#it's not really their fault
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My sister and I have the same birthday and it’s cool because people will be like, “Oh, are you twins?” And I get to say, “No! I ruined a five year old’s birthday.”
#actually she was really excited that I was her birthday present#also I was two week overdue so it’s my own fault
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Don't Call Me That
Dick isn't entirely sure what it is about their newest teenaged recruit Phantom, but the guy absolutely gives him the creeps.
He knows it isn't the implication of a realm of ghosts being a real thing, no matter how much that implication has rattled his brain. But it is something, something else.
There was just some kind of certain air surrounding Phantom that tended to put Dick on edge whenever they're near each other.
It also doesn't help that the guy has the tendency to do things normal people wouldn't really do. Things like talking to the empty air like he's having a genuine conversation or staring off into one spot of the room like a cat watching a corner of the wall while hunting.
Things like bringing sudden chills to Dicks skin whenever he passes by or the way he seems to constantly breathe out cold air like a dragon for the fun of it.
Dick has caught him doing all of these things multiple times and most times, despite scaring him slightly, they were just harmless things about his newest team-mate.
But right now it wasn't really about that at all. Right now he's more annoyed than afraid of him.
For some reason recently, Phantom has been greeting him by his old hero persona rather than his new one. And its been eating at Dick every single time it happens, being reminded of the time he had first switched costumes and names to distance himself from Batman as a whole.
Except this time the person saying it had never even MET him in his original suit, so having Phantom calling him Robin was aggravating him faster than any of the other more important issues he should be dealing with were.
Dick originally attributed to it possibly being some sort of hero worship that he was going through, an attempt to impress him with his past history as knowledge. God knows, Tim wasn't any better when he had first met the poor kid at his doorway all those years ago.
But then Phantom had revealed that he hadn't even known Gotham was a real city nor did he know who Batman was up until a few months ago. That had set Dicks mental alarm bells off all over again.
It was weird all over and since it was just outright weird, Dick had decided to pull him aside to talk to the younger teen about it.
"I would appreciate it if you didn't call me by that name, Phantom" He had started off, watching as Phantom went through confused faces to figure out what this conversation was about. Dick just continued on.
"The name, Robin, is just really special to me and my family. And I stopped going by that name years ago, it would feel wrong to be called that again when I've outgrown it."
Phantom looked less confused now as it seemed to click altogether about what he had been talking about. The teen tilted his head at him, looking over him for a second before doing another one of his cat stares at the dead air behind him.
Dick just sighed for a moment but watched as Phantom came back into focus and genuinely looked somewhat apologetic.
"I'm sorry," Phantom started off sheepishly, eyes looking towards the floor for a second before looking back at his. "I didn't know you both went by that name at some point. I had mostly been greeting the little ghost attached to your side, not you, sir"
Dick froze at the wording, looking at Phantom with wide eyes. Phantom just continued without even looking at him.
"He always seems to be around you a lot and he was excited when he realized I could see him so I started greeting him whenever he was with you. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfy doing so."
Dicks breath hitched a bit before eventually choking out all the questions he had trapped in his throat. The suddenness made Phantoms eyes land back on his face again.
"What... What little boy? Did he say his name? What was he wearing?"
Phantom tilted his head again at Dick, looking more confused at Dicks confusion.
"What do you mean? It's Robin wearing the Robin costume?"
Phantom suddenly looked over to the dead air behind him again for a second, nodding his head and humming a bit before turning his attention back to Dick.
"He told me to say 'Big Bird you're such a dolt' to you. I don't know what that means but-"
Dick couldn't hear anything else Phantom was even saying to him. His breathing stopped and all he could feel was a small chill behind him, seemingly surrounding him in a small way that reminded him of a certain boys hug.
"Jason?"
