#it's not like i didn't try
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I'm at a point where I don't have it in me to fight anymore. I can't do this anymore all this needs to stop. I'm tired
#i just cannot#I've carried enough and I'm tired and i want to stop how is that bad#who will carry this for me if not me#and I can't anymore#this is so unfair#it's not like i didn't try#i did#and now im tired
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Inheritance Cycle - Christopher Paolini Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Galbatorix/Morzan (Inheritance Cycle), Galbatorix & Murtagh Morzansson, Minor or Background Relationship(s) Characters: Galbatorix (Inheritance Cycle), Murtagh Morzansson, Thorn (Mentioned), Morzan (mentioned), Selena (Mentioned), Eragon Shadeslayer (Mentioned) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But only a tiny bit, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Canonical Character Death, it'd take too much time to do all the tags so: Murtagh's canon treatment, with a bit of twisssst~, Character Study, Kind Of, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Mental Health Issues, Possessive Behavior, Angst, Trans Male Character, Hurt No Comfort, or less comfort, Memory Alteration, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Bad Parenting, no beta we die like Selena, set after a hot moment of Thorn's hatching, The Author Regrets Everything, rated for themes
Summary: He was like his father.
#this stuff is only for logged in people#inheritance cycle#the world of eragon#eragon#murtagh#galbatorix#morzan#morzatorix#hi i like to tell people to go to sleep in reasonable hours#you can't see me here past 2#it's not like i didn't try#k love you bye#tonhal pofázik#i'm writing
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please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!
do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!
#i am so sick of writers having to anticipate the most boring#bad-faith readings of their work. i am like - if you use cheese as a currency#okay! as long as the world makes sense to me: cool. cheese tax. moving on.#my job as the reader is to suspend my disbelief and say okay! i am so sick of like#fanfiction authors having to write dissertations#because they had an interesting idea they'd like to try out!!!#just write it! if it doesn't make sense that's someone else's problem!!!#PS OP is autistic. yes sometimes i take things literally at first glance. then i think about it lol#this is so clearly not about accessibility etc. it's about like. girl even i an autistic person#am able to understand ''they probably didn't mean his eyes darkened LITERALLY''
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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God seeing so many yume ships/ocxcanon stuff really makes want to indulge in that stuff but I'm just too scared to do it.
#It's not like I didn't try#I have drawn those privately and have posted at least twice about it#But still I'm too scared to do it#How'd y'all do it?
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okay so post epic odyssey where odysseus and Penelope have surfaced from their room finally and he and diomedes are catching up I'm imagining the conversation going something like this
Odysseus: so then I gave up being merciful and became the monster.
Diomedes:....you tried being merciful?
Odysseus: Yes?
Diomedes: you did? You tried being a good merciful person? You?
Odysseus: Yah okay fuck off it was polties dying wish. I had to try.
Diomedes:.....90% of the war crimes in the Trojan war were suggested, planned out, and carried out by you. We literally stoned to death the guy you had a personal grudge against. We framed him for treason and stoned him to death. 70% of why Athena liked you was because she thought she knew all the ways to kill someone and then you'd suggest something insane and I'd see her taking notes. You literally gave Ajex a psyoctic break just being yourself.
Odysseus: shut up
Diomedes: I'm not wrong. Did you tell Penelope about your attempt to be a good person?
Odysseus: What? Of course I did. I told her everything.
Diomedes: did she laugh?
Odysseus:...shut up that's not the point
Diomedes: she did didn't she!!!
Odysseus: ANYWAY eurylochus wasn't appreciative of my return to monsterhood and he started causing problems so I
Diomedes: killed him? Yah saw that coming. No shit. I'm so shocked.
#the odyssey#epic the musical#My desire to combind different source materials at all times#Odysseus#Diomedes#Diomedes didn't fuck off to Italy au#Anyway I actually find it hilarious that odysseus for 2 or so years post troy was like what if I try to be a good person#And then was like actually no I was right to be the monster before#Odysseus's insane war crimes that he came up with during the Trojan war#Odysseus and diomedes being war crimes buddies
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get with the Crow-gram, Davrin
#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#dragon age veilguard#rook de riva#lucanis dellamorte#davrin dragon age#Marisol de Riva#illario dellamorte#i have THOUGHTS about illario lol i love him actually#and i encourage lucanis to forgive/spare him because like illario is just doing what he was technically raised to do????#i do think illario spirals a bit when he realizes that zara didn't kill lucanis and instead tortured him#and then a lot of the stupid choices he makes after that are like...trying to “fix” it#but also having read the wigmaker job i'm like...i feel like there's some blood magic or something afoot with illario bc like?? ;-;#but also tho literally every time illario comes up in conversation lucanis is like MY IDIOT COUSIN - if i was illario i'd just start biting
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Did you guys know that Duke's tag on Ao3 only has 7,000 fics? Because I didn't.
