#it's like how people have pointed out how willows dads didn't want her in the plant track

[dazeddoodles]

About the last post. I remember thinking how weird it was for witch parents to name their child "Raine", since in the Boiling Isles rain is dangerous and can hurt you. (It gives the same vibes as Wybie from Coraline being named "Whyborn")

But then I realized that maybe that wasn't their birth name, maybe Raine chose that name when they transitioned. Which means that baby Raine basically named themselves the witch version of "Acid". No wonder Eda thought they were so cool

[thebearer]

I know u have a billion requests but I'm dying fir a carmy x reader where she goes into labor

i have one here with willow but i'll write a first time one too with teddy!

Carmen knew it was coming soon, which is why he hovered. Why he rarely let you be alone, the thought of him missing it or something happening made him sick. Tina and Sugar both told him it was a long process, there's no way he'd miss it, but he was still anxious. Worried about a lot of things, thoughts that kept him up at night. Would he be a good dad? Would the birth go ok? What if something happens to the baby? What if something happens to you? What if he gets in a wreck on the way home? What if the baby died in her sleep?

Thoughts that had him throwing up all hours of the night. Your morning sickness was traded in for his own, worrying himself to the point he was sure he had an ulcer.

The phone rang, a Tuesday in August. Still sunny and warm, but with the golden glow that hinted fall was coming soon. Carmen was so busy, trying to approve the new seasonal menu, and for a moment his mind had slipped of all those anxieties. Until he heard your voice.

"I think I'm in labor."

"You think?" Carmen barked, harsher than he meant it to, a wave of guilt flooding over him. "What-What-What do you mean think? Are you ok?"

"Well, my water just broke." You frowned, looking at the puddled under your swollen belly. You paused, a hesitation laying thick in the air between the two of you over the line. "I think it's time."

Carmen was a wreck, swerving and punching the gas in and out of Chicago traffic to get the the brownstone, parking up on the sidewalk, HOA be damned.

You were calm, eerily calm to him, as he threw your bags, all your birthing things into the car, carefully helping you in. "Fuck!" Carmen huffed, hitting his horn for the third time in five minutes.

You gripped the side of the door, trying to breathe like your birthing coach taught you. "Carmy, please." You sighed, regulating your own heart rate. "Stop honking at people before we get shot."

"I'm just... Fuck, you know you think these fuckers would see hazard lights on and move, but everyone's so goddam stupid-"

"Carmen," You grabbed his hand lightly, thumb gliding over his inked fingers calmly. "Just relax. I haven't even really started having contractions, ok? We'll have time." How was it you were in labor and you were the one comforting Carmen? He felt like a jagoff, could practically hear Mikey and Richie's chorusing voices calling him that.

"I'm sorry." Carmen muttered, slumping back into the seat. "I'm just... I'm really fuckin' scared." His knee bounced, hand twitching towards the Spirit's in the center console. It was muscle memory, to reach for the cigarettes when he was anxious. He chose the gum instead, trying his best to cut back for when the baby was here. In case she'd have asthma or something else, and he just didn't want to teach her bad habits.

He wanted to be better. Be better.

Sometimes he wondered if his parents ever had ambitions like that. To be better, do better for their kids. If they did, they didn't stick.

"I know you are." You cooed lightly, running a hand through his damp curls, sweat accumulating at his hair line already. "You're gonna be a good dad, you know that?"

"I hope," Carmen smacked the gum with a shake of his head.

"I know." You beamed at him. "You already do so much for her anyways, and she's not even here, Carmy." He didn't say anything, just kept a white knuckled grip on the wheel, his free holding your hand.

"The only thing you'll be bad at is saying no to her, Carm. I already know that. You're too much of a softy." You giggled, poking him lightly in his bicep.

Carmen's lips twitched, the hints of a smile on his lips. You could feel the wave of a contraction, not overwhelming but uncomfortable, squeezing Carmen's hand lightly, shifting in pain. "What? Are you ok? You good?" Carmen's eyes darted from you to the road.

"Just a little contraction. I'm fine." You sighed gently, rubbing your free hand over the spot you could feel Teddy kicking. "They're still pretty spaced out, so we've got a while."

Carmen let out a shuddered breath, lips quipping in a smile. "She's takin' her time, already? We're doomed. She's gonna be just like her Mama. Late for everything."

You gasped, hitting his shoulder lightly. "And here I was being nice to you!" You bit back a smile. "I am not late for everything. I'm on time for the important stuff. Just late for the things I don't want to go to."

"Signing our marriage license?" Carmen lifted a brow. "You didn't want to do that-"

"-No, no, no! You dressed up and I looked like a bum, so I had to get ready!" You countered lightly, jabbing a finger at him.

"I didn't dress up! I wore jeans-"

"-And a nice button down. Not a t-shirt? That's dressing up, Carm, and you know it." You frowned at him. "I had a pair of bike shorts on."

"And you looked hot in them." Carmen grinned, eyes glinting when he looked at you, making you blush, heat rushing to your cheeks and chest. Your own nerves settling, your own what-ifs and fears of giving birth, of being a mother in general.

"Looked better in the dress." Carmen added, lifting your hand to kiss the back of your knuckles. You rolled your eyes lightly, heart fluttering. The white sundress you'd put on, patterned with a floral print but the only white dress you owned, and Carmen had swooned. Flipped it up and fucked you in the back seat after you'd signed it.

"Surprised I didn't get pregnant after that." You grinned, breath hitching at another contraction, dull but stronger this time.

Carmen's eyes cut to yours, thumb running over your knuckles at the pressure. "Can't believe we're having a baby." Carmen muttered, flicking on the turn signal, the hospital in sight.

[tohisprettyc00l]

celebrating your birthday

A/n: It's nowhere near my birthday but whatever

Amity: It's been a while since she's had a real birthday party. She used to get mager ones when she was friends with Boscha. In retrospect that was probably to impress Boscha's parents. But enough about all that it's your big day. And with money (that she totally didn't steal from her mom) she wants to make sure that you have a great birthday. She takes you to any store you want. And then gets you your favorite food.

Luz: She loves birthday parties so much!!! She goes all out. There's a bunch of decorations. And if you like having more people there, all of her friends are there. Which we know is a fucking lot. If you don't want a lot of people that's okay. She buys your favorite cake. You only turn whatever age your turning once. And now I've at least alluded to Boscha two more times than I thought I would.

Willow: She's never been one that likes big crowds. And no matter how many people are on your part she'd feel kind of awkward. So she hosts a party that's just the two of you. On the plus side, it's more special. Also, her dads make you a cake <3.

Hunter: The FUCK is a birthday? Yeah, I think I've made it clear the Empoer's coven and the Empoer himself suck. Like doesn't even know what that word means. But once he finds out he's determined to give you a good one. Despite never being to or having one himself. And it's very all over the place, You have no cake but do have ice cream. Not sure how he managed to mess up the biggest part of the birthday. He's trying okay? Also the number of gifts he good you was absurd.

Vee: She kind of knows what birthdays are. A few kids had them at camp (Which was probably sad as fuck.) So while the general decorations are kinda dull. The gifts are great! Most (affordable) things you want you get. Though there are a few oddballs in there. Like she just got you a straight-up weapon.

Raine: Pretty good birthday. The happy birthday song is 10x more awkward. Because they have a beautiful singing voice. Thankfully they also are an awkward mess when it comes to stuff like that. So they probably won't sing it (if you don't when them to.) All of the gifts they get you are sweet.

Eda: Never trust Eda to throw a party, worst mistake of my life. There are so many different shows and gamed-themed plates it's insane. The presents don't make any sense. Like a book about how to get better at abominations, while your human ass is just sitting there confused as fuck. She starts laughing and then just straight up gives you 250 snails.

Emria: She bakes the cake herself (and almost burns the house down.) She's not great at the whole planning the party thing. But it is still an enjoyable experience! While the wrapping job might have been so bad that you could see the gifts, said gifts were still great. Is her lacking ability in making birthday parties just a her thing or is her mom also at the core of this? I don't know, you decide.

Edric: Dude was stressed. He wanted it to be perfect! But, just like his siblings, he had no clue what to do. I mean he'd had birthdays, but he's not known for excelling. And with his mom being Odaila there was no chance of him getting a proper birthday. Cue the googling! The birthday isn't very extravagant, despite his wealth. But it is a fun time. He did end up getting pin the tail on the donkey. So that's pretty fun.

The Collector: Any chance to throw a party is a chance he'll take! And it was about you? That's twice the fun. He can make you the biggest cake with just a snap of his finger, not sure how good it would taste but that's beside the point. Also, the presents are great, obviously. You guys have stereotypical "girls" birthday parties. You have a slumber party, eat pizza, play truth or dare, and stay up all night.

Lilith: She probably wouldn't do anything major for your party. A slice of a cake and a small gift or two. It's not that she doesn't care about you, she does a lot! She doesn't really celebrate her birthday. (Sorry boys it's not angst this time I just don't think she likes celebrating her birthday.)  That being said, if you want a bigger party she's not totally against the idea. But the only people she has the confidence to ask are Hooty, Luz, and Eda (King probably tagged along.) It's pretty hectic, as all things with the owl family are, but it's honestly the best birthday you've had.

Gus: Gus is almost the biggest overachiever out there (second only to Hunter.) So he's more than excessive. He takes all his past parties and parties he's been to and combines them into one big party. He invited Willow over to make sure it looked okay (bless her and the crap she has to deal with.) She tells Gus in the nicest way possible that you'd probably have a heart attack from all the colors. She quickly helped him fix everything up. When you do come over it's overall presentable. It's a far cry from what Gus had planned but it is chill.

[junespriince]

you know what fuck you! *Yuri your birdflash* au

Wally: Linda! Hartley! Guys I need help!

Linda: what's wrong?

Hartley: is Chris still bothering you? God, he can't take no for an answer!

Wally: not him, those he did try to sit with me in lecture today, but that's besides the point just, ugh just come with me to my apartment!

Kyle, Conner, Hartley, Linda, Ace, and Bart sitting in her living room.

Wally: so Birdie just asked me out on a date—

Kyle: about fucking time.

Wally: shut up Kyle, and listen!

Wally, huffs: anyways, she asked me out on a date, and I don't know what to wear, she said we're going to a thrift store, and then a botanical garden exhibit, and then a dinner at this way to fancy restaurant and I don't want to make more of a fool of myself then I already have, I mean what if I dress to fancy I'll stick out, but if I dress to lower she'll hate me and I'll never see her again and like this was a dream come true she asked me out, if she hate me then we won't build a house together in the forest, adopt a turtle as our child, maybe have a dog too, and we won't wake up together or make bread together or anything! I need you guys to help me here!

Hartley: if she hates you for dressing comfortably then she ain't it then.

Wally: but she's everything! She's smart, beautiful, talented, her eyes are the most beautiful gems I ever seen, her dimples are so cute, and she takes up half my future planning I can't mess this up, please just help a girl out over here! *Staring to tear up*

Kyle: okay, okay we get it! We'll help, stop crying!

Bart: must be real desperate bringing all of us in here to help.

Wally: very! Kori off planet or I'd call her too.

Ace: okay sis, bring out the outfits you have in mind.

Linda: and the shoes! Oh let me get my makeup bag as well, I'll be right back!

Conner: I'll make some tea and look through your hair products, I'm thinking hair down, help shape those curls out, and maybe a cute hair accessory.

Kyle: can I go cunty?

Wally: no! This is the first date! I need to be cute, but rememberable.

Hartley: let me see your closet, when the date?

Wally: in seven hours.

Hartley: a little bit of a challenge but doable.

Bart: I'll make snacks, and I'll have Kon spy on her so we can match her levels!

Wally, about to cry again: oh my god thank you, thank you, thank you!

7 hours later and at Bludhaven's cafe, lesbian owned

Rania ((Urania ))(Dick*), dressed in a cute and nice little blazer moment, in deep green, dress shirt unbuttoned at the top, Sharp but not too sharp makeup, short hair slicked back a bit, tented glasses rest at the edge of her nose and they're red hearts: My little Willow tree, you are right on time, excited for our date to be late? *Soft chuckle, dimples showing*

Wally, long waterfall curls with a cute strawberry headband, that iconic strawberry midi dress, very little makeup Bec we don't cover freckles in this house hold, nervous: very, I-I,,, I didn't want to keep you waiting is all, rainy.

Rania, calm and collective: no worries, *offers arm* let's go, have a busy night ahead of us.

Wally, blushing taking her arm: y-yeah.

Rania, hours before

Rania, holding her brothers, sister, Steph, Barbara, Donna, her dad, the butler, Roy, and Kori hostage in her room: if I don't look stunning for that pretty girl, I will die! I need suggestions and support people!

Jason: why would we want to help you?

Rania: because if I don't impress her, I'm destroying all your books.

Jason:

Jason: I'll get the makeup.

Roy: girl, I don't know how to dress myself the hell you think I can help you here?

Rania: then support me!

Bruce, on the phone: calling Diana, Selena, and Talia as we speak sweetheart.

Alfred: I'll get the outfit Miss Urania.

Rania: thanks, I just,,, I have to make a good impression on her! My future hangs in the balance with her!

Barbara: getting the gel, Damian get Jon to spy on Willow we need these two to match, sapphics love a good match.

Damian: got it. Do you want some tea Urania?

Rania: yes, please, thanks Dami, you're a good kid, and I love you so much, you know that?

Damian, prideful about the praise: of course I do.

Tim: kiss ass

Damian: hate not being the favorite, I see.

Kori: oh, oh, I want to pick out the shoes! Maybe favorite are in your closet right?

Rania: the Church's Burwood Oxford in black or the Church's Fairstead Oxford?

Kori: the first one.

Rania: uh, in the shoes closet, back right wall.

Kori: yay!

Donna: getting the accessories, you want the tinted pink shades or the red?

Rania: red heart ones.

Donna: gotcha.

Stephanie: let me see those outfits Al, I have a vision.

Damian: hope that vision includes strawberries, West is in a strawberry midi dress, whatever that is.

Stephanie: GASP, it does! I could kiss her! Get the green dress suit!

Cass: I'll get it!

Duke: how her make up Damian?

Damian: soft, they're leaving the freckles.

Rania, blushing: they're leaving the freckles,,,,, Dad, tell them to get here fast and call Harley and Ivy and auntie kate we need those two lesbian asap!

Bruce: got it!

Damian: some chamomile tea, and I have some lavender at the ready if you need it, Urania.

Rania: thank you dami, again *kiss his forehead*

Back on the date

Wally, in her head: wow she's so calm, and pretty, oh focus Wally, you don't need to trip!

Rania, in her mind: god she's so pretty, damn I can the wedding, no, no, focus on today damnit!

*but a Romani name I really like for her also I did use behind the name so if it's not right oops I did look into this

[youhavetosmile]

Karedevil (Taylor's Version)

Thanks @kdheaven for the prompt! Apologies for the delay.

The most Karedevil song on each Taylor Swift album, with rationales, according to me:

Debut: Tied Together With A Smile

I think this song encapsulates how both Matt and Karen present the image to others that they have their sh*t together, but on the inside they're really hurting. The second verse really gets me: "I guess it's true that love was all you wanted / 'Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket / But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain / Oh, 'cause it's not his price to pay." You can think of Matt's relationship with Stick and Karen's relationship with her dad this way. I like to think that by the end of the show they each have a more real vision of the other.

Fearless: Come In With The Rain

This feels very post-Defenders/early Season 3 from Karen's POV. At that point, everyone but Karen thinks Matt is dead. She doesn't get any proof of this until several episodes into S3, but she always has that hope. She's also dealing with a lot of complicated emotions toward Matt - she still loves him (obv) but she's also really mad at him and grieving the fact that he's not around. I'm sure even Karen questioned whether Matt was still alive at some point. I can see her going to bed with her window open just in case.

Speak Now: I Can See You

I love @kdheaven's pick of "Sparks Fly" but this one is so spot-on in my mind. I love the irony of the title because Matt is blind but he can "see" Karen in a way no one else can. "And we kept everything professional / But something's changed, it's something I like" fits them, as well as "I can see you being my addiction / You can see me as a secret mission / Hide away and I will stop behaving myself." I love this one for them!

Red: Forever Winter

I think this song is a great musical representation of S3 Karedevil. The facades have fallen and they've gotten to see each other's self-destructive tendencies and said "I love you even at your darkest / And please don't go." "He seems fine most of the time, forcing smiles and never minds" is an apt description of Matt.

1989: You Are In Love

Again, love @kdheaven's pick of "This Love." But the chorus is what really does it for me: "You can hear it in the silence / You can feel it on the way home / You can see it with the lights out / You're in love, true love." 'Nuff said.

reputation: New Year's Day

To me, this song represents Matt and Karen's commitment to support each other, no matter what. Again, all the cards are on the table, and they're still willing to show up for each other, "When you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away...When it's hard or it's wrong or we're making mistakes." The second verse seems particularly applicable as a message from Karen to Matt: "I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe / Or if you strike out and you're crawling home." Daredevil is morally gray, and I'm sure lots of people have lots of different opinions about him. But Karen has always stood by him. Also, New Year's Day is a day typically associated with New York here in the U.S.

