#it's making me confront some repressed feelings and also confronts me with a life i'm afraid of making for myself

[mariesoliver]

Every episode of Beef i'm like these ppl sure are making decisions

[dolche-tejada]

Round 7 : The Duality of Qin and Hades

I don't think there was any other round conclusion that left me that confused at first. I mean... why did Hades died so tragically when he was fighting for his family and to honor his dead brother's memory, motives that usually tend to be some huge green flags in those kinds of mangas ? And then I realized the answer was right there : Hades was doomed to lost like this precisely because he was fighting for the honor of his family. To understand what I mean, you had to take a look at Hades and Qin as characters

Let's begin with Hades. He is at his core a tragic figure and this well before his actual downfall. From the moment he's introduced into the plot, Hades is defined above all through one thing : Duty. He's one of the most feared and respected gods of Valhalla, someone on which everyone rely and the Ruler of Helheim.

And this is his tragedy because Hades does not assume the responsibilities and duty that come with his status, he endures them and lets them define his entire life.

His whole language is always axed about how he has to do this or how he can't lose that just because that's who he is, never because that's his own choice.

Hades has no desire to avenge Poseidon. He's emotionally exhausted (look at the bags under his eyes), he admitted not having fought for a long time and more importantly : He damn well knows that Poseidon couldn't care less about being avenged. But he has to fight anyway because it's his inherent duty as an older brother, his vow is part of who he is.

He wasn't supposed to fight in the Ragnarok and didn't even want to kill Qin against whom he hold no real grudge. Quite the opposite, he even comes to sympathize with him and admiring him. But he still chooses to fight without hesitation since it's his duty as a god and king of the Netherworld. He can't lose against a mere king of men.

And that's where Qin comes in.

His introduction actually sums him up perfectly : We see him making his own way by breaking through walls into the gods' VIP lodges instead of waiting in his room ; he ragdolled Ares who tried to force him to leave ; and when Brunhilde asks him to follow her to the entrance gate, here's his answer

This is his core character : Qin doesn't care about traditions and expectations. He doesn't follow the path that is expected of him, he traces his own road (literally and metaphorically) and makes no compromises with anyone, whether they are gods or humans.

When confronted to Chi You, a tyrannical demon god who oppresses his country and people, Qin doesn't resign himself to accept it like previous kings did, he actively fights against this status quo and forces it to bend to his notion of duty

It can be long (his fight with Chi You literally take six days), it can be painful but this is how he proceeds and that's his greatest source of pride. He's not defined by his status as king, he's the one who defines what it means to be one

This is an essential component of his backstory and Round 7 writing. When we meet Qin as a child, he's the radical opposite of the one we know : He doesn't try to impose himself as a person and rather immediately conforms to the expectations of those around him.

Chun Yan scolds him for not acting like a child should ? He forces himself to act as such to satisfy her. His guards and the locals of Zhao use him as a scapegoat for the people they've lost ? He apologizes and endures hatred and excruciating pain because that's what is expected from him. That he passively endures

You know where I'm going with this : Little Qin is basically Hades' foil. Both represses their feelings to conform themselves to duty and exterior expectations, which make them utterly miserable (which isn't that apparent for Hades yet but I'm coming to this).

However, Qin grew up from this through his meeting with Chun Yan, which made him realize something that will forge him into a king

A lesson Alvitr will also remind him at the end of his fight by asking him to say clearly what he wants when he started to doubt of himself. Something to which Qin just answered : "I want to win... No matter what !"

One wants to win because he has made a promise from his own will, the other has to win since his vow define him.

Because Hades never learnt that lesson and always suffered from it. I've seen a lot of people praising him for how cool and badass of a big brother he is in his backstory, for wiping out a whole army of titans to protect his siblings but imo this is just sad. Instead of talking to his family about this threat and trying to find a solution together, he immediately assumes that he has to deal with them alone, even tho he knows that they are too much and he might actually die.

And when Poseidon asks him if everything's okay, he isn't even able to ask for help or just look at his brother when he's lying to him

But miraculously this time he managed to win this battle, thanks to his trump card : Ichor Eos. An ability that highlights how self-destructive Hades is when it comes to protect his duty and family. To activate this trump card, he has to hurt himself and bleed. Fulfilling his duty literally requires from him to sacrifice himself.

And despite this, Hades still insists that everything is fine afterwards. No matter how heavy his burden is, he will never be defeated because that's what the world expects from him

Except he did. Sadly this time, his burden was too heavy and he got destroyed in the process. Hades died and not even in a satisfying way. Just compare with the others fighters' death :

Lu Bu died feeling joy for the first time in his life, happy to finally fighting an equal

Adam lost with a peaceful smile on his face, knowing that he did his best to protect his children

Poseidon was bitter in his last moments but held on to his pride until the end

Heracles remained faithful to what he is and inspired Jack to become a better person

Raiden had the best sumo fight of his life and vanished with the woman he loved

Zerofuku finally got to be happy too

Nikola gave the most wholesome speech ever known to Mankind after making science evolved once again

And Leonidas was proud, having proven that Sparta will always be the strongest

But Hades ? Nothing of that

In his last moments, he was convinced of having let his family down and being a failure as a result, apologizing to them for this just before disappearing forever under their eyes.

And the most painful part of this is that Hades was the only one to see himself as such. The members of his family may have admired him for his strength and his willingness to make any sacrifice for the honor of gods but they still loved him first and foremost as a person. Adamas was ready to throw away his own pride as a god (the thing Hades literally died for) by killing a crippled half-dead Qin for winning in a fair fight. Hermes composed a requiem in his memory and Zeus was both heartbroken and sorry to hear his last words. He knew his brother had nothing to apologize for but realized that the latter didn't.

At the end of the day, Hades didn't lost this battle of kings just because Qin was stronger. He lost because Qin was the better king and learn to find worth in himself rather than in what people expected from him, while Hades let his responsibilities consume him throughout his whole life.

[least-carpet]

I am curious: how do you think would work realistically a jc and wwx's reconciliation? Have you any meta on them and their relationship?

I'm sorry this took a minute, anon! Work has been frankly chaotic. But I saw an anti-reconciliation post¹ and I have been roused from my post-work stupor.

Unfortunately, you asked me for something I'm incompetent at, which is plotting. (Otherwise I would have already unleashed my ningcheng fic upon the world.) What I can talk about is what I find compelling about potential reconciliation and potential scenarios.

Why do I love a post-canon reconciliation?

Apart from really liking their relationship and finding it compelling—IMO it's the heart of the narrative of the first life—what I actually enjoy about it is what it offers in terms of development for Wei Wuxian.

I read Wei Wuxian as having displaced and projected a lot of his unresolved trauma onto Jiang Cheng. I've talked a little before about my reading of Jiang Cheng as the "bad feelings" sin eater of the Yunmeng Trio—neither Jiang Yanli nor Wei Wuxian feel like they can express deep unhappiness, but Jiang Cheng is bad at hiding his, so in some way it's his job to embody the collective unhappiness of the children of that family system.

But although this makes Wei Wuxian merry and likeable, it's not actually good for anyone, or even sustainable—when he loses control, he really loses control. And his coping skills are extremely self-destructive, as we can see from the post-war downward spiral of drinking and avoidance. I also think his experiences in his childhood (losing his parents and being homeless) plus his wartime experiences gave him some kind of trauma disorder that contributes to his terrible memory, which he's turned into his primary coping mechanism (apart from alcohol). If I Simply Close My Eyes And Run Away, My Bad Feelings Can't Get Me!

But, like, repressing your feelings doesn't work forever. He's compartmentalized his whole first life to function in the second one, but that means giving up on everything and everyone he loved, including the Jiang siblings and Lotus Pier. That's incredibly tragic to me.

Sometimes I think antis are so happy to demonize Jiang Cheng in order to minimize the depth of the loss Wei Wuxian has suffered. If he never loved Jiang Cheng, if they were never close and devoted to one another, if their childhood was an unending misery, then wouldn't Wei Wuxian be much freer in the present?

But what I think has happened is that the loss is so huge that it's completely terrifying and threatening. So are the feelings around killing Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli's death, and the death of Wen Qing and the Wen remnants. It's too much, so he blocks it out or, in some cases, projects it onto Jiang Cheng.

Of course, Jiang Cheng will never forgive him, because he irreparably ruined Jiang Yanli's life and then she died trying to save him and Jin Ling became an orphan. It's all his fault; it can't be forgiven; he might as well give up on it...

Jiang Cheng is obviously very angry and upset with him, it's true. But you can see how projecting his guilt and shame over his actions onto Jiang Cheng and then running away from Jiang Cheng is also a way for him to escape his guilt and shame over what happened to Jiang Yanli. (And to escape all the repressed resentment he has for Jiang Cheng because of the core transfer.²)

But there are two tragic elements of this approach. One, that by doing this he yields up any possible relationship with Jiang Cheng, and with the Jiang Sect, because by all means Wei Wuxian must escape him in order to outrun his terrible feelings. Two, that it's another coping mechanism that distorts the reality of the situation, which is that they were all swept up in power games beyond their capacity to manage, and they did their best—the Jiang siblings, the Wen siblings, Jin Zixuan, and Wei Wuxian—and it still went badly for everyone except the Jin Sect.

I don't think he can confront that yet. But I do think that Wei Wuxian feels very safe with Lan Wangji, and sometimes a safe and supportive relationship can provide the resources to do things you didn't think you could do before.

Can you imagine a different conversation, that begins with the bald acknowledgement of failure and wrongdoing³? "I never meant for all of that to happen. I did what I thought was right, but I never thought Jiang Yanli would be harmed, and I didn't intend to kill Jin Zixuan. I am so sorry. I miss her."

GIVE THE CATHARSIS TO ME. GIVE IT HERE.

