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psychicdronefemale-ocd · 8 months ago

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Anxiety Dump #2 (Feb 9, 2023)

I haven't really been chronicling (chronicalling?) my feelings and my ups and downs the way I've meant to. But I think it is a positive and important thing to do. I find that I turn to journaling when I'm feeling the worst, when I'm so overwhelmed that I need to scream into the void and beg it for relief. But this creates a very skewed sample of notes. I need to journal when I'm feeling medium, or feeling good, too. But I don't feel compelled.

On December 12, I wrote this in my notebook: "After months of feeling low and anxious, and an indeterminate amounts of weeks feeling overwhelmingly low and anxious, I've had a streak of maybe 3-4 days where I've felt really good and normal. Today when I tried to work I felt a bit overwhelmed again, but this is progress and a good sign. Remember! The worst episdodes always pass, and I am normal/myself at the end of it"

I think that's literally the only time I wrote anything down about feeling ok. A little inspirational note to myself for the next time I felt low. It's an okay sign in that it means I haven't reached that desperate breaking point, but I can be doing better.

A week or so ago I had a very strange and uncomfortable episode where I took a voice recording. Not exactly journalling but just as useful. I got super overwhelmed and confused and flustered and I couldn't think straight and I didn't trust my perception of reality. It was when I was driving home from work one day. I started thinking about the subconcious things we do, and how we perform little actions completely without thought. I wondered, what part of me drives these actions? I think I slightly spiralled about the "what ifs" around these actions that are seemingly automatic, not contemplated/considered beforehand. And I spiralled about what it means in regards to identity and self… these actions are not driven by the voice in my head or any internal dialogue at all. Who is it then? What parts of myself exist and compell me to action without "me" knowing they exist? What is "me"? How do I control "me" and my actions? How do I shape something that I'm unaware of?

I'm apprehensive to replay them in the case that they trigger me, but I'm going to give it a shot. This was recorded while driving. I started feeling extremely panic-y and drifty outside of my body and confused. For no real reason at all. To ground myself, I started talking to myself, trying to articulate the feeling/thoughts because nothing in my head made sense.

(Oh, based on title of voice recording, it was Jan 26 - two weeks ago, and I think that did correlate to PMS/my period).

"I just want to see if I'm making sense. So, I'm experiencing these new feelings/new reactions to familiar situations, and I'm struggling to do things that I don't think I should struggle with. Maybe thats okay, maybe that happens sometimes, when you get overwhelmed with life, maybe you're healths not right, maybe you've got your period, maybe there's this big pile of stuff like finding out your friend is dying, um, that makes you a little bit less functional. I don't know! When I… in my head I don't make sense, I don't feel coherent, I can't follow my thoughts. It's all swirly and I don't know why, it's just kind of noisy and weird and something feels unfamiliar. I don't feel like, normal, or myself, or familiar inside my own head. I don't recognize … it doesn't feel comfy, it doesn't feel like that's Janna that I know. But you know what, I have to remind myself, like sometimes I do feel like myself. Like me. Um, and there was a big length of time where I really didn't, and like, I came back. You know? I found myself… I mean I don't know how to describe it, but I wasn't lost. I was overwhelmed. I was going through health stuff. Um, is this a normal practice to say things out loud because your heads too … you can't focus in your own head? I don't know, ugh. I guess that I'm just like, I'm finding myself getting lost in things, getting bogged down in things, and feeling like I do actually know the meaning of "lost" or "bogged down". I don't think that until I experienced the feeling that I'm feeling now that I actually understood what that meant. I thought it just meant getting too into something at the cost of other more important things, but like the feeling that I'm feeling now, is that I get bogged down, claustrophobic, suffocated in a thought, and then I just can't think anymore. And experiencing that, for what feels like the first time, is just really unsettling. Is this normal? When I say this out loud and put words to it, it doesn't sound that out of the normal, or extreme. I think that sometimes people just like break down a little bit and have to step back and move on from a topic. I think that maybe if you have the skills/familiarity, like being able to recognize your emotions then that's what you do, you just say like, this isn't fun or comfortable, this path of thought is too uncomfortable to follow anymore, I'm going to step out of it and go somewhere that is more safe, or whatever. Ugh. In don't know, I mean, when I hear myself out loud I feel like I am making sense. I don't feel like reality is tearing. I don't feel like I'm dissociating, or like my brain is frying. I mean, I do think its a negative feedback loop. I think its a very literal negative feedback loop. That's another thing that I don't think I really knew the meaning of - negative feedback loop. When I first started thinking of that term I was like "ok a negative feedback loop is when you think unproductive thoughts that go in a cycle of non-productivity because of their content", if that makes sense. Just unproductive thinking, poor problem solving, um, I can't really think of any example. It doesn't really matter. The negative feedback loop that I feel like I'm experiencing right now is LITERALLY a negative feedback loop of just like, power moved.. this loop isn't looping anymore, it's just looping, looping, loopin' to nothin'. Hahaha. Maybe that's what that term is supposed to mean. It kind makes sense. Maybe its supposed to mean both things. I don't know, I just… it's a really uncomfortable feeling to not feel familiar in your own brain, to try to follow these pathways that aren't actually there, or you know like, go down these familiar roads of thought and just find that you're like, stuck. You're dead, you're, like… it's causing you panic, it's causing you confusion. It's…. I don't know, like, in a way I don't even feel panic I just, in this moment, I feel kind of nothing and it's really weird. And I'm like, searching myself for what I'm feeling, what I'm supposed to be feeling, and I just don't know."

So I got to my house, went inside feeling very strange and uncomfortable. I decided to take a bath. The loud noise of water in the bathtub was soothing, somewhat. I recorded another note.

"I think I just ID'd the negative feedback loop. It's that I'm trying to problem solve, but there's no solve. I just have to wait, and trust. And that is really how I'm feeling, and um, [muffled] ….all of its structures and all of its patterns… problem solving… There's some days, when you just don't feel good, and there might not be a reason… but you just have to be like "I don't feel good and this might happen from time to time, and I'm not going to think about 'what does this mean' or 'what's going to happen in the future'". You just have to be like, I don't feel good, and this will pass, it always passes. And just do my best to take care of myself in the meantime. I guess that's another thing, like, sometimes I just find myself, like, "how do I help myself?" "how do i get through this" [muffled] … But also, I was distracted, [muffled]… But that's when I got really fucked up, when I started thinking about why we do things. Like, why do I gesture like this? Why do I look at my phone in the passenger seat? I don't think a thought. I just do it. And that part of me seems to be a … I don't wanna say responsible because I look at my phone while driving and stuff, but I think its [**loud water noises]… the voice that's saying "somethings wrong and you've gotta fix it" and "this means this, and that means that" and like, I don't even know, like an awareness of all the components of me, and my actions and my life [inaudible]… triggered a shutdown sequence, a meltdown. When I say that out loud it seems normal, like that could happen to somebody else. I don't know about me, but um, …. mental phenomenon like that. I don't know. My body is going through a change, and I am going through a change, on the road to feeling better, and [inaudible] getting off the rollercoaster, and there's more consistent, stable days to come. It's just so weird, because like, when I think of a me that I'm familiar with, I think that I'm pretty stable, pretty mental, pretty mind-y, haha. Um, I've got a lot of stock in my thoughts. But there's, you know, like, who pulls the strings of my body? It's not my invasive thoughts. It's not at all. It's not the weird voice or thought that says "what if" and that fears the worst case scenario. So that's nice. And it's not the confused voice. There's something behind that that's pressing the shut down button. What is it? My mom would say its God… This bath made me feel better. But maybe its the epsom salts, it's autism and I need magnesium, haha. Maybe I need medication, maybe when I feel like this I need to take ativan. But like, oof, is ativan the one? I'm a little terrified of dissociating, I'm like… what if I'm not actually in the bath right now, what if I'm actually wreaking havok on my life and doing something destructive and horrible and I don't even know it. But like, what do you do with a thought like that? It's a horror movie, it's not reality. But sometimes reality is pretty bad. Um… I don't know. Whats the moral of the story? What is a negative feedback loop? It's me trying to get out of myself, out of my head, trying to help, trying to do something. Instead of like, surrendering and being like "what is the feeling" and that's probably got something to do with it, that I won't surrender to the feeling. How can I feel the feeling if I'm feeling things in response to the feeling and those things are this strong panic feeling? It's a cascade. And the thing that frightened me so much in the beginning is pretty hard to find in that big pile of feelings. Especially ones that scream the most scary thing they can. Sigh. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know the tool, maybe I have to read more books. Haha. But, for now, I'm ok."

*I think here I am talking about my tendency to want to instantly react to negative thoughts, feelings, etc, and to problem solve them and address them immediately. I am very direct and forward and I don't like to avoid problems, I like to face them head on and solve them. I don't like to sit with my bad feelings or my bad thoughts. And I don't like to run from them either. I try to confront them and solve them. But sometimes I just can't, especially not on my own. **I think here I am talking about how that subconcious part of me that just does things without thought seems responsible, seems trustworthy. it really freaked me out to think about a part of me that isn't conciously engaged in a mental dialogue. like, how do I evaluate the motives of this aspect of myself? How do I regulate its behavior? It freaks me out now as well, honestly. But it seems wise, it seems consistent. It doesn't act erratic or unpredictable. But why?

end of messages

I ended on some wisdom there, for sure, but it is scary to just suddenly feel paralysingly high on your own thoughts. Reading back on that, I did feel a lighter version of that head-swirl feeling today. Like my thoughts take the form of bees buzzing, or spiders skittering, rather than anything I can actually grasp and focus on.

I hate that I can't trust my own thoughts, my own mind. I hate that I have to contemplate every thought that I have and wonder, is this an intrusive thought? a sabbotaging thought? or is it actually reality? I think it's created some interesting or useful or positive mental effects, just in terms of critical thinking maybe, but it's also sometimes feels like I'm gaslighting myself eternally. BUT! That's why I want to keep writing. Writing in all moods, writing on many days over periods of time. There's lots to learn about myself, and I think that writing is an excellent tool for making a certain voice in my head come forward, for revealing themes, etc.

But… lol…. now I'm talking about voices in my head. I really wish I had a better understanding of the mind/brain/etc. There has to be a way to describe this without sounding crazy. But also, thinking about this has suddenly gotten super overwhelming. It's that "too high" feeling again. I will take a break and relax now. Bath and stardew, or vampire survivors!

#obsessive compulsive disorder #mental illness #panic attack

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missmentelle · 5 years ago

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Hello So i'm about to move from my parents house into an aprtment with my best friend and her friend as roomates. Do you've got any tips on how to make sure we won't get into huge fights, learning how to be responisble with the bugdet and getting to know her friend more? I am really stressed out about it but there's no going back now

It can definitely be nerve-wracking to live with people you aren’t related to for the first time, whether you are moving in with friends, your partner, or random roommates off the internet. I’ve lived with many, many people over the years - most of them strangers I found online - and the best advice I can give you to make the experience more pleasant is to set ground rules and boundaries early, and to make sure that everyone is on the same page. Even close friends can have very different expectations when it comes to sharing a living space, and the big things that you’ll probably want to figure out are:

Shared expenses. Are common staples like margarine, ketchup, salt, dish soap, toilet paper and cooking oil going to be shared by the entire household, or does everyone have to buy their own? If you are sharing stuff, can one person decide to just go buy stuff that’s running low and ask for reimbursement, or do you all need to agree in advance? My roommates and I used to keep a communal list on the fridge that one person would use to make our monthly Costco run, and we’d all just pay one-third of whatever the total ended up being. You might prefer a similar approach, or you might just take turns paying - ie “I bought the last pack of toilet paper, now you buy the next one”. It depends on your budget, and how good your housemates are about holding up their end of the bargain. If you are on a smaller budget than others, or if one roommate tends to use more than their fair share, it might be less of a headache if everyone just buys their own stuff. It’s also important to figure out how rent and bills will be paid - whose name are they in? Are you paying rent with three separate cheques, or is one person writing a cheque for the whole rent? If one person is writing a cheque, when do you need to give them your portion of the rent each month?

Shared household items and appliances. If everyone has brought some kitchen items - cups, mugs, plates, etc - into the household, is every item totally up for grabs, or are there any special items (like a favourite mug or expensive blender) that not everyone is allowed to use? How is fridge and pantry space going to be divided? Are everyone’s items just put into the cupboards together, or do you each get a cupboard for the things you individually own? Does anyone have any allergies or dietary restrictions - like Kosher or Halal requirements - that make it important for other people to not use their dishes? My roommates and I always put our kitchen stuff together in a jumble and just went with it, but I have friends with strict Kosher roommates who cannot share any kitchenware at all. Will you all chip in to buy shared items like a couch and coffee table, or will one person buy the item and own it by themselves?

Chore schedule. Different people have different standards of cleanliness, and it’s important to figure out how often cleaning should be done so that no one feels like they’re living in a hovel. How quickly should people be doing their dishes - as soon as they’ve finished cooking? Within 24 hours? Or will you eat together and take turns washing dishes? How often will non-daily chores - like mopping the floors, cleaning the shower stall, and cleaning the oven - be done, and who will do them? My roommates and I used to block out 2-3 hours every Sunday as “cleaning time” when we would all deep-clean the apartment together, but you might prefer to have assigned individual chores that you can do on your own time.

Guest policy. Overnight guests and partners are probably one of the biggest sources of tension in a roommate relationship. Namely, how long can you have a guest stay in the apartment with you before they need to start chipping in with the bills? Do you need to give the other roommates advance notice before a guest comes to stay for a while? How many days out of the month can someone’s partner stay over before they effectively become part of the household and need to pitch in with bills and chores? Is it even okay if someone’s partner is staying over constantly, or are you not cool with that at all? Are roommates allowed to give their partners a key to the apartment, or does everyone in the apartment need to be on board before that can happen? My roommates and I had a lot of long-term guests in our tiny Manhattan apartment, but that only went smoothly because everyone was 100% okay with having long-term guests, and we had a hard limit on how many days someone could stay out of the month before they needed to start putting money in our “toilet paper and dish soap” fund.

Shower schedule. If everyone in the apartment is working on a similar Monday-Friday, 9-5 schedule (which is less likely to be the case these days, but still), it’s important to work out a basic schedule for who gets to shower when in the mornings. There is nothing that will make you want to flip out on your roommate quite like being late for work because they took a 45-minute shower when you needed to get ready. If you don’t each have your own ensuite bathroom, figure out who gets the bathroom when in the mornings, or decide who is going to shower at night to avoid conflict.

Quiet hours. At what hours of the day is it inconsiderate for a roommate to be making noise or watching TV in common areas while people are trying to sleep? The answer may depend on the layout of the apartment, your individual work schedules, and how sensitive everyone is to noise. If you have roommates that work nights or are working from home during the day and need quiet for their conference calls, that’s something else to keep in mind.

Breaking the lease. What happens if something comes up, and one person needs to leave before the lease is over? How much notice do they need to give the other roommates? Is it the departing roommate’s responsibility to find someone to take over their bedroom, or would the remaining roommates rather choose who they are living with? If you all pitched in to make a big purchase together - like a couch or a kitchen table - how will that work if one person leaves the lease? And how will the damage deposit be handled? The majority of leases I’ve been on have not had all the original roommates stay until the end, and it was important to plan for that in advance so that no one felt like they’d been tricked into living with someone new that they never agreed to live with.

Above all, the secret to living with roommates is to communicate, and to try to be as considerate of others as you can. The way that you live and manage your finances directly affects your roommates’ quality of life, and everyone needs to put in some serious effort to make sure that everyone gets to enjoy the living space that they are paying for. The money stuff is especially important - talk to your roommates ahead of time about what costs you will be sharing and what costs you won’t, and make sure that you are setting aside the money you need for shared expenses each month so that no one is left holding the bag. And be sure to speak up if other roommates aren’t respecting your needs either - the occasional dirty coffee cup left in the sink or wine spilled on the rug is just a part of life and probably not worth fighting over, but if someone is consistently neglecting their chores, making huge messes, making lots of noise at night or failing to pay their fair share of household expenses, that’s a situation that you need to speak up about, so that you can all try to find a way to resolve the issue. Living with a friend, roommate or partner is all about finding a balance between accommodating other people and sticking up for yourself, and it’s a balance that will be become easier with time.

It’s also important to find time to just enjoy hanging out with your roommates. Yes, living with other people can be scary and stressful, and there may be times when you’re ready to scream because someone ate your ice cream without permission and no one remembered to buy more toilet paper, but there will also be good times, especially if you are living with someone you are already friends with. Some of the best memories of my early 20s were just from hanging out with my roommates - like the time that we got drunk on cheap wine and painted some silly paintings because we couldn’t afford to decorate the apartment properly, or the time we got a huge box of breakfast food from the local diner and stayed up all night watching Game of Thrones, or the time we had to spend all day taking all our IKEA furniture apart in the lobby and carrying it up to our walk-up piece by piece because none of us could lift the boxes, and we barely made it up the stairs because we were laughing so hard. Being young and kind of broke and living with your friends can be a very fun time in your life, and it’s important to enjoy it - hang out together, do silly things, enjoy making mistakes because none of you have any real idea what you’re doing. Just because you have financial responsibilities and a chore chart doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun. Best of luck to you! Miss Mentelle

#Anonymous

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ambivalent-anarchy · 4 years ago

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You've Got Moves (Part 2)

Masterlist

Part 1

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warning: None

A/N: Better late than never, right?😂😂 (wow 2 fics in one week that's crazyyy) Also I put one of my favorite comedy tiktoks in the dialogue soooooo oops? Also Harry and Ned are wingmen who share one brain cell and I like it that way

I might make one more part to this but idk

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It took 7 months for Peter to ask you out.

It took the time for MJ and Asher to become a couple, homecoming to go by, MJ and Asher to break up, winter formal, midterm exams, MJ and Asher to get back together, and Christmas to go before Peter Parker gathered the guts to even consider thinking about asking you out.

Scared wasn't even the word for it.

Harry Osborn, the new transfer student, laughed at how nervous Peter was at lunch. "Asking girls out is easy, Peter. I do it all the time!"

"You say it like it's the simplest thing on earth," Peter dreaded, to which Harry shrugged.

"Because it is! You just ask. How is it that I've only been at this school for 2 months and I've had more chicks than both you and Ned combined?"

"Hooking up is not a hobby of mine. That's why," Peter retorted with a pitifully unintimidating glare.

Harry shrugged with his shit-eating grin. "It's not my fault the girls and gays can't resist these lips."

Ned chimed in as he threw a french fry into his mouth. "Peter, this isn't like Liz last year. You and [Y/N] are already really close, dude. I'm sure you can just ask her. Who knows? She might say yes!"

"But what if she says no?," Peter groaned. "Then I'll just be one of those people she avoids and barely talks to out of awkwardness." He shifted in his seat nervously. "I don't want that."

