#it's just so fascinating and funny to me

[yakourinka]

every other day I'm mildly surprised by how similar this website has become to 4chins in its heyday. and, surprisingly, I don't mean it in a bad way

[voiice-of-the-soul]

It irritates me alot when people say that making medic more compassionate is ''missing the point of his character'' when he is literally shown to be in the comics.... did you miss the part where he showed concern for both sniper and miss pauling's well being in comic 5 and 6.

His actions are a combination of genuine attachment + clinical interest and these things do not cancel out one another. He is always pushing boundaries and going against the grain and i think this is what led to him losing his license in the first place. He felt stifled by the rules imposed on him.

He is shown to be extremely passionate so it makes sense that he would use his endless fascination with medicine as a way to show his affection. He loves his friends so he will find a way to make them borderline indestructible. Malpractice is his love language.

[arthursfuckinghat]

I love how desperately he was trying to tell her without telling her, he's too polite to interrupt a lady

[thestarlightforge]

Edit: Tone Tag 😭 I am not yelling at y’all, I’m just exploding in my little gay disabled wandavision young avengers bubble. It’s all excitement/relief/love over here. 😊💙

JAC REPURPOSED WANDA’S CRAPPY RITUALISTIC AMNESIAC STORYLINE FOR GOOD

“JUST PRETEND I’M NOT HERE” JAC SCHAEFFER— 🫠

IT’S NOT TWO KIDS IN ONE BODY, THE HEX INDIRECTLY KILLED WILLIAM KAPLAN, BILLY MAXIMOFF IS REALLY BILLY WITH A REAL SOUL THAT HAD NO HOME—HE’S REALLY WANDA’S SON, TOMMY’S BROTHER

SOME OF HIS MEMORIES GOT MUDDLED AND HE LEARNED TO REPRESS SOME OF HIS MAGIC, BUT HE COULD BARELY EVEN GET OUT CALLING REBECCA “MOM” IN THE KAPLANS’ LIVING ROOM AND HE NEVER REMEMBERED WILLIAM KAPLAN’S LIFE—BECAUSE WANDA’S KIDS WERE REAL AND HERS, WHETHER 45 YEARS OF MISOGYNISTIC COMICS WRITERS LIKE IT OR NOT

“WHO ARE YOU?” “WILLIAM KAPLAN.” “SAY AGAIN?”

“I’M BILLY MAXIMOFF” AND

“I’M NOT THAT NICE” 😭

BILLY MAXIMOFF FELL IN LOVE WITH A BOY, HE DIDN’T JUST TAKE WILLIAM KAPLAN’S BOYFRIEND TO BLEND IN

JAC DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT TOMMY, NO ONE DID—THIS WHOLE THING IS FOR HIM AND HE’S EVERYWHERE

WILLIAM KAPLAN’S LAST WORDS WERE “MOM, LOOK OUT” AND

BILLY MAXIMOFF’S FIRST WORD OUTSIDE THE HEX

WAS “TOMMY” 😭

[shivroy]

season 1

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

[blackhholes]

teen wolf meme: [1/6] creatures -> berserkers

You ever heard of the Berserkers? Germanic warriors. They wore the skins of bears to channel their ferocity. They didn't just wear them- they became them. [...] With Berserkers, the human side doesn't last long-- they're not tempered by the moon.

[yore-donatsu]

Training sketches to know to draw the Omnic “Moses” and... I had fun giving it more human expressions (the ironyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !🤣)

[skrunksthatwunk]

landing

[aroaceleovaldez]

i just saw the FUNNIEST submission in the ship polls - not particularly because of the character combo, but just entirely because of the inferred ship name.

It was Will Solace x .... Bianca.

SOLANGELO TWO!

[mightybeaujester]

Comparing Mechs fans spotify wrapped with others shows us scientifically that we're something else

A friend of mine is in the top 0.05% of Sleeping At Last (almost 8mio monthly listeners) with 7.4k minutes

I'm just in the top 0.5% of the Mechanisms (36k monthly listeners) with 9.3k minutes

This means that you needed less minutes to be a way higher listener of an artist with 205 times as many listeners.

So there aren't many of us, but I can almost guarantee that not a single one of us is even remotely normal.

[akirathedramaqueen]

The Five Stages Of Grief: Verosika vs. Stolas

Alright, guys, it's time to play the complete denial card and ignore for a moment what we've just seen in the last short Viv dropped like a fucking nuke on our heads (seriously, this woman makes me swear more than a sailor).

Are we going to talk about something light? Ha-ha, you are looking at the angstiest person out here. Sorry. No relief for you.

But maybe some bits of analysis will do? Let's go.

The setup

Some time ago, I discussed how differently Stolas and Verosika react to their breakup with Blitz in response to one of my previous posts (it might be useful to read that to have the whole picture, but it's not crucial—here).

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 8:05

If we recap that reblog, I find that Stolas deals with his emotions much better and processes them in a more mature manner than Verosika does.

We could stop there, really, but I wanted to explore the situation from a different angle. Using the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief model, we can pull out more nuance from their actions and words.

They both went through a similar traumatic event—Blitzø hurt them in arguably one of the worst ways possible. The circumstances, Blitzø's intentions, and the outcomes are slightly different, but at their core, they are both left broken and deeply wounded.

Left: S2EP8, The Full Moon, 22:00 Right: S2EP9, Apology Tour, 18:03

So, what about their personalities makes their responses to trauma so contrasting?

Disclaimer about the model's credibility

This is probably me being overly pedantic, but I want to point out that this model is deemed to be popularized by the media, and professionals’ opinions are conflicted—some say it is accurate while others criticize it for its lack of flexibility or go as far as to say it has no application in real life. The studies are also inconclusive—there are papers both in favor of and against this model.

What am I trying to say here? This is a silly analysis about silly demons from a silly show, and if you do happen to unfortunately experience grief in any way (I am so sorry you have to go through this!), it is essentially experienced by all people differently. You should not feel bad if you skip stages or if their order is messed up.

Okay? <3 Okay. You’ve got this in your own way.

Tomorrow will be better than today.

Stolas: A Classic Way

One of the things I noted in my previous post is that Stolas immediately recognizes the pettiness of the party, and I praised his remarkable ability to see through the issues with such events.

The one day a year the spirits can rise amongst the living and it's spent celebrating mutual pettiness. S2EP9, Apology Tour, 6:55

And don’t get me wrong—his own way of dealing with problems is just drinking them away, and that’s not healthy. That’s why he actually belongs at this party.

But emotionally, Stolas is much more aware of what’s going on with him and the people around him. I think that despite his drinking problem, this awareness helps him process his own grief faster and find resolution—or at least an outlet—in just one night.

Let’s apply the five stages of grief model to him and see what’s going on.

Denial

You can see the denial seeping through during their morning conversation—there are moments when he clearly hopes Blitzø will suddenly listen to him and change his demeanor, despite Blitzø being consistent in his brashness and hostility.

