#it's real goofy and just dumb like there's nothing else to it

[rimurutempest]

I watched all of modern Doctor Who and these were my favorite episodes.

If you told me back in 2015 that I'd watch the entirety of modern Doctor Who, I'd probably think you're a liar. But, a cute girl wanted to watch Doctor Who with me, and how do you tell a cute girl “No?” Being that of the Superwholock trinity, Doctor Who the least upsetting of the three, I figured “Why not?” I mean, it's enjoyed by thousands and thousands of people, surely it has merit for existing, right?

And, it does! There are many great episodes that I really enjoyed (not to mention a lot of schlock I hated). I even enjoy some of the old serials and that 1996 movie is pretty fun (so very 90s). I can't claim to have seen all of Doctor Who, there is a lot of old stuff I'm probably never going to know even exists, not to mention all the spin offs and audio dramas, there's no way I can get through it all. But, I have seen the modern run, starting with Christopher Eccleston all the way to Ncuti Gatwa in Empire of Death.

Annnnd, anyone that knows me knows I love to rank and review episodic tv shows. So, with that said, here are my 15 favorite episodes of modern Doctor Who:

15 - Dalek (S01, E06)

It is probably unsurprising to any Doctor Who fan to see this episode on the list. The Eccleston era was my introduction to Doctor Who (as I'm sure it was for a lot of people) and this episode was my introduction to the famous villain, the Daleks. It's really a wild way to be introduced to the Daleks when you think about it, the Doctor and his companion Rose end up in an underground museum of alien artifacts out in Nevada and find the man that runs it has a Dalek in captivity. Upon learning of the Dalek's existence, the Doctor goes on a campaign to kill it with extreme prejudice until Rose yells at him about how he's being this horrendous person – which makes the doctor have a “Maybe I'm the baddie” moment and it resolves peacefully. Genuinely is really a good episode about moving on and realizing that we all have good and evil in us. A true standout of the early modern run of the show.

14 - The Impossible Planet & The Satan's Pit (S02, E08&E09)

There's a spectrum when it comes to Doctor Who, there are episodes that are gorgeous and smart and well thought out, then there are episodes that are just absolutely ridiculous. If Dalek explores the prejudice that can be enacted by those we see as “good,” then this duo of episodes is “what if the Christian devil was real and he was in space.” This is such an unbelievable hit of stupid bullshit, but it's delivered so very well. The first episode is loaded with mystery and adventure and unknown horror, while the second episode introduces the goofy concept in whole but still somehow grounds it enough that it still feels like a real plot with real stakes. It's the acting. The actors really sell this one to you. Space Satan is not what I expected when getting into this show but hey, it works and I like it.

13 - Blink (S03, E10)

I'm going to be honest with you, I feel like the internet really hypes up the Weeping Angels to a point that when you finally encounter them you're like, “Oh that's all?” Every episode of Doctor Who with the Weeping Angels feels underwhelming, silly, dumb, boring, with one exception: the original. I will not try to convince you that Blink lives up to the hype that the fandom has built for it, but if you can watch it without the Superwholock kind of bullshit in your head, what you'll find is actually a pretty good story. One of the best of the show. If the angels existed for this one episode and nothing else, they may have stood as the best antagonist of the show, but they got overused. I'm not going to explain the episode, I'll end up overhyping it more, just watch it.

12 - A Town Called Mercy (S07, E03)

I never see anyone really talk about this episode and it makes me wonder if maybe I'm alone in thinking it's great, which if so, oh well. I like westerns. The long and short of this is the Doctor and his companions, Amy and Rory, arrive in the old west to find a town with electricity too early and an alien cyborg gunslinger hanging outside of town hunting the town physician who turns out to be an alien that committed some horrific space crimes. The episode feels like a fun, loving homage to the western genre while once again exploring those aforementioned qualities of good people can be bad and vice versa. It's a fantastic little romp for the cast and these are the kinds of episodes that made the show fun to watch.

11 - Midnight (S04, E10)

Does this count as a bottle episode? The one thing I have to give the cast of Doctor Who is that when they decide it's time to really act, they act very, very well. This episode is completely carried by the acting of David Tennant and his supporting cast. In this episode, the Doctor's companion Donna sits one out while the Doctor takes a shuttle bus to go see a waterfall, until some unknown alien starts taking over people's bodies. This is a very, very well done episode that shows that you don't need elaborate set dressing or endless action to make good television, you just need good actors.

10 - The Devil's Chord (S14, E02)

I realize this might be controversial to say, but Ncuti Gatwa is my favorite actor to portray the Doctor. He's a fantastic actor and the energy he brings the role is so different and wonderful. When it comes to media, people typically don't like to hear you praise the modern bits over the older stuff, but this most recent run of Doctor Who with Gatwa is consistently more interesting and enjoyable than any other season of Doctor Who (that's probably Davies doing).

That all said, The Devil's Chord is a wild episode. I previously said that Doctor Who has a spectrum, from really great story telling to really goofy. If Midnight is the great story telling, then The Devil's Chord is the goofy. In this episode the Doctor and Ruby must face off against Maestro, the God of Music, who wishes to take all music from the world. The energy of this episode is wild, with Ncuti Gatwa's take on the Doctor going up against the insanely wild trickster character Maestro, who is portrayed by the trans actor Jinkx Monsoon. If you've fallen off of late Doctor Who, or you are completely new to it, please give this new season a watch (and don't let the Beatles jump scare at the beginning stop you, I swear there's no Beatles music!).

09 - The Empty Child / The Doctor Dances (S01, E09&E10)

If you're starting your Doctor Who watch at the beginning of the modern series, this will probably be the first episode that strikes a real chord with you (well, other than Dalek that is). This was the show's first real attempt at telling a horror story, one that is sort of zombie adjacent. This bizarre World War Two story with a child in a gas mask morphing people's bodies and existences into more versions of himself is one of the more original stories in the entire Doctor Who series, no one but Eccleston and Billie Piper could have sold this so well. Not to mention the introduction of Jack Harkness! (We'll uh...we'll ignore the actors conduct for this...)

08 - Planet of the Ood (S04, E03)

This is not the first time we meet the Ood, they were in the aforementioned Impossible Planet episodes, however this is when the Doctor finally does what he should have from the very start. The Ood are essentially a slave race, and in Planet of the Ood, they finally start to act out and revolt. The Doctor, as unpolitical as he has always been according to some people, decides “Yeah! Slaves are wrong!” and starts working with Ood Sigma (who becomes a recurring character kind of) in freeing the Ood. This episode also has one of the sickest, most awesome, kinda horrific effects in all of Doctor Who. Above all else, this episode is just very beautifully shot and well made. One of the highlights of the entire series.

07 - The Day of the Doctor (50th Anniversary Special)

Exploring the Doctor's mind during the Time War is such a cool concept. It's a thing the Doctor keeps referring to as this horrific, life changing thing for him, and getting even a glimpse into it is guaranteed an amazing time. Featuring both David Tennant and Matt Smith, while bringing on John Hurt of all people because Eccleston wouldn't reprise his role, the acting talent in this special is incredible and genuinely so wonderful to watch. At the end of the day, it's a really, really good Doctor Who romp and deserves any praise it gets.

06 - The Waters of Mars (2009 Autumn Special)

Pic from the BBC. Theirs looks better than anything I could get.

Hey look! It's the Hugo award winning special! And I only put it at number six!

Everything about this special is so fucking cool. The set designs, the costumes, the fucking monster itself, everything in this is so cool. You know how people always joke about horror needing to be wet? Well this is wet horror. David Tennant puts in so much effort here, struggling with what he wants to and what he has to do, the Doctor is really pushed to some stressful limits here that has such a fantastic end to it. Even if you disagree with where I placed it on this list, there is no doubt that The Waters of Mars is among the best stories Doctor Who has ever put out.

05 - The Impossible Astronaut / Day of the Moon (S06, E01&E02)

This is one that's probably going to get some pushback. I am an X-Files fan, it's my favorite show, love it when it's great and I love it when it's trashy. This two part season opening is the most X-files like the show ever gets, and I am so into it. The opening mystery of the episode sets up a really cool overarching concept for the season (don't ask if it's resolved well, please don't ask that) while introducing us to one of the coolest enemies Doctor Who ever made (please don't ask if they stay that way, please don't ask that). Everything about this is so fun and interesting and I hope others come out of it feeling the same way.

04 - Voyage of the Damned (2007 Christmas Special)

Pic from IMDB.

DOCTOR WHO TITANIC IS VERY GOOD!! Sorry for yelling. For a long while this sat as my absolute favorite episode of Doctor Who. Journeying alone on a rare occasion, the Doctor finds himself spending Christmas aboard the space Titanic (I am not kidding, they named it the Titanic!) and as the name of the ship would imply, tragedy strikes. This story is really wonderful, we get to see the Doctor try his hardest to save people and show love and kindness to so many people, not to mention having a group of characters instead of one companion to explore. I especially love the Van Hoff couple, who are two fat and poor people who won tickets to come aboard what is a wealthy cruise. Everyone around them is rather classist and fatphobic to them, but of all they characters in the special, they exhibit real happiness and love and their devotion to one another is genuinely so wonderful.

As I said, this one stood as my favorite episode for a long time. And, you don't really need to see any previous episodes to watch it, so please go watch it. It's a fun time.

03 - The Giggle (60th Anniversary Special)

I don't know what the wider fandom's thoughts on the 60th Anniversary Specials are, so I don't know if this is a controversial take or not. But, The Giggle highlights everything that is great about Doctor Who. It tips its scales back into the goofy part of the spectrum, but that goofiness is ultimately what makes this such a fun and interesting special. When thinking of actors like Neil Patrick Harris, who are so big and popular and well known celebrities, you forget that the popularity came from the fact they're good at their craft, and if The Giggle did anything for me, it was reminding me that yes, Neil Patrick Harris is an outstanding actor. And, getting put with a returning David Tennant and Catherine Tate really just solidified this special as some of the best acting the series has to offer.

