#it's so funny im sorry it's how i cope with having to live in the most heterosexual college ever ok

[snixx]

babygirl if you knew how many homewrecker fantasies I daydream about on a daily basis it's gonna be so over

[todayisafridaynight]

theres no better place for my ichi ringtone to go off than during my exam tbh

[wishmkr-jirachi]

...

[joshtoby]

hi im back….

i haven’t stayed up this late in fourscore days

[81folklore]

helpless - RUSSELL

pairings: george russell x hamilton!ensemble!reader (fc: ella kora)

summary: george ends his softlaunch with a cast member of hamilton on the westend

authors note: sorry for not posting in forever but ive had no motivation and i cant find the want to finish some of my drafts so have a brand new smau thats been BREWING in my brain ever since i saw hamilton the other week. its literally one my favorite musicals so you know i had to incorporate my two interests, you dont need to have seen hamilton or know about the story for this!

important: rg63 is george’s private instagram

masterlist

georgerussell63

liked by alex_albon, yourusername and 366,450 others

water, sports and sunsets☀️

view comments

user7 shirtless george is back!!

user10 hes so…

user45 THE SOFTLAUNCH HAS TO END SOON RIGHT😭😭

user12 i miss when george wouldnt make me feel single every post😔

yourusername oh myyy🫠

yourusername

liked by jakeh_j, lilymhe and 235 others

smiles (mostly) all round this summer☀️

tagged: rg63 and jakeh_j

view comments

rg63 miss you darling🤍

yourusername miss you too love💜

jakeh_j dinner soon?

yourusername yes!! g is coming to a show soon so we can do it then :)

jakeh_j sounds good👍

user6 cant wait to see you in hamilton!

yourfriend cutie🫶

georgerussell63 and alex_albon have added to their stories

yourusername ahhh cant wait to see you all💜

f1updates

liked by user72, user1 and 2367 others

george, alex and lily with fans today in london

view comments

user1 im the one in the third photo, they were in a rush as they had to go to the theatre but they were all so sweet and took the time to sign a hat i had!

user10 was anyone else with them?

user1 there wasnt! i dont think george was with his girlfriend but she could’ve been waiting for them somewhere else☺️

user72 idk why them going to the theatre together is funny but it is😭

user5 right?? it feels so random😭

user53 i can’t believe they watched hamilton before me

georgerussell63

liked by alex_albon, yourusername and 872,426 others

i have been with you since the beginning of your incredible journey of living out your dream of being in the west end. i know how much getting this part in hamilton meant to you and getting to see you on stage brings me so much joy, forever proud of you darling🤍

tagged yourusername

view comments

yourusername george☹️i will love you forever and ever thank you soso much for being by my side💜

yourusername you have no idea how happy it makes me to know you are in the crowd

alex_albon thanks for being my friend so lily can see her favorite musical😁

georgerussell63 yeah no worries man👊

yourusername alex i hope you know its me she loves to see, not hamilton🤨

alex_albon your wrong.

lilymhe shes very much correct🫶

user7 WHAT IS HAPPENING

user5 HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH

user25 WAKE UP GEORGE POSTED HER AHHHH user6

user6 OMG I LITERALLY SAW HER THE OTHER DAY😭

user10 this is so cute (im sobbing)

user8 wow the highway is such a good place to stargaze!!

user83 i cannot cope why is this so🫠🫠

lewishamilton 💜💜

yourusername

liked by georgerussell63, lilymhe and 6273 others

i look into your eyes and the skys the limit. georgie my love for you is timeless, each day i think about how lucky i am to have you by my side and how lucky i am to get to be the one to love you. you have changed the way i view the world and myself and my life will always be better now youve entered it, and no matter what this chapter in our lives will stick with me forever and always💜

tagged georgerussell63

view comments

georgerussell63 i am so grateful you have come into my life

georgerussell63 i love you so much darling

yourusername i will never stop loving you🫶

lilymhe when will i get posts like this☹️

yourusername yours is next lovely🤭

alex_albon babe?? i post you all the time

lilymhe and yet you havent used a lyric from hamilton🤨

user16 oh i love them so much😭

user45 my😭love😭for😭you😭is😭timeless😭

user12 hahhaa im so happy for you😭😭

jakej_h i hate people in love

yourusername you love us really😁

user9 MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS

user7 OH MY GOD GEORGE LOOKS SO GOOD🫠

liked by yourusername and others

user101 george is so boyfriend🤭

user62 that first picture😮‍💨

user99 they are so in love😭

[pr0blematic-h0unds]

You are disgusting. Do you have any idea how harmful this is?? Do you have any idea how damaging this is?? You're targeting minors with this kind of content, and your damaging their minds! They'll grow up thinking that this kind of behavior is okay! And the world will be full of incestuous freaks like you! That is not a world I want to live in. I can't believe you people are okay with this. How many people. How many people are like you? How many people think this is okay? Be a normal person and go outside. I can't believe it. What would your parents think?? Would they be okay with you saying this is okay? Why do you even think this is okay? Don't fucking say the "Fiction doesn't affect reality." bullshit. You aren't using this to cope. You aren't using this to have fun. Your using this because your disgusting and want to do bad things to innocent people! Fuck you, unkindly.

