#it's ranting on the hellsite time of night

[becaexists]

Me: no I'm totally fine what makes you think somethings wrong?

Also me but the more logical bit: we binge watched a ton of old nyxrising vlogs and Julian's talk about gender identity because our parents are being mean about our gender, neurodivergency and the fact we don't have a job so we're distracting ourself with the fantasy of having a queer family that actually loves us for us, not what we can pretend to be or how quickly we can be independent

Me: oh

[hiraethwa]

The Great Appreciation Post

it's thanksgiving season so you know what it means! i've only been active on here for almost a year and i am so, so grateful for all the friendly and amazing people who had interacted with me, hence the birth of this post :)

now, before i go on my appreciation rant <3 for my almost one year on this hellsite, i present a thanksgiving/gratitude ask game (ask away my loves, and/or reblog to tag in)

*checks list* *clears throat* okay this is gonna take a hot second, but it's divided into two parts, if you're tagged that means that i have a special little thank you note for you <3

thank you to all my readers who read my works, i sincerely hope that you enjoyed them and it brought you happiness (or pain *cough*) for a moment in time, hehe. i love and appreciate every single one of you!! BIG THANK YOU!!! for those who took some time out of their day to interact with my works, whether it be replies, reblogs, likes, or asks, i love you even more *blows a virtual kiss at you*

you have my gratitude always!!

special mentions (to the osd readers) every single one of you gave me the push to keep going with one summer day @briokayama for the sweet tags on one summer day, i was giggling when i saw your reblogs (you are one of the pivotal people who made osd continue), thank you <3 @mintgrumpy for the quoting my fic back to me and the yelling in the reblogs (and the speechlessness from osd 15 hehe), i keep them very close to my heart, thank you <3 @lemurzsquad for the emotional replies, they had me tearing up, thank you <3 @brokenbraveakira for the yelling in the replies and (the reaction pics omg) reblogs, (i am sorry for inflicting so much pain on you, and enjoying that it does as i intended for it to <//3) thank you <3 @nansfyy for your reactions (and disbelief) in the reblogs (sorry not sorry) thank you <3 @illuzminate for your reactions in the replies, i love them! i promise it will be okay!! thank you <3

hugeeee thank you to all my mutuals who made this hellsite fun and welcoming! it was so lonely here before you appeared in my life :') thank you, thank you for all the interactions, random asks, out of pocket conversations, beautiful long ass tags, everything that you do <3 i am so grateful that you exist and that you chose to be in mine. forever grateful for all the ones that took the first step first, and all the ones who replied, AAAAH I LOVE YOU ALL TO THE MOON AND BACK thank you for the brain rot sessions and sharing my passion and giving some of your time to me, you all deserve everything you want, you beautiful souls!!

i will never forget the kindness you showed me and the wild things we got up to <3

special mentions for the mutuals who i hold very dear to my heart <33 @shouyuus tobio nation go RAHHHHH thank you for brainstorming with me, sharing beautiful chinese poetry with me, putting second prince!tobio in my head. thank you for all that you do and thank you for being so warm and kind, much like a 姐姐 ily <3 i look forward to more brain rots with you!! @hiraethwrote my first tobio mutual !!!! i was so excited to have you, omg i love all your angst they hit so well i feel like that shaking cat emoji. thank you for welcoming me in your asks with random things and thank you for dragging me down the satoru rabbit hole (idk why sliding in your asks has me giggling all the time) ily <3 i look forward to screaming about our men more hehe!! @bakery-anon my one and only anon <33 you're so sweet and precious! thank you for being warm and lovely and sharing all the 'nice' things you see on the internet with me (you know what i mean...) thank you for all the cute good night messages and thank you for making sure we all are taking care of ourselves ily <3 i look forward to making you lose your mind more in the future!! @hatsukeii that one mutual i found thanks to toshi (laugh) (you know why this is so funny) i hope exams are going well (high distinction, fingers crossed) thank you for always letting me soundboard my ideas and suggesting your own, i loveeeee sharing my evil plans with you and i love hearing yours! thank you for being so lovingly mean and thank you for being such a funny person without trying hehe ily <3 i look forward to yapping with you more when you come back!! @daisy-room my first mutual that i interacted with as a baby blog!! thank you for making that recommendation post and including osd, thank you for responding when i reached out hehe, thank you for being there when i needed someone the most. you are the biggest motivation behind osd continuing, and i do hope i deliver to your expectations for the last 3 chapters *wink* thank you for being you, thank you for yapping with me all the goddamn time, thank you for the lovely, comforting presence. you deserve all the good things in this world, trust! ily <3 i look forward to your 8194719283 series and your beautiful mind!!

happy thanksgiving and thank you all so much for all the love and support! i love you all! cheers!

[the-ind1gen0us-jude4n]

After Rosh Hashannah dinner with my Grandparents last night, I opened Tumblr to check on what shit everyone was up to.

And what was the top fucking post on my recommended? A post GLORIFYING HEZBOLLAH saying that “the resistance will never fall”.

How much longer will we have to experience this? Almost a year after October 7th, during the high holidays, when we are supposed to be celebrating and mourning, we get shit like this. I am sick to fucking death of these so called “humanitarians” cheering on fucking terrorists. I am sick to death of these idiots calling for our death. Yet I am sure tumblr, the arseholes who run this hellsite (derogatory) are, won’t do anything about it.

It will never cease to amaze me how absolutely appalling the behaviour we have experienced over the past year has been, but it makes me especially angry how it has almost been normalised. People cheering on actual genocidal maniacs who have become a massive threat to global stability (THE IRGC, Hezbollah, Hamas etc), people who have killed more of their own people than they have Israelis.