#dcxdp#dc x dp crossover#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#ghost jason todd#but like in a funny way#kinda#lol#Basically Danny can see Jasons ghost around Dick#Dick thinks its a hallucination but really its Jason for the first few times#until hes brought back to life anyway#anytime Dick sees Jason after that its absolutely his mental healths fault#Danny just thinks this baby ghost is choosing to haunt his favorite hero#and he thinks its adorable#hes also NOT gonna not greet a little ghostling theyre all adorable and he rarely sees one outside the realms#Dick almost chokes when Danny tells him whos haunting him#Before bursting into tears at the idea of Jason haunting him#out of all the options#its alot
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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another random thing that stands out to me rewatching Steven Universe as an adult:
throughout the show there's this clear Vibe that Steven has inherited some big magical destiny, right? and it makes sense narratively: he's the son of Rose Quartz, leader of the rebellion, now being raised by her friends who were the last remaining survivors of an interstellar war. he's like a human child in most ways, except he has magical powers that start to become more obvious as he's getting older. no one like him has ever existed before. it's a big deal. raising him and figuring out how he's going to grow is its own unique challenge, because nobody knows what to expect. so of course there's this magical destiny vibe, given all that.
What's interesting to me, though, is that this magical destiny is in no way literally, physically present in the story, it's just something everyone kinda feels. Like, there's not some ancient prophecy about a half-gem, half-human savior. He's not the Chosen One in any literal sense, he just happens to give off Chosen One vibes. And I say that's interesting because it means that the fact he was kinda raised with this Chosen One vibe is completely a decision everyone around him made, for better or for worse. And the show is aware of this, because the weight of Rose's legacy and everyone's expectations of him is a constant theme, and as Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl all grow and develop, they also realize the downsides of them putting those expectations on a child. Like, Steven spends his whole childhood being told about how great Rose was, and how because he's inherited her gem he will probably inherit her powers - and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Imagine how awful things could have been if Steven had no exposure to the Gems and no knowledge of what they were or how they worked, and then his powers started coming in? It was hard enough even when he was surrounded by the most qualified Gem Experts on Earth. But being primed for all of this "you're going to have your mother's magical powers" stuff put a heavy weight on his shoulders, and then the fact that nobody else quite knew how his abilities worked meant he was constantly faced with the adults in his life looking to him with concern because they didn't know what was happening with him. That's gotta leave an impression on a kid - and, well, throughout the show and especially in SU Future we definitely see that it does.
I like the way the show handles the pressure that's put on him, and the fact that everyone is just... trying their best in a completely unprecedented situation. Nobody knows what to do or how to raise this kid, and that inevitably causes problems but everyone is trying. And Steven can feel that everyone is trying without knowing what to do and he just wants to help and not be a burden and none of his caretakers have said that he's a burden but he can feel everyone's confusion and concern and the expectations he's not living up to and he cares so much, about everyone, about everything. He's in an extremely unique position that grants him opportunities to help that nobody else has, and he feels like he's failing everyone if he can't fulfill that, and in the end it never should have been his job to fix things but somebody had to try. Somebody had to try, and he was one of the only people with the ability to stop the Diamonds, stop the war, stop the lies, stop his world and everyone on it from being destroyed... and he was just a kid.
#i feel so protective of this kid watching as an adult like holy shit#so much terrible shit happens to him. it's nobody's fault. it's everybody's fault.#it's destiny but it's a choice. it's necessary but it's really not. it's all about steven but it never actually was.#the show handles the contradictory nature of things well i think. everyone's feelings and relationships are complex and nuanced#ghost speaks#steven universe
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I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt
“Woah. You look like shit."
Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.
The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.
"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."
And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.
The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.
If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.
"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.
"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.
"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.
The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.
He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."
There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.
"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."
Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"
"Daniel? Is that you?"
His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.