The scene where the Toymaker forces the Doctor and Donna to watch a puppet show about the fates of the Doctor's companions is one of the best meta commentaries the show ever did about itself. The introduction of Ncuti Gatwa is pulled off in a fantastic way. And, the ending is so heartwarming that it makes makes me happy they brought Tennant's Doctor and Donna back.

02 - Heaven Sent (S09, E11)

I previously said that Ncuti Gatwa stands as my favorite Doctor. But, before the Gatwa episodes were out, my favorite was Peter Capaldi. Though Capaldi was given some of the worst scripts of the series (Jodie Whittaker probably got the worst of the worst), he brought such a different interpretation to the Doctor. David Tennant and Matt Smith's Doctors, despite their differences, were largely the same characters. Capaldi's had more of that Eccleston-esque attitude and charm, while bringing this gravitas that makes the silly moments feel real emotionally.

Which brings me to Heaven Sent, which might be the pinnacle of acting in the series. When people think of the best Doctor Who episodes, they probably expect big action and lots of adventure, but to me, the most interesting parts of Doctor Who are when we explore the Doctor as a character. What makes him tick, what makes him who he is, why is he here doing this – exploration of the Doctor and his motives is spectacular, especially when done right. Heaven Sent follows the Capaldi Doctor, after the death of his companion, imprisoned in a castle where he must reveal all his secrets. The torture and sorrow that Capaldi is able to show on his face is both horrifying and spectacular, really showing that he is an outstanding actor. There is no other piece of television like Heaven Sent.

01 - Vincent and the Doctor (S05, E10)

I don't think this is a surprise to anyone. I'm sure everyone has seen the gifs go around of the Doctor taking Vincent van Gogh to the future to see how his work is revered and loved and how moving that scene is. What I don't think most people know is how after that scene, after Vincent has been put back in his own time, the museum doesn't change. There are no new paintings. Amy, the Doctor's companion, then must learn that love and praise alone do not cure mental illness.

This episode has a haze of melancholy. The Doctor may change history plenty of times, but he doesn't often change real events. So, from the very beginning, you know van Gogh's fate, and you know it won't be changed. I actually liked this episode' portrayal of mental illness, it really is something that affects our lives, and makes it hard (if not impossible) to fit into society. How people with mental illness are often outcast, harassed, and treated like subhumans. But, this episode also shows happiness, hope, and love. And, that people do love you, no matter what you may think.

And, I think that makes it the best episode of modern Doctor Who.

Tumblr has decided that adding my full episode rankings would make this post too long. So, I will be adding them in a second reblog (check notes if you want to see!)

[beatcroc]

hi. vore on main. no that's it that's the post this is straight up genuinely and unironically voreposting on main. mostly just a lot of cutsey dumb goofy shit, but monsterfucker brain did get ahold of me for a bit there so there's also a handful that are uhhhh Spicy. nothing explicit, but like, It's Vore Dude, so if you look under the cut that is YOUR problem ok? ok.

ok listen before i move on i have to put it out there look i KNOW i drew the funny rat skeleton comic with this guy but that was ONLY because it was funny. thats not my real belief, he doesn't have any organs at all he is just a sack of gunk. he is harmless. it's basically just the same inside as on the outside but slightly more damp since it's not exposed to air to give him that drier 'skin' layer.

also i already typed this out in my friendserver so im pasting it here now too. my stance on fp re: horniness is i really can't see him as a 'sexual' being, per se, especially with how non-biological he is, but also he really really really likes physical intimacy so if you are giving him permission to be weird and touchy on you in any context, let alone one both parties would enjoy, i mean. he's not gonna say no. this Could be about sex or w/e if someone wanted to fuck him but more relevantly here yeah it's about vore. i think that's categorically about the Most you can be touchy/in contact on a guy so yeah thats always what he's going to go for. tangentially he just thinks it's fun to make peppino* flustered so since pep does not particularly Enjoy being vored, fp has other options to Get Up In There for something else pep might enjoy *spoken generally for whatever theoretical partner, just peppino is the one that's readily available here and fun to use

also while im here id like to say. no peppino is not a monsterfucker are you kidding me. he is not going to ever go out of his way for weirdness. weirdness really has a way of finding him though, and he's shockingly tolerant of it as long as he doesn't clock it as a threat. anyway what im saying is if you got a big clingy beast around and al up in your business all the time shits just gonna kinda Happen sometimes. he's certainly not going to Encourage it but if hes already in that situation, might as well at that point.

[seireitonin]

Quick rant on some stupid discourse

“This fandom doesn’t take horror seriously!1!!1!1 it’s just a bunch of ocs!1!1!1!1😡” Bro, Creepypasta has always been goofy af. Even the word“Creepypasta” sounds goofy. Literally every Creepypasta Character is someone’s oc, made my a traumatized angsty teen or young adult in 2011-2016. You expect us to read some silly shit like Jeff the Killer and be shaking in our boots? (Still like Jeff btw) Get real. I like the “realistic and scary” portrayals of the Creepypasta characters too! But I also love fanon. This fandom was literally based off fun. I hate when ppl come with this “im better than you” mindset bc they don’t like fanon/ want them to be scary only. I really can’t stand it. This fandom has always been based on fun and comfort. Everyone made the popular Creepypasta characters for fun and sometimes to vent/ be a self insert. Ppl are acting like we didn’t have comics and fics where they lived in a mansion together and chilled like a family with a y/n insert because ppl were comforted by these characters , myself included. Ppl act like we didn’t always have goofy/ silly fan art. Ppl act like these aren’t vent characters that brought comfort to lots of ppl. Ppl act like the creators themselves didn’t make silly, goofy fun content with their own characters. (Laughing jack, ticci Toby, bloody painter, etc for example all their creators drew them/ portrayed in fun ways in content I still rewatch) Let’s not forget our roots. Creepypasta (the character based side of it) is still so loved and popular because of the fun stuff like that that people can look back on fondly. Why does it make you so mad that ppl want to use the characters differently than you/ make fanon content? So these “ocs” are only decent/ okay when you use them your way and have your seal of approval??? Please be serious. This is coming from someone who likes Fanon and canon. One isn’t better than the other. You’re not better than everyone else because you want to make them “realistic and scary” let that mindset go. Let people have fun. Let people find comfort where they want. Seeing people having fun and being comforted shouldn’t make you mad. The block button exists and is free. Just block them and only interact with the side of the fandom you want to see. There’s multiple sides of it. I block content I don’t want to see all the time. Doesn’t mean I hate these people or their content, I just don’t want to see it personally. But I don’t go around unironically shaming people for content I don’t like. Because that’s dumb. (Unless it’s something awful like using offenderman, demonizing mental illness etc I have called people out for this, semi - respectfully before) Shaming people for not portraying Creepypasta characters made my angsty teens and adults in the way you specifically want to see them/ be portrayed is just so silly. This fandom doesn’t revolve around you and what you want. Or anyone for that matter. Respect other people. No one’s “better” than anyone. Because everyone sees and uses and portrays the characters differently and that’s always been the best part of this fandom. The freedom, creativity, fun and comfort. That’s how it’s always been. Nothings changed.

[fandomkingdom18]

seven curtis brothers au but it's their family dynamics hcs

for @wannabe-goth-babe who commented and i just couldn't resist making another list of hcs

since two bit is all goofy, friendly as a kid growing up to present day, he's always been close with his siblings but ever since their parents passed, he had to slow some of his bad habits to help provide for his brothers as the only other newly legal adult in his family

so while he helps (or at least tries to) darry manage all the stuff he's responsible for, he also spends his time keeping morale up while darry is busy

but steve and soda would usually already be doing something cause they're nerds (probably a whole ahhh championship for arm wrestling)

and johnny would usually be with pony since dally is often out

but when he wasn't he would sometimes be in the middle of losing to johnny in some card game

so pony would just sit somewhere and read or be at the piano, playing around with some melodies and two-bit couldnt tell if pony was lonely or just in the zone

but two still would walk over and look at his sheet music and ask him what he was playing because he would usually recognize it because a lot of the sheet music was put together by their mother who would always play it to them

and while everyone else is minding their own business, two would sit down at the piano next to pony

and pony would teach him the things their mother taught him, since two had never wanted to learn, something he he regretted after losing their parents. passing up on chances to spend time together

and two didn't wanna make that mistake again

he learned how to identify the keys and play a few chords

and two played the lower harmonies with those chords while pony played the higher melody

(guys im picturing the scene from the princess switch if you know what i mean except platonic)

(therefore lets pretend its christmas time or smth for a moment and they're playing carol of the bells :D)

and their brothers would hear and turn around and look on in amazement because respectfully, its hard to get two-bit to sit down for extended periods of time. especially at the piano.

and after they finished the song, two would ruffle at pony's hair, pull him close into a side hug and thank him for being so patient with him

and pony feels all happy since no one really had time for something like that because no one else likes music as much except darry and he always has something to do

but two-bit was always good at making him feel seen

like two bit has common sense but he's still techncially a teen so sometimes he and pony would sneak out and do silly dumb things and go to the playground and joke around before sneaking back home as if nothing happened

mostly cause two knows that pony hasn't had as many opportunities to be a real teen since he was freshly a teenager when their parents passed so two just wants to make it feel real for him

and while two is technically still enrolled in school, he doesn't have to go. so when ponyboy or someone else is sick or smth he stays home to take care of them and cheer them up so darry doesn't have to miss work

and like brother, like brother, two and pony are both insanely stubborn when they're sick and stubborn in trying to help each other so it's chaos but they make it work in the end

unlike steve and pony when they were home alone together after catching the same cold

if they weren't so fatigued and sick they would've really went at each others throats

instead it's steve laying on the couch and pony across darry's arm chair trying to figure out how the other is responsible for the cold going through their family

(they've always had a rocky relationship)

if you were to ask steve why he "hates" ponyboy

he would say it's because the kid is a brat who has it better than the rest of them since he doesn't need to get a job and get in the stuff that mostly dally gets into

but if you were to ask him on a deeper level

he would say he's jealous. because for a while he and soda were closer than pages in a book and of course after johnny was born, they were all fussing over him, but with pony it was even more since he was the littlest of the littles

and pony always had to be included and as time went on, steve not only lost attention from his brothers, but also his parents

(and steve isn't the only one who feels like this)

(cough cough two bit cough cough dally)

dally practically got over it when he got older and two bit just ignored it for so long that he just doesn't think about it.

