#itd be easier to get around that if i didnt have to eat multiple times a day

[nexus-nebulae]

i wish human food schedules were longer

[uwuowotf2waslife]

How would they react to their S/O either being pregnant or wants a child? (You can ignore this if you already answered it)

Im a sucker for parent mercs headcanons

tw: mentions of abortions, miscarriages and a very sad ending

Scout -will have an aneurism, but also will also hug you and spend a whole day just run around announcing to anyone he sees that hell become a dad -given the fact he never had a perminant paternal figure throughout his life, except his older brothers or his moms boyfriends from time to time, he will be at least insecure and nervous about the whole procedure. He has seen pregnant women yes, but he has never been the one who impregnated them. He loathes hell end up like his dad and become a deadbeat, but he also knows how much life sucks without a dad so he’ll man up and with some reasurrance from S/O he will become a much, much better than his.  Soldier -proudly announces to the whole base than a new recruit will be arriving in approximately 9 months and prepares accordingly. -he makes a crib with the help of Engie and makes blankets and clothes with the help of Heavy, even asks medic for advice on how to treat common baby sicknesses or just tips to how make their arrival/ first year on the world easier. Will help you around but will insist you take it easy. Will spend lazy nights or evenings talking to your belly, telling his adventures/ stories from the war or just american history ( his version tho).

Pyro

( idk how to write about them sorry chief)

Engie

-this texan will pick you up and pepper you in kisses, It isn’t a secret, his biggest dream since he was a young man was to become a father and now itll finnaly become a reality. Hell become emotional ngl, he will cry and just hold you as tight he can without hurting the baby.

-he will make from scratch everything youll ever use for the baby up to their college graduation( Engie why we need a crib with a mini-sentry?) and will baby proof the whole house/ base/ workshop. Lowkey will baby you during the pregnancy, especially the last months before the birth, he can’t believe his child will finnaly come in his life and he can’t stop spoiling you because he feels somewhat bad for the hardships of pregnancy ( morning sickness, back pain, the bby being a wannabe rodeo horse, the ussual)

Demo

-drinks a whole barrel of scrumpy after you announced that to him and passes out.

-wakes up and basically has both a panic attack and just so much joy, he has never felt that way in all of his life. Will try to stay as sober as he can druing the pregnancy, can’t have you laboring while he is vomiting like a cat in the hospitals bathroom. He can’t say he had a happy childhood neither that he was dying to become a dad, but he isn’t one to back down from the challenge. He is given the chance to make amends with his poor upbringing and ensure that the next generation of his bloodline won’t suffer like he did. Will buy lots of plushies and maybe ask advice from the people of the orphanage he was raised on how to raise a baby since his mother didnt raise him until he was a much older kid.

Heavy

-nearly dies on the spot. Family meant the world for him and now, he is finnaly able to start his own. For the first time in your relationship, he will openly cry in front of you and hold you while he is shaking with so many emotions

- phones his mother daily and basically creates a series of notepads filled with advice/old wives tales for caring for children. He already knows some basic stuff from raising his sisters but he wants to be 100% sure he will ace it. Having his father dying at a young age puted a lot of pressure in him to “grow” up and mature, so he makes his existances goal to make their childhood everything his wasnt. Que daily visits to the medic and being practically only allowed to breathe and eat, he really doesnt want anything to happen to you or your child, especially if you belong on the smaller/shorter type of people. He spends hours of his daily reading books in russian or talking to your belly and is ready to do everything to make your life easier, he will even knit baby clothes and cute blankets with small bears on them or small ines from poems on them, a bearskin baby blanket/coat is a must.

Medic

-he is no that happy tbh, he thinks hes far too old and his sperm isn’t as “strong” as itd be ifhe was younger, he has a nagging fear because of his age youll have a miscarriage or a difficult pregnancy.

-but once he saws the joy in your eyes and realise that hey, better late than never, he will try his best. He makes sure your pregnancy is smooth and does daily checkups on you and the baby, he is almost paranoid. You should help him relax or he will have a breakdown during the later months, because he is beyond terrified that somehow he will fuck up the birth and either permantly hurt you or the baby ( headcanon he will create twins, just imagine his silent mental freakout while he feels around and feels/hears two heartbeats). He needs comfort, but he will spend hours just talking to the baby about medical stuff or his experiences ( yes you will hear the skeleton story, multiple times). He isn’t a stable man, but he strives to make you and them happy so he is down to sacrifice everything he can.

Sniper

-faints when he hears the news, but scoops you up and spinns you around when hes over that initial shock.

-he is terrified and he is pretty open about it. He has barely enough social skills to speak with adults, he fears how useless hes around children.He needs constant reasurance or he will have the biggest mental breakdown he will ever have in his life. He can’t say he had shitty parents, but he also isnt a paternal man. He needs you to be the more hands on so he will feel comfortable with the idea. Engie and him will renovate the Van to have a built-in crib/bed and he will consult Medic for almos anything/ pick you up and run to medic if you feel the smallest hinge of pain. Once he feels the baby kicking or sees them on the machine ( idontrememberthenamesorry) he will cry and kiss your belly. He knows he wont be the best dad buthe will try his darnest to be the best dad he can be and provide all the love and the support for his child or children ( i lowkey see him as the type of guy who starts very insecure and then breed like a rabbit)

Spy

-oh mon fuck dieu, will faint and need medical assistance to wake up

-he thinks hes wayyy too old to have any more children, he believes ( a very common belief among the era/although somewhat debunked nowadays) that his sperm after so many decades its deffective and he doubts the pregnancy will even last that long to result to a child. But also he knows that he can’t leave another woman behind anymore, been there, done that, he’s a deadbeat many years now. He pays child support tho, but he knows all the money of the world can’t replace a father in a childs life. Furthermore his terrified of having a public family tree ( i think even if hes a fuckboy, he might was raised pretty hardcore catholic so in his head if you are to have his child and him being there for the both of you, it means he must also marry you). He has many enemies and he knows they are waiting for a chance to sink their teeth into someone that is dear to him. So he presents you a choice, either abort the baby and hell forget the whole situation happened and force medic and Engie either to create the most effective birth control, or to give him the most effective vasectomy there can be, or that you must understand he can’t stay because he doesnt want his enemies to hurt you and your child. He will come and go in your life , if you choose to keep them and send you a fat child support, but he can’t be seen with his child or have any legal documents with them. If you choose to abort, well better prepare to hold his hand while he gets his peepee pipe cut.