#it's not fair that they're so beautiful and kind and funny and attractive and they can't see that.

[buysomecheese]

FUCKED UP THAT SOMEONE CAN SEE THEIR FRIEND IN A VULNERABLE POSITION AND THEN USE THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE!!! FUCKED UP THAT HE WOULDN'T TAKE KINDLY TO HIS OTHER FRIENDS HELPING HIM GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION SO WE CAN'T HELP AS MUCH AS WE'D LIKE TO. FUCKED UP THAT SO MANY GOOD THINGS WILL BE TAINTED FOR HIM NOW. FUCKED UP THAT HE'LL LIKELY BE SO CLOSED OFF TO EVERYTHING NOW BECAUSE OF THEM!!!!!

[legendofmorons]

How to fall in love twice (Time, Malon) -Part 4

Pairing : Malon x Reader x Time

Rating: T

Summary: As you and Malon have some bonding time in Kara Kara inn Time gets pissy with the boys.

Warnings: Implied/ referenced child abuse, referenced alcoholism - (Reader had a drunk father that sucked until he was forced to get better or stay gone)

Other: if I missed anything, please let me know.

-------

You spend the two weeks a version of Wild's hyrule. The land is beautiful but the problem say it's only been twenty years since the calamity.

During this, you and Malon spend time talking and doing upkeep for an adventure. You gather rupees for odd jobs and stocking on supplies. With several faries and lots of weapons, you settle for basic food supplies. You leave an adventuring tag for the boys on the off chance they come across it

At the moment, you and Malon are settled inside the in of Kara Kara Buzzar, the busseling groups outside loud.

Inside is a haven of perfect temperature ir, maintained by enchanted sapphires.

"I hope the boys are doing okay." Malon says as she inspects her bow, eyes nothing but calculating.

"Mh, they're fine... By now, they're figured out that we're not coming back and that we got the mask."

"I know. I'm just worried. "

"Can I help?"

"No... It's just weird. I'm not usually the one on an adventure. "

You nod, not quite understanding the sentiment but understanding being on an adventure you weren't expecting or really even supposed to be on.

She looks at you fully, her soft smile a little bitter in the afternoon light. "I'm just glad that it's you that I'm with and not someone else."

"Oh- thanks. I'm glad it's you here too." Yoy say, trying not to come off as the giant smitten crush haver you are.

"You're sweet. It's really no wonder Link likes you so much."

"Oh, yeah... I try."

Malon just laughs, warm and amused. "You're a good person, and I've heard you're a Greta friend."

"That means a lot. Thank you."

She just smiles, pulling her bag onto the bed so she can double-check her arrow supply.

If she's honest- she likes you too. A lot. More than a friend even if it is a fresh crush.

You're funny, kind, and very attractive. She likes how you try to help people and protect those who need it. You're good people.

You turn to the window, watching the sands roll by as chatter sounds around you. The tourists outside are all dressed in linens and silks, seeking refuge from the sun as they browse the stalls.

You can hear Time worrying, even if you aren't actually there. You've seen it enough times, overheard his muttering, he thought no one could hear. You just hope he and the others are okay.

(You can see the pacing and the glaring as he mutters about where you and his wife might possibly be. The way he gets snappy with everyone's. How he takes as many watch shifts as he physically can before royally crashing. Only to repeat the whole process.)

"Hey, (Y/n)?" Malon calls.

"Yeah?"

"What was it like for you growing up?"

You turn to face her, her curiosity evident. And usually you don't just tell people about your past but most people don't ask. To be fair.

"Well... I mean, mom was born on a ranch and grew up there with her siblings. Dad was a royal guard from a long line of them.

"I grew up in castle town, I have three siblings though. And we spent every summer at Mamaw and Papaw's ranch. I did good in school but I struggled to keep up.

"It was okay, dad wasn't home a whole lot... Drank when he was, but he just got loud and angry."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's fine. The one time he hit us, mom nearly killed him." You give a shrug, "After that, he left for a year and came back better. I still don't talk to him much these days. But I don't feel like he's a danger anymore either."

"He hit you?" Malon asks, furry already filling her. How dare anyone ever mistreated children - how dare anyone mistreated you.

Oh, she'd like to kick your father's ass. That would be fun.

She can only imagine that Time would be on board.

"Once. Never again." You shrug, unphased because honestly you've faced worse on this quest with the boys.

"That's a real low thing."

"It's cool, I can kick his ass now. After learning to hold my own against the boys, I think I could take on Gannon myself." You crack a smile, hoping to distract her with a joke.

"I'm sure you could."

"Maybe that's why we got pulled away, to destroy gannon?" You snort at just the thought.

Gannon is so fucked is you or Malon meet him, but both of you- well he'd be done for. You both have a lot of rage towards him and you're both skilled at fighting.

"Ha! Maybe so."

"How would you do it?" You ask, "Defeat Gannon, I mean."

Malon tilts her head with a hum, thinking about the logistics of her ideal victory. She bites her lip as she does this.

"I think I'd just take my cast iron skillet to his head." Malon says with a shrug, "What about you?"

"Hm- I meN I'd wanna say the sword would let me weird it and go that route... but I'd probably be more likely to fight him with a baseball bat full of nails."

"That's a good choice."

"I think so!"

Malon changes the subject again, this time to the places you've been.

And you just enjoy the downtime with the redhead. You definitely are starting to fully grasp why Time likes her so much.

.......

Time can't stand can't of this, settled at a campfire in the Great plateu of Wild's hyrule is awful. Time's only thoughts are of you and Malon.

The woods are no comfort to him. Only making him more on edge because you could be anywhere in any time, and he'd never even see you if you were here.

Time is so worried. And everything is too quiet.

He's- used to not having Malon around all the time on this quest... But you've been there so long your absence is particularly felt.

The lack of your smile and laugh has been awful. Your help with cooking has been missed. The soft touches as you help him dress wounds -

Oh he's so fucked.

"I'm sure it's fine." Wind says a s he sits down by Time.

"Sailor - you don't know that. "

"I do. You have a type. Stubborn." Wind's smile at the end is a little smug.

"I- that is not my type."

"It's part of it."

"I'm just worried about them. Obviously, something happened. Neither of them would just run away. "Time says as he narrows his gaze on the ground.

"No... they wouldn't. "Sky says, "But they're together, are they're both smart."

"That doesn't mean they are in danger. I'm not even sure the mask is going to be helpful. What if they haven't even found it?"

Wind just listens, not sure how to help but wishing Time eoukd stop being so on edge.

"It will be okay, Time. Obviously you get them back. Or Twilight wouldn't exist." Sky tries to reason.

"That only means I get Malon back- what if (Y/n) dosen’t ever come back? What if It's my fault and I didn't hear them and-"

"Time." Twilight says firmly to try to stop the rambling spiral the man seems set on.

Everyone is worried about you and Malon. Everyone wants to get you all to safety-

"Hey, old man." Warriors calls out, "Come look at this."

Time stands, gaze landing on Warriors next to the largest tree in the forest, roots almost like their own tunnel.

The man was towards the knight, waiting for more instruction.

"These are (Y/n)'s initials, aren't they?"

Time looks, and maybe your hylian and his hylian are very different but you'd taught him how you tagged certain things when lost. A habit picked up from a survivalist uncle.

The tag carved into the tree reads your intials and then 'day 4'.

Unfortunately, the wood is well healed. At least fifty years have passed, probably longer. But the chain hadn't been in the plateu before, which means -

You got pulled away through a portal. With Malon at your side, probably. And you are in the past of the current time the boys are in.

That's some real shit.

"Well... at least we know what happened to them?" Wild trues, not really soundings too confident in it.

"I'm going for a walk." Time says in place of any real answer.

"Should we tag that way?" Wind suggests from behind the group.

"Maybe." Wild says, "So they can at least keep up with where we've been."

Warriors nods, deciding to tag the tree below your carving 'H.C. day 9.'

He just hopes you can figure it out.

Time can be seen going on a walk Allright, a real pissy walk.

Yikes.

[set-wingedwarrior]

There's something that's been heavy on my chest for a while and that I just need to let out.

Every time I see posts about "how beautiful girls with x stereotypically unattractive trait actually are" I just want to scream. That's not even about my personal feelings about these traits (I am a human being, some I like, some I don't), but just about how it feels like the biggest lie.

I am specifically referring to the traits I do have, most of which I also hate. And for good reason.

It's just a lie that these traits are attractive. I am not attractive, I know and have to live with that. I know because I'm in my late twenties and got just one relationship in my whole life. Because no one else ever showed interest. I am not the kind of girl that gets that sort of attention. I'm not the kind that people like like that.

I have friends (which I love very much btw) that say that want me to be happy and in a relationship, that think I am kind, and funny, and jokingly say I'm "wife material" because I can cook and bake. It's not like I think they're lying, but I do believe that as friends it's just different. Said in a more bitchy way, I think it's easy to say these things when you're not supposed to be the romantic interest and you're not interested to be (I mean, I'm not either, and I still think the world of them. But still.)

I am sure that it's because of my body. I know because it's unattractive, it doesn't matter what any other positive traits I might have. I know it's true because I've seen my pictures. I know it's true because even in psychology it's considered a big factor. Yet, it's something out of my control.

So, when I see these posts, I just know that they're lies. They have to be or else why am I stuck like that? Alone? Unwanted? I love my friends to death, but the dream of my life is to meet my match, my person, my someone I can share my life with.

If it's not a lie, it might be even worse. What is so wrong with me that I simply cannot ever be taken into consideration like that? To be fair, I don't easily get interest in others either regardless of looks, I need to feel comfortable and know someone first, but still. I'm also ace and generally not good at this stuff (the rare times I do feel interest), and that doesn't help either.

Is my personality that bad? My confusion over some social stuff such a turn-off? Am I that worthless to just bring nothing to the table? For anyone?

It's just really painful. And lonely. I rarely get to feel interest or catch feelings, and despite that all these few times just ended up bad for me. But what else should I expect? Even I feel bad for them for having someone like me get a crush on them on those few times.

These posts are all lies. Nobody ever finds whatever I am attractive. No one wants me.

I'm tired.

[mrs-luigi-vargas]

Lowish-effort Aro Mario and Aro Bowser icons for @arospecfanworksweek! They're very simple but I like making them I should do it more often :D