Left: S2EP9, Apology Tour, 3:56 Right: S2EP9, Apology Tour, 4:23

Can you see the hope in his eyes? Can you see how ready he would be to brush off the whole shitshow happened between them just for Blitzø to take at least a bit of accountability or accept his feelings?

Additionally, although it doesn’t fit the term perfectly, we could stretch the concept a bit and say that the following lyrics below are somewhat denialish. Notice, by the way, that it’s not linear to the suggested model—you’ll see why later.

But I, I keep on waiting Waiting to want you less than I do And I do, oh, I do, yes I still do want you S2EP9, Apology Tour, 11:08

'Cause I am not a thief, but you were mine to earn S2EP9, Apology Tour, 11:42

He struggles to accept that the relationship has ended (we struggle too, baby owl, and we're not accepting it… but it gets worse before it gets better), and he still waits for Blitzø to return, maintaining a possessive feeling—“you were mine to earn.”

Anger

Stolas's anger is vastly different from Verosika's—I promise to elaborate on it later.

He uses his anger throughout the morning confrontation with Blitzø to protect himself from Blitzø's attacks and futile attempts to retain the status quo. His anger serves to assert that he is done with the transactional arrangement and Blitzø's behavior.

As shocking as this might seem, Blitzø, I don't think I'm in the mood to "do sex" with you. In fact, I don't think I'm even in the mood to do words with you! So, how about you respect that? S2EP9, Apology Tour, 0:57

[Stolas]: Get out. Right now! [Blitzø]: What?! [Stolas]: I'm tired of this! I'm uncomfortable how you're speaking to me now! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 2:24

And all of this happens just the night after that disastrous full moon meeting! Stolas is pissed off, and rightfully so. But he still gives Blitzø the chance to correct his behavior, explain, and apologize. He asks Blitzø to leave him in peace but stays to hear him out until it becomes clear that Blitzø is not going to relent or give in.

His anger is not used to destroy those he is angry with; rather, it is directed toward keeping himself whole—at least as much as possible.

Bargaining

The whole verse of All 2 U, where Stolas contemplates what went wrong and if there's something they could still do, represents him trying to bargain for a better future.

Maybe there's something here for us to glean? For you to teach and me to try and learn? S2EP9, Apology Tour, 11:32

Of course, this is also something very useful for when they come back together (not if!). Despite Blitzø being the focus in the Apology Tour episode, Stolas has a lot of work to do, too. And him realizing that is a positive step.

But for now, from the perspective we’re looking at, this is a clear sign of him trying to trade anything he can for their relationship to flourish.

Depression

Eventually, Stolas breaks down publicly. He can’t hold the mask on anymore; seeing Blitzø is unbearable, as it reminds him too much of everything that happened and everything that could’ve been.

You! Why are you here? I don't want you here, go home, please! Let me not feel so sad! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 15:50

And he manages to compose himself incredibly quickly…

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 16:07

It takes him just 17 seconds to fall into crying and calm himself. But there was more brewing beneath the surface—he just didn’t show it.

Calm yourself, young prince. You know excitement is unbecoming of a Goetia. S2EP1, The Circus, 00:20

Acceptance...?

Then there's the guy who received more hate than he (allegedly) deserved—Better Than Blitzo guy. He asks Stolas for a dance, and Stolas accepts. He seems to quite enjoy himself there, actually… maybe even a tad too much (arguably).

Well, I just wanted to see if... Maybe... I dunno... You'd wanna... Dance? S2EP9, Apology Tour, 16:16

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 19:08

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 20:08

Did he move on? Did he get over Blitzø? We don’t know. I don’t think so. But that dance was certainly an outlet. A relief he was ready to accept. He was ready not to dwell on negative emotions and allow himself to feel something good for a change.

Verosika: A scorched earth way

Now, let’s see how Verosika is doing after all these years post-breakup. Surely she can’t care less about Blitzø now, right?

Anger

Right… No petty feelings at all.

S1EP3, Spring Break, 8:13

There's still resentment...

A selfish imp in the sheets And just as bad in the streets A reckless, heartbreaking freak! S1EP7, Ozzie's, 11:54

Anger… to the murderous degree, actually…

Fuck Blitzo in the fucking ass! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 8:14

Disrespect...

That cock-sucking motherfucker! S2EP9, Apology Tour, 9:36

Remember when I said their anger is different?

She uses hers to fuel her determination to destroy Blitzø’s reputation. She uses her fame and all her resources to humiliate him.

She never moved past anger. Never really processed it.

But wait…

Acceptance?!

S2EP9, Apology Tour, 18:55

All it took was just one long-overdue genuine talk. The moment she saw Blitzø's remorse and let her feelings out, she immediately warmed up, stopped using his dead name, and even gave advice—it’s debatable whether it was the best one, but I believe she meant well for both Blitzø and Stolas.

Hold it, Blitzø. Y’know, if you wanna change, it just starts with saying: “Good for him, hope he gets laid.” S2EP9, Apology Tour, 19:18

You know, I feel there’s a good chance that the next anti-Blitzo party might not ever happen again.

Because she leaped through all the stages in one night, and, maybe not at that exact moment, but she is on the path to acceptance. Finally letting it go.

Baby, I'm not over it, but I'm over you.

Could've saved many years of simmering in rage and destructing herself over Blitzø though.

Conclusions

Oh shit, now I need to somehow connect all the dots, don’t I?

Well... *chuckles nervously* I guess I gotta put on my nerd glasses and pretend I knew what I was doing here and not just threw shit at the wall and saw what stuck.

What I really wanted to say is that Stolas is much more self-aware and was able to work through all his feelings and process them in one day. He went through the complete journey and made immense progress. We don’t know how it will go further, but from what we’ve seen, his emotional intelligence helps him, if not to avoid problematic behaviors like binge-drinking, then at least not to burn bridges behind him, leaving space for understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance.

It’s not to say that Verosika’s way of doing things was wrong because she was angry and skipped through some stages. It was wrong because she made her entire personality revolve around it, turning bringing Blitzø down in any way possible into her ultimate life goal. It was wrong because she never processed it.

And it shows why, even after the break-up, #stolitz can still work, given that Blitzø is open about how he feels and Stolas is open to listening to it.

AGAIN! There’s no right way to process grief. But there should be a priority to heal and accept instead of doubling down and ruining yourself and everything you cared for.

(I am watching you, Blitzø hater. Don’t you dare to shit on my poor lizard. He has his own heap of issues and has had enough after that fucking penguin slur short. So don’t. >:()

[yellowocaballero]

Naruto Roleswap AU: Kakashi's a wifeguy, Rin's a Girlboss, and Itachi gets adopted

“Do you think we’re the baddies?”

The Mizukage’s pen froze on her paperwork. She looked up and squinted at Kakashi, as if attempting valiantly to discern his twisted mind and failing utterly. “‘Baddies’?”

“You know,” Kakashi elaborated, “the bad guys. The bullies. People who enjoy indiscriminately murdering, maiming, genocide, the works.” 

