#it's like. i can only put so much sapphic girl love glitter on things to try and fix them

[martritzvonmercie]

sometimes i want to play p4 bc in theory i love rise so much but i just feel like. i wouldn't like her as much in actuality as i do theoretically

[a-spes]

idea for a wanda x y/n snippet

y/n is an up and coming artist and all her music is very sapphic and very sexually explicit (think young miko lol) so all of her fans and all the media assumes that she's like this super confident player but really she's the opposite (super shy and gets flustered very easily and totally a golden retriever gf) she and wanda are newly dating and they do livestreams and stuff to promote y/n's new release and wanda constantly teases her for how soft and sweet she actually is and she gets all flustered on the livestream and all her fans go feral over how cute they are

like imagine them being on the livestream and wanda dares y/n to read her lyrics out loud to her while maintaining eye contact and she just can't cuz of the gay panic 👀 just a flustered stuttering mess

You have no idea how much I love this. It litteraly became an obsession, and I can't think about anything else 😩

I imagine everyone thinking it would be the other way around because Wanda seems to be the golden retriever of the duo, but in reality it is the opposite. Also, I feel like she would be so mean about it, and enjoy how easily you can get flustered 🫠

I really hope that you will enjoy the snippet. 1.460 words — no warnings, just wlw fluff 🙆‍♀️

The person you are on stage has nothing in common with the one you are behind the curtains. One is confident, bold, and loud, while the other is none of that. It is exactly why you choose a nickname, so you could be someone else when you are performing, someone that is free from all the labels that society has tried to stick on them.

You have never felt as free as when you are blinded by the lights, unable to see the faces of the people who are cheering for you because, when you are up there and that the world doesn't exist anymore, it is easy to pretend to be anyone you want to be. But the truth is that the glitters, and the overconfidence that you show during your concerts, are only small parts of the person you truly are, and everything disapears as soon as the lights go out.

You really like the act, and the person you are when you are performing, but it doesn't mean that the whole thing is not exhausting to keep up with. So, when you eventually get down the stage, you are relieved to eventually be able to put a hoodie to cover yourself. It is comfortable, and much more like the person you truly are — soft. That is something most of the people do not see, because you refuse to show them.

From the backstage you can still hear the thousands of people that are screaming your name, but that is not what is on your mind right now because she occupies all your thoughts. You may be smiling at the people who are calling out for you, but you are not really there. Right now, there is only voice you want to hear, one hand you want to shake, and it is hers.

You look frantically for the brunette, and there are no words to describe how relieved you are when your eyes eventually land on the woman. She is in the back of the room, leaning against the walls. She is looking at you too, and the second your gazes meet, it is like the rest of the world fade away. You are not listening to the others anymore, their voices are muffled by the sudden urge of being in her arms. You immediately push them away, excusing yourself, just so you can join the woman.

Her eyes never left her sweet girl and, when she realizes that you have eventually spotted her, a wide smile spreads on her lips. You do not need to talk for the woman to know what you want, and she opens her arms to you so you can lean in her embrace. Immediately, your face finds a place into her neck. It feels familiar, natural, as if you have belonged here your whole life. The woman feels like home, she feels safe, and the exhaustion just disappears as soon as she holds you in her arms.

"You did so great," she whispers as she kisses your head, and you can't help but smile. That is the only thing you wanted to hear tonight, the only compliment that really makes sense — you never feel as proud as when she is the one to say those sweet words.

You have known the woman for years. She was your manager, but she quickly became more than that. A friend, at first, and eventually the love of your life. It took you a lot of time to realize how you were truly feeling toward the brunette, and she has patiently waited for you to figure it. It has only been a few months since you two started dating, and even less since you broke the news on your social media, and you have never felt so happy in your life. It feels like you are living a dream, the thing you two have being precious and perfect.

—

The live was her idea. She has insisted that it could be great for your carrier, she said something about boosting your music and popularity. You are not sure you want to increase your audience — you are singer, not a celebrity — but how could you say no when the brunette was looking at you with those pleading eyes?

You are not as confident as the woman who promised that it would be fun is. You are now nervously watching your girlfriend setting up everything, low-key considering to change your mind. When you are on stage, it is easy to embody someone else, but keeping the act up without the artifices is not as easy — what if they do not like the real you? The one that is much different from the artist they love? The one that is not confident, nor bold, nor loud? The one that, on the contrary, is always hesitant?

"Do not overthink it, love," she softly says when she notices how nervous you are. "Everthing will be fine, okay? Just be yourself, they will love you, I promise," she assures, her hands cupping your cheeks to force you to look at her while she talks. You eventually nod, your nerves soothed by the way her thumb is drawing circles on your skin.

So here you are, on live, with Wanda that is sitting on your left. For the past hour, you have been talking about your future projects and answering random questions from the chat, and you have to admit that she was right —; everything is going fine. At one point, you became more comfortable, and you surprised yourself by enjoying the whole thing.

"Could we have a snippet of your next song?" you read the question out loud, and you frown, "I do not think that-"

"Why not?" she cuts you, and a glance could kill, she would probably be dead by now. The reason you've tried to dodge the question is because your next song may be one of the most explicit you have ever written, and you both know it — yet, she is still trying to get you to read some lyrics? The mere thought of reading them is enough for you to die with embarassment. "Is that because you are embarassed, hm?" she adds when you do not reply, calling you out.

"No- no, I just-," you try to defend yourself, but she knows the truth, and you are both aware that she won't fall for your lies. Maybe that is why one glance is enough for her to keep your silent.

"Then come on, tell us everything," she smiles — obviously she is smiling. You glance at the woman as she leans back on the sofa, her hands cross on her laps.

She has this expression on her face, one that screams fake innocent, one that makes you melt. The woman is everything but innocent. On the contrary, she knows exactly what she is doing to you, and she enjoys every minute of your tourments. She could have helped you to dodge the question, but instead she decided to be mean about it — bitch, you thought. "We are all waiting," she adds, and you can see how the people from the chats are going crazy, everyone getting exciting at the idea of learning more about your next song.

You reluctantly take your phone out, opening your notes but, when you read the first lines, you know that you won't be able to do it — you definitely don't remember the lyrics to be that explicit when you wrote them. All you can do is mumbling something that no one could hear you say.

"What did you say, honey? We couldn't hear you..," she says. Her head is tilted to the side, a frown of false concern on her face, but it is just an act, and the woman still has the same stupid smirk playing on her lips.

Suddenly, you realize that your head starts to be fuzzy. The thoughts and words are hard, just because of that name she called you — honey. You want her to say it again, you love it so much when she calls you by these stupid names, and she loves them to. Those words hold so much power over you, and the woman adores how easily she can bend you to her will whenever she uses them. It will never not be funny to her to witness how flustered you can get.

"You weren't as shy last night," she whispers in your ear, leaning toward you so no one could hear those words, nor try to read on her lips. Before she pulls away, she discretely nibble to your earlobe. You are so lost in your thoughts after that you barely register her laugh.

[artzychic27]

🏳️‍⚧️Happy Pride From the Recess Class!🏳️‍🌈

Akuma Class

Science Kids

Austin A: Legally Blonde, but Gayer

Gender nonconforming, who has time to narrow down pronouns?

Does everyone’s makeup before Pride with Kendra and Victoria

Dyes his hair pink

Gives free haircuts, paints peoples’ nails, and dyes hair using spray-on dye

They just want everyone to look fabulous, is that so wrong?!

Dresses in only flag colors

Uses his mom’s credit card to buy binders for people

This is the only time of year he makes people simp. Not the other way around

And they are going to use it to their advantage

Dresses her chinchillas in drag

They. Look. Gorgeous.

He somehow escapes the Glitter Wars unscathed

Todrick Hall is her anthem

Austin B: Gaymer Gurl

AroAce and He/Him

Wears Croc Heelys to pride

He wanders off a lot, and it terrifies his boyfriends best friends

Brings Elizabeth III to every pride and dresses her in only the finest fashions

He buys her all sorts of pride-themed cat toys because she’s worth it

When people ask him on a date, Elizabeth III hisses at them

Casually getting adopted by drag queens after he casually tells them about his home situation

He’s granted entry to any drag house when he wants to get away from his “parents”. He’s got six moms now, and he will steal jewelry for them

He met a little girl with yellow eyes like him and she hugged him

All of Marceline’s songs are his anthems

Austin Q: Secret Mom Friend with Mommy Issues

Questioning & He/?

Tempted to put a leash on everyone

Especially Austin B because he won’t stop wandering off!

Austin Q: WHERE ARE MY BABIES?! Have you seen a little bitch in yellow glitter pants?! He’s a little ho, but I love him!

He supplies the snacks Austin T doesn’t make. He’s the main apple slice supplier

He also makes sure to bring apple juice. He just likes apples. “They’re good for you, Armsy!”

Cosplays as every redhead character- Penn Zero, Vicky, Melissa Chase, Mary Test, Black Widow, and more

He joins the muscle-flexing contests and wins a couple

Can carry Austin A, B, and T on his shoulders

Once again, everyone thinks the four of them are a poly couple

Austin Quinlan, Protector of Lesbians, Wielder of the Sapphic Sword, Kicker of Protesters’ Balls

Knows how to do a badass rainbow kick

Austin T: OUT OF THE WAY! I AM VERY GAY!

Gay & He/Him

Bakes all sorts of pastries for everyone and it’s pretty much the one thing everyone looks forward to

Seriously, this boy brings like twenty containers full of cupcakes, cookies, and pancakes (For the pansexuals, of course)

Not even protesters are immune to his cupcakes. But because he’s petty, they only get plain vanilla with no toppings

That’s how disappointed he is in them. Now they feel as though they’ve disrespected every deity

The drag queens, dykes on bikes, and just lesbians in general will kill for this baby

Casually name drops his parents any time a protester screams in his face

He and Jean reenact scenes from Phantom of the Opera

DJ threw a glitter bomb at him, and no one was safe

Wears Huggycake like a boa because she loves all the people, and she scares off homophobes

He met other reptile queers and now they’re having brunch

Lotta Jameson: Kick Buttowski, Queer Daredevil

Aromantic and She/Her

Gerard tinkered with her Vespa, and now rainbow glitter shoots out the pipes

Do NOT give her sugar. Seriously

She somehow sneaks onto floats

Austin Q: Lotta! Get down from there!/ Lotta: Be gay, do crimes!

