#it's not something i saw for liz but i guess that's mostly her not seeing it

[daandyli0n]

so. got an idea for Another fnaf au, one that i like to call "Elizabeth's Toybox of Horrors"

@that-darn-clown if you're interested :]

long story short: Adrian died in Circus Baby instead of Elizabeth. viewing her brother as too much of a scaredy cat, she encourages him to get closer to Baby, only for him to get grabbed and killed instead. this still starts the domino effect of the fnaf timeline (well, my timeline, anyway) happening.

Liz practically becomes a shadow of who she once was. the bubbly, outgoing girl becomes quiet, withdrawn. the death of many children she and her brothers considered friends certainly didn't help. neither do the nightmares.

the day before they would go missing, Cassidy would pop by the Afton residence to give Elizabeth the plushie meant for her brother's birthday. she thanks them for it.

Cassidy never comes by the house again after that (at least, not alive, anyway...).

Elizabeth gains a morbid fascination for the animatronics, the very things that stole her brother from her (the brother she got killed, the brother she watched die before her very eyes). she'd watch the animatronics for hours on end, hardly moving. heck, even more, she sneaks into the Backstage area without her father's knowledge quite often. Michael doesn't bully her; he's honestly a bit creeped out by her, to be perfectly honest. she kinda scares him, nowadays...

she swears that she hears Cassidy's voice coming from the plushie she was gifted by them, telling her about what was happening around her, about her deepest thoughts and regrets.

but, most of all, it would tell her that her father was hiding something from her.

and the more she learns about the animatronics, the more she can't help but agree.

they didn't use to act like that before the..."disappearances."

so...what if they hadn't simply disappeared?

William brushes her off as she asks about it. but she presses him further: "The robots didn't act like that before, Daddy. We both know this. Why won't you tell me the truth?"

it's her ninth birthday. he took her to Freddy's.

she snuck into the Backstage again. she can smell the smell of death back there. Foxy is back there for repairs that day. she swears that she can see something in his mouth, inside of him...

there's a scream from back there. employees find her with a huge wound across one of her eyes.

Foxy bit her.

after a few days in the hospital, she awakens, mostly fine. she's blind in her left eye now, and she has a nasty scar from the bite, but she's alive. William talks about how Foxy is dangerous, this is why I've told you so many times now not to go back there, what if you got hurt even worse than that?

Elizabeth hardly even seems fazed. she looks up at him, smiling.

"It's fine, Daddy. Fritz told me he was sorry.

...He seemed really mad at you, though..."

William is left speechless. as is Michael.

(there's no way she could make that up. there's no way she could just randomly guess Fritz was Foxy.)

Michael leaves home, going to stay with Henry. Liz stays with her father.

Liz gets sent to a therapist, because (to a certain degree) maybe William could convince her (and himself) that this was all just her being mad about Adrian's death, as well as losing Charlie. she's just mad and bitter about what happened, so she's just making up some reason to still be mad at him.

(it was his faulty robot that killed Adrian, after all. why wouldn't she be mad about that, the therapist says. she feels like she can't truly forgive him for that, even if it was nothing more than a tragic accident. so she's just trying to find some more justifiable reason to still be mad. at least, that's what everyone else seems to tell her.)

but it doesn't manage to convince her.

it just makes her stop talking about it as openly.

she knows what she saw and heard that day. and...if Fritz and the others were in the robots at Freddy's...then...is Adrian...?

she grows up. she moves out in 1993.

a few years later, she goes to find her brother. she finds him, as well as several others.

she gets them out, all her insides still, well, inside. she starts working on robots of her own, just for fun.

but, she gets an idea. William practically killed these poor children (indirectly, because Funtimes, but still), don't they want vengeance?

turns out, they do. and Adrian, horrified and disgusted by what his father has done, wants to help them.

Elizabeth gets an idea, one that all of the Funtimes are on board with:

Why don't they go pay her dear old Daddy a visit? :)

(aka: Elizabeth lives, and becomes Michael Afton, But If He Were 10% More Unhinged. And Had An Army of Robots)

[lemoncrushh]

Out of Bounds - Chapter 18

STORY PAGE

Word Count: 2157

James was gone when I got up the next morning. I was grateful that I didn't have to face him. It was cold and rainy outside so I wore my heavier coat for the first time since last spring. When I put my hands in the pockets, I felt something and pulled it out. It was a ticket stub from a movie that James and I had gone to see. I hadn't really been interested, and didn't care for the film, but James had so I'd kept my mouth shut.

Thinking back, I remembered a lot of little things like that. Where it wasn't my choice or my decision, but I'd gone along with it to make him happy. I believed that was what marriage was. I didn't want to rock the boat. But I suppose in the end it just made me a chump. Because I wasn't getting that kind of treatment in return. He had the upper hand always, and every choice in our marriage had been made by him and him alone. The only think I'd ever done was decide to go back to school. Now I was going to have to give that up. Because James paid for it. Once the semester was over, I had to say goodbye to college once again. I shook my head at the irony. I'd wanted to better my life, find myself so to speak. Instead, I'd found Harry. Now the thing that had brought me to him would be no more.

But one thing was for certain. I wasn't going to give up Harry.

History was dull with the exception of a pop quiz. I'd almost fallen asleep by the end of class. Because I'd only made it just in time, I hadn't had a chance to talk to Harry beforehand. So as we walked out together, I told him I was leaving James. He listened intently as I gave him all the details of the night before.

"A week? Bloody hell," he cursed under his breath.

"I know," I sighed. "But I guess I can't really blame him. I wouldn't want someone who doesn't love me to live with me for another moment."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I haven't figured that out yet," I replied. "I just know I'll be busy packing and trying to avoid running into him. I texted Justine but she hasn't gotten back with me yet. I was hoping maybe I could talk her into letting me stay with her."

Harry nodded. I knew what he was thinking. And I wanted very badly to stay with him. But we both knew that wouldn't be the wisest choice right now.

He kissed me goodbye, and we separated. I dreaded going to the snack bar or library for fear of running into Liz or Leslie, but it was too cold to sit outside, so I resigned to sitting in the corner of the snack bar anyway. I got a cup of hot chocolate and a muffin and sat down to read. Fortunately, I saw no sign of the "mean girls", and before I knew it, it was time to walk to English class.

On the way home, I stopped by the grocery store to see if they had any empty boxes. Most of what they had had gotten wet from the rain, but I was able to get a few so I could go ahead and start packing. When I pulled into the driveway, I felt a sudden rush of sadness, knowing I would be leaving this place soon, forever. My life would be completely topsy-turvy. I'd be starting all over.

When I walked in the door and set down my book bag, I checked my phone once more for any possible messages from Justine. None. I decided to try her again, only this time calling instead of texting. I was disappointed to get her voicemail. I left her a message to please call me, it was very important. Then I hung up and dragged the empty boxes into my bedroom.

I turned on some music to distract my mind - a playlist I'd made of 70s female singers like Linda Ronstadt and Carly Simon, and I sang along while I packed. Because everything in this room was mine, I didn't feel that nostalgic about anything. It was mostly items such as books and magazines, DVDs, and clothes. When I got to my jewelry box, I was afraid I would feel some sort of pang in my chest from seeing my wedding ring. I hadn't worn it since that day Harry showed up at my door and we'd made love on my bed. That particular memory was the one that put a smile on my face. Not the ring nor what it signified. I picked it up out of the box and walked into James's office. I dropped in on his desk, next to his daily planner and mug full of pens.

When I returned to my room, Carly was singing about how nobody does it better. I sang with her, my arms open wide. "Baby, you're the best!"

I picked up my phone and quickly texted Harry, just to tell him I loved him. He replied within seconds, telling me he loved me too, and asking how I was. I told him I was fine. He had to work that night, so he said he'd call me when he got home.

When the clock showed after five, I almost got up to cook dinner. Then I laughed out loud, thinking how ludicrous that would be. I'd filled up all the boxes I'd brought home, making a mental note that I'd have to get some more tomorrow. Then I got in the car and drove to a drive-thru to pick up a burger and fries. I didn't really want to be there when James got home, so I pulled into a nearby park and ate in my car. The sun hadn't quite set yet, so I got out and walked around for a little while. The rain had subsided for the day, but the night was cool and crisp. I wrapped my coat tight around myself, watching the other people go by.

Finally when the sun had gone down, I drove back home. I expected to see James's car in the garage, but his spot was empty. I figured he probably didn't want to see me either and had decided to stay at work late. I retired to my room, got in my cozy pajamas, and crawled under the covers. I picked a movie from Netflix that I'd had in my queue for a while and never got around to watching. I wasn't really paying much attention to it as my mind was elsewhere, and eventually I fell asleep.

I awoke to the sound of someone in the kitchen. I gathered it was James, and he seemed to be deliberately trying to either wake me up or annoy me. A few minutes later, I heard his footsteps approach in the hallway, then the turn of my doorknob.

"Tisa," he whispered loudly. "Are you awake?"

"I am now," I muttered, perturbed.

Not taking the hint, James walked up to the bed and sat down next to me. Although I couldn't see him very well in the dark, he looked a little disheveled. He sighed and turned towards me.

"Tisa," he said with a cry in his voice. "I don't want a divorce."

"What?" I sat up and turned on my bedside lamp.

"You're my wife," he exclaimed. "You're supposed to be my wife forever. For better or worse. Whatever problems we have, we can work through them."

I rubbed my eyes and looked at him, all slumped over the side of the bed. For a moment I felt sorry for him. Perhaps I wasn't being fair to him. He had helped me when I needed someone. He had given me so much.

James suddenly leaned forward and kissed me. I noticed the smell of scotch on his breath. Reacting fast, I pushed him away.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Kissing my wife," he replied. "I love you."

He reached for me again, but I stopped him. "No," I demanded. "Are you drunk?"

Without answering, he just stared at me. Then he shoved his hands underneath my shirt, causing me to pull back. His touch now gave me chills, and not in a good way.

"James!"

"Why can't I touch you?" he whined.

"Because I don't want you to!" I yelled.

"I bet you let your boyfriend touch you," James declared.

I glared at him incredulously. "What?"

"You heard me," he muttered, narrowing his eyes.

He knew? How? Keeping my cool, I continued to stare at him, not giving in.

"He probably gets to touch you wherever he wants," said James. "Like here..." James reached for my chest, but I grabbed his wrist. "And here..."

Pointing down between my legs, James released himself from my grip and touched me. I growled at him as I tried to push myself back.

"Yeah, you like it, don't you? You like him to touch you there. Your little boy toy."

"Get out!" I screamed.

"C'mon Tisa, I still want to make this work. I forgive you."

"You forgive...," I shook my head. "Get the fuck out of my room!"

James stood up, swaying a bit. He was obviously inebriated. He raised his hands, displaying nine fingers. He double checked them before speaking.

"Nine more days, Tisa," he announced. "Nine days and you're gone."

"Fine with me!" I exclaimed. "I'll be out before then!"

He left the room without shutting the door, so I got up and slammed it. I was so livid, even more than I was afraid or curious about how he'd found out about Harry and me.

Harry.

I picked up my phone and texted him, knowing he'd be at work but I didn't care. I told him to call me ASAP. It was about another thirty minutes before my cell rang. I answered it hurriedly, eager to hear his voice.

"Baby," he greeted. "I'm so sorry, love, I couldn't call you sooner."

"It's okay," I answered. "I just had to talk to you. James knows."

"I know."

"What?"

Harry took a deep breath and released it slowly. "He was here."

"Are you serious?" I asked.

"I'm afraid so," Harry replied. "He came and sat at the bar with another man. I recognized him right away. I poured their drinks and then Grayson called my name. Your husband looked up and said, 'Oh, so you're the infamous Harry.'"

"Oh no," I breathed. "What did you do?"

"I acted like I didn't know who he was. I held out my hand to shake his and said, 'Yes, my name's Harry, and you are?' He looked me up and down for a minute then introduced himself as your husband."

"Oh, God," I grimaced.

"Grayson about shit himself. Because he didn't know you were married, see."

"Right."

"I had to keep it cool, and kept giving Grayson the eye to keep quiet, letting him know I'd fill him in later. Anyway, I definitely got the vibe that he already knew."

"Jesus Christ," I groaned.

"So after a couple of drinks, some other man came and the three of them got a table. I didn't see him after that and the bar got busy. I just now got a break. But I explained to Grayson the situation. And check this out."

"What?" I asked.

"Grayson said he's seen him in here before, during lunch hours," Harry stated. "Sometimes with one of those men, sometimes with a woman."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'm not sure what that means. They could be colleagues or clients I suppose."

"Yeah, I suppose," I echoed.

"So I take it he's home now," said Harry.

"Ugh, yes. He's drunk. He came in my room crying at first, then he wanted to touch me."

"What the fuck?"

"I know," I agreed. "I pushed him away, and he said he bets I let my boyfriend touch me."

"Did you kick the shit out of him?" Harry asked.

"No," I chuckled at the image of me kicking the shit out of anyone. "I told him to get out. He reminded me he wants me out of the house. So I need to find a place as soon as possible."

"Well I guess since he knows, you can just come stay with me," he offered.

"I..."

"Tisa, I won't make you if you don't want to," said Harry. "But I would love that more than anything."

"What about Zack?"

"Zack wouldn't have a problem with it. Penny's practically living there now anyway. Or he's at her place."

I bit my lip. "I'll think about it."

"Alright, love," he cooed. "Try to get some sleep okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you," he said before he hung up.

"I love you too, Harry."

MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK

[thevindicativevordan]

Why do you think DC wanted to boot PKJ off Action Comics ?

Anonymous asked: Expectations for Aaron writing Action?

Well I was working on a NYCC 2023 post, and unfortunately the damn thing suddenly deleted itself. Left me totally drained seeing all that hard work gone, so I'm going to keep it short this go around.

Aaron is a very similar writer to PKJ in both tone and style. If he were taking over for the long term I'd be cautiously optimistic - but he's only doing three issues. Doesn't matter if he sucks or is great, he'll be gone in a blink of the eye. Leaves me with no strong feelings regarding him.

Pitch sounds cool, it's the Multiverse Bizarro that Tomasi used. It will be darker in tone and Bizarro has a new power seemingly. Waid consulted and Aaron says he "passed the Waid test". Shows how influential that Waid has become that he's being brought in to help the other Superman writers. Once an editor always an editor. Timms on art is fine, he's not an artist I have strong feelings for but I liked his work on Son of Kal-El and his brief Superman run with PKJ. Given Bizarro was on the cover of Williamson's first issue but is showing up here, I wonder if this is just Williamson farming out a story to Aaron that he didn't have time for himself anymore.

After Aaron, Williamson takes over for "House of Brainiac" which is the big Superman crossover story. Brainiac wants to find his Queen and is unleashing his Bottled City of Czarnia to get her. Supes, the Superfamily, Lex, and Lobo team up to stop him. Great pitch - but Williamson writing another event by himself is a huge red flag. He's 0/2 on events thus far and my concerns had previously been soothed by the assumption that PKJ would help him this time, which sadly is not the case. If it's shit at least we get to see Sandoval draw the hell out of the fight scenes.

Next we will get at least two more creative teams, one of whom is almost certainly Waid and Henry doing the Phantom Zone/Aethyr storyline. Not happy to see Waid claim that story, his Silver Age sensibilities are not going to live up to what PKJ was building to. Huge disappointment at this chance to let PKJ flesh out the Phantom Zone like he did Warworld pass by. After Waid we have one more team, and if Tom King isn't shooting his shot by now he will never get on a Superbook. Turning Action into an anthology book feels like a last minute decision made to buy time while they try and get a permanent creative team, which I do think has a chance of being King.

As mentioned in other posts, PKJ claims he will still be writing Superman and I believe that means he's been tapped to write the Justice League relaunch. He was saying on Twitter that we would get to see his Warworld plot threads such as Kryl-Ux unfold elsewhere, and also he would touch on the backstory of the events we saw in the FS House of El one shot. Sounds exciting to me, the kind of story actually worth bringing JL back.

Oh and starting with issue 10, Williamson is doing a Superman arc that is a Western, expands on Moonlight's backstory, and brings in Terra-Man. Sign me the hell up for that! Redondo seems to have permanently moved to Superman from Nightwing which means I'm probably dropping Nightwing soon.

For other DC news I am ecstatic to see Spurrier and Campbell reunite for more Hellblazer, but otherwise it was a fairly muted showing from DC aside from one huge rumor that I'll cover in a separate post. Oh and I guess there was the Elseworlds announcement but since that was mostly Batbooks I’m not interested.

Apologies to all the Asks about the new Ultimate Universe, I did get them but they were deleted.

Ultimate Spider-Man - Pitch is perfect, a mid-life Peter inspired by Spiderverse Peter B. Parker is exactly what I want. Ideally this Peter will be married to MJ and a father to Mayday but we can't rule out Hickman throwing a curveball and having him be divorced or dating Liz Allen or something. Seeing DoomReed hold the spider in the vial that Maker had, plus the transition scenes of 6160 Peter wearing all the suits makes me guess that DoomReed will time travel back and give Peter his powers similar to how he and Tony used time travel to save Cap. Thus this Peter will have been Spider-Man for a while, in secret. Or it's setting up a bunch of variant covers and instead we will see what happens when Peter gets his powers much later than usual. Either way I am excited about reading Spider-Man comics again, no mean feat.

Ultimate Black Panther - Great choice for writer, Hill's run on Blade rules and his name dropping Dune as an influence has me hyped since I love the book too and it's influence is all over the work of Hickman and PKJ. Great artist in Caselli. Moss is the editor and that is not great. He edited the main BP book and his tenure has been a disaster. Hickman needs to be involved to protect Hill from Moss. Costume design is not great either, feels 90s in a bad way. Of all the new Ultimate books, this is the one I hope is most like the old UU in terms of updating T'Challa, his supporting cast, and Rogues Gallery for a modern era. Fine to start off with "Ultimate Moon Knight", but let's not wait too long to bring in traditional Panther foes like Achebe who need the spotlight and revamps.

Ultimate X-Men - Not interested. Momoko is a talented artist but I only care about the A-List X-Men. A bunch of OC mutants does not intrigue me. Easy skip.

No Ultimates is surprising but my suspicion is that Black Panther will tell the story of T'Challa housing the Ultimates in Wakanda and Hickman wants to push people towards Hill's book. Eventually the Ultimates will spin out of UBP I reckon.

Expect the same level of quality here as Orlando showed on the previous SW book. That said if this is not setting up the restoration of the twins being mutants, I find more Magneto drama tedious. Either pull the trigger and make them mutants again or keep them away from Magneto and the X-Line.

And that was basically it for Marvel announcements that I care about. Might check out the vampire event since McKay is writing, haven't decided yet.

[via-agent]

Elizabeth Snow x Reader

Reader feels used by Elizabeth as she see's her flirt with other people at one of VIA's functions

You eyed Elizabeth from outside of Ruby's office as she finished up the last of her briefing to Ruby and walked out the door. "Hey, Liz," you said. She stopped mid-stride and looked over her shoulder. Her eyes were warm but not inviting; they lingered on your lips for a moment before moving onto your face. You smiled at her and shrugged apologetically. "I just wanted to thank you again."

"It's nothing Ruby would have my ass if I let one of her prized agents get into trouble." The smile returned briefly then disappeared. She shook her head slightly. "Don't worry about it. It was an accident, that's all."

"Still… thanks." Your voice trailed off when she didn't respond. You would be lying to yourself if you said Elizabeth didn't intimidate you in some way. In fact, you found yourself looking away from her whenever she spoke or moved around. There was something very captivating about how she carried herself. She had a grace that made her seem like she belonged wherever she went, you couldn't help but admire her. "Could I bother you for a cup of coffee, maybe a meal, we barely had time to eat on the mission and I was thinking about grabbing something before heading home?"

She nodded. "Sure. Just let me finish up some quick paperwork and we'll go, you can sit in my office it wont take long."

You followed her through the main building and down the hall to her small office. She gestured towards the couch and you sat down looking at the pictures that lined her office mostly of her brother and sister. She shut the door behind you and went to go sit at her desk. "I'm sorry I wasn't much help back there, I guess I should have been more prepared for what happened." You said. "I said it was fine no need to keep talking about it." You played with your hands as you looked down at her thinking you had annoyed her by her curt response.

She sighed heavily and shook her head as she saw your sunken expression. "Listen, it's fine, I'm just glad I was able to get to you in time, lucky it wasn't me in danger they'd probably just give you a slap on the wrist anyways." She said. "Plus, you're cute so you've got nothing to worry about." She giggled lightly. Her comment had made you blush slightly, and the rare laugh that had come from her was angelic. "You think I'm cute?" You asked incredulously.

Her face turned serious again and she looked at you. "Yeah, I do, actually." She paused and took a deep breath. "So stop blushing and lets go grab lunch." She stood up and walked over to her coat rack where she pulled out a brown leather jacket. "This is my favorite place to eat, they make a mean grilled cheese sandwich." She handed you a jacket as she saw the thin shirt that you had onand started walking to the elevator. You thanked her as you started talking about the beautiful view it gave off

A few minutes later you were walking up the the place. Elizabeth had stopped in her tracks as you held the door open for her "What's wrong do you not like this place?" She asked.

"No, it's great I love it here, its really nice." She responded. "So why are you stopping?" You asked a bit confused your stomach on the verge of growling at how hungry you were getting.

"Oh nothing, just that my brother owns it." She said a bit cocky as she replaced your hold on the door gesturing for you to walk in. You gaped at her a little as you walked in. "Ms. Snow welcome, your usual table?" The hostess asked as she greeted you. "Yes, Jenna, thank you," Elizabeth said, it was obvious that they knew each other.

"How's my brother treating you?" Elizabeth asked as she led you both to the booth. "Fine, he's working me hard lately." She said with a smile. "Y/n, this is my brothers wife Jenna." She introduced them. "Hi, nice to meet you." She replied politely eyeing Elizabeth. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend? Oh no, we work together, nothing more than that." Elizabeth said as she took the menus that she handed them. You could feel your shoulders slump at how fast she shot down the idea of being anything more than coworkers.

Jenna took you and Elizabeth's order and headed off to the kitchen. Elizabeth kept peaking glances at you as she noticed your quietness. "you okay?" She asked ducking her head to see your eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine." You said. "Just hungry is all."

Elizabeth smiled and leaned against the seat across from you. "You look tired, did you sleep well last night?"

Your brow furrowed. "I'm not sure, I fell asleep at all." You admitted. "Something about almost dying makes me not want to close my eyes and see that darkness again."

"You don't have to tell me about it." She said sympathetically. "It's alright, the good thing about it was when I opened my eyes on the field you were standing over me, helping me, the moments I did allow my eyes to close I always saw you there." You said with a soft smile. Elizabeth copied your smile but hers was wider. "So you're saying you fell asleep to the thought of me?" She teased.

"Well, uh..." You stammered with a slight blush creeping into your cheeks. "Maybe." You said. "It wouldn't have been the first time I've done that." Your voice dropped low as you spoke.

Elizabeth's face dropped and she searched your face for any sign of a lie. It was clear you weren't lying. She looked away then back at you. You didn't know what she was thinking, you didn't know I'd she found you to be a creep for admitting that to her. She was about to say something when Jenna came back with your drinks and sat them on the table. You took your drink working to take big gulps to calm yourself down. You two didn't talk much as your food came and the bill was brought out. You couldn't help but beat yourself up thinking you ruined everything between you two. Elizabeth offered to drive you home as it was getting dark, you agreed.

When you pulled up to the house you got out as she walked you to your front door. You both awkwardly stood there for a moment before she spoke. "Thanks for dinner." She said as you worked your key into the lock opening it. "No, please, thank you for agreeing." You said to her as you stepped into your warm home. "Oh I forgot." You started as you quickly went to pull of her coat that hugged your body. "No keep it, its cold outside and I can get it next time." She said looking to your own empty coat rack. You hugged it close to you the cold air wafting the scent of it through your nose. You smiled at her. "Um...would you like to come in, the thought of being alone right now is really depressing." You laughed nervously.

She nodded and followed you inside. You shut the door behind her as she turned around. "You walked towards your couch as she sat down and you pulled two glasses from the dry bar and pouring some wine in them. "Here you go." You said handing one to her. You took the other and set it on the coffee table. You sat down beside her on the couch as you watched the fire crackle in the hearth. The silence hung heavy between you as you drank your wine, causing you to wolf yours down, while hers stayed half emptied. "I'm gonna go put my glass away." You said as you got up. "Do you need anything else?"

"No, I'll be fine here." She said watching you walk to the kitchen. You placed your hand on the sink once you put your glass down. The palms of your hands were slick with sweat and you wiped them down with a towel hanging by the dishwasher. You were so far in your head that you didn't hear the footsteps approaching you until they were right upon you. "Can i ask you something. "Elizabeth spoke suddenly. You jumped slightly as you felt the close proximity of her breath against your ear. Her voice was husky and full of emotion.

You swallowed hard. "Yes?" You whispered.

"Do you really think about me when you fall asleep?" She asked.

Your heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean?" You asked carefully.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, that sentence didn't sound too innocent at the restaurant." She said with a smirk as she wrapped her arms around your waist and pulled you closer to her. "What is it that I'm doing exactly that helps you fall asleep?" She asked with a sultry tone.

You blushed deeply as you felt her breasts press against your back. Her fingers dug into your sides and you let out a soft whimper. "I uhm-"

Her lips pressed against your neck and she bit lightly on your skin. You moaned softly as she kissed you, sucking gently on your exposed flesh. "Do you see me moving my hand down like this?" She said as she moved her hand slowly down your stomach.

You shivered as she traced her nails across your bare stomach. "Yeah..." You moaned softly.

She giggled into your ear as she continued kissing and biting your neck. "Maybe a little lower." She purred.

You could feel her hands as the dipped into the waistband of your pants and down into your underwear. You squirmed as she lightly rubbed her 3 fingers over your clit. You whimpered loudly as she picked up her speed

You trembled and shook in her grasp. "Oh god..." You moaned.

She hiked your left leg over her thigh as she was allowed more access to your clit, she reached around and firmly gripped your neck with her left hand. You whimpered out a silent please as you felt your high nearing. "Tell me what you want baby." She whispered as she licked your neck. "Say it." She said as she rubbed you faster the sounds of your wetness growing louder.

You mewled weakly. "Please...please don't stop." You begged her. "Make me cum

She grinned wickedly.