Awhh guys look!!! Hosts first hate comment!!!! Lol, funny you think were gonna get affected by a coward who hides behind anon <33333333333

We know were disgusting lolllll, were a lil sociopathic rainbow fag dog who has thoughts that belong in the psych ward on the daily but wdc <3333333333

Also lol we are using this to cope??? Who are you to tell us how we cope with the absolute horrible shit we endured for fucking years. If it doesn't fit your morals womp fucking womp we literally could care less.

Yall think by sending us hate that were magically gonna 'see' how us abusing PIXELS is more wrong than REAL FUCKING VICTIMS LIKE US who survived literal hell when they were at their most vulnerable and unable to do shit but take it.

Yall say you're trying to protect real victims of this shit? Well guess what, most of yall are nothing but double standard assholes who are so stuck up your ass that you ignore the fact that you unapologetically treat us like we deserved that shit. NO ONE, DESERVES THAT SHIT. No matter what they are.

Also, the whole 'targeting kids' thing, im sorry but people tend to forget that fandom space was never intended to take care of kids and be their little safety haven to watch their stupid little pixels waddle around. That is up to their parents, we are not the kids babysitters here to watch them and cater to their young minds.

"It'll damage their minds!!!" Okay?????? Not my problem the fuck?? I could care less because again, NOT MY PLACE TO CATER TO KIDS!!! I'm not gonna drop to my knees infront of a fucking 12 year old and be all:* "OH MY GOD1!1!1 IM SOO SOWWY THAT I POSTED TWO SIBLING CHARACTERS HOLDING HANDS YOUR POOR MIND IS RUINED FORGIVE ME PLZZZZ!!!!!!!!" lmaooo yeah no id rather punch myself in the balls then do that xD

Suck my fat cock and choke on it babe because we cope how we want and little wimps like you are stuck behind your computer heaving and foaming at the mouth because were over here happy and alive just posting little doodles.

Come say this shit off of anon, you won't. If anything you wouldn't even have the balls to say this stuff to our face.

-

Also, we know that you're just copy pasting to other proship blogs ;)

You're not creative, hop off our dicks and take your own advice to touch some grass because it reallllly isn't a good look for you <3

[passports-pls]

I was very disappointed in the lack of quality Mine playlists so I made my own 🤞

Listen here

you COULD listen to it in your own free time OR you could listen to it alongside my mentally insane directors commentary 😌

(under the cut)

for the sake of this post not getting too long I am grouping all the important songs into different categories pertaining to the different eras of mine tm

Pre-Daigo Misery (Nobody - The Other Woman)

This section is mostly abt Mine being a lonely little weirdo (characterised mostly by the smiths unsurprisingly) and because this era lacks a lot of actual content my notes are less specific between songs

There are actually so many male manipulator songs that fit too perfectly with Mine in this part of his life that I couldn't resist like I'm sorry but creep by radiohead is LITERALLY about him i don't make the rules

Okay but I do find 'Heaven Knowns Im Miserable Now' so funny in this context because I'm sure Mine was forcing himself into the yakuza expecting it to be so much easier to have close connections with these other men compared to his previous 9-5, only to find its almost exactly like his 9-5 just with more crime

'Salvatore' and 'Therefore I Am' are specifically the songs I attach to his bateman-esque grindset and his bubbling hatred for most of the people he works with dsfgf

okay but THE OTHER WOMAN ASWELL. It's literally mine you wouldn't understand. He dedicates so much time to taking care of himself and setting himself up to be an actual catch of a man and yet,, no one gives a shit about him despite all the effort he puts into his lifestyle to appeal to the ppl around him

LIKE??? Kicking and screaming he's so lana del ray coded

Just the sheer depression of this era i feel so bad for him

Yandere-mode activated (Can't Get You Out of My Head - The Killing Moon)

Self explanatory however actually finding songs that pertain to his specific brand of obsession was surprisingly difficult sfdsf

Although I will say that I cope and seethe at the fact that I had to sift through Killing Stalking playlists to settle on most of these songs gfdgsf

Theres such a delicate balance between the right amount of fluff and insanity that very few songs capture without being about literal stalking

like no in this case the stalker fucking won

that and vibes of idolizing Daigo like a god, I think 'Out of Touch' and 'Stolen Dance' do this the best

And freak because I can only imagine in all of Mine's relationships it's always been purely transactional and no ones ever put in the effort to actually talk and get to know Mine in any intimate form.

my poor touch starved blorbo

FEELINGS TM (Romantic Homicide - How to Dissapear)

THIS SECTION I FEEL GREATLY ABOUT

These songs to me are all about how Mine copes with Daigo's hospitalisation and when he wakes up. His whole internal battle surrounding his premature grief and his loss of connection with Daigo because could no longer see him as a truly living thing anymore

'Change' specifically hits when you think about it in this context. Because it's not so much about any real change in Daigo himself it's all about Mine's mental image of him now (because let's be real, Mine was way more in love with the idealised version he had of Daigo more than anything tangible about him)