The Mizukage looked appalled. “Of course we aren’t. Where did you get that idea?” Kakashi shrugged limply. “We’re working for world peace, Kakashi. Of course we’re the good guys. What else would we be?”

Kakashi scratched at his neck. “Do traditional definitions of world peace include putting the world under a mass genjutsu? Or destabilizing foreign governments?”

“We did those governments a favor,” the Mizukage said frankly. “Kiri’s prospering. And mass genjutsu is the only way to keep people from killing each other. Honestly, Kakashi, if there’s one good guy in the world then it’s us.”

“I thought that was Yahiko.”

“Us and Yahiko,” the Mizukage amended. She thought for a second. “And Tobi, of course.” She thought harder. “No, it’s unfair to put us on the same level as Yahiko and Tobi.”

“So we are the baddies.”

Kakashi and his girlfriend are in the market to adopt, and the Akatsuki is a great place to raise two rambunctious children. The consent of the children isn't neccesary for this. Oneesama knows best, and if you trust in the process then a beautiful utopia can become possible. Or, alternatively, if you don't care about the process or how many atrocities you commit, then you can put off killing yourself from sheer boredom for a few more years.

Tragedy plus time equals a comedy, and you can believe anything if you have no other choice.

This one's very different tonally from the rest of the AU, but that's what I like about it. I ended up really loving writing Kakashi, and I'll have to find the exuse to write more of this funny narration in the future. Parts of this crossover with the previous installment of this AU, and they're very much intended to be read side by side. The good guys sitting around sobbing from despair as the bad guys have yakety sax hijinks was very funny to me. 7k of Kakashi's Crippling Depression Adventures In The Akatsuki under the cut.

“Do you think we’re the baddies?”

The Mizukage’s pen froze on her paperwork. She looked up and squinted at Kakashi, as if attempting valiantly to discern his twisted mind and failing utterly. “‘Baddies’?”

“You know,” Kakashi elaborated, “the bad guys. The bullies. People who enjoy indiscriminately murdering, maiming, genocide, the works.” 

The Mizukage looked appalled. “Of course we aren’t. Where did you get that idea?” Kakashi shrugged limply. “We’re working for world peace, Kakashi. Of course we’re the good guys. What else would we be?”

Kakashi scratched at his neck. “Do traditional definitions of world peace include putting the world under a mass genjutsu? Or destabilizing foreign governments?”

“We did those governments a favor,” the Mizukage said frankly. “Kiri’s prospering. And mass genjutsu is the only way to keep people from killing each other. Honestly, Kakashi, if there’s one good guy in the world then it’s us.”

“I thought that was Yahiko.”

“Us and Yahiko,” the Mizukage amended. She thought for a second. “And Tobi, of course.” She thought harder. “No, it’s unfair to put us on the same level as Yahiko and Tobi.”

“So we are the baddies.”

“We’ve made some compromises,” the leader of the violent coup that overthrew Hanzo and made her a dictator of a hidden village allowed. “But anything’s worth it if it keeps the world safe, right?”

“Hm,” Kakashi said, contemplating the Kyuubi’s attack on the village and the Minato/Kushina dual murders. “Well, can’t argue with that.” 

“What a silly conversation.” The Mizukage went back to her paperwork, signing away at form after form. How she found the time to lead a village and shadow-lead the Akatsuki, Kakashi had no idea. Maybe she just didn’t need to sleep as often as the mere mortals. Jinchuuriki were so unfair. “Now, can you do me a favor and go pick up the baby ninja we manipulated into mass-murdering his family? He’s probably very stressed out right now, he could use some comfort.”

“I’ll drop him off with Konan.” Kakashi paused, then amended, “Yahiko.”

“Sounds great. Love you, Kakashi.”

Kakashi halted at the window, pulling his ceramic mask over his face. “Love you too, Rin.”

And, as Rin would proclaim: could you really be the baddie if you loved someone?

*

Truthfully, Itachi had barely left Konoha.

The kid had been locked in a permanent dissociative daze since he started his little genocidal adventure and it hadn’t quite lifted. He had clearly found an inn in the closest city on autopilot, paid for it via the multiple stab wounds and bloody cloak, and passed out. He had the presence of mind to perform basic first aid on himself, which was probably the only reason his wounds weren’t grievously infected. He was also pretty strung out, and clearly hadn’t slept in five days. In short, the kid had an altogether pathetic vibe to him. Kakashi would sympathize if he was the type.

Kakashi knocked on the door to Itachi’s room. He waited a polite thirty seconds before knocking again. Then he teleported the door into Kamui - he always made a little ‘yoink!’ sound effect in his head - and walked into the room. 

Itachi’s attempt at stabbing him was, frankly, tragic. The Uchiha must have been half grannies. Kakashi blocked the blow with his sheathed tanto, exquisitely bored, before pushing the boy backwards. Itachi turned his stumble into a flip and landed on the bed, already charging another fire jutsu in his hands. Some people really were overachievers. 

Kakashi sheathed his tanto and lazily raised both hands. “Is this how you welcome your friends, Itachi-kun?”

Itachi’s face was bone white, and his entire body was shaking. His first aid attempts were lacking. He needed a doctor badly. It was a testament to the sheer dissociative power of his insane little mind that he was conscious at all. “I have no friends.”

Objectively true statement. Kid caught on fast. “You have me, if that counts for anything.” Judging by Itachi’s murder eyes, it did not. “I’m a representative of an organization that’s interested in recruiting you. Why don’t you hear us out?”

“You know what I just did,” Itachi said dully. “No organization I should join would have me as a member. I’m uninterested. Leave.”

“Maa, that’s too bad.” Kakashi scratched at his neck, jostling his ceramic mask. “You don’t want to see your friend again? What was his name - Shisui Uchiha?”

Itachi froze. The fire jutsu flared upwards, and his Sharingan began to spin. 

“Relax, we didn’t kidnap him. We rescued him. Like we’re interested in rescuing you.” Kakashi held out his hand, tilting his head. “Nobody in this world will help you now, Itachi-kun. Nobody but us. We will help you.”

Itachi pulled backwards, mouth thinning, but Kakashi could see it. He knew how Itachi wanted to lean in. He was thirteen years old and his parents were dead. Never mind the details. “Will you take me to Shisui?”

“Sure. We got the best doctor in the continent too.”

The conclusion was foregone. Itachi had no other choice. He was alone, and he was dying, and he didn’t care if he died. People like that always took the first hand that came along. It was the best time to nab people: when they were at their most vulnerable, their most susceptible, their most trusting. Ask Kakashi how he knew. Better yet - don’t. 

Itachi took Kakashi’s hand, and he teleported them both away. 

*

Akatsuki HQ was nice digs. 

