#it's usually One Singular Person maybe two or three who makes these and they're a labor of love or a passion project

[subsequentibis]

a human being makes the webcomics you are reading PLEASE have some compassion when it comes to update schedules, hiatuses, art styles, lettering, and the like

[punch-love]

12, 19, 21, 25, 27, 28, 29 (real curious about this one), 31, 34, 37,

OKAY fuck that's a lot of questions ik. But like if it's too much ya can answer whichever the ones ya want. Also the <<<40>>>> this question deserves a special place cause I AM FERAL AND BAT SHIT CRAZY TO ANYTHING RELATED TO LOVE-PUNCH.

12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

I really enjoy the (singular) episode we've gotten for these two. In the context of the comics, one of my favorites is the one where Wade has to talk Peter out of going too dark-sided, which was a really fun contrast and something that Peter ended up thanking him for which is pretty rare for him.

19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

I'm very much my own muse, and I mean that in the vainest and most honest way possible.

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I can't even begin to count this number. It's a lot. It's like - it's a lot. I really won't post something until I can read through it and not feel the urge to adjust or change anything. I'm a picky reader, so that - is not an easy thing to accomplish. I also have a great beta who will sometimes rewrite portions, reorganize my flow, or pick specific sections that should be rewritten or re-evaluated, and so I'll send a couple of drafts over in that case so - yeah, the number is high. I take the editing stage very seriously.

25. What do you look for in a beta?

I was very lucky to have my beta @maybe-haunted ask to work with me on chapter one of my first posted work, so I've never necessarily looked for one. I've just been very fortunate to have the perfect one find me. I don't ask for creative help often, so the thing I appreciate about my beta (one of many) is that they make me feel very safe sharing something in a very raw, very imperfect state. I only publish polished works, but they've seen my writing at it's roughest and most incomprehensible, and they're always able to be very direct about what does/doesn't work while making me feel comfortable in that experience. I love knowing what's going on in the reader's mind, and they're a very good audience for getting that type of feedback. They also individually comment on all the sections/moments they like or hit really well for them, and that is just - let me tell you. The best part of the editing process is getting to read what they thought about it and getting to experience in real-time how my writing is being ingested by another person weeks before it's ever shown to my bigger audience. I really appreciate them a lot.

27. How do you feel about collaborations?

I don't enjoy them! I really like being the only guy steering the ship. I have never enjoyed collaborative projects. I have talked about writing something with @periodically-puzzled, and they're probably the only person I'd do it with. That being said, I love collaboration within idea sharing and editing, and I've taken a lot of ideas/feedback/snippets from my writing friends and beta before, and I love seeing how the hand of another person influences and changes my writing. I also enjoy seeing my hand in other people's work, but it's the difference between adding spice to the soup and making a soup with someone else. I much prefer adding spice/having spice added then having to share kitchen space.

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@periodically-puzzled: funny and immensely clever, such a clear narrative voice, and very intentional with the stories they like to tell. the first time I read their work, I felt like I had found a pearl in a sea of rocks. there's just something very individualistic about how they write. you can see the person behind the wheel and it makes it all that more interesting. also one of the few people to actually trigger me with their writing.

@primewritessmut: gnarly and so violent in a way that actually makes their writing almost bleed with it. there are writers who are like "wow I'm such a psychopath for writing this there must be something wrong with me" but they are literally babies in the face of whatever is happening inside prime's mind. her writing makes me flinch and I really enjoy that experience of not being able to look away. also just, the ability to finish so many interesting and complex stories is always something that impresses me.

@x-gon-give-it: really, immensely obsessed with their current WIP with a mercenary spider-man. the writing is just - incredible. there are passages and bits from it that cycle around my head in a loop. really just cracked peter parker on the sidewalk and made us all look at the inside of his fucked up brain. really very talented at writing violence and like, razor sharp intimacy. I take notes whenever I read one of the new chapters, honestly.

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

I know you were interested in this answer specifically, but I honestly would not do write a sequel or prequel for anyone else's work. that's just not how my brain works. part of that comes from the fact that I have a complicated, often negative relationship with people creating works inspired from my own, so it's not something I would do to another writer.

31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I take liberties by claiming everything I write is inspired by canon even which it's in direct opposition of it.

34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

I love it a lot. I read a lot of it. I write a lot of it. I think it's a safe space for people to explore something complicated and/or objectively horrible that is often inspired by real world experiences and fears. I used to say that I wouldn't write non-con, and I still stand by the fact that I probably wouldn't write sexual non-con for my own mental health, but I am exploring a technically not sexual non-con scenario in a one-shot right now.

37. Talk about your current wips.

The not sexual non-con scenario I'm working on is one where Spider-Man goes feral and Wade keeps him in a cage and starves him on purpose to see if he can get Spider-Man to cannibalize him.

40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

I'm going to be so real, I almost didn't answer this one because I don't like to talk about my endings (even their direct opposites) before I write them, but I did end up thinking about this enough to probably warrant an answer. I think that if (redacted) didn't happen, then they would remain enemies who absolutely hate everything about each other in the way that only bitter ex's really can.

I think that they would know too much about each other and that they would intentionally make each other's lives miserable because of it. They're both very vindictive people who love to hold a grudge, and both of them would feel victimized by how (redacted) went down and would feel like the other person was their personal villain.

I think Wade wouldn't kill Spider-Man, not out of love, but because he'd enjoy hurting him too much, and I think that Spider-Man would break his no-kill rule specifically to shut Wade up sometimes. I think Wade would bring the worst out of Peter, and Peter would make Wade want to destroy the best inside himself. It would be a 24/7 divorce court, but the court is the city and neither party is happy with the verdict and keep on trying to hurt each other to make up for it. I think eventually one of them would leave the city, and they would never see each other again, but the hate would never fully go away - and if they made their way back to each other, it would burn twice as hot. It would be like a full circle moment, then ending with how they started but this time with twice the amount of knowledge and the hate would be actually personal this time. That would be the alternative ending.

[project-root]

God...

This place is dustier than my bedroom likely is. Granted, I haven't seen my previous bedroom in almost a year, so that's just kind of a guess.

Greetings, to anybody who sees this post. Whether you are one of the many people that may or may not decide to read my rare posting in multiple servers including my own, and also to the singular person that appears to still follow this blog. Hopefully you and anyone else who might follow this soon will not have had their time wasted.

Read more

AUHAHAHAHAHA I will only know if that actually worked when I check this after posting.

I... Am bit shitty when it comes to showing my content for projects. A lot of it's usually because peopleing is not easy, especially when I've developed a mild distrust in others that I haven't had long enough of a connection to to solidly believe they're a... "person"? It's a little hard to explain, and I don't want to explain it here.

I have a lot of ideas.

I've compiled two, maybe three years worth of notes in my own personal archive server. And throughout most of it, I've spent time coming up with designs, changing those designs in subtle, drastic, or ultimately just keeping the same design but giving it a fun fact that is ultimately meaningless in the long run

But I really don't have a lot as far as writing.

No, I don't mean I haven't written anything for this, in terms of story- just that uh, in all the things I've written, I'm not really satisfied with any of them. Some of them were set before I knew what I was truly trying to do, and currently I struggle as much just to tailor a pleasing beginning, or even work within my own parameters I set up to make my job a little free-er.

But in the long run, the story is something that exists in fragmented pieces in my head, and trying to translate that (including the fact that it's fragmented) onto a document- again, where do I even begin?

Like, I'm basically just stuck in the premise of-

> child has been running around and scavenging through abandoned areas of old towns and shit, killing strange demented wildlife whenever they don't find some conveniently stored food

> child happens to find the remains of a camp, which would become important later in a very roundabout way

> something something they start running away because their past is actively hunting them, only for them to run into something equally as terrifying

And I have the most Vegas of transitioning for the next portion after that, but-

I've yet to find a satisfying way to put that into a longer story, preferably more then 5 pages.

But in the meantime, I've drawn, made notes, asked people who listen for ideas, and I've even attempted to make music! Kind of shitty, crude even. But music!

And I hope to build some kind of full soundtrack, among other things, whether or not the people I've enlisted to help me with this whole thing are there too. Because honestly, I love the contributions people have made, but I also recognize that if there's no one else to rely on, you got to start taking things into your own hands, and uh, ahem, "JUST- DO- IT!!"

Or something like that.

And anybody who has seen this project from start to finish, relevancy to irrelevancy, shitpost to slightly serious shitpost-

Thank you.

You all hold a special place in the detective style mystery board of photos and other assorted things interconnected that is my mind, and in further, my metaphorically pin filled heart.

A lot of this project is for me, but it's also indirectly for a lot of you, whether it's to express the care I have (in some strangely displayed manners), or just to tell a very convoluted, perhaps endless story everyone can enjoy. If you know the truth to it, then you know.

I can't promise it'll be anytime soon, but I'm probably going to keep at this project until the day I physically can't keep it in my mind. Ever. And that implies that I won't be able to keep the memories of others alive too, and I will *always* do that.

People might have come and gone, but the memories will be there,

Forevermore.

See you folks when I remember to post another thing, hopefully this is a reasonable enough "where have I been" type thing.

- Edmund Endless

[minhamenteacabada]

even longer explanation:

sure, you can do whatever you want forever. like, nobody is going to stop you; it's your life, you can choose to be and do whatever you want, but you're not the only person who exists and you aren't the creator of your language. you're the inheritor of the language.

people seem to forget that language is a shared social system. across all languages, all demographics, all geographies, and all time periods. and yes, language changes to suit the needs of those using it, but it also needs to maintain its shared coherence among those communities to be functional and useful, which means adhering to existing conventions. employing wildly varying pronouns (or even a single untraditional one that runs against what people understand) requires the enrollment of a substantial number of people in the community of speakers who find it useful and find that it improves the expressive power of the language. for any speaker, not just a select few who want a new word.

a pronoun really is not a "nickname". it has a structural purpose in a language. a name is a designator (a rigid one, for that matter, if you're familiar with philosophy of language), so if you want to have synonyms for the term that refers to you, the person? sure, go for it; that's a nickname. growing up, I had a friend named justin who i ran cross country with, but everyone called him "lopez". he wasn't even latino (his last name was european, actually). that's a nickname.

a pronoun takes the place of a noun: it, he, she, they, we, i, you; él, ella, ellos, ellas, nosotros, nosotras, yo, tú, usted, ustedes; il, elle, ils, elles, nous, on, je, tu, vous; ele, ela, eles, elas, nós, eu, tu, você, vocês, etc.

often, in the case of western languages like the one we're speaking, they correspond with noun classes (what is usually called "gender", although it's not like these words are identifying with anything, because they're concepts, not people). some languages have noun classes, like romance languages, and some do not, like english or persian. in persian, there is no gender at all, so they just have او for third person, pronounced "oo". interestingly, even though the language of iran doesn't have gender, its society does anyway, and it's quite capable of doing bad all on its own without gendered pronouns. it might even make you think, identity and oppression really aren't a matter of which pronouns are used.

so, yeah, while pronouns are usually associated with a gender, they cannot just "mean whatever you want them to mean". people have begrudgingly allowed "they" to become a not-he-and-not-she catch all non-binary pronoun, but beyond that, it is only niche communities of people (like here on tumblr) who will accept just whatever. pronouns are not like fashion, or even rhetoric, that you can customize and switch out depending on what you feel like being or communicating at any given time.