A Wei Wuxian who has reached a point where he's capable of that accountability and vulnerability is delicious to me. A Wei Wuxian who can get there can return to Lotus Pier and rebuild a relationship with the living sect and his living sect brother.

How could it happen?

The trick is how to get there, 'cause it's like trying to herd cats where one cat is mortally afraid of facing the second and the other one has betrayal trauma and abandonment issues. But the cats love each other! They do!

I don't see Jiang Cheng initiating. I see him as being more open to a reconciliation, now that he knows why Wei Wuxian did what he did, but I see him as being profoundly afraid of trapping people in relationship with him or inflicting himself on people who don't want him around. (Not, like, for politics. In that arena I assume he's unpleasant when necessary to great effect.)

Fortunately, Wei Wuxian can be led if you're cunning enough to do it and you bait the trap with something good (see the plot of MDZS for Nie Huaisang's very successful demonstration of this principle). He also will increase pursuit if you dangle and withdraw the bait.

The question, of course, is what makes good bait for catching Wei Wuxian. Some options:

Option 1: murder mystery. Someone dies in an exciting way that involves Jiang Cheng. (Wei Wuxian will involve himself, dude loves a murder mystery.) It could be in the Jiang Sect or the Jin Sect; if it involves Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng will jump in with a swiftness.

Option 2: Jiang Cheng marriage rumours. Doesn't even have to involve unsavoury rumous about the potential wife; Jiang Cheng getting married without him (like Jiang Yanli) would dredge up some feelings, I think.

Option 3: Jiang Cheng tragic illness or curse rumours. You better be sure it was in a past life, cause it looks like this one might be over soon!

Option 4: Forced together time (due to a night hunt or a kidnapping, etc.). It's time for the getting along shirt!

To borrow from SVSSS, you might need a scenario-pusher for it to happen. But the world of MDZS is rife with these opportunities, and cultivators can live a very long time. So there's hope yet!

Footnotes:

1. This is a perfectly reasonable viewpoint to come to by the end of the novel. It's simply one I don't share.

2. See this passage from the confrontation in the Guanyin Temple:

"It wasn’t something he liked to reminisce about. He didn’t want to be reminded again and again of what it felt like when his core was cut out or what price he had to pay. If this were exposed in the past, he’d most likely laugh and comfort Jiang Cheng … But now, he indeed didn’t have the strength left to put up such a confident, nonchalant pretense.

From the bottom of his heart, he knew he wasn’t so indifferent about it after all.

Was it really that easy to move on from such a thing?

Of course not." (Chapter 103, "Hatred," ExR translation)

3. I saw a different post complaining about Wei Wuxian apologizing to Jiang Cheng in reconciliation scenarios, and I just, like, he kicked off a political firestorm that ended in the death of Jiang Yanli and her husband. This is completely separate from the non-consensual surgery and all the lying he was doing about that. He owes him multiple different apologies! And Jiang Cheng should also apologize to him! That's why they apologize to each other in the Temple, because they know they hurt each other! The point of an apology in an intimate relationship is to connect with the person you are apologizing to in order to repair the relationship, and the Temple was not the time, which is why they need a private do-over! It's not humiliation, it's intimacy, connection, and repair. How do y'all live your lives.

3.5 Also, imagine it to be more in-character than that.

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy I started drafting this when it was Friday everyone! Can you believe there's just three weeks left to go before we're back with BEENADO?! Here's another round of the fic I've been reading this last fortnight to tide you over in the meantime. You can find previous rec lists here.

7 September 2024

Baking is a Science but I Studied the Arts by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels the reason why I'm late posting this week is that I opened up AO3 to start gathering links, realised this was completed, dropped everything and read it start to finish. Sugar Daddy Tommy is ready and willing to pamper Eddie with trips to Vegas, and Eddie is in need of a distraction from all his pining over his best friend. Buck's feeling a little envious of Eddie and Tommy's new friendship, but with an open line of communication Tommy's happy to introduce him to his bisexual awakening, and unlock a new level of kink along the way. But of course, there's crossed wires, and neither Buck or Eddie actually know who the other's mysterious new casual boyfriend is. Deliciously indulgent, sexy, and feel good polyamory with 9-1-1 what is your emergency levels of misunderstandings and self discovery along the way. Lincoln's buddietommy threeway fics just always hit the spot.

Summer's End by @dunnonorlly back on my Eddie's summer of introspection without Chris bullshit, with a wonderful self recommendation that I'm so glad was brought to my attention. I love fics which really showcase all the ways this ensemble love each other and there's such a gorgeous wealth of extended firefam offering support here, including a particularly impactful Eddie and Bobby dynamic, with his advice and experience shared, and deep understanding from Maddie. Talking things through with those he trusts, and some beautifully written gentle steps towards finding peace and embracing love with Buck at his side and his family reunited.

Counting Pulses by tinyydancerr also recommended to me by dunnonorlly, this is an alternate take on season 7 written early on in the series, in which crucially Eddie has OCD, based on the author's own experiences and carefully woven into all the idiosyncricies that make up Eddie Diaz. It's a beautiful and painful character exploration that allows Eddie to examine his own past and present with fresh eyes, in the hopes of moving to a future without tripping up on all that's held him back. I particularly loved the backstory elements, and how his mental health and Catholic guilt create a maelstrom he's painstakingly riding through life. Such a moving fic. The same author also has a GORGEOUS anniversary Henren fic Up, and Down, and Around which sees Karen through Hen's eyes, with a rollercoaster of emotions.

about the present by @runawaymarbles if there's one thing you need to know about me it's that I LOVE me a timeloop narrative, and wow does this two parter The Scroll of Saint Barnabas and Theoretical Corpses, Laughing deliver. "The day of the shooting, Eddie got stuck in a time loop. But that was three months ago. He's completely fine now." In which Eddie absolutely has PTSD, but when you're caught in a timeloop where you see all of your loved ones picked off by a sniper, and every attempt you make to stop it just ripple effects someone else to be harmed, what do you even do? Plus along the way there are confessions they won't remember, secrets that are impossible to keep locked up forever, firsts that they'll be forced to forget, and overwhelming survivors guilt. An absolute masterclass in consequences, understanding, and healing together through the hurt.

Being Eddie by @cal-daisies-and-briars sticking with the timey-wimey theme, I also read this Being Erica inspired fic, in which a mysterious therapist grants Eddie the opportunity to go back in time to fix a list of his regrets, confronting repressed memories, and gaining an understanding of himself and the people in his life he feels like he's wronged along the way. Of course the butterfly effect is in full force, and sometimes changing the past means losing a future and a love you're growing to cherish.

like a river that doesn't know where it's flowing (i found where i'm going) by @queerdiazs VIVE LE MOUSTACHE! 'After coming out as gay, finally, Eddie has a well-deserved hot girl summer witnessed by his closest friends and family. Everyone is supportive and encouraging, except for Buck. What could that possibly mean?' Truly full throttle embracing the concept of latter in life coming out second pubity and slut era Eddie, this is so much fun, so delicious, and Buck is full on out not having a good time. Eddie can't help that the moustache makes him so irresistible! (I also had a great time with their fic no one else on earth because I love me some Eddie vs Josh).

Stay Until the Morning by @semperama oh my god, once again smacked in the face by my demiromantic Eddie and resulting emotional trauma feels. This is established (almost) buddie, written for the @summerofbuddie "breaking cliches" week. The author says it best: "The cliche that's broken here is that friends-to-lovers is as simple as two people realizing they love each other and then it's happily ever after. In this instance, things are a little more complicated!" I really really deeply appreciate this examination of simply finding your person doesn't magically fix all the things that have reinforced your emotional barriers and mental walls, and Eddie has a lot to unpack around how he's approached sex and relationships as does Buck. Small but mighty, this packed a punch.

suddenly the only thing i saw was you by @diazisms finally ending on a wonderful sapphic rarepair wildcard, this is a 5+1 fic featuring May Grant and Adriana Diaz! Bless you mysterious Diaz sisters for being such a rich fictional ground to play with - In this, Adriana is dropped off in LA for college, feeling out of place having taken a year to work. She bumps into May Grant, a beautiful stranger in a coffee shop. As they grow closer, they soon discover they have more in common than they thought. I loved this so much.

Okay that got long, but as usual insert call out for more henren fic here. Feel free to self rec! And please share and reblog :) See you next week, probably with HOTSHOTS recs bahaha!

BEES!