Lover: Cruel Summer

This entire song screams Karedevil to me. I think it's particularly applicable to their early relationship, when they're still figuring each other out. There's a lot of feelings there, but it's fragile because it's new and they're hiding so much. "Breakable heaven" indeed. And then there's "He looks up grinning like a devil." ;)

folklore: peace

I'm 100% with @kdheaven on this one. The only thing I can say that they didn't already is that Matt and Karen both have chaos in their souls. This song is basically them saying "Here I am. This is me. Is this enough?" I also really love the "sit with you in the trenches" line for them. They're both willing to get their hands dirty for each other.

evermore: willow

I think this song follows the arc of their relationship really well. The first verse makes me think of their first meeting, when Karen is "rough on the surface" because of the charges leveled against her but Matt "cut through like a knife" and believed she didn't do it when no one else did.

The second verse coincides with when they start dating. They're idolizing each other, seeing each other as "a mythical thing." "Head on the pillow, I can feel you sneaking in" always gives me the image of Matt coming home after a long night of Daredeviling and crawling into bed next to Karen.

Then the last verse: they know the truth and have shown each other "the places where the others gave you scars." I also love the legal references throughout the song: "open-shut case" and "every bait-and-switch was a work of art." I can imagine Karen sitting in the gallery of a courtroom with a huge smile on her face as she watches Matt absolutely kill it.

Midnights: Karma

"Karma is my boyfriend" propels this song to the top of the list. Is there a more fitting description of Matt from Karen's POV? I will die on the hill that Karen was never mad at Matt for being Daredevil. She's always been a fan, even before she knew who Daredevil really was. And after that, her issue was that he didn't tell her. She's always been and, in my opinion, will continue to be proud of him and what he does on both sides of the law.

TTPD: The Albatross

In an effort to not end this post on a super sad note, I'm picking this song (though MBOBHFT is, unfortunately, also fitting). This one has a similar vibe to "peace," though I see this one a little more from Matt's POV than Karen's. Stick taught Matt that relationships are dangerous--for him and for the other person. So he tries to keep everyone at arm's length. Karen ignores all of that. She still loves him, even though she knows who Matt is and that being associated with him is potentially dangerous for her. I hear Matt in the lines "The devil that you know / Looks now more like an angel / I'm the life you chose / And all this terrible danger."

Thanks again to @kdheaven for the opportunity to combine my two obsessions!

[lollytea]

((Part 2 of my La La Land Machine posts!! Introducing Gus!!! And maybe some other guy idk, it's a little unclear.))

((Part 1))

One of the first things Willow does when she learns she will be working alongside Amity Blight is pick her jaw up off the floor, clamp it shut and smile pleasantly.

She is not going to cause a scene. She is not going to throw a tantrum. She is not going to be a source of conflict on this set. Willow is going to keep her lips buttoned and behave herself. She's lucky to have this role and she's not going to lose it.

She and Amity are two of the first few roles casted. The show is still in the process of putting itself together. Willow finds it a little weird that their chemistry wasn't checked out via screen tests before the two of them were signed on and it makes her anxiety spike.

I mean obviously, there's a lot of awkwardness and tension between them and an audience would surely pick up on that? Willow is gnawing off her fingernails worrying that she's gonna get fired before she even gets her first paycheck, all because she had to and get herself dumped by Amity 7 years ago. Plus they're supposed to be playing best friends?? How the fuck are they supposed to make that believable?? They're actors, sure, but...

In hindsight, this is the point Willow looks back on this as an obvious red flag but she was too stupid to realize it at the time. Of course they didn't need to see if Amity and Willow had chemistry. They didn't give a fuck if they had chemistry. That was never the point of Willow's character on this show.

As far as Willow can tell, Amity does not remember her. She's curt, polite and a little chilly with her during those first few days of pilot shooting but nothing overtly hostile. Nor familiar. At least not right away. She's blunt and she's critical and she does not hesitate to tell Willow when she's doing something wrong. Still a perfectionist after all these years. Even more so than she used to be.

Theyre going to be sharing a dressing room. Which can only lead to good things. Yay.

If Willow had to describe one of the most awkward experiences of her life she'd definitely recount shooting that goddamn Hexside Pilot and having to throw her arms around Amity Blight in a tight, loving hug back when they still wanted nothing to do with each other. It's nothing compared to how excruciatingly awkward her first kiss was but it's certainly up there.

Willow learned from the second she walked in for that audition that the character of Paulina was a comedic role and she was optimistic about giving it a shot. True she didn't have any friends to gouge an opinion from but she made her Dads howl with laughter pretty often so she liked to believe she was moderately funny.

The exaggerated faces she made certainly scored some giggles at the audition. They liked her disposition and line delivery. It makes her swell with pride. Paulina's meant to be a little on the ditzy side so she gives it her all. Willow is excited for this role, she gets to silly it up!!

Although once the scripts start rolling out and Gilbert reads them aloud to her at the kitchen table, she notices that Paulina is....way ditzier than she initially thought. And well, Gilbert seems a bit uncomfortable with it. But Willow assures him it's fine. It IS fine. Sure, she might be a little much but it's not that big of a deal.

The director of Hexside, Adrian Graye is....difficult. As in he expects you to be a mind reader and berates you relentlessly if you can't follow the vision in his head. And maybe Willow is too sensitive but in those first few days of filming, before she really understood the kind of person he was, he made her cry a lot.

She found a place to hide between takes when she's recovering from the hurtful words and it's in the school room, underneath a desk. This is where she meets the boy who's gonna become her best friend in the entire world. He also happens to be the boy she's pretty sure she saw a few people searching the set for. So what's he doing huddled under a desk, choking on his own ragged breath?

Augustus Porter is something else entirely. There are kids like Amity whose parents have sunk thousands of dollars into professional acting classes and she's STILL hasn't mastered the craft. You have kids like Willow with minimal training but enough natural talent to make a living but not win an Oscar anytime soon. And then you have Augustus. Who is made of stars.

As the son of a former performer turned news reporter, it was not difficult for Augustus to find an open door towards the spotlight. His Dad has a lot of connections. And it was the ideal setting for him. He likes to perform, his likes the dazzle and he likes attention.

Augustus has a lifetime of theatre experience under his belt by the time he auditions for Hexside. It could not be any more obvious that he is SEVERELY overqualified for this role. He can sing, he can dance, he can act, he's been on Broadway, he can even do magic tricks, like cmon!!! What the fuck is he doing here??

The simple answer is that he wants to do something fun and goofy right now.

Augustus has been on stage and screen since he could walk and let's just say that it's made him a liiiiittle....out of touch with reality. As a result of this, he's genuinely enraptured by mundane aspects of human life that he's never experienced. And that includes attending public school and having his own locker and backpack and GASP!!! Waving flags at a sports game!!!!

Unfortunately, as Willow tries to calm him down, the reason becomes apparent why he's auditioning for a teen show instead of attending an actual school.

Augustus doesn't have friends. He DOES however have a teenage neighbour who seemed very eager to become buddies. Quickly after, Gus tried to help his new friend get his acting career off the ground by asking his Dad to put in a good word with his friends in the industry. It wasn't until the day of his audition that he overheard from his assumed best friend that he was being used. And it stung. It stung bad.

He managed to hold it together all throughout the car ride to the studio. It wasn't until they arrived that it all burst out of him and he had to go hide somewhere so nobody saw him cry.

Augustus is painfully trusting. And no matter how hard he tries, he never ever EVER learns. He's a prodigy and he's famous. So many people who seek him out have an ulterior motive but he chooses to believe that they're genuine every single time. Willow would be wary about sending him to school too. They'd eat him alive. Just like what they did to her.

He likes showbiz. He likes the excitement of sets and castmates. He likes the illusion of living a normal life but also having the upper hand of knowing exactly what's going to happen and what everyone's intentions are because he already read about it in this week's script.

That doesn't mean Augustus wants to live like this forever. He dreams big. He wants to travel the world. He wants to rattle the world around and turn it upside down. He wants to get into politics. He wants to become an ambassador. He wants to talk to people and learn their stories and gather up a million friends. He wants to ride public transport. (Buses are....so cool.) But he's not ready yet.

He gets a role in Hexside because of course he does. He's Augustus Porter. He will be playing a flashy and charasmatic child villain, a role he was born to play. And Willow is indescribably relieved to have him here. Especially since those early days of shooting would have been Hell without him.

They take care of each other, Willow and Augustus. She comforts him when he fails projects or gets trapped in his head. She's his second pair of eyes who can let him know if somebody is messing with him again. And Augustus helps her read scripts and finish her homework. He sits beside her and makes her laugh after a long day of Amity's condescending comments.

Oh yeah, the condescending comments are gradually getting worse. Both on and off screen. By this point, Willow has realized the point of her character. Paulina exists to make Amity's character look better. Paulina is not ditzy, but is borderline illiterate. Paulina is not endearingly skittish, but is a complete invertebrate. Paulina is nothing but a combination of mockable characteristics rolled up into one character. She's supposed to be the protagonist's best friend, so why does Amity have new lines every week where she makes jokes about her brainlessness as the laugh track plays? It makes the occasional affectionate scenes between them feel pretty hollow.

Willow keeps trying to tell herself that she's being too sensitive. That she's being ungrateful. This job is paying the bills. This job is keeping her Dads from getting ulcers. This job is gonna put her through college (She is 100% gonna flunk out of college but she can't afford to dwell on that right now) and she's over here getting her feelings hurt because she's the comic relief.

But like. It does hurt, man. It REALLY hurts. Especially considering that out of everybody in the cast, Amity is given the most lines about what an idiot Paulina is and its hitting a little too close to home. Amity has plenty of comments to make in the school room about Willow obviously struggling with reading. The close proximity of a shared dressing room is beginning to lead to some hostility on both ends. So the line between where Paulina ends and Willow begins are already blurring. She is trying her goddann best to suck it up but coming to work every day and being an object of ridicule for profit isn't fun. It really isn't.

But she follows all of Adrian's notes and does what she's told.

Willow doesn't speak much on set anymore. She shows up, puts on a performance and either hangs out with Augustus, or makes herself very very small. And it seems to be working for her.

It's not like she's not used to treatment like this. But she has Augustus. And she's never had a friend to soften the blow before. So yknow. Pros and cons.

Willow and Augustus have a lot of fun together. Neither have ever gotten the chance to do normal teen stuff with a friend. And even tho they're not allowed to wander far off the lot, there's a fast food place, a skatepark, an arcade and a movie theater nearby, which gives them plenty to do between takes.

"The special effects kinda sucked," Says Augustus as the two wait in line at the studio canteen, discussing the whimsical fantasy movie they just saw.

Augustus has little to no interest in fantasy and magic. Willow is more of a comic books/superheroes kinda gal but she can appreciate a fun little flick every now and again. Plus one of the characters was really hot.

"I wanna sink my teeth into Sir William," Declares Willow with a wide grin, making Augustus scoff and wrinkle his nose in distaste.

"You want to BITE ME??" Pipes up an incredulous voice from behind, causing them both to whip their heads around, startled.

Willow nearly screams in blood curdling terror, but all she can manage is a pitiful little squeak.

He is standing. Right there. Sir William. Waiting in line at the studio canteen. His head is cocked quizzically, looking a little insulted. His bottom lip is hanging open and....there's a gap in his teeth. He did not have a gap in his teeth in the movie.

However, the arrangement of the guy's teeth does NOT matter right now. What DOES matter is that the blood is scalding under Willow's skin and there is no way the furious flush is not pathetically obvious.

Okay, lesson learned. No more thirsty comments in public.

This was definitely also on the list of her most embarrassing moments but it really lost its cringe factor after a few years. Because nowadays, she'll openly tell 'Sir William' that she wants to munch on his shoulders and it makes him blush and giggle.

But at age 14, it's....the kind of unbearable shit that makes her seriously contemplate quitting her job. Especially when she and Augustus learn that 'Sir William' is apparently filming something on the same studio lot and they might be bumping into him pretty often. There's even talks about him attending the same school room sessions as the other Hexside kids.

Willow would like to disintegrate. She really would. Fortunately the co-learning sessions have not been established yet but....this studio is now a minefield. Willow needs to avoid that boy or die trying. She's lucky to have Augustus. They've come up with a codeword ('Chew Toy') to mutter every time he sees the dude, giving Willow the opportunity to duck her head and subtly turn the other way.

So yeah, filming of season 1A of Hexside is going.....Well, its going. Pros (Augustus) and Cons (Everything else) but Willow is determined to make the best of it. She's given herself so many pep talks, she's pretty sure her own reflection has gotten sick of the sight of her.

Maybe her confidence isn't doing well. Maybe she and Amity are struggling to even co-exist in the same dressing room. Maybe she feels herself shrinking with every passing day.

But things are gonna improve soon. They will.

Because Willow is about to meet Luz Noceda.

[kiaradaughterofselene]

Intro post

Heyy I'm Kiara. The group blog over on @willows-pjo-ocs is cool and all, but I decided to make my own.

So here's some basic info i guess

Age: 15

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual

Godly parent: Selene

Powers: healing (only at night), photokinesis (limited to moonlight and not that much, Aurelia says I'm like a glowstick), increased strength at night time particularly when the moon isn't obscured by the clouds (which does not change when the moon is new since its still the moon), I can transfer the pain you feel to myself, limited hydrokinesis since the moon controls the tides, and I sees better in the dark. Limited umbrakinesis plus I can shadow travel. Not really a power, but I am pretty good at chariot driving since my mom is Selene, if I do say so myself.

Status: taken i love my wife girlfriend @southerndaughterofeos

I'm pretty chill just don't be a dick, i guess.

Ooc under the cut

Heyyy! I figured it might be fun to make some blogs for my ocs. With the amount i have and probably will make, this will make things easier and more fun.

i am way too autistic about the riordanverse send help

I'm the moderator of @willows-pjo-ocs and my main is @gaygirldoodles

I also run

@southerndaughterofeos

@glykera

@overlyprotectiveheadcounselor

@amaiahunterofartemis

@melissathetherapist

@selene-goddess-of-the-moon

#willow speaks ◇ is what i'll use for when the mod is speaking vs #willows pjo ocs ♡ and #insomniac daughter of the moon will be for in character stuff

the rest of this will probably be copy pasted from the intro post on the group blog tbh

TW/CW FOR TRANSPHOBIA, MENTIONS OF DEATH, AND SELF BLAME IN HER BACKSTORY also SH so im making it extra big so you dont miss it i dont wanna risk anything

Kiara is a 15 year old transgender demigod daughter of Selene. She arrived at camp a bit before the Battle of the Labyrinth (the battle itself, not the book, but both are technically true), so she did end up fighting in the Battle of the Labyrinth, the Battle of Manhattan, and the Battle of Half-Blood Hill (plus if there was another one in toa i havent read it yet so dont spoil me.)

I would say she was about 12 or 13 when she arrived at camp so she's been there for a bit

She wasn't claimed until 2 or 3 years after she arrived since her mom didn't have a cabin yet

She is currently dating Aurelia Emerson, another oc of mine.

No father issues here since her dad is pretty awesome, but she does have mother issues, which comes with your godly parent being your mother.

She has a good deal of trauma from these battles, as do the other demigods who fought in said battles.

Since she can only heal at night, she compensates with her fighting skills. She was unable to save lots of friends and fellow campers during the battles and she blames herself for their deaths constantly. The tragedy of being a combat medic at her age.

Kids used to tease her all the time and do stuff like pulling on her hair at school but she ended up finding her people

At some point (sometimes i rp before, during, or after this) she ended up going on a quest. I haven't planned out much of this quest or who she gets captured by, but she ends up getting captured by these monster or something who want a son of Selene even though she very much isn't a son, but a daughter. They only ever referred to her as a boy and made her wear raggedy ass "boy" clothes (even though i believe that clothes dont have gender idk how else to phrase it)

Also, I apologize if I accidentally portray her a bit wrong since I'm not trans but feel free to critique me if I do something wrong bc I really want to know so I can do better/be more educated

She ends up back at camp somehow, havent planned that part out yet, but yet another trauma she has to deal with (yay i guess..?)

She ends up picking up smoking to deal with the trauma. She doesn't really tell anyone, and she tries to hide it since she's underage, it's against the rules, and sincs Aurelia would kill her if word got out.

Every time she heals a patient, whether it's a broken wrist or the entire arm is ripped off, she transfers a great deal of the pain to herself so they don't have to deal with it. Better her than them, she tells herself.

Eventually, she grows pretty numb to the pain. She can still feel it, of course, but she's just used to it. It doesn't bother her as much as it used to. Occasionally, when she takes a smoke break, she'll put out the cigarette on the heel of her palm or her shoulder or something just to prove that she can still feel pain.

Face claim:

tag list from the group blog:

@the-gods-abandoned-us @arisdaughter @mache-of-greece @demigod-jack-hearth @kaiaalwayswins

@daredevil-shit

@unhinged-waterlilly

@southerndaughterofeos

@glykera

lmk if you wanna be added or removed!

[httyddragonfox]

The Hexsquad in Nightmares

I read this fanfic where Amity was put in the Nightmare instead of Luz, so I got to thinking...what would be the the rest of the Hexsquad in nightmares? Let's take a look at this:

For Luz:

Amity tells her she's just like Belos and basically helped him win, Willow says she has no future now, Gus says because of her he'll never see his dad again, and hunter says Flapjack is gone because of her.

