#itnmiml fic

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 16/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Sixteen: In The Wind

The wind hit my face as I stood on the ledge of my apartment building. I texted everyone I knew and said goodbye. I didn't think it'd be so hard to jump, though. My eyes were red and swollen from crying, and I could see just enough to be paralyzed with fear. I held onto the wall and stared straight ahead. "Kid! Lucky!" Rex yelled. Rex used me, too. He was the worst of them all, and it reminded me of why I was there. People like him telling me who to talk to, what to wear, and how to look...

"Go away!" I screamed.

"Lucky, listen... Don't jump! You've got a lot to live—."

"Shut up! All you ever cared about was the money! So go ahead, take what you want, and get out!" I interrupted. I didn't want to hear his voice anymore. I didn't want to hear anything.

"Lucky, I'm sorry! If you wanna fire me, fire me, but don't do this—."

"Get out, or I'll jump!" I yelled. I heard sirens and laid my head back against the wall. "No... No, please tell them to go away!" I started crying again because I didn't want an audience. I just wanted to go out quickly and quietly.

"Lucky! How many of these did you take?" Lois asked.

"Lucky, come back to the window so we can help you—."

Lois and Clark meant well, but hearing their voices hurt me even more. I felt so unloved and unwanted, and I'd already pushed the only person that ever really wanted me away. "I don't want any of you! I want my dad, and he's not coming! So, I'm gonna stand here until I go to sleep! And if anyone tries to stop me, I'll jump!" I threatened.

There were no more bargaining chips. I was in control. And for once, I didn't wanna be. I closed my eyes and thought about how badly I wanted to curl up in my dad's office and read a book. I wanted to go home with him and let everything return to normal. I didn't see that as possible, so I couldn't turn back. Life wasn't worth living if I couldn't have my dad back. I started crying so hard I could barely hear the police sirens. I felt sick to my stomach, and I wanted to throw up. I swallowed hard as I wept.

"Conner! Conner, don't you dare jump!" Dad yelled. I wiped my eyes and turned my head toward the window. "Let me come and get you!"

"Dad?" I asked. The pills started to kick in, and I felt woozy and needed to sit down. "Dad, what are you doing here?"

He leaned out of the window and reached for my hand. "It's past your bedtime," Dad chastised me. I reached for his hand and stumbled, shaking my head as I regained my balance.

"I can't reach it," I cried, "Dad, I'm so sorry for everything! I should've stayed home with you! I should've listened to you—."

"I'm the adult here... And I wasn't acting like it. I let my pride get in the way, and I stood idly by as everyone picked you apart... I was wrong, and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Conner. Now, stand still, and let me get you," Dad interrupted. I stood still and watched as he climbed out the window and grabbed my hand. "I need you to walk with me."

I shook my head. "Dad, I can't! I'm too scared!" I cried. He squeezed my hand.

"Me too... But I am not about to lose my little boy," Dad replied, "I'm not gonna let you go this time. Let's get you inside." I nodded, swallowed hard, and we took small steps until he climbed into the window. I started to panic, and he squeezed my hand. "Shhh, I'm still here. I'm not gonna let you fall." I crouched down and climbed in, and my dad yanked me away from the window so hard we both fell down, and he held me in his arms. I pulled away and threw up. It was just us two. Everyone else left. I was thankful for that because I was a mess and didn't want to be looked at by anyone.

"Dad," I gagged. "I'm so sorry—."

"Don't worry about it. I've got you now... It's all gonna be okay," Dad reassured me. Everyone's voices faded into the background as he spoke to me.

I felt so tired and cold that I couldn't talk anymore. I hugged my dad and closed my eyes, but my dad shook me and tried to hold me up. "Conner, I know you're sleepy, but you've gotta stay up late with me just this once. You told me you missed hearing your name. Your real name. Conner. You wanted us to call you Conner—."

"I gotta go to th' hozp'tal. News—."

My dad shushed me. "That doesn't matter right now... What's important is that you stay awake until the paramedics get up here. Can you do that for me?" Dad asked. I wasn't sure if I could. I didn't want to lie to him. "Can you try?" I nodded. "Good boy... That's my boy. Wanna come home here or with me when you're released from the hospital?"

"Wanna go wi' you," I slurred. He held my face in his hands. "'M ready to go now."

"They're almost here... The elevators are slow. Conner," Dad raised his voice, "Conner, I heard your song. Your manager's daughter sent it to me. Did you write that?" I nodded, and my head drooped. "You've matured so much. I had no idea you could write like that."

The paramedics took me, but I wouldn't let go of my dad's hand until they promised to let him come along. I lost consciousness in the ambulance, and when I woke up, I had to speak with a doctor who explained where I was and what would happen to me. I told them that I wanted to be released into the custody of my dad, and they promised to take note of that so I could take it to court. I was still out of it, but I meant every word. My two and a half days at the hospital were a blur, but it was good to finally see my dad again when he picked me up. We immediately got on a plane and went home to Metropolis, and I slept for nearly three days straight.

Dad never left my side. Every time I got up to eat or shower, he was right there, with a hand in my hair and a smile. He was happy to see me home, really happy. After four days of jet lag and feeling like crap, I asked my dad if I could see my phone. He hesitated but gave in anyway. I immediately looked online to see what people had to say. I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath. "I'm gonna see if I can call—."

He took my phone and shook his head. "Let's be Conner for a little bit. I missed Conner," Dad whispered, "But we can go outside if you want. Get something to eat at one of your favorite restaurants?" I nodded and got dressed in sweats and a hoodie. I didn't want to be seen... But I wanted to go outside. The concept of having to face anyone but Dad terrified me.

"Hey, Diddoo?" I whispered as he waited by the front door with his keys.

"What's the matter?" Dad asked.

I wrung my hands. "Why—? Lois and Clark... Have you talked to them?" I asked. He nodded.

"Do you want to see them?" Dad questioned. I shook my head. "It's okay if you do... I won't be upset."

I walked up to him and hugged him. "I feel like I screwed everything up," I mumbled. He shook his head.

"No, you're still learning... And I can't shield you from that anymore. You made a lot of good decisions on your own. All you needed was a little guidance," Dad reassured, "Come on, let's go get you something to eat."

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 14/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Fourteen: Court Date

By December, I was saddled with an unshakeable sadness. I took my finals early and flew to Metropolis for court. It felt like a blur. I can’t remember what I said, but I know I couldn’t look up the entire time I spoke. Whatever I said must’ve been convincing because my dad whispered to his lawyer and asked to approach the bench. Our lawyers talked to the judge, and the judge said something that I didn’t understand. Or maybe I didn’t hear it. I looked over, and my dad stared straight at me. He mouthed something at me, and I stared, waiting for him to repeat himself. “Understand?” Dad mouthed. I shook my head. I hadn’t slept in two days. I was jetlagged, nauseous, and—.

“Young man,” the judge called. 

“Yes, sir,” I answered. 

“After speaking to your birth parents, Mr. Luthor has decided not to contest the unsealing of your adoption records,” the judge explained. I swallowed hard and nodded. The judge made a few closing statements, and she let us go. I stood frozen as I watched Dad’s lawyer collect his things. Dad left before I could thank him, and I stepped into the hallway alone. I sat on a bench outside, waiting for a ride to the hotel. I wanted to shower, change clothes, and get something to eat without feeling awkward. I hadn’t eaten since I left. 

I barely got in the room when Rex called me. I thought it was a problem with the album or something, so I answered. “Hello?” I answered. 

“Well?” Rex asked. 

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

“How’d it go?” Rex questioned. I scrunched my nose as I tossed my suit jacket over the couch.

“That’s personal, Rex. Some things don’t need to make the news,” I replied. “Is that all? I’m about to hop in the shower.” 

“Nope… But if you ever—.” 

“Goodbye, Rex,” I interrupted. I hung up, showered, and dressed for lunch. I didn’t expect any other calls, so I ordered a big lunch. I was halfway through a bowl of mac and cheese when I received a call from Clark. “Hi… Hey, Clark.” I held the phone between my ear and shoulder. 

“I um—. Are you eating?” Clark questioned. 

“Yeah, but um—. Do you wanna meet me?” I asked. I told him the name of the restaurant. 

“I’m down the street from there, but actually—. Lucky, I’d prefer it if we spoke in private. When are you leaving?” Clark asked.

“I’m not sure. I wanna stay until I can talk to my birth parents, but I’ve gotta get home before New Year’s… Why? Do you wanna meet at my hotel?” I questioned. “We can have dinner.” 

“Okay. We can do it tomorrow night,” Clark replied.

“Tomorrow night’s good. Are you bringing Christopher?” I asked. 

“No, we’re gonna hire a sitter,” Clark answered. I tried scarfing down my nuggets, and Clark heard me. “Should I call you back?” 

“Nuh-uh,” I answered.

“I’ll talk while you eat. I saw your last few posts. Are you teasing a single?” Clark questioned. I swallowed hard and took a sip of lemonade. 

“Oh, um—. You know what? I can answer that on the record. I’m posting a Caesar cipher this Friday with a special message about the album,” I replied, “I wanted to do something fun this time because this album is a bit—. It’s a little dark.”  

“Lucky, I wasn’t calling for a—.” 

“I know, but you and Lois are the only people other than my dad who don’t have an ulterior motive for being nice to me. You’re just nice,” I smiled as I finished eating.”I want you guys to be the first to report it.” 

“Lucky? How are you feeling? Today was a big day, and—.” 

“I thought I’d feel more… I thought I’d cry or something, but I—. I don’t feel anything. I guess I’m—. Maybe I’m in shock. Off the record, I get to meet my bio mom and dad, but I—. I don’t know if I’ll see them before or after I get my records. Clark, you were adopted. Right?” I asked.

“I was,” Clark answered. 

“So, you get it. Don’t you? I mean—. I—. It’s different, but I’m sure you understand why I’m so confused,” I stammered. I couldn’t word things the way I wanted to. 

“Lucky, I want you to understand that you’re the person you were meant to be. Who you were raised by didn’t change anything,” Clark replied. 

*

I couldn’t sleep until the morning, and I slept until a phone call woke me up. “Hello?” I answered. 

“Luck, can you do an interview while you’re out there?” Rex asked.

“When did you schedule it for? I need to be out of here by the twenty-eighth,” I replied. 

“You’re gonna be there for nine more days?” Rex questioned. “And the interview is on the twenty-first.”

“Yeah… I wanted to do a few things before I leave,” I explained, “And okay… I’ll be there. Just text me the info… And Rex?” 

“What, Kid?” Rex asked. 

“Take Roxy someplace nice. It’s the holidays, for Pete’s sake,” I whispered before hanging up. This time of year, my dad and I would sit in front of the fireplace, watching our favorite movies. We always slept in the living room during the holidays. It was like a thing we did. I’d sleep on one end of the sectional, and he’d sleep on the other. Sometimes, I would wake up, curl up in front of him on the couch, and wait for him to wake up. Sometimes, Dad would reach forward with closed eyes and mess up my hair, joking about how much he missed having hair. Those memories were tainted with the kind of pain that made my insides ache. 

I couldn’t control myself. I started crying. I cried so hard it made my stomach sick. I threw up in the hotel bathroom, still crying as I thought about the last time I spoke to Dad. I wondered if he hated me for taking him to court twice. I showered to calm down and got dressed for dinner. I tried to call Dad because I was scared. I was so nervous I couldn’t think straight. Mercy answered the phone for him. I knew that meant he didn’t want to talk to me. “Hi, Lucky,” Mercy answered.

“Mercy, where’s Dad?” I asked. 

“He’s in a meeting,” Mercy replied, “How are you, Luck?” 

“I’m—. I wanna talk to Dad. Can you—? I know he’s not in a meeting. I wanna talk to him,” I replied. Mercy said something that I couldn’t hear.

“I’ll take the call in private,” Dad answered. There was silence for a minute or so, and he sighed. “Conner, what did you want to talk about?” 

“Hi, Dad… I—. Why did you change your mind?” I asked. 

“Because they’re your parents… Maybe they can give you something I can’t—.” 

“Dad, why can’t we have a nice conversation?” I snapped. I called to say ‘thank you’ but couldn’t after he said that. “It’s the holidays—.” 

“We had an agreement, Conner. Meet your family and let the year finish out. Then, we can see where your head—.” 