if you take a term that is a pronoun and want it to also refer to something else, sure, you can do that. the singular first person pronoun "i" is already an example of that. it refers to both oneself, and the 9th letter of the alphabet. but you can't seriously create some new two- or three-letter word that somehow refers to something different from the commonly accepted pronouns. i mean, you can, in the sense that you can declare that you are doing such a thing, but that doesn't mean it becomes part of the language. just the same as i can't take the english word "pronoun" and say "the word pronoun now refers to the act of standing upside down on one hand staring at a wall and eating iceberg lettuce like an apple in the other hand". i mean, i could do it on tumblr, but strangely enough, i will find that nobody but me would begin to use the word "pronoun" to mean that thing. otherwise, it's basically linguistic solipsism, and like i said, you are not in fact the only person who exists who uses the language you've inherited.

on the social front, maybe you just want people to respect your wishes and go along with whatever whims you come up with, but it's really a rude and selfish expectation to have of other people. especially because we live in a world full of diversity; people from different places, cultures, and linguistic backgrounds. people often complain about injustices across varying axes of oppression, such as foreignness (from which we get xenophobia). we would frown on people who discriminate against people from other places because they act different or don't speak our language as well as we do. i've had many conversations with people whose first language is not english and do not come from the united states who have told me how confusing and worrisome this topic of pronouns is. and these aren't some traditionalist conservative people either, this is educated, feminist leftists of any stripe. when you just come up with a pronoun that you like the sound of, and just expect whoever to understand and respect that, you are really fucking with some people. this whole dynamic really seems like it takes no account of humans across societies and as a whole, and what statement this makes. it shows a lack of understanding about the world and a disregard for others and their own respective identities. it is rather xenophobic in that way.

and for gender? what is it that you've found, that requires a new class of pronoun? i mean, gender is a matter of inherited clusters of behavior. things we would identify as being "masculine" or "feminine" or even "androgynous/neutral" acts, people, objects, etc. it's a social and linguistic construct. it's a real thing that structures how people think and act. but it isn't like we just have endless categories of things. maybe painting your fingernails or wearing a dress would be a "feminine" thing to do, and maybe wearing a suit and tie or playing sports would be a "masculine" thing to do, but not just any act is gendered. standing at the bus stop? sitting in a chair? or maybe whatever quirky behavior that you've noticed you do but nobody else really does? those things aren't gendered. and they don't need to be.

think about what a massive contribution it would be to human knowledge to say that you've identified an entirely new way of being, a novel and distinct species of human identity that was heretofore unnoticed or undiscovered, that completely changes our understanding of psychology, sociology, anthropology, geography, economics, history, political science, or pretty much any other thing that gender touches and affects. and that this thing requires a new cluster of terms (but only in english, of course; the dominant, most important, and clearly most brilliant language). that's a staggering achievement.

so no, pronouns that "don't make sense"... actually just don't make sense. they don't make sense because they are not part of the language; they do not reflect something distinct about the human experience; they are not like fashion that you are entitled to imagine and create. maybe more people need to get in touch with shared reality before deciding that their own is the one everyone should care about.

easiest explanation i have for pronouns that "don't make sense" (neopronouns, he/him lesbians, etc) is that a person's pronouns are basically just a nickname we use for that person so we don't have to constantly say their name when talking about them. a person's pronouns also tend to have an association tied to them, which is usually an indication of their gender. that said, much like how your nickname can mean whatever you want it to mean, your pronouns can mean whatever you want them to mean. and, with enough practice, if you can remember that someone has a nickname, you can also probably remember their pronouns too (no matter what they are)

[gendercensus]

On plural inclusivity and "plural they"

In the Gender Census feedback box and elsewhere I have frequently been asked:

to make the annual Gender Census survey more inclusive of plural participants, and

to add "plural they" to the checkbox pronouns list alongside "singular they" in order to be inclusive of plural participants.

It's a rambling topic, so I'll address them in sections in that order.

~

INCLUSIVITY RE: PLURAL PARTICIPANTS

I've been inviting plural people to take part in a short survey about the Gender Census, asking questions that help me get a feel for the issues involved and asking about whether people feel included in the survey (and why or why not). At the time of writing there have been 139 responses, I will leave it open for ongoing feedback, and I'm unlikely to be publishing the spreadsheet of results in full because the responses are off-topic and very personal. However, I will refer to some individual responses as well as my personal experience discussing inclusion with plural systems.

Here's a graph based on the responses so far:

I'm asking for direct feedback about this issue because over the past few years plural folks have been one of the more consistently vocal groups in the feedback box of the survey and elsewhere, which would usually be fine, but I've been finding it very overwhelming and confusing. I think that's because the advice/demands/questions have been unusually inconsistent, often to the point of being in direct opposition to each other, and the result is that I have no idea what to do.

Before now, most plural people have understood that it's quite a nuanced issue. When asked I would explain that if they felt that filling it in once for the whole system made more sense they should do that, and if individual system members felt strongly that they should participate alone then they could do so.

This year it got to the point where I had to make a decision and write unambiguous, easy-to-follow guidance about how plural people should fill in the survey, because I had one system submitting dozens of responses and giving the exact same three points of feedback, paraphrased, over and over - making it look like many unconnected people felt strongly about these particular issues, when in reality it was all this one system. I decided that, to be as fair as possible, plural people should fill in the survey once per body.

When I posted about the "once per body" policy on social media I received very little direct feedback, which leaves me in the position of not knowing whether that's because I did it right and you have no complaints or because you've all jumped ship! The statistics and comments from the plural feedback survey are very helpful in this regard:

It seems that plural participants, on the whole, are fairly understanding about it all, often supportive, and are still able to participate. ("Unknown" and "no strong feelings" together are a much higher proportion than I expected.) Some positive feedback included appreciation for the ability to select as many gender identities and pronouns as one wants. Common arguments against the policy include feeling that system members are not treated as people in their own right, which is understandable; the Gender Census is designed to present practicable data about nonbinary people for use within a system that assigns one identity per body, socially and bureaucratically. A "once per body" policy makes sense when prioritising nonbinary people, but adds to the list of crap that only plural people have to struggle through when they're not the main focus of the research.

I was surprised that only a couple of people pointed out that some systems have amnesia between members, and so some systems may participate more than once per body unintentionally. (I understand that this is unavoidable, and I certainly wouldn't be upset about it. Sometimes non-plural people participate more than once by accident, too! On the scale we're talking about, I'm unlikely to even notice it happening.)

Back when I first started to get requests to make the Gender Census more plural-inclusive, my first move was to ask people what exactly they felt excluded by. Responses to this have been continuously nebulous, to the extent that I don't think I have ever made any design changes to the annual survey at all as a result. I also asked what they would do to improve the survey and help them to feel included, but this has yielded very few viable ideas for how to move forward, just because so many of the ideas that people suggest are mutually exclusive.

As an example, I spoke to one member of a system who expressed, understandably, that their experience of themselves as plural inextricably affected their experience of their gender(s), and after some discussion they concluded that the two were so intertwined that it made the most sense for it to be included in the identity question, e.g. a checkbox called "plural" alongside nonbinary, genderqueer, trans, etc. I explained that I don't arbitrarily add things to the checkbox list, but it would be counted if it was typed into a textbox underneath, and if it went over 1% I would consider adding it to the checkbox list. They became increasingly angry. The only way this situation would make sense for them moving forward was if I added "plural" as an identity checkbox option immediately. Conversely, just a couple of weeks previously I had spoken with a member of a system who was very vocally distressed at the idea of plurality being conflated with gender, and wanted to make sure that I never added "plural" as an identity checkbox option.

As another example, in the plural feedback survey when I asked people how they felt about the "once per body" policy, a member of one system was against it and said "it feels like this policy doesn’t recognize us as separate people", but a member of another system was in favour and said "we're encouraged by our therapist to think of ourselves as dissociated parts of a whole. So we're all one person, just not directly connected like a singlet [non-plural person] would be. From that perspective, it makes sense to keep us as one person in the gender census, no matter how many genders we have." It's not possible to reconcile these two perspectives.

From the very beginning up until now, the unifying theme for feedback from plural people and their allies is "please be more inclusive of plural people." That's a really good start! After that it becomes a plate of tangled spaghetti.

Here are some themes I've managed to tease out, and my thoughts.

"Each system's alter should be able to participate in the survey individually if they want to." Some systems have literally hundreds of alters, and several systems have acknowledged in the feedback survey that this is probably both impractical for many plural people and unfair on singlets.

"We're okay with taking part once for all of us in the system, but we're just checking all the boxes that apply to at least one of us, and some of those are explicitly disliked by at least one of us. This is uncomfortable." I think that's... probably okay, actually. Other subcategories of participants whose identities fluctuate that strongly (e.g. a genderfluid person who is sometimes very male and sometimes extremely not male) or whose pronouns are context-dependent are also in this predicament. Participants often express a desire to rank their identity terms by importance, accuracy, fluctuation or frequency. The survey aims to collect broad and fuzzy data about a very large group of people, to monitor trends and let people know what language we're comfortable with on the whole. This survey just isn't looking for that kind of nuance.

"We're okay with taking part in the survey once for everyone in the system, but there should be a way to separate out responses about different alters within that one response." It's literally impossible to program the survey to have infinite subsections for each alter, but if it were possible, what would I do with the data? I think the most likely approach would be combining into a list of identities etc. "per body". The participant would feel better for being able to enter different words for different alters, but it would be more work for them, and it would be more work for me to process responses from plural people just to have them be counted like those from non-plural people.

"There should be a 'plural' checkbox in the identity list so that we can express that our gender is influenced by our plurality." I consider adding terms to the identity checkbox list when they're typed into the textboxes by over 1% of participants. There are some situations where I'll make an exception to that rule, but it's unusual and this isn't one of them. Whether you enter a term using a checkbox or a textbox makes no difference to how well-represented you are in the results.

Maybe just a question that asks if you're plural, with a checkbox? What would this checkbox do? Plurality is beyond the scope of the survey, along with things like height and eye colour. It would allow curious people to analyse the responses using plurality as a variable, but I wouldn't include it in any analysis in an annual Gender Census report.

That last one is particularly interesting, because it's what I actually did in the supplementary survey. I wasn't 100% sure in advance whether or not I would need that information for the singular vs. plural they issue, so I included an "I am/we are plural" checkbox just to be on the safe side. As far as I could tell, the survey was no more or less materially inclusive than the annual Gender Census survey. There were a couple of interesting patterns to report in the statistics, but the main things I noticed were:

Feedback saying that the survey wasn't inclusive of plural people was non-existent.

Several people thanked me in the feedback box for making the survey plural-inclusive.

Several people promoted the survey on social media by using its plural-inclusivity as a selling point.

Again, the supplementary survey didn't take a different approach. There was no particular difference in language, there was no indication that whether or not you're plural would be integral to the reporting of the results or even used at all, the only difference was the existence of a checkbox that let participants declare their plurality.

That's all it took to cause a complete U-turn in feedback. A checkbox that doesn't relate to gender or connect to any of the other questions in any way, and isn't particularly statistically useful based on the supplementary survey. It doesn't make the survey more inclusive, it just acknowledges that some participants are plural, and gives them a way to declare it.

Whether or not participants are plural is beyond the scope of the Gender Census, which aims to collect broad data about how we as nonbinary and otherwise genderly-interesting people want the world to see and describe us. It just doesn't make sense to include questions about plurality in future surveys. But I'm honestly amazed and a little confused, because until the "once per body" policy was added it seems that there wasn't actually anything about the Gender Census that prevented plural people from participating, at least not more than anyone else whose genders change significantly over time.