Amity says 'Witches battle' and that's where Luz is clued in.

For Amity (in the fanfic):

Willow comments on how Amity abandoned her, Gus mentions how he's constantly overlooked or lumped in with other people, Hunter comments on how they're a lot alike but he had it worse and she didn't care about the consequences for him, and Luz says because of her she became a villain like Belos, like she used to be.

Luz says 'Pictoglyphs' which cues Amity in.

Now how about the rest;

For Willow:

Amity or Luz would be first, Amity would say she was abandoned because she was weak and her parents were right because she's still weak, Luz would say she only helped her and called her strong because she pitied her, Gus would be second and say if she was a better friend they wouldn't suffer in the first place like what happened in Labyrinth runners and then he then hints at Hunter, 'Neither would him.' Hunter would mention how close they've gotten, but then he'd mention that if she was a better friend then she would have gone all out to save Flapjack, she would have noticed something was wrong with him before it was too late, but she didn't do enough.

She'd be cued in by Hunter saying she did 'everything' wrong. Hunter told her recently that she didn't do anything wrong.

For Gus:

Willow would be first, she'd comment on how he was so wrapped up in his own problems he didn't notice anything was wrong with her. Luz would be next, she'd mention that she taught him the fire glyph because she knew how powerless he actually was. Amity would follow, she would say he's not really her friend because he's practically nonexistent, everyone else in their group is more substantial than him, makes more of a difference. She would then hint to Hunter saying 'He'd know more than anymore.' Hunter would point out how Gus knew Hunter was a Grimwalker, and Hunter was obviously struggling with that info, who his original was, if he was good or not, but Gus knew the whole time and said nothing. It would have made him feel a lot better, he wouldn't have wanted to prove himself by going on his own, someone could have noticed before it was too late, heck if Gus did more than make Belos mad, Flapjack might still be alive. Everyone would show up then, berating Gus for being weak.

Willow would be the one to cue him in, I'm not sure what she'd said but I'm pretty sure it'd be her. This would show some growth because he didn't recognize it was fake last time, he'd say 'I'm not being fooled a second time, you're not her. None of you are you."

For Hunter:

Willow would probably be first, commenting on how his original was a witch hunter, Belos' number 2, that's his destiny so he'll always hurt others, even her, for added points he'd be in his Golden Guard garb. Next would be Amity, she'd point out she reached out a hand to him at eclipse because they were similar, but instead of being good he just chose to run back to Belos, he chose to be the bad guy, so why should they ever give him a chance. For Gus, he'd point out Chief Engineer O'Bailey is a fictional character, his immediate goal was to turn on Captain Avery, and because it's fiction Captain Avery showed him the light, Gus questions if he was ever really their friend, did he ever see himself as one of them. Hunter would retort, 'Of course, I'd never hurt anyone." Gus would say, "Oh really, then what about them?" Hunter would be shifted to see Luz. She'd talk about how she was there when he dragged her into the mess with Belos. She thought he was like family, but he dragged her away from the group to confront Belos alone with no magic, not considering what could have happened. Sure he had a palisman, Flapjack, but look where that got him. He knew Belos liked killing palisman and had a grudge, but he still brought them alone. If he pushed back sooner, Flapjack wouldn't have died. Hunter would start crying then, saying that he knows. The whole group would show up, Willow would say he's the golden guard, he hurts people, it's what he does, it's what he was made to be, and he's not one of them and never will be.

Hunter will remember that Willow told him that it didn't matter who he was because he was one of them now, and Willow is too kind to lie about something like that. He knows Willow and this isn't her, none of them are them.

[pageofheartdj]

It will never stop hurting, isn't it xD

You know what sucks? That because of Collector's ending I don't even want TOH continuation. I can ignore the end while rewatching the seasons. But with continuation it will be always in my face.

That a traumatised lonely little child leaving to deal with their trauma and 'mature' on their own is a Good Thing Actually.

It breaks my heart to see this end for them. It breaks my brain, because I was invested in this world, in its themes, in its characters. The show was treating every character consistently. Everyone but Collector.

Collector is a little kid and the show was really hammering this in season 3. Collector is a vulnerable kid that faced mostly nothing but HURT and the show was REALLY hammering it in! They were tricked by siblings and the little titans were taken away from them, they were falsely accused and trapped in a horribly prolonged isolation. Titan Trappers were a murderous cult. There is no way Belos treated Collector nicely and with Collector not even knowing this. And then he was betrated. And then he had a few nice-ish months with King before he found out that King actually lied too. And then 'Ray-Ray' lied. And then when they thought they could befriend Belos again, they were blasted in the back and the person he quickly grew to care died in front of him, showing as a personal example what mortality is. And then they break down crying because Eda is hurting and King will get hurt.

And they didn't heal from ANY of this, at all. They immediately left. To be alone. Because space is BIG and they will be alone traveling from planet to planet, if that's what they will do at all, we know NOTHING.

And why? He was never eager to return to the stars and never offered to go explore with King. He never cared.

So why? Witches won't like him at first? He isn't an active threat anymore, in fact he could have helped with restorations. Hunter didn't have to leave despite also doing bad things for Belos.

Speaking of, would you be happy with Hunter's arc if he just left Boiling Isles to travel in the Human Realm, never settling in and making any lasting relationships(because Collector's planet hopping will not build him any stable relationships) and ocassioanlly visiting the Demon Realm. Just. Two lonely kids dealing with their trauma on their own. Would you be happy for Hunter to have this 'satisfying ending' too?

But the show made a point to give Hunter a stable supportive parent figure in Darius.

In fact. Everyone, kids and adults, got better after they got loved ones that support them. Every single one of them. Lilith and Eda got their relationship fixed, both reunited with parents, Amity gained Luz and Hexsquad and her relationships got better with dad and twins, Willow got support in Luz. Hunter got support in Flapjack and Willow and Gus. All of them were able to become a happier person because they always had someone by their side.

People say that Collector visists and that should be enough? No? They didn't even personally congratuled Luz, they just threw some magical fireworks, because they 'were in the area'. So it was pure luck Collector was around at all. Doesn't really scream 'ah yes they are a family like this anyway' to me. Fucking TIBBLES was there. And not the 'family member'.

Again, a little kid, kids should NEVER be alone! And don't tell me the only lesson kids need is 'kindness and forgiveness'. Wow, how easy it is to raise a child, huh. No teaching socialisation, no teaching emotional intellegence, not being a safety net for a child to feel assured and make mistakes and build healthy bases and explore the possibilities while they always have unconditional love and support.

What else. Everyone's mortality? Well leaving Demon Realm doesn't help with this at all, because all the planets have mortals too. And it's a weird goose chase for a slim possibility to find another immortal or semi-immortals, when King is Right There.

In fact this is worse, because Collector had learned a concept of mortality. But he didn't get to experience actual lasting grief, how to cope when the person is no longer in your life. The show says Collector still has supposedly close relationship with the Owl fam so he will STILL have to deal with them dying and hurting from this. Excpet there would have been no one to teach what to do with these feelings.

Collector, a little hurt kid, is in space alone, no one to help them to deal with confusing feelings, no one there to stop from doing a mistake or help to fix it and how to fix it. No one to explain new concepts. No one to warn them from interacting with bad people.

The show made a Point how Collector in all the ways that matter, is like a human child. And the show was always treating kids as kids. But suddenly the Collector gets the Fairy Tail treatment where he will never struggle with anything and there will be never ever a problem with abusive adults. Just all the hurt and not a single good adult before, and then the blissful existence from that point to the future.

Except this is a lie. The show could have suddenly redeem Belos and treat it as the most logical thing, but it's not. It just doesn't make sense no matter how the narration tries to convince you it is.

So what's the point in any of this??

[theajaheira]

buffy/giles? jenny/cordelia? angel/cordelia? spike/anya? dawn/xander? willow/kennedy? kennedy/anya?? (i know i'm late to this game but i want to hear all your opinions)

buffy/giles:

oh, man. my take on this is a little different from most. starts out like i have a certain position, but prepare yourself.

buffy/giles is so divorced from canon! the story itself took so many steps to remove the possibility of buffy and giles ever becoming a romantic relationship -- the Six Inch Rule is often cited in a lot of b/g fics (yes i read them. i read everything.) and it's very very clear that the show has placed giles in a paternal role. a lot of the b/g ship arguments seem to suggest that giles doesn't actually want to be buffy's dad, but i think that omits the rest of that sentence -- giles doesn't want to be buffy's dad because he feels like a good dad would not be sending their kid out to die, and he believes that the ultimate act of paternal devotion is to Not Be Buffy's Dad. and buffy herself CLEARLY wants giles to be her dad! this is a point of contention between them!

i have read some b/g fic because i am always curious, and the bulk of the fic that i HAVE read just absolutely refuses to engage with the canon messaging, instead choosing to say "all of the rest of you are reading canon wrong, giles and buffy have never had a father/daughter connection, and there's always been romantic potential here." i find this incredibly boring. i think that any exploration of buffy/giles HAS to incorporate that, at one point, she saw him as her dad, and HAS to explore how those feelings changed + the weirdness/messiness of this entire dynamic in the first place.

i am not gonna be one of those people who pearl-clutches -- buffy/giles is a long-established part of this fandom and i do not think that it does us any favors to pretend that they didn't build so much of the incredible giles content/infrastructure that's out there! even if it's not my thing, i can respect it. but part of the reason it's not my thing is bc i do not see a lot of it that actually engages with canon. much of it intensely mischaracterizes buffy AND presents giles as the Perfect Man Who Is Perfect, which, again, soooo not interesting to me. write some weird shit where the daddy issues are addressed instead of shaken off and shoved into a closet! that is literally what fanfiction is for!!!

jenny/cordelia:

iiiiiii can't see it. they're way too similar. i've read a couple of fics where cordelia has a crush on jenny but honestly just cannot buy it. i think cordelia wants to BE jenny (cool confident assertive lady with a geek ass little boyfriend, is not bothered by what people will think of her for dating said geek ass little boyfriend) which is a little different.

angel/cordelia:

14 year old celia will never not be crying about them. neither will 22 year old celia. the most perfect thing to ever exist. they invented friends to lovers. i truly think there's nothing like them in the entire buffyverse -- the people that they start out as are so fundamentally incompatible, and then the people they grow into through heartbreak and supernatural situations become SO ENTWINED!!! i love the idea of a second, enduring love that you grow into -- something that is not fated. of all the couples in the buffyverse, they're the ones who are actually, canonically best friends who enjoy each other's company w/ the love stuff blooming FROM THAT, and that will never not kill me.

spike/anya:

hot in the short term/for a fwb situation, but i think they probably work best as friends. i don't really have anything to justify this position, Simply Vibes.

dawn/xander

i am totally ambivalent. i understand that it happened in the comics, but it's so hard to look at them and imagine it when he's such a big brother to her in canon! on principle, though, i respect the idea of the dynamic shifting as she gets older, because i love the narrative notion of relationships evolving and changing shape as time goes on -- i actually really love this one fic i read where she's obsessed with this idea of becoming a Cool College Student and wooing him with her new attractiveness, and it doesn't SEEM to work (she even brings it up to him and goes "haha wasn't this so funny and stupid of me to think it could happen?") but there's a suggestion that his perspective on her might be gradually changing.

willow/kennedy

people hate kennedy so much and that makes me love this more. out of spite. 1) this was so clearly not a long-term thing, and 2) this becomes so fun to watch if you look at kennedy as Baby Jenny & recognize the subsequent implications of this.

kennedy/anya

a recipe for disaster, i think. they both wanna be in charge and spoiled by their partner. they would get into SO MANY FIGHTS.

[theyaresogay]

Willow memes I found on Pinterest that I cackle at (I’m just to going keep adding to this)

one

Kit: Man it sure is dark in here…

Jade:

Kit: I'm not scared or anything.

Jade:

Kit: I mean, who is afraid of the dark these days, anyways?

Kit: Not me. No sir.

Jade: …Do you want me to hold your hand?

Kit: Yes please.

two

Elora: Start with some light flirting, okay? Subtlety is key.

Kit, nodding: Sure, I can do that.

—Later—

Kit: Hey, Jade! High Five!

*they high five*

Jade: Okay?

Kit: *interlacing their fingers* I'm in love with you.

Jade: *smiling confusedly* What?

Elora: *face palms*

three

Kit: *does something ridiculous*

Jade: Great, like I needed to get anymore attracted to you.

Kit: ... What?

Jade: ANNOYED. ANNOYED BY YOU. That’s what I said.

four

King Hastur: So, Queen Sorsha, what is your daughter like?

Sorsha: Well, she's-

Kit: Full of sass with a really cute-

Sorsha: Kit!

Kit: ...Lass. *winks at Jade*

Jade: *smitten eye rolling*

five

Graydon: Why are Kit and Jade sitting with their backs to each other?

Elora: They had a fight.

Graydon: Then why are they still holding hands?

Elora: *shrugs* Kit gets sad when they fight.

six

Kit: Mom, I understand now why you arranged a marriage for me. As a princess, and heir to the throne, it is my duty to form alliances to protect our kingdom.

Sorsha: I am so happy to hear you say that. I know it's a great sacrifice, and I am so proud that you are willing to go through with it.

Kit: ...And since Jade turned out to be essentially a Bone Reaver princess, I decided to marry her.

Sorsha: .....

seven

Elora: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Kit?

Kit: ...No.

Graydon: I do!

Elora: I know, Graydon.

Graydon: I'm sad!

Elora: I know, Graydon.

eight

Kit, joking around: When are you going to go out with me?

Jade: I don't know, when are you going to ask me?

—Later—

Elora: AND YOU JUST RAN AWAY?!

Kit: I DIDN'T EXPECT HER TO FLIRT BACK!

nine

Elora: Every family has a gay cousin

Kit: I don't have a gay cousin

Elora: Maybe you're the gay cousin

Kit: Holy shit, I'm the gay cousin

ten

Madmartigan: Kids, I'm sorry I had to leave, and wasn't there for you both growing up. I an so proud of the people you have become. Kit, you are one of the finest, bravest knights this world has ever known. Kit: Thanks, dad.

Madmartigan: And Airk... you've got great hair, son.

Airk: (overcome with emotions) Thanks, dad.

Willow: Really?

Jade: He's always had really low expectations.

Elora: Tell me about it. Before we started dating I once gave him a cupcake I stole from the kitchens. He thought I'd made him a birthday cake. He cried.

eleven

Elora: I give up. I am so tired.

Kit: Get the emergency supply!

Jade: *carries Graydon and places him in front of Elora*

Graydon: *smiles*

Elora: AND I’M BACK BABY, LET'S GOOO

twelve

Airk: Hey, Kit? Can I get some dating advice?

Kit: Just because I'm with Jade doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Kit: *turns to Jade looking curious* How did I do it?

Jade: I think it’s definitely the hair.

Kit: *smuggly smirking*

thirteen

Kit, messaging Jade at 2 am: lmfao

Kit: guess what?

Jade: Bitch, with the way you live, I have no fucking idea.

fourteen

Kit: Look at that! The statues smirking at me.

Elora: You’re right, that’s weird.

Boorman: It’s art, it isn’t weird.

Graydon *turns to Jade*: Why isn't the statue smirking at me?

Jade: It isn't smirking at anyone, they're all just imagining it.

Graydon: Three of us saw it, Jade. How do you explain that?

Jade: *points at Elora* Sleep deprivation, *points at Kit* Severe paranoia, *points at Boorman* Delusional personality disorder.

fifteen

Kit: Let's watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Jade: Okay.

kit: And make out during the scary parts.

Jade: Th-

Jade: The scary parts.

Jade: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

sixteen

Jade: You know what I learned from years of being friends with Kit?

Graydon: There's no such thing as too idiotic?

Elora: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them?

Boorman: Always hold a grudge?

Kit: I don’t know what you learned, but I learned to never steal your socks.

seventeen

Airk: Oh you travelled across most of the known world and nearly died multiple times to reach me? What a wonderful treat! Oh, those guys who've been trying to kill you the last few months? They're fine, don't worry about them, they're my mates. They still want to kill you though. Let me give you the most awkward hugs in existence and be really creepy and spacey then start spouting the most cultish speech ever.

Kit: What are you on?

Airk: Wyrm's milk.

Kit: Forget I asked.

eighteen

Elora: Sonetimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Kit: The cow?!?!?!

Elora: What?

Jade: Elora, W H Y?

Nineteen

Kit: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Jade: What did you do?

Kit: Nobody died.

Jade: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!?

twenty

Kit: Jade, you deserve an award for putting up with me.

Jade: You are my reward, Kit.

[meanwhile]

Boorman: Scorpia, you deserve an award for putting up with me.

Scorpia: Hell yeah I do; you're a real bitch sometimes. Scratch that, all the time.

