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words-for-holland · 4 years

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Distractions

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom and Y/N decide to work in the same room together. The problem...both of them get easily distracted and a whole lotta fluff comes with it.

A/N: Whoa its been awhile but here we are again! Thank you for 1,000+ followers it means the world! Surprises to come 😉

“Hello beautiful.” Tom greets Y/N with a cheeky smile on his face. He quickly pecks her soft cheek as he places his laptop across from his lovely girlfriend, who was currently focused on her work.

She takes a second to look up, returning his smile with a soft one. “Hey, good looking. What’s up?”

“Nothing really. Is it okay if I work here with you? I just want to be close to my girl.”Tom pouts.

Y/N’s heart could burst at the sight and reason he gave. An inaudible “aw” prolonging through her mind...until she quickly realized that there could be some complications with this as a slight frown starts to replace her dimpled smile. “Wait...are you sure?”, she asks. “Dont you have press interviews that require absolute silence? I doubt any of you will want to hear the constant typing in the background.”

“Yeah, your typing is horrendous with those lead heavy fingertips of yours.” Tom teases.

“Well these lead heavy fingertips aren’t leaving anytime soon, so youre probably better off working elsewhere.” She suggests, pointing off to the distance. Tom groans at the idea, using his one hand to put her finger down. He engulfs hers with his, lacing her fingers and holding on tightly.

“Noooo. Dont wanna be anywhere else. Please darling? ” He pouts once more.

She giggles at his plea, rolling her eyes. “Course you can, bubz.” Tom excitedly scoots his chair in as he rubs his hands together to prep for the work to come.

And work they did...for at least 10 minutes. Tom was getting antsy as he read through his next script. Occasionally his eyes would roll to the left, and observe Y/N as she continued to read through an article on her screen. Not that Tom didnt find his own work fun but he always found watching Y/N do her thing just a bit more interesting.

He hadn’t realized himself, but his body start to shift and lean more towards her. His arm extending to wrap her in, as it glided up and down in a steady motion. His thumb doodling hearts on her shoulder. Tom could tell it had an effect on Y/N, discreetly smirking to himself as he heard her audible shakey sigh.

He wanted to see what else could make her sigh like that, so instead of his thumb he used pointer and middle finger, running them up and down her shoulder. Tom could see the smile creeping on Y/N’s face and her little head shake. She knew what he was up to and yet, Y/N still wanted him to think that he was not gonna get her that easily. But God was it hard. Every touch felt like tiny fireworks against her skin, goosebumps forming all over her body with every touch. She to stay strong. No distractions.

Tom eyes perked up, at the action. He must go further, he thinks. Tom starts to trace his nose from her shoulder to her neck, leaving kisses at her jawline. “C’mon darling. Think its time for a break.”, he whispers in her ear.

She turns her head towards him as she smiles, leaving a quick kiss on Tom’s lips. “Its only been ten minutes.” She laughs. “Five if you want to count the distractions.”

He backs up, pretending to look appalled. “How dare you. I’ve been a good lad focusing on my script for the whole ten minutes.”

A playful glare formed on Y/N’s soft face which ultimately ended her up with a fit of giggles. She couldnt take him seriously, but then again she never did with anything. Tom has always said if they were kidnapped by a pair of robbers, her first reaction would be to laugh. As the laughter died down, Y/N paid her attention back to the screen which had been inactive during the playful banter and continued to type out those set of documents that she had been meaning to get to.

Tom on the other hand was still reading through his script, taking mental notes on how he was going to approach his character. This time he was completely engrossed in his work. His eyes moving left to right with every line he took in. Until...he felt something ticking his lower calves. Tom knew it was Y/N’s foot, by the way it brushed just as he had done with his hand on her shoulder. The movements never stopped, her legs now curling around his own. Y/N was trying to getting back at him, but one thing she always forgot was that Tom always wins.

Naturally he had to the same, and what once became a playful game of footsie, now ended up with Tom shifting Y/N to sit on his lap. Her legs now wrapped around his waist and his hands holding onto her hips. Both of them connecting their soft lips, feeling every spark and essence of love. He looked up at Y/N with admiration, thinking how lucky he is to have her in his life. Yeah Covid sucked for the most part and limited their ability to even do anything exciting outside, but it gave them the opportunity to be with each other far more than they could have on a normal day. On a normal day, Tom would be jumping around country to country while Y/N would be home miles and miles away from him. Course, nothings changed with jumping from country to country, but Tom gets to bring Y/N with him now and thats all that mattered to them.

But work never stopped them from keeping busy. Just as their kisses were getting more heated, and their hands tangling each others hair both their alarms went off. The couple stopped their antics as they leaned their heads back, groaning in synchronization.

“Ughh. Thats my cue. I have to prep for an interview.” He mumbles as he nuzzles into Y/N’s neck.

“I know. I have to get ready for another business meeting. Whoo.” she speaks in a sarcastic manner, dropping her head.

“What time?” He asked pressing a kiss to the shell of her ear.

“Mm...3. Why?”

Tom plays with the strands of her soft hair. “Was wondering if you’ll stay with me through mine and Ill stay with you through yours.”

“As much fun as that would be. I dont think were allowed to —“

“Im not saying we have to be on camera for each others meeting. But if one of us will be off camera itll be all right.” He plans, still looking at his girl with pleading eyes. Y/N’s mouth twitches to the left, her eyes furrowed with suspicion.

“You’re doing it again.” Tom states, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

“Doing what?”

“You’re making that face again.”

Her expression quickly changes to confusion, not entirely sure of what Tom was noticing that she didnt about her own face. “What face?”, she asks.

“The one where you twitch your lips and make your eyes look angry. You only do it when youre indecisive about something. Its bloody adorable.”

Y/N snorts at his comment, and tries to get off to give him time to prepare, only to be stopped by his hands pushing her back down on his lap.

“I was serious about wanting to stay with my girl the whole day while doing work. Please?” He pleads again, this time bringing out the puppy face. “I’ll be good and do the dishes tonight.”

To be fair, Y/N knew she was always gonna say yes to Tom. Its pretty hard to deny her dorky boyfriend when hes asking so sweetly and just wants to spend the day together. More so, if the roles were switched, she would have done the same thing. “Go get changed movie star, before youre late for your interview.” She murmurs to him, kissing his cheek before she scrambles of his lap to sit across from him.

Tom whoops with victory as he runs out the room quickly changing into his shirt, fixing his hair, and adding glasses for that sophisticated touch. Sure he wanted to look his best for the Cherry Press, but he made sure his outfit was something Y/N would very much adore as well.

“How do I look?” Tom asked coming out of their shared bedroom.

Y/N looks up from her computer, and smiles widely. “Handsome as always.” She couldnt take her eyes off of him, admiring every detail of the clothing and how it perfectly complimented Tom’s feature. She eyed him from top to bottom, until she noticed something. “Uhh..honey....you’re not wearing any pants.” She asked a bit confused. Her eyes engrossed in the muscles of his thighs and the fit of his Calvin Klein boxers.

Tom smirks at her. “Its uncomfortable wearing pants. Besides no one will see...except you.” He teases, gently lifting her head up so that her eyes meets his. “Eyes up here love.”

“Youre something else.” She laughs, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. “Well...least we know who wears the pants in the relationship.”

Tom laughs loudly at her comment. He hooks the waistband of Y/N’s sweatpants and snaps them back to further prove her point. “That was a good one. Ill give you that.” Tom and Y/N high five each other, and then it was press time.

Y/N kept quiet and tried her best to minimize the typing unless it was really needed. Seeing Tom talk about his work and dedication was something that she had always admired about him. He loved his job and everyone can see that. Occasionally they’d steal glances from each other, smiling and holding each others hand under table so that no one could see. But it was just one of those moments that Tom and Y/N couldnt help themselves too. Two hours passed and Tom was free.

“You did so well.” Y/N praised Tom and awarded him with a quick kiss. “I love it when you talk about your passion.”

“Thanks. I love that you were there with me to sit through it all.” He smiles. “I believe its your turn now. It’s almost 3.”

Y/N frowns, knowing shed have to dread through hers. Instead of getting to talk about her passions, itd all be about business, business, business. “Ugh. Do I have to?”she groans.

“Come on now. Dont be like that, you’re gonna be fine. Ill be here with you the whole time.” Tom reassures her with kisses all over her face.

“No distractions?” She asks.

“No distractions.”

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

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larrivex · 3 years

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Homie u KNO I gotta ask u for the larrivex for those hcs

where they first met and how

i have no reasoning for this but i feel ghastly (with help from hopeless) first recruited larrikin who was STARSTRUCK but very good at hiding it. probably just in some random tent in the middle of ireland a few weeks after ravel was captured

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

OH MY GOD SOOOO LONG....... ok they met in 1850 they got together 40 YEARS LATER THEYRE IDIOTS. they both caught feelins pretty quick but larrikin dismissed his (he gets fleeting crushes often) and dexter did a terrible job of hiding his

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

hm.... i mean lbr larrikin saw him shirtless the first time and that cemented it in his mind they had to at least sleep together. then they had their longass song and dance through the centuries. i think larrikin fell for dex furst but def denied it for longer

where their first date was and what it was like

uh canon they. well they were a bit busy i dont think theyd have one? though tanith and saracen seem to count "lying amongst the carnage of battle" a date so i guess they did that a lot. larrikin lives au though it was probably some small beach along the countryside. they had a fun mountainclimb too! :D

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

I HAVE A FIC FOR THIS. NO SPOILERS (ok small spoiler: 1890s ball)

who proposes first

they dont, really? they dont need it. i like the idea of them having matching tattoos tho (not just bc i want dex to have tattoo. ok mostly bc of that)

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

they TRIED. but theyre too fucking giddy and more than a bit handsy and literally everyone knew as soon as they got back

if they adopt any pets together

i think if they ever settled down (unlikely, neither are homebirds) they may get a cat. or multiple cats. and some dogs. they both like animals :D

who’s more dominant

they switch :)

where their first kiss was and what it was like

THIS ONE IS IN THE FIC NO SPOILERS (BALLROOM DANCING)

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? )

OH MY GOD DO THEY...... they have sooooo fucking many. gag gifts from the dead men,actual sentimental things, little trinkets from souvenir shops

how into pda they are

oooh, depends. theyre not the handholdy sort but theyll sit closer together when theyre in a group, dance every opportunity, and random kisses when they feel safe

who holds the umbrella when it rains

thats assuming they even own an umbrella?? poor adepts are too used to having elemental friends