You cried out loud as your orgasm rushed through you. You grabbed onto her tightly as you came. Your body shook uncontrollably as she held you tight and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. When your convulsions finally stopped you looked up at her face from the loose hold she had on your neck. She had an expression of pure bliss on her face. Her eyes glowed purple with satisfaction, her hands still in your underwear rubbing your sensitive mound. You whimpered as your body shook with every swipe that went across your clit. "You're so beautiful whimpering for me." She cooed as she leaned forward and planted a kiss on your forehead. "Can you give me one more before we call it a night?" She asked as she removed her hands from your panties to rest at the waistband of your pants slightly pulling them down. "I don't think I can, I'm too sensitive." You whimpered. "Aw, sweetie, I know you can." She pulled your pants down along with your panties as they pooled on the kitchen floor, she walked you towards the couch and gently layed you down as she quickly undid her jeans and tossed them aside leaving her bottom bare. A tight fitted shirt covered her torso causing her breast to jut out from underneath. She brought both your knees towards your chest as she straddled you her pussy already dripping wet. She lowered herself down onto you and grinded her hips against yours. Elizabeth became even wetter at the sounds of your soft moans and wet sounds that filled the room. She brought her head closer to yours as she rocked her hips faster and harder. You arched your back as you felt her warm wet clit press against your own. "There you go my sweet girl." She moaned. "I want you to cum for me." She whispered as her breathy moans grew louder. Your body moved up and down as your tits bounced from her grinding.

You threw your head back as your mouth opened wide. "Lizzie!" You screamed as your body tensed up. You thrashed on the couch as your legs shook uncontrollably. You squeezed your thighs together as you released another long scream. Your body convulsed as you bucked your hips upwards. Elizabeth came shortly after moaning in your neck as you both slowly grinded against each other's bodies. You laid there panting heavily as you tried to catch your breath. You could feel yourself slowly falling asleep, but the thought of Elizabeth kept you awake. "It's okay sweet girl." She said softly as she lifted herself off of you. "You can sleep." You whimpered at the loss of her warmth. "Go ahead, close your eyes." She said as she got up from the couch, she pulled a blanket that was over the couch onto you and you felt a pair of soft lips kiss your forehead before you drifted off to sleep

After that day your and Elizabeth's relationship changed, it was a constant thing to have her over for dinner or spend time with her during lunch. It didn't take long before she had completely taken over your life. Not only did she become your best friend, but she became something much more than that. You two hadn't established your relationship in any way but you felt like it had potential to be something more when she would hold you at night and tell you how special you were to her and you believed her with your whole heart

"Hey Y/N did you hear about the funtion they're throwing here tomorrow." Elizabeth asked as she walked into your office.

You looked up from your desk where you were staring at some research paper and smiled. "Yeah, I heard." You set the papers down on your desk as you stood up and gave Elizabeth a kiss on the cheek as she handed you a coffee. "It's just gonna be like all the other functions Ruby has put together." You replied. "Dull and not enough booze to go around." Elizabeth joked. You nodded with a smile. "Actually yes." You laughed. "We should go I'm not doing anything Saturday." You said taking a sip of your coffee. "Woah u came in here to warn you about it not ask if you wanted to go." She teased. "I need to get out of this place for a bit." You said as you took a seat behind your desk. Elizabeth sighed and sat next to you sipping her coffee. "Fine, but if Ruby starts drunk singing again I'm out of there." You laughed. "She's not going to do that though is she?" You asked. "Not unless someone makes her." She replied. "Well I promise if she starts I'm leaving right after you." You assured her. "So what are we wearing?" She asked.

"What kind of question is that?." You said as you shrugged your shoulders. "Oh come on, I'm serious." She said. "You'll see." You finished your coffee and headed home.

It was around 11:00 when you arrived at the function. The inside of the building was decorated with streamers and balloons. People were milling around talking and having a good time. You smoothed down your dress a grey fitted dress with a slit in the side showing off a little skin, and black heels completed your outfit. You made your way through the crowd until you saw Ruby standing near the bar. You looked for Elizabeth but couldn't find her anywhere. "Y/N!" Ruby shouted as she approached you. "Hi Ruby have you seen Lizzie?" You asked. "No why?" She replied. "I've been looking for her since 10 minutes ago and i can't find her." You explained. "I saw her over my the bar when I first arrived." She said. "She was talking to some girl but then she disappeared." You frowned and scanned the area for Elizabeth. "Do you know who she was?" You asked. Ruby shook her head no. You thanked her and quickly walked to the bar. You finnaly saw the brown haired girl sitting at the bar you approached her when you noticed a woman walking towards her. You watched as they talked and eventually hugged one another. You saw her whispering something in the girl's ear and the girl let out a laugh as Elizabeth bit her lip and the girl put her hand on Elizabeth's arm laughing harder into her ear. You stood there staring in confusion as you tried to figure out what was happening. You just wanted to leave, you had been there for a while, and she hadn't even come up to you yet, tried to find you but couldn't find you. You had heard of all the woman Elizabeth Snow had ran through in her life, so why now would she pick you, you thought you would be different

You slowly backed up as you did not want to be there anymore. A waitress carrying bottles of champagne bumped into you causing the bottles to rattle slightly bringing in the unwanted attention of Elizabeth as the man apologized. You spun on your heel and headed towards the door. As soon as you stepped into the corridor you heard Elizabeth scream.

"Y/N! Wait!" Elizabeth called out running after you. "Don't, leave me alone." You pleaded. "Wait!" She said grabbing your shoulder. "What's wrong why are you leaving?" She asked. "You're not known to be dense Elizabeth figure it out." You said as you pulled away from her. Elizabeth paused at the use of her name. You turned around quickly and knotted your fingers in your hair. "I'm so stupid." You whispered. "Why didn't I see this coming?" You muttered. "Is this about that woman?" She asked. "It doesn't matter." You admitted breathlessly. "I don't care anymore I'm going home." She tried to grab you again but you shoved her off and walked out of the building to your car

Once you got home you locked yourself in your room and cried.

A knock at the door a few hours hours later brought you back to reality. You wiped your face dry and opened the door to see Elizabeth standing there. You tried to shut the door but she pushed it open and rushed in closing the door behind her. "Get out." You yelled at her. She grabbed your waist and pushed you back into the table in the foyer hoisting you up onto it as you tried to get out of her grip tears streaming down your face. "Y/N stop!" She begged. She started kissing you and trying to pull your clothes off. "Stop it Elizabeth." You whimpered as she kissed down your neck biting your ear. "You think you can come in here and fuck me and I'll just let it go?" You said . "Ruby told me everything." Elizabeth said. "About what you thought you saw." She spoke. "Yeah, what I saw was you attempting to fuck the bitch at the bar." You said as a wet sob broke through your lips. Elizabeth shook her head wiping your tears with her thumbs. "Please don't cry sweet girl." She cooed. You hated yourself for how that nickname still felt right to you. "Let me take care of you." She said pulling your shirt off exposing your bra. "Let me show you how much I love you." She said. You stopped fighting her hands and allowed her to undress you. Your bra went flying across the room and you watched it land on the floor by the couch. You shivered seeing your breasts exposed to Elizabeth's hungry eyes as she took off your pants leaving you in just your underwear she stripped herself bare and carried you to your bed, she placed you on it as she sat behind you spreading your legs as she leaned you against her chest, her chin just above your head as she looked at you through the vanity, the last of your stray tears falling down your cheeks. "Look at me." She demanded. You lifted your eyes and met hers. "Tell me you dont want this and I'll stop." She said. You nodded. "Say it." She ordered. "I want this." You whispered. "Good girl." Elizabeth purred as cupped your pussy, the material scrunched together as an outline of your clit became visible as she rubbed it between her fingers. You moaned softly as she slowly teased you, enough to feel pleasure but not quite enough to make you cum. She teased for a while until the wetness from your skit coated the middle of your panties. The lights were dimmed down low but just bright enough she could see the string of wetness connecting your crotch to your underwear as she took them off and threw them on the floor. Your pussy clenched as she spread your thighs further apart as you anticipated her touch. You moaned as finger slid into your wetness as you clenched around it desperately. Her single digit slid in and out of your tightness as you arched your back and thrust your hips towards her hand. Elizabeth removed her hand and replaced it with two more as you bucked against her pushing her fingers deeper inside you. You moved your head from side to side as breathy moans escaped you. "Thats my girl so responsive." She praised. The sound of you squelching around her fingers as she pounded them into you made you moan louder. You squeezed your eyes shut tightly feeling like you would explode from her relentless assault. "Look at yourself creaming on my fingers." She commanded. You opened your eyes and saw her hand glistening with your juices. Your breath was rapid as you tried to catch yours. "Do you want me to stop sweetie?" She asked. "No." You gasped. "Then look at me when I fuck you." She demanded. You lifted your head and met her gaze. "Yes." You moaned.

She smiled lovingly and then proceeded to pound you with all three fingers. You screamed loudly as waves of pain mixed with pleasure washed over you. You arched your back again and thrust your hips against her hand, gasping for air as you fought the dark spots in your vision. You couldn't fight it anymore as your body gave in. You reached back and grabbed Elizabeth's hair as she plunged her fingers in and out of your clenching hole. Your breast moving up and down and your mouth hung open as tears of pleasure rolled down your cheeks. "You're so pretty like this." She said as she pounding into harder than she ever had before. "So beautiful." She added. You nodded weakly. "Mmmm...look at me." She ordered as she pulled your head back and forced you to meet her gaze. Your back arched to look at her as she worked you close to your high point. You whimpered and groaned as your orgasm ripped through you. You cried out loudly as your whole body convulsed in pleasure. High pitched moans escaping your lips as she continued to plunge her fingers deep inside you helping you ride out your powerful release. You panted heavily, trying to regain your breath as you lay there panting. Elizabeth pulled her fingers out of your tight hole ass you whimpered. "Don't worry baby, I'm not done yet." She said as she stood up and started rummaging through your drawers. "Where's your toys, I know a little thing like you needs something to play with." She said. You blushed as you told her to look in the side drawer. "There they are." She said rummaging through your collection of vibrators and dildos. You watched her curiously as she selected one "This barely looks like it's been used." She said holding up the double sided dildo. "It's not very big but its perfect for someone like you." She said as she straddled you once again. "We're gonna make each other cum tonight." She informed you as she pressed the tip of the toy against your slick folds. "Are you ready?" She asked. You nodded, biting your lip nervously. she pushed the bulbous end of the dildo inside you, your cum staining the pink shaft. Elizabeth sunk the other end inside herself. You whimpered as she fucked you with the toy, your pussy tightening around it as you writhed underneath her. She moaned loudly as she slammed her body against you, bouncing the dildo in your pussy as she fucked you, both of your clits slapping together and the toy disappearing in your wet slits. You looked up at her face as she stared down at you, her eyes glazed over with lust. You could tell that she was close to cumming as well. You closed your eyes and let her have her way with you, letting her use you however she wanted. She held both of your wrist to the bed as she pounded into you, squeaking out ever time her hips met yours. The sounds of your moans and wetness were music to Elizabeth's ears she closed her eyes and got lost in the pleasure your sounds were better than any porn video. "I love you my sweet girl." She whispered as she leaned down and kissed you. You felt her tongue slipping between your lips as she sucked on it and licked across your teeth. You moaned into her mouth as you climaxed again, your body trembling beneath her as she finally came, moaning into your mouth as she rode out her orgasm. You twitched as she rested her head on your waist and held you close pulling the cover over you two. "I love you too Lizzie." You replied.

[chronocidalrage]

Family

I think I take it for granted how much I’ve changed. That probably really is confusing for my family, to their credit.

I’m the challenging one. I think I’m upset with my mom because she hasn’t grown with me. She’s still thirty-year-old Alex’s mom.

Mom really wants to leave us money because it’s how she gives us “love” after she’s gone. It’s her way of feeling like she provides beyond her time here. I guess I get it. Stability and financial support is probably what she wanted most when she was young.

I think I was happiest with my family. When we were all together. So many of my memories are just of being together. I was happy when I obliviously enjoyed my family. But whenever I’d see the cracks I’d feel like they’re complete strangers.

I think she was a better mom for when I was young. As I got older, she had more and more trouble figuring out how to parent me.

I think I really was happy with my family. And being at school and stuff was annoying because I was away from my family (and was made fun of at school). I was unhappy when I wasn’t with my family. Then they all kinda changed and stopped being the reliable safe space they always were and I lost my shit.

I really loved my family. I felt so good when I was with them.

Tonight I can kinda feel like I know Atom is gone. Insane.

OCTOBER 2ND I’m fucking sick. Not Covid. It sucks though. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.

OTHER PEOPLE We forget that other people are just other versions of us. Copies of the same thing with most of the same emotions.

SCOTT I just thought of my brother Scott and felt how much I love him. How much I’ve always looked up to him. How impressed I’ve always been by him.

I can’t believe we have Ruby. She used to be something that felt so over my head and now she’s such an integral part of my life that I can’t picture life without her. Good things can be real, and they can be worth so many bad things.

TWITTER May be my overall largest source of emotional connection. Uh oh. That’s not good in general, but especially not in reference to recent news. Fuck you Elon.

MOVIES I really would love to make a movie, it just that it sounds so fucking challenging.

DEATH Should I write my own SUGGESTED obituary? Why not? 

Alex, husband of the Dorchester-born super-babe Susie Donahue (whom he loved so much he could never seem to believe she actually chose him), brother of Scott Harris (whom Alex hopes got as much out of being brothers as he did), uncle to his nephews Xavier and Maxim (whom Alex hopes he made a positive impact on the lives of), best friend to Tim and Matt, both of whom made a lot of hard times worth fighting through. Alex loved movies, comics and music, and odds are, he made way less of of those things during his lifetime than he wishes. Wherever he is now, he hopes it’s the same place his brother Atom and his dog Ruby went to.

STILL SICK I started feeling sick Tuesday night. Now it’s Friday night and I feel mostly okay, so it was two bad days for the most part. Susie is finally sick now, after me trying to avoid her for a few days. I’m hoping it’s quick for her.

I managed to make a connection on Twitter who gave me the chance to see a hard-to-see movie and I got to see watch it on my 41st birthday (11/5/22). It was cool and it felt weirdly perfect. Even though I was still sick and other shit sucked.

LATE NIGHT RAMBLINGS Crazy to think I’ve been friends with Liz Whelan and Chris Olivo for ten years. I keep thinking of them as Susie’s friends.

I’m always looking for the next “big moment” so I can often miss the big moments in front of me. Whoops.

Maybe the gift of the connection I had with Atom will allow me to love myself like he loved me? Maybe I could somehow feel that? That would be amazing if I could. Fingers crossed.

It’s crazy to think all those memories I have of Atom, they were all the same person (the Atom I had bunk beds with, the Atom I had an apartment with, the Atom I saw that last time when we bumped into each other at the house). I should just be grateful we were on this planet at the same time for 40 years. What a gift, honestly.

He deserved to have someone heartbroken about him potentially dying. I’m glad I gave him that at least.

The desire to create is the belief that the things that would make you happy don’t exist yet. Oops.

I don’t want to find new things to enjoy, why can’t I use the ones I already have? Like, why should I find more friends or create new family members? Just let me enjoy the ones I already put the effort into.

For me, I think happiness is NOT feeling that longing I feel effectively every single second of every day. 

Am I kind of upset about my mom not being in that house anymore? Is that part of why this all upsets me so much and why I feel weird about blocking off the door?

I’m overprotective of Susie and Ruby and our little apartment because I think this is all I really have.

The Interpol song “Evil” makes me think of going to shows with Susie. I should tell people what they mean to me while I can.

I really am having trouble enjoying the now, plus, I keep doubting my future, and the combo of the two makes me not like who I am currently. My displeasure with my reality makes me upset with myself so I give up on trying many days.

I keep trying to recreate good things I had instead of finding new ones.

I think to me, love is people choosing me. I rarely felt chosen.

I feel weird tonight. I miss my childhood, and I’m grateful for Susie and Ruby, but I want more. I want more happiness and more good moments and I’m terrified to open myself up to them. But I want them. I want to stay in the theater, watching Jack Slater and trying to find the golden ticket, but I need to move on.

Because that’s the other point of the movie, you need both to have the magic. Movies make your life more magical because (like any good art) they help you put your life in context, and your belief in them makes movies magical. It’s the combination of the two.

So I guess just focus on the real magic. Making magic yourself instead of just enjoying it. Making magic is harder, but more effective.

Live. Do things you wanna do. Make things. Love people. See places. Enjoy your body. Live. Get more tattoos.

I miss my family. Everything felt so good and secure when I was young. I miss that. And it kinda fell apart but I made it even better in some ways during my late twenties and early thirties, and then I just lost it more and more ever since. And I’m always sad about that. And I’m always too scared to open myself up to new things.

GOOD VS EVIL There’s always a generational interpretation of good vs. evil. Cowboys vs Native Americans. Until that seemed wrong. Then Cops and Robbers, but it was over prohibition and it highlighted how silly bureaucracy can be. Then Action Cops and Action Robbers, until the concept of cops as good guys and criminals as bad guys seemed inaccurate and naïve. Now it’s superheroes, because we’re way more likely to trust heroes that work outside of the established power structures. Even Action Cops typically went against authority.

[elizabeth-graham]

The Cost of Surviving A War

Liz‘ hands are slick with his blood. It’s red and wet and sticks to her skin pungently. His body is still warm, but thankfully devoid of life and, thus, pain. It is a small mercy. She is running on autopilot, can barely remember afterwards how she goes through everything without breaking down before she is alone, trying desperately to scrub his blood from her hands. It feels like those hours after Grindelwald had revealed himself in the subway station, only somehow even worse. Hollow. Deafening. Unreal.

He is dead. Gone. No more. Taken from them. Stolen away from Melly whom she does not know how to face now. There is nothing but a void, a friend-shaped hole next to her and inside her and trying not to think about him hurts but thinking about him hurts even more because he will never come back, never give her that lopsided smile again, never again crack one of his awful jokes that still make her smile.

She almost skips his funeral. She cannot keep away, in the end, out of representative reasons alone, although they mean nothing at that time, dull echoes in the back of the back of her mind. What good is duty right now, when a rift has opened and swallowed a part of her life. Her face could as well be carved from stone, as little as her expressions change during the ceremony. Her eyes are surely devoid enough of life to pass for it. She does not feel like crying. Crying is not enough. It is also not right. Crying is reserved for when the night is too dark and sleep too elusive and the silence too loud. But not in front of all those people. Not in front of his casket. He wouldn’t have minded, but he would have known that she would have minded, so he would have accepted her shutting herself off during the memorial. She is one of the six carrying his casket, on the left side, middle position. Walking at his side one last time. Carrying part of his weight on her shoulder just like all of them had always carried each other whenever one had been hurt in the field. They had faced death together too often to count and now it had claimed the first of them when he had been alone and surrounded by enemies. No friendly face to bid him goodbye from this world, no warm voice soothing his final worries.

She does not throw a flower on top of the casket. She pinned his auror badge onto his robe before the casket was closed. That had been her final honoring. They had been more than just colleagues, but it had all begun and it had all ended with them being aurors. It was such a fundamental part of both of them that she was sure he knew what she had been trying to say with that gesture and that he would appreciate it.

She had been asked, among others, to say a few words at the service. At first, she had refused. Absolutely sure that she could not do it, could not keep the composure to do it. But when the service is held, she cannot not say something, just like the others. But she struggles with the words. As so often for her, the right ones refuse to come. Perhaps, she decides for her own sanity, there just are no right words for this. And because that is something that does not concern the numerous people in front of her, she settles on a detail, a side note of what she wants to say. She keeps it at that one sentence.

“Charles Delgado was too good a man to not see when a sacrifice was necessary for helping people and he was too noble one to let others carry that weight.”

She does not visit his grave again.

She closes herself off from the others.

She throws herself into the war effort even more.

She gets more reckless, joining raiding parties and the front lines more often, now that an end to this war is on the horizon. Her tactics grow ruthless. Where she would incapacitate before, she is ready to kill now. She feels like having lost the polar star, like her moral compass cannot pinpoint north any longer. His unabashed goodness had been such a grounding force that she feels like a storm has torn the ground from under her feet. She also sees no reason to try relocate it.

The ambush is brutal, quick and no one knows what is happening before it is almost too late. Grindelwald’s second in command in leading the twelve wizards. Five of her aurors are dead before they hit the ground. She manages to evade the green jet of light just so, more with accidental luck than by any honed skill. Different colours fly through the air in rapid time and she is bleeding from at least four different parts of her body when she finally has a second to breathe, which she uses to disapparate instead. Her ears pick up that there are voices yelling but her brain cannot begin to filter for the words to make sense as she stumbles forward and collapses into the arms of a person with familiar black hair.

When she wakes up again, she is lying in a hospital bed and Amelia Delgado is sitting one of those awfully uncomfortable plastic chairs that are part of every hospital in the world, chin fallen onto her chest and eyes closed. Liz does not know what to feel, is afraid of working through what she is actually feeling but she cannot stop the tears from falling silently as she slowly drifts back to sleep. The next time she wakes up, the others are there, too.

The boss yells at her. Kit threatens her with bodily harm if she is ever that stupid again. Yassa’s voice is so thick and her eyes so bright, Liz feels rotten all over again. And then, Amelia enters the room, a plastic cup of coffee in her hand, and she rushes to the bed and pulls Liz in an embrace, mumbling into her shoulder almost the exact words Kit used about never doing something that stupid again. And then she adds that she does not want to lose any of them, too. A dam breaks inside Liz. She tightens her arms around that young, brilliant woman and clings to her. She does not care for the tears that are falling freely. She babbles that she is sorry over and over again and it feels like it is not enough.

She has to spend a whole week in the hospital. By the fourth day, the president visits her to rope her back into tactical planning since she does not have to move for that. She has never seen a nurse get that angry at the highest ranking MACUSA employee, and she has been an active auror for very long by now.

When she is allowed to sign her lease, she expects to quickly drop by her flat and then head over to MACUSA. She does not expect for Yassa to wait for her on the hallway. She smiles at Liz faintly and escorts her to the Graves manor. The boss, out of all people, is pulling some sort of intervention crap for her. She can stay there. As Yassa does – of course. And as Amelia does. Apparently, even Kit is there most of the time.

“Being alone does not seem to be a good idea for any of us,” they say. They are righter than even they may realise themselves, she muses.

Amelia tries to talk with her. A lot. Liz is still rubbish at talking. They still understand each other, though. Amelia asks her to accompany her to Delgado’s grave. Liz feels like drowning but in the end, she agrees. It is the worst thing she has ever done but standing there at the stone engraved with his name and birth date is, in the end, strangely liberating. Amelia leaves first and then, as she is alone with him, Liz starts talking. She tells him how proud he ought to be of his daughter. How smart she is, smarter than Liz anyway, and that everyone is looking out for Amelia. She tells him how the mattress in her room is too soft and how weird it is to see the boss with bed hair every odd morning. She tells him how stupid she was and apologizes for not dealing better. She tells him how Picquery could not even wait for her to get discharged from the hospital before pestering her again. She tells him how Ibrahim had wreaked havoc in the kitchen at breakfast and how much he would have hated it. She tells him the names of their fellow aurors that also fell. She tells him they will win the war. She tells him how she wants to personally see to bringing Grindelwald to justice. Not by defeating him. She has no delusions of grandeur. But afterwards, when he already is brought down. She tells him she wants to be part of the people deciding his fate, if it comes to a trial, how she will be doing everything to get him the death sentence.

He has always been a good listener. And it is still so easy to confide in him.

“But I’m still not going to bring you flowers next time.”

The next time, she does indeed not bring flowers, but tells him how Grindelwald’s forces are crumbling.

The next time, she feels so numb she is not sure if she should not lie in the ground around somewhere close, too. She stays in front of his grave for two hours. In all that time, she only says two small words.

“It’s over.”

She visits his grave several days every week. He is still the easiest, the best person for her to talk to.

She tells him about the trial. About how long the process is dragged out. She rants about that lunatic Brit that is pledging for life-long imprisonment and how he has no right to rob thousands of people of their justice, no matter how big his final part in taking down Grindelwald has been. She tells him with tears of anger brimming in her eyes that Gellert Grindelwald will not be executed for his crimes.

She tells him, with no little smugness, when Picquery has to resign due to public demand. She tells him with a chuckle that the boss asked her to run for the elections. She tells him how she replied with ‘only if you’ll be my head of DMLE until I can find someone competent for the job’.

She tells him with bafflement that the boss showed up for work the following Monday. She tells him with a helpless laugh that she guesses she has to follow through, now, too.

She visits less frequently during the planning and carrying out of her campaign. It might also have something to do with her workload on top of that, which may not include Director of Magical Security right then, but demands countless hours to rebuild the nation that is still torn after the war per request of the appointed president, who might or might not try to keep her from running against him successfully.

Three years later, the elections take place.

“You’re not gonna believe it, Delgado,” she greets his tombstone with a hollow laugh, “I’m fucking president. I can’t believe I let myself get talked into that shitshow.”

She tells him how she has an eye on Amelia who is climbing ranks faster than a bludger. She tells him how proud he would be of her. How proud she is of her. How proud the others are of her. She tells him all about Amelia’s first own apartment and about the pictures of him on the mantlepiece. She tells him about the order Amelia gets for heroic actions in the field.

She tells him about how annoying politicians are and how much she misses being an auror. She tells him how she thinks that it was a mistake to run for office. She tells him about little things that annoy her, of stones other throw in her way sometimes. She tells him distraught how Amelia was injured on a dangerous mission. She tells him how much more she hates politics now that she has to deal with it as the only part of her job. She tells him when she manages to re-establish a new MACUSA office branch in San Francisco. She tells him how she thinks about screwing with the British delegate in the ICW every now and then because she still hates them sometimes. She tells him how the reform of laws on magical creatures is started.

One day, she tells him that she has decided to run for a second period. She tells him with the same befuddlement as the first time, that the public is apparently stupid enough to like her as their president. She tells him that she doesn’t mind all that much that they seem to not notice how much of a mess she is, even more so after the war than before. She tells him how someone in the wizengamot told her that the people like her for the jaded war hero persona. She tells him how stupid it sounds to her that they think it partly makes her a good leader, or at least a reliable one. She tells him how she still sometimes thinks about just sticking it to everyone and go join the boss who has finally opened his bar. She tells him how stupid she sometimes feels for still calling him boss, since she has technically been his boss for some time and now not even working with him anymore. Again. She tells him how much it hurts to head to the auror offices and not be able to tease Graves about something or other or just share a wary sigh in mutual understanding. She tells him how stupid she thinks herself for that after all that time and with how much she sees him at home since she never moved out of Graves manor after the war.