Anyway there's whole lot of rambling about the headcanons under the cut if you're curious, haha. I guess it makes this entry technically match Day 1's prompt but honestly I wasn't intentionally trying to follow said prompts at all, lmao

~~~

OK, so I've headcanoned Mario as aro for a while, now. Part of it is me projecting, of course. But also I think it would be interesting if he was, mainly because of how it would affect his dynamic with Peach. Because, you know, the hero and the princess; the knight and the damsel; he was a boy, she was a girl - at least a lot of the Toads seem to think that it couldn’t be any more obvious. But Mario wouldn’t think it was obvious. And any suggestions otherwise would just be mostly awkward and off-putting for reasons that are difficult to get across to the romance-minded. He and Peach were already close, as friends. That's all they needed to be, right?

But anyway what I'm trying to say is a major appeal of this headcanon for me is the like…inherent defiantness of it. Standing in step with so many normally romance-coded things and doing them platonically despite what everyone wants or expects. And then also me projecting, like I said before 😊. Wrote a couple of fics about it even, if you wanna read them~ 😁

As for aro!Bowser, though, it's only something I've vaguely been thinking about recently. 'Cause I read a whole bunch of Bowuigi fic last year, and in almost all of those they gotta wave away/retcon/reconcile Bowser's attraction to/kidnapping of Peach, right? So one way I've seen of doing that is something to the effect of Bowser kidnapping Peach because Junior needs a mom. Which is such an interesting rationale to give him, haha. But to be fair its usually not by itself; there's usually a sense of 'well, Peach is very kind and beautiful, so marriage is definitely the way to go on this (or so I thought'. But sometimes it isn't and that's very funny to me. The things shippers do to pull their stories off are something to behold sometimes 🤭

But still! It got me thinking. What if Bowser's crush on Peach was completely manufactured? Unknowingly, of course; in the sense that Peach is very kind and beautiful and powerful and the monarch of a nearby kingdom in his age range so that's how these thinks are supposed to go, yeah? He wasn’t totally sure; becoming King didn’t really leave any room to know otherwise, with how much work there was to be done every day. At least Kamek had seemed to think so, though, talking about alliances and heirs and a bunch of other things Bowser hadn't been really listening to. Though Kamek was hardly wrong about anything important, would it kill him to be a lot less boring about it?

But even still, Bowser's proud and headstrong and stubborn, so when the marriage-alliance with Peach doesn’t work out then he decides to make it work out. And then the kidnappings start. And then continue. Because "it'll totally work this time, this plan is perfect!".

Like trying to jam a square peg into a round box over and over with no clue that there's anything wrong. Or maybe an inkling of a clue that we've decided to ignore because, you know, "I'll kidnap Peach for good, this time, you'll see!"

Also I remember seeing discussion somewhere about how Bowser could be interpreted as someone with abandonment issues, which could play into this too; people will stay if you keep them by force, after all, whether by kidnapping, marriage, or both.

So yeah. Not the greatest outlook on things, obviously.

Regardless, I think that in this universe where Mario and Bowser are both aromantic they both get on track to consciously realizing it post-Super Mario Odyssey.

Mario because as he and Peach are flying home Peach obviously wants to know why he snap-proposed to her like that. To which Mario has to sheepishly explain how his inner competitiveness had flared up when Bowser had tried to propose to her again. To which Peach sighs because yeah, of course it was that. And then Mario gets around to asking if Peach is okay, to which Peach describes the nightmare of a past while she'd had because of this wedding business, to which the conversation pivots to weddings in general, and then romance in general.

And Mario contributes to the conversation as best he can, but… he knows from watching Luigi's romance-related ups and downs over the years that the way he himself thought about the concept wasn’t…correct.

But Peach won't stand for Mario thinking that there was something wrong with him; it takes an overnight stint or three in the castle library (to Toadsworth's chagrin) before she finally finds an answer for him. So she invites him to the castle for tea, and for a vocabulary lesson that'll change his life.

Meanwhile Bowser sits on the moon,. Reflecting on his utter defeat that must have been more crushing than he'd thought for him to not even remember how he got out of that cave, thinking about how even aside from Mario being on his tail the entire time this whole wedding planning business was more of a stress-filled ordeal than he'd initially thought it would be, considering the fact that the post-wedding future that he'd figured he'd figure out as it came had stubbornly remained an amorphous blob of ambiguity instead of snapping into place during those final hours, despite the Broodals' assurances to the contrary. He'd indulge in a rare bout of self-reflection, maybe, about these inconsistencies.

And then he would shrug, get up, and make his way home. Because while he wasn’t particularly sure about marrying Peach anymore, he knew he would still be kidnapping her. Because of the engaging process of making and executing perfectly laid plans, because of the adrenaline rush of a good fight, because of the future bonding experiences with his kids, because the rest of his minions needed something to do, ha.

Because of the fact that he was Bowser, King of the Koopas, and he's absolutely not the sort of person to just give up, even if his core motivations have shifted slightly! And just as Mario would always show up to ruin his plans and take Peach back home Bowser would just make new plans, and he was going to successfully pull a kidnapping off and beat Mario once and for all, he just knew it!

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s5 ep21: Someone to Watch Over Me

I'm all for comedy episodes, but this one is so full of old-timey gender stereotypes that I just can't enjoy it. Having the Doctor develop a crush on yet another younger blonde woman who he's supposed to be mentoring, and expect the audience to sympathize with him instead of thinking he's a creeper, is just too big an ask for this ep.

For starters, why does Seven need to date anyone? She's only been human for like two years, that seems a little fast to be getting into that, especially when she's never even experienced any kind of attraction to anyone. If ever a character was textually asexual, it's her, but because she's played by a hot actress, they will never allow her to be. So we get this exhausting compulsory heterosexuality, complete with godawful lines that sound like they were written in the 1950s about 'but you're a woman, Seven' and how that means she must naturally want or need a romantic relationship eventually, and with a man, of course. At which point I roll my eyes and grit my teeth and try to get through the sexism as best I can.

Star Trek really shouldn't steal plots from musical theatre- Deep Space Nine did that Brigadoon episode that wasn't exactly great, but Voyager trying to do My Fair Lady is worse. The whole point of My Fair Lady was that Higgins was a smug asshole who deserved to be miserable after how he treated Eliza, and she only comes back because it's a musical comedy from the 50s, and they have to have a happy ending. But he does get some comeuppance when Eliza walks out on him, and he realizes that his own poor behavior led to him losing someone he cared about. The Doctor gets no such comeuppance, beyond Seven being annoyed for a few minutes when she finds out, and he learns nothing from his little attempt to Svengali Seven into being his vision of what she should be- yet we're supposed to feel sorry for him when his crush isn't returned? No thanks!

I remember even as a kid being exhausted by having to watch another story about a bald middle aged man falling in love with a younger, blonde hot babe, especially since the reverse of that is rarely seen on screen. Maybe May-December Beauty and the Beast stories wouldn't creep me out so much if May-December Handsome and the Hag stories were just as common, but they're not. All I know is if you made twelve year old girls in the audience feel uncomfortable, you didn't make a good comedy.

Why the Doctor is even mentoring Seven in the ways of humanity, when he himself isn't even a human, and not very blessed with social graces himself, I have no idea. Honestly Tom was right when he said it was the blind leading the blind.

There are so many dumb rom com cliches here, right down to a scene with the Doctor taking Seven's hair down so we see she's actually beautiful (gag, but also doesn't that clue anyone in that her current hair and wardrobe doesn't look good on her? Please give her a uniform and a better hairdo!). There's some individual funny moments- the guy who played Lieutenant Chapman was great, his face journey when Seven asked him on the date was priceless, and Neelix trying to wrangle the drunk alien ambassador, then the crew having to figure out what to do with him so they wouldn't get in trouble when Mom the Captain got home, was actually cute. But after already having to deal with the Doctor's creepy crush on Kes, and thinking we're free of it once she left, only to have it restart with a new blonde girl dujour, was just too much. I wish they'd give Seven some good material, but instead we just get My Fair Borgy.

Tl;dr: A lightweight comedy that was too dependant on old timey gender stereotypes and heteronormativity to actually be fun.

[obigem]

"Hey, Jai," Cordie whispered out the side of her mouth. "it's easier to just pretend we don't see them. I mean, I'm pretty sure they've forgotten we're here, so fair game right?"

Jai snickered. "That's fair. Sorry. DeShawn's a horndog. I didn't realize he'd go overboard."

"It's OK. Jordie goes overboard too. I guess they're really into each other."

"Yeah." Jai in quiet contemplation for the first time on their date was able to really appreciate who he was with. His girlfriend. And how beautiful she is. "Hey, Cordie?"

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say, you look really nice."

"Oh. Yeah. You said that already." Cordie got nervous.

"I know, but since it's just you and me and no one else right now, I just wanted to say it again. You're the prettiest girl I've ever known"

"Oh." She took a sip of her soda

She liked Jai.

She really did.

But in moments like this where her heart was pounding so much, she just didn't know what to do. She knew if she looked at him her cheeks would burn. Things couldn't stay like this.

So she'd have to say something.

"Listen, Jai?" She started. "So, I'm glad we're going out now. I like you. But the truth is, I don't really know how I'm supposed to be your girlfriend. I feel more awkward than I've ever felt around you, which is weird because I've known you forever. But it's different now."

"I can't be like Jordie and DeShawn with petnames and PDA times a million. I wanna be able to be comfortable around you like we were before. But I'm your girlfriend now, so I don't know if we can."

"Says who?"

"Well, isn't that how relationships are supposed to go?"

"If we act like we're just friends, how is that different than before we started dating? It feels like it should be more."

"The fact is that I like you. I've always liked you. And I'd rather you be comfortable around me rather than uncomfortable. So don't push yourself."

"Act how you would normally act around me before we started dating."

"And that would be OK?"

"Why wouldn't it be? Cordie, I like spending time with you. The other stuff, it'll come naturally when were both ready for it. Till then, it's like I said. Don't push yourself."

"OK." Cordie said with smile. "I guess I'll do that then."

From there, things suddenly became a lot more relaxed. She was able to talk and laugh with Jai without blushing or her heart racing. She felt comfortable with him again, and it felt right.

"You guys seem pretty chatty over there?" Jordie glanced over at them with a cocked eyebrow after being immersed in a liplock for the last 10 minutes.

"Jai was just telling me a funny story. Besides we had to entertain ourselves somehow while the two of you were petting."

"Oh, ha ha." Jordie waved her off. "Well, now D and I are ready for a different kind of fun. So you guys wanna check out the rides?"

"Yeah, let's check those out." Jai nodded, as they all got up from the bench and paired off arm in arm toward the attractions.

[justwordsonpages]

It's incomprehensible to me, this thing we have.

I thought it only existed in movies.

That feeling of when someone is talking, and they're so captivating that you almost can't stand it.

The feeling of looking into someone's eyes and feeling it.

The feeling of such intense conversation that you're absolutely certain you have their full undivided attention.

That feeling of needing something, and someone just gives it to you. With no discussions. No begging them to love you. Just someone willing to show up for you, every single day, as much as they possibly can.

I'd never had that before, but I also never believed it was real.

But what's more, I've never had my mind read before.

See, I have so many insecurities that you know absolutely nothing about. It's something I don't let people see, but it's very tangible to me every waking moment. It's something I genuinely struggle with.

And yes, physical insecurities are also a problem of mine, but I mean mental insecurities.

The fear someone will just decide one day they don't care anymore, and leave. Forever.

The fear I may be too fat or not attractive enough. That surely someone else is better.

The fear I'm not smart enough, or funny enough, or I don't know what to say. I'm too quiet, so there's a lot of awkward pauses.

Every time we have an awkward pause, I freeze. Surely this will be the moment you decide to give up, right?

I just don't fit with you, you've seen it finally.

I'm afraid of those things because it's happened so many times. Relationships of all kinds, platonic, romantic, anything. I've watched them lose interest and give up on me time and time again. I've watched them decide I'm not good enough countless times.

And then there's you. My little mindreader. Who I've never voiced any of these concerns to, but somehow still always knows to put my mind at ease anyway.

I was worried you'd lost interest because you've stopped talking to me so much, so you started talking to me more suddenly. I didn't talk to you about how I was worried about that. You just knew. Maybe perhaps it bothered you too, I'm not sure.

I was worried you'd see me in person and then decided I'm not as beautiful as you'd thought. Which is completely fair. But you said you stalled your bike twice the first time we met in person, because you were flustered. But you always text me some variation of "good morning gorgeous". Every day. Reliably.

I was worried, when you suddenly stopped putting the words beautiful or gorgeous in your "good morning" texts. I didn't say a single thing about it. But you've suddenly started doing that again. How did you know?

And even though I don't believe I'm beautiful, you make me feel as though you find me beautiful and that's enough for me. Honestly, I think you could do better.

I was worried, because I don't see you that often, and we stopped having more intimate, sexual conversations. And then you started initiating more of that as well.

I was worried, when you got extra drunk at a football game with your friends. But you texted me the entire time until you got home, and kept flirting with me the entire time. And I never asked you to do that.

I was worried because you stopped kissing me as much. And then without being prompted, you started kissing me more.

I was worried because you hadn't been texting me as much lately but you've been spending a lot of time with this new group of friends you have now, but you always tell me about what you guys were doing and what happened. And I never had to ask.

I was worried, because when we fall asleep together you hadn't fallen asleep facing me in a while with my leg around your waist. It's so incredibly intimate, and I've only ever done that with you. And the very day I even had the thought, you did it. You fell asleep facing me, and you even asked if I was okay before you fell asleep. There's a small chance you may have already been mostly asleep, but you still asked if I was okay before you allowed yourself to sleep.

You have matched my energy on every level every day, without ever being asked. And I don't know what I've done to deserve it. I don't know how you always know exactly what I need and give me more of it. I really don't. Sometimes I don't even know what I need.

I haven't felt lucky like this in well, ever.

But that's how I know, it's you.

And I hope you know I'm nothing but grateful every step you take.

[sittingwithmyself]

My Body & I

To those looking:

I cannot control how you see me. I cannot predict, nor can I determine, the judgments you make -- whether you think I'm smart, funny, interesting, or beautiful. 

Although, I wouldn't be surprised if the first thing you see -- the first thing your mind registers, especially if you're meeting me for the first time -- is a woman, identified by my long hair, round face, prominent hips, and breasts (however tiny). 

We live in a society where our gender determines a lot: who to befriend, date, and marry; which jobs to take; what clothes to wear; how to behave at home, school, and work; and the expectations people have of us. 

I've often felt like I've failed at being a woman. I'm too overweight and without the necessary curves to have a coke bottle figure. I don't usually wear make-up and high heels. Most of the dresses in my closet have only been worn a couple times, if at all. I'm horrible at stroking a man's ego. I'd rather be treated like an equal than a sexual object. 

No matter how much I tell myself none of those things matter, that I can be whatever kind of woman I want to be, what I learned about gender as a child still haunts me. Additionally, as much as society has attempted to progress, it still holds tight to gender stereotypes. 

Every other aspect of who I am will almost always be filtered first by my gender. Not because my biological sex might be obvious to anyone with eyesight, but because as a society that determines much based on gender, we place a lot of meaning on the gendered characteristics we see. 