(it was real hard for two because he and darry had been so close but he knows that everyone else is more important)

if you were to ask ponyboy why he thinks steve hates him

he would say its because steves a dumbass who focuses all his willpower into making his life too difficult.

but if you were to ask him on a deeper level

he would say it's because he thinks hes annoying and holding everyone down

that he's too sentimental and stupid for wanting something beyond a greaser in tulsa

pony genuinely thinks that darry, steve, and dally only put up with him since johnny, soda, and two-bit do

they're working on it

or at least they're going to

youngest bro of seven on the east side of tulsa vibes

like they do NOT let him do anything out of the ordinary or potentially risky

enter ponyboy's rebellious era

(this will be dived deeper into in the fic)

darry is the same except for being more cautious and protective over his brothers

soda's the same mostly with extra love warming his heart and everyone else around him

johnny still is more of a listener than a talker but he's more confident and like soda and darry when it comes to being a curtis bro

dally still has that tough exterior from his time participating in rough gangs but it's the mildest it's been in tulsa

(the curtises have lived in other places, i'll write ab more of this in a post soon)

keith daniel curtis is still a doofus

pony is mostly the same with the trials and tribulations with darry but multiplied by 6

steve is pretty chill. no daddy issues. except for the fact he's dead. just ponyboy issues. everyone else is alright tho.

back when it was only darry, two, and dally, two was playing major middle child because hes always been an outgoing kid, but dally used to be really shy so darry would always cheer him up and two would just sit there like o_o

so basically darry would always make sure dally was alright

but growing up, it became the opposite

dally usually checks in on him and stuff to make sure stuff is going well, offers to take stuff off of him like taking up more shifts at bucks so darry doesnt have to do an overwhelming amount of work

even tho darry was older by a few years, he was always more optimistic and dally hated that their parents just had to die and all of the pieces had to be picked up by darry. he was too young to have all of that on him.

so dally takes matters into his own hands sometimes just so darry gets some rest.

just to return the favor of darry always taking care of them.

[typellblog]

I agree that one of the Whole Points of religion is social control and there are lots of evil reasons for this, but I also think it's so goofy when pro-religion ppl pretend it's nothing like that cuz. Isn't the religion they made up in their head where ppl just hang out and vibe and believe in magic and don't try to influence anyone else ever, also kind of dumb as hell? 😭😭 Like do u believe this shit or not,, if u rly think eternal souls are on the line it would be ridiculous to not try to control others. And they do. But at the end of the they're wrong to do so cuz souls aren't real and there is no hell.

Mhm it's a bit silly, if abortion was actually killing children for example if anything you would expect people to get more mad about it

Although personally if I thought god was real I would be anti-god lol. Hate that bastard

[jacqcrisis]

Alright, stupid scene idea about my dragonborn man that I have that I'm going to put under a readmore since its about Ronan's anatomy and its long:

Actually first, context 1: I hate the dragonborn genitals in game. They suck. They're goofy. I know in lore, dragonborns are technically mammalian, but they also lay eggs and shit, so I'm ignoring human cock and balls much like im ignoring the fact that in game, I cant give my dragon man a strongman chubby bod. For any writing purposes, Ronan has hemipenes and they are inside of him until they aren't.

Context 2: in lore, it seems like by the time BG3 happens, dragonborn have only been around for like...100 years. They are still a pretty new thing to the planet of Toril, and especially to the continent of Faerun, where the game takes place. Not new enough that in a cultural hotbed like Baldurs Gate that you'd be shocked to see a humanoid lizard, but still fresh enough they're still weird and their anatomy isn't common knowledge outside of rumors, erotica stories, and still as of yet published scientific journals.

ANYWAYS

The dumb idea is that since Ronan's a clean boy, in Act 1, first few nights camping together, it becomes pretty clear he doesn't have much shame around his body or who sees it as he strips down near the water to clean off. He's just going to do the thing, people watching be damned, and thankfully the new company he's been keeping all politely look the other way.

Except Gale, who establishes a habit on night one of talking Ronan’s earholes off while he’s washing up. Why is he doing it? What is he up to? What are they talking about?

All questions had by one paranoid member of the party who decides to come over on night three of this to see what’s going on. Gale’s sitting on a rock, nearly falls off it when Astarion makes his appearance. He’s a little pink in the ears, sheepish and stumbling over his words when he explains they were discussing the merits of taking a deal with a cambion like Raphael.

Ronan grunts, back to them, water above his hips and clearly finishing up his washing as Astarion makes pointed comment about how this seems like an interesting occasion to have such a conversation with someone. Gale stutters out weakly that it's not like they’re doing anything else and that its just an efficient use of their time. It starts a small back and forth about Gale's real intentions that Gale is extremely losing but that argument ends rather quickly as Ronan walks out the water, nude and clearly ignoring them while he reaches for his clothes and some dry rags he left near where Gale was sitting, presumably before he was sitting there.

Astarion's mouth clamps firmly shut as he sees a strange lack of…anything discernible between the cleric’s legs. There was already an idea in his mind of who he could seduce in the camp to secure his safety here and part of this charade was to discover what he may have to work in order to do so. But now…

Gale doesn't seem bothered. In fact, he's only gotten redder as he hands Ronan a cloth to wipe down with and continues their conversation from where Astarion interrupted it. Astarion leaves them to it, high tailing it to the rest of the party eating, where he immediately starts asking if anyone's noticed anything strange about Ronan.

Everyone has.

It starts a heated debate. What's going on down there? There's no penis. No vagina. Just a bulge under some wrinkles. How do dragonborns become dragon…borned?

It's mostly between Astarion, Wyll, and Lae'zel as Shadowheart is present but silent and making a sour face about the whole thing. It isn't until Lae'zel suggests, gleefully, Ronan is perhaps a eunuch or maybe castrated for some crime in his past and Wyll wonders if perhaps this is part of being a worshiper of the platinum dragon that Shadowheart speaks up. She snaps that no, that has nothing to do with Bahamut as far as she knows and also this is a very childish and unnecessary discussion to be having about one of their group.

Until Astarion interrupts to ask in a small panic if this is part of having the tadpole in their brains and what if he's slowly starting to turn into one of those things, and that gets Shadowheart’s full, horrified participation. The conversation turns to that; what if this will happen to all of them and is that actually what's happening? Should they be worried? Wouldn't it look…smoother?

Gale parts with Ronan as the dragonborn is now dress and intends to journal, Gale getting shooed with a glare and yet there's a skip in his step during his short trek back to the party, where he is immediately subsumed into the conversation. This makes him giddy as all hell when he realizes what the topic of conversation is and he’s quick to dismiss the more outlandish notions, his too many hours reading ahem non-academic works on the anatomy of various non-humanoid races lending confidence to his lessons on how how their cleric’s whole business probably works. Which is all well and good, until, in the midst of his excited explanation, he lets slip that there is a rumor he’s read, never confirmed of course, heavens forbid he ever ask anyone something like this, that male dragonborns could, perhaps, have a second appendage tucked away.

And then all hell break’s loose again, Wyll standing up and stating he’s going to go do anything else while the other four continue a heated argument about that. Across the camp, with a light spell and his journal in hand, Ronan steadfastly ignores the conversation he’s been catching snippets of. It's not the first time a company he’s joined has taken special interest in parts of him and, if he lives through all this, it probably won’t be the last.

If any of them get the pleasure of finding out, then they should feel so honored.

[owmylasagna-blog]

So, what's the real appeal in Ed/May? I see that this popular, but over all the show I see aproximately zero positive moments/development between them, including in the finale. Nothing positive, I can't think of anything that wasn't one-sided or outright negative. And I think Ed deserves faaar better than her; I don't see him just forgeting all she made and sudenly falling in love with her (fanfics where they're just dating out of nowhere specially irks me) without any explanation or development.

The appeal seems just ''pair the dumb/goofy ones'' (why not Ed/Nazz? Or Ed/Rolf? Or even Ed/Jonny?)

Honestly, I'm under the impression people only ship it as a Beta Couple for Edd/Eddy, and nothing else more. Your reasoning?

Wow I’m actually pretty glad I got this question because I’ve had a half baked post on this very subject that’s been sitting in my drafts for weeks. Now I have a reason to actually share it.

And from the jump, no I don’t ship Ed and May solely because I’m an eddeddy shipper. I actually see some interesting potential here! I also ship Ed wildly because he’s just a lover boi in my mind. Perhaps even most wildly out of the entire cast of the show: I have the receipts for dabbling in edrolf and ednazz but I can really only imagine those pairings as little flings.

So what is it about edmay that works?

Of the three Kanker sisters, May actually seems to be the only one to genuinely have a crush on her preferred Ed. It goes beyond the typical taunting and harassing her sisters subject the other Eds to. The intro to Hanky Panky Hullabaloo is a prime example of this: May makes a mushy valentine and Marie and Lee make fun of her for it. Afterwards the two talk about May behind her back: “Now we know who got mom’s genes.” “Hormones”. I think it's an interesting summary of how the sisters have differing perspectives on relationships and how they think about boys/men. While Marie and Lee are more disenchanted by romance, they see May as more naive and prone to getting emotionally attached in the same way their mom probably falls for one disappointing man after another. Anyway, the point is that I think May cares whether Ed reciprocates those feelings while Marie and Lee don’t with Eddy or Edd.

CUTE!

Now we have Ed’s reactions to May. In the earlier seasons, he doesn’t seem as averse to the Kanker harassment. Honestly sometimes he’s sort of enjoying it or just not bothered at all. I don’t think Ed generally would show his interests or feelings in a very typical way. Actually the most damning evidence that he might actually be attracted at all to May or just girls period are the moments where he is acting the most repulsed by them. We are talking about a 12 year old after all, probably a bit panicked by some new hormones and feelings about “icky girls”: to me, it reads as the early stages of immature boyish attraction.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t include at least one reference to the Ed-cyclopedia that is Kevin Lordi (as per usual), who got the scoop that the writers toyed with the idea of making Ed and May canon in the earlier seasons, even scraped S2 episode where they are caught kissing in the bushes being the basis for HPH (Lordi 2017, 2018).