"But if you don't say anything then you'll always regret it," Ned pointed out.

Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. "Peter, pull out your phone."

Peter raised his eyebrows in confusion, but followed Harry's instructions.

"Go to her in messages and say 'hey let's get dinner'." He smiled. "See? Simple."

Peter opened your messages in his phone and stared at your profile picture.

'You can do this, Peter. You can do this.'

He bit his lip. "Okay but should I say, 'let's get dinner' or 'do you want to get dinner'?" Seeing Harry's impatient face, he explained himself. "I just feel like those two sentences have completely different vibes, y'know?"

Harry glared at him. "Are you really about to have us telling you what to tell your crush like a bunch of girls?"

Peter didn't know how to answer that question seriously. "Uh...yes?"

Harry pondered the question for a small bit before simply shrugging and answering. "Hmm, go with 'let's get dinner', so you'll sound all confident and assertive."

"Okay."

Before Peter could press send without thinking twice, Ned stopped him. "Well, actually now you sound a little aggressive, man."

"Really?," Peter asked with a wince, immediately erasing the message.

"Yeah, I mean the last thing you wanna be like is the guy that's all like 'let's get dinner' like you're some kind of caveman."

Peter groaned. "Oh no, definitely not."

Ned ate another fry. "You want to ask her to dinner, not tell her to dinner."

"I'll go with 'do you want to get dinner' then," Peter said with a nod.

That one didn't sit well with Harry. "No Pete. Cuz now you sound like a pussy."

Peter slammed his phone onto the lunch table. "This stuff is tough!"

Ned turned towards Harry. "No but listen. The last thing Peter wants to do is come off as the overly masculine type that's all like 'let's get dinner cuz I'm the breadwinner, bitch', y'know?"

Harry shook his head. "Yeah but women also love assertiveness. You have to know what you want."

Peter stared at the table, desperately wanting the conversation to be over. Why would he even go to these two for relationship advice? Harry was the king of hookups and Ned's relationships never lasted longer than a few weeks. What was he thinking? For a guy with a 4.5 GPA, he sure did feel stupid.

"I got it!," Ned exclaimed. "Okay. Text her this. 'Dinner would be something that I would enjoy taking you on, but only if YOU were also interested in attending the meal'." He held his hands up for praise.

Harry nodded. "Mhm. Perfect balance. And the more words the better."

Peter just stared back at them, wondering where he'd gone wrong in life. "...no.... I'm not gonna send her that."

Harry shrugged. "Welp,' he sighed. "I guess some people just don't want to be helped."

So close to slamming his head into the table in front of him, Peter felt a tsunami of relief hit when he saw Asher walk into the cafeteria.

Asher was your best friend. If anyone knew the proper way you'd want to be asked out, it'd be him.

The second Asher noticed Peter looking at him, he made his way over. "Hey Peter. What's up?," he asked as he found an empty seat.

Harry spoke up before Peter had the chance. "Hey Ash. Pick one. 'Let's get dinner' or 'do you want to get dinner'."

Asher thought for a second. "Depends on the girl," he said before taking a bite into his apple. "-but 'do you want to get dinner' is nicer. Why?"

Harry slammed his fist on the table. "Damn it!"

"Yes!," Ned cheered.

Asher looked around the table. "Okay, by why?"

Harry and Ned went quiet and looked to Peter, who was staring anywhere to avoid eye contact. He began to mumble pitifully."I....I-i wanna.. I wanna-"

Harry and Ned spoke up, already tired of the conversation not getting anywhere. "He wants to ask-"

"-I wanna ask [Y/N] out!," he blurted, feeling his cheeks start to burn when Asher's smirk turned into a wide grin.

"Well it's about time!," he exclaimed. "She's been crazy about you since you met."

"Really? She has?," Peter asked. That wasn't even in the realm of possibility in his mind.

Asher nodded. "She's always going off to me about how-" he mocked your higher pitched voice. "I've been dropping him hints since, like, foreverrrr!"

"Seriously?! She has?"

Ned laughed. "Well Peter. She has been calling you cute since the day she met you..."

"But I just always thought it was the friendly kind of cute, y'know?," he rambled. "Not the boyfriend type cute!"

"How many girls are out here calling you cute for you to make that assumption, dude?," Harry asked.

Asher sighed. "So this is what it's like to have low confidence." He shook his head and gave Peter a disappointed look. "I can't say I like witnessing this, Pete."

"Just-" Peter groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. "Just tell me what will work, okay? I need to ask her out perfectly."

Asher tilted his head in confusion. "She's a simple girl. You just have to straight up ask her out. What's the confusion there?"

"That's what I said!," Harry yelled.

"You know he's got to make it difficult for himself for no reason," Ned pointed out.

"Okay can we all talk about how terrible I am at this after you help me?," Peter begged.

"...yeah."

"Sure."

"Ugh, fine."

Peter sighed. "Alright. So?"

"What are you going for?," Asher asked. "Like a gift or something?"

"I just want whatever's the absolute best way to ask her out."

Asher pinched the bridge of his nose. If he was gonna set you up with your crush, he wanted it to happen right.

"Okay," he said, staring Peter in the eyes with a new sort of intensity. "Think about your best moments with her. Now pick something special from all those moments and voila! You'll have it!"

Peter nodded and stared at the ground as he thought for a while about everything he'd done with you since the beginning of school. You were truly the most extraordinary, most confident girl he'd ever met.

Every time he'd thought you couldn't get more perfect, you'd just show him another side of you that was better than the rest. He always stayed endlessly impressed and most of all, he felt as if he didn't have to try too hard with you. He could be himself and mess up as many times as he could manage and you still stuck around, showing him that there needn't be any worries.

And your style? Fuck, you could make anything work for him. You were the only one who could get him out of his comfort zone and in front of a camera, for something as frivolous as a TikTok. But he'd always do it, and even find the fun in it, because it made you happy.

"Remember how we freaked out that first time when she called you cute, Pete?," Ned said. "She said that you were cute and that you only had to put it use!"

Harry laughed. "This girl is literally giving you the instructions, Peter. Take them."

"Hmm." Peter looked up with a smile and snapped his fingers. "I got it."

You tossed popcorn into your mouth and snuggled yourself further into the blanket. "Ash, how can you even say that? 'It' is a horror movie!"

"Yeah, technically," he retorted. "But there's literally not a single part of the movie that's scary. It's more of a drama than anything else."

"You realize the clown phobia rate skyrocketed when the movie came out right?"

Asher scoffed. "Uh, your point? It's not my fault some pussies couldn't sit through it. Still a drama. The story definitely played with your emotions more than your fears."

"Whateverrrr," you laughed. "I can't deal with you."

"Pennywise literally got up and did this," he said before breaking out into Pennywise's dance. He laughed as he kicked his legs out. "What kind of horror movie has this crap in it?" He stopped when he felt the full force of you throwing a pillow on his face. "Ugh!"

"Sit down and get under the covers, idiot," you hissed. "I wanna keep watching these HORROR films."

"Whateverrrr," he drawled out, mocking you. He sighed and plopped down next to you, grabbing a handful of popcorn after.

When school was getting suffocating, marathoning horror movies with Asher were a must. He had an endless repertoire and all the time in the world for his best friend.

Halfway through 'It: Chapter 2' though, the movie was the least of your focus and instead was TikTok.

What could you say? The app was addictive.

It was a big, entertaining, completely useless collage of everything every no-name had to offer, from stupid debates to cringey POV's to fun dance routines.

You tried to hook every friend you could on it. Asher, of course, already knew about it since it first came out and he, of course, had thousands of followers because most of what he posted was random thirsts traps whenever he was feeling hot, which was always. And thirsts traps are always in high demand for the people on TikTok.

You tried to hook MJ on it, but she'd already decided that she didn't like it before even giving it a chance. Even the messy, political side didn't reel her in.

Of course then there was Peter, who didn't know was TikTok even was before he met you. You made it your sole mission to get him hooked, but you'd since given up on that. It was a lost cause. The only time he probably ever saw TikTok nowadays was when he was doing dances with you before gym started. He let you put the app on his phone but he never used it. You wouldn't even put it past him to have deleted it, but it was whatever. TikTok had started his friendship with you, so needless to say, it'd done an amazing job in your life.

Plus your followers were always asking about him. All of the "omg couple goalssss" and "you guys look so cute together" served as massive confidence boosters. A girl can dream, right?

You shifted over a bit when you felt Ash getting closer and closer to you.

When he moved over again, you scooted away, only for him to get closer again. "Ash, what is your deal?"

"Easy there," he chuckled, backing up a little. "I'm looking at the phone, not you."

"You've been all up in my phone all day, what's up?"

"I can't tell you," he shrugged, a sly smirk stretching across his face. "But," he pointed to your tiny screen. "Some idiot is taking wayyyy too long to shoot his shot."

"Shoot his shot?" You gasped. "Who?"

"I'm not at liberty to say," he said with a smirk.

"Nooooo," you whined. "If someone has a crush on me you gotta spill! C'mon, please?"

He laughed and repeated himself. "I'm sorry, but I am not at liberty to say!"

"Bullshit! Who is it? C'mon! C'monnnnnn!"

He shrugged and this time you knew that he was dead set on not giving up the mystery guy.

"Ugh," you pouted. "Fine. Let's just finish the stupid movie."

"Kids next door, battle stations!!!!"

And now it was sometime after midnight. The popcorn was all gone. The movie was done and now you were watching old cartoons so that the horror movie wouldn't be the last thing on your mind before bed.

Looking over, you saw that Asher didn't need any cartoons like you did. He was already passed out, snoring as loud as ever.

Grumbling in boredom, you stared at the wall, trying to connect the tiny dots in the designs. It was like something was officially keeping you from being able to fall asleep.

*Ding!*

At the sound of your phone receiving a text, you sat up curiously. Who was texting you at this hour?

You smiled when you saw that it was Peter.

Pete: hey y/n

You were about to send him a quick,"why are you up this late" text, but he kept typing.

Pete: pls dont judge me too hard for this

With that completely vague warning, you furrowed your eyebrows, concerned.

Y/n: whats up r u okay

He sent you a link next, which confused you, but not as much as when you actually pressed it.

It led you to TikTok, and the video was waiting to be pressed to start. Peter was standing in the middle of the screen with one of his typical corny sweatshirts on. The caption at the top read: "For [Y/N] Only". Smiling already, you quickly pressed play.

You slapped your hand over your mouth. "Oh my God."

"So he finally got the guts, huh?," Asher mumbled, having woken up from the loud music on your phone but was still half-asleep.

"Oh I'm sorry, did I wake you?," you asked. You turned down your phone.

"Don't worry about me, you just got a boyfriend," he chuckled, moving to lay down so he could get to sleep again. "Text him back for god's sake."

~~~

Y/n: its been almost a whole year and youre still so cute when you make those

Pete: haha thanks

Pete: uh

Pete: i really like you y/n

Pete: do u think you'd wanna go out with me or get dinner sometime?

~~~

"He asked me out," you gasped. "Ash, he asked me out!"

Asher rolled over and groaned. "I thought that was already established? Jesus, you two couldn't possibly be moving any slower."

You rolled your eyes. "Fuck you."

"Nah, you're with Peter now," he laughed. "You're gonna have to fuck him instead!" That comment earned him another pillow to the face.

You looked back at the messages and sent a tiny cute one. You smirked at the new idea of what was about to happen and turned it off before going to sleep.

~~~

Y/n: kiss me at school tomorrow and find out

~~~

Didn't do a third edit cuz I got lazy but I'm pretty happy with the turnout anyway. Thanks for reading!

Tagging: @allegra-writes, @allegra-soleil, @yumings, @hey-its-grey, @spideyyeet, @sunkissedspidey, @tommyunderoos, @chaoticpete, @snarky--starky, @sovereignparker, @thesherlockianavenger, @bubblebucky, @kelieah, @eridanuswave, @ithoughtthiswastwitterbutfr, @kidney9-9, @gwenvrse

74 notes · View notes

aestheticsuwu · 4 years ago

Text

🌅Found Peace In Your Violence 🌅

Dean Winchester x Castiel

..... ..... ......... ....... ............ ....... .......

Moving to a new place for a new start was always hard for Castiel . He wasn't really a people person , not because he didn't like them . It was just that his " people skills " are " rusty " as he likes to say .

His mother and Father liked to adopt & foster until they divorced .

Father had gotten custody of everyone and got remarried to Becky , my mother used to call her the annoying , crazy ,bitch etc , etc . He wonders how she's doing , she wasn't quite the best mother but he still remembers everyone that comes and goes from his life .

His family was weird , they weren't like other family's. It always seemed to be a competition among each other . It even caused almost half his siblings to leave and never look back . Anna is probably living the craziest life with no rules .

Balthazer is probably running a fashion line . Or maybe there all with Lucifer breaking the rules and rebelling to everything. Although he thinks Balthazar would have gone far away from those three . He was the one he miss the most .

Father doesn't like talking about them , maybe he doesn't cares . We were after all kids he took in his home to create a batallion of soldiers that's what Gabriel says all the time . It was now 9 members of the family that was left . His Father , Becky , their son Alfie , Michael the oldest , Gabriel the trickster, Eileen Leahy his favorite sister , she was the last child to be recruited from the foster house . I was the youngest one from the rest of the herd .

..... ..... .....

His Mother was the first to go , should he still call her that . Once the divorce papers was filed , Naomi packed her stuff and slammed the door shut . Castiel waited for her to come back that night . Hours went by but she never came back .

Anna soon left after , She had left in there middle of the night .

Father wasn't upset he just announced that we should move soon .

3 week before moving , dad and Raphael had a fight . Father faced him and gave him ultimatum, it had seemed for a while everything was alright . But Lucifer had other plans ,he had managed to convince raph that he shouldn't listen to father .

The move was cancelled , and when Gabriel had started prank wars against everyone Father wasn't even there to ground him . Balthazar told his siblings that he would soon move out he was 18 after all . He talked about his dreams , plans and adventures . Michael and lucifer didn't sticked around to listen only Gabriel, Eileen, and him .

He promised that every time he would go visit a different place he would bring back souvenirs . And once he was stabled they would take a family trip together .

In their last hug castiel didn't want to let go , something told him that he wasn't gonna see him anymore .

When he was 15 , standing near the porch in front the house waiting for Balthazar to appear until father shouted his name . They had to get on the road to head to their new home . All he could do was hold Eileen and Gabriel's hand .

..... ... .....

Everything was calm , other than the fear of not knowing if you were the next victim of Gabriel's prank list .

Eileen was teaching him to get better at sign language . Michael was going to college while Lucifer was only 17 but seemed no to be interested in school . Becky had Alfie. Silence didn't exist in the household .

. And for once he had a friend , He was kinda surprised she stucked around.

Her name was Kelly Kline , she was in the debate team and a Straight A student . He met her through Eileen . He understood why they both got along . Both were strong minded girls and didn't let anybody tell them shit .

Kelly wanted to make a change and she wanted both Eileen and him to help her . And to this day he doesn't understand why the world took her away soon .

She was pretty , she had raven hair and had a kind smile . She taught him good things can come out of the bad things . She made him want to do things he normally wouldn't do .

So he honestly didn't understand what she saw in Lucifer. They would constantly bicker but yet they were together . Eileen would just let him rant about bees because she preferred that instead of seeing him wallow .

Gabriel would often give him advice that would make her be interested but it usually involve some porno Gabe once watched . And Castiel usually didn't know If he was kidding or not .

But then suddenly His brother and best friend broke up . Kelly wanted to go out and forget she ever dated an asshole . Lucky for her They were invited to a party .

He doesn't quite remember that much of that night .

" Are you sure you want to do this . I think we are extremely intoxicated and not in our right minds . And we might doing a mistake that we will regret , I'm not saying I regret making out with you cause your an amazing girl I have ever meet besides Eileen but that's different cause she's my sister and I don't think of her that way , And now I made this so awkward by bringing up m- "

A hand covering his mouth making him stop ranting . looking up to see her , and the fear he once had just vanished just by looking at her smile

" Castiel ! There are alot of regrets that I have done including that I ever got involve with that douchebag . I just want to make a choice that I know won't end up as a mistake . "

..... ...... .....

That choice was inevitable to hide , not because both Kelly and castiel started a somewhat relationship . It was revealed on a Thursday that Kelly was pregnant .

Lucifer was never one take responsibility for his actions , so he told her to get rid of it .

" yeah I'm not planning to do some father bonding or give up my plans for a baby that might not even be mine . Hey you can't lie and deny that you haven't been jumping back and forth with Novak brothers . But wow really castiel , but look at the bright side you can dump all that responsibility to him . He will believe anything - ".

The sound of the slap that Kelly gave him echoed but it wasn't enough so she kneed him on the balls and lastly punched him .

" I hope you rot in hell , "

That was the last conversation she had with him when Eileen told her he had left the house .

... ..... ..... ..... ....

Father never showed how it affected him when his children left . But now that Lucifer left , he started to drink again and he looked sad .

He shook it off when it had been a week later . It seemed a good time to mention someone pregnancy. Father didn't think the same , he was quite mad , especially when it was revealed that they weren't sure who the father was . He remained calm afterwards when they all agreed it was 90 percent Lucifers .

Castiel was only 18 and now left with the mess of his own brother .

Once he graduated he stopped seeing Kelly for 5 months . Eileen would lecture him how he was being a bad friend , how he should be more supportive. He let 2 more months pass by and he couldn't help but ask Eileen how was Kelly doing .

That's how he end up in her room , Kelly was glowing . She had belly bump , He apologized for not being by her side , for letting their friendship tumble down the drain . She forgave him , discussing what they had missed . Avoiding the topic of the elephant of the room , until the baby kicked .

Castiel loved the baby already .

..... ..... .....

They never really tackled in depth of truth of who was the father . Castiel didn't put mind into it , since he felt the baby move he doesn't know how to explain it . it was like epiphany , a connection.

So he soon took the role , he read books , used the internet , asked some questions from Becky that rambled on and on but he still got information he needed . In favor that he would learn and be ready when his baby would come . He helped Becky with Alfie , at first it was hard but then it was fine

" your gonna be alright , you got this castiel . "

" I hope so . "

... .... ..... .... .... .... .....

It happened so fast , his mind was so confused one second he's in bed and then he's at the hospital . Every time she would scream of pain he felt bad . his hand was hurting from the way she was holding it .She held a grimace from every contraction .

" It hurts so much , I don't think I can't do it . Ahhh baby you have to go easy on mommy . "

She screamed again of agony , she hold his hand tighter as if it would help from the pain .

" You can , your strong and soon we will be at home I'll be taking care of our baby while you rest and sleep . How does that sound ? "

" That sounds like the best idea "

..... ...... ...... ....

He feels like he failed , he could've done something or maybe done something different . He didn't think Kelly would leave him , she promised no to . He guess it wasn't a coincidence, life seemed to take everything from him .