For Ame. By the standards of anywhere that wasn’t Ame, it was the dreariest yet most nondescript building anybody had ever seen. The sky was always dark grey and the clouds were always pouring rain. The buildings had a pre-fab brutalist flair and you could always count on some ominous lightning to provide atmosphere. Ame permanently felt like the setting of a horror movie. Seeing as Kakashi’s life was a horror movie, it had to feel a little appropriate. 

But Yahiko brought the sunshine. Wherever he went was all good weather. Shaking his hand made you feel as if the sun was shining, and when he entered a room he brought blue skies. It was like the rain didn’t even pour on it. He reminded Kakashi of Tobi’s best friend, which was the most back-handed compliment you could give a person. 

The major difference between the two was that everybody liked Yahiko. Ame had one political party and it was the cult of Yahiko. Konan would blow up a small village for him. Even Rin waved her M/F/M/F polycule books in his face and gave him significant eyebrows. If Rin died overnight, he was their best hope for world peace. No genjutsu necessary - just sheer force of personality and beautiful vibes.

Personally, Kakashi just liked how easy he was to manipulate.

“Konoha made him do what?” Yahiko gasped. “Those bastards! They call themselves the nice village?”

Kakashi shrugged. “What can I say. We defected for a reason.” 

“That’s disgusting. They’d make a thirteen year old do that to his own family? He’s a child!” Yahiko chewed at his thumbnail, thinking furiously. “Even Kiri at its worst never forced its children to cleanse their own bloodline! After what they did to your teammate, too…maybe it’s just something about those Uchihas.”

“Guess we don’t have to worry about them anymore,” Kakashi said diplomatically. 

They were waiting in the hallway outside of Itachi’s operating room. Yahiko had done the absolute predictable and called Rin the second he saw Kakashi lugging a half-dead teenager into his HQ. She flew in like an angel and descended on the poor child in her infinite grace, earning Yahiko’s eternal gratefulness for her beneficence upon the infant he had met five seconds ago and loved as if he was his own. What could Kakashi say? Some people were heavenly spirits walking the earth. 

“We can bring him into Ame for sure,” Yahiko said, truly fired up. Kakashi hadn’t even asked? “I’ve invented this new thing, I’ve tentatively named it therapy no jutsu, and I think Itachi-kun would be a perfect early adopter. I have this dream, right, that we can take insane people and make them less insane -”

“Sounds like a great idea,” Kakashi lied. Spirits above, what a freak. “Why don’t you go get Itachi’s new citizenship settled out? My partner and I will catch him up to speed.”

“Good idea. I’m not doing much just loitering around like this.” Yahiko nodded professionally at him, and Kakashi bowed back. As always, Yahiko ruined any sense of propriety with a bright smile. “Then we’ll finally go on that double date, right? Rin-sama and I have been trying to find a time that works with our schedules for ages. We’re thinking that seafood place near the harbor.”

No. The double date was not happening. The double date would never happen. Because Kakashi knew full well what Rin and Konan were angling for and he was not going along with it. Even if Yahiko and Konan were admittedly kinda - 

The door opened, saving Kakashi from a train of thought even worse than the denial. Rin poked her head out, sweaty but fresh and smiling. Yahiko immediately smiled at her, and she smiled happily back at him. Like Kakashi, she was dressed down in her Akatsuki gear. She didn’t wear a mask in her Mizukage or her Akatsuki get-up, but at Akatsuki HQ she tended to pass herself off as an unassuming household medic. After all this time, Rin was still excellent at playing innocent. 

“Itachi-kun’s well enough to receive visitors,” Rin said cheerfully. “Do you want to meet him, Yahiko-sama?” 

Yahiko pumped his fist, grinning. “Yeah! We’ll give him a real Akatsuki welcome!”

As it turned out, a ‘real Akatsuki welcome’ involved mochi. Itachi stared at it, flabbergasted. He still looked pale, but Kakashi could tell that Rin had done her usual excellent job - his body seemed to be free of injuries, and he probably felt like a spring chicken. She had moved him from the ominous operating room (never there for a good reason; bad vibes) into the infirmary (worse than the operating room because you were generally awake to experience it; atrocious vibes)

“I’m so sorry to hear about your family, Itachi-kun,” Yahiko said firmly, shoving the mochi at Itachi. Itachi blinked at it, somehow violently. Rin sympathetically took the box and placed it at his bedside. “We know how hard losing your family can be.”

Itachi stared at Yahiko for a long second. Finally, he rasped, “I killed my family.” 

“Konoha forced you to kill your family,” Yahiko corrected. “It’s hardly your fault, Itachi-kun. You were manipulated. You can��t ever forget who your real enemies are.”

“Or your real friends,” Rin said gently. She sat down next to Itachi, blasting her best ‘soft and motherly’ smile at him full throttle. “You can call me Rin-san, Itachi-kun. The man in the mask is my partner Hound, and the ray of sunshine over there is the leader of Ame, Yahiko-sama. If I know him correctly, I can guess he already has a proposition for you.” 

Itachi immediately shook his head, pushing himself fully upright. “I’m not interested in any -”

Rin put a hand on his chest and gently pushed him back down. Itachi fell back onto the bed, shocked by the force. “Just hear us out.” 

Itachi’s eyes flickered to Kakashi. He undoubtedly recognized him, Hound mask or clean faced. Kakashi winked at him. Itachi’s eyebrows tilted. Long experience with Uchihas helped him interpret the gesture. Kakashi held up one finger. Patience. 

“You’re welcome to live in Ame if you want, Itachi-kun. We’ll protect you. But I have another proposal for you.” Wow. Wonder what that would be. It couldn’t possibly be the same proposal Rin had been hinting at ever since Kakashi lugged Itachi’s sorry ass back to the village. “Are you a pacifist, Itachi-kun?”

Itachi was silent. His eyebrows screamed - ‘I killed my family!’.

Amazingly, Yahiko was able to interpret that. Must be Konan’s influence. She was a stoic one. And somewhat surly. “Only those who’ve experienced the worst violence know the value of true peace. Those of us who truly seek peace and prosperity have all experienced the worst of humanity. Your experiences are why I think you can become a pacifist who can protect your precious people. That can become the purpose of your life.”

It was abundantly clear that Itachi did not give a single fuck about any sort of philosophy right now. The second Rin removed her hand he forced himself upright again, and he ignored her danger eyebrows. One was only foolish enough to ignore those once, Itachi. “Where’s Shisui.”

Yahiko glanced at Rin, frowning lightly. “Do you know who that is?”

“Remember the half-dead kid Hound fished from the river?” Rin said cheerfully. Yahiko made a noise of comprehension. “Apparently he’s a Uchiha too. He faked his death before the massacre. He’s the reason why Hound investigated the massacre at all. He’s been in a coma since we rescued him. He didn’t have to work very hard to fake his death - he was very badly hurt.” She looked down at Itachi, who was pale with shock. “Would you like to see him? He’s in the long-term infirmary in the other room.”

Dumbly, Itachi nodded. Kakashi silently tallied up the lies and omissions of truth in those sentences. Nowhere near her best, but not nothing. 

