#it's okay for a game you sincerely enjoy to not be great critically. I really wish people would understand this

[jaythelay]

"legally" obtained Cyberpunk and it's been a ride.

It's a very confused game. Much of it feels undesigned, like they had an idea, implemented it, and barely adjusted it from there. That's not a claim, that's what it feels like, to be clear.

To me, it's weird having an open world at all for something that thus far feels like hallway after hallway designs. Sometimes it gets so absurd, like climbing very boring rubble with little to look at to continue the story, and it's got platforming but I can only ask what would be lost if they did anything else? One time so far an elevator failed, so I had to walk left, press F, then it came down and I could continue normally. What. Was the point.

The inventory system is as cool as it feels undesigned. All the UI is terrible and none of the stats carry meaning. It's just how they shoot differently, and that, is really cool. I found a sniper rifle that shoots 9 shots in a circle, that's cool as hell. Gives me borderlands vibes, but I imagine every gun like it does the same, so it starts to feel more like they had far too many designs and didn't want to leave any off the table. I'm usually fine with this but the sheer abundance of the exact same weapon duplicating in your inventory is rather undesigned feeling. Idunno what to dissasemble nor where to put shit up. Though the fact some are shooting differently from one another is rather refreshing in the FPS scene.

I skipped the intro. Fully expected the intro to take far, far, far too long before anything of real interest happens. As far as the story goes it's confused. I'm saving the US president? In the first hour essentially? Eh, honestly the president has been pretty fuckin' badass so I'm able to focus on her characterization more than her job being The Most Importantest Thing Everz (we can't write story but can characters, aka) I'm a Street Punk who suddenly is protecting America's Democracy ans president.... yay cyberpuuunk....

Performance is all over the place and visually the game is incompetent without raytracing. It looks fine enough with RT, but without, oh wow, nobody spent much time on that. HDR settings are fake and meaninglessly unusable like most games, no setting other than RT seems to improve performance either. Even upscalers aren't doin' nothin'. Primarily the lighting and brightness of the game is downright awful. Simple Darks becomes Black and Brights become White. You'll be needing Reshade for this one folks, I can't stress enough how much work it took to get the game to be Visible??

In terms of gameplay, man what's going on with the scroll wheel for weapons. The hell are these god awful claws? Why do they keep showing up when I'm scrolling through guns? I'm in the middle of a firefight trying to switch to a sniper and they pull out fuckin claws? Can't even unequip them and melee in the game has thus far proven rather poor, fruitless, unfun, and not worthwhile. A real joke of a weapon forced into your weapon scrolling. Can't quick change either, gotta wait on the pull out animation. Gunplay is...bulletspongey for the sake of it. They had big guys with big guns at 2 points so far and I've never been able to use their gun on a single enemy thus far. It's cool they don't just ragdoll upon death, and play an animation as long as they're being shot, though, maybe the giant mech could've ragdolled when only it's toe was on the upper floor.

Exploration is borked head to toe. There's one section where you're on the story path, and ya look around every possible direction but forward, just to eventually find a small square of the area in between doesn't have double jumping for some reason. So you double jump in areas you can to explore and find....absolutely nothing there was 0 reasons to have a random square non-double jumpable and exploration didn't matter other than ammo...of which the game gave me 999 for every single one basically at the end of every encounter? You're never gonna go below 700 bullets. Might as well not even bother with ammo pick ups? It's really, really "undesigned" stuff.

In order to get what feels like a rather essential and basic skill, I have to unlock an entire section for? with like 13 points or some shit I have NO CLUE where to obtain? Leveling up in general is exceptionally poor. Nothin' is organized or makes an ounce of sense. There's 40 different things to level up and 0 direction for what any of it is. Just kinda...saving points til I can actually buy something...rather simple? Meh.

Hacking is an absolute joke. I sincerely hope whoever designed that crap never gets another job in gaming. It's indescribably bad. There is no way to elaborate. You see it, and genuinely want to punch the creator of it. Bad. Exceptionally so and doesn't take much time to realize it.

Oh and they have QTE that uses the Dialogue Box for input. Absolutely. Hilarious. I don't even know if I should call it bad, if it works it works, but man, it's really lame, rather lazy feeling. Imagine if Fallout had QTE using their dialogue boxes, it feels rather poor.

But bizarrely, despite all this, I can't say it's been a bad time. I haven't gone "Bro what even is the point in continuing" or "Wow ya'll really didn't think to playtest this part huh." nah it's been fine. A decent middle of the road 6/10 experience that you easily can get elsewhere and better. But it's not dreadful. It's interesting in some areas, the MC's writing is unbearable to enjoyable, the other characters....exist. The designs of everyone is dogshit, Idunno who said Cyberpunk needed the ugliest looks but boy they went with it.

I don't reccomend it however. It really has been middle of the road generic slop. Far too much of a budget for the gameplay it actually is, and thus far too costly given the price. Get it on sale for 20$ bargain bin prices and you'll have a fair trade. Surprisingly playable, but unsurprisingly incompetent, but even more surprisingly, not a bad time. Just not a very good one. You'll feel a higher quality in indie titles, as usual.

It's confused as hell and doesn't got a clue what it is or wants to be, but the ideas inside, while not well executed, do keep the game feeling fresh at times. It does feel a cut above the average FPS in moments, but it overall does nothing better or new than any previous game similar. Just shootin' guys, poor stealth mechanics, and endless talking, with dogshit exploration, in poor level design sections. But it's fun enough to not focus on all of that, the pace of the story keeps bad ideas from lasting too long (sans the giant mech fight nobody playtested) but in turn you're gonna pass out waiting on story to give up it's stolen turn of fun so you can get back to having fun. It really does start to become "okay when does gameplay happen?" after a while. Dialogue choices thus far are frivilous.

It's just...confusing this game had so much time and budget...there's...nothing here. Nothing to indicate it took a decade and a half to come out. Not one aspect feels like the budget helped. Just the graphics which have awful visuals without RT. How does a game made a decade before RT existed, look horrific without it?

Oh and the bugs and jank. It's not as bad as release day but this shit's Jank-yyy. Like people just...spawn inside you. Or walk into walls? One time an enemy's feet was stuck in the ground... It's not embarrassingly bad like most modern titles, but it is noticeably poor at times.

I don't have much else to say. I wouldn't even say much about this if it didn't have a marketing team ensuring people made claims of the game based on emotion they created in their head based off concepts in the game, but not anything actually in-game. It really is a generic slop of an experience, but given today's standards, I guess that's high quality now. Meh. It's not horrific, just...forgettable. Nothing in here makes me go "Oh man I wish my friends got to experience this!" it's just mindless for the most part. I sincerely don't see the hype for the game, it really is amateur hour between the higher budgeted sections for story primarily if not solely.

Why bother with an open world if you're just gonna make a streamlined linear experience? There's no reason to go killing at random and less reason to explore. Rather empty but cluttered with the exact same burrito vending machine over and over. NPCs got nothin to say. It really is just a confused game top to bottom. But the difference between other confused titles and this one, is they actually seemed confident enough to make poor ideas into unbothersome ideas. From mediocre to decent.

I just Do Not Think anyone had a clue towards game design on this product. It's painful how confused it is. And it's even harder to explain such a point in a game riddled with half-ideas polished into half a doorknob. If I were best to describe it, it feels like 4 teams worked on the game at the same time, and then they had to put it together at some point far too late to fix any inconsistencies or poor designs. Like they had 4 versions of the game and grabbed what worked best from each and put it in with reckless abandon.

At no point does it feel like a path was fully intended. It just feels like they're using assets they only just saw and only were just provided. Exploration is the largest part of this confusion factor, as it's just dreadful.

Anyways, nah this ain't a rant. It's more of a "Wow despite all of yourself, you're still fun" it feels like if a bargain bin game got far too much of a budget and too long to develop, but the devs were passionate enough to make it work regardless. It's impressive in that, despite all it's flaws, you can still have a pretty above average time in it, just...don't expect anything revolutionary or approaching as much. It's all ideas you've seen before and done better half-slapped into here with little regard.

But it is fun. It is decent. Just not...the size of it, good, the size and passion of the community, good. It's Greg levels. Ya don't hate Greg, but ya don't really want to be around them, though when you are you never have a bad time. That, is Cyberpunk 2077. Greg.

[daisywords]

2 and/or 19 for the book asks?

2. top 5 books of all time?

okay favorites are really hard for me so here's just five I happen to like (in no particular order):

the Kingkiller Chronicles: my problematic fave. people have plenty of valid criticisms of these books and I'm like yeah that's literally so true and I just continue to reread them anyway I just enjoy them sm okay like yeah it's the ultimate mary sue character that's literally The Point okay and meanwhile I'm just going to get lost in the allure of this fantasy world. So rereadable

Ender's Game: one of the books of all time. what can I say

Ryria Revelations Trilogy: I wish more people had read these. Your classic high fantasy but like...really good. Great characters literally all of them are blorbo material can we talk about Arista Essendon my beloved, and Myron, and Fanen Pickering my dearest, and Amelia!!! and Wesley our favorite boy, and ofc Hadrian Blackwater, and Royce Melborne who. how could you not be obsessed with him? and the plot comes together so nicely. just perfect series progression. and also Saldur one of the most effective villains I have ever read. anyway I'll shut up but please read these

Queen's Thief series: new addition from this year! I devoured this series so fast and yet it's so rich. I feel like I could study these for years. I need to own them so I can reread and reread and get everything I missed. Unlike anything else I have ever read—seriously how can something be so twisty and unstated and sincere all at once? Also Sophos owns my heart now <3

Fablehaven series: beloveds. Yeah these are for kids or whatever but they Hold Up. Brandon Mull really said we're just going to include every cool fantasy concept I can think of and just pulled it off. Really enjoyable the whole way through and really well-structured as a series. Lovable characters. I read these when I was the target audience and I kept rereading them and I literally just stole them from home when I was there over Thanksgiving so I could read them again

19. most disliked popular books?

Okay so fun story once for my birthday or Christmas or something it was after I got a kindle and I got as a gift an amazon gift card to buy ebooks. Anyway so I, a teenage fantasy fan, decided to foray further into the world of YA fantasy and I did something I don't usually do, which is buy books I haven't already read.

I bought Throne of Glass and Graceling and I hated both of them. Literally reading like oof I spent money on this. (I went of a few years later to continue the Throne of Glass series because someone told me the later books changed drastically and were way better...well there was definitely some whiplash but it did not get better. I was like okay Sarah you could have just started a new series? anyway not trying to turn this into a full-on rant so I'll shut up.) Graceling...no shade if you like that book I don't think it was objectively that bad but just very much not for me.

Also I think I've mentioned this before but I made it through A Farewell to Arms and The Sun Also Rises and I think I've earned the right to be done with Hemingway. Yes his prose is good but at what cost like I hate all of these people and I do not want to read about them

book asks

[thunderheadfred]

🦅Hawks HC’s🦅

This is SO unnecessarily long. Some NSFW. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

General

Has zero social life or hobbies outside of work. He knows it’s unhealthy, but like, who has the time?? Oh? Lots of people do?? Haha what are healthy work/home boundaries? He desperately wants to retire and always talks about a world without heroes, but the truth is he would have no idea what to do with himself if he got his way. Take him to a park at midnight and watch him turn into a giant repressed child on a swing. He’ll do a standing-360 and it will be terrifying.

Listens to music way too loud in his headphones to drown out wind noise. Probably half deaf at this point. His musical taste is wild; listening history all over the fucking place. Algorithms have no idea what to do with him.

That visor? It’s prescription. Wow is he far-sighted. He wears glasses. He’s not blind without them (rather the opposite) but they help him see things directly in front of him without massive eye strain. Yeah, he looks really hot in glasses.

Prefers communicating via text. Sometimes it’s a lot of dumb memes, but mostly it’s sincere. He can say what he means when he doesn’t have to put on a public front.

Smokes like a chimney. Self medicates with stimulants. Coffee, tobacco, sugar. Fidgety, likes things in his mouth or hands. Gnashes on toothpicks and popsicle sticks. He really should go back to therapy, huh? His teeth are sparkling white for the cameras but his breath could use some work. Chews gum a lot to compensate, and always does it really loudly with a big shit-eating grin.

Impatient as fuuuuuck. Rude about it. If you take too long doing anything, you’re going to hear a foot tapping. He’ll smile and laugh it off, never ever directly criticize you about it. But lord, the dramatic sighs. He WILL nudge you out of the way and take over in order to finish a task faster, and it’s truly fucking annoying.

LOVES food. Has the metabolism of an actual bird. Will seize upon any excuse to eat. No need to be self-conscious about eating in front of him; he wants you to enjoy it. Steals bites from you and talks with his mouth full. Prefers street food and take-out, usually eats while walking or flying. Sit-down restaurants are an invitation for gawkers.

He’s one of those celebrities that looks way taller on TV. In real life, he’s small and compact. So you’re surprised the first time you see him in person. He has a big head. Literally.

If you’re taller or bigger than him, he does Not Care. He treats everyone like they’re four feet tall, even Endeavor. Everything you do is cute. If you’re actually short, he’s going to carry you around all the time, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Collects big chunky overpriced watches. All the better to tell you you’re late.

Half his clothes are brand fucking new. Sometimes he forgets to take off the tags. (Don’t look at the prices, do NOT) He never seems to wear the same thing twice. He also never seems to go shopping. Brands just give him stuff, and he shrugs and goes “yeah okay.”

The other half of his clothes are old, faded, and patched up. Every item he acquires for himself has deep sentimental value. If you tell him to throw away that nasty ten-year-old pair of frayed cargo pants, be prepared to find out how wrong and evil you are for even suggesting it.

He doesn’t snore; he coos. Loudly. Like a fucking pigeon trapped in a megaphone.

- - - - -

Dating

Gift-giving is his love language. Bringing your favorite snacks. Leaving novelty magnets on your fridge. He found a copy of that book/game/movie you mentioned like a month ago, don’t you remember? If he has to go out of town on a job, he’ll bring back the ugliest possible souvenir, just to annoy you.

He likes gifting jewelry especially. Covering you in shiny baubles, little golden things. Not expensive, but unusual. Antiques or handmade, even bizarre vending machine crap. Gets really handsy if you wear or show off his gifts.

Since you’re the first person who has given him The Feels, if you are resistant to his advances (like, say, because he’s way too famous and you’re terrified he’s gonna break your heart) he’s going to go fucking nuts trying to woo you. Doesn’t have a single patient bone in his body but will wait as long as it takes for you to come around. He’ll act like he’s cool with just being friends at first, just hanging out, haha. Oh you’re busy today? That’s cool. Inside he’s shrieking like a tea kettle. Go ahead, make him wait.

Don’t bother giving him a key to your place. He’s coming in through the bedroom window or patio door. Just put out a damn welcome mat on your balcony... or a bird feeder.

A bit of a voyeur. He likes to watch you do your normal routine without interruption. He can see from miles away so if you’ve got your lights on at night, he’ll creep for a while before he comes in. It comforts him immensely, seeing a little slice of the world that isn’t constantly in need of saving.

