#it's very pretty out!!!! love 6/7am. would love them more if i got more than 5 hours of sleep.

[intertexts]

disgusting time of day to be awake tbh.

[plaindangan]

Woohoo! First time sending an ask here, love the blog. 🤍🖤 Hope this isn't too much. "Nude Work Day" for Angie and Shuko Saihara/Suichi's Mom, but little does they realize it's also "Twerk Work Day". Much to the amusement of OSHA inspector Junko Enoshima, who's doing her monthly routine inspection. -🐔 anon

Disclaimer: R18 material! If not to your liking then please do not view!

Now for Angie, nude work day was pretty much a 'everyday' sort of affair. Not all day, mind you, but every 6 AM - 7AM, Angie would be buck naked, hips swinging and elongated into elaborate poses. Why? Because she has a special yoga class that she loved to do! For a fee that can best be described as 'better hack off that arm', one can adopt Angie's isle style yoga and better connect with one one's spiritual side.

While most might be wary of it, Shuko Saihara was one of the few that immediately took a shining to it. Sure, she basically had to stand about in a wooden shack that poorly kept out the draft towards her voluptuous nude body. Sure, she basically had to let Angie give her a 'hand-on' demonstration that involved copious amount of fondling and groping to get Shuko into position. Sure, she had to deal with Angie recording their 'sweaty salvation-inducing stretches' for 'references' material (which she could have sworn wound up on porn site sometime later...)

But! It was working! Shuko has never felt so nimble, energetic and more in tune with herself than ever. Well, admittedly, 'in tune' sort of flip-flopped between feeling more stable to 'God, I could use a hunk to mating press me right now', but the sentiment was there!! It was enough that Shuko happily spent thousands to continue her sessions, and was eventually appointed to being a sort of vice leader in Angie's operations.

Of course, nothing can remain serene for long~ Because Junko Enoshima exists very much to wreck any good thing thing for shits and giggles!~ And, today, she chose to interfere in Angie's work as her source of entertainment.

And what a day she chose, for when she entered the workshop, she found both artist and detective MILF face down, and ass up. Not only that, but they were also clapping their booties with quite a bit of intensity, though both differed in technique. Angie's booty was smaller, yet she was more fervent in action, shaking her booty in a rhythmic blur. Like a devoted follower proving her worth to her God. As for Shuko, while her booty was bigger, and more doughy, she was clearly less experienced. Her shakes were more violent and a bit awkward, but it still made for an appealing sight.

When Junko walked up to them she showed them the OSHA papers for their shack, and how it was clearly not up to code. However!!!! She was willing to let it slide...if they were willing to take another 'inspection'~ Something neither could refuse given what was on the line.

So, for the stragglers coming into the workshop for their weekly session, they would see quite the unusual sight. For some who got their early, they'd first see Junko press Shuko against the wall, a pair of gloved hands digging deep into her pussy with her fingers, while the other hand fondled the buns that teased her moments ago. Not stopping even as the MILF would undoubtedly cum hard from the 'thoroughness' of her search.

Those that came in later would get a full view of Angie's inspection. For this one, Junko had Angie laid on her back, legs spread apart and be utterly helpless as Junko's hands would find it's way all about her thighs and backside. Speaking of which, Junko really had a fondness for it given how many fingers prying and teaser her pucker. And Atua could only give Angie fortitude, as Junko would eventually plop her phat, model, ass on-top of the artist. Grinding her soft butt against the face of Angie as she continued to tease her in front of so many who respected her as their teacher~ In front of so many who would see her cum!

Angie would be offended, but given how this was clearly 'Atua's will' for this to happen to her (and how much money was made online from this incident) all she could do was praise her creator and try to organize something with Junko to do something like this again for the nearby future.

[iwa-ch4n]

haikyuu sibling hcs

i am returning from the dead because of this, which has me going insane every time i think about it. there will probably be a part two of this. i simply cannot get it out of my mind

nishinoya’s sisters

all of them are older than him, but I’d say one is a year older than him (3rd year), one is four years older (3rd year of uni) and one is six years older (graduated a year ago)

the nishinoya’s are a Loud family. they are constantly yelling at each other, whether in an argument or just to talk to each other. they’re also all very messy, with the middle sister being the lesser of four evils by actually returning cups and dishes to the kitchen (she goes to all their rooms while she’s at it)

the eldest is the one who got nishinoya into volleyball. she played in high school, and she taught little 9-year-old yuu in the back garden as a reward for finishing his homework. she played non-competitively at uni and dropped it after, but she’ll still always practice with him whenever she’s home

the youngest sister dresses like an egirl and has the bleached streaks at the front of her hair. she had leftover bleach when doing it, so she convinced yuu to do a matching style, which is the origin story of the blonde streak in his hair

the youngest sister also plays football (soccer), and they help each other practice. they’re absolutely best friends.

all of them are Fiercely protective of each other. he likes to think he’s the one protecting them all the time but in reality he is the baby of the family and they would all rather die than let anyone so much as lay a finger on him

the middle sister is the only one with good grades, and they always say she has all the brain cells between the four of them. she also sleeps until 1pm (which doesn’t mix well with yuu’s tendency to wake up at 7am acting like he’s had three energy drinks) and went through a lot of boyfriends in high school (yuu tried to intimidate all of them, and failed, because he was 13 and short as hell). they get along better now she’s moved out.

the eldest is only a mature functional adult because she had to stop the rest from injuring themselves or each other constantly when they were kids. she’s the go-to for advice for all of them, but will always go to her brother when she needs to rant

the eldest got All of the height. she is a tall woman and she likes to use her siblings as armrests to make them feel even smaller. gives good hugs but also slaps her siblings around the head as a form of greeting

they taught yuu about style and respecting women. he chose not to listen when it came to style and wears ugly tshirts with funny slogans anyway, but he would beat up a misogynist.

asahi had a bit of a crush on the youngest sister for part of their second year and will NEVER admit it

overall they are chaotic, loud and messy but they get along really well, simultaneous hell yeah and big rip for the parents.

suga’s brother

ok listen he’s 7 (11 years younger) and babysitting him is part of the reason koushi became an elementary school teacher

he is o b s e s s e d with dinosaurs, tsukishima begrudgingly and secretly gives koushi his old, more childish dino-themed things to pass on to the kid

absolutely idolises his brother. wants to be Exactly like him. he rlly tries hard in school because of it (even though he has a pretty short attention span)

also wants to play volleyball bc of suga, and is his brother’s biggest hypeman

terrified of daichi but loves asahi. its asahi’s biggest win

makes suga watch disney movies with him (he doesn’t actually make him, its unclear which one of them enjoys it more)

kyoutani’s sister

she’s 23 (6 years older) and the COOLEST BITCH

has a sort of indie / grunge style, basically that fun y2k-ish style but with more chains and fishnets

plays electric guitar, has a bunch of stick and pokes, wears doc martens and is doing a masters degree in journalism.

please i’m in love with her

she had a massive emo / punk phase back when kentarou was 10 and thought she was the most amazing person alive. he started trying to be punk like her and it stuck

they would kill and die for each other but argue All The Time. especially when he was like 13-14. basically hated each other but now they very much respect each other

(she’s the only person he fully respects other than iwaizumi)

they would play fight all the time that almost verged on genuine physical fighting. they still do sometimes, and she wins 90% of the time.

for personal reasons i am going to say she’s bisexual

if you ever think kentarou would have anything negative to say about women or gays, you are wrong. if you say anything bigoted its an attack on his sister and he will beat you up about it

literally has to keep her away from the volleyball team because they met her once and oikawa tried to flirt with her and he is never suffering through that again

she helps him cut and bleach his hair and he helps her dye hers fun colours sometimes

overall the literal coolest person ever i would die for her

kuroo’s sister

okay I’d say she’s probably,,, 22. four years older.

the most put together person you will meet in your life. its honestly scary how organised she is. time management queen.

the science genes run in the family. just started a master’s degree in biology and plans to do a PhD

every teacher that taught her expects tetsurou to be just as smart and capable. it annoys him, even though he gets the grades, because they assume he’s gonna be just as well behaved and organised as her. that man has not handed in a homework assignment in his life.

she has Long Ass, Thick Ass Hair and if she ever lets it get slightly out of hand it looks like a Nightmare

still hates tetsurou for making her practice volleyball with him when she was 12. she missed the season finale of a show she liked and then got it spoiled for her because she was helping him and she still holds a grudge about it

may be put together, but she’s still fun. will buy tetsurou alcohol if he asks her to (not too much tho, so parents don’t catch on)

he tries to flirt with her friends and she hates him for it (the newer ones that meet him when he’s like 18 seem to enjoy it and she hates that even more)

is Very intimidated by tetsurou’s volleyball team, will still bully him in front of them tho. when her and kenma team up they are ruthless and if he didn’t know they were joking he’d probably cry

yaku pretended to have a crush on her for almost a whole year in second year to annoy tetsurou. he even got her in on it and ‘asked her out’. it was the longest and most worthwhile con he’s ever pulled.

[solarune]

flowers in your hair

part of @neo-cult-ure​‘s colours collab! | masterlist + prologue

pairing: lee taeyong x fem!reader (feat. a nosy lee donghyuck, childhood best friend quian kun, and college best friend/co-worker johnny seo)

genre: fluff, soulmate au, florist au, coffee shop au, idiots (literally) to lovers

warnings: taeyong being too cute to be real, florist!taeyong, coffee shop owner!reader, donghyuck is annoying, reader has a nightmare, switches to taeyong’s pov for one part

word count: 10,577

summary: what you know about your soulmate taeyong in the 6 years that you’ve known him: he has 6 tattoos but is already planning on getting 4 more, he loves his dog ruby very much, he has only ever shared his banana bread recipe with one person (you), his mom makes the best kimchi jjigae in the entire world, his favorite color is pink, and he is the man of your dreams. literally.

what you don’t know about taeyong: what he looks like.

what you know about the owner of the new flower shop across the street: he has light brown hair, he’s a caffeine addict (if his cousin donghyuck picking up coffee 5 days a week says anything about it), and he is your enemy by association (according to kun). 

what you don’t know about the florist: his name.

a/n: i’ve wanted to write a florist!taeyong fic for the longest time and i finally got to!! thank you so much to @neo-cult-ure​ for reaching out to me to be part of this collab and please please please check out the rest of the fics because they were all written by some really talented writers!! thank you to @jungwoohoos​ for checking this fic over as she’s done with my others ily. hope you enjoy and feedback is always appreciated :-)

When you open your eyes, you can’t help but feel like something is off. You can’t quite put a finger on it but something feels strange. But perhaps it was that strange dream that you had last night. Something about picking a color and finding your soulmate? The details of the dream were already escaping you but it doesn’t matter because you have to start getting ready for school-

Wait. School?

You sit up in bed and realize that you’re back in your childhood bedroom. You can even hear your dad singing in the shower judging by the terrible vocals that you can hear through your closed door. But why are you at your parents’ house? You look at your bedside table and see your phone and a letter with your name on it beside it. Picking up your phone, you check the time and realize that it’s 7am but it’s the date that throws you off; it’s 8 years behind. You pick up the envelope and slide your finger under the flap, hoping that whatever was inside would help you figure out just what exactly was going on.

Dear Y/N,

You’re probably wondering what’s going on. Your memories from our reality are mixing with your memories from the reality that you’re in so life is going to be a bit confusing. Good thing I wrote this letter to explain, huh? My name is Cyan. I’m the woman you ran into and told you to pick a color to find your soulmate. Yes, that was real, it wasn’t a dream. You’re currently in an alternate universe and your goal is to find your soulmate. Once you do that, you will return back to our reality and you and your soulmate will have the memories from the alternate reality. It’s your job to not only find them in the alternate reality but in our reality as well. This sounds difficult but don’t worry. Fortunately, you and your soulmate are able to meet in your dreams. However, I don’t know the exact details about that so you’ll have to figure them out yourself. Good luck and hopefully we’ll see each other soon!

All the best,

Cyan xoxo

You sit in bed for the next 5 minutes, trying to process everything in the short letter. You have a soulmate? You’re in an alternate reality? And not only that but you’re a teenager again so now you have to go back to high school? And what about your reality? How does time work here? Is this like a Narnia thing where you’re gone for years but return at the exact moment that you left? Or are you there for a week but 10 years have passed when you go back? And what the hell did “Cyan” mean about meeting your soulmate in your-

“Y/N! Are you awake? You’re supposed to leave in 20 minutes!”

Everywhere you turned, people were always talking about soulmates. Was there ever a time that we didn’t ever know who our soulmate is? How are we able to communicate with each other in our dreams? What about the people who don’t actually end up with their soulmate in the end? But you didn’t care about that. Especially in this very moment. Soulmates, in fact, aren’t real at all.

At least, you wish they weren’t real right now.

Because then Doyoung wouldn’t have broken up with you just because he finally dreamt about his soulmate last night. You’d probably be with him right now, watching whatever cult classic movie he thinks you just have to see because you made a comment once about never watching Fight Club during 8th grade. If he hadn’t had that dumb dream, your 2 year relationship wouldn’t be a flaming pile of garbage right now and you wouldn’t have the new drugstore eyeliner that Yejin had recommended to you running down your face.

“Wanna see this video that Xiaojun sent me of his dog?” Kun asks you, effectively breaking the hour of silence that the two of you have been sitting in, the only noise coming from your spontaneous bouts of crying and the videos on Kun’s phone as he scrolls through TikTok. After seeing that state that you were in at school when Doyoung broke up with you that morning, Kun knew that he wasn’t going to leave you alone today. You turn over to face him with a sigh, your head propped up on your hand as you watch Kun’s cousin’s dog run around their living room. But even an overexcited puppy isn’t enough to lift your spirits, something that Kun notices immediately and he frowns. “Listen, Doyoung didn’t deserve you and you know that and if given permission, I wouldn’t hesitate to dropkick him for you. You’ll find your soulmate eventually, and I’m sure they’ll be everything you actually need in a partner.”

You wrinkle your nose at his words; you and Kun have been best friends since you were 5 so it’s weird to hear him saying this cheesy stuff to you sometimes. “That was really nice and I really appreciate that, Kun, but please don’t tell me that you’re about to confess your feelings to me.” You laugh loudly when your best friend shoves you, returning his glare with a smirk as you attempt to smother him in a hug. “I’ll always love you but-”

“Y/N, I’m just trying to be a good best friend,” Kun rolls his eyes as he goes back to looking at his phone. “Your life isn’t one of those fanfictions you used to read when you were 15.”

“Yeah because if it were, the universe wouldn’t have made my boyfriend of 2 years dump me the day before my birthday!”

That night, you roll over in your bed for what feels like the millionth time. You check the time on your phone again and groan at the late hour, mentally preparing yourself for the exhaustion that you’re bound to feel tomorrow. You wonder if turning 18 will feel any different. Will you dream about your soulmate tonight? Not like you’re too eager to talk to any guy in a non-platonic way but it would still be cool. You wonder what they’re like; what’s their favorite color, what’s their favorite place to go to clear their head, do they like to look at the stars just as much as you do? You feel yourself grow tired as you think about your soulmate and force yourself to not think about Doyoung, your eyes finally closing as you wonder if your soulmate likes flowers.

“Thanks for coming tonight. Want some cake?”

Someone places a slice of cake into your hands and when you look up to thank the person, all you can see are deep brown eyes. Both literally and figuratively; their eyes are very nice but they’re also blurry. You blink a couple of times and squint to get a better look at them but even when they’re standing so close to you, you can’t seem to make out any distinct features at all. You look around at all of the other partygoers and find that you can see them all just fine, so why can’t you see this person?

“My name’s Taeyong. And judging by the fact that you’re the only person in here that I can’t see, I’m going to guess that you’re my soulmate and you also can’t see me. Am I right?” they say to you, and even though you can’t see him, you can tell that there’s a smile on his face. 

You stick your hand out and, even though he can’t see you, you smile at Taeyong. “My name is Y/N.”

Taeyong shakes your hand but rather than letting go, his grip tightens ever so slightly and his hand slides across yours to grip it as he leads you away from the spot you were standing in. He takes you outside, the cool night air refreshing on your skin and the moonlight making everything glow ethereally. He sits on the grass in the middle of the yard and gestures for you to do the same, laughing quietly to himself when he sees you looking up at the night sky in awe. You take a seat next time, your eyes never leaving in the sky as you whisper, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many stars before.”

“Do you like looking at the stars?” Taeyong asks.

You nod, your gaze finally leaving the sky above you to look at the boy next to you. “They’re pretty. And they make me feel… seen. The light from those stars, which are most definitely dead by now, travelled millions of light years just for us to see them, and they see us too. I don’t really know how to explain it but looking at the stars just makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.”

“Whenever I visited my grandparents, my grandpa would take me outside and show me all of these constellations using his telescope. Everything I know about the stars and the planets are because of him.” Taeyong goes quiet and you wait. From the way he’s looking down and pulling up blades of grass, you can tell that what he’s going to say next is important. “He died when I was 16. Some drunk driver who couldn’t tell the difference between the road and the sidewalk. I was so sad after he died.” You place your hand on his knee as a sign of comfort, not wanting to push him since you two just met. He lets out a mirthless laugh and you can’t help but smile sympathetically. “I stayed with my grandma for that entire summer after it happened. One night I was using his telescope and I couldn’t get it to focus properly and I just got so mad that I broke it. I cried after that and my grandma found me the next morning, sleeping out in the yard next to the broken telescope. She yelled at me, not because I broke his telescope, but because I could’ve gotten sick.”

“He sounds like a great man,” you murmur. “I’m sure he’s proud of you and that he misses you just as much as you miss him.”

Taeyong hums beside you, the two of you continuing to look up at the stars in silence. “So,” he says loudly to break the silence. “Any sad childhood stories you want to tell me? Since apparently I’ve decided that that’s what we’re going to do the first time that we meet.”

You burst out laughing at that, and even though you just got your heartbroken, you think that having a soulmate won’t be that bad after all. “I think we’re going to have to at least be friends before I tell you all about my traumas.”

The boy beside you gets up and offers a hand down to you, helping you stand up. “Friends?” he asks incredulously. “We’re soulmates!”

“All I know about you is that your name is Taeyong and that you broke your dead grandpa’s telescope while stargazing,” you point out. 

You turn to look at him and your breath hitches, finally noticing that Taeyong is completely facing you and is standing very close to you. He takes both his hands in yours and you look up at him, and even though you couldn’t make out his facial features, you could feel his hands in yours and the warmth radiating off of him and that was enough. There’s this inexplicable pull in your stomach that makes you want to move even closer to him and just as you can feel yourself lift your foot up to take that first step, you panic and take a giant step back instead, letting Taeyong’s hands fall to his side.

“I’m sorry, did I do something wrong? Did I say something to offend you?” your soulmate asks, taking a step towards you but stopping when you put your hands up.

“You didn’t do anything, Taeyong, don’t worry,” you reassure him. “It’s just that…” You bite your lower lip in worry, wondering if talking about your personal life was appropriate in this situation. But he did just tell you something personal about him- “My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me today so I’m not looking to rush into anything any time soon. I know that we’re soulmates but I need time to heal and be my own person.”

Taeyong doesn’t say anything for a bit and you wonder if you’ve told him too much. Just as you begin to think of ways to stop yourself from sleeping ever again so you don’t have to see him, he surprises you. “Out of all the people the universe could have put me together with, it just had to be you. I think we’re going to be great friends in no time!”

He holds his hand out for you and you take it, allowing him to lead you back to the party.

When you wake up, the first thing you see are the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling. Even though they’re nothing like the ones you saw in your dream, you can’t help but think of your soulmate’s grandfather. After a few minutes, you realize that you don’t remember your soulmate’s name or the story he told you about his grandfather.

“Great, so all I know about him is that he likes to stargaze with his grandpa-”

“Y/N, who are you talking to? Are you getting ready for school?”

Your meetings with Taeyong usually consist of you trying to remember at least one thing about the other, hoping that the repetition will be enough to get something to stick when you wake up that morning. The two of you are in Taeyong’s dream tonight (as you usually are since you rarely dream and if you do, usually it’s about someone trying to kill you), walking through a park full of cherry blossom trees with your arms linked together. He leads you over to a bench where you both sit in silence for a bit, the two of you lost in your own separate thoughts.

“So,” Taeyong says to break the silence. “We both leave for university tomorrow.”

You look over at him to find him already looking at you, and even though you can’t see him, you know that you share the same feelings he’s experiencing right now. “I know, it’ll be weird, right? One step closer to being in the adult world and all that. What higher power decided that I’m capable of being an adult?”

Taeyong’s hand brushes over yours and hovers hesitantly before taking it in his own. You let it happen because you know that he doesn’t mean anything by it. He’s just as scared as you are, so why not find comfort in the person that’s supposed to be in your life forever? You squeeze his hand and rest your head on his shoulder, inhaling the sweet scent of the cherry blossoms before sighing deeply. Everything is about to change.

Your soulmate hums in consideration, shifting his body closer to you to make you more comfortable. “Well I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to college so I can be an adult,” he confesses. “I’m going because I want to get drunk off my ass with my friends.”

You roll your eyes at his joke, sitting up straight so you could playfully shove him. “Oh shut up, Taeyong, you know you’re gonna be the best astronomer out there.”

He shrugs in response, fiddling with your hand in his lap as he looks out at the trees in front of you. “We’ll see. Life is crazy; we might end up somewhere we weren’t even expecting.”

And Taeyong was right. Life is crazy. Yours and Taeyong’s first year at university was hard. You were pursuing a major in economics while Taeyong was pursuing a major in physics with a concentration in astronomy. The two of you were so stressed your first year that you barely got to meet in your dreams because neither of you had any; you just slept. Your lives were: wake up, go to class, do work for the rest of the day, find some time to eat in between all of that, and then sleep just enough to keep you alive. 

But you knew that you couldn’t do this for another 3 years. You ended up switching to a major in food science and nutrition with a minor in business while Taeyong switched to a major in plant science. During your time at university, the two of you tried as best as you could to remember where the other went to school so you could try to meet somewhere in the middle but the most you could remember by the end of your third year was that you both go to school in Seoul.

(“You remember that we’re both in Seoul, so that’s good!” Taeyong reassures you one night as you whine about still not being able to meet each other. “We’re one step closer!”

“Yong, Seoul is huge and there’s so many universities here. How are we supposed to narrow it down?” you pout as you lean forward to rest your forehead against his chest.

Taeyong sighs and pats your head, not knowing what else to say because he knows you’re right. But he won’t give up hope; he knows he’ll see you soon. Just as he’s about to answer, the room around you goes dark and you hear the creaking of floorboards above you. He can see the fear in your eyes when he meets your gaze and his heart begins to pound. There’s a loud bang from upstairs and you immediately run out of the building you were in. 

“You know, I’m really starting to hate your dreams. Maybe this is why we can’t remember anything, because we’re too busy running for our lives like we’re in a horror movie!”

When you woke up that morning, all you could remember was that he hates being in your dreams.)

By the beginning of your last year, the two of you agreed to stop trying so hard to meet each other. You assume that the universe just isn’t ready for the two of you to meet yet so you might as well enjoy just spending time with each other. Taeyong agrees and surprisingly, it works. You start to remember more and more about him—small things like his dog’s name and that the scar next to his eye resembles a rose—so you start to write them down. You even make a list of things that happen every day that you would want to tell him just in case you see each other that night.

Last night, you finally remembered the recipe for his banana bread, something that took you nearly an entire year to learn. You grab your journal from your desk and write down the recipe, humming in satisfaction when you write down the last ingredient. You read over the other things you’ve learned about Taeyong over the years—his favorite color is pink, he has a dog named Ruby and she is one of the 4 most important women in his life (“Who are the others?” “You, my mom, and my sister obviously!”), he has 4 tattoos—and hear his voice in the back of your head from your first year reassuring you.

We’re one step closer.

You place the finished drink on the counter just as the bell above the door jingles, alerting you to your first customer of the day. “One medium iced caramel macchiato with almond milk,” you announce, holding out a straw and napkin for Kun to take as he walks up to you with half-closed eyes. “Busy night last night?” you tease him as he takes his first sip, laughing when you see his body relax at the first taste of caffeine. “That one’s on me since you look like you need it.”

“Xiaojun had his friends over last night,” Kun complains as he takes a seat at the counter to be near you, tracing the letters of the coffee shop's name that’s on the cup sleeve as he talks. “It’s nice living with him since we’re cousins and all but him and his friends are such enablers. But I beat all of them at Mario Kart last night, so it was worth it I guess.”

You hum in understanding and pick up a towel to clean off the counters, knowing that the usual morning rush would come in soon and you wouldn’t get a chance to clean when it did. “So what I’m hearing is that it’s actually your fault, is that right?”

“They’re enablers, Y/N, I’m telling you!” your best friend protests, his words a bit muffled due to the straw in his mouth as he takes another sip. “They know that I can’t resist playing Mario Kart when I’m drunk!”

“They got you drunk?” you repeat. “I’m starting to think that I don’t even know who you are anymore, Kun. Getting drunk on a Sunday night knowing you have work the next morning? Doesn’t sound like my best friend if you ask me.”

Kun rolls his eyes at you but just as he’s about to respond, the bell above the door jingles (quite violently) and another customer walks in with a “Good morning, Busy Bean!” You look up to find Donghyuck walking towards you, a wide smile on his face and his right hand hidden behind his back.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Kun grumbles, gathering up his stuff as soon as he hears the younger boy’s voice. 

You laugh at that, knowing that the only reason Kun dislikes Donghyuck is because he works for the new florist across the street. But Kun’s just funny like that sometimes. He had been the only florist in town and everybody knew about his shop, A Thousand Petals. The place was beautiful and Kun was good at what he did. But then a couple of months ago, the competition rolled in. At least, that’s what it was for him. To you, the new flower shop across the street from you meant nothing other than the fact that they had replaced the burger joint that nobody went to. And let’s just say that Kun didn’t appreciate being surprised with competition on a Monday morning while being handed his daily macchiato. You gave him free coffee for a week to make up for it.

“Bye Kun!” Donghyuck shouts happily, waving to him energetically even though your best friend only grunts in response. He walks up to the counter and reveals what he was hiding behind his back: a bundle of daisies. “Some pretty flowers for a pretty girl,” he says as he hands them over to you.

You accept them with a smile, thanking him as you put them in a mason jar in front of the register. “What’ll it be today, sunshine? The usual?” you ask, even though you’re already punching in the order for 2 iced Americanos.

Donghyuck blushes at your nickname for him and his lovestruck eyes staring at you doesn’t escape your notice. You’ve grown used to the boy’s antics and know that his flirting is meaningless. “Nope,” he replies, popping the ‘p’ as he leans against the counter. “Just a muffin please. And can I get it warm?”

You nod and put in his order, taking his cash and then smiling when you see him put the change in the tip jar. “So why no coffee today?” you ask as you put his muffin in the oven. “You guys find a place better than mine?”

The boy’s jaw drops at this, his posture straightening as he looks at you in shock. “Y/N, how dare you even suggest that. You know that there’s no coffee place better than yours!” He takes one of the flowers from the jar and starts fiddling with it, his smile widening when Johnny, one of your employees, comes out from the back. “Johnny!”

Johnny’s eyes widen at the sight of him and he freezes, his cup of coffee only midway to his mouth. “Damn, I thought you’d be gone already,” he mumbles, the two of you laughing as the boy starts fake crying. Johnny takes out the muffin from the oven and hands it to Hyuck after putting it in a bag. “Thanks for coming to The Busy Bean, we hope to never see you again.”

You push Johnny on to the floor, throwing a towel at his face as you chuckle. “Johnny, stop being mean to Hyuck and go clean the tables before Mrs. Choi complains again about them being dirty.” You ignore his noise of complaint in favor of turning back to the boy still in front of you who’s already started eating.

“His Majesty doesn’t want coffee yet,” he shrugs, crumbs falling from his mouth as he answers your question. “But you know he’s a caffeine addict so he’ll probably send me over during my lunch break.” He throws out the bag and puts the flower that he left lying on the counter back into the jar. “Speaking of which, I should probably head back. See you in a few hours!”

You wave goodbye to him and watch as he crosses the street to the flower shop. Donghyuck is an interesting kid. When you first look at him, you wouldn’t think that he works at a flower shop but you found out he’s only working there for the summer because he starts university in the fall. And his cousin’s the one that owns the place so it was a guaranteed job (“My mom and his mom actually had to convince him to let me work there but you know, I basically already had it.”). Ever since he first walked into your store, he’s been trying to set you up with his cousin, swearing up and down that the two of you would be great together. You’ve always laughed it off though since you weren’t particularly looking for anything and you weren’t about to take advice from an 18 year old.

“Here they come,” Johnny announces, running back to stand behind the counter with you as the morning rush comes in. You notice that the crowd seems to be bigger than usual and you feel nervous; The Busy Bean had just recently gone through some construction and had expanded but your new employees haven’t finished training so they can’t start working until next week. Johnny can tell that you’re nervous and places a hand on your shoulder, and when you look up at him, you see him smiling down at you. “Don’t be nervous, we’ll be fine! We always are.”

