#it's sunday so i'll just take it easy today and i should be fine :3

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <3

[indigo474]

Sunday funday take 2-

It rained all weekend. Fine by me. I like the rain. It makes me appreciate the Sun. The inspection for the house-my house- came back. Nothing too concerning. I am going to have the chimney inspected..again.

I started the 10k program today. in the rain, at the park. it's almost like my soul always knew what i needed. i always wanted to run. i cant explain any of it. but today i ran almost 4 miles in the rain.. i can hardly fucking believe it. it's kind of a big deal to me. my goal is to lift 3 days- run 3 days. if i have a choice, which i do- i'm running. i can't help it. i could probably lift and run - maybe something i should think about doing. I must run on the street or i am going to flop this 5k. i have time to figure it out.

I am not renewing my marijuana med card. i originally got it because i was afraid x was going to bring it up.. which he didnt. it was good i had it for my promotion and drug test- they never asked for it. im assuming i passed the drug test? I'm going to try and make a trip to get more edibles before my card expires. But yeah.. i'm done with it.. i rarely get high anymore. there is no reason for me to have it. if i want anything i can drive to new jersey.

I am so grateful for this life. I could never imagine living the life i'm living. not in a million years. It wasn't easy. some days its still not easy- i will probably always be healing. i am still that little blonde headed girl. some days i do a great job of loving myself and being kind to myself. i give myself what i need. there are days where i try and i fail. so i try again. it's amazing though - what can happen when you just keep going, no matter what-

I have another busy week. the ice queen was in monday and tuesday- drunk drunk drunk-- she was out the rest of the week. I heard she missed an important meeting in NY. It's sad. i feel sorry for her. funny i feel sorry for her but i do not feel sorry for the guy downstairs and his obvious drug addiction. i thought about that this week and i am not really sure why that is. i wonder what that says about me. why do i feel sorry for one and not the other? is there a difference? my team is ok. i have a few issues i need to address. we have a dress code. someone on my team was wearing sneakers. i asked her if she was wearing sneakers- she said no. really? they look like sneakers- no she says they are leather. oh ok. i was just checking. i actually thought it was funny. it's almost like they are kids or they think im an idiot. im not sure which. it's a lot. i'm getting good at it- ive learned so much about what it means to be a supervisor. i have 1 person i want off my team. i like her as a human but she needs to go as she is dead weight.

i finished watching the jerry farwell jr doc- it turned into a trump bashing documentary. they tried to say the pool boy was a victim.. i'm not sure i buy it. he got angry he didnt receive money and decided to come forward with his story. we wasnt a victim when he was flying first class, dining with celebrities or was balls deep in jerry's wife. he became a victim when he didnt get paid.. Paradise was rebuilt- that one was hard to watch- those poor people went through so much. i watched a good one-betrayal the perfect husband-

busy busy week. Madison turns 19 on Friday.. we were going to go to Hershey. We might still. Im not sure. I'll order a vegan cake. that will make her happy. my car is so messed up. i think i know what is wrong with it. its a matter of finding the time to get it to the mechanic.

[graniairish]

Love of an Irish heart 04 - Friend or foe?

Paring: Kelly Severide x Female Reader

Summary: You and Kelly are at the beginning of something new. You were happy. No one would ever stand in the way of your happiness ... right? ... or maybe not?

Warnings: intrigue, alcohol

A/N: English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes.

Series Masterlist previous chapter

Tag-List: @iamasimpingh0e

This Sunday was wonderfully sunny again. The whole family has always come together every Sunday. There was always a lot to eat, to laugh about and to talk about. However, the whole thing has now degenerated into a small folk festival. After all, your siblings already had children.

The little ones romped around in your parents' garden while the adults talked about hurling. Although you were a huge pack by American standards, you would only have passed as a small family in Ireland.

The few hours of sleep you had were nowhere near enough. Now you got to your parents a bit crumpled up.

