#it's not the first poem I wrote about being aroace

[savingwords]

The heart is supposed to fall

In love,

And for someone

But mine is quiet,

Still at it’s place

It doesn’t beat in sync with someone’s

But it beats for me

I’m not giving it up

But wear it on my sleeve

And treat it gently

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

starting a tag game for writers

Hi, it's Asmi! Okay, so, I've seen so many people afraid to start/continue writing because they're afraid it'll be garbage. And it's so sad how much joy and creativity is getting lost because of that fear. I've written utter shit before, and looking back on it is actually hilarious, and also, it's a reminder of how far I've come as a writer.

I really, really want people to be less afraid of the written word and of creating, and to get rid of that aura of mystery and elitism that often covers the writing process. Writing is messy and it's hell and it's torture. And it's amazing.

So here's the tag game:

Give me three lines/paragraphs that you've written that you love [fiction, non-fiction, from different works or the same, from completed stories or poems or WIPs, from yesterday or ten years ago] that you love. If that seems hard, even one will do. It doesn't have to be perfect. It can just be something silly that gives you joy.

And give me three lines/paragraphs that you've written that you dislike and find shitty. Anything at all as long as you wrote it. If you think it's ridiculous or absolute fucking garbage, even better! That's the point of this game. To see that we all write good things and bad things. Yeah? You can do this. And remember that both these categories are subjective.

I'll start. It's not as scary as it seems, I promise.

Things I've written that I find shitty:

The first man grabbed him by his collar, pinned him against the wall of the cave in which they were standing, and spat, “It doesn’t matter what you’ve done before. If the Queen’s not in the graveyard tonight, King Baza’s going to plan a most delightful execution for you. And even if he doesn’t, you being his nephew and all, I will arrange an accidental blowing up of your house when you are, tragically, inside.” [discount wall slam scene courtesy of 2016 Asmi, you're welcome]

“Overreacting?” said Dextor in disbelief, staring at Jay like, ‘What is wrong with you, dude?’ [sigh. my serious-scene-writing left a lot to be desired.]

“Don’t go,” I said, fighting tears. “Please, don’t leave me, too! You’re all I have left.” Strange thoughts for a child, but I meant every word. She looked at me with anguish. “I am sorry, Phil. Believe me, you are all I have, too, and this hurts me more than it does you. You’re like my son.” [I'm hysterical rereading this melodramatic shit, which was NOT the intended effect]

Things that I've written that I love:

He dropped the books onto a nearby chair and pulled her into his arms as he’d been longing to do all day, the smell of blueberries and hair product and her. The books she was holding were pressed against his chest, and he didn’t care. Why did he need to love the stars when he could love her, why did he need to look up at the sky for answers when they were right there in his arms? [I love this because when I first wrote it, I thought it was romantic, but I realised later that the boy, Ant, is aroace, and it doesn't change a thing about this scene, except that their love is platonic]

"Maybe being happy is the best that we can do. Maybe that’s more than most people manage, anyway.” They stood in front of the entrance, over puddles that reflected all the broken skyscrapers and the colours of the street and the grey-yellow sky. “Whatever you do with your parents,” she said. “Don’t let your guilt get in the way of doing ballet. It’s not wrong to be happy. It’s not.” [This is from the book I finished and I published, and I just really like this paragraph. It's not my favourite, but it makes me smile.]

The last you may leave wherever you please, wherever it is birds land to die. [A line from a poem I wrote in 2022, I like the rhythm]

(It took effort to find ones that I wanted to share, oof. If you find this difficult just know you're not alone. I usually like my writing, but turns out it's hard to take something you created and go hey, look, I'm proud of this. But we can do it.)

Alright, of course anyone who sees this is welcome to join, and tag the writers you know so we can all be uh writerly together :") but to start it off, no pressure tags @howmanyholesinswisscheese, @1800ineedshelp, @queermarzipan, @thescholarlystrumpet, @madfangirlontheloose.

Oh, and also tagging @neil-gaiman, @dduane, @drchucktingle just because maybe if you see this and join in, new writers will find comfort in knowing their role models have ups and downs, good and bad days too :")

Have a lovely day, everyone, and keep writing.

[corujalesbica]

Happy birthday Adrien!!! @dead-immortal

We all adore you so very much, and this is our way of showing it.

By @corujalesbica

♡♡♡

By @night-minstrel

♡♡♡

"i made a little aroace heart for you! it's the 3d version of "<2 - @brightgreendandelions

♡♡♡

By @i-was--more

♡♡♡

Happy Birthday, Adrien!

Happy birthday to you and all that, but I just wanted to say thank for existing and continuing to exist. YOU’RE AWESOME KEEP BEING YOURSELF FOR THE REST OF YOUR EXISTENCE! I wish you a happy birthday and I present you with this as a gift: Friendship! - @sleepycoffeecups

♡♡♡

By @aaand-mitsuba-is-dead-again

♡♡♡

"Thanks for being my first Tumblr friend and for letting me rant sometimes!!!" - @nicodiangeloisliterallymefr

♡♡♡

I'm so grateful for having you in my life. I'm really proud of you. I'm glad I'm able to be your friend right now. You bring me happiness. - @aroace-cat-lady

♡♡♡

My favourite quote: "'Well, it's just a story,' Cinth said. 'All that matters is we enjoy it.' - Quote from the story @shayberri789 wrote you

♡♡♡

"Hey love, Fynn here. You know my chaotic self, welp, here is that side once again. I was aware of your birthday and still forgot to prepare a birthday gift aaaa

You'll get something from me tho don't you worry ;)

I love you very much and I could fill thousands of poems and songs with your beauty and greatness and yet there wouldn't be enough words to grasp it.

Thank you for still being in my life" - @aroacearsonist420

♡♡♡

"thank you for being super nice here on tumblr. I hope you have a great Birthday. Sincerely @AhsokaTanoFan25 (Small Paniky Bean)

♡♡♡

Hey, Adrien, happy birthday! Wishing you lots of fun and happiness! <2 I know I haven’t known you for that long, but I’m really grateful we met. Also I’m glad I have someone to talk to, who, in addition, understands what I’m talking about. Just want to let you know that I’m here if you ever wanna vent or just talk /nf, even if I am a bit younger and..inexperienced? Nevertheless, I’m super happy I met you! And wishing you the best of birthdays!! 🎂🫂🫂🫂 /nf @sillylittlenonbinarygremlin

Pls tell me if I forgot anyone!!!