Today was supposed to be the happiest day in his life . Now he's holding onto his siblings , crying seemed it would help but the feeling wouldn't go away .

" Its gonna be alright cassie , it's gonna get better . "

He really hoped Gabe was right .

...

He was following the nurses that was leading him to his baby . He didn't even got to see his newborn , it just happened to fast .

The nurse open the door wide to let him pass , his hands were shaking waiting for her directions .

" Here they are , seems like they were waiting for dad to come see them . Congratulations Mr Novak and I'm sorry for you loss ."

stunned he couldn't answer , he had his eyes only for them . he heard the door close he assumed she left to give him privacy . Tears started to build up but of happiness.

" We're gonna be ok , I will do my best because your all I got . I love you so much , Mommy loved you so much but she had to go rest . I think she deserves it , how ironic how she always said there was an angel watching you over . Now you do , . "

Chuckling , as he wipes away his tears trying to compose himself . Letting out a shaky breath he starts speaking again .

" I guess is time to give you a name , bear this in mind when the time comes be thankful I didn't give you a horrendous name . You in the other hand are lucky because Kelly had already picked out one for you . "

Smiling as they both made a noise that seemed they were going along with him on the conversation.

.... ..... .

" I'm so ready to meet my nephew !! , I'm so excited !!! "

" shhh " " shhhhhhh"

"shh " " Shhh " "sHhhh"

It wasn't like Gabriel was screaming , sheesh these people sometimes , ready to respond he stays quiet when he sees his brother motioning his family to come closer .

" Say Hello to Jack and Claire Novak . "

.... ..... ..... ..... ... .....

His kids were his pride and young , he will admit he struggled at first but with the help of his siblings he catched on . They had already turned two , they were growing so fast . Both are so smart and beautiful .

Claire with her beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair that were in pigtails in the moment . She was a troublemaker but love her endlessly. Jack is his small bee , he was tiny and adorable . The kid loves nougat , he blames it on Gabriel. He also had blonde hair but he had golden eyes .

He wants the best for his kids , thats why he was contemplating on Gabriel's plan to move .

Gabe was planning to open another bakery ,

since his last three was successful and was trying expand his work . Father was quite happy with Gabriel , he helped with everything he could do . As usual Gabe took advantage and stacked up on candy , his response was always with

" he won't even notice , he has enough and more . So shut up and help me decided between those two , who am i kidding Im taking both . "

Eileen was going with Gabriel, something about a fresh start . Michael was only going to keep an eye on his siblings , Fathers orders . And his big brother isn't one to disobey , he was gonna get paid for babysitting gabe . His study's are kept on hold until father says so .

Castiel didn't know what to do . He was a highschool dropout , father of fraternal twins , relying with the money of his father and it wasn't like someone is waiting for him here .

Maybe this would do him good and for his kids .

Gabriel went full on screamed of joy that he had accepted, screaming that they were gonna have a blast . Michael was boxing their stuff fully knowing the trickster of his brother wouldn't do it , he turns to look at the youngest giving him a pointed look .

..... ..... ..... ...

Gabriel was full on rambling of why he choose the location . He wanted a challenge and one of the many things he loves to do is

1: Himself

2:Candy

3: Pranks

4: proving Dad wrong

Once the trickster told his father his plans , he told him no . To him is practically a Yes , he wasn't planning getting him self involved , oh well you gotta do what you gotta do .

Michael was pissed but hey he could just for once say no to dad . Eileen and Castiel and his nephew coming along was the best thing of the trip . He might even admit that he's kinda glad dad forced his big bro to come along .

The perks of having a wealthy father is that they had everything solved . Airplane . Check . Ride CHECK. House check . Moving Truck . Check . Schelduing everything on the same date ...........

It wasn't his fault , who would in their right mind would leave him with all that responsibility. They got to their flight , the ride into country , House was there and with their boxes surrounding it . Hey they got Michael might as well put use to his muscles .

..... .... ... ..... ....

" Only you would do this Gabriel , I don't know why I let you drag me into this "

" Look at the bright side , were surrounded with some hot cowboys " Eileen spoke and signed with a mischievous smirk .

" see cassie , even Eileen not complaining , just relax . Take a deep breath and - Ok you grab that box and I will take the heavier one . "

Gabe said as to fool Michael they were helping but as the annoyed glared they were all receiving it was obviously the 3 younger siblings were just resting .

" Your doing well Michael keep up the good work "

They all burst out laughing when the oldest retorted with a angry 'Shut up ! '

" Maybe we should help " She said & signed to both of them .

" yeah , I'm gonna go check on the kids , they might wake up any --- . "

Turning around to see where the noise was coming from , he took in the sight of a sleek black jaguar . Squinting to block the sun , he hears the person above signalling the horse to halt .

" I wasn't informed new people were moving in , Welcome . "

Removing his stetson , he looks at them but his gaze fall onto the bluest eye he had ever seen and the cutest head tilt . Making his Voice huskier and putting on his best smile he asked .

" Dean Winchester .

Need A Hand , Angel ? "

..... ...... . ... ...... ...... .....

25 notes · View notes

gayoperatorgunclub · 4 years ago

Note

For the ultimate ship meme, Lion and Doc? I'm sorry, I'm LionDoc trash-

it’s all good!! whenever someone sends in an ask, i get an excuse to talk/write about one of my interests! really, it makes me so happy to be able to create content that people hopefully enjoy!! 💝💝💝

General:

How long will they last? - until the end of time, babey

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - it was love at first sight but then they started talking i do think it was some form of ~interest~ in one another at first sight, but then all that drama and lack of communication happened so they didn’t really allow themselves to even dream about the possibility of a relationship. HOWEVER! once lion joined rainbow and they talked their shit out like people who know how to cope, there was a period of a few months that is now referred to as The Four Months of Pining™, during which glaz did a lot of paintings where the subject (who usually bears an uncanny resemblance to doc or lion) is staring at something (or someone) longingly. he calls it his french period. when they finally get together, a LOT of money changes hands. and goes straight into sledge’s pocket (he was the only one who bet that it would take them this long). diana gets a brand new collar (handmade), bed (handmade), dish (handmade), and many new toys (some handmade, some store-bought. sledge’s craftsmanship can only get him so far)

How was their first kiss? - you know how the french are supposed to be super suave and confident??? and how gay people are trying their hardest but they’re just Not Good at things????? (i know these are stereotypes but stay with me). well, with their 5/8 french blood (i hc one of doc’s parents is fully algerian while the other is half french, half algerian), and their 4/4 gay blood, they have an 81.25% chance of success in matters of the heart. sadly, that 18.75% chance of failure came into play during this situation. picture it. doc and lion. romantic, home-cooked dinner. le festin is playing in the background. they’re holding hands over the table. suddenly, doc’s cat goes into labour. all hell breaks loose. lion is getting flashbacks to his son’s birth, so now he’s hyperventilating. doc carries him to the couch and turns on the fan so he can cool off and catch his breath, before carefully moving his cat, Rayie (arabic for gorgeous, pronounced rye-ah) to the living room in his handmade Birthing Box, then grabs a pile of blankets and a heat lamp and situates himself on the ground nearby so he can help her if she needs it. once the kittens are born (they’re twins!! Sadiqi is the boy, and Amirti is the girl!!!) doc makes sure they’re nice and warm and that Rayie is recovering, and gives her pets while she cleans her babies. once the happy family is all settled in for the night, doc walks over to the couch and just. lays down on top of lion. once he’s gotten over the adrenaline of the birth, he takes lion’s face in his hands and says “promise me you’ll be more calm if we ever decide to have kids” and gives him a BIG smooch while lion’s just short-circuiting like “does he know i have a son???? did i forget to mention my son?????? also what about these kittens??? are they not sufficiently childish to count as children????? DOES HE WANT KIDS????? does he want to marry me??????? wait why is he getting so clo-”

Wedding:

Who proposed? - lion. it was the day of their two year anniversary (yes i AM saying they got together the august after outbreak don’t @ me) and they were on vacation at doc’s family’s Secret Beach House. they were vibing on the balcony, watching the sunset, when lion suddenly clears his throat. doc turns to look at him and finds his boyfriend down on one knee, looking like he might flee to Bermuda. he’s reaching for something in his pocket. doc starts laughing. lion, completely misunderstanding his reaction, flushes and stammers out an apology. doc sees this, and immediately stops, though he’s still smiling gleefully as he catches lion by the biceps, then reaches into his own pocket and pulls the ring he was going to give olivier. they exchange rings, giggling like little kids, and spend the rest of the night making out on whatever surfaces are available.

Who is the best man/men? - for lion? montagne. (his son is the ring bearer and doc’s niece is the flower girl). for doc? rook. he’s so happy he gets to participate in his dad’s wedding

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - for lion: finka. for doc: twitch

Who did the most planning? - both of them!! do you know how hard they worked to ensure the ceremony was valid in the eyes of both of their religions

Who stressed the most? - s e e a b o v e

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - lion’s parents. they tried to call him during the reception but doc’s grandma grabbed his phone and started cussing them out, talking about dishonor and how they tried to disown him so they’re not his parents anymore, and besides, his new family absolutely adores him, so really, it’s their loss. once she hangs up, she pulls lion into a hug and he calls her his favorite, if only, grand-mère

Sex:

Who is on top? - who’s topping? lion. but sometimes doc gets bitchy so he gets to set the pace if you know what i mean

Who is the one to instigate things? - they are both lowkey horny 24/7 so 👀👀👀

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now (only because they do get to see each other fairly often. if one goes on a long mission without the other, once they get back they will bump it up to a 10 real quick)

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - idk long enough ig. maybe longer if someone feels they’ve been left ~unsatisfied~ they might go a few more rounds ;))

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - ok it depends on what they’re doing but usually it’s one or two each, but on ~special~ occasions it’s either doc getting edged and denied for hours, OR doc getting forced to come over and over again until he’s begging for something, whether it be more or a goddamn break even he isn’t really sure. either way he’s crying and lion is consistently asking if he needs to safeword and otherwise checking in because they may like it rough but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - unless someone’s hormones and organs get fucked, zero

How many children will they adopt? - probably none?? idk they’ve already got lion’s son and they’re both busy enough with work so

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - NEITHER!!!!! DISGUSTANG!!!!!!!!!

Who is the stricter parent? - god i wanna say both. like lion and his attachment to rules??? but doc and his Mom Friend energy????? but ig lion BUT HE’S NOT STRICT TO THE POINT HE’S A BUZZKILL OR ANYTHING HE’S JUST RESPONSIBLE (he will NOT allow his husband and son to go vandalize the property of some islamaphobic brits, as much as he agrees with the sentiment)

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - doc will only allow vandalism if it’s in the name of righteousness. meaning, he’ll allow their son to spray paint the walls of a goddamn walmart with shit like “eat the rich” and a portrait of robespierre and a guillotine, but it is a HARD NO on defacing places like the library or community center (unless he has a good reason to do so). lion spends his time praying and making sure his son knows which acts of civil disobedience are acceptable and which are distorting their goal

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - doc. he (privately) dreams of retiring (eventually) and living out his lifelong dreams of being a househusband. so

Who is the more loved parent? - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IM GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS. but ig lion??? BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEIR SON HAS KNOWN HIM LONGER. doc is half Dad and half Cool Uncle Who Gives Me Spray Paint And Tells Me To Make Myself Heard (to clarify, i know doc is a pacifist, but im kinda projecting my own sentiment of “we’ve tried to be peaceful but you wouldn’t give us the time of day. now that we’ve “acted out” we’ve gotten your attention, and rest assured, things are going to change.” he won’t hurt anybody, he’s just tired of having to be everyone’s “muslim friend” and educating people on things they could google themselves)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - it used to be lion out of necessity, but when people started asking about his “wife” he was really torn between telling them that he and his son’s mother separated, but now he has a partner and his son seems very happy about it. when doc finally attends a meeting with lion, people really struggle to hide their shock. a few clunky but well-meaning “we support you”’s and “we’re sorry for everything that’s been going on”’s later, doc has used his charm to make friends with literally everyone. from then on, he is on pta duty on behalf of lion and his ex

Who cried the most at graduation? - lion! his parents purposefully didn’t show at his, so it’s a big deal for him to show his son just how proud he is. doc tears up a little too, but manages to mostly keep it together so he can support lion, who spends most of the day heave-crying about how proud he is into his husband’s shoulder. gustave just pats him on the back and tells him that they’ll run out of donuts if they don’t get to the concession stand soon

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - doc. civil disobedience, baby!! he has never been caught. lion fears the law after his youth, so he tries to avoid any visits to law enforcement. he also can’t stand to see his son behind bars

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - doc. househusband, remember?

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - doc, but only because he can be a bit of a spice supremacist. he has to get his ingredients from these very specific farms and markets or else his great grandmother will begin manifesting in their house to curse them

Who does the grocery shopping? - doc, bc he does NOT trust lion to not just sweep all of the microwave ramen and kraft mac n cheese into the cart then sprint to self-checkout

How often do they bake desserts? - whenever possible. doc and maestro live by the philosophy “don’t do anything halfway” if they’re going to go through the trouble of making a meal, it will have multiple courses.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - doc is more of a salad eater but only for ease of consumption with halal laws. he adores filet mignon

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - lion! maestro enlists himself as assistant head chef after walking into the base’s kitchen one day to find lion covered in flour and lying facedown on the floor, crying

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - also lion! though he’s memorized doc’s order at all of their favorite restaurants, so he usually just gets take out and puts on a big show of being a “tired housewife who works in the kitchen all day just for this one meal” and setting up the table so it’s all nice and romantic

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - lion. he tried crème brûlée once. never again

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - lion. organization is everything to this man. doc helps with laundry and such, but for the most part he leaves organization to lion and his systems (think leslie knope levels of planning and organization)

Who is really against chores? - neither! they both understand that teamwork makes the dream work, baby!!

Who cleans up after the pets? - doc, since lion’s already asked him which color hanger should represent “clothes i can tear off my husband before we fuck” and he needs a Moment

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - neither. they don’t own a broom

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - lion because of the deep-seated catholic urge to appear perfect in front of others, and doc because people will gossip, olivier!

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - lion. he immediately called doc into the room and asked “is this your stash of drug money?” doc, who had been asleep because it was 3 in the morning on a saturday, just stares at him

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - it is so bold to assume they don’t shower together to “cut costs”

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - lion is known in their neighborhood as the man who walks cats. there is a facebook page where people post pictures of him walking his cats. vigil is an admin

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - LITERALLY EVERY HOLIDAY GETS DECORATIONS. lion makes his own for the muslim holidays since there really aren’t many “of good quality” in stores. when they first started dating, doc came home to find his house covered in ramadan decorations, and lion standing precariously on a ladder, trying to string up fairy lights while learning how to pronounce important arabic words. needless to say, doc cries

What are their goals for the relationship? - mutual joy and contentment!!!!

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - doc. he’s sleepy

Who plays the most pranks? - lion, but they’re stupid ones like replacing certain pictures with danny devito. doc gets back at him by replacing pictures of jesus with ewan mcgregor, and putting yoda into his nativity scene. lion doesn’t notice

#ask #anonymous #r6s doc #r6s lion #doc/lion #ass alert!#could you tell i forgot whether or not lion's ex and son had names #thank you for interacting!

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writethroughyoursoul · 3 years ago

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LOVE IS BLIND: A SELFISH LOVE

One chilly and cold night, a sound of a child crying out loud could be heard. She was desperate to run through the playground to hide, someone calling her "Ella, please hear us out first. Don't do this, my daughter." While crossing the road, she was hit by a taxi driver and then... "Please, Doctor, do everything you can to save my daughter. I don't know what to do, help me Oh God!" A serious situation happening at the emergency room, the child was in severe condition, the doctor was trying to save her. After how many minutes, she was saved, and her parents were restless while talking to the investigator to investigate the case of her child. "Have you seen the plate number of the taxi, Ma'am?" the investigator said. "No, things happened fast but I think the driver was under the influence of alcohol, his car was wiggling and luring to left and right," said her mother. "We'll do everything to resolve the case, thank you for your cooperation." The investigators leave the hospital. Unfortunate things happen the day that the child knew her parents decided to divorce. The doctor approach them and said: "Ma'am, we did our best but the impact that was done was severe and it damages the veins in her eyes. Sorry to say, but she wouldn't be able to see again, she's now blind." Her mother was left in awe. She resented herself for what happened to her daughter. Time passes, 11 years after the accident. Ella and her mother were back at the hospital, they've been visiting once a month for a check-up and getting information about the eye donor who wants to donate eyes for Ella. "Ma'am the donor kept on changing decisions; I will let you know once it's final. So far Ella was in a good condition and ready for an eye transplant." He gladly tells Ella and her mother. "Thank you for your kindness, doctor." Leaving the hospital, Ella held her mother's hand, upon the shining ray of sunlight her smile can be seen. She was happy upon hearing that any time soon, she would be able to see the world, again. "Mom, are you bothered? You don't have to worry about me, it's alright I can still wait even after another 11 years. I will." They both headed home. One afternoon, Judith, her mother prepared lunch for her children and to comfort Ella. She asked her older son, Cher to look after her dish as she was going to check if Ella's awake. Judith was excitedly hopping her way upstairs to check Ella who was listening to jazz music. She knocked on her door and slightly opened it. “I’m coming in, Ella” She saw her lovely daughter and as the wind blew the curtain through the window of her room. Ella’s hair flips, and her beauty shows right through her pure soul. Judith reminds of her when she was a teenager like Ella, it made her emotional upon seeing Ella suffering from their mistakes. Ella was into jazz music, listening to it once she woke up in the morning. It helped her clear her thoughts and put peace through her mind and soul. "Oh, my lovely daughter! You have a heart for jazz music, just like your father. Prepare quickly for lunch, I have something to tell you." Judith was excited too. "Yes, mom. I'll be there as fast as I can." They both giggled. Abundant food serves in a rectangular shape table good for the whole family. All delighted to smell the aroma of freshly baked macaroni pasta, Ella's favorite dish. "Sister, come here I'll guide you to your seat," said Cher who was excited to taste every dish served. She replied: "Hmm... I can sense your excitement over the food, Cher thank you so much." They are all together, laughing and chatting, catching up with each other. And then Judith suddenly remembers something she wants to tell them, especially Ella. "Alright guys, can I interrupt for a minute? I have something to say to your sister, Ella finally... She now has a donor. The doctor confirmed it to me. "Oh really, Mom! I am happy for you sister." Ella was happy upon hearing the good news but can’t deny that she was worried. "Mom what if he changes his mind, what if..." "It's alright, I thought you said you can still wait until another 11 years?"