IFHY is a little more of any iffy choice but I think it still convey's a lot about how conflicted Mine likely felt as well as just continuing his Yandere behaviour just in a much more sinister flavour

Okay but here's where my favourite song of the entire list is

WHITE FLAG BABY

admittedly it's completely self indulgent and ties into the mine-lives theory. But just the guilt and shame Mine felt when he see's that Daigo was indeed alive and that he was going to have to explain the past few weeks to him

yeah i would've thrown myself off that roof as well

also the lyric "I will go down with this ship" paralleling his "everyone abandons ship eventually" line just tickles my brain in the best way

'Door' and 'I Guess' are also just Mine guilt tm as well

'I guess' even more specifically because he's literally attached himself to daigo like a parasite and now he's thinking daigo's gonna break up with him I just AUGH

He KNOWS he's completely fucked up but I don't think he realises how much of a pushover Daigo is just yet and that he would have forgiven him eventually gjfdg

I'll probably update this with more notes as I remember them but for now I hope y'all enjoy the playlist!

[yourchemicallyimbalancedromance]

The Time Will Come

Prompt: 17. “You’re shaking like a leaf, are you okay?” (Credit to @/dumplingsjinson for this idea that I found from their hurt/comfort prompt list which you can find here<3)

Summary: post WTIT, Logan goes to an unsuspected side to garner their help.

Ship: platonic analogical

CW/TW: anxiety

———————————————————————

Logan rose up in the anxious sides room, pad of paper still in hand, exhausted and aggravated.

Virgil hadn’t heard him come in, the music from his headphones preventing him from being able to hear much of anything. He was sketching on his bed and mumbling the words to the song he was listening to to himself. This was his way of coping through the unease that rippled its way through Thomas because of Remus’ actions.

Logan stood there, waiting for Virgil to notice him. He didn’t want to bother him but he didn’t really feel as if he had anyone else to go to. Roman was busy rehearsing lines for a play, Patton was free but he was just…too sentimental, and Remus and Janus? No. Absolutely not.

Virgil could feel someone looking at him and looked up, quickly jumping back. “GAH!” he removed his headphones and took a second to catch his breath. “Jesus fucking Christ, Logan, you could’ve said something.”

“Apologies. I was wondering if we could converse about something important” he said, setting his pad of paper on Virgil’s desk. His hands were shaking.

Virgil recognized this subtle action as something Logan only did when he was overwhelmed with emotion. It’s funny, In a sick way. Logan was the one who taught him and the rest of the sides that suppression wasn’t helpful, yet he continued to put on this emotionless persona daily.

“God, you’re shaking like a leaf, are…you okay?” He asked, concerned.

Logan shook his head, suddenly all of the thoughts in his head were jumbled, he couldn’t speak. “I— Thomas keeps— Remus—“ he tried on multiple different ways of starting his sentence before he couldn’t stand upright, the shaking getting worse, tears in his eyes. He felt embarrassed, this wasn’t how he wanted this to go.

Virgil rushed to his side and held him as he collapsed into his arms. “It’s okay, you’re okay, breathe.” He says warmly.

“he won’t listen to me.” He said, taking deep breaths and composing himself. He stopped shaking and sat on the edge of Virgil’s bed.

“Logan, you need to talk to him. Not only is this effecting you, but all of us. Pushing down how you feel does nothing but make it worse.” Virgil says. He didn’t want to be so brutally honest with him, but he had no choice, enough was enough.

“I am the Logical side, Virgil, not the anxious side. I’m fine. I’m more concerned with Thomas’ procrastination issue.” Logan responds

“Really? Because the borderline breakdown you just had speaks otherwise.” He retorts. He winced a little at how cutting his voice sounded.

“The house is a mess I just need him to—“

“The house is a mess because Thomas is, same thing for you. You have emotions, Logan. I’m sorry but you have to face it just like the rest of us. The house is one of the lowest things on my list of priorities right now. You need to talk to him.”

“Fine.” Logan replied half-heartedly.

———————————————————————

After his initial conversation with Virgil, Logan found Thomas sitting in the living room re-watching Parks and Recreation with Nico. It was his 17th time rewatching it and he kept pointing out his favorite parts while Nico laughed.

It had been a few hours since their venture downtown and Logan didn’t want to intrude on their date. Or more-so, he was afraid to.

Eventually Thomas walked into the kitchen where Logan was standing, sipping his coffee, going over the script in his head. He was at the part where he was explaining the issue to Thomas when present Thomas interrupted him.

“Hey, Logan im sorry about earlier, I promise I’ll get back on schedule soon.” He says

Logan gave him a stoic look. “Thomas, we need to talk about this. I think your procrastination levels are just growing increasingly more high by the day. Why is that?”

“I really don’t want to talk about this right now, I just wanted to let you know that I would, eventually, be getting back on—“

“Thomas, this is extremely important. I’m tired of you pushing me off to the side.” Logan interrupted him, flustered.

Thomas stared at him, shocked, a hurt look on his face. “I wasn’t trying to do that I just don’t want to—“

“Forget about it.” Logan says, cutting him off, watching Thomas’ face go from hurt to heartbroken. He couldn’t find it within himself to care, he was too tired, too maddened with Thomas’ apparent need to not listen to him.