When you were in college, Johnny was the first friend that you made. Being without Kun was weird and scary even though he was only a 30 minute subway ride away from you but luckily, the boy living across the hall from you was there to provide you with company. The two of you did everything together—when you weren’t busy with labs and presentations and he wasn’t busy with his research and papers, that is. You even applied for jobs at the Starbucks on campus at the beginning of your junior year, and you were pretty sure the manager would have fired the both of you for always goofing off if you weren’t his best employees.

But the day that you knew he was going to be in your life for a long time was when you finally told him your dream of opening your own coffee shop. It was something that only Kun knew, too embarrassed to tell anyone else after your parents had told you that it would never happen. Johnny had surprised you that day, promising to be your first employee once it happened. You watch him from your place behind the coffee machine, watching him talk to Mr. Park from the restaurant that the two of you always go to with a smile on his face. Aside from Kun and your store, Johnny is all you have and when he notices you staring at him and makes a face at you, you thank the universe for putting him in your life.

“I have returned!” Donghyuck announces when he walks into the cafe, true to his word about returning during his lunch break. Behind him is a man who looks to be only a few years older than him with hair the exact same color as coffee foam. You’ve never seen him before but Hyuck apparently knows him as you watch him drag the older boy up to the counter. “2 medium iced Americanos please,” he says to Johnny in a cute voice, pouting when the man behind the register denies him his order with no emotion in his voice.

“Where’s your manager? I need to tell her you’re being mean to me,” Hyuck says as he sticks his tongue out at Johnny. You walk over with their coffee and place it down on the counter with a laugh, bumping Johnny with your hip to get him away from the register.

“Maybe Johnny wouldn’t be mean to you if you didn’t try to annoy him every time you’re here, sunshine,” you tease him as you take his money. Johnny hands them straws and napkins, making sure to stick his tongue out at the teenager in retaliation. You shake your head at him when he sees that you notice. You’re surrounded by children.

“Oh, this is the owner of The Busy Bean by the way,” Hyuck says to his cousin, smirking when he notices a blush beginning to form on his cheeks. “You know, the girl that you said you think is cute when you first saw h-”

“Hi, nice to meet you,” the older boy greets you very loudly as he cuts off Donghyuck, reaching out to shake your hand with blazing cheeks. “I’m- Uh- I-I’m TY.”

You shake his hand as you stifle a giggle, finding the blush on his face cute. Donghyuck on the other hand does nothing to hide his laugh, just narrowly avoiding an elbow in his side from his cousin. “Nice to meet you, Your Majesty. I wasn’t aware that I would be in the presence of royalty today otherwise I would have rolled out the red carpet.”

“I wasn’t aware that, uh, you have such a nice smile,” the florist compliments you, making you smile as you thank him. “Your teeth are pretty,” he blurts out and you feel your smile falter as you process the compliment. Your teeth are… pretty? Johnny and Hyuck attempt to stifle their laughter at the man’s outburst, the man in question turning red as a tomato when he realizes what he said to you. He slowly starts to back away, pulling Donghyuck by the back his shirt towards the exit as he stutters out, “U-Uh I mean- S-Sorry that was weird- You uh-”

“Watch out!” you warn him, noticing a customer looking down at their phone pushing open the door right into his back. 

TY lets out an ‘oof!’ as the door hits him, stumbling forward and tripping over his own feet to regain his balance. The coffee in his hand wasn’t so lucky however, spilling all over the floor and some of it even getting on Hyuck’s white shoes. The two of them quickly rush over to get napkins, TY sputtering out apology after apology as he cleans up the mess on the floor while his cousin whines about the coffee on his new shoes. You quickly get to work on making him a new coffee while Johnny deals with the new customer. 

The pair quickly exit after you give TY his coffee, and you’re able to hear Hyuck saying, “I’m telling your mom that you spilled coffee on my new shoes. Also who the fuck calls you ‘TY’, why didn’t you just tell your name like a normal person? I can’t believe I’m related to-” before the door closes.

“Do you think that guy’s ever gonna come back?” Johnny asks you after the customer had left, gesturing towards the flower shop. 

You can see Hyuck dancing in the middle of the store while the owner laughs and you can’t help but smile. You wonder what his laugh sounds like. “I hope so.”

As you’re getting ready for bed that night, you open up the notes app on your phone to read over what you wanted to tell Taeyong about in case you saw him tonight. Even on slow days, you usually have at least one or two things to tell him, but tonight you find it empty. You hadn’t thought about him all day.

Taeyong surprises both himself and Hyuck when he decides to go back to The Busy Bean only a week after what his cousin likes to call The Incident™ (he even says “trademark” out loud, what a weirdo). The man usually isn’t one to be this brave but he can’t deny the pull that he feels towards you. You’re cute, you have a nice laugh, and he wants to make you smile again. And your iced Americanos are unmatched. Starbucks who?

Walking into the cafe, he immediately feels his hands start to sweat at the sight of you. Your hair looks extra shiny today and you’re dancing along to the song that’s playing with Johnny (kind of badly, but it’s pretty cute). Taking a deep breath, he repeats the simple order in his head one more time. One medium iced Americano, one medium iced caramel coffee, and 2 cake pops. (“If I don’t get to go, then you have to make it up to me somehow!” Hyuck protested when Taeyong told him to watch the store while he went to get coffee. So cake pops it is.) When you see Taeyong walking towards the counter, you give him the biggest smile and he swears his heart skips a beat. He knows he’s going to end up with Y/N eventually but wow, this girl sure knows how to take his breath away. 

“Welcome back, Your Majesty,” you greet him, your cheeks still slightly pink from your laughing and dancing. Taeyong notices a daisy tucked behind your ear and he realizes that it’s one of the daisies that he had shoved into Hyuck’s hands and told him to bring when he went to the store just last week. The man feels his heart skip a beat at that; you look like a goddess. “Didn’t think we would see you back here so soon. Our red carpet is at the dry cleaner’s unfortunately.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” Taeyong shrugs, playing along with your teasing. “I get treated better here than I do at my own shop anyways. Hyuck won’t stop bringing up last week to literally everyone we know.” He blushes when he brings up the events of last week but he feels immensely better when you laugh. “Thank you for replacing my coffee by the way. I can pay for it now since I left so quickly last time.”

“That one was on the house,” you say, waving your hand in the air. “Anyways, what can I get for you today?”

Taeyong makes sure to come back at least twice a week after that, much to Donghyuck’s dismay. Each time he comes, he has to force himself to go back to his own store rather than staying and talking with you and Johnny. He finds himself growing more and more comfortable with your presence, his words coming more easily to him the more he’s around you. The conversation even turns flirty at some point, something that he didn’t even think he was capable of since graduating college. Sure he’s had a few lay it on pretty thick with him when they come into the store but middle aged women aren’t exactly his type. You are more his type, if he’s being honest. You and his soulmate, Y-

“Your name is Y/N?!” Taeyong all but squeaks out, his voice cracking as he drags his eyes from Johnny to you. Could you be…?

Both you and Johnny blink at him, not understanding where this sudden outburst came from. “Uh yeah, why? Is there something wrong with that?” you joke as you continue to make his drink. 

Taeyong mentally shakes it off, subtly rolling his shoulders to rid himself of the unnecessary excitement he just felt. It’s probably just a coincidence. The universe seems to like mocking him, apparently. There’s no way he would just randomly find his soulmate like this. He couldn’t even remember where she ended up living after graduating college. “It’s nothing,” he says while shaking his head, giving Johnny a small smile as he hands over his cash. He notices the withering daisies in front of the register and makes a mental note to bring some fresh ones next time. “I’ve just always liked that name. I think it’s pretty.”

When you first created The Busy Bean, you hadn’t thought of incorporating flowers until Kun brought up that you had said you wanted to make it stand out from other cafes. That and the fact that the store’s name is based off of “a busy bee” and that, in the words of Kun, “your best friend just so happens to be the owner of the best flower shop in the city.” Unfortunately for you, your best friend and the owner of the best flower shop in the city won’t be around for an entire week because of a family emergency. And because of the store’s recent expansion and being so busy with training all of your new hires, it had completely slipped your mind to order new flowers for next month’s theme. When you had said all of this to Johnny during a lull in the morning rush, all he said in response was, “That’s rough, buddy.” (The two of you have been rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender together recently.) What a great best friend.

After making sure that Johnny and the new hires knew exactly what they would be doing during the closing shift, you take a deep breath and do the one thing that you know Kun will never forgive you for once he finds out. “He’ll forgive you, you have no other choice,” you whisper to yourself as you cross the street towards Bloomin’ Love. You open the door and are greeted by the fresh smell of flowers, a Yiruma song softly playing in the background and fitting the atmosphere perfectly as the setting sun shines golden light into the store. It felt like you had entered a magical world.

“Welcome to Bloomin’ Love,” Hyuck greets you, not even looking up from his phone as he leans against the front counter. “Is there anything I can help you with today?”

“I don’t think your boss would be very happy if he found out that you were using your phone while there’s a customer in the store,” you tease him as you walk up to the counter, laughing when Hyuck scrambles to hide his phone and looks up with wide eyes.

The boy’s shoulders immediately deflate when he sees that it’s just you, placing his phone in front of him as he smiles at you. “Y/N, I didn’t think I would ever see you in here. Did you and Kun get into a fight or something? Did he finally get mad that you’re ‘fraternizing with the enemy’s cousin because I’m trying to get you to fraternize with the enemy’?”

You shake your head, explaining, “Kun’s out of town, he has no idea that I’m here right now. I actually need to talk to TY, is he here? I have a big order because I need new flowers for The Busy Bean next month.”

Donghyuck nods as he points towards the back, an area that you assume is restricted to customers since it’s behind the counter. “He’s in his office right now. Let me just tell him you’re here really quickly.”

He walks away quickly before you even have a chance to nod, so you take a look at the flowers around the shop. Directly behind you are bouquets of roses but what really strikes your interest are the magnolia flowers and plum blossoms along your left. You lean down to smell them, their floral scent overwhelming your senses and making you feel even calmer than you already did.

“Plum blossoms are one of my favorite flowers,” a voice says from behind you, making you jump and bump into whoever it was. You feel hands on your waist that help steady you as you sway on your feet, your eyes coming up to meet those of the man you were looking for. “Sorry about that,” TY chuckles, the tips of his ears pink as he withdraws his hands from you. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Donghyuck said you’re looking for me?”

You nod frantically, before explaining your situation to him, his eyes never leaving you as you talk. “I usually give Kun complete creative control because I don’t know much about flowers and which ones bloom during which season.”

TY nods understandingly, humming as he thinks and scans over the various plants in the store. “Flowers that only bloom during spring…” He begins to walk around, with you following a few steps behind him, his hands hovering over the flowers and his fingers occasionally brushing over their petals as he looks at each one carefully. TY suddenly stops in his tracks, one hand resting on a peony before he suddenly turns to you with a wide grin on his face. “I think I have some ideas.”

The florist brings you back to his office, and you think you see Hyuck wink at the both of you as you follow his cousin to the back but when you get a closer look, the boy’s already assumed his previous position of scrolling on his phone. As of recently, the teenager has been teasing you more and more for what he assumes are the beginnings of feelings for his cousin. And even though you swear up and down that the two of you are just friends, you can’t help but think about the possibilities some nights. Which makes you feel guilty because what about Taeyong? Your dreams with him have felt different lately, both of you distracted at one point or another, the conversation becoming awkward at some points because the both of you know that something has changed. Is this the universe testing you? Putting a man that you feel yourself growing more and more fond of with every passing day just to see if you’ll reject him in favor of the partner that it has chosen for you?

“Y/N?” the florist calls out, his hand waving in front of your face to get your attention. You jump slightly in your seat, eyes meeting his after you’re pulled out of your thoughts. “You still with me? I asked if you could give me a floor plan or something of where you put all of your flowers.”

“Oh sorry,” you apologize, heart pounding in your chest at getting caught zoning out. You pull the floor plan that you and Kun had first made 2 years ago and hand it over to TY, your eyes tracing the veins in his hands as he smooths out the paper on his desk. His hands look like they would be really nice to hold. Wait what? No, stop, think about Taeyong.

TY shares his general thought process with you, lightly drawing circles and arrows on the paper to show you where he pictures bunches of hyacinth and jasmine would be. Names like Barberton daisy, dogwood, azalea, and peony are mentioned while you nod along enthusiastically, not really knowing what any of them look like but trusting the vision in the man’s head completely. As he’s talking, you can’t help but get lost in the sound of his voice, the passion and flow of his words making your heart swell. As guilty as it makes you feel, you couldn’t help the feelings that you could feel blooming in your heart for the florist. 

The two of you stand once TY is done sharing his ideas and you’ve run out of questions to ask. You force yourself to leave rather than think up an excuse to spend more time with him, his laughter paired with the way he looks at you dangerous for your pounding heart and overly imaginative brain. He says goodbye to you with a wave but not before handing you a business card with the store’s number should you have any more questions. As you’re walking out, you can hear Hyuck teasing his cousin, and when you turn around to spare TY one last glance, you can see a blush on his cheeks as he quickly looks away, as if he was caught staring.

Just before you get into bed that night, you take one last look at the business card that you had been given just hours ago. When you read the name on the card, you feel as if time itself has come to a stop. Your breathing turns shallow as you bring the card closer to you, squeezing your eyes shut and then opening them just in case it was some weird trick of the light. But it wasn’t. Right there on the card is the one name that you weren’t expecting at all.

Lee Taeyong.

It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it’s just a-

You feel yourself being pulled down into the water, a hand wrapped around your ankle dragging you down to the bottom of the pool. You kick with all of your strength at the invisible attacker, your lungs screaming for air as you thrash in the water. A pair of arms wrap around your waist and pull you out of the water, the person screaming at you to stand as they tug on your arm. Coughing your lungs out, you can just barely make out Taeyong’s blurry form as he runs out onto the empty street with your hand in his.

Suddenly, an SUV with its lights on appears behind you, the driver revving the engine and accelerating very quickly towards the two of you. You just barely dodge it, the vehicle only inches away from Taeyong’s body as you pull him towards a dark house. You climb over fences and run through yards, neither of you daring to say a word in fear of whoever is after you being near. Your hand stays in his the entire time, too scared of getting separated to let go. 

You see a light approaching you and duck behind some garbage cans, willing your breathing and heart rate to slow so that you could listen for any footsteps. Taeyong quivers beside you in fear, his hand squeezing yours and when you look over at him, you can only imagine how scared he must look right now. Looking at him, you realize that there was something you wanted to talk about tonight but with every single nerve being on edge since you’re, you know, running for your life, you can’t remember what it is for the life of you. Lights from the SUV pass by, gravel crunching underneath the tires as the car goes by you very slowly. You pray to every higher power out there that they don’t catch you and you release a quiet sigh of relief when you see the car turn and drive farther away from you.

“Have I ever told you how much I hate being in your dreams?” Taeyong murmurs, his grip on your hand loosening but still not letting go. “Because I really hate being here right now.”

You huff out a laugh before slowly standing up to brush the dirt off of you. Just as you’re about to respond, you feel a hand clap over your mouth, Taeyong’s eyes widening as he screams and reaches out for you. Something sharp presses against your back just as you hear a gunshot, blood quickly soaking into Taeyong’s pants from getting shot in the thigh, before everything goes black.

You have to stop yourself from looking over your shoulder every 5 minutes because of the intense nightmare that you had yesterday. The feeling of being watched lingered with you all morning, something that Johnny noticed and was concerned about at first until you told him the reason you were acting so paranoid and jumpy. Then he just ended up teasing you and even scared you in front of a customer, falling on the floor laughing when it happened. But you couldn’t help it, the dream just felt so real and it didn’t help that Taeyong, an actual person, was there with you to make it seem all the more real. You wonder how he must be handling it, you know he’s not the biggest fan of horror movies or scary things in general.

You decide to visit Bloomin’ Love during your lunch break, the questions that you wanted to ask Taeyong still unanswered. But if you’re right and Taeyong actually is TY, then you would get your answer in a few minutes. Except it turns out that you won’t be getting your answers today.

“What do you mean he’s not here?” you ask Hyuck in disbelief, even looking towards the back to check if the office light is on in case he’s just playing a joke. “He’s your boss and one of the two people that work here, why are you here and he isn’t?”

The boy shrugs before hopping up to sit on the counter, long legs swinging as he bops along to the music that’s playing from what you assume is his own playlist. “He was here when I got here this morning but then he left after an hour and told me he’s taking the rest of the day off because he’s been feeling anxious all morning. Something about having a nightmare last night? It must have been really bad for him to take a day off because you and I both know that this store is basically his baby.”

He had a nightmare?

The bell above the door jingles as a customer comes in and immediately approaches the two of you to ask for help. You back away to let Hyuck do his job, bidding him goodbye before heading back to The Busy Bean. Hyuck’s words swirl around your head, the conversation replaying over and over as you take out the business card that you put in your pocket this morning to look at the name printed on it. 

Taeyong. Lee Taeyong, the owner of Bloomin’ Love. Lee Taeyong, who introduced himself to you as TY. Lee Taeyong, your soulmate.

After that, you become distracted during work, your eyes constantly looking at the clock to see how much longer until your shift is over. Of course the one day that you find out who your soulmate is, the one day that it would be super convenient to be able to leave work early, is the day one of your new workers can’t come in because they got food poisoning the night before. You don’t even know what you’re going to do once your shift is over though. The number on the card is the store number and you already know that Taeyong isn’t there. Maybe you could just ask Hyuck to give you his number? But then what? What would you even say? “Hey TY, it’s Y/N. Hyuck told me that you had a nightmare last night so I think you might be my soulmate”?

The universe, however, seems to have your back. At the end of your shift, just as you’re saying goodbye to Johnny and Jaemin, one of your new hires, you hear a very familiar voice call out your name. And when you turn around, there stands the exact man that you’ve been hoping but not expecting to see all day. You can’t help but smile widely when you see him and nod when he asks if you want to sit.

“These are for you, by the way,” he says as he gives you a small bouquet of pink forget-me-nots. “Pink is my favorite color but they reminded me of you when I saw them in the store just now.”

You thank them as you take the flowers from his hands, inhaling deeply before placing them down on the table. “You were in the store? Hyuck told me you took the day off.”

“I stopped by just to make sure he didn’t burn the place down,” TY chuckles and he sounds… nervous? Looking at him, you notice that he’s barely making eye contact with you, taking more interest in tracing the tattoo of a lavender plant that’s on his inner forearm. You wonder if he knows what you know, or at least what you think you know. You wonder if maybe he’s even known this entire time. 

“Do you have a soulmate, TY?” you blurt out, too impatient to indulge him with more small talk. 

He looks up at you with wide eyes at your question and you watch as the tips of his ears turn red. “I-I do,” he responds while nodding simultaneously.

“What are they like?” you ask him, telling yourself to calm down and to make sure that you’re right. It would be really embarrassing if you aren’t.

“She’s the girl of my dreams,” he jokes, laughing loudly when you groan and roll your eyes at his dumb joke. “She really is though. She’s really smart and knows exactly what she wants from life. She’s extremely hard-working but she also knows when she needs to stop and relax. She really likes strawberry cake and also likes stargazing. I actually tried making a move on her when we first met because I was young and dumb but then she told me that her boyfriend of 2 years had just broken up with her, so I felt extremely stupid that night.”

You feel like your heart is about to burst out of your chest at his words and you know that you must have a funny look on your face because TY- no, Taeyong is looking at you strangely. “What about you?” he asks, his wide eyes and head that’s tilted slightly to the side reminding you of a puppy. “What’s your soulmate like?”

You laugh and take a deep breath, mustering all of the courage to pour all of the love you’ve been wanting to show Taeyong all these years into your words. “He’s the best, honestly, I’m really lucky that he’s my soulmate,” you say softly, your eyes not once leaving Taeyong’s as you speak. “He’s really goofy and not at all afraid to be who he is. He’s very supportive too; Johnny and Kun were always there for me when college got hard, especially when I switched my major, but it was his words that always kept me going. His favorite color is pink and he absolutely adores his mom, he swears up and down that her kimchi jjigae is the best in the entire world. When we first met, he-”

You stop to look at Taeyong and you see tears in his eyes, a soft smile on his face as he listens to you talk. You take a shuddering breath and lift your hand to gently take his hand in yours; he knows. “When we first met, he told me about his grandpa and how his love for the stars came from him.” You see a single tear cascade down Taeyong’s cheek and you reach out to wipe it away. With a watery laugh, you say, “He also told me that he ended up breaking his grandpa’s telescope after he died.”

Taeyong rests his forehead against your joined hands as he laughs, his eyelashes wet with tears and his eyes shining when he looks back up at you. “I finally found you,” he whispers in awe. “After all of these years, the universe finally put you right in front of me and I didn’t even know.”

“That day, when you said that you think my name is pretty,” you say, his words playing in your mind as you remember the day you’re talking about, “did you know?”

“I was suspicious but I thought it was too good to be true,” Taeyong says as he shakes his head in disbelief. “I thought that there was no way that the girl I’ve been dreaming about for 6 years just so happens to own the coffee shop across the street.” He raises your hands to his lip to kiss the back of yours and you feel so happy that it feels like you’re practically vibrating in your seat. 

You’re about to respond when you hear Johnny call out, “Hey lovebirds, keep it PG! There are kids in here!” The two of you turn your heads towards the direction of his voice to find not only Johnny behind the counter but also Kun and Hyuck standing there. 

“Did you forget about our plans, Y/N?” Kun calls out teasingly, a smirk on his face as his eyes flicker from your hand in Taeyong’s to your face.

“Oh fuck,” you whisper, head turning to look at Taeyong with wide eyes.

He smiles at you reassuringly, kissing the back of your hand once more before letting go. “I’ll call you later?”

You nod enthusiastically, the two of you exchanging numbers before you stand up. You look up at Taeyong, not yet wanting to leave his presence. You can feel the warmth radiating off of his body and there’s a familiar pull in your stomach and this time, you allow yourself to indulge in it. He leans down just as you lean up, and as cliche as it is, it really does feel like you’re the only two there when you kiss. Taeyong tugs one of the flowers from your grasp and breaks off part of the stem, tucking the forget-me-not behind your ear and rubbing your cheek with his thumb before pressing one more kiss to your forehead and murmuring a “see you tomorrow” against your skin.

Waking up the next morning, you let yourself indulge in thoughts of yesterday, the events leading up to the kiss replaying in your head and making butterflies erupt in your stomach all over again. You and Taeyong had agreed to go on your first date today after work and you wish that someone could invent a time machine so you could just skip the work day and go on your date already. 

You sit up in bed and feel every ounce of happiness drain out of you, your surroundings unfamiliar to you. The walls are still the same color but the books on your shelf are different, your floor is carpeted, and who the heck are those people you’re with in the pictures on your wall? You even look out the window to find a completely different view. Where the hell are you?

It suddenly hits you that you’re back in the real world—or your reality at least. The past 8 years have basically just been one long dream. You jump out of bed and rush to the bathroom to check to see if there were any visible signs of aging. You let out a sigh of relief when you realize that you still look the exact same and go back to your room to check the date on your phone just to confirm. There’s an envelope with your name on it beside your phone and you feel a sense of déjà vu as you rip it open.

Dear Y/N,

Welcome back! Hopefully you’re not too disoriented after returning to our reality but I wrote this letter just in case. It’s only been a day since we first met so don’t worry, everything in your old life is still the same as it was. It’ll take a few days for memories from your life here to resurface so just take it easy for now. You should still have your memories from your alternate universe and your soulmate should have them too, so all you have to do is find them! I know this sounds hard but don’t worry; as I’m sure you already know, the universe works in mysterious ways~

See you soon, Cyan xoxo

You let yourself plop back down onto your bed, giving yourself a few minutes to process everything before taking a deep breath. Taeyong. You have to find Taeyong. Getting out of bed, you decide you get dressed and get ready for the day, a memory of your friend Yuna telling you about the new cafe across town resurfacing, so you decide to go there. You feel too cooped up in your apartment, you need to do something. 

Passing by the window of the cafe, you can’t believe your eyes when you see Cyan sitting at one of the tables. She smiles at you through the window while lifting a mug in greeting and you rush to enter the coffee shop, your hands shaking at your side as you approach her. “Good to see you, Y/N,” she greets you, standing up just as you sit opposite her. You’re about to stand as well before she gently pushes you back down with a hand on your shoulder. “These are for you,” she says as she hands you a small bouquet of pink forget-me-nots. You look down at the flowers, memories of the past 8 years (yesterday?) overwhelming you but you shake it off and look up, only to find Cyan gone. You look around frantically but it’s like she disappeared, completely vanished in thin air as you look around the coffee shop and even out the window. With a huff, you put the flowers on the table and settle your chin on your hand as you wonder what to do next.

“Are you finished with this?” an employee asks you as they point at Cyan’s empty coffee mug.

You look up, about to answer, when your breath catches in your throat, your eyes meeting very familiar brown ones that widen at the same exact time as yours. Before you stands Taeyong, a brown apron with the words “Wake Up Cafe” embroidered on it in gold tied around his waist. Standing up, you reach out to grab one of the flowers and break off part of the stem before slowly reaching out and tucking it behind his ear. His hair is different, a little longer and a dark grey color with bits of silver rather than the light brown that you’re used to, but you see the rose-shaped scar beside his shining eyes and you feel like you could cry. Taeyong’s hands cup your face and his thumbs come up to brush away tears that you didn’t even notice, the distance between your lips and his slowly decreasing.

His lips brush over yours and his eyes flicker back and forth between your eyes and your lips. “Found you.”

You chuckle at his words and close the distance, and you wonder if springtime feels just as good for the blooming flowers as the love that you can feel blooming in your chest when you kiss Taeyong.

[laurenairay]

Take a Chance - D. Hamilton

Word Count: 12.7k

Summary: Ashley Miller is a Sunday-morning regular at her local coffee shop. Dougie Hamilton is the associate art curator who catches her eye.

Warnings: coffee shop au, some bad language, a lot of cute fluff, anxiety

A/N: This is my @hockeynetwork​ winter gift exchange fic for @huttons​! I had a lot of fun researching & creating this fic gift, and I tried to incorporate all of the preferences you stated and that we discussed. This is very self-indulgent too, definitely the longest thing I’ve written on here, and I’m not going to go into the very niche research rabbit holes I fell down! Bringing this OC to life made me so happy, and I had a blast incorporating the coffee shop au element. I hope you enjoy this! 💚

Also tagging @danglesnipecelly​, @texanstarslove​ and @itsbadgerbadgermushroom​ because they all listened to me stress while writing hah.

*

“Large latte for Ashley!”

Ashley Miller looked up from her laptop, smiling at her favourite barista at the counter. She got up from her table, leaving her laptop and scone briefly as she collected her drink, before heading back to her seat. Sunday mornings were the same every week – arrive at Storm Surge coffee shop when they opened at 7am, park herself at a table in the back corner, and consume a steady flow of coffee as she worked. Sure, her work might vary – teaching Medieval History at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill meant her lesson topics were all over the spectrum – but she just found that everything from writing notes for her classes that week to marking essays at the end of the semester became easier if she had the thrum of the coffee shop around her.

That, and she knew she’d just spend her entire weekend burrowed in her house if she didn’t get out.

Having moved to Raleigh 6 years ago to undertake her PhD, Ashley had accepted a teaching job at the very same university she’d studied at when she’d completed her studies a year ago, and she hadn’t looked back since. There was just something about Raleigh that she had fallen in love with, only a 30 minute drive away from her workplace, something that had spoken to her very soul, and actually being able to pass on knowledge about the subject that she was so passionate about made her so incredibly happy. Sure, her parents had never understood her love for 11th to 13th century European history (nor anyone else from her small town in South Dakota) but Ashley had never cared about that – New York had given her the opportunity to grow as a person during her undergraduate and postgraduate degrees, but Raleigh had given her the opportunity to thrive.

And she would forever be grateful for that.

Sundays though…Sundays were something she cherished. This independent coffee shop had been a blessing when she’d found it early on in her PhD research, and they had never complained about her taking up a table for essentially the whole day (and she did pay for each of the many coffees she consumed). Baristas and bakers had come and gone over the past 6 years, but there were a couple that had stuck around recently - and a year ago when she officially became ‘Dr Ashley Miller’, her favourite barista Andrei had even given her a piece of chocolate cake on the house to celebrate. Storm Surge coffee shop was a home away from home.

Of course, there was another reason that Sunday coffee shop time was one of her favourite things in her week…

Tall Cute Guy.

He was a regular every Sunday morning, and had been for the past year - three Sundays a month he would order a mocha and an americano to go, but one Sunday a month he would come in an hour earlier and order just an americano, and drink it in the shop instead while reading an old paperback book. Every single time, like clockwork.

