#it's not conventional heartbreak

[cry-ptidd]

This panel hurts me btw

[mekatrio]

dont know if i did smth to cause this or the game is just glitched but for some reason jade is saying guy's voiceline outside of a game cutscene which is not smth that ever happens huhhhh

[mirrren]

Going back to straight fanfiction after years of gay men making out on my screen at all times of the day is kinda like going back in the closet for a few months. Or like. Reading a book and then watching the adaption

It’s like. I know this. I used to read this all the time but now it’s different? There’s something missing. Not enough tension

[toyoumyloves]

You know, even if you didn't break up with me, I'm not sure how much time we would be spending together bc I'm busy as hell though I suppose I wouldn't be so hurt that I made myself too stressed to the point where I forget to sleep sometimes if you hadn't broke up with me

- 🌙

[thee-horny-thicky]

TW: Yandere!Gojo, baby trapping

I know it's fanon that Satoru became a fuckboy once Suguru left, which I've written about before. However, I think the reality is that intimacy is rare for Satoru. He's busy, and vulnerability is his biggest fear. It's why he always maintains his childish, energetic persona, because after Suguru tore out his heart and stomped on it, opening up to another person was out of the question.

However, even the strongest isn't immune from developing crushes.

You were a new hire, a foreign sorcerer that recently transferred to Jujutsu Tech. You were born the same year as Suguru, and the similarities didn't end there. You might not look like him, though you were attractive in your own right, but so much about you echoed the man who broke Satoru's heart. Despite your serious demeanor, you knew how to take a joke, and were seriously competitive. You were cunning and sly, with a wit that he admired. You were loyal to those you cared about, but ruthless to your enemies. Best of all, you tolerated him in a way few could.

He found himself falling hard, and was delighted to know you felt the same way... sorta. You see, while he was planning a wedding, you wanted something purely physical. Satoru didn't mind indulging your lust, but he expected it to transform into love at some point. And it did, on his end. But you, you were a different story.

Your trajectory was similar to Satoru's. You too had a high school sweetheart who broke your heart, and you responded to it by shunning relationships. The difference was that you indulged in a decent amount of flings and one night stands. What started as a way to ease heartbreak became a stress reliever and your favorite hobby. Moreover, being a sorcerer, conventional dating was risky. The risks weren't canceled out by someone like Satoru.

In fact, they were amplified.

Put simply, you didn't want to be a clan leader's wife. You enjoyed being a sorcerer, but if you wed the leader of a clan, you'd be reduced to a baby maker. You wanted kids one day, when being a sorcerer had lost its thrill. Maybe they'd fill the void, but for the time being, you were happy childless.

Unfortunately for you, your time without kids is nearing an end.

You see, once Gojo hears that you wouldn't mind being a mommy one day, he decides that's how he'll keep you. If his expensive gifts and lavish dates aren't enough, certainly a baby will be. Because after losing Suguru, he isn't willing to miss out on HEA with a great love again. If he has to use...questionable methods, so be it.

And hey, if a baby doesn't work, he has a cozy little room waiting for you, complete with security measures only he could disarm.

[pukefactory]

In dream bbq, froggy mentions that Ena becomes “more of a disaster” when drunk. Would you be willing to write a reader and Ena going out for drinks. I like to imagine the salesperson side becomes less polite while the meanie gets not quite polite but at least less gruffer, but they both g egg grumpy when recovering from a hangover.

•☽────✧˖°˖ DOUBLE MINT FIZZ ˖°˖✧────☾•

★ Summary: A Compilation of Headcannons Featuring Drunk Salesperson Ena X Reader Drunk At A Bar & Hangover Aftermath

★ Character(s): Salesperson Ena (Ena: Dream BBQ)

★ Genre: Headcanons, SFW

★ Warning(s): Mentions And Descriptions Of Alcohol

★ Image Credits: @JoelG

☆ You made the mistake of calling it a “casual night out,” which somehow translated in Ena’s brain to “full-blown networking gala.” She showed up overdressed, overcaffeinated, and already rehearsing a pitch to “sell your liver to a better candidate.” You hadn’t even ordered drinks yet. She flagged down the bartender like she was interviewing him for a job. “Do you offer loyalty programs? How much to rename this bar after us?”

☆ One drink in and her smooth, customer-service tone starts cracking. Two drinks in and she’s swinging her leg over the barstool, making finger guns at strangers. By drink three, she’s calling people “consumer-class parasites” and asking if she can “return your attitude for store credit.” “Excuse me, miss, is that your real personality or did you get it from the clearance bin?” You try to stop her. You do. But she’s too fast and way too articulate.

☆ While Salesperson is talking business like she’s running a stock scam in the bathroom mirror, Meanie slips out with glassy eyes and a quiet confession: “I th-think…I’m bad at parties…” You blink. She’s got her head on your shoulder and is mumbling something about her “internal marketing failure.” When you offer her water, she whispers, “You’re the only person who hasn’t emotionally bankrupted me tonight.” You might die.

☆ Shot glasses are the worst possible idea. Salesperson slams hers back and immediately yells, “I’M INVESTING IN YOUR POOR DECISIONS, BABY!!” while Meanie swats her own off the table and mutters, “Only suckers drink blue-liquid lies.” Then she looks at you and shouts, “CHUG IT OR I’LL SOB.”

☆ Salesperson Ena tears a napkin into the shape of a phone and tries to convince the bar’s patrons to invest in a new “emotional expense tracker app.” “We’re calling it Feelance. Now, who wants to monetize their heartbreak?” Meanie insists she’s the beta tester. “I already logged nine traumas tonight. You owe me five bottles of wine.”

☆ Ena refuses to walk in a straight line. Salesperson is trying to hail passing clouds like they’re Uber cars. Meanie is whispering insults to pigeons. You’re holding her elbow, and she’s shouting, “DON’T TOUCH ME I’M WORTH MILLIONS—wait never mind I’m dizzy—carry me, employee of the month…”

☆ The next morning, both she’s devastated. “I feel like a failed IPO.” “I think I bit a karaoke machine.” She lies on your floor like broken wind-up toys. Meanie has her face pressed to the cold tile and whispers, “I miss my dignity.” She throws a pillow over her face and groans, “Why did I sell it for tequila shots?...”

