#it's just this poor girl discovering that her boyfriend is gay in real time

[plantaagomaajor]

the first episode of HIStory is insane????

[suckerpunch-wrestlinggirls]

SUCKER PUCNCH -Pretty Devils [Wrestling Girls Vol. II]

Avid Queer Reader rated it ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

After loving the first volume I requested an ARC of this second installment coming out in March to the author and she was so kind to send me one in exchange for an honest review.

I read this entire book in one night. No shit. I got the email with the ARC last night at 10 PM, started reading right away... and next thing I new it was 5 AM. And my heart was singing.

I thought I loved the first book because of how true and genuine the love in it is, in all its forms... I wasn't emotionally ready to be completely blown away by Pretty Devils. The real superpower of this author is the heart she can put in each and every of her characters, even the ones who aren't really prominent in the story. That's what truly brings everything to life, what makes you smile and tear up as you read about this bunch of "queer disaster idiots" and their life at the Beatcave.

I wasn't particularly impressed at first by the main character because, after the lovely POC romance we got in the first book, we're now presented with... a lot of whiteness. BUT! It only takes a couple of chapters to grow fond of Liv and her struggles with life and the world. It's never stated anywhere that she's neurodivergent (autistic, I assume?) because, as many neurodivergent people in real life, she never got a disognosis: her mother just calls her stupid and Liv herself believes it's simply a learning disability. So bonus points for the white MFC. Liv is also poor and struggling to make ends meet every month because of her mother's drinking and gambling problems, but she never whines like a martyr and I really appreciated her tough fragility.

On the other side of the spectrum, quite literally, we have Raisa, who is gorgeous and strong and has never had to struggle for anything, coming from a loving, wealthy family. Raisa is presented, at first, as your sterotypical goth: brooding, quiet, maybe even slightly curt (I was swooning the very moment she was introduced), an Ice Queen clad in leather who likes to mind her own business and keep to herself.

No spoilers as to how they meet and how their relastionship begins and develops, but let me say this: we see both these characters bloom page after page right before out eyes. Liv, from the small, frightened kitten she was in the beginning, slowly starts learning to trust people and let her real self come out in the safe and friendly environment of the Beatcave. The dark ice coating Raisa's character starts melting away as she sends more and more time with Liv and I promise you you'll love every bit of their evolution as individuals and as a couple. Liv and Raisa and both far from perfect and they do a lot of things wrong (mostly because Liv has a hard time dealing with emotions and distressing events), but the patience and understanding and deep affection binding them together are stronger than anything else.

Now, subplots I ADORED:

- Roxie and Fiona. These two are show stealers: lesbian couple goals and the most beautiful Gay Moms energy you'll ever find. Watching them together really warms your heart.

- Blu. Blair fucking Lucas, ladies and gentlemen, is a GEM. When she first appeared I groaned to myself: "Oh, here's the gratuitously mean girl whose only prupose is to make the protagonist's life a nightmare." I was wrong. Oooh, boy, so wrong! There's so much to her to discover in between the lines. ILUSM, Blu.

- Mum and her girlfriend + Dad and his boyfriend (I know it sounds funny, but... just read these books, it'll make sense). I sense BIG poly vibes with them and I LOVE it. The poly representation in fiction is so rare, especially non problematic, healthy polyamory, and I think it's so refreshing to see it such a positive, loving portrayal, even if barely hinted at. Maybe it's all just in my brain, but... a win is a win. *wink*

To summarise this endless, delighted rambling of a review, here's what you'll find in this book:

- REALISTIC NEURODIVERGENCY REPRESENTATION - SLOW BURN *CHEF'S KISS* (you can literally see L&R fall in love and will call them idiots A LOT) - PLENTY OF (devastatingly beautiful) FOUND FAMILY FEELS - STRONG WOMEN AND SOFT MEN - POSITIVE STRAIGHT CHARACTERS (who also are idiots in love but won't say it) - POOR GIRL DATING RICH GIRL BUT WANTING TO BE THE ONE WHO DOES THE SPOILING (seriously, though, this alone should earn this book an extra star.) - SO. MUCH. LOVE. (I want to be a part of this bunch of dorks. Where do I apply?)

Go read these books RIGHT NOW. Your queer heart will thank you.

[ghost0loxer]

Imagine, a gender fluid teenager like myself has a favourite/feel-good film and that film is “Just One of the Guys,”from the mid 80s.

Picture this: theatre class, we watch “She’s The Man”, a dreamworks film from the 2000s. And yet, the social justice issues within the film are glaringly obvious to today’s society. Don’t get me wrong, it can be a funny film in a group setting - but then there are scenes that are just uncomfortable. Now, we discussed these themes in class, but I just can’t help but think about the film that came before it. Yes, StM (she’s the mans) is a modern day adaption of Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night” but I was thinking about the modern day adaption before StM, “Just One of the Guys” from the mid 80s.

I love this film. For multiple reasons, which I hope to discuss.

Number one, our main character. Terry Griffith is stubborn. If she thinks something is right, she won’t let anyone say no or get in her way. Now in some cases, this is great. It’s definitely a shift in the usual romantic comedy female lead (especially for the 80s). But it’s one of her biggest flaws. In the beginning, Terry doesn’t win a contest for a part-time job at the Sun Tribune. She believes her article was amazing, but she speaks with her English teacher and he gives it to her straight. “You don’t have what it takes to be a reporter.” Her article is boring; it’s about the nutritional value of the lunch menu in the school cafeteria, of course it’s boring. But the words her teacher tells her has her convinced it’s because she’s a woman. Thus, she leaves school for two weeks and transfers as a buy to another school who are holding the same competition. Once she gives her article, she is told almost the same thing, but this time, she’s given proper feedback to improve it. Of course, there was some irony with this scene between Terry and the teacher. “Just because you’re guy, doesn’t mean you can’t be sensitive or light.” Thing is, she doesn’t give up, she strives to fix it and finds a new angle. I love her determination, I love the way she doesn’t let others push her around. Furthermore, her transition to a man. In StM, Viola as a guy is made to be cringey and comedic, you watch and think, there’s no way a guy would do that. But Terry, having grown up with a younger brother and is actually smart, manages to nail the role. Sure, she has slip-ups, but she stays afloat and she’s not being over the top. She’s chill and convincing, yet you as the audience can tell she’s trying to appear masculine. Her lines are witty and she’s sharp. Someone has something to say, she’ll be able to backtrack and answer with a joke or sarcasm quickly. I like smart characters.

Another point, the way women are written in this film. A lot of women in this film are treated like shit, but it’s probably a realistic depiction of the 80s. Everyone is talking about dating and sex, it seems to be the only topic the women in this film speak about, unless they are Terry. Terry seems to be the only character in this film whose main goal is not romance or sex. She strives to be a reporter, she wants to prove herself, and she rejects the advances upon her frequently. Whether it’s the boys asking her on dates in halls, or her own boyfriend attempting to seduce her when her parents aren’t home, she doesn’t put them above herself, yet she still lets them down easily, unless they become more pushy (case in point, her boyfriend, Kevin, in the beginning). She can stand up for herself, but she’s not the only one. Her best friend, Denise is one of the many women looking for love, nevertheless, she holds standards. I will admit, I didn’t like Denise’s acting in the beginning; she’s not a great character, but even she manages to reject men’s advances constantly. She’s not afraid to say it bluntly and she expresses her true emotions when certain guys try to ask her out. She tells it to them straight, and I respect her for that (despite her lack of empathy for some). Terry’s brother is constantly hitting on Denise, but she stands her ground. She doesn’t hit him or curse him out, she spins words around him and always lead back to the key word “no.”

This is my third, and maybe final point, (because I’m not great at writing but I’m starting to get tired) the way they handle sexual orientation. It seems if you’re going to make a film about a cross-dressing woman who falls in love with a man, you have to discuss sexuality and this film is not afraid to. That was my biggest beef with StM, when Viola confessed her love to Duke, the made it blatantly clear that it was “weird” and “unusual”; the editing and music cuts. It was done for comedic purposes, but in that moment, it just made me cringe. Even when the principal marched onto the field during the big match to expose Sebastian as “the woman he was all along,” he used a big megaphone and said to the whole crowd this man is in fact a girl. If it were to happen in the real world, and this character was a trans male, that would be traumatizing and so so insensitive. I couldn’t help thinking the way they handled the reveal in StM was poor and shitty.

But with JOotG (just one of the guys)? It’s done respectfully. Throughout the film, Buddy, Terry’s younger, sex-obsessed brother (I have thoughts on this character), often refers to Terry as a transvestite or sexually confused. They make references about her dating other women and jokes. It’s not treated like taboo, but just something people normally talk about, and as a questioning kid when I first watched the film, I really needed that. Although it was used for jokes, the fact that it wasn’t treated like a silent topic made me think more of it and discover who I was; it was media like this that made me accept myself.

Even with the reveal. Kevin, Terry’s boyfriend (or ex boyfriend by the end), stomps up to Terry after she’s wrestled with the school bully and was dumped into the waves at prom. Rick, who’s been Terry’s friend (and is the male lead) throughout her time at his high school, immediately questions who Kevin is and he responds with a harsh and sure “Terry’s boyfriend.” Of course, that doesn’t expose Terry as female, but makes Rick assume she’s a homosexual. But instead of calling her weird or replying negatively, he answers Kevin’s question calmly and says he’s just a friend. There is no prejudice, no disgust, Rick is shocked, but that’s expected. Furthermore, this reveal not only does not alienate homosexuality, it puts the center of focus on the main characters rather than have the whole audience/prom witness this exchange. Sure, the rest of the school is watching but the camera never pans over to them, and even then, Terry drags Rick away from the crowds to a secluded area to explain more.

Even once they’re secluded, Rick doesn’t yell at her or is homophobic. He just says “I understand, you’re gay.” As we know, Terry is not in fact gay and she reveals this to him in a similar fashion as StM, at least it’s not flashing a whole crowd. But the thing that hits me, is the fact that it’s not used as a joke or for comedy. Throughout the film, they’ve mentioned homosexuality and being transgender, but it was used as a light-hearted joke (nothing insulting or derogatory). In this moment, it’s not a joke, and it’s the bare minimum for a emotional scene like this, but it always hits me.

Of course, Rick gets justifiably mad that he’s been deceived and he storms off. Terry’s flaw catches up to her here, as she kisses him in front of the prom guests, stubborn to make him realize how much she cares. ( I didn’t agree with this action to be frank, I cringed ). The crowd gasps and it’s the usual reaction to a homosexual kiss and Rick just pulls back, says “It’s alright everyone, he’s got tits,” and leaves with Deborah.

In true romantic comedy fashion, life moves on. Terry gets the job at the Sun-Tribune after writing her article about posing as a guy and everyone who was longing for love in the beginning has found it, except Terry. The ending, however, is Rick coming back for her after a couple (days? Weeks? Idk all I know is it’s summer by the time he comes back, how much space between prom and summer?) and they kiss, go on a date and all is good.

Now after writing this long ass post, I’ve come to realize the main reason I like this film. Sure, Terry is a good character (not morally sometimes, but she’s interesting to watch), the way women are presented also is good, but my main source of affection for this film (in comparison to StM) is the way they handle the switching of genders. I’m gender fluid, I don’t always like being a woman or a man, I switch almost daily and half the time can’t decide if I want to grow out my hair or cut it. Seeing Terry, originally a woman, manage to convince people she was a guy made me wish I could do it too. It made me realize, I don’t always like being a woman. I want to be a guy sometimes, and I want that to be accepted. It was media like this, like Ouran High School Host Club, like Bare: A Pop Opera, that made me understand my gender and sexuality. (Even media that didn’t have any relation to LGBTQ+ helped).

When I first heard of “She’s the Man”, I had hoped it would be like these pieces of media. And it wasn’t. It was an alright film, but made me feel disappointed and somewhat let down. And that’s why I just prefer Just One of the Guys. Maybe it wouldn’t float in today’s political climate, maybe I’m wrong for seeing these points as reasons it’s one of my favorites, but its still better than StM and is one of my favourite films.

[artificial-ascension]

Murder Park

Deathnottober day 2, murder. L drags A and B to an amusement park but then someone gets murdered so they step in to solve it.

(Story time: So on October 2nd, I was out of town because we were going to an amusement park in Ohio. And I have all these prompts saved on my phone for each day by just the prompt name meaning on that day, I woke up and checked my phone and I had a notification for ‘murder.’ My brother also got that notification because Google calendar dumb. So we all joke about me scheduling a murder with Google calendar and it’s a reoccurring joke all day and then I got the bright idea to have someone be murdered at an amusement park and call it a DN fic. The wrench thing is also relevant because we were talking about wrenches in line at one point and my brother asked my dad if the big wrench in his garage could kill someone. So here we are. Also because I just don’t think we talk about L CANONICALY liking roller coasters enough.)