#I knew this fandom didn't like Duke but jesus christ#Clark motherfucking kent is in more batman fanfics than duke is#by almost 2x#i mean i know he's a newer character and hasn't been around that long comparatively but god#based this on the number of fics in their tag btw so don't try to accuse me of getting it wrong#batfam#batfamily#batman#dick grayson#richard grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#timothy drake#red robin#damian wayne#damian al ghul#robin#stephanie brown#spoiler#cassandra cain#cassandra wayne#orphan#black bat#batgirl#barbara gordon#duke thomas#the signal
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The Joker was apprehended, sitting on the ground as Batman guarded him, but the kid--"Bruce Wayne's newest ward, how tragic! Hehehe!"--was nowhere to be found. Nightwing and Red Hood desperate searched the warehouse until a shuffling noise grabbed their attention.
A kid, black haired just like the kid in the Joker's broadcast, crawling out of a pile of boxes. "Is it over?" the boy asked quietly.
Nightwing guided him to the only exit, unfortunately walking past the boy's own kidnapper. "Yeah, kid. It's over. Come on-"
Like a shot, the boy rushed the Joker and kicked him right in the balls.
The Joker wheezed like a dying squeaky toy. Red Hood froze. Nightwing immediately snatched the boy up by the armpits, but all that did was give the boy the height to attack again, punting Joker in the jaw. The clown went down and cracked his head on the floor. He did not get back up.
There was a moment of silence before Red Hood roared with laughter, his helmet distorting the sound.
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#dpxdc#dc x dp crossover#c: danny fenton#c: dick grayson#c: jason todd#c: bruce wayne#c: joker#dp x dc prompt#it's ambiguous on purpose but I originally intended for Danny to be deaged? but some people don't like that so it's only implied#Jason hasn't laughed that hard since he died#nightwing is mostly just horrified that he let danny that close to joker to begin with#batman is like “hnn” >:(#why didn't danny escape? its your decision#are his powers not working?#is the joker a ghost he's trying to capture?#is he a hero fanboy who wanted to see the gotham knights in their natural habitat?#whose to say? :)
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"Days will pass, and you'll abandon things you were addicted to, and leave someone, and cancel a dream, and finally, accept a reality."
– Nizar Qabbani
#and finally accept a reality#act like I didn't forget this account plss hahah#will try my best to post here more#dark academia#light academia#excerpts#fragments#poetry#words#spilled writing#poets and writers
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
#warm up#writeblr#this one has bothered me for a bit#any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime#hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying#as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing#like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts#why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge#''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it#ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace#if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible#ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing#the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....
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// Bed time doodles of Sonic.
#//:| my art#// Didn't like how I drew him before so sat down for a few nights to scribble him before bed#Trying to tap into that Evan Stanley goodness //#Sonic#Blaze#Shadow#Sonic the Hedgehog#Blaze the Cat#Shadow the Hedgehog
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Some crickets and grasshoppers and my thoughts about them.
I've always been interested in bugs since I was real small.. I should draw them more often.
#my art#bugs#insects#katydid#grasshopper#cricket#insect art#bug art#crickets and grasshoppers were one of my favorites as a kid because of how fun they were to catch#i've never caught a tree cricket so I didn't include one here.. even though their song is also nice#there are likely anatomically incorrect stuff in these doodles but i was trying to half go off of vibes and memories#grasshopper nymphs are like bunnies to me...
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everywhere I go, various old men want my hat
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hot twink is tied up and penetrated
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A Collection of Homoerotic Paintings of Saint Sebastian
Carlo Saraceni, c. 1610 /// Nicolas Régnier, c. 1620 /// Guido Reni, c. 1625 /// Nicolas Régnier, c. 1625 /// Louis Finson, c. 1613 /// François-Guillaume Ménageot, c. 1760 /// Guido Reni, c. 1615 /// Nicolas Régnier, c. 1620
#academic writings about saint sebastian are so funny cos they're all like:#'yeah he isn't a very important catholic figure or anything. renaissance artists just really liked painting him. hmmm'#the bottom left one. he doesn't even have any arrows. dude you didn't even try to hide what you were doing#renaissance art#renaissance#baroque#baroque art#saint sebastian#gay#< I hope my gay brothers appreciate this#art#oil painting#catholic art
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VIII Strength redraw
#setting: inver#i posted this on patreon aaaaages ago half-finished and then today was like well... i've run out of stuff to do so might as well try this#the original one had a kind of foresty element in the bg and i wanted the cut branches to resemble blood vessels. it didn't quite work#so i just cut out the middle man#artists on tumblr#i sacrificed his arm hair for this o7
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