“Then I’ll get somebody on Itachi-kun’s citizenship paperwork.” Yahiko jokingly half-saluted, which was a terrible look on a leader of a city state. “I’ll put Itachi-kun’s future in your capable hands, Rin-sama.”

Rin smiled gently at Yahiko. “There’s nothing I value more.”

They waited until Yahiko had left the room and his chakra signature had long since retreated before Rin spoke again. Itachi was looking increasingly wild, and when he forced himself to stand up Rin didn’t stop him. She just rose with him, carefully straightening the infirmary bed behind him. 

“Yahiko-sama truly is one of the kindest people I know,” Rin said to Itachi. He still looked a little flabbergasted by the welcome. It was all in the eyebrows. “You’ll see things our way. Everybody does eventually.”

“Darling, let’s save talk like that for after the recruitment.”

“What did I say?” Rin asked, for all appearances genuinely surprised. “Isn’t it a good thing that people agree with us?”

Yes, after the - let’s count it, the military coups, manipulations, genjutsus, etc, etc…

“Can’t argue with that,” Kakashi said blandly. 

Itachi brushed past them both and walked towards the long-term infirmary door, opening it immediately and walking inside. Guess they had been too busy teaching this kid how to kill people instead of any manners.

Atrociously, Rin crossed her arms and sighed fondly. “He really reminds you of him, huh?”

“If I remember correctly, that seems to be the whole problem.” Kakashi shot Rin a canny look, who looked innocently up at the ceiling. “No adoption.”

“You’re always saying some needy orphan will come our way! He’s the definition of a needy orphan, isn’t he?”

“Darling, he killed his parents.”

Frankly, Rin said, “He’s not special.”

True but very unwelcome sentence. As usual.

Rin was good on her promises, as always. Shisui was the sole inhabitant of the long-term infirmary, hooked up to a few monitors but otherwise sleeping peacefully. He seemed completely cured of his extensive injuries. His face was flush with color and both of his eyes were intact. A testament to Rin’s skill - he had been found gripping one eye in a chakra-infused bubble. But she had some practice with fucked up Sharingan transplants. It had taken years before she figured out how to undo Madara’s patchwork job and re-implanted Kakashi’s eye with a functional chakra network. 

Itachi was already at Shisui’s bedside. The kid had his Sharingan activated, scanning his body for injuries and finding none. Kakashi idly wondered whose Mangeyko was stronger. Itachi probably beat him out by virtue of having two and his ability to summon Susanoo, but kamui was a far more useful skill than Amaterasu or some lame torture dimension. As always, Obito was the best. Or he would be, if he was intact.

“He’s healthy.” Again, only long experience with Obito gave Kakashi the ability to interpret his frustration. “Why is he still asleep.”

“Oh, that’s all me,” Rin said cheerfully. “The coma is artificially induced.”

In the course of a millisecond, Itachi’s kunai were flying. Kakashi was faster. He opened up kamui and swallowed up the kunai. Itachi paused half a second, stunned and confused. It was more than enough time for Kakashi to press his own kunai to Itachi’s neck, standing behind Itachi with his other arm looped over his neck.

“You aren’t irreplaceable, Itachi,” Kakashi panned. “There’s a spare. Right?”

Itachi froze. Rin titled her eyebrows at Kakashi, relentlessly good cop’ing. “Let’s not threaten our new recruit, Hound. Let’s all put the kunai away and talk like civilized ninjas, huh?”

 Seeing as Itachi’s kunai had been warped to the Box Dimension (Feat. Box, Guest Starring Box), the comment had been directed at him. Kakashi stepped away from Itachi, making a show of putting away his kunai and returning to Rin’s side. More than one person had remarked how accurate his codename was. Got funnier each time. Not. 

“Here’s the shakedown, Itachi-kun. Listen closely.” Rin sat down at Shisui’s bedside, graceful and refined. “You’re alone in the world. Yes or no?”

Itachi, standing at the opposite side of Shisui’s bed, stared at her in hostility. 

“You’re a missing nin. You’re probably already in the Bingo Book with an SSS class bounty on your head. Yes or yes?”

Itachi was silent.

“It must be scary. But Konoha’s still backing you, isn’t it?” Rin hid a smile behind a hand. “You’ve been instructed to act as a spy when necessary. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were even asked to infiltrate our organization in a few years. Yes?”

Itachi was silent. He was thirteen, and he was scared.

“They’re still relying on your naivete, Itachi. After everything they’ve asked of you they still want more. They will ask for more, and more, and more. Until they ask for your death. And you intend on giving it to them, don’t you?” Rin shook her head, tsk’ing. “What a waste. The good you can do…the peace you can bring, the people you can help…the reason why you’re a genius in the first place. You’ll never realize it. You could have truly helped people, and you let the evil people use you for evil instead. It’s unfair.”

Itachi looked away, jaw clenching. He was thirteen, and he was insecure. 

Rin leaned forward, eyes arresting Itachi in place. He could not know why they felt so powerful, why Rin’s sheer presence carried such incredible weight. Maybe the weight would feel like the weight of her words - powerful, affecting, true. 

“You don’t have to make a decision now,” Rin said gently. “Spend some time here. Recover from your ordeal. Get some rest. You can make your decision when you’re ready, alright?”

And Yahiko said that he had invented therapy-no-jutsu. Rin was the undisputed master. 

Itachi looked down at Shisui. He could have been sleeping. But Kakashi knew what Itachi was seeing: his best friend killing himself, falling into the river. His pleading not to listen to Danzo. Ineffectual, in the end. Perhaps this was destiny. 

Maybe the Uchiha were always in a state of dying, died, dead. Maybe they would continuously live out this immortal cycle of fatality. Chained by their hatred. Imprisoned by their love. It was the sickest combination of all. Kakashi would know.

“Why are you keeping him in a coma?” Itachi rasped. “What do you want?”

Wow, two question marks from him. New record. Rin’s eyes flickered to Kakashi, and he took his cue. Blandly, he said, “No offense, but you have a history of double crossing. We wanted some insurance. You don’t sell us out to Konoha and we take good care of your bestie. Fair trade.”

Itachi’s expression darkened. “You’re blackmailing me.”

“If we were blackmailing you, we’d be making you join us now.” Kakashi shrugged one shoulder. “We want you to make a choice. We’re just taking care of Shisui-kun until you do.”

And, in the end, Itachi didn’t hesitate. Maybe that was his problem. Maybe it always would be. Five days of no sleep and a Uchiha’s love and a ninja’s tendency to choose violence first - shaken and stirred, you ended up with a dangerously impulsive thirteen year old. The importance of the thirteen year old aspect here really couldn’t be understated. 

“I’ll join,” Itachi said immediately. “I’ll do whatever you want. Just wake up Shisui.”

Hilariously, Rin looked crestfallen. “We aren’t trying to blackmail you, Itachi-kun. A mission of peace and goodness can’t start on a bedrock of pain. How about you take some time and -”

“I don’t care.” Wow. Nobody interrupted Rin anymore. “I don’t care about anything anymore. I will kill whoever you want. I will be whatever you want. Wake him up.”