Alias note: A is using Alan and B is using Belvedere because I don’t think B is capable of just going by like ‘Blake’ like has to be some dramatic ass name.

@deathnotetober

A and B were both extremely pissed off. L was taking a weekend off and had decided to go to an amusement park and wanted A and B to come with him. A and B would’ve declined. However, Watari forced them to go, so now, they stood at the front of the park they didn’t even want to go to.

“Let’s go to the back of the park first to avoid lines.” L said in his monotone voice.

“Sure, whatever.” A grumbled.

B said nothing but instead stared at L menacingly.

They walked through the park, looking around at the decor, which was Halloween-themed as it was fall, much to A and B’s liking as it was their favorite holiday, and seeing the park decked out in skeletons and other spooky things made them a bit happier. They got to a ride in the very back, and L was right, no line. They kept doing that until about mid-day when the lines were sufficiently long no matter where they went. Now they had to stand in line and wait. After they were finished waiting, they sat down for a drink as it was sweltering out, and poor albino A was wearing long sleeves. Plus, they’d been walking or standing for 1 ½ hours with the only times to sit being on rollercoasters where they were constantly tossed around at high speeds.

After their break, they pushed on, being dragged around by L the entire time. Both of them were considering killing him somehow, but that would make A the new L, and he wasn’t ready for that. They ate lunch after a while, which was actually quite enjoyable. Then they rode more rides. At about 6:30, they were in line for the last rollercoaster on their list. The sun was setting, and the air was cooling, much to A’s happiness.

“This time, I get to sit next to A.” B asserted. B’s least favorite part of this was that rollercoasters tend to pair people in groups of 2 or 4, not 3. He was the one who had to sit next to strangers seeing as L always wanted to sit beside A even though A was HIS boyfriend.

“Mhm… yes sure….” L hardly acknowledged B as he was too busy inspecting some of the bolts keeping the ride anchored to the concrete ground.

Once they were on the ride, it was dark, and they got to see the park at night. The lights were lit up, and fog machines covered it in a hazy mist giving it an early look. It was quite the sight. Once they were down, they got to enjoy nighttime on the ground. They walked back to a plaza that contained A’s favorite decorations, a creepy pirate ship. The fog was very thick there, and employees were walking around dressed as zombie pirates scaring people. Three of them all decided that if they were jump scared, they’d either kick the person or cry, so they all walked around the fog cloud. 

This proved to be a good idea as when they were walking away; they heard a blood-curdling scream. Which, considering a bunch of people were being jump scared, that shouldn’t be too weird. However, A recognized the screaming voice as an employee, who were quite easy to identify even by voice as they were yelling complete jibberish rather than screaming in fear like the other park goers. A turned his head to the sound just in time to see another employee come out of the fog screaming incoherently. B gripped L’s hand in fear as his acute sense of smell picked up the strong tang of blood in the air.

“L,” B trembled, “I smell blood.”

“I think we’ve witnessed a crime.” L said, trying to sound nonchalant but B sounding slightly afraid and A clinging to his side made it hard for him not to be scared because, after all, A and B were not easily frightened.

L stepped back a bit and pulled A close to him. On the other hand, B had remembered he was a Wammys kid, so this was no time for him, of all people, to be scared. Although, he was just a bit fearful that the killer would come after them next. Though that was not the case as once the chaos died down and someone turned on the fog machine to see what had happened, they saw a gruesome scene in front of them with no killer in sight.

A corpse of a young woman laid there, her head smashed in from the side pouring blood and brain matter onto the pavement. Guests screamed in disgust, and the street devolved into complete chaos until park security came and roped the area off. L, A, and B had watched the entire scene play out and stepped forwards after everyone had calmed down.

“Excuse me,” L said, raising a hand, “We three happen to be detectives. We can handle this.” 

The park security was more than suspicious at that claim until L pulled out a fake FBI badge he kept on him for times like these, “We’re FBI. Child prodigies. We’d like to take a look at this crime scene.”

The security members looked at each other for a moment, then decided to take L’s word and let them inspect the body. B knelt next to the corpse and examined the wound, putting his forensics and CSI training to good use. L and A stood by waiting for an opinion from B, considering he was one of the few kids who specialized in forensic pathology rather than actual deductive work.

“Alan, what do you think?” L asked with his thumb placed on his lip.

A raised an eyebrow at his alias being used but answered non the less, “I think we need to question the employees and people she was here with, but more importantly, not let anyone leave the park.”

“And why do you say that?” L prodded some more. He already knew why A’d make that call; he just wanted to make sure A knew why he made that call.

“Checking with the employees is obvious along with interviewing the people she was herewith. Making sure no one leaves the park is so we don’t lose any suspects. I’m mostly interested in keeping the employees here, though.” A said coldly.

“Oh,” L turned his head to A, “And why employees?”

“It’s just- a shot in the dark… is all….” A trailed off. A had an issue with making claims with no basis and wild leaps of faith during investigations. He knew L didn’t operate like that, but it was just in his nature to do it.

“Well, Alan is right.” B interrupted as he stood up, “This wound was made by a hard, slim object hitting the skull with tremendous force. My suggestion would be a wrench and a large one at that.”

“Right… And no one brings wrenches to an amusement park unless they need to work on something, which points to an employee who works in Maintenence or, at the very least, has access to a tool room.” A said, looking back to L for approval.

“Yes, that’s what I’d say s the most likely conclusion.” L said calmly.

A smiled, knowing L thought his deduction was correct, “So then we should question the employees here?” A asked.

“Yes, you work on that while I speak to her part members. Belvedere, you keep looking at the corpse.” L said, referring to B using his alias as well.

B was a little angry he was being demoted to corpse inspection, but he was fine with that. He enjoyed the dead bodies. A took a deep breath and approached the employees who were dressed up at the time and spoke to them all, trying to get as much information out of them as possible. Likewise, L spoke to the girl’s party. Afterward, the two met up again to discuss.

“So, what did you get?” A asked.

“She was a college student from out of town here with her boyfriend, who is also not from this area. She had no contacts here, so there’s n reason anyone in the area should have a grudge against her. And you?” L responded, immediately assuming A was looking for connections, which he was.

“The employees say everyone who works in this part of the park has access to at least one tool room, so no one is ruled out except for the few who were out in costume as they wouldn’t have had time to retrieve a wrench while working here. It is to be noted, however, that the employee who screamed when the corpse was discovered had a reputation among the others as a bit of a promiscuous lady, so plenty of other employees had a reason to hate her, considering the relationship drama. That, combined with what you said, makes me believe that an upset coworker killed our victim accidentally while the real target was the employee who first discovered the body.” A said proudly.

“Impressive….” L mumbled, “Now we just need to find who did it from our list of suspects.”

“Right, I think we should figure out what size wrench killed her. Considering not everyone has access to every tool room, and each one contains different tools for each ride.” A turned to B, “Any idea as to what size wrench we’re dealing with, Belvedere?”

“Judging from my measurements, it should be a… 4? I would fit what I believe is roughly a 3 inch bolt. That’s what Google told me.” B shrugged.

A and L scowed at him.

“I’m GAY. I don’t know anything about tools!” B yelled.

The two of them rolled their eyes, “Well, what ride would use that size?” A asked.

“The ride we were just on, of course. The paint was chipped around the bolts at the bottom of the ride in a way that resembled the marks left by a wrench. This is unlike the other bolts on other rides, which are painted over perfectly, meaning only that one was receiving constant maintenance. Conveniently, those bolts were 3 inches in diameter.” L stated his own deduction this time without having A explain his thoughts—this time, A mentally kicked himself for not noticing that minor detail. He shouldn’t have, but he didn’t while L did. Just another way, L was still much better than him.

“Ah, perfect!” A turned to the employees, “Are there any people who work on that ride,” A pointed to it as he did not know its name, “Who would have a grudge against our intended victim?”

“Well, Steve would. He’s kind of a creep. If it were anyone, it’d be him.” one of them said.

A turned back at L and smiled. L nodded his head in approval. They had a suspect, just in time too, the cops had arrived, and the three reported their findings before leaving. The park had to be closed early, but it was starting to rain, so they didn’t want to stick around. L bought the two of them some things from the shops, and they all went back to their hotel.

“So A, noticed you were pretty scared there.” B teased.

“Shut up, so were you.” A replied.

“You both had a good reason to be. I’ll admit even I was startled by such an event.” L said.

“Whatever… I was scared. But I had you two, so I’m fine.” A rolled over, trying to hide his blush.

“Aw, you trust us to protect you? That’s adorable. I’m touched.” B placed a hand on his heart.

L sat down next to the two of them on the bed, “B, you were trembling, so really I was the one protecting you two.” “Yes, it’s a miracle we all made it.” B rolled his eyes.

“You’re very ungrateful. I saved your life back there, you know.” L was joking, but it seemed hard to tell with his monotone. Though A and B could tell, seeing as they were used to it.

 A hugged L, “Well, I’m grateful.” he said before kissing L on the cheek and then laying down, “Good night. I’m tired.” 

L touched his cheek as his face went a bit pink, “Good night, A….” 

“I’m also tired.” B said before crawling under his blanket, “Good night, L.”

“Good night, Beyond.” L moved to get off their bed, but A stopped him.

“L,” A asked, “Could you sleep in our bed? To protect us?” A said in a half-joking manner.

L understood what A meant, though, and climbed in between the two. A curled up against him immediately. B took a minute before deciding he also wanted to cuddle and nuzzled into L’s back.

In the morning, L was watching the morning news before A and B woke up. The story of the amusement park murder came on, and he learned that Steve had been arrested where he confessed to the murder. A was right in his deduction, aside from the small part where L had figured out the ride staff to look at. However, that was a very small detail, though he hoped A didn’t beat himself up over it. Either way, they both did a fine job solving it. L turned off the tv and laid back down between his two succors, deciding to get some more time in with them before he had to leave them again.

[ifyoulovemeletmebinge]

Why do you hate Joey? And please don't spoil beyond season 2 for me.

hi! 

this is my first ever ask so this is kinda cool alrighty get ready bc this is going to be a LONG post. i’ll try my best to avoid spoilers. 

why i dislike joey potter from dawson’s creek: 

ok so I think what my growing hatred for Joey Potter mainly boils down to is just the fact that she is the type of character who has no personality, she is simply empty. when she does want something it’s because it helps her only, and she’s very selfish. this is hard to explain in the context of s2 which is where you are, but i am almost done with the last season and i feel this is where her character has turned to focus on over the course of the entire show. 

i will say, i completely respect other’s opinion of joey, mine is just that she’s not my favorite by any means in the show. i actually think she’s my least favorite. so i’ll try to explain that! 

let’s start with s1: 

- i actually enjoyed joey a lot in s1, i thought she was fun! she’s sassy and her “im beautful yet unaware of it” thing kinda worked. this aspect of her only works in the beginning though (since she’s young and that’s the entire point of being beautiful and young) and something i find aggravating about later seasons is this continued theme of unawareness that doesn’t fit with her character anymore. by that point, SHE SHOULD KNOW SHE’S HOT OKAY. 

- another s1 point is her relationship with Dawson. i was a strong shipper until ~certain future events~ happened because i liked them together. Girl Next Door is in love with Best Friend who’s oblivious to it, it’s a cute trope! i think for the first season, their focus on Joey’s suffering from just recently discovering her feelings for Dawson and trying to navigate them made for a good complex storyline for the Lead Female of the show. there was an exploration of female sentiment there that i personally haven’t seen a lot of, so i was interested. her relationship with Dawson in s1 was overall pretty good bc it set up excellent foundations character and plot wise for the show. 

- my only criticism (more like character-choice-to-eye-roll-to) for her relationship with Dawson in s1 is her treatment of Jen because of it. we all know Dawson falls for Jen super quick and that’s not his fault or Jen’s or Joey’s yet she chooses to blame Jen and antagonizes her the whole season because of it. basically, she was a bitch to Jen. now, that’s not to say that it didn’t make sense because it did, and i think it worked well since we need some Conflict here, but thinking back on it now after watching almost the whole show, her choices and behaviors towards Jen in s1 shift from a childish jealously funny thingy to outright unlikeable aspect of her character that is only built upon as the seasons continue. i would argue this is the beginning spark or preview into the Bitch she will eventually become. 

moving on to s2: i personally don’t remember much about joey from s2 bc my brain is Pacey Witter centered and he really shined during s2 so i apologize if i get something wrong, i’m outside my lane here teehee

- i feel that joey’s character in s2 starts it’s shift into Bitch Land and also Lost Land. this is where i feel they started to lose control of her, but something i find interesting about that is that the loss of control is extremely subtle up to the point where when you finally look back in retrospect, you can find those seeds being planted as early as s2. 