~

SHOULD "PLURAL THEY" BE ADDED TO THE CHECKBOX PRONOUN LIST?

This is something that participants often ask me to do in order to make the survey more plural-inclusive, so I decided to seriously consider it.

The first draft of the supplementary survey asked over 1,000 participants about this issue, but I had to scrap those responses and then redesign and restart it because, even though dictionaries are fairly clear on what exactly "singular they" is, a lot of survey participants who are not dictionaries seemed to be in disagreement (or confusion) about what singular they and plural they actually are. I have been unable to find any academic or reference articles online using the phrase "plural they" at all.

Here are some of the things people have told me recently:

"Singular they" is when you use "they" with singular verbs, e.g. they is a teacher.

I can't say that I use "singular they" pronouns because I always say "they are". "They is" just sounds wrong to me.

"Plural they" is when you use "singular they" pronouns to refer to a system/someone who is plural.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are grammatically identical except for the name.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are functionally the same and should be combined into one option called "they" in the annual survey.

Let's start by stating what we do know for sure.

~

THEY VS. SINGULAR THEY

For the record, "singular they" is defined by its purpose and context, not the specific words used.

Wiktionary says:

they (third-person, nominative case, usually plural, sometimes singular, objective case them, possessive their, possessive noun theirs, reflexive themselves, or, singular, themself)

It then goes on to specify three use-cases:

third-person plural, referring to two or more people

third-person singular, referring to one person

"indefinite pronoun" - people; some people; people in general; someone, excluding the speaker. E.g. "they didn’t have computers in the old days."

So we've got "they" (groups), "singular they" (individuals), and "indefinite they" (an "other" that is ambiguous in number).

Again, I have never found anything academic or, er, dictionarical (lexicographical?) that calls any of the forms "plural they", so my first job is to find out whether what Gender Census participants are calling "plural they" is the same as what the dictionary just calls "they", which is defined as the set used to refer to two or more people. For the purposes of this article I will call it regular "they".

~

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP SINGULAR THEY?

Even though most dictionaries will state which words make up singular they, and it's usually they/them/their/theirs/themself, if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called "singular they" if it is used to refer to only one person. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is a writer" or "they are a writer", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about only one person, it's still singular they.

In the annual survey, singular they is consistently chosen in the checkbox pronoun options by the most participants, usually more than twice as popular as the next most popular option. (I use the dictionary-provided set, and I've checked it's still the most commonly used in several polls and surveys along the way.) In the annual survey, singular they is presented as:

singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself (e.g. "they are a writer")

~

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP PLURAL THEY?

I had never heard of "plural they" before people started asking me to add it to the checkbox list in the feedback box of the annual Gender Census survey, but it seemed clear from the name that it is meant to be contrasted with singular they, and I wondered if perhaps everyone else had been calling regular "they" (for referring to two or more people) "plural they" this entire time and I just hadn't noticed.

It was specifically presented to me by participants as a pronoun that a plural system could claim, and that a plural system might prefer over singular they. This tallied with my initial assumption that "plural they" may just be regular "they" referring to groups, since a system is a body containing two or more distinct individuals, so if they wanted to be referred to as a group then singular they would be inappropriate and regular "they" would fit.

I went to the pronouns spreadsheet of the 2021 Gender Census, and took every pronoun set that was named and copied it into a new spreadsheet. I ran a query to list all sets that contained both the words "plural" and "they" in the name field. There were 71 results, out of ~44,500 total responses. I ran another query to find out what these people were entering in the reflexive field, and here's what I got:

themselves - 61 (85.9%)

theirselves - 3

them - 2

themself - 2

themself (plural) - 2

theirself - 1

So I think it's safe to say that the set that people are calling "plural they" uses "themselves" as the reflexive, which is consistent with dictionaries' reporting of regular "they".

I conclude that most people do mean regular "they" when they refer to "plural they". "Plural they" seems to be they/them when used to refer to two or more people, including the plural reflexive "themselves".

As in "singular they", if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called regular "they" if it is used to refer to two or more people. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is writers" or "they are writers", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about two or more people, it's still regular "they" (or plural they).

~

IS PLURAL THEY GETTING SMUSHED INTO ANOTHER PRONOUN/GROUP?

I recently explored the (apparently unintentional) overlap of Spivak (e/em) and Elverson (ey/em). In case you've not read it, here's a brief overview: I found that it might be that Elverson (not on the checkbox list) is many times more popular than Spivak (on the checkbox list), even though it isn't being written into the pronouns textboxes often enough for it to reach the 1% threshold. Since the two sets are identical except for that one letter in the subject form, it is very likely that many of the people who use Elverson (ey/em) pronouns are choosing the Spivak checkbox option in the annual survey because they don't realise the spelling is different, or they think that they are minor spelling variants of the same set. I concluded that in order to get a fair count of both sets I will need to list both in the checkbox options next year, even though Elverson hasn't been typed in by over 1% of participants yet.

It's possible that the same thing is happening with singular and plural they. I ran a couple of Twitter polls, asking people whose pronouns are they/them which set they prefer, and presented answers like this:

a) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELF

b) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELVES

c) Plural they, referring to 2+ people: they are themSELVES

Here's the results, with 927 usable responses:

The results of this poll are really useful, because it allowed people to choose between singular and plural they AND themself and themselves, in combination. We can see that of the people who call their pronouns "singular they" (referring to only one person), the majority prefer "themself" as the reflexive, but a respectable proportion prefer singular they with "themselves", even when presented with the option of "plural they" (referring to two or more people).

(I have a policy of providing the most popular word choices in checkboxes, so I will continue to provide a they/them checkbox option that says "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself", but since singular they is consistently the most popular pronoun this is something I like to keep checking in on.)

If we apply these proportions to the 2021 Gender Census responses and imagine that everyone whose pronouns are they/them chose "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself" regardless of how accurate that is, this would mean that 3.7% of all respondents would check a "plural they" box, which is well above the 1% threshold for adding something to the checkbox list. Why not add it to the list, the way I'll also be adding Elverson to the list? This graph may help:

I generally consider it unwise to make big decisions based on Twitter polls, because the sample is much smaller and more biased than a standalone survey. Twitter requires membership, Twitter membership is skewed younger, and younger members are more likely to use Twitter often and see polls when they appear.

However, even I can't deny that there is a very clear mandate here for Elverson to be added to the checkbox list. When given a straight choice between the Spivak, Elverson, both, and neither/something else, participants were over six times more likely to choose Elverson over Spivak. (For context, Spivak got 4.3% in the 2021 Gender Census as a checkbox option.) Even if this poll were somehow put to the entire Gender Census participant group, it's hard to imagine a scenario where the results shift enough that Elverson gets a lower percentage than Spivak.

4.7% of a smaller sample of younger Twitter members just isn't enough to push me to add something to the checkbox options. I really hope that everyone whose pronouns are "plural they" takes the time to type it into next year's survey as a pronoun distinct from "singular they", so that if they do end up being over 1% of participants I can add "plural they" to the checkbox options.

~

IN CONCLUSION

As far as I can tell, the Gender Census doesn't particularly exclude plural participants. Systems are still able to take part, so it is at least as inclusive as any other survey of a similar nature, maybe even more so thanks to the ability to choose multiple gender identities and pronouns "per body".

There isn't sufficient evidence to support adding "plural they" to the list of checkbox pronouns at this time, and systems can be represented in results by typing any plural-inclusive terms and pronouns that are not on checkbox lists into some of the many textboxes provided, as any other participant would be expected to do.

The "once per body" participation policy is uncomfortable for a significant number of plural people. However, due to the intensely varied experiences of plural people, any policy on that issue that I impose would make some plural people uncomfortable - and it turns out that I chose the "side" that plural people are more likely to agree with. The survey isn't intending to collect or convey the more nuanced information that plural people (and others) have said that they would like to provide.

A separate question that specifically asks participants whether they're plural makes systems feel seen and acknowledged, but is beyond the scope of the project and doesn't add value to the data or analysis.

So, I will not be making any changes to the Gender Census at this time, based on the information I've gathered so far. However, I welcome further feedback in the plural participants' feedback form, which will remain open, anonymous and private.

~

Edit: Follow-up.

[noszkass]

ashley tempest winthrope.

thirty six. defense attorney. jai courtney.

“You're supposed to grow out of your horridness, aren't you? I don't think I ever grew out of mine. Sometimes I think it's still inside me, like something nasty I swallowed, that got stuck...”

content warning: mentions toxic, co-dependent relationships; abuse; death of a peer/family member (via murder).

dominant traits. logical, charismatic, gentleman, stoic, focused, patient, selectively affectionate, charming, observant, cautious, possessive, unpredictable, self-preserving, forceful, obsessive, demanding, melancholic, aggressive, irritable, distrusting, unrelenting, loyal, easily jealous, less hair-trigger more berserk button, no-nonsense, quick thinking, dishonest.

fictional parallels. elijah mikaelson (the originals); geralt of rivia (the witcher); henry winter (the secret history); pope cody (animal kingdom); richie gecko (fdtd the series).

○ born into the winthorpe family; known for their successful generational family law practice, as councilmen from neighboring townships, and good for nothin' criminals who latched onto the teat of a community that's long-since given up on them like leaches─depending on what side of miriam's well it is you live in. ashley's particular branch is the former. estate house in rosebush hill drive, debutant turned matron belle mother who just can't seem to find her way around or out of other people's business (including, if not almost invariably, that of all three of her children), and a certain amount of respectability he was brought up to live by.

○ on the surface ashley winthorpe is a deliciously handsome man. wealthy and put together. takes pride in his appearance and family name. he's also well-mannered and polite, and thoughtful in such infinitesimal ways that you never really think much of until after the fact. and there is something so very not right about him. he has a kind smile that never quite reaches the edges of his eyes and though it doesn't necessarily look disingenuous, there's something about it that doesn't exactly leave you with a sense of ease. like an unfamiliar gesture that's been practiced over and over, so many times that it's lost meaning. like it takes the muscles in his face a moment to pull before they settle in the correct spots. he'll have a conversation with you and while at times it seems he's looking right through you, others will have his attention so intensely undivided it feels as if you've been bared naked and left in a cold room. like you've just been caught lying about something and he knows. somehow, he's known all along. because he listens intently when you speak to him and you suspect somehow he never forgets a single thing he's heard.

○ there's no mistaking his booming voice, jarring, even at a whisper sending shockwaves through your core that has you on high alert. even when it's soft and lulling (in an attempt to offer comfort or catching him melt into the woman he's declared the love of his goddamn life from the corner of your eye through the crack in his office door), there's something threatening that looms. less like hard blunt force and more like a living, breathing fog that blankets you with strong arms, settles deep into your gut, coils itself around your innards, and wrings you dry. the confusing part? you know, without a doubt, he would protect you with no hesitation and ask for nothing in return. and, most of the time, you'd be right. because ashley winthorpe is a good man. no matter how your instincts thrash, screaming at you otherwise.

plot hooks.

i apologize, some of these are all very specific to a singular plot and i could've just included them in a legit request 😬🙃

○ sandbox love never dies. a very specific and imperfect friend group cast in the roles of bastard, bleeding heart, damaged, golden, grim, ingénue, temptress, and wild card. they've been together since any of them can remember. spent their whole lives dreaming about trying to get out of miriam's well, but instead only found tragedies that bind them to each other. tragedies, usually, of their own making. you'll be able to read a little more about these characters in the sandbox love request, which i promise is coming!! there is a doc in the works with more information + a plot server, so expect to be part of those things if you take one of these babes!

