#it's kinda funny realizing that base on the timeline they only liked me when i was in an abusive situation

[redysetdare]

Some Ex-friends completely ruined me lately and a therapist I talked to (temporary, not my main one as they are out of office for a bit) and was told "Well, at least you know what to look out for in future friends" and I didn't know how to explain that: no. I don't. There were no red flags. These people were reasonable. they were kind and caring. Their sudden switch in deciding they didn't like me anymore was out of nowhere to me. it's not like there were signs or problems I could've picked up on. It was not something I could've looked out for.

That's why it's ruined me so much. That's why it's caused me to hesitate on even bothering to make new friends. The fact is that I thought these people cared about me. they did care to an extent at one point. They seemed like people I could be vulnerable with. How am I supposed to allow that every again? I don't know the signs of people who will ditch me the moment I become "too depressed" for them to handle. I don't know what to look out for to tell me if someone isn't worth opening up to. These people had all the green flags and still treated me like shit in the end. I don't know how to explain how much that ruins you. how much that breaks any trust in being vulnerable to any extent with people in the future. I don't know what to look out for. That's what is so scary. That's what is so upsetting.

I'm pretty sure I was already aplatonic but now this whole situation has just made me accept that I just don't even want to try to have friends. acquaintances is fine. I never cared about actively making friends before but now it's one of those things where I just won't make them at all. Everyone can stay a safe ways away from me instead because it's very obvious friendship isn't something made for me to partake in.

[zvezdacito]

Ranking Malleus's Valentines Messages from 2021-2024🔥

People finally got the 2024 ones so I decided to make a list like this. Mostly based off which ones have both the most interesting contents and which ones are the sweetest(?) in a sense to Yuu lol. Terminal Malleyuu brain + and I mean they are Valentines cards after all.

Going from least to most personally favored:

4th: 2023

Text: "To my dear friend-

Thank you. Never did I envision someone presenting me with the gift of sweet treats. It would be a shame for me to eat them all by myself. I think I'll share them with you. Would you be willing to provide the tea to go with them?"

Very broadly friendly and nice I guess, but the message of the text is basic and the design of the letter card is also kinda basic🥀 like tbh if you changed the color of this card you could mistake this for something Riddle wrote instead. The ones for this year really just felt like they ran out of ideas and gave up, this is the only one on this list I can say I definitely don't really like that much

3rd: 2022

Text: "To my good friend-

A gift? For me, of all people? Your tastes are...distinctive, I must say. Worry not, though- I enjoyed it, of course. What would you like in return, I wonder? I shall take great pleasure in speculating the answer to that question."

Definitely more interesting than the 2023 one and his personality really comes out in the writing here. Though because of how his closeness to Yuu is characterized here I now feel like it would make more sense if this was the first card and the 2021 was the second one, since if you take the cards to be written in a chronological timeline it kinda feels like Malleus's closeness to Yuu regressed out of nowhere

Not saying people can't change or grow apart later on, but here it kinda has the vibe that he straight up hasn't met them much yet so its as if this was earlier into their relationship. Basically feels if Book 3-4 Malleus got the gift, while 2021 is like Book 6 and onwards Malleus getting the gift.

I really like this one both for the yuu crumbs and it's characterization of Malleus himself, but it's number 3 simply by default of me personally liking the next two more. The gap between it and 2023 is huge😭

2nd: 2024

Text: "To my good friend-

Thank you for your gift. Hmm... This fragrance is meant for pleasure and relaxation? What a tasteful choice. I rather like it; perhaps I shall take more of an interest in these things. You would be welcome to pay me a visit, by the way, should you feel so inclined. I would enjoy sharing an old tale or two."

These are probably the most fun design for the letter cards so far. I think after last year (the 2023 one) they realized they really did run out of ideas for box shaped letters lol.

In general I just like the very sweet and casual friendship implied in this card. As usual he is doing everything in his power to invite Yuu to his place at any given opportunity. Cute how when they hang out they'll tell each other chismis stories, and that Malleus is gonna commit to getting into something just because Yuu gifted it to him. TLDR he's very comfortable around Yuu here that's awesome

1st: 2021

Text: "Dearest,

My thanks for such a truly wonderful present. It is only fitting that I should give you something in return. How about the gift of beauty? Perhaps the gift of song? Or... Well, never mind. Just a joke based on the legends, you know. I shall give you something I picked out myself."

I don't really think anything will ever fully top this one tbh. The greeting just being "Dearest" was so powerful they had to pull bro to the side and tell him to tone it down for the next 3 years🥀

The "gift of beauty song or..." lines can be taken as just him being 3 seconds away from jumping to smooch Yuu (given in the movie the last gift was true loves kiss related after maleficent cursed the baby) which is honestly kinda funny. Down bad /j

Ok back to the main point and minus speculations. This is tied with the 2024 one with showing how close and comfortable (shown by how forward and playful he is here no concern of maintaing image or such) this point of his relationship with Yuu is. This is also the card where he feels the most excited and energetic I guess which is why it's still my overall favorite. Displex had no choice contain the raw Malleyuu power in this one to avoid bias accusations idk

If you want to read into it more I think it's also kinda funny that this could lowkey be taken as him saying we suck at singing/look ugly. And the reason he stopped before revealing the last line is because he realize the joke had already come off as insulting to a human not familiar with the Briar Valley even if his intention was just to be playful as friends do.

Although that would be consistent with the characterization of Malleus as being honest if anyone's performance in something (even Yuu from what we see in voicelines) is lackluster.

He is constructive tho. In these same voicelines usually offers to help teach them to get better and acknowledging it as a feat/compliment itself when they slightly improve, instead of the fanon characterization (usually for masterchef comics) that once he finds out Yuu is behind something he will autonomatically just see it as good quality already.

So yeah idk that's nice and awesome

↑ Drive compiling of the rest of the 2024 Valentines letter pics I found on twitter. There's still some characters missing + trying to look for a clearer picture of the Malleus one lol

[new-tella-us]

Lil Fun Fact about me

I was obsessed with this game at about 14 years old. (I know. Too young. I didn't read the age warning) And while I went through the hyperfixation that would define my current re-hyperfixation, here's how lil babu me felt about each character.

James- Neutral. Idk 14 year old me didn't get it. I was not that girl. I thought he was a little boring. Uh, that opinion changed. Of all the boys, I currently think he's the hottest honestly. Also for some reason, I thought James was 26 instead of 23. So that not only inspire him being 26 when I aged up a few character (Mika included) but also when I went back into the game and thought he was 26 trying to get with an 18 year old, I was giving him (and Michaela) some MAJOR side eye. Then the wiki educated me.

Erik- I kinda disliked him. I thought his flirty personality was annoying and I didn't like that he just kissed Mika out of no where. (still don't honestly) I think I lowkey agreed with Oribel. To 14 year old me, the man was icky. Also again, I thought he was 25 so I was like "Eeeeeeewwwwwww". Again, the wiki made me realize that he was 22. Nowadays, while he's not my favorite, I find his flirting funny and think the voice actor did an amazing job. I also understand his arc and that made him a much better character in my eyes.

Sam- Fucking HATED this man. Loathed even. I thought he was rude, mean and all around I hated the tsundere trope. An opinion I had (and still have to a less passion degree) is that you shouldn't have to earn basic treatment. No one's baseline treatment of you should be rude and condescending. And that's true.... in real life. I'm far more chill about Sam simply because I give him more leeway based on the world he lives in. Would I like a real life Sam? No. Can I now appreciate his arc within the confines of a video game? Yes.

Matthew- I'm pretty sure he was my favorite character. Loved his fun loving attitude and carefree persona. Plus Simon Tabby. We love Simon Tabby, We stan Simon Tabby. Though I will say, his worst ending in game two gave me nightmares. My opinion of him hasn't really changed much. Still love the guy but he has been dethroned by someone else.

Damien- My second favorite character at 14! I'll be honest, it was mainly because he suffered. Don't get me wrong, 14 year old me liked his sweetness but without his tragic backstory, I would have probably found him boring like James. Uh again clearly that's changed. His backstory still hits hard but I can better appreciate just how tooth rottingly sweet he is. Plus I just like soft boys and that sadistic side doesn't hurt. He has absolutely become my fav! (Sorry Matthew, you're still my second fav)

Diana- I didn't see her run or really care about her romance with Saero. I knew she had a run but never cared to see it. So I was just more confused with her massive 180 in personality from Otome to Demon War. I did think she was hot though. Nowadays, my inner bisexual makes me rabid for this girl. The only reason she doesn't appear on my timeline much is because I know there is an entire book about her that I am currently unable to get and I don't want to rewrite something I don't understand. That feels disrespectful.

[error4343]

After all those years of not having references, it's finally here... Let me present to you:

Fanon Skyvik timeline + bunch of my personal headcanons for their relationships!

To see actual timeline - click on image.

Before diving deeper: This timeline isn’t very well thought out and mostly based on headcanons, so there can and likely is huge divergence from the canonical timeline!

Pre-teen years

Viktor’s parents preferred him to play on the highest levels of Zaun so he wouldn't breathe Antresole's toxins. That's how he met Sky.

Nothing special happened in this period of time. Just two kids messing around, dreaming of becoming the greatest scientists of all Runeterra. 

Their senior-assistant dynamic was firstly established, but not quite reinforced.

From early years Sky became protective over her friend. Viktor was (and reminds) not very happy about it, but in the harshness of Undercity protection was necessary.

Early puberty

Oh boy here we go, first romantic shenanigans. 

It was time when Sky understood that she likes her friend not only as friend. It wasn't a serious romantic interest, more like “Omg he’s so cute”.

BUT BACK THERE IT WASN’T ONE SIDED!

Anyway, because of Sky’s shyness and Viktor’s fear to ruin their friendship, they never confessed their feelings to each other. 

It was time when they both slowly, but steadily came to realize they’re not only into the opposite gender.

Teens

The most bitter-sweet moment in the timeline. 

On one hand, those years were a peak for their friendship: both kinda lost their romantic interest, kept being supportive pals to each other and started to try to date someone.

Viktor even came up with the idea to set up their workshop so they can start to make money. So they did and it was a success.

On other hand: shit started to go down between Zaun and Piltover and also with their parents' health. 

Even though they never wanted to leave their hometown, Viktor started to think if he could be more useful if somehow he gets into Academia, but for the time it was impossible due to ban of zaunits (it’s a pure hc).

Bridge rebellion & Aftermath 

Suppression of Bridge’s rebellion was so horrifying, that the Council decided to lift zaunit’s ban in order to soften the edges. At the same time, due to the failure of the rebellion, inner conflicts started (hc: which led to a split between Silco and Vander). 

But not only this: Viktor’s parents died due to smoke poisoning and Sky mother’s health began to worsen drastically. 

Under the influence of despair from the failure of the uprising, the death of his parents and, in principle, the hopeless situation in Zaun, Vitya dares to leave the city and take advantage of the opportunity to enter the Academy.

During all of that stuff, both try to hold together their friendship and support each other, but despair ends up winning over Viktor.

Some time apart

Both are going through some shit: Sky - though struggles with life, Viktor - though nationalist intolerance and general struggles with adapting to Piltover.

Sky’s mom didn’t make it. 

After 1-2 hard work in the Academy, Viktor proved himself as worthy for the dean assistant position, and, thanks to that, was able to help Sky get to the Academy too. 

Act I

Even after reunion, relationships between those two never would be the same as it was in Zaun. But it would be more apparent in Act II.

At the same time, Sky’s romantic interest reincarnates, but this time it’s more mature and serious.

It was a time when Sky met Jayce! 

Funny thingy: due to gap in age and education, Viktor became thesis supervisor of Sky (I’m sure it’s not one of the reasons why they never got so close again).

Act II

Вon't have headcanons for this part of their lives for obvious reasons, but keep the homemade reference anyway!

[dk-wren]

Buddy Daddies Week - Ep. 1-4 Rewatch

Welcome to Day 2 of my Buddy Daddies Celebration Week! Today, I present to you some of my thoughts and musings from my rewatch of the whole series. Today will focus on episodes 1-4, with my thoughts and reactions for the remaining episodes being posted throughout the rest of the week.

For some reason (I honestly don’t know why), I was very adamant that the main timeline would eventually cross paths with the prologue and we’d see those events again or perhaps it would be referenced in a later episode. Obviously, it never did. And so thinking about it now, if I had to place where the prologue happened, I would guess between episodes 5 and 6 (I know this isn’t necessarily anything new or groundbreaking. This is just me going through my thoughts).

I was originally thinking sometime between Episode 4-6 since Rei had slowly begun his process of opening himself up to loving and taking care of Miri, or accepting that he is her papa. Episode 4 was my starting guess because that’s where we’re introduced to Miss Anna, and Miri actually starts attending daycare. Additionally, Rei is still a little reserved or closed off at this point. However, based on the first scene of ep. 5 and Kazuki’s financial gymnastics, it seems like it’s been awhile since their last mission. Which to me, wouldn’t make sense for them to go on the prologue mission between these two episodes. Rei’s walls start to come down some more in ep 5, and Kazuki and Rei both agree that they kinda need to take on a few more jobs to make a living. With Miri getting mad at Kazuki and fully letting him know how much she loves Rei, I feel anything after ep 6 would make the prologue mission feel out of place in terms of Rei’s behavior. Additionally, by this point it seems like Rei had slowly begun to help out more around the house and with Miri. Therefore, with Rei and Kazuki needing to complete the mission they were on in the prologue, but Rei seemingly not as observant or involved with taking care of Miri, that is why I am placing the events of the prologue between episodes 5 and 6.

The way the kitty just snuggles up next to Rei! She knows she’s safe and protected next to him (and maybe that he’s always been a good person who is capable of loving another!!!)

Rei seems to have some understanding of Christmas, did he celebrate this when he was younger? Since that seems highly unlikely, did he just pick up on it and learn over time? Or did Rei experience his first true Christmas living with Kazuki?!

Random thought of the episode…is this their truck? Where do they park it/store it since we only see it on missions?

Love how Miri's priorities are cake first, finding papa second

Is it bad that it took me reading someone’s post on here to realize Kazuki and their target, Atsushi Hayami, were meant to look similar? Like I see it now, but on a first watch, I was completely oblivious to it.

This opening!!! I remember watching this scene for the first time and just thinking to myself, yep, that’s a four year old. And Kazuki, this man is already questioning everything. But also, despite being the one who is more prepared to be a father, I like how this scene shows how there are things that Kazuki is learning and may not have considered without experience

I don’t know a whole lot about name honorifics or modifies in Japanese, but I love how after Rei rejects “Papa” Kazuki still tries to keep it a family name with “Uncle” (before settling with “Rei-kun” for this episode and part of the following one).

Based on his reaction, I get a feeling this was the first time Kazuki made Rei french toast. If so, I wonder if Miri asked for Kazuki to make it or if he just decided that’s what would be for breakfast

Out of context, this scene is still pretty funny, like Miri managed to destroy their apartment in probably a few hours at most. When I watched this clip the first time, I always thought when Rei said “cover” (at least, according to the translation), he was talking to Kazuki. As in, to keep Miri distracted, they told her they were playing hide and seek, with Miri hiding and they would be the ones to find her. After watching the episode, I picked up that Rei was meant to be directing that comment at Miri, which I love how seriously he says it like its an actual critique. Just goes to show I guess how much Rei has grown over the course of the show in his approach to playing with/talking to Miri.

Moment of appreciation for this iconic scene!

I feel like I should have taken this post credit scene more seriously when it came out because wow did it do a good job of formally introducing Ogino and just what would be in store when this fun little family comedy took a turn

How do I hug little Rei while simultaneously punch Shigeki?

I really enjoy how despite Kazuki trying to get Rei to take on the title “papa” or “uncle” in the previous episode, both he and Miri respect that he doesn’t want to be called either name and generally will use “-kun” instead

Even though up until this point, Rei hasn’t been actively shown to take the lead in caring for or wanting to keep Miri, I love how he can already see right through Kazuki’s stance that they should return Miri to her mother

I’d argue this exchange just goes to show how much Miri already loves and accepts Rei as her papa, even if he does not actively return the gesture. She wants to know where he is and when Kazuki says he doesn’t know, she actively goes out to try and find him. Then, she comforts him in ways she’s probably familiar with: staying by his side and by saying the smile spell

This man is a hitman and (as we learn in a later episode) used to do gaming all-nighters, but is absolutely dead after playing for no more than a few hours with Miri. Another very accurate portrayal of how draining spending time with children can be, in terms of keeping up with their energy level

Based on the brief background given about Misaki and the impressions at least I took away from this episode, I wonder if this is what Misaki told Miri about who her father was and why he was not present in their lives

Nothing to add, just gonna leave this scene here.

While I totally understand Kazuki and Rei’s reactions, and empathize with the messes Miri is accidentally creating, it says a lot about Miri in how she wants to spend time with both of them and/or help out with chores

One of my favorite, small moments, is the two times in this episode where music is playing as Kazuki and Miri start walking in one direction, with Rei heading the other way, only for the music to cut abruptly and show Rei forced to go wherever the other two are headed

As Miri is figuring out daycare herself, I think it’s sweet how her future friends, Kotori and Hinata, are the ones to somewhat explain why they don’t want to play with Miri (and why the other children feel the same way)

This post credit scene or the one from ep 4 is probably my favorite. Just another example of Miri showing how much love she has for her two papas. I also can’t help but wonder how many items in Miri’s room were chosen by her (aside from toys and decor) and how many were chosen by Kazuki and Rei? Also, how long did this take them? And please tell me that Kazuki dragged Rei with him as they went furniture shopping.

Also, if Miri only got her room at the end of the episode, where did she sleep the two nights they went shopping? Because in the beginning of the episode, Miri is still seen sleeping on the couch, but both times all of their shopping bags are covering the area where the sofa is. I think I’m looking to hard into this…

.

.

.

Thank you again for your support and for reading this post!

I hope you enjoyed reading some of my thoughts and random questions I had while rewatching this show (which I decided to edit down since this post would have gotten really really long otherwise-debating if I wanna post my full, unedited thoughts though at a later point). I think they do a good job of capturing the way my brain normally works, so yeah...

Anyways, hope to see you again tomorrow!