He sinks back down into Virgil’s room, sitting on his bed, just as he was earlier.

Virgil looks up, and Logan doesn’t even have to say anything before Virgil just wraps his arms around him and holds him close. “He’ll listen soon. I promise. I know what it’s like to not feel heard.”

Logan nods and lets himself be held. Usually he’s not one for psychical touch, or any kind of show of affection for that matter, but he needed this. He really needed this.

“Thank you, Virgil.”

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP41 SPOILERS!

hoooo boy im not gonna be able to listen to this episode normally after seeing the cast irl. im freaking out

- was the "part 1" in last eps title just a joke then? i thought it was gonna be a two parter

- ARE THEY SERIOUSLY GOING TO HEAVEN??? i thought shmegan said heaven isnt real. oh wait i just remembered brad said he went to heaven. hm. this will be interesting

- IF RON REALLY IS IN HEAVEN THAT MEANS HE GETS TO BE W ROGUE. HE. WAAAAA 😭

- okay time to actually start the episode

- the fact that they actually fell for anthonys trap is so adorable tbh THEY WERE SO EXCITED

- i love how they laughed over lincolns new intro AGAIN

- so funny how beth brings up that scary fact right after i wounded myself by cutting bread 😭 ur right beth. it is all about pain.

- i just realized scam pulled a mascot related scam. like father like sondaughter

- SCAMS SOLDIERS ARE THE CAST OF FAMILY GUY.

- LEVEL UP!! wonder what theyre gonna change

- SHES GONNA BE A BAD GIRL!!! :3

- "u gotta find ur own way, u gotta do it ur style, dood!" normals talking to dood the way he talks to hermie im gonna throw up

- HOLY SHIT WILL AND FREDDIE BRAIN CONNECTION AGAIN

- what a christian episode this is we got heaven AND santa claus

- WAIT DIDNT THEY ESTABLISH BEFORE THAT ST NICK IS NICKY

- WHY IS FUCKING SANTAS VOICE JUST HERMIE

- okay nvm its becoming more its own thing

- why does santa seem like another likely

- THE PETER THING HAS ME SCREAMING WTF IS THID PODCASTTT

- 20 minutes in no hermie yet (im insane)

- LINCOLNS NEW PERSONA IS KILLIBG ME DUDE

- HERMIE!!!!!!

- i have lost track of freddies garbage can plan shidjk

- guys swiftlis ship name is foot buddies now /j

- DID WILL JUST SAY "BREAD" INSTEAD OF BLOOD

- NOT ANOTHER LINCOLN VOICE CHANGE

- ANTHONY. AMERICAN DAD WORKS FOR THE GOVERNMENT.

- OUCH TERRY JR REMINDER

- STILL MAD THAT FREDDIE WASNT WEARING HEELS AT THE LIVE SHOW

- OH MY GOR NORMALS GOING OVER TO HERMIE OH MY GOD

- RON FUCKING STAMPLER!!!!!!

- ROGUE???? OH MY GODDDD

- ROGUE SOLOS EVERYONE

- THIS IS BETHS FUCKING SHOW NOW

- THEYRE ALL GONNA RIDE ON ROGUE AWWW

- WERE FINALLY GETTING SCARY AND RON INTERACTION

- HE FAKED HIS DEATH SO GOOD THAT HE DIED

- ERIN IS DEAD???

- TERRY JR TALKED TO RON ABOUT SCARY WHAT IF I CRIED

- SCARYS GONNA TELL HIM ABOUT TERRY JR. OH GOD. OH GOD I CANT DO THIS

- HE KNOWS. HE ALREADY KNOWS. IM GONNA CRY

- "im sorry that u dont realize that it is ur loss" OKAY YEP IM CRYING

- NOOOOO DOOD

- WHAT IS W BETH AND ALL THESE 11S

- HOLY SHIT NOT THEM DROPPING ALL THEIR SAD COPING MECHANISMS

- THE KIDDADS ARE ONLY JUST NOW REALIZING THAT THEY NEED TO BE BETTER PARENTS.

- LINCOLN STRAIGHT UP CALLING FOR GOD

- IF DOOD DRINKS THE POTION AND HAS MEMORIES OF SPARROW IM GOING TO FUCKING DIE

- THEYRE GONNA FIND THE REST OF THE GRANDDADS???

- SO WE FINALLY KNOW THEYRE STILL ALIVE. AT LONG LAST

[miiilowo]

How would you characterize Micheal throughout the years of his life?

