#it's not like streaming isn't fun I'm just too anxious to be in any kind of spotlight or visibility or presence among people

[fly-sky-high-arts]

Thanks for stopping by on my stream! I hope I can do this every Wednesday from now on! Maybe I'll try some different time of going live as in a bit later than today but keep the streams relatively couple of hours or so long

Here are the samples I intend to use and have drawn on stream~

Once again, these are meant to help Iyad and Ruba in their fundraiser. In case you want to contribute, please send the donation here. I'm trying my best to juggle a lot of things irl while also doing what ever I can to help these two families, their lives depend on everyone pitching in to help

So... thank you.

[lucy90712]

Can you do a pedri x gf!reader imagine where she’s with him during all of The Residency shoot & sees that the girl social media worker has been getting a little too close for comfort. Gf tries to stay calm the whole time until she finally snaps & then she thinks pedri is gonna be upset at her but he’s actually really turned on by the fact that she’s territorial of him

A/n: I changed it up a bit as I don’t usually write stuff like this so I hope it’s ok

WC: 2.1k

Yesterday afternoon Pedri asked me to go with him to his shoot with the residency today because he gets a bit awkward when on camera so he wanted me to be there so there was a familiar face in the room. Of course I agreed to go as I always love spending time with him and I think it's sweet that he wants me there but I'm definitely a little bit nervous too. I have always been really anxious about meeting new people so to be in a room full of them is a bit nerve wracking for me but I am going to be there for Pedri and I'm sure everything will be fine.

This morning Pedri had training which he brought me to as well because we had to go to the shoot right after. I haven't been to one of his training sessions in a long time so it was nice to see the whole team as I get on with them all really well. Getting to talk to the guys before we had to leave relaxed me as I remembered meeting them all and being so nervous but I survived and now we are all good friends so I will be fine with meeting the crew for the shoot. They all knew where we were going so they told us to have fun and Robert told me to make sure I enjoy myself as he knows how anxious I get. Pablo also sent me a smile which didn't need any words with it as I knew what he was trying to say. 

On the drive Pedri kept me talking about anything other than the shoot and he held my hand tightly to keep me distracted which he is very good at. Once we arrived the crew all came outside to greet us and Pedri got out the car first to say hi before opening my door for me and introducing me to everyone. My anxiety faded quite quickly as everyone was so lovely and they were more interested in Pedri which meant I was able to just blend into the background and take some time to calm down. We all went inside and Pedri got his hair done while someone else explained everything they would be doing which started off with a live stream and then they wanted him to film some TikToks which I just know Pedri will hate. 

"Amor do you want to be on camera?" Pedri asked 

Our relationship is semi public so people know we are together but we don't often post with each other only on special occasions. Most pictures of us together are taken by other people as I don't like to put myself out there too much as I only ever get hate anyway. So being part of a live stream isn't really up my alley but I don't mind if I'm seen in the background.

"I would prefer to not be but I don't mind being seen in the background" I said 

"Thats ok we can keep you out of shot" one of the men there said 

"Thank you" I said 

Once Pedri was ready they got everything up and started the live stream so I sat out of the shot but somewhere were I could still see what was going on. Things started off simply as they got Pedri to play some fifa which he does a lot at home so that made him more relaxed and I could tell he was starting to really enjoy himself. Whenever he scored he looked over in my direction to see my reaction like he does when we are at home so I gave him a big smile which he returned. After the game they made him do karaoke which even I've never seen before as he refuses every time we go out, it was so hard not to laugh at him but I held back my laughter as not to disrupt anything. 

The next thing on the list was a Q&A but most of the questions were things I've heard him answer a million times so I kind of lost focus and started paying attention to other things. As I was doing so I noticed the girl that's part of the team getting rather close to Pedri. I'm used to seeing things like this as fans quite often get close to Pedri or other girls when we go out places but they never go too far so it doesn't really bother me. This girl however was already getting on my nerves as she was constantly staring at him like not taking her eyes off of him. She was also sat really close to Pedri and I could tell he was feeling uncomfortable with her so close but she didn't take the hint, if anything she got closer to him. 

Now that I've noticed it I have found myself constantly looking and getting more annoyed by the second. The girl then touched his hand which he instantly moved out the way but I could feel the jealousy and anger coursing through my veins. I'm not one for confrontation in fact I would usually do anything to avoid it but this girl was really getting on my nerves. She was touching my man right in front of my face without a care in the world which is driving me insane. I know Pedri would never even entertain this on any normal day but today he can't do anything without looking like an asshole in front of thousands of fans on the livestream which is so unfair as this girl is definitely taking advantage of that. If it were possible there would definitely be steam coming out of my ears but it's not so instead I can feel my cheeks heating up in anger. 

Eventually after what felt like hours of torture the livestream ended and Pedri was finally able to escape that girl and come over to where I was sat. He sat next to me and put his arm loosely around my waist which made me feel a whole lot better. As much as I hate what this girl is doing Pedri has done nothing wrong and I need to remember that he loves me not this other girl. Having him by my side made me feel so much better as all of his attention was on me and not on that other girl and he was telling me how he is actually willing to do karaoke with me now. We were having a good time and he was just about to kiss me when the girl came over and rudely interrupted by telling Pedri that they had to get back to filming now. He whispered that he was sorry and the look in his eyes told me that he felt bad but it didn't stop the anger building up in me again. 

She dragged him away from me and outside so I had to follow behind and find somewhere to sit but everywhere I went to sit she made someone move to get in my way. In the end I gave up and just sat on my phone but I made sure to keep an eye on what was going on as I'm no fool so I'm not taking my eyes off that girl. Having my eyes on her made absolutely no difference as she was getting more and more touchy by the second. Instead of just asking Pedri to move to where he was needed she put her hands on his chest and I swear I saw her drag her hand down his abs but that could just be the jealousy taking over.

The longer I was sat there watching the more I felt like I had to do something. My last boyfriend cheated on me because I was too soft and I just let him go out with all these girls because I trusted him but I'm not going to let that happen again. I trust Pedri I really do but I'm not going let some girl take advantage of that he's my boyfriend and she needs to be respectful of that and leave him alone. As they were filming I was thinking about all the outrageous things I could do to put this girl in her place most of which were absolutely crazy and would probably get me arrested and definitely ruin Pedri's reputation but then I thought of a great idea that wasn't too much but got my message across. 

