#itching to go into live mode with them

[euphorictrait]

gay and they™

[jillianallen14]

Dear Baby Bats - Goth Band Recommendations

As a middle sibling goth (I’ve been in the subculture for 10 years now, so not a baby bat but not an elder goth either), let me turn you on to some bands because we do not gatekeep in this house!! Also, if you want consistently good lesser-known & brand new goth band recs, go follow Awfully Sinister on TikTok and Instagram. He’s a DJ & has great recs. I've found so much music through him because it's really hard to keep up with all the new bands cropping up every year. You want to avoid the goth subreddit because they are extremely gatekeeper-y and argue over labels constantly. It’ll just confuse you, and they are not nice over there.

If you’re very new to the subculture, and you haven’t yet listened to all of Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Cure, Sisters of Mercy, Christian Death, Cocteau Twins, Clan of Xymox, Joy Division, and Depeche Mode, go do so now. You'll want to know which of them you really enjoy the most because it will help you know which sub-subgenre(s) of goth you want to watch out for, and it'll tell you what to look for to find it. For example, Sisters of Mercy is the gothic rock subgenre, Christian Death is deathrock, Cocteau Twins is ethereal wave, Clan of Xymox is like the original darkwave, Joy Division is classic post-punk, etc. I haven’t included industrial, despite its proximity to the goth subculture, just because I actually don’t really know that many industrial bands beyond Skippy Puppy, Ministry, and Throbbing Gristle. Some other goth/goth-adjacent staple bands (that are very popular and very influential) that you should listen to if you haven’t already are The Damned, Killing Joke, The Cult, and Adam and the Ants/Adam Ant). I didn't know where to put She Wants Revenge or London After Midnight either, but they're also great.

I’ve bolded some of my absolute must-listen to goth bands, and I've put monthly Spotify listeners for each band so you know which ones deserve WAY more love. And in my pre-list ramblings for each OG band, I've given you some key terms to look up so you can more easily find music that's similar to what you enjoy. Okay, here we go:

If you like Bauhaus:

Bauhaus is a hard one because honestly, nobody really sounds like them, and they aren't really that closely associated with a specific sub-subgenre of goth. They were post-punk, they were art rock, they were experimental, they were sometimes very punk and at other times very gothic rock. They liked to call themselves “dark glam rock” (all four members are massive Bowie, T-Rex, and Iggy Pop fans), but you’re gonna have a hard time finding bands that sound like them if you look that term up. They probably have one of the most unique sounds of all-time. They’re my favorite band (I even have a tattoo for them, like I am devoted lol), but even I have a difficult time finding other bands that scratch their particular itch for me. These bands I’ve listed are as close as you’re gonna get to Bauhaus’ general vibe imo.

Virgin Prunes (80’s band that is technically deathrock but has the same absolutely unhinged, danceable sound that Bauhaus has, so they’re going here; one of my favorites; no one else does it like them and no one else ever will; I would actually give my left foot to see them live); 13.2k monthly listeners (this is actually physically painful to me, how is it this low!!! don't walk, RUN to go listen to them)

Alien Sex Fiend (80’s classic unhinged goth); 77k monthly listeners

Sextile (modern band that has some very Bauhaus-sounding guitar work at times but with heavy industrial influences); 147k listeners

The Danse Society (80’s unhinged goth; has similar experimental vibes to Bauhaus imo; one of my fave goth groups); 36k listeners

Sex Beat (80’s); not even really on Spotify

Ritual Howls (modern band; I don’t know why it gives Bauhaus, but it does; one of the few modern bands that scratches that particular itch for me); 45k listeners

The Agnes Circle (modern band; one of my favorites; they have the right Bauhaus-like atmosphere for me); 52k listeners

Traitrs (I can’t explain why they remind me of Bauhaus, but they do; another one of my fave modern bands; they make me want to start levitating and doing the Ian Curtis dance in the same way Bauhaus does lol); 239k listeners

Paralisis Permanente (underrated 80’s; they have a lot in common with Bauhaus’s sound actually, def give them a try!); 54k monthly listeners

The Birthday Party (80s band, totally unhinged; they’re less dark and atmospheric than Bauhaus, but if you take one listen to their album Junkyard, you’ll know exactly why I put them under this category haha; Nick Cave is the vocalist, which is amazing); 54k listeners

Tones on Tail (80s; Daniel Ash & Kevin Haskins of Bauhaus formed this group; I’d put Love and Rockets as well, which is all of Bauhaus’s members except Peter Murphy, but Love and Rockets weirdly bears little resemblance to Bauhaus’s music; but if you just generally want more of Bauhaus members' work, Love and Rockets is great, too); 81k listeners

Dalis Car (80s; collaboration between Peter Murphy and Japan's bassist; their music is extremely weird, so only listen if you really love the batshit insane Bauhaus songs or if you really live and breathe Peter Murphy like I do lol; their description on Spotify is so fucking funny); 7k listeners

I'd also recommend listening to Daniel Ash, David J, and Peter Murphy's solo work. They're all great!! Peter also did some amazing collaborations with Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails); the version of Reptile that they did together is better than Nine Inch Nail's original version imo, and you can find that entire session on Youtube!

If you like Siouxsie and the Banshees:

Siouxsie is another one that's hard to pin down sound-wise because again, they don't really fit into one specific sub-subgenre, so all of these recs are just goth bands with female vocalists who have the same kind of powerful vocals that Siouxsie does.

Second Still (modern band, one of my faves; singer sounds a lot like Siouxsie to me at times); 69k listeners

Skeletal Family (80’s band; has the same “women in punk” vibes that Siouxsie has); 55k listeners

Xmal Deutschland (80’s band; has the same powerful vocals that Siouxsie has; makes you wanna go stupid go crazy the way the Banshees do); 73k listeners

Secret Shame (modern band w/ woman singer; has the same rage that Siouxsie songs have to me, especially early Siouxsie); 6k listeners (let's get those numbers up, folks!!!)

Rosegarden Funeral Party (modern band w/ a woman vocalist); 57k listeners

Mephisto Walz (90s & 2000s; sounds so much like the Banshees at times); 56k listeners

The Creatures (80s; a Siouxsie Sioux & Budgie side project); 34k listeners

Madhouse (listen to Repulsion! 80s group that’s technically deathrock, but I put them under this category because the singer has Siouxsie-like qualities); not really on Spotify

Strange Boutique (90s; vocalist is Monica Richards of Faith and the Muse & Madhouse; this is probably my favorite project of hers); 112k listeners

If you like Depeche Mode:

For Depeche Mode enjoyers (which DM is kind of on the fringes of what’s considered “goth,” but they’re so entrenched in the subculture that I included them anyway), you’re gonna want to delve into goth playlists and modern goth that leans towards synthpop/synthwave. So those are the kinds of playlists you’ll want to search up for similar sounds to DM.

Nuovo Testamento (modern band; combines post-punk and pop elements in a way that’s very similar to Depeche Mode; lots of fun live, and they have a good sound); 25k listeners

Boy Harsher (modern band; relies heavily on synth; feels like it should be playing at every goth club); 558k listeners

ULTRA SUNN (modern band; singer sounds like Dave Gahan); 217k listeners (they just blew up on tiktok recently, which explains why this just skyrocketed since the last time I was on their Spotify page lol; good for them, good for them, they deserve it)

Ministry's first album (called With Sympathy), which was synthwave/synthpop before they went industrial (this is one of my all-time favorite albums)

French Police (modern band); 252k listeners

Closed Tear (modern band); 152k listeners

Night Sins (modern band); 33k listeners

Panic Priest (modern band; vocals sound decently similar to Dave Gahan & there is a lot of reliance on synth; In All Severity is a gorgeous song); 5k listeners

Fad Gadget (underrated 80’s; I just feel like if you like DM, you’re also gonna like Fad Gadget); 58k listeners

Martin Dupont (underrated 80s cold wave/synth pop; Inside Out is one of my favorite 80s songs); 26k listeners

If you like The Cure:

You'll be hard-pressed to find a goth band that wasn't influenced by The Cure, so I really can't give you any key terms for what to look up lol. They also changed their sound so frequently that it entirely depends on what era of The Cure's music you're looking to find similar music for.

Vision Video (modern band; combines post-punk and pop elements like The Cure does; one of my fave modern goth bands; they are INCREDIBLE live); 52k listeners (I'm gonna need y'all to get a song or two of theirs to blow up on tiktok expeditiously lol)

Urban Heat (modern band; great live); 36k listeners

The Chameleons (80’s band; very underrated; they are also very good live); 167k listeners

House of Harm (modern band, very new; also very good live; has pop elements); 44k listeners

Deceits (modern band, another very new one); 28k listeners (it's crazy how much this number has grown the past two months because it was in the single thousands not that long ago; everyone say thank you, tiktok)

Drab Majesty (modern band; their instrumentals remind me of The Cure); 172k listeners

Double Echo (modern band, one of my faves; their instrumentals also remind me of The Cure); 15k listeners (let's get these numbers up!!!)

The Bolshoi (underrated 80’s band that combines new wave and goth elements in a similar way to The Cure); 114k listeners

The Essence (underrated 80s band that sounds so much like The Cure it’s actually insane, but they’ve got their own sound too; they’re like a perfect blend of all of The Cure’s different sounds); 25k monthly listeners

The Glove (80s; a Robert Smith side project with Steven Severin from Siouxsie and the Banshees); 25k listeners

Crimson Ivy (80s band; singer sounds so a lot like a more yelly version of Robert Smith sometimes); not on Spotify

Miss Teen America (brand new band from NYC! They only have one single out right now, and it’s well worth listening to); 940 monthly listeners (y’all know what to do!!! Let’s get those numbers up, up, up!) link to their single: https://open.spotify.com/album/4nvdZeUVLLrMv3tEziCqm7?si=2WVS7-eYQLGR7Id3wLiKhg

If you like Clan of Xymox:

Most of these bands will be modern ones because Clan of Xymox was honestly way ahead of their time. (They are also amazing live, so go see them before they eventually call it quits!) For playlists that are full of their vibe, you’re gonna want to look up “darkwave” playlists. Clan of Xymox pioneered darkwave, so any darkwave band you listen to is gonna be influenced by their sound in some way or another.

Harsh Symmetry (modern, very new; very heavily relies on synth); 29k listeners

Ssleeping Desiress (modern band; instrumentals similar to Xymox); 55k listeners

Twin Tribes (probably my favorite modern goth band; they are fucking incredible and so good live!); 276k listeners

ACTORS (modern band; heavily relies on synth); 86k listeners

Mareux (modern; heavily relies on synth); 4.8 million listeners (this is wild!!!! everyone say thank you, tiktok)

Sixth June (modern); 23k listeners

Plastique Noir (modern); 40k listeners

Rendez Vous (modern); 160k listeners

Minuit Machine (modern); 97k listeners

The Frozen Autumn (90s & 2000s); 31k listeners

If you like Christian Death:

All of these recs will be deathrock recs or goth bands that heavily leaned on punk sounds. So if CD is the OG goth band you’re most fond of, you’re gonna want to delve into deathrock playlists for similar sounds.

Asylum Party (80’s band); not on spotify

45 Grave (80’s band); 47k listeners

Voodoo Church (80’s band; probably my favorite out of this bunch; I actually like them more than Christian Death); 7k listeners (let's get these numbers up immediately!!!!)

Ausgang (80’s band); 2k listeners (WHAT; they deserve so much more, damn)

Corpus Delicti (90’s band; they are very good; they sound the least like Christian Death on this list imo); 26k listeners

13th Chime (80’s band; very underrated); 6k listeners

UK Decay (you know, I actually don’t know what era they’re from; unhinged sound); 1k listeners (omg)

Super Heroines (underrated 80’s band; Eva O formed it); 2k listeners (you see what I meant about underrated?)

Specimen (80s band; this one could have just as easily gone under Bauhaus tbh, but the vocals are generally higher pitched than Peter Murphy’s, so I put them under this category); 102k listeners

Sex Gang Children (80’s band; just so unhinged & I love them for it); 27k listeners

Suspiria (90s, I think? I don’t actually know); barely on Spotify but 27k listeners

Theatre of Hate (80s); 7k listeners

Bloody Dead and Sexy (2000s, I think); 44k listeners

Mescaline Babies (2000s); 3k listeners

Acid Bats (2000s; Mexican band with Spanish lyrics); 2k listeners

Altar de Fey (80s band; formed in San Francisco!!); 23k listeners

Twisted Nerve (80s band; classified as “gothic punk,” so I felt this was the best category for them; they’re great; their sound also reminds me of early Siouxsie and the Banshees and Killing Joke); 2.5k listeners

Play Dead (80s); 8k listeners

Limbo (underrated 80s; if you like Bauhaus & Virgin Prunes as well, you’re gonna like this band); 413 listeners

If you like Cocteau Twins:

Cocteau Twins’ early sound is usually categorized as “ethereal wave” goth, so those are the playlists you’ll want to look up if you enjoy their early sound. If you like their later sound, you’re gonna want to lean more towards shoegaze for similar vibes. Admittedly, ethereal wave is one of the goth subgenres that I know the least about, so I’m not gonna be much help here.

Dead Can Dance (80’s band; NO one, and I mean NO ONE, was doing it like Dead Can Dance; so fun to dance to in the goth club); 332k listeners

Lycia (90’s band; their music is very transcendent); 20k listeners

Linea Aspera (modern band; gorgeous woman vocals; honestly, their music is just very beautiful); 67k listeners

This Mortal Coil (formed in the 80s; some songs feature Elizabeth Fraser & Robin Guthrie from Cocteau Twins, but even the ones that don’t still have an ethereal vibe similar to CT; Sixteen Days/Gathering Dust is just like the best song ever); 310k listeners

Autumn's Grey Solace (2000s); 62k listeners

Faith and the Muse; (90s); 22k listeners

This Ascension (90s); 4k listeners

Strawberry Switchblade (80s); 400k listeners

If you like Joy Division:

All of these bands will be ones that sound very classically post-punk, so those are the playlists to search out; emphasis on "classic" because post-punk is a very broad term that gets applied to a lot of music. I would argue that Joy Division has had the most influence out of all the OG goth bands on the current goth sound/goth renaissance we're going through right now, so there are a LOT of bands out there for you if you’re a JD fan.

Molchat Doma (modern band); 2.5 million listeners (wow lol, they've grown so much over the past two years, it's actually insane; good for them)

Soviet Soviet (modern band); 152k listeners

Fearing (modern band; very good live); 30k listeners

Ploho (modern band); 146k listeners

Pink Turns Blue (criminally underrated 80’s band; they are SO good live); 98k listeners (this is an actual travesty, this band is way too good to not even be in the hundred thousands)

The Sound (another incredibly underrated 80’s band); 119k listeners

This Cold Night (modern; has the deep vocals of Joy Division and the driving bass but more stripped back than JD); 150k listeners

Bleib Modern (modern; has very similar vocals to Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, which is a band listed under the Sisters of Mercy section of this post, so if you end up liking this band, you should also listen to Red Lorry Yellow Lorry & vice versa); 36k listeners

Lebanon Hanover (modern; has the existential angst that Joy Division always ignites in me but more stripped back); 936k listeners (this is crazy, holy shit!!!!!! go, Lebanon Hanover, go!!)

She Past Away (modern; deep vocals); 226k listeners

Belgrado (modern; woman vocals!); 18k listeners (they deserve better than this!!)

Leonora Post Punk (modern; Mexican goth band w/ Spanish vocals! They’re amazing! They have those deep vocals you want when you’re looking for a similar sound to Joy Division); 56k listeners

O. Children (modern; has the deep vocals & interesting bass lines that Joy Division was known for; great band); 29k listeners

If you like Sisters of Mercy:

This is one of my least favorite goth subcategories, which is odd because I actually love Sisters. But if you’re looking for a lot of music that sounds like SoM, I’d suggest delving into the 90’s and early 2000’s goth music scene. Search out those playlists. A lot of the 90s and 2000s goth bands were very derivative of Sisters of Mercy.

Rosetta Stone (90’s band); 54k listeners

Miazma (modern); 10k listeners

Red Lorry Yellow Lorry (another criminally underrated 80’s band; one of my fave goth bands); 40k listeners (THEY!! DESERVE!! BETTER!!)