#I AM LOUDLY PUSHING THE BATDAD AGENDA#anyways— add ons are encouraged i wanna talk more dpxdc with folks i just cant find any aus i really like enough to engage with#which is nobody's fault and its why im making my own content in order to reach more people#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpdc#dc x dp#dpxdc prompts#i took a ‘which batfam member are you (except its personal)’ quiz a few days ago#and got bruce wayne. and then was promptly read to filth why im most like him and it rudely but accurately explained why im the most like#him. it also consequently explained to me why i like him so much. whenever i see him in his kindest form i see a mirror looking back#anyways lots of ‘danny rejecting bruce as a parent’ aus. may i present: bruce and danny finding family in each other aus. batdad aus pls.#dpxdc prompt#dcxdp#this prompt can take place at any point of Batkid accumulation but personally i was imagining this as before Bruce has any of his kids yet#eldest brother danny supremacy and also just that one on one bonding#danny being someone who was never afraid of the dark as a kid and even less so as he got older. taking solace in it as a ghost because you#cant hide in the dark when you glow. his enemies can't jump out at him. but he can jump out at them. how can he be afraid of the dark when#the dark is where the stars like to live? there's a comfort in the shadows. there might be something hiding in it. but he's hiding in it to#blood blossoms eat ghosts headcanon#wasn't sure where i was gonna go with this at the beginning and then i caught steam.#batman casually kidnaps an orphan upon kid's request. also the kid was Actively Dying Of Poison. What was he gonna do?? NOT help him?#mister 'keeps candy in his utility belt specifically for scared children'??? no way.
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Honestly he should know what glooby means by this point. Everyone knows what glooby means
#my art#deltarune#tenna#We need to congratulate Mike Et Al Deltarune for being the most difficult to tag character(s) of all time I need to think about this.#small mike#battat mike#battat#That's probably enough.#deltarune spoilers#dt#This post dedicated (Not really) to the fact that the glooby clip that I muted notifications on apparently has 1 bajillion notes.#I determined this because I kept occasionally gaining followers for unclear reasons. I guess it was glooby's fault.#IDK why bro is just sitting on the ground I don't want to draw furniture. Any other circumstance and Mike would need a ladder.
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The books reveal that Ford is actually a secret partier
(Available as a print on my Etsy Shop)
(wips under cut)
#doctorsiren#gravity falls#the book of bill#billford#journal 3#stanford pines#bill cipher#jheselbraum the unswerving#gravity falls fanart#digital art#my art#procreate#RAHH MY LOVE FOR MAKING MIDCENTURY-STYLE ART AT TIMES CAME IN SUPER HANDY#I think I surprised myself here 😳#(also don’t take this as shipping him and Jhes 😭💀 that’s his space fish mom 😁)#in the book of bill. obviously he and bill get drunk that time#and then in the 3rd journal#it says that after Jhes told him he had the face of the man who would defeat bill (meaning stanley lmao)#he ‘was so excited’ that he and Jhes ‘spent the entire night partying and drinking cosmic sand’#it’s funny bc Jhes is described as speaking with a steely resolve and is very calm#so it’s silly to me to picture her partying haha#I might make this one a print as well bc I really love how it looks#I’ll print it out tomorrow and decide if it’ll work well enough :) if it does I’ll put it on my shop#😭 the bill…his thumb is backwards BUT THATS NOT MY FAULT THATS LITERALLY HOW IT IS IN THE BOOK OF BILL PAGE THAT I REFERENCEDTHIS FROM WAHH#he can do whatever he wants ig
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wild life
#sorry its so gem + tuff guys + bamboozlers focused#its my fault#i like them too much#trafficblr#wild life#wlsmp#geminitay#grian#skizzleman#mumbo jumbo#goodtimeswithscar#jimmy solidarity#martyn inthelittlewood#bigbst4tz2#ethoslab#tangotek#bdoubleo100#ldshadowlady#pearlescentmoon#life series smp#wild life spoilers#like not really but they are. to me#traffic text posts
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bottom with tears in their eyes who's visibly holding themselves back from saying i love you way, way too early
#me. im talking about me#sorry that really good sex feels the same as love to me??? as if its my fault#bitts posts
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slowlyy getting through the game !

love them all. I hope nothing bad happens to them
#me being slow is not the game's fault I love it very much#!!!! I MEAN it#so whimsical#isat#in stars and time#isat isabeau#isat siffrin#isat loop#isat odile#madame odile <3333#also siffrin is really fun to draw hehe
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Danny, calmly, not facing the person he is speaking to. “As I’ve told you before, ghosts are beings made of emotion: when we feel things, we feel them 100%. While we can work on regulation and control, it influences even our speech on a metaphysical level, sometimes to the point of projection. Hence the need for control.”
Person: …
Danny, turning. “So when I say: ‘fuck you, get lost you bastard’,” Danny says, pushing his anger, hurt, and frustration into the words deliberately to where the other person is hit with it like a physical blow, “you know how much I mean it, with everything I am.”