☆ Salesperson Ena insists on calling every single person she insulted last night. “Hello, is this the woman with the unfortunate scarf? I’d like to formally retract my statement. Your fashion choices are legally protected under the Geneva Conventions.” Meanie then chirps in and throws the red cup phone into a plant and hisses, “NO MORE BUSINESS. NO MORE BULLSHIT. ONLY PANCAKES.”

☆ You ask if she wants to go drinking again. She stares at you. Unblinking. “Are you out of your revenue-driven mind?” But by next Friday? Ena’s at your door with coupons, a flask, and a full slideshow presentation titled: “Why You Should Absolutely Let Me Embarrass Us Again – Q2 Edition.”

[milkfordragons]

Will's transformation after learning of Hannibal's love for him is a sort of revelation, of veils lifting and truths surfacing like something long submerged. So much is said about the shift in his demeanor following Bedelia’s confirmation, particularly in the moment he approaches Hannibal with that knowing smirk, the quiet confidence of a man who has just uncovered the final piece of a puzzle that had eluded him for too long.

Will had always been uncertain about Hannibal’s feelings, despite the evidence that love, however twisted, was present. He had never even allowed himself to believe Hannibal capable of such a thing. When the image of Hannibal in his dream suggests appealing to his “better nature,” Will’s immediate response is a flat denial: “Didn’t know you had one.” Even in the aftermath of betrayal, he refuses to see heartbreak in Hannibal, dismissing his suffering as a performance.

Yet, despite these rejections, doubt lingered, and Will needed something outside himself to solidify what lay before him. Bedelia, with her unparalleled understanding of Hannibal and of Will himself, does not resort to the crude simplicity of conventional declarations. Instead, she crafts something more precise, more fitting. “Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you and find nourishment at the very sight of you? Yes.” In love? Perhaps. But in the lexicon of Hannibal Lecter, love is hunger, an insatiable craving, a need to consume and possess utterly. For Will, love is an ache, a wound that never quite closes. Bedelia knows this too, which is why she does not ask if he loves Hannibal but rather if he aches for him. She understands that while Hannibal was satisfied by Will’s presence, Will himself was not. Hunger can be sated with a glance, but an ache must be tended, answered. And it is precisely because of this that she is enraged at Will’s plan, because she knows he is lying to himself.

When Will approaches Hannibal after this revelation, he does so with a certainty he never had before. He is assured now, because he knows Hannibal will not run, will not hurt him, will comply, not because he has been caught in a game but because Will has become the object of his hunger. Before, Hannibal’s every action seemed inscrutable, devoid of sincerity, part of some elaborate, unfathomable game. Now, Will sees clearly. The game was never about just manipulation; it was about possession, about pulling Will toward him.

His words to Hannibal, “I don’t have your appetite”, was about the fact that Will had always believed Hannibal only desired the chase, that his affections were ephemeral, that the hunt was all that mattered. “You only surrendered because I rejected you,” he tells Hannibal later, as if confirming his old belief that had he accepted Hannibal’s love, Hannibal would have vanished into the dark once more. And so he rejects him again, “Goodbye, Hannibal”, a final attempt at control, a way to tether him, to ensure he stays.

But after Bedelia, after the lifting of the veil, Will knows the truth: Hannibal does not wish to flee. The game was never about the chase but about convergence, the inevitable pull between two beings who orbit each other with increasing velocity. Will realizes now that perhaps, just perhaps, Hannibal will not run, not if Will lets himself fall.

In this light, his meeting with Hannibal carries an almost triumphant air. The smirk, the teasing cadence...it is the satisfaction of a man who finally sees clearly. For the first time, he is not lost in the labyrinth of Hannibal’s machinations; he stands at the center, seeing every twist and turn for what they are. This is why his exchange with Bedelia held such weight, because, despite all his knowledge, it was she who glimpsed something he had not yet been ready to see. That knowledge burns within him now, and it delights him.

When he tells Hannibal, “I intend to watch him change you,” it is no wordplay. He does not mean to let Dolarhyde take Hannibal’s life. No, what Will intends to witness is the transformation, the shift, the breaking of something, or perhaps the forging of something new. And yet, in the end, it is not Hannibal who changes.

It is Will.

[skyguytoast]

Trading Anakin - Hayden Christensen x cosplayer!reader

SYNOPSIS: At a Star Wars convention, you discover your boyfriend’s cheating just before meeting Hayden Christensen. As heartbreak sets in, Hayden’s kindness makes you question if it’s time for a new Anakin.

WORD COUNT: 1.4k

WARNINGS: Hayden being cute, cheating, angst with hopeful end

A/N: Hello people, this idea was in my drafts a long time, I decided to give it a chance. I hope you enjoy, comments and rebblogs mean the world for me. 💖Kisses and good reading! Dividers by @cafekitsune

request always open!!

You and Ben had been dating for nearly two years, and your relationship had felt like something out of a Star Wars romance tale. You first met at a fan event, both dressed in costumes from Attack of the Clones—you as Padmé in her Geonosis battle attire, and him as Anakin, complete with a makeshift lightsaber. It was serendipitous, like destiny had written your names in the stars. Together, you made a picture-perfect couple, not just in real life but on social media, where your cosplay photos and videos had garnered a loyal following. Invitations to premieres, merchandise endorsements, and collaborations soon followed, making the fandom dream your shared reality. 

But today, everything would change.

The excitement of finally meeting Hayden Christensen was electric. You’d spent sleepless nights preparing for the moment, sewing Padmé’s elegant black dress from Revenge of the Sith to perfection. The velvet fabric hugged your curves, the high neckline adorned with intricate metallic details. You couldn’t help but notice the way people’s eyes followed you as you walked into the convention hall with Ben by your side. He wore his freshly completed Clone Wars-inspired Anakin armor, which you had painstakingly crafted together.

Everything seemed perfect—until it wasn’t.

While waiting in line for your photo with Hayden, you idly checked your phone. A notification from an unknown number caught your eye. At first, you dismissed it as spam, but curiosity got the better of you. Opening the message, you froze. There it was—a picture of Ben, unmistakably him, locked in a passionate kiss with another woman. The blonde was draped all over him, her hands possessively clutching his shoulders. The worst part? He was wearing the padawan Anakin cosplay you had handmade for him.  

Your breath caught in your throat as the world blurred around you. Memories of that day flooded back—you hadn’t been able to attend that event because you were unwell, but Ben had assured you he’d gone alone. He’d even brought back an autograph from Rosario Dawson, gushing about how amazing the experience was. 