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

anywhere and everywhere outside. beaches, mountains, forests... long walks in the middle of nowhere without stressing over being attacked at any moment are their favourite

who’s more protective

dexter. he watched larrikin almost die once, and its NOT happening again

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

sharing a bed? pretty soon after they met (it gets cold in ireland at night!!! it was DEFINITELY just for warmth). tbh itd be pretty bad form to fuck when ur friends are light sleepers in the tent next to you idk maybe they got creative

if they argue about anything

after a few centuries you get most of the real arguments out of the way,but they probably have random spats about trivial shit randomly

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

anywhere people wouldnt normally see is free game. dex is probably more into it though

who steals whose clothes and how often

dexter would rip larrikins clothes idc how built lar is dexter is 6'2 and larrikin is 5'9 MAX. larrikin will appropriate dexters old tshirts into sleepwear most of the time

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

both of them in the weirdest position possible and taking up the most space, yet somehow still holding on go each other :3

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

physical? just lying in bed together. just in general? again, adventuring or going on some hike, or just hanging out with friends

how long they stay mad at each other

the longest was almost a decade (they can both be stubborn) but usually no longer than a week

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

black, but they both like to add sugar. theyre just used to going without

if they ever have any children together

definitely not

if they have any special pet names for each other

their favourite game is coming up with the dumbest terms of endearment. i think they would be overjoyed at "my beloved" becoming a popular phrase

if they ever split up and / or get back together

never officially, but theyve definitely had time apart

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

somehow a mix of military neatness and frat house

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

considering it was the middle of a war, just chilling around a campfire with the rest of the dead men. they took care to place their tent much further away than usual ;)

what their names are in each other’s phones

in line with their petname game, they change pretty often. sonetimes the others will steal their phones to make them normal, after some badguy or another saw dexter hang up a call from "beloved wife" (changed by saracen actually, from something a LOT dirtier) and suddenly rumours were spreading of dexter vex having a secret mortal wife

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? )

adventuring!! all the time. but they have special places to go on their "birthdays"

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

larrikin for both. hes a light sleeper but god can he just drop on the spot

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

they swap!!!!

who hogs the bathroom

...am i allowed to say they uh. both do ;)

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

either. but dexter prefers to put them outside and larrikibs is taking after him

#ur insane for thisssss IT TAKES ME SO LONG TO WRITE THESE. ily though it firces me to think abt them indepth more #vexasks #train whistles at night #skulduggery pleasant #dexter vex #larrikin #larrivex #laxter #long post #scheduling this for. Not 4am

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1000roughdrafts · 5 years

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When Reality Starts to Falter - Part 6

Series Summary: you get called by your ex, Jared, to work a few scenes on the set of Supernatural as a hunter that takes a liking to Dean. The producers love the chemistry between you and Jensen, so they decide to give you a full time gig. Feelings for Jared come back in a flush, but over time as your character falls for Dean you find yourself falling for Jensen.

Pairings: Ex!Jared X actress!Reader, Dean Winchester X hunter!reader (and single!Jensen X actress!reader in the future)

Warnings: angst in the beginning, kiss in the middle, fluff at the end

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: oof, this one got a lot juicier than I imagined itd be. I had a lot of fun writing it though, and I hope you have as much fun reading it. All of your comments have kept me really excited about this! Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on it, it really helps. You are amazing. <3

Master list

Part five

••••••

Creeping out of the motel room, you shiver slightly as a breeze slips by, kissing your skin on it’s way through. With only the light of a flickering street lamp, you see Dean resting guardedly against the breast of Impala. Propping himself up with a hand on Baby’s side and the other hand holding his head up.

You take sloth-like steps across the motel parking lot and find yourself in front of him. You bring your hand up to touch his cheek, but as it starts to quiver you drop it back down. “Dean,” you whisper softly. He drops his hand, revealing the black, purple and blue that has formed under his eye and on his cheeks. You bite your lip to hold back a gasp. His eyes look into yours. The swirl of green dripping lightly like rain drops slipping off of leaves of a birch tree. “Are you okay, Dean?”

He slowly shakes his head, cringing as the pain runs through him again. “Bell,” he croaks. Looking past your shoulder at the door of the motel, he drops his train of thought, “where’s Sam?”

“He’s sleeping,” you say delicately. “What are you still doing out here?” you fold your arms across your chest, trying to huddle in the warmth of your jacket as another breeze rushes by.

Dean doesn’t even flinch. He offers only a shrug, “couldn’t sleep.”

You take a step towards him, leaning your back against the Impala and resting a hand on his thigh, “you wanna talk about it?”

Again, he shakes his head, “not really.” He glances over at you through the side of his eye, letting out a long, painful sigh.

“Dean, you saw things back there, didn’t you? I know what Djinn do, they - they give you what you truly want, but you’re... struggling with it, aren’t you? Why?”

He looks into your eyes, his own wide and holding a secret. He knows he can’t wiggle out of this with a lie, so he’ll try to avoid it. “I don’t want to get into it,” he sighs, waving his hand.

Moving from the Impala to stand in front of him, you bring your hand back up to his face, resting it palm down on his cheek. As you cup your hand around his face he leans into it, closing his eyes tightly.

You take another small step towards him, not quite chest to chest with him, but close enough to whisper softly and audibly. “Dean,” you hum, rubbing your thumb tenderly on top of his cheek. A tear meets with your hand, catching you by surprise. “Please talk to me,” you say quietly.

He opens his eyes and tilts his head back up to face you. Pulling your hand down slowly, you let it ride down his shoulder and chest before bringing it back to your side. His eyes vacillating between yours, he heaves a thick breath. “Sam says you’ve been having premonition type dreams,” he says. “A vision, too.”

You glance down at your feet, “I have.”

“How long?” he pants, eyes frowning slightly at you, “how long have you been having them?”

Looking back up at his swollen eyes, you babble out a gust of air, dropping your hands to your sides and glancing around the parking lot. “I don’t know,” you sigh, peeking up at him. “Couple weeks, I guess.”

“A couple week?” He whines, licking his lips and scanning the lot. Pushing himself off of the car to stand up straight he holds out his arms, “why didn’t you tell me, Bell? I thought we talked about this - you said you could tell me anything.”

“I did say that, Dean and I-” your brain switches gears and you’re brought back in time to a conversation between you and Jensen after your break up with Jared. A conversation that mirrors this one nearly perfectly, and out flows all of the things you wish you’d said then.

“I - I was scared, okay? I was terrified that if I told you the truth, you’d run from me. I was afraid that if I told you about the ch-” you stop.

The directors are surprisingly lenient about some improv here and there, but if you finished that word you’d have taken it further than far, and the scene would have to be run through again. You’d already been through this part of the scene a few times, leaving you eager for the kiss and to sleep in a bed for the first time in a week.

His eyes widen and you drop yours back onto your feet. “I meant it when I said I would always be there for you, Bell. ‘Always’ was a promise and I intend on keepin’ it,” he says sternly.

“You said the same thing, Dean, about - about telling me anything. You said you would tell me what’s going on with you, even when it was difficult. That’s another promise you made, do you intend on keeping that one?” You place a hand on his chest, “please let me in. Let me be here for you, too,” you plead.

“You really want to know what I saw?” He says, squinting his eyes. You nod as he takes a few steps away from you, turning his back.

He remains silent, lost in a deep thought for just a moment before he turns back around to face you, “the world I was put into is one I never thought I would have chosen. I guess I did though, ‘cause they go after our true desires, right?” He says, mostly to himself and focusing on the ground to his side. He offers a tired chuckle, “I just don’t know what to do with this.”

“With what?” you murmur, taking small steps towards him.

“Well, to be honest with you, Bell, I never really thought of you as more than another hunter. Just someone we added to our little group of misfits.”

You scoff, “thanks, Dean,” you say under your breath.

“Just,” he holds a palm up at you, cocking his head to the side and shooting daggers from his eyes, “just let me finish. In that dream, I got to see you smile, your real smile, Bell. I got to see you laugh, and - and enjoy things we don’t get to in this life, like - like going out for ice cream and eatin’ it in the park, or - or havin’ a barbecue in the back yard. I watched you laugh so hard you had tears runnin’ down your cheeks,” he chuckles. “I didn’t want it to end,” he whispers quietly to himself.

“But uh, it had to,” he shrugs, “otherwise I guess I wouldn’t be here to tell you any of this.” His eyes pop back onto yours, “you were happy, Bell. I mean, you were genuinely happy in ways I’ve never seen from you before,” he shakes his head.

Standing just in front of him now, you remain quiet as he speaks, keeping your hand balled up against your chest, “and I got no problem with any of that. I do want that for you.” He scoffs lightly, “I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes, but in that world - that dream, it was me that made you laugh. I was the one making you smile. We were happy together, but it wasn’t - it wasn’t real. None of it was real.” He bows his head forward, “and - and know that in this life - this god forsaken world - there’s no way I could make you that happy. That’s just not real.”

Going against your anxieties, you tenderly grip onto his cheeks again - this time with both hands and careful not to agitate the bruising as you pull his head up to face you. With your heart throbbing in your chest, you bring your lips to his forehead, kissing it gently. “We can make it real, Dean,” you gracefully whisper against his skin before pulling away.

He shakes his head. “No,” he says, “it’s too dange-”

You don’t give him time to finish his thoughts, and slam your mouth against his, pulling him into an abysmal kiss. He shuffles back a few steps in response to your weight against him, keeping his lips frozen as the realization of what has happened hits him.

When he wraps his hands around your back, a sensation stirs in your stomach and gradually coasts down further and tickles your spine. Placing your hands around the back of his neck, a whimper falls from his lips as the kiss intensifies. His hands soar to the small of your back in a hurried pursuit to pull you closer.

Your faces move quickly around each other to accommodate for the rapid movements of your lips. He shuffles closer to you, one foot on either side of your legs, leaning you back slightly but keeping a firm grip on your back. You run your hands up his sides and rest them against his shoulder blades while pushing yourself into him to keep your balance.

He twirls around with you. A grunt of avidity drips from your lips as he slams you against the Impala without removing his lips from yours. Running your hands down your arms and racing them back into your hair, you break from the kiss and lean your head against the car to catch your breath.

Taking advantage of your position, his kisses whisk down the side of your face and onto your neck. Another needy moan breaks from you. Your hand pounces onto the top of his head, gripping onto his hair as he takes his time on your neck - kissing softly in some places, and biting down on others. The need to feel his lips on yours surges through you once again. Keeping your hand in his hair, you jerk your head up, pulling his lips onto yours and stumbling forward with the momentum.