As if the world was reading my mind they stopped filming to take a quick break, I didn't need telling twice so I put my plan into action. I got myself up and wandered over to Pedri with a level of sass I don't think I've ever reached before in my life but it felt great. I walked straight over to Pedri and put my hand on his chest as I stood in front of him which took him by surprise as I don't think I've ever acted like this in my life let alone around him. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that the girl was staring at the both of us so I put the rest of my plan into action and got on my toes to kiss Pedri. He was still in shock so I was able to kiss him more passionately which helped me release some of the anger I was feeling and it was definitely annoying the girl which is a huge bonus. 

After I pulled away Pedri smiled at me and pressed another kiss to my lips before the girl said they were going to start filming again so I walked away and went back to my position on the outside chair. As I sat down my rush of adrenaline dissipated and along with it went all the extra confidence I had just gathered leaving me feeling awful about what I just did. I'm really not one to do something like that and I'm not really sure why I did it, I mean it's not like Pedri was paying any attention to this girl and we won't ever see her again so it doesn't matter if she was touchy or not. Guilt flowed through my body as I realised that in the heat of the moment I made a stupid decision that probably doesn't paint me in the best light if someone were to tell the story without my side. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion and I can't believe I let myself get carried away with it Pedri probably thinks I'm some psycho now as he's never seen me act in such a way in the whole time we've known each other. 

For the rest of the shoot I just sat quietly letting my thoughts take over so when it was finally time for us to leave I politely thanked all the crew and said goodbye before getting out of there as quickly as humanly possible. I was silent on the drive home too as I was still feeling bad about overreacting like that and trying to think of what I could say to Pedri to apologise for embarrassing him in front of a brand he works with. When we arrived home I went straight inside to start making dinner as I feel like I need to do something nice for Pedri to help him forgive me for acting like a crazy woman. 

"Amor is everything ok?" Pedri asked

"Yeah everything's fine" I replied bluntly 

"Come on I know somethings up you were so quiet on the drive home, if it's that girl I promise I would've done more to push her away if I could but I only love you you know that right" he said 

"It's not that I feel awful for acting the way I did" I admitted 

"What do you mean?" He asked 

"The way I kissed you just to get her to back off I shouldn't have done that because it just makes you look bad but I just got so carried away with my jealousy that I couldn't stop myself I'm sorry" I said 

"There's no need to be sorry baby you didn't do anything wrong you just kissed me which you're allowed to do plus I thought it was hot the way you wanted to show her I'm yours" he said 

"Really you didn't think it was too much" I questioned 

"No I loved it you're so hot when you get jealous plus that kiss was amazing 10/10 I might have to make you jealous again so you'll kiss me like that" he joked 

"Please don't do that I can kiss you like that without being jealous" I said 

"Well go on then" he smirked 

[sagesariadnd]

Please Watch March on Faewunder. I Just Think It's Neat.

I'm waiting on a few things before I start posting pictures like I promised, so in the meantime, I have a recommendation if you're looking for a D&D actual play show that isn't one of the Big Three.

I've fairly recently started dipping my toes into the World of Io, a collection of streamed short campaigns set in the DM's homebrew world of, well, Io. I started with, and am still in the middle of, March on Faewunder. I started it because my current parasocial squish Tom Fawkes is in it, and I'm sticking with it for some of the most wholesome and funny roleplay I've ever seen. A warning now that the following is an unhinged infodump about how much I love this campaign, but I promise a link is at the bottom!

Highlights include:

Actually streaming session zero! I don't know if other shows have done this, but it's the first time I've seen it and found it really cool to see the process in action. This includes an introduction to Io's history and world makeup and answering the players' questions about it, so it's great for onboarding new viewers because they don't have to have watched the other campaigns. Plus, hearing the players talk about the kind of characters they were making made me immediately excited for the campaign and the dynamics within the party, which was clearly the case for the people watching too because there was fanart literally that night.

Mark Hulmes - the host of High Rollers...you know, that actual play show that did the one-shot with the Baldur's Gate 3 cast last year - playing a half-lagomon paladin with the energy of DiC dub Sailor Moon. Yeah that's right, a grown-ass man is shamelessly playing his ideal bunny girl waifu and nobody judges him for it because Gloria is a precious cinnamon roll and must be cherished.

A southern belle dhampir ranger named Vidalia whose parasol is both a sword and a gun...crossbow...thing. Also she's a swarmkeeper ranger and her swarm is birds! Used to be corvids, now I think it's hawks. And she's the sweetest damn person you'll ever meet and doesn't even hide that she's a vampire.

An elf bard named Pandora who got her name literally because her player thought it was fun to say in her character voice, and she says it to herself in character when she's anxious. She's also a vampire hunter who's afraid of birds.

Disclaimer: Pandora is an emotional wreck of a character with a heart of gold and she WILL make you cry at least every other session.

Did I mention those three are totally in an awkward disaster lesbian cuddle puddle? Cause they totally are. Vidalia even calls Gloria 'hunny bun' and it's the most adorable thing in the world.

Hey, you wanna have lots of emotions about skeletons? Well Tom has you covered with Ribeye, the skeleton bard who wants to be a chef! (Gee, DM, how come your mom lets your campaign have TWO bards?) Don't be fooled by his punny name or his Ed Wynn voice, this skeleton will fuck you up emotionally almost as much as Pandora. This youtube funnyman has made his fellow players wail loudly into the microphone like Rocky freaking Lockridge.

And you wanna know why there's so many emotions about skeletons? Well for one thing Tom's just really good at roleplaying but the big catalyst is that neither Ribeye in character, nor any of the players out of character, know Ribeye's HP. The DM just tells him if he gets knocked out. The DM rolls his hit dice for him. And he can't be healed by normal healing magic, only necromancy. Yeah uh...nobody in the party can cast necromancy. They found a backup, but it's VERY temporary and the DM plays the game HARD. Your butt WILL clench every single time Ribeye takes damage. The party's butts sure do. No really, it's genuinely sweet how hard they all work to protect their skelebro.

I feel bad that I don't have a lot to say comparatively about the last member, the changeling monk Kagami. I think he's just along for the ride. But he's there, and he's as badass as a monk should be, and he's the source of a good few funny moments, including the ever optimistic statement "I haven't exploded yet!" (no you don't get context, watch the show) and the pure D&D energy of spending all your money on a stupid carnival prize because it's so ridiculous you just HAVE to have it. It even comes in handy, how the heck did that happen???

If you like crafting, Faewunder has you covered with all sorts of fun homebrewing! Every long rest is an adventure! Ribeye whips up all sorts of fun dishes and names them! Kagami supes up everyone's weapons and armor! Pandora desperately tries to keep up the supply of potions Ribeye can drink! The DM has a chart of all sorts of fun buffs they can unlock and put on their gear, so long as there's time to make it. It takes up a decent chunk of the sessions, but the party makes it work through...