In the city where I live in, on the anniversary of October 7th, there will be a massive rally celebrating the massacre, where people will be waving flags of terrorists and chanting for our destruction. A day when we are going to be mourning. It is disgusting how this behaviour is being accepted, and how this won’t be stopped. The Nazis would be proud of the rest of the world.

But you know what else makes me angry? The responses we are getting from other Jewish people telling us to just lay low and to hide who we are, effectively oppressing ourselves. No, I will never be silenced for being Jewish and being opposed to terrorists. I will not hide who I am because it is unsafe. Over 6 million of us were killed because we couldn’t stand up for ourselves, I will not let that happen again.

I ask all Jews, do not oppress yourselves, do not conform to what the mainstream tells you to do. And especially, do not let this shit keep sliding. Do not let antisemites tell us what to do. As the saying goes: “the antisemite doesn’t enjoy accusing the Jew of being guilty, the antisemite enjoys the Jew turning out his pockets to prove his innocence”.

If I have to make a post like this in a year’s time, I will ensure that one day the world will experience true Jewish anger, all 2500 years of our trauma unleashed.

Some will be angry at my little rant here, and I couldn’t give two fucks about it.

Bring. Them. Home. Now

Stop. Supporting. Modern. Day. Nazis

Stop. Supporting. Terrorists

Stop. Celebrating. Dead. Jews

[average-jedtavius-enjoyer]

Two years ago today, I watched night at the museum for the first time! Have the sillies to celebrate!

-small rant under the cut-

Honestly, these films have brought such an indescribable light to my life, and (as silly as it sounds) helped me through some very tough times over the past 24 months, I cannot believe it has been 2 years of me indulging myself with these silly little guys!

About a year after watching the first movie, I also began this blog! and have since enjoyed my year engaging in and sharing my art with this wonderful community. Unfortunately, I missed making a post celebrating one year on this hellsite in September - so consider this as that as well!

(I'm so sorry the lines of this piece are a bit shaky an disjointed, I drew this with a minor hand injury that made it hard for me to hold a pen but I still wanted to make something small 😭)

[prettykittytanjiro]

INTRO POST (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Hiii! Welcome to my blog page :)

I figured it's about time to make a pinned post so let's do this!!

(edited) ATTENTION PLEASE:

I am not in the circumstances to make a donation to any sort of account; but I will be certain to share it.

You can call me Lemons or Lilavati! I'm a minor who loves Stamp/Coin collecting, birdwatching and all things mythology :3

I've been on this hellsite for maybe two years(?) by now!

I'm in a fair amount of fandoms- some of the more prominent ones include:

My Little Pony

The Mysterious Benedict Soceity

Night At The Museum

Miraculous Ladybug

Five Nights At Freddy's

NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigation Services

Lord Of The Rings (still getting into it)

Ducktales (2017)

Elementary (2012)

Asterix and Obelix

The Adventures of TinTin

The Backrooms

Ever After High

SCP: Secure Contain Protect

If you wanna know if I'm in any specific fandom, feel free to ask <3

I play the violin, and do indian classical dance!

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My aesthetic according to Pinterest:

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"hiraeth (n.): the feeling of being homesick for a home one is not able to return to; homesickness pertaining to a home that never was."

Moodboard by @kyayarpriyanka (tysm for it it's so beautiful!!)

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My tag system:

lemon reflection: My random little ramblings- mostly for me to look back upon or record

lemon contemplates life: Rants and existential crises

lemon writes: My own writings, which I reblog from my side acc!

lemon answers: Asks which are sent to me <3 (I'm super grateful for every single ask, so thank you!)

lemon does music: Stuff about my violin playing or music

lemon wishes: Significant days/events which I want to remember and post wishes for!

lemon rps: My interactions with rp accounts!

tumblr buddies: my interactions with my beloved moots <3 (I love all of you you're all so cool omg)

thats krishna guys (⁠⌐⁠■⁠-⁠■⁠): My personal tag for everything to do with Krishna (bc my brother needs his own tag or my blog will be flooded with yapping smh)

fic recs: Fanfic I have read on here!

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My writing blog is @lilavatilikeslemons ! Please do go check it out if you're interested- it means a lot to me!

My inbox is always open, so feel free to drop by <3 (just please please please, use tone indicators if that's possible, I'm extremely tone deaf 😭)

Hope you have a wonderful wonderful day/afternoon/evening/night- and stay safe, healthy and hydrated :)

Alr I'll see myself out-

[shearmouth]

Just a little rant bc it's been bothering me for days and I figure there's some people on this hellsite who know exactly what I'm talking about.

I have h-EDS. I'm lucky– it's mild to moderate compared to what some zebras deal with. I can work, I can do most of the things I enjoy, even though I pay for them in extra pain every time. I don't consider myself disabled. I have a connective tissue disorder that leaves me in low-level pain pretty much all the time, and restful nights of sleep are rare because of sleep apnea and TMJ strain so bad I've broken teeth and sprained my jaw in the night, and generally my noodle ligaments make life hell, but I have been able to retain pretty much all of my function. For that I am intensely grateful, and I try not to be frozen with terror at what the future may hold.

I work a highly physical job. It keeps me strong but it's hard on the body, and I'm working on transitioning to a more balanced work life. I'm a stablehand at a high-end horse boarding facility. Some of the horses there are worth half a mil on the hoof. The board bill per month for the nicer barn is more than double my rent. People there own tack that's worth more than I make in a year.

