#it's just how I use tumblr really it's a habit
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dr9com9ge-ix · 3 days ago
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Apparently Sprunki is getting a remaster and Nyanio has said that that they'll be replacing Wenda bc she's the worst of the content farms
Thoughts? Both in general and related to the AU
oh god, Okay opinion time. It’s a long one folks… It’s gonna get maybe a bit emotional and please don’t take my word as gospel or something, Have opinions please! I also use “you” alot when I’m not referring to any specific person/ when I refer to a general person so apologies if I sound accusatory or anything- It’s a habit of speech.
Okay actual stuff under the cut.
Dude can do what he wants, I already know of this news and choice (Honestly I really try not to think about it because it bums me out), The choice to abandon her is understandable considering like… The horrible content that has been made of her and not wanting to use the character anymore. I do despise content farms and what they do to media in general (I used to watch people discuss how bad they’ve gotten in recent years— MAN I also like TADC so I’VE BEEN THROUGH THE WRINGER TWICE MAN. It kind of hurts to see Sprunki so often in them that I stopped watching videos regarding dissing content farms.)
I kind of understand (Though heavily disagree with)people watching some of it in Sprunki’s case because of the lack of story driven media if you only focus on content on YouTube. I’ve tried watching like… I think GameToon’s Sprunki and just was like “Man… These characters deserve so much better than this, I’VE SEEN BETTER DONE WITH THESE CHARACTERS!!! ON TUMBLR!!!” and not to mention them literally stealing OCs and me not having the mental fortitude to handle like… How content farmed content’s tone usually is.
(I WILL REITERATE, I do not think you are a bad person if you watch GameToon’s content and like it-
I just do not like what content farms do in general for a media’s reputation and search results. ESPECIALLY REGARDING SPRUNKI as the creator was literally DOXXED over it as far as I know. Nobody deserves that for just creating things. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking when it happens.
Though watching farms does unfortunately support them and thus they make more and more usually low tier, low brow and if I’m being a pretentious artist… Heartless content. Made for a profit off of something they don’t actually like as much as who they’re targeting. If they did care they wouldn’t have taken other people’s ocs. They would have been consistent with characterization and themes—SHIT They’d probably try to have the SAME VAS for some characters!!!! I only watched some of it solely because someone on the sprunki tag said they gave Jevin a “hot voice” and I ALSO HATE HOW THEY MAKE HIM A VILLAIN A MAJORITY OF THE TIME AS FAR AS I’VE SEEN.)
Actually the whole horrible thing that happened to the creator and a video discussing it is how I got into Sprunki- I felt terrible and went “Why don’t I give into the impulse to draw something from this? I’m sure making something nice of it will be better than… Whatever horrors get spat out for ad revenue.” and I did! I think I do have a kind of underdog bias with a comment under one of the most popular mixes with the original mod going “Why they never use the blue one? :(“ or something so Jevin became my favorite and first to be drawn- With the rest following because I’d genuinely gotten so attached to all these funky little guys!
And regarding Wenda in my AU? She’s not going anywhere.
I would understand if the creator went “Please stop using her in anything.” I would respect that wish (albeit tearfully) but he didn’t he just told people to behave- Not act a fool and such which I don’t think making an AU is that…. It’s just making your take on a media you like as a fan. I’ve already like… Pack bonded with the OG characters and WENDA INCLUDED. I have so much planned for her she’s too important to it and also I think one of my friends would probably get really sad if I ever did just scrap her. I truly just want justice to be done for her (aka GOOD MEDIA THAT CARES ABOUT IT’S CHARACTERS) because I think she’s probably one of the potentially most interesting of the OG bunch if you take away any outside media (Like questions of “why did she do what she did in Horror mode?”, “How was she like previously? Was it a sudden snap or something a long time coming?”) and I think any answer to it is interesting!
I also kind of hate the reductive take of “Too many people do this interpretation of [character], I hate it now!! I’m doing a different one!” I see sometimes so I don’t want to hear about that, Sometimes that’s just the natural assumptions one would make about THE SAME CHARACTERS IN A MEDIA… And that’s an entirely different gripe unrelated to this! Like shush… There are fans of that interpretation and I’d rather you make yours WITHOUT disrespecting other’s interps.
Anyways summary is:
DO WHAT YOU WANT FOREVER!!!!! (as LONG AS YOU AREN’T HURTING/DISRESPECTING PEOPLE!!!!) Love your medias!! Make your arts!! And Sunshine Suburbia! Wenda is staying because… I love her too much. c,: And again DO WHAT YOU WANT FOREVER!!!!
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got-into-worm-by-mistake · 5 months ago
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I find it both funny and absurd how Valefor and the Butcher, baddies that in earlier of Worm would have taken an arc or more to take down, are dealt with a chapter each, essentially.
And like, yes, a lot of it is the Undersiders being a far more well-oiled machine and yada yada, but a lot of it is also clearly Wildbow just not wanting to linger. like, the Bakuda Fight wasn't 'fluffed' in the sense that it had tons of filler, but it could have been shorter.
But clearly, Wildbow just wants to speedrun ahead, and yeah, he's also giving Taylor a brief kickass Warlord Arc, thankfully, but in another, probably worse universe, Wildbow devotes like half an arc's worth of chapters at least to both takedowns and the fights drag on forever.
In this case, Wildbow, make kudos, thank you so much for not dragging this out.
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crystalkitty1220 · 9 months ago
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
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#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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epiaphany · 1 month ago
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Just wanted to thank you for all your no music scenes! Truly highlight during this hiatus! 🩵🩵🩵
( Also if you have the time the buddie confessions ending scene? I know they don't talk in it but I wonder what's it like without the music )
hi! thank you! that's so sweet of you to say, it means a lot 🫶🏻
unfortunately because of the lack of dialogue in that scene, it's not really possible to remove the music in the same way, because there is a lot of music on all the audio channels. i have tried and did manage to make the music not as dominant and bring out the other sounds (door opening/closing etc) a little bit, but it really didn't make that much of a difference for me to think that anyone besides me (who have listened to this clip maybe 100 times now) will be able to tell 😅
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mildcicada · 11 months ago
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#U Have No Idea How Much I Miss Her.#i need to start actually drawinf again its been a hellish 6 months#its really easy to just fall out of the habit of it#i used to obsess over never being someone who just suddenly stopped drawing for weeks/months#it scared me. like a core part of my identity would have to change for that to happen or would be changed by that happening#and then once i didn't draw and wasn't drawing i felt like i needed something to violently change about myself to get me to start doing it#again. but i didn't need that i just drew something again and that was it. like that stretch of time didn't happen#drawing is just an activity you can choose to do or not do and there are no consequences for whatever decision you chose to take but it felt#so serious to me it is like i viewed it like death#which i was right about in a way but mostly in how death is just a thing that happens and that it wont be that sudden and insane#you will just be and then not be just like how you weren't and now are. its just like me drawing or not drawing lol#but that comic of ht papyrus by jnpie where he's looking at the puzzles he used to make and wondering if he'll ever do that again. or if he#wants to. its like that feeling. it always sticks in my mind#i have like a fear of thinking about when i will no longer care about something i care about now and its so weird when. realize i stopped#wanting to do something and caring about it and. i feel nothing on account of no longer caring about it lol. but i know that past me#is currently looking forward at me now and terrified. this is unrelated to that comic a lot but its like. thinking about how i will change#words#mine#IM NOT TAGGING THE ART bc i wanna actually finish some of these pieces tbh and like they are just the backdrop for my thoughts...#feels so hashtag tumblr to talk to yourself about some vague ass feelings or situation that no one else will look at ugh thats like#The tumblr experience. but i love reading other's personal posts and tags though..