To be fair, it makes sense to filter by sex or gender if you're motivated by a sexual drive, are constantly categorizing people on whether or not you'd like to bone them, and sex/gender is the primary factor for attraction.

I can't control whether you see an attractive woman; a non conforming, gender queer female; or a human whose traits have yet to be determined. So, I've decided to stop trying. To stop giving power to the idea of gender. To be who I am regardless of your expectations and judgments. 

In a way, I'm thankful for my feelings of gender failure, because without them, I would have never questioned gender rules and the beliefs that sustain them. I would have never woken up to see that I'm so much more than my body parts. 

Nowadays, people have found comfort in different identity labels (e.g. woman, man, non-binary). However, I've decided not to pick a gender label at all. In fact, I have absolutely no earthly idea what it means to be a woman or a man without using traditional gender rules. I can't tell you if I feel like a man or a woman because I don't know how each of them feel (or how they're supposed to feel). Go ahead and place a label on me if you want, but I won't identify with it. I refuse to play by the rules of gender, whichever ones you've adopted, because honestly, they seem either too limiting or completely meaningless. Perhaps I would pick a label if I saw the utility of it, but I don't. 

I'd rather you judge me based on my inner qualities. When at first glance you notice my biological sex, I'd rather you hold all assumptions of who I am until you hear the words I speak, the questions I ask, the ideas I pose, the assertions I make. If you must judge on appearance, I'd rather you see the way I hold myself up, the way I move my hands when I speak, the way I scrunch up my nose, the different ways I laugh and smile. 

I'd rather you come to learn the things that interest me, the things that have me in a fit of giggles, the things that break my heart.

My thoughts, feelings, and beliefs – those are the things I identify with. 

I am not my body. It is simply the house that protects me, the vehicle that keeps me moving. When I die, I will not take with me my tiny breasts and prominent hips. I will take my thought-provoking questions, my off-colored jokes, my hard-won achievements, the life-altering lessons I've learned, and the sustaining love I've felt for those who have seen me as I am and have allowed me to see them in return. 

My body is female, nothing more, nothing less, until we redefine terms of biological sex, and if when you see it, you imagine me playing the role of a woman, so be it. You have the right to categorize me by your understanding of the world, just as I have the right to live by my own. 

What matters is how I see myself, and I wish I had known that a lot earlier. If I had, I wouldn't have spent decades giving up my control to identify who I am. I wouldn't have been so afraid of the person I see when I strip off my collection of masks and acknowledge the part of me left bare – the vulnerable soul yearning for genuine connection. 

I may not be what you want or expect, but I am a person, just like you. And if all you see is a human with a vagina, then maybe you're a dick. 

[inkofamethyst]

March 8, 2023

No one would ever get this out of me irl but I very occasionally, at the peripheries of my thoughts wonder what might have been if I had agreed to go out with that guy from biochem. (Can you tell that Hadestown has had an effect? This is dizzying. Next thing you know I'm going to be begging to have a crush (but also I'm very picky about my crushes bc they can't be undergrads (lol tbf I'm only barely not an undergrad myself), they can't be in my department, and they have to be someone I see somewhat regularly (no passerby crushes)).) Because part of the reason I said no was fear and part of it was that I was in excruciating pain when we had that study date (mostly the fear though), and then there was also the whole being devastated about not getting to show off that solo that I worked really hard on. Bad vibes all around. But he wasn't a bad guy. I was just scared.

Even still, I can't seem to remember his name.

[edit, next day: I wrote the above last night and you would not believe the butterflies I got today when all I did was make eye contact with some (very attractive) dude before a class. Ridiculous. (I have the need to catch his eye again.) This is gonna be like bike-boy from junior year lol. Or the caving dude, also from junior year (literally who did I think I was, trying to go caving just to get close to a man??? Lowkey still wish I'd been able to get in on that trip, but alas).]

God, I really cannot dance. Was recently informed that alum from my undergrad uni would be restricted in their GDrive space so I went in and culled (will ultimately have to remove half of what I have stored) a bit. In early pandemic days there was some Broadway challenge (it was basically a big ad but it was fun and free (and very successful, incredibly marketed), so) where each week you'd have to take time to learn a song or dance or something and post it and I saved my dance video to my uni GDrive and it's AWFUL. Like the steps are all there, I can remember them (because I drilled it hard) but I'm so clunky lookin--it's dreadful. IT'S SO BADDD. (keep in mind it was newsies though so like it is bad but the choreo isn't helping either) But. If nothing else, I keep that smile on lock(down). I haven't watched any of the theatre tapes from high school but that doesn't make me excited to see them, beyond hating the recorded sound of me singing, bleh.

Found out what next year's stipend numbers are going to be and there's still literally no way I'd be able to make it work with my current savings rates (25% (also I'll be increasing my estimated taxes to 30% from 25%)) without help. It feels kind of weird to say this because I truly miss my grandmother so much like it's not even funny, but she's helping me so much right now.

Want to make a text-based, randomized, hunger-games-style battle royale game in python for my friends to play. In a different life, I think I could've been a game dev. Literally. Writing, music, computer science (I don't really do visual arts though). To be fair, like, there's nothing stopping me from trying. On the side, just for fun, coming up with minigames. I think I'd need to become like Brandon Sanderson though, where I relax by doing something (actually, now that I think about it, I'm not that far off, it's just that I don't have a ton of access to my favorite hobbies rn (music, sewing, etc)).

Today I'm thankful for how beautiful biology can be sometimes. I love how we find reflections of the same ideas at all levels!!! Recently I was thinking about multicellular organisms, and how they're just a bunch of different cell types that have different jobs with the goal of all working toward the greater good of staying alive together. And you don't just see this in things like animals! There are unicellular organisms that form colonies when times get tough, and they sometimes will even divide out work amongst themselves. And at the multi-organismal level, people banded together during those early days of covid to make sure the elderly were fed, that we were getting fitness classes, that we could see performances. And I know this is a basic idea in biology, but that doesn't stop it from being beautiful.

[edit: I finished all of my pre-spring break homework!!!! Let the breaking begin!!!!]

[rrking]

Me who never posts on Tumblr

Also me in my notes:

Not being funny I have a legit fantasy involving being pounded in the back of a Hummer truck after I saw that in an adult film LMAO

This is just a story based on that but from the perspective of someone quite closeted and inexperienced, I've been using writing to navigate my own feelings and this was one of the pieces

Plot: Girl in late 20s has first experience with real intimacy with her boyfriend in a car, (it's a nice car mind) after most of her life being afraid or avoidant of sex and intimacy. The boyfriend is a well known actor, which only adds to the uncertainty - and he knows this, but he tries to convince her that he wants to be together and he wants this, because he's just a person too.

Most of the story is her thoughts and feelings as described by her spiralling internal monologue.

❌NSFW❌

❌M/F PAIRING❌

❌DESCRIPTIONS/MENTIONS OF PREVIOUS SEXUAL RELATED TRAUMA❌

(I was groomed by an older man online when I was 16/17. I'm trying to heal from this even ten years on and that's part of the reason I wrote this.)

I can't believe I agreed to go up this stupid mountain with him. I already hate being stuck in a car, but how we're stuck at the top of some fucking mountain in the middle of nowhere.

To be fair, I would have said yes to anything considering I'm flying home tomorrow, and... Well...

LA looks beautiful from up here. I can see the entire city, from the centre to the stacked rows of houses on each side. I can see his house too... Maybe even our house, one day. What a dream.

My boyfriend is an actor, one of many trying to make it in Hollywood.

Well, he's already 'made it', actually. That's why I was so confused when he took any interest in me. But I don't see him as some big shot actor. He's just... Him.

Genuine, laid back, smart and funny - he even has a (good) sarcastic sense of humour which, I've honestly never known of in an American national. Oh, he's good at playing guitar and singing too - a talent I never thought I would truly appreciate. He likes the same obscure, terrible bands that I do - but not in an obnoxious way. We connected through music mainly, but our mutual love of sport was the first connecting bridge.

Then, there's the fact he's a bit older than me... Quite a lot, actually. About 11 years to be exact. It doesn't bother me so much because I've dealt with older men many a time - they're easy for me to attract apparently. Talk about being born in the wrong era. They say I'm an old soul.

But he isn't like that. He's kind and mature and caring... All the things that those men in my past masked themselves to be. There's no manipulative tactics being used - he's just one of the guys.

I mean, I was kind of surprised when he didn't find it weird or emasculating for me as a woman to enjoy and follow major league baseball to the extent I do. I had only been in the loop for around 2 years at this point, but I have developed a clear interest in it - and apparently, we even have the same team.

I felt such a connection the first time we spoke about the players and other teams.

He gets me.

The man points to a large building with specks of light hitting off the glass. It's one of the biggest in the city - his talent agency.

"That's my office. Pretty clear from up here, huh?" he asks, smiling as he looks over at me from the steering wheel. Wow... He's so handsome, especially when the sunlight hits his face just right.

"I've never been a fan of heights but... This looks cool," I reply, sweeping my eyes along the skyline. I want to remember this view forever... Even if it doesn't work out between us - which it never does. I've never had much luck when it comes to dating. I always guessed I just didn't have an attractive aura or I was just... One of the guys. I was never tomboyish or anything, so I always wondered where this unwanted masculinity came from. I have PCOS, which could explain some of it, I suppose. I try not to think about it - because that's when my thoughts turn dark and I begin thinking I look like a man when I don't want to.

Amidst my rush of thoughts, I feel him staring at me, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. It makes me swallow and my body prickles anxiously.

"Whatever you're thinking... Please just say it," I whisper, feeling my heart beating faster. I bet he can hear it. "You're making me nervous."

He takes a deep breath, trying to mask his own awkwardness with a smirk. My guy is awkward in a cute way. He's clumsy and just does dumb shit without thinking - this week he pretended to spray something fruit scented into his mouth and actually did it by accident - remarking the false advertising because it tasted perfumed. I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. He laughed too - this loud, cackling clown laugh - and we continued laughing together, way into the day because it kept being brought up and we couldn't stop.

That thought quickly dissipates when I feel his hand reach over to brush my thigh, bare since I decided to wear a casual dress today. I panic, beginning to ramble about anxiety when he gently shuts me up by leaning close and teasing my lips with his. He always kisses me like that... I've never been kissed that way before. There's always a short, featherlight pass of his lips on mine - and sometimes that's the best part because my lips are so sensitive. Even something as simple as shower water grazing over them can set me off if I'm in the mood for it.

However, I've yet to decide if that's just his move or if he specifically targets me because he can tell I have such sensitive lips...

"Shhh..." He whispers, gazing into my eyes and reaching up for my jaw. I'm melting. I'm honestly melting.

"You wanna make out in the backseat?"

Ha. So American. No asking if I fancy a quick shag - no way.

I blush at first, but grin and laugh. I feel more comfortable around him now, I just lack confidence. Inside of me somewhere, is a sexy, fiery phoenix trying to get out... They just need some serious coaxing.

In my mind, the answer is already yes. We've made out many times before. It comes a bit more natural to me now.

I've wanted to get to fourth base for a while, though. Definitely, before I go home - but I'm just so unsure. So scared.

I'm a virgin.

I don't feel good enough - this guy could likely get any woman he wanted, I mean, he's rich, he's well known and well liked... he's probably dated literal models - so why settle for the likes of me?

However, I tuck that in the back of my mind, deciding to push myself to do this despite the gnawing, tugging feeling in my gut, behind my belly button. I've never had sex with a real person before - but I can't let him know that. Not when I'm as old as I am. He's about ten years older than me, sure, but I feel like that makes it worse.

God. I bet he's had so much practice over the years. He's probably slept with tons of women. It makes me feel so anxious. What if I'm not normal? What if I'm not up to their standard?

Does a beautiful model fuck different to a normal chick?

Finally, I clear my throat and reply, realising I haven't yet. He's so patient.

"Go on then, you first," I smirk, gesturing to the back. He presses a few times for the radio to go up just a little more, likely to put me at ease a bit, then squeezes through to the back seat. He's pretty skinny, so it's hardly some full on crush to get in there.

I'm next, getting my wide hips stuck a little on the way there, but ultimately laughing it off. Hopefully, that just makes me look all cute and not absolutely fucking goofy. I've got a fat ass as well, and it gets wedged into everything.

Stretching my arm to place my purse on the seat in front, realising I've brought it with me, I've barely even sat down before his skin is touching mine.

Holy shit. That's contact.

Warm hands touch my chubby thighs, cold from wearing a dress in November. The way he smooches me within an inch of my life - I can tell he's been holding back, by the way he's feeling every inch of me with his hands, beneath my clothes and along my thighs and ass, manoeuvring me into the position he wants. As I moan into his mouth, his tongue slips out and begs entry. Of course, my lips hardly put up a fight. I've slowly learned to let my hands wander over his arms and shoulders, to make things seem less awkward. He taught me to do that. Actually, he really enjoys it when I do that - it seems like something so simple, but it makes such a difference.

Oh... He laughed at first, telling me what a terrible kisser I was - he didn't believe me when I told him I'd only kissed a handful of people in my life.

"Huh? A cute face like that only got kissed like ten times?" he told me. He is such a patient guy, and an even better teacher. He's the one who taught me how to mould my lips to his without judgement. That's probably where he discovered my lips are sensitive from so much as a touch.

Without really thinking, I get brave and sling my leg over his to sit in his lap, facing him as we snog each other in the backseat. His hands are still feeling me up all over, moving only between heavy breaths and taking special interest in my black panties beneath my dress. I made sure to wear some good ones all week, just in case.

The seats are shuffling beneath our combined weight as we flit around in one another's arms, struggling to find a position that is comfortable to sustain and relaxing, too.

My body clearly feels so comfortable with this man, so why doesn't my spirit? How is a man supposed to calm a woman's spirit? Can he even do that?

I think he can. I swear I've fallen in love with him over this last week. Coming to America to hang out with him has been the best idea I've ever had.

I must have been zoning out and flagging a little since he pulls away briefly, instead trailing kisses down my neck towards my collar, sucking on my skin and forcing a louder moan from me in response to the pain.

I huff his name, and he unlatches, going to do another even deeper than the last, immediately.

"Mm... That fucking hurts..." I grumble, breathing through it with a bitten lip. I'm anaemic, so he probably shouldn't do that, but I don't care. I'll suffer the consequences later.

"Can't have you flying back without a piece of me," he smirks, nipping at me some more. Why is he so good at that? He's clearly enjoying it too, because I can feel his body reacting beneath my thighs.

"No, I suppose not," I giggle, making the mistake of matching his kind gaze. There is a spark between us. It's like our souls are speaking to one another.

Like he actually loves me. As in, the innermost me. I have never seen such an empathetic look in all my days... Could I really be loveable in that fashion after all? His hands are saying they want to break me, the way he's digging his fingers into my hips, pulling my skirt up some in the process... but his eyes tell me they want to save me, hold me, love me, take me... All together and all at once. Perhaps I'm thinking too deeply into this, but I've never felt this way. He makes me feel strange, like I'm going to die, but I just can't find it within myself to break away - because he also makes me feel so good.

Edging forward, he kisses me again - but with a different intensity from before. It's slow and passionate, far less feverish than initially. Fingers creep along my back, gradually coming down to my front, over my thigh and towards the inner part of it.

He hovers there, awaiting consent.

This is it.