#danny phantom#danny fenton#i was reading a fic#name of the fic#contractual obligations#it had John Constantine as Danny’s bio dad#but this popped in my brain#Danny would have to be older than the somewhat hotheaded juvenile he is in the show for the control aspect#part of me wants bitter dead on main or death defying#dead on main#death defying ship#dpxdc#miscommunication#idk#maybe they are actually at fault#redemption#but sometimes things can’t get fixed in the way you want…#it’s really versatile and I very much want to read more myself#op#fanfic
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Also, to be clear, I don't think fanfiction is to blame for the overwhelming amount of meh cosy fiction or romance out there. Fanfiction and the folks who write it aren't doing anything wrong. I think it's due to the publishing industry's desire to sell you something you would otherwise be reading for free.
That's my ultimate hot take.
#also I think the cosy trend stems from an overwhelming amount of unprocessed Covid and other related events trauma#and again that is not the fault of the writer or the reader#but I DO think being sold a fiction where it's easy to run a bookstore and also you are an elf isn't really helping folks mentally#and it does worry me when it overtakes everything else#okay that's it that's my true hot take
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Bruce shares custody of Tim with Harley Quinn
Yeah, you read that right. Gotham’s broodiest billionaire vigilante and the queen of chaotic energy are co-parenting Tim Drake. And, somehow, that’s not even the weirdest thing that's happened to the bats this year.
Why? Two words: Joker Junior.
The details are locked down tighter than the Batcave, but here’s what everyone knows (or guesses): Joker broke Tim in ways none of them can fathom. He didn’t just try to kill him—he tried to make Tim like him. And while Tim clawed his way back from the brink, he didn’t do it alone. Harley was there.
She was part of the nightmare. And then, unexpectedly, she was part of the healing. She stepped in, helped Tim survive when Joker was doing his worst. When it was all over, when Joker was (temporarily) gone, she didn’t vanish into Gotham’s chaos. She stayed.
And somehow, somewhere along the way, Tim started calling her “Mom.”
And Bruce didn’t stop him.
Cue the Batfamily losing their collective minds.
Dick is pacing the Batcave, gesturing wildly. “Bruce, this is Harley Quinn we’re talking about! You don’t just co-parent with a rogue! There are laws against this! Or, like, there should be!”
Jason is sitting on the Batmobile, arms crossed, voice dripping with disbelief. “She’s literally a former rogue. She tried to kill you! Like, more than once. This is insane, even for you.”
Steph is perched on the edge of a desk, trying (and failing) not to laugh. “Okay, but, like, can you blame Tim? Harley does make amazing pancakes. Better than Alfred’s, honestly—”
A scandalized gasp echoes from the other side of the room.
Cass just watches quietly, her head tilted, but there’s a small, knowing smile on her face. She gets it. She’s seen the way Tim softens around Harley, how he relaxes in a way he doesn’t around anyone else.
Damian glares at Bruce like he’s lost his last shred of common sense. “Father, you have truly surpassed yourself. Allowing that woman into the sanctity of our home—”
Duke raises a hand cautiously. “Okay, but can we at least talk about how Tim basically has diplomatic immunity now? No rogue in Gotham is gonna mess with him. He’s Harley’s kid!”
And it’s true. Between Harley’s reputation and Poison Ivy stepping in as Tim’s unofficial stepmom (because of course she and Harley got back together), the rogues have adopted a weird kind of reverence for him. Tim’s no longer just a bat to them—he’s Harley’s kid.
Picture this: Tim’s out on patrol, and Riddler has the gall to interrupt with a riddle—only to end it with, “You’re sharper than I thought, kid. Guess Harley taught you well, huh?” before disappearing into the night.
Harley’s brand of parenting is chaotic but deeply personal. She knows Tim’s tells, the way his hands shake when he’s overwhelmed or the too-quiet moments when he’s retreating into himself. She’s the one who sits cross-legged on the floor with him, working on puzzles and cracking jokes until the tension lifts.