[alaynestone]

not to be overly applying real life concepts to a silly cw show lol but there's also something very perfect-victimy about the way people dismiss dean's victimhood vs sam's. like because dean's sarcastic or represses a lot of emotion or something people dismiss the things he went through. like obviously HE wants to forget about it and pretend it didn't happen, that's the point! but why are so many people dumb enough to hop right on board with that and literally erase/ignore things that happened to dean in the show (oftentimes in favor of pretending they happened to sam instead lol)... idk it's just a very weird thing that makes me feel protective of dean's character and what he represents in a way i don't usually with fictional characters. i love sam too but some of the samgirls or whatever take on a very cutting and aggressive tone that's slightly upsetting sometimes ngl. it just feels weirdly personal, not even at dean as much as like. anyone who dares to relate to dean as a character

i happen to think this "silly cw show" is actually far better at depicting complex trauma than people give it credit for.

but yeah, you are spot on here. it's absolutely about creating a perfect victim in sam and hyperfocusing on that while throwing nuance and context out the window entirely. even going all the way back to their childhood where dean is held fully responsible for the ways he responded to john's abuse by adapting rather than rebelling. dean is either considered responsible for his own situation or not a victim at all. he "liked" it, he perpetuated the "cycle", he was a lost cause, he was inferior to sam (and people loooove being classist about this, they think they're comedians) etc. which of course is NOT AT ALL the narrative presented to us by the show and erases the fascinating ways the brothers' arcs were paralleled throughout the seasons. for example, in season 2 you have dean only starting to confront the million ways john messed him up when he's not around anymore, just as sam is confronting his own destiny. the show explicitly links these two things yet dean is somehow generally viewed as the brother who's in charge of his own life. dean, who was controlled by his father until he was 27 and already in 1x11 admitting to sam that he admired him for making his own choices. i can't stress enough how "the one and only victim sam who completely lacks autonomy" is a fandom invention. and for what?

what you said about feeling protective of dean i think has always been part of his appeal. sam always had dean looking out for him, dean had no one. sam, even at his lowest, fundamentally valued himself and his own personhood, dean could never afford to because the survival of his family was up to him. he never coddled himself or let himself off the hook for a single perceived failure and i'm supposed to pile on? nah. his anger is so explosive in later seasons because he was never free to express his own feelings growing up and go through the regular stages teenagers and young adults do. i think there's a big effort to erase these nuances because if the actual story is taken into account, then it's impossible to forget how much dean went through so sam wouldn't have to. that sadly also ignores the impact it had on their relationship with dean's buried resentment towards sam, as well as sam's guilt for not always being there for dean in return. nearly every terrible traumatic thing sam experienced over the duration of the show is something dean had experienced already. at my most cynical, i think the purpose of reframing dean as this all powerful oppressor is because sam can only win the trauma olympics if dean is no longer vulnerable at all, no longer dean. and yes the trauma olympics approach is pointless, but if they're gonna insist on going there first, i'm not gonna hold back.

i mentioned sam's flinching and how it's valued as a trauma response compared to dean's anger but the thing is...before the cage, sam used to rage at dean and the entire world. his own anger nearly ate him up which he acknowledges multiple times. yet again, back when dean was fresh out of hell and sometimes genuinely freaked out by sam, including when he flinched at sam using his powers, it's still perceived as dean being cruel and abusive to sam. if sam feels bad about the moral implications and consequences of his actions it's because dean won't instantly get over it and support him. if dean doesn't trust him, it must be dean's fault alone. sam is the only one whose pov is taken into consideration and the only one whose feelings can be hurt. so it is a perfect victim thing but also about how only one of them gets to lash out and be vindictive and messy and remain sympathetic and good. essentially, sam gets to be a person but dean can only ever be sam's own personal giving tree.

it's classic fandom woobification with the childish "my fave can do no wrong" rhetoric, but since it's 2024 it's now hidden behind words like autonomy/cycles/abuse and passed around as objective analysis.

[sleeplesssmoll]

Shadow Work and Dream Analysis

I'm not sure if Reverse 1999 directly references Carl Jung, but his theories on dream analysis and shadow work would fit right into the lore. Jungian analysis is, like psychoanalysis, a method to access, experience and integrate unconscious material into awareness. This post touches on some of the things I find interesting in regards to Reverse 1999. I'll also include links to sources! Note, this is a simplified version of a broad topic. Please feel free to add-on or let me know if I got something wrong.

Psychologist Carl Jung believed that dreams represent internal conflicts and can guide us toward healing. He developed the concept of "active imagination," where individuals interact with dream figures to uncover hidden emotions and insights. The article encourages readers to engage with their dreams consciously, using imagination as a tool for personal transformation (link to article).

Doesn't this remind you of Artificial Somnambulism and Pneuma Analysis?

Moving on, Shadow work is a type of psychotherapy based on Carl Jung's concept of the "shadow self." The shadow self represents the parts of the psyche that people typically keep hidden, such as trauma, resentment, and undesirable traits. Jung saw the shadow self as a counterpart to the persona, the public-facing side of our personality. He believed that while the shadow might include negative impulses like anger, it also holds potential for positive qualities like creativity.

This bit I find especially interesting in relation to Vertin's stoicism she displays, vs the emotional turmoil and impulses she feels inside. We the players are privy to this part of her because we see see her conversations with the voices in her head. Sonetto would also be a great character to study under this lens...

The goal of shadow work is to integrate the shadow and persona, helping individuals manage repressed emotions and gain a deeper understanding of themselves. Jung also linked the shadow to the collective unconscious, suggesting that societal issues like racism are part of this hidden self. Practicing shadow work (although a difficult and definitely not pain-free process) can help people confront personal and societal challenges, leading to greater self-acceptance and understanding.

Techniques for shadow work include:

Dream analysis:  A person can log their dreams and look for repeating themes or symbols to see whether they notice aspects of their mind that they usually ignore.

Journaling: Journaling can help a person explore their unconscious thoughts and desires by looking for patterns and themes. A person may follow prompts, tell stories, talk about their day, or engage in free association.

Psychoanalysis: In psychoanalytic psychotherapy, an analyst helps a person interpret dream archetypes, symbols in their unconscious mind, and the true motives behind their actions.

Sand tray therapy: Sand tray therapy uses sand, water, and a variety of miniatures to create stories that represent a person’s inner world. It may help the person become aware of unknown past or current challenges in life. This may be a stretch (a looong stretch), but Vertin's Wilderness could be a form of sand tray therapy. She has islands, streams, and lots of miniatures to play with and that idea makes me happy, even if it's not what the devs meant to do🫡

link to shadow work article

link to sand tray article because it's cool and worth taking a look at

[smallandalmosthonest]

considering that they said they dont wanna make a guy queer and then have him crush on his best friend immediately (cause cliches or whatever) i think eddie is going to be the one to take The Step which makes buddie canon. do you have any ideas or wishes as to what he could do or what could happen?

i mean if i’m being perfectly honest i think being in love with your bestie is a quintessential bisexual rite of passage and the whole ‘cliche’ thing always seemed a silly argument to me.

my wish would be that eddie’s “this doesn’t change a thing between us” come back to haunt him. i’m a playwright/new play dramaturg for my day job and that line feels like such a loaded gun — if this were a script i was developing i would IMMEDIATELY flag that line. he could have said anything else to the same effect (“you’re always gonna be my best friend,” “i’m proud of you,” “i love you no matter what,” whatever) but that line plants a seed for the audience; THAT LINE is what introduces us to the IDEA that anything between them COULD change. because before eddie said it, I Highly Doubt anyone watching the show was like “ohhhhh he’s gonna have a problem with buck dating dudes.” other than his bitch4bitch bickering with josh while at dispatch, we’ve never been given any indication that eddie could or would have any ~discomfort around queer men; that line might feel necessary if eddie were a different character, if the show had fewer queer characters, or if it wasn't LA in 202?, but it went off like a siren when i first watched the scene.

they’ve also just set up a beautiful context for eddie to have a queer realization arc:

eddie diaz was basically a teen dad; shannon was "the first woman he slept with"/dated, and he's been Shannon's Husband/Christopher's Father/Shannon's Widow ever since. but NOW christopher is temporarily out of the picture, and eddie has to confront what his life looks like when he's not being a father first and a man second. unless the writers really fumble this plot point going into s8, eddie is all tee'd up for some major self-reflection revelations/forced exploration of the self

we've established the boy has catholic guilt out the wazoo. he acknowledged a "reservoir" of this guilt that lies dormant; he basically admitted to being Deeply Repressed About Shit onscreen while talking about how he couldn't get it up for his gf

beyond "my gf was a nun and now i can't fuck her and this has nothing to do with her moving in with me whatsoever" we also have "someone assumed my gf was my wife/my son's mother and i had a panic attack so severe i ended up in the hospital"

i'm not even gonna talk about the kim thing

plus, buck is bi!!!!!

buck "checking out a hot guy's ass is normal ally behaviour" buckley is one of the most important people in eddie's life. i think it would make perfect sense for eddie to see buck's coming out journey, to see a masc dude have a queer realization in his thirties, and have some feelings about that.

"so, you always knew?" "no, man, not at all. it's more like NOW that i know, everything else makes sense." <- you know what i mean???? scenes i would write if i were in the writer's room tim if you can hear me

PLUS, eddie is friends with tommy! they canonically instantly became super close! so not only could we see eddie's queer awakening through scenes with buck, we could ALSO see them through scenes with tommy! we've seen it in the fanfics, my siblings in christ: eddie goes from loving tommy and hanging out with him always to suddenly being Weird about it.

at the end of the day this is an ensemble show and i think i would want to see eddie having big conversations with either bobby or hen about it and i do solidly vote for the whole third-party thing (i can totally see chimney can't-keep-a-secret han losing his patience and basically telling eddie "you're in love with buck" like the gif)

this ask got away from me. i want it to be mutual. i want to burn for a whole season or more, where they're both slowly realizing they're in love with each other, until finally one of them grabs his keys to go to the other's place and just tell him but when he opens the door to leave the other one is standing right there, and they just say each other's names and it's awkward and stilted but they're both there to say i love you

[dropintomanga]

Vinland Saga's Grand Moment of Forgiveness

I knew fans of Makoto Yukimura's Vinland Saga were talking about this moment when it happened. And when I finally got to it, I was just overwhelmed.

I recently confronted some feelings about a situation that happened to me a long time ago. After a few conversations with friends about the ordeal, I realized that the person involved in that situation was toxic for my heart. They used me as way to ignore their own trauma. I think I repressed my anger out of genuine love when I should have respectfully expressed my frustrations with that person.

I'm fond of the Hild character, even though it doesn't seem like she has a lot of fans at times. I liked how she wanted to keep a close eye on Thorfinn, who was trying so hard to to define his life after the Farm arc, out of vengeance. Hild didn't believe that people could change for the better. I mean, who would think a person who's killed many people (including your father) can be redeemable? I myself have been disappointed in people over the years and have seen them change for the worst.