[arowrimo]

AroWriMo Week 4 Roundup

It’s the end of the last week of AroWriMo, and time to put all the great works in one place. Read through the other submissions, and support the writers where you enjoy their content!

Play/Script

Leaving: A (very) Unfinished Stage Play by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, direct link (blogspot) Summary: A fractured personal narrative on entering and leaving an unhealthy relationship and the pain of being aromantic without that knowledge. Word Count: 1200 Theme: Humanity Language: English Genre: Personal CW: Depression, manipulation, unhealthy romantic relationship, processing self-blame

Novels/Novellas

Oh, the truth shall set you free by @amanita-cynth

Summary: “I know exactly four things about Alway.” She said wryly. “She’s 23, a genius, she keeps at least three feet between her and other people at all times, and she can root out the truth like nobody else.” Of course, coming from another profiler, such an assessment carried a lot of weight. Eden Alway, the newest member of an FBI profiling unit, is odd even by their standards. But as they begin to pry more into her life and struggle with some of what they find, her past is racing to catch up with her and drag them into the storm that was her life. Featuring misunderstandings, odd behaviour, the constant problems of amatonormativity, and a rapidly escalating series of bizarre problems that they are in no way qualified for but definitely isn’t magic. Word Count: 11000 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships, Self-reliance Theme: Fantasy Language: English Genre: Crime, portal fantasy CW: Romance, Violence, Gore, amatonormativity, religious imagery, mild body horror later on, currently a WIP

Lyrics

Embers by @clad-in-sunshine​ (Wordpress, Twitter)

Post, Direct link (tumblr), Direct link (wordpress) Summary: I’m terrible at picking titles. But I have been enjoying writing songs, and this is one I wrote for AroWriMo and the Valentines theme of ‘Love, Romance and Friendship’ at my local folk club. The middle part is entirely uninteresting to me, so this is more about love and friendship than anything else, and the various forms that can take. The tune is called 'Midnight on The Water'. Word Count: 479 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships, Self-reliance Language: English Genre: Singer/songwriter, Folk

Comics/Zine

My Aro Heart: A Zine by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, Direct link (blogspot) Summary:    A short zine about loving the aro community. Word Count: 50 Language: English Genre: Zine CW: Love (non-romantic)

Flash Fiction

Self-Reliance by 27twinsister (Ao3)

Post, direct link (Ao3) Summary: Tsubasa likes to be alone. The note contains my headcanons for Tsubasa and what the words mean.  Word Count: 161 Prompt: Self-reliance Language: English Fandom: Mahou Sentai Magiranger            Genre: Character study CW: None

Non-Romantic Relationships by 27twinsister (Ao3)

Post, Direct link (Ao3) Summary:  Jiro doesn’t know if his relationship with Yuki is romantic. But it’s special to him. The note contains my headcanons for Jiro and what the words mean  Word Count: 209 Prompt: Non-Romantic Relationships Language: English Fandom: Dogengers Genre: Character study CW: Romance mention

Non-fiction

Relationship Anarchy and Hugs by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, Direct link (blogspot) Summary: Applying relationship anarchy to family relationships and hugs. Word Count: 522 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Theme: Defying Expectations Language: English Genre: Non-Fiction CW: consent issues, boundary breaking

Thursday Thoughts: AroWriMo Week 4: Non-Romantic Relationships & Self-Reliance by @sophieakatz

Post, Direct link (tumblr) Word Count: Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships, Self-reliance Language: English Genre: Non-fiction CW: Romance mention

Poetry

Little Boxes by anon*

Post, Direct link (Google docs) Word Count: 456 Prompt: Freedom Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Genre: Poem/non-fiction

To My Dear and Loving... by @writingthingsilike​

Post, Direct link (tumblr) Summary: A poem about being aromantic but still wanting a life partner Word Count: 165 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Genre: Non-fiction CW: None

AroAce by Catolica (Ao3)

Post, Direct link (Ao3) Word Count: 254 Language: English CW: Choose not to use warnings

Care, uncoupled by @graces-of-luck​

Post, Direct link (tumblr) Word Count: 149 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Theme: Humanity Language: English Genre: Free Verse CW: Romance

Human = ( X - Y ) / Z by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, Direct link (blogspot) Summary: A poem about human essentialism Word Count: 129 Theme: Humanity Language: English Genre: Poetry CW: Mentions of essentialism and touches on dehumanizing ideas

Short Stories

My Valentine by @bimboztown on twitter

Post, Direct link (Google docs) Word Count: 305 Category: Short Stories Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Genre: Coming of Age CW: Suicide attempt mention

Lights, Camera, Aro! by charcharcharace (blogspot)

Post, Direct link (blogspot) Summary: An aromantic actress is conflicted over how to engage with a romantically coded improv challenge. Word Count: 1885 Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Genre: Literary CW: a ghost, pressure.