she jokingly said. "We have to strengthen our faith from now on. I believe, this time." Ella replied to her: "Just to make sure I want to meet my donor mom." "I want to thank him and know what makes him decide to donate his eyes." Judith was wondering whether she would let her daughter meet her donor. It would be hard for her if he changes his mind after they meet. She does not want Ella to lose hope. Phone ringing, a man was disturbed by its sound, tossing, and turning around his bed while a ray of sunlight touches the skin that awakens him. He reached for his phone. "Hello, this is Roel. Who's this? He answered the phone with a raspy voice. " Ahm... Sorry for disturbing you, I am the Doctor from St. Teresa's eye hospital. I just wanted to inform you that we already contacted the mother of the donee. Do you want to meet them in person?" Roel jumps out of his bed as he nervously replies to the Doctor. He stuttered and put down his phone. Roel doesn't know what to do, he restlessly walks back and forth in his room. He seems worried and scared about his decision. Back in time, Roel found out the truth. His father went to his school to take him home after school hours. "Oh, son here!" "Sorry for waiting, I just did something." Roel smells the alcohol stinks from his father. He knew that he drinks before coming to his school. He questioned his father. "Dad are you drunk; I can smell alcohol in you." He was a little irritated. "I just sip a little, I wasn't drunk. I would've come here and got you a ride if I was drunk," said his father. Roel continues to question him, "Dad how true that you killed someone by accident before because of your irresponsible drinking while driving?" His father was surprised to hear that from him. "Aren't you going to take responsibility for what happened? How long will you hide and face the consequences?" "I never thought that way, I didn't run away from the accident. I was scared to be away from your mother. You know she was sick and up for eye surgery when that unfortunate thing happened. I don't know what to do, I can't help it." There was a fast car approaching, Roel and his father got into an accident which caused his father’s death. It was another painful memory for him. Roel decided to meet his donee's family. He's nervous to death thinking that he will meet the family of the victim of his Father's reckless driving. He sends a text message containing: "I'm on my way, Mrs. Judith. I'm sorry it would take some time." Mrs. Judith was busy early this morning preparing everything for their visitor. She's grinning and felt excited while humming as someone knocked on the door. They warmly welcome him to their house, opening the door he sees the ever lovely, Ella who was then patiently waiting for him. Roel can't imagine that Ella would be this pretty. He suddenly felt guilt and sadness seeing her suffer what his father did. Time slowed down; he was stunned by her beauty as if she fell in love. "No, stop it Roel. Think about what your father did to her." He quietly talks to himself. Their lunch was full of conversation. They get to know each other well. Roel decided to not say anything about his father and the accident. Roel visited Ella’s house to catch up with one another. He always assists Ella whenever she needs him. Their days and nights repeat. As another year unfolds right into their eyes. Slowly, step by step they develop feelings for one another. As the calendar flashes in a blink of an eye, years and years have passed. In present years in 2021, Roel confessed his feelings toward Ella. They’ve known each other for a very long time. Somehow, they’ve forgotten about her eye surgery but Roel promised him that he would give her his eyes. It just turns out for good that she had fallen in love. How great it would be to have each other’s company. Ella felt the assurance of having Roel by her side. But it can't be denied how worried she was if the time has come that Roel would be leaving and have his eyes, one that only remains a gift from the one he loved. No one can’t break true love. Roel and

Ella told Judith about it, and she gave them her blessings. She wasn't against their love, after all, Roel was a good man but he reminded him of his promise to Ella and her as well. “Promise is a promise, Mom. I love Ella as much as you love her, I won't let you down. Think of it as another gift I could give to her. This was the only thing I could do to pay for...” He slips his tongue and forgets that he hasn't told everything yet, the truth about him and his father’s mistake many years ago. They happily ended their conversation with a warm hug. 5 years passed. They have created a lovely family consisting of 2 children, a daughter, and a son. Despite Ella's condition, she is patiently and willing to wait for more years. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Roel and her children. They've been living peacefully for 5 years and things went a change. While rummaging through her husband's stuff, a recorder fell on the ground. Not knowing what it's, she reached for it and the recorder played. She heard a voice, recorded by her husband, Roel. The message contains: “Ella, by the time you are listening to this. I am sorry and to your family as well. I am too selfish; it is all my fault. I should've not let myself fall in love with you. My father wants to surrender himself by the time the accident happened. He just wanted to be on the day my mother's eye surgery was held. Now that they are both gone, I just wanted to pay for his sins. I indeed loved you, but I didn't know that this would be very hard. Please forgive, even though I didn't deserve your forgiveness for everything that I've done.” Ella was surprised, she was left in awe and disbelief. She threw the voice recorder and began to cry out loud. "No, this can't be true." It seems like the world has stopped and another bad news comes from his brother calling from the hospital. "Ella, your husband was in the hospital. He was involved in an accident going to Mom's home." said his brother who was panicking now. She was going to the hospital but suddenly told the driver to change direction. While going away from the heartbreak, she called her mother. "Mom, do you know... that Roel's father was the one responsible for the accident that happened to me?" she said it while containing herself from what happened. "I just heard that he wanted to meet me before his accident happened and I guess he planned to tell me about that matter." said her Mother. "This can't be true. I can't believe this was happening to me." She began to cry. "Ella, as much as I wanted to give justice for what happened. Roel is gone, and the Doctor is asking me if you would still want to be Roel's eye donee." Judith sounds worried. She knew this would be hard for her daughter. “Where are you? Let’s talk about this in person. You can’t do this alone.” “He made a promise, Mom. I thought he loved me, but it seems like he didn't care about my feelings at all. He loves himself more than me.” Ella felt betrayed, they were both blinded by love. Six months after the misery and traumatic situation, Ella’s children were in Judith’s care. She’s taking the kids for a shower when she receives a call. It was from her daughter, Ella who had been away for a long time. “Mom, it’s me Ella. I’m coming home, I have a surprise for all of you. I’m sorry for leaving, I’m good and ready to face everything now.” She said while her voice was shaking, she teared up a bit. “I’m glad you’re coming back. I’ve already prepared everything for your OB Foundation that you said.” Judith was delighted to hear her daughter happy, again. In the airport, a place where either you would be separated and or reunited from your loved ones. The sound of airplanes landing through the runway, which excites the kids who are waiting for their mother to arrive. Kids hopping and giggling with each other, no words can't express how they’re longing for their Mother’s embrace. “Children, Mom’s here!” Ella shouted with joy. “How nice to see your faces. Mommy can see now.” Ella’s voice cracked. “Ella, I cannot believe this! Can you really see us now?”

You’re now seeing the world. Judith was obviously surprised. On the way home, Ella tells Judith exactly what happened after she left the country. “Before I leave after the incident, I’ve been waiting for OB Foundation’s confirmation about my eye surgery. I left the country not just to move on to life, but the surgery was supposed to be done in the United States of America. After the recovery they want me to be part of the foundation and to serve as a living proof. I did, and I always wanted to give back to people and to the world. Even before, although I can’t see the world, I knew how painful it is to see the world and its people suffering. With the help of the foundation, I started a new whole life, again.” Ella reminisces about her hardships it was painful, indeed. After a couple of days, Ella’s family decided to go to the church and to visit her husband's tomb. Hand in hand walking the streets with her children grin ear to ear. She tightly holds their hands as she feels guilty and sorry for what happened and that at an early age they’re separated from their deceased father. Ella parted ways with her husband, leaving with a heartfelt message that she always wanted to tell. “We’re too selfish Roel, we were both blinded by love that leads our lives into miserable ones. I know how much you loved me, and you know how much I loved you. I’m sorry, it took a lot of time for me to accept all of this. I refused to have your eyes and I've already decided even before things happened; it is the only way I could think to repay your love to me. Until we see each other again, Roel.” I hope that the story was able to touch your heart.

-ASTER

#lifestyle #choices #opportunity #real love #reality

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xylinara · 4 years ago

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(Same anon of the last ask here) I've already finished reading the whole thing, and I swear I've never had a story make me cry, laugh, smile and gush so much. Duff and Slash's path to finally be together again is being so beautiful in a way, despite the moments that literally shattered my heart to a million pieces. I'm glad my last message made you happy angel, I wish you everything good in life, because you deserve it 💛

There were two more parts to this, so I’ll pop ‘em here:

“Also, I'm still the same anon that sent the last two messages about liking your work, and have two more things to say. One, is that I'm also head over heels in love with Dude in a dress. It's so playful and hot and relaxed and a thrill all at once and I just can't get enough of it. Slash's journey of turning into Ruby is absolutely amazing. (Gonna send the rest in another ask cus the whole thing doesn't fit in just one)

(part 2 of the last ask I sent) Two, your work has inspired me to put even more effort into my own fics and to do my very best, because the way you portrayed their feelings and emotions was just so beautiful and ground-breaking. The one chapter in The Fuck Journal where you mention Slash wearing lipstick and then trying to go down on Duff (only to puke later) has also inspired to give my own shot at a Sluff fic with an idea that's been on my mind for quite some time. Sending love your way” Dude, again, thank you so much, this was really, really sweet! I know it's been for-fucking-ever since you sent this and hopefully you're still around... I'm sorry! I've tried replying several times only to scrap it, but life has calmed down a bit and I can slow my brain down enough to properly get back to you. There's been a lot of hard deaths and big, difficult changes with very, very little processing time, but I'm finally here!

It means a lot (in a good way!) that TFJ took you on a roller coaster. It wasn't what I originally set out to do, but it's been a fun journey and challenge sharing the ups and downs of their lives. The reactions have been absolutely mind-blowing! I love my readers to death and feel terribly guilty that the story came to a halt, but I'll be picking it up again soon! Dude in a Dress is one and a half chapters short of being complete, and I'm already digging into stuff for the next chapter of Bound, trying to reintroduce myself to the mindset/relationship/current insanity of their situation. There's still much more to come, and goddamn how I wish there were more hours in a day!

I'm thrilled Dude in a Dress gets so much love. It was one of those that I was nervous would be hit-or-miss, but there's been so much unexpected applause for it--it's wonderful. It was a way of trying out a few different writing perspectives and a new side of Slash that didn't fit in the main series (TFJ). The upcoming chapter is nearly finished. It's been hard to find time (and energy) to write, but when I have it I'm usually able to hammer out a decent chunk. I'm actually gonna work on it after I reply :D

I'm honored that my work has inspired you! That's the coolest, craziest thing to me--thank you! I love to read new Sluff work, so be sure to send a link my way! I'm awful at punctual reading/commenting (six+ months to reply...sorry again :x) but I do try to make the rounds when I can.

Happy writing and much love to you! Thank you so much for your kind words; during the last few shitty months, I've read them more times than I can remember <3

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scottsumrners · 2 years ago

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What is the story of the "straight" guy from fifteen years ago, Nando dearest?

oh, damn. i think i've talked about him before, but... well.

okay, bit of a backstory: i (may) have a condition (which i didnt know at the time but i know now) that makes my bones... weaker. to the point where i've broken or dislocated or otherwise fucked up the same foot/leg 6 times. the second-to-last time it happened, i was 12/13 years old, i was swinging my little cousin around, and then i lost balance and.... well. i'm not sure exactly how it was possible, but i managed to break 3 toes and the ligament of my ankle. had to put the foot in a cast, but the guy who made the cast fucked it up, so i had to take it off early, and my foot was... let's call it "damaged".

for an entire whole ass year, I couldn't touch the ground with my foot. i had to shift my weight to the other side. not a fun experience.

but then i found out that a way it could be helped was through swimming, so my mom put me in swimming classes in the gym nearby. one problem with the swimming instructor was that he was a psycho who thought he was training a bunch of kids to the olympics, but it was still an improvement on the previous trainer, who was a serial groper.

so for the first two weeks i was there, doing the initial training. i've always been a shy kid, so i didn't talk to anyone, i didn't really interact much, i was always kind of in the corner.

and then He came. and because he was new, too, he sat right next to me. and because he was sociable, we sorta became... friends.

and this is the part where things kind of get... muddier, memory-wise. because i remember he being... more than a little friendly at times. like running his hands down my back (he was "admiring my tattoo"), waiting for me outside of the restroom, and looking a bit pissed when someone else walked in, asking stuff like "hey i'm alone at home, you wanna come over and hang out?" (i burned him a dvd with the first few episodes of heroes, and we talked about anime a bit. mostly death note). and there were other bits and pieces that to me, now, seem flirty, but at the same time, am i misremembering it? am i letting my judgement of the past be clouded by what i believed happened, opposite to what actually happened? i don't know. what i know is that i never took up on his offer, and 2 months later i dropped out of the class, because my foot was better, but more importantly, my mother didn't have money to pay for it

after that i didn't see him for a whole year. but then a year later i joined another, different gym, and a few weeks later, guess who was also at that gym? he came to talk to me and was all like "hey idk if you remember me" like i wasn't thinking about him constantly. i downplayed it though.

then the first few times i was there and he was there, he came to talk to me, but again - i'm incredibly shy, and he always had a friend nearby, so i never initiated anything, so one time he called me a stuck up and stopped talking to me altogether :)

i still saw him a few times over the years. when i was going to my english course, my bus would drop me off and i'd have to go down the street where he lived. one time he was coming from the store to his house and i was coming down the street and he kinda... stopped? in front of his house? like, until i passed? but i only saw him when i was almost on top of him, bc i had my head down, looking at my phone lol

the same thing happened a few years later, i was looking down on my phone at the mall, and i stopped, and when i looked up he was standing RIGHT in front of me. i also saw him a few times on the bus i took to work and he took to college. but we never really talked

the last time i saw him was kinda nuts though, because it was such a weird specific series of events for it to happen... like, I was taking ENEM (which is kind of like the SATs, but if you get a good grade, you can get straight into a college), and i went to the testing place. but - for the FIRST time in my life - i forgot my wallet with my documents, so i had to go back to the bus station, call my mom, and ask someone to go there and deliver it to me, and then rush back to the testing place. i arrived originally 20 minutes before the doors opened, and by the time i got there a second time, it was 5 minutes before it closed.

and just as i got there, he was stepping out of the car. now, usually, the testing places are completely random, but this one year they decided to do it by the first letters of the names of the participants, and both our names start with F. still, of all the gin joints in the world...

later that day he made a post on facebook about memories and old feelings and stuff, but i'm sure it had nothing to do with it.

i think that might have been the last time i saw him, actually, come to think of it... i think it's been like, four years. still, every once in a while i think about him - which is, again, pathetic and sad, but... 🤷‍♂️

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cawcawpeasants · 7 years ago

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Hello, i hope you have a good day ! I read your post for really sad scenario and, sorry in advance for your poor heart, could you do, please, a scenario with Fuegoleon who have to accepts that Nozel is dead because he disappears in a mission two months ago ? And he comes back a little times after that in the house ? And act like if all was normal ? (I actually don't know if you're going to find it sad, but me yes, maybe because i'm hyper sensitive XD )

First of all: Q.Q

Second of all: Sorry for the long wait, real life kicked my ass.

Third of all:

It isalways difficult to adapt to changes. The extremer they are, the harder it isto uphold normality.

Sometimespeople start to take up to new habits to try to do so.

As forLeon, he started to stay up late, staring out into the night, counting thestars, hoping to find something new.

Also, hemade a habit out of lighting a few lamps on the outside before he heads to bed,making it easier to land at night.

Other thenthat he sucked up every kind of information, every rumour, every lead thatwould lead him to his goal.

Finding outwhat happened two months ago.

At first,it was all he could think of, driven by immense guilt and grief. He neglectedhis works, his looks, his life.

“How can Ineglect it, if my life was taken from me?” He’d answer to all who came to scoldhis behaviour.

He was seton finding it again

Finding himagain.

NozelSilva, his partner, his significant other, who disappeared 2 months ago withoutanybody knowing where he went. It was supposed to be a dungeon conquering mission,probably taking some time, eventually dangerous. Reports came back in steady rhythmsfrom the Captain, but suddenly nothing. All contact broke off and nobody couldfind any trace of them.

The publicthinks of him as dead. Deceased in the line of work.

At firstLeon fought them publicly, he believed in his lover’s strength and abilities.He couldn’t believe that people could ever think of something like that.

Then he startedto get anxious. Weeks went by without a word. Nozel disappeared into thin air,not even Julius was able to make him out. It was like his Mana left theKingdom, and all the others, too. He was still hoping for Nozel to come back,to just land at their home and be there.

He wastired and at the same time restless, he couldn’t fall asleep without thefamiliar body next to him. He couldn’t go about his days the same without thesnarky remarks, the little tiffs and spats, the intelligent eyes, the raresmiles.

He couldn’tstand human interaction at this point. He felt judged and pitied wherever hewent, so he relieved all personnel of their service for an undetermined amountof time.

A monthwent by, and books about eagles started to collect dust. He felt like he did,too, so he started to take up his work again.

Another weekpassed, and he started to collect the Silvas left behind clothes and storedthem, so they wouldn’t be eaten by moths.

Anotherweek, he was barely there at the meeting of the captains, where they discussedwho would take over the order of the silver eagles.

Anotherweek, and a proposal from the House of Silva came in, asking him if he wouldlike to help planning the former Heads funeral. If he would like to hold theobituary.

About twomonths had went by since all contact to Nozel Silva had vanished, and Leon wasadapting to his life without him. He wasn’t happy nor that hopeful, and he couldn’tleave the letter with the proposal left unanswered much longer. But still…

He wasstill going out to the roofs, looking out for a sign that Nozel would come back,like he did in his dreams. He was still lighting the lamps, so Nozel could safelyland when he would come home.

His heartstill hurt when he tried to fall asleep without him.

The peoplearound him were trying to talk him out of these new things, they wanted him tobe normal, like he was before. He understood their concern, but he couldn’t letgo entirely.

Well, atleast so he thought.

Anotherweek went by and he caught himself slipping. He neglected the lights and staredat the proposal longer. He was intently pondering about what to do, whatdecisions to make.

He did soright now.

He sighedand leaned back. His eyes were strained from reading the letter for what musthave been the 1000th time already. He knew every word by heard, butit did not lighten the weight of its message. His own family had given theirhopes up, and they wanted to move on already.

He wasn’t surehow long thy were going to wait for him to be likeminded, but he did know thathe would never forgive himself if he wouldn’t honour his beloved by beingpresent at his funeral.

This would be so much easier, if Nozel were hereto give me advice…

He blamed thesudden burning in his eyes on the strain. He had cried enough for a lifetime inthe last two months, especially given that he wasn’t build that close to thewater.

He took adeep breath.

It’s time to decide.

Over two months no signs, no messages…

But also, no bodies found

He could be alive, but isn’t it more likelythat he’s dead?

He would have come back to us… to me.

This will never come to a conclusion, will it?So, I should be so kind and offer his family, his knights, his kingdoms andeven myself an end to this painful hoping. They deserve their peace, as doeshe.

In the morning, I willanswer the Silvas.

He hadn’t realized,he’d fallen asleep in his office chair, so he was confused at the uncommonsurroundings when he woke up.

Than heremembered why he had woken up in the first place.

Theentrance door fell into the lock.

There wheresounds coming from the ground floor, and Leons heart started beating.