Camp RP! Banter and sharing feelings around the campfire almost every long rest, including the ones that come from just travel time with nothing happening! I've never seen a party so willing to share their feelings with each other and they're so delightfully close, even if Kagami's still keeping things close to his scarily muscular chest at the moment.

Intense combat with some of the wildest luck (or usually lack thereof) I've ever seen on a VTT. I thought it was roll20 that hated us, who kicked Foundary's dog???

Crazy fae shit

Fucked up trees! Every DM needs to have at least one fucked up tree encounter.

Fun with voice modulators!

Distinct and lovable NPCs!

A disclaimer that the NPCs will never flirt with the PCs unless the PCs initiate. That's just a good rule of thumb to have in a DM-player dynamic! I mean, check that the DM is comfortable with it too, but really I'm just sad that 'not sicing a horny NPC on my players' is noteworthy.

A channel in the Io discord exclusively for rules lawyering, so the DM can receive feedback on goofed up rules (or ignore the ones from people who forget his houserules) without them cluttering up the twitch chat or distracting him from running the game! Now THAT'S innovation, y'all!

Fanart every night, and bingo cards that the DM fills out with the chat!

The DM is a racoon wizard! Seriously, how can you say no to that?!

Anyway it's really good, and if any of this sounds appealing the playlist is below. It's a relatively short campaign - 13 sessions averaging around three hours apiece. I'll definitely be checking out the rest of the Io campaigns after I finish Faewunder, but I feel like it's gonna be hard to top this group.

[thenickelportrust]

Half-Sketch Sunday

So! I missed a few Sketch Sundays in the chaos that happened. I wanted to make these up, but doing a few rapid-fire drawings didn't seem good enough and doing a multitude of Sketch Sundays in one week didn't seem feasible.

So I thought it'd be fun to do something like a comic, but as I started experimenting with ideas I ended up with something that was a combination comic and dialogue-based story.

It contains some heavy spoilers for the plot of Model Citizens, which is why it's under the read-more, but I think it's a kind of fun and funky mix of visual and verbal storytelling.

I hope you all enjoy!!

(For clarity, I'm leaving one character's dialogue in bold, and the others unbolded)

"Do you remember when you first became a hero?"

"That's nice, but not what I meant."

 She turns, and looks at me. Her eyes are dark but they catch on the lamplight that illuminates the stone walkways weaving through the city park like veins. A steady stream of people, the greenery's bloodcells, normally flows through here. But so late at night? The park is quiet. The bench we sit on is quiet. 

"What do you mean, then?"

She's never been good with words. Actions, yes. Her actions always make it clear what she thinks and wants. That's part of why I've always enjoyed her company. I don't need words to know what she feels, and she doesn't require me to speak to say what I need. Which is a relief, really. I don't... like talking. Not because I'm not good with words in her way, the blunt way, the way that doesn't stick around long enough to see how deep the lashes her whiplike tongue has left. I've just never... liked talking. I get anxious. I worry my words aren't the right ones. 

"I feel like I never hear you talk about your life before-- what made you want to become a hero anyway?"

 "I... like helping people?"

"Yeah, ok, but there are ways to do that that don't involve life or death scenarios. You could've been a social worker, a therapist, a surgeon--"

"Surgeons can still deal with life or death scenarios"

"You know what I mean."

I crack a smile, and lean forward on my knees with my hands locked between my legs. The night air is cold. It isn't winter-cold yet, so I can't see my breath puff out from my lips and there's no icy tingle at my exposed fingertips. The cold is still gentle enough that it doesn't break through the cotton on my arms. It just presses against me, like a hug.

"... it depends on the type of surgeon, anyway."

Where I lean forward she leans back, receding against the bench. Her leather jacket bunches where her elbows cross. Neither of us are good with words, so sitting and talking like this, even if we know each other so well, is still a little awkward. You'd think after so many years we'd learn how to speak to one another. You'd think I would know what my best friend is asking me. I feel like I should, too... and yet.

"What do you mean, then? Before I became a hero?"

"Are you serious?"

"What?"

"I mean before you became a hero! I really don't know how to be clearer than that."

"Okay-- okay! I'm sorry... but, like, what about before?"

"I dunno! God, do I have to spell it out for you? What was your life like? What pushed you to start? What made you come here?"

When we first met I would wince at the harshness of her tone. Now I just laugh in the face of her irritation. Which, granted, doesn't help her look any less irritated. 

"Okay, okay. Nosy... Well, as for what 'pushed me to start'..."

...

"Hey."

"Hmm?"

"You ok?"

"Huh?"

"You went silent."

"Oh, did I? I didn't notice."

"... okay. You sure you're okay?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. Why?"

"I dunno. Your face just went, like, blank?"

"Well, geez, thanks. I was thinking."

"Yeah, uh, for a concerning amount of time."

"Oh... was I quiet for that long?"

"A bit."

"Oh."

"You're saying that a lot."

"Oh-- uh-- wait."

"Hey. You're not feeling bad, are you? You looked like you were about to collapse for a moment there."

"No, no, I'm fine. Just... blanked for a second. Got hard to think. What was your question?"

"I asked what made you become a hero."

It's like shaking an old television until the static stops. I don't even notice when I start thinking again-- don't notice when I stopped. The only thing I can compare it to is falling asleep, how you don't know you're asleep until you wake up again. Here I am, waking up again in the dead of night. Thinking again. I don't know how to describe it. I'm not good with words.

What made me become a hero?

"Woah!"

"Hey, you ok? You almost fell off the bench there."

"... Erin? Hey, Erin. Look at me."

"Look alive, buddy-- come on,"

"Hey, there you are. You ok?"

"Can you speak? Did you have a fucking-- did you have a stroke or something?"

"Ugh, no, I didn't--"

"There she is. You ok? What the hell happened?"

"Sorry..."

"You're... not looking so good. Come on, I think we need to get you back. Here, just... lean on me, okay? Let's get you back home." 

I'm not sure what to say.  I'm not even really sure what happened. My mind is fuzzy and dulled, like I drank too much-- but I haven't drunk anything. Her hand is solid against the base of my spine, and steadies me as I stand. The more I walk, the more awake I feel, the more it all just fades behind me. Left on the park bench.

We follow the vein out onto the city streets. We leave the park empty, bled dry of its people. Quiet.