-Dakota Wren

[aita-blorbos]

wibta for continuing to refuse to tell my dad about my existence for over a year?

so i (24nb) was raised in new york by my mom with my 3 half-siblings, and spent a lot of my early life wondering about my dad (who i’d never met, and my mom didn’t know much about, lol) long story short some shit happened, i got disowned by my mom and still have a relationship with my older half-brother (jury’s still out on my younger half-siblings but i dont expect them to talk to me anytime soon lol) and so i was basically… drifting for several years until i found myself in california and settled down, went to college, and then for… complicated reasons the city i was in basically became an active warzone. my (now) fiancee (27f) saved me and i finished college and started a business as a pi. funnily enough, even though i wasn’t still actively looking for info anymore, i have a pretty distinctive appearance, and based on that and some timeline clues i was able to figure out who my dad is. i was unsure whether to pursue a relationship with that side of my family or whatever bc i already had a pretty established life outside of my family and being on my own has been kinda. a staple of my life since i was 15, but it didn’t matter as much bc he and his sibling were missing, so the only member of that family i had access to was my cousin.

which is where we get to him

so my cousin (27m) grew up thinking he was an orphan in some cult, i think he thought his parents were dead or didnt want him or something? anyways, when he was about 19 he met my dad (now 46m, at the time 38). he didn’t know my dad was his uncle at the time, but evidently my dad figured out who my cousin was pretty quick. my dad then made the decision to continue working with my cousin to fight, uh, some bad people, but did not tell the cousin about them being related. for about 6 years.

eventually my cousin’s parent (46???) resurfaces (they all thought he was dead lol) and a lot of shit happened (including that uh… whole city-being-a-warzone thing i mentioned) and it basically came out that my cousin’s parent was, well, my cousin’s parent. and then immediately after both his parent and my dad disappeared on an… extended business trip and went missing. three years later, my fiancee is dying of cancer, and decides to go on a trip to look for some experimental treatments to get rid of the cancer. after a few months of her gone, my dad and his sibling return, and two months after that, my fiancee returns (apparently she found them and got them brought back?)

a week before this, a friend of my fiancee’s (23f) went missing, and i started a search for her, but i realized there was a lot more going on than i bargained for, so after my fiancee went back, we made the decision to seek outside help. this help happened to come in the form of my dad, and his company. so basically i had to talk to my dad whether i was ready to or not, and since i definitely wasn’t, i made the decision to keep certain things from him. like the fact that he’s my dad.

so we’ve been working together for a while (we found the friend, he just also enlists my help as a pi for other cases sometimes) and i just… haven’t told him yet. here’s the fun part.

so my dad has a habit of picking on his twin for not knowing he had a kid for 25 years. my dad thinks this is hilarious, his twin and my cousin, less so. i happen to turn 25 in a few months, so i thought it’d be hilarious to wait until i’m at least 25 to drop this on him. my cousin doesn’t know, but he’d think it’s HILARIOUS, but my fiancee thinks i should tell him bc from what we’ve gathered it sounds like he’s had a good bit of tragedy surrounding his family, and my fiancee knows what thats like. one of my dads coworkers who pieced things together thinks its funny, but agrees that i should probably tell him sooner rather than later. wibta for waiting, if only for the sake of being able to turn his own joke on him and make fun of *him* for also not knowing he had a kid for 25 years, and definitely not because i’m irrationally mad at him for not knowing i exist for that long?

the reason he doesn’t know who i am already is because i make it a point to hide the distinctive features that are pretty inherent to his side of the family, not because i’m trying that hard to hide who i am from him, but because i have certain people who i don’t want to be able to identify me.

also, i realize i may have made it sound like my dad is a cop or a vigilante. he’s not a cop, i’d want nothing to do with him if he was, and vigilante isn’t exactly accurate either. mercenary might be a better term here.

[kyogre-blue]

SS continues. Seteth is handsome and I think I would be okay with this normally, but I played VW first and Claude was cuter.

Not to be mean, but that's pretty much literally the only difference so far. Off screen Claude even supporting character magics us into getting the same reinforcements in the same place and going to the same next map. (I tell Seteth I want to go to the Kingdom this time. Seteth says no. I feel like at least Claude didn't pretend I had options. Did I just agree with him on everything...? That is also possible.)

It's kind of... even some of Seteth's lines don't seem to be intended for him. I heard from interview that SS was written first, so I figured that playing it would make VW feel like a reskin, but I dunno if it's the order I did them in, but tbh VW so far feels a more "natural" progression, Edelgard stuff aside.

Aside from that, using church units on the church route has some funny effects like that one general going "your army of children," but I'm actually... using almost entirely adults...

Live blogging notes:

Oh, I didn't notice, but the "village" where we wake up is in ruins. There are burnt remnants and half-collapsed brick walls in the background.

Interesting point: I didn't keep track of the months before, but now I see we fell asleep in March 1181 but wake up in December 1185. I kinda thought it would be the same months, but it's not.

Edelgard's tone at the reunion is...... hum. Not very emotive? Don't get me wrong, Claude doesn't exactly get worked up much either, but Edelgard has a lot more personal stakes in all this, and she should really have a deeper investment in regard to Byleth. It was like this when they parted ways in Garreg Mach too.

Edelgard says "friend from our Black Eagle days have chosen to join me in the fight ahead." But that's... hum. First, why is it a fight ahead for her? She's been fighting for 5 years and is winning, according to the info dump. Second, did the students actually join her? I got them all killed, so I won't know either way, but my impression is that this is not actually the case to begin with.

Edelgard is using a wavy sword... Levin Sword?

Kinda meh sword battle scene.

The fact that Edelgard is older than Byleth now... haha. Claude switches to calling you "my friend" but Edelgard is still pushing the teacher angle.

The info dumps about the political situation post timeskip are slightly different all around, but the only real difference seems to be that Lorenz leads the Empire supporter faction in the Alliance, which iirc was not the case in VW. That checks out. Dimitri is still presumed dead and Faerghus is a Dukedom.

Flayn says she forgot something at the Holy Mausoleum, where we meet up with her... Not sure what this is about. (Update: She and Seteth hang around there later too. Really not sure why.)

SS savefile has the banner I presume Claude also makes you use in VW - kinda blue-grey background with a pink Crest of Flames.

Lol, I killed everyone, but the chapter crawl still says students from the Black Eagle house are working with the Church. Instead I recruited all the Church units, so they show up to help in the new month.

War phase SS has the same monastery music and yellow skybox as VW. Kinda disappointed, tbh. I was (vainly) hoping that each route would get something a little different.

I did notice that they have wooden construction equipment type structures in a lot of places, which I didn't realize before. I guess it's supposed to show how the monastery is in a rundown, damaged state, but even seeing it, I don't think it works too well.

Shamir says that Dagda was "destroyed" ten years ago.

Seteth has been refusing Hanneman's requests for 21 years. So even though Flayn came to the monastery very recently, Seteth has been around for long enough that his physical age is going to start looking weird lol (his info on Serenes Forest says he's physically 27). Notably though, he and Jeralt didn't know each other (iirc), so based on the timeline, Seteth came pretty much immediately after Jeralt faked Byleth's death and disappeared. I wonder if it was because Rhea would have been "in a state" about Byleth's supposed death (and the loss of Sothis's crest stone).

There are no records of anyone except Seteth having a Major Crest of Cichol. In fact, it seems like there's probably no one who has a crest of Cichol at all. Seteth says he is a commoner and has no idea how he ended up with a crest. Hanneman when Byleth says the exact same thing, while being just as sus:

There's some cliff rubble on the monastery defense map... looks like there was a rockslide during the Imperial attack.

The fact that I've forgotten half of VW already is making this a little more tolerable, but looking at the chapter list for VW, we did have a monastery defense map before going to get Judith's troops, and in SS we are...... also going to get Judith's troops.

There's some snippets about how Judith and Daphnel have mostly remained out of Imperial attention and how Judith is a devout follower of the Seiros faith, but tbh it feels out of place here compared to VW.

Oh, there's a spy. Man, was this in VW? I remember nothing.

I've seen this mentioned in fic, but the quest for the Almyran merchant in disguise mentions a Nader bear (which is an Armored Bear Stuffy in your inventory). The thing you give him is "Zoltan's Beast Idol" that mentions the famous craftsman Zoltan who was believed to have made only weapons. I wonder if there's some weapon in the game that was made by him?

Seteth repeats the legend about Ailell being caused by the goddess's wrath after a battle there long ago. Which... is a weird thing, given that he should theoretically know the actual cause -- Agarthan missiles getting deflected from the monastery by the protections on the Holy Tomb.

Oh, Judith suggests she's helping because Claude asked her to. My sus man <3

Reiterating that the Oghma mountains are to the south of the monastery and between it and the Empire. You can't enter the monastery from the Empire directly. You have to go through the Kingdom or the Alliance.

Why do they give you the choice between east and west approaches?? I picked west because I already saw the Alliance stuff, but Seteth just directly shoots you down...

Claude continues to be a proper side character by giving us a way to get into the Empire through the Alliance. "I don't know exactly why, but I feel that I can trust you," my dude, it's because you are a side character who exists to fill the needs of the plot. It's the damn bridge again. SIGH

Also, I was worried for a moment when I couldn't talk to Ashe, but apparently you don't need to. Just kill him and he magically survives. There isn't even a little scene about him coming back or anything...?

[w4yn31ngm00n]

Long sorta rant post abt the irene dimension stuff, sorry :3

i think that the irene dimension's whole "one year=one minute" concept is so cool sometimes, because its not like jess forgot about leap years or anything, she actually calculated that shit ! one second in the irene dimension = ~6.08737 days in the overworld [365.2422 days divided by the 60 seconds it takes for a year to pass], the max amount of leap years possible in the 15 years that everyone was gone wouldve been what, 4, if the year they went in was a leap year ? [meaning that it wouldve had to be before february 29th that they went in if we want it to be 4 extra leap year days. this is also omitting the whole "its not a leap year if its divisible by 100, but it is if its divisible by 400" idea that apparently exists, so lets just pretend this all definitely happened in the odd middle of a century]. thats an extra 3 days if you suppose that the year they went in wasn't a leap year, so supposedly they couldve been in the irene dimension for ~5,478.633 days total, aka EXACTLY 15 years. so if we consider the day they went into the irene dimension as being exactly 15 years in the past from the day they emerged, i think that puts us on a timeline where the day of the war between phoenix drop and scaleswind had to have been [at the earliest] march 1st of a year divisible by 4 ? idk i think its funny if it was exactly 15 years of a gap, like imagine the remaining villagers commemorating the day 15 years ago that their lord and several others disappeared, ONLY FOR HER TO SHOW UP THE EXACT SAME AS SHE WAS THEN. obviously it doesnt have to be exact, just a thought that kinda gives a base for a day of the years that the war and return were on, or at least it could eliminate january and february from the timeline.

separate thought, but not really:

how long was zoey in the irene dimension ??? like she only left once laurance and aphmau left. the time difference between when she appeared and when they left during the episode was about 43 seconds total, so considering each second in the irene dimension being around 6.08737 days long, she could've been in there for at least 261.75691 DAYS. A LITTLE MORE THAN 8 AND A HALF MONTHS. THATS SO LONG ??? LIKE DID DANTE AND THE OTHERS EVER QUESTION HOW LONG SHE WAS GONE ??? like imagine the absolute TERROR from malachi and levin once they realize that their only mother figure left has been gone for that long ?? obviously its not probably exactly that long that she was gone, but still, its a long time for those 2 to be left alone with no parental figure [besides maybe dante] to guide them through leading a dying village. if we think that the return date of aph and the others was on march 1st, the [probably] earliest possible anniversary of their disappearance and the war on phoenix drop, that means zoey probably disappeared to the irene dimension sometime in mid-late june of the year before.

also. that means that since aph said a few days before garroth's return that it had only been a few months since they got out of the irene dimension, zoey was honestly probably in there longer than the extended time that garroth was alone with zane [depending on your definition of "a few"]. damn.

ANYWAYS SORRY THAT WAS LONG BUT I THINK THE LITTLE DETAILS AND IMPLICATIONS OF THE IRENE DIMENSION'S TIME DIFFERENCE IS REALLY INTERESTING also it raises a lot of questions for me abt the nether's sense of time. but thats a whole different thing to get into ==|:-3

[skaruresonic]

The whole deal with "But Sonic is inconsistent so who cares?" is kinda funny to me because, technically, it's true! The games have tons of inconsistencies big and small! From retcons to plot holes to inconsistent portrayals. God knows it's led to me barely giving a rat's ass to Sonic canon anymore!

Now find me even a single 30+ year old game franchise that doesn't have similar issues

Mega Man has similar issues.

Castlevania had to restructure its timeline in a somewhat arbitrary way to clear up some early fuck ups within canon

Zelda had to turn its timeline into a goddamn tree and even then they barely care

Metroid is pretty consistent as far as videogame canons go and even there you have the occasional "Eehh no this thing actually happened like this, ignore what the character said last game"

If a series is inconsistent wouldn't you want to, I dunno, make it MORE consistent instead of adding to the overall mess?

Maybe by "inconsistent" they mean "there are so many different adaptations out there that it's difficult to keep track," but even then, that wouldn't be the games' fault.

In terms of narrative, continuity, and core characterization, the series isn't all that inconsistent, honestly. Flanderization by its nature isn't part of core characterization but an exaggeration/bastardization of various traits (in other words, bad writing). And most retcons, such as Eggman having a grandfather and cousin in SA2 but not SA1, occur after the fact, revealing new information as it becomes relevant. It's not so much contradictory as it is just that what we didn't know then, we know now. (However, I would argue that of the entire cast, Knuckles is really the only one who qualifies as inconsistent. But that's for another time.) Each game is mostly standalone yet builds upon previous ones in subtle ways. SA1 references the Classic games; SA2 builds upon SA1; Heroes references SA2 and SA1; Battle references SA1, SA2, Heroes, and ShTH; Advance 3 builds upon Battle; SatBK hearkens back to SA2 with a memory Sonic relays about the Biolizard; Generations references all the games and includes a line that implies SatSR is canon; etc. Sure, certain stories aren't as tightly-written as they could be - one issue I have with Unleashed is that Eggman basically doesn't factor in in the middle of the story when he arguably should - but those metacontextual issues don't factor into whether the series as a whole is inconsistent. More and more I'm starting to feel like those who espouse this viewpoint don't pay terribly close attention to the games, because the games eventually explain themselves for the most part, anyhow. Or else you're operating based on misinterpretations of the source material. For example: "The moon blew up in SA2 so why do we see it in full in ShTH?" becomes a nonissue when you play Advance 3 and Riders and realize Sonic's world has two moons. "Money doesn't exist" is simply not true, because "financial communities" are said to be "impacted" by the Eclipse Cannon demonstration in SA2, Vector's motive is money in multiple games, and you can buy things with rings in Unleashed. "Why don't they say 'oh my Chaos'?" Because Chaos is the God of Destruction, not the world's creator? Also, Amy blasphemes "oh my God" and Sonic games have referenced hell before. So on and so forth. As for a lack of timeline... I honestly don't see it. There may be some weirdness with how Battle fits in, though that can easily be explained as it releasing concurrently with Heroes. Also, I thought it was fairly obvious that Mania/Forces represents a split in the timeline where Eggman obtains the Phantom Ruby at different points. But other than that, I really don't see how the series' timeline is inconsistent. Based on how each game builds upon the previous, there's really no reason not to believe that the games don't occur in chronological order for the most part.

[titanicfreija]

Snitching on Yourself

"Sunny."

"Caiatl! It's good to see you!"

"Sheer happenstance," she rumbled, lumbering up behind Freija and Sunny where they sat at an open table, watching a crucible feed.

"I'll be here for a while, this is beginning of yesterday," Freija told Sunny, barely glancing at the empress. "Empress," she said softly, bowing her head but not getting up.

"Your guardian participates in the crucible?" Caiatl asked the ghost as she hovered to join the Empress.

"Didn't I tell you?"

"Perhaps in passing." Caiatl lumbered into a darker hallway, out of the main corridors, and ventured a back way to the hangar. Her helm occasionally brushed the ceiling and her pauldrons allowed no passage. "Sheer happenstance brought you to my attention. You are fortunate."

"To have a friend that'll call to me when she sees me? I am," Sunny agreed, bouncing merrily. "I'm glad to see you, too. I hope it's not bad news that brings you to the tower?"

"It is the event," she explained shortly. "Valus Forge regards this ritual as deeply important. I accompanied him to investigate. I like this celebration, so far."

Sunny bobbed merrily around Caiatl's winged helm, pleased.

~

"How are you recovering from your... malady?"

"I'm doing better. Listening to Freija giggle after being blown up is helping. She's always enjoyed the Iron Banner, and I didn't have the heart to tell her no."

Caiatl snorted a laugh. "Would I find her identifiable amongst the many matches?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I mean, she's a little odd, there's a lot of times where she'll just stand in her barricade and annoy people during Fortress, but I doubt she's the only one that does it. We had a real pretty white and red outfit with goat horns for most of it?"

"Nothing remarkable," she agreed.

"How's warfronts?"

"I much prefer my conversations with you to exclude the war fronts."

"Sorry. How's... things?"

Caiatl rumbled an irritated sigh.

Sunny sank to shoulder level. "Ah, so you actually did look for me, at least a little."

"I am fortunate," she agreed. "I worried you and your guardian would still have withdrawn."

"I'm well-loved and well supported," Sunny promised. "Sometimes against my will. Do you want to hear about my digging into my guardian's history? Only you can't tell anyone. Freija doesn't know much, and she's actually mad at me for what she does know, so we're kind of dancing around the rules a little bit."

"What have you learned?"

"Well, she was born on Earth in the Tower, but from what I can glean, she spent more days on the road than inside. Her parents were from the Dreaming City, and they wanted to help."

"This is fairly recent, considering the timeline of your existence."

Sunny dropped two feet. "Eight hundred and fifty years, I searched for someone that hadn't been born yet!"

"Depending on your method, the nine hundred years would have been inevitable. She died young for Awoken."

Sunny dropped a few inches and hovered in a circle. "Assassinated along with most everyone else that didn't marry out of the family."

"Interesting. Royals?"

"Nah. Politics, though."

"Hmph!" She didn't ask further, giving Sunny a side-eye.

It had been so long that she forgot the cue. "Oh! Her parents are the ones I've found stuff about. They eloped and came to Earth to help the humans here. Established routes around the Tower's base, some cartography. It's been... fun, but my research is about to get me into trouble, I think."

"Hmph! Your disregard for boundaries and authority likely lend to this."

"Likely," Sunny agreed sheepishly, swaying low. "I kinda wanna look around on Earth, but I think that might be too close to home. Found out Petra had a crush on her dad, that was funny to think about. Found out that she-- okay, so you know how I told you guardians all hate water? And drowning? I'm not entirely wrong, but I didn't realize that Freija's is way more pronounced than average. First- most guardians don't like swimming, but the helmets can keep them from drowning up to impressive depths, so the fear of water isn't nearly as common as I thought. We never had occasion to get into water deeper than her shoulders, but she really, really hates water. Or any other liquid deep enough to swim in, where she can't touch the ground anymore."

Caiatl rumbled a laugh. "Oh?"

"I don't want to talk too much about her, 'cos I don't want her mad at me for snitching, but she is terrified of swimming. She says it's because she can't swim, but she can, but she doesn't believe me!"