There stillwas no staff, he was the only living being in the building at the moment, Mereowas out in the woods still and Leo had to be at the order. It was long pastcurfew.

Well, asidefrom the worlds most stupid robber, it seems.

Who thinks of breaking into the house of acaptain while he’s still there? Do people really think of me as so vulnerableright now? Well, I will show them what happens when you wake a lion.

He silentlyfollowed the noise and found the source currently wreaking havoc in the kitchen.At least it sounded like that.

He took hisgrimoire out and started to look for an appropriately intimidating spell, thatwould not damage his furniture too much.

He thenentered the kitchen.

He was metwith a mess, ripped open packages, open drawers, a robbed fridge.

He made outa pair of legs in ripped clothing rummaging through the cupboard where theteacups were stored, upper body and head hidden behind the opened door. The burglarjust continued looking through his stuff without a care in the world.

Leon felt nerveson his forehead twitch in irritation.

‘You haveten seconds to explain your presence here. And also, what exactly are you doinghere right now?’ He all but yelled at the busy bee trying to fid somethingworthy to steal.

Themovements halted, then a head looked out behind the door.

It wasfamiliar, even though it lacked the usual hairstyle.

‘Well, asfar as I can remember, I live here, but that doesn’t seem to account foranything, because I also remember employing servants, but apparently none ofthem are here right now. Due to that I am making myself a sandwich and some tea,but I cannot find my favourite cup it seems. You wouldn’t remember seeing itanywhere, no?’

Leon juststared at him in shock.

Nozel wasthere, while he was supposed to be dead

And he’s looking for a teacup?!

Unable toreact appropriately to all the annoyance and confusion and happiness inside of him, he took a seat at the ruined kitchentable.

‘Leon, haveyou seen my cup now? Leon?’

He can’t be real. This is just my brain messingwith me because I can’t handle the fact that he’s dead.

He felt awarm hand on his shoulder. He looked up and was met with the concerned face ofhis dead Love. He grew a stubble.

‘Dear, areyou okay? You look awfully pale. Do you want me to call a doctor?’

This is my mind telling me I’m needing help,isn’t it?

He smiledat the familiar features and wanted to run a hand over them, wanting them to bereal, but he was afraid he would wake up from his sweet nightmare.

‘I havegone mad, I am afraid. Are you my consciousness?’

Nozel furrowedhis brows.

‘A doctorit is then. I shall go fetch one first thing in the morning, but right now youshould go to bed. Maybe you can sleep it off, whatever it is.’

‘You can’tsleep when you are already dreaming. You should know that, we share a brain.’

TheNozel-who-couldn’t-be-Nozel took a step back.

‘Or I’ll goget a doctor right now. But nice to know that I am an object of your dreams. ’

Nozel grabbedone of the things he called sandwiches and started to eat. Leon couldn’t believethis normal, well nearly normal, sight.

‘Of course,I have dreamed of you. For two months now, maybe more. Even before that, if I amhonest, but those were dreams of a different nature. The last dreams were allabout you being exactly like you are right now. Home, Alright, Uninjured andjust…not dead…I-‘

Leon’svoice broke and he felt tears well up. This was just cruel.

Nozel stoppedeating his monstrosity and looked up in confusion.

‘What do youmean I am dead?’

Fuegoleonlooked back at him, equally confused. Nozel went over to him, now slightlyirritated.

‘I asked,what do you mean, when you say that I am dead.’

‘Well, thatyou are dead. You disappeared two months ago while being on that Dungeonmission, and nobody could find any remains of you, nor a sign that you werealive. You were declared weeks ago. I- I was asked to hold a speech at your funeral.And now I am imagining you being here to deal with the fact that you are longgone.’

Nozelsshock and disbelief at his current official status was plain to see on hisface, but he also was hurt, seeing his partner at such a loss.

He softlycupped the Vermillions face.

‘So if I amdead-‘ he said while inching his face closer to Leons ‘-how come I can do this?’

And then hekissed him, showing him how much he missed him and just how very, very real hewas.

When he drewback to catch his breath he looked at Leons face. The latter hadn’t opened hiseyes yet, but Nozel could make out the tears caught in the eyelashes, and hehad the urge to kiss them away.

So he did.

The administrationson his face filled Leon with a warmth he thought he had lost forever.

‘What- Whathappened? Why did you take so long?’ He asked quietly.

Nozel, whohad halfway crawled into his lap already, still caressed his face while he toldLeon about his mission.

‘Well, itwas a normal Dungeon. It took me about two weeks to reach it, and a bit less toget back here, it was very well hidden in one of the grand magic zones. I justwanted to step into the entrance hall to get a feel for the place, but apparently,I fell victim to a spell cast on it. I stepped in in broad daylight, felt themana of the place and went out again, only to find that it was already night-time.Then I decided that this was either a time manipulating or mind-altering magic,so I headed back here to talk over my findings with the emperor. This sort of spellis way too dangerous to deal with alone. But, as I promised you, I wanted tocome home first, eat something, check up on you, all that. And here you are,thinking I am dead and telling me the one day I thought I lost-‘

‘Wasactually nearly two months.’ Finished Leon the sentence.

Nozel feltLeon’s arms sneak around his middle, pressing him close in a make-shift hug. Helooked at the head pressed against his stomach and smiled. That must have beenquite a hellish experience for his man. He didn’t want to think of what he hadbeen going through, thinking he was dead and all.

Reminds me…

‘Hey Leon, howdid everybody react to my death? I am kind of curious.’

He got noanswer.

‘Leon?’

A trademarksnore erupted from the sleeping man, who still had him in his clutches. Nozeltried to loosen the Grip, but it had the opposite effect. So, he settled to takinga more comfortable seat and wait for him to wake up. He kissed the top of theother’s head.

He must have been very tired.

Better to let him sleep.

Then heyawned.

I should, too.

#Caw caw #Black clovers power couple and me IN TEARS #WHY DO YOU PEOPLE DO THIS TO ME #I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REQUEST #BUT AAAH #I hope you like it anon

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whyinever-blog-blog · 4 years ago

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Monday, WEEK 16, July 13, COVID-19 ramping up in most states, Phase 2 Reopening delayed until July 17, Living in MASK MAYHEM

We have a few orders to ship today. We don’t have to water this morning since we had a big storm overnight. It’d be great if it rained every night honestly!

I have my month later checkup with Orthopedic doc. Things are fine, but particular movements slower to recover. So he recommends I get a contraption that will help hold difficult positions (that frickin hurt) because the “time holding” that position is what makes the wrist loosen up. I also have PT today. She helps me simulate things I would do at work next month and it’s REALLY helpful. Like really helpful. I think I can do my work, with modified use of my wrist. And hoping the wrist improves in the next couple of weeks too.

I ordered a box full of used books from EBay for us to read. A grab bag. 20 books for $20. It was a box of “thriller/mystery” genre books. I will pass them on after we read them!

My friend Carla posted this and I’m sharing. No one knows who wrote it so far but it’s hilarious!

😂 Dear Diary 2020 Edition,

In ❄️ January, 🔥 Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran 🇮🇷 . We might actually still be almost at war with them 🤔. I don’t know, because 👩 Jen Aniston and 👨🏻 Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards 🏆 show and everyone flipped the crap out 😲, but then there was this thing happening in 🦇 🇨🇳 China, then 👑 Prince Harry and Megan ✌🏼 peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial 👩‍⚖️ , and then corona virus 🦠 showed up in the US ✔️“officially,” but then 🏀 Kobe died 😭and UK 🇬🇧 peaced out of the European Union.

In February, 🌽 Iowa crapped 💩 itself with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the 👩🏼‍💼Speaker of the House took ten. Whole. years. to rip up a speech , but then The👨‍🔬 🌎WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused 🤔some really important people 👔 in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty👨🏻‍⚖️, and 🇺🇸 Americans started asking if Corona beer 🍺 was safe to drink🤦🏻‍♀️, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor 👨‍⚕️ who just knew the 🤒flu like killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.

In March, stuff hit the fan👿. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust 💥, but then Italy 🇮🇹 shut its whole country down 🚷, and then COVID Not 1 through 18 officially become what everyone already realized, a 😱pandemic and then a nationwide state of emergency 🆘was declared in US 🇺🇸 , but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it was still just a flu 💁🏻‍♀️, but then COVID Not 18 was like ya’ll not taking me seriously? 💡 I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks👨🏻, get y’all to close all of the schools so y’all can 🙏🏼 appreciate teachers 👩‍🏫 for once (because you can’t teach them anything other than how to use a touch screen🤦🏻‍♀️ ) close down all of salons so you can’t get your 💇‍♂️ hair or your nails done💅 , everyone had to work from home and attend Zoom meetings in their underwear. The 📉 DOW took a crap 💩 on itself, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing 🤔 (I still don’t), We were then all introduced to 🐅 Tiger King and the ONE thing we can all agree on this year , 👍🏼Carol totally killed her husband⚰️ ..... whacked him! And then Netflix was like you’re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross and were all searching for lotion now. Oh and during all this there was an earthquake with multiple after shocks.

In 🌧 April, Bernie finally busted✌🏼 himself out of the presidential race 🏃 , but then NYC 🗽became the set of The Walking Dead 💀 and we learned that no one has face masks 😷, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING SWIFFER WET JET LIQUID , and by now our ��outgrowth is showing, so there’s a shortage on 📦 box hair dye and all of our hair dressers are like , 😱 NO DONT DO IT!!! But, then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life … or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released 🎥 videos of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like man, it’s only April….

In 💐 May, the biblical end times kicked off , historical locust swarms, we learned of murder hornets 🐝 and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games🙈 however people forgot to let us know. people legit started to protest lockdown measures with 🔫 AR-15s, 🏀⚾️sports events were cancelled everywhere. But then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were 🗣protests in every city🌃 ,which was confusing to some of us because people were definitely gathering in 👫crowds of more than 🖐🏼🤚🏼10 and for sure closer than 6 foot away ⬅️➡️from each other . Those people must have forgotten about the 😖pandemic called COVID Not One Through 18. Media 📺 🗞 struggled with how to 🤬focus on two important things at once, people in general struggle to focus on more than one important thing. A dead whale 🐋 was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest 🌳 after monkeys 🐒 stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab 🔬 and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) that a giant asteroid ☄️ narrowly missed the Earth🌍.

In ☀️ June, science and common sense just got thrown 🤾🏼 straight out the window and somehow 😷 wearing masks became a 🏛political thing, but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a ✝️God given right (still haven't found that part in the bible or even in the constitution). then 👨‍🔬scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like 🙅🏽‍♂️🙅🏻‍♀️🚧DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind 💨 was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange 🛰radio signal coming from somewhere in the universe 🌌 that repeats itself every so many days 🗓 , and everyone was like 👽 DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH IT‼️🚫 but then America reopened 🙌🏼from the shut down that actually wasn’t even a shut down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly .... not that great 👎🏼. All of the Karen’s came out at once, and people started tearing down 🔨 statues. Everyone is on Facebook arguing 🤼‍♀️ that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works 👃🏼, but then Florida 🏖 was like hold my beer 🍺 and let me show you how we’re number one 🥇 in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Coronavirus. Trump 👱🏻‍♂️decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court 🏛 to shut down ❌Obama Care because what better time to do so than in the middle of a pandemic 💁🏻‍♀️ , but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud ☁️ coming straight at us 📍from the Sahara Desert 🐫 , which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the 👻 ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud. We then 📚 learned of meth-gators 🐊 , and I'm like that is so not on my flipping 2020 Bingo card 😡 can we use it as the free space?? 🤷🏻 Then we learned that the Congo's worst ever Ebola 🚨 outbreak is over 😓, and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that was the worse ever? 👀 ....... and don’t forget we just discovered FLYING SNAKES! 🐍, seriously! FLYING SNAKES!!!

——————————————-

I get home late from PT, so we have happy hour outside. We’ve figured out why we had soooo many mosquitos this past week. When they say go check your yard for water holes, standing water, etc. you have to look further than those regular things you see everyday. We discovered I had a big vase full of water on the front porch with cut shrubbery in it, which we loved and have had there since winter actually. Well guess what...a breeding ground. We dumped it. Then we discovered our driveway, where we keep the extra garden soil was totally saturated and a pool was sitting in the dirt. We dumped it. Wow what a difference. 2 days with no swarms and bites. Whew. We were about to get the sprayers out here thinking...this is the worst. We have to do something. We don’t want to do that because of expense and it kills all the good bugs and bees.

Dinner: leftover pasta casserole

Watch: Yellowstone s3 ep3

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duketheman · 5 years ago

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Generation 4 Part 4

Skipping ahead seven months

Sunday November 24, 2019

"John Ross comes home for the Holidays"

It's 4:30am & I'm finishing up my cup of coffee & Mary is asleep as she's getting close to the Delivery date & I want her to rest. I'm sure she'll be up before I get back from the Airport with JR! His flight is scheduled to arrive at 6:00am & I'm being cautious as to have plenty of time to park & meet him at the gate! We don't miss Church, so we'll attend evening service tonight! It's 4:45am & I'm on my way to Miami International to pick up JR. Mary is so excited & as for Kellyanne, I've asked George to bring her to the house later! JR wanted to surprise her, so we didn't mention him coming home yet! It's 5:30am & I've arrived at the airport. I park in the Garage & walk across to the terminal to the arrival gate! I go to the coffee shop & purchase a Cinnamon Bun & a cup of coffee, sit down & wait for the flight to land! Ahh, his flight is landing! It 6:15am & late. But no matter, it's here, safe & that's what counts! The airport is just starting to get crowded Thanksgiving holiday & all! It's 6:40am & JR is just getting through Security! I tell: ~JR!!!!~ He sees me & walks towards in my direction. First words out of his mouth: ~Dad, how Kellyanne, God I miss her! Oh you to Dad, how have you & mom been, Is she showing big now?~ I reply: ~We've been fine & yeaaa! She showing real big son! Did Kellyanne tell you she's got a baby sister coming around the same time as you new baby

brother?~ He replies: ~Yea, that's something, isn't Dad! Weird but I like it. They can be best friends! Let's go home Dad, I really want to to see Mom. I miss her so much! Sometimes when I was down & stuck on something I thought I couldn't do; Mom encouraged me & told me I can do anything if I put my mind to it! Just like when I was a kid! She called me allot Dad!~ I reply: ~She's that way son. Always has been. She loves you more than anything! Let's go, she's probably awake & cooking us breakfast as we speak!~ We pick his bags out from the Baggage Carousel, left the terminal & walked across to the garage where my Beamer was parked! It's 7:55am & we're headed for home! We're pulling into our Driveway & it's 9:00am. JR darts for the house! He really missed his Mother! I get the bags & carry them into the house! I open the door & the two of them are hugging each other like it's been years! My wife is crying she's so happy to see her little man! I walk by them with the bags & carry them upstairs to JR's room! I smell food & I welcome it, I'm starving! She's got Bacon, sausage, Biscuits, white gravy, eggs & grape jelly on the table. Grape is JR's favorite! We have Orange juice, milk, coffee & apple juice for Mary. My wife says: ~You boys dig in now, while it's hot!~ Nobody has to tell me twice, I'm hungry! I'm finished eating, & I get up, pick up the table & clean everything up. That gives time for Mary to catch up with JR! Afterall, at 12:30pm, Kellyanne will be here & they're going to be spending an awful lot of time together! I'm done with the dishes, those two are still at it, so I go into the library & read up on seaman regulations! They're constantly changing! Wow, two hours & my eyes are killing me, I need a break! Doorbell is ringing, it 12:25pm. It's George, Lucy & Kellyanne! I invite them in & before I can say anything, Kellyanne sees JR. She yells out in Joy: ~John Ross! 'O John Ross, I didn't even know you were going to be here! When did you get in?~ He replies: ~I wanted to surprise you! I got in early this morning! I've missed you so much Kellyanne!~ She replies:

~John Ross, I've missed you terribly! I'm so happy you're home! How long are are you home for John Ross?~ He replies: ~ I have to leave on January 2, 2020. I'm here until after the Holidays!~ The go into the other room so they can talk! Man, I can't tell who's belly is bigger! Oh well, next month the new ones will be filling everybody's hearts with joy!

Skipping ahead to November 27

It's 7:00am & Mary, myself, JR, George, Lucy & Kellyanne are getting ready to board a flight to Valdosta Regional Airport Headed to spend the Holidays with my parents! Mary's Parents & Julia's Mother will also be joining us at the Mansion! We've checked our luggage & it's 7:30am. Our flight leaves at 8:00am & we're going through Security now! It's 7:55am & we're boarding the plane! The trip is expected to be smooth & take approximately 4 hours with 1 stop. We should be landing at about 12:00pm! I will be happy to see my parents & JR certainly will enjoy seeing all of his Grandparents in one place. This will probably be the last time he'll see his Grandma Rachael! She's been in poor health lately. I'm glad she'll have time with JR! It's 12:05pm & we're landing. We disembark the plane & run through Security. It's 12:45pm & we're heading towards the Baggage Carousel! The ladies are seated so not to put strain on them. They are just about a week from due date! My Father has sent a Limousine service to pick us up because of the amount of people! I spot the Chofer holding a sign with our name on it! I signal him to come & give us a hand! We get a Baggage cart & load the luggage onto it & head for the door. The Car is parked at the loading zone. We help the ladies in the we get in. The Chofer loads the luggage in the trunk! We're on our way to Madison County, just across the State line. About 30-35 minutes from here to the Mansion! It's 1:30am & we're pulling onto the Grounds of Newport Mansion! George says: ~Dang Harry, dis place be beautiful! I ain't neva seen a place be like dis!~ I reply: ~It's just a place to live George! Too big for me!~ My Parents are both outside waiting for us as we pull up! My Mother is quite famous for her Sweet tea & Lemonade! My Grandma Nippy's recipe! She welcome everyone. She kisses me on the cheek & my wife & says:

~We've missed you!~ She shakes the hands of George & Lucy & says: ~You're most welcome here, consider yourselves part of the family. My name is Candace, you may call me Candy!~ She looks at Kellyanne & says: ~Now, who do we have here child? Such a Beautiful young Lady!~ She replies: ~My name is Kellyanne Mam, Pleased to meet you! Mother replies: ~ So polite! Well then Kellyanne, you can call me Grandma if you wish. ~Now everyone, this is Charles, my husband Harry's Father!~ She turns to JR & says: ~Now John Ross, come here my boy & let you Grandma give you some love!~ He walks over to Mother & holds out his arms & my Mother gives her Grandson a hug to remember! She says: 'O John Ross, I've missed you so much! I'm so proud of you & I'm so glad you could make it & spend the Holidays with us!

Rachael, will be flying in tonight, Will & Laura are driving & should be here soon! Our family keeps growing! Now for you two expecting Mothers, arrangements have been made with Madison County Memorial Hospital! I have a Dr Jameson on call in case of an emergency! I believe your Doctor is Kleinpeter? Dr Jameson says that he knows him!

