#it's probably entirely irrelevant
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disability services decided they want one of their doctors to assess me, and then assigned a doctor from a different canton to do so, which. seems odd? they're organised by canton? why get a doctor from a different canton? do they not have any of their own?
#give me therapy i'm a walking travesty#it's probably entirely irrelevant#but combined with the fact that their supposed list of other acceptable doctors can't be found#and the link they provide is utterly useless#it's not exactly reassuring
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creeped timelines
hopefully this is readable once i post UODATE(;Itsnot ITS NOT READABLE 💔
#if its not readable ummmm.....#creeped#creepypasta#creepypasta au#hcs#some math/ages and dates and whatnot are probably messed up#because im really bad at this stuff#but its ok. its. ok..#HAHA SOME NOTES ARE MESSED UP#ignore majoras mask release date in ann and lulus timeline. thats entirely irrelevant to them
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People who say that Beauty and the Beast (1991) endorses Stockholm Syndrome and domestic abuse have very grossly missed the entire point of the story.
#disney#beauty and the beast#meta#disney meta#txt#belle was never abused once by the beast in the movie. he was really just a jerk#y'all do realize that there are people who are jerks that aren't necessarily abusive#now they might have a higher inclination for it but no beast never abused her#the scene where he lost his temper was supposed to show how much beastly nature was having a hold on him and he immediately showed regret#afterwards. as soon as belle called him out on his bad temper he never tried any other shit ever again#y'all really think that if he was abusive he would have redeemed himself THAT quickly?#again he did act like an ass but he was not an abuser. i don't think he woulda even been able to stomach doing something to her#unintentionally or not#the entire point of the story is that despite him literally being a beast belle was able to see “beauty” in him#she was able to look past that and see that he was actually a good person but that he just needed to improve himself#see belle wasn't a “i can fix him” type. she was the inspiration for him to become a better individual#being with her made him feel things he probably never felt before. he felt loved wanted desired#that is what he needed but had stayed away from because of his own insecurities#which is also why this discussion about whether he was hot in his human form or not is irrelevant in the end#belle loved him for who he was and she probably thought he was the most beautiful man in the whole world both visually and spiritually#also beast respected and loved belle. gaston only lusted her and saw her as a pontential trophy wife to boost his social status#you see gaston and beast are actually quite similar in the beginning#but the thing is that beast has virtues that gaston lacks#beast also wanted belle just to break a spell although he did try to show her humanity to show that there was an emotional complex human#being but he did genuinely fall in love with her and let her go. he sacrificed himself and his servants because he truly loved her#gaston would have never done that before he was already too far gone in his fixation with being the BEST#anyways#i have gone long enough about this but you get my point
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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Alright uninformed rant time. It kind of bugs me that, when studying the Middle Ages, specifically in western Europe, it doesn’t seem to be a pre-requisite that you have to take some kind of “Basics of Mediaeval Catholic Doctrine in Everyday Practise” class.
Obviously you can’t cover everything- we don’t necessarily need to understand the ins and outs of obscure theological arguments (just as your average mediaeval churchgoer probably didn’t need to), or the inner workings of the Great Schism(s), nor how apparently simple theological disputes could be influenced by political and social factors, and of course the Official Line From The Vatican has changed over the centuries (which is why I’ve seen even modern Catholics getting mixed up about something that happened eight centuries ago). And naturally there are going to be misconceptions no matter how much you try to clarify things for people, and regional/class/temporal variations on how people’s actual everyday beliefs were influenced by the church’s rules.
But it would help if historians studying the Middle Ages, especially western Christendom, were all given a broadly similar training in a) what the official doctrine was at various points on certain important issues and b) how this might translate to what the average layman believed. Because it feels like you’re supposed to pick that up as you go along and even where there are books on the subject they’re not always entirely reliable either (for example, people citing books about how things worked specifically in England to apply to the whole of Europe) and you can’t ask a book a question if you’re confused about any particular point.
I mean I don’t expect to be spoonfed but somehow I don’t think that I’m supposed to accumulate a half-assed religious education from, say, a 15th century nobleman who was probably more interested in translating chivalric romances and rebelling against the Crown than religion; an angry 16th century Protestant; a 12th century nun from some forgotten valley in the Alps; some footnotes spread out over half a dozen modern political histories of Scotland; and an episode of ‘In Our Time’ from 2009.