Dreamtime (modern); 65 listeners (ouch lol, please go show them some love)

Fields of the Nephilim (80’s, I think; if you’re a metalhead, you’ll probably appreciate this band); 95k listeners

The Merry Thoughts (80s); 19k listeners

The March Violets (underrated 80s; might be a controversial opinion to put them under SoM, but I’m standing by it); 69k listeners

Horror Vacui (modern; it’s kind of a stretch putting them here tbh, but I couldn’t figure out what other category to put them under); 44k listeners

The Sisterhood (spin-off Sisters of Mercy group that was formed by goth king Andrew Eldritch himself); 3k listeners

The Mission (formed by former Sisters of Mercy members; Wasteland by them was actually one of the first songs to get me into goth music); 180k listeners

Eyes of the Nightmare Jungle (late 80s & 90s; every time a song by them comes on, I’m convinced it’s a Sisters song until the singer starts singing lol); 13k listeners

Ex-Voto (formed in 1982, but most of their albums on Spotify came out in the 2000s; this band is like if Fields of Nephilim had a baby with Clan of Xymox & then sprinkled some industrial techniques in); 6k listeners

Also, if you want a 1500-song, 105-hour goth playlist that’s constantly growing, here you go. The name of it is a dig at my ex lol: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6jCV530pMmOEmDHj4CLNka?si=cEVKiyAwQpaieGiV2pMyqw

[alchemistc]

Catie's Big Ass bucktommy fic rec (Part One)

So I'm not gonna lie, I have most of these fics priv. bookmarked because I HAVEN'T COMMENTED ON THEM YET AND I FEEL REALLY GUILTY ABOUT THAT. But more than one anon has asked for this and it tickles me pink that y'all like my writing enough to trust in my recs. So. Please, please, be better than I am and make sure to kudos and comment if you enjoy any of these works.

(Guys, there are SO MANY amazing writers in this fandom. So many truly breathtaking fics already. I got two hours into this and realized I was going to need to split this into parts because I have too many things to say about each of these and I want to do them all justice.)

Writers you can trust in:

@rcmclachlan /ao3 : I will sing RC's praises to the moon and back. There is something about the way RC injects humor into the tiniest of lines that makes me want to scream into a pillow until I pass out. You will see more than one of RC's fics in this list.

@kirkaut /ao3: kirkaut is the reason I jumped on this bandwagon. The unhinged spiral into LFJr obsession and the prevalence of well thought out meta and incredibly hot fic drew me in. If you are not following kirkaut, change that now.

@26-cats-in-a-trenchcoat / catfud_ohplease on ao3: Devastating prose. The ability to turn a theme on a dime and STAB YOU IN THE HEART with it. Mac owns my whole soul when it comes to really scratching that itch behind my eyelids for thematic imagery and really creative ideas for fic that aren't just run-of-the-mill smut/angst/fluff.

@devirnis / ao3: Ali only has one bucktommy fic up on ao3 but it is devine and I love it. Ali is also the only writer who has tempted me into reading buddie. This is not an indictment on buddie fandom or buddie fic writers in general, I just tend to be a one ship kinda gal and I don't really dive into fic for a ship I don't vibe with. Ali's writing has made me reconsider this position.

@beefcakekinard / thingbe on ao3: The domesticity. Literally just reread one of Rose's fics this morning and HAD to comment on it again because it made me want to fling myself to Jupiter.

(This is not a comprehensive list, but I just realized how many fics I have already bookmarked for bucktommy and I'm already under a readmore.)

Fics that make my brain go brrrr:

only fools rush in - somnum365 ( @firehose118)

Tommy lets Buck set the pace. Buck is ready for something.

Super hot and all about checking in. I've got a thing for discovering sex with a partner starting out with frottage and this delivers. The characterizations are so great.

Colin Firth Thinks You're Hot - IDontGoHereEither (@herrmannhalsteadproduction)

Buck is late for a special date night with Tommy, but he still stops to help a stranger stuck on the side of the road. Luckily, that stranger is about to help HIM.

Cute as fuck with a super fun guest star. Who doesn't want Mr. Darcy to think your boyfriend is hot?

sad girl poetic thursday night - screamlet

Date night menu: pasta primavera and emotional unpacking.

There's something about the pacing of this that sent me into a tailspin. The stream of consciousness that actually bleeds from the dialogue into the action and vice versa. Hng.

I Was Only Falling In Love - Princessfbi (@princessfbi)

Tommy in crisis mode.

There's a moment in this fic where Eddie has to pull Tommy back from the precipice of something and it lives entirely rent free in my head, forever and ever amen. The firefam taking care of Buck by taking care of Tommy.

let me count the ways - ashesandhalefire

Buck and Tommy in the aftermath of a good evening are chattier than they probably reasonably should be

There is something about this fic that feels like the witching hour is upon you, like you could live in this little pocket world Buck and Tommy have created for themselves forever. The dialogue is fantastic, and the way they communicate with each other is just *chefs kiss*

let's make it cinematic - kirkaut

Tommy helps Buck deal with some of his impotent rage in the face of the Gerrard of it all.

Listen, I do not have a praise kink. This kinda makes me wish I did.

"[...]Everything is.” He circles a finger around in the air. “It’s very spinny.” - this line of dialogue came for my fucking throat.

Sick with it - Mellow_Yellow

what if in an alternate universe babyslut Buck joined the 118 when Tommy was still in his closeted asshole era and they had a torrid affair??

The way this is a little fucked up. The way the characterizations aren't exactly familiar because they haven't aged into what we know them as in current canon. The way you can see in every broken line and every stutter step that Tommy is falling for Evan and has No Fucking Idea what to do with that. Ugh. Best Met Earlier AU I've ever read.

He blinked as Tommy walked by, eyes sliding closed again before he left. He felt a light touch on the top of his head but figured he was imagining it. He couldn’t think of anyone at the 118 who would touch him that carefully. - just absolutely fucking end me they're so good/bad for each other

A Full Body Workout - Persiflager

Tommy and Buck spend a day trying to distract Eddie from the *gestures vaguely* all of it.

The way this is so quiet in the way it shows you how Tommy and Buck care for each other. The way they are down bad but still so hyperaware of the pace they've set, the things they've talked about. The way they take care of their friend here. I'm obsessed with the tone of this one. Also, as a general theme, nothing draws me in more than well thought out dialogue, and this one has some fucking GREAT dialogue.

Your love is better than ice cream - Cecily_v, liminalmemories

An alternative meet-cute, where-in Tommy doesn’t know the 118 and decides Buck is worth it anyway. Buck is confused but figures some things out.

There is so much I love about this AU. How they meet. How their relationship progresses. How it feels glacially slow in comparison to the canon storyline but also how in character they both are. The foundation of their love in this fic is downright eatable.

just couldn't fall til we met - thingbe (@beefcakekinard)

Buck and Tommy spend a quiet morning in together.

This is the one that crossed my dash earlier today and made me eat fucking glass on reread. The closeness. The way they're both so tactile. The blink and you'll miss it hints at a life being built together. Eating this UP every time I read it.

The Premium Twunk Appreciation Society, President: Tommy Kinard - everythingremainsconnected

5 times Tommy almost faints like a Victorian maiden at the sight of Buck’s flesh, and 1 time he can do something about it.

“Hey,” Evan said, shoving Eddie out of the way and filling the screen with his playful glare, “organise bro time on your own time, I’m on the phone with– with Tommy.”

“With who?” Eddie repeated. Tommy didn’t need to see his face to hear the fondness in the mocking. “Who’s on the phone? I didn’t quite catch that.”

- They are so stupid about each other in this fic, please read it and watch steam blow out your ears at how sweet and hot and down bad for each other they are.

desire (i want to turn into you) - chthonicheart

The first time Buck’s really able to bury his face between a man’s tits, he nearly cries.

pwp but with a whole heaping of character study. HOT.

rule four (you were only waiting for this moment to arise) - middyblue (daisyblaine) [@middyblue]

Tommy has doubts.

There is a general mood to this piece that feels heavy in a way I can't quite explain. There was a weight on my chest all the way through this in the BEST way possible. The way Tommy navigates his mind and struggles to trust the little slice of peace he and Buck have carved out is just mindbogglingly beautiful.

Come Fly The Friendly Skies - RC_McLachlan (@rcmclachlan)

Buck meets their rescue mission's would-be pilot and is extremely normal about it.

"Throttling is what I'm gonna do to you if you don't shut up and let the nice man steal a helicopter for us,"

WHEN I TELL YOU I AM INCANDESCENT WITH RAGE over how funny and insightful this fic is.

Every characterization is picture perfect.

Maddie gives great hugs, but she's so small; if she had this guy's build and could basically fold Buck into her like an old blanket, they'd have to pry him out of her arms with the jaws of life.

In the back of Buck's mind, in a place he hasn't discovered, he's already picked out a venue and chosen his centerpieces. He's mentally putting together seating arrangements. This line of Buck's thoughts on Tommy Kinard told me so.

Please read this and join me in trying to destroy RC with my mind (lovingly).

little by little - MediaWhore

Buck & Tommy, during and after the wedding.

There is something so soft and gentle about this fic. The way Tommy just gives in to the exhaustion and props himself up against Buck because he knows he'll be able to take the weight (he wants to take the weight and Tommy knows it). The quiet flirting, the way they take care of one another. The jumpscare of Marge and Phil and how this fic is right at the edges of exploring that but Buck has me important priorities.

“It was badly done,” - the way this is so in character for Ma Buckley and the way it made me want to SHAKE HER TIL HER TENDONS SHATTERED AND SHE CRUMBLED LIKE A SATISFYING CASINO IMPLOSION

Soft and heartbreaking and mending all at once.

while you arranged flowers - newtkelly

Buck’s got a wedding date, but as far as today goes, he’s also got a regular one.

The way I want to wrap this Buck up tenderly and hide him from the people in his life who DON'T DESERVE HIS AFFECTION, HIS LOVE, HIS JOY.

The non-urgency of this, the absolute too-much-too-soon he's dealing with in his own mind while he grapples with the reality of seizing a second chance with both hands and getting to explore himself within the confines of a very lovely, very sweet and kind, VERY HOT man he wants to get on his knees for.

Beautiful prose, excellent dialogue, an insightful character study.

[kaydens-agere]

caregiver logan little wade headcanons im actually begging

Caregiver Logan Howlett/Wolverine and Regressing Wade Wilson/Deadpool Headcanons!!

Headcanons below the cut!! Thank you so much for the request, I had sm fun writing these :D This does have a bit of swearing so if you're uncomfortable with that, please proceed with caution or don't read!!

⚔️-Wade was surprisingly open about it with him when they first met, he didn't go into too much detail, but he just kinda said "yeah I regress sometimes when bad shit happens." and left it at that. Logan didn't push it because he knows it can be a sensitive topic (as a secret little himself)

❤️-It first happened with Logan after the party after saving their universe. After everyone left, he ended up dropping from the exhaustion. Logan immediately fell into "dad mode" as Wade likes to call it, pampering him constantly and keeping him safe.

⚔️-Logan was very surprised by Wade's... colourful language while he's little. Logan half expected him to act the complete opposite of how he normally does. But no, he's still Wade. And he still has quite the mouth.

❤️-Logan is extremely gentle while Wade is small, often scooping him up and peppering him with kisses. Wade absolutely loves it, it always sends him into a fit of giggles.

⚔️-Logan has an abundance of nicknames he likes using for Wade. Some of them include bub (obviously), kid/kiddo, baby, his kit, etc. Sometimes he'll call him a little shit, but it's said playfully and Wade knows he's joking (that's nothing compared to the insults that Wade can throw at him).

❤️-Wade starts inviting him to his tea parties. They spend a lot of time on the living room floor with his many tea sets, talking about the latest gossip among Wade's plushies. Al will join in when she's home.

⚔️-Heres how the tea parties normally go: "Mary started yelling at Chrissy the other day." "Oh yeah, bub? Whys that?" "Because Chrissy was cheating on her boyfriend!" "Oh, motherfucker. I knew something was up with her."

❤️-Logan often takes Wade to the park, or just big open areas to run around in, he either starts dragging Logan around with him or forces him to play tag. He has a lot of energy that he needs to get out, and it's hard to do that when he's cramped up in the small apartment. They always take Mary Puppins with them.

⚔️-Sometimes Wade will struggle with his scars when he's small, physically and mentally. Sometimes they'll burn and itch and it's a lot harder to deal with when he's tiny, so all he can do is curl up and cry. However, Logan always seems to know what to do, he'll always run him a nice warm bubble bath to ease the pain. If he's struggling mentally, it's usually him thinking that he's too ugly or scary to be loveable. Once again, Logan is there. This time, he'll offer lots of reassurance, cuddles and kisses all over his scars, which will usually make him feel a bit better.

❤️-Wade is an absolute spoiled brat, and Logan definitely feeds into it, no matter how hard he tries not to. If they're at a toy store, Wade will show him a toy he really likes, and if Logan says no, you best believe that Wade will throw a tantrum until he gets it (He always does. Logan's not proud of it, but he hates seeing his baby cry).

⚔️-Wade calls Logan "Papa" whenever he's small. It shocked him when it first happened, he didn't think he was worthy of that title. Logan definitely did not have to have a cry in the bathroom after that. /s

❤️-Logan can have doubts sometimes about whether he's doing a good enough job or whether he's even worthy enough to be trusted that much by someone. Whenever Wade senses this, he'll draw him a bunch of pictures and give him plenty of kisses and tell him that he's the best papa in the world, which makes Logan feel all warm and fuzzy.

⚔️-Logan rubs his head on Wade's a lot, it's his way of "scenting" him. He wants everyone to know that Wade is his baby, no one else's. It's comforting for Wade as well, he likes the sensation of his papa's fluffy cat hair rubbing against his face.

[mortish-writes]

[Play Bride of Shadows for Free] [Patreon Edition]

The Patreon for Bride of Shadows is live! All that whinging yesterday and it only took a few hours for them to approve it.

What's in The Nightborn Edition?

Right now, not a lot of extra stuff apart from Night V of the Zealot route. When I started writing Bride of Shadows, my aim was to avoid paywalling the story. I know from experience that there's no better time for romantic escapism than when you don't have money. So instead of clipping Bound/Unbound modes from the free version or stopping it after x amount of nights, I opted to make a version with early releases and fan-chosen extras. Each month, we're going to have polls on things like additional tendencies, story branches, and features that will be exclusive to The Nightborn Edition. Your version will have a lot of extra choices and even a few unique story lines.

I took the liberty of adding one much-requested feature to the new edition, and that is a brand new Bound Mode which has an MFM-poly story line and an optional Valdricht only route*. In this mode, Valdricht and Serax will have a platonic maker/progeny relationship. Starting in Night VI or VII (depending on your route) Bound mode players will be able to choose whether to try to juggle the passions of both ROs, or go deep down the Valdricht rabbit hole. Or you can make two save games and do both.

This Sunday we'll have our first poll relating to some baby stuff and I'll be posting an excerpt. Apart from that, I'll be pretty hands-off for the next few days as I focus on finishing the Heretic Night V route. As soon as that is done and edited, it'll be added to The Nightborn Edition as an early release. Then we'll have some polls that will let you shape Night VI and the upcoming NSFW content. I'm dying to write the NSFW Zealot scenes.

The extra content aside, the Patreon will go a long way toward helping me to write Bride of Shadows full-time, which means more content, more quickly, for everyone.

What if I can't/don't want to subscribe to Patreon?

The Nightborn Edition will be available on Steam once the Bride of Shadows IF is complete. I don't have a date on that, it will be dependent on whether I'll be able to write full-time this year. If there is a subscription service similar to Patreon that works in your country, let me know and I'll see about setting up an account.

For everyone else, the free Bride of Shadows updates will be one week after each Patreon update. They'll still have all the content I'd initially planned, including the NSFW stuff!

I donated on Ko-Fi, can I have a free month?