Brings a baseball bat in case of transphobes

She has a shirt that says so

She did a bike jump over the protesters and dropped bags of glitter on them

Now she’s getting called Amelia Earhart by literally everyone

She got the aviator goggles and they’re pretty sure Amelia is a queer icon… Also, she sometimes goes missing in the crowd. She’s so short!

Austin Q: WHERE’S MY OTHER BABY?! SHE’S THE LITTLE GINGER BITCH IN GOGGLES!/ Lotta: Do you call all your babies bitches?

Kendra Anne Gunderson: Casually Spider-Man Kisses People… With Consent

Polyromantic and She/Her

Kendra is a bit of an icon

Known by all as “Hand-Stand Girl” because she walked only on her hands for the entire event

She has two drag queen uncles and her cousin is a beauty influencer in the queer community

Every time Kendra breathes, a lesbian meets her perfect match

Her eyeliner is on point

DJ lowers her down from buildings so that she can kiss pretty people… With consent, of course

Those two are always getting into some sort of trouble

They spray painted some transphobe’s car and put an egg in the slightly open trunk. It stunk up the car for days

When she’s not pranking protesters, she’s on the mom friend squad with Austin Q and keeping Austin B from wandering off

DJ Detweiler: The Drag Jester

Genderfluid, Bisexual, and He/She

Owns an assortment of pun shirts for every sexuality. No one knows how they come up with them

DJ: I came out to my dad./ Mason: DJ, NO!/ DJ: He told animal control he had a bison in his house!

Always accused of starting the Glitter Wars. She ain’t denying anything

As the name implies, he’s gonna prank the protesters and TERFs

So far, he got a TERF to sit on a whoopie cushion, tricked some dick trying to force himself on an Ace girl into kissing a frog, and made some homophobe think his foot went missing

Heads to drag clubs to do standup, and is probably gonna get a Netflix show when she gets older

DJ: Do you know the difference between a government bond and a homophobe? The bond matures.

Now he’s booked for seven shows throughout the month

He’s got a laugh like Sardonyx that makes people (Especially Mason) simp

Any time DJ laughs, a trans boy gets his soup

Austin Spinelli: Sneaking Out in Ballet Flats

Achillean and He/Him

Casually flirts with any guy he comes across

And he lays the Italian accent on THICK

Dresses in pinstripe suits and says he’s the boss of the Velvet Mafia

When he’s not in suits, he’s dressed in his ballet gear and doing ribbon dances

His splits are flawless

Any time Spinelli does a pirouette, a trans girl gets her wings

Any time Spinelli does a pirouette, a transphobe gets punched

When he’s got the time, and he always does, he does chalk art with the kids, and creates a literal mural

He’s always got time

The organizers loved his work so much, they commissioned a mural for a youth center

Knits beanies for everyone

Gia Griswald: You Ask, I’ll Tell

MtF Trans and She/Her

Her dad went with her to her first pride, and none of the protesters wanted to mess with the six foot tall military general war hero

Gets into flexing contests

Wears rainbow camouflage to every event

If she sees a scuff on your combat boots, she’s gonna clean them

Helped Gerard write his queer history book

In a club with other queer history buffs and they reenact iconic poses from history, but make them gay

She attended a military funeral with her dad during June, and the soldier being burried was a lesbian

Immediately, a bunch of freaks who probably stalked them went to protest. Gia flipped some bastard over her shoulder

Roger Raincomprix, the arriving officer, didn’t see a thing

She eats a crap ton of marshmallows

Victoria LaSalle: Queers on Wheels

Asexual, Bigender, and He/They/She

Decorates her wheelchair with all sorts of pride stickers

Rocks it every year in a crop top

Starts every glitter bomb fight. No one ever sees them coming

She’s just… She’s a goddex

Everyone wants to get a selfie with him. That’s how gorgeous he is

Out of everyone’s leagues

Teaches kids in wheelchairs how to pop a wheelie

Likes to answers kids’ questions

Kid: Are you a robot?/ Victoria: … Yes. Yes, I am.

Only Gerard has the privilege of sitting in his lap as he cruises through the crowd

Gerard Grundler: The Gay Genius

FtM Trans, Pan, Polyamorous, He/Him

He’s written a mini-pride history book with Gia. They got publishers lining up and everything!

Everyone is just so pretty

He bails during the Glitter Wars and takes cover in a coffee shop

Victoria’s gotta keep him from wandering off and possibly joining a cult because the members are pretty

Probably hacked into the medical system so people can have better access to hormones

Faints any time he sees Victoria in a crop top

Dresses in a lot of pride flag sweater vests no matter how hot it is

Victoria: Gerard, it’s ninety-/ Gerard: SWEATER VESTS RULE!

He builds robots to wave pride flags in sync

He and Rochelle protect the bugs

Mindy Blumberg: Opera is Gay as Fuck

Demigirl, Panromantic, They/She

Sings “Rainbow Connection” in an operatic fashion, and leaves everyone in tears

Carries Gia on her shoulders

She carries everyone on her shoulders, but mostly Gia

Will act as a human shield during the Glitter Wars because that’s how much she cares.

But the second Austin T gets his hands on a glitter bomb, she’s out

Hayley Kiyoko is her anthem

If you ask, they’ll hug you

Mindy gives amazing hugs

Everyone will die for this girl

Also, she’s weirdly poetic. It makes everyone wanna listen to her for hours

Is a pacifist, but she’ll give it to you straight if you mess with her friends

Rochelle Weems: That one person at pride who takes pictures of the protesters screaming at queer kids and posts them online for everyone to see

Demigirl, Polysexual, Ze/Zir

Brings zir Polaroid to make a scrapbook and blackmail protesters

Ze’s a rat, but a good kind of rat. The kind who makes sure homophobes and transphobes don’t get away with yelling at queer kids

Was self conscious about zir back brace until ze saw a drag king wearing a bedazzled one

Was roped into letting Austin A, Victoria and Kendra do zir makeup

Ze looked gorgeous!

Ze and Austin B share the good gossip with drag queens

In exchange, they get tickets to shows

Will kill for Austin T’s cookies

Just don’t let zir have too much sugar, otherwise ze will go crazy and start a cult based on cookies where everyone wears Cookie Monster bathrobes

It’s happened once before, and now ze’s under surveillance

Protects the bugs from getting stepped on and then places them in protesters’ hair

Ze saw this one guy about to take a swing at a lesbian, and promptly kicked him in the balls

Now ze’s got twelve new numbers in zir phone

Mason Ewing: The Most Organized Person At Pride

Bigender, Asexual, He/She

Brings a binder filled with horrific facts about conversion therapy to throw in the faces of protesters

Will talk the ear off of any protester about why they’re wrong about everything until they just walk away

Gets carried by DJ on her shoulders

Somehow knows where everyone is at all times

He teaches Rochelle how to walk in pumps and ze teaches him how to steal thirty candy bars

Brings sarcastic coffee thermoses

Paid Gerard to make her coffee maker battery operated, and now she brings it everywhere

She just pins an asexual flag pin on her tie and calls it a day. Though, if DJ asks, she will wear a pun shirt

DJ is the only one who knows how to make her laugh, and Spinelli’s taking bets on who will ask who out first

Beck King: Cosplays As Frida Kahlo

Nonbinary, Achillean, They/Them

The responsible chaperone when M. Grotke’s out of commission

Dyes their unibrow rainbow

Silently flirts with guys using eyebrow language

Cosplays as Clone High Frida Kahlo and the original Frida Kahlo. They just like Frida

Just casually flexing their muscles in front of hot guys, nothing going on there

Then the hot guys write their phone numbers on their hockey stick

Spinelli’s mentor in ‘The Way of the Achillean’

He makes crowns for kids

Any time a protester tries to attack them, they just suddenly disappear

People swear they’ve see men in black drag protesters away from Beck

Seriously, it’s like this guy’s got a whole security detail!

Alonzo Grotke: I Went to the First Pride, and All I Got Was This Brick

FtM Trans, Gay, He/Him

A well seasoned gay

Has a shirt that says “Papa Gay”

He’s total DILF getting hit on by every silver fox. He ain’t complaining, and they sure ain’t complaining when they get a look at his abs with that crop top

Seriously, this guy is ripped

The parade paused when one of the floats got a flat, and he just… He just made a whole bunch of guys simp by changing a tire, that’s all they’ll say

He’s the one keeping people at gay bars from getting roofied by creeps

Teaches meditation at the youth center

He gets hit on by the single dads, A LOT

Back in the day, he stole a police motorcycle and painted it rainbow. He passes out autographed copies of his mugshot because it’s such a good photo

His kids went to spy on his date with M. Monlataing and he pretended he didn’t notice

He passes mini water bottles to protesters since it’s ninety degrees out and he doesn’t want them dying of thirst despite everything

But, he does it with this smirk like, “Looks like I’m the bigger person here, losers. Namaste.”

[alcinadimitrescuwu]

A Modest Proposal (Alcina x Fem!Reader)

Premise: You finally muster up the courage to propose to Alcina Dimitrescu. But will everything go as planned?

Note: Even though we technically don't know Alcina's middle name, I gave her Carmilla as her middle name in homage to another beloved Sapphic vampire! :)

Warnings: blood. Steamy scenes her and there, but nothing NSFW.

As you take the last steps towards your mistress’s chambers you have to stop for a minute and take some deep breaths. The other maids had taken to giving you concerned glances all morning. Your nerves had been so fraught that a plate had slipped out of your sweaty hands and broken. You didn’t mind the stares. To everyone else, this is just an ordinary day. Not for you.