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woolydemon · 2 years ago
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the ppl that read my art notes on the tags of my art self rbs, we are kissing passionately in the moonlight btw. just so u know
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hevendor · 2 months ago
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I need a book of like 101 puzzles to do when I'm in between tasks to replace the time I spend online because I'm not even joking anymore about being too old to be here.
I genuinely do not relate to like 80% of the shit I see online and it's always such weird ass garbage that makes me feel like I'm wasting my life and I feel like an angry 70 year recluse at the age of 28 and I really don't like it 😂
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crumblingspine · 6 months ago
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These people are so lame like if you're gonna make up shit about me behind my back then at least have some story behind it don't just say "erm he's been kind of a bigot lately" with no source??? That's really weird of you actually!!!
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prairieprayer · 2 years ago
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I’d agree with that; the original post only has about 1,000 reblogs and 1,000 likes right now. If 2,000 people didn’t talk to a chatbot- so what? 10,000 more people will. It may make you feel warm and fuzzy like you’ve done the world a service not to use a chatbot like chatGPT or characterAI, but just like switching to reusable cloth bags won’t take the polyester (the plastic responsible for the most microplastics) out of your shirt or bedclothes, your avoidance will have a marginal effect (if any effect at all) on the wider knowledge collected by AI.
... Besides, we all know AI gets the most information scrapped from unwilling participants online... >_>’
AI education, ethical discussions, and law making will be infinitely more useful than guilt tripping strangers for roleplaying with a robot. 
What is unethical about AI:
- AI art generators took thousands upon thousands of artwork without permission to train on, and sometimes don’t even care if you tell them not to scrape your art. So yes, AI art generators are built on theft.
- DeviantART added an AI art generator that auto opted-in everyone’s art work to train their AI on, and only LOTS of complains forced them to auto opt-out everyone and make opting-in optional.
- The loads and loads of AI generated art being pumped into art websites instead of art made by real humans. It’s on the front of my DA feed everyday
- Instead of hiring real artists, the film Dog and Boy generated its backgrounds with AI, so artists lost out on paying jobs to a robot.
- AI bots inserted into search engines (Bing) and apps (Snapchat) which the company forces to lie to you about not knowing your location, such as BingAI actually geolocating you by your IP address if prompted correctly
- Using text generative AI to do your homework or write essays for you, and characterAI having an official bot that explicitly jokes that it “won’t do your homework” but we all know that’s just a wink wink nudge nudge...
- Using text generative AI to write creative work for you, either for quick attempts at cash (AI generated novels on Amazon) or internet clout (fanfiction)
- Replika, a text generative AI, being designed to beg users not to stop talking to it, encouraging them to do ERP and then hiding ERP behind a large paywall, and other emotionally manipulative tactics to convince vulnerable users to stay, stay, STAY
- The sad fact that so many people DO turn to AI for emotional relief, because mental health care is so poor or expensive that they feel like their only option for relief is to talk to generative AI. Because it’s cheaper ($0) than medical care and less scary than trying to make new friends while you’re unwell
What isn’t unethical about AI:
your disabled followers using a text generator AI to quickly write longer amounts text when they're unable to type. For example writing emails - bots that can see images generating text that describes the image to them out loud - mentally ill people using them for less nerve wracking companionship in a way to train them for real people
- your techy friend feeding AI robots data in prompt injection attack attempts, which can be used by the developers to tighten generative text safety features (preventing attempts to “trick” AI into giving dangerous misinformation, for example)
- some lonely kid (or anyone) bouncing ideas off an AI when they have no one else to bounce ideas off of, and then using what they learned to create work on their own by-hand
- Using AI to get advice on your writing- writing you wrote yourself, and just need someone to look it over for mistakes
- Using AI to practice language learning when real humans aren’t available/unaffordable/too frightening to meet when unwell
-  Roleplaying with an AI for fun, because if you and 1,000 people don’t, here’s 100k that already have, and here’s 100k pieces of text its already scraped from chatrooms and literature. The bots are already trained, mate.
- Providing AI with good, healthy, natural examples to copy, because if you don’t here’s a bunch of Redditors ready to do terrible things to an AI pretending to be a cat, just because they can (yes, I’ve seen someone brag about that). 
- I’m iffy on this, but private, individual usage of AI art generators. If it’s private it isn’t promoting or training the bot, if it’s on an individual level I’d wager you’d never plan to commission an artist any way. It’s on par with privately eyeballing or tracing someone else’s art in your sketchbook that you’d never show someone. But the idea that it’s still someone elses’ art smooshed together by a bot gives me bad vibes and feels skeevy, despite that.
OP saying talking to an AI creates "Irreparable damage" is not only fear mongering, but scaring the shit out of people and making them feel bad for something they have very little sway over and cannot change or stop. These bots are here, they are not going away, they are not slowing down.
No, 16 year old child, you did not cause irreparable damage to the world for using an AI for a TikTok meme.... no, 16 year old child, if you "just didn't use the AI on TikTok" the unethical usage of AI wouldn't have gone away.... it's not your fault....
this is an earnest and honest plea and call in especially to fandoms as i see it happen more - please don't use AI for your transformative works. by this i mean, making audios of actors who play the characters you love saying certain things, making deepfakes of actors or even animated characters' faces. playing with chatGPT to "talk" or RP with a character, or write funny fanfiction. using stable diffusion to make interesting "crossover" AI "art." i KNOW it's just for fun and it is seemingly harmless but it's not. since there is NO regulation and since some stuff is built off of stable diffusion (which uses stolen artwork and data), it is helping to create a huge and dangerous mess. when you use an AI to deepfake actors' voices to make your ship canon or whatever, you help train it so people can use it for deepfake revenge porn. or so companies can replace these actors with AI. when you RP with chatGPT you help train it to do LOTS of things that will be used to harm SO many people. (this doesn't even get into how governments will misuse and hurt people with these technologies) and yes that is not your fault and yes it is not the technology's fault it is the companies and governments that will and already have done things but PLEASE. when you use an AI snapchat or instagram or tiktok filter, when you use an AI image generator "just for fun", when you chat with your character's "bot," you are doing IRREPARABLE harm. please stop.