[amberjazmyn]

"whenever you're ready, baby girl"

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - "whenever you're ready, baby girl"

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - sadness, girl dad x misha, child loss, terminal illness, crying, just genuinely upsetting, surrender by natalie taylor if that even counts as a warning

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - misha's little girl always seemed to draw the short straw in her short life. first, she was born way earlier than she was meant to be, had what seemed like hundreds of surgeries and hospital stays and was then diagnosed with terminal cancer that shortened her life which was always uncertain from the beginning.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i know this is the third one-shot for misha but i wanted to rewrite this kian egan one-shot for misha. by the way, in this fic, vicki and misha are not together and you are with him. also,west and maison are in this fic even though vicki isn't. as always, lyrics in bold italics, flashbacks in italics, present in normal font and it'll be written in lowercase like always because that is my new aesthetic. 

masterlist part two

- - -

being diagnosed with cancer or really any illness at any age was a nightmare and indeed the worst thing that could happen to a family. however, for nine-year-old willow collins, daughter of supernatural actor misha collins and supernatural actress elouisa collins, it was even more nightmarish. especially since everything about her illness and cancer diagnosis was posted on nearly every single social media site and magazine because of how high profile her parents are and how famous that then made her and her younger siblings by proxy. in saying that though, it didn't really bother the young nine-year-old too much because at the end of the day, she was able to share her experiences with her specific cancer and give those young people who were also dealing with the same thing that they had someone else their age who understood what they were going through and that ultimately, they weren't alone in their fight with cancer.

however, there did come a stage where willow could feel herself start to give up and, it seemed as though everyone in her family and extended supernatural family could also see it happening, which terrified them.

we let the waters rise, we drifted to survive.

by the minute, willow was getting weaker and the cancer was getting so much stronger to the point where she felt like she was merely drifting, treading through the water to survive the day let alone the next one. not only was this having a weighing effect on willow, but it was also having the same effect on her parents, misha and elouisa, her baby brother and sister west and maison as well as the extended supernatural family who she called her uncles, aunties and cousins. going through this with willow was starting to weigh everyone down. not because the girl was a burden, but because they knew she was getting weaker as the days went by and were getting ready to let go.

one year ago

it felt like all the walls in the doctor's office were closing in on misha and his wife elouisa. they never imagined they'd be getting this news after another regular hospital trip for their first child, eight-year-old willow collins.

"...mr collins? misha, did you hear what i just told you?" willow's doctor, dr phelps questioned, misha blinked a couple of times before responding

"no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?" misha still sounded like he was so far away from dr phelps' office but did his best to not tune out this time since it seemed as though it was quite important what he was telling him and elouisa

"i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier..."

ahh, yes, that's what the conversation was about, his eldest daughter had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. and they were talking about roads of treatment and how successful they could potentially be for a tiny little eight-year-old. misha could feel a sob building in his throat and it seemed like his wife could feel it too, holding her husband's hand tightly, she just wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office right now.

"...ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if our daughter...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?" misha gulped as he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm as he squeezed elouisa's hand with the other one

"now, mr collins, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer, we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life. but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that..." dr phelps responded as misha felt his heart shatter

elouisa feeling like she was holding it all together, his face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the doctor. then he caught a glimpse of his precious baby girl sitting ever so peacefully in the waiting room with her uncles jared and jensen. the both of them lovingly putting their hands up to take care of her whilst uncles rob and rich put their hands up to take care of her baby brother and sister, west and maison .

"...she doesn't deserve this..." misha croaked out, bringing his tissue up to cover his face as elouisa comforted her husband whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly

"...no, she doesn't misha, no one her age does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel. but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little girl has the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, little willow was going to survive another diagnosis

but, heartbreakingly, misha and elouisa thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in willow's eyes, she too thought the same thing as her parents

willow's pov

i lay in my hospital bed, a smile on my face as i saw my mum, dad and baby brother and sister open the door and let in my three of my supernatural uncles. leaving me alone to spend time with them whilst they went to get lunch. usually, it would only be two, maybe one, allowed in my room. but, by an exception rule, i was allowed to have more than just one or two in my room at once.

"hey will," uncle jared smiled, closing the door behind him since he was the last one to file into the room

"hey, uncle jare!" i smiled as i then gave him a hug since i had already given uncle jensen and uncle rob a hug beforehand

my smile then quickly disappeared as i caught a glimpse of my dad looking like he was crying. but, he was trying to be discrete about it as i looked out of the window behind uncle jared's shoulder. even though he was supposed to be getting lunch with mum, west and maison. it seemed like uncle jared, uncle jensen and uncle rob all noticed it even though i also tried to be discrete about it.

"why are you suddenly so upset, will? you were just smiling a second ago, what's up chickadee?" uncle jensen spoke up as he got himself comfortable on my bed, immediately grabbing my hand to hold - not for my comfort but for his even though it did make me feel ten times better

"dad's crying, uncle jay but he's trying to hide it even though he's supposed to be getting lunch with mum and the babies. why won't he cry in front of me or when he thinks i can't see it? i just wish he'd be more vulnerable with me because i always tell him when i'm sad or when i'm scared... so why can't he?" i sighed as all three uncles, jared, jensen and rob gave me empathetic smiles as uncle jensen takes a big breath in, rob and jared letting jensen explain

"well, my little chickadee, it's slightly complicated because, whilst your daddy has always been an emotional person like uncle jared, it's different when it comes to you and the babies. he doesn't tend to cry in front of you three because he knows that, one, west and maison won't completely understand why daddy's upset but does know something is wrong and two, they know that if you see him cry that it'll either worry you or question him on why he's crying. he just doesn't want you to worry about why he's crying because sometimes, he's just crying because of how much he really loves you, west, maison and your mummy..." uncle jensen trailed off as he caressed my hand comfortingly as i nodded my head, feeling somewhat better

"...he also wishes that if he could, he would switch places with you. have him be in this bed and sick but, rob, jared and i always tell him that that would have been even worse. we all wish that you didn't have to deal with this. because you always seemed to be given the short straws in life. but, we are all so glad that we still get to have you with us at this very moment, right now. because right now is what's important, okay? not tomorrow, not yesterday, not next week or the next week. today, right now, okay, you understand?" uncle jensen explained as i smiled softly and nodded my head as i then smiled at uncle jared and uncle rob to reassure them

a knock at my door then got everyone's attention. my day nurse walked into my room, letting me know that i was being given another dose of treatment. even though i knew it wasn't really doing anything to help me as it used to when i first started it a year ago.

i needed you to stay, but i let you drift away

when eight-year-old willow was first diagnosed, although she needed everyone to stay, she began to drift away. away from her parents, her brother and sister, uncles and aunties and even her cousins. although she didn't want to, she was doing it because she didn't want her family to see her like they were going to. so, before it was to start happening, she made sure to have everyone stay away from her. except, even though she thought it worked, it really didn't work, even though willow resisted at times.

willow's pov

having to hide my treatment from my baby brother and sister and cousins for the first couple of months was probably the hardest thing ever. anytime they tried to come into my room to spend time with me, i'd push them away and tell them that i was tired or that i was feeling sick and couldn't spend time with them. which, in all fairness to me, wasn't always a lie since i do have cancer and that makes you feel ill. but, when i did start my chemo treatments, i was beginning to feel a lot better that i could realistically deal with hanging out and chatting with my cousins rather than entirely and selfishly shutting them out. however, there just came to a point where i couldn't hide the treatments any longer and, one day when it was me giving myself doses of chemo, my brother west and my cousin jj, who was holding west, had run into my room. thankfully without maison but i digress. before jj screamed, causing a whole frenzy and literal cavalier of parents, uncles and nurses to rush into my room as though something was wrong with me. but, to be fair, i couldn't blame nor be mad at jj since i don't think any of my cousins or west or even maison were told that some days, i would be giving myself solo dosages if my regular day nurses weren't available to do it for me. and since it was the first time they had seen me do it, let alone at all and had no idea i was even getting treatment, i understood jj and west's fear because i myself wanted to scream when i was told that i'd have to learn to do my own dosages as well.

"...jj! willow! is everything okay? why did you scream jj?!" uncle jensen suddenly barges in, the rest of the cavalier behind him

only to see that i was calmly doing my chemo dosages calming him down. only for him to turn around and see jj, holding west to her chest, hugging each other. the both of them cramped near one of my chest of drawers in the far corner of my hospital room in distress

the moment uncle jensen, dad, uncle jared, uncle rob and mum saw that, it seemed like their hearts all individually broke. then, immediately, jj saw my dad and bolted over to him after giving west a sweet kiss on his head of hair and handing him over. before she then ran over to her own dad as well. watching it all go down made me feel like i was in trouble since i should have realised that jj and west were going to come in and that i should have waited until after they had left to do my chemo doses, not whilst they were walking in.

uncle jared seemed to notice this and immediately took action whilst mum and dad calmed down a sobbing west and whilst uncle rob and uncle jensen calmed down a sobbing jj, "oh, baby. willow, come here sweetheart!" uncle jared whispered as he held me as tightly as he could whilst not messing up my ivs and drips that i had attached to me whilst receiving chemo

"is...is this all my fault uncle jared? why westy and jj are crying?" i whispered, too scared to speak any louder just in case i would get in trouble as uncle jared's face nearly collapsed as he shook his head, his eyes sincere

"absolutely not chica! it is not your fault at all! whilst you knew that your brother and cousin were coming in to visit you, you didn't know when which was for sure not your fault at all! and it wasn't west and jj's fault either. not like west would understand but they weren't even told that you were taking treatments or that some days you'd be doing it yourself. so don't put that blame on yourself, you don't need that extra baggage, babe. you are not in trouble at all," uncle jared insisted as i nodded my head, wholeheartedly believing him as he hugged me again as i smiled softly

however, west and jj had been comforted enough to where they were able to hang out with me and talk, well, me and jj did. westy just sat in my lap and was being cute. that was until they were quickly ushered out, along with uncle jensen, uncle rob and uncle jared when my nurses and parents looked devastated. as if they had some sad news they needed to tell me that was going to most definitely be sad. but, to me, the news seemed obvious so it confused me why mum and dad looked so upset.

my nurse then started to explain the news in more detail to mum and dad. but, because i had already overheard this news and already kind of seen it coming, i tuned out. only tuning back in when dad broke down in tears abruptly, apologising to the nurse, mum and me before walking out of the hospital room.

"...i...i am so sorry..." dad sobbed out as he then abruptly left, running down the hallway of the hospital floor as i tuned back in

and i was confused as i saw the way the family outside reacted. uncle jensen giving jj to uncle rob as he started to run after dad.

"...willow, sweetpea, did you hear anything that the nurse just said?" mum then spoke up as i slowly shook my head no as she took a breath in before smiling, slightly brushing my hair

"n...no, why? did i do something wrong, mom? where...where's daddy going? i...i need him, mommy..." i trailed off as fear engulfed me as mum hugged me before letting go and explaining to me what my nurse had said before dad ran off

"...oh, chickee, no, you haven't done anything wrong...it's just, your nurse was explaining to us that the chemo isn't working anymore, you know that right?" mom trembled, her hands resting on my shoulders

i was worried for less than a second before realising that it had been mentioned to me before. even though i did have a sense it stopped working properly as i nodded my head.

"yeah...yeah, of course, i know that, it was mentioned to me before," i smiled, obviously not understanding properly as mom gasped out a small cry, stopping herself from fully crying as i looked at her in confusion

"do you understand what that means, willow?" mom looked at me with a sad questioning look, it took me some time to process it but i slowly nodded my head

"yeah...yeah, it means that it's no longer effectively treating my cancer..." wait, the chemo is no longer effectively treating my cancer... does that mean i'm going to die before i turn ten?

"...wait, umm, nurse, could you...could you please go and find my dad? don't worry about me, i have mom with me, she knows what to do, thanks..." i was trying to comprehend all of this news and it was difficult

yet this hospital and these four walls have been basically my whole life. and especially considering this chemo hasn't been effectively working for ages and only now i've fully realised it?

"...of course willow. as soon as i find your dad, i'll invite him in," the nurse smiled and left with nothing more as i smiled back at her as i watched her leave

"thanks..." i breathed out as she left to find dad as it was now just mom and me as she then spoke up

"babe, why'd you send the nurse out to find dad?" that was all it took for me to collapse in her arms as i started to panic

"oh, babe, what's wrong?" she reacted, rubbing my back as she hugged me as tightly as she physically could as i slowly started to feel better

"i...i'm scared mommy, i...i don't want to die," i panicked as mom hugged me again and rubbed my back before pulling away, her hands on my shoulders

"darling, you are not going to die. you are going to be absolutely fine. we've only been told the results of the chemo treatments, we also have you in radiotherapy and still haven't been given the results about how that's going. so, who knows, maybe whilst the chemo isn't working, the radiotherapy might be and that's why it could be affecting the chemo results? don't always look on the negative side sweetheart," mom smiled softly, rubbing my shoulders as i nodded my head because mom did have a point - we still hadn't been given my radiotherapy results yet

however, in the split second of being comforted by my mom and feeling wide awake, i suddenly felt limp and grew tired. falling forwards into mom's grip, and in a state of pure quick thinking and keeping calm and collected, mom hit the emergency button. this then immediately paged one of my nurses to my room.

"mommy...i...i'm tired...i'm...i'm so tired..." i mumbled out sleepily as i felt mom's breathing quicken as she held me after her hand released the emergency button as i weakly smiled

"--nurses to room 452, cancer patient, nurses to room 452, cancer patient..." was heard over the loudspeakers through the hospital floor which i could tell would freak out the rest of my family since they all were aware of my room number

suddenly, doctors and nurses swarmed my room, immediately removing my mom's grip from me as they laid me back down properly on my bed. the last thing i remembered hearing was the nurse screaming, "everyone get out now!"

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

thankfully, the real reason why willow was tired wasn't that she was about to die. it was just simply because of the chemo dosage. she had accidentally given herself a little too much than she was supposed to. and it was suspected that it happened when the west, jj panic situation happened. which, at first worried everyone but, it was quickly levelled properly and willow was fine again. she was now in a deep sleep and in a place of everything being at the levels they were supposed to be. however, willow could tell that her dad was resting next to his daughter and silently crying whilst uncle jensen tried to calm him down as elouisa took care of the kids.

willow's pov

thankfully, after the scare i had with my chemo dosage, i woke up around four-ish hours later. but, i was keeping my eyes closed, simply resting them whilst dad cried into my hand that i had laid at my side as he caressed it. uncle jensen sat next to him and comforted him. even though i was resting my eyes and somewhat awake, i could hear him whisper.

"come on baby, where's all your energy gone? you've never been this tired before, what happened?" he whispered into my hand as i heard him cry as i could feel uncle jensen try to comfort him

"it's not gone completely mish. she's just storing it all before using it when she's got all of it. she's still your daughter," uncle jensen whispered to my dad as i smiled, he was right, i hadn't gone anywhere

"where is my little girl, will? open your eyes babe, it's been four hours! what's better up there as your reason to not open your eyes? come on darling, i wanna see your blue eyes!" dad started to sob and i broke my heart, now i understood why he always ran away from me when he started to cry as my eyes started to flutter open, uncle jensne nudging dad to look up from my hands

"d...daddy," i mumbled as i slowly sat myself up, uncle jensen nudging dad to look up, when he did he smiled small

"willow...are you okay? is something hurting? are you hungry? do you..."

"...daddy, i'm fine, calm down, please. i'm just tired but, nothing that a splash of water to the face and some food can't fix. i promise i am okay and, to answer your question, even if it was rhetorical, my energy hasn't completely disappeared. it's just halfway full and i'm wanting it to be all the way full before i start using it. and your little girl hasn't gone anywhere, i'm still here daddy," i smiled as i combed my fingers through his hair as he smiled, it slowly started to reach his eyes as tears welled in his eyes

"i'm never leaving daddy..."

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was slowly starting to deteriorate and it was painful. not in a physical sense but in a mental sense. okay, maybe it physically hurt a little bit but, the girl never said anything because she didn't want to hear her doctors and nurses talking anymore. and she didn't want them giving her more harmful drugs in her system. however, willow's hospice carer and main oncologist, dr phelps realised what was going on. and then told willow's current guests, couisins jj and tom to leave so dr phelps could talk to willow in private.

willow's pov

dr phelps knew something was up, he knew i was in pain. physically and mentally. however, this was the first time in a while that he was questioning me about it.

closing the door on my cousins, jj and tom, he sat down and gave me a raised eyebrow, "okay, come on small one. tell me what's up? there's something going on that you're not telling the rest of your family. so, tell me, what's going on?" dr phelps tilted his head to look at me, i had never felt this weak or small in my entire life as i huffed

"nothing dr phelps, i'm fine," i lied, again

yeah, this was something i had been doing this past month. especially considering i basically only had this month left before i drop dead anyway. so, might as well lie, right? which, when you remember the fact i'm nine years old and i'm saying this, is quite sad

"no, you're not willow. i've been by your side for the entire year and a half that you've gone through this. this is the exact opposite of how you acted so, what's wrong? you know if you don't or can't tell you parents, uncles or aunties, you can and have to tell me. so, spill, what is going through that little undeveloped head of yours?" although i really didn't want to laugh, dr phelps did always find a way in how he did his consults to make it lighthearted and comedic in the right places as i smiled

"seriously? do i have to?" i joked with a small giggle, acting like the teenager i'd never get to be as dr phelps nodded his head with a half smile

"uh-huh, come on small one. cough it up, what's wrong?" dr phelps smiled as i huffed, explaining everything to him, having no clue that my dad and uncle shay had walked past, hearing it all

"i'm tired dr phelps. like, in a way i've never been before and i...i'm so sore. the amount of pain i'm in is so painful it feels like i'm in pain every day. why...why can't it just stop doctor?" i was wanting to cry but, i couldn't because of how unbearable the pain was getting

"i know small one, i know how tired you are. but, are you able to hold on a little bit longer? just a little? i mean, it's almost your daddy's birthday. and, i know for a fact, even though i shouldn't say this, that one of your daddy's birthday wishes is for you to be there with the family and sing him happy birthday. you think you could hold on a little longer for that?" dr phelps stroked my cheeks as i shrugged my shoulders - i've gotten so tired that i'm just not so sure how much longer i can continue this fight, even though getting to daddy's next birthday would be amazing

"i...i want to but, i...i don't know anymore dr phelps," i mumbled when i heard a sob muffled by either a hand or someone's shoulder

looking past dr phelps, the door opened, and i noticed dad and uncle jensen - dad crying into uncle jensen's shoulder as he tried to once again comfort dad.