I don't even give it because I swear I would be exerting more energy trying to speak. I just feel for his hand and guide it to my tingling mound as we kiss, trying to focus more on kissing than the delectable stroking of his slightly calloused fingertips in my panties. (He tried serenading me earlier in the week with his guitar, and of course I told him there was no such need... But I always wondered what calloused fingertips would feel like on the most sensitive areas of my body... His singing was cute too, of course. He sang something he performed in one of his first films.)

Along with the heightened sense of belonging as I squirm a little bit now beneath his ministrations, occasionally breaking the kiss to gasp or keen as he explores what works best, the lids of my eyes are beginning to droop slightly as I slip into what can only be described as heaven.

He's clearly used his hands before for things other than picking at strings and button mashing video games. My stomach pulls taut as one finger starts sliding its way inside me, somehow able to fight so gently against the raging seas that are my narrow walls. Initially, I tense up, but then remember I need to relax in order for it to work. He must have felt the sudden tightening, since he eases off for a moment.

"No, no..." I insist, taking a deep breath and shutting my eyes. "It's just a new sensation... I'm fine."

He seems a little guarded, but I've done this before with my own fingers and other such objects. The calmness just doesn't come very naturally to me. I have to remind myself at first that the initial discomfort is only temporary. However... Giving control over to another is different. I cannot control his fingers, all I can do is trust that he is patient and gentle with me - which I imagine he will be.

"You sure?" he says lowly, looking at me as if he's searching my eyes for some kind of celestial answer.

I'm sure.

With this, he continues to delve deeper into my velvet trap, watching my subtle facial changes and kissing my neck as he works his full finger inside to the knuckle, pumping it in and out gently. I'm so embarrassed, swearing I can feel his fingertip all the way up in my pelvis. It feels divine. I'm squealing because I can't help it and it's having such an effect on him. I think he's... Enjoying it. Getting off on it even. Then he speaks and that confirms my suspicions.

"Hm, wow... Noisy."

Oh. My. God. No. I want the car to just crush me, Optimus Prime style. I'm so embarrassed - but he's not. He's just grinning. That stupid grin. I swear that's what even pulled me into this situation in the first place.

There's a second finger poking my entrance. I change expression for a moment, but initially take that in, too. I don't know what the hell he's touching or how he's flexing his fingers this way, but I'm feeling actual sparks in my abdomen. I definitely can't get my fingers that far in. It feels amazing - and this is ONLY his fingers. I'm so hot and bothered, biting my lip. How am I even coping with this right now?

"Hhhaaa, fuck..." I moan breathily, whinging as I reach up to grip the carpeted ceiling of the car, my painted nails scraping over it as I arch my back into him.

"Is that alright?" He whispers, looking up at me with that same, longing stare from before. You can always tell when he wants something, because he has this thousand yard stare with a hint of softness - to anybody else, it would just look fucking creepy. But to me, it speaks pure desire. He's actually getting off on ME.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No..." I whimper, letting my head hang back as much as I can and trying to ease back some more, leaning back against the rear of the front seat and providing more room for him to work. Well, as much as I can. He's a skinny guy, all things considered. I'm short and round, so my thighs don't quite straddle over him completely.

There's a disgusting noise now beneath my dress which I can hear and feel but not see. It's making it so much worse. I am flushed. He is flushing. He's staring at my face and my bitten lip, trying to kiss my teeth away and stop my sound muffling.

"Oh my god, that's so good..."

I'm sure as hell flushed to fuck, redder than a lobster.

Oh, but that's nothing compared to my slutty whining. Despite my eyes being shut, I can feel his stare on my face, a toothy grin blooming on his lips as he watches me pant with bliss. I've only ever done this to myself before, so having someone else do it is tantalising. I never imagined anybody would be able to do such a thing. I've wanted this guy for a long time and that's possibly making this experience better than ever.

Slowly removing my hand from above my head, I slink it down between us, rubbing tight circles on my clit to propel things forward a bit. I'm tired of waiting. He's such a tease, and I am not used to teasing myself. I want this now. I need it now. I'll die if I don't cum on those slender fingers.

His lips press gentle kisses to the arm across me as if to encourage it away, and I feel myself growing closer, my ribs rattling against my chest.

"Ahh, shit... That's it-!" I squeal, biting my lip and still trying to muffle the noises coming from my throat to no avail. He's just panting, staring, appreciating.

"Ughhh, god... I'm gonna cum..." I try to warn. That's another thing I've never been particularly good at. Often, it just happens before I can stop myself.

But I'm too loud and he's breathing heavily, clearly more experienced at this than I am despite being unable to hold his own moans back as he works his fingers between my legs.

"Fuck... That's hot," he husks sensually against my ear. The sound of his American drawl and the feel of his beard is enough to send me over the edge.

Finally it happens, that gush coating his fingers in slick. I'm shocked at first, even embarrassed.

What if other girls don't cum like that?

Why am I even thinking this way? He wouldn't put himself through this if he wasn't even the slightest bit attracted to me, right?

I'm clawing into his neck right now.

He definitely doesn't seem phased... Not by my noise or my wriggling. Especially once the sparkles of my orgasm hit and I feel some... fulfillment.

However, I know that if he keeps up, I'll be unable to stop cumming - and I'm not sure I want to show him that side of me yet. After years of learning myself I've gotten to a stage where I know how far I can push myself.

Oh god, if he finds that out then... Then, he might beg me to stay in LA and I'm just not ready for that sort of commitment yet either! What would I tell my family? What about my life in the UK?

I know in my heart I would leave it all behind.

I'm still struggling to get my head around the fact that someone with such a following has taken an interest in someone like me.

I don't belong in Los Angeles. As much as I want to. As much as I want to belong with him. It's not like he belongs in my country either, really. His life is here. His job, his family, his friends... His shitty football team.

I mean, perhaps if he convinced me I was the one piece left that he needed...

Once my walls stop spasming, he gently pulls his digits out and that's what pulls me back again. Kissing me deeply, he takes care not to wipe his wet fingers on my clothes. Always so thoughtful. It actually brings me from my deep thoughts back into the real world and what's happening right now.

Going into his coat pocket, he pulls out some tissues he stashed there earlier, probably at the local coffee shop or something, making me giggle on his lap despite still being out of breath. He's so smart, sensible and mature. It's so him coded. I love it.

"That was amazing..." I gush breathily, craving more. I've started the obsession. I fucking knew this would happen. I'm going to be gagging for him on my flight home.

It feels a little easier now to push forward into uncharted territory, though.

Maybe, I won't look like a total fool trying to bounce and grind on a real dick for the first time ever... It can't be anything as embarrassing as the times I've tried in my bedroom, surely?

His hands trace the curves of my waist, seeking more, so I sigh and lean back, trying to remain calm. Full lips are peppering sweetness all over my neck again, making the skin of my cheeks heat back up.

"These marks suit you, y'know," he smirks. "I think I like them."

Why, oh why does he keep going for my neck?

"I want you..." He whispers, working me perfectly. Hearing it from HIS lips hits different.

This time, I waste no time and lean through the front seats again, rifling through my purse for some protection I've had stashed in there for a while. I have an allergy after all - another weird thing about me I figured nobody would want to deal with - so I just brought my own hoping it would help that burden. Maybe he'll just think it's some budget brand or something - god, why so I think so stupidly?

Oh no. It turns out men like it when you come prepared. It's a sexy thing. His eyes light up, and he looks between me and the packet with a gritted grin.

Holy hell...

With a hefty swallow, I place it into his hand. I'm not being lazy, I'm just submitting, I suppose. However, I reckon I would genuinely screw up this whole encounter somehow, so my external unease is probably obvious.

"I've been keeping these in my purse," I admit quietly, giggling nervously as I just try to say anything to fill the silence.

"Okay," he says simply. He says it in the dorkiest fashion, with the dorkiest, most clueless look on his face.

"W-Well I want to use it!" I stammer, waving my hands.

"I got that part, sweetheart," he teases me with a sly, mocking simper. The pet name honestly gets me feral. I need him now.

"Look, listen. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

He still doesn't talk. Instead he just takes my chin and pushes it enough to tempt my lips with his, choosing to encourage me physically. I'm not used to this. Not that I've ever really been outwardly judged before for such a thing, but why isn't he judging me?

Did I not explain properly?

"I've never done it before," I admit, blinking. Here it comes... I'm waiting for the distaste. The lecture about how I'm a walking red flag.

But it never comes.

"Cool."

That's what he says. He just smiles. He just nods. He laughs a little, but it isn't malicious sounding. It's more of a cute, excited laugh. A dorky laugh.

"I have to admit, I don't think I've had sex with a virgin since I was like, 19," he smirks, breathing a little more paced. "Oh man, this is gonna be kinda exciting."

He's such a dork. Is he seriously getting excited about this? I feel immediately more comfortable, even bursting into laughter myself. I feel so silly.

"So, you're not put off?" I ask, touching my red hot cheek.

"Put OFF??" he squawks, letting that goofy laugh he does rip from his throat. It's so not forced, which is how I know he's genuine. I love it.

"Hell no," he smiles, shaking his head and leaning close enough where my gaze crosses a little and I hold a breath. "No. No way. This is actually super cool!" He sees me swallow, and immediately lowers his chirpy tone. "O-Oh! I'll be gentle, I promise! 19 year old me remembers how nervous I was," he smirks.

A sigh. I think I'm in love.

"I-Ia'm not sure I want you to be gentle, honestly..." I huff, gazing into his eyes and explaining that I've built up a collection of toys over the years due to being perpetually single and generally untrusting of other people.

To say I'm surprised at his reaction is an understatement, once again.

He looks extremely ecstatic. He's buzzing. It's as if I just told him his birds scored a touchdown - because they're that shit.

"You seem aware of what you want. That's good. That's helpful," he explains, even gesturing with his finger as he speaks. "Less trying out weird stuff to see if you like it, y'know?" There's a pause, and his face softens up again. "I do care about what you want, you know."

I smile. If I wasn't so cautious and guarded, I would have grabbed him and kissed him there and then. But no... I have to go and make things weird.

"Hmmm... Well... Let me see. I can't do cowgirl on my knees, as much as I would like to. I have to squat because I'm so small. Um... What else..."

He laughs light heartedly, hardly bothered.

"How do you find out a thing like that?" he squawks through that laugh again.

"Oh, there's ways around that, honey," he insists huskily, and the serious tone in his voice paired with his scheming smirk does something to me.

He looks around, considering our surroundings. I mean, he seems to have a plan in mind. Clearly, this is not his first rodeo. These Capricorn men, man.

"Hm. Y'know, it might be a bit difficult with you on top, anyway. In here, I mean! I reckon you're small enough to lie back here," he instructs, trying to move enough to let me sink back onto the bench seat sideways. My legs are pretty short, so I'm able to hold them up around him, his skinny frame nestling between my ass and the side door. "And I'll just slink in here..." There's a rustle of clothes and a clang as he pulls his belt off, just enough to pull his trousers and pants to his knees, the rubber in between his teeth as he adjusts himself and takes me through what is about to be my first time. Wow, he looks so handsome when he's concentrating. I could lose myself in this face.

I wasn't expecting him to get undressed so quickly, though.

"Y'alrigh' 'own 'ere?" He mumbles, teeth getting in the way of his tongue as he speaks with the wrapper in between the white gnashers. Multitasking.

I go to speak as he sheathes himself - and REALLY wish I fucking hadn't. My eyes widen, since I can't seem to emote inwardly, and I see the size of what he's packing. It's different to how I expected, and I can't shake the image off. The slightly above average size isn't even what I noticed first, it was the weird twitching. I've never seen a real dick before. I'm grossed out, but also intrigued. He looks really swollen. It must be so uncomfortable.

"I'm fine," I huff, trying to think of something to blame to avoid looking like some super virgin at my age. (Despite the fact that's the truth, really. I never imagined as you got older, the prerequisite to being attractive went from sleeping with hardly anybody to at least knowing what you're fucking doing...)

Pulling his hoodie over his head, he exhales briskly as he throws it into the front, clearly getting worked up. He's really fit, especially his arms. I know he isn't stupid but... I hope he isn't expecting some fit little body under this dress.

"I promise that it LOOKS bigger than it is," he laughs, seemingly okay with dissing himself. Maybe it's his mature age, he's not some silly little boy anymore. There's no need for him to be insecure.

"I'm just... So embarrassed," I breathe, trying to save myself from further embarrassment. He doesn't seem concerned and I find it hard to believe. Taking my upper arms, he holds me up a bit, looking into my eyes as he sort of pant-talks.

"I promise, it's gonna be fine, I'm just... So... Fucking... Hard," he sighs, chuckling darkly and hanging his head. "I've wanted you for... Ages. And... This is what happens with long distance relationships, I suppose. I've not been with anyone for a few years, either."

That much is true. He lives here in Los Angeles, and I live in England. As much as I want to give up my life and spend the rest of it with him, I have some other responsibilities that I couldn't just drop and leave.

"Well, let's um... Let's go, then," I say, trying to shuffle back down with a face on. He takes the hem of my skirt and hikes it up, before remembering this is supposed to be my first time. Pulling his hands away, he holds them up in a surrender.

"Oh, I can do this right?"

I giggle breathily, agreeing with a nod.

"Um, okay. Cool," he says, his body clearly struggling to keep up with his brain. Pulling it up to my waist, there's a small gasp. A large hand moves to my hip bone, running over it.

"Wow, you've got really pokey hip bones. This is gonna bruise," he chuckles, continuing to stroke over my soft curves.

Taking a deep breath, I brace myself, most likely giving him a submissive look without thinking. I really don't understand why he's being so kind to me. Does he actually love me or does he just want to sleep with me that badly? Are all men like this? Is pokey hip bones weird?

I don't know why I think like this, and whilst he's always there to ping my fears back where they came from, it still haunts my head.

Taking initiative, I lie back some more, pulling my panties to the side and trying to adjust my position to make things more comfortable.

It's now or never.

He leans in, sensing my unease. Being sure to touch his lips to mine before letting the rest of him rub me where I'm sensitive, it's enough to make me huff a gasp into his mouth, and I almost scramble back at the sheer contact. Seems he was expecting that, though. He mutters some sort of horny praise, running his hands along my thighs slowly before gripping my hips and pulling me upwards to help the transfer. I wrap my fingers around his wrists, preparing myself for what is inevitably going to be a very uncomfortable stretch if it's anything like using a toy. Remaining close to my cheek and teasing my skin, he mumbles something about how I look uneasy. I appreciate that he is trying to make this as easy as possible, but it's also annoying me that he isn't just getting it over with. Like, just bang me already.

"It just always hurts the first time," I whisper quickly, to which he turns his head to kiss my mouth again. I can't admit to him that I've never taken a real dick. I just can't. He knows but I can't say it in this moment.

Rubber dicks aren't the same as real ones, but at least they don't talk back or judge you.

"It won't hurt if you trust me... I promise," he swears, gently pressing the head of his cock against my folds to test the waters.

As he pushes, it doesn't even slightly work the first time - if my vagina didn't make sure of that, my nails buried in his wrists sure did. He can tell how fucking nervous I am, my heart in my throat leaping out from under my skin.

"You trust me, right?"

I don't reply. Yet, he STILL seems unphased, simply huffing lightly and attempting the push again. It's a little easier this time, but he still isn't quite getting past the tight little ring of muscle yet.

I look away and shut my eyes, completely trying to detach myself from the moment, just for a second. Maybe that will help my body loosen up.

But he isn't going to allow that. He wants this to be the most beautiful, sensual experience... Even in the back of his car.

I just don't want to look stupid - that's if I haven't already.

"Hey," he whispers, brushing his crooked nose against mine and trying to bring me back into the present. "You need to relax, or this isn't going to work," he pants, his face flushing.

Taking the pad of his finger and gently swiping it over my damp folds, he keeps trying to talk me down. My jaw drops without me thinking, but he keeps talking.