And now? The betrayal stared back at you in pixelated clarity. Anger churned in your chest, hot and unrelenting, overshadowing the heartbreak. How could he do this to you, especially today of all days? 

“It’s our turn, baby,” Ben said, his voice light as he gently nudged you forward. The sound grated against your nerves. How could he act so normal? How could he smile like that, knowing what he’d done? 

Your feet moved on autopilot as you approached Hayden, your heart sinking. What should’ve been the highlight of your day now felt tainted.  

“Hi, how are you?” Hayden greeted warmly, his smile radiant, his blue eyes kind and piercing all at once. “Wow, your cosplays are incredible. It’s like seeing them step out of the screen.”

“Thank you,” you murmured, forcing a tight smile as Ben draped an arm around your waist. You instinctively stiffened, pulling away just enough to make your discomfort clear. Hayden’s gaze lingered on you, his brow furrowing slightly, as though he could sense something was amiss.

“How do you want to pose?” he asked gently, his focus shifting between you and Ben. 

Ben, always the showman, grinned. “Padmé in the middle, with her Anakins on either side.”

Hayden’s eyes flicked to you for confirmation, and you gave a small nod, your voice caught in your throat. As you positioned yourselves, Hayden’s arm wrapped protectively around your waist, his touch firm yet comforting. Ben moved to copy him, but Hayden shifted slightly, blocking him without a word. It was subtle, but the gesture didn’t go unnoticed. 

The camera flashed, capturing the moment. You felt Hayden’s fingers brush your side lightly, a silent reassurance. “You make an exceptional Padmé,” he said quietly as you turned to leave. His words were soft, meant for you alone. “You deserve someone who sees that.”

Heat rushed to your cheeks, and for the first time since seeing that message, you smiled—a real smile.  

---

Hours later, the autograph session gave you another chance to interact with Hayden. Ben went ahead, chatting away about lightsabers and Clone Wars trivia. But when it was your turn, Hayden’s demeanor shifted, his smile warm and inviting. 

“Y/N,” he said, remembering your name as he signed the photo. His voice softened. “You seemed upset earlier. Are you okay?”

You hesitated, caught off guard by his perceptiveness. Before you could respond, he leaned closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Whatever’s going on, just know you’re worth more than that.”

Your chest tightened. “Thank you,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. 

Hayden scribbled something on the photo before handing it back, his fingers brushing yours. “If you ever need someone to talk to…” He tapped the corner of the photo, where he’d written his number alongside a small heart. 

You blinked in disbelief, your pulse quickening. “I don’t… I mean, are you sure?”

He smiled, his cheeks tinged with pink. “I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.”

---

“I told you, he only cares about the female fans,” Ben huffed, the usual petulance lacing his voice. “We both took pictures at the same time, but he only remembered your name. Coincidence, right?”

You shrugged, suppressing the volcanic rage bubbling inside you. “Fuck you,” you muttered, brushing past him and letting your shoulder knock his.

Ben blinked, taken aback by your uncharacteristic tone. “Babe, what’s wrong?” he asked, his voice dripping with confusion. 

“Maybe I should be asking you that,” you shot back, raising an eyebrow as you turned to face him.

“I don’t get it,” he stammered, his frown deepening.

With a calmness that felt foreign even to you, you unlocked your phone and held the damning photo up to his face. The image of him passionately kissing another woman—a blonde, wrapped in his arms like she belonged there—was all the explanation you needed. 

“Baby, let me explain,” he started, his voice rising in a panicked plea. “It’s not what it looks like. She threw herself at me—I swear! I didn’t want to—”

“Do you think I’m stupid, Ben?” you snapped, your voice cutting through his excuses like a lightsaber through durasteel. “Your tongue was practically in her throat. And that outfit? The one I spent hours sewing? You’re pathetic.” Your chest heaved with anger, each memory of your trust in him now tainted.

“Come on, baby, now you’re being too harsh,” he whined, his lower lip trembling like a child caught stealing. “You’ve got to hear my side of the story.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” you bit back, stepping away from him. “And right now, I don’t even want to look at you.”

Ben trailed after you as you made your way through the event hall. “Wait! Babe, don’t go! Let’s talk about this—”

“I said, not now.” You yanked your arm free when he reached for you, the touch setting your nerves ablaze. “We’ll talk later.” Your voice left no room for argument.

Ben’s shoulders slumped, his face contorted into an expression of wounded innocence—a manipulative trick you had seen one too many times. As you continued walking, his audacity reached a new height.

“Can you at least lend me some Uber money?” he asked sheepishly. “I spent all my cash on that Darth Vader mask.”

You stopped, turning slowly to look at him with disbelief. For a moment, you considered screaming, throwing something, making a scene. Instead, you settled for the coldest, most cutting response you could muster.

“Well, that sounds like your problem, not mine,” you said icily, brushing past him and exiting the venue. Outside, you hailed a cab, leaving Ben—and his betrayal—behind.

As the taxi pulled away, you allowed yourself a moment to exhale, your rage cooling into a bittersweet sense of freedom. The event arena disappeared behind you, replaced by the sprawling streets of New York. And, for the first time that day, your thoughts shifted to Hayden.

His kindness lingered in your mind like a gentle hum—the way he had noticed your distress, the warmth in his smile, the way his hand had steadied you when everything else was falling apart. He had offered support when you needed it most, without hesitation or expectation. He had seen you.

The memory of his words resurfaced: “You deserve better. Maybe it’s time to trade in your Anakin.” A soft smile tugged at your lips, and for the first time since the cheating, you allowed yourself to believe him.

Because before the sun comes the rain, and without it, there would be no rainbow. Maybe, just maybe, the bad times weren’t the end—maybe they were the beginning of something new. Something brighter. Something—or someone—worth holding onto.

TAG LIST: @ihearthayden @anakinstwinklebunny @sometimescharlolette

[secular-jew]

I’m a Palestinian American. Here’s Why I Can’t Support the Anti-Israel Protesters. By Elizabeth Gillanders. August 16, 2024

Walking past Union Station in the nation’s capital, I recently was met with a heartbreaking sight. Vandals had defaced the Columbus Memorial Fountain with spray paint, writing the words “Hamas is coming” in big red letters.

Trash and signs discarded by anti-Israel protesters littered the ground. A burnt shopping cart stood off to one side with piles of ash beneath it.

Most depressing, however, were the three bare flag poles that had been robbed of their American flags. Protesters had burned the flags, the only remnant a charred piece of fabric atop another pile of ash.