“Fine. Fine… We won’t talk then. I don’t know why I thought this would be a pleasant conversation. I feel like I’m talking to a child—.” 

“Watch it, Conner,” Dad warned. I wasn’t as angry as I was hurt. I longed for the way things were before the adoption bombshell. 

“Whatever, Dad,” I muttered, “I gotta go.”

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There's Nothing Missing In My Life...

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 1/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Exploitation, References to Depression, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner's Parent, Childhood Trauma, Self-Confidence Issues, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter One: Dear Diary

"You are gonna kill this whole high school publicity stunt thing!" Rex exclaimed while I sat on my balcony, soaking in the sun. I hadn't broken it to Rex that I'd actually enrolled in a real public high school. Rex would've blown a gasket if he knew, so I decided to wait until after my first week to tell him. "What are you gonna wear? Have you come up with a caption for the Face-sta-gram yet?"

"Please never say that again... And I haven't decided yet. I thought I'd keep it caj and wear board shorts. The weather's gonna be nice. Clear skies," I replied. Someone stood, blocking the sun, and I snatched off my sunglasses. "What gives!"

"Lucky, you've gotta take this seriously. Board shorts? Are you out of your mind? You're peddling unattainability. Any high school chump can wear board shorts on their first day. You've gotta go big or go home," Rex chastised me. I pinched the bridge of my nose.

I put my sunglasses on and tried to regain my cool. Sometimes I wished Rex would shut up and find someone else to bother, but I think I was his only client. "Can you move this lecture like three feet to the right?" I asked.

"You mean the left, right?" Rex questioned. I grinned. "Oh, so now you're a comedian?"

I chuckled and gave him the finger because he hated when I did that. The sun hit my skin as he stormed off. He finally let me be alone with my thoughts for a few minutes, and I started feeling homesick. I wanted to call my dad and talk to him, but that's what he was waiting for. He wanted me to give him a reason to think I regretted the emancipation proceedings. I didn't. I only wanted to hear his voice. He was my father, after all. It wasn't like I got emancipated because he was stealing from me or abusive. He wasn't any of that. I got emancipated because I wanted to go to public school and stay out late on the weekends. It didn't mean I didn't miss him. I teared up under my sunglasses and used my face towel to wipe my eyes, pretending I was dabbing sweat from my cheeks. I always thought he'd eventually break and take me to my first day of public school. Dad always told me it was too dangerous to go to public school. Instead, I'd be taking myself.

The sunlight and cool ocean breeze put me to sleep. Rex woke me up to get me out of the sun and bothered me about my first-day outfit. "Rex, go home. I will pick a fit so sick your grandchildren will print pictures of my student ID on t-shirts," I lied in the hopes that I'd be able to shower and work on one of my songs in peace and quiet. It worked.

I got cleaned up, sat in front of the muted tv, and screwed around on the guitar. Everyone decided pop would be my sound. I didn't have a choice because they thought I was too young to get into heavy sounds. I argued with them for weeks, but my dad said pop was safe, and I got stuck with the genre. I still wrote my own stuff when I got a moment to myself, but I never showed anyone out of fear they'd say I was a bummer. Most of it was my way of venting out all the negative emotions I felt that weren't profitable. In the words of my ex-publicist, whenever my dad wasn't around, "Depression doesn't sell." A few hours passed, and I went to my closet to pick out something for my first day to appease Rex. I picked a fitted white t-shirt and a pair of powder blue splash pattern wool trousers and sent him a picture. He was so nitpicky about everything, even though fashion wasn't really his forte. I figured he'd have Roxy look at it and give him a thumb's up or down.

Afterward, I made my lunch for school while heating up some leftover pizza in the microwave. It was quiet. Around this time, my dad would nag me about my wind-down routine. He did it with me my whole life to prepare me for bed, but I had gotten too old. I loved it when I was a kid, though. We'd say three good things and three bad things about our day, he'd give me a kiss on the forehead, and we'd sit together in silence and read for thirty minutes. He used to read to me, but he stopped doing that when I was eight. I wanted to tell him about my six things so badly I couldn't stand it, but I knew he'd say I wasn't ready to live on my own. It'd been nearly a month since we talked, and I felt like I could've been kinder, but I was dumb. I got cocky, and I said things I couldn't take back.

I turned the sound on the TV and flipped to the first celebrity gossip show I could find to see if my dad was doing anything. Instead, they were talking about me. "Is Lucky getting lucky? It's rumored that the freshly emancipated minor was spotted leaving the hottest-."

My phone rang. I knew who it was before I answered. "Have you ever heard of motels, kid?" Rex yelled at me. I put the phone on speaker and knocked my head against the back of the couch.

"That isn't true. Do you think my dad saw this?" I asked. I was mortified as I read the closed caption and saw some of the jokes they made.

"Your old man is the least of your problems! Do you know how bad this looks?" Rex questioned.

I hung up on him and called my dad. "Dad, what they're saying isn't-."

"I know. Is that all?" Dad questioned. I swallowed hard.

"Yeah," I replied. He was still mad at me, and I couldn't blame him for that, but it made my stomach feel empty in the worst way. "Oh! I forgot it's like two a.m. where you're at."

"I was awake... But be mindful that our time zones are six hours apart. Conner, what you've done or haven't done is no longer any of my business," Dad replied. That stung but not as bad as it had to sting when I told him he wasn't even my real dad.

"Right... Sorry. Well, I love you, Diddoo," I whispered to show him it was no hard feelings. Diddoo was my first word. I called him Diddoo whenever I wanted to say sorry for something stupid I'd done.

"I love you too, Conner," Dad replied before hanging up. At least I knew he still loved me. I rubbed my eyes with my palms to knead away the tears forming in my eyes. I wanted to tell him I missed him, but I couldn't. I couldn't bend for him this time. I had to be my own man, or he would always treat me like a little boy. It was always the two of us, but my emancipation alienated me in ways I never imagined. I thought I could do what I wanted and live on my own while still having my dad around, but I guess I was wrong.

"The sun... The sky... Leftover pizza," I listed, "Missing Dad... Rex got on my nerves today... More gossip." I stood up, washed my hands, and went to my room to read for a little bit. I did it every night, even after my emancipation, because I couldn't sleep without doing it. I wondered if my dad did it too.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 13/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Thirteen: Homecoming

When we arrived, Hillary reached for my hand. I smiled and leaned toward her to break the silence. “This is my first real date,” I confessed. Hillary blinked hard and frowned.

“It’ll be fun,” Hillary whispered, “Come on. Let’s get something to drink.”

I let her lead. I bought two cans of soda, and we sat on the bleachers. “When do I have to take you home?” I questioned.

“My brothers know the dance ends at midnight. I told them I’d be home around twelve-thirty and I’d call if we stopped to eat,” Hillary answered. We sat in silence for a while, watching as the other kids mingled and danced with each other, and I wondered when we’d join them. “I’ll dance with you after I drink this soda. You don’t have to wait for me, though”

I nodded. “It’s not—? It’s not rude?” I asked. She shook her head.

I hesitated, but she gestured for me to go ahead. I felt painfully self-conscious as I joined the other kids. I glanced at her, and she gave me a thumbs-up. “Did you know you’re on the ballot for junior year homecoming king?” someone shouted. I turned, looking for the source of the voice, and pointed to myself. “Yeah! I voted for you!”

I didn’t even vote for myself. I voted for a kid named Percy, who helped me study for my history midterm. I didn’t want that kind of attention. “Thanks! I voted for Percy!” I replied. They cocked their head, and Percy smiled and waved at me. I waved back and walked toward him. We danced and talked for a while, and he asked me if it was anything like I imagined it would be. “Nope!”

“It always feels awkward when you first arrive! Don’t worry!” Percy reassured me.

I danced for two or three songs before I joined Hillary on the bleachers. “Lucky, are you okay?” Hillary asked.

“Do you want to take a picture?” I questioned. Hillary nodded.

Hillary took my hand and led me to the line for the paper moon. She let go of my hand and shook her arms and legs out. I laughed at how weird it looked. “Loosen up,” Hillary laughed, “This is supposed to be fun.” She shook her limbs out again, and I joined her.

I laughed with her as we moved up in line, but the closer we got to the moon, the more nervous I felt. When we were first in line, I turned to walk away, and she grabbed my arms, talking me down without words. She made eye contact and nodded until I calmed down. “Hey,” Hillary whispered, “Hey… It’s okay.”

I took a deep breath, followed her to the paper moon, and we took a picture. She laid her head on my shoulder, and I smiled at my feet. The DJ announced the first slow song, and Hillary stood on her tiptoes. “Do you want to dance? Or is that—?”

“Sure!” Hillary smiled.

I took her to the dancefloor, and it hit me with the notion that she’d danced with other people before. “Have you ever dated?” I questioned. “Not asking in a—. I’m purely curious. I want to know what it’s like for you.”

“Well, yeah… It’s different for everybody,” Hillary replied.

“I don’t—. I’m so nervous, and I know you’re not judging me, but I’m doing everything wrong,” I explained.

“You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re figuring it out, and that’s fine. You’ll probably look back on this night and laugh because there was nothing to worry about,” Hillary reassured me. I relaxed and let myself breathe.

The music transitioned out of the slow song, and I excused myself to go to the bathroom. With everyone in the bathroom, I took a stall. I don’t think anyone noticed me go in because they talked about me. “It’s crazy. If Lucky Luthor could pull Hillary Chang—.”

“What do you mean?” the other guy asked.

“Don’t you remember all that crap she said about how bubbleheaded and dense kid celebrities are? She was so against him coming to our school, and he showed up, and now she’s his girlfriend! That’s nuts,” the first boy replied.

“Maybe there’s hope for all of us,” the second boy replied.

“Yeah… Or she’s using him—.”

“Not her… Come on. Everybody knows Hillary’s willing to give everybody a chance—.”

I left the stall and washed my hands. I felt sick to my stomach, and I wanted out, but I couldn’t leave Hillary at the dance. My dad would’ve been so disappointed if I did something so rude. So, I found her on the dancefloor and tried to discreetly excuse myself. “Hil, I don’t feel well,” I whispered in her ear. She shook her head as if she couldn’t hear me.

“What?” Hillary shouted.

“I feel sick,” I shouted. Hillary’s smile faded, and she took me aside, but I flinched away from her touch.

“What’s wrong?” Hillary asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t feel well. I think I’m gonna be sick,” I repeated.

“Oh, do you want to go home? I can—.”

“No. You should stay and have fun… I’ll have Roxy take you home at midnight. I can walk—.”

“Lucky, I can come with you—.”

“No, I um—. I just want to soak in the bath and go to bed,” I interrupted. I didn’t want to ruin her night, but I was angry with her. Our friendship felt false.

“Okay… I hope you feel better,” Hillary replied. I nodded and slipped away.

The second the cold air hit my face, I burst into tears. It hurt me. I took off the stupid tie and texted Roxy to tell her I went home and needed her to drop Hillary off after the dance.

*

I took a personal week before returning to school and didn’t answer anyone’s calls. I finished writing the last handful of songs for the album on Wednesday and rotted on my couch the rest of the week. I received a house call from Jake. I wanted to hide from him, but he knew I was home. I unlocked the door and let him in. “I know you’re not sick,” Jake stated, “What’s going on? Are you mad at my sister?”

“I don’t want to put you in the middle of—.”

“I’m not here to be in the middle. Hillary’s convinced that you’re sick. I won’t tell her differently, but you’ll have to face her eventually. Whatever it is, you should practice explaining now,” Jake interrupted as he plopped on my couch.

“Why didn’t she tell me she didn’t want me to go to her school? Why’d she let me think we were friends?” I asked.

“She didn’t know you… And then, she got to know you. Simple as that,” Jake replied like it was nothing.

“So you would’ve been cool with that?” I questioned.

“It’s not about how I feel… I can tell you that my sister isn’t pretending to like you. She gave you a fair chance because that’s who she is. Hillary might’ve said some hurtful things about you as a celebrity, but she’s had nothing but kind words to say since she met you,” Jake replied.

“Do you want something to eat?” I mumbled.