Unfortunately, you were a little late. You still hoped that your makeup would cover up last night's events well and that no one would see the dark circles under your eyes.

Everyone was sitting in the garden, your dad was taking care of the grill, and your mum was busy making sure everyone was fine and comfortable.

"Hi guys," you said when you came into the garden.

“Hey, you're late. Where have you been? ”Your brother wanted to know.

"Sorry, I must have overslept," you tried to apologize.

"Long night," Shannon wanted to know.

"Oh, I just slept badly somehow, I don't know."

You really tried not to let it show, but your big sister Shannon had known you for ages. So it was easy for her to interpret your embarrassed expression just right.

You may have slept badly, but you definitely didn't get to bed until after midnight, and it was definitely a man's fault. Shannon didn't mention that at first, though. Why should she? Sooner or later you'd tell her everything anyway.

All she had to do was be patient.

It was colorful, loud and funny in the garden. Everyone told what they were up to in the next week, and plans were made to fly to Ireland again to visit the grandparents and the rest of the relatives. You weren't really into it, though. Again and again your thoughts drifted to yesterday evening and this kiss.

You were smiling pensively when your niece, Kathy, suddenly pulled you out of your thoughts. She wanted to show you the new steps she had learned in the Irish Dance Academy. Apart from that, she wanted to know if you were ever going to take part in a competition again.

“I don't know,” you said with a laugh, “I think I'm getting too old for that. Apart from that, I haven't danced for more than two years. "

"But grandma told me you always won these competitions, aunt (Y/N/N)."

“I was fifteen then. I don't think I would have any great chances now. But I'll be happy to come to your next Feis and I will cheer you on, I promise. "

"Hey (Y/N/N) can you help me, please," you heard a voice from the kitchen and, helpful as you were, you made your way.

---

It was just before noon when the men of Rescue Squad 3 returned from a mission. Even if Kelly had only slept a few hours, he was less exhausted than he would have expected. His breakfast had only consisted of two cups of black coffee and now he was getting hungry.

Since Mills was accepted into the Rescue Squad, he has refused to do kitchen duty. Unfortunately, that meant that someone else was always responsible for the food at Firehouse 51.

Today it was Cruz's turn, and he was looking forward to trying one of his recipes again. But only he was looking forward to his creation. His cooking was, shall we say, not for the general taste and the rest of the firefighters longed for the delicate dishes that Mills had always served them. Even the smell that was wafting towards Kelly and the others wasn't exactly that good. The men of the Rescue Squad looked at each other in silence, wondering if they should really do this to themselves. Perhaps it would be better, and by far safer, to organize something to eat at the sandwich shop further down the street.

“Hey guys, I'm cooking you a Creole sausage stew with jalapeños and coconut milk. You'll be amazed at such a fine meal. "

"We can't wait, Cruz," said Kelly, rolling her eyes.

He quickly grabbed an apple and sat down with his colleagues from the Rescue Squad at their table outside by the trucks.

“Hey Lieutenant,” Capp began, “who was the redhead you disappeared with from Molly’s last night? New flame, or what? "

Kelly couldn't help but smile. It always happened to him when he thought about you.

"You would like to know that."

Without saying another word, Severide got up and went outside. His colleagues would almost certainly not stop interrogating him any further. He knew only too well how curious these men could be.

Sometimes they were real gossipers.

However, there wasn't really anything to talk about either. Except for that kiss, nothing really happened. Kelly had no idea what was going to develop out of it. That being said, he had never felt the way he felt about you before in his life.

Lost in thought, he pulled his cell phone out of the side pocket of his pants and stared at the black display.

Should he get in touch with you?

He had promised, but would that be wise? Wouldn't it look like he's chasing you?

What should he do?

Nothing like it had happened to him before. You had managed to turn his whole world upside down in a very short time. You changed him within four encounters. He would have tried to get any other woman to bed yesterday.