"i...i'm sorry daddy but, i-i'm just so tired..." my eyes started to close as dr phelps let them know that i was sleeping, i was fine and my heart machine and the others alike were still working normally, i was just sleeping

"...it's alright guys, willow is okay. she's just sleeping, she's not dead," dr phelps smiled as they all nodded their heads, breathing a sigh of relief

"thanks, dr phelps. i think we're okay to watch her now. go and eat something, i'm sure you're starving, thank you again," dad whispered as dr phelps nodded his head and left shortly after as i felt dad grab my hand

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was on the last stretch of her life before her cancer would take over her life and slowly kill her. she had been spending the last month on hospice treatment at her home in austin with her family, the extended supernatural family and dr phelps. the thing that hurt everyone the most other than the obvious was how much younger she looked. even though she was still just a kid at nine-years-old. she was weak, skinny and basically unrecognisable. to the point where baby west and baby maison sometimes couldn't recognise willow. she had just helped her family celebrate her dad's birthday just three weeks shy of coming back home for hospice care. she managed to get healthy enough to sit on her daddy's lap at a restaurant and sing happy birthday to him with the rest of the family. however, straight after, willow's health quickly declined and had her bedridden ever since.

willow's pov

i was so tired and weak and i always felt so sick that all i wanted to do was just sleep. however, i knew if i did close my eyes, there was a change i wouldn't open them again. and that would, no pun intended, kill my entire family but especially my dad. so, for the sake of my dad and the rest of my family, i tried. i tried so hard to keep my eyes open until i physically couldn't any longer.

"hey chickadee, you alright sweetpea?" uncle rob yawned as he slowly woke up, uncle jensen already awake, nudging dad and uncle jared as they opened their eyes as well

for context, these four crazies had been with me all night. whilst mom and the other spouses volunteered to watch the other children whilst dr phelps could actually sleep through the night properly. because, normally, it's dr phelps that stays with me overnight in my bedroom, not my family.

"mm, i've been better uncle robbie but, you know, it's life," i smirked weakley as he gave me a sad smile

dad hadn't let go of my hand, i started to stroke my finger against his hand as i gave him a small smile, "daddy, will i be forgotten about?" i mumble as dad gasps out, tears slowly landing on my hand

"oh, honey, no, never. you'll always be with me, mommy, westy and maison. both west and maison will be told everything about their older sister," he sobbed softly as i nodded my head, barely even able to acknowledge my other uncles who watched on in devastation

"daddy? i'm...i'm tired. can i go to sleep? when can i go home?" i was so weak and tired, i had never felt so little and like an infant until now

dad sobbed again, knowing the "home" i meant wasn't our physical home which my bedroom was in right now. uncle jared and uncle jensen tried to comfort him whilst uncle rob comforted me.

"whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready baby girl," he sobbed into my hand as i breathed out softly, a small smile on face

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender?"

it was now coming up to willow's last few days alive. and she was getting even more weaker if that was possible, as the days went on. she was slowly starting to surrender to her cancer and was wanting her dad and the family to do the same thing as well. they didn't deserve this. to have to constantly take care of her every single day when her dad and uncles were meant to be filming their tenth season of supernatural. but, it seemed as though since the birth of maison a couple of years ago, back in 2012, and the cancer diagnosis and everything else with the supernatural tenth season, they were for now, halting their entire production until further notice. sacrificing it all to take care of her in her last months alive. willow saw it as something they didn't need, an extra "thing" they didn't need stressing over but they didn't. they all saw it as being heroes and just doing what was right. being together as a cast a little bit longer before they are all away for nine months so they could take care of their dying daughter and niece.

willow's pov

today was a quiet day, no one really said anything. as though everyone knew that i was coming to the last stretch of my life. so, dad, uncle jared, uncle rob and uncle jensen all sat around my bed. whilst mom, aunty genevieve, aunty dannel, aunty mollie and their kids/my siblings sat around my room. they were all so upset and it was the first time i had everyone in my room all at the same time since leaving the hospital and coming home. but, it was the first time i had really seen dad so upset. sure, i had seen and heard him cry plenty of times but, not like this. and it sucked. i hated seeing anyone upset but none more so than my family, especially my dad. because it made me feel helpless, i mean, more than i already was. i literally couldn't move or do anything to make him feel better. hell, the only thing he wanted was for me to get better but, that was the one thing i definitely couldn't and have failed to do. slowly, the family started to trail out of my room leaving uncle rob with me. they all took advantage of the new starbucks and convenience store that had been built right on the corner of the street we live on. the rest of the family decided to walk over to for some lunch whilst uncle rob stayed back with me as that was the rule. i always needed at least one person to stay with me at all times, day and night.

"wanna know a secret, chickadee?" uncle rob whispered as i looked up at him, mustering all the strength i had to hold his hand

"what is it uncle robbie?" i spoke softly, caressing his hand as he smiled

"i'm scared," what he said was so simple but it was heartbreaking as i nodded my head, believing him

"yeah? do you wanna know my secret?" i whispered as i held his hand slightly tighter as he combed his fingers through my hair as he nodded

"yeah, what is it?" he responded with a smile as i smiled back

"i'm scared too," i gulped as uncle rob nodded his head

but he didn't bring it back up straight away which confused me. until he finally did lift his head back up when a exposed tear that i don't think he meant to release streamed down his cheek.

"oh, uncle robbie, don't cry," i whispered, slowly bringing my finger up to wipe it away which makes him laugh softly

"i'm scared, chickadee, of course, i'm going to cry," he whispered back as i smiled again, my finger that wiped his tear slowly coming back down to rest at my side

"you'll be fine, i promise uncle robbie ," i smiled as i fiddled weakly with my blanket as uncle rob hummed

"how do you know, will? you won't be here for it?" he whimpered as i pressed my lips together before bringing my finger up again to wipe another one one of his tears

"i'll always be here uncle rob, you just won't see me," i smiled as he sniffled, trying to look away as i struggled in grabbing his chin to look at me

"i...i'll miss you little chickadee," uncle rob whimpered as more tears fell down his cheeks, chuckling, not because i was insensitive but because i was thinking the same thing

"i'll miss you too uncle robbie but, it's okay. i'll be the ghost that haunts you in your dreams every night *tearful giggles*. which sounds awful so, maybe not in your dreams. but, i'll be keeping you - all of you guys - safe. i'll give you signs every single day. if you ever need anything, just call my name, and i'll be there," i whispered to him as he nodded his head

he let his head fall into my arm as i cooed, my hand curving around the back of his head. i. then smoothed his hair to calm him down.

can we, can we surrender? i surrender

just like the day earlier, before willow and her family, said anything, it was figured out that she'd be spending some alone time with uncle jared. in the same way she did with uncle rob yesterday. with uncle jared crying and willow trying to comfort him, soothing him, the nine-year-old suddenly felt at peace. almost as if her surrender was coming to its end. just like yesterday, uncle jared had taken advantage of everyone else going around the corner for lunch. so, this time it was uncle jared that stayed with willow.

willow's pov

"...willow...willow..." whispering to wake me up, my eyes fluttered open and i woke up, uncle jared was sitting next to me

a small smile that barely reached his eyes on his face as he relaxed knowing i was still alive.

"...what's wrong uncle jay? are you okay?" i mumbled with worry, uncle jared scoffed and shook his head

his lip then trembled as if he was about to cry - oh no, please uncle jared, don't cry. i feel like all i've seen lately is you guys cry or be sad. this wasn't the first time i had seen uncle jared cry but it was the first time i'd seen him cry like this. and i just want us to get through a day without someone crying. 

"i don't care if i'm okay, are you okay willow?" he responded as i was taken aback - i had never really been asked that question in a while and, i wasn't so sure how to give a truthful answer

"umm...yeah i'm fi--" just as i was about to lie, uncle jared caught me and prevented me even though i think he knew

he knew just like i did, that i wasn't lying on purpose. but because i just didn't know how to truthfully answer the question as he swallowed back a sob.

"--no you're not willow, please baby. don't lie to me, please tell me the truth sweetheart," he choked out as i looked up at him as my lip trembled

"i...i don't know uncle jared. i'm just, tired...so tired and i..." he cut me off, sobs softly wracking his body as his head fell onto my arm

"...please don't say it willow, please don't say it..." he sobbed as i took in a deep breath, as deep as i could and i whispered it

"...i'm done...i surrender...i'm ready..." i whispered as i fell asleep, my heart machine beating steadily, uncle jared quietly sobbing as he brushed my hair back with one hand whilst the other one wiped away his tears

no one will win this time, i just want you back, i'm running to your side

it continued to come to willow's final days on earth and having one-on-one time with her family. and today, it was with uncle jensen. also the girl when waking up after uncle jared had fallen asleep, started to write some letters for her family. she just hoped they were intelligible enough to be understood.

willow's pov

as i woke up from my short little nap, taking a quick look at my vitals, to make sure i didn't need to scream for dr phelps, i smiled. i saw uncle jensen. with a small smile, with his arms crossed and his feet weirdly crossed as he rested his weight on the side post of my door frame.

"hey goober, am i allowed to enter your counselling room?" uncle jensen joked as i smiled and laughed slightly

this entire time, uncle jensen had been trying to make me laugh and, he finally did it. and, in all honesty, the both of us couldn't have been happier.

"a nine-year-old is qualified enough to be a therapist? nice joke uncle jensen *giggles*. but, yes, you may enter, no one is stopping you from entering. as, this appointment is all yours, mr ackles. speaking of, what's up uncle jensen, how are you dealing with this?" and yes, it went from zero to a hundred in seriousness quickly

but, it was because it is a serious topic as we both mirrored each other. crossed over arms and small smiles on our faces.

"i mean, i've been better but, i'm alright. but, most importantly, how are you willow? you haven't really cried once, why haven't you cried? you're meant to cry willow," uncle jensen explained, his voice getting shaky quickly as i took in a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders

"i dunno," i shrugged, honestly, i had no idea why i hadn't cried yet

it was maybe because i didn't want to seem weaker than i already am.

"you've got to know willow, please. before this whole thing became this, you were always crying. almost every day and now it's the other way around, why?" uncle jensen pleaded as, once again, i just shrugged my shoulders

"i don't know uncle jay, that's my honest response," i shrugged as uncle jensen just bit his lip to stop his sobs from getting too loud - this was the first time i'd actually seen uncle jensen cry and it was really jarring

"just know that you are allowed to cry babe, no one is stopping you. hell, if you need to scream, just scream and we'll all be there to make it go away," uncle jensen softly smiled as he gave me a kiss on the head as he then started to leave shortly after

but, before he could fully leave, i stopped him.

"...uncle jensen, wait..." i called out, uncle jensen stopping and turning around, smiling small

"...what's up babe, you okay?" he asked as he walked back over as i nodded my head but handed him something

"yeah, i'm okay. i just, i wanted to give you these since dr phelps can't take them. before you ask, i wrote everyone a letter as well as added a photo so you really don't forget me. and for the kids and my little collins', they have a separate letter even though i know they won't understand it until they're a lot older. and promise me you won't let them read the letters until after i die..." i muttered as i handed uncle jensen the letters, i could tell he was struggling to accept the letters but did so anyway

"of course, i will. i'll make sure we won't forget you. i promise baby girl. thank you, willow," he whispered, kissing my cheek as i smiled as he walked out of my room for the shift change with dr phelps

flying my white flag, my white flag. my love, where are you, my love, where are you?

the countdown on willow's life was really quickly coming to an end and she wanted to make sure she got all the love, hugs and kisses and tears until her last breath. since the egan had said her final goodbye her brother west, who was four and maison who was three, both of them not old enough to understand properly, cousins, uncles, aunties and parents, she had forced her dad and uncles to slowly get back into the filming of supernatural's season ten. and this was so they were still working to some degree. and, on one of the days off, dr phelps let willow be alone with her dad and uncles, not wanting to ruin it with them. and, it was comforting for the girl. the only talk between the group was every single memory that they shared together. willow, her dad, uncle jared, uncle jensen and uncle rob were all cuddled up on the bed together.

willow's pov

talking about all the memories i've shared with my dad and uncles is the best way i could possibly begin the end of my time on this earth. dad, uncle jared, uncle jensen and uncle rob were all cuddled up together on my bed. thankful that it was quite large so, it was nice being so close to each other because it was truly comforting.

"...oh oh oh! i just remembered another one!" uncle jensen piped out as we all laughed at the tone of his voice - it went high-pitched for those who were wondering why it was funny

"i remember we were being interviewed by entertainment tonight in regards to supernatural. willow, you were behind the camera but you were so calm and collected that the interviewer didn't know you were there until the end when i was mentioned. and you threw your hands up in such excitement because it was the first time you were being shouted out whilst being at a interview with us. it was the cutest thing ever and i literally remember that like it was yesterday!" uncle jensen explained as we all smiled as i grabbed my drink bottle to have a drink to disguise an oncoming cough, feeling fine afterwards

"wow, i totally forgot about that jay, does anyone have any others?" uncle rob giggled out as dad piped up for the first time in a while

"i have one..." dad piped up as we all turned to look at my dad who now looked as though he spends his days crying - which, he basically does at this stage

"what is it mish?" uncle jared smiled as dad took in a deep breath, puling me closer to him as i giggled softly

"when you ran on set for the first time. you were waiting behind the camera with mom but got too excited that the moment you knew she wasn't looking, you took that as your chance...and you ran straight over to me. it was just aftere you got your cancer diagnosis and before we halted everything supernatural. you had been looking forward to that day on set for so long that no one could even think to be mad at you, not even the crew, when you ran on set to give me a hug and help me with my lines and the scene with us," dad cuddled into me as i smiled - yeah that was a memory of mine that i remembered and well too

"another one was when me, west and maison surprised mom on her birthday by making her that photo album. even though i was the one that made it considering west and maison were still young. but it was really cute seeing her reaction and how excited she was to receive it," i giggled softly as dad and my uncles agreed

just as we were about to continue our trip down memory lane, a knock came on my door. dr phelps behind it as he gave an apologetic look that he had to cut our time together short but, we understood.

"...hey guys. i am so sorry to do this but, i am afraid it is time to hook willow back up to all of her other machines that isn't her life-support machine. but, whilst i'm doing this, if anyone does have any concerns, queries or anything, do feel free to ask. and, if she's able to, willow can help me answer them, right wills?" dr phelps winked as i smiled and nodded my head

"of course, so, any questions?" i smiled softly as dad moved away from the bed, as did uncle rob, uncle jensen and uncle jared so dr phelps could hook me up to the other machines again

reason being was for a certain amount everyday, i'd have some time off of those machines, except for my life-support machine. even though i should have been kept on all of these machines, it was only because i was coming to the end of my life that i was taking breaks from the other crucial machines i was hooked up to.

i then noticed that uncle jared had a question and he spoke up, "willow..." he begun as i smiled

"...yeah uncle jared, you got a question?" smiling at my uncle, i could tell that jared was going to break his own heart and then everyone else's with his question but i knew he had to ask it anyway

"how long will it take for you to die when all the machines are turned off, not just these ones you're getting hooked back onto?" uncle jared gave me a worried look as i smiled, knowing he was terrified of seeing it with his own eyes

"it depends, uncle jared. and if i'm right, it could take a couple of hours or an entire day, is that right dr phelps?" i responded, still asking dr phelps for help as he nods his head, letting me know i was correct

"yes, however, whilst we're talking about life support machines, willow can obviously die before we make the decision to turn her off life support if and when we come to that decision. because, sadly, we will have to come to that choice. like anyone on life support, whether it's due to cancer or because they're clinically brain dead or whatever, of course they can succumb to whatever caused them to be on life support to have them pass away before their day of their life support getting turned off happens. it just means the life-support machine will still beep because that's how we'll know that it's happened and we'll still have to turn it off. just, it wouldn't be the main reason why they've passed on, it'll just be that they've passed on before having to manually take her off of life-support." dr phelps expanded and i could tell that nearly took uncle jared to his knees

he managed to compose himself however as he nodded his head and squeezed my hand as i squeezed it back.

"any other questions?" i smiled as uncle jensen took in a deep breath, dad staying frozen, obviously knowing the answers to these questions

which is why he didn't say anything, not that i think he wanted to say anything anyway which was fair.