Is super talkative and funny but a terrible communicator. Makes more jokes the worse he feels. Will almost never tell you what he needs. Most of the time, he doesn’t even know. You will learn to read between the lines and gradually notice his tiny unconscious cries for help. Back rubs make him emotional.

He shows up at your place at the weirdest times. All hours. You’re never ready. At first it was infuriating, because you wanted to look your best and have time to prepare, but you figure out pretty quickly that seeing you in your natural state is his favorite thing. He never gets to be around normal people, doing normal things. A boring, lazy afternoon is his idea of paradise.

He’ll pick through your things and ask a world of invasive questions. A medicine cabinet raider. He wants to know every fucking tiny thing about you, live vicariously through you.

He actually lives in a top floor penthouse. Because I mean, where else? Never spends any time there; mostly he seems to roost on the balcony. He has used the front door maybe once. He much prefers your place, and will only take you back to his after months of dating. It’ll take like, an entire emergency. You’ll end up in his bed by mistake.

Because when you finally come over, he’s embarrassed. Its sparse. White. Things in boxes. A new furniture smell. Like he’s not done moving in, though he’s lived there for years. He wants you to move in So Bad but doesn’t want to be pushy. If you don’t start leaving your stuff there, he’ll steal things from your apartment. Where the hell is your favorite t-shirt? Or that pillowcase you like? Dammit Keigo.

He’s a decent cook, a habit he made himself pick up because he thought it might make him feel more normal. It... didn’t. He never actually cooks until you give him an excuse. He’ll bring you breakfast in bed and watch you eat every bite with big hungry eyes.

He’s got a separate wardrobe for his hero costume and all his feathers. Yeah. His feathers. Because he can detach and control his feathers at will, when he’s alone at home he kind of just... shucks off his wings. The first time you see him do it, your eyes fall out of your head. He walks around in a tee shirt and boxers with these ugly little stumps covered in brownish, blood-red down. It actually looks kind of gnarly, like he got mauled by a bear.

He’s never dated until you. No one has ever been in his apartment until you. No one has called him Keigo until you. He has some bigass intimacy issues. Because. Y’know. The trauma. But god, he wants you in his life so bad, even if he has no idea how to make time for your relationship.

He’ll want to keep you to himself for a while. Once you go public he’s going to have an arm around your shoulders at all times. Publicly Displays his Affection way more than is socially acceptable in Japan, and gives precisely -100,000 fucks.

His fans either love you or hate you. There is no in between. He will immediately take your phone and threaten to drop it from a great height if he catches you reading shitty gossip about the two of you. Does NOT care about his public image anymore, doesn’t want YOU to care about it either. He’s gonna retire soon anyway, remember? That’s a lie.

Being a charming motherfucker is the core of his public persona, so you will get jealous. A lot. He will flirt shamelessly without realizing it. He will get photographed in compromising positions with gorgeous people.

Once you accept that he’s basically an actor 80% of the time and that Hawks and Keigo are separate identities, you’ll both feel better. When he comes home (to YOU) and falls over exhausted and stops being Hawks(tm), when he scratches his ass or burps in front of you, when he yells to you from the bathroom, when he groans childishly about his shitty day while laying face-down in your lap, you’ll know you have nothing to worry about. Keigo is all yours.

Boundaries? Never heard of ‘em. He’s either a million lightyears away or he’s glued to your hip. The whiplash is astounding.

Absolutely says “I love you” wayyyyyy to soon. It thrills you but scares you off at the same time, because there’s no way Hawks - The Hawks - can actually mean it, right? (He does)

Rings? Nah. When things get serious, he will make a necklace out of a feather for you, and if you ever take it off, you better be asleep or in the shower. Even then you’re on thin fuckin ice. If you’re not wearing it he knows. He’s never mean about making you put it back on, it just makes him nervous if he can’t feel your heartbeat.

- - - - -

SPICY CHICKEN NUGGETS

High sex drive. Horny like 25/7. Probably a symptom of having way too much pent up stress.

Often takes care of it himself when he doesn’t have the emotional resources for anyone else, even his S.O. Figures you don’t want him coming on to you as often as he would like to, but he’s too stupid to talk to you about it first. Morning masturbator.

Yes he’s fucked around a lot but he’s not exactly a playboy either. People have always thrown themselves at him, and before he met you he let them do it. Especially when out of town and staying in a hotel. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, etc.

He’d never be unfaithful to you though; his loyalty and dedication are frankly a little unsettling. Sometimes you feel like the only thing in his life other than hero work. Teach this man to knit. Make him join a book club. Christ. Anything.

Does in fact have seasonal mating patterns and it’s super embarrassing.

An underwear-sniffing perv. He’ll definitely hump your pillow.

Gets a sick thrill out of breaking in and startling you. Coming up behind you in the dark, sneaking into your bed. It’s probably his worst habit, and even he hates that he does it. If you get better at detecting him he’ll be so proud. Land a slap on him and he’ll be a horny mess.

Dog-whistles at you. Often from rooftops, and you have no idea where he is but you know he’s leering.

He will call you a lot of really stupid pet names. He likes the way you blush when he finds a newer, stupider one. Calls you angel when he’s really far gone.

Likes to scratch you with his stubble until your skin turns raw and sensitive. If it annoys you or hurts a little? Even better. Making you squirm is his new favorite thing. Especially when going down on you. Your inner thighs are always exfoliated.

His cock is average in every respect. This is not a bad thing. He knows how to please you with every totally normal inch of that cock. He has some kind of homing beacon installed on your sensitive spots.

Goes absolutely insane for blowjobs. Any time, any place.

Likes to bend you around in all kinds of positions with an assist from his feathers to hold up an ankle here, an arm there. Get used to floating mid-coitus. It just seems to happen.

Spanky.

His number one priority is making you feel adored and at home in his bed. Ohhhhh he likes to make you smile. But if you encourage him to get pushy and dominant with you, you will have a good, good time.

He’s switchy, and will lose his shit if you initiate or take control. Again, he’s always horny for you, because he can finally let go. Breathe in his direction and he’s hard.

Doesn’t moan much, but Babe, he’s a dirty talker. He’s not smooth or deliberate about it, it’s more like he can’t fucking believe you let him do whatever he wants to you. You like that huh? Like he’s in stages of shock. He’s singing your praises to high Heaven and muttering oh shit oh shit oh shittttttt and laugh-crying as he cums. He never talks about his feelings; he fucks about them.

After. Care. King. He loves pampering and clucking over you anyway, this is simply another excuse to do it. He knows exactly how much water you drink in a day. Can’t take care of himself for shit, but you? You’ll never have a need he won’t try to fill. What’s all that hero work for if not this? Yeah, soak it up. You deserve it.

[sleepdeprivedsloth]

OMG YES you don't understand how excited it makes me to see your requests open! I've been waiting for this moment for so long!! XD I would freakin LOVE to see what you do with Hinata and Kageyama! I personally prefer their platonic relationship and lee Kageyama has my whole heart, but I'd be 100% happy with whatever you decide to do!! For the numbers, maybe #6 and #19? Thanks so much for opening requests! I'm so excited you don't understandddd!!! <3 (Also I hope you feel better soon! ^^)

a/n: thank you so much for all the kind words!! ik it's been a (very long) while since the last time i posted, and i sincerely apologize for the wait! I"M SO GLAD THAT YOU REQUESTED PLATONIC KAGEYAMA AND HINATA BC THEIR FRIENDSHIP WAS SO FUN TO WRITE IN THIS!! hope you all enjoy :)

Someone Admitting Something

[Haikyuu - Hinata, Kageyama]

words: 1.4 k

#6: “Don’t you even dare touch me…”

#19: “Geez! You sure do squirm a lot!”

--

Some setter you turned out to be. Kageyama winced at the internal criticism, his movements sluggish as he packed up his belongings in the club room. Can’t even control something as simple as your timing.

It wasn’t even a real game, just another practice match against Seijoh, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t matter. Kageyama was off his game right from the start; the ball sat uncomfortably in his hands at every serve, his fingers clumsy with every set. He was losing more points than gaining, until he was benched and Sugawara subbed in for him. After Suga came into the picture, Karasuno was luckily able to turn the match around and earn a win against Abajo Sai. No thanks to Kageyama.

Why are you even on the team when you can’t help out during a match? Kageyama closed his eyes and sighed, feeling completely and utterly defeated.

“What’s taking you so long, slowpoke?” Kageyama’s eyes snapped open at the voice. Looking around, he realized that he and none other than Hinata Shoyo were the last two left. “Are you trying to race me to see who can take the longest to leave?!”

Kageyama looked back to Hinata with the most deadpan expression he could manage, hoping that his face was conveying just how stupid this thought was.

Unfortunately, the message went straight over the ginger’s head. “Ha! I accept your reverse-race challenge! Prepare to lose, Crappyama!” he exclaimed as he bent over to start untying his shoelaces in a slow motion type manner.

Kageyama only shook his head and continued to pack his things away, for once ignoring the childish competition proposed by his teammate.

“Kageyama?” Hinata asked, beginning to sense that something was off. The Kageyama he knew would never turn down a chance to one-up him, even if it was something as silly as a slow-mo race. “You doing okay, dude?”

“Do you prefer me or Sugawara?”

Utterly confused, Hinata could only respond with, “Huh??”

Kageyama looked down, his bangs covering over his eyes. “As a setter. Do you prefer to hit sets from me or Suga?”

“Oh, that’s an easy one! I prefer both of you!” Hinata replied, not missing a beat. “You guys are both super talented and experienced, so there’s no way I could only choose one of you.”

“Even after today?” Kageyama spoke barely above a whisper, his voice quieted by shame and regret. “Even after I was so useless to the team that Coach put me on the bench?”

Suddenly, Kageyama felt a pair of arms wrap around his lower ribs from behind him in a tight embrace. After the initial flinch from the unexpected contact, he looked back and saw a mess of orange hair pressed against his spine.

“Is this sad mood really because of the practice match?” Hinata mumbled into Kageyama’s back, sending shivers to run through the ravenette’s body. “It was one off day, dude. One bad game doesn’t determine your worth as a setter, especially when you’ve had so many great and amazing days!”

Kageyama shrugged away from Hinata’s hug and turned to face his teammate, raising his voice to argue, “All of those other days don’t matter if I can’t give you a good set when it actually counts!”

Throwing his arms exasperatedly into the air, Hinata was quick to shout back. “That’s why you have a whole team to back you up, stupid! If you give a bad set, the spikers will adjust. If your serves suck ass, we’ll prepare to go on the defense. If you’re feeling off your game, the team’s got your back! Coach didn’t put you on the bench because he thinks that you’re a bad setter, otherwise you wouldn’t be on the starting lineup! Suga subbed in for you to help out. That’s what a team does, for crying out loud!”

Kageyama could only stare into Hinata’s eyes, mouth slightly agape out of shock. He certainly didn’t expect to be lectured into feeling better. But the setter had to admit: his teammate wasn’t wrong.

“You got that, Sulkyama?!”

“Uh, yeah,” Kageyama breathed out, snapping out of his thoughts with a teasing smile spreading across his face. “Thanks, Shorty.”

Hinata crossed his arms in front of his chest and spoke with a playful sternness, “I don’t want a ‘thank you,’ I want you to admit it is okay for everyone to have bad days.”

With his usual, competitive attitude having returned, Kageyama challenged, “Isn’t my ‘thanks’ good enough for you? No way you’re getting my gratitude and me admitting anything as silly as that.”

“Oh yeah?” Hinata asked with a raised eyebrow, taking a step closer to his friend. “I bet I could make you.”

“Mhm, and how would you manage to do that?”

“I have my ways,” the ginger teased, raising his hands up and wiggling his fingers threateningly towards Kageyama.

The ravenette’s eyes widened, a wobbly smile already finding a place on his flustered face, knowing from experience what Hinata’s go-to cheer up tactic was. Backing away slowly, Kageyama warned, “Don’t you even dare touch me, you human tanger-IHIHIHIHINE! Nohohohoho!”

Before he could even finish, the shorter boy had rushed over and latched his hands onto Kageyama’s sides, wiggling all ten of his fingers into the sensitive flesh. And poor Kageyama had no time to even try and resist the bouts of laughter that started to flow out of him. Curse Hinata’s stupidly fast reflexes!

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that over your helpless laughter,” the ginger teased, moving his hands down to squeeze at Kageyama’s hips. The ravenette’s knees buckled as he slid down to the floor, but nevertheless Hinata’s ever-relentless squeezes followed. “Is there something you wanna admit for me, Sulkyama?”

“NahaHAHAhaha!!” Kageyama writhed underneath Hinata’s hands from his position on the floor, but despite his best efforts, he just couldn’t dislodge his friend’s torturous hands from his hips. “Gehehet your hands OHOHOFFA MEHEHEHE! Thehehere’s nothing to admiHIHIHIT!”

Hinata stopped his squeezes, but kept his hands firmly in place holding Kageyama down as he clicked his tongue in mock disappointment. “Nothing? Huh, that’s weird,” he spoke as his hands slithered down to rest on top of the ravenette’s thighs.

Kageyama’s breath hitched from the subtle contact, eyes widening in a giddy horror. “W-wait, no-”

“Because I could’ve sworn that someone needed to admit something,” Hinata gave a small squeeze to Kageyama’s thighs, watching with a smirk as the taller boy shrieked with a full body jolt. “And y’know what? This would be a perfect time to admit something before someone gets tickle-tickled somewhere that’s a little too tickle-ticklish~”

“Nohohoho!!” Kageyama’s hands grabbed desperately at Hinata’s, trying anything to get them off of him. Just the mere presence of those small torturous squeezers on his thighs was enough to make him giggle uncontrollably. “Nohohot thehehere! Plehehease, anywhere-”

“Anywhere but here?” Hinata teased with a few quick pinches. “Poor, ticklish Tobio. Whatever shall he do?”

“Nahahahaha, stahahahahahap!!”

“You know what I wanna hear, Ticklyama!” Finished with the taunting touches, Hinata grabbed onto the outer sides of Kageyama’s thighs and dug in with all his might, wiggling his fingers deep into the flesh.

“GAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NONONOHOHOHOHO!” Kageyama’s legs began kicking spontaneously, his waist bucking up into the air in a fruitless attempt to lessen the strong tickly sensations traveling throughout his entire lower body. “STAHAHAHAHAP!! PLEHEHEASE, I-IHIHI CAHAHAN’T!”

“Geez, Kageyama! You sure do squirm a lot!” Hinata exclaimed playfully, keeping a firm grip on his friend’s legs. “You know how to make me stop, just stop being so damn stubborn!”

“OKAHAHAY FIHIHINE!!” Kageyama gathered up all of his remaining strength and admitted in a single breath, “EVERYOHONE HAS BAHAHAD DAHAHAYS AND THAHAT’S OKAHAHAY!! NOW STOHOHOP!”

“Hmm, how about you also admit that you have a stupid face?” the ginger teased.

“SHOHOHOHOYO!!”