This was the aftermath of the July 24 “pro-Palestinian” protests in Washington, D.C., organized in response to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s address that day to a joint meeting of Congress.

As an American of Palestinian heritage, some expect me to cheer on these people. They expect me to condemn the U.S., hate Israel, and support Hamas, a terrorist organization dedicated to wiping out the Jewish state.

But these expectations don’t represent me, nor my family.

I inherit my Palestinian background from my mother’s side of the family; her parents emigrated to America from the Middle East. My grandma was born in Israel and later moved to Ramallah in the West Bank and eventually to Jordan.

After arriving in America in her 20s, my grandma worked hard to become a U.S. citizen. She learned the English language while raising my mother and uncle. She opened a restaurant with my grandpa, lovingly named the Chicken Pantry, in Hamtramck, Michigan. When that business closed, my grandma worked as a real estate agent before eventually retiring in the land of prosperity.

America brought my family prosperity. My grandparents taught my mother to “kiss the ground you walk on” because they knew what a blessing America is.

They passed this lesson on to me.

Although many seem to think that my Palestinian heritage should cause me to align with protests that supposedly are “pro-Palestinian,” it’s precisely because of my heritage that I cannot do that.

Israel went to war with Hamas in the Gaza Strip only after Hamas terrorists slaughtered 1,200 and kidnapped about 250 in a rampage of rape, torture, and murder Oct. 7 in southern Israel.

About 10 months later, as pro-Hamas protesters march in this country to “free Palestine,” they call for the death of America. As they burn the American flag, they burn all that my family has worked to achieve.

As the protesters pledge their allegiance to Hamas, they encourage a group that my grandmother wouldn’t hesitate to call a terrorist organization that operates with a strategy of human sacrifice.

Think about it. Why are there no Hamas military bases in the Gaza Strip adjoining Israel? Because the terrorists hide behind their own people.

They dress like noncombatants in Gaza. They establish bunkers in hospitals. They commandeer ambulances for transportation.

These actions are all in direct violation of Article 18 of the Geneva Conventions, the international pacts that set minimum standards during armed conflict for the treatment of civilians, soldiers, and prisoners of war.

One example is Hamas’ use of Gaza’s most important hospital, Al-Shifa. According to the Foundation for Defense of Democracies, Hamas uses a bunker under the hospital as a base for military operations. This not only makes the hospital a target, but takes medical resources needed for the sick.

In contrast, the Israel Defense Forces have given civilians in Gaza opportunities to evacuate and warned of impending attacks. No other nation goes this far to protect enemy civilians.

How can I support pro-Hamas demonstrators who wish to end the nation that brought my family so much? How can I back a terrorist group that uses its own people as human shields? How can I hate Israel, when the IDF has worked to keep Palestinian civilians out of harm’s way?

I believe it’s important to point out that, contrary to popular belief, not all Arabs think the same. Some of us do see this conflict differently. And our thoughts and beliefs should not be snuffed out because they go against the “narrative.”

To some, perhaps our stance makes us walking oxymorons. But we are proud ones, nonetheless.

[if-whats-new]

What's New In IF? Issue 31 (2024)

By Aj, Dion, Briar, Jen and Peter

Now Available!

Itch.io - Keep Reading below

If you read the zine, consider liking the post: it helps us see how many people see it! And sharing is caring! <3

~ EDITORIAL ~

Apologies for the delayed Issue!

As you might know, we unfortunately had to delay this Issue due to some personal matters. But as promised, it’s finally here! We wouldn’t want you to miss out on any news.

As this Issue says on the front page, it contains news from November 23rd to November 29th.

But! The Events should be updated to match their status on December 4th, as they are more time-sensitive.

Issue 32 should be released on time. That means two Issues this week!

We want some feedback!

As we’re starting to get a hand of things, we would love some feedback from you guys! What you enjoy, want more or less off, how we could improve... Anything goes! We even have a nifty form.

We hope you enjoy this new issue!

AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER

~ BE A PART OF THE ZINE ~

THIS ZINE ONLY HAPPENS WITH YOU!

Want to write 1-2 pages about a neat topic, or deep-dive into a game and review it in details? Share personal experiences or get all academic?

WRITE FOR THE COLUMN!

Prefer to be more low-key but still have something to share? Send us a Zine Letter or share a game title for Highlight on…!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Came across something interesting? Know a release or an update announced? Saw an event happening? Whether it's a game, an article, a podcast… Add any IF-related content to our mini-database!

EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!

Contact us through Tumblr asks, Forum DMs, or even by email! And thank you for your help!!

~ EVENT SPOTLIGHT : Videotome Jam - "Waiting" ~

November 16th to December 1st 2024

Videotome Jam is a two-week-long game jam for games made in any of the Videotome engines with the optional theme of "Waiting".

What is Videotome?

Videotome is a series of small homebrew IF/VN engines made by Freya Campbell (communistsister), an indie game developer focusing on narrative games that are usually:

science fiction, horror, &/or romance

close to 100% LGBTQ characters

free/PWYW with low tech requirements

liable to make players keysmash due to feelings

Videotome was first released in April 2022 as a part of a game entry for the Domino Club collective. The initial idea for the engine was to make writing text-heavy games as hassle-free as possible, focusing not that much on the visual presentation format, but more on the writer's experience. It would allow writers to write in a notepad and then it would somehow grab the .txt file and parse the lines into an array, spitting them out one line at a time as a kinetic novel.

At the moment there are four engines available:

Videotome, for linear, no frills text / images / music;

Videotome ADV, adding a more conventional layout with ignorable choices and branching;

Super Videotome, for more fully featured and freeform image/canvas use;

Videotome Heartbreak, adding a stat raising dating sim & storylets structure to the above.

If you're more interested in the process of making these engines, check out the devs blog post - Words, Friction, Syntax: Stuff I thought about when making Videotome. (The post also includes a very interesting case study concerning other game engines Freya has experience with.)

If you want to check out some examples of projects made with Videotome, take a look at this collection. It includes games made by both Freya and other devs.

~ ENDED ~

The Educational Jam has ended. Check out the thirteen entries and learn something new!

The voting for ECTOCOMP 2024 is officially over! Check out the results!

You can now check out all 16 entries to the Videotome Jam!

Disabled Rep VN Jam has a very simple premise but a very important message. Check out the submissions!

~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~

A Very Hallmark Game Jam has entered the voting phase. You can now vote for your favourite out of the five entries.