"will it hurt? like, will you be able to feel any of it happening?" another thing that uncle jensen and the rest of my family had been worried about when we were all told that i'd die soon - if it would hurt as i smiled

as dr phelps shook his head, i responded, "not at all uncle jensen, it'll be like falling asleep or as though your blinking but you don't open your eyes to blink again," i smiled as i grabbed a tight squeeze of uncle jensen's hand as he nodded his head

i then looked at uncle rob, i knew he wanted to say something. a way to stall dr phelps from eventually turning off the machines.

so, he did, "how would you feel if we went back to proper days on set and interviews for supernatural for the next week? would you be okay?" uncle rob said softly as my eyes lit up, nodding my head

"oh my gosh! i'd love for you guys to go back to filming and interviews for the new season for the next week! seriously! i can have mom and if you want, you can have the aunties here as well!" i was so excited as i think that released a lot of stress off of not just dad but my uncles as well

"well, then, that just leaves us to dedicate season ten of supernatural and the interview promotions to you! and i don't care what you say!" uncle jensen buts in which makes us all giggle

"oh, thank you uncle jay! you know you didn't need to do that! i love you!" i laughed as uncle jensen hugged me again as he kissed my face

"nope, we're doing it! no matter how many times you refuse it, these interviews and season ten is dedicated to you. we also agreed in advance anyway that they'd be dedicated to you so, no take backs!" uncle jensen smiled as i rolled my eyes and smiled

"okay fine, if you feel like you need to, here is my full permission!" i smiled as my dad and uncles cheered, making me giggle

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

the filming schedule of supernatural and interviews to promote it were over and they were now starting the convention circuit as episodes started to be aired. it was the third convention. the third convention of their tenth year on tv that willow stayed alive. when, suddenly, during aunty danneel's shift of looking after her niece, willow's life support machine started to beat unevenly. that was when dr phelps said that, willow's time had come and aunty danneel had to say goodbye. genevieve, of course, freaked out. the cast were in new york for their third convention, nowhere near austin, texas. whilst the lads were either on stage doing panels or in the green room waiting for their panels, she rang their security guard and drive, cliff kosterman. telling him that it had happened peacefully and that it would be better if the rest of the panel, not the whole convention, just the panel, had been cancelled. just so the lads could fly over to austin and say their goodbyes to their daughter and niece.

willow's pov

since the last catch up, i managed to keep strong throughout the whole promotional interviews for the tenth season of supernatural and their recordings. and today was the third convention of the convention tour circuit. they were currently in new york for the first of their five consecutive panels there and the other four states. even though i promised them i'd be alive by the time they finished their convention tour, being well enough to see their last ever convention of the year. but, i had a feeling that i wasn't going to be able to do that. but, i did not think i'd get to convention three and that would be the day it'd happen. as i half slept peacefully, with aunty danneel, uncle jensen's wife, softly singing to me and cuddling me in bed, my life support machine started to go awol as did my body. straight away, without hesitation, aunty danneel shot right up, running to get dr phelps. this is it, i'm going to die tonight. i'm scared, heck, what's a word that means the same thing as scared but means even more? i mean, i genuinely thought i'd make it at least, at least, to halfway through or even their first of their final weekend of conventions, not their third one in new york!

"...aunty danneel, i...i'm tired, when can i go? i'm so tired," i sobbed, for the first time. wishing the rest of the family were here, so they knew i wasn't in pain

"oh, chickadee, it's alright baby girl!" aunty dee soothed, running her fingers through my hair as i weakly smiled

"dee...dee, when...when can i let...let go?" it was like i was five again when i first seriously injured myself - i felt so young and like i was maison's age again as i sobbed weakly

"whenever you're ready baby girl, whenever you're ready," she whispered as i whimpered and then, after another verse of danneel singing, it happened, my life support machine started going, my body going, getting ready to flatline

beep....beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

i could hear everything. i could hear aunty danneel and dr phelps running to the bed. i could hear aunty danneel screaming at dr phelps to try and keep me alive just for a few hours longer so mom, dad and my uncles could see me alive once more. just one last time. however, dr phelps couldn't so, aunty danneel, screamed and sobbed down the phone line. grabbing her phone to ring cliff kosterman, uncle jared and uncle jensen's security guard and driver telling him i was gone. hearing aunty danneel cry and scream like that hurt, it felt like i was getting thrown into a wall or getting stabbed near my heart.

"...dr phelps! please! do something! just keep her alive for a few hours longer please!" aunty danneel screamed, sobbing as i could just picture dr phelps and him shaking his head, telling aunty danneel that he, unfortunately, couldn't and that, it was time to pull the plug

"danneel, please, darling, i can't. i'm not allowed to, there is nothing more for me to do for your niece. she wasn't in any pain darling, you could see that, she is in complete peace. she was happy that you were with her in her last moments when both of her parents couldn't be. she couldn't feel anything at all. she was at peace with it, please, i know it is hard but, it's time to let her go danneel," dr phelps said softly as aunty dee's cries got louder and more grief-stricken

"i...i can't let her go, dr phelps! please, just a little bit longer, let her parents and her uncles fly home to see her, please! let them say goodbye!" aunty danneel cried out as dr phelps just shook his head again, he couldn't, there was nothing else that could have been done to keep me alive

"i'm sorry dee but, i have to. are you stable enough to ring cliff to let him know so he can pass this information to the guys?" dr phelps spoke calmly but with a tinge of sadness as aunty danneel nodded her head

"yes," aunty danneel was trying so hard to calm herself down before calling cliff

jensen's pov

the amount of fun the four of us were having on this convention tour was insane. but not just me, jared, misha and rob but the entire supernatural cast that was on this convention tour. i genuinely never though that we'd be able to get this happy considering what was going on at home with our daughter/niece willow and my wife danneel who was looking after her. however, as we finished me, misha and jared's panel, cliff came out on stage. he looked distressed and panicked. i bought my mic up to my mouth and i momentarily paused the panel. the fans looked worried as if they had a slight idea of what was happening. since, it was very well known, not just in the spnfamily circle, about willow's cancer and her recent decline in health.

"...i...i am terribly sorry new york but it seems as though we need to momentarily pause the panel. please, stick with us and we'll be back again as soon as possible, thanks guys! see you soon!" i announced as i looked between cliff and misha - both of them looking like the sheer painting of distress and grief

when only, just a second ago, jared and rob had made misha laugh. the first time the dad had laughed in what felt like forever. but then, in a split second, he was back to his grief-stricken face.

all of us ran off stage (except rob and rich as they tried to keep the crowd entertained) to where cliff was as he fights with himself as to how he should tell us. misha grabs ahold of my arm, which i don't mind. this could very well possibly be about willow. i also snake my arm around his waist and pull him close to me. then, cliff dropped the gauntlet and told us when everything just came crashing down around us, not just misha, all of us.

"...guys, before i tell you this news, i want you all to take a deep breath and compose yourselves, okay?" cliff begins as misha looks at me, without even needing to be told, he already knew what cliff was going to say and my heart shattered at the look in misha's eyes

"what's wrong cliff? are willow and danneel okay?" jared questioned, hoping they were okay as cliff gave a slight shake of the head

"i...i'm sorry guys but, no, she isn't okay. danneel just called me in absolute hysterics. willow was half asleep half awake, dee was with her, singing her to sleep and cuddling when, out of nowhere, willow's life support machine went awol. as did willow's body and then it stopped..." hearing that just completed my shattered heart but it obliterated misha's heart

he was hysterical and i had no idea what to do. misha's legs had almost collapsed from underneath him and i had no idea what to do. so, i just fell down with him, grabbing him just in time and turned his head into my shoulder, his body into mine. and he wept as i rubbed his back, his fingers digging into my back, not caring if it hurt - even though i knew it wasn't going to help him and nothing any of us did was going to bring willow back, it was the one thing i could do to help him control something.

the silence that filled the dressing room was piercing. it was so painfully quiet as i looked at cliff to continue telling us what happened. although i knew misha didn't want to hear it, it was just so we had clarity. all i needed to know was if it hurt my niece or not.

"...was...was it painful? like, was she in any pain?" i stammered out as i could feel the tears welling in my eyes stream down my cheeks as i took in a shaky breath, holding misha tightly - cliff giving me an emapthetic look

"not at all, jensen. dee was told by dr phelps that it did not hurt at all and that she was in complete peace. she couldn't feel a single thing jensen. i'm going to announce to the fans that the rest of tonight's panels will be cancelled but the rest of the five shows throughout the next five states will be done at a later, pushed back date," cliff then announced as the four of us just stood in shock as we looked at each other and nodded our heads

"thank you cliff. thanks so much. we'll grab our stuff and get to the car so we can get to the jet," i gulped as i knew this meant that the whole car ride and then plane back to austin, misha would be inconsolable and so would elouisa

and that, that made the rest of us feel horrible because we were all parents in this family. and we were also uncles and aunties to each other's children.

୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧

the drive to the plane and then the plane ride was awful. straight up awful. no one could say anything, not even the songs of the radio in the car or jet could make us sing. it was as though they knew the bereavement that we had just gone through. as every single song was one sad song after another. misha couldn't stop crying, which, we didn't blame him for, whilst elouisa held him close. whilst jared and gen were told to keep an eye on me since i was the only one without my partner since she was already at the house back in ireland with dr phelps and willow. and rob and ruth were wondering how on earth we were going to tell our kids since they were all staying together with our parents.

finally arriving at the house in austin, we were all dreading it. seeing all our cars there, telling us that whilst it seemed like it to others, we actually weren't there at all during willow's last moments. then, finally, for the first time since telling us, cliff spoke up. letting us know that we had arrived and it was time for us to go inside the house.

"...come on guys, we're here," cliff spoke softly, now this was something we were all scared of happening during the promotional interviews and production days back in vancouver for supernatural - not during the convention tour circuit itself - willow dying and us not being there for her

walking into the house felt strange. it felt eerie and like it was the most obvious thing that someone, a literal child, my niece and my best friend's daughter, willow, had just died. i grabbed a tight hold of misha whilst jared and gen took care of elouisa. my hand snaking around misha's waist as we walked into the house. danneel, my wife, is the first person we saw. it was so easy to tell that she had been crying the whole time, just like misha. she didn't say anything, we didn't need her to. i just included danneel into the hold i had with misha and i just held the both of them tightly as they both cried. i then went up to willow's room quickly to grab the letters before coming back down where everyone else had taken a seat on the couch.

"good that everyone is sat down but umm, i have something i need to give to you all..." i trailed off as i noticed how everyone watched me with such intensity

"...these. willow made me promise her that i would keep these letters a secret and that i would give them to you or even mention them until she died. we have the choice of reading them aloud to each other now or reading them privately whenever you feel ready to do so. there is one for each of us. including our children, misha and elouisa and...and a letter for little west and maison that has been separated from their cousins. and along with the letter she added a photo of herself so we wouldn't forget her," i was so calm, except for the little falter when mentioning little westy and maison's letter and it was scary

but, honestly, i think it was nice for them all but misha and elouisa especially, to have someone to be so calm. i then gulped, grabbing my own letter as well as misha's, ours being the two on the top.

"thanks, jensen," misha muttered, elouisa smiling gratefully as i smiled at the both of them with a small head nod

"of course mish," i smiled softly as i then walked out, with the idea to read my own letter privately because i knew i would cry and i didn't want to cry in front of everyone nor set misha and elouisa off

i watched then as jared walked into willow's room for one last goodbye alongside misha, elouisa having just stepped out as i stepped in.

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

jared's pov

sliding our letters on the bedside table, misha and i were sitting with willow. she looked like she was fast asleep like she was about to wake up from that sleep. tightly holding his daughter's hand, misha refused to believe it, his eyes looking at his letter. he refused to believe that his eldest baby girl had actually died and done so peacefully. he wanted to believe that she was just going to wake up. holding her hand like he was and watching her like this took him back, all the way back to when he was meeting her for the very first time. and he would have her sleeping on his bare chest. yeah, sorry elouisa, sleep time with willow was always going to be a daddy/daughter thing. except, that wasn't what was going to happen this time. this time, she was nine, staying at that age forever, and misha was in his early thirties, thereabouts and she wasn't going to wake up from a nap and have some quality time with her dad. this time, she was sleeping forever, peacefully. no more pain and suffering. no more crying in private, behind her family's back, even though we suspected it. no more being tired and scared if she was going to wake up the next time or not. this time, willow knew what the true meaning of peace meant. and she was only nine, not allowed to get another year older as the rest of her family would. not allowed to get to watch her brother and sister grow up and potentially watch them travel through life. 

misha's pov

i wasn't ready for this. i was never going to be ready for this day to come. she looked like she was three again, having her afternoon nap. so she could get energised for some more playtime with her daddy, which was me. she looked so peaceful like she was sleeping. seeing her like this was a double-edged sword. on one side, made me happy because, like her poppy kevin, her mom's dad, she was no longer in any pain and she was now going to live life with her grandpa forever free and in peaceful, painless bliss. however, on the other side, it made me upset, taking me back to that day we had to do the same thing with my dad. and the fact that she was no longer allowed to have her tenth birthday, or even her eleventh birthday. not even her twelfth or thirteenth birthdays either. she wasn't even allowed to watch her brother west and sister maision grow up or have them become potential older siblings in the future. i just wanted my daughter to wake up and wipe away me and her mom's tears away and tell us that she was okay. that she was going to survive another day with me, with us, her family. for the first time that jared and i had been in here, i spoke up.

"...she...she looks so peaceful jared. like she's three again and i'm still going crazy at the fact that i have a daughter as my firstborn," i whimpered out as jared sighed as he rubbed my back

"yeah, she really does misha," jared smiled softly as i sniffled, wiping a tear from my cheek as i smiled as well

"i...i always told her that, if she needs to leave, she can do it whenever she was ready. i never wanted her to be in pain jared. neither did elouisa, but, i just wish her ready was our ready..." i choked out as jared pulled me in for a hug as i cried again

"i know misha, i know," he whispered repeatedly as i continued to cry

"i...i miss my daughter," i sobbed out as i could feel jared tighten as if he was keeping himself from crying in front of me

"have you read the letter that jensen gave you, yet, mish? maybe that could help?" jared whispered as i staggered and grabbed the letter

"no, i...i can't. it hurts too much to even look over at it," i whispered, tears stinging my waterline and cheeks as jared smiled small

"it's okay mish, i can't read mine either and it seems like jensen can't either. i thought i could but, i really couldn't. maybe we'll read them as a group together in a few weeks, maybe that'll be easier," jared whispered as i nodded my head, just resting it on his shoulder

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

now, misha left and it was just jared and willow. it was the next day after being told willow had died. unlike misha, jared couldn't find it within him to leave his niece alone for the night. dr phelps had requested at least a week or less from the coroner's before arriving to take willow's body away. jared just couldn't bring himself to leave her in that room on her own. he felt like he was being begged without willow even saying anything for him to stay with her. and, he did. he talked to her and he cried and that was the circle of events that he did throughout the night until he fell asleep. his head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm.

jared's pov

i just couldn't do it. i couldn't leave willow alone. i just couldn't. unlike misha and elouisa since they had to continue taking care of west and maison, i wasn't able to. i felt as though willow, without even saying anything, was asking me to stay with her. so, i just started to talk to her. with that obviously came the crying as she actually couldn't respond. and that just made me upset that i wasn't getting any responses from my niece. which then made me feel weird for talking to my deceased niece. this then kept on going on a repeated cycle until i fell asleep. resting my head on her exposed and untouched arm.

"...it feels so weird without you wills. it's like, i don't know. nothing seems fun anymore. the rest of our convention circuit will no longer be properly exciting anymore. sure, it's only been a day since you died but, i've never seen your dad so burnt out and exhausted. i'm scared willow, what are we going to do without you? what are we going to do without you after supernatural ends?" i cried out, i was truly lost, what were we going to do?

sure, we were still in season ten of supernatural with no signs of stopping soon but, it was obvious there were some talks of possibly the ending of the show coming when we reach the fifteenth year mark. but, nothing was set in stone yet. we have had ten great years on air and we had willow for nine of those ten. she's literally been with us basically since the beginning. now she was gone. and it was like i was having to rebuild my life all over again after losing my best friend, a similar thing probably going through misha's mind too, since he's also lost friends and family before as well. 