[ransprang]

Heeey can I get a Naruto and/or HXH pairing please? I don't care if it's nsfw or sfw. I'm a 4'9 female and bi. I don't have a preference for HXH, but for naruto i'd prefer men fjskskfj

I'm an ENFJ or an ESFJ, and I'm very, very extroverted! I call myself a compulsive extrovert because I'll talk to anyone who I think I have a chance of befriending, depending on my social battery. I like to make people laugh and I have a very strange sense of humor. Sometimes I don't realize how loud my voice is, and I'm very, very opinionated, and I don't shy away from confrontation if it's needed. I'm always open to listen to people vent about their issues, though I don't have the best memory so sometimes I'll forget what people have and haven't told me. I try and be as kind and caring as I can to those around me!! Despite my aggressiveness I'm surprisingly a pisces. I'm really emotional and anxious despite all of the impulsive things I do. If you treat me well I'll cling to you as hard as you'll let me !!

Writing is a big hobby of mine, along with drawing though I'm not very good. I write poetry mostly, and create characters and become too focused on fleshing them out to actually write a plot for them. I'm not athletic in any way, shape or form. I love the sciences, cats, video games, and napping! I'm constantly exhausted. I also try and do theatre sometimes!

My type is someone who understands my humor and isn't afraid to banter with me. Setting boundaries would be a good thing too for a romantic relationship, since sometimes I do tend to overstep. Kindness and loyalty are absolutely key for any romantic relationship w me !! My love languages are quality time, affirming words and physical affection.

I hate passive aggressiveness. I can get along with shy people, just as long as they aren't icing me out or treating me differently than how they treat others. I also have a mild fear of big dogs.

hey thanks for the request <3 hope you like your match ups

Your HxH match up is... Stick Dinner!!

- We pray that your wacky sense of humor and his constant stream of bad puns can synergize and support each other.

- He's a fun guy and a... fungi cuz his head kinda looks like a mushroom cloud

- Stick dinner's a friendly, laid back fella and definitely smokes pot. You guys would probably become fast friends first before getting into a relationship~ 

- He wouldn't be passive aggressive or any kind of aggressive really so you would have to be the one to talk with the food service people if they get your order wrong.

- Just like the rest of Kite's team he's kind, loyal and full of love! Just make sure the tall boi doesn’t squish you accidentally. 

Your Naruto match up is....Sai!!!!!

- Since Sai doesn't understand social norms he has a wild sense of humor too. You guys would banter well together as long as you don't beat him up for saying something offensive

- Underneath Sai's cold exterior there is a genuine desire for human connection. He would really appreciate your extroverted nature and ability to make friends and try to learn from you.

- You like to draw? Well so does he. He even wrote that little book about his brother leaving. You both can hone your art and story crafting skills together

- Sai has proven his loyalty several times since leaving Root and even if he isn’t great in the kindness department he’s a good person deep down.

- The poor boy still has a lot to learn on being a functional member of society and not being a mindless murderer. So he might not be able to handle your emotional or anxious side but he would do his best to help!

Your small dog,

admin san

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Dangerous Love (Pt. 04 of 13)

Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batman) X Harley Quinn's sister!Reader

Summary: You're Harley Quinn's sister, Havoc, one of the many villain's of Gotham. But you've been caught, and has been tortured constantly for an year in Belle Reve. But when your think your life can't be anything else than the nightmare you find yourself into, Bruce Wayne, the Batman, takes you in for a project. He has a program to rehabilitate villains, and you're his lab rat. But soon enough confusing feelings start getting in the way. You know falling for Bruce is stupid. But can you keep your heart under control?

Word count: 2.3K

<- Previous part (03)

Next part (05)->

{Justice League - DC Masterlist}

×

Nightmares

You're looking at the garden, admiring the little white flowers that only blossom at night. You're tired, eyes heavy, but you can't sleep. Some bats are flying down there, and you wonder if they live nearby. A much larger figure passes by, in a blur. Suddenly, the lights go off. Opening the window, you bend over, holding on the bars, to try and see more. Then, you hear a click.

Your head turns at the door. Did it just unlock? Is the system electrical? Then why does Bruce always uses a key? Moving to the door, you slowly turn the handle and... Another click. It's open. Pulling it, you step forward. The silence makes you anxious, and so does the darkness. Looking at the sides, you start walking down the hall.

“Bruce?” You call out, and your voice echoes through the place. You get no response.

Your legs keep moving, taking you downstairs and to the door, which is wide open. Why is Bruce doing this? Is it a test? Or did something happened to him? You shouldn't go. You should–

You're moving, against your will. Why are you moving against your will? Wasn't that the plan? To wait for an opportunity and run away?

The gates are open too, and they're the only thing you can see in the darkness. The next thing you know is that you're on the streets. Empty streets, no lights on. You're taking the way to the abandoned mall you claimed, taking all the right entrances and the elevator that leads to the underground. Your old house.

You walk through the garage, among the many cars you own. Reaching your private headquarters, you see piles of money. The jewels too, more shiny than usual.

“Is anyone here?” The place doesn't seem abandoned. You know they're still working for you, even after all that time in prison. They wouldn't dare to abandon you.

“Look who's back.” Your sister comes out of nowhere, followed by her boyfriend, the Joker. “Where were you, little sis?”

“I got out.” You could tell them the truth, that Batman held you hostage. But you don't want them to retaliate. “What are you doing here? You're not supposed to come uninvited.”

There's something in the air, in the atmosphere. It's so cold and and dark, like you're drowning in it. A weird feeling builds up as if you need to go home. But this is home, the only home you ever had.

What are you doing here? You made a promise not to run away. Bruce told you he'd help, so why did he let you get out? Why did he let the doors open?

“We know everything, dear." Joker sing songs, pacing around you. “The Batsy broke you down... Or should I say, Bruce Wayne?”

“What?” How does he know that? “I was in prison. Belle Reve. I got out.” You repeat, turning on your heels to look Joker in the eye.

“And now you're back home,” Harley exclaims, hugging you. “Enjoy yourself, sis. This is who you are. Have fun, steal what you crave for, and then, one day, they will just get you again.”

“Thanks to you, I know who Batsy is.” Joke speaks again, getting your attention. “I can attack him in bright daylight. When he's vulnerable, away from his toys.”

“You know you'll go back there right? The paradise on Earth.” Harley starts again. “They always manage to find us. And once they do, the torture is tuned all the way up.”

“Shut up, Harley.” You burst out.

“I will make sure to tell Batman you helped me. I may even bring his head here so you can use it as a decoration.”

“Shut up!” You're covering your ears, trying to understand what happened. What you did. You didn't tell anyone about Bruce. You know you didn't. “Shut up!”

“You're going back to Belle Reve, sis. We always do. We'll die there.”

“Batman's blood is in your hands, Havoc. Upon his death, we will rule Gotham.”

“Shut up!”