His leg wedges between yours as he pushes into you dotingly. You know a motel parking lot isn’t the place to let the moaning of this volume spring from your mouth, but you almost can’t help it. Forcing his tongue against the inside of your lips, you moan into his mouth as they open wider, allowing him to lick inside of your mouth. You break your tongue through to caress his and let them dance in a fight for dominance, relishing the vibration of his moan against your lips.

You lurch your hips forward, eliciting a cry of pleasure from him. Running your hands up and down his back, it doesn’t seem like you’re in control of your body anymore as the kiss rouses a heat in the pit of your stomach. You feel a slow drip in your underwear, causing your knees to slightly buckle.

He belts out another unscripted moan. You know music will be playing over this part of the scene once the editors get a hold of it, but you pay that no mind and continue to enjoy the rattling of his tongue as he lets out another grunt. Your hands grip tightly onto his waist with an urgent need to bring him into you. Wrapping your fingers through the loops of his pants you tug him towards you, desperately trying to make close closer.

He whimpers out a cushioned, blissful moan as you gently bite down on his lip. You take your time to suck on the sweetness of his tender skin. He crashes into you once more, forcing you to release your grip on his mouth as you throw your head back in euphoria. His lips gravitate back onto your neck, just behind your ear as his hand trails up your shirt.

A small voice in the back of your head calls out. Something doesn’t seem right. You hear a person off in the distance clearing their throat before speaking out loudly, “all right kids. Cut it out,” the director says through laughter.

Jensen keeps his lips against your neck, bringing them up to your ear to suck on your earlobe. He’s either pretending he can’t hear them, or is so engulfed in the scene - in you - that he really can’t. You hop on board with pretending not to hear the directors and close your eyes. His hand lands on top of your breast, squeezing gently. Staccato breaths leave your lips as his coast onto your cheeks.

He pulls away to watch your face with covetous eyes while you writhe under him to his fingers as they gently twist on your hardened nipple. You look up at him lasciviously as his eyes slit, and he slows his movements on your breast.

You switch your legs so that your knee rests between his and push into him softly, feeling the tense, swell of his jeans. The pressure on his already pulsating member sends his face into your neck kissing you feverishly. You grip onto his cheeks and move your face towards him in a greedy yearning to have his lips on yours again.

He finally surrenders his mouth to you, leaving you in control. You tighten your hands around his waist before moving them up his back, pulling him closer and pushing against him harder, rougher. This time, he pushes back, pushing you deeper against the car. The cold exterior of the Impala is easily ignored as the heat floods through your body.

Your hands fall back onto his waist, riding up the front of his shirt. They linger on his chest as the kissing escalates into a passion that no longer only lies between Bell and Dean, but now as an unspoken attraction between you and Jensen. Only slowing for breaths when it’s absolutely necessary, you use those moments to creep your hands up his chest and wrap them around his neck.

You can’t get enough of each other which is not only apparent to you, but to the rest of the crew on set for the day. An agitated voice is heard in the distance, “seriously guys, wrap it up. We want to go home.”

Jensen stills his lips against yours, catching his breath before pulling away completely. When he does, a shot of electricity pulses through you. You slowly unwrap your hands from his neck, blushing softly as he turns to face the crew.

“Oh, you sure you don’t want to do another take? I’m not sure we got it right that time,” Jensen jokes, grinning smugly at the directors as walks towards them, being sure to throw a wink your way.

The directors push out faux laughter, provoking giggles from you as you walk towards Misha.

“They called cut like six time you crazy love birds,” Misha jokes with a bright smile, causing the heat to rush to your cheeks again.

****

Jensen flashes a smile at you as he unlocks the door and holds it open. You bow down in a small curtsy with a giggle before walking in.

“You hungry?” he asks. “I have leftovers from dinner last night. Parmesan salmon and Caesar salad if you’re interested.”

Smiling, you wave a hand, “no. Thank you for offering. I’m not really hungry, just tired.”

“Right,” he says, skipping in front of you and leading you down the hallway. He opens the first door, allowing you to walk in. “It’s not much, but it’s probably a lot better than your car,” he laughs.

“No it’s-” you glance around the room covered in what looks like fan-art, drawn and painted pictures of the cast, sculptures and so much more. “It’s perfect.”

He steps into the room, “I keep everything that gets sent to me. It’s so neat to me how close this family has grown. I wouldn’t be where I am without these people,” he says, gesturing to the art that hangs from the walls and around the room.

“That’s beautiful,” you breathe, stepping towards him and bringing your lips to his cheek, kissing softly. His eyes shut as your lips fall onto his skin and open when you pull away. “Thank you Jensen for - well,” you chuckle, “for everything.”

He smiles humbly, “it’s nothing, Y/N, really.” He takes a deep breath, “uh, do you maybe want to talk about what happened back there?”

“I think that kiss speaks for itself, don’t you?” You laugh.

“Well, yeah,” he blushes, looking down at his feet before bringing his eyes back onto yours, “I meant the improv parts. I was curious about where you were heading with that.”

“Oh, that...” you sigh. “Look, if I tell you this you’re going to be mad, and that might ruin things on set.I don’t want you to be in the middle of this drama.”

“What on Earth could you have done to make me mad?”

“Oh,” you say with a hand on his arm, “not at me,” you breathe deeply, closing your eyes, “Jared.”

Part Seven

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imrobert-clarington · 6 years

Text

Bonding||Self-Para

It had been a long night for the Anderson-Clarington family. After a few hours of coaxing, Robbie had managed to tuck Cooper under his chin and carry him out of his office. He had texted Blaine to meet them at the house, thankful that the younger Anderson had taken it upon himself to buy a car seat of his own. Robbie had to admire the commitment that he was taking as an uncle. He knew there was something special in the bond between uncle and nephew.

As they got home, Robbie focused on getting a passed out Cooper out of his clothes while Blaine got Zach ready for bed. Once Robbie got his fiance tucked into bed, he walked the younger Anderson out of the house and thanked him for everything before locking the door. He went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water before heading back up the stairs to the bedroom.

He hadn’t even so much as sat down on the bed before he noticed two pairs of eyes on him. He almost had to laugh at the sight before him: Zach had managed to pull himself up by the side of the crib and was looking at him expectantly. “If it’s not one of you avoiding sleep, it’s the other, isn’t it,” he mumbled softly as he set the water on the bedside table. He walked over quietly to the crib, standing there for a moment and looking down at the big brown eyes staring back at him.

“Come on then,” he said quietly, bending down to pick him up gently and settling him against his hip. “It’s late, Zach Attack, we need to get you to sleep. You’re the one who’s supposed to get an ungodly amount of sleep right now.”

He walked down the stairs slowly, still feeling paranoid about carrying a little infant down. He’d never been afraid of tripping on them before, but when he literally had another life in his hands....well, that was a different story.

He grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch as he walked past, the movement disturbing the two pups that had just settled on the couch. Dodger immediately went to follow him, though Penny stayed behind, looking up at him. “Pen, I think Dad needs you up there,” he said softly. He knew that Penny couldn’t actually understand him, but the way she hauled ass up the stairs immediately made him second guess himself.

He continued walking out onto the deck, shifting Zach closer to him as the chilled night air settled around them as he walked towards the hammock. It wasn’t so unbearable, though, especially after he switched on the small space heater next to them. Dodger settled underneath the hammock as Robbie gingerly laid them down and draped the blanket on top of them.

He looked back at Zach, who was still staring back at him. He had to be thankful that the boy had at least gotten used to him, if nothing else. It had been a hard week, with Ellie going back home and the boy getting used to his new environment. He took the fact that he wasn’t being screamed at as a good sign.

Robbie could tell that the boy was tired, seeing as his usual energy was radiating off him as normal. He could only assume that he was refusing sleep, something that seemed to run in the family.

“So,” he mused. “I know how to tire your dad out enough to pass out, but I guess now is an experiment to see what it takes for you.” He paused for a moment, bringing his knees up so the young boy could lean against them. “I mean, I could just talk for a while, bore you to sleep,” he said with a small chuckle. “I could teach you how to dab, though I think Cooper would kill me if I took that away from him. Not to mention I’m not sure how effective it’d be.”

He sighed softly as he shrugged. “I’m trying to remember what my Dad did when I had nights like this. Granted, that was ages ago. Obviously, I don’t remember from first hand experience. You don’t really remember things that happen when you’re a baby. Just like you won’t remember this night at all.”

“My mom would tell me though. Later in life, I mean. I was a fussy baby, apparently. Dad was the only one who could calm me down and make me get to sleep. He would turn me into a plane, reenact some of the famous battles of the World Wars. Kept it PG, of course, and that would be enough to make me laugh, to stop crying. Then he’d just walk me around the room until I had no other choice but to sleep.”

He slipped his thumbs into Zach’s hands and waved them back and forth, the boy still staring at him, a little lost but Robbie could appreciate the attention. “I wish you would’ve gotten the chance to meet him. He liked to sound tough a lot but he was a big softie; he’s where part of your name comes from too, you know. I wish he was here too, ‘cause then I could ask him how-” he was cut off as a pair of hands launched themselves into his beard.

He paused for a moment before cracking a laugh. “I was trying to have a moment here!” he said through his chuckles. He closed his lips around his teeth and nipped at Zach’s hands, illiciting a squeal from the small boy. Robbie let his laughs fade out as he looked at the boy, seeing every bit of Cooper in him, though also catching the small glimpses of Ellie underneath.

But for the first time that week, after pulling Cooper out of the depths again, Robbie was determined to see himself there too. He sighed softly, carefully getting out of the hammock, turning off the heater and walking them back inside. Dodger immediately went back to the couch, though Robbie lingered in the hallway, walking to the small group of photos that were hanging there.

“That’s him,” he said softly, as he pointed to a picture of his father. “See? Looks scary, but then you remember that he was just barely as tall as your Dad, and he’s not so bad,” he chuckled, moving on to the next picture. “That’s Sarah, your aunt,” he said quickly, letting the use of the titles help him make this seem more normal, “and your cousin, Gabe. Gabe’s a maniac, but he’s a good kid. It wouldn’t surprise me if you know the name of every dinosaur in existence by the time you’re two. Also, it’s a good thing they live on the other side of the country or you would be getting so spoiled.”