"please, willow, don't do this to us. we always told you to leave whenever you were ready but, why didn't you understand we meant our ready, not your ready!" i sobbed out once again, crying into willow's clean white bedsheets

"fuck sake! it feels like our little supernatural family has just stopped spinning but everyone else's continues to spin around us. what are we going to do? what will we do now?" i couldn't stop crying, it was quite embarrassing. however, i slowly found myself getting tired

"i love you so much willow. whilst the loss of my friend hurt, and is something i'll never understand for the rest of my life, i'll never be able to understand this. the loss of my beautiful, sweet, forever young niece. god, willow, if you're up there with those friends and your poppy kevin, please let them know that we love them and miss them," i sobbed out as i felt my eyes close and all of a sudden, i was knocked out asleep, my head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm

୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender? I surrender, I surrender

liked by elouisacollins, jaredpadalecki, jensenackles, robenedict, danneelackles512, genpadalecki, ruthie_connell and 777k others

misha willow storm collins. she was me and my wife's first and eldest daughter. and we got the honour of having her as ours for nine years. and how i wish every single day i open my eyes that willow got to do the same thing and have more than just nine years. ever since the day elouisa and i found out we were pregnant with little willow, we knew it was a risk to keep her and continue the pregnancy. but, we did anyway and boy are we glad we did. whilst this post only shows me, elouisa and willow, it's only because all the other photos that willow has with her brother west and sister maison are from their last few days together. and because west and maison are still so young and doesn't know what's just happened and the beveravement we've just had, i don't want to share them online, not now anyway. watching my eight-year-old get diagnosed with cancer and then get to see her celebrate her ninth birthday, help celebrate her mommy's birthday as well as her the births of her brother and sister as well as my own birthday will always be something we are so grateful for as a family. even though she didn't get to see her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that whilst the rest of us get to turn another year older and meet and watch west and maison grow up for the short time she had with them. watching little willow go through her cancer and then the short amount of treatment we had her on for, we always told her that whenever she was ready to go, she could go. but, no one who loses anyone to cancer or any terminal illness admits that when they say that statement, they don't mean when their family member is ready to go. they mean when everybody else is ready. and that wasn't any different for me and my family with willow, nor was it with my father-in-law, my kids grandfather. we didn't want her to leave when she was ready because we knew it would be way before the rest of us were ready. but, now writing this and posting it halfway through supernatural's convention circuit for season ten, i am so proud of my daughter for letting go when she was ready to. and not feeling like she had to wait for everyone else around her to be ready for her to leave. she knew she wasn't going to be painless unless she let herself go and she has done just that. like i mention literally everywhere and anywhere i can, being your daddy, willow storm, was the best thing in the world for me. and i have no doubts that your mommy would say the very same thing. we all love you to the moon, the stars and the milky way, chickadee. daddy will talk to you soon, sleep tight princess 🤍

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elouisacollins our beautiful little girl. your beautiful mini-me 🤍

misha elouisacollins i know babe 🤍 she really was a mini-me

jaredpadalecki breaking my heart here, misha! we miss you every day willow 🤍

misha jaredpadalecki sorry jared but i can't deal with the feeling of people forgetting her. and i miss her too 🤍

jensenackles my god, misha, when will my tears stop? i miss your cuddles, willow 🤍

misha jensenackles good question i have no idea and she gave the best cuddles didn't she?

robenedict all of these photos and more and i still wish she was here so we could take more 🤍

misha robenedict i know. i think about that every day and my heart shatters

danneelackles512 our sweet willow storm. miss you, baby girl 🤍

misha danneelackles512 🤍🤍

genpadalecki awe misha, this is beautiful. miss you willow 🤍

misha genpadalecki thank you gen🤍

ruthie_connell oh stop it misha! my heart is broken in two 🤍

misha ruthie_connell i don't want people to forget my daughter ruth🤍

username i cannot even imagine how these last two months have been for you guys. willow was such a sweet little girl. i remember how much she loved and doted on west and maison 🤍

misha username i can't either and then i remember. and she really was, she was such a sweet soul with way too much love to carry in her tiny body, especially for west and maison🤍

- - -

this was a one-shot that i wrote way back when in 2020 when corona-rona was really scary and a big bad wolf and it feels both so strange but amazing to rewrite it three-odd years later to see the difference in writing skills and improvements. and apologies are in order for how depressing it is. i did consider changing willow's age since i don't really write about a lot of young children passing away but, i decided to keep it as is because i think it makes the story more impactful because it's not just "old" people that die of terminal illnesses like cancer. but, anyway, i hope in some way you enjoyed reading this as whilst it is sad, i did enjoy rewriting this.

ok ily bye xx

wc; 13469

[mdhwrites]

I think one of the more annoying things i've seen amongst Owl House fans (other than how toxic they can be over 'liking a FICTIONAL morally bad character' or 'Criticism') is when there was a spike in people saying Hunter should have been the main character.

It was annoying because the same people got very angry when Amity took the spotlight from Willow in Understanding Willow, some even claiming it was White favouritism. But they seem to go dead silent when it comes to Hunter doing the same thing, for example in ASIAS, where Hunter does Willow's plot for her, he got all the other members for her team, he won the game, he named the team.

(which felt odd considering this was her dream because her dads were in Flyer Derby, but then Hunter does all the actual stuff for said dream, even the tiny scraps Willow gets are actually for another character.)

The writers and the fandom truly do not care about Willow or Gus, i really do wonder why Dana even bothered making them.

Weirdly enough, the take of "Hunter should have been the main character" is not one I'd actually heard of. I also think it's kind of dumb as his position in the world would mean a fundamentally different story. His position is too drastically different from Luz's, or ANYONE'S, to have the same story told with him. I've seen some fan comics try a little of that and it always comes off clunky and forced in order to make him hit the same plot points as the show. It's almost like where your protaganist is from and who they are matters. Admittedly, TOH is enough of a mess that I also don't blame people for asking who would have been a better main character. Luz is so disconnected from the plot of TOH, interacts so little with her friends, even to some extent her girlfriend, that... she feels weird as a protaganist. Like... BITCH DO SOMETHING. And then when she does, the show smacks her into the ground with 'trauma' for it. Of course, the show thinks it's clever for this. That's why you get stuff like Eda constantly trying not to let Luz be a part of things in Season 2 because 'she's just a child'. Yes, she is but literally every time you tell her no one something she wants to do, she gives you a middle finger and puts everyone in danger for the sake of what she wants to do and makes her feel special. It's literally been happening since episode 2 of the series so MAYBE you should know better Eda? It's really just a problem that comes back to that fundamental schism of the show. If Luz focuses too much on the plot, she can't go on school trips or get closer to her girlfriend. If she focuses too much on those elements, she can't focus redeeming villains and actually even considering doing something about Belos, not that she does anyways. And people will feel that. People have been wanting some real focus out of TOH since between Seasons 1 and 2. It's just that it's usually shown through hype for the ideas they're invested in rather than criticism. So what is that fans of Hunter as a main character are actually asking for? They'd like the plot. They'd like to feel like the show had a point to everything it was doing because that's ALL Hunter is about because he's right next to Belos. You would hope there'd be more intrigue and more momentum to events, as well as more satisfaction to him leaving his uncle. I think that's also why I didn't really ever see anyone ask for Amity to be the main character and instead call that white favoritism (outside of possibly these being white chicks claiming white favoritism who look at Hunter and want him). Amity... Doesn't have a focus. She should theoretically interact with the plot too but she struggles to even interact with the plot hooks connected to her FAMILY. She would fracture the show more, not less. At least in whatever warped version of the show doesn't have Luz. It's a mess but it's a fairly benign mess. I think it mostly speaks to the fact that Luz just... isn't as special a main character as some people preach. I mean... I grew up on Danny Phantom and Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. Those had nerd protaganists. Protaganists who were bullied and the like. Who adapted behavior somewhat to that unlike SOMEONE. Luz is... a cheerful, excitable protaganist in a fantasy world that she's excited to be in, gets powers only she has in and forms a quick hare- cast of characters around her of the most special people there. She's really not that new, let alone for an Isekai. Anne was more shocking as a protaganist simply for the fact that she DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE. But going further with that is... A whole different blog. For now... Same criticisms as always effectively. TOH's focus sucks so why wouldn't want someone who is given the importance of a main character to be a new one for it if it meant more focus? Because Hunter IS treated like a main character, more than even Amity, with how important he is to everything and everyone.

[bubblydalya]