Today is the day you are going to propose to Alcina Dimitrescu.

However, you have some errands to run first. For that you are going to have to ask Alcina, ironically enough, for the rest of the day off.

You steel yourself, slap your cheeks to banish any last nerves and knock on the door.

“Come in,” you hear an elegant, mature voice call.

Lady Dimitrescu is seated at her secretary, lining up accounts for the month. Her brow is furrowed in concentration. Upon clearing your throat, she takes off her reading glasses and when she sees you a smile bursts across her face that takes your breath away.

After a year and a half of courting, you could still not believe that this beautiful woman was your lover. You take in her laugh lines and dimples, her slightly puffy cheeks that she hated but you found adorable, her carmine lips freshly painted, and her blue eyes with a corona of gold around them that you found absolutely mesmerizing.

She takes your hand and kisses your knuckles. “Yes, iubirea mea, what can I do for you?”

“I would like to take the rest of the day off if that’s alright with you,” you say in a rush.

She blinks, surprised, but then smiles. “I don’t mind. After all, you’ve been working so hard lately. Have you cleared it with the head maid?”

“Yes-” Before you can say any more, in an instant Alcina has bent down and taken you in her arms with your back against her ample bosom. You feel hot breath on your neck and her curls tickle your ears as she whispers, “We could spend the whole day together. How would you like that, pet?”

You find yourself lost for words as she moves your uniform collar and begins kissing your neck. You lean back and sigh. Her perfume is intoxicating. She moves one hand to your hip and the other begins to peel back your skirt.

You would rather do nothing more than to make love to Alcina on your day off, however there are other matters more pressing. It takes great self control to take her hands off of you. A look of hurt crosses her face. You turn around and give her a chaste kiss and hold her face in your hands. “Forgive me, darling. I would love to but I have some errands to run. May I see you later? Dinner, the usual time?”

Her expression brightens and she kisses you deeply. “I’ll look forward to tonight then,” she says, tucking a curl behind your ear.

You can only nod and when you turn around, Alcina gives you a playful slap on the bum. You look back at her and she gives you a devilish grin.

Closing the door behind you, you can’t help but let out a chuckle. Alcina’s libido, it seemed, could never be satiated. As you take a step you wince and rub your behind. That woman honestly didn’t know her own strength sometimes.

You wrap your scarf around you as you leave the castle grounds. It may be the dead of winter but you find yourself sweating from nerves. The Duke catches your eye and waves you over.

“Ah, Miss Y/N! Just the lady I wanted to see. Your package just arrived.”

You feel your breath catch but nod silently. He turns around and begins rummaging around in the store. You turn around so as to not catch a glimpse of the Duke’s massive behind and you freeze. Alcina is at the window enjoying her morning cigarette. And she is staring directly at you.

You whisper to him, “Wait.” Alcina is still looking at you as she’s taking a drag off her cigarette. Smoke wreathes her gorgeous face. You give her a nervous wave. She waves back and then hears the phone ring. With a grimace, she puts out her cigarette and steps back inside.

You turn back to the Duke. “All right. It should be fine now.”

The Duke smiles and then presents you with a box slightly larger than a normal engagement ring box. With bated breath you open the box and behold the engagement ring that you have bought for Alcina.

Getting the ring had not been easy. When the Duke had told you the price for an engagement ring, especially a custom-made ring for Alcina, you nearly cried with frustration. After all, the main purpose of you working at Castle Dimitrescu was to send back money for your aging parents. When you and Lady Dimitrescu had first begun courting and she learned of your family’s financial situation she had offered to send them money herself each month so you didn’t have to work. However, your pride would not allow it. Any money sent back to your home, you wanted to come from your labors.

Getting enough money for your parents while also raising money to buy the ring had been a long and arduous process. You had begun taking up extra shifts to make up the money. There had been many nights where you had fallen asleep on the sofa with a feather duster in your hand and Alcina had to scoop you up in her arms and carry you to bed herself. But looking in at the ring within the box, you found it had been all worth it. The ring is beautiful, around 14 karats of gold inlaid with rubies forming the House Dimitrescu crest. You are sure Alcina would love it. It had taken time to get the exact measurements of her ring finger. While Alcina was asleep, you had taken her left hand often and studied her ring finger making sure the ring fit snug but not too tight. To get the crest right, you had taken to drawing it over and over again in your off time before you had a drawing good enough to show the Duke to have it commissioned.

You look up and grin at the Duke with tears in your eyes. “Duke, it's beautiful!” you breathe. “Alcina- er, Lady Dimitrescu will love it!”

He pats your hand as you slip the box into your apron pocket. “Not a problem at all, m’dear! Good luck tonight!”

With that done, you head back to the castle. You practically skip back to the gates, taking out the box every so often and peeking inside. Your joy dissipates when you realize what the next item on your to do list is.

Asking for Lady Dimitrescu’s daughters’ blessing.

When you walk in, you actually run into them getting ready to go out. Bela smiles at you as she adjusts Daniela’s cowl on her traveling cloak. “Y/N! Good to see you! Mother told us you had taken the day off.”

Cassandra pipes up, “We were just going out to go hunting! Want to come with us?”

“Actually I wanted to talk to you all about something,” you say as you look around the foyer for any sign of the girls’ mother. “Is there somewhere private we can all talk? Preferably somewhere your mother doesn’t frequent?”

Daniela’s eyes glitter mischievously. “Oooh, keeping secrets are we? Come on, I know a perfect place we can hide!”

Daniels leads the pack to the library. “Mother usually practices her singing around this time,” she says over her shoulder. “So there’s not a chance she’ll overhear anything you say.”

Sure enough, you hear Lady Dimitrescu’s voice singing an elaborate coloratura from upstairs. Perfect.

Daniela’s hands run over the panels in the wall. “Now where is it….Aha there it is!” Daniela picks up a loose panel on the wall and puts it to the side. She steps in and backons the rest of you forward.

There is no light in this room save for torches every couple meters. The room can’t be much more than 6 feet tall, so there was no way Lady Dimitrescu could fit in properly. “We used to hide from Mother here all the time as children,” Daniela winks conspiratorially at you.

Cassandra begins jumping up and down excitedly. “Now what’s the secret? Tell us! Tell us!”

You take a deep breath and then let it out. “All right...Tonight I am planning on proposing to your mother and-”

You are cut off by the girls’ cries of jubilation. Daniela runs over and gives you a big hug. Bela has burst into happy tears. Cassandra continues jumping up and down and chanting, “Bonus mom! Bonus mom!”

You can’t help but laugh. “Does that mean I have your blessing?”

“Of course!” they yell in unison.

Bela says excitedly, “The ring! Do you have a ring?”

Blushing furiously you nod and take out the black velvet box and open it. They “ooh” and “aah” and take turns looking at it before they finally relinquish it back to you. As you put the box back into your pocket, you say, “Well girls, I need to start getting ready. Please make sure not to do anything to arouse your mother’s suspicions. I want it to be a surprise.”

The girls nod their assent, but Cassandra interjects, “Do you need help getting ready? We want you to be looking your best for tonight!”

Everyone enthusiastically agrees and you can’t help but smile fondly at the girls. You may be closer in age to them, but ever since you had begun courting their mother, you loved them like they were your own children. “All right, if you insist.”

The girls cheer and Cassaandra takes you by the hand and leads you back to your room to get ready.

15 minutes before your meeting with Lady Dimitrescu you take a look in the mirror. The girls truly outdid themselves on your makeover. Daniela had curled your hair and it hung in ringlets over your shoulders. Cassandra had given you one of her dresses, a red column dress that was backless with a plunging neckline. This wasn’t the sort of thing you would normally wear, but you had to admit the silhouette was very flattering, highlighting your natural curves. The best part: it had pockets large enough to hide the ring box! Bela was on makeup duty, giving you wingtips sharper than Alcina’s claws and a smokey eye. You spritz on some rosewater perfume and head out. As you pass the hall mirror, you consider putting your hair up in a chignon but think better of it. Alcina had always liked your hair best when it was down.

When you are at the door to Alcina’s chambers you take a deep breath before knocking on the door. “Come in, iubirea mea,” Alcina’s voice purrs within.

You head inside and Alcina has her back turned on you, lighting the candelabras at the table she has set up for you two. “I’ve needed this, my love. You should’ve heard what that fool Heisenberg-”

She stops and stares at you. You can’t help but feel self-conscious as she takes you in. She finally sets the candlestick she was using to light the others back in the candelabra and heads purposefully towards you. She scoops you up in her arms and kisses you deeply, burying her hands in your curls. She breaks the kiss and strokes your cheek. “You look beautiful,” she says breathlessly.

You can’t help but blush at the compliment. “So do you,” you reply as she sets you down gently, praying she doesn’t hear the box rustling in your skirts. She takes your hand and leads you to your seat where she pulls out your chair for you. You take her hand that is resting on the back of your seat and kiss it.

Dinner proceeds as normal at first. You listen to her talk about her day, which takes your mind off the proposal for a bit. Then she puts it at the forefront of your mind when she says, “I saw you talking to the merchant this morning. Did you have anything special coming in?”

Your mouth goes dry. How do you respond to that? “Oh, no. He just wanted to chat. You know how he gets!”

Alcina purses her lips but nods eventually. “Indeed.”

Awkward silence settles over you for a bit. Then she begins talking again, this time ranting about Heisenberg and you almost sigh in relief. This is easy. You just have to listen and agree with whatever she says.

“And then do you know what that fool called me? He called me a ‘simp’ for Mother Miranda! I didn’t even know what that was. I had to ask my daughters and when they told me of course I was infuriated.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I mean, a simp? Me? Ha! Imagine! He’s just jealous because he wishes that he had half the devotion that I have for her!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Do you think I’m a simp?”

“Uh-huh.”

She glares at you from across the table. Damn. She’s caught you.

You stumble over your words trying to correct your stupid blunder. “I mean, no! Of course you’re not a simp! Where would he get that idea?”