“No, thanks… Lucky, I’m sorry my sister hurt your feelings. I mean that,” Jake replied as he stood and touched my shoulder. I kept quiet about what happened and pretended nothing was wrong between Hillary and me when we saw each other again at school.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 3/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Exploitation, References to Depression, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Childhood Trauma, Self-Confidence Issues, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Three: Turkey Sub

For my lunch period, some of the juniors and seniors walked to the beach to eat. I followed them and bought a beach towel to sit on while I ate my sandwich. I saw a camera flash and kept eating as if I didn't know what was going on. Hillary put her beach towel next to mine, and her friends joined me. I was relieved to have people around me that seemed pleasant. None of them asked me weird questions or made me feel like an outsider. "Hey, Lucky? You're from Metropolis, right?" one of Hillary's guy friends asked. I nodded. "Okay, so I ask everybody this. What's snow like? Is it soft? Does it feel like shaved ice? Have you ever built a snowman?"

I laughed. "Like floury but coarser... I guess it feels like baking soda," I replied, "And it's cold. It's like holding ice cubes in your hands."

"See! That's how you give a detailed answer, Hillary," he teased. I covered my mouth as I laughed and finished my sandwich.

"Okay, my turn... What are school dances like?" I asked.

My question got a mixed response. Hillary seemed to like them, but some of her friends didn't. "Ignore them. School dances are great. If you're not stressing about a date... And no, they're not like tv. It's wayyy cheaper, the decorations are crap, and there's no DJ. They use the school's stereos to play music... But the experience itself is fun. You get to hang out with your friends for a few hours, and nobody cares what you dance like... Not that that'll be a problem for you," Hillary replied.

"I'm sorry, was that a compliment?" I teased. Hillary laughed and shook her head.

"Not even close," Hillary teased.

"She's lying to you. School dances are hot and sweaty, the music sucks, and no one ever manages to actually spike the punch because there is no punch. It's just soda cans in a cooler. Oh, and you have to take your own pictures because it costs money," one of her female friends disagreed.

"Okay, those things are true, but it's still a great experience... Oh, and the parade. You're gonna love the parade," Hillary added. She seemed so excited. I think school was the only thing that excited her because she made me feel ordinary in comparison. It made me want to be her friend. I wasn't sure I could get her to notice me long enough.

My phone rang, and I sighed before answering. "Rex, I'm at lunch. No work talk please-."

"When were you gonna tell me you enrolled in the school for real?" Rex yelled. I held the phone away from my ear and pinched the bridge of my nose. "This is gonna put a damper on your acting career! Do you know how many projects you'll have to turn-."

"I'm taking time off of acting this year... But I'm working on music. I was gonna tell you after school. Also, please don't call me during school. I could get in trouble," I warned him.

"You're at lunch. I checked. Someone snapped a picture of you ten minutes ago... Who are those kids you're with?" Rex asked.

"None of your business. You know what? I didn't get emancipated-." I bit my lip because I realized Hillary and her friends were looking at me. I put on my sunglasses and took a breath. "I'm still gonna be working. Now, I have to find a balance between work and school... Like a normal kid."

"You're not a normal kid. You're Lucky. Try not to become so average that you lose your market value. Relatable doesn't sell anymore. What do you think this is 2012?" Rex replied. I hung up on him, and amid my frustration, I got up and walked back to campus alone. Sometimes Rex said things that hurt, and I figured that was part of the job. He manages me, tells me what I don't want to hear, I hang up, and we go through it all over again. I don't know, though. What he said at lunch hurt me so bad. I hated when people talked about me like I was a product to be bought and sold at their discretion. My dad didn't like it either.

I tried to shake the thought from my mind, but it only made things worse. I thought about texting Rex and giving him a piece of my mind or blocking him, but I knew that'd backfire and make me look like a jerk. I had to swallow it as I did with everything else. Rex took good care of me after I hired him. He promised to help me rebrand a little, and I think he was working hard on that. Rex said branding me as more mature now that I was emancipated would be great for my image. I didn't know what that meant, but it sounded good. I shifted my thoughts to that until I calmed down.

The bell rang, and I went to my final class of the day. I couldn't focus, though. My last class was packed with over forty kids, and we were all squished into a hot room with windows that rusted shut. Everything in my body wanted to panic, but I swallowed it and tried to listen as much as possible. The teacher approached my desk and whispered, "Are you alright?" Her voice was soft and sincere.

I nodded, but I wasn't sure I should've. My stomach felt weird. "Are you sure?" Ms. Ito asked.

"Can I go to the restroom?" I asked. She nodded. I took my backpack with me when I went, and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I seldom got sick, so I knew something had to be wrong. When I could stand up, I called Rex.

"You told me not to call you at school," Rex replied.

I took a deep breath and tried to collect myself. "I feel sick," I replied.

"Okay..." Rex trailed off. "What do you want? A Tums?"

"Come pick me up. I'm gonna go to the office and sign myself out," I replied.

"What do I look like? A babysitter?" Rex snapped.

My stomach was cramped up, and I didn't feel like arguing with him, so I snapped back. "Come and get me, now," I commanded before hanging up.

I lingered in the bathroom for a few minutes until I knew I could walk to the office and signed myself out. "Can I sit here until my ride comes?" I asked. The nurse nodded. I was dripping sweat when Rex texted me to pick me up.

I walked to the car and took a napkin from his glovebox to wipe the sweat from my face. "You look like shit," Rex announced. I gave him the finger and pulled the mirror down to look at myself. "Is it drugs? It looks like drugs. I don't-."

"I'm not high. I'm sick. Can you take me to the emergency room?" I asked. Part of me panicked because I wasn't used to being ill, but I knew they'd call my dad if I was admitted. My stomach cramped up so bad I felt like I was dying. I rolled his window down and tried to cool off.

"What'd you eat?" Rex asked.

"I made myself a turkey sandwich for lunch... Why?" I asked.

Rex sighed. "You put the turkey in the fridge, right?" Rex questioned.

"Why would I do that?" I asked.

"Jesus Christ, Lucky. Food safety one-oh-one," Rex replied, "But I'll still take you to the emergency room." I leaned my head back and shut my eyes.

"Try to take it easy," Rex whispered. I think he felt bad for me. Or at least he sounded like it.

He helped me sign in but didn't know my legal name, so I filled that part out between stomach cramps. I hadn't even eaten enough to throw up that much. The doctor called me after nearly an hour, and he put me on an IV drip and gave me a prescription. It was an anti-biotic-something for nausea. Rex drove me home and left me alone to get some rest. I slept in the tub once the nausea meds kicked in and woke up to a call from my dad. "The hospital called me. They said you came in earlier," he stated. I was tired and out of it from the medication.

"Dad?" I asked.

"I called you six times. I'm on my way to the airport-."

"Dad, I've got food poisoning. You don't have to drop everything to come and see me," I replied. I tried to pretend that I didn't need him. It was more for my pride than anything.

"I've already got my ticket. Besides, I have a few more of your things I need to drop off," Dad replied. I pushed my hair back. I was relieved that he decided to come anyway. "How was your first day?"

"It was okay. I don't have any homework or anything," I mumbled, "Dad, my head hurts... Can we talk later on?"

"I'll call you when I get there," Dad replied before hanging up. He didn't call me by my name or say he loved me. I shivered and pressed my palms to my forehead. He sounded angry. I was almost scared to see him after that. I didn't want to argue with him, and I definitely didn't have the energy for it.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 15/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Fifteen: The Truth

Clark and Lois showed up at the hotel for dinner. We ate in silence for the first half of dinner. Had I not been out of it, I would’ve noticed how out of character that was for them. “Their winter menu is always the best,” I whispered. Clark nodded, and Lois nudged him. 

Clark swallowed hard. “Lucky, we wanted to talk to you. We went over a million different ways to explain this, but—.” 

“Are you guys gonna have another kid?” I asked. 

“Um… We have—. We have another kid,” Lois replied. I knit my brows together.

“What do you—? Did you adopt another kid?” I smiled. Lois and Clark shook their heads. 

They looked at each other and then at me. “Lucky, you’re our other kid,” Lois answered. I didn’t understand. “Are you okay?” 

“Um… I—. I don’t—. I didn’t hear you. I think I didn’t—.” 

“Lucky, we weren’t settled in our careers. We didn’t know if we’d—. We weren’t sure we could give a child everything they needed, and Lex was at a banquet dinner. He kept talking about how wonderful it’d be to have a child. So, we asked if he’d be open to adopting a child soon,” Clark explained. I shook my head. I couldn’t breathe. I needed him to be quiet for a minute to gather my thoughts, but he kept talking.

“I look like Clark… You watched me grow up. No one ever said a word. The interviews… The birthdays—.” I pushed my bangs back, trying to pull myself together. 

“Lucky—.”

“Call me by my real name, Lois… We don’t have to pretend anymore—.” 

“We—. Lex never told us what he named you,” Clark interrupted. I laughed involuntarily. 

“Okay… Um—.” I panted as I stood up. “Okay. Well, thank you for telling me.” I couldn’t say what I wanted to. I didn’t know what to think. “I’m sorry… I’m sure it was—. I don’t know what to say to you. I’m sorry. I need some time to think.” 

Clark reached across the table, and I flinched away. “Please go,” I whispered. “Please. Please. Please.” 

Everything between that exchange and the interview felt like a blur. I hadn’t slept, I wasn’t eating much, and my head felt like I’d crammed it in a trash compactor. I came in with a cup, chewing on crushed ice. I didn’t brush my hair or anything. I looked like crap. “Hi, Lucky,” the interviewer smiled. He was a new guy. I hadn’t met him yet. “I’m sorry. We haven’t met yet. I’m Jordan Martin.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m not—. I’ve been eating ice with my fingers. I’d shake your hand if my fingers weren’t wet. I promise I’m not being weird. I’m just—. I’m sorry. Hi, Jordan,” I replied. Jordan squinted at me. 

“No, it’s cool. You’re good. How was your flight? You got here last week, right?” Jordan asked while we sat down and got our mics put on. 

“Um… No, I’ve been here since—. Like… I’ve been here since the nineteenth. Not long. The flight was cool. I thought the weather was gonna be off, but it was alright,” I answered, “How are you? Are you good?” 

“I’m alright. Thanks for asking,” Jordan smiled. I shook a few ice chips into my mouth and crunched with my back teeth. “We’ve got snacks out back if you want.” 

“Oh… Um… Nah, I’m good. Thanks, though,” I answered. I scratched my head and fixed my clothes. My skin crawled, and I couldn’t sit still. It must’ve looked strange. 

“You need some time to relax before the—...” Jordan tried to take it easy on me, but I was so out of it that I didn’t realize I was acting strange. 

“Nuh-uh. I’m ready to go,” I answered.

The cameraman gave us a thumbs-up, and we nodded. Jordan introduced himself and me, then we got into the questions. “Before we get started, when are we getting the album?” Jordan asked. 

I chuckled, but as soon as it happened, I felt like it was disembodied. I blinked hard and ate another mouthful of ice. I winced at the cold, and it pulled me back. “Um… It’ll be soon. I won’t say when, but I can say there’s an announcement coming this week,” I answered.

“Okay… Can you tell us anything about the album?” Jordan asked.

“It’s—.” I yawned. “I’m sorry. I—. The album’s not like the music I usually make. It’s closer to my taste in music.” 

“Are there any elements of romance in this album? And do you think of yourself as a romantic person?” Jordan questioned. 

“There’s been a push for me to include elements of romance in my album. I’m not averse to romance. I’d like to find love someday, but it’s tough. I’m sixteen, famous, and sensitive. I’m painfully sensitive,” I replied, “But no. No romance.” 

“Painfully. That’s an interesting choice of words. I don’t read you as an emotional person. You seem like a laid-back guy,” Jordan answered. 

“I’ve been a mess all week,” I laughed. I didn’t know why I said that. I never would’ve admitted to that out loud, but it didn’t stop there. There was a separation between my mind and body as I spoke. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. It kept getting worse until the interviewer turned to the camera and shook his head. He gestured with close, straight fingers back and forth across his throat. 

“Cut the cameras… Hey, Lucky. Are you—? Do you need to talk to someone? Like a—. A mental health professional. You just admitted to self-harming on camera…” 

I apologized. “I worded that weird. I didn’t—. I’m not hurting myself. I was a little kid when that—. I’m—. I’m on no sleep. I’m sorry. This isn’t me. I’m not—.” My phone vibrated. “This is my friend’s brother. I’m so sorry. I have to take this… Jake?” 