Chapter 3 - Roomie

Memories

~~~~~~~~~~~

2019 - Dalia - 9 years

"Mommy someone is at the door"

No response, I went to find mom first, dad always told me not to open door for strangers.

"MooOOoOm where are yoOooO??"

I went almost all over the house, except her bedroom and bathroom.

Mother never wanted me to go there. Probably because of the drugs. But I wanted to find her to open the door.

"Moommy there's someone at the door!"

I yelled a little, but still no response. I even tried to bang at the door until I just opened her door. There was no one in the bedroom but bathroom door were slightly open.

Through the crack open door I saw mother probably dead from overdose. Then front door burst open, little me scared, hid in mom's closet.

I Heard heavy foot steps downstairs and then I heard them going up the stairs. I was shaking in fear, my heart was pounding. I curled up into a ball, when crocodile tears started rolling down my cheeks.

Those people were searching other rooms in the house. Then they opened moms bedroom door and I tried to not breath so loud. It was one person, I think, they were breaking things and at one point I thought I was safe, but them he burst open the closet door. I screamed in fear, he grabbed by the collar of my shirt and tossed me on the bed, he crawled behind me and injected me with some kind of injection, after a minute of trying to fight this man, with no success, I fell asleep and woke up at my curent room in the laboratory school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Now

" What the actual fuck? (!)"

I yelled a little when throwing a puch at the punching bag in my room. I don't want a fucking roomie to show around, my schedule is cut today which is good but I have to show her around! Like, everything! And this place is not small. Why can't they do it themselves? Even William is not around.

I wonder where is Willow. Haven't seen him in a while, he usually wants to meet newbies real soon for some sort of bond.

We were in the middle of self defense practice, I should shower, I don't wanna sting.

And I wanna change into more comfortable clothing. (The practice clothes:):

After not so long but relaxing shower I dressed into some comfy clothes:



Before the roomie arrived, which is taking suspiciously long, some guys brought her bed and cabinet. Now my room looks smaller than before. Her cabinet is next to mine and so is her bed (not completely next).

After the shower, I calmed down, at least I would do a good first impression.

I heard knocking on my door, so I went to open it and there she was, Lex.

I greeted her then let her in, now our room. I didn't really wanted to talk so I just sat there on my bed, while she was unpacking her things. There was not much stuff, just few clothes, some books too and her weapons, it is a kunai attached to a chain and the chain it was attached at the other end to a thing that is put around the wrist:

And then she pulled put a FUCKIN' katana lady's and gentlemen, what the fuck, that shit must be heavy. I was just sitting there bolling (idk how to spell it) my eyes out. She saw my expression and had hold a lough, it must had been priceless.

I wanted to let out the dork I was deeply inside, and kept trying to keep my cool. But Oh my Gods, these things are cooler that I expected. I only saw them (except for the Katana) in those old books in the libery!

My dorkiness slipped in front of Jasper, after the dinner to let Lex be for a moment (secretly praying that she wont go around my stuff) and told her about her stuff, how I how think it is cool.

"Dude, you have to see it, I never saw that stuff before in real!..." I was yapping about how many stuff you can do with it and so on Jasper was happy for me that the roomate was not a trouble yet, but there was something in her eyes that I couldn't figure out.

The Jasper said: „ You should go meet her more and don't do jump to conclusions, you don't know exactcly who she is."

" You're probably right, but didn't you wanna spend more time with me?"

Jasper shook her head 'no' and whooshed me out her room, cuz' she had 'stuff to do'.

Bavk in my room, I was still silent. I just don't know how to start...

"So um...you got a cool weapon"

"Um....thanks (?)"

Then, there was awkward silence. I guess she's not a talkative person, the problem is I'm not talkative too. I should still probably ask for her name.

" Can I just, get your name??"

"Lex Lemaire"

"Interesting name you got, I didn't hear it before."

.

.

"Thanks"

.

.

.

Silence

.

.

Again

.

I don't usually mind it with Jasper or Willow but... she's got this weird aura. I don't know how to describe it.

'Man, I don't know what to say, she got this weirdly powerful aura'

.

.

"Listen Dalia, There's no need to exchange pleasantries. It's rather pathetic to force a conversation just to occupy silence."

.

.

.

.

.

"I didn't tell you my name"

Right after I said it, I tried to push her into a wall by a spell I learned."

(The power should look like this :):

But she was faster than I thought, she dodged my attack with her speed and pushed me into corner between wall and the bed. I groaned a little " who the fuck are you.." then tried to push her of off me but she had put her knee on my chest, putting her almost whole weight on me. I just huffed and looked her dead in the eyes, those light, almost white blue eyes, her pupil was really thin, like those cats in books.

"Listen, I don't wanna cause trouble, it's just one of my powers - Telepathy so please stop trying to fight me off or you'll hurt yourself."

I smirked at her saying "Is that a threat?"

She bent down closer to my face and said:

"No, a warning"

[the-laridian]

1-5 for Gunnar, 6-10 for Willow, 11-15 for Greta, and 16-20 for Rufus !

ok!

Gunnar! (FNV) 1 - Race/Species - Human 2 - SPECIAL stats - ooooh crap I should have this written down somewhere by now, but I don't XD He's a Charisma/Intelligence build with low Perception (which is how I explained him/me constantly walking into mines and traps). 3 - In-game songs - I don't actually listen to the radio in-game! But I'd have to say Ghost Riders in the Sky. 4. How does he feel about people from before the war? - well he has a very close connection with them, it turns out. He's very aware that they were just people, some of them good, some bad, most of them just trying to get along in their lives. 5 - Where is he from? - Born in Bismarck, North Dakota, but ended up living in the mountain states/Four Corners area for a big chunk of his adult life.

Willow! (FO76) 6 - What faction(s) is he currently a part of? - well, he sides with the Settlers, and is on good terms with MODUS, which would upset some people if they knew. (Can you be part of the Enclave if you don't really understand what they're about, and aren't told the more unsavory parts, but you still get the cool uniform?) 7 - What faction(s) in the past? - technically, Vault 76, though he avoids most of the other Vault Dwellers, particularly the Overseer. He's good friends with Ricky Gee though. ( @theartofblossoming 's FO76er) 8 - Has he met any canon characters? - well, pretty much all of them, I think. Not so much the BoS gang. 9 - Friends with canon characters? - Beckett, Beckett's brother Frank, but Willow is not as sociable as some of my OCs and he's fine being acquaintances rather than friends. Biv’s fun to hang around with, 10 - Romantic with any canon characters? - Yep, with Beckett.

Greta! (FO76) 11 - What weapon type? - ballistic. Greta was a sniper before the war, and she's kept up her skills. She can use the heavy ballistic weapons too. 12 - Armor type - Greta uses whatever armor has the most stopping power. She doesn't like power armor much, but can use it if she has to. Also, pocketed like whoa. 13 - Comics/Magazines - the US Covert Ops stuff, mostly. To a lesser extent, Guns & Bullets (she thinks it's a little too sensational/over the top sometimes, not to mention patronizing) 14 - Chems - None. Not even alcohol. 15 - Would she keep a wasteland pet? - at one point she had a radstag doe following her around like a dog. (She didn't have Wasteland Whisperer, so it wasn't that). The deer had a big happy dopey grin on its face and wasn't afraid, which, she figured that would mean it was going to get itself killed. But she shot anything that came near it, and they hung out together for a few days. That's about it. She'd probably get a dog at some point just because a dog is useful. Plus, better company than people.

Rufus! (FNV) Rufus is still very young so some of this is predicted :) 16 - Any cosmetic surgery/tattoos? - He'll want one when he's grown, and deal with "but I shouldn't get one" / "Dad won't like it" and wrestle with that for longer than necessary. 17 - Afraid of radiation? - Cautious about it, but since it's invisible and undetectable if you don't have a Pipboy, it also falls under "not much I can do about it if I wander into it". 18 - How does he feel about killing? - Very pacifistic for his culture (which weirds people out). Ends up as an adult with the nickname "the Merciful" which isn't necessarily meant as a positive. He doesn't want to kill anything or anyone. Yes, there's self-defense, but it should still be a last resort. 19 - How about robots? - they're rather offputting; he grew up without robots around, and they unnerve him. 20 - In another universe? Well, technically that's happened a couple of times now, lol, FNV is the most recent one. But he's a very unlikely protagonist for most games, because he wants to avoid combat. In other universes he'd probably go become a teacher or a doctor.

[banannabethchase]

Set the World Alight: Chapter 12 - also on AO3

~

It was going to happen eventually. Somebody was going to be cruel. But Matt's almost astonished at how many more people are kind. And violent. She didn't expect to be so giddy about the violence.

~

Warning: there is overt, explicit transphobia in this chapter by a side character. The transphobia is dealt with the way it should be: with fists and zero mercy. Please be cautious with yourself <3

~

Tuesday, March 11th

Matt

Matt slogs out of bed to make it to school, miserable and tied and so exhausted she doesn’t even know how to process it. Hours of trying to fix the broken sink, only for her dad to decide to call the plumber in the morning, have stolen her sanity.

“Why,” Nick mumbles, chugging his large iced coffee when Matt comes downstairs, “are we forced to exist as high school students?”

“Because the world hates us,” Matt mumbles. Her eyes are half shut as she sips her coffee. “Now stop talking before I remember we have a game this afternoon. I don’t think I’ll survive until then.”

They drive to school in near silence, a quiet Spotify playlist singing Ingrid Michaelson songs, and they shoot each other drowsy waves as they go to class. Matt was barely able to pick a normal outfit this morning, so focused on staying awake, that she pulled on dress she and Willow had picked up at Target over the weekend. At the very least, she’s comfortable.

Matt yawns her way through all of her classes, glad she’s pretty much at the point of coasting.

“You look dead,” Britt says. “What’s wrong with you?”

“The water pipe in our garage burst last night,” Matt mumbles. “Nick and Dad and I were up until, like, one in the morning fixing it.”

“Can’t you hire somebody to do that?”

Matt laughs. “Not when your dad is Matthew Jackson. He had all the materials and tools and whatever and insisted we help him. My mom was in charge of towels. And then he still couldn’t fix it.” She yawns again. “Oh, god, I’m gonna suck today.”

“You won’t,” Britt says. “Because, if you do, Athena will kill you.”

“Thanks for the support,” Matt mumbles, and she drains her energy drink.

~

Nick

Nick yawns as he starts the warm up, dropping his bags next to the bench as he gets dizzy.

“What are you doing?” Mox calls to hm. “We’ve got, like, an hour before the game starts.”

“If I sit down, I’ll fall asleep,” Nick says. “Last night we were all up really late at home.”

Mox frowns. “Yeah, Matt cut the goodnight call off because of – I think she said something with the sink?” Nick nods and yawns again.

“Water pipe busted.”

Mox winces. “That blows.”

Nick and Mox practice passing and shooting hoops as the other players walk in, and, finally, the other team. They’re from the town over, so Nick sort of knows them. Which is unfortunate, because some of them are real dicks.

“Heads up,” Nick mutters to Mox.

Mox glances over and rolls his eyes. “Oh, great. Them.”

The cheer team comes in next, dressed up for the game. Mox gets immediately distracted.

“I’ll – talk to you during the game,” Mox says, sending Nick a quick, concerned look. “I don’t trust these guys.”

Nick watches at Mox jogs his way over to Matt, pulling her in close and whispering something in her ear. And then he sees the people he was worried about on the other team.

The previous year, one of the guys on the team from Granville whispered some pretty horrible things about some of the players. Racist things, homophobic things. Small town white America horrible kind of things.

Nick has a sudden wash of realization of what might happen when they lock their eyes on Matt.

“Hey,” Nick says, yanking Cole’s arm, “keep an eye out for that kid with the weird bleach blonde hair.”

Cole follows his gaze. “Oh, shit. I remember that guy.” His gaze goes hard. “Want me to kill him if he does anything?”

“You?”

Cole shrugs. “I mean, me and Kyle could take him out, yeah?”

“We’ll just see who gets there first,” Nick says, tone dark. “I’m too tired for this. If he pulls anything…” Nick trails off, letting the threat hang in the air. He can’t shake this feeling of wrong.

“Don’t worry,” Cole says, clapping him on the shoulder. “If they pull anything, we’ve all got each other’s backs.”

Nick tries to smile. But it won’t come.

~

Matt

“Mox,” Matt says, beaming up at him. “Hi. What’s up?” There’s some sort of tension behind his eyes, something tight that worries her. “Everything okay?”

Mox frowns. He doesn’t nod. He doesn’t shake his head. “Hopefully,” he mutters. “Just. If anybody says anything to you, tell me. Okay?”

“Oh, right,” Matt says, sighing. “This team.” She looks over Mox’s shoulder. “They’re the ones who were being awful about Willow last time, right?”

“Among other things,” Mox says. She can see something behind his eyes. “Just…don’t go anywhere alone, baby. Alright?”

Matt nods. She’s never seen Mox like this before. Never seen him any type of anxious. It’s almost scary.

Adam, giant backpack over his shoulder, makes his way to the bleachers. She watches his expression shift as he checks his phone, and he slides down to the bottom of the bleachers. He doesn’t pull out any books. He doesn’t even have his phone out. He’s sitting, arms folded across his chest.

She’s not used to feeling a room fool of worry, is the thing. She’s been wary at the grocery store, at the mall, at the movies. But she’s never felt an imminent threat before.

“It’s going to be okay.” She exhales, practicing some of the grounding techniques her therapist has taught her over the years. “It’s going to be okay.” Matt’s on her way to the other cheerleaders, though, when it happens.

“Oh, shit!” The tone is mocking, attention-grabbing.

Matt glances over at the person shouting, confused. She twists the ends of one of her French braids in her fingers. It’s not exactly that she knew this was going to happen. It’s not even that she knows that tone of voice is directed at her.

But you can’t fight a gut feeling.

“I told you, Alex,” says the guy who spoke. Matt can’t help but notice the poorly executed trendy haircut on bleached blonde hair. “This is the team with the tranny on it.”

Her entire body goes cold.

Matt moves to step up to him, but four things happen at once:

Adam half flies across the court toward the guy who spoke.

Jamie’s a whirl of French braids and rage zooming past Matt from the cheer bench

Nick’s jumped off of the bench behind Matt

And four, Mox, moving faster than Matt’s seen anybody move, pulls his fist back and slams it into the kid’s face.

Matt is not into this. She is not into the way Mox shakes out his hand, like it’s nothing, like he’s done this before.

“Talk louder,” Mox snarls, looming over the kid, laid out on the ground. “I fuckin’ dare you.”

Adam skids to a stop next to him, shoulder to shoulder. Then Nick, then Jamie.

It’s pretty much mayhem, the next couple of moments. Matt steps in to trip a guy, sending him to the floor. Somebody throws a punch at Mox and hits him in the nose, but Mox laughs and headbutts him so hard he falls to the floor.

The adults, stupefied for the first moment, rush in soon after. Matt’s a little smug at the way the guy she tripped is half crying on the ground, holding his face. Adam’s flattened a guy with one move with his forearm, and Mox has taken on two of them at once and gotten a bloody nose for the effort. Matt has to force herself not to climb him like a tree. Jamie has the bleach blonde kid in a headlock while Nick stares him down, hand twisted in his hair, and Matt’s never felt so safe in her life.

“Break it up,” Coach Gunn says.

Coach Rayne comes up to Matt and checks her face, her arms. “Are you alright, sweetheart?”

“I’m fine,” Matt says, even though she’s shaking a little bit. “I’m fine.”

Coach Gunn is peeling Jamie and Nick off of the bleach blonde guy, and Matt stares him down. He blinks first.

“That’s what I thought,” she says in her prissiest voice as she tosses her braid over her shoulder.

The other coach comes over. “Jesus Christ, Marcus, this is strike three.” He nods at Gunn and grabs his player by the shoulder, spinning him around. “Get your ass on the bench. You’re removed from the team.” He looks over at the other three. “And y’all are on this ice.”

Matt follows his gaze to the three on the ground, looking miserable. The other players come over. Matt doesn’t want to be that person, but he thinks he spots a few of them smiling at him, including a boy with what may just be a rainbow necklace.

“Thank you,” says one of the other team. “We’ve been wanting to do that to those four for, like, years.”

Mox lets out a great laugh, one Matt wants to hold in her pocket for the rest of her life. “You insult my girlfriend, you go through me.” He stares everybody in the room down . “Warning to everybody, I guess.” Mox turns and walks toward Matt, pulling her in and kissing her so hard she forgets her own name. When he pulls back his smile is soft and gentle. The one he saves just for her. “You hear me? Nobody messes with my girl.” He presses a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, Matty.”

Matt’s heart is beating so fast she can’t catch her breath, is so into this guy she gets to call hers she can’t think. “Okay,” she manages to say. For some reason, she feels like she’s going to cry. It could be because of the slur she had to hear, it could be because of the violence she witnessed. But she thinks it’s because of the confession of dedication she just heard from Mox, and she’s pretty sure she knows it now.

“Yeah?” Mox asks, smile reaching his eyes.

Matt nods and leans in again. Mox starts kissing every ounce of sanity out of Matt, and she’s happy to let it happen, despite the blood, despite the violence. Nick clears his throat, and Matt pulls away.

“Um,” says Coach Gunn, frowning. “Now, I think I’m legally required to, like, yell at you about that. Or take you out of the game, since you technically threw the first punch. Though it was definitely deserved.” His eyes follow the kid being taken out by his coach. “And to get you checked out by a doctor or something.”

“Oh, no,” says the referee, “no, this game isn’t happening. You just had an all-out fight on the court. I’m calling this one a forfeit on both sides.”

“Forfeit?!” says the kid who yelled about Matt, twisting around in his coach’s grip. “They started it!”

“They did not,” says the ref firmly. “You used a transphobic slur. What did you think was going to happen?”

The kid opens and closes his moth a few times, clearly baffled at the consequences of his actions, and Matt allows himself to feel a little smug about it.

“I’m fine, Coach,” Mox says, dabbing at his nose. “Shit, I’m really leaking like a faucet, aren’t I?”

“Kind of,” Matt agrees as they make their way backstage to the trainer’s. She looks down at her uniform, the white stained nearly pink. “I have blood, like. Everywhere.”

Mox grins. “Makes you look badass, though. Kind of warrior princess, you know?”

Matt leans in and kisses Mox again. She touches Mox’s face, wiping some of the blood where it’s slowed to a trickle out of his nose. She doesn’t care that it’s staining her cheer uniform, that it’s ruined her makeup, that there’s blood in her hair. “I like that idea.”

They make it to the trainer’s room.

“Mox, you’ve always bled like a stuck pig,” Doc Sampson says, a little laugh behind it. He dabs at Mox’s nose. “Matty, you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s not my blood.”

Doc Sampson raises an eyebrow. “You fought?”

“No, it’s mine,” Mox says. “But after, I had to kiss my girl. They were being jackasses. Had to show them who was the lucky one here.”

Matt watches Doc’s face carefully, prepared for shock or horror or disgust, with the way the day is going. But, instead, Doc just smiles.

“My little girl is trans, too,” he says. “She’s in third grade. Maybe…Maybe the two of you could get ice cream? Talk?”

Matt nods. “Yeah. I. I think that would be cool.”

Doc nods and tends to Mox.

“Do you know where the other guy is?” Matt asks. Mox keeps a hand on hers, fingers intertwined. She squeezes it. “Are they bringing him in here?”

“Absolutely not,” Doc says, shaking his head. “They have their own trainer. They can work in the backup room.”

Matt smiles. “Thanks, Doc.”

Doc nods. “We protect ours, right? Nobody messes with the kids, mine or my athletes.”

Doc and Matt are quiet while Mox chatters on about stories when he’d broken bones in the past, Matt’s fingers still entwined with Mox’s. It feels casual now, safe, like Matt doesn’t have to watch her back or turn around every five seconds to make sure no one is on their way to hurt her.

“Alright,” Doc says, “I’ll grab you some more gauze from the back before you leave, just in case your nose starts bleeding again. Don’t bump it!”

“I’m not gonna bump it,” Mox says, rolling his eyes. “Matt, please don’t bump my nose.”

“I’ll do my best,” Matt promises.

They’re left alone, finally, after everything. Matt hops off the bench and starts pacing the small distance she can manage while still holding Mox’s hand. She doesn’t realize how hard she’s gripping his hand until she sees him wince for the first time.

“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice shaky.

“Don’t worry about it, baby,” Mox says, voice soft and gentle. “Are you okay?”

Matt nods. She’s not going to cry, she doesn’t think. She doesn’t feel the urge. “I’m okay,” she says.

“I’m so sorry you had to hear it.” Mox reaches out with grabby hands, and Matt steps into his space, burying her face into his chest. “That guy’s an ass and the worst person in this building, by far. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Matt mumbles into Mox’s chest.

Mox sighs, tightening his hands around her, burying his now clean face into her neck. “I should – I should have hit him before he started talking. You shouldn’t have had to hear him say that – that word.” Mox exhales again, then leans back. He smiles down at Matt, adjusting her hair where it poofed out of her braids.

Matt doesn’t even think before she says what’s next. She just knows she has to say it. “I love you.”

Mox’s eyes widen. “Really?”

Matt nods, unsure that she meant to say it now, but sure. No matter what, she’s sure. “I do.”

“I love you, too,” Mox says, smiling. “But you already knew that.” And what can Matt do but lean in and kiss him again?

~

Nick

Nick is a little unsteady, trying to get his breathing under control. He’s never been in a fight before. He’s always known it was a possibility, that kind of hatred, toward his friends and Matt for being who they are, but he didn’t expect it so blatant. He didn’t expect it to come to his sister first.

“Are you okay?” Adam asks. He rests a hesitant hand on Nick’s shoulder. “You’re kind of shaking.”

Nick’s quiet for a moment. He watches the other coach go off on the boys that had backed the transphobe, half dragging them away from the court and out the door toward what he hopes is the extra trainer’s room. It’s a comfort that the coach is showing them no sympathy, but it doesn’t feel like enough. “Matt shouldn’t have had to hear that.” He looks up into Adam’s clear, bright eyes. “We shouldn’t have had to do that.” Suddenly, he feels tears well up in his eyes. “Why did that have to happen?”

Like it’s automatic, like it’s happened a million times and it’s what’s expected of him, Adam pulls Nick in. He gathers Nick in his arms, holds him to his strong chest, and they stand there, just breathing. Nick cries. He cries and shakes and mourns the day he should have had, and Adam holds him silently. He doesn’t even think about how there were probably people there waiting, people there watching. People who can now see how effected he is by all this. And he doesn’t care.

Adam is making calm shushing noises, stroking his hair.

Nick pulls back a little, looking up at him. “Are you using your scared animal voice with me?” he asks.

Adam flushes pink. “Um. Okay, yes, but I thought it would help, and it did! You’re not crying anymore.” He reaches out and, with a callused thumb, gently brushes the tear away from Nick’s cheek. “Hey. You good?”

“I’m good,” Nick says, only half aware of the way he still has his arms wrapped around Adam’s waist. Like this is how they always stand. “Thanks for joining ranks with us to kick that guy’s butt.”

Adam smiles. “Of course. Thanks for texting me heads up beforehand. I was ready.” He reaches up and tucks Nick’s ponytail back over his shoulder. “Nobody messes with my best friends, right?”

The two of them help the other girls on the cheer team clean up their bags and everything. It’s slow work, though, everyone recuperating from the stressful events.

“I would have killed him,” Jamie says as she takes off her basketball sneakers and throws them in her bag so hard they bounce. “You hear me? I would have killed them if they’d let me.”

“We know, babe,” Britt murmurs, rubbing Jamie’s back. “It’s okay.”

They talk, a little. But it’s clear they’re all killing time, waiting for Mox and Matt to come back.

“You guys can go,” Nick says, doing his best to mimic a smile. “I mean, you don’t have to. But I’ll take care of her. And Mox, too.”

“And me,” Adam says. “I’ve got them, too. Don’t forget about me.”

“No one would forget about you, Cowboy,” Cole says, clapping Adam on the back. “Good work.”

The crowd dissipates quickly, an unseasonably warm March afternoon now open to all of them, and Adam bumps the back of Nick’s hand when they’re alone.

“You good?” he asks quietly.

“Yeah,” Nick says, “I mean – I guess, yeah.” He fidgets again, bumping Adam’s hand. “I just want to make sure Matt’s okay, is all.”

“I’m not asking if Matt’s okay, Nicky,” Adam says. He steps in front of Nick, tilting Nick’s chin up to meet his eyes. Nick’s heart races. “I’m asking if you’re okay.”

“I –” Nick exhales again and can’t stop himself from falling into Adam’s chest again, hugging him close. A few moments pass while Adam rubs his back, and then Nick pulls back. He’s close to Adam’s face, and if he leaned in. If he admitted what he really wanted –

Somebody clears their throat, and Nick and Adam jump away from each other.

“Adam.”

Nick turns to see Mox and Matt. Mox looks focused, determined. Matt just looks confused.

“Yeah?” he asks hesitantly. Nick hates the way Adam tenses, like he’s getting ready to be fought. “What’s up?”

Mox looks to Matt, who, still confused, just shrugs. Mox walks up to Adam and Nick doesn’t even have a chance to step in.

Mox throws his arms around Adam’s shoulders, hugging him close. “Thank you, man.”

Adam throws a bewildered look over Mox’s shoulder to Nick. Nick can’t do anything but shrug, befuddled beyond belief. “For what?”

“Coming to back me up,” Mox says, stepping backward. “Um, earlier. You didn’t leave us high and dry.”

Adam nods, slowly, like he’s not quite sure what’s going on. “Of – of course I’d step in. Nobody messes with Matty, right?”

Nick looks over to see Matt beaming. She seems to be seeing something in the moment Nick just can’t yet.

“I’m sorry I punched you back in middle school,” Mox says. “I mean, I know it was a while ago, but I never apologized, which is shitty. I, uh, I think you’re a pretty good dude. I get it if you don’t want anything to do with me, but I just wanted you to know, like.” He shrugs. “You’re a good person, and I appreciate that.”

Adam looks bewildered. “I – okay. I mean, yeah. We don’t really have an issue now, right?”

Mox shakes his head. “Not unless you think we do, that is.”

Adam smiles. “Cool, I. I’m glad we’re good.”

“Can we get lunch or something?” Matt says, sneaking up beside Mox and slipping her hand into his. “If we don’t have a game, we can get food or something.” She blinks. “We could always go to – ”

“No Sonic,” the three boys say all at once.

Matt stares at them, blinking. “How did you all know I was gonna say Sonic?”

“Because they have cherry limeades and popcorn chicken, and those are your favorite things together,” Mox says, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “And then you complain, every time, that they didn’t give you enough extra cherries.”

“I don’t –”

“You definitely do,” Adam says. “Every time we have an option to get food, you always say Sonic and then you always complain about the cherries.”

Matt turns to Nick.

“Don’t look at me for help,” he says. “They’re right.”

“You three suck,” Matt says, pouting.

“Let’s Taco Bell or something,” Mox says. “I want a crunch wrap.”

Matt and Mox are in front as they get to parking lot, their hands swinging between them. Nick looks over at Adam quickly, fast enough he doesn’t think Adam can see it. And begins to wonder how long he can fight this off.

Adam’s quiet, too, and Nick wants to ask, wants to say something, wants to bring it up. But he’s too scared.