- let’s tackle her relationship with Dawson in s2. there’s a lot to unpack here, but let’s start with the fact that it started REALLY WELL!!! our queen was getting the boy of her dreams!!!!!!!!!!! and good for her, but ofc, because this is a tv show and they need drama for the ratings (i’m guessing :)) everything falls apart very quickly. i would also argue that the choice they made to break Dawson and Joey up in s2 was very definitive and formative for her character for the rest of the series; the seeds were planted when they broke up. 

- her reasons for breaking up with Dawson were understandable **at first** in my opinion, there wasn’t much reason at all to break up with him. yes, she needed to find herself (just like any young person does), but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t do it with Dawson. i actually thought they would do great at discovering her together, because i think Dawson is supportive and sensitive enough to help her. her excuse that she can’t do her art while dating Dawson was bullcrap. i could go on and on about why that is, but the best evidence of it is the fact that she hopped from Dawson to Jack with no hard feelings and continued with her art the same as before. her art didn’t get any better when she switched boyfriends so she really can’t use it as a scapegoat to explain breaking up with Dawson. 

- this break-up and then her romance with Jack is what really gets me about her in s2 though. i think Dawson actually commented on it: she wanted to be alone to find herself, but then she started dating Jack almost immediately after that decision. this is where Joey first starts contradicting herself. this is where she first starts her ever-running theme of not knowing what she wants from her life at any point in time. for inexplainable reasons, her character is confused and she has to lead everyone else along and confuse them with her. honestly, poor Dawson. she both Wants and Doesn’t Want things, and her inability to stick to one is annoying to watch. and it only gets worse! 

- her mistreatment of Jen continues, but what really gets me about her treatment of other characters in s2 is her relationship with Jack after he comes out. Jack has become one of my favorite characters in the show and his coming-out arc is (in my opinion) done extremely well for a gay character at that time. we don’t even have arcs like those THESE DAYS OF THE 21ST CENTURY WTFF!!!!!! it’s also a very important arc to me. i can’t cite all the evidence, but her friendship with him after he comes out is so messed up. she constantly acts like that weird Straight Girl Who Needs a Gay Best Friend. fucked up. she always apologizes and goes back on it after Jack has to snap at her multiple times, but it still makes her unlikable and inconsiderate to anyone but herself. Joey starts showing through her relationship with Jack that she only cares about herself. when she was dating him, she did it to feel good about HER art not because she really truly liked him, and when he came out, she wanted him to be a Stereotypical Gay Man for HERSELF, not because it was what Jack wanted, and he outright told her various times. she’s selfish. she doesn’t care about breaking Dawson’s heart and using Jack, she only sees her own benefit when she’s playing with these boys as if they’re not real people with feelings. this is another running theme that worsens her character throughout the seasons. 

- by the end of s2 i think her and Dawson are back together (i’m honestly not sure i was invested in Pacey <3) but then the whole thing with her dad happens and that was really interesting to me. her decision to breakup with Dawson in the s2 finale after what he did.... MADE SENSE. i was kind of sad about it, but it was right!!!!! she had to do that!!!! she went through a lot of trauma bc of it and being with Dawson would just remind her of it, it wasn’t fair to her!!!!! i thought, hmmm this is the cataclysm of their relationship here again. this would allow her to finally find herself after being lost all of s2 and then she can be with Dawson again. it was all set up to match together perfectly. s3 proved me wrong :) but that’s for another post. 

Joey is, at her core, an empty shell of a character. she starts off well and full of personality, but either bc of writing choices, or the audience reaction at the time they made this show, those aspects of her character start chipping away and she just becomes this unattainable sorcerer of men, who’s too good for any boy, but never good enough to be by herself. this is not the type of woman i personally enjoy watching, it gets tough watching her break everyone’s heart one by one just bc she “doesn’t know, isn’t sure.” it’s repetitive and makes for crappy drama effect. it’s frustrating. 

i’m sorry this is so long, i hope this makes it clear why she’s my least favorite character in Dawson’s Creek. again, i respect all opinions of her character. hey! if you love Joey Potter, then cool for you!!!! she’s just not that character for me, and looking just at s1-2, these are my reasons why. 

[therewrites]

We Are Who We Are Overall Thoughts *spoilers*

This review will be discussing briefly some of the episodes so far, so SPOILERS

So I started watching the HBO original series, We Are Who We Are, and I am conflicted. When I initially watched it, the dialogue made it hard for me to enjoy it so I stopped. Then after a couple of weeks after its airing, I thought, what the hell? And this time, I was pleasantly surprised. I always maintain the belief that pilot episodes are either boring, messy, or just bad so I try to push past it in order to get to the good shit. The pilot for We Are Who We Are was...I’m not sure how to explain...different? It certainly wasn’t bad and it made an impression on me, but this show as a whole is hard to limit by just a few words. It’s really something that you should watch and experience yourself.

It was only after the first 3 episodes that I began to understand the tone and mood that Luca Guadagnino was trying to convey. A lot of the time, the dialogue is abrupt and choppy and can make no sense. It can be frustrating, especially when you have two characters that aren’t communicating effectively. But I think that was the point. Guadagnino is a very realistic director, he captures the most realistic elements in a film. A lot of the conversations between characters is meant to emulate real life. Like, what the hell do you say when a conversation becomes awkward? Well, nothing sometimes.

While Guadagnino’s typical cinematography may suggest whimsy, in WAWWA’s case the small structured and synthetic model of the military base is juxtaposed to the very concrete characters. When I started to view the show less as simply a televised airing of fictional characters and problems, and instead looked at them as people, I began to really enjoy it. 

Take the main character of Fraser, played by Jack Dylan Grazer. Fraser is meant to be seen as an extremely complex and troubled kid, but the difference between him and every other teen in a coming-of-age drama is that he isn’t polished. His drinking and drug habit isn’t framed as romantic or beautiful, in fact most of the time it’s portrayed as his weakness of sorts. In the first episode, Fraser has one of his mothers drive him home after getting pretty wasted and Luca graces us with a direct shot of him throwing up. And before that, Fraser is stumbling on a bridge when he drunkenly falls and cuts his face. Everything the character does is messy, uncoordinated, yet extremely real and relatable. Hell, in one shot you can clearly see him do a Naruto run!

Caitlin/Harper is a character that I enjoyed watching, as well. Jordan Seamon did a fantastic job and I really connected with their character. Initially we see Caitlin as this mysterious girl, and in the pilot we are meant to assume that their relationship with Fraser is supposed to develop into a romantic one. This is not the case as it seems that Caitlin is trying to come to terms with who they are. The biggest shift in Caitlin’s character isn’t their friendship with Fraser but probably when they get their period. 

This was a moment that even I related to, even though I am cis when I first got my period I didn’t tell my mom until the day after. The possible confusion and shift in their reality that Caitlin felt was only heightened with the conflict of their boyfriend wanting to be more physically intimate, and Fraser’s eventual discover of Harper. I would have like to see exactly why Fraser seemed drawn to Caitlin. I’m assuming viewers were supposed to think that Fraser is attracted to her, or something. But both Caitlin/Harper and Fraser are queer coded and their respective sexualities are alluded to not being straight. It would’ve made their standing as platonic friends more clear if this had been established stronger. 

I definitely think the writer could have devoted more time to giving certain characters proper conversations. It would’ve given more development to certain characters and better context for things. However even without that, there is a lot that the audience is showed that can’t be told through dialogue. The power struggle between Sarah and Richard being one. So far, there hasn’t been any explanation as to why they have a such a volatile relationship other than Richard being a homophobe. 

Through deeper inspection, I was able to interpret it as: Richard may heavily resent the fact the Sarah was promoted to Colonel and not him. It is never made clear who has the better credentials, Sarah or Richard, but assuming that she was the one promoted it is a safe guess. This may be highlighted by the fact that Sarah is a women, and also gay. Even before episode 7, it was clear that Richard did not respect her authority. I also interpreted it as Richard being upset that and openly gay women was promoted instead of him, a black man. 

Of course this is just based on my own personal knowledge of how the U.S. military can be towards people of color and LGBTQ+. Regardless, the competitive tension between two parents is palpable without needing dialogue to explain.  

When conflict happens, I can kind of figure out which characters are going to react and which one’s will stay silent. I think the show is trying to accomplish a drastically realistic and raw series. It took me while to adjust to it, but by maybe the 2nd or 3rd episode, it starts to grow on you. Despite not liking a good majority of the characters, I was very surprised by how invested I was in them. 

Like, Danny is my least favorite character because he displays very abusive and explosive tendencies, and doesn’t seem to care about the world around him. However, getting glimpses into his character and seeing how Richard ignores him for Caitlin/Harper, his suicidal thoughts, and how he is trying to reclaim his cultural and religious background makes me empathize with him. 

Even though I hate his character, I can see that he is struggling. I appreciate the way that this show freely shows dark skinned black boys dealing with mental health issues, and personal development. Rarely are issues like suicide talked about in the black community, so seeing Danny talk about it and Craig offering(admittedly poor)comfort was touching. This is a general vibe that I get from nearly all the characters on WAWWA. I also appreciated the how Danny is actively trying to convert to Islam. In shows, rarely is Islam ever portrayed in a positive manner. Especially when female characters are shown to be struggling with their religion, Islam is shown as this barrier that prevents them from living life. Hopefully it goes without saying that the “taking off the hijab” as a way to show that a female character is “liberated” is overplayed and does not offer any respect to the countless Muslim women who choose to wear hijabs. 

Now I think the pacing of some of the storylines could have been handled a bit more gracefully. Like how we jump from Fraser and Harper being kind of enemies(not really but you know what I mean), to just them hanging out in Richard’s boat was jarring. I would have at least liked to see the scene of them talking on the rocks at the beach. It would’ve given more insight on Caitlin/Harper’s character and also on Fraser too. Also how quickly Maggie and Lu(Jennifer but I love the name Lubaba, it’s my aunt’s name)jump into a physical affair. I just would have liked to see a build up of tension between all these characters but I don’t think this entirely ruins the plot. 

I was very iffy when I learned that the show would be focusing on trans identity and gender and sexuality, but not actually hire a trans male actor. I was afraid that the show would completely botch the experiences of being transgender, and honestly I don’t have the authority to speak on whether or not this affects the quality of the show. I am cisgender, and only can empathize with this particular situation as much as I can. But I would like to hear to the opinion of someone who is trans and elaborate on the ways that they did/didn’t like Jordan Kristine Seamón’s portrayal. 

Now at the time I’m writing this, the season finale has yet to come out. But I’d also like to briefly discuss the most recent episode and how it developed Jonathan and Fraser’s relationship. I was VERY worried that Guadagnino was going to take their relationship in the direction of inappropriate. While nearly all the depictions of Jonathan and his actions have been trough Fraser’s pov, it didn’t stop me from side-eyeing some of the interactions they shared. Of course after it was mentioned that Jonathan was supposed to be in his late 20s, nearing 30 I was immediately uncomfortable with the very flirty behavior he exhibited. 

So when the scene of Fraser going up to his apartment after Craig’s death, I was very on edge. If Guadagnino had gone the extra mile to show an even larger age gap then I would’ve been pissed. While I enjoyed Call Me By Your Name, the implication that sexual relationships between barely legal teenagers and adults well into their 20s was sensual is something that I see as very weird now that I’m older. So seeing Jonathan as the object of Fraser’s affections made me extremely warry. 

And honestly, I’m still surprised that the scene even happened in its entirety. I’m sure that Jack was not in any danger of being exploited but there were definitely points while watching I thought, what the fuck is going on? I was very worried that it would escalate, but I was happy to see that Fraser was the one who stopped it from going further.  It made sense to me that this scene took so many liberties to be as graphic as possible without being too graphic, in order to show why a situation like that would be scary and confusing for Fraser. It wasn’t lost to me that Marta and Jonathan were the one’s initiating all the sexual advances. They held all the power in that scenario, even more so because Fraser is younger and has the tendencies to not make the best decisions. Though it seemed that Fraser was trying, he knew that the situation was fucked up.

I’d like to hear what JDG felt and thought doing this scene. What was his character’s thought process?