“Okay, okay, i guess you’ve had enough,” Hinata spoke with a fond smile, taking his hands off of Kageyama’s thighs after a few final pinches. After bouncing back onto his feet, he extended a hand towards his giggly friend and helped him off of the ground. “You feeling better?”

“Yeah, thahahanks,” Kageyama nodded his head as the last of his chuckles and titters slipped out. “Yohou can really be a little shihihit sometimes, you knohow that?”

“Oh please, you know you love it~”

“What?! Take that back, you turd face!”

“NAHAHAHA!! Wahahait, Kageyamahaha, I take it back! I TAHAHAKE IT BAHAHACK!!”

--

a/n: thanks for reading everyone! life update post coming soon :)

[csykora]

Hey, if anyone's wondered what I mean by "playoffs shit I'll boot you for," here's a great example!

This has been one of the harder weeks of my life, so I feel like being this bitch tonight. I want to be clear that I get a lot of these comments, from every possible orientation of fan, probably because I've been here for a distressing fraction of a decade and I'm not obviously aligned to a team. So while...yeah, I am criticizing this one, I'm also criticizing every fan who feels the need to do this.

Do you all hear what you sound like when you say stuff like this?

When you say this stuff on a joke post that uses phrases like "poke in the eyeballs" and pictures of men falling down and rolling around slapping at each other?

A joke which, so far, fans of both teams had seemed to be enjoying and leaning into? (My comment that "everyone agrees this is embarrassing for Stamkos" was meant to express amusement at the positive, seemingly affectionately teasing tags that fans who mostly used the tampa tags and nicknames for him were adding; there were also people teasing Lafreniere.) Starting with the OP, who is supporting Tampa Bay in this series and is specifically a big Steven Stamkos fan?

Steven Stamkos, who, besides being a good leader who has to go to hella league events, is notorious for being a student of the game who watches endless tape to memorize everything, and likely knows everyone in the Rangers' farm system, much less another star player on a hot line who he could expect to be frequently matched against? Lafreniere's age does not matter because that was a joke, but also I'd bet Steven Stamkos knows it, and probably knows shit about him he doesn't know yet.

Also, "defending his team?" Do you all understand how saying stuff like this makes you sound like you didn't even watch the game? Because I did, and he wasn't avenging anything, he was just burning off a little steam in an overall boring scuffle that was sparked by Nikita Kucherov getting annoyed at a Ranger in his space, who then exchanged some stick pokes. That's a perfectly understandable reason for Kuch to start a scuffle, and for Stammer to jump in, but Kuch wasn't hit or harmed in any way and was doing fine with the first guy in after him, so fans jumping to language like this just sounds puffed up, and a little bit (maybe a lot) like you don't know the difference between run-of-the-mill scuffling and something significant

I--who bet on the Bolts winning the series!--also question the dramatic overreach of a phrase like "get their asses handed to them"? I think Tampa will win, sure, but those are big words to use about a team that also played the first two games of this series. It's hardly going to be a decisive series. The series I've been watching has been a pretty tight, contentious series (as a goaltending fan it's been a great series)

Okay. I do feel bad about implying that fans who talk like this don't know the game. I'll stick by that fans who talk like this aren't saying anything interesting about the game.

What are you all trying to say?

Who are you talking to? The person who actually sees these is me. You will not convince me that one team is going to lose--I already thought that--and you certainly won't convince me to stop saying that men rolling around on the ground trying to pop each other's tops off looks silly.

Do you all really want to just spit into the universe that you hate some other bunch athletes and fans? Does that...maybe have something to do with why you'd assume that anyone talking about your team in a different tone is also meant meanly? Is that, I don't know, a fun way to spend time? To reign myself back in, although I'm sure at this point no one who feels addressed by this would think it's sincere, but I promise it is: I'm sure you have more interesting things to say!

Also, Steven Stamkos would think my jokes are funny.

[shinydelirium]

Kiro’s 2021 Childhood Bday  R&S Translation [CN]

***THIS POST CONTAINS CONTENT THAT HAS NOT BEEN RELEASED YET ON EN SERVER!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS***

This is a translation from Kiro’s 2021 childhood birthday story released on CN server. I do not know any Chinese so this was done through Google Translate. I apologize for any errors or mistranslations. Without further ado, please continue on reading!!! :) 

***WARNING: ANGST!!! THIS IS SUPPOSE TO BE A HAPPY DAY FOR KIRO!!! FIRST IT WAS S2 CH12 AND NOW THIS!?!?! WTH, PAPERGAMES!?!?!***

[Chapter 1]: Child Star’s Birthday

7:50 am California

After Kiro ran to the classroom and sat down, he laid his head directly on the table. “You can sleep for another ten minutes.” He whispered to himself in his heart.

He is too sleepy.

Ten hours ago, he finished the last set of filming, returned from the studio to the house the company set up for him in California, and then caught up on all the missing courses and homework. It was already 3 o’clock in the morning.

As if on cue, his stomach growled and Kiro lay helplessly on the table.  

Since his debut, he has become more or less accustomed to the professionalism of being a “star” but at this time his stomach seems to be persistently singing against him. Kiro hesitated for a moment and then opened a pack of soda five minutes later.

Sweetness hits the tip of his tongue and brings a sense of satisfaction to his brain. He finally breathed a sigh of relief, put on his headphones and closed his eyes.  

This is the first time in a while he has taken a break in the past few days.  

Kiro took a deep breath quietly and buried his face deeper into his arms.

But he could still feel the gazes around him looking at him and the innocent discussions. Even the moment he walked into the classroom and sat down, the air was still for half a second.

He doesn’t like this kind of “special treatment” nor does he like how he is always affected by it.

Over the years, he thought that he should be used to being watched constantly, and perhaps he had to bear the pressure from other peers. But sure enough, in fact, there are still many times that he will be a little breathless.  

Like now.  

As a child star, there were two to three days a week that he where he would be absent from school. For Kiro, his classmates are indeed some distance away. Because of his repeated absence, the- so-called disparity was expected.  

The reasons are not so complicated in the eyes of the children. At this age, the feeling of distance is often more sensitive than adults.  

He also wants to try his best to build a good relationship with them. After all, having friends is a very happy thing.  

As if he had finally made up his mind, Kiro took a deep breath, smoothed down messy hair, and raised his smiling face along with his shining blue eyes.

“Good morning, everyone, long time no see!” No one could possibly refuse such a warm and sincere greeting, let alone Kiro.  

Even though some shy classmates nodded their heads and smiled with furtive gazes, the greeting initiated by Kiro still received many responses. Soon, a small circle formed around him. Everyone scrambled to ask which crew he went to during the period of “his absence”, which big star he saw, and what new information he gathered.

Suddenly, a boy with curly hair, leaned in and patted Kiro on the shoulder with great enthusiasm.

“Kiro! Happy birthday!”

As his high voice rang out, the children who got together cheered in unison.  

“They are all embarrassed to come and tell you, so I said it! Happy birthday, future star.”

Kiro was taken aback.

“Thank you.”

Almost a subconscious reply.

But in that small world that only belonged to Kiro, another voice sounded different from what he was doing at this time.

“So, today is my birthday.”

[Chapter 2]: A Heart to Live Up To

“Kiro, great, you haven’t left yet!”  

The lingering sound of the bell was still echoing. Kiro had just cleaned up and wanted to seize the rare free time to make up for a good night’s sleep, when he was suddenly stopped by the instructor who had rushed over. He excitedly grabbed Kiro’s hands, looking very surprised.

“Teacher, are you looking for me?”

“Yeah....” The teacher didn’t seem to know how to begin. Kiro responded sensibly, leading the question back at the end of the dialogue.

“If there is anything I need to do, you can just say it directly.”

After hearing this, the teacher nodded in relief, as if he had waited for a long time and quickly told the whole story.  

Kiro understood what was going on.  

It turned out that there was a very important violin competition for high school students today and the classmate of the classical music department who represented the school had a temporary accident and was unable to participate. He wanted Kiro to help fill in.

“...Okay, I will try my best. Thank you, teacher, for believing in me.”

Even though he was tired, he did not refuse this sudden request.

It’s not that he isn’t interested in the competition, nor is he absolutely confident in his skills, it’s just...

He hopes that he is perfect enough in the eyes of the teacher.

After all, at this critical time, the teacher thought of him and believed in him, and he must not fail this trust.

Thinking about this, Kiro clenched his teeth, swallowed a yawn that was ready to come out, and forced himself to wake up. After the teacher went back to the residence to fetch his violin, he hurried to the scene of the competition.

The site was set up in the observation deck of a building and under the transparent glass plank pathway, it is a panoramic view of the entire city.  

At the time of arrival, many contestants were already busy making preparations. Kiro’s appearance undoubtedly caused quite a stir. The teacher proudly met the gazes and protected Kiro through the crowd to their waiting area.

Kiro quickly entered the waiting area. He opened the violin bag, skillfully tightened the bow, wiped the rosin, set the violin on his shoulder, and tuned the pegs carefully and intently.  

Now that he is here, he must do his best. He cheered himself up and walked in the direction where he was ready to take the stage.

“Don’t worry, he is a little star. Even if he doesn’t do well, he has publicity and won’t make the school lose too badly.”

The voice in the corner made Kiro stop.

He didn’t listen. It seemed that there was another voice arguing with him, but that was not important. Kiro just returned to the waiting area quietly, waiting for the announcement from the competition organizer. He just lowered his head and stood there quietly.

At this time a man came over. He patted Kiro’s shoulder lightly and said mysteriously.

“Kiro, this is the first time we’ve met. I am a teacher in the classical music department.” He lowered his voice, “Actually, I don’t really like the format of music competitions. Music should be something to enjoy and convey emotions, not some sort of boring game. So don’t think of it as a competition, but as a special show. I’m looking forward to hearing the music you play. I heard that you play the violin very well. This is the first time I will hear your music.

After that, he mischievously gave Kiro a big pat on the back. *Took some liberties here with the translation*  

Kiro stared at this somewhat holistic man and did not speak for a long time. A similar and familiar feeling came out of him.  

The broadcast system called Kiro’s name.

“Don’t think about anything, just let the world hear your voice.”

[Chapter 3]: Happy Birthday Song

The competition ended smoothly.

Kiro didn’t remember the process of his performance. He only remembered the way the classical music department teacher exaggeratedly raised his hands to applaud him when he left the competition. His eyes were full of real and undisguised recognition and praise.

At the end of the competition, he politely declined the kindness of the teachers and left alone.  

The California coast is like spring all year round and the fresh air is filled with a faint smell of saltwater. Kiro walked, suddenly a little at a loss.  

For a moment he didn’t know where he should go or where he could go. He just carried his violin bag and walked alone on the streets of California aimlessly.  

Until he passed by a family restaurant.

Such restaurants are very common in California. People choose outdoor dining areas to enjoy their food with nature.

As far as Kiro’s line of sight could see, a family sat around the table warmly. There are grandparents, parents, and even uncles and aunts. And the main star of this family banquet is obviously the little girl sitting in the middle wearing a birthday hat.

She sat happily in the center, closing her eyes in front of a huge cake.  

Everyone’s face was filled with the look of joy as they watched her patiently and earnestly. No one interrupted the most solemn “ceremony” at this time.  

The little girl closed her eyes for a long, long time. Maybe she had a lot of wishes that she wants to come true or maybe she is carefully telling some wish that she wants to come true the most.  

After all, in the eyes of a child, the more important the wish, the more carefully it will be heard and realized.  

Kiro stood there and looked at the little girl’s face quietly. He didn’t know what he was feeling right now. It seemed that something he wanted to show was turning upwards along his heart, as if he would shed tears in the next second.  

He just stood there silently, watching her finally make her wish, blowing out the candles while her family sang “happy birthday.” Grabbing the balloons in her hand, the girl ran around in the open space, spinning her little skirt.  

Then she saw Kiro and ran towards him happily without knowing what she was thinking.

“Prince!” She waved her little hand at Kiro and said loudly. Kiro was stunned. The little girl ran up to him and raised her head, “His Royal Highness, are you here to wish me a happy birthday, too?”

Kiro thought for a while, crouched down and touched the little girl’s head, “Although I am not a prince, I wish you a happy birthday!”

The little girl didn’t seem to understand what he meant. She carefully picked out a yellow one from her balloon stash and gave it to Kiro.  

“Thank you for wishing me happiness, and I wish you happiness too. This is for you.”

The little girl happily ran back to her seat after speaking with him and the whole family nodded politely to him, seeming to express gratitude.  

Kiro looked at the yellow balloon in his hand and walked away slowly.

He was walking on the road, the sun a little dazzling, the balloon floating gently while he hummed quietly.

“Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me~”

At this time, his phone chimed, alerting him to an email.

[Chapter 4]: Special Birthday Gift

It is an email from KEY.

Since he came to the United States, KEY has always liked to use this “fun” way to keep in touch with him in addition to the phone.

Kiro sat on the roadside steps, “If my agent sees me like this, he will definitely be angry.”

Kiro thought about it leisurely but didn’t have any plans to get up.

“Today is my birthday, so I call the shots!” *Took some liberties here*

First, he simply replied to the fan messages wishing him a happy birthday on social media and then concentrated on deciphering KEY’s information. It is a very interesting little program. The code attached to the email can be directly written to change the content of the email.  

Kiro has always been happy with this special design. Under his operation, the information was quickly decoded.

“The place where you stay most often.”

Kiro read it out gently, and there was a pair of combined numbers at the same time.  

He raised his head, as if thinking of something.

The dance studio was deserted at this time.

This was the exclusive training room given to him by the company. Kiro took out the key and walked in gently in the same way as he had been in class.  

This is a special place for him.

The sun in the afternoon was particularly brilliant, flowing into the entire classroom through the floor-to-ceiling windows, which looked clean and sparkling. Kiro stood in front of a small cabinet in the dance studio.

He felt like an ordinary child at this moment, being guided to find the answer in the way he was most interested in. He was a little happy when he thought of this.  

Kiro cautiously opened the cabinet and found a box inside. He took it out, and after opening it, it turned out to be an exquisite violin.

The little violin along with the sunlight filtering down onto the light brown amber, reflected in his eyes, as if it was shining.

At this time, the second email came. It was simple and there was no need for decoding.

“Happy birthday.” He seemed to hear KEY saying this to him.

Kiro couldn’t help thinking, when did KEY hide it here?

As if responding to his question, footsteps came from outside the door. Kiro’s heart beat a little fast, and he suddenly wondered if there would be another gift.

He opened the door in surprise, and an unceremonious man greeted him.

The man didn’t even take off his shoes. The exquisite black leather shoes stepped on the smooth floor, looking particularly dazzling.

Kiro felt his fingertips instantly chill, and he clenched his hands hard to keep his body from shaking.

“I really don’t know why I’m responsible for this kid.” The man gave him a look of disgust, “I won’t talk too much nonsense with you.”

��The higher ups are very dissatisfied with you.” Each word struck Kiro’s heart, “Don’t forget why you want to become a star.”

“In one month’s time,” he threw a document on the ground, “Finish it.”

