#it's not even 9pm yet love how normal my brain is

[big-urchin-energy]

forming parasocial relationships w fic writers who are nice to me in their comments again

[humiliationstories124]

New college friends get a show

My junior year in college, I went for a study abroad program in Australia. This was a big step for me. I was a naïve farm boy from rural Pennsylvania. I had never been on an airplane before. My mom is afraid of heights; my dad is afraid of water. That combination meant that any family vacations were limited to short jaunts in the car.

My social development was a bit hindered by my upbringing. Growing up, my mom's best friend had been a duck. I, myself, wasn't quite that sheltered, but I still had missed out on many of the social opportunities of my peers. My mom was a neat freak, and thus never let me invite any friends over.

So, going to Australia was my first opportunity to escape the (over)protective wings of my mother. Maybe 10,000 miles was overkill -- but I had gone as far away from home as possible. The "you must be home by 9pm on weekends" and other assorted rules imposed by my mother would no longer apply.

Although I was now free of my familial restrictions, I was still a shy guy. I hadn't yet learned how to be comfortable in social settings with other people. For the most part, my Australian experience consisted of going to class, going to the beach (by myself), and teaching myself how to cook.

One thing I learned through my Lonely Planet Guide was that there was a nearby nude beach in Swanbourne. It was just a bus ride, followed by a short train ride, away. It became my escape. The farm boy in me loved nature. The introvert in me was uncomfortable among people. But, I could venture off to the beach by myself. The beach was never really that crowded, and I could set myself up on a towel and enjoy some solitude, either reading a book, watching the waves, or just taking a nap.

I really didn't make that many friends at university. A few times, people invited me out, but the shy guy in me said "no" even though I didn't have any plans.

Many of my classes were quite large; i.e. 200 students in a big theatre-type classroom. It was easy to blend into the crowd and go un-noticed. However, one of my classes (cross-cultural psychology) had just 15 students in it. It was a late afternoon class, and thus was probably half comprised of "non-traditional" students at the university, which did cater to a large commuter population (as opposed to residents like me).

In the class, we would often arrange our chairs in a circle and have group discussions. In my other lectures, I could safely avoid being called upon. But, in a class of just 15, you really couldn't hide. So, this was really the first opportunity that a small segment of my classmates had an opportunity to get to know me, as I presented my ideas in class.

Following one of the classes, two guys asked me if I wanted to go grab a drink. My brain was thinking "no", but for once, the inner introvert was overruled. I guess it was helped that these guys seemed "normal" in class, and so I conceded.

They took me to a bar in Freemantle. With a few drinks, the conversation began to flow a little more easily. It was obvious (from my accent) that I was an American, and they asked the typical questions about where I was from, how I liked Australia, etc. One commented on my tan and cautioned me about the hole in the ozone above Australia. I acknowledged that I was aware of the hole, but I just loved the beach too much. The other asked me what beach was my favorite. I replied, "Cottesloe."

"Oh, are you sure it isn't Swanbourne?" the other asked me.

"No, I don't go there," I said, blushing.

"Are you sure?" asked the other.

I don't know why they were pestering me with such questions. I was embarrassed to admit I went to a nude beach. I pretended that I had never been. However, for some reason, I sensed they knew otherwise. Maybe they were scholars of psychology and I was not a good liar? But, then I started questioning myself -- maybe they had seen me at the nude beach? Was that possible? I had no recollection of ever seeing them there.

It's probably no surprise, I was still a virgin at this point in my life. In fact, I really hadn't even contemplated my sexuality. I assumed I was straight. I had no experience to back up that assumption. I also had no experience in identifying if others were gay. Well, basically, I thought all gay men were like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Yet, something about these two men from my psychology class made me start questioning. I ran through various scenarios in my head, and I concluded that these two men were boyfriends.

I really can't explain how the thoughts in my brain evolved. I was confused by the interest of these two men. Was it just the Australian friendliness, and I was reading way too much into it? No one had ever really gone out of their way to befriend me before, and while I was confused, I was also becoming aware that I liked the attention.

Sometime before the next class, I concocted a "scheme". Granted, it wasn't all that well thought out of a scheme. It was a chess game, and I was only thinking of my next move. That afternoon, I put on a scooped tank top. It was my favorite tank top. It was probably more appropriate for the gym than for a class, but then again, everything in Australia was so relaxed (many students even went barefoot to class). The deep arm scoops in the side of the tank top gave good visibility to the sides of my pecs when I raised my arms. And, although I was no muscle god, years of working on the family farm had given me a lean body that, admittedly, I enjoyed looking at naked in the mirror.

I also wore my favorite pair of umbro shorts. Designed to allow unrestricted movement while sprinting during a soccer game, the umbros had considerably wider leg openings than most shorts. I had modeled these shorts in front of a mirror many times before. I knew that, when positioned just so, it was easy to see up the leg holes of these shorts.

So, for that next class, I deliberately selected a seat in the circle sitting directly opposite my two new friends (they always sat side-by-side in class). The classroom was just a circle of desks/chairs, with nothing in the middle. I knew that the two guys would have the ability to take an unrestricted view up my shorts. But would they even look?

I can't even recall what that lecture was about. I was focused on my 'tease' of the two guys. I didn't feel threatened by them. I knew they were boyfriends, and thus they weren't seeking something sexual with me. But, if they liked to look, I was going to let them take a peek.

My suspicions were rather quickly confirmed. I would look over to either my left or right when another student was speaking, and when I returned my vision straight ahead, I would notice the two guys quickly looking away from me.

We went out to drink after the class and several that followed. These guys were becoming my first two friends. A couple times we went to bars, and I learned of the Australian custom of "shouting". Basically, if it was someone's birthday, they bought the entire bar a round. It was a nice surprise of getting a free drink and not even knowing the person.

However, my 21st birthday was approaching, and I was nervous. I was finally coming out of my shell. You only have one 21st birthday, right? But, I knew that I couldn't afford to buy a round of drinks for an entire bar. So, I was contemplating staying in on my birthday.

Ryan and Paul knew my birthday was coming up, and at first did not understand my apprehension about going out on my birthday. "Don't worry. It's custom -- but you don't *have* to do it," Ryan explained.

"Oh," I said, feeling quite relieved.

They arranged to pick me up on Friday night and take me out. Rather than the typical sports bar where we went and watched footy (or rugby), they said they had a different place in mind.

The first thing that struck me when we walked into this place called Connections was the drag queens. I asked Paul, "Is this a gay bar?"

"Yes, it's a gay bar. But, in Australia, it's not like America. Both straights and gays go to the gay bars. Straight people come here because they love the drag shows," Ryan replied.

Still, as I looked around, this bar seemed to be about 85% men. And some of the women -- I wasn't entirely sure they were women.

Perhaps I hadn't thought far enough ahead in this chess game. I had assumed that Ryan and Paul just had "friendly interests" in me. Why did they bring me to a gay bar?

So, we walk up to the bar. Ryan greets the bartender, who appears to know him. "Guess what, it's our mate, James's birthday," Ryan says.

"Oh, so a round on you, eh?" the bartender says, looking directly at me.

"No, no. I can't," I say, turning to my two friends.

"But, you have to. It's your birthday," says the bartender.

"I can't," I reply, beginning to think how miserable my 21st birthday was becoming.

Ryan turns to the bartender and says, "I guess we have to invoke the exception alternative for James."

"Alternative exception?" I ask.

"On your birthday," the bartender says, "you have one of two options. Either you shout a round for the bar -- or you strip to your birthday suit!"

"Wait -- what?" I stammer.

Ryan replies, "Yes, those are the two options."

"Oh shit!" I think to myself. I look around the bar. There's probably 150 to 200 people. But fortunately, I don't know any of these people...well, except for Ryan and Paul. I didn't have anywhere near enough cash on me to buy a round for the whole bar. It was apparent I had no other choice.

I took off my shirt.

"Wait," the bartender said, "You're stripping?"

"Yes," I replied meekly.

The bartender then turned around and reached up and rang a bell. "Birthday boy in the house!" he screams.

Oh man, this was way more attention than I had expected. Now it seemed like all 200 people were looking at me. Although, I guess at first, they were scanning the bar trying to figure out whose birthday it was. But, I presume that became apparent as I started taking off my shirt.

"Take it off. Take if off!" a few guys started chanting from a nearby table.

I can't say that I gave a seductive strip show by any means. Instead, it was really more of a 'get this done as fast as possible'. I unbuttoned my shorts, and pushed my shorts and underwear down. I was wearing flip-flops, and thus it was rather easy to step out of my shorts and underwear. I put my clothes on the barstool next to me.

I noticed Paul pick up my clothes and hand them over the bar to the bartender. For my safekeeping, I presumed, so that no one would steal them.

Not even Ryan's giving Paul a high-five made me realize that in fact, *they* were stealing them.

So, at that point, my hopes for my 21st birthday became 'sit at this bar, with my back to everyone, and drink until it's over.'

However, Ryan and Paul would have none of that. First, they insisted we play a game of darts. I couldn't help but feel that the patrons at the bar were taking more than the typical level of interest in an 'USA vs Australia' game of bar darts.

Then, they insisted we should dance. At first, it was line dancing, and I managed to hide near the middle of the floor. For some reason, though, the 1 or 2 lines of people in front of me would seem to fall apart as the song continued, and I found myself in the front line as we 'boot scootin' boogied' on the dance floor.

Ryan asked me what my favorite song was, and I replied, "It's Not Right, it's OK" (Whitney Houston).

Ryan went to the DJ and made a request. Next thing I know, "my" song is playing. Paul points to a box (a stage/platform) and tells me to hop up. "No, no. I can't," I protest. But, Ryan and Paul each grab me under one armpit and hoist me onto the stage. I can't help it; it's my favorite song. I danced.

For some reason, whoever was the lighting/stage manner at the club, instead of rotating the light around the dance floor like I had usually seen done, was instead shining the light directly at my box. It was kinda blinding, to be honest.

Then the unexpected happened. Well, I guess it shouldn't have been too unexpected. When I used to dance alone, by myself, naked in front of the mirror at home, as I would sway from side to side, my dick would become longer and longer, until it became hard.

Whitney was doing it to me again. The beat was too catchy. And I could tell that as my penis was flopping around, I had reached the 'point of no return'. As much as I was trying to mentally stop it, the floodgates had been released and inflation was a one-way proposition at this point. By the time the song ended, I was pointing nearly straight up (like 11pm on a compass dial).

I jumped off the stage, and Ryan and Paul caught me. Each one managed to catch an arm. At that moment, a young man walked up and asked if he could take a photo of the three of us. I started to say "N...", but Ryan had already said "Yes" to the guy. Paul was on my left; Ryan was on my right. The way I had landed, I had wound up with one hand on each of their shoulders. As I tried to move my hands to cover my privates, Ryan and Paul each gripped one of my arms pinning it to the back of their shoulders. "Oh my god," I thought to myself, "This stranger is taking a picture of me completely naked."

Then, Paul pulls his phone out of his left pocket and hands it to the stranger. "Can you take one with my phone, please?"

"No way!" I thought to myself. It was one thing if it were a stranger, but this is a person I know. These two guys -- my classmates -- are going to have photos of me completely naked. But, in a couple instants, it was over, and the phone was back in Paul's pocket.

I don't remember much more of that night. I know there were a few more times that guys walked up to me, or more often to Paul and Ryan, and asked them if they could take a picture of me. At that point, I had become numb to it. The alcohol had loosened me up a bit. "What, you've never seen an American dick?" I teased one guy as he stood taking photos of me.

When the night was finally over, I walked up to the bar and the bartender handed me my clothes. A young man sitting at the bar asked me, "In America, is it a tradition that a guy strips naked in a bar on his birthday?"

"No, not in America; it's not," I replied.

"Then why did you do it?" he asks me.

"Because it's a custom in Australia," I reply.

"No, it's not," the young man says.

And then I notice that Ryan, Paul, and the bartender have the biggest, shit-eating grin on their faces that I have ever seen in my life.

[ushidoux]

Good Teacher - Sugawara x Reader

Summary: You meet Sugawara on an online dating app expecting something tame, but get more than you expected. (~3.1k words)

Warnings: fem pronouns, fem!reader, some features are described ***, dom/sub dynamics, collaring, daddy kink, breathplay, dacryphilia, spanking, edging, toy use, restraint use, sub drop

A/N: Again, this was a commission so some features are described!! Otherwise, please enjoy my first longer BDSM fic.

---

Being alone in your bedroom at 9pm on a Friday night may have felt like a loss on any other day, but today, with your phone buzzing non-stop and every neuron in the sexy parts of your brain firing, you could not think of anything else you would rather do.

Well, actually you could think of a few, and most of them involved slipping out of your pajamas and slipping under your new flame.

Sugawara Koushi.

A name like that sounded sweet. Maybe even bland. Safe.

When you’d swiped right on his profile on the tamer of your social media apps, you’d expected someone mild-mannered and easy to speak to. He was an elementary school teacher with soft features, white hair and a cute mole under his left eye. He couldn’t possibly be as forward as the other guys you’d dealt with over the years. A tame, responsible choice.

You’d started texting back and forth quickly, with polite, formal introductions which progressed to cute messages and long phone calls, and you’d even managed a very chaste first date where he’d picked you up at 8pm on the dot and taken you to a fine restaurant on the water.

You normally would have expected to be dicked down that night, and had paired sexy lingerie under your silky mauve dress for exactly that, but you weren’t too surprised when he left you at your doorstep with a peck on the forehead.

The only unsettling thing about the kiss was the way his eyes had lingered on your lips, just as his fingers trailed the curve of your jaw as he tucked your hair behind your ear. It was too practiced, too… dominant.

You suspected he was holding something back.

And he was, because once you’d ventured to call in the middle of the night, a little bit tipsy and yearning for a little bit more than a smile and a gentle touch from him, you’d broken some sort of dam.

He’d called you a needy, desperate, pretty little slut, desperate for Daddy’s cock but needing to prove herself that she was willing to ride with Daddy’s very, very strict set of rules first, and you’d practically cum at the sudden turn of his voice.

Now anything was fair game.

I have… particular taste. Are you sure you can keep up, princess?

The warmth between your legs and the image of full balls and a weighty, rigid cock told you, you would absolutely be ready for anything he had in store for you. 

Yes, daddy. I’m up for anything you want.

You, of course, couldn’t see the wide smile spreading across his face on the other end, as he palmed his cock slowly while reading your texts and admiring your nudes, and texted back:

We’ll need a shit ton of rope.

---

Sugawara’s hands are much larger than you’d anticipate, and rougher, and you wonder how much of it is due to high school athletics or from the fact that he’s quick to slap or spank you at any chance he gets. Your skin is sometimes red, sometimes bruised, and always marked, and it’s exactly the way you like it.

The first time you have sex, he starts you off as though you are the most shy of virgins even though you claim that you’re not exactly inexperienced.

“I wouldn’t want to break you, pretty girl,” he teases, as his hands worship your body, tracking down your waist to the center of your legs, and patting your cunt softly. Today, he’s promised to focus on your pleasure only because he wants to “break you in.” You wonder how many he’s “broken in,” then you realize you don’t really care. You’re his one and only princess right now, and you intend to be for quite a while. 

The pleasure of being a good dom is that he can choose to serve - he can choose to be doting and he can choose to be harsh with punishment. Since it’s your first day since you’ve entered this contract with him, he’s decided to focus on the catering part of his personality, and familiarize you with his desires.

The rose-gold Turian collar on your neck compliments your skin well, he takes note, as he takes one of your nipples in his mouth and leans you against him while you are seated on the edge of the bed and he’s kneeling just so before you, fingers deep in your cunt.

“You’re gonna keep that pretty little thing around your neck, aren’t you, pretty baby?”

His fingers move so fast that it’s hard for you to speak, and the arm that’s wrapped around your waist and keeping you flush against him is tightening the longer he continues. He’s a lot stronger than he looks, you know from every heavy spank he’s given you.

“I-I will, daddy, every day and every night,” you pant out, your tongue lolling as his fingers curve upwards and his lips leave your nipple with a soft pop and make their way to your quivering mouth.

“Good,” he whispers as he bites your lower lip. “You’re so obedient… I like that in a little one,” he affirms.

---

He’s kind when he teaches, patient even. 

He’s also generous; he gifts you with your first corset, a dark, lacy and tight thing that almost takes your breath away initially, especially when he tightens it onto you himself. Even if it’s constraining, you feel empowered from the very moment you look in the mirror. Your breasts sit high, and you spin once in a gesture of delight; he kisses down your neck as you admire yourself.

“This is only to get you used to a little bit of restriction,” he reassures, as he pulls you into his lap. “But I can’t deny that you look breathtaking.”

---

Since you’ve been so bold as to take his breath away, it isn’t too long until he decides he wants to see what you look like when you’re truly struggling for air. After all, the little shiny thing around your neck catches his eye way too often for his comfort, and his pants suddenly feel too tight for a casual grocery store run.

Your safeword is red, like the blood that courses through your veins as his fingers tighten around your throat.

He thumbs your pink, puffy lips, and it would be loving if he wasn’t calling you a stupid little cocktease.

“Pretty little bambi, prancing around like you’re free to be with anyone other than me.”

The breath that tickles your face is a taunt, because you’re slowly getting lightheaded, barely able to focus on the long index finger he’s commanding you to suck. 

The pressure he puts on your neck is varying; for moments you can draw a single staccato breath, which encourages him to press his lips to yours and absorb you in a kiss before he reapplies pressure; his naked body presses against yours, rolling painstakingly slow. He hasn’t even entered you yet.

Breathplay, he calls it.

You gasp as his cock slips into your wet entrance just as fast as his hand leaves your throat, and he too draws a deep breath as he fills you to the hilt. 

He lets out a soft laugh as he caresses the hair that is sticking to your face, and readjusts himself yet again - of course, he’s also better endowed than you’d expect him to be - before he picks up speed and chokes you again.

---

“I… Kou-”

“Daddy,” he stresses, unphased as he continues to press a small clitoral stimulator to your tender, overworked bud.

“D-Daddy~” you cry out in a soft, drawn out whine, and you shift a little bit because the ties that keep your ankles attached to the legs of the chair, your pussy exposed and vulnerable with your crotch wide open, are starting to dig into your skin. But you can’t move all that much, there’s additional rope around your waist that keeps you against the back of the chair and you think the soft satin that keeps your wrists behind you is probably overkill, even if you have to admit you like the color.

“Yes, sweetheart~” he whispers in a voice accented with assertive sweetness, his eyes still lowered and focused on the heave of your chest as he watches you drip before him.

“I-” 

You scream.

He’d angled the toy upwards, and somehow within the small bundle of nerves he’s targeted an even more precise cluster of endings - there’s a flash of white you see before you cum practically violently, lurching forward so rapidly that he has to keep the chair steady so that you won’t fall over on the pretty little face he adores.

It’s possibly the fourth time he’s had to ground you in the past hour, and it’s an act of mercy because he had been edging you repeatedly, forcing your pussy to clench desperately around nothing but air.

The way you gush and spray so lewdly onto the chair, onto the floor, onto the hand he plays on your sopping wet pussy reminds him he chose very, very well.

---

It’s nearly silent and it’s dark now, far too dark for you to see. 

Your Koushi has prepared you for this next step lovingly, sometimes not so lovingly over the past couple of weeks to build up to this.

The blindfold that obscures your vision is soft and slightly sweet smelling, as though spritzed with a floral scent about a day ago prior to this. Again your hands are bound, but he’s used lined handcuffs instead of ties, and your wrists are before you, not behind you. 

But you’re lying on your belly, a spreader forcing your thighs apart. He must really love the way your pussy looks staring him in the face.

“You seem to be a glutton for punishment, princess,” he says, accenting his words with a hard slap on your inner thigh. You gasp, but his hands linger tighten, and are then followed by what can only be the press of his tongue against the stinging portion.

“Daddy, I’ll behave, I’m so sorry,” you moan as his hand grips a generous portion of your asscheek.

But you won’t behave, because you’ve learned that Suga likes just a touch of bratty behavior and that gets him quite physical with you. He knows this just as much as you.

He slaps your ass fervently, the slight jiggle drawing a pleased sigh from his lips.

“You’re a silly little slut, though…” he starts, rubbing a hand along the length of your thigh, “how can I trust any of your promises?”

His finger travels to your open center, and when he sees you tense up, he stops.