She tells him how Goldstein the younger came to her office and actually hugged her when the laws forbidding marriage with nomajs are abolished.

She tells him how much she misses the time before the war, when everything had been so much easier.

She tells him when she promotes Amelia to head auror.

She tells him when she starts to think about retirement.

After her last day at work, she first goes to Delgado’s grave. After half an hour of silence, she heads over to Graves’ bar.

She tells him about the Quidditch world cup that is hosted in the US.

She tells him when Amelia decides to run for president.

“You better be fucking proud of your baby girl, because she is going to be the fucking president.”

Maybe someone close by hears her and looks at her, shocked because that kind of crass language seems somewhat inappropriate for a woman of her age. But the one she is talking to would never mind. She knows that. He definitely did not mind while he had been alive, so why should he mind now.

Delgado had always been the easiest, the best person for her to talk to and even death had not been enough to stop him from being a good friend.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

The Stars Were Bright Above | Peter Parker

✦ pairing — Peter Parker x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 12k

✦ fake dating AU

✦ summary — in an attempt to make your best friend Harry jealous, you accept to fake date Peter who needs to cover up his big secret.

✦ request — I just read your Harry series and I was wondering if you could do something similar where reader is in love with Harry and she fake dates Peter and falls for him?

✦ warnings — angst, family issues, mentions of food and alcohol, language, reader and Peter are in college, brief depictions of anxiety, sexually suggestive content, drama between friends, fluff.

✦ author's note — whew, this one was supposed to be a quick one shot that’d help me get back into writing after days with a horrible migraine and then I completely lost control of it. I managed to find a compromise in 12k words after an excruciating editing process. Hope it’s coherent and that you like it!

════════════════════════

“I would love to stop and chat,” you told Peter as you looked for your keys, “but I’m in a hurry.”

“I’ll walk you to your car.”

If only you could find the stupid keys first! Oh, well, you’d check your backpack once you were in the parking lot.

Peter could have used the time it took you to cross campus to tell you whatever it was he wanted to say. Instead, he fiddled with the straps of his backpack and walked beside you in complete silence.

“I need a favor,” he finally said when you stopped in front of your car. As though it hadn’t been obvious.

“Peter,” you sighed, trying to hold your open backpack against your knee. A horrible idea, really. “My mom will kill me if I’m late for lunch.”

He took your backpack in his hands and held it for you. “I... it’s embarrassing.”

“We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“It can’t wait!”

His tone made you lift your head. “Are you alright? Is your aunt sick or something?”

He shook his head. “It’s about May in a way... oh, that rhymed.”

“Focus.”

“Right, right. Uhmmm she thought I was hiding something from her—“

You interrupted, “Were you?”

“Kind of,” he admitted. “So I told her I have a girlfriend.”

“I didn’t know you were dating anybody.”

“I’m not.”

“So why did you—“ You groaned. “Oh my God, you’re an idiot.”

“I deserve that one.”

“You want me to convince Gwen?”

“Gwen? Why would—“ He shook his head. Avoiding your eyes, he said, “I told her it was you.”

“And she believed you?”

“I’m as shocked as you are!”

“So you want me to lie to your aunt and tell her I’m dating you.” You closed your backpack, having had no luck finding your keys.

“More or less.” Peter continued holding your backpack, patiently waiting for you to retrieve it. “I was thinking more along the lines of lying to everybody and tell them we’re dating.”

You brought a hand to your hair, lightly gripping it for a moment. “I’m not a good actress.”

“I think your keys are in your hoodie.”

You palmed the front pocket where the sound of metal against metal let you know he was right. Introducing your hand, you withdrew the keys. “How did you know?”

“I heard them.”

“You have amazing hearing.” You reached over to take your backpack.

He handed it to you. “It’s a blessing and a curse.”

You unlocked the car and opened the back door on the driver’s side. Leaving your backpack onto the backseat, you heard Peter ask, “So... are you helping me?”

Standing straight, you turned to peer at him. You had to squint as the sun hit your face. “Can we talk later or tomorrow?”

He nodded. “Text me. Please.”

Peter had always been considerate with you and this time was no different. He patted your back before walking away on the opposite direction.

You bit your bottom lip. “Hey.”

Peter turned around. “Mmh?”

“Want me to drop you off?”

“Sure.”

It was nice to have some company in the car after a pretty lonely day. Gwen was nowhere to be seen and you didn’t share classes with Mary Jane. You had other friends, but they didn’t make you feel complete like Gwen, Mary Jane, Flash, Peter, and Harry did.

Harry...

You couldn’t stop yourself from asking, “Did you tell Harry?”

He didn’t sound surprised. “I was waiting for your answer. I told May she was the first person to know.”

You hummed. “What would I have to do?”

“She’ll want to confirm it’s true so you’d have dinner with us and then we would act like a couple in front of everybody.”

“Like a couple?”

“Just holding hands and hugging,” he clarified. “Maybe the occasional kiss on the cheek to throw people off their rhythm. Oh, and pet names!”

“You’ve got everything planned, huh.”

“My life depends on this,” he said dramatically.

“Do I get to know your secret if I say yes?”

He considered your question for a moment. “Eventually.”

You couldn’t believe you were doing this. “When should I come over for dinner?”

Peter’s eyes lit up. “Probably this weekend. I’ll ask May and text you.”

“Cool. I’ll talk to you later, then.”

He nodded. “Be safe.”

“You too.”

You pulled over a few blocks from your family home to put on some makeup, that way you would avoid the chastising that came every time your mom saw the bags under your eyes.

Wondering if Peter could tell the reason behind your helpfulness, you got rid of your hoodie and slipped a sweater on.

Doing this every time you visited after school was tiring, but it was better than putting up with meaningless fights.

Your mom was losing her patience when you arrived, you could see it on her face. She glared at you as you approached her to kiss her cheek. This and the fact that you couldn’t stand pretending so many aspects of your personality, were what lead you to choose to live on your own.

She hadn’t been too happy about it, but she was busy with the family business, her social life, and your sister to complain. Your dad always did what any of you wanted, mostly to make you three shut up.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry! Peter needed help with something.”

You sat down next to your sister who lifted an eyebrow.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately,” your mom suspiciously pointed out.

Oh, so she was keeping tabs on what you did on your free time...

The truth was there had never been anything between you and Peter.

You met him on his first day of college. He was the new kid everybody was intrigued by. Harry hated him at first and although you didn’t, you didn’t speak to him until Harry decided to stop being an asshole.

Now Harry was too busy with Liz, his gorgeous girlfriend, to care about you, his best friend.

It hurt, it really did. You befriended Harry when you were kids and had been inseparable up until now. Of course you had to put up with his weird flings, but he had never cast you aside for them.

You had harbored hope that he was secretly into you, but the less he spoke to you the more you realized he hadn’t found the one until he met Liz. That hurt even more — you were supposed to be the one.

Everything had played out in your mind from the moment you realized you had a crush on him. You would start dating in high school or college, get married, have kids, be a happy family...

But ever since he left you by yourself at a party when he was supposed to be your ride, you realized he hadn’t cared as much as you did.

Peter walked you to your apartment that night and made sure you drank plenty of water. He didn’t have to do it, Gwen and Mary Jane had already offered to do it themselves, but for some reason he felt like it.

You took a sip of water, realizing your mom and your sister were waiting for an answer. “He’s nice,” you opted for saying.

“Nice, eh,” you sister teased you.

“Yeah, nice. Is there a problem with that?”

You knew that attitude would only make them believe they were right in their assumptions. It was what Peter needed from you either way.

Truthfully, Peter wasn’t always nice, but you knew he tried.

“Are we waiting for dad?” you asked.

Your mom nodded. “He’ll be home any moment now.”

Your mom never complained when your dad was late, or when he was too busy to come home for lunch. You were used to it, she was biased in his favor — she had been since you were a child.

You checked your phone to keep yourself entertained. The Notification Center showed multiple badges, but the messages one caught your eye immediately.

Gwen💛: Missed you today.

You unlocked your phone to reply that you had missed her too when another text came in.

Pete: May said it would be cool if the three of us had dinner on Saturday.

You answered Peter first.

Sounds good to me. Just tell me what should I bring.

Your presence is more than enough, you’re our guest.

You huffed a laugh as you typed. Look at you trying to be cute.

I’ll have you know I’m extremely cute all the time.

Yeah, yeah. Should I bring dessert?

You don’t have to bring anything if you don’t want to.

I will strangle you the moment I see you, Peter.

Just say yes or no.

Maybe.

I hate you.

That’s not the proper way to treat your boyfriend :(

You could picture the glint in his eyes as he tried not to laugh.

You went along with it. I’m sorry, babe :(

I forgive you because I’m a nice boyfriend.

Won’t happen again. <3

Now let’s hope we can talk like that in person.

Are you daring me to sweet talk you in person?

Yes.

Your mom called your name. “Your dad asked you a question.”

You lifted your head. “Mmh?”

“No, no, continue texting,” he said sarcastically, “I have all day.”

You quickly typed TTYL and locked your phone. “Sorry.”

Your dad shook his head. “You and Harry always do this.”

“I wasn’t texting Harry,” you felt the need to explain. Harry didn’t deserve credit for this. “What did you want to ask?”

“I asked,” he remarked the word. “If you would be busy this weekend. Your sister won’t be.”

“I— uhmmm... I’m having dinner with Peter and his aunt on Saturday.” You saw your sister purse her lips beside you. “Did you need anything?”

“To spend time with my family.”

“I guess I can come over on Sunday or Saturday morning.”

“I was thinking about going out of town for the weekend,” he clarified.

“The three of you can go if you don’t want to wait another week,” you assured them. “I already told Peter I would have dinner with him and his aunt so I can’t cancel. I also have projects to do.”

════════════════════════

You rested your head on Gwen’s shoulder as both of you waited for Mary Jane in the cafeteria. They never made you feel like a third wheel even though they were dating so you never avoided spending time with them.

Mary Jane arrived accompanied by Peter. He looked extremely serious but he didn’t say anything as he stood across the table, staring at you like a child scared of saying what they had been up to. She elbowed him on the side before sitting down.

Peter got closer to you. “Can we talk?” he asked. “It’s important.”

You nodded, lifting your head off Gwen’s shoulder. As you stood up, you felt her hand squeeze yours which prompted you to turn and look at her.

She gave you a playful look that made you realize she wanted to know every detail once you were done. As your eyes crossed Mary Jane’s, you saw a similar sentiment in them.

“I’ll be right back,” you told them to pacify them.

He guided you to an empty area which wasn’t such an easy task. You ended up resting your shoulder against the wall, facing Peter while he looked around.

His eyes landed on you as he spoke in a hushed voice. “Can we start today?”

You mirrored his tone. “Fake dating?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay...”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Well, you’re changing the plan,” you explained. You hated changing plans, even more so when you weren’t sure you were the right person to execute them.

“I know. Just a day earlier, though.” He unashamedly pouted.

“Okay,” you said, this time sure. “Any particular reason?”

“There’s this freshman who thinks I flirt with her just because I’m nice to her and she’s creeping me out. I feel like she follows me around.”

You sighed. “She just has a crush on you, don’t be a baby.”

“Please?”

“I already said yes, you baby.”

“You kinda like calling me baby, don’t you?”

You playfully shoved him “You’re so annoying.” However, before he could leave to do whatever it was he did in his free periods, you grabbed him by the wrist. “Does Mary Jane know about your plan?”

“No. Why?”

“You arrived together.”

“Ah. No.” He shook his head. “I was looking for you and asked her if she had seen you.”

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah...”

You shifted on your feet. “So what now?”

“Do you have class next period?”

“Sadly.”

He chuckled. “I’ll walk you to class.”

“Wanna hang out with us for a little bit?”

“I gotta talk to Flash.”

You wiggled your eyebrows. “Gonna ask him out too?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m never telling you who I find attractive ever again.”

“Good. Don’t wanna make your girlfriend jealous — do you, babe?”

Peter leaned over. His breath fanned on your face as he said, “Don’t worry, baby, I only have eyes for you.” He then kissed your cheek. “I’ll be right back. Wait for me with Gwen and Mary Jane.”

You nodded, hoping you didn’t look as stunted as you felt.

Both your friends stared at you, desperate to hear an explanation. You understood why, but you were still trying to come up with an excuse as to why you were so flustered over a kiss on the cheek.

You checked your phone, but there was nothing worthy of your attention.

Mary Jane spoke first, “What did Peter need?”

“We are a thing now.”

Gwen hummed. “But what did he need?”

“Permission to make it public.”

Mary Jane scratched her cheek. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“You think he’d be a bad boyfriend?”

“I think you shouldn’t use him to make Harry notice you.”

That was harsh. Perhaps you deserved the reminder that Harry couldn’t care less about you, and perhaps you also deserved to feel bad for trying to use Peter against him — you would’ve preferred if the reminder didn’t come from your best friend.

“I’m not,” you partially lied. “I genuinely like Peter.”

True to his word, Peter walked you to class. You didn’t hold hands, it didn’t feel right, but he sweetly told you that he’d be waiting for you after your last class.

You saw Harry across the hallway, talking to Liz and one of her friends. For a second you thought he would walk towards you, the way he held your gaze had been almost cruel.

But he didn’t, he just gave you a nod and walked in the opposite direction, hand in hand with Liz.

You had better things to worry about. Your classes, your family’s expectations, helping Peter — reciprocal things to an extent. So why couldn’t you just get over the fact that Harry didn’t care about you?

Somebody poked you on the arm with their finger. Turning to the side, you found Flash who shot you a smile.

“What’s up?” you greeted him.

“We have a project to finish.”

You cursed under your breath. “Are you free on Sunday?”

“Nope.”

“Tomorrow?”

He tilted his head. “Yeah. I’ll drop by your place.”

“At what time?”

“Like 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Don’t wanna wake you up by mistake again.”

Peter laughed behind you, having caught that last part.

You ignored Peter. “I have something to do after 5. Why don’t you come over early? I promise I’ll be awake.”

Flash shared a look with Peter and then patted your shoulder. “Cool. See you tomorrow, sleeping beauty.”

Peter snickered, standing beside you now.

“Stop laughing.”

“I just can’t believe you’re that grumpy in the mornings.” He started walking towards the exit.

You walked beside him. “You don’t know the whole story.”

He opened the door for you and then followed your steps. “You can tell it tomorrow at dinner.”

Craning your neck go look at him, you asked, “You want your aunt to laugh at me?”

“I’ll defend you.”

You suddenly remembered that you didn’t know what you were supposed to do or say in front of his aunt. You had met her before, but that fact made this situation even more bizarre.

You tried to start with an easy question, “Should I wear a dress for tomorrow?”

“You can wear whatever you want,” he assured you.

Well, that wasn’t helpful at all.

════════════════════════

You checked the time on your phone and realized you had a message from Flash. He was on his way.

Looking around your bedroom, your eyes fell on the bed where a pile of clothes laid. The sight stressed you out, and even more the fact that you didn’t seem to be able to set your mind on an outfit.

You anxiously waited for Flash at the door, pulling it open the moment you were aware of his presence on the other side.

He lifted both eyebrows. You usually took your sweet time to answer the door.

“We sh—“

You interrupted him. “I need your help with something else first.”

Flash softly dropped the materials he had been carrying onto the couch as he gave you a skeptic look. “I’m not disposing of a body for you.”

You took him by the wrist, dragging him to your bedroom. It wasn’t an abnormal occurrence by any means, he honestly should have had expected it.

“God, not again.” He sighed as his eyes fell on the pairs of shoes scattered around the room.

“Come on, just tell me if I should wear that skirt.” You pointed at the black skirt on top of the mountain of clothing. “Or jeans.”

He opened his arms, unsure as to what to tell you as his hands stayed in an awkward angle.

“What would you want me to wear if I were meeting your family?” you encouraged him to help you.

He cocked his head, looking at you through his lashes. “A straight jacket.”

“Please take this seriously.”

Inhaling deeply, he set his eyes on the pile of clothes. “Is the skirt more comfortable than the jeans?”

“I’m not thinking about comfort.”

“Well, you should. You know May will make you squirm with her questions.”

“No skirt, then.”

“It’s just dinner,” Flash reminded you, “wear something casual.”

”Yeah,” you sighed, “just dinner.”

What an easy thing to say. You knew so few details that you might as well make a fool of yourself in front of May.

Flash ignored your semblance even though you knew he took note of it. He reached his hand into one of the bags he had been carrying then handed you a paper bag. “I brought breakfast.”

“Why didn’t you say so when you arrived?”

He glared at you. “Why don’t you get us something to drink instead?”

You ate breakfast sat on the living room floor while discussing your project. Flash wasn’t the most responsible person ever, but he was by far the best partner you ever had for a project.

However, his comment from earlier made you wonder something. Unable to hold it anymore, you asked, “How did you even know about the dinner?”

“Peter told me,” he answered simply.

“He did?”

“Why are you so shocked?”

You shrugged. “I thought we would wait a little bit longer.”

“Yeah, but it was bound to happen.”

“Don’t,” you warned him.

“Why not? I told you you’d end up having a crush on him.”

“Flaaaaaaaash!”

You hated to prove him right and although this was different, you wouldn’t lie and say Peter wasn’t attractive or crush material.

“Peter’s cool.”

“You don’t have to convince me, I’m already dating him.”

“I’m just pointing out that he’s an upgrade.”

There it was.

Flash took a dislike towards Harry when Harry started dating Liz which was normal because she was his ex, but it turned into vitriol really quickly.

Both Flash and Harry put Peter in an awkward situation the first few months. Now you didn’t know much about it — Harry complained about it with you at first, but he stopped.

“It’s different.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?”

You frowned, looking into your half-empty cup of coffee.

“I can see through you.”

“Mary Jane told you her theory, didn’t she?”

“She thinks the same?” You nodded. He pensively hummed. “She didn’t tell me, to be honest. I’m only trying to look out for you and Peter.”

“I like him, I don’t know why you think I don’t.”

Flash didn’t spare you as he reminded you, “Because you said the same about your ex.”

“Yeah and look how that went!”

“(Name).”

“What?”

“Stop comparing guys you like to Harry and I promise you things will go well.”

He really could see right through you.

“I’ll stop. I promise.” Not knowing why, you added, “It’s not even that hard, Peter is... Peter. You know what I mean? Like how can you compare him to other people or other people to him?”

“Yeah, I get it.”

Oh no. “Do you like him?” you blurted.

Flash laughed softly. “Not in that way, no.”

“You sure? I don’t want things to be weird.”

“Peter might be handsome and cool,” he admitted, “but we wouldn’t work as a couple.”

“You think Peter and I would?” you incredulously asked.

“You will, yeah.”

You were truly nervous now. Not because of May’s potential questions or because you would have to lie — actually, you didn’t know where the nerves were coming from.

You just knew that Flash’s words resonated with you. He went from hating Peter to being his close friend which in your eyes meant he knew Peter better than anyone.

Did Flash know what Peter was hiding? Perhaps that was what he was alluding to when he assured you Peter and you would work as a couple.

The day went by extremely quickly. You weren’t mentally ready when Flash left or when you were on your way to Peter’s for that matter.

Peter was waiting for you in the lobby with hands in his pockets and shifty eyes.

“Is she like mad or something?” you asked instead of greeting him. You were ten minutes early so tardiness couldn’t be the issue.

He made a face, jerking his head as he gazed at you. He looked confused. “She’s just worried.”

What if she got angry at you when you hadn’t done anything? Peter told you to act normal, but normal you wasn’t madly in love with him.

As you approached the apartment, you found yourself thinking you were either going to ruin this or find out you deserved an academy award.

Peter opened the door and allowed you to come in first. May smiled at you before giving you a side hug in greeting.

“I brought dessert,” you told her as you parted from her.

“Oh, honey, you didn’t have to.”

Okay. Not angry yet.

She placed the dessert onto the table and motioned for you and Peter to sit.

Peter and you grabbed the chair at the same time. He opened his eyes wide, making you withdraw your hands immediately. He took the chair out for you.

Peter could be polite when he wanted, but you were getting worried. Since when did he treat the people he dated like this?

Nonetheless, you sat down.

May didn’t waste time and touched the subject pretty quickly. The moment she served dinner, she said, “I thought Peter was messing with me at first.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” he defended himself.

“Sure you wouldn’t,” she said sardonically.

“I thought he was messing with me when he asked me out, so I get it.”

Peter looked at you in shock and you unconsciously smiled at him.

May cooed. “I don’t understand why you two hid your relationship for months when you’re so cute together.”

“I didn’t want it to be awkward with our friends,” you quickly lied. “What if it didn’t work out or something?”

Your answer would have made sense if your relationship with Peter was real and that would be your strategy from now on. He couldn’t have a secret that would need you to lie that often.

May was so happy with your answers that the conversation deviated from you and Peter to everything but your love life.

You felt a little silly now, having expected the worst when Peter had already told you she was just worried.

He walked you to your car at the end of the night, something you guessed would become a common occurrence.

Things had gone well with May so you had no reason to think things wouldn’t go well with your friends.

You gnawed on the inside of your bottom lip. “Are things going to be awkward now?”

“Between us?”

You nodded. “I mean... saying shit is one thing, but you know...” God, you felt awkward already.

Peter frowned for a moment. “Give me your hand.”

Shifting on your feet, you asked, “You want your hand to be under mine or on top?”

“I don’t mind. You choose.”

You slid your arm under his, opening your palm but not touching him yet. He took the initiative and pressed his hand against yours.

“Is this okay?” he softly asked.

“Yes.”

He intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing a little bit. You huffed a laugh.

“This too?”

You nodded.

“Well, that’s the only thing that’ll change between us. We already hug pretty often.”

Oh, Peter gave the best hugs. Although Gwen was a close second, you preferred his because he was always warm. He also smelled good, but you had to give it to Gwen and admit she did too.

“I’ll see you on Monday, then, boyfriend.”

“Drive safe, girlfriend.” Before you could say anything, he added, “Text me when you get home.” Yet he didn’t let go of your hand immediately.

════════════════════════

Harry didn’t take the news of your relationship with Peter that well. The moment he saw you holding hands, he made his way towards you.

Peter squeezed your hand, easing your nerves. He was there, nothing could go wrong with Peter there.

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” Harry drily asked you.

“In twenty minutes or so,” you softly answered.

“Well, can I talk to you?”

You turned to Peter, hoping he’d save you from an awkward conversation. Sure, you wanted a reaction from Harry, but not an angry one!

“It’s okay, baby.” Peter kissed your hair as he let go of your hand. “I’ll see you later.”

With a shaky sigh, you motioned Harry to lead the way.

He immediately asked, “Why Peter?”

You stuttered. “I... things just happened.”

“Did they have to happen with my other best friend?”

In a twisted way, they had to. But you couldn’t possibly tell him that. “You didn’t care when Gwen had a crush on him, why is this any different?”

His eyes sharpened. “It just is.”

Many things just were. That didn’t mean anything. You wished you had the courage to reply.

As always, you gave him the upper hand and allowed him to make another question. “It’s not serious, right?”

What were you supposed to say? The thing that’d make him angry or the thing that’d pacify him? How selfish of you to be thinking about making Harry jealous when Peter needed this to be believable.

“It’s too soon to know.”

Harry hummed, softly nodding. “I’ll walk you to your class.”

You frowned. He had never done something like that.

“You’re coming to my birthday party, right?”

You almost tripped as you answered, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Cool. I’ll see you there.”

Thirteen-year-old you was right when she thought boys were confusing, but Harry surely took the cake. You assumed he’d ask you to hang out more often given his reaction, but there he was telling you —on a Monday— that he’d see you on Saturday.

Harry’s attitude soured your entire morning. If classes were already unbearable, he made you want to skip each one of them. Your friends noticed, but nobody said anything.

What a horrible morning and what a horrible week it would be until his stupid birthday party rolled around and you’d have to see him show his girlfriend off.

Your friends decided to go to the coffee shop near campus after class and although you weren’t in the mood for socializing, you would rather suck it up than be by yourself.

Besides, coffee shops were always a good place to do homework and you had quite a few projects accumulated.

Peter rested his head on your shoulder in the same way you always rested yours on Gwen’s. You threw your arm around his shoulders as you rested your eyes.

“Are you getting sleepy?” you whispered in case he was.

“No,” he mumbled. “But I don’t wanna move.”

“I have to pick up my sister from the mall in a couple of hours so you’ll have to.”

He whined.

“Who would’ve thought Peter would be a clingy boyfriend,” Gwen teased.

“Literally anybody who has ever seen him drunk,” Flash continued teasing him.

Peter was red. He shifted, trying to hide his face on your shoulder.

In all honesty, you didn’t mind if he was clingy or not. You had been told you were a little too effusive when it came to affection so you had a soft spot for people who were similar in any way.

You withdrew your arm from his shoulders in order to continue typing on your computer.

Peter went back to his previous position, facing your computer too. “You made a typo,” he told you. “Third line on the second paragraph.”

Mary Jane arrived late and she seemed to be in a bad mood so Gwen made up an excuse in front of your friend group as though she knew something you didn’t —she probably did— and took her home.

Looking at the time, you realized it was time for you to get going too so you started to put your things away.

‘I’m leaving with Flash,” Peter reminded you. “Text me or call me if you need me. I might not answer quickly because we’ll be playing video games but just try for a second time, okay?”

“Okay.”

He kissed your forehead. ”Drive carefully.”

You hummed. “Have fun, Pete.”

“You too, baby.”

Your mom didn’t give you many details when she asked you to pick your sister up. You didn’t even know with which friends she was hanging out with or why they were at the mall on a Monday and not somewhere more fun.

There you were, judging her like you hadn’t followed Harry like a puppy when you were her age.

She texted you that she was on her way to the entrance you were waiting at, telling you she had been all the way across.

It was probably a lie, but you’d let it slide.

Your sister tugged the door open and got into the car in silence, putting her cellphone away as she got comfortable.

“Did you have fun?”

She nodded and smiled at you.

You snickered and poked her cheek. “You have dried lipgloss all over your mouth.”

Your sister bashfully looked down.

You handed her a tissue. “Hey, it’s okay. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

She stayed silent for a small moment before worriedly asking, “Are you telling mom and dad?”

“No. But I’d like to know who it was.”

She whined. “Do I really have to tell you?”