~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~

Media depicting healthy examples of polyamory isn’t that common. The PolyJamorous 2024 is trying to break the status-quo!

This year’s Yuri Game Jam is in full progress. The devs have until December 2nd to submit their projects.

Once upon a time, a game jam was held to create stories around the theme of fairy tales… and that game jam is the Once Upon A Time VN Jam. It’s running from October 1st to January 31st.

Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2025 is for all French-speaking enthusiasts. Submissions are accepted March 3rd 2025.

Are you perhaps a fan of more somber, melancholic themes? Then check out the Dying Year - Visual Novel Jam! You have until the end of the year to participate.

The Black Visual Novel Jam is all about working with creative professional developers who work in visual novels to bring more Black stories to life. The goal is to create a space where Black creators can show their unique storytelling through visual novels.

IF Short Games Showcase 2024 is a great way to shine some new light on your projects made in the past year (Jan 1, 2024 to Dec 31, 2024), regardless of whether or not they are previously released! You have until January 15th 2025 to join.

Winter Visual Novel Jam 2024 is here! You have until January 1st 2025 to submit your projects.

Are you familiar with Decker? Then why not take a part in the Deck-Month 2?

Another bitsy jam is here. This time with the theme "better late than never".

~ OTHER ~

PIZZAPRANKS is accepting submissions for their Indiepocalypse Issue #61. If you’re a dev and would like to try out your luck, definitely check it out! Any game is welcomed, not only IF.

~ NEW RELEASE ~

You stand at the edge of a vast and foreboding cave system, its mouth yawning like the jaws of some ancient beast. This is no ordinary cave—it is the entrance to the Caverns of the Forgotten, a labyrinth of twisting tunnels, hidden chambers, and unfathomable mysteries that have claimed countless explorers before you.

Generations ago, invaders brought magic to the Kingdom of Jubai, setting battlemages at the top of the noble power structure and leaving everyone else oppressed. Now, a secret organization of mage hunters has risen up, phoenixlike, to stand against the mages' power and overthrow their rule. Can your secret order of mage hunters save the kingdom, or will internal strife tear you apart in Magehunter: Phoenix Flame (CScript)?

Today is your first day of work here at Toy Maker’s TOY BOX (Ren’Py). Pull apart stitches or rip off an arm or two; we support whatever you must do to ensure that you only save toys of the highest quality. Should you ever feel unsure, there’s no need to panic! Simply toss the trash where it belongs: the incinerator. After all, it’s of the utmost importance that inspectors upkeep the Maker’s image.

You're struggling for friends in a new town and decide to check out a cute diner! — 'That New Diner', huh? Odd name for a restaurant, but I see advertisements for it everywhere. Might as well check it out. Who knows, maybe I'll meet somebody?

What does the glass sound like? Quite tinkly. It crumbled into sand under the feet of all those worried people circling around. As for you, there was darkness in your eyes for a long time. And the glass has melted into silence long since. But what is this place? And who is this stranger standing in front of you? And most importantly, where — or who — did the bullet hit? — Monarch (Ren’Py) is a short visual novel game that was made during Ukrainian Micro Visual Novel Jam in 10 days.

Halloween is a big deal in Port Gillain, steeped as the town is in old folklore and ghost stories. You, the local psychic, regularly attend the festivities. This year, you can bring a friend. The Second Sight: All Hallow's Eve (Twine) is a companion story to The Second Sight: Dead Reckoning.

Your Aunt’s House (Adventuron) is a short story about mourning. @kessielrg

The story centers around Larry, a cab driver eking out a meagre existence in a dystopian near-future, until he unwittingly finds himself centre-stage in the midst of a technological revolution. — For the first time this multi-media project can be experienced in the form of an interactive novel. Larry Folger Volume I contains all the chapters of the ongoing narrative complete with music from the series.

Your feather, my wing is a game about getting close to the object of an experiment that your 'super-secret lab' leads! It's all about fun, fluff and cuddles. Nothing serious and if anyone from the "normal world" came to this organization, they'd be disappointed by the lack of pathos, mystery and seriousness. But do you care?

Nestled at the edge of an ancient forest, Ravenwood Hill looms like a shadowed sentinel against the pale moonlight. This is no ordinary place; whispers of its dark history echo through the trees, carried by the wailing wind. The townsfolk speak of disappearances, of mysterious lights flickering in the mansion atop the hill, and of secrets buried deep beneath its crumbling foundations. In Ravenwood Hill, you are the only one brave—or foolish—enough to uncover the truth.

As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!

~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~

Iberian Tales (Twine) - Life was once tranquil on the isolated coast of your city, surrounded by a loving family and promising prospects for success in your societal position. However, tranquility shattered as flames engulf your city, escape becomes the only viable option, if luck favors you enough to evade the soldiers blocking your path that is. @iberiantalesif-game

The Thorned Garden (CScript) is a Harem Intrigue game where you can die at any turn. Build up skills and connections to survive and climb the rankings. @opossumfern

Locked in a luxurious but ominous hotel, you are forced to face trials alongside five other people. Who abducted you and for what reason? What does the future hold with different organizations fighting for power over the world? And just how much is at stake when you play a twisted game without rules? Whether you want it or not, welcome to the Threshold (Twine). @thethreshold-if

5 days (Ren’Py) - Every step forward feels like another memory slipping through your fingers and yet, the world moves on — forcing you to find a way to follow, even when it feels impossible to let go.

~ UPDATES ~

As Gods Fall (CScript) released Chapters 4 and 5. @asgodsfall-if

Knight of Greenhaven (CScript) released Chapter 2.

Lost in your eyes (CScript) released part five of Chapter 3 on Patreon. @kathrinesadventures

Saturnine (CScript) added new content to their demo. @satur9-if

The Thousand Of Us (CScript) added new content to their public demo. @ivanwm-05

Weeping Gods (CScript) added new content to their demo. @jcollinswrites

The Summoner (CScript) released a part of Chapter 4.

Ashenmaw - Dragons of Marrowoods (CScript) added a part of Chapter 1 to their demo. @ashenmaw-if

Our Life: Now and Forever (Ren’Py) added Step 2 introduction scenes to their public demo. @gb-patch

Wasteland Pony Express added new content to their demo. @katieaki

The In-Between (CScript) released Chapter 11. @dalekowrites

Crown of Exile (Twine) released Chapter 10 on Patreon. @ramonag-if

~ OTHER ~

350p Adventure has been ported from Infor 6 to PunyInform. You can either download it or play it online in your browser. — (Some interesting trivia: The game is sometimes called Advent, because the system it was created on in the 70s would not allow filenames to be more than six characters long. This game is sometimes considered as the very first text adventure.)