You sit up abruptly, just as the door is being open. Breathing fast, you run to the bathroom before Alfred comes in. Closing the door behind your back, you slide to the floor, hands on your head. “It was just a dream. Just a dream.” You mumble to yourself. Why did it scare you so much? You shouldn't be sleeping. “I won't go back. It was just a dream. Just a dream...”

A knock on the door startles you. “(Y/N)?”

It isn't Alfred, it's Bruce. With your heart pounding against your chest, you stumble up, opening the door and almost collapsing against his chest when you step out. He looks down at you, worried.

“Hi,” you whisper, stepping back.

“You look terrified. What happened?” He touches your arm, guiding you to sit on the bed. Behind him, you see a cart with lunch.

“I fell asleep. I shouldn't, I... I had a nightmare. No big deal.” As you move closer to the headboard, you see a book on the nightstand. “What's that?” Taking it, you read the cover. Game Of Thrones.

“I decided to bring you that. So you'll have something to do.” Bruce sits on the bed, hesitantly. “It has some violence, but I think you can deal with that.”

“Isn't there a TV show about it?”

“I'll stream if for you once you finish the book.”

“Ok.” It's good to finally have something to do. Opening the book, you look through the first pages.

“Why did you say you shouldn't sleep?” He inquires. Shaking your head slightly, you don't answer. “(Y/N).”

“Hm?” Looking up from the book, you meet his eyes. Why is he so worried?

“Won't you answer me?”

“I don't like sleeping.” Shrugging your shoulders, you sustain his stare. Bruce has nice eyes, and they're kind. You can't remember the last time someone looked at you like this. “The nightmares are constant so... I take naps. Whenever I feel like I'm falling asleep I get up. I don't sleep for more than three hours every night.”

“And what do you do up all night?”

“Nothing. I stare at the ceiling. The garden... Did you know that the little white flowers only blossom at night?” Smiling, you put the book down and move to the window. The garden is beautiful. You grow mesmerized by it every day. The flowers and threes are amazing.

“(Y/N), you need to sleep. To rest.” Bruce walks over you, touching your arm to get your attention. “Do you want something to help?”

“I'm used to my sleep schedule, don't worry.” You meet his eyes for a few seconds before looking through the window again. “I saw some people there a few days ago.”

“An interview. Now go eat.” Bruce brings the cart as you sit in the armchair. Sweet potato soup, your favorite.

He shouldn't be here for lunch, though. “Shouldn't you be at work?”

His expression changes, and he looks sad. “It's Saturday.”

“Oh... And don't you have a girlfriend or something?” The question comes out suddenly, before you even notice what you said. That's the bad part of being honest all the time, you lost the ability to control your thoughts.

“No, I don't have anyone at the moment. Why?”

“Because it's Saturday. You should be with her.” In the back of your mind, the figure of Bruce with a woman in his arm, going to dinners, smiling and chatting, bothers you. You don't understand why. It's only natural. A handsome man like Bruce probably has a lot of women chasing him. Being rich only makes it worse.

“Don't worry. I'm all yours today.”

That makes you giggle, looking down at the soup. “The therapy session will be long then.”

As usual, Bruce waits until you're done eating. You're growing used to his presence, and sometimes you think you're even a little excited to see him. It's unbelievable how gentle he is. Nobody was ever gentle to you. It's weird how you're failing to look for an opportunity to run away. You're just not thinking about this anymore.

When you're done, you push the cart away, holding your glass of soda. “So... What are we talking about today?”

“I have news. And I need you to tell me how you feel about them.” Bruce is serious now, all professional. Did you do something? Why does he seem so distant?

“Alright.”

“Yesterday night I found the Joker.” He begins, eyes focused on you, reading your face. “He almost managed to run away, but one of his bombs went off before the time, while he was close. He blew up, thrown into the air, and when he fell, he broke his spine. There's a chance Joker won't ever walk again.”

You don't know what he wants you to say. People tend to connect you to the Joker, even though you haven't worked with him in years. You're more like enemies now. “Well, that's too bad for him. And for Harley. She'll be heartbroken.”

“What about you?”

“I won't say I'm happy about it, I'm just... I don't feel anything.”

“Have you and the Joker ever been in any kind of... Relationship?”

That's new. “No. He kissed me once, to make Harley jealous, but I kicked him in the balls for it.” The memory makes you smile. His face was priceless. “He did make some... propositions, but I never accepted.”

“Why?” Bruce seems very interested in this. What are you thinking? He's just trying to understand and help you. Nothing more.

“Because he wasn't my type,” you say with a smirk.

“Does that mean other men made the same kind of propositions and you accepted?”

“What? No!” You exclaim, putting the empty glass on the cart. “I... I'm not...”

“See? When you don't say the truth, I can make any assumptions.” He leans forward, as he usually does. You're not sure why, but you mirror his position, looking into his eyes. “The truth, please.”

“Well, it's true that he's not my type, but... In my world, love is dangerous. You have lots of enemies and having someone you care about gives them a weak spot. So I never really gave me or... Love... A chance.” It's funny how easy it feels to open up to Bruce now. It doesn't mean you enjoy saying these things, they're supposed to be a secret, but with time, you're getting used to it. He has an effect on you, this man.

“For some people, there's no need for love in some... Situations.”

“For some people, yes. For me... It would never feel right.” You move back again, looking down at the sunlight coming through the window, on the floor between you and Bruce.

“(Y/N), I know the guards used to beat you. But did they ever... Assaulted you any other way?” The heaviness in his voice is tangible. Bruce is angry, worried.

“No. Never.” You're quick to answer, and he soon seems to relax. “Everything they feel for me is disgust, thank God. That... Never happened. They only touch me to beat me up.”

“I'm... Happy to know that. A pretty girl like you... I couldn't help but wonder if they ever tried something so filthy.”

“Woman.” You correct him as usual, the word pretty burning through your mind. Does he really think you're pretty?

“Woman. Forgive me.” A smile. A smile comes to his lips and you're mesmerized. He's so handsome, and now even more.

“I like your smile,” you tell him, biting back a smile yourself. “Didn't know Batman had this ability.”

“You're improving.”

“Am I?” It comes to your mind suddenly, that he brought you here to prove a point. “I'm happy your project is going well.” Running a hand through your hair, you get up, moving to the bed.

“I don't think of you as a project.”

“Really?” You don't believe him. “Sometimes I wonder what will be my fate after this. You say you can put me back into the normal world, but I'm not sure I believe it... I think that I'll end up in Belle Reve. And it'll be even worse because now I'm used to all this.” Gesturing at the room in general, you look at him. “Comfortable bed, nice showers, beauty products... Not being hurt every single day.”