Alcina leans across the table and takes your chin in her hand, forcing you to look directly into her eyes. “Am I boring you, pet?” she asks, a dangerous edge to her voice.

“Er, no! No, I'm having a great time!” you say, smiling stupidly at her.

Alcina lets go of your chin and settles back in her chair, crossing her arms. Her stormy expression can’t disguise the look of hurt on her face. “You were the one that suggested we meet tonight, darling. I can’t see why you would want to if you’re not going to at least attempt to be present with me.”

“I’m sorry, darling. I-”

She turns away from you, her large hat blocking her expression. “Maybe you should go.” She gets up and crosses the room to open the door.

No, no, God, no this can’t be happening. This is your worst nightmare. You can’t let her open the door, you just can’t.

You practically fall to one knee. “Alcina!”

“What?” she snaps, turning her head toward you. Her expression softens as she sees that you are down on one knee with the box open. Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she says so quietly you have to lean to hear it, “Draga mea, what are you doing?”

You had a big speech prepared for this. But everything else has gone to hell in a handbasket, so you might as well get it over with. “Alcina Carmilla Dimitrescu, will you marry me?”

Alcina just stands there and stares. The tears that had been building in her eyes now spill over as she kneels down to your level and gives you a passionate kiss.

You smile against her lips and break the kiss. “Does that mean yes?”

“Yes, my darling,” she gives you a watery smile and caresses your jaw. “Yes.”

With trembling hands you take the ring out of the box and slip it on her left ring finger. She lifts her hand and inspects the new ring in the chandelier light. The rubies catch the light, nearly blinding you with their brilliance.

“How does it fit? It’s not too tight?”

She beams at you, positively radiating with joy. “It fits perfectly.” She then rises and heads over to her dresser and opens the top drawer. To your surprise, she pulls out a red box with the Dimitrescu family crest on the top. She sinks to one knee and presents you with an old, but beautiful ring. It must have been passed down through the Dimitrescu bloodline for generations.

Your face feels hot and you feel tears welling up in your eyes. She gently takes your arm. “Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” She wipes the tears that have already begun cascading your cheeks. “It is tradition for House Dimitrescu to propose with the family ring to symbolize the unification of two houses. I had been planning to propose to you next week. You beat me to it, you clever girl.” She takes your hand and slips the Dimitrescu family ring on your ring finger. It is slightly larger than your finger, but you don’t care. You couldn’t be happier.

Alcina takes you into her lap and kisses you passionately. In between kisses, she queries, ”All those extra shifts you took. They were all for me?”

“Yes, my love,” you say breathlessly. “All for you.”

She stands up and takes you in her arms. You wrap your arms around her neck as she deepens the kiss, exploring your mouth with her tongue. You can taste salty tears on her lips. She carries you over to the bed kissing you the whole time and sets you down gently. She kneels over you on the bed and you rest your leg on her hip. The slit in your skirt rises up, exposing your stockinged leg. After putting her hand gently on your shoulder, Alcina begins kissing your neck. You lean back into the cushions and sigh.

You hear a low moan in her throat, almost like a whine as she kisses your pulse point. You don’t say anything; you just nod. Soon enough you feel the sharp but familiar sensation of Alcina’s fangs piercing your neck. She holds you against her body and you bury your hands in her curls, causing her hat to fall off. Briefly taking her hand off your shoulder, she slaps the hat aside like it was so much rubbish. You take pleasure in every sigh, every moan, every exclamation you elicit from her as she drinks. When she finally stops drinking she wipes her mouth and gives you a seductive smirk. “Good girl,” she purrs.

Alcina’s mouth is on yours again as she undoes your halter while you unhook her garter. She breaks the kiss and cradles your face in her hands. “Te iubesc, draga mea.”

You take her hand and kiss it while saying, “And I you, Alcina.”

The two of you make love until the sun rises the next morning.

[eyebright-iris]

Review: Met Gala 2019

Good morning to girls and gays only.  Straight men can perish.

Well, the Met Gala has rolled around once again and all I can say is: I’m so glad I’m a lesbian. The theme for this year was ‘Camp: Notes on Fashion’ and my GOD did some men decide that this was the perfect opportunity to come in a bland black tux or worse.

Some of the biggest disappointments of the night for me have to be Rami Malek and Taron Egerton, who, having both just played some of the most iconic men in recent history who lived, breathed and ate the essence of camp, saw fit to turn up in black tuxes.  Taron’s was kinda sparkly though and I still respect the dude for his general lack of typical masculinity elsewhere (more men commenting “phwoar” on their mates’ Instagram, please).  Shout out to Frank Ocean who showed up looking like any bouncer you might find outside one of my local clubs on a Saturday night.  He collaborated with James Charles to prove that while some gays showed their best, others certainly did not.  The theme was CAMP, James Charles, and you still couldn’t deliver.

I appreciated the change in pace from Darren Criss and Harry Styles, but to be honest, Harry’s had camper looks in concert and Darren Criss…well, I loved his look, but it also took me a solid ten minutes to work out that it was him and not just Brendon Urie in his regular concert gear.  Glittery jackets and statement eyeliner do not a camp icon make, I’m afraid, though you certainly did better than so many others.

Kim Kardashian was certainly…there.  I’m impressed with the way she managed to make herself look like she’s just stepped out of the ocean butt-naked and dripping wet, but girl.  You’re rich as fuck.  There’s more than bodycon dresses out there.  Also please smack your husband, he’s a dick and he’s wearing a black tracksuit.  Kendall and Kylie were a little more flamboyant but honestly, they were single-colour knockoffs of things I would say you could find at a Rio street festival, except that would be an insult to Brazil and all the ways Rio festivals embody everything the Jenner looks were not.  And to be real with you?  For all the colour that was there, they were boring.  What is it with these women and being afraid to be #Iconique? It’s sad that all they seem to know how to do is emphasise their boobs and hips in dresses with very little fabric to try and be daring.  If they weren’t so rich and influential no one would pay them any mind because you can see the same look on anyone else.

While I don’t like Cardi B, I can appreciate her attempt to get into the spirit of the Met Gala, which she pulled off so well last year.  I only wish her skirt hadn’t ended up looking like rows of theatre seating.  Katy Perry was there as both a chandelier and a hamburger, which, while a step up from the Jenner-Kardashian contributions, leads me to wonder if she knows what ‘camp’ means, or if her foray into queer culture stopped once she was done appropriating sapphic sexuality for male consumption in 2008.  Special mention must go to Benedict Cumberbatch who saw fit to show up dressed like some bizarre visiting cousin of Colonel Sanders who maybe definitely owned a plantation.  It wasn’t a black tux but somehow I just wish it had been.

To get to the real stars of the night, I think it’s only fair to start off by saying this Met Gala was once again, Black Excellence.  I cannot BREATHE for the number of incredible, powerful black icons taking to the pink carpet in works of art.  Let’s begin, shall we?

Billy Porter showed up (and showed everyone else up) with six hot half naked slave dudes decked out in gold carrying him in on a black-and-gold chaise-lounge like a modern-day Cleopatra and, once he had both feet firmly on the floor, threw up the massive golden wings of Isis and owned the entire space around him.  The crown.  The wings. The copious gold sparkly shit. The gold bedazzled stuff on his face. Every other man should be ashamed of his failure to measure up to the king. Also every man in a tux found DEAD by the side of the road thanks to our Lord and Saviour Billy Porter.

If Billy Porter is the king, then surely, there are too many queens to choose from.  From Laverne Cox’s strikingly shaped black dress with her brilliant blue-white hair and statement makeup, to Lupita Nyong’o showing up in the full neon spectrum of the rainbow, black women showed up to take the crown every single time last night.  Janelle Monáe’s stunning artsy dress blew me away, from the Picasso-like features to the multitude of hats that I have no idea how she balanced, she’s a masterpiece.  Lizzo stepped out looking like the Empress of Flamingos and I am absolutely here for every second of it.  The colours are loud, bold, and the outfit is as large-as-life as Lizzo herself.  Her hair was so stunning, I swear I thought it was a crown at first.

Black hair certainly had a starring role on the red carpet as well, from Tessa Thompson’s insanely long braid (she was carrying a WHIP to complete her outfit RIP all wlw) to Lupita’s impressive afro with its many golden combs.  I adored Danai Gurira’s hair and especially loved her Oscar Wilde-inspired outfit: here is a woman who understands her brief and works from it to great effect, and I loved Keiynan Lonsdale’s gorgeous hair and butterfly gown – seeing him embracing his queerness with both arms since Love, Simon led him to come out has made my heart big.

I can’t move on from the black dominance and excellence of the night without mention of two of my favourite looks: Zendaya and Lena Waithe.  If Billy Porter is the king and there are too many queens to count, then Zendaya stands out yet again as the living, breathing princess of the lot of them. I can hear the white tears over black girl magic Cinderella from here.  She arrived in a whole Cinderella dress that expanded and glows from within, a pumpkin-carriage purse and her own fairy godmother to transform her with a little bibbity-bobbity-boo?  She even lost her damn glass slipper on the stairs. A true artist.  As they say in the LGBT+ community: um, wig.

Speaking of which: Lena Waithe.  The lesbian icon herself, who showed up to last year’s Catholic-themed Met Gala in a pride flag cape, and who went hell for leather this year as well, putting every man in a tux to shame by not only out-classing them in how fantastic she looked in her lilac suit, but also paying homage to the origins of camp, with the back of her jacket boldly stating “Black Drag Queens Invented Camp” and the pinstripes on the suit actually being cleverly displayed lyrics to iconic drag queen songs.  She really Did That yet again and I’m knocked dead.

This review is already long as hell and it’s about to get longer because there are more looks that I want to mention.

First of all: Lady. Fucking. Gaga.  My girl did four outfits on the pink carpet in the space of 15 minutes and holy shit did she kill it.  Starting out in a voluminous hot pink ballgown, followed by a more sedate but still impressive black one with a matching umbrella, then down to a slim hot-pink number, huge sunglasses, and statement telephone, and finally ending up in an iconic mesh and underwear set, all while sporting the most gorgeous gold false eyelashes that made the whole thing pop.  The creativity and flair of everything Gaga does has made her iconic throughout the years and this event was no exception.