She carries extra band-aids in her purse because “Ya never know when a fight with some thug is gonna leave ya with a paper cut!” She also leaves sticky notes on his projects with scribbled messages like “You’re a genius, baby boy!” or “Don’t forget snacks!” They’re goofy, sure, but they make Tim smile when he needs it most. She keeps a stash of snacks in the Manor because Tim forgets to eat when he’s working. She shows up with pancakes at 3 a.m., douses everything in syrup, and calls him “baby boy” in that soft tone that makes Tim feel… safe.
Even Harley’s chaos has an odd kind of comfort to it. She’ll burst into the Manor unannounced, dragging Tim into impromptu “self-care parties” with face masks, bad rom-coms, and every flavor of ice cream imaginable. Somehow, it works.
Ivy, on the other hand, balances Harley’s energy with her own structured nurturing. She insists on “proper nutrition” and occasionally sends Tim home with meal prep containers filled with organic, eco-friendly food labeled things like “Stress-Busting Smoothie” or “Brain-Boosting Soup.” If Bruce raises an eyebrow at it, Ivy simply reminds him that “The human body can only fight crime properly with the right fuel, Bats.”
One time, she cornered Bruce in the greenhouse, pointing an accusatory finger. “If you send Tim out on patrol without a proper meal or at least six hours of sleep, I swear, Bruce, your rose garden is compost.”
And while Harley is the queen of hugs and chaos, Ivy is the one who sits with Tim on the porch at night, talking softly about resilience and regrowth, using plant metaphors Tim pretends not to understand but secretly finds comforting. Once, after a particularly bad night, she gifted him a small cactus with a note: “Even when it feels like the world is trying to tear you apart, you’re stronger than you think. Also, low maintenance, like you.”
Bruce knows the family doesn’t fully understand. But as he watches Harley teaching Tim how to make lasagna one night, the two of them laughing as the kitchen turns into a war zone of flour and tomato sauce, he doesn’t regret it.
Sometimes family doesn’t look like you think it will. Sometimes it’s stitched together from the most unexpected pieces.
And sometimes, it’s an ex-rogue, a traumatized teen, and a brooding billionaire all trying to figure out how to keep the lasagna from burning.
Welcome to Gotham.
#tim drake#batfam#harley quinn#pamela isley#poison ivy#joker junior tim#chaotic parenting#harley becomes tim's mom after the incident and bruce can't deny tim of choosing to have her in his life#I need a fic of this so bad#i want to see good parents harley and ivy while the rest of the bats try to pry tim away from them because they dont really get it yet#harley and ivy become tims favorite comfort people#the bats are in shambles#dick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TIM WOULD RATHER CUDDLE HARLEY INSTEAD OF ME?!#jason: you can't even fault him for that honestly i get it#everyone is scandalized when they try harley's food for the first time because it's actually really good and almost on par with alfred's
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Okay but do you know what really gets me?
There's no one left in-universe who can or will talk about Jaybin as he really was.
Bruce is the founder of the Jaybin Slander Department;
Alfred is no better.
Dick wasn't around much, didn't know him that well.
If Barbara ever interacted with him in his original run, I haven't found it yet.
I mean, he had some interactions with the Teen Titans, but was he really close with any of them?
I suppose Gordon could, assuming he isn't in on the Jason-bashing. I haven't seen it but I could be missing something.
And, well, Jason... somehow, I don't think anyone's asking Jason what he was like as a kid, nor is he really a reliable source. Autobiographical memory is weird.
No one in-universe will ever really talk about this bright, friendly, eager kid, and it's a tragedy.
He was smart and clever and had so much compassion.
He wanted so badly to help people, and he found joy in his work as Robin.
He had a dramatic flair and he was kind of a nerd and he was really funny on occasion.
He was so deeply, fundamentally good, and the fact that somehow his legacy has been twisted into one of anger and recklessness is honestly a crime.
It makes me so desperately sad that there's not a single character who can even start to undo the lasting damage of a four-decade smear campaign against a kid who did nothing to deserve it.