I’ve seen a lot of people compare the show heavily to CMBYN, which is fine. Besides certain cinematic parallels that people pointed out, I don’t see the clear comparison. CMBYN is more of a love story and it’s more polished than WAWWA. Now when I say tat, I don’t mean it as a negative. Rather, We Are Who We is obviously more devoted to realism and its characters. I appreciate the inclusion of more LGBTQ+ people and black main characters with development, something that CMBYN lacked. And for some people who didn’t like the show based solely on the fact that it wasn’t a CMBYN tv show, I suggest just going into it with no expectations and enjoy the mess. 

And I’d also like to take a moment to commend Jack Dylan Grazer for his job in We Are Who We Are. All of the main cast are amazing actors and actresses and did a really good job bringing their characters to life. Though, I had always associated JDG with supporting roles that, while highlighted his acting talent, only put him in a one-dimensional light. As good as It 2017 was, JDG’s role of Eddie is only meant to be seen as a comic relief. In WAWWA, I was able to forget that he was teen actor, Jack Dylan Grazer, and really see him as Fraser. It’s worth mentioning that in a GQ interview, Grazer also mentioned how this role made him reevaluate is approach to acting. 

And after reading an interview he did with a Interview Germany, with him saying he spent months in Italy reading the script and trying to perfectly craft this character, I was immensely impressed. I hope that he knows that all his hard work payed off and made a really dynamic and interesting character. I really hope that in the future JDG continues with more mature or multi-dimensional roles because he displayed that he has the talent to do so. Him being so young makes me optimistic in knowing that he is definitely going places in his career. I also hope that there will be a season 2 of WAWWA because despite having hour long episodes, the show still felt way too short. There is a lot about Fraser’s character, and all the others’ characters, that I want more information and analysis on.

[musicalreader17]

Bare: a pop opera moments that made me cry

It’s basically the entire musical and I haven’t checked for errors but enjoy reading this very long list and feel free to add any moments I missed out!

Epiphany:

- When bare melody starts to play under the priest talking

- Matt’s part in no voice being in epiphany

- ‘Live by our voices’

You & I:

- The first line comparing them being gay to predators ‘hey little boy would you like a ride’

- ‘Forever you and I’ at the end

Role of a Lifetime:

- ‘Everything’s an act when you’re pleasing everyone’

- ‘Play pretend and once again reprise our roles’

- ‘Never really saying what you mean’

- The key change at navigate this maze

- ‘In the silence will he stay’

Auditions:

- ‘Hear my voice’

- ‘No never mind we have to go’

- ‘For stony limits cannot hold love out’

Plain Jane Fat Ass:

- ‘Dad will be excited’

- ‘I’m a caution for the vain’

- ‘Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role’

- ‘Hurt me, you can’t I have mounds of thick skin’

Wonderland:

- ‘God they’d never understand’

- ‘Life is as it ought to be’

- ‘Too much is a coma breathing slow till you choke’ foreshadowing

Quiet Night at Home:

- ‘Life is lived on other stages’

- ‘Pain adores me god ignores me’

Best Kept Secret:

- ‘All I ever want is there in your eyes’

- ‘To see how deep the world can cut’

- ‘You’re such a coward. And you’re a fool’

- ‘We can’t go on forever all this forever can’t we live for today’ but Jason is the one who introduces ‘forever’ in you & I

Confession:

- Hear my voice tune before Matt and peter go in and when they leave

- ‘If I ever told you’

Portrait of a Girl:

- ‘Now the portrait has captured the girl’

- ‘Add shadows that dance across her skin’

- ‘Stripped bare beneath all the layers would you recognise the girl lying there’

Birthday, Bitch!:

- ‘Why are you so happy’

- Ever after playing at ‘I want to go back to the rave’

- ‘Like what? Like your boyfriend’

One Kiss:

- ‘Why should I be frightened’

- ‘You do know I’m misunderstood’

- The kiss at the end

Are You There?:

- ‘Wish you didn’t hurt so much you cried’

- ‘And if it’s in your power how can you sit idly by’

- ‘They said that things would get better but I guess they lied’

- End of the song is the melody for bare

Reputation Stain’d:

- ‘I need to tell her and I need you to be with me when I do it’

- Jason’s rant when Peter asks him what he’s doing for spring break ‘yes let’s tell your mother so she can call my mother...’

- The argument

- The push

Ever After:

- Just the entire song

- The tempo and melody change from Peter singing to Jason

- ‘You stand before me and I barely know you’

- ‘You slew all my giants ignoring your own’

- ‘You’re such a fool’

- ‘There’s no such thing as heroes who are queer’

- ‘You can’t be the same boy Ive followed’

- ‘You’ve hurt me more than you know’

One:

- ‘But why? There’s something about you Jason’

- ‘Kiss you is what I’m supposed to do’

- ‘Lie with me’

- ‘God you have such pretty eyes’

- ‘Once I had a hero I guess he couldn’t stay’

Wedding Bells:

- See me tune playing at the start

- Bare playing under the vows

- ‘Forever’ sounds like a recurring echo

Touch My Soul:

- ‘Lonely blue eyes’

- ‘Yeah...once’

- ‘I wish to god I felt that way’

- All grown up music at the end

See Me:

- ‘Mom this is important mom you need to listen’

- ‘Mom you need to see me’

- Key change

- ‘Mother you know nothing of them’

- ‘You don’t want to hear it you don’t want to see me can’t bear to see me’

- ‘Open your eyes’

- ‘Please see me’

Warning:

- ‘Did I ever know my son at all’

- ‘Lost in words I cannot say’

- ‘All alone and scared’

- ‘His father will die’

- ‘I don’t want their pity I just want my son’

Pilgrims Hands:

- ‘Lest... lest faith turn to despair’

God Don’t Make No Trash:

- ‘Some folks will act the fool’

- ‘Love is love love is truth’

- The hug

- Absolution music

- ‘If you hide from yourself be someone else for someone else’s sake that would be the greatest mistake’

- ‘Gods got your back and so do I’

- Sister Chantelle was the only person to say gay in the entire show

All Grown Up:

- the entire song just makes me bawl

- ‘Poor ivy stuck wanting the one thing she can’t have’

- ‘Memories that fade and flicker burn again when I pretend’

- ‘Times have changed they rearrange’

- ‘Life is there to interrupt’

- ‘Dream a dream then dash another’

- ‘Story ends in total damage. It’s an unforgiving world’

Promise:

- ‘You have no idea what I’m going through’

- Tune of ever after

- ‘You wanted real well god you give them that’

- Reputation stain’d mimicking

- ‘I’m sorry... No. You know what I’m not’

- ‘I need you to help me. I tried’

- No voice at the end

Once Upon a Time:

- ‘Once upon a time I first held held your hand and love was not a crime’

- ‘Trapped alone here’

- ‘Cold church soul search’

- ‘Could you really love someone like me’

- ‘It’s so hard’

Cross:

- ‘I’ve tried to be strong I’ve tried to belong’

- ‘I can’t I can’t’

- ‘Not okay not for me’

- ‘I’m in such a desperate place’

- ‘I don’t belong I always thought this was wrong’

- ‘Am I okay is it okay’

- Bare playing at the end

Two Households:

- Role of a lifetime plays when Lucas gives Jason the drugs

- Role of a lifetime ‘what if we escape this’

- ‘Just think about it please’

- Hear my voice tune when Jason takes the drugs

Bare:

- The entire song knowing Jason is going to die

- ‘How did I unlearn the truth you have to me’

- ‘The moment of truth when I knew who I was’

- ‘A parting of souls as I try to move on’

- ‘I’ve never been this bare’

- ‘Knowing who we have to be’

- ‘We’re Forever you and I’

- ‘Please understand that I tried’

- ‘It’s not goodbye’

- ‘Here in a world where there’s safety in falsehood I have discovered the one thing that’s real’

- ‘That I love you’

- ‘Please know I loved you’

- The kiss at the end

Queen Mab:

- ‘Tis no wit to go’

- All the references to dreams

- ‘And sleeps again’

- ‘Peace, Mercutio peace’

- ‘God Jason you’re flying’

- Bare playing

- Jason collapsing

- Peter removing his mask as Jason dies

A Glooming Peace:

- The lyrics

- No backing music

Absolution:

- role of a lifetime music

- ‘You hid behind a screen knowing how much empathy might mean’

- ‘That’s natural’ - unlike how the church see their relationship

- ‘Did you know how much he loved’

- ‘Lost in the teachings was a boy so all alone and scared’

- ‘Nothing else brought me closer to god’

- ‘And I forgive you father’

No Voice:

- ‘I’ll leave a chair for you’

- ‘I never found the words to say always thought we’d talk some day’

- ‘How do I make sense of what I’ve gained and what I’ve lost’

- ‘Perfect mess’

- Matts speech coming back

- ‘If maybe we were silent or we had spoken’

- ‘All done in your name’ referring to god

- ‘How did a simple love get complicated’

- ‘In a world that’s quick to judge’

- ‘It’s so hard to find your way when you have no voice to guide you’

- Change from saying no to saying one

- ‘One voice’

- That cadence at the end leaving it open

[yyxgin]

dunnae worrae bestie ❣️ life gets in the way sometimes (and responsibilities)

okay so i just liked the kind of air to love alarm? idk it just made me feel like i was somewhere else bc i felt the production quality was that high. some of it was questionable i do agree w that but also song kang is total heart-eyes 😍 and meteor garden was sweet for like a minute each episode and the rest was me groaning in agony just wishing dong shancai would snipe daoming si’s mother. shancai did so much too?? like four episodes in she won a cooking competition against a girl who had literally been professionally training to impress one of the boys ✋ but shancai literally came from almost nothing. also — i’ve never been more frustrated w a drama than meteor garden like sis was literally dirt poor, came close to being evicted twice and her parents moved back to their fisherman hometown leaving her in shanghai (i think?) to make money bc they couldn’t afford the city but she had the newest phone 🛑✋

very early on in my kpop days i had no idea who to bias or however that worked and i was like ‘well i like stray kids i’ll just buy an album’ anyway one of the pc’s i pulled was a polaroid type thing for changbin and i said to my friend wow that’s such a boyfriend picture and that’s the story of how i ulted changbin. im so blasé about so much it’s worrying sometimes 🙀🙄✌️✌️ im not too bad about watching things. i used to struggle a lot but bc i’ve trained myself to read fast enough to see the subs and then flicker to the scene on screen so i don’t get bored. i do feel sometimes as if i am following when i’m looking at my phone but realistically i shouldn’t be this bold 😬

noice!! i’m still new to adulting but i’m p sure ive been at it for longer than i think. when i was fifteen and working in a hotel i was asked if when i was finished for the summer i was going back to uni 🤡 all i keep thinking about is finally having a job again and being able to spend an entire pay check on albums ngl i haven’t impulsively bought anything recently and i’m itching to be irresponsible w my money again 🤠 i know some girls who have preordered all the versions of dream and MAN am i tempted 😭😭😭 this is getting so out of hand at this point i’m going to have to strap myself to my bed until june this is not it ☹️

i have read for nct members certain members are more popular in like eastern us? i imagine it’s to encourage trading or to buy more albums so i could only guess that’s what’s happened to me w mamamoo 😭 theyre thé only gg i am properly into. i didn’t want to be thirsting over boys all the time bc... idk i just wanted some variation so mamamoo it was! twice is too many people for now (don’t even say but nct has 23, ik ik but i was only on my second group and i refused to acknowledge more than one unit for like 7 months bc i was scared) and blackpink has like 2 songs 🤡🤡 i added this bot called zephyr to my discord server and me and my friend roll for collectible kpop cards (it’s p neat and i’ve found groups i wouldn’t have been able to find myself otherwise) and she’s helped me discover so many groups! i think i was enjoying a fromis_9 song earlier <3

i’m always having good days these days 🥺 so i hope yours was good too!! also i don’t expect you to reply to these straight away (bc they’re unnecessarily long) i just try my best to reply straight away otherwise i’ll forget i even sent sumn in the first place! ~🌻

the production quality was definitely very high with love alarm, it looked so nice and aesthetic :(( but like,,the storyline ?? when they kissed in the first ep?? i- that was it for me. i couldnt watch it any longer. my best friend  finished it tho and i think she liked it,,so like-- fair.