Rin pressed her hands to her cheeks, sighing. “Oh, you are just too cute! You’re like a little copy of Hound! Hound, don’t you see why -”

“This is a bad start to that sort of relationship.”

“Oh, what does that matter!”

A lot, Rin. It mattered a lot.

Meanwhile, Itachi was looking increasingly frustrated (eyebrows at 20 degree angle instead of 15). “Wake him up.”

Wow. That was dangerously close to an inflection. Rin just tilted her head, affecting a somewhat thoughtful look. “I don’t think I will, actually.” Itachi’s face did a dangerous thing. “Calm down. Let’s say…in a month? That seems fair.”

Itachi clenched his jaw. What could he say? It was either Shisui waking up in a month or not at all. If Rin wanted to stretch this out for half a year, she could. Goodness knows she could keep Itachi on the hook for that long. Under other circumstances she would probably do it. But keeping Shunshin no Shisui off the board for that long was a stupid move. Privately, Kakashi thought he might be a bit of a wild card. Shisui was even more idiotically loyal to his village than Itachi. He definitely loved his family more, and he might have beef about the clan genocide thing. They couldn’t exactly genjutsu him into submission. But Rin was confident in her ability to control him - sorry, ‘recruit him’ - and Kakashi would always follow her lead.

“Why.”

Rin affected a look of surprise. “Didn’t your parents ever punish you? Maybe you were an obedient boy, but I hear the Uchiha have a ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ philosophy.”

Yeah, Obito had been beaten by his Uchiha mentors regularly. Team Minato all knew and none of them talked about it. Much later, Rin told him that Minato had tried speaking to Obito’s family about it and had gotten royally shut down. Rin always healed him in silence, and Kakashi already read out passages from his mystery novels that were guaranteed to drive Obito insane with their stupidity. 

Tobi cried when people yelled at him. Surprise, surprise. 

“You are not my parents,” Itachi said harshly. Not if Rin had anything to say about it. “You look twenty three. Do not play pretend.”

“Wow,” Kakashi said. “That was so accurate. The white hair always throws people off.”

Rin just looked a little crushed. “I guess onee-sama’s alright for now.”

“What did I do.”

For the first time, Rin sobered. She leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees, and brought the full force of her deceptive brown eyes down upon Itachi. He probably wasn’t used to such power anymore. He couldn’t possibly identify it. Kakashi wondered idly if Rin was scarier than Danzo. Damn, he hoped so. If she wasn’t…well, he’d learn.

Crisply, Rin said, “You were given explicit instructions not to hurt Obito Uchiha.”

It was clearly not what Itachi expected to hear. His eyebrows furrowed minutely. “How did you know that.”

“How did we know about the true nature of the massacre at all?” Rin asked rhetorically, dodging the question. “You were told to use Tsukuyomi to place him under a non-tortuous genjutsu. You ended up fighting him. I saw his injuries.” Left unsaid: yeah, and they had seen Itachi’s injuries too. Only half of them were from killing 200 plus people. The other half was from one extremely angry guy. “It was against instructions.”

“Your instructions?” Itachi asked sharply. “What -”

“Of course not,” Rin blatantly lied. “Many people are interested in keeping Obito Uchiha intact. You shouldn’t have touched him.”

“He broke out of the Tsukuyomi. It should have been impossible.” Itachi frowned lightly. “Sparing Sasuke is explainable. It would have been suspicious if I had left Tobi untouched.”

“A lack of injuries could have been explained as a complete avoidance of a fight. Injuries implied that he fought you and won. It’s more suspicious.” Left unsaid: Rin had been harvesting a shitton of eyes and swooped in at the last minute to heal his injuries before anybody noticed. Entirely possible that Obito thought the entire fight was one awful dream. Sure as hell had repressed way more minor shit. 

“It should have been impossible to break free of the Tsukuyomi,” Itachi repeated. “He possessed the Mangekyo and an arm that could imitate the Mokuton. That should have also been impossible. I came far closer to losing that fight than I should have. That should have been impossible too. At his prime - perhaps. But not now. He clearly does not know he can protect himself. That is why Shisui and I -” Itachi stopped short, and did not resume speaking.

Kakashi stuck his hands in his pockets, slouching magnificently. “You tried to negotiate to spare Obito Uchiha too, didn’t you?” Itachi’s lips thinned. Rin’s expression softened, which was the real reason for saying it. “Of course they didn’t let you. The village has wanted him out of the way for years. He’s an embarrassment. And Danzo’s always suspected that he had an undisclosed gift. But he’s one of three people left who you love, isn’t he?” Rough not to count his parents - he probably thought he did love his parents - but the truth was the truth. “It’s not too late to make up for what you’ve done. How you almost killed him. We can help you protect him.”

“And what do you have to gain from that.”

“You have people you love who can’t give anything in return,” Rin said softly. “Is it so strange that we feel the same?”

Itachi hesitated. Conflict warred in his countenance. Goes to show - when he’s actually in the  process of being convinced, he’s far less compliant. Maybe they should have just told him to shut up and get with the program. But Rin did have ‘Rin-oneesama’ dreams. Couldn’t crush those.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head. “Of course, you tortured Sasuke Uchiha into becoming a tool for your suicide for…power or something? Who knows. So maybe you don’t know.” Ah, there was the good old Itachi Uchiha self-hatred. Kakashi could read this kid like a book already. “Don’t blame us for wanting a little insurance. With the program?”

Quietly, Itachi said, “Yes.”

“That’s a yes, sir.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Address Rin-sama first, usually.”

Itachi turned to Rin and bowed at the waist.  “Yes, Rin-sama.”

“You are so cute,” Rin gushed. “Why don’t you run off and get the grand tour of the place from Yahiko? He’s always wanted a kid around to big brother. It’ll be a lot of fun for you, promise!” Lie. Yahiko was overwhelming when he decided to big brother you. Nagato had probably killed himself in self-defense.

“Yes, Rin-sama.”

“He’s so polite, Hound!”

Rin in a nutshell. 

As Itachi’s hand lingered on the doorknob, he turned back to look at Shisui one last time. It was clear he wanted to stay in the room with him. It was clear that he didn’t want to leave. But Itachi understood that he had jumped from the frying pan into the cleansing fire, and the bright boy already knew the score. When he returned to the long-term infirmary the door would be locked. He would know better than to try and unlock it. Rin really was a little pissy about the Obito thing. 

They waited a little while for Itachi to leave earshot before speaking again. Rin smiled, clapping her hands. “What did I tell you, Kakashi? He’s just too cute! Doesn’t he need a helping hand?”

“Slow your roll,” Kakashi drawled. “He needs a master more than love right now. He won’t believe he deserves the love. He only understands a master. I know a dog when I see one.”