You tried to put yourself in her shoes. You didn’t know how embarrassing it would have been for you to talk about your first kiss —or kisses— with a family member because nobody really cared when you started dating classmates.

But it didn’t sound fun so instead, you asked, “Are they your age?”

“Yup ”

“You promise?”

Realizing the question was serious, she nodded for emphasis. “Yes.”

“Cool. That’s all that matters.”

Your dad was home so you were forced to stay for dinner which again, was better than being on your own.

You couldn’t wait to either get together with Harry or over him. As things were going, you could only admit it would be the latter.

“Did your friend have a good birthday?”

Your sister looked at you before answering. “Yeah, we saw a movie.”

“What was the movie about?”

Your dad really tried to get along with both of you, you had to give him that. He was bad at it most of the time, but he tried.

Your phone started ringing. As you stared at the screen, you frowned. Unknown numbers rarely called you.

Hesitant, you answered, “Hello?”

“Hi, (Name),” May tried to speak sweetly. The moment you heard her voice, you stood up from your seat on the couch and left the living room. “Peter isn’t answering his phone, can you put him on the line for me?”

You walked into the adjacent studio, weirded out by her request. “He told you he’d be with me?”

“Isn’t he?”

“He is,” you said hurriedly, “I was just curious.”

“Can I talk to him now?” May laughed nervously.

“He went out to buy food and left his phone here. I’ll tell him to call you as soon as he’s back.”

“Thank you.”

You texted him multiple times as soon as May hung up.

May called. Where are you?

She sounded worried.

I had to lie and say you had gone out to buy food and forgot your phone in case she asks.

Hey.

Pete?

Dude, you’re scaring me.

PETER

Come on

Istg I will lose my shit if you’re messing with me

It’s not funny

You made your way towards the bathroom, needing to splash some water onto your face or something. Anything.

He couldn’t be so immersed in a video game as to not answer multiple calls or texts.

Why would Peter tell May he was with you when he could easily tell her he was with Flash? Was he not at Flash’s anymore?

Perhaps Flash would reply!

You texted him and called him dozens of times before giving up. You didn’t want to think the worst, maybe they were out buying something, but they could be in danger too.

Your hands started shaking pretty quickly when the idea of something happening to him overpowered your thoughts.

You needed to get out of that bathroom and back to the living room where a distraction could meet your anxiety before you went crazy.

So you splashed your face and bolted.

Back in the living room, you caught pieces of your dad’s conversation with your sister. He was boring her with business talk.

You had been in her place many times, and although his tone was more lighthearted with her because the expectations to follow in his footsteps were on you, it was clear he was trying to get her interested in things she didn’t even understand.

Your phone dinged. You immediately looked down.

Pete❤️: I’m okay

What the fuck, Peter?

Where were you?

Busy, sorry.

Did you call May?

Yeah.

Ok.

You didn’t know what else to say. ‘I had a shitty day and you almost gave me a panic attack’ didn’t sound appropriate. It would be truthful, but you couldn’t do that to him.

Where are you?

At my parents’.

He didn’t reply anymore so you locked the device and rested your head on the arm of the couch.

What a fucking day. If your week would be half as exhausting, you were ready to give up on the entire month in advance.

Remembering you were meant to ask if Mary Jane was okay, you unlocked your cellphone again.

As you finished typing your message to Gwen, one from Peter came through.

Can you come out for a few minutes?

Yeah. Give me a moment.

You took a deep breath, fixing your outfit as you slipped your phone into your pocket. You rounded the couch as you attempted to take the path towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” your sister asked.

“Outside. I need to give something to Peter.”

“Don’t take too long,” your dad told you.

You said a meek yes as if you were going to listen to him when you needed to inspect Peter from head to toe just to make sure he was truly okay.

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak as Peter slowly approached you. To his credit, he looked fine so he hadn’t lied.

He spoke first, as he should have, “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” you mumbled.

He gave you a look.

Clearing your throat, you opened your arms only to slap your hands against your thighs in defeat. “You had me worried sick.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“Are you going to tell me where were you?”

“I can’t.”

You scoffed. “So I have to cover for you without even knowing what the hell I’m covering?”

He whispered your name, placing his hand on your cheek as he tried to make you look at him.

You closed your eyes. “I don’t mind lying for you,” you softly said, meaning it like you had never meant anything else in your entire life. “But don’t I deserve to know why I’m lying?”

He brought you onto his chest, holding you tight against him. “You do deserve to know,” he admitted. “And I’ll tell you everything, but not tonight.”

You were scared to ask why.

════════════════════════

Peter draped his arm over your shoulder, holding you close to him as the two of you stood with your group of friends.

You hadn’t been in that place in a long time but still remembered where every room was. You also knew in which one Harry would fuck Liz at the end of the night.

You took a sip of alcohol. It didn’t taste like much — a bad sign.

Your eyes fell on the beer pong table. A guy you didn’t recognize and Harry were playing against Mary Jane and Flash. That was a bad sign too.

“I’m gonna refill my cup,” you whispered in Peter’s ear, “do you want me to refill yours?”

He shook his head. “I’ve still got plenty.”

It took you a moment to move and he didn’t make a sign to having found it weird.

The kitchen was quieter, not by much but the change was nice. Something you had always disliked about Harry was his taste in music.

You crashed against a thin body.

Liz took you by the waist and you awkwardly placed your hand on her hip, each of you steadying the other. “Sorry,” both of you apologized at the same time.

“I was distracted,” you insisted.

She took her hands off you and you did the same. Liz extended her hand so she could refill your cup for you.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said as she refilled your cup. “Harry thought you wouldn’t come.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “You know how he is.”

You didn’t. Not anymore. You took your cup from her, thanking her before bringing it to your lips.

“Well, we’re all here,” you said in pretended optimism. “And we’re all having fun.”

She smiled, looking as pretty as ever. “Damn right we are!”

You went back to Peter while Liz took off to talk to some of her friends. Once again, he threw his arm over your shoulders, hand almost brushing your chest as it dangled.

Mary Jane was back, bored of playing. Flash asked Peter to team up with him. Peter removed his arm from you, telling you he’d be back.

You focused on Peter as he rolled his sleeves on his way to the table.

Feeling something move in your pocket, you took your cellphone out. Your dad was calling.

“I need to take this call,” you told your friends.

The air was cold in comparison to the inside of the house. You let your dad call again and answered the phone, already expecting some kind of bad news.

To his credit, he sounded disappointed while telling you the plans the family had made for the next day were cancelled. He said your mom was upset.

As a child you often heard excuses for his absence. He was busy, his success depended on sacrifices, he tried his best so you and your sister could have everything you wanted.

Harry always told you to be grateful that you had loving parents. You weren’t sure you had the same definition of love.

You still assured your dad you weren’t angry and promised to spend the day with your mom and sister. His silence as an answer to your offer was a reminder that he didn’t believe you were capable of fixing meaningful problems.

You didn’t show how much it hurt you, there was no point. He meant well, your mom and sister did too.

Leaving the party sounded appealing, but your friends didn’t deserve it. You sucked it up and went back to the house.

Peter and Flash were bumping fists when you approached the area. They had won the game.

You went directly to the couch, not in the mood for dancing. Peter walked towards you, fixing his hair.

Sitting down, he twisted his upper body. “Is everything okay?”

“My dad just cancelled tomorrow’s family plans and said mom’s kinda upset.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“Neither am I.” You changed the subject, “I’m surprised you won that game, though.”

“You don’t have faith in me?”

You swiped your tongue across your bottom lip. “I never said that. But you have to admit you’ve never been one for taking part in games. Last time I saw you play something, you got your ass handed to you by Flash.” Twisting your mouth, you tilted your head. He looked down. “You’ve never played sports, right?”

He didn’t answer.

You insisted, “Right?”

He hummed, nodding at the same time as though it made any sense.

“Were you even listening?”

“No,” he quickly admitted. “Can I kiss you?”

Oh. He had been looking down at your mouth.

He caught you off guard. You couldn’t say no, though, you didn’t want to say no. “Yes,” you answered him.

He started slow and sweet, with his hand on your cheek as the other rested on his lap. You didn’t know what to do with your hands, so you just closed your eyes and kissed him back, following his rhythm.

He slowly build the kiss up, sucking your bottom lip between his. Gripping the front of his sweatshirt, you boldly bit down his bottom lip in return.

Peter wrapped his free arm around you then he brought you closer, flush against him. His tongue tried to pry your mouth open in the exact moment you were about to do the same. Your tongues clashed together and instead of turning it all awkward, it only prompted you to grab him by the hair.

Peter hummed on your mouth and continued kissing you. Now he had both hands on your body, holding you tightly by the waist.

Maybe you could take him to another room, maybe you could feel his hands on you without the burden of your clothes.

His vice grip on you made you feel like floating and you suddenly wondered why you hadn’t made out with Peter before. It didn’t have to be anything serious, it didn’t have to go past messing around.

He was attractive, so were you. Why hadn’t you seen it before? Why had you denied yourself this when he was so good at kissing and his touch was so rough you were sure he would leave marks? And you wanted him to do it, you wanted him to let himself loose on you.

Fuck, you were getting horny over your fake boyfriend.

And as if he knew exactly what was going on inside your hazy mind, he attached his lips to your neck. It was over, you were done — it would be a failure if you didn’t manage to take him to a private room or back to your apartment.

Resting a hand on his thigh as you pushed yourself over, you felt the vibration of his throat as he whimpered while you kissed him.

Something buzzed under your hand, prompting both of you to part. Panting, you stared at each other for a moment. His hair was a mess and he had never looked prettier.

He withdrew a hand from your body to take his cellphone out. You knew the mood had completely been killed when he sighed and locked the device.

“I need to do something,” he announced as he stood up. “I’ll be back.”

What? You didn’t have a chance to react, he just left you there, hot and bothered.

════════════════════════

You padded your way toward the kitchen for the second time since you had gone to bed. Sleep wasn’t necessarily elusive that night, but you found yourself waking up every hour.

Turning the lights on, you looked at the time. Almost 4:00 am. You filled a glass with water and slowly drank it.

You knew the tough day you had with your family was still doing a number on you even though you had left early, you also knew you should have been used to it by now.

Tapping against glass took you out of your mind, bringing you goosebumps. As the sound continued, you realized it was coming from the living room.

You considered going back to your room and locking yourself up which sounded safer, but curiosity overpowered logic.

A figure loomed over the windowpane. You wondered if your mind was tricking you — you lived in the fifth floor.

The figure became clearer as you got closer to the window. You let out a relieved sigh. Spider-Man waved. You tilted your head — why would Spider-Man want to visit you?

Maybe he was hurt and needed help.

You opened the window. “Can I help you?”

He nodded upward, letting you know he needed to come in. You let him, moving to the side.

He took the liberty to close the window once he was inside. You stood before him, assuming he would verbally tell you what he needed.

He wasn’t hurt from what you could see. He walked just fine, his breath wasn’t ragged... You were more confused now.

Reaching to the back of his head, Spider-Man took the mask off. Brown eyes bore into yours.

“You wanted to know what I was hiding...” Peter trailed off.

“You’re joking.”

He stepped closer to you. “I’m not.”

He had to. His sense of humor wouldn’t match a joke like this, but he had to.

The suit didn’t look like a cheap costume, but there had to be another explanation. Yes, it made sense — every time he disappeared out of nowhere and worried you sick, those days he sported black eyes or cuts on his face... but you didn’t want this to be the truth.

You dragged your finger down his arm to feel the texture of the suit.

Peter took a deep breath.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

“It’s okay, baby,” he huskily said. When he got no answer, Peter added, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you baby.”

You inhaled deeply. “I get it, you’re getting used to it.”

He hummed, eyes on you as he sighed.

You placed your hand on his bicep. “Are you okay, Pete? I’m not going to tell anybody if that’s what worries you.”

His hands found their place on your waist. You leaned closer, seeking his warmth. Peter opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it.

He leaned in and kissed you, tentative as he gave you time to push him off you. But you didn’t, why would you?

You ran your hand through his hair as you kissed him back, already familiar with the shape of his lips and the warmth of his mouth.

He pushed you onto the wall as he shoved his tongue inside your mouth. His kiss became sloppy while his hands started wandering down.

He gripped your thighs, bringing your legs up so you’d wrap them around his waist. Both of you ground against the other, sloppily kissing. You could hear the sound your mouths were making and feel his hot breath on your face.

He was driving you crazy.

Peter didn’t stop there. Giving you room to breathe, he lowered his mouth to your neck where he took his time to find your sweet spot.

You felt his fingers up your thigh, where he played with the edge of your sleeping shorts.

He kissed, sucked, and licked his way up to your ear. “Is this okay?”

You hummed against his mouth before kissing him again pawing at his suit, desperate to feel his skin under your fingertips. Frustrated, you broke the kiss. “How do you even take this thing off?”

He chuckled and gave you another kiss. “I’ll teach you.”

“Are you gonna strip for me?” you joked. Why were you making jokes right now?

Peter tilted his head. “Is that what you want?”

The idea wasn’t bad at all, yet you answered truthfully, “I just want to touch you.”

He didn’t deny you anything that morning. You couldn’t remember the last time you enjoyed yourself that much with a sexual partner.

You didn’t leave an inch of his body untouched, relishing in his reactions. He wasn’t ashamed to tell you if he liked something, or to ask you to touch him firmly.

Peter didn’t hold back either. All he wanted was you and you weren’t complaining. He gripped you tightly and sucked on your skin as much as he was able to.

There would be bruises on you by the next day, and there would be scratches on him if his powers didn’t heal him quickly.

You liked this side of him, the side that fucked you into the mattress and groaned above you. He wasn’t scared of breaking you or hurting you — for a moment you wondered how it would feel if he did it.

He came on your belly then cleaned you up afterwards which was more than appreciated. You weren’t even sure you could speak properly when he asked if you needed water.

He brought you a glass either way, of course he did.

The sun was up when you were done, too tired to move and too spent to complain. Peter was back on the bed, warm body pressed against yours.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No,” you tiredly answered. “I’m good.”

He held you tighter, laying his head on your chest.

You lazily dragged your fingers down his spine. “Is everything okay?”

“It was a long night,” he told you in a low voice.

You chose to believe he had visited because he thought you could provide him comfort, and you also decided that you always could — that you were okay with doing so. Even if most things about your relationship were fake, this one didn’t have to be.

════════════════════════

Peter and you never talked about it, and although you would have liked to hear the reasons behind his actions that night, you didn’t need to because it continued happening.

Having sex made pretending easier. He always had an arm around you or a hand on your body around your friends and by now you not only were used to his touch but sought it.

You often woke up next to him, sometimes clothed and sometimes naked. He always woke up before you, but he never left immediately. You wanted to know why.

Flash had been right to assume you’d develop a crush on Peter and now you had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t just a crush anymore.

You worried about him and wanted to be around him every second of every day, you liked hearing him tell you about his classes and his day — you liked that he always asked about yours, that he was willing to drop things for you because you would drop everything to be there for him.

Covering for him became a reflex. You had an inkling that May knew you were lying sometimes, but she never said anything according to Peter.

Your friends were happy with the development of your relationship which would have been lovely if this was real. But now you worried that the supposed breakup would disrupt your friend group.

It was hard not to think about it. The day would surely come and you’d be by yourself most of the time again. As if that was the only problem.

And problems continued rolling onto you. The last person you expected to see was at your door.

Harry gave you a smoldering look as you stood speechless. “Are you letting me in?”

You did.

He sat down on the couch, making himself at home even though he had barely visited your apartment.

“I thought you were sick,” he said in reference to the fact that you cancelled plans with your friends the day before.

“I was busy.”

Disgust contorted his face as his eyes fell on your neck. “Busy fucking my best friend?”

You flinched at his tone.

“I should’ve known you were only spending time with him because you wanted to get him into your bed.”

He said it as though you were the type of person to fuck anybody you met, as though you hadn’t rejected people because they weren’t him specifically.

“Believe it or not,” you coldly lied, “I started dating him months and not days before your birthday. You would’ve known about it if you talked to me.”

“Rubbing it on my face, aren’t you? Do you know how embarrassing it was to hear you were making out with him at my house after I told my friends multiple times that you were off limits?” He was seething, expelling droplets of saliva as he reproached you.

“Why would you do that in the first place? You knew I’d end up dating somebody who goes to the same school as us.”

“Why would you go for my best friend specifically? Don’t you care about my relationship with him?”

“Is this what our friendship has come to be? A reproaching fest?”

“You’re the one who crossed the line.”

“Harry, you didn’t have a problem when half our friend group drooled over him!”

“Because that’s different. I know Peter, he’s not right for you.”

You incredulously scoffed. “Funny how you’re the only one who says that.”

“I’ve never been wrong about the guys you’ve dated.”

Well, you couldn’t argue against that. But Flash was right, those guys hadn’t been the problem — the fact that you compared them to Harry was.

“Let time prove either of us right.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“What?”

“You promised nobody would ever be more important than me.”

You both promised a lot of things as kids... that you would never bring dates to an event you could attend together, that you would attend the same college, that you would be part of the same friend group your entire lives, that you would tell each other everything...

“I’m not saying Pete is more important than you, I’m j—“

“Break up with him, then.”

“You’re making it sound like I have to choose between you and him.”

“Because you have to.” When he didn’t get an answer, he added. “I’ll give you time to think it through.”

You wanted to do anything but think. You wanted to have your best friend back — you didn’t care if he was jealous anymore, you never should have. You weren’t Liz, it was okay, he liked her and you liked somebody else.

“Harry, come on...”

But Harry walked himself out and forced your words to die in your throat.

You never thought he would be as angry as you wanted him to be. You got your anger and your jealousy and your dilemma. He had it all clear, you were the idiot who had to get into this mess.

A shower and a portion of your comfort food later, you decided that you couldn’t be inside your head right now and left your apartment.

It was drizzling. Such a perfect weather to be inside doing everything or nothing alike.

You loved being by yourself at your place. The plan for the day had been just that. But as always, Harry made you change them.

Chastising yourself for forgetting your phone at home, you knocked on the door in front of you.

The door opened and you were greeted with a smile.

You wished you could’ve smiled back. “Hi, May, is Peter home?”

She motioned for you to come in. “He’s in his room. Do you want something to drink?”

“Not now, thank you.”

You knocked on his door, hoping he would answer before May could tell something was wrong with you.

Peter yelled for you to come in. You were an idiot, he probably had heard you talking to his aunt.

Pushing the door open, you stuck your head in. “It’s me,” you softly said just to make sure you had his permission to come in.

“Come in, baby.”

God, not that pet name. Not now.

You closed the door behind you before facing him. He was sat at his desk, writing something down on a notebook as he looked at the computer screen.

Approaching him, you leaned in to see what he was doing. You didn’t understand much of it, science was his thing.

He rotated the chair to face you. “What’s up? You didn’t text me...”

“Forgot my phone at home.”

Peter frowned and dropped his pen on top of the notebook before standing up to move towards his bed. “Are you alright?”

Did you look that bad? You weren’t wearing makeup, but he had seen your bare face plenty of times to be weirded out.

“Can I have a hug?”

Now sat on the bed, Peter opened his arms and legs so you’d make yourself at home between them.

And you did. You hugged yourself to him as tightly as you could, afraid he would let go at any moment.

He didn’t let go, you should have known he wouldn’t — your mind was playing tricks with you, that was it.

“What happened? Why are you upset?”

You didn’t have the heart to tell him. Not yet, not when you were scared he would cut you off from his life just because Harry thought it was for the best.

“Had a long day yesterday and didn’t want to be alone today,” you mumbled.

“Why don’t we watch a movie?” he offered. “I’ll let you pick which one we watch while I go get some snacks.”

You whined. “I don’t wanna move.”

“It’s just like ten minutes. We’ll cuddle the entire runtime.”

“You promise?”

He kissed your forehead. “I promise.”

It amazed you how easy it was to trust him, to like him, to want to be with him no matter the moment or the activity.

It took you longer to pick a movie than it took him to come back. You didn’t want any snacks, but you still took them because you didn’t want him to worry too much.

You would worry on your own later.

Peter hugged you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. His hands rested on your belly as he watched the movie, giving you butterflies every time he laughed against your skin.

How were you supposed to give this up when it felt so good?

════════════════════════

Mary Jane sat across from you, playing with the glass between her hands. She was listening to you, but by the way she was tapping her fingers against the glass, she was dying to interrupt.

You went on and on because you still couldn’t believe Harry would make you choose between him and somebody else. It didn’t even make sense when he had thrown you and Peter to the side when he started dating Liz.

When her time came, Mary Jane spoke, “You shouldn’t care about what Harry says.”

“I care more about the fact that I ran to Peter like a fucking idiot.”

“He’s your boyfriend.”

You knew she was trying to be the voice of reason, but no, he wasn’t. That made it worse. “But doesn’t it make it look like I already chose?”

“Kinda,” she conceded. “But that’s not a bad thing necessarily.”

“Harry and I grew up together.”

“And Peter fucks you stupid. They have different roles in your life.”

You remained silent. Your cup was already empty and you didn’t need more caffeine. In fact, a soothing tea would have been a better choice — you needed to drive after this once your sister was done with her friends.

“Do you still like Harry or something? I will kill you if you say yes.”

You got that from her tone, she didn’t have to tell you. “I don’t know.”

“But you like Peter more... Right?”

“Yeah, I do.” Maybe liking was selling it short at this point.

Peter didn’t make you choose, and if anything between you were real he wouldn’t make you choose either. You were so sure that you would’ve bet your own life on it.

That fact was a problem. Why couldn’t Harry be like Peter?

“Maybe I need another opinion,” you mused out loud.

“Gwen will tell you the same.”

“What about Flash? Maybe if he had all the details...”

“Flash will try to convince you to kill Harry in his sleep.”

“You think so?” Of course he would, but you were desperate.

“He’s team Peter all the way. Honestly, I would think they have something going on if Peter wasn’t so into you.”

You avoided looking at her. “What should I do?”

“What do you want?”

“Just... I don’t know. About what? From what?”

“Do you want to choose?”

“No.”

“You could choose neither of them.”

“But—“ You shook your head.

“No, say it.”

“I can’t.”

Mary Jane wouldn’t pressure you to talk, she wasn’t that kind of person.

“At least tell Peter about it before Harry does,” she advised.

“I’ll tell him once I’m done here.”

It was late when your sister met you at your table. Mary Jane had left two hours earlier and you had even entertained yourself looking around a few stores and come back.

You drove in silence, allowing her to talk if she wanted to. Maybe asking something would’ve been better, but you didn’t have the energy to find out who your sister was dating or why she had decided to hide it.

Enough was already on your plate, and you needed to trust her, unlike your parents.

Stopping the car, you waited for her to get inside. Your mom hurried outside the moment she opened the door and walked towards your car.

She made you a sign with her hand, asking you to roll the window down.

With a sigh, you indulged her.

“Dinner tomorrow,” she drily told you. “You should bring Peter, I think it’s time your dad meets him.”

“Mom, I’m not marrying him or something like that.”

“I don’t care. Bring him.”

Great. Another fucking problem you had to deal with now. Your dad had always been clear on the type of person he wanted for you and Peter was not it. A shame, really.

“I’ll ask if he isn’t busy,” you compromised.

She looked happy with that. Your mom wished you a good night and turned around. You watched her get inside the house, wondering if she truly wanted you there the next day or not. You never knew with her.

You didn’t get to talk to Peter that night. Instead of telling him you wanted to see him so you could talk in person, you told him your parents wanted to have dinner with him.

Peter said yes immediately and asked about the dress code. God, you didn’t even want to think about clothes.

And with good reason — it wasn’t fair that everything suited him. There was no color or style Peter couldn’t pull off.

But it was probably for the best, he’d make a good impression that way.

You wanted your dad to like him and your sister to trust him and your mom to laugh at his lame jokes. You wanted them to see the person you desperately wanted to be in your life until your last day alive.

Truthfully, you didn’t care if he had feelings for you like you did for him. You enjoyed being around him, his friendship was enough.

The surprise the two of you got when Norman and Harry stood up to greet you was extremely hard to hide.

Norman gave you and Peter a warm smile. “I told Harry to bring his girlfriend, but he didn’t listen to me.”

You shifted on your feet, using Peter as leverage to ground yourself by squeezing his fingers between yours.

Your mom smiled tightly. “Next time it will be.”

Much like Flash did with you, Norman talked wonders about Peter to your parents.

You avoided looking at Harry with the pretense of being polite by gazing at whoever was speaking. Such gesture didn’t sit well with him and he showed it by standing up and walking towards you.

Harry inhaled deeply. “Can we talk in private?”

Unconsciously, you turned to look at Peter. He patted your thigh in encouragement.

“Sure,” you feigned enthusiasm.

You walked across the house in silence, wishing he would tell you to forget about what he said before.

Harry stared at you as you looked around the backyard. Not only were you avoiding speaking first, but you were confused as to when the lighting fixtures had been changed.

The spot you were awkwardly standing at had witnessed many secrets being exchanged between you. Perhaps it would be witness and accomplice of your fallout too.

“So you’ve made your choice.”

“Harry...”

His furious eyes bored into yours. “Why the fuck did you bring him?”

“I wanted to,” you confessed. “Mom told me I should and I agreed.”

“We never bring dates tho dinners like these. We promised,” he reminded you.

“He’s not just a date, this is different.”

“I didn’t invite Liz because I keep my promises.”

“You didn’t invite Liz because you didn’t want to.” You hated that he couldn’t own up to his mistakes with her when he loved her so much. “Stop holding a stupid promise I made when I was six against me.”

“You wouldn’t have liked it if I brought her here while you were single.”

“You stopped talking to me the moment you started dating her. I would’ve expected it.”

“So you went and tricked my best friend into a relationship.”

Was that he thought about you? That you manipulated or forced people to be around you?

“Your best friend? You barely talk to him anymore, Harry. And don’t you dare tell me it’s Liz’s fault.”

He ignored your first comment. “Now I will get in trouble with her for not taking her here if she sees pictures.”

“Call her and tell her the truth. Or blame me, I don’t care.”

“It is your fault,” he bitingly said, “you brought him to something special for us.”

“I didn’t even know you’d be here! And honestly, you should be happy for me.”

“I would be if he wasn’t my best friend.”

“Again with that...” You sighed, hoping you could find the right words. “I don’t want to choose, Harry, and it fucking hurts that you from all people are putting me in this situation God knows why.”

“I’ve told you before, it’s because Peter is—“

You interrupted him, “Peter being your best friend doesn’t matter, he’s not going to drop you like you dropped us.”