i think shithead older brother plain an simple is the best way to start out. this can be hard to communicate if you did not grow up with two older brothers, but it is very simple:

objective as the youngest is to survive

theyre still nice sometimes but largely try to throw shit at your soft skull to try and dent it

jealous that the youngest sibling gets more attention/is praised more/etc

and i think thats pretty on the head for michael. i dont think he was ever TRULY trying to be actively super malicious, i just think he was an asshole teenage brother who thought making the little shit who got all the attention cry was funny if it meant he didnt get in trouble. definitely the 'im sorry hit me back hit me ill let you hit me if you dont tell dad please stop crying' type

when youre a teenager youre gonna have a lot of pent up emotions from a whole combination of things. a lot of them are gonna come from nowhere and youre gonna want to pin it on stuff, even if its not the actual cause. i think michael also probably did this and pinned any anger or inner turmoil he had on evan, regardless of if he actually had anything to do with it, because thats just like. standard 15-17 y/o behavior

after accidentally killing evan hes gonna be really fuckin upset. he was a dickhead, but he didn't want to kill anyone, that much is evident. theres two routes people typically take, which are "wow hes an unforgivable piece of shit" or "he's immediately amended of all sins and is nice now because he feels guilty". both of these are bad

he is a kid. an angry one at that. if an already angry kid kills their brother on accident, has guilt-induced nightmares about it, and probably hallucinates about it too? theyre not gonna get nicer, thats for damn sure!! i dont know if he could get MEANER, given the fact he has no targets, but i definitely think he'd get more snappy and probably a lot more paranoid. really a perfect storm to hallucinate even more (source: me) and then feel worse (source: me) and have it snowball (source: me)

gradually hes gonna get better. hes gonna learn to live with it. and i know for a DAMN fact this guy is funnysilly when hes an adult. constantly cracking jokes about his own demise, probably so thoroughly fed up with The Horrors that he reacts to shit like a letsplayer does. copes with everything via humor. best of all, thats backed up by the security logbook, making me the most objectively correct person on planet earth

i think when it comes to like. post-ennard mike, he'd probably lose some of that spark? you can only be so normal when youre a literal zombie shambling around. definitely would still retain the humor, but i think overall he'd be more grim. he's already died, he knows he cant live a normal life, and his only purpose is to kinda shut down everything his father started. thatll certainly weigh on the soul

[elderwisp]

i spent the last hours reading tessellate from the start so i just wanted to drop a little love because eeeeeee i like it so much!!! first off all ur characters are a hit!! dynamic personalities, and they all mesh with one another really well in interesting ways. it all feels like a little peek into the lives of random people and sometimes that all you really need babey! i'm excited to see where you go with things especially with atlas, dan (my beloved), also the way that there are multiple storylines/ a large cast of characters yet i never feel overwhelmed <3333 and ofc visually, the post are lovely. the one juxtaposing frances and atlas coping...u know you ate with that. that last closeup with ares and dan with the lighter and frances's recital?? so pretty!! stapled in the brain.

on a less serious note, frances and icarus SAVE ME i like their dynamic so much their interactions seem very organic and fun. a friends to lovers (would they fall under that category..ik he's her boss but they're friendssss) for the ages. i feel like with a name like icarus things are destined to get messy between them and im afraid of it but also im not....but also i need only good things to happen to frances always, tu sabes. and its so funny that i finally read this after you mapped out their first kiss scene, bc i would not have survived the irl four years of building their relationship up godbless <3 also BEEE!!! sorry i just remembered i love bee and i hope she stands up to her boss at work one of these days (and gets whatever she wants for the rest of her life despite how inadvisable it may be at the moment :) )

hope this all isn't too weird, but i had thoughts to share and who better than with the author. tldr: your story brought me joy at 1:15 am and i appreciate it!! also everyone has such cool names??? what a slay. ty and take care <3

live footage of me reading this:

this seriously made my evening i think i reread this about ten times!! i honestly had to retype this message several times because just being able to receive commentary like this is everything. a lot of these characters have been with me for such a long time so to be able to share the little dudes livin their lives AND have people enjoy it??? AWESOME! a lot of the scenes you mentioned are also seared in my mind forever LMAO especially the scene between frances and atlas. i think the week i was gathering everything to shoot it, i completely scrapped the original and the parallels post was a complete spur of the moment thing but i'm glad it happened GAH i'm so excited to share more in the future <3 also with icarus and frances, they're actually my most difficult pair to write for simply because initially (in my ts3 days) icarus was supposed to be such a small part but they had such a good dynamic i had to expand that! so he's a fairly new character for me!

anyways thank you so much! i hope you have a great day! :D flowers is for u <3

[winwintea]

THE NEW CHAPTER ACCCSKKSKKSK DJEJJSJ DEJUN IS SO FUNNY <33 wait why are dejun and minghao beefing?

and the previous chapter too, does chenle have like trauma or something from yanan leaving him. like it’s the thing where the first child gets to escape first but the second child has to wait or something?

OKAY BUT ALL OF YOUR TEXTS ARE SO REAL LIKE THEY ALL SOUND LIKE REAL CONVERSATIONS. that’s something i really like when reading a smau, like the real feel of reading a conversation between a group of friends or a couple of friends… like u get it fr 🫡🫡

ALSO??? susususpernova??? fav aespa songs ??? go

-🍉

live laugh love dejun 💕

OKAY THE DEJUN MINGHAO BEEF IS KINDA SUBTLE RN BUT IT’LL BE RELEVANT LATER I PROMISE basically dejun is jealous and a little weird + both him and minghao like yuqi and yuqi only likes minghao back (?) maybe ??? we shall see

stop. STOP SKKSKWJDJS IM CRYING ANOANSNAK I HOPED NO INE WOULD ASK ME ABOUT THAT AKCKKKKCKCKKKCKCKKC OKAY I WAS LIKE HALF PROJECTING HALF TRAUAM DUMPING MYSELF SUIRNDG A THIS PAET I PROJEXTED ONTO CHENLE IM SORRY 😭😭😭

i have an older brother who’s smart and a nerd and he went to stanford (everyone say wow and clap bc he’s in debt and technically i could’ve gone but i make smart decisions and NOW I HAVE SLIGHTLY MORE MONEY) ����💪 and i love him a lot. so much. but we came from a really broken family and since he graduated waaay before me he left like way before me, and so i was just left. by myself 😔 i don’t blame him i would lowkey do the same tbh, but it still hurts.