“I don’t know what you have to look forward to.” The man walked in front of him to the center of the floor. Kiro lowered his head, and there were only footprints left in his field of vision that seemed to have been dyed black with thick ink, step by step, on a clean floor.

It seems that no matter how hard he tried, he can’t wipe off that trace.

“3684.” The man impatiently left his last words, “Don’t be too self-righteous. You really think you are worth something?”

[Chapter 5]: Things You Want To Protect

In the empty dance studio, the operating sound of the air humidifier hummed quietly.

Kiro didn’t know how long he had been standing there until the tingling sensation rushed to his legs and he instinctively moved forward slightly.

The towel and hairband hanging on the side of the cabinet came into view and he strode forward suddenly and threw them to the ground fiercely. ***The towel and hairband mentioned here are what Kiro uses during dance practice to wipe off/absorb sweat***

The world swallowed his outburst silently but indifferently, making him at this moment seem small and lonely.

In the end, he dragged his numb body and walked tiredly to the towel and hairband, as if all his strength had been drained and slowly knelt on the floor.

Just like the day when he first picked them.

Kiro stretched out his hand, slowly picked up the towel and hair band, and carefully hugged them in his arms. They were his only close friends, walking side by side. They were proof of his hard work. But if these proofs can be trampled so easily, then what was all his effort for?”

The edges of the cotton towel and hairbands were slightly deformed due to their repeated use. He swiped hard, remembering that he had almost thrown them away because of being used so many times.

And whenever he was about to throw them in the trash can, the soft texture in his hands was always quietly hot at that moment.

It seemed to be telling him, “Wait a minute. Hold on.”

It’s as if they were reminding him they were made in order to continued to be used.

He once heard others say that life will find a way out.

“Is this the way you worked hard to find?”

He stood foolishly in front of the trash can, looking at the towel and hairbands in his hands, muttering to himself.

Then he would stand there, talking endlessly for a while.  

He thought that music was the way out for his life that was once empty.

It seemed that in the darkness where he still was, a gleaming light suddenly broke in. In that world, he can always shine with golden light and light up his life forever.

He can see himself.

But if he can’t maintain this purity, is he still worthy to live in this world that once taught him to redeem?

No.

Kiro raised his head and looked at himself in the mirror.

That world may be impure, but his dream is real, and his love is real. This was what he wanted to do as Kiro, and it was the only way out.

He is Kiro. Not 3684.

He rubbed the hair band firmly, then raised his hand to tie it on his head and smiled at himself in the mirror with encouragement and humbleness as he did before each practice.

“Today’s 2-hour dance training has not been completed yet.”

A dynamic rhythm sounded in the studio and the sound of footsteps rubbing on the floor resounded one after another. Kiro was practicing hard while telling himself in his heart.  

“This is just another ordinary day, tomorrow will only be better.”

Two hours later, he turned off the music, bent over gasping, and abnormally did not stand up for a long, long time.

Finally, for what seemed like ages, he slowly straightened up, took out the violin from the bag on the floor, and sat by the window. The dark brown violin was lined with soft light under the sun and he held it as if being embraced.

“I will definitely protect you.”

Kiro’s eyes were soft, and his tone was gentle and firm.

The birds outside the window chirped and landed freely on the edge of the window.

“It’s great that you are free.”

Kiro smiled and gently extended his fingertips.  

“I will be free too.”

[Chapter 6]: Free Sailing

A telephone ring broke the silence of the studio.

Kiro looked down at the phone. It was an unfamiliar number. Maybe it was from a fan somewhere, but he picked it up in a ghostly manner.

“Hello, this is PLANET Yacht Club, what can I do for you?”

Kiro was stunned. The person at the other end waited patiently for his silence. After a long time, he remembered that when he was resting on the sidewalk a while ago, he accidentally saw a magazine ad about yachts. He made a phone consultation.

However, because he needed to go to pratice immediately he asked the other party to contact him afterwards.  

Unexpectedly, it happened to be today.

“I have read your information. I have some interest in your yachts. How can I learn more about it?”

“If this is the case, you can visit our terminal directly. On which day would you like to make an appointment?”

“Is today okay?”

When Kiro said it, he was also stunned. He felt his heart beating, but he didn’t know what this feeling represented.

“Of course, we will send the address to your phone later, looking forward to your visit.”

When Kiro saw that yacht, he decided to buy it.

It was lying quietly in the corner of the entire pier, unremarkable, but in the light of the surging tide, it instantly attracted Kiro’s eyes.

Of course, the salesman saw the young boy coming to the club, obviously looking a little bit awkward and seemed to be thinking about how to politely ask him to leave.

“I want that yacht.”

Kiro didn’t leave the yacht’s sight and took out his bank card in the salesman’s dumbfounded gaze.

The boat was moored by a small harbor where there was a little old port. This was the place he saw on the way to the club.

He asked the people of the club to help him get the boat here and said that in a few days, he would come again to ask about how to operate the yacht.

It was dusk now and there were no people, only him and his boat, listening to the ebb and flow together.

The half-round sunset has fallen below the sea level. The sun is golden and far away, warmly embracing the whole world.

The yacht hasn’t been decorated yet and looks a bit simple, but Kiro doesn’t care. He feels that he has seen the future of the ship.

This is his boat, he repeats this in his heart over and over, and in the future, there will be someone who is most special to him in this world who will share it with him.

Think of it as a birthday present for yourself even though there is no cake and no birthday song today.

But this is also good.

Kiro was lying on the small deck, seagulls flying non-stop. The sky was divided into half blue and half-yellow. The boat rose and fell with the tide. He opened his arms as if he could touch the sky.

Kiro suddenly felt that he could go anywhere.

Nothing can stop him.

[End]

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[emmys-grimoire]

Season 2 review

It is done!

I’ll preface this review with the obvious but nevertheless important: these are my opinions. I am fine with others criticizing my opinions, mind you, but I’m usually disinclined to changing them. Like most opinionated people.

And as with most things covered in this blog, spoilers ahead. Don’t read it if you don’t like ‘em.

The Good

I believe the devs did the side characters justice in terms of character development, which is impressive because they have to fixate on seven other characters for most of the story (the demon brothers are the draw, afterall). It’s a little frustrating because it shows they are capable of revealing a lot about a character in just a single conversation, but they spend a great deal of their time on fluff. It is nothing unsurprising given the aim of the game as a whole (romantic fantasy/escapism), but it does detract from… well, everything else. If you don’t care about everything else, this doesn’t matter. If you’re one of the few who do, like me, you’re in for a drought before you get to the next juicy story morsel. Alas, that is the price we pay.

But, this is ‘the Good’ section of the review, so I will focus on that. Diavolo, Luke, Simeon, and Solomon get fleshed out more than they did in the previous season as promised, and their growing closeness to MC doesn’t feel hamfisted; there’s little realistic hooks strewn throughout that makes the relationships grow organically compared to, say, the newt syrup arc.

At the end of the season MC is set to become Solomon’s new apprentice, they are now instrumental in Diavolo’s plan for realm-wide peace instead of just being a particularly charming exchange student, Simeon is more interested in learning more about MC due to MC’s meddling during the retreat and their performance in his play, and Luke finally can bring himself to admit that he actually enjoys being in the Devildom. Michael is being alluded to more and more and finally drops in to say hi, even though the game stops short of explicitly revealing that it is him. It all feels like a good transition into more romantic things with them in the next season, and I look forward to exploring more hidden depths.

I am relieved they steered away from additional time travel due to its potential to confuse everyone and everything. We need to learn what the deal is with Barbatos but I’m sure it can be done without meddling with the time continuum. The introduction of the Reaper has interesting worldbuilding implications: the souls of all beings are overseen by what appears to be an unaligned third party, though prior lore implies that the departed souls still return to their respective realms (Lilith allegedly forgot how to ascend to the Celestial Realm in her desire to watch over her siblings). But, like with Michael, they avoided actually showing him by having him take a vacation right before Solomon and the brothers arrive.

On the whole, I’m happy with the season’s ending. It’s probably as good as it can get, and sets up the next season well -- assuming there is one (I think there will be).

The Bad

It’s hard to frame this because there were never any explicit promises made but wow was the build-up wasted and the climax went down dry.

Diavolo’s wishy-washiness and reluctance to tell Lucifer about how MC’s presence was slowly tearing the Devildom asunder, his growing jealousy and his doubt in the strength of Lucifer’s loyalty, the foreshadowing in Simeon’s play, Barbatos warning Lucifer that one day he may need to choose between Diavolo and MC/his family and how he was reverting back to his angelic self, the very foreboding storm that was brewing outside, how Lucifer was certain “something bad” was about to happen… all that juicy potential rendered impotent because of the Ring of Light and amnesia.

It didn’t lead to a tortured, difficult choice Lucifer had to make that had the potential to put either his relationships or the realms in jeopardy -- and it really felt like it was headed in that direction. But it couldn’t really lead there because Lucifer lost his memories, and he was just re-familiarizing himself with all those relationships. Instead we had to choose whether or not we let Lucifer martyr himself, and of course he’s willing to do that because he loves us even if his memories aren’t fully intact, and it’s heavily implied that he’s his angel-like self again. The choices we made during the play don’t really come into fruition, and the Ring of Light helps make our choice ultimately irrelevant anyway.

It felt like they winded up for the pitch and then lost their nerve.

Though I’d argue that Lucifer would ultimately be okay with sacrificing himself for MC and the realms even if he was still his full-fledged, assholish demon self… but it definitely felt like fate was going to make him choose between his loyalty and his love. You know, the whole “love is the death of duty”/”duty is the death of love” shebang. It would have been more rewarding -- they can even let the Ring of Light ultimately fix everything and I’d be happy if it was that dilemma! But this isn’t Game of Thrones, so I can’t be too disappointed that my expectations weren’t met.

If you like Lucifer and Mammon fluff, this season gives it in spades. If neither of those two are your favorite you might have been bummed out. They give Asmo an arc but he ultimately concludes he was trying too hard to be like Lucifer which left me all ?????? How? Satan tutors you, but he doesn’t really deviate from what he usually does (though his minor tiff with Simeon when he’s physically affectionate with us was amusing). The devs did suggest they want to explore Satan’s origins more thoroughly in the future in one of the newsletters, and I think we’re due for that in the next season. There’s hope for the others yet... just not much in this season.

The Future?

I think there’s a high probability that we’ll get a season 3. Nothing about season 2’s ending felt like they were wrapping things up. The season as a whole felt like a transition.

I think we’ll get more romantic scenes with our “undateables” and they won’t officially be considered “undateables” any more. We’ll probably get more cards with them. I’m not sure if they’ll fully graduate into dance battle sprites because that’ll require more creative color assignments for glow sticks, but I wouldn’t entirely discount the possibility. There are many shades in the rainbow.

I think worldbuilding necessitates more exploration of the Celestial Realm, and an eventual conclusion to the game storyline requires officially mending relations between the angels and demons and healing the wounds incurred by both the wars of the distant past and the Great Celestial War (which was essentially a civil war). Such a thing requires an honest dialogue between the two factions for it to ring sincere, not just a continuation of the exchange program. The game doesn’t hesitate in stating how violent all of it was.

To that end, I think we’re going to at least get a full-fledged Michael eventually, though I understand the reluctance to add him due to the work that will follow in adding another handsome man fans will undoubtedly want to make blush and kiss. They may leave him a disembodied voice for as long as they possibly can, but at some point fans will start complaining at the teasing. It’ll be like continually having to skip a missing step on a ladder.

Until then, though, he’s a missing step that’s fun to conceptualize.

You won’t get routes. The setting is ideal for a harem: all the potential love interests loved each other before MC ever entered the picture, so they will eventually accept having to share them, jealousy be damned. I’m pretty sure they’re all aware of MC’s affection towards each of them already: it’s just a matter of contention of which among them MC prefers the most. If MC wants to pursue only one of the brothers, it is up to them to do just that -- in the confines of the presented story.

Conclusion

There were some good story bits to chew on here and there, but as a whole the writing fell flatter than season 1’s writing, in spite of the predictability in the latter. The general unpredictability of this season has made things more exciting than the conclusion we eventually arrived at; it’s hard to commend it when it just doesn’t lead to something intriguing.

Welp, at least we get time to level up our cards for the next season. I only have three URs so it was pretty rough.

I’ll probably do more analysis and essays in the interim, as I work through hard mode and think more about stuff. It’s been fun, in spite of my critique.

[lastcrystalwitch]

4/15/2021

So the term Earth Angel found me. And I'm not particularly crazy about the term, but the meaning behind it is absolutely spot on with me. Its crazy that I'm finally finding articles and messages everywhere recently since I started working with messenger Gods and Goddesses. I've been receiving a ton of information about self growth. But a friend of mine called me and Earth Angel yesterday. I had to look it up. I'd heard it before, but it wasn't something that I was interested in because I thought it had to deal with Christianity, Jesus, Mary, and the heavenly pure spirit that makes up "God." or the , "Holy Ghost."

But an earth angel isn't someone who is Christian and follows Christianity, but instead someone who is bound to the earth, Gaia, and ancient natural energies that are in all living things. We attune with these natural energies and feel much more them, when they are by themselves in nature. This is where they go for themselves to recharge, and are overly sensitive to what others say and think about them. These individuals are highly critical and can even be very mean to themselves in a way that is not fair, when others judge them, make fun of them, tease them, because earth angels are sincere. I always try to live by the words, say what you mean, and mean what you say.

These people are easily misunderstood because they are not very common in their ways of thinking, and from the very beginning, Earth Angels go through a lot of shit early on to get their heads straight, and suffer through injustice at a dangerous obnoxious level, and can pick up coping mechanisms that are very unhealthy. But, all so that their soul is ready to help others who are suffering. They live through experience of their own suffering and are great at understanding energies and are the first to know when there is a "...disturbance in the Force." They have a severe passion for helping those who they love, and while Earth Angels don't like violence, or people who fight, they have a great respect for people who have had been through difficult situations because they can feel someone's energy completely and absolutely like they are experiencing the pain of others.

Earth Angels have the positive energy to send out love to the world, feels others problems as their own, cares immensely for others happiness, has the ability to accept others exactly the way that they are. When an earth angel sets their sights on you, and takes an interest in you, its because they see someone with a rare light, a rare soul. If and Earth Angel shows you love an affection they bind a part of their heart to you and you will have that bond and love with them for the rest of your lives. Earth Angels don't abandon people, nor do they forget injured souls. They often think of those that they want to help, and be with, and love.

But sometimes Earth Angels will understand when someone needs to change for themselves, and will give that person the room and tools necessary to realize their own priorities. They can encourage people to have what Tarot Readers call a Tower, moment. And ultimately want to be just a support system for you while you're going through some shit, and growing as a human, and learning life lessons. Earth angels can miss people to the point that it becomes an unhealthy level of stress, and need to find distractions so they aren't constantly worrying about the ones that they love.