~

As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.

If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!

~ MAYBE YOU NEXT? ~

We did not get a submission this week. But if you have an idea for a short essay, or would like a special space to share your thoughts about IF and the community...

Shoot us an email!

~ HIGHLIGHT ON ~

A couple of games that we thought were cool.

Your favourite game here?

Do you have a favourite game that deserves some highlighting?

An old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone?

Tell us about it! And it might appear here!

WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...

Have something to say? Send us a message titled: Zine Letter!

As we end this issue, we would like to thank:

our awesome mysterious anon!

all you readers who liked, shared, and commented on the last issue! What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us! Thank you for cheering us on this journey!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And see you again on Saturday!

AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 31

[cece693]

Humanity (Rosalie Hale x M! Vamp Reader)

Just got my computer fixed. Something I wrote some time ago, and may be considered unfinished

Summary: What if Rosalie had been accompanied when Royce attacked her? What if her lover got turned into a vampire, and believed it was for the best to break up with Rosalie due to his new status?

tags: blood, death, vampire transformation, the reader doesn't believe Rosalie would continue to love him as a vampire, open-ended

"Go see her." Carlisle advised again, as if you would magically change your mind this time. You turned away, staring out the window at the endless stretch of forest. You didn’t trust yourself, not around her. Every time you closed your eyes, you were back on that cold street, Rosalie’s hand in yours as Royce stumbled toward you both.

He was drunk, furious, and desperate, demanding Rosalie to return to him. It wasn't out of love, no, it was to soothe his ego; no woman had broken up with him, rejected his advances, and gone for someone he perceived less of his status. When Rosalie denied him once more, and Royce stepped forward, you pushed him away, and in the drunken man's rage, had pulled a knife. A quick flash of steel, a sharp sting, and your own blood pooling in your hands.

Carlisle had found you barely clinging to life, and his decision had been swift. The transformation was agony, but nothing compared to the heartbreak of waking up to a world where you couldn’t offer Rosalie the life she deserved.

You’d decided then to let her go.

She deserved more than what you could give her now—a wedding, a family, the chance to grow old surrounded by grandchildren, and eventually, the peace of a natural death. If it were up to you, the moment you awakened, you would've moved to another city—continent even—but Carlisle prevented it. Your red irises would raise questions, but you knew he was also bidding time in case you changed your mind.

“What’s the point, Carlisle?” you finally asked, your voice low and tired. “Seeing me won’t change what’s been done. And I'm not naive as to believe she'll accept...this."

“She’s lost without you.” Carlisle said softly, but you could hear the urgency beneath his calm demeanor. “You both are.” It was true; from what he had told you, Rosalie had been devastated since the news of your "death" reached her. She had become a shadow of herself, locking herself in her room for days, her sobs echoing through the halls of her family’s home. Even her parents' desperate attempts to match her with another suitor fell flat. She wanted no one else—only you.

And as broken as she was, you were worse. A vampire couldn’t die by conventional means, but that hadn’t stopped you from trying. You had thrown yourself from great heights, hoping that maybe, somehow, the impact would do what nothing else could. You had waded out into the deepest waters, letting yourself sink, waiting for the ocean to claim you. And when those failed, you’d simply stopped feeding, your body wracked with a pain that almost matched the one in your chest.

"She's better off without me."

A heavy silence fell between you both. Carlisle’s patience seemed endless, but even you could tell it was wearing thin. He sighed deeply, a weary sound that spoke of centuries of burdens. “Maybe it’s not your choice to make.”

You turned to him, brow furrowed. “What do you mean?” But before he could answer, you heard it—a heartbeat. You stiffened, your senses snapping to attention.

“Carlisle, what did you do?” Then came the sound of her footsteps—soft but purposeful, echoing through the halls. Each step sent a jolt of panic through you, your instincts screaming at you to run, to put distance between yourself and what was coming.

“She deserves to make her own decisions.” Carlisle said quietly, moving past you to open the door.

You didn’t turn around. You couldn’t. Even without looking, her scent flooded your senses, more vivid than you remembered—fresh rain, soft roses, and something uniquely hers, something you could never forget. Your throat burned as venom pooled in your mouth, a stark reminder of the monster you’d become.

This was why you stayed away—why you refused to see her. You couldn’t trust yourself, couldn’t guarantee you wouldn’t hurt her. She deserved better than this dangerous temptation, better than the hollow existence you could offer. Carlisle excused himself, providing you both with some semblance of privacy, but you knew he would be listening. He had faith in your blood control, but accidents always occur.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

Her question hung in the air, heavy with the weight of her pain. You could hear the strain in her voice, the tears she was trying so hard to hold back.

“I’m not who you remember.” If you faced her now, she’d see everything—the darkness, the hunger, the inhuman red of your eyes.“I’m not the person you loved.”

“Then let me see who you are now.” she countered, her voice stronger this time, laced with determination. “Don’t I deserve that much?”

A surge of emotion broke through your defenses, and despite everything, you found yourself turning to face her. The moment your eyes met, the world seemed to stop. Rosalie stood there, her golden hair cascading over her shoulders, her eyes wide and filled with an overwhelming mix of emotions—relief, pain, anger, and something else, love.

Rosalie's breath hitched as she took in your appearance: your crimson eyes, the paleness of your skin, but you were still you. The man she'd fallen in love with.

"I’ve been in hell since you left." she said, taking a step forward. "I mourned you, cursed the world for taking you away from me. But now you're alive, and you expect me to just walk away? To forget?"

"Yes, I'm dangerous now. One wrong move—a moment of weakness—and I'll hurt you."

"You won't." Rosalie promised, taking a determined step closer. Her voice was steady, filled with a confidence that you could only wish you shared. But the reality of your situation loomed large, the danger too real to ignore. You couldn’t afford to let her get any closer—not when every instinct in your body screamed to protect her from yourself.

In a flash, you moved to the other side of the room, putting as much distance between you as possible. You watched her closely, the slight widening of her eyes betraying the fear she tried so hard to hide. It cut deep, but it was necessary. She needed to understand.