“I know I dropped you for a while, but Liz needed my attention.”

You didn’t blame him for focusing more on her, or for wanting to spend most of his time with her, but you knew for a fact that Liz made time for her friends; Harry could’ve done the same.

You started tearing up There was the problem, Harry couldn’t make time for you or Peter or Gwen even when he was free.

Harry stammered, but not a single word came out of his mouth after that. It only made you cry harder. Did he not care even a little bit?

“I’ll give you a moment alone,” he finally mumbled.

You walked further down the backyard, cursing yourself for crying and for wearing uncomfortable shoes. You were supposed to look pretty and taller, not to ruin your makeup and walk around furniture and plants.

You sat on the couch before deciding to lay down on your side. You used to do that when you were a kid too. You’d wait for the pool to be ready in that position and you would lay on your back when you wanted your mom to ask if something was wrong.

Right now, you weren’t sure what you wanted. You definitely didn’t want to talk to whoever the approaching steps belonged to.

You still looked up as a figure stood before you.

Peter crouched down and reached over to wipe your tears. The gesture made more tears come out.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, placing a hand on your waist and slipping his other hand to your back to make you sit up. He sat down beside you. “Come here.”

Peter brought you closer, making you rest your head on his shoulder.

“I don’t understand why he’s making me choose between you and him,” you lamented.

“He is?”

Fuck. You had assumed Harry had told him and that was why he was there. “I didn’t know how to tell you...”

Humming, he rubbed your arm up and down. “You can tell him the truth if you want.”

You lifted your head off his shoulder, searching for his eyes. He didn’t seem to mean it in a bad way. You shook your head.

“Are you sure? I can tell him if you want.”

“It would be pointless.”

“I don’t like seeing you cry.”

“We should change the subject then.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I just...” Peter pursed his lips, second-guessing his next words. “It pains me to see you upset.”

“Peter,” you pleaded, “don’t do this to me.”

“Don’t do what?”

“You’re making everything more difficult than it already was.”

He slanted his head, taken aback. “Because I care about you?”

“Because I think I’m in love with you.”

Peter blinked rapidly before his eyes started dancing all over your face as though he was waiting for you to say something else.

But you didn’t have much to say anymore. All your cards were on the table. Although you had to admit his lack of response would drive you insane if he continued looking at you like that.

“You don’t have to say anything,” you lied. “I’m okay with being just friends. I just thought you should know.”

“No, no, no.” He shook his head, taking himself out of his self-absorption. “I feel the same, I promise! But... I don’t want to ruin your friendship with Harry.”

“So you’re making me choose too?”

“No. I just don’t want you to regret being in a real relationship with me because you lost your best friend.”

“It wouldn’t be your fault.”

“Yeah, you’re right...” Peter looked up at the sky and huffed a laugh.

You mirrored his movement. The sky was clear, allowing you the privilege to gaze at the stars.

“Remember that night I walked you to your place and we stopped in the middle of the street to look at the stars?”

You giggled. You had been on the verge of crying that night after Harry ditched you for Liz if it hadn’t been because Gwen distracted you. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Should I have kissed you that night?”

You weren’t sure, it was hard to know if you would’ve kissed back or not. You wanted to believe you wouldn’t have, but who knew. “Does it matter?”

“No.” Peter twisted his body and cupped your cheek so you’d look at him. You softly smiled at him and he gave you a small kiss. “Not anymore.”

[nationalharryleague]

Christmas in Holmes Chapel

Pairing: Harry Styles x Y/N

Genre: Christmas fluff on top of Christmas fluff

Word count: 1.7K 

A/N: Hi everyone! This is something I wrote super quick because I was in the Christmas spirit! I was/am also quite drunk (so be nice)!! More of my better writing can be found in my masterlist and I would love to hear what you think ab this in my ask! Also shoutout to Liz (@kiwicherryallaboutharry​) and Morgan (@soullikestyles​) for beta-ing and being sweethearts!! Thank you for reading <3

***

Shouts of “they’re finally here!” were the first things she heard when Harry opened the door to his mum’s house. After two delayed flights, ten hours on a plane, and bumper to bumper traffic the entire way to Anne’s, they were in shambles. This was the first time the pair were spending Christmas with Harry’s family, and this was definitely not the way she wanted it to start. She almost started crying when Gemma took her into her arms after nearly running across the house to greet her.

“I’m so happy you two made it,” she smiled, rubbing Y/N’s tired back when she didn’t release from the hug right away. “I was afraid that you weren’t going to make it tonight.”

“I could cry, Gem. I'm so happy to be here right now,” she confessed honestly, exhaustion clear in her voice.

Gemma released her from the embrace when Harry tapped her on the shoulder. “Hello? I’m here too. Do you not miss your baby brother?” His voice dripped with sarcasm and his dimples were deep on his cheeks, as they always were when he was home.

She rolled her eyes at him, muttering sarcastically “not as much as I missed your lovely girlfriend,” before he pulled her into a hug of his own. The two were the spitting image of each other, both with their exceptionally similar smiles and adorable noses. He squeezed the smaller woman tight, enjoying their reunion after not seeing each other for at least three or four months. They were still so close, even after Harry’s move to LA to be closer to his girlfriend. Y/N had pretended more than once that she hadn’t overheard them when he would call her for relationship advice.

Looking away from the Styles siblings, she was met by Anne's bright smile paired with her wide open arms extended for a hug. “Sweetheart, it’s so good to see you!” she exclaimed with a Santa hat sitting snugly on her head, pulling her close to the woman’s warm and kind body. “There are plates of dinner made up for the two of you in the kitchen and plenty of leftovers in the fridge if you want any more.” She was naturally so caring about those around her and tonight was no different.

“Thank you so much, Anne,” she said graciously. “I’m so sorry we’re so late.”

“Oh, stop it. It’s a Christmas miracle you made it at all with the snow,” she brushed away her apologies, her voice taking a more serious turn as she locked her eyes with hers. “I’m so happy you’re here, Y/N. You’re just as much a part of our family as Harry is now.”

Y/N’s heart warmed with the kindness behind Anne’s words. There was so much love surrounding her right now, too much for her to comprehend without getting teary eyed. She was so thankful for the tenderness and care Harry’s family had shown her over the last three years. She felt at home in what used to just be a house to her; like she was a part of the family.

“Oi, stop hogging her,” Harry teased Y/N, bumping her hip lightly with his and nudging her out of the way so he could hug his mum.

“Harry Edward, I raised you to be polite. Leave the poor girl alone,” she scolded, but opened her arms up wide to receive her son. He was so much bigger than she was, seeming to swallow her body whole in his arms. Y/N couldn’t help the smile that came to her lips as she watched the two interact.

The pair of travelers were passed around the living room, giving hugs and kisses to the various aunts, uncles, cousins, and stragglers that were attending Christmas Eve dinner at Anne’s. The room was full of loud boisterous laughter and Christmas music that played off an antique record player and it smelled like wine and the remnants of a large dinner that had been eaten when they just couldn’t wait any longer for the two to arrive.

Y/N’s stomach growled without permission as soon as she saw the plates of food resting on the counter that had been waiting for them. The pair stood hovered over the plates and ate like they hadn’t seen food in weeks. At the moment, she could only think of two things she knew about Anne for sure: she knew how to raise children and she was a fantastic cook.

When she looked up and saw a spot of gravy hanging on the edge of Harry’s mouth, she just couldn’t resist. She tiptoed and pressed a short kiss to the corner of his lips, taking the gravy with her in the process. He looked down at her with a slightly surprised, but mostly loving, look after she pulled away. The edges of his lips turned up, asking “What was that for?”

“You had something,” she mused, jokingly twirling her pointer finger in the direction of her own mouth.

Before she could process it, his lips were back on hers, kissing her slowly and with so much love. His lips were soft and pillowy as always, but there was something more behind them that she just couldn’t place.

“What was that for?” she asked breathlessly when he released her, using his own words against him.

“I know I have been kind of on edge all day and I just wanted to thank you for dealing with me. I love you so much.” She couldn’t fight the grin that found its way onto her face every time he told her that he loved her. Sometimes she still couldn’t believe she had nabbed such a good one.

“I love you too. Are you alright?” She asked worriedly, noticing the way his eyebrows were nervously knit together and how his posture was slightly worsened like it always was when he was stressed.

“I’ll be okay soon.” There was more behind his words, she knew it for sure, but Harry was very good at playing it cool when he wanted to. She knew he would either tell her soon or it would resolve on its own; she trusted him to tell her what was going on if he really needed her.

Her train of thought was interrupted when Gemma stuck her head into the kitchen and announced that the annual Charades tournament was beginning. Y/N had only heard about the myth of the Charades tournament before and she was excited to find out why her boyfriend raved about it so often. Harry excitedly grabbed her hand, leading her into the crowded living room, watching as the first teams had already begun acting out and guessing.

Before long, it was Harry and Y/N’s turn to go, matched up against Gemma and her husband. She sat on the couch, assigned to play the guesser after he cockily told her ‘there's only one actor in this family,’ and watched closely as both Harry and Gemma read the clue written on the small slip of paper. Gemma gave him a playful and excited smile before extending a friendly hand for him to shake.

“You ready for this, H?” she asked, but once again, Y/N felt like there was more behind her words than friendly competition. Y/N began to think she was being kept in the dark about something, but before she could think too hard about it the pair had begun their miming.

Harry took the approach of creating a circle with his pointer and thumb, repeatedly slipping the whole he had created over his left ring finger.

“Wedding ring!” she guessed excitedly from the couch, only to be met with a shake of his head.

He then moved to get down on one knee, pretending to hold a ring box in his hands. “Asking someone to marry you!” she questioningly yelled again, only met with another shake of his head, but she could tell she was getting closer.

It was when he performed the same ring gesture while on his knee that she got it. “Engagement ring!” She nearly screamed and jumped off the couch, twirling in celebration (a symptom of always being a bit too competitive) after Harry’s face lit up and signaled they had won.

She was confused for a split second when she came back around and Harry was still on his knee, but it all made sense when she saw the real ring box that was now in his hands. Her hands flew up to her face in shock and she was unable to form coherent thoughts, let alone words.

“My love,” he began softly, “I knew I wanted you in my life forever from the moment I met you at that stupid bar. I fought Mitch so hard that night, but he dragged me along and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

She remembered that night fondly, but it had admittedly been a mess. She had just gotten dumped and so had Harry, when they found each other at the end of the bar, far away from anyone who was actually having fun, they had started talking and never stopped.

“You make me a better person,” he went on as tears had begun to roll down her cheeks, “and I never want to be who I was before I met you ever again. I love you so much and I never want to live without you. So,” he took a deep breath with hopeful eyes, “will you marry me?”

A shout of “Yes!” let her lips before he even finished, throwing herself at him and bringing him into a kiss.

It all made sense now. She understood why Harry had been so upset when their flight had been messed up, and why Gemma and Anne had been so excited to see them, and especially why he had been on edge all day. He was nervous to ask her, in the most charming and endearing way.

The crowd around them cheered when they finally stood up and their eyes locked as Harry delicately slid the ring onto her left hand. His eyes were slightly teary, but held an excitement that was unmatched. The ring was giant and beautiful, exactly what she expected from him when the time came, and she could barely tear her eyes away from it.

“This is the best Christmas present ever, H. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Thank you for reading! Reblogs/feedback are much appreciated!! 

[laufire]

RNM 3x03

Since I’m all caught up with the show now, why not resume my weekly posts.

I’m VERY wary about Rosa’s storyline, specifically in relation to Wyatt Long. Like, I cannot state how much I DO NOT WANT THIS. And look, I’ve seen the arguments. I believe in de-radicalization and harm reduction and all that jazz. But I do not want this storyline to turn into how Rosa, a WoC, has to ~teach or redeem Wyatt Long for his racist ways or whatever the fuck. I simply don’t trust this show with anything relating to race; its track record is appalling (I’m also side-eyeing the Not All Cops storyline they seem to be going for with Max). And I truly hope the speculation about them becoming romantic goes nowhere because the very thought of it makes my skin crawl, tyvm. I want plots about her powers or something. I swear I saw gifs of her and Michael having a scene, so I hope there’s something with that soon.

Kyle is getting focus! And an storyline involving his dad! And scenes with Rosa! And to express anger at others! And even a little emotional support by Isobel! I almost can’t believe it LOL. ANYWAY, I’m really looking forward to seeing more of him this season. I’ve seen speculation about both Kyluca or Kybel romances and ngl, at this point neither would bother me. It might be too many plots for the season though.

Liz needs to get in on the main plot ASAP. I was tired of seeing her side-lined in s2 and I don’t want to keep seeing it now. She’s now in Roswell so at least that’s something, but she needs to start working on the investigation, to meet Jones, etc. etc.

I like that Maria is deep in the season’s plot this year, although I hope she doesn’t overwork herself and that Liz can figure out a way to stop her brain cell degeneration. However, I don’t know what to make of Greg/Maria. They’re cute, I guess. But a.) I still don’t know if the actor is actually Indegenous like his character, and that would be TWICE in one show; and b.) he’s nice and handsome and all but I’m very meh about him. That I still like Miluca probably doesn’t help lol.

I’m LIVING for Michael’s new plot. This episode didn’t do as much with it as I would’ve liked (less freaking out about how you might be genetically evil and more excitement about your invulnerability to fire, dude) but I’ll wait patiently. He’s The Heir To The Dictator!! Who Michael’s mother spyed on, betrayed, and fought against!! He was superior powers!! Maybe immortality!! I love it all. I want to meet the Dictator ASAP (and for his actor to live up to my expectations. Fingers crossed). I want MICHAEL to meet the Dictator. In my ideal world he’d use Jones/Max’s powers to bring back Nora somehow so they can all have a family reunion lmao, but I doubt I’ll be so lucky :(. I hope I get a lot of Nora-Michael flashbacks (with him regaining his childhood memories, perhaps) and Nora-Dictator flashbacks (because I already ship them lmfao).

Jones is a lot of fun and I can’t wait to see him interact with everyone and mess with their heads. But first, for the love of all holy, SHAVE THAT BEARD (he probably will so he can impersonate Max at some point, but seriously. I mean it. SHAVE IT). Also, his conversations with Isobel and Max reinforce my theory that, perhaps, their mental link is because Nora & Louise used her powers to control Max as a kid (when he says something like, “oh, you think you’re connected to them...”).

Once again, fandom’s reaction to Alex saying anything positive about Maria makes me want to ask them if they’ve ever met real people añlsdkfja. They’re friends! He likes her! As a person! And maybe as a strange form of what-if!! It’s pretty damn simple and obvious to see!! He’s only supposed to hate her because she’s some HomewreckerTM in YOUR heads LMAO. Anyway, I’m not a big fan of Malex, mostly for the fandom; but admittedly, it won some points this week because of Alex’s certainty that Michael couldn’t be the one dead in the vision, because there’s NO WAY he would’ve covered it up if Michael was the victim. I also believe he wouldn’t have if it was someone Michael loved as much as Liz loved Rosa, let alone hid it from Michael. Take notes, Max xDD

Re: the mystery. As of now my #1 guess is Walt, with the flowers and the song hints. It’s... pretty absurd nobody proposed that posibility tbh. I hope he isn’t because I’m super fond of him and his dynamic with Michael, but I’m more afraid of other posibilities like Kyle. I think the visions would work differently if it was a member of the group (more concerned about other things, basically. Hopefully), but maybe they weren’t clear on who it was at the beginning and decided later on, so. idk.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x10-- And the violence spread.

So, that’s it for season five. I’m still trying to sort out how I feel about the season as a whole and Wackner’s arc. I’m hopeful that writing this will help me decide.

This episode has a Previously, and it’s rather conventional. I’m guessing it’s here to bookend the season, with conveying information being only a secondary objective.  

Did we see Rivi scream, “You’re done, Wacko, you’re done! Canceled! Canceled!” in the last episode or is that new to this previously? I feel like I absolutely would’ve had things to say about a) Wackner being called “Wacko,” which has been RIGHT THERE this whole time, and b) the use of “Canceled,” which is a thing Rivi would never say but is VERY thematic (you know, cancel culture and also Wackner having a TV show and also this being a TV show that’s wrapping up* Wackner’s arc).

* The way things end this episode, I’d say we’re done with Wackner. The Kings have said they aren’t sure about the plan for season six, so never say never, but I think that if we see Wackner again, it will be as part of a different arc.  

I went back to 5x09 and while we do see the same shots of Rivi screaming, whatever he’s saying in 5x09 is in Spanish. So either he was saying this in Spanish or the dialogue here is totally new.  

I’m a little sad that I knew in advance Robert King had directed this episode, because I want to know how long it would’ve taken me to guess. I’d like to think this first shot, of Diane flopping down on her bed in a very pretty floral print dress, then Kurt flopping down in the opposite direction, would’ve given it away. We usually don’t get shots that are both striking and kinda balanced unless RK’s directing.  

This also has some big season three opener vibes—the scene where Diane turns to Kurt and says, “I’m happy,” thus jinxing the entire season.  

Diane and Kurt are about to go on vacation, which means, of course, that Diane and Kurt are definitely not about to go on vacation. I’ve watched 12 seasons of this show; I know all the tricks!  

If I didn’t get it from the initial staging of the opening shot, the camera panning to Diane and Kurt’s suitcases and then back would’ve been another clue that RK directed. He ALWAYS has the camera in motion.  

I love that Diane’s travel outfit is a dress you could wear to a fancy party and a statement necklace. Of course it is.

And if I needed evidence that RK and MK wrote this episode (which I didn’t; it is a finale so I knew they wrote it), Diane quoting Waiting for Godot is a clue there.  

I really should read Waiting for Godot, shouldn’t I?  

“Wow. Educated and a good lay,” Kurt responds. I know that the political stuff between Diane and Kurt can get more than a little murky, but banter like this reminds me why they stay together and why politics never drive them apart. Also, it’s really nice to see Diane and Kurt have some fun banter that isn’t about politics.  

And Diane making kissing noises and asking Kurt to meet her halfway! This just feels like I’m spying on someone’s private life and I love it. Not in a voyeuristic way, since this is actually a little uncomfortably private, but in a, “ah, yes, these do feel like real people” way. This is the kind of “a little goes a long way” character moment I always want more of, and Kings episodes ALWAYS include stuff like this.

And there it is. The phone rings as Diane and Kurt are about to start out for the airport. Diane thinks the call must be for Kurt, but it’s for her. It’s a very flustered Liz, informing her that STR Laurie’s execs are on their way to the office for a surprise visit.

If the Diane/Kurt scene didn’t tell me that Robert King directed, I almost certainly would’ve gotten it from the sudden cut to Liz, walking through the hallways and doing a million things at once with a ton of background noise. No one loves chaos the way Robert King loves chaos.  

This episode STRONGLY reminds me of the Wife season five finale. It is equally chaotic and also spins a ton of plates. But, mostly, the similarity I see between the two episodes is that they are both extremely fun and captivating to watch because of how much momentum they have, but everything just feels slightly hollow and not exactly focused on the thing you want to see.  

(Shout out to my friend Ryan, who messaged me the 5x22 comparison before I could message it to him!)  

I decided I should rewatch the first few minutes of 5x22. I am now 15 minutes into 5x22 of Wife and 2 minutes into 5x10 of Fight. Oops.  

Apparently, STR Laurie planned a surprise visit because they heard RL was dysfunctional. You don’t say!  

I felt like 5x09 concluded with STR Laurie being won over by Allegra and the RL team, so this is a bit of a surprising place to start the episode. But, since Diane seems surprised too, I’ll allow it.  

Now Liz and Diane have 90 minutes to agree on a financial plan! Kurt’s on the phone with the airline before Diane even hangs up with Liz.  

Diane is determined not to lose out on her vacation and asks Kurt to change the flight to 8:00. “Kurt, we are going on this vacation if it kills me!” is a line I would worry was foreshadowing on basically any other show.

The RL/STRL PowerPoint template is pretty ugly. They want to call 2021 their best year yet, thanks to the deal between Rivi and Plum Meadow Farms we saw last week. Even though we saw champagne and signatures, the deal isn’t done yet because Plum Meadow can back out if Rivi goes to jail.

RK also loves close-ups more than any other director on the show; I do not love close-ups.  

The Plum Meadow deal is such a big deal that for the quarter, they go from $45 million to $5 million without it. They should just not say numbers. I can believe it’s big enough to take them from a modest profit to being behind projections or whatever, but I can’t believe that they have $5 million in other business and $40 million on this one deal.  

It seems that Rivi was arrested. I don’t think it is ever said in this episode why. I assume the arrest relates to his behavior in Wackner’s court, since there were police officers there, and I suppose that Rivi is a big enough deal the police would actually take him to real court, but are we not going to address the weirdness of Rivi being arrested in a fake court where his employees are being tried, then taken to a real court by the same people who just an episode ago were disillusioned with real court? This seems like a plot point.

Carmen on a frantic phone call in the backseat of a car feels very 7x22.  

Who is James that Carmen has in her contacts!? And why does everyone always put Liz in their contacts as “Elizabeth Reddick” when everyone calls her Liz?  

Carmen calls Marissa to go argue in Vinetta’s court since she’s on Rivi duty. Carmen doesn’t take Marissa’s job in Wackner’s court seriously and then notes that this instruction is coming straight from Liz, so Marissa falls in line.  

Wackner’s case of the week is about rural Illinois wanting to form its own state separate from Chicago. There’s a farmer who feels like his tax money is only going to the big city and he wants it to stay in his community.  

They’ve just now added stage lighting to the set of Wackner Rules, dunno why they wouldn’t have done that earlier!

I don’t know what standing you’d have to have to bring a case about wanting to divide the state in two to court, or if this is even something a court would or should decide, but, sure, Wackner and Cord, go for it. There are no rules!  

This map splitting Illinois into two new states that Cord is holding is a dumb prop because Galena, where this farmer is from, is in the same section as Chicago. Do I pause every reference to Chicago on this show and then google information to see if the writers bothered to look it up or pretend they’ve ever set foot in Chicago? You know I do.

“Secession!” the audience screams. Does the audience of Wackner Rules really want to see this?

A Good Fight Short! And it really is short: “Stop this obsession with secession and breaking up the Union. It’s boring and it’s dumb, end of song.” I feel like that’s the thesis statement for this episode, or one of them (that this episode seems to have about ten thesis statements is kind of my problem with this episode, tbh). This episode is very much about danger of things becoming too fractured—the COTW, the copycat courts, the firm drama—and I feel like the writers come around to just saying no, this is enough, we need structure and consistency.

But more on that later. MUCH more on that later.

Marissa is swearing more because “the world has required it.” She notes this to Wackner as she calls him out on the secession case. Cord barges in.

Take a look at the employee of the month poster on the back of the door at 5:39. Then at 5:40, look at what’s in the box just to the right of the center of the screen: it’s an employee of the month poster with Wackner on it! Cute easter egg. (Would Marissa definitely notice this and have questions? Yes. Is this here as a cute easter egg for eagle-eyed fans? Almost certainly.)  

“Insane is just one step away from reality if you get people to believe, and you know what makes people believe? TV.” Cord explains when Marissa asks how they can possibly be litigating this case. That’s thesis statements two and three, folks. The first is that if you get people to believe, then anything is possible, which sounds like a tagline for a Disney movie but is actually super dangerous; the second is that reality TV is a way to persuade people and change opinions.  

So we’ve got: (1) Factions are bad. (2) People are persuadable and the rules don’t actually matter. (3) Reality TV changes minds. Let’s see if there are more.

(Yes, these theses do kind of add up to a whole—The rules don’t matter, so if you persuade people, through reality tv, you get factions of people believing their own sets of rules and facts—but what I'm interested in tracking throughout this episode is how well the writers actually bring these theses together.)

(And this is setting aside that key themes in previous episodes, that I think many of us were looking for resolution on, included outlining the flaws with the extant “real” justice system and exploring the role of prison in the justice system. From this episode, I don’t think the writers ever intended to really tackle either of those issues. That’s fine—I'm not sure that TGF has something to say about prison abolition and I don’t want a thought experiment where the writers actually try to fix the legal system—but feels a bit disjointed. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but 5x08 and 5x09 needed to do a better, clearer job of setting up this finale. The key themes of Wackner’s arc were always present, but they needed to slowly narrow the scope so the resolution felt inevitable and clear. Instead, we spent time on things like parking spaces (when we could’ve had a real plot about how Wackner’s court gains legitimacy through violence, incarceration, and playing on people’s frustration with the real systems) and Del’s focus groups (when we could’ve instead done a plot about Wackner gaining fans who wanted to use his methods to do ill). Everything I just mentioned in the parentheticals is in the show! It’s not subtext! We see it all! We see Cord use violence and prisons to enforce Wackner’s rulings; we see the cops turn to Wackner out of frustration; we see that the people drawn to Wackner Rules and to Wackner’s court are increasingly sounding more and more like right-wing populists! I can’t be too hard on this arc because, again, all these ideas are there. I’m not coming up with them on my own!)

I’m just saying: this ending would’ve been a lot clearer and a lot more interesting had the writers focused on what I mentioned above instead of the distractions of the last two episodes.  

Whew, that was a ramble. Hope you’re ready for more rambles.

On a similar note, I’d like to reiterate my problems with how the writers used Marissa after the private prison reveal. I don’t have much more to say than what I wrote last week, but it’s another example of the same problem. Marissa objecting to Wackner’s court because she notices what it’s becoming and how Cord plans to use it for political gain (two Illinoises (??) changes the Senate and the Electoral College...) always was going to be part of the endgame. Marissa only seriously objecting after the fourth or fifth line Wackner crosses feels bizarre.  

Cord does NOT like that there is another court, and wants to protect Wackner’s IP. Wackner, as we saw last episode, does not feel threatened by the other court. In fact, he seems to be excited by it.  

I love Liz questioning Diane’s outfit like it’s unprofessional. It’s a little low-cut and showy, but I don’t think unprofessional is the word I’d use for it.  

Now they have 45 minutes to decide The Future Of The Firm and Diane wants to be considered a name partner. Oh, that debate is still raging?! Every time I think it’s done it comes back, which should probably be a sign to Diane that her options are to leave and start something new, jettison Madeline and the others, or step down. Staying on as name partner and calling it a black firm is just not an option.  

“Diane, there is a split in the firm that...” Liz starts, before asking some associates to leave the room. Ha! The reveal Liz and Diane aren’t alone is a pretty fun touch.