Okay, yes, that sounded a little stalkerish. But he was so cute. Ashley pretty much always had her earphones in playing music so she had never caught his name, but his blonde curls, pretty blue eyes and warm smile had caught her eye straight away. And he was so tall, she couldn’t have missed him if she’d tried. She’d never spoken to him, never even said hi in passing, but occasionally she would link eyes with him and he would smile at her. And that smile was enough to send her heart fluttering. Ridiculous really, but it brought her a little joy.

What was the harm in smiling back at a cute guy every now and again, right?

*

Dougie Hamilton walked into the North Carolina Museum of Art with a smile on his face. To be honest, it could’ve been for a multitude of reasons. His career was finally heading upwards, having moved museums to become Associate Curator of European Art a couple of years ago, and he loved his work. He had recently renovated his kitchen, which was now looking pretty sleek and awesome, if he did say so himself. His colleagues had genuinely become some of his closest friends, and he had a standing monthly poker night with several of them. But his smile today wasn’t because of any of that.

No, his smile today was because it was Sunday morning, and he’d just picked up his regular coffee order for him and his boss.

Speaking of…

“So, did you finally talk to your coffee shop crush, or did you just awkwardly stare at her like a weirdo again?”

“Oh fuck off,” Dougie grumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up in a fierce blush as his boss Jordie’s words.

It was far too early for this – he’d only just walked into their shared office for fuck’s sake! Jordie just hooted laughter at his embarrassment as he took his mocha from Dougie, making Dougie groan. “One day you’re going to have to talk to her, man. It’s just getting sad now,” Jordie teased.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t we have a museum to open?” Dougie scowled.

Jordie just beamed even more, wiggling his eyebrows as he left their office. Dougie groaned again, running his hands through is unruly hair before he sighed. Coffee shop crush. Hah. Jordie wasn’t wrong though. Not really. His crush…Mystery Laptop Woman…was one of the reasons he always volunteered to pick the two of them up coffee before the museum opened up on a Sunday morning. Jordie had come along with him only once to pick up their coffee, about 6 months ago, and ever since then he hadn’t let Dougie’s shy smile at her go. Of course, Dougie barely knew anything about her – only that she was always in early on a Sunday, always completely consumed by her work, and she had such a super cute concentration face, whatever it is that she worked on. He could never quite tell – sometimes she had a book or two with her, sometimes it was a stack of papers – but he knew for sure that she appeared to mainline coffee like a pro. Probably some kind of teacher?

He’d certainly never had a teacher that beautiful, that was for sure.

Her long dark hair was always down and always a little messy, like she ran her hands through it often (which she did, he’d noticed). Her warm hazel eyes were hidden behind tortoiseshell glasses, and her lips were always coloured in varying shades of dark pink and red. He’d only seen her standing a couple of times, but he’d caught enough of a glimpse of her long legs to have some very inappropriate thoughts. She just looked so kind, so friendly…and so beautiful. Dougie had never been able to catch her name though – she’d always had a full coffee or at least half a coffee left whenever he was in the shop, so he couldn’t even find out sneakily that way. But whoever she was, whatever she did, when he occasionally got lucky enough for her to look at him, her smile made his entire body light up like a fireworks show. It was a bit pathetic really, how much just a smile from her made his entire day, but he was a year into it now and he wasn’t going to stop that for anything. He had a great career, some great friends, and a pretty great life, even if he was tragically single.

What was the harm in smiling at a beautiful woman whenever he got the chance, right?

*

“Alright, we’ve nearly run out of time now, but just one final thing I want you to think about for Monday’s love in the middle ages class,”

On cue, her students groaned, making Ashley grin.

“Hey, I’m giving you a head’s up here – I could just let you walk into our general lecture blind?” she shrugged, teasing.

That got her a few laughs at least. She’d take that.

“Okay, so we know through our focus on the Medieval Expansion of Europe that one of the biggest tales about Eleanor of Aquitaine in the latter half of the 1100s was of her role in the courts of love. What I want you all to look into is whether these courts of love have the possibility of being a real thing, or whether they feed into the chivalric notions of her contemporaries and were fabricated from the courtly love dynamics of knights and maidens. Just to give us some talking points, okay?”

Her students murmured their agreement, with most of them writing down a reminder. That would have to be good enough for her. At least this way, hopefully someone would discuss the talking points with her in class – she’d found out the hard way last year that there was nothing worse for a university professor than completely uninterested students. She needed something to feed off.

“Alright then, class dismissed. Have a great weekend everyone!”

Ashley moved to her laptop, switching off the projected powerpoint presentation as her students filed out of the classroom, but jumped in shock slightly as she noticed the head of her department sitting in the back corner. How long had he been there?! What was he doing there in the first place? She just hoped her smile didn’t look as nervous as she felt, as he walked up to the front of the room.

Rod Brind’Amour was a legend in the History department for a good reason. His knowledge of military history pre-1800s was unmatched by anyone, but it was his research on the first and second crusades that had inspired Ashley through much of her PhD. Sure, he wasn’t her direct supervisor, but their work interlinked enough that she’d spent many office hours with him debating the second crusade with fervour. For such a big man, he was such a nerd, and he’d made her feel so welcome as soon as he offered her the teaching position at the end of her PhD, with the promise that she would be able to continue her research to inspire future minds. She had been so moved by his words that she hadn’t hesitated to accept the job. How could she not, when someone of his calibre believed in her?

One year in, she wasn’t regretting it at all

“Very smart, setting up some talking points for Monday’s class. I’m so glad I volunteered you to run this year’s Love in the Middle Ages lectures. You’re much better at them than I was,” Rod mused.

Ashley snorted, rolling her eyes playfully. Oh thank god. It’s true that this seminar was one part of the large mandatory Medieval and Early Modern Studies course…but it suited her perfectly.

“That’s because my research focuses on Medieval Queens and the exchange of power they brought to their marriage countries, whereas yours is the effect of each of the crusades through military history. Bleurgh,” she snickered, “Linking today’s Medieval Expansion of Europe class with the generic Love in the Middle Ages lectures on Mondays is just easy,”

“Speak for yourself,” Rod laughed, “give me military tactics any day,”

Ashley just grinned. Some things never changed. “Was there anything you wanted in particular?” she asked, packing up her laptop into its case.

“Just wanted to check in with you, in general,” Rod shrugged, sitting down on the edge of her desk.

Ashley couldn’t help but smile at the thoughtfulness. “I’m doing okay yeah, thanks. Last year’s first semester was more of a struggle for sure, but I don’t have that transition from PhD student and TA to full teaching this time round. I’ve definitely settled in quicker – and this batch of freshman feel a lot more engaged already,”

“That’s good! It definitely shows that you’re handling things well,” Rod nodded, smiling back at her, “But I meant in your life outside of the university too,”

Ashley frowned. What? “What do you mean?” she asked, confused.

Rod laughed softly at her expression. “I know last year you were trying to find your stride, but this year you’ve already got it, so I’m just checking that you’ve got things balanced outside of work too. It’s far too easy to make teaching your entire life – and I don’t want you to burn out,” Rod explained. “I value you here too much for that,”

Ashley’s heart melted a little at his concern, but she just shook his head. “I may not have much going on for me outside of work, but I do get out. I spend my Sundays in a local coffee shop,” she admitted.

Her mind briefly flashed to Tall Cute Guy, but she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind before she started blushing. So not appropriate for work.

Rod frowned slightly, but nodded. “At least you’re getting out of the house. Just promise me you’ll work on finding time for yourself too?”

“I promise,” Ashley nodded, “I intend to be here for a long time, so I definitely don’t want to burn out,”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it,” Rod grinned, “I’d better get going – see you at the faculty meeting later?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Ashley grimaced.

Rod just laughed at her disgruntled face, lifting his hand in a wave as he left the room. As she packed the rest of her belongings, Ashley couldn’t help but to think over Rod’s words. Was she in danger of a burn-out? Surely not, so early on in her career? Maybe she did need more of a balance in her life…but how?

*

Another Sunday, another early morning. Sure, Ashley could give herself a lie in every now and again, but that would mean not being able to relax on her Sunday evening, to not have the chance to unwind and reset before the working week starts up again on Monday morning. Spending all weekend in her little 2 bed house wouldn’t do her any good, even as comforting as she’d made it.

Besides, Storm Surge coffee shop was such a part of her routine now, that it would feel wrong to not go in at her usual time. Seeing Andrei the morning barista, Marty the supervisor and Jaccob the baker (who occasionally popped his head out) always made her happy – and as Rod said only a couple of days ago, she needed to make sure she actually kept a balance in her life.

So, as always, just after 7am, Ashley walked through the coffee shop door. She’d skipped eating any breakfast this morning, intent on getting one of the shop’s amazing scones fresh out of the oven, and as soon as she spotted her favourite blueberry-lemon scones in the display, something in her chest settled. Yes, this was exactly why she came every week. This feeling of home.

“Good morning Ashley! Your usual latte?”

Ashley smiled at Andrei, nodding. “Yes please. And one of the blueberry-lemon scones!”

Andrei smiled even wider, if that was possible, and immediate set about inputting her order into the cash register. It was then that she noticed something new on Andrei’s nametag. A pink sparkly kitten sticky. Huh. That was new.

“Nice sticker,” she teased.

“Very sparkly, no? Marty gave it to me,” Andre nodded.

“Oh, Marty did huh?” Ashley grinned.

Interestingly, Andrei blushed. She knew she hadn’t been imagining things. The poor Russian guy just blushed harder, spluttering incoherently, until Ashley took pity on him. It wasn’t like she could be mean to Andrei – he was just too adorable.

“I think the sticker is really cute, Andrei. It was sweet of Marty to give it to you,” Ashley said with a fond smile.

“Thank you! I will tell Marty you like it,” Andrei beamed.

Bless him.

Andrei handed her a scone on a plate, allowing her to go to her usual table in the back corner, setting up her laptop while she waited for her coffee to be ready. She heard a door out the back open, and Andrei quickly slipped away, making her smile.

“AHHHHHHHHHH MR SVECHNIKOV!”

Marty. Ashley just giggled, shaking her head before putting her earphones in for her background music. Yeah, this coffee shop definitely felt like home.

She quickly got lost in writing her lecture notes, going off on tangents that she knew she’d have to rein in later when she edited. It was a full hour before she even looked away from her screen, only to see the shop busy and bustling, every single table full. What the hell? She looked over to see both Andrei and Marty working the counter, only confirming her suspicions that they really had gotten busy while she was lost in her thoughts. Wow. Full at 8am was a new one for sure. Maybe a convention of some kind?

And it was then that she saw Tall Cute Guy walk in. Today he was wearing a pretty blue sweater, bring out the beautiful blue in his eyes, making her smile on instinct. So cute. But then she noticed him being given just the one coffee…he was planning on drinking in, and there were no tables? No!

It made her heart clench to watch him looking around the coffee shop, becoming more and more disheartened…until he noticed her. Maybe, could she, yes. Ashley bit her bottom lip but tilted her head towards the empty chair at her table, earning the biggest smile. She actually did it. She actually offered him the chair at her table. Shit. Her heart started beating faster as he walked over, and she took her earphones out as he came to a stop next to her seat, looming over her.

“I, uh…do you mind if I sit with you?” he asked softly.

Huh. Such a gentle voice on such a big man. Yeah she could totally handle this.

“Please, go ahead,” Ashley nodding, smiling as she waved her hand to indicate, “it’s so busy in here today,”

Oh no. Was that too forward, acknowledging that they’re both regulars?

“Definitely busier than usual, eh?” he mused, “I’ll try not to disturb your work, I’ll only be here for about an hour,”

Ashley laughed, but shook her head. She was just glad he hadn’t been weirded-out by her acknowledgement. That would’ve been so awkward. Her stomach was filled with enough butterflies as it was. “You won’t disturb me, I promise. Sit as long as you like,”

He smiled widely at her, pulling out the chair opposite and sitting down, Ashley just quickly shuffling her papers out of the way for him. He nodded his thanks at her, pulling a paperback book out of his satchel. Then he cleared his throat, so she looked up at him curiously.

“I’m Dougie, by the way,” he said, almost a little shy.

Dougie. That was a nice name. Oh, wow, she finally knew his name! Ashley couldn’t help but smile at him. “I’m Ashley,”

He smiled back at her. “It’s nice to meet you properly,” he said happily.

Ashley just laughed, nodding as she blushed lightly. To have him acknowledge their smiling-from-a-distance definitely sparked something inside of her. Nice to finally meet him indeed.

They sat in comfortable silence, Ashley typing up her tangent notes so far for the morning, and she couldn’t help the feeling of contentment that sat in her chest. The cute guy she’d been smiling at for a year was sitting at her table with her…and it wasn’t awkward at all. In fact, it was really quite nice. And he’d introduced himself!

No, cool it, keep calm Ashley. No-one got anywhere by acting like a giddy schoolgirl. Play it cool.

That promised hour flew by far too quickly. Every now and again she would glance up and find his eyes on her. Every now and again she would glance up only for him to look up and catching her looking. Every time she would blush. Every time he would send her a wonderful smile. But all too soon her table companion was standing up and putting his book in his bag.

“Um…”

Ashley looked up from her work at him, a smile naturally spreading across her face at his nervous expression. Why was he nervous?

“Yes, Dougie?” she said softly, smiling at a little more at finally getting to say his name.

Dougie. Dougie. Dougie.

“I’ll see you soon?” he said, almost hopefully.

“I’ll be here,” she nodded.

Oh god. Well that was stupid. Of course she’d be here. Why couldn’t she just act smoothly for once in her life?

But then Dougie smiled, such a happy little smile that it made her breath catch in her throat.

“Until next time then,” Dougie murmured, “Bye, Ashley,”

“Bye,” she breathed, watching him walk way.

Well, that could’ve been worse. What a Sunday.

*

Things felt different after that fateful Sunday. Dougie (she knew his name!) hadn’t sat down with her again, or even sat in the shop again yet, but now…now he always made a point of waving at her, waiting until she had waved back to smile. Those waves sent her into even more of a tizzy, a light blush always on her cheeks, and she couldn’t help but cherish them. Maybe it was a bit pathetic, but he was so handsome and he noticed her. It didn’t hurt to pretend it was more than friendly acknowledgement, right? A girl could dream at least.

It was only Wednesday today, but that meant only one thing. Her weekly phone call with her mom. Knowing Susan Miller, Ashley could picture exactly what her mom was doing. Her phone would be propped up on speakerphone while she pottered around the kitchen, finishing off making dinner while also planning what desserts to bake at the weekend. Her mom led a simple life, a retired teacher herself (although she’d taught at the local elementary school rather than ever leaving town), but it was a happy life. And it was these phone calls that were the only thing that made Ashley miss home.

Nothing was the same as a hug from her mom with a slice of homemade apple pie. But those were the sacrifices she made for her love of Medieval History. They never stayed on the for more than half an hour, but it was just enough to fill Ashley’s heart, at least for a little while.

“And I swear, if he doesn’t stop leaving those nasty cigar butts on the front porch, I’m going to whoop some sense into him!”

“You’ve been saying this for over 20 years mom – I don’t think dad is going to change at this point,” Ashley mused, rolling her eyes fondly.

Her dad had been set in his ways for as long as she could remember. Nothing was going to change that, not even a little nagging from the love of his life.

“Yes, well, he could at least clean up after himself,”

Her parents really were ridiculous human beings – but they loved each other, and that was all that mattered. Even if her dad didn’t clean up his cigar butts.

“You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you weren’t complaining about his cigar butts,” Ashley grinned. “Maybe threaten not to make that corned beef hash he likes. That might help,”

The laughter that flowed down the phone made her smile even more. Fuck she missed hearing her mom’s laugh in person.

“Oh I miss you sweetpea. Are you sure you’re okay down there by yourself?”

“Yes mom, you know I love my work and my life down here,” Ashley said, sighing softly.

Here we go again.

“I just worry about you rattling around in that old house by yourself!”

Rude. It wasn’t that old.

“I promise I’m fine!” Ashley insisted.

Her mom stayed silent, making Ashley bite her lip to stop herself getting frustrated. Her mom would come out with it eventually…

“I worry about you being lonely, that’s all. You’re such an introvert, you always have been,”

And there it was.

“How could I be lonely mom? I have great colleagues that I talk with. And I’m around students all day and I interact all the time with them! And the baristas at my coffee shop know me by name and we chat too,” Ashley listed.

“The baristas don’t count, Ash,”

Poor Andrei. He definitely counted. Ashley couldn’t help but giggle at the sigh in her mom’s voice though. “Okay maybe not, but there is a guy that I’ve talked to,”

“Ooh a guy?”

Oh no. Oh what had she done? She had to nip this in the bud now.

“No, mom, not like that, just a friendly face to wave at,” Ashley insisted.

Dougie’s shy smiles filled her mind, but she shook her head. Now was not the time.

“Oh boo, you should work on changing that,”

Hah. If only.

“You’re impossible, mom,” Ashley sighed fondly.

“I love you too darling,”

*

Today he was going to do it. Today Dougie was going to get to Storm Surge coffee shop a little early, get his americano to drink in…and hopefully sit with Ashley again. Ever since that amazing Sunday morning where she offered him a seat at her table (she offered him!), he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. He could kick himself for not being able to do more than wave at her the past three Sundays, but even just the few smiles he seen in passing since have blown him away. Especially with that cute little blush she always had when she waved back at him.

But today he was coming in an hour before he had to get to work, just to have that chance to sit with her and talk with her. Was it a little desperate? Sure. But Dougie never claimed to be anything other than desperate to get to know the beautiful woman he’d only ever seen in passing until now. His schedule didn’t usually allow him the chance – every Sunday the North Carolina Museum of Art opened from 10-5, and he usually got there just after 9 with coffee for him and Jordie, but every fourth Sunday Jordie came in a little later, so Dougie took the time to sit in and read a little before heading into work…and it was the fourth Sunday today. He could only hope that all the nerves and butterflies would be worth it.

Oh fuck, what if she wasn’t even there?

No, she would be. She always was. Enough stalling.

Still…

Dougie walked into Storm Surge with a little ball of nervous anxiety in his chest, praying that Ashley wouldn’t stray from her routine, until he looked over into the back corner…and there she was. He waited until Ashley looked up at him to wave at her, earning a sweet smile and a wave back. Wow, her blush really was so sweet.

“Dougie! You must be drinking in today, yes?”

He snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Andrei’s voice, quickly nodding. “Yeah just the usual americano, thanks,”

“You got it,” Andrei nodded, beaming at him.

Dougie quickly paid and moved to the end of the counter to wait for his coffee. The shop was only half-full at this time in the morning, unlike last month, so he didn’t have the excuse of busy tables. Maybe…he could just walk up to her, right? He could take that chance, right? Yeah, he could do this.

“Here you go!” Andrei said cheerfully.

“Thanks,” Dougie murmured.

The barista gave him a strange look at his distracted tone, and Dougie knew that Andrei was watching as he walked over to Ashley’s table…but here goes nothing. He could totally do this. He was an adult. He paid his taxes on time and everything. He could definitely ask a pretty woman if he could sit with her again.

“Hey, Ashley,”

She looked up from her laptop with a bright smile, making his breath catch in his throat.

“Dougie! Hi!” she said happily.

She remembered his name! Wow. No, focus.

“Do you, um…do you mind if I sit with you again?” Dougie asked.

Oh god, why couldn’t he just sound cool for once in his life? Why did he always have to be the least smooth version of himself that he could possibly be?

Ashley took one look around at all the empty tables and blushed even more, before she bit her lip and nodded. “Sure, go for it,”

That was a good sign, right?

Dougie sat down with a nervous smile, putting his coffee gently on the table.

“So, um, how have you been?”

Ashley looked surprised (oh god, was she only being polite before?) before that melted into a pleased look. Okay, he could work with that.

“I’ve been pretty good thanks, yeah. I’m just revising the list of essay topics that I’m giving my students on Monday, so not too much work to do today thankfully,” she said, “How about you?”

“I’ve been alright yeah. Work has been a little nuts with the new exhibition at the museum but it’s all come together really well!” Dougie said, beaming. What? Could a man not be excited about artwork? “what do you teach?”

Ashley smiled shyly, looking a little hesitant again. Dougie couldn’t help but frown a little. Had people made her feel awkward about her work before? That wasn’t okay! “I’m a Medieval History professor at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. My general focus is on the power of Medieval queens, but I teach everything from the expansion of medieval Europe to love in the middle ages, as well as on the general medieval and early modern history modules. I did my undergraduate and masters degrees at NYU, but I moved down here for the PhD opportunity. It’s now my second full year teaching and I just…I love it so much,”

A PhD?! Holy shit, that’s impressive. Wow. Just…wow. How could she be any more perfect?

“That’s incredible!” was all that Dougie could say.

“You don’t have to pretend, I know having a PhD isn’t exactly the coolest thing in the world, especially in medieval history,” Ashley mused.

Well it was definitely pretty fucking cool to him, no matter what other people had ever said to her. “I’m definitely not pretending, I promise. Medieval history is fascinating,” he insisted.

Ashley pursed her lips like she didn’t believe him, making Dougie laugh.

“I’m serious! I may not have a PhD but my masters thesis was a specialism in Rembrandt’s work. I’m a total art history nerd – 14th-17th century in particular,” Dougie explained.

Come on, let the nerdiness pay off for once…

Her face immediately lightened, her mouth forming into a surprised ‘o’, making him laugh again. At least, he hoped it was a good surprise?

“One of the classes I’ll be teaching next semester is Italian Renaissance and European History to 1650,” she murmured.

Holy shit. What a match up.

“Told you I wasn’t pretending to be interested,” Dougie grinned, “I’d definitely love to learn more about that class when you start it,”

Ashley blushed again, but her nervous smile had shifted into a full beaming smile, and his heart could only just about take it. Then she froze slightly, blinking, as if she’d forgotten something. What?

“Sorry, did you say museum earlier?” Ashley said suddenly, “like, you work at a museum?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m an associate curator at the North Carolina Museum of Art,” Dougie nodded.

He did his best not to puff out his chest in pride. He’d worked damned hard on his career and he was proud of it.

“I just…wow, I wouldn’t have expected it,”

Dougie laughed, raising an eyebrow at her sheepish smile.

“A guy who looks like you, like such an athlete’s build…oh god, sorry, that’s so rude of me,” she groaned, burying her face in her hands.

But Dougie just laughed, shaking his head. “Believe me, it’s far from the first time I’ve heard that,”

And never with such appreciation of his body either…

Look, he knew how the world perceived him on first glance. Tall, muscled guy, blonde hair and blue eyes, probably an all-american jock right? How he loved proving them wrong.

“Still doesn’t make it okay,” Ashley winced, “so I’m sorry,”

“Apology accepted,” Dougie mused, “I love my work, so it’s fun surprising people. Especially people with similar interests,”

Ashley bit her lip again but nodded and smiled, tilting her head to show she was listening. Wow, he could definitely get used to her looking at him with this much interest.

“Like I said, I’m an associate curator at the North Carolina Museum of Art. I’m actually Canadian, but I finished my masters degree in Boston and went straight into working at the MFA, but after working on a brief project in Calgary, I realised I wanted to work more in my specialist interests, y’know? So I applied for a role at the Museum of Art here, and became the associate curator of European Art. It’s…it’s everything I could’ve wished for, when I was studying,”

Dougie took a sip of his coffee while Ashley processed that flood of information, hoping he hadn’t come across too strong. People really did tend to zone out when he talked about his work…but hopefully because she also had an interest in European history and art, she wouldn’t be put off?

“I can definitely relate to following and achieving my passions for a niche subject,” Ashley grinned, “and I love that you love it so much. It’s rare, to find someone who gets such genuine joy out of their work. Even though work can sometimes be super stressful,”

“Stressful, but worth it. Especially when a new exhibition comes together so well,” Dougie agreed.

“Oh?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Dougie licked his bottom lip, trying not to look too nervous. This exhibition is such a big deal, and it had been such a lot of work. He could get a little excited about it now, right?

“Yeah, I’ve been working solidly for the past few months on the new exhibition – it’s opening next weekend. It’s a collection of Italian Renaissance Art,” Dougie said, a little hesitant.

Hesitant…because maybe that was a bit flashy? Did it sound like he was bragging? He really hoped not – not just because he was so proud of his work but he genuinely did want to excite Ashley…

“Oh no way! Really?” Ashley gasped.

Dougie bit his lips to control his grin. Oh thank fuck. Finally, someone he could actually impress with his love of art history. “Yeah, last quarter the museum acquired over 30 paintings from the 14th century from various collectors and this will be the first time they’ve all been together in the same room,”

“I bet they’ll be so beautiful all together after so long,” Ashley said, her voice a little wistful.

Wistful? He could fix that. Maybe. Yes, this was the perfect opportunity…

“Maybe we could…I know this might feel a little soon, but I’m…

Dougie trailed off with a frustrated groan, making Ashley giggle. For once, just once, let him be smooth! He took a deep breath, before trying again.

“Would you like to come to the exhibition opening with me?” he asked softly.

Ashley’s jaw dropped slightly, but she quickly nodded, making Dougie’s heartbeat kick up a notch. “Really?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’ve got a plus one as the associate curator, and there’s no-one else I could imagine going with. I think you’d love it,” Dougie explained, “and I’d love to show you the artwork,”

Was that too desperate?

“I’d…wow, I’d love to go with you,” Ashley said, her expression shy but pleased.

Shy but pleased. He could work with that.

“Great, it’s a date!”

Oh God. Dougie could only freeze…but then Ashley smiled. Huh, maybe not so cringey?

“A date huh? I’d love that too,” Ashley said shyly.

Oh thank fuck. Ashley just giggled at Dougie’s blush.

“Give me your number and I’ll text you the details?” Dougie suggested, trying to salvage at least a little bit of his dignity.

As Ashley took his phone from him and entered her phone number, Dougie could only sit in shocked silence. He’d done it. He’d actually asked her on a date. On a date where he could impress her with a topic they both loved so much. All he had to do now was not fuck it up.

That wouldn’t be so hard, right?

*

Ashley had been in a little bit of a daze when Dougie had left for work. He’d asked her on a date. On a date! And they’d exchanged numbers, Dougie having sent her a little smiley face so she had his number in return. She was just thankful that there wasn’t much work for her to do that day – there was no way she wouldn’t been able to focus otherwise.

And then throughout the week, they’d started exchanging cute little messages. Just sweet little things, like how was your day? and look how cute this dog is and I had the loudest school tour group come through the museum today and which of these texts is going to give me the worst teacher rating? – it was all silly and sweet and fun, and Ashley couldn’t remember the last time that the potential of a relationship had excited her so much.

There was just something about Dougie that made her heart beat a little faster every time she thought of him. It was bad enough when he would smile at her in passing in Storm Surge…but now, with every little text, she felt herself smiling even more than she could’ve imagined, like a giddy little schoolgirl with a first crush.

Because at the moment, it really was just a crush. They hadn’t gone out on their first date yet – in reality, they’d only sat together twice, with one of those times essentially being the exchange of their names. They’d only had one conversation in person. And the texts were so sweet and lovely…but they were just texts. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself and get her hopes up, you know? God knows that had happened enough times.

She couldn’t help but hope that finally, she had met someone with real potential. Dougie made it easy to hope.

Ashley supposed that their first date would be the real test of whether she’d just built up all the excitement of Tall Cute Guy in that coffee shop fantasy in her head, or whether he was the real deal. Their conversation in person on Sunday had been such a good start, but fuck please make him the real deal.

Was it really that much to ask?

Finally Friday rolled around and she was finished with work for the week. Well, mostly. Ashley had just come out of a bi-monthly faculty meeting and just had to check some emails before she could go home for the weekend (and to shave her legs because she found the cutest dress for her date on Saturday) – but as she got to her office, she noticed that Rod had stopped in the doorway, waving to some of their colleagues as they strolled past. Hmm.

“So…you’re looking incredibly chipper for someone who just got out of a tedious faculty meeting,” Rod teased, leaning against her doorframe.

Ashley just laughed, rolling her eyes fondly as she sat at her desk. “I don’t know why you complain so much – you’re the one who runs them,”

“Not through choice, I promise that,” Rod mused, shaking his head, “But you are looking extra cheerful today. Just feeling a little nosy, I guess,”

Ashley bit her bottom lip, hesitating. Should she tell him about her date? It’s not like Rod was a gossip…and it’s not like she had a whole host of friends to tell…

“I may or may not have a date tomorrow night,” Ashley eventually admitted.

His eyes immediately lit up. Oh God.

“Ooh a date, exciting!” Rod gasped dramatically, fanning himself like a southern belle.

“Oh my god, shut up,” Ashley giggled. That could’ve gone worse – but his excitement definitely lit up the butterflies in her stomach all over again.

Rod just laughed, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m just glad you’re giving someone a chance to sweep you off your feet,” he teased, “Who is he and where is he taking you?”

“He’s a guy I met in that coffee shop I go to on a Sunday, and he’s taking me to the new Italian Renaissance exhibition at the North Carolina Museum of Art,” she explained.

And she couldn’t wait.

“A cultured guy or a try hard?” he smirked.