SORRY FOR TRAUMA DUMPING MY NAME IS Y/N L/N AND I COPE WITH HUMOR CAN YOU TELL ??????? 😭😭😭😭💀💀💀💀💀

WAIT IM SO GLAD ABOUT THE PERSONAL FEEL. like i try to imagine i’m writing from my own group chats. usually i’m the dejun of the group and i get ignored 😔 but i also can be very serious sometimes so it depends. but usually i think about how like some people are on the same wavelength as each other and some people aren’t and those people really click so i try to imitate that here as well. 🫡🫡 idk if that makes sense i hope it does.

RANKING AHHHSHJSJ ?????

IDK RANKINGS BUT I REALKY LIKE

spicy, life’s too short, next level, drama, licorice, hold on tight, supernova and lucid dream atm from them it changes

[listening505]

nightcall | james hetfield

part7: "there's something inside you, it's hard to explain"

other parts

a/n: im sorry the more I translate the more I understand how cringe this is I was 15 or something when I wrote this

Oh, James, it was like you had a hot iron in your hand and you were just playing with my heart.

~

For several months, our relationship had reached such a point that neither of us could predict where it would end. We were just getting on with this thing. We were together. At least physically we were, but it was in front of our eyes that our minds and souls had long abandoned each other.

We opened our cards, James. Mine were not a surprise; you already knew that I was desperately in love with you and that my doors were always open to you, no matter what the circumstances. But you were full of surprises for me. You always have been, darling. You always used to surprise me and tell me how cute you found that funny expression on my face got. Time was passing, but some things never changed, and these surprises of yours were one of them. You left my mouth wide open in amazement again, James, but this time you didn't have very good news.

It was really surprising for me to find out that you started a regular relationship with one of those women you sleep with. Right after I saw a second cell phone you were using and all those conversations in it, I felt like the world was falling on me. I'm not kidding. The whole earth and heaven, even as God is my witness, I felt all that pain to the very depths of my body.

I could have accepted anything; I even accepted that you were with other women, but how could I allow you to share the love you feel for me with another woman? How would my poor mind cope with this? No, it couldn't.

I was losing my mind, James.

I'm wondering, why didn't you just take a gun and put it to my head and save me from all this torture? It wouldn't even matter, because I don't feel like I've been alive for a long time anyway. Every breath I take is from a barbed wire piercing my throat; every day I live is no more than twenty-four hours that I spend trying to reach the end as soon as possible.

I think I'll never forget it, James, you made dinner for us that night. We were chatting and laughing, taking sips in a hurry as if we were racing to finish the bottle of wine in front of us. That evening our heads flew so high that we almost felt like in the old days. I almost thought that you loved me unconditionally again, that you loved only, only me. What a childish, what desperate phrase, isn't it ?

When you turned on the radio after dinner and asked me to dance, and only five minutes later we found ourselves on the couch laughing, I wanted to die because in the morning all the colors would fade away, and the dark days would line up again to beat us. If I had died there at that moment, James... I wish God had taken pity on me a little at that moment and I wouldn't have been able to witness the sunrise the next day.Time was flowing fast like the wine down our throats, James. But it seemed as if everything was in a hurry that night, more than usual. Could we have gone back to those crazy days when we were eighteen? Because you know, how many mistakes we made when we were eighteen. How much trouble we've been in.

We went back to being eighteen that night and we made a huge mistake.

[narwhalandchill]

ok misc stream thoughts!!!

ANYWAY livestream over nice 30 pulls of aventurine funds for anni!!!! they didnt do anything insane but honestly it was kinda cope to expect them to, ratio for free was clearly a more of a spontaneous move and hes available throughout anniversary anyway so the "another 5*" were.... a little over the top im sorry wjkjwdjkwdjk altho i wouldnt have complained obviously. a free himeko or sth couldve been on theme for the cosmodussy event but eh cant be helped

im actually glad for the skippability of the reruns 😭😭 like i have luocha n jingliu (+ LC for latter) so by skipping acheron for now im gonna have a nice time getting aventurine and most likely his LC (2/3 of his 4* LC selection is so sad tho), love that fucker hope he gets to do proper mayhem in story too. cool death talk please dont actually die yourself for real for real tho i will be sad. like i do think its based of aventurine to pull off a stunt that appears to be what we in the business might call a certified chapter 5 komaeda moment but. ahahaha nooo dont actually die youre such a funny hat man .