But equally if you’re not a specialist in church history or theology, I’m not sure that it’s necessary to probe the murky depths of every minor theological point ever, and once you’ve started where does it end?
Anyway this entirely uninformed rant brought to you by my encounter with a sixteenth century bishop who was supposedly writing a completely orthodox book to re-evangelise his flock and tempt them away from Protestantism, but who described the baptismal rite in a way that sounds decidedly sketchy, if not heretical. And rather than being able to engage with the text properly and get what I needed from it, I was instead left sitting there like:
And frankly I didn’t have the time to go down the rabbit hole that would inevitably open up if I tried to find out
#This is a problem which is magnified in Britain I think as we also have to deal with the Hangover from Protestantism#As seen even in some folk who were raised Catholic but still imbibed certain ideas about the Middle Ages from culturally Protestant schools#And it isn't helped when we're hit with all these popular history tv documentaries#If I have to see one more person whose speciality is writing sensational paperbacks about Henry VIII's court#Being asked to explain for the British public What The Pope Thought I shall scream#Which is not even getting into some of England's super special common law get out clauses#Though having recently listened to some stuff in French I'm beginning to think misconceptions are not limited to Great Britain#Anyway I did take some realy interesting classes at uni on things like marriage and religious orders and so on#But it was definitely patchy and I definitely do not have a good handle on how it all basically hung together#As evidenced by the fact that I've probably made a tonne of mistakes in this post#Books aren't entirely helpful though because you can't ask them questions and sometimes the author is just plain wrong#I mean I will take book recommendations but they are not entirely helpful; and we also haven't all read the same stuff#So one person's idea of what the basics of being baptised involved are going to radically differ from another's based on what they read#Which if you are primarily a political historian interested in the Hundred Years' War doesn't seem important eonugh to quibble over#But it would help if everyone was given some kind of similar introductory training and then they could probe further if needed/wanted#So that one historian's elementary mistake about baptism doesn't affect generations of specialists in the Hundred Years' War#Because they have enough basic knowledge to know that they can just discount that tiny irrelevant bit#This is why seminars are important folks you get to ASK QUESTIONS AND FIGURE OUT BITS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND#And as I say there is a bit of a habit in this country of producing books about say religion in mediaeval England#And then you're expected to work out for yourself which bits you can extrapolate and assume were true outwith England#Or France or Scotland or wherever it may be though the English and the French are particularly bad for assuming#that whatever was true for them was obviously true for everyone else so why should they specify that they're only talking about France#Alright rant over#Beginning to come to the conclusion that nobody knows how Christianity works but would like certain historians to stop pretending they do#Edit: I sort of made up the examples of the historical people who gave me my religious education above#But I'm now enamoured with the idea of who actually did give me my weird ideas about mediaeval Catholicism#Who were my historical godparents so to speak#Do I have an idea of mediaeval religion that was jointly shaped by some professor from the 1970s and a 6th century saint?#Does Cardinal Campeggio know he's responsible for some much later human being's catechism?#Fake examples again but I'm going to be thinking about that today
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;; i need you all to understand my vision here
;; yes the rest of mmj use the rooftop but minori had been using it for several weeks before the rest of them (i think, well assuming that the mmj main story takes place at least couple weeks into term.)
#not a quote#mod haruka#the mmj main story has to take place post shiho joining l/n right? because she isnt on the rooftop when minori goes up there#unless im forgetting something about the l/n story which i probably am i need to recap it#but minori is implied to have been using the rooftop for at least several weeks before haruka goes up#and haruka joins the main course late anyway#back on the shiho thought train#its entirely possible that minori started using the rooftop because shiho was up there#and she though 'oh thats one of my classmates!!'#shiho only used the rooftop during middle school didnt he#in that case its completely irrelevant innit#minori hanasato#shiho hinomori#mizuki akiyama#rui kamishiro
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'you're too technical' no i'm not!! you're using the wrong phrase and the wrong words and equivalating two things that are nearly complete opposites and/or irrelevant to each other !!
