#ithe biggest difference between what we know and what the other characters know is mag 81

[buildoblivionthenwewilltalk]

I've been thinking a lot about mag 81 recently. Specifically, I've been wondering how much we as the audience knowing about "a guest for mr spider" colours our perspective of Jon as a person throughout the rest of tma.

Because I have chronic "must like the protagonist" syndrome, I've always personally had a soft spot for Jon even before we see a more vulnerable side of him in s3. But I can't deny that hearing his tragic backstory was a game-changer in how much I really empathized and understood him for the rest of the show.

There's that post on here somewhere about how hearing about his childhood, finding out he was an orphan, raised by a distant but dutiful at best, neglectful and bitter at worst grandmother, and then went through truly supernatural levels of trauma and guilt on top of that doesn't necessarily excuse his more dickish tendencies in s1 and 2, but it sure does help us understand him. The number of times I relisten to that ep and go "oh that's why you are the way that you are", and then go back further to s1 and s2 with episodes like mag 4 ("Page Turner") and mag 16 ("Arachnophobia") and go like "... ooooohhhhh I am very very sad".

Like we know from s1 that Jon's scepticism is a coping mechanism. We know that he cares about his assistants and does all sorts of human things like stuttering when he's scared and forming attachments to cool goth kids who also hate Leitners. But mag 81 adds a whole new level to that. "A guest for mr spider" really does peel back the tape to see a whole person who has been very very afraid and very very alone for a long time. Add on top of that the fact we meet Georgie and get to hear what a "weird ex-boyfriend who stress cleans and loves cats" Jon sounds like, the episode is perfect.

But we're the only ones who get to hear all that. Jon never brings up "mr spider" to anyone else and the only other character who brings it up is fucking Jonah when he gloats about how the web marked Jon for him as he forces him to end the world.

No one else knows! They don't get to see like us how Jon has been tied up in this before he lost all his baby teeth. They don't get to see how he's been carrying the guilt for the death of a bully more than twice his age and has been so very scared that one day whatever got him might come back and finish the job.

And then I think about s3 and s4, where pretty much all of Jon's allies either start to or double down on hating him, blaming him for the way their lives have all gone to shit and berating him for not making the right choices. When we know that the "choice" that set Jon down this path was opening a children's picture book.

I don't know. I just wonder how different our view of Jon might be if we didn't know how far back this all went. If we'd just heard him talk with Georgie, and skipped straight on to Elias sending the statements and let the story go from there? Sure we'd see the tragic hot mess that Jon was in s3 onwards as he desperately tries to do right by everyone else, but would we really appreciate how little agency Jon really had? What if Jon's backstory hadn't been revealed till late series four, or five even when other characters get a broad sense that the web had "marked" Jon for something but little more than that?

I know half of what makes tma so great is this handling of perspective, and that long "Chekov's gun" about mr spider finally being let off in s5 is what makes the end reveal about hilltop road etc. so impactful. Would the ending be so tragic if we didn't have all this time with the knowledge that Jon's first mark was the spider? But I think about how from pretty much the whole rest of the cast's perspective that's how it goes.  They have no idea how far these webs are actually tied around Jon, let alone how much his life really was tragic even before he stepped foot in the magnus institute.

And yet I can't imagine Jon ever telling any of them (except perhaps Martin maybe? Idk I always imagined Jon told him in the safehouse but that's just me). Why would he reveal it? When?  He’s not an open, sharing person like that, and he doesn't really understand the nature of his upbringing and the true gravity of what happened to him until it's far too late.

And in a story about knowledge, the consequences of seeking it and the tragedy of withholding it, I wonder how different it might have been if perhaps that tape went astray, or maybe one night there was just a little too much wine and it all came spilling out.

I don't think it would have "fixed" anything, but maybe it might have taken longer before Jon was cursed as a "monster", maybe Jon would not be so quick to believe it? Maybe he might have had a few more allies before it all came crashing down.