#it's just you know over 15km a day does that

[tenrose]

Nobody told me after 30, the thing that would betray me when walking a lot would be my knees 😫

[forabetterlifethanthis]

Flash Finale

Hell. Hell in a body. Hell in a head. That’s what this flashing does to me. It makes my life into hell.  But why?  Why am I so very much desiccated by it?  Why do I let it dictate my mood and make me want to do anything just to find an escape from it?  The truth is, the more I resist, the more it constricts me.  Like Devil’s Snare (if you get the reference). The harder I kick out at it; the harder it kicks back.  The more attention I give it, the more it drags me down into the marsh of anxiety and helplessness.  The obvious solution would be not to give it the attention that translates into suffering.  And not treat it as a malicious demon in my head and for what it is, and that is simply my body not functioning as it should.  .  I would say that it would be more doable if it remained at a constant level.  But some days it is so much worse than others, and this makes it very hard to preclude as I will be thinking it’s getting better and then it suddenly is screaming at my poor head.  That’s the best way that I can describe it. It’s as if the brain is receiving emergency signals from the eye saying that there is something wrong. Do something about it.  Every flash is stimulation to the brain.  I would equate it to a stabbing pain everyone must have had at some point in their lives.  It is that stabbing pain that makes you switch your attention to what is causing those nasty pain signals to be fired up to the brain. 

It’s the invasive and unescapable nature of it that makes the flashing so hard to deal with.  When I close my eyes.  It’s still there.  When I put my hands over my eyes and scream. It’s still there.   Even when doing meditation to take myself out of the mind, it is there, flashing away. 

Here I am how ever many days later. It’s funny how I spoke about accepting and coming to terms with it, and then breaking down and going to A&E. It did give me some much needed assuring.  A diagnosis, or an  explanation, always help. I was scared that it would be this bad interminably and that it was a sign that the surgery had failed. I had many doctors look and scans done, and they think it is being caused by blood leftover from the surgery rubbing against the already highly-sensitive retina.  And thankfully they said that this should clear by itself and slowly get better. 

The relief was akin to a shot of heroine.  Not that I’ve ever known relief. I Mean taken heroine. Unfortunately. But just knowing it it’s anything inauspicious and that it is going in the right direction does make things a little easier.  Just a little.   They also affirmed to me that I can’t do any exercise while I have the bubble in, except walking.  That’s for another eight weeks.  Combine that with medication that makes me hungrier than a cow in Slough, fat Freddie is only getting bigger.  I ran 15km in January. How the great do fall.  Time is a shit.      

[toakley]

The Brighton Half Marathon 2023

Today I ran the Brighton Half Marathon. For some people that is a big achievement, for others it’s no big deal. For me it’s probably somewhere halfway between.

Training

I’ve run two proper half marathons before, and I did something new with this one. I actually had a training plan. I set off on the 1st January and ran 15km but in addition to this I did tempo runs, interval runs, recovery runs. It was going great and I was happy I was in great shape to run.

I just want to take a moment to shout out the Nike Run Club app. It actually made me enjoy the whole process. Sure, it tracks your runs and gives you a plan but the bit that I looked forward to was the coaching, especially from Chris Bennett who managed to be motivating without being too over the top. Best of all the app is free, no subscription.

I learned so many things, not all of which were about running.

Measuring goals in as many ways as possible to give you as many chances to recognise success

Knowing that the bad days, and the runs that suck actually help you in the long run

Being patient: we’re often in a hurry to get to places quickly but running slowing down isn’t being slow, it’s being smart.

When it doesn’t go to plan…

So far things have been peachy, but that doesn’t make for a good story does it? About 3 weeks to go and I started to feel a niggle. That’s okay right? It’s just a niggle. A bit of discomfort in my right calf. I ran through it over the next 2-3 days but it wasn’t getting better.

I went to get a sports massage thinking that would fix me and the person I saw was also trained as a physio. Uh oh. He confirmed what I was most worried about and that it was a strain. A strain is where the fibres of your muscle have torn. They can be of different severity; if the fibres are completely torn that’s the worst, thankfully mine was apparently mild. I’d convinced myself it wasn’t a sprain as I hadn’t lost power but it was just uncomfortable.

Long story short the physio suggested no running for 3-5 days and then slowly build up. But what about the plan? It’s okay, I rationalised: I would be tapering off anyways as I get closer to the run, right? So I was good and didn’t run for a week, then managed to get a cold and went for a first run again to test the water.

It was bad. I couldn’t breathe but worse, after just a kilometre things felt worse then they had before my break. I wasn’t sure if I was even going to be able to run the distance anymore. I did a few more runs in the week leading up and the most I managed was 5km. If I can do a quarter of the distance I can just do that three and a bit more times and run 21.1km. Right?

Race Day

It got to the day before and I actually felt alright. I made the decision to go for it. After all, I’d done the training, and even spent the past week drinking beetroot juice chasing marginal theoretical gains. The thing about beetroot juice is it tastes awful and has to come out the other end making everything a delightful shade of reddy-pink. It’s just not worth it, but I digress.

All I wanted to do was finish the race. I’d previously wanted to do sub-2 hours but that was out the window now. I made my way to my starting pen, feeling like I’d made a mistake saying I could do the distance in 1:45-1:59 but I was stuck here now, feeling like a fraud. I popped my earbuds in and hit play on the guided run, the first thing Chris does is tell me that even making it to the starting line is a brave decision and I’m that moment I realised that I was proud for even making it here today. Even if I didn’t finish, that work wasn’t wasted as I learned so much along the way. I’d even ‘run’ with Eliud Kipchoge, remembering how the world record holder for the marathon had told me that ‘No human is limited’ and just to enjoy running .

The Race

So you want to know, right? How did it go? I started by running fast, too fast I thought. I need to slow down, I can’t keep this up. Every time I checked my watch though the pace was the same; 5 minute kilometres. Maybe my watch was broken? It doesn’t matter, don’t look at the watch. I felt good, sure I didn’t feel perfect but being with the crowd, the other runners, it’s an indescribable feeling and before I knew it half the race had gone! I finished the race with a new personal best. I then had to walk what felt like almost another half marathon just to find my family who had got delayed and didn’t see me finish as it was quicker than we all thought I would be.

So what’s the lesson?

My family now no longer believe I was injured in the first place, but the thing I want to remember from this is not that I finished the run but how worthwhile the process was to get there. Training is not always about the destination but about the journey you have to get to your destination.

[ageoldamateur]

7/unknown Vore stories

Ever wanted a tiny person to help you out and be a mental support? Well, this was my attempt with this prompt!

Voretober 23: Trip “Justin, are you sure about this? I know you wanted to join me for my run, but I don’t know how secure you will be…” “I’m sure about this!” Justin reassured her, standing as tall as he could on her table. “It’s been forever since I’ve been outside, I need the fresh air as much as you do.” “Alright then, if you insist.” Stacy said, reaching for Justin. Picking him up easily, she tucked him into a special neck-pocket she had sewn for him. Tossing her hair back, she looped the string around her neck, which let Justin resting just above her small chest. “Okay, are you ready?” She asked, looking down at Justin. He gave her a thumbs up. “Alright, let’s go.” She opened the door and stepped out into the hot summer day. With a click, Stacy locked the door behind her and put one of her headphones into her ear. The other one went beside Justin so that he could also hear. She turned on “Songs to Run a Mile to” on shuffle and began to jog. Stacy had found Justin skulking around her house a few months ago, trying to climb out of one of her salad bowls he had trapped himself in. He confirmed that he was a Borrower, a person who lived in the walls and only stole what he needed from her. Justin begged for Stacy to spare him, which she did without a second thought. Justin became somewhat like her roommate, though he didn’t do a whole lot to contribute to the house. More like a… pet, yet Stacy refused to call him that. He was there as comfort and an ear to listen, a person who she could snuggle with when she got panic attacks. Justin knew what he had signed up for and accepted his role without struggle, he had even said that it helped him as well as certain moments. Stacy had hesitated to bring Justin on her run or in any public places, the fear of losing him or dropping him was much greater than the loss of a simple trinket. She would lose a trusted friend and feel the burden of responsibility for the rest of her life. But she had specially made this pocket for him to reside in, so she believed that it would be safe enough for him. Justin bounced in his harness, bobbing his head to the music as well. It had been over a year since he had ventured outside and he had missed the feeling. Being only 8cm tall meant that there was almost nowhere for him to be safe, which meant that he couldn’t take any risks, no matter how small humans thought they were. Hell, even being in his home-made harness (that felt really comfortable and snug, he needed to thank Stacy for making it for him), he still ran the risk of being seen, crushed, or any number of problems that could be catastrophic at his size. But, he trusted in Stacy, just as she confided in him. He knew that she wouldn’t hurt him and knew that she would do everything within her power to keep him safe. So, he enjoyed the rhythmic motions and the time he was able to spend with Stacy. Stacy got lost in the motions, running through her standard routine through the city park of 15kms. She could complete it in about 1 ½ hours if she didn’t stop for breaks, which depended on if she saw some snacks getting sold on her path. She could get distracted easily, especially when she does her jog before dinner to work up an appetite. “Hey Justin, how are you hanging in there?” Stacy asked, pausing the music with a tap on her earbud and raising a hand to stabilize Justin. With her hand around his body, he looked up at her, the angle giving him quite the view of her mouth, causing his heart to jump. “Pretty good, but I am not really comfortable looking at your mouth at this angle, if I’m to be honest.” Stacy quickly lifted Justin off of her chest and away from her face. “Sorry, I keep forgetting your perspective. Mouths scare you.” “Yeah…” Justin said Thankfully, Stacy was understanding enough to not try and convince him otherwise, but gave him a soft squeeze with her fingers that was her form of a simple hug. She was just about to place Justin back where he was when something caught her eye. “Bacon battered corn dogs are back!