“The Black equity partners don’t want to be in your work group,” Liz informs Diane. “Because they think they’ll be punished by this firm?” Diane asks. “No, that’s paranoia. We don’t punish here,” Liz responds. “Of course you do. My fracking client. My union client. The Black lawyers who work on those cases—they're considered traitors” Diane says. “Because those CEOs are racists,” Liz counters.

Lots going on here, and I’m not sure I understand it all. Why would the equity partners—who are partners—feel like they’re being punished by being in Diane’s work group? (And also what does a “work group” mean and why haven’t they talked about it in the past?) When Diane starts talking about the lawyers who staff her clients, she’s not talking about equity partners; she is talking about associates.

And people are giving associates shit for working on Diane’s clients whom they happen to be staffed on!? That’s sad, though believable.

“So what do we do? Only bring in clients who can pass the racial smell test?” Diane asks. I mean, actually, yes. IF the goal is to be a black firm and to have that designation mean something in moral terms rather than marketing terms, then yes.  

“It’s okay if you’re a drug kingpin like Rivi, but it’s not okay if you want me as lead attorney?” Diane says. Also, yes. Diane makes good points here.  

“Diane, this is not about you,” Liz counters. Um, sure, but it has to be about something, Liz. Unless you’re trying to build a firm you don’t control that makes 88% of its revenue from a drug dealer (40 million out of 45 million this quarter = 88%; I told you they shouldn’t give me numbers) but happens to have black people in charge, you have to grapple with this question. I don’t think anyone who’s fighting for the firm to be a black-led (not owned, bc STRL) business is the type of person who thinks that having a black-led firm that does all the same shit as any other firm is in itself a good thing, so you NEED to address your client list. Madeline is anti-Rivi, anti-Cord, anti-Wolfe-Coleman (the rapist guy), pro-social justice, and pro having a black led firm.  

“I mean, why... why do white people personalize this?” Liz asks. “Oh, now I’m just a white person?” Diane responds. I... don’t know what to do with this! Liz is right that Diane is taking this personally; Diane is right that Liz needs to deal with the rest of the client list. But no one is saying the things that REALLY need to be said: That all their decisions are meaningless in the shadow of STRL, and that deciding to be a black led firm isn’t the end of the discussion if they haven’t decided what types of clients they want to have.  

“What happened, Liz? Last year we were intent on an all-female-run law firm,” Diane starts. Oh, THIS AGAIN! Diane never learns, does she? She never seems to realize that no one she’s approached with this idea is NEARLY as in love with it as she is. She probably still wonders to herself why Alicia—who partnered with her at the end of season seven basically just because it was the easiest, most frictionless thing to do—didn't seem more committed to their firm.  

“Diane, there is history here that we are trying to...” Liz says, but Diane cuts in to note that women (women like Diane Lockhart!) have history too! In fact, she’s spent “35 years fighting gender discrimination to get to this position.” “And we have spent 400 years fighting racial discrimination to try and, you know...” Liz starts, before cutting herself off to get back to the ticking clock.

Sigh. Just talk about the actual thing instead of talking around the thing, guys. Diane is obviously deserving of A name partnership, in the abstract. This is an undeniable fact. And while Diane is definitely making this about herself rather than the big picture, I don’t think Liz trying to trump Diane’s 35 year career with the history of black people is going to win her any arguments? Like, just say what you mean and say it clearly. What Liz, I think, wants to express is that Diane’s individual accomplishments aren’t the issue here and everyone thinks she’s deserving (though Liz suggested Diane was not deserving a few episodes ago, which I didn’t understand then and don’t understand now). The problem is that Diane is trying to fight a battle that’s about something much larger than herself with, “but I'm a good lawyer!”  

And that’s KIND OF what Liz is saying here, if I add all her sentences up and read between the lines, but, again, why not just say it?  

“Alright, now we have 43 minutes to fix race relations, gender relations. STR Laurie’s gonna fire our asses, and you know it,” Liz says. I am curious what that would look like. Wouldn’t that just mean that STRL wouldn’t control them anymore? I’m sure being fired would be bad and all, but wouldn’t it free them from the contract they wanted out of last year?  

“Let’s split the firm down the middle. I hire half the lawyers, you hire the other half,” Diane suggests. What does this mean? Why are you hiring your employees? Huh?

“You hire the white associates, and I hire the black associates?” Liz confirms. This seems like a very bad idea that would make things a lot worse and open them up to lawsuits! I also still do not know what they’re even talking about. And I don’t know why Allegra isn’t a part of this conversation.

“I’m not saying it’s good. I’m just saying it’s what we’re left with. It's what we can agree on,” Diane says. I really wish I understood what “hire” meant in this context because I don’t understand why they have to split anything or why this has to be done now and I don’t understand why this would possibly be a good solution. Can you imagine the backlash when people realize all the white people report to Diane and all the black people to Liz and that people were taken off of the accounts they’ve worked on for years to accomplish this? And this must be something that the employees would know about eventually; otherwise they could just randomly assign half to Liz and half to Diane.  

I’m sad Madeline isn’t in this episode because I feel like we needed to see more of her POV as well as the associate POV. I don’t really understand the divides at play within the firm or what the staff and other partners are asking for, but I suspect it isn’t this.

Hallucination Jesus is back, and at least there’s actually a point to him this time (he shows up when Jay is in Vinetta’s court and reminds Jay that Vinetta will rule based on her religious beliefs). I still dislike the hallucinations.

Jay advises Marissa, who is Jewish, to talk a lot about Jesus in her defense.  

Charmaine Bingwa is really great as Carmen, and obviously she is not fluent in Spanish, but it’s so funny to me that the only time you can hear that she’s Australian is when she’s trying to say Oscar like she’s speaking Spanish.  

"I know you’re hiding something when you speak English,” Rivi says to Carmen. Heh.  

“Community court” is such a nice, unthreatening term for referring to Wackner and his copy cats. Thanks for that, Carmen!

It’s a smart plan to mention Jesus a lot, I guess, but Jay and Marissa both should’ve realized that Vinetta is too smart to tolerate obvious pandering. I’m a little surprised Jay doesn’t get up and argue since Marissa is, obviously, not familiar with the New Testament.  

Marissa wins this round with facts and logic.

Why is the judge who was handling Rivi’s previous charge now in bond court? Make it make sense.

I like that Carmen calls out the ASA for swearing hahaha  

Why... would this Matteo kid just casually mention he was holding a gun, omg.  

In Vinetta’s court, you can be charged with murder and tried because... you had a gun and also there were murders at other times. Coolcoolcool no problems here.

Community courts for civil cases? Sure. That’s basically arbitration. Community courts for criminal cases? Bad, bad, bad idea.  

Vinetta’s reasoning: “Those murders happened on our street, and the police haven’t convicted anyone because they don’t care. We care. This is self-defense. And how is it different from your court?” Aside from the whole imprisoning people in her basement thing, Vinetta’s not wrong. I almost brought this up last week but hesitated because I couldn’t remember the details enough to decide if I wanted to recommend it, but there’s a book I read a few years ago that seems relevant here: Ghettoside by Jill Leovy. Again, been a while so don’t take this as a wholehearted endorsement or anything, but from what I remember, the central issue at the heart of the book (it’s non-fiction) is that a poor black community (I think in LA?) doesn’t trust the police (in part) because the police don’t solve murders, and then with no way of getting justice through the court system, there’s more violence as a stand-in for justice. https://www.vox.com/2016/8/26/12631962/ghettoside-jill-leovy-black-crime

I’m not sure if that’s QUITE what Vinetta is saying but it seems similar, and it’s a decent point (though not a justification for her court). Why should she trust the system to improve her community when it’s ignored her community for years?

I like that the writers chose two very different, very understandable characters for their community courts. It’s easy to see why Wackner and Vinetta feel the need for alternative courts; it’s easy to see why others would trust them. This arc doesn’t really work unless there’s a legitimate frustration with existing systems...  

Marissa calls Wackner’s court a “joke,” which she should understand by now isn’t the case. (Marissa’s smart; she knew it wasn’t a joke the second she saw David Cord get involved.)  

Vinetta accuses Wackner of copying her court, which alarms Marissa. This isn’t addressed again, and I don’t know if it’s true! I could really go either way on this. On the one hand, I absolutely believe that Wackner saw/heard about it, liked it, and did it himself without thinking much of it—and if this is the case, then the ending where Vinetta gets in trouble for violating Wackner’s IP is a lot more of a gut punch. On the other hand, I don’t really feel like the seeds for this were planted. We see Wackner innovate a lot and try new things and he has an explanation for why he does everything—how much of that is Vinetta? And Vinetta clearly watches the show and likes it or she wouldn’t have recognized Marissa, so it’s a little hard for me to just believe her claim when literally all I know about her is she has a court that looks like Wackner’s and she is aware of and feels positively towards Wackner rules. Also, Wackner knows about Vinetta’s court (from Marissa) and sounded excited about it last episode. Sure, he didn’t necessarily know which one it was, exactly, but I assume if he’d copied the idea and then heard about a case involving people from the exact same community where he found the idea... his reaction would be different. So IDK. My reasons for doubting Vinetta’s claim are probably based a little too much in things I’m not meant to spend that much time paying attention to.  

“I fucked up. It’s in the same court, but now it’s a murder case,” Marissa tells Diane. I do like hearing characters admit when they fucked up!  

Diane hears that STRL is delayed, so she heads out to help Matteo. When she goes to change into her pantsuit, she finds that she’s grabbed Kurt’s bag by mistake. “Of course. That makes sense,” she reacts.  

Diane pushes her flight to the next day, also telling Kurt, “And yes, for some reason, I took your suit instead of mine, so fuck it.” I love it when the characters feel like real people.  

I am not sure why Kurt is getting to the office when Diane is leaving or why Kurt is there—to pick Diane up on the way to the airport, maybe?

Carter Schmidt walks into RL at the worst possible time, threating to blow up the Plum Meadow deal. Another 5x10 to Wife 5x22 similarity: he’s in both episodes.  

Liz heads out to help Carmen with Rivi, and then STRL arrives. Oops.  

Credits!

One thing about Wackner’s court that should definitely be a warning sign even though it seems noble: he ignores just about every warning sign, like this rowdy crowd screaming WE LOVE YOU WACKNER or the potential interests at play in a case about secession, because he thinks his fair judgement can overcome these obstacles. If the world worked that way, there’d be no need for his court in the first place.

Is anyone representing the State of Illinois in this trial? If not, then... how is it happening?  

Dr. Goat, some dude who claims to have some hidden historical document about how Illinois is actually two states, is clearly making stuff up and yet Wackner indulges him and Cord. I feel about this the same way as I feel about the Devil’s Advocate: That Wackner would not allow this to go on for more than five seconds before calling bullshit and therefore there is no reason I should have to sit through it.

Why is some guy screaming, “No taxation without representation” like dude you absolutely have representation. But of course, I’m expecting him to be logical, and the point is that he is not.

Dr. Goat’s Latin phrases—shock!-- don’t actually translate into anything like what he said. Even though this information is verifiable by a quick google search, the crowd starts screaming “Liar!!!!” at Marissa. If only I could say this felt unrealistic.

Wackner asks Dr. Goat to bring in the document.  

“You look like you’re heading to the beach,” Vinetta says to Diane, who looks like she’s heading somewhere but definitely not to the beach. Vinetta asks where Diane was headed on vacation. Diane says she’s headed to Lake Como, and unnecessarily clarifies that “It’s in Italy.” She assumes Vinetta doesn’t know that... but Vinetta does.

“So you’ve been there before?” Vinetta probes when Diane says it’s beautiful there. “Just once. We don’t get away often. We thought we’d splurge,” Diane says. Vinetta stares at her and smiles, and Diane hits her head on a basket that’s hanging in Vinetta’s kitchen. If I just write out the dialogue here, it sounds like a perfectly average conversation, but everything about this conversation is so charged: Diane is afraid to look like a wealthy white woman; Vinetta’s pleasantness is pretty clearly also a way of sizing up Diane.  

Vinetta shows Diane pictures of neighborhood children and young adults killed as a consequence of gang violence. You can see she’s not trying to do anything other than help her community, even if her methods are highly questionable.

Diane argues that Matteo should be given over to the police; Vinetta disagrees: “The police haven’t arrested anyone for those murders, any of these. Since the BLM movement, they’ve pulled back from our streets. No one’s coming to help. That’s why I started this court. It’s not a joke to us.” Wait I’m sorry did Vinetta just blame lack of good detective work in black communities on... the BLM movement?!?!?! Is there any foundation to this!? Why can’t it just be that the police weren’t actually doing a good job of policing/finding justice and were being antagonistic towards the community instead of being helpful and no one trusted them?? That explanation is literally right there.

Jay suggests the Jesus strategy, again.  

“It’s women! We could just move on, install men,” STRL guy says. I don’t know if he’s joking, but ugh. Also, what is RL if it has neither Diane nor Liz? A bunch of lawyers who will all promptly quit when they see their bosses get fired and a few opportunists?  

Kurt is watching golf in Diane’s office, and the STRL people love it. Of course Kurt accidentally makes friends with them.  

Court stuff happens. It’s not good for Rivi, and then Liz and Carmen come up with a theory: Plum Meadow is stalling the deal so they can find Rivi’s more stable second and make a deal with them instead.  

Wackner giving Dr. Goat a single point on his stupid little board, for any reason related to his obviously fake totally unverified document, is dangerous. Why would you signal to a crowd that’s clearly not interested in fact that they have a point? That’s basically egging them on.

I know Wackner’s judgment is obviously not 100% sound—need I remind you of the PRIVATE PRISONS?-- but I thought it was more sound than this.  

Wackner shows off his knowledge of paper and proves that Dr. Goat’s document is a fake. Why... did he just give Dr. Goat a point???  

Or is he moving the point from Dr. Goat to Marissa?  

Dr. Goat sounds like a fake name I would call a character in my recaps long past the point of anyone other than myself remembering the joke. (See: Mr. Elk)

“The truth is ugly. The only thing uglier is not pursuing it,” Wackner tells Marissa. How is taking on a case about very obvious falsehoods, funded by someone with a vested interest in the case, that gets people riled up, some noble pursuit of truth?  

STRL and Kurt are now drinking and discussing hunting, while Diane’s arguing for Matteo in Vinetta’s living room. Vinetta is—as was always obvious, sorry Jay—far too smart to fall for this patronizing bullshit. She screams at Diane and plays back a recording (on a baby monitor) of Diane coaching Matteo to lie about his faith.

Soooooo yeah no you can’t do that, that is bad, recording conversations between lawyers and their clients is not good even if it leads to you exposing their schemes...

Then Vinetta places Diane under arrest, which obviously isn’t going to end well for Vinetta.  

Liz and Carmen suggest a post-nup to Rivi to see if Isabel is planning on turning on him.

“I’m going to have to kill her,” Rivi says sadly. I don’t think Rivi will ever kill Isabel because we already did that with Bishop.  

I’m going to assume that Diane chooses to stay in basement prison instead of calling one of the many, MANY, MANY people she could call to get her out/take down Vinetta because she doesn’t want the situation to be publicized or further deteriorate. That said, it’s really not clear why Diane just accepts being sentenced to basement prison with a cell phone.  

Love the STRL man looking at that picture of Diane and HRC. They’ve gotten so much mileage out of that photo.  

Wackner’s court has no rules, but at least since it has no rules, I can’t complain about how its rules make no sense!  

What is this, debate practice?! Ugggghhhhh I can’t deal with this case for much longer.  

Marissa takes a breath, then decides to pursue a strategy she knows could blow everything up.

“Then why care what Judge Wackner decides? Why should you defer to him? Why defer to anyone?” Cord says that’s the point—the people have decided to trust Wackner. “So if you don’t like this court’s decision, you’ll just start a new one?” Marissa asks. “I guess,” Cord concedes.  

“So then why does this matter? This court?” “It matters only insofar as we continue to agree that it matters,” Cord says. “So if you don’t like Judge Wackner’s rulings, you can just ignore them and create a new court?”

Good point, Marissa. Good point. (Does this count as a thesis?)

“I’m guessing that I will like the way the judge decides,” Cord says. Well, that’s basically a threat.

Wackner takes a break and heads to chambers—without Marissa.  

Kurt goes to visit Diane in basement jail. He’s granted a conjugal visit, which means Matteo gets moved up to the bedroom so Diane and Kurt can have some alone time.

Diane is staring at an image of Lake Como in her cell. I thought it was odd she brought a printout of her vacation destination with her, so I LOVED the line where she explains that Vinetta printed it out for her. COLD. (You know who also would’ve done this if they’d for some reason had a basement prison? Bree Van de Kamp. You know what show DID do a basement prison arc I’d rather forget? Desperate Housewives!)  

I love how Diane responds to basement prison by making jokes non-stop.

“I thought the craziness would end with 2020,” Diane says. Nope.

Kurt brought alcohol; Diane brought pot gummies.  

I love that Kurt has never had pot before. I was going to say that I bet Diane’s had a few experiences with recreational drugs when I remembered we had a whole damn season of Diane microdosing.  

Christine and Gary’s acting and their chemistry really bring these basement prison scenes to life. The writing and directing are really sharp, but it’s the actors who make these scenes something special. You can tell Diane and Kurt love each other a lot. You can tell they’re disappointed about their vacation and exhausted by the chaos of the day. You can tell they’re in disbelief over this situation but also find it funny.  

Didn’t Rivi and Isabel have an adult daughter who died of COVID a few episodes ago? Weird she isn’t mentioned in this scene. Maybe from a different marriage/relationship?

Isabel called the SA’s office because she thinks Rivi’s a threat? I think this is a power play.

Heh, Carmen saying, “Shut a black woman up!?” in disbelief in court. Love it.  

Isabel instead flips her story and supports her husband and fights for his release. With no intervention from Plum Meadow, this gets the judge to free Rivi. I don’t really understand what’s happened here or why. I get the resolution, but I don’t get why Isabel called the SA or why this went away so quickly. I still don’t even get why Rivi’s been arrested.

Diane and Kurt put up Christmas lights for ambiance and talk about how they never go on vacation.

“I wanna see the pyramids on this coast!” drunk & high Kurt insists, hilariously. “I mean hemisphere. I like the Aztecs. They, they care about people.” I’m not going to transcribe the rest of the dialogue because it loses its magic when you’re not watching the scene.  

After some fun banter about travel and movies, Diane changes the topic. “I should quit, shouldn’t I? That judge upstairs? She looked at me like I was the most entitled white bitch on the planet. And that’s the way they look at me at work.”

Kurt tries to say that’s not true, but Diane knows it is: “Yes they do. I’m the top Karen. And why do I care? I mean, I... I could find another firm. I could quit. I can’t impose my will on people who don’t want me.”

YES. I see a lot of debate over what the “right” thing to do is here. But I think we are long past “right” and “wrong.” At a certain point, this stops being about absolute moral truths. If Diane doesn’t have the respect of her partners and employees, that is a very real problem for the firm and for Diane. How can she continue to impose her will on a firm that doesn’t want her, all the while claiming to be an ally? (The back half of that sentence is the most important part.) Forget whether or not Diane “should” have to step down. Forget what’s “fair.” If the non-Diane leadership of RL thinks the firm should be a black firm, and the employees of RL think so too, and Diane just doubles down on her white feminism, she’s creating an even bigger problem for herself and ruining her reputation in the process.  

Kurt stands up on the prison cot and warns Diane she might make a decision she’ll regret. This scene is so cute. Why can’t other shows do drug trips where the characters just act silly and have great chemistry? Why does it always have to be some profound meditation on death whenever characters get high?

“I think I like starting over. I like the chutes and ladders of life. I mean, I want the corner office, but then I wanna slip back to the beginning and fight for the corner office. I mean, I think maybe it’s better that I don’t get the top spot,” Diane says. LOVE to hear her admit this. I’m not sure I would’ve come to this conclusion on my own, and it sounds like it’s a bit more about how the writers like to write (you know, the “we love our characters to always be underdogs”) than Diane, but... you know what? I believe it. I fully believe it. Diane LOVES to fight, LOVES to feel like she’s in the right, LOVES power plays and to be making progress. She LOVES winning. The fact that she isn’t just choosing to retire right now, even though she’s past retirement age and has a great reputation, is in itself enough for me to believe that she would find it fun to repeatedly start over.

Plus, it’s a fun new direction for the show to take in season six, because they’ll get the same sense of conflict without the actual conflict. This season’s arc was firm drama and resulted in a firm name change... but it didn’t feel like a knock-off of Hitting the Fan. Diane trying to work her way back into power (I assume by becoming a better actual ally, otherwise doesn’t she just end up in the same exact situation?) should also provide conflict without being repetitive.

Hahahahahaha Kurt immediately reacting to this serious statement by being incredibly silly and horny and then Diane singing “I Touch Myself” to him, man, I love these two. I want to know the story behind this song choice.

Wackner emerges from his chambers. The score is tied. Wackner calls Cord corrupt and notes that they can’t just decide to call Downstate Illinois a new state based on his ruling. Now it’s thesis time!

“I was taken by Mr. Cord’s arguments of individualism. So much of our country has been built on people finding their own way, not being held back by bureaucracy. Yet, if we only follow individualism, that way lies chaos. And that was not the point of this court. Or at least not my point. Judgment for the defense. There will be no Downstate Illinois.”

“If we only follow individualism, that way lies chaos.” is probably the clearest of the many theses of this episode. To recap, we have:

(1) Factions are bad. (2) People are persuadable and the rules don’t actually matter. (3) Reality TV changes minds. (4) Institutions only exist when we collectively agree they exist (5) Individualism = chaos.  

But let’s put a pin in this for now and let the chaos of individualism play out.  

The crowd does not like Wackner’s decision, and decides that an appropriate way to express their displeasure is to make anti-Semitic remarks towards Marissa and then start throwing chairs. What nice people.  

As the crowd goes totally 1/6 on Wackner’s court (thanks for pointing this out to me, Ryan—I cannot believe I didn’t make the connection myself!), the door slamming into the desk finally pays off since Marissa and Wackner are able to use it to keep the crowd from reaching them.  

They immediately turn to the police, or they would, if they could get service. I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that as soon as things get bad, they want to involve the existing system.  

Wackner Rules is, somehow, still taping in the midst of all the chaos. I don’t know if I think they’d air this, but someone certainly would. (I wonder if any of the cameras we see in these scenes are actually the cameras filming the other angles of the riot.)  

Cord shakes his head and walks out, unharmed.  

“You think they’ll kill us?” “I think they might,” Marissa and Wackner fret.  

“My dad said the whole world would be a better place if everybody realized they were in the minority. ‘No matter where you are,’ he said, ‘Make sure you keep an eye on the exits, and make sure you’re closer to the exit than the Cossacks are to the entrance.’” Marissa says. Love Eli Gold coming through with thesis number 6 (and maybe thesis number 7).  

“Your dad sounds a little paranoid,” Wackner says, correctly. Remember how I mentioned I accidentally wound up watching 5x22? Eli calls Alicia and responds to her hello with, “DISASTER!!!!” I miss him.

“He was, but he wasn’t wrong. He said, ‘Stay away from parades. They’re cute until they’re not. And don’t trust any pope who was Hitler Youth.” “What’s that law called?” “Godwin’s Law. My dad said anybody who argued for Godwin’s Law has never been near an actual crowd. Crowds love you, they hug you. Then they grab a gun and try to kill you.”

“Why? Why do they do that?” “I don’t know. Hate is fun. It’s clear-cut.”  

I really like all of this. It is a little preachy, but it isn’t wrong and it’s self-aware. And, more importantly, it’s in character. I absolutely believe that Marissa would tell lots of stories about Eli in a moment of extreme stress. It’s nostalgic, probably comforting, and it also helps her feel like she’s on the right side with the right arguments. So, even backed into a corner, she’s still a winner: she has theory on her side.  

Wackner speaks a foreign language (I do not know what language but I wish I did) and says, “A guy could get killed doing this,” which makes him and Marissa laugh as things crash around them.

Idk about you all, but I couldn’t really get myself to actually worry about their safety during this scene. Maybe Wackner’s, just a little, but I got the sense we were supposed to focus more on the chaos and destruction and monologuing than on the actual danger. That’s not to say the stakes didn’t feel high, but rather to say that this didn’t feel like an action sequence where you don’t know what’s going to happen next. The point was to watch the court fall and think about why it fell, not to worry about if Marissa would live.  

Diane and Kurt are woken up by sirens and loud noises. The cops arrive and are shocked to find professionally dressed white people in a basement cell. They let Diane and Kurt out with compassion, but scream, “don’t you fucking move” to the people on the floor.

“It’s okay, they didn’t do anything,” Diane says. This is, as I theorized earlier, probably why Diane just sits there until her punishment blows over instead of escalating things.  

If the cops weren’t there to free Diane, why were they there? Why, because they like David Cord and David Cord has gotten Chicago PD officers to protect Wackner’s IP.  

If I had to say one thing in favor of Vinetta being the originator of the community court idea, it would be that it’s SUCH a gut punch to watch Diane and Kurt walk away from their bizarre little adventure as Vinetta gets arrested in the background, and it hits ten times as hard if Vinetta’s only being charged because some white guy is claiming IP that’s actually hers.

(I think Vinetta is probably, at this point, actually being arrested for imprisoning people illegally, but, still.)

“Pfft. Some judge,” one of the cops who adores Wackner says of Vinetta. Racist much?  

Marissa and Wackner emerge from the backroom. “I think I better get back to work,” she says, meaning her RL job. "Me too,” Wackner says, grabbing a Copy Coop apron. He’s an employee of ten years.  

I don’t think this lands as well as it’s meant to. I think the point is supposed to be that Wackner’s just some guy—not a billionaire, not an academic, not a judge, not a lawyer—with an idea. But it’s a little too neat. And it doesn’t explain how Wackner financed his court initially, nor does it explain why he has basically unlimited access to Copy Coop space and resources. I’d buy it if he were the OWNER of Copy Coop, but I have so many questions about him being an employee.  

Diane tells Liz she’s actually going on vacation this time, and they laugh about how Kurt bonded with STRL.

“I want you and Allegra to be name partners. I’ll be an equity partner,” Diane says. “Why?” Liz asks. “Five years ago, when I hit rock bottom, this firm took me in. So I don’t like the idea of splitting this firm in two. And I can’t lead if no one will follow.” “And your clients?” “We’ll manage them together.” YES! I love this. I don’t love it because I necessarily think it had to go this way, but because it’s so refreshing to see Diane say that she actually is willing to take a step back because she cares about the firm and the people there more than she cares about being a name partner. This isn’t something we usually see. When we hear “this firm took x in” it’s usually being said incredulously against someone who’s decided to leave and steal clients (cough, Hitting the Fan, cough).  