He pointed to the next one as Zach laid his head on Robbie’s shoulder, his little hand fisting in the man’s shirt. “That’s Hunter,” he said, pointing out the man in the family photo as he gently leaned his head against the boy’s. “Honestly, he’s a hard one to keep up with, but he’s family, and I think a good uncle to have. If I know either him or your uncle Blaine at all, those two would probably fight to the death for the title of ‘World’s Greatest Uncle’. I’ve already been through it with Hunt when it comes to Gabe,” he chuckled.

He stopped at the next picture, sighing softly at the image of his mother. “And you’ve met Mom,” he said softly. “She loves you, don’t worry, I don’t want the tension from last week to scare you. She’s just...worried. It’s a weird situation. But I think it’ll work out okay. See, the thing with your Dad and I....nothing about us has ever been normal; we’ve had to make our own normal. It’ll be a fun story to tell you one day, but honestly, how we had our first child....well, why should that be normal?”

He heard a labored breath under his chin, and he knew that that meant the boy had fallen asleep. He smiled softly and walked back over to the couch, tossing the blanket back down. With a finally pat to Dodger’s head, Robbie slowly made his way back up the stairs. He placed the boy gently back in his crib and pulled the blanket over him. He leaned against the side of the crib and watched him for a moment. He leaned over and kissed his head gently and sighed. “I do love you, kiddo. We’ll hit a rhythm, I promise.”

He tapped the crib lightly with his knuckle before stepping back and glancing over at Cooper. He smiled to himself as he noticed the man had already star-fished. He stripped down to just his t-shirt and boxers before crawling into bed, mindful of Penny as she moved to compensate him. He reached over and scratched behind her ears, kissing her head softly before laying back. Instead of curling on his side, though, he nudged his way under Cooper’s arm and wrapped one of his own around the other’s waist.

The house was quiet, but with his fiance next to him, his dogs in their respective places, and his son across the room, it was home. And that’s what Robbie held onto as he drifted off to sleep.

#self-para #self: bonding

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gohyuck · 7 years

Text

NCT 127 reaction to you falling asleep on them

rest of the reactions under the cut - kept as gender neutral as possible

taeil

honestly he’d probably be running his fingers through your hair while you lay down on top of him while watching tv or something

it’d be a while before he even noticed you’re asleep

when he does it’s kind of startling because you’re so quiet?? wow amazing

“wow”

when he realizes he stops combing through your hair because what if it wakes you up or something

but then you stir and move your head a little higher up on his chest and he’s like oh

so he goes back to playing with your hair and braids it and stuff

have fun combing it all out when you wake up lmao

your legs and his are entangled and one of his hands is on your back and the other in your hair or behind his head

you’re basically flat on top of him

he doesn’t want to move too much

taeil is like... crazy afraid of waking you up because you must be s o tired and he doesn’t wanna ruin your much needed sleep

“ah they’re so pretty”

turns off the tv eventually because he’s watching you now and not even paying attention to it

wont make any noise honestly

eventually he’ll probably fall asleep to the sound of your breathing tbh

while you’re listening to the sound of his heartbeat

johnny

johnny, softly, but with feeling: “holy shit”

his frame is like x2 yours lmao he makes for a gr9 bed

also his clothes are always soft and highkey he smells like home so when you guys are just chilling and cuddling in downtime and it’s quiet ofc you’re gonna fall asleep

you’re pretty much halfway on top of him at first, with an arm and a leg thrown around him haphazardly

he’s worried you’ll slip off when you fall asleep though so he moves you so you’re entirely on top of him

one arm finds its place around his neck and the other hangs off the couch in like...ultimate chillaxing position

johnny’s all about being super relaxed and cool and shit lmao but in his head he’s aaaaaaaaa because you look adorable and also you’re falling again

both of his arms are wrapped around your waist

if you originally are a little lower on him he’ll gently pull you up so your chin is near his collarbones

johnny the type to take approximately 389243 pictures of you sleeping

probably posts a couple to his sc story

“they’re so tired they fell asleep on me”

“i ain’t even mad tho look at how cute they are”

(haechan responds to his story with “they fell asleep because you’re boring as shit”, a fight ensues)

you wake up to find him knocked tf out, possibly snoring

it’s your turn to take pics and post now

(haechan - “he’s so boring he put himself to sleep”)

taeyong

he’d probably be unable to hold in a tiny squeal because “oh my god look at them”

your head is on his chest and one arm and one leg are slung across him

tae’s lowkey touched because you have the whole bed and choose to fall asleep entangled with him and basically on top of him

he’s 100% sure you’re the cutest thing to exist ever

has his hand on your waist and probably rubs little circles into the skin above your hipbone because it’s so s o f t

moves hair out of your face

tucks it behind your ear so he can look at you better

“ah i guess if they’re asleep i should be asleep”

he really wants to kiss you because you just look so adorable and are everything good in the world (you are his world) but he also doesn’t want to wake you up

crisis????

if anyone else walks into the room, like the other members, he makes the “shh” gesture before they can even think abt opening their mouths

when you wake up he moves so he’s over you

presses like........... a million kisses to your forehead and cheeks and nose and just everywhere on your face before your tired ass pulls him down for a proper kiss

“did you sleep well?”

“yeah, but i like being awake because i can be with you”

“so...you DON’T dream about me”

“yAh”

yuta

i couldn’t find a nonsexy gif of yuta?? a GOD

he’d lowkey be shook as shit

prob tries to be like.cool about it but internally he’s panicking because this hasn’t ever happened before and he doesn’t really know what exactly to do

pets your hair a little bc??? he just...dk

licks his lips a lot while he’s messing with your hair

stops you from falling off of him and onto the floor a couple of times but a small part of him is tempted to let you fall so you’ll wake up and you guys can hang

eventually he’ll get tired of hoping you’ll wake up

he gives you a long nap tho bc he knows you’re tired and he’s kinda tired too but like

he doesn’t wanna fall asleep bc lowkey he’s a little afraid you’ll fall onto the floor if he isn’t there to stop you

after like...an hour of switching from mild awkwardness to exasperatedness to admiring you silently he gets a little tired of it tho

“wake uppp”

you yawn really loud and sit up so you’re straddling him, rubbing sleep out of your eyes and he really can’t help himself

he flips you both over on the couch

smiles down at you and then sighs

“good, we can do stuff together now” he smirks and kinda does an eyebrow wiggle and you just laugh and smack him on the chest a lil bit

he laughs too and buries his face into your shoulder, carefully balancing his weight on you

you guys just talk from that position for hours until the other members come back only to see the two of you dead asleep

doyoung

he’d be another to take wayyyy to many pictures of you

he prob wouldn’t post any though they’re just ~for him~ for when they go on tour or have schedules and he misses you

gently turns you guys over so you’re lying under him and one of his arms and one of his legs are carefully put across you

this way if his legs fall asleep he can get up and move them around without really disturbing you

when you’re underneath him he can’t really stop himself from just sitting up for a second and admiring how stressless you seem when asleep

“oh my god... they’re wearing my shirt”

would smile crazy hard his face would probably hurt

struggles to keep a squeal in because he literally can’t believe of everyone ever you chose h i m and now you’re wearing his clothes and sleeping in his bed beside him like

will wonders never cease?

doyoung can’t help himself tbh he presses chaste little kisses to your forehead, the junction of your jaw and neck, where your shoulder and neck meet, just, sweet kisses where he can

you shift a lot in your sleep and it always kinda panics him

you: moves your pinky finger - doyoung: *gaSP*

eventually though he does fall asleep beside you

only to be woken up by you lightly kissing him

you apologize profusely because you didnt mean to wake him up you just couldnt hel p yourself

and he just laughs and tackles you to the bed, getting into a tickle war

im screaming itd be s o c u t e

jaehyun

prob just chilling lying on the couch and you’re sitting on top of him, straddling his legs because its comfy

after a while it gets silent and eventually he drifts off, only to wake up like 5 min later

he blinks a couple of times to get the very short and disorienting nap out of his system only to see you still straddling him but your head leaning against the back of the couch, small and very cute snores leaving your half open mouth

he takes a pic for the Y/N MEMES album he has on his phone

it’s his most treasured possession - shitt y meme pics of you

“one day our kids will cherish these images too”

he half sits up, raising himself up on his elbow on one arm so he can use the other to gently lift your head

places you head on his chest and lies back down reallyyyyy slowly so you don’t wake up

he’s tired and you’re tired

for a little while though he just stares at you because goddamn you’re real and you’re with him

jaehyun’s getting existential up in this bitch

you’re still snoring so he shifts a little and you quit it and he can’t help but chuckle to himself

he starts yawning

before he knows it he’s half singing songs to try to stay awake so he can see your face when you wake up super groggy

he can’t do it though

when you wake up your boyfriend is knocked tf out and you’re lying on his chest

you just go back to sleep because you’re 1) tired and 2) in love with the idea of just napping with jaehyun nice

winwin

like yuta he kinda wants to wake you up the second he sees you asleep

however he’s really just... amazed by how you just basically melted into his arms while laying against him in bed

you basically dozed off midsentence like you were talking and your words faded until you just exhaled little sighs

and with that sicheng knew you were super asleep

you have a death grip tbh so he can’t really get up but he soon realizes that he honestly doesn’t want to because it’s pretty rare that he just sits and chills or hangs out with you

and even if you’re asleep he’s still with you and honestly?

that’s all that matters

your lips are against where his neck and shoulders meet and both of your arms are around his neck

it’s kinda uncomfortable for him at first but after some tentative shifting he finds a good position for himself

one arm behind his own head, propping himself up against the pillow a little bit so he can see you, the other lightly resting on your head

the rise and fall of your chest is slower than his since you’re sleeping, he can’t help but compare your heartbeats

it’s like poetry in motion for him

he says dumb shit to you while you’re sleeping like “ah you drool when you sleep, what a s l o b” that’s obv a joke

reaches for his phone and texts all the members to stfu and not interrupt them bc you’re sleeping and you deserve the rest

even tho he originally wanted to wake you up so you guys could talk

just really loves you and wants you to be happy im s o f t

mark

after a video game session you guys hang out on the couch together to just talk and catch up before his members get back fro being outside

mark sits up, leaning a little against the couch’s arm and you lie with your head in his lap

he really likes twisting strands of your hair around his fingers while you talk its like...his Thing

but yeah it gets late and after a while it gets quiet and you just fall asleep

mark cant help but laugh because honestly??? it was so sudden but wow

he moves your head so he can get up off the couch, makes sure the door to his dorm room is open, and picks you up

hes lucky you dont wake up while hes carrying you to his bed

when he puts you down he makes to leave and pick up the games and snacks yall left out but your sleeping self makes grabby hands

he c a n t resist and he just giggles a little bit but slides in next to you

marks p surprised when you move to hug him in your sleep

then he remembers how you cant sleep without holding something, just like taeyong

or someone, apparently

eventually falls asleep

both of you wake up to taeyong acting shook af that yall were cuddling in your sleep

haechan takes plenty of pics b4 that tho as b l a c k m a i l

all in all a successful stay-at-home date

haechan

he’s lying down and reading on the couch when you get to their dorm

one hand behind his head propping it up and the other holding the book

when you get there he puts it down and opens his arms wide

you laugh and lean down to hug him only to get d r a g g e d down

“doNGHYUCK”