"Swimming is not an activity for panicked minds," Caiatl stated, giving Sunny another sideways look. Even under the helm, she managed to make the expression chastising.

"She won't try!"

"She needs not," Caiatl rumbled.

"Are you defending her?" asked Sunny, bobbing to see Caiatl's face. "Are you really-- isn't your species aquatic? How can you see reason in hydrophobia?!"

Caiatl narrowed her eyes at Sunny and shifted her weight heavily from side to side. "I do not understand your guardian's fear, but I see no reason to force oneself through facing one if they need not. Is there occasion for swimming?"

"Probably not, now that we're done on Titan."

"She could force herself through the situation without truly overcoming the fear?"

"I guess, if you count those fits as pushing though. The missions got done."

"Then I stand firm on my position."

Sunny froze, considering the notion.

"You were telling me about the history of your guardian?" Caiatl reminded her, stumping firmly onward.

"She had a dream! It's happened twice, where she's dreamed pieces of memory! It's fascinating, but I can't talk to anyone about it cos I'm already breaking the rules. But so she had a dream where she--well, her previous sister-- almost drowned. And I think that's led to a phobia in this life."

"That is indeed interesting. I forget to consider a guardian's first life. The guardians seem content to act similarly, as we have discussed. What inspired you to break these rules?"

"You, kinda."

Caiatl's pace faltered and Sunny felt the eyes digging into her. "How so?"

Sunny giggled. "When you asked me about the guardians' memories of their first lives, the first thing you said was that remembering only the last ten years would be an unpleasant lifetime. So I wanted Freija to have a life that didn't have war. But like you also said, there's no such thing. So I wanted to know who.... Honestly, Freija keeps calling herself and Sarah as different people, but from this angle, I'm not sure I didn't just wake up and rename Sarah. But I wanted to know her first life."

"Have you satisfied this urge?"

"I'm getting more and more sure that I'll never be able to," she admitted with an exasperated drop. "I know more about her parents than her. I want the dreams to keep up but she hates them."

Caiatl didn't answer, lumbering ahead silently as she contemplated the middle distance.

"What?"

"Periodically, Sunny, Ghost of Freija, you show a dark side. I enjoy it greatly."

"What?!"

"Wishing nightmares upon your guardian to answer questions," she chortled. "The desire to remove a phobia unnecessarily."

Sunny bounced to and fro in frustration. "It wasn't unnecessary! It is now, but every time we went down there, she kept panicking! And it wasn't even swimming! It was just moving through a liquid! She swears it's a fear of drowning, but her helmet keeps liquid out! And she kept screaming and throwing fits! She was doing so well with her behavior before the methane!

Caiatl rocked her weight back, amused smile in her posture. "You expect much. If rationality could solve it, she would not have the fear at all. Completing the mission in spite of abject terror is admirable."

Caiatl opened the Hangar door, revealing Zavala and two guardians at the doorway, with two Cabal soldiers sheepishly peeking around behind them.

"I stole the empress away!" Sunny sang, surprised to see the waiting entourage. "Sorry!"

"Good afternoon, Sunny," Zavala called cheerfully. "The empress made clear her intention to speak with a friend privately."

Sunny froze in the air and Caiatl chortled. "I appreciate the effort," she rumbled, taking her place between her guards.

Zavala smirked wryly at the ghost. "I do not, and I am taking note of your willingness to lie for a friend." Sunny drooped, but his smile warmed up again. "I expect to see you and your guardian lighting the pyres with the rest of us."

"Yessir!" Sunny chirped, flying in a big loop on her way back to Freija at higher speeds than should have been reasonable.

~

~

@annieruok94

[hollyhomburg]

@mocha000 I love how when I shove my very deep and personal thoughts into the Bily narration- well aware that no one will know that I’m just using the chapter to vent and express my emotions in the only way that I know that’s healthy and then I check your comments and it’s just all of those moments 😂 not me dealing with coming to terms with getting older on the main timeline

Ooooh that Yoongi line was a last minute incert! I guess I was right to think that section needed it!!!

Oh yeah totally- so much less like home with all the weapons everywhere. Ahhh I just realized that in my head Jimin’s got a sawed off shotgun not a regular one and I didn’t write it that way :( idk if people would know the difference but oh well!!!

I think in a lot of ways- Tae is very similar to the person the m/c might have been if she’d never been traumatized like personality wise. I think that’s why in the moment they’re talking about Tae they’re smiling like her.

On the line of me sharing my most personal wants and desires through bily- the ‘gentleness is all you’ve ever wanted’ line is like- all all all me- I’ve recently decided that what I want for my life is just to live as peacefully and gently as possible. Like full stop. I’m going to practice ultimate compassion with the things that come into my life and myself- after so much violence and struggle it’s what I deserve. Wow now I’m turning this comment into a diary entry too lol I need to stoppppppp

Oh!!! Okay so!!! It’s funny though because bily  /technically/ takes place in boston but the ticketing system is based off the one by where I live in new York- and as long as you still want to travel between the same stations a ticket is valid for a full year after purchase! I have an old ticket if anyone wants to see what it actually looks like.

Oh yeah lol- joon gets totally left behind. I mean- not everyone could fit in the car- and my mindset was more like “whose most likely to spring into action??” and as it’s metioned- Namjoon is frozen in the freeze part of fight or flight at that moment so- he’s kinda going through it. The way I can hear her say ‘joonie’ in a hyper soft croon is like….ugh!!! I wish I could write it better than that. I don’t know if I’ve ever been able to picture the sound of the m/c’s voice before this moment. I think if I heard someone speak like her I’d be able to point it out.

As for the mice! Yes! It was mentioned before with Jin and the m/c! I can’t quite remember what chapter but I hope people didn’t think the reference was weird :( honestly, I think about that study more than I’d like to admit. Specifically in concurrence with the line “nothing has broken me yet”

One thing that I’d like to say is that noodle only comforts people when they need it like- he’s got a very very good read on the packmates- I think in terms of dominance hierarchy- he considers himself only below Namjoon in the hierarchy- Jin is like…a foreign creature to him

When I tell you…Yoongi’s angry dialogue in the next chapter is like….so fucking good- possibly the best I’ve ever written him!!! I am!!! So excited to share it with you!!!

I do usually take care of my hands after! Mostly just by not typing for too long periods at a time- I really need to start doing hand excersizes but it’s one of the reasons why the later chapters of bily have been taking me longer to write!

Thank you for your lovely comment once again! I always love seeing your @ pop up in my notifications and I always love seeing your take on the different parts of the chapter and knowing what stood out to you! I hope you’ll like the next one just as much!!!

Before I Leave You (pt.68)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Your time is running out. minute by minute, breath by breath, kiss by kiss.

Tags: Angst, Hurt (no comfort yet), illusions to past mental health issues and past domestic abuse, mentions of low-self-esteem, internalized shame and self-shaming behaviors, themes of abandonment, speeding, guns, violence,

W/c: 13.4k

A/N: ahhhhh so here we are! i've been dreaming of this chapter since the very beginning of the series! this is like...the ultimate chapter...thank you for giving me a little bit of extra time to sit with it! we've still got a bit to go! there is a little section near the end where the chapter will prompt you to click on a link to play kate bush 😂 if you feel like you'll be distracted by music in the background you don't need to push it- thats just the song that i always heard playing in my head whenever i heard that part playing.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

Hobi is sitting on the edge of the nest sipping at his ice water when you come back into the nest room. Someone has drawn all of the heavy curtains over the windows and they pool on the floor at the rim of the room. The plastic pulled up too. The evidence folded and put away for later burning. Like a bad memory or a piece of clothing that doesn't fit right. Shoved in the back of the closet.

The rage and fear and panic are harder to put away. The conviction is not so easy to hide. You can’t put it down the same way that people file their taxes or their children's old scribbles.

You- like a child, have not been able to color between the lines. You- like a child, are messy.

You can’t stop yourself from walking over to him. Drawn to him where he sits nursing his injuries like a moth to a flame. You feel every heartbeat spent in his presence; every breath shared sticky like smoke in your lungs. Every second is savored and every second burns.

You want to ask him if he’s alright, but questions like that seem very pointless now.

Hobi’s not alright- but he will be. He will be okay forever if you do what you have to do. Now that you’ve decided it’s all you can think about. You rarely ever get to know that your last day with someone will be your last day, and now because you know- you look at him a little harder. A little longer.

You wonder what he’ll look like in 10 years and in 20. If he’ll get crow’s feet from smiling so much. If the salt water he loves so much will eventually grow into his features and make him look like something ancient.

You wonder if one day he'll get so many freckles that the tops of his shoulders will be permanently a shade deeper than the rest of his skin- Or if Seokjin’s sunscreen will spare him from the simple pleasure of looking like your favorite thing. Hoseok has always been one part sunshine one part everything else.

He looks pale right now. It hasn't been summer in months and you won't get to see him get all freckly and sun-kissed again.

Growing old is a privilege (you don’t want to grow old) and you’re reminded of that every time you look at his throat and see the bruises there (you wish you and Hobi could stay as you are- like this, in this house- both alive and healing- forever) but you can’t.

You can’t.

You touch his shoulder softly and his head jerks up, body going tense and then slack when he sees it's just you.

It’s quiet up here. The others are just downstairs and they’re making a lot of noise. Hoseok turns, setting his glass of water down on the floor, leaning into your hand in the same movement. It would be cute if he didn’t have black bruises crisscrossing his throat and blood in the whites of his eyes. In truth, every blink only convinces you that this is what you have to do. This is what you need to do.

You know that at any moment the pack is going to come looking for you. That they’ll all come and fill the room with their soothing noises and sweet concern. You're not too worried about finding the right time to slip away. Moonbyul’s given you 24 hours after all.

We didn’t get enough time, did we? I’d have liked more.

Hobi tries to speak and you shush him, he makes a frustrated hum of a noise. You sit down next to him when he tugs you, hand vicelike on your wrist. Your heart is beating really fast. You wonder if he can hear it or at least smell your distress. The whole house is a tangle of distressed scents; your rain, Yoongi’s ocean, Hoseok’s burnt caramel. burning burning burning. It disguises your scent. Hoseok can’t smell how you’re panicking.

You smile at him, and Hobi tries to speak again. unsuccessfully.

“Here your phone-” but Hoseok doesn’t reach for it, he doesn’t reach for anything but you. Pulling you closer to him. His thumb pressed to the pulse point of your wrist, where your skin becomes thin and sensitive. Pulling you until your thigh lines up against his.

The nest up here is the only place in the house that smells somewhat normal, still soaked with your sleepy muted scents from a few days ago (How long will it be until your scent fades from the house?) You take a deep shaky breath, trying to savor it. Hoseok bites his lower lip.

Hoseok starts on your thigh. His hand squeezes it once and then he starts to write. It’s slow going. He can only write one letter at a time but-

“D-O-N-T”

His eyes are positively boring into yours as your breath hitches and you start. “Hobi I-” he repeats it again, writing it out faster. You grab his hand squeezing it. But he pulls it out of your grasp.

“N-O”

You huff, frustrated and close to tears but stealing yourself not to show him your true feelings. How hard this is. You duck in low, kissing over one of the bruises on his neck. He jerks back, furrowing his eyebrows at you. And part of you is just begging him to let it go. You’re half sitting in his lap now all so that he can write out his distress on both your thighs.

“Alright- just stop.” You can hear the rest of the pack on the stairs. It’s getting late, they’ve done all of the cleaning they can manage for today. You can hear Yoongi on the stairway talking to Jin:

“Maybe we should just burn the railing, there’s definitely a bullet or two in it still.”

Jin’s reply is near hissed, utterly scandalized in the way that only Jin can sound. “It is mahogany Yoongi.”

Hobi writes on your thigh, a single tear trailing down his nose. He’s usually a little bit better at keeping himself together but the stress of the day wore him through. Polished all of his usually stubborn edges like the ocean polishes sea glass. He’s too tired to properly argue. Letter by letter as he goes.

“P-R-O-M-I-S-E M-E,” he writes across your thigh.

You have maybe a second before they’re upon you. You have to be convincing. Have to, or else Hobi might tell. You don’t think he’ll get in your way. You don’t want to think about what you’ll have to do if he does.

You dart forward, pressing your lips to his in a way that you don’t really feel, in a way that has him pushing you a little off of him. Trying to reassure him in the only way you know how.

You bite the inside of your cheek to keep from crying and he tucks a lock of your hair behind your ear. His fingertips skimming soft across your jaw and your lips. Pressing at the corner of your sad smile like he can peel the fake expression away from your face and have you tell the truth for once.

“I promise, okay? I promise.”

Hoseok is not convinced. He doesn’t believe you all the way. But the pack is up here before he has a chance to write out anything more. Yoongi appears in the doorway, smelling of soap and bleach, a bit of it turning the corner of his shirt yellow where it should be black. His eyes cautious but so loving it takes your breath away a little. He treads softly over to the two of you; like he's worried about spooking you.

The moment between you and Hobi passes when Yoongi's hand curls over the back of your neck and you tilt your face up at him. And he interprets the glassiness there as something else. something more sensitive and more like omegaspace than what it is. you falling through space and time, you dying and drowning infront of him.

He probably thinks Hoseok was just comforting you.

Yoongi’s hand settles softly on the ball of Hoseok’s shoulder too. an equally as tender touch. Long fingers splaying against his collar bones, cradling a bruise there forming. Asking softly, eyes all dark with the anguish and apology of it-

“Do you think either of you can stomach dinner?”

As always, you say you can hot because you want to, but because you know it will make him happy to see you eat. You might not get many more opportunities to make Yoongi happy- you should take this one and savor it.

Yoongi loses that vaguely wounded look in his eyes with every bite you lift to your mouth. His scent sublimating into something sweeter as the night darkens and quiets.

You can tell Hoseok is not convinced of your promises when he stays glued to your side through the whole of dinner. Almost stubborn with how he resists Yoongi’s prodding and Namjoon's. Changing out the cool dressings on his throat and shaking his head at Namjoon’s suggestion that he sleep propped up against the back wall of the nest, where it’s safest. Eyes tracking your movements as you get up and brush your teeth.

His focus remains solely on you, even when Jungkook carries Tae out of the bathroom and places her among the softest things in the nest. When Noodle squirms his way out from under the bed and tries to worm himself in between his legs. Nudging under his elbow with his pink nose.

He wraps himself around you as you get ready for bed. An arm slung protectively around your waist to pull you flush against his front where you couldn’t squirm away without him feeling it and waking up.

It feels like buying time even though you're too distracted to properly enjoy it- the way they try to cheer you up. Everything that they do to try and make things better feels far away like a photograph- a memory just out of reach- the colors a little off.

Jungkook needily wraps himself around Tae and croons soft reassurance into her ear about how pretty her hair looks, how soft her pajamas make her. And would she like some of her skincare routine? Jungkook will do it for her, will pat it across her cheeks, and won't drag it under her eyes to preserve the state of her wrinkles.

Tae answers all his requests with a simple shake of her head. Eyes still frighteningly blank, that 1000-yard stare that you've all seen on your faces at one point or another, that you see in the reflective surface of Namjoon's phone in the nest, discarded and not charged.

Tae's scent is something awful- none of her usual roses and all cinnamon. Does Tae smell more like her old self because that version of her was always afraid? Or was being a boy the first thing she hated and that's why she smells like boy tae now?

You hate it. You can tell the others hate it too. Yoongi drags her close to scent her silly. cheek and neck going all pink from how hard he scents her, and then scents you, and then goes back again.

Jungkook can do little more than cuddle Tae with Jimin, his big hands smooth down her thighs, while Jimin brushes her hair gently- careful not to let the bristles brush her scalp. He's learned how to take care of her over the last few months and he's the gentlest when it comes to detangling. Not like you- who's so used to ripping through your hair without thought.

Up and down their hands go as Jin fluffs the nest around you all. Making the edges of it higher, and more protective of the fragile pups at the center (like fluffy duvets could ever block bullets. In his dreams- Jin’s love is enough to keep you all safe).

Yoongi and Namjoon are only too happy to oblige him with the nest-making and the general fussing. But in between Jin’s request for a hairdryer and another cold cloth for your hands. You catch them watching the door like they half expect some new threat to appear.

Certain things are harder to ignore; like Yoongi sitting on the edge of the nest with a gun balanced across his thigh. Or the heavy thud of a fresh box of bullets, rattling in their acrylic case when Jimin sets them down on the floor. The red shotgun casings lined up in pretty lines- just like Tae’s lipsticks downstairs.

You ask for one of Hobi's sweatshirts and Yoongi puts the gun away to go and give it to you. Hoseok fingers the edge of your shirt stroking over the meat of your hip idly. But every inch of him is taught like he’s going to have to grab you and hold you down. You lace your hand with his and turn to give him a look.

Yoongi’s back with a sweatshirt but it’s Jin who demands to dress you- to guide your fragile and freshly wrapped hands through the holes. Jin pulls it down around your hips with a soft huff before he gets distracted looking at the bruises on your back and side. From getting thrown back into the wall and from an errant elbow. Every time you twist even a little bit- they ache.

A tub of soothing cream that the pack usually uses for the more wanted kind of bruises sits open on the edge of the nest.

The pack moves about in pairs, here and there. Going down to the ground floor in sets of two. Unwilling to let anyone out of sight. There are guns everywhere, Jimin must have let loose his hidden stash of them. A shotgun leans up against the bathroom door. A handgun with an extended stock is always close at hand. There's a larger plan lingering here. You hear it in Jin's soft reassurances. Said hushed over your heads.

"Witness protection isn't as bad as you think it is Yoongi-"

"It won't work- don't you think we know how it works? That won't be safe enough."

"We have at least a few hours, we don't need to make any decisions now."

Jungkook’s scared voice, “Are we really going to have the leave? The house and everything?” A pause. A look is shared between Jin, Namjoon, and Yoongi. Jimin's eyes remain focused on Tae.

“Maybe bunny, we have to wait and see.”

“Do we have a carrying case for Noodle?”

“I think it’s in…” Yoongi trails off, but Namjoon answers for him.

“Yeah, it’s in the basement.”

They set about keeping watch for the night. those of you that aren't nursing wounds that is- mainly Jimin, Yoongi, and Namjoon- Guns remain at the ready and loaded. Jimin will go first, Yoongi second, and Namjoon last.

Jin tries but Namjoon nudges at his chest and growls in a way that has all of your ears perking up. The pack alpha’s commands can’t easily be ignored. Jungkook tries too to convince them too but even Hoseok shakes his head at him. No one is under any illusions of how fragile this peace is.

No one asks Namjoon to leave the Christmas lights on- but he doesn’t shut them off all the way- leaving just one string lit as a bit of a nightlight. None of you are quite brave enough to risk the darkness.

Hoseok stays close by, his hand clutching your wrist more often than not. Even when the pack settles in for sleep. He wraps his arm around your waist and settles in behind you, caging you in.