Dr Jameson has with your permission agreed to take over while you're here? Both Mary & Lucy simultaneously say: ~Of course, & thanks Mom, Mary adds!~ Mother calls for Huntington: ~Huntington, please show our guest to their rooms!~ He replies: ~Yes Mam, (looks at us) right this way please?~ George asks: ~Harry, a Butler, well day beat all! Dis place be Beautiful Harry!~ Mother says loudly: ~We've had a late lunch prepared for you, if you're hungry!~ I reply: ~Yes, thank you Mother, I'm quite

hungry!~ George adds: ~Me too, me belly be achin, really achin! Me be thirsty too! Harry, Rich people drink beer?~ I reply: Yes George, my Father was born in Texas. He enjoys a cold Bud once in a while! But he quite likes his Brandy!~ He replies: ~Me too!~ I leave my wife upstairs to change & come down to say a real hello to my Father: ~Hello Father, I've missed you!~ He turns to me & says: ~Son, I've missed you too! I'm so happy you came to spend the Holidays with us!~ He hugs me & says: ~ I love you Son!~ I've always been close to my Father! He's a Good man & has always done his very best for his family! I ask: ~Father, will my Sister & Brothers be joining us?~ He replies: ~Jaime had to make a choice! She's spending Thanksgiving with Bill's parents! They'll be joining us for Christmas! You're Brothers have to work through Thanksgiving because of some bureaucratic meddling! They'll be joining us this weekend!~ Everyone is coming downstairs, let's go into the Drawing room, Huntington will be serving a late lunch! Just some horderves & little stuff like that to hold you over until dinner.~ We all enter the Drawing room & Father asks: ~Drinks anyone?~ George is ready: ~Bud please?~ Father replies:

~Of course George, Would you be a Seaman by any chance my good man?~ aye, Me would Sir!~ Both our wives reply: ~Sprite if you don't mind?~ The kids have already got Coke! I request: ~Scotch on the Rocks~ In comes Huntington: ~Horderves!~ He's serving us one by one! Shrimp, Caviar, Olives, Rolled Ham, & other various treats! Kids ask him if he'd just make the a couple sandwiches & he happily agreed! We sat, enjoyed each other's company toasted the expecting Mother's & my Parents as well as Mary's & of course Rachael! It's nice being around family & friends. I'm really glad we made this trip!

4:00pm & Mary's parents just arrived from Raleigh, NC. They've got to be tired, that's at least a 11 hour trip; allowing stopping to rest & eat! Straight through, mmmmh, I'd say 8 1/2 hours! Either way, it's hard on them at their age! Mary & Mother & myself meet them at the car, & I get their luggage out of the trunk! Laura looks at her daughter & begins to cry out of happiness! She places her hand on Mary's belly, giggles & says: ~I can feel the little guy kicking in their!~ Mother walks up to Laura & says:

~Welcome my Dear Friend, we're so glad you could join us for the Holidays!~ She replies: 'O Candice, we appreciate you guys so much. I wouldn't miss it for the world, & besides; my Baby is having a Baby! Now where is John Ross?~ I reply: ~He's somewhere around here with Kellyanne!~ She replies: ~Kellyanne? Our Little man is not so little anymore, is he?~I reply: ~No Laura, he's in love!~ She remarks: ~Well, that sounds serious!~ I say: ~Yes, it is!~ Mary hugs her Father & kisses his cheek, hugs him again & says: ~'O Daddy, I've missed you so much! How have you & Mom been doing? Have you stayed well?~ He replies:~Yes my Dear, We've been well! I get quite bored with myself since I retired from the University, but it's worth it to spend more time with your Mother! We've missed you too!~ Candace he says: ~Where's Charles?~ She replies: ~Charles has gone to the Airport! Rachael's flight is scheduled to arrive at 5:00pm from Dallas! They'll be pulling in before you know it! Let's go inside?~ We all go into the Mansion & Mother calls for Huntington: ~Huntington, please show my Dear friends to their room?~ He replies: ~Yes mam~ She adds: ~Will, Laura, We'll let you freshen up! We can talk after!~ Huntington grabs their bags & shows them to their room! It's 6:00pm & Father's arrived with Rachael! Mother & I meet them at the car. I open the rear passenger door & help Rachael out. I hug her & say: ~Mom, I'm so glad you could make it! The Holidays wouldn't be the same without you!~ She replies: ~I almost didn't come Harry, I was hurting, but I want to see you & my Grandson one more time before I join my Baby & Jimmy in Heaven! Where is that boy?~ I reply: ~I'll find him for you Mom! He's around here somewhere, he doesn't know you're here yet!~ Mother asks: ~How was your trip Rachael? How are you feeling?~ She replies: ~The trip was fine Candy, I'm just a little tired! How are you doing?~ Mother replies: ~I'm doing pretty good for an old Lady! Come inside & rest, I'll have Huntington take your bags to your room!~ They go inside & I'm in search of my son! There they are, on the swing! I call out: ~JR! Your Grandma Marcantel is here! Go see her!~ He replies: ~Grammy's here, come on Kellyanne, you'll just love her!~ He takes Kellyanne by the hand & heads for the house to see his Grandmother! She has pancreatic cancer & it's spread beyond control! There's no more they can do! This is the last time he'll see her! She's all that's left of Julia besides my son! I go back to the house & go inside! Everyone is sitting in the Drawing room talking & getting to know each other! I ask George: ~How's it going Buddy, enjoying yourself?~ He replies: ~aye Harry, ya be havin a huge family ya be Harry! Me like very allot!~

It's 7:00pm & Huntington announces: ~Dinner is being served in the Dinning room!~ We all go towards the Dining & are seated! George's eyes have doubled in size! I haven't seen this table filled in years, since my Wedding! The food looks Delicious. Tomorrow is the Big one, Thanksgiving! Mother goes all out! We finish dinner & retire to the Drawing room. It's 9:00pm & my Father offers drinks. The kids are drinking soft drinks. The ladies all, except for Mother, request just water. Rebecca needs to take her meds. The remaining four of us have Brandy! We sit & visit & we are truly family! It's 10:00pm & we're all tired! Rachael calls me over & whispers to me: ~Harry, please take me to see my Julia in the morning?~ I reply: ~Of course I will Mom! First thing.... We say Goodnight & retire to our rooms respectfully! My poor Mary, her legs are swelled up, so I run her a warm bath. I wash her back for her, I love pampering my wife! I take a shower & we both get into bed. I rub her legs for her to make them feel better! We lay down & I put my arm around her, resting my hand on her belly! I can feel the baby moving around inside of her, God is Good! Goodnight all!

Thursday, November 28

Thanksgiving Morning

Julia's Grave

It's early, 6:00am, & My son & I are up drinking coffee! The others are still sleeping. I promised Rachael that I would take her over to the East side of the property to see Julia's grave! JR wanted to come along to see his Mother's grave & asked if he could come along! It's 7:00am & Rebecca has come down stairs. I ask: ~Coffee mom?~ She replies: ~No, but thank you Harry! Coffee doesn't agree with me anymore. Maybe some juice diluted with water?~I reply: ~Sure mom, Apple juice okay?~ She replies: ~That will be fine Harry, Thanks!~ She takes out this pharmacy of medication out & begins to take them a few at a time! She asks: ~Harry, can I have a piece of toast, no butter? Just to settle my stomach!~ I reply: ~Sure mom, I'll fix it for you now!~ I give a plate with toast & she nibbles on it until it's gone!

It's 8:00am & I borrowed my Father's car! We're enroute to the East side of the property where our Family Cemetery's located! It's about a twenty minute drive. It's 8:25 & we've arrived at the cemetery. I help Rachael out of the car & the three of us walk over to Julia's grave. Rachael puts her hand on the Gravestone & talks to her daughter with tears in her eyes: ~I'll be with you & your Daddy soon Baby! We all miss you so much! John Ross is here! He misses you too Julia! But he's doing fine! You'd be so proud of him, he's grown into a fine young man!~ She closed eyes and said a prayer. JR took hold of her hand & prayed with her. He said: ~I love you Mom, I've never forgotten how you use to hold me! I never will Mom, I promise!~ I too had my own private talk with Julia, I shall keep to myself! Rachael asks: ~Harry, what a beautiful Headstone! I've never quite seen one like this before!~ I reply: ~Julia always loved the Dolphins! I only thought it right to have them watch over her!~ She replies:

Thank you Harry for that! She always thought they were the true Mermaids of the Sea! She had a whole shelf full as a little girl!~ I place an array of Julia's favorite flowers on her grave! I say: ~Mom, you know we all love you. You know JR & I love you. My Parents love you! Mom, we'd like to move Dad from Shreveport & lay him to rest beside Julia with your permission! Mom, we've a spot here for you too! She's got tears in her eyes & replies: ~Harry, we have nobody in Shreveport! Yes, of course you have my permission! Harry, our Julia loved you very much! God Bless you

Harry!~ We get back in the car & ride back to the Mansion! Throughout the day we all had time to catch up. Later that evening......

Thanksgiving Dinner

6:00pm

Huntington rings a bell: Dinner is being served! May I offer my Heartfelt Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Mother announces: ~Today is Thanksgiving Huntington, & you are considered part of this family. You'll be eating with us tonight Huntington!~ He replies: ~Yes Mam, thank you mam!~ I've never seen Huntington smile before, but he's smiling now!

The twelve of us all go to the Dining room & are seated as such: Mother & Father at each end. Rachael is seated on Mother's right & Huntington on her left. Kellyann is seated next to Rachael & JR next to Huntington. Lucy is seated next to Kellyanne & her George next to JR. Mary's Mother is seated next to Lucy & he Father is seated next to George. Mary is seated on my Father's left & I on his right! My Father says Grace over the Thanksgiving Feast. Amen. The table is set in a Formal matter & with a Feast fit for Royalty, everything anyone could imagine. My Mother always does it right!

We eat drink & be Thankful for the food, love of Family & all God has provided us! God is Truly Good! God Bless us all!

We're finished with dinner & all retire to the Drawing room for Drinks & conversation! Mother decides that it's time that we put some Christmas music on! Tomorrow she will be putting up a tree! She has a 21ft Douglas Fur being trucked in from Atlanta in the morning.

We're singing Christmas Carols, we've only 27 days till Christmas! It's 11:30pm. Rachael looks tired. She needs to rest, I help her upstairs to her room! She's in pain & I ask: ~Mom, is there anything I can do?~ She replies:

~No Harry, It'll pass! I just need to rest! Thank you Harry, for everything! I reply: ~Goodnight Mom, Sleep well!~

I go back downstairs & join the rest of the Family! It's 1:00am & we decide to end the night & retire to our rooms.

Mary's Water Breaks!

We say our Goodnights & go upstairs. While in the bathroom, Mary calls me in: ~Harry, it's time,my water broke!~ I reply ~Darling, it's too early!~ I'm quite anxious by now! She has a bag ready & I proceed to take her downstairs, only stopping to knock on Mother's door to let her know & Mary's parents, who's wanting to accompany us. They'll drive since their car is here! Mother's calling Dr Jameson to meet us at Memorial!

We make Madison County Hospital & its 2:15am. Professor Covington drops us off at the Emergency entrance & I grab a wheelchair & wheel Mary in. I'm going out of my mind & Mary is cool, calm & collective. We get her admitted & Dr Jameson arrives. He examines her & says: ~How are you doing young lady?~ Mary replies: ~I'm having a Baby!~ He turns to me & asks: ~Your the Father, Are you going to be in there with her~ I reply I can be there too?~ He replies ~Yes, of course, better hurry & get ready! She's almost fully dilated, it won't be long! He tells the nurse to have me wash my hands, get me a gown & mask. He has Mary get in a gown & lay on a gurney. The wheel her I to the delivery room & I follow. They transfer her to a Delivery table. The Dr asks: ~Want an epidural?~ She replies: No Doctor, I want this to be natural!~ The nurse says: ~She's fully dilated Doctor~ He replies: ~Good, I want you to breathe!~ I'm watching this as he reaches between her legs, gently grasp this little head coming out of my wife!

Friday November 29, 2019

Time of Birth: 4:11am

Harry Jr. 7 lbs 13oz

He's crying as he comes out. I always thought they had to swat the rear end. I'm evidently wrong! He hands him to the nurse who places him on my wife's belly as he cuts the umbilical cord & cleans the fluids out of his mouth & nose! They wrap him in a blanket & hand him to me, while they clean Mary up! He's perfect & healthy & his Mother his okay too. God is Good, thank you Lord!

They're done cleaning her up, I kiss her & say:

~I love you Mrs Newport, he's perfect. ~ She replies: ~'O my Harry, I love!~ They hand her the baby & she's as proud as she can be! She crying & says: Harry: ~His name is Harold Joseph Jr.!~ She named him after me!

They tell they're taking her to the room & will let me know when I & the Grandparents can come in! I go to the visiting room & give Mary's parents the news. They are ecstatic that they have a new Grandson. It's 5:30am & I call my Mother. I spoke to JR & told him he has a new baby Brother. Everyone is excited to hear the news & are making ready to come to the Hospital. It's 8:00am, my parents, JR & Kellyanne arrive to visit Marry! The Baby is in the Nursery for now & can be viewed through a window. George & Lucy will visit later when I come back to the Hospital! Rebecca is not feeling well & is resting in her room. Mother has hired a nurse to stay with us as long as Rachael needs her! It's 10:00am & I kiss my wife, tell her I love her & I need to go get a couple hours rest & check on Rachael! We'll ride home with my parents & I'll return this afternoon. We head home & Mary's parents will follow so she can get her rest. We get home, it's 10:50am. I go upstairs to check on Rachael & find she's in pain. I ring for the nurse & she explains that she just gave her a shot of Morphine & anymore would be dangerous! She get some cool towels so to bring her temperature under control. I ask: ~Mom, how are you doing?~ She replies: ~It'll pass son, thank you~ She told me to get the envelope out of the Nightstand next to the bed: ~Harry, that letter gives you my Power of Attorney to handle any & all my business if necessary! I'm leaving the house to John Ross! It's his Mother's Childhood home! Please see that it's taken care of?~ I reply: ~Mom, you're not going

anywhere!~ She replies: ~Sure Harry, please do as I ask?~ I reply: ~I will Mom!~ The Morphine's doing its job & she falls asleep! She's a good woman & when she's gone, JR's only link to Julia will be too! He loves his Grammy & she loves him! Cancer took Julia, her Father & now it's taking Rachael!

The Christmas tree’s Delivered

It's 11:35am & The delivery truck is here from Atlanta with the Christmas tree. Beautiful tree Mother has them bring it into the house & set it up in the Grand Foyer. She loves to go big! I'm going to lay down for a couple hours so I can get back to the Hospital! It's 2:30pm & I'm headed back to the Hospital, George & Lucy are accompanying me! Lucy's looking pretty tired & I hope she's okay! George is getting excited about having another child! It's 3:00pm & we arrive at the Hospital! We park, go inside & we pass Mary's parents on the way out! Laura says: ~The Baby is perfect Harry!~ Professor Covington adds: ~Yes he is, congratulations my boy! We're going back to the house. See you there!~ I reply: Thanks, I just want you to know, I'm really glad you could be here! Talk to you when we get back!~ We go up to Mary's room, she's breastfeeding the baby! George is immediately embarrassed so she covers he breast & he relaxes! Lucy say: ~How are you feeling Mary?~ She replies~ Alls well Lucy, the baby's healthy & is a perfect little guy! He looks like Harry~ She smiles & winks at me! I'm so happy they're both okay! Mary asks Lucy: ~How are you Lucy?~ She replies: ~Oh, I'm Ooooo, ahh, I'm doing, ohhhhh, George: I think it's time~ as she holds her belly... George replies: ~Time for what me luv? Oh, Oh naw, now?~ He runs out in the hall yelling for a nurse. Lucy calmly walks out & sits in a wheelchair. Mary says: ~Go with them Harry, until he settles down! I'll be fine, not going anywhere!~ I tell George to settle down, & I ask the nurse to call Dr Jameson! Lucy's water just broke & now George is frantic: ~Calm down George, everything is fine. That's supposed to happen! Weren't you there when she had Kellyanne?~ He replies: ~Me wasn't here Harry, Navy, on a

Ship!~ I reply: ~Okay old man, everything's good!~ He settling down, Doctor's here & he takes her into the exam room! Been fifteen minutes & the Doctor comes out & asks George: ~It's time Mr Richards, coming?~ I say: ~Go with the nurse George! She'll show you where to wash your hands!~ He replies: ~Fer what? I reply: ~So you can be in there with her!~ He replies: ~Me, in der, me can be wit me Lucy? Ohhh, Okay, Me be seein ya Harry!~ He looks awfully nervous, I sincerely hope he doesn't faint! I tell him to let me know when the baby comes. I go back to my wife's room, she's holding the baby! She hands the little guy to me. He's grabs my pinky finger. His grip is strong. Just like when JR was born! I'm holding a miracle in my arms, a new life. I'm worried about Rachael too, I don't think she's got long. She says she's ready, she wants to be with Julia & The Rev!.......