He Is Mild And He Is Meek by @entity9silvergen (Ao3, FFN)

Post, Direct link (Ao3) Summary: He is mild and he is meek, he is Momo and he is what I seek. Suki always wanted three things in life. One was to become a professional soccer player. The second was to live in a cute apartment filled with succulents. The third was to get a cat. Momo probably wasn’t anyone’s first pick as a pet but Suki was determined to get this cat to love her as much as she loved him. If only he’d accept he had a home now. Word Count: 6500 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Language: English Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender. Characters: Suki, Momo, Sokka, Aang Genre: Friendship, Hurt/ Comfort CW: Mention of sex, non-excessive swearing

sick of all those love songs (sing to me about my friend on the moon). by nwhrs

Post, Direct link (Ao3) Summary: Johnny has always tried to follow the game, Ten has always stood out like a sore thumb, Chenle has always been quite vocal about himself, and Jisung really has absolutely no idea just what is going on (or does he?). And this is just a little part of their story. Word Count: 16413 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Theme: Choosing to be Yourself Language: English Fandom: NCT // Park Jisung, Zhong Chen Le, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Suh Youngho | Johnny Genre: Slice of Life CW: Romance, Discussions of romance & amatonormativity

he loves you (he loves you not) by @ternaryflower53

Summary:    "Who's your companion?" the man asks.    "This is Jango," he says, not adding his last name. They have a false  one, a name Jango sometimes uses in undercover missions when he doesn’t  want to risk being recognized as the Mand’alor’s son, but better if they can avoid using it. "He's my husband."    The man frowns down at his datapad, then looks up to study Jango. "I wasn't expecting you to come with a partner, Master Jedi."    or, jangobi fake dating au, but make it aromantic. Word Count: 6270 Prompt: Non-romantic Relationships Language: English Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy (Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jango Fett) Genre: Fanfic CW: Romance, fake/pretend relationship, request to be in a romantic relationship that gets shut down

[demisexualnathanvuornos]

RULES: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your up to 10 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

Got tagged by a couple of people/saw a mutual do it

Multitudes of (A)bsence / Monimuotoiset puutteet

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717583/chapters/59745241

This is my one and only original work. It's a short poem with an English and Finnish versions, about being aroace, demigender and atheist.

I was inspired to write it when I was reading Jenna Clare's poetry book, she's ace and Finnish American, so I decided to get her book because I am also two of those things. It's a beautiful book but at one point it talked of god in a way that it really hit, all the things I'm lacking.

I Never Really Let You Go

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28260108

Just before Xmas, me and Grey-Haven (not on tumblr anymore) where talking about Lucas Bryant I guess and I lamented how impossible being able to watch Playing House (2006) has been. She, being in the UK, was able to purchase it on youtube and we watched it through some microsoft thing.

It was super funny and Lucas was absolutely perfect. So perfect that I wanted to write fic even after only one watch. I've since ordered both the book the movie was based on and a region free dvd from Australia, both of which I am still waiting for but should get them quite soon.

Also, this fic was more popular than I expected, I have lots of fics that struggle to reach 10 hits and this one has almost 40. Tagging the female lead maybe helped? Idk

Drabbles on Touch

I managed to write 9 chapters for Drabbles on Touch which I think is pretty good :

31. Dance (3x12 Reunion) (2020-03-30)

32. Fur (2020-08-14)

33. 1x8 PDA with Jess 1 (at the station) (2020-09-06)

34. 1x8 Almost sex with Jess (2020-11-02)

35. 1x8 PDA with Jess 2 (goodbye) (2020-09-07)

36. 1x8 Audrey's Cheek kiss (2020-09-12)

37. He Should Have Known (1x9) (2020-09-26)

38. Hands (1x9/1x10) (2020-11-01)

39. Accidental Touches (1x12 Resurfacing) (2020-10-04)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000235/chapters/24503604

It's Only Touch (All He Has Left)

I wrote an extra chapter for this that actually touches on a lot of the ideas I had about the fic but didn't end up including when I first wrote this.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13596324/chapters/58917880

What a Waste of a Good Boner (4x7 AU)

Some fun little Nathan/Audrey smut fic I thought should exist.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24738766?view_full_work=true

Next up are a couple of fun multi-chapter fics I'm delighted that I managed to write and finish within 2020:

East Haven Seadogs vs West Haven Cutters

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23750812/chapters/57042253

4 chapters of various stories about this silly little small town little league baseball rivalry. First Nathan pov in 2x4, then Audrey learns to appreciate baseball through Lexie and then James Wuornos' first game with his little sister in attendance and finally, I hit the 2020 pandemic, includes Nathan's childhood memories, including James Garrick and Duke.

Heir to the Herald

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22099819/chapters/52743043

I started 2020 by properly reading The Colorado Kid. I was really taken with Stephanie McCann and rereading the pilot script inspired me to write a combination of all 3. Post canon, someone needs to run the Herald and Stephanie is perfect for the job.

Christmas Party in July

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899377/chapters/68318356

I know there were some prompts about this in July bcus Haven's 10 year anniversary but I wasn't inspired to read or write about this then. Because I don't even like this episode much. But rewatching it on its anniversary, I did find myself inspired to write about the aftermath of the party. Heavy still-one-sided Nathan/Audrey.

And then I thought about that calm bit in s5a and how that was probably in July. And the Paige is not as different from Audrey as one might think. It was fun to write these as almost advent thingies.

----

Moving on from fic, I absolutely loved Lucas' Country at Heart movie and especially the song, A Life in a Love, that he performs. I couldn't help but notice how well some lyrics with Haven, so I did graphic for all the lyrics. It's in many parts and I still think I might do Jennifer/Duke graphic for the last chorus, but that's not happening too soon. But I'm very happy with these and that I managed to do the Audrey pov before the year ended.

https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/tagged/a-life-in-a-love

Ever since it was established that Nathan was a Pet Shop Boy fan, I wanted to do a graphic about it. I even researched ages ago that in 1983/4 West End Girls would be the most likely song he had heard from them and it mentions 'Finland station', so it was perfect. But I then never really started to properly work on it and then I almost forgot it. Until I made those ALiaL graphic and I managed to finish these ones two. Needed to do it in two parts because it works better that way.

https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/tagged/pet-shop-boys

All in all, 2020 wasn't too bad a year for me, creatively. I could give special shoutouts to my Duke Sterling fic (now with a wip sequal), and fics for Lucas' two earlier Xmas movies, Merry In-Laws and A Very Merry Daughter of the Bride. Links available upon request or I might add them myself later.

[famous-aces]

Joan of Arc

Who: Jehanne Darc (often modernized as Jeanne d'Arc) (Joan of Arc is the Anglicization of her name)

What: Soldier and Saint

Where: French, active in France

When: c. 1412 - May 30, 1431

(Image Description: an engraving of Joan of Arc from 1903 by Peruvian artist Albert Lynch. It was featured in Figaro Illustre. It looks more like a painting than an engraving. It shows Joan in the center. In the background is Notre Dame. In the mid and foreground is a field of white flowers. Joan is front and center from the thighs up. She is in full plate mail but without the helmet or gloves. The armor has gold accents. She has pale skin and a round face. Her hair is black and cut into a bob with high bangs. One hand holds a flag and one hand rests on the hilt of a huge sword. She looks stoically and proudly out at the viewer. End ID.)