“You need a firm hand to guide you always…”

His right hand curves again around your cunt and his middle and ring finger finds its way into your slippery hole, while his index taps your clit and his little finger (he’s dexterous like this), taps ever so lightly around your asshole. 

You shudder.

“Arch your back, you little cumslut. Make it easy for daddy.”

As you inch backwards slowly using your elbows and knees to rise up, his right hand continues to move with you, but then his other hand lands heavily on your other asscheek.

It breaks your concentration and you almost fall because it takes quite a lot more energy than you would expect to move this way with your hands bound and your legs spread, but you persevere. 

For him.

Before you can whine once you’ve gotten into position, he withdraws his hand from your cunt.

“No!” You find yourself shrieking before you realize. You can’t have him edge you again, he’s absolutely cruel, you can’t…

“Oh, I thought I called the shots here, princess,” Sugawara reminds you, voice honeyed and cruel. You can feel his fingers weave into your hair and the warm tip of what must be his cock prod at your entrance.

“Sir, please~”

“Beg.”

He spreads you open with a hand massaging your ass, again tapping teasingly all around your vagina, but he won’t push in to give you the pleasure of having his cock inside you.

Your heart is pounding with desire.

“Please!”

“Please what?”

“Please fill me up, daddy!”

That statement of desire earns you an inch, an inch that makes you swallow saliva hard and your muscles tense with need and want.

“M-more, more please!”

“You’re so demanding. I would say your eyes are bigger than your pretty little pussy, but you can’t see, can you?”

He laughs, but he pushes in further another inch, than another, moving painstakingly slow, slow enough that you’re biting your lower lip until blood is drawn. The stretch is achingly delicious but it leaves you starved for more.

You’re begging and whining, and soon you’re trying your best to sink onto him further but he’s got you restrained for a reason.

“Greedy little bitch,” he murmurs, but he kisses your neck lovingly as he fills you to the hilt.

The unmistakable noise of flesh hitting flesh and minimal friction fills the room but you care less about sound, only about the slap of his balls against your cunt as he thrusts into you from behind.

More. Deeper. Faster. Harder.

He’s a master at drawing desire out of you, you wonder if you even needed these toys and ties and other accoutrements. You’re already so utterly wrapped for him. 

---

There’s a movie playing on your screen that you had both been pretending to watch, cuddled together on the couch, your legs resting across his lap. You had barely gotten through the opening credits before he pulled you onto him fully and had you straddle him.

“You want a snack, pretty baby?” He whispers, as though it weren’t just the two of you staring in each other’s eyes.

Your eyelashes bat and you nod.

He doesn’t break eye contact while he reaches for a strawberry, fresh from the farmer’s market you’d strolled through this morning, from a bowl set on the table. 

This one is drizzled in chocolate, and he runs it along the length of your collarbone, eye contact still heavy and unflinching before he dips down to catch it in his mouth.

It hangs out halfway from his teeth and he cues you to take it from him mouth to mouth. You split half of it, letting the sweet tartness permeate your senses.

His arm hooks around your waist and pulls you in close as he presses his lips against yours. You weren’t aware of the glob of strawberry-flavored saliva he’d collected until he draws away, tilts your head back and tells you to open up wide so he can spit directly into your mouth.

---

“Swallow.”

Suga’s relentlessly pounding an erect, frustrated and thick cock into your mouth, past your teeth and down your poor throat, and he’s close to his release now, you can tell by the way he’s now pressed your face so far against him that his carefully cropped pubes prick your face.

He’s warning you beforehand, and you’re thankful for the warning because when he cums with a soft, almost angelic moan, his penis jerks inside your mouth ever so slightly, and there’s a gush of hot, slippery liquid that slides down your throat.

You breathe through your nose. He tastes sweet, maybe it’s because of the strawberries from just earlier today, but nevertheless it’s a pleasant liquid you gulp down around his cock.

He loves the way your throat feels when it clamps around him, especially when you initially gag once accepting his cock.

You’re perfect.

“Come up, darling,” he bids you, pulling you up from your position on your knees.

“Are you gonna fill me up, daddy?” You mewl softly as he lifts up and carries you before laying you on your back.

“Yes, pretty baby, but let me taste your juicy little cunt first,” he says before he dives in between your legs.

---

“You’re so good for me, you know that, don’t you?”

He kisses your neck softly as he holds you close to him while you lay in bed together. It’s close to 1am and he’s focused on aftercare, caressing your arms and waist and the curve of your hip gently. You’re facing away from him, not because you’re upset, but because you’re exhausted.

He’s worried you’re having a sub-drop; after all, he’s spent the last two hours slapping your face and calling you disgusting. He wonders if you forgot to use your safe word.

You’re new to this and he’s put you through a lot in the past few weeks.

“Sweetness,” he whispers, directly into your ear. “Look at me?”

You turn, cheeks still flushed from particularly hard slaps. His heart aches a bit for you, because those sweet lips are pulled downwards into a frown and he’s not sure if those are fresh tears that wet your eyelashes. 

He kisses your eyelids then rests his chin on the top of your head.

“Are you doing okay, my princess?”

You nod and reach for his face with your fingertips. Your dom softens under your touch because you are so precious to him. His fingers close around yours and he kisses your forehead.

“The most important thing is your comfort,” he asserts. He taps the collar around your neck that suggests in some way that you are his and he is yours. “You can take this off at any time.”

You wrap your arms around his waist and bury your face into his chest. It’s been fun and it’s also been freeing to have him take care of you. There’s a soft haze that wafts around your brain lately as you surrender to him. You are in love with him, deeply, in such a short amount of time.

“I would never,” you say, finally. 

His heart skips a beat.

“Unless you want to buy me a nicer one, of course.”

He chuckles. 

“You’re a feisty little one, aren’t you?” He remarks. He’s glad to look down at you and see you smiling again, eyes bright and brown. He reaches for your ass cheek, then raises your leg so that it lies across his hip. 

Your eyes twinkle with mischief.

“Well, that’s why you picked me to teach, isn’t it?” You raise an eyebrow, and the cheeky grin on your face is enough to make him get absolutely hard again.

Of course, only if you’re up to the task.

Suga bites gently on your lip again, his hand on your thigh. 

“I didn’t expect you to learn so quickly.”

“Maybe you really do have the gift of teaching,” you reply, as you stick your tongue into his mouth.

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

I’m obsessed with the idea of having a soulmate that is perfectly made for you! Could you do something with Donnie x reader who is so eccentric and free spirited but they have words of the first thing their soulmates will say to them and they end up being soulmates? If that makes sense lol :). If you get confused I give you 100% free liberty to do anything you want! Thank you so much 🥰🥰

Ooohh I love this and made my brain crack out on it 😁😁😁 Hope you love it!!!

TMNT Oneshot's

Donnie's gotta soulmate

‘What is a soulmate?’ is probably the most searched question on the internet since the internet became a thing. And there is genuine curiosity surrounding that question, much like the purpose of life, it goes relatively unanswered and because of this people regard the idea of soulmates as something inherently evil. Something other. Since childhood you’ve found both this concept and its theories rather hilarious, you figure that if the universe wanted to fuck us over it would just throw a meteor at us and start over. A little Big Bang 2.0 if you will.

Some people are so ridiculously afraid of the concept of another half that they marry someone who is most definitely not their intended. Your parents are some of those people. Your parents are also the reason that you moved out of the house the second you saw a chance for freedom. Now you’ll admit, living in an upscale college dorm is not at all where you thought you’d be at this point in your life, but you’re not entirely mad about it. The debt isn't too bad and the city is beautiful, maybe not to the locals, but when you grow up in rural Minnesota, the big city is sure to impress.

Perhaps your favorite part was that no one thought you were weird whenever you went about your normal life, while chucking frozen peas at ducks would have earned you more than a few stares back home, here passerby simply looked on. Weirder things had happened in New York after all.

You figured that out the hard way.

The walk back to your dorm after a 9pm class always landed you in the same spot, the shitty apartment building rooftop. It was a genuine wonder that you hadn’t been kidnapped or murdered yet. But sitting there just made you feel so centered, so at home, like the sky would descend to wrap you in a cosmic hug. The glow of the streetlights distracted you from the sunset and the noise of the bustling city below made you oblivious to the enormous figure making its way towards you.

Donnie was so fucking DONE with this toaster. It didn’t matter how many times he fixed it or added a new wire or panel, the damn thing just wouldn’t stay fixed. It was one of the few things he’d ever given up on, and it was pissing him off on a whole new level. Not a level that Leo or Splinter would’ve liked, of course, because it was this level of complete and total ‘fuck this bullshit’ that sent him storming right past a civilian minding their own business and smashing the toaster down into the darkness of the alleyway.

His heart didn’t just skip a beat when he noticed you there. It went full tilt like a child jazzed up on mountain dew dancing to Cotton Eye Joe. Donnie feared that if it beat any faster it would vibrate into the next dimensional plane and disappear forever. It sure felt like that would be his end. Your eyes had locked and it became a staring contest between himself and you, both open-mouthed and panicking.

Ever have that habit of saying the absolute dumbest shit when you’re panicked?

“If this is my life then God is gonna be an imperialist piñata in a hot fucking minute.”

The answer is yes.

Luckily for you the universe chose very well.

“He can join my toaster if you want. I’ve got no objections.”

Silence was your only companion as you both watched the words just spoken scrawl across your forearms like ink from a quill, all you could do was stare in disbelief. Donnie felt like he was on the verge of catastrophic heart failure when you finally spoke again.

“You know it’s not the shell that pisses me off, I just wish I said something way cooler.”

The purple clad turtle in question sighed in return, “How do you think I feel?”

Oh how you loved it when people gave you openings for bad jokes.

“Probably a lot like that toaster.”

An audible groan sent you into a fit of laughter and you had to cover your mouth to reign yourself in before what remained of your common sense flew away forever. Donnie was analyzing you now, the shock still hadn’t worn off but his heart rate had slowed enough for him to finally look you over, he wasn’t shocked at your appearance, just that you were definitely human. You were having the same thoughts as he was, just slightly altered.

“Soooo quick question?”

He broke his gaze and tilted his head at you.

“Are you a turtle or a tortoise? Or... neither?”

It was his turn to smile and he even snorted a little in pure amusement, grateful that you hadn’t said something else.

“Technically I’m a terrapin.”

Your grin could’ve lit up the whole block, you shuffled to your feet and dusted yourself off, offering him your hand.

“I’m Y/N.”

His hand was massive in yours.

“Shocking to meet you, I’m Donatello.”

That brilliant smile turned mischievous.

“Oh I’ve got so many bad jokes that I’m not gonna make.”

Guess who just learned how to use the Keep Reading button???? Yes I am as proud of myself as I sound 😁🧡

Enjoy!

-Mars 🌠

[alreadyblondenow]

On and Off

Taeyong x ballerina!reader // FLUFF, SMUT, angst? idol!au Summary: The first few months of being in a relationship with Taeyong was normal as it could be. Exchanging text massages, dates, phone call from evening until morning. But as you dive deeper into the relationship and months turned into years, you realised that normal will be something hard to achieve.  Word Count: 5k Warnings: Protected and unprotected sex, cursing, mentions of other idols, loneliness, anxiety, pressure,  Note: few notes again hihi -Inspired by my one and only keshi - onoffonoff please listen to his music its amazing I literally only listen to him these past few days.  -This is another part/story of my life, so I could only hope no one steals my work. Because this is inspire by true events, except the pregnancy part. And the good ending, mine didn’t end well haha

It has been years since you kissed Taeyong for a stupid dare, not knowing who he is and not knowing he’s a famous idol in his country. You were clueless, simple as that. Little did you know that kiss will literally change your life. Was it luck or was it destiny that brought Taeyong in your life? After kissing him that night he stick to you like glue insisting to spend more time together and drink and dance the whole night.

One thing led to another, and Taeyong just keeps coming back to you and you welcome him with open arms. Thanks to Google, you learned a lot about Taeyong. All the basic stuff about who he is, what about him and finally being a fan of NCT. Its funny how dating Taeyong over the years made your life complicated and exciting at the same time. You figured, maybe it’s because you’re crazy with each other that’s why.

Ever since Taeyong came into your life your heart is half and half. The first half is for your first love which is dancing ballet and the other half is for someone extraordinary, Taeyong.

The first few months of being in a relationship with Taeyong was normal as it could be. Exchanging text massages, dates, phone call from evening until morning. But as you dive deeper into the relationship and months turned into years, you realised that normal will be something hard to achieve.

ON

A lot of adjustments happened in order to continue being together. For you it’s understanding that Taeyong is someone important not just to you and his family but to a lot of people around the world. Helping him sort out his thoughts while writing lyrics and  listening to whatever he says to you. Stay with him at the studio even if means burying yourself at the studio couch and binge watch Netflix while waiting for him to finish recording. For Taeyong, his love language is massaging your sore feet from ballet practice and picking you up every night after his work. Watching your performance giving his full support, emotionally and physically.

You’re each other’s number one fan.

OFF

During ballet practice today, your toes are already bleeding from hard work which something you don’t regret on doing. But the company was having an earful from the director tonight, never ending “do it again” and “from the top” everyone wanted to cry. Good thing Taeyong will pick you up after ballet practice, finally something to look forward to. Or so you thought.

It’s already 9pm, practice was dismissed half an hour ago and Taeyong still hasn’t come yet. The rain is pouring outside and your feet and toes needs to rest. You’ve left a dozen messages to Taeyong already but still, no answer. Before you decide on waiting a little more, his manager called you to tell you that Taeyong forgot to pick you up tonight and that he can’t leave anytime soon. You don’t have a choice but to take the subway and walk under the rain with your small umbrella. Your wet flats makes your bruises even worse, you feel the pain every step you make but the thing that’s even more painful is Taeyong didn’t picked you up when you needed him the most. You can only let out a string of curses here and there and cheer yourself to keep on walking.

When you finally got home you went straight to the bathroom limping and cleaned your bruises. Too tired to even stand up, you still have to make your shoes and sew a little bit for tomorrow’s practice. Still thinking about how heavy your day was, you sat in front of the mirror while sewing and waiting for Taeyong to come home.

After preparing everything you need for practice tomorrow, you head to the kitchen and made dinner for Taeyong. Maybe he’s hungry when he got home? A few minutes later, you heard the door beep. Taeyong startled you and hugged you from behind, you already sensed something is off. “Sorry about earlier” Of course you wanted to ask him but you didn’t want to pry, he looks exhausted as you are.

He kissed you good night on the forehead not even letting you to kiss him back as he walks towards your shared room and change. That’s it? He’s never like this and you wonder why, you reflect on the past days but all you can only recall are days full of laughter with him.

ON

The morning after, you were at the kitchen making your green smoothy when the same arms from last night encircled to your waist. Familiar kisses landed to your cheeks and neck, “Good morning” Taeyong greeted you with a raspy voice, his chin rests on your neck. “I’m sorry about last night, I forgot to pick you up and… our come back has slow process, everyone doesn’t look good” you wanted to throw a fit and push him away but you know that Taeyong loves his work, and if he said that something is wrong, something is indeed wrong.

You turned around and hugged him back, giving him one big bear hug, “I’m not mad anymore. But, I have to go now I’ll be late-“ to your surprise he kneels in front of you completely pissed off because of your toes. “I think you should skip practice today - I can’t believe I let you go home alone last night with those feet” it’s not nice to see Taeyong so annoyed and pissed early in the morning. But you know you can’t skip practice today, “I’ll go home early if you can make it up to me today” it’s the only reasonable deal you could make, and you can only hope he’s up for it. “Will do” he kissed your lips, “I love you. I’m sorry, this will never happen again” you believe him.

And he did make it up to you. He made lunch and got an early out from working with his music. Not only did he cooked for the both of you but he cleaned the whole apartment which you thought wasn’t necessary. He made kimchi stew and kimchi fried rice, with a table full of laughter brought to you by your boyfriend and a bottle of wine from Johnny.

After eating lunch and cleaning up, you and Taeyong found yourselves in the middle of the bed tipsy and incredibly clingy with each other. “Wow you changed the bed sheets” you noticed and gave him a wink, “very gentleman of you” he giggled as he lay beside you.

The weather is gloomy like yesterday, but what happened yesterday seems to be  erased already. The gloomy weather made the room blue, cold and comfortable. Taeyong’s arms are around you enjoying the warmth you share “I love days like this” he whispers, “You’re my escape from everything that’s happening in my life now. It’s like when you look inside my brain everything seems to be loud and out of order, but there you are calm and just being you” he sniffs your hair, pulled you closer and kissed you deeply as always. “Is this why you changed the sheets?” you playfully asked, he hovers on top of you slowly removing your shirt and tugging down your pyjama “Mhmm”

The cold weather and the low temperature of the air condition made you shiver both. Skin to skin, lips to lips and hands all over each other’s body. Taeyong is never rough with you when it comes to sex, it’s always passionate sex with him. But as gentle as he is during sex, he can’t get enough of you and one round isn’t enough for him. Sometimes you can only cry whenever he ask for you to cum one last time… after having seven already.

“How many rounds can you give me tonight?” Taeyong asks in between open mouth kisses, you noticed he’s hungrier than usual. Then you remembered, you haven’t had sex for the last three weeks for sure he’ll never go easy on you. You clear your throat before answering his question, “Five?” he scoffed. “How about ten? Five in my fingers and mouth and five more with my cock inside you and vibrator on your clit, hmm?” he spreads your legs without waiting for your answer, assuming that you’re fine with his plan already. “Hold my hand, squeeze it so I know I’m making you feel good okay?” you nod with a smile, you’re already turning red because of the building heat up on your body.

Holding both of his hands as he goes down to your sex, he licks your cunt slowly from the bottom to your clit. Making you moan softly and your legs quiver, “Tae-“ you sound like you’re out of breath as you chant his name over and over again. Squeezing his hand from time to time whenever he hits a good spot, spreading your legs even wider to make it feel good even more and grinding your hips to his tongue as he licks your cunt with a steady pace. “Ooh - Mmm, right there Taeyong yeah” you moan louder than earlier and you start breathing heavily. Closing your legs a bit and squeezing Taeyong in between your legs, you cum for the first time tonight.

Taeyong didn’t expect you’d cum so fast already “Still okay?” he asks as he crashes his lips on the valley of your breast all the way up to your lips, tasting a bit of yourself. You encircle your arms around him, keeping him closer to your body still weak from your first orgasm. “What, you want me to fuck you already?” he let out a sweet laugh before looking straight into your eyes. You nod.

As he rolls the condom to his cock, you’re quick to spread your legs for him. “Oh so now you’re spreading your legs for me after squeezing me earlier?” the vibrations of his giggle tickles you as he kiss you before lining his cock to your cunt. He didn’t stopped kissing you even when he’s already balls deep inside you.

“Tae let me breath” you asked of him. As you catch your breath for second, he rolled his hips a little which made you moan and roll your head back, “Sorry, I crave for you baby” he apologise with heavy breaths, hips still rolling slowly, cock stretching your cunt.

You encircle your arms around his neck pulling him closer again, “Come on Tae” you lick his lips, “I owe you nine more rounds” his pace changed a little bit faster, “Can I be rough tonight?” he grabbed you waist a little too harsh it surprised you. He gave you hard thrust that hurts so bad but it it feels good at the same time you arched your body and cum for the second time tonight. Taeyong was the first one to come down from his high and licks your nipples while cradling your arched body, watching you breath heavily and smile as you go down from your high. “Fuck Tae, I didn’t know you had it in you” he’s still licking and biting your boobs while waiting for your body to stop shivering like crazy. “Told you I crave for you tonight” and he slaps your ass and flips you on the mattress.

After that night, the following days were sweeter than ever and the sex became rougher, “no more vanilla sex” Taeyong says. Every night, you both look forward to seeing each other after a long day at work and finally releasing stress in bed together. You like to think that having rough sex every time made Taeyong even sweeter to you. Not that he’s not sweeter before, it’s just that now Taeyong is even more sweeter.

Last night when he’s in the middle of choking you while fucking you on the edge of the bed, he told you “You’re so beautiful, never leave me” and that damn made you blush you almost explode.

This morning, he wanted to skip work just to cuddle with you for the rest of the day. Even though he has multiple schedules today, he has studio work, dance practice and salon appointment. “Taeyong we could cuddle when you we get home” he whines and hovers his legs over yours, locking you in an embrace. “Five more minutes then, kiss me please” and you kissed his pout away.