But it was different with you. He didn't want to rush anything .

"This girl seems to have got under your skin quite a bit."

Kelly hadn't noticed Casey standing next to him. The lieutenant of the Rescue Squad put the cell phone away again, smiling embarrassed and with slightly reddened cheeks.

"Seems so."

"And what are you going to do now?"

Kelly took a deep breath and stared lost in thought for a few moments.

“Frankly, I had absolutely no idea. I find myself in uncharted waters, so to speak. I've never felt like I did for (Y/N) before. "

Casey listened to his friend and just nodded understandingly.

“Do you have any advice for me? I mean, you clearly have more experience than me. "

Casey patted his friend on the shoulder with encouragement and a big smile.

"Listen to your heart."

"As simple as that?"

"As simple as that."

Kelly looked at his friend and colleague in silence, pondering his situation with you. But before Kelly could speak to Matt again, they heard Cruz calling everyone in 51 to eat. Casey pointed meaningfully in the direction of the kitchen.

"So much for the topic of unknown waters."

"Should we really dare to eat it?"

The two lieutenants went in laughing, after all, you had to set a good example.

---

The meal with your family had been fantastic, but more than enough to feed a small company of hungry soldiers. Once again you had eaten way too much and were sure that tomorrow you would easily weigh a kilo more.

Like every other Sunday you were in the kitchen with your sister doing the dishes. Your hands were soaking wet and full of soap when your cell phone started beeping.

Instantly your heart rate had increased. Could it be that he had just written you a message?

With slightly shaky hands, you dried your hands in a tea towel, and finally got your cell phone out of your handbag, which was on a chair in the corner.

When you saw who had just sent you a message, a big grin crept onto your lips.

> Cruz cooked today. Hope your food was better. I think of you - K <

"Tell me, sister, why have you been grinning like that all day?" Shannon asked you.

Startled by the sudden speech, you immediately put your cell phone back in your purse.

"I have no idea what you are talking about" you said and helped her dry the plates.

"Oh come on, (Y/N/N), there is something going on. I already know you when you were born. So spit it out. Who is it that makes you shine like that? Do i know him?"

As always, your older sister hit the nail on the head. You had never managed to hide anything from her before.

Actually, you didn't want to tell her about Kelly. What should you have talked about? Except for one kiss, nothing really happened. But there was no escaping Shannon's knowing gaze.

“I met someone,” you finally began, without stopping to dry the plates any further.

"What? Who? And when? How did that happen? Tell me! "

And so you told her everything. From your first meeting at Molly’s, the rescue from the office, the reunion in the park and finally from yesterday evening. Your sister was hanging on your lips as if you were prophesying the lottery numbers for the next drawing.

“Ah, so our little (Y/N/N) met a knight in shimmering armor. Could it be that you fell in love?"

Her voice had turned into a slight singsong. You knew that Shannon was happy for you. Still, your sister couldn't help teasing you a little.

And that's exactly what she did. In a matter of seconds, the color of your face turned a deep red. Now you couldn't really deny it anymore. Your reaction was just too clear.

"Well, first of all, he's not a knight in shimmering armor," you said defiantly.

"Okay, then someone in a sooty firefighter uniform," Shannon teased.

"And second," you had meanwhile raised your finger threateningly, "I certainly haven't fallen in love."

"Oh yes? Are you sure about that too, little one? Because judging by the color of your face ... "

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Honey, it's me. You know you can tell me anything So out with it, did you fall in love with this Kelly?"

"No ... yes ... I don't know, I don't know him well."

"But then so good to make out with him in front of your apartment," Shannon said smugly, "believe me, every blind person can see what's going on inside you!"

You looked out the window pensively as you nibbled your lower lip. Maybe your sister was right.

Maybe you really fell in love with Kelly.

---

The days and weeks that followed passed by in a flash. You and Kelly met almost every night. You just enjoyed each other's presence. This tender, almost shy kiss had meanwhile become many.