“Hey, Lucky. Do you know someone’s circulating audio of your personal conversation about your dad?” Jake questioned. 

“Huh?” I asked.

“Hillary, can you pull it up for him?” Jake asked. And then I heard it.

“He’s not being fair,” the recording of me wept, “I love her.” 

“No… No one was supposed to—. That was last year… And it wasn’t supposed to be—. Okay… Um, I have to go,” I replied before hanging up. “I’m sorry, Jordan. I—. Something came up.” My head started spinning, and I threw up in the hotel parking lot. Everything piled on all at once. That conversation was one of the last conversations I had with my old manager. I was doing the press circuit with a costar from my last movie. My costar was in her twenties, and we’d developed a close relationship. It border lined on romantic, but it didn’t get farther than a few handwritten notes and some longing glances before my dad found out. He dealt with the issue discreetly, cutting off all contact with her, and I didn’t understand his reasoning. I told my manager about it in confidence. It was a last-ditch effort to salvage (what I now realize was) an inappropriate relationship. 

That reveal shattered me. It was supposed to stay private. Dad and I eventually came to an understanding, but this conversation was something I hadn’t mentioned to him. 

I was exhausted, and I wasn’t thinking straight. It felt like the end of the world. I went to the hotel and packed my things before heading to the airport. I posted something online, trying to explain what happened and clear things up, but I made everything worse. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to say anything, and as the comments flooded in, I knew I couldn’t fix it. I spent ten hours on the plane, spiraling and typing increasingly frightening and despondent messages.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 12/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Twelve: GRWM

“Hillary… I know you said you’d never flirt back with me… But I’m not flirting now. I’ve never been on a date or anything, so I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know anything about-. Will you be my date to homecoming?” I asked before resting my head against the brick wall. “I sound stupid… But it’s now or never. I gotta go up to her and ask. No beating around the bush. I just gotta—. I have to ask her. Hillary Chang, will you go to homecoming with me tomorrow night?”

“Sure,” Hillary answered. I yelped. I didn’t see her behind me, and I went pale as I realized she probably heard all of that.

“You heard that, didn’t you?” I asked. She nodded.

“Mhm, that’s why I said yes,” Hillary replied.

I raked a hand through my hair. “Even to the part about being my date?” I questioned.

“Sure, why not? I thought it was sweet. Besides, it’s homecoming,” Hillary explained, “Space theme, so wear something out of this world. See you in thirty minutes at the gym. Do you have your pass?”

I grinned and flashed my pass. “And your costume? Is it in your locker or your—?”

“I’ve got it… I’m literally on my way to the locker room right now,” I interrupted. Hillary tapped my shoulder and rushed toward the girl’s locker room. I entered the boy’s locker room, unlocked my locker, and changed into my costume.

The club supervisor, Mrs. Erikson, stood in the hallway by the gym entrance. “Hi, Lucky,” Mrs. Erikson smiled, “Excited for your first rally?”

I smiled and nodded. “I’m nervous… But that never goes away,” I laughed.

“Smaller group than you’re used to, though… Yeah?” Mrs. Erikson asked.

“Uh-huh, but I guess—. It’s different because I go to school here,” I explained. I rolled my shoulders back and took a deep breath.

*

Surprisingly enough, the rally went off without a hitch, and homecoming was the following day. A Saturday afternoon. Roxy came over at Rex’s request to film a ‘Get Ready With Me’ video against my will. “You wanna tell everyone who’s in your orbit for tonight?” Roxy asked as she pointed the camera toward me. I laughed and shook my head.

“Oh, you’re killing me, Roxy,” I chuckled, “No, I’m too nervous to say… I don’t wanna jinx myself.”

“Is there anything you wanna disclose about your plans tonight?” Roxy questioned.

“Um… Yeah! It’s my first real date tonight,” I replied as I shut my closet door to get dressed. My hands started shaking, and I swallowed hard. “Roxy, is the camera still on?”

“No,” Roxy answered.

I cracked the door. “What if—? Roxy, turn the camera off for a minute, please,” I begged as I hid behind the door. I didn’t want anyone to see how nervous I was.

Roxy wouldn’t turn the camera off. “Come on, Luck. Now’s not the time to be camera shy,” Roxy laughed.

The floor felt hollow under my feet, and the air thinned out until it felt like there was no air at all. It felt the same as when my lawyer called when I stayed at Hillary’s house. “I think—. Roxy, I can’t—.”

I heard her shut the camera. “Lucky?” Roxy whispered. “Are you okay?”

“Um… Yeah. I’m fine,” I lied, “I forgot to eat, and now I’m dizzy.” It was a stupid lie, but I had to tell her something.

“I’ll get you something from the kitchen,” Roxy replied. I moved away from the door, and Roxy returned with a slice of pizza. “Hey…” She smoothed my curls down in the back and clicked her tongue. “It’s alright.” Warmth spread into my cheeks, and I took a bite. It was embarrassing.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I finished eating. “Lucky, what’s the matter?” Roxy asked. I shook my head. “You’re gonna have a good time.”

I wanted to call my dad or send him a picture. It felt like he should’ve been there. I couldn’t tell Roxy that, though. I didn’t think she’d understand. I let her play with my hair until I calmed down. “It’s just nerves… You look good, Kid. Here… Wipe your hands on the bottom of my shirt so you don’t mess up your clothes,” Roxy whispered as she took my hands and wiped them clean. “Okay… The camera goes back on in five, and I take you to pick up your date in ten.” She patted my knee and left me to change her shirt in my bathroom.

She gave me exactly five minutes to pull myself together before she called me into the living room to do an outfit reveal. “Stop being weird about it. Show off,” Roxy replied. I laughed and struck a pose. “There you go. Blow the camera a kiss—.”

“Roxy, can we run through the slow dance again?” I asked. She propped the camera on its stand, and we stood straight.

“You’ve got it easy. Your job is to keep your hands high enough. Your date’s job is to remember where her hands go. If she fumbles, be a gentleman about it,” Roxy explained. She mimicked a confused motion, and I took her hands, placing one on my shoulder and the other at my side. I flashed an awkwardly reassuring grin, and she waited for me to lead. “Nothing fancy. It’s only homecoming. A simple slow turn is fine.” Roxy waited for me to lead.

“Did you go to homecoming when you were in high school?” I asked.

“Sophomore year’s homecoming queen,” Roxy replied, “Almost missed them call my name because I was in the bathroom smoking a cigarette.” I pulled away, blinking hard at the deadpan tone in her voice. “A joke… Luck, I was joking.”

“Oh,” I replied. Roxy fixed my collar and hair. “How do I look?”

“Not repulsive,” Roxy joked. I stuck out my tongue.

“And you don’t look bad for an old lady,” I teased. Roxy shook her head.

She grabbed my house keys off the counter and tucked them inside my jacket pocket. “Can’t forget these,” Roxy whispered, “She must be special…”

“What do you mean?” I questioned.

“You asked her to the dance… You hang out with her almost every day. You must really like her,” Roxy grinned.

“Yeah… Hill’s great. She’s funny, smart, reliable, responsible—.”

“If Lex could pick a girl for you, it’d be her… Wouldn’t it?” Roxy asked. Roxy was right, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. I didn’t want to talk about my dad. I wanted to have a good night. I wanted to be like everyone else for a single night. I wanted to dance and laugh and enjoy being a teenage boy.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 11/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Eleven: In Waves

Hillary was almost always busy on the weekends, so I wasn’t surprised to wake up to only Jake that morning. I could smell breakfast cooking in the kitchen, and Jake looked directly at me as if he was anticipating me being up on time to eat. “You okay?” Jake asked. I nodded. “You look like shit… No offense.”

“It’s been a busy month, but I’m doing alright,” I replied. It was the first night of peaceful sleep I’d had in weeks.

“If you say so... And I’m proud of you,” Jake stated. I stretched out.

“For what?” I questioned.

“You’re like me in some ways… Stubborn. But you asked for help last night instead of getting into the car with some stranger or walking home alone. I have to respect you for doing the smart thing,” Jake explained, “You might be emancipated, but you’re still somebody’s kid at the end of the day… Do you eat ham?”

“Huh? Oh-. No, my dad never let me eat red meat as a kid because he was worried about the mad cow disease stuff when I was five, and then swine flu was a thing… He worried a lot,” I laughed.

“Was that why you did it?” Jake asked. My smile faded.

“Yeah… It was,” I mumbled, “But not in a resentful way. I want to show him I can take care of myself… I want him to know he can relax—.”

“I know what I am to my brother and sister isn’t the same thing as a father and his kid, but I was worried sick when my sister went to Poland for a semester last year. I lied to her in letters, telling her I didn’t miss her, but I couldn’t sleep knowing she was so far away from me,” Jake whispered, “And Hillary was being taken care of by a host family.”

I lost my appetite… But I couldn’t let Jake know I was upset. So, I stayed for breakfast. I didn’t have much to say, but I understood he meant well. It would’ve comforted me if I believed it. But all it did was make me sad. So sad, I thought I’d cry before I could get home. Jake tapped his fork against the plate. “I’m tougher on Hillary than I am on you,” Jake whispered, “So, don’t think I don’t like you. I think you’re a great kid. That’s why I voice my concerns.”

“I know,” I replied gently, “Thanks again for everything. I have to go home and change. I need to get back to work. I went to sleep last night before I could finish.”

“Okay… Don’t be a stranger. I like seeing your face around here. You and Hillary seem like you’re getting pretty close,” Jake smiled.

I got my bag and waved at him. As soon as I was out of sight, I burst into tears. I wanted to call my dad, but I couldn’t. Rex called me, and I had to pull myself together to answer his call. “Good morning, Rex,” I replied, feigning friendliness.

“How soon can you get dressed for a popup meet-and-greet?” Rex asked.

“I—. I’m on my way home to get dressed. Do you think anyone’s gonna show up?” I asked.

“I set the meet and greet for noon, and there’s already a line of kids standing at the boardwalk looking for you,” Rex replied.

I took a breath. “I’ll be there by eleven-thirty,” I replied. I didn’t want to be around anyone because I felt awful, but meet-and-greets were usually fun. So, I showered and held a warm cloth to my eyelids before throwing makeup over my dark circles. I walked around the school to the boardwalk and met with Rex, who gave me a coffee. “Thanks, Rex.”

“No problem, Kid. How’re you doing? You look awful,” Rex whispered. Well, he was pleasant for five seconds at least.

The meet-and-greet didn’t start for another fifteen minutes… which meant I had to keep from snapping at Rex for fifteen minutes. The first person I met was a girl who brought me a book and asked me to sign her vinyl. It was a lot of picture-taking and signing autographs, but one person in particular woke me up. “I know you only have a few minutes with each person, so I just-. I wanted to say I always watch From The Eye Of The Storm when I’m sad, and the movie gave me somebody to connect to when I feel alone,” he whispered.

From The Eye Of The Storm was a movie where I played a boy with amnesia who was swept up on the shore of a small seaside town. His only memory was of seeing himself in a casket. Spoiler. It was his twin. It was about the concept of self-mourning and how the life un-lived always seems sweeter than the one lived. I connected to it, too.

I started to tear up, and I smiled at him. “Thank you for that… Um, I feel alone sometimes too, but when-. It’s nice to know that someone’s out there connecting to the same things. Feeling the same stuff I feel,” I whispered, “Can I hug you?” He nodded.

“I’d like that a lot,” he grinned with tears in his eyes. I hugged him and allowed myself to cry for a moment.

“Well, now we know we aren’t alone. I’m glad you shared that with me. That was comforting,” I whispered, “Nice to meet you.”

Roxy switched out my coffees in between the second group of people, and Rex came to shut things down about an hour after it started. I shook my head and grabbed his arm. “Rex, let me stay for a little bit. Tell everyone to grab lunch and come back. We can sit and have lunch on the beach,” I whispered.

“You sure you wanna stay longer?” Rex asked.

“Mhm… I feel a lot better than I did this morning. Actually—. Rex, thank you for this. I needed it,” I smiled.

He softened and messed my hair up. “Anytime, kid… And thanks for not complaining about the last-minute plans,” Rex grinned. I sat with my fans on the beach and ate lunch with them while we talked. It felt good to have a normal interaction with people.