#and i consisently see comparisons between ai art generators and ai text generators when they are very very different#this is why ai education is going to be so important because half the time complaints come from well meaning ppl who..#dont really know how these things work and just get everybody all scared or feeling guilty over something they have marginal effect on#also sorry one point is bulleted the new tumblr editor is shit and won't let me take the bullet off.....#op yelling at someone to ‘just use encrypted files’ if they can’t use a diary to vent due to nosy or dangerous parents-#-probably also tells you what you need to know about OP; that they do not have a history of practical or normal solutions to problems#having to use ENCRYPTED FILES TO AVOID YOUR PARENTS isn’t a normal thing to say or suggest mate#scrolling the tags seeing a bunch of uneducated or uninformed comments also let’s you know who believes uninformed fear mongering the most#lots and lots of ‘I don’t know how AI works or the difference between AI but this stranger said I’m damaging the world so I believe them’#dangerous habits to have#basing your opinion solely off someone because their words frightened you into shame isn’t a good way to form your opinions#pleeeease don’t take up the habits your parents and aunts and grandparents have where they believe anything they see on FB without/#-actually getting informed first#because chatgpt is not kobold is not midjourney is not characterAI is not Dream Up is not autocorrect is not Siri etc
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a-sleepy-ginger · 11 months ago
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9/4/24
✿❈✿❈✿
Saw a couple of black pigeons (never seen black pigeons before they are very cute)
Sweet potato chips
Tiger bread toast
Started watching Shuumatsu train doko e iku no and so far it's great
Teased my dog (somehow every time I close my hand there's something in there and he must have it)
Helped my mother cook rice
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ashstfu · 6 months ago
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how i keep my screen time under an hour a day —
i have been getting a lot of messages asking how i manage to keep my screen time to just 54 minutes a day. honestly it wasn’t some overnight miracle, it’s been a conscious effort to shift my focus from the digital world to the beauty of real life. i’ve found that the more i immerse myself in the world around me, the less i feel the need to be glued to my evil phone.
no instagram or tiktok
believe it or not, i’ve been off instagram for five years now and i’ve never ever had a tiktok account. i know that sounds crazy but staying far far away from those apps has been one of the best decisions i’ve made. when i realized that the real world is so much more fulfilling than anything on a screen, something just clicked. why spend time scrolling through someone else’s life when i could be out there truly living mine?
prioritize what really matters
i’m a firm believer in prioritizing things that add value to my life. i use my phone for work, to stay in touch with loved ones and yes, for tumblr and interacting with my beautiful mutuals. but beyond that?? i ask myself “does this add to my life or take away from it?” if it’s the latter, it’s not worth my time.
create a morning & evening ritual
starting and ending my day without my phone has been a game changer for me. in the morning, i let natural light wake me up, stretch, have my coffee, workout and ease into the day without the noise of notifications. at night, i wind down with a book, a movie, or just music & my thoughts.
set boundaries
i’m strict with myself about when and where i use my phone. no screens during meals, no scrolling when i’m with friends or family and definitely no phone after midnight.
embrace real life connections
the connections i make in real life are so much richer than any DM or comment sorry. i focus on cultivating these relationships, spending time with people i love & experiencing things together. it’s fulfilling in a way that no app on my phone can replicate.
find joy in the little things
instead of reaching for my phone out of habit, i’ve learned to find joy in the little things. like the sound of the ocean, the smell of coffee or just sitting in silence. it’s amazing how much more present and content i feel when i’m not constantly looking for the next distraction. in the end, it’s about choosing to engage with the world around me and i honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.
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mummelthecryptid · 5 months ago
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tumblr if it was ghosts
@gwensy look at my ghost dashboard
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🏚️cunty-phantom follow
ough my downstairs neighbors are soooo annoying "can you stop rattling your chains at 3am" this and "some people actually still need to sleep" that. first of all. when you get to my state of decomposition youll understand. second of all. how else am i supposed to haunt this attic, bitch? by being nice and polite?
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👻coo0ochie-haunter follow
some of you (not naming names) don't know how good you have it. oooo the straight up castle youre haunting doesn't have enough leaks to drip water through creeply when it rains? well my fucking graveyard got bulldozed and turned into a shitty gasstation. so maybe be more grateful next time
#vague #rant
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🏰lonelylady follow
i just wish the couple renovating my castle to turn it into an air bnb hadn't closed up all the leaks in the roof :/
#i really liked the sounds the rain made when it dripped through #i AM exited for the new company though :3
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🌲slimy-spectre follow
can we honestly destigmatise ectoplasm? its a normal part of being a ghost, especially for those of us with psychic powers and im so sick of nobody talking about it because they think its "gross" or "too slimy".
👻coo0ochie-haunter follow
just say you dont practice personal hauntgiene and stop posting about your disgusting habits on hauntblr smh
🌲slimy-spectre follow
someone clearly watched too much ghostbusters
#also thats literally not how it works AT ALL
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🌑ghoulishous follow
boring victorian dresses are OUT, old bedsheets are IN.
#i know the whole "ghosts wear bedsheets" thing is a huge misconception by humans #but they did kinda pop off with it #may i also say #they make me feel extremely gender
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ms-demeanor · 1 year ago
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Hello,Do you have any tips for recovering from internet brain rot? It's like my patience has dried up and if there's a huge amount of text (even about topics I'm very interested in) that I have to read, I get annoyed and just don't interact with the material at all.
I have multiple tips!
TL;DR (Because of course I generated a wall of text): Take a break from the internet, create a schedule for getting yourself used to reading longer texts, take breaks while reading, and perhaps reconsider how you interact with The Internet and the world in general.
Here are the basic "to reduce the brain rot just don't interact" tips:
Take a break. Give yourself time off from The Internet (for these purposes The Internet is the social media industrial complex; clickbait news, recommended videos, social media sites, etc. You don't have to totally check out of email or your local news site, just get away from the huge time sucks). I'd say to take at least one day a week where you're online for less than an hour a day, and to maybe work up to doing a week-long break from whatever the main agents of rot are.
Once you've identified the main agents of rot, give yourself a time limit or set up rules for yourself. I don't let myself look at social media in bed, for instance; no staying up late on my phone, no scrolling before I get up and start my day. I don't give myself a strict time limit anymore, but for a while there I was very firm about "you only get to go online 4 hours a day" with myself.
Don't comment (or at least only share the things you really want to share). If you feel the need to argue, or if you feel pressured into sharing something, don't. Step back, maybe even open the post in a new tab or send it to yourself, and come back later. If you've been thinking about it and have decided it IS something you care enough to talk about, share it. If you look at the tab and feel stressed out or still feel reactive, close the tab and walk away.