“That’s why we’re a tag team.” Rin winked at him. It was adorable. “A master holds a leash to contain their hound. But the hound that truly loves the master stays at his side voluntarily.”

They really had to do something about his codename. But, of course, that had been the point. Although he knew it would be completely pointless, Kakashi said, “So the Infinite Tsukuyomi plan…which one do you think that might be? The leash or the love?”

“It’s both. A leash is the kindest thing you can do for humanity. Stops them from running off cliffs, getting run over by carriages, running afoul of cruel humans…you have to train with a leash before a hound is ready to run on its own.” Rin sighed, leaning on the nightstand and looking at Shisui. “But the regular person won’t understand that. We have to save them one person at a time until we can save the world. We saved Itachi from those monstrous, uncaring Uchiha. He’ll understand that one day. Everybody deserves a utopia except the system that would ruin it, right?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Sure.”

Rin shot him a flat look. “One of these days I’ll convince you to have an opinion about something.”

“I have an opinion about you and Obito,” Kakashi said cheekily, and he was rewarded with a soft smile. Granted, it was indistinguishable from her fake ones, but he had the benefit of trust. “Speaking of which, I think I’ll go visit him. Want to come with?”

But Rin just looked away, ghosting a hand over Shisui’s prone face. “No. If you say he’s safe, he’s safe.”

Kakashi lowered his voice. This, of all things, was her one true point of vulnerability. But Obito had always been their weakness. “You deserve to see him.” Rin’s hand halted over Shisui’s nose and mouth. “You aren’t dirty, Rin.”

“I’m weak,” Rin said softly. She placed her hand over Shisui’s nose and mouth. “If I saw him…I’d ruin it all.”

She pressed down. 

“You’re the strongest person I know. Seeing his face might make this easier to bear.” Shisui’s chest began to rise and fall faster and faster, struggling for breath. “You should at least try.”

“When the world is good,” Rin whispered. “When we have a world good enough for him. Obito or Tobi…I’ll create a world where either can be happy. One where he can be whoever he wants to be. He’ll feel safe. That’s when I will be able to face him again.”

And, left unsaid: only an Infinite Tsukuyomi could create that world. Nothing less than a completely controlled utopia could create a world where Obito Uchiha could be himself. In that way, it was all for him.

Of course, that would leave them with a secondary problem - i.e. he would probably be terrified of them. Because they were the baddies. 

Eh. Obito was nuts too. Maybe he’d roll with it. All else fails, they could just have Shisui genjutsu him. It didn’t matter. What did?

“Call me selfish,” Kakashi drawled, sticking his hands in his pockets, “but I hope he chooses Obito. Things could be…a little closer to our hopes and dreams that way.”

If Obito was terrified of them, Tobi was all they would ever get. Sacrifices and compromises must be made. And hopes and dreams would forever remain far away.

Rin smiled, sticking out her tongue at him. “We love him no matter what,” Rin said loyally. She paused a beat. “But…call me selfish too.”

Shisui’s chest grew still. Boredly, Rin’s hand glowed with green chakra, and his heart beat again. He gasped for breath, unconscious yet fighting for his life, and his breaths evened out again. He would never even know.

Kakashi saluted her, and she blew him a kiss, and he disappeared into the world that he and Obito shared. Even if he didn’t know it yet. 

*

Who was the worse person: the woman who thought her actions were helping the world, or the man who knew their actions were evil and simply didn’t care?

Of course, this was not a question Kakashi cared about either. He always ended up asking himself these questions, because despite everything he was a chronic thinker, but he alway dismissed them just as easily. They never captured his attention. Almost nothing did, save Rin and Obito. 

And maybe Yahiko and Konan, just a bit. A little bit more every day. Some distant part of Kakashi was horrified by that. Again, most of him didn’t care. He and that sulky Konan had an understanding. 

The one man Kakashi cared about (Yahiko did not count) was sitting in a hard plastic chair in a hospital room. A child was lying in a hospital bed. Probably Sasuke, recovering from his brother’s torture genjutsu. Kakashi’s eyes glossed over him. As always, there was a helpful branch outside the window, and Kakshi settled in to watch. 

Obito - might as well call him Tobi, for clarity’s sake - seemed very out of it. He should probably be in his own hospital bed, but there was no way he would stay in another room when a baby cousin needed him by his side. So tsundere but so caring. Kakashi missed Obito’s unique brand of care. The world had tried to beat it out of him, but it just couldn’t be suffocated. How often had he scorned Rin and Kakashi for their weakness, yet took every hit for them he could in battle?  How many lunches had he packed, civilians had he rescued, lectures he had inflicted upon Kakashi about how his laziness was going to kill him?

Kakashi hesitated. He…he really wanted…

Obito had lost everything, and today he had lost the rest. His family was extinct and featured only two incompetent children. Kakashi…wanted to…

Would Rin scold him for going against orders? Undoubtedly. Who was the worse person: the woman who thought her actions were helping the world, or the man who knew their actions were evil and simply didn’t care? The woman who thought she was helping Obito, or the man who knew that they were only hurting him and simply hurt him more?

Because it was Obito, it was a question that Kakashi bothered to answer. The man who tortured him with full understanding that they were torturing him was far worse. He could stop at any time - he knew how to stop, he knew that he only needed to break away from his mindless obedience to Rin - but he never would. That would involve making his own decisions. Can’t have that.

It was a useless question anyway. Obito would never forgive either of them. And yet, Kakashi wanted…

Kakashi balanced delicately on the windowsill. He tapped on the window three times, and when Tobi didn’t respond he disarmed the security seals and let himself in. 

Only then did Tobi respond. Barely. He roused himself, blinking sleepily at the intruder in a dark cloak with red clouds and a white mask. He probably should have dressed up as an ANBU, but - well, too late now. 

Immediately, Kakashi let his Sharingan spin. He cast a minor genjutsu over Tobi - there was no minor genjutsu with the Mangekyo, but it was the best he could do. Their eyes were equally matched…obviously…but between the shock and the tiredness and barely healed injuries Kakashi’s eye came out on top. 

Tobi’s eyes immediately unfocused, and he slumped a little in his seat. The genjutsu didn’t do much - it would make this event feel unreal, closer to a dream. Prevent him from panicking or remembering this encounter too well. Alright. That worked, somehow. Bizarre to get one up on Obito. Should have felt more satisfying. Really didn’t. Kakashi just felt kind of awkward now.

Unlike Rin, he had never…really interacted with Tobi. He saw other people interacting with him all the time, but Kakashi never had the pleasure. How did other people talk to him? Smaller words, simple sentences, clear directions? Kakashi could tell that it took practice for most people. He had no idea how to do it.

Since Obito was obviou - maybe - anyway, since Obito was more mentally present than he seemed, Kakashi would just talk normally and not care. But a) Obito was committed to this bit - uh, better at understanding things than he appeared to be, and would act as if he didn’t understand anyway, and b) there was no possible way that Obito was home right now. If Obito was ever home, obviously. But Obito had been home less and less as the years went by, and Kakashi could already tell that he would withdraw deep inside of himself for a while. 