“just lie down on me i’m a good pillow”

he’s so exasperating honestly but you love him and he loves you so it’s all good?? you make him sit up tho and you snuggle into his side after he puts in the movies you guys are marathoning for the night

“if you do twilight i’ll kill you”

“damn y/n why you gotta ruin my dreams like that”

it ends up being old horror movies that arent scary and like halfway through the 4th movie your head is on his shoulder and youre asleep

he stops the movies and turns the tv off, sighing, roasting you fondly

“idiot couldn’t even stay awake for all of it”

he lies down really carefully on the couch, bringing you with him

he really is a good pillow

it’s like 2 am by this point and some of the members are just about to be getting back from practice

haechan sings really softly while youre asleep, your legs entangled in his and head squarely on his chest

he basically sings himself to sleep, and its in that position the other members find you, asleep together on the the couch

johnny cops haechan’s phone and takes a bunch of pics, making one of them haechan’s lock screen

haechan doesn’t change it when you guys wake up

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raitrolling · 8 years

Text

i fucked up and answered the wrong symbol but fuckit im still doing this

☾ - What was the first idea that inspired the creation of each of your trolls, and do they still embody that idea now?

listed in order of creation, and some of these answers are gonna get really fuckin long so prepare yourself for masses of textwalls

charon: ive gone over his history in this ask here, so tl;dr version: i wanted to make a light greenblood who was creepy and loved blood and fighting. thats it. why people like this guy even though his origin is literally being Edgy(tm) is beyond me. while blood and fighting are still his main interests, his creepiness is no longer being creepy for the sake of being ‘ooh hes so evil and InSaNe xD xD xD’ to actually having motivations and becoming a legitimate threat to others.

skathi: I DONT THINK IVE EVER ACTUALLY TALKED ABOUT OLD!SKATHI BEFORE SO ONLY FORMER MSPAF MEMBERS REMEMBER THAT DUMPSTER FIRE LMAO. but basically skathi’s original concept was vaguely inspired by The Importance of Being Earnest since i was studying that play at the time, but rather than being a british gentleman who invents an alternate identity as an excuse to fuck off to the country or invents a sick relative as an excuse to avoid boring social events, she was a lowblood posing as a highblood because people she fucked over burned down her hive. however that idea didnt work at all because she was complete shit at hiding her blood so that got scrapped, and shes been completely remade twice. now the only concepts that have stayed through the revamps is that she’s an axe-wielding Flarper who uses poisons and got her hive burned down.

cvetka: cvetka’s another character who’s been completely revamped and reset, but her concept hasnt really changed as much. originally she had chlorokinesis that went awry all the fuckin time because whatever man im 16 i can write whatever bullshit i want (aka no reason at all). also she was inspired by the Victorian Era + the language of flowers because i was studying that at the time (you will see this becomes a common thing). then i cant remember if it got confirmed in the comic or if it just because a commonly accepted headcanon on mspaf that highbloods didnt have psiionics at all (whats a vriska) so that got scrapped. then in her revamp she became a complete recluse because pacifism is a no-go on alternia, and while i find that shes become a much better written / well-thought out character as a result, my chances to rp her have become severely limited.

katrin: was my self-insert. originally she was painfully shy and couldnt really talk to anyone without get super embarrassed, and also she was an artist instead of a writer. then everything changed when the fire nation attacked she got a boyfriend. its kinda funny tho because she had no interest in working or getting rich until she met gerrel, yet she ended up on the complete opposite path to him by becoming a thief and running scams with her moirail at the time. then a shitload of events occurred (most of them retconned out of her backstory but their effects on her character still remain. also we dont talk about 90% of those events because i was a Bad Writer at the time and im embarrassed by everything and nearly anxiety-vomit whenever people go ‘hey remember this’ BYE) and we got the piece of shit raccoon thief we all know and love. also ive mentioned this heaps of times before but at one point she had robolimbs cuz both her arms got shot off but i retconned that to having the bullets graze her because i hated drawing her cybernetics lmao. the only things that’ve really stayed with her is that she’s still really awkward and a little shy, as well as still retaining a lot of my negative traits from her self-insert days.

viltau: ive also talked about vil’s history in another ask, but tl;dr wanted a Gatsby troll cuz i was studying the book at the time, ended up making an Edgelord. he’s still pretty gatsby-esque, being a rich guy who worked his way up to the top (tho nowhere near as drastically since he’s already a highblood) and throws a lot of parties, but since he’s a huge literature nerd now he’s a lot more self-aware and aims to purposely embody tropes from his favourite novels. i still like the idea of yellowblood!viltau (and his old sprites are adorable i mean look at him), but i have a lot more fun writing him as he is now. he’s almost a parody of himself, yet simultaneously played completely straight.

somerl: he was originally inspired from me going through my photo albums from times ive been to Hamilton Island on holiday, and in particular the one night i went on a cruise on The Banjo Paterson. i liked the idea of a cute sailor troll, and that was all he got characterwise. then, like katrin, he developed as a result of a bunch of events occurring to him and that’s how he gained a personality. he’s still a cute sailor troll, but now he’s a paranoid insomniac sailor troll with an obsession for superstitions and hatred for seadwellers and women. seadweller women are his worst nightmare.

dismas: his origin is actually kinda funny cuz i was watching this amv, and around about the time that Birthday Massacre song starts playing there’s this white-haired kid who appears and i thought he was the coolest thing ever. to this day i still have no clue who he is or what anime he’s from. also because it’s still 2011 and I Was A Teenage Edgelord i had an embarrassing obsession with Izaya from Durarara so of course dismas had to be an informant who fucks with everyone. originally he was yellow!viltau’s assistant who carried out all the shady jobs and was my go-to troll for killing off ocs i got bored of but they had history with other people’s trolls so i couldnt just get rid of them. then his original concept got combined with vil when i retconned vil into being an indigoblood. when i brought him back i kept the informant stuff and the Edgyness, but now he’s edgy to make fun of the fact he was a legitimate edgelord played 100% straight back in the day. also his roboarm switched sides because i forgot which arm he lost lmao.

aegiel: did a complete 180 in terms of character concept, and went through a bunch a revamps before i even started rping her. originally she was inspired by Hollywood Undead (particularly the song city), and was actually a super hemorebel who managed to escape capture and culling by having probability manipulating psiionics that ensured luck was always on her side. then i scrapped that entirely because at the time i was studying the Chinese revolution and the topic of the cultural revolution came up. so then her concept switched to being based on the Chinese Red Guards, as well as partially the Russian Cheka since i studied the Russian revolution the semester prior. I thought the concept of a super hemoloyal lowblood with a fanatical dedication to the Empire would be interesting, since most hemoloyalists tended to be highbloods. the only things thatve stayed from her original concept are her name and symbol, as well as her laughing quirk being a remnant of how her lusus was originally a cheshire cat.

aiolos: i dont really remember where his original concept came from, apart from i remember seeing a fanart of a 1920s style Scout from TF2 and liking the idea of a courier troll. i know i drew his original design in history class while watching Doctor Zhivago but i dont remember anything about that movie to know if that had any bearing on his character lmao. originally he was pretty rude and kinda sleazy, which ended up morphing into the sass you see today. he hasnt really changed much from his original concept, but its more that his character has grown over time.

kalpan: ok i have a confession to make. the reason why i made kal was because there were a shitload of anonbloods on mspaf that were either A. really bad at hiding their anonblood status, or B. were all almost always tyrianbloods in disguise who would pull rank every time someone gave them shit for being anon. and me, being the egotistical piece of shit i am, decided that i wanted to make a good anonblood. so kal’s blood was kept secret and she stayed out of trouble so that itd never get revealed, and her reasoning for being anonymous was just that she didnt really care my dude. she hasnt really strayed too far from her original concept, but rather expanded on the reason why shes so casually apathetic and gave her more of a backstory.

leithe: leithe’s original concept was something i dreamed up, no joke. from what i remember from the dream, i went to like a superhero school or something, and there was this one kid whose power was to cancel out other people’s powers so he’d be the one to save other kids when they lost control of their powers. his power also looked like a bubble that’d envelop himself and the other person whose powers he was cancelling out, so when i made him a fantroll that turned into an invisible field in which his psiionics were constantly active. and instead of being a hero, leithe was just an average dude who’d take up odd jobs here and there so he could have the skills to get a good job in the fleet. conceptwise he hasnt changed much, although hes become less tolerate of other lowbloods over time and he grew 500% more eyebrow.

pratap: was the first new troll i made after starting this blog. his first idea was a cute little seadweller who didnt really understand why other trolls were suspicious of him and his innocent offers to take them to his cafe for coffee. then shortly after making him, I studied Great Expectations in my uni literature class, and loved the idea of pratap getting a mentor who turns him from an innocent little kid to a typical shithead member of high society. that plot was going pretty well but fell through because of Reasons (read: i no longer associate with the other rper), so now he’s stuck in limbo characterwise but id love to pick it up again sometime.

errett: i say this every time i bring up errett’s history but haha remember when this guy was supposed to be cute. so errett was supposed to be in a group of trolls inspired by the four main elements from the game OFF., but pwo and i never got anyone to fill the spots for the elements of metal and plastic so it was just errett and his troll karnvr. and yeah, errett was supposed to be cute and his rudeness was meant to just be cutesy ‘ill puff up my cheeks and get angry and everyones gonna think im adorable’ but that got thrown out the window the moment i started rping him and he became a complete cunt. then we started thinking up a backstory for him and he became even more of a Bitter Angry Baby, so now the only elements that’ve really retained are his design and references to the game OFF..

sigrun: was inspired by those gifs of penguins falling over and the fact that i fucking love penguins and cry whenever i see cute penguin-related things. apart from being a bit more aggressive in their first draft, they havent changed much at all (probably because i never use them ever oops).