(also sick boss form is sick but . bootleg FL im sorry aventurine. they hit perfection already and theyre never fucking topping the galaxy cape cyclops eye beak mask drip i swear JSWJWJDKWJKDWJK but also yes me biased? in favor of that ginger? i could never)

but it seems ill have a solid time getting aventurine and saving up for now??? since i dont think im too interested in robin or boothill either. i was kinda worried topaz' rerun would be in 2.1 for IPC antics with aventurine bc i am kinda curious abt pulling for her but now its gonna be 2.2 at the earliest so. Phew

the stream ran a bit too long lmao but like overall i tend to like the dev discussions so most of it was still neat, altho downside of dev streams is that not knowing chinese i cant just like. afk and listen on headphones and go get water or something 💀💀 and they were definitely dragging stuff out on purpose no way they werent but eh. people will live its just bideo game livestream. and like these folks do hard work on the game they can yap about what they do sometimes its only right lmao

leakers public shaming session was definitely a jumpscare but i do genuinely empathize w shaoji on that one. like. ive always been one for kit + banner leaks first and foremost and story leaks just. i dont care for them much. ive had my share of looking at them occasionally but i definitely agree with the way story leaks either by themselves or when misconstrued and misinterpreted really fucking mess with the intended experience for any given story and how that must feel like shit for the writers. like if story leaks stopped happening altogether id be perfectly content. and thats just ppl who look at story leaks on purpose cuz. im not going to even begin w how like. yes the leaks subreddits and most big leakers do spoiler warnings and keep the story stuff spoilered. but then theres literally the entire rest of the internet where shit gets spread untagged and without warnings the second they are posted anywhere at all and how that fucking ruins peoples experiences. like its 1 thing to click at a spoiler tagged post knowingly and get ur experience messed up with. but when u dont even want to see it its rly fucking bad and i v well understand condemning all story leaks (even those properly flagged) just on that basis alone. but yeah actually felt bad for him there and see where he was coming from for sure, even as a consumer of leaks

ok well that sure was a wall of text. didnt expect to write that much JWJKWJKDDWJK but ya

Anyway. biggest priority is holding strong w skipping acheron as sick as her animations are but def looking forward to her teaser and the animated short. like . even with the black swan dykery. (that was a fucking jumpscare too). i dont need her rn. despite how cool she is 😭😭

& also have to say im v happy they clarified their stance on hi3rd references like. the way theyre going abt it is absolutely how it should be going. hsr by nature is more directly linked to hi3rd like honkai is in the name but its such a dumbass idea (like some fan takes out there....) to want the stories of hsr depend on another games lore. rewarding old fans with easter eggs and tidbits is perfectly fine and im even interested in seeing where they go with acherons obvious raiden situation - especially knowing theyre not about to ruin their own story with "it was hi3rd all along!" (not that i ever rly thought theyd seriously blunder that bad lmao 💀) . so yea thats neat

i think story wise im not gonna say much of my thoughts bc unfortunately i have clicked on like. a leak or four. not the major stuff i dont think but enough that commenting on stuff w some of the things im aware of in the periphery is going to tint stuff . but im still excited to see where things go!!!

AAND OH. ACTUALLY i do have one more thing . so the multiple POV thing being actually implemented is SOOOO good im so fucking happy theyre committing to it being a thing 😭😭😭 like SO many story pitfalls can be avoided by just letting it be that TB doesnt need to be fucking everywhere a major thing happens as the centerpiece of events so we as players can see it. like it gives a way of showing different events and sides of characters in a much more natural manner its sooo good that theyre implementing it already. like this alone has me in such high hopes for the story going forward. like yea theyve branched from our POV before already and in penacony as well but expanding on it even more is 100% the correct way forward

last thing: god they did jingliu so dirty in her concert illustration. WHAT is she wearing 💀💀💀anyway yeah lesgo 2.1 its cool

i lied real last thing: siobhan . siobhan i would do anything---

[hearts4farryn]