"What are you scared of?"

I can't speak, especially not when he's now swirling his finger over my sensitive bud. It works some sort of magic and I feel as though my muscles are forcibly collapsing around him.

"Huh? Tell me. Are you scared it'll hurt?"

No. I'm not scared of that. I've fucked myself tons of times.

He asks if it's being discovered - a copper or a hiker maybe...

Ha. No. I don't really care about that, either.

Then what is it?

"I thought you might judge me... And it would be awkward and I'd just be..."

"Be what?"

"No, I can't even say it."

He cocks his head, following my every move with his eyes.

"S-Stop staring at me," I mumble, gawping up at him. He does this intense, creepy stare.

"I need to know what's on your mind before we do this."

"Why?"

"Because, it's a special thing. I don't want you giving it up for someone just because you feel like you have to."

I swallow. His hands stroke my knees, trying desperately to settle me somewhat again. He isn't just 'someone'. He's 'the one'.

"I've always been afraid of intimacy. Letting someone get close to me and seeing me so vulnerable," I admit. "Someone hurt me a long time ago and it's left me a little messed up."

"Do you trust me?" He asks seriously, staring into my eyes. "This isn't that big of a deal, I promise. Or... We can just stop." He smirks a little, trying not to laugh incase it has the wrong effect. "Believe me, in about ten minutes you'll be asking me why you bothered because it isn't that great," he giggles, making me giggle too. I do trust him.

"Alright," I sigh, feeling a bit more prepared. I lie back, tilting my hips up a bit to help the angle.

Taking the moment, he manages to inch in just enough to start breaking the wall down. I shift forward some more to help bridge the gap between us and trying to work out what the best angle is for this to execute properly. The groan that leaves his lips is the most spectacular sound I've ever heard. It's like a mix of absolute desire and relief.

"Oh my god... Fucking hell..." He grunts breathily, struggling to keep his breath level. "Aghh... That is tight. Wow. Okay."

"Sorry... Sorry..." I apologise with big eyes, not realising I'm just making it worse. He pants some kind of cute response back, along with a laugh.

"No, it's not bad! You can't help it. It's... Really fucking good, actually..." he slurs, trying to keep his hormones in check. "I-I-I take back what I said... You... You feel fucking incredible..."

Pulling right back, he thrusts in again, building up a slightly stuttered rhythm because he's so excited. I'm taking it, trying to stay relaxed but also squirming because it feels so fucking good. Having someone else drive into you is way better than trying to drive into yourself and having your arm get tired.

"Fuck, I've wanted you like this all week..." He groans between huffs, sounding absolutely desperate. "Well... Longer than that, really. Every time your name flashes up on my phone, I..."

He trails off, biting his lip as his brain finishes the sentence but his mouth doesn't. Wow... I've never felt so desired in my life.

I can't help my noise, but I swear that's what's actually getting him off and not the feel of my tight pussy.

"H-Harder..." I wail, gripping anything to steady myself. "I usually go harder on myself," I stammer, to which he complies, holding my hips to keep me close enough and stop it slipping out. There's the most disgusting slapping sound amidst our tandem moans and groans, but that's the last thing on my mind. His cock dragging along my walls is making me feel feverish. This is the experience I wanted. Mutual understanding and excitement.

Grinding my hips a little, I feel his face burying itself into my neck, like he's trying desperately to think of anything else and avoid finishing just yet.

"I ain't gonna last in this, babe... Jesus..."

I can barely reply, instead just moaning back with shuddered breath. Holding his head, I card my fingers through his hair and arch my back as pleasure begins building up in my core. He's slipping off the seat on his knees, so brings his leg onto the footwell to steady himself.

Then he calls my name.

"Get on your front for me, it'll be a bit easier," he says, pulling out for a moment to help me change position. I twist and bring my ass up, also using my foot in the footwell to try and steady myself.

"Like this?"

"Like that," he hums gently, holding my hips and pulling his meat between us again. It goes in much easier this time, and I'm liking this position. This is making me start to howl a little, my whimpers louder and louder as I use my hands to avoid battering the car door with my face when he thrusts into me.

I know he's fucking way too deep, but I don't care, it won't be like this forever anyway. As I think that, he finishes, groaning into my body and catching his breath.

Honestly, I would have been happy to leave it at that, despite the emptiness as he pulls out of me. However, he gently rubs my puffy lips with his fingers, causing me to shudder and almost jump a mile because I wasn't expecting it.

"Sorry! Sorry," he gasps, laughing into his hand. "I keep forgetting how jumpy you are.

"It's okay..." I mewl, my pitched voice muffled by my arm. My legs tremble as I approach another orgasm, his slow strokes helping me to calm down weirdly enough.

"I just wanted to finish the job, you know?" He torments, shaking his head from behind me and leaning forward with a chuckle.

"Yes..." I hiss, concentrating so he can rub me to completion.

"That's it," he praises gently, watching from behind as I bury my face into my arms and start wiggling my hips, silently begging him to hurry up.

We sit there in comfortable silence. I snuggle into his side, falling asleep in the warm car.

"We should probably be getting back soon," he says gently, stroking my hair. I hum some sort of response, and he calls my name.

"What?" I grumble, scrunching my nose and trying to go back to sleep against his soft hoodie.

"I said, I ought to be getting you back soon," he repeats, smiling. "You can't be falling asleep on me. I'll think you're cute and want to keep you," he teases, running a hand over my head. His voice sounds a tad sad. He's clearly upset about me leaving for home tomorrow.

"If you wake up, I'll go through the McDonald's drive thru on the way back," he persuades, laughing when I perk up at the thought of food.

Perhaps he really is the man of my dreams.

[heartache-myhearthurts]

Screaming Into the Nothingness

I don't know why I still have to have feelings for him. There's nothing special about him other than the fact that I think he's special. He's kind and smart and funny and when he has confidence, he's confident and he's a talented actor, which is so attractive as an actor myself and he has beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair which is like a sweet spot for me. Because I'm rarely attracted to people with blonde hair, but it's so pretty on him, and I love lighter coloured eyes, seeing as I have brown eyes. But even with all of these positives there are plenty of negatives that I just don't seem to care about. And even with all of that, all of those "reasons" none of them are mine. I don't have these romantic feelings for him because of any of those things. Maybe I did to begin with when it was just a crush, but it's not anymore. But I can't say that I love him, because boy if that's true that would hurt and if it's not then I will have been lying to the world and myself.

I just, I don't understand why I have to have these feelings for him when I don't actually have a real reason to. And it's not like these feelings are good for me. They're so intense and he does not feel the same way for me and even if he did it wouldn't work out because of some stuff, so it's not good for me to keep having these feelings for him. I also have a friend who feels just as if not much stronger for the boy. They tried dating, but it didn't work out which hurt her, and I can tell that it secretly hurt him a lot too. (We both knew we liked him at the same time far earlier, it hasn't gotten in the way of our friendship at all despite some events.) So, I feel guilty for still crushing on him so much.

This is killing me. I am crying over this stupid shit. I just want someone I have feelings for to finally reciprocate so badly, but I know that someone will never be him and that it's probably for the best if it never is him. I just want to love myself before I love anyone else. It's not fair.

[ivesambrose]

Pick a gif which tugs at your heart and/or evokes a long lost memory or a dream. 💙

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at jovescorpioreadings@gmail.com 💫

1.

2.

3.

1.

You've prayed for them, manifested them into your life. You've asked and received.

They've broken tradition in some way. Either in their family, social group/community or they will be the one who breaks your usual type.

A very good listener. Has a penetrative gaze, their facial expressions are actually very emotive. You'd actually find it fascinating.

Anytime they're stressed they'll go and take a walk or be out in nature. They gather inspiration from there as well. They value they quiet time but they also work well with others. They know several people likely but trust very few. Probably have this same set of close friends for the past several years. They don't really open up easily but their aura is comforting. Pretty non judgemental and grounded.

A leader / has latent leadership qualities in a group setting. (can have a strong Aries or Mars influence in them)

Might be into puzzles, board games, putting things together.

Experimental and changes their look often. But they pull it off brilliantly.

Looks really good in red and / or white.

Strong morals, strong sense of right and wrong. They could be going through something but it's not easily visible on their face. Could have an air rising (gemini, libra or aquarius) or can keep a poker face.

Very attractive. Since they do change their appearance often they have definitely bleached their hair at one point. Fair skin with a sun-kissed glow / tan to them. Broad - strong shoulders, narrow waist, strong legs. Might have played sports or is good at sports. This is someone who learns things relatively quick given how attentive they are.

I'm tempted to say they have daddy vibes. Yes even if they identify as female. They have the BDE.

Ambivert but leaning a little more towards the introvert side. However in social settings they do handle things well given their confidence regardless of how shy they can be. However once you get to know them they'd be very quirky and funny around you. The kind to randomly do a weird tik tok challenge but for you/close friends/cuz they felt like it and not the camera

Cinematography, cinema, editing, photography.

Well travelled, street smart and knowledgeable.

They love hoarding knowledge, you'd be surprised.

You'll meet them when you leave a place/location or situation that's been causing you stress and giving you more anxiety and repression than peace and progress. Highly likely during travel or once you've relocated to some place.

2.

Sensual. So damn sensual and captivating. They look unreal sometimes honestly it's intimidating.

Something about their voice is downright so enchanting and sexy. You can't help but feel attracted to them, it's almost annoying how drawn you feel. (possible lilith rising, could have scorpio and taurus or capricorn placements) I mean I wouldn't be surprised if they sing, have an asmr channel, are a speaker, spokesperson or representative etc

Very dreamy, rather spiritual as well. They definitely have faith in something that they feel is above them. They seem a little prone to really vivid dreams as well as nightmares. Might even be a bit clairvoyant or Clairsentient.

Secure in their business and career might own a business actually. Thing is there is a lot of goals they want to accomplish. But they're not the kind to stall it, they actively go for it. They don't care, they'll achieve it. Especially if you tell them that they can't, then they definitely will. However their ambitions aren't the shallow kind, they really do want to leave a mark or simply express themselves for how they are on the inside.

Either they look like a complete softie, care bear, mom friend or they look like a siren or what Christian Grey thought he was or they have the aura Eric Draven had in The Crow or Maleficent carries. There's no in between. They switching positions like that Ariana song.

They have the most kissable lips.

Highly likely have tattoos because they love the sensation of getting inked.

Tall, lean, Dark hair, dark eyes, beauty spots, really nice hands. Look really good in every shade of blue and green, black (definitely black) and even certain floral or geometric prints. They may also like wearing accessories a lot.

For some reason I saw a crown.

Emotional and intense, they need a creative outlet of expression or they shut down. Like, I kid you not they need to at least once completely lose themselves in something then come home and pass out on the sofa.

Expect a lot of thoughtful random gifts and display of affections from them. They're a bit possesive, I almost feel they can be a little bratty but oh when they look at you, they have eyes only for you. Talking to them is finding a best friend from a life you have no knowledge of but yet it feels right.

Sincere

Trust

Romantic

Passionate

Beach baby / loves the water. Doesn't really like the cold as much.

They may have a pet? They seem to be very good with animals.

You'd meet them when you feel really good about yourself, you'd be really feeling yourself or would have achieved something. Making travel plans or setting your next goals it might even be night. It'll feel perfect actually, right it happened at the right time. You'd be getting signs though but I feel you'd be preparing yourself for other exciting stuff to take proper note of them and boom it happens.

3.

An explorer, a seeker, a student who wants to keep learning, keep being a ray of sunshine in everyone's life.

They seek their soul family/found family or would really want a family of their own someday. Very good with kids likely or at most, very patient with different types of people.

Honestly if they were a Pokémon they'd be bulbasaur.

Regardless of their age they're very youthful, the inner child is intact.

They might dress very vintage or old school. Very laid back actually. Also something about walking barefeet on wooden floors came up. They look they belong in a old photograph / polaroid almost. I'm not getting much on their looks besides they look like they belong in a painting or old polaroid. They feel like home, they feel like laying in a field and relishing the golden hour, they feel the the type whose hand you'd hold and run off with. Red and browns are definitely their color, they pull of the muted tones really well. (almost thought of Taylor Swift's Willow music video)

Might have a strong aquarius and capricorn influence in their chart as well.

Their upbringing may not have been in the best conditions but they've worked very hard or are working very hard to improve their quality of life or give back to their family in some way. In some way they've turned their life around. They did a full 180. Crazy.

Deep voice. Warm whispers.

Honey in tea.

Carnations, lilies and red grapes.

They'd like to celebrate the little victories in their life with you. They get happy over the simple things so much, I can just feel my heart melt because of this person and their smile. They're so affectionate and kind and it's making me tear up almost. Wow.

Also they smell really nice. Flowery notes maybe?

They love touching foreheads.

Might play an instrument or paint.

Honestly, I kid you not. They feel straight out of a fantasy book. The closest characters I can think of is Westley from Princess Bride, Aurora from Maleficent and Belle from Beauty and the beast.

You'll likely meet them when you've shut out something toxic in your life. You may not even be looking for love, this might be after a break up even, you may even be escaping a situation or be away from a gathering and be around New people / faces you aren't as familiar with when this happens. Your anxiety will ease around this person. You might even had a passing thought or dream of this scenario before it happens but you'll brush off the thought thinking that isn't possible or something, then you'll be in for a surprise regardless.

[helloalycia]

teenage dirtbag [five] // wanda maximoff

summary: spending the afternoon with the Maximoff twins proved to be interesting... and prom night finally arrives!

warning/s: none.

author's note: here’s the final part to this mini series! i’m so glad you all enjoyed it and i appreciate every note i get, thank you 😊♥️ i’ve still got other wanda stuff in the works that will be posted soon, so stay tuned!

part one | part two | part three | part four | lil bonus bit for after p5 |masterlist | wattpad

After a few tries and encouragement from Pietro, I managed to win the black cat plush toy for Wanda. It was strange, her brother wanting me to make a move on her, but I guess it reassured me a bit to know he thought I was actually good enough for her.

The two of us headed to the diner next door to find Y/BF/N and the other Maximoff twin, myself hiding the plush toy behind my back.

"Finally, you two took forever!" Y/BF/N exclaimed when he saw us approaching their table.

"Y/N here is one stubborn girl with that machine," Pietro explained with a smile as we took our seats. His eyes fell to the drink in front of him. "Oh, you ordered!"

"Just the drinks," Y/BF/N said, before looking to me as I slid in beside him in the booth. "I got you a Cherry Coke. Your favourite."

I smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

"So, what d'you win?" he asked, quirking a brow.

Feeling the heat rising up my neck, I looked to Wanda who was sat opposite Y/BF/N. She was leaning on her hand as she stared at me with a kind smile on her lips.

"You said you wanted the black cat," I said nervously, before holding it out to her. "Here."

Taken aback, she raised her eyebrows but accepted the gift. "Aww, Y/N... you didn't have to!"

I shrugged, smiling awkwardly.

She grinned, studying the toy before looking up at me with sparkling hazel eyes. "I love it. Thank you."

Nodding, I glanced at Pietro who was grinning with pride before me. I could feel Y/BF/N staring at me and when I looked his way, he was smirking and wiggling his eyebrows knowingly. Rolling my eyes, I focused my attention on the menu to distract myself.

"So... what shall we order?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.

After relaying our order to the waitress, Pietro was the first to speak up.

"Okay, I have to ask," he began, leaning forward slightly as he looked between Y/BF/N and I. "Are you guys dating?"