Joan of Arc is more legend than woman at this point, but she was very real. She is in part responsible for turning the tide of the Hundred Years War in France's favor. Now she is both French cultural heroine and canonized Catholic saint. Joan is an icon and inspiration and to millions be they French, Christian, woman, queer, or all of the above.

Joan's story is fairly well known. She was an illiterate peasant girl who, when she was 13, was visited by the visions of several saints. From that point forward she claimed to have been following God's instructions.  At the time, France and England were still locked in the heat of the Hundred Years War (1337-1453) and the English occupied swaths of France. Eventually God told Joan to topple the English occupation and save France. She convinced the Dauphin to give her command over troops and dressed in men's armor Joan lead French victory after victory.

Although there were understandably doubts about what this untrained teenager could actually do she was able to convince naysayers quickly.  She won first success at the Siege of Orléans. After the city was sieged for more than six months, Joan was able to turn away the English in only nine days.  She was involved in more than a half dozen battles, many victories, between 1429 and 1431. These included the French success at the Battle of Patay and the March to Reims. During the latter she helped siege and reclaim several French cities and ensured the coronation of King Charles VII, at which she was in attendance.

She continued her campaign despite being injured in the Siege of Paris and was ultimately captured during the Siege of Compiègne. Her troops were outnumbered and her attempted surprise attack was rebuffed by English reinforcements, at which point she was overwhelmed and pulled from her horse.

She was captured, tried for witchcraft (although crossdressing was listed among her crimes/charges), and ultimately, horrifically, burned at the stake. Because she was so well loved the English made sure her body was very publicly destroyed both to avoid rumors of her escape and to make sure no relics could be made from her remains (as was very common for holy people at the time). Although English propaganda and court proceedings claimed Joan was a witch who spoke not to God and saints but to the Devil, her executioner still "greatly feared to be damned.". She was only 19 at the time of her death.

Joan has become a larger-than-life figure.  Her story has been told and retold countless times over the centuries.  Movies, books, plays, operas, songs, pieces of visual art. Nearly every medium that exists has depicted Joan of Arc in some capacity. For example, the first celluloid movie camera was invented in 1895, the first filmed depiction of Joan of Arc was made in only 1898.  Mark Twain was very proud of his oft forgotten novel Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc. Voltaire wrote the poem "La Pucelle d’Orléans" (link goes to English translation) and there was a dramatic rebuttal by Die Jungfrau von Orleans (German) by Friedrich Schiller. Tchaikovsky wrote an opera The Maid of Orléans. George Bernard Shaw's Saint Joan is perhaps his magnum opus.  Robert Southey and Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote the epic "Joan of Arc". She is included in Shakespeare's Henry VI Part 1. The likes of Peter Paul Rubins, Paul Gauguin, John Everett Millais, Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres, among others have rendered Joan. She has been used for awards and propaganda.

Joan of Arc even impacted real life fashion, the Bob hairstyle's inventor based the now iconic look off Joan's haircut. It makes sense since the Bob was originally associated with the rebellious women of the 1920s. In 1920 she was canonized and is now the patron saint of France, soldiers, women in the WAVES and WAC, prisoners, among many others.

There is now speculation that Joan of Arc may have been mentally ill or had epilepsy.

(Image Description: a drawing of Joan of Arc by Clément de Fauquembergue found in the margins of a parliamentary document from 1429. That makes this the earliest drawing of Joan we have. It is a brown ink drawing, slightly crude, very simple, of a woman drawn in profile.  It ends just below her midsection. She wears a dress and carries as sword in one hand and a banner in the other. She is scowling. Oddly she does not have the short haircut that would become her trademark look, then again I have no idea how true/untrue to life this is. End ID)

Probable Orientation: Aroace (and obviously GNC. Crossdressing was one of the many crimes for which the English tried her.)

This is already a very long entry because of Joan of Arc's extensive legacy but it is going to get even longer, because I mentioned in Mary Eliza Mahoney's entry that there was another figure I was struggling with in my speculation, here she is. My biggest issue here was more moral than anything else.

Joan was only 19 when she died, that is hardly a full life to determine what her sexual orientation was. I do not object to a teenager self-identifying as any gender/sexual orientation, but it is quite another matter to impose one on them, especially when they died before being able to live a full life.

I thought a lot about the discourse presently surrounding Anne Frank. On my personal blog I have made my opinion abundantly clear (she is not your Bicon, she is a victim of a horrific genocide). So why is Joan different to me? I did some deep soul searching on this. So before going into my evidence as to why Joan of Arc may have been aroace.

The circumstances of their deaths are different. Anne was killed because of her ethnoreligious background in a campaign to wipe out the Jewish people. Joan was brutally killed for her gender and wearing men's clothing as much as she was for being an enemy general.  Indeed, she would not have been burned alive had she been a young man doing exactly what Joan did and not a young woman. But her death is not representative of a larger narrative. There were no other Joans of Arc.

Yes, she is now a Catholic Saint, but unlike Anne Frank Joan was not killed for being Catholic and was killed by other Catholics. Also I should add Judaism is much larger than just a religion. It is an ethnicity as well. Joan was the same ethnicity (if not the same nationality) as her captors.

Anne was also a 20th century girl and 15 when she met her horrible demise. Joan's era and age are something I will expand on.

And importantly I am not the first person to ascribe queerness to Joan's story. She has been a queer figure for the better part of a century by now. Some scholars argue she was a lesbian*. Others say she was nonbinary**. Joan has long been important to the queer community, but that wouldn't necessarily make me right for adding to the debate.