And even if you both had one or the other wild make-out session, you hadn't taken the last step yet. You didn't know him well enough to let him in your bed.

Kelly hadn't tried to lure you into his bed either. He took the advice Casey had given him and listened to his heart.

That told him that you two had all the time in the world and absolutely nothing to rush into.

It was friday. Kelly was on shift and you hadn't come out of your office in ages again. You were absolutely exhausted and just wanted to end the evening comfortably with your friends.

You wanted to meet them in your local pub downtown. The Flanagan's. As a precaution, you decided to take a taxi today. You knew your friends and if the evening went as usual, no one would be able to drive in a few hours anyway.

Frankly, you felt guilty for neglecting them so much in the past few weeks. You would certainly have to endure one or two comments today. But you were lucky.

After you volunteered to pay the first two rounds, your friends were ready to overlook your unfaithfulness to them.

You were in the process of discussing the results of the latest hurling game when Susan unexpectedly sniffed in.

"Hey guys, how are you?"

"Good thank you. And you? Aren't you trying to seduce firefighters tonight?” Your best friend Lucas wanted to annoy her.

He still apparently hadn't gotten over the fact that she'd dropped him after a few weeks just to make out with a firefighter.

"No, you can't hang out there every evening."

Lucas rolled his eyes while Susan got one of these colorful cocktails. However, she just couldn't help it and quickly flirted with the bartender before joining your group again and standing next to you.

"Oh (Y/N/N), before I forget, I'm really sorry it didn't work out with your guy," she said, so softly that only you could hear.

"What do you mean?"

You looked at her inquiringly.

A queasy feeling was building up in your stomach, and your breathing was getting faster and shallower.

Confused and also a bit scared you looked into Susan's eyes, who gave you a sad dog look.

What was that supposed to mean?

What was going on here ?

"Well, I was back at Molly’s yesterday and I saw him at the bar with such a cute blonde. The two seemed to get along really well, if you know what I mean. "

You actually wanted to meet Kelly in the bar yesterday. But you had to work longer and then you preferred to go home to catch up on some sleep.

“They also disappeared together,” she continued, “and this morning when I happened to pass firehouse 51, I saw them again. Together. Guess what else I found out. "

Susan paused meaningfully and then went on with a smug tone in her voice.

“Because I'm such a good friend, I asked around a bit: You won't believe what I've learned. The two live together. For ages ... well ... I'm really sorry for you, but apparently you were just a little distraction for this firefighter. "

You felt sick instantly and felt like you were about to throw up. You couldn't believe it. What were you getting yourself into? The heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

It really seemed too good to be true.

Why should such a gorgeous man be interested in a gray mouse like you?

Without further ado you empty your glass in one go and put it back on the counter.

"Hey, are you okay, (Y/N/N)?", Lucas wanted to know, "You're suddenly pale as a sheet!"

Immediately he was at your side and protectively put his arm around your shoulder. He had never seen his best friend like this before. What did Susan whisper to you that threw you so off the rails?

"I'm not doing so well. I'll call a taxi and go home, will you pay for me, please? "

"Yes, of course, should I come with you?"

He was always so caring. Ever since you met him at the age of twelve.

"No thank you. It's okay. "

With these words you left Flanagan's and drove home. But you couldn't get a minute of sleep that night. For hours you lay on your bed and cried bitter tears.

What have you been to Kelly? A distraction?

Why did you fall for him?

The next day you felt even more miserable than the night before. That bad feeling in the pit of your stomach was not gone either. You just felt sick. You didn't meet your friends for a run either.

As if all life had been sucked out of you, you lay on the couch and thought about what you had learned yesterday.

Was it all just a lie between Kelly and you?

When your cell phone rang, you already knew from the ringtone who was trying to reach you. But you didn't want to hear from him. You didn't want to talk to him.

Never again.