The following night, he gave you a nice massage not just your feet this time, but your whole sore body. “Ugh baby, that feels good! Where did you learn all this” you mumble while you’re on your stomach, eyes closed and enjoying Taeyong’s massaging skills. “This is how they massage us whenever we have sore bodies during our concert tour” he answers, gliding his hands at your back putting a little bit of pressure.

OFF

One night, you came home from ballet practice really exhausted, tired and sore you can’t even move properly. You decided to sleep early and have a long rest but you forgot to tell Taeyong. Deep in your sleep already, you didn’t notice him when he arrived. Although you felt the bed move and you can smell Taeyong’s familiar scent, you didn’t quite catch what hes doing though. A few minutes later you felt a sting on your nipples only to find out that Taeyong is lapping on your boobs, your sleep wear rolled up to your neck.

“Baby - stop please you’re hurting me” Taeyong immediately stopped and rolled down your top, “I’m sorry - what’s wrong?” he came closer to you with a slight panic you.

“Please stop” your tone was a little bit angry but deep inside you’re not, you’re just tired.  He didn’t say a word or do something after that.

Sometimes Taeyong can overthink too much. He’s a soft man on the inside so he can get really hurt with only a few words. He overthinks too much that he already thought you’re getting tired with him, that you don’t love him anymore. He wanted to wake you up and talk to you but he’s scared you’ll get mad like earlier.

Scared to have a fight with you or even a small argument, Taeyong always leaves for work just before you wake up. The come back is getting near and he’s been pouring all his time and energy to his schedules.

You: Taeyong, you left again without saying good bye? That’s not normal, are you okay?

All you can do is send him messages before he buries himself in dance practice and also trying to reach out through phone calls but it never last longer than three minutes. It’s been days since he’s not paying attention to you and you’re starting to think that asking for attention is inappropriate at a time like this.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” you hugged him as he lay in bed beside you, tired and pissed because their manager is being a bitch during practice earlier. He doesn’t say a word to you. But you wanted to reach out and it seems like you both could need a talk.

“Tae-“ he cuts you off, even before you could even start.

“It’s not fair that you can get some rest whenever you demand it, I cant. I have an early schedule tomorrow. I’m tired, good night” and faces away to you.

That was the answer to all of your questions. He’s tired and you’re his greedy girlfriend who want his attention always. You constantly blame yourself why Taeyong is acting this way to you. Of course it’s a misunderstanding, but nonetheless it still hurts.

The both of you gone cold for a whole month, Taeyong needed to stay at the dorms and you’re left at the apartment alone. It’s not that the relationship was over and he left you alone, but that’s exactly what you feel. You’re lucky if you could get a phone call from Taeyong once a week but all you get is good morning and good night messages. It feels like your relationship with Taeyong became an imaginary relationship, like the one you used to have with Zac Efron during High School Musical.

Suddenly the apartment that you shared with him feels so big for you and you feel so lonely every night. He’s not your Taeyong anymore and this went on for almost three months, you couldn’t believe what’s happening. All you know is they’re promoting two albums back to back and that their schedules are jam-packed. You need to understand and adjust.

You have your own life you can’t stop living your life just because Taeyong is not with you at the moment. Theres an up coming audition for the main part of this year’s season, and you want to focus on perfecting your audition piece and give it your hundred percent. Which is much easier if Taeyong is here supporting you.    

Asking for a breakup and moving out from the apartment is something that will not make the situation easier. So you decided to get on with your life for the mean time, and break up with Taeyong after his busy schedules.

ON

After their two come backs which are both successful, Taeyong of coarse came back to your life. Although this time you’re the one preparing for something big now still, he tries to make it up to you. You on the other hand, is tired of being lonely and sad you just miss Taeyong’s touch and presence in your life. The break up plan was long gone the moment Taeyong showed up on the exact date of your auditions. You decided to give it another shot.

He waited for the auditions to finish and brought you a bouquet of flowers, he has dark blue hair now and you almost didn’t recognise him from afar. “Aw, Taeyong you didn’t have to” you hugged him and received the beautiful flowers, “It’s a congratulations and I’m sorry bouquet” he says shyly. You know exactly what he’s talking about. It feels so good to be coming home with him again, the apartment suddenly gain back it’s normal joyous vibe now that Taeyong is home.

Now that everything seems normal again, the bed is not cold anymore. You’re laying in bed between his legs, your back feels comfortable against his chest “I promise to never leave you again like that” you almost teared up because of what he just said but you’re tired of crying already. All you wanted to do now is be close to Taeyong, make up for lost time, and kiss him. So you did, you turned your back and faced him. Gave him a peck, just a peck and went back to your previous comfortable position.

“Really? Just a peck?” he tickled your sides until hes kneeling on the bed and you’re out of breath from laughing so hard, trying to make him stop by catching his hands. “Okay! Fine!” you’re both still giggling, “Few seconds, wait let me catch my breath first” he tickled you again but this time it’s your feet, you scream so loud and laughed so hard your tummy hurts.

The moment Taeyong stopped because he got tired, you came over to him and kissed him passionately. It felt like your first kiss with him, you’re sure fireworks were lit up the sky the moment your lips touched and your tongue swipes on his bottom lip. “Happy?” you whispered. He goes back to kissing you deeply as he answers no, I will never get enough of you. His lips go down to your covered breast from the layers of your shirt and bra, gently kneading them and hesitating to continue what he wants to do.

“What’s wrong?” you noticed somethings bothering him.

“The last time I removed your shirt, you got mad” he smiled awkwardly and stopped what he’s doing. Now you’re on his lap, needy and wet. He can’t do this to you, no, not tonight. You removed your shirt with a swift move and unclasping your bra throwing it somewhere. “Since when are you allowed to be shy around me, Taeyong? I’m yours remember?” you felt him nod and you felt his bright smile in between hungry kisses and removing each other’s clothes.

“Want to ride me tonight?” he slaps your ass while slowly laying you both back in bed and hovers on top of you.

“How many rounds do you want tonight?” you quickly made the switch to answer his question.

“As many you want” that’s new, you thought. He never made you in control before and you don’t know why you’re blushing in front of him right now. He giggles and put your hair away from your face, “What? Why are you blushing?”

You point around at his face and ruffled his hair, “this is not normal. What have you done to my Taeyong?” he tried to tickle your side again but you caught his hand and intertwined it with yours and put them on your lap making him behave.

“I just figured, I never let you do what you want when we have sex. I’m always the one tiring you and shit” he breaths in, and breaths out sharply, “Even in our relationship, I’m always the one making you sad and exhausting you-“ you kiss him before he says something that will make you cry and completely kill the vibe.

“How about we fuck without condoms tonight, hmm? You like that?” you suggest with a devilish grin, confident because you started taking pills.

“Wow-  that would really -“ he can’t form his sentence well, “I am, huh - you sure about this? pull out?” you kissed him again made him grab your boobs, “pill” you grabbed his cock without warning and pumped it a few times, he let out a loud groan when he felt his head slowly pushing in your cunt. His rambling from earlier were replaced with loud moans and sharp gasps whenever you roll your hips a little faster.  

“It feels like were having sex for the first time again, yeah?” you can only nod, busy from making Taeyong feel good beneath you and using his cock to go off.

The night became warmer for the both of you after sharing the experience of your first time having sex without a condom. Taeyong freaked out when he saw his cum drip from your cunt for the first time and it made him horny just minutes after he came inside you for the first time. “Let’s go another round babe” he asks so sweetly every after round you finish. His stamina always amazes you.

And for the first time after for so many months, you felt that his ‘i love yous’ are true and sincere. It feels like he’s saying it for the first time again.  

“I love you and I’m sorry for leaving you”

“I love you, please let me in your life again”

“I love you, you’re the one for me”

“I love you please forgive me”

The next day, a text message woke you up really early. It’s the results of the audition from yesterday and sadly you didn’t get the part you auditioned for. The part you got was decent, but it hurt you knowing that you’re not enough for the part that you’ve wanting do ever since when you’re a little girl.

Your silent cry and muffled sobs woke up Taeyong up with a slight panic. “Fuck - are you hurt? Does anything hurt?” he thought you were crying because of last night. You shook your head and showed him the results.

Taeyong is quick to put you in his arms and comfort you. It’s everything you needed. “I want you to acknowledge your skills, you’ve gone so far and you did it by yourself take credit for that” he runs his delicate fingers through your sex hair from last night. “I’ll be with you all throughout the process. Please stop crying, I hate seeing you cry”

Of course Taeyong took care of you like you’re one of his members. Gave insightful comments every time you show him a video of you from practice. He gave out helpful criticism that made you want to push more and work even harder.

On days that you just need your boyfriend and you’re so tired from dancing, he will always sing for you and make you laugh until you feel better. He even showers with you whenever you’re too sore to even scrub your own body.

“Taeyong,” he hums while massaging your feet from the other side of the bath tub. “Thank you”

“What for?” he asked kissing your feet before taking the other one.

“I just want to thank you. I feel like I haven’t been thanking you enough for everything you’re doing for me” you’ve never felt so shy in front of Taeyong. He crawls in between your legs, giving your lips a quick peck and going back to his comfortable side.

“I’m your boyfriend, it’s my job to take care of your sexy ass” he tickled your feet and you let out a soft, “aw” because your muscles ache whenever you move too much. “I’m sorry, I forgot, I’ll get your towel” you laugh at how he panics.

OFF

The most awaited ballet season of the year is during Christmas and you’ve been working your ass off during ballet practice. Two months have passed during the preparation and in two weeks time the performance will take place. All you wanted to do is dance and be perfect. You’ve got thinner because of the company diet but somehow you felt weaker so you overthink and practice more.

Not to mention that you and Taeyong were fighting like crazy these past few days because he can’t get a hold of you. He thinks you’re overworking yourself and soon you’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t rest sooner or later. It’s not that he’s wrong, actually he’s right in so many things. But he can’t understand the pressure you’re in, your constant want to prove your company director that you have something special and that you’ve improved a lot.

“If you get hurt before the big day, that’s a bigger loss. Everyone from your company is taking a rest on weekends, I know because were on the same field. Baby please listen to me, rest and come to bed with me” Taeyong begs.

“You don’t understand what Im going through Taeyong because you’re perfect! You’re your company’s favorite idol how can you understand what I’m going through” you probably hurt him with all those words but you’re just angry, annoyed and frustrated all at the same time you couldn’t stop yourself.

“I just wanted take care of you, that’s all” and he leaves your studio without another word. You only got mad to yourself even more for being so harsh to Taeyong. Admitting that you’re wrong you weakly removed your shoes and contemplate for some time.

Later that night, you found Taeyong sleeping on the couch without any blanket and you can tell that he’s cold. You walked quietly to your shared room and grabbed the blanket that you two always share. Slowly and gently, you snuggle beside Taeyong on the couch laying comfotable beside him. His arms automatically pulled you in closer to him, you can’t believe the patience this man holds.

“You awake?” you whisper softly, trying to stop your tears from falling.

“I already forgive you” he already knew that you’re going to apologise.

“Then what are you here? Why didn’t you wait for me in bed?”

“Hmm. Well, theres a possibility that you will still sulk - Mmaybe you don’t like to sleep beside me tonight. Didn’t expect for you to come here actually” he softly explains, eyes still closed.

“You’re right I dont like to sleep beside you tonight” he opened his eyes, but you laughed the moment you saw how his face turned from soft to stern. “Oh your duality always amazes me” you boops his nose, “I’m just kidding. Come on lets come to bed-“ you were just about to stand up but he pulled you close again and kept you close.

“Lets sleep here for a change” he boops your nose and kissed you good night.

You woke up with a sore body because the couch wasn’t so comfortable for two people to sleep in for the whole night. It’s 8am already and you only got half an hour to get ready and head to practice.

When you came in late, you got additional three hour practice as your punishment today. Taeyong will surely get mad when you get home. Besides being late today, you also forgot to put on bandaids from the bruises you got from last night and now your feet will surely bleed.

At the end of the day, you’re right Taeyong did got mad because of the extra practice hours. You were so tired you didn’t even spare a word for him and head straight to your shared room to sleep. You didn’t even bother changing clothes and just closed your eyes and drifted.

Thankful that the next day is rest day, you woke up with clean clothes and tended bruises. He came in with a breakfast tray careful not to spill the coffee, “Good morning superstar” he kissed your temple and sat on his side of the bed.

“Before you say anything, I’m sorry” he grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles, “You were tired last night and all I did was shout at you when it’s my fault in the first place” he kissed it again and you were speechless the whole time, “We will never fight again, I promise”  

ON

The most awaited performance was great, Taeyong watched with Doyoung and they both cried seeing you dance on stage. Your heart is filled with emotions and you feel so accomplished because all of your hard work payed off well. The director noticed your big improvements and promised to give you more opportunities on the next season.

After this year’s ballet season, everything went back to normal with Taeyong. No more fights, and more room to talk to each other. More love making and less rough sex. Do new things with Taeyong every month including understanding the world of kpop.

It has been years since you kissed Taeyong for a stupid dare, and you’re still crazy in love with him.

Now you’re sitting on the tub, enjoying the warm water while you wait for Taeyong to come join you.  He came into the bathroom with his favorite scented candle already lit making the bathroom smell like apple and vanilla.

He turned off the bathroom lights before joining you, sitting behind you making you in between his long legs. He pulls you to lay on his chest and gently massage your fingers tired from working.

“What do you think about, Jade?” You feel the vibrations from his chest against your back when he answers you, “Not bad. But lets have other options” you hum longer than before, staring at the marble wall of your bathroom while drawing circles on Taeyong’s lap underwater. “Elie Ruby? We could call her Elie instead?” Your new suggestion made him laugh, and you smiled because he sounds so amused.

“Were not naming our baby after my dog. I love her but, my love for our baby is different” this time Taeyong is the one humming, wetting your hair and putting bubbles on top of your head. “How about I ask the boys tomorrow? Besides we don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy” You turned your back to face him with a smile.

“You’re finally going to tell them?” splashing some water out of of excitement.

“Yes. Now go back to your last position, I want you to relax” and so you did, still smiling like a fool you feel Taeyong caressing your tummy underwater humming a song you’re not familiar with. Maybe he wrote a song for the baby. That was fast, you’re only 2 weeks pregnant and Taeyong already has a song.

“Im sorry for not marrying you first” ah marriage, you thought. Since Taeyong is still in his prime for being an idol, you both planned not to get married yet even though you’re dying to say “I do” already.

You felt his hands creep up to your boobs his fingertips feels good against your nipples. “Close your eyes” he whispered and tingles spread across your body in an instant making your lips part and let out an involuntary moan.

Hearing just the sounds of his sweet kisses on your neck slowly travelling on your shoulders. What he’s doing now is indeed relaxing.

Still kissing your body, Taeyong whispers sweet promises that makes your heart at ease. “I will make you happy. Every second of the day” embracing you from behind, admiring how you fit perfectly between his legs. “Just have more patience baby. We will have a happy marriage”

You don’t know how exactly to react with everything he’s doing right now. Taeyong is providing you calm with his presence but making you horny with his hands around your body. When you finally opened your eyes, you turned your back facing him again. Now its your turn to kiss him and show him love.

While kissing him slowly with lust and adoration, you grab his hard cock underwater and stroke it up and down. Closing his eyes shut he pulls away from the kiss to let out a soft airy moan and relaxes his head on the cold marble wall. “Baby” he gulps, “Dont stop” taking this opportunity to kiss his exposed neck, you’re careful not to leave marks. His moans got louder when he said he’s near, and in a matter of seconds you see the tip of his cock underwater let out white fluids. “You’re always making me feel good, do you know that? I was really exhausted from practice today”

After washing up and having a proper bath, Taeyong was the one putting on lotion around your body. Spreading the Shea Butter scented lotion he gave to you and putting some on his body. Not bothering to put on some clothes, Taeyong brings you to your bed and kissed every inch of you. “Do you wanna have sex tonight?” He asked, lips all over your body and his fingers playing with your wet folds.

“Just make me cum then lets sleep. Were both tired from work baby. You need rest. Lots of rest” you heard him say a soft ‘okay’ before you feel his lips against your pussy. And without any warning, he insert a digit while he licks at your pussy from the bottom to your clit slowly. Making you close your legs but his freehand is quick to grab one of your leg and puts it right above his shoulders, giving him a better angle. Licking you in an animalistic pace, you cum on his face your pussy earning a good kiss from him. That made you smile.

When he finally lay beside you, you dried your juices on his face using a tissue from your bedside. “I thought you’re tired. That was good” you said still panting. He hums and you see his eyelids closing already. Yeah he’s tired. You pull up your soft covers making him comfortable hoping he will get a good night sleep.

After closing the lamp light and making yourself comfortable beside Taeyong, he murmurs a sweet “I love you and our angel” before pulling you closer to him and finally sleeping.

“We love you too.”

................................................. Masterlist

So as I’ve mentioned to my notes above, it’s inspire by true events. Yes I’m a dancer, at least I’m used to be. Not ballet though but I have knowledge about it. My ex is a dancer too, and basically we’ve been trying to make it work even though we both have busy schedules everyday. And that’s basically it, we’ve been on and off and off and on just like keshi said in the song,  “when we stop, we never stop” idk for me that phrase spoke to me like how you wanted so bad to leave in a relationship but you can’t because you always find excuses to be with each other until eventually someone stops caring. 

I’ve been thinking about on posting this though, because my recent Mark fic didn’t get any recognition at all... and its the first time thats happened so I wonder why. 

Thank you for reading!

[fitgothgirl]

I haven’t been updating too much here, haven’t been making any progress with my nutrition or exercise habits. I’ve actually been focusing on cutting back on weed. For the first time in my life I actually can cut back by using this kSafe I got. I’m forced to put it off until after work/the evening since it’s locked up, but knowing I can have it later keeps me from freaking out and running to buy more like I would when I’d try to go cold turkey. I’ve never had the self-control before to practice moderation; it’s always been that if I have weed, I will smoke it. I haven’t used the kSafe to go over a day without it yet, but I’ve been an all-day-everyday smoker for about ten years - I need baby steps haha. I was setting it for right when I get off work at 4:30, but recently pushed it out a few more hours to 7pm to have some clear-headed time after work for myself. And this past weekend was the first time I set it on a non-workday; on Saturday I locked it up until 5pm. And for today (Monday) I bumped it out from 7pm to 8pm. I think I’ll keep it at 8pm or 9pm on workdays this week, and 5pm on both Saturday and Sunday next weekend.

I’m starting to feel a good difference not smoking during the day. More focused on work and alert and just clear. Obvious stuff you’d expect. I’m still dealing with some minor anxiety of just feeling like I’m missing something, or not knowing what to do with myself. The feeling of something in the back of my mind nagging at me. But it’s good to feel this discomfort and find out what I’m needing rather than numbing it as I always do. Plus yes, I’m just going to crave it for a while still too.

Not even trying to quit though, although a good long break to reset my brain (when I can eventually do that) would probably be good for me. But I just smoke way too much to be able to be a functioning person with hobbies and interests. It’d be nice if I didn’t smoke everyday, maybe just like every few days or once a week or every couple weeks… Something normal lol.

I know when I have updated here lately, I’ve been talking about my issues with weed. Thanks to anyone who reads through my repetitive complaints and struggles lol. I vent about it here since my health blog includes mental health, of course.

In terms of actual physical health, things are pretty much back at square one. My HW on my blog bio is 166.9lbs (75.7kg) in January of last year. I’m 164lbs (74.4kg) right now. I did get down to around 153lbs (69.4kg) last year around May/June, but I’ve gone back up and lost my muscle, etc. As much as I love working from home, I definitely think it’s making my health deteriorate and my weight go up at an exponential rate. I only get a couple thousand steps a day, maybe. When I first started WFH, I was going on little 10-20 minute walks once or twice during the workday and that was nice. I need to get back to that. I did go on a 20 minute walk yesterday, so that was something considering the level of stagnation I’m at lol. I just felt the need to fucking move at least a little lol (and get out of the house); I can really feel it in my body how stagnant I am. I’m getting some lower back pain now too, which isn’t an issue I’ve dealt with before. 

I also was excited about WFH because I wouldn’t have to worry about packing a lunch or anything anymore, but even though that’s true, I’m so bored of so many foods and am really struggling to prepare even simple things for myself over ordering out. I know I’ve mentioned this before here too. Still just figuring it out though.