Ezra Miller FUCKED IT UP. Pinstripe suit with the sweeping train, glittering cage corset on top and a myriad of imitation eyes all over his face, carrying an eerie mask of himself on a stick?  Phenomenal.  The confidence in his walk as he moved and the way he displayed his look was so striking and seeing him own it so much made my night.

I loved Jordan Roth’s take on Billy Porter’s wings, allowing him to show up as a literal whole theatre. I loved Ryan Murphy’s sparkling pink champagne tux and high-collared cape.  Florence Welch absolutely slayed in her glittering wing-collared cloak.

However, one of the standout looks for the night was Hamish Bowles.  The embodiment of camp, with that magnificent fur-trimmed patterned cape. The look is absolutely dominating even when he’s standing still, and when he moves, the whole thing comes alive. Watching some of the dynamic shots taken of him having fun with his outfit, I felt like I was watching a bullfighter in a lion’s mane – and all of that is good.  I can’t quite put my finger on why I felt he looked like a fabulous Mrs Doubtfire (maybe it’s the shoes) but the outfit was one of the best and definitely set a bar that so many men fell short of.

Final Words:

Can someone please tell cishet men to step their game up?  Or men in general (I see you Frank Ocean and James Charles letting the damn side down)?  They can stay boring if they want, however.  The rest of us will be having far more fun without them, and the plain black tuxes certainly are no talking point of the evening.

[peaches-of-1]

BTS Demon AU: 666 So Fresh- Chapter 7

Chapter Warnings: Drinking an unknown substance

Pairing: Taehyung x Zula (OC) x Yoongi

< Previous | Next >

Related aesthetics: Character type | Outfits

This would be their first big party since Awakening. Before all that, however, Yoongi saw how dangerous Zula’s uncontrolled powers could be. She could literally suck the air out of the room with her wind-based powers. That’s why the three were standing in the middle of the desert and she was wearing knee and elbow pads.

“You don’t even have my same powers, so how are you going to teach me how to use them?” Zula yelled to Yoongi.

The men were standing a few yards away as not to feel the brunt of her attacks. She was already strong on her own. They saw that when her anger was targeted towards Jungkook. If Yoongi hadn’t put them into Hiding, the car alarms would’ve gone off and brought so much unnecessary attention. Since doing this would ultimately make her even stronger, they didn’t want to be anywhere near the source...aka her.

Yoongi yelled back, “Most powers have similar technique. Strong emotions. Tap into them and see if you can turn your powers on and off.”

Zula looked at her hands and scratched her exposed thigh, her shawl fringe tickling it. “How am I supposed to do that?”

The man shrugged, “I don’t know! They’re your feelings!”

“You’ve got this, jagi!” Tae yelled, sitting on the roof of the car. “I know you can do it! Fighting!”

She giggled and felt a bit lighter, like literally.

“Zuzu, snake!” Yoongi pointed near her feet.

A blast of air left her palm and attacked the bare ground. No snake, but a shallow hole where it would have bin. Her hand was now red and scaly with black talons. It made her jump back out of surprise even as the claws and scales receded into a regular human hand once more.

“My...my hand! It--! What the fuck was that?”

“That’s your true form. Those are also why I grabbed your hands before that Jungkook boy could catch them. Now,” Yoongi told her to think of a strong negative or positive feeling.

Tae did the same as he played with his own hands, imagining some element sprouting from his fingertips. He had so many negative feelings. None of them were strong anymore. As for positive feelings, only one: Her. He loved her. A spark lit between his fingers when he snapped.

Zula felt her feet lift off the ground. This was what she had imagined love to feel like all her life which was odd because that was exactly what feeling she used.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked with a gummy smile at her levitation.

She looked at them, “You guys, how much I love you two despite how short we’ve known each other. It’s different types of love, but still.” She gasped when she saw Taehyung on the car, flame coming out of his fingers. “Wow, Tae!”

He smiled and Yoongi looked back, also surprised. “Fast learners! That’s great! Now, let’s see if you can weaponize it. Both of you, arim for that tree.”

Tae tried hard to aim for the designated tree but couldn’t get more than a five inch flame to escape his grasp. As for Zula, only a hard wave of wind emanated from her body instead of a focused blast like before. Was it because she added pain to the mix of feelings that kept her afloat? Either way, the pulse knocked Taehyung off the car. She flinched as he fell to the ground, making her return to Earth as well.

He laughed and dusted off his mullet. Yoongi decided that was enough training for the day, and  thought it best to start getting ready for Hoseok’s club tonight. They drove home and Zula asked why Tae had two powers, immortality and fire. The full blooded Hell Spawn told her that demons had layers of abilities. There were some that could be honed from an outside source like the elemental aspects. Others could not like his Sight and Tae’s inability to die.

That meant she had another power or a couple of other powers still untapped inside of her. Zula was excited to see what it would be.

Taehyung wore baggy jeans and a large patchwork denim jacket over a white t-shirt. Yoongi pulled on light colored ripped jeans and a yellow dress shirt. He completed the look with a black ribbon tie under the collar. It was a sunny thing to wear, but the bright color fit his mood. He was happy to have these two lost kids around him. Experiencing all sorts of discovery with them warmed his stone heart. He had bleached his hair today as well, the smell still lingering in the bathroom.

Zula wore a pink nightie-like Prada dress with pink feathers on the hem along with sheer pink stockings. She pulled her hair into two cornrows and Tae picked a floral bucket hat to complete his look. He was still shocked sometimes when he saw that lipstick no longer existed on the many mirrors of his home.

Getting into the club was easy since Yoongi seemed to know everyone. Once at the bar, Zula was going to order something normal, but the new blonde wasn’t having any of it. He requested a pink sparkling concoction for the three of them. She eyed it suspiciously.

“C’mon, Zuzu. It even matches your outfit.”

Tae watched as the glitter swirled around the fancy heart shaped glass, “If you try it, I will.”

On the count of three, they all took a sip of the mystery mix. The drink was sweet and almost like soda. It felt like it was bubbling through every vein in their bodies instead of headed straight to the stomach. A sour put pleasant tinge was the aftertaste on their tongues. It wasn’t bad, so they ordered another round.

Soon all of them were on the dance floor, music moving through them like a trance. Zula raged and closed her eyes as she danced between her two boys. Yoongi had a whole bottle of the sparkling pink elixir in his hand and downed it every once in a while. A random girl with short purple hair was her current dance partner.

Their arms held each other close as they giggled like the shy sapphics they were. The girls shared kisses whenever they felt like it. Zula couldn’t remember the last time she had been so flirty with another female. She was cute and a Hell Spawn from Lust’s layer. Her eyes were a twinkling pink. They shared another smooch when a strange pulse suddenly stopped Zula’s movements. Her eyes started to glitter. She could feel it. Zula turned her head and met glowing purple ones that looked at her from across the room.

Zula was intrigued, so she kissed the blue haired demon one last time, “Catch you later, beautiful.” and set her free to dance with anyone else who caught her fancy.

It was like he was calling her without words. He sat on the edge of the stage and combed back his raven black hair with fingers sporting a polish just as dark. Sweat was dripping from every part of his body. Clinging to his hair. Zula stopped centimeters away from his face.

He gave her a smirk and then kissed her hand, “Jimin.”

“Zula.” She responded breathlessly.

Jimin stood and wrapped a hand around her waist, “May I have this dance?”

She nodded and held his hand. Jimin’s face was pretty. There were no human words to describe the beauty his angles held. The two slowly rotated in the pulsing beat. He leaned close to her ear in order to be heard above the ruckus.

He caressed her chin, “You don’t see many Demi Spawn in a place like this without supervision, but I’m glad that I found someone like me to dance with.”

“Someone like you?” She asked.

He chuckled, “Can’t you smell it? The human blood mingled with the beautiful poison of demonic ichor? Take a deep breath.”

Zula inhaled deeply and smelled it, the scent that belonged to her mother. Sweet and kind, innocent but not ignorant. It was the same as her classmates. Her teachers. Everyone she knew growing up. It was mingled with something dark. Purple, rich. The demon side of things. It was slightly familiar but very different than anything she had ever smelled before.

“Wow.” Zula breathed. “I’ve never experienced something like that before. I didn’t know I could do that.”

“Really? How recently were you Awakened?” His voice was beautiful and strong and soft like a song that you learned long ago.

“Four days ago.”

Jimin chuckled, resting his forehead on her shoulder, “I apologize, but that’s amazing. It explains why it was so easy to get you over here, though.”

Zula hummed slightly, “What about you? When did you know you were half of Hell?”

“Since I was born. My mother was beautiful and from Vanity. She took pride in herself as well as her family. Very strict about how we presented ourselves.”

“I’ve just realized this now, but it was my father who was from Lust. I thought it would be my mother. It explains why he had so many ‘friends’ when I was little. Taught me how to dress and how not to take shit from anyone.”

He smiled, “I like you already, Zula. However, since you’re new, I guess you don’t know how to Charm like other Lusties.”

She shook her head, “Nope.”

“Want me to teach you?”

As soon as he said this, Zula’s body started to heat up. She closed her eyes. It almost felt like she was on fire. Her breath got shallow. There was a second when her eyes fluttered open to see a shocked look on Jimin’s face.

“What?” She asked.

“You stopped me.” He smiled. “Your powers are more instinct based. I apologize, but I was trying to feed on you since I thought it’d be easy. I’m really glad I was wrong.”

Zula scoffed and cupped his cheek, “Maybe ask permission next time.”

Jimin shook his head, “There’s no way I’m doing that again. You are too strong.”

She laughed, and he held her tighter. Her stocking covered thigh making contact with his tight leather pants. It was this moment when Zula realized she had no idea where the other boys were.

“I should go. I came here with friends and should get back to them.”

“That you should, but aren't I better than whoever they are?”