But for Joan of Arc queerness is baked right in to the narrative. She wore men's clothing and broke gender norms, actions so taboo they were part of what cost her her life.  Whether or not this crossdressing had anything to do with her gender or sexual orientation or just done for ease in battle is a subject of debate and boy howdy there is a lot of it. Plus, the actual act of going to war as a woman was an act of gender nonconformity.

Anyway now I am going to tell you why I believe Joan of Arc was an aroace, because it is another piece of the queerness of her narrative that she touted.

Here is one of the most important pieces of evidence to me, her name. Joan's birth name was Jehanne Darc (or a similar spelling), that was her father's surname and it was technically hers. In life she didn't use it. She called herself Jehanne la Pucelle (Joan the Maid) as in Joan the Virgin. That was the name she rallied her troops under. That was how her (dictated) letters were often signed. I have seen the argument made that she was asserting her purity, but it also would remind her troops of her age. Just like today "virgin" held a connotation of childishness. You were not married and inexperienced. Why would a military general want to point out how young she was? She had another name, she could have just been Jehanne Darc. It also told everyone she was a woman, including the enemy, who might use that against her. If she wanted to go with a nickname based on piousness it did not have to be "la Pucelle". There are many that did not imply either gender or age.

Her age is also important. Much like Wang Zhenyi she opted to break convention and do something else when it came time to get married. She was at war at the time when she should have been getting married, French women were generally married between 18 and 25. Her chasteness was noted in that she was only interested in carrying out God's Will. Nothing kept her on the battlefield except her dedication to her cause. She could have retired at any point. Indeed in September of 1429 she was badly injured by a crossbow bolt to the thigh, she had to be dragged from the battlefield and it was only by the king's orders that she did not return to it. She had a mission and marriage did not seem to factor into it. And that, being of marriageable age and not seeking it, would be odd even given her religiousness.

(Image Description: a 1504 painting of Joan on horseback. It is a bright painting on parchment. She is wearing shining armor with a yellow feather in her helmet. She carries a red banner. The horse is white with red and gold accoutrements and is prancing. There are fields and a castle behind her. Joan looks calm. End ID)

The argument could be made that it is impossible to untangle Joan's chastity from her religiousness. But I would argue that there is a way to tell and a way that hers is unique from that of other saints.

Within Catholicism chastity is about sacrifice and self-denial, by being sexless you are giving something up. That is why you will often see saints who are hermits, giving up sex along with everything else. Even saints who die as virgin martyrs (i.e. dying defending their virginity) are generally fending off rape or a marriage that would come between them and God. Unless they are willingly giving themselves up to God Himself chasteness is not supposed to last. Indeed, you are supposed to go forth and multiply and all that.

Officially in Catholic doctrine asexuality does not exist because sexual attraction (to the "opposite sex") is one of God's Gifts.  It is impossible to not feel sexual attraction and be human in their eyes. As per an FAQ on religious life "Question: What do you call a person who is asexual? Answer: Not a person. Asexual people do not exist. Sexuality is a gift from God and thus a fundamental part of our human identity.". Or even more sinisterly as put by former Priest*** and Ugandan Ethics Minister Simon Lokodo when he said he approved of heterosexual child rape more than consentual gay sex "it is men raping girls. Which is natural" the implication being that hetero sex is the only "natural" thing, because even denial is unacceptable. Yes, Lokodo is an extreme example, but it reflects a mindset about heterosexual sex.

Chastity is only venerated in Christianity insofar as you are giving something up for God.  The Christian faith has engineered the acceptable circumstances for sex and you are expected to have it and want it within those circumstances. Joan's maidenhood is traditionally viewed much the same way a nun's is, that she was driven by her love of God and her desire to fulfill His instructions and thus neglected her own desires. It is unthinkable that maybe she just didn't care, that she would rather be a warrior than a wife. She would be far less beloved if that was the widely agreed on conclusion, I assure you.

(Image description: Jeanne D'Arc (1874) a gilded bronze statue by Emmanuel Frémiet now at the Place des Pyramides, Paris.  Commissioned by Napoleon III and standing 13 feet tall. It shows a triumphant Joan of Arc on horseback with her banner held high. Both she and her horse wear armor. End ID)

*The argument for this is actually pretty weak. The one thing I have seen used as evidence of her being definitively a lesbian is that she shared her bed with women. But this was the 15th century, bedsharing was extremely common, there weren't many beds to go around, whole peasant families might share a bed. Yes, it could mean something, but Occam's Razor, in an era when nonsexual bedsharing was common this is not proof this is was for sexual reasons, there is no reason Joan would be an exception. Without any other evidence she was a lesbian this is not enough to prove she was attracted to women.  I am not saying it isn't possible, I am just saying that is not enough to go on.

**In her being GNC. Again, a possibility, but not definitive. Of course this stuff rarely is.

***He was removed from the priesthood when he entered politics as it is against Vatican law to hold both positions, it had nothing to do with his horrific stance on Queer Rights.

(Image Description: Jeanne d'Arc écoutant ses voix by Léon François Bénouville [done before 1859]. It is a painting that shows Joan when she first was visited by Saints/Angels. It shows Joan in layered but undecorated clothing. She is clutching what appears to be part of a loom or other wool working equipment in one hand. The other holds her wrist. She is white and pale and barefoot. Her hair is dark and partially pinned back, starting to come free. She has a round face and looks shocked, her doll like mouth agape in a gasp and her light eyes wide. She is seated on a rock with a field behind her, dotted with sheep and a horse. Far beyond her in the distance is a burning city. In the air around her in an immense sky are the flying and translucent forms of angels. They have their mouths open, calling to her. One offers her a sword another carries a flag/banner. End ID.)

Quotes:

"Jehanne la Pucelle"

-How Joan signed her dictated letters and referred to herself, "Joan the Maid".

"Alas! that my body, clean and whole, never been corrupted, today must be consumed and burnt to ashes!"

