#its 6am i dont know if this is comprehendable

[stgroversfire]

ive seen some posts suggesting that during the 13 years, lwj truly believed wwx would come back. i was always under the impression that lwj had accepted that wwx was gone, but refused to move on, never replacing the hole in his life where wwx was and remaining faithful to him while trying to do right by him in raising sizhui and helping the common people. i took lwj not burning joss paper as more of a personal inability to let wwx go. (i know mdzs q literally has lwj saying "he'll come back" but im not aware of that being in the novels)

all of that being preface to the fact that my favorite part about lwj is how he lived for wwx and tried to carry his legacy on all while knowing he'd never come back. to remind yourself of your greatest loss, even going to far as to brand that loss on your body; devoting everything you have to someone you'll never see again; resigning to never love anyone else, hurts so fucking bad i can't bear it. just the thought of living without my partner makes me feel sick, but to live in that loss for the rest of your life is almost cruel.

and idk i find that way more romantic than lwj truly believing wwx would come back and waiting for him in the literal sense.

[separatist-apologist]

Wait, this not catrhys related or Great War but I am genuinely curious as someone who dont have all 4 seasons in my country. When it started to snow, does it affect you so much that you don't get many suns compared to other seasons? Because I cannot comprehend somehow not having sun (I don't mean in a rude way but amaze at how it works sometimes). Does it effect you sleep? Like your apetite? Do you get more hungry in cold? What about school if the it get darker soon? (I get this idea thanks to movie)

Hi!

This was such a lovely question and I'm happy to answer it! So firstly, in the US we have daylight savings time which is this concept in which in the summer, the clocks move forward and hour in order to allow for more daylight, and then in the fall they're pushed back an hour and you lose daylight. So in July, it'll be bright until 8pm but tonight the sun was setting at 4:15pm.

For me, when the colder months come, the sun retreats behind huge walls of gray and we don't see the sun as often. I remember the year my son went to kindergarten, they were doing a calendar where they'd put the weather on it, and he came home and proudly told me we'd only had 4 days of sunshine across 31 days.

It DOES affect people. We get sad- seasonal affective disorder is a real thing. I take a vitamin D supplement and I like to think that's working but it could just be a placebo. I WANT it to, so it does. More people are indoors together, which means we're all sick during the colder months, too.

Life goes on, though. People still go to school/work etc, even in the dark. I hate it because some days I wake up and its dark and I go to work and when I'm done it's dark again.

I don't know if it's making people hungrier or sleepier tbh. Maybe I'm sleeping better because it's darker and I'm a hoe for aesthetics, so I have breezy white curtains over my window to let in maximum light which means in spring/summer there is always light flooding in at 6am.

You get used to it, I think. I envy your year round warmth and I don't think I'm built for endless summer, either.

[heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet]

When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th 

Mood/anxiety = numb. 

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick. 

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO. 

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done. 

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep. 

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator. 

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship. 

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same. 

---Emotionally it hurts the same. 

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way. 

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they  could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me  buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am. 

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation. 

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate. 

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally. 

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety -  still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested. 

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way. 

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean. 

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board. 

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum. 

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far. 

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine. 

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict. 

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed. 

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings. 

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days. 

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely. 

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness". 

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room. 

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod. 

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am. 

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes. 

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok. 

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change 

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house. 

We are having a picnic social distancing style. 

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around.  But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is 

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction) 

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives. 

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball  gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant. 

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past. 

[comicteaparty]

December 17th-December 23rd, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from December 17th, 2018 to December 23rd, 2018.  The chat focused on Lovespells by Ryan & Sage.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Lovespells by Ryan & Sage~! (http://lovespellscomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until December 23rd to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. Do you believe that Esther will eventually confess her feelings to Maria? What do you think it will take for that to happen given Ether’s shyness about it?

QUESTION 4. Given some further hints, do you believe Maria’s own feelings towards Esther are changing? How do you think Maria would react to a confession from Esther? Would a confession ruin their friendship?

snuffysam

only at the end of chapter 4, but loving it so far! here's my current answers... 1. definitely the scene at the end of chapter 4 where Maria asks Esther for more lessons/to hang out as friends. We already know what Maria's there for ahead of time, and I eat dramatic irony like that for breakfast. Also, the reactions of Maria's friends who see Esther's obvious crush. 2. Hmmmm Maria. She's this super cheesy knight type, and that's me babey.