But like Hild has, I've gotten to understand why some people do bad things and ruin relationships. Then I stopped being so angry. I actually feel sorry for them. I started to forgive them quite a bit. Everyone's trying so hard to live and figure things out, even if the paths they take might be goddamn awful. It never helps when outside forces try to make us fight one another.

Although therapy helped, I think being out more with communities around me made me understand people better and forgive them as needed. Seeing Hild grow alongside Thorfinn's crew and coming to her own truth made me reflect on my experiences.

I cried so hard after hearing Hild said "I forgive you." I know people say "I love you" is a powerful statement, but "I forgive you" is even more powerful. I really think people want to do good, but either don't know how to, just gave up, or no one ever believes in them. We also are too damn stressed about making mistakes. There's so many times where we get too apologetic (myself included) as if we really hurt someone, but people who care will tell you not to be.

Also, forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting what happened to you. It's okay if you can't forgive someone for wronging you. Forgiveness is difficult. What matters is finding peace with yourself first and foremost. Once that happens, beautiful things can start to happen and you can make healthier connections that show how much people can change for the better.

Maybe it will make you forgive the world just a bit and help you move forward.

[kei-maki]

Thank you for doing a matchup trade with me <3 here's my matchup!

FANDOM: I would like a ADULT MALE MATCHUP for hazbin hotel, please. I don't wanna be matched with angel dust or husk (I have no problem but I don't see myself being romantic partners with them)

ABOUT ME: My name is Jaxrel! People call me "Jax" for short. also use other names like Himawari, Rin, etc, He/Him (They/Them is acceptable), I'm a Trans Man who's pansexual and I've been diagnosed with mental illness and disorders that I do not wish sharing ATM.

Personality(+ Notes): I'm a ENTP Ravenclaw, 5w4, Extroverted. I'm a very chill and intelligent person, I'm very polite and sweet! at first awkward, shy and distant when meeting people, extremely independent, when comfortable I talk about a lot of stuff for hours, loud talker, emotions come off as sarcastic or silly (due to autism), confident, straightforward (I have a urge to correct someone of faulty information), uses "big" words, good sense of humor, playful, entertaining, optimistic, mischievous, curious(l'm nosy and I love gossip), i can be a rule breaker(sometimes don't mean to), dad/ tharapist friend, when | go out | bring water bottles, first aid kit, chapsticks) just in case, chill but some people would say I have some "repressed anger issues, get a reallyyy overractive Brain, tend to get deep and philosophical when I'm left on my own for to long, I can be verbally aggressive when prevoked. If this helps more the characters I kin a lot are: Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice), Tei (Nameless), Cutthroat (Akudama Drive, Except the Bloodlust cutthroat has.), Ranpo Edogawa (Bungo Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungo Stray Dogs), Space Ishtar (Fate), Okita Souji (Fate), Langa Hasegawa (Sk8 The Infinity), Sherlock Holmes (TGAA), Zack (Final Fantasy 7), Vash The Stampede (Trigun), Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist), Otonashi Yuzuru (Angel Beats), Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom), Vanitas (Study Case of Vanitas), Zoe Hange (AOT), Shinoa Hiragi (Seraph of The End) + more

things I love about myself: when someone is going through anything or needs help with anything they will call me before anyone else, i have an ugly laugh so guaranteed if i laugh someone else will as well, how much i love animals if i see a stray around my house i will adopt it immediately, if i see a stranger crying in public my eyes will not leave them alone until i get the courage to walk up to them and ask whats wrong, i am very confrontational i will always stand up for whats right no matter how scary the situation may be, how greedy i am for money but when i love someone i will spend the world on them, how excited i get for little things like when someone buys me redbull, monster, cherry pepsi or chocolate pretzels/strawberries my day cant be ruined, how in touch i am with being grateful if someone helps me in anyway or does something in general to benefit me i will never forget it, dont take people for granted, ive been told anytime someone hangs out with me that being with me feels safe and peaceful, pay attention to the little things, how even though i dont care about plushies i have been given some and i make sure to kiss them all goodnight in case they are actually real and see what happens, if i know someone is having a hard mental health day i will clean for them/ get them icecream and be patient till they are ready to talk about it, without fail a quiet person will always be loud with me, i am the type of person who just wants people i love to be happy even if its not with me, i will always choose them i dont say i love you until i mean it i will celebrate the people i love, i am very observant if i see that someone wants something i will get it for them no matter what, i will make it my mission to compliment a stranger that looks like they are having a hard time so their day is a little better, how i say i love kids even though if they can be annoying i will protect them with my life and im so gentle with them, I am not ashamed of what i love like anime for example even though when I was teased for it when I was little i never once hid that i loved it even if i dont like a song that someone shows me i will be hyper while listening to it so they dont feel small and embarrassed around me, how soft i become when someone holds my hand, I love psychical affection a lot so it's not a problem for me, i love how hardworking i am, whether its how much i love actually working or just getting out of bed knowing how hard my mind is fighting i love how i have gotten up everyday despite how challenging it is to, i am an emotional person but i will always cry for a sad scene in a movie, if i love someone, they'll be seen.

MORE KINS: hiyori tomoe (enstars), yoosung kim (mystic messenger), jumin han (mystic messenger), hanako (tbhk), felix kranken (twf), albedo (genshin impact), shoya ishida (a silent voice), tom (eddsworld). eridan (homestuck), karkat (homestuck), shu itsuki (enstars), miyamura izumi (horimiya), micheal afton (FNAF), lolbit (FNAF), mangle (FNAF), natsume sakasaki (enstars), sora harukawa (enstars), urumi akamaki (alice in borderland), V (mystic messenger), hagumi kitazawa (bandori), matsubara kanon (bandori), shinji ikari (neon genesis evangelion), minami kotobuki (oshi no ko), lain iwakura (serial experiments lain), hajime hinata (danganronpa), k-angel (needy streamer overdose) and more LOL.

Looks: Half Polish and Vietnamese and Half Middle Eastern(Iraqi)/Filipino, I'm very skinny like just flat, I have hazel eyes and some slight flecks of amber and blue, I have upturned eyes but they seem like they are almond shaped but they aren't too noticeable, I think I have a heart shaped face but from different angles it looks more diamond shaped(?), I'm approximately 5'8, 1 have a dimple only on my chin, I have dyed black hair, I also have bangs too, my clothing style tends to stretch widely from comfy to... a lot like this! I wear gyaru (hime gal, himekaji, agejo, gyaruo, rokku, manba, banba, kogal, tsuyome, and kigurumi), goth (trad goth, romantic goth, mall goth, cyber goth, and victorian goth), scenemo/emo (ofc), & vkei ouji and lolita, I can also pull off a kpop idol look, i also wear a lot of cool dresses and suits, I also wear Y2K and I also dress in alternative clothing a LOT, I wear a lot of other harajuku styles such as, jirai kei, decora and more so on, I’ve also been told I look like choso (JJK) and dazai osamu (BSD).

hobbies: gaming, anthropology, pathology, theology, zoology, music, dancing, filmmaking, art (drawing, painting, pottery, digital art, etc), learning different instruments/languages, cosplaying, skateboarding, tabletop RPG's, taking pictures of things that I think are pretty, collecting figurines/stuffed animals and puppetry, science/history, soccer(football)/volleyball/ basketball and swimming, cooking/baking, art is definitely my main hobby I dedicate a lot of time to it, I can play 5 instruments which is the piano, cello, koto and bass/electric guitar, I know 6 languages (look in my bio hehe) and I'm learning more right now (which is hindi, vietnamese and taglong if your interested).

Likes: Chocolate, Strawberries, Iced Coffee and Boba Tea, Anime/ Manga, Music, Food, Winning in arguments online or irl, Reading, Cats, Sharks, Animals in general, Cold/or Rainy Weather, Shopping, Abstract or Romance movies, Kdrama(pretty much any asian dramas), Spicy or Sweet Food, Ramen.

Dislikes: Loud Noises, Slow Walkers, People who don't know when to close their mouths when chewing and hot weather.

Love Languages: all of them, LOL. (giving). gift giving, words of affirmation & physical touch (receiving).

Thank you so much! Have a good day!

IM SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONGGGGG

But based on the information you’ve given me, I match you up with…

🐤❤️Lucifer ❤️🐤

I KNOW YOU SAID YOU LIKED HIM BUT I HAD HIM IN MIND BEFORE YOU SAID THAT, LET ME EXPLAIN

- First of all, would go shopping with you if you ever asked if he wanted to, might be a bit skidding since it’s you know, OUTSIDE, but if it’s for you he’ll do it

- Doesn’t care what you’re wearing, he thinks you look amazing regardless and will heavily praise you

- PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE P L E A S E Spoon him, especially since you’re taller, he will literally melt in your arms, whisper sweet nothings into his ear before bed while you do and he’ll start crying from feeling so loved

- Honestly pick him up and he won’t even question it, he’ll just be like “oh ok”

- Will definitely show off his wings to compensate for the height though

- He has given you a duck of every kin you listed, and overall just for everything you like or represents something you like, all presents, he just came up to you blushing, like a penguin with a rock, one day and was like “here” and he hasn’t stopped since, and probably never will

- I feel like speaking of presents, that’s a good transition into love languages. This man will gladly accept all of them and definitely needs it. As everyone can tell he needs words of affirmation and physical touch he is touch starved, so like previously said, hold him and tell him he’s the best and he’ll melt. And gifts? If you’re from you they’re the best thing in the world, even if it’s something like a cracker with a flag on it he’ll call it cute and share it with you. Will spend all his time with you, being the shut in he is, and is beyond grateful for you helping around the palace, it helps take away the thought of some of his responsibilities so he can just rest and spend time with you

- As for YOU he will definitely return the favor, always telling you you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, that you’re his entire life, all while constantly cuddling you and peppering kisses all over your face, and giving you the most extravagant things He’ll has to offer, but if that’s too much for you? Don’t worry, how’s a chocolate scented cat shark plushie sound? Or how about that new manga volume you told him about that you wanted?