#just me hi#do not tell me a thing and then use forms of speech that don't align i will mentally explode and sit silently for 15 minutes hvfbhs#/'you're talking back' YOU are using IRRELEVANT information as LEVERAGEEEEEE#sure you know a lot. but you are making my brain funkin ITCHY with this kind of nonsense#she said it jokingly but it really does make my brain bad-itchy hsfbs#'think before you speak' your sentence structure will be sitting on my vertebrae for days. do you understand this#actively lowering my blood count every time they say a thing that just wouldn't make any sense on paper#am I the crazy one here? probably!! but ouhghhghhghhh#//Anyway aside from the brain-itching vertebrae-vibrating blood-count annihilating things lol#i have finished chapter one at last!! only took me two days‚ which is pretty good actually!! :D#did i mention i was rewriting p.space again ? cuz i forgor loll :>#i am pretty happy with it i think ? give it a month or so hfsh#i gotta work on the last couple paragraphs and maybe just the three last pages entirely and then boom! fineshed (finished with finesse)#i'm gonna go do that right now actually lol#or might end up watching youtube‚ who knows ! the world is full of wonder and happenstances :>
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my sympathy for vegans getting a flood of “DEBATE MEEEE” comments versus my frustration that their explanations and reasoning for vegan-ness still being fucking shit
#‘why are you arguing against someones life choices! their behavior isn’t a reflection on you!’ well A) i’m not actuall the one being critica#critical in this scenario i know better than to actually involve myself in that shit#b) Once You Start Making Ethical Arguments That Inherently Involves Everybody Fucking Else#AND THEN WHEN YOUR ARGUMENTS HAVE HOLES IT JUST. ACK#sorry but regaurdless of whether humans bred chickens or sheep to produce a surplus of That Stuff We Get From Them doesn’t make the fact tha#that harvesting that surplus SHOULD BE (not IS) harmless irrelevant#think i fucked up the grammer there. love how you can’t see the whole tag in the tags system#on mobile i mean#and like. suggesting selective breeding to REMOVE traits humans tampered into animals is still fuckin assumptive of what we even actually#meddled with#like jfc. veganism is an entirely fucking rational response to the animal industry’s plethora of degredations towards dignity and life#JUST CITE THAT#and while the plant agriculture industry is also completely fucked people still rely on it moreso than meat thus the demand is inelastic#and also theres hypothetically more room for actually ethical consumption. probably#veganism isnt INHERENTLY a step towards more ethical environmental practices but done not-catastrophically-wrong its stil a fucking improvem#improvement! and likewise it isn’t the ONLY road to making shit more ethical at least if you can accept that there is some ideal ‘ethical an#‘ethical animal agriculture’ that exists as a possibility out there#not to mention the whole ‘personal choices versus systemic change’ thing and how whe our politics affect our personal consumption that doesn#‘t really mean dick-all compared to actual collective efforts
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#my art#The world since goldport fell#the old god of the sea. one of the guys who is entirely irrelevant by the time the story kicks off. mostly because of the whole-#-having your godhood stolen thing. this guy was one of the first to be “sealed” so humanity hadnt perfected creating seals. so instead-#-a lot of the time the gods would be replaced. usually by the people who killed them. this is one of the cases where the replacement was-#-also not ideal for humanities continued existance. but at least there wasnt a god trying to drown anything that came too close to the sea.#blood warning#<- technically the old god of the sea bleeds ink but its probably best just in case
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[image caption: two books, one very thick and one very thin. the first is "the plot of mass effect 1" and the second is "the plot of mass effect 1 if the n7 armour had a helmetcam". end caption]
my mass effect hot take ((fuck the council))
#i literally started a rpg campaign with the premise that basically the council actually believed shepard at the end of me1#and the alliance somehow discovered the crucible plans and started building it right away instead of much later in 2195#and shepard showed up at the alpha relay not to destroy it but to fire the now completed crucible at all the reapers arriving#(somehow they cut the catalyst out of the loop idk. probably because all the reapers were there in one place & it was simpler)#and then the premise of the campaign was ''okay now you have a galaxy full of people who still don't trust each other''#''they didn't have their unifying trauma and they never learned to cooperate as a result of it. there is factionalism and shit.''#shepard was basically backed into a corner by being made the human councillor & was a non player character#that game ended up falling apart because someone in my group tried to basically pothole the game into being about murdering salarians#(they were playing a member of a headcanon secret krogan clan that basically kind of made the other krogan irrelevant/redundant?)#(like there were so many things in the setting they effectively had to break in order to make these plot beats work)#(incl like. the entire narrative complexity of the rest of the krogan)#and it just got fucking exhausting to fight them on every single thing (which is what they basically demanded)#this person also systematically demolished my mental health and my confidence in my ability to be competent at anything though#by making me extremely dependent on them while claiming they wanted to help me become independent#and leveraging their psych degree to be ableist as fuck to me#so like. i'm probably saltier than i should be about their creative contributions. idk i'm not gonna feel bad for it though#op and prev i'm sorry about the ramble in the tags#mass effect#personal