So what is in this ship for them? I really like exploring this ship because of many of the parallels I see in their characters. I think it’s safe to say that Ed and May are respective outliers in their trios: May being the younger punching bag to her older sisters, Ed sort of being off on his own planet or plane of existence from Edd and Eddy most of the time. I could see both naturally branching out on their own while the remaining two are prone to buddying up. Other similarities, as you mention, also make them a cute pair: they are goofy, a bit ditzy, naturally kind hearted, a bit off beat, a tad (or a lot) gross. Nothing wrong with that!

Both come from pretty bleak home lives, lacking in support or parental nurturing. For this reason, you see them often compensating by being the nurturing types themselves: Ed being the protective big brother to Sarah and his two best pals, May often playing out a maternal fantasy (more than once she plays mommy and baby in the show; coddling Jimmy in BPS). Now just think of a relationship where these two get together!!! Having an outlet for compassion AND on the receiving end of it. I think they have the potential to have a very sweet relationship ripe for healing and personal growth.

I see them coming to appreciate each other with a bit of time and maturity, maybe striking up a friendship first before actually dating later in their teens or early adulthood. Oddly enough I make lots of parallels between Edd and May as well and could easily imagine some aspects of Edd and Ed’s friendship manifesting in edmay. The biggest factor being what I said about May having this maternal care-taker drive. Seeing as the Kanker sisters just about raised themselves and had to grow up really fast, you end up with a very “parentified” child. And if Edd isn’t the poster child for being a parentified kid I don’t know what… Anyway, in the same way that Edd acts as a stand-in parental figure to Ed I think May would quickly take on a similar role. I’m NOT endorsing this dynamic as 100% positive!!! I think it would be complicated! But it’s an interesting ship dynamic nonetheless and I’m trying to explore that in my aged up AU now.

[oogaboogaspookyman]

I'm getting a concept for a series in my head due to The Amazing Digital Circus and Murder Drones...

:)

A GRIM PLACE

Two siblings, a very mean guy and a few other two wake up in a very dark grim world inhabited by strange unsettling townsfolk of all kinds, kinda like The Owl House- actually it's very based on The Owl House now that i think about it

There's one tall man in a suit, who i'm calling Cragas, also a very unsettling resident, whose voice i imagine is like that Trollge voice from The Blueballs Incident but like. Expressive and not robotic, like when he says "oh i'm not gonna kill you, at least not yet" it's not soulless and robotic, it's expressive and lively like- "oho no i'm not gonna kill you... At least not yet~!". Yes his personality is very very Alastor like, as in- he's goofy and really fucking scary and mysterious, very secretive and hides a BUNCH of things

The world this gang is stuck in is called Everdark, a very grim and scary place that reflects our world, all residents in Everdark are mishshapen, bloated, rotting and crumbling people of all colors and sizes and flavours of creepy and gross

Cragas is looking for one thing, a "crystal doohickey that is said to make a god out of a plebian" called Hopematite (yes the crystal is named after hope itself)

The remaining bits of character development and stuff is shown in the form of the gang's diaries like- oh you wanna know what's up with this guy's sudden buff in magic? Here's his diary, you'll learn real quick lol

It's a story with very flawed characters, very dark topics and grim moments and very scary unsettling things ready to drag the gang into the darkness where nobody gets out from EVER, not even DEAD just- gone for GOOD

It's pretty much half edgy half comedy half... Something else ig lmao

Oh yeah the female protag is a woman liker and her brother is aroace, there's a chick in Everdark that she'll simp over for a good while heehoo (and Cragas is very much bait, i find it funny to make a very hot character that wants nothing to do with lovey stuff lol i'm not fucking sorry)

This is my series concept for today enjoy this dumb shit lmao i had a bit of fun writing this stupid stuff

[inbabylontheywept]

So, the funniest not funny thing that I've run into this week is that some guy tried to commit suicide by cop at my facility. He just parked in front of the gate and pressed random codes in until the system locked everything down. We were actually pretty freaked out about it until the security forces came back from the gate and told us about it while laughing. So, first thing to note about the security forces on site is that their normal job is getting on quads with AR-15's loaded with blanks and chasing the deer off site. This is for the deer's welfare (we do not want deer wandering into the microwave testing area) and for ours (we do not want anything to disturb the asbestos pit while we are downwind). These are goofy, cheerful 19 year olds. They have the coolest job in the entire world. They didn't even realize that this could be a real threat, they assumed it was just some dumbass trying to walk in by spam pressing the buttons hoping they'll work. (Button spamming is a surprisingly effective strategy, I am not going to tell you how many codes around the base are just the same four numbers over and over.) Anyway, security arrived at the gate to ask the guy to stop and go away, and the guy took the time to announce that he hated the US military and was a member of ISIS.

The first part is not a big deal, the second part was. The security forces, bless them, decided that this seemed unlikely, but worth testing, so they asked the guy a simple question: Could he say literally anything in Arabic? And the guy say, "Allah."

The security forces were like okay, fair, we set the bar pretty low. Can you say anything else, and the guy literally couldn't. Not even dumb shit like "Kebab." He just kept yelling that he was a real goddamn member of ISIS and demanding that they shoot him. They tried to convince him to move his car, and he said that he was going to refuse to until they shot him, and they were like "What if you moved your car, and then we shot you? In case you can't move your car after being shot," and the guy refused. He then threw rocks over the fence until the security forces backed up like another 20 feet, and told him that everyone there was paid hourly. Then he left. So. You know. Stressful, in the sense that having someone who is dangerously unwell show up at your job and try to provoke violence is stressful. But also funny, in the way that the 19 year old dorks tried to reason with this guy, and the failed bluff check that was their attempt at getting him to move his car. And then him driving off him a huff when he realized that getting paid to do nothing isn't nearly as annoying as he hoped it was. (Security said they got his license when he turned around and passed it on to the police. I have no idea what happened after that, but I can guarantee you that the police will have handled things with less grace and tact than those 19 year olds on their quads.)

[fox-flux]

physics problems 2: still player on a slope

(crossposting from cohost)

you have a player actor. great. heres one. it's lexy

[lexy sprite omitted because tumblr completely fucks it up]

she is standing on a slope. you are savvy at physics and understand that:

gravity will attempt to pull her downwards

she will immediately collide with the slope itself

her remaining motion will be projected onto the slope (roughly equivalent to subtracting the normal force)

she will then slide down the slope.

this is bad, because lexy is not trying to move. neither she nor the ground are made of ice, so surely she can hold herself in place.

but again, you are savvy at physics, so you know what holds her there: friction. so you say, ok, add a bunch of friction.

now you have a problem. the good news is that your physics engine is completely homegrown, so you can explain the problem in excruciating detail. the bad news is that it is your problem to solve for the same reasons. and the problem is that your movement code integrates everything upfront, then performs a motion.

that means you have your current velocity (presumably zero), gravity (pointing downwards), and friction (pointing up along the slope). you add them together in some fashion, and the result can never be zero, even with friction's natural capping behavior — this is just how vector addition works. so lexy will definitely try to accelerate in some direction, and the best you can hope for is that she will try to accelerate exactly towards the ground. but working out how to make that happen requires essentially working backwards from gravity (non-trivial because various effects can interact with gravity) and also just feels real dumb to be doing.

so where did you go wrong?

(an aside: the reason this doesn't happen in the demo is that i also have a cutoff on very small movement, so that little rounding-error levels of velocity don't make things shift a pixel at a time over the course of seconds. but that cutoff is too coarse, and in particular it makes some slow objects just not move on monitors with high refresh rates, so i've reduced it dramatically, and that has caused lexy to slide downhill. i thought i'd fixed this before but apparently i was just masking it by accident!)

i think the problem,

conceptually, is that friction happens at the wrong time. it's integrated with velocity and acceleration accumulated over the course of the last tic before movement is attempted, but friction isn't something that happens in a vacuum. i mean, literally, it won't happen if there's nothing else around. friction is an interaction with another object we're touching, and before we start moving, there aren't any of those!

so it seems like friction should only apply between steps 3 and 4 — after colliding with the ground, before actually moving along it. this is the point at which we know we are, in fact, sliding against the ground. and now we even have the ground available, so we don't need friction itself to be a vector at all, which is kinda convenient.

but that's in the guts of basic motion i... hesitate... to put something like friction in the middle of that. also, what happens if you collide and slide again? does friction apply again? probably not. so it only applies specifically the second time through a loop? that's rather weird. maybe it's okay that it's weird? it does add complexity for "out-of-turn" motion though, like being pushed or climbing a ladder, which probably won't have a big perf impact but does feel inappropriate.

other solutions

skip gravity

i could simply not apply gravity to a player on the ground. i've seen mention of that being done before. but that just feels goofy?? they are trying to move downwards, and on a slippery slope they even should move downwards.

also i have a bunch of objects that care about things landing on them, and this implies some weird special cases (in who knows how many places) for detecting that a player is walking on top of them without actually moving into them. and i have enough special cases as it is man. expressing a physics condition is so goddamn hard. i have the unsettling feeling that this would have other unforeseen consequences as well

a possible upside of this is that it could very well skip an entire movement iteration every tic — currently, a walking player tries to move sideways (for walking) + downwards (for gravity), immediately hits the ground, projects along the ground, and then tries to move a second time. without gravity in there, they'd skip the first collision and move exactly sideways from the beginning.

remember the ground

i do in fact remember the ground (tile or actor or whatever) for each actor, so i could use that to get the friction right upfront.

but what does that mean in practice? i guess it means that the motion vector would be projected along the ground before even attempting to move at all (and then that would be shortened by friction). so it's kind of like skipping gravity — if lexy is standing on flat ground, her attempted motion (straight down) will be projected along the ground (horizontal) and always come out zero.

i guess essentially this combines the other two options — it applies friction to the movement vector, but it skips ahead one attempt by making use of knowledge from the previous frame. it would get the friction stuff out of the movement core, which i like, but it would still make objects not push against the ground, which i don't like.

ah, all the options seem nebulously Not Great, which is always a sign of a fun problem. and don't worry, this gets even more complicated with physics problems part 3

[gobbogoo]

Ranking The TF2 Mercenaries on how long they'd survive in The Amazing Digital Circus:

Ah, the joy of smashing your new and old hyperfixations together like a child playing with action figures... who is this post for? Me, of course!