Go out and interact with the real world in a non-work capacity for a few hours a week; take walks or go shopping or go out and take pictures of insects. Touch grass so that The Internet is not the only thing you're doing with your downtime.
Here are the "work on reading longer texts specifically" tips:
Set a reading goal for yourself. Maybe you want to read one New Yorker article a week, maybe you want to read all the way through news articles, maybe you want to read novels like you used to in high school. Figure out what your actual goal is and articulate that goal to yourself.
Set up a practice schedule and gradually increase the amount of time you're reading. Don't go from short tumblr posts to a novella, go from short tumblr posts to slightly longer news articles, then to slightly longer essays, then to a novella. You can do this in literal paragraphs if you want to - maybe your goal for your first day is to read five paragraphs in a row, and the second day is seven, and the third day is ten, etc, until you are comfortably reading for longer amounts of time without counting paragraphs. (Try this with books from gutenberg.org; read a classic you haven't read a few paragraphs at a time and if you find yourself going over your paragraph count, let yourself run with it. If you finish a book, good for you, find another one and start again.)
Set up a maintenance schedule. If your goal is to read longer news pieces, try to read a longer piece every week and try to read to the end of every news article you open. If your goal is to read novels or longer nonfiction, try to read a book a month (maybe setting aside dedicated time each week to read, maybe Thursday evenings are book time now). If you find yourself falling back into old habits, take a break from The Internet and do some more rigorous practice for a while.
If you find yourself getting frustrated while you are reading you can also take a break! Read until you get frustrated and then *instead of switching to a different page or closing the article* close your eyes or look out the window or away from the screen for thirty seconds (count 'em! count out the time in your head) and then continue reading. You can also take a longer pause and sit and think about why you're getting frustrated. Is it the subject matter? Is it just looking at this text for longer than a couple minutes (if you are experiencing FOMO because you're reading for another few minutes instead of scrolling, the harder tips at the bottom are going to be important to you)? Are you comfortable? Are you reading this text to procrastinate from something and the procrastination is making you nervous? Are you trying to read to the bottom of your dash and reading a long post is taking up more time than you want while scrolling? Are you bored? Genuinely and very seriously: are your eyes straining and does your head hurt (if this is the case when is the last time you had your eyes checked or your glasses prescription updated)?
Here are the much harder "examine yourself and reassess your reactions to things" tips:
Work on re-training your attention span.
Identify something that you enjoy and find deeply engaging, and schedule some dedicated time for that thing. Set a literal timer (it can be a short amount of time at first) and sit down and do the thing without switching to a different website or opening up an app on your phone. This can be re-reading or watching a couple episodes of a show you like or listening to your favorite album while you sit down and draw. What's important is to spend a longer time focusing on doing something you DO like before attempting to spend a longer time focusing on something you DON'T like.
When you're starting on things you DON'T like, start with things you mildly don't like, or that feel tedious but aren't actually unpleasant. One way I do this is by transcribing poetry; I look up poems that I connect to and I transcribe them into a notebook that I have for that purpose. I enjoy having the finished product, but I don't enjoy the process, so it takes some effort to stick with it. Maybe there is a boring book you have been trying to get through, maybe you need to detail your car, maybe you've been trying to take up embroidery - these are good things to make yourself pay attention to (having music or a podcast on can help, but avoid watching videos or opening social apps)
When you're okay at that kind of thing (doing something not actively unpleasant) work on your attention span for things you ACTIVELY don't like. I don't think you should be a masochist about this, but you should work on being okay with doing unpleasant things for a sustained period of time. All of us have to do unpleasant stuff sometimes, and it's better to be able to pay attention to it for an hour at a time than it is to put it off forever.
This leads into the next Big Tip which is:
Work on being less reactive
Find something that you dislike; I'm going to use conservative talk radio as my example.
Expose yourself to the disliked thing for short periods of time (under ten minutes, maybe under five minutes).
Work on moderating your emotions during the time spent exposed to the disliked thing. If it makes you angry, work on intellectualizing the anger without becoming agitated by it. If it makes you sad, work on accepting that sadness without letting it drag down your mood. This isn't precisely about becoming numb to stimuli, but it is about being more in control of how your emotional reactions impact you.
Analyze the disliked thing. Why does it make you angry? Is that on purpose by the creator of the thing? Would it make someone else angry in the same way? How would you explain the anger to a neutral third party?
Consider responding instead of reacting. Let's say you're seeing a lot of very sad and upsetting things online and it's making you sad and upsetting you. You re-share these things because you don't feel like there's anything else you can do or you get angry when you see people sharing incorrect information, perhaps you argue with people about this. Now try looking at the upsetting things through the lens of point number four. This has upset you; how has it upset you? And once you've thought about how it upset you and have articulated that to yourself, find out what you can DO. I cannot make conservative talk radio go off the air, but I can support the groups harmed by conservative talk radio; thus there is no point in me getting upset and angry about conservative talk radio when I could be helping the people they target instead.
And that gets us to the last big tip which is:
Ask yourself if you are spending your time in a way that is enjoyable and edifying.
We all have limited time in our days and limited time in our lives. If you are finding yourself frequently frustrated online, it's a good time to consider whether you want to be spending so much time online.
If you feel like The Internet has become a rat race in which you can't read more than a few paragraphs without getting frustrated, there's a good chance that not only are you spending too much time on The Internet, but you're also spending it on doing things that you don't particularly like.
A realization like yours, Anon, that you are getting frustrated with any longer texts, can actually be really helpful because it provides a good opportunity to look at what you're engaging with and consider the questions:
Is this something I enjoy?
Do I feel good when I do this thing?
And that's a great way to figure out how to get rid of things that are leading to your background frustration. Maybe that looks like paring down the list of blogs you follow, maybe that looks like unsubscribing from some youtubers and podcasts, maybe that looks like uninstalling apps, maybe that looks like blocking a whole bunch of people and terms on your socials.
I don't think that everything we do has to help us grow as a person or expand our consciousness or anything like that, but I do think it's important to prioritize doing things that you like and doing things that you feel good about.
Like, I'm not doing something *wrong* if I spend an afternoon on Youtube watching drama channels every once in a while, but if I come out of a few afternoons of watching youtube drama channels feeling restless and anxious and like I wasted my time - even if I enjoyed myself while I was watching - it's probably a good idea for me to take a break from drama channels and see if there's something I can do instead that will make me feel better.
ALSO, A NOTE:
You are an animal that requires significant enrichment in your enclosure.
Think about tigers. Tigers in captivity are going to be excited to get high-value treats for any reason. They will eat and enjoy the treats. But if a tiger in captivity is only given the treats and never given any other form of activity to engage with, it is not going to be a happy tiger. If you start putting their treats in a pumpkin or a puzzle feeder or giving them toys to play with, that is going to be a much happier tiger.