The hardest lesson I have learned as an Earth Angel is this, "Everyone is growing and learning and changing at different rates. Just because someone hasn't learned a life lesson that you did, doesn't make them any less of a person. And many people take longer than others to learn lessons like, you cannot change a person, setting healthy boundaries, when someone pushes you away, its not your fault usually, they just didn't understand how I think and feel and communicate. Its hardest to realize that the path someone must walk down sometimes has to be done by themselves, and the Earth Angel just wishes that she could be a support for the person struggling with career, finances, feelings of guilt, anger and resentment.

An Earth angel can forgive, but getting back that trust, is like passing a class. You have to get your shit together and prove to them that you are worthy of their love when you misuse and abuse them. They'll never forget you though. In fact, they'll think of you quite often because they know you'll be happier if you love yourself and be a friend to your spirit. Your soul.

The sooner that people realize that being your own friend and being comfortable who you are, and doing good things to set you up for success is like feeding a pet on time every day the same day. You can learn to trust yourself to say and do the right things, and it absolutely is possible to feel happy. Yes it is. I know. I have that wisdom.

In DND, (Dungeons and Dragons) a tabletop game that is as unique as a fingerprint with those who play ... Knowledge is different than Wisdom. So, ask yourself, what is the difference?

Well, knowledge is information passed down from one person or animal or thing, to another. Basically it is, "He told me that the oven is hot. I trust him to tell me the truth, so I'm going to take his word for it and not touch the oven."

Wisdom is knowing for yourself, that the oven is hot. You touched it, you got burned, therefore you have that wisdom. You know. Not just because you were told, but because you experienced it yourself.

The crazy thing is about Wisdom and Knowledge is, it is just another level of personal experience. People experience things differently. That's why I find it so incredibly interesting to learn other peoples truths, and find out their stories, what they had been through, and how can I make this person happy.

Recently I went through something that scarred me very deeply. I am needing to withdrawal a little bit into myself, and just really give myself a hug because I have been through a lot, and I need to tell myself that everything is going to be ok. My heart spirit was injured, and this has caused me to feel hopeless at first, then sad and depressed, then just crying for others, to the point that people started really worrying if I would be okay. I had friends coming into check in on me, and ended up surviving.

But If I can't help someone, and they must go on their own journey for a while to get their goals, and priorities onto a healthy level, I realize that I can't be with them for this journey, as much as I really really really want to be there for them. But I think of them everyday, and I think about the good things, and how they made my soul happy just being around them. I felt recharged. And they made me grow as well, and question things that I never really had the initial knowledge to understand in the first place.

Tower moments are times in our lives when our personalities, or ways of thinking have to shift in order for us to grow. These life lessons that we as humans have to walk through, are ones that Earth Angels take pride in holding your hand and letting you know that they will always love you, care for you, and do their best to make sure that you know they won't leave you, and you are not alone. An earth angel can suffer and worry about a person more than that person is worried, and the most important qualities to a friendship to an earth angel are honesty, communication, and of course love. They are good at showing others Pure Love, what it is, and how to love yourself.

The love that they show, are understanding, accepting someone exactly the way they are, bringing happiness and joy to others around them. We get bullied because people don't understand that we are helping for the sake of helping.

Altruistic. "/ˌaltro͞oˈistik/ adjective showing a disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others; unselfish. "it was an entirely altruistic act" (borrowed from google dictionary)

Pacifism. pac·i·fism /ˈpasəˌfizəm/ noun the belief that any violence, including war, is unjustifiable under any circumstances, and that all disputes should be settled by peaceful means. "there remains a powerful undercurrent of pacifism" (borrowed from google dictionary)

That we really do feel good when we can make someone smile, or laugh. I myself am not very funny, and enjoy humor that is pure in form. I never liked trickery, or injuring someone's character to take personal pleasure in making someone suffer or feel better to make me feel better. That's not how it works with me. That isn't nice. Sincerity and doing what you say, and being honest with yourself and true to your heart are all qualities that we as Earth Angels like because it is just easier for our soul to be happy. Earth Angels are light workers, and ... "If you had a super power, it would be love." They use light energy to change the world and bring happiness and understanding to those around them. They experience pain and suffering on a larger scale than those around them because they wear their heart on their sleeve, and are easily hurt by those who ever try to hurt an earth angel. Earth Angels can see transformation happening to others, who cant see it, and usually choose to only share their highly intuitive thoughts with those who are very close to them.

Earth Angels can be very artistic. They have a natural ability to work with the arts and spread love and light through their art and their musical ability. Earth angels want everyone to understand each other, and want everyone to be happy. It is possible to have everyone on the same page. It is possible to have everyone be happy, using something called communication.

Opening up your heart when it has been hurt before and scarred is so hard for some people. But earth angels accept this pain and understand it because they bleed for their family and friends in a way that is hard to describe. They are so sensitive to those around them and how they feel.

All I am saying, is that I am 32 now, or 33. I think I'm 32. It changes every year, so I'm not too worried about it. hahaha

Earth angels can see layers of someone's soul by looking and speaking with them. They can tell the sadness and hurt inside someone, and instantly want to make them better. Earth angels are happiest when others are feeling happy, because they feed off of that happy, calm, content energy. And when an Earth angel is kept away from being able to recharge in an environment that is calm happy and content, like a forest or park, that person is more likely to feel overwhelmed, trapped, and stressed out.

Earth Angels shouldn't be confused with Christianity. Most Earth Angels are more prone to believe strongly in energies, what you send out comes back, kahrma, dahrma, and different planes of existence. Earth angels are better at making people feel better, because they truly feel real сочувствие, (seh*choos't*tiah) which translates sort of to empathy, and take great pride in being honest, truthful, and a good friend to others.

Earth angels from my own personal experience, are people who suffer for others, and are a good player two. They seek approval from other people quite often. Not because they can't think for themselves, but because they just want everyone to get along. These people are chameleons and can adapt to other peoples waves of energies and attitudes, in order to better understand someone. They are not trying to be unique and original, they already check those boxes. They just try to understand, provide aid, friendship and good mental health and love to those who are hurting. Earth angels are good to talk to if you need someone to listen to. They'll think about you all the time, and do little things for you to remind you that they care, and they hope you are happy. Earth angels use PURE UNBIASED LOVE AND AFFECTION to express themselves, and are very stern that you shouldn't use people.

Earth Angels kind of keep to themselves. Taking on other people's problems like their own can be very draining, and if you have the attention of an earth angel, they will cry over you, and look into how to help you (on multiple planes tbh) if you ever are suffering uncontrollably or super upset that its affecting your BA. (spirit soul energy) If you have the love from an Earth Angel, they will always love you no matter what, no matter how much you hurt them. They are understanding and extremely sensitive to many things. When Earth angels are injured in their BA, from someone hurting them intentionally, it is the worst thing that you can do to this person because it leaves a very deep deep scar. But they'll always love you, and they'll always listen to you and be there for you if you reach out to them.

Earth angels are said to be put on this earth to help others understand their soul's connection with the world around them and often remind and show others that there can be a very strong natural and grounding, warm hug energy from the earth, being outside, and the natural energies of the world around them. They are open to the world's energies and often seek out questions on a spiritual level, not to be confused with a religious level, as there is a very big difference between using tools to help you vs. adopting someone else's way of thinking. They like to think for themselves, but learn all they can from others. And they can be naturally good at learning other languages because they've made it their goal to understand and help others ... through understanding itself. One great way to learn about other peoples understanding is through Communication, Understanding, Listening, and learning healthy grounding ways to connect someone's BA, to their environment.

Earth angels are artistically talented but do best in careers where they can work closely with people in order to make them feel better, where they can have one on one connections with people. Earth angels are rare, and usually were people who put up with an unusual amount of pain growing up, and bullied, and who have suffered a lot, and just don't understand or like it when people are mean to others.

They're not perfect. Their not in human. They still have all the problems as someone else, but they know the more that you can understand what it is that is bothering you, the more Wisdom you gain, and the happier and more grounded you can be. Imagine being content and happy with yourself on a very very deep level. <3

I hope you have a good day. I love you, and hope today you do something to remind you to love yourself. I hope you smile today, and really feel it. *hugs*

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, I have enough similar asks from yesterday about this that I’m addressing it all in one go, because like, I have a good thing going at the moment and I’d rather get back to that, tbh.

But to sum up:

Please just find my posts from the last couple days and read and focus on the parts where I go into how writing is all just a form of communicating ideas, and fiction is no different. That’s like....ultimately what it all boils down to, because as I’ve said repeatedly, there is NOTHING wrong with exploring dark topics through fiction. I’ve never said, nor do I believe, that rape and abuse should be hands off topics, that nobody should ever write about incest, etc.

My issues with dark fic are in terms of the HOW and the WHY for exploring these topics.

In essence, its not the topics themselves, its three specific MESSAGES conveyed or imparted via a lot of fics, with these MESSAGES or IDEAS being central to the fic and its reason for being. Being central to the conclusion its leading readers to or leaving readers with. Its these MESSAGES I don’t think have any business being more important in a lot of readers’ and writers’ eyes than how these messages - and the FREQUENCY in which they’re imparted - impact people who have firsthand experience with people imparting these EXACT SAME MESSAGES IN REAL LIFE....whether an individual reader or writer would ‘condone’ or not that same message in real life.

And those messages are?

1) Rape is hot

2) Incest is good, actually

3) Adults and kids can fuck, its fine

Like....that’s it. That’s what it ALL comes down to basically. In terms of dark fic, I can read it just fine, I can see imagery on TV that reminds me of my own traumas just fine, I do not care what anyone else does with dark fic up and until the point where they start communicating one or all of these THREE specific ideas.....

And expect or feel that those messages should just be passively accepted and never pushed back against by anyone for any reason....ESPECIALLY if the fics in which they communicate these messages include NOTHING to refute or contest them whatsoever.

If someone thinks I’m Puritanical or thought policing for objecting to THESE THREE SPECIFIC THINGS, like. Good for you. Whatever. Yawn times a million.

If someone thinks I am decrying all dark fiction or the exploration of any traumatic topic for any reason whatsoever, like. Up your reading comprehension game, and blame your own imagination for failing you if you can’t find any messages or ideas to convey about those topics other than THOSE THREE SPECIFIC ONES.

Its really THAT simple, and it always has been.

If you impart these messages, if you absorb them without complaint or criticism, whether you believe them or not means NOTHING to people who are supposed to look at that AS IS, and say:

“Okay, so basically what I’m seeing here is you agreeing with and validating the people who abused, raped and victimized me, and this is just like...fine. This is normal. There’s no big deal here, move along, nothing to see. Okay cool. Just FYI, a simpler way you could phrase this would be: LOL Fuck You, Dude.”

And if you stop at this point to think “well sounds like you’re taking it too personally”....

That IS the point.

IT. IS. PERSONAL. 

And for some of us, it always WILL be. Its defined too much of our lives, like it or not. Its played too central a role in shaping us into who we are today, even if we hate acknowledging that it at any point had that power.

AND YOU NOR ANYONE ELSE GETS TO DECIDE WHETHER WE’RE TAKING IT ‘TOO PERSONALLY’ OR NOT.

You don’t. Its that fucking simple. That. Is. Not. Up. To. You.

For some of us, it IS that personal, it always WILL be that personal, it GETS to be that personal, and nothing you do or say will ever change that reality....

Because its not YOUR reality. Its ours, for better or worse. Whether you’re a survivor yourself, if you don’t have an issue with these messages for whatever reason, like, great. I’m glad they don’t impact you the same way, but that doesn’t change the way they impact me and others like me, and you don’t get to deny THAT....or act like us speaking THAT into the world, into your fandom community, is more problematic in your eyes than what YOU put out there first, to garner those reactions from us.

So no. You are not everything you put out into the world. You are not automatically everything you write, nor are you yourself or your own personal opinions layered into it automatically.

But the things you say, impart, communicate.....and just put out there for anyone to see, all while saying this message is meant to be ENJOYED....and leaving nothing behind in your message, your narrative, your FOCUS to say, FYI, also, this ISN’T the central idea or belief I want people to walk away from my work thinking....

That is a choice. That is an action. That is a decision you had to make in stages and then ACT each stage out to get to that point.

And we ARE, in part, defined by our actions.

And THAT is what I believe people should think long and hard about whether they’re okay with it being an action that might in part define them in peoples’ eyes:

BECAUSE ITS GOING TO HAPPEN.

Because YOU put the message out there, and then for all intents and purposes STOOD BY IT, even when people stood up to object to it in numerous ways and for numerous reasons.

So if you’re going to stand by those THREE specific messages, if you’re comfortable with them being things you put out into the world, regularly speak into existence with no takebacks, and dig your feet in and say there is nothing wrong with any of this, no matter who hears it and takes it at face value....

Because these people KNOW from personal firsthand experience that there are plenty of people in this world who DO genuinely believe these messages/ideas and take them at face value....

And you are giving us literally NO REASON to believe or assume that you’re not actually one of those people, despite the fact that you’re committing to saying this and letting it exist as is, without contest.....

Then just. Fucking own that, at least.

Or at least examine just for yourself why that apparently is still too much to expect of you.

And with that, I’m done. Obviously its not like I’m never going to speak on this topic again, but that’s the last essay I want to write on it for now. Putting this out there, if any of the people who have sent me anons in full sincerity these past couple days want to follow up on things they said or I said or clarify or question my stances further, I am open to that, but you’re going to have to do it via DM or chat, face to face as it were, because quite frankly, I’m tired of saying the same damn things over and over with absolutely no idea to what degree any of you are listening.

*Shrugs*

Now back to fandom inanity.

[patricia-von-arundel]

If anyone wants it, AO3 link for the story I put up last night. I’ve also gone through and edited out (I hope) all of those blasted typos. I shouldn’t type up stories in the middle of the night. 

But okay! I promised to do better about responding to comments. So let’s go:

snoffles

said: Oh man, yes! Good stuff. I think the style works very well - really keeps it brisk and engrossing. I tore through this thing. I’m on the fence about the age issue - at first, I was thinking I’d prefer if you kept it set when they’re younger so it matches up with when Edelgard was experimented on. Then that final scene happened and…yeah. Whatever you decide, I’m good with it. I just want more! Thanks for this and all your other beautiful writing. :)

Thank you! I’m still debating on the age thing, too. I realized I needed to avoid the influence of those back in Enbarr/TWSITD after the experimentation, but wasn’t sure what to do with her. What I think I’ll do for now is leave it as-is, and potentially, as the plot develops, see if I can go back and rework the beginning... somehow. I do need her and Byleth to get their butts to Garreg Mach. I’m really glad the final scene worked, because I was super excited to write it! Thank you for reading!

insectoid5 reblogged this from patricia-von-arundel and added:

This is excellent, Em!! I think you managed to write Edelgard in this way quite well. 😁Oh, El, you and your aim...