Weeks:

Demoman: It's a world without alcohol. Even without his physical body's reliance, Demoman's psyche is a patchwork of unaddressed trauma held together entirely by booze. He'd be " jus' a one(thousand) eyed bloody monster" in like a week. Either that or he'd reach some sort of state of enlightened sobriety and discover true inner-peace.

Medic: The man was already balancing on the brink of madness, and being trapped in a world without biological functions and family-friendly restrictions would 100% push him over the edge. He'd initially be very interested in testing the limits of his fellow humans' unique digital bodies, but after a couple weeks all he'd have left would be his sadism, and that'd make him spiral FAST.

Sniper: While seemingly stable, the guy would last a couple months, tops. Sniper is an outdoorsman who takes himself very seriously. He would DESPISE everything about the Circus, from its artificial aesthetics to its goofy antics. He'd go full conspiracy-theorist looking for an exit, shut himself off from everyone else, and inevitably end up exactly like Kafmo.

Years:

Spy: If you were to design a personal hell just for Spy, it would probably look exactly like The Amazing Digital Circus. Tacky colours, goofy antics, all-seeing eyes, and 100% family friendly. He'd cope for a few years just as he put up with the other mercenaries, but it'd inevitably wear him down. Once he became certain he wasn't ever leaving this place, he'd probably consider madness the logical next-best option.

Scout: He'd last quite a few years by turning every adventure into an opportunity to show off, and would bask in every meaningless reward, but his general obnoxiousness would be his undoing. He'd inevitably isolate himself, and at that point Caine's validation would begin to lose its lustre. Eventually he'd have one hell of an existential crisis, and there wouldn't be anyone around to pull him out of it. The family-friendly rules wouldn't help, either.

Decades:

Engineer: Engineer would be able to survive for a good few decades exploring and documenting the circus's inner-workings. His self-reliance and general lack of empathy would ensure he never got particularly attached to anyone else, and his practical outlook would keep him from dwelling on the existential horror of his situation. However, once the projects dried up he'd have nothing to point his extremely powerful mind at, and the boredom would eat him alive.

Heavy: Heavy voluntarily spent something like 30 years isolated with his family on a mountain, and even after working as a mercenary, he was 100% willing to return to that lifestyle until the day he died. So-long as the circus gave him something to punch every now and again, he'd settle into a routine and be perfectly content with it. Madness wouldn't come for him until he was either the only one left, or he'd been there longer than a century, when the mind begins to struggle with the weight of experienced time.

Forever:

Soldier: Soldier has the unique advantage of being very dumb, and in possession of a stable sort of insanity. The existential horror of the circus would never occur to him, and his brand of enthusiastic masochism plus his shoddy memory would mean he'd never grow tired of the endless adventures. He'd treat each and every one like a life-or-death mission given to him by "The President," and would probably forget he was even trapped there to begin with. Because he'd never grasp that it was all fake, I could conceivably see him surviving within the circus indefinitely.

Pyro: Pyro wouldn't just "survive" in The Amazing Digital Circus, they'd THRIVE. It's basically Pyroland made "real." They'd love everything about the place, from the aesthetics to the NPCs to the adventures. Pyro would adore Caine, but more importantly they'd be the first/only person that actually aligns with Caine's skewed understanding/expectation of humans. Caine would likely love having someone who so genuinely loves all his antics. Even if Pyro was the only non-AI left, I can't envision a scenario where they'd ever go mad.

TL;DR:

The Adventures of Soldier and Pyro, from now until the end of time!

[fnaffersblog]

Alright take two.

Spoilers for the sun and moon show episode

the sun and moon episode RUIN Sun TRAPPED Moon in VRCHAT LOLOLOLOL See link above

It's late and EVERYTHING is funny

(Trigger Warning Below Cut for: discussions of violence [Bloodmoon, Jigsaw], discussions of mental health [Sun], swearing, [because I'm incorrigible])

I'll be honest I do NOT like the name Jigsaw. I just simply do not like it. It's just not clicking with me for some reason. It sounds like the name is still up in the air in the show as well, but I hope I settled with it real quick if it does become the canon name for this dude.

I couldn't tell you WHY. It's just not sitting with me yet, which is bothering me because it's such a silly reason to dislike the appearance of a character. Especially since I REALLY like this guy.

yeah ya'll are right. Moon's concern for Sun's wellbeing is endearing

More of a gripe with Security Breach, but they missed an opportunity to call the game Glampire. I mean, come on. It's right there!

I try very hard not to be someone who nips about stuff on the show but the 'watch to the end to see...' is... really annoying. I've had to click off a couple videos because I was just... I dunno, they struck me the wrong way? Like, I'm already watching the episode? I want to watch the episode? I don't want to watch the episode when that thing pops up, makes me feel like I'm being told my attention span is not long enough or something. It feels kinda... insulting? But it feels dumb to call it that. It's just something I'm perturbed by. :/ I feel like I saw someone else mention this somewhere, maybe here or in the comments of a vid. So I hope it's not just a me thing.

I wonder why they started doing that? Maybe people were only watching so far into the videos? I'd be genuinely interested in seeing the analytics of the channel. I know that's not an option lol, but I just like data and looking at data. Correlating it to decisions and stuff. ANYWAY

I've also never understood peoples, like, people point out the cameras a lot as being shorter than normal or taller than normal or shakier and ascribing that to being a character when it just always felt like camera work to me. Cause, you know, it's VR CHAT, they gotta work with what they got.

But I did kind of understand this episode, because all I could imagine as Moon was walking through the Arcade back area was Ruin/Jigsaw/'whatever their name is when it's cemented in the future' doing that goofy, like, long legged cartoon walk where someone's sneakin' around in like tom and jerry or loony toons.

or Sims 4 because this is the closest gif I could find lol

THEY'RE SO GODDAMN MENACING RRRRRRRRRGH

They make me genuinely nervous when they TALK it's so GOOD

Like, my heart clenches up you know what I mean?

"THERE'S NOTHING TO SEPERATE" SLAPPIG MY LEGS SLAPPING MY LEGS YESSSSSSSSSS

BOP IT TWIST IT BREAK IT BEND IT KILL YOUR FAMILY FUCK AROUND FIND OUT SPIN IT

LOL THEY DID IT RIGHT AFTER I DID IM WHEEZING

This guy is so. They're SO interesting to me. They're

They remind me of Bloodmoon. But only a little bit. In, like, a similar but opposite way.

so Bloodmoon, like I've said before, was built for killing. It was weaved into their code from the get-go to be violent. But they also enjoyed it, killing people was something they relished in.

This guy also seems to enjoy killing people, but unlike Bloodmoon, if they are to be believed, they are a fusion between Sun and Moon. As far as we know Sun and Moon were not programmed with any sort of penchant for violence. There was Killcode, but Killcode was a virus before he gained sentience, and if New Moon is anything to base off of, those violence urges were not hard coded into him. And if the AI is to be believed the only two folks in this particular robot are Sun and Moon.

Which seems to me like wherever this want for torture came from, they developed it on their own. Whether that be because of the events of the Ruin DLC or what, I don't know but I'm super excited to see all that unfold.

They also seem to enjoy it differently. Bloodmoon killed his victims, violently. They seemed to enjoy the viscera and gore of murdering people more than the lead up. After all they liked blood.

This guy is much more patient, all the way down to how they speak. They enjoy causing PAIN. It's a game to them, because it's fun. Their enjoyment comes from the torment before the kill. It's why he describes what he's going to do to Moon, I don't even think they mention killing at all, THAT'S what he enjoys.

"Moon suggest a different game! Moon suggest a different game!" Lol

"Rock a bye baby *doge w/dolphin sounds*" Had me crying.

As Jigsaw was following Moon back out of the arcade, they'd pass into a more shaded area and his eyes glowed which was Really cool and also Really unsettling.

"We can make them count as limbs" fuck me he's so unsettling

STOP DOING THE POOR SINNERS HAND BIT STOP IT STOP IT

PUT IT BACK ON THE SHELF

WE'RE PUTTING IT THE CABINET

" I don't owe you anything."

"Yes you do! You owe me a game!" Pouty face. (:(

Should have suggested, like, a vocal rendition of Rush E or The Diva Dance from The Fifth Element or something.

I guess... they're robots though. So maybe notes like that wouldn't affect them. Might have set them on fire thought maybe?

Moon's performance was very nice! It really is a good song for his character. It takes a lot of confidence to sing in front of ANY type of audience.

Jigsaw really takes everything in stride. Moon insults him and he doesn't even respond at all.

The lil' nose boop.

The little head bonk.

"I'm yOU remember?"

OOOHHH He does NOT like cheating OOOOOOHHHHHHHH EFFFFFF

I was wrong there are something's he does not take in stride

I

LOVE him. He is shooting way up on my list of characters I look forward to seeing in episodes.

"Well I'm still standing here!" "And I'm way better than I ever was." LOL

You know I can see no cons of creating a portal gun. I think that would be highly beneficial and there would be no terrible outcomes that ignite from the building of a piece of machinery that allows instantaneous travel between two designated locations via breaking the very fabric of space time. Not a single bad thing could come from making something

Yeah okay never mind

(Sorry I gotta poke a leettle bit of fun at the guy who decided making the Newton Star was a good idea thinking making another high-tech piece of equipment is a good idea. I'll make fun of the satellite too, probably, when it comes around don't ya'll worry)

"Ohhhh NOOOoooo DOn't LEEaave ME MOOOnnn PLEEEeaase." As Moon just turns around and walks away

Followed immediately by a fucking jump scare Jesus Christ

But it worked right? It fucking worked, it lulled me into a false sense of security. Like, this guy who was threatening Moon's limbs not seven minutes earlier went into goofy silly clown mode and I fell for it sooooo, like. It worked.