(Something like this visually for the plushie)

- I feel like he doesn’t like loud noises either (unless HES the loud noise, which might cause problems between you two), so he’s got noise canceling headphones at the ready to summon at a moment’s notice

- Movie/show date nights watching any anime, kdrama, or hopelessly romantic movie you want

- Will make your tea for you (and will spill it in regards to the hotel of course)

- Info dump to him and he will gladly listen, engraining every single detail to memory, asks questions and shows genuine interest as well

- With you both being mischievous and playful, and you having a contagious laugh, I can see many laughing fits over the silliest of things

- If you spoil him with gifts his heart will flutter, it’s usually the other way around

- Not at all afraid to show you off either, all the PDA in the world. Want to hold his hand? (I’ll take that hand now-) He has four now so he can do that AND hug you, no one has a doubt in their minds that you’re together, he will proclaim his love to you with a 99 power point slide on the News with no hesitation

- Will honest on his fathers name kill anyone who makes you feel like shit or like you have to hide your wonderful personality. That double Hell comment Angel made in the pilot? Yeah, that’s what’s gonna happen if ANYONE messes with you

And… I think that’s it? Lmk if you want more though! I’m not sure if this was long enough ;-; but I hope you enjoyed it! This was actually pretty fun to do!

[heretherebedork]

So, something I've been thinking about since watching Intern in my Heart for the BL side couple is that one of my favorite and very rare archetypes is the 'straight for society' archetype. Which lead me to think about the 'gay for you' archetype/trope because they're so similar but also completely opposite.

So!

Straight for Society is a specific archetype based on queer characters who, due to the heteronormative society they live in, do not even consider that they might be queer when they absolutely are. That part is important. This is someone who is queer but never thought of it or considered it because the world had told them that they aren't, simple as that. The most extreme version of this is Tonhon from Tonhon Chonlatee.

(Let me be very clear here, I love Tonhon Chonlatee. Love. Is it good? No. It is amazing? Yes. I adore Tonhon and I love Chonlatee and Neo was glorious in that how and I loved Chon's mom and just the entire friend group was basically perfect... anyway, yeah, just to be clear, love it.)

Tonhon never thought he might be queer because society and his family told him that it wasn't even a choice to be considered and so he never let himself consider it until he was confronted by his own desires in the most literal sense.

And that's what I'm feeling from Grey in Intern in my Heart. He feels like the kind of guy who was always masculine and always tough and so the idea that he was also queer just never occurred to him, especially as he's also obviously attracted to women making it easier to just never consider that as an idea.

But I feel like some people find it hard to distinguish it from gay for you. Which is a distinctly harmful and negative trope (or archetype, depending on how you use the terms and how specific we get with this) that I hate.

Gay for you is about someone who would describe themselves as straight basically saying that they are making an exception for this One Guy that he now love and that it has nothing whatsoever to do with repressing his queerness or being in denial of his identity. He does not identify as queer in any way and it's not society holding him back, this attraction and love is a singular event in his life... or implied to be, at least.

Now, there is at least one exception to this and that is My Only 12% in which he basically goes 'look, I love you and only you and if you need me to identify as gay to be comfortable I will but I wouldn't have otherwise' and that's because it is very clearly set up as him accepting his attraction and then going with it for his identity. There is full respect for the queer identity he's going with and an understanding that while this might be an exception, it's not an exception in terms of gender but rather in terms of ever loving someone like this.

Uh.

Anyway.

All this to say... I wish we had more genuine straight for society characters. I supposed we're kind of getting one in Fire on Cooking Crush but that entire romance is my absolute nightmare... his character is great and, truthfully, a good example of this but the way they're written his relationship with Dynamite sets my teeth on edge.

[mistype360]

hello!

im infj 5w4, however, I'm having a bit of trouble finding out my tritype (instinctual subtypes, as well).

can you please tell me how 541, 549 and 548 will differ for an infj? and possibly shed some insight on the subtypes too?

thank you nonetheless x

-t

INFJ 5w4 or 4w5 - how to determine your tritype

of course! i will make a separate, larger post later for subtypes of 5's and 4's since a lot of people struggle with it as well

before looking at the tritype descriptions, i recommend most people look at the gut triad and their reactions to anger

8's externalize their anger - impulsive, tendency to immediately respond towards situation, emotionally charged in the moment, focused on punitive measures, use anger as a force for change in protecting themselves or what they value

9's repress their anger - calm types on the outside, instead of anger they may experience sadness, avoid conflict, hate when people fight, can be somewhat passive rather than confrontational, retreat from any tense situations, hold underlying resentment towards people

1's internalize their anger - inclined to resent the world, seem calm and controlled on the outside but feel as if they are an emotional wreck on the inside, tries to almost control the situation, feels weighed down by the worlds "failures" and imperfections

541 - do you ever find yourself conflicted with rational judgements and your internal emotions? between your head and your heart? 1 + 4 makes you hard to please, conflicted between restriction, control and wanting to experience life to the fullest. this type is often pretty standards and moral focused. when you were evaluating yourself in the past, did you struggle between determining wether you were stronger in fi and fe? infj's are known for their "greater good" ideals. a 541's would revolve around fairness, justice, or order. they may feel even more stronger towards these ideas than any of the other 3.

548 - this tritype is double-reactive, and non-attachment. they are often emotionally intense and impulsive. not necessarily in an angry way, per say, but more towards protecting what they care about and feeling strongly. have you ever been mistyped as a thinking type? do you prefer not to work with others? 548's are also generally known as a "scholar" type, and can sometimes associated with thinking functions. maybe you are very thoughtful and opinionated, or have been mistyped as a thinking type in the past.

549 - having a 9 fix makes you more focused on your fe and se. if you find yourself being pretty balanced in your intuition and sensing, you are probably a 549. it's also a triple withdrawn type, meaning you would be a lot more distant, thoughtful, or philosophical. maybe you are also very self aware and self-conscious, however you struggle to express those emotions to others. you have lots of opinions and thoughts, however you do not share them as much with those close to or around you. infj's are known for their "greater good" ideals, albeit being a stereotype. this tritype usually has one towards harmony or peace. compared to the 2 other types, this tritype would not feel as strongly towards these ideas.

[lifmera]

Thank you for doing a matchup trade with me <3 here's my matchup!

FANDOM: I would like a ADULT MALE MATCHUP for hazbin hotel, genshin impact and black butler please! I don't wanna be matched with angel dust or husk I have no problem but I don't see myself being romantic partners with them)

ABOUT ME: My name is Jaxrel! People call me "Jax" for short. also use other names like Himawari, Rin, etc, He/Him (They/Them is acceptable), I'm a Trans Man who's pansexual and I've been diagnosed with mental illness and disorders that I do not wish sharing ATM.

Personality(+ Notes): I'm a ENTP Ravenclaw, 5w4, Extroverted. I'm a very chill and intelligent person, I'm very polite and sweet! at first awkward, shy and distant when meeting people, extremely independent, when comfortable I talk about a lot of stuff for hours, loud talker, emotions come off as sarcastic or silly (due to autism), confident, straightforward (I have a urge to correct someone of faulty information), uses "big" words, good sense of humor, playful, entertaining, optimistic, mischievous, curious(l'm nosy and I love gossip), i can be a rule breaker(sometimes don't mean to), dad/ tharapist friend, when | go out | bring water bottles, first aid kit, chapsticks) just in case, chill but some people would say I have some "repressed anger issues, get a reallyyy overractive Brain, tend to get deep and philosophical when I'm left on my own for to long, I can be verbally aggressive when prevoked. If this helps more the characters I kin a lot are: Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice), Tei (Nameless), Cutthroat (Akudama Drive, Except the Bloodlust cutthroat has.), Ranpo Edogawa (Bungo Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungo Stray Dogs), Space Ishtar (Fate), Okita Souji (Fate), Langa Hasegawa (Sk8 The Infinity), Sherlock Holmes (TGAA), Zack (Final Fantasy 7), Vash The Stampede (Trigun), Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist), Otonashi Yuzuru (Angel Beats), Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom), Vanitas (Study Case of Vanitas), Zoe Hange (AOT), Shinoa Hiragi (Seraph of The End) + more

things I love about myself: when someone is going through anything or needs help with anything they will call me before anyone else, i have an ugly laugh so guaranteed if i laugh someone else will as well, how much i love animals if i see a stray around my house i will adopt it immediately, if i see a stranger crying in public my eyes will not leave them alone until i get the courage to walk up to them and ask whats wrong, i am very confrontational i will always stand up for whats right no matter how scary the situation may be, how greedy i am for money but when i love someone i will spend the world on them, how excited i get for little things like when someone buys me redbull, monster, cherry pepsi or chocolate pretzels/strawberries my day cant be ruined, how in touch i am with being grateful if someone helps me in anyway or does something in general to benefit me i will never forget it, dont take people for granted, ive been told anytime someone hangs out with me that being with me feels safe and peaceful, pay attention to the little things, how even though i dont care about plushies i have been given some and i make sure to kiss them all goodnight in case they are actually real and see what happens, if i know someone is having a hard mental health day i will clean for them/ get them icecream and be patient till they are ready to talk about it, without fail a quiet person will always be loud with me, i am the type of person who just wants people i love to be happy even if its not with me, i will always choose them i dont say i love you until i mean it i will celebrate the people i love, i am very observant if i see that someone wants something i will get it for them no matter what, i will make it my mission to compliment a stranger that looks like they are having a hard time so their day is a little better, how i say i love kids btw i will protect them with my life and im so gentle with them, I am not ashamed of what i love like anime for example even though when I was teased for it when I was little i never once hid that i loved it even if i dont like a song that someone shows me i will be hyper while listening to it so they dont feel small and embarrassed around me, how soft i become when someone holds my hand, I love psychical affection a lot so it's not a problem for me, i love how hardworking i am, whether its how much i love actually working or just getting out of bed knowing how hard my mind is fighting i love how i have gotten up everyday despite how challenging it is to, i am an emotional person but i will always cry for a sad scene in a movie, if i love someone, they'll be seen.