---

Kelly had tried to contact you again and again. But you never answered your cell phone and each of his calls ended up in your voicemail. Confused, he looked at the clock. It was just before noon.

Were you still running with your friends?

He paced up and down nervously. After what happened at Molly’s on Thursday, he urgently wanted to talk to you. He couldn't and didn't want to risk that you would find out about this incident through the rumor mill.

He wanted to talk to you about it himself. After all, he didn't want any secrets from you.

"Hey Kelly, are you okay?"

Shay was worried about her best friend. She had never seen him like this before. Maybe he shouldn't have waited until after his shift to speak to you.

"I can't reach (Y / N)."

“Now don't worry, she may just have forgotten her cell phone at home. She'll call you back. "

"Do you think?"

Shay just nodded, she had seen the two of you together. What was between you two was clearly love. Nothing and nobody could get in the way.

On the other hand …. the devil never sleeps.

next chapter

[deus-ex-mona]

a weirdly long event “summary” of the honeypre harumiou event!

this got weirdly long, so here’s a tl;dr: dumb himbo serizawa haruki tries to cook for his cute not-gf aida miou

Chapter 1:

Our protagonist for the first 5 chapters is Serizawa Haruki.

The season is Spring.

During lunch, Haruki and Miou talk about the season of spring, and about how nice it would be to go flower viewing.

Miou asks Haruki to go flower viewing with her.

Haruki: How about next Sunday?

Miou: Sounds great!

Haruki: Nice! I'll invite everyone else too! See ya!! [runs off]

Miou: ... :/

In the classroom, Haruki tells everyone else (Natsuki, Yuu, Mochita) about the flower viewing plans.

Natsuki: :/

Haruki: What’s wrong? 

Mochita: ...you haven’t realised it? Aida was asking you to go flower viewing alone with her.

Haruki: ... eeh!?

Yuu: ...from that reaction, you clearly didn’t realise it.

Haruki defends himself, saying that Miou didn’t explicitly mention going alone with him.

Natsuki all but calls him dense and wonders what Miou sees in him.

Natsuki muses that all they talk about is movies.

Haruki says that Miou always looks interested when he talks about movies... then he comes to the realisation that he has yet to listen to Miou talk about her interests.

Natsuki, Mochita and Yuu all look at him like :/ and all but internally pity Miou for her horrible taste in men.

Natsuki: If this carries on, what if Miou gets taken by another boy?

Haruki: Another boy!? What do you mean by that?

Chapter 2:

Natsuki explains her point, saying that Haruki’s insensitivity to Miou’s feelings may result in her falling for another guy instead.

Natsuki returns to the topic of the flower viewing, asking Haruki if he had even considered Miou’s feelings on the matter. 

Judging by his resulting expression, the answer is “no”.

He admits as much after thinking it over for a moment.

Haruki: You’re right. I should have considered Miou’s feelings.

[Cue timeskip]

The school day has ended and Haruki is walking home with Miou.

As they walk together, Natsuki’s words (regarding the consideration of Miou’s feelings) keep revolving around in his mind.

Haruki ponders so hard about Natsuki’s words to the point that Miou gets concerned about the troubled expression on his face.

Haruki: It’s nothing!

Miou: If it’s really nothing, it’s fine but...

Miou: I’ll be willing to listen to anything that’s troubling you!

Haruki: Miou...

Cue Haruki’s internal monologue, where he praises Miou’s kindness and consideration for his feelings.

Inner Haruki: Miou is always looking out for my feelings, and she is always willing to say kind words to me...

Inner Haruki: On the other hand, I've never really considered Miou’s feelings nor spoken kind words to her.

Inner Haruki: Natsuki was right. If this carries on, Miou will fall for someone else.

Having made up his mind to consider Miou’s feelings, Haruki makes a suggestion to Miou.

Haruki: Hey Miou, for next Sunday’s flower viewing... why don’t we go, just the two of us?