You sure can! In fact, I've already sent messages to everyone who gave a Ko-Fi donation. You should have a link waiting for you that will give you one or more free months of Darksinger membership, depending on how much you donated. If the value of your free months doesn't meet or exceed the amount of your Ko-Fi donation, let me know because I may have sent you the wrong link. Likewise, if you didn't get a message, let me know. I might still use Ko-Fi in the future, either for alternate memberships or goal funding, but for the time being Patreon isn't as temperamental with payments and NSFW content so I'll be focusing on that.

I am one of the two people who donated on Itch.

First of all, you're wonderful. Second, feel free to message me for a link to a free month of the Patreon or the March Nightborn password if you aren't able to do Patreon.

The Patreon page looks so boring and plain.

I KNOW! But I'm not allowed to make it look pretty until I finish Heretic Night V and the new Elovyr map. It's a rule I made because I know I'll sink at least a full day into making it look fancy. Also, The Nightborn Edition store page is basically identical to the regular game. It's driving me insane, too, but that's gotta wait. Writing always comes first.

Final Note

Please remember that the new edition is a work-in-progress and that the extra content will be added as patrons begin voting on it. Right now, it's very similar to the free version, with only the new Zealot night and some hidden variables. The Heretic route is under construction to make some updates for the new Bound mode and will not be playable until the Heretic Night V update next week.

Thanks for reading and supporting my writing. Even if you aren't able to subscribe to Patreon, I appreciate you just following me, chatting about the story, and sharing it with others who might enjoy it. I am grateful every day to be able to write and share Bride of Shadows with you.

-Mortish

*I hear you barking. I know you want a Serax-only route. Maybe it can be a thing later. I kind of have an idea of how we can make it work. Give me some time to think it through. I don't want to promise any story routes until I know 100% that they'll work in the context of the broader plot and that they'll be satisfying.

[cillianmesoftlyyy]

Sweet Revenge | Tom (The Party) x fem!reader

Summary: Tom is acting strange and it doesn't take long for a friend to notice while at a party celebrating their mutual friend's political victory. When she steps in to question him about it, she learns more than she thought she would... but it makes their ride in the elevator a little more interesting.

Warnings: Infidelity (from multiple characters), drug use, dubious consent, semi-public sex, smut, p in v, guns, mentions of attempted murder, revenge.

word count: 3386k

Nothing Matters- The Last Dinner Party 🎶

Personal Jesus- Depeche Mode 🎵

Note: Sorry I disappeared for so long! I was dealing with some things and had to put Cillian to the side. I've missed this awesome community! I hope you all still remember me lol.

Please read warnings before continuing, thanks!

She heard about the election on the news that afternoon. Saying that she was ecstatic was an understatement. In fact, the moment she heard that Janet won (as she assumed she would) she dressed quickly and arrived at the celebratory party early. She fixed the bunched up fabric on her thigh and scratched an itch beneath the collar around her neck. She raised her fist to knock on the door when the elevator doors pinged and she turned. Tom stumbled out of the elevator, slightly disheveled and sweaty. When he noticed her he ran his hand through his hair and sniffed loudly, his eyes rolling over to meet hers. 

“Tom?” She smiled, her tone friendly and soft. Her eyes traveled up his body, dressed in a dark tailored suit. 

Tom cleared his throat before responding, strangely breathless. “Hello.” He looked behind him at the empty elevator and debated going back inside. The doors slid closed and he turned back dejectedly like a child caught in a crime. 

“You’re here early too,” she rubbed the top of her shoe down her leg, an anxious gesture. 

“Right, right… it's early. Maybe I should come back later.” He muttered beneath his breath and jabbed at the elevator call button. 

“I’m sure it's alright. I’m here early too,” she studied his nervous posture and the way his eyes darted between the hallway’s walls, anywhere but her face. “Where’s Marianne?” 

His face twitched at the mention of his wife’s name. His shirt was sticky against his skin and he wanted to leave. This was a mistake. 

“She’s coming later, told me to go ahead.” He sniffed loudly again and jerked his finger at the door behind her. “Have you already knocked?” His dark hair fell into his eyes where crow’s feet gathered. 

“No, I was just about to.” 

The elevator door opened with a second ping. Tom looked at the open doors and back to her. “Fuck all,” he cursed beneath his breath and met her at the door to Janet’s apartment. She resisted the urge to smell him, though his cologne wandered easily the short distance to her nose (notes of bergamot and spice). 

“Are you alright, Tom?” She asked cautiously and watched as his left hand flexed. He clenched his jaw and forced out a laugh. 

“Never better,” he rang the doorbell and waited anxiously as his heart raced in his chest. Janet opened the door and greeted them with overwhelming excitement. Tom’s resolve weakened and he struggled to remain level headed as he greeted his wife’s friend. This was not how it was originally supposed to go but he still had time… 

Janet invited them into the apartment and talked with her as Tom excused himself with a shaky smile. As soon as the door was closed behind him, he removed his jacket and checked the holsters on either side of his body, draped over his shoulders. Sweat pooled on his shirt and he fanned his hands over it, hoping it would dry. 

The girl watched the bathroom door while keeping a polite smile on her face for Janet who was retelling the events of the day. Loud music erupted from the speakers in the living room and she jumped, her hair standing on end for a brief moment. 

“That’s Bill, will you excuse me for a moment?” Janet wiped her hands on the front of her apron and disappeared into the next room. Her conversation with her husband was muffled by the music. She looked once again at the bathroom door and wiped her clammy hands on her forearms. There was something different about Tom and it irked her, not knowing what was going on. She was closest in age to Tom and Marianne and considered them her friends, though she didn’t actually know them well. She knew, however, that Tom had a problem with coke, all of the finance boys did. His attitude was stranger than usual, more paranoid and jumpy. The music quieted and Janet returned, humming happily to herself. As soon as she did, the doorbell rang and she spun around, clapping her hands excitedly. 

Tom splashed his face with cold water and let it run down his neck, far below his collar. He shivered beneath the water’s temperature and looked up into the medicine cabinet’s mirror. He imagined Bill in the next room, smugly splayed out in his old recliner. He imagined how good it would feel to shoot him, to get revenge against the man that defiled his wife. His wife. Anger flashed in his eyes and he bit down on the sleeve of his suit jacket, screaming silently into the fabric. He heard the doorbell ring and jumped, his heart dropped painfully into his stomach. He checked the gun in his holster for the fiftieth time that day, counting the round of bullets in the chamber. He waited until the new guests moved further into the apartment before leaving the bathroom. 

The girl watched Tom leave the bathroom and pause just before the door frame into the living room. His stomach quivered beneath his dress shirt as he breathed heavily. When she noticed him spin his wedding around his finger in an anxious instinct, she averted her eyes and flushed. He spun right around and went back into the bathroom. She followed him with her eyes, brows furrowed in extreme distress. 

Tom closed the door again and rubbed his face with his shaking hands. He rummaged through his pockets and retrieved a vial of white powder (coke… obvi). Yes, he had a problem. Obviously. Tom wiped the edge of the sink clean with his elbow and shook powder from the vial onto the surface. He arranged the powder in a line and did the line, shaking his head and sitting back against the rim of the bathtub. A smudge of powder stayed on his upper lip, providing evidence of what he’d done. He knocked his knuckles against the soft sides of his head and tried to regain control. He just needed to act normal, go into the living room and be fucking normal. He wiped away the traces of coke on the sink and fixed his hair in the mirror, trying to slick the greased strands back over his head. 

The girl twirled the cord of her necklace around her finger, her eyes stuck on the bathroom door. She jumped again when the door slammed open and Tom stumbled out, his pupils dilated and his eyes crazed. Tom bounded for the doorway into the living room and stopped abruptly. He walked back and forth, muttering beneath his breath as he did. 

“Tom?” She approached him carefully. Her voice startled him from his erratic state. He licked his lips nervously. 

“I forgot something in my car,” Tom blurted out and spun around a last time, walking quickly to the car. She followed him immediately, her eyes trained on the width of his shoulders. 

“I’ll go with you,” she insisted with a backwards glance at the living room, loud with guests. Tom didn’t respond as he made wide strides to the elevator doors. His breath was heavy and hard as he punched the call button and looked down at her, standing at his side. 

“What are you doing?” He asked. 

“I’m going with you.” She answered apprehensively. Tom cleared his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. 

“You don’t need to do that,” his eyes flicked back at the apartment door. When the elevator doors opened he sighed, debating what to do. He knew better than to go back into the apartment. He’d have to come back another time. She followed him into the elevator and pressed the lobby button for him, her ears growing hot. Tom coughed into his closed fist and started to sweat as the doors closed. 

“Is everything alright, Tom?” She asked him directly as the doors closed and the elevator sunk below the floor. 

“Fine. Fine.” He avoided eye contact and put his hands on his hips, the crotch of his pants bunching around his thighs. He looked up at the floor numbers flashing across the screen above the doors. 

“You don’t seem fine, Tom. What the hell were you doing in there just now?” She raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms. Tom groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“I’ve just had a long day.”

“Just one?” She asked him with a grunt. “You look like you haven’t slept in days… plural.” 

“Bitch.” Tom snapped and crossed his arms, mirroring her. 

The elevator jolted suddenly and the lights flickered. They stopped their bickering for a moment. She noticed the floor number had stopped at three. The buttons for each floor flashed across the board. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” Tom repeated frustratedly and jabbed at the buttons. 

“Stop, you’ll make it worse.” She slapped his hands away and he groaned, resting his head against the wall of the elevator. 

“It’s stuck,” he mumbled and she nodded, her lips falling into a nervous frown. 

“Yes, it appears so.” She studied the buttons and jabbed at the one labeled “call.” 

Hello? The operator answered after a few seconds. 

“Hello, hi. We’re stuck in the elevator.”

I’ll call the fire department and maintenance. There might be a delay due to the parade traffic but we should have you out soon. Call again if anything happens.

“Damn, it sounds like we’ll be in here for a while.” 

“Fuck, just my fucking luck.” 

“You say fuck a lot,” she laughed off some of her discomfort. 

“Fuck you,” Tom added disheartedly. 

She moved back into a corner of the elevator and watched as Tom leaned into the wall, his breath fogging up the gold aluminum wall. 

“You might as well tell me what it is, now that we’ll be here for a while.” She looked down at her shoes and cleared her throat. “Just tell me,” she urged him but Tom only rolled his eyes, the reflection of it projected back at her. 

“Is it the coke?” She tried and Tom laughed. 

“You think I’m like this because of the coke?”

“You’re not giving me any other reason.” She shrugged and Tom turned to face her. 

“That’s not the reason.” 

“You have some of it left above your lip there,” she gestured to her top lip and Tom wiped his mouth quickly with his sleeve.

Tom sighed and slid down the wall into a crouching position, his hands clasped together in front of his face. He exhaled deeply and looked at the opposite wall, away from her. 

“I found out the other day that Marianne has been cheating on me.” His voice wavered as he spoke. 

“What?” She gasped softly. 

He twisted the wedding ring on his finger and chuckled darkly. 

“It’s been going on for months.” 

“Do you know who they are? The person that she’s cheating with?” She asked slowly, her brows furrowed and her heart beating quickly. 

“Yes,” he answered again with a chuckle, his voice pained. “She’s been fucking Bill.” 

“Bill?!” She slapped a hand across her mouth. “Her advisor? Bill’s cheating on Janet? What the fuck?!” The words all fell out of her mouth. Tom shook his head and with one angry movement chucked his wedding ring across the elevator at the opposite wall. The small piece of metal bounced off the wall with a sharp noise and settled between them on the floor. 

“So you were going to confront him?” She asked, everything coming together. 

He nodded and without warning, started to sob. She immediately knelt beside Tom and patted his back awkwardly. Tom, rather comedically, collapsed into her chest, his hands grappling at her sides. Her heart began to race as his face inched closer to her breast. Her hands shaked as she combed his hair (heavy with product) out of his eyes. 

“He stole my wife! He stole my wife,” he cried against her chest. 

“I’m sorry, Tom. I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she carded her fingers through his hair. The texture of his warm skin beneath her fingertips distracted her. The smell of his expensive cologne and hair product flooded her system. She resisted the urge to lick the scent from his neck, taut with tendons. Geez, she was a creep. Tom’s baby-like tears stained her shirt and made the material stick to the skin below. 

“Does Marianne know that you know?” She tried to focus herself back on the situation. 

“No, I saw it on her phone,” he hiccuped pitifully. “They’ve been fucking in my bed, our bed!” 

She shushed him softly as he started to cry again. His manic sobs racked his thick and muscular body. 

“Are you going to divorce her?” She whispered and Tom shook his head softly.

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” 

Tom pulled away and laid his head back against the elevator wall. She could make out all of the freckles and sun spots across his high cheekbones. She sighed as she reached a hand to his face and swept a tear away from his jaw. Tom turned his clear blue eyes to her’s. His wide lips quivered slightly as he panted from all of his emotions. 

“What she and Bill did is inexcusable, Tom. She doesn’t deserve you if she thinks this casually unfaithful behavior is ok.” She was on her knees now, her thighs flexed beneath her dress. 

Tom’s eye traveled up her body, starting on her fleshy thighs. She watched him curiously. Was he doing what she thought he was? Was he checking her out? Tom’s hand rose from the floor beside him and moved to her knee. 

“Y/N…” he whispered pitifully. Her heart fluttered in her chest and she nearly choked on her own exhale. His thumb rubbed circles into her exposed skin. She knew that she shouldn’t but what more harm could it do? Tom wanted to get back at his wife and she wanted to be fucked by Tom. Win/win situation- no, stop it. Don’t look at me like that! It’s totally ethical. Besides, the way his body leaned into her brought about a powerful force of attraction between them. The streaks of graying hair caught the fluorescent light like plastic rhinestones. 

She leaned forward, into his mouth and exhaled softly against his lips. Tom kissed her first, capturing her lips into a harsh kiss. She kissed him back and tugged gently at the roots of his hair. He moaned excitedly around her lips. Words failed them as they kissed. Their hands spoke softly to each other, begging and asking for more. She pushed off Tom’s coat, exposing the holster strung between his shoulder blades. 

“What the fuck?” She whispered, her eyes wide. “What the hell are you doing with a fucking gun, Tom?” 

“I-I just wanted to get back at them, at him. I’m just so angry,” Tom panted emotionally, his hands shaking. She looked between him and the gun and sighed. 

“I can think of another way to get back at them that doesn’t involve this,” she pointed at the gun strapped around his shoulder. Tom looked up at her, his eyes wide as she closed the distance again. She rose on her knees so that she could be taller than him and cupped his jaw. 

“I can think of something that we should do to get back at them,” she whispered against his wide lips. Tom didn’t respond, his heart beating fast and not just because of the cocaine.

“It goes something like this,” she kissed him with hesitant pecks before settling into a deep rhythm. His hands finally started to move up her hips, grasping the edge of her waist. His breath labored against her and she allowed a shuttering moan to escape; a product of pent up energy. 

“Tom… Tom..” she muttered between kisses, her hands pulled up on his stiff white collar, urging him closer. 

“Mmhm..” Tom hummed softly and guided her onto her back, sitting up between her knees. He towered over her and panted, his hands fumbling over his fly. She pulled down her own underwear and kicked it off her ankles. Tom pulled down his pants slightly and boxer briefs, immediately freeing his cock from his pants. He grabbed her thighs and pulled her closer. She slid across the elevator floor and slammed against his waiting hips. She giggled nervously, her face pink. 

“Are you wet enough?” Tom asked quickly, his hand fisting his erection. His dress shirt trailed over his hands, hiding some of his actions from her view. She nodded eagerly and raised the excess of her dress, pulling the material over her upper thighs. Tom nodded breathlessly and entered her without much warning, she gasped and clenched her fists. 

Tom cursed loudly beneath his breath as he filled her up completely. Her body stretched to accommodate him and the sensation sent shivers up both of their bodies like a cold chill. Tom thrusted at a slow rhythm as he worked himself deeper inside her. She whimpered loudly and steadied herself against the hall of the elevator as she slid back and forth on the floor. 

As her body opened more and more, his thrusts became harder and faster. He leaned over her and planted his hands firmly on the floor on either side of her waist. Bringing his hips closer to her, he fucked her aggressively. Instead of dragging out his hips before each thrust, he stayed as deep as possible inside of her and thrusted farther. 

