#itll be fun doesnt matter if i will have to supress screaming and crying over feeling a seatbelt to drive anywhere
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i actually dont know how im supposed to do tomorrow if i cant even do tonight :(
#.txt#i dont think i realized how bad my body was hurting either god#going to work sounds dreadful. going anywhere after sounds worse#and for a band i fucking love and i might not even be able to enjoy it#i want to go to all these things especially to see friends and i cant even just.#fucking get up#the thought of hearing fucking gravel crunching in a parking lot if i go anywhere makes me wanna lose it let alone anything else#and thats stupid. this is all so fucking stupid#a world where i wasnt autistic and overwhelmed and in pain and being attacked by my own brain -> 🌈#i already stopped my guitar streak that i was so happy about bc everything feels too much#whatever. whatever whatever whatever#i will get over it and drop the self pity eventually#god. i cant even feel fucking normal about NOT doing stuff#no winners here#either go out and feel bad or stay home and feel bad about feeling bad#and i cant logic myself out of it bc my brain is unable to bc of stupid fucking autism#itll be fun doesnt matter if i will have to supress screaming and crying over feeling a seatbelt to drive anywhere#anyone else feeling autistic and fucking upset about how much it makes everything harder? anyone else?
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