[katsukikitten]

The fact your ask box says "love" makes me swoon over (◍•ᴗ•◍) Could I have yandere!Shinsou Hitoshi with a darling who forgets that he needs a lot of attention sometimes? Maybe she's in the support course and is worse than Mei and works 24/7?? Love the shigaraki x yandere reader and the content you post(人 •͈ᴗ•͈)

Oh thank you so much bb!! I'm glad you enjoy my content. That shigi post was actually my very first yandere piece! Have a nice background of your papi that I made! Um also it implies a little bit of smut please forgive me.

Cool cat eyes rove over your form as icy rage stirs in a normally empty chest. The gaze goes wholly unnoticed by you as you work day in and day out in the cramped, too hot lab with a much too friendly male partner.

He grits his teeth, nails biting into his palms as you yet again stand him up for what is normally your meeting time. 9pm.

Sharp.

Or there would be consequences, heavy consequences.

He tried to be understanding of your need to work long hours on your project for the upcoming university festival but to miss an appointment for the sixth week in a row, on top of working through your lunch break was entirely unacceptable.

He knew that you wouldn't know what was best for your health as he watches your tank top rise up much too high for his liking as you teetered on the top rung of the ladder. Rage blooming in his chest but never his features as he watches through the large window.

Eyes glued to the white lollipop stick that hangs from your mouth, tongue moving the sweetened candy from one side to the other. He does not need to be in the room to hear the sound of the hardened sugar clatter against bone.

His cock twitches as his eyes drink in the sight of you pulling it out, a small string of cherry red saliva connect to your darkened tongue and the pop before it breaks.

His eyes fly to the beta male in the room, who stares and tries not to palm himself.

The amethyst haired man begins to see red as he swallows thickly, reminding himself that murder is frowned upon among upcoming heros.

Still, what the fuck were you thinking darling? Wearing your cut off denim shorts that ride up the curvature of your ass, that he always, always always dicks you down in. Paired with a much too tight and much too low tanktop that shows off the tops of your breasts and lacy bralette.

"Imma head out Y/N!" The overly friendly asshole calls out to which you barely hum in his direction, meanwhile his eyes are glue to your ass as you reach higher.

Shinsou's fingers twitch at the thought of a thick column beneath them, pressing into tender flesh until bruises bloom in the shape of his palm and long digits.

Until that ever fragile larynx is crushed beneath the weight of his ire, of the onlookers audacity to even glance at what clearly does not belong to them.

Were the fucking blind? Did they not see the intricately woven eggplant rope that sat snuggly around your throat with a midnight purple pansy dangling from the front.

Did they think you wore it for fun?

No, darling, you wore it so other's would know.

But maybe you weren't educating them enough.

The moon rises high in the sky as time paces quickly for you but slowly for him as eyes remained fixated on the one thing he has ever given the time of day. The only thought that ever runs for his head long enough that it makes his heart flutter instead of the normal languid beats.

You

Youyouyouyouyouyouyouyou

YOU.

His heart pounds in his chest as another hour slips by as you tinker on that project.

That fucking project that he tries so hard to remind himself is what will help define your career, carve the path to greatness you deserve.

But you watch you so absorbed as you pop, yet another lollipop into your mouth, probably running off of the sugar alone, his stiff body is beginning to beg him to move.

Especially so as your phone lights up with his text, going forgotten on the desk as the upper half of your body is bent over inside of your giant mechanical project.

Your ass on display in front of the whole window, in a lab with great lighting but no survalence cameras and doors that are either always unlocked or can be picked easily.

A rare growl leaves his throat as anger gets the best of him. Feet finally uprooting his rigid body to stalk after you.

He tries the front door to the lab and as he thought it is unlocked.

He cool handle gives way to his command as his twists, pushing it open before shutting it quietly. Repeating the process until he reaches your door.

A keypad for "extra security".

"What a fucking joke." He scoffs to himself as he let's his fingers dance over the obviously worn keys figuring out the combination as the others look brand new. The door beeps a flashing green and he wonders if it will alert you. When it doesn't he shuts it softly behind him and waits.

Twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes your peach was in the air for all to fantasize over causing him to grind his teeth.

And the worst part that he spies is that you don't even have fucking headphones in to excuse the fact that you could not hear your phone.

Hear the door.

Or hear him.

He thinks to grab one of your many disorganized tools to tap against the table to grab your attention but he cannot trust himself that he won't make said tool a permanent fixture on the dark wood top.

His eyes flicker to you as you're reaching, again, for something just out of your reach instead of moving the damn ladder.

Here you stood top of your class and would be top of the OSHA violations.

The ladder tips too far in one direction causing you to jerk instinctively in the opposite direction over correcting causing the metal to slip beneath your converse.

This was it, this was how you went. Your project a few bolts and a test from completion only for you to lie motionless with either a twisted neck or in a puddle of your own quickly cooling blood.

You squeeze your eyes shut, damning yourself for having such a small useless quirk before you feel a set of strong arms catch you. An extremely familiar scent wafts of sandalwood and lilac waft your nose before your eyes snap open.

The world outside of your machine finally giving in to gravity as you fall head first from the clouds.

Staring up at cool, unforgiving eyes has your heart pounding agaisnt your sternum, demanding to be let go.

With the look he is serving isn't out of the ordinary for him considering he always has RFB. But you see it. The small difference, the rage burning deep beneath that icy glare, the twitch of his lip and the harsh grip on your arm as pads of capable fingers dig into your frame.

A large part of you wishes you had just fell. Just snapped your neck clean in two on impact.

As anything was going to be better than what was about to come to you.

Fuck what time was it?

What day was it?

Seconds of silence fly by before your stunning brain finally catches up with your body.

"Wha..what are you doing here Shin-kun." You stammer as he screams the answer with his seemingly bored gaze.

You're late! In all caps from amethyst eyes.

You subconsciously finger the ceramic petals of your necklace.

"Its only eight thirty! I have half an hour still." You plead, honestly have no concept of time. Having lived in the lab for the past three days.

"Try again." He says coolly causing your stomach to fill with chaotic butterflies. His tone carrys with it hints of venom causing you to gulp. When you cannot answer he openly clenches his jaw.

"It's almost one thirty in the morning darling." Fear seizes your bones, freezes your muscles until you're as stiff as a board. Your eyes flicker between the two loves of your life, the blueprint come to life in the form of honed metal and him.

He who you promised you wouldn't neglect, he who you promised you wouldn't neglect yourself either.

He sure would take once glance at you, hair matted and thrown in a messy bun, white tank top stained with oil and grease, having had nothing to eat save black coffee and endless bags of various kinds of lollipops. Whatever the hell brand your lab mate brought in really.

And then there was his literally saving you from death.

It was busy for the two of you to meet and by the looks of his civilian clothes he might have possibly taken time off.

Oh.

Oh no.

Is written all over your face as his screams the opposite.

Oh.

Oh yes.

You knew exactly what he was thinking, what his next moves were as the scarves around his throat seemed to move on their own accord.

Your core and stomach tighten as the rough fabric weave around your wrists and ankles all the while your heart and mind scream for you to run.

Who knew when you'd be able to leave the confines of his large penthouse apartment. Barely able to sit on the balcony on his roughest days.

Panic overrides your desire to be held captive. To give in to his every demand and be safely locked away in his tower.

"W...wait wait...." Glistening eyes soley fixated on the metal, "I..I'm almost done. I can finish t...tonight!"

He stares down at you for a long moment debating if he should just take you anyway.

If he should steal you away to a place he knows you'll be properly cared for.

Nourished.

But smelling the desperation that comes off of you in waves has his stomach twisting and his hero heart yelling at him to do the right thing.

Suddenly your redden wrists are free as the strips of fabric find themselves neatly settled around his neck once again.

"Fine." Your heart soars as he sets you to your feet. Implying what you had hoped he would allow all along.

You were close. So fucking close to being done, to needing a session of being locked away in his care for awhile.

But this had to be done first before you became his princess once more.

He pulls up a stool to watch you, perching atop it like a swishing tailed cat. Eyes lazily half open but undeniably focused as you hesitantly got into the mindset of working again. His gaze and smirk carry some malice as he speaks, your attention wholly on him a final time.

"But after tonight you're going to be with me for awhile darling ."

[lost-in-sokovia]

Lightning In A Bottle

back at it again with #CaptainsWeeklyChallenge ! this week’s challenge was a song fic, so i chose “Electric Love” by BØRNS because it’s kinda a bop. i did take the peppy song and put a dark twist on the lyrics so please beware. anyway, please enjoy this bucky fic, it’s a lil dark but i enjoyed writing it🤍 (this is dedicated to my girl @lookalivefrosty . i got you some bucky, sis!)

Warnings: dark and heavy theme, fighting, kinda violent, not the happiest ending (and please check out my note at the end about the picture at the top!!!!!!)

How could a few words turn a night so wonderful into a night of terror?

Your heart beat against your chest as loud as the thunder outside. You layed in the damp hallway of the crappy apartment which was now close to destroyed. A thin mattress that someone used to call a bed was now scorched and the only thing somewhat securing you as you hid. The concrete chilled you to the bone as a forming puddle slowly soaked your hair as rain dripped through the cracks.

You exhaled shakily and shivered, trying not to move that mattress. You heard footsteps echo and gunshots ring throughout the hall. Closing your eyes tightly you tried to keep calm and remember the way things were before those simple yet horrendous words were spoken...

You’d been doing so well. Steve couldn’t keep up with all the assignments from Fury by himself, let alone deal with SHIELD being taken over by Hydra, so Steve had given you the mission to try and make as much progress with Bucky as possible. This mission was completely unknown to SHIELD and basically something private Steve had trusted you with. It was a process, trying to convince Bucky you weren’t there to hurt or exploit him. You had to learn a whole new language just to have incase English wasn’t his preference in intimate conversation (even though he never really replied to you anyway, so you gave up and used English for your own comfort but had to put a Russian accent to use.) Steve had trained you to give a well versed and thought-out backstory that was supposed to hopefully keep you covered and Bucky convinced.

It was terrifying the first day of your mission. The soldier spoke very little and his blue eyes were narrowed when he would eye you suspiciously. When you’d introduced yourself he had responded in Russian, leading you to basically fumble your whole greeting with a sloppy Russian-English mix. He was probably wondering what kind of Russian immigrant was so horrible at their own language, and he was on your back for a little while about it. Bucky would get very irritated when you would show up at his door day after day, trying to talk to him and spend time with him. It wasn’t like you wanted to bug a high level security threat though, you had to mentally and physically prepare yourself for anything before showing up.

And after countless days of determination the soldier eventually warmed up to you, letting you join him while eating and just spend plain time with you. He found you as someone who could listen to him and relate with, even when there was no talking going on. You however tried to coax everything you could out of him, even having to try and offer over his memories while he tried his best to think and convey. You knew it was probably hard for him; Hydra did basically everything to wipe his memory and trying to regain those thoughts that were buried deep inside him. Your mind ran around him every single night after leaving, pounding in your head as you couldn’t wait to visit another day and make more progress.

You had even began to develop a small crush on the Winter Soldier. You knew you shouldn’t and it was definitely not something you wanted or was planning on having, but who can control their emotions? He was really sweet down below all the Hydra programming, and you knew that’s who he was. You thought about all the stories Steve had told you about 40’s Bucky and you longed to meet that Bucky. You imagined how sweet he was probably back then, and you worked yourself tirelessly to try and bring him back. You knew he was quite the ladies’ man back then and had such a lively spirit, like a firecracker. And even when Bucky wasn’t speaking his blue eyes would pull you in and drown you, the windows to his soul pouring out the emotions that weren’t spoken.

“Soldier, do you remember your name?” You asked one night. The two of you sat on the floor of the small apartment one night while rain pattered against the newspaper-covered windows. Bucky exhaled, concentrating at the floor. “B-...” He sounded out quietly as he racked his brain for a name. Your nodded eagerly and watched him closely. “...Bucky?” He answered unsurely. You smiled, holding back all the excitement you could. “‘Bucky’ is your name?” You verified. He grunted lightly. “I think...” He muttered, both confused and slightly sad he could only verify with himself.

Your heart pounded against your chest that night, proud with accomplishment. Every time Bucky would begin to recall something, you kept it bottled away inside you. And then once you had it, you couldn’t afford you nor Bucky to let it go and forget. Part of your assignment was to also adjust Bucky to more modern life so it wouldn’t be as much of a culture shock. That part was definitely difficult; you could only pass off so much while acting like an immigrant and living in Romania. You had decided music was a good start, especially since that was probably a luxury that a highly-trained Russian super soldier wasn’t graced with but the real Bucky Barnes knew all too well.

You had pulled a few strings and was able to get a small CD player and a few disks, compliments of a very stressed out Captain America back home. (Steve was a nervous wreck back in the states. He knew you were in possible danger there and would be responsible for anything that might happen to you, along with the fact you were staying with someone who could go from zero to one hundred with just a few micellaneous words.) When you’d introduced it to Bucky he was a little excited about it.

“We can play music on this?” He’d asked quietly as his blue orbs stared at the tiny machine. You nodded and pulled out a few CDs. “This is some of my favorite music,” you replied as you slipped the thin silver disc into the player. A few songs started playing and Bucky raised an eyebrow. “This is American,” he pointed out skeptically. You blinked a few times and shrugged. “It’s better sounding,” you brushed off as you tried to exaggerate your fake accent.

Over time Bucky became very obsessed with the player. He was always playing music and concentrating on it very hard. He became so vulnerable and open and it made your heart pitter-patter like rain. And the one night you let your guard down was the night your mission seemed to end.

Over the course of the mission you had been required to update Steve as discreetly as possible. You kept him updated both on you and the state of his best friend. It was routine; you were to report back to your room at 9PM every night (the time Steve was available and alone) and give a report. One night you let Steve know you weren’t going to be reporting back at your normal time. Despite his protests you argued that Bucky was the most alert you’d seen him. He was finally seeming to recall most everything and be the real him, not the Winter Soldier. You’d been with him for nearly a month and a half and you told Steve that you deserved some fun with him.

After Steve finally giving you permission you walked to Bucky’s the happiest you’d been during that mission. When you walked into his apartment the CD player was already playing the music Steve had sent. You shut the door behind you and quickly skipped over and stopped the music. Bucky looked up at you to protest as you switched out CDs. “This is my favorite song,” you commented as you pressed play. The beat of drums began to play through the speaker as you pulled the soldier up and began to move his arms in dance.

Bucky blinked as you continued to dance. “Come on Bucky, dance!” You urged as you let go and danced around. The lyrics of the song danced in your head while you moved; baby, you’re like lightning in a bottle. I can’t let you go now that I got it. Bucky was your lightning in a bottle. You were doing everything you could to keep the Bucky you had now that you found it.

As you continued to dance the door suddenly busted down and gunshots rang in the apartment. You dropped to the ground as the music came to a halt as bullets hit the machine. You gasped as you tried to hide behind the couch as more men entered. The table was knocked over, glass was shattered on the floor, and the player was now in pieces on the floor. You looked around for Bucky who was now held by the arms of two men. He wiggled and tried to yank his arms when an unarmmed and unusually calm man walked in, holding a small red book. You stared with wide eyes as your heart pounded against your chest.

The man halted right in front of Bucky and eyed him for a moment before holding the small red book up to his face. You went pale. No, that book couldn’t be-

“Тоска ржавая,” he began slowly in Russian. Your eyes widened in horror as Bucky shook his head aggrivatedly. “No, no-“ “семнадцать.” The man ignored Bucky’s pleas. Bucky tilted his head back and clenched his teeth. “рассвет, печь, девять...” Bucky began to groan loudly and angrily as you quickly scrambled out of the apartment. You ran down the hall as you continued to hear Bucky’s trigger words being spoken in Russian and him screaming.

Before you could get any farther, a bomb went off near you outside and flung you against the concrete wall. You landed harshly on the floor as objects flew past you and a wall broke. Rain poured through the broken wall as you heard people screaming, doors being kicked down, and gunshots firing. You grabbed your aching side and inhaled sharply, crawling over to the corner of the stairwell and grabbed a dirty mattress.

That’s where you found yourself after trying to think of anything but where you were. There were a few bodies laying in the hallway just below your eyesight as Bucky stomped around and shot. Your heart wrenched, knowing all the progress you made was probably lost. You shivered and inhaled shakily, wishing there was a way to contact Steve. You cursed yourself for breaking Steve’s rules. If this was going on while you followed guidelines, you and other people could’ve been saved relatively soon. You prayed that the team was somehow contacted already... they had to be with Hydra activity going on. Steve probably had a close eye on this location, right?

You held back a sob as your mind darted and imagined scenarios that probably weren’t going to happen. Crying wasn’t an option, you thought to yourself. What could you do to keep from crying a little longer...

A lightbulb went off in your head. You sniffed as thunder rolled in the sky. “Candy... she’s sweet like candy in my veins...” you whispered to yourself as you heard a woman’s scream and a gunshot. You flinched. “Baby... I’m dying for another taste...” Bucky’s footsteps made their way out of the hall and into the stairwell. You wished to go back in time to when you were still unlocking more memories with Bucky. You looked out the small crack and watched him glance around. “And every night my mind is running around her...” You basically mouthed as your anxiety rose.

You curled yourself tighter together as the footsteps landed right in front of you. Bucky kicked the mattress away and held a gun right in front of your face. A tear rolled down your cheek as you wished he would somehow remember you and break away from the brainwashing. You stared into his blue eyes and uttered a weak as desperate “Bucky.” His hold on the gun tightened as he cocked it. You clenched your eyes shut and heard a loud “(Y/N)!” being called from outside.

The gun fired.

wow, bummer. i don’t write fics like this a lot but it’s nice to venture out. so did you guys like the art at the top?? that was done by my very close and wonderful best friend @ghostofkiwi !! she’s mega talented and is so wonderful! we’ve been friends since 5th grade and she has such a passion and gift for art! please go check her out and give her a follow to see her wonderful work! you’ll be seeing more of her work in some of my fics so i really hope you consider following! thanks again for reading!🤍 ( @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho @donutloverxo )

[writethehousedown]

Trust Fund, Gold Tongue 4/7 (Crygi) - Peridot

A/N: Chapter four is here! I’m so so grateful for the continuous support. This is my first multi-chapter fic, and the longest thing I’ve ever written, so your support means a lot to me! Hope you enjoy this chapter, and feel free to leave any feedback here or on ao3 or at my sideblog @artificialperidot. Enjoy!

They hadn’t kissed immediately.

No one kisses immediately after they declare their love. At least not in Gigi’s experience. There’s usually too many emotions involved, and it would feel awkward to kiss so soon. She wanted to wait. Sure she had drunkenly kissed her friends or random strangers at house parties plenty of times without waiting, but this was different. This was Crystal, and Crystal was most certainly different from anyone than Gigi had known before.

Their tennis-court meet ups were the only thing that were keeping Gigi sane, if she were to be totally honest. Crystal was her refuge - she could forget about her family for just a little bit and get lost in her chocolate eyes and her freckled face and her dimples, and just talk. She had never had someone like that, who she could talk to about absolutely anything with no fear, no shame. She didn’t feel like she had a reputation to uphold when she was with Crystal - she felt normal for the first time in her life. She was sure that she could spend a lifetime talking with her, about everything and nothing at the same time.

And boy did she need someone to talk to when Matthew arrived at the country club.

He had showed up on a Thursday afternoon in a Gucci sweatshirt and a smirk. Gigi had wanted to slap the smirk off of his face from the moment they had first met.

He introduced himself as Matt, but Gigi stuck with Matthew, because she did not intend to get to know him on a nickname basis. He had a quiff of golden hair and green eyes and a blue-white smile, and was textbook-attractive.

Gigi was not interested in the slightest.

It wasn’t Matthew’s fault that Gigi hated him, really. It was more her parent’s fault. They were delusional if they thought Gigi wouldn’t notice their meddling, how they seemed to send him after her at every turn. He probably would’ve been nice enough if Gigi had ever allowed herself to talk to him. But she was adamant that she wasn’t going to - the last thing she needed was for her parents to get the wrong idea and assume that she had changed her mind about dating him, or dating men altogether. Oh no, instead she made a point of ignoring him - answering his questions with snappy, one-word lines, putting in her AirPods when he tried to speak, and talking over him at any given opportunity.

It was a bitchy move, but she didn’t know how else her parents would get the message to back off.