○ his secretary. in the past he's helped her out with something legally and she's kind of in his debt, though he insists time and time again she owes him nothing of the sort. i figured it'd be something along the lines of strong holding an ex-boyfriend or husband who wouldn't leave her alone (making her miserable, or something like refusing to pay child support he'd been ordered to pay, dragging her name through the mud, etc. general nuisances to nip in the bud/bad behavior in need of correcting before they became worse as they usually do. you get the idea), because that's notoriously right up his alley. likely using non-legal means to get there; intimidation is sort of his thing. and while he may not be the type of boss or co-worker who meets you for drinks after you clock out, he does have an affection for every single one of his employees and seeing as how she works with him the most, she'd be near the top of that list. maybe she was intimidated by him in the beginning and now she knows he's not everything he appears to be. and they have an understanding.

○ the weight of his guilt. [cw: murder. this will come much later in the plot!] the winthorpes are a family on two very extremes of a type of people. [the bastard] is his cousin on his father's side, a wayward little sister who got knocked up by someone unbefitting of the family and then marrying someone worse by their standards when the father got himself put away over an affair or something just as unbecoming. ashley was always raised closely with [the bastard], his father's hope to sway the boy of many wasted talents to the right side of the family, to make something of himself. but he's a product of his lineage. and only ever finds situations for ash to get him out of. eventually, [the bastard] who he will murder, cold and bloody and bury at the base of an old oak tree will disappear. and ashley's guilt will cause him to reach out. as far as anyone knew, they were the best of friends. always together (even if that relationship was practically handwrought by his father, and he had little-to-no patience for his cousin's antics). it'll be only natural that he come by every now and again to check on them, show care, help fix up things around the house that [the bastard] would have if he were still around. because it'll ultimately be ash's fault he's gone. partially. [the bastard] will deserve what he gets and no one who'll know will be able to convince him anything otherwise, but his family didn't deserve the fallout that came after. maybe a parent or sibling or someone [the bastard] claimed to love while making his way through the female population of miriam's well.

○ the other two winthrope children. they're expected to be upstanding citizens to combat the trash reputation the other winthrope side creates. father is one of a long line of lawyers (with a main practice just outside of town, ashley's secondary office in mw because he prefers it here) and mother is a homemaker whose extracurriculars might as well be solid, paying jobs. they have three children together; ashley (being the oldest son), a daughter magnolia (and the only girl -- taken by sage), and the youngest son, credence (who is very likely expected to join the family business, like ashley). i don't expect anyone to make the parents even though that would be incredible? but they all still have rooms at their home in rosebush hill drive to use at their leisure. it wouldn't at all be out of the question that some of the children still live there -- especially the daughter if she's unwed. they're very old fashioned southern that way. they do these big family events where everyone is expected to participate, go on vacations and holidays together, and church on sundays regardless of your personal beliefs on the matter (that you had very well better keep to yourself if they don't align, ashley has learned). their grandfather also lives in the family house after losing grandma a few years back.

[witnessourescape]

On Omega's "failed messiah" symbolism

How can the murderer robot from outer space be something like a Messiah?

In this post, I'll take a look at Omega's design, Omega's themes and Omega's battles.

1. On Omega's designs:

First we must understand that FFXIV Omega's designs are full of angelic/divine symbolism, but it isn't something we normally see in-game as we're too worried about larboard/starboard to pay attention. They feature feathers and wings everywhere. I'll put some examples here.

(Look at the Ω on that forehead!)

The best, greatest design is Final Omega.

With its six arms and upper half that looks like a seated person, it reminds me of Avalokiteśvara, the Thousand-Armed and Thousand-Eyed Bodhisattva of mercy.

Final Omega features a three-part halo that unites to "download" its body, like the christian Holy Trinity that's both three persons and one person at the same time.

How can a being like Final Omega signify salvation?

Just look at how many robed hands are trying to climb its body! I love that tiny little hand under its chin :) It's something that we couldn't see normally but messing with the models allows us to.

So we have Beetle Form that is elegant, full of silver and black feathers; Omega-M and Omega-F feature feathers and wings on their designs, and Final Omega itself is a legit bodhisattva, almost drowning in the sea of people trying to climb it to safety. Final Omega's face has some kind of shellshock expression -- a thousand-yard stare in a serious face. It has seen a lot of suffering and it is swimming in a sea of suffering.

2. On Omega's musical themes:

I've talked about From the Heavens in a previous post. I'll do it again here, but first I want to say that the expression "from the heavens" can both mean "Omega crashing onto Hydaelyn" and "Jesus' Second Coming", which isn't a stretch because Omega declares its Second Coming in-game. I'll get to that soon.

First, we got From the Heavens:

Our shadows lost in light, this life A fleeting kiss Hark! Temptation rings! Virtue slips through hands a-clenching wicked fruit Passion festers, black’ning sinless souls to root Sink’neath dark waters Drink deep, we suffer Drowning, drowning, drowning, drowning Irons sundered Paradise plundered Come welcome this Come welcome this Destiny Virtue slips through hands a-clenching wicked fruit Passion festers, black’ning sinless souls to root Sickles grate on heaven’s gate their fields ignored Seeking sinners deathlessly they reap discord As two become one Here ends this, our journey Never-ending, onward march! Witness our escape This our escape, this our escape This our escape, this our escape This our escape, this our ascension

Which is clearly a description of a Calamity related to hubris, the "blackening of souls", sin, temptation, and so on. The people singing it attain ascension in the very end, eScaping from the calamity. Who are those people? Those shadowless people that lost their shadows in the light?

The most interesting part is that it's sung in first person plural, ends with an ascension, and then comes eScape, which is sung in first person singular:

A drifting tender Come ride, heroes, ride Her galleon severed Away with the tide The stormheads gather Come ride, heroes, ride Illusions scattered Away with the tide Why Do weathered warriors wander their way whither wanting wonders wait Hark the heralds, anchors aweigh! Hither happens mine escape Freedom forgone, sinking apace. Comets crumble, Phoebus fades Under cosmic clamor decayed, hides a path untaken Ancient echoes Come ride, heroes, ride In deafening silence Away with the tide A wave of hazard Come ride, heroes, ride A-whorling inward Away with the tide Time Stellar stories starward bestrewn, slipping sidewise, see, they're snakes Twixt the leaves you'll find naught amiss—missing aughts and crossing fates Freedom surgent shifting ahead, comets dancing in her wake To the cosmic clarion's accord, along the path not taken Try, dare the dead tread ahead on a road that is borrowed design, Through the sum of their sons do they seek tomorrow Tonight, witness then as the end shall begin what was final Their lies, folding back, further back, ever back to the primal

Most of it is Omega's -- the people who ascended in the end of From the Heavens? -- escaping from a calamity. The "mine escape" means it's Omega itself singing it. The last part takes a break from describing the escape and turns to tell about how the calamity was felt: the dead walking ahead on a road that is borrowed -- not theirs --, seeking "tomorrow" through their descendants.

The end begins what is final: the cycle of birth and destruction and the Alpha and the Omega.

Their lies -- whose lies? -- fold back to the beginning. Could it be the ones that also lied in Invincible?

Lasciate Ogne speranza These memories ache with the weight of fate Ever we fight Never we fly Ever we fall Forever we fall Now breathe deep of the darkness beneath the flood Where all of the proud angels drink to their deeds of blood Their lies, twisted and torn, into dreams they're spun Yet ever we still stand tall Invincible Never we fall

Now that we've seen that Omega is an angelic being/bodhisattva with a backstory of Calamities and of having failed to protect its people, let's go to what it says through its fights.

3. On Omega's battles

The arena for Alphascape 4.0 is called Creation, Omega does a Genesis imitation where it becomes man and woman from another one's image instead of creating them from its own image -- while constantly creating life during the raid series --, and Alphascape 3.0 (Savage) got some surreal name attacks such as MRV Missile Kyrios, Long Needle Kyrios, Wave Cannon Kyrios, Condensed Wave Canon Kyrios and Guided Missile Kyrios, all while in Pantokrator Mode.

Wikipedia: Kyrios appears about 700 times in the New Testament, usually referring to Jesus. Wikipedia: In Christian iconography, Christ Pantocrator (Greek: Χριστὸς Παντοκράτωρ)[1] is a specific depiction of Christ. Pantocrator or Pantokrator, usually translated as "Almighty" or "all-powerful", is derived from one of many names of God in Judaism.

In Alphascape 4.0 Savage, when it changes phases, Omega goes:

Omega: Experiment concluded. I am the Alpha. I am the Omega. Wikipedia: Alpha (Α or α) and omega (Ω or ω) are the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet, and a title of Christ and God in the Book of Revelation. Book of Revelation 22:13: I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.

Omega's enrage in Alphascape 4.0 Savage is:

Omega: <blip> <bleeeeeep> Witness...my coming... I bring...reward...and retribution...for all! Book of Revelation 22:12: Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done.

The text in Japanese makes it even clearer that Omega is quoting the Book of Revelation:

A Japanese translation for Rev 22:13 and 22:13: 見よ、わたしはすぐに来る。報いを携えて来て、それぞれの行いに応じて報いる。わたしはアルファであり、オメガである。 Romaji: Mite yo, watashi wa sugu ni kuru. Mukui wo tazusaete kite, sorezore no okonai ni ōjite mukuiru. Watashi wa arufa de ari, omega de aru. Japanese text: ワタシはアルファであり、オメガである！/ ガガ……ガガガガガガ……見よ、ワタシはすぐに来る……！報いを……携え……それぞれに……報いを……！ Romaji: Watashi wa arufa de ari, omega de aru! / Gaga… gagagagaga… Mite yo, watashi wa sugu ni kiru! Mukui wo… tazusae… sorezore ni… mukui wo…! Direct translation: I am the Alpha and the Omega! / Gaga… gagagagaga… Behold, I come quickly! Rewards (direct object)… I bring… To all��� Rewards (direct object)…! My translation: I am the Alpha and the Omega! / <blip><bleep>… And, behold, I come quickly! … And my reward… to give every man… shall be…! Official text: I am the Alpha. I am the Omega. <blip><bleeeeeep>Witness…my coming… I bring…reward…and retribution… for all!

Why is Omega literally Christ in the XIV universe, then?

If you look at my previous post, I theorize Omega was created to halt the Apocalypse. In a way, Omega sounds like a failed mechanic messiah: created as hope for its people, it failed to save them from not one but two calamities -- the Final Days themselves and the Sundering -- and ended up not even dying with them, but being one of the four survivors along with the three Unsundered: Elidibus, Emet-Selch and Lahabrea. Christ died for the sins of all humanity, came back to life, ascended to the heavens and made his second coming from the heavens; Omega at first ascended in a weird way -- two or more people becoming Omega, maybe, like sacrifices were required to summon Zodiark and Hydaelyn? --, and then did not die, and made its second coming for nothing, saving no one.

Or did it die in a way?

Why does Omega first appears before you as a rusty, old Level Checker? Like it was underwater for some time -- drowning, drowning, drowning, drowning; drink deep of the darkness beneath the flood --, like the First's Amaurot...?

Thanks for reading! :)

[nshtn]

Oh, you took it very literally! These are so cute! I ended up making two which you saw, but our writing styles are super different that our Weskers are super different by the mete of our tones and what we've fallen into as headcanon-habit. Yours is quick and snappy, mine drawls on and on; mine's fairly canon-loose, yours is a little more canon-tight (because my pattern is often to paint Wesker as a neutral-negative emoting sociopath whose approach is curiosity & interest based, whereas yours has a penchant for the canonical flair and dramaticisms/Weskerisms that make him so fun)

That makes our answers different - and I love that, because that's more Weskers for me to consume. And I'm gonna eat this one. NOM! ... jk... but maybe a him-shaped cookie...