“Of course!” Zula said without thinking and then kissed his cheek. “I will come back tomorrow. I hope I can see you again.”

Jimin said that she would and let her go. As Zula left, she suddenly felt like she had snapped out of a trance. She stumbled a bit when she felt her head. Yoongi said Tae had gone to the bathroom but had been gone for a while. The two went to the stalls and called out for him.

He made a noise and the door opened. He appeared to be peeing but was just slowly pouring a bottle of something.

“I’ve been standing here for 10 minutes. It doesn't become empty.”

Zula took the bottle from him and took a few gulps. She then gave the bottle to Yoongi and slammed her lips into Tae who happily accepted the taste of pink lipstick and sweat and cherry chapstick.

“You taste like that girl you were making out with earlier.” He growled between kisses.

Zula smiled and was going to ask Yoongi if he wanted to join, but he was gone. The two continued to make out in the bathroom stall until they passed out on the floor. Yoongi woke them up by nudging them with his boot.

His face had red, blue, and dark red smudges on it. “Hey, love birds, let’s get going. I’m ready to go.”

They nodded and stood. Since they were demons at a demon bar, they wouldn't get hangovers. Taehyung had makeup smeared all over him as well. Scratches as well. Yoongi smiled at them.

“Ah, to be young again.”

[chocopalustre]

are U interested in reading my final paper for a course on Queer Literature and Theory? do u like lesbians? are u curious about lesbian sexuality in pornography? do u need a good sassy laugh?

look no further than right under this cut!!!

Content Warning: This essay contains sensitive content discussing sexually explicit material.

Tribadism: Lesbian Bump and Grinding. (Definition courtesy of Urban Dictionary)

“Hey, Kylee, how do lesbians have sex?” I pause for a moment, trying desperately not to roll my eyes. With a deadpan expression, I hold up two victory signs with my fingers and mash them together. “We scissor each other, of course.” I let a few seconds pass, taking in their look of bewilderment, before I crack a sardonic smile. I was joking of course. Every good lesbian knows that scissoring isn’t actually a real thing. Scissoring is what straight men think they see women doing in lesbian porn, opening their legs and criss-crossing them together in a cutting motion. Fake lesbians scissor. Sophisticated lesbians trib.

Of course, it took me a while to learn this. Like many other queer youth, I struggled to squeeze out any information in regard to lesbian sex out of the public sex education system. What choice did I have but to stumble across some poorly-made erotic content on the Internet? (Many choices, in fact, but I didn’t know that then.) Much of my knowledge about how two women have sex together without a man initially came from this exploration, shortsighted and misrepresented as it was. But now that I am a Real Adult Lesbian, I am interested in Real Adult Lesbian Sex. As such, I want to move beyond the question of what lesbian sex is and instead examine how pornographic sex represents the lesbian community. What better way to explore this idea than to return to my original Sapphic-inclined childhood investigation… porn on the Internet!

I was a naïve child, so of course I didn’t know that the lesbian porn I was viewing has a specific name: Ersatz porn. Ersatz porn is the term used to describe “girl-on-girl” pornography made by the straight man, for the straight man. And it is this porn that inflames the hearts of indignant female feminists everywhere, including my own. So imagine my surprise upon discovering that sometimes these fake lezzys fueled a fire in my loins as well. How was I supposed to reconcile this?

The 3 P’s: Penetration, Pleasure, and Pussy Shots

Everything I hate about lesbian porn made for men’s consumption comes to the tip of my tongue instantly- pun not intended. First, there are the fingernails. Every performer has an obscenely long, pointed, hot pink $40 set of acrylics. If you buy into the longstanding and dodgy myth of nail length indicating whether a woman is gay, then the 1-inch kitty claws on the screen in front of you are a dead giveaway: She isn’t a lesbian, and the girl she’s fucking isn’t enjoying it. I myself have a love-hate relationship with the nail clipper, often keeping my nails longer (a reasonable length, of course), but I can definitively say that the prospect of somebody scratching up my vulva with those talons, pretending it’s pleasurable… Needless to say, not my kind of thing. Unfortunately, these pricey manicures are least of our worries.

Ersatz porn has only one audience in mind: Men. And every straight man knows that women, lesbian or not, just want a dick. This isn’t about her pleasure, it’s about his. And by involving aggressive sucking and fucking with a strap-on, the male viewer can identify with the woman wearing it on screen. Her purpose is to simply act as a placeholder for a male body. For some odd reason, men still seem to think that women easily get off on penetration alone, so it’s not surprising that there is little clitoral stimulation in girl-on-girl porn. These poor guys don’t know any better. But us lesbians know the truth: The clit is the shit. Dildos and vibes all have their place in the bedroom for dykes, but the end-goal of it all is arousal and orgasm, not a penis. Unfortunately, the sole attention on penetration means that the best these pseudo-lesbians can get are pseudo-orgasms (not that many viewers would be able to tell the difference).

I was happy to discover that I am not the only one curious about other queer women’s take on “lesbian” porn; in an exploratory experiment performed by Todd Morrison and Dani Tallack, a small group of lesbian and bisexual women were interviewed after viewing scenes from both Ersatz porn and lesbian-created lesbian porn. They discussed what they saw the films representing in terms of lesbian identity. Viewers noted that the women having sex in the girl-on-girl scenes didn’t appear to enjoy it at all; there was no genuine emotion nor any interest in pleasing one another. One viewer remarked, “Yeah, this didn’t look very physical … She could have been reading the paper while the girl was banging her.” When one girl fingers or goes down on her partner, she rarely looks up to make eye contact. It’s all very detached, and the pained expressions on their faces accompanied by high pitched whines seem less like the result of a good fucking and more of a “God when the hell is this gonna be over” response.

The male gaze is all about those close-up shots of the genitalia, which is sort of confusing to me because as much as they want to see it, they don’t seem to worship our labia as much as their local dyke does. The objectification and exploitation of the female body is at work, a key instrument in the misogynistic toolbox designed specifically for mainstream heteronormative pornographic orgasms. Let’s pull out the hammer then, shall we? Our good friend penetration makes yet another appearance, often combining hardcore fucking with restraint practices—whether it’s steel handcuffs or a rough pair of hands clenched tightly around wrists. In and out, in and out, we see the pink dildo pounding into a pussy, and rarely does the camera stray from this scene to her face, essentially detaching female pleasure from the action of penetration. She is reduced to an object in which the only use is a hole to be fucked. The penetrator then forces the body below her to slobber and choke all over the dildo, hissing out abusive and demeaning remarks: “Your dirty little fucking pussy likes to take this big fucking cock, doesn’t it? Dirty little slut.”

Pornhub gratuitously offers up tons of content like this. Just look at “TSA Agents Engage in Lesbian BDSM! (Part 2).” (Don’t worry, I took the liberty of analyzing the scene to pull out its most ridiculous parts so you don’t have to.) Here we have a busty blonde TSA agent watching two naked women sixty-nine on a table with a bright light shining down on them… very reminiscent of a visit to the doctor’s office—minus the sex.[1] The blonde doesn’t engage in any physical contact while the other two are going at it and instead looks on with a forced smile of pleasure. Then we have the painfully slow zoom in on the JUICY WET PUSSY. There was also a gun involved, just in case you forgot this was porn made for men; nothing screams heterosexual masculinity like pointing an armed weapon at a woman’s head while you fuck her. And finally, how could we forget the infamous double dildo scene? It’s very important to show that every hole is filled by a phallus. If we zoom our male gaze out a bit to take in the whole body, I fear what we see is not much better than these money shots.

Being Butch and BDSM

Let me just lay this on the table now: I am a hyper-feminine queer woman. I am all too familiar with comments like, “But you’re so pretty?!” or “I never would have guessed…” when a straight person finds out that, yes, I am in fact queer as fuck. My love for glitter, killer eyeliner, and an overall hatred of pants puts me at the unwanted mercy of male attention. Even among the queer community, I feel the need to loudly announce my presence; I’m here, I’m queer, and you can shove your misguided compliments on my “straight” appearance right up your ass. One would think then that I enjoy the performers in mainstream porn, that I would laud them for actively combating femme invisibility. The problem is that a) because of this “representation” men think feminine-appearing lesbians are really just college chicks experimenting and having threesomes before running into the muscular arms of someone with a real penis and b) it simply doesn’t turn me on. Where are the butch ladies? Perhaps my biggest beef with Ersatz porn is that I feel it actually does a disservice to representing lesbians, even my fellow femmes. Representation is only good if it is appropriately and accurately diverse, and Ersatz porn is decidedly not. Sure, the hair color may change and maybe one of them has double Ds while the other has Cs, but other than that… Femmes aren’t flat and they’re certainly not fat.

Returning to the interviews, the participants noted that the bodies in Ersatz porn reflected society’s expectation for straight women, even if they were supposed to be lesbians. Even more unsettling, the performers look less like women and more like girls. Straight men seem to think that college freshmen have the time, energy, and money to maintain a perfectly hairless physique. To loosely quote the response of a previous professor of mine to a male partner who wanted her pubic hair shaved: “Why? Do you like to fuck little girls?” Proportionally, their appearances are reminiscent of the old school Barbie doll: slim waist, young face, and huge boobs. Women, lesbian or otherwise, come in all different shapes and sizes, but it seems that these straight male viewers have yet to catch on to that. Difficult enough is it to accept that two women can get sexual satisfaction without a man, they’ll be damned if she’s fat or has short cropped hair! The performers’ bodies appear to be the biggest difference between mainstream lesbian porn and porn produced and made specifically for queer women.