"I can’t give you the life you want—children, growing old, a normal marriage, grandchildren. Nothing." You hissed, your voice trembling with a mix of frustration and anguish. "This isn’t a life I’m going to subject you to. Not if I have a say in it."

Rosalie’s face hardened, the pain of your words clashing with her stubborn determination. “You don’t get to decide what I can or can’t have.” she snapped, her voice rising with defiance. “You don’t get to take away my choices. I want you! Why is that so hard for you to comprehend?”

"Because I don't want it." you admitted, your voice raw with vulnerability. "I’m scared that you’ll come to realize that this—” you gestured vaguely to yourself, to the shadows that clung to you, “—is not what you think it is. That you’ll see the truth of what I’ve become and hate me for it. I can’t bear the thought of you hating me, Rosalie. I can’t bear losing you like that.”

Her eyes softened, the intensity of her defiance shifting to something gentler, more understanding. “You think I haven’t already seen you, all of you?” she asked quietly, taking a step closer. “I know what you’ve become, and I still want to be with you. I’m not afraid of the darkness that’s part of you. I’m afraid of losing you because you’re too afraid to let me in.”

You were silent, struggling to find the right words to respond, the weight of your fears pressing heavily on your chest. The idea of Rosalie coming to hate you was a nightmare you couldn’t fully escape, a specter haunting every corner of your mind. And yet, here she was, standing before you with nothing but love and determination in her eyes.

“You’re not a monster.” she said firmly. “You’re someone I love deeply, someone who’s hurting and needs me just as much as I need you.”

You remained planted on the other side of the room. Your mind was fighting with your heart. You wanted Rosalie, but the risk was too high...she was still a human. Weak. A temptation to the beast now inhabiting you. Could you accept her love when it might soon turn the tide and leave you grieving?

[tantramassageindia]

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[theseareafewofmyfavoritethingzz]

The Golden Raven thoughts:

Jean Moreau it seems I've grown quite fond of you...

I forgot how much I like Nora writing Neil he's become so woobified in the fandom especially in relation to andreil and it was so refreshing to see him and Andrew written as their own characters obviously it's shown they care for each other but their relationship isn't conventional and she doesn't put it in that box

Jeremy I think you need to kill your parents

Cat and Jean are my favorite thing ever they're besties your honor!! Forehead kisses! Motorcycles!! "Point to the raven in the room"!!!

Jeremy Knox I love you my boy but you need to find some self-worth

Jean knocking the snot out of Bryson was so satisfying Laila was right it was swoon-worthy

But also - Jean ready to fight to protect his friends and Lucas but won't even speak in his own defense

Thinking about the difference between deserve and want for Jean and how he's still kind of stuck in his ways about him not deserving anything more, because he believes as property he doesn't have that right, but that he wants good things anyway and allowing himself to recognize that want is a big step forward! "I am a Moreau, this is what I deserve" to "fuck what I deserve, what about what I want?"

Andrew clocked Jeremy's tea that's so fucking funny

Unfunny note, Riko Moriyama rise from the dead and then **** ********!!! I can't believe the reason for Kevin's whole "it'll be easier if he remains heterosexual" is because Riko quite literally tried to BLEED the queer out of Jean after he realized he had feelings for Kevin WHO THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT JEREMY!!!

This is heartbreaking but also

Imagining Kevin being like "Riko he's not GAY everyone stares at Jeremy Knox like that" oh bud

Cody is perfect hope you get your polycule figured out monarch

Anyway there's more thoughts™️ but this is already too long more later if I don't get swept up with 9-1-1!

[holylulusworld]

Romanian Kiss

Summary: Your fiancè leaves you for someone else. You try to get him back and meet a grumpy taxi driver.

Pairing: Taxi Driver!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Warnings: cheating (not Bucky), angst, heartbreak, meet cute, fluff, bad Romanian

A/N: This story was inspired by the movie "French Kiss" but takes place in Romania (Bucharest).

A/N2: I'm deep down the Bucky rabbit hole again so bear with me...

Words: 1,4k

He left you. He went to Romania for an important convention.

Suddenly he didn’t call you back.

But he left a message, telling you he found the love of his life.

Love of his life? Not a week ago, he promised you forever, and suddenly, another woman took your place. One he met two days ago.

You had no choice but to catch the next plane and hit Romania to find John and win him over again. He can’t just throw three and a half years of a relationship out of the window because he met some girl half his age.

So, this is how you ended up in the cab of the grumpiest guy you ever met. He pretended to not understand your language and grumbled under his breath the whole way to the next hotel.

“Sir,” you sighed as he didn’t react. “Can you tell me where the convention is? My fiancé is there,” you tried again. “I know you understand me. Please, I need to find him. He left and met that girl. I—he can’t just throw our life together away.”

“Miss,” he suddenly said, “stop talking so much. Maybe that’s why he left you. I’ll drive you to the hotel, but I’m not a city guide.”

“Whoa, I thought European taxi drivers were nicer than the ones in New York City,” you huffed and looked out of the window. 

“Maybe you should head back then and leave Romania alone,” he snapped at you and slammed his hands onto the steering wheel.

You bit the inside of your cheek. His words haunted you like an unwanted truth. Hot tears wanted to spring free. John leaving you. The stranger taunting you. Your hopeless situation. Torn between wanting John back and running away.

All damns broke when he grunted at you and accused you of being an annoying woman. You sniffled and the tears finally fell. 

You couldn’t stop. He had to stop the car and talk to you. He opened the door and sat next to you in the backseat. “If you stop crying, I’ll drive you anywhere you want to.”

He told you his name, an odd one. Bucky. At first, you believed he lied and tried to make fun of you; but it was his real name. He talked and talked to make you calm down. While you tried to stop the tears from falling, he murmured words you didn’t understand. 

He called you păpuşă and prinţesă. His words calmed you, and you allowed Bucky to hold your hand while you told this stranger about your past, and the love you just lost.

You believed him when he told you that he’d help you find John. He had no reason to help you, but he did.

For the next few days, Bucky drove you around town. He showed Bucharest, the most important places, and helped you stalk your fiancé and his new girl.

He even let you cry in his chest when you watched John meet the girl’s parents after knowing her for a few days. And the worst was, she wore a diamond ring, making your chest tighten.

“The convention is held in this building,” he said and pointed at the luxurious building. “Do you want to go inside and find out if your fiancé is in there?”

“I don’t know,” you said and meant it. If you met your fiancé right at that moment, you didn’t know what to say. “What if she’s prettier than me, or smarter…or younger.”