(Hoseok’s arms are not the prettiest cage you’ve ever been in but they are the cage you’ve liked the most. You think you’ll miss his arms and his hands. They’re so pretty and long, you lean down and kiss one where it’s gripping the nest and he makes a small noise in surprise that quickly gets swallowed by the hungry quiet.)

The quiet is very hungry, every brush of fabric against skin, every slight movement of the pack sets you a bit on edge. You think it will be hard to sleep- wound up as you are.

You don’t think you're even tired until your head hits the pillow and you have to struggle to stay awake. You want to stay up and listen to the sound of your pack, their soft and measured breathing, the sound of kisses shared above your head, the feel and safety of being in the nest. You want to commit the rhythm of them to memory.

Hoseok’s soft rasping breath on the nape of your neck evens out the more that his swelling goes down. It goes from hissing to more of a squeak as the night settles. Tae shakes through her aforementioned panic attack with all of you piled around her. You get your hand on her ankle at least.

Yoongi and Jimin’s shushing is the only punctuating sound in the half-light. Because what can you say besides sweet nothings when you know she has a perfectly valid reason to fear falling asleep?

You savor every little twitch of their trauma-worn bodies as you flit in and out of an uneasy sleep. Every slight sigh and hand on you rousing you. Jungkook, brushing his fingers through your hair. Hobi, pressed along your back like a second skin shifting and trying to tilt his neck to a more comfortable angle.

You get too hot with Hobi wrapped around you like that, eventually tugging at his sweatshirt that you wear and almost purring when kind gentle hands help detangle you from it with a soothing little shush sound so that you hardly have to wake. Yoongi, around midnight.

Yoongi’s thin but strong fingers rub a soothing touch along your jaw. Soothing away a small sad noise you make that has him curling around your front. The sound of Namjoon's low voice as he says something to your mate and then takes his place at the helm of the nest to stand guard.

“It’s okay pup, I’m here- I’m not going to let anything happen to you- not now- not ever.”

It’s unfortunate, but Namjoon can’t let Tae sleep for more than half an hour before checking her pupillary responses, making sure that her brain isn’t swelling. Concussions are no joke and Namjoon does not take chances with his prettiest alpha. He sends her back off to dreamland with a comforting scent mark and a soothing grumble. After the 5th hour when the risks turn nominal, he decides to just let her sleep.

But Hoseok doesn’t sleep, he can’t really. The pain keeps him awake and what with the way that his neck is injured he can’t find a comfortable position. He shifts and settles the whole night. Keeping you close with that arm around your waist every time you squirm so much as an inch away.

He’s restless until Namjoon gets up to get one of Jimin’s painkillers.

He’s resistant even then, half asleep still fighting. Trying to move away and shaking his head at Namjoon. Namjoon mistakes his unwillingness for simple fussiness and not for fear. If Hobi falls asleep it will be substantially easier to slip away- you watch from below as Namjoon props hobi up and pinches his jaw to make him open his mouth, encouraging the alpha to show his tongue with a prod of those gentle hands. His eyes are barely open, exhausted as he is.

“I know it hurts to swallow Hobi but you’ve got too.” Regardless of his shaken head, Namjoon insistently nudges his mouth with it. Soothing his gag with a stroke of his thumb down Hoseok’s Addams apple. A kiss to his lips for being good.

“This will help the swelling go down, you’ll be okay by morning.”

It’s minutes before they take effect. Slowly- Hoseok’s arm melts away from your stomach. His grip on you slackens from the drugs and his breath evens out. You say a quiet goodbye to him in your head and turn around to face him and kiss his forehead.

At least the last time you touch, it’s soft like that. At least the last time you touch him- it’s gentle.

Yoongi, Jimin, and Namjoon trade-off. A gun shared between the two of them. Perched on the edge of the nest. Eyes on the vacant stairway Infront of them. Listening for every creek and whisper met with a held breath and hand tightening around the gun. Waiting for the violence that you can all feel coming.

You won’t let it hit them; you won’t let it into this house again. Not while you’re still breathing.

When you're sure that Hobi is asleep you roll onto your back and stare up at the Christmas lights twinkling in the dark. You remember watching Jungkook hang them for you. You remember. You'll always try to remember; you promise yourself right then and there that you'll never let the memory slip away. No matter what happens.

You look over at Kookie, face so peaceful in sleep, a pillow hugged to his chest belly down in the nest, cheek squished close to the top of Yoongi's head on your other side. His back rising and falling.

Jungkook has always been a pretty omega. You reach over to him to stroke down the stiff bridge of his nose, to commit his face to memory. When you turn back to Hobi, you do the same, touching across the heart shape of his mouth, the subtle roundness in his cheeks everything. You look around at all of them- your pack, sleeping softly- sleeping safely. Namjoon's wide back, his shoulders that could hold the world up. Unaware that you're watching him.

You’ll remember all of it, every car ride, every trip to the beach. Every joke and jab. You’ll store each of the memories like a found thing in your pocket. A piece of seashell or sea glass.

You’ll take Jungkook’s laughter and store it- a memory to use when you need to remember that it’s okay to be young for a minute more. When you need to look after yourself you’ll remember how Jin did it and follow his example. And when you need to rest and be soft you'll remember yoongi. You’ll remember Tae like a tube of lipstick and see her every day in the color pink. And Jimin-

Jimin has a hard time sleeping. Even when Namjoon takes the last shift. He sleeps with one hand on a gun, spaced protectively in front of Tae. His bad arm unfolded from his sling. Putting his body between her and the staircase. Namjoon’s heart pulses dully with the knowledge of that when he glances back, just to check and make sure that Tae and Hobi are still breathing. You hide your open eyes from him when he turns, going extra still and feigning sleep.

Namjoon tamps down on his instincts; the last thing he wants is for his scent to go sour and possibly rouse them. But in the quiet, Namjoon's mind has too much room to fan out and overanalyze. Panic is a particularly alluring drug, his mind festers in it. Rolling around in bad ideas the way that Noodle would roll around in a puddle of catnip.

If he got the pack together, put you all in cars, and drove you far far away from here would that be enough to keep you all safe from harm? Or would that only be temporary? Is temporary safety worse when you know what you have to come back to? Or should he just try to talk to these people, barter with them something. Would money be enough? How much wouldn't Namjoon give? 

You are dreadfully similar to him. Only his planning stays in its infancy stage. 

It isn’t all silent. Noises punctuate the night here and there. Namjoon is so on edge that he all but snaps his teeth at the shadows. An alpha on alert.

Namjoon’s ears perk up at every car that dares to drive by your narrow street, the neighbor two houses to the left who leaves for work in the city at 4:05 every morning, right on time. Noodle and the sound of his scrabbly little paws on the stairs, zooming up and down them until Namjoon gets up to scruff him too. 

Your freaking cat does not like Namjoon on a normal day, he's only ever loved you and Hobi and tolerated Tae and Jungkook- condemning all the rest to hisses and claws, but Noodle settles with Namjoon's hand on the back of his neck. "See, that wasn't too hard was it?"

Noodle gives one last half-hearted hiss as Namjoon places him gently in the nest where he stays put after curled up around Tae’s head like a fluffy little hat. Purring and licking at her forehead. All but taunting Namjoon with his yellow eyes. Flinty and knowing in the darkness. Bushy tail flailing every time the alpha glances back.

You think you’re being quiet when you push yourself up onto your hands and knees. Untangling Hobi’s arm from around your waist and pulling yourself to the edge of the bed. He's out cold from the painkillers. Barely even stirring. 

Noodle stirs however, darting from the nest with a small murr sound as if to say, "see- she's awake so why can't I be?" Tail raised high as he prances to the doorway. 

You look striking in the half darkness, a pair of Yoongi’s green flannel pajama pants rolled up several times to fit properly around your hips. A thin white tank top that's almost falling down one shoulder. Namjoon’s heart pulses dully with the need to hold, the need to protect. He makes a soft noise in his throat and your head jerks in his direction.

You swallow, and your lips look dry, eyes glassy and innocent in their tilt when your mussed hair fluffs over your shoulder. Messy from where Hobi was nuzzling it in his sleep. 

“I was just getting a glass of water.”

Namjoon wordlessly holds his hand out to help you get out of the nest without teetering or disturbing the others. Noodle dashes back down the stairs with a soft meow. Tae sighs and re-settles, smacking her lips and Jimin’s arm tightens. Your mate turns face up in the nest, chest rising and falling, mouth opening like he can taste your scent on the air. 

Namjoon doesn't doubt he can, honed in on you and focused as he always is.

Namjoon doesn’t let go of your hand when your feet find the smooth floor. Instead, he checks the wounds on your hands and verifies that they’re clotting. The margins slotted together properly for minimal scarring (he'd redone the glue-suture after your shower with only gentle scolding). He presses a kiss to the bandages after they're re-fastened. Letting his lips linger there for a second.

Namjoon has always had big hands, warm and steadying as they cradle yours. Small and chapped and scarred.

Instead of continuing on downstairs, you linger for a second by Namjoon’s side. Eating up every breath he breathes, his scent, and the comfort of having him nearby. Something you know you won’t have forever. (Somehow- you know that this will be the last time that Namjoon holds you. You can wait one minute more. You can give him one more minute). He sets the gun to the side and pulls you between his legs.

“Joonie?” You ask.

Your pack alpha wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzles forward, rubbing his spiky head across your midriff. Nose nudging the dimple of your belly button and the slight pudge there with a quiet happy growl.

Namjoon will never not be happy that he can see the evidence of the pack’s love on you. Will never not feel proud of you and how far you've come. He nuzzles, resisting the temptation to bite and nip with a breath let out through clenched teeth.

Namjoon feels your quiet laugh against his cheek. Your warm soft skin swelling with laughter. Namjoon’s face is blushing red when he pulls back to look at you in the darkness. Corralled in the safe circle of his arms, fingers digging into your hips and squeezing.

“What are you doing alpha?” 

“Just thinking- just-” Namjoon’s voice gets so much lower in the nighttime, it's a gravely growl. A sound that paints pictures of lightning and clouds hovering low like a blanket.

“When all of this is over, I want to go somewhere new.” Namjoon's hands tighten on your waist. fingers pressing to either side of your spine, thumbs sitting on the soft bones of your hips. “-With you. Just you. Just the two of us. Maybe.” Namjoon fights back a fresh blush at the confused cock of your head. “Maybe- like- a fancy Airbnb? Or something? Would that be fun? Would you like that?” 

You pause, humming. Indulging Namjoon in this as he holds you, fingers rubbing endlessly up and down the sensitive small of your back. Eyes wide and imploring like a child. 

You're only too happy to forget for a second and imagine. What would happen if you didn’t leave tonight? What would happen if you found some way out of this?

It’s easy to go further than just thinking about a simple weekend getaway. You Imagine far into the future; a day that you'll never see. A future with Namjoon and the pack. It hits you with such a profound heartache when you think it that you half expect to look down and see your white tank top speckled with blood. The ache so keen and visceral but- 

Namjoon would be a good father. 

He’d be kind and patient. He’d never snap. He’d never yell. For a moment that’s all you want to think about- not a stupid weekend but a lifetime. A family. A world where you’re never yelled at, where you don't have to be afraid, where nothing is hard, and even if it’s hard you do it together.

If you had pups, you know Namjoon would treat every skinned knee like it was surgery. Would never tell them to walk it off or say it wasn’t that bad. You know that he’d go through every tea party with gusto and stay up late to help them with their homework. That he’d struggle to say no but that you might never need to. It would be lovely- getting to give something small and innocent so much safety. It would be nice to have pups with Namjoon.

You can’t say you don’t want it, but you know in that moment that you won't get it. You'll never get to see Namjoon be a father- even if the pups aren't yours or are just his and Jin's. You’d love them all the same. What use is it to Imagine things that you’ll never get? What good are dreams like this but to tease you, just out of reach. 

Namjoon nuzzles into your stomach again. His nose drawing soft circles just under your belly button. 

You’d be a shit mother anyway. Too fragile. Too nervous. Too hurt. Too much of everything. You'd fuck them up just by being you. You'd fuck them up the same way you've fucked up this perfectly good pack. You've brought nothing but destruction upon them. The evidence of your wreckage is everywhere. The bullets in the ceiling, the blown apart door. Your hands and Hobi's throat. All of this is because of you. 

You snap back to the present, swallowing down the lump in your throat. You’re gnawing at your own leg to survive. All things that bite cannot resist it. What good does hope do at the end other than to hurt?

You can't resist asking Namjoon for more, curled around you like a protective barrier to keep out all the world's hurts (or to keep you in). 

“If we went? Where would we go? If we made it- What would it be like Joonie?”

Namjoon rests his chin on your belly button and looks up at you. Completely unaware of the longing tearing its way through you, of what you’re thinking about. Not just one trip or one year, but ten or twenty or thirty. 

“Maybe south, to see the cherry blossoms?”

“We couldn’t go, not without Tae- cuz of the pink, and Hobi- cuz of the flowers”

Namjoon nods, agreeing. “Yeah- she does really like anything that’s pink.” There is a Tae-shaped smile on his face, you can feel it stretching your lips too. But he shakes it off, head bowed before you. Eyes closed against the image. 

“Still, somewhere safe and quiet just for us, just for you and I to take a deep breath and-” Namjoon trails off, looking up at you. His eyes sparkle with the idea of it, all the little moments he’s picturing.

A private morning where he wakes up to just you. Where you hog his warm spot and his pillow in the chilly spring air. Your cold toes pressed to his shins with nothing to do but appreciate each other and take your loving slow and intentional. Your body and his body and all the space and laughter that you want in between. An idyllic picture of two young people quietly in love. Gently in it.

After almost losing all of it, he wants the chance to properly appreciate you one-on-one. The others too- but they’re asleep, and sleeping vessels cannot reply to Namjoon’s daydreams. You are the only one awake.

(In Namjoon's fantasy, he'll give each of his packmates a different trip. every one of them even if it's just the ones he's recently almost lost that have him thinking of these particular plans.

Hobi would want just a day trip. Namjoon knows the alpha doesn’t really like to be separated from the pack for all that long, a few hours sure. Maybe to some vintage stores that he’s been eyeing to the city or the botanical garden.

Seokjin he’d take somewhere grand and big and full of adventure, maybe to 6 Flags or something. Jin likes to be reminded that he’s allowed to be a kid again, that he doesn’t always have to look after everyone all the time. That he has Namjoon to lean on.

Tae, he’d take somewhere gilded just as she is, like teatime at the Ritz- or maybe abroad to the castle of Versailles. The hall of mirrors and a million pictures of Tae in pretty dresses, twirling. In Namjoon’s head- he watches her turn and flutter slowly like a top. Spinning and spinning).

But none of that is quite your style. You don't really crave outings or adrenaline or gilded things. Your wants are much more simple maybe- because you've always known how priceless quiet and peace is. Gentleness is all you've ever really wanted- not excitement or acclaim or ego.

“A little cabin somewhere in the mountains, a spot for just us. We wouldn’t even have to do anything, A staycation. A night or two.” As the world spins on, you are who Namjoon craves to be still with.

You swallow hard, lingering, still half leaning over him still. Letting him nose at your jaw and purr.

“That would be so nice Joonie."

You swallow, throat thick with something. You lean forward pressing a kiss- too brief, to his lips, Namjoon’s lips part and he breathes gently. You blink back the glassiness in your eye and hope that Namjoon dismisses it as the light from the moon streaming through one of the skylights. All white and black. Wrenching you through something that feels like film. You commit the feel of him and the sound of his voice to memory and then pull back.

“I really need to get a glass of water.”

Namjoon shifts to get up, to come with you, but you just laugh at him and push at his shoulder, he flops back onto the bed.

“I can go on my own Joonie.” He grumbles but stays put. Nosing at the goosebumps on your arms and leaning to retrieve Hobi’s sweatshirt from where you left it in the nest. It smells like sleeping pups and Jin. Milky and soft and safe. Namjoon’s body shivers happily when he sees you put it on.

You squirm out from between his legs. His palm stays wrapped around the tips of your fingers. They slide out of his a little, and then all the way.

“It’s not safe.” You heave a tired sigh, what he thinks is a tired sigh but is actually you trying your hardest not to cry. You lean over him to grab the gun from where it’s rested against the nesting barrier. Getting your phone while you’re at it and sliding it into the pocket of your sweatshirt.

“Is that better?” Namjoon grumbles but still lets you go. Sitting there on the edge of your nest and guarding the others. You look back at him from the top of the stairs and smile.

The house is quiet, with no creeks on the stairs and no winds blowing across the roof. No sound at all in the house beyond your quiet footsteps that Namjoon listens to as you go down the stairs.

Feeling every second of your distance like the sluggish beat of his heart, thump thump thump. Namjoon looks back to look at his pack. Their bodies curled and resting, so gentle in sleep. After a few minutes, there are footsteps on the stairs, small soft ones.

Thump.

“They’re so beautiful” Namjoon comments to you. Waiting for reply.

The silence gnashes its teeth, still hungry.

When Namjoon turns back, it’s not you standing at the top of the stairs- just Noodle with his tail raised high. His yellow eyes glow almost florescent in the darkness, meowing and hissing so loud it might wake the others.

“Noodle, quiet.” The cat just doesn’t quit, batting at Namjoon’s ankles, claws and all. “Noodle- hush.” He scoops up the fussy cat, but Namjoon’s only reward is some claws to his forearms and some more squirming.

Downstairs, he hears a sound that makes him pause. Instincts going from at peace to on edge.

Thump

The front door opens and closes softly with a soft click of the metal doorknob.

Thump

Namjoon goes to the top of the stairs, holding Noodle in his arms before the cat squirms and falls to the floor with a thud. “Pup?” he calls, hushed. You don’t respond. Only silence greets him, sated at last.

Thump, breath, thud.

Namjoon waits a moment, listening for a response that doesn't come before he goes down the stairs, Noodle nearly trips him on the way down, hissing and pacing back and forth in front of the door. The ground floor of the house is completely absent of you- absent of anyone friend or foe. The room is soaked in the blue darkness of morning that is not quite dawn. The white countertops are unassuming and the plates stay in their places.

Thud.

The couch still has its dark spot from where Jin cleaned it. The tangerines are safely in the bowl back on the counter shining like several small suns or planets. Everything is empty empty empty.

Thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud

Namjoon checks the shoe rack. Your sneakers are missing, the same ones that match Hobi's and usually sit side by side with his. The spot where they should be empty.

Thud

Your wallet is missing from the bowl just inside the door.

Thud

Namjoon looks out onto the street and finds it empty.

Thud thud thud

Namjoon does not panic, Namjoon does not head out onto the street and chase you down- maybe he should have. He should have done any number of things. The sun is just barely rising turning the sky into that honey blue-green color and Namjoon just stands there and stares.