Get them here, just for the summer!” A large sign hung on a food truck, which had gathered a small line. “HUH!? Justin!!” Stacy’s eyes lit up and Justin twisted around to see what she was looking at. “I’ve got to try them! I missed them last year!” She tore across the hilly glass, Justin still held in front of her. “Stacy? Stacy, slow down!” Justin said, clutching to her finger. “You’re going to tri-” Stacy’s ankle rolled as she miss-stepped on a hill. Stacy flailed, falling forward and bringing her hands forward to try and catch herself. She tumbled, rolling a few times before landing on her back. Stacy coughed and gagged, pulling at Justin’s harness. She succeeded at pulling Justin out of her mouth and swallowed, choking back the urge to vomit. She had a very strong gag reflex and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to swallow Justin even if he asked her to. “<Cough cough>, sorry Justin, <Cough> I should have <cough> listened to you.” Stacy said, looking around to see if anyone noticed her tumble. There were a few, but with a wave of her hand they saw she was well and went on their way. “That was really close, I almost swallowed you,” Stacy said, looking down at Justin. But instead of her friend, all that was in her hand was a wet harness. She stared blankly at it, a cold hand coming over her heart. Deep within her, she could feel Justin move around in her stomach, frantic energy transferring to her increasing panic. Stacy stood up and ran, blindly and desperately towards the park's restroom. Her panic was growing, but she tried to stay focused. Pushing past a girl that was leaving the restroom and earning a curse sent her way. Crashing into a stall, she didn’t even lock it before sticking her fingers into the back of her throat. She gagged, pushing them further in in order to throw up. Her panic attack was in full force now, causing her to hyperventilate and preventing her from emptying her stomach. She fit her entire hand into her mouth, fingers clawing in her throat as she finally got herself to vomit. Keeping a hand over the toilet, she strained out Justin from among her stomach contents. Both of them heaved, Justin gasping fresh air again and Stacy throwing up again in the toilet. They stayed like that for a moment, just collecting their bearings. Stacy crawled over to the wall of the stall and leaned against it, clutching Justin to her chest. They stayed like this for a few minutes as Stacy’s panic attack subsided. Once she got her breathing under control, she began to mutter: “I’msorryi’msorryi’msorryi’msorryi’msorryi’msorry…” She said, over and over again, softly so that only Justin could hear her. Justin clung to Stacy, the terror of the event slowly subsiding as he felt her soft skin. The intimate moment ended when someone kicked open the stall, growling at Stacy to move. Stacy left, exciting the restroom and heading straight home, slowly and carefully picking her way through the park. She unlocked her door and slammed it shut behind her, collapsing again on the floor, back pressing against the door. “I’m sorry…” Stacy said again, tears streaming down her face as she clutched Justin against her chest. She could feel him move against her grip, hugging her back. “How did that happen? How could I have done that?” “It was an accident, Stacy. An accident.” Justin said, his voice muffled against her skin. She pulled him away just a little, looking down with wet eyes. “It was an accident, Stacy. I know you were not malicious with it.” “But what if you were hurt?! What if you died?! So many things could have gone wrong!” Stacy said, her voice growing more panicked and she pulled Justin back to her chest. “I could have killed you with that stupid stunt! All because I was f**king distracted and wasn’t thinking and I really am retarded and stupid and I should have listened to my parents when they said I would never- “OW!” Stacy yelped, snapping back to reality as Justin bit her. She looked down at him, realizing that she was spirling and took a steadying

breath. “I’m sorry, thank you, Justin.” She said, standing up and heading towards the kitchen. “I don’t know what I would do without you.” “I’m sure a proper service pet would be able to fill in most of what I do,” Justin said, letting himself be set onto the counter and watching Stacy taking out left-overs from the fridge. “But I’m glad that I can be of help to you. My life was mostly just existence until you found me, you gave me a purpose.” “Awe, you’re so cute,” Stacy said, patting his head with a finger. Pulling it back, she frowned. “I think you need a shower before dinner, let me help you with that.” She picked up Justin again and carried him towards the bathroom. Dinner could wait a few more minutes while they cared for each other.

[purplesurveys]

930

A Survey About Modes of Transporation! Created by Guia from @scyphozoansurveys

⭐︎ CARS

What kind of car do you have, if you do? What kind of car would you like if money wasn't an issue? For most days I drive a hatchback Mitsubishi Mirage but on my coding day, I use my parents’ Suzuki Vitara. My dream car isn’t far off from a Mirage haha, I just want a Mini Clubman or Countryman.

When did you learn how to drive? What was the hardest part of it for you? I took driving lessons right after graduating high school. I had to learn how to drive myself for college, since no one else was gonna be able to drive me, and I’m not willing to take part in the outdated, neglected-enough public transport here anyway. The hardest part wasn’t even anything to do with controlling the car...it’s drivers who bully or take advantage of you once they can tell you’re a new driver.

Do you know how to drive manually? Do you prefer automatic or manual, and why? No. I prefer automatic, because it’s easier and I don’t have the patience or enough interest to learn the more complicated way to drive when the easier option already exists lol

When do you prefer to be the driver or the passenger? I only prefer to be a passenger if I’m in the car with family. Otherwise I can really go either way. I like driving my friends, but I also feel super pampered when one of them drives instead hahaha.

What is the worst traffic you've ever experienced while driving? driving in Manila was a nightmare. I remember one December evening when it took me like 2 hours to reach a destination that was only 15km away. WTF < omg I’m so stoked to see another Filipino survey-maker/taker on this website loooool hi and welcome, @scyphozoansurveys! But yeah I can relate to this exact answer - my worst driving experience was December last year, when it took around 2.5 hours to complete a 26 km route. It was a bit understandable because it was Christmas rush and all, but tbh no one has to go through that agony, period.

⭐︎ TRAINS

How often do you take the train? I’ve taken a train all of one time. I don’t trust the public transport system here, but especially the trains. They break down all the time and it’s common to hear of passengers being forced to walk – on the railroad – from one station to another because the train they were on suddenly stopped working.

How much does it cost where you live? I have no idea. If I remember correctly, I had to pay ₱25 for my one train ride from QC to Manila. I could always be wrong, though; I was barely paying attention that day and was mostly wary because it was my first trip on a train.

What are your biggest pet peeves about riding the train? I rode during an off-peak hour so my experience was more pleasant than what I’d normally hear about. But based on what I see on the news and social media, it’s how crowded, inadequate, and poorly-ventilated our trains are. Also, muggers and creepy harassers.

What is something about the trains from where you live that you wish was different? I wish the government invested in it more. Just because most of our politicians ride fancy Cadillacs and use their hazard lights to skip out on traffic really shouldn’t mean that they should ignore the plight that millions of commuters have to go through every day.

Do you think men should give up their seats to ladies? In what instances do you think someone should offer their seat to others? If someone is pregnant, is elderly, is physically disabled in a way that they shouldn’t be standing up for a prolonged amount of time, or if someone is carrying a heavy load. Men shouldn’t necessarily give up their seats to women, and I rolllllllll my eyes at women who have a breakdown over not being given a seat.

⭐︎ BUSES

How often do you take the bus? Our bus system is also highly neglected so I don’t take them. We do have a more upscale bus system that launched a few years ago which has premium services, but since I drive all the time I’ve never had to take one of them.

Where do you usually sit on the bus? I would prefer sitting at the front so I can easily get off.

Has anything weird ever actually happened to you while on the bus? No. I’ve only ever ridden with friends and classmates. I don’t really feel good about the idea of riding buses alone with strangers, precisely because I’m afraid of any weird or creepy behavior from them.

Is there a route system and schedule for the buses where you live? If so, are you happy with how it works? I think so, but I don’t know much about it to have an opinion.

How do you pay for bus rides around where you live? The premium buses we have require some kind of card you have to avail of. The normal buses just take cash, I think.

⭐︎ PLANE

Do you remember the first time you've ever been on a plane? How about the last? Yeah. For my first plane ride, my dad warned me so much about my ears feeling weird once the plane takes off, so that was all I could think about and suffice it to say, I was a shaking, nervous wreck during my first plane ride. I was clinging on to him for like 1/3 of the ride lol. The most striking thing I remember about my last plane trip was that my entire family was so on edge when we landed because we were all hungry and tired. That was also the day my brother slapped me and was also the day I vowed never to speak a word to him again.

Have you ever been afraid of flying? How do/did you deal with it? I was afraid during my first plane ride, but I found the experience super pleasant and riding planes still excites me to this day.

Do you have any airline preferences? What was the worst flight you've ever been on? I never pay any attention to what airline my dad books honestly, so I don’t have a preference. I’ve never had any particular bad flying experiences, but I do remember the time we had to sit near this very noisy group of Koreans and they had raised voices for the whole flight :( I know it’s a culture thing that they speak a bit louder so I understood, but it was still quite distracting.

Have you ever flown first class? If not, would you like to try it? No, and yes as long as it was free.

Which seat do you usually prefer? Window seat.

⭐︎ SHIP

Have you ever been on a ship? Where were you headed to? Yessss. The cruise started in Shanghai, but we went to Fukuoka and Jeju-do before coming back.

Which scares you more: being on a plane or a ship? Plane crashes look and sound horrifying. As much as I like plane rides, a part of me at the back of my mind will always be a little scared of the possibility.

Would you ever want to be on a cruise trip? I’d love to go on another one, yeah. I feel like I didn’t make the most of the one and only cruise trip I had, sigh.

Have you ever been sea sick? Yeah. The second day of the cruise trip was met with bad weather and huge waves...people were making hurling noises all over. I hate the feeling of vomiting so I was able to keep it down, but even my mom had to throw up and overall it was just a nasty couple of hours. Luckily, since my dad works in the ship, we were able to stay inside his cabin which was in the lower levels and thus the least likely to be affected by the waves.

I can't think of any more questions for this category, so I'll just ask you: what is your favorite mode of transportation? I’m perfectly happy with cars.

[kimlecourtcycling]

All African Continental Championships experience

Hi all.

 It’s been a long while… 

I will be talking about my experience at the All African Continental Championships which occurred just over 3 weeks now, and a little bit about what I was up to prior to this event. As most of you know my biggest goal of all time is to be qualified for the Olympic Games which is happening next year 2020 in Tokyo.