Miou: Eh? Just the two of us?

Haruki: Yup. Just us two.

Miou: ...yes. I’ll go!

Haruki breathes a sigh of relief.

Haruki then asks if Miou wants him to do anything special for the “event”.

Miou can’t come up with anything, so Haruki asks what she wants the most as of that moment.

Miou: Hmm... I want to eat delicious food.

Cue Haruki deciding to cook food for her for their “date”. 

Haruki then apologises to Miou before running off to make preparations for his upcoming cooking exploits, leaving a confused Miou behind in his wake.

Chapter 3:

The next day, Haruki calls Yuu and Mochita out.

Haruki: I need your help to make this mission a success!

Mochita: What is this mission, anyway?

Haruki: Take a look around the room we’re in for a clue.

Mochita: We’re in the Home Ec. room..

Yuu: I haven’t got a clue as to what’s going on.

Yuu: Stop talking in circles and just explain your plan already.

Haruki: As I was saying... I want to make a reeeealllyyyy delicious bento for Miou when we go flower viewing together!

Mochita: ...oh. As I suspected.

Yuu: Have you even cooked before?

Haruki: Nope! But if I try my best, it’ll all work out somehow!

Mochita and Yuu: [visible doubt and confusion]

Mochita: I’m worried about this... extremely worried, in fact!

Yuu: Same here.

Haruki: Hey... everyone has to start trying from somewhere, right?

Mochita: That’s true... but it’s difficult to start off with a bento.

Haruki: Really? Well, I brought some ingredients with me!

Haruki places the ingredients he got at the supermarket onto the table.

Mochita considers the ingredients before him and guesses that Haruki intends on making karaage.

Haruki affirms Mochita’s guess, saying “It’s a staple component of bentos, right?”

Haruki: Well, let’s get cooking! [starts cooking]

...only to be immediately stopped by Yuu for trying to put the (unseasoned) chicken into the oil as-is.

Mochita begs Haruki not to rush through the cooking process.

Haruki: I’m making karaage, right? So what's wrong with putting the chicken into the oil? Why are you guys stopping me?

Mochita: ...he’s hopeless.

Yuu: Okay, Haruki. What's on the karaage you always eat? Think carefully.

Haruki: Eh? Um... lemon?

Yuu: ...let’s leave, Mochita.

Mochita: Yeah.

Haruki: Oi! Guys, wait! Just what’s on the karaage?

Yuu: [sighs] It’s coating. In other words, you have to coat the chicken in batter.

Haruki: Oh! If you say so, it must be true!

Yuu: Saying something like that... you’re really... 

Mochita suggests giving up on making Miou a handmade bento (and bringing her a ready-made one instead)

Haruki refuses the suggestion, vocalising the fact that (as Natsuki had said earlier) he had not taken Miou’s feelings as seriously as he should have, and that he was basically being spoiled by Miou. 

He finally says that he wants to do his best to make the bento for Miou as a way of doing something for her, despite him being bad at cooking.

This wins Yuu and Mochita over and they agree to help him with his cooking shenanigans.

Chapter 4:

Aided by Yuu and Mochita, Haruki begins his cooking shenanigans.

“Thanks guys! I’ll do my best!” - Serizawa Haruki, moments before disaster.

[a few moments later]

Haruki: What is this…

Yuu: Isn’t it supposed to be karaage? :/

Mochita: Isn’t this too burnt?

The result of Haruki’s first attempt at cooking karaage: basically charcoal.

Haruki: I suck at cooking :(

Yuu and Mochita: You just realised it?

Yuu encourages Haruki anyway, saying “Don’t be too depressed, Haruki. You’ve been so focused on filmmaking, so it’s only natural that you’re bad at something (like cooking).”

Mochita jumps on the encouragement bandwagon, saying “That’s right, Haruki. We’ve only just begun, so keep at it!”