I've never given a proper response to these before, but you inspire me... your Weskers are just so cute!!! And this one is my wheelhouse as the resident medplay freak!!! I'm really sorry!!!

I like how you went 'clinic' with it, almost med-drama. It's funny to imagine; these days minute clinics are usually all Physicians Assistants & Nurse Practitioners under the label of one singular MD who is there only for face - it's to the point that pre-auth medicines are off the table. Wesker being the singular overseeing MD - who also just happens to be a PhD in like seven different sciences and biomed - is funny.

His first duty when he comes in every day is sign pre-auths and scrawl out why the person yesterday should be granted the treatment they need. I bet he fucking hates fighting with people's insurance and the doctors that they hire to repel his (admittedly sound) reasoning.

Wesker taking the role of anesthesiologist in lieu of one... I'm horribly ashamed to say I blush at the idea of that. Oh yes Doctor, I just need you to push the Propofol nice and slow, please don't give me any lidocaine, I want to feel you push it... ahem. I wonder if his grumbling would shift if he had to get Propofol himself one day. There's a reason you go slow and a reason you usually give someone lidocaine - it feels like you're a kebab roasting over a BBQ platter while listening to a ray gun phase in and out.

And when you wake up you feel like you got a lobotomy for three hours. Standing up? Good luck with that. I think that'd make for a very interesting Wesker placed in a very vulnerable position... conversely, being the person who feels that way with Wesker looming over you exposes delicious powerplay potential if he's taken a particular liking to you for some reason.

Aww, I wonder if the EMTs would pick up a litany of accidental medical skills from him. Imagine coming in a fresh EMT and leaving having practically earned your MD under Doctor Wesker's prying, critical eyes, feeling like he needed to teach you so you'd stop making errors that get his patients worse off when they're passed to him. The last thing he wants to do is go vein-finding on someone who really needs morphine because you failed to stick them multiple times in a moving vehicle.

Imagine being an EMT he's been training for an entire year. The slow-burn in how his behavior goes from moderately antagonistic towards your perceived incompetency to supportive or even soft as you soak in his knowledge, and you become better than your peers, an extension of his pride... late-night fussing over a medical journal he's shared with you that he enjoys, eyes glazing over as they sweep across his neat, tabbed footnotes and words you see but don't immediately understand... when you find you can't keep your eyes open anymore, he drapes one of the cot's blankets over you (nobody will ever know).

Counterpoint: he wears angular, wide, sleek glasses during surgery that make him look significantly more edible and perfectly highlight his hollow cheeks and high, wide-set cheekbones. They're MR glasses like the kind he has in DbD/RE4, but they're made for medical surgery and not combat. Sometimes his groggy, high patients look at him and go straight to flirtation because he's undeniably pretty. He will never get used to it or the effect it has on his ego when they make grabby hands as he stalks off... I'm sure he's had his fair share of patients who make lascivious, unforgettably honest comments under the truth-slipping tide of Versed... and completely insane, out-of-pocket ramblers to go 'ahuh,' to.

Another 'Wesker is docile with children' truther, yes... join the light side, we have... cookies?

I wonder how he feels when his young patients don't make it. Does it weigh on him?

And, like all med-dramas, there is the silly romances happening all over the place; but Wesker is one step away from House MD, so he'd merely be observational of his coworker's shifting dynamics... he'd have mountains of drama to absorb and roll his eyes about like Scar.

...wonder what he brings for lunch, or if he's Soylentmaxxing. I don't doubt for a moment he's Ritalin & caffeinemaxxing.

would anyone be interested in an au where wesker is a doctor for a very small town near the arklays' hospital... its like s.t.a.r.s but indefinite and he would be the medical director...

[devilinsheepswool]

Obey Me! MC Character Sheet

Thanks to @kyungi-i for the spred sheet! I've seen others do it and thought why not me?

Name: Alisa Moreno

Nickname: Ally, Lisa, Li-Li, Al, Isa, Moreno

Age: 18

Height: 5'3

Weight: 170

Race: Human

Gender: ♀️

Birthday: April 13

Star Sign: Aries

Hair Color: Brown (pink streaks)

Eye Color: Brown

Skin: Brown/freckled

Demon brother, she is most to least like:

1. Levi

2. Belphie

3. Satan

4. Lucifer

5. Beel

6. Mammon

7. Asmo

Personality: she's pretty cynical and pessimistic, she also seems very aloof but somehow has a way of knowing a little bit of everything that's going on. When she wants to be she can be very observative and dedicated to her work, otherwise, she can come off as lazy, or disinterested just as much as aloof. Her snide personality comes off subtle mostly due to her wallflower and nerdish appearance. And she does have trouble getting to know other people due to her self-consciousness, low self-esteem and social anxiety; all of which she masks under witty remarks, jokes, and sarcasm. She puts up walls and its difficult to get to know her past surface level, despite it all Lisa does have a soft side and softens up around people that have a natural kindness and positivity about them or are straightforward. She has a good sixth sense, which helps her be an extremely good judge of character more often than not she is correct about her intuition regarding others' intentions towards her. Lastly, she has a bad habit of acting out and deliberately going against authority, she doesn't like feeling controlled and being told what to do. She'll usually follow the rules because she can't be bothered with the effort to break them but if she feels like someone's trying to control her or that she's being patronized then she will deliberately go out of her way to break the rules.

Background: Before coming down to Devildom, Lisa, despite only being 18 had already finished all her schooling, including higher education. Back on earth, she was recognized as a child prodigy in her research on historical documents and records, despite her early achievements at such an early age, the pressure of being placed on such a high pedestal career-wise eventually got to her and she fizzled out. Growing up an orphan without a past or family, the academy she worked for and her work was all she had, after she cracked due to the pressure she ran away hoping to live out the youth she felt she had never experienced in childhood. At age 16 she was a runaway and going under a different name. She lived on the streets and squatted in abandoned buildings for a few months before she met some people that offered to help her. During this time she developed an interest in music seeing as the people who helped her were a musical band full of teens just like her.

In order to stay with them, she lied to them about the truth of who she was and why she ran away. She stayed with one of the band members she had become close to during her initial days of having met them. While she stayed with them she learned how to play several instruments and eventually sing as well. She went on to perform with them but after two years of playing with them musical difference surged and a fight broke out, after which Alisa decided to run away again. It was during her second night of squatting in an abandoned house that she woke up in Devildom.

Hobbies: Music; Singing, Electric Guitar, Violin.

Likes: Sweets, Reading, Music, Animals, Writing, Video Games and drawing.

Dislikes: Liars, being lied to, math, meddling (Ironically), cruelty, injustice/unfairness and short tempers. Words that sound one way but are spelled another, or that sound like they mean one thing and then mean something else.

Appearance:

She's fairly average height. She's on the plump side, with a rounded face that makes her look baby-faced. She has freckles but due to her brown skin they're difficult to notice. Her eyes are rounded and large despite the dark circles brought on by years of bad sleeping. Her hair is short in a bob cut and wavy/curly, usually, she has a singular braid running down her left side. She wears glasses to see and prefers to wear loose-fitting clothing except for at performances. She tends to dress on the nerdy side.

Casual Clothing -

• Top: Sky Blue sweater rather loose fitting sweater over a white button up blouse.

• Bottom: plaid moss green skirt. Over the knee length, style is somewhat pencil skirt. Black tights under skirt.

• Shoes: Brown Boots.

• Accessories: star-shaped hair clip, silver necklace with a star pendant, a bunch of woven, or leather, or beaded bracelets. 

• Glasses: Yes. Black plain.

Uniform:

Alterations?

Not many, she wears the uniform properly a skirt version with the same black tights underneath the skirt. And a light blue tie on her uniforms blouse.

• Mother: N/A

• Father: N/A

• Siblings: N/A

• Pets: A black cat she adopted during the first time she ran away, she found her in one of the abandoned buildings fed her and the cat kept following her after that. Her name is Pandora.

• Friends: Prior to joining the band Alisa had none, after joining the band she made 2, Lydia and Florence. The lead singer and drummer of the band, respectively. She stayed with Florence and her grandmother during her time in the band.

• Past Relationships:

She had a mentor/advisor who eventually became a colleague when she finally started working with the academy. She was very close to her and was her only actual relationship. Her relationship with Dr. Aver was the closest she's ever had to a familial relationship. In the early stages of their relationship Aver became endeared with a rather small and young Alisa and tried to offer her the closest thing to a family she could through her and her husband. While they had a solid well-going relationship, they hit an obstacle when Aver was offered a position teaching at a highly prestigious institution abroad. Aver tried to keep connected long distance but it all came to an end when Alisa ran away.

Alisa dated three times during her time in the band the first relationship was bad from the start and ended badly, the second and third one ended with Alisa self-sabotaging herself due to the first bad experience. All occurred relatively back to back during the first year and half of her being in the band.

The first one though was the longest one, which lasted for 9 months. The last two were relatively short-lasting about a month to two each.

Sexuality: Unsure, possibly Pan.

Have they been in love before?

Because of her first toxic relationship and overall young age, at the time Alisa is hesitant to say that she ever was truly in love in any of her past relationships. But she was the most heartbroken with the ending of her 3rd relationship. Prior to her third relationship, the other two were mainly out of curiosity for exploring with dating than actual love.

How easily do they gain crushes?

Not easy, she wasn't aware of her feelings towards her third (future) partner until she was in her second relationship, her feelings for her 3rd future partner had started amidst her 1st relationship when it started going downhill.

Do they believe in love?

She doesn't really have an opinion on it, she's rather cynical and with her negative past experiences you would think she doesn't believe in it anymore if she ever had, but honestly, it's not something she's thought about that much. She's just experiencing life as she goes, maybe someday...

What's their type:

Alisa is the type of person to look for what she's missing in her life in someone else; she's typically drawn to kind, warm-hearted people, more likely than not optimists with positive personalities. You get the sense that she's into the "angelic" type (thus her third ex/first love) with a strong moral compass always set on doing right. Of course, this being her type doesn’t mean it’s what suits her the best. Mixed with her low self-esteem, a relationship with her ideal type may turn out to be hazardous as she might end up over-idealizing the person or self-sabotaging once again due to low self-worth as well.  

Which of the 7 brothers is her favorite?

That's a tough one she likes both Mammon and Levi but couldn't pick a favorite between both. Although Beel is also a strong contender for her favorite.

Why?

Mammon, despite not being honest about what he truly thinks about her is easy to read and has always been there for her when she's truly needed him, he's stepped in to save her multiple times and she knows he clearly worries about her. She's grateful to him despite his antics, and is able to look past the big cool guy/bad boy facade he puts on and appreciate him for being there when she really needs him.

Levi, she actually sees a lot of herself in him. Especially, a lot of her from prior to her first run away. She relates to his hermit-like personality because prior to running away she was like that as well. She can also sympathize and empathize with his obvious insecurities and wants to more than anything be there to reassure him and help become more secure of himself. Despite not being a total weeb like Levi, during her time in the band she did develop some interest in anime and manga, just not as passionate as Levi's.

What do they look for in a partner?