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goofy looking ass
#axel posting.#// tbd probably#the neopet is entirely irrelevant but i'll be around to write smn after i'm done half assing my silly little plot tasks
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i saw the duchess of malfi earlier today and i'm still thinking about it I Have So Many Grievances
#the incestuous undertones were stronger than perhaps necessary#also i didnt know who tf that guy (bosola) was and i kept being like (SPOILERS AHEAD?)#spoilerrrrrrrrrrrs coming up... noW#WHY ARE YOU MURDERING PEOPLE FOR MONEY???? JUST ? DONT? ITS THAT EASY?#but like. idk i didnt understand any of his talk w the cardinal at the start which probably didnt help#THEY KILLED MY QUEEN#they actually killed every woman but like#cmon#and i was super invested in how it was gonna end#until antonio died#then everyone died and it was just like#:/ come on this is silly now#i wanted to grab bosola and ferdinand by the shoulders and throw them into the nearest pit of fire#AND BOSOLA HAD THE CHEEK TO LIKE. TRY AND AVENGE THE WOMAN H E KILLED????? BRO?>???#get a grip get a life (or not actually i kinda wanted him to die)#ferdinand was literally actually evil and terrible and i wanted him murdered since the very start. horrid man.. disgusting#but i hated bosola most for some reason i was just so pissed off at him. maybe because he was a big fuckin snake#the cardinal was so irrelevant sorry babes#but that may have been bc i was trying to work out if i knew the actor (student production)#so i wasnt payin attention. he may have done some kind of plot twist but it did in fact go entirely over my head#the duchess shouldve killed bosola i stand by that#and when she died i wanted antonio to kill the brothers#HIS DEATH WAS SO UNNECESSARY#AND STUPID#anyway#this is my ramble#because i cannot stop thinking about it#it made me so mad for no rzn#it was good dont get me wrong but like#bro
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@girlfriendcas
“its a metaphor for capitalism”
#art#spiderverse#HECK YEARG GREMLIN KNOWS ENOUGH SPANISH TO READ THE ENTIRE MEME#(yes it's enough cognates that you can probably read it if you know English regardless. irrelevant)
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For the record I feel like saying "Dreadwolf is going to suck because they laid off Mary Kirby" is like... really dramatically missing the point of what's going on here.
The next game has been in alpha for nearly a year now. Kirby's work on the game as a writer was probably mostly finished. Which does not make this better. If anything, it makes it worse.
The layoffs aren't terrible news because a game we're looking forward to might be worse because of them. They're terrible news because people who have devoted years of blood, sweat, and tears to making the game good (including the person who wrote one of the two characters on which they've been hanging the entire marketing campaign for said game thus far) have been axed now that the company has decided it can probably get by without them.
The quality of the game when it finally comes out is irrelevant here. If it's amazing, it won't make this any better, and if it's awful, it won't make it any worse. What matters is the people whose labor made it exist at all are profoundly undervalued, the industry as a whole is broken and frankly abusive, and I wish everyone in it some good labor organizing.
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𝐝 𝐚 𝐲 𝐥 𝐢 𝐠 𝐡 𝐭 ⋆ ˚。⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚。˚ ⋆ nicholas a. chavez
playing: 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 by taylor swift 𝜗𝜚˚。˚ ⋆
synopsis! reader woke up late for work but nicholas, your boyfriend, wishes to stay in bed longer..
paring: nicholas chavez x fem!reader
warnings: lots of fluff , sexual content + unprotected sex! oral (f! receiving) , fingering , mature , 18+ (minors dni!)
word count: 2,500
⋆ ˚。⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚。˚ ⋆⋆ ˚。⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚。˚ ⋆⋆ ˚。⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚。˚ ⋆⋆ ˚。⋆ 𝜗𝜚 ˚。˚ ⋆
Soft sunlight filters through the thin slats of your bedroom window shades, casting patterns of light and shadow across the room. It’s not abrupt, but rather a slow increase in brightness that touches your closed eyelids, warming your skin and pulling you out of your dream. The room becomes bathed in a soft, golden glow, and as you blink awake, the light feels like a quiet reminder of the world waiting outside.