Haruki brightens up at his friends’ words of encouragement and strives to do his best.

[mini transition here]

Yuu: [instructs Haruki on his cooking]

Mochita: It’s rare to see Haruki so focused on something other than his filmmaking.

Haruki: Everyone calls me a “movie idiot” because I’m always thinking about movies… But when I think of Miou, I forget all about movies because my head is filled with thoughts of her.

Yuu and Mochita are mildly stunned/amused by Haruki’s honesty.

Haruki is embarrassed.

Mochita laughs and tells Haruki to carry on with the tamagoyaki.

And so, Yuu and Mochita helped Haruki out until he was finally able to make a decent bento.

[cut to Sunday]

Haruki brings the bento he made to meet Miou at the park.

Haruki: (thinking) The sakura have started to bloom, huh… 

Haruki thinks about how he immediately contacted Miou when he saw some info about the blooming sakura on the news the previous day, and about how he woke up extra early to make the bento for the two of them.

Haruki: (thinking) I want Miou to eat the bento soon…

Haruki walks towards the park, holding the bento carefully so that the contents don’t spill.

Suddenly, Natsuki appears.

Natsuki: Where are you going with such a big grin on your face? Wait… is that a bento?

Haruki: T-this is…

Natsuki: That’s right! Your date with Miou is today!

Haruki: I-it’s not a date…!!

Natsuki: Did you make that bento yourself? It can’t be… Making a bento for a girl is so unlike you, Haruki…!

Haruki: Is that a bad thing?

Natsuki: Not at all! This is definitely a good change! Haruki, you’ve always been focused on movies, so it’s definitely alright to focus on something else every once in a while!

And with that, Natsuki leaves with a “Do your best, Haruki! :)”.

Haruki thinks about the “focus on something else every once in a while” part of Natsuki’s words for a bit… and is late for his meeting with Miou.

Chapter 5:

Haruki reaches the park that he arranged to meet Miou at.

Haruki thinks about how amazing the bloomed sakura look.

Haruki spots Miou standing under a tree near the entrance of the park.

Haruki: (thinking) Miou looks beautiful… 

While Haruki was thinking, Miou approached him with a wave.

Miou: Haruki, you’re here! Is anything the matter?

Haruki chickens out of calling Miou beautiful, saying  “N-no…” in response to her question instead. 

Miou notices the large bag that Haruki is carrying and inquires about its contents.

Haruki takes out the bento, saying “I made this for us to eat together.”.

Miou is shocked that Haruki made a bento for them.

Haruki shrugs off Miou’s surprise and urges her to “Hurry and eat the bento!”.

And so, they sit on a bench under the sakura and uncover the bento.

Miou compliments the bento (“Wow…! It looks delicious…!”)

Haruki agrees with her (“Right? I added karaage and tamagoyaki to this!”)

Miou is amazed by Haruki’s karaage. 

Haruki responds with an “It was easy!”. 

Miou laughs. Haruki asks her what she was laughing at. 

Miou says that she saw the small burn marks on Haruki’s fingers. Haruki is displeased that she had noticed it. 

Miou laughs and says “Haruki, you’ve really done your best, yeah?”.

Haruki is highkey embarrassed because “It isn’t cool to have difficulty with making a bento…!”.

Miou asks if Haruki made the bento for them because she said that she “wanted to eat delicious food” a few days ago.

Haruki affirms this, saying that he just wanted to make Miou happy because she was always kind to him.

Haruki: But, I can’t ever do anything for you, Miou.

Miou: Haruki…

Haruki: I always talk about movies… Sorry for always being so uncool during times like those.

Miou: No, I'm happy. Thank you.

Haruki: Miou… 

Haruki: (thinking) I see… I’ve wanted to see this expression on Miou’s face.

Inner Haruki: This feeling is different from the sense of accomplishment I get when filming goes well in the Movie Research Club… This feeling warms me from the bottom of my heart. I wonder what this feeling is… It only comes up when I’m with Miou… 

Miou: Hey, let’s hurry and eat this bento.