I will get snark in about El’s aim however I can. Every time. 

ishtar0110 said: Holy moly!!! YESSS!!!!! 💜🧡💖💞💓🧡💜

I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thank you! :D

lysissisyl said: So, I think Edelgard is perfectly recognizable here. It’s just not the exact same Edelgard we all know, because she can’t be. She shouldn’t be, because her life wasn’t the same. The Edelgard at the end of CF and the Edelgard at the end of SS are very different people for very obvious reasons. Here it’s the same and I’m an even more critical moment of her life. This Edelgard got a chance to heal when her wounds were still fresh. That really reminds me of Marvel’s “what ifs”!!! As for Edelgard’s darkness surfacing at times, I think it is perfectly understandable here, even for someone who doesn’t know her well. She has been saved, she has known love, but sometimes the horror just comes back and she can’t help it. It’s a possible way to handle trauma while still healing, and not an uncommon one. I’m still a bit shaken, so I hope my words make sense somehow. I think this already tells you you made a very good job. 😅 Still, you asked for some feedback, so here it is. I tried to keep it brief, but I miserably failed. My sincere apologies.

lysissisyl said: And she still has a hard time dealing with her own feelings. She can’t name what she’s starting to feel for Byleth and she calls it envy, probably because it’s less scary. All this just to answer to your doubts and say that she IS recognizable and she IS in character. I’m not even starting on anything else XD Sorry again This Edelgard is still able to hope, she hopes for her father to saver her, even just for a moment. She sees someone who is not an Agarthan and can still trust them. This is something the Edelgard we know has lost. At the same time, she doesn’t want Byleth to hold her down, she can stay still despite the pain when Jeralt cleans her wounds. She doesn’t scream. This is so Edelgard.

Good! Excellent! Thank you! That’s exactly what I was most worried about - missing the mark on El’s characterization. She’s so internally focused... and so reluctant to speak up about her own goals/struggles. Going forward, I’m hoping that problem will solve itself, but I’m glad she wasn’t completely OOC here. Balancing trauma with living daily life in a believable way is tough at the best of times. Especially with a character like El who is never going to lash out or allow herself to express her own pain and fear and anger. She isn’t going to be like Dimitri, who through his behavior can be read quite readily. El is a mask, Flame Emperor or not. 

The part where her wounds were cleaned - yeah. That one I hoped would give that impression. This is Edelgard. She will not scream. She’s so dang-blasted stubborn she will not scream. There’s a piece of the same Edelgard we see at the start of the game. 

This is wonderful feedback, and I appreciate it very much! Long responses are the very best, I promise. (And I hope I got your responses in the correct order. Tumblr is Tumblr.) 

kalinary said: Woot, didn’t have time to read this last night when I was half dead but was definetly looking forward to reading it today which I did :). Hmmmm so now feedback and constructive feedback. The kind I’m worst at :P. All in all I think the story was great, excited to read more of it. See where the story ends up going and the characters growth and changes. I wonder who the third house leader is. Could be Hubert would think he would also recognize El. Hubert raises an interesting question though. How does he change without El returning and how does he react to her miraculous return. Then you have the other characters reactions as well. Does El keep her identity a secret? With her changed hair and depending on timing would there be many who would recognize her? Does she accept her identity at garreg Mach at the start?  Or do the others end up oblivious and she gets to approach and get to know them simply as El and not the emperor for once. Many questions and I very much look forward to hearing the answers but I think I’ll end my mini rant here for now

I’m terrible at constructive feedback, too. It’s hard. I envy those who can do it well. 

As for the third house leader... bad news. I said next chapter? It’s, uh... actually going to be the one after. You’re getting more mysteries in the next chapter. We’ll definitely be seeing Hubert, though, in some capacity. Could be a house leader. Could be in another role. We shall see, we shall see... but he’ll definitely show up. 

As for El’s identity, I guess that’s not a huge spoiler to say that yes, she will be keeping her identity a secret (at least at the start). But of course, secrets like that are never kept for long, especially in a school. Where is there more gossip than in a school? And, of course, Rhea’s around, and Rhea isn’t fond of those who keep secrets from her... and Edelgard isn’t too fond of Rhea. (There’s some stuff with those two I cannot wait to write. Things go very differently than in 3H, though. Very, very differently.) 

Let’s put it this way: including Byleth and Jeralt, there will be five people initially who know El’s identity. And they’re probably pretty easy to guess. 

Appreciate the feedback!

Did I get everyone? If I didn’t, poke me, and my apologies. I know I missed some tag responses - if any of them need to be addressed, again, gimme a poke. 

Oh, and the story has a title now! A World on Its Side, derived from the song “Ring Them Bells” (Bob Dylan). Full lyrics beneath the cut:

Ring them bells, ye heathen From the city that dreams Ring them bells from the sanctuaries ’Cross the valleys and streams For they’re deep and they’re wide And the world’s on its side And time is running backwards And so is the bride Ring them bells St. Peter Where the four winds blow Ring them bells with an iron hand So the people will know Oh it’s rush hour now On the wheel and the plow And the sun is going down Upon the sacred cow Ring them bells Sweet Martha For the poor man’s son Ring them bells so the world will know That God is one Oh the shepherd is asleep Where the willows weep And the mountains are filled With lost sheep Ring them bells for the blind and the deaf Ring them bells for all of us who are left Ring them bells for the chosen few Who will judge the many when the game is through Ring them bells, for the time that flies For the child that cries When innocence dies Ring them bells St. Catherine From the top of the room Ring them from the fortress For the lilies that bloom Oh the lines are long And the fighting is strong And they’re breaking down the distance Between right and wrong

[selfindulgentpoorlywritten]

There’s This Girl... (Sidney Crosby Imagine)

The first imagine I’ve ever finished. Hope you enjoy :)

Rating: G

Pairing: Sidney Crosby / Reader

Words: 3319

Warnings: smoking, something that could possibly be construed as minor stalking

Requested: yes / no

Summary: Sid is acting weird, and you’re determined to figure out why.

    “Move over,” a familiar voice orders from your right. You don’t even have to look up to know it’s Sid, because he has a habit of following you out of the arena when you get off shift after a game. You look anyway, because though he follows you, he doesn’t usually sit down. Usually, he stays standing upwind, while you sit on the wheel stop in the mostly-empty parking lot and smoke your post-work cigarette. That’s how it’s been for the past year or so since he first followed you through the arena and outside, where you’d called him out for being creepy before he even knew you knew he was there.

    He gives you a look and you scooch over, making room for him on the cement block, which he promptly takes. Something must be wrong, because not only is he sitting, he’s sitting downwind, and he hasn’t started talking or asking questions yet. That’s all this really was- sometimes he would vent to you, or he would ask you questions about yourself. It only kind of counted as friendship, more like friendly acquaintances than real friends. But you’re pretty much incapable not trying to help people, so you exhale, prepared to ask what’s up.

    “Can I have one?” he asks, right at the tail end of your exhale, which you choke on just a bit. The look you shoot him is so incredulous you can feel it. He’s never asked for one, not even a drag of yours, and he’s more likely to remind you that smoking is bad for you than anything else. You can tell by the slight change in his expression that he’s trying to appear confident and sure, but is embarrassed by your reaction and probably not very sure at all. The thought briefly surfaces that you shouldn’t be able to read him this well, but it’s not important right now, so you ignore it. Ignore it in favor of the thought that something must be very, very wrong.

    “You can have one,” you say, pausing just enough that he looks vaguely pleased, “If you tell me what’s wrong first.” His face falls from vaguely pleased to vaguely annoyed in a fraction of a second. But you know that smoking on an impulse is almost always just a way to escape something upsetting, so maybe if you get him to talk about it, he’ll change his mind about the cigarette.

    “It’s nothing,” he says, very deliberately not-pouting as he crosses his arms. It’s defensive posture, especially from him, and it reminds you of when you first met. When he followed you all the way through and out of PPG Paints on a whim, apparently because he was leaving late and saw you saying goodnight to your co-workers. It only took you a flight of stairs to realize he was there, if not who he was, but you’d been curious as to how far he’d follow you. So you’d just kept saying goodbye to those who were left as you passed them, acutely aware of his presence behind you. Honestly, your intention was to lead him outside and confront him, set him straight like others who had followed you in the past (with less savory intentions). But when you made a smart comment upon exiting the building and found out it was Sidney Fucking Crosby trailing you, well. Confrontation wasn’t worth your job.

    Luckily he ended up being a cool dude, who was just fascinated that you seemed to know everyone you passed- and they seemed to know you- and he wanted to see how far that extended. Most everyone who stays as late as you has been here at least as long as you, so you’d had two years to get to know them at the time. Of course you were going to say goodbye. After that, he’d taken to following you out with increasing frequency, hanging around to talk while you smoked and usually a while after.

    “Doesn’t sound like nothing,” you reply, because it doesn’t. Maybe he had spoken and acted more or less like this in the beginning, but he hadn’t been this difficult or defensive in months. They won tonight, but he could still be upset about his playing, because he’s overly critical like that. But if it was a hockey thing, he’d just tell you. He’d never held back on that topic before, and you can’t imagine he would now. Which means it’s something personal, which you’re really not trying to deal with, but will because he’s your kind-of-friend.

    “It’s not a big deal,” he insists, continuing, “The chirping just hit a sore spot today.” Sid had been chirped for just about everything ever, over the years, so you can’t imagine what was said that could upset him. Let alone upset him this much.

    “What was it?” you ask, tacking on, “If you don’t mind me asking.” Because you’re polite. He takes a deep, harsh breath and sighs it out between his teeth. By the look on his face, he’s thinking of what was said, and reliving that distress.

    “There’s this girl,” he says, like every word he gets out is pulling a tooth, “That I like. And they were saying how I wasn’t good enough for her.” Which is kind of ridiculous, because, as previously stated, he’s Sidney fucking Crosby.

    “And I know they were just joking,” he continues, posture getting less rigid the more he speaks, “But they were right, and it just got to me.” His body kind of slumps once he’s finished, arms falling to his lap and spine curving like he’s trying to curl in on himself. The resignation coming off of him in waves is enough to tell you that reassuring him of his worth is not a conversation you’re going to win right now.

    “So your solution was to take up smoking?” you ask, tone perfect to convey how ridiculous that is. His cheeks go red and you’re trying not to think about it, because he’s trying to come up with an explanation and you’d like to hear it. Also, you try not to think about things like his blush in general, because you’re hoping that if you staunchly refuse to acknowledge your crush on him, it will go away. It hasn’t worked so far, but it doesn’t hurt to try. It does hurt to hear him talk about his own crush though- probably on one of his model friends- but you’re just gonna push that down to deal with later. Or never.

    “You said it helps with your anxiety,” he says, which is true, “So I thought maybe…” He trails off and you kind of understand his train of thought. If smoking helps with anxiety, maybe it helps with all negative emotions. Not quite right.

    “Picking up an addiction’s not gonna help you here, bud,” you reply, stubbing out your cig, “Especially one that’s gonna affect your playing.” You put the butt in an old empty pack, close it, and put it in your jacket pocket. You don’t get up, though, because this conversation’s definitely not over. The situation is odd though, because you’ve at least met most of the team, and you can’t imagine them intentionally saying something to upset a teammate. Besides the obvious issue of a distressed teammate not playing as well, they all seem like pretty decent guys who just wouldn’t do something like that.

    “I played like shit tonight anyway,” he grumbles, “Did you see my stickhandling?” Which, okay, so you wouldn’t say he played like shit, necessarily, but. It definitely wasn’t his best performance. But that’s not really the point, because you know all the tricks in the book for deflecting and redirecting, and this is definitely that. Not even a great attempt at a redirect either, so he must really be upset about this chick.

    “Nice try changing the topic,” you respond, “But you’re not getting out of this one.” Sid looks a tad sheepish at being caught, and doesn’t elaborate, but doesn’t make a move to leave either. It’s like he wants to talk about it, but something is stopping him. Embarrassment, maybe? He’s probably not used to not being “good enough” for someone, so maybe he’s just uncomfortable with the experience. Whatever’s going on in his head, he’s not offering to share, so you’re gonna have to lead him.

You could probably go home now and avoid it, if you wanted. Just tell him you had to get going; you know he wouldn’t object. But you’ve got a too-big heart and he’s your kind-of-friend, so you just brace yourself to listen to your crush talk about their crush. It won’t be the first time.

“What did they say that got to you?” you ask, pulling out another cigarette. This conversation definitely warrants chain smoking, as far as you’re concerned. Sid lets out another sigh, wiping his hands down his face.

“Just-” he pauses, takes a deep breath, continues, “Just that she’s so nice, and helpful, and can make friends with anyone. And she’s beautiful, and smart, and competent, and a million other amazing things.” Even though that’s an exaggeration, you can see where Mystery Girl being a genuinely good person would make a normal person feel inadequate, but Sid’s not a normal person, he’s Sidney fucki-- you get the point.

“Okay, so?” you say, and he looks a bit baffled at your response already, “You’re nice, and helpful, and friendly, and beautiful, and smart, and competent, and a million other things too. Why is she any better than you?” You’re being maybe a bit too honest, because you mean all of those things sincerely. He’ll probably take it as flattery from a sort-of-friend, though, like he always does. He always gives you this look when you compliment him, like it means something more coming from you, or he cares about your opinion, or something. He’s giving it to you now, but looks away into the middle distance before you can start making it deeper than it is. Even when you think the world of him because you’re maybe in love with him, just a little bit, he never sees it as anything other than friendship. It’s whatever. You’ve been rejected before. It’s fine.

“It’s just, they said…” he takes a long pause, looks away from you, buries his face in his hands, “They said she’s independent. That she doesn’t need me.” Okay, you know he doesn’t mean independent negatively, because he loves an independent woman, but. But you can understand that most people want people to need them. You don’t necessarily agree, probably because you’ve never needed anyone, but you understand.

“I mean,” you prepare yourself for the rant you’re about to go on, reminding yourself that it’s for Sid, so it’s worth it, “Isn’t that better, though?” Sid looks understandably confused, but you soldier on.

“If someone needs you, of course they’re going to be with you and stay with you,” you explain, not really wanting to bare such a fundamental worldview, but willing to for his benefit, “They don’t think they have a choice: they need you. But if someone doesn’t need you and still wants to be with you… that’s a decision. And it means that every second, they have the option to leave you. But they don’t.” Your cig is burning out, but Sid looks like he’s starting to get it, so you ignore it.

“I’d much rather take someone who sees every part of me and still makes that choice, every second, to be with me,” you say, “Than someone who stays because they think they can’t live without me.” You don’t talk about how you’ve never needed anyone, or how you felt broken for years because of it, or how long it took you to come to terms with the way you love. Love as a decision, not a necessity. How you allow people in your life because you want them there, not because you need them. How you choose every moment to keep Sid around.

“I never really thought of it that way,” he says quietly, looking down at his hands now that he’s taken them away from his face. You give him time to think, re-lighting your cigarette and taking a long drag. You hold it until your lungs burn, then hold it a moment longer. It’s not the first time you’ve had to talk a crush into going after their own crush, but it’s still not a fun time.

“Well, now you have,” you say around the tail end of your exhale, forming the words with dancing trails of smoke, “So go for it. If you want her that badly, why waste an opportunity, y’know?” By this point, you just really want this conversation to be over. He can go get with whatever runway model friend of his that he’s clearly head over heels for, and you can go home and drink ‘til you pass out. It’s a win-win, really.