“God you’re so good,” Tom panted as his mouth fell open into a moan. His eyebrows furrowed to keep him focused. 

“Mm-Marianne is an idiot,” she whined around her words and dug her fingers into Tom’s back. Tom fucked her faster as a response, proving himself to her. 

“Fuck- take it. Take it.” He commanded and she gasped as her orgasm grew. He panted with his mouth held open, his hips thudding against her. His curses flew from his mouth in octaves that grew higher as he felt himself spilling over the edge. 

“Tommmm,” she trailed off, mumbling incoherently. He slowed down as he reached his climax so that he could see her reaction. He lowered himself closer to her and laced his fingers gently around her throat. Pulling one of her legs closer around his hip, he fucked her deeply but slow. His fingers flexed and tightened around her soft neck. He studied her closely, sweat pooling between his shoulders and the peak of his brow.

“I know, honey. I know. Marianne could never handle this but you like it when I fuck you. You’d beg me, wouldn’t you?” He whispered as his cock began to flex inside of her. She squeezed her thighs and he grunted, forcing himself through her body’s automatic resistance. She nodded and licked her lips. 

“Fuck, you feel so much better than her.” He continued to grunt, his teeth gritting. She pulled at the graying roots of his hair, her palms cradling his face. With a sharp yell, Tom finished inside her. His hips rocked against her until he had spilled everything out inside her. Their panting filled the air between them and synced into a rhythm. 

“That was fucking amazing, Tom.” She whispered, her voice weak over her racing heart. 

“Kiss me,” Tom growled. She raised her head slightly to place a kiss on his chapped lips. They kissed sweetly, until a steady beeping noise drew them away from their bodies. The elevator’s panel lit up as it was restarted. They hurriedly separated. Tom tucked in his shirt and buttoned his pants. She pulled her underwear back on and smoothed down her hair. Seconds later, the elevator doors opened to a team of mechanics. The mechanics raised their eyebrows collectively at the couple inside, their faces flushed and sweaty handprints still visible on the elevator’s walls. 

“Thank you so much,” she tried to smile normally at the men as they stumbled out of the elevator. Tom gave the mechanics one more backwards glance before they hurried for the stairwell. Slamming the door closed behind them, Tom shoved her up against the wall inside the stairwell. The sound reverberated up the cement structure, ringing in her ears. He kissed her neck, sucking parts of her flesh to make small hickeys. She sighed as she pulled his face to meet her again and kissed him, her lips pulled into a smile.

“We should do this again,” Tom mumbled darkly against her lips. She nodded and bit his bottom lip gently. 

“How about right now?”   

[dismas-n-dismay]

Shaw Pack Centric Headcanons >:]

(This one’s a long one)

Milo’s parents used to get him perms and hair straighteners as a kid and it fucked up his hair texture like CRAZY. He started to take care of it himself instead of letting his parents do it in his mid-teens so most of his middle school and high school pictures are him with the most fried fucking hair you’ve ever seen.

He hides every family photo album deep in the bookshelves so he can’t be teased abt it even though his hair is so good now you’d never suspect it had hella damage back then

-

Asher Cannot stop chewing on things. All of his pens have bite marks, and as a kid he used to chew on his nails and fingers like crazy until Gabe gave him a chew stim toy to cut it out.

Now Ash wears a chew stim necklace shaped like a bone :]!

-

Milo and Sweetheart aren’t married but he did buy them both necklaces as a symbol of their mateship! They both have different gemstones that are the others favorite- Sweetheart has a lapis and Milo has a green jasper!

-

Asher has gotten fleas on multiple occasions. He’s a grown ass man.

-

Angel will lay on top of David’s chest to play games, they don’t even talk to him, they just lay there and play games and when David tries to move them so he can go cook they get huffy like a cat does.

David is very confused each time they do this.

David: ??? :[

Angel: *hissing profusely at being moved during prime parallel play affection time with the hubby*

-

David taps his nails on his desk, counters, and basically anywhere as a stim/when he’s anxious or stressed. It’s one of the few physical tells he has aside from the wrinkles in his brow from furrowing them so much

-

David likes to groom Angel a lot, the only part that sucks is that he literally Never shifts to do it but still has the innate instinct to clean his pack mates and his mate in general.

So he just traps Angel with cuddles and licks at their cheek while they protest half heartedly (they love the affection they just like being bratty)

-

Asher was the tallest for a while in wolf form! A lot of family pictures that have them all as teens are usually just of Ash as a large, near white, blonde teen with Dave and Milo pouting. When David’s growth spurt kicked in Asher would Not stop crying.

-

David fucking hates being called Dave more than being called Davey- he’s Very Adamant he does not look like a Dave. Dave is a loser name for loser people, he’s David. Get it right.

-

David actually has a lot of dog-ish tendencies when shifted which is funny because he tries Very Hard to be cool and professional when he is shifted. He’ll scratch at his ears with his front paws a lot or gnaw at his leg if it itches without a second thought, it’s why he prefers just staying human-mode as much as possible, he’s like the only wolf aside from Asher that has those habits and being in the same category as Mr “I still have fleas at 30” is not the best look for a leader of a pack.

-

David has half lidded eyes! But more in a “I’m very very tired” way than a hot way, Angel and Asher still think it’s hot though.

-

Milo has several different collars for Aggro that Aggro never fucking wears outside of photo shoots or family photos with Sweetheart and Milo. Asher teases him abt it all the time but Milo doesn’t care, his family WILL be matching for his family fucking photos man.

-

Milo and Sweetheart have several family photos hung up in their house of them and Aggro and they do family photoshoots a lot! They even have some with the whole pack/gang! They all managed to match for that one and they have two different versions of it hung over their tv in the living room, one of them all as a normal family and one of them all bickering like a normal family <3

—

Aggro generally wears a green collar which fits his long orange fur and green eyes nicely <3 He’s a Big Boy and loves to jump straight into Milo’s belly when Milo lays on his bed

-

Aggro is near silent except for when he wants doors open that he can’t do himself or when he thinks Sweetheart and Milo are upset (taken from my own kitty, Tiny, who will not shut up if doors aren’t opened immediately)

-

All of the Shaw Pack boys are deadly cuddlers, you Will be smothered in their arms, I’m so sorry, you can’t escape

-

Asher definitely gets tattoos around his scars, the one on his chest has a flower garden around it with all of his friends favorite flowers as a reminder they’re always with him <3

-

Angel, Sweetheart, Babe, and Darlin will (once every three months) randomly swap places with each other and chill in the other ones houses just to see how their mates react. They swap their phones with each other and everything just for the extra freak factor of “Why do you have my mates phone??!” “I am ur mate babe don’t you remember :]?”

None of the guys find this funny and Milo threatened to lock Darlin out in the rain for it once

—

Asher likes cream cheese icing while Babe would rather die if they ever had to taste cream cheese icing ever- the planning for their wedding cake was almost a disaster until they agreed to just get buttercream frosting

[ninthprime]

finished my short power fantasy reread a couple days ago and came out very impressed by it- it’s starting to scratch the itch wicdiv did years ago, though they’re very different books. i read die and a bit of once and future too, but i think this deep character drama/high worldbuilding mode is my favorite gillen. i have a bunch of things i want to post about eventually but one that immediately came to mind, especially seeing the solicits for the next two issues, was that i’m really intrigued by whatever is going on with jacky and eliza’s dynamic.

jacky in general is a character i’ve ended up really loving (er, as a character, not a person), partly because he feels like gillen working against archetype in some ways? i feel like a considerable part of the readers are going to go in with preconceived notions of what a right-wing guy with a mask is going to be like, and particularly they’re going to compare him to woden, which is of course where my brain instantly went after the first issue. if you asked me what i thought was up with jacky and eliza after #2 i would probably have the valkyries and woden’s dynamic with cassandra enter my brain. in reality jacky isn’t a lot like woden for the obvious reasons- woden’s an old white dude whose character is fundamentally linked to those things, and jacky’s a brown guy who used to be an anarchist- but also because woden’s character motivation turns out to be grimly simple and selfish, whereas jacky’s right-wing shift is clearly influenced by massive trauma and fuckups but also not justified by those things.

jacky and eliza’s dynamic appears to be pretty much(?) platonic- at least in the sense that jacky tells the pyramid that they should just kill him if he ever goes evil cult leader and has sex with any of them*- but is still incredibly loaded! jacky let her into the total arseholes in the 70s but later notes that he never trusted her enough to promote her higher, and he didn’t even back then:

(by the by, eliza being rendered in complete white in flashbacks before her decension is one of my favorite wijngaard artistic touches for the book so far. really emphasizing the good girl gone bad.)

eliza spends this entire scene questioning him, and it seems to me like she had her own ideas and agenda even back then. (what exactly is christianity in this world when valentina came down from heaven?) presumably then there was another decade-plus of history between them before the second summer of love, at which point things imploded in a way we’ll presumably find out about this week as i write this.

what’s really juicy to me though is what we get in the post-SSOL scene in #5 and after. from what i can tell, eliza’s decension was probably both a consequence of whatever she had to do in the SSOL and her own desires and beliefs…but jacky pretty clearly blames himself.

which i’d argue is a bit rude to eliza’s agency- she comes off as pretty confident in her choice here, although we haven’t been deep in her head- but that’s sure not how jacky is internalizing it. later in this scene he refers to her as “an occasional really good person who wants to be a martyr” (she seems to acknowledge this as referring to herself) and a “beautiful, sweet-hearted, doomed, dumb fuck.” it’s probably quite good for humanity that eliza came around when she did, but i don’t think jacky likes that it happened to her specifically. more importantly, it makes her the only surviving member of the original pyramid; in jacky’s eyes, she’s a living embodiment of his failure walking around, and also she could end the world right now if she wanted to on an even greater scale than he could, judging by the estimates in #6.

by the time we get to 1999 this all seems to have metastasized for jacky as…some sort of belief that eliza is aligned to him? she has to correct him on it in #2:

“eliza arrived to join me” is interesting wording- pretty sure she arrived for her own reasons, buddy. but eliza has been so offscreen up until this point that i don’t think we really have any full idea of her politics, and i’m inclined to think she might keep a lot of them to herself. it’s never even in question whether she’ll come to masumi’s art show; she was never going to. i don’t get the impression that she and jacky talk often, even if their history makes them important to each other. so jacky’s just spent years molding an idea in his head of what he would like things to be like, an idea that’s all tied up in what he thinks he needs/wants to do for the world, as it is with every relationship between the superpowers.

jacky, i know you’re saying this because she’s the only one whose powers can interfere with your plans, but it feels like you’re really saying it because you’ll burn down your relationships with the other superpowers if you have to, but you feel like you have to retain your relationship with eliza because she’s the last vestige of your past life and you hold immense guilt for her actions and you feel like retaining a stable relationship with her is important for your own stability and self-perception? is that it? i’m just saying man.

and of course none of this explains what eliza thinks about him, which is much more ambiguous, like everything else about her. well, that’s for the next few issues to discuss.

(i feel like this sort of not-quite-romantic dynamic is permeating a bunch of this book’s relationships, particularly some of the early stuff with etienne and valentina- valentina refers to some of his compliments in the first scene of the comic as “flirting”, and they have the classic childhood friends backstory. but they also are pretty obviously not a thing. you wonder how many relationships among the superpowers have hovered around it and not gotten further because The World Is At Stake. heavy seems incredibly polyamorous and isabella and masumi’s dynamic is a fucked mess neither can completely acknowledge, but the other four superpowers seem very single. etienne almost certainly has an ethical discussion of such things in his head.)

* as a side note, this is a fun parallel with heavy and his cult’s “weird sex stuff”, though despite his occasionally almost world-ending behavior heavy is still way more likable than jacky. interesting counterpoint to any potential Sex Coded As Bad takes that a lot of fiction stumbles into.

[smashing-teacups]

Atonement Chapter 44: A Sticky Situation

A/N: We havena done this in a very long time… 🥹

Happy five year anniversary to this not-so-wee tale of mine. Thank you so much to all who have come along for the journey. I appreciate you more than you know!

For better or for worse, they decided to move in straight away. 

It was in large part a financial decision. After months of working overtime, Claire had a decent sum tucked away in her checking account, but an indefinite hotel stay was a drain on their savings that they simply couldn’t justify, given the option to stay in the mill for free. As soon as that much was decided, the pair of them had locked into what Claire called triage mode, trying to sort out what they would need to purchase imminently if they were actually going to attempt to live in a half-functional construction zone. Foremost in both of their minds was the pressing issue of heat: Claire insisted that she was fine with just setting up camp near the hearth, and was busy Googling the nearest places to buy firewood in bulk. Unconvinced that the fireplace alone would be sufficient for his painfully thin and perpetually freezing wife, Jamie had pulled up the page for the local hardware store on his own mobile, sifting through the reviews on various portable space heaters that they could position strategically around the house.

After a few minutes, Claire’s musing broke the silence of their individual research. “I suppose if we don’t have a heat source then we don’t have hot water.” As he glanced up from his screen, she made an odd wee movement, squinting one eye as she shifted her hips off to one side and back again. “What are we going to do about showers?” 

Pocketing his mobile, he crossed his arms loosely over his front. “Aye, I was just thinkin’ on that myself. The plumbing’s already in, just need to finish gettin’ the boiler system up and running. Shouldna take me more’n a week or two, but”—There it was again, the microscopic spasm of Claire’s cheek, this time as her thighs clenched together—“in the meantime, I reckon we can use the showers over at the gym. It’s no’ but ten minutes down the road.”

“Sounds good,” she said mildly, though the tightness around her eyes didn’t slacken. Jamie regarded her for a long moment, frowning with the effort to pin down the source of her unease. If she wasn’t comfortable showering at the gym, he was sure one of their neighbors would be more than happy to let them use theirs…

Before the offer could even make its way to his lips, though, Claire shifted again, and something about the way she moved the third time — the subtle, swiveling twitch of her pelvis, the grit of her teeth — struck him as familiar where the other motions had eluded him. He knew all too well the squirming discomfort of having an itch in a place that couldn’t be scratched in decent company.

But that was just it: he wasn’t company, he was her husband. There wasn’t an inch of her body that he hadn’t tasted or touched; Christ, he’d been buried to the hilt inside her not half an hour ag—

… oh.

Ohhhh.

Quite abruptly, he struck recognition like a brick wall.

Keep reading...

[lillaydee]

Uncoupled - October Part 2

Roommate! Joel Miller / Reader

Two people leaving their marriages ended up going through the mandatory one year separation together before filing for divorce.

Nothing could possibly happen in a year, right?

WARNINGS: Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), No age gap, Roommate Joel, Teacher Joel, Handyman Joel, Insecure Joel, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning.

SERIES MASTER LIST

October Part 1

---

You woke up at 730 when Ellie was tiptoeing around trying to shower without waking you, only to accidentally shut the bathroom door on her way out sans stealth mode. She joined you in bed once she got dressed, Joel bringing breakfast for the three of you to your bedroom. Ellie spent breakfast time on her belly staring at your wrapped up toe, fingers clearly itching to touch it, but stopped when Joel gave a stern ‘Ellie’ to her, giving your toe a small boop anyway when he wasn’t looking. He brought a bottle of water and some snacks, along with your iPad and laptop in case you got bored and told you he would be home during lunch hour and bring you something.

Ellie hugged you tight and told you she loved you. Joel stood around a bit awkwardly in your doorway, nodded his head and headed out, peeking his head one last time telling you to behave. You rolled your eyes. “Yes, Dad!”

You waited until you could see the two of them walk past the house, before getting up and spending the rest of the morning doing your normal chores walking on the heel of your injured foot. Pfft. Stay in bed. What were you, five? It’s just a small wound, women all over the world give birth every day, some without anaesthesia, you could handle a throbbing toe for a few hours.

Turned out, you couldn’t.

You were sat on the kitchen floor with a bag of ice on your foot within 45 minutes. You thought walking on your tippy toes in heels was horrible. It was why you gave them up and accepted your fate as a short person. Walking on your actual heel? Torture. So there you sat, contemplating that stupid choice you made of going against your roommate’s advice, when the sounds of a key being inserted into the keyhole on your front door snapped you out of your self-pity.