PLEAAASE METEOR GARDEN SOUNDS SO MESSY i lowkey wanna watch it just for the shits and giggles now,,i can’t,,, like the cooking competition? that sounds like a fucking disney channel plot to a movie. i am all here for it tho

YOU HAVE A CHANGBIN POLAROID OKAY BESTIE I AM ON MY WAY TO ROB YOU NOW. DROP YOUR ADDRESS,,,DEADASS. AAAAH also i am bad at watching things to the point when i forget to turn on the subtitles sometimes and then get surprised when i dont understand a shit anD THATS when i realise somethings wrong. 

i am so new to adulting pls,, this is my first part time job and i also didn’t have a bank account until literally today. i am a babie,, i couldn’t even do things by myself like i can’t fucking order for myself in the restaurant because i am socially anxious hihi. bUT i figured working with people might help me get rid of that and i am also fullfiling my childhood dream of working behind the cash register now, so that’s cool. the only thing i need now is to graduate, go to uni and do my driver’s licence and then i’ll be adulting for real imo

i am really good with money surprisingly?? i dont spend much, because i dont have money lmao and when i do i keep it because i just like the thought of having money and not the actual spending. YOUR FRIEND BOUGHT ALL THE VERSIONS OF THE DREAM ALBUM??? LOWKEY ME FDKAJ no but fr i think i’m just gonna order the boring version once i start working because it fits my aesthetic the most and i love the concept photos. also if i pull that one specific renjun photocard i might just cry my eyes out but i’ll be happy with anyone bc i literally ult the entirity of dream at this point. 

ooh i dont really enjoy the sound of girlgroups i think ?? i need some noise if you know what i mean :( im not into like chill songs that much. bUT uhh i like itzy and i am gay for them pls. i also havent listened to their comeback yet so i am a fake fan i guess but i’ll fix that soon i prOMISE

i am doing well and i am also glad you are doing well !! <3 your asks make me so happy dfjka i finally dont feel as invisible on this stupid site lmao. also thanks for understanding that i dont reply that quick, but i tend to just uhh leave things be for a while ?? like i get a message and i dont always reply straight away for some reason. but yea. thank you !! <3

[deamabilisworld]

The first thing a gay person should do is find a community.

So blue is the warmest colour.

First things first, Emma's outfits make me fall in love.

We oftentimes understand genres from superficial features. Horror for instance by threatening situations, death, etc.

But once in a while a radical author arrives into the scene and triggers all the emotions related with the genre, without actually repeating any of its tropes.

It is easy to classify lesbianism as girl on girl relationship. And the relationship with sex, and so lesbianism with a girl on girl sexual relation.

It is more difficult for a trans lesbian such as myself to understand what it means and why was I not satisfied with relationships with women who saw me as male, even disregarding penetration and the assumption that I should be the dominant partner.

So when I try to realize what it means, I try, like many of us, to reflect on lesbianism in media. And throughout the past few months it helped me understand what I was missing, even though I'm yet to theorize or put it into words.

The first hour and a half of the movie was all that for me. I connected what was going through Adele. Especially when she sees Emma for the first time. Having a confident butch wrap her hands around you as you walk in the streets, seeing it from afar and longing.

As for her sex with men compared to the sexual fantasy, that's also interesting.

Men tend to be very focused on penetration. What's more interesting is that they almost have no discussion about their own personal enjoyment in sex.

Think about it: the market for male sex toys is very poor, and men freak when you discuss penetrating them, even though the anal region is filled with nerve endings which guarantee enjoyment.

This leads to their sexual interaction begging technique-driven. Very linear and centred on specific tasks in an almost mechanical way.

I obviously also talk from my own personal experience.

Maybe I'm not the right person to speak about it, but I couldn't find much pleasure when having sex as a guy. The experience was stale, repetitive and motionless. I was not driven by my sensations, rather by my imagination and the need to please the other. It reached to situations where I used to throw my used condoms as fast as possible since I didn't really climax in these interactions.

Which obviously also limits the other's capacity to enjoy the interaction.

The most affirming first experience in my transition was when I was treated as a woman in sex, and I actually reached orgasm for the first time in my life.

Having said that, the first actual sex scene with Emma also bothered me.

When I think of lesbianism and sapphic, I think of things I can actually do as a woman, and to what I relate. Which is obviously very gay scenarios, but rarely penetrative sex.

I imagine cuddling in the middle of the night, a dildo pulled out, we both climax and low key going to bed as if nothing.

I imagine looking her in the eyes as she plays with her fingers inside of me, her dominant eyes give me comfort.

Eating her up.

But having said all of that, vaginas gross me out.

I mean penises gross me much more.

I love breasts and buttocks.

But I really find it difficult being attracted to the vagina, playing with it, kissing it.

One time in the army, I sat with someone as she guarded the base entrance and she told me she usually finds the penis appalling, but when she has sex, it becomes the most beautiful thing in the world.

Dejana once made me insert my fingers to her in the shower, but I couldn't find joy in it.

Let's talk about Dejana for a second.

While she saw me as a hetero and despised lesbians, BITWC was one of her favourite movies. And I could see a reflection of our dynamic in that relationship.

I was stronger in that dynamic. I came from abroad, I had more money, I was her boss's daughter.

I read more, especially and of course philosophy.

Our relationship was a form of escapism.

She wanted the classical type of romance, that which doesn't exist in the rural parts of Serbja. Love, warmth, real human affection deeper than sexual lust.

I was looking for a simple relationship. Cooking together, travelling, I didn't want to think about the fact that I was a lonely outcast in an unfamiliar country.

We laid in bed. She was playing some game on her phone, I was reading for a philosophy essay. In truth, I was avoiding the need to interact with her. Because when we didn't do recreational activities, we didn't have a connection.

For someone who often speaks about the need to hear as many narratives as possible, to understand and relate to the earth, and to understand emotions rather than thoughts, I failed miserably connecting with her.

Dejana would have probably been content with such a relationship. She is used to male detachment, and she is very willing to deny issues in a dynamic, but I couldn't go on with it.

I didn't feel guilty when I broke it up. I felt relief.

Emma tried to change Adele, to educate her. But in so doing she clearly doesn't understand her.

Which comes to an analysis of the movie itself.

It is a classical rich-poor romance story. But instead of the American-dream infumed version of the story, we get a cynical, french depiction.

Emma tries to connect with the rural schick. Her last exhibit is presented in very oriental streets, that almost remind me of Jaffa.

Emma uses Adele to relate with this simpleton lifestyle. In all of her relationships, she is strong, in control, and she uses her girlfriends to tell her story.

Emma is open with her sexuality because her family is embracing, Adele hides her true identity because in her society she would be isolated and categorized.

Emma can study whatever she wishes, Adele needs to be practical.

She has the time to educate herself and discuss many worlds, Adele cannot, she has only her own experience to reflect upon.

And Emma doesn't understand why is she content with these lives, how can she live like that.

But is it better for Adele to dream big and see it get crushed?

Well sorta yes.

After all, when they break up, Emma bounces back but Adele is lost. Without anywhere to sleep, no one to love her or to understand her.

And yea, it is partially because of circumstances. Emma is far richer. But with these circumstances came the fact that Emma is groomed to live free.

And let's talk about grooming and praying in the gay community and why Emma is an awful person.

When I started to come out, I immediately joined the BDSM community.

When I had to move and lost my family, I digressed a lot.

I returned to my horse only when I met my rugby community.

A gay community gives you power, a place to discuss, to understand yourself better, friends to relate with and gossip who is dangerous within the community.

Two days ago I woke up a mess after 5h sleep and a lot of packing to do for my new flat.

Right in that morning, I received a message.

I met that girl in the philosophy common room.

She was an economics student. Like many other Bulgarians, she knew her way and got the code for the room from a friend to steal coffee, tea and food.

We became friends. She was always a powerful person, one of those Nietzchiens who understand everything as a power dynamic.

I told her my radical feminist theories and she was dazzled.

She graduated, moved to London, found a boyfriend and started dating.

It wasn't a common relationship.

That person was her feminized slave. I suggested to her that perhaps he was actually a she, but the person denied it. Until recently.

But she messaged me not to ask for help with her transitioning. The opposite, she was overwhelmed by the fact that her bae wants to transition and she wanted confirmation that her transitioning is wrong. I was horrified. That day, the Bulgarian convinced her bae not to go on hormones so she won't hurt her, and so the Bulgarian won't leave her.

In a society where people discover their sexuality and gender only in sexual surroundings, natural predators would abuse them as a means of gratification.

Adele could only discover her homosexuality in gay pick up bars. Emma naturally picked her up and raised her.

Adele, who didn't know anything gay other than Emma, relied on what Emma was willing to teach her.

Becoming Emma's toy, she was dependent upon her.

The first thing a gay person should do is find a community.

Although Emma tried to pamper Adele, pushing her to express herself in writing, she never introduced Adele to friends or to the community.

The only way Emma knew how to pamper Adele, was to try and make her a copy of herself. Which failed.

While the film attempts to escape the male gaze upon lesbians, it flirts very directly with the burgeois-gaze upon the poor and oriental.

Can that power dynamic be non-abusive? and if so, how?

We want to say that Emma should understand Adele's culture and embrace it as much as Adele needs to embrace Emma's.

But Adele's culture has unavoidable ugly aspects. It is grotesque, not refined, narrow-minded and closed. And it is a central aspect to her cultural as much as the other, beautiful, aspects are.

Do gays have any choice? Can you be gay and poor, gay and be part of the ethnic 'simpleton' culture? or are these aspects inherently negating?

My answer was to escape. I lived in poverty in the streets, away from my home, where I could define my own culture as a mix of orientalism, punk and classical beauty.

But not everyone is as lucky to do that.

When I write that 'hetero culture is boring' I fully say that I find it difficult to relate to Dejana. And part of me is sad because there are some morals and beauty in her world which I couldn't connect to.

For while I was attracted to my representation of her culture, I was not attracted to her, she was just a canvas for me, a cynical tool beyond my comprehension.

I could have found beauty in her only when I painted her in my own likening.

[skips-is-asleep]

Fanfiction Review Except Not Really It's Just Me Rambling on About the Fics In my Bookmarks on AO3 

Now it’s time to talk about what is actually my favorite favorite, The Great Empire of HIC

Before we really get into it, I have to mention that my favorite book of all time is a fictional biography of a woman in 17th century china called Snowflower and the Secret Fan. It’s from the perspective of a poor girl who, due to circumstances from fucked up Chinese traditions, result in her having a “Soul Sister” (i cant remember what it’s called in Chinese) with a rich girl of her same age and moves her up the social ladder while simultaneously bringing her friend, Snow flower, down the social ladder. The entire novel is her life from age 6 to her elderly years and it’s a fantastic book, definitely gay and I love it.

This is basically that book, but Solkat. This took me two days to read, and it was worth every second. I cried, and still cry many times when I read this. More focus is put on Karkat for sure, but I am a huge sucker for pining, and mutual pining. I think there’s a lot of comedy in this, I love the other characters in this, I love how it really feels like it’s not just a fanfic, like it’s actual canon or at least what actual canon would have looked like if we had more than just Pesterquest to go off of with a no-sgrub session.

This fic is also really good for tender moments, and for the angst, OH THE ANGST, the heartbreak, the grittiness. Even though Sollux isn’t there a lot of the time, it’s made up for the fact that Karkat just feels so fucking real. You feel his emotions with him. It makes you think “what would I have done in this situation” and then you immediately think “i would’ve fucking told Sollux when we were like 16 and still on Alternia but that’s not my business.”

And you think that because you’re not Karkat. Karkat would’ve kept it secret for decades, would’ve rather suffered than been an inconvenience or cause of pain for someone he loves WHICH BY THE WAY

I remember before I read this fic, i was talking to a good friend of mind about how Karkat would be the equivalent of “gay” on Alternia that. And by that, I mean, that Trolls are usually polyamorous, and that not being polyamorous is weird and not a lot of people vibe with that. Karkat is unique in that he’s monogamous, only wanting one partner at a time rather than multiple partners. He didn’t see anyone else while he had feelings for Sollux, and when Sollux had different quadrants, even ones that we understand as platonic and not necessarily romantic, he still felt jealousy. Thinking about Sollux having fuck buddies makes him uncomfortable and upset.

And when I was having this kind of conversation with my friend, I didn’t fully understand it from a troll perspective. Of course it’s easy to understand from a human perspective, humans are mostly monogamous. What I mean is that I didn’t fully process it. It didn’t sink in. But reading this. That shit stuck. That shit not only stuck, but fused into my very soul and took over like plankton in that episode of spongebob, walking me towards my doom of only ever seeing karkat in this interpretation, even though i LOOOOVE my pitch solkat so MUCH and very frequently indulge in it.

I dunno, i kinda like some of the cliche aspects to some of this. The drunk confessions, the drunk confessions again, I love hearing Karkat’s inner monologue. I love hearing how he bottles everything up and internalizes everything, and I love the inner conflict of a small part of him just screaming “kiss him already” and the larger, traumatized by his life as a mutant part of him squishes it very fast.