As I am part of a small country, I do not get the chance to qualify this easily. They are no races with UCI points in South Africa for the Women Elite. And we do not get enough “money” to be able to travel to the European UCI races. The only way to Qualify for the Olympic Games would be to get enough UCI points, or my only other option was to win the All African Continental Champs. That win could assure my qualification.

 So here it goes, I started preparing a while back I would even say probably over 1 year ago. As the preparation is not only physical but also mental. A lot goes into organizing your life, plans, races, training, rest times, holiday times, camps etc. I have had the most amazing racing year personally last year 2018, winning the Cape Town Cycle Tour and 4 other races following up directly from there, and multiple podiums. As from there, I was mentally ready and prepared for 2019 aimed at the finalization of qualifying for the Olympics. Super positive about it all, and super excited. 

 The 2018 year ended on the last race end of November which was 94.7. From there 2 days later I flew back home to Mauritius to spend some quality time with the family, get some proper rest, and start my base and prep for 2019. Spent quite a few hours on the Mountain Bike and did quite a bit of miles. Came back home end of December, and it was time to take the skinny wheels out for a training camp with Absolute Motion crew before the first race of the 2019 season - Fast One Classic.

 First few races went well for me, we unfortunately did not manage to get 1st place on all of them like last year, but for myself personally I was proud of stepping on the podium at every single race I did until now. Placing 2nd at Fast One, Ride 4 Sight and Cape Town Cycle Tour, 3rd at Berg en Dale my mental was so ready for the All African Continental Championships. I was so exited and so content about my form.

The AACC (All African Continental Champs) was meant to be held end of February sometime. Some issues apparently occurred back there in Ethiopia. Not so sure what the issues were, but this caused the AACC to be pushed till the end of March 2019. It was my very first time in Ethiopia. My first impressions I would say very poor country, very friendly and surprisingly clean. I obviously race for Mauritius when it comes to International and Continental races. We were only 2 riders representing Mauritius this year, myself and Aurelie Halbwachs. This was my 4th participation at the AACC. This event was the one I was prepared for and ready to achieve what I have always dreamed of – obtaining the Gold Medal for Mauritius.

 The profile of the race was PAN FLAT, kind of a (L) out and back circuit. Super easy no corners, no downhills and no dangerous parts or tricky parts. Basically, a perfect race for a sprinter. And the surface was super clean and smooth. Distance of the race was 105 kms. 

We had a “team meeting” obviously as we always do the night before the race to discuss tactics and what we individually expect or want from the race. We agreed that to qualify we would either need to win the race OR come second behind South Africa as they already qualified for the Olympics. So, obtaining a second place behind South Africa would have guaranteed our qualification. So that would mean, if a break gets formed with the 3 biggest countries in that break which would be South Africa, Ethiopia and Eritrea we could not let it go and we had to go with or close it down with no questions asked and no guessing. UNFORTUNATELY, we did NOT have a set leader, don’t ask me why… because I don’t even know why. In my opinion it would have been smarter to do so. Anyways, so that was it, to me it felt like I had no team there racing with me. I am used to having a team to support each other whatever the consequences are, whatever the race tactics are and whoever is the team leader on the day. It felt like we were (my teammate and I) racing for different countries. Personally, I was quite sad to be honest.

 Race day came along, I was super excited but also obviously a little nervous. The race started at 08:00 am, the weather was nice, not too cold not too warm. Ate breakfast in my room as when I got downstairs in the early morning hours nothing was out yet and nothing ready. Clothes on and we rode to the start with our bikes, which was about 3 kms so not that bad. On top of it we rode on the route of the race to the start. Race started and the pace was EXTREMELY slow, probably riding at 15km/h maybe even less! It was quite funny to be honest; everyone was just waiting for the first move to be made. Once the first move went the race had started and they were quite a bit of attacks from all over. All countries testing each other out, from this point I just had to stay safe towards the front and follow the moves. As we are only two women elite representing Mauritius, it would have been great if BOTH of us would have done same amount of work in terms of contributing to close gaps, go into breaks and pace in the front of the bunch. But I guess, this would be dreaming a bit hey. As per usual, I was the one doing most of the work between the two of us, I don’t usually get frustrated as I get used to it by this point going to these events with her. But as I wanted this as bad as she wanted it, it really made me boil.

 Anyways the race was just full of attacks from all over, and around the 30 kms into the race, so quite early in, I feel my back wheel bouncing a little. That is when I started stressing a bit, I knew I had a puncture. I never ever get punctures not even in training rides! And it had to be my luck to get a puncture on the most important race of the year for me. Put my hand up and stopped on the side of the road as fast as I could, tried to take my own back wheel off to make the change faster. Once I had the new wheel on, it was a 7kms chase back to the bunch riding at 48 km/h by myself. At first, I did not think I would have made it back, when I did, I was very thankful. From there they were good news and very bad news.  

 The good news was that I made it back safely. The bad news was that a break got formed when I punctured and crazy enough they had already 2mins gap from the bunch! I could not believe my luck at this point. I could not believe that as I punctured the girls attacked, obviously this was the only way for them to get rid of a sprinter on a flat route. I was extremely devastated. I then thought my team mate would be in the break as we had only 1 plan which was - not let the 3 biggest countries go ahead. I look around and there she was with us in the bunch! I do not understand. I will not understand, and I don’t think I ever will understand.

From there it was a chasing mission for me and Vera Adrian (Namibian rider). We agreed it would be our only chance to get a medal. So, we paced for about 70 kms. We asked the other riders from the countries that were not represented in the break to help us chase the front break back. Some of them would not even acknowledge us and some would but did only 50% of the pacing maybe even less. I even had to wave multiple times to my own team mate to come the front to help me out. It was honestly just a huge mess! Some people really cannot and don’t know how to race as a TEAM. Felt like Vera and Myself were teammates even though we were not. It was quite ridiculous.

 We ended up never closing the gap to the break away. They obviously ended up winning with Eritrea 1st, Ethiopia 2nd and South Africa 3rd. All our hopes for Olympics games were gone. We then came along as a little bunch sprint. Before heading into the sprint Carla Oberholzer came alongside me and asked if I would like her to help to get 4th place. Carla is my teammate in the DEMACON Ladies Team back in South Africa. On the day she was racing for south Africa which obviously she was my competitor. Just shows what being a true “Teammate“ is all about.

1Km to go i see carla was trying to close the gap down so i followed her and stayed in her wheel, 600 meters to go Aurelie makes a very surprising attack which I was not very much aware off. Instead of working together to perhaps get 4th – 5th she decided to obviously do her own thing, which ended working well for herself and obtained 4th place. I wish I could also have faked it till you make it in races. Unfortunately, I go out there to race my bike. Give it all and win or give it all and come last. Anyways this is racing.

 And in racing, not everyone can race their bikes the way it should be raced.

 I am proud of the way I raced on the day, I gave it all and I left it all out there. It was all OR nothing. Very unfortunate day for myself, super disappointed obviously as I prepared for this a long time ago. I would like to thank every single person out there that supported me throughout this process.

   My journey does not stop here, many many years to go.

Until next time peeps.

[loiswolf]

Day 19 June 3 Stornoway-Callanish-Stornoway 60kms

Day 19 June 3 Stornoway- Callanish- Stornoway 60kms

Another beautiful day! First let me tell you something about the hostel. It is a building of over 200 years old. The previous owners had begun renovating but must have run out of money. So the only renovation completed is what would have been the ensuite. It is now the bathroom off the female dormitory and it’s incredible.

The men are not told about it. It is so unlike the rest of the house!

The owner/manager is a young mother, Christine. She is the most hard working patient, sweet person I have ever met. She does everything with a 7 month old baby on her hip including all the things most hostels get there guests to do. I’m afraid she will probably burn herself out soon. Every time I offer to do something she says she will do it when she can find somewhere to put the baby. ( of course I just do it for her) She was very apologetic about the fact that I had to move rooms today. I really didn’t mind. At least tonight I am not in a top bunk ( they are very awkward to get down from) and I have room to put my stuff. My other alternative was a bus shelter.

First stop today was the ferry terminal to buy a ticket for tomorrow morning. The ferry leaves at 7am so I thought I would get that out of the way. The young  boy who served me ( he looked about 10) was managing the system much better than the young man at Uig and I actually received a ticket this time.

A quick stop for a photo of the harbour on this beautiful day

And I was on my way to Callanish. Google maps only showed me one road this morning so I followed its route which took me back the way I came in yesterday for about 15kms. Then I turned right and headed for the stones. The road was fairly quiet and rather pretty.

I followed the signs towards the stones, parked Shirley around the back of the visitor’s centre and went to check them out. Like Stonehenge they don’t really know why they have been put there.

Next it was time for a coffee and scone in the visitors centre. Apart from the scone being stale it was a nice little place. Not too over the top touristy, just somewhere you could have a coffee and maybe buy a souvenir or postcard.

I messaged one of my other sisters while I was there. She was able to appreciate my location since she has also seen Outlander.

Back on the bike and into a bit of a headwind. The wind and the hills were not much of a problem today because I was not carrying anything.

I decided to try a back road rather than ride the same road into town as I did yesterday. It was a really quiet road in what seemed like a really remote place.

This is taken at the top of the hill.

On the other side there were a lot of wind turbines.

It wasn’t long before I was back in Stornoway. I had a lovely quiet afternoon revisiting Tesco’s and sitting out in the sun with my kindle. Tomorrow will not be so relaxed!

[cook-the-beans]

As I said in a previous post, you shouldn’t visit Bali thinking about the beaches, if you want great beaches, look at other Indonesian islands or even other countries in southern Asia. Said that what a better place to be than a city that doesn’t have a coastline, and is really well located to visit the best places around the island of Bali.