“A cultured guy,” Ashley giggled, rolling her eyes, “he’s actually the associate curator who worked on setting up the exhibition,”

“Don’t we all love a man who knows his history, even if it is art,” Rod grinned, winking dramatically, earning another giggle, “Let me know how the exhibition is - I know my wife would love to go if it’s any good,”

“I’ll give you a full review on Monday,” Ashley agreed, nodding.

“And a full review of your date,” Rod grinned.

“Okay, out, out. I need to finish these emails before I leave,” Ashley laughed.

“I’m going, I’m going,” Rod mused, “If you need anything, even an escape clause tomorrow night, send me a text, okay?”

Her heart softened a little at his kind gesture, and she found herself nodding. “I don’t think it’ll come to that, but thank you, I appreciate it,”

“Any time,” Rod nodded.

Ashley bit her bottom lip to hide her grin as he shut the door behind him on the way out, and the butterflies in her stomach were still there. Saturday night couldn’t come soon enough.

*

Tonight was the night. Ashley only had a few minutes left before her uber arrived to pick her up to take her to the museum, and she couldn’t resist having a final glance in the mirror by her front door. She’d had a little panic over what the hell the dress code would be for a gallery opening, but after Dougie confirmed it wasn’t black tie, just formal dress, Ashley had consulted with some of her college friends (who were buzzing about the fact that she was actually going on a date), and decided that a midi cocktail dress was the way to go.

And she’d found the perfect one.

The dress she’d picked out in a local boutique was a beautiful forest green colour, complimenting her dark hair and hazel eyes perfectly. It fell to the middle of her shins, as her friends had recommended, and had thick shoulders straps, no sleeves but a neckline with a deep enough v that it should a little cleavage (classy cleavage of course, very sophisticated in her opinion). Her favourite part though was the Marilyn Monroe-esque twirl to the skirt – something she’d tested out several times already – and she just felt glamorous in it. She’d straightened her usually-messy hair and put on a little make-up too, to match the effort she was making with the dress. To be honest, Ashley felt beautiful, and she honestly couldn’t wait to see Dougie’s reaction. It was a hell of a lot different to her usual Sunday Storm Surge outfits, that’s for sure.

Soon enough, her uber was pulling up outside of the Museum of Art, and she thanked the driver as she got out. Thankfully, Dougie was already waiting at the top of the steps for her, and the smile that he sent her way made her breath catch in her throat. Ashley took the time to check him out as she walked up towards him, and she felt those butterflies start up again. He was wearing a gorgeous navy blue suit with a white shirt and grey tie, bringing out the colour of his eyes beautifully, and the stunned expression on his face as he looked at her made her blush a little. That was a good reaction, right?

“Wow. You look…amazing,” Dougie murmured, looking her up and down with awe.

Definitely a good reaction.

“You look really good too,” she grinned.

Dougie grinned back at her, before offering her his arm. “Shall we?”

Ashley fought not to squeal as she tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow. What a smooth move. “Lead the way,”

Dougie walked her inside, picking up a glass of champagne each after they dropped their jackets off. Then they were off. The two of them wandered around through the exhibition, Dougie guiding her and giving her the most indepth information she could’ve possibly hoped for. She’d never had such a personal tour like this, and he was so shy yet so knowledgeable that she couldn’t help but to drink up every word. This was what she had hoped for out of tonight, that passion coming through Dougie, and she was receiving it tenfold.

“This one is one of my favourites. Batoni’s The Triumph of Venice. There’s just so much going on, and I swear I notice something different every time I look at it,”

Ashley looked at the painting, taking in the many figures, the details, the colours, and couldn’t help but smile. It truly was a masterpiece.

“Oil on canvas? Maybe…early 1700s?” she guessed.

“Fuck that’s hot,” Dougie breathed.

He immediately flushed bright red, making Ashley giggle. Good to know that her vague art history knowledge was paying off. And that she could make him react like that…

“I love all the finessed detail in this one. Especially on the carriage – it’s exquisite,” Ashley murmured, looking back at it.

“Isn’t it?” Dougie grinned.

Ashley squeezed his arm gently, smiling up at him, earning a happy smile back. He was so clearly in his element, and she was loving every second. The way his entire face lit up when he talked about art…there was something just so beautiful in that. Those beautiful blue eyes were even more alive than ever, that spark of passion adding such a gorgeous element, and she really wanted to see more of it. That was a good sign, right? That she was already imagining more.

They moved on to the next painting, and Ashley’s breath caught in her throat. Wow.

“And this…this is the star of the collection. Giotto’s Peruzzi Altarpiece, the only complete altarpiece by the artist outside of Italy,”

Her jaw dropped a little. That was a big deal. “The only one?”

“The only one,” Dougie nodded.

“Holy shit,” Ashley mumbled, eyes wide.

Dougie grinned at her. “My sentiments exactly,”

“All of that gold. So much gold. And the details in their faces. Holy shit,” Ashley murmured.

“One of my favourite frescos, and I get to see it every day,” Dougie sighed happily.

“Well count me as jealous,” Ashley teased, nudging him with her shoulder.

Dougie just smiled shyly, rubbing the back of his neck. He was just so cute.

“Would you, um…would you like a new drink?”

“Sure, another couldn’t hurt,” she nodded.

It’s not like she drank champagne that often after all. And it was a special occasion…

They stayed in the museum for another hour, looking over some of the art again as well as mingling with Dougie’s colleagues (including a mostly silent guy Dougie introduced as ‘Foegs’, who gave Dougie a double thumbs up when he thought she wasn’t looking, and a very enthusiastic big blonde man named Jordie, who she learned was Dougie’s boss – which, wow). Their conversation just flowed, and the doubts that she’d had earlier were easily shoved to the back of her mind.

She’d never thought it would feel so natural spending the evening arm-in-arm with a guy, but Dougie had just blown her away.

All too soon, it was time to leave the museum though, and while Dougie got their jackets, Ashley opened her phone to request an uber. 5 minutes away. Perfect.

“I had a really great time tonight,” Dougie murmured, when they were waiting outside.

His own uber was only a couple of minutes behind hers.

“Me too,” Ashley admitted, smiling up at him, “Thank you for inviting me,”

“There’s no-one else I would’ve wanted to take. I just glad you enjoyed it,” Dougie smiled back.

“I enjoyed spending time with you. The exhibition was just a bonus,” she said softly, looking up at him through her lashes.

Holy shit she just flirted. Blatantly flirted. Too much?

But then Dougie blushed a little, before a small smirk spread across his lips. “Yeah?”

Ashley just bit her lip, nodding. Dougie’s blue eyes flashed a little darker, sending a hot jolt running through her body. Oh wow. Just like that huh. But then her phone buzzed, the uber car pulling up to the curb, breaking her out of her thoughts just before they started to spiral.

Calm down Ashley, it’s only the first date!

She waved at the uber driver to signal that she’d seen him before turning back to Dougie. “See you tomorrow?” Ashley asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I’ll be starting work a little later on the one off, as it was the exhibition opening tonight,” Dougie nodded, “I’ll be there,”

Ashley grinned at him, before leaning up and pressing a kiss to his cheek, laughing softly as his jaw dropped.

“Bye, Dougie,” she said softly, walking over to the car.

“Bye,” she heard him murmur, just as she closed the door.

“Hot date?” the uber driver teased.

“The hottest,” she grinned back.

That earned her a laugh, and she couldn’t help but smile as the driver pulled away from the curb. Ashley glanced out of the window, only to see that Dougie hadn’t moved at all – other than his fingers brushing over where she’d kissed his cheek, a hopeless smile on his face.

What a first date indeed.

*

To: Ashley

From: Rod

So how did the date go?

~

To: Rod

From: Ashley

The exhibition was incredible. You need to take your wife, for real.

~

To: Ashley

From: Rod

I actually meant the guy but sure…

~

To: Rod

From: Ashley

He was a perfect gentleman and…amazing.

You’ll get your full gossip on Monday.

~

To: Ashley

From: Rod

Boo fine.

I’m glad you had a good time though!

See you on Monday

*

 “I had a really great time tonight,”

“Me too,”

“I had a really great time tonight,”

“Me too,”

“I had a really great time tonight,”

“Me too,”

Wasn’t the saying that if things seemed too good to be true, then they probably were not?

Ashley had gone to bed feeling over the moon, elated, bubbling with excitement. But when she’d woken up, it was like a dark cloud had settled over her, a heavy rock of anxiety sitting on her chest. Everything had gone so well last night. So well. Too well? This wasn’t the first time that she’d gotten her hopes up only to have things fall apart around her – and her hopes had skyrocketed last night. All she felt was like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it made her feel sick.

That niggling negativity had swum around her brain over and over again, and she hadn’t been able to shut it off – not when she showered, not when she got dressed, and not when she sat on the sofa debating whether or not to actually turn up at the coffee shop.

Was this really what things had come down to? Tempted to break her solid routine, the exact routine she’d had every week, just because a guy made her nervous? Was he really that important? Was she really that much of a coward?

She sat on the sofa so long that she passed the time she would normally leave. Hell, she passed the time she would normally be sitting down at her usual table. Oh god she couldn’t take this. It was too much. Her legs bounced nervously as she pulled up the message thread she had with him, typing out a message to cancel…

…and then she deleted it.

Fuck that shit. No matter how anxious this whole dating thing made her feel, nothing was worth this. She couldn’t just not show up, that wasn’t right. That wasn’t her. Fuck this. As quickly as she could, Ashley grabbed her laptop and her handbag, driving as fast as she could to Storm Surge.

When she parked her car, she noticed that she had a few texts from Dougie. Oh god.

~

To: Ashley

From: Dougie

Hey, I’m coming a little earlier than usual today!

~

To: Ashley

From: Dougie

Are you running late?

~

To: Ashley

From: Dougie

Are you coming?

~

Oh god. Ashley winced, practically running to the shop, immediately spotting Dougie at her usual table in the back. The sheer relief on his face made her wince again. Fuck. His expression dimmed at little, but she quickly ordered her usual latte from Andrei, who looked an interesting mix of confused and concerned, but she headed over to Dougie without hesitating.

“Hey, um, sorry I’m late,” she murmured, setting her coffee and her laptop down on the table.

Dougie frowned at her briefly, clearly taking in whatever the hell her face was showing.

“Is everything okay?” he asked softly.

Ashley bit her bottom lip, hesitating. Might as well tell him the truth, right?

“I, uh, I was second-guessing everything?”

“Second-guessing?” Dougie asked, frowning harder.

Ashley just sighed. “Yeah, um, it’s dumb. I just…it all seems too good to be true? I woke up feeling like I’d gotten my hopes up and…fuck, I’m sorry. I just feel stupid now,”

Looking up at Dougie’s sad face immediately made her regret telling the truth, but it was too late now. Fuck. Why did she have to ruin everything? The fact that he was staying silent just made everything worse. Should she just go?

“What do you want to do now then?” Dougie eventually asked “or do you not know?”

Ashley swallowed heavily, looking down at her hands briefly. Hah. The million dollar question. “I know that I like you?” she offered.

Dougie huffed a laugh. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to get mad if you don’t want to go on another date,” Dougie said with a sad smile.

Oh god that was worse. He should never sound that disheartened – it wasn’t right. And it was all her fault.

“Would you even want to go on a date with me again when I’m this much of an anxious mess?” Ashley sighed.

After last night, this really wasn’t where she’d seen her day going. Self-sabotage was a bitch. But it was her own damn fault. It always was. But then Dougie reached his hand forward, fingers brushing over hers lightly to get her attention, making her blush as he smiled a bit more genuinely.

“Yeah, I would like to,” he nodded, “I had a really great time yesterday night, and I still want more,”

Oh, so maybe she hadn’t ruined everything then. What? Well shit, she was grabbing this second chance with both hands.

“I had a great time too,” Ashley admitted, blushing a little bit more, “even with this stupid anxiety,”

“Good. That’s…that’s really good,” Dougie laughed, “well, not the anxiety part, but I’m going to prove to you that this isn’t just getting your hopes up,”

“I’d like that,” she murmured.

Dougie smiled at her, a truly genuine happiness, making her breath catch in her throat. Fuck she didn’t deserve this. But there was no way she was going to let herself ruin this, not now.

“Maybe we could just talk for a couple of hours before I have to go into work? Have some coffee, a couple of those delicious blueberry-lemon scones, and just see where things go?” Dougie suggested.

Ashley nodded, the tight ball in her chest immediately loosening. God, he was such a nice guy. “I’d definitely like to get to know you more,” she agreed.

“Scones are on me then,” Dougie grinned.

Hope. A second chance. Bring it on.

*

When Dougie eventually walked into work, his shared office had more people in it that he cared for. Well, okay, that was a little mean. But right now was not the best time for the combination of Jordie and Foegs as well as Sebastian and Teuvo, especially not when all four of them had met Ashley last night. Not when they were all so intense. Not while things were still so tentative.

“So, how did it go?” Jordie asked excitedly, “it looked like the two of you were having fun!”

And here we go.

“Well last night, at the exhibition, went really well, but…”

Jordie and Foegs frowned as he trailed off, Sebastian and Teuvo just looked confused. Dougie sighed and sat down heavily at his desk.

“She was really hesitant this morning. Like, so full of anxiety that she almost didn’t show up for coffee,” he admitted, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck awkwardly.

“What do you mean?” Jordie asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

“She thinks it’s too good to be true?” Dougie winced.

Foegs looked a little stunned, Jordie’s jaw dropping. But then Sebastian jumped to his feet from where he was sitting on Jordie’s desk.

“Well then you’ll just have to sweep her off her feet!” Sebastian said firmly.

Really? Dougie sent him an unimpressed look, but Sebastian’s pout stayed serious as Teuvo giggled.

“As much as I hate to say it, Sepe has a point,” Foegs shrugged, making Sebastian stick out his tongue at him, “the two of you looked like you’d really hit it off when we were all talking, and the fact that Ashley did meet you this morning means a little anxiety shouldn’t stand in the way,”

“Take her on another date. Wine and dine, man. It’s a classic for a reason,” Jordie added, nodding seriously.

Well shit, if Jordie was being serious then maybe it would work.

“Thanks guys,” Dougie murmured, smiling softly.

“Anything to land you the woman of your many dreams,” Jordie beamed.

Dougie just blushed. Sebastian wriggled his eyebrows, Teuvo just punching him on the arm. It was almost a nice moment.

He waited until Foegs, Sebastian and Teuvo had left to start working before he pulled his phone out, biting his bottom lip as he thought of what to say.

~

To: Ashley

From: Dougie

Hey, I’m glad I saw you today.

I hope you’re still doing okay.

How do you feel about getting dinner with me?

~

Dougie jiggled his leg nervously as he logged into his computer, waiting with baited breath for any reply.

And then eventually, his phone buzzed. Ashley. Thank god.

~

To: Dougie

From: Ashley

I’m alright thanks. That scone definitely helped ;)

I would love to get dinner with you.

~

Dougie couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. Good. This was good. They exchanged a few more messages, eventually figuring out that because of his next few late nights with the exhibition and her essays she had to mark, neither of them were really free until next Saturday. A whole week away again. Fuck. No, this was going to work. Dougie knew it was worth it – and if she needed him to text a lot over the next few days to remind her that he was all in, that he wasn’t just going to disappoint her like those other guys, then he absolutely would.

Wine and dine next Saturday. He could absolutely do this.

“Hey, what was the name of that place you took your wife out for date night a couple of weeks back?” Dougie asked, looking up at his boss.

Jordie’s face lit up. “Oh man, it was so good…”

*

As Dougie promised himself, they kept texting throughout the week. He told her fun stories from visitors to the exhibition. She told him silly comments her students made that she couldn’t respond to without laughing in class. He told her all about his time in Boston. She told him all about her time in New York. He sent her a picture of the cutest trio of dogs his neighbours adopted. She sent him a picture of a sunset that took her breath away. Things were…good. He was just glad that Ashley seemed as enthusiastic as she was before their first date.

All he could hope was that he was proving to her that he was different. That he was serious about giving their budding relationship a shot. He hadn’t bonded with someone as quickly as this, as deeply as this, ever – so he wanted to see where it went. The unknown with Ashley genuinely excited him, and he wanted her to feel the same excitement.

He could only try to be good enough to deserve her.

By the time Saturday rolled around, Dougie was a nervous wreck. He’d left work exactly on time for once, Jordie giving him a thump on the shoulder and Foegs a thumbs up (he mostly ignored Sebastian and Teuvo’s shimmies), racing home to change into a nice sweater and his favourite pair of smart jeans. Casual but like he cared about making an impression. That was what he was aiming for.

And then Ashley arrived 10 minutes early, just after he’d arrived himself, looking nervous but happy in the prettiest baby blue tea-dress he’d ever seen, with her hair curled and wearing a pretty pink lipstick. Wow.

“You look beautiful,” he blurted.

Oh god. Mr Smooth, again.

Ashley just blushed, smiling up at him. “Thank you. I love your sweater,”

Dougie blushed in return. What a pair they made.

“After you,” he said, opening the restaurant door for her.

As much as her anxiety had worried him, he was so glad he didn’t give up – she was absolutely worth it. They were lead to their table, Dougie being a bit extra and pulling out Ashley’s chair for her, but the giggle he got in return was what he was aiming for. Wine and dine. Sweep her off her feet. That’s all that he wanted to do, and if it was working then he wasn’t going to stop now.

“I was thinking we could split a bottle of wine tonight, if you want?” Dougie offered.

“Yeah that sounds good to me,” Ashley nodded, “Maybe a white wine?”

That was more than okay with him. Red wine made him a little…over the top? He definitely talked too much when he had red wine, he knew that much, and he wanted to save at least a little dignity tonight. Hopefully, at least.

The wine was ordered, and by the time they each had a cold glass of sauvignon blanc, Ashley looked as relaxed as Dougie felt. He could only hope the rest of this night turned out the same way.

“So did I tell you what one of Rod’s students said to him yesterday?”

Dougie grinned, shaking his head. “No you didn’t!”

Ashley grinned back. “Well…”

They talked for hours, sharing stories about their jobs, their interests, their families, not stopping when any of their three courses came, not hesitating even once. Nothing was awkward in the slightest – their conversation just flowed like they’d known each other for years, and Dougie’s heart was just so happy. This was everything he’d wanted for so long, someone he could truly been 100% himself with, and he couldn’t believe that she seemed as into him as he was into her.

How was this possible, after only two dates?

Time flew by so fast, too fast, and they did eventually have to leave their table, even as much as Dougie didn’t want the night to end. He just felt utterly consumed by her, completely and utterly lost in her very being, and he didn’t want this feeling to stop for anything.

It probably didn’t help that they’d split three bottles of wine though.

It wasn’t enough to make either of them sloppy drunk, not with the delicious food they’d eaten, but Ashley was definitely a bit more giggly than usual, and he was definitely smiling like an idiot.

“I wish your uber wasn’t on its way,” Dougie sighed, when they were outside.

“I’m actually not a far walk from here, so I was just going to walk home?”

At this time of night? Absolutely not! Ashley saw the look of indignation of his face and burst into laughter, making him blush (again). What? He wasn’t wrong for being worried about her getting home safely.

“You could always walk me home?” she suggested.

Oh. Oh. Oh yeah okay, he could do that.

“Yeah, definitely,” Dougie nodded quickly.

Dougie’s heart started beating a little faster as she looped her arm through his, and it was all he could do not to smile at her too helplessly. How did she manage to affect him like this? He’d never fallen so head over heels so quickly. And she seemed completely oblivious to how gone he was for her – in the most innocent of ways.

They walked slowly, leaning on each perhaps a little more than they would without the wine, but it just meant that they had more time for talking. Dougie was blissfully happy to let Ashley rant about the indignity of the black myth surrounding Eleanor of Aquitaine, taking in everything that she was trying to teach him. He loved how much she loved her medieval history, just like he loved his art. It was quirky and different and so unique to her. And honestly, he could picture them doing this together for years, discussing their passions and their love for their careers and…

“Okay this is me,” Ashley announced, breaking him out of his thoughts.

Dougie looked up at the old two-storey home with a smile. So this was her home. Pretty.

“That wasn’t so bad a walk,” Dougie grinned.

“I feel bad now though, making you get further away for your own journey,” Ashley frowned.

But Dougie shook his head. “It’s fine really. I’m sure there are plenty of ubers still running around here,”

“Well…”

Ashley trailed off, biting her lip, making Dougie smile. What was on her mind?

“You can stay, if you want?” Ashley said, a shy smile on her face.

Oh fuck. Stay? Ashley saw the shock on his face, before she blushed furiously, quickly shaking her head.

“I have a spare bedroom! I swear I didn’t mean it like that,” she groaned, covering her face with her hands.

Dougie couldn’t help but laugh, tugging her hands away gently. Not that he was opposed to…sharing a bed with her, but that wasn’t the vibe of tonight. Tonight was for building them up, getting them to a more comfortable level. And fuck did it feel good tonight.

Waking up to see her first thing in the morning would only be icing on the cake.

“I would love to stay, as long as you don’t mind,” he said softly, brushing his hand against hers.

Ashley inhaled sharply but nodded, wordlessly reaching in her handbag for her keys. They stayed silent as they walked into the house, Dougie barely moving a foot away from her as she showed him the kitchen, the bathroom and then the spare bedroom. He could do a proper tour in the morning, he knew that. He was just a little stunned that he was even still with her, to be honest.

“So here’s some basketball shorts that my cousin left last time he visited. I don’t have a shirt big enough for you though,” she apologised, handing him a soft bundle.

Dougie just shook his head, smiling. “This is more than enough. I usually sleep shirtless anyway,”

Ashley’s lips parted a little in surprise, her eyes glazing over slightly, making Dougie grin as she shook her head as if to clear it. Good to know he had that effect on her.

“There are spare toothbrushes under the sink from when I last when to the dentist’s office, so help yourself to whatever one?” she offered.

Dougie just nodded, squeezing her hand as he walked into the bathroom. He willed himself to retain at least a little bit of chill as he got changed, quickly washing his face and cleaning his teeth with one of the toothbrushes she’d offered. This was all still a little bit surreal, being honest. But he was going to seize this with both hands – this was a chance he was never going to get again if he fucked up.

Ashley couldn’t seem to keep her eyes off him as they swapped places in the bathroom, and Dougie tried not to grin as he flexed his abs a little, making her blush. He could have a little fun, right? Especially since he knew the boundaries he needed to stay behind, he wasn’t dumb.

By the time he’d put his phone on charge and folded his clothes onto a chair for tomorrow, and then headed back out into the corridor, Ashley was back, dressed in a cute little pair of shorts and a giant t-shirt. Oh wow, he could definitely imagine her wearing his t-shirt to bed one day. No, not the time!

“Hey,”

Ashley’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, and he couldn’t help but smile down at her.

“Hey,” he murmured.

“See you in the morning?” she said hopefully.

Like fuck he was going to leave. “Bright and early,” he nodded.

But when she didn’t go anywhere, her hand moving to rest on his bare arm, Dougie couldn’t stop himself from stepping towards her. Fuck. She inhaled sharply, but didn’t push him away, and that was all he needed.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked lowly.

Ashley’s lips parted in a soft gasp, but she nodded. “Yeah, please,”

Dougie raised a hand to cup her face, giving her one last out, but as she raised up on her tiptoes he didn’t hesitate any further. He leant his head down, and pressed his lips to hers softly, barely able to stop the moan that wanted to tear from his throat. Holy shit. Ashley clutched at his biceps, leaning up into the kiss even more, making Dougie’s head spin as he kissed her softly, slowly, over and over again. This was so not what he expected from tonight, or even hoped for, but fuck did it fill his body with butterflies. Holy shit, kissing her was everything. Eventually, he brushed his tongue against hers gently, before pulling away, knowing there was a stupid smile on his face.

“Wow,” he breathed.

“Wow,” she nodded, laughing softly, “That’s one hell of a goodnight,”

Dougie laughed softly too, pecking her lips in a soft kiss one last time before stepping away. She leaned against the wall, looking a little stunned, making him grin as he walked into her spare bedroom. If he didn’t walk away, he knew he would do something stupid to break them out of this perfect little sweet bubble, and that wasn’t what he wanted. Not tonight.

Tonight had been perfect. 

*

Ashley woke up slowly, a little groggy, feeling like she was forgetting something. Then she heard the bathroom door opening, and everything came flooding back to her. Dougie was here. He’d stayed over after their date last night. They’d kissed. Holy shit. Holy shit. She took a deep breath to calm herself, fingers rising to her lips without a second thought, and it was all she could do to smile.

Dougie had kissed her. And it was everything.

She squealed softly into her pillow, feeling stupidly giddy, before quickly picking out a cute jumper and her comfiest skinny jeans to wear. She could hear him moving in the spare bedroom, so she quickly darted into the bathroom, washing and then brushing her teeth, unable to stop the smile that spread across her face at the sight of the toothbrush that Dougie used resting in the holder. There was just something about it that felt right.

She took a deep breath, running her hands down her sweater to smooth it, before she headed out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. It didn’t take long for Dougie to join her, and he accepted the glass of juice that she passed him with a smile.

“Good morning,” he murmured.

“Good morning,” she said softly back.

Dougie seemed to hesitate slightly, before his face became determined. She didn’t have time to ask him what was wrong before he leant down and pressed his lips to hers in a firm kiss. Ashley whimpered softly into his mouth, earning a soft noise back, and it was all she could do to clutch at his sweater. Holy shit. This was just as incredible and sweet as she remembered from last night. Wow. Dougie cupped her face with his free hand, thumb brushing over her cheekbone as he slowed the kiss down to a few gentle pecks, before he pulled away with a smile. Ashley just smiled back up at him, a little overwhelmed in the best way. Wow.

“Coffee shop?” he said.

“Yeah, if that’s alright,” she nodded.

He understood her routines. And he didn’t care that she wanted to stick to them. How could she not appreciate that?

Dougie just nodded in response, smiling as he sat down at her kitchen table, taking a sip of the juice she’d given him. “I wouldn’t mind changing out of last night’s clothes though. Not really my vibe,” he teased.

Ashley giggled, understanding perfectly. It wasn’t her vibe either.

“I could drive you over to yours, to get a change of clothes, and then we could head to Storm Surge together?” she suggested.

“Yeah? You want to walk in together like that?” Dougie asked, a little hopeful.

Holy shit, that would be one hell of a declaration. But…

“Yeah, I want that,” she nodded.

The grin that spread across Dougie’s face made the butterflies in her stomach worth it.

“Let me just put on some mascara and lipstick, and we can go?”

“Sure, whatever you want,” Dougie smiled.

Now that was a dangerous thought.

All too soon, Ashley was parked down the street from the coffee shop. She took a deep breath, Dougie sending her an encouraging smile, before she steeled herself and got out of the car. This was nervewracking. Storm Surge was her home away from home, her safe space, her comfort, and now she was completely changing the status quo. But as Dougie walked to her side, smiling down at her with such hope in his eyes, she knew it was worth it. He was worth it.

“Ready?” Dougie asked, holding out his hand.

Holy shit. Bring it on.

Ashley smiled up at him, taking his hand in hers, embracing the butterflies that came with the warmth of his grasp. They walked to the coffee shop together, Dougie squeezing her hand gently as she opened the door and walked through.

“Ashley! And…Dougie?”

Andrei’s gasp made her blush, Dougie just laughing. Then Andrei’s face broke into a huge grin, and he spun around.

“Marty! It’s happened! It’s finally happened!” Andrei yelled into the back of the shop.

What the hell?

A door slammed open in the back, and then Marty came barrelling out. He took one look at them holding hands before punching his fist in the air.

“LET’S GOOOO!”

Ashley flinched at Marty’s loud voice, but couldn’t help but giggle when he bounded over to Andrei, swinging an arm over his shoulders.

“Finally! Do you know how long we’ve been rooting for you two?” Marty beamed.

Oh god. Ashley blushed furiously, as did Dougie, and she couldn’t help but laugh. “Was I that obvious?” Ashley asked shyly.

“Both of you were. It was so frustrating but so sweet,” Marty shrugged, Andrei nodding enthusiastically in agreement. “We just hoped you guys would take a chance,”

Take a chance. Hah. That’s definitely a good way to describe it. And he was so worth taking a chance on. Dougie smiled fondly down at her, before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

“Well I’d say our second date went pretty well,” Dougie said softly, squeezing her hand.

Ashley smiled back, nudging him with her shoulder, earning coos from Marty and Andrei.

“Okay, you two are giving me cavities,” Marty said cheerfully, not even slightly annoyed, “Coffee and anything you want to eat, on the house. I need to tell Slavs – he’s going to be thrilled!”

Ashley just giggled, leaning into Dougie’s body as she looked over the cakes and pastries on display. Being with Dougie, this fledgling relationship, was scary – but it was also so exciting. She couldn’t wait to see what happened next. This was the start of something amazing, she just knew it.