It sounds like this was the first time Moon actually said anything about his trip to another dimension to Sun. So this is being dropped onto Sun with almost no warning.

Sun learned Moon would be gone for a week, and immediately went 'can we hang out?'

He very much needs some support right now. We're, what, a week post-hallucination episode? He needs his support group with him right now, it is a critical point, but he's too afraid to ask for it straight up so instead he's asking around it so to speak.

Instead of asking Moon to stay or telling him what the problem is, he's asking if Moon will play a game with him instead. Hang out. Be in his presence.

There are so many reasons this could be. Perhaps he would feel selfish asking Moon to hold off on completing this satellite to stay with him, especially if he's not comfortable with telling Moon WHY just yet, because if he doesn't offer a reasonable explanation then there's no justification for Moon staying, at least in Sun's eyes. It could be embarrassment over the issues, maybe he feels like he's blowing it out of proportion. Maybe he feels like he's asked or taken too much support already, and outright asking for more will end in not having any support at all.

Any number of things. It's easier to ask now when he knows Moon is 'not busy', maybe even more likely to say yes. And he's grasping for it too, "any random game" he just doesn't want to be alone because he just found out he's going to be alone very suddenly in a time when he should not really be alone at all, whether he knows that or not. He certainly doesn't want to be.

I see people often say that 'the worst thing someone can tell you is no'. They generally mean it in a positive way? I guess? I think Sun is at that point where, yes, one of the worst things you could say to him is no. So even an unenthusiastic 'I don't REALLY want to hang out with you' yes is better than a 'no'. Because a no means he'll be alone for sure, while a unenthused yes still means he won't be alone. Does this make sense? It feels clunky, did I explain this right?

Yeah the demeanor change from after asking Moon about the satellite, to finding out he has to leave for it, to finding out he's not leaving right away, to finding out Moon is going to hang out with him despite not sounding enthusiastic about it (because at least its something, you know?) was a trip.

I know Moon's probably stressed right now too, but the 'isn't there something you wanted to drag me along with' was unnecessarily hurtful.

I feel like we're slowly leaning back into past cycles with these two. Like, Moon not telling Sun about something big and important like that. Sun pushing down problems into something else. We'll see. It's just hints at it for now.

Sorry for the downer boo boo ending to the post ;-;

Maybe the next one will be a bit cheerier?

[kyogre-blue]

OK, Wuwa chapter 1 is done.

It turns out the place I stopped last night was the very last scene of Act V, and Act VI is just the extended finale of chapter 1.

It was... a very mixed bag! If I had to describe it in a word, I would pick "clumsy."

The ideas they were going for are mostly fine, and their execution at least clearly shows what they were trying to do, but man. It gets aggressively Too Much at multiple points, the gameplay is so hand-holdy in parts that I honestly feel kind of confused as to what kind of audience testing led to this (are most people really this stupid??), and the details are, as always, painfully unpolished.

Speaking more specifically, I'll give an example. When defending the city, several NPCs show up to fight too. It's cool seeing them using their skill and ults, I like that! However, not only Verina, but even Yuanwu and Lianyang show up. We haven't even met Yuanwu before and he's, from all indications, just some dude who runs a gym. Every time he talks and then inexplicably shows up in montages of Rover thinking about everyone who is counting on him and Jiyan, it's just so silly. We don't know him! And Lianyang just looks so goofy with the liondancing in this extremely serious situation. I haven't even done his character quest yet, team. Be real, how much did the government give you for this character...

This is a case where less would have been more. Just leave it at Verina healing people, Taoqi getting introduced as leading the NPCs in battle, and Chixia as the face of people we actually know enough to care about.

And it's not the only example. There's stuff like how awkward it feels when everyone talks about Rover, Yangyang and even Baizhi with just first name and no other comment, like they're all very familiar with each other, which doesn't really make much sense. It feels very forced. Or stuff like Jiyan making you "pick" where the troops will be positioned during the operation, but there's only one correct answer anyway, so what was this even for? And just the general excessive amount of padding that isn't congruent with the urgent atmosphere.

(All of this is not helped by the poor EN voice direction.)

Which brings us to the gameplay. I won't comment on them giving us a full party of nothing but trial characters for the entire act, it isn't really a big deal either way. But the "platforming" was just... who the hell needed Jiyan to comment about every single use of the grapple? The grapple points freaking glow! There's nothing else to do anyway! Just explain it once and players can figure it out from there! It was so ridiculous.

And then there's the little details like the "Trial Resonator has left/joined the party" popping up over dramatic cutscenes. It's almost funny. Jiyan is leaving the party! Jiyan is joining the party! This is starting to look like a parody with the uuuuh gameplay and story integration here.

However, the two most unfortunate points were the minor gripes that ruined the very, very end for me. 1) Saved by an ugly mascot. 2) Stupid sounding storyteller cap off.

Not only does it look extremely silly to be shielded by a little mascot's butt with its bunny tail, but the mascot is pretty ugly. Why this thing...... who asked...... especially given the overall tone and vibe of Wuwa??

And then the storyteller.... god, I hate storytellers. They are so fucking awful, I do not understand the CN game obsession with them. Bruh, I don't need some dumb-sounding asshole to tell me the story, I'm playing an interactive modern medium so I can watch the story be acted out by the goddamn characters.

I was so mad I literally took out my headphones and did not perceive anything past the mascot. Which I also hated.

It was otherwise a passable if rather jank ending to the storyline, suitably dramatic and at least there was Jiyan, but those two last points....

Anyway, I'm mildly disappointed that we didn't beat the Threnobian (it just left) and nothing else interesting except the mascot was revealed. Jiyan was nice tho, and I'll play his character quest next, I guess.

[afniel]

Nevi Infodumps Upon Request: MMX2

Because god damn let's just make this its own thing and stop doing it on some other poor bastard's post, what did they to do deserve me happening to them.

Also I have to make a correction! There is no Z-Saber in X1, I just remembered that goofy. Zero doesn't give you shit if you upgraded your arm parts, he just dies. It doesn't even exist until X2. I have no idea why I thought that considering I played it recently enough but despite appearances I'm not known for my great recall of chronological order shit.

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG POST AND I HAVE REMEMBERED THAT "MANNERS" EXIST SINCE YESTERDAY SO. I am using a cut. And lowering my voice. This too is "manners."

@longshotlink I have done the thing! It does not stop from happening.

OKAY SO TO RECAP.

Mega Man X1: *slaps X* this bad boy can hold so much survivor's guilt and self-loathing.

There, that's it, that's the recap you get.

My second favorite game in the series is X2 and you're about to find out that I like them in the order they came out in, so this is going to look chronological. It is not! Not really. This is a coincidence.

Six months after X got PTSD real bad from everyone he knows dying/being killed by him (except technically Dr. Cain I GUESS, I forgot he existed for a moment there) he's still tracking down Sigma's followers and presumably shooting the hell out them. He goes to an abandoned reploid factory with the Maverick Hunters, where Green Biker Dude dies after a glorious ten seconds of doing nothing but popping a sick wheelie on a Ride Chaser and getting shot to fuck.

Rip to a real one, I guess. Pour one out for Green Biker Dude while we're here.

(Because we source our art here, this is by Springqueen on DeviantART.)

X tears through the factory and kills a huge-ass mechaniloid—wait, you say, the hell is a mechaniloid, we got reploids but that hasn't come up yet? Well, see, there's normal robots, and there's people robots, and mechaniloids are the normal robots who aren't really self-aware, and you literally cannot predict who the fuck is which:

This is a sentient being, with a rich inner life and emotions equivalent to a human's! (Only the C-15 model from X1, though, after that they're mechaniloids.)

This man is just a really fancy computer who can't actually feel anything!

I am not even joking. This is canon. Figure it out! I sure can't. It is a mystery. Nothing makes sense and everything is confusing and quite possibly bad.

There are three dudes ominously watching X and talking about some kind of nonsense bullshit crap, and these guys are Agile, who is tall, smirky, and pointy; Serges, who is short, Dr. Wily, and pointy; and Violen, who is huge, dumb as a sack of hammers, and pointy.

No really, they're all kinda pointy. For some reason they specifically have pointy feet. And they're talking about 'the control chip' and being all m~y~s~t~e~r~i~o~u~s but let's just get it out of the way. These mofos are reassembling Zero for nefarious reasons. Why? Well, you see, when you're Keiji Inafune and you just made a game, even though you teased a sequel in the post-credits, you totally did not think this through (because you have never thought anything all the way through in your life and you are not beginning now!) and now you're stuck, because you WANTED to make Zero the main character, got talked out of it, and then somehow ended up killing your intended main character. And everyone else. The only surviving named characters are X and Dr. Cain, and like...now what, right? Shit. Fuck. You fucked it up. You were supposed to leave some guys for the sequel. Well uhhhh they're all robots, just...reassemble someone real fast. Like Zero. You wanted him to be the cool one anyway, let's try that again but not wrong this time!

But never mind that! It's all fixable. Everything is fixable. Even Zero! Well, no, X isn't fixable, he's a goddamn mess, but details, man.

This gets a LITTLE fucky to summarize because there's some branching paths, so I'm gonna flip back to the actual game side for a second. X2 actually fucking slaps as a game. It's got an extra math coprocessor in the cartridge! Did you know that? The Cx4 chip showed up again in MMX3, and was the reason X2 suddenly had WAY more onscreen sprites, transparency effects, and even 3D wireframe enemies. This shit was amazing on the SNES.

Also, X2 is another case of "oh no, these Mavericks are ex-Hunters again," so like. ACAB. Not all of the Mavericks are, but still more than none, which you'd hope would be the number. They have not learned shit about shit for vetting members. The call is coming from inside the house, guys! Maybe Hunter HQ should think about the implications of the fact that—*I am shot in the head by Keiji Inafune, who has never once thought something all the way through in his life and is not beginning now, killing me instantly*

In X1 there were basically three kinds of defector:

I'm So Bored Please God Kill Me Now

I Just Love Hitting Things

and

Whatever You Say Chief!