Namjoon is frozen. What kind of alpha is he- why kind of alpha freezes instead of fights or flights?

Thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud

A few minutes pass and something must tip off the packmates upstairs- either the empty nest or the sound of Noodle yowling and quite literally trying to bite Yoongi's ear off.

The next thing Namjoon is aware of is Yoongi is on the stairs, looking pissed off, looking terrified. almost falling down them with the speed at which he descends.

He takes the stairs down two at a time, colliding with Namjoon at the bottom of them. He looks like a puffed-up cat, hair wild and eyes equally as glaring as Noodles when he shakes Namjoon, just a little. “Where is she? Namjoon? Where did she go? Where is my mate!?"

Is it Yoongi's scent- acrid and angry- that knocks him out of his stupor? Or is it the top of his ruffled head almost colliding with the bottom of Namjoon’s jaw when the beta shakes him again.

Namjoon stutters, panic making him inarticulate. So scared he repeats it twice. "I don't know- I don't know, I- she said she was just getting a glass of water. I swear-"

Yoongi's fists tangle in the front of Namjoon's shirt. He sounds sick with it. Voice twisting in pitch.

"You were supposed to keep an eye on her- you weren't supposed to let her out of your fucking sight.”

There are other people on the stairs, roused by the sound of raised voices. A lone light flicked on sends everyone into yellow chiaroscuro. Namjoon is still staring at the street, heart thundering quicker than your footsteps as you run. The streetlights wink out behind you as you go. Fleeing with the night and bowing under the weight of oncoming daylight. Running as fast as your body can carry you.

Could he catch up if he started running now?

It's Jungkook, his dark hair pushed up at the side where it rested against the nest, who asks, “What happened?What’s going on?”

Tae’s eyes dart between Yoongi and Namjoon, her pink silk dressing gown wrapped tight around her shoulders. “Where’s the pup?”

"Yeah Namjoon, where the fuck is my mate??" Yoongi grits his teeth, shaking Namjoon so hard it almost knocks him off his feet and sends him careening a little into the narrow dresser table that the pack keeps by the door for gloves and mittens and keys and wallets.

“I don’t know, I don’t-"

Jungkook and Tae have just spilled out from the stairs into the entryway when Yoongi’s hands hit his shoulders, pushing and then digging into Namjoon’s skin. He’s shaking so hard he can hardly speak.

“You were supposed to be watching her. You were supposed to make sure she was safe-”

“Yoongi- hey- Stop” Tae’s not shaking anymore when gets her hands on his shoulders pulling him away from namjoon where he simmers. Jin is still asleep upstairs. Hasn’t been roused by all the tense voices. Too tired from yesterday- from staying up to scrub blood with Yoongi.

Jungkook skitters to the door as Jimin and hobi descend the steps. nearly bouncing on his heels as he opens the front door letting in a gush of cold air. “What are we waiting for? lets go."

Yoongi's face crumples. “I don’t get it, where did she go- why would she have-”

Hoseok swallows but talks softly, the swelling’s gone down enough even though the bruises look a million times worst in the sunlight streaming through the window. It’s not even 6am yet. His soft hiss is gentle, but the pack pauses to hear it.

“A deal- I think she made a deal.”

It's the first words he’s been able to speak since the attack. Vocal cords straining with every word. Everyone quiets to listen to Hobi. Jimin’s got the shotgun in his hands. He leans it up against the doorway. The heavy thunk punctuates the shocked quiet- but hobi continues.

“When the man was here- she tried to barter our lives with hers." Everyone looks to Tae. And her eyes lower to the floor.

“She did say that but I didn’t think she was serious, I just thought-”

The conversation is a flurry, everyone talking over each other as conversation explodes. Yoongi's face twists from devastated to enraged. “Jesus fucking Christ- that stupid stupid-”

Jungkook clings to Jimin's t-shirt, “What are we going to do? Hyung- what should we-”

Jimin hasn't spoken a word yet, and softly draws Jungkook's hands away from his shirt. “Where would she even have even gone?"

“Did someone pick her up?” Hobi’s words seem to ring out, even though his voice is so fragile.

Namjoon shakes his head. “No- I was listening, I didn’t hear any car in the road- not for like the whole hour.”

“So, you were listening enough to hear the street but not to stop her from literally walking away from us, great. Good to know Namjoon.”

“Yoongi that is like- the opposite of helpful.”

“There's still the matter of where would she have gone. She didn't take a car-” Hoseok looks up in Tae’s direction. She sees the realization light across his face.

“Hobi?”

But Hoseok ignores her, lurching to the small cabinet by the front door; the pack’s drop-off points for their keys, their wallets and your fuzzy little purse from your first ever date with jimin and tae as well as a good slice of Tae’s collection of little red pocketbooks. They keep their things this way because Namjoon loses his keys at least once a month a nd having a communal spot always helps the general disorder of having 8 people live in one house.

Hoseok scrambles not for your wallet but for his.

He reaches for his wallet. Opening it and searching but-

The train ticket is gone.

Your train ticket- the one that you gave Hobi for safekeeping so many months ago is missing from where he usually keeps it in the last slot. Right next to that folded poem of Tae's and an old gift card. In its place is just a simple folded note, a new piece of paper that hasn’t been worn soft at the edges yet. Torn from the same pad of paper that Jin writes the grocery list on. Hoseok’s hands shake as they fish it out. 5 words that aren’t nearly enough.

I’m sorry, I love you.

You’d never told him that- that you loved him. Not after you’d had sex and he’d confessed. Not in the tangle of moments that followed with Jimin bloody and the pack breaking. You’d never spilled your heart to him that way. In the back of his head, he realizes that there just hadn’t been time.

This is the first time you’ve told Hoseok you love him and maybe the last. Hoseok’s heart beats quick. She loves me. Thump. She loves me. Thump. She loves-

Hoseok shoots off like a bullet out the open door, thundering across the porch slats. Too fast for the rest of the sleepy pack to properly anticipate and follow. Peering out after him, a little sluggish and a lot shocked. His socks skid and slip as he tries to arrest his momentum and almost falls as He doubles back for his shoes.

The rest of the pack stares down at him blankly as he tugs them on, sprawled there on the floor just outside the door. Hands shaking too much for bunny-eared loops. He doesn’t even bother to lace them before he’s lunging for his car keys in the bowl too. Nearly knocking over the table in his haste.

“The train station- she’s going to the train station.” He gasps.

The words you shared that night ring in his head, playing on repeat. Like a record that’s been scratched too many times. He’s replayed those moments too many times. He’s not sure if he remembers it correctly.

“Give me one chance, let me try to convince you to stay and if I can’t- then I’ll let you go, and I won’t tell Yoongi what train you took.”

The countless times you’d joked with him after that, the moment so light that Hoseok didn’t notice the weight behind them.

“You still got that train ticket?”

“Of course I do.”

Hoseok never thought that you’d use it. He thought that the ticket would have stayed frayed and pretty in his wallet until you framed it or something. Until you could look back on it and laugh and say things like “remember that night? Remember how it used to be before we loved each other?”

“No, I don’t, can you remind me?”

This is not that, this is not the future that Hoseok had imagined for the two of you. This abject terror. Suddenly Hoseok is unmoored, suddenly he is falling. Usually, you can see the end from a mile away. Is it worse if you lose the person you love because of circumstance or because they decide to leave on their own? Hoseok never thought you'd actually do it.

Hoseok thought your promise last night meant something. Later when he’s not so scared he’ll remember that he’s angry about that.

The rest of the pack explodes too. Jungkook doesn’t bother to put on his shoes- just heaves Hobi up by his shoulders and pushes him towards his car. Yoongi snatches both of their pairs from the floor and joins them. Cold feet on the small pea-gravel driveway. Jimin darts forward wrenching off his arm sling regardless of Namjoon’s protests.

“I’ll drive” Jimin doesn’t have to wrestle with Hoseok’s keys for long. Even with his hands numb Jimin is still the best driver. He won’t pull corners or care about hitting curbs. He reeves it with a roaring purr while the rest get in and looks at Tae in the rearview mirror. Standing on the porch looking breakable and not all there still. Her eyes on his have that same peculiar weight, the same weight that makes Jimin’s blood sing with purpose.

If there was ever someone that Tae needed, it was you. Not Jimin. He will haul you back from the edge of hell if he needs to, for her. because this is not the ending that you and tae deserve. Jimin will tear you from hell. Teeth and sin and all.

Jungkook has barely shut the door before Jimin peals out, reversing until the tires screech against the asphalt and leave dark lines in their wake. Tire tracks, strings of fate, shoelaces. He shoots off down the street and out of sight, knocking over a trash bin with a clang and leaving Tae and Namjoon back on the porch.

Hoseok knows the name of the station you were most likely to go to but not how to get to it. It's an 15 minute walk, maybe a 10 minute run and it's already been 8 since you left. Jimin points his car in the direction of the main road while he pulls it up on his cell phone.

With every sharp turn Yoongi and Jungkook slosh in the back seat and hit into each other. Some early morning commuter honks his horn at Jimin but he doesn’t even see them. The scenery flickering by and the asphalt melting away underneath the wheels of Hoseok’s red car. The small grey towns melt away, Break lights bleeding less than they should. The engine stutters and engages but no one cares about the uneven acceleration. Hoseok would total this car in a heartbeat if it meant getting you in time.

At the straightaway Jungkook stoops to slip his feet into his shoes, Yoongi holding his shoulder. The phone in between them slides on the leather seat, spitting out its electronic voice, overly cheerful.

"Re-routing!"

“Wait Minnie- go left.”

“Fuck!” Jimin makes the turn just barely, sparks skittering and burning out as he goes over one of those tiny reflective dividers. Hoseok curses every pothole for damaging their momentum and slowing them down.

“Are you sure? Are you sure that it’s this station that she'd go to?” Hoseok’s heart is thundering in his ears, beating furious and fast.

“Almost positive.” Yoongi holds onto the back of Hoseok’s chair to keep himself in place.

“We have to get to her before she gets to the city. Can’t you go any faster?” Jimin jerks the wheel around a flashy BMW. Almost hitting them with how close he gets. Jimin lets the speedometer answer Yoongi's question. Pushing 60 in a 35 and then 70.

Your note is crumpled tight in Hoseok's fist, a tiny bit of yellow paper that he unfolds and looks at before shoving deep within the confines of his jacket.

Yoongi is not looking at hoseok when he says his next sentence. Hoseok's not even thinking about his old pack, he's just thinking about the fact that you love him and he never got to hear you say it. Not when Yoongi pulls himself almost between his and Jimin’s seat and repeats the same to Jimin again, the same only different.

Thud.

“We have to get to her before Moonbyul does, if she gets to her- I don't know what I'll be able to do Minnie- even with the power that I have Moonbyul still has more-”

Hobi’s flinch is visceral, jerking like he's shocked.

He turns around to look at Yoongi as Jimin blows through a stop sign and then a red light. Jungkook winces and doesn’t say anything. Pushing Yoongi’s shoes across the seat. “Hyung- you should get ready to run.”

Hoseok and Yoongi look at each other. Hoseok's turned almost all the way around in his seat to stare at Yoongi- more specifically Yoongi’s mouth. He’s not sure if Jimin’s painkillers would make him hallucinate but that’s the only logical reason his brain can come up with after hearing that name- her name- come out of Yoongi’s mouth.

“What?"

Jimin's voice is deathly quiet. "Hoseok- turn the fuck around. If I get into an accident at this speed you will die if you're not facing forward to the airbag."

Hoseok turns back to face the road. Jimin grips the wheel so hard his knuckles are white. “Thank you.”

The sunlight is just cresting the tops of the trees. Dotting the scenery blue and yellow. Hoseok’s ears are ringing with her name.

Yoongi pulls himself closer to Hoseok, hands still gripping the headrest, the only thing that keeps him from bobbing and moving with the movement of the car. Eyes locked on Hoseok's face in the rearview mirror.

"I said something- I said something and you're having a thought."

"I fucking hope so-" Jungkook's quip goes unnoticed. Unnoticed through the volley of honking horns as the red car tares through the street. By some miracle, they haven’t passed a cop car yet.

Hoseok looks in the rearview mirror, at Yoongi’s face. Biting his lower lip. “It’s nothing just that name.”

Hoseok looks at Yoongi and all he can think about is how he'd never said- he'd never told Yoongi their names. Saying them or even thinking them reminds Hoseok too much of his own begging. What kind of alpha begs for an omega to hurt them- to stay?

Yoongi just about puts himself in the front seat of the car as Jimin breaks hard to navigate around a tractor-trailer. Riding on the shoulder, the rumble strips vibrating all of them hard and roaring just like Hoseok’s blood thundering through his ears.

“Moonbyul? Moon Byul-yi? You know it?”

Hoseok shivers, the reaction of his body route, unavoidable. Jarring. Trauma builds itself into your bones whether you like it or not. Triggers are not so much a part of you as they are a light switch that makes the worst parts of you turn on.

"Yeah- I do. It’s the name of my ex-pack omega.” Now it’s Jimin’s turn to be distracted, and he almost gets into an accident for his troubles. They’re silent for a second, Yoongi and Jimin look at each other.

“It could be the same name.”

Yoongi scrambles for his phone on the seat right as Jimin makes a turn and it goes flying. He finds it underneath Hoseok’s seat, hands slippery with sweat on it.

“Hang on, I think I have a picture of her somewhere.”

Yoongi scrolls all the way to the back in his phone. Switches to Instagram, going back and back and back through time, and then he's sticking it in Hoseok's face.

Seeing her face feels like Yoongi’s slapped him. Her face is on Yoongi's phone. Why is her face on Yoongi’s phone? Her hair is longer than it was when they dated, she must not have cut it since. But it's definitely her.

Hoseok feels like he's spinning, it's been so long since he's seen her face but it's definitely the one from his nightmares, the one he sees grinning and crooning false praises that have stuck to Hoseok's soul like glue. The face that he sees behind his eyes and sees in every criticizing comment only on his bad days. She's standing shoulder to shoulder with Yoongi, both of them in black suits along with a man that looks enough like Yoongi for him to guess that that's his brother, your ex-husband.

Your abuser and his and Yoongi in between them. Hoseok can only hear ringing in his ears, he knows he sounds accusatory when he snaps. "How the fuck do you know my ex-pack omega?"

“She’s my cousin. Are you sure that's her?”

Hoseok feels like he’s spinning. “Yeah, I'm sure.”

“I thought you said your old pack was all omega’s?” Yoongi knows Hoseok’s lore, knows it like he knows the back of his hand. He looks up, hair falling across his face. Hoseok frowns jabbing his finger at the phone.

“I did. She’s an omega.”

The dissonance hits him and Yoongi almost wants to disagree but then-

Hoseok watches the lightbulb go off, Yoongi’s eyes widening imperceptibly as he paws at the phone and Hoseok’s hand. The car sickness lurches in his stomach as he turns to look back at Yoongi, and the g force hits him as Jimin takes another turn Impossibly fast. The seatbelt across Hobi’s chest engages with a click, digging into his skin and the bruises on his neck with a painful jerk.

“Are you sure? Hoseok- you have to be sure.”

“I’m sure.”

This is all a game of leverage. A game of who knows what secret and what gets exchanged for whom. Yoongi spent most of last night wondering about Moonbyul's motivation, and now he knows why.

Hoseok is holding onto Yoongi’s phone, they’re hands gripping it together. “Is this who she’s going too? The one who tried to kill us? Is-” Hoseok has to swallow to get the words out right. “Is Moonbyul the one trying to take her?”

“Yes.”

Hoseok shivers, eyes darkening, scent spiraling wildly. His muscles trembling as he thinks about it. You and Moonbyul.

Yoongi pulls himself around Jimin’s headrest. Hand on his throat, digging into his scent gland. He doesn't have time to explain to them.

Only alphas can lead the family, only alphas can rule. If Moonbyul isn't one- that calls into question the legitimacy of her rule. The families would never stand to see an omega on the throne, she'd be ousted, probably killed for daring to lie. The families would tear her apart piece by piece and Yoongi would let them.

If Moonbyul is the person who hurt Hobi- and now she's going after you- that's two people that Yoongi loves that she's directly hurt. Yoongi is thinking all sorts of dangerous things. But they have to get to you first.

If Moonbyul isn't an alpha then Yoongi's just found his leverage and maybe the whole reason why the pack was targeted in the first place.

A packmate for a secret. Yoongi imagines the worst-case scenario; Don't tell and I won't hurt her. Don’t tell anyone and she lives.

How long had she stewed and festered- knowing that Hoseok was out there- knowing that he knew the secret that could lead to her undoing. Maybe she thought his knowing would never come back to bite her, and had intended on tying up the loose end later. Maybe she didn't know Hoseok had found his way into Yoongi's arms until after the old Don and Beta had died. She probably thought that they’d never put it together- at least not until it was too late.

Whatever her reasons, this has gone on long enough.

Yoongi opens his mouth, but Hoseok’s body is taught like a spring-loaded and ready to burst. His voice a near growl.

“Jimin, I need you to drive.”

~-~

Tae and Namjoon are left standing there on the porch. Namjoon left staring after them as they hurl away from the house. Running his hands through his hair hard. Thinking of what to do until-

Tae tugs on his sleeve, “Your phone- Joonie- you should call her.”

“Right- fuck-” Namjoon goes and gets it, and comes back to stand with Tae on the porch. “Come on- come on pick up.” Namjoon paces back and forth on the front porch, the snowmelt from the roof drips out an uneven rhythm onto the railing. the cold spray hitting his stress-warm skin.

Tae stands by the door. Frozen, a statue of Namjoon’s distress. Inside, Namjoon hears a voice. Jin coming down the stairs, probably roused by the sound of the car screeching out of the driveway and down the road.

“Tae? Where is everybody?”

“Pup’s being stupid. The others left to go get her before she’s like- really really stupid.”

Jin freezes in the doorway, fist rubbing his eye. He sounds smaller and younger than Namjoon’s ever heard him. “Am I having a bad dream?” namjoon's pacing stutters and then starts up again. Jin doesn't need him right now, Jin he can help later.

Tae takes Jin's hand and leads him to the outdoor furniture. The cushions have to be damp but they sit anyway. Tae pulls her knees under her and rests her cheek on Jin's shoulder. “That’s what I thought too at first.”

Namjoon almost sobs when he hears it- the click of the dial tone and a single breath. He can hear the thud of the train in the background, the hiss of pressure against the scratchy speaker.

“Pup? oh thank god, stay where you are- the others are-”

“Namjoon? Joonie stop- I didn’t pick up so that you could convince me to come back. I only picked up because I never said goodbye.”

Namjoon freezes, and he feels like the snowmelt from the roof has just dripped down his back. Growing frigid more with each word. If there was ever a question on if you’d gone willingly or been taken- it was answered with that.