There is one specific butch body that comes to mind within the mainstream sphere, however: Lily Cade. Now, I have my own gripes with Cosmopolitan magazine. Their advice essentially boils down to “here’s why you’re single and sad, so let us show you how to be sexy in order to catch a man and fulfill your meaning in life!” Any articles that mention identities outside the normative are riddled with misinformation and operate only as a way to clickbait intersectional feminists into reading them. Needless to say, my initial reaction to their article titled “What It’s Really Like to Be a Lesbian Porn Star” was dismissive at best. However, upon looking at the photo of the petite, jean jacket-wearing woman with choppy ginger hair and heavily lined eyes underneath the title, I knew I recognized her and couldn’t resist giving the article a read. (Like I said, fucking clickbait.) Cosmo names Lily Cade the exception to the rule that most girl-on-girl porn stars are actually straight. Before her career really kicked off, Cade described herself as a butchy lesbian with a little bit of baby fat. She struggled to convince directors to give her a chance because her appearance didn’t fit what mainstream porn was selling. Cade then lost 40 pounds, got a tan, and revamped her sexy lingerie in order to break through the business. So how does a real dyke feel producing Ersatz porn?

Cade admits that sparking chemistry on set with the straight women she performs with is one of the most difficult parts of her job. Interestingly enough, Cade criticizes girl-on-girl porn because it’s not meant for female viewers, that the overall the performance is “fake on every level.” Although she weaseled her way into the business by adjusting her look, she doesn’t necessarily think that she performs the way that everybody else in Ersatz porn does. Cade strives for authenticity; she makes an effort to connect with the women so that they can perform a real sex scene. Cade comments, “You don’t have to make love to me, you don’t have to even touch me. Just let me fuck you, and I’ll get you off, and you’ll like it.” But how is it that a lesbian performer can engage in the content she criticizes? Indeed, this is a point of contention for many people involved in queer porn. Lily Cade has come to acquire the label of “sell-out” among the queer underbelly of the mainstream. The changes Cade made that brought her success in the mainstream industry only resulted in derision in the realm of queer pornography. Already a sort of niche business, Indie queer pornographers could have used another butch body to represent and pleasure us lesbians out here. To turn your back on your community and play pretend for the straight team? Unthinkable. Worse yet is the fact that, of all venues, her outlet for public exposure was Cosmo magazine.

But who are we to say that Cade isn’t having authentic sex? After all, she is still a lesbian. And her attitude toward her work certainly seems gay to me; she maintains a high level of enthusiasm and a devotion to performing sex with her female colleagues. For the lesbians that do stumble across her work within the mainstream sphere, Cade is putting out content that is more accessible and relatable for them. Her apparent conformity does not mean she is suddenly no longer a queer woman. In response to criticisms, Cade says that she’s “chosen to create a look that is accessible to a more mainstream audience, but is undeniably a lesbian look… I don’t see myself as a sell-out; I see myself as subversive.” And to all of the straight male viewers of her work, Lily Cade has a message: “I’m showing them how a real dyke does it.”

When the butches do come out to play, they star disproportionately in the BDSM genre, especially in mainstream porn. So even though I want to see the bodies I’m attracted to, I’m caught in a catch-22 situation: Yes, the butches exist, but often only in circumstances involving extreme violence and submission. That isn’t to say that BDSM isn’t arousing. In fact, BDSM relies on domination, bondage, sadism, and masochism as a turn-on for viewers. What I’ve found, though, is that in mainstream porn BDSM is performed in a male heterosexual context rather than a lesbian context. Another Pornhub gem, “Strapon Women Who Fuck Better Than Men – 5,” exemplifies this concept. The video is a thirty-minute compilation of strap-on fucking with butch women doing most of the labor. The content and title combined appear to give us lesbians the recognition we deserve. However, it opens with a quote: “By far, one of the most popular fantasies women have is being the man for one night, literally. That’s right, I’m referring to a strap on penis.” In wearing this sex toy, a lesbian is suddenly transformed into a heterosexual man; it’s clear that the butch body still acts less as a queer woman and more as the placeholder for the male viewer.

Abuse and objectification of the female body also is heightened to suit the male gaze. Hair is pulled violently back as she extends one of her legs straight in the air so that our view of the dick is not obscured. It does not matter that these inorganic, acrobatic positions are not pleasurable nor conducive to sex; penetration and the role of the penis is the primary focus. There is little clitoral stimulation involved, the scenes are rough and more demanding than pleasurable, and the strap-on is glorified as the Sub is made to perform a blowjob for the Dom.[2] Finally, one of my personal favorite scenes—a long-haired femme being pounded against a weight rack, her tennis shoes still on. How did she get her clothes off without taking those bulky sneakers off? It doesn’t matter, these women are making gains at the gym, appealing to the Frat boy’s favorite pasttime. In the end, it seems you have two options to choose from when it comes to Ersatz porn: Watch a threesome between Sorority girls experimenting with lesbian sex for the first time through a hazing ritual, or watch a (still pretty feminine) butch relentlessly subjugate a dubiously consenting hyper-feminine girl and not even pretend to enjoy it.

Advertising and Authentic Arousal

Obviously, then, queer porn is much better at depicting authentic lesbian relationships than Ersatz porn… Or is it? My knee-jerk response would be to let out a loud, defiant YES! OF COURSE IT IS! It’s far easier to find what you are into when perusing the realm of queer porn—even if getting access to it is much more difficult in the first place. Unlike mainstream lesbian porn, which you can find in abundance uploaded on sites like Pornhub or xHamster, queer-produced porn often does not find its way out beyond access to those who pay for it. But when you do find it, you’ve hit the Sapphic jackpot. Performers vary from the familiar femmes to chubby dykes, from chapsticks to stone butches and trans women. The scenes are often more believable because of the bodies in them; they are diverse and range in size, echoing many a lady-lover’s desire to appreciate all parts of all women. The women in Morrison’s study noted that the performers were often much older, “not like they had pubic hair a week ago,” and that “they had marks on their bodies, like stretch marks and stuff. They weren’t perfect.” Not only do the bodies reflect a diverse array of lesbians in terms of style and age, they are also more realistic because of their “imperfections.” These are the same flaws that are quickly airbrushed and implanted away in the mainstream sphere. However, nail length still seemed to be an issue, and what the women lacked in a perfect figure they made up for with the heavy use of makeup, accessories, and perfect hairdos. It seems that no matter who it’s for, pornography still has a certain aesthetic of ideal beauty to maintain.[3]

Bodies aside, what about content? When a butch straps on a dildo and fucks her hot femme girlfriend, are the underlying themes really so different from Ersatz porn? Even in queer porn, it appears that the strict gender binary has its place. Unfortunately, no matter how exclusive the lesbian club may be, societal expectations of gender roles and expression still exert themselves full force on our bodies. Yet somehow, as queer women, we proclaim that this is still what real lesbian sex is. Whether or not it resembles heterosexual sex is not the point or purpose; the fact of the matter is that these are queer bodies performing queer sex. Theoretically, it does not rely on misogyny the way that porn for heterosexual men does. The performers engage in a subversive and empowering scene where they reclaim their right to their bodies and their sex lives. They are performing with their fellow lesbians in mind, not acting for a male gaze.

When examining how porn produced by lesbian women is advertised for consumers, one thing becomes very clear: We want real sex. In order to draw in their demographic, many queer pornography sites capitalize on the idea of authenticity. A few catchphrases used by CyberDyke.net include: “We depict the sex the way people really have it.” “real fantasies / real orgasms / real lust / real butches / real bodies / real sex.” Well fuck, the site has me sold! I would take CyberDyke’s “porn aimed at real women and lesbians” over Lesbian Cheerleader Squad 2 any day. How do I know that those lesbians are fake? Well, I don’t, really, but I’ve never seen porn aimed at straight men claim that the women are Real Lesbians. Mainstream pornography doesn’t need to affirm the sexualities of their performers because men don’t really care about authentic representation. A title with “TWO HOT WOMEN” in it is just enough and the Kleenex are out. Women wouldn’t be watching their porn, anyways, so what does it matter? Perhaps queer porn is not showing us reality, but rather performing “a fantasy of authenticity.” Pornography is essentially a visual fantasy, and we lesbians dream about a world in which our identities are valid, every woman loves us back, and men aren’t around to fuck it up and exploit our desires. It is that illusion of authenticity which gives queer lesbian porn its allure.

It may come as a surprise to learn that not all lesbians necessarily agree that queer porn is the better porn. Authenticity, it seems, has to do with much more than just a body. In a different set of interviews conducted by Valerie Webber, non-heterosexual women who performed lesbian porn made for men were asked to discuss how their performance related to their sexual orientation. It turns out that many did not believe that they were performing “fake” sex, rather simply adjusting their actions to capture and create what the audience needed. Performing with a woman who was also lesbian-identified did not immediately make the scene the performer’s real sex life, and most agreed that the line between their work and authentic sex was not so clearly defined.

Despite the many quarrels we have with Ersatz porn, lesbian-created lesbian pornography cannot escape our critical eye either. Emotional intimacy makes sex appear authentic; when both women are clearly into each other (not giving weird sultry looks in the male viewer’s camera’s direction), I’m much more likely to be aroused. But intimacy quickly strays into mushy romance in lesbian-created porn. The stereotype that women are more sensual and emotive and thus lesbian relationships would maximize on romantic, loving sexual activity is a key point of criticism in queer porn. I, for one, resent the assumption that any sex I have will be vanilla by default. Some viewers admitted to preferring scenes from Ersatz porn; one remarked that the lesbian-created scene “was completely… boring in every way. The music was boring, the women were boring, the scene was boring, the colors were boring, the film was boring, the camera stayed stationary for Christ’s sake. It was boring.”[4] Another admitted, “Um, you guys are going to think I’m a bad lesbian, but I really like the penetration. It’s hot.” Bad Lesbian Club rejoice! Her guilt echoed my own anxiety at my arousal by certain girl-on-girl porn scenes. But clearly not every dyke is into the same thing, and even content produced by queer creators can fall prey to harmful stereotypes.