[strwberrytae]

So Long, Farewell, and Goodbye For Now -

“I don’t know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence.”     - Lang Leav

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Hello, You ♡ Yes, You. You ethereal, beautiful being. I am writing to you with bittersweet yet wonderful news - depending on the perspective. I am writing this post to inform all of you that I will no longer be writing for this blog for the foreseeable future. What I mean by that is that I am not giving up writing forever, no. But my life has changed so much over the last two years, I do not see myself writing again for quite some time. But don’t worry! I will be back!

Below the Read More section, I have poured my heart and soul into the real reasons why I’ve made this decision. I warn you, it’s lengthy but it’s everything that has led up to this over the years. So, if you fancy, have a read. If not, I bid you farewell and wish you all the happiness in the world. Thank you for supporting me so far. I truly appreciate it and love you all very dearly. Now, if you wish to read it at a later time, I will have a link available on my page at all times for anyone who is curious. It’s a hell of a story if you ask me ~

Edit: Made by Me - also, a surprise photo at the end Warnings/Triggers: Talks of emotional abuse, depression, and suicide but also happiness and love -

When I first started this blog, it was 2016. I had been on Tumblr for over a decade now but BTS led me to writing passionately for 2 years. I was incredibly active and utterly consumed by this website. Not just for the writing, but I was so obsessed because of my friends and mutuals that I made along the way. Can I just say that I’ve met some incredible people on this platform - including my best friend and soulmate? Truthfully, the absolute best friend I have ever had. But more importantly, Tumblr was my greatest escape. I mean this website truly has been my saving grace through very dark times.

In that part of my life, I was in an extremely toxic relationship; by then, it was 6 years I was with him. He was emotionally abusive, had such a short-fuse temper, hated everyone I knew which led me never really seeing any of my friends after college, knew I was anorexic and did nothing to stop me, knew I had depression since we started dating and always argued it as if it wasn’t real, crushed my dreams and ambitions, mocked potential suicide attempts, expected me to just abandon all hope to ever leave home to explore someplace new or get a job that I actually love. He was...just the worst. Never hit me though, so I’m grateful for that. But sometimes I wish he would so it would have given me the voice I needed to get out of that relationship much sooner than I did. But regardless, because of him plus having a soul-sucking job that wore me down to the core, Tumblr was my escape. BTS was my escape.

I fell hard and I fell deep. I created a fantasy world within this world. All of my dreams, fantasies, desires, and hopes were poured into my writing. My imagination was running wild. My activity was through the roof because I was always on here day in and out, just pretending like the outside world didn’t exist. It consumed me...but I needed it. Looking back, it was pretty excessive. At the time, I seemed perfectly normal because everyone else was just as active and saying the same things and doing the same things. I felt a belonging, like I fit in.

But I hated the person I became. It took me getting yelled at, mocked, ridiculed, and belittled by my ex to snap me out of that illusion I built and back into reality. That was the roughest night that we had filled with lots of screaming on his end and crying on my part. He thought my obsession was sick. He thought it was disgusting. It all started because he found fake texts I had made with Jimin and Tae. Don’t recall the story it was a part of but he thought they were texts with the actual members… In my eyes, I should get credit for making them look so legit but he didn’t see it that way. He thought fangirling over men was essentially cheating. No matter how hard I tried to explain, he didn’t understand. But a part of his view was right. I learned that I was a bit too much into it and I really needed to take a step back from Tumblr for a while. So I did. I deactivated my account and disappeared for months. Also because he made me and threatened our relationship if I didn’t. Should have taken the out but ah well.

Just two months prior to this incident, I attempted suicide. Well, contemplated. Everything was planned out. Bought a hotel room for Thanksgiving night as I was working a super late shift until about 1-2am. My commute home was an hour long and I still had to come back to work at 7am. So I got a room. Brought a large amount of pills with me and I was going to call it. No notes written to friends, family, or loved ones. Nothing. I was done. Didn’t think anyone would miss me. I just figured the world would keep turning without me. I had thought about doing this several times before but this was my first time making plans for it. It was my lowest of the low. But then I met someone that night that changed my life entirely just in a 10 minute interaction of talking - nothing special. We’ll get to that later. But this person just gave me hope and to this day, I still can’t explain it. It was euphoric. I felt clarity. It was in that night that I thought I might hold out just a little bit longer.

And thus @strwberrytae was born - but it was far from the same. At first, I restarted the blog in secret. Why would I do this? Why would a 25 year old open a blog in secret? Well, two months after the awful fight, my ex proposed to me and I said yes. I know. Believe me, I know. I was scared. My depression was getting worse again. I no longer had an escape except for books. All I did was read so I had some sort of reality to be in besides my own. But returning to a brand new blog did not give the same satisfaction as returning to an old blog.

I worked so hard on my first blog and this redo, I tried to consider it as a gift. Perhaps this was a chance to start anew and rebrand myself. This optimism kept up for quite some time. Slowly, I added my favorite past works then added some new chapters. If you’ve been here with me since 2017, you would know that my appearance on Tumblr was still not the same. Then I got married in October.

An empty, loveless marriage that I regret to this day. Needless to say, my writing and activity on Tumblr was still practically non-existent as I was still too scared of getting caught. Even though he finally gave me permission to use it again because he could tell how miserable it was making me. Yes, gave me permission. Thankfully, it all ended after a year. I finally went to a therapist even though I hated them so much and all past therapists I had. She was pretty great. Within five sessions, I summoned the courage to break up with this guy. I was finally set free. Nearly 9 years together and I finally felt like I could breathe.

Unfortunately, although I was free, I had to live with the guy for about 5 months after the breakup. Which was beyond rough, believe me. Imagine someone writhing in pain and bawling their eyes out and venting non-stop about all of their faults and wrongdoings every single day. At the end of the day, as shitty as he was to me, he was my best friend too. We went through a lot of shit together and he did have some good sides to him too. So witnessing this was horrendous. Needless to say, I wasn’t getting much privacy either. Writing was not my top priority. Now it’s 2019 and things changed drastically for the better - and worst.

Remember the person I met in 2016 on Thanksgiving night? Well, that person is someone I crushed on every since that night. For 2 years. People, I’m telling you. He did absolutely nothing special that night. He didn’t flirt with me. He didn’t check me out. He didn’t do anything remotely to make a girl swoon but I was so drawn to him. The only word that could describe it was “cosmic” - beautifully cosmic. 

Well in January 2019, 2 months following my break up, he came into my store one day. And my god did he look incredible. He was dressed head to toe in black - a fitted black suit at that. He even wore this long, designer jacket to match. Hair shaved on the sides with beautiful, thick dark hair on top. So tall - 182cm. A smile that could kill; quite literally. The canines are on point. He looked like a five course meal. That day, he definitely flirted with me. By the end of the week, we had our first date. Sadly, I also lost my job in the same week and was unemployed for a year because no one would hire me. I was laid off and one of my seniors took my job. Of course, they needed to keep me around for the holidays and then give me the boot. I was devastated. I hated that job so much as it only aided in fueling my depression but losing it was definitely an amazing thing. And! I survived on my savings and definitely didn’t spend my time writing. I had life to sort out last year - like from the ground up. No worries though. I got a job in February 2020 and I love it, so it’s all good, baby. Now I’m in the health field and feel like I’m actually helping people, which I love.

Now, here we are 2 years later and I’m engaged to the man.  Someone who makes me smile everyday, believes in me, encourages me, let’s me be 100% myself, travels with me, taught me how to love myself, taught me to accept my body, gets me on a level that only my best friend could, and someone who goes above and beyond every single day to show me how much he loves me. Bonus, he welcomes my love for BTS with open arms, reads my writing, AND has even been sucked in himself to the fandom. Jungkook and Jimin, look out. You got another fanboy. I thought true love was impossible for me but I was very, very wrong.

He has shown me that I can be happy and I have finally experienced true happiness. When people ask how I’m doing, I don’t cringe and lie through my teeth. I smile and say that I am doing well because by George, I am. Everyone around me has seen me over the last two years and made the comment, “you look so much happier”. They meet him and swoon just as much as I do. Is he perfect? No, he’s not. He has flaws just like everyone else but he actually grows and learns from his mistakes to better himself. That’s what amazes me the most. Even if we argue, which is seldom, he refuses to let it go without resolution so we can always fix whatever the issue is. As we like to call it, we’re in-sync. In everything, we’re always so in-sync. I’m wildly in love, my dudes.

So, why am I not writing anymore? To put it simply, I’m happy and don’t really feel the desire to write anymore - at least not fanfiction. Even when I was super young, like elementary school, I used writing as an outlet for my dark escape. I wrote poetry primarily and by middle school, it turned to fanfiction for Supernatural, Simple Plan, and Panic! At The Disco. Along with a very long list of other bands and shows but anyways. I’ve been severely depressed since I was 15 and fanfiction put me in this hole that I couldn’t get out of. I relied on this method to help me get through all the bad shit I was dealing with. It was my coping mechanism.

Now? While depression never truly goes away as the lovely disease that it is, I am genuinely happy. Because of this, when I opened all of my past works and works in progress, I felt nothing but guilt. Guilt for not keeping up with my chapters or keeping my account active. I felt dread to have to escape in this world that I had created. I felt no joy or excitement. It was the strangest feeling that happened all in a matter of seconds. Thus leading to my final decision to take a step away from writing. Do I still love it? Absolutely. But now I think I’m going to re-route and focus my writing on what I love - reality. I’m going to get back into journaling and write essays about love and beauty as I’ve always loved to do. But for escaping into a fantasy world? I don’t know when I’ll be back.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “But you can write and be happy!” Nah fam. Writing has been my aid through dark times and now I mostly associate it with those dark times. And for once in my life, I feel this desire to enjoy reality and remain in it - with the exception of journaling here and there. Even daydreaming is difficult. It’s strange. I love my reality. This sounds like gloating now but it’s truly a remarkable feeling. When you’ve been battling depression for 15 years, it feels really freaking nice to say that I’m happy.

So that’s why I’m taking a break - in a very long, drawn out way. But my hope was that after this long story, you might understand truly why I am doing this. It would have been easier to just say that writing doesn’t bring me joy anymore but I feel that I owe more than that; especially because I really don’t know if I’ll write for this blog ever again. The last time I took a break, I disappeared without being able to explain myself and I wanted to do so now that I have the chance.

Ultimately, thank you to everyone who has stuck by me over the years. It’s truly been one hell of a rollercoaster. The friends I’ve made on here have seen me at my lowest of the lows. But hey! I’ll still be around. I just won’t be publishing or continuing any of my works anywhere in the near future. Seriously though. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This website has helped me tremendously and I’ll never forget it. Besides, there’s lots of other exciting things happening in my life now so you’ll certainly see me pop in here and there to talk about it ♡

If you wish, you can message me for questions or anything you want to know. I’m an open book - at least about most things hehe. And don’t worry. I still very much love Taehyung and still wildly obsessing over how marvelous he is. Umf.

(here’s some recent photos of me as i rarely take selfies anymore haha. and a derp photo of me and the man i love >_< why is the cutest photo of him with the worst photo of me? still cute though hehe)

[redxblueihateloveyou]

spill the yoi hot takes :o

I’m really flattered with the amount of asks (I hope you won't mind that I combined at least 5, it's just easier this way), interested in my yoi opinions, I wasn’t planning to get into that honestly, until I mentioned it to my friend Alex (I’ve mentioned him here before without a name tho, he’s gay, he’s very into anime, he was also the one behind that 4am text “but how do u think Rin’s teeth feel on Haru’s dick” lol). 

I just didn't want to rewatch it, as I've said before, but something he said got me very intrigued and last week ended up with me staying until 7am for a virtual watch party that got pretty hilarious, but not for the yoi reasons lol.

So just know that to be completely fair we did it and I'm saying everything below with a very fresh impression, which hasn't changed really bc like I'm 25, I was watching it the first time when I was 21, not 14 xD. I think it got worse actually.

Once again, I know that since they’re both gay sports animes comparisons are inevitable, but to me one has nothing to do with the other and no matter the fact that I adore Free! and don’t like YOI, I don’t want to throw words like smth is “superior” out there, bc I don’t want to be like those YOI fans back in the days, who thought that none other gay ships should exist after this (unless they say smth specifically for me to counterattack, then I can say whatever lol).

Like if you love stories like this, it’s okay. Like what you like. But to yell at everybody that they must think that this is how relationships should be and trash every other gay ship in existence, you maybe should not, especially when you don’t really have much to be proud of. Just like kisses don’t make a love story high-quality, full censorship doesn’t take away a good love story.

"Heaven official’s blessing” is also censored, but no matter how much you censor it, their love for each other is seen in their actions so clear, that it is in fact will not take anything away from the power of their feelings and the greatness of their love story if at the end they won’t show them kissing. Just like if I kiss a random stranger on the street, it won’t make us the best couple in the world.

Now I went into watching YOI unbiased the 1st time I watched it (I did watch it after Free, bc it was in “recommended”). I did not expect it to be “like Free”, I just wanted smth that’ll give me the same kind of emotion, investment in the story, ship, etc. It didn’t, so I just moved on.

I didn’t even think deep about why. I thought I just grew out of the “Cinderella” stories a long time ago or as it was here not very gracefully called “how to turn the pig into the prince”.

Like if you want the “she’s all that” but with the boy instead of a girl, you’ll probably enjoy YOI. But once again, love stories I enjoy are the opposite of those. It's really nothing bad, if you enjoy the stuff like “Someday my prince will come” in whatever age tbh, but I since a certain age just wasn’t invested in those anymore and began to obsess with stories like “Anastasia” instead, and I’m talking about love stories with less naivety in between and feelings out of nowhere, but more stuff like “yes, bitch, I find you attractive, true, but whether I fall for you unconditionally or not, only real life situations will tell later on”.

And I don’t mean stuff like going through war together or some epic journey, but grown ups must know those. Those life situations or even tiny things someone do, that make you not only fall for someone, but think “yeah, I can imagine my life with you”.

Like in my humble opinion, you can’t fall in love with someone bc of the way they swim or skate, for example. What ppl call “love at first sight” is in fact “attraction at first sight”. So yes, we do joke about Rin falling in love at first sight, bc he did in fact walked into the hall, saw Haru and was like “dat bitch is so fine”, even tho he was just standing there, but once again, he was just attracted to him. What happens after this is you can go on a whole beautiful journey with tiny Rin putting together the prettiest puzzle of why he falls for Nanase Haruka. In such little things like when Haru slowed down when he saw Nagisa feeling bad during running and Rin was like “omg you’re so uwu”, how he mentions that he always helps ppl, but never asks for help himself, he slowly gradually paints a picture of what kind of person Haru is, same goes for Haru about Rin. And then you have a whole story of them falling for each other all over again when they’re already adults, and you again watch it through their eyes, and once again I’m not in fact talking about some grand gestures like 1x12, I’m talking about stuff like them focusing on Haru’s eyes shaking, when he saw that Rin secretly helps Rei to learn how to swim. It’s the little things, that you watch and you get why they feel what they feel for each other. And that also makes you fall in love more with their characters by seeing how the other sees them.

YOI doesn’t have those moments. Not only they weren’t in any situations that would make them know each other for who they really are, they hardly even know the basic info about one another. Hell, the viewer doesn’t know anything about them. And this is why to me it goes into the category of those typical romcoms I can’t get invested in.

So I don’t think these two can be compared. And while some yell “bc you’re not canon, but yoi is canon”, I think they can’t be compared for another reason. Bc some ppl are trying to prove to me that a 27 years old man fell head over heels in love with someone overnight during a drunk banquet, then watched a vid of him skating and flew to another country and hey “if you win a gold medal, lets get married”. This is not the kind of relationship progression I’m looking for like at all. Between that time he started training him and their “censored kiss” there was nothing and I mean nothing that’d made me go “yeah, I see why he loves him”.

But anyways, lets live piecefully really, you can like one, you can like both, it’s all okay.

Like I know many have ptsd and it’s true that back when YOI was popular, most of their fans for real did annoy to death almost everyone, bc they yelled that No.6 is trash, when someone said “but you’re not the only one gay story that’s not based on sex”. They yelled that Free! has no right to exist bc its queerbating (LOL). By that time, I’m not gonna lie I was ready to poke my eyes out each time I saw smth YOI related, bc it was like: you make a multigay shipping vid -  “how dare u not include YOI”, you make a gifset - “you forgot YOI” like I HAD TO like it just bc it’s gay. There is no such rule to me. Just like I don’t care for some hetero romances, I don’t care for some gay romances. Simple is that. Once again gay has nothing to do with the relationships dynamic and the story.

Yeah, comments about fanservice. Like why should I watch Victor’s naked ass for several minutes every episode, but don’t get to see Haru or Rin’s at least once? So salty rn.

Free is more fanservice-y.. well, it’s hella fanservicy, yes, but like we can’t swim in shirts, you can tho not show naked ass in each episode, I thought you were skating. 

See, it’s all debatable.

But I do wish ppl stop putting yoi relationships on a piedestal, their relationship are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too far from being inspirational for many and not even close to the what love is in my opinion. If you seek smth of a very high standart of gay love, choose MDZS for example, idk. But don’t throw YOI at ppls faces as a “this is how should be”. Not everyone wants that.

I don’t need a half-assed engagement and esp the censored kiss (like either do it or don’t do it at all honestly). Also stuff like this should carry weight. I don’t want things for the sake of things.

Like to me Rin’s “the only thing that hasn’t changed in my life is how I feel about you” speech, considering the fact that he felt like that throughout all those years, means hella more, than this. 

I think 1stly, it’s because of the “it’s like it was a destiny xD” factor and 2ndly, bc at least this scene gives a little more sense to the fact that he flew to another country to train him. Now it’s if “I fell MADLY in love in one drunk night and was pining my whole life after that and that vid was a sign for me to go see you again” makes any sense to you. At least that’s how some fans read it.

Once again it might be a good thing for a passable one-time romantic comedy. But plots and pairings like this is what made me turn to anime in the first place, so.. sorry lol.

All this mega tragic posts of “Victor was soooo in love for such long time, it’s so sad” made me laugh so hard. Like he feel in love so hard during a one drunk banquet with a guy who was so drunk he didn’t remember anything he did? WHY? HOW? what could he possibly do to make him fall that hard, no one knows. Like to me the only reason u can fall for someone in one night is if you saw him risking his life saving a kitten or a puppy from a car or smth.

I’m just not the kind of person who thinks you can fall for someone for no reasons. Again, you can find someone attractive and go from there, but there must be things along the way that will make me believe in the progression of it. It can of course all come in the future, but the story was what the story was. Whatever you are trying to add to it is already a fanfiction.

YOI is not boring per se, bc everything goes way too fast and sometimes with no reasoning, so I was more surprised that “this was it?” lmao. But their relationships are dull, yes. Bc there is nothing to even discuss really, you can only assume things, bc the whole thing didn’t give u much, esp in the characters department. It’s just really funny to me that someone would write a whole post of “I love this character bc I presume he’s like that”, usually it’s “I love this character bc facts, facts, facts”.

______

Now back to the beginning of my post and to the funny story that happened. We were randomly discussing shit, when I mentioned about possibly rewatching YOI, bc I didn’t want to start talking about smth in case I forgot some stuff (I didn’t btw lol) and turned out that he freaking disliked it a lot. I never even asked, for some reason, and we’ve been yelling about Free! and other stuff for ages and like his boyfriend is in love with Sousuke and they both adore rinharu to death.

And he has lots of gay friends who love Free (this made me happy the most, btw during our YOI chat I asked and it was 4:1 harurin:rinharu haha I win) and some ships from Haikyuu too, but turns out that literally none of them were into YOI. And the funniest thing he said was “bc it felt more heterosexual than some heterosexual stories I’ve watched”. Now I don’t know if it would make sense to anyone else out there, but I kinda did get what he meant.

I asked if it was bc of the “fairytale setting” and the fact that no one cared that they’re gay (bc “in front of the stadium?!” was the reaction, when I told them “there was a cencored kiss here” (btw not everyone got it lolz) and then “did they just write the story with a girl, but then changed it by the end?”), but they said “no, just the overall feeling”.

And like everyone knows that YOI targeted audience is hetero girls. It wasn’t made for the sake of the LGBT community and none of the homophobic ppl will watch it either, no matter what some think. So for whom they did it the way they did it is very questionable tbh. They say it’s the LGBT representation in anime, and yes, good, great, always happy about, but isn’t it kinda funny that some of LGBT representatives don’t even feel like it apparently.

Now I’m just saying some, I’ve asked him to ask around out of curiousity, and it was only 11 gay guys in total, who watched it, including our company and his bf who was forced into it haha, but 11 is quite a lot, considering the fact that not even 1 liked it. But then somehow stuff like MDZS and even uncanonical mikayuu was highly appreciated and loved, bc it accidentally made a dent in some extra conservative parents and dull ppl.

It’s just much more interesting to hear what guys who are actually dating guys think about all those kind of animes and ships, than some girls here who yell at me stuff like “why are you supporting queerbating”. Btw I asked Alex if he’s offended by that, he said “no, but we for real think they’re doing it” lmao.

It is supposed to be funny. You didn’t get it wrong. But if you saw many ppl would aggressively disagree with you. I just thought that “analysis” was an “interpretive process that draws conclusions from a set of facts”, not “writing a fanfiction based on assumptions”, but then again to each their own. 

The problem is that I don’t even get what’s cute about it, it’s just absurd to me. Like it’s pulled out of an ass, for real. They’re not in the stage of a relationships, when I would find such thing romantic. And all the agressive denying of the fact that it was indeed wedding rings made this scene cringy, too. The whole thing is cringy to me idk. The “win the gold, only then we’ll get married”.... It all gave me a weird feeling. The opposite of “touching”.

So in conclusion, when you skip most of the important parts of the love story and jump into stuff just for the sake of it, then also make fun of it, it leaves a hella weird impression and aparently not just to me.

And once again trying to market some primitive story as an epic love story, just bc it’s gay is extremely weird to me. If you make 50 shades of grey gay, it’s not gonna suddenly become a pulitzer prize winning kind of book, it’ll stay the same dumb af story with dumb af characters, but gay.

So being happy about some representation (and btw they still managed to add stuff like “its not gay if you exchange rings with your hommies” here and there and make it “hahahaha joking”), I get it, but to say that this what all the gay ships should aim for, pls stop. We really don’t wanna. Sincerelly. 

We here stick to a motto “I can picture the kiss of the characters whose story is so amazing, that the kiss is the only thing missing, but if I basically have just a picture of two guys kissing, I won’t write a whole story myself.”

P.S. I will forever laugh now tho at the fact that calling your bf a “pig” and being an arogant asshole without any canonically established reasonings is a great relationships, but Adam with his past gets what he gets now for the “dog” comments even tho his bf enjoys it lmao like I did not remember this bits in YOI. I honestly thought it was like completely “unproblematic” one, but it’s like hilariously not. So what ppl are trying to even put out their as a “pinnacle of the lgbt representation” as you say, like there are for real older yaois that are much better than this.

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 2

September 9th, 2019

Aberdeen Bloom was late.  

“I’m late I’m late I’m late I’m late,” she got progressively louder as she tore through the condo like a tornado trying to get everything she needed for the day.  Mr. Shanahan’s driver, Lou, had already texted her and was already downstairs waiting as she rummaged through her things and stuffed them into her purse.  They were supposed to be leaving at 7am.  

“Do you want some breakfast?” Kasha called out from the kitchen.

“I’m late I’m late I’m late!” Aberdeen began screaming as she gathered the last of the files and handbooks Brendan had given her before slinging her purse over her shoulder.

“Some coffee?” Kasha called out again.

“I’m late!” Aberdeen bulldozed through the main living area, running to the door and slipping on her shoes so quickly they were barely even on her feet as she opened the door and ran out.  “I’m late I’m late I’m late!”

She ran through the hallway and frantically pushed the elevator button until the door opened, only to stuff herself into the already full cart (it was morning rush hour, after all) on its way down.  When she burst through the front doors of the building, she saw the town car waiting.  She opened the door and slipped into the backseat.

“Hello Miss Bloom,” Lou said from the driver’s seat, looking at her through the rear-view mirror.  “How are you this morning?”

“I’m good,” she said, very clearly out of breath.  She grabbed the seatbelt from behind her and snaked it across her body.  She felt the car start to move.  “I’m sorry I’m late.”

“You’re not late,” he shook his head.  “Sometimes I’d have to wait for Frances for fifteen minutes.  You – it’s only 6:58.  We’re early.”

She let out a breath as he turned the corner.  “Um, thanks,” she nodded her head, grabbing her bag and taking out the new iPad Pro that was set up last Wednesday.  It had Brendan’s calendar on it, and she swiped through some of the events of the day.  She would need to be prepped for when Brendan got into the car – and Lord knows where that was.  “So where are we picking up Mr. Shanahan?” she asked.

“Mr. Shanahan lives on the Kingsway in Etobicoke,” Lou informed her.  

Aberdeen laughed to herself.  Now she’d have to be back in Etobicoke every day.  She would be only several blocks away from her childhood home.  A completely different neighbourhood, but still close.  The audacity of the universe to do this to her.  Before Aberdeen could say anything about it, Lou pulled up to a curb and stopped the car.  “What’s going on?”

“You need to pick up Mr. Shanahan’s morning coffee.”

“Oh!  But what – what—” Aberdeen exclaimed.  Then she panicked.  Morning coffee?  What was his order?  He never told her!  He never mentioned picking up a morning coffee and now –

“Mr. Shanahan orders a venti, extra shot, extra hot cappuccino in the mornings,” Lou informed her politely.  

“Right!” she said as she opened the door and pushed herself out of the car.  The Starbucks was busy, of course.  She accidentally paid for the drink on her own debit card and the barista totally put her name on the drink instead of Brendan.  This was a disaster.  

But as she got back into the car, Lou greeted her with another friendly smile.  “The middle comes down,” he informed her, and she pulled it down for the cupholders.  “Miss Bloom, you have a lot of nervous energy,” he said as he drove away, heading west towards Etobicoke.  “You’ll be fine.  You need to let go of the nervous energy.  Mr. Shanahan will be able to sense it.”

Aberdeen laughed.  “I think that’s impossible.  It’s my first day on the job.  What happened to the last two personal assistants Frances tried to hire, anyway?” she asked.

“Argh,” he huffed, waving in disgust.  “They were bozos.  Very rude.  Only got into it for the title, then started to walk around the office like they owned the place.  Like they were the ones who were trading and drafting,” Lou explained.  “Idiots.”

Aberdeen couldn’t help but giggle.  “Well, I won’t be doing any of that,” Aberdeen quipped.  “I don’t even watch hockey.”

“If you ask me, I think it’s better that way,” Lou said.  “Brendan likes people with different interests, anyway.”

The rest of the car ride was fairly silent.  It took them about half an hour to get out to Etobicoke thanks to traffic, which meant they rolled into Mr. Shanahan’s driveway at around 7:45.  His house was beautiful – as every house on the Kingsway was – big and in the old Tudor style, landscaped beautifully and kept neat and clean.  People dreamed of living in these houses.  Sometimes, during high school, Aberdeen would go on a run here just so she had something nice to look at.  It wasn’t like she lived far – she grew up south of Bloor in an adjacent neighbourhood called Sunnylea.  It was much different than the Kingsway though – much more middle class.  She still loved it.  

Almost immediately, Mr. Shanahan came out through the front door.  He wore a perfectly tailored, expensive looking blue suit, with leather oxfords and a red tie.  For her part, Aberdeen tried to dress modestly – like cover up her tattoos, however small and unassuming they were – while still maintaining a sense of fashion and style like she always did.  Lou exited the car to greet him, with Brendan greeting him happily, and Lou opened the door for him.  He slipped in beside Aberdeen.  “Good morning, Aberdeen.”

“Good morning Mr. Shanahan.”

“Brendan,” he corrected her.  She was uncomfortable with that.  He was a man in a very high position of power – she couldn’t just call him Brendan like he was her buddy.  “What’s my day consist of?” he asked.

She pulled up the iPad Pro.  “It’s pretty easy today, Mr. Shanahan.  You only have a meeting with the hockey operations department at 11am – no scheduled end time – and a quick half an hour meeting with a woman by the name of…Hayley Wick-in-heeser at 3pm.”

Brendan glanced at her through his glasses.  Did she say something wrong?  “Great.  Fantastic.  Thank you.”  He grabbed at his coffee in between them, took out the coffee stopper, and sipped.  “Who told you my coffee order?” he asked.

She looked at him like he just asked her to reveal her deepest, darkest secret.  He wasn’t smiling.  He wasn’t frowning.  He wasn’t doing anything.  Just giving her a blank stare.  She gulped and held her breath.  “Lou,” she answered meekly.

Mr. Shanahan let out a slight chuckle.  “Thanks Lou,” he said louder.  Lou waved.

Aberdeen kept holding her breath.  