Shit.

Please don’t be Joel, please don’t be Joel, please don’t be Joel.

Frank’s head popped in.

Oh, thank God.

He rushed in when he spotted you, asking you what the fuck you thought you were doing. You were supposed to stay in bed, at least for the day. Rest the damn foot. What if you had broken it? He didn’t stop ranting until he got you back in bed.

“I didn’t break it. It was just crushed a little. I’m sure it would hurt a lot more had I broken it.”

“Well, just… stay in bed today and make sure. What’s wrong with that?”

“God you sound like Joel.”

He sat in bed next to you, a wide, curious smile on his face. “So, a month plus since he moved in. What’s it like living with RPH?”

You shrugged. “It’s alright, I guess. He’s neat, cleans after himself, does things around the house, cooks, he’s great with Ellie, I could do a lot worse.”

“You guys get along fine?”

“We get along alright, he’s a good roommate.”

“So… just friends?”

“Good friends, I’d say. It’s easy. Talking to him. He’s nice.”

“You know, if you ever want to be alone with him, I could take Ellie for a night or two.”

“Why would I need to be alone with him?”

Frank looked at you like you had two heads. His eyes narrowed a little, before just pursing his lips together and telling you to forget about it. He made you take another dose of painkillers before leaving, telling you that the offer to take Ellie in for a couple of days will always stand.

You laid in bed waiting for the meds to kick in, wondering what the heck Frank was talking about. Why the fuck would you and Joel need alone time? Did Joel say something? Was there something he was unhappy about? Was he rethinking the living arrangement? Were you relying too much on him? Making him do too much? What?

You were enjoying living with him. You felt like you had a friend. Someone to talk to after work. Frank and Tess were great, so was Maria, but they had lives outside of their work life with you. You didn’t want to intrude. But Joel lived there with you. He told you about his work life and you him. This, in this house, was the life the two of you lived. You talk. You’re friends. So the thought of him not being happy with anything worried you. You didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable.

You did tell him about your worry of him missing out on a social life of his own because of how involved he was in you and Ellie’s lives, but he brushed it off. So that can’t be it. Then, what was it?

You fell asleep still worrying about it. You woke up when Joel knocked on your door, coming in with the first aid kit and lunch for the both of you. He lifted both items for you to see.

“Lunch first, or bandage change?”

“Let’s do lunch, you might not have the appetite to eat after you see my big ugly toe.”

He laughed, not possible, he said. Cutest toe in the world.

You rolled your eyes, sitting up as he sat cross-legged next to you, opening the bag with your sandwiches inside. School cafeteria food, he said. Shockingly, he thought they were not bad before. But now that he gets a packed lunch every day? He scrunched his face in distaste.

You shook your head, calling him a snob.

“Hey, I live with a great baker. Not my fault my standards have gone up a few notches.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, snob.”

He changed your bandage after lunch. The toe actually didn’t look that bad, although you suspect the nail was definitely coming off when it healed. It’s not swollen or purple, and you were able to wiggle it without much pain, apart from the fact that there was a cut across the nail. It wasn’t bleeding anymore, so, you’ll take that as a win. He did ask that you stay off it for the day, telling you he received a very suspicious text from Frank, raising an eyebrow at you.

You feigned innocence, telling him you didn’t know what he was talking about, and then shooed him off to work again, yelling thank you as he left.

**********

Joel started walking over to the preschool at a quarter to three, his hands in his jacket pockets. He was excited to see Ellie again. The little girl always had some story for him whenever he picked her up. He learned, just two days ago that Alan, the boy who sat behind her, was allergic to cats. Oh, and he had two mommies and two daddies. He also learnt that cats could see in the dark. Oh, did he also know that donkeys make a ‘hee-haw’ sound?

He liked this. This life he was living. He liked that he lived so close to school. He liked that he had someone to come home to, someone to be responsible for. He liked that no one in the house rolled their eyes when he entered a room or started talking to them. He liked that the three of you eat together every morning and night. He liked that after putting Ellie in bed, he had someone he could talk to, joke around with. He liked making the grocery list with Ellie or you and planning out the meals for the week ahead. He liked that no one flinched or moved away when he sat next to them during TV time. He liked that he had chores to do on the weekends, or stuff to fix around the house.

He liked that every time he was puttering around the house doing something, you would check on him and asked if he needed anything. He liked that you made sure he had water to drink, that he was warm enough, cool enough, comfortable enough. He liked that you folded the laundry with him while watching TV, but hated that you won’t let him help cause he had no idea who or what a Marie Condo was, or was it a Condominium? He needed to Google that.

He liked that you ate the food he prepared for you, despite knowing you were a much better cook than him. He liked that you packed his lunch for him and Ellie, he even got a selection of snacks with his lunch. He liked that Ellie quietly gave him her box of raisins in exchange for the cashews in his lunch pack and made him promise not to tell you she didn’t like raisins. He liked that she gave him all the raisins from her bread pudding, taking the crusty tops off his for herself. He liked that you knew he liked the custards to flood his bowl when eating that pudding. He liked that you made sure there was no beansprouts in his or Ellie’s Pad Thai. He liked that eating your cooking felt like an adventure around the world.

Today, as he was getting coffee from the common room, some of the teachers were talking about Halloween. They asked him what his plans were – he had never gone to any Halloween themed stuff since Jen got the promotion, except maybe that Stetson he wore when the school made teachers dress up. Jen always had elaborate costumes, going to party after party, planning for them a year ahead. But he was never invited to go along with her – he was not fancy enough, she had said - so he sat at home and watched scary movies, alone.

So when he got asked that morning, he excitedly told everyone he was taking Ellie trick-or-treating this year, although the little girl had yet to decide what she wanted to wear. He imagined that the two of you would just put on some mask and hat and followed the little girl around. He realized how excited he was for that night, having never done that in his adulthood. He never had children to spoil. He was elated thinking about how starting next year, he would have Ellie and his niece or nephew to take. He imagined the kids and Tommy and Maria and you and him taking them, obediently following little children in costumes around for years to come.

He liked that three of you were like a family.

It’s the life he envisioned when he proposed to Jen, but never got to have.

And that’s exactly what troubled him.

When he saw you in your car outside his marital home that day, he actually, for a split second, thought to himself, maybe, just maybe, he should sleep with you. Your spouses were doing it, why not the two of you?

And of course, the moment those thoughts entered his head, he felt so ashamed of himself. That’s not who he was. He was not a vindictive man. He wouldn’t sleep with someone just to get back at Jen, no matter how much she hurt him. And even if your husband was partly responsible for his marriage crumbling, you did nothing wrong. He shouldn’t use you to get back at Jen and Max. And then, another thought entered his head. Wouldn’t it be funny if this whole thing ended up with the two of you being together?

But he knew it was the grief speaking. He was grieving his marriage, as bad as it was. He was trying to find ways to make himself feel better about the decision he had made – the packed bags and boxes in his house. When Tommy playfully suggested getting together with you, he saw how stupid that idea was. He was not ready. And he shouldn’t pull you into the bullshit ‘getting back out there’ scheme Tommy was thinking about. You were vulnerable, just as he was. It wouldn’t be right to take advantage of you like that.

But then he moved in with you. And he saw what a wonderful person you were, especially with Ellie, the little girl he had come to care for so much. He cared about you, too. He liked talking to you. He felt he could trust you. He felt protective of you, and definitely protective of Ellie. When you got emotional leaving Ellie at the school that first day, he hugged you, not even realizing he did it, his lips automatically going to your temple. Ever since then, he had to remind himself again and again, he was just lonely, that’s why he couldn’t stop thinking about the comfort the way your hair smelled gave him. Nothing more. You were his landlady. His friend. Fast becoming his best friend these days.

His heart almost jumped out of his throat when he heard you scream that morning. And when he placed you in bed and you were sobbing from the pain, all he wanted to do was comfort you, hold you close and never let go. And when you fell asleep, he couldn’t resist giving you a kiss. He really should control himself better. Just last night, you were telling him you were not thinking of dating. The last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable. Cause if you were, he would lose you, and worse, lose Ellie, and he couldn’t imagine waking up in the mornings not having breakfast across from her moody face and your cheerful one.

Yes. That was it. He was just someone who was not used to being single, and having the two of you in his life made him feel whole. It felt like his dreams had come true. And now he’d gone and projected his fantasy of having a family of his own onto you and Ellie, and it was messing with his head about how he was feeling about you. He was friends with Jen for years before he realized he had feelings for her. He couldn’t possibly have feelings for you after a month and a half. That’s crazy.

It had to be the fantasy. It’s not how he was really feeling, right?

**********

Joel stood at the usual spot where parents hung out to wait for the kids. He called you, asking how the toe was feeling. He was just picking Ellie up. What would you like for dinner? Just as he hung up, the bell rang. He moved to be closer to the entrance, wanting Ellie to see him when she came out. A parent he had seen around the yard came and stood next to him.

“You’re Joel Miller, right?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, have we met?”

“I’m Gigi. I used to work with Jen.”

Oh.

“Who are you here for? I wasn’t aware you and Jen had kids?”

He was trying to figure out what he should say, or whether he should say anything when Ellie came running out, telling him she got an A for drawing. It was like the woman didn’t exist at all of a sudden. All he could think of was how proud he was of Ellie. He high-fived her, lifting her up onto his shoulder, nodding at the woman and walked off, listening to her chattering about the A, taking the painting out of her backpack and shoving it in front of his face, wobbling dangerously on his shoulders. He held her tighter, worried she might fall, the painting now obscuring his sight. He stopped walking, taking the picture she was showing him, placing her on the ground, crouching next to her, one hand tight around her shoulder as he studied the painting of a garden with different flowers.

She climbed on his back, excitedly telling him about the different flowers. “Roses for Mommy, sunflowers for Daddy, tulips for Beans and daisies for you.”

He stood up with her on his back, turning his head slightly, “You drew daisies for me?”

She nodded vigorously. Joel was about to ask her some more questions, touched that she would include him in her drawing, when Lucy came bounding out of the school building, asking him if she could get a ride home.

“Hi Ella!”

“It’s Ellie,” Joel corrected her, yet again. “I’m not driving. I’m walking.”

“Oh, is this your drawing Ella? It’s beautiful,” she said, taking the picture from Joel, walking awfully close to him. Ellie snatched the drawing away from her, placing her head on Joel’s other shoulder, telling him she wanted to go home to you now.

“Okay, kiddo. Let’s go home. See you Lucy.”

“Wait, come on,” she said, taking his arm in hers, “Why don’t I follow you and you can drive me home after you drop Ella off?”

Joel pulled his arm away from her. “Again, it’s Ellie. And no, I am not sending you home. And please respect my private space. We are at work, please don’t touch me like that,” he politely said.

“I wasn’t…”

“Yes you were. Come on Joel. I wanna go home.”

Joel walked off, Ellie piggybacking him, leaving an annoyed and disappointed Lucy behind.

**********

“Ellie wanted to be a donkey for Halloween,” you told Joel, carefully taking your socks off to put in the wash. Your toe had almost healed, but you were still traumatized by the memory of that one time you forgot about the wound, and your toenail came off along with the sock.

“Not any donkey, Donkey, from Toy Story,” he explained, closing the fridge door, Ellie’s garden drawing proudly displayed on it. “So that means we are going as Sherriff Woody and Jessie.”

“Crap. I do not look good in yellow.”

“Yes you do. She insisted you go as either Jessie or Bo. You have a Sheppard’s crook, a bonnet and a poufy pink dress?”

You shook your head. He nodded, “That’s what I thought.”

“You mean to tell me you have a Woody costume?”

“No,” he said. “But I have flannels, boots and a Stetson.”

You stared at him in shock. Oh, you have got to see this. “Show me.”

“Nope. You’ll see when we go trick-or-treating, Jessie. Better start looking for a red wig and cowboy hat.”

“And where the heck are we going to find a Donkey costume for her?”

“Brown shirt and pants, donkey ears and a mask. Already ordered them.”

Damn. He’s really excited for this. “Well, okay, let me know how much it costs, I’ll Venmo you.”

“Nope. Not taking your money.”

You followed him around the house arguing that he shouldn’t be spending that much money on her, while he sang ‘You’ve Got a Friend in Me’ at the top of his voice, ignoring you.

On Halloween, you were at the bakery, finishing some themed cupcakes with Tess and Frank. You were all having dinner at the bakery before taking Ellie trick-or-treating, everyone excited – never having children to do this with before. You were placing the last of the pumpkin gummies on Frank’s elaborate webbed décor when the door jingled, and Maria and Tommy walked in, Tommy wearing a Buzz Lightyear t-shirt, and Maria wearing long fake ears and a snout.

Andy, dressed in a simple pink t-shirt and a pink cap, claiming to be the modern version of Bo Peep squealed, going over to greet the two, dropping to her knees to say hi to Maria’s tiny bump. Bill came up, shaking Tommy’s hand and giving Maria a kiss, placing the plates he had found on the tables for dinner. You were trying hard to figure out who he was supposed to be, he was just dressed in his jeans and t-shirt, and he claimed to be in costume.

Frank came out and placed the boxes of cupcakes on the counter for pick-up, hands on his hips, telling Bill he had forgotten something. Bill grumbled and went out to his truck, coming back with a black bowler hat perched on his head.

“Mr Potato Head!!!” everyone chorused, howling with laughter. Bill certainly did not look impressed, but smiled a little when Frank gave him a small peck.

Ah… the shit you do for the people you love.

Tess dressed as the plastic soldier man, which consisted of a green shirt and pants. Frank was supposed to be Forky, wearing a t-shirt with a fork on it, and had drawn some stuff on his face with markers to look more like the character. You were just in a yellow checkered shirt and a tiny plastic hat hair pin you found online just clipped to your hair. It was supposed to be a full sized hat, but… oh well, let’s just say you were never ordering things online ever again.

Ellie, of course, looked fabulous. The googly eyed mask Joel got for her perched on her forehead, the donkey ears on her head. She looked so pleased with herself, walking around holding on to the tail Joel had pinned on to her pants. Joel walked in after her, wearing his flannel and jeans and boots, but no Stetson in sight. That’s not to say he didn’t look good, but you were disappointed the Stetson did not make an appearance.

After all the cupcakes were picked up, and the dinner all eaten and everyone was feeling full and happy, you loaded the dishwasher while everyone else, save for Ellie and Maria cleaned the place before leaving. As you hung your apron on its usual hook, Joel walked in, Stetson in place.

Oh, fuck me.

Damn, he looked good.

Your mouth dropped open, “Damn, cowboy!”

“Howdy, Ma’am,” he said, tipping his hat at you. “You ready to take Donkey trick-or-treatin’?” he asked, offering his arm for you to take.

“Why, yes I am,” you said, patting the stupid super tiny hat on your head, taking his arm in yours.

The rest made you, Joel and Ellie take a picture together, Ellie happily perched on Joel’s hips, you by his side.

After a night of trick-or-treating and coaxing Ellie into not eating all her candies at one go, you and Joel sat defeatedly in the living room. God, you never knew how big the area was, and how many children lived around here. Maria, who had stayed at your place told you the five bags of candies you had prepared ran out in under an hour. Everyone was exhausted. But it was all worth it, seeing Ellie so happy, although she did tell you and Joel she missed her parents just before her eyes closed for the night.

“She had fun, right?” you asked him for the fifth time in the 40 minutes since she had gone to bed.

“Yes, she did. Don’t worry. You did a great job.”

“No, you did. You got her the costume, you carried her when she got tired. I was just the one holding the bucket.”

“Hey, we’re a team, right? So long as she’s happy.”

“Thanks Joel. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here. I’m always worried I am not enough, you know? Annie was an amazing mom. And Ed…” you rubbed your face, “I just knew I could never live up to them. But, having you around helped. Thanks Joel. I really appreciate it.”

He squeezed your knee, telling you he was happy to do it.