MORE KINS: hiyori tomoe (enstars), yoosung kim (mystic messenger), jumin han (mystic messenger), hanako (tbhk), felix kranken (twf), albedo (genshin impact), shoya ishida (a silent voice), tom (eddsworld). eridan (homestuck), karkat (homestuck), shu itsuki (enstars), miyamura izumi (horimiya), micheal afton (FNAF), lolbit (FNAF), mangle (FNAF), natsume sakasaki (enstars), sora harukawa (enstars), urumi akamaki (alice in borderland), V (mystic messenger), hagumi kitazawa (bandori), matsubara kanon (bandori), shinji ikari (neon genesis evangelion), rei ayanami (neon genesis evangelion), minami kotobuki (oshi no ko), lain iwakura (serial experiments lain), hajime hinata (danganronpa), k-angel (needy streamer overdose) and more :)

Looks: Half Polish and Vietnamese and Half Middle Eastern(Iraqi)/Filipino, I'm very skinny like I look mostly flat, I have hazel eyes and some slight flecks of amber and blue, I have upturned eyes but they seem like they are almond shaped but they aren't too noticeable, I think I have a heart shaped face but from different angles it looks more diamond shaped(?), I'm approximately 5'8, I have a dimple only on my chin, I have dyed black hair, I also have bangs too, my clothing style tends to stretch widely from comfy to... a lot like this! I wear gyaru (hime gal, himekaji, agejo, gyaruo, rokku, manba, banba, kogal, tsuyome, and kigurumi), goth (trad goth, romantic goth, mall goth, cyber goth, and victorian goth), scenemo/emo (ofc), & vkei ouji and lolita, I can also pull off a kpop idol look, i also wear a lot of cool dresses and suits, I also wear Y2K and I also dress in alternative clothing a LOT, I wear a lot of other harajuku styles such as, jirai kei, decora and more so on.

hobbies: gaming, anthropology, pathology, theology, zoology, music, dancing, filmmaking, art (drawing, painting, pottery, digital art, etc), learning different instruments/languages, cosplaying, skateboarding, tabletop RPG's, taking pictures of things that I think are pretty, collecting figurines/stuffed animals and puppetry, science/history, soccer(football)/volleyball/ basketball and swimming, cooking/baking, art is definitely my main hobby I dedicate a lot of time to it, I can play 5 instruments which is the piano, cello, koto and bass/electric guitar, I know 6 languages and I'm learning more right now.

Likes: Chocolate, Strawberries, Iced Coffee and Boba Tea, Anime/ Manga, Music, Food, Winning in arguments online or irl, Reading, Cats, Sharks, Animals in general, Cold/or Rainy Weather, Shopping, Playing Tabletop RPG's, Abstract or Romance movies, Kdrama(pretty much any asian dramas), Spicy or Sweet Food, Ramen.

Dislikes: Loud Noises, Slow Walkers, People who don't know when to close their mouths when chewing and hot weather.

Love Languages: physical touch, acts of service & words of affirmation(pretty much everything LOL) (giving). gift giving, words of affirmation & physical touch (receiving)

Thank you so much! Have a good day!

HEY HUN!!! IM SO GLAD WE ARE DOING IT!!

Im so happy someone asked for black butler finally!!

I’ve decided to pair you with……. GRELLE, AJAX & LUCIFER!

She would LOVE that you are extroverted.

She finally has someone to talk to who isn’t boring !!

She also loves that you are independent! It’s what attracted her to you!

It also allows her to be able to do her job without having to worry too much for you- but DONT get me wrong. She LOVES to take care of you.

She loves to listen to you, all day every day. Talk about your day to her. My girl always has an ear out. Honestly she probably has a sixth sense when it comes to you.

She definitely is nosy asf. She wants to get in EVERYONES BUSINESS !! You guys could probably spend a week on gossiping about the same person.

She honestly also has her own problems- and DEFINITELY forgets shit to bring or do. She will rely on you 24/7. She needs someone to rant to sometimes- being a grim reaper is so harrrd!

She definitely does not mind the anger issues. Sebastian was mean enough- if anything she definitely would like it if you yelled at her!!

She probably would laugh a little bit if you started to get philosophical with her- but thats also because she literally will have no clue on whats happening. - she’d beg you to explain it to her too.

If you have an ugly laugh- she does too. You both would be CACKLING 24/7.

She loves that you care for other people- and animals too! It would warm her heart so much. Although she’d be jealous!! She wants most of your attention.

She’d buy you anything or do anything to see you happy. She loves whenever you get happy!! She’d totally buy you shit like chocolate covered pretzels and watch you eat them with a HUGE grin on her face.

Not gonna lie though. She HATES kids. But she’ll try for you 🩷

She genuinely loves that you take care of other people- and kiss your plushies?? Thats so CUTE- HER NEXT???!!

If you told her you loved her? You would hear it maybe like 1600x times a day. She’s def super clingy.

If you went out of your way to try and make her happy- she would literally want to take a BITE put of you. How came she resist?? You are just too sweet :)

She will always be there next to you in the mornings, when you have a tough time getting up. She’s been there on her hard days. She doesn’t want the same thing to happen to you.

With all those hobbies?? She’d definitely make you help her learn stuff. Piano? Teach her !!! Guitar? Oh my god ?!! LANGUAGES?? Speak to her and even if you called her a donkey she’d be all over you.

She’d love to hear about your special interests or more about your hobbies. Like ?? Teach me to skateboard?!!!

She’d cosplay with you. She’d love to do it!!

She LOVES your sense of style. Its so different compared to what she’d normally see? Like pick me? Choose me ? Love me?

Whenever you choose a new style- she’s always in the back supporting you. She loves to show off to other people too. Like- thats MY man.

She literally loves any love language. SHE IS INLOVE WITH HER S/O AND WOULD DO ANYTHINNGGG FOR THEM!!

She definitely would want to bake with you tho. She cant bake for shit, but she tries.

She also will definitely LOVE your art. She needs pictures and photographs constantly. She’d probably hang them on the fridge or put them in her pockets to look at whenever shes working.

Now to Tartie

My man….

Ajax was definitely drawn in at first by your sense of style. He would’ve been staring from across the street with a smirk on his face.

Until he see’s you again. He HAS to say something this time!

He definitely wants to listen to you talk !

You love kids?? God he already loves you? He has so many siblings! And honestly he probably wants a big ass family.

He started to become drawn in by your personality. He needs someone who can be independent while he’s constantly working with the fatui.

Let’s be honest. This man is a GOSSIP. He finna chat chat chat with you all day every day. He mever shuts up.

He loves to hear you laugh. It brings him so much joy Everytime.

Although he feels safe constantly- he knows he can trust his siblings around you,

He definitely would be more reserved when it comes to himself, he’d love that you are the dad friend.

He’s totally gonna forget shit to do- and he can’t always take care of his siblings!

He loves that you have a big heart. Not many people do anymore- it caused him to truly become attached.

He’s so happy that you aren’t ashamed to like what you like- neither is he! Be proud!!

He loves physical affection too- but unfortunately is never really around much for it. He’d always give you tons of kisses on the forehead in the morning before he leaves though.

He’d also try to make ip to you with a bitch ton of presents and gifts for you. Like “ I’m so sorry sweetheart- but i hope this puts a smile on your face :)”

But if he stays at home? He’s gonna want to rot in bed with you and cuddle!

Honestly. He’d probably also have a shit ton of plushies too. But he’d get jealous if you gave them all kisses and not him!!

He isn’t really emotional- but he’ll definitely try to comfort you! I think at first he’d suck- but he has so many siblings he knows what to do!!

Your hobbies?? Always keeps him doing something with you! Like talk to me in a different language?

He’d LOVE to challenge you to sports!! Although he’ll definitely become a tadd bitt too competitive . He just gets lost in it!

He definitely makes you do some pottery with him, and drinks or eats out of the stuff you guys make together.

Probably will fall off a skateboard 16 different times.

He LOVES watching movies with you. I think he’d genuinely enjoy K dramas. This man is DRAMATIC.

He would buy you so many things to make up for lost time together :((

Luci’s Turn!

I mean come on… how could I not.

He was drawn into everything about you. Your style- your heart??

He saw the way you treated Charlie and he was like “that’s mine now.”

He would LOVE to listen to you talk while he’s making some ducks!!

I think you’d both have some rotting in bed moments though!!

Let’s be honest. He needs someone to take care of him. He won’t do it by himself. He’s too scared to even call his daughter.

He will definitely confide in you about EVERYTHING. He has nobody else that he trusts. (Other than charlie but….)

He loves to hear about anything! Gossip to him.. even though hes an old man he’d be like “she did WHATTTT?? NO WAYYY”

I think Lucifer would be pretty hard to get mad at honestly.

He also loves to hear your philosophy stuff! He’s always asking what you think about, and why. He want’s to hear the thought process behind it.

He LOVES that you are also so sweet to Charlie. It makes his heart swell.

Honestly he’s huge on physical touch. If he could he’d always have you touching him in some way. Whether it be cuddling in bed with your 1000 plushies, or having you sit on his laps while he makes a duck that looks like you!!

He LOVES your style. It makes him feel like he has something new to look forward to everyday. He also likes to guess which you’ll wear!

Personally i think Lucifer probably knows every language known to man- but he’d want you to talk to him in a different language! He’d definitely flirt with you!