It’s been pretty clear for most of this arc that Diane and Liz like working together and they like their firm, but that no one (other than Diane, I guess) is willing to let RL lose its status as a black firm, and that the employees and equity partners weren’t going to be satisfied until Diane stepped down. Diane really had three options: Stay and piss everyone off and claim the whole firm for herself, quit and go somewhere else and totally abandon the good working dynamic she had, or step down and put her money where her mouth is.  

Also yeah the clients were never actually going to be an issue! They were only an issue because Diane intentionally went about informing them she was stepping down in a way she knew would make them worry!  

“I think I need to prove myself,” Diane says. I’m not sure that’s the key issue or that she can ever prove herself fully, but we’ll worry about that next year.

“I missed you,” Liz says. “I’m here,” Diane replies. “I know. Thank you,” Liz says.  

Diane decides she’s going to move downstairs so Allegra can have her office. I think there’s another office on this floor, since she, Adrian and Liz all had offices. This feels a little bit like Diane’s in love with the idea of making things difficult for herself and maybe hasn’t fully grasped the point, but, you know, I’ll take it.  

Diane tells Kurt her decision and he asks if it was the right thing to do. She says she doesn’t know—but she says it with a smile. Kurt notes he’s going hunting next month with the STRL folks and will put in a good word for her. Ah, yes, because STRL still controls all of this and all of this is moot! Thanks for the reminder Kurt! Diane says she wants in on the hunting trip. Of course.  

And the elevator doors close. Remember how closing elevator doors was a motif earlier this season??? It’s back!

Then we get a little coda with Wackner Rules airing a new episode that’s just violence and destruction. This sequence seems to straddle the line between being there for thematic reasons for the viewers and there to show what happened in the show’s universe, but I think it’s main purpose is theme, so I will not go on a full rant questioning why Del would want to air this.

A white blonde lady in an apron watches the destruction of Wackner Rules. She looks concerned. “That was violet,” she says with dismay. And then we see she’s holding a guy in a jail cell in her kitchen.  

And then we see other courts, as America the Beautiful plays. One’s in a garage debating kicking someone out of the neighborhood; another is across the street about the same case. There’s one in Oregon about secession. There’s one among Tiki Torch Nazis deciding only white people can own property. There’s (inexplicably) one about pronouns. There’s one with arm wrestling, one that happens while sky diving, and a bunch of others. It’s pretty ridiculous, and not necessarily in a good way. It feels at once like the natural extension of the Wackner Rules show and like an over the top parody you’d see on another show. Tiki Torch Nazis screaming “only white people can own property!” is the opposite of subtle writing. Tonally, this sequence feels more like the zany humor of Desperate Housewives or the insanity of BrainDead than anything TGF has done before (and TGF’s been plenty surreal), and it doesn’t quite work for me. It feels like it is trying to prove a point in the corniest, most on the nose way possible. It almost feels like it’s parodying its own plotlines.  

On my first watch, this ending for Wackner left me stumped. I knew the writers were making an argument against individualism (Wackner’s speech + the repeated references to The Apprentice) and cults of personality. But I couldn’t figure out a real life analogue to Wackner’s court, and since this ending was so obviously trying to be About Something, that bugged me. Sure, that last sequence could be an argument against people making community courts, but WERE people making community courts? I didn’t see the urgency.

And then I talked to @mimeparadox. And as soon as he said that it was about factions and people playing by their own sets of rules beyond the justice system, it clicked. I’d been looking for Wackner’s plot to be a commentary on the legal system. It is much broader than that. It’s a commentary on the weakening of democratic systems (the Big Lie, etc.), more broadly, and Wackner and his common-sense approach are just a way to get liberal viewers to go along for the ride.  

Now that I understand the point, or what I think is the point, I like this conclusion. Circumventing the system leads to chaos; that’s why we have institutions and bureaucracy, and I think the show is arguing that these institutions should still be respected despite their flaws. The many theses of this episode all come together to make this point (though the reality TV stuff is a little more tenuous and I'm a little shocked we got through all of this without any commentary on social media?): If we stop having a shared belief in institutions and instead follow individual leaders (whom we may learn about through reality TV), the rules will stop mattering and we’ll end up with a fractured country and widespread violence.  

But, and maybe this is just about me being upset I missed both the obvious 1/6 parallels AND the point of the arc the first time through this episode (my defensive side feels the need to also note I first watched this episode at like 5 am when I was barely awake), I don’t know that I actually think this episode does a great job of driving its point home. There are SO many moving pieces to the Wackner plot and SO many references. There are so many threads we never return to from earlier in the season, and there’s so much that strains credulity (like Wackner taking Dr. Goat seriously for more than a split second). It’s pretty clear what the themes are—even though I’m saying I missed the point my first time through, I've hit on all these themes separately in past recaps and posts—but, I dunno, something about this episode just feels scattered. Maybe it’s all the moving pieces, maybe it’s all the moments where it sounds like the characters are voicing related ideas that don’t quite snap together to form one coherent picture, or maybe it’s that Wackner’s plot gets two endings (the actual ending + the coda) and it’s up to the viewer to put together how they relate.

I really don’t know. At the end of the day, I think there was a little too much going on with Wackner and that the writers needed to use the episodes between the private prison reveal and the finale to narrow—not broaden—the scope of what they were trying to do with Wackner. But I also think that what they were doing with Wackner was really, really smart and original. I don’t think I can overstate how impressed I am that the writers took an idea that sounded, frankly, awful when I first heard about it and turned it into something captivating and insightful that I was happy to spend nine weeks watching.  

Overall, a few bad episodes aside, I thought season five was the strongest season of TGF yet. I haven’t seen this show be so focused in... well, maybe ever. Having two overarching plots that received consistent development and felt like they were happening in the same universe at the same time REALLY helps make season five feel like a coherent whole, and I can’t wait to rewatch it.  

[ynsimagines]

Supergirl “Die From A Broken Heart”

This is another oneshot about singer/songwriter B!D. This oneshot is based of a song from artists Maddie and Tae called “Die from a Broken Heart.” I dont any of these lyrics. 

Easter was supposed to be a happy time. A time to celebrate with friends and family, eat a lot of good food and of course chocolate. It was also a time to spend with your s/o. Unless of course you both got into a massive argument a couple days before resulting in him spilling red wine all over your favorite dress and storming out of your Nashville apartment. Apparently you didn’t spend enough time with him you were always too focused on your music or your friends and sisters. 

As if it couldn’t get any worse this morning you woke up to a text that said “we’re done.” You laid back down on your bed and immediately started to cry. Kara must’ve heard you because after a few minutes she was knocking on your door.

“Little one, whats wrong? Can I come in?” Asked your older sister.

“Yes,” you chocked. Forget trying to be tough or putting up a front you just wanted your big sister.

The superhero walked in looking extremely concerned. She knew about the fight you had a couple days ago, and probably was able to guess what happened. She sat down on your bed and took you in her arms as you continued to sob.

“Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry.” She said rubbing your back. Kara wished she could take all your pain away, but unfortunately that was something Supergirl couldn’t do.

“He broke up with me with a text. How does he sleep at night?” You asked.

Kara looked at you sadly, “I dont know babe, but he’s got some nerve breaking up with you that way especially since your big sister is Supergirl.”

This actually caused you to laugh, but then pretty soon you started crying again. Kara looked at you sympathetically moving some hair out of your face.

“How do you get red wine out of a dress?” you asked causing Kara to have a confused look on her face. 

“I dont know baby girl, Eliza will probably,” with that you nodded.

“I’ll call Alex, and we’ll have a sisters day at home.”

You shook your head, “it’s Easter we’re all going to brunch with everyone, you cant just cancel.”

“Our friends will understand, sweetheart.”

“They shouldn’t have to it’s okay, I’ll be fine” you insisted. 

Kara seemed to think about this for a second before letting out a breath she was holding. “Alright little one.”

You both got up and as you went to the bathroom to wash your face Kara went to text Alex and let her know the current situation. When you walked out into the kitchen you saw her making both of you Coffee.

“I have a headache,” you said sitting down at the counter. 

Kara walked over with a glass of water and some aspirin almost as if she predicted what you just said. 

“That’ll be the dehydration,” she responded kissing the top of your head. 

After drinking your coffee you went back to your room and tried making yourself look presentable you looked over at your bed, and noticed your pillow had mascara stains on it. You’d have to ask your mom how to get those out. 

As you got ready for the day you started thinking about your relationship. Sure you’d been pretty busy, but you made an effort to spend time with him, but you also had to make sure you spent time with your friends and sisters. It was difficult to balance work with your personal life especially since you were in Nashville anywhere from once to three times a month, but you always made time for him.

Once you finished getting ready you and Kara headed over to the restaurant where you met Alex, Lena, and Your mom. You would have to wait up for your other friends to arrive.

You hugged all three of them they’d probably heard through the grape vine what happened. “Hey mom, how do you get a red wine stain out of a dress?” The other four women looked at you sympathetically and Eliza seems to think it over for a minute. 

“Boiling water, if that doesn’t work try vinegar,” answered Lena surprising you all. 

“How’d you know that, Lena” asked Kara surprised she was pretty sure Lena had never done laundry before. 

“I’ve had to get out a few red wine stains before” Lena said looking at you sadly.

“What about black mascara off a pillowcase?” Alex reached her hand out and began to rub your shoulder comfortingly.

“The same thing Lena said, Boiling water of vinegar,” answered your mom at this you nodded. 

“Mom, can I come and maybe stay a few days? This weekend or next?” you asked something about being home always comforted you. Your mom grabbed your hand, “you can come anytime sweetheart, I’m always here for you.”

At that the rest of the super friends begun arriving. 

You had managed to mostly put up a front that day. many of your friends knew what happened but you didn't want to be a bummer so you decided not to talk about it. You did however ask J’onn if he could come look at the front door of your apartment in Nashville since it got slammed and doesn’t close right to which he readily agreed, and also subtly let you know you could talk to him about anything. “What are space dads for?”

He also asked if you wanted him to take care of anything and you immediately knew what he was hinting at. You told him no and to keep his pistol in the drawer as mad as you were at your ex you didn't want anything bad to happen to him. You’d have to remember to tell Alex the same thing...

That night you were completely exhausted emotionally and physically. You laid on yours and Kara’s couch with your head on Alex’s lap who decided to spend the night in order to make sure you were ok and your feet on Kara’s.

“Alex?” you asked trying not to cry for the umpteenth time today. 

“Yeah, baby girl?” 

“Can your knees give out from praying so hard?”

Alex sighed sadly seeming to think about it for a minute while she gently rubbed your shoulder. “I dont think so sweetheart.”

“Can you go blind from crying in the dark?” at this your voice cracked. “Was it ever real if he doesn't feel the way I feel?” you sat up now and were full on sobbing Alex sat next to you and wrapped her arms around you from behind. And Kara got in front of you looking into your eyes.

“It was real,” she tells you firmly. “The way you felt was real and that’s all that matters.” 

“I wanna kick myself for falling so hard, can you die from a Broken Heart?”

Kara shook her head and kissed her forehead, “you’re not gonna die sweetheart, you’re gonna be alright.” 

“And were gonna help you get through this,” Alex said also kissing the top of your head. And you continued like that crying in your sisters arms until you fell asleep.

The next morning you woke up from text messages from many of your friends. Nia and Lena both told you they were always there to talk with Nia offering to take you for some retail therapy. Lena offered to take you to lunch to get your mind off things, and Winn said you should get together and have a video game marathon. It made you feel a little better knowing you had so many people there to help you. But you felt like your heart was broken all over again when you checked your FB and saw that your ex had changed his relationship status to single. How could he leave you and move on so easily. 

You went out to the living room where your sisters were making breakfast and handed them the phone not wanting to verbally communicate what happened. 

“Oh sweetheart,” said Alex coming to give you a hug along with Kara. “I promise one day you’ll be able to look back on this,” you cut her off.

“Alex, please dont say I’m gonna laugh about this someday you didn’t see the way he drove away,” Alex looked at you sadly and nodded.

“Okay, baby girl why dont you eat something Kara and I made breakfast you’ll feel better.”

Later that day you went back into your room after rejecting Alex and Kara’s offer to go out on a walk and thought about everything you’d been through this past week. Every conversation and bit of advice you’d gotten and all of your feelings and despite what Kara said all you could keep thinking was “Can you Die From a Broken Heart?” You thought to yourself that it was a great idea for a song, and it made you laugh. You always used music throughout your life as a way of dealing with situations. You grabbed your songbook, a pen, your guitar and got to work

.

It was months later your new single “Die from a Broken Heart” had been released by your label not before playing it for your sisters who loved it. The other super friends had now heard it as well and thought it was brilliant. The song was now climbing the charts. You were currently back in Nashville getting ready to film the music video for your song when your manager called.

“Hey Liz, whats up?” You said from the hair and makeup chair.

“Have you looked at the charts recently” said the older women. 

“Not in the last week, why?” You asked curiously.

“I think you should see for yourself” she said excitedly. So you did just that to see your song was now number one on the Billboard country charts, “Oh my god, we did it.”

“No you did it,” said Liz. You’d had songs go number one before, but honestly it never got old. “Liz I gotta go I need to tell my sisters and friends, we’ll celebrate tonight.” 

You facetimed your sisters and they were of course ecstatic and so proud of promising to also celebrate with you when you got back home and you soon got a bunch more congratulations texts from the rest of your friends. 

.

It had been a few more months the music video came out and was amazing as well. Everyone loved it and you even made Kara and your mom cry. 

You had just received your platinum record in the mail and your older sisters couldn’t be more proud of you as you were currently getting ready to go out and celebrate at karaoke night with the Super friends.

.

And one year later you won a Song writers award for the lyrics which was a first for your career, and so amazing to be noticed in that way.

“I really have you guys to thank you guys” you said to your sisters and friends before you were going to perform at the award ceremony they had come too. “With all the conversations we had and the advice you gave me you practically co wrote it,” you said making everyone laugh. You cheersed with them before getting ready to go on stage.

“I never did actually get the red wine out of my dress” you said to your sisters afterwards. “But maybe having my heart broken wasn’t such a bad thing.”

[meetmeatthecoda]

I absolutely ♥️ADORE♥️ Scripted and would love to read your director’s commentary for it!

Oh, anon!! 😍 I'm SO THRILLED that you loved Scripted so much, that makes me so happy!! 🥰 Especially that you loved it enough to want to read my "director's commentary" (that phrase makes me laugh, you'd think I created a feature length film all by myself 🤣), so I think I'll skim through the fic - it's been a while since I re-read it - & make a bullet-point list of any special BTS info I can think of 😊 Anddd I'll also put it under a read more cause you know me, I never use one word when one hundred will do 😂

So, the fic itself was inspired by the ending of 5.08 where Liz wakes from her coma to Red reading to her in an armchair as he had been for the past 10 months, it's fine, I'm fine but she still has a ventilator in so she can't talk & instead has to write "how long?" on a piece of paper & her handwriting is super shake-y bc her muscles are so weak (I think Red even helps her hold the pen? It's clearly been a while since I re-watched the ep whoops but ugh, be still my heart.) For some reason, I just latched onto the idea of a mute Liz, really suffering with the implications of everything she went through (since her recovery was so glossed over in the show boo) & Red 1000% being there for her. Mostly, I just wanted to dive into the dynamic of Liz letting Red care for her the way he's always wanted to (without Tom & Agnes btw) to the point where their relationship is unhealthy in its reliance, but neither can see it bc Liz is blocking things out (& unknowingly falling in love with him) & Red is just so thrilled to be able to love & care for her (while already deeply in love with her obvi). So yeah, that was the kind of dynamic & closeness I wanted to explore between them & it was... really fun 😊

The idea of the coma providing the perspective Liz needed to see that Red has always had her best interests at heart & clearly loves her (in addition to the fact that he never left her side or gave up during those 10 months lol peak romance tbh) seemed very organic & logical to me.

I liked the idea of Red & Liz playing board games as a way to pass the time & get to know each other better. It's the kind of casual interaction we were never gifted with in the show & I think they're both competitive in the right circumstances, even if its playfully so.

I liked the idea of Liz being urged to learn ASL, as I'm deaf in one ear & would dearly love to learn it at some point.

The detail of Red sleeping on a cot close enough to Liz's hospital bed that they can hold hands in their sleep was a total guilty pleasure addition & I'm not sorry.

I loved the scene in the beginning where Red is talking to Dembe on the phone in the hallway & Liz is practicing her letters. She's purely doing it so Red doesn't worry & I loved the idea of her being apathetic to everything except Red's concerns, plus I added in the parenthetical of (Red sometimes squints at her k's.) bc I thought it represented that well, but also bc it was just cute af. I also added the little detail of him waving at her through the window at the last minute bc I thought the scene needed something else & once I pictured that, it was too adorable to leave out.

Red handling all the details of Liz's care & transportation without asking (bc he instinctively knew that's what Liz wanted) only to turn around & panic about excluding her seemed like a very RED thing to do & I like how it emphasizes his well-meaning intentions, respect for her preferences, & desire to see her happy, even if she did actually want to leave him lol as if.

I liked the visual of Liz stumbling into Red's arms as she stands from her hospital bed to leave with him (sets a precedent for later) & I also loved the visual of a pen in her ponytail & of course Red using it to flirt a little bc come on.

I remember struggling to write the car ride transition to the lake house. I usually get ideas & visions for specific scenes, moments, or bits of dialogue, so those kind of transition moments are hard for me sometimes. But I liked that I settled on Red helping to ground Liz through touch (again, sets a precedent for later).

Red & Liz playing hangman in the car with Red using the word "fedora" & drawing a suited hangman made me giggle.

I can see the lake house very clearly in my mind, complete with the willow tree, bench, & tiny house (included bc I desperately want a tiny house in real life) & I really enjoyed describing the interior & imagining the joy Red would get out of decorating it with Liz in mind.

Their first night in the house where Liz has her nightmare & Red comforts her - that was a scene I had in mind very early on & I love how it turned out, especially with Liz mouthing "stay with me" into Red's neck, that part gave me All The Feels™.

The "morning after" scene where Liz realizes on some level that she's too dependent on Red is an important moment in the fic & the off-hand detail that at least "she's not going around murdering people & calling it therapy" was a bit of shade to Ruin (which I don't think I ever saw bc I was kind of appalled with the idea lol) I think I posted Scripted after Ruin aired... if not, I guess I'm psychic?? LOL

The breakfast scene - & the fact that Red is preparing every breakfast food known to man bc he's nervous too - is near & dear to my heart. I think that's a pretty pivotal scene since they kind of reach an unspoken agreement & peace &... "things settle after that first breakfast."

I liked the teeny little parenthetical section that comes next as well, which acts as a sort of middle point for the fic.

The next large chunk of the fic was pure indulgence for me. I LOVED writing about all the different things they would do together when it was just the two of them, it was basically a collection of Lizzington headcanons & that's how I sketched them out LOL Here's some notes on them:

I came up with the jigsaw puzzle headcanon (that Liz is bored by them bc they're easy for her bc she's a trained psychologist & easily sees patterns in things) late in the editing process but loved it so much that I included it.

Liz's sandwich preference is actually mine LOL

The Monopoly banter was fun af to write bc I love that game.

The love notes Liz leaves around the house for Red is still an all-time favorite headcanon of mine.

I loved the idea of Red reading to Liz in a foreign language, holding the book only for looks, but not actually reading from it at all & instead professing his love for her. I think I've even used that headcanon in another fic LOL

Their movie nights were also something I was dying to include, especially since they include snacks & cuddles.

Their co-sleeping habits were also something I wanted to include & Liz's newly tactile nature is both a symptom of her dependence on Red & also a guilty pleasure thing for me bc we all wanted more of Red & Liz touching on screen, plus I felt obligated to explain through Red that it wasn't sexual in nature (though if I ever get around to writing part 2, that will change 😉)

Dembe being the one to observe & interfere in their situation was an early scene I imagined as well, that was always going to be the climax of the fic (or at least part 1). I so enjoyed writing about Red & Liz's relationship through his eyes bc he just loves them both & only wants to help them.

Another pivotal scene I imagined early on was Liz having a panic attack with Dembe when she discovers Red has left & that was super engaging to write, as well as the reunion between them which... I pretty much wrote the whole fic with the goal of getting to that lovely angst LOL

Red's resolve to finally urge Liz to speak was heart-breaking to write (so naturally I loved it lol what's wrong with me) & in particular the detail of them eating fruit for lunch before he broaches the topic with her & the parenthetical about it being "a sign from the cosmos that they are meant to be together just because they don't eat each other's favorite fruit" made my heart happy even tho it's stupid LOL & when Red asks her if she would ever try to speak again & she responds with a simple written "Why?" that was a huge moment that I loved the angst of, of course. As well as the absolutely gutting: "Lizzie, I miss your voice."

I liked that Liz needs some time to think & accept everything Red forces her to realize at the end, that was super important to me in the resolution of the fic/part 1 & I tried really hard to include both their mentalities there at the end.

The fact that Red hasn't had a drink since he started caring for Liz also made my shipping heart happy.

And - lastly - the fact that the only thing Liz actually says in the whole fic is Red's name? Yeah 🥲🥲🥲

Welp, there you go, anon, I'm not sure if that was interesting to you at all, but I certainly hope so!! I know that was a lot but... it's a long fic, my longest ever, so I figure it's warranted, right?? 😂 Anyway, thank you so much, both for the compliment of loving Scripted AND for wanting to read more about it, anon, you are so sweet!! 🥰 I hope you enjoyed this & much, much love to you, my friend!! ❤️

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut

[lovecolibri]

Yeah right after last season there were some smug Echo shippers who wanted to be superior about their ship and how Malex is ruined now. Then I thought about it and realized I'd still take Malex over Echo easily any day. Echo may have gotten the pretty scenery and romantic scenes but there really is no foundation there at the moment other than Max knows Liz is flawed but thinks she's the greatest thing in the universe anyway. I don't even know what they have to offer each other. And like you said, Max comes with so many red flags that Carina never saw an issue with, most of which might very well just be missing from his personality going forward without it ever being addressed. I hope they will at least try to unpack Max's white privilege with the new sheriff because that conversation Carina was so proud of last season was not it. There's no changing the setup for their relationship, so the least they can do is stop writing Liz as someone who has to prioritize Max over her family because he can't be bothered to really own his actions.

Guess who started writing this a week ago and save it into my drafts because I had to leave the house and then promptly forgot all about it? Couldn’t be me! Anyway...

They wanted Liz to be a Strong Woman and have Max be the Soft Supportive Man who writes poetry, but he also needed to be a Deputy, and also a Strong Manly Man who would fight for her and so we ended up with this really inconsistent character who is soft and supportive to Liz's face, but doesn't agree with her and goes behind her back about it, and who explodes with rage when he doesn’t get what he wants which seemed like they might address as part of his alien powers because he wasn’t supposed to heal with them, but then they kind of shrugged it off? (Don’t get me started on aaaalll that worry about Max coming back evil, and him badgering Rosa into a relapse (partially because her brilliant scientist sister and doctor half-brother didn’t think about getting her in treatment when she talked about why she was self-medicating before??), only for Isobel to handle it immediately 🙄) 

Look, I know Echo are endgame, so I want to like them I really do, and those first few episodes sure were something and really drew me in and made me want to root for them, but season 1 had it’s flaws and season 2 was....what it was. Here’s hoping with Jeanine saying this premier feels like a new pilot episode, that they are building a new, better foundation for Echo and that maybe they will use that to address some of the previous stuff and then let Echo move forward. 

It’s so frustrating in a weird way because on the one hand, Malex has this much deeper, richer, star-crossed lovers separated by family vendetta story you would normally see for the main couple but along with that, they kinda got shafted too by the writing because it was all torture and misery porn while Echo got to break up and make up right away and have cute dates and sweet moments that weren’t immediately interrupted by violence or the looming shadow of remembered trauma. And because they are a straight couple that the show had made a point to expressly state in interviews and such that these other side relationships were not a threat to the Echo ship, it was such an irritating double standard to everything with Malex, including dragging m*luca out for a whole season and how the characters were allowed to respond to all that mess.

But on the other hand, Malex still has the deeper, richer story and we get to see them working to build this foundation where as Echo always seemed to just gloss over the things once they realized they didn’t really agree until everything (literally) blew up in their faces. So as 🙃🙃🙃 as I am about the difference in how Echo is treated as this “obvious endgame nothing will come between them” ship compared to Malex and the constant fear that it’s going to be the series finale before they’re allowed to have even a moment of peace, it mostly feels unearned for Echo, and doubly irritating for Malex because not only were Echo never together in high school and haven’t seen each other or communicated at all since Liz left ten years ago, they also have some really fundamental differences in their moral stances and what they believe that should be causing rifts in their relationship that need to be addressed but have so far just...not been, while they take horseback rides into the sunset and have soft sexy uninterrupted by trauma mornings, and “I love yous”. Where as Malex were together in high school and it’s been mentioned in passing that they’ve kept some amount of contact over the intervening decade, and they have also really only been kept apart by trauma, the walking war crime Jesse Manes, and Alex’s military deployments and out of state postings. Right now what they have given us for Echo is so surface level and seems mostly...not one-sided really, but Max has made it clear that there has never been anyone else for him, where as we have seen Liz with Kyle (twice), she was engaged before she came back to Roswell, and now it looks like they might be setting up for yet another love triangle with this new guy. So how am I supposed to buy this “soulmates” story with Liz and Max if they keep showing us that Liz may care for Max but she doesn’t really have a hard time moving on, where as Max has never, ever been able to move on from girl he hadn’t even kissed when the show started. I just...*screams into pillow* both of these ships had a super interesting set up and were off to a strong start but their potential has been squandered for a while now, and I am really hopeful this season brings it all back around. Seeing the excitement from the cast has really helped build that hope and keep it alive.   

[spaceskam]

14 maria deluca

i’m sorry this took so long, I am indeed a distaster

tags: friends with benefits, fluff (mostly), pre-relationship, POV Maria DeLuca

14. Casual [ao3]

It started out as a good idea.

Maria needed an outlet and Kyle needed a distraction. It was fitting, honestly, because they both worked weird schedules. It wasn’t anything serious, just something they did when they needed to blow off some steam. One of them would go to the other’s after a long shift at work, they’d hook up at three or so in the morning, and then they’d make a respectable walk of shame at around six.