kisert: i have another confession to make. the reason why i made kisert was because i thought the whole ‘creepy little kid who talks to ghosts’ troll was overdone to hell and back so i wanted to make a parody of it by making a troll who pretends to be creepy and talks to ghosts to con people. he’s always been a massive childish brat, but his brattiness and childishness has gotten even more apparent over the years. tho at the same time, because those tendencies have been played up, he’s become a lot more emotionally stunted and stuck in the past as a result, which i think is more interesting than his original concept.

raesul: also hasn’t really changed from her original concept. i had the Danger Days album on repeat and really liked the idea of a hemorebel radio host, and so rae was born. she’s also partially inspired by Motorcity which i was watching at the time (and never finished oops), hence her radio station being called radio BRNR, after the Burners group. while rae was always supposed to be completely different from her miss summertime identity, the differences have become a lot more pronounced now that rae is super awkward and insecure while miss summertime is loud, proud, and always in control. also miss summertime’s wardrobe went from being super girly to more punk and rock-and-rock inspired, originally i wanted to avoid that because i thought itd be too cliche but then somewhere along the line i decided ‘lol fuck it’.

shirei: is based off the pokemon pangoro, cuz one of it’s pokedex entries states how its tough and aggressive but doesnt tolerate bullies, so i thought the idea of a tough but almost motherly gang leader would be neat. i was also watching Kill La Kill and Revolutionary Girl Utena at the time, so she gained some tomboyish but also princely/fairytale-esque qualities as a result. she hasnt changed much in terms of concept and ideas, but she kinda retroactively got inspired by quite a few of the Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure protagonists (particularly Jolyne and Giorno, but also a bit of Josuke) because they were kind of similar in concept.

redeti: was made as being a part of a group for trolls based on santa’s reindeer that i was doing with pwo. red is a combination of the ideas i had for Dasher and Vixen, and when i first designed him we joked that he looked like a lovechild between viltau and kitaer, so his interests became snowcones and murder to reference that. while he’s still a part of the Northern Lights crew with all the other reindeer inspired trolls we made, he’s become more detached from everyone else as a result of making friends with people outside the community. but in terms of original concept and ideas, he hasn’t really changed apart from probably becoming a lot more naive and dense over time.

fannar: is another troll from the Northern Lights crew, although they were made about a month after. they were kind of based off my idea for Donner, but also a mix between one of my older trolls i got rid of and my old Hetalia oc Antarctica. since they werent going to be a reindeer troll, i wanted them to be an outsider to the group, hence their polar bear lusus and their sickly constitution making it difficult for them to live in their current environment. originally they legitimately hated redeti’s guts and wanted him dead, but over time it’s become more of just a simple blackcrush that’s made them very protective of him.

nancor: ive mentioned this before, but his original concept came about because of this video and me deciding i really liked xatu. i had also seen The Book Thief recently, and loved the character of Death (i havent read the book yet tho dont judge me), so that’s where nan’s whole ‘pleasant but morbid angel of death’ came from. he’s also somewhat based on a couple characters from Hamatora (which is an alright series but the 2nd season is a complete dumpster fire and you should only watch if you want to watch a show fly so far off the rails it becomes hilarious), such as Ratio’s power requiring him to cover up his eye, and Moral’s design (as well as Izuru Kamukura from Danga Ronpa being another design insp). he’s always been kind of a silly character with his dumb puns and the fact that he walks around wearing a blindfold and fights with semaphore flags, but the more serious aspects of his personality didnt come in until much later.

eichio: another troll that started out as a huge fuckin joke, i saw this vine and wanted to make a troll who used noisemakers as their strife weapon. his mimicry and talent with musical instruments was just random brainstorming, and his whole ‘mimicking other trolls so he can learn how to act properly and pick up their behaviours to become likeable’ became a thing because i didnt know what personality or interests to give him. then i really started to explore the concept of a troll who has been raised to be nothing but the perfect people pleaser and even more perfect servant, and the effects that would have on someone’s mentality. he also developed an anxiety disorder cuz i got diagnosed with GAD and realised how much of myself id unintentionally put in him. its kinda amusing how a character who was originally supposed to just be a blank slate ended up so complex, but i really like how much hes grown as a concept.

davitt: dav was made for that meme that went around where you and a friend had to come up w. 2 ocs in secret and not reveal them until they were both done, and then you had to figure out how to ship them together, so i came up with him while pwo made walker. i was watching How To Get Away With Murder at the time, so i really liked the idea of a corrupt lawyer who used loopholes to get all his clients out of being found guilty, and was only in the job field for money and the fact it was really easy for a tealblood to become a Legislacerator. but, since im incapable of making trolls that arent also huge fuckin dorks, he was also a huge lazy piece of shit cat who hoarded random garbage and came up with dumb ways to be efficiently lazy. over time his corrupt and greedy ways have fallen to the wayside in favour of the more comically serious side to his personality, though they’re still slightly there since he is primarily a defense lawyer and we all know those types of lawyers are the devil.

ananta: ana is based off the game OneShot, which i played and fell in love with instantly. a lot of their concept stems from the game, ranging from superficial stuff such as their appearance resembling Niko and how their strife weapon is a lightbulb, but also the technical aspects of the game such as their unforgiving personality being a reference to how you only get one shot at the game, and their hobby as a hacker referencing how the game does shit to your computer as part of a puzzle. the resemblance was apparently so close that the creator of the game reblogged my concept art for ana, which im both still flattered and embarrassed about. like a lot of my recent characters, their core concept hasnt really changed, but rather ive focused a lot more on aspects of their personality like their extreme bitterness to hide their vulnerablity, and their loneliness as a result of the events in their life and the facade they put up.

soroll: is a literal meme. hes based off the ‘scream at own ass’ opossum meme, and is part of a group of meme animal trolls owned by pwo, who is also a huge memer. again his concept hasnt really changed since hes always been kinda dumb but with a huge heart, but over time hes become more of a mother hen type since he ended up unintentionally gravitating towards trolls who never took care of themselves so hed fuss over them. also i have no clue what happened to his quirk over time or even what accent its meant to resemble now lmao.

benrii: is based off Sanetoshi Watase from one of my favourite anime of all time, Mawaru Penguindrum. like ana, he’s not so much a direct rip of the character (apart from appearance) but more of an amalgamation of references to the series, so you have things like his obsession with fate mirroring the theme of the show, his apple bombs referencing the symbolism of apples that appears constantly, and the fact that he’s 9.5 sweeps refers to the 95 arc number in the show. also at one point i fell into a huge rabbit hole and ended up reading up about cults and biblical shit so that’s where his god complex came from. the whole ‘being addicted to praise and acting out for attention’ aspect of his personality didnt come about until much later, and thats now the dominant part of his character as a whole.

rosato: is another troll based on memes and joke posts on tumblr rifp, but this time its those posts on modern vampires and people not recognising they’re actually vampires and seeing things like their sudden aversion to the sun and garlic to just be weird coincidences. so then i came up with the idea of a forgetful rainbowdrinker who refused to believe theyre actually dead because they forgot how they got killed and assumes all the associated Weird Vampire Shit are just coincidences. he’s also got a shitload of Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure references in him because this was around about the time i got into the series. after errett failed, rosato was my second attempt at making a shy and cute but kinda mean troll, but once again he ended up becoming a full-blown rude asshole.

zotick: i was reading Vento Aureo and thought ‘you know Gold Experience is a fuckin cool power, what if I tried to make it less OP and turn it into a fantroll’. thus, zot was born. like rosato, his design and personality are a bunch of references to Giorno, and his love of bugs/scorpions/lizards/etc came from the fact that whenever Gold Experience turned something into an animal, its always something gross and dangerous. like eichio, i couldnt decide on any interests so i took the cheater’s way out and made it that he got bored easily so he doesnt stick to any main hobbies apart from bugs and pranks. Over time, he became more obnoxious and annoying, which was mostly because every single bug-related post on this site i could find was a fuckin meme.

Indi and Kaiman: im putting these two together because i came up with their concepts at the same time. firstly, i wanted to make trolls who were interested in the paranormal and aliens and shit, and secondly, i wanted them to be not quite siblings but grew up so closely they could basically be considered the Alternian equivalent of brothers. They were supposed to look similar in appearance and clothing too, but when i drew my first concept of indi i really liked what i came up with but it didnt suit how i envisioned kai so they ended up becoming completely different. i also wanted indi to be the quiet one and kai to be the loud one, but then i liked the idea of them being completely conflicting in terms of first impressions and ‘real’ personality. while their concepts never strayed away from their original idea, they definitely became a lot more developed and evolved once i started talking about them to ez, who was designing mauban at the time. from their interactions with mau, indi became a lot more extroverted but also trusting and optimistic, whereas kai became more judgmental and standoffish than i had initially intended, which i thought was a neat contrast.

mikiel: he’s Ghiaccio from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure. that’s it. character analysis over. ok i lied, but a lot of his character concept came from the fact that i really loved Ghiaccio’s design, personality, and powers, and really wanted to make a troll like that. funnily enough his gang affiliation is not a reference to Passione / La Squadra, but rather because i wanted to add more characters to the red scarves. the whole mutant thing is because i really wanted him to have psiionics but also wanted him to be a blueblood, and the fact that his powers are nigh uncontrollable is me reusing original!cve’s chlorokinesis idea, this time the reason being because his body cant handle an ability that supposed to be only seen in lowbloods rather than just Because Shut Up. he was actually supposed to be aggressive and Angry(tm) all the fuckin time, but after a while i considered that his life is actually really fuckin depressing so he gained ‘depression’ as his second emotion. now i try to focus more on his defeatist nature as opposed to anything else because otherwise he feels just kinda one-note.

aislin: is based on Alphys from Undertale, because i really like making characters based on my fav indie rpgs apparently. i got to that part in the game when you realise that alphys has been watching you from the very beginning, and thought a troll with surveillance-based psiionics would be a really neat concept over making Yet Another Geeky Scientist (although ais is interested in science to reference alphys, she just doesnt practice it). in terms of personality, she’s katrin 2.0, because as much as i love kat how she is right now, i really missed her adorably yet painfully shy personality that she used to have. i am also v. protective of ais and the types of trolls she interacts with because i refuse to have another Incident. so its more of a return to original concepts that earlier characters once embodied.