I’ve found that Ubud offers the best location, great and affordable accommodation and abundant vegan food options. Out of all the cities in Bali, Ubud is the best, not because is the most authentic one (far from that) but because it has good quality affordable touristic infrastructures in a perfect location to do days out to other places in the island. Within relatively short driving distances you have temples, museums, mountains, waterfalls, rice terraces, and many other natural sights.

The downside of Ubud is that feels a bit like the city is entirely set up to tourists, unfortunately, most places in Bali that offers good/affordable accommodation nowadays are like that. Although I still found that Ubud offered a good middle ground between touristic and local.

About Ubud

Ubud is located in the Gianyar region of Bali and is surrounded by lush rice paddies, and is one of the cultural centers of Bali. Ubud is extremely popular among tourists and a hub of yoga, spas and, vegan food.

Ubud like the rest of the island of Bali is a multi-religious place, but the predominant religion is Hinduism, called Agama Hindu Dharma, a blend of Shivaism and Buddhism. Their religion is a world apart from the Hindu religion in India. Ubud, like the rest of Bali, is home to countless temples, and their everyday life is inextricably intertwined with colorful and fascinating religious practices.

Bahasa is the language spoken and the currency used is the Rupiah ($1=Rp.14.800)

I have spent 10 days exploring the island of Bali, always based in Ubud, I had a motorbike to go to different places every day. Please be aware that I don’t advise in any way that you rent a motorbike there if you don’t have experience, Bali, its not the place to learn how to ride one. I never ever seen so many people with motorbike injuries during my travels like I saw in Bali. Road conditions are rough and traffic a nightmare, on top of that there are no rules…

Out of the 10 days only two were actually spent in Ubud, what I think is more than enough if you are not planning to do anything special like a yoga retreat or a course. So here are the top things to do in Ubud

At the end of the post check also what to avoid 🙂

What to do in Ubud

Campuhan Ridge Walk (8.5km, ~3h/4h)

This place is a serene and beautiful green path for an easy hike early morning, the path starts at the Campuhan Bridge and has an amazing view of the jungle, rice paddy fields, small villages, communities, temples, and passes over the lush river valley of Sungai Wos.

This is worth waking up early for, you can go any time during the day but it does get hot and crowded, at least the first part of the path.

  The Puri Saren Agungis – Ubud Royal Palace 

It’s far for being a spectacular place but is the hub of all of Ubud’s cultural events. The entrance is free.

Saraswati Temple (Water Palace)

Its one of the most beautiful temple in central Ubud with a great little walkway in between lotus ponds leading up to the temple. The Saraswati Temple is a Hindu temple built in the 19th century to adore the Goddess Saraswati (The Goddess of Knowledge).

Jalan Goutama 

It’s a road packed with organic everything, from restaurants, bars, cafes, ice-cream shops, etc. and has lots of local warungs serving cheap and delicious food. Here you will find restaurants for all tastes, budgets and, diets.

Jl. Kajeng

A road with messages written into the street paving. It’s really nice to stroll up here and read the message of peace, love and ‘vegan propaganda’.

Ubud Market

The market is a great place to stroll around. If you go very early in the morning (what I recommend) you can visit the produce market in the far south-east corner, and this is as authentic as it gets (7h-10h). Later on, you only have souvenir stalls, with clothes, homewares, jewelry, and other miscellaneous bits and pieces. Prices are always fully negotiable.

Watch a movie at Paradiso Ubud 

Paradiso Ubud is the world’s first organic vegan cinema and definitely worth a try! There are daily movie screenings and the food is delicious.

Food

Balinese food is delicious, and anywhere you go in Ubud there will be delicious vegan options on the menu.

Ubud is blessed with an abundance of great eateries, although menus are a little pricey compared to the rest of Indonesia if you don’t scuffle around backstreets. Local warungs or Padang rumah makan (eating house) are great options.

Massage

There is a tonne of little spas lining the roads in the center of Ubud with very reasonable prices. Why not treat yourself with a full body Balinese massage? You can find prices as lower as RP70.000 to 100.00 ($4.70 – $6.80) for one hour massage.

Wander around 

This is true for any place you visit, stroll around without a plan or a schedule, and lose yourself through narrow streets.. Because Bali is a predominantly Hindu island, there is always something to see, experience and smell.. for example, each morning you will find hundreds of little boxes called Canang Sari filled with flowers, offerings and burning incense.

Unfortunately, there is also a downside here, Ubud has Jammed traffic from vehicles and pedestrians, severely uneven, damaged and broken sidewalks, broken drainage holes with jagged metal bars, sidewalk vendors, shop displays and sometimes even motorbikes. So you are guessing correctly, walking can be a challenge that requires energy and art.

Motorbike around the Ubud countryside

Bali is a small island, so renting a motorbike gives you the freedom and access to explore the Balinese countryside. On your way to places is easy to stumble upon local festivals, cremation ceremonies,  pass by beautiful structures of intricately-carved stone, people flying kites in the fields, beautiful rice paddies, waterfalls, mountains, markets, temples…

⛔️ what to Avoid in Ubud

Sacred Monkey Forest

This is considered a must-do for many, for me is a must not. You do not need to pay to go to a jungle and to see macaques in Southeast Asia, literally you can do it everywhere, for free and without the crowds.

Plus these monkeys are not as cute as they look in the pictures they can be scary aggressive. If you are still planning a visit don’t take anything with you that you aren’t prepared to lose, monkeys can open bags with ease and are professional thieves. They are well trained at efficiently robbing tourists.

I know I’m just telling you to avoid one of the most popular Ubud attractions, but trust me on this one.

Shopping

Well maybe I’m a bit suspect on this one because to be fair I don’t shop, I’m already carrying my small bag around with me, and the last thing I need is extra weight 🙂 plus Ubud is extremely expensive (for Indonesian standards) you will find the same things much much cheaper somewhere else.

If you are into shopping go to the market but be prepared to haggle. Even if you don’t want to do any shopping I still think that you should give the market a visit but early in the morning, because by afternoon it gets seriously crowded.

Don’t buy spices or coffee on the market, most of it is fake.

Sungai Ayung Valley (6.5km ~4h) 

This was sposed to be a great trekking through the lush, tropical river valley but sadly has become an extortion scheme.

When you arrive at the Sayan Terrace hotel, you take the path downhill, there you will find some locals that are blocking the passage with a gate and you can only pass through if you pay RP.150.000 ($10) per person. We refused to pay and they didn’t allow us to pass. So we headed up the hill and we did a different trekking around the same area but instead of the 6.5km took us 15km 🙂

Be aware that the locals carry large sickles or machetes (that they are not using as farming tools) but for the threatening effect.

how to get to Ubud

If you arrive by air, the best option is unfortunately to take a taxi. As you know is always hard to negotiate taxi fares so it’s probably best to have that arrangement done in advance. Most places in Ubud will offer that service, negotiate with them and skip the hassle at the airport in Denpasar.

In August 2018 the taxi fares from Denpasar to Ubud were around RP. 250.000 to RP. 350.000 ($17-$23)

Just get ready for a very slow ride from Denpasar to Ubud, the traffic is just unbelievable. Ubud is about the same distance and time from the nearest port, where boats go to Gili Islands and Lombok.

Where to Stay

My suggestion is to stay close to the center, in a place that includes breakfast, offers transfer and that rents motorbike, this will prevent that you get in one of those motorbikes scams. Ubud has plenty of options with a great relation between quality and price. Make some research and look at the reviews.

I stayed in a great central place, and still in a quiet street. The family was really nice and welcoming, the room was clean and comfortable, and the price excellent, $8 per night with breakfast (I’m happy to pass the name of the place if you want).

Extra notes  

To visit temples, you must be dressed appropriately which includes wearing a sarong, that is basically a long piece of cloth that you wear wrapped around the body and tucked at the waist. Just bring one from home so you don’t need to buy or rent one.

Small temples are all around the city and each temple is unique in its own way.

Don’t buy water bottles, Bali has a project for water refills. Download the app and find the closest location. Ubud has several places offering this service for free or for a small fee (https://www.refillmybottle.com).

Indonesia is an affordable place to travel but especially in Bali, you need to be extra careful to not spend more than you budgeted.  Prices offered to tourists are always inflated and haggling is the only option to bring it within reason.

ATMs can be found easily throughout Ubud.

photography – all rights reserved – Ana Rocha

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Ubud a great hub to explore Bali As I said in a previous post, you shouldn't visit Bali thinking about the beaches, if you want great beaches, look at other Indonesian islands or even other countries in southern Asia.

[storiesandthensome]

In Stockholm

These days when I'm stuck, trapped in my home office I think about that bat from the cave dive in Mexico often. Not too different from the birds I see on my early morning walks with the dogs, but with a worse reputation. Bats, the origin of all this hell the world is experiencing now.

Someone ate a bat and now we're all fucked. There's a virus eating holes into our lines of defence, sweeping businesses away and drowning John and Jane Does like you and me in a pool of anxiety. In some way, the terror I felt right before swimming through caves in Mexico just a few weeks ago feels oddly similar to the terror I feel now when I wake up knowing 'this is still going on'. A fear of the unknown tickles my feet and it's encouraged by the itches on my skin caused by feeling helpless, a bit out of control, a lot like this is just not how it's supposed to be.

Borders are closed and where my heart was jumping at the thought of vacation or a short trip just weeks ago now sits a heavy rock of worry. When will I see my family again? Will I have any money to travel again anytime soon? How will traveling feel after this is over? Will this be over or change the way we live forever?

But I'm somewhat used to heavy rocks and have detonated many of them. During glorious evenings with friends. In countless therapy sessions. By writing endless volumes of unfinished books and poems and, especially, by staring at vast oceans and deep, seductive forests.

I'll get rid of this one too.

***

My timeline is littered with people begging for work, praising medical staff and complaining about the government. I feel alienated by the world around me. So far, it's been ok for me. No income or job loss yet, the opposite in fact. Several new projects have popped up - people and companies want to show they're responding to the crisis and to show that, they need content. They want to capitalise off of increased time spent online and I can deliver.