Hillary even texted me, and I invited her for dinner later. At a pizza place. She took me up on my offer, and I went for a celebratory swim. In all the time I lived there, I never went swimming. So, when I felt the warm Pacific waters wash over me, I felt calm like I’d never felt before. I kicked around in the water, remembering how my dad held me up when he taught me how to swim. I was terrified of the water the first time I got in the pool with him, but I laughed it off. If I wasn’t shaking so hard, he wouldn’t have known I was scared out of my mind.

Dad took me out of the water and held me close to his chest until the shaking stopped, and he said in his best I’m-the-boss-of-everything voice, “This is my little boy, and I won’t have you scaring him. You hear me?” And then, he pulled away to look at me, and everything was okay again. “Are you ready to try again, or should I give the pool another talking to?”

The memory made my chest ache, and I felt so sick I thought I’d throw up, so I swam to shore, ran to the nearest trash can, and stood there with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I wanted my dad more than I wanted anything. All I wanted was for him to make things okay again.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 10/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Ten: Power Ballad

There was a miscommunication, and my lawyer got the judge to push my date back to December without telling me first. So when October came around, I went to my finals at the same time as all the other kids, and we got out of school early for two days. I finished my contract renegotiations in September, so I spent a lot of time in the studio after school when I wasn’t in the creative dance club with Hillary. Still, I felt lonely without Dad. I hadn’t seen him since August, and I think it affected the tone of the music I wrote. “Luck, don’t you think you should throw in something upbeat?” Rex asked. “What do you think, Roxy?”

“I think it doesn’t have to be upbeat… But it needs a power ballad or something,” Roxy suggested.

“I’m writing what I feel,” I replied. “You guys don’t have to hover. I promised a February release, and I’m sticking to that… I’ve just—. I have a lot on my plate right now. I have to figure out what to say to the judge in December. How do you convince somebody to tell you who brought you into the world? Hey, I have a wonderful father who I love dearly, but I recently found out he’s not the life-giver I thought he was. Can you give me the names of my birth parents… And explain to me why they didn’t keep me? Oh, and I want to thank them for giving me to my dad because I can’t imagine my life without him.” I strummed my guitar to fill the silence.

“Hey, Luck? I’m going to Sun Dollar. Want one of those teas with the fruit in it?” Roxy asked.

“Can I get a peach tea, please? And if they have a bag of that berry tea can you ask them to put them in one cup?” I asked. Roxy brushed her knuckle against my chin.

“You got it, Kid… And don’t you have your first school dance coming up? You’ll have the power ballad as soon as you meet eyes with that special somebody on the dancefloor,” Roxy teased, “It’ll be nothing but sweet little ballads from that moment on.”

My cheeks went rosy at the thought, but I hadn’t grown close to anyone outside Hillary. I was so focused on fulfilling my promise to perform with the creative dance club at the rally that I never thought about getting a date for the dance. I sank and stared at the ceiling. Was she waiting for me to ask her? Did someone else ask her? Heck… Were we friends or something more than that? It was all confusing. “What’s bothering you now?” Rex asked, snapping me out of it.

“I’ll ask Roxy when she gets back,” I replied.

I fell asleep in the chair before she could return, and I woke up to my phone vibrating in my hood. “Hello?” I mumbled before looking around the empty room. Rex and Roxy were long gone.

“Lucky, were you asleep?” Lois asked.

“Uhh… Yeah, but I need to get home soon, so it’s a good thing you called me,” I replied, “Wait… What’s wrong? What time—?” I checked the time. Two-oh-four in the morning. “Did something happen?”

“No… Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. You poor thing, I forgot about the time zones. What time is it for you right now?” Lois asked.

“Two a.m.,” I replied with a tearful voice. My mind knew everything was fine, but my body hadn’t caught up. I cried without meaning to, and I wiped my tears away. “I’m sorry… You scared me. I thought my dad-. You said he’s okay, right?”

“Yes, Lex is fine… Lucky, I’m so sorry. I can call you later on—.”

“No, it’s okay,” I sniffed, “I like talking to you, and I wanted to talk to you… Um, can I get your advice for something stupid? I mean—. I don’t know anyone I can ask that’s my age, but you went to school dances and stuff—.”

“No dumb questions here, Lucky,” Lois interrupted. I dried my eyes and chuckled.

“Oh, um-. My first dance is coming up, and I—. I’m not sure if people even—. I made one friend, and she’s the nicest girl. She—. We’re friends, but I don’t know if I should ask her out to the dance or if that’s only something people do in movies. Is that something only couples do? And would it mess up my friendship with her if I asked? I like her, but I don’t know if I like her as a friend or more than a friend—.”

“Lucky, breathe… If you want to ask, you should ask. The worst thing that could happen is your friend says no, and it’s a bit awkward, but—.”

“Grand gestures aren’t her thing. I can’t—. How do I ask her?” I interrupted without meaning to.

“Be straightforward and sincere. Your friend will respect you for being honest. How would you feel if she said no?” Lois questioned. I took my drink out of the fridge and took a sip.

“I’d be embarrassed, but at least I’d hope we could still be friends,” I answered. I meant that. I liked being around Hillary. She was my friend.

I moved toward the door, but I felt a wave of nausea. Or maybe fear. “That’s good, Lucky. I hope you ask her… And tell me how it goes,” Lois whispered.

“I—. Lois, how’s my dad?” I asked.

“He’s alright. Wait—. You said you weren’t home… Are you at a friend’s house?” Lois questioned. I ran a hand through my hair as I took another sip. It was the only thing that calmed my nerves.

“No… I’m at the studio, and I think everyone went home. I’m—. It’s dumb, but I’m scared to go home alone. It’s so late here,” I laughed. Lois made a soft clicking noise.

“Do you know someone that can pick you up?” Lois asked. She sounded worried.

“No, but I should—. I—. It’s not a school night. I can sleep here,” I replied.

“Are you sure? Lucky, is that safe?” Lois asked.

“Is what safe?” Clark asked in the background.

“Lucky’s in the studio by himself at two a.m. He said he might sleep there,” Lois explained.

“He can’t do that, can he?” Clark asked.

“It’s fine… Um, the studio has better security than my building. I’m safer here than going home tonight,” I replied. I didn’t want them telling my dad.

“Lucky, maybe I have some friends out there that could—.”

“I think I have my friend’s oldest brother’s number in my phone for emergencies. He usually gets off work this time on Fridays. It was nice hearing from you guys, and thanks for the advice, Lois. I’ll talk to you guys in a few hours… Night—. Morning,” I replied before hanging up. I had no choice but to text Hillary. I was surprised when she answered immediately by calling me.

“Hey, Lucas, do you know what time it is?” Hillary asked. She called me that affectionately because I wouldn’t tell her my real name.

“Is Jake up right now—?”

“Oh, gross—.”

“No, I don’t—. Eww—. Come on, Hil’, he’s your brother… I’m asking because I wanna go home, but I fell asleep, and now everybody’s gone. Do you think he’d come and pick me up if I asked him nicely? Or if I offered to pay him gas for the ride here and back to my place?” I asked.

“Let me ask him. Hold on,” Hillary whispered. I heard her footsteps over the phone, and she knocked on his door. “Jake?”

“What’s the matter?” Jake questioned.

“Lucky wanted to ask you for a favor, but he’s scared you’ll say no. He even offered to pay you for gas—.”

“He in trouble?” Jake asked. “Tell him to send you his location. I’ll come and get him. Does he wanna stay the night?”

I sent my location to her phone. “Let me ask. Lucky, do you wanna stay over?” Hillary asked.

“I can if that’s easier,” I replied.

“He said he’ll do whatever’s easiest for you,” Hillary replied.

“Okay. I’m on my way there. Tell him to stay put… Oh, and that it was smart he called instead of trying to get home this late by himself. I don’t care how late it is. You do exactly what he did if you’re stuck somewhere past curfew. You hear me?” Jake asked her in his usual no-nonsense voice. And everything felt okay for a while. At least for that night.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 9/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Exploitation, References to Depression, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Childhood Trauma, Self-Confidence Issues, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Nine: October Road

I stayed the night because I didn’t want to go home. I could hear Jake talking to Hillary when I was in the bathroom. “What’s he like? Is he okay?” Jake whispered. He didn’t sound like he was judging me. He sounded worried. “Does it seem like he’s got people? Like a support system?”

“I think he’s okay… He seems alright. Honestly… I don’t know anything about him personally,” Hillary replied, “I never thought about it before…”

I dried behind my ears with the towel and finished brushing my teeth. I opened the door and smiled at them. “Thanks for letting me stay the night. I really appreciate it… And dinner was great,” I thanked Jake. Hillary wore a jersey as a pajama dress, and I looked at the ground to keep from putting my foot in my mouth. I think Jake noticed.

“No problems as long as you stay out here on the couch. Don’t try to venture back there because I’ll wake up. You hear me?” Jake asked. I nodded. “I wanna hear you say you understand me.”

“I understand,” I replied. Jake smiled and patted my arm.

“Night, Hillary. Night, Lucky,” Jake replied before going to his room.

Hillary lingered in the hall for a while. “Jake likes you… He’s just—. He’s like that sometimes. Goodnight,” Hillary whispered before placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

“Your brothers seem cool,” I replied, “And I get it. Goodnight, Hil’, thanks for inviting me over.”

I unzipped my backpack after everyone went to bed and read over the papers Wagner gave me. I got through the first chunk before I fell asleep with them stacked on my chest. Hillary woke me up for school, and I nearly dropped them all on the floor. She held them to my chest and laughed at the goofiness of the moment. “What’s this? Physics homework?” Hillary joked.

“Label contracts… My manager didn’t tell me that everything is up for renegotiation now that I’m emancipated, so I have to read through all this,” I laughed it off, but it pissed me off. I barely had time for homework, and now I had to be saddled with contracts and bills.

“Feel free to tell me if I’m wrong, but isn’t a manager supposed to do all this stuff?” Hillary asked as she neatly stacked my papers on their coffee table so I could sit up. We met eyes, and she frowned. “Luck? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It was nice to spend the night here… Your brothers were super nice to me,” I smiled.

Joey came out of his room and kissed Hillary on the cheek. “Don’t be late for school. Love you, kid," Joey smiled, "Don't be a stranger, Lucky… Oh, and I left some clothes for you in the bathroom."

"Thanks, and I won't. Maybe you guys can all come over sometime," I offered. Joey grinned and nodded.

"Sounds good," Joey replied as he left the house. I went to the bathroom, cleaned up, and dressed for school. Hillary made me a smoothie for breakfast, and I helped her make lunch quietly in the kitchen. "Lucky, do you have a support system? I mean—. Do you have somebody that you can call if you need them?" Hilary asked. I shrugged and smiled. "Luck—."

"Don't worry about me. I'm okay," I laughed it off. The question made me sad because I only had Rex and Roxy. I wanted Hillary to leave it alone.

My phone rang, and I leaned against the counter and sighed. "Hello?" I answered.

"Lucky, good news and bad news,” a woman announced. I looked at the caller ID to see my lawyer’s name, but it wasn’t his voice.

“What’s up? And where’s Double X?” I asked. Double X was what I affectionately called my lawyer because of the two Xs in his last name.

“He’s in a meeting, but Mr. Madoxx wanted me to speak to you immediately. Your court date is on the third of October—.”

“Whoa! Really?” I smiled. “That’s great news!”

“But there’s also bad news,” she replied.

“Okay, hit me,” I sighed.

“You’ll have to fly out to Metropolis during the school week to make your petition to the judge… And you’ll have to argue the benefit of unsealing your adoption records against your father… And he will argue that it’s detrimental to your emotional and developmental well-being,” she explained.

“When is October third? What day is that?” I asked. Hillary touched my arm.

“It’s the first day of finals,” Hillary replied.

“Oh no, that’s bad… The third is awful. I’ve got finals on the third,” I stated as I ran a hand through my hair.

“We can try to get you a different date, but I don’t think you’ll get a better time than this one. You’re fortunate that you could get a date this soon,” the assistant answered, “It’s a court date, so you should be able to reschedule your finals. Especially if you let your teachers know ahead of time… But your father—.”

“This isn’t personal. I’m not gonna let this be personal. My dad will always be my dad… I just—. I have to know where I came from, and I don’t think this should tear us apart. I’m actually—. I’m excited to see him,” I replied with a lilt. I was lying through my teeth. I shook like a leaf at the idea of going against my father in court. I nudged Hillary as I grabbed the smoothie she made me and slipped my backpack on.