Every afternoon she would complain about him to Crystal, and every afternoon Crystal would wrap her arm around her shoulders and remind her that she was Gigi fucking Goode, and give her a pep talk to get through the rest of the day. Gigi became addicted to the feeling.

One day, though, things didn’t go to plan.

It was two minutes to three, and Gigi was just about to sneak off to the tennis courts, when out of nowhere, the last person she wanted to see was calling out to her.

“Gigi!”

Matthew. She was tempted to ignore him, walk away as if she hadn’t heard, but before she had the opportunity to make her escape, he was bounding up to her and she had no choice but to address him.

He was dressed in a pair of knee high khaki shorts and short-sleeved shirt, with a sweater vest over the top despite the heat. But more concerningly, he had a golf bag slung over his shoulder.

“Gigi, the whole family is down on the golf course,” he said, panting. Gigi cringed at the idea of all of her family being together in one place, planning on playing a very forced game of golf, but cringed even more at the fact this boy considered himself a part of ‘the family’. Delusional. “We’re about to start a game, are you coming?”

No, she was absolutely not coming, not if she was able to get out of it. She couldn’t think of anything worse than spending her whole afternoon trekking around a golf course in the sweltering mid-July heat, with her already-detestable parents watching her like a hawk as she did her best to ignore the stuck-up boy who never seemed to leave her alone.

That sounded like a terrible idea.

“Uh, I’m actually a little busy right now, sorry Matthew,” she said without looking at him, fully intending to start speed-walking away at 70 miles per hour.

“But everyone’s waiting on you!”

“Then tell them to start without me,” she replied, hoping her voice was stern enough to scare him away.

“We can’t start without you! We’ll be on hole five before you show up.” There was a hint of anger and his voice, and sure, it was probably justified, but Gigi didn’t like the sound of it, not one bit.

“Well maybe I don’t wanna spend my afternoon playing fucking golf,” she spat, her brows furrowed and a tightness rising in her chest. She hadn’t meant to sound so aggressive, to escalate the conversation like that, but she had already come too far to turn back.“Maybe I’ve got better things to do.”

Matthew was silent for a moment, his face stoic. Gigi could practically see the cogs turning in his brain before he spoke again. “What, Gigi? What better things do you have to do? Because as far as I can see, you’re wandering around alone doing nothing.”

Shit. She bit the inside of her cheek, staying silent.

“Come on, Gigi. It’s the least you can do,” he continued. “You don’t wanna upset your family, do you? Your dad was just saying how he wondered why you never spend any time with the family anymore, right before I came to find you.”

Gigi wanted to slap him around the face at that, because god damn it, he knew exactly what he was doing, the smug bastard. Gigi was trapped - she couldn’t risk telling him the truth about her and Crystal, especially since he seemed to be so buddy-buddy with her parents. And any lie she would’ve told wouldn’t have worked, either, because what could be so important in a country club that she’d have to give up spending time with her family?

And the cherry on the top of the cake was his mention of her dad’s suspicions. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Gigi knew that her parents would start to get suspicious of her whereabouts eventually, and the last thing she wanted was for her dad to find out about the waitress she had been spending quite a lot of time with, and destroy the only thing that was keeping her going.

She was well and truly screwed.

“Fine, I’ll come,” she sighed in defeat. Her heart was heavy as Matthew grinned, and as she followed him to the golf course, her limbs felt like lead.

The guilt felt hollow in her chest, but it weighed her down like an anchor as she trudged to the golf course, worries and thoughts of Crystal becoming all-consuming.

She knew Crystal would be waiting for her. And she could only imagine the disappointment she’d face when Gigi didn’t turn up.

***

Needless to say, Gigi did not enjoy the game of golf that afternoon.

She couldn’t remember who won - she hadn’t really been paying any attention. She couldn’t pay attention, not when worries were swimming in her brain like fucking Olympic athletes. She hadn’t remembered golf taking so long before. She was sure it had been the longest game of her life. Or, at least, it felt that way.

The second she had putted the ball in the ninth hole, she was off, frantically saying goodbye to her family, and heading straight for the tennis courts.

She knew she was delusional. She knew Crystal wouldn’t be there. Her break was only so long, and the game of golf had taken hours. But she had to check. Just to be sure she wasn’t still waiting.

She didn’t know what she had been expecting, but when she reached their court and found it completely deserted, her heart sank to her feet. She didn’t even want to begin thinking about how Crystal felt. How long she had waited before inevitably giving up. How she probably hated Gigi now. How she was angry and upset, and it was all Gigi’s fault.

Gigi found herself blinking back tears.

She had to apologise, and fast.

***

Nine o’ clock struck, and Gigi was waiting in the front lobby.

She had tried to find Crystal all evening, but she had no success. But she was not about to sleep on this and let the emotions fester. No, she needed to say sorry and explain, right now.

She knew Crystal’s shift finished at 9pm or 10pm, depending on the day. She showed up at 8:45, just to be safe. And she would’ve waited until midnight if she had to.

Luckily, she didn’t have to.

Crystal strode out from a ‘staff only’ door the second nine o clock hit, her red hair wild around her head and a backpack on her shoulder. And, thankfully for Gigi, she was alone. She was busily typing something on her phone, and didn’t even look up for long enough to notice Gigi lingering by the door. Or at least that’s what Gigi hoped. She hoped she wasn’t purposefully ignoring her.

Gigi scanned the area with her eyes, making sure no one was paying attention to them, before grabbing Crystal by the arm, stopping her in her tracks. Crystal looked up from her phone in shock, and upon locking eyes with Gigi, her face stilled, emotionless.

“I need to talk to you,” Gigi said.

Crystal was quiet for a moment, before she mumbled an “okay,” and without another word, she led Gigi out the door. They made their way to Crystal’s car, parked in the staff lot just outside the main entrance, for some privacy, Gigi supposed.

Gigi hadn’t seen that type of car before. It was small and old and a rusty red colour, sort of like her hair. It looked a little run down, and it was definitely not what Gigi was used to, but the seats had leopard-print coverings and it felt very Crystal. Crystal unlocked the door and clambered into the driver’s seat, Gigi hopping in on the other side and shutting the door.

It was already 9pm, but it hadn’t gotten dark yet, and the two of them were left staring at the evening sky through the windscreen, orange and pink and red. They were quiet for a few moments, both staring into space and not quite sure what to say, not exactly sure how to put their emotions to words. Gigi wanted to speak, wanted desperately to apologise, but now that she had the opportunity the words weren’t coming to her, and she was hitting a roadblock.

“If you’re here to tell me you don’t wanna talk to me anymore, I got your message loud and clear when you stood me up,” Crystal said, breaking the silence and staring straight ahead blankly.

“What?”

“I should’ve seen it coming sooner,” she continued, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. “Our talks obviously meant more to me than to you. I should’ve known you wouldn’t care about a fucking waitress.”

“What? No, Crystal, that’s not what this is about.”

“Then what is it about?” she said, turning to Gigi sharply, and whilst her tone was cutting, Gigi could see the pain behind her eyes. “Why didn’t you show up?”

“I couldn’t,” Gigi said, and the tears were back in her eyes again. It took all of her willpower to keep them from brimming their banks. “Matthew came by and told me that we were playing golf and that the whole family was waiting on me and that my dad was getting suspicious and I couldn’t risk him finding out about us, because I can’t lose you,” she rambled, choking up.

She met Crystal’s gaze, and there was something new in the way she looked at her. It was almost like she pitied her.

Gigi was sure she had never been pitied in her life, at least not to her knowledge. How could she be? She was from a fucking multimillionaire family. She had all the best clothes, the best car, the best house, any material thing she could ever want and then some. She wasn’t oblivious to her privilege. She knew full well how lucky she was, and she hated the guilt that came with it. How could anyone pity someone who could have anything they wanted, when people would kill to have a fraction of the money she had?

Little did everyone know that the things Gigi wanted were the only things she couldn’t have. A normal life. A stable family. To be open and honest about who she truly was.

But more than anything, she wanted Crystal.

Crystal reached out a hand and grasped Gigi’s, tethering her back to reality.

“It’s okay, Gigi, I get it,” she said softly, but despite her sympathy Gigi could tell all was not fixed just yet. “You could’ve texted me or something, though.”

Shit. Holy shit. Gigi could’ve texted her. But she had been so caught up in her head, it didn’t occur to her.

“Fuck, Crystal, I didn’t even think of that,” she confessed, her body going rigid and her muscles tensing. “I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking dumb. I should’ve texted you, that would’ve been so obvious, god I’m such an idiot.” The tears had started to escape her eyes now though, rolling painfully slowly over her cheekbones. “I’m so sorry I let you down. I’m a fucking bitch. I never meant to hurt you. I totally understand if you hate me now, I should’ve told-“

Before she could finish her sentence, Crystal cupped her face with her hands.

And suddenly, her lips were on Gigi’s.

The kiss was soft. It was slow, and gentle, and Gigi found her stress disintegrating away slowly, leaving her body. Crystal’s lips moved on hers with patience, lazily, as if she had all day to linger on Gigi’s lips, and Gigi felt herself melt into the feeling, her brain empty. It was tender. It was sunsets and sugary candy floss and warmth.

And then, the warmth turned to heat. Gigi’s hands found their way into Crystal’s mane of red hair, and Crystal’s grip on her cheek became a little firmer, and they kissed each other a little harder, a little more passionately, as if they needed it to breathe - though really, Gigi’s breath had been taken away. Suddenly, Gigi’s empty brain was filled with thoughts of Crystal’s tongue and Crystal’s teeth and Crystal’s lips, and all of her senses were overwhelmed. Kissing Crystal was electric and explosive and addictive. It was bonfires and fireworks and passion.

And Gigi felt the puzzle pieces finally slot back into place.

She was sure she had never loved someone like this before.

They broke apart, and Gigi could feel her heart in her throat and a tightness in her chest, overwhelmed and emotional. Crystal smiled at her. A real, genuine smile.

“It’s okay, Gigi,” she whispered, stroking her cheek. “I forgive you.”

And with that, Gigi’s world was perfectly okay again.

“Thank you,” she said, her own smile returning to her face. Crystal beamed, and Gigi decided she never wanted to forget just how beautiful she looked when she grinned. “You’re a really good kisser,” she added when she had caught her breath, because, fuck it, it was true.

Crystal looked pleasantly surprised. “Wow, thanks,” she said, giggling a little. “I’ve, uh, I’ve never actually kissed someone before. Before just now,” she added nervously.

Gigi’s jaw dropped. “Seriously? You were great!” she exclaimed.

“Well, I guess I was just born with the gift, then,” she said, putting on a cocky act. “I can’t help it, I’m just so talented.” she said with a cheesy wink.

Gigi dissolved into laughter, and she couldn’t help but agree.

“Will you show me your talents again, kissing-expert?”

Crystal rolled her eyes dramatically, but couldn’t hide her bright smile. “If I must, miss Goode.”

They hadn’t kissed immediately, but rather they kissed when Gigi was least expecting it.

And they did not plan on stopping any time soon.

[thisolddag]

Our Family Unplugged For 24 Hours. Here’s What Happened.

Back in September, our thirteen-year-old son finally got his own room. We converted the playroom by dragging in his bed and desk from the room he used to share with his little brother. The new “bedroom” still has bins of Legos and Thomas trains and action figures hidden in drawers, and it’s still painted a cheery bright teal, and he let me keep yesteryear scribbly artwork up, and it doesn’t quite fit his current cool, detached teenager image - but it’s got a TV and it is His Own Personal Space. 

From which he hardly ever retreats.

This is the first thing. The fact that we have for all intents and purposes, momentarily “lost” contact with him. It’s normal, I know this - normal to want to burrow away and figure things out in solace, normal for someone who is 13 and looks 16 and is wracked with evolving feelings and changing body. I get it.

But this new room, and this new kid (who is now taller than me) got me missing things. Missing how things used to be before we walked around with devices in our hands. Because the truth is we are - all four us in this house - burrowed away in our own Personal Spaces. Eyes down, time wasted, hours spent scrolling, clicking, forwarding, deleting. Even the ten-year-old who doesn’t have a phone, has an iPad and access to a computer - and so while we still play board games, and eat dinner as a family, watch movies together sometimes - the cold, hard truth is that any leisure time to spare is time spent alone, in some corner, staring down at a screen.

So when I came across Tiffany Shlain’s new book “24/6: The Power of Unplugging One Day A Week” it was like a plea, a dare, and an answer all rolled into one. The next day, I called a family meeting. 

“We’re going to implement a Tech Shabbat. We are going to unplug for twenty-four hours. No iPhones, no iPads, no computers. ALL of us. We will have a landline, a list of phone numbers to call people if we want, and one TV to share, in the family room.”

The ten year old was excited.

The thirteen year old cried.

He shed actual tears, and his reaction - fear, confusion, desperation, fury - further cemented my decision. 

Yesterday was our first unplugged Sunday.

And here are my take-aways.

THINGS THAT WERE SURPRISING

1. Teenagers are resistant and reluctant to use phones for anything other than texting. I had to implore my 13 yr old to pick up the house phone and call his friends (they were supposed to meet up for Superbowl hangout that evening.) “Nobody calls anybody! Nobody leaves voice messages. Nobody checks voicemail!” “They won’t know this number. They won’t pick up.” He was correct on all accounts. I had to call parents and inform them that it was, in fact, our son calling from a landline, that this was no prank. The kids who ended up calling back didn't know to how to greet me. They stammered and hemmed and hawed. The idea that reaching out to a friend did not guarantee a direct connection with said friend, was foreign and stupid and strange. This all blew my mind.

2. The day felt incredibly long and languid. It unfolded slowly. When we get on a device, time is sucked up so quickly. I liken it to being in a casino. Minutes fly by, the whole concept of time is warped, thwarted, eradicated. Many times a day, I take my phone out of my pocket and there I am - Instagram, Facebook, Flipboard, Twitter, Matchington Mansion - and when I slip it back into my pocket, I’m unaware of how much time has passed. An hour? Twenty minutes? I don't register it, and yet, it’s gone in a flash.

3. I didn’t miss the things I thought I would. I didn’t miss social media, I didn't miss news notifications popping up, I didn't even miss the Marco Polos I love exchanging with a group of close friends. I didn’t miss getting emails. I didn’t miss looking around for my phone or “alone time.” I still had my alone time except it was quieter - an aloneness with my thoughts, observing things instead of being distracted by them. I didn’t miss being available and connected to an outside world. When I started wondering about how someone was doing, I picked up the house phone and gave them a ring. I left a message and hoped they’d call back. It felt freeing. It felt authentic. My husband felt the same. However, our oldest son’s biggest worry was missing out. He still got dropped off at his friend’s house for the SuperBowl party (the only kid there without a phone, I'm sure) and he still had loads of fun. In fact, when I called the kid’s house later that night to check up on him, he sounded energetic and happy and even ended the conversation with “I love you, mom.” But later he mentioned experiencing anxiety - feeling like he was missing out on “something important” by not having access to his phone. To him, having his phone nearby means having his friends nearby. Without it, he feels lost, unmoored. That admission made me think about how hard it is for our kids, who have grown up used to being “connected” all the time.

4. Landlines are FUN. My friends called a few times, and I would slightly thrill at the sound of a phone ringing throughout the house, and I’d run downstairs to pick up the receiver in time, smiling. As we talked, one friend commented how it felt like we were sixteen, hanging off our beds, twirling our hair, talking about our crushes. 

5. My husband and I worked on a crossword puzzle over coffee and breakfast. I also finished a jigsaw puzzle in one afternoon, which I’d been working on for weeks. I read a lot. My boys lay together on the couch and agreed on what to watch on the one TV we could use. They hung out more than they had in a long, long time. We all felt relaxed. I ended up watching the Superbowl because by 9pm, I was too tired to start another jigsaw puzzle, too tired to read, so what else was there to do? I laid on the couch and learned about fumbles, and touchdowns, and cheered for the Chiefs and I kind of got into it. Who the fuck would have thunk. 

THINGS THAT WERE ANNOYING

1. I couldn’t take pictures. That sucked. 

2. Traveling was unsettling. When the boys went to SkyZone, I didn't like not being able to get in touch with them. Granted, my sister and her husband and kid were there too, and I called her, but still. I thought about car accidents or something random and awful happening while they were out, and I worried about when they’d get home. That kinda sucked too. It felt like an old yet unfamiliar sensation - not knowing what was going on at every single moment. 

3. We couldn't order anything online. We couldn't use GrubHub or DoorDash, or GoogleMaps. We couldn’t just like check the weather with a swipe of one finger. Not having the everyday convenience of being online was a bit of a bother, but we survived. It made me realize that we have gotten lazy about daily tasks, and that part of our brain has BECOME our iPhone. 

4. I snacked a lot. Without my calorie counting and fitness apps to log my food intake, I suddenly found myself snacking on junk. I did work out, but eating that day became a sort of time filler, and the feeling reminded me of quitting cigarettes and turning to food. That was unforeseen, and I did not like it.

THINGS THAT WERE PROFOUND

1. All day, we felt like we were together in the same space. We retreated less often. We felt serene, light on our feet. We settled into feeling bored, or lazy, or inspired. We gave each other more attention but somehow felt less encumbered upon. It was really, really lovely and soothing. Putting away our devices felt like going on vacation. When we went to bed, I felt closer to my husband. I felt like we had truly shared the day. And both us were not exactly looking forward to Monday, because it felt like going back to the grind. Already there was a bubble of anxiety in our chests, a feeling of weight on our shoulders. Also, I had 127 emails waiting for me this morning and not a one of them was something that desperately should have been answered yesterday. So there was that realization too. The world won’t fall apart if you check out for one day.

2. Twenty-fours can change you. It is a small amount of time, yet our 24 hours unplugged felt so incredibly substantial and so behavior-altering that it made me pause and realize just how addicted we have become to always being connected to the outside world via technology. It’s fucking bizarre, if you think about it. 

3. Unplugging and reaping the benefits will only work when the adults in the house do it too. We already have a Device Free day and have had it for years, but it only applied to the kids. It has never felt as pure, and as important and GOOD, as yesterday, when the rules applied to all of us. Taking electronic away from the kids, while being allowed ourselves because “we didn't grow up with this, so we’re not addicted to it” - is like telling someone to go on a diet and eating cake in front of them all day, because well, you personally don't have an issue with weight. Suddenly, it became clear: to be together, we have to do this together.

Moral of the story: this was a pretty amazing experience, as trivial as it seemed to some. If you are feeling burdened, stressed out, fractured, cranky with your kids, your partner - I highly recommend investing in a landline, writing down phone numbers, picking a weekend day, and trying it out. It will feel new and beautiful, and reassuring somehow. Because while there were moments when obviously we went our own ways, did our own thing, we still felt as one. There were no walls, no apps, no texts getting in the way of figuring out and enjoying the day. We were fully present with each other, with ourselves - aware of time but not panicked or confined by it. 

In her book, Tiffany Shlain writes that her family has been unplugging one day a week for ten years now. I don’t know how long we’ll last, but all I know is this - we can’t wait for next Sunday.

[judecz]

damn, lucy, back at it again. this is the second love of my life, jude ! i am here for all the plots, so please, slide into my IMs & i’ll love you forever. click under the cut to hear me rant some more about this jerk, or give me a like to slide into ur d-scord ;~) ! you can check out his factfile here and his pinterest here !

TW: addiction ( drug + alcohol ), physical abuse, death !!!