I try not to be bitter, but as someone who works 2.5 jobs and often does 5 hour walking tours on one of those jobs after working 10 hours in the roaring southern summer heat on the other, and someone who's longed for her own horse and financial security her entire life, it gets to me sometimes. When these women roll up in their BMWs and their $300 Free Ride britches like it's chump change to them, and I'm starting to limp because I've walked 10 miles already today and lifted 400lbs worth of shit as I clean up after their horses for $17.15 an hour.

One of those women commented on my knee the other day. When I woke up, it hurt. I thrash in my sleep a lot so I probably pranged it. I taped it because it hurt.

She asked how I hurt it. I waved it off and said "Oh, I have a joint disorder" like I always do in surface-level interactions because I find it's the simplest way to sum up the most obvious symptoms of h-EDS.

That's all I said. In return, she told me flippntly, "Oh, you have a lot of joints so you have a lot to look forward to. Welcome to life. You're active, at least, so that will help."

I walked away. I had work to do, unlike her, and if I said what I wanted to, I'd get a word from my higher-ups, though they would probably agree with me. One of the drawbacks of charging 2k a month in board–we have to kiss ass to these people often.

I walked away. She walked back to her pair of $50,000 imported warmbloods, oblivious to how I told her to fuck herself under my breath, because how dare she. How dare she tell me "welcome to life" like she had any fucking clue about mine. That I lose more than half my paycheck to rent and medical copays. That I subluxated my shoulder the worst I ever have when I reached into my locker a few months ago. That I can't afford the kind of treatment that would significantly reduce my daily pain because I don't have the kind of money she does. That I grapple all the time with what life may look like when I'm 30, 40, 50– how I may have deteriorated by then, how I may have to heavily modify the things I love, if not lose them entirely, to this disorder I was born with.

Yet here I am, working 10 hours in 90 degree southern heat on a taped-up knee, because it's how I survive. Because it's how I keep a roof over my head. I don't know her life either–maybe there was a time when she had to struggle too. But she sure as shit isn't now, not in the way I do, and in that moment I viscerally hated her for trivializing my pain like that. My stark reality– that every day, on some level, is a fight. That it could get worse, and it probably will, and I'll need to adjust again and again and again and pray that I don't lose what I love. And on some level I still hate her for it.

So fuck her and fuck all of them– the people who tell you "welcome to life." That you're too young to have a bad back or who tell you to "just stop doing that" when you tell them that "that" hurts. Who try to wave it off like it's a minor inconvenience, like the throbbing at the base of my skull and behind my eyes that makes me curl up and cry is no more worthy of attention than a parking ticket.

It's not trivial. It's not inconvenient. It's just "just life." It's my life, and it contains battles won and lost that she had no concept of, and lacked the mental flexibility to even imagine.

So fuck her. Fuck all of them.

[platypusplayhere]

Thank you @dangerliesbeforeyou for tagging me, im mentioning all kinds of media bc I love to rant, I have a lot of love in my heart and I have trouble choosing just 8: (im making this on mobile hope it's readable).

Howl's moving castle (2004)

My first experience of gender envy, gender fascination, gender emulation for Howl, at a time I didn't even know that gender was a thing because I was like idek 7 years old.

Kiss of the rabbit god (2019)

A short movie, stumbled onto it bc of Tumblr. You honour, I simply love it.

Shrek (2001)

I'm not being ironic I'm very serious about this one. My mom used to braid my hair weekly when I was little and I constantly played this one, I know it by heart and I'm not joking. I freaking love this movie. Same goes for Mulan, Beauty and the beast, Charlie and the chocolate factory, and the whole Shrek franchise up to the 3rd one. (Gotta watch Puss in boots 1 and 2 tho.)

V for vendetta (2005)

This is a shout-out to 14 years old me who might have at some point based their personality around this movie or maybe they didn't, who's to say. I'm not sorry. Kinda still like it tho.

Corpse bride (2005)

There is an independent cinema in my hometown and they did run it often over the years. Bestie I don't know how many times I went to see this movie with my mother as a child. Recently learned about the Jewish origins of this myth and im a lil upset about the stolen storyline without the context. But some will say it's a Burton movie and they're right.

Valentine's day (2011)

First movie I went to see alone with my friends, I was like 12yo. Rewatched it again like 2 years ago, yeah it ain't that great but it's the memories right.

Father and soldiers (2022)

The last movie that made me cry. I hate war movies but my friends convinced me to go because it was less than 2 hours and I've been mad at movies being more than two and a half hours lately (looking at u House of Gucci, Doctor Strange 2) yeah, I cried my eyes out. It's not a perfect movie but the message is great and very moving. I don't like the English title because the original/French title directly refers the name of a group of African soldier recruited by France in its colonies during WWI -> "Les Tirailleurs" (if I remember well, the soldiers were recruited in every colonies but they left Africa from the Senegal and so all these soldiers are referred as Senegalese regardless of their actual origins). The English title is more fitting thematically wise I'll give you that.

Fulmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (2009)

Knew about it, was recommended by a dear mutual of mine on this very hellsite and yeah, ppl keep saying it's good because it just is.

I told sunset about you/ I promised you the moon (2020-2021)

If you read my tags u know how I rant about this show often. Watched it 2 years ago thanks to someone i follow on Tumblr (but im not really sure who it was anyway if you're a mutual thank you sm). My first foray into BL (back when I didn't even know what it was) and I couldn't be happier that I started with this. I don't have enough words to praise it. (currently writing a post about it tho, stay tuned for whenever I get around to finish it (tell me if u wanna know when it's up), big up to Bad Buddy and To My Star too)

Honoured mentions bc I started making a list and had more than 8 and couldn't not mention them:

Other movies: O'brother, Love and Leashes, God's own country, Jackie Brown, The big lebowsky (idek if I like this movie but I needed something to base my personality around when I was 15yo)

The book The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo, I'm gonna keep my rant about how the English title is a misunderstanding of the book locked and not even start it.