Going back to Belle Reve would break you down, you think. The villain in you says that you can take it, all over again if needed, but the other part... Tells you otherwise. The very thought of your old cell is enough to make you shake like a leaf.

“I will never let you go back there,” Bruce speaks up, intense eyes on you, burning. “Never.”

“Keep me here then... If that's what it takes. I don't mind.” You can barely hear your own voice. You can't believe you just said that, that you would be ok being here for the rest of your life. But if your options are this room or cell 304B, you'd pick this room.

“Let's see how things go. There's no need to rush.”

Nodding, you continue telling him about your connections with the Joker, and about the many times you were at war against each other. After dinner, you ask for a pencil or pen, so you can underline the parts you like in the book. Bruce brings you a blue pen before wishing goodnight and telling you to try and sleep well.

But you can't. It's 2 a.m. and you're reading. You find a blank page in the book, so you rip it off and decide to draw. It's been years since you've drawn, and you're not really sure what you're doing. A few hours go by until you're finished with it. Bruce. You just drew Bruce Wayne. You stare at his features. His eyes, nose, jaw... Lips. Folding the paper, you decide to use it as a bookmark. He won't find out if you keep it inside the book.

×

@redwolf-7 @glitterypinkkitty @mybabyboytony @chipster-21 @agustdpeach @yaakimoon2

[odyssey-system]

Enchanted: Part of Your World #1

"Can you do me a favor, sweetheart?"

Fiona Seville was on the phone with her father Dave as she sat on the couch in her apartment. Her frizzy hair was a slight mess as she adjusted her legs. "Y-Yeah, of course, Dad."

She could hear him sigh on the other end of the phone, along with a cough. "I was supposed to go to a benefit masquerade ball tomorrow night. The one that I go to every year."

"Right! The one for state arts programs?"

"That's right. Well... I can't make it this year. I ended up with bronchitis and your brothers have to take care of me at home."

Fiona frowned. "I'm sorry, Dad..."

"It's alright. I was just wondering, since you were closer, could you make the donation in my place at the ball?"

She bit her lip. She was not typically a person to deal with large crowds, but for the only parent in her life, she'd take a leap of faith. "O-Okay but if I make the donation for you, can you transfer me replacement money after?"

"Of course, sweetheart. You have my word."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After a few phone calls with her agent, Ethan Blake, Fiona was able to donate money, book a ride and acquire an outfit for the night. She'd spent the past few days looking around for pop culture tidbits she might have missed over the past week or so. She practiced talking to people in the mirror, and she arranged to get out an hour early from work that day.

So now, here she was, sitting in the front seat of a Dryve car in a stunning silver ballgown made by one of Ethan's friends, Addison Sinclair. The driver wasn't much for conversation, preferring to listen to the radio, but she didn't mind.

Eventually, the car pulled up to the designated drop-off point for the masquerade in front of the Sheridan Hotel in downtown Los Angeles, a line of paparazzi along the velvet roped red carpet. Fiona put on her mask and took a deep breath.

Showtime.

Fiona made her way out into the stream of flashing lights, walking toward the start of the red carpet. She only recognized one face in the line of paparazzi: Ana de Luca of Trend Magazine, one of her favorites. She put on her sweetest smile as she heard murmurs about how no one knew who she was, and she prepared for the barrage of questions with a nervous glimmer in her eyes.

Surprisingly, none of them approached her but she was asked to pose for pictures, to which she obliged.

What mattered more to her was getting inside after speaking to both of the hotel's front door bouncers and the bellhop, who helped her find the ballroom in which most of the event was held.

The ballroom was massive, much more extravagant and intimidating than Fiona could have ever imagined. It felt like she was walking around in a fish tank full of people.

It terrified her.

"This place is pretty cool, isn't it?" A young man in his early twenties asked her confidently. "Definitely better than my prom."

Fiona smiled, the conversation alleviating some of her nerves. "Yeah, it's beautiful in here."

"Is this your first time going to this?"

"Yeah."

The man gave an understanding smile. "Me too. I'm Chadley."

"I'm Fiona." She fixed her hair and her mask, shifting her remaining nerves into movement.

Chadley smiled. "Do you want to go get something to drink?"

Fiona nodded back at him. "I'd like that."

The two made their way over to a table with refreshments, Chadley immediately going over to the flutes of champagne. "Bubbly?"

"No thanks." She tried looking for other drinks but only ended up finding water on the table. She grabbed a glass and a reusable straw kit, following Chadley.

"How'd you get an invite to this party? Did you have to pass some initiation or something?"

Fiona laughed. "No. Why, did you?"

"Yeah, kind of! Mr. Groot said that I needed to start sharing my brain cells with my kind and jump into a canyon with no braces for my teeth." He said it with nonchalance, making Fiona recoil a little. His eyes widened. "No no, it's okay! My agent Ethan told me that it was his way of saying I needed to venture out of my comfort zone or something.

She sighed in relief. "This Groot guy might need to find a better way to come across with what he's saying correctly... But at least you have Ethan. He's my agent too."

"Oh sweet! He always has the best suits."

Fiona could think of a few other outstanding qualities about Ethan that would rank higher, but she did have to give Chadley that. "What do you do?"

"I'm a film actor. What about you?"

"Oh! Um..." Fiona's cheeks tinged pink slightly. "I'm a barista but I do have this character acting gig. I do birthday parties and stuff."

"That's cool! Do you like it?"

"Yeah! It's fun to make characters on your own that you can help people with, you know?"

"Hell yeah! So are you working during this party then?"

She shook her head. "No, my dad's a composer. He comes here every year, but he got sick and couldn't make it this time. He wanted me to make a donation this year for him, and I'd do anything for my dad."

"I get you. I'm gonna go talk to more people but-" He took a napkin and wrote down a set of digits. "Here's my cell phone number if you need something. I've gone to some stuff like this, I can help you."

Fiona smiled warmly. "You're so sweet, Chadley! I appreciate this, thank you."

"No worries, Fiona! Hope I see you around." He went off into another portion of the ballroom.

Afte watching him go and making sure he was alright, Fiona went to go sit next to the stage. It was sparsely used at the moment, a few musicians tuning and doing mic checks. She took a few minutes to browse her Pictagram feed idly, pausing on a post by the Wilshere siblings when she noticed something familiar about the backdrop.

"Excuse me." A tall male with shoulder-length hair and a beard said as he approached, gentle and calm with his security badge visible on his belt. "I need you to not block the stairs, ma'am."

Fiona blushed and glanced at the stairs. "Sorry, sir..."

"It's okay. Some of the acts are just ready to sound check."

"Right, of course." She followed him out of the way before spotting a pair of blondes approaching the stage: the Wilshere twins.