-Joan of Arc after being condemned to death, quoted by Jean Toutmouille

(Image Description: a still from La Passion de Jeanne d'Arc (The Passion of Joan of Arc) a silent film from 1928. It is widely regarded as a masterpiece and a landmark of early cinema. Renée Jeanne Falconetti (Joan) is still hailed for her performance. In this image we see Joan kneeling in front of the stake. She is wearing a wool robe and clutching a cross. The anguish on her face is indescribable. Behind her is an armed guard.  End ID)

[the-mighty-dragon]

I feel like I should clarify a few things about the original post because I wrote it in like two minutes while on a cocktail of recently had my first brush with romance at the late asf age of 17 which was actually just giving a dude I didn't know a chance and getting a month of text conversation so excruciatingly awkward that it kickstarted a sexuality crisis that I couldn't really focus on because of AP exams and finals, post exam emptiness, and an overdue english essay.

I wrote this from the perspective of someone situated firmly within allo/love centric parts of society. I've never been in a QPR and I doubt any of the people I know have heard of a QPR, much less would consider it a real thing/know what it is/be interested in being in one with me.

I also wrote this from the perspective of someone who has a hard time understanding social cues and keeping friendships. Something that happens every time I make friends is we'll get along well while we share classes and clubs, but soon after our schedules don't align anymore they stop responding to me. It hurts so bad to realize that while I considered them a friend, someone that I felt love and fondness for, they didn't consider me important enough to keep, as more than a replaceable piece let go of when it became inconvenient.

This is part of the reason why I've always loved the idea of romantic love, I was obsessed with it as a child beyond a normal degree and even now I love shipping characters together. I always dreamed of finding that for myself one day, of being someone's favorite person because they chose to have me as their favorite. I know my view of romantic love is idealistic and unrealistic and that's why I included the Salma Deera quote at the end from the larger poem

In front of my mother and my sisters, I pretend love is cheap and vulgar. I act like it’s a sin– I pretend that love is for women on a dark path. But at night i dream of a love so heavy it makes my spine throb.– I dream up a lover who makes love like he is separating salt from water.

That's why it was so hard to even consider the idea that I might be aroace. If I wanted that true, deep love within friendships, it would be strange, even within the lgbt community it would be strange. If I cuddled with a romantic partner it would be normal, if I complimented them frequently it would be normal, if I sought them out often it would be normal, but with friends I would constantly be scared that and have to wonder whether they think I have feelings for them, if they think I'm doing too much for it to be platonic, if I'm making their partners jealous. And when I get older and we get busier with spouses and family and jobs, I'll see my friends less, My parents see their friends maybe 15-25 times a year, If I don't have a romantic partner will that be it for me? 15-25 times a year and coworkers that I'm not guaranteed to get along with?

Anyway this went from clarification to vent real fast so tldr: the og post was made about me being scared of potentially being aroace while also desiring non-familial, deep love in an allo-centric society because I know it will be so much harder to find, while also having no one irl to relate to and the feeling of isolation that causes. It was never meant to imply that romantic relationships are "truer" or more "valid" than QPRs and/or platonic relationships. Obvi the post is the world's now and anyone can relate to it and interpret it however they want but I guess I just wanted to make the original intent more clear.

Wanting a romantic relationship as a (most likely) aroace not in a "If you want a girlfriend you can't be aroace, it doesn't work like that" kind of way but in a "I want someone to choose me. I want someone to choose me, day after day, for the rest of our lives, because they want to. I want to be someone's partner, I want to be someone's first pick, I want to be their favorite one. I don't want to be shunted aside in favor of husbands, wives, and kids, because our schedule changed, because we've moved on to different things. I want to be a priority. I want them to fight to keep me, I want to fight to keep them. I want to hold someone, I want to be held. I want to exist in their space, I want them in mine. I don't want to find out they mattered so much more to me than I did to them. I dream of a love so heavy it makes my spine throb." kind of way

[britneyshakespeare]

Hello! How about #10 & 40 for the weird questions for writers?

Thank you!

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Hm. I suppose so. But it's been several different types of hauntings that have occurred, from my own work and other people's.

I used to feel very drawn to "I Have a Rendezvous with Death" by Alan Seeger, for instance, when I was in high school, because I discovered the poem when I read somewhere that that was John F. Kennedy's favorite poem and he would have Jackie read it to him. I was a big literature AND U.S. history nerd then and that felt incredibly ominous to me, and as someone with a lot of health issues and a constant death wish it resonated with me on a personal level too. It's still one of my favorite poems of all time. (It was one of the first poems I didn't write that I posted to my poetry blog.) I've imitated that form many times. The relentless iambic tetrameter and the unpredictable rhyme scheme really work to make it feel like fate is running at you, especially with that inimitable refrain. As much as I can mimic the form, I don't think I've ever had one of my own refrains hit me like the image of rushing to a rendezvous with Death. Of course, it's hard for me to ever really shock myself.

But sometimes I do, and I guess that's when I feel haunted by my own writing. I almost never feel like I'm writing something significant in the moment I'm writing it. Far more frequently, whether I think I have a decent idea or not, I'm just writing to pass the time while keeping busy. When I reread something after I've forgotten it, it sometimes does surprise me like "wow, I actually had something really good going on here." I can think of one poem I wrote on April Fools Day 2019, the month I was going to turn 20, that I've never actually posted on Tumblr. It was a free verse about the relationship male influence has had on my development of self-efficacy. That one only took a few weeks for me to be like, "Damn, this is one of my best."

But there are also things I notice in retrospect that I wrote into poems before I understood myself consciously. A big example of that is before I realized I was aromantic, I would write about the loneliness of trying to force myself to feel love. Teenage Diana never thought she just wasn't made that way. It didn't occur to me at all. I liked romance sooooo much in theory but it was so fleeting and futile in execution. Yeah fuck that.

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

Hmmm, okay. I'll do one of mine, and then one from someone else.

First one that came to mind of my own work was this little ditty I wrote on Halloween of 2018. I was well into my self-described "Ghostfucker" era, in which I was knowingly (but sometimes still self-doubting) aroace, but I would still get a lot of comphet I didn't know how to sort out, most passionately though, for dead men I could romanticize without a threat of them harming me or the love ever being unsatisfyingly "consummated." I had been writing these elaborate, self-deprecating poems about being in love with spirits and throwing all my hopes into the high heavens for like a full year at that point, and would continue those redundant themes for about another year from then on. And around this time I started exploring the split I felt between fantasy and reality, mind and body, so on. Lots of metaphors pertained to duality and contradictory ideas. A very strange time for my writing. This is my favorite one of those poems I can think of that I posted, and it still has a special place in my heart.