Alice isn't dead and The Magnus archives (although they're podcasts and I haven't quite finished them, the first seasons are exquisite)

Welcome to Night Vale, I have a lot of episodes to catch up on (currently working on that) started listening like in 2016 then stopped around idek 2 years ago. Some of these episodes are masterpieces ( some I know by heart: Guidelines for disposal, Love is a shambling thing, What happened at the Smithwick House, If he had lived, and The Pilot ofc)

the ballet Swan Lake (1995, 2012) by Matthew Bourne. I don't have enough words. I'll just say it's on youtube.

.....and many more im not think abt rn

*acts surprised* this became a real long post, real quick

(That's why I take a lot of time to answer those lmao, shout out and thank you to the ppl who tag me in these and then I take a lot of time to answer)

Tagging these people and anyone who wants to do it can mention me: @sherlockig @dontbesoevil @lordmeowdemort @namelessbeing @hairbackc0llarup @comrademichael @johnlockdynamic @lovelywickedsoul @frenchsiren

[averysmolbear]

Hi. I’m in a shitty mood so I’m just going to drop a little rant about assholes on this hellsite because I’m tired of seeing people I follow and especially people who are my mutuals dealing with these things. So if you don’t like rants, look away. And especially look away if you don’t like swearing because I’m about to drop a bit of that in what I have to say. And I’ll even place it behind a “read more” for everyone.

So do people just really not have hobbies anymore? Or is going around sending anon hate and other anon fuckery to people (especially POCs) their hobby? Is going around reporting people’s fics, even when they’re properly tagged or even when they’re not even “mature” the latest thing? Because the amount of times I have seen assholes clearly leaving shit for people on anon (and I’m sure the people I follow and my moots don’t even respond to most of that hate) seems to be getting worse. Add to it the reporting of fics and I just have to question why.

Are there people who are that bored that this is what they want to do with their days? Just sprinkling fuckery around to ruin someone else’s day? When I have a bad day, I want to run around and send lovely messages to the people I appreciate around here. I just cannot comprehend why people act like this.

Scroll past things you don’t want to see. Block tags that you don’t want to see. Block people that you don’t want to see. And maybe actually be fucking kind to others for once.

Okay, well, here’s a cute dog gif to make up for my ranting. 😊 I hope everyone has a wonderful day/night/whatever.

[nebular-hypothesis]

—

REDOING THIS BECAUSE NEW THINGS HAVE ARISEN

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DNI LIST:

<14 and >20

Homophobes (including "because of my religion")

Transphobes (including TERFS/TRANSCUM/ TRANSMED and anti-neos/xenos)

Racists

Aroace exclusionists

Conservatives/Pro-Trump

Proshippers/Comshippers

Ableists/Eugenics

Anti-Recovery

Pro-ED/SH accounts

Zoophiles

Pedophiles/MAPS

DDLG and variants

Discourse accounts

Bodyshamers

Fakeclaimers/Anti-Self Diagnoses (I'm not self diagnosed but I was self-suspecting for a very long time)

Generally hateful people

More info under the cut >>>

—

General Information:

Blair/Kevin/Tim/Alyx/Stellar/Novah/Nebula (in order of preference

AuDHD, BPD, PTSD, Social Anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder (all dx’d)

Transmasc Genderfluid AroAceflux Bisexual

He/Neos/Void/Eye/Echo

Hellenistic Pagan

Therian/Otherkin

Fictionkin/Copinglink

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Fandoms:

The Magnus Archives

The Magnus Protocol

Hannibal

Welcome to Night Vale

Tower 4

The Mechanisms

Good Omens

Black Monday

The Marvin Trilogy

Book of Mormon

Doctor Who

House MD

The Boys In The Band

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Top Kins (fictionkin and copinglink):

Timothy Stoker (TMA)

Blair Pfaff (Black Monday)

Whizzer Brown (Falsettos)

Connor McKinley (TBOM)

Will Graham (Hannibal)

Cecil Palmer (WTNV)

Gunpowder Tim (The Mechs)

Aziraphale (Good Omens)

Emory (The Boys In The Band)

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Theriotypes:

Tuxedo Cat (English Shorthair)

European Fallow Deer

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Tags:

novah-speaks : General rambling of my own design

novah-rants : Rants about general things, can be both /j and /srs

novah-cries : Vents, usually /srs

novah-headcanons : Fandom headcanons for the silly blorbos I love dearly

novah-reposts : Things I repost

—

This blog will probably consist of fandom reposts, opinions, rants, and other silly material to that effect. Feel free to ask me questions about my headcanons or other things, I live to talk about my interests and such.

Regards to the hellsite,

Blair <3

[thegoodceai]

Five players wow! Thats a lot to convert to the "Devil's Game" I love that, congrats! From the handful of games I've gotten to play, I've flipped back and forth between using content that I've made for Stories and using the things that happened to place in the Stories; have you gotten to flesh out more of your fantasy adventure through dnd or vice versa?

Yesss, IF so goood. I'm definitely gonna check out those, I've had Project Hadea cross my dash a couple of times but as always know Of things not what they're about, but if u like em I definitely gotta check em out ^-^. The Passenger was a surprise hit for me, I personally suck at replaying for multiple endings/routes but that one I definitely wanna.