“Doll,” he placed his hand on your shoulder, “if you don’t talk to him, you’ll never know. If you want me to, I’ll drive you back to your hotel and you can fly back home and forget about him.”

“No, you’re right. I should talk to him but,” you sighed and looked down at your body. “Jeans and t-shirts won’t make him see me in a different light, don’t you think?”

“If you want me to,” he cupped your face and looked you deep in the eyes, “I’ll turn you into a maneater stealing his heart and mind.”

“You look stunning,” he said, watching you walk out of the bathroom of your suite. “I mean…wow.” Bucky eyed you up and down. 

“I,” you shook your head. The dress felt like a second skin, but you felt like it was suffocating you. The heels were too high and the make-up too much for your liking. 

In other words – this wasn’t you. But if wearing a short and figure-hugging dress, too much make-up, and heels makes John fall for you again, so be it.

“Go ahead, doll,” Bucky said and gently nudged you toward the entrance of the fancy restaurant. All you had to do was walk inside, pass John’s table by, and sit at the table Bucky reserved for you. He’d take care of the new girl by your fiancé’s side and distract her long enough for John to fall for you again. “He will love you.”

You took a deep breath and got the show on the road. While walking inside the restaurant, you held your head high and didn’t look at anyone. Including John.

For a second, you heard him gasp when you walked past his table, but you resisted the urge to turn your head to look his way.

You used the few words you learned in Romanian from Bucky to order water and food. The whole time you didn’t look at John’s table, always busy talking to the waiter, checking your phone, or reading the tourist guide Bucky bought for you.

“Y/N?” You only looked up when John was standing right in front of your table. He looked surprised and a little scared. “What are you doing here?”

“John?” You acted surprised too. “What are you doing here?”

“I told you about the convention, didn’t I?” He cocked his head to look you up and down. His eyes trained on your chest he murmured your name when you acted like you forgot about him, the convention, and the fact that he left you for some other girl. 

“Oh, that was in Romania. I can’t remember, sorry. With all the things going on in my life, the cancellation of our wedding and buying a new apartment I forgot about you.”

He sat down and puffed his chest. John tried, just like he did before he asked you out on a date for the first time, to impress you. You smiled and let his compliments and charm wash over you.

John and you dined together, and it almost felt like back then. And when he asked you to join him in his hotel room, you didn’t hesitate to follow him.

A few days ago, you would’ve happily given in to his advances. A few hours ago, you dreamed of being with him again. 

But at that moment, all you could think about was the guy you ran into while chasing your unfaithful fiancé.

His lips didn’t feel perfect against yours any longer, and the weight on top of yours didn’t make you feel how you should. 

“No, stop,“ you pushed him off you. “This isn’t right.”

“Baby, it’s right. I was a fool,” you whimpered at his words.

“I came here to hunt you down and win you over again but..” You got off the bed and grabbed your dress. “Not a few hours ago you wanted to marry that woman. Tonight, you believe I’m some sexy wonder woman but in the morning, I’m still the same woman I used to be.”

He tried to stop you, but you shook your head. “Please give me another chance. I was blinded by lust and—” He trailed off. “Maybe I was scared of the future and getting married.”

“You weren’t scared of marrying that woman you barely knew,” you cocked your head and gave him a sad smile. “Just tell me the truth. You’re not made for normalcy and me.” You bitterly admitted. “I’m not exciting and wild. Only the reliable and boring woman you easily forgot about the moment you met someone else.”

“You did what?” Bucky threw his hands up as you ran to him after you turned John down. “Why? I mean…all the effort and you let him off the hook?”

“It didn’t feel right,” you murmured and dropped your gaze.

“Why?”

“Why what?” You asked.

“Why did you turn him down,” he stepped closer to gently cup your face. “Tell me why, prinţesă.”

“I can’t…”

“Why?” He softly asked. “Doll?”

“I’m scared.”

“Tell me,” Bucky leaned closer to whisper against your lips. “Please.”

“Te iubesc,“ you whispered.

“I love you too,” he pressed his lips to yours and wrapped his arms around you. Right at that moment, you forgot about John and your past together. All that counted was Bucky holding you in his arms.

Tags in reblog.

[toyoumyloves]

I have no problems with making these posts even through it's your job that I took on when we broke up, but every time I see your game or that photo of us playing together, it hits me that there won't be any of those ever again

[eddis-not-eeddis]

I haven't really talked about this a lot on here, though most of my long time mutuals have probably noticed that I've started studying Japanese.

My reason for learning Japanese is that I'm planning to spend next summer in Japan, and possibly even live there long term if things play out right.

Japan is a country with a little over 122 million people. Of those, less than 2% are Christian. In fact, according to the missionaries in the prayer group I belong to, a significant portion of the Christians in Japan are foreigners.

When I first learned of this in February this year, it bowled me over, and I wanted to somehow become involved in Japanese missions, even though at that time I had no plans to become a "missionary."

But as I continued to get involved (joining prayer groups, donating to various missions and missionaries, attending conventions, and making contacts who are active in the mission work in Japan), the more I realized I can't just sit back and do things from the comfort of my own home. Japan is a developed nation, but one missionary working there told me that many Japanese people won't meet a Christian at any point in their life, and if they do, the Christians they meet will likely not share their faith.

To me that's heartbreaking.

So my plan is to go to Japan. I don't know if going as a traditional missionary is something I can do, or even want to do. I have a lot of missionaries in my family, and I've seen a lot of the ways the modern mission model has failed. That said, I'm not opposed to it, if I can find a mission board that will accept me.

I have a lot to do, and a lot of things will have to fall into place before I can make it to Japan, and it will be a very labor intensive and expensive process. I know if this is the work the Lord requires of me, that a way will be provided, but I am still a little daunted.

If I could get prayers towards this area specifically, I would very much appreciate it.

I need the money to get there, I need to be able to find work--either as a missionary, or I must find a job that will let me work overseas--I need to figure out what I'm going to do with my education (do I continue in my current major which doesn't really transfer very well to the Japanese job market), I need to make more connections, I need to do SOOOOOOOOOOO much paperwork, and I need to become fluent in the language.

If you would pray for these things, and that the right doors will be opened for me, and for wisdom throughout this whole process, I would be immensely grateful.

This was never something I had planned on. I'm pretty lost. But God knows the way, and I trust that if he wants me to do this, he will enable me.