Haruki: Y-yeah…!

And so, the two of them began to eat the bento.

Miou: Haruki, that looks delicious.

Haruki: Wanna eat this? [raises food to Miou’s mouth]

Haruki: (thinking) Feeding Miou like this… Just what am I doing?!

Miou: [softly and shyly] Yeah… I wanna eat it.

Haruki: [embarrassed] A-ah, please eat up! There’s plenty of food to go around!

Miou: Okay. So, thank you for the food. [opens mouth]

Haruki feeds Miou a piece of tamagoyaki. Miou smiles.

Miou: This is delicious…! Haruki, this is really delicious…!

Haruki: (thinking) Whoa… This is kinda amazing.

Haruki is surprised by the fact that Miou is eating his handmade bento with such a happy expression.

Inner Haruki: Maybe Natsuki was right. If I can see this expression on Miou’s face, it’s not so bad to turn away (from my movies) every once in a while.

Epilogue:

It’s now in Miou’s pov.

The two of them are still at the flower viewing.

Inner Miou: The bento that Haruki made was a little ugly, but it was delicious.

Miou: Which part of the bento are you most confident about, Haruki?

Haruki: Of course it’s the karaage! There were many failures… not because I didn’t put in the effort or anything! 

Miou: I see. :)

Inner Miou: (laughs) Haruki seems to suck at cooking fried foods… 

Miou: [eats the karaage]

Food critic Miou: The karaage looks ugly, but its taste is decent.

Miou: Yup! It’s delicious!

Haruki: Really!? [blushing]

Miou: Yup, it’s really delicious.

Haruki: I’m glad…!

Inner Miou: Haruki really did his best, huh…

Miou: You should eat as well, Haruki. It’s delicious.

Haruki: Okay! [enthusiastically eats the karaage]

Inner Miou: He must have skipped his breakfast in order to make this bento.

Miou: [imagines Haruki panicking in the kitchen]

Miou: [laughs]

Haruki: What’s wrong, Miou?

Miou: Nothing! 

Miou: Ah. Geez, Haruki, a grain of rice has fallen onto your lap.

Haruki: Ah…! M-my bad! 

Miou picks the rice off Haruki’s lap. Haruki is flustered.

Inner Miou: Haruki seems different from usual today… He’s kinda cute like this. :)

Inner Miou: But I can’t say this to him in-person… [getting depressed] 

Miou: … anyways, I didn’t know that you were doing things like this in secret. Let’s do it together next time! (probably referring to cooking/bento construction)

Haruki: Yeah! Hey… Miou.

Miou: Yeah?

Haruki: It’s nice to make plans like this, huh.

Miou: … Yeah. [blushing]

Inner Miou: We’d have graduated by this time next year. Will we still be able to spend time together then? 

Inner Miou: [mentally shaking off her previous line of thought] For now, I should just enjoy the time I have with Haruki.

Haruki: Miou, want another piece of tamagoyaki?

Miou: Yes! Thank you for the food. [gets fed by Haruki]

The tamagoyaki: CRUNCH

Miou: …

Haruki: What’s wrong?

Miou: There was an egg shell.

Haruki: A-are you okay!? 

Miou: Yeah. I’ve already swallowed it.

Haruki: I’m sorry, Miou…!! This happened even though I practised cracking eggs like crazy!

Miou: [laughs] Is that so.

Haruki: [is embarrassed]

Miou: [laughs at the flustered look on Haruki’s face]

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post # 6 - It is what it is

I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...

Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.

Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!

Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."

I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.

4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."

This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.

Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.

Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.

Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.

Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.

Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.

Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!

This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.

Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."

Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.

Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."

I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.

I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!

By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.

I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.

At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.

How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.

In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.

I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.

Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.

I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.

My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.

"It is what it is."

I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.

Much love.

Juzz xx