I almost choked on my drink as I looked over my glass to see him grinning cheekily. He knew full well that Y/BF/N and I were only friends, so what was he playing at?

"Definitely not," Y/BF/N answered with a chuckle. Y/N here is practically my sister."

"Exactly," I added, giving Pietro a look that basically said I'm going to murder you. "He's been my best friend since we were kids."

"So there's never been feelings there?" Pietro continued to question curiously, leaning back in his seat.

Wanda slapped his arm gently. "Leave them alone, Piet."

"Never," Y/BF/N answered for us both. "Like I said, she's my annoying little sister."

I quirked a brow and looked to him. "Little? I think I'd be the older sister in this fake sibling relationship,"

"But I'm a month older than you," he stated like that was explanation enough.

"But you act like a child," I retorted. "I'd be the older one."

He rolled his eyes, though a smile was playing on his lips. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."

I rolled my eyes, too, before looking back to the twins. Wanda was smiling as she sipped her drink and Pietro had a mischievous glint in his eyes as he looked to me. What the hell was he thinking?

"So you're not interested in Y/BF/N," he thought aloud. "And you definitely weren't interested in me..."

"You made a move on Y/N?" Wanda asked suddenly, looking to her brother with knitted brows.

I breathed out through my nose, eyes falling to the table with embarrassment.

"Yeah, but she made it clear she didn't like me," Pietro said with a shrug, before looking to me again. "So who do you like then? Or is their a girlfriend we don't know about?"

Looking up, I saw three sets of eyes on me and I suddenly felt nervous. Y/BF/N and Pietro were watching with amusement dancing in their eyes as Wanda chewed her lip curiously, awaiting an answer.

"You know there's nobody, Pietro," I said through a forced smile as I looked to him.

His cheeky smile was still present as he said. "Really? I thought you mentioned someone back then. Whilst we were playing in the arcade."

Oh, boy, was he going to die.

"You misunderstood," I played along, before kicking him in the shin to shut him the hell up.

Of course, it was just my luck that the leg in front of me was actually Wanda's. She squeaked an 'ow' as she bent down to rub her leg.

"What was that?" she asked with confusion.

Pietro must have pitied me, having put me on the spot enough in the past two minutes, as he looked to his sister with an apologetic smile. "My bad, Wands. My foot just twitched."

I breathed out with relief as Pietro looked to me, trying not to laugh. He was lucky we were with company otherwise I would have killed him there and then.

—

I wasn't expecting to be hanging out with the Maximoff twins on a Saturday afternoon, but by the time dinner came to an end, I realised how much I enjoyed the day. And I think I could say the same for Y/BF/N, too.

The rest of our meal was pretty uneventful after Pietro's initial teasing, to my relief, and Pietro eventually quit it with the overt hints towards his sister. The last thing I wanted was for Wanda to feel uncomfortable, so I was glad he eventually cut it out.

At the end of the meal, Pietro and Y/BF/N offered to split the bill between them – something about chivalry not being dead, I don't know, all I knew was Wanda and I were getting a free meal so why complain? – and headed to the till to pay, leaving Wanda and I alone.

She was hugging her new black cat plushie on her lap adorably, making me smile.

"Aren't black cats supposed to be bad luck or something?" I asked, earning her attention.

She put her arm on the back of her seat, leaning her head on her hand as she gave me her full attention. "I didn't peg you for the suspicious type," she taunted.

I smiled. "I never said I believed it. Just what I've heard."

She chuckled, licking her lips. "Fair point... I don't believe it either. I just love black cats. They're so cute and get way too much stick for merely existing."

It was my turn to laugh. She had such a unique way of thinking that I couldn't help but be attracted to. Something as simple as the way she was smiling at me right now warmed my heart.

"How is your hand by the way?" she suddenly asked, eyes looking down to it.

I squeezed it into a fist and released. The purple bruising along my knuckles had turned yellow-green which meant it was getting better, but it did still hurt a little. Nonetheless, I didn't want to make Wanda feel bad, so I gave her a reassuring smile.

"It's okay," I said, making her look up at me with concerned eyes. "I mean, it hurts a little, but it's getting better."

She pursed her lips, nodding. "Nate really did deserve what you did. Bet it felt good."

I raised my eyebrows with surprise, certainly not expecting that. "I guess it did a little, but..."

"It's okay, I'm not biased," she promised with a slight smile. "We broke up, remember?"

I relaxed before mirroring her expression. "Then yeah, it felt pretty great. Karma for hitting me with that stupid football."

She chuckled, leaning back into her seat and clutching her cat. "Karma, indeed." There was a pause, before she grew excited. "So prom is coming up. How are we feeling?"

I groaned playfully. "We're feeling exhausted already. I'm not a huge prom fan."

She gasped. "Seriously? Y/N, come on, it's our last one! How aren't you excited?"

I pulled a face. "The concept of dancing in a hall with people I barely speak to isn't exactly appealing."

She straightened up, hugging her cat closely. "So what, you're not gonna go?"

"I'm not sure yet... Y/BF/N has plans to ask someone and really wants me to go, too," I admitted. "But I've not decided. I might just leave him to it."

She tilted her head to the side curiously, eyes studying me intensely. "What if somebody asked you to go with them? Then would you go?"

I tried not to laugh as I leaned my head in the palm of my hand on the table. "Nobody is going to ask me, Wanda. Nobody even knows who I am."

She scoffed playfully. "Now that's just not true. You're beautiful, Y/N. Funny. Kind. Intelligent. Someone is bound to ask."

I rolled my eyes, hoping to distract from the heat rising to my cheeks. I knew she was just saying all of that stuff to be nice, but God was I awful at accepting compliments.

She must have noticed as she leaned forward on her own palm, eyes glowing with entertainment. "Okay, what if you asked somebody?"

Appreciating the subject change, I leaned back in my seat. "I wouldn't even know who to ask."

She thought about it for a moment, before saying, "Pietro was being annoying earlier with all of that questioning, but he's right. Is there nobody you're even remotely interested in at school?"

I quirked a brow, wondering if she was serious. The way she was watching me patiently, a small smile tugging at her lips, made me believe she was. And I found that I couldn't bring it in myself to completely lie to her. So, I didn't.

"There's one person," I admitted reluctantly, swallowing hard. This piqued her interest as she sat up straight, an excited look on her face. I continued, "But I could never ask her."

She gave me an are you serious? look. "And why not?"

I tensed my jaw, smile fading at the thought. "She wouldn't say yes."

Wanda's expression softened. "I doubt that."

Feeling a little uncomfortable, I shuffled in my seat. "She wouldn't. And it's fine anyway! I mean, I wouldn't even know what to say. It's pointless."

"Try," was all she said. And in response to my confused face, she added, "Try asking me. Practice what you would say if I was this girl."

I shook my head. "Wanda, that's not–"

"Just try!" she insisted, sitting back in her seat and smiling encouragingly. "No harm, no foul, right?"

Maybe a little, I thought, but straightened up anyway.

"Okay, er..." I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling nervous as her eyes followed my every move. Looking up, I felt intimidated by her gaze, even though she had the softest smile and kindest eyes directed my way. "Wanda, would you like to go to prom with me?"

Without hesitation, she nodded. "I'd be honoured to, Y/N."

It was fake, this whole thing was 'practice'. But God, I wanted it to be real so bad. She held my gaze, confident and startling and wonderful all at once, and I had no idea what to do. My palms were getting sweaty and my heart was racing the longer she stared. My gaze fell to her lips at the wrong time, as she licked them and I wanted to lean in, wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her hard and tell her how I felt. I wanted to ask her to prom and dance with her in the school gym. I wanted to hold her hand and pull her close, staring into her eyes without fear of going too far.

I wanted her.

"Okay, we're all done here," Pietro's voice broke our staring contest. He clapped his hands together, stopping by the table. "You both ready to go?"

Wanda nodded, already sliding out from the booth. "I'm ready. Y/N?"

I looked up and forgot how to breathe when she smiled down at me.

"Y-yeah," I got out, wiping my palms on my jeans before sliding out the booth. "All ready. Let's go."

—

Prom came upon us in no time and I'd made the decision to attend. My sister ended up convincing me with Y/BF/N, the two of them rambling about how it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience and a rite of passage before graduating high school. As much as I hated the thought of attending, I knew they were right, so I agreed to go.

Y/S/N came over to help me get ready, as she was the one who picked my dress. I wanted to wear a cute pantsuit, not really one for dresses, but after her complaints – "you're really milking that whole 'I'm a lesbian' look aren't you?" – I agreed on a dress that she chose.

She helped me do my hair and makeup before taking loads of embarrassing photos of me at the door. I went to prom with Y/BF/N and his date – some girl he liked in his Maths class – which wasn't too bad, but I didn't want to third wheel too much, so I gave them space when we actually arrived.

The school had done a good job at converting the gym into something unrecognisable, I must admit. Plus there was food, which was always a good distraction.

Some acquaintances from some of my classes said their hellos to me and engaged in some quick conversations before moving on. Admittedly, it wasn't too bad catching up with people I'd shared class with over the past several years. Y/BF/N even had a few dances with me, both him and his date, which was sweet, but honestly, I still felt out of place.

Two hours in, I was already fed up of the experience, opting to stand on the sidelines by a cocktail table with a sad glass of punch. I definitely didn't expect to see Wanda approaching me with an impressed smile on her lips. I hadn't actually seen her since arriving, the place full of students and myself barely recognising anyone as it was, let alone in a full gymnasium.

"You came," she said when she stopped my table, eyes looking me up and down. "You look amazing, Y/N."

She was one to talk. I tried not to drool over how beautiful she looked. I assumed she'd be one to wear a dress, but I guess I assumed wrong as she was pulling off a burgundy suit and white blouse. Her hair was curled and left out, paired with a smokey eye makeup look that only complimented her eyes perfectly.

"Says you?" I replied with a smile. "You look gorgeous, Wanda."

She smiled bashfully. "Thank you... so what made you change your mind in coming?"

I laughed uncomfortably, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Partially forced by my family, partially felt like I had to."

She laughed alongside me. "Well, I feel like you made the right choice."

"Not too sure about that," I joked, before straightening up. "So, who was lucky enough to bring Wanda Maximoff as their date to the prom?"

She rolled her eyes at my compliment, smile on her lips still. "Nobody. I came alone. Well, alone but with my brother."

I was surprised at that, but tried to hide it with a nod. "Alone works, too."

"Says the girl who also came alone," she teased.

I couldn't help but smile with amusement. "Yeah. Says she."

Setting her purse on the table, she began to open it. "I was looking for you earlier. But I couldn't find you."

I watched as she fumbled around in her purse. "Yeah? And what did you need?"

After a moment of searching, she finally pulled out two slips of paper that looked like tickets. Holding them up with a small smile, she said, "I've got two tickets to the Paramore concert happening in the summer."

My jaw dropped with disbelief. "You're kidding."

She shook her head, holding them towards me. I accepted them, looking to see if she was pulling my leg. She wasn't.

"These are really good seats," I pointed out, before looking up at her. "You scored big time."

She laughed as I held the tickets out to her. Accepting them back, she said, "I did. And I bought them for a reason."

I raised an eyebrow as she watched me.

"We've got to get matching tee shirts somehow, right?" she joked lightheartedly before looking to me with certainty. Green eyes sparkled with hopefulness as she said, "Come with me."

My mouth went dry. She was asking me to go with her, holy shit.

I opened my mouth, about to speak, but she cut me off.

"Don't say maybe," she said, chewing on her lower lip nervously. "Say yes."

The music and the dancing students and the lights all faded into nothing as Wanda waited for a response, stepping closer to me, way too close to be platonic. I was overwhelmed, definitely not expecting this. Never in a million years did I think Wanda Maximoff, the most popular girl in our grade, would be asking me to see Paramore with her. I didn't even think she knew I existed! 

Her eyes darted between mine patiently, sending shivers down my spine. I could feel her breath tickling my lips as she waited and I looked down to hers, suppressing the urge to lean in.

"Yes," I finally spoke, voice barely a whisper as I swallowed hard. "I'll go with you." 

She nodded, but that wasn't enough as she licked her own lips. I looked back to her eyes, only to see her looking down at mine.

"Can I kiss you?" she muttered softly, making me freeze in place.

Her eyes looked back to mine, dark and patient. I managed to nod weakly, and she wasted no more time when pressing her lips to mine a in a slow, gentle, warm kiss. Her hand wrapped around my waist, tugging my body close to hers, as the other rested behind my neck, giving me goosebumps and turning my insides to jelly.

I closed my eyes, melting into her embrace, one hand planted firmly on her waist as the other rested on her chest. She tasted like peppermint and her floral perfume was infiltrating my senses, making my head dizzy in the best way possible.

When she pulled away, I opened my eyes and was immediately submerged in pools of green. Still so close to her, I kept ahold of her waist as she did the same with me, eyes flickering down to my lips once more.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time," I admitted breathlessly.

She looked to me again. "Why didn't you?"

Her lips were swollen slightly, red lipstick ruined. I could only imagine the mess on my own lips, but I didn't care.

I smiled nervously. "You were with Nate."

She tried not to laugh. "How stupid of me." Eyes falling to my lips again, she added, "I should have broken up with him sooner if it meant I could do this."

I smiled widely, heart fluttering in my chest at her words. Leaning forward, I took her bottom lip in mine, giving her a final kiss that was long overdue before pulling away.

"In case you couldn't tell, you were the girl I wanted to ask to prom," I said, stepping back slightly, but taking her hands in mine.

She bit her lip to contain her smile. "I figured... and for the record, I would have said yes."

My cheeks began to heat up, but I smiled nonetheless. "Well, in that case... Wanda, would you like to go to prom with me?"

She grinned. "I would be honoured, Y/N."

I mirrored her expression. She held out her free hand.

"Do you wanna dance?" she asked gently.

I accepted her hand, squeezing it gently. "I'd love to."

Before either of us could make a move to do so, we heard Pietro's voice shouting in the distance.

"Fina-fucking-lly!"

We turned to the left to see him racing towards us in his blue suit, a knowing smile on his lips.

"You took forever," he said with disbelief to his sister. "I thought I'd have to keep flirting with Y/N in front of you for you to get the hint and make a fucking move."

Wanda rolled her eyes, but I smiled as her cheeks dusted pink.

"And you!" he said, looking to me. "You're so oblivious it hurts."

"Wanda didn't know I existed before this year," I told him, half joking and half serious. "I had every right to be."

Wanda squeezed my hand, earning my attention. She shook her head. "That's not true. I always noticed you."

I gave her a knowing look. "Seriously?"

With an endearing smile, she nodded. "Seriously."

I sighed, looking away and definitely not expecting that. "Well, okay then."

She laughed, pulling me close and wrapping an arm around my waist comfortably. "I believe you owe me a dance. C'mon.

Pietro opened his mouth to speak, but Wanda merely pushed past him, guiding me to the dance floor.

"Not now, Piet," she said, before looking to me with sparkling eyes. "I want to dance with my girlfriend."

I was sure it was impossible for me to smile anymore.

"Girlfriend," I noted aloud, nodding. "I like the sound of that."

She grinned before standing opposite me, holding out her hand. And as I accepted it, I felt a warmth spread all over me that was only possible because of one girl and one girl only.

Wanda Maximoff.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt~ hoping you'll like it ♥️

Things between the Nie brothers are not always nice and happy, they fight, just like any other pair of brothers, and sometimes things are said, sometimes these things are heavy and painful. Sometimes they're said in the wrong moment (maybe at the eve of a battle? Sunshot campaign?) and huaisang doesn't know what to do with the broken look his brother gives him before leaving the unclean realm. Because what if he doesn't return? What if the last thing he said to him was how much he hated the man he became?

Labyrinth - ao3

“But I didn’t mean to wish him away!” Nie Huaisang cried out.

“That’s really too bad,” the goblin king said, looking pleasant and humble and charming the way he always did, even in his cape of glittering gold and high-browed hat. “I wish there was something I could do for you, but the rules are the rules. You wished him away, and I took him.”

“Aren’t you supposed to only take babies?” Nie Huaisang demanded.

“Your brother’s enough of a crybaby to count, it’s close enough.”

“It is not!” Nie Huaisang wrung his hands. “You don’t understand, the last thing I said to him was that I hated him! Meng Yao, please!”

“It’s Jin Guangyao,” the goblin king corrected. His smile looked a bit strained. “Listen, do you think I’m happy about this? He’s my sworn brother! I’m only doing what I have to –”