“And to be honest, I’m worried I’m asking too much from you. Ellie shouldn’t be your responsibility at all. I feel bad that you have to do so much for us. I just don’t want you to feel obliged or anything. If it’s too much, just let me know. I don’t want you to think I’m dumping my responsibilities on you. I would hate for you to leave because of this,” your worry was clear on your face, thinking about Frank’s offer to take Ellie for a few days. He wouldn’t have offered if Joel hadn’t said something, right?

“Hey, no, don’t think like that. It’s no trouble at all. Really. You shouldn’t worry about that, okay? I’m here, I’ll help. Plus, I like spending time with her. She’s a smart girl. Seeing her so happy makes me happy. So, don’t ever worry about that, okay? We’re a team, remember?”

You seemed hesitant, but you nodded, nonetheless.

Of course, he neglected to tell you that he was proud as a clam when countless men told him during that trick-or-treating session that he had a beautiful family. That he wished it were true. That the three of you were, indeed, a family. His family.

You got up and went into the kitchen, coming back with a handful of Ellie’s candy, telling him you won’t tell her if he didn’t. He smiled cheekily, patting the couch for you to join him, and the two of you began demolishing the candies, sharing stories about your childhood Halloween, him making you laugh so much at Tommy’s attempt of making Spiderman’s web, only to end up in the ER when he succeeded in getting his hands stuck together trying to pull superglue into fine threads.

His heart soared seeing you laugh so much. Tonight had been a dream of his for a long time and having you and Ellie with him just seemed so perfect, so real, he had to remind himself that this was just his loneliness speaking. You were his friend, his landlady, and Ellie was your niece. Not his wife and daughter.

Yeah. He was just projecting his hopes and dreams on the two of you. That was all. He knew it wasn’t healthy for him to feel that way. He was just compensating for something he had always wanted but might never have. But for tonight, he wanted to enjoy and savour the feeling.

His phone started buzzing endlessly. Texts were coming in, one after another, all from Jen.

‘What the fuck is this, Joel?’

A screenshot of Maria’s Insta story was attached. The picture of the three of you at the bakery.

Another followed. One where the three of you were on the floor counting Ellie’s candies, happiness and laughter clearly all over your faces.

And the texts kept coming in.

---

November

[yokumirumerafan]

IK ITS WAY TOO MUCH TO READ BUT PLEASE HAVE PATIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OK some Shiggy Headcanons/scenarios (however you call it) because I just can't help but love this man!!!!! <333

Soft Shigaraki x UA Student Y/N Headcanons

✨ How They Meet:

Y/N somehow wanders into a dangerous part of the city after school (maybe looking for something or chasing after someone). She unknowingly bumps into Shigaraki, who’s about to do some shady League business.

He’s about to threaten her, but the second he makes eye contact, her quirk accidentally activates, showing her bits of his past.

She immediately tears up at what she sees, and before Shigaraki can even react, she just looks at him and softly says, "You went through all of that alone, didn't you?"

He’s FURIOUS and demands to know how she saw that. Y/N, completely unafraid, just tells him, "It wasn’t your fault."

💘 The Slow Burn Begins:

Despite his rage, he can’t stop thinking about what she said. No one has ever looked at him with anything but fear or hatred, but she… looked sad for him.

He finds ways to accidentally run into her again, whether it’s sneaking onto UA grounds at night or lurking around areas she frequents.

Eventually, she starts seeking him out instead, and despite his grumpy, "Get lost," attitude, he never actually pushes her away.

🌸 Y/N Becomes His Safe Place:

Every time she sees him, she cups his face, rubbing her thumbs over his scars, whispering, “You’re not as scary as you think.”

She braids his hair sometimes when he lets his guard down, and it drives him crazy (but he secretly loves it).

The League notices he’s been acting different—less irritable, slightly less destructive, and Dabi even calls him out:

Dabi: "What’s up with you? You’re smiling like an idiot."

Shigaraki, scowling but with pink cheeks: "Shut up."

🕰️ Shigaraki Becomes Obsessed:

He counts the seconds until her school day ends, itching to see her.

If she’s late to meet him, he’s pacing around angrily like a cat waiting to be fed.

When she sneaks into the League’s hideout at night, he immediately grabs her wrist and pulls her close, muttering, "Took you long enough."

The first time she brings him a small gift (maybe a cheap ring or bracelet), he wears it all the time, even during League meetings.

😂 The League’s Reaction:

Toga: “Tomuraaa, you’ve got a looooveeeer~!”

Dabi: "He’s going soft. Next thing we know, he’s bringing us cupcakes."

Twice: "Shigaraki in love? Oh my god, this is gonna kill me—WAIT, I’M ALREADY DEAD INSIDE."

Compress: "I must admit, it's entertaining to see our fearless leader acting like a lovesick fool."

One time, he came home with a flower in his hair (Y/N put it there while they were lying under a tree), and Spinner nearly choked on his drink.

💖 The Dumb Lovestruck Fool Stage:

He doesn’t sleep at night because all he can think about is her.

Sometimes, in the middle of League business, he zones out daydreaming about her.

He gets irrationally jealous if any of her classmates get too close, but he doesn’t know how to express it, so he just sulks.

If Y/N is ever upset, he immediately goes into panic mode, awkwardly trying to comfort her but failing.

🔥 Other Cute Ideas:

Shigaraki catching her sneaking back into UA one night and teasing her, “You're bad at being bad.”

Shigaraki threatening to destroy things for her. "Tell me who made you cry, and I'll erase them from existence."

Y/N tracing the scars on his hands and softly whispering, “They don’t make you a monster.”

Shigaraki pulling her onto his lap when they’re alone and just burying his face into her shoulder.

What do you think? Do you want to add or change anything? I'm LIVING for this dynamic!! 😭💞

1. Stargazing Under the Night Sky:

One night, Shigaraki takes Y/N to a secluded spot away from everything. They lie side by side, gazing up at the stars in silence. He doesn't talk much, but his hand finds hers, and he holds it gently. Y/N rests her head on his shoulder, and she whispers, “You’ve never really had a peaceful moment, have you?” Shigaraki doesn’t respond, but the hint of a smile tugs at his lips. A rare moment of calm for him, just existing with someone who doesn’t demand anything from him.

2. Secret Garden Moment:

Y/N finds a quiet garden while wandering the city, one filled with vibrant flowers. She invites Shigaraki there, knowing he'd never willingly seek out something so peaceful. As she carefully picks a flower and tucks it behind his ear, he grumbles, “This is stupid.” But his ears flush a light pink, and he doesn’t take the flower out, secretly cherishing the gesture. It's one of those small moments where he lets down his walls and lets her do something cute for him.

3. The First Time He Calls Her His:

Shigaraki is known for his angry, commanding demeanor, but one day when he’s talking to the League, he suddenly snaps and says, “I don’t care what happens. No one hurts my Y/N.” The League freezes in shock. Dabi raises an eyebrow and smirks, teasing, "Since when did she become your Y/N?" Shigaraki growls but doesn’t deny it. That simple possessiveness cracks open a layer of vulnerability in him, and Y/N later looks at him with a soft smile, saying, "I’m yours too."

4. Caring For Him When He’s Hurt:

After a confrontation with heroes, Shigaraki comes back to the hideout bruised and battered, clearly exhausted. Y/N is waiting for him, and without saying a word, she gently cleans his wounds, carefully applying bandages while he winces slightly but doesn’t pull away. When she finishes, he looks at her, his cold expression melting just a bit, "I don't need you to do this..." She just smiles and replies, “I want to.” It’s a rare moment of tenderness where he realizes how much he needs her in ways he never thought possible.

5. Jealous Shigaraki:

Shigaraki watches from the shadows as Y/N laughs with some of her classmates at UA. His hands twitch, a growl low in his throat. Later, when he confronts her, he suddenly says, “You were laughing a lot with that guy.” Y/N, sensing his jealousy, just smirks and teases him, “Are you jealous, Tomura?” Shigaraki huffs, “No. I just don’t like it when people get too close to what’s mine.” Y/N laughs, pulling him close. "You’re so possessive.” He grumbles, but it’s clear he’s relieved when she’s by his side again.

6. Shigaraki’s Birthday Surprise:

For his birthday (which he pretends he doesn’t care about), Y/N sneaks in a small, handmade gift for him—a simple bracelet or charm with something meaningful to their relationship. Shigaraki is caught off guard, his face turning pink as he hesitates, “What’s this for?” She smiles and says, “Just because.” Later that night, the League watches as he wears it proudly, refusing to admit it’s the most thoughtful gift he’s ever gotten.

7. "No One Knows Us Like We Do" Moment:

They’re hiding from the world, just the two of them, in a quiet corner. Y/N, still thinking about their different lives, says, "You know, sometimes I wish things could be normal." Shigaraki looks at her, a small, rare smile forming on his lips, “Normal? Who would want that?” Y/N laughs softly, “I guess you’re right. I don’t need normal. I just need you.” He’s left speechless for a moment, a warmth in his chest that he doesn’t know how to handle.

KK I edited the Garden Scene

Secret Garden Moment:

The sun is setting, painting the sky in hues of pink and gold, casting a warm glow over the quiet garden hidden deep in the city. The air is cool, a gentle breeze brushing through the trees, as Y/N walks ahead, leading Shigaraki by the hand. She doesn’t speak, only gesturing toward the serene haven she’s discovered—a small, secluded patch of green, surrounded by wildflowers in full bloom.

Shigaraki steps cautiously, his usual scowl softened by the calming atmosphere. He’s not used to this kind of peace—usually, it’s chaos and destruction, not this... quiet. He glances at the flowers, the colors so vivid it almost seems surreal. “What is this place?” he asks, voice rough, though there’s an edge of curiosity in it.

Y/N grins, looking over her shoulder at him, her smile warm and inviting. “A secret garden. I come here sometimes when I need a break from everything.”

Shigaraki hesitates, glancing around. He feels out of place, like a storm in the middle of a gentle breeze. But something about the garden feels different—it feels... safe. He inhales deeply, smelling the soft scent of flowers, and for the first time in a long time, he feels a little lighter.

“Why bring me here?” he asks, the edges of his voice sharp as he tries to hide the flutter of something unfamiliar in his chest.

Y/N stops in front of a flower patch, carefully plucking a small, delicate bloom from the ground. She holds it up, studying it for a moment before turning to him. “Because I think you could use a moment like this,” she says softly, her voice almost a whisper. “A moment where you don’t have to be the terrifying leader of the League.”

Shigaraki’s heart skips a beat. He’s always had to wear that mask of strength, of power. But here, with her, it feels like he can put it down—just for a little while. She’s not afraid of him. She’s never been afraid of him, even when he’s shown her his past—the anger, the destruction, the broken pieces of who he’s been.

Before he can say anything, she steps closer, reaching up and carefully tucking the flower behind his ear. Shigaraki’s breath catches in his throat, his usual tough exterior faltering as he feels her fingers brush against his skin. His face turns slightly pink, but he doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t even know why he’s so flustered. It’s just... a flower.

“What’s this for?” he mutters, his voice low, but there's a softness to it now, a vulnerability that he doesn't often let others see.

Y/N smiles, her thumb gently tracing the flower behind his ear. “Because you deserve something pretty, Tomura.” She steps back slightly, her eyes meeting his with a warmth that makes his heart ache in a way he can’t describe. "And you’re not as scary as you think you are."

Shigaraki’s expression falters for a moment, that familiar anger flickering in his chest, but it quickly fades as he looks into her eyes. His hand rises to touch the flower, fingers brushing the petals gently. For once, he doesn’t feel the need to destroy anything. He doesn’t feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. He just feels... peace.

Without realizing it, a small, rare smile pulls at his lips. “You really are something, aren’t you?” he says, his voice soft but genuine.

Y/N laughs quietly, her hand finding his. “I could say the same about you.”

They sit down in the grass together, the world around them quiet and still. Shigaraki leans back, looking up at the sky as the sun dips lower, casting a soft light over the garden. Y/N rests her head on his shoulder, content in the simple closeness.

For once, it’s just them—no League, no chaos, no fighting. Just a boy and a girl, in a secret garden, surrounded by the beauty of something that’s not meant to be broken.

Now some jealousy bc I know we can't live without it

Jealous Shigaraki (The Coat Incident):

It’s a crisp evening, and Y/N’s making her usual trek to meet Shigaraki. She’s sneaking through the city streets, a small smile tugging at her lips as she thinks of him waiting for her. But tonight, something’s different. The air has a bite to it, and the cool wind makes her shiver slightly.

She’s walking quickly, but before she can reach the usual spot, a classmate, a friendly guy from UA who’s been getting a bit too close for comfort lately, catches up to her.

“Y/N! You’re walking alone this late? It’s freezing out here!” he exclaims, noticing her shiver. “Here, take this.” Without waiting for her to protest, he pulls off his oversized coat and wraps it around her shoulders. Y/N blinks, surprised by the sudden gesture.

“Thanks, but I’m really okay. I don’t need to—” She starts, but he’s already walking off, waving her off as he disappears down the street.

Sighing, Y/N shrugs and adjusts the coat, wrapping it tightly around her. It’s warm and comforting, and she doesn’t want to risk offending her classmate, so she just keeps walking toward Shigaraki’s hideout. Her mind is preoccupied with thoughts of him, not realizing the potential danger this could cause.

Shigaraki’s Reaction:

Later that night, as Y/N quietly slips into the hideout, she’s greeted by Shigaraki’s intense gaze, waiting for her with that brooding expression he always wears.

“You’re late,” he grumbles, but there’s a hint of something else in his voice—something softer. But as his eyes land on her, they narrow slightly. It’s the coat. The familiar, oversized coat draped across her shoulders. His gaze hardens, and his lips curl into a subtle, irritated frown.

She freezes. Something about the way he’s staring at her makes her heart race. “What’s wrong?” she asks, but she already knows.

His voice is low and tight with barely contained frustration. “Where did you get that?”

Y/N looks down, confused. “Oh, um... It’s just—someone from class gave it to me. I was cold, and they were being nice.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath from Shigaraki. His eyes lock onto her with an intensity that makes the air around them feel heavier. “You let some random classmate give you his coat?” he spits, a dangerous edge creeping into his tone. “Are you trying to make me look like some kind of joke?”

Y/N’s eyes widen at the unexpected outburst. She tries to laugh it off. “Shigaraki, it’s nothing. He was just being—”

He cuts her off, his hand reaching up to pull the coat off her shoulders, his movements quick and harsh. “It’s something,” he snaps, his voice tight with jealousy. “You didn’t even think to take it off before you came here?”

Y/N stands still, unsure of how to react to the sudden tension. Shigaraki’s hands linger on the coat, his fingers twitching slightly as if he wants to rip it apart. But instead, he lets it drop to the floor, a mix of frustration and something else flickering in his eyes.

“I don’t like it,” he mutters darkly, his face twisted in a mix of annoyance and... possessiveness? Y/N can’t quite tell. But she notices the way his fists are clenched, his body rigid with tension.

She takes a small step forward, gently placing her hand on his arm. “It’s not a big deal, really,” she reassures him, trying to ease the sudden storm of emotions swirling around them.

Shigaraki’s eyes flicker toward her hand on his arm, then up to her face. For a moment, there’s a long silence. And then, with a sigh, he pulls her in closer, his fingers curling into her hair, his voice barely a whisper.

“Next time... don’t let anyone touch you. You’re mine.”

Y/N’s breath catches, and she can feel her heart race in her chest. The intensity in his words hits her like a wave, but there’s also something oddly sweet in his possessiveness. She’s seen Shigaraki angry, but this... this feels different. It’s not just about control or power. There’s something more.

“Understood,” she whispers, her face flushing as she looks up at him.

The League’s Reaction:

The next day, as Y/N arrives at the League’s hideout again, the coat incident is still fresh in Shigaraki’s mind. His eyes immediately scan her, making sure she’s not wearing anything that reminds him of last night.

“Better not be wearing that guy’s jacket again,” he mutters, his voice dangerously low.

Y/N grins, amused by how much it’s eating at him. “It’s cold tonight, and I’m not in the mood to freeze,” she teases.

Toga, overhearing their conversation, can’t help but giggle. “Aww, looks like Shigaraki’s got a bit of a jealous streak~!”