Except he’s not leaving, and you don’t want to leave until you know he’s okay, so you’re both just sitting there silently on a slab of cement in an empty parking lot as you blow smoke as far away from him as you can. This isn’t even close to the worst experience of your life, but it sure feels like it right now, in the moment.

“So you think…” he trails off for a solid 30 seconds before finishing the thought, “You think I should just go for it?”

“Yeah, man,” you reply, grinding the cherry into the blacktop with probably more force than necessary before putting the butt into the same empty pack, “As long as you’re not an asshole about it, she won’t mind you shooting your shot, even if she’s not interested.” You put the old pack back in your pocket with the new one and your lighter. Like 99% of the time, any decent person isn’t gonna begrudge someone making a move on them as long as they’re not creepy about it. And you can’t imagine Sid being creepy or douchey about, like, anything. Except hating Giroux, maybe.

“What do I say, though?” he asks, his tone a bit weird, “To make her understand?” You’re not exactly the most romantic person out there, but it’s not exactly difficult. Like. Just stick to the basics.

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “Just tell her how you feel, I guess. Make your intentions clear.” He’s giving you this weird look, so you turn your head back to center so you don’t get distracted trying to figure out what he’s thinking. You can’t help but fiddle with your hands a bit, not quite rid of that old nervous habit.

“Hey, Y/N,” his voice is gentle, edged with something... sentimental? Maybe? “Look at me.” You obey despite yourself, turning back toward him, forcing yourself not to read into his expression, or the situation, or the full-on butterfly rave taking place in your stomach from the way he’s looking at you.

“I know I’ve only known you for a little while,” he says, reaches out to stop your fidgeting hands by taking one in his own, “But I think you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” You- okay- this is- what?

“The guys were chirping me about liking you,” he carries on steadily, like he’s not redefining everything you know about the world, “Because you’re so far out of my league.” Which is fucking ridiculous, because he’s Sidney fucking--

“Because it doesn’t matter that I’m a professional athlete when you’re you,” he’s just trucking on through, and you know you’re doing a pretty good impression of one of those novelty singing bass decorations right now, but he doesn’t seem to mind, “Because you’re the type of person who stays half an hour after your shift just to listen to some old man whine about his crush.” Yeah, his crush that’s apparently on you, of all people. You’re not-- you’re not even close to Sid’s type. You’re too.. Not-model-y. You’re not someone you’d ever see on a runway, or in a magazine, or up in the family-and-friends box at a goddamn NHL game. You don’t fit the profile, and for a moment you’re afraid that he might want you to change so that you are, but then you remember it’s Sid you’re talking about, and that fear seems ridiculous. Then again, this whole scenario feels ridiculous.

“I’ve been fascinated with you since that first night, when I saw you address everybody by name, and ask about their families and lives, and remember the details even though you insist you have no memory,” you do, and it’s true, you don’t remember shit, ever. Except your co-workers’ lives and likes and dislikes and okay, maybe you have a good memory when it comes to things you care about.

“I’ve been keeping myself from asking you out for a long time,” he confesses, “And now I have no idea why I was so scared. Because at the end of the day, you’re still Y/N, and you’re still my friend.” The if nothing else goes unsaid, but you know him well enough to hear it in your head anyway. You shouldn’t know him well enough to know that. It’s only been a year, like three months of which he wasn’t even here for. He was in Nova Scotia, with his family, who he might have sent you pictures of, because you might have maybe exchanged numbers a while back, and maybe you’ve been missing all the signals that mattered.

“Holy shit,” you say, finally finding your voice, “You’ve been flirting with me.” It’s not even a question, because as much as you’d bullshitted yourself for months, there’s no other explanation for some of his behavior. Oh fuck, you’re oblivious.

“Yeah,” he laughs, “Apparently I’m not good at it, though.” You’re both so goddamn stupid. You’ve been flirting with each other for a year, and neither of you noticed. All because you both thought the other was too good for you. What kind of romcom nonsense…

“We’ve been dancing around each other for a goddamn year,” you say, still astonished at both the fact that Sidney fucking Crosby likes you, and that you’re apparently both Moron4Moron with how blind you’ve been. He opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something in response, but you just squeeze the hand he’s entwined with yours and bring your free hand to his cheek.

“Sid,” you cut him off, dead serious, “Ask me.” His eyes are so dark in the dim light of the parking lot. You feel like if you look into them while he asks, you’ll fall down a rabbit hole you may never find your way out of. You’re not opposed to the idea.

“Y/N,” there’s a long pause, during which neither of you dare to breathe until he finishes the thought, “Do you want to grab dinner some time?” There’s a beat, and you both break out into peals of laughter, his honking mixing with your snorting to make possibly the ugliest and most beautiful laughter ever created. The two of you end up leaning against each other, random points of contact wherever you’d happened to land. You’d pinch yourself to make sure this isn’t an elaborate dream, but your knee is still throbbing and your head aches where it had smacked into Sid’s, so you don’t need to check. Even if it was a dream, you’d gladly stay in it as long as your brain let you. You have to pull your head back a bit to look him in the eye, eagerly jumping into the wonderland that is loving Sidney Crosby.

“The guys always call you my girlfriend,” he says, “Guess they’ll have a reason now.” A wide, crooked smile overtakes his face, and you finally, finally allow yourself to appreciate it.

[papergirllife]

The Story Of You And I.

Lee Taeyong ( One Shot- Part 1 )

Warnings : Angst, smut, slow burn.

You and Taeyong went way back. Since the both of you were 7 at the 2002 Seoul Fashion week for your mom's up and coming fashion label.

When you met him, he was working as a child model for your mom's brand.

" Hi I'm Y/N. What's your name?"

" I'm Taeyong. Who are you? "

"I'm Ms Kim's daughter. Your one of the models for this show aren't you? "

" Y-Yeah."

" Let's be friends from now on. "

"Okay."

You didn't know why you picked him out of all the boys there to make friends. Maybe it was because of his big googly eyes or his cute bouncy self waiting in line to be dressed.

The both of you became close friends. Always chatting at the backstage of every show. He even signed a contract to stay on with your mom's brand.

As you got to know him longer, you knew more about him. He was a rich family's son, he's mom was once a famous model back in the 70s' and married a wealthy business man. Their family owns Lee Insurance Inc. and even a law firm.

As he got older, his father wanted him to learn up the ropes of the business world, at the age of 12.

He never liked the corporate world, too shady he always said. Thankfully he has a sister who enjoyed business. So the responsibility didn't weight on him anymore.

As Taeyong and you grew, the both of you started developing into teenagers. His eyes were still big, but held a sense of mystery. His jawline sharper. Shoulders broader.

You hadn't changed much, not as much as he did. You started cutting down from snacking as you fall into the phase of wanting to keep yourself fit. You started a gym membership and enrolling dance classes.

You still remember staring at yourself in the mirror at age 15, admiring the curves you developed from your hard work.

Taeyong wasn't blind. He saw the way you changed. No longer that cute little girl who said hi to him at his first catwalk.

One day at the age of 16 the both of you were trapped in one of your mom's studio due to heavy snow fall as you were helping Taeyong with his measurements.

You got bored, so you started sketching some designs on your notebook after your mom taught you how to.

" Do you always bring along your sketch book and pencils wherever you go?"

" Yeah. So that whenever I'm inspired I'll always be able to draw at once. It's really important to me. "

" Thats so artistic and cool."

" Thank you. "

You could feel the blush creeping up your cheeks. You have never been complimented much in your life. Being a famous designer's daughter means you rarely have sincere friends. Taeyong was the closest to you among all.

You looked up from the sketch book to see Taeyong's face only millimeters away from yours. His eyes focused on your lips. With a pounding heart, you closed the gap between the two of you.

Everything was well for a year. Both of you were the sweethearts of the weekly tabloids. The power couple netizens would call the both of you. Until everything fell apart.

At one of your girl friend's new year's party bash. You were supposed to go there with Taeyong, but you suddenly had a headache from the amount of work from school and work. So Taeyong texted you that he wouldn't go as you weren't going to be there.

You were going to fall asleep until your friend Yeri called you.

" Y/N, Y/N. Open your messages right now. You won't like it, but it's the truth and I didn't want to hide it from you. "

" Um. Okay? Hang on a sec. "

When you opened Yeri's chat, there were two blurry photos, you clicked into them and your heart dropped.

It was Taeyong and some random girl making out. You exited your chat with Yeri and opened Taeyong's.

' I'm breaking up with you. '

You hit send and proceeded to block his number and all the other forms of social media accounts.

A few weeks later, the tabloids caught wind of the break up and even caught a photo of Taeyong and some girl kissing at Starbucks.

Taeyong and Y/N, Lovebirds No More? Who's Taeyong's New Mystery Girl?

Y/N's nasty heartbreak, Taeyong's Break For Freedom.

The Similarities Between Y/N and Taeyong's New Darling, Rosé.

Throughout this break up, only Yeri was there, helping me move on from my first love and heartbreak. Passing me tissues and eating tubs of ice cream together.

2019.

" Ms Bae, Ms Bae! "

" Yes? "

"We're short of one of our main male models, he suddenly called and said that his aunt was in critical condition at Jeju. So he flown out of the city and won't be participating in all of our shows. "

" Hurry find a replacement. Any decent model will be fine for today until we find another permanent. "

" Yes, Ms Bae."

You can't screw this up. This is the first time your mom gave you full reins of the company. You had to ace this one way or another.

You were adjusting a model's clothing when you heard a voice that made you drop the pins in your hand.

" Y/N, long time no see. "

You still remember his voice, even though it got deeper as he matured.

" Taeyong. "

You greeted him in a hardened tone.

" Cut the crap. What are you doing

here? "

" Ms Bae, Ms Bae. He was the only decent model available at such a short period of time. "

Your assistant didn't dare looked up to your face, fearing that you might fire her on the spot.

" Get him dressed Nancy. "

" Yes, Ms Bae. "

You looked at Taeyong like he was trash, well technically he is to you but not literally. And you really needed a replacement model.

" Y/N, don't you remember all the happy memories we shared? "

You ignored him and started picking out his runway attire.

" Mr Lee, what is the size of your waist? "

Your assistant asked.

" Ask Y/N. She knows. "

" I don't keep trash in my head. Tell her yourself. "

Taeyong sighed. You sneaked a glance at him. He still does that making his lips straight frown whenever he's frustrated.

It's time you forgot about him Y/N, you told yourself.

" Size 31. "

He took the pants from your assistant to change behind the veil.

" Are you okay Ms Bae?"

Nancy whispered.

"It's been 4 years plus now Nancy. I'm fine. " Or that's what you keep telling yourself.

Nancy seemed a little bit relieved at what you said event though she wasn't entirely sure you were speaking the truth.Suddenly someone called.

"Nancy, Nancy! We need your help with one of the model's measurements. "

You took Taeyong's clothes from her hands and beckoned her to go. She left with a little bit of uncertainty on her face, but didn't dare to question her boss.

Taeyong finally stepped out from the veil, looking smart in the pants you designed.

" Here. Change into the button up first, then the sweater, finally the coat. "

You passed every article of clothing to Taeyong but he didn't take it.

" Dress me. "

" Stop playing games Taeyong. Time is ticking. "

" What sort of games? You did this all the time back when we were kids. "

" I'm not your friend or anything anymore, so get dressed on your own. "

Instead of listening to you, Taeyong plopped down the stool, mindlessly looking at his fingers.

After a minute of no sign of movement from him you took matters into your own hands.

You began to unbutton his shirt rapidly and put on the shirt for him, buttoning the buttons.

Taeyong had a surprise look on his face, he didn't think you'd actually do it.

When you undressed him, you saw the changes on his body. He was much more built than he was last time. Small knobs and cervices at his once soft stomach. You were careful to not touch him.

After you finished adjusting the dress shirt, you forced the sweater over his head, fingers accidentally knocking onto some part of his face.

" Ouch! You used to be more gentle when you dressed me backstage your mom's shows. "

" Let the past stay the past. " You said as you dumped the coat on his face.

" Do that on your own, or get a fling to do it for you. "

You scanned him top to toe to see if anything was wrong. Until you spot his Nike sneakers.

You weren't going to be Prince Charming for him. So you called Nancy and told her to switch tasks with you with a pair of size 9 from your latest collection.

The show was starting soon, you double checked the attendance and the paper and magazine companies.

You could feel a headache forming thinking of the gossip columns eating on the drama that's going to happen tonight.

Ex Lovers Reunited?

What's Happening Between Taeyong and Y/N? Taeyong casted in Y/N's First Full Fledge Collection.

Just mother freaking great.

Everything went smoothly during the beginning, no mismatched clothes, no ruckus outside the venue.

You took a peak from behind the curtains. The columnist and VIP customers seemed to be enjoying it.

" Ms Bae, Ms Bae. "

Nancy called you interrupting your thoughts.

" Yes? "

" Right after Taeyong's wrap up for the runway, it's supposedly your turn to greet and thank the guest. "

Shit, I forgot. A could sense an oncoming disaster.

" Right, yeah. Just let me get changed and I'll be right out. "

You changed into a pair of black skinny jeans and black sweater, to not distract the audience from the clothes worn by the models.

I stood behind Taeyong to wait for my cue. He suddenly turned around and looked at me in the eyes.

" No good luck kiss like when we're 17? "

"You lost that right when you lost my trust. "

For a while Taeyong really looked hurt. I could have been imagining it, don't get your hopes up Y/N , it'll just break your heart again.

When Taeyong walked the runway, heads turned and jaws dropped. Of all the models to grace my brand they didn't expected him. Especially for the closing scene, but there wasn't anyone else under my belt that could pull of such an outfit.

I could see my guest started whispering among themselves. Some frowned, some smiled, some had cynical looks on their faces, like they expected you to fall back with your most popular ex.

When Taeyong came back, it was your time to shine.

" Thank you so much for coming to the show. Customers who would like to make purchases may raise their hand, an employee with an iPad would be of assistance. Once again thank you and goodnight. "

You bowed and returned to the back end. You started helping your staff pack up the equipment, but they all dismissed you midway claiming that they could finish up by themselves.

So you decided to pack up your belongings to head home to prepare for the after party.

After keeping everything, you double checked your belongings and found that your sketch book wasn't present.

You started panicking, the sketch book held many ideas and sketches for future references.

" Ms Bae you should head home to prepare yourself for the after party. "

" I know Nancy, but I can't seem to find my sketch book. "

Nancy's eyes became saucers, she knew how important that book was to you.

" I'll help you ask all the staff, you have to head home to prepare first, it's your first after party Ms Bae. "

" Okay, thank you Nancy. Contact me if you find it. "

[tacitusauxilium]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Meme.

Mun & Muse

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by: @deathboundinautumn​ (yay! :D) tagging:    this is a bit long, so i’ll tag a few people: @goddessofpathos​, @eris-the-phantom-thief​, @finalhxaven​, @revolver-jesus​

MY MUSE IS:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated.