“Let’s go. I don’t wanna make us late,” I whispered.

Hillary grabbed two umbrellas and gently brushed past me. “You okay, Luck?” she asked.

I nodded as I trailed behind her. “Okay… I’ll get my finals rescheduled ahead of time. And don’t worry about my dad. It’s fine. We’re not out to hurt each other,” I smiled, “This isn’t personal.” I could’ve said that a billion times, and it wouldn’t have made things easier to stomach. She said goodbye and promised me an email before hanging up. I started hyperventilating, and I laughed through it to save face, but I think it only made me look insane to Hillary.

“Lucky? Do you need to sit down for a minute?” Hillary asked.

“No, I’m fine. Really, I’m—.” I kept laughing until it got so bad I couldn’t hide it. I wavered and staggered forward. Hillary caught me and forced me to sit on the side of the road. “I’m scared… I’m so scared that I’m going through all this for no reason. I’m scared that I’m making a huge mistake and that I hurt my dad forever over something that doesn’t even matter… Hillary, I can’t—. Hillary—.” She let me lay my head on her lap.

“It’s gonna be alright… Lucky, it’s okay,” Hillary reassured me as she scratched my scalp and ran her fingers through my hair. “Shhh… It’s alright. It’s gonna be alright.”

My breaths slowed to normal, and I sat up straight. “Uhh… Hillary? Do you mind not telling anyone at school? I don’t usually get emotional like that, and I—.”

“Nothing happened,” Hillary interrupted with a smile. I wanted to hug her, but I didn’t think she’d like that.

“Thank you… And thanks for breakfast… And letting me have dinner at your house… And letting me spend the night,” I laughed, “You’re a good friend… And I wanna be a good friend too… Let me do something nice for you. Please. Say the word, and I’ll do it.”

Hillary laughed and shook her head. “That’s not how it works. This isn’t something you have to pay me back for. You didn’t ask me to do it,” Hillary replied, “I invited you over. I volunteered to make you breakfast. And you never asked for anything.”

“Wow, but I still wanna do something nice for you… If you ever need anything, let me know,” I whispered.

“I need us to get to school on time,” Hillary joked. I chuckled and followed her to school.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 8/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Exploitation, References to Depression, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Childhood Trauma, Self-Confidence Issues, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Eight: Lucas

On Monday, I returned to school. I sat at lunch with Hillary and her friends, as usual. I lay in the grass eating grapes and staring at the clouds while Hillary took pictures of the street vendors with her camera. She lay on her stomach beside me, propped up on her elbows. I was startled when she decided to lean over me out of nowhere. "Hey, Lucky?" Hillary asked. My eyes widened as her hair hung near my face, tickling my chin and forehead.

"Whoa," I whispered. Hillary smiled and gave me a playful shove.

"Shut up," Hillary laughed, "What's Lucky short for? Lionel? Lucien? Lucas?"

"Nothing. It's not my name," I answered casually, "It's a stage name."

Hillary sat up and grabbed my wrist. "So everyone calls you Lucky, and it has nothing to do with your name? Do you even like being called Lucky?" Hillary asked.

I blinked hard. "Only my dad uses my real name... I'm so used to hearing people call me Lucky that it feels like my name sometimes," I replied. One of Hillary's friends returned to the grass, and I returned to my handful of grapes.

"Hey, Lucky, you want some?" her male friend asked. He'd bought a bucket of wings from a nearby restaurant. I nodded and lifted my bag of grapes to offer him a few. I think lunch was the only time of day when I felt normal. Hillary's friends were cool like her. And I think she was starting to like me.

"Hey, Lucky, are you joining any after-school clubs?" Hillary asked.

"I'm still waiting to see the creative dance club," I replied. Hillary grinned.

"I'll text you the info... And speaking of that, I'll be in the quad at lunchtime tomorrow instead of here," Hillary replied as she pulled her phone out of her bag. I got a phone call from Rex and stepped away.

"Yeah," I answered.

"You need to get in the studio and start workshopping songs for the album soon," Rex commanded.

"Uh-huh, yeah," I replied, "Send me the address. I'll go after I do my after-school stuff." I didn't feel like talking to him. Not after how he spoke to me.

"What's your problem?" Rex questioned. I scoffed and hung up in his face. Rex had a lot of nerve asking me what my problem was. I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm.

"Are you alright?" Hillary asked. I blinked hard at her. "You always seem stressed after you answer phone calls."

I wished she wouldn't have mentioned it. "Yeah, well... I guess that means he's doing his job," I mumbled. When I caught my tone, I backtracked. "I didn't mean that. Hillary, I'm a little jet-lagged. I didn't think before I spoke... What I said was terrible."

It wasn't terrible. I meant every word, and I wished I could've said more... But I couldn't dare show any sign of thanklessness. I pushed my feelings deep down inside, swallowing my pride to push on. I forced a smile and rushed back to campus. I wanted to be alone for a few minutes.

I had a few minutes before class to get over myself. Ms. Ito let me in early, and I sat with my head down for a while. "Feeling sick?" Ms. Ito questioned. I shook my head. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm okay... How are you?" I asked.

"I'm alright," Ms. Ito replied. That was the last real conversation I had all day. When I got to my apartment after club sign-ups, I remembered I had to go to the studio.

I put my happy face back on and got a ride to the studio. I carried my notebook in and was immediately met with lawyers and adults with clipboards and laptops. "What's all this?" I questioned.

"Your father signed the contracts when you were under his care, but that's all up for renegotiation now that you're emancipated," Mr. Wagner explained, "Rex didn't tell you?"

Of course, Rex didn't tell me. He left me to the wolves again, and I had no one in my corner. They pushed me to sign right away, but Dad taught me better. Music was a tricky business, and Dad taught me specific phrases to look out for on a contract. "I wanna take this home and read it first. Give me until Friday?" I asked.

"Come on, Luck. You know us—."

I grinned and tapped the stack of paperwork on the table. "I know you, but I don't know this contract," I half-joked, "Friday? And I'll call you if anything comes up." I had more leverage as a musician than I did as an actor. I could say no and negotiate. And if they were stubborn, I could walk.

"Alright. Friday, Luck. So, I guess we're done here for the day," Mr. Wagner sighed. I nodded and stuffed the contract in my backpack along with my notebook.

I walked half the way to my apartment, running into Hillary on my way to dinner. "Lucky!" she exclaimed. I waved. "Are you busy?"

I jogged across the street to meet her. "Nope, plans got canceled. I wanted to grab something for dinner," I replied. She playfully bumped into me as we walked.

"Have dinner at my place tonight. Maybe it'll cheer you up," Hillary offered. I smirked.

"Why? Do I look sad or something?" I questioned. "And sure, I'd love to."

"Heads up, I live with my brothers. It's just us three," Hillary warned me, "And we're gonna have spaghetti and meatballs."

I followed behind. "Hey, Hillary… Thanks for inviting me to dinner," I replied sincerely. Hillary looked me in the eye and grinned.

"No problem, Lucky. I'm right here," Hillary replied as she entered the house. "I brought a friend with me!"

"Do they like spaghetti because we don't have anything else today?" a deep voice asked.

"Lucky, do you like spaghetti?" Hillary asked. I nodded. "He likes spaghetti!"

Two men cheered playfully. Hillary removed her shoes and set her bag by the door, and I copied her. "Got fired from the stupid pasta place, so I took a shitton of breadsticks!" one of her brothers shouted.

One of her brothers came out and set the table, walking straight past us before backtracking. "Hey, you look like that kid from Letters To Hope," he chuckled.

"That was my first movie," I replied.

He squinted at me. "Lucky Luthor?" he questioned.

"Yup," I nodded.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Joey," he introduced himself. I shook his hand.

Her other brother brought dinner out. "Joey, go get the legally procured breadsticks, please," her other brother ordered, "Sorry, I'm Jake. When she brought a friend, I thought she meant Robert."

"Oh no... I'm Lucky," I replied as I reached to shake his hand.

Jake looked at Hillary and then at me. "No kiddin'..." Jake grinned.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 7/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Exploitation, References to Depression, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Self-Confidence Issues, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Seven: Hidden Hills

I got a room somewhere else for the night, so I wouldn't have to face Rex's wrath. When I got up the following morning, I dressed up and took a Lyft to an old burger spot. That's where I wanted to meet Clark and Lois. They were early. "Hi, Lucky," Clark smiled. I greeted them both with hugs.

"How's your kid?" I asked. Lois and Clark had a little boy. I think he was from the same place Clark and his cousin were from. They'd only had him for a short time.

"He's doing alright. Thank you for asking," Clark replied.

I remembered something and glanced down at my menu. "I'm not taking advantage of being emancipated... I know there've been rumors, but I'm not trying to do anything wild or out there," I explained, "So if you're worried about that... I promise you don't have to be."

"Oh, we know that. We're more concerned about your well-being... How are you doing?" Lois asked.

"Well, I'm adjusting to the new place... I'm okay," I replied.

"I meant—."

"The whole being adopted thing... That's what you're asking me about?" I whispered. They nodded. "Off the record... I wanna know who they are. I don't want anything from them. I only wanna see them."

"Well, don't you think-... Finding out that you're adopted is a huge thing, Lucky. Don't you want to take some time to figure out what that means for you?" Clark asked. I took a sip of my drink. I knew he meant well because he was adopted too, but I still had my feelings about it all.

"I don't know... What if I wait too long and lose my chance to meet them? It's bad enough that I have to wait until wintertime to find out their names," I replied. Lois and Clark nodded. "But the truth is, I think they're already gone... I wanna be hopeful, but maybe they're not around anymore." I tried to rationalize with myself. I don't think Clark and Lois were trying to judge me, but I felt I had to justify my feelings.

"Lucky—."

My phone rang. I thought I'd turned it off, but I remembered I used it to order a ride. "I'm so sorry... I probably have to answer this," I apologized.

I took my drink and stepped outside to answer the phone. "Turn your location back on! What's wrong with you?" Rex hollered. I rubbed the back of my neck. "Huh?"

"Where were you?" I asked in a much softer tone than Rex deserved at that moment. "She practically tore me apart in that interview, and none of the questions had anything to do with the album."

"You're just paying—."

"Not to sound arrogant or anything, but I've already paid my dues. I've been in entertainment for twelve years, and in all that time, I've never felt this violated after an interview... Kelley practically accused Lex of threatening me into silence—."

"Save your outrage for your tell-all after a few stints in rehab and a mental health break," Rex replied.

"Funny," I scoffed.

"Not funny. Your trainwreck era is crucial to building your new adult image. I'm waiting for you to be at least eighteen, but I think if you can act your way through—."

"What is wrong with you?" I raised my voice without meaning to. "I'm not doing any of that." Suddenly, I was worried about the aftermath of that interview and what it would mean for my career.

Clark came outside and asked if I wanted to order anything. I muted myself and turned to him, trying to conceal any signs of distress on my face. "Hey, sure... I'll have the seven with fries. I'll be right in... And please don't pay. I've got the bill," I whispered. Clark smiled at me.

"You don't have to do that," Clark chuckled, "The burgers are only two bucks."

"I know, but I insist," I replied.

"Earth to Luck!" Rex yelled. Clark went inside to order our food, and I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"I'm not going—." I unmuted myself. "I'm not ruining my reputation so people will take me seriously. Don't you think that's ―I don't know― counterproductive?"

"Suit yourself. What are you up to right now?" Rex asked.

"Nothing bad... I'll be at the airport tonight. Don't worry," I replied before hanging up. I knew I'd have to make it up by accepting an interview elsewhere soon. I dreaded being interrogated and jested at like I wasn't a real human being.

I walked into the restaurant and sat at the table. "You okay?" Lois asked. I perked up and nodded.

"Oh yeah, my manager was pestering me about making my flight tonight," I replied, "Not that I'd miss it on purpose or anything. I've got school Monday."

"School," Clark announced like he remembered something. "How do you like it so far?"

"Everyone's been nice to me. I think I made a friend or two, but I'm not sure yet," I answered.

"It'll happen," Clark replied, "Do you feel like the curriculum is any different?"