Dabi, rolling his eyes, crosses his arms. “This is ridiculous.”

Twice, however, can’t stop grinning. “He’s a total lovesick idiot, and I’m here for it!”

[sitkowski]

you are my truest feeling yet ( nicholas ruffilo x noah sebastian )

pairing: noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo cw: 18+ MDNI ⚠️ soft boys in love, making out, handjobs, spitting (can you spit in a soft way?), car sex, semi-public sex, come eating. word count: 2.1k author's note: more riptide boys again, but the nicky and noah version. this is set before the most recent jolly and folio one. title comes from "sunshine riptide" by fall out boy. divider by @saradika-graphics ☀️

⇉ masterpost || taglist signups || riptide verse masterpost

“Look, I’ve already done everything you need, why are you staring at me like that?”

Nicholas is halfway down the hall when he hears Noah’s voice carrying from the living room. It’s so sudden that it makes him stop for a second, tilting his head to listen. As far as he knew, they were home alone.

“Oh come on, blink or something? What are you…okay, we’re doing this then, fine.”

When Nicholas finally peeks around the corner at the end of the hallway, he sees Noah reclined on the sofa and Lydia is laying on his chest in full loaf mode, staring into Noah’s soul. He can help but grin as he walks further into the room. “Should I be jealous?”

“Should I be scared? She won’t stop staring at me. I didn’t do anything but fill the food bowl and maybe tell her she was pretty. Once, only once.”

“Once is all it takes, isn’t that how you landed me?” Nicholas teases, and Noah flips him off. “I think you’re her favorite now.”

It amuses him how after all this time, Noah is still surprised that the cats like him. And yet, he’ll find Noah explaining television shows to Jerry, or singing songs to Dave when he doesn’t think Nicholas is listening in. He talks to them like they’re people, and if Nicholas hadn’t been in love with him before, that certainly would have sealed the deal for him. Noah’s relationship with Lydia seems to be one of bafflement at her affection for him, but he’s the one who’s got a dopey smile on his face as she kneads her paws into his shirt, both of them as content as ever.

“Hey, do you trust me?” Noah asks suddenly.

Nicholas crouches down on the floor beside the sofa. He reaches out to scratch Lydia beneath her chin and she stretches a paw out, claws dangerously close to Noah’s face. “There isn’t a day I haven’t trusted you, sunshine.”

He can see the way that the words warm something in Noah, and he doesn’t think to ask why he brought it up. But Nicholas answered without hesitation, the trust they’ve built in each other since they got together, even before that, it’s something that he could never be unsure of.

“Will you go somewhere with me?” Noah asks.

It would probably be pointless to tell him that even after being all over the world with him, he’d still go anywhere he asked him to without question. Gently extracting Lydia from Noah’s chest, he gets up and deposits her on the cat tree by the window, before turning to look back at him. “Where are we going?”

He doesn’t get his answer right away. But it’s not the first time he’s gotten into a car with Noah with no answers or a real destination in mind. He’s spent more than his fair share of time in a passenger seat watching Noah, and watching him has always been one of his favorite things. It feels like aimless driving for a while, until the car turns down a dirt road that winds up into the hills. The area scratches a familiar itch in his mind, but he just keeps watching out the windshield. When the car came to a stop at the top of the hill, overlooking the cliffs and the town below, it struck him where they were.

Reaching over, he swatted Noah on the shoulder. “Did you bring me to park?”

“First of all, who calls it parking anymore?” Noah swats him back, before cutting the engine. “Just because this is the first place we ever hooked up that doesn’t mean that’s what I brought you here for.”

“The first—wait, really?”

It hits him then, that it is. They weren’t even together yet, but they’d driven out here one night still riding the adrenaline of a local show. They slept up there that night, leaving the back doors of the van open and watching the sun come up the next morning. It would be a little while longer before they got their shit together, but Nicholas could close his eyes and remember the way that Noah looked sleeping on his chest with the sunrise giving him just enough light to see.

Now, he watches as Noah gets out of the car, and he can help but follow him. He’ll always follow him, he tells himself, anywhere Noah wants to go. They lean against the hood of the car, the sun still high enough in the sky that Nicholas sees everything.

“We’re about to play a show with Linkin Park,” he points out, emphasizing the name, and he sees the way Noah’s trying to fight the giddy smile. “Linkin fucking Park.”

“Linkin fucking Park,” Noah agrees.

“Did you think we’d ever be doing—”

He doesn’t even get the chance to finish asking before Noah’s nodding. “It’s probably conceited to say yes, right? But you and me? Folio and Jolly? I never doubted we’d be here.”

The confidence in Noah’s voice, after everything they’d recently been through with the show cancellations and the break, it makes something squeeze in Nicholas’ chest. Because he gets to see Noah like this, bright and excited. Living out their dreams together.

“So, does playing this show top your birthday?”

He’s only asking him that question to see the way that Noah blushes, and he hangs his head as if his hair is long enough to hide the pink staining his cheeks or the smile on his face. He fully intends to bring it up whenever he wants to get Noah all flustered like this. “Ask me after the show.”

“Last show of the year,” Nicholas says, and he reaches over and slots his fingers through Noah’s. “You good with that?”

Noah nods immediately, squeezing his hand. Nicholas knows that the answer would be different six months ago, but he can see how good this has been for him, for all of them. He thinks about dragging Noah away somewhere warm and sunny for the rest of the year, just the two of them.

“You and me,” Noah repeats, and Nicholas glances up at him. “We were always gonna be here too, you know?”

It’s impossible for Nicholas to hear that and not feel his heart thud in his chest. Noah’s been his for a long time, longer than either of them would admit, but to hear him sound just as sure of that, it’s everything to him. Still, he can’t help but tease him a little.

“When you say here, you mean parked at a makeout spot watching the sun set?”

He thinks that Noah will smile and blush again, but he turns so that he’s standing in front of Nicholas, hands braced on the hood of the car on either side of him. And he’s seen every expression possible on Noah’s face over the years that they’ve known each other, but still the look of pure seriousness on his face makes him think that something could be wrong, that he’s about to drop some kind of emotional bomb on him. He should know better by now though, that he knows Noah better than anyone ever could.

“I love you,” Noah says. “I’ve always loved you, ever since we were kids. I couldn’t imagine being here without you, you know? So yeah, here. At this moment. And yeah, watching the sun set in the spot where I realized I was gonna keep you forever.”

Nicholas groans and presses his forehead against Noah’s sternum, taking a breath. “You romantic asshole. Get in the back seat, right now.”

Noah practically giggles, and Nicholas pushes him towards the car. They tumble into the back seat, Noah sprawled out on his back with Nicholas crawling in on top of him. Somehow, they manage to fit in entirely, Noah’s long legs half folded up behind Nicholas. The second the car door closes, his hands fist in Nicholas’ shirt and one of his knees slides between his thighs. He pulls as if he can get him closer than they already are, his forehead pressing into Nicholas’.

He isn’t sure how long they just press into each other, kissing as if they have all the time in the world. Despite the friction that Nicholas gets from the the leg between his, he’s in no rush while Noah is whining against him, nipping at his bottom lip.

“I love how needy you get,” he murmurs against Noah’s mouth. He reaches down to grasp Noah’s chin, pulling back just enough to be able to meet his eyes in the dying light. “Why don’t you tell me what you need right now, now that you’ve got me back here?”

“I want—”

“No, sweet boy,” Nicholas cuts him off, leaning back. “What do you need?”

Noah lets out a noise that sounds decidedly frustrated, because that’s not usually how this goes. Nicholas normally asks him what he wants, what he deserves. Being asked what he needs in this moment must be a new feeling and he can see the way that he’s wracking his mind for an answer that could be considered right.

“I need your hands on me,” Noah decides after what feels like forever.

Nicholas can work with that. He moves back further, leaning into Noah’s knees as he reaches down and pulls at the waistband of his pants. He helps as much as he can, lifting up from the seat so Nicholas can get his pants and underwear down out of the way. Noah’s almost fully hard in his familiar grasp and he tips his head down over him, gathering spit in his mouth and letting it drip down over his fingers and the head of Noah’s cock. He hears a startled moan above him and raises his eyes to find Noah watching him. Mouth twisting into a smirk, Nicholas starts dragging his hand up and back down, reveling in the way he fights to stretch himself out because there isn’t enough room for that. He looks like he’s trying to decide between the feel of Nicholas’ hand working him over or being able to sprawl like he normally does when he’s like this.

Nicholas makes the decision for him, using his free hand to reach back and pop open the door. He curls himself over Noah’s body, swallowing the relieved noise he lets out when he stretches beneath him. The cool night air seeps in around them, and he feels Noah shiver beneath him. He keeps his touch light and careful, almost teasing. Noah buries his hands in his hair and gasps against his mouth, unable to move much with Nicholas sitting on him the way he is.

“Are you sure you only need my hand, Noah?” Nicholas asks, amusement in his voice.

Noah nods rapidly, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. He tries to push Nicholas up enough to see between them, but the only light there is now comes from the dim overhead in the car. It’s not enough, but Nicholas likes the idea that Noah can’t see the way he’s touching him, but he can feel it. It takes him a second to realize that Noah’s speaking to him and he finally leans back a little. His hand never stops moving.

“What’s that, sunshine?”

“I need to touch you too, Nicky, please?”

He wants to say yes, but something makes him change his mind. He leans down, kisses Noah’s throat, and then shakes his head. “I want to wait until we’re home, okay? This is just for you.”

Noah whines, obviously disappointed that he won’t be able to return the favor right away, but he nods eventually, tipping his head back into the door. His hands grab at any part of Nicholas that he can reach.

"I'm gonna make you come," he promises and Noah whines again. Nicholas works him at a rougher pace, the sound loud in the back seat, but not as loud as Noah's breathing. "And then you're gonna take me home and do whatever you want with me."

"Need," Noah gasps out, squeezing his eyes shut. "Nicky, please!"

He spills over Nicholas’ hand, hips twitching until he’s got to wrap a hand around his wrist and pull Nicholas away. Instead of letting go right away, he pulls Nicholas’ hand up to his mouth, licking his fingers clean. He taps Nicholas’ thigh so he’ll lift up and he can fix his clothes. Nicholas starts to back out of the car, but Noah grabs onto his shirt, pulling him down.

“Why don’t you stay here for a minute?” he says and Nicholas smiles, kissing him softly.

⇉ taglist

@ladyveronikawrites @circle-with-me @deathblacksmoke @dominuslunae

@rumoured-whispers @cookiesupplier @kinseysucks @collapsedglasshouses

@thatchickwiththecamera @th4t-em0-k1d @blackveilomens @illmakeyousaywow

@malice-ov-mercy @itsjustforce @darksigns-exe @baddestomens

@collidewiththesavannah @sorrowsofsilence @fadingangelwisp

if you ’d like to be added to the taglist, you can find the form at the top of this fic! thanks for reading/reblogging 🩷

[mortish-writes]

No Patreon quite yet.

The Bride of Shadows Patreon isn't ready yet, I didn't realize that a month after giving them a picture of myself and a copy of my government ID, and then them saying I was all set, they'd still do an additional review when I was actually ready to launch my Patreon. Apparently this can take as along as a week, but usually takes a couple days.

The Zealot route for Night V is edited and will be ready for early release as soon as the Patreon is up. You will have to start a new game and only the Zealot route is available right now. The Heretic Night V route will be out next week.

The Night V Zealot route is an additional 25,000 words, with two separate branches depending on whether you're aligned with The Weaver. It also has separate endings depending on which RO you have the strongest bond with. There are also breast sizes now. See? I also added the option to refuse The Weaver and...stay dead. Cause apparently the offer to not be dead was frustrating readers.

The name of the patron version is The Nightborn Edition. Right now, it is largely the same as the current build (+Zealot Night V and a few new variables, mostly hidden), but once the Patreon is live we'll be running polls for new content. Our first few polls will be regarding conception/pregnancy since that will start in Night VI. We'll nail down how we want to handle paternity in poly relationships and how random/not random we want things like gender/appearance/multiples to be. Then we'll vote on a new tendency and which tendencies you'd like to see more of. The goal is to make a version tailored to the interests and tastes of patrons, without taking content away from free players.

I've also changed Bound mode for patrons. It will now feature an MFM storyline with the option to go crazy and have an exclusive MF relationship with Valdricht. Serax TBD, I'll explain in the FAQ, no I don't love Valdricht more, there are important plot reasons for it, if you want Serax you can still have him in MFM mode or play MMF mode as the gods intended. I know that the Duskweaver Cultist won out in the poll, but MFM/MF will be much easier to integrate into the existing story at the moment. Also, you get updates earlier and you can support my goal of writing Bride of Shadows full-time.

Hopefully the review process will be quick and I'll do an official Patreon launch announcement/invitation soon. It will be much prettier and more comprehensive than this. In the meantime, I'll be working on the Heretic route for Night V. Just not tonight. I'm going to relax now.

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Off-topic rant don't read unless you have nothing better to do. Sometimes a girl just has to type some feelings in a big block of text. So Bride of Shadows has gotten a ton of new players/followers this week. Idk if it was blessed by the algorithm or what. That's not the rant, I'm incredibly happy about that and insanely grateful. So today while I was trying to set up the Patreon version, I thought I could just add the Patreon edition to my regular page and password lock it. Maybe I can and I just couldn't figure it out, but that's a question to puzzle over another day. Anyway, somewhere in the process of attempting this I restricted the main game for like 30 seconds and it completely removed Bride of Shadows from the Itch algorithm. It went from getting a new follower every 15 minutes to totally disappearing from all the categories. Which sucks because we were doing so good. Like, we were almost in a warm, fuzzy sandwich between the hot succubus game and the sexy Minotaur game and that's without a new release in two weeks. I know, I still can't believe it. Anyway, I think the vanishing is only temporary and it'll creep back into the algorithm again, but I'm too tired to worry about it right now. I cried on the phone with my husband for like 5 minutes about that and Patreon and then he came home with chocolate filled caramels for me. Anyway, it's impossible to be sad while eating them, so I'm feeling much better now but I wanted to rant in a wall of text regardless. In February the big stressful thing was my old blog getting shadowbanned, and I went through this whole 24 hour emotional crisis where I thought the IF was doomed and no one would ever find it again and now this month my crisis is that it was getting tons of followers until I derped the algorithm. It's all to say, sometimes I gotta complain about things that annoy me, but I never lose sight of the bigger picture, which is that I'm writing a story I love and lots of people are enjoying it, so no matter what shenanigans befall me, I don't let it distract me. And if I do get overwhelmed, there are always chocolate filled caramels. And because you read all of this the Nightborn Edition password is "veryeasytoguess". I'll be changing the password once the Patreon launches. In the meantime, feel free to check out the new Zealot night. I hope you'll be able to join the Patreon and help build the Nightborn Edition into something really special. For players in non-Patreon regions or those who hate subscriptions (I totally get it), the Nightborn Edition will be available on Steam once the IF is complete and you're always welcome to submit suggestions for things you'd like to see in the final IF. Also just in case it wasn't clear, the regular free story will still be updated. Night V will be out not long after I finish writing the Heretic route. Thanks for reading, you're all amazing. -Mortish

[blood-grove]

tws; blood, death, body horror , injuries, gore + bones, canniblism, unhealthy coping mechanisms??, no use of y/n, soap focused, this is like so much more horror ish that the first i think pls be safe

a/n: another thing for shapeshifter reader but child :3 had this scenario in my head this is completely different sort of scenario than from the first shapeshifter

Shapeshifter!Reader but everything that went down that first night went even worse two corpses lay on the floor you didn't mean for it to happen it was the Monster to young to comprehend what you'd fully just done wiping the blood off you as you clawed at your mouth trying to get rid the disgusting taste of iron in your mouth.

But it's been a year since then, A year since you've taste the flesh of another person, A year since you sunk your yellowed teeth into someone's face ripping apart any semblance of identity, And a year since you've been in containment you were found quiet easily after the Police were called to your home that faithful night you were sent a rehabilitation facility then to another one and another.

Switched from place to place because they could tell something was wrong with you but finding out what was hard since every test came back human you had no pointed ears, fangs, or tail.