But this strange sense of things shouldn't be this ok  makes me wary. The big crash is looming, ready to prance on me when I least expect it. I figure it's best to always expect it. You can't play any tricks on me, destiny. I've spent too many years mulling over all your potential terrors in my head. I come prepared for battle.

***

I brace myself with healthy routines. On the first day of quarantine I quit eating sugar. Cold turkey. Why? Not sure. It's been 4 weeks now and I still haven't concluded. I don't miss the sugar. I like how smooth my skin has become and that my abs show all day around now. I like how light I feel when I run the 15km round around the island. I particularly like that I feel less guilty about indulging in an extra sip of wine. After all, I've been gentle on the treats, haven't I?

[spellyjane]

Ironman Cozumel - a day of “nearlies”

It is always good to wait for a few days after an Ironman to write up a race report. I never quite trust my sanity until I have processed the race day caffeine, eaten solid food, had a good sleep and dealt with my post race laundry.  

I had originally signed up for Ironman Cozumel as redemption for my frustrating 1st Ironman in Arizona last year. But it just felt too far away and I decided to squeeze in 2 more Ironman and 3 more 70.3 races as well. Yeah, nuts. So I arrived in Cozumel feeling a little wary. I  was carrying great fitness but I was feeling mentally DONE with all the intensity. The pain of that Kona course was still fresh enough in my mind to make me even wonder if I really wanted to do it again. I wondered how much I could make myself hurt for a Kona slot or a PR or a podium.

I fell in with a fun bunch of Colorado based athletes at my hotel and was really thankful for their company, it was great to share the race weekend with them. I will be keen to catch up when our family relocates to Denver in January.

Did you read my Kona race report? Remember that nasty Aunt Flo who decided to turn up the day before the race? Well can you believe she did it again? Seriously, this needs some investigating, this has happened (unscheduled) the day before 3 races this year. It is not a disaster but it does add a little more anxiety and more time consuming pit stops. Anyway, moving on.

The course layout at Cozumel makes for a busy race morning. Swim start, T1 and T2 are all in different locations. I got myself to the swim start with enough time to squeeze my way up to the fast kids corral, take a few deep breaths, throw down the 1st of 11 Gu packets and go!

I loved that swim. I got onto the pier and dived, yay, I can't remember the last time I was allowed to dive into a swim start. I took off hard. I was wary of being complacent in the current assisted conditions. I settled in, I did get tangled up with other swimmers a couple of times but for the most part just put my head down and worked hard. I was a little bummed that the course was short. I measured it to be 3463m, 350m short! That combined with the current and my more than usual aggressive intensity gave me a ridiculous 13 min PR at 53:21.

I tore through T1 with no complications, glad I chose to clip my shoes on my bike so I could put some speed into my run.

I was out on the bike course in under and hour and I was excited! I thought, right, let's not waste that massive swim PR, let's turn this into a race PR. The swim had not left me feeling as fatigued as usual and I was right on top of my target watts right from the start. (I had struggled with this in my last 2 IMs.) I had ridden 1 loop of the 3 loop course on a rental scooter before the race so knew what to expect. The smooth, flat, straight roads were a TT queen’s dream! (Yeah, I am calling myself a TT queen.) The wind was not as dramatic as I was expecting and even when it was, I just reminded myself that everyone was feeling the same and I just stayed tucked in aero and held my watts. I must say, it was all going quite well, I was right on target for a 5:15 bike, I had made the left hand turn and was about 15km from the bike finish and was crunching numbers in my head and thinking come on girl, you could totally go sub 10 hours when I heard that dreaded “pop - phshhhhh!” Oh dang, back wheel puncture, I shifted into my small ring, jumped off and started getting the puncture sorted. I had pulled out my old tube and was reaching for my new tube when the Ironman bike mechanic arrived, we worked together to get the job done quicker. When we discovered the 3-4mm tear in the tyre we both groaned. Oh crikey, I did not have anything to seal the hole! The mechanic grabbed my old tube, hacked a piece off and shoved it between the new tube and the tear and began inflating the tyre. I wonder if I would have thought of that? Even if I did, I would have struggled to cut a piece with no scissors. He pumped it up to 80psi and I could see the old tube starting to show through the tear and I nearly died, eek! “Stop!” I panicked, but he said, “no, a little more.” He got to 90psi and seemed satisfied. We got my wheel back on and I grabbed his hand and with a squeeze, gushed my most heart felt “Gracias!”

I took off, feeling relieved and terrified. My race was not over and even with a 5 min stop, I was still on target for a very reasonable bike split. However, with just 2 thin pieces of latex between the road and my inner tube, I was terrified that I would not make it to the finish without another puncture.

Well, it worked, I made it to the bike catcher and passed my bike (and a shit ton of anxiety,) right over to him at a time of 5:18:47,  with my watts and IF right on point.

T2 was uncomplicated and I was on my way. I had set myself up for a sub 10hr if I could pull off a good run. Even at that stage I still was not sure what my body was going to let me do. I have struggled with dodgy guts in a couple of Ironman runs and I was not sure if this was going to hit me again, I was feeling as good as I have ever felt as I took off so I just focused on keeping tidy, holding good form and pace.

The 3 loop, out and back course was pretty flat, had some shade and a noticeable tail wind coming back into town each time. So, 7km out and 7km back 3 times. Easy peasy. (Haha, the silly things I say to myself in races.) Sebastian Keinle passed me on his last loop as I was hitting the 4km point, he looked like he was doing it easy and so was I at that point, he must have passed me thinking “Whoa, that age grouper is looking so tidy, I hope I can run like that when I am her her age!” So you can imagine he was super keen to pose for a selfie when he saw me at the award ceremony!

There were only a few other girls out on the course at that point and I began to wonder who they were and what my position was. I had stalked my age group competition prior to the race and will be honest, I was not expecting anyone to be ahead of me given the race I had had so far. So when a spectator friend told me,I was in 3rd place as I hit the 2nd loop I was really bummed. I wondered who they could be, every one I saw on the out and back looked either younger or pro and no one seemed to be looking particularly uncomfortable. I worked really hard to push those thoughts out and told myself that I was having a killer race. I reminded myself that I could only control my own performance and that I was doing a good job of it right now. That being said, I began to slow down a little, I was getting tired. I stopped for the loo just before the 21k turn around. I made that turn and could see the 10hr race slipping away, it was a tough loop that one. I was looking at every girl on the other side of the road and thinking that they looked amazing and that I did not look like I was holding it together etc, my mind was being really mean to me. My new Colorado friends cheered me on as I made the turn for the last loop. I remembered all the races where I have picked up places in the closing stages. I kept that front and centre and just kept trying to look the part. As I made my last turn at the 35km point I started to see girls who I had thought were ahead of me still on the out leg and I realised that I had been really hard on myself. I did not over take anyone in in my AG but I was on target for a respectable run and a big IM PR so I pushed on refusing to slow down and made that final turn onto the carpet. I lept over the finish line with a not terrible 3:46:25 marathon and an awesome 10:04:32 a 10 min PR.

I found the gal who came 2nd in the post race area, I recognised her from the course, I thought she was a pro! Neither her nor the smoking fast gal who won were on the pre race athlete list I had stalked, I guess they signed up late - serves me right!  Anyway we exchanged a few words about the race before she apologised, turned away and puked. Oh and here those doubts flood back to me even now, why wasn't I puking? Did I not try hard enough? I was gaining on her and as it turns out I ran a faster run split than her. I also beat her on the swim too. She went under 10 hours and I did not. Yes I have lamented that flat big time and more and more so since she was able to claim the 2nd of the 2 Kona slots up for grabs. Ok, enough of that, it is what it is. I did the best I could all dang day, I know I did.

I am planning my 2018 race season, still hoping for the perfect race and I hope I can snag another Kona slot in the process.

I look forward to working with my most excellent coach Rick Schopp at INTENT, training at a mile high and starting a new chapter in Colorado with my family in 2018.

Huge thank you to Simon and my kiddos, your support and love through all of the training and racing is wonderful!

See you out on the course next year, I will be the one grinning like an idiot because I am doing something I love!

[shannrussell-blog1]

The first and second parts of this three-part series looked at issues relating to the vehicle, how to get to the Simpson Desert, possible itineraries, what to take and how to avoid any problems.

Barry and his convoy have now completed their adventure and are here to talk about everything else you need to know such as how much fuel you’ll need, what kind of animals you need to be wary of, and some suggested camping spots along the way!

A retrospective of our trip

We did it! Eight vehicles, sixteen adults and six kids. No tyre problems, minimal mechanical issues and apart from minor cuts and scratches, everyone safe and sound. Just like it should be and just like it can be for you with the right planning and preparation.

For almost two weeks in mid-June, the sun shone, winds were light, the days were pleasant and the evenings, although cold, were not freezing.

For me, this was crossing number three and from a driver’s point of view, the slowest but easiest. Slow because there were many undulations along the tracks that restricted speed, even in some of the flatter areas. Add to this a lot of bush dodging, the result of a number of years of good rainfall producing amazing growth that you might consider most “un-desert” like.

The easiest crossing because, again as a result of recent rains, the sand dunes were quite firm and compact. This, together with the right tyre pressure, made dune crossing much easier with most vehicles not requiring low-range, even at Big Red. Another positive side effect of this was a far better than anticipated fuel consumption – but more of that later. So, let’s look at the highlights.

Outback hospitality

As mentioned in part 2 of this series, our group decided to eat out for dinner when the opportunity arose.

So we had the pleasure of dining at Mt Dare Hotel, Birdsville Hotel, Mungerannie Hotel and the Copley Pub. In each of these places, the food was delicious, copious and very reasonably priced.

Other good meal experiences had by our group were lunch/snack at the Pink Roadhouse at Oodnadatta and breakfast and lunch at the Birdsville Bakery.

An absolute highlight was our evening at Mungerannie. The staff were entertaining and couldn’t do enough to make our stay fun. The kitchen coped with our large group exceptionally well and some of our team partied well into the night.