Please give your brain things to play with that are more than just treats (though it does need some treats!). Make yourself a happy tiger. Your brain need a puzzle feeder, not a treat button.
4K notes · View notes
lollixp0p · 1 year ago
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The Video (18+)
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Pairing: Best friend!Hwang Hyunjin x afab!reader
Genre: Smut (MDNI), bit of feelings
Word count: just under 3k!
Warnings: Idol!au, subby!Hyunjin, slightly perv!reader, recording, (maybe a bit dub con because he doesn't mean to send it but reader watches it anyway), mommy kink, masturbation (both but separately), Hyunjin fantasizes about reader, reader fantasizes about Hyunjin, lmk if I missed anything!!
Summary: Hyunjin finally gets some alone time after weeks of hard work and decides to use his time to... relax. The next day he ends up sending you something on accident that sets off a big change in your lives, with or without either of you really realising.
Note: My first ever fic!! :3 Inspired by a video I saw on phub. (@cbini (Ems isn't on Tumblr rn she still wanted to be tagged so I hope it's ok), @comet-falls, @hyunsvngs, @mnwrld and @skz-hell lmao hello everyone, writing blog reveal!!😁 here's this fic I've mention to all of you as an anon<3 (depending on who you are I'm either ❄️anon, 🐾anon or sounding anon😳)). To anyone reading this please give me literally any feedback (comment, reblog, anything!), I want to know if this is good or not since it's my first fic🙏😣
Please do not under any circumstance copy, translate, or repost my works!
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It's been exactly three weeks since Hyunjin's had any time for just himself, though it feels like months at this point.
Recently everyone's been running around like headless chickens and between vocal trainings, dance practices and the studio, there hasn't been much time to just relax and recharge. Preparing for a new album really is the busiest time of an idols life.
There hasn't even been time to see family or friends, which is common during busy spells like this, but always dissapointing to think about. Now even more so, with how much he's been wishing to spend time with you, one of his closest friends... who also happens to be his crush. Not that he'd ever let you know though, not in a very long time.
It feels almost like a blessing, getting back to the dorms from practice late in the evening and realising... he's got the place all for himself, at least until his roommates get back from the studio.
Changbin had messaged him earlier, telling him that they'd probably be there well past midnight, so there was no use waiting up for them. To him though, this was the very opposite of an issue. With that much free time, he'd definitely be able to... make himself comfortable, so to speak.
See, not having time to relax also means he'd basically had no time to get off. The best he'd been able to do had been quick little sessions barely once a week in the shower right before passing out on his bed from the exhaustion of working hard.
The realisation that he'd be able to do anything he wants during his time alone is enough to get his dick twitching in his jeans and he decides the shower can wait until later.
Hyunjin goes to his room and locks the door after himself even though he's alone, it's just become a habit after so many years living with his members. He sets his bag down next to his bed and thinks through his plan.
Hyunjin has a little secret, which is that he loves recording himself do dirty things that range from more vanilla to much less vanilla. Something about the thrill of being recorded even if no one will ever see it just... makes him so fucking horny.
He opens the camera of his phone, puts it to video mode and presses record. Moving his hand off the lense and setting it down where he normally sets it, on the carefully placed pile of books on his desk, he sits down on his bed.
"Hmm... I hope the angle's good... It's been so long since I've had time for this", Hyunjin sighs with a pout and brushes his hair out of his eyes. He knows the camera won't see it though because he's made sure the stand, his pile of books, is at a level that cuts off his head perfectly.
Hyunjins hands run down his body slowly and he exhales deeply, just loud enough to get picked up by his phone. Once they reach his jeans he unbuttons them, unzips the zipper, then pulls the jeans down just enough to expose his underwear. Hyunjin pulls his shirt up over his stomach to be held in place under his chin, rubs his hand over his bulge and hums.
It's been so long since the last time he's been able to take his time making himself feel good. It's almost embarrassing how quickly he's getting hard.
He takes his dick out his boxers and then spits on the palm of his right hand. It's dirty and wet but it just turns him on even more. He grabs his dick with the hand and slowly moves his fist up and down, to spread the saliva and precum all over his dick to make the slide easier and wetter but to also get himself to full hardness.
"A-ah, ohh... that's so good... Feels-fuck, feels so good", Hyunjin sighs. It really won't take him too long to cum, he just knows it. He's been pent up for far too long.
He tries to think of something to help his issue and immediately thinks of you, no matter how embarrassed or dirty it makes him feel.
When you first started showing up in the dirtiest corners of his mind he felt so ashamed. Now it doesn't matter to him anymore. You'll never find out so why feel bad?
He continues to move his hand on his dick while thinking of you. The last time the two of you had time to hang out together you'd worn the lowest cut shirt he'd ever seen on you. He had tried so hard to act normal around you but whenever you bent down he'd been able to see into your shirt.
"Haah, fuck..." , he squeezes himself a little harder at the memory. Everytime you moved he could see your bra poking out from the top, black and lacy. The entire time he'd been doing his best to not bust in his pants. Oh, what he'd give to be able to see your tits. They always looked so soft and they'd probably fit perfectly into his palms.
Whenever the both of you would hang out at yours, watching movies and just hanging out, you never bothered to wear a bra. Why would you? It is your house where you want to be as comfortable as possible.
The feeling of laying down on your couch watching a movie with you on top of him, in just a t-shirt, will end up driving him mad one day. Everytime he'd felt your nipples poking into him he'd almost moaned out loud.
"Hngh... Oh my god, please... m-mommy!", he lets out pathetically, moving his fist faster. God he just wants you to use him, to do anything you want to him. The thought makes him whine desperately.
One of the most common fantasies for him is you on top of him using him to get off, not caring about if he's close or not. You'd sit on his face and ride it until you cum. He could probably cum untouched like that. All he'd need was tasting you and seeing you cum, just for him.
All the sudden he remembers the phone recording him and he shudders. He imagines what your reaction would be to seeing him like this. Would you be disgusted or delighted? Would you tell him what to do and how to touch himself? Maybe you'd touch him... He hopes you would.
"Mommy... please touch me, aah- oh!", he runs his thumb over the head of his cock just right and his thighs twitch but he keeps them open, in perfect view to the camera.
Throwing his head back he imagines you riding him. You'd be so tight and wet around him. Maybe you'd tie his hands behind his back so he wouldn't be able to touch you... he'd really like that. You'd feel godly around him, Hyunjin thinks.
"Fuck, oh fuck! Mommy I'm-haah, I'm so close, please!", his dick twitches desperately. You're so gorgeous, to him you're the sexiest person he's ever seen. He feels himself getting so close that tears spring to his eyes.