 [ LORENZO ZURZOLO / ARETE / MNEMOSYNE / MUSE 20 ] / [ JUDE CZERNY ] is a [ 21 ] year old [ MATHEMATICS ] major. [ HE ] is known for being [ GRITTY & LAID-BACK ] but [ FLIPPANT & MOODY ].  when i think of them, i imagine [ BLOODY KNUCKLES, SOUR CANDY, SPRINTS TO THE FINISH LINE, CHEAP T-SHIRTS ]. and even though they’re a proud HU student now, we all have our roots. theirs run back to them being an [ OAK PARK - COPERNICUS ] graduate.  i asked around and it turns out they [ ARE ] an AOP student. in their interview, they managed to woo the admissions team by [ CREATING A NEW PROOF FOR THE BIRCH AND SWINNERTON-DYER CONJECTURE ]. i guess that’s all there is to know! unless…

when you’re born, you’re an inconvenience. it’s 9pm on christmas eve when you come wailing into the world. neither the nurse that swaddles you tightly nor your parents particularly want to be in the cold hospital, shivering under neon fairy lights in the depth of a south chicagoan winter. neither do you. 

while you’re young, your mama is your hero. you don’t realise it yet, but she’s got a problem; there’s a reason why she sits zoned out on the couch as you tug at her cardigan, why your older brother has to cook you breakfast, brush your hair. and god bless him, he does it dutifully. when your mother tries to sober up, though, she’s perfect. she sings you lullabies in czech and kisses your nose, and you wish every night on the streetlight outside your window that the next day will be a good day.

most of the time, it isn’t. ruth sits complacent on the couch, glazed eyes fixed on the broken television. yet, even when she’s like this; she’s still better than your father. john drinks like a fish, and it brings out the worst side of him. he’s the most violent person you know. after every lost bet, every long night in the bar, you cower with your brother in your shared bed, head underneath the covers. yet it’s always still you that bears the brunt of his wrath.

it’s not your fault. thomas is the oldest, and the only useful one. phillip’s still small and cute, a couple of years younger than you, and looks exactly like your father. it’s you that’s stuck in the middle; you have your mother’s dreamy eyes and the sharp nose of your father, and it’s not enough to stop him from picking at you, pulling you apart. you always disliked him because he disliked you, right from the start.

you live like this for a long time. it’s not until you’re thirteen that your father drinks himself to death. he picks a fight with the wrong person, and bleeds out in an alleyway outside his favourite bar. despite all this, you can’t bring yourself to grieve. too often has your skin been tainted the same shade as your funeral suit from your father’s fists. good riddance.

your mom tries. she really does. but she can’t bring herself to get clean, even with your pleading. one day, they walk in on her shooting up. it’s essentially a death sentence for your family.

so instead, you three boys were torn from the last semblance of normality you had. no one wants three dysfunctional delinquents, but you cling together. screaming, tantrums, breaking things; you’ll anything to stop them from splitting you up. you’re not allowed any contact with your mother, and it breaks your heart, over and over again.

you never find a home for longer than a month. moving from group home to group home, they all have one quality in common: no one there really cares about you. quickly, you turn to crime. your father had taught you how to hotwire a care when you seven, baby-cheeked and innocent. he taught you how to pick a lock when you were six. it was the only thing he was good for.

it started with breaking and entering. you usually get away with it, too. burglary is easy when you were scrawny and small, and can shimmy in a window in seconds. besides, the money helps provide for the three of you; you run away often enough. you have to fend for yourself. at one point, you manage to spend an entire month homeless. but at least you’re still together.

as you grow older, you grow better at what you do. carjacking and vandalism seem more and more fun. the kids at the foster homes aren’t exactly shining examples, either; you were either being tossed around by the older kids, or asked to join in their schemes. you much preferred the second option. 

your life continues like this until you’re sixteen. you learn to throw a solid left hook quickly. you switch from high school to high school as you move from house to house, never able to settle. but you have your brothers. you’re as close to happy as you can be. then everything goes wrong. thomas gets caught.

you can’t let him get locked up. he’s just turned eighteen, and that means prison time. so instead, you take the fall. vandalism. breaking and entering. theft. willful destruction of property. you stand in front of the judge; she’s a pristine blonde woman from the lake forest suburbs, and she is not lenient on you. it’s juvenile prison or nothing. as your brothers watch on, you’re led away.

you spend a year there. it’s worse than any foster home, but you develop a thick skin. at least all the punches you take aren’t for nothing. it’s here that you learn you have dyslexia & adhd. it’s here you’re blinded in one eye after another inmate gets hold of a knife, catches you in the dark, makes you pay for someone else’s sins. it’s also here that you learn you’re extraordinarily gifted at maths. a prodigy, someone calls you. it’s funny. at school you had sat at the back of the classroom, never able to see the blackboard in maths class.

when you turn seventeen, you’re let out. thomas is nineteen, working as a mechanic, trying to make a legitimate living. quickly, he gets the paperwork sorted to make him your legal guardian, and phillip’s too; for the first time, the three of you are reunited again. 

you finish your final year of high school at oak park academy. you’d won a scholarship while in juvy, swearing you’d never return to the halls of your old school. oak park is an opportunity you’d never even dreamed of. you keep your head down and for the first time, you enjoy school. you make a few friends. no one here knows your troubled past, and you don’t tell them. you fly through maths problems like they’re simple sums, but english still evades you. you persevere, however, and graduate at the end of a long twelve months. not long enough. you wonder what your life would be like if you’d been here all along. 

and with the opportunity of oak park, comes hatchett. you applied to every university in the country, but you have your eye on one in particular. you turn up to your interview, stomach churning and hands shaking. still, you spit numbers like they’re silver, quick fingers scraping chalk across the blackboard, ignoring the observant eyes of the panel. you work like you’ve never worked before. by the time you leave, your arms are dusted with white, your brow sweaty; but from the approving looks, your heart soars. you get your acceptance letter, and you glow. a full ride. it’s a blank page, simply waiting. 

before you leave chicago for good, however, you have one last thing to do. after a mile long trail of paper and records, of doors slammed in your face and unanswered calls, you find your mom again. you’re surprised she’s still alive. she cries when you show up at her door, and your heart still bleeds when you watch her. even now you still call her, your voice thick with affection; yet you still tell people both your parents are dead. it’s easier that way.

your label is mnemosyne; memory. the memory of the life you used to live haunts you, like a ghost, long fingers digging into every corner of your brain. you’ll never forget the sharp glint of a knife, the screeching sirens of a police car, the smell of blood fresh on your knuckles. still, you tell yourself. you can change, you can change. you’re a shapeshifter now, boy. you’ve erased your old life from both your memory and everybody elses’. no-one needs to know — so you keep the memories of the real you tucked away deep inside your mind. you remember the soft smell of your mother’s hair. the pattern on your childhood duvet. your brother’s laugh, your brother’s crooked smile. you remember the important things, and leave the rest to be washed away by the tide of memory.

[reddieforakiss]

Hold Me Tightly But Not Too Close

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 1380

Warnings: this fic contains emotional descriptions of what it’s like recovering from eating disorders.

Desc: Eddie kaspbrak has struggled with eating disorders since he was a child and they still haunt him today. Richie Tries to be the best boyfriend he can to Eddie. Eddie tries to brave it himself but sometimes he just needs a little comfort.

AO3 LINK

-

Eddie laid on his back on the bed with his headphones in, not listening to what was playing. His entire body felt like pins and needles, vibrating static that made his limbs sensitive to even dust particles. He didn’t dare move, and hadn’t for hours, because if he moved he knew he’d have a break down and he just didn’t need that right now.

Eddies stomach grumbled and ached and it made his brain hurt. He was trying so damn hard to be recovery focused so he knew he was supposed to hate the feeling, but he couldn’t help but feel a hint of pride at the ache in his gut. It was the same way he felt pride when he was cold compared to everyone else in a room, he knew he shouldn’t but fuck if a small part of his brain didn’t need just love it. Those things meant he was finally pretty, but then again fuck no they didn’t. “Being starving isn’t pretty”, he spoke to the empty room. “Can you just fuck off?”, Eddie whined and put his hands over his eyes, “it’s been 9 god damn years please just let me eat like a normal human”. Speaking to his eating disorder like it was another person was something he did often, it seemed to sometimes help to seperate it from his brain for a while but right now was not one of those times.

———-

6 hours. Eddie has counted 6 hours since he had last eaten. He had been hungry for the past 2 but putting anything in his mouth seemed near impossible. Even the thought of eating felt like giving up and made his eyes water in fear. He had eaten 1000 calories today and by now it was 9pm. He knew he was supposed to eat atleast 1800 as requested by his previous dietitian but it was so hard. Eddie kept trying to remember he should eat more but his brain wouldn’t hear it. It felt as though there was a barrier there, the second he spoke the specifics of how little he consumed his brain would just freeze and block it out. He hated that. So fucking much. So so fucking much. He was so angry. This disorder had robbed his body and mind of so much and it still wasn’t gone. He felt himself tear up. “God damn it no not right now”, he whispered, as the small droplets in his eyes got larger and began to run down his cheeks. The tears were slow and warm, he could feel them go down his face and over his neck which made him cringe. He hated his neck. Double chin. He hated everything. He couldn’t even think.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and the jingle of keys. ‘Fuck’, Eddie thought to himself. “Hey Eds, suprise it’s me! You’re faaaaavorite boy toy!”, Richie’s voice boomed from the now closing doorway. Eddies eyes went wide, he couldn’t let Richie know he was struggling, he couldn’t fucking do it, he couldn’t- “hey Eddie”, Richie had entered the room. Eddie looked up at his boyfriend, wishing and trying to will the tears away. He hated seeming weak, and at the rate his recovery process had been declining in the past few days he couldn’t take talking to richie about it yet again. “Hey babe, what brings you here, no head up?”, Eddie tried to let out a laugh but it felt forced and weak. Richie furrowed his eyebrows and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking down at Eddie, “I came to suprise you with snacks and a movie night”, he paused, “are you okay baby?”.

The genuine concern in Richie’s voice made Eddies skin crawl, being cared for was nice but damn if it didn’t make him feel guilty. “You know the answer to that Richie but I don’t want to worry you”, Eddie looked away ashamed, “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can do movie night”. Richie frowned further in worry as he looked down at Eddie, “but baby I want to know, it’s my job to worry”. “No it’s not Richie”. “Yes Eddie, it is”, he leaned down and brushed his thumb over Eddies cheek. Eddie whimpered, “No richie. Please don’t worry. I’m meant to have this happen or I’ll never be attractive”, he regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. Eddie didn’t want compliments he didn’t want to have Richie make him feel attractive, well fuck he did want it but he didn’t deserve it. “Baby, you know that I think you are the prettiest boy in the world right?”, Richie kicked off his Sandles and moved to lay down next to Eddie. “I know what you think Richie”, Eddie said almost shortly, “but it doesn’t make it right”. “Yes it does Eddie, I’m always right remember”, Richie said to try and get a smile from his boyfriend. “No richie not on this”, Eddie moved closer to Richie’s chest, “Richie I’m so ugly”. Richie started to reply but Eddie hissed out, “no richie let me talk”. “ I’m ugly richie. I don’t care what you say. I’m ugly and fat and disgusting. When people see us together they pity you for being with me. When people see me in public they laugh because they may be fat but thank god they aren’t as fat as me right?”, Eddie laughed sadly, “I’m disgusting. If I wasn’t disgusting then why did everyone at my school tell me so? Why do people stare at me in public? Why can I not look in the mirror without wanting to cry? Richie I hate my body more than you will ever know and I can’t fucking tell you about it because I know it hurts you but richie it’s killing me”, Eddie cried. “Richie is killing me and I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I go between not being able to eat to not being able to stop eating. I see empty bathroom stalls Richie and I feel so fucking tempted. I see vomit on floors and I feel jealous. I see the razors in the shower and I want nothing more than to take them apart and carve words into my skin because I’m fucking disgusting Richie I’m awful! And I don’t know how to fuck you don’t see that”, Eddie sobbed and almost screamed as he buried his head in Richie’s chest to signify he was done. All the things he wanted to say were said. And he knew it hurt Richie, he fucking knew it did but he had to say it. He had to.

Silence hung in the air for a moment. Eddie crying and terrified he’d broken his boyfriend. “Eddie”, Richie said softly, “no offense but shut the fuck up”. Eddie started to cry harder now, hating harsh words. Richie cringed, shit. “Listen Eddie”, Richie said, moving his hand to sift through his boyfriends hair, “I love you but you’re wrong”.

Richie kisses Eddies forehead and held him tight, “youre so god damn wrong baby”. Richie held Eddie right and kept kissing the top of his head as Eddie cried softly. “So wrong”.

After 30 minutes of silent holding, Eddies stomachs growled audibly. “Baby”, Richie said with a soft concern, “when did you last eat?”. “I don’t know like 6ish hours ago”, Eddie whispered knowing what Richie would say next. “And how much did you eat?”. “Enough I guess I don’t know richie I’m hungry but 1000 calories is a lot and I just don’t wanna eat and-“. Richie lifted up Eddies face to look at him. It was pink and puffy and swollen with drying and still wet tears. “We need to get food in you eddie, it’s a requirement”. Eddie spoke weakly, “Richie I don’t want to”. Richie looked in his eyes, “Eddie please, for me?”, and he gave Eddie the look. The look Eddie had come to know as the way richie looked when he was genuinely worried or scared, he’d seen it every time eddie hurt himself or Richie accidentally hurt Eddie. Eddie frowned, “fine”.

———-

Richie and Eddie had a few snacks but Richie didn’t force anyhing too much and they watched a movie.

[maribelsawyer]

- ̗̀ * ( ella purnell + cisfemale + she/her ) have you seen ( maribel sawyer ) walking around campus ? they are a ( nineteen ) year old, studying ( journalism ). we hear they are in ( delta gamma chi ), and can be ( benevolent & impressionable ), maybe it’s because they are a ( gemini ). they sort of remind us of ( scraped knees , magnifying glasses , vintage oxfords ), maybe we can find out more ! *  ̖́-  + newspaper writer

god okay looks like i’ve fallen in love w ella purnell and i want to b her. anyways maribel is my newest baby n im sorta making her up as i go so pls bare w me lmao

TW: eating disorder mentions, subtle abuse?

{she is not currently in that mindset ^}

gen. info

full name: maribel ottoline sawyer

nickname(s): mari, bell, lottie b/c middle name, etc. etc. just sawyer sometimes idk

b.o.d. - june 1st, 19 yrs old

label(s): the marionette, the demure, the prevaricator, etc. etc.

height: like 5′3″ prolly tbh

hometown: duluth, minnesota

sexuality: shit she don’t know

bio. info

her dad’s in the air force, her mom’s published three diet cookbooks and two different DVDs--maribel is the only middle child

one of those conservative, all american families, they were strict and definitely made it known that they were parents and not friends by any means

9pm curfew, not leaving the dining room until all ur food is gone, grounded if ur grades were below their expectations, etc. etc. 

her older sister can evoke emotions in others thru her acting like no other. has taken the hearts (and leads) of all her acting directors since childhood. her voice is broadway material.

and her older brother? has been the best linebacker on any high school team he’s joined; hopes to make it to the big leagues. but if he doesn’t? he’s been taking college-level classes since he was a sophomore.

and...maribel?

maribel is...just, maribel.

for the longest time, there was nothing special about maribel

she couldn’t sing, or dance, or compose words in pretty prose

her grades were only satisfactory after hrs n hrs of studying everyday

homegirl can’t even cook w/o smth exploding

in short, maribel has never been good at anything. can’t draw within the lines, can’t follow the line, opens her mouth at the wrong time. etc. etc. shit? rough.

ANYWAYS

her family moves around a lot b/c of her dad, so she’s never really been in one place long enough to really prove herself? always been the quiet girl in class while her siblings brought home gold stars everyday

the kinda girl others would sorta push around n bully a lil bit bc she would never know what to say; prolly just cried a lot tbh

grew up w a lot of insecurities b/c of this

definitely doesnt help that her mother is obsessed w beauty n fitness n like

their mother p much forced her lifestyle onto her children, mari has a rough relationship w food b/c of it

ANYWAYS part 2

grew up always in the shadows of her siblings and their accomplishments, and spent a lot of her time tryn find something to be good at just so somebody could give her a stamp of approval

was always the ~wannabe~, the girl who would just endlessly suck up to the most popular girl she could find and try to mimic her to the best of mari’s abilities, just so she could survive her school experience

by the time mari was a freshmen in high school, her parents had divorced and she finally thought she could have a normal school experience and make something for herself

obv not. her mother shipped her off to a boarding school in nevada and that was it; her sister had already graduated and her brother was still in middle school.

it was finally just mari.

of course like she tried to suck up to others but it wasn’t really helpful, everybody was a lil too boujie for her and she always froze up when she tried to speak to the ~popular kids~

they only rly spoke to her b/c she’s got this knack for forging shit, like i dont think she even has her own handwriting; she always copies other people’S b/c she’s just. so used to tryn to mimic others n be them as much as possible

around this time she found herself fucking around in her computer class more often than not; it’d been the only elective left b/c she arrived in the middle of the year

but she surprisingly enjoyed it, like, a lot

her parents never really allowed much computer use b/c like. rots ur brain or whatever.

got into programming, but when she found out that u could ? hack shit ? kinda peaked her interest.

her shift into programming to hacking was subtle but before she knew it, she was fucking around on websites for the fun of it. never anything severe

computers became her friends, y’know

that was until her sophomore year and there was another loser fucking around on the computers during lunchtime

and like...they just started kinda talking, y’know? became friends, prolly mari’s first legitimate friend in...forever, really

the kid was kinda weird but she didn’t mind b/c fuck, mari couldn’t be picky n she didn’t mind weird

like...they were obsessed w conspiracies n mysteries n shit

it started to rub off on mari too, b/c homegirl is an idiot but. an observant idiot.

so she started getting reeeally into mysteries and shit. started acting like a mini investigator w/ her pal; solving stupid things like ‘who wrote ‘mindy is a whore’ in the bathroom stall’ and ‘does mr. roberts have a secret obsession w kpop’

no mindy is not a whore it was slander

yes mr. roberts is into kpop

ANYWAYS part 3

so they were these nancy drew, scooby doo, veronica mars knock off duo

by junior yr her partner started getting into like. drinking and minor drugs and other things that the other boarding school kids were smuggling in, y’know. 

this meant that mari was getting into that shit too, y’know. cant stay innocent forever.

became a lil bit of a pothead lmao

so like now theyre just stoners who go around solving shit and prolly also stirring shit up for the hell of it

so like . . . . . one night they were doin’ their thing, right? and her partner brings up this...completely wild idea

they live in nevada. y’kno what else is in nevada?

area 51

these fucking idiots want to go break into this fucking. air force base. to find area 51.

guess what they did?

they attempted to break into the air force base. like. of course they tried.

they failed like, super miserably, got arrested for trespassing and had to be bailed out of the county jail by their parents

her dad almost lost his job so he was mcfuckin PISSED esp once they figured out she was high as shit

her partner? disappeared. nobody knows where they went.

mari was moved from the boarding school to a public school closer to where her mother could, begrudgingly, keep an eye on her

kinda spent the rest of her high school career p miserable, she gave up on her whole ~detective~ thing and resorted to making fake IDs for her fellow high schoolers

was drug-tested like every week or so, too

around this time her mental health and relationship w food got worse, she barely made it to graduation. took a gap year to recover, worked a buncha jobs but usually gets fired from them b/c she’s really fucking bad like most things besides her two (2) unconventional talents that are decidedly useless

came to ucla b/c her mother p much made her, her mother’s a legacy and that’s about the only reason why she got into delta gamma chi

doesn’t want ppl to know she was a loser and also like . fucked up her dad’s life a lil, b/c it was def a thing that made the news and the only reason why her name wasn’t in the articles was b/c she was a minor at the time

so she like...lies abt her childhood a lot

tells a lotta lil white lies b/c she just. doesn’t wanna b her

uuuhh wanted to do computer science bc she loves it but her parents were both like ‘lmao we’re not paying for shit if u do that’ bc they don’t think it’s very ~ladylike~ n they still want her to like. just be submissive and obedient n shit.

so she took up journalism b/c neither her parents think it’s like a real career and they just want her to find a husband n get married n settle down n stop being troublesome

fun fact: she has a scholarship for being lefthanded so that pays for Some of it esp b/c she’s an out of state student

still struggles a lil bit w food but she’s like. doing a lot better. goes to group therapy, probably

uuuh that’s it for now i think ??

OH SIKE !! she’s a writer for the newspaper and writes ADVICE columns on various topics b/c she’s good at offering advice but only when she can sit down n think abt it lmao

^^she goes by an alias b/c she just. doesnt want ppl to know its her idk she thinks its embarrassing

other than that she’s probably like ... doing campus tech support b/c that’s her current job but who knows how long that’ll last lmao

knowing her she’s going to accidentally switch into her phone sex voice (another, old job she doesn’t do anymore) n get fired for tryn seduce a man with ‘did u try turning it on and off again?’