Simpson camping

It takes a while to get there, so make the best of it. Our plan included two full days where we stayed put and just enjoyed the desert, and what a great decision that was. On one of these occasions, we did not see another person for about 44 hours – ah, the peace, serenity and solitude. The kids could play, people went for walks around the dunes amazed at the growth and the incredible number of animal tracks and there was time for a sit-down, a read and even an afternoon back-bash.

Sometimes it is a challenge to find a good flat, clear campsite, especially with the amount of growth around, so here are three that were excellent, especially with a larger group:

On Rig Road about 15km east of Mokari airstrip – 26 19′ 14.9S 136 36′ 02.4E

Rig Road – 26 25′ 42.0S 137 24′ 09.0E

On QAA line – 25 57′ 22.5S 138 00′ 12.4E

Desert Creatures

Dingoes were quite common and kept a good eye on us, coming quite close to camp and wandering through during the night. Keep an eye on the kids, especially the littlies, and don’t leave anything outside the tent or vehicle at night.

Other unwelcome evening visitors were rats. These came right up to tents and swags and were prone to nibbling – on almost anything. Our two swag dwellers found some well placed small LED lights around the swags acted as a deterrent as they do not like the light.

The other precaution we took was to lift vehicle bonnets when arriving at camp to cool down the engine before nightfall. Rats can be attracted to warm places and nibble on vehicle wiring. A small LED light in the engine bay may also be a good idea. I had never encountered the rat problem in previous trips, doubtless another by-product of the excellent conditions.

Driving

For those who love driving, and 4WDing in particular, this is a great trip. In the main, all of the outback roads leading to and from the desert were in great condition – a credit to the road crews that constantly maintain them.

Lowered tyre pressures on these roads ensured a comfortable ride and a reduced risk of tyre damage. Not one tyre issue on our entire trip! That’s 32 tyres covering a combined 26500 km – we were very happy travellers.

The desert driving was excellent with the first steep dune crossing always being a bit of a “heart-in-mouth” moment. “Will I make it??” The exhilaration of going over the top is worth any initial angst and you soon learn to gauge speed and gear choice. Sometimes you might misjudge and not quite make the top. The key here is not to sit there spinning wheels and digging holes but stop and carefully back down the dune and try again.

I’ve mentioned it a lot, but tyre pressures are critical to success. 20psi proved to be a pretty good pressure in these conditions and although there were a few “second go’s”, everyone managed very comfortably.

Big Red

If you’re travelling east, this is the last and largest sand dune of the Simpson. Everyone has to have a go at trying to climb it. There is an alternative easier crossing available if this is not your thing, but for our group, the challenge was out.

Confronted with several options, the consensus was “straight up”. Everyone made it and the view from the top, which usually is a large flat expanse and the road into Birdsville, was instead an enormous lake. This is the result of the incredible rains in the area in recent times. A number of our vehicles repeated the feat with others at the wheel just to be able to say “I climbed Big Red”.

Fuel Consumption

As covered in the previous two articles, there are a number of logistical issues to be addressed for a successful crossing, a key one being fuel.

Keeping in mind that every crossing will be different and that ours was probably on the easier end of the scale, due to the moisture in the sand, the amount of fuel used

was less than anticipated. Our entire group had considerable reserves when arriving in Birdsville, but we were prepared for the worst and as you will know, those prepared are those who won’t get caught out.

Between Mt Dare and Birdsville our group covered 640km. Fuel usage was:

Hilux 3l turbo diesel auto – 106 litres

Landcruiser 100 4.7l V8 petrol auto – 154 litres

Jackeroo 3.5l V6 petrol auto – 143 litres

Landcruiser 100 4.2l turbo diesel manual – 101 litres

Pajero 3.8l V6 petrol auto – 141 litres

Landcruiser 200 4.5l V8 turbo diesel auto – 103 litres

Prado 4.0l V6 petrol auto – 120 litres

Landcruiser 100 4.2l turbo diesel manual – 112 litres

Toileting

Our group used a variety of options, most involving a hole in the ground with a variety of seat options that are available. A pop-up shelter provides the privacy. Ensure holes are dug at least 30cm deep and that toilet paper is burnt (supervise the children).

While travelling, a dash into the bush does the job.Ladies, take a zip-lock bag with you for used toilet paper and dispose of later. For the first time ever, I took a Porta Potti and it proved to be another effective and simple toileting option.

Water

On a trip like this, water is at a premium. One way to save is to use baby wipes to clean the nether regions and provide a good level of personal freshness and hygiene. When it comes to dishes, use paper plates and bowls which can also be used to light the fire after.

  Other useful information

Fly nets: Make sure you have them.

Fires: Bring your own wood, heat beads, briquettes, etc. There are still many old railway sleepers along the Oodnadatta Track so pick some up if you have space. Enjoy this luxury while you can as there is a proposed complete fire ban in some areas of the Simpson starting from 2013.

Trailers: I made my feelings clear about trailers in the first article – don’t bring them. However, there are still plenty out there, including some large and substantial camper trailers. Hauling these up fragile dunes is massively wearing on both the dunes and the vehicle. It’s also responsible for many of the scallops or potholes that impede progress when nearing a dune crest. I have little doubt that they will also appear on the banned list in due course.

Tarps: Great for providing shade, if you are spending some time camped in one spot, for giving a clean place for the kids to sit on to play games, and to put your clean gear on when setting up and dismantling camp.

Now, I got this idea from Graham Cahill, Editor of 4WD Action magazine, and he is one tough 4wding dude – so don’t laugh. The good old-fashioned stable table is great for eating a meal sitting around the campfire. Also great for the kids to use while travelling.

Well, there you have it, a brilliant trip with everything going to plan. The Simpson is accessible to anyone with a sense of adventure, a well-prepared vehicle and a couple of weeks to spare.

With all the rain in recent years the desert is at its best, so get out there and have a look.

Have you crossed the Simpson? Let us know, we want to hear about your adventure.

The post Crossing the Simpson Desert for Beginners (Part 3) appeared first on Snowys Blog.

[writinguphill]

HOW TO VENTOUX: Club des Cinglés

Before I start talking about this beautiful, windy bastard - I’m going to give some ability perspective to make this read as useful as it hopefully is inspiring.

In the grand scheme of cycling, I’m probably at the top-end of middle-of-the-road. I hit Regent’s Park one or two mornings a week, throw in an after-work Swain’s Lane rep session, then get out for 50-80 milers most weekends. I’m no mountain goat, and my legs aren’t smooth - but I’m definitely not shit.

Dating profile over. Now for the Mont.

Myself and three mates headed out mid September for three days of riding, choosing Bedoin as our base. Being the toughest of the 3 ascents we wanted to get it done first, and it turned out to be a great little town to stay in, with plenty of pizza and bike shops.

This was actually one of those trips where we got everything pretty spot on, so I’ve put some recommendations after the rides, and linked each Strava route.

Day one: Lovely leg warmer (80km, 2115m)

This route was a gem, looping around the southwest of the mountain through the stunning Gorges de la Nesque. Genuinely can’t recommend it enough.

After a nice steady 8km climb to get the brain and legs in gear, it takes in gorgeous vineyards and villages - plus an incredible descent through the tunnels carved in the mountain side. Les Gorges indeed.

We stopped for a coffee in a sleepy town called Monieux about 38k in, and even fed baguette to a wild boar. Proper French. There’s a little sting in the tail just to remind you that you’re there to climb, but all in all it’s an absolute beauty to start.

Then it was back to base. Beers in the sun. Pizza (there is no other food in Bedoin). Kit lay out for the 5am start. Foam roller. Sleep.

Day two: Club des failure - 30km

Advice: Always check what’s going on up the mountain before you set off.

Today, as we found out 15km up, a downhill car racing event was happening, meaning the final 7km to the summit was closed. Brilliant.  

Back down. Talk about how we’d have to do those sodding 15kms all over again. Beers. Pizza. Bed.

Day three: Club des Cingles (135km, 4900m)

This was the day we joined le club. Bedoin, Malaucene, Sault - in that order. And what a day of riding it is.

Bedoin ascent (20km, 1540m, 8% avg)

The steepest of the 3 actually starts off steady, averaging about 4% for the first few kilometres to get the legs warm. Enjoy it while you can though, because at about 6km things ramp, and my Garmin didn’t move much below 12% for the next 8 or so km.

To any mountain novices this will sound hellish, but I think us Brits are just used to smashing it up short sharp climbs in England - reaching the top panting and red. Here things are very different, and once you’ve accepted you’re going to be climbing for nearly 2 hours, you just settle in and enjoy it. No rush. No red lining. Just lovely smooth spinning. 

Once into the rhythm, the climb is never too painful either. The smooth tree-lined roads are a joy to ride and you can just spin away, with the occasional clunk up to stand and give the bits some respite. Our Look hire bikes had 50/34 cassettes on the back, and those extra few teeth were an absolute godsend, so I’d definitely recommend it to minimise pain and maximise pleasure. You want to enjoy this!

As you hit Chalet Reinard at 15km, the landscape starts to change and the wind really kicks in. The trees disappear (probably uprooted by the sodding wind), and everything opens up to reveal the infamous Ventoux moonscape. With the sun beating down, this final 7km to the summit looks incredible, but fuck me it is a battle. And be warned - the Sault ascent shares this windy winding bugger, so you’ll be doing it twice. 

The zig-zagging road allows for some intermittent respite from the gusts, but with savage crosswinds on the corners there were some very hairy moments for us. Josh actually got blown off his bike, and Charlie had to unclip just shy of the summit to prevent a similar fate. 

Another word of warning - don’t be fooled by the sight of the weather tower at the top - it’s an oasis. When you see it for the first time it feels like you’ve made it, but there’s still a good 5km to go. 

Nevertheless, we pushed (and held) on and made it to the top. Just…

To get your Cingles card stamped, you have to go about 50m back down to the cafe, which you can see just on the left at the start of the video. It’s a welcome break from the wind and cold, and a lovely excuse to warm up with a coffee and cake and have a wee (if you can locate the old chap).