It was only when it became rather recurring and they started running into issues of keeping it a secret between them that the good idea part seemed to fade.

“Okay, so, maybe we should talk,” Kyle said one morning as they both laid in his bed, his questionably expensive sheets draped over them. They’d caught their breath already and the sweat on their skin was drying. Maria, personally, felt nice and floaty still.

“About what?” she asked.

Kyle shifted onto his side and looked down at her, gaze warm and welcoming in a way that made her heart beat a little faster. That was all new. She still wasn’t quite sure how to handle that feeling. That or the fluttery feeling she got whenever she showed up at his door smelling like alcohol and sweat and he looked at her like he’d be willing to lick the ground she walked on.

“Rosa is coming home soon,” Kyle said, “And she’s gonna be staying with me. New environment, a non-alien environment. No offense.”

“None taken,” Maria said as she moved to prop herself up on her elbows.

She’d gone to see Rosa a few times in rehab, but things between them were still a little off and none of it was made better by Isobel monopolizing Rosa’s visiting hours. Maria was hoping to fix that after she came back home. They were best friends at one point and she knew they could figure out a way to get that back, even if times had changed and they now had nearly a decade of age difference. The alien thing was just a fork in the already bumpy road.

But Maria was looking forward to putting in the extra effort.

“I’m not exactly sure how to navigate this with her in the house,” Kyle said.

“I mean, I don’t mind coming over when she’s here. I want to start hanging out with her more, two birds, one stone,” Maria said. Kyle made a face. A small one, but a face nonetheless. “Okay, then you can come to mine.”

“Then she’s going to ask where I was.”

Maria searched his face, trying to find anything that would give away whatever he was thinking. Kyle was usually pretty good at saying what was on his mind all the way up until he was sure it was going to get a negative response.

“Oh. So… you want to stop.”

“I don’t want to,” Kyle insisted, sitting up a bit more, “I just don’t know how else we can keep going without her noticing something is up.”

“I mean, we’re all adults here, it’s fine if she knows.”

“Yeah, but she’s my little-big sister and your friend and I’m her sister’s ex, that’s weird, right? If she knows about our sex life? Like, honestly, I don’t want to stop, I have a lot of fun with you, but you don’t think she’d think it’s gross or awkward or something?” Kyle said. Maria huffed a laugh, tilting her head as she sat up completely alongside him.

“Do you really think she’s going to care? After seeing her big-little sister dating one of the guys that literally covered up her murder, I don’t think me and you are going to be that big of an issue,” Maria said. Her tone was colder than intended, but she couldn’t help it when bringing up the topic of Rosa’s murder. 

God, that still pissed her off to an unmatched degree.

“I just don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable around me or in her own house,” Kyle said, a little pout on his ridiculously handsome features.

Sometimes, when she let herself think too much, Maria couldn’t fathom why Kyle was interested in her of all people. He had a good, stable job and had the face of a fucking god. It wasn’t even that she thought low of herself, it just didn’t make sense that he would settle for anyone in this town. And yet, here he was, trying to think of a way to make his sister feel welcome in his home.

How perfect could he get?

“I know her pretty well, I think,” Maria said. And she did. She felt like she knew Rosa better than she knew most people. Granted, there was a possibility some of it wasn’t as accurate as she would like it to be, but time causes a lot of fuck ups. “And I don’t think she’d be uncomfortable. I mean, she might make fun of us and make it awkward for us, but for the most part, I’d think she’d be fine.”

Kyle bit down on his lip hesitantly.

“Are you positive?” he wondered.

“If it would make it easier, I can talk to her about it,” Maria offered. That didn’t seem to bring him any kind of solace. “Or we can not tell her anything and just act normal? Like this is totally casual and not worthy of a discussion?”

“Casual,” Kyle repeated, nodding his head. Maria didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing to hear. “Right. Um. Okay. What if we go somewhere in between?”

“What the hell is in between?”

“Okay,” Kyle said, shifting towards her with so much enthusiasm that the sheets shifted and she got a very distracting glimpse of the length of his torso down to his upper thigh, “What if we just tell her that we’ve been hanging out more? Like, as friends. No details necessary.”

Maria searched his face, feeling almost guilty at the way he seemed so convinced that was a great idea. Rosa was going to see right through it and she was going to call them out immediately. But, if that’s what he wanted, she would do it.

“Okay. I’ll tell her that we’re just hanging out.”

“Okay, cool,” Kyle said, shoulders dropping with relief. He then blinked at her twice before throwing himself back onto her, pushing them both back into the mattress.

Maria laughed as he did so, smiled as he kissed her again, enjoyed every second as he fit himself on top of her effortlessly.

It was definitely worth trying to come up with something to tell Rosa.

-

Or. That was going to work well in theory.

It’d been two weeks since Rosa had started staying with Kyle, two weeks since Maria was hanging out with her more whenever she could. She and Kyle decided not to risk anything sketchy, but they’d both been getting a little antsy and, truthfully, phone sex just wasn’t cutting it when the real thing was right there. 

So, Maria found herself at 3:30 AM standing on Kyle’s porch and tapping her foot against the ground. The plan was she was going to be quiet, slip into his bedroom, get their fix, and slip out before Rosa woke up.

But, when Kyle opened the door with wide eyes and a tilted head, she knew something was up.

“She’s still awake,” Kyle whispered. Maria couldn’t even find it in herself to be shocked. She was more annoyed that she had been so blindsided by horny brain that she forgot Rosa was borderline nocturnal.

“Do you want me to leave?” Maria whispered back.

“Well, I already opened the door, so‒”

“You’re going to let bugs in and I’m not killing any of them, I’m just going to push them into your bedroom!” Rosa called, “Just tell Maria to come in!”

“I guess you’re coming in,” Kyle said. 

Maria took a deep breath and tried not to feel weird about it as she stepped inside. Kyle, however, had apparently never learned to hide any of his facial expressions and his disappointment was written clear across his face. Maria carefully swatted his stomach and headed into the living room.

“Hey!” Maria said, reaching out to give Rosa a hug where she was sitting on the couch. She had a bowl of popcorn in her lap and her eyes were trained on the gory scene in front of her, but she still managed to give Maria a hug.

“Hey, how was work?” Rosa asked, glancing over at her just to show she was paying attention before looking back to the TV.

“Fine. Didn’t have to throw anyone out and I got tipped pretty well, so I can’t complain,” Maria said, her eyes following Kyle as he went to sit on the other side of Rosa.

“That’s good. Kyle over here didn’t even save a life this evening, so I’m glad one of you did something productive,” she said. Kyle glared at her like he was personally offended.

“The fact that we didn’t have any extremely pressing surgeries tonight is a good thing,” Kyle said. Rosa shrugged.

Maria found herself laughing quietly at their casual bickering. It was a weird, yet welcome change. She had gotten so used to hearing it from Liz and Rosa that it was strange hearing it from someone else, but it was also a new way to see Kyle. Maria quite liked each new version of him she saw.

Still, they lapsed into silence as they watched the movie. Maria had no idea what the plot was or what was even happening, she just knew there was a lot of screaming and a lot of blood splatter, and Rosa seemed invested. So Maria tried to get equally invested, but she produced a less than stellar performance.

Instead, she found herself glancing behind Rosa’s head to look at Kyle. Half the time he was already looking at her. The idea that he couldn’t stop looking at her had her shifting in her seat and feeling a bit warm. She wanted him more than her logical brain could even make sense of and she didn’t know how to feel that not even Rosa’s presence and her movie of choice could turn her off.

What the hell was Kyle doing to her?

“Oh my God,” Rosa said suddenly, groaning and grumbling in Spanish as she leaned forward to grab the remote. Maria jumped, eyes wide as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. But she hadn’t. All she did was look at Kyle. That wasn’t illegal. Still, Rosa shut the movie off. “Can you guys stop eye-fucking over my head? I’m going to vomit.”

“What are you talking about?” Kyle asked, but his face gave it away. He was the worst liar Maria had ever seen. 

That made him all the more endearing.

“I know y’all are seeing each other or whatever the fuck,” Rosa said, pushing off the couch and putting the bowl on the table, “I don’t care, by the way, but I’d rather you never make me sit through that ever again. That was disgusting.”

“We didn’t even do anything,” Maria defended. Rosa rolled her eyes.

“I know you well enough to know what you do when you’re flirting and you’re totally flirting with my brother right in front of my eyes,” Rosa said. Kyle took a sharp breath in. “So gross. I’m going to my room and playing my music loudly. Call me when you’re not waiting for me to go to sleep so you can bang like I’m a child.”

Rosa saluted and walked to the guest bedroom. Sure enough, loud music started coming from her room and Maria let out a disbelieving laugh. She didn’t have enough time to turn to Kyle before her phone alerted her of a message.

Rosa<3: It’d be a lot less gross if I wasn’t related to him, but at least he isn’t ugly and he’s also a doctor. So gross but also good job, proud of you, make him buy us a yacht once he pays of his student loans

Maria laughed, a bit of weight lifted off her chest. She didn’t really think Rosa would mind, but Kyle’s nerves about it had rubbed off on her. She looked up to let him know that she was all for it and saw Kyle still staring straight forward, lips parted in shock.

“Hey,” Maria said, eyebrows pulling together as she slid closer. She put her hand on his shoulder. “You okay? She doesn’t mind, like, she’s not mad or anything.”

“That’s the first time she’s called me her brother to my face,” Kyle said, turning his head, “She’s never said I was her brother.”

Maria smiled softly, “Well, you are.”

“Yeah, but… she never says it. I don’t know, I feel like that was some kind of milestone or something. Like I should celebrate,” Kyle said, huffing a laugh. Maria shook her head fondly and slid her hand across his shoulder blades.

“I know a couple of ways we can celebrate.”

“I was kinda thinking of grabbing a beer with Alex, but that’s good too,” Kyle said honestly. Maria laughed and tugged him closer. She felt his breath on her lips and wondered how the hell she went two whole weeks without it.

“You can do both.”

“I like your thinking,” Kyle murmured, and then he was on her, leaning in and kissing her as it’d been forever. And it sort of had been.

Kyle didn’t break the kiss as he shifted around and grabbed her thighs, lifting her off the couch. Maria gasped softly in response, but she held onto him and let him take her to his bedroom. Rosa’s music was still clear despite it being muted by his bedroom door closing.

They fell back onto his bed, pulling each other closer and closer and it seemed impossible to get enough. Even as they started stripping and touching and things heated, none of it seemed like it would be satisfying enough. She wanted to do this for hours. Days. Weeks.

And suddenly it didn’t feel so casual anymore.

And, for some reason, Maria didn’t even mind.

[gra-sonas]

Do you think the shows taken it too far in terms of malex not being together because the fact that people are having to ask actors for their opinions tells me it's being shown to the audience as hopeless. I think they've had Michael choose M*ria one time too many and driven in the nail a bit too hard. Balance is needed!

Has the show taken it too far? Not an easy question to answer.

Casual viewers, people who actually enjoy M/M, and some Malex shippers would probably answer with ‘no’.

But there’s a growing number of people (I consider myself one of them) who feel like the show’s taken it too far. Which is understandable imo, fans of queer ships are naturally an anxious bunch. We never have the luxury of knowing for sure that our pairing will make it in the end (apart from that, we don’t just want Malex together at the end, but that’s a different point).

And so far there’s a severe imbalance when it comes to Malex. And it’s more than one.

Imbalance I: Echo vs Malex

I don’t want to make this a competition, but I’d like to point out the differences between both relationships. I don’t want Echo to have it worse, but I definitely want Malex to have it better.

With Echo, no one ever has to truly worry that they are not it, that they won’t end up together - you know that watching the first scene of episode 1x01, the way they look at each other and say each other’s names. There’s no doubt whatsoever that they are the show’s OTP.

Kyle and Jenna were in the picture for a bit, but neither was ever actual competition, and Max/Liz/Kyle or Jenna/Max/Liz were never actual triangles that were explored in earnest. And even when Max died, it was clear he’d come back.

When he came back ‘evil’ it was handled in one fight. When it turned out he had Liz!amnesia, him and Liz got an entire episode of falling in love with each other all over again. I’m not saying that they don’t have problems to overcome, or that they don’t deserve to be happy, but in comparison to Malex, they’ve had it fairly easy (by TV drama standards anyway). Apart from that, there are no alternative relationships presented for either of them to pick.

With Malex, we got a mostly tragic love story that’s lasted for over a decade already, despite them having experienced a brutal and homophobic attack on the day they got together initially. And over the course of S1 they showed us, that their love is cosmic. 

But no matter how clear it is on screen in every scene how much they LOVE each other still, that ‘the pieces want to be together’ regardless of trauma and years apart, a potential relationship’s been painted as ‘too complicated’, ‘too painful’, ‘toxic’, and burdened with too much trauma and bad memories to be a viable option from day one.

So, whereas Echo did get more than one shot at being in a relationship, got love declarations, happy kisses and dates, Malex got half a shot at being together between 1x01 and 1x03 and have been broken up since.

Imbalance II: mlm vs m/f

On top of that, they were thrown into an actual triangle, with one of Alex’s (alleged) best female friends even. An mlm relationship deemed too complicated and ‘toxic’ competing against an m/f relationship lauded as ‘easy’, a ‘breath of fresh air’, and something that will finally allow Michael to be ‘happy’.

We saw Alex’s friend go behind his back even tho she’d told him, had she known about him and Michael, the no-good-Texas-rounder would’ve never happened in the first place, and now that she knew, she promised him it would definitely never happen again.

She didn’t keep her promise tho, invited Michael to kiss her, kept pursuing him, and ultimately he started ‘parking in her lot’ a couple weeks later (not before ‘ending’ things with Alex for the umpteenth time tho, while casually informing him about the fact Michael would be moving on with Alex’s friend - a fact he clearly hadn’t known about before).

“Best friends who?” - She didn’t talk to Alex about entering a relationship with the guy she knew Alex still had feelings for and felt hopeful about for months, and when she finally came to talk to him, she didn’t even apologize, instead Alex was the compassionate and understanding Gay Best Friend™, and gave his blessings. Clean slate for m/f and the gay seal of approval. Awesome.

And to really hammer it home that Malex won’t happen anytime soon, the gay man was roped into a threesome by his female friend with the man she knows he loves. And, you’ve guessed it, it ended with Michael picking her over ‘too complicated’ with Alex yet again.

These are all writing choices made in favor of the m/f relationship,  while the gay character's been left in the dust over and over again, and the mlm relationship's never been considered an option.

Imbalance III: Michael vs Alex

Halfway through S2, they finally introduced a new love interest for Alex. A man picking up on his reluctance to kiss in public (which he easily and correctly interpreted as lack of enthusiastic consent), respecting Alex’s boundaries without throwing a fit, and being okay with Alex not having it all figured out right from the start. An actual breath of fresh air...

But of course Alex can’t just be ‘happy’ like Michael, who gets to play caring boyfriend, casual kisses and domestic-y moments included. Nah, Alex has to work twice as hard to even get to kiss the new guy, bc there’s a severe case of childhood abuse anxiety and internalized homophobia he has to overcome first.

Smooth sailing and a relationship for one, queer trauma struggles for the other.

* ~ *

Is anyone still surprised that Malex fans are losing hope, or flock to ForIex instead? Even those of us who believe that Malex are ‘endgame’ in some nebulous future (I’m still one of them) are losing hope because we see Michael pick someone else over Alex again and again, and the magic of their cosmic love fades and dulls every time he does.

Also, what kind of endgame are we actually talking about? The kind where they are finally allowed to get together at the very end of the show, making viewers go through an endless parade of will-they-won’t-they situations for seasons on end? I don’t think many Malex fans would stick around to see that happen, especially not when the show keeps treating Alex like a burden and leaves him sad and alone in almost every episode.

So yeah, there’s no balance imo, and the longer Malex are kept apart, and the longer the show keeps telling/showing us that Michael will always pick someone else over Alex, hope for Malex to find a way back to each other will dwindle, until one day there’s no hope left.

[resslawx]

Soo here goes my first post on tumblr :’D I’m not very familiar with it since I’m more active on my the blacklist fanpage on Instagram but I’m working on it! Normally I’m doing edits - mostly keenler ones - but some days ago I’ve written a keenler oneshot that takes place in the current blacklist universe :) I‘m not much of a writer but I tried my best! Lemme know if you want part 2 since this is only half of it. Also, English isn’t my native language so I’m sorry for any mistakes!

[Keenler oneshot pt. 1]

It was around 11 pm on a Friday night when his phone started to ring.

“Ressler?”

It had been a pretty long day, if not to say it had been hell of a week. They had to chase their current Blacklister all over the country, which is why they had to travel a lot. Given those circumstances it wasn’t hard to imagine how tired he was.

“Ressler, hey, it’s me.” By the time he’d realized who’s familiar - yet kinda hesitant - voice reached out to him through the phone, Ressler became much more awake.

“Liz? Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“No, no everything’s fine. Well, almost. But since the word 'bad' has a pretty heavy meaning in our lives, I can’t use it in this case.”

Ressler could tell she’s been smirking slightly while saying her last words and automatically let out a relived breath. Over the last years it had become a typical habit of his to get worried about her when she called him at unusual times, duo to no work reasons.

She was right, the word 'bad' had another meaning for them and everyone in the Task Force than it hat to most people. But still, there must’ve been a specific reason she called him. He could tell by the sound of her hesitant voice.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it’s nothing bad, but uh, what’s the reason you called me then?” he answered, clearing his throat to hide the sleepy undertone of his voice. He definitely needed to catch up on a bunch of sleep. “Already missing me after traveling around almost 14 hours a day with me all week long?” he added, grinning softly.

On the other end of the line he could hear her chuckling a bit. Damn, he loved hearing those sounds she made, no matter how quiet they were.

“Of course Ress', I’m calling you at 11 pm on a Friday night, after being 2 hours at home and barely spending any time with my daughter because I’m bored.”

It was as if he could hear her rolling her eyes in amusement.

“No, to be honest that’s not the case. But uhm, the real reason might seem just as unnecessary.” she sighed “I just didn’t know what else to do.”

His heart skipped a beat as her last sentence made its way to his kinda slow-working brain. Once again it reminded him on the evening she told him how much she relied on him. How much she needed him. It was already some weeks ago but to him it seemed like it was yesterday.

“Just tell me” was all he said, making his way to the fridge to get some cold water.

Liz bit her lip. “Agnes has been sleeping calmly as I came home, which, honestly I’ve been really glad about. I just went in to give her a quick good night kiss and that was it. Until like half an hour ago..” she paused for a moment, as if she still wasn’t sure if this wouldn’t sound too.. dumb. After some seconds, she spoke again.

“I was just about going to bed, when Agnes ran out of her room, screaming in fear. Clinging to me, she told me she saw a... gigantic spider. Like really gigantic.. at first I thought she did have a nightmare or something but when she described her seeing in detail I started to believe her because to be honest, I’ve already seen a one like this in here but never told her. So anyways, I looked up her whole room but couldn’t find anything for like twenty minutes. Agnes is still freaking out, not wanting to calm down at all till we found that enemy..” Realizing she had spilled out half of her home story in like 15 seconds, she became quiet.

Ressler put down his water bottle, smiling slightly “lemme guess, the munchkin doesn’t want to sleep somewhere else either?”

“Yep, she truly isn’t up for any compromises. Won’t sleep in my bed, won’t believe the spider is more afraid of her than the other way around... won’t calm down at all.”

Ressler could tell Liz was just as exhausted as he was, not only by hearing the third heavy sigh leaving her body in a minute.

“I just uh.. you know.. Agnes always relaxes if you’re around and..”

“And you thought I’d come over to try to calm down your kid - at a time we can already call midnight?“

“I- I don’t know what I thought..” she went silent for a moment, clearly even more unsure about the whole thing than she was in the beginning. “You know what, forget it, I’m so-“

“Of course I will. Just gimme a minute to make my look at least a bit more bearable.“

He was already on his way to the wardrobe when Liz finally found her voice again.

“You really don’t have to, Ress’..”

No matter how tired he was, there was no way he wouldn’t notice the slight note of hope that had joined her voice.

And he wouldn’t let that slip away.

“It’s fine Liz. Let’s see if my charming aura is able to turn the munchkins head - preferably with her eyes getting closed again.”

——

Fifteen minutes later, Agnes was still hiding under a pillow on the couch, not wanting to get up and possibly face the terrifying spider.

“Honey, I’m sure your little guest left already. Through the window, the door..” Liz said sitting down next to her, stroking her daughters little arm.

Her eyes shifted to the clock. It was already half past 11 and her eyes became heavier with every minute that passed. But not only they did. She could feel every single bone in her body aching, pleading for at least some hours of sleep. Some hours of rest. 'To hell with Reddington and his cat and mouse games' she thought. The main reason why they had to travel that much to follow their target was Reddington - what a surprise. They had been so close, already close enough to catch the guy. But Red decided to do the man a favor and play his own game.

Again.

“No mommy, the spiwder didn’t go awawy...” Agnes answered in a muffled voice, the pillow still pressed on top of her face.

It was only when they heard a gentle knock on the front door when she abruptly pulled her protection shield away and looked up at her mother, the eyes wide.

“Can spiwders knock on doors???”

“No, they can’t. I promise” Liz said getting up “But I know someone who can.” she ran her fingers through her daughters hair and walked to the door.

When she opened it she was immediately greeted by the warmth her partner - who was leaning on the doorframe - always was surrounded with. At least to her.

He looked good and bad at the same time. Wearing a dark blue sweater and a black pair of jeans he looked so different than she was used to. And she loved it. She could hardly believe there was anything he couldn’t wear - she just still wasn’t sure of the imagination of him in tights yet.

But she could tell he was exhausted, even more than her. They had to do most of the traveling by car and while she got at least some hours of sleep in their endless car driving sessions, Ressler always insisted on being the driver.

Suddenly Liz felt even worse for calling him.

“Hey you” Ressler said, tilting his head slightly and offering her a smile. “Your knight on the white horse has come to save the day.. Okay, more like the night.”

Smiling softly, Liz placed a hand on his upper arm.

“I can’t believe I really did this to you.. you look pretty bad.”

“Thanks, that’s what I love to hear. Guess my attempt to look bearable has failed, huh?“ His eyebrows raised in seriousness but Liz could catch a small grin on his lips.

Why was she even looking at his lips?

“Nah, your look is.. okay” She said with a quick wink “But you deserve at least some hours on your own, getting some sleep, before we have to go out there again..”

Resslers grin turned into a caring smile “And so do you, which is why we’re doing this together now.”

With these words he entered the apartment, just to be immediately seen by the reason of his showing up herself.

“Donnie!” Agnes let go of the pillow, standing up on the couch. Still afraid of touching the ground again, she reached out to their visitor.

“Heyy sweetheart, there you are!” Ressler was with her in a few steps, picking her up. The kid reflexively wrapped her arms around him and snuggled her face into his neck.

Liz heart warmed at the sight of her daughter cuddling into her partners arms like this. It always did. Every time Agnes was with him she seemed happy in a way she rarely was. Both of them did.

She could tell the little girl felt safe with Ressler, especially when she was in his arms. That was something mother and daughter had in common.

“I’ve heard there’s some intruder who’s sneaking around here?” Ressler said, loosening himself a bit from the munchkin to be able to face her. Still clinging to him Agnes nodded.

“There‘s a biwg spiwder..”

“Eww, we don’t want spiders in our rooms, right?”

She shook her head in agreement “But mommy saiwd it’s gone.. it‘s hiding somewhere!“

“Hmm.. Let’s take a look then” He leaned closer to her ear “See if mommy’s eyes aren’t so good anymore.”

Agnes giggled, while Liz gently slapped Resslers arm, before folding her own ones. “Hey, I heard that! It’s not like I’m 80 or something - in fact you are the oldest one here.”

“The older the wiser.” Ressler simply said, already moving to Agnes’ room.

He quickly scanned the room for its best hiding spots and looked them up. The little girl still refused to get on the floor again, but since she could stay in the arms of one of her favorite playmates, she stopped whimpering. Liz went through the room herself once more, with as less luck as before. And so did Ressler.

Ten minutes later they gave up.

“I told you..” Liz sighed, rubbing her eyes. 'Stop burning' she thought. Her daughter kept looking back and forth between the partners, clearly expecting them to come up with a solution.

It was just when she was about to start complaining again that Ressler sat down on the edge of her bed.

“You know what sweetheart?” placing her on his lap, he looked around. “Your bed is the perfect place for a fortress.”

“A fowrtress?” Agnes followed his gaze.

“Yeah. Look, when you don’t know where the enemy you’re fighting is hiding, you protect yourself. You’re simply hiding better - just as if you would play hide and seek.”

Nodding slightly, but still being a bit unsure, the girl looked up at him again.

“In this case, the enemy we’re fighting is soo weak, you’re way stronger than it. And smarter all the way.” He poked her nose and earned a smile “So, if we build a cave on top of your bed - like a little fortresses - you’ll be safe and win the game.”

Liz couldn’t help but smile. ‘Good move, mr. Iamjustdoingmyjob. You know how much she loves building caves.’

Soon after, Agnes eyes were full of excitement while she was happily throwing every pillow she had on top of her bed. Liz and Ressler didn’t need to do much, they just brought her some of the bigger pillows which belonged to the couch so her cave would be build on some stable ground.

Leaning in the doorframe the adults watched their little one finishing her work.

“Done!” Agnes called proudly, crawling into her safe space and looking at them.

“It looks amazing honey” her mother said, kneeling down in front of her daughters bed so she wouldn’t destroy the building.

“You think you can sleep now?”

Snuggling into her blanket, Agnes nodded, her eyes suddenly becoming heavy again.

“Looks like someone’s adrenaline rush is over now” Ressler went over to them, sitting down next to Liz.

It was kinda hard to decide who he should watch in this moment. The adorable little girl who was laying in front of them and showed him one more time how much she trusted him, or her mother - his partner - who looked so lost in thought that he could tell she wasn’t in this room anymore.

Both seeings were cute in his opinion.

“...And you’re suwre it won’t hurwt me..?“

Liz flinched a bit, clearly getting ripped out of her deep thoughts she was in. None of them had realized Agnes wasn’t fully asleep yet. Before she could even react, Ressler made her heart swell once more.

“It won’t. Pinky promise.” He gently brushed a strand of hair out of the munchkins face and leaned over, placing a lovely kiss on her forehead. The girl smiled, satisfied, and finally drifted into a deep sleep.