lanthi: came about because A. I was watching Owarimonogatari and i fuckin love Ougi and B. it was finally time for me to make a subjug. her chucklevoodoos are a play on the fact that Ougi is scarily good at prompting people into figuring out the exact answers they’re looking for, and especially in the Sodachi arcs how she was able to make Araragi remember everything about his past that he’d blocked out of his mind just by asking the right questions and the right time. for lanthi, i interpreted that as fabricating memories through suggestion, so her targets become more receptive to listening to her since they suddenly recall her as a familiar face they can trust. i havent really done much with her so i dont rly have anything to say, other than i still have no clue what the fuck she is.

velour: oh boy, velour. i had so many concepts for this fucker that it was hard for me to settle on one. along with being a celebrity fashion designer and vlogger who happens to be a lowkey con artist, other concepts i had in mind were a matchmaker, and a borderline yandere who uses his celebrity status to lure in targets to fall in love with him. i scrapped the latter two ideas (tho now the yandere thing gets referenced by the fact he gets fans paying him to act out their own weird celebrity stalker fantasies LMAO), and somehow managed to mash together all my concepts into an actual troll. he took the longest for me to figure out, and it wasnt until after i made liiore and gave him a past with him + mikiel where everything started to click, but now everything works and im super happy w. him.

liiore: was somewhat of an offshoot of my many velour concepts, since along with the celebrity idea i was also thinking of an ex-celebrity concept as well. also one night i was reading the PokeSpe page on Bulbapedia and it mentioned one of the main characters being an ex-celebrity who became a shut-in after he got too overwhelmed by the lifestyle, and i really liked that concept. so then liiore was born. he was also my 3rd attempt at making a cute shy boy character, except this time i nixed the ‘but also grumpy in a cute way’ so i wouldnt end up with Yet Another Errett or Rosato. now hes a huge dopey ball of adorable shyness.

daimon: so when i first played Awakening i made a Fire Emblem-inspired troll who didnt really click with me so i scrapped them almost immediately. then Fates came around and I fell in love with every single archer but especially Niles and Takumi, so i was like ‘yknow what lets try round 2 for an FE troll’. so dai is a mishmash of all the Fates archers (but Niles remained the main inspiration so that’s why his appearance and personality is closest to him), as well as kinda more Arthur than Setsuna simply because i thought a troll with impossibly bad lukc would be hilarious. and also hilariously tragic, hence his backstory. since i havent really rped him that much he hasnt really changed in concept, but he also became inspired by Jake Peralta from Brooklyn Nine-Nine after i started watching that and now i cannot unsee dai in jake help me.

callan: is based on a combination of ‘The Phantom Thief’ trope, Bungou Stray Dogs (particularly Dazai and Chuuya in terms of design), and the fact i was talking about my faceblindness issues with my parents and thought ‘hey a character who no one can remember what they look like would make a great thief’. and i was thinking about rosato’s backstory and really wanted to make an npc to fill in the gaps re: how he died but whoops i got attached to the concept and now ive got a legit troll on my hands. i was also thinking about how i have way too many pretty + well-dressed + cultured male trolls so i kinda made callan a different spin on my own predicability by making him look smart and cultured but really not giving a shit about anything of the sort. he loves the theatre but only if theyre musicals with a lot of comedy, he steals art and knows his art history but only so that he can definitely steal something of worth that isnt going to end up a forgery, he’s sharp dressed because it attracts attention given his caste, and he drinks beer because he looks like a guy who’d prefer wine.

#headcanon #EVERYONE #jesus christ its finally done #im going to bed now its 5am and my parents are already awake RIFP

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survivedeathvalley · 7 years

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EPISODE 2 - “CHICK FIL A FOR EVERYONE, IT’S RAINING FRIES, HALLELUJAH!” - GABBY

I wanna establish myself as a strong force in this game. When people open skype web and remember they have to be active here I want them to think, "Oh I gotta deal with that bitch Misty too" And I intend on getting to the bottom of who voted for me... Paul [Kage]

Guess who helped start a new alliance! :) Basically Kat, William and I are part of a 3 person alliance called "The Chaos Crew". I feel fairly comfortable working with these two because they both said they were supposedly new to ORGs (don't 10000% buy it), also it would be in all of our interests to stick to a 3 person alliance to make sure that if in the case we do attend tribal we can at least tie if not be in the majority.

I don't really understand this cast. They're really bad aliases. Yikes... I was talking to that one guy on my tribe with the normal-sounding name and I told him I didn't like making small talk because everyone is "fake". Then he said "I'm not fake! I promise". So I responded that it's not like anyone is fake in *that* way, but it's because of the alias thing... then he thought I was asking him for an alliance. What the fuck. Then he exposed to me that he's NEVER played orgs before and he's SO out of the loop, which might be true, but I don't want to take any chances. I think he's just bad at playing dumb.

http://imgur.com/j0q7pWl

I'm glad that Marco is gone, but I can't help but wonder who voted for Misty. I hope she doesn't think it was me.

chick fil a for everyone, it's raining fries, hallelujah! I have to remember Sunday that I can't be working if I'm not around because Chick fil a does not run on Sundays, I can feel myself forgetting already.

Misty and I want to work together for the long run, and I'm already scared I'm going to tell her too much info and she'll figure out who I am. On another note, I noticed the viewing lounge the other day and I wonder if Issy is playing in this, because she's in the VL. I'm pretty sure she hates me? We played Arabia together and I lied to her a lot and blindsided her a lot and I think it would be SO FUNNY if we were working together in this, I almost feel like maybe she's Mattie? Thinking back she reminded me of Issy a bit.

Girl Idk but if we lose I'm voting off the biggest threat in our tribe now that's the tea!

I want Paul out tbh. Me/Bianca/Gabby/Mattie alliance would be the dream. I wanna take control of this tribe. Idk what has gotten into me but I wanna be like Sandra in Game Changers. If we lose, I do plan on making a fake account for Paul and making some fraudulent receipts of him saying he wants Gabby out................... Whatever it takes, you know?

i honestly keep forgetting im in this game! rip me! and also like i think im gonna start impersonating karen so people think I'm her

Nothing has happened yet

https://youtu.be/xB5CQqqra0o

Ummm, so ummm, unmmm, I have no idea what tribal will be like tomorrow

Note to self: NEVER PISS LOGAN OFF. <3 Paul has got to go, I liked him better when his account wasn't working. Also I think I figured out who he is because he kept putting a different name instead of Paul when we were doing the challenge. I don't know that person outside of this game though and can't remember what he said his name was to save my life. I hope that maybe Misty, Bianca, Mattie and I can vote together to get Paul out of this game, his smart mouth is going to ruin it for all of us. He was also the more pissy person towards Mattie when she was messing up. And true, I was lowkey annoyed with her too but then she told us she had dyscalculia and one of my friends has that, and I could see how this challenge could be difficult for her. We should have started it YESTERDAY, i felt like suggesting it but I just... never did. UGH, I'm so ready for a switch or something, Panamint is dropping like flies and I just hope I'm in a good enough spot to stay another round.

This tribe is?? Interesting I guess. We don't communicate like at all. Nobody answers pms (including me) and when we do it's like very vague and messy. Alex sends haha every other word and it makes it very hard to see if he's serious or not? I like Jenny she seems cool hopefully we can work together but the rest of this tribe idk

We just lost.. and of course I was the only one to NOT participate. I'm sure I'm on the chopping block, because at this point I'm pretty sure there's no inactives to hide behind. I'm still gonna push for Paul to go home though. Maybe not be as aggressive as I planned to be.. but I will try to make it work. I trust in Bianca and Gabby so hopefully they keep me safe!

So we lost. Which I expected. And I originally thought I'd be the target, since I fucked up so much we kept having to go back. But Tanner never showed up to participate and everyone has to participate so we lost for that reason instead. Which means that I'm a little safer than I was before, and Tanner is most likely going home. I hope. I'm kind of glad he fucked up tbh, because I think we would've gone either way and now I get to be safe.

Now this is the truth tea and I can't wait to see all my devious villains with me at merge bc it's obvious the other two tribes are stupid enough to actually win a challenge *giggles*

https://youtu.be/BS93E9_5f1o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpsXJTPAOYE

I think everything is peaceful right now but I just hope everything isn't under the table and no one is targeting me.

Nobody wants to be the first person to throw out a name! It's so annoying! Nothing is happening! Wait, maybe they have an alliance *facepalm*

I dunno what I said last, but I think it was to the effect of I really suck at that flash game and I hope that the people on my tribe are better at it than I am. And... they were! They were actually a lot better than I was at it and I think one person (Alex maybe??) made up the difference of my failings https://media.tenor.co/images/9d06a86bdcd648c964e322559fdd3b80/tenor.gif We won the immunity challenge and avoided the first vote off of the season because that's what you do when you're immune I guess. Anyway, it looked like the Panamint tribe that did the worst decided to vote off their inactive player to increase their chances of success. I'm assuming this will be the strategy for most tribes moving forward anyway. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/99/39/d8/9939d80aafd7f1217af815bd1f7ab42b.gif

The reward challenge was the degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon thing that is always really fun - https://media.giphy.com/media/Ff2LmUUzZQAeY/giphy.gif I did the best I could at it so that I would look like an asset to my team... perhaps. Gotta plant those seeds that I'm of value so people will start inviting me to be part of their alliances and I'll become less likely to get the boot. We lost, but luckily it was just reward and then Kai went back to the Devil Hole to dig for an idol or something. So.. maybe Kai has an idol now? At the moment, I'm not too bothered because I don't think that I have given them any reason to play it.

Next challenge rolls its ugly head out of bed and I can see myself crying. I literally wanted to sit out of this one because I hate these types of challenges. They make my knees weak and my heart break. http://www.gifimagesdownload.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Disgusted-cute-gif.gif It's a counting endurance challenge... WITH A TWIST ™ because you can only respond with odds on odd minutes and evens on even minutes... and I wasn't online to ask to sit out so I get to help count!! Rather than um... being a flop I decided to OVER DO so that people will want to pull me into potential future alliances since these challenges are the opportunity to bond over the fact that you hate your life. https://media.tenor.co/images/12ef9945086f38f2b314cdd6206fa1dc/tenor.gif

This dude named Tanner who Kai and some other people keep calling Eddie (suspicious?? I dunno, nor do I care tbh.. just weird honestly) didn't participate in the challenge at all and has more or less disappeared. http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/shrg-1.gif While concerning because people disappearing is not necessarily a good thing, it has made the first vote an easy target. Our tribe needs strength and somebody that we can't rely on to play is definitely the opposite of desirable. Also! Fun facts! Alex and I worked really closely and very consistently on this challenge and we shared with each other afterward that we were each equally glad to have someone to rely on throughout the thing... and then Alex did some weird alliance pitching thing that made me slightly uncomfortable. They were like.. "We could be more ;)" and I was like... stop with the wink face and just ask if I want to ally with you. It's giving me creeper vibes. https://m.popkey.co/98eb3f/1xWo0.gif So we decided to form an alliance and to pull in Wash as a third so that we will be able to control votes moving forward. I guess that'll be something... assuming it sticks and is successful and all of the other permutations are fun... also, given Jenny's chaotic nature she's probably going to out this alliance the moment she gets to a swap so she can stab them in the back.