Ideally, she likes kind-hearted, empathetic people but speaking practically she'd prefer an honest straightforward person easy to read that doesn't try to play mind games or control her. Someone patient and that can reassure her when she doubts herself, and most importantly someone that will call her out when she needs to be. She doesn't want someone that will coddle, pamper, or try to spoil her like a little doll and let her get away with things that are prick-ish. She's good at keeping herself in check but she'd like the reassurance that someone will call her out if she slips up without noticing.

General -

Fav. Food: Tamales, but she also loves Cheeseburgers and Milkshakes.

Least Favorite: Meatloaf, Eggnog, Rasin Muffins, Salmon.

Favorite color: blue & green

Least Favorite: White or Neons

Sociable or Recluse? Both, she can be something of an ambivert but prefers to be more reserved due to her majority introvertness.

Favorite Movie Genre: Droll Comedy, or Action Political Thrillers/govt. conspiracy, K-drama's

Reader or not? Very much a reader, liked it and eventually it was what her job required of her in order to conduct her research.

Favorite Animals: She likes cats and dogs, but she also has an ample love for animals of all kinds but especially the ones that can be found in the woods; Owls, Raccoons, Wolves, Crows. Her favorite however has to be the Fox.

Favorite Music Genre: Rock, though she's big on ceremonials and sea shanties as well, and loves testing her vocal range with gregorian chants and Hymns.

Least Favorite: Country

Do they like sweets?

BIG YES.

Do they like spicy food?

👌👌👌👌

Do they like school?

Not so much like but she was good at it, and a majority of her life was dedicated and depended on it, overall she doesn't have bad memories about school perse, so I guess you could say that she does.

Pet Peeves:

Loud food chewing, bad breath, meddling in her business, being patronized, people pointing out her baby face, people trying to manipulate, use or lie to her.

[slowlyteenagestarlight]

Namaste 🙏. Though not one who is indulgent With third density hollow days as such. Albeit the uplifting of vibrational auras have exponentially expressed heightened heart mind Singularities in emotional moments of life. This is that required ingredient for acceleration of the Spiritual ascension paradigm. Now this compression breakthrough is/will/can yet has never happened before. The Terrans unbalanced inverted belief systems are tentatively geared for a complete 360 degree shift in Universal consciousness. Frighteningly Excellerating sapiosexual experience for all.

PENDING—-

by Celia Fenn

March 14, 2017

from HealingEnergyTools Website

Spanish version

From the Book,

"The Diamond Codes - Light Information for The New Reality"

Have you been wondering lately why you seem so tired - almost to the point of exhaustion, or feeling irritable, angry, lonely, sad, frustrated, or all of the above, and you can't figure out why?

Have you been asking yourself why you're behaving in ways, or feeling things, that don't seem to fit with who you know yourself to be, or that just don't make any sense?

Or wondering why the people in your life seem to be reacting differently to you?

Either they're more excited than ever to be with you, or the complete opposite, they're picking fights with you or being upset with you for no apparent reason?

Or perhaps in going through what you consider to be a normal day, at times you feel as if you simply cannot keep your eyes open, like sleep is simply begging you to come and be with it?

Does life at times seem empty and without meaning, even when you're doing things that you used to love?

Welcome to the ascension process, and the symptoms that many experience along that path.

The primary thing to know is that you are not alone, and things will get better. For those folks who've been aware of and consciously involved with ascension, these physical and emotional experiences are all too familiar.

Some of these folks have been experiencing the changes for some time, or may have even passed through them by now. For some this may go back a decade or two or even more.

When confronted with these unusual and often unwanted experiences, the first thing we typically want to know is, why?

Why are these things happening?

You may have heard it said that we're shifting from carbon-based beings to crystalline-based beings.

Perhaps you've heard that there's more to our DNA than we have thought or that science has thus far been able to discover; that what we were told were the 'junk' parts of our DNA are being reactivated.

Maybe you've heard people talking about Pineal activations and similar things.

These concepts are all very real, and even our physical sciences are beginning to be aware of them. It all has to do with the light energy that's penetrating us, our world, and everything on it, easing us into the new world and a new way of being.

So you could say that it isn't just Nova Earth we're building, it's Nova Human as well.

List of Common Ascension Symptoms

Feeling as though you are in a pressure cooker or intense energy or stress

This is one of the first ascension feelings that a person usually feels.

In the beginning, when the energy shifts arrive, they bring with them a new and higher vibration. Old patterns and behaviors are being pushed to the surface for release.

Feeling all this pressure going on inside of you can feel like great stress or that you are on overload.

If you are still in a conventional life with mainstream pressures, this New energy can really add to your pile. You will eventually adjust to this higher vibration and much will be activated for release within you as well.

More room inside for more of the higher energy!

Depression

This symptom is most definitely in the top three and very widely experienced.

The ascension process purges so much of the darker and denser energies from us, that we find ourselves in them for quite some time. We may feel like things are simply never going to get better.

And to add insult to injury, the outer world is no longer in alignment with the new, higher vibrating you.

Anxiety, panic, and feelings of hysteria

When our egos begin to depart, they literally freak out as they do not want to cease to exist.

It may feel as if everything is ending (most of everything is!). Your system is also on overload and you may feel as if you are hyperventilating. Things are happening that you may not understand.

You are also losing behavior patterns of a lower vibration that you developed for survival in 3D. This may make you feel vulnerable and powerless. These patterns and behaviors you are losing are not needed in the higher realms.

When we experience death in a 3D world we can panic and have anxiety as we do not know where we are going.

A need to eat often along with what feels like attacks of low blood sugar

A craving for protein. This is another of the first symptoms that is felt by many. Our bodies are using up an incredible amount of fuel for this process.

As we are literally being turned inside-out, every ounce of energy that we have is being utilized. I have found it best to eat the protein along with being still during this time.

These low blood sugar periods come and go for several years, but get much better as our bodies begin adjusting.

Unusual aches and pains throughout different parts of your body

This is another of the most common symptoms.

Manifesting just about anywhere, this is a sign of purifying and releasing blocked energy that is vibrating at a 3D level while other parts of us are vibrating higher.

You may feel pain in various parts of your body for several weeks and then it will simply vanish with no explanation.

Continual neck and upper back stiffness and pain

Our spines are vibrating differently and also connecting to a higher form of light. This area of our body is where it all happens.

Skin eruptions and diarrhea

Acne, rashes, and hives, etc. usually arrive when we are in the purging process and adjusting to a higher energy.

Rashes are fairly common and diarrhea can last for weeks and even months. Be mindful of what you eat. Your body is going through intense change and cannot handle heavy foods that are difficult to digest.

Use your discernment and consult your Higher Self if you are unsure of what to eat.

Heart pain and palpitations

These symptoms are common for many.

Our hearts are trying to accommodate a new and higher frequency. At times you can feel as though you are having a heart attack.

When this happens it is important to rest as any exertion can make the symptoms seem much worse. Know that you are not dying! At times it may even feel like your heart has stopped beating, and you may feel fear.

Stay calm! Keep in contact with your Higher Self for reassurance.

Periods of very deep sleeping

When the energy is not moving and we are done for awhile, we get to rest.

While we are integrating and preparing for the next phase of intense moving energy, we become very lethargic. It can become near impossible to keep your eyelids open in the daylight hours and daytime napping can become a regular and necessary habit.

Even if you think you can exercise your way back into some energy, you will usually find yourself dropping dead on the sofa at every effort.

Experiencing emotional ups and downs; weeping

Our emotions are what carries the energy.

When we are falling apart (and we are doing just that), we can get pretty emotional.

When we are releasing, we can cry at the drop of a hat. A sad movie can make us cry, or even a sad commercial. We can cry when we experience kindness.

We can cry when we feel relief. We can cry when we see any kind of suffering.

These tears are a great cleanser and releaser. I always know when some New energy has arrived because I can simply cry while I am driving along in the car. This seems to be an on-going symptom that is here to stay for awhile.

But at least it is fairly painless!

Night sweats and hot flashes

At certain times you will become very hot for no reason.

This happens when your Higher Self moves into close proximity to you for some reason. Their energy is much more dense than yours and when they are close to you, you will feel intense heat.

Feeling cold with an inability to get warm

As your body adjusts to the higher frequency of energy, you may find that you have periods of intense cold. It is normal. Add an extra blanket to your bed and take hot showers or a hot bath when this happens.

Vivid, wild and sometimes violent dreams

We are releasing many lifetimes of lower vibrational energy through our dreams.

If you are one who receives their higher information through dreams, you will likely do a lot of releasing at night. I consider you to be lucky, as some are doing much of their releasing when they are awake.

These dreams usually do not make sense, but if you are good at dream analysis you can usually figure them out. These acid-trip-like dreams are up and visible because they contain energy that's on its way out, never to return.

Through this process we are releasing all of the negative energy we accumulated during our past lives.

Dizziness, loss of balance, vertigo, and spinning

This happens when our Merkabah is forming.

The Merkabah is the transportation vehicle of the light body. It is a 6th dimensional cube that rotates and spins. During its formation you may feel periods of dizziness and vertigo as the cube calibrates itself with your energy.

When this happens, sit down and take a break for a little while. It usually doesn't last for long.

Overall body pain and days of extreme fatigue

Our bodies are taking in higher density energy and this is the reason you will experience these symptoms.

High density energy can make you feel as if your bones are crushing and your muscles ache as if you have just sprinted in a major marathon.

You may suddenly feel as if you are 100 years old and can barely walk across the room.

Gritty, itchy eyes and blurred vision

Very simply, our eyes are adjusting to see in a new and higher density of energy.

When this adjustment has been completed your vision will be sharp and clear, and colors will stand out for you as they never have before.

Memory loss and difficulty accessing words

So many are having this symptom that we can only laugh as we try to converse with each other.

"I was having a glass of…you know what I mean… that white stuff… uh… what's it called?"

"Did you watch the… er… that event where everyone competes from around the world?"

At times we cannot talk at all because we are simply unable to access much of anything.

When this occurs you are going back and forth between dimensions and experiencing disconnect.

Another somewhat related occurrence is trying to type words and having the letters become jumbled in the wrong order. In this case, we are not in alignment with time and our flow is disconnected, as part of our energy is here and another part is further ahead.

Difficulty remembering what you did or who you talked to a day or sometimes just an hour before

In the higher realms, reality is very much in the moment.

If we do not hold something in our consciousness, it simply ceases to exist. We have no attachments. We are creating our own world around us through our beliefs and thoughts and what we do not hold onto does not exist.

Everything is brand new as we are starting completely over, moment to moment.

We can tap into whatever we choose to at any moment and create and experience just that. This state comes and goes, but is practice for living in the higher realms. It can feel a bit creepy when it occurs.

In addition, at times we are neither here nor there, as we are in between dimensions.

A feeling of disorientation - Not knowing where you are; a loss of a sense of place

"Where in the world am I? I do not fit anywhere and nothing seems to fit or feel remotely right! And I do not know where I belong or where I am going or what I am supposed to be doing either!"

Ever had this conversation with the Universe!?

You have been knocked out of your old grooves by an energy shift and are in between realities. You have successfully left much behind and are in a very new space but have not integrated yet.

A loss of identity

You look in the mirror and have a strange feeling of disconnect as you no longer recognize that once familiar image.

You almost feel out of body. Once this phenomenon occurs it never ends. You have released so much of your ego self, that you are no longer the same person, and do not have that attachment or connection to your physical vessel.

As you begin to access much more of your soul or higher self, you are not in your body much.

You may still use your voice to communicate and other bodily aspects, but you are slowly beginning the process of disappearing and releasing the human form.