As for something by another writer, I think I'll go with "Íntima (Intimate)" by Julia de Burgos. Last year I checked out her Complete Poems translated by Jack Agüeros from my library, and read the whole damn thing, only renewing it once. I've never gobbled up a poet's entire body of work so fast. I was just skimming the shelves and found her in the Latin American section, had a little look-see, and I immediately fell into it. I have at this point in my life read so many many poets and it's such a rare and magnificent thing when, especially at my current knowledge and familiarity with the medium, I am instantly hit with the realization that I have found a new favorite. Not just something good, or great. Those I find all the time. I can name hundreds of good or great poets whose works are worth reading. But FAVORITE. Something that blows my mind and sucks me in. And Julia de Burgos is that, a fascinating woman with an incredible mind and a list of accomplishments worth reading about. Her gift for natural imagery is something I envy deeply. I think she's far, far too underappreciated in the Anglophone world. She's just the best.

Send me weird writing asks :D

[famous-aces]

Simone Weil

Who: Simone Adolphine Weil

What: Philosopher, Mystic, and Political Activist

Where: French-Jewish (active largely in France, Spain, and UK) 

When: February 3, 1909 - August 24, 1943

(Image Description: a black and white photo of Weil in the 1940s on the street in Marseilles. She is a pale woman with an oval face and big round glasses. Her hair is short and dark and fluffy. She is wearing a beret and a cap.  She is in her early thirties but I would have thought she was older. Behind her are buses, sidewalk [with trees] and curb. There are some other people on the street behind her. End ID)

There isn't much about Simone Weil that isn't odd and often contradictory. A pacifist who went to war, a Christian mystic who refused baptism, a writer whose most important works were not published until after her death, a religious humanist, intelligent but perpetually naïve, an ethnically Jewish woman utterly disconnected from her heritage, despite embracing the questioning and intellectualism that characterize much of the Jewish faith.

The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy calls her "a philosopher of margins and paradoxes" and André Gide called her “the patron saint of all outsiders.". Today she an important left-leaning philosopher, but her real influence did not come until after her death. But between 1995 and 2012, more than half a century after her death, over 2,500 newly scholarly articles about her were published.  She inspired the likes of Albert Camus, Jean-Luc Godard, Pankaj Mishra, Flannery O'Connor, and Pope Paul VI. Camus said she was "the only great spirit of our times." But her legacy is extremely mixed (with good reason) and some claim she was insane or unbalanced. Even people who greatly admired her say she was a bit odd.  Susan Sontag calls her "one of the most uncompromising and troubling witnesses to the modern travail of the spirit." Which may be an accurate description. She was strange, often contrary, sadly comedic, and, indeed, sometimes deeply troubling. Which is odd, considering that her heart was almost certainly in the right place; regardless of her naïveté and occasional hypocrisy her goal was truth and justice. And as mixed as her legacy was there is a lot to admire in Weil's steadfastness and dedication to others. Indeed her uniqueness of character almost makes her worthy of study even without her influence.

Weil's heart was in the right place (she had a darker side that I will get to).  She was extremely dedicated to the workers, the poor, and the otherwise less fortunate, and was critical of both capitalism and communism. Eventually this dedication extended to God, not necessarily religion, but an Abrahamic God.

She wrote extensively on a number of subjects including labor, management, politics, war, peace, religion and spirituality, among other subjects throughout her life. She was an activist who threw herself into the fray, mind, soul, and body. This last despite being in quite poor physical health for all her life, including suffering from tuberculosis. Her intellectualism and dedication to others began in early childhood. She was always reading and forming opinions. At age five Weil refused to eat sugar to be in solidarity with French soldiers in World War I (then raging).  Her activism often got her in trouble at school, something that didn't change when she went from student to teacher. She was always something of an outsider among her peers.

She was extremely political, altruistic, self-sacrificing, and warm hearted throughout her life. As an adult she worked largely as a writer and teacher, inturupted to spend time incognito working in an automobile factory to get first hand experience/accounts of the plight of workers and the psychological damages caused by industrialization. She was involved in the 1933 general strike in France. Ultimately she was booted from several teaching gigs because of her politics, activism, and contributions to leftist journals. 

She briefly fought against the Fascists in Spain (1936) but was very clumsy and a poor shot due to her terrible eyesight. No one really knew what to do with her, but she was dedicated. Weil ultimately ended up injuring herself with hot oil and her parents came and took her away.

Around this time she became very interested in Catholicism. She was never baptized, however, because her religious interests were far broader than one faith, extending to numerous religious traditions of the East and West, and she disagreed with some of the more brutal moments in the Bible. She had sort of her own conception of God and faith, she called it fundamentally Christian, but it was really her own philosophy with a grounding in the Abrahamic concept of an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and above all omnibenevolent God.

It is important to note that despite being ethnically Jewish Weil was in no way religiously Jewish and has been criticized as downright antisemetic. Having barely read anything of hers beyond a little for this project I cannot say without a doubt if she was, but what I have heard described certainly worrisome. This is obviously not exhaustive and she may have said far worse but she was critical of the Torah (without realizing a lot of the things she loved about Christianity actually came from it), critical of the cruelty of the "Old Testament"/Talmudic God (as if Christianity didn't embrace those actions perhaps more than the Jewish faith), claimed that Hitler was no worse than any other colonizer, while comparing Judaism/Jewish people to the Roman Empire/Romans (she hated the Roman Empire). So be aware of that, especially given the era -- both the one Weil was writing in and our own. Her family was secular, she never interacted with Judaism on any real level, so it is possible -- given the political climate at the time and France's history of antisemitism -- Weil was misled, but given the fact that her political views changed throughout her life (starting as a communist and ultimately abandoning it) and the fact that she was so open hearted elsewhere is saddening and negates the ignorance argument.  It does seem she failed to understand the weight and reality of what she was saying/critiquing. She was vehemently against racism in other forms, but never seemed to make the connection. According to some sources she was always shocked to be called out on hypocrisy (which she was, more than once). So maybe there is something to be said for her just not getting it. This is not an excuse for hatred, but ignorance might be a huge part of the problem.