“Pup, come home right now or I swear to god-”

“No! For once you’re going to listen!” You’ve only shouted at him a handful of times and he’s hardly ever heard you sound so serious.

"No- you can't-"

“Namjoon, The second you say anything to try and convince me to stay is the moment I hang up, so what is it gonna be?”

Namjoon goes silent and stops his pacing. Holding the phone so hard it feels like the plastic and metal might break.

Namjoon’s very being hinges on every syllable you say, Like the ocean hinges on the moon. Water tethered and kept from the shore by something as simple as gravity. Tae is right there. Tae is watching the driveway not saying anything with that same blank look Namjoon has seen on your face countless times.

All at once Namjoon is reminded of you in the summertime back when he first met you and trauma had you all quiet. Staring off into space in much the same way. Small and fragile and worth saving. You’ve always been that for him; worth saving.

Jin scrubs a hand across his face, clearing himself of the last little bits of sleep. He holds out his hand for the phone, but Namjoon doesn’t give it to him just paces right by him as he listens to you.

“I only picked up the phone because I have some things that I want to say to you.”

You sound more settled and less angry but just as resigned and convicted of what you're doing. Like no part of you doubts your choices. Namjoon wishes you sounded angry, that you sounded sad, but you don’t sound like any of those things.

“I'm not leaving because I think I don't deserve a life with you and the pack. I’m not leaving because I think that I’m not worth your love. I’m leaving because for the first time I know that I am.

“For the first time I understand why Yoongi left and why he didn’t come back until he knew it would be safe. Because when you love something the way that I love you, you’ll do anything to protect them. Can you really blame me Joonie? For doing what you might have done?”

You continue on like you’re not wrenching Namjoon’s heart clean from his chest. Like you’re not a hurricane on his very being- dark and thunderous tearing through him as impersonal as wind. Namjoon’s heart thuds and thuds and thuds.

“Before I leave you, I want you to know that if I loved you less- I might have stayed.”

Namjoon’s lungs ache, ache and sting and swell with words he can’t say, he can’t breathe. His mouth screwed into a soundless sob. He actually might be having a panic attack. He's never had one before- he's not sure if he knows what one feels like. If it's like this- if it's like this he can understand why people call them an attack.

It's frantic, like he's chewing off his own leg to get out of your words. The panic is so terrible. Namjoon hasn't been this scared since he was a child. At least Yoongi had the fucking decency not to make his leaving so visceral.

Namjoon is bent over, tears dripping down his nose, sagging almost to his knees. “Why are you doing this to us!? To me!”

Something jiggles the phone, something that makes your voice all warbly- Namjoon imagines you on the train in a window seat. Resting your cheek against the balmy glass while you talk to him. Staring out at the scenery racing by. Hurtling towards your future like a comet or maybe an asteroid (something more destructive- more appropriate for the wretchedness filling Namjoon’s lungs like tar, the desiccated bodies of the dreams he had for you and the plans he made with you in mind clogging his lungs and making it hard to breathe).

Who knows, maybe off between the trees and the road, you see a red car zooming, trying to keep pace with the train.

Namjoon’s heart feels like it’s skipping too many beats.

“Something Jin told me the other day got stuck in my head and I keep thinking about it, would you like to hear it?”

You take his silence for permission and Namjoon does not turn to look at Jin and Tae sitting on the outdoor furniture. They just sit there; they don't do anything. Namjoon wishes there was something they could do or something he could barter for your safe return but you already have all of him and all of him wasn't enough to make you stay.

“Jin showed me this little article the other day- a few weeks ago now. He can tell you it in more detail but basically, it was about these mice.”

Namjoon struggles to say something- unsure where you’re going with this but desperate to keep you on the line. At least until the others get to you. Drinking down your voice, the whisper of your breath, everything.

“They made like- two test groups, they wanted to measure like- willpower- or how long they would try to live before they gave up. It’s kinda dark I guess. I'm not a good judge of things like that you know.”

Your laugh is the prettiest and saddest thing that Namjoon’s ever heard. He wants to record it and save it for later like some hidden track and he never wants to hear it again.

“Anyways- they put the mice and a bucket of water and timed how long it took for them to stop swimming, to stop trying to live. They’d try for a little while but give up pretty quickly. Like- an hour. That’s how much will to live that they had: an hour’s worth of it.”

Namjoon breaks, shouting, “I don’t want to talk about mice I want to talk about getting you the fuck home!”

Namjoon can hear your smile in your voice, And no-no-no you won’t even let him fight- you won’t even let him snap at you and engage with it. Namjoon’s seen you sad, he’s seen you defeated. He’s seen you so hungry you could hardly hold your head up. But seeing you convicted of this punishment is worse than anything.

“Anyway- they just killed the first group for a baseline. But with the second group just before they died- just before they went underwater- They took them out of the water and dried them off.”

Your voice goes hushed at the end. The morning sunlight cuts across the top of the house yellow. The tree too- it’s early morning- Namjoon’s favorite time of day and he won’t be ever able to properly enjoy it again. Won’t ever be able to wake up at this time of day and not think about the morning you left.

“They let them rest and gave them some food.”

Namjoon feels like he’s about to have a heart attack, blood thumping and hitting against his ribcage. Bullying out the flowers and the butterflies in his stomach.

“Cuddled them a little.”

Namjoon stands at the doorway to the pack den. Hands so tight in their fists that they ache and ache. Namjoon’s hands have saved countless people’s lives before, and they’ve saved yours too- but right now they just hurt.

“And when they put them back in,”

Noodle meows dolefully from the door, swatting at Jin’s ankles and then purring around Tae’s. Namjoon’s knees are shaking.

“They lasted for a whole 12 hours longer. Because they thought they might be saved. Because they had some love to remember. They were able to last for a lot longer than they would have otherwise.”

His face is screwed something terrible with how hard he’s sobbing. How is it that just an hour ago you were safe in his arms, talking about getting away from here. Just an hour ago. It's still 5am a time zone away, if Namjoon got on a plane and flew there- would you still be safe? Is there any way to turn back time?

You only get to love people for as long as you get and not a second more. You get what you get and you don't get upset. Yoongi might have been your lifeblood, the air in your lungs and your reason for existing, but you’d still be that fragile creature close to drowning if it wasn’t for Namjoon.

“Namjoon?” You say his name once and then softer, a croon. “Joonie.”

He's sobbing too hard to see, “Don’t-”

“Thank you for drying me off.”

The phone clicks and disconnects.

Namjoon falls to the stairs, ass in a puddle but none of him cares. He remembers the first day he heard you speak, sitting on these stairs while he helped Yoongi fix the railing. Namjoon remembers the summer heat and feeling scared for you for the first time- because the railing felt so rickety and the last thing he wanted was for you or Jungkook or Hobi to fall. Namjoon is the one who is falling, hurtling towards destruction that stops and ends with his heart.

His hands hurt. He remembers laughing with the others and stealing sips of sweet tea. Nibbling on the sour lemons, sweaty and hot and dusty. His eyes feel like they’re going to fall out of his head with how hard he’s crying. He remembers that you’d poked his dimples and called them pretty, he remembers feeling tired after but fulfilled for it.

One scene in summer and the other in winter now. At the beginning of a relationship and now at the end. The stairs still creek, the wind still blows and Namjoon's hands are still sweaty.

Namjoon sobs loudly and it echos across the empty cul-de-sac gut-wrenching. People cry differently when they lose people they love. Namjoon has heard people cry like this after he’s told them bad news, no sign of brain activity. We did everything that we could. I'm so sorry. It sounds different now that it’s coming out of his own mouth.

He actually might pass out with how hard he’s breathing. Teeth dig into his lower lip so hard he tastes blood. He’s still holding the phone to his ear. “Pup- wait- I love you- you can’t do this to us- to me.” But you’ve already hung up on him.

The dial tone tears through him like a bullet. Namjoon should be bleeding, broken hearts don't hurt this much without blood. People don’t hurt this much without actual wounds.

Eventually, something touches his back, a soft furry creature that only makes Namjoon sob harder as Noodle bullies his way under Namjoon’s arm and licks at his fingertips. Before long there’s hands on him. Jin and Tae pull him up and onto the furniture. One hand in his hair and the other on his shoulder. Jin grabs his wrist. Circling it gently before he holds his hands and nudges them until they relax from their clenched fists.

Namjoon cries.

Together they watch the road and wait for the others to return.

~-~

(Hidden playlist ▶ Play track?)

“Shit!”

They miss the first train by just a few seconds. It screeches away from the platform when Jungkook gets out of the car. Standing there for a breath and watching it pull away. The metal thud screech of it drowns out Yoongi’s voice.

Jimin hits the wheel and growls before he revs the engine and turns, almost hitting a fire hydrant with how quick and jerky he backs up and accelerates. Leaning forward through the window to snap at Jungkook.

“Get back in the fucking car!”

Jungkook does, the door barely latching and almost swinging free as Jimin peels out of the parking lot. Slamming back shut when Jimin does a near 180 to accelerate back onto the main road.

“Sorry hyung,” Yoongi doesn’t need to reply- they all know that every second matters.

Jimin almost collides with a car stopped at the light before he drives on the shoulder, spinning around them. The train matches the road at this part of the tracks so it’s easy to follow it. They keep pace with it as Jimin pushes 70 miles an hour and then 80.

Jimin keeps the gas pedal well acquainted with the floor until they're going faster than the train. Weaving in and out of traffic back and forth, getting honked at and almost cut off several times. Leaving his packmates to grip to seats and their handles. Worried about getting thrown off but still- not wearing their seatbelts.

“We’re never going to make it! It’s too fast! We’re going to hit traffic soon!” The closer they get to the city the less likely it is that they'll be able to catch up to you. It's nearly early morning rush hour, another 30 minutes and these roads will be at a standstill.

“Hang on- let me see the map,” Hoseok watches Yoongi look at it.

“If we go to the next station, we won’t make it. But, if we try to go to the one after that and cut it off-” A look around the car says everyone agrees with Yoongi. Jimin steps on it, and there are a terrifying few minutes where Jimin’s driving skills honestly make them all count their prayers and promise things to gods that they’re already not fond of- but when they skitter and screech into the next station he hears it.

“The next inbound train will be arriving shortly, please collect your belongings. And remember-“

Hoseok is hot on the announcements heals. Sliding to get out of the car before it’s really stopped. “If we miss this one just go to the next station without us-”

“-if you see something say something.”

The train is coming- Hoseok can see the lights about a 100 feet down the tracks and it's moving fast. Yoongi almost makes to get out but Hoseok just shoves him back inside. Jungkook gets out of the car too, bolting in the direction of the stairs. “Hoseok-”

“Yoongi- Just go!”

There are maybe three flights of stairs up, then 50 feet across the tracks, and then the same amount of steps down. He and Jungkook book it up them. Making every second count. Hurtling through time and air. Ignoring the sore and tired pulse of their muscles. They’re clearing the top step and the train is below them. A silver bullet careening and destined to do damage but slowing down.

They bolt across the landing past the ticket kiosk and through the push doors. The train is stopping with a hiss of breaks and a screech of metal. A release of pressurized air that billows up to them warm carrying with it the smell of tar and city.

Hoseok’s lungs are burning. Jungkook is usually faster by just a little bit and would be on any ordinary day. They might be roughly the same height but Hoseok doesn't do cardio nearly as often as Jungkook does. Jungkook's the one who runs every day, who does cardio like it's sleeping and marathons like they're mid-afternoon naps. Who works out and hones his body to a lethal edge just because he can.

But he doesn’t run like Hoseok does.

Hoseok runs like his life depends on it- the same way you would run if he was walking into Geumjae’s arms. You’d never let Geumjae touch even a hair on Hoseok’s head and if- if Moonbyul is who you’re going to- then there is more at stake than just your phsyical safety, too much at stake for Hoseok to be held back by his body.

Hoseok thinks of the tiramisu. Of walking with you on the beach. Of making your nightime stacks just the way you like it. Of holding you that one time you almost fell into the water. Telling you that you had to be careful. Hoseok remembers driving out in his car, tugging your seatbelt to make sure it fit snug. Standing with you side by side in the flower refrigerators at work and the feeling the first time you’d rubbed your scent gland to his. Every playlist of his with your name on it, every song that you ever shared. All of that- she’s going to destroy all of that if Hoseok doesn’t get to you in time.

He remembers how small she made him feel. How small you were when he first saw you. He won’t let you get that way again. Hoseok won’t let you disappear.

Jungkook is the one who would win this race on any other day, where the stakes any different, but just this once Hoseok is faster. Hurling himself over the concrete as fast as his body will take him. Hoseok cuts through the air like wind.

They run, feet thumping. Bodies thudding, hearts and lungs delivering oxygen to their needy muscles. Beat-up sneakers gripping the concrete. Down and down the stairs, plummeting. Almost tripping and falling on the slippery concrete steps. The doors start to close just as they round the corner.

By some miracle of blood and sweat, Hobi's the one who overtakes Jungkook. The doors are closing and the train's metal shell is beginning to hum and vibrate as it makes to pull away from the tracks.

In a last-ditch effort, Hoseok throws himself in the direction of the closing doors.

~-~

Please Like, Comment, and Reblog! Every bit of encouragement helps me write the next chapter!

Come tell me what you liked about this chapter!

Series Masterlist ~ Donate ~ Twitter

~-~

Do i think that hobi could have actually warned the pack what she was planning to do? Yes. Do I also think that he thought he had more time to warn them and really wanted to sleep off his near death experience? also yes. Namjoon giving him drugs obviously didn't help. i honestly don't think he was thinking clearly.

this is one of those chapters where everything could have gone differently if they'd just been given a little bit more- but i digress- we all know life isn't so neat and tidy.

I can't not write thinking about the angsty alternative ending for bily- but you guys should know the namjoon/m/c scene...if things had gone poorly in this chapter- this would have been the last time they spoke or touched each other for 3 years- for those who are wondering about the alternative ending- i will NOT be posting any of it on AO3. Only on tumblr through asks! i'll try to tag the super triggering stuff but yeah.

when i think of namjoon and the m/c and their relationship- i think that what they want most for each other is to just see the other old and happy like- that becomes the foundation for their relationship. thats why it's namjoon who she thanks. it also doesn't escape me that yoongi is not in this chapter very much- this is intentional. just wait for next chapter and his anger! i swear its so fucking hot my god i really wanted them to fuck in the next chapter but i just don't think it's going to happen.

the og version of this chapter called for jimin parking hobi's car on the tracks and literally letting the train hit it- not derail- but just hit it. just to get it to stop for the m/c however i figured that was going a bit too far.

Me writing any part with jimin in it- "what if i added a bit of religious trauma to it?"

the line where namjoon talks about his hands hurting is like- directly related to me, because my hands didn't hurt all the time before i started writing bily but now my Knuckles hurt almost every morning. After writing for more than an hour they hurt. i guess when you love something enough it hurts you lol i don't mind.

the "you want a lifetime with them" lines are mostly a callback to like...grey's anatomy. namjoon's charecter is LOOOSELY based on mcdreamy of course the whole...neurosurgeon thing and i am 3 seasons into a re-watch so~ you will have to tollerate that cringeworthy refrence~

i've always wanted to structure a chapter around the thud and thump of a heart and yeah!! i think did a few back but i wanted to do it again~

i don't think i was very subtle with the hoseok train station and the train ticket parts of the story like- i think i forshadowed pretty heavily that it was eventually going to be used but! i hope you liked the big reveal.

how did you guys like the cliffhanger? should i spoil it for you when i've always said that bily would get a happy ending????? i mean...come on... we all know hoseok's gonna be fast enough right?

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑴𝒂𝒇𝒊𝒂! 𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛: 𝑯𝒆𝒍𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝑶𝒇 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging or promoting mafia behavior or lifestyle. This is simply a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

"Ok ok stop fussing now. I'll get you out now."

Hongjoong walked over to the portable crib and picked up his son who was currently whining and kicking his legs around, hating being cooped up inside the contraption for too long. Hongjoong picked him up and looked at him.

"You know, not even the people we lock up in solitary confinement complain as much as you."

The baby reached his tiny hands out, gently patting at his father's nose and cheeks, making Hongjoong chuckle.

"Then again none of them have ever been half as cute as you are. It's a crime to be this cute. I should punish you."

Hongjoong nuzzled his nose against his son's, causing the baby to let out a happy squeal. A tiny buzz let Hongjoong know Yunho was calling him.

"Hey Hongjoong. Your boss is on the line."

Hongjoong rolled his eyes at Yunho's teasing, always saying how you were the real boss. Putting the baby down so he could crawl as he liked, Hongjoong picked up the phone.

"Hey honey." He greeted you.

"How's the baby doing?" You asked.

Hongjoong got a deadpan expression.

"Well hello to you too Mrs. Kim, I'm fine too thanks for asking."

Hongjoong was so concentrated on your conversation he didn't realize the door was open and the baby inadvertently went out.

"He's fine don't worry. And he's no trouble at all, he's currently crawling around my office-"

Hongjoong abruptly stopped when he realized the baby was gone.

"Hongjoong....? What's going on?"

He could hear you getting ready to scold him if anything happened to your child. He stammered as he began looking around for him. A beep on the other line let you both know someone else joined your call.

"I think an enemy spy has infiltrated our base, but honestly, I don't have the heart to fight back." Yunho's voice was followed an incoherent babble, belonging to none other than your baby.

"Oh my God! Yunho is he with you?" You were relieved to find out the baby was ok.

"Yep, and although I'd usually send out a ransom note, I think I'm keeping him hostage for a while." He chuckled.

Hongjoong fumed as he walked out of his office.

"Heck you will! Give me back my son!"

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

Seonghwa peeked his head into the room, 7 pairs of eyes staring at him intently. Hongjoong sighed softly.

"You're late." He told him.

"Sorry. Got caught up with something." Seonghwa apologized.

"Whatever. Just get in. You haven't missed much of the meeting." His leader assured him.

Hongjoong was about to resume speaking, but he, like the rest of the members watched as Seonghwa opened the door and went to take his seat, a baby carrier on his left hand with his baby daughter inside.

"Night light!" San exclaimed the nickname they all had for Seonghwa's daughter.

"Night fury got stuck with babysitting duty?" Yeosang raised an eyebrow.

Seonghwa glared at him, about to say something but was stopped by Hongjoong.

"Guys! Meeting! Focus ok?"

Hongjoong began talking once again, detailing about a government cargo ship that was soon to land in the city, containing secret weapons.

"Now, if our information is correct, it'll get here in-"

A soft and subtle sneeze interrupted him, followed by a chorus of 'aaaws' and 'ooohs'.

"She's the deadliest weapon ever!" San clutched his heart.

"Yeah! Who can resist that level of cuteness?" Mingi agreed, crouching down to poke her tiny nose.

"I know! Isn't she adorable?" Seonghwa beamed with pride at his baby.