OKAY i think that’s all lmao

personality

mari is just. awkward, man

i mean like...she’s sorta bad at talking to others a lot of the time??

like ppl r kinda like ‘how tf r u a delta gamma chi girl’ n she’s just like i mean u  h h h h 

prolly stutters a lil bit b/c she’s usually rly anxious

but she’s v v nice, like, she tries her hardest to be a good friend n everything

but she also kinda switches her personality to appeal to whoever she’s talking too ?? like she wants to be. likable. she’s not real w/ others v v often

if ur boujie yeah she’ll pretend to be boujie too

she prolly still sells fake IDs to high schoolers n some of her college peers, she has one herself n hasn’t gotten caught yet sooo

always fidgets like she can’t rly sit still often b/c she’s so nervous

is a lil bit of a stoner but i feel like u can’t ever tell tbh

a lil shy n hesitant at first i’d imagine, or maybe just always lmao

has a bit more of a personality once she sucks it up n gets closer to u but she’s always v v cautious abt befriending ppl just b/c she’s had a bad time w bullies n her one friend in life disappeared so like...bummer, y’kno?

can never say no. like, i dont think it’s in her vocabulary. she’s a yes gal.

will p much do anything u ask of her b/c she’s constantly seeking approval

can ramble a bit when she’s nervous which is always but she also apologizes like a lot.

squeaks like a mouse

present at parties but it’s always kinda like. who r u. n she has to remind everybody that she’s a sorority gal too

considers herself v v forgettable, like, just v unimportant

like she’s just rly insecure

still does computer shit n is still rly good at it but she hasn’t done anything srs w/ it so it’s just wasted potential

going to use her journalism degree to do investigative journalism and maybe escape her parents, eventually

she just. bends easily to other’s wills, y’know? she’s hashtag soft

even tho she’s like. shy n awkward n shit it doesn’t take a lot for her to like, laugh, or smile

like she tries rly hard to appear happy n an optimist n just like. unfettered

a lil plain jane we stan

i cant think of anything else but she’s. she’s a good kid

OH she’s rly good w numbers n math but like that’s abt it. she’s a whole dumbass on everything else sometimes

is bad w talking n giving advice like in person but like ?? in her column or ovr text or smth ? she’s good. she’s concise.

is a good team player/good w/ projects/etc. etc.

OH OKAY YEAH

she’s rly observant n b/c she’s a lil bit of a compulsive liar she can usually tell when ppl arent honest

depending on how close y’all r she’ll prolly crack down on ur bullshit

but she’s also timid so like who knows tbh

this isn’t a personality trait but she wears like medium hoop earrings all the time n it’s cute ok bye

OK OK LAST THING

she’s so. fucking. clumsy. she will bump into everything. she’ll bump into the air. fuck, she prolly falls over just standing straight. usually has bruises n scratches from just being a clumsy idiot

like she can b a lil ditzy y’know ?? doesn’t have much common sense, sometimes, n can b naive but idk it’s all rly dependent on her n who she’s w n just. how i end up playing her lmao

lovs vintage. is cute.

wanted connections

her roommate uwu

ppl she’s interacted w/ during her childhood !! she’s moved around a lot so like . . . . they could kno each other

mmm sorority sisters

um gimme a ride or die or like a best friend or smth PLS she needs more friends

just more friends in general. she’s awkward but she needs ‘em

?? a one night stand ?? she’s not really . . . known for hooking up w/ ppl but i think an accidental occurrence would b fun!

idk somebody for her to just. crush on from afar. prolly stutters whenever they come near or talk to her or smth

^^i mean like an unrequited crush

SOMEBODY USE HER ! RUIN HER !

FRIENDS OR FUCKING OR WHATEVER

fake friends too! use her for her ~kewl skillz~

bad influence

let her b a good influence

some kinda...skinny love idk what that means. a will they wont they. smth cute. smth pure

it’d be wild if her partner just popped up outta the blue like that b/c mari 100% thinks they were like killed by the government

ppl she gets high w n talk abt conspiracies w/ tbh

ppl she gives or has given advice to w her column pieces ! love it

idk partners in a class

enemies or smth. i want conflict.

a tutor for her dumbass

but also anybody who needs help in math? she can tutor u

idk like this we can work a lil smth smth out

i give u one penny, if u plot w me. pls. i am poor.

[mylivejournalsucks]

Will & Grace.

I’m supposed to be starting my second to last episode of Special (yes, it’s still happening, yes, it’s taken two and a half years, no i don’t know where it’s airing but if I had to put my money on it, I would say a Cinabon in Tujunga in the year 2040) but I’m procrastinating and want to talk about Will & Grace.

The show returns next week and I am so excited for everyone to see it. I hope it feels like a cozy sweater you wore ten years ago that still fits, like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Gay TV Show. As a closeted guy who came of age in the early aughts, this show immediately imprinted on me, splashing its DN-gay all over my heart and brain. (It also introduced me to puns—an addiction I’ve yet to shake.) If you had told me at thirteen that it would be coming back and I’d be writing for it, I’d be like *Cool, but WILL I HAVE A BOYFRIEND BY THEN?!” 

All JK’s aside, this really has been such a special once-in-a-lifetime experience. Spending time with these characters I grew up with, who taught me all about queerness, has been a surreal delight. What I love so much about Will & Grace is how unapologetically joyous it is. These people are gay and they’re having THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES. I mean, do you know how major that is for someone who’s closeted, who thinks that being gay will be an endless bummer? It taught me that not only is being gay A-OK, it’s fucking fun.

And they were right. Being gay IS fun. I would not trade it for anything, even privilege and limitless opportunities! And I wish there were more TV shows and movies that celebrated queerness rather than cast a dark cloud over it. I recently saw the movie Beach Rats, which was fine, but I walked away thinking, “If I have to watch another movie where a gay guy gets beat up in the end…..” I know there’s value in depicting the pain of gay life. I just wish there was room for other narratives to sit at the table.  I mean, how nice would it be to just see a gay studio comedy? It’s not about their coming out. They’re already here, they’re already queer, now let’s fucking laugh.

Humor normalizes things. It feeds you complex ideas without you even realizing it. And hopefully, on September 28th at 9pm/8pm central on NBC, you’ll continue to lol and lol and lol.

[coffeeandcas]

Cherry Pie

AO3 Link

Based on this prompt: Waiter!Dean: Would you like anything from the menu sir? Customer!Cas: Are you in it?

"Would you like anything from the menu, sir?"

Cas starts as a menu is thrust in front of his face, tearing his attention away from the pile of papers in front of him, and he glances up into the most dazzling green eyes he thinks he's ever seen. He was about to say ‘no, just coffee’ but the words die in his throat at the sight of his waiter. Well, shit. If he isn't the most devastatingly handsome man on the face of the planet. Sandy, dark blonde hair, lean muscles visible under a tight t-shirt and the hunt of a tattoo on his pec peeking out from the v-neck, narrow waist which is hugged by the ties of a charcoal apron, incredible forearms and defined hands, which are currently holding out a laminated sheet of card to Castiel. The waiter smiles, and Cas wonders idly, dreamily, if this is what they mean by love at first sight. Because dammit to hell, this guy looks designed and created to break Castiel’s heart.

“I'm not sure yet…” Cas struggles to form words properly. This guy is unbelievable. How is it legal for anyone to be so handsome? “Are you in it?”

Wait, what did he just say?

“I'm sorry?” The waiter looks taken aback, a mixture of shock and amusement creasing his gorgeous face, and Castiel fights the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall. Shit. He's an idiot. Too much coffee, not enough sleep, and his brain decides to go haywire as soon as a cute guy steps into his vicinity. Isn't that just typical.

“No-no, I'm sorry…” Cas hastens to redeem himself. “I'm very tired. I meant, it depends what's in it. Can I have a look and…let you know?” Cas rubs the back of his neck self-consciously, finally tearing his gaze from the beautiful green eyes to stare down at the laminated menu in his hands - the thing looks to be in another language, his sleep-deprived and humiliation-fuelled brain can't understand a word of it. He gives up, and looks back up to the most aesthetically perfect person on the planet for help.

The waiter smiles, grins in fact, and Cas can't help but notice the smattering of freckles across his nose and the way his eyes crinkle at the corners. His name tag reads ‘Dean’ and Cas thinks he looks like a Dean. Fun, sexy, smart, just a bit cheeky.

“Want recommendations?” Dean seems to magic a coffee pot from nowhere and refills Cas’ mug. “You look like you've had a long day.”

“Yeah, kind of.” Cas has had a long day. He's had back-to-back meetings, a face-off with a disgruntled ex-client, and now he's sitting in this diner for one reason only: he's locked himself out of his apartment and the only person with a spare key lives four hours away. His brother Gabriel is on his way, but with Gabe’s penchant for getting distracted by everything that moves it could mean Castiel is stuck here all night. All he wants is a warm shower and the comfort of his bed. All he wanted, he amends with a thrill of excitement as Dean meets his eyes and grins at him again. Suddenly being stuck here doesn't seem quite so unappealing…

“OK. I don't know what you're in the mood for…” You, Cas thinks absently. You'll do nicely. “But the bacon cheeseburgers are really good, so is the PB&J milkshake. I know, it sounds weird but trust me. It's so good. Then for dessert, the cherry pie is…” Dean closes his eyes in rapture and places a hand on his chest. “Out of this world. Seriously. You have to try it.”

“Sure,” Cas is momentarily distracted by the gesture Dean has made, and can't stop his exhausted brain from picturing Dean closing his eyes and sighing in rapture at something entirely different. “That all sounds great.” He hands the menu back with a smile.

“Really?” Dean’s eyes light up. “Dude, you're going to be in heaven, I promise. The food in here is so good.” He moves to turn away then, after a second’s hesitation says: “How come I haven't seen you in here before? You just passing through?”

“No, I, uh,” Cas simply cannot come out with the truth. That he lives across the street but has always avoided the diner because it didn't look to live up to his tastes which include fine wine and five-star dining experiences. That he's only stumbled in here because he's locked out of his damn house and is too tired to go anywhere else and figured that the coffee probably wouldn't poison him. He can't say that. His social skills aren't so devastatingly awful that he doesn't realise how offensive that would be. “I live around here. I just work a lot. I don't get out to eat that often.”

“I see.” Dean watches him with a small smirk twisting his lips. The door jangles and that's his cue to go and attend to other folks, much to Castiel’s irritation. “Well, I hope you find more free time. It's not often we get cute guys coming in here.” Then with a wink, a fucking wink, he meanders away and Cas is left staring at the sway of his hips and the slight bow-leggedness to his gait and wondering why the hell he has never come in here before. And back up a second, Dean thinks he's cute? Well, he will definitely be coming in here more often, that's for certain. Judging by the name of the diner, he guesses this Dean must be the owner.

He sends a quick text to his brother, telling him he's found somewhere to get dinner so no rush, then thinks he should probably tackle some more work, despite his exhaustion and the fact that it's well after 9pm. He tries to focus back on the paperwork in front of him, but in no time at all his food has arrived and Dean is grinning down at him once more with those dazzling emerald eyes.

“Here ya go. Enjoy!”

Cas shifts a few of his possessions around until he's comfortable enough to tuck in. His trench coat and jacket are folded neatly next to him, files of paperwork organised and put back into his briefcase, and his phone sits silently on the table next to his perspiring glass of PB&J shake, which he takes a tentative sip of. Damn, that is good. Weird, definitely, but good. He doesn't even really like peanut butter, so it's saying something. The burger looks incredible as well, all melted cheese and greasy goodness, and although Cas normally wouldn't touch something so unhealthy with a barge pole the ache in his stomach overrides everything and he tucks in greedily. Dean is right: heaven. As he eats, he takes in the decor. Jukebox in the corner playing old rock and roll tracks, framed vinyls on the walls, and sketches of Chevy Impala’s line the wall behind the bar. The bar which is well-stocked with admittedly pretty good alcohol. Cas feels a twinge of contrition; he probably judged this place too harshly. It's comfortable, cosy, and definitely a place to relax.

He polishes off the burger in no time, savouring his milkshake and trying to remember the last time he had food this good. It's not fine dining by any means, but it's so good. Hearty, comfort food and Cas is a little disappointed to have finished his burger so soon. Before he can look around for his waiter, Dean wanders over to him with an apprehensive smile.

“Any good?”

“Hell yes.” Cas grins at him and Dean visibly relaxes. “Amazing. My compliments to your chef.”

“I'll certainly pass those on. Sammy does have some great skills when it comes to flipping burgers,” Dean winks again and saunters off with the empty plate in his hand. Moments later, he's back with a huge slice of delicious-looking cherry pie which smells incredible, and Cas’ mouth waters. Dean watches him with a smirk, tells him to enjoy, and heads back to his other tables. Cas again watches him go, feeling more and more attracted to the guy as every interaction passes. Dean is exactly Castiel’s type, but it's been a while since he dated so his skills are a little rusty. He hopes he isn't imagining that Dean might like him too; or perhaps he's this flirty with all his patrons?

“So?” Dean materialises above him after a time with another dazzling smile, displaying straight, perfect white teeth. “What did you think?”

“Amazing.” Cas leans back in his chair, eyeing his empty plate with regret. “I could eat all of that again, and more.”

“Yeah?” Dean is all crinkly eyes and happy smiles. “Good, I'm always glad when my recommendations are well-received. Keeps the staff happy, too. Can I get anything else for you?”

And Cas may be a tad socially inept, but he doesn't miss the subtle nuance of flirtation in Dean’s tone. Their eyes meet and a brief burst of electricity crackles between them.

“Just the, um, bill. I think. For now.”

Dean’s eyebrow quirks but his smile doesn't fade. “Coming right up.”

He sweeps the empty plate and glass from the table and vanishes, and Cas hopes he didn't take his words as a rejection. Dean is definitely someone he wants to get to know better. But not tonight.

Cas sits back and massages his temples, feeling relief flood through him at the gesture. As lovely as it is to sit here and talk to Dean, his head is minutes away from hitting the table and it would be great if Gabriel showed up around now. As if on cue, his phone bleeps and he glances out of the window to see his brother’s sleek black Audi idling on the pavement outside his apartment building. He waves, sends a quick reply to the ‘I'm here, where the fuck are you?’ text message and gathers his things. The next thing he knows, Dean is back and shoving a folded piece of paper under his nose. Cas goes to open it, simultaneously reaching for his wallet, but Dean’s hand covers his and he freezes, skin tingling warmly from the sensation of the other man’s touch.

“Thanks for stopping by. You should really come back again soon; the pecan pie is almost as good as the cherry.” Dean’s eyes are dark and his smile sweet, but with a sinful promise. Cas swallows, tries to calm his heart rate and feels Dean rub circles onto the back of his hand and his smile is absolutely, definitely flirtatious. “Check the bill is OK and if it is…well, you know where to find me.”

He retreats back towards the bar and vanishes and Cas, a little mystified by his words, opens the folded sheet and reads.

‘Hot guy like you? I just couldn’t decide how much to charge. Call me and we can…discuss. Dean W.’

His phone number follows and Cas huffs out a laugh at how brazen the note is. When he looks up to question Dean, the other man is nowhere to be seen in the slowly emptying diner, leaving Cas with the only option to gather his things and go out to see Gabriel. He folds the note in his pocket, a shy smile playing at his lips.

He gets the feeling, as he pushes his way through the door and out into the street, that he might be spending a lot more of his time sampling the food at Dean’s Place over the next few weeks…

[waitinginthedarke]

Sometimes Rain Falls

A BTS Fanfiction

Type: AU/Alternative Universe

Summary: Sometimes a normal life is a good one to lead; its nice…its easy… But sometimes, normal isn’t the way that things were meant to be. And when you’re chosen as a possible candidate for one of the kingdom’s 7 princes, life isn’t as nice and easy as you always presumed it to be…especially when you catch the eye of more than one of them…

A/N: Shit starts to go down... (also, sorry for the late upload, shits going down everywhere today it seems.)

Trailer

Masterlist

Part 5

He’d had you practicing the dances for that evening for a good two hours before you ask him if you could finish, your feet feeling worn black and blue as you take a seat. Although, it wasn’t like you hadn’t had breaks throughout him helping you learn the dance, especially after your moment earlier, that had meant each time you’d paused to ask him a question he’d look at you in the same overly affectionate way he had before the two of you had broken apart from your kiss, and your words would become stuck in your throat before you’d begin practicing again.

‘I suppose I should let you begin to get ready.’ He muses as he makes his way back over to you, a knowing smile on his face that had been present for the entirety of your dance lesson, and which at that moment was smothered in the slightest hint of lust.

‘Will you meet me at the party?’ you ask, looking up at him from your seat as he comes to a stop in front of you, and watching him as he picks your hand up from your lap to steady it intently with a smile.

‘Is that what you want?’ he asks quietly, glancing up at you and holding your gaze as he waits for your answer that ends up coming out breathlessly.

‘Yes.’

‘Then of course I will….although you didn’t really have a choice anyway. I intend to spend all evening with you.’ He says smirking as he pulls you to your feet, and you end up pulled tightly into his body as his arms circle your waist, his tempting grin filling up your vision.

‘Why do I feel like you’re more dangerous than you make out to be?’ you ask playfully, catching the flash of knowing darkness that flickers across his expression before he smiles at you, bringing his lips as close as he can get them to yours without touching, and smiling before he answers you.

‘Because I am.’

After spending the rest of the afternoon with Mina and a few of the other princesses, preparing for the ball that evening, you all finally make your way down to the ballroom at 9pm, each with a dress perfectly suited to her, and each with a glamorous masquerade mask adorned on their face, a mixture of half and full masks being dispersed among the group.

Getting ready with the other girls had been fun, and when you’d all began talking about your own Prince’s, you’d found yourself gushing over just how wonderful Hoseok was, surprising yourself with your own admission, but finding truth in your words nonetheless. However, when it had come to the turn of the Princess who had been chosen by Taehyung you’d seen her pale and shrink back into herself, only managing a few feeble words of anxious admiration before she’d excused herself and departed from the room.

You’d all spent a moment in silence after that, everyone looking at everyone else as you all tried to work out what was going on, but when she didn’t return you slowly all slipped back into chitchat and dresses, eventually making it to 5 minutes before the party began, when a knock at the door sounds and you all begin to get ushered down to the ballroom by the ahjumma’s who’d been assigned to each of you.

Its as you’re waiting outside to be allowed entrance (since you were all to be the spectacle for the king’s guests that evening), your mind continually wondering back to Taehyung’s princess and the strange look of fear and anxiousness that had crossed her face before she’d fled the room earlier, that you feel a hand touch your elbow and before you can panic about who it could be, you turn your head to see a familiar smile hovering below a beautiful lace black mask.

You’re mildly taken aback when you feel his arms slide around your waist, his chin coming to rest on the top of your head, and you’re blushing wildly when you see many of the other princesses watching you both curiously, yet with smiles on their faces, as Hoseok moves his chin to hook over your shoulder, pulling you back into him as he does so, and not paying any attention to anyone else.

‘Beautiful, I’ve missed you.’

You feel a warmth fill your stomach at his words, your hesitance to relax into him melting away as he continues to nuzzle your neck, and its only after you’d taken a moment to try to reduce the heat burning in your cheeks, that you look up to see that the doors had opened to the main ball room and the other Princesses and Princes had begun to filter in, your brain bustling as you try to pinpoint each new masked face with the Princess they were with.

‘Quick! We need to go.’ You whisper hurriedly, walking out of Hoseok’s embrace, but subconsciously keeping a firm grip on one of his hands as he lets you pull him along, his blinding smile as he watches you from behind going unnoticed by you as you hurry to catch up with everyone.

However, you shouldn’t have bothered.

The minute you catch sight of the interior of the room, you find yourself halting abruptly, standing just inside the doorway as you stare at the majesty of the silk drapes and ribbons hung around the room, the polished chandeliers on full display matching the candelabras that stood in every empty space, and the incredible full orchestra could barely take any attention away from the beauty of the guests that stood around watching the entrance of the royal parade.

After a few moments, you feel Hoseok’s arm slip subtly around your waist and begin to guide you into the room, his quiet chuckle at your astonishment only just being able to bring you out of your trance, and you instinctively reach up to entangle your fingers with his hand on your waist, feeling your breath hitch at the suddenness of your action, but before you can get embarrassed you feel Hoseok touch his lips to your temple, the open gesture of intimacy with the amount of eyes on you surprising, yet pleasing you, as you see a few faces show open surprise at the move.

‘Who are all these people?’ you ask him quietly, smiling and nodding your head to as many people as you could as you walked past, listening to his answer all the while.