Ayyo! Nice! Even if nothings out yet, I still know it takes a lot of effort and ye is hard to even work up the confidence to put it out there, so I'm proud of you! I can't wait! If nothing else you'll have at least one fan, and it's always good even if you're just making it for yourself <3. Woulddd/have you considered making it an IF or do you have a more 'linear' story in mind?

Oooo nioce! I've saved scummed, and crash and stuck in sidestep is Rough, omg the good/bad angst lol. I've played twice but keep being 'too bad' for folks to want to bust sidestep out lul. I loveee reluctant villains, they're so good. I'm a big fan of playing sidestep as 'fated' but reluctant, like feels they can't stop but wants someone (cough ortega) to stop them. I've tiptoed into the fully evil sidestep, it's veryyyy rough but if you love angst I highly recommend, oh jeez just the reactions.

I feel u lol. We tend to name pets along with food names, but the hilarity of a Cat named like Kevin is just too great. Clementine is a beautiful name and a dumb orange cat would be grateful to have it lol.

Ahh fair enough. It sounds like it was a good series for the time, at the very least a good stepping stone and formative! I'm interested to see how much that might be reflected in your own writing. At the very least, thank you for sharing how important it is/was to you <3 :))).

Again thank yew for answering my questions and replying to all my paragraphs with paragraphs lol

asdfaf yeah, i love my friends to death but they are Chaotic players. it's been a journey. if nothing else, i've learned quite a bit of improv, and fleshing out our homebrew setting helped me organize my writing quite a bit (especially my outlines). for the most part, i try to keep stuff separate tho, even if sometimes some things bleed over (like, NPC traits, or city structures or stuff like that), but the stories are completely different in both the general setting, and the vibes.

Project Hadea just updated and i read it last night and. god. so good. definitely check it out.

it started out as a linear story, and mostly for fun, but the more i added to it, the more other possible outcomes and scenarios started to make themselves known and. i am kinda considering making it into IF format. idk yet, i am waiting to have it more fleshed out (like, actually written, not just outlines and bulletpoints and scenes that aren't yet tied to each other)

aaaah the good angst. i will definitely play an evil route with sidestep. hopefully soon, i started replaying Baldur's Gate again and the Hyperfixation is. very strong.

unfortunately naming pets with human names seems to start to be a tradition with my friends. we already have a cat in the group named Mike (he truly is the definition of no thoughts, head empty. i love my furry nephew so much). some other friends recently rescued a stray kitty and named her Maia (which we all know several people with that name). the other pets that are relatively close to the group are either named after food, or have very literal cat and dog names (my aunt got a cat and she named him Motan. which is just "male cat" in romanian. truly like naming your cat Cat)

thank u for being so indulging lol <3 it's been fun to rant with someone on this hellsite again 🖤🖤🖤

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 192

Heaven Can’t Wait/The Bells of Saint John

“Heaven Can’t Wait”

Plot Description: Dean and Castiel investigate a series of spontaneous human combustions, while Crowley helps Sam and Kevin translate an ancient tablet

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: idk what that dude’s whole thing is, but…I don’t think I could stop him if he wanted to explode me

Cas studying and imitating human behavior is adorable. You are CORRECT, miss manager lady, he IS special!! 💖

GWORL. I know you got a crush but holy shit. Wait…no. She…might not? The kiss was confusing but I think she actually wants Cas to babysit for a date she’s going on

Why are the splattered remains Barbie pink??

GWORL (Dean), you didn’t just wanna bail on research. You wanted to see your boyfriend

Well, damn, if an angel came and exploded me any time I exaggeratedly said I wanna die?? Yikes.

I’m sorry. Dean. You don’t get to be like this about Cas’s situation when you kicked him out of the bunker…

I can’t believe Sam is actively manipulating Crowley….yeah.

Dean, you get NO SAY in what Castiel is going through unless you take him back to the bunker. He is doing his best with what little people skills he has. He is content right now

Yeah. He’s being called in to babysit

He has responsibilities, DEAN. Like cleaning the restroom

Can you spit out why it’s so bad BEFORE what would be a commercial break? No? Cool.

Omg…Dean telling Cas how to dress for this (not-a-)date

It’s gonna hurt to watch Cas get shut down……..at least Dean won’t be there to watch exactly…

Don’t worry, Cas, it WAS a confusing proposition. I get she was excited for her date, but she shouldn’t have kissed you.

It’s sick and twisted that Crowley wants to use Kevin’s blood to call Abaddon. He should not have to go through this…

Castiel is adorably bad with this baby. He’s TRYING but like………oh. No. He’s not bad with her, she really likes him. I…this is so cute. He can weirdly relate so much to being new to being a human.

No no nonononoooooo. The angel who’s been exploding people found Cas by the amount of emotional pain he’s in

Omg Abaddon is so hot

Literally could not care less if everything she does gets labeled wrong by the story. Don’t care that Crowley gets mad that she’s invalidating his contracts and that she’s screwing up hell. She can do whatever she wants

Bets on whether Metatron’s spell being permanent:

1) actually IS permanent, and

2) is a thing Dean tells Cas RIGHT NOW instead of keeping it a secret?

Do you have a crush on him NOW, miss manager lady???