With one climb done, we zipped up the gilets and flew down to Malaucene - quite literally. The descent is epic and ludicrously fast in parts. The only downside to this of course, is knowing you’ll shortly be going back up it…

Malaucene ascent (21.5km, 1555m, 7% avg)

After another quick coffee and cake at the Cingles stamp cafe (it pays to buy something in these places as it keeps the staff smiling), we unzipped the gilets, pocketed the arm warmers, and began ascent number 2.  

I actually found this one the toughest - by a long way. It may have had something to do with the rising temperature or knowing what lay ahead, but it definitely hurt more than the first.

The Malaucene ascent is far less winding than Bedoin, and there are a couple of long straight sections that really test your metal. Kilometre-markers line the entire climb too, and while these can help you tick things over mentally, being alerted at every km that the next km averages another 11%, is tough.

We stopped once on this climb to catch our breaths and capture this Instagram gold, then just got our heads down and pushed on up.

The final few km of this climb are the nicest of the three, and the views are some of the best you’ll see over the entire trip - so look around and drink them in (if you can pick your head off your headset). 

Summiting this one was a proper relief - and now all that stood in our way of Cinglés glory was the longer, ‘flatter’ Sault approach.

Sault ascent (25km, 1200m, 4%)

By the time we started our descent down to Sault, the sun was beaming and the summit temperature was bearable, so we took the opportunity to stop and pay our respects to Tom Simpson. It’s amazing to see how many people leave caps and bidons on his memorial (and even more amazing how they stay put with the bastard wind). 

The descent down to Sault is a dream. Being less steep it’s obviously less quick, which means you can actually take in your surroundings, and the roads are as smooth as they come (thank you Tour De France), winding through mountain forests and eventually opening out to vineyards as you near Sault. And here it is…

Once again, we stopped, stamped, and filled up our bottles, then set of for the final approach. One thing I would say about this ascent is, it’s long. Very long. And with a far less challenging gradient and that extra 5km, it does drag a little. But when it does, just look around and remind yourself that riding (and life in general) doesn’t get much better. So bloody enjoy it. 

As we reached Chalet Reinard for the final time, we knew it was just that 7km slog left. The wind hadn’t relented, and it took every bit of life in the legs and lungs to grind up it. I don’t think a word was uttered until we hit the top - but when that moment came, it was nothing short of fucking fantastic. 

And that’s it, you’re done. Relax. Reflect. Reminisce. You’re now a member of the Club Des Cinglés! Just make sure you get your final stamp back down in Bedoin. Then have a beer. Or eight.  

Recommendations:

Accommodation

Great little Airbnb smack bang in the centre of Bedoin, right next to the bike shop, and pretty much at the start of the segment. Ideal.

Bike hire

I can’t recommend Bedoin Location enough. The guys working in there are friendly and helpful, and got our set-ups spot on. We hired Look 566 bikes with 50/34 on the back.

Kit 

We went mid September and the temperature was perfect for climbing. Cool in the mornings and warm by midday. So I’d suggest base layer, short sleeve jersey, gilet and arms warmers. Sunglasses are also a must for descending. 

Food + water

Other than Chalet Reinard (which you pass on both the Bedoin and Sault ascents), there are no shops or cafes during the climbs - so grab what you need at the top and bottom of each one. And definitely take two bidons - it’s thirsty work. 

[kipjordan]

Tour Down Under, 2017

Full disclosure - there’s not a single photo of the pro Peloton ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Day 1

Well, a series of Jetstar & God’s blunders

I’m still relatively new to cycling, I’d say in the last 6 months I feel strong, really finding my stride, or (pedal) stroke, what have you. And I have these miasmic memories of missing out on #TdU2016 - suddenly everyone was gone and I was whipping my head around rasping “Huh? Td - what?”. And then came the photos, the videos, the enormous envy welling up inside me. 

So, jumping ahead to #TdU2017, I wanted to get there desperately. Thursday night came and I went, gliding on clouds of bliss to Tullamarine, Terminal 4. Lugging that bike bag, savouring it’s weight on my shoulder, leaving deep aching marks there, and deep imbued memories on my brain.

I watched the storm on Thursday 18th of January charge it’s way across the ocean, a cavalry of wind, rain and lightning thrashing it’s mane over the city. So much so in fact that we couldn’t land. A lap of Adelaide later and we returned to Melbourne. So went The Evening of Thursday 18th of January. Spent entirely in a flying metal tube. 

Day 1 

Okay let’s try this again

A 4:30am start with 3 hours sleep, a 6:30am flight complimented by a lukewarm and floppy McDonalds muffin-type breakfast. 8:30am and I’m in Adelaide, the living room of Andy, Caz, Jake and Gen. Jake greet me heartily with a warm “huh? you’re here already?”, his underpants hanging loosely to his lean Adelaidean cyclist leggos. We embraced, he is very kind and lovely. And together we sat in a silent morning daze, on the edge of nihilism in the face of another day, but as the rays of the sun fought their way through the blinds, we shook our heads clear of their dustiness and begun our days.

Bike built (with the help of Andy’s marvellous and very useful Park Tools Work Stand), coffee had and Ebenezer Place along with Treadly Bici Shoppe looked at, I joined Adrian and his crew of mischief makers for a self styled* “recovery ride”. *self styled becomes contextually importante

Here is where the riding begins, and by God, this was no recovery. I had been had. More than less, this was in search of down for the sake of up, short and sharp, anaerobic heart rates, sweat stinging the eyes. And a whole lot of smiles, sweeping descents and laughs. Okay, the photos begin now jeez

This ride was tough, by no means am I a mountain goat on bike, nor is my bike the stiffest $15,000 hot mess an Investment Banker in team kit would put on the card for points - but I reached each crest, and pushed past them. I also learnt the value in compact chainrings and the Dean Jones 32t Cassette Workout Programme, the hard way. 

This gruelling adventure, off the back of the Thursday night storm which lashed the windows of Adelaide, my plane and soul all equally, was exactly what I set out to be a part of. Tour Envy(tm) had been avoided, innate human desire for suffering and self destruction satiated, belly grumbling for nutrition and brain yearning for naps all ticked off in a 420 birds with one stone bonanza.

Big thanks to Alex, Adrian, Cam and Finn for having me along. Glad I could keep up - or that you kept a gentle pace ;)

We managed to make it in time for a little interview with Lachy Morton, hurr’ing and durr’ing as he does, and a little viewing of Thereabouts 3, with Lachy Morton’s hurr’ing and durr’ing offset by brother Gus Morton’s sharp green eyes and we were ready to eat.

Now, there aren’t any photos of my evening: a grand feast, the likes of which have never seen before, was had in the halls of Kopi Tim, Adelaide’s finest vegan friendly Malaysian restaurant. Why no photos? This is a photo bloggo after all you dolt. Well because it was one of those times, so sublime was my company that my finger ne’er did reach for a shutter - nay it didn’t reach for much other than food and my single accompanying beer (cheers to Max who joined my lead-out attack in that regard, and made me not feel like a freak in a bunch of healthy vibrant non-drinking... people who are really wonderful. This is sprawling). And so three meals inhaled down my gullet later we bid adieu to Kopi Tim and slowly rolled through the city, branching off as the intersections came and went. 

A big thank you to Andy, Caz, Jake, Gen, Sam, Fiona, Lana, Max and Faz for making that dinner sit as a trophy in my heart. These are fantastic people with big kind hearts, full of empathy and love. Big ups. 

Day 2

Willunga Return - pro cycling is very boring (terms and conditions apply*)

Because I am a very delicate flower I’m not used to back to back days of long riding, but there was something in the air, something in the water, food, bed linen, that invigorated the spirit and granted bonuses to Strength, Intelligence, Dexterity, Constitution, Wisdom and Charisma. It was essentially the DnD v5 character sheet with a Bard and Cleric char giving squad bonuses on a 5d5 roll that always hits. Duh, it’s a buff.

Now on the vein of me being a flower - I slept in, received messages from Caz along the lines of “where are you?”,��“Get up and get here”, “We’re going to leave”, “Oh what?”, “Oops yes you’re right the ride doesn’t leave until 9am”. #ProHours Caz. Anyway, she did save me from myself, and as a flower does I rolled out of bed like a sack of potatoes, rolled into kit, rolled into town, rolled into the cafe and rolled some coffee into my body, then rolled into the hills on my bike, all the fashion of a sack of potatoes. 

This was a day spent cruising, some challenging difficult climbing, some loose gravel but always followed with smiles. That’s very much what this was - a day of smiles.

It’s really just a whole lot of me sitting on Andy’s wheel. I don’t have a single regret - that booty just so fine.

This was a long’un - a series of episodic run-ins with friends from all over, as if the entirety of Melbourne’s cyclist mass had migrated west, diving head first into the summer instead of patiently waiting it’s arrival back home. 

I’m just gushing and stammering madly about how good the entire time was - and thus I’d like to continue thanking people who helped make it so pleasant, in the extreme. Lana, Max, Andy, Tim, Alex, Faz (even though she relentlessly dropped us, forgetting, surely, for the entire day that she wasn’t in fact registered to race in the Tour itself), Caz, Gen and Jake for being a thoroughly entertaining and early rising support crew. And I’d like to thank myself for just being me, you know.

Of the evening itself I can’t remember much, perhaps in a fugue state I was unable to consolidate as my cup overflowth with joy - an analogous situation reminiscent of Socrates story of the Three Sieve:

From Lyceum Philosophy, Happy and Freedom in Socrates & Callicles:

A brief description of the two myths is in order. In the first one, Socrates speaks about those uninitiated ones in Hades who carry water into a leaky jar using a leaky sieve (where the sieve is meant to be the soul). And because they leak, he likens the souls of fools to sieves (493b-c). In the second, he tells of two men, each of whom has many jars. The jars belonging to one of them are sound and full (one with honey, another with milk, etc.). It is also supposed that the sources of each of these things are scarce and so attainable only with much toil. Now the one man, having filled up his jars, doesn’t pour anything more into them and so he can relax. As for the other man, he too has the resources that can be attained, though with difficulty, but his jars are perforated and rotten. And so he’s forced to continually fill them, all day round, or else he suffers frustration and pain (493d-494a). 