Friday, November 29, 2019

Time of Birth: 7:03pm

Anabel 6lbs 2 oz

It's 7:15pm & George comes into the room: ~Me little girl be born at 7:03pm. She be Beautiful Harry, but Me need a beer!~ I ask: ~What's her name George?~ He replies: ~Anabel Josephine Richards, after me Mum!~ I reply: ~That's a Beautiful name George, is she in the Nursery?~ He nods his head Yes, & we go to see the Annabelle! She's really quite a beautiful baby. George says: ~She got me mum's eyes~ I reply: ~She's Beautiful George, Congratulations old man!~ He replies: ~Well then, Me be thankful to God, & Harry, ifin ya not be mindin, Me & me Lucy be wantin fer ya & ya Mary to be da Godmuder & Fadder, dat is, ifin ya not be mindin?~ I reply: ~George, we will be honored!~ Next he takes me to see Lucy, she had a rough time of it. She went natural too, but was in labor four hours! She's doing well now! George says: ~Me neva see nuttin like it Harry! Dat der Doctor reach down der & he pull me little girl out! Harry, she be so little, when I be holdin her, be like a bird! Awhh Me be Lovin her Harry & me Lucy too!~ I reply: ~I know old man! You call Kellyanne yet & tell her she's got a new Baby sister?~ He replies: ~Nay, Me ferget Harry! Me do now!~ I tell him I'm going back to Mary's room, there's only twenty minutes of visiting time left. Both our wives need to get their rest. Mary & Harry Jr are scheduled to be released tomorrow. I'm back in Mary's room. The nurse just gave me a ten minute heads up! I say: ~Darling, you sure gave us a Beautiful baby. I love you with all my life!~ I kiss & hold her in my arms for a minute. It's 9:00pm straight up & the nurse reaffirms it by telling me, Visiting hours are over. I say thanks, kiss my wife & tell her I will be here at 8:00am to sign her & the baby out! I meet George out in the hall, head downstairs & to Father's car! We head back to the Mansion. It's 10:00pm & we arrive, followed by my sister Jamie & her husband Bill Langley. They drove in from Little Rock! We step out of the car & greet them. I introduce George & fill them in with the news. Been a busy last couple of days. Jamie asks: ~How is Mary & the baby?~ I reply: ~They're doing well & Jamie, Little Harry is absolutely perfect!~ She hugs me & kisses me on the cheek: ~I'm glad Harry, you two deserve all the happiness in the world!~ Then she turns to George & says: ~How are your wife & baby doing?~ He replies: ~Good, me be thankin ya fer askin~ We go I to the house & our parents are waiting for me. They didn't know that Jamie & Bill were coming in tonight? Mother sees Jamie, & is surprised: ~Jaime, I wasn't aware you were coming in tonight! She hugs & kisses her hello, hugs Bob, he's a man of few words! Jaime sees Father, & like a little girl, runs into his arms: ~Daddy, 'O I've missed you Daddy! How have you been?~ He replies: ~Quite well Jaime! I've missed you too! I wish we could see more of you!~ They hug & my sister is reluctant to release him. She's always been a "Daddy's Little Girl". Mother calls for Huntington: ~Huntington, please show my Daughter & Son in-law to their room?~ He replies ~Yes Mam! He takes their bags & shows them to the room! Mother says: ~Tomorrow's the first day of December Son! Everyone will be here, the girls will be home from the hospital & we're going to decorate the tree!~ I reply: ~Yes Mother, I'm bringing Mary & the Baby home tomorrow morning. Lucy & their little one should be getting the next day! Right George?~ George replies: ~Right, Sunday!~ Mother replies: ~Good then, this is so wonderful, I just love Christmas time! God has graced us once again with two new lives, what can be better than that?, Goodnight you two! We tell my mother Goodnight & she goes upstairs! My Father says: ~You both look like you can use a drink! I reply reply: ~Scotch please Father?~ George replies: ~Me too, please, Me be thankin ya fer it Sir!~ My Father says: ~Very well~ He pours us both a Scotch on the rocks. We toast each other, drink our drinks & say Goodnight! Its been a long couple of days but we're Blessed!

Continued

#newports

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musicalmelody001 · 6 years ago

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So, like, back on that crutches thing nobody cared about...

It's been a while. It's the end of the 4th week, and those estimated 2-3 weeks to heal were a LIE. My foot still hurts pretty much on the same level as it did on the third day- a fuck ton better than the first, but still an issue walking. Granted, I only used the crutches for 6 days before I got tired of using my entire lunch break walking TO the bathroom. So, like. Still hurts. Except, oh yeah. Some fun stuff. Someone hit my car the second week, and I walked without my crutches to the nearest store (two city major intersections) in heavy-ass rain to get some ducttape to put back together the pieces of my bumper that I had JUST replaced out-of-pocket. I wasn't gonna buy a new fucking bumper less than a month after getting this one. Fuck that. Then, THIS WEEK. This week started off with a bang if that bang is a gun that shoots you in the face with bullets that explode into fireworks that spell "Fuck You".

Monday, I woke up super late and instead of arriving 30min early as I prefer, I showed up 6 minutes late. Which is TECHNICALLY a fireable offense. Later, my co-worker asked me to drive her to her friend's house after work. Her car was out of comission and would otherwise walk home - 13ish miles. So I drove her to the opposite edge of the city, the long way around because of course the gps is messing up. I finally get her to her friend's house, and turn on the gps to head home. It's about 40 minutes since we left work, but GPS says 22min to home with light traffic. Sounds good. Wanna eat some ice cream. Monday was expected to be -and WAS- the worst/bussiest/most aggrivating day of the quarter, possibly TWO quarters. All the fucking stars alligned for the day from hell for the whole department for eight solid hours.

Anywhoo, heading onto the only highway for miles -because we're inthe middle of nowhere and there's just green everywhere outside of that one main street a mile back that had a neighborhood and like three businesses, and about a mile or so down the road I notice a bunch of heat in the cabin. Coming from the air vents. And a slight smoke smell. While the ac/heater was completely off. I take the upcoming exit, and pull over in a church parkinglot that suddely shows up amongst the freaking endless trees. Turm off the car. Get outside. Pop the hood. A WALL of heat blasts me, and I feel it as I hover my hand over the engine. Okay, no big deal, I'll let it cool. But, I'm out of gas. Might have trouble getting home.

Remembering the oil leak from last month, I check the dipstick. Looks dry, might be out of oil too. I pull out my phone to google the nearest gas station. It just barely see the words "3.4 miles", then my phone fucking shuts off on me, and it's useless now. Close the hood, lock the car. I walk over to the church. Lights off, doors locked. Parking lot empty. I walk around the side and see a few cars. I walk to another door. Locked. Dark inside. But there's an intercom on the side. I assume the people there must be employees working on something durring the week, like at the church I used to go to as a kid. I push the button and offer a hesitant "Hello?" No response. Great. I turn around and take a few steps away from the door, try to get my phone to turn back on. Not responding. After a minute or two I hear a click behind me. A big, burly dark-skinned dude (for reference for my comparison, my family are all around 6ft and a nice medium tan, except me, 5'3" and whiter than printing paper) has the (completely clear glass) door open the tiniest little crack and just looks at me, "Can I help you?"

"My car broke down, is there a gas station near here?" I ask. He gestures down the road blocked by trees, "That way," and closes the door.

I stare out to the road for a bit. That was... So... Not what I was expecting. Or that helpful, really. So I head back to my car, grab the 1gal gas tank in my trunk, and inspect my windows after noticing the broken glass on the ground. Not from my car, but it still does not instill confidence. I pull out the pepper spray from my purse and have it casually resting in my hand, locked, the loop around my wrist. I take my flashlight from my glove box and put it in my purse, just in case. It's hot now, but I drape my cardigan across my sounder, and start heading down the road.

And down, and down. Down a steep hill, my ankle starts screaming as I loose sight of the church between the trees, and I keep going. I pass the higjeay, go underneath it and keep walking in the same direction. And keep walking. Pass a pair of 2ft wooden crosses sticking out of the grass on the side of the road, with fresh flowers, and a small child's toy next to one of them. I feel a sudden chill. I keep walking. Further, I cross a road and keep going, no cars, no buildings, but also no trees now. Just grass. I keep going. The hill gets steeper, I see what MIGHT be the corner of a gas station on the horison, on the second peak ahead. I l

Keep walking, and the hill reaches small flat section before sloping back up. More grass, but now more trees. I see the edge of a biking trail in the distance to my right. Assuming that means a freaking TOWN, I keep going. Up more. Some dilapidated houses that may or may not still be in residence. An empty box of diapers in the middle of the road, that I carefully approach, looking both ways down the empty road, and check for animals before moving it to the side and off the road, placing it by a cinderblock nearby so it doesn't blow back into the road and cause an accident, hopefully. I keep walking. I reach some train tracks and stand there for three minutes, completely confused as to WHAT THE FUCK these road markings are supposed to mean.

The sun is setting and I can see the maybe-gas station not too far away, so I take a picture and keep walking. My ankle REALLY hurts. I finally make it to the gas station, the sun is lower, and I go inside. I pre-pay for a gallon of gas, and an item on the recipt I did not get. I ask and am told it is a fee for using a card, I don't believe him but don't care anymore. I want to go home. I'm told a pump. The pump does not dispense gas. I try again. No response. The screen says "see cashieer inside to pay". I head inside. I say it doesn't work. Clerk says it does. I confirm the number, and go back outside. I try it again. No dice. I hit the button a bit harder, pull the lever. Nothing. I roll my eyes again. Go back inside. Am told that I am not doing it right, that I need to press the button first. Go back outside, try three more times. Go back inside. Ignored. Go back outside, paranoid now that cars are starting to arrive that maybe it will suddenly work, and someone else will get the gas. I try again. Nope. I see someone walk up from behind me in my peripheral, and I think they try to ask me for change, but I ended up screaming frustratedly at the same exact time so they leave awkwardly.

I try AGAIN. Nope. No gas. Not flowing. I go back inside. The clerk is glaring like he never wants to see me again. I say it doesn't work. He says I already got the gas. "Bull shit! It hasn't done a fucking thing!" He goes outside with me to the pump, yelling at me, hits the side of the pump, and it starts working. What the fuck. Who gives a fuck, I'm so done. I get my gallon of overpriced gas, and start to walk away as I realize I forgot the oil. I'm not going back inside. I see a small convience-like store a block or two down. Walk to it. Am asked multiple times for change and/or cash. Repeately advise that I do not have any.

I get inside, and honest the food they're selling is probably SO sketchy but I'm starved. I skipped breakfast AND lunch, so at the moment it smells so good. I just want to get home and eat. But I only have a few dollars in my account, except for the money for my car payment that I'm expecting to go through any day now. I find some oil, more than I wanted to spend, and head back to the car. It's mega dark now. No stars. Just dark. There's a few street lights here by the stores, so I continue. Reply a few more times that I do not have cash to give.

I make it to the sidewalk where majority of my journey resided, and continue down the street. I put on my cardigan. Now I'm going uphill, and my ankle is asking how I want to die, because it's screaming. I don't know how long it's been. But it's dark and it's SURELY not 6pm amymore. When I reach the intersection back in the place with no trees, a car I had seen doing past me earlier had turned around, and pulled over. No cross-traffic. Sitting at a stop sign in my path. Inside the extra-long sleves of my cardigan, I palm my pepper-spray, and leave my thumb resting lightly on the safety lock. I stop about six or seven feet away from the stop-sign, hesitating. The passenger window rolls down a bit, but I can't see who's inside. "You need a ride?"

I hope that the person is well-meaning, and decline, saying I'm almost to my car. He asks if I'm sure, and after two more refusals he drives off. I continue.

A bit further, another car comes. They're heading the same way, but on the empty road they slow down, rolling down a window to shot accross the three uninhabited lanes, and ask if I need a ride. I decline once again, wishing that I didn't have to walk anymore but also paranoid once the sun sets, and continue walking. A bit later they slow down again, suggesting I get inside. I say I'm fine. I walk further to see they'd driven foreward then turned around, this time having opened the side door. I avoid eye-contact and walk a bit faster. I don't see them again. I pass the crosses and feel a shiver down my spine as my eyes tear up. I hurriedly walk away and the feeling passes.

I reach the highway and my eyesight is blurring. I'm exhausted and my balance is off, repeatedly stopping to steady myself to keep from falling onto the grass or into the road. I reach the last peak, and the lights stop. I'm walking on the sidewalk on the left side of the road now, and grab my flashlight, illuminating the way in front of me mostly to be visible to oncoming traffic as I cross an unmarked intersection.

Finally. In the distance. The church. The parking lot. My car that I left unattended for hours, most likely. I approach, checking again for broken windows and find none. The wind is strong and almost knocking me over. I unlock the car and put my things inside, sans the pepper spray, flashlight, and gas. Closing the door, pop my gas flap and begin the slow process of figuring out how the fuck to put the gas in my car with five pieces of plastic that combine to make a nozzle, and no instructions. Eventually the can is empty, and I put it back in the trunk. Now the oil. Grab the oil from inside, loop the pepper spray around my wrist, and turn on the flashlight to pop the hood. There's STILL residual heat coming from the engine. I put the hood all the way up and open the screw-top thing for the oil. No funnel, just gotta pour carefully. Empty the whole quart, hope it's enough to get home safe. Sudden gust of wind, the hood falls on me. Pissed off, I open it back up and curse, putting the screw-top thing back in place. Close the empty bottle of oil and throw it in the cab. I'm so done. Get back in my car. Almost out of gas. Drive down to the shitty gas station and get more gas, after an unpleasant encounter with the clerk. Hope that three gallons is enough to get home because now I'm, like, a dollar short for that car payment. Vaugely hoping that it'll wait until midnight when I get paid. Get back on the highway, phone plugged in and gps open. A few miles down, the cab is hot again. Ac/heat still off. Obviously it wasn't just the oil. I crack the windows to get rid of the heat and smoke smell. Stop at an autozone, they're about to close. I get some engine coolant that my car says it's out of. REALLY short for that car payment now. Sit outside as the nice autozone worker looks at my car and shows me where to put the coolant, and instructs me to wait AT LEAST an hour and a half after turning off the car before adding it. Tells me that it might not be what is causing the heat and smoke smell, though, just help with the overheating engine. I sit on the curb looking at my car with the hood up as the nice autozone people (who know me -and my car year make & model- by sight when I walk in the store these days. Honestly, after the sixth trip in Febuary, I got a rewards card because why the fuck not) close up for the night around me. One on them comes up to me and asks if I'm waiting to add the coolant. I honestly reply that I'm just debating drinking the coolant instead. I feel bad when he looks a bit upset. He's always so nice. I get up, decide I might as well go home and add the coolant in the morning. Head home following the gps. Drive for fifteen minutes before I notice I'm passing the SAME AUTOZONE and heading the opposite direction this time. Am pissed and woreed about gas. Finally get home, leave my shit in the car, and head inside. Check my phone. It's fucking 11. I'm so fucking done. My ankle fucking hurts. My car's still fucked up and I'm still broke. I check my bank account and see the car payment hasn't gone through yet. Hopefully it'll wait until tomorrow when I get paid. Force myself to eat a few bites of food becore going to bed.

In the morning I wake up early. Check my account, and sometime between when I got home and when I got paid, my car payment bounced. $25 return fee. Fml. Almost get into a wreck. Car's still blowing hot air with a hint of smoke. I'm late for work somehow. Life sucks. I tell my coworker I don't want to drive her there again. She gets pissed. My ankle throbs. This is my week.

So, like. Hope this was entertaining? Idk. Half wanted to vent, half wanting to see if anyone else knows WHAT THE FUCK those street markings are supposed to mean. They're too uniform to not be deliberate!

#my posts

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missmentelle · 5 years ago

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Hey! So I'm 18 and this is my first year at university. The thing is, I've always been a super shy and introverted person, so on my first days here I avoided talking to anyone because I felt like I wasn't ready. Now it's been more than four months and I'm still unable to talk to them. It's just such a big deal for me. I get anxious and I just feel the urge to run away. Is this weird? Will I ever be able to open up? I'm scared this will last forever and I'll end up alone. Thank you beforehand^^

Hi there,

To be honest, I can relate a lot to your story. I’ve always been pretty shy myself, and even though I wanted to start fresh when I moved away to uni I did fall into old habits because of my introversion and anxiety for a bit. It's a pretty common thing actually, and it isn’t weird at all. It’s just something kinda difficult that we need to work through so we can be happier. It is possible to break out of this though and start opening up to people! It won’t last forever and you aren’t going to be alone forever, there’s a ton of steps you can take to help yourself out of this.

I’d highly recommend finding some professional help - it’s the easiest way to deal with this stuff. Having someone who understands what you are going through and has a ton of strategies and tools at their disposal to help you is invaluable. Seeing as you are at uni, normally there are counselling services available which can be great if you are low on money from being a student. If that isn’t available, are you able to seek help in the community? In some countries you can get a number of free or discounted therapy sessions if you get a plan through your doctor, but there is also the option of insurance etc. Basically, any kind of help you can get would get you off to a great start. Plus, seeing someone in-person to get some help for this stuff kind of exposes you to talking to strangers. You can use the relationship you have with the therapist/psychologist/social worker/counsellor to practice coming out of your shell to another person.

If you can’t seek professional help, there are still a few things you can do on your own. You could try to slowly expose yourself to socialising, by taking small steps that will ease you into it all. It can be helpful to write up a plan on what you could do at each step in advance so you have something to follow. For example, it might look something like this:

Say hello to 1 person in my class

Have a short conversation with 1 person in class about something uni-related (e.g. class content)

Talk to a small group of people about something uni-related (e.g. class content)

Talk to 1 person about more personal stuff (e.g. where you’re from, if you’re living with roommates/on campus - nothing too deep)

Have a chat to a few people about similar stuff outside of class work

Organise to catch up for a study session/coffee with someone

Organise a group catch up/study session

Each step can be worked through as fast or slow as you need, just move on when you feel ready. You will feel a little bit uncomfortable but if you start to panic it’s usually a sign you need to slow down a little. Over time though, going through these little steps can help you to build your confidence and overcome your anxiety.

Along with doing this, I have a couple of other recommendations to help you manage anxiety in general. Putting yourself into these new situations can be a little stressful at times and it’s good to have some strategies to calm yourself down if you need to. They can also be really useful for dealing with general uni/life stress:

Journalling: you could use a journal to try and get your anxious thoughts out on paper (or on your phone/computer if you don’t want a physical copy). This can help as a way of venting things out, and also helps you to take a step back from your thoughts so you can evaluate them and see if there is anything you can do. It doesn’t need to be anything pretty or fancy, getting your thoughts out is the most important part.

Mindfulness: This kind of combines a lot of anxiety-reducing methods and can be really helpful to use in a number of situations. There’s apps you can use to help you with it if you think doing meditations would be helpful, but that isn’t the only way to practice mindfulness. Here is a page that gives a good overview of it.

Breathing techniques: Try breathing in for 4, hold for 7, breathing out for 8 (or, if you’re like me and awful at holding your breath/have a physical illness that prevents you from doing this - I have personally found that breathing in for 3, hold for 2, out for 4 works well).

Grounding: This can be done in a number of ways, but one of the easiest to remember on the spot is to use your senses. Try and look for 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel around you, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This can sometimes help you to get out of your head and back to what is really going on in your surroundings if you start to feel anxious.

I hope this helps, I wish you the best!

Bee

#Anonymous #AnsweredByBee

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serenagaywaterford · 6 years ago

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1) Feel free to keep rambling! Not only I love talking with level-headed fandom people, but our opinions seem to converge (even if my wording comes off as weird/wrong because of Tumblr's word limit). Anyway. I had many issues with S2, besides Serena's arc I mean (I'll get back to her). Blessed be the goddamned plotholes! Fred becomes a cockroach that just won't die (Red Center), because he's essential to the plot. Same goes for Aunt Lydia. (Although I'm kinda glad that she's alive, because

2) I LOVE Dowd’s acting and I’m excited about her background story.) Emily comes back from the Colonies and is smfh 100% healthy. Moreover, Gilead has been surprisingly lenient with Fred and Serena’s constant fuckups in S2 (mutilated fingers aside). June won’t leave with Emily, bc MOTHERHOOD (more like there’s a s3 on the horizon and drama is needed). And don’t get me started on that slow pace. The beginning and the finale were explosive of course,but some mid-season episodes?

3) They were dragging on and on. Examples? 2x11, where only 2 things happen: a) June gives birth to Nicole, b) Fred and Serena make it clear that they want to tear each other apart (duh). The only redeeming qualities of that episode was the wolf symbolism and the excellent cinematography. I get it, the series is successful and has more seasons ahead. But if only they had squeezed some episodes, it would have been so much better.