Not all lesbian porn is quite so corny, of course. Vanilla can be a pleasant no doubt, but as one viewer noted, “Let’s get it really raunchy sometime.” When some of us come out of the closet, we bring along some of our more hardcore desires—whips, sturdy ropes, ball gags, and leather collars. BDSM has long played a role in the lesbian community, and its prominence in lesbian-created pornography adds to the supposed authenticity of the performance. However, as Julie Levin Russo points out in her article, “’The Real Thing’: Reframing Queer Pornography for Virtual Spaces,” it is the “mobilization of recognizable markers of dyke subculture (e.g. butch bodies, tattoos and piercings, fetish attire)” that feed into stereotypes about what being a lesbian is really like. Needless to say, not all queer women participate in or identify with these things. Although butch bodies help clue viewers into what porn is made for them, their representation is still almost exclusively present in the realm of BDSM. Themes of dominance are associated with masculinity, thus reflected in butch-heavy scenes of punishment and orgasm denial. After assessing my pleasure at certain penetration scenes in girl-on-girl porn, now I must question why I can so easily accept porn as made for my fellow lesbians through the mere presence of a butch body. It may seem more authentic to me, but for other queer women, perhaps the message they’re receiving is that certain characteristics—both in your relationship and your physical appearance—must be present in order to be real lesbian.

Reaching the Climax

Some would say that the question of authenticity is irrelevant because the purpose of pornography is to reflect viewers’ fantasies. How necessary is it to be real lesbians having sex? Why does it matter if most people can’t do the splits while they’re being eaten out? But without giving genuine thought to the performers and scenes you show, you run the risk of spreading misinformation about lesbians. Our existence cannot be denied, and failing to consider the impact of homogeneity in porn does a disservice to our very real livelihoods. The ruling is not decisive among women, queer or otherwise, as to which type of pornography is better or worse. My idea of what good porn is does not always match the reality of many queer women in the world; everybody has a different dynamic within their relationship, after all. Ultimately, though, there are definitely some things I could live without. (I’m glaring back at you, male gaze.)

[1] Doctor settings are actually quite a common scene in mainstream porn; straight men seem to have this idea that going to the gynecologist is hot. Because having my OBGYN shove a speculum up my vaginal canal is totally a turn-on, right?

[2] I’m still not sure how either party would get any personal pleasure out of choking on a silicone cock… but then again, butches are really just women who want to be men, remember?

[3] It’s not like we sweat during sex or accidentally choke on our girlfriend’s perfectly curled hair or anything.

[4] A 70-minute sex film set to classical music with zero dialogue wouldn’t be particular titillating for me, either.

Works Cited

Morrison, Todd G. and Dani Tallack. “Lesbian and Bisexual Women’s Interpretations of Lesbian and Ersatz Lesbian Pornography.” Sexuality & Culture, vol. 9, no. 2, Spring2005, pp. 3-30.

Russo, Julie Levin. “‘The Real Thing’: Reframing Queer Pornography for Virtual Spaces.” In Jacobs, Katrien & Janssen, Marije & Pasquinelli, Matteo. “C’Lick Me: A Netporn Studies Reader.” Jan. 2007.

“Strapon Women Who Fuck Better Than Men – 5.” Pornhub, 2016, https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph577e65b319a02.

“TSA Agents Engage in Lesbian BDSM! (Part 2).” Pornhub, October 2017, https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59ccece3078ca.

Webber, Valerie. “Shades of Gay: Performance of Girl-On-Girl Pornography and Mobile Authenticities.” Sexualities, vol. 16, no. 1/2, Jan. 2013, pp. 217-235.

Wischhover, Cheryl. “What It’s Really Like to Be a Lesbian Porn Star.” Cosmopolitan. 2 Mar. 2016.

[shrubforhire]

Asks 1-50

i rly Alright strap in i guess,,

What’s your favorite thing about yourself? uhhhhhh,, Im v proud of my ear for music

What’s the best joke you know? Def the one from who’s line "Our top story today: Convicted hit man Jimmy 'Two-Shoes' McClarty confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a knickknack paddy-whack." Colin Mochrie is a fucking god

If you could only have one of your non-canon OTPs become canon, which would it be and why? I want Elanor and Tahani together so bad bitch,,,

What’s your dream vacation? New York!! Seein a bunch of shows and just chillin in the city :)

If you have a girlfriend, what’s the cutest thing she does? If you don’t, what’s something you do that you think is super cute? Oh my goSh theres so much to choose from fuck,, def one of my favs is she will add like tons of disclaimers to stuff before she says it. like if shes asking a question in class she’ll be like “so this is kind of a weird question, and i totally understand if this steps beyond the boundaries of what we’re talking about, but i figured i’d just ask anyways just in case...” oh my god shes so cute 

How do you prefer to spend your free time? MUSIC,, if i can just dick around and cover songs i like,, i am free

What’s a random fun fact that you learned recently? Bamboo is a grass!

When you play truth or dare, do you tend to choose truth or dare? Why I choose truth because I get nervous and once I was playing truth or dare and i had to kiss each of my friends, one on the lips, one by their cleavage, and one on the inner thigh. I did the first 2 and i was so nervous,, prolly cause i was gay as fuck, and right as i was about to put my face right by the vargooba i was saved by god because my nose started bleeding and i had to go inside,,,,,,,, lmao

What’s your favorite thing about being sapphic? That people assume im not so i can rly surprise em!

Who was your first lady crush? Hayley Williams. Hands down,, bitch

If you’re out, who was the first person you told? The last? (If you aren’t out, who is the first person you want to tell?) I didn’t rly come out ever super officially, so I guess my friend amulet when i told them i had a crush on Hayley Williams like right as I realized it lol.

What scares you the most about the future? The fear that I won’t be happy

Do you have a type? If so, what is it? C o n f i d e n c e also when ppl are really smart and responsible and just have a really good handle on their lives. That sounds rly fucking nerdy. Also when people just go for what they want.

Funniest childhood pet story? When my gerbil died I didn’t realize he was dead, and i was so surprised that he didnt run away when i opened his cage like usual. and he even let me pick him up!! i was like wow!! he’s in such a deep sleep. then i didnt feel his heartbeat and i was like oh fuck. this story isnt really funny oops.

What’s your aesthetic? gay shit,,, either v feminine in a rly hippie portland kinda way

What’s your idea of a perfect date? Have you been on it yet? not 2 flex but i planned the perfect fuckin date. first we went rollerskating and hungout at the arcade that they had there and played games. Then we got lunch at this rly cute market, and then we went on a walk that was strategically timed by me so we would get to this giant hill with a perfect view of the sunset. and i had planted a secret backpack in the trees with a blanket to sit on and another blanket to keep warm. and we got to snuggle & watch the sunset together (and our first kiss was right when the sun hit the horizon eeeeee)

What does your favorite color remind you of? playing the og nintendo ds

Quiet studier or loud studier? loud studier cause i talk to myself lol

Coffee, tea, or energy drinks? tea bih!! coffee and energy drinks make me anxious

What’s your stance on glitter pens? fuckin,,,, love

Do you believe in love at first sight? no, i believe in attraction at first sight, but love is a 2 way exchange

Who knows you the best and how did they get to know you? oh gosh,, its a toss up between stevie isaac and shay. they just fuckin,,, get it. stevie gets it cause we’re almost the same person. and shay and isaac,,,,, i still have no fuckin idea how they picked up so much info abt me so fast,, they both scary observant holy fuck

What’s your favorite question to ask? To answer? I love asking ppl about their partners and just seeing them gush hehe. Uhhh idk, im a whore & i’ll answer any fuckin q ppl ask me cuz it means they’re actually interested in what i have to say which is wild

Do you like camping? I LOVE CAMPING. Ive only gone fake camping where your car is right next to the tent,, but its still so fun!!!!!!!!!!!

Cats or dogs? (Hamster is an acceptable answer) Cogs. Dats

What does your dream house look like? A house that I can afford. And maybe w a balcony and a secret room that opens with the pull of a specific book from my bookshelf

What’s your random, useless superpower? solfeg. i can usually figure out a song in solfeg p fast 

Tell me about the most beautiful thing you can think of right now. my girlfriend

If you could only hear three songs for the rest of your life, what would they be? Masterpiece Theater III Haunted House  She’s a handsome woman

What’s the most stereotypical gay thing you do?? (Besides being attracted to women) keysmash

If you could time travel without any negative consequences, would you? Would you change anything? I would retake the SATs lol

What were you most afraid of as a child? Are you over that fear? Dying. not rly lol,,,, what happens to ur brain bro?? will all my memories from this life be gone???? wtf bro

Favorite mythical creature? i rly love mermaids,,,, and sirens

Have you ever dyed your hair an “unnatural” color? Would you? i havent,, if i didnt do theatre my hair would already be lavendar lmao

What’s your favorite book? invisible man

If you could live inside one fictional world, what would it be? pokemon

Most embarrassing story? theres so many,,,, oh my god. prolly when i was chillin in bed with this girl i was dating and then i got super bad period cramps and threw up in her bathroom and my mom had to drive me home in case i fainted,,,,,, i have not seen her since

Proudest moment? making my boss double over laughing 

What’s the most comforting smell you can think of and what does it remind you of? garlic,,,,, it means moms cookin :’)

Do you like fluff or angst more? oh my god i love fluff so much,,,, hhhh

What’s the last thing that made you smile? this short lil dog i saw at work,,,,, so kind

What’s the first thing that draws you to a person? (Romantic or platonic or both) c o n f i d e n c e

Your favorite place to be kissed? fuckin,, anywhere,,,,,,,,,,,,,im a v sensitive person

What’s your opinion on zoos? they’re kinda boring tbh,, 

Do you have any siblings? Are you close? i got 2 bros,, we have a good relationship but we dont hangout a lot

Did you have a favorite movie that you would watch over and over as a child? What was it? the year without a santa claus just for the miser brothers

Do you have any tattoos? If not, do you want any? If so, what are they?

What’s your go-to hairstyle? spaaaaace bunsssssss

What’s your favorite flower? it’s not a flower,, technically its a flowering shrub,,,, but i love hydrangea. the color changes based on the pH!! how fuckin cool is that shit??

Are you the first person to fall asleep at a sleepover or the last? Or somewhere in between? somewhere in the middle lol,, never first.