However, behind you with an arm draped around your waist and soft snores coming from his slightly parted lips laid your boyfriend, Nicholas, making you want to tell the world to fuck off, turn off the lights, and try again another day.
A soft sigh escaped your lips as you rubbed your eyes and stretched your arms making a half-asleep Nicholas stir. You smile softly and turn to face him with his eyes still shut. You ran your fingers through his tousled hair, briefly wondering how bad your own must look, before softly whispering, “Good morning.”
He hums softly, wrapping his hand around your wrist as it rests in his hair and brings it to his lips, placing a chaste kiss to your pulse. In a raspy voice, he murmurs, “Good morning, baby.”
“How’d you sleep?” You ask, your voice still low, not wanting to disrupt the stillness of this peaceful moment. It’s only Nick’s second time spending the night in your New York City apartment, the first just two nights ago.
He exhales peacefully, drawing you closer until your legs are tangled with his. “Your bed feels like sleeping on a cloud,” he murmurs.
You giggle at the sudden movement, watching as Nick plays with your fingers. Then he looks up and asks, “What are your plans for today?”
You groan at the thought of returning to reality. “I have to be at work by 8:30. I’m presenting a pitch for a headline, so I should probably start getting ready since it’s—” You stop to glance at his watch as he gently strokes the back of your hand.
“8:29?! No, no, no—fuck!” You quickly untangle yourself from his arms and get up, Nick’s shirt skimming the tops of your bare thighs as you fumble to put on your slippers. Just as you’re about to rush out of the room, Nick grabs your wrist and pulls you back into bed.
Before you knew it, your back was against the mattress again, pinned beneath Nick’s steady gaze.
“I love that shirt on you,” he uttered softly.
“Nicholas c’mon.” You ignore his remark, wiggling beneath him trying to free yourself. He however, seemed to have taken that as a damn challenge.
A smirk tugs on his pink lips before he leans down to ghost his lips against yours, teasing. It was almost like a test to see if you were gonna resist. But when you didn’t, he leaned down once again, capturing your lips between his in a slow, deliberate kiss.
In that moment, it felt as if the world slowed and everything narrowed down to just the two of you. The softness of his lips brushing against yours, a gentle pull, sparked a sensation that coursed through your entire body. There was an unspoken connection, an effortless sync as you responded to each other’s movements, and the kiss deepened naturally. His breath mingled with yours, and his touch was both tender and intense, filled with desire. Time became irrelevant; you could have stayed in that moment forever. Nothing else mattered except the feeling and Nicholas.
Nicholas. Nicholas. Nicholas...
He was all your mind could focus on.
His lips parted from yours with a soft, wet sound before trailing down your cheek, behind your ear, and slowly along your neck. The slow descent of his kisses gave your mind a fleeting chance to gather a coherent thought.
"Nick— I really need to get going," you breathe, trying to summon a resolve that feels distant in the moment.
"Do you, now?" he murmurs against your skin, gently nipping at your neck before soothing the spot with his tongue, drawing a gasp from your lips.
He knew all of your vulnerabilities, every spot that made you gasp for air, craving more, and he was definitely using it to his advantage. But you weren’t exactly upset about that.
Nicholas was feeling it just as intensely. Your sweet sighs and tugging of his hair as he suckled on your neck made all the blood in his body rush straight to his cock, leaving him a needy mess. And it didn’t help when he sucked on that sweet spot behind your ear, making your back arch into him and accidentally grazing his hard, throbbing bulge.
He let out a low groan at the small amount of contact and was desperate for more. Once again, his lips were on yours, more hungry and ravenous than ever. You felt the air leave your lungs when he rolled his hips into yours feeling every inch of him. The repeated action of his hips grinding into yours made you let out the softest moans against his lips, and that sound alone was enough to make Nicholas go wild.
He pulls away for a second to catch his breath as you do the same, though his hips never stop their mindless rutting against yours. He was so drunk on the taste of you, he couldn’t help but start rambling.