I feel bad for not doing reward fuck i might go home fuck this

https://youtu.be/H4LrsvmlSAA

Ok, so episode 2 in a nut shell... Kat, William and I started a 3 person alliance called the Chaos Crew which is kinda cute I guess, hopefully since there are 3 people in the alliance it will secure them as a number more. Then we had the reward competition which was the wikipedia thing and my type A personality legit did the entire comp for our tribe. I really wanted us to win and have a possibility of being sent to satan's asshole. So we won!!!! And we got an idol clue :) also I convinced them to let me go to the hole. I decided thatd itd be smart to send the same people as last week because itd put a larger target on their back and if they found an advantage it would at least be in a known area. Basicalllllly, I found this cute Zirusikisisiaasdas Idol which works as a normal idol but also randomly gives another person protection, but my ass tried and tell most people that I found nothing (a rock). This is good for the most part unless it chooses the person I am trying to idol out. Then we had the reward comp which was the ugliest fucking counting endurance comp ive ever had to do. So basically, Giruga, Justin, and I did the majority of the competition even though I was on a fucking road trip on mobile so that was wild. Layla legit did little to nothing which made the entire tribe kind of mad, thus theyd be an easy vote in a future tribal probs. I think Giruga and I working on this competition and communicating during it made was a lot more beneficial for our relationship... basically I suggested that we made a good team in the comp and I was wondering if he'd want to work together and he said yes!!! So im basically working with everybody on the fucking tribe whew. We won immunity because we are the only tribe to finish it which has me shook, but that means we have a significant advantage going into a future tribe swap or merge :). I have feeling that next episode is going to be a tribe swap, but we will see!

I was told to make a confessional. Also I'm going to make an alliance so if I'm gone you'll know why.

So....we lost....again. But it's no sweat this round because I have my alliance with Gabby and Misty, which gives us majority. I love a good majority. The plan is to vote out Paul because he is literally a mess and a half. After that disaster is handled, we can hopefully move forward and not have to go to tribal again. I'm really praying that I can go to Devil's Hole again because now that I have my glow stone i have better chances of maybe finding something that could really turn my game around. But who knows? Only time will tell

I swear, i'm a good egg, i'm going to make a confessional whenever i'm asked to. :o) Okay so.... I just got asked to join an alliance with Paul and Mattie... now I'm going to have two alliances, how exciting is this gonna be. Time to start making some choices and hope for a swap because someone is going to know i was playing both sides soon!

Well fuck me with an Iron Dildo I think it worked!

If I go home this round... I just........... It doesn't feel natural. I GUESS it's my fault for not being on skype all day yesterday/today but? I was busy. Whatever. If I stay, Mattie better watch the fuck out. They think they can vote me out? Surprise bitch

EP 2 EDGIC:

#buriedinsand #confessionals

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

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yesterday we did shrooms.

our friend was the ring leader and mixed 9 grams of it in chocolate and we all split it. im usually okay with shrooms and actually sadly took them enough last summer so i felt calm - usually i just have a very mellow empty headed high.

but this was not good and i guess it was ‘better’ that we all experienced not good. like i knew early on it was going the wrong way and suddenly we just wanted it to be over. it was a very intense trip with audio and visual hallucinations but not like full on break from reality - just warping faces and discoloration and hearing talking when there was none.

he did not handle this well at all. i feel both me and our friend have a lot of mental issues and have struggled a lot so it was a bit easier for us to handle but i think i handled it the absolute best because i didnt feel traumatized by it when they did. i mean it was very terrible. but ive done worse sober with my own mind in terms of anxiety and shit and the hallucinations i knew were drug induced. no matter what i questioned i reminded myself it was the drugs. i had no grasp on reality, it was the drugs and it would eventually be over. i really just kind of sat it out.

he took it a lot dfferently and it sat on him in relation to the world around him. like he had become upset but unable to express why he was upset that essentilly what he was feeling was something i had felt sober. like his anxiety and neediness and wanting someone to help and feeling overwhelmed - that’s kind of me on the regular. but being able to feel it himself and see it from this perspective i feel like he could see how hard it actually is. it wasnt like anyone was physically ill. everyone was fine and operating and breathing but mentally it was a complete breakdown. like they were thankful -to come back-. as if we would have lost our minds forever. but i know it’s hard to lose your mind forever, it takes a lot of damage and if i was able to rationalize despite it all, i knew eventually they’d come back.

he was also very very anxious about being upset in front of me because thats not really him. and at one point he was crying, upset about i dont even know and mumbling about james randi. i think he had like pre conceived notions that i might react differently to seeing him upset because he tries really hard to create the illusion of manly man, but on like a subconcious level. i think he thought it would be weakness or something but i just kissed him and everything settled a bit for awhile.

but the mental breakdown was so bad that it took me a really long time to make food. like i was the first one to be able to moderately operate and i guess thats because im used to that sort of mental breakdown state. like it wasnt as if my drugs were weaker - i was definitely totally fucked up and not well. if i was anywhere but a couch with a blanket - dead in the water. but as soon as the worst of the hallucination subsided and i was able to grasp reality for longer than a couple of seconds, i really tried to take control of my mind and body. i wanted it to be over and i could really not operate well and if you would have put a camera on me in this kitchen it would have been frantic pacing and spinning in circles trying to make chicken nuggets and pizza.

as i was making the food i went downstairs to check on them and he was laying on the floor with our friend but he suddenly started freaking out at me very seriously and telling me he needs mental help. to me, it’s semi-normal for him to do this. sometimes he changes moods very quickly and you cant question the shift or it escalates it. if you can get him to see hes exaggerating his own thoughts with something more light hearted, he lets it go. but to our friend, he had never seen this side of him. he kept whining about needing a movie on tv but he was doing nothing to help himself with a laptop in the room etc. it was a brief but intense 2 minutes of very serious freking out about needing “mental help” and i casually mentioned how hes “disturbing” our friend which helped switch him to the realization that he wasnt actually alone.

i finished the food and he asked to tae a nap upstairs which was really just restless anxiety but i felt like .. a much different vibe or shift from him. it wasnt embarassment but like maybe a realization that im not “crazy” and being in mental chaos is hard. both of them were extremely thankful about the food and understood on a deep level how hard it was to mke it - but again, no one was physically sick. everyone could operate but mentally they were gone. so its just really hard to imagine how hard it could be to make food unless you experience if yourself and they did and they appreciated it.

he was very affectionate towards me after, wanting to sit together and hug me and touching me. he asked me a few times if iwas okay and honestly, i was and i am. it was a really easy mental break for me because i knew it was drug induced. i explained it was little sober me curled in a ball inside and just terrified and waiting it out. cuz its not fun to experience that. im surprised i didnt cry but again i knew it was the drugs. maybe im the best person for a bad trip. i took care of myself and two other people.

my friend made a comment about us being “boyfriend and girlfriend” i repeated what he usually says - he’s not my boyfriend. so he directly asked him - “youre not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore?” and he replied “look we already established i live in my own reality and thats all that matters”

whch really he was referring to a comment i made the day before about how he kind of just lived in his own reality where he wont “define” us having a relationship but literally everyone else who knows him and i does because we do in fact by definition have a romantic relationship. so he can think we dont but we definitely do.

hes very very anxious and passive aggressive about my eviction. which is funny to me because i think its a projection of like.. knowing he probably really wants me but this is a bad situation. like its not a healthy relationship standard to now live together because i was evicted. theres no want or desire there; just necessity. so i get it; but he cant say these things. that makes him committed and obligated to the idea of a full scale long term relationship. he cant be alone and be himself with a connection.

i told him i had an opportunity to live in a nearby bussable city. he commented that itd be a long way to walk but it wouldnt matter - hes going away in the summer (by going away he means the idea of living in his truck). it was a double shot - not only would i have less access to him; it wouldnt matter to him because he’s/he’d just leave anyways.

its a bit upsetting that he would focus on our “non existant” relationship - he drives enough it doesnt seem that big of a deal to live a bit further and i dont have a lot of options at the moment. like this is upsetting for me too but im trying to stay the course. ike its a bump in the road of my recovery; it’s not a step backwards, its a consquence of my actions before and it doesnt define what im doing right now. right now i feel 50 - 70% equipped to handle this. its not going to be fun or easy but itll really be for the best all around. like being in this apartment is not healthy for me.

and i have to live my own life. like i feel at ease with the idea that were not creating a real life together so im kindof moving on and he might have to make effort to keep it going. if he doesnt, well -- sucks, but what more can i do? sorry for not living up to your expectations?

i want to live with him but at the same time, right now, i dont. maybe in a few more months when he figures things out a bit more. not that i have anything figured out but as my mind has cleared, ive begun to have time to think on what i know and believe and want. ive built some confidence in myself that i might know whats best for me. not that i know everything, but i should trust that i know when it best to listen to someone else too. and i should trust when i know that someone elses opinion might not matter.

so i know i want a life partner. i know i want to create things - maybe grow or cook, something stress free. i know i want to help a community thrive and grow things within local areas. i’m tired of doing what everyone else wantsme to do; it’s exhausting and suffocating and leads to constant mental breaks. i just want to be me and being me involves a partner.

i dont want to live with his mother. its very suffocating to be around his mother who places her own misguided expectations on you as well. she told me to get a job at mcdonalds - whch is fair, but what happens when i give up? because i know its what i dont want? why stay in terrible situations? why stay n something you dont want? what i want a majority of the time is to lay down and give up. i’d like the incentive not to and mcdonalds is not it.

but she doesnt understand that. she doesnt get that like this shroom trip, a lot of my daily coping is within life or death. i have to choose life. i have to choose and grasp reality regularly when i’d rather give in to it all. so when you lay that blanket on ‘get a job at mcdonalds’, it’s just not the rght choice. it seems stupid, but its not the right choice.

this week i will amazingly work four days. im nervous but looking forward to it and looking forward to it solving some of my problems.

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