Yeah. Kinda knew Dean wasn’t gonna be the MOST upfront

Hmmm…I’m betting this isn’t a “I want to FEEL human again” blood injection. It’s probably a “if I’m human again I can escape this bunker” one

“The Bells of Saint John”

Plot Description: The Doctor’s search for Clara Oswald brings him to modern day London

(There’s a lot to hate about the Big Bang Theory but I will never fault the show for pointing out that, though the Doctor has access to all of space and time, he sure does like modern day London (or sometimes Wales) a whole lot)

Oh yOuR sOuL’s BeEn UpLoAdEd To ThE iNtErNeT?? Kay…what else is new?? And why are you clicking on weird wifi networks? Did no one teach you anything?? And like…SO MANY people did that

This episode is making me so angry…just as someone who spent most of their day with our IT department trying to get them to take me seriously about my persistent internet issues. Yes, the internet SHOULD JUST BE THERE. I wish I knew why it isn’t but I am also not an IT specialist. (I could spend the next hour ranting about how I cried on the phone because I couldn’t get them to do anything beyond basic troubleshooting and then the second it was back for even a moment they were like ‘well, now I can’t escalate it because it’s back. If it happens again, call back’ even though that WAS a call back because I’d had the same issue the night before…..but I do need to actually watch this episode)

Ah, damn, Clara, you clicked the wrong WiFi……

Ugh…they’re doing it again. They’re too much alike. Not to rush Matt’s time but I need it to be Peter Capaldi now.

These people remind me too much of Naomi and her reign over heaven in spn

Bestie, RUN.

Maybe if the Doctor had gotten a tonsure, he’d think monks are cool

I do like the little flair the bottom of the Doctor’s jacket has now. It’s a twirly jacket

Ohhhhhh there really isn’t anything like a freshly opened package of jammy dodgers though

This is framed in a way that’s supposed to be cute and because it’s the Doctor, WE know she’s actually safe but if a strange man broke into my home after something happened to me, carried me to my bed, laid out snacks, took all my messages for me (including interacting with people close to me), and then told me NOW I was safe…I would not think I was safe. Also, the music is rather romcom-y and that’s weird because he’s several hundred years older than her

“I can’t tell the future, I just work there” is a really good line though

Ok no. This is creepy af. People should not be hackable

Is…the great intelligence behind this?? The bad guy from the last episode?

Oh these people are going to regret taking the Doctor’s likeness to get to Clara

I miss when the Doctor was a little less of an action hero. He shouldn’t be allowed to ride a motorcycle up the side of a building

I was RIGHT?? The Great Intelligence was behind it?? HOW LONG WAS HE KEEPING THAT WOMAN HOSTAGE?? HOW LONG HAD SHE BEEN HACKED?? She sounded like a little kid when she came to

[thespacedragons]

(Rant warning- I need to process my emotions, and hey, why not do it on the hellsite?)

Something I hate is that I have a lot of behaviors that would make you think I was physically abused as a child (ex. startling at loud noises or sudden touch) but I wasn't ever physically abused, I wasn't even really emotionally abused, just constantly gaslit and manipulated into doing my mother's version of 'right'. I wanted so badly to be the 'good child' that I let myself believe that my mother's version of right was right, and I never bothered to look for anything else. I couldn't even say how much of my childhood was me thinking and how much of it was me wondering what I should do as the 'good child', the one who never got in trouble with teachers, who respected(feared a bit too) authority, who was so quiet and so so good, no personality really beyond being kind and nice and obedient. I should have climbed more trees, I should have made a few more reckless decisions, I should have gotten to know myself a little bit sooner, but I didn't, and I am who I am today because of it. I may regret it but I wouldn't change it. What I hate most about it is that I can't point at something my mom did and go, "This is what fucked me up. This right here." I could try, but it would be something so stupid and little that it seems essentially pointless, but all those little moments are what fucked me up.

Now it's so hard to speak up for myself, it's so hard to tell someone no, it's so hard to make phone calls, to talk to people in positions I perceive as authoritative. It's so hard to live as a human, all because as a child I wanted to be good. Quiet was good. Not having wants was good. Not having needs was good. Not having questions about simple things was good. Knowing big words that are useless and sometimes a hindrance in everyday conversations was good. As an adult it's different. Being quiet can be good, but I didn't learn how to communicate, and that's bad. I can buy my own wants, I lack the impulse control I might have had, and that's bad. My needs aren't a priority for me, and that's bad, I eat not what I should not as often as I should, we're not going to talk about how hard sleep is, the only need I've really indulged is that I'm awake during the night. I fundamentally misunderstood a lot of simple things because I never asked for clarification, I don't know a lot of things because my ignorance, my innocence, was considered good, it was praised and bragged of by my friends and family, and now I don't know things I should. My vocabulary is expansive, which is a good thing, but you spend too long trying to impress people you know and eventually you just incorporate the larger words into your natural speech pattern, and then you have to reword something you said three times so the person you're talking to can actually understand. Things that used to be good aren't so much anymore.

I know I'm fucked up because I have the scars, I don't remember where most of the scars came from, and most of them are small and almost invisible, but that doesn't mean they don't cover my body. That doesn't mean I can't still feel the bumps they left and remember the pain of getting them, even though I can't always remember how. That doesn't mean they don't affect my every interaction and color my every thought. I am who I am and I don't know who I'd be without them, but I do hope there is a me in some alternate reality that isn't scarred, that is something different and beautiful, but that wouldn't be me, and I know that, but that doesn't mean I can't regret the scars.

I am me and I wouldn't change that, but that doesn't mean I can't wonder and yearn for what might have been.

[itstheelvenjedi]

a vent post, do not reblog or clown.

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Thoughts on Gideon the Ninth

This post isn’t an analysis or even truly a review. It’s more like a loose collection of thoroughly subjective opinions on random aspects of the book. It exists mostly to provide context on any other posts I make.