“Feel that? Feel what you do to me, pretty girl? Hm?” He’s breathless against your lips as he ground his hips against yours more intently, making you feel him through the barrier of your blue lace panties and his black boxer briefs.
At this point, you were ready to get fired.
Nothing would be able to drag you away from this moment with Nick, not even your fucking job.
All you could do to respond is moan into the air, hoping he wouldn’t stop. His fingers trail down to the hem of his t-shirt on your body. He lifted it just enough to reveal your navel and abdomen, kissing along the fabric as his head traveled lower and lower.
You wasted no time in discarding the nuisance item of clothing leaving you in just your underwear.
Nicholas left gentle kisses along your abdomen, trailing down in between your thighs, all the way to your ankles, then back up again.
“You’re perfect,” He whispers against your skin, his words sending shivers down your spine.
His eyes darkened as they lingered on what he craved the most, groaning in approval at the wet spot left on your underwear. You were soaking and Nicholas was ready to have a taste of your sweet nectar.
He planted a gentle kiss on your pelvis just above the little blue bow of your underwear, dragging his lips against you until he stopped right at the center.
Looking up at you through his long lashes, with a raspy voice he asks, “is this okay?”
You nod, breathlessly answering “yes.” And with that he wasted no time.
His lips pressed against your clit through the fabric, stealing your breath away. When his tongue slid slowly over the damp fabric, you couldn't hold back the moan that escaped, and he smirked against you.
“Look at you. So wet for me," he rambled, pulling the lace to the side to finally see you.
His finger glided through your folds, and he brought it to his lips, sucking it clean with his eyes closed in satisfaction.
The sight before you is so pornographic it makes you rut your hips up instinctively in hopes for some kind of friction which has him chuckling. He stops teasing you and discards your last item of clothing, leaving you completely exposed and bare to him.
Without warning, his flattened tongue swept a long, slow lick between your folds, making you cry out, your body reacting on its own as you ground against his mouth, fingers tangling in his hair.
You become dizzy as he begins to lap at your heat like a dehydrated kitten and your hips suddenly have a mind of their own, grinding against his face, hand shooting out to tangle between his brown locks.
His lips suction on your bundle of nerves and as your back arches, he plunges a finger in you starting a pace that has your eyes rolling.
“F-fuck!” You cry out, clenching around his digit as his tongue flicks your clit in different patterns that sends shocks throughout your body, that is until he inserts a second finger.
It’s amazing and almost pathetic how quickly he has you crumbling to pieces with just a flick of his tongue and fingers. Soon enough, you felt the knot in your lower stomach tightening, and Nick sensed it as well with a knowing smile, watching how tense your body was becoming.
“Gonna cum for me, princess? Huh?” He mumbles against you, never slowing the relentless pace of his fingers, feeling you clench around them so tightly, it makes him chuckle.
“C’mon baby, soak me. I wanna taste you,” His words push you over the edge off the cliff you were hanging on for dear life.
A string of moans leave your lips as your body begins to shake and convulse uncontrollably. His tongue rides you through the utter bliss, suckling and suctioning causing aftershock waves to jolt through you.
Nick runs his hands up and down your thighs, whispering praises, peppering you with kisses all the way up to your lips as you catch your breath.
“Feeling good?” He whispers, brushing your messy strands of hair out of your face with a soft smile. You nod, returning his smile, glancing at his sheen chest, running your fingers up and down it.
Your gaze then drifts down to the bulge in his briefs, begging for attention to which you trail further down, palming him with light pressure.
Nick’s head falls into the pillow beside you, a low moan escaping his lips at the friction his cock was aching for.
“Fuck— baby, don’t,” He babbles, gasping as you reach into his briefs and release his shaft from the tight confines, pumping him slowly.
You feel the heat in your belly flare up again at his desperate sounds of relief, and begin to tap the tip of his cock against your clit, teasing the both of you.
Nick crashes his lips to yours in a needy haze, both gasping as you line him up with your entrance and start inching forward so slowly it’s practically torture.
You’re so slick with arousal, there’s minimal resistance to his intrusion as you feel your muscles stretching to accommodate around him. You both let out a euphoric moan when he fills you completely, stilling himself and relishing in the feeling of your warm, wet walls.