"Guys, remember? Timeline-" Hongjoong tried to get their attention again.

"Has she started talking yet?" Jongho asked.

"No not yet. But she's babbling a lot more, mostly songs in movies or cartoons though." Seonghwa explained.

"Ooooh! Can she do the banana song?! Night light! Watch uncle Woo."

Wooyoung began singing the minions song, not really getting a reaction out of the baby and further causing Hongjoong's annoyance to spike up.

"One more interruption and I'm shooting you all in your legs!"

They all stayed quiet, not wanting to further anger their leader. Hongjoong let out a sigh of relief.

"Now, as I was saying-"

"Ba ba ba, ba na na." The baby interrupted him as she tried to sing the song Wooyoung was previously singing.

They all stared in shock and adoration at her.

"Ok, that's actually fucking cute." Hongjoong admitted.

Seonghwa only giggled as he picked up his daughter and kissed her cheek.

❥𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

Yunho tried shushing the whimpering baby underneath his desk.

"Buddy come on. You're going to get me in trouble. Now shush."

Having no alternative, he picked up his baby son, cradling him in his arms as he tried to keep him from making anymore noise. He cooed at him and even made funny faces, but the boy didn't seem to calm down.

"Why are you being like this?" Yunho pouted.

The baby nuzzled his face against his father's chest before opening his mouth against it. Yunho immediately pulled the baby a few inches off him.

"Ok I get it now. You're hungry. Please don't do that again. My body doesn't work like your mom's."

Setting the boy back in the carrier, Yunho reached inside the baby bag and got out the bottle and baby formula. He quickly mixed them together, careful not to spill any of it on his desk. He looked around and realized he had absolutely no idea how he was going to heat it up. When the baby began fussing again, he quickly stooped down, trying to quiet him down.

"Uhhh Yunho?"

Yunho hit his head as he quickly stood up, looking at Yeosang who was right in front of him with a folder. Yeosang noticed the baby bottle in his hand and snorted.

"Is that your new guilty pleasure?" He teased.

"I'm not in the mood Yeosang. In case you haven't noticed, I sneaked him in."

Yunho picked up his child and rocked him in his arms, trying to stop his crying.

"Hi junior." Yeosang waved.

Scanning the baby, Yunho and the bottle, Yeosang ended up deducing what was going on.

"Give me the bottle, I'll heat it up for you." Yeosang offered, taking the bottle away from him.

"You will? Thanks Yeo. I'd really appreciate it." Yunho thanked him.

"No problem..." Yeosang looked at the bottle, studying its structure and model.

"I kinda want to try out the new fire weapon I created and this might just be the perfect test subject..."

When he heard those words, Yunho quickly stopped Yeosang.

"A microwave will do Yeosang! Don't fucking use my son's bottle for one of your weird experiments!"

Yunho gasped when he realized he cussed in front of his kid.

"Don't tell your mom."

❥𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮����𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

Yeosang carefully weighed the powder into the brown paper bags, careful not to go above the amount he needed. His eyes trailed to the tiny hand that tried reaching up for the contents he had.

"No no no sweetheart. Don't touch anything."

He put what he had in his hands down and picked up his daughter, setting her down and making her rest on top of a stack of books he had.

"Ok. Here you go. Play with this. Your mom says you like it." He handed her the rattle that was shaped like a chicken leg before going back to concentrate on his task.

The baby shook the rattle a few times before becoming bored with it. Instead, she was fascinated by all the intricate colors and strange devices inside her father's laboratory. Looking next to her, she saw a display of assorted test tubes that had different liquids in them. Curiously, her hand reached out to grab the red colored one. At that moment, Yeosang had finished weighing the stuff out and placed them in a container. When he looked back, he saw his daughter pulling out the test tube.

"No don't touch-"

Yeosang quickly scooped the baby up and covered her with his body as the tube fell to the floor, not only splattering the contents, but immediately setting off a tiny explosion that spread a horrible smelling gas in the air. Yeosang covered his daughter's face as he quickly got them out of the room. At that moment, Jongho came running down the hall.

"What was that?!" He immediately asked.

"One of the test tubes I was working on." Yeosang explained, as he scanned his daughter to make sure she was all right.

"Seriously Yeosang?! We've told you time and time again to be careful! How did it even happen?"

Yeosang immediately turned to his daughter, who was merely sucking on her thumb, looking at him with the most innocent eyes ever.

"You're lucky it was one of the least deadly ones and I got you out of there in time. Otherwise we'd both be laughing ourselves to death." Yeosang chuckled at her and kissed her forehead.

Jongho shook his head.

"I swear to god, if your daughter becomes another crazy scientist like you, I'm joining another gang."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

The diminutive man strolled from one corner of the alley to another, sighing as he stared once again at his watch.

"Where the fuck are they?" He shook his head, hating people being late above anything else.

Finally hearing footsteps, he saw the two figures approach him. He smiled contentedly until he saw that one of them had a baby strapped to his chest.

"All right Changbin, we got the money now where's the drugs?" San asked, not yet giving him the bag of money.

Changbin looked at San, then back at the baby boy.

"Don't look at the baby, look at me." San gestured to his eyes.

Changbin raised an eyebrow at him before looking over at Wooyoung, who looked completely unfazed.

"Just don't even question it man." Wooyoung suggested.

Changbin hesitantly got out the package from his coat. He was about to hand it to them, but he stopped when he looked at the baby again.

"Don't look at the baby, look at me." San repeated himself.

"Look man! It's just feels completely unorthodox to make illegal transactions in front of an innocent baby ok?! Did you kidnap it or something?" Changbin scanned him.

San scoffed in offense.

"This is my kid! Can't you see the resemblance? He's as handsome as me."

Changbin raised an eyebrow.

"You're seriously bringing your kid.... you know what? Never mind."

Changbin opted for giving the package to Wooyoung and then taking the bag of money.

"Pleasure doing business with you."

San waved at him when he departed. As him and Wooyoung made their way back to the car, his son started babbling something incoherently. San looked down and patted his head.

"Yes I know he's a mean, grouchy dwarf. Don't worry about him."

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

Mingi sat down on the stool in front of the bartender, setting down the carrier on the chair next to him.

"I'm here." Mingi told the man who had his back turned.

"Oh Mingi you've come. Tell me what can I get-"

The pink haired man stopped when he saw the baby and pointed at her.

"Just give me my usual and don't worry about her. She's covered."

Mingi opened his trench coat and took out a baby bottle before taking the baby out of the carrier so he could feed her.

"You got the info Hyunjin?" Mingi lowered his voice.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes as he prepared him his drink.

"Mingi you brought a baby inside a bar. Forget trying to avoid unnecessary attention, everyone is already looking at you weird."

Mingi looked around, noticing a couple people staring at him as if he was crazy.

"Oh...right."

Hyunjin set the drink out in front of him before pulling out a folder and sneakily handing it to Mingi.

"Even got a few of the members' names gathered for you. Don't be fooled by their small numbers. These guys are very deadly and are slowly gaining momentum in the criminal world."

Mingi nodded and stuffed the folder in his coat. At that moment, his phone started ringing and he panicked when he saw who it was.

"Do me a favor. Hold her and cover her ears."

Hyunjin obeyed and cringed when Mingi fired a gun at the roof.

"I'm gonna need all of you to be quiet for a minute or else I'll put a bullet in your heads."

Mingi then quickly answered the phone, suddenly changing his tone.

"Hey baby. Oh nothing. I'm with Seonghwa, he wanted to see the baby.....no! I'm most definitely not working at the moment." He laughed awkwardly.

Hyunjin shook his head and looked down at the baby girl in his arms.

"Mind sharing some of your milk with me? I think I need it."

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

"Wooyoung? Do you see the target?" Yeosang's voice echoed through his ear piece.

Wooyoung casually tilted his head to the side.

"No. There's too many people. " Wooyoung answered casually.

He looked down when he heard his daughter sneeze.

"Bless you." Wooyoung cooed at her.

"I'm literally trying to put a bullet through a man's head and you're giving me your blessings?" Yeosang asked.

"Not you idiot! My princess just sneezed and-"

"Oh my gosh! What a lovely baby you have!"

Wooyoung turned to find a young woman standing in front of him, twirling her hair in her finger as she looked at him and his daughter.

"Thanks..." Wooyoung answered.

"Is she yours?" She asked, stepping closer to him, reaching her hand out.

"Yeah...mine." Wooyoung shifted in his seat, moving the baby so she wouldn't touch her wandering hands.

Wooyoung tried not to cringe as the girl didn't seem to get the hint and continued talking to him.

"Want me to put a bullet in her head?" Yeosang offered.

Wooyoung immediately declined the offer as quietly as possible, not hearing what the girl said until she repeated herself.

"I asked if there was a mom in the picture."

She tucked her hair behind her ear before sitting down next to Wooyoung, her hand brushing on his shoulder.

"Cause if not.....I could help out in more ways than one." She bit her lip.

Before Wooyoung could even respond, he was saved when you suddenly showed up.

"I'm giving you ten seconds to run before I pull the trigger."

The girl froze when she felt a gun pointed at her back. Wooyoung waved.

"Hi honey." He smiled.

"Don't 'honey' me. First you take our daughter out on a mission and then I find some skank trying to take my place?" You scoffed.

"Should have taken my offer when you had the chance." Yeosang poked fun at him.

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

Jongho kept his eyes on the road, occasionally looking at the rearview mirror to check on the little boy in the baby seat.

"Getting sleepy there buddy?" Jongho chuckled when he saw the baby's eyes open and close slowly.

"Don't worry. After we deliver this package, I promise I'll take you to get ice cream......just don't tell your mom I've been feeding you that before you're old enough."

Jongho began to sing softly, hoping it'll help the baby sleep faster. However when he looked at the rearview mirror again, he noticed a strange looking car tailing right behind him.

"Huh....strange..... very strange."

Jongho gripped the steering wheel tightly. Looking back at his son, he noticed he was now fully awake.

"Buckle up buddy cause we're in for a fun ride."

Shifting the gear, Jongho immediately pressed down on the accelerator before rapidly making a u-turn, momentarily confusing the car behind him. Jongho drifted through the different alleys, hoping to loose the car, but it still seemed to catch up to him. His son on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the fun ride.

"Oh shit." Jongho cursed when he saw you were calling.

Pressing the button, he answered your call.

"I just got off work, barely going back. Think you can handle the boy for a little bit longer?" You asked.

"Take all the time. I'm going to be late too."

Jongho made a rather sharp turn that had your son squealing excitedly. You immediately sensed something was off.

"You're on a mission aren't you?"

"Yeah and we kinda ran into some chasers." Jongho chuckled rather amused.

You sighed softly.

"Where are you?"

"Gangnam district. Near the old abandoned factory." He answered as he continued trying to loose the car behind him.

"Give me 5 minutes and I'll be there."

Jongho couldn't help but bite his lip at your words.

"God baby, I love you so much."

He then turned his attention to his son who was still having the time of his life.

"Hear that bud? Mommy is gonna be joining us soon."

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. The trial happening right now bothers me because we get to see how Thanatos and Echo reacted to this, but Demeter and Persphone don’t know and I know why they don’t know yet. However you think that would tie some more stuff up together

It was Minthe, Thanatos and Thetis who whistle blew on Persphone. Meaning Thanatos would probably be called to trial and would have to face persphone and I would hope say something to her BUT I kinda doubt that’s gonna happen.

But the other thing to this Minthe is a plant who can’t testify. Are hades and Persphone hide the fact she’s a plant and pretend she’s missing or are they gonna say “yeah I still don’t have control over my powers but I’m queen now” HOWEVER I truly believe RS is just gonna not address these two plot points until way later.

FINALLY Eros and Psyche KNOW the last person Daphne was seen with was Apollo, did they chase after her after he got shot by the arrow? We don’t know. We don’t even know what they’re doing about Psyche. Did Eros and Psyche even see the Daphne tree? Are they going to try and sneak in to tell Persphone?

I know the plots gonna focus more on HxP secret marriage at the court trial rather than the actual consequences and the fact people are turning into greenery left and right. (It’s not Persohones Faullt Daphne is the way she is but RS needs to focus on other plot points I feel)

2. like, age gaps, height differences, and power imbalances dont always have to be bad, the issue to me is that the way rachel does it is hyper-focusing on how young, small, and child-like/unexperienced persephone is compared to the old, giant, and all powerful/mature hades is like ... yeah obvs people are going to find it creepy? how would they not?

3. i honestly cant stand the "theyre immortal gods the age gap doesnt matter!!" agreement because like??? ok??? then she could easily be 300 years old then? she shouldnt be so borderline underage then?? like the immortality aspect actually makes the age gap worse, not better??

4. i realize getting nitpicky over unimportant characters in lo having american names is a bit dumb, but it does speak to just how lazy rachel is and how little care she has for greece and its mythology. there are countless english names that are also greek, yet even that's asking too much of her. percy jackson isnt a perfect series, but even the characters (who are in america) have greek influence and meanings put into their names and characterization, something rachel doesn't even attempt to do.

5. ok but thats a good point, because rachel seems to be taking physical wounds to matter more over the mental ones, when thats not how trauma works. her writing on zeus is reflective of her writing minthe, where she confirmed she has a severe untreated mental illness and that's linked to her evilness, and thus what she should be punished for. meanwhile persephone own mental issues can be bastardized as a "yass queen" thing?? somehow?? its just bad writing all around.

6. i kinda wish lo fans would listen to their own logic and give the same leeway to the other characters. theyll scream from the rooftops that hades and persephone and hera can be awful people all they want because thats ~realistic~, meanwhile minthe and zeus and everyone else are held to such extremes they can never meet and are hated and despised for nothing in compared to hxp or hera. either hold your faves accountable or let off on hating characters who do the same as them.

7. i see a lot of lo fans excuse how everything drags as "thats how a slow burn works" and its like ... no? because most of that slow burn isnt even hxp, its rachel forcing in more plots we dont need, and when its hxp, you look at the timeline and how they act and its actually neck-breakingly fast? like if as much time had past in LO as irl time then yeah, four years is a slow burn, but its only been maybe a month in comic? so its not slow for them at all, but it's a drag for the readers.

8. See, the difference between Lo!Hades and Punderworld!Hades is that PW!Hades has so much personality, he and Persephone are literally bustling with life (even though one of them rules over a realm of dead XD) AND their interactions are so cute with their awkward attempts at flirting and failure at doing so. Persephone is still somewhat sweet and “pure” but she’s also a bit of a spitfire, she’s not easy to surrender, she has wants and dreams and that little differences makes her character likable!

We NEVER get to see anything like that with LO!Hades and Persephone, we don’t see them have these sweet interactions, these heart-fluttering moments, because there’s no base or foundation for those sorts of moments! It’s always these very out-of-character unrealistic scenes expected from a married couple, but they just met! It doesn’t feel natural, it feels forced and rushed and so slow at the same time.

Although Punderworld makes Demeter overbearing, i love her characterization i really do, waAAAY more than LO!Demeter, because we actually understand her reasons for her overprotective behavior and we get to see her in a more sympathetic light/manner in the newer chapters, we see her as more than “mean mom hates bf”

9. Daphne and Thanatos were adorable. Like, Daphne was a sweet, caring girl with genuine interest (and power/agency) and Thanatos was a shy, awkward guy who was just doing his best (and not pressuring her). They weren't perfect, but it was something! Why couldn't LO be about them?

10. What I find funny is that Minthe and Thetis have a more defined friendship than Persphone and other female characters.

Minthe and Thetis ARE TOXIC don’t get me wrong but both characters are aware of each other’s motives. Minthe knows not to trust Thetis fully and is straight with her on her opinion of Thetis. But the readers clearly know their relationship as well as the characters.

Persphone is in gray areas with most her female friends. The beginning of the story we are lead to believe Artemis and P are besties with the dress sharing and the way in P’s mind they’re holding hands with Hermès. But clearly now their relationship is a question mark and they’re both more detached than we thought. Artemis was just being nice to P letting her stay with her because they’re both in the TOGeM but they’re probably more like acquaintes at best.

Daphne and P we know they’re friends but P isn’t straight with her. Like Daphne is P’s only named friend, but did P think of her as the other overbearing nymphs? We don’t know because they’re all pink and some of them are dead. Despite being told they grew up together we don’t even know much about their relationship what do they like about each other? Does Daphne agree with Demeters parenting or P’s need to leave? When did Daphne get to move to Olympus? I feel like the plot just says “these two characters are friends “ but doesn’t elaborate much. Why did P let Daphne in her room at Hades mansion and not the other nymphs? P told Daphne that Apollo is dangerous, but it was a little too late. Also why didn’t P have her phone number when she got to Olympus? Wouldn’t she know to contact her on insta or something? P was like “omg I know no one except Hermès “ but that’s not true! Daphne! I could go more but I think we get the picture that Daphne’s plot point is having the readers be told Persphone has friends but she doesn’t but she does.

Were shown that P and Meg are getting along because P was nice to Meg, despite Meg being silently jealous of P, but what about Meg now? Is she ever gonna tell P that she’s jealous of P that she had a mad crush on Hades, even her journal? Or is that all gone now? Does Meg even matter any more or is she now here just to support HXP?

[kuekyuuq]

Gloria, Jet-lags and Imps [6x11]

Let’s jump right in:

Kinda love how Kara lamp-shaded addressed the fact she didn't tell the gang about her adventures in the PZ. She’s not wrong, tho.

...what do I want to say about Mxy using what's basically a well-known gay-anthem to tell his tale? I mean, it didn’t lead anywhere. The original song is about freeing oneself, liberation, stepping out of a (gone bad) relationship and moving on, stronger for it - empowerment. The only connection I could make, is that originally it was Nyxly’s aim to just do that (freeing herself and her kind from an oppressor), but in the way Mxy performed it, that part of the parallel was long over before he even reached the chorus. It’s also a popular Karaoke song, tho, so... he chose it because it’s catchy? I’ll try not to overthink it for now. At least, the Superfriend’s reactions were fun.

Nia exiting the elevator, "And what's this Old Stone?" I love it when ppl enter a room / situation and pick up on words that they couldn't have possibly heard. I think cinema sins ding such... Are we to assume, she dreamed Mxy's rendition of ‘I will survive’? Or is the elevator not sound-proof at all? (If it’s the latter, Nia later apparently telling Brainy “in private” between scenes / during the elevator ride about her Nyxly adventures, was a silly thing to do.)

So, "Jared" created the ring Old Stone to rule them all, it got shattered into the Paragons totems? Nyxly needs the totems and to get them she needs a crystal which also belonged to "Jared" - who happens to be Mxy's ancestor, which is why she needs Mxy / his blood, too.

I have one important and incredibly relevant question here, tho... 

With the introduced imps and their names... Why’s dude named Jared of all things?!

Really, did I mishear that? If so, I’ll leave it as is and never edit, bc that would be hilarious in its own right 😋

...