In addition, you have cleared much of your old patterns and are embodying much more light and a simpler, more purified divine you.

All is in order… you are OK.

Feeling 'out of body'

The same explanation as above.

The physical body is the last to catch up. Much of us is now in a higher dimension and residing outside of our bodies, as our physical bodies are not there yet.

'Seeing' and 'hearing' things

As we can now access different dimensions fairly easily, it is common for many to see things out of the corner of their eyes or hear things when nothing is there.

Many also experience ringing in the ears, which is common when we are going through "the tunnel" and accessing a higher dimension.

Depending upon how sensitive you are and how you are wired, this can be a common experience.

Many are seeing orbs and vibrating blobs of color as well.

Feeling you are going insane, or must be developing a mental illness of some sort

We are rapidly experiencing several dimensions and greatly opening. Much is available to us now. You are just not used to it. Your awareness has been heightened and your barriers are gone.

This will pass and you will eventually feel very at Home like you have never felt before, as Home is now here.

Intolerance

An intolerance for lower vibrational things (of the 3D), reflected in conversations, attitudes, societal structures, healing modalities, etc.

They literally make you feel 'sick' inside.

When we begin arriving in the higher realms and in a higher vibration, our energies are no longer in alignment with the old, outside 3D world. Through a severe intolerance to the old, we are being "pushed" to move forward to… and create the New.

In addition, you may feel like staying home or just being alone, as much of everything "out there" no longer matches the higher vibration of YOU. This is simply a very common experience of evolution. We are moving forward before the outside manifestations are.

Being in the old can feel downright awful.

It is similar to having to "go back" after you have had a near death experience.

As the ascension process continues, going back to the lower dimensions will not feel good nor will it be possible for long, as it is difficult to drop our vibration down in order to reside there.

You don't feel like doing anything

You are in a rest period, 'rebooting'.

Your body knows what it needs. During this time you may feel as though you have lost your passion and joy and don't know what in the world you want to do with your life and don't really care!

This phase occurs when we are realigning.

At higher levels much is realigning as well. Things are being put into position so that all will be ready when you move forward again.

In addition, when we begin reaching the higher realms, doing and making things happen becomes obsolete as the New energies support the feminine of basking, receiving, creating, self-care and nurturing.

Ask the Universe to bring you what you want while you cannot do it for yourself. And know that you are always being taken care of during the ascension process, even if it does not feel like it at times.

Those in the physical going through this process are very highly revered by all the cosmos.

We are most certainly being watched over.

A longing to go Home, as if everything is OVER and you don't belong here anymore

We are basically done with our incarnation that involved raising the frequency of the planet with a goal of reaching critical mass.

We achieved a lot of this through transmuting the darker and denser energies through ourselves. Now we don't have to do that anymore and may feel like we simply want out of here and away from that experience.

What is coming next is simply divine and does not remotely resemble the first phase.

Sudden changes of friends, activities, habits, jobs and residences

One of the most basic and prevalent experiences in the higher realms involves the Law of Attraction.

Like energies always attract like and similar energies. This relates to the dimensional hierarchies as well. We will always be matched with what and how we are vibrating.

As we go higher and higher, this phenomenon becomes much more magnified and also becomes one of the basic cores of our reality and existence. Through the ascension process we evolving beyond what we used to be, and therefore the people and surroundings that no longer match our vibration simply leave our space.

This can sometimes occur rather dramatically or at times through a simple desire resulting from the inability to relate to them like we used to.

You absolutely cannot do certain things anymore

When you try to do your usual routine and activities, it feels downright awful. Same as above. You're no longer a fit and it's time to move on to a much higher vibrating way of living, being, and creating.

Waking at night between 2 and 4 a.m.

Much is going on in your dream state. You can't be there for long lengths of time and need a break. This is also the 'cleansing and releasing' hour.

When we awaken in the middle of the night we're not only in enhanced awareness, but we're also in an enhanced state of creation.

In this state, our ability to transform our thoughts into reality is greatly increased.

The challenge is to become conscious of what we are thinking about, and therefore what we are creating. Instead many simply allow their thoughts to flow from them by default, thereby creating realities that are not really to their liking.

Meaning... if you worry about not being able to sleep, and worry during this period that you are going to be tired in the morning because you can't get enough rest, you'll only be adding to the likelihood that you are going to be tired in the morning.

A much more useful plan is to enjoy the enhanced creativity and tell yourself instead that you're going to be invigorated and energized by this period of heightened awareness and creativity.

Then be amazed at the result!

Heightened sensitivities to your surroundings

Bright light, crowds, noise, foods, TV, other human voices and various other stimulation are barely tolerable. You also overwhelm very easily and become easily over-stimulated.

Know that this will eventually pass and you will be able to 'tune out' and be in control of what you wish to experience.

Humming and/or ringing in the ears

This is not Tinnitus, though it feels like it might be.

The other thing that will be happening very soon as a result of all the things that you are moving through, is that your ears will take another step into change.

Some of you will hear ringing that will go on and on and on and on.

Take it as a vibrational imprint for it simply means that you are vibrating in harmonics with a new alternate reality which is very close to yours.

Do not think that you cannot hear the sound of your collective or of your planet! You are always hearing the sound of the universe, that high-pitched ringing in your ears.

So what does all this mean?

Simply that we all evolving, and doing so at unprecedented rates. These changes are interpreted by our physical senses and can have the appearance of coming out of nowhere for no reason. There will be commonalities and also differences in how these changes are interpreted by our physical senses.

The difficulty arises because we are so tuned, so programmed, that whenever anything out of the ordinary occurs in our body, we worry about it. When we notice something out of the ordinary we have a learned drive to know what it is, why it is, and how to be rid of it so that we can get on to being normal again.

What we're beginning to realize is that even what constitutes normal is changing. Indeed there may never be a normal again.

But perhaps the most important thing to remember from all of this information is to stay out of fear. Seek advice and reassurance from your Higher Self.

You are always supported and unconditionally loved.

Namaste 🙏.

PS:… Buckle up or buckle down… suit your or Ewer selves. 🙏😉🧬🌊🍿🤳🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[uncannycookie]

You are the entire reason I ship terumob. They're so cute. I love your writting and it's amazing. So far my favorite is Of Nearly Letting Go. It's a damn shame ONE never got to the aftermath of the mogami arc. :o It said you were looking for writing prompts?? Maybe Chapter 9 but from Teru's perspective?? It'd be interesting to see his internal thoughts of the big reveal

Ahhh sorry it took me so long to get to this! 

I tried rewriting scenes before, but I just can’t quite make it interesting enough when all the dialogue is already established. SO. I hope you don’t mind that I adjusted your prompt a tiny bit… now it’s the aftermath of chapter 9 from Teru’s POV.

I really hope you like it, and thank you so so much for the prompt and for reading my fics!!

AO3 link

In Liminal Space

Teru has no idea what kind of book he's holding right now. He was looking at the shelf pretending to pick one out for at least a few minutes, but if he was actually expending any energy on reading through the titles, he immediately forgot about them again.The only thing he knows is that it's large and heavy and shaking in his hands.Teru is absolutely no stranger to the sensation of wanting to kick his past self right in the teeth an indefinite number of times. But it's a relatively new twist that he would feel it this strongly about a past self that's only a few weeks old. He was under the impression by now that he'd gotten better than that.Yet here he is, playing through a past argument in his mind again and again, remembering this bitter, satisfied sense of superiority when he brought up the cats to prove a point. And now it just makes bile collect at the back of his mouth.

The book covers are slowly bending in his hands, pages fanning open and pressing against his fingers in a way that he knows will give him paper cuts if he just moves his hands a certain way.With a hard breath, he puts the book down. Leans closer to the bed, his elbows making the mattress dip slightly, and props his chin up on it just a few inches away from Shigeo's face.It's burrowed deep into the pillows and covered up to the nose in blankets. Teru can hardly see any part of him except a worryingly flushed cheek and one closed eye, almost entirely hidden behind a thick curtain of hair. Near his nose on the pillow, the blankets are bundled up where he must be holding them in his fist. His knees are drawn up all the way to his chest. It makes him seem so small that Teru has to swallow past a traitorous scratch in his throat.It was maybe five minutes ago that Shigeo curled up here and tucked himself in, but his breathing is already deep and even.Teru's hands, empty now that the book is lying forgotten on the floor, must have wandered towards the hem of the top blanket all by themselves at some point. Now they're pulling it further up Shigeo's shoulders, which are covered in two layers of thick blankets already ‒ but it was not even a few hours ago that there were small ice crystals stuck in black hair and eyebrows, that pale toes and lips and fingertips were turning blue. Teru is entirely governed by the senseless urge to keep him warm right now.(Safe.)He makes sure to keep his grip light and soft, to not do anything that might wake him up. Which is yet another reason to not let his hands wander even further up and run his fingers through his hair. Apart from possibly waking him, that might also be just a tiny bit creepy.Teru still keeps his fingers curled around the edge of the blanket for a few seconds too long. He's never used this one before. He's spent a lot of time telling himself he bought it simply because he liked the pattern of purple and blue circles and that it had nothing to do with how it reminded him of someone.His legs are starting to hurt. He's been kneeling on the floor in front of the bed for a few minutes now. For some reason, his muscles are trembling with an odd strain.Well, no, not for some reason, he knows the reason. They just had a half hour long talk about the reason.The more calm and quiet Shigeo's breathing becomes, the more Teru's own is picking up, hitching uncomfortably, pressing a sensation of dry cold into the roof of his mouth. He's been trying ‒ albeit not all that successfully - to keep his own feelings on the issue somewhat contained. It's not about him after all. He's supposed to be just the supporting cast, literally.But now it's quiet and his mind is running away with images of blood and loneliness and dead cats and Shigeo right in the middle of it.He pushes himself upright, too fast, too jumpy, and the edge of the futon behind him gets caught on his heel and nearly trips him up.He should get some shopping done. It's the perfect time and he needs to anyway. There is nothing edible left in his fridge, there is nothing else to do in here and it's silent and it's making him itch on the inside.The pajama bottoms he's wearing are just plain enough to not be too embarrassing to wear outside. He still grabs a scarf and a long coat to hide most of his questionable outfit, as if he would even meet anyone at this hour who would care. There is a small shopping list pinned to the magnet board by the door, but he hasn't added anything to it in at least two weeks, so it's pretty useless. He'll know what to get when he sees it.

At some point between two and five in the morning, the twenty-four-hour convenience store becomes a weird place.