‘Other royals, dukes, duchesses, lords, ladies; anyone of importance whom my father wants to show off to.’ He murmurs back, a note of disapproval in his voice, but mainly a tone of disinterest coating his words.

‘Will I have to speak to them?’ you ask, suddenly very nervous at the prospect of mingling with people of a much higher power and status than yourself, but the feeling of Hoseok’s fingers gently squeezing your own, has your attention reverting to him, your eyes lifting to find his.

‘There is that possibility…but I don’t intend on letting you go this evening, so you have no reason to be worried.’

Despite being able to feel the smile pulling at your lips, you make no move to restrain it, simply letting yourself get lost in his words that have your chest becoming tight in anticipation, the shaky breath you take to steady yourself not going unnoticed by him as he smiles down at you in response.

‘My Gosh, you are so beautiful when you smile…and when you get stunned by what I say.’ He murmurs, grinning himself as his eyes peer around at everyone, before he suddenly drops another kiss to your temple, pulling you to a gentle stop as the group halts before the staging area where the King and Queen were currently stood, and pulling you close into his side as he lets out a heavy, yet joyous, sigh.

Its as you’re listening to the King’s speech that was introducing the evening, your hand lay on Hoseok’s chest where it’d come to lay when he’d pulled you against him, with the others all stood around you in their own pairings, that you notice something that hadn’t caught your attention when everyone had met up moments before outside the room.

‘Hoseok?’ you whisper, quietly, leaning closer to him so that he could hear you, and blushing when he does the same, his mouth filling your vision when you look up to check he was listening.

‘Yes?’ he questions, humour filling his breathed question.

‘Where’s the princess that was with Taehyung?’

You’re not watching him as you ask the question, politely clapping for the both of you when everyone around you begins to applaud something the King had said, and as you’re looking away you miss the frown that pulls at his brows, his eyes flickering to Taehyung stood to the side of the group—whom all the guests were studiously ignoring— and lingering, before he quickly fixes a smile on his face to answer you.

‘I think I heard him say something about her feeling under the weather.’

You frown as you listen to his answer, relinking your fingers with his as you look back up at him with a worried expression, but the look is quickly wiped from your face when he smiles lovingly at you, before leaning down to touch his lips to the edge of your mouth.

‘You don’t need to worry about her, my love. I’m sure Taehyung will endeavour to make sure she gets the treatment she needs.’ He murmurs with his head bowed close to yours, and the intimacy of the act makes you forget about what you were talking about until its interrupted by a loud round of applause, signalling the end of the King’s speech.

‘And now we dance!’ Hoseok says excitedly, spinning you suddenly into his arms, as the others do so to their respective Princesses around him, and despite the fact that you knew this was going to happen at some point, you still find yourself blushing with the hundreds of eyes watching you, and Hoseok’s warm body being held close to your own.

‘Isn’t there meant to be a gap between us?’ you ask him quietly, yet amusedly as you face each other, the musicians beginning the tune at the head of the room.

‘Hmm. Sometimes your memory is too good for my liking.’ He mutters, conceding to your point as he puts the smallest gap between your bodies, and despite your intention to pull him close again just to see him smile, you’re not given the chance before he begins to move you both with the music.

You cant help but smile at him the whole time, only becoming shy a couple of times, during which your eyes flicker to the people surrounding you, but as soon as you see their eyes fixed steely on you, you quickly look back to him, trying your hardest not to think about how terrifying their gazed had been, and trying not to trip in the meantime.

‘You catch on very quickly.’ Hoseok says with a grin as he pulls you back against him after spinning you, subtly pulling you close against him, but not subtle enough for you not to notice.

‘Well one of us should be dancing properly.’ You tease, your heart fluttering with the confident tone of your voice and the way you were actually daring to jibe at him, the thoughts surrounding his royal status rapidly fading with the more you got to know him.

‘Ooooh, Princess, you definitely shouldn’t have said that.’ He growls, the words for a moment computing in your mind as though you’d out-spoken, but before you can become too worried, he’s swept you up into a lift, forcing the breath out of your lungs as he spins you.

You weren’t prepared for the sight that would greet you.

White Eyes. Completely blank, snow white eyes, stared up at you as your gaze sped over each guest whilst Hoseok span you, the lifelessness of each expression stopping your heart in your chest, and making your blood run to ice in your veins.

Before you could react to it, Hoseok has set you back onto your feet and immediately gliding you into a waltz, the claps resounding from the audience watching matching the erratic thumping of your heart as you wait for your vision to return to you properly, and for your heart to restart in your chest.

He laughs happily as he watches your gaze move to his, your wide, startled eyes expressing how surprised you were by what you’d just witnessed, and just when you think you could take a moment to try and calm yourself, he’d pulled you fast against him and his lips had crashed to yours, his arms constricting around you freezing you in place as you forget about the watching eyes and wait for your brain to catch up with everything that was happening, your entire body vibrating with terrified excitement under his tight grip.

‘I don’t think I will ever get tired of seeing your adorable expression when you’re surprised.’ He murmurs when he pulls away, and its not until he’d turned and began to bow to the surrounding audience that you realise the dance had finished and all the other couples were beginning to disperse from the floor, spare Jimin and Jungkook and their partners who continued to dance happily as the crowd fell in to join in.

‘Y/N…are you okay?’

Your attention snaps to Hoseok as he comes to stand in front of you once again, his eyes appearing a lighter brown than usual as his brow pulls together in concern, gaze flickering over your face until he sees you begin to focus on him.

‘Uh…yeah…I just…I think I just need a drink.’ You murmur, trying to swallow past the dryness in your throat as the voice in your head repetitively told you that it was simple motion sickness that had made you feel unwell…and definitely not what you’d seen as Hoseok had lifted you into the air.

‘Oh. Come with me, I’ll get one for you now-‘

‘I-I think I need to stand outside a moment, would you…would you be able to bring it to me?’ you ask him timidly, adding a lacing of shyness to your tone to appear cute and the sound seems to put him more at ease as he smiles gently down at you, nodding slowly and touching his palm to your cheek, before walking away to find you some water.

You slip quickly through the crowd then, almost being able to hear how fast you were panting as you hurry toward the doors that lead onto the balcony, and ending up subconsciously dodging Namjoon’s hand as he reaches out to see what was wrong after he’d noticed your distressed expression as you’d scurried past.

When the cool night air finally washes over your skin you feel like you’d been startled out of a dream, having to lean heavily against the stone balcony as you hold desperately to your ribcage, drinking in lungfuls of air to attempt to calm yourself, and once you’d settled enough to breathe normally you hang your head back on your shoulders, turning around to lean back against the stone railing.

‘It can be quite overwhelming…can’t it?’

The moment you hear his voice it was like you’d been expecting it ever since you’d learned of the ball that morning—despite having seen him briefly during the kings speech— and that realisation has your head snapping up, and your eyes opening instantly as you search him out in the darkness, simultaneously trying to work out why you’d had that thought.

‘A little.’ You whisper, clearing your throat when you hear the scratchiness of your voice and using the action as a way to cover your panting that had returned as you catch sight of him lounged against the balcony railing to the side of you, facing out to the gardens a few meters down.

He scoffs to himself with your answer, the way he shakes his head softly making you frown at him as you stand up properly, remaining where you were as you watch him turn his head toward you with a dark smirk on his face.

‘Where is your Princess?’

He looks like he’s about to say something before you speak, his lips quirking up in an almost smile, but as soon as you pose the question to him, the expression quickly drops from his face altogether, his mouth dropping open slightly as he stares at you, before quickly turning his head to look away from you, the way his shoulders tense as he too moves to stand up from the balcony after dragging his fists across the stone surface, making a ripple of hesitation roll up your spine.

‘She’s unwell.’ Is all he says, his voice sounding strained, and for some reason you find yourself stepping toward him, the light of the moon spilling across the skirt of your dress being the only indication that you’d moved.

‘Is it serious?’ you ask, wondering what could have happened to her so suddenly, since you’d only seen her a few hours prior.

‘Is she sick? Or was she just lighted-headed? …is it-‘

‘SHE’S JUST ILL.’ He snaps, eyes clouding black as he suddenly turns to look at you, and despite your instant though that you probably should have flinched back from him, instead you find yourself having taken another step towards him, curiosity appearing in the way your fingers rub at a fold in your dress, thoughts instantly turning to the beauty of his eyes as the same black haze that you’d seen the night before begins to dissipate from his pupils.

‘Taehyung-‘

‘Why are you staring at me?’ he suddenly asks, being no more than a few steps from you at this point, where you’d walked over to him in your interest, eyes scanning his face as his own widen  minutely at your proximity, although he doesn’t dare to move away, instead straightening up and just as a look of determination crosses his face you watch him take his own step towards you.

‘Why do yours go Black?’

You’re unaware of the words leaving your mouth, unaware of the question even forming in your mind, but as soon as it was spoken you find yourself being suspended in a moment, your eyes locking with the man in front of you, and being this close you can see exactly how the colour emerges from the edges of his irises, slowly rippling to the center just as you’d seen them do the previous night…

Within the blink of an eye you’re forced back against the balcony, the pain of your back hitting the stone railing not factoring into your mind as much as the feeling of Taehyung’s arms braced on either side of you, his face mere centimeters from your own as he stares down at you, a low growl rumbling in his chest as he panted heavily.

‘Black?’ he breathes urgently, gaze flickering between your eyes and lips the whole time as his whole body tenses up above you. ‘Did you just say Black?’

‘Yes.’ You answer instinctively, feeling a tightness enter your chest which you assume is the beginnings of fear, and being about to ask him why before you hear the sound of Hoseok calling you.

‘Y/N?’

You both pause, Taehyung staring at you as you peer over at your prince, your mind trying to come up with some explanation for when he sees you in this position with his brother, but you’re prevented from needing an answer when Taehyung is suddenly speaking once more, appearing even more animated and terrified than before.

‘Don’t say anything. ….Dont say anything to him- to anyone. If you don’t want things to get bad…just don’t say anything.’ He hisses, his eyes flickering to your lips momentarily, and for a split second you think he’s going to kiss you, but before you can reflect on where that thought had come from he’d disappeared and was walking rapidly away from you, slipping past Hoseok just as the man himself catches sight of you.

‘There you are!...for a moment I thought you might have gone back to your room. …are you feeling any better?’ he calls as he walks over to you, keeping a happy, care-free smile on his face before seeing the paleness that you could feel freezing your expression after the encounter you’d just experienced.

‘Y/N…you look so pale- Do you need me to take you to the nurse?’ he asks worriedly, reaching for your hand as soon as he got to within arms reach and instantly handing you your water, the move causing you to slowly begin to respond, blinking at him dumbfounded for a few seconds before taking a sip of the drink and pulling yourself back to reality.

‘I…uh…no, I…-will you just…walk with me a moment?’ you ask him quietly, figuring getting your limbs working again after being frozen into place by Taehyung would be the best idea, and being thankful when Hoseok nods instantly, proceeding to tuck your hand into the crook of his arm before slowly beginning to pull you down the same stone path that you’d trodden on the day before that had taken you to the stables.

‘Did I go over the top with the dancing? I’m sorry for showing off- I must have just gotten caught up in the moment.’ He murmurs as you both walk slowly down the path, his comment signalling to you that he thought your sudden bout of illness was his fault.

‘Oh. No…no…that was- it was really fun, I mean…I think it was just motion sickness.’ You explain feebly, only realizing you were leaning heavily on him when he removes your hand from his elbow, just so that he could wrap his arm around your waist, calmly yet quickly guiding you to a small alcove of bushes off to one side of the path that had a bench set into it.

‘In that case I am still at fault.’ He chuckles softly, not seeming entirely sure of his actions as he settles you on the seat, before sitting beside you and shooting you a ‘hurt-puppy’ kind of smile.

‘Im sorry. I’ll try not to let my competitive nature get the better of me at the next dance.’

You force the cloudiness away from your brain as you turn to look at him, conjuring up a small smile from somewhere and leaning in slowly to drop a kiss to his cheek in reassurance— although he instantly turns his head in your direction to capture your lips.

You fight the instinctive recoil that appears as a consequence of you still being on edge from your conversation with Taehyung earlier, but somehow Hoseok still feels your hesitance, bringing his hand up to hold your cheek as he pulls back a little to look at you with a frown of worry, questions lighting up his eyes.

‘Will you take me back to my room?’ The question tumbles from your mouth before you could stop it, your need to hide your nerves from Hoseok getting the better of you, and before you can think of a way to take them back, he’s smiling sadly at you and dropping his hand to your own to help you up from the seat.

‘Hoseok-‘

‘I just need to take a detour to tell Namjoon where we’re going, and then I’ll take you straight there, beautiful.’ He murmurs as you stand up beside him, feeling his lips suddenly touching your cheek softly before he begins to guide you back toward the ball room, keeping a secure grip on you the whole time— only switching up his hold on you when he once again slips his hand from yours to slide supportively around your waist.

‘Namjoon-ah!’

Your fingers curl a little tighter on Hoseok’s hip as the two of you approach the authorative figure of a brother, the feeling of Hoseok’s hand smoothing over your side in comfort making you relax slightly despite yourself as you both come to a stop before the tallest prince, his blinding smile and dimples flashing joyfully at you, but lessening once he sees your pale face.

‘Is everything okay?’ he asks, the second the worry fills his voice Mina appears beside him, looking the most radiant you think you’d ever seen a woman look.

‘We’re fine. Y/N just feels a little under the weather after I spun her too fast during the dance, so I’m going to take her to her room so that she can rest.’ Hoseok explains, keeping any emotion free from his face as he speaks, but despite the lacking of open expression, you still feel like the two brothers are communicating without speaking somehow.

‘Oh! Y/N, do you need me to get you anything? Do you think fruit or medicine might help?’ Mina instantly chimes in, pulling your attention from the two brothers, and so you miss the flashing of eyes from each of them as they argue silently about something.

‘Uh…no… I think I’ll be okay-‘

‘I’ll be taking Y/N to her room now.’ Hoseok cuts in sharply, his voice cold, and you feel your stomach churn with the uneasiness within you at the whole situation, brief flashes of him from the night before causing you to momentarily rethink your asking him to take you back to your room, but Namjoon is quick to speak up before you can get too caught up in your own mind.

‘Do take care, Y/N. I hope you feel better in the morning.’

Hoseok whisks you away before you even have a second to contemplate the mans emphasis on the word ‘better’, only having the image of his irises flashing purple burned into your mind as he’d smiled warmly at you before they’d disappeared as you’d turned away.

You’re thinking about Namjoon the whole way to your room, Hoseok greeting numerous guests that had spilled out of the main room and into the surrounding corridors— all of which you avoid making eye contact with after what you’d witnessed before, but for the most part you can feel his eyes fixed on you, his hold on you being gentle, yet definite, and you feel yourself relaxing more into him, and ending up practically hanging off of him by the time you make it to your room.

‘Do you want to be alone? …I’d rather stay with you to check that you’re okay, but I understand if-‘

‘Of course I want you to stay.’ You whisper, looking at him like he was crazy for thinking otherwise and catching the slightly embarrassed lift of his lip as he cottons onto the insistence in your tone.

‘Okay.’ He whispers, smiling at you more confidently now, and you feel yourself straighten up, feeling almost normal for the first time since the dance and happily pulling Hoseok into your room, letting his hand go and hearing him close the door behind him.

‘Im sorry for pulling you away from the party early…im sure a lot of the guests wanted to see you-‘

‘And yet, even if they did…I’d only want to talk to you’. He cuts you off, a smile in his voice, and as you sit on the bed you turn to look at him, seeing his thoughtful expression as he stares out of the window where he’d gone to stand, and admiring the way the moonlight curved his face into sparkling white planes that appeared so pale you could almost mistake him for a ghost.

The ethereal-ness of him stood before you prompted you to think of your conversation with Taehyung earlier, the warning he’d given you not to talk to anyone about the changing of the eye colours that you’d observed on the men buzzing around your brain, but with Hoseok stood before you in that moment, a smile gently curving his face, and after the confession he’d just made, you couldn’t help but want to ask him the same question.

However, the second you go to speak the words, your mouth freezes and your breath catches in your throat.

‘It’s a shame I couldn’t introduce you to more of my family though. I really wanted to show you off, to let them see just how beautiful you are.’ He goes on, not paying much attention to you sat on the bed in a silent battle with yourself, and continuing to look out of the window, his eyes appearing to be fixed on the moon as you clutch at your throat, trying to force your words out with no luck.

Its just as you’re staring desperately at him, clawing the words out of your throat with quiet, raspy, breaths, that you see the way his eyes spread with white and you stop all attempts at speaking, feeling your body freeze as you simply stare at the man before you, stirrings of fear running immediately through your veins.

‘Ho-Hoseok-‘

‘Hm?’

When he turns to look at you, his eyes instantly revert back to normal, the suddenness of the change almost making you believe that it was just a trick of the light, but when you look down at his hand, you see it clenched at his side, the obvious will-power resonating from the action making you frown in confusion.

‘Jagi-yah…are you okay?’

He’s suddenly in front of you, his hand coming out to cradle your face and you’re so confused that you simply stare at him, taking a few moments before making the decision to just smile at him and nod.

‘I’m fine, im just tired.’ You sigh, reaching up to hold his hand against your cheek and feeling your heart jump happily in your chest when he smiles back at you, and moves to sit beside you, pulling you into him to hold you against his chest.

‘I keep forgetting that you’ve only lived this life for a couple of days…that its easy for it to exhaust you when you’re not used to this way of living. …But you don’t need to be anxious or uneasy, Jagi…if you’re ever worried, you just need to tell me- you can always talk to me, beautiful.’ He murmurs quietly over your head, his hands warm on you as he hugs you to him, and you cant help but feel at peace in his embrace, wanting to fall asleep then and there, but catching yourself before you can do so.

‘Lie down with me.’ You mumble, smiling sleepily as you disentangle yourself from him and crawl up the bed to lay down on the pillows, tiredly watching him stand up from the end and walk around the bed to get on properly, making his movements slightly slower than usual—you guess just in case you wanted to stop him— but the instant he lies down, attempting to leave some space between you, you shuffle towards him, curling yourself into his chest.

‘Just let me rest my eyes a little bit…then we can go back downstairs.’ You mumble, closing your eyes as you trail your finger over the little details of his silk blazer and feeling your heart thud dangerously fast in your chest when his hand covers yours and he pulls it up to his lips to press the softest of kisses to your knuckles.

‘Its okay, beautiful…take all the time you need.’ He whispers quietly, pressing another kiss to your hair, and its almost magic the way you fall asleep within seconds, smiling happily as you burrow into him…

You don’t know what time it is when you wake up to the sound of hushed whispers and heated murmuring coming from somewhere, but the minute you open your eyes you find yourself being painfully aware that Hoseok was missing once again as your hand clutches at the bed sheets to the side of you.

Its as you’re casting your eyes around the room for any sign of his whereabouts- a note, a missing candle, etc- that you tune back into the whispers that had awoke you, realising they were coming from outside the door and sliding off of the end of the bed in front of the windows, intending on going to find out what was going on, before you hear something that makes you think you’re still dreaming.

‘Did any of the Princesses see the body?’

Your instincts freeze you in place.

Your gaze is fixed on the pains of glass in front of you as you listen to the familiar voice of Hoseok that had come from outside your door, a second joining his, and the sound allows you to let out a shallow breath as you listen to what it says, staring unseeingly in front of you.

‘Not that we know of. Namjoon-hyung was with Mina, Jungkook and Sunhye, Jin-hyung was with his girl and Yoongi-hyung and Soobin, I dragged Leehi back before she could see anything and you were here with Y/N. A few of the guests may have seen but Father has already dealt with them-‘

‘Where is he now?’

Your head is practically vibrating with the thoughts running through your brain as you add up the names you’d just heard in your head, only just coming up with the missing one with a silent gasp before you catch sight of two people stood by the fountain in the garden out the window, the rain running down the window making it hard for you to see very clearly, but as you go to take a step closer, you find yourself faltering as what you were seeing begins to piece together with what you’d heard in your head.

At first you could just see Namjoon and the King stood close together, their bodies covering something floating in the bottom of the fountain, the ripples of the water replicating the folds of satin, or the decoration of jewels.

But as you watch the King begin to walk away, and you see Namjoon look down before pausing, and hesitatingly looking up at your window, you realise just how wrong you were.

Because there, floating lifelessly in the water …

…was Taehyung’s Princess.

(T.B.C)