Not sure what to make about Supergirl paraphrasing a Dirty Dancing quote.  "Nobody puts Mxy into a power crystal on my watch."  ...is he Baby now? (Seriously, though: Which of the writers thought that was a fitting quote to use in that particular context?)

...now, is the exposition section of the episode over yet?

Sensitive Brainy sensed something was up with Nia. He can relate... Nia doubting Kara would understand, too, is ridiculous. But I get it... insecurities and all. But, I mean, just 5 minutes later Kara announces she wants to save Nyxly despite her wrongdoings. And yet Nia still remains convinced, Kara wouldn’t forgive her own personal mini-me... After having witnessed Kara forgiving Lena for a whole season of the writers being stupid messing up to the nth degree. But I digress, Lena’s Lena.

...how old is Nia meant to be again? Just asking out of completely unrelated curiosity.

F*ck. They really went with NewFoundland...

Imma assume it was an executive choice after realizing they couldn’t find enough actors and actresses with a convincing Irish accent... maybe. Again, no offense to Newfoundland! Just... we got the insinuations of Ireland, not Newfoundland... And truthfully, when I think of magic, Ireland is an easy association. Whereas I only due to this whole debacle learned Newfoundland has Irish ancestry. So, okay, the show forced me to learn something new... I give ‘em that.

An easy journey, she said.

Lena's been off-screen for two whole episodes, Kara announcing at the beginning of ‘Dreamweaver’ [6x09] Lena being “back east” (at least insinuating Lena’s left the west-coast already), which span over at least one full day (feat. a scene at night), and ‘I still rise’ [6x10] at least another a whole day (the whole Nia’s mom back for a day deal). And, now, after at least 48 hours she barely just arrived.

Lemme check how long a regular plane would need to fly from California to NFL......... ... .. .. So... approx. 10 hours with at least one layover. 

Yeah, using a private jet made it easier, but apparently also much, much slower...

Or, Lena randomly went some other places / did some sight-seeing in NFL before she decided to finally visit her mother’s hometown...  [Either that or the timelines don’t match up and Lena’s scenes are flashbacks of sorts.]

Optimistic and relaxed Lena is a sight to behold. I rewound 3 times, just to enjoy it for as long as possible. We all knew it was going to be short-lived... 

Let’s check off a few more items...

OMG, Kara hiding behind Alex at the mere sight of the PZ-projector broke my heart!  😢

"Elisabeth Walsh" is the new 'the one you shall not name'. ...poor Lena. 😭

Oh, so Mxy wants to be Patrick Swayze instead of Baby... gotcha.

...is this going anywhere?

KITTY!!! Okay, this must be the best opponent in the history of CWSG. 

Despite the horrible CGI, SG using her heat-vision to project a laser-beam to distract the cat had me in (happy-) tears! 🤣

Gotta love the civilians of National City quickly returning to business as usual once the giant cat is gone. Even the police officers looked rather chill...

Nyxly did look fabulous this episode ^^ 

Andrea being Lena's rock is both great and annoying. I can't fault Andrea. It's just, that we still have to see an on-screen interaction between Lena and Kara and that bugs the heck out of me. I can’t help it. I’m sorry, Andrea.

Nia: "...is my fault." Kara: "Nu, is MY fault!" J'onn: "Stop fighting, kids!" Space-dad has spoken.

Mxy used an LuthorCorp copy machine... and of cos it's faulty. It's not an L-Corp product.

Kara forgiving Nia came as a surprise to her... Oooookay. I mean, the show has been writing Kara a bit inconsistently the past two seasons... so, yeah, maybe being unsure which of her traits apply this week was not such a far stretch...

Maybe it's the hair, but I wished, Florence was played by Alex Kingston.

So, not-Alex-Kingston shows Lena herself with a funny wig and tells her how her mother was still watching her...

If it wasn't for Katie's acting skills (I love her.) I would have already hit my head against the wall repeatedly. Something about these scenes had me constantly cringe and I made it through 5.5 seasons of this show already... Can’t quite put my finger on it, but it was highly distracting from the story that explained Lena’s mom was special even to another witch, where there was domestic abuse, and an accidental murder. Y’know, important stuff, deep-cutting stuff! 

At least, poor widddle Lena got some closure there. Elisabeth was a good cookie. And filled with magic. And Lena’s gotta have that ‘spark’, too... 

....so... Lena’s gonna stay in NFL for how much longer, to train becoming a witch?  Please, just hand her a how-to manual and send her back home, to figure it out on her own, please... (Yes, that would be horrible decision-making, but I need her back with the team!)

On to the finish line: 

So... Mxy IS Nyxly's brother? Wait, that doesn’t sound right... then Nyxly would have the same blood... Did I miss something? Can someone explain, please? Or is he her ex, and that’s where his rendition of “I will survive” makes sense?

Hnn... I can't help, but think Kara's speech for Nyxly was 85% based on her experiences with Lena in s05.

Awww... he said "stronger together"... Mxy... I hope, you'll be okay!

Lena believes in magic now. And I absolutely love how Lena wants to science magic XD

...but apparently magic isn’t science that hasn’t been explained yet, but parallel... powers? concepts? ether strings?

Nyxly has a loyal henchman now. Which was a bit heavy-handed. Took way too much of screen-time, so it better leads to something interesting.

And Kara is on a warpath now. Wooooot! Girl’s got enough.

...what else? 

Did I miss a third Patrick Swayze hint / quote / mention?  I learned, these things come in threes... Y’know, basic writing rules... 

I guess, for once the episode title was meant to be taken literally, Mxy popping up between characters, to try and help. (I need in-show footage, of Mxy sneaking up on ppl, without his powers, on all fours / crouched, just to get the desired effect.) I mean, I’ve never really watched Malcom, but wasn’t he like what Mxy usually is? A bit of a trouble-maker, prankster, chaos-ensuing wherever he goes? ...well, in that case, the episode title didn’t hold up, as Mxy’s scenes were not fun or really goofy. Yes, there was some superficial humor, but just to serve Mxy dealing with not being able to use his powers, which in turn was only barely scratched at (although it turned out to be his final character development crisis, appreciating not having powers and - in turn - facing consequences for once). Again, a whole lot going on in the episode, so a lot of that may have ended up on the cutting-room floor.

...where’s Kelly? Secretly adopting a kid, maybe?

...Kara’s still a reporter, right? I mean, whenever it serves the immediate plot, yes? ...Not even a throw-away line, that she has to pop up at CatCo for appearances sake? Since Andrea is already upset with her AND looking into her friends’ identities? At least, Kara should take a peek to make sure Andrea hasn’t uncovered anything yet... No?

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. Kue out.

[deanwanddamons]

Rock SPN Flash Fan Fic Challenge Masterlist

Here is the Masterlist of all the wonderful stories I received for my Rock SPN Flash Fanfic Challenge between 2nd April 2021 and 18th April 2021.

Thank you to everyone who got involved ❤️ This challenge is now closed, but if there are any outstanding fics, please send them to me and I’ll add it on. I may re-open the challenge for another few weeks if there is anymore interest. 

The challenge was, send me a number via an ask between 1 and 200. I will then look at my favourite playlist on Spotify “Dean Winchesters Roadtrip Playlist” and tell you the song that matches that number.  You then write a fic of 500 words or less based on that song. Here are the results:  A Little Silly - @sofreddie - Summary: Y/N thinks Dean could use a little silly. He doesn't take it well, at first. Warnings: Recreational Marijuana Use, Fluff, Rockin'-TF-out! Song: Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne. Pairing: Dean, Reader, Sam (no pairing really). Word Count: 495

She’s Gone - @mckenziebyrd67​ - Summary: She's gone. Warnings: Angst, I guess a lil Fluff. Song: All Out of Love by Air Supply. Pairing: Dean x Reader. Word Count: 499

The Feelings Mutual - @wonder-cole​ - Summary: None. Warnings: Fluff. Rating E for Everyone // G for General Audiences. Song: American Pie by Don McLean. Pairings: Jensen Ackles x GN Reader. Word Count: 288

Mornin’ Sunshine - @tvdspngirl314​ - Summary: Dean's having a really bad hangover and his siblings aren't really helping him. Warnings: none I guess, just some crack, Dean being a sweet big bro at the end. Song: I Wanna Rock by Twisted Sister. Pairing: None. Word Count: 379

House of the Rising Sun - @whatareyousearchingfordean​ - Summary: None. Warnings: Angst. Song: House of the Rising Sun by The Animals. Pairing: Dean x Reader (Past). Word Count: 471

Driving By Your House - @dreaming-about-fanfictions​ - Summary: Dean visits a town where memories of you haunt him. (angst). Warnings: None. Song: The Boys Of Summer by Don Henley. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader. Word Count: 450

Rising Up - @flashxspn​ - Summary: On a hunt, Dean’s girlfriend gets him into trouble in an underground fight club. Warnings: 18+, Dean gets a little hurt, boxing match, fighting, the tiniest bit of smut in the end (couldn’t resist). Song: Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader. Word Count: 500

You Drive Me Wild - @ejlovespie​ - Summary: Pure kissing smut for the ‘Rock SPN Flash Fan Fic Challenge. Warnings: NSFW/Heavy Kissing/Grinding/Stripping/Dirty Talk?/Overall yummy foreplay. Song: Rock and Roll All Nite by Kiss. Pairing: Dean x reader. Word Count: 517

Go Your Own Way - @downanddirtydean​ - Summary: Dean can't let Y/N in, no matter how badly he wants to. Warnings: this is angst and nothing but angst. Song: Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader. Word Count: 500

Don’t Let It Show - @jawritter​ - Summary: She’s had enough of him, just like every other woman always seems to, and normally, he doesn’t care, but this time...this time it hurts. Warnings: Angst, Breakup, Unrequited feelings, Probably language. Song: Good Times, Bad Times by Led Zeppelin. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader. Word Count: 500

Confessions - @that-one-gay-girl​ - Summary: One night, laying down in a broken-down motel you can’t hold your feelings for Dean in anymore. Warnings: Fluff. Song: Every Rose Has It’s Thorn by Poison. Pairing: Dean x Reader. Word Count: 420

Get Away From Her - @x-mypeopleskillsarerusty-x​ - Summary: None. Warnings: Language, Angst, Some fluff? Song: Bad Moon Rising by Credence Clearwater Revival. Pairing: Dean x Reader. Word Count: 428

Don’t Fear The Reaper - @jawritter​ - Summary: They took him from her, her knight, her king, her Dean, “cured” him, and now she’s going to get him back, she’s going to set him free. Warnings: Major Character Death, (kinda), Fear, Injury, Kidnapping. Demons. The Mark Of Cain. Song: Don’t Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult. Pairing: Demon!Reader x MOC!Dean/Demon!Dean. Word Count: 518

The Way To His Heart Is Through Classic Rock - @fangirlextraordinaire​ - Summary: None. Warnings: Slightly suggestive. Song: Feel Like Makin’ Love by Bad Company. Pairing: Dean x Reader. Word Count: 359

No Music - @superbadassnatural​ - Summary: Sometimes music can be too distracting. Warnings: smut, 18+ only, fingering, p in v (be smart and wrap it before you tap it), funny bits maybe? Song: Rock and Roll All Nite by Kiss. Pairing: Dean x Reader. Word Count: 500

Life In The Fast Lane - @waywardbaby​ - Summary: Hot daydreaming, need for action. Warnings: Here be smut. Not heavy or anything but we have clear description of said smut. Also, Impala sex, grinding and all around wishful thinking. Song: Life In The Fast Lane by The Eagles. Pairing: Dean x Reader ( written in third person ). Word Count: 500

Glory Days - @jensenswinchester​ - Summary: Dean’s feeling a little uncertain of what he’s supposed to do next now that he’s defeated, well, God. Warnings: This is about 6 months after the brothers defeated Chuck. I know the show timeline apparently says that’s when…you know…BUT NOT IN THIS STORY. There’s some nostalgia, but fluffy goodness too! Song: Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen. Word Count: 463

Livin’ On A Prayer (Snippet) - @holylulusworld​ - Summary: You and your bad boy try to find a way to live on more than a prayer. Warnings: angst, language, daddy!Dean (in the beginning), money problems, fluff, Dean is willing to do anything for his girl. Song: Livin’ On A Prayer by Bon Jovi. Pairing: AU!Dean x fem!Reader. Word Count: Unknown 

Dude Looks Like A Lady - @watermelonlipstick​ - Summary: The reader ribs Dean when he sticks his foot in his mouth. Warnings: fluff, swearing, jealousy. Song: Dude Looks Like A Lady. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader. Word Count: 500

Brimstone - @thoughtslikeaminefield​ - Summary: He’s exactly what she wants. Warnings: explicit, surprise bitch. Song: Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benetar. Pairing: Dean Winchester x female reader/female character. Word Count: 450

Mr I Love Rock N Roll - @superbadassnatural​ - Summary: Y/N meets a mysterious guy at one of her friend’s party. Warnings: underage drinking, terrible flirting. Song: I Love Rock N Roll by Joan Jett. Pairing: teen!Dean x Reader. Word Count: 500

Heat Of The Moment - @jensengirl83​ - Summary: Dean and the reader have a drunken night together. What will Dean do when he wakes the next morning to realize what he has done? Warnings: A little angst. Song: Heat Of The Moment by Asia. Pairing: Dean x female!reader. Word Count: 500

Shook Me All Night Long - @vickyfarley​ - Summary: You show Dean how you can "shake him all night long.” Warnings: Implied Smut. Song: Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC. Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader. Word Count: 452

Plenty of reading for you guys ❤️

[iamanartichoke]

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers] 

I know I have missed a lot of people’s takes and reactions, there’s just - there’s so many. So I’m sorry if I’m inadvertantly repeating anyone or whatnot when I proceed to make my own posts. 

Cut for length and spoilers.

Which is a segue into - I feel legitimately concerned, based on how many people are reading the TVA as being the moral authority and/or being on Loki’s side, and Mobius Dick’s interrogation being therapeutic for Loki (and how gross that is), along with an emphasis on ooc-ness for Loki and just overall cracks and fractures in the (what I thought was a) more or less solid episode - 

I feel legitimately concerned that I may have wildly misinterpreted, like, everything, up to and including Loki’s characterization. And it’s actually kind of hilarious bc like - 

Me: All opinions and interpretations are valid! No worries! Also I’m open-minded! Also I have no issue admitting I’m wrong! 

Also me: *feels physically ill at the idea that my interpretation is so very wrong* 

I’m not even lying, guys, my stomach is in knots. And I guess it’s because, like - I thought that it was pretty straightforward that the TVA are the antagonists here?? That Mobius isn’t Loki’s friend - he’s Loki’s interrogator and handler bc he needs Loki for his own purposes. That the “single sacred timeline” is not only nonsensical but also kinda fucked up (as Loki rightfully points out). 

Like I’m watching these scenes and it doesn’t even occur to me to take the TVA’s word as the correct one here. Why would I? I’m taking Loki’s word as the correct one - Loki, the one who’s calling out everything that is stupid and ridiculous about the concept of the Timekeepers and the TVA, the one who is being scape-goated and is aware of it. 

To touch on the ooc-ness of Loki - I mean, the first half of the episode was cringey and ooc, yeah; Loki was too over-the-top and the “comedic” tone didn’t quite land (I’m honestly wondering if Tom’s just not good at comedy? I mean, Betrayal was a genuinely funny play (and heartwrenching) but besides that, I can’t think of anything really comedic that he’s done.) but I’m willing to overlook that because when we got into the second half of the episode, he began to feel much more like the Loki I love.  

Historically, Loki has consistently been the one to see the truth for what it really is and either saying or doing something about it. He actively tries to delay Thor’s coronation because he recognizes, when no one else does, that Thor is not ready to be king. He knows that Odin isn’t as righteous and wise as he pretends to be (and, in fact, he knows that Odin is guilty of more than Loki could ever be, and he calls that out too). He sees SHIELD as the farce it is (and possibly knows Hydra has infiltrated it; I headcanon that he knew but just didn’t care bc why would he?), and he sees Earth and the humans in a much more accurate light than Thor could hope to. You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers; the humans slaughter each other in droves while you idly fret. Etc. Here, it’s the clowns are playing their parts to perfection (that’s the only quote I can remember right now). 

And I mean, yeah, the narrative has never acknowledged that Loki is right about everything. It’s a huge source of frustration for me bc the narrative continues to be so black-and-white about heroes and villains and, being villain-coded, Loki doesn’t get to be validated no matter how right he is. 

But I don’t think that’s the case here. I think, as the protagonist, his word holds a bit more weight. It should, at least, and I personally didn’t see anything that made me think that we shouldn’t consider Loki the authoritative voice in all of this. Loki, not the TVA. 

Mobius’s interrogation? Was very clearly cruel and fucked up, to me. The sham of a fake ass trial that Loki had to endure, with the implication being that no one who stands trial is actually getting a fair trial bc the TVA has no intention of judging anyone not guilty? Fucked up, with horrifying implications. The process of deleting people from existence being literally as detached and soulless as a trip to the DMV (complete with tickets!)? Very disturbing. Like, none of these things are the traits that I would look at and say, hmm, yeah, these guys seem legit and totally correct about everything, too bad for Loki. 

And Loki’s reactions to Mobius - his frustration, his defiance, and his eventual emotional breakdown (which we only saw when Loki was completely alone) all felt accurate to me. Again, there were a lot of over the top aspects of Tom’s performance here but I think what makes me more willing to overlook them is that, in general, we’re getting a more animated Loki than we’ve gotten to see him before, in a way that feels true to him as opposed to whatever was going on with him in Ragnarok. 

He’s not in the middle of a mental breakdown/identity crisis. He’s not being mind-controlled anymore (or influenced). He’s not being villain-coded while Thor is propped up as the hero and the ideal which, to me, means that we are actually getting to see Loki’s personality when all of that is taken away and the only thing he’s got left is himself. It’s a really shitty situation and I hate that he’s in it, but after the initial exaggerated reactions, his response to it worked for me. 

So - yeah. And now I’m like, biting my nails and my stomach is in knots bc I thought I knew Loki and I had a comfortable idea of Loki, and I thought I was more or less decent at interpreting things - but, so, clearly there were things happening and being picked up on that just whooshed right over my head bc it never occurred to me to be on the lookout for them in the first place. Does that make sense? I don’t even know what I’m saying. 

Just - I am really, really doubting my own perception of what this series is attempting to do with Loki and it does not feel good at all. So I guess ultimately I am not capable of putting my money where my mouth is and treating all interpretations as valid, when it comes to myself. (I didn’t realize I was that far up my own ass so as to speak confidently about validity while telling myself that my idea is pretty correct.) Soo there we are. 

Idk if I even want to post this but it’s time for me to clock out now so, for better or for worse, *hits post button*