#warrior's thoughts#jason todd#bruce wayne#jaybin#jaybin readthrough#comics#it's all jim starlin's fault btw#the way he writes jason does not align with any of jason's other appearances in contemporary books#every time dc writes something about jason being angry or reckless as a child an angel loses their wings#he has his moments of anger but it's not like he's not justified in those#also he's 12-15; i feel like some anger is normal at that age#and a lot of his seemingly reckless moments were actually calculated; he just didn't lay out the plan for bruce before doing it#jim starlin is the only writer who writes jason the way he does. everyone else seemed to understand that this was a good kid#it's really jarring to go from batman 413 to batman 415 (jay doesn't appear in 414) because of the stark difference in how jay is written#genuine question for mr starlin if you didn't like the character of robin why did you agree to write batman?#i can't be too upset; i really like red hood and it's only because jim starlin hated jason that we got utrh in the first place#but the character assassination of jaybin is just depressing#(btw if you want me to figure out image sources lmk i did not keep track lol)#also i should note that it is implied that dick and jason were actually pretty close#we just don't get to see much of it#so all we have are those implications. same with babs actually - she never appears in the jaybin era#but later comics (and her presence at his funeral) suggest they knew each other
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i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.
it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.
at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.
even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.
when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.
the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.
you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?
and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?
and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."
how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.
i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.
i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?
#spilled ink#warm up#tbh more of a diary than a poem#i need to write this stuff down bc my ptsd likes to forget trauma pretty much WHILE it's happening#and any time i find myself making it ''my fault'' again i have to walk myself through the grounding steps#it's so hard to describe emotional abuse. bc it's so fucking easy to get sucked into#like. you're an empathetic person. so when ur partner comes to you after a nasty fight and is like#“i really was trying to get my feelings heard and you didn't hear me last night” you're like - okay you know what#i'll do the right thing. this is my fault. let me take accountability and try to empathize and talk things out.#with the assumption that later - it'll be ''your turn'' right. you'll be able to bring up the screaming and talk about how#you BOTH need to make a safe space for each other. that you can't listen if your partner is literally shouting at you.#since YOU reflect and grow and try to be a better partner. you assume SHE will be doing the same thing.#but it is never your turn. she will never bring up the screaming. you cannot tell if she LEGIT just doesn't feel culpable.#and when u bring it up. she says ''so i deserved you talking to me badly? <- this doesn't go well.#she says you're blaming her. she doesn't understand that arguments are ''two sides and the truth''. it's that 1 person is right and 1 isn't#so u try to talk it out. get both perspectives heard. but over time it just becomes easier to let her get her rant out and shut up about u#until one day you wake up and despite months of treating you terribly - and admitting it 3 weeks ago!!! - she's now saying...#you were always terrible . you were always the issue. she never got her feelings heard.#meanwhile you remember literally MONTHS of supporting her and listening to her and silencing yourself.#and bc she TRAINED you to accept fault ... you just say sorry. you feel insane. you feel incredibly unhinged.#meanwhile. i fully am the kind of person that will reflect. come back after a fight. apologize before you ask. say things like#“i see your side now and i was wrong about this/that/the other thing.” ...... this is EMOTIONAL MATURITY.#she literally started calling it ''mindgames'' and ''flip flopping." ........#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#<- girl who def was emotionally abused but also doesn't really understand that yet#anyway love u get OUT OF THERE IF YOU RELATE BYE!!!!
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with the gravity falls renaissance i feel like something people don’t really discuss about its success is the fact that alex hirsch had a final say on the story. the reason gravity falls flows so well and had such a well-executed and satisfying ending is because its creator had control of when and where it ended. the reason so many modern day cartoons (and to an extent, shows in general) feel rushed or poorly executed or what have you is because their creators can’t do that. they’re canceled too soon and made to scramble to finish their stories in the remaining limited time they’re given, if they’re even given that opportunity at all. gravity falls isn’t necessarily timeless or one of a kind because of some creative magic, it is those things largely because it cannot be physically recreated due to the modern industry’s disrespect of creators and the medium as a whole
#icarus speaks#idk i really dislike people bashing on more modern cartoons and shows#when so much of it is genuinely not the fault of the showrunners#like. we KNOW how heavily alex was censored. can you imagine what it’s like now#when creators literally have to sacrifice their life’s work for the opportunity to represent themselves in their shows
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