Fiona was in awe.

The male of the pair nodded to the security guard. "Thank you, Damien." He turned to Fiona. "Sorry for making you find a new wallflower spot. We just don't want anyone to get hurt, especially a charming young thing like you."

"Arthur! Don't tease the poor girl!" His sister strode over and gave a wide, warm smile. "Sorry about him." She took Fiona's hands. "You seem overwhelmed, love. Are you alright?"

Starstruck but true to Avery's observation, Fiona bit her lip. "I'm not used to navigating parties like this."

"I understand. These things can make a girl feel so small in a world so big, especially for your first time at one of these parties." She squeezes her hands. "There's a few different rooms next to the ballroom being rented out for the ball as well. Those might help you find a smaller group of people around here."

"Avery? Your turn for sound check," her brother called out.

The blonde sighed. "I have to go. But you've got this. I believe in you."

Fiona watched Avery go onto the stage, still anxious but more hopeful than before. She gave both her and Arthur a wave before walking around the ball a bit more.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After half an hour of roaming all of the other rooms, Fiona found herself in one that resembled a casino. It was a bit smaller than the other rooms, which helped her anxiety, but it felt very much like a boys' club in there with the amount of older men. Several men stared at her as she walked in, appraising her like jewelry. Or worse. She did her best to not give them any ideas or pay them any mind.

Unsatisfied playing games with any of the older men, she made her way over to the bar that was for the most part unoccupied. She sat on the other end of the bar, ordering a coffee instead of alcohol because of her need to have a clear head to survive the night.

When her coffee arrived, the waitress also placed a notebook in front of her, a pen tied to the spiral. She opened it cautiously, seeing neat handwriting on the first page.

Are you alright?

Fiona looked up from her spot and noticed the only other patron at the bar: a younger male but still considerably older than her, nursing a glass of scotch in his hand. His eyes met hers, and he smiled genuinely back at her. She pointed to him and then down at the notebook. He nodded in response. She quickly wrote a response after grabbing a pen from her purse:

Yeah. My first time at one of these events. It's a little scary.

She slid the notebook over to him so the waitress didn't have to do it. She watched him write, moving his hand in a gentle and elegant fashion, before he slid it back to her.

I understand. I didn't want to scare you and add to that. Do you want to sit with me?

Fiona took a moment to collect her thoughts before sliding her purse onto her shoulder. She collected the notebook and her coffee, walking over to sit next to him. "Sorry. I-I just figured if my answer was yes, I didn't want to be redundant.

He nodded in reply. "That's alright. I'm Thomas, by the way."

She smiled. "I'm Fiona."

I want you to know I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

Thomas crossed his legs, right over left. "So what got you to come out here tonight, Fiona?"

"I-I came for my dad. He normally comes down here but he's sick this year."

"What's your last name?"

"Seville."

The name seemed to click in Thomas's head. "Ah yes, I believe I'm somewhat familiar. Dave's his name, right?"

"Y-Yeah."

"I remember him. We've met in passing before, I believe. The most I know is that he's a composer. Are you in the music industry as well?"

I'll get you out on the floor Shimmering beautiful And when I break, it's in a million pieces

Fiona shook her head. "Not exactly. I'm a barista most days, but I also do children's birthdays and other stuff like that as a costume actor. Sometimes it involves singing, but it's not the bread and butter of what I do."

Thomas smiled. "Impressive. You definitely achieve the Disney princess aesthetic tonight."

She blushed. "Thank you. You look nice too."

Hush, when no one is around, my dear You'll find me on my tallest tip-toes Spinnin' in my highest heels, love Shinin' just for you

The two could hear the bartender turn on the television, and a picture of Thomas without a mask on flashed across the screen as part of a television tabloid, along with his full name.

Mortified, Thomas partly covered his face with his hand.

Fiona looked at him sympathetically, reaching for his empty hand. "Is everything okay?"

Hush, I know they said the end is near But I'm still on my tallest tip-toes Spinnin' in my highest heels, love Shinin' just for you

"I... I have a problem with fangirls sometimes." He held her hand gently. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "D-Don't be." She looked around. "In all fairness, half of the people here look like you because of the masks and everything."

He uncovered his face. "You're not even a little starstruck at me?"

Fiona smiled and shook her head again. "I-I mean, I *do* know who you are now. But... I mostly look at Trend and music industry magazines, so I don't get your exposure a lot."

I want you to know I'm a mirrorball I can change everything About me to fit in

Thomas took another sip of his scotch, contemplating her words. "Well... What is your impression of me, then?"

You are not like the regulars The masquerade revelers Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten

She looked at him thoughtfully. "I-I think you seem like a hard worker. You have ambitions that aren't always in the realm of reality, but you try. And you make every effort to keep your private life and your work separate. You think art is a second life in and of itself."

Thomas sat silent for a moment, stunned. "And how did you manage to decipher all of that?"

Fiona's smile hinted at a hidden laughter. "You don't seem like you've sold your soul to any towel rack of a tabloid, Mr. Hunt."

He knew the game she was playing now. She seemed to warm up to him quickly, something that could hurt them both if they weren't careful.

But the angle she was going for now? Two could play at that game.

Hush, when no one is around, my dear You'll find me on my tallest tip-toes Spinnin' in my highest heels, love Shinin' just for you

"You'd think correctly, Ms. Seville," he said with a regal and teasing side-smirk. "However, seems it's my turn to pick your brain."

Fiona flushed, almost retreating from the teasing as her fingers on one hand started playing with the edges of her frizzy hair. "G-Go ahead."

Thomas was gentle as he shifted on the barstool, taking a full look at her. "You are definitely in touch with your inner child in a way I don't see often around here. Not necessarily the innocence, but you tap into that with your curiosity, your sincerity, your kindness."

Fiona shied away slightly at the very accurate read of her.

He let her have a moment to recover before continuing to speak. "I would love to have more time to figure you out fully, to get to know you, person to person... if you'll have me."

Hush, I know they said the end is near But I'm still on my tallest tip-toes Spinnin' in my highest heels, love Shinin' just for you

She looked up at him with soft silver-blue eyes, searching herself for the answer as she contemplated his request. "O-Okay. Can some of that time be without a crowd...?"

He smiled. "I know just the place." He took her by the hand and led her out to an open balcony, pulling her into a slow dance as the door closed after them when they got outside. He led her, one arm around her waist and the other holding her head protectively to his chest.

And they called off the circus Burn the disco down When they sent home the horses And the rodeo clowns I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me

She pulled away from the close embrace, moving to hold his hands again. "I-I..."

Thomas smiled, a patient ease to his posture. "Yes, Fiona?"