The moments before the REAL confession is so so so good.

I LOVE, i ADORE, these lines. These two lines happens pretty close in between each other, and you feel it. Sollux just got done grilling the fuck out of Karkat, who’s basically housebound due to specific circumstances and wrangled a love confession out of Karkat, who immediately afterward, ran away and got arrested basically. I think about that first screenshot a lot. I think about that whole SCENE, a lot. Cause if it were anyone else, Sollux would’ve just dropped it. Motherfucker broke his heart, now they’re dead to him. In the vault of suppressed memories you go, and on with my life away from you.

But it’s Karkat. You can’t throw Karkat in that vault, dude, and you know he’s putting so much energy into trying to get this information out of him BECAUSE there’s still something there. He still feels something and that’s why this means so much to him, the explanation from Karkat, obviously.

And when he finally does come out and say it, it’s so tender in the way it happens. The realization that he’s still so in love with Sollux and there’s not much he can do because he already blew it, and Sollux realizes it too, he realizes that not only did Karkat did what he did because he loveD Sollux, he still loves him in a way that shatters his very being and AH this shit makes me quake.

And in the scenes to follow, we see that love of Sollux that we also saw in the beginning, the way he describes him and admires him from afar and also not that afar. He can’t stand how much he loves him because to him, it means nothing, it’s clinging on to the past and holding him back.

See this? this is also fan-fucking-tastic. Like im running out of ways to describe how much i just love this writing. Do you see what I mean by the way Karkat thinks and the way he describes things? This level of detail and fine crafting, but for 500k words and you have my idea of heaven and happiness in it’s purest form. I could link ever screenshot of Karkat describe how beautiful he thinks Sollux is but we’d be here for ever.

One more thing, i swear. When the humans, and by that I mean just dirk and roxy, finally come into the picture, it’s also fucking genius. When Karkat discovers the word “love”, it makes me a little misty in the eyes. The entire time they were using troll language, I was feeling a little saddened, cause Sollux only had the word “pity” to describe this positive affection for him. There was no in between or combination that could make it feel right, and we don’t ever really hear or see them call each other anything official cause there is no word for it. There is no word for “boyfriend” that they can just pluck out of the air and use as a quadrant-neutral description of their love, because their love doesn’t really exist outside of the two of the. Do you see what i mean by karkat is “gay” by troll standards, or does that still not make sense to anyone lmao.

Please PLEASE just go read this fic, it’s a work of fucking art

[rebekahgaveup]

most embarrassing story? GO!

Bold of you to assume I only have one. Okay, sit back anon bc the first one that comes to mind is, I am terribly sad to say, a real doozie.

Okay, so here's the thing you need to understand about me. My craydar, as I like to refer to it, is on point. I can smell a crazy person from all 50 states away. I can catch a whiff of insanity from across the Atlantic Ocean. When given the task of analyzing A Telltale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe in Sophomore year, I did so with a rigorous passion, and by rigorous passion I mean I narrowed his symptoms down to three possible diagnoses and highlighted potential symptoms in different colors based upon which diagnosis they matched up to. In short, my craydar is never wrong.

My gaydar, as I have heard it called, on the other hand, doesn't work for crap. As in, my best friend was bi, wore a bracelet in the colors of the bi flag, and the gay flag, and it was not until about 3 years into our friendship that I discovered (upon being told) that they were, in fact, bi. You cannot possibly imagine my shock. It was disappointingly astronomical. As my best friend pointed out, I was truly boo boo the fool.

If you have guessed where this is going, darling reader, it pains me to say that you are correct.

Within my first two years of high school, I fell prey to the same thing most Freshman/Sophomore girls do. I had an embarrassingly huge crush on a guy who was about 2 years older than me, which in undergraduate terms is perfectly reasonable, but in high school terms meant I didn't have a chance.

However, starry eyed little 15 year old me was NOT to be deterred. Oh no.

I spent most of my time daydreaming about this mediocre teenage boy who knew full well that I existed and just simply did not care, despite my delusions of him perhaps someday doing so. I imagined, as most teen girls do (I sincerely hope) that he thought what I had to say was interesting on the rare occasions that I could get him to listen to me speak. I was thoroughly convinced that he had the faintest inkling that I was interested in him and entertained it, which I now fervently hope was not true, and when I think of this I pray that he had not the faintest idea of my affections. I, in the most Jane Austen-esque way imaginable, read Jane Austen and imagined myself to be like one of her charmingly clever heroines, with a love interest who eyed me from afar when I was not looking, and that was why I never caught him looking at me. I went to great lengths to impress this boy, pretending I liked things he liked (I did not), pretending I wanted to talk about things he wanted to talk about (I did not), pretending I had the same or at least similar beliefs and hopes and dreams (which I most certainly did not).

My poor, poor reader, if you have not guessed where this is going by now, neither had my 15 year old self, so rest easy in the knowledge that you are not alone.

If you have guessed, my next reveal will come as no surprise to you, but I would ask that you pretend to be surprised anyway.

That's right, everyone unfortunate enough to lay eyes upon this post. The boy I longingly sang Teardrops on My Guitar about was, in fact, very, very gay. Had a boyfriend and everything very gay. Had a boyfriend I had seen him with, kind of gay.

Now, in the defense of 15 year old me, at the time I very first began to fall for him, he was bi. This did not mean I had the faintest inkling of a chance, nor would it have mattered if it had since I was also not aware of this fact. However, I use that to comfort me late at night when I sometimes think about this and bolt awake.

Tl;dr my first love was a gay man and I had no idea until somebody was kind enough to tell me

Edit: Oh and to add insult to injury it was my best friend's brother which is just cliche

[impcrfecticn]

( tom holland + 18 + muse 04 ) isn’t that jacob “jake” addison over there? i heard HE joined faction one after they got back to west ham. it’s funny, ‘cause they were only on the service trip because it was mandatory for the football team. hopefully they fit in there — they’re COMPASSIONATE, but also RECKLESS. oh, i’m sure they’ll be fine. ( brooke, she/her, 21, est )

hey everyone ! i’m brooke, and i’m super excited to rp with you all ! this is my dumb boi jake, but be on the look out for my queen charlie, who’s intro should be out soon !

tw: internalized homophobia

jacob “jake” addison is the second oldest of six kiddos. his dad is a police officer and his mom is a youth minister, so they weren’t exactly rolling in cash growing up. jake had a lot of hand-me-downs and ate discount school lunches. all of the money his classmates have? yeah, he could only really dream about having that.

he probably would have been bullied for being poor were it not for his personality. the literally personification of sunshine? yeah, that’s this kid. growing up, he was always the kid with a smile on his face. his mom often said that jake never met a stranger, because he would talk to everyone and befriend anyone.

jake started playing peewee football when he was in elementary school, and discovered he had a real knack for it. he was never going to play professionally or anything, but he sure could run and throw the ball well.

by the time he was thirteen or fourteen, jake had already begun to realize he liked guys a lot more than he liked girls. girls were sweet and pretty, but he didn’t really think of them in the same way his friends did. he thought of guys that way. but, living in kansas and coming from a conservative family, he tried to ignore it and just date girls instead. it never really worked though.

in high school, jake was a member of the popular crowd. he wasn’t homecoming king or the quarterback, but he was on the football team and he was known for being nice to literally everyone, even the less-popular kids. he was just a well-liked, kind dude. 

he’s not super smart. he’s never been a brainiac, and he doesn’t always have the most common sense. what he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in heart. jake’s so kind to everyone, though he’s a little more distrustful now.

now that they’re not in west ham anymore, he’s grown a little tougher. jake’s still kind and thoughtful, but he’s also protective of his friends and wants to keep everyone safe. in my head, he’d be sort of a member of the guard, if such a group forms here

he’s also come to terms with his sexuality, and is now actually trying to just be happy. he’s not like, 100% out or anything, but he is more comfortable telling certain people, and he’s actually hanging out with a guy he has a crush on (wc)

wanted connections

i have some listed here, but the one’s i’d really love to see are:

his squad! give me his teammates, give me other popular kids who he’s been friends with since they were kiddos. give me new friends that he’s bonded with since they were brought here.

an ex-girlfriend. they dated in high school, but they weren’t super serious. he was a caring, good boyfriend, but he only ever liked her as a friend. he tried to make himself love her romantically though. they ended before they left west ham, and they’re probably still on decent terms? we can flesh it out more tbh

a crush. he’s known he’s gay for years now, even if he tried to fight it. he noticed this guy in high school, but avoided getting to know him too much because he was worried he’d develop serious feelings for him and get hurt. now that they’re stuck here, jake’s not nearly as worried about being outed. now, he just wants to be happy.

an older brother. jake’s one of six kiddos, but most of them were younger and didn’t come on the trip. his older brother did though! we can decide how close they are together. he honestly could be in any faction besides one.

an enemy or two. not everyone can be loved by everyone, not even this sunshine boi. i think it would be really interesting for him to have an enemy or two out there that he doesn’t like.

[seochangbean]

SAGE HANEUL LEHN   ★ 07.10.99 ★ "SAGE”

Barista, Student, Dancer, Self-Employed (Detailed Below) 

personality ― ★ )  esfj / chaotic good / type 3 (the achiever) / image-conscious / adaptable / driven /  energetic / ambitious / poised / charitable / exhibitionist / jealous / reckless / devious / loyal / sensitive / clingy / sociable / impulsive / too needy / too selfless / loving / materialistic 

likes ― ★ ) hot chocolate / disney movies / pillow forts / praise / validation / public displays of affection / cuddling / mint chocolate chip ice cream / vanilla lattes / cloud watching / dancing / whiskey / small diners / sweet foods / dungeons and dragons / video games / people watching / candles / rain showers / playing in puddles / good sex / cute boys / poetry / reading / flirting / conspiracy theories / being wanted + needed 

dislikes ― ★ ) seafood / his parents / needles / the dark / getting scared / horror movies / liars / bad tinder dates / being late / heights / roller coasters / homophobics / being judged / being criticized / arguments / sudden loud noises / facial hair / trivia (he’s terrible at it) / swimming (he never learned how) 

appearance whatnot ― ★ ) 5′7 / naturally black hair dyed blonde / green or grey circle lenses / button ups with skinny jeans / chunky sweaters / pastels / combat boots / perfectly styled hair 

quirks & habits ― ★ ) changes his hair whenever he gets bored / interjects into stories to offer up facts he knows / uses pet names / talks to himself when nervous / nervous laughs / plays with his hair / plays with other people’s hair / talks loud / overall loud af / swears when it is the least appropriate time 

aesthetics ― ★ )  late night strolls / hot chocolate by a warm fire / pillow forts / staying up late and exchanging secrets / soft pillows / vanilla scents / bubble baths / lofi music / messy hair / small tattoos / cozy apartments / glittering lights / dyed hair / ripped jeans / stolen glances / pencil drumming / handwritten love letters / cherry lollipops / 

background ― ★ )  

tw: mentions of homophobia, camming 

Sage Lehn is the son of two wealthy Korean Immigrants. His father is a well known plastic surgeon with a practice in Boston (he would commute from Salem), while his wife owns a popular restaurant with her hands in pretty much every committee a person could get involved in - from the HOA to the PTA. They had four children that they held to high standards. The four Lehn children were sent to language school every Sunday, and were subjected to a variety of lessons in music, dance, manners, and other assorted behaviors that the Lehns thought would be beneficial to their children. 

The Lehn’s goals for their children was simple. Get good grades, become a doctor, a lawyer, or a politician. They weren’t really asking for much, in their opinion. They were the kinds of parents that loved bragging about how well their children were doing at parties and proving that their children were the best. 

Sage was sent to the best schools money could buy. He went to private school in Boston, and from an early age developed a sense of independence because he was responsible for getting himself on the train and to and from school because his parents didn’t have time to take him themselves. He was usually accompanied by one of his siblings, of course, but the train was still a dangerous place for a kid. 

At age thirteen, he started to realize how different he was from his siblings. While all of his siblings had been in relationships at that point, he had not. He was coming to terms with the fact that, rather then wanting to date girls like his brothers, his eyes had always been on boys. Namely, his best friend’s much older brother. His heart would always beat faster when he was in the room, he couldn’t help it. 

He tried confiding in his mother about this, having told her everything else. He asked if it was normal for guys to like guys instead of girls, and the response he received was not what he had been hoping for. Being gay was disgusting, his mother said, and pointedly told him that she would not be accepting of having a gay son. 