“God—” He strains against your mouth, “I don’t think I'll ever get over how amazing you feel, angel.”
You moan softly at his words, rutting your hips against his, “please...” you beg, voice trembling.
He smiles against your lips giving you a quick peck, “please what, baby—hm? Tell me what you need.”
You whine in frustration, rocking your hips up once again, to which he takes as an opportunity to sneak his arm under the small of your back and pin you up against his chest. “What do you need, love?”
Before you could form a coherent sentence, he thrusts his hips forward once, the slap of your skin on his echoing in your bedroom which pulls a sharp gasp from your lips.
Then again, and again, and again.
“That what you need, sweetheart?” He pants, starting a pace that has you a mess of strained moans, matching the rhythm of his hips. “Need me to fuck into you like this huh?”
You can't help when your hands tangle in his hair, pulling on it as you cry out when his hips pull back and slams into you with such force, it makes your entire body jolt.
His pace quickens as he rests his forehead against your own, the small actions of you tugging at his hair seeming to enrage him more.
The sounds that echoed in the softly sunlit bedroom were the wet slaps of your skin colliding and a string of profanities and pants coming from the both of you, your walls clenching tightly around him as the tip of his cock hit your sweet spot over and over again with each thrust, sending you into a spiral.
You could feel the knot in your lower tummy starting to get tighter and tighter, your muscles flexing around him as you feel yourself quivering and he can certainly feel it too. His head drops down next to yours letting out low groans, never stopping his ruthless thrusts and determination setting.
“That’s it baby, one more, please.” He whines in your ear, kissing your neck and fingers landing on your bundle of nerves to spur you on alongside his sharp thrusts.
“Fuck— Nick, I’m gonna come,” You warn, feeling yourself start to clench around his cock, to which he keeps his relentless pace to finally push you over the edge.
You let out one last strangled moan as the knot inside of you snaps, digging your nails into his back, your head thrown back as your entire body convulses.
He buried his head into your neck, slamming into you so feverishly to drive you deeper into ecstasy and once you come down is when his thrusts start to become sloppy and moans louder.
He suddenly jolts forward, sobbing out moans through his teeth, feeling his warmth paint your walls white. He collapses on top of you, both breathing so heavily as the aftershocks of your orgasms rolling out of you.
Neither of you could move, relinquishing in each other’s company and trying to recover from the sensations you both just experienced.
After a while of sweet silence and whispering sweet nothings and praises to you, he rolls onto his side, bringing you closer to him.
He plants a soft kiss to the side of your head, drawing patterns on your arm with his fingers.
“I should probably call off now,” You suddenly say to which he responds with a snort.
He reaches down to level himself with your plump and swollen lips, stealing a kiss. “Yeah, you’re gonna be pretty busy the rest of this afternoon, angel.”
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The Sexed Regime, or: You Probably Have the Wrong Critiques of "TME/TMA" Terminology
Let's begin by looking at an interesting dichotomy.
There's an oddly pervasive idea in queer spaces that a truly progressive trans or post-gender politic underscores the irrelevance of sex. In contrast to patriarchal society's utter fixation on "natal sex", queer existence must be transcendent, a space in which one's bodily configuration is understood to be entirely under one's purview, where presentation is simply something we inhabit and implies nothing about our sexualities or embodiments. It is an idea of emancipation rooted in agnosticism, an anti-patriarchal revolution spurred by the lack of belief in our cissexist society's deranged emphasis on knowing what's in our pants at all times.
It's a very appealing idea, I'll admit.
Here's the thing, though.
The naturalization of sex is the foundation of patriarchy, as well as the basis of the heterosexual regime it instantiates. Humanity is cleft in twain, with one sex marked for reproductive-sexual exploitation by the other. Like most other regimes, this one is also powered by belief--belief in the superiority of the 'male sex', the unfitness of the 'female sex', and most of all: absolute belief that sex is immutable, exhaustively binary, and non-overlapping.
What this also means, ultimately, is that those of us who dare to desert the sex we were conscripted into face different pressures and violence. It is obvious that many trans people are also subject to reproductive injustice, as cis women are, and consequently the transphobia they face is very acutely a regendering impulse, a patriarchal desire to drag them back to the confines of womanhood to fulfill their patriarchal purpose. There is, understandably, a certain amount of solidarity between cis women and trans people who have suffered these aspects of the heterosexual regime.