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OMG YAY!!! I’m gonna answer these in pieces since I’ll prolly flood a giant essay otherwise. Cos, lbr, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear I had multiple personalities and was secretly sending these to myself from a fugue state, that’s how much we agree! Cos I’ve just read through all your messages and sat here going “YES! YES!” lol. I think you, me, maybe 5 other people on tumblr, and 1 TV reviewer are of the same mindset and it’s such a relief to find others who are reasonable and critical about the show/Serena.

Yes, Fred not dying was just so fucking stupid I couldn’t deal. Like, it’s not even like, “Well, he didn’t die which is crazy but he’s horribly injured and disfigured cos I dunno, he was like 15 feet FROM A MASSIVE BOMB EXPLODING.” But noooo. Instead we get Fred in hospital with a scratchy throat for like a few weeks, and when he comes back he’s got a little bit of a limp. No burns, nothing. And, to top it off, he’s got all the strength and balance of a perfectly healthy man to whip the shit out of his wife. I get they needed to get him out of the way and out of service so Serena and June could have all sorts of treasonous hi-jinks together but surely… they could have considered having Fred not 15 feet from the bomb. It killed handmaids that were way farther away than that. Just a thought. Deffo an eye-roll moment.

Aunt Lydia I’m less irritated about simply cos, like you, I love Ann Dowd and think she’s done a fab job. And we honestly haven’t got enough of her backstory and I wanna know that too. I think this show can only really captivate if it tells ALL the women’s stories, not just the victims. Like how does a woman become an Aunt? How do they justify that? Or is it simply a type of socio-religio-politcal brainwashing, akin to a lot of Nazi Party supporters? Is she a True Believer? Like, honestly, wtf is up with her? Like, cos so many of us can empathise with the Handmaids and we understand how that came about–but it takes more sides to tell a full story. So, Aunt Lydia being back… I’m not too fussed about. I really do consider Emily so damaged that I would never trust her with a baby–but that’s me. She’s been so broken, so traumatized, and like I don’t blame her at all ofc, but she needs softness and patience and no stress ever again. Like, she is not well emotionally by any stretch.

Which leads into the Colonies bullshit. That was just really bad writing. She, Janine, etc, were there for MONTHS. Like, June ran away and was gone for 92 days (Thanks for that count, Serena!). And then add on whatever time passed between her being returned to the Waterfords house and when Lilly set off the bomb. That is a long ass time to be splashing about in radioactive waste. Emily’s teeth were falling out, right? Like, how she went from literally dying of radiation poisoning to “Totally healthy enough to pop out some totally healthy babies!” I’ll never understand. The loss of the Handmaids in the bombing isn’t a good enough reasoning. A dictatorship like Gilead could easily have just conscripted a bunch of Econowives with the sweep of a pen. That is how these militant theocracies work. They’re already half-indoctrinated anyway. It was dumb to put Emily and Janine there in the first place if you knew they had to come back, as they are main cast members.

I always thought Fred and Serena were getting away with too much but I wrote it off as Fred (and Serena lbr) being a HUGE part of bringing about Gilead in the first place so they get some leeway. But then, you see Warren and Cushing being dealt with fairly severely for basically hearsay. (Okay, Warren’s I get cos you had outcry from Janine in a massively public display and backup from Naomi.) I guess because Fred/Serena’s fuckups were a little more ~private, they could excuse/lie about them/cover them up them easier? Cushing was dealt with way to easily. Like… no. “Fred” signs some paper and suddenly Cushing is being disappeared immediately. I suppose Fred took over Pryce’s place in the hierarchy? Who knows. And from what I understand, nobody in SOJ knew about June’s escape to the big country house. But c’mon, one Handmaid kills herself, the new one another starting shit every where she goes with other Handmaids and is pals with two of the most notorious other Handmaids (Emily and Janine), then is “kidnapped”, is partners with the bomber, then runs away again, then again… Sigh.

June not leaving… I just… it was so obvious that she wouldn’t cos otherwise there is no show. But why bother with all that drama then. Like, what if Emily hadn’t been there??? June had no way of knowing she’d be meeting up with Emily. She would have just dumped Nicole in some van and run back? Ugh.

And the pace was bad. ITA. There are whole episodes I don’t even bother with on rewatches. I thought the season premiere was great, then it fell of a cliff and lost my interest until about the 5th episode? Then it got going nicely (altho 2x07 wasn’t great either), then took another nosedive in 2x10 and sort of coasted almost aimlessly until the finale. I don’t like to hate on June but honestly the really 100% June-centric episodes bore the shit out of me. 2x02/03 and 2x11 being the biggest culprits. I’m just tired of the excessive use of flashbacks that all basically say the same thing now. And Moss is a great actress but there’s such thing as too much of a good thing. Not to mention, Nick and June bore me to tears as well (SACRILEGE! Send the indignant rabid fangirls on a rampage into my inbox!) so when there’s a lot of focus on that clusterfuck of inanity, I tune out. I can’t help it. I find them so annoying lol. (Which is were I usually lose common ground with basically everyone in this fandom cos everyone loves Nick for some reason I just cannot understand. If you like him, I apologise! I just can’t. I liked him more at the beginning but as it’s gone on the less I give even the slightest shit about him.)

Also, like I found 2x02 and 2x03 to just be… a waste of time? Like, okay, we got to see the Econopeople and how they live or whatever but to me, there was zero point to the whole thing because we all know June isn’t going to get away with it. So, why waste 2 whole episodes building to something everyone knows ain’t happening just for the sake of some worldbuilding that I’m guessing could have been done some other more cogent way? 2x04 was basically just to show more breaking June down in various ways. Then 2x05 was just to show the Colonies and had a lot of filler in it about that. I still don’t understand the point of the “wedding” bits. It wasn’t uplifting or hopeful at all. It was still really dark, like killing the Wife. I only really liked watching Serena go apeshit because her babyslave isn’t making proper gossipy conversation. It’s just an interesting angle cos finally Serena gets what she asks for with a super obedient Offred, and low and behold, it actually sucks and she wants June back. Story of Serena’s life and she never fucking learns lol. And Aunt Lydia flexing on Serena was hilarious. I just enjoy watching them go head to head. Not to mention the grotesque child brides thing. Gross. Super gross. Like, a bunch of stuff happened but I’m not convinced it needed to be dragged out over 4 episodes like that. Not to mention it was all really depressing. I remember watching and going, “JESUS, this show is fucking depressing. Why am I torturing myself?”

But yeah, 2x11 was super slow and all the important things that happened (that you listed) could have taken 10 minutes. Like I get too that she had to see Hannah in order to… make her decision in the finale make sense??? Was that the reason? I still don’t know. All of this could have been dealt with way more quickly and with just as much emotional gravity had it been done well.

I really like Moira but she’s been given shit all to do. I liked how we got a little insight into her and Odette. A LITTLE. But a huge weakness is that the Toronto peeps are so divorced from the drama that it often seems, not pointless, but something like it. It definitely slows the pace down to a crawl. That’s why I thought 2x09 worked well because it married both worlds. (I will never understand why 1x07 exists the way it does. What a stupid episode. I do not care about Luke’s journey, tbh. I’m here for the women–good, evil, or inbetween; not an entire episode devoted to him–especially not when we could have had Moira’s instead. I accept that his is intertwined with June’s attempted escape but… meh. It’s just like I will never care about Nice Guy TM Nick’s backstory or character. I don’t care about Fred’s childhood, or Warren’s marriage, or Luke’s manbabying, or Nick’s manpain. Eek.)

I dunno. Personally I think it could have been tightened up a bit better. But again, what do I know? I’m just a viewer. I’m sure other viewers have completely the opposite opinion.

#rants and raves #Anonymous

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soulexplorer21 · 4 years ago

Text

LOVE IS BLIND: A SELFISH LOVE

"Please, Doctor, do everything you can to save my daughter. I don't know what to do, help me Oh God!"

A serious situation happening at the emergency room, the child was in severe condition, the doctor was trying to save her. After how many minutes, she was saved, and her parents were restless while talking to the investigator to investigate the case of her child.

"Have you seen the plate number of the taxi, Ma'am?" the investigator said.

"No, things happened fast but I think the driver was under the influence of alcohol, his car was wiggling and luring to left and right," said her mother.

"We'll do everything to resolve the case, thank you for your cooperation." The investigators leave the hospital.

Unfortunate things happen the day that the child knew her parents decided to divorce. The doctor approach them and said:

"Ma'am, we did our best but the impact that was done was severe and it damages the veins in her eyes. Sorry to say, but she wouldn't be able to see again, she's now blind."

Her mother was left in awe. She resented herself for what happened to her daughter.

Time passes, 11 years after the accident. Ella and her mother were back at the hospital, they've been visiting once a month for a check-up and getting information about the eye donor who wants to donate eyes for Ella.

"Ma'am the donor kept on changing decisions; I will let you know once it's final. So far Ella was in a good condition and ready for an eye transplant." He gladly tells Ella and her mother.

"Thank you for your kindness, doctor."

Leaving the hospital, Ella held her mother's hand, upon the shining ray of sunlight her smile can be seen. She was happy upon hearing that any time soon, she would be able to see the world, again.

"Mom, are you bothered? You don't have to worry about me, it's alright I can still wait even after another 11 years. I will." They both headed home.

One afternoon, Judith, her mother prepared lunch for her children and to comfort Ella. She asked her older son, Cher to look after her dish as she was going to check if Ella's awake.

Judith was excitedly hopping her way upstairs to check Ella who was listening to jazz music. She knocked on her door and slightly opened it.

“I’m coming in, Ella”

She saw her lovely daughter and as the wind blew the curtain through the window of her room. Ella’s hair flips, and her beauty shows right through her pure soul. Judith reminds of her when she was a teenager like Ella, it made her emotional upon seeing Ella suffering from their mistakes.

Ella was into jazz music, listening to it once she woke up in the morning. It helped her clear her thoughts and put peace through her mind and soul.

"Oh, my lovely daughter! You have a heart for jazz music, just like your father. Prepare quickly for lunch, I have something to tell you." Judith was excited too.

"Yes, mom. I'll be there as fast as I can." They both giggled.

Abundant food serves in a rectangular shape table good for the whole family. All delighted to smell the aroma of freshly baked macaroni pasta, Ella's favorite dish.

"Sister, come here I'll guide you to your seat," said Cher who was excited to taste every dish served.

She replied: "Hmm... I can sense your excitement over the food, Cher thank you so much."

They are all together, laughing and chatting, catching up with each other. And then Judith suddenly remembers something she wants to tell them, especially Ella.

"Alright guys, can I interrupt for a minute? I have something to say to your sister, Ella finally... She now has a donor. The doctor confirmed it to me.

"Oh really, Mom! I am happy for you sister."

Ella was happy upon hearing the good news but can’t deny that she was worried.

"Mom what if he changes his mind, what if..."

"It's alright, I thought you said you can still wait until another 11 years?" she jokingly said.

"We have to strengthen our faith from now on. I believe, this time."

Ella replied to her: "Just to make sure I want to meet my donor mom." "I want to thank him and know what makes him decide to donate his eyes."

Judith was wondering whether she would let her daughter meet her donor. It would be hard for her if he changes his mind after they meet. She does not want Ella to lose hope.

Phone ringing, a man was disturbed by its sound, tossing, and turning around his bed while a ray of sunlight touches the skin that awakens him. He reached for his phone.

"Hello, this is Roel. Who's this? He answered the phone with a raspy voice.

" Ahm... Sorry for disturbing you, I am the Doctor from St. Teresa's eye hospital. I just wanted to inform you that we already contacted the mother of the donee. Do you want to meet them in person?"

Roel jumps out of his bed as he nervously replies to the Doctor. He stuttered and put down his phone.

Roel doesn't know what to do, he restlessly walks back and forth in his room. He seems worried and scared about his decision.

Back in time, Roel found out the truth.

His father went to his school to take him home after school hours.

"Oh, son here!" "Sorry for waiting, I just did something."

Roel smells the alcohol stinks from his father. He knew that he drinks before coming to his school. He questioned his father.

"Dad are you drunk; I can smell alcohol in you." He was a little irritated.

"I just sip a little, I wasn't drunk. I would've come here and got you a ride if I was drunk," said his father.

Roel continues to question him, "Dad how true that you killed someone by accident before because of your irresponsible drinking while driving?"

His father was surprised to hear that from him.

"Aren't you going to take responsibility for what happened? How long will you hide and face the consequences?"

"I never thought that way, I didn't run away from the accident. I was scared to be away from your mother. You know she was sick and up for eye surgery when that unfortunate thing happened. I don't know what to do, I can't help it."

There was a fast car approaching, Roel and his father got into an accident which caused his father’s death. It was another painful memory for him.

Roel decided to meet his donee's family. He's nervous to death thinking that he will meet the family of the victim of his Father's reckless driving. He sends a text message containing:

"I'm on my way, Mrs. Judith. I'm sorry it would take some time."

Mrs. Judith was busy early this morning preparing everything for their visitor. She's grinning and felt excited while humming as someone knocked on the door.

They warmly welcome him to their house, opening the door he sees the ever lovely, Ella who was then patiently waiting for him. Roel can't imagine that Ella would be this pretty. He suddenly felt guilt and sadness seeing her suffer what his father did. Time slowed down; he was stunned by her beauty as if she fell in love.

"No, stop it Roel. Think about what your father did to her." He quietly talks to himself.

Their lunch was full of conversation. They get to know each other well. Roel decided to not say anything about his father and the accident.

Roel visited Ella’s house to catch up with one another. He always assists Ella whenever she needs him. Their days and nights repeat. As another year unfolds right into their eyes. Slowly, step by step they develop feelings for one another.

As the calendar flashes in a blink of an eye, years and years have passed. In present years in 2021, Roel confessed his feelings toward Ella. They’ve known each other for a very long time. Somehow, they’ve forgotten about her eye surgery but Roel promised him that he would give her his eyes. It just turns out for good that she had fallen in love. How great it would be to have each other’s company.

Ella felt the assurance of having Roel by her side. But it can't be denied how worried she was if the time has come that Roel would be leaving and have his eyes, one that only remains a gift from the one he loved.

No one can’t break true love. Roel and Ella told Judith about it, and she gave them her blessings. She wasn't against their love, after all, Roel was a good man but he reminded him of his promise to Ella and her as well.

“Promise is a promise, Mom. I love Ella as much as you love her, I won't let you down. Think of it as another gift I could give to her. This was the only thing I could do to pay for...” He slips his tongue and forgets that he hasn't told everything yet, the truth about him and his father’s mistake many years ago.

They happily ended their conversation with a warm hug.

5 years passed. They have created a lovely family consisting of 2 children, a daughter, and a son. Despite Ella's condition, she is patiently and willing to wait for more years. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Roel and her children.

They've been living peacefully for 5 years and things went a change. While rummaging through her husband's stuff, a recorder fell on the ground. Not knowing what it's, she reached for it and the recorder played. She heard a voice, recorded by her husband, Roel.

The message contains:

“Ella, by the time you are listening to this. I am sorry and to your family as well. I am too selfish; it is all my fault. I should've not let myself fall in love with you. My father wants to surrender himself by the time the accident happened. He just wanted to be on the day my mother's eye surgery was held. Now that they are both gone, I just wanted to pay for his sins. I indeed loved you, but I didn't know that this would be very hard. Please forgive, even though I didn't deserve your forgiveness for everything that I've done.”

Ella was surprised, she was left in awe and disbelief. She threw the voice recorder and began to cry out loud.

"No, this can't be true." It seems like the world has stopped and another bad news comes from his brother calling from the hospital.

"Ella, your husband was in the hospital. He was involved in an accident going to Mom's home." said his brother who was panicking now.

She was going to the hospital but suddenly told the driver to change direction.

While going away from the heartbreak, she called her mother.

"Mom, do you know... that Roel's father was the one responsible for the accident that happened to me?" she said it while containing herself from what happened.

"I just heard that he wanted to meet me before his accident happened and I guess he planned to tell me about that matter." said her Mother.

"This can't be true. I can't believe this was happening to me." She began to cry.

"Ella, as much as I wanted to give justice for what happened. Roel is gone, and the Doctor is asking me if you would still want to be Roel's eye donee." Judith sounds worried. She knew this would be hard for her daughter.

“Where are you? Let’s talk about this in person. You can’t do this alone.”

“He made a promise, Mom. I thought he loved me, but it seems like he didn't care about my feelings at all. He loves himself more than me.” Ella felt betrayed, they were both blinded by love.

Six months after the misery and traumatic situation, Ella’s children were in Judith’s care. She’s taking the kids for a shower when she receives a call. It was from her daughter, Ella who had been away for a long time.

“Mom, it’s me Ella. I’m coming home, I have a surprise for all of you. I’m sorry for leaving, I’m good and ready to face everything now.” She said while her voice was shaking, she teared up a bit.

“I’m glad you’re coming back. I’ve already prepared everything for your OB Foundation that you said.” Judith was delighted to hear her daughter happy, again.

In the airport, a place where either you would be separated and or reunited from your loved ones. The sound of airplanes landing through the runway, which excites the kids who are waiting for their mother to arrive. Kids hopping and giggling with each other, no words can't express how they’re longing for their Mother’s embrace.

“Children, Mom’s here!” Ella shouted with joy. “How nice to see your faces. Mommy can see now.” Ella’s voice cracked.

“Ella, I cannot believe this! Can you really see us now?” You’re now seeing the world. Judith was obviously surprised.

On the way home, Ella tells Judith exactly what happened after she left the country.

“Before I leave after the incident, I’ve been waiting for OB Foundation’s confirmation about my eye surgery. I left the country not just to move on to life, but the surgery was supposed to be done in the United States of America. After the recovery they want me to be part of the foundation and to serve as a living proof. I did, and I always wanted to give back to people and to the world. Even before, although I can’t see the world, I knew how painful it is to see the world and its people suffering. With the help of the foundation, I started a new whole life, again.” Ella reminisces about her hardships it was painful, indeed.

After a couple of days, Ella’s family decided to go to the church and to visit her husband's tomb.

Hand in hand walking the streets with her children grin ear to ear. She tightly holds their hands as she feels guilty and sorry for what happened and that at an early age they’re separated from their deceased father.

Ella parted ways with her husband, leaving with a heartfelt message that she always wanted to tell.

“We’re too selfish Roel, we were both blinded by love that leads our lives into miserable ones. I know how much you loved me, and you know how much I loved you. I’m sorry, it took a lot of time for me to accept all of this. I refused to have your eyes and I've already decided even before things happened; it is the only way I could think to repay your love to me. Until we see each other again, Roel.”

I hope that the story was able to touch your heart. 💚 -ASTER

#lifestyle #choices #opportunity #real love #reality

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