So he decided that he wouldn’t be gay. Like that is a thing that a person could really decide. 

This involved a lot of attempting to ignore his obvious feelings for guys and try dating girls. All of these relationships crashed and burned because Sage just couldn’t become interested in them. 

Finally, he gave in and dated a boy for the first time. And it was like letting a large part of himself out of prison for the first time. He was seventeen at the start of this relationship, and as secretive as he tried to be .... his parents found out shortly following his graduation from high school. They cut him off and kicked him out, leaving him on his own. 

His boyfriend’s parents were accepting and allowed for him to move in with them. The first couple months of this arrangement were nice, but being rejected by his parents the way he had caused for Sage to go through some emotional struggles that caused for him to lash out at his then-boyfriend. Realizing he wasn’t in a good place, he broke things off and moved out. 

He answered a want ad on craigslist for a roommate, and he quickly discovered that adulthood was difficult. He grew up  with a silver spoon in his mouth, and was used to getting whatever it was he wanted. Even living with his boyfriend, he didn’t have to worry about much because he had a roof over his head and food to eat. Now living on his own, he began struggling to put food onto the table. 

He got a job as a barista at a local coffee shop, but quickly learned that rent is expensive. He could get the very basic of bills paid but as for food on the table? He was lucky if he could afford instant noodles. He missed being able to buy himself nice things, let alone eat real food. 

It was a late night with his roommate that gave him the idea on just how he could make a living for himself without being so fucking poor all the time. Well, his roommate suggested becoming a stripper. But the idea of complete strangers being able to touch him was repulsive. He’d been to gay bars, he’d seen some of the weirdos that went to those kinds of places. 

Camming, on the other hand, seemed safer. It turned out there was a market for it, since there was a large gay / curious community and mostly girls in camming. It made him quick money, and he was able to return to the comfortable lifestyle he was accustomed to. 

He’s traded up from the shitty apartment with his former-roommate to a nicer apartment with his childhood best friend. His former-roommate and his best friend are the only ones that are aware of the secret as to where his money comes from. As far as everyone else knows, he just does really well for himself as a barista. Admitting to what he actually does is truly the most humiliating thing to him.... but the pay keeps him from stopping. Will probably die if someone he knows finds out. 

existing connections ― ★ ) artemis campbell - has had a crush on him since he was in middle school 

needed connections ― ★ ) his best friend (artemis’ younger brother), ex boyfriends, people that know his secret, enemies, rivals, dance buddies, pretty much everything 

[diannaphantomfiction]

Karivarry LifeSwap AU Writing Prompts. Prompt 9/15: These Are My Partners

THERE IS NOW A LIST OF CHARACTERS: HERE

Prompt requested by an anonymous @mewwitch. Here’s the Prompt:

If you are still taking prompts for the lifeswapAU, how about their first meetings with each other? Or maybe the first time they introduced each other as romantic partners?

Barry hopped off the couch with a skip in his step. Lazy nights in were a rare occurrence and lazy night in with both his partners were even rarer. Had they had to call the Chinese place again because Kara had severely underestimate how much food Oliver would eat today? Yes. Did they scare the poor family that runs the restaurant by just how much they ordered? Probably. But they were cuddled up together on their couch, eating, and watching Star Trek (made hilarious by Oliver whispering ‘gay’ whenever Spock and Kirk were on screen together) with their phones turned off.

So, when Barry opened the door, he was expecting food.

“Diana?”

Diana Prince, better known as Wonder Woman was standing at his door, looking as frazzled as she got. She easily towered over Barry at 6’5”, and her muscles made it clear that she was nearly as strong as Clark. She was wearing a pair of leggings, a plain t-shirt, and her long black hair was wrangled into a bun instead of it’s usual low ponytail. Diana was leaning against a suitcase and holding a large purse.

She smiled at him. “Hello, Bar-El. I hope I’m not intruding, but you didn’t pick up your phone.”

“Of course not,” Barry stepped forward and gave her a quick hug. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes. My flight to Gotham was late so I missed my layover and I’m stuck until tomorrow and I was hoping you’d let me borrow your couch?”

Barry smiles. “Of course! But, I’m not alone tonight…”

Diana’s smile widened. “Your famous partners?”

Barry blushed. “Yeah. Would you like to meet them?”

“I would love to.”

Barry stepped aside to let her in and walked with her to the living area. “Guys, this is Diana, she’s an old family friend. Diana, this is my boyfriend, Oliver, and my girlfriend, Kara.”

Diana shook both their hands. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both. I’ve heard a lot about you from Barry.”

“Good things I hope,” Kara said with a smile.

Diana gave Barry a very familiar, very smug, and very calculating. “Oh, it’s rarely anything but.”

Barry blinked. Well, he did not like the look of this. At all.

Kara was on edge, Oliver was sure that if he wasn’t holding her hand, she would have attacked someone and jumped out a window by now. She didn’t like locks. Or bars. Or pat downs. Or people that had a largely group us vs them mentality. Basically, prisons in general. They made her twitchy and when Kara got twitchy, she got violent. Barry was doing better at least, even if he kept looking at the guards nervously. Barry, who was bulletproof.

“You guys really don’t have to be nervous.” Oliver smiled and squeezed Kara’s hand. “Everyone here knows me. As long as you don’t do anything stupid no one is going to say or do anything.”

“I don’t like it here,” Kara mumbled, looking very seriously at the window of the waiting room.

“Kara…” Oliver said with clear warning in his voice.

“Queen, West, Danvers-Grant!”

Oliver tugged Kara up and they went through the regular pat down procedure before being led to the women’s visiting room. It was...easier to deal with then the men’s where you had to speak to the person you were visiting through glass and a recording phone. There was no touching. On the women’s side, the visiting room was as dull and drab as you could imagine, with metal tables and benches bolted to the floor. Oliver could hug her when at the beginning and end of the visit, but quickly and if a guard didn’t like the look of something, he could end the visit early.

Getting Barry and Kara on his mother’s visiting list was an experience. Oh, Barry was easy enough. He was a good kid, stellar record, adopted out of foster care, successful in therapy, no criminal record, he’d easily passed all the checks. Kara was more difficult. She’d never actually been convicted or sent to trial over anything, but it was pretty well known that she had “fits of instability,” a term that Oliver hated. Kara was perfectly stable, but the rule had changed for her. Everything “unstable” about Kara made perfect sense if you understood her. For instance, she was currently stressed out because she’d been chained and caged in makeshift prisons before where guards had abused her to the extreme. They almost denied her entry, until Oliver promised he’d take responsibility for anything that happened. He hadn’t told Kara that bit.  

“You’re doing great, Kara.” He whispered as they sat down. She was currently glaring at the guard that had yelled something about ‘Little Ollie getting a girl’ and ignoring both him and Barry.

Then, the door opened and the prisoners started to file in. Oliver watched as the women’s faces lit up as they saw their families and walked over to tables as fast as they could without getting yelled at. His mother entered about halfway through the group and Oliver immediately let go of Kara’s hand and rose to his feet.  He took a few steps forward to meet her halfway and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“Hey Mom.”

Moria smiled and cling back just as tightly. “Hello Oliver.”

Oliver pulled back, going to sit between Barry and Kara as Moria sat down across from them. “Mom, this is Barry and Kara, my romantic partners.”

Moria rose her eyebrows sky high, “When you said you wanted to introduce me to your partners, I figured it would have more to do with...your work.”

“Oh! That’s how we met.” Barry spoke up, “Through work.”

Realization dawned on her face. “Well. I apparently owe Brianna a Snickers bar.”

Kara leaned forward and for the first time, didn’t look nervous by the very nature of the building they were in. “Ms. Queen. I understand this relationship seems abnormal, even strange perhaps, but Barry and I love Oliver very much. We would give anything to see him happy and what we’ve discovered is that the three of us are happiest together.”

Moria stared down Kara for a couple seconds before her face softened. “Well, what sort of mother would I be if I denied my son that sort of happiness? Now, why don’t you two tell me about yourselves?”

Kara patted Mike on the shoulder as she headed off the mat. “That’s enough for today. You’re doing really well, Mike. Ted would be proud.”

Mike smiled. “Thanks.”

Kara nodded and started her her cool down stretches. Mike really was doing well, he still had a long way until he was even on the same level as Lena, but he was getting along with the team (mostly) and learning his limits and how to push them safely. Who knows? soon, she may let him go out on real missions.

She turned back to Mike, who was getting water, “Don’t forget to stretch. And don’t spend to much time lifting weights. Remember…”

“I know, I know.” Mike rolled his eyes. “Balance.”

“Good man.” Kara smiled and headed out to the main area. Winn, loud as ever, was talking to someone, though Kara couldn’t see who yet. Lena was leaning up against one o the desks, laughing happily along with Winn and…

“Barry! Oliver! What are you doing here? Is everything alright?” Kara’s mind was reeling, thinking up everything that could go wrong in her brain. The list wasn’t exactly short either. There were speedsters and various aliens, not to mention all the other trouble these two got into.

“We just had some free time and wanted to surprise you.” Oliver said, moving to her side to kiss her cheek.

Barry waved from his cross-legged perch on one of the desks. “We brought pie!”

“How many pieces did you eat?”

“...We brought three pies!”

Kara let a smile tug at the corners of her lips. “That sounds more realistic.”

Winn spoke around a mouthful of pie. “It is awesome pie!”

Barry sits up a little straighter. “It’s Ma Kent’s recipe! She taught me how to make it when I first came to Earth. I already make a pie for Team Flash once a month, I can make one for you guys too.”

“That is the greatest gift you could ever give us.”

Lena rolled her eyes. “No it’s not. Don’t listen to him.”

Winn nodded furiously as soon as Lena turned in another direction, causing Barry and Oliver to stifle laughs and Kara to smirk.

“Sure, Winn. I’ll make you guys a pie.”

“YES!”

“Did you guys forget to introduce me to team members?”

Everyone turned to see Mike walking up, a towel wrapped around his neck and a water bottle in his hand. Kara had forgotten about Mike. She had been trying not to overwhelm him, Barry and Oliver were overwhelming. Their lives were overwhelming. Their villains were overwhelming. Kara loved them, but sometimes one of them would say something and she would just stare because it was that unbelievable.

“Uh no. Barry and Oliver have their own teams. Barry, Oliver, this is Mike, he’s the new Wildcat. In training.”

Barry smiled and waved from his perch as Mike looked them over.

“Uh, wait… Superboy… and the Flash? We knew Superboy and the Flash?”

Barry and Winn start to snicker and Oliver smiled.

Lena covered her mouth to hold back a laugh. “Oh, Mike… we more more than know them…”

“...What?”

Kara sighed and ran a hand down down her face. “They’re my boyfriends. I am dating Oliver and Barry. Yes, both of them. Yes, they are also dating each other. No, it is not confusing. We loved each other very much and I know about seventy ways to kill you without weapons.”

Mike blinked. “...What?”

Everyone burst out laughing. Oliver took Kara’s hand and kissed her knuckles. “Great mentee you’ve got their.”

“He’s not usually this speechless.”

[lids-flutter-open]

Saving Montgomery Sole by Mariko Tamaki

Tamaki, Mariko (2016). Saving Montgomery Sole.

ISBN: 9780670070015

240 pages.

Great for: Fans of The Craft, fans of Mariko Tamaki’s book Skim, fans of Pete Hautman’s book Sweetblood, fans of Ghost World by Daniel Clowes, fans of Steve Chbosky’s The Perks of Being A Wallflower or its film adaptation, fans of Emily Carroll’s GN adaptation of Laurie Halse Andersen’s book Speak, or Jacqueline Woodson’s book From The Notebooks of Melanin Sun.

Mariko Tamaki, author of graphic novels Emiko Superstar, This One Summer, Skim, and some She-Hulk comics, penned this prose YA novel in 2016–a year where many adults and teens alike felt the world as we knew it shifting and witnessed horrifying changes in the political landscape of our society. This book riffs on those themes, exploring the rage, fear, panic, and power of a creative, lonely teenage girl growing up in hostile suburbia.