IS YOUR CHARACTER POPULAR IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO / MAYBE (from the beginning of the game, I don’t think many people liked her--but once other games and remakes came out, she’s more likeable? I’ve never really known if she is likeable tbh)

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED HOT™ IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO / IDK. (I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN HER IN ARENA?!)

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED STRONG IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO / IDK. (Depends on if ORACLE doesn’t fuck you up.)

ARE THEY UNDERRATED?   YES / NO / IDK. (YES! Very much so because some people don’t do her social link or just don’t actually try to understand her.)

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN STORY?   YES / NO

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER?   YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. (A ROMANCE OPTION! As well as helping the protag open up a bit more~ <3)

ARE THEY WIDELY KNOWN IN THEIR WORLD?   YES / NO. (she’s just a student at Gekkoukan High)

HOW’S THEIR REPUTATION?   GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. (During her story in P3, she had a good reputation with many of her friends and others. So, she is almost never bad--maybe if she sides with more people, perhaps? XD)

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?   —  I follow the canon story almost to a T. And as much as I like that, I always rather like to RP more AUs because as much as I like Fuuka being the way she is in the game, her personality seems kinda bland. I make her more sassier and have her be more confident personality wise. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka: try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.   —   //drags and pulls the smolest female member of SEES and pats head// Look at how smol and cute she is! Yes, she’s learning how to cook and be more feminine, but as can wow guys with her technological prowess! She can fix phones, headphones, you name it! She’s loves to listen to people and give advice, no matter what. She will be there for you and be willing to do anything for you, give or take.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).   —  She is a walking doormat who never says NO. She’s really shy and bashful whenever a guy, or girl, compliments her. Fuuka takes on a lot of responsibilities and wants to do everything herself. She can’t handle confrontation wells because, well, look at what happened with her and her bullies.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?   —   I played P3P in college and I got a personal blog on Tumblr and saw people RPing--and I got to saw interactions with Akihiko and Junpei first of all. I was interested and asked about what they were doing. And once I played Minato’s side of P3P, and then Minako’s, and back to Minato’s, I was very much in love with Fuuka. I think my brother-in-law’s girlfriend told me about how there wasn’t many Fuukas on Tumblr, so I gave her a shot because I knew she wasn’t very interesting to others and well...that was that. Also, I could relate to her in the sense of her shyness and being bullied.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?   —   Whenever RPers tell me my Fuuka is one of the best, that I show her a lot of love and that it’s contagious. And when people enjoy having me and her around, I get really happy and I feel welcomed again. Also, it helps when you RP ships that you like or wanna try out and it actually works out--//cough cough// Shinji and Fuuka //cough cough//--and other people like it too, it��s interesting and keeps me motivated tbh. 

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

DO YOU THINK YOU GIVE YOUR CHARACTER JUSTICE?   YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? (After being told so many times, I think I really do. I have the worry in the back of my mind that I don’t, but I still give it my all.

DO YOU FREQUENTLY WRITE HEADCANONS?   YES / NO / SORT OF? (I do sometimes, since my inspiration comes out of nowhere, but I need to do more tbh.)

DO YOU SOMETIMES WRITE DRABBLES?   YES / NO (OMG. Whenever someone gives me an idea, or a pairing, and we talk about it and like...I need to write more, but it’s hit or miss sometimes.)

DO YOU THINK A LOT ABOUT YOUR MUSE DURING THE DAY?   YES / NO (I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN HER IN ARENA? XD YES, I said that twice because damn puberty did her well!)

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR PORTRAYAL?   YES / NO / SORT OF? (Everyone says it’s hella good, so my confidence is growing in my portrayal for her, little by little.)

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR WRITING?   YES / NO / A LITTLE BIT. (I KNOW I need to be more descriptive. And I can type great emotional reactions and such, but it’s so difficult to really be more descriptive overall.)

ARE YOU A SENSITIVE PERSON?   YES / NO / SORTA.

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   —   If it’s constructive, then of course. But, if you are going to be an ass, I’ll make an ass outta you!

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?   — YES! Please send as me so I can lay in bed, looking at the ceiling, pondering the answers.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? — Yeah, I mean, I don’t think many people have disagreed though.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?   — Hmm. I probably wouldn’t care. After the 8+ years on here, I think I would be able to handle it very well. It’s my portrayal of Fuuka. I have created her and shaped her the way I know that would help her build her confidence and happiness. And if you don’t like that, then why the hell did you follow me? 

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? — The unfollow button is RIIIIIIIGHT there. Why talk to me if you don’t like Fuuka? Like I said, don’t be stupid and make a fool of yourself.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?   —  Not really? I mean, I’ll probably see it and be too tired to fix it--but, if it’s really bad and it is all over the page, then let me know. If I spelled a word wrong or forgot something, then...don’t tell me. I’ve RPed with people who have had grammatical errors so it doesn’t bother me because I don’t bother them with it.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? —  HAHAHAHAHAAHAH. Oh, you are serious. XD I am really chill af to be honest. I was so strict and worried about everything on here, but noticing and realizing that there are more people who take their time to do stuff, made me realize I SHOULD do that too. So, the short answer is yes I am easy going, but I take a good talking to really open up.

[tricksheart]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Meme.

Mun

& Muse

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by:  Stolen from: @niflheimqueen​ tagging:  Everyone else who hasn’t yet! You have been tagged!

MY MUSE IS:   canon / oc / au / slightly canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated. IS YOUR CHARACTER POPULAR IN THE FANDOM?  YES? / NO. IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED HOT™ IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO / IDK. ( Have you went through his character tags? Every day I see a post that comments on Akira / Ren / the Persona 5 Protagonist and how good looking he is, with or without his glasses or in his Joker costume. And between the 3 wildcard protags: Minato. Yu, and Akira , everyone mostly agrees that my character is the hottest out of them ). IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED STRONG IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO / IDK.  ( He becomes a freaking god / demon lord temporarily, defeats gods 3 times, the greatest control over his own personas and has stronger personas of protagonists from the past aka picaro versions. He’s extremely overpowered and has several METAs in his tags to back that claim up from the fandom’s point of view ). ARE THEY UNDERRATED?   YES / NO / IDK.  ( Actually he’s a little overrated. Probably will be until Persona 6. Mainly because he’s in so many games besides the persona franchise. He’s even in a SAO game for crying out loud and him being a playable character in Super Smash Bros doesn’t help either since a lot of people that can’t play persona get to see and like him ). WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN STORY?   YES / NO WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER?   YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAGONIST ARE THEY WIDELY KNOWN IN THEIR WORLD?   YES / NO / IT’S COMPLICATED. ( He’s mostly known to the world as Joker / leader of the Phantom Thieves and of course the rumors about his reputation around the school as being the troublesome delinquent transfer student. Other than being somewhat infamous, he tends to blend in with his surroundings and doesn’t stick out that much. It’s in fact a ruse but a really good ruse to fool almost anyone. The only one that barely calls him out is Goro Akechi but mostly out of jealousy ) HOW’S THEIR REPUTATION?   GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. ( In most cases, his reputation is quite bad but it’s not really his fault. Getting falsely accused, having it get leaked by a teacher in his new school and having people generally spread rumors that aren’t true about him really hurt his social status. He’s not even allowed in the library in the beginning of the game and several people actually root for him to drop out of school completely. That doesn’t even compare when a few individuals call him actual garbage / trash. And he even can’t join any clubs at school despite wanting to join. He’s the only one of the wildcards that can’t join any after school activities. With his friends and confidants, it’s really quite neutral. Some people adore / rely on him ( ‘Kasumi’ / Sumire, Futaba, Ann, Ryuji, Yusuke, Hifumi, Shiho, Shinya ) and others initially don’t want anything to do with him  ( Sojiro / Iwai / Mishima / Kawakami, Takemi, and yes, even Goro but it’s more hidden away because he is capable of hiding it so easily). He’s had the most bad luck in game between the 3 wildcards. HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?   —  ( I try to stick close to canon as possible but I’ve had Akira even before his game was released so a lot of things are headcanon’d but honestly, Akira is basically a self-insert as there is no set canon. Even his name isn’t permanent ( not counting all the names he has, why atlus why?? ). The great thing about persona protagonists are that you can use just the bare bones of what the game gives you and just run with it because everyone’s interpretation is different / unique.)

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting

in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. —    ( He’s always fighting for freedom and justice, actually seeks out to destroy the injustice placed on the younger generation or the weak by rotten adults or people that just don’t care that bad shit is happening to others. He’s always looking towards a brighter future and sticks to his own beliefs and never wavers ( unless it’s a bad end AU or just fails to complete a dungeon on time ). He’s willing to rescue / help anyone in need, even if it’s harmful to himself and never sells out his friends, even under pressure. Plus, he’s pretty and has a smirk so devilish charming that you can’t help to notice that he’s a really handsome boy, with or without his glasses. ).

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  ( His anime counterpart is so bland when compared the game and manga series, mainly because it really doesn’t focus on him too much and mostly on the other characters that surround him. He’s also quite rude to some of his confidants and he can take deals that only benefits him ( like with the Demiurge and Maruki’s happy world reality ). He can be a little selfish and moody, cranky even and I don’t think some muses / people would find that appealing). 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?   —  ( I guess it was how similar I saw myself in him. I actually relate to this protagonist the most. Isolated, away from home with no relatives taking care of him, few to no friends while in a strange place, everyone doesn’t care about his situation and told him to basically be complainant and not to cause trouble. Also what he represents and strives towards. I truly believe he is the best protagonist out there, with Maya Amano from Persona 2 right behind him. He basically inspires others which in return, inspires me to write this character. ).

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?   —  ( I actually have the most fun when writing him and those who interact with me and my character really seem to enjoy him and his characterization. Plus, I spend a lot of time and effort into him that it keeps me motivated ).

Some more personal questions for the mun. Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

DO YOU THINK YOU GIVE YOUR CHARACTER JUSTICE?   YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? DO YOU FREQUENTLY WRITE HEADCANONS?   YES / NO / SORT OF? DO YOU SOMETIMES WRITE DRABBLES?   YES / NO / IT’S COMPLICATED DO YOU THINK A LOT ABOUT YOUR MUSE DURING THE DAY?   YES / NO  ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR PORTRAYAL?   YES / NO / SORT OF? ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR WRITING?   YES / NO / A LITTLE BIT. ARE YOU A SENSITIVE PERSON?   YES / NO. / SORTA DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   —  ( Yes and no. If it’s legit constructive by all means but if it’s met with ill content, I get defensive. If anyone doesn’t like my version of the protagonist then by all means block me and then go find another one. ) DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?   — ( Yes, I do!! I love when people are general curious about my version of Akira, although sometimes I have to think about something a long time before I can answer them ). IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? — ( Sure I’ll listen to their side. It’s great to hear different opinions since everything is up to interpretation. ) IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?  —  (If my portrayal doesn’t fit your idea of Akira / Ren / Persona 5 Protagonist / Joker then perhaps I’m not the Akira / Ren / Persona 5 Protagonist / Joker for you and the block button is always there. No harm done really. ) IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? — ( My rules state that all hate towards my character will result in a block and I am not afraid to do so if I get any sort of messages or downright horrible comments. Why even follow me if you hate my character, you know? ) ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?   —  ( Sure. Even if English is my first language, I still make mistakes here and there. If I do spell something wrong or the sentence doesn’t make sense, please let me know ) DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? — ( I like to think so. There’s not a lot that makes me mad or angry. I’m really chill for the most part ).

[notreallythegreatestperson]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; MUN & MUSE - MEME.

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

TAGGED BY: @the-judge-of-bones (sort of)

TAGGING: Do it

MY MUSE IS:  canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. 

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK (only a few weirdos)

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK (they get a lot of attention for being evil but imo there's more potential depth to them that doesn't get explored enough)

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO (while you can hc any number of things, you could remove all direct references to them and still have most of the narrative be the same, apart from the very end or the geno route)

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG (especially since I believe in NarraChara)

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. (varies depending on setting, but generally not great)

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?  — I tend to stick pretty close to what little is properly established for Chara, and I enjoy finding little details in the game that I can link into their story (e.g. Asriel asking Frisk to let him win in the final fight, or the fire tools in New Home being filed down.) There’s definitely some of my own headcanons in there though, and I’ll often switch up canon a little bit to make a RP setup work.

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS.  —  You know the trope of “the villain has to think they’re doing the right thing”? Chara’s the opposite of that. They’re a kid deliberately playing the villain, who’s just happened to gain the power needed to be actually dangerous. They’ll do almost anything to get to where they want to be. They’ve got the RP potential for anything from soft wholesome interactions with family and friends, to intense fights to the death. They’re very reactive, and will change the way they talk and act to get a particular response out of someone. They’re the kid who thought they were the Chosen One, and died for that mistake.

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?).  —  They’re straight up not a good person. They can be very antagonistic, no matter how friendly your character is. I don’t ship with them at all, romantically or sexually. They’re a bit overplayed as a RP character, and I don’t exactly do much new with them. It’s very hard to get them to open up, or to do any kind of character development - not impossible, but hard. 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?  —  I’ve always found villain characters interesting, often more than the protagonists themselves. When I first heard of Undertale, I only knew of Chara as the “hehe creepy murder kid villain” character, and played about with RPing them a bit. As I got more into the fandom, I started learning more about them, and how much depth they could have, and it inspired me to keep developing and writing them. 

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?  —  I tend to be very on and off with blogs like this, I’ll have a period where I’ll have loads of inspiration and then it’ll drop off over time. This time around, I’ve managed to join a really cool discord and made some great friends, so I’m hoping they’ll inspire me to stick around a bit longer :D

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? 

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF? (I have a bunch, I just rarely make a headcanon-specific post. Please ask me about headcanons for anything though.) 

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO 

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO (That’s a special interest baby!)

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? 

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. (I know it’s not the best, but I think it works well enough)

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. / SORTA.  (Not really, I’m generally pretty thick-skinned, though it’s still always reassuring when someone lets me know they enjoy interacting with me 💛)

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?  —  I try my best to, I want to make this an enjoyable experience for my partner too, and as long as it’s constructive criticism and not just “haha you suck”, I’m happy to listen.  

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?  — YES. ABSOLUTELY. SEND ME RANDOM QUESTIONS FOREVER AND ALWAYS.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  — If they want to discuss it, sure! Chara’s very based on headcanons and how you personally interpret canon, and it’s honestly really interesting how many different views there are on it. 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?  — it’s not for everyone, and that’s chill! I’m not expecting everyone to like my take on the character. If there’s something specific I’m doing wrong (eg a serious issue I’m misinterpreting), feel free to let me know. 

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?  —  Again, that’s honestly chill. They’re a pretty polarizing character, and the fanon for them can be pretty negative sometimes. I don’t personally agree with some of the reasons why people don’t like them (nochoco’s theory of them abusing Asriel, for example), but I know I’m not gonna be able to change everyone’s mind. 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?  — I don’t mind jokey mentions if I make a funny typo, or pointing out mistakes in permanent parts of my blog (a friend pointed out yesterday that my description had been saying Indepent instead of Independent for months lmao). I don’t think that nitpicking every reply is gonna do much good, though.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?   —  I hope so!