“Oh, save it for Lan Xichen,” Nie Huaisang growled. “Show me the labyrinth already.”

“You’re going to face the labyrinth,” the goblin king said. His voice was very polite, and yet still expressed significant doubt. “You.”

“Yeah, me!”

“You remember that it goes ‘through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered’, right? Not ‘through a nice teacher and a forgiving grading system’?”

“Yeah, well, your father is a fragging aardvark. Let me at the labyrinth already!”

-

“You know what,” Nie Huaisang said thoughtfully. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

The life-sized animated puppet blinked at him. “You – don’t want my help?”

“Nope. I’m good.”

“You haven’t even gotten into the labyrinth yet!”

“It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t have a chance to get in,” Nie Huaisang said, patting around his sleeve and pulling out a fan. “So I’m just going to walk over and beat at the wall till something happens.”

The puppet followed him, staring blankly. Quite a change from his original apologetic ‘I’m sorry, I’m busy with my own things, I really can’t help you, also it’s too dangerous and you shouldn’t go’ response.

“You were blackmailing me to help you just a moment ago,” the puppet said after a little. “Don’t you need a guide?”

“Listen, I’m bad at memorizing things and I’m a little useless, but I’m not actually dumb,” Nie Huaisang said, fanning himself. “Jin Guangyao is a demon of the mind above all else, and the labyrinth is supposed to be ‘fair’ – which means, more than likely, that the labyrinth is a reflection of the subconscious, specially tailored to each person’s strengths and weaknesses. And that means that you, who sound exactly like Lan Xichen, are almost certainly a set-up sent by Jin Guangyao to ‘reluctantly’ aid me and then betray me.”

“Uh,” Lan Xichen-the-puppet said. “My name’s Hoggle, actually.”

“Whatever makes you feel better, er-ge…A-ha!” Nie Huaisang beamed at the gates that automatically opened. “Perfect!”

-

“Oh, don’t go that way,” the worm said. “Never go that way. And are you sure you don’t want to come in for a cup of tea?”

“No time,” Nie Huaisang said. “Thanks a lot – wait.”

The worm blinked at him.

“You’re a pretty attractive worm, in a slimy sort of way,” Nie Huaisang said, frowning at him.

The worm blinked again. “Why, thanks!”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Is your name Su She, by chance?”

“Definitely not!”

“Mm. Oddly vehement of you. Never mind. Just, quick, could you tell me exactly why do I not want to go that way?”

-

“I don’t suppose straight ahead is an option?”

The hands-faces stared at him.

“I’m just saying, I feel like most of my problems so far have come from the fact that I decided to accept the whole concept of turns. It seems like a mistake.”

“…it’s a labyrinth,” another set of the hands said. “You have to make turns!”

Nie Huaisang shook his head mournfully. “I should’ve brought Baxia or something and just – ZIP. Gone straight through. You know what I mean?”

“I’m dropping you in the oubliette regardless of your decision,” the first set of the hands said. It sounded a bit like Sect Leader Yao. “Just so you know.”

“My life is so hard,” Nie Huaisang sighed. “So hard! Do you know what it’s like to be overlooked by everyone? Do you know how hard I have to work at being this useless?”

“Drop him,” the set of hands that sounded like Sect Leader Ouyang said, and the set of hands that sounded like Sect Leader Yao said, “Yes. Now!”

Down Nie Huaisang went.

-

“I can take you back to the beginning of the labyrinth,” Lan Xichen offered.

“What, and waste all that time? I have a time limit, er-ge!”

“It’s better than being stuck in an oubliette. That’s where they put people to forget about them, you know.”

Nie Huaisang’s eyes filled with tears. “You want to forget me, er-ge? You think I’m useless, don’t you? A good-for-nothing, who’ll never amount to anything –”

“Please don’t cry.”

“ER-GE! WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME!”

“Please stop crying!”

-

“So what’s the point of you?” Nie Huaisang asked the Wise Man with the Talking Hat.

“Not everyone exists to contribute to your storyline,” the Talking Hat snapped at him. “Some of us’ve got our own problems. Now hand over the candy!”

“Don’t be mean,” the Wise Man said. He had a white cloth over his eyes, and was smiling like he found the hat funny.

“Awww, but daozhang…!”

“Different plotline entirely, I guess,” Nie Huaisang decided. “Probably just here as a foil. Shall we keep going, er-ge?”

“I can’t believe you scammed me to get out of the oubliette,” Lan Xichen mumbled. “I can’t believe…”

-

“Oh, leave him alone, he’s just sensitive!” Nie Huaisang snapped.

“Am not!” the upside-down creature snarled, curled up on itself and trying to hide from all those that had been hitting him. Its fur was a vivid sort of purple. “Go away!”

“Don’t you have some sort of special power to help you here,” Nie Huaisang asked him as he tried to get him down before the goblins came back with weapons. “Rocks, maybe?”

“…lightning?”

“Well then get to it, will you?” Nie Huaisang frowned. “Wait. Lightning, constantly being tormented, terrible at communication, and purple? You’re Jiang Cheng, aren’t you?”

“…maybe.”

“Well then get down faster! I need to copy someone’s notes here!”

-

“Leave me aloooooooone!” Nie Huaisang howled, running away from the measuring snake.

-

“Wow,” Lan Xichen said, holding his cheek. “You kissed me.”

“You saved me from the snakes,” Nie Huaisang said. “Can we focus on how we’re in this awful stinking bog?”

“It’s not that bad!” a voice piped up. “I don’t smell anything!”

Nie Huaisang turned to stare, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course you don’t,” he said. “I bet the total absence of a sense of smell helps when you eat spicy food, Wei-xiong.”

“There’s nothing wrong with spicy food!”

“You’re short,” Nie Huaisang informed the small goblin-like creature with the big grin and the red ribbon in its hair. It looked vaguely fox-like, or possibly like certain large breeds of rabbit.

“Why you..!” Wei Wuxian crossed his furry little paws over his chest. “Just for that, I’m not going to help you.”

“Uh-huh,” Nie Huaisang said. “Really. That’s awful…oh no! A dog!”

Wei Wuxian jumped high into the air. “A dog?! Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! Save me!”

Much to Nie Huaisang’s surprise, a furry dog immediately darted out of nowhere – only Wei Wuxian didn’t seem afraid of it, but rather hid behind it, teeth chattering.

Truly, Nie Huaisang reflected, the eyes of love are blind.

“I think the ‘dog’ is gone now,” he said. “Your brave and noble Lan Wangji must’ve scared him away.”

Wei Wuxian’s head popped out from behind dog-Wangji. “Well, Lan Zhan is really cool…hey. Are you trying to manipulate me?”

“Is it working?”

“No!”

“So you won’t help me?”

“No!”

“Not even if it means you get to figure out a really tricky puzzle?”

“No – wait. A puzzle?”

“I can’t believe this is going to work,” Lan Xichen muttered from behind Nie Huaisang. “I mean, I can. But also…Wangji…I love you, but you could do so much better than this.”

-

“Ugh,” Nie Huaisang said. “I’m so thirsty.”

“Have some Emperor’s Smile,” Lan Xichen said, offering a jar.

“Amazing,” Nie Huaisang said, accepting it and taking a swing. “I had my doubts, you know, but you’re actually good for something after all, er-ge –”

-

The golden bird was Nie Huaisang’s favorite.

He’d worked so hard to bring it back to his aviary – it couldn’t be forced, he knew; it would play along at first but in the end it would turn on you and bite you. It had to be coaxed with gentleness and kindness, approached indirectly so as not to spook it, convince it that you really did mean well – that you were harmless, that it had no reason to fear you. It was arrogant, too, proud of its shining feathers and ashamed of the brown plumage of its chick days, which still remained visible on its tender underbelly. Ironically, that was Nie Huaisang’s favorite part of it, the soft and gentle part; it might not be as pretty as the gold, but it felt more genuine.

Nie Huaisang smiled as he brushed the beautiful feathers, and the golden bird allowed him. He felt cherished, treasured. So what if he had to hide all the sharp parts of himself to get this close?

It was fine. He didn’t like to be sharp.

He wanted to be soft. Soft and gentle, careless and free, relaxed and without effort, good for nothing –

Wait.

No!

-

“It’s all junk,” Nie Huaisang hissed at the pile of burning fans, tears in his eyes. “I want my da-ge!”

-

“You’re all right!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, helping pulled Nie Huaisang up.

“Huaisang-xiong,” Jiang Cheng said, looking relieved. “You’re back.”

“We have to go to the temple beyond the Goblin City,” Nie Huaisang said, teeth gritted together. “We have to. I won’t let that bastard…we’re going to go there and throw all his damned tricks right in his face!”

“Just us?” Wei Wuxian asked. “I mean, I’m awesome, Lan Zhan is fantastic, and of course Jiang Cheng is great, too, but…uh…there’s a lot of goblins in the city.”

“We’ll sneak in,” Nie Huaisang said. “He thinks he’s sidelined me entirely – he thinks I’m useless. He won’t be expecting me to get this far.”

“I can get help,” Jiang Cheng said. “I have friends.”

“…not to be rude, Jiang-xiong,” Nie Huaisang said. “But – really?”

-

“You know what,” Nie Huaisang said, eyeing the pile of rocks following Jiang Cheng around, each one painted with a name. One of the names was yellow. Two were in white, with forehead ribbons. “This is fine. I feel like it says something really rude about my empathy for and interest in our junior generation, or lack thereof, but you know what? I don’t care. It’s fine.”

-

“You saved me,” Nie Huaisang said blankly, looking at Lan Xichen, who shrugged, abashed. The remains of the mechanical temple guard were scattered all over. “Over – him?”

“Huaisang –”

“No,” Nie Huaisang said, holding up his hands. “Don’t. Don’t…I don’t want to hear you talk.”

Lan Xichen’s head dropped down and he looked at the ground. “You knew from the beginning what I was like,” he murmured. “I never tried to hide it –”

“I forgive you for being what you are,” Nie Huaisang told him, and Lan Xichen looked up at him, startled and pleased. “I forgive you for not having the backbone to stand up against Jin Guangyao for me – or for da-ge. For being willfully blind for so long, for needing someone else’s proof of his ill-intentions, for always picking him first, for never trusting me…I forgive you, even if you’d never forgive me for the same.”

He dashed away the angry tears in his eyes.

“I just wish this wasn’t a fucking metaphor.”

-

Nie Huaisang left the fighting to the people who knew what to do – Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng, even the rock-juniors – and went to the temple at the center of the city alone.

Some things, he knew, needed to be done alone, even if it was the type of alone when you were surrounded by other people. Even when those other people stood by his side and made him promise that if he needed them, he would only need to call. Some things…

“I want my da-ge back,” he said to the maze of stairs.

“Then go and find him,” Jin Guangyao replied, looking smug, and Nie Huaisang had to go up and down all those fucking stairs, because Jin Guangyao was nothing if not predictable with his trauma, looking all over, looking for –

Looking for pieces.

“It’s just a metaphor,” he whispered to himself, ignoring how tears were streaming down his face. “It’s just – I need to put him back together, it’s fine. I’m not too late – I’m not too late –”

-

Jin Guangyao held Nie Mingjue’s head in his hands, blinded and gagged and bound with talismans, pulled out of whatever oubliette he'd shoved it into to forget about what he'd done. “Beware, Huaisang,” he said, still smiling. Always smiling. “I’ve been generous up until now, but I can be cruel.”

Nie Huaisang laughed, scoffing. “Generous? What have you done for me that’s generous?”

“Everything! Everything you’ve wanted, I’ve done – I cared for you, I gave you attention, I got you out of work, doing your schoolwork for you and coming up with excuses to get you out of saber training. I gave you presents, fans and pretty clothing, and when that brute of a brother of yours tried to take them from you, I rescued you. And then I even managed your sect for you, answered all of your questions, any time you had – Huaisang, I’m exhausted trying to live up to your expectations of me. Isn’t that generous?”

Nie Huaisang bared his teeth. “Half of those are burdens that only fell on me because of you. Why should it matter to me that cleaning up your own mess and satisfying your own guilt is hard? Why should I pay such a price when all I wanted was to be your friend? When all da-ge wanted was to be your friend? How dare you, Meng Yao!”

“Huaisang…” Jin Guangyao shook his head mournfully. “Huaisang, the last step here is to say the words to break the spell. But you were never good at memorization, were you?”

Nie Huaisang bit his lip until he drew blood.

“Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered,” he said. “I have fought my way here to the temple beyond the goblin city –”

“Huaisang, stop! Look at what you’re risking here. You know how everyone loves me – do you think anyone will forgive you for taking me down, for tricking them all? You’ll be all alone!”

I already am, Nie Huaisang thought.

“My will is as strong as yours,” he said. “And my kingdom is as great…”

His voice trailed off.

“I ask for so little,” Jin Guangyao said beseechingly, convincingly, looking just like he always did, like the man who'd been their friend. “Just let me fool you, and you can have anything you want. No responsibilities, no stress, a life of your own. You can even have Lan Xichen, if that’s what you want…”

What’s the last line, Nie Huaisang thought, hating himself for being such a poor student, for cramming things into his mind without any order, for never being able to retain a single drop of it no matter how hard he tried. What is it? Why can’t I ever remember?

“It’d be so easy,” Jin Guangyao crooned. “Much easier than this. Just fear me, love me, believe me, and I’ll be your slave.”

Sharp teeth in a false smile.

Nie Huaisang shook in terror. He couldn’t – his da-ge needed him – he couldn’t be afraid, couldn’t be a coward, couldn’t be good-for-nothing – couldn’t let Jin Guangyao win – couldn’t let him –

That was it.

Nie Huaisang raised his head until his eyes met his enemy’s.

Sensing something wrong, Jin Guangyao’s eternal smile dimmed, and he began to step forward, reaching out, but it was too late.

“You have no power over me,” Nie Huaisang declared, and the world within a world collapsed.

-

Nie Huaisang opened his eyes.

-

Nie Huaisang sat in his desk in the Unclean Realm, trying to amuse himself by trying to figure out what exactly he’d eaten the night before that had given him such bizarre dreams. It was not successful, on account of him being alone.

Alone, just as he had been every night, and every day as well, since the success of his scheme at the Guanyin Temple.

Just as the dream-Jin Guangyao had threatened.

It wasn’t that Nie Huaisang regretted what he had done – the dream was clear enough about that; he’d do it all again in a heartbeat if he had to. But in the dream he’d been working alongside his former friends, with Lan Xichen betraying but then returning to him, with Wei Wuxian dragging Lan Wangji around, with stone-faced Jiang Cheng and the rather interchangeable junior squad behind him…and in his dream, in the end, they’d let him go to take his revenge, telling him that if he needed them for any reason, he could just call.

Just call, and they’d come back to him. Instead of turning from him in disgust, they’d stand by his side…

“Stupid subconscious,” Nie Huaisang mumbled to himself. “What do you expect? That I'd write to them and say ‘for no real reason at all, I find that I rather need you’?”

Silence answered him.

“Well, I do,” he said with a sigh, putting his chin on his hands. “Does that make you happy? I do need you.”

“You do?” Wei Wuxian’s voice rang out, and Nie Huaisang jumped nearly out of his skin. “Well, why didn’t you say so?”

Nie Huaisang turned, staring: it was Wei Wuxian at the door, the human version of him, and of course there was Lan Wangji right before him, and Jiang Cheng, and the (still mostly interchangeable) juniors, and – and even Lan Xichen, who Nie Huaisang was sure had gone into seclusion with no intent to leave.

“What are you doing here?” Nie Huaisang squeaked. And why hadn’t any of his sect disciples warned him?

“We just bullied our way though the door before anyone could stop us,” Wei Wuxian said cheerfully, answering the unspoken question first. “As for the rest – it turns out that I had the strangest dream the other night, really, truly bizarre, and obviously I had to tell Lan Zhan all about it, except it turned out he had a strange dream too.”

Nie Huaisang’s jaw dropped. “But –”

“I felt da-ge’s qi woven into the labyrinth,” Lan Xichen said quietly. “I thought it’d have long ago dissipated or been locked away, but – it was there, in every stone, in every turn. Every obstacle that didn’t really hurt you, every goblin that was more silly than scary…he was there. It was unmistakable.”

Nie Huaisang swallowed. The story of the labyrinth, baby-stealing wish-granting goblin king and all, had been one that Nie Mingjue had told him as a bedtime story, when he'd been a child in need of comfort; he hadn’t thought of it in years before last night. “But…why…?”

“Because Chifeng-zun has a demented sense of humor?” Jiang Cheng suggested, looking irritated.

“Jiujiu means that he hasn’t had that much fun in years, and also that you should throw a party,” Jin Ling said. “You are hosting all three of the sect leaders of all the other Great Sects. Also, why were we rocks?”

“Uh, no idea,” Nie Huaisang said. “Da-ge’s weird sense of humor, no doubt! Anyway, did you say party? I can do a party!”

He rushed out of the room, calling for his servants, calling for them to bring food and wine and tea, and as he did, he looked out of the window – a golden bird was flying away, looking hunted as if something was chasing it, and even as he watched, it crossed the borders of the Unclean Realm and suddenly dissolved into a fizzle of golden dust.

Nie Huaisang put his hand on the stone wall, and felt a familiar echo.

A very familiar echo.

“Oh,” he said, to his servants, feeling somehow simultaneously sheepish and filled with joy. “And while you’re at it, can you bring me my saber? I seem to have – misplaced it…”

[themoonmunchkin]

Don't look!

Pairing : Bakugo katsuki x gn!reader, Midoriya Izuku x gn!reader, Todoroki Shoto x gn!reader.

Genre : fluff

Warnings : insecure reader, cussing, savage deku?, kinda angsty but overall super fluffy ^3^