3. Yes, and it will be an accident.

4. Just from what I've seen so far, Maria's feelings towards Esther have changed. The relationship started out super professional from Maria's point of view (Esther is just helping her level up her magic. strictly teacher/student) but now she sees Esther as a friend. At this point... I don't think Maria would find a new tutor after the confession like Esther thinks, she's too professional for that. But it may put a dent in their friendship if the feelings aren't reciprocated.

decademic

omg, blitzed through it again because I love these slow burn lesbians and their wonderful relationship~ honestly couldn't ask for more! the art's amazing, the story is paced so well, the panels honestly are on par with paranatural levels of forethought and care, just ooo! I love them!!! onto the questions... 1: oh gosh, I can barely choose! the first meeting, when Maria shows up at Esther's house with her friends and they see how oblivious Maria is, the critical hit scene...throw a dart, I love it. 2: I'm gonna have to say Esther, she's so relatable by nature, and her actions are so pure intentioned. the love potion instead of elixer moment was such a cute nod, I got heart eyes and pledged my soul immediately. 3: I want Esther to start to confess, but Maria stops her and confesses instead! cue teary eyes and a first real kiss~ 4: Maria needs to identify this feeling as love; real love, before anything in the relationship can move forward at all. therefore, there has to be some realization on Maria's side sooner than later to make it work. Esther would probably chicken out halfway through the confession and confuse them both, which is why I'm gunning for Maria to do it~

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What do you think happened to Esther in the past that caused a healing spell to give her a permanent mana siphon? Do you believe Esther will reveal whatever happened to Maria? What might be the consequences of Esther telling her or keeping it secret?

decademic

gosh, good question...

so I guess 5: Esther hasn't been holding back, per se, about her affliction, she was upfront about it to the nurse, and has answered Maria's questions, so I don't think it's a 'secret', but more of a bit of backstory that may be a bit hard to relive. none of this answers the question of what the affliction is but I'm sure that'll be addressed, I'm sure of it

snuffysam

I don't think it's anything particularly sinister or mysterious, just, like... some uncommon disease. like magic polio.

though i suppose it either has to be something difficult to explain or something with a big stigma attached to it?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 6. Do you think we’ll see the paladin who scolded Maria at the tournament again? Why do you think he seemed particularly critical of Maria? What role might he have to play in Maria’s life (and Esther’s by association)?

RebelVampire

1) i really enjoyed the scene where maria was with her friends and referred to esther as lovely and all maria's friends are like O/////O. i enjoyed it not only for the significant character development maria is showing, but also the sheer comedy in how oblivious maria is to anything to do with love. 2) maria. i like her intense honesty that is balanced by her flawed obliviousness to a lot of the things around her. i think its a combination that makes her extremely endearing as a character. 3) i think the clock is ticking. esther is clearly terrible at hiding it and stuffing her feelings down. and i think one day maria is gonna be like "i love this thing" and esther is gonna be like "oh yeah i love that thing almost as much as i love you." like maybe not that exactly, but i dont think esther will overcome shyness. i think its gonna be a pure mortification accident moment cause esther will be lost in her own brain thoughts.

4) maria's feelings are definitely changing. no doubt about it. as for a reaction to esther's confession...honestly maria is so dense i wouldnt be surprised if she just could comprehend a love confession. gets told "i love you" and shes like "i love you too....youre a dear friend." once she realizes though, i kind of feel like shell...limbo turn down esther and tell esther shes not sure how she feels. then decide and couple will be created. as for ruining their friendship, eh, therell be tension maybe? not friendship ruining tho cause maria is just too nice for that. 5) I'm gonna assume that it was some sort of injury to be honest. cause esther did mention wanting to be an adventurer and i could see esther being overenthusiastic and trying something dangerous and winding up permanently injured because of it. or poisoned maybe. thats also an option. but regardless the curitive magic came with a price. i think esther will tell maria the full story someday, and i think it will bring her and maria closer. and consequently cause maria to get ultra defensive against those questioning esther's honor. 6) i do think we'll see that paladin again, and boy am i looking forward to it. i want to know more about him cause i think the dynamic hed have with maria would be awesome. i think as far as role goes, he might be the one to challenge how maria handles herself as a knight and her general love obliviousness. because maria's friends and esther all kind of either find it endearing, support her, or just accept that is part of her. whereas i think this paladin could be the one to ask her if she isnt hurting others by being so oblivious to love while constantly giving everything of herself. or something like that.

snuffysam

ok i'm caught up i'm not sure about the paladin. because yeah maria's friends aren't exactly helping move this relationship forward but... why would the paladin do any better? he just seems like a jerk to me.

maybe he shows up again and gives maria something extra to vent about to esther?