Uh. What did he do. What did he do. Act as if he was talking to a dog, maybe? Kakashi knew dogs. He knew Rin and he knew dogs. Was that condescending?! Without a doubt, but - ah, fuck it. Kakashi couldn’t believe he was feeling some sort of anxiety about this. When was the last time he had felt anxiety? When he and Rin spent way too long trying to exterminate Zetsu from this green earth?

“Hey, Tobi,” Kakashi said softly. “How…are you?”

Tobi just frowned. Kakashi wanted to spin his Sharingan, remember the sight of him so close and speaking to him forever, but that would be more than suspicious. “Who are you?”

“A friend.” Would even Tobi buy that?! “Are you okay? You seem like you’ve been through a lot.” Did that work? Damn, at least he could normally depend on Obito to filter this shit. “Um. I know you’re hurt.”

“Tobi’s not okay,” Tobi said frankly. He looked over at Sasuke, sleeping so peacefully. So he either bought it or didn’t give a shit. Relatable. “Tobi’s not gonna be okay again.”

“That’s not true. One day everything will be okay.” A lump formed in Kakashi’s throat, and he forced himself to swallow it down. “I know it hurts now. But it has to hurt now.”

“Why?” Tobi asked. So plaintively. He didn’t understand.

And Kakashi could only hesitate. How could he explain this? How could he possibly explain the true nature of the world in a way that Tobi - right here, right now - could understand? Sacrifices and compromises had to be made. Kakashi and Rin were the only ones who knew that. 

Maybe Rin was good at explaining it. But she was a zealot - a fanatic who truly believed what she was saying. She was persuasive, earnest, manipulative. Kakashi was absolutely none of these things. And everybody said she had been good with Tobi. She would have been able to explain the world in her simple, beautiful way. Kakashi thought too much. He always had. There was nothing else to do, staring at clouds.

Slowly, Kakashi said, “You know how…when you break a bone, and it heals badly. You have to break it again so it sets right?” Tobi frowned, but he nodded. So he still remembered the many, many, many broken bones he had suffered. “It’s like that. The world has to heal. So it must be broken. When it heals, we’ll all be happy. Got it?”

But Tobi just frowned. Damn, and Kakashi had been pretty proud of that one. “Itachi-kun broke. Is he gonna heal?”

Kakashi hesitated. Rin would have said yes. Rin would genuinely believe that this suffering was necessary to heal Itachi, and that through her loving oneesama guidance he would become happy and fulfilled. Kakashi couldn’t say the same. What the kid needed was retirement and flower garden and a normal-ass foster parent, not a war under another flag. 

Well, time to pull an old Rin special. Also, like, a frequent tactic anybody used when dealing with Tobi. 

“Sure,” Kakashi lied. “Wait a little bit. He’ll become your friend again. You’ll like that, right?” Tobi nodded eagerly. Wow, he was stupid. “Do you…want to see your friends again?” Tobi nodded even more empathetically. “I can show you your friends again.”

Kakashi hadn’t thought about the words before he said them. Maybe Tobi was contagious like that. But Tobi’s unfocused eyes were already widening, his posture straightening a little. “Gai’s here too?”

And before he could think about it, before he could realize what a bad idea it was, Kakashi stretched out his hand. He found his voice lowering, falling into a gentle lilt. “I can take you to Itachi-kun. But I can take you to Shisui too. And Rin. And…Kakashi. Would you like that?”

Tobi looked a little skeptical. Well, even he understood the concept of mortality. “Shisui-kun and Rin-chan and Kakashi-kun are dead. Um, that’s why I have their stuff. And why Kakashi-kun’s house is lonely.”

“Minato-sen - your sensei and your nee-chan are dead.” Rin would say good riddance. Kakashi - eh. “But Shisui and Rin and Kakashi just went somewhere else. I can take you to them. Is that what you want?”

“Someplace else?” Tobi asked, eyes widening. “No…I saw them…”

“Just a bad dream,” Kakashi said. “That’s all.” He stretched his hand out further, leaving it in early reach of Tobi. “You can at least see them. Just to be sure. Then you can see for yourself that they’re okay. We’ll be quick.”

Tobi's face was so innocent. It was impressive - the clearest contrast to Rin’s own innocent face. There was no similarity. It shouldn’t be true. Weren’t they equally…?

Tobi reached out to Kakashi. Kakashi held his breath. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted this. This, this one thing, this desire - so overpowering, like a raging flame, like a bolt of lightning. It was addictive. If Obito just came home, then -

Tobi froze. “What about Sasuke?”

“What about him?” Kakashi asked blankly. 

And Tobi’s hand retreated. He looked to the bed, at the sleeping child. “If Tobi goes, Sasuke’s alone. I can’t let him be hurt alone. He needs me.” Tobi looked back at Kakashi, shaking his head firmly. “Tobi’s friends don’t need Tobi. Sasuke needs me. Tobi’s sorry, Dog-man, but Tobi can’t leave.”

Of course he couldn’t. He wouldn’t be the Obito they knew if he could. He wouldn’t be the man he and Rin loved if he made that choice.

If there were baddies, there were good guys. That was inherent. Obito was, and always would be, a good guy. That - and only that - would always keep them apart. 

“Your friend will be watching over you,” Kakashi rasped. “Always. So…don’t be sad. And don’t be scared. Your friends are doing it all for you.”

Tobi…squinted at him. For just a second, his eyes seemed clear. “Doing what?”

Uh oh. Kakashi cast a hasty genjutsu, and Tobi - Obito? Just for a second? - slumped in his seat. Kakashi stepped through kamui into…Kamui, just as quickly. This had been his worst idea of the last two years, which said a gratuitous amount.

Why was Rin breaking the bone? Well, for world peace. Love, friendship, harmony, death to the real baddies, etc. For Obito. For a world that deserved him, and where he could feel safe. Where Tobi could put Tobi down and become Obito again, if that was what he wanted. If he could. If that wasn’t possible - if Kakashi and Rin were too late to save him - then all Rin wanted was to create a world where Tobi could live happily and safely.

Why was Kakashi doing this? So he could be with Rin and Obito.

And the worse person of the two was obvious.

[thatneoncrisis]

every day i remember the Japanese tlt covers and put my head in my hands (nuance in tags)

[sntoot]

emailing this to klaus in an attempt to give him psychological damage

[mamawasatesttube]

postcrisis era is my favorite for a lot of reasons but chief among them is the tangled mess of everyones relationships in the era after kon's death. can you imagine being kara and being told that one of your closest friends on earth, one of your only friends on earth, has realized she actually was just using you as a stand-in for the cousin you barely got to know before he died? the cousin you've been grieving because you didn't get to know him, but everyone around you loved him, and now you're told you're just a substitute for him in your dear friend's eyes. and she knows that's not fair to you, but what can she do? she's grieving, too. and you just have to live with that, somehow.