Play music for this old man please!! He’d love to hear you strum the guitar while he’s doing something!

Or art!! He’d make paintings with you- although he sucks. He’d hang up pictures or drawings that you took, and frame them.

He loves that you aren’t afraid to do what you want! Or speak what you want! It allows him to feel free.

He thinks puppetry is SO COOL. Like honestly- teach me NOW. He’d probably get the strings knotted though.

He’d love to listen about your love for animals- he’d probably buy you one too. As long as it makes you happy.

He’d do anything to see a smile on your face. Buy chocolates, red bull, more plushies, strawberries? He is already on it.

Also wants you to kiss him to sleep.

He doesn’t go anywhere ever- so he’ll always be for you during your low times. He’ll help you through everything.

He’s super clingy too. He’d want you to give him quality time!

He’d beg you to watch movies or shows with you. He’d also get ADDICTED to them. Probably starts SOBBING during K-Dramas.

~~

HI LOVE!! I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY FOR YOU!! I ENJOYED THIS SO MUCH ! 🩷🩷

[vodkacranberrywitch]

Harry Styles Mommy and Daddy Issues

Sorry for the break but the thought of doing a reading on him again made me procrastinate.

Harry's relationship with his mom: The chariot rx, 9 of wands rx, Queen of swords rx, the lovers. Why did I know the lovers was going to come out. The chariot upright is like forward moving energy in a relationship. This being rx is like the energy being halted or being reversed. This card is also about travel. Harry may not spend a lot of time with his mother or go out of his way to see or talk to her enough. He could be avoiding her, I will look into that later. With 9 of wands rx, he may feel like he has to watch what he says around her. There's an energy of him not feeling comfortable or confident in himself around her. Interesting. With Queen of swords rx, he might see her as someone who is very black and white. Someone who might say things without thinking that can hurt his feelings. Someone who can be critical and brutal at times. However, we did get the lovers. He feels very close to her and trusts her, even if he feels like he can't be completely honest (9 of wands rx). There may be an energy of codependency.

Why is Harry avoiding or being lazy in his relationship with his mom - Strength rx and Queen of Wands rx. She can be judgy and motherly. She is trying to tame him and push him into the next phase of his life and he isn't ready for that. She can be passive aggressive with him and critical.

So far I'm not getting anything that is too uncommon in a mother-child relationship lol.

What are some traits or behaviors Harry picked up from his mom in childhood - ace of swords rx, queen of cups, 4 of wands. Aww. Okay, let's start with the bad one, his mom taught him to communicate poorly. I'm getting that his mom taught him to communicate in a passive aggressive way as I am looking back to the Queen of wands. She may have even taught him to be critical of himself and others at times. Another behavior she taught him was how to adapt to change. She taught him how to be social and how to enjoy and value people and success. With Queen of Cups, she taught him how to be empathetic and how to make people feel good and cared about.

Harry's relationship with his dad: 10 of cups, the hierophant, and the star rx. He is really close to his dad. He feels cherished by him and enjoys him a lot. 10 of cups is like the family card, so his dad is definitely a stable, trusted force for him. With the hierophant, he feels like his dad is extremely wise. He may go to his dad for advice over his mother. He looks up to his dad and may strive to be like him or they may share similar traits as this card is like a passing down of traditions. With the star, I'm getting that he feels like his dad isn't using him for attention and perks. Harry may also fear his dad a little bit, but this is also related to respect. He sees him as a marvel of some kind.

What are some traits of behaviors Harry picked up from his dad in childhood - 8 of pentacles, 10 of swords, 9 of cups. His dad taught him how to be a hustler and ruthless. His dad taught him how to get what he wants at all costs but also how to enjoy his success. His dad also taught him how to be a hard worker. Maybe he saw his dad do these things growing up and he respected that. His dad at some point in his childhood abandoned him or betrayed him, however, Harry didn't see this coming. This taught Harry that relationships can end abruptly. This may give him some anxiety in relationships as he is scared of experiencing this again.

How does Harry's parents' divorce affect him today - the world, 5 of wands rx, the high priestess. First of all, his parents' divorce has caused him to struggle with trust in others. Along with this, it has caused him to repress his feelings in order to avoid confrontation. His parents' divorce taught him to always plan for the future. He may find stability and peace in having a backup plan or knowing that failure isn't the end. If something fails, there's always another chance or another opportunity. I wanna say this ties into his detachment issues.

In summary, his mommy and daddy issues are centered around a lack of trust in others, a lack of confrontation, repressing feelings, and detachment.

Hope you guys enjoyed this! Let me know if you have any questions.

Requests are closed. As always, these readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only.

[eriexplosion]

5 6 7 10 for Star Wars violence 👀

OKAY TIME FOR THE VIOLENCE (I don't know how actually violent these opinions are but pretend I am Very Vicious)

5. Worst blorboficiation?

sdfsdifj REGRETTABLY... OBI-WAN.... I love the man but fandom characterizations definitely show some Popular Guy Character Syndrome where it's all about how sad and tormented he is and while I respect that as a lover of tormented men, it is certainly an experience when you're like, reading a CodyWan fic and Cody is comforting Obi-Wan through his tragic past like he's never gone through anything difficult in his life. Also some of Obi-Wan's fun edges are sanded off, he's more generically sassy but considerate of others feelings and kind, etc, and like. He's not UNkind. But this is a man that faked his death and did not tell his emotionally unstable best friend like that was going to do anything but drive Anakin absolutely batshit insane. He watched like ten clones in a row die without a reaction and then the instant a Jedi died they all had to stop for a funeral. He tried to get Luke to kill Vader WITHOUT telling him who he was. He's kind of an idiot and can be kind of an asshole. Let him hurt people's feelings! Let him be socially inept! He is a dipshit not a harmless weep blob!

(This ties in with my desire to see CodyWan fic where they straight up get in a fight but is not ENTIRELY connected to that)

6. Opinion on canon and/or fanon use of the secret child trope? Discuss.

It works for Luke and Leia and I think it should have stayed at that. I'm not a big fan of the Palpatine reveal for Rey but I didn't want her to be a Skywalker either, sometimes you want a main that is Just Some Guy, doesn't need to be a secret child of anyone. In fanon I just REALLY do not like it, partially because it's plugging in a blood relation where it doesn't need to be. The other part is that I have mostly seen it for Obi-Wan and Satine with that Korkie kid and with how utterly repressed those two are at each other I refuse to believe they ever successfully fucked.

7. What is the weakest piece of canon writing?

It feels like cheating to say the sequel trilogy mostly because I never finished it so a thing that I definitely finished and loved but makes no sense - AOC is not the strongest movie but ROTS was like, fully just a series of cool scenes stitched together to approximate a movie. And don't get me wrong, I adore the prequels. But the only one that I think succeeds as a Movie is TPM. ANAKIN'S FALL ESPECIALLY IS NONSENSICAL AS SHIT. Like the underlying motivations are there but they were not pieced into anything resembling a coherent narrative. You have a start point, an end point, and everything in between just kind of jumps around with I think the weakest point being the Tusken Massacre - it's treated more like a sign of Anakin's potential darkness than anything when like. That's a whole village. He killed a whole village and it never comes up again! Lucas apparently didn't consider it that big a deal!

It's to a point where I actually think the massacre can't be addressed from a fully in universe perspective, because there's no actual way to twist it around so that it makes sense for that not to be enough to Make Anakin Fall without breaking the already very loose rules of the universe. Most other Star Wars points I can figure out some kind of justification for how it works in world, but to explain how Anakin wouldn't fall here you just have to kind of confront that Lucas is both not a very good writer and also approached the Tuskens with an incredibly racist viewpoint given that he doesn't appear to see their deaths as fully Counting, unlike the Jedi younglings in ROTS. It's a plot choice that, if treated with the full weight it would narratively deserve, completely unravels the entire rest of the series, the only way to make the storyline of everything else WORK is to take it out or change it so much as to be an entirely different scenario, and I can't think of any other things that fuck it up THAT bad.

10. What’s a ship you've unwillingly come around to?

I think 'unwillingly' is overstating it (but then I rarely DISLIKE a ship, so there's usually not much Unwillingly about it) but I thought Tech/Phee was cute at most until everyone started being Like That about them. Now I want them to kiss and get married onscreen. I hope that she hits that every night. Phee deserves whatever she wants.

Also Anakin/Padme probably counts because I did not actually go into the clone wars watch WANTING to love Anakin but Whoops. WHOOPS. So that meant I got An Affection for the two of them in all their messy stupid as shit glory.

[xomaleyaxo]

R2 → SOLO ALBUM

Name: Catharsis

Meaning: The process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.

Released: March 20th, 2024 (Also known as International day of Happiness)

Message for Fans:

"To my beloved fans, who have stood by me through every twist and turn, I dedicate this album to you. My hope is that, together, we can release the grip of past hurts and shed the weight of our shared experiences. May this catharsis be the beginning of a more beautiful chapter in all our lives. Thank you for being my constant companions on this incredible journey."

Track list + Meaning's behind songs:

*I have changed some of the lyrics to fit my OC and her story*

1- R.I.P 2 My Youth

"R.I.P. to my youth, And you could call this the funeral, I'm just telling the truth, yeah You can play this at my funeral, Tell my sister don't cry and don't be sad, I'm in paradise with dad, Close my eyes and then cross my arms, Put me in the dirt, let me dream with the stars"

This song was written in 2018 when Mirae was experiencing a challenging period, dealing with criticism from various corners of the internet and sensing that she had matured too quickly. The lyrics explored themes of growing up, confronting challenges, and reflecting on the inevitable changes that accompany the passage of time. In an interview discussing the song, she expressed how it served as the best outlet for her to escape those emotions, allowing her to pour her feelings into the music.