Another year past and the facility had long shut down a month or two now but you still lived stuck in this room Shapeshifters can be killed of course at a age of what 10? 11? You didn't have many forms and you were still so confused to how your powers exactly worked you never shifted at all despite the itch that had been boiling over.

You had roommates of course in the room to keep yourself social.

They were also stuck when the facility went into lockdown mode abandoning its lower value patients.

You were the only one left in the room now.

The room smelt horrible.

You were horrible.

You didn't want to be.

Licking the flesh from there bones kept off starvation.

The illusion of there still breathing body as you ate at them chewing and crunching till there flesh was no more alone but apart of you.

They had kept you alive when there heart was still beating you couldn't remember what they were.

You forced yourself to forget the taste of your flesh fearing you'd dig in for more.

But you did.

Your a parasite.

"Someone's going to get us.."

"I'm sure."

You shifted as you caressed there skull gently idly picking at the last few remaining strands of hair.

You woke to noises the next day everything still all the same the opening of doors and footsteps a new sense of hope running threw you.

A tail unknowingly sprouted out wagging quickly as you clutched the skull tightly as you got us on shaky legs stepping over rotted pieces of the body you couldn't eat and over to the door stepping up on the tip of your toes to try and see out of the window in the door.

Flinching back one a large shadow over casted the door blocking your view.

Your tail wagging in excitement as you walked back from the door to the spot in the middle of the room you'd become accustom too silently wondering if you should move there bones into there spot next to you but the doors code was unlocked before you could.

A man now stared down at you seemingly shocked at either your appearance, the fact your alive, and or the skull in your hands.

Or all of the above.

Fucking hell.

Fucking hell.

This retcon mission was not at all what he expected.

Sure he expected the usually gathering intel, looking for not trashed files or papers, And or looking for new leads.

It always gave Soap the creeps when they went on missions like these in only a couple of months this facility looked like a shit hole.

Cracked tile, Bugs, old rusting equipment.

The mere thought of people being kept here before the places decay still disgusted him.

So it caught him off guard when he picked up scent unfamiliar but he chose to trust his nose radioing in he'd be moving to the east side.

He reached the holding cells even with the locked doors along the hallway he could smell the decay nearly overwhelming his senses.

With one of the keycards he opened a few of the doors at the rare chance of life.

He was foolish to think this of course, How could anything still be alive after been trapped for months.

Yet here he is staring down a very scraggly, dirty, bloodied kid.

Holding a skull.

A Skull?

He quickly pulled himself out of his thoughts as he shifting in place sliding his weapon back into his holster crouching down.

"Hey there—"

He fully expected you to be timid, nervous, and or scared about the random man unlocking your room that was eventually going to be your grave.

He didn't expected for you to barrel into him skull still in hand hugging his arm.

Now he was downright confused.

"It's uh..It's okay- Hey.."

"I-I know they didn't forget us!-"

You started on rambling about something Soap couldn't comprehend fast enough.

"Hey hey-"

You looked up at him with tired eyes still full of life.

"..I'm gonna get you outta here alright..? Me and my friends didn't expect to find anyone..Are you hurt?"

He gave you a look over lucky he had decent enough vision in the dark no serious wounds maybe just a few cuts that had luckily scabbed over already.

"Are you taking me home..?"

"..I don't know yet..But we'll get you warm and nice and clean how about that..?"

"I don't like baths.."

"Well ya' need one- Its gonna help you feel better.."

You huffed stomping your foot which amused him but you really did need a bath he could barely make out your skin color under all the grime, blood , and dirt.

"Mm..Can ye' walk?"

You nodded as you went back into the room for a moment starting to picking up bones off a corpse he failed to noticed was there.

"Wait wait- Don't touch those."

"Why?"

"Because you'll get sick touching..stuff like that."

"But how else are they supposed to come!"

He grimaced for a bit shifting on his feet as his tail flicked.

"I..Look that was your friend yeah?"

"Mhm!"

"How about..You leave them there..And I'll send some more of my friends to come get them.."

You mulled over the choice for a while looking down to the skull in your hands tracing over a crack before deciding to leave rest of the body tucking it in like a doll before heading back over to the man still holding onto the skull how else re they supposed to see the outside?.

"Whats your name?"

"John..But my friends call me Soap."

"That's a silly name!"

"Hmph..Alright what's your name?"

"[Name]"

"Now that's a silly name-"

"Nuh uh!"

He chuckled as you huffed.

But he quickly regained his composure, He radioed in his little discovery afterwards gently ask you if he could pick you up which you allowed you were scarily light for your age.

He sighed his tail slowly swaying quietly listening as you rambled on about something.

You eventually went still after a few telling yawns, He guessed you must be horrible sleep deprived being next to a corpse couldn't have gave you good rest.

So he just kept quiet as he could still saying vigilant as he updated his position every so often as you slept.

a/n; honestly im feeling so bad at so sorry it started to downgrade at the end i couldn't think clear it starts to fall off so bad cuz head empty </3 might post some old thoughts abt how my ver of shapeshifters work....

[ymaohoh]

Masterlist

So I've fallen right into the deep end of the HellCheer fandom. Ride or die. I'm in love with Chrissy Cunningham and Eddie Munson. The fans are fucking talented too, alright? I've been binging fics and the artwork but there's certain troupes/ideas/prompts that keep rattling away in my brainbox. I'm going to note them here for if (or when) I maybe write something for the two...but (public service announcement) if anyone knows a fic out there which can scratch these little itches please link me up.

Updated: 18.04.24

My Completed Fics

Chrissy starts dating. Eddie's not thrilled - Dating Chrissy - oneshot

Eddie wants to buy something nice for Chrissy. Candles are romantic, right? He ventures on a quest to the mall - Yankee Candle Baby - oneshot.

Chrissy is such a Brat with Eddie and Jason watches it (while hiding). Jason's POV - Chrissy Cunningham is a Brat - oneshot - mature

What if Chrissy ran from Eddie after her vision? What if it pushed them apart? They later share a joint and things get much much worse. My take on 'Chrissy lives' but it takes a little while for them to get back on the same page - Chrissy Runs Away - Chapter 3/3.

Eddie and Chrissy have unprotected sex against a brick wall after his gig because they can't wait - “We could always just…do it anyway?" - oneshot - mature

Eddie and Chrissy die but they're summoned again for the final fight Ft. time travel and angst - my hope for season 5 - Howl - oneshot

Gender Swap AU where Ellie Munson saves Chris Cunningham - a play on 'Chrissy Lives' - Rule 63' - oneshot

Ongoing

Vecna keeps Chrissy in hell - 'and she's a bride of the fucking devil' - 2/2 chapters.

My Mess of Drabbles

Eddie dies and Chrissy is waiting for him - end of passion play, crumbling away - short drabble only

Chrissy the Vampire Slayer AU

Labyrinth AU

X-Files AU

Pirates AU

Stardust AU

Jason joins the good side AU

Photocheer moodboard (Chrissy x Jonathan)

Headcannon Prompts

Max's relationship with Hellcheer

Dustin's relationship with Hellcheer

Chrissy and Wayne Munson's (beautiful) relationship

Chrissy and The Party headcanons

Favourite Fanfictions Masterlist

Need a new fic? Not sure where to start? Check out these INCREDIBLE Hellcheer fanfictions

In need of/ Prompts

Chrissy gets her first tattoo. A cliche at this point no? I'm torn between her getting this done without Eddie knowing as a surprise, or if I want him right there holding her hand.

Eddy eyeing her up in the school cafeteria or class. Basically Eddy simping over Chrissy.

Anything with Eddie and Chrissy reuniting after death / or in the upside-down (manifesting the second).

Chrissy and Eddie getting high together. Maybe a dash of 'will I remember any of this tomorrow?' as they confess their feelings and frustrations.

Eddie loves Chrissy in a sundress. The more feminine, girly, and flouncy the better. He wants to get his hands under it.

He also loves her in a Hellfire top. Anything really that marks her subtly as his.

Other character POV's watching them flirt. Sweet sweet music to my...eyes?

He loves it when she wears one of his rings. She has plenty of her own jewelry (and it's all real gold/expensive/fit for a princess) but it doesn't mean anything really. Her eyes light up at his rings, though.

Together they create a D&D character for her to practice with. They discuss what type she's most likely to be (Eddie's a bard right?). I'm feeling Chrissy might also have that bard energy (she's THE hype girl, right?) or a healer? They definitely get distracted though and don't actually finish it.

He is a rambler. He talks when he's nervous - and Chrissy finds it easy to keep up.

Chrissy tells the jocks to leave the Hellfire club alone in the school corridor. She gets annoyed when she hears them referring to the kids as 'freaks'. Eddie adores the fire and nerve he sees in her eyes because it only really ever comes out when she's in protective mode (bonus points 1) if she tells Jason to fuck off 2) she walks away with the Hellfire club after).

Chrissy is the only one who gets him to study (and pass). He knows he has a reason to now, you know? They've got plans and he isn't wasting time.

Eddie has doubts about Chrissy really truly loving him - she's way out of his league, after all, so she makes sure to create visual reminders. She takes their photo together and tacks it up in her locker for all to see.

Eddie loves fucking Chrissy in her cheerleading uniform. She loves fucking him when he's backstage. They will want to mark their place in each other's bizarre worlds.

Eddie worries about his future with Chrissy (what's his dumbass supposed to do while she excels at college?) but he likes the way his last name suits her.

Eddie is ONLY soft for Chrissy. A scene where he's trying to be big and scary for the club and she unknowingly fractures this image by doing something oh so achingly cute. Maybe she giggles or squee's during a D&D session? It takes him ages to drag himself back into his DM role.

I'll be adding to this , fo' sure.

Is there an official name for this dynamic? Unpopular baddass x sunshine princess?

All aboard the ship. Ahoy ahoy.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

I don’t quite have a theme for the last ones so it’s just stories I love and can’t wait to read more of!

⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️⏲️ (so excited about this one! They’re all being weird! They’ve got a whole shift with nothing to do but get it all out in the open! It’s already giving me the vibes of the 118 circle of forced group therapy at the end of Four Can Keep a Secret - I love it!! Can’t wait to delve into it all! Especially Buddie weirdness - my theory is that one of them made a move, the other accidentally did something stupid in response, and now they’re both in their heads and refusing to talk it out - because why communicate when you can spiral and inevitably erupt in front of your coworkers?)

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 (this one currently has me switching between going “aw poor eddie” and “aw poor maddie” - I really hope things get better for them soon! And I’m glad that maddie reached out to shannon hopefully she can help maddie get through it all a bit easier)

- PCA <3

Thank you!

87 for ⏲️ (THANKS! It's definitely got the Four Can Keep A Secret vibe in mind when writing it - and good theory)

---

“So, then, you’d know better than anyone what’s up with him,” Chim says. “Did you guys have a fight? What did you do?”

“What did I do?” Buck asks. “Why do you always assume it was me?” 

“It’s usually you,” Chim says. “He does something that you blow out of proportion, and you get freaky about it. So what did you get freaky about?”

Buck huffs. That may be true. In that past, anyway. This time, though? This time it’s on Eddie. 

“That’s not what happened here,” Buck mumbles. 

“So something did happen?” Chim asks. 

Buck sighs. “Yeah, something happened.”

“Are you going to tell me?” Chim presses. “I’m your brother, man. You can tell me.”

And honestly? Buck wants to. He wants to confide in someone about this. He’s sort of itching to. But this isn’t something he can just share.

“If you want to know,” Buck exhales. “You have to ask Eddie. It’s not my story to tell.”

Even saying that sort of feels like a betrayal.

1:55pm

Eddie is reading a book on the roof. He’s been doing that lately. Reading. There are a lot of reasons for that. For one, after the whole Kim situation, he had begun to wonder if he let his brain atrophy. Seriously, he’s worried he’s stupid, just a little bit. Second, Father Brian told him to do things that make him uncomplicatedly happy, and as a kid, sometimes, reading did that. Third, he was fucking bored all the time in El Paso. He had to do something. 

So here he is, sitting on the fire station roof, reading a science fiction book that his son had enthused about, wondering if he’s about to be that bored again. He wonders if he just likes to toss himself between modes of exile. He still feels stupid. 

Chim eventually joins him on the roof. Which isn’t why Eddie came to the roof. He came to the roof to be alone. 

“Hey, man,” Chim says, taking a seat beside him. “What’cha reading?”

Eddie sighs. “I don’t know. My kid says there’s a lot of space ships and explosions, but I haven’t gotten there yet.”

Chim nods. “Cool. Sure you can’t feed it through the living word scanner that is your adult, platonic roommate and get him to summarize the fun bits?”

Eddie doesn’t know whether to laugh at the descriptor or weep at adult, platonic. 

“That’s an idea,” Eddie mumbles.

“Unless there’s a reason you couldn’t,” Chim probes.

Oh my fucking god.

“What did Buck tell you?” Eddie asks dryly.

“Nothing,” Chim sighs. “That’s the troubling thing. Just said it wasn’t his fault and I’d have to ask you if I wanted to know.”

Why would this somehow be easier if Buck talked? If Eddie had a reason to be angry? Then he could feel less guilt. 

“Well, he’s half right,” Eddie sighs. “It’s my fault.”

“Half wrong?” Chim asks.

“Yep,” Eddie confirms. “Because I’m not going to talk about it, either.”

Chimney groans. “Why is everyone so messy today? Can’t just one of you talk through your shit like adults?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “I’m not letting it impact my work. I don’t see the issue.”

“What work, Eddie?” Chim demands. “We aren’t working!”

“So what? We aren’t working so we trade gossip?” Eddie asks.

Chim frowns. “That’s exactly what we do and you know it.”

---

66 for 🔼 (they're both really going through it!)

---

“Remember when I tried lying?”

He smiles a little sadly. “Yeah. I’m really glad things didn’t end up going that way. Obviously.”

Obviously. Or they wouldn’t have Jane.

“So work with me here,” she says.

He nods. “I’ll go to therapy.”

ii.

Eddie has his first session with Frank right around the same time Buck helps Chimney check Maddie into an inpatient treatment facility for her Postpartum Depression. The center is in Irvine. It’ll be a lot of driving back and forth for Chim and Buck to visit her. But, as far as Eddie can gather, it’s what she needs. And he thinks she’s brave for going after what she needs, even though Eddie can’t imagine it was an easy choice to leave her daughter for a little while. 

It sort of puts his own anxiety about a single therapy appointment into perspective. He sucks it up, but the anxiety is still there.

He starts his session with a question to Frank. Well, it’s not phrased like a question. It’s phrased like a statement, but one that doesn’t involve him, entirely. 

“My wife thinks I should take a longer leave from active duty.”

“Okay,” Frank nods. “And what do you think?”

“I’m not sure,” Eddie admits. “I… I’m cleared to work.”

“But you think she might be right?” Frank asks.

Eddie nods.

“Okay,” he says. “Let’s talk about it.”

So they do. 

Eddie tells him about the shooting. The recovery. The hard shift during the blackout. He tells him about Shannon and Buck, struggling to explain their relationship without worrying about some degree of judgement. But there is none. Frank just listens. He asks Eddie about the army. About his first near-death, without getting into any real detail. He digs at Eddie’s soft spots with a brush rather than a shovel. 

And in the end, he says something Eddie almost wasn’t expecting to hear. 

“I think it would make a lot of sense for you to take some more time off of active duty.”

Eddie blinks. “Really?”

“Really,” Frank nods. “Why? Did you think it was an unreasonable request?”

“I mean… Kind of. Yeah,” Eddie admits. “I trust Shannon’s opinion, but… But I mean, I wasn’t even allowed to take a sick day as a kid unless I had a fever, so…”

“So if you’re cleared, why not work?” Frank fills in. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says.

“Because you love your job and you want to do the best at it that you can,” Frank says. “And you nearly died, for a second time, unexpectedly and in a similar manner. I think, personally, that spending some time processing that, while not dealing with your physical recovery or high-stakes job, will benefit you.”

Eddie takes a deep breath. “That’s an option?”

“Yes, Eddie. It’s absolutely an option.”

“Okay,” Eddie replies. “That’s what I want to do then. Just… Not permanently.”