"Um, I feel weird sometimes because it's not self-paced anymore... I'm ahead, so I'm in classes for seniors," I answered, "But I'm in PE with kids my age... So, it's not as weird. Also, there's not as much time to ask questions during class because everyone else has to share the teacher... Oh! And this girl laughed at me for it, but I was super shocked to see how many kids attend high school. High schools are packed to the gills with people. It's nothing like tv."

Clark and Lois smiled. I liked their smiles. They never made me feel weird or dumb, or out of touch. They genuinely showed interest in everything I had to say. It made me want to talk to them for hours. "It sounds more exciting than overwhelming," Lois replied, "That's great. I was worried it'd be a lot for you to handle. Public school in an entirely new state can be a culture shock for anybody."

"No, I like it. I mean, it's so different from anything I've ever experienced, but I love that I get to be around people my age. It's helping me figure out my normal," I explained. I didn't want lunch to end. It was the first time in months that I could open up and talk about the things that excited me. The waitress served us, and I dug in. I hadn't eaten since the interview.

After I ate, I got a text from Rex telling me to turn my location on. I ignored it, paid for the food, and apologized to Lois and Clark for ducking out so fast. I got a ride back to the hotel and turned my location on once I reached my room door. Rex swung the door open. "What are you wearing?" Rex asked.

"Sweats and a t-shirt... I left my clothes here, remember?" I asked as I pushed past him. "Can we book an earlier flight? I wanna beat the package I sent."

"What?" Rex asked.

"I wanna get home before my package does. I sent myself something in the mail," I explained, "And I'm sick of the scenery here."

Rex ran a hand over his face. "I'll have Roxy do that right now," Rex replied. I went through their door to my adjoining room, showered, and changed into something of my own. I hated Rex sometimes. He made me feel guilty for reacting. I buried those feelings deep down because it was easier than dealing with everything.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 6/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Exploitation, References to Depression, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Childhood Trauma, Self-Confidence Issues, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Six: Off the Record

"Growing up, you didn't know you were adopted, right?" Kelley Michel asked.

"No, I had no idea... But it's not like my dad lied. It never came up. I never thought I might've come from somewhere else," I answered. Kelley nodded and took a breath. "I had a great childhood. I never wanted anything. I never needed anything."

"Did you ever wonder why you didn't have a mother?" Kelley questioned. That question wasn't on the provided list. I looked up at the ceiling and shrugged.

"My dad loved me so much I never thought about anyone else. When you grow up a certain way, you don't question things. It all seems normal. I never thought about why I didn't have a mom. I had a dad that checked all the boxes for everything I needed, so I never would've wondered about a mom," I replied, "And not every kid has a mom growing up for one reason or another. Why would I question that?"

"Are you trying to reconnect with your birth parents, and will we hear anything about that soon?" Kelley asked.

"It was a closed adoption, but I'm going through the court process to get those records unsealed... And I probably won't make it public if I find them. It's terrifying not knowing where you come from or how you ended up where you are. I can only imagine it's tough for them too... It's mortifying being in the public eye sometimes, and I could only imagine how that would be for whoever my biological parents are," I answered. I hated the line of questioning, and I didn't think it could get any worse.

"Shortly after your emancipation, you came out as bisexual. I think the fans want to know if that had anything to do with your public argument with your-."

"My dad loves me for everything that I am. I didn't come out to spite anyone. My dad knew for years. I decided to come out publicly because I wanted to go to pride. I told everyone before they could ask," I replied. I was touchy about that for several reasons. She could tell I was uncomfortable. The questions kept getting worse until I couldn't take it anymore. She asked about abuse allegations and brought up public meltdowns I had as a small kid. Her questions weren't fair. They felt like personal attacks.

"I wanted to ask a question that's been off-limits for years. Several years ago, something happened between you and a co-star on the set-."

"Oh, that question is still off-limits," I replied. There was an altercation between my dad and a big star on the set because he hit me. We were all tired that day, and I missed my mark, and he hauled off and slapped me. I didn't want to talk about it after it happened. We finished filming the movie, and we never spoke of it again. It was one of my scariest experiences, and I didn't feel an interview for a magazine was the time and place. She kept pushing, and I walked out. Rex tried to stop me, but I was so pissed off that I was afraid of what I'd do if I stayed. I walked until my phone rang. It was a reporter from Metropolis.

"Hey, I just walked out of an interview, so I'm not-."

"This is Lois Lane from the Daily Planet... I wasn't calling to ask for an interview," she replied.

"Oh... Hi, Lois," I replied. Lois Lane and her husband were the only two reporters I really liked.

"How are you, Lucky?" Lois asked. I didn't answer. "Lucky? I called to check on you."

"Oh, I'm fine. Actually, I'll be back in Metropolis this winter for personal reasons if you want to do lunch," I suggested, "But if you wanna talk now... Off the record, that's cool too."

"Off the record is fine... How's school?" Lois asked.

"I love being around all the kids... I still don't know where I fit in, though," I answered, "Meeting people is hard."

"But you're a brilliant kid... Kids will warm up to you once they get to know you," Lois reassured. It felt good to finally speak to somebody familiar. "Say, are you at home?"

"No, I'm in Los Angeles... And I'm desperately trying to avoid my publicist. He's furious with me," I replied as I crossed the street. "Why?"

"Are you gonna be there tomorrow morning?" Lois asked.

"Sure, I'm not leaving until late tomorrow night... Where's Clark?" I asked. Usually, Clark would've dropped in on the call to say hello or something, but things were quiet on her end. Clark hadn't said a word.

"Would you believe me if I said he beat me to L.A.?" Lois replied. "He's covering the Walk of Stars story today, but I'm meeting him tomorrow morning. We've both been worried about how you've been. You've gone almost completely off the grid."

"Oh, well... I've been alright. I've been busy moving across the country and getting ready for school, but once I get used to everything, I'll jump right back into doing interviews," I answered. To be honest, I didn't miss any of it. I dreaded getting back into the pageantry of it all. If I could make music and act without having to be poked and prodded and ogled at, I think I'd be alright. I was so in my head that I forgot I was on the phone.

"Lucky?" Lois called. "Are you still there?"

"Oh yeah, sorry. Um, do you guys wanna do lunch?" I asked.

"Sure, but-. Lucky, listen... Are you actually okay?" Lois questioned.

Maybe I wasn't. I started feeling kind of down after that, and I couldn't figure out why. "Yeah, I um-. Today's been weird, but I'll be fine," I answered, "I'm gonna try to figure out brunch because I haven't eaten yet, but I'll text you my info and where to meet me."

"Okay, Lucky. It was nice talking to you," Lois replied.

"You too, Lois. Thanks for calling," I replied before hanging up. I walked to a record store to cheer myself up. I snagged a few tees and a couple of records for my collection, but it didn't help much. Every time I stopped to think, I felt worse and worse. I wasn't in a position to walk out of any interviews, let alone one that important. I screwed up bad.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 5/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Exploitation, References to Depression, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Childhood Trauma, Self-Confidence Issues, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Five: Depress to Impress

He went home once I was well enough to return to school. We didn't say goodbye to each other. I think that made it easier to return to school that Friday. I would've broken down if we had to say goodbye. I returned to school in a weird mood but put on a brave face. At least that's what I thought. We met for P.E. outside, and Hillary sat next to me, knocking shoulders playfully. I couldn't help but smile. "I thought we scared you off," Hillary smiled.

"No way... It was actually bad lunch meat," I replied. Hillary covered her mouth to keep from laughing at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you. You haven't had a home-cooked meal since you got emancipated, huh?" Hillary asked. I shrugged. I ate with Rex sometimes, but I don't think that qualified as dinner. She took my phone and put her number in.

"If you want me to take you out to dinner, just ask," I joked.

"I need you to shut up. I'm gonna teach you how to cook... So you don't kill yourself," Hillary laughed. I grinned. "Listen, Lucky, you realize I'm never gonna flirt back with you, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to figure out how to be your friend," I replied as I followed her around the track. Hillary gave me a smile so big I relaxed my shoulders. Finally, I said something right.

She brushed her knuckles across my chin. Hillary didn't say anything else to me for a long time, and I got nervous. I walked a few paces ahead of her and trotted backward. "Do you think I'm weird?" I asked.

"That's a weirdly self-conscious question to ask," Hillary teased. I held my hands behind my head.

"I'm out of town this weekend, but do you and your friends wanna hang out at my place next weekend? I've got a karaoke machine... Well, my manager's daughter left hers over my place, but it's basically mine," I suggested. Hillary took in a breath and held it for a second. It looked like she wanted to say no. "Right, no... Weird question."

I turned around and cursed under my breath. It was so embarrassing how far I was willing to stick out my neck to connect with Hillary. She was so cool to me. I couldn't help but feel like a dweeb when I was around her. "No, I-. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I have a pretty packed schedule for the next two weeks," Hillary reassured me. I put my headphones in and tried to recover from how stupid I made myself look.

She took one of my earbuds out and popped it in her ear. "Oof, I didn't expect you to listen-."

I shushed her. "Our little secret... What did you think I listened to?" I questioned.

"I don't know... Definitely not this, though. I thought you liked pop music," Hillary replied. I put on my sunglasses and rolled my eyes. "What?"

"I don't really care for pop like that... It's the sound that was picked for me," I replied, "And I stopped writing my stuff after they chopped and screwed my innermost feelings for a pop hit." I hated singing it on tour. I had to sing it because it was one of my biggest songs.

"What song?" Hillary asked. I chewed my lip. I said too much, but I was in a seriously bitter place. "You're not gonna tell me?"

"I already said too much. I'm in no place to complain. That song is the only reason why I have a singing career. Besides, I shouldn't dump on what people like. It's rude," I replied. Hillary's eyes widened.

"You don't like your own music?" Hillary asked.

"Not at all... But I don't get paid to like it," I replied before realizing I was parroting a producer who told me the same thing when that song was released.

I didn't want to talk anymore, but I couldn't shut down either, so I turned up the music and hoped she'd let the conversation die out. She did. When the bell rang, Hillary and I parted ways, and I spent the next hour taking notes in English at the library. I hadn't been to a public library before, but it was like the ones on tv. "Lucky, mind coming here a second?" Mr. Isaia whispered. I nodded and met him in the classic literature section. "I know you missed most of the week, so you can go check out your textbooks now if you haven't already." I thanked him and grabbed my backpack before heading to the librarian's desk. She scanned my schedule and gave me a stack of textbooks. I put two in my backpack and carried the other two.

I received a text from Rex, and I sat outside Oceanography, waiting for him to pick up the phone. "You're good to go right after school, right?" Rex asked.

"Hi, Rex. I'm fine, thanks. How are you?" I replied sarcastically. "And no... Can you give Roxy the spare key?"

"Yeah, sure. How do you feel about the interview? Got any off-limits topics?" Rex asked.

"If I say anything's off limits, it'll look like I'm hiding something," I replied, "And I know they're gonna wanna ask about the emancipation."

"Good," Rex replied before hanging up. I knew what he meant when he asked stuff like that. It was a trick question. No question is off-limits. My job was to be coy when someone asked something invasive or inappropriate. I'd been asked all sorts of things, but the questions this was my first interview since my emancipation. It bothered me that this was the first time my dad wouldn't be present to screen questions. He'd pulled me from interviews because of inappropriate questions. I shuddered at the thought.

School sped by, and Rex picked me up. He handed me a packet which I assumed were the pre-interview questions. I read through the first few, which were expected, but I stopped at a question worse than anything I could've anticipated. It hurt. "Rex, I know we talked, but this question is off-limits," I announced.

"No, kid. No question is off-limits. You're trying to re-invent yourself and show people that you deserve to be treated like an adult. This is how you do it," Rex replied.

"Did you look at any of these?" I asked.

"Uhhh... I skimmed a few of 'em," Rex lied.

"They asked me about my adoption. I thought-."

"It was off-limits when your dad had custody of you. You're an emancipated minor now," Rex replied, "Just make light of it."

"Make light of being asked questions like: Have you had any hot rendevous since you've been in Hawaii? Rex, that's weird. You're supposed-."