2- Making The Bed

"And I tell someone I love them just as a distraction, They tell me that they love me like I'm some tourist attraction, They're changin' my machinery and I just let it happen, I got the things I wanted, it's just not what I imagined"

This song was written in 2019 during a period of heightened success for Blackpink, where they were becoming more recognized and well-known. Mirae, amidst reaching new career heights, found herself feeling trapped. Despite achieving professional success, her personal life was at its lowest point. Amid all the attention, she experienced a profound sense of loneliness, realizing that despite being surrounded by people, no one truly understood her.

3- Idontwannabeyouanymore

"If "I love you" was a promise Would you break it, if you're honest? Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before I-I don't wanna be you, I don't wanna be you I don't wanna be you, anymore"

Originally written in 2015 when she was giving her all to pursue her dream and finally debut, but the challenges of being away from home for extended periods and enduring countless long days were taking a toll on her. Sick and tired of embodying this version of herself, she wrote these lyrics in her journal. She rediscovered them in 2017 and completed the song that day, feeling immensely proud as her emotions were raw and deeply emotional.

4- The Last Time ft. TAEYANG

"This is the last time I'm asking you this, Put my name at the top of your list, This is the last time I'm asking you why, You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye"

In 2021, she composed this song upon hearing about her sister's relationship struggles and the immense effort she was putting into making it work with her boyfriend. Initially, she shared the song with her sister but decided against releasing it as it felt like it was missing something. Then, when Youngbae approached her for a collaboration, she brought up this song, and he loved it. They ended up recording for it that night after rewriting some parts and she couldn't be more proud of the outcome.

5- The Other Side

"We are buried in broken dreams, We are knee-deep without a plea, I don't want to know what it's like to live without you, Don't want to know the other side of a world without you"

Written in 2019 after Hanbin ended their relationship due to his scandal, she poured her heartbreak onto the pages of her journal as a way of releasing her emotions. Hanbin, her first love and long-time friend, had become an integral part of her life, and the prospect of living without him left her feeling lost and hurt. Despite her desire to stand by him and offer support during his challenging times, he had cut her off completely, leaving her scared about facing life without him. Initially hesitant due to the rawness of the emotions, she ultimately decided to include the song in the album as a way of sharing her genuine self with her fans.

6- The one

"But we were something, don't you think so? Early 20s, tossing pennies in the pool, And if my wishes came true, It would've been you, In my defense, I have none, For never leaving well enough alone, But it would've been fun, If you would've been the one"

Written in 2021 after she had finally felt fully moved on from Hanbin and looked back on the relationship in a more positive light. Despite their bad ending, she was grateful to have experienced a good first love and was thankful for all he taught her. Despite moving on from the relationship, she still did feel that if it had all worked out and the scandal hadn't happen, they still would have probably been together and he would have been the one.

7- Just Like Magic

"Good karma, my aesthetic (my aesthetic) Keep my conscience clear, that's why I'm so magnetic Manifest it (ooh), I finessed it (ooh) Take my pen and write some letters to heaven"

Written in 2020 during a moment of reflection, she wrote this song to focus on finding the good in each day. The lyrics delve into the concept of manifestation, expressing her desire to prioritize self-focus. Rather than dwelling on negativity, she wishes to spread love and light to other around her. The line "Writing letters to heaven" was included by her as a remembrance of her father. It symbolizes her belief that he is always by her side, ready to assist in making her manifestations come true.

8- Dancing With Our Hands Tied

"I, I loved you in secret, First sight, yeah, we love without reason, Oh, twenty-five years old, Oh, how were you to know, and My, my love had been frozen, Deep blue, but you painted me golden"

" I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche?"

In 2023, Mirae wrote this song to commemorate her and Mingyu's first anniversary, a time when everything seemed to be going splendidly. Despite the immense happiness she felt, a lingering fear persisted—one day, the media might uncover their relationship, and thrust them into the challenging reality of managing a high-profile relationship in an unforgiving industry. The options would be stark: either confront and navigate the consequences or retreat into a secret relationship. Given her profound love for Mingyu, Mirae was unwilling to jeopardize their bond. The metaphor of dancing with their hands tied in the song conveys the profound sense of helplessness, an inability to alter their circumstances despite the intensity of their love. In the face of an apparent doom, the couple endeavors to make the most of their time together, cherishing every moment as they navigate the complexities of their high-profile relationship. When she played it for him the first time, Mingyu fell in love with the song and despite its deep meaning, it became his favorite as he too felt those same emotions from time to time but he knew that he would go through every obstacle just to be with her.

9- Daylight

"I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, And I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you, I've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night, And now I see daylight, I only see daylight"

In 2023, after returning home from a vacation with Mingyu, Mirae penned this song as a heartfelt tribute to him. The lyrics convey the profound impact he has had on her life, transforming her days into brighter and happier experiences. In contrast to past relationships that left her feeling unsuccessful and unlucky, meeting Mingyu brought a golden hue to her existence. The song reflects her desire to focus solely on him and their shared happiness, leaving behind the shadows of the past.

10- Only

"My only one, when I see you I want to lean on you, I want to have you A love like this would make, Even the most immature dream come true Now I believe, Every step we take, It's like a dance we perform together, My, oh my, oh my, oh, my love, Be my only love"

In late 2023, following Mingyu's heartwarming meeting with Mirae's mother and siblings, she found herself overwhelmed with emotions, convinced that Kim Mingyu was her forever love. Witnessing the beautiful bond between him and her family inspired her to express her deep feelings through a song, a musical testament to their connection. Driven by the desire to be his and his alone, Mirae initially intended to keep the song as a birthday surprise for Mingyu. However, the anticipation and excitement got the best of her, and during the festive Christmas season, Mirae decided to reveal the song to Mingyu. His genuine and joyful reaction convinced her that this song held a special place in their story. Impressed by the overwhelming positive response from Mingyu, she made the bold decision to include the song in her upcoming album and even selected it as the title track. Fans eagerly awaited the album's release after getting a glimpse of the heartfelt and personal track, eager to experience the full emotional journey that Mirae had poured into her music.

A/N- Will be posting a part 2 for the Only Mv and Visuals!!

[sugarsnappeases]

hi!! i see your thoughts on bartylily and i am eating them uppp. but i ask any thoughts on regubartylily? do we think they could work out?

hi hi darling!!!

i'm intrigued by this bc ofc i love bartylily, and i love bartylus and i'm occasionally partial to a bit of regulily as well but i don't think i've ever actually thought of them as a trio before….. am pondering it now tho and i feel like i could kinda get behind it??

bc in my mind regulus is the poshest, most pretentious person to ever walk the earth, he’s whipping out the most absurdly formal vocabulary at all times so it sounds like he’s gone and looked up synonyms in a thesaurus w every single word, he’s literally wearing a custom silk suit to bed and rising in the morning like a vampire from a coffin and there’s not a single crease in the fabric, and then he’s being confronted w barty and lily who’re just. they’re just sooooo

i think regulus, my fave repressed loser weirdo, would be just slightly fucking terrified by the two of them, especially if they’re together to start w which for some reason is the way i’m viewing them rn. like bartylily being this insane, incredibly intense couple who commit a lot of recreational arson and never miss a chance to cause a scene and regulus, who would rather die than be perceived while in public but also desperately craves the kinda all-consuming attention that the two of them have for each other, is just So overwhelmed by them

like reg hasn't expressed a single emotion in at least a decade, he's the embodiment of unflappability but in quite possibly the worst way ever, he hasn't had a day off since the dawn of time, he hasn't let himself relax since even before that, he doesn't have a single friend in the world and he's convinced himself he doesn't need them bc he's on his mindset grindset (my poor sad baby is debilitatingly lonely actually) but then somehow he's coming face to face w lily evans and bartemius crouch jr.

lily evans who's highly competent and driven but also messy and outspoken and often rude, who thinks that everything should happen exactly as she wants it to and if it doesn't then she'll make it, who's a force of nature and who has probably killed a man and who is inexplicably in love with barty. barty who's as sharp as a fucking knife and as dangerous as one too, who's wrapping himself up in so many layers of irony that it's impossible to tell what he really means at any given time, who has had a criminal record since the ripe old age of six and who took one look at lily and threw himself down at her feet. and the two of them are angry at the world and taking what they want from it without asking and overly obsessed with each other to the point that it’s uncomfortable to watch but reg can’t seem to look away

maybe this is just typical to me in all of barty's relationships bc in my mind (my mind which has been obsessing over barty/michelangelo parallels for the last month lol) he’s just brimming with undying devotion, he’s putting his entire self into a relationship in this almost masochistic, de-subjectivising translation of the self into the body of the object of his desire or whatever, and lily to me has that sort of intensity as well, kinda selfish in the sense that she's taking and taking and he's giving himself up entirely but it's okay bc she's doing the same for him so in the end they're balanced in that they've both entirely relinquished themselves to each other and merged into one ridiculously feverish entity, they're constantly together, they're a fucking tornado sweeping into regulus' life and uprooting everything that he had so carefully laid into place

and like, in the aftermath of this complete kinda excavation, they're lounging around and getting high together and reg’s having epiphanies like ‘is this relaxation?’ (picture that meme w the butterfly) and he's like. expressing his desires for the first time in his entire life, he doing things bc he wants to do them and not bc someone told him to or bc he thinks he should. and he's swept up in the tornado and just as obsessive and intense and devoted to the two of them as they are to him and he's flourishing like a pot plant being put in the sun and watered, his little sickly victorian child complexion actually gets some colour to it bc he's blushing all the time at the things they're saying to him

and anyway in conclusion, i think i can get behind any bartylily + someone else ship as long as everyone involved worships the ground that lily evans walks on and is also slightly scared of her. but also yes regubartylily has my stamp of approval, we do indeed think they could work out <333