After France fell to the Nazis in 1940, Weil and her parents fled and began a life in exile, first in the US, then in England.  In England Weil wrote her best known work, L'Enracinement, prélude à une déclaration des devoirs envers l'être humain (The Need for Roots: Prelude Towards a Declaration of Duties Towards Mankind) (written 1943, but it wasn't published until 1949). During this time she worked for the French Resistance, although exactly in what capacity seems to be unknown. But her punishing work against the Nazis and penchant for self-denial ultimately ended up costing her her life at age 34 of either heart failure from malnutrition or tuberculosis. 

(Image Description: the cover of one of Weil's many notebooks. On it she has written "3 (1941)" in the top left corner. She has covered the rest of it in writing in a bunch of different languages including Greek and Sanskrit [maybe?]. All of it is written in squares/rectangles with one rectangle in the middle with shapes/writing in it. End ID)

Like The Need for Roots most of her work was printed posthumously. Her ouevre has been translated into other languages, including English, Arabic, and German as she reached international acclaim.  During her life only a few of her works were published of the 20-some volumes that survive today. Her most important works include (French / English) L'Iliade ou le poème de la force / The Iliad, or the Poem of Force (1940), La Pesanteur et la grâce / Gravity and Grace (1947), Attente de Dieu / Waiting for God (1950), Lettre à un religieux / Letter to a Priest (1951), Oppression et Liberté / Oppression and Liberty (1955) among others, including a lot of eccentric, esoteric, and diverse notebooks kept throughout her life, like the one above.

Probable Orientation: Aroace

As is probably obvious I do not quite know what to make of Weil, but one thing I can tell you is she was definitely asexual.

Weil's sexlessness (and by extension asexuality) has long been part of the narrative oddness of her life. The fact that she shunned physical and romantic relationships is often thought of as part of the pathetic humor as her personality. Clumsy, naïve, downright weird, sexless has become part of that persona, that cloak of oddity. 

People love to claim political reasons for others chastity and Weil is no exception. There has to be some reason beyond natural disinterest. The alternative is too foreign or strange for allos to fathom. All of these suppositions are equally aphobic. The idea that asexuality must be a conscious choice rather than a natural part of a person is extremely damaging as is the idea that not feeling sexual/romantic attraction/desiring sex/romance is unnatural.  There have been people who try to explain away Weil's lack of sexual desire as well: some Christian writers say she was devoting herself to God years before she found the church (Weil herself says the idea of pursuing what she calls "purity" struck her at 16, she would not find Catholicism for more than a decade), to certain subgroups of feminists her sexlessness a conscious choice to escape the patriarchy. But really it seems much more to be her sexual orientation than a political statement. Weil was a woman who made a lot of political statements, constantly, but the avoidance of sexual contact seemed natural rather than put on. 

For one thing she spurned physical contact, but only that with sexual intent. She didn't spurn friendly contact and she would kiss her friends in a platonic way more common in her era. Weil wasn't prudish nor offended by the idea of sex. When she was asked if she was seeing anyone she laughed, but was unbothered, it was more like she thought the idea of her dating was ridiculous rather than looking down on the idea. She had many friends both male and female. 

 In her teen years Weil started dressing oddly so that no one would find her physically attractive. She had a reputation from youth as being a weirdo in part due to her asexuality, but an attractive one. Although it seems that people, especially boys, had a mixed response to her attempts to mask her beauty. Some of them said it was a shame, others said she was never attractive in the first place.

Many of her critics in the modern day claim her odd traits and behaviors can be explained away by extreme sexual repression, once again giving into that belief that sex makes us normal and whole.

Also like many aroaces it seems that Weil put her love and attention into someone or something other than a significant other/partner. For many of them it is a specific friend or family member, for others it is a passion or cause. These are the historical figures dubbed to be "married to their work". This includes the likes of Erdős, Rankin, Franklin, Santos-Dumont, Nightingale, Wang, Woodson, and Tesla. This is not to say they were friendless, indeed some of them have extremely close relationships but overall these are people who dedicate themselves utterly and completely to their passion and their work. People with more than drive. People who are happiest not in a romantic/sexual relationship, but when doing what they love. I think Weil is part of that category. Her love was not for one person but for nearly the whole of the world. 

(Image Description: a photo of Weil as a young woman/teenager. She is a pretty and pale woman with fluffy dark hair, dark eyes, and full lips. She is not yet wearing her glasses.  She is shown from the neck up. End ID)

Quotes:

"The idea of purity, with all that this word can imply for a Christian [so, virginity], took possession of me at the age of sixteen, after a period of several months during which I had been going through the emotional unrest natural in adolescence. This idea came upon me while I was contemplating a mountain landscape and little by little it was imposed upon me in an irresistible manner." 

-Simone Weil, letter sent to a priest friend on May 15, 1942. (Years after the fact Weil attributed her lack of interest in sex to an inclination to Christianity, but it sounds as if she herself is trying to explain away her lack of sexual attraction or interest. This is something a lot of baby aspecs still do, try to explain away why they aren't interested in sex or romance. I know I did.)

"The Red Virgin" 

-The taunting nickname given to Weil by her classmates due to her chasteness and lack of romantic interest.  She was also referred to as "the Martian" for being "inhuman" and was widely mocked for being aspec. 

"As for her death, whatever explanation one may give of it will amount in the end to saying that she died of love.”

-Sir Richard Reeds (due to the fact that, despite being chronically ill with a fatal disease she continued to work for the French Resistance while also not eating anything above the French ration to show her solidarity.)

(Image Description: a colorized photo of Weil from 1936 when she was fighting in Spain. She is wearing a dark military uniform with a dark bandana around her neck. Her dark hair is even darker than usual. She has a rifle on her back. There are some men behind her on a fairly quiet street. End ID)