But it also exists because I can never get enough of reading about other people’s experiences with fiction I enjoy, so it felt right to contribute my own post in return. :)

My first exposure to this series was definitely through tumblr. I came in already familiar with the whole “lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space” description, and it felt like half the people I followed on this hellsite were into the series. (Since reading the books and being able to recognize the characters more, I’ve found that the true amount is closer to 3/4, heh.)

Other vague details about this series I’d absorbed through General Tumblr Osmosis: I knew the main protagonist was a badass lesbian with a Cool Sword (nice), I knew there was some kind of enemies-to-lovers-ish arc (awesome, my fave dynamic), I knew there was someone named Ianthe who had a skeleton arm and was the Worst (rad, couldn’t wait to meet her), and also something something homebrew lobotomy in the second book(what???)? It all added up to quite the intriguing picture!

I then bought GtN as a Christmas present for myself last December. After having a very disappointing (and frustratingly queerbait-y) experience in my last fandom, I was feeling burnt out and extremely cynical. I’d said at that time that it’s foolish to trust writers who aren’t queer to do justice by queer characters… meaning, it was long past time I got around to reading a bunch of queer books by queer authors that I’d seen widely recommended but had passed on because I majored in Anime Nerd.

As it happened, I started reading the book one random Friday afternoon sometime during the holidays. 

I then proceeded to not put it down until literally 9 a.m. the following morning.

Now, to be fair, reading through the night and past sunrise isn’t super uncommon for me, but it doesn’t just happen for anything. (This also meant I got to the real juicy horror bits at like 4 a.m., an experience I can highly recommend.)

And after I finished the book… I took a deep breath, went to bed, and spent the next afternoon ranting to my little brother as I tried to iron out some rather mixed thoughts!

Things I took a while to warm up to:

-I know lots of people love Gideon as a narrator and protagonist - and very deservedly so, since sympathetic yet unapologetically butch protagonists like her are so woefully rare! - but she actually didn’t click with me at first, haha.

-As a sex-averse-ish ace, and as someone whose prior experiences with horny protagonists in published fiction has mostly been of the Gross Anime Dude variety, I absolutely did not know what to make of Gideon’s very openly lesbian brain. I kept expecting her to turn around and slap me in the face by abruptly becoming an unlikeable creep (see: Keiichi, Battler). 

And then she… didn’t? What? A horny protagonist that didn’t make me want to stab my eyes out? Even after I finished the book, I was struggling to wrap my head around that aspect of her. (Even now, I’m still not sure I can put my finger on what makes her so different from an Awful Anime Dude - but I suspect it’s in the way that Gideon is so kind and genuinely respectful of other people’s boundaries. No random humiliation-as-titillation jokes here!)

-Meanwhile another thing I had a hard time with was - and this will sound exceptionally silly - oh boy I am so very much not an athlete and I love magic and magic worldbuilding. So for me, a significant part of the book was mentally wanting to shake Gideon and yell at her to Pay Attention to the Necromancy Dammit! It’s cool and interesting and I wanna to know more, sure your swords are nice but I don’t care about swords that much! XD

-And, perhaps most oddly: I did not know what to make of the main relationship arc. Because - especially at the start - Gideon and Harrow’s relationship was a lot more fraught and unequal than I was expecting. I also tend to take characters at face value about how they say they feel (until proved otherwise) - so initially, I completely believed Gideon when she narrates about how all she wants is to leave the Ninth and for Harrow to die in a fire. Which then made scenes like where she goes to save Harrow from dying in a bone cocoon seem like a very abrupt and confusing reversal, haha.

It all added up to something that didn’t quite feel like a typical enemies-to-lovers. Like it was something else that felt weirdly familiar and just on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t remember what it was…

And then after I finished the book I learned that the author was a former Homestuck and OH. They were each others’ KISMESIS! Suddenly all the pieces fell perfectly into place and I was all EXCELLENT YES GOOD CARRY ON.

-(Tangent: my experience with Homestuck is that I encountered and read through it during the Act 6 hiatus while I was on break during college. I thought it was decently interesting, enough that I stuck around to read a few fanfics afterward. Then I just moved onto other things. And nothing I’ve heard about the author or the rest of the story has really made me want to go back and finish it. *shrug*

So while I’m certainly familiar with Homestuck, I am by no means an expert or even really a true fan or anything. Homestuck appears to be one of those things you either love it or hate it, and I’m a weirdo who just finds it “okay I guess.” Honestly, I’ve found it most interesting as a thing that went on to inspire other things! *cough* Undertale *cough*)

Things that are apparently controversial but didn’t bother me:

-The writing style: Gosh, I loved Muir’s style. How to even describe it? “gothic shitpost” is what I said to my brother. A swirl of lurid, almost purple prose spiked with sudden and irreverent memes that manages to be beautiful in one moment and laugh-out-loud hilarious the next.

Of course, one of my other favorite authors is Terry Pratchett, so the idea that pulpy genre works with humorous narration can also have Big Themes and invoke genuine emotion and drama didn’t come as a surprise for me in the slightest.

What maybe did surprise me a little was how… comfortable? this narrative style felt for me. I had been reading tumblr posts for years before I even made an account, and I’d been reading fanfiction even longer. So for me, the “unusual” slant of Muir’s writing wasn’t unusual at all. It was more of a slow realization of  “ahh. one of My People.”

-I’ve seen some people turned off by the way these books throw you in at the worldbuilding deep end and expect you to roll with it. But as I was reading, I didn’t even notice it, let alone register it as something to be bothered by? Diving in headfirst and learning the LoreTM as I go along is how I approach a lot of things, heh. Did I know the meaning of all the anatomy terms being tossed around? Hell no, but as long as I could make a decent assumption from context, that was fine by me!