"Can we have... more than just tonight to know each other?"

He held her cheek. "I would love nothing more."

And I'm still a believer, but I don't know why I've never been a natural All I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me

In an instant, her lips tilted to reach his.

And nothing else that night mattered for a weightless, ethereal, eternal moment.

Because I'm a mirrorball I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

[paradeoflaughter]

Under the cut cause I ramble on about shit and am sad.

It's 1AM and I have to get ready to go to work in 5 hours but I'm wide awake and have been crying cause my mom isn't around to do wedding stuff with me. This year marked the year I've spent more years without her than I did with her and yet all this wedding stuff is making it feel like it was just yesterday. It's been a long time since I've sobbed over missing my mom and yet here I am.... I found a couple of blog posts from other motherless daughters planning their wedding and it made me realize one of the reasons I've been putting off doing wedding planning even though we've been engaged almost a year now - I don't know what I'm going to do without my mom. Sure I was only 16 when she died and we certainly weren't in that friend stage yet but that doesn't mean I don't grieve the fact that she can't go with me to pick out my wedding dress or be there for the big day. I honestly have no idea who I even want to go with to find a dress. My best friend is my fiance and I can't go with him. My dad got remarried but she's not my mom - I don't think of her as a mom. My future mother in law is wonderful but she's also not my mom. My family is super supportive but they also just don't feel right to go with. I don't have any super close girl friends. Like I have some girl friends but a) one of them lives in another state and the last time I sent her a text opening up about stuff I felt vulnerable about she didn't even reply, b) the other sort of close girl friend I have is leaving the country soon and I don't know if she'd even want to go with me, c) the other girl friends I have I don't really ever talk to outside of when I see them at group stuff so that just feels weird too. I've been toying with the idea of just going alone but I don't know if I'm just going to end up feeling really sad and alone and just start crying and it being super awkward for the people at the bridal shop. I still feel iffy about covid shit anyways so I'm not even looking forward to trying on dresses and wearing a mask and being worried about getting covid from dress shopping.

I can't wait to be married but I wish I was more excited about the planning part. I used to dream about planning a wedding and how fun it would be and now I'm just sad because I don't have my mom and I'm anxious about covid that is still very much a thing no matter how much people want to just go back to their pre-covid lives.

I'm also really not looking forward to this weekend. It's my grandfather's funeral and there's gonna be a ton of people there I haven't talked to in ages and I kind of just stopped talking to cause I was covid depressed and then there's my family who is probably just gonna bombard us asking about wedding planning stuff even though I've been too sad to plan anything. (In full transparency we also bought a house earlier this year which was super stressful and I wouldn't have wanted to plan a wedding at the same time but now that we're more settled the only thing holding us back is me and I don't know what to do) and it's gonna be inside and I don't want to get covid. I've avoided it this long and I really don't want to get sick.

It's now 1:40AM and what the fuck am I doing with my life. I'm gonna be so tired when my alarm goes off even though I'm not tired now.

It's crazy how earlier today I was in such a good mood and then I was watching someone's stream that I'm a sub and vip in and they didn't say hi or respond to anything I said and I know from past experience they've said that sometimes they say hi to someone in their head or just think they've already said hi when they didn't actually so it was probably nothing personal at all (like I'm a VIP that they chose to give me themselves) but it still always makes me feel so left out when I talk in someone's stream and no one acknowledges it and deep down I wonder if everyone blocked me. I'm almost 33 why the fuck do I even care about this shit.

I just want people to like me and I also miss my mom. What a complex.

[tadomimus-exe]

squish? help

hello tumblr this is your captain, Tado and welcome aboard the Questioning Aro-line (I am a genius of comedy) haven't dumped stuff here in ages or anywhere online really, oversharing on Facebook trauma

ANYWAY

I identify as queer. Non-binary and gay. I have had two romantic relationships. The first one was when we were both girls and it was over long distance for 2 years. Young love. The second was with a boy (now non-binary, woo!) which only lasted about three months and I was crushed by anxiety until I thought about it too much for too long. I am still friends with both of them but we have, admittedly, drifted apart a lot. But that's not what this is about, this is about me kinda liking a boy and being stupid. As of now, I have told all the friend I told that I no longer have a crush on this boy, because simply, I'm queer, he's not, and the thought of kissing or dating is unappealing but maybe I'd hold his hand if he wanted to.

It was year 11 and I have selected Entertainment to fulfill my introverted, socially anxious and autistic (self-diagnosed) theatre kid dreams. My best friend is also in this class. There is also the Boy. I know little about him except he's a musical prodigy and a diligent student from the selective stream. He's really chill but his superior talents made me feel bad about myself as a former gifted kid. We didn't talk much outside of class but our conversations alongside my best friend were enjoyable and I could always make a joke.

Early on I definitely didn't have any attraction to him because well, I had my fill of guys in a sense beyond friend, stranger or disgusting from the past year.

I don't know when or how, but we become friends :) or at least, that ambiguous and honestly, shallow "hey we talk a lot and share common interests" level of friendship. The first time I think we connected was when we talked music. I love. Love love love BTS. My best friends don't understand and that kinda makes me sad so I was ecstatic when he said he likes them too! and thinks they're cool!! I only had two irl army friends so it was so cool to me that I found someone who was into them and into musicology :0 Later on we went to a BTS in-cinema concert together and it was super fun but honestly, I paid more attention to my boys than him lmao

Little more than halfway through year 12 now and we've gotten closer. He even confided in me about his crush on his girl friend. I definitely consider him a good friend but he's not the best at communicating online since he isn't chronically online heh

Most recently, he gave me a ride home after the hell day of my last two assignments. He was really nice after my terrible performance so that experience really lodged this thought in my head. "Really nice" being he complimented it as I sat down, starting to disassociate but nobody noticed except for one other classmate like two days after the fact. Anyway, highlight of that day was that car ride home with me, him and his generous mom who obliged on such short notice. I really didn't want to carry my guitar back home or else I would have probably set it on fire somehow after crying into it. Honestly, I was full on prepared to spend the rest of that evening depressed and full of rage but that kindness really brought me back up. Our little exchange echoes in my head and is as vivid as if I look out the window, I remember. As he helped me get my guitar out from the back of the car I told him, "Your mom's really nice," he smiles and says thanks. I get bold, "You're really nice too." He only smiles that time. I think I smile back, my face and my feelings don't cooperate that well.

I don't know, I really don't know about what I feel for him. All I know is that after high school I won't see him, probably ever again. He'd never take a romantic or deeper platonic interest in me anyway. I just wish I'd stop thinking about this haha deuces, Tado