***

Once back at 50 Bay Street, Mr. Shanahan took Aberdeen on a lightning fast meet-and-greet tour of the offices.  She met an array of people she had a hard time remembering the names of.  There was Arvind and Joe and Cressida, Rosie and Daniel and Parminder, Henry and Rita and Stefano, Brendan (another Brendan) and Michael and Tony.  There were so many people Aberdeen couldn’t remember them all, couldn’t remember their departments, and couldn’t remember their titles.  But she nodded along nicely, and shook all their hands, and listened as Mr. Shanahan introduced her as “my new personal assistant” and spoke with some of them longer than others.  

Eventually, they made their way to some of the more important departments – hockey operations, who he’d be having a meeting with as part of management, and media relations.  There were a few specific people that stuck out to her, mostly because she could tell Mr. Shanahan wanted to make sure she knew who they were.  

“Leanne Hederson is the manager of hockey operations.  You’re going to be seeing a lot of her,” he said, introducing them.  She had a firm handshake and wore a powersuit and Aberdeen loved her already.  “This is Steve Walker, director of team security,” he continued as Aberdeen shook the hand of the man.  “And this is—”

“New girl on the job?” a loud, booming voice asked from behind them.  Everybody turned around.  Aberdeen saw a man walk in – tall, conventionally attractive, with a Maple Leafs pin on his lapel – and smile at everybody in the room.  “What department?  Media?  Medical?”

Aberdeen looked over at Mr. Shanahan quickly.  He didn’t look too pleased at the interruption but he digressed.  “This is Ethan Baker – he works in tech and video playback,” he said curtly.  “Mr. Baker, this is my new personal assistant, Miss Aberdeen Bloom.”

“Nice to meet you, Abbie,” he shook her hand, sending her a beaming smile.

Her blood curdled at that name.  Absolutely nobody called her that – not even her family.  It wasn’t even her nickname.  “It’s Aberdeen.”

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“My name is Aberdeen, not Abbie.  Aberdeen,” she said.  She didn’t even care that she was asserting herself in such a way in front of everyone on her first day of work.  She didn’t want ‘Abbie’ to become a thing, so she was going to nip it now.  She knew she had a weird name but a nickname was ridiculous.  She was a grown woman.  People could say her name.  

Ethan chuckled awkwardly, and Mr. Shanahan had apparently had enough.  “We’ll see all you folks later,” he said, guiding Aberdeen out of the room.  

They walked through the offices and back towards their area, where Aberdeen saw her desk clean and cleared from all of Frances’s things.  She went to sit down and took out the iPad Pro.  “Alright,” Mr. Shanahan began, and she knew he was going to go into a long shpeal about what her job was going to entail.  “First of all, you answer the phone.  The phone must be answered every single time.  I hate when it goes to voicemail.  Plus hockey is very fast-paced.  If we miss a phone call, we may miss out on trade opportunities and other important hockey operations business.”

“Yes sir…but what happens if we’re not at our desks.  What happens if we’re in the arena or—”

“In that case the phone will be programmed to call you on your cell phone,” he said quickly.  “You’ll give us your phone number and we’ll program it in.  Every single time, Aberdeen,” he stressed.

“Yes sir.”

“You run errands as assigned.  You handle my schedule as assigned and remind me of my appointments both personal and professional, meetings, and important phone calls.  During game days, you’re here at the arena until the game is over, both teams have left, and I deem it fine for you to leave.  You will, of course, travel with the team when I travel with the team, within Canada and to the States.  You will show up to all practices, all team events including galas and fundraisers, and all other MLSE events not associated with the Toronto Maple Leafs if I am invited to them.”

“Yes sir.”

“Now, today isn’t a busy day even though the team is in for a skate because I only have two meetings.  But there will be days where you’ll be running around here like a chicken with its head cut off,” he explained.  “Especially at the start of the season in a few weeks, and most especially at the trade deadline in February.  But until then…well, enjoy the calmness.”

“Yes sir.”

“Have you been reading the employee handbook I sent to you?” he asked, walking into his office quickly.  

“Yes sir.”

“Any questions?”

“No sir.”

“Great.  Then you can start familiarizing yourself with this,” he said as he plopped a giant binder on her desk.  It was full of protective sleeves and filled to the brim.  Aberdeen gulped.  “This is somewhat of a directory of every Toronto Maple Leafs personnel you should familiarize yourself with, as they will be your colleagues,” he opened the binder for her.  He was the first one.  “Study this.  They’re your colleagues.  Important colleagues.”

“Yes sir.”

“And you can take this home tonight, but it comes right back tomorrow.”

“Yes sir.”

“I’ll call you if I need you,” he said, returning back into his office, leaving her with the giant binder.  She looked down at it and gulped.  She wanted to go back and hug every one of her high school teachers who remembered her name after having over 90 students a semester.  She didn’t know how any of them did it.  “Oh, and Aberdeen?” Mr. Shanahan popped his head back out, startling her a bit.

“Yes sir?”

“It’s Brendan,” he smiled before disappearing into his office again.

‘No chance’ Aberdeen thought.

***

Aberdeen couldn’t believe how many handbooks there were to read.  She understood why she had to read them, but God it was tedious.  She felt what she really needed was for Mr. Shanahan to slip her “How to Play Hockey for Kids” or something – she figured she may as well start to learn about the sport she was going to be surrounded by.  Her first email was Brendan emailing her the 2019-2020 season schedule, and asking her to record every game in both his and her calendar.  

After she finished that, she went back briefly to the MLSE Employee Handbook, the book that outlined the rules that employees had to abide by.  She had laughed at some of the more ridiculous ones.  Of course, there were the regular ones any company would have – employees couldn’t be under the influence on the job, employees couldn’t engage in criminal behaviour – but three stuck out to her most.  

The first to make her giggle was number 18:

NO EMPLOYEE OF MLSE SHALL USE ANY COMPANY CREDIT CARD OR LINE OF CREDIT FOR PERSONAL PURCHASES UNLESS OTHERWISE SPECIFIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO STARBUCKS COFFEE, LUNCHES, DINNERS, ALCOHOL PURCHASES, ETC.

The second to make her giggle was number 27:

NO EMPLOYEE OF MLSE SHALL GIVE, REVEAL, OR PUBLISH THE PERSONAL PHONE NUMBERS OF ANY MEMBER OF THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS, PRESIDENT, CHAIRMAN, ETC., TO ANY OUTSIDE PARTY.

And, of course, the best one, number 32:

NO EMPLOYEE OF MLSE SHALL PURSUE OR ENTER INTO A ROMANTIC OR PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY MEMBER OF THE COMPANY’S PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAMS, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS, THE TORONTO RAPTORS, THE TORONTO F.C., THE TORONTO ARGONAUTS, THE TORONTO MARLIES, THE RAPTORS 905, OR TORONTO F.C. II.

She wondered what happened to whatever poor schmuck to get that made into a rule and published in the employee handbook.  

“Aberdeen,” Mr. Shanahan’s voice interrupted her thoughts.  She looked up to see his head popped out from the doorway.  “I need you to go pick up coffee for the meeting at 10am.  Now write this down,” he said.  She grabbed a stickie note and a pen as quickly as she could.  “One no foam skim latte with an extra shot, and three drip coffees with room for milk, searing hot.  And I mean searing.  Get them here as soon as possible.”

“Yes sir,” she said, ripping the stickie note off the pad and jumping up from her seat, almost forgetting her purse.

“Yes Brendan,” he called out after her, chuckling to himself.  

As she made her way through the hallways, a tall figure appeared at the end, where the staircase was.  She recognized it as Ethan, the man who had called her ‘Abbie’ just hours earlier.  “Hey Girl Friday,” he greeted her, his voice sounding much sleazier now that he wasn’t in the company of colleagues.  “You doing a coffee run?”

“Yes.”

“Good.  We need two americanos with room for milk, one grande skinny vanilla bean latte, and one venti extra shot extra hot caramel macchiato with coconut milk.”

“W—What?” she asked.

“Write it down!” his tone was a bit harsh, but she did as she was told.  “Brendan’s assistant runs coffee for us all the time.  Do you need me to repeat it?”

“No,” she said, somewhat glaring at him.  She knew the role of personal assistants – she wasn’t an idiot.  “Anything else?”

“A blueberry scone,” he said as he disappeared into his office again, wiggling his eyebrows at her before shutting the door.  She shuddered.  

The Starbucks down near the foot of the building apparently liked to take it’s sweet-ass time.  She was in a rush because she knew the meeting started at 10, and they would have probably liked to have walked in to Mr. Shanahan’s office seeing their coffees, but that wasn’t going to be the case.  The baristas didn’t finish making them until 10:10, and then she had the conundrum of how she was going to transport eight coffees and a scone without everything spilling everywhere.  She wasn’t a clown despite how much this felt like a circus, so she couldn’t juggle them in her arms.  Eventually, one of the cashiers found cardboard cup carriers, so they hung all the cups from those and she was on her way, rushing through the building and back up to the floor.  

The second she got off the elevator, Ethan was there waiting.  “What took you so long?” he demanded as he finished typing something into his phone.

“Here,” she practically flung the coffees at him for him to carry.

“No no, you need to deliver them to the guys in the office,” he didn’t even reach out for them.  “Come on, this way,” he said, having the audacity to snap his fingers for her to follow him like she was a dog.

What the fuck had she gotten herself into here?

After she delivered the coffees, she made a beeline towards Mr. Shanahan’s office.  “Is there some reason the coffees aren’t here?  Has she died or something?” she saw him pop his head out of the room.  He was asking no-one in particular, of course, since she was the only one who was supposed to be there.  But then he heard her footsteps, and her saw her rushing down the hall, and he stepped out of his office, closing the door behind him.  “Aberdeen, where have you been?”

“I – Ethan – I had to get coffee for Ethan and his department—”

“What?” Brendan asked.  “Ethan who?  Please don’t tell me Ethan Baker.”

“Y—Yes—”

“Aberdeen, why would you go and get coffee for tech and video?”

She felt stupid.  She knew she fucked up, and she didn’t want to have to explain it to him in excruciating detail, although that’s perhaps what Mr. Shanahan wanted.  “He – he saw me in the hallway and told me your assistant gets coffees for them all the time—”

“Listen to me Aberdeen,” he said, his tone serious and his voice curt.  His voice was in one of those harsh whispers that could tear apart your soul.  “Your title at Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment reads executive assistant to the president.  I am the president of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey club, not Ethan Baker.  You run errands for me, you get my coffee, and you do as I say, not as anybody else in this entire hockey club says, the least of which Ethan Baker.  Do I make myself clear?” he asked.

She could feel tears welling in her eyes.  “Yes sir.”

“Good.  Now give me the coffee and man the desk.  You can take your lunch hour at noon.”

She handed the coffee over to him and he walked back into his office.  A small applause erupted at the arrival of the coffee.  Mr. Shanahan closed the door behind him.  

She felt like she was going to be sick.  

***

After finished inputting the game schedule into the calendar and taking a few messages from phone calls (one rudely hung up on her when she asked how to spell Bergevin), Aberdeen saw it was noon and took out her lunch.  She left her desk to go warm it up in the staff kitchen, but…couldn’t exactly remember where it was.  She panicked.  She slipped into the door where she thought she remembered it was, based on what Brendan had pointed out very quickly earlier in the day.  

When she walked through the door, letting it close behind her, she was not greeted with a kitchen.  She was not greeted with a staff room.  She was not even greeted with an office.  Instead, she was greeted with a room completely full of men who were shirtless and in either tight workout gear or tight underwear.  

Bulges out.

Thighs out.  

Eyes on her.

“Oh sweet baby Jesus,” she gasped, her eyes going wide before turning around violently and slamming her entire body into the door because she forgot to turn the knob.  She did it again before her brain registered ‘TURN THE FUCKING KNOB!!!’ and when she did, she slipped out quickly.

The first thing she saw were the words “STAFF KITCHEN” written on a door across from her.

She should quit now.  She should really just quit now and go live in a hole forever.  

She escaped into the staff kitchen, popping her Tupperware into the microwave and setting the time for three minutes.  Half way through, the door opened again, and a middle-aged man with a Maple Leafs t-shirt and shorts on walked in.

“Hello,” he greeted her politely.  When he got a look at who she was, he smiled.  “Hey, don’t feel bad.  Happened to me the first day too.  Luckily that was where I had to go, though.”  She smiled politely at the man.  Obviously he’d seen her be a complete idiot.  “I’m Jason Spezza.  It’s nice to meet you,” he extended his hand.

Jason Spezza.  Jason Spezza.  Where had she heard that name before?  Then it hit her – in the employee directory.  Jason Spezza was one of the Maple Leafs.  She had just walked into the Toronto Maple Leafs semi-nude.  She felt like barfing.  “Nice to meet you,” she said meekly, shaking his hand.  “I’m Aberdeen Bloom.”

“First day on the job, Aberdeen?” he asked.  She nodded her head.  “What’s your position?”

“Um, I’m Mr. Shanahan’s new executive assistant,” she said.  She didn’t even know if she was allowed to talk to him.  All the rules from the MLSE Employee Handbook were running through her mind.  Would she get fired for this?  He started it.

“Ah!  Cool!” he smiled.  The microwave began to beep, signalling it was done.  “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of you then.”

“I guess so,” she mumbled, opening the door to the microwave and grabbing her Tupperware.  “Have a good day.”

She rushed back to her desk, wanting nothing more than to just crawl into a hole and die.

***

When Brendan was finished with his meeting, he called Aberdeen into his office.  She’d finished lunch by then, and was patiently waiting for the phone to ring.  He was still sitting at his desk as she walked in.

“Any phone calls?” he asked.  

“One from Tampa Bay, but they said it wasn’t urgent,” she informed him.  “And one calling on behalf of a Mr. Bergevin.  I think they said they were from Montreal.”

She could see a small smile appear on his face.  Maybe he was in a better mood now after his meeting.  “Thank you, Aberdeen.  Anything else?”

Yeah, I totally walked into your hockey team half naked.  “May I ask you a question, sir?” she asked.

“Of course.”

“Am I allowed to like…talk to the Maple Leafs?”

Brendan removed his glasses.  “What do you mean?  Talk?”

“Um, well, I know you said – and in the handbook – I was in the kitchen during lunch and Jason Spezza came in and struck up a conversation with me and—”

“Aberdeen,” Brendan interrupted her with a slight chuckle.  “Aberdeen…you can talk to the players.  I expect you to talk with them and to talk with any other employees of MLSE – Maple Leafs, Raptors, whatever.”

“Oh.  Okay.  Because he was very friendly and I didn’t want to be rude and—”

“It’s okay to be cordial and be friends in a professional setting.  You’re going to be around them constantly and be travelling with them almost as much.  You’ll be in the private jet with them and attending events big and small.  It’s going to be natural to become friends.  The problem is if anything goes further than talking.  Romantic relationships, friends with benefits, hooking up as the kids are saying these days—”

“I would never,” she interrupted him.  “I would never, Mr. Shanahan.”

“I know you wouldn’t.  Don’t worry,” he said, putting his glasses back on.  “And stop calling me Mr. Shanahan.  I told you that you can call me Brendan.”

Aberdeen was still uncomfortable with the notion.  “I don’t think you understand.  My parents are immigrants.  If they found out I didn’t call someone sir or ma’am or mister or misses they’d guillotine me.”

Brendan looked at her, a smirk on his face.  “You’ll get used to it, Miss Bloom.  Now come with me.  You’re going to meet the only other man you can take orders from.”  

His name was Kyle Dubas.  He was the young general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs – the other man most responsible for the day-to-day operations of the Toronto Maple Leafs.  The “only other man you can take orders from” turned out to be a joke, because Kyle had his own executive assistant – Peter, much much nicer than Ethan – who was responsible for that.  Kyle was incredibly nice and welcoming, and Aberdeen had to admit it put her at ease.  Even Peter made her feel welcome.  

When she and Brendan got into the elevator after leaving, there was already a man inside.  “Ah, Mr. Tanenbaum,” Brendan greeted him warmly.  Aberdeen smiled politely, but internally she was freaking out.  She’d seen Mr. Tanenbaum on TV lift the Larry O’Brien Trophy after the Raptors won the NBA title.  Now she was stuck in an elevator with him.  What was her life?

“Brendan,” Mr. Tanenbaum nodded courteously.  “How’s the preparation for the season going?”

“Great,” Brendan said.  “I must say, our most organized ever.”

“Great.  I hear we’re close to signing Mitch.  It should happen any day now.”  Brendan nodded his head silently.  “What’s that costing me?”

“Ten-point-eight million, on average,” Brendan revealed.  Aberdeen’s eyes bulged out of her head.

“Must be a great winger,” Mr. Tanenbaum commented, causing both men to laugh.  He then focused his attention on Aberdeen.  “Larry Tanenbaum,” he extended his hand across Brendan for her to shake.

“Oh, I’m sorry.  This is Aberdeen Bloom, my new executive assistant,” Brendan introduced them quickly as the elevator pinged and the doors opened.  

“Congratulations young lady.  A million people would kill for that job,” he pointed at her as he left.  

Brendan looked at her.  “That’s Larry Tanenbaum, chairman of MLSE.”

“I know who he is,” she said.  Brendan looked shocked.  “I mean, I watched him lift the Larry O’Brien in June.”

Brendan smiled – a real, genuine smile at something she’d said.  “So you watch some sports.”

***

“We can be done for the day, Aberdeen,” Brendan announced once his meeting with Hayley Wickenheiser was over.  It was only 4pm, and she had expected to be at the office until later, so she was pleasantly surprised.  “You’re free to go.  Do you need Lou to give you a ride home?”

“Oh gosh no.  I live within walking distance from here.  I wouldn’t make him do that,” she said as she gathered her things into her purse.  

“Maybe if it was raining,” Brendan smiled, almost to himself.  Aberdeen decided not to respond.  “Come on, I’ll see you out.  How was your first day?”

I got yelled at, I went to fetch coffee, and I walked in on the hockey team half naked.  “Great,” she responded.  “Thank you for your patience with me.  I know I’m still learning but I promise I—”

“Don’t worry about it, Aberdeen,” he said as they walked towards the elevator.  “It is very much a learn as you go environment.  Especially for someone like you.”

As they stepped into the elevator together, a voice from the end of the hall screamed to hold the door.  Brendan stuck his arm out until the person appeared in an impeccably well-tailored suit, slipping by his arm into the elevator.  “Hey hey, William!”

“Hey Brendan!” William responded.

Aberdeen looked up.  As she did, she looked into a familiar pair of piercing blue eyes.  She saw a familiar head of blonde hair.  Familiar lips that kissed hers and all the way down her body, making her feel some of the greatest pleasure she’d ever felt in her short life.  

Will.  It was fucking Will.

“Aberdeen, let me introduce you to William Nylander, one of our star forwards,” Brendan said, introducing them with a giant smile on his face.  “William, this is my new executive assistant, Miss Aberdeen Bloom.”

She was going to faint.  She was actually going to faint.

“Nice to meet you,” Will said as he shook her hand.

“Likewise,” she squeaked out.  She was absolutely fucking mortified.  

“You’ll be seeing a lot of William in the future, Aberdeen, as one of our star players,” Brendan kept talking, but she could barely register his words.  Will was still looking directly at her, directly into her soul, and she felt ready to faint.  “He’s going to have a great season, this year.  We’re all looking forward to it.”

She had hooked up with a Toronto Maple Leaf.  Oh my fucking God, she had hooked up with a Toronto Maple Leaf.  And now they worked at the same company.  For the same team.  Under the same roof.  They’d be flying together.  Travelling together.  Attending charity and gala events together.  The words from the MLSE Employee Handbook flashed in her mind.  No employee of MLSE shall pursue or enter into a romantic physical relationship with any member of the company’s professional sports teams, including but not limited to: the Toronto Maple Leafs…

“I look forward to working with you,” Will said, his eyes flashing as he continued to look at her, a smile playing on his face.  

She gulped.  She’d slept with a Toronto Maple Leaf and she had to keep it a secret.  Nobody could find out that they hooked up.

Absolutely nobody.

[allie1804-fan]

Kerensa Part 2

This is a continuation of Kerensa Part 1 which you can find here

Kerensa (Part 1)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13

Kerensa (Part 2)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Adjusting

The GP took Kerry’s details and suggested, given her age and history, that she use her private medicine to see a pregnancy specialist to get an early scan and review her care.

A week later, Kerry found herself sitting in the waiting room at St Mary’s Hospital Paddington. The consultant was a lady in her early 60s who asked her history and took all the details of the 2 miscarriages. Then she asked Kerry to pop up on the bed ready for a scan. She eased her jeans and knickers down and the consultant smeared on the cold jelly and started to move the wand over her belly. Kerry held her breath looking at the screen, remembering the times when nothing could be seen or a still image of a dead embryo was there.

After a few moments, the consultant announced

“There you are, little tyke hiding.”

Tears fell then as Kerry looked at the tiny kidney bean shape on the screen flickering away.

The consultant squeezed her hand, understanding the emotion of the moment.

Measurements were taken and they aligned with a pregnancy of 8 weeks. She could also see the signs of a condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome which does come with a slightly elevated risk of miscarriage, possibly explaining the first 2 lost pregnancies years ago as well as the struggle previously to get pregnant and the occasionally irregular periods. Kerry’s biggest fear was that it would happen again. The consultant’s main advice was folic acid and rest but based on how anxious Kerry was, she also suggested that she didn’t fly back to LA until she’d reached 12 weeks. This wasn’t due to any real risk but having experience of many pregnant women with fertility and or loss issues, she knew that they could blame themselves for a loss based on the tiniest thing that probably had nothing to do with it, but they would beat themselves up all the same.

“So go somewhere you feel calm - you said you’re a writer didn’t you?So I guess you can do that anywhere” Kerry nodded thinking of her argument with Keanu.

“and we’ll book you in for another scan at 12 weeks and after that, you can head back to LA and your partner”

A few days later, Kerry was on the train headed for Penzance. She’d had a few quick phone calls with Keanu since being back in UK – she was relieved that he hadn’t been able to video call as the only time that worked was when he was heading out to set at 7am their time as he wasn’t getting back til 10 at night when she would be asleep again, so quick phone calls were the easiest thing along with the odd text when he was waiting around on set. He had another couple of weeks on location which took them, unbeknown to him, to her 11th week. She said she’d try to schedule her return to coincide with his, counting on saying later that she couldn’t get a flight with the dog travel in time to get around why she wasn’t going to make it.

The consultant was right that being somewhere where she felt calm would help and Kerry settled back to her old Sennen routine of walks on the beach and writing. The sickness was pretty bad during weeks 9 and 10 but was settling as she headed into week 11. She even found herself hopeful enough to work out the due date of December 1st though she didn’t dare write it down anywhere!

The shoot was over and Keanu was due home, but she hadn’t spoken to him in a few days since the end of the shoot was frantic, followed by a wrap party and then he had to travel home. When he finally called, from LA this time rather than Florida, he was disappointed that she hadn’t made it back. Kerry finessed her excuse about the flight saying she’d been about to book the one to be there by now but Scout had got an abscess on her paw and she wanted to be sure he was fully recovered before booking the flight. He accepted this and offered to get his PA on the case to help secure something as soon as she was confident that Scout was OK. When he did call his PA though, he had a different idea. He hoped Kerry would like it. She hadn’t been very chatty on their call and he worried that absence hadn’t made the heart grow fonder or that she’d realised she preferred life in Sennen alone to life in LA with him.

Truth be told, she was still concerned about their relationship, could they make it work with their work commitments? Had it been a flash in the pan, a whirlwind romance and not true love? But she missed him so much and she could see the care in his eyes when they spoke – her worries based on Autumn’s comments had eased and she planned to make arrangements to fly back to LA as soon she’d had the 12-week scan.

3 days later, Kerry took Scout for her usual late morning walk and tired them both out with the fresh air and exercise. After a quick sandwich, she lay down on the sofa for a nap and Scout curled up in his basket.

Keanu’s car pulled up at the house in Sennen at 2pm. He thanked the driver, hauled his bag from the car boot and made his way to the kitchen door. It was a warm day and he found it open. He called out but nobody answered so he dropped his bag and went in search of Kerry. He found her still sleeping on the sofa, a snuggle blanket draped over her and her hair held back in a loose ponytail. Scout was still sleeping, fortunately, so there was no excited barking to disturb Kerry’s sleep. She looked different to him somehow but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He thought it was probably just being out in the sea air more that had given her cheeks a soft glow.

He decided to leave her sleeping and make himself a coffee so he crept back to the kitchen. The sounds of him finding a cup and filling the kettle floated through to the living room and Scout stirred making a quiet bark as he trotted through.

“Hello boy, it’s just me” Keanu cooed in a low voice giving him a rub on the head. He went to the fridge to fetch the milk and stopped in his tracks.

That’s how Kerry found him as she stumbled through sleepily wondering what the noise was.

@fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @omg-imagine @keanureevesisbae @penwieldingdreamer @paperplanesandwallflowers @witty-wallflower @karlee1225 @bitchyslut99 @toomanystoriessolittletime @ladyreapermc @kissmyromanticquote @tacticalchics @utterlynuts @kylosbitch @thebigbubowski @thelightnessofthebeing @gatsbynouvel @keanuficfiles @fanficsrusz @jardaniswife @cheezbort @mazzylana97 @maggiemoo1892 @girlfriday007 @siriussnape07 @yomnaislame @soarocks @fadingkideclipseempath @franny-banks-world @keanulowe @babylovejongin @lucky134ever @jasmindaughteroftheworld @tomorrowsanotherday @fokinqueen @littlefreya @leftyreea @wheretheriversrunintothesea @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @fickenstein @popacherryvisitalibrary @aah8903 @thethirstyarchive @cynic-spirit @australianpsychos @meetmeinthematinee

[copperbadge]

Taking this photo is the last thing I remember doing on January 5th, around 7:30pm. [Description: A picture of Polk on the Most Coveted Blanket, with one leg stretched out in front of her.]

Wanna hear about my concussion? Have a peep under the cut!

The morning of Monday, January 6th, I didn’t feel well when I woke up; when I actually got out of bed I realized I was dizzy, nauseated, and in pain, and my glasses weren’t on the bedside table where I always put them. When I looked in the mirror I had a black eye and cuts on the left side of my head, and I realized I didn’t remember how I’d gotten them, or when I’d put on my pyjamas and gone to bed the night before. I found my glasses on the living room floor next to the cat toy bin. 

One of the only good decisions I made the entire week was to get dressed and go to the walk-in clinic across the street and get seen for a neurological exam. 

One trip to the ER and several scans later, we determined that I had a concussion but wasn’t going to die from it. I had a lot of time to sit and stare at the walls while I was waiting for doctors to come and look at me, and out of sheer boredom I actually managed to reconstruct the rest of my previous night. Check this shit out, from my FitBit monitor: 

[Description: a line chart with a squiggly up-and-down line that peaks occasionally above 90 but mostly falls well below it.]

That’s a chart of my pulse over the course of the 5th of January. See where it says “fat burn”? My doctors and I are pretty sure that spike in my pulse is an adrenaline rush where I tripped and fell in my living room and bashed my head on something. Possibly the floor, more likely the ottoman of the chair where I found my glasses the following morning. FitBit’s timestamping is a little iffy but it was around 8:20pm when that spike hit. (I had thought it was 8 and I’ve told several people it was 8 but my notes from that day and the FitBit both say 8:20.)

And then I got up and went to bed where I fell asleep around 8:45, at least according to the FitBit: 

[Description: a FitBit sleep chart, showing sleep from 8:47pm to 3:27am, with various periods of deep, light, and REM sleep, and faint moments of wakefulness.]

Waking up at 3:30am is actually not unusual for me; in this case I eventually went back to sleep but FitBit recorded that as a second sleep event for about an hour, from roughly 6-7am. 

Here’s a fun fact: I know I sent this email to my boss and colleagues on January 6th, and for all of January 6th I clearly remembered sending this email, because I talked about it on the 6th. I remember talking about sending it. 

But I don’t remember sending it. 

[Description: an email sent at 7:07am on January 6th, which reads “Hi team, I’m not feeling well and I’m going to take a sick day- with any luck I should be back in tomorrow. Thanks for understanding! S.”]

A lot of my friends and family are significantly more freaked out by all this than I am, and honestly that may very well be the concussion too; there’s no emotional depth to the way I think about missing an entire evening of my life and having a fairly severe injury as a result. That part strikes me, and I know this is inappropriate, as mostly funny. It’s probably a coping mechanism, but might legitimately be a crossed wire somewhere in my already poorly-wired brain. 

I have a lot of feelings about the concussion’s impact, mostly frustration that I’m recovering slowly and sadness that I had to basically write off my entire January -- I couldn’t go on a trip I’d planned, and while I got to travel this past week, I’ve basically spent the rest of the month going between work and home without too many side trips elsewhere, even locally, like out to dinner after work or to the Target near work in the morning to get a snack. 

At this point it’s been weeks and I’m improving, but I still struggle with what I call the three Ds: Decision making, Depth perception, and Dialogue. I’m not crossing the street anywhere but a crosswalk and any time except when the light is green, because I’m afraid of making a poor judgement call and crossing too close to oncoming traffic. I’m mostly steady on my feet at this point, but for days I couldn’t navigate stairs easily, and steps-down and curbs still fuck me up; I’m only this week getting back up to the speed at which I normally walk when I’m going somewhere. 