July 19, 2023

TW! ed, sa, addiction, basically dead dove don’t eat

After years of an ed, I finally find myself on Tumblr; the HOLY GRAIL of disordered people. You’d think after 3 years of therapy, several hospital trips, and multiple attempts i’d learn my lesson. At this point I think I just like wallowing in my mental illnesses. Once quarantine started, I just went spiraling down a path in the wrong direction. But this year has been the most wild point of my life. It’s funny, a couple weeks ago my step-dad asked me if I had hit rock bottom. His question didn’t sprout from just a few of my life’s mishaps though. My biological dad who lives across the United States sent my and in-depth suicide note through his Gmail; causing me to stress over him for weeks. A few months earlier I had been raped by a man in his 20’s, but he got shot 2 weeks after. Karma’s a bitch when it needs to be. And finally, the cherry on top, my parents and relatives found out my therapist was grooming me. I knew that his sexual advances towards me weren’t necessarily normal, but he has told me countless times I was “one of a kind” and he “thought about me often.” The worst part of him grooming me was people finding out. I could handle that my middle aged therapist (who was actually very cute!) found me attractive and had other plans than me just being a client to him. I didn’t mind it. Being victimized and the stress of taking legal action was a completely different topic. Thank God, my parents decided to stray away from the police. I’ve already had enough encounters with them anyway. Back to my step-dad saying I hit rock bottom, I already knew I hadn’t. Not even a week after he asked, I overdosed on my bedroom floor with Euphoria playing in the background. No fucking joke. This was also not on purpose (surprisingly) and I had been using for a long time before this. My blue leds were on too. My mom found me in my bed; grey-faced, convulsing, while my friend held back tears as she watched death almost swallow me whole. My mom dragged me to the floor, called 911, and started CPR. Mind you I was in a thong and bra during all of this. EMTS eventually arrived at my house and I woke up to lights flashing in my eyes and realizing everyone there has seen me half naked. I cried in the ambulance and apologized to the officer beside me countless times. To be honest, he was probably getting pissed and how much i was whining and the amount of “I’m so sorrys” i was throwing out there. If anyone out there has experienced addiction and thought, “oh! there’s no way that’ll happen to me! i know what i’m doing.” There is always a way. ALWAYS. Especially with hard shit. I’ve been sober since then and hope to continue, but i still haven’t processed it fully. Instead of realizing it was a very serious situation, I just giggle at the thought of it and move on. Anyways, all this crazy shit has sprouted into my life after my first heartbreak. I had been cheated on after I poured everything into a relationship. At the same time, what did I expect out of a teenage boy? I won’t go too in depth about that, it’s always the same story for everyone. Now Im about 2000 miles from home, with my childhood best friends. It’s a nice and quiet break from everything. I just kind of relive the same day and don’t have to worry about being around my triggers. These 3 weeks have been the easiest weeks to get clean. I just hope i stay clean, i honestly never know. Without a therapist, I’m just going to have to figure shit out on my own and hope I’m doing life right. This year I’ll be going into my sophomore year of high school, and I kind of can’t wait for summer to be over. But first I need to be skinny!! I want to be sickly. That’s just kind of what I’m relying on to cope right now. If anyone needs to rant in my dms they are always welcome, I am here for this community! I get it. This is my first update here, I’m not sure if anyone will read it but hi if u do! Thank you for listening!

xoxo

farryn

[mouseratz]

silent Hill 2 thoughts (please no spoilers I just got to an important part with maria/around 3f of the Brookhaven hospital):

- this is a very fun game similar to the first entry and already has a stronger story than game one.

- it is, however, far more sexual/has sexual overtones, so like, don't play this one on a big screen around kids. not that most people do with horror games anyway, but I was a kid who grew up watching horror movies and my family play other horror games (like some of the resident evils) and this would've been too much for me. I think it serves a narrative purpose though & is presented really weirdly/interestingly so this isn't a criticism, just like, if you haven't played it, now you know.

- PS3 version is far buggier than the PS1 silent Hill one, which I find funny, but whatever, I'm gonna play the one I've got, you know. (I've also heard this was due to a lot of development shenanigans, including the studio they had revising the game losing the original build of the PS2 version, but man, it doesn't just look a little worse, this game has crashed on me like twice lmao.)

- the graphics aren't terrible, they certainly don't look better than the PS2 version but are at least comparable.....but even then, neither really match up to the stunning quality of the first game. It still has a lovely and creepy atmosphere, but very genuinely, I can see too much. I don't actually want to see the character's facial expressions, as uncanny as they may be- there was something eerie and charming about the PS1 blurred, smushed-up faces, sharp angles, and dark corners of the world.

- the soundtrack however IS an improvement, building on what works while delivering it through not-ps1 hardware, the haunting melodies and tense ambiences are better than ever.

- most of what I have bad to say about it are simply visual preference or complaints about the specific version I have (the PS3 version also just has shitty load times overall, like traversing the world literally feels like it takes longer in this one than the PS1 game. wtf)

- I do have at least one story nitpick though: I don't care what you have to say about all of the characters being flawed/morally grey, the only fat character (Eddie) being associated with food and emetophobia related horrors is fucked up. he's also depicted as fairly stupid & incurious, in addition to being the star of the few unironically "comedic" moments I've encountered in the game so far. this hardly ruins the game by any stretch but it is something I don't like about it.

- I also ......really like most of the enemy designs but they aren't as scary to me. Idk if it's because I just got used to the design sensibilities of this series or because I can see them better/another visual preference or because they're just not as scary so far. idk. Pyramid head guy IS scary, but not because of how he looks- he may as well be a horny cosplayer from a series I've never heard of. I could see this guy on tiktok. I'm sorry. what's scary about him is the way he moves and how differently he behaves from the other monsters, and how he always seems to be either lurking behind you or one step ahead of you. he kind of just looks like a guy in a funny outfit to me.....maybe it's just because we live in the age of internet horror & this game was likely inspirational to many people, so I'm just kind of, already "oh okay" about seeing that type of guy....

-i don't want anyone to take away "oh mouse HATES silent Hill 2" nooo Im still loving it Im just having a different experience than with the first one. if anything, this game is more compelling story wise AND more player friendly (other than the bugs....but I assume the PS2 original lacks most of whats gone on here). I just really like crunchy and obtuse visuals and I'm coping with the loss of them. why can I see James's face. This is a crime