(Not knowing much anatomy does, however, mean that writing fanfic for this series is going to be… just a little intimidating. eep. ^^;)

-The elephant impaled on a fence post in the room: Gideon’s death. So fair’s fair, I sure do love me some Angst and Suffering (see also: everything else on this blog). However, had I read the book on release, then the blatant Bury Your Gays might have made me more pessimistic and nervous (especially after those previously mentioned bad experiences…). But luckily I didn’t do that. I went into this book with the knowledge that the series continued and people were still raving about it. So I was willing to extend the author a tiny bit of trust.

Plus, of course, there was all the necromancy! Bury Your Gays, meet a very determined girl with a magic shovel. (See also: Madoka Magica Rebellion, which may merit a whole comparison post… but that’s for HtN and another time.)

-So yeah. I finished Gideon the Ninth, poured out all my jumbled feels and confusion to my little brother… and then put the series aside. Like, sure, I quite enjoyed it, and the writing/worldbuilding was so good that I was interested to read more eventually. But I wasn’t, like, obsessed or frothing at the mouth to read the sequel. I very rarely buy books for myself these days, and I had other things I was doing at the time. Like still attempting to write my Higurashi fanfic… :,)

Next time: Harrow the Ninth

[sundayinthcpark]

okay ik twitter is a hellsite (derogatory) rather than this hellsite (affectionate) but also i made a lot of friends on twitter and it’s one of the easiest apps for me to just say whatever and i’m sure we’re all just being dramatic but also what the hell am i supposed to do if it shuts down. what about my threads of the best fanfics i’ve ever read. what about my little art updates that i only let a couple people on my priv see because i hate my art. what about #blueheartsforflarke 💙 or seeing rachel zegler talk to vee and fran and getting excited. posting on my incorrect quotes accounts and seeing brick retweet every one of them. being ‘miller’s #1 fan’ to match his ‘gal’s #1 fan.’ what about all the time i spend making cute layouts and putting fun quotes in my bio. what about snek and celio and stephen yelling about ironstrange to me. no one talks to me on this hellsite (which tbh i’m kinda okay with it’s sometimes nice just talking into the void) but i have friends on twitter. ann and miller and brick and celio and snek and stephen and dorian. and definitely some other people. but like. the point is i don’t know how to not be on twitter anymore and if i have to i might cry. like that’s where i met annie and froot and zayna and leah too, that’s where i ranted about the fucking west wing and spider-man and kingsman and madam secretary and the 100. pls, that’s how i fucking fell in love with my best friend, was because of twitter. without that stupid hellsite the two of us wouldn’t be best friends. which is wild. anyway. having an existential crisis on my way to the airport how’s your night going?

[simon-newman]

A lot of the slavery seems forced and it's a cheap plot tool to put people on the same team and avoid making MC a Gary Stu by having girls just "take a liking to him" and suddenly they're on the team.

And it goes both ways - I recall at least 2 titles where isekai'd man was born into slavery.

And what is Saito other than a magic slave in everything but name?

What this unfortunate trope exposes is how some people have no understanding how world works - I've seen multiple moronic takes on the subject on this very hellsite - people suggesting how a "Real good MC" should "solve" the slavery problem if he really cared. Those suggested "solutions" I've seen ranged from "start a revolution" to "start buying and immediately freeing all the slaves he can" which... There are so many reasons why this just wouldn't work - I'm astonished people lack the understanding as to why.

In fact - I've read a novel last year that actually tackled the issue. I was even going to write a longer rant about the novel itself but it got buried in my growing mountain of drafts.

Anyway. In "Revenge of the Soul Eater" - stay with me for a bit here - MC buys a slave for only one reason - to cause outrage and provoke his old party members. In short - he has her keep moaning in the night (while not doing anything lewd to her) so that his old teammates would challenge him to a duel over her freedom.

After he gets what he wants he has no more use for her and offers to free her on the spot. An offer she refuses.

We are then given a chapter from her PoV and a good explanation. She's the oldest daughter from a family with multiple children where the father lost a limb and is no longer capable to provide for them. Until her brother comes of age and is able to work himself they have no income. Selling her into slavery got that family enough money to survive for 3 years. By that time another daughter will come of age and she can be sold - that money should be enough for them to survive before the oldest son comes of age.

"Just freeing her" far away from home just leaves a vulnerable girl alone in an unfamiliar environment and if she returns the money won't last the family long enough - she'll need to sell herself AGAIN to a new and possibly worse master. Meanwhile her current master allows her to gain job experience and a part of income her work earns - allowing her to send more money home.

(He still frees her a bit later and simply allows her to stay as a full time employee once his plans reach the stage where he basically runs an independent clan of adventurers)

I understand that the subject of slavery is very iffy especially in America but this was reality for a lot of societies before modern age - especially in terms of debt slavery and I think tackling it in the right way can do some good. The lack of understanding I've mentioned above is a good reason. If you think "just freeing slaves on the spot" in such setting is a solution then I'm sorry but you have little imagination as to what would happen to those people.

If people won't touch history books on the subject perhaps a decent explanation provided by fiction can give them an idea on how things would work.

The alternative is an idealistic, escapist reality where such things as poverty don't really exist. Which is also fine for fiction but not all fiction should be idealistic in that manner.

Well. You could also forget slavery and just show the poor families just starving in the slums of medieval/fantasy setting - in the same manner no MC in such stories would be able to help all of those people and I am sure this would cause another outrage because nobody wants to read about poor people starving to death in their fiction.

as someone who only read otome isekai genuinely wtf is going on in "men's" isekai variation 😭