And when I write I’m fine, but when I’m speaking I often grope for words, particularly proper names for things, and have to describe them through their association with other things. It’s gotten better, but I still sometimes occasionally have to go four or five steps away from something to get back to it.  

This is a literal example of something I said recently: 

“Who is the actor, he was on Doctor Who? After the bald one. That actor, only in the movie...I mean, it wasn’t a movie, it was a long movie...a series. That actor, in the series, where the guy who wrote Sandman co-wrote the book? The character he played.” 

Things I could not reference by name:

David Tennant or Chris Eccleston

The Ninth and Tenth Doctors by number

Good Omens

Terry Pratchett or Neil Gaiman

The character Crowley, which is what I was actually trying to reference

But I could get to a reference that would lead to David Tennant, and one that would lead to Neil Gaiman, and together those could get me to Good Omens if someone else filled in a few blanks. Why is Sandman, a comic series I haven’t read in ten years, still in my head, when Good Omens, a book I love and read semi-yearly and just watched the miniseries of, isn’t? Who fucking knows. 

At one point I also called a hammer and nails, “The thing you hit wall fasteners with.” It’s like playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon only with every proper noun. 

It is getting better, but I think the point of this post (other than sharing a funny picture of my cat) is that I just simply cannot recommend getting a concussion, especially at the age of forty. It’s no good, zero stars, would not concuss again. 

But if you do wake up with no memory of the previous night and head wounds, and you wonder if you should go to the doctor: YES. YOU SHOULD GO TO THE DOCTOR. 

PUT ON SOME SOCKS AND GO TO THE DOCTOR. 

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 32

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i tried to find a good gif for this of him right before a show and i couldnt. i know some exist but its almost 7am and im tired lol so yea.

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! :i love the requests you guys send me theyre amazing! thank you! 💖

Chapter 32 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

March 10,2018

I kept playing with my fingers and glancing at the door as I waited for Dylan to arrive. My foot started shaking under the table and I kept checking my phone to see if Niall had sent me a message or anything. I knew he was busy and I wasn't expecting him to call but I knew it would be awkward if he did while I was with Dylan. It was the very first time we were seeing each other since I broke up with him in Italy and I still felt like crap for the way I had treated him. I knew I was the bad guy in the story and I didn't even want to pretend otherwise. I took the blame, literally all of it, but I couldn't pretend I regretted it. It was better to stop things then, than to keep this game going on. I wouldn't have been able to resist Niall anyway and the whole cheating thing was not for me. It only made me feel like shit.

The door tinged and my head moved up so quickly I could have snapped my neck. He was there and I held my breath but when his eyes met mine, the smile he sent me made something stir in my stomach. Did I really break up with this guy?

I got up and he walked closer. I felt his hand on my upper arm as he kissed my cheeks before we both sat down, facing each other. He called the waitress and asked for water and a meal while I took my glass of wine and brought it to my lips. I needed it to survive this conversation because I felt like it was about to get heavy. I didn't know how he felt or what he thought, and somehow, I was scared. I didn't want him to hate me and at the same time, I couldn't blame him if he did.

We hadn't talked at all and he hadn't said anything mean about me, at least nothing I had heard about, but it wasn't really surprising. It was not his type to shittalk other people. It was also not his type to share his personal life or anything. I frowned, realizing he had quite a few things in common with Niall and that, perhaps, I had a type.

"How are you?" he asked in a soft tone, leaning his forearms on the table and crossing his fingers together.

I sent him a small smile and titled my head. "I'm... i'm okay, and you?"

"Oh, I'm good."

I nodded and started nibbling on my bottom lip from stress. He noticed and I saw the left corner of his lips raise up slightly as his lips twisted into a small smile.

"No need to be nervous, you know." he explained. "It's me. Just me. You've seen me naked before, and you've seen me with food on my face. Pretty sure you also heard me when I went to the bathroom. You're safe."

I laughed and shook my head, pressing my lips together. He was always so funny and I just nodded. I had no idea why, but I suddenly felt like everything would be alright. I knew Dylan, and i knew the kind of man he was, and I trusted him.

"Thanks, I just didn't want things to be awkward between us. We didn't really talk since that day in Italy and I was not sure... how you felt, and what you thought." I tilted my head, staring in his eyes, and I smiled at the incredible shade of brown they were. It made me think of how blue Niall's eyes were and how much I missed them. "We're filming together today and.. I don't know, is there any way we can make this less awkward or.. more comfortable?"

His smile turned into a sad one and he nodded slowly. "That's why you wanted to meet." he pointed out, as if he was realizing something that he didn't enjoy. He sighed and rubbed on of his eyes before slipping his hand in his hair and leaning against the chair. "We're both professionals, I mean, I was not going to start any trouble, Liv. I love working on this tv show. That's why I messaged you the first time."

I chuckled and raised my eyebrows, using a teasing tone. "Oh? I thought that was because you saw me act and thought you just had to meet me!" I joked with a small chuckle.

He shook his head slightly and looked away before sighing again.

"The truth is yea, I did message you at first because you caught my eyes. I mean, it's something that emanated from you in all those videos. Through the camera you were just.. I can't explain. I don't know many people who can just send that kind of vibe through a camera, but you did." he admitted, making me frown slightly. That was something he had never told me before and I was in shock. "The show was interesting, of course, but you were the reason why I messaged you. I wanted to act with you. But I watched that tv show because it was good."

My lips curled and then parted slightly. "You... you thought I was a good actress?" I asked, not expecting that and making him chuckle.

"You think it's surprising?"

"Well, yea." I shrugged, looking down at my hands. "I've never really done anything, i'm just a boring french girl who didn't learn acting in school or anything. I didn't think anyone would actually try to act with me, at least not someone like you."

"Someone like me?" he asked with a smirk. "What kind of person am I, exactly?"

"Fishing for compliments?" I asked with a small laugh.

"Or just curious, you know me."

I tilted my head but sent him a fond smile before licking my lips and clearing my throat. We got our meals just as I was about to answer and finally, I asked for an other glass of wine, taking a mental note to stop after that or I'd have a hard time to film my scenes.

"I mean, you can't deny that you're popular. And yea, you're pretty hot, but people actually like you for your talent. Your good look is just a bonus. You can't blame a nobody like me for being starstruck."

"Oh so you were starstruck when we met?" he asked with a chuckle.

"From the day I got your tweet, until that time we sang together after an 18 hours of filming." I admitted. "I was starstruck the whole time."

"That's the first night we had sex." he pointed out, making my smile grow as I nodded.

"It was."

"So you were not starstruck when you saw me naked? I'm offended."

This time, i let out a louder laugh, letting my head fall slightly on my shoulders before looking back in his eyes. I felt reassured that we would just get along, even if we weren't dating anymore, and I wouldn't let anyone else make things awkward between us.

"The truth?" I asked, raising my eyes as his eyes moved from his plate to my face. "I wouldn't say starstruck but... impressed, yea."

"I know right? That's what all the girls say." he joked, making me laugh and shake my head before rolling my eyes.

"I saw a few rumors about you and Jody." I pointed out. "I know you're not with her but, are you seeing anyone?"

It took him a while to answer and he finally pushed his plate away and grabbed his glass, taking a long sip of water before shaking his head a bit. He was avoiding my eyes but I knew him well enough to guess he was probably trying to formulate an answer correctly in his head before letting it out. He was a funny and sensitive guy, and he had tact, which I greatly appreciated.

"I'm only talking for me, but honestly, I can not get over a break up that easily, and I don't really want to date anyone right now." he looked up in my eyes and sighed. "This is no surprise if I tell you I'm not over you, right? I mean I was ready to marry you, Olivia. This is not something you just brush away and move on from in the spam of a few weeks."

I felt extremely guilty and when he stopped talking, I held my breath and pressed my lips together. There was no right answer to this and I decided to keep quiet, only letting out the air from my lungs when the waitress came with my glass of wine. I thanked her and after she left, I took a very long sip of it before putting it back on the table. I couldn't pretend I was totally over the break up with Dylan but at the same time, I had Niall, and with him, nothing else seemed to matter, or almost. I didn't want to blindly love him the way I used to before, but I couldn't pretend I was not happy in his arms.

"I'm sorry I asked." I said in a low tone, clearing my throat. "I mean, it wouldn't be any of my business anyway."

Quickly, Dylan brought the discussion back to the show and the scenes we were about to do together and we started laughing again. I had no idea how he did it, but he could always turn an awkward situation into a comfortable one. That was why it was always so easy to be around him.

We paid for our food and walked out of the restaurant as he checked his watch.

"We're supposed to be there in half an hour." he let out, looking around the parking. "You need a ride or you got your own car?"

I raised my nose up. "I planned on taking a cab. I hate driving back when we're done filming, i'm always so tired."

He raised his eyebrows and pointed his car with both hands, his keys hanging from one. I chuckled and rolled my eyes, moving my head a bit before deciding that it was just a car ride and we were going at the same place anyway. It reminded me that Dylan was always my ride home when we filmed the first season and that's one of the things that had brought us closer. We would always chat about what had happened on the set or laugh at each other for the mistakes we made that would be good bloopers. The first time we kissed was in his car, and I remembered like it was yesterday. It was the first time someone made me feel as strongly as that after Niall. Or even before. In fact, I could remember clearly why I wanted to marry Dylan.

He handed me his phone so I could choose the songs that would play while he was driving and when we got there, we walked inside together without really thinking about it. Not many people noticed but those who did sent me a weird look or a surprised smile but I just said hi and left, not wanting to discuss it at all. Sometimes, I forget that people in general love gossips, and that it's not just the paps I need to hide from.

Gladly, no one dared asking me questions and when I was ready to play the scene, I felt nervous all of a sudden. Dylan walked to me with a frown and bent down slightly, giving me a whiff of his deodorant. It made me smile and he whispered.

"Why so nervous?"

"We're supposed to kiss." I pointed out in a murmur, feeling slightly embarrassed by my own words and fear.

"Yea, we did that plenty of time." he replied back. "Relax, it's not even intimate, you know it, there's 25 persons with us on the set."

He was right and I breathed in and out to get some courage. I just thought it was different to kiss someone for a tv show when I was single versus when I was not. It made something jump in my chest when I remembered I was technically still single and for some reason, it didn't sit right with me. I suddenly wanted to be official with Niall. To fly back to Ireland right now and tell him I wanted to be his girlfriend. It was not a rational thought and I pushed it back, trying to focus on the scene I was about to be in. I was still not used to being an actress and I didn't know that much about all of it yet, but I knew that if I wanted to keep doing this job, I would probably have to kiss other people at some point. Perhaps, after a few years, it wouldn't be much of a deal anymore. Hopefully.

Everything went well and I tilted my head while biting my bottom lip as I looked at Dylan. It was incredible how 'in character' he could get and he sighed, raising his eyebrows up as he kept saying his text.

"You know you drive me crazy?"

I smiled proudly and shook my head. "My goal in life!"

I saw him take a few steps my way quickly and it couldn't have been more different than our first kiss was. This on-screen kiss was quick and hard and although it was totally different than the kisses we used to share in private, it still brought a bunch of memories of us in my brain. It was hard to think he was not thinking about the time we spent together too and when his hands reached the sides of my shirt near my waist, I shut my eyes tighter. He gripped my shirt in his fists and I kept my eyes closed when we stopped kissing before he brushed his nose against mine.

The first kiss I had had with Dylan was shy at the beginning and deep after a while. This one didn't come close to the real deal but I guess when feelings are involved, it's always stronger.

"That was the only way I could think about to shut you up." he whispered as I nodded slowly.

"Mm, I can't think of a better way."

He chuckled and I did too, my eyes fluttering open and I couldn't help but blink a few times when my gaze met his. I knew it was all acting but it felt weird to play that scene with him anyway. I sent him a smile and chuckled low and when I heard the 'cut!' I breathed out as all the stress evacuated from my body.

"You're fucking good at this, Olivia." Dylan just complimented me, making me smile a bit.

He patted my shoulder and I checked the time on my phone, grimacing when I realized Niall was probably not done with his show. I wanted to check the video he promised he would do while opening my envelop but I felt like it was too personal and decided I would wait until I was back home.

The rest of the scenes we were supposed to do went fast. Dylan was an incredibly good actor and a hard-working man. He rarely missed his lines or forgot his text and I always tried to be as good and professional as he was. It was crazy but he turned out to be a model for me but I had never taken the time to tell him.

He brought me back home and I was slightly sad when I realized I couldn't ask him to drop me at Niall's. It would make things so awkward and although I knew I could just take my car and drive there, It was way too late for that.

"Thanks so much for the ride, Dyl." I smiled and tilted my head. "I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, babe." I raised my nose up and he chuckled. "Okay, no cute names, I get it."

I waited a few seconds and licked my lips. "I never thanked you for teaching me so much about acting. So thank you. I look up to you a lot. I aspire to be as good as you are."

He sent me a smile but there was something in his eyes that I couldn't seem to decipher. Slowly, he nodded and I grabbed my purse, turning to him again.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure, do you want me to pick you up?"

My lips parted and I took a few seconds to think. I really needed to talk to Niall about it, or else I would feel like I was lying to him, and I hated that.

"Oh, uhm, sure. Thanks, text me?"

He nodded and I got out of the car and I glanced at him a few times, knowing he would wait until I was safe and sound inside to actually leave. I waved at him and closed the door behind me, surprised that Louis was still awake and mostly, that he was alone.

"Hey my queen, how was the filming?" he asked without even looking at me.

"Nice." I admitted, taking my shoes off and walking up to the couch, letting myself fall next to him.

He moved his arm on the back of the couch, near my neck and I leaned my head against it.

"Tired?" he asked, finally turning to look at me as I nodded. "Go to bed, then. There's a gift waiting for you on your bed."

"A gift?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and sitting back up, suddenly interested. "From who?"

"Yours truly. I literally ordered it on ebay."

I frowned when I saw his smirk and felt my heart skip a beat. What stupid thing had he done again? I rushed to my room and opened the door but I stopped dead in my track and my jaw dropped. I walked slowly to my bed and chuckled before making a grimace. I grabbed the cushion and turned around only to see Louis, his hands in his pockets and leaning on the door frame as he sent me a bigger smirk.

"Are you fucking serious?" I chuckled, shaking the cushion with Niall's face on it. "He's like 18 on that damn picture!"

"More like 20. And hey, I picked one where you can actually take the cover off and wash it in the machine. If you want to... you know."

My eyes got bigger and I walked quickly to him as I hit him a few times with the cushion, making laugh even more as he tried to dodge my hits with his elbows and hands.

"What? You're gonna ride it, won't you?"

I started hitting him harder with it and he laughed more as he started running away. I followed him to the living room and raised my nose up again when I saw his smirk.

"You know what, Louis? I will. I'll ride that cushion naked, my damn cunt right on his face, and you'll know I'll do it because I'll fucking scream his name!"

His smile faltered and It made mine grow. "Yea about that, darling, you can wait 'til I'm out to do that yeah?"

"Yea, I don't think so." 

He groaned and I laughed. "Good night, Louis!"

I didn't wait for his answer and walked back to my room, closing and locking the door behind myself. I took a very quick shower and when I finally got under the covers, I quickly checked the instagram I made for us. My heart jumped in my chest and my lips curled when I saw the first video posted. I licked my lips and finally clicked on it as Niall started talking. He looked amazing and just seeing him made me tear up.

"Hey my love." he started with a smile. He was totally ready to go on stage and it made me smile. He had his guitar and his ear monitors and I could see he was close to the stage. He had put his phone on something and was smiling so big that it made my smile grow too. "I fucking miss you. The flight was horrible, you know."

The truth was, he should have left probably a day earlier but we didn't really want to be separated. Now, however, he was jet lagged and tired and I felt a bit guilty about that.

"Okay so, I'm in Ireland and I wish you were here with me. Let's see what your note says." He quickly ripped off the side and I groaned. I didn't know why but watching someone open something in a way I didn't feel was the right one always bothered me. He took the paper out and I saw his face change and his lips part in surprise.

"Jesus Christ this smells like you!" he let out a bit louder. "How did you do that, petal?"

I chuckled alone in the darkness of my room and squirmed a bit as he read the words quickly, his facial expression changing as his eyes moved on the paper. He looked up and shook his head.

"I thought about you the whole flight, Liv." he admitted. "You're in all my thoughts too, lovely. I'm about to go sing a bunch of songs about you and damn, it's not gonna be easy. You call me as soon as you come back home okay? You step foot in the damn house and you pick your phone. I need to hear your voice. I love you."

The video stopped and I raised my eyebrows, quickly hitting on his name to facetime him. It took him half a second to answer and I chuckled. Seeing his face made me want to literally cry.

"Pet, fucking finally!" he let out, making me chuckle. "Hey, your hair's wet, you're in bed... you didn't call me as soon as you got home like I asked! Wait, is that your bed?"

I breathed in and sighed. "Yea I'm sorry I just watched your video. And I'm home because Dylan gave me a ride, so I couldn't really ask him to bring me back to your place."

Niall groaned and I sent him a sad smile, tilting my head.

"I wish he knew that you're with me now." he shook his head. "I know we're not... together but, you know..."

"I know, Nee. I know."

We stared at each other for a while, just happy to talk to each other live and after a while, I pressed my lips together and started the conversation again.

"So how was your show?"

"Great. Fucking amazing, in fact." he admitted, playing with his hair and making my heart twist in my chest. I wish I could slide my fingers in his hair, too. "I'll be in Dublin tomorrow."

My face changed and I sat up. "Are you gonna go through Mullingar?"

"Probably."

I held my breath and my lips parted slightly.

"If you see someone I know-"

"Yea, I'll call you."

My eyes fluttered and I finally found my smile back, leaning against the wall behind me. I could spend hours just sitting in bed, facetiming with him but keeping silence. Just knowing he was there was enough for me.

"Is there a secret written in every envelop you wrote or was it just for the first one?" he asked, a smirk forming on his lips.

I felt my cheeks burn slightly and nibbled on my bottom lip, making him laugh.

"It was not a secret just... something I never told you."

"Well if you want to tell me of all the times you masturbated thinking about me, please I'd love it." he explained, making me hide my face with my free hand. "Make a list and send it to me. I'll do that same."

"God you're impossible!" I laughed, rolling my eyes. "You tell a guy you rode his pillow one time in the morning when he was out for a run and suddenly you're naughty!"

"You are naughty, Liv." he laughed too. "Are you gonna show me?"

"Mm, Maybe."

We stared at each other for a few minutes and it made me realize how much lighter I felt whenever Niall was around. I knew he was not physically there at that moment but I still felt better, calmer and happier. It made me realize that I was in a perpetual state of stress since he had left and I felt even lighter now than after that kissing scene with Dylan. No one could make me feel good the way Niall did.

"It's morning there?" I asked as he nodded.

"It's 10 in the morning. Which means it's about 2am where you are? Go to bed, petal, you need a rest."

"Aren't you glad that I waited to call you? I probably would have woken you up!"

"You did." he pointed out with a soft smile. "That was the plan. I wanted to wake up seeing your face, sort of like you were here with me. Fuck, I wish you were here with me."

I felt myself tear up and tried to swallow my tears but it was too hard. I blinked a few times and a few tears slid down my cheeks. I didn't even try to stop them, I just kept staring at Niall until he frowned and shook his head.

"Pet, please, don't." he sat and his phone moved as I tried to stop a sob from escaping my lips and when he appeared on the screen again, he was rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and I held my breath when I realized he was crying too. "We'll be together soon enough, okay?"

He breathed in and I heard him sob slightly, making me bring my hand to my mouth as I nodded. "Mmhm yes." I whispered, trying to swallow my tears and pain.

It had only been a day and it was already tough. I had no idea how we'd go through weeks without each other but it scared the shit out of me. I brought my hand to my phone and let my fingertip run on his cheek, over the screen. It was ridiculous but I was desperate for his touch. I just wanted to be in his arms, just a few seconds, I would have done anything.

He chuckled sadly but his eyes were still red and I knew I probably looked the same. "I put your note under my pillow and now it smells like you." he admitted. "You're not physically with me, Olivia, but you're in my head and my heart okay?"

I nodded quickly. "You're in mine, too."

"We've always been connected, you and me." he added, licking his lips. "Nothing is ever going to change that, and certainly not distance. I fucking love you, petal."

"I love you too." I whispered before repeating it louder. "I fucking love you too, Niall."

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[dragonscanbeplantstoo]

Agape

an Oil & Sky story

I was boring that summer in Milan. I was already boring in Dresden, and boring before that, in Paris and Montpellier. But those three months I spent trapped under the Milanese sun were a singular boring. Like one of those bottled ecosystems, I needed almost nothing to exist, and impacted almost nothing with my existence.

I was there for Degas; for a three-month fellowship dedicated to his philosophies and techniques. It had to be in Milan, because Degas had already chewed Paris to pieces. He was in every café, around every corner, a weight on every dancer who dared to turn across a Paris stage. Paris was a place to study Degas. But this fellowship was more than that, it was about emulation, about becoming. There was no better place to become Degas than Milan, home of DaVinci, home of the finest opera house in the world. Untouched and ripe for fifteen young artists to possess in the same way he possessed Paris. And possess, I did. I arrived in June and lived above the only café in the city that opened before 7am. I would never adapt to the Italians’ lackadaisical approach to time. The proprietor called me his ‘6:45 girl’, always ready with my cappuccino at the exact time I stumbled up to his counter. It wasn’t exactly the same as my morning coffee back home. Less milky, and less of it, but it did its duty. By the bottom of the cup, I was alert enough to paint.

Studio hours were 9am-5pm, Monday through Saturday. I stood in the northeast corner of the room with my back to everyone else. The windows concentrated the heat on my skin and made me sweat, but it kept my hands warm and loose until the lunch hour. A bright-cheeked nonna across the street from the studio sold paninis the size of my head for four euros. But the time I’d finished it and the paper, the hour was up, and critiques began. My walk home took fifteen minutes. At home, I painted.

The only days I didn’t go straight home were Fridays, when we were required to go to the opera. I would have gone anyway; it’s what Degas would have done. Ensconced in the dim with my sketchbook spread across my knees. My universe lit only by the stage as I followed dancers and singers with my charcoal. Afterward, my classmates poured out into the night for pasta and wine, but I was so dazed with music in my ears and colors behind my eyes that I could do nothing but go home and stain my hands with paint. After a week or two, they stopped inviting me. After a week or three, they stopped talking to me about anything that wasn’t a canvas. I suppose I made it too much effort.

What do you like to do, Maeva? Paint.

What do you do on Sundays, Maeva? Paint.

What are you doing for this week’s piece, Maeva? Painting.

Looking back, it seems a little bit improbable. Three months of eight-hour days together, and I never went out for drinks, or hung out at their places, or laughed in the studio. I was that ecosystem, sitting on a shelf. There when they arrived, there when they left, barely existing outside of the studio.  

When they drew me, because of course we drew each other, it was always in black lines. Irises, eyelashes, bangs. Things like a chin or a nose barely suggested. They were boring portraits, but Degas would have been proud. My classmates did not draw me as I looked, they drew me as I was—a series of shapes barely connected, a nebula anchored to nothing.

There were never many things securing my Chucks to this plane of existence. But that summer more than ever I was ghostly, gossamer, barely real. So little held me down that I could have discorporated at any moment. Blown away on a breeze, liquefied in one of the famous Italian thunderstorms. I could count only three things that prevented my fate. Three little things. Coffee, of course. After coffee, Degas.

That summer Degas was the weight in my heels, and Degas gave matter to my mass. He grounded me in the purity of the studio, in mystery, vagueness, and fantasy. When I walked across the cobblestones, when I selected my brushstrokes, when I followed the dancers in La Scala with my charcoal, he was there, haunting my ear. My purpose was crystalline. I threw out Monet that summer, Cezanne, Renoir. Instead I made my prayers at the altars of the Old Masters. Caravaggio, DaVinci, Raphaelle, Botticelli. I painted almost everything from memory, because he disliked painting by eye, and he was right. The memory of a dancer’s foot will always be more beautiful than the foot itself. To paint from memory was to paint something more. Something just real enough to be beautiful, and just false enough to be art. That summer I agreed with every word Degas said and ever would say, except one. When Degas said the recipe for beauty had been lost, he was wrong. It was not a fault of philosophy, but of time. Degas died in 1917, so he was not alive in 1999 when Corin Olivier was born.  

Corin was the third thing, the last thing. The touch of sunshine my ecosystem needed from time to time, the flutter of pulse that proved I still had a physical form. I was there for Degas, but it’s possible I came because I knew Corin would be there too. He was the only thing that could pull my mind away from my painting. Fridays, at the opera, and every day, when I yanked the paper open to the arts section and hunted for a face I could draw better than any photograph. He was in it most weeks, which gratified me. La Scala wasn’t giving him the lead roles yet—he was still only a student—but they couldn’t resist showing him off over the summers. He sang chorus or supporting roles, and the papers were in love with him.

My classmates too, were in love with him. First with his piercing voice on Fridays. Then with his soft curls and sweet smile on the day he visited me at the studio. I didn’t blame them. Corin was a piece of art, and they were admiring him. But they had no idea how delicate he was. The work it took to keep him from shattering. They watched him sing as closely as I did. They giggled about him over their canvases. They asked me for pieces of him.  

Will you bring him to dinner, Maeva? No.

Ask him to come sit for us, Maeva? No.

Can you introduce me, Maeva? No. Corr doesn’t have time for you.

That was an outright lie. Corin had time for anyone who asked. But Corin was mine.

He was mine on Sundays. On Sundays there was no studio, so I spent my mornings at the café, reading the long paper and eating too many pastries. Around 10:30, the chair across from me would screech. When I looked over my paper, he was there, his pretty chin propped on his deep brown fingers. Milan suited him in a way that should have been illegal. Sandy buildings brought out the warm tones in his dark skin, and his eyes, striking anyway, were made all the bluer by the sky overhead. In the summer heat he wore flannels with the sleeves scrunched and slim jeans, his amber throat and ankle bones always exposed to the caress of the sun. The rolled sleeves were new for me, something he never would have done in my mind. But he had finally gotten the tattoos he wanted. Gleaming black, wrapping gracefully around his wrists to cover his scars. I had mixed feelings about them. Corin got his coffee, and then I handed him the astrology section of the paper. He read his horoscope—Leo—and read me mine—Aquarius. He was teasing me, but I listened. Corin liked astrology because it gave him an identity, a framework for his behavior. That summer I understood in a way I never had before, and never would again.

We talked, about everything, and nothing. He teased me about my love affair with Degas, and I offered him pastries just to watch him glare at them. He nursed a single cup of espresso for hours, and that, I didn’t make fun of. I knew it was the only one he allowed himself a week, a tiny risk he took only when he was with me. I didn’t want to sour it for him. Sometimes, while he drank, I sketched him. It was in flagrant disobedience of Degas, to work plein-air like that, but I did it for Corin. Not because I couldn’t draw him from memory, but because I enjoyed watching him move and muse while I captured him in pencil. Whenever I drew his hands with the new tattoos, I had the perverse urge to reach across the table and touch the inside of his wrist. Study the scars and track marks I knew were hidden there. I never tried. We both had classmates that hung around the café on Sundays. Neither of us wanted to give them more questions than they already had. When we finally rose to go upstairs, I saw them scrutinizing us. I’m sure they thought we were sleeping together. Maybe we should have. Maybe that would have felt less delicate.  

And they were, those afternoons in my bedroom, so very delicate. When Corin crossed the threshold, he would toe off his Chucks, raid my poetry collection, and sprawl across the foot of my bed. He read poems to me, or more often, he sang poems to me. I stood on my pillows and added to the flowers I was painting across the walls. In that close summer air, his voice blossomed like the peonies under my paintbrush. Each octave uncurling like each petal with its own tones, veins, shadows. Still unequivocally apart of the same whole. I found myself painting his voice into my mural. I mixed pinks like the undertones of his high notes. Pressed my brush into the wall to match the gravel of his lows. Caught the roundness of his breath on the edges of leaves and stamen. Like memory to the dancer’s foot, his voice made my peonies so much more.  

I painted until the light was peachy and my hands ached. I would drop my brush into water, and then I would drop myself onto Corin’s chest. The sudden heat always gave me goosebumps. My legs rested beside him, and my mouth hung over his. He finished what he was saying or singing, a smile teasing at his cheeks, and then he exhaled with me. It wasn’t really kissing. It was no different than when I spread my fingers across his ribs, or pressed my cheek into his pulse. It was making sure he was still pulling air into his enormous lungs, beating blood through his fragile heart.  

Only occasionally did we speak. Occasionally Corin would suck in a wonderfully long breath and say things like:

“One day I’m going to write songs about the paint in your eyelashes, Maeva Leroux. But no one will ever hear them.”

I lifted my face from his neck. “Why not?”  

He closed his eyes, the sunset turning his eyelids burnt orange, and sighed.  