also, apparently his name is marcus? at least that's what the cast page seems to say, it's hard to tell without pictures lol

thisintermezzo

I co-write this comic and aklsjdkjhffjk it's so cool to see people actually seriously talk about it??? Thank you so much for this. We almost never get actual responses--which is pretty normal for most comics; feedback is just hard to get, haha--so this is super novel and hugely appreciated. If you want to ask me anything, please feel free. Otherwise, I'm just going to spectate here and there. (Also, now that I have Discord again, I can try to similarly contribute to chats about people's comics!!)

snuffysam

welcome! this is a really cute comic! if I may ask a question - what was originally on this page?: http://lovespellscomic.com/post/162477687227/hey-this-post-may-contain-adult-content-so-weve

it was after a bunch of guest comics so i'm guessing it was another guest comic? but tumblr deleted it so i have no idea

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Do you believe Esther’s magic tutelage of Maria will pay off at a critical juncture at some point? How might Esther’s own skills change due to contact with Maria? How might their changing relationship affect their professional lives?

thisintermezzo

I can't tell, haha. I actually don't know what the page before that is, even, since the "back" button is gone. Tumblr is lame and didn't notify us of any of the flagged posts, so I have no clue what else has gotten randomly deleted. :U Tapas would have it all, though.

Thanks for letting us know, though! o/

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. Do you think Maria’s friends will play a role in Esther and Maria’s budding relationship? If so, what role will they play and how might their own relationships with Maria change?

(the archive for the chat on Psychteria is up! @CalimonGraal https://comicteaparty.com/post/181287718835/december-10th-december-16th-2018-ctp-archive)

RebelVampire

@snuffysam sometimes strangers are more helpful than friends in certain contexts. cause friends can come with a lot of biases. but eh it was just a thought

7) I def hope esther's magic tutelage pays off. Though not sure when since the tournament seemed like the most dangerous thing to happen so far. but if maria goes on a mission for sure shes gonna be pulling out that crit move esther taught her and save the day. albeit alternatively i could also seeing it going the opposite. wherein maria tries and fails hardcore. and then esther has to hug and comfort her and tell maria its okay. as for esther's skills, i actually think any change is gonna be less related to magic and more esther is gonna learn like how to express her feelings better or something. but this is something i dont forsee happening until they get together. 8) i dont think the friends are gonna help. rather, i think after maria and esther get together maybe that theyre gonna hurt the relationship in a way. in that theyll get jelly of maria spending more and more time with esther. cause while maria sees esther a lot, theres clearly more freetime maria has she could spend with esther instead of her friends. and i could see maria doing that cause as nice as maria is, shes extremely inexperienced in this area. so i think shed put esther first way too hardcore at first and the friends would have to say whoa there hold your horses. i think at the end itll strengthen their bonds though cause itd give maria a better understanding of some of the experiences her friends have maybe. idk. im spitballing.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. If Esther and Maria do date, how do you believe that will go? What relationship obstacles might the two have to overcome in order to make their relationship work? How will the change affect the course of the story?

Delphina

Oh noooo, cute magical girl AND lawful good swordy girl having adorable crushes on each other. I might have to jump into this one.

1. My anime roots are showing, but I love a good "you don't have to refer to me with honorifics" scene. Also any time Maria carries sleepy Esther around is adorable.

2. Maria's hard not to like. I'm also a sucker for strong intense ladies who wanna do the right thing always.

I'm not so great with the speculation-type questions, but it's a great comic and I'm looking forward to what happens and hope that things go smoothly in both the romantic and magical arenas! The writing is very sweet and pure and the character designs and great environments complement them nicely. Really can tell there's a lot of love in this story!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

Delphina

I really enjoyed the part where Esther was explaining her sketches about adventuring to Maria. Esther has mostly been a reactive character - she gets orders and reacts, she's asked for help by Maria and she reacts, she sees some kids in trouble and she reacts, she gets low on MP and reacts. But that was the first time we saw what she wanted for herself, and how she views her role, and it really helped make her feel real and more proactive. I hope we see more of what Esther wants and who she is in the future!

RebelVampire

9) I think they'll have to deal with the usual relationship challenges. balancing work life, balancing other friendships, accepting that maybe they dont know each other as well as they think they might. but i think theyll manage. esther especially i think is gonna have to learn to be more open like how she was about her desire to be an adventurer. 10) I'm looking forward to seeing paladin returning and revealing why he's in this story in the first place and butting heads with maria. and then esther being "it's okay baby hes just a big ol' meanie"

snuffysam

i just really want to see more of the comic. it's super cute, the characters all lovable... i need more.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Lovespells this week! Please also give a special thank you to Ryan & Sage for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Lovespells, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://lovespellscomic.com/

Ryan & Sage’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lovespells

Ryan & Sage’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/lovespells

Lovespells’ Twitter: https://twitter.com/lovespellscomic