16-year-old Montgomery Sole lives with her two moms and her eight-year-old sister Tesla in the small suburban town of Aunty, California. Aunty is a flat town of frozen yogurt shops, preppy class posturing, and uniformity—and Monty has never fit in. She wears her mom Bobo’s overalls to school, which leads to people assuming that she’s a lesbian, a goth, or a hippie, and her main friends are members of the Mystery Club, a group that gathers to talk about unexplained phenomena like hypnosis, aliens, table-tipping, seances, and cryptids. Her best friends Naoki and Thomas are strange like she feels she is. But Monty’s precarious sense of safety starts to topple when an evangelical pastor named White moves to town and his son Kenneth starts attending Monty’s school. Posters about reviving the American family appear all over town, and Monty walks into school one day to find every locker covered in plastic crosses that the administration seems slow to remove. Panicking, she turns to the Eye of Know, a $5.99 amulet she ordered on the Internet, which promises to offer psychic insight to the world around her—and she discovers that when she’s wearing the necklace, she has the power to hurt people who say terrible things. Full of gathering rage and panic, Monty strikes out at the world, though at the same time she is starting to isolate herself from her friends, who don’t seem to believe that the threat Monty feels from Pastor White is real. Is the whole world actually being taken over by evangelical evil? Is magic really the only way Monty can possibly stay safe?

The main critique I have seen of this book on Goodreads is that its central protagonist either acts too young for her age or is too prickly and unlikeable. Personally, I think that this depiction of an intellectually brilliant but emotionally reckless and hot-headed teenager was spot-on. For me, it evoked the same feelings of panic and anger and terror that I remember from my own high school years. Teenagers are weird, have poor impulse control, and lack the agency to deal with their problems in restrained, sensible ways—and at the same time, their problems are pretty huge. Monty sees her friend Thomas threatened by bullies, is harassed routinely by girls at school, and isn’t taken seriously by her administration. Posters around her town insist that her kind of family shouldn’t even exist. She is worried about freaking her parents out by expressing her concerns. Her response is to become sullen, mean, and a little bit reactionary, and to turn to occult methods to strike back against the mean girls who call her moms dykes and photograph them in public or the homophobes who throw things at Thomas. What vaguely goth teen wouldn’t do the same? Likewise, Monty’s squabbles with her friend Naoki about Naoki’s desire to befriend the pastor’s son, or her misguided hatred toward the obsessive dieters at her local frozen-yogurt shop are perhaps not totally feminist, but nor are they unusual for teen girls who don’t have a choice but to be seen as unruly, weird outsiders.

The narrative of this book doesn’t completely acknowledge whether or not magic is real, but it’s treated as a distinct possibility. I love also that Monty and her friends’ obsession with hypnosis, the occult, magic, and mystery does not result in any of this being marked as evil—it’s just a way for them to reckon with the actual totally incomprehensible nature of the world around them.

I would definitely call this an #lgbtreads book, even though Monty’s sexuality is unaddressed. Monty’s two competent parents and best friend Thomas are gay, and the central plot has to do with Monty’s perception that a growing malicious evangelical homophobic movement is overtaking her town. Monty’s isolation as the child of two women is an underrepresented narrative in fiction. The number of gay partners with children has spiked since the nineties, and representations of the alienation of children with gay parents is important. Thomas also is a solid depiction of a high school gay boy—canny and cynical, a little silly, with a thick skin developed through years of bullying and a penchant for dating older men out of a conviction that it isn’t safe to find a boyfriend his own age.

Ultimately the book isn’t about the total end of the world—Monty’s two good moms and many good friends manage to make her feel protected from the bad and evil things that do exist. The threat of an evangelical takeover of the city of Aunty or the state of California does not materialize, and nobody tries to break up Monty’s family. It’s perhaps unrealistically hopeful, as since 2016, there have been even more polarizing events and signs of mob rule in the American political landscape. But regardless of its conclusions, I am SHAKEN by how much it makes me viscerally remember being 16 and how things that were or could be the end of the world felt like something only I could see and something I could only hope to deal with by using magic.

It’s so, so good.

[jumpingpools]

KDramas, A review

Hi friends, I watch a lot of kdramas so I thought i would review them if anyone was interested in watching some. (These are my opinions plz don’t destroy me)

She Was Pretty

Main girl used to be pretty and knew a fat boi when they were younger. They meet up later in life when she is ugly and he’s hot, so she has her hot bff pretend to be her to meet him. Things get complicated. Love triangles everywhere.

Took like 9 fucking episodes to get main girl to not act like an idiot. Plot line and main girl was kinda annoying. Couldn’t finish it. Decent but not my fave.

Chicago Typewriter

The plot alternates between modern day and the 1930s when Korea was colonized by Japan. It follows a group of liberation fighters in the 1930s, and in modern time a famous/grouchy writer, his number one fan and a hot ghost from the past. The modern day group is the reincarnation of the freedom fighter group. Travel through time with them as they discover their past together and how they died.

WOW this one was amazing. Has a lot of literary references, especially with Stephen King. Discusses the nuances of what it means to be a writer. Discusses plagiarism, censorship, mental health and freedom. Has a love triangle, but the love plot isn’t exactly the whole plot of the story. Main girl is kind of a call back to the other characters of the right thing to do and represents many things throughout the show. A must watch.

Weightlifting Fairy

YAS QUEEN! A girl struggles with society’s ideals of what makes a woman beautiful, her career as a weightlifter, and a one-sided love affair. REALLY REALLY cute romance. A very healthy romantic relationship. A must watch. SO CUTE. SO GOOD. WATCH IT.

The Man in our House

Vastly underrated. Main gurl comes home after her mother dies to find a dude younger than her saying he was married to her mom and owns the house/property. She must figure out his intentions. Cute story about redemption, grief, supporting loved ones and romance. Has action moments, romance and legal elements.

Kill Me, Heal Me

A man struggling with dissociative identity disorder (multiple personality disorder) tries to keep his mental health struggles a secret and meets a cute/smart Lady who happens to be a psychiatrist and has her help him. The history between these characters and personalities are more complex than any of them can imagine.

OMG this drama gave me so many feels. It made me laugh out loud and cry for days. It talks about mental health in a beautiful and intelligent way. All the little things in this drama matter and come back later on. Mystery, mental health, family, and love are the major themes of this one. A MUST WATCH.

Fight My Way

A group of four friends slowly realize that they haven’t fought hard enough to realize their dreams, and work towards their life goals even though they are older now. Inspirational and cute. Some moments are a little annoying but a solid ok drama.

You’re All Surrounded

Follows a group of detectives solving an old case that has to do with one of the detective’s dark childhood (mom got murdered in front of him). Great. Unpredictable in the best way. Keeps you on your toes. Cute romance. (The main girl is homeless???) but it’s chill. Would watch again. A solid drama. Crime thriller, romance, melodrama.

Hyde Jekyll, Me

Another dissociative identity disorder one. Kill me heal me is better. A rich Boi was traumatized as a kid and has DID. A cute GURL falls in love with one of his personalities. Mystery, romance and such. I’d give it a 5 out of 10. I did cry.

Bromance

(Taiwanese) Dear baby Jesus this one was so cheesy and awful but I LOVE IT. Gender bender. Gurl has to pretend to be a boi and falls in love with her friend-bro (a rich BOI). But rich Boi isn’t a jerk in this one (surprising right? His fam is nice too). The side character plot story is REALLY REALLY good. Like they should have been their own show. Bff of rich boi falls in love with a girl with cancer in remission, you can see where this is going… Gender bender, cute, so cheesy that you’ll laugh, gets you with the feels, romance.

Absolute Boyfriend

(Taiwanese) HOLY HELL THIS ONE IS BAD. Like so bad. Gurl makes a robot boyfriend as a joke but ends up actually receiving the robot boyfriend. Neighbor boi is in love with her. She has to hide the fact that robot boyfriend is a robot. It’s bad fam. I still cried at the end though. If you’re looking for a gawd awful drama to watch to make you laugh at how bad it is, watch this one… but also I did cry…

Coffee Prince

Oh man. Genderbender. Poor Gurl pretends to be a boi to get jobs that pay better (I feel you gurl), ends up working with a rich BOI in an all-male coffee shop. Rich BOI falls in love with male her and has a panic attack. Lots of love triangles. The beginning is slow, but worth it to get to the good stuff. Cheesy but really enjoyed this one. SOBBED LIKE A BABY at one point. Worth it watching.

(did i mention the main boi is in goblin??)

Secret Garden

Jerky rich Boi and stunt woman Gurl switch bodies. Gurl is a badass bitch I love her. Takes a while to get to the main plot. Love triangles (what drama doesn’t have one). A solid drama. Cute.

Descendants of the Sun

OMG SO SO SO GOOD. My absolute favorite!!! Doctor Lady and Special operations military Boi fall in love. Often separated b/c of their jobs. Both end up in a (fictional) war-torn place called Erk. Very seriously discusses what it means to be/the morality of a soldier and a doctor. CRIED SO HARD OMG. This drama will change your life. Really well made, writing was amazing. OST is amazing! One of those dramas where the little things come back later on. Everything has purpose and meaning. The two main characters got married in real life!!! 10/10. SO good.

(the main boi legit broke his arm during filming)

Boys over Flowers

Why has everyone seen this one? This is a trash can disguised as a drama. Cheesy, stupid plots, poor communication between the characters that makes you want to scream at them. Yet I couldn’t stop watching it??

Four rich BOIs are the rich SKOOL hot bullies. Poor Gurl comes and ~changes everything~. Leader of the Bois is a jerk-face and of course they fall in love. Love triangles of course. A trash can. An actual trash can. Strangely really long. You must have will power to make it to the end. Watch it, it is a rite of passage.

To the Beautiful You

Korean Hana Kimi for those familiar with the books. Doesn’t follow the books super well but still really good. (So much better than the mess that was the Japanese and Taiwanese versions). It’s really cute and lovely just like the books. Min Ho from Shinee is Sano. He’s a cutie.

Gurl pretends to be a boi and goes to an all bois (college I think? might be high school) to meet her high jumping idol. They end up being roommates and then good friends (and maybe more????). Love triangles. The real OG genderbender. Gay panics. Gay acceptance. An aloof doctor. A cute dog. One of my faves. Plz watch.

You’re Beautiful

Both the Taiwanese and the Korean versions are literally the same scene for scene line for line so just pick one. Gender bender, love triangles. A nun (yes a fucking NUN) Gurl has to pretend to be her twin brother in a band with 3 bois. Can she keep her secret? Will she fall in love with the jerk leader boi and not the other nice boi? Watch to find out. Not the best. Cheesy. Watch if you have nothing else to do or want to laugh at something. Entertaining though.

Moon River

I had such high hopes for this one but it was more of a trash can than Boys over Flowers. Basically the same plot as Boys over Flowers. SO SO BAD. A few redeeming scenes. Not even bad in the way that it’s funny to watch, just bad. Don’t waste your time. I couldn’t even finish this one. 3/10 don’t watch.

Crossing Hero

(Taiwanese) I had a Jiro Wang phase and he directed this one. It’s quirky and cheesy and terrible but I love it. Main boi travels through time to modern day. The two side heroes follow after him into modern day and don’t know how to cope with modern day. The squad gets involved with a reporter and a detective and solve a ~huge~ crime plot. Jiro, our main BOI, just stops showing up in his own drama like halfway through it?? and the side characters become the main characters, which is weird but fine b/c they’re cool.

Horrendously cheesy. Weird. But still good, especially once Jiro stops showing up. Wouldn’t put it anywhere near the top of the To Watch List though. Watch it if you want something totally out of the ordinary.

Oh my Ghostess!

A young virgin ghost possess the body of an extremely shy chef girl to try to bang the head chef and go to Nirvana. The main Gurl getting possessed can actually see ghosts so things get complicated. What happens when main Gurl and main ghost gurl both get the feels for head chef? Will ghost gurl figure out how she died?

Has mystery/crime thriller, spoopy/supernatural, sweet, romance, family, grief and friendship element/themes. Thought this one would be bad but was really surprised at how good it was. Solid drama.

Bring it on Ghost! / Let’s Fight Ghost!

A friend-less boi can see ghosts and fights off ghosts for people for money. Meets a cute high schooler ghost that ends up helping him. Gains two weird ghost obsessed friends (against his will). Will the budding romance between a living boi and a cute ghost gurl ever work out?

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon

YAS QUEEN! A gurl born with super strength is wary of losing her powers and hides them. A serial kidnapper/killer with a creepy baby mask. Crime and mystery drama. A really cute drama. A sweet romance, funny mixed with some sad, decently feministic drama. Great. Watch it.

Suspicious Partner

A lawyer gurl is framed for murdering her ex. A cute prosecutor is caught between doing what is right and trying to not get fired. An unlikely alliance/romance between two people who understand how it feels to be cheated on. Discussion about when the justice system fails, at what point and extent should you take matters into your own hands. Crime thriller, mystery, revenge, law and justice, heartbreak, romance and forgiveness.This one is full of twists and turns. Really good one! Watch it!

ok fam, that’s all of my reviews! Thanks for reading!!!