“Because I was born for Verdi.”

I understood his resignation. I understood precisely, because I was an ecosystem planted and bottled for Degas. Isolated from the world by thick walls of glass, and flourishing inside.

[sporadic-writer]

Welcome to the Neighborhood pt. 3

Harrison x American!reader (nothing hella specific other than mentioning the states, so try pretending if you aren’t American. If not.. sorry?)

Warnings: same as before, swearing, mentions of weed and alcohol (because I enjoy both safely and responsibly), and um I think that’s it.

Note: I made this a Harrison fic because I feel we need more of those in the world. Also, this fic doesn’t have like, an idk.. overarching story/theme yet? other than reader and Harrison stuff. Lastly, this fic is a result of bits of writing courage during a writer’s block mess. I have a better concept for the next chapter. So sorry this could count as a filler or fun simple read.

Part 1 here Part 2 here

°•●•°●°•●•°●°•●•°●°•●•°

"What about just a casual cookout?" This was the 3rd idea he has asked out loud.

Sam and Harry watched Harrison all but pace as he spit balled ideas to have their new neighbor over. The whole morning he was thinking through stuff to do that wasn't too much for quarentine. It was starting to end, but he didn't want to push anything.

The other men in his presence groaned. "Jesus just ask her to come hang out! No agenda, just invite her here to hang out and then you can get to know her!" Sam suggested in a shout back to his friend. "Stop fucking moping about here like a nervous puppy." That last statement was a quieter grumble.

Tuwaine nodded in agreement. "You're starting to get annoying Haz. We all like her, so having her here is fine. Then you buddy up to her in the process." This seemed to help the blonde settle.

"Harry! You talked to her a little more earlier today. Any info I can use to break the ice one on one?" Harrison looked to his friend hopefully.

The man in question rolled his eyes. "We barely talked. Her room and bathroom windows are right next to my room. We talked because she apologized thinking her music was loud and coming into mine. Then we made small talk a little before she went to the store."

An idea sparked in Harrison's head about conversation ideas next time he saw you. Music was always a great ice breaker. He remembered you wore a Green Day shirt one time, so that's something. Also, he has heard you singing to yourself on your deck; some Irish band his mother listened to sometimes. He mentally scanned his music selection in his room. Just then he heard a car door shut outside. He asked if it was you and Tom nodded yes after peaking out the window. He calmly dashed outside with Tuwaine and Sam following seeing what the commotion was. Plus, Sam left stuff in his car.

Walking towards your front door you heard your neighbor's open and noticed Harrison looking right at you. You looked over with wide at men rushing towards you, but smiled and greeted them once seeing their familliar faces.

"Hey guys!" You attempted a small wave with your things in your hands.

Sam and Tuwaine nodded and waved in repsonse. Harrison looked a little flustered. "Hey y/n. Um I had a question for you."

Your smile didn't help his nervousness. "Shoot." You replied while walking to your door, then working on unlocking it.

Upon no response, you looked at him to see him open and close him mouth once, and just had a slight 'umm' noise come out. It was sweet. There was a simplistic charm about people getting slightly nervous over being around othee people they were into. You were no fool, you had seem him peak glances at you through his yard and window upstairs. Now you watched him try to gain courage to simply ask you a question. You thought about doing it yourself, but you are a tad old school and see if the guy will get to it. Once impatient, you'll ask him. But now you watched him as his hair moved lightly in the breeze of the cool London air. Not to mention he looked handsome as ever in his sweater. Wonder if it is as soft as it looks...?

"Y/N! What are you doing tomorrow love?" Twuaine bit the bullet for Harrison since he couldn't get a full question out. You snapped out of your trance. Luckily the distance helped hide your embarrassment.

She checked the date on her phone lockscreen. "Umm I work tomorrow 7 to like 4. So after that a shower, maybe a nap, then nothing. Why?"

Rather than the one who asked reply, Harrison finally jumped in and spoke. "Want to come over tomorrow? We were going have dinner and watch the match and relax one more night for sure before things start up again for us." Tom just got final shooting schedules and he knew things would soon pick up for him most likely in following. As much as he loved being home, doing nothing, he did miss working. However, of course it happens after desiring more time with you.

"I would love to! What time?" The little bounce thing you did to balance your groceries and to open your door was precious to him.

"Um come by any time after you're home from work."

Sam piped in saying, "Match starts at 5 or 6 I think, around then is perfect."

"Awesome! Thanks for the invite guys. Also hey, do you guys know good pet stores around here? Sorry if that's random but I am running out of supplies and can't mooch off work.. new job and all."

"'Fraid not y/n. Sorry we don't know where Tom gets his dog stuff."

Harrison nodded in agreement. "Yeah and my dog is at home and my mum gets everything usually."

She shrugged. "No worries. Internet search it is. Well I gotta put these away. I'll see you guys tomorrow." They said their fairwells to her and did as she did, went inside. She didn't notice this time how her admirer watched her to see she got in alright.

After watching you get in your house, Sam shut the car door he opened earlier with his hat in hand, and Harrison sighed. He turned to his friends.

“I could have asked her over myself.” His tone suggested he knew he couldn’t. But that didn’t stop him from sulking back into his home. “I’m the one into her, I could have asked her over.”

“Mhmm sure Haz, an hour later after leaving your mouth open to catch flies. She’s coming over. Get over it and enjoy that your painful attempt was cut short.”

On that note he thanked his lucky stars and went into his home, not before hearing music come out of your open windows. He shazamed it and made a mental note to use it as a potential ice breaker tomorrow. Man he felt like a 15 year old.

*time skip*

It was around 4:30ish when Harrison saw your car pull into your driveway and you get out. Even with your hair up after a day of physical labor, uniform London Zoo shirt covered in dirt and a couple bleach stains, and basic khaki shorts; he still thought you looked pretty as ever. He was a little shocked you didn't look totally exhausted remembering you started work at 7am. That just impressed him more. Now he only had to wait an hour or so for you to be over and hanging out with him. Ground work would be set. He made sure his shirt, pants, and hair were in good sorts before relaxing on the couch with Sam. About an later, he heard the door open and a familiar voice greet everyone. However, not the voice he was expecting.

"Sis? What are you doing here?" He sat up as she rolled her eyes.

"Hello to you div."

He rolled his eyes right back. "Not what I meant. Just wasn't expecting you to drop in." He loves Charlotte, but didn't need her when a girl he's trying to get with is supposed to come by very soon.

"Harry has a camera for my friend to borrow for a class of hers. Why? You guys got plans or something? Look at me give a shit as I interrupt this rager." She moved about the house looking for the Holland she spoke of. He was about to blow her off and get her out but Tuwaine appeared out of nowhere to be a stellar friend.

"He does have plans actually. Tryin' to get with our fit American neighbor. Got all worked up and could barely ask her over tonight. He didn't actually, but not the point." His sister, who still hasn't left, smirks at him. “He’s into her and this is him ‘laying the groundwork’ or something.”

"Really?? Aw look he's blushing!" She poked his cheek. “Relax though, I’m just gonna find Harry or his cam, whichever comes first, and be out. Alright?”

Thanking his lucky stars he was about to tell her to just get on with it, but the doorbell rang. Harrison and his sister made eye contact, he pleaded with his to stay, hers glimmered with mischief, and they were off! Both siblings dashed for the door while Sam and Tuwaine enjoyed the show. The luck didn’t last, because Charlotte reached the door first. She kicked away the eager man and smiled as the she greeted who she assumed was the American girl her brother fancies.

Harrison saw you were turned around as you began to speak, looking at a car that honked for some reason, and as you entered your head was still looking down a tad. “Sorry I’m late, late-ish anyway. Rolled one after work, enjoyed it after the shower, then passed out for an unexpected nap - ah your new!” She locked eyes with his sister and if he could frame a mental image he would. Y/N looks like she wanted the ground to swallow her, and needed saving. She was clearly still a little buzzed, and a joint was sticking out of her beanie. “Well not new, but new to me I mean. Um ignore that first impression.. Hi! Y/F/N Y/L/N, their neighbor.” As she spoke, the hand holding a bottle of vodka tucked the joint discreetly further into the hat. Smooth, sorta..

“Charlotte, Harrison’s sister. Pleasure to meet you. That lot you speak of told me a touch about you. From the states ey? Very fun, caught Hazzy’s eye so watch out. I love him but he’s a bit dodgy on getting things done sooner than later.” She winked at her brother while the newest addition to the house just stood there taking it all in. “Now if you excuse me I shall find Harry’s camera.”

Harrison watched you follow his sister, who he will get back at later, out of the room. You still looked a tad surprised, but smiled through it anyway. Then you made eye contact with him and smiled brighter before saying, “I brought drinks!”

°•●•°●°•●•°●°•●•°●°•●•°

Taglist (crossed out means it didn't take yours): @jillanaholland @averyfosterthoughts @sarah-m-limelight-2007 @astridcommings

As always, like and reblog if you want. Hit me up if you want to be tagged or not, or if I forgot to tag you. Thanks for reading and enjoying! Lmk of there are any errors or stuff like that.

[stonyiscanon]

Love At Fifth Sight (Tony Stark x Avenger! Reader)

Requested: haha no I’m so sorry for ignoring all the asks in my inbox I’ll reply to them right after this!

Notes: ALL THAT GOOD FLUFF AND ENEMIES TO KINDA LOVERS STUFF. IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AN OVERDOSE OF CLICHES YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE

Words: 2.3k

Warnings:  Swearing

Summary: Tony Stark is an asshole. Well, he’s an asshole until he isn’t.

           When Steve had introduced you to the whole team, they all seemed nice enough. Wanda waved with a small smile, most people gave you a nod, and a ‘Welcome to the team!’ You were also invited to dinner with them that night, which was nice, considering you had just met them.

Even Clint had poked his head down from the ceiling to say Hi, which scared the shit out of you, but you appreciated it nonetheless, and smiled back up to him. Sam had stopped chasing and screaming at Bucky enough to give a greeting and a smile, then continued running after Bucky, shouting something about how ‘You need to watch where you put down your fucking dumbbells!’

The first time you had met Tony Stark was, pretty memorable, to say the least.

You saw the suit-clad man with his signature glasses and smirk on his face, and immediately identified the man as the infamous Tony Stark.

“Hey, Cap.” He quipped, slapping a hand onto Steve’s shoulder. He also shot you a nod and a charming smile with one of the mundane greetings you already heard thousands of today.

“Tony. You didn’t show up at the briefing yesterday. What’s that about?” Said Steve, clearly annoyed, brushing off Tony’s hand with a roll of his shoulder.

“Oh yeah!” Tony, said calling out, already walking away, not even looking back to address him.

“It was an emergency!” You barely even heard what he said as he skipped up ahead, already escaping from your view as he turned into a corner, waving a goodbye. Steve shook his head, and slightly rolled his eyes, turning back to you, shooting a smile.

“Don’t mind him. That’s just Tony, you’ll learn to live with him. Should we continue?” He carried on with the tour, showing you the gyms, where Thor was training, advising you that when Thor and Wanda were both in the training rooms, it was probably best to stay away. There had been a few ‘incidents’ that he didn’t talk any more about.

Your first impression of Tony Stark was ‘What a lazy, narcissistic dick!’

Okay, so maybe the second time you met Tony Stark, your judgement was just a little clouded. But, in your own defense, the circumstances that you saw him under weren’t the best.  

Needless to say, you were not a morning person. But apparently, pretty much all the other avengers were, and this pissed you off more than words could describe. After a few weeks, everyone pretty much learned not to talk, do, or- dare god- smile at you from 5AM-7AM.

The only thing that saved you from insanity was the insanely expensive coffee machine stationed in the kitchen that you rushed to every morning. Tony was never in the kitchen when you were there, and when you asked Bucky about it, he replied with a laugh.

“Tony might hate mornings even more than you. He keeps himself locked up in his room until he’s needed, or when Pepper drags him out of his bed.” He paused, thinking, and continued.

“I don’t think he really ever, um, sleeps.” He left after that, leaving you more confused you were in the first place.  One particular morning when you were stabbing the espresso button on the coffee machine with a fork, Tony entered, yawning and rubbing his eyes, grumpily fixing his hair and glaring at everyone.

“Oh, would you stop gaping and looking surprised?” He snapped at everyone. “I can kind of function before 8AM.” Tony looked up, still seeing everyone’s skeptical faces, he muttered, “Okay, fine, my coffee machine broke down.”

He rubbed his hands together, murmuring, “Daddy needs his caffeine.”

Hearing this, the entire team simultaneously rolled their eyes. Wanda stepped inside, smiling at everyone, and almost immediately left when she saw Tony and you.

“Nope. I can’t deal with both of them at 6:30, I’m having breakfast in my room.” Almost five people followed her, grabbing some sort of food and heading back to their rooms.

“Good.” Tony, said, running his hands on his face. “The less the fucking merrier.”  He noticed you, still stabbing your fork at the machine, angrily muttering, “Espresso, goddamnit.”

“Sweetheart,” Tony gave you a lazy smirk and nudged your hand. “That’s the latte button.” He took your finger and moved it to the right. “That’s the espresso. Someone’s a little sleep deprived, huh?” He then snatched your mug, and took a sip out of it.

“Well, this works out anyway. I drink lattes in the morning.” You were too stunned to say anything back, so instead opted to glare at him, silent screams coming from your mouth.

“Jerk!” You called after him, as he walked away with your own mug in his hand, calling back,

“I’ve heard that one before, princess!”

You stomped back to your room, espresso be damned, all while muttering, “Coffee thief.” You went back to sleep, forgetting all about your responsibilities, only getting up an hour later when Nat spilled water on your pyjama shirt, screaming at you to get ready for training.  

The third time, you have to admit, Tony Stark is kind of tolerable. It was a Friday, and the entire team camped out on the couches in the rec room, all refusing to get up, considering how much the mission before had tired them.

What a sight it was, too. Pepper had already came in three times to try and get them all off their asses, and for the first time, none of the avengers listened, and instead stayed, despite how much everyone was deathly afraid of Pepper, some on the couches, some just sprawled out on the floor, all except Steve, who was trying to give a mission debrief and congratulate everyone, while the others all just threw pillows at him, telling him to ‘Shut the fuck up, Steve’.

Well, everyone except Sam, who was holding an ice pack to his chin, and only managed to shout, ‘Shut the fuck up, Stoob!’

Everyone just spoke quietly to each other, most of them holding ice packs to some part of their body, bandaging up, and for the first time in God knows how long, resting. Eventually Steve gave up too, bandaging up his hands, speaking softly to Bucky.

Tony and you sat in the corner of the rec room, ignoring each other for a while, before Tony spoke up.

“Hey. I bet you can’t throw a piece of carpet lint in Clint’s glass of water.” You narrowed your eyes, before replying. You weren’t going to let Tony Stark, Coffee Thief win a bet against you.

“Watch me.” You glared at him, mirroring his smirk. You scratched off a piece of lint from the carpet next to you, and after only two tries, a little splash, and it popped right into Clint’s mug.

“Fuck you.” Clint said, very well aware of what you had done, but way too tired and lazy to actually do something about it, and just deciding to stay dehydrated. Nat let out a snort and closed her eyes, trying to nap.

“I bet,” You mused, “You can’t throw a piece of cracker in Natasha’s mouth while she’s sleeping.”

“Are you kidding me?” Tony hissed. “She’d end me!” But meeting your competitive smirk, he grumbled and snatched the saltine out of your hand. He spent almost a minute trying to aim for Nat’s mouth, finding the best moment to shoot. You were almost going to tell him to admit defeat, but after just three tries, he hit a piece of cracker straight into her mouth.

Tony scrambled behind you right after, hiding from Nat. But she apparently, was also too tired to do anything just yet, but she chewed and swallowed the saltine that landed in her mouth, giving Tony the best death glare she had produced in years, as he sheepishly smiled back.

“I thought you might be hungry.” Tony said in a small voice.

Then she took a pillow and threw it at Tony’s head.

“Ow!” He said, grumbling and rubbing his head. “How the fuck did you throw a pillow so hard?” She shrugged and went back to sleep as you laughed your ass off, watching Tony eventually smile too.

You also watched him hiding from Nat when she woke up from her nap and regained her strength. He managed to evade her for just about 3 minutes before she pelted him with hard candies to the best of her ability, playfully slapping you every time you brought up the fact that he just had his ass kicked by milk duds.

Okay, so maybe Tony Stark is a little more than kind of tolerable.

The fourth time you interacted with Tony, he was drunk. So, maybe this didn’t count as an actual interaction, but you had talked, so this counted in your book.

He was hosting one of those charity galas again, sometime in the weekend, where everyone got all dolled up and made small talk with other rich people. How stupid, you had thought. So, naturally, because you refused to go to this one, Wanda had dragged you to your wardrobe, thrusted you a dress, and told you to meet her outside.

Sometimes, you hate your teammates.

You moped your way downstairs, where Wanda and Nat both looped an arm on either side of your body, pulling you inside the massive ballroom. After you greeted some people, danced with Thor, and absolutely slaughtered Steve in three games of poker, you were absolutely done for that night.

You grumbled, snatching those incredibly tight, scratchy heels off and dumping them God knows where, and threw yourself face down on the covers, until you heard rustling and giggling from outside.

You only knew one person who giggled like that.

“Go away, Tony!”

“Ooh,” You heard from outside. “First name basis.” He said in a sing-song voice, his words slightly slurred. You furrowed your brows as you peeked up from your pillow and dragged yourself to the door.

Sure enough, a very giggly Tony stood, the smell of vodka fresh on his breath, and he was holding some sort of alcohol in his cup.

“You’re drunk.”

“And you aren’t? Pshhhht.”

“Tony,” You said, rather annoyed. “I just want to go to bed, Tony. Want me to call Rhodey?”

“Nuuuuu.” He said, hiccupping.

And as you started to close your bedroom door, he stopped it with his arm, smiling sheepishly at you.

“Wait! Wait, wait, wait. I’m sorry.”

“For what? Other than knocking at your door at midnight for no apparent reason?”

“Oh, yes, that too, I suppose.” He said, thinking hard. “And I just wanted to see you, princess. But, I’m sorry. You know, for stealing your coffee mug that morning. I’m not really that much of a dick, I promise.”

You softened a little bit. How sweet. You knew almost no men who would actually apologize for something that was their fault. Although, maybe it was just the vodka speaking, but you swooned nevertheless.

“A gentleman never leaves a door without properly saying goodbye to his lady.” He announced with a dazed look on his face, finger in the air. You were just about to ask what he meant by that, but you were too scared to say anything without stuttering when he pressed a small, chaste kiss on your cheek.

Clearly he couldn’t see how your cheeks flushed in the darkness, thank Christ. Oh god, no. It’s just a friendly kiss. Brotherly. Besides, he’s drunk. Then you began wondering when the hell you started caring about how Tony Stark saw you.

Almost tripping over himself, he waved his hand and left without saying a word. Checking to see if anybody saw that, you looked back and forth in the hallway to find nothing, shut the door, and squealed.

How cute.

Wait, no.

Rolling your eyes, you went to bed.

The fifth time was quite special indeed. Tony approached you after lunch, holding up some Star Wars movie as a peace offering. Something about his protégé begging him to watch it.

“Sorry about last night, by the way.” He said, in between mouthfuls of popcorn. You froze. Did he regret anything? He probably saw me blush. He probably thinks I’m a fool, oh my gosh. He’s probably going to tell me how he didn’t mean what he did. Oh my gosh, do I like Tony Stark?

Everything was moving way too fast. You had pretty much only met the man, and he hated him, and now suddenly you were ready to start a family? That made no sense at all. You’re just not thinking straight. You told yourself. You’re confused. You reassured yourself.

“Showing up at your door, drunk, unannounced, in the middle of the night, that was really rude.”

“Oh,” You said, a bit relieved, and just a bit disappointed. “It’s alright, Tony. You were drunk anyway.”

“Yeah,” He said, also sounding relieved. “Hey, um, I didn’t do anything weird in front of you that night? Like, anything I’d be embarrassed about?” He asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No,” You said, chuckling, “Since when have you cared about what people think of you, Tony?”

“Since I met you.” He replied popping popcorn into his mouth.

You frowned. “Why?”

“Because- you’re smart, beautiful, clever, and funny, and you get my humor.” He said that like it was nothing, shrugging it off nonchalantly, eyes glued to the TV screen, occasionally throwing kernels at this one green dude on the screen, acting as if nothing had happened just now.

And you stared at him for just a little bit before looking back at the screen, pretending to pay attention.

Did he just say that? That I’m beautiful? Oh my Jesus Christ. How is he acting like nothing’s happened? Am I dreaming?

Oh, God, you realized. You like Tony Stark.

A few inches away, Tony panicked the same way you had.

[lou-is-creative]

Unpredictable (pt 3)

Fandom: 6 Underground

Main characters: Four/Billy // Oc: Eight/???

Shipping: Four/Billy x male!OC

Chapter two: Newbie

Song: Twisted, Missio

𝔹𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤, 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕤 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕤. 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞 𝕠𝕟 𝕞𝕪 𝕞𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥!

AN: The picture isn’t mine (unfortunately tho) Have fun~

It was about 7am as the boy decided to take a break. He was getting tired and really was in need of a shower and some sort of caffeine to stay awake. And to look at least halfway like a decent human being. Saltwater tended to force his hair into tiny curls, which looked everything but serious or dangerous.

He pulled the new car into the driveway of a gas station and parked it a little bit further away, since there were less people parking there. He didn’t want to risk his new possesion being damaged.

He took a quick glance at the freeway and groaned a little annoyed. Once he was done showering, he'd have to deal with the increased traffic. Which would cost him both, nerves and time. Nerves and time he just didn’t have.

The boy pulled his hood over his head to hide the curls and his face. He looked like an average teen with his black hoodie and his Adidas sweatpants. Which was a perfect disguise. He grabbed a backpack in which he had stored both, decent clothing as well as his toothbrush and everything he needed in the bathroom. After locking his car, he quickly made his way over to the building.

The woman in front of him at the cash desk didn't pay much attention to his looks. She looked way too tired and annoyed.

"What can I do for you?"

"I need a shower, where can I find those?"

Asked person kept chewing her gum and pointed at a door with a big sign on it that said 'shower'.

"Thanks".

If he was embarrassed? For sure. Would he ever admit or show? No.

The boy stretched and walked his way to the shower rooms and took a short hot shower to get washed. Despite his love for warm showers, he tried to keep it as short as possible. 

As he walked out of the shower, he put on some decent clothing and blow dried his hair so his curls wouldn’t be visible. With his hair straight and fixed, his clothes fresh and changed, the only thing he still needed was a coffee or something similar. 

As the young man looked at the metallic blue watch on his wrist, he decided for an energy drink. There was no time left for coffee and the chances that he would spill the liquid all over his seat was way too high to be risked. He grabbed a random can, just because it was blue and matching to his watch. He then paid both, the drink and his shower before he left the building and opened the drink to take a sip. And his face was telling stories. He looked so disgusted, that if someone would have tried to describe the scenary, he’d desperately try to find a stronger word.

“I gotta stop choosing things just because they look nice.”

He mumbled and got to his car.

Three hours. The amount of time he’d normally need to reach his destination. But with the increased traffic, it could also take him five. Which would ruin his goal to take less than ten hours. But the young boy wasn’t ready to give up his goal. He took a short look at his watch. Eight am... What a ridiculous coincidence it was to start his car then.

"Benz, find me a way without too much traffic."

He announced and buckled his seatbelt. Saying Benz was so much easier than always addressing his car with 'Hey Mercedes' Which is why he had that changed. And to be honest, he was glad he did.

"Okay sir, I have found a way without much traffic. Do you want to take this road?"

A short look at the display in front of him and a small nod.

"Yes."

And again, he let the engine growl and drove off into the morning sun.

The young driver wasn't the only one enjoying the sun at this hour.

Four grabbed his board and starred into the clear blue sky. It was hot already so he had to use the remaining time as good as he possibly could. Skating in the middle of the day was just impossible with this weather.

The blonde man made his way to a local skate park, wearing a disguise so no one would actually be able to make out that it was the same person that was skating there. One was already fed up whenever he thought about the fact that four went to a skatepark. Why couldn't he just stay at their so called batcave?

But sometimes, the young man just needed his space. Although he liked spending time with people, he needed to be alone from time to time. To calm himself or to think about certain things. Today was such a day. He didn't know if the whole thing with that other guy was a good idea. He doubted it to work out well. Besides, couldn't they find another way into the highly protected mansion of that stupid CEO?

Four let his thoughts drive off completely. Until he took a pause to grab his water bottle, he had brought with him. With the hat pulled into his face deeply, he watched other skaters. Some of them were still pretty young and skated with helmets and their mothers watching. And sometimes this sight made him think of himself as he was younger. Ever since he could remember, he was a very active child. He learned how to skateboard before even wanting to ride a bike. Parkour took over his life as he got sixteen. And until this very day, it was one of the biggest joys he had. The adrenalin rush, the challenge, the kick. But also, the view. Just like the one he had on top of the Duomo. He liked to remember the breath-taking sight of Florence, just not exactly what happened there.

As Seven came to the team, he acted as if Six death left him unaffected. Only he could know that this wasn't the case. It actually was a lie. Six was young, adventurous and addicted to adrenalin, just like he was. They got along well, and he eventually wanted to teach him how to drive. It was something he never had a chance to learn. His family wasn't in possession of a car or enough money to pay his drivers licence.

But this chance was taken away from him. Just like he was taken away from him. Someone who could have been a close friend.

The blonde man looked into the sky for a second, protecting his eyes from the sun with his hand. It was time to return home. One would get really pissed if he would stay out all day. It could cost them.

Plus, he was kind of curious about this new guy that was supposed to join them today. He obviously had his reasons to grab his board and drive home again. As he arrived, he found the others outside of the plane wreck.

One walked up and down while the others were sitting close by. Four got off his board and leaned it against the plane wreck.

"For fucks sake, Four where have you been? Don't you know we don't have any time left to waste?"

Four raised a brow at him. Then he turned around to face Seven, throwing him a questioning look. As if he wanted to ask what the hell was wrong with One. But Seven just shrugged.

"Do you have any clue when that guy will arrive?"

Five asked and eyed Four for a second.

"No idea. But he was supposed to arrive today."

"But you do know that today still has plenty more hours?"

Two asked and Seven made some space so Four could sit down next to him. One groaned. Of course he knew. But they needed every bit of time they could get. Desperately.

Just as he wanted to turn around to respond, he heard the sound of a car approaching. Curiosity spread and the others stood up to see something. But all they saw was dust. At least for a while. It didn't take long for the car to become more visible. It was driving fast.

 "You've reached your destination."

The boy glanced at the navigation system before looking up again to see a bunch of people standing in front of an old plane wreck. He stopped his car a few meters away from them.

Four stood up and took a step forward, trying to make out what the new guy looked like. But the windows were tinted so he couldn't see anything. At least not until the boy got out of his car.

Each and every one of them scanned the newbie from head to toe. They looked at the straight black hair, which was neatly styled in a middle part and looked freshly cut. At his black pants, which he paired with a black dress shirt with rolled up sleeves. He was dressed black. completely. Even his sunglasses were black. The only coloured thing he was wearing, was the metallic blue watch.

As he approached the others, he took off his sunglasses and the car seemed to lock itself. And as he looked into Fours direction, the first thing the blonde noticed were the light brown eyes. The sharp gaze, the serious face. He appeared so grown up, although he barely looked older than nineteen, maybe twenty but not older.

The new boy finally stopped, focussing on One, who was now directly in front of him.

"I see you've found your way here, which is nice, but may I ask you, what the fuck that is?"

One asked and with one short movement of his head, he made obvious what he meant.

The boy’s car.  Eight turned around to face his car, raised a brow and turned back to look at One.

"A car, obviously."

He said, hiding his confusion about that question.

"No, I-",

One rubbed his sleeves,

"I mean the colour. You can have a car, we've talked about that, but that colour-"

"What's wrong with the colour?"

Eight looked at One as if he was ready to murder him for the criticism on his car.

"I think it looks pretty fucking cool."

Four interrupted and shrugged as he leaned against the metal of the plane. Eight looked at him shortly before pushing one of his hands into the pocket of his tight jeans. A bright grin appeared on his face as he shortly pointed at Four, raising his eyebrows at One.

"See? This guy has a good taste."

Four couldn't bite back a grin and bowed sarcastically.

To be fair, the car looked very nice. It was a Mercedes C- Class with the typical AMG design. But the colour really made it special. It was blue. Metallic-blue but matte. It looked unique.

"You know what I mean. We had talked about the colour."

One said and Eight nodded.

"I know. I will have it repainted regularly. Don't worry."

One nodded and looked at the boy.

"Well then, welcome to the team."

Eight nodded and looked at the other ghosts who simply greeted him with a nod. Unfortunately, they didn't have the time to really get to know the newbie. It was running out on them and they still had a long way to go.

"Follow us inside, we need to use the time we have left efficiently."

AN: Again, if you like this story, feel free to share it or leave an ask💕