Well, and Storm Eagle's unfortunate little thing of

I Got My Ass Beat To Hell And Back Until I Said Fine I'll Kill The Humans With You Just To Make It Stop And All I Got Was This Terminate On Sight Designation T-Shirt

X2 is a little more varied than that. You now have the new exciting backstory flavors of

I Love Money More Than My Life And This Guy Promised Me A Raise, Sooooo... (Bubble Crab)

The Bad Guys Are Somehow Less Ableist Than The Good Guys (Overdrive Ostrich, who USED TO be able to fly, lost the ability in an accident, and retired because the Hunters were kind of treating him like damaged goods and he was over it. Editor's note I do not blame this dude at all, what the fuck!)

BLOCK OUT THE SUN (Flame Stag)

I Love Trash (Morph Moth, who was not a Hunter)

Idk I Was Already Doing Crimes, Might As Well (Crystal Snail, also not a Hunter)

Sigma Is My Literal Dad (Wire Sponge, made in one of Sigma's reploid factories. He came out wrong even for a Maverick. Good job, Sigma. Great quality control.)

There's Still No Virus In The Continuity But I Sure Caught It Somehow Anyway?? Help Me (Magna Centipede, who used to be in Zero's unit, but got 'brainwashed' somehow.)

(This happens a lot. This will keep happening. Zero collects subordinates who are just WAITING for an excuse. Also this will make a whole lot more sense once they retcon in the Maverick Virus and then MORE sense once they retcon in that it is coming from Zero specifically but we aren't there yet so right now it's just weird and kind of unfortunate!)

And you still have at least one I Just Love Hitting Things (Wheel Gator).

Also why are so many of these guys invertebrates? This is like the invertebrate game. X1 has two, but X2 has five of these things. (X3 has three, X4 has two again, X5 has three again, X6 has three, X7 only has one, and you will not see another game with five again until X8, the last one. I don't know why I went to count that.)

After X whacks a few of the Maverick stage bosses, there's a little cutscene at Dr. Cain's lab. The three shadowy weirdos from the intro call Dr. Cain to say like, "Hey, X, we named ourselves the X-Hunters for reasons you'll never be able to guess, and also we have Zero's parts. Meet us at the wherever the hell on the map we visibly teleport to after this in fifteen minutes for an ass-kicking." They hang up, Dr. Cain is like, "Well, it's fine, we still have Zero's control chip here and they can't really resurrect him without it, plus this is obviously bait, so maybe don't do anything too hast—"

X declares he's got to get Zero's parts back at any cost and runs the fuck off, because he's fine, okay. He doesn't wanna talk about it.

This scene is way more interesting in Japanese, where Serges and only Serges slips a bit and calls him Rockman X, which is sus, because nobody really mentions Rockman in the games, except for some reason Dr. Cain in English who calls him Mega Man X. Dr. Cain has actually read Dr. Light's notes so he's got at least a historical reason to be doing this, but Serges wouldn't know that shit, right? It is definitely unrelated that the Japanese materials describe Serges as having comparable intellect to a certain unnamed mad scientist. It is also certainly coincidence that despite Zero being an absolutely undocumented black box of a Wily creation, Serges somehow knows how to upgrade him too.

Let's assume for the plot that X does go through and collect all of Zero's parts, which is his head, torso, and legs. Now correct me if I'm wrong but his head did not actually fall off in X1...but meh, details, right? Once you have all three, Dr. Cain says he needs a little more time to get Zero's control chip installed, so go deal with the other Mavericks until then. Then, once you do that, he tells you it's going to take even MORE time, but hey, the X-Hunters are hanging out at the North Pole, like some kind of shitty dollar store Santa Clauses who come down your chimney and murder you. So X fucks off to the North Pole to do some violence, and shoots the hell out all three of the X-Hunters, like you do. In Japanese, Serges is kind of pissed that "Light's memento robot" defeated him, which again...yeah, that seems normal, nothing to see here!

Once X murderhobos his way through the rematch fights, he gets a random zoom call from Sigma, who invites him to come to the central computer in fifteen minutes for an ass-kicking, and once there he gets a nasty surprise: his buddy Zero is there, chilling, and Sigma is like, "Lol he's so mad that you let him die. Look at how upset he's getting. Look at his fists. They're balled. He wants to beat you up so bad." Except, assuming you collected all of Zero's parts, this is a shitty dollar store Zero with a palette swap, and the real Zero is offended as shit and shows up and kills the fuck out of his copy, saving you a fight. Sigma is like, "WHY are you not on my side though man you should be. You should totally be on my side and fighting him instead, it's your destiny." Zero's like, "Maybe so, but I still don’t like you!" <- Unlike almost everything else I keep putting in quotation marks, that's a real quote. I'm not making that one up. It's even better in Japanese because it's SO DISMISSIVE the way he says it. It's literally, "It's because I don't like you," but you'd almost have to localize it to something like "It's because I don't like your face," to convey the don't-give-a-singular-fuck disdain. He's just like, fuck your stupid destiny thing, do I look like the kind of person who cares.

I feel like this game is just kind of less interesting at the end than X1. Sigma did actually run off to Magna Centipede's level for his final stage for some reason, which is unusual. A lot of the implied angst in the first game exists, and X basically ignoring Dr. Cain's attempt at warning him to be careful because OH MY GOD WHAT IF HE CAN FIX THIS ONE THING AND MAYBE AT LEAST ONE PERSON HE CARES ABOUT WILL BE OKAY is pretty good. And once you blow up Sigma, he does have a little foreshadowing about Zero being "the last of the doctor's creations," or MUCH more specifically in Japanese, being "the last of the Wi...num...ers..." aka the Wily Numbers, aka Dr. Wily's robots, which is like...where'd you hear that, hm? Were you talking to that shady Serges guy again who was also basically your lieutenant? Couldn't be he's someone from the past who would know all this shit.

But I'm not gonna touch the epilogue just yet because let's say X decided that actually he should focus on the mission at hand and ignore these guys clearly trying to goad him into doing something stupid. Good call, X! You have finally learned a little self-preservation. Except, this goes badly actaully, because the X-Hunters will break into Dr. Cain's lab, not butcher him for some reason even though that would have been the logical thing to do if they really wanted to fuck with X and hamper his efforts, and steal all of Zero's parts, including his control chip.

I have a little headcanon about the reason they didn't bother, but I'll save that for a second or three later. For now...

X fucks off to the North Pole as before, deals with the X-Hunters (who are now shitty dollar store Santa Clauses who come down your chimney and STEAL YOUR DEAD FRIEND'S LEGS??), meets Sigma at the central computer, and Zero is there, only that's the real Zero, and X has to fight him. Maybe for the first time, but not for the last time, because reasons! X wins, which apparently slaps some sense into Zero, who for some reason apologizes for causing so much trouble (probably having been resurrected, reprogrammed, and then kicked in the head by your bestie until you're unreprogrammed makes you stupid) and says he's going to go destroy the main computer.

Wait, what main computer, like do you mean this entire stage? When did we ever establish about there being a main computer that needed to be destroooooh fine whatever go destroy the main computer and X can just fall down this hole where Sigma is. X is like, "Take care of yourself, Zero. I don't have time to put you back together again," and once again that's a real quote and I'm not just being flippant. Was that an attempt at humor? In Japanese it's just, "Do you intend to die?" which is like. God damn, X. I know this is the point in the game in which Zero exploded himself last time, but he JUST got here, he's not going to Death Hug the computer too. But ya boy is evidently having a flashback.

From there things proceed as normal, X defeats Sigma, and this time,

Two of them.

Joined by his friend Zero, Mega Man X gazes out over the sea. Sigma has once again been destroyed, but X wonders if the fighting will truly end. Was Dr. Light’s dream of a world in which Reploids and humans lived together in peace merely a dream? The price of peace is often high, X thinks to himself. Who or what must be sacrificed for it to become a reality? And when the time comes, will he be able to do it? The future holds the answers or…

It's a lot less of a downer than X1 was. The music is tense and kinda gloomy, but it's not the endless despair party that X1's ending theme was. X is like, okay, maybe this will work out. Sigma's defeated again, this sucks and all, but he's clearly the bad guy in this situation so there's less of an internal conflict about Was This The Right Thing To Do. Obviously so! It's less, was this right, and more, can I do this? And Zero's back, so maybe even some of the mistakes are fixable. It's not going to be easy, sure, but it at least feels possible.

Or maybe it's hopeless after all. Will the fighting truly end?

Haha, no. But don't tell him that right now, I don't think he could handle it. Can you imagine. Let the poor dude rest for five minutes. Just let him have this one little victory. God damn.

Anyway, let's leave those guys on their cliff and go over here instead for

HEADCANON TIME oh boy let's do it!!

So, it is not at all a stretch to say that Serges is probably some kind of AI incarnation of Dr. Wily. The game is not explicit about this, no, but it's heavily implied in the Japanese version, and Keiji Inafune, who has never thought anything all the way through in his entire life and is not starting now, is on record as having left it intentionally vague so that you can draw your own conclusions. Weird thing to tease, if there weren't a little truth to it.

This takes some of the later games' plot existing to make sense, but I don't think the X-Hunters really exist to be subservient to Sigma and just carry out his funny little genocidal reploid rampage. It's established that Zero was created by Dr. Wily, and if there's one thing that you can count on with Dr. Wily, it's that he is the kind of guy who will create a whole guy whose personality is summed up by, "I exist to kill this other guy and then after that I have no idea." He definitely did this with Bass. He definitely did this with Zero. In fact he went so overboard with Zero's Kill A Guy programming that Zero wanted to kill EVERY guy upon activation, which Sigma had to beat out of him (X4), making him weirdly normal.

(In fact the original recipe Maverick Virus was just a day-one patch for Zero's omnicidal bullshit tendencies to make him fucking stop it, dude, you have things to be doing that aren't creating new Pollock works all over the buried lab every time like a rat or something wanders in. But then because Wily is kind of a shit programmer but a really good scavenger of other people's shit, the day-one patch went, fine, you suck, I'm doing a world tour and getting stronger and coming back and FIXING YOU. Maverick Virus out.)