This is in fact the understanding that gives rise to even liberal-progressive uses of 'male socialization' directed at transfems. Trans women are understood to have been spared certain excesses of misogynistic violence and therefore expected to see and approach the world differently. It is simply a neutral observation, of course, no judgment behind it ... well, until it comes time to deny trans women epistemic authority over experiences of misogyny or womanhood, even their own. After all, can transfems really be said to have a full understanding of patriarchy? They weren't 'raised AFAB'!
Oftentimes, this becomes a double bind of proving that transfems did experience trauma, feminization, and abuse even pretransition, often as children, which is then usually dismissed as "trauma dumping" or "equating womanhood to being abused"--despite the minimization of our experiences being predicated on our "lesser" understanding of the trauma of being "misogyny-affected". So let's not retread that.
Instead, I'll point out that people assume a symmetry, a complementarian equivalence, almost, between the experiences of trans people. What I would like to stress is that there is no such thing as a coherent "AMAB" class or a shared "AMAB solidarity" based on shared experiences of oppression, because I have some shocking news that readers may wish to sit down for:
Trans women are oppressed by cis men.
Cis men are overwhelmingly the ones who rape us, beat us, kill us, and seek to abuse us. When we were children, we were bullied and violated for our perceived effeminacy, largely by the cis boys we were most proximate to. Most of us have been around cis men when they've voiced their most dehumanizing, misogynistic thoughts about women, and have been punished for not participating in these rituals of misogynistic rhetoric, too. The trauma of our upbringing involves being locked into spaces with those who sniffed out our differences, our non-conformance, and routinely punished us for being deviant. When we grow up, they are the ones who largely continue to prey on us.
The chief characteristic of transmisogyny is the presumed artificiality of trans womanhood, the idea that we are mimetics, and our womanhood is a farce, a costume whose only purpose is sexual. This dovetails with our disposability--our inability to be women who can bear children, further patrilineality, and secure what minuscule respectability is afforded to the domestically-confined women who continue the male line. As such, our hyperfetishization marks us for extreme violence, as sexual objects that can be freely used and discarded, guilt-free, because after all ... We asked for it.
Why would we "choose" womanhood if we did not want this?
Which, ultimately, brings me to my point: Sex is a social regime of difference imposed on us, but it is, unfortunately, a regime still in existence. My sex is the basis upon which my womanhood is denied and my disposability justified, because the transfeminized are degendered--we are not, as a rule, provided a path "back" to manhood. Our "effeminacy" ensures that we are 'failed' men, because gender is ultimately hierarchal. Losing status, being unmanned, is frankly trivial, and is what underlies the oppression of queer men--trans men included. Most of us are ultimately subject to some kind of degendering, largely due to how a patriarchal society regards those who defy the reproductive mandate, but transmisogyny is a specific manifestation of degendering that trans women experience.
"TME/TMA" may well be an imperfect categorization--all undertakings in boundary formation are imprecise, though not always violent, given that we need descriptive terms to communicate--but the real issue with it is that it's an overly-ponderous and ultimately clunky terminology for the frank reality that the binary sex imposed on us shapes the contours of the violence we experience. I have never experienced the specific kind of misogyny that sees me as nothing but a broodmare, because I'm a filthy troon, that dehumanized abject thing whose only purpose is absorbing (sexual) violence. Yet the acknowledgment that transfems experience forms of violence that others do not--or sometimes, even the acknowledgment that transfems face violent misogyny at all--is much less forthcoming.
Our struggles are indelibly connected, of course, stemming from the same source and promulgated by the same regime that seeks to define us as nothing more than male property. The shape of each is distinct, however, and because people frequently misunderstand the shape of mine, the idea that my struggles are even connected to theirs, that I experience misogynistic violence homoousian with that which they experience, is frequently dismissed, or considered outright offensive.
This is why I talk and write about transmisogyny, and why more people need to become more familiar with how the naturalization of sex and the regime of heterosexuality under patriarchy necessitates our common struggle.
And unfortunately, in order to properly express these ideas, we do need to talk about the regime of sex.
#transfeminism#gender is a regime#materialist feminism#lesbian feminism#sex is a social construct#social constructionism#feminism#transmisogyny#transphobia#degendering#regendering#anti transmasculinity
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