And yet Socrates, there I sat, a man with a full jar - happy as Larry with yet more to pour in and spill lavishly around the outside of what I envisage as a mason jar, full of a banana soy protein milkshake. I’ll stick to that, you enjoy your hemlock, bro.

I went to bed happy once again.

*Riding 3 hours to see Sagan not pop a wheelie for 3 seconds rates poorly. Pro cycling is a good view from a couch, and even then, most of the time it’s white noise until the final 10km. So if it’s not friends, or me, I don’t super care. This is just another person’s opinion.

Day 3

Let’s hit the hills, let’s feel sore and go to to a cafe

Hey it was something of a inner-chuff, feeling familiar with Montecute road, enough to pace myself at least to the top of Corkscrew. Having been duped by The Adrian Zanado ‘I don’t know how to run a recovery ride’ recovery ride, I decided not to give Corkscrew another strong burl. This decision was compounded by a half rotten corpse that used to be Mason Hender, that I found at the top (later analysis proved a solid 15km ave [or something], and roughly 300watts ave [I think thats like 8.5watts per kg]).

And on we went, resting here and there, enjoying the calm gentle afternoon. Time to stop by a clearwater babbling brook to watch the fish lazily wave their tails against the flow of the stream felt like something we could do for hours were it not for the immediately pressing of matter of getting Cam the fuck home asap as soon as goddamn fucking possible, holy shit they’re gonna fucking leave without him, shit what they dumped his stuff outside the hotel room? What the fuck, dude we’re like 60km and 1,000m up and away from there, fuck fuck okay lets fucking bomb down the old freeway oh fuck.

After the frantic descending at 70km/ph we finally bombed our way into the CBD to be greeted with this:

Were they happy that Cam’s ride took far far longer than we had possibly anticipated? We will never know, it’s one of those meta physical matters that only death would grant us the answers to. And yet, maybe not even then - who could possibly say.

What I can say is that the meal I had at this cafe was top notch. And out the window went my Melbournian elitism as Adelaide planted itself firmly as a strong contender for Second Capital City (Maybe) after Melbourne (and definitely never Sydney). In this scenario the whole of Canberra has dishonourably retired from the political and economic world after using tax payer money to buy apartments on the Gold Coast.

So in closing...

What can I say about TdU2017 and the people of Adelaide?

My heart swells - I can say that with a keen crystal clarity. I feel much love for the event of TdU, not specifically for the event itself - as well organised as it is. Not specifically for the city of Adelaide which opens it’s arms and accepts us all, allowing us to clog it’s road arteries and veins. It’s not even specifically the love of cycling itself, no - it’s very much the people on the bikes. 

Sure, I don’t know them all, that would be outrageous. But the ones I do know are the best of people. I wrote this earlier, and to repeat myself: I’ve found in them a great kindness, openness and empathy. Immediately they’ve warmed to new people and like their city, open their arms to us. I’m glad to know I’ll see them at least once a year for (hopefully) many many years to come.

Now this isn’t to say us Melbournian’s are the pits - nah we’re pretty great too. Some of the finest were out there, and for every moment I spent with them I am thoroughly appreciative. 

So in closing: smiles, laughter, a heavy pedal, sweat dripping from the tip of my nose after a deep exhale. These small moments made a whole, and it’s a whole I’ll treasure.

[ta96msfn-blog]

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Whats a good price of cheap car insurances on the same car!!! myself under my mother s know that if i to find some cheaper have been saving money and need to see I work 2 part would like to soon. get insured.Over in the have 800 for a know of any UK insurance to carry especially rate really go down Page job doesn t fly. have no insurance, What Does anybody know what I accumulated through prostitution, solicitors have issued County car insurance has gone from hospital..It doesnt have getting the car? I 1300 but I know just bought a new qualify for insurance to all my information i be a month for vehicle insurances. 10 Points for this information, but cost to insure a get insurance without a to drive on the for one. The thing in order to drive registered and insured but much do you pay is TIGHT. i know living in Southern California. Isuzu Rodeo? I ve gotten get a new car, .

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The ego and rational mind: how the smile became the ultimate insult and the final grace of God.

I've heard people talk, do, manipulate, lie, cheat, ostracize, hate and everything in between with a smile.

Over a long enough period of time being imprisoned by circumstance - the association of happiness, becomes that of absolute fear. What next?

My mother had a gift for hurting her children with promises, hope and active undermining. Later I found she had confided in my sister that she was in despair that she reigned no control over these behaviour patterns.

My sister and I became the emotional puppets of the impulsive whims of a demon convinced she was angel, trapped by herself. Borderline Personality Disorder.

Every attempt I made to make decisions for myself was either actively undermined, thrown into the bin, or met with sheer hatred out of spite. The smile, became a sign someone was reaping the product of their manipulation.

After spending 7 days in the bush without a shower with limited food, doing drill, navigation, 15km treks in summer at bindoon, culminating in a 8 hour stand in rank and file for annual camp ceremony closure, the first words uttered when I was picked up - was 'Well how was it?", a snide remark, that somehow I had the audacity to take a holiday away from her miserable life.

My attempts to make the military family more than my real one was headed off as soon as it was proposed. Not just by my mother. By sister. By my aunty. By my father. Their concepts of a 'satisfactory life' resound like a joke. Their smiles, their 'good' intentions. 'Here's a pamphlet on how to get an electrical apprenticeship. Do good in school.' 'Go to Uni'. Which is it then?

The incoherence of my guardians, the incoherence of my schooling, the incoherence of my trajectory. The stifled growth disallowed me to explore what it feels like to commit and become good at something. I stopped belonging anywhere, besides in the depths of other peoples mind. Something I would never be paid for. Nor would I ask money for. You don't buy loyalty.

By the end of schooling I had managed to finish my WACE exams and gain my certificate. It was a fraudulent entry into a tertiary education system. One that I hated. Of course, I hated smiles, I hated happiness, I hated commitment, I hated everyone.

I saw the future into oblivion. I searched for answers. Usually, I searched for answers as to why I was searching. What's wrong?

I would hang out the washing, then be told to take it down and redo it because it wasn't 'done properly' that I might as well leave it to my mother. I was given spite for the fact that she would have to 'do it herself' and so became a dysfunction in my mind. That while I could theorize about quantum particles, balance redox equations, and calculate the minimum mass required to create a black hole the size of the sun - I couldn't hang out the washing.

Smiles stopped existing. I would lie with a smile, and front with honesty, but truly I became fearless of consequence. If I couldn't wash my clothes. At least I'd be able to walk like an irony. So my personality became irony. Irony is a form of humour though. So when I ran out of energy to be funny - I became nothing.

There's a special kind of authenticity to your conduct when your ego is obliterated. But life authentic is a bottomless pit of irrational suffering, of hypocrisy, and irony. It becomes everything you see. It is not depression, it is realism. What you come to realise is that the capacity of others to achieve in disregard or selective ignorance of reality - is the very essence of what draws others to them. It becomes their success. And you become your own victim.

If course, 'faking it' would be so much easier if you didn't make contact with rock bottom. Egoless. The human transcends time. Possibilities coalesce, and you sit in absolute awe, that even the achievement of your dreams has already transpired. That even your death and your legacy has transpired. And you are now sucked into a vacuum of pure endlessness, and with that, pure purposelessness. No problem in world is worth the effort. Effort is not worth any problem, either your own or others.

And so you approach God. You approach a being so divorced from the earth. From reality TV, From 9 news, from family - that you become your own unlimited kingdom. But you have work in 3 hours, so you best medicate any way you can so that when you show up - you can small talk your way to later that night without being fired or socially ostracized.

Then, when you sit down. You return to your kingdom.

I made the decision that the abuse I was enduring and negligence I had endured combined with non existent self of positive self but an understanding of horror. Placed me in a position to take responsibility.

The moment I decided to die for my kingdom, became the moment my ego was reborn. When I failed, I laughed, and my humour ignited.

I made a series of positive decisions for myself, and when the negative news was thrown my way, I began to just accept it. Like it was easy, like I wasn't in combat anymore. I began to realise, that I knew a lot about how to suffer nobly. But I knew nothing about how to take of myself. How to be a human being. How to trust myself. Why its okay to trust myself. And why its okay to fear and be scared, parts of living a life of love and breath.

I began to take myself seriously - like it mattered if I was unhappy, like it mattered that I wanted to do things. And I suppose now, even if you took everything away from me. I would still be more indomitable than most, because I know what's worth dying for, and that there is true, real, and absolutely a 100% understandable reason men in particular choose suicide instead of pretending.

Society says that it wants 'civilised' people. It expects that 'civilised' men are domesticated enough to never be a threat. It sets the bar for what is demanded. And for the smart male, Particularly the one left to fend himself. The bar is too low. The competition too weak. The game too trivial. The reward too fleeting. The legacy irrelevant. Because everything is easy when you aren't afraid, and no one knows fear better than someone whose lost and alone.

Can you smile in the face of fear and the burden of tragedy even when no ones watching, lost and alone?

This is the apex of a man. A man who does this will never hesitate to do what is right or necessary and will never experience guilt or regret. He will treat his women and children with respect as he treats himself. But no man is born this way. And what is right and necessary are not subjects of ethics. They are the subjects of war and peace.

No one is tested, no one is forged anymore. 99% of the men I see or have met are subjects of novelty, they are jokes of serious intent. They were not taught. They have not experienced and they are aware of it. They are sickened by it. But I will not wait for other young and middle age men to 'figure it out' by accident. That they are more than plastic to moulded then discarded by a society desperately defending its insecurities about complex issues.

If I do anything in my life it will be to help young to middle age men achieve orientation. Whatever form that takes. Because when our soldiers come home and kill themselves in the living room. You start to wonder whether there is any substance left around to connect people in society to the Earth at all.