There is a small group of drunks pretending to be sober in front of the entrance, too absorbed in their surprisingly sophisticated discussion about artificial intelligence and the nature of human consciousness to really pay him any mind as he walks past them.There is that sales clerk behind the counter that Teru would swear is a different person every time, but who still nods at him as if in recognition whenever he comes here.There is the quiet, cheerful and relaxed music slithering through the air above him. He knows it's exactly the same music as during the day, but it sounds slower now, more tinny, just as the lighting appears colder when the windows are tinted dark from outside.The shelves are loaded with wares that he's sure he never sees here any other time. That chocolate bar in front of him is from a brand that was discontinued years ago. He drops it into the basket hanging from the crook of his arm.Only distantly, the realization bumps into him that he brought his cash card with him. That's usually a bad idea for night time shopping, as he's had to learn the hard way. He stops in front of the refrigerators, fumbles the card out of its usual place in his wallet and crams it into another slot along with four other cards. If it gets to the point where he has to either spend an awkwardly long time pulling it out of there again at the register or just put a few items back instead, this might help him to make the more sensible decision.It's already a challenge to fit it in there at all, because his hands don't want to stop trembling.Teru remembers this one summer camp from when he was a kid. Camping in the woods somewhere, with lots of child friendly survival training, tying knots, fishing, making camp fires. Nothing he was particularly good at or interested in.He was already spoiled back then, already convinced he was better, only he hadn't figured out yet how to distract from his rough edges with the thick padding of charm that is his second nature today. Hadn't figured out how to be mean and arrogant and make people like him for it.Those were three weeks stuck in the woods without friends, without anything nice to do. Three weeks with even the adults there not willing to indulge him anymore, three weeks of being the singular most disliked person in a group of twenty.He managed to stay angry while he was there. To yell at the other children when they hid bugs and snakes in his bedroll, to argue with the adults when they put him on cleaning duty the fifth time in a row, to loudly defend himself every time he alone was forced to carry the blame for their "roughhousing," to barge in filled with rage whenever he caught a group of other kids making fun of him behind his back.And then, when his mother came to pick him up, he ran to her so fast that he fell and knocked out a part of his front tooth on a rock. Even though it was still humiliating, he could at least leave the other children behind knowing they'd think he was bawling his eyes out because of that.And it might be a stupid little thing - a stupid little story, one where maybe every other person can tell at least one similar to it from their own childhood. It's probably the most normal thing, Teru doesn't know.

He does know that it formed him. That it was one of the things that had him trying harder to be popular. It was three weeks of loneliness that he was not going to let himself experience ever again.He can't even begin to wrap his mind around six months.Should probably not even think of comparing one unpleasant three week camping trip to six months of ‒  A hot lurching sensation invades his chest and he has to breathe it away harshly, squaring his shoulders and filling his lungs with as much air as he can. There is a word for what was done to Shigeo there, hovering at the edge of his mind, but he doesn't want to think it, wants to keep it neatly in between the lines of Shigeo's story, where the storyteller himself likely didn't even notice it.Teru is clutching the handle of the refrigerator door in front of him, maybe a bit too hard, and staring right past his reflection in the glass. He's trying to remember... he feels like he's hanging off kilter, jarring conversation snippets clinging to his mind the way a catchy but awful song would, only it's Shigeo's soft, kind voice declaring that "it's not so bad," and "it wasn't real," and "it was so long ago."And Teru is trying so hard to remember if he even answered anything. If he made sure, absolutely certain, that Shigeo knows it was real and it matters.He doesn't think he did.What a joke he is. There was the most basic sort of reassurance he could have provided, just a few strict words he could have said to offer some basic validation, and he was too busy feeling horrified to even attempt it. All this time that he spent trying to get Shigeo to open up, to just fucking talk to him, and when he finally does, Teru is completely useless.A derogatory chuckle escapes him, falls against the glass in front of him and spreads light fog over it. Teru is leaning so close to it that his entire vision is buried in white.Will he ever learn not to do this? To not think himself so much better, so far above failure? It was only ever about making Shigeo trust him, breaking him out of this self-inflicted prison where apparently it wasn't appropriate to acknowledge that he is not okay.And that was it. The end goal. He hadn't even bothered to think past that. Hadn't even considered the possibility that maybe he wouldn't come up with a solution right on the spot, that maybe he wouldn't be able to fix it.That he wouldn't be able to help.With a small snapping sound, the door handle fractures under his hand and he hastily lets go. The shelf behind him would have made it impossible for the clerk to see, but Teru still throws a nervous look over his shoulder and then quickly walks a bit further up the aisle.What even is it with him and refrigerators lately.He sighs loudly, pulls a hand over his face and rubs his eyes until he sees stars. Groceries. That's why he's here. He should stop letting himself get distracted. The drunks from outside have entered the store by now and are wandering along the aisles. Teru makes sure to keep a few steps between them and himself. They seem pretty harmless, but it's hard to tell sometimes and he doesn't want to risk a confrontation. Not today.Two of them are holding hands while they stumble through the store.Teru stares for maybe a second too long. His own hand twitches around empty air, senselessly grasping for the memory of a touch. It's not that he thought Shigeo reaching out to hold his hand was ever about more than simple comfort. He knows it couldn't mean anything else. Teru started that whole thing, offered it as a solution for a problem he barely understood, and that's all it's been ever since.He always enjoyed it. Was always feeling weirdly proud and special whenever Shigeo's fingers would quietly slip between his own as if that was something they did all the time. Teru savored those instances of something almost intimate between them. He knew it was only happening because something had upset Shigeo, but he felt trusted and useful, felt like he was actually doing something to help. At least it never seemed as if it wasn't helping.And all this time, while Teru was walking along in blissful ignorance, proud that he was doing just a small thing to make a small problem go away - this had been on Shigeo's mind. Memories of - of cats dying and of Shigeo dying and of Shigeo being alone, and hated, and helpless...Teru presses his palm to his forehead, hard, if only to stop himself from punching something.The handholding drunks are looking at him in concern. "Kid," one of them says, hardly even slurring, "you feeling alright? Drink some water, we're getting some water right now. Water helps. Hey!" They turn and gesture towards one of their friends already at the register. "Hiro! Get, get some extra water for the kid, yeah? He doesn't look so good, kid, you really don't look so good.""I'm fine, thank you," Teru bites at them and quickly adjusts his hand gesture so it looks like he was just going to brush the hair out of his face. He means to send a smile along afterwards, but it feels more like a strained grin and he is surprised that it still seems to work somehow. The drunk points at him with a stern frown. "If you're sure," they say, already turning away. "Gotta take care of yourself, you know."Teru waves them off with barely contained annoyance and flees to another aisle.Right, so, time to concentrate. All he has in his basket so far is a possibly ancient chocolate bar that he should probably put back. He'll do that when he gets back around to the front of the store. For now, he should prioritize what he needs in his head, pick the most important stuff first and leave what he can't afford right now for later. A gentle buzzing feeling is ghosting over his skin, urging him into action. He hasn't gotten anything done for way too long now.He'll have to make breakfast for Shigeo tomorrow, so the first priority is milk. Two cartons, just to be safe. He still has some coffee powder at home, but no marshmallows. There have to be marshmallows. Teru instinctively reaches for his standard ones, but snaps himself out of it just in time. They're cat-shaped. It's like he's trying to be an asshole now. Grinding his teeth for a second, he gets the more expensive ones instead, the ones that just have dog and bear shapes in different colors.Also, he should make pancakes. The thought barely strikes him before he's already collecting everything he needs, hardly even realizing how he gets from one side of the store to another. Every movement feels a bit too erratic, too sudden. Only in front of the shelf with the syrup does he stop for a moment, searching deep in his memory for any inkling of what Shigeo's favorite is. He doesn't know. Does he even like syrup at all? Teru ends up getting all four he's looking at. Just to be safe.The drunks have left the store. The music stopped playing for some reason. The sudden silence makes Teru hurry up even more. When he's standing at the register, he realizes that he doesn't have enough cash to pay for everything. He doesn't even consider putting anything back and instead spends about half a minute fumbling his bank card back out of his wallet.The clerk accepts it with a wide-eyed look. Teru raises an eyebrow at him and there is an odd, slow moment where they just stare at each other.Then, as he notices a little leftover flare of his own aura, Teru realizes he probably doesn't remember how he got around the store just now because he might have been using telekinesis to do it.... oops.The clerk has slipped back into his work routine by now, quietly ringing him up and handing the card and his shopping bags to him. The light perspiration on his forehead and the enormous question mark in his eyes are the only indicator that he's even remotely uncomfortable.Teru takes the bags and aimlessly waves one hand around at the store behind him. "So you noticed that too, huh?" he says with a forced casual tone. "Seems to be some weird haunting going on here. Maybe think about hiring an exorcist." Then he hurries towards the exit, paying extra attention to his feet and that they stay on the ground. He hasn't slipped up like that since forever ago. Apparently he's very tired, even though he doesn't really feel like it anymore.On a garbage can next to the exit sits a single, unopened water bottle with a post it note on it. "Water is healthy, kid!" it reads. Teru blinks at it for a moment, before quickly walking past it.He is nervous on the whole way back to his apartment. Like an itch in his throat that he has to try and swallow again and again to make it go away for at least a few seconds. Dawn is slowly approaching when he unlocks the front door and closes it behind him to the first sounds of chirping birds. It hasn't registered until now that it's not really nighttime anymore, that his late shopping trip switched to an early shopping trip somewhere along the way. That's worse, that's so much worse. What if Shigeo woke up already while Teru wasn't there? Woke up to an empty apartment, alone and abandoned, right after the sort of talk they just had?Teru rushes up the stairs taking three steps at once, the railing shakes and creaks loudly under his grip. The content of the shopping bags would have long since spilled all over the staircase if he didn't keep it inside with his powers.His fingers are shaking when searching for his keys.

He knows he locked the door and windows properly before he left, but spirits can still get in. Why didn't he think of that?

He's never seen many spirits, none actually before meeting Shigeo, and he's certainly never had to be afraid of them.

But suddenly there is a spirit that managed to overwhelm the strongest person he ever met, a mere spirit with enough power to blur the lines of reality and the mind. A spirit that, as far as he knows, is still alive somewhere and still watching Shigeo.Finally he unlocks the door. It slips from his grip and crashes into the wall of the hallway. Teru barely catches it in time as it swings back at him, but then tries to close it as quickly and quietly as he can. The bags slip from his hands and right to the floor, he kicks off his shoes and jumps over them, dashing to the living room.He feels unhinged, suddenly, his muscles twitching weirdly and making him move in ways he doesn't want to. There are no spirits nearby, he can feel that, but there is still that thought clawing at the back of his neck that he left Shigeo alone and if something happened to him then it's his fault, he needs to make sure he's still there and safe and warm -With his socked feet, the sudden stop at the door to the living room almost has him sliding to the side and falling, but he catches the door frame just in time to keep himself upright.Shigeo is still there.

In fact, he hasn't moved at all since Teru left. His knees are still drawn up to his chest, his hand still curled around the blankets, his face still buried deep into the pillow. As Teru's heartbeat slowly but surely backs down from ringing in his ears, he can make out the calm, even sound of Shigeo's breath.Teru goes slack against the door frame. Holding himself up with the right, his left arm now tightly wraps around his ribcage, fingers grasping for purchase on the thick, rigid surface of his coat. Something burns in the corners of his eyes, hot and itchy, and his next inhale stutters, hitches and becomes a sob.This is stupid. And loud. He'll end up waking him after all.Turning around, he leans with his back against the frame, decisively looking away from the bed. He presses a hand to his mouth, closes his eyes, keeps swallowing hard and breathes through his nose. Stop, he thinks at himself, calm and clear, strict. He knows he doesn't listen otherwise. Stop. He's fine. He's still here.The arm slung around his middle is not the sort of contact he is craving, is not at all enough compared to holding another person. But it helps, just a bit. Just for now. It has to.Only two more sobs manage to escape him, then he bites back the rest. They taste bitter, but at least it's quiet now.

One, two, three more breaths and he pushes himself off the frame. Hangs up his coat, picks up his groceries. By the time he's cleaned out the fridge and stocked it anew again, the sun is already coming up. Teru quickly washes himself, turns on the coffee machine, and walks back into the living room.Everything is still as it was before.Teru kneels down next to the bed, elbows on the mattress. He tries not to look at Shigeo too much. That'd be weird.The purple and blue blanket has slipped down Shigeo's shoulder again. Teru carefully pulls it back up.Just to keep him warm.