Now if you were some kind of AI version of Dr. Wily watching this—your favorite and final murder machine that you made specifically to kill Dr. Light's little baby-boo-bop hugs and love machine—and he is NOT doing that, he is in fact BECOMING BESTIES FOR LIFE with his enemy, this is not cool! This is just more proof that you are a bad programmer. Or, your original meatsuit self was a bad programmer, and now YOU are a program made of and by a bad programmer, which is arguably WORSE. It's enough to give a guy a FUCKING COMPLEX. Which is also a common thing to happen to any given Wily creation.

So your goal, here, because you think you're Dr. Wily or close enough to count, is to manipulate the situation into getting Zero to remember that he's supposed to be biting X to death with his teeth, not whatever the fuck pattycake he's playing with him right now, what the FUCK. WHAT the FUCK. Ahem.

If you have the X-Hunters kill Dr. Cain, well, that's not going to incentivize this happening at all. X is going to be so mad he kills you, and that's not optimal for shit. So fuck that guy. We ignore him. Unused variable. Just get Zero's parts and scram, because the important thing is rebuilding Zero, not fingerpainting with the innards of some human. (Even if Violen would probably be into that, but he's an idiot whose text box dialogue even appears more slowly than anyone else's, you can't listen to him if you want to get ahead in life.)

Sigma is really secondary to this too. He's very conveniently placed, and kind of easy to manipulate: just tell him that you know all about Zero (which is true) and that he's supposed to be on Sigma's side (which is close enough to true that he won't question it) and you can make this happen (you think you can. IT SHOULD WORK. Dammit. How bad of a programmer was your mental predecessor, anyway?). So Sigma kindly sets up everything for you, and you do your thing.

And they fight! Finally. It is glorious. Of course you are dead by the time this happens, probably, but maybe you aren't, because you have probably vacated your trashed-ass body into some other convenient system. (You will definitely not show up in X6 as some guy named Isoc, who upon finishing his work, goes absolutely inert like his whole-ass self just left his body, which you have definitely not just done and will not do again.)

EXCEPT GOD DAMMIT ZERO X HIT YOU IN THE HEAD HARD ENOUGH YOU CALMED DOWN AGAIN. GOD. DAMMIT. WHY THIS. FUCK. Okay, yeah, you're leaving. See y'all in X6, this sucks.

Anyway the real takeaway here is that Dr. Wily was just such a big fan of percussive maintenance that Zero occasionally needs to get beaten in the head with a wrench for a bit and then he's great for a while. If he starts twitching, that just means it's Wrench Time.

Anyway, that's X2, my second most favorite one.

Wire Sponge is a luffa, by the way. Loofah. However it's spelled.

This thing. That's what he is.

And I will not stop calling centipedes 'hyakuleggers' now because Magne Hyakulegger is way funner than Magna Centipede as a name.

[legionofpotatoes]

Hi Legion! Long time lurker and lover of your art and tags here. I always read your tags and I'm really interested in your thoughts & views on love and relationships, so I'm curious to know where you got those ideas from. Are there any videos, terms, or books you could recommend? It really resonated with me and since I'm a huge nerd my first instinct is to find more sources haha. Thank you so much!

This ask genuinely made me sit with myself and think long and hard about how my views on that stuff really formed, something I maybe took for granted a lil bit. So thanks, and I'm sorry that I can't give a nerdy answer here! It is difficult to point to specific sources, it's more of a lived-experience type thing. It truly is The Question Of All Time lmao. And boy did it get me thinking back.

I'll put my ramble under the cut if this is not interesting or what you're after, but I enjoyed the introspection still! Thank you!

My context is entirely unremarkable (middle class cishet white guy from eastern europe), but if I had to point to one thing that is the bottleneck of my views on love and relationships, I genuinely think it could be traced to my insane early childhood nat20 roll to avoid toxic masculinity pipelines. I truly believe in my bones that if I had been seduced by that stuff - and legitimately all but maybe two of my childhood friends were - I'd be a completely different, colder, worse person today. I credit only luck in that.

Where I'm from, boys of my generation were set on a very specific path very early on that was pointed veeeery far away from "love". All wrapped up in warped orthodox christianity and crypto-nationalist sentiments, stemming from our incredibly disillusioned post-soviet parent figures constantly running in survival mode. So like, I legitimately don't remember how I managed to avoid those circles and behavior patterns, and the truth is that I probably sometimes didn't? I certainly made stupid mistakes in my early teens, but I had the luxury of making them outside of the public eye of social media. More luck.

There's other alchemy of course - as a child of divorce I got a real early up-close look at the ugly results of mistrust and toxic "love", and a lot of my life back then was rebelling against that. Not that the parenting itself was always bad - my mother turned me to the arts and to stories, which eventually led me to fandom that I can now identify as a much healthier outlet for my frustrations than whatever my peers were doing with their nighttime brawls. It led me to a very crystallized idea of what I really wanted from life - not glory or patriotism or ambition, but a quiet life with the ones I loved.

That is also around the time when I let go of teenage lust as my north star and started fostering friendships instead; because like, relationships are bonds and connections, nothing more or less. Sexuality and romantic love can take as big or as small of a role in that as the parties desire, and they're entirely ornamental to the value of linking your experience with another living, breathing human. Realizing the divinity and beauty in that changes almost everything in an instant. And it is such a goofy-ass thing to say, but yeah, for a lost idiot dude like me, fandom helped me see that. Even the raunchiest fics were ultimately about belonging and emotional nakedness, and I learned to desire that more than anything else. I am trying so hard to point to something specific here, but I honestly don't know with way back then. Bioware's found family-ass games/fanfics were a big one later on, but there were so many other communities before. My memory's just bad.

But knowing I wanted love was one thing, and being a healthier, more empathetic person ready to actually get that was a whole other trek. Made a few more dumb interpersonal mistakes. And then I met my current partner, now over twelve years ago, and realized there was a version of me reflected in her eyes that I could truly chase and grow into. This all sounds super melodramatic but it was more of a terrifying thought at the time, stoking self-doubt and real worry that I was leading her into a mistake. But of course that was all a symptom of terminal self-awareness. We were in our early 20s, mature enough not to play childish emotional games, and young enough to go on that growth journey together. More luck. Found that gentle peace I had yearned for with her., and I count my lucky stars to this day.

In short, everything about my understanding of love and relationships is rooted in personal circumstance + massive amounts of luck, and especially that early course-correction away from toxic dudeness. Nothing extracurricular. And then just more and more luck piled on with time, culminating with my lovely bean. So in that sense I'm the worst person to ask this question! And times have really changed irt internet culture and fandom so I can't even point at that part as an action point either.

But if nothing else, I believe that storytelling is the ultimate shortcut in getting our dumb teenage brains over the precipice of pride and control, and towards the gentle pursuit of love in all its forms. I think that's worth articulating over and over again. Thanks for reading this long and I promise I usually interpret asks like a normal person! This is an exception!!! a big question if there ever was one

[jacqcrisis]

Zeke at the engagement party, absolutely anxious out of his mind with all the unfamiliar eyes on him and drinking to keep himself from looking like he’s going to start biting. Doesn’t help anything that he’s supposed to be talking, getting to know people, make a good first impression so Jade’s in-laws don’t kidnap their daughter back on account of her openly hanging around a bunch of devilfolk with her soon-to-be-wife. And they ain’t keen on Zeke; won’t meet his gaze but keep staring at him when they think he won’t notice. 

But there’s one pair of eyes he’s more than happy to see. Jade followed through, got Caleb here even if she had to pay him. Even if he ain’t hanging around and talking to people and available for Zeke to adhere himself to like some kind dirty piece of tape so the people in the room are looking at someone else, he’s still here, goofy smile, tight ass, and all. 

It ain’t like Caleb makes it magically better, but having somewhere to focus, to give the hamster on it’s wheel in his head something to squeak about... Well that’s just invaluable. Keeps him from saying something uncouth to the future inlaws cause his ticker is going a mile a minute and his mouth works faster than the hamster sometimes.

Of course, the cosmic kind of irony ain't lost on Zeke as he listens to Jade and Alex talk about their engagement and future wedding. It's a kind of sadness, one he don't know how to describe, where his insides are on the floor yet nothing put them there. There's no resentment, no frustration, no real yearning, yet as his friend looks at her fiancée, Zeke just feels empty from it.

And then there's Caleb, who's easy to look at, who's fucking looking at Zeke anyways, and that's where he finds the yearning. A longing he don't feel much any more since he gave up on finding a relationship. He knows he shouldn't feel that, ain't helping nothing and there's no chance in hell it'd get him anywhere but...

Zeke's not stupid. He may be dumb, but he ain't stupid. Caleb projects like a motherfucker and if he weren't... if they weren't the way they were, they'd have more than a chance. You don't take the time and spend the money and put in the effort Caleb has every week with someone as uninteresting and out of his approved social circle as Zeke without it meaning something more than it should.

If that ain't a goddamn bitch of a situation, then Zeke don't know what it is. He can't do much about it though and he ain't telling Caleb and his goofy self to get out, so here he is: at a party he's never going to be able to have for himself with a guy he's never going to get to keep.

But he can still look. Can still appreciate the distraction and enjoy the show Caleb makes with his tight shirt and his smile and his little flourish while he schmoozes party guests to fill his tip jar. Can still preen under his attention, make a joke of it, invite it more for the excuse to hand it back. He can't act on anything, but he can play a bit, flirt a bit, push a bit, see how shiny that papery backbone is...

Sure, he doesn't get to have Caleb again, but he does get to touch him again. Just a little. Just for a time. Just enough to have Caleb melt against him, bite his lip and look at Zeke like that.

People stare a lot. Just the nature of the beast, even in this city with every flavor of devil hanging around. Sometimes curiously, sometimes maliciously, always a little afraid of something they ain't seen before because thats how its supposed to be. Humans ain't supposed to be seeing changelings and they ain't a fan of being seen, just the natural order of things.

But Zeke likes the way Caleb sees him, even if it can't mean any more than they let it.