Synopsis : you're insecure about your side profile but they're having none of it.

Not gonna lie, he probably wouldn't even have known that this was an insecurity that people had.

So when you first start dating he wouldn't think much of it when you cover your nose while laughing or when you contour your jawline extra hard.

Until one day you start letting your thoughts get to you again, you think about how everyone around you have such a beautiful side profile.

You start wondering why Katsuki even bothers to be with someone as "ugly" as yourself, I mean has he seen his face.

But anyways you start distancing yourself from the world again, start hiding your face with your hair, have mental break downs in the night, refuse to take pictures and completely shut him out while thinking you're being subtle.

But no, no, no- my mans noticed...and he's currently having a full blown panic attack on the inside.

He's really worried at this point and starts thinking about what he's done wrong, he tries to talk to you but you're always making excuses and running away from him.

Now, he's had enough and so he quite literally barges into your dorm room and demands an explanation as he keeps shouting at you until....

.....he takes in your tear stained face with fresh tears forming at the corner of your eyes.

You were seated on the floor with a hand mirror clutched to your chest, the same one that you use to point out all your insecurities in, your phone is on the ground next to you with a picture of a model, her perfect side profile on display...the same one that you always compare yourself to.

Cue in a confused, angry and sad boom boom boy 😔.

Who the fuck had the audacity to make his baby cry hmm 🤬.

But then his anger vanishes just as it comes and before you knew it, he's shut the door behind him, quickly walks upto you, swoops you into his arms and cradles you in his lap.

"Ssshhh....its ok baby, I'm right here". Bakugo softly coos in your ear while running his fingers through your hair and letting his other hand rub your back. "Talk to me honey, what's wrong?"

You pull back a little and look up at him into his pain filled eyes that still hold so much love for you and that's when you tell him everything.

You tell him about how you've always hated your nose, how you've always wished you'd had a more chiseled jawline, how you've been bullied about your side profile by your peers and how you've never felt good enough.

He still doesn't get it because you're genuinely the most stunning person he's ever laid his eyes on, but understands how this is something that seriously bothers you and so he's gonna do everything in his powers to yeet those insecurities out.

Now Bakugo isn't one to lie or sugarcoat something, but he's also not someone who'll let you sit and hurt yourself like that.

He takes a deep breath, cups your cheeks in his hands and looks at you with the most earnest look on his face.

"Listen here baby, you're right maybe you don't have the most chiseled jawline or the sharpest nose out there-"

You winced at that a little but he was quick to speak again.

"I'm not done yet-" he closes his eyes and thinks for a second, words have never been his thing as he's someone who prefers actions instead but right now you needed more than just a kiss or a hug, you needed security and reassurance, so he takes in another deep breath and opens his eyes to look at you again.

"-just because you don't have those doesn't mean you're any less beautiful." He said with a smile as you curiously looked at him. You looked so damn cute to him all he wanted to do was pounce on you right then and there, but he held himself back for your sake and the next things he said made you fall in love with him even more.

"What you have suits your gorgeous fucking face, you don't have to change for any stupid extra and no one's opinion, not even yours is going to make me view you any differently or make me love you any less." He leaned in and gave you a chaste kiss on your lips that pretty much took your breath away and then he pulled back with a cute blush on his face.

"So from now on only listen to me okay and no matter what-" he kisses you again and pulls back a second time "-I will make you look at yourself the way I and so many other people look at you".

Now he's had his fair share of insecurities and he's had a lot of people call him "plain looking" (which I still don't understand how when he's got some of the rarest and most beautiful features) even then those words about his looks have never really got to him.

But when it comes to you, he immediately knows something's up with all those self-deprecating jokes you apparently find to be funny.

Doesn't question you cause he doesn't want to scare you away, also because he trusts you to come to him if something is wrong.

But alas you and your stubborn ass refused to seek help from anyone and instead you chose to cope with yourself by putting yourself down in the form of those awful "jokes".

You've always tried to get yourself to stop this, but it soon became more than a coping mechanism, it was the only way you could hold yourself up without wanting breaking into peices.

That was dangerous.

But it's ok! It's still all fine and dandy until one day everything changes and you realise that all that self-deprecation didn't do shit.

Its Sunday today and you and your boyfriend Izuku have been walking around the shopping plaza for a while now.

The two of you were on a date, but you were also on a hunt for the new all might merch that your boyfriend has been fangirling about since forever. So far there was no luck on your end but y'all weren't about to give up just yet.

"OMG! I think I see it in there!" Izuku squeals cutely while pointing at what looks like a moderately big comic store that had an emo cyber punk looking aesthetic to it.

*Gasp*..."OMG! I think I see it too!! Let's go!!" and with that you grabbed his hand and were dragging your blushy stuttering mess of a boyfriend towards the store. It was adorable how easily he got flustered even after how the two of you were almost half a year into dating.

The two of you finally reached the store and stepped in, there it was the brand new neon tinted holographic Allmight figuring with working layers. Izuku's eyes sparkled as he ran towards it and immediately snatched it off the shelf.

"Yay we finally got it!" You cheered as you walked over to him and gave him a high five. The two of you had bright smiles on your faces as you talked about the figuring and walked towards the counter to pay for it.

You looked towards the counter where a young girl who looked about your age was working as a cashier, she had this bored expression on her face until she saw your boyfriend and it immediately changed into something you could only call as a flirty expression.

"Hey there handsome~ what can I help you with today~" she said in a sultry tone and gave him a wink. You and izuku were both puzzled at the fact that she not only just openly flirted with your boyfriend but also completely ignored your existence.

"U-um....er....we just need this figuring please". Izuku placed the box covered figuring on the counter and was about to pull his hands back when she quickly grabbed them and cupped them with her own hands.

"You sure, how about I give you my number and we ditch this place to go get coffee."

"Um -uh no thank you, I have a s/o!"

"Hmm...I don't see them."

"Well I'm right here and maybe you'd have seen me if you'd stop flirting with your customers and did your job properly." You said and at this point you were seething because even though she knew you were right there, she hadn't spared you a glance and pretend like you were completely invisible.

"Oh, so that's who you are....I was wondering why such an ugly person would be hanging out with someone like him-" she pauses and looks into Izuku's eyes with a bored expression "-you need to raise your standards, I mean have you looked at how hideous their nose is or how ugly their face is."

The two of you froze. Sure You've always made fun of yourself before but this was the exact reason why. You've always told yourself that if you'd make fun of yourself, you'd be desensitized to what others say to you but it's only now you realize that no amount of preparation would ever be enough to handle the real thing.

Shame. Humiliation. Pain. Fear.....This is what you felt at the momen-

"How. Dare. You." You turned towards Izuku and for the first time ever you were met with the most terrifying expression on his face. His eyes were dark and he looked...mad....like really really mad and you froze, the cashier looked like she was about to cry with the look he was giving her.

"I don't know who you think you are but you had no need to say whatever you just said and you are wrong because they have the most gorgeous facial features ever." at this he turned to you and softened his eyes a bit, he reached for your hand and gave you a gentle squeeze.

"I promise you sweetheart, you will always be the most beautiful person in my life and no one can tell you otherwise-" he looked at the slack jawed cashier with disgust and pointed towards her "-not stupid people like her-" he looked back into your eyes like you were the only two people in the store and pointed towards himself "-not me and lastly never will you ever tell yourself those kinds of words again even as a joke, got it."

Always openly staring at you in the most respectful way ✨.

Even before y'all started dating he would always stare at you in secret, but hey! it's not his fault you were so irresistibly attractive all the time.

Uhm...so moving on, he is observant as heck especially when it comes to you but unfortunately he's just as oblivious T_T.

He's always noticed how you'd get shy and walk away whenever he'd stare at you for too long and genuinely thinks it's adorable at how bashful you get.

But truthfully.....you're mortified, paranoid even at how much he stares at you.

I mean yeah it's adorable to see him so whipped for you but you're always wondering if he's secretly bashing your side profile in his head and the thought makes you wince ever single time.

But you always tell yourself to not let your insecurities define Shoto or effect your relationship and besides Shoto isn't a cruel person, he'd never think of you that way.....right...?

Oh God, he's doing it again, he's staring at you and this time it truly is terrible because he is seated right beside you. The two of you are seated wooden chairs, side by side in the U.A. library.

Your textbooks and notebooks are spread out on the table in front of you. You're in a more secluded part of the library opting to study in a more private area and boy oh boy did Shoto take advantage of that.

"Shoto, could you please stop staring at me like that". You held your textbook upto your face and looked the other way.

"But I want to look at you". Shoto pouted slightly and furrowed his brows at your actions, he reached for your wrists and tried to pull them down and to much to your inconvenience, he succeeded.

You see, while you still had a bunch of work left to do, Shoto had finished about 15 minutes ago. You told him to go back to the dorms but instead of listening to you, he denied your offer and has been staring at you with the most unreadable expression on his face.

"Why can't I admire the one that I love the most". He slightly tilted his head towards the side and flashed you the most genuine smile. Damn him for being so adorable but that's not enough for your insecurities to go away.

"Because I'm ugly". You finally said softly with your head hung low and tears threatening to fall. You wanted to shrivel up in a corner and fade away for sounding so vulnerable but at the same time it felt so good to let your thoughts out.

"You're....what..." His eyes were wide and his jaw was set a slack. Now this took him by surprise, he had expected a lot of things but never once had he expected....that. He gently grabbed your chin and tilted your face to meet his. "Love, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met, why would you ever say that."

"Because I'm not beautiful, everyone has such a gorgeous face especially from their side. I don't and you don't have to lie to me to make feel better about myself. I know I'm ugly and I'll always be that....just let me accept that and be Shoto." You said with your voice slightly raised and shaky from the lump in your throat.

Shoto's eyes darkened a little and his grip on you tightened a little but not enough to hurt you. To even think that someone as precious as yourself could ever have such awful thoughts about yourself- how long have you been silently suffering like this all by yourself.

He cupped your cheeks with his hands and met your eyes with the most determined look on his face. "Darling, I don't know who said that to you or even if that's an inside voice but, I will absolutely never let you accept yourself this way."

"Everything about you is perfect, from those gorgeous eyes that i always get lost in," he kisses your eyes.

"-to that perfect nose that helps you breath so you could live by my side another," he kisses your nose.

"-to those delicate beckoning lips that I wish to kiss forever." he finally captures your lips in a breath taking kiss just to slowly release them and look at you.

"And besides, you know better than to call me a liar baby, you know that I would never lie when it comes to you so let's pack up for today and let me show you how much I love you and how utterly enticing you are."

[ringobean]

Chapter 6 is here, enjoy :)

Meanwhile 2nd part

Only George, John, Eline and Luna remained in the living room. After having a last drink, Eline went to bed, it was a pretty serious and reserved girl, it was a month that she had just met her boyfriend, during one of our evenings at the cavern club and he came often to see her, Luna was her opposite, she was a party girl, who liked to go out and collect boys, she was warm-blooded and had no taboo.

"It seems that everyone has gone to have fun except Eline who is always so serious, are you tired, boys?"

"Not really, I'm still a little bit shocked by everything I've learned today," says John

"Same for me," says George

"Don'y worry guys, now that you know it, you can change everything when you'll be back! Now let's have fun too, im gonna put some music  to give intimacy to the lovebirds, and we are going to play a funny little game. "

She came back with a bottle of Manzana and 3 shot's glasses.

"What is this? Says John.

"It's a spanish apple liquor, it's really tasty and sweet. So we're gonna play to a new sort of truth or dare game.

The first player has to tell a truth, a true truth) on their behalf, beginning with the phrase: "I never ..." For example, "I never slept with my mother ". If it happens that one of the players has already slept with his mother, he must drink his drink."

"Ahaha sounds funny" says George.

Ok so let's start, i begin" says Luna.

"I have never been physically attracted to someone of the same sex"

George and John drink their glasses.

"Aaaw really guys? Tell me more?"

" i must to admit that i have already look at Paul's ass even if im not queer" says John.

"Same here with Ringo, im not queer either but I find him attractive"

"Ahah, yeah they're pretty attractive, and its not my 2 friends who would say otherwise, seen the good time they are going through."

"Yeah they're pretty loud" says John.

"It's your turn John"

"Ok, i have never had a threesome"

Luna taken a drink, they both look at her with wide-eyed eyes.

"And so what guys, come on, we're in 2019, now women can have fun without to be a whore"

"Have you done it many times?" George said.

"yes 2 or 3 times, it's your turn George"

"Hmmm ok, i have never suck a cock"

Luna taken another drink.

"Ahaha very funny, George, it's not fair, you want me to drink all the bottle alone"

"Not at all, love, but it's a funny game"

"be careful, I'm going to avenge, its my turn, i have never fuck a pussy"

Boys both taken drink.

They continue to play a little until they get really tired and drunk, they lie on the sofa bed, Luna slipped between John and George and kissed them one after the other.

"Thanks Luna, you really made us have a good time," says John.

And they fell asleep all 3 entwined, they were too drunk to do anything else.

The next morning, I wake up gently, in the arms of Ringo. He was really handsome, I often phantased looking at his pictures, but none was as beautiful as reality, and I couldn't help but stay a moment to admire him, then kiss him, he opened the eyes.

"Hello Love"

"hello, cute little bean, I have to take a shower"

"can I join you?"

"yes, of course come"

We had to go into the living room, to go to the bathroom, and I saw Luna well surrounded. Ringo whispered in my ear:

We are not the only ones to have had a good time it seems!

ahaha we are used to this kind of situation with Luna.

Then we went into the bathroom, turned on the water and undressed.

"you're so fucking gorgeous (y / n), i love you!"

"love you more, Richie, you're really handsome too"

then I took his hand to go under the water, he pressed me against the wall of the shower and he made love to me with passion, the feeling of the warmth of the hot water on our bodies was really fantastic. I was really addicted to this man. After we have finished showering and dressing, we went back to the living room where almost everyone was awake.

I was a little embarrassed cause I wasn't really discreet last night.

But how else to do with a sex god like Ringo in my bed. While i was going to kitchen to prepare breakfast, Luna and Eline joins me to help me, then Luna laughs at me, "so you had a good night?"

"As good as yours," I said with a wink.

"oh no for once I stayed wise, i was too drunk."

"But I saw you half-dressed among the boys, it's not you who moaned as loud as me tonight?"

"Hmm no, it was our little Michelle."

"No way, i can't believe it, she did it with Paul?"

"as you can see it's the only two missing in the living room ..."

"But she already have a boyfriend" says Eline.

"And so what, she's right, she's young and her boyfriend is miles away, you should get a little more fun," said Luna, tapping Eline's butt.

"you're so crazy my poor Luna "she says Rolling her eyes.

We brought breakfast to the living room, Paul was out of Michelle's room, and she must have been in the shower. The boys were laughing at each other and must telling each other about their crazy night, I served them, and Ringo grabbed me by the waist and sat me on his lap, kissing me. Michelle came out of the bathroom, a little embarrassed joined us, doing as if nothing had happened, they smiled at each other, not like Ringo and I who spent most of the breakfast to kissing. I had never been so happy in my life, and I really wanted to enjoy him before he left and resume the course of our lives.

it was time to get ready to leave, a long day was waiting to send the boys home, we had to go to London to meet this scientist.