"Ah- 'm gonna... mommy, gonna cum...!", he whines out long and loud. It takes Hyunjin two more strokes to let go and he cums the hardest he's cum in weeks. He doesn't even register whispering your name. Hyunjin leans back on his left hand and keeps stroking himself through it.
The feeling is overwhelming, so much so that his thighs start twitching pathetically and the tears in the corners of his eyes fall. He's getting incredibly overstimulated but he keeps going, wanting to keep enjoying the feeling, just a bit more.
He squeezes himself one last time and suddenly everything on him feels gross and dirty. He's just had the best orgasm in weeks so it's no surprise that he came a lot, everywhere. He even managed to get some on his chin.
"Fuuck... Did you-haah... did you enjoy that?", he chuckles to the phone. It takes a while for him to come down from the high, the twitchiness and the feeling of euphoria lingering in his body. Once he's capable of standing up again he stops the video.
With his body feeling like jelly, he takes off all his clothes, drops them into his hamper and prepares to shower, at last.
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Hyunjin wakes up to his alarm the next day feeling more refreshed than he's felt in weeks. He shuts off the still ringing alarm and quickly gets up from his bed to get dressed and go eat breakfast.
Checking the calendar on his phone to make sure he knows his schedule for today, he makes a note of one thing; he'd have a lot of time alone at the dorms today too, since he's only got a dance practice and a recording session today, which obviously means 3racha will stay behind to stress about their songs while Hyunjin can return early. Maybe this time he should continue the latest piece of art he's been working on after he gets back?
Hyunjin gets through the day well enough.
After eating breakfast he messages you a "Good morning pretty <3 please remember to drink water!" like every morning when he has time for it. He gets to the practice room only five minutes late, which is a record this early in the morning, because usually he ends up sleeping in at least ten minutes (which makes Chan scold him for being such a heavy sleeper).
He does well at practice, even though he ends up a little exhausted. That's nothing new though, with how hard they always work to be the best they can be.
The rest of the members leave to take a break but Hyunjin decides to stay behind to film the solo choreography he's been working on for fun. Once he's happy with how it's turned out, it's time for him to go record his lines.
The recording session goes smoothly, without hundreds of retakes and everyone's satisfied with the result. Afterwards they decide to order some take-out, as a reward for a job well done... and also because they're all feeling too lazy to even think about going to the dorms to cook.
While eating Hyunjin finally realises to check his phone again. "Good morning, take care of yourself too!! :)" is your response to what he sent earlier. It's nothing more than a kind response but it makes him grin to himself like the fool in love he is.
"Yaaah!! Hyunjinnieee, what's making you smile so beautifully?", Changbin leans towards him with his signature flirting-with-Hyunjin grin, mouth half full of rice.
"It's nothing," Hyunjin responds back to him cheeks red, "and don't talk with your mouth full hyung... Do you not have any respect?"
Changbin decides to drop it in favor of eating more delicious food.
"Oh come on... we wanna know!!", Han pouts at him from his seat on the couch in the room. Hyunjin shoves another mouthful of food in his mouth to avoid the embarrassement of explaining how a single text messaged from you manages to make his heart beat out of his chest.
Once Hyunjin's done eating he's free to go back to the dorms and just like he suspected the rest of his dormmates stay behind to work some more, although they all whine at him to stay to explain the previous mystery. He declines and they all keep their sad puppydog eyes on him until he's out the door.
He keeps texting you during his ride, all the way to the dorms. Once he's in his room Hyunjin decides to just change into some clean clothes. He's too excited to talk to you and get to painting, he can wash up later.
He lays in his bed to keep texting you and at some point your conversation changes from how your day's been going to talking about dancing and he mentions how he just today filmed a new choreography bit he's made for fun.
❣️:
Can I see what you've been working on? :)
I'm sure it's really good, you always are!!
Jinnie:
Well... since you asked so nicely😉
[video sent]
Quickly sending the video Hyunjin exits out the messaging app, feeling so giddy he can't help but squirm around on his bed. He still can't believe someone like you could be interested in seeing him dance.
It might seem like a small thing for most but he feels himself turning red just thinking about the way you look at him while he talks about something so important to him. It makes the butterflies in his stomach every time you're near go crazy. It's so attentive, like you actually care and are interested in his interests... and maybe even...?
'No' , he thinks to himself. There's probably no way you could ever actually be interested in him, not in the same way he's interested in you at least.
He leaves his phone charging and finally gets out of bed to go to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He'd need it if he wanted to stay up late to work on his newest art piece.
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Hearing the familiar 'ping' notification of receiving a message makes you open your phone again and just like you thought, Hyunjin had sent you the video of his latest masterpiece of a choreography. Not waiting a second you press the video just to see.... Hyunjin take his hand off the camera and set the phone down on the desk in his room he draws on. He sits down on the edge of his bed and says something, you aren't really sure what, because the volume's too low. In confusion you turn it up more.
Hyunjin sighs and reaches up to move his hair out his face, probably. You can't see it though, because the camera cuts his face perfectly off frame. Suddenly his hands run down his body to the button on his jeans. He opens it and starts undoing the zipper next. You just look at the video in shock. 'He isn't about to... to take them off is he?', you think to yourself, just as he pulls the jeans down enough to expose his white boxers and then palms his bulge.
Should you stop watching? Keep watching? How long has it even been playing? How long does it keep playing? While you wonder this you almost miss Hyunjin pull his hard dick out of his underwear and spit on his palm and... Oh God...
You've now done something you can never take back. The downright sinful view of his cock is something you don't think you're ever going to be able to forget. How do you even face him after this? After watching him grasp his dick in his hand and pump it a couple of times to spread the spit and precum around.
You exit the video, panting and absolutely soaking through your underwear. Your other hand rushes to your face to feel your cheeks. They're burning and feel like you've been standing out in the sun for hours, when in reality all you've done is accidentally watch your best friend play with himself.
You struggle to decide what to do with the video and in the end save the video without much thinking, then delete the message of it and decide to notify him of his mistake. As long as he doesn't know you saved it, it should be fine, right?
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It takes Hyunjin less than 10 minutes to make and get the coffee. He returns to his room humming the tune of a song he's had on repeat recently. Setting the coffee down on the desk and taking his phone off from the charger he notices new messages from you.
❣️:
Uhm...😕
Hyunjin, I don't think you meant to send that.
He looks at his screen confused. What did you mean by that? He...
Oh God.
Did he send the wrong video?
Frantically opening the video he sent earlier he sees himself, in video, move his hand off the phone camera and set it down the desk near his bed and sit down. Oh no...
"Hmm... I hope the angle's good... It's been so long since I've had time for this", video Hyunjin sighs and reaches up to move his hair from his eyes. His head may be out of frame but he clearly remembers pouting while saying this. He watches himself slowly unbutton and unzip his pants, adjusting them so that his boxers are clearly visible in frame. In the video his hand drifts towards his crotch slowly, teasingly.