"Luck, look at me. Have I ever steered you wrong?" Rex interrupted. I didn't answer. I didn't even tell him what the worst question was. I don't think he would've cared.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There’s Nothing Missing In My Life…

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 4/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Exploitation, References to Depression, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner’s Parent, Childhood Trauma, Self-Confidence Issues, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Four: Visiting Hours

I awakened to a knock at the door at five a.m. and left the bathroom floor to answer it. I came face-to-face with my dad and had to stop myself from getting emotional. "Are you gonna stay a while?" I asked. He nodded. "Wanna stay here?"

I welcomed him inside, and he felt my forehead. "You've got a fever... Did I wake you up?" Dad questioned. I nodded and took the medication the doctors gave me with water. "You don't have a rash, do you? Did you know-."

"The doctor checked, Dad. I don't have a tropical illness," I whispered, "I ate turkey that'd been left out overnight."

It was comforting to have him around. I lay on the couch, and he draped a blanket over me. "Your apartment's nice... How do you like living by yourself?" Dad questioned. I was shocked that he asked. I'd been on my own for nearly three months, and he never once tried to talk to me about my living situation.

"I like it here... I should probably learn how to cook, though," I joked. My dad laughed and messed up my hair.

He went into the kitchen and started throwing stuff out for me. I would've argued with him, but I started feeling sick again, so I went back to the bathroom. When I came out, my dad was gone. I thought he'd left for home, but I saw his suitcase by my bedroom door. I smiled and lay down on the couch to take a nap. When I woke up, he was in the kitchen cutting up vegetables. "Dad? I shouldn't-. Dad?" I called him.

He stopped what he was doing and sat on the coffee table across from me. "What's wrong?" Dad asked.

"I didn't do this because I learned I was adopted," I confessed. Dad frowned and felt my forehead.

"Let's not talk about your emancipation... Let's talk about something else," Dad suggested. I frowned.

"It's a closed adoption... I can't find them-."

"I didn't want you to," Dad interrupted. He stood up and went back to the kitchen. We argued about it once before. I thought he'd tell me if I asked him nicely, but he was still as stubborn as he'd been four months ago.

"Why are you so stubborn? Why can't you tell me who they are?" I asked.

"Don't upset yourself," Dad muttered. I glanced at my phone and looked at all my missed text messages.

"Are they alive?" I asked.

"Stop," Dad warned.

"Do they have other kids? Or am I the only one?" I asked.

He slammed a pot down on the counter. "No more!" Dad yelled. I pulled the blanket over my head and tried to act like my blood wasn't boiling. I wanted to tear into him, but I knew if I did, he'd leave. "You're not mature enough to leave well enough alone, Conner. What makes you think you're ready to know who your biological parents are?"

That was it. I snapped. "You're just scared I'll love someone that's not you!" I screamed. "Why can't you answer a simple question without getting defensive? Why do you insist on being the only person in my world?"

"Because the world is dangerous, Conner! The world will chew you up and spit you out, and they won't apologize! You are naive, and you have no life experience-!"

"Because you made me this way!" I hollered. I wanted to be louder and angrier than he was. I wanted to hurt him. "You made sure I'd never grow up, and now that I'm taking care of myself, you can't stand it!"

"You're barely alive! You gave yourself food poisoning, Conner! And your new manager? He's a crook who isn't qualified to wipe his nose, let alone manage the career of a teen celebrity!" Dad yelled. "And you're so stubborn and childish you don't see how stupid this is! You're throwing a tantrum because I won't give you your way! That's what this whole emancipation thing is about! Do you see how trivial that is?"

I pulled the blanket over my head again and shut him out. "And now you're retreating like a child!" Dad continued.

"Shut up!" I yelled. He won. I hated that he felt the need to rub it in.

I put my headphones in and listened to music to calm down. I stayed like that until my dad finished making dinner. He crouched down in front of me and lifted the blanket just enough for me to see him. He asked me something, but I couldn't hear. I took out my headphones. "Do you think you can eat?" Dad asked. I nodded. Dad made a bowl of soup and sat with me, eating as if we hadn't argued. I could only eat a bit of soup before I started feeling nauseous, so I lay down and turned the tv on. "I sounded like my father... Conner, I shouldn't have done that to you. I can't tell you who your biological parents are... But if something changes, I'll let you know." He reached for my hair and hesitated, and I placed his hand on my forehead. His hands were always cold like a doctor's.

"Conner, when you were a little boy... Before you started acting and singing, you said you wanted to live with me forever... I've pushed you away, haven't I?" Dad asked.

I didn't know how to answer. "You can't protect me from everything, you know? I've gotta grow up. Don't you wanna see if you did an alright job teaching me right from wrong?" I asked. He nodded.

My feelings were hurt, but I didn't want to cause another argument and risk him leaving. "Conner... I-."

"You never yelled at me when I was a kid... Everything's so different now that I'm older," I whispered. Dad ran a hand over his head.

"Conner, I don't-. I can't-... I can't do this again. After this weekend, I need to let go," Dad whispered.

"What are you-."

"I have to let go because I'm not gonna be able to accept this otherwise. We should spend the rest of the year apart," Dad replied. He made an impossible suggestion. I couldn't argue with him because that'd be admitting I still needed him. I didn't say anything. I shut my eyes and pretended I was asleep. I couldn't make any sense of what I felt. The more freedom I had, the more I wanted to be a little kid again. I felt like he pulled the floor out from under me. I felt as if I was losing my dad.

My stomach didn't settle long, and I was back chained to the bathroom by nightfall. Dad knocked on the door, and I didn't answer. "I'm gonna go to the store and see if I can get you some Pedialyte," Dad announced.

I didn't want to talk to him. I especially didn't want to talk to him with my face in a toilet. He was gone less than twenty minutes before he knocked on the door a second time. "I'm going to leave it on the coffee table. Let me know if you need anything," Dad cracked the door to speak to me. I gave him a thumb's up.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

If There's Nothing Missing In My Life...

Fandom: DC Comics, Superfam

Summary: Newly-emancipated popstar and child actor, Conner (screen name: Lucky) navigates high school and stardom on his own.

Chapters: 2/?

Characters: Conner Kent, Lois Lane, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech, Lois Lane, Clark Kent, Hillary Chang

Additional Tags: Highschool AU, Celebrity AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Exploitation, References to Depression, Conner Kent Needs a Hug, Conner Luthor, Lex Luthor is Conner's Parent, Childhood Trauma, Self-Confidence Issues, Teen Angst, Angst, POV First Person, No Powers AU, Conner Kent-centric, Bisexual Conner Kent, POV Conner Kent, Protective Lex Luthor, Child Celebrity AU

Chapter Two: Feed The Tree

The big day came. My first day of school. I half-expected a call from my dad, but no one called. I took a handful of pictures and sent them to Rex for him to approve one for Instagram. I played music while I messed with my hair. I felt weird. I was weird. I knew people would stare at me and ask about my work, but I desperately wanted to fit in. I got a text, and my phone dinged. I hoped it was my dad, but I knew it was only Roxy. The text was pleasant, at least. It read: too cute. Missing something... Electric pink button-up, maybe?.

I tried it on and looked in the mirror, and whispered a soft, "Hmph. She was right." Roxy could be a genius sometimes. I sent her a few pictures of the outfit as she pictured it, and she sent me a bunch of exclamation points and the pictures she wanted me to post. I did as I was told, grabbed my backpack and lunch, and headed to school. It was a short walk from my building, and the weather wasn't bad. Besides, I needed to clear my head.

The school was so close to the ocean I could feel the mist on my face as I walked. The campus was huge and looked nothing like the pictures I saw online. I hadn't even gotten to the front gate before the kids started staring at me. I put on my bravest face and pushed forward. I walked through the front gate, and a girl waved me over to her friend group, and I ran a hand through my hair and grinned. "Hey," I smiled.

"Are you going here? Like for real?" she asked. Her friends giggled and whispered to each other, and I nodded.

"Yeah, actually, can I ask you guys a question? If I wanted to find the main gym?" I asked. One of the taller girls in the group took me by my wrist and led me to the big building on my right. I picked up my schedule from one of the front tables. They even put my stage name on it, as I asked. It was weird for me, though, because no one knew my birth name except my dad, so odds were I'd never hear my own name unless I said it to myself.

I had P.E. for my first period, so I sat on the bleachers and popped in headphones. Someone sat uncomfortably close to me and took a picture, and I threw up a peace sign. People tended to do that to me a lot, so I tried to look as happy as possible at all times. I was so scared of disappointing people, but I can't lie and say I got used to the anxiety that comes with being approached by people that don't know me. My dad did a great job of protecting me from the weirdness of it all as best he could. Still, I experienced some pretty scary stuff that stuck with me.

The worst was when I was twelve, and a fan tried to pull me away from my dad on the street. I was so shaken up that I almost quit acting. When people ambushed me, I'd feel like that all over again. I felt drained afterward, but I tried to make the best of it. I figured it'd stop once kids got used to me being on campus. The bell rang, and they told all the P.E. kids to meet on the football field. I followed them out and put my sunglasses on. A kid came up to me and waved. "Sorry, I don't know if you feel like talking. You looked lonely," she whispered.

"Me? Pfft, no!" I laughed it off. She shook her head and laughed.

"I'm Hillary," she introduced herself. I shook her hand. "And you must be the illustrious Lucky... How're things going for you so far?"

"It's going alright. The weather's a lot nicer here, and the people are friendly enough," I replied, "Why?"

Hillary shrugged. "Thought it'd be nice to ask. I did the exchange program a year ago, and no one ever asked if I liked it there," Hillary paused, "I remember being homesick... And cold."

"Where'd you go?" I asked.

"Poland. I did a semester there in the winter," Hillary replied. She was so laid back that I think it made me want to impress her. I took off my sunglasses and looked her in the eye, waiting for her to elaborate. "Ever been to public school before?"

I shook my head. "There are a lot more people at school than on tv... And I haven't seen any lockers since I've been here," I replied. Hillary laughed. I rubbed the back of my neck and stopped talking.

"Swear I'm not laughing at you... It's just-. That's what I said during my first year of high school. So, I get it," Hillary reassured, "And you'll like it here. Especially once you make a few friends."

"Like you?" I half-smiled.

"Don't know yet. Let me get a feel for you first," Hillary replied.

"I've got no problem with that," I joked, and she flicked me on the forehead. I thought I blew it, but she laughed.

"Dumb joke, but I walked right into it... Club week is at the end of the month. Try getting involved in something," Hillary suggested, "Like, I dunno. Theater or music appreciation-."

"Hard pass. I wanted to go to high school to try something new, not do the same thing I've done my whole life," I replied, "And acting and singing is work. I wanna have fun."

"So, do you have anything in mind?" Hillary asked. "Sports, maybe?"

"Yeah, maybe... I'll try cross country or tennis, or I'll wait for baseball next semester," I replied, "Got any recommendations?"

"Creative dance. Cool group of people and they're super accepting," Hillary replied.

"Accepting? Is this about my sexuality?" I asked, feigning offense. She covered her mouth. "I'm joking. I'm joking. I know what you mean." Hillary smiled and punched me in the shoulder.

"Oh yeah... You'll fit right in," Hillary smirked, "Oh, and you should invest in an umbrella. It's gonna start raining again next month."

I wasn't sure if she was joking, but she walked away before I could ask. Two guys came up to me, arguing amongst themselves before finally turning to speak to me. "Can you settle this? He doesn't believe you did that backflip for real," the shorter kid explained.

"Come on, man. You know he can't do that," the other guy replied.

I raised an eyebrow. "You know? From the Crop Top music video?" the short kid described.

"It was supposed to be a backflip, but I couldn't do it consistently, and my dad worried I'd get hurt, so it was a back handspring," I corrected him. I stood up and stepped onto the field where some of the other kids hung out, and I did a backflip. My heart beat so fast I could hear it in my ears because I wasn't sure I'd land it. I don't think they could tell, though. The short kid ran onto the field and gave me a high five before flipping his friend off and collecting ten bucks.

After they walked off, I sat on the turf and caught my breath. The second bell rang, and all the kids on the field lay down, so I followed suit. I turned and whispered, "What are we doing?"

"School tradition. We cloud-watch and chill out for the first ten minutes of class if it's not raining," one of the girls nearby whispered back. "Afterward, we'll line up and get our P.E. lockers assigned. Then we can go back to chilling out for the next week."

I was off to a smooth start. I felt like I'd hit the jackpot for public high schools, but I still had the whole day left. There was still time for everything to go horribly wrong.