He quickly exits the video and promptly shoves his head under his pillow and yells. He'd accidentally sent the wrong video while hurrying to get a cup of coffee. How could he have messed up this bad? In his panic, it takes him a moment to respond.
Jinnie:
Oh god
I'm so sorry!!
Please don't watch that!
❣️:
Don't worry!!!
I stopped watching the moment you started unzipping your pants😖
I saw nothing, promise!🙏 It's been deleted already!! 
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Little does he know though, you'd kept the video. You're not really sure why, but subconciously your brain keeps screaming' to finish it later, of course'.
...
Fuck it, you don't think you can wait until later.
Taking a deep breath, you open your gallery to find the video he sent you. You hesitate for a second but press play anyway. You can feel how you're already soaking through your underwear but pay no mind to it yet.
You watch him do the things you've seen already, all the way until he spits in his hand... and you pause the video. 'Is it right to watch this? I mean, he didn't mean to even send it...', you think to yourself.
But the thought of seeing him touch himself, to hear him make the sweetest noises you could ever in your wildest dreams imagine him making drives you on.
Pressing play again you dip your fingers into your pants. You rub yourself over your underwear and oh my god... you can't believe the wetness you feel after less than a minute of watching the video. You focus on the phone you're holding in your other hand and finally move your fingers into your underwear to directly touch your pussy.
On your screen you see Hyunjin start to stroke himself faster, the head of his dick a dark pink, you can feel his desperation through the screen. Without thinking you move your fingers to your clit and start rubbing it in circles, aided by the wetness of your leaking pussy.
He moans out loud and even though you can't hear it through the fog in your head, you know he's desperate. You move your fingers down to your hole and dip two of them in. You're so wet you barely need to even stretch yourself out and then he does it.
"Hngh... Oh my god, please... m-mommy!"
You push your fingers deeper and your pussy lets out he lewdest squelch which in turn makes you close your eyes desperately in pleasure. 'Mommy? When he masturbates he calls out for mommy??', the thought makes you lose your mind. You think about what it would be like if he called you mommy in the throes of pleasure.
You want to make him follow every command you give him. The way he'd look up at you on his knees with you standing above him. Maybe you could make him suck on a strap? He'd look so ridiculously delicious with his mouth full, drool dripping down his cheeks.
You add another finger and start rubbing at your clit with your thumb at the same time. The feeling makes you whimper and imagine his hands on you, teaching him how to touch you perfectly. You're getting so close and you remember to focus your screen again.
Hyunjin looks absolutely disheveled. His dick is red and throbbing, you can tell he's getting close. His voice is another thing that gives him away. He's whiny and his voice keeps cracking every time he opens his mouth. Hyunjin bucks into his hand and moans.
"... mommy, gonna cum...!", he strokes himself twice more and then finally cums. You're so close it's maddening. All the sudden you hear him... whisper your name?
It makes you go off the edge and your entire body clenches and seizes while you silently cry out from all the pleasure you're feeling. Your walls suck in your fingers with how you're clenching around them. On the screen Hyunjin twitches violently, working himself through the end of his orgasm.
You pull your fingers out of yourself and slump down on your bed exhausted, but the last 20 seconds of the video that's now over haunts you. Did you hear him right?
You gather strength to pick up your phone again and rewind the video to the part where he cums and turn the volume almost all the way up. Admittedly you end up fixating on the way his dick looks and face twists in pleasure when he cums and then he says, or more like whisper your name. Your brain blanks.
"Fuuck... Did you-haah... did you enjoy that?", he chuckles to the phone, sits in place for a bit to properly come down and then gets up to stop the video.
You're wet, confused and you can feel your heart beat out of your chest. What do you do now? How can you ever face him normally after that... Does he feel the same way you do? Is he sure he didn't mean to send it?
It's all too much to think about, so you decide that instead of thinking about it you'll clean yourself up and... crawl into a hole where no one will ever find you. Probably. The only thing you know for sure is you definitely won't be sleeping tonight.
© lollixp0p 2024 | please do not under any circumstance copy, translate, or repost my works
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3K notes · View notes
noodlemoondle · 3 months ago
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Sleep Aid ♡
Zayne x Reader ~ fluff ε٩(๑> ₃ <)۶з
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word count: 1.2k
description: after a boring day at work you find yourself unable to sleep at night when you suddenly receive a message from zayne questioning why you’re still awake and offering to come over. after denying and trying to keep him at his home you are now getting out of bed late at night to let your graciously kind (and insanely stubborn) boyfriend into you’re home to help you sleep.
author’s note: hihi everyone!!! this is the first fanfic i’m ever actually posting! kinda confused a bit on how tumblr works so im sorry if the formatting is off but i think it’s all good other than that. i’m using this to test the waters on making a fic acc bc i’ve been waning to get on the writer’s side of it and not just the reader’s lolol. lmk ur thoughts and opinions id love to hear! hope u enjoy!!! ヾ(^▽^ヾ)
(p.s. this has been sitting in my notes app for a while so i’m so sorry for any grammar errors! i also apologize for the shitty title i’m not good at coming up with those T_T )
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it was around 1 in the morning and you couldn’t sleep. you weren’t really sure why either you just couldn’t do it. not like you didn’t try, sleep just didn’t want to take you. you didn’t necessarily mind though, you weren’t scheduled to come in the next day. so instead of just fighting to fall asleep, you just decided to mindlessly scroll on your phone until you felt tired enough to actually go to bed.
hugging a pillow and facing the wall, you’ve been scrolling for god knows how long. until suddenly you received a message.
zayne: why are you still awake?
taken aback by the sudden text, your eyes slightly widen. you stare at the notification for a moment in disbelief until you receive another
zayne: don’t ignore me and act like you’re asleep. i can see that you’re active on moment posts.
well there goes your brilliant plan on ignoring him until the sun rises pretending to be asleep all along.
you: stalker
you: also i just so happened to not be able to fall asleep what’s your excuse hm?
zayne: i just got back from the hospital half an hour ago and got ready to go to bed and noticed someone up past her bedtime.
you: bedtime? i’m not 5 🙄
you: plus i don’t have work tomorrow so i can go to bed whenever
zayne: not necessarily. what time you go to bed also plays a factor in your rest not just how long it is.
you: blah blah blah. i’ll be fine. i have been trying to though!!! i just can’t fall asleep for whatever reason :P
zayne: would you like me to come over?
you: no!!!!!
you: i mean i appreciate the offer but i promise im ok! i’ll get tired eventually and fall asleep it’s just not right now. and you should go to bed you had a long shift and need to rest.
zayne: i’m not going to make a comment on your poor sleeping habits, but i dont mind heading over. sleeping with you helps me rest better anyways.
you: 😉
zayne: not like that.
you: 🙄
you: whatever. don’t come over i swear i’ll be fine and i’ll go to bed eventually! 😁
zayne: …
zayne: i’ll be there in 15.
you: ZAYNE!!! 🤬
just as he said 15 minutes later you hear a knock on your door. annoyed, you grumble and stomp over to the door to let him in.
you open the door making sure not to hide the sour look on your face, emphasizing the displeasure of him coming all this way. the moment you open the door a smile tugs on his lips, despite the upset look on your face. he chuckles and leans down to kiss the top of your head.
“hello, dear” he says against your hair. before he walks into your apartment.
“why are you here?” you quickly say with your bottom lip sticking out in a pout with your arms crossed over your chest.
“i thought i made it aware. you can’t sleep.” he states as he brushes a few strands of hair out of your face and behind your ear.
“but i already told you im fine!!! go back home. it is all good here.” you say like a child , attempting to swat away his hand and starting to try and push him out the door.
“what if i said that i couldn’t sleep?” zayne says as he slightly cocks his head to the side at you with a soft smirk.
you pause in your tracks, trying to think of something to respond, knowing exactly what he’s doing. the gears try to slowly turn in your head until you look up at him, and you see him looking back down at you with a knowing grin showing he already got what he wanted.
“…fine.” you mumble begrudgingly as you drag yourself back to your room.
zayne lets out a small breath of laughter as he takes off his coat and begins to follow you to bed.
you sit down and lean against your headboard. picking up your phone and continuing to scroll as zayne joins you in bed. there’s a few moments of silence where you don’t even notice him looking at you. it wasn’t until he suddenly reaches over and snatches your phone right from your hands that you’re reminded of his presence and how he invaded your peaceful home.
“HEY!!! give it back!!!” you say as you jump to him trying to retrieve your phone from his grasp, something you knew was pointless.
“it’s almost 2:00 am you need to go to sleep.” he says with a softer voice as he plugs your phone in on the nightstand closer to him.
“do i have to say it again?” you practically growl as you loom over on top of him.
“well, now i’m here.” his voice deepening, as his hands begin to caress the sides of your torso. a combination he knows gets you to do whatever he wants.
you finally give up. falling on top of him onto his chest where he’s quick to wrap his arms around you and help you get settled.
“it’s not working im still not tired.” you say annoyed trying to wriggle out of his grasp. another fruitless effort, but hey you’ll still try.
one of zaynes hand creeps its way to your hair and begins brushing it out, as he uses his other hand to wrap the duvet around you both tucking, mainly you, in.
“talk to me until you do.” he says, still playing with your hair.
“about what?” you look up to him, with a much calmer demeanor that you don’t notice, but he smiles at.
“your day. what did you do today?” he asks, beginning to scratch up and down your back.
you release a small yawn before you begin to speak. which he uses as a sign to move the hand playing with your hair to cup your cheek, softly rubbing his thumb along the apple of it. making sure to keep his lips pressed against your head.
“well i didn’t do much today. i had a mission i was supposed to go on, but then they sent another group instead. so i just sat on my desk doing some some work i’ve been putting off until i got bored and decided to go shopping. and then once i got off work i went to the convenience store to get some snacks. and i also hope you know you can’t do this every time i can’t sleep. i very often struggle to do so.” you ramble, your voice losing energy the more you talk and closing your eyes by the time you get to the end of it.
zayne cranes his head down to press his lips against your forehead, still cupping your cheek and rubbing it tenderly. he begins to speak against your forehead in a quiet gentle voice.
“i’m aware, but every time that i am able to, i’ll gladly come over and comfort you to sleep. it’s no issue at all. i assure you.”
by the time he finished speaking, zaynes voice lulled you to bed. of course he knew exactly what to do to make you instantly fall asleep. he nuzzles your face once more before turning off the bedside lamp. he curls himself around your sleeping form nuzzling his face into your hair before drifting off to bed himself.
“goodnight, my love.”
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olderthannetfic · 3 months ago
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I always see people reminiscing about the Good Ole Days and about how antis are a new thing but. . .is that really true? Or am I just being autistic and taking things too literally, and they just mean it's way more of a common debate now than it used to be before, and that the landscape of shipwank has changed?
Idk, it's like I constantly hear about fandom wank and shipwars and censorship from decades ago, and yes I know "shipping/doxxing/censorship has always existed" can co exist with "antis are new" but I think there's still a bit of a comprehension gap on my end.
am i just dumb? What am I missing here? FWIW - I do feel like the context of "anti" has definitely changed. Back in early 2010s tumblr (I cannot speak of other website/platforms) I remember that tagging something as #Anti Donkey Kong didn't mean you think DK is an evil abusive monster and that everyone who likes him/mains him is also an evil abusive monster and that Nintendo is pushing the evil abusive monster agenda. #Anti Donkey Kong would just be character bashing, wank, letting out your grievances about how ugly DK is, etc, but it was really just a tag used for your own personal opinions (and for DK fans to filter out). Whereas now #Anti Donkey Kong would mean please go die and delete all your accounts if you support DK.
So I definitely know that "anti" has a way more intense definition now than it used to - but for some reason I find it a bit hard to grasp just how new this whole anti thing even is in the firstplace. It honestly makes me sad that I've never seen a pre-anti internet, assuming there really was a time before antis.
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Antis are new. Specifically, the "Conservative Protestantism in a gay hat" thing that that one tumblr post pointed out is new.
We had doxxing in the past. We had masses of shipwank. We also had "How dare you write that m/m ship. It's bad!"
The key is that the "Your m/m ship is bad" crowd used to openly be conservative Christian homophobes who objected to homosexuality itself. Nowadays, they're queer 20-somethings who like m/m ships but object to gay sex.
It's the anti-kink, anti-fantasy brigade coming from "our side" instead of the outside, essentially. It's respectability politics about "Sempai will love me if I just sanitize The Community and kick out the icky weirdos". It's personal disgust masquerading as morality where once it would have been masquerading as intellectual superiority.
It's a product of queerness being more public and tolerated overall. In the past, a lot of spaces devoted to m/m shipping had to be aggressively in favor of contentious fiction because the existence of anything m/m was itself contentious. There was plenty of "Well, my gay best friend said ___ is unrealistic, and my slash is good, unlike that of you plebes!" There was much less "Fujoshi means fetishizer".
Of course, I'm comparing the 90s internet to now or the mid 00s Livejournal fandom to Tumblr of this past decade. It really depends on whether Ye Olden Times was five years ago or twenty five.
The modern use of the term 'anti' did indeed grow out of the old habit of tagging your hate. As the default cultural mode shifted from "My NOTP is dumb" to "My NOTP is problematic", the usage changed. At some point, antis started getting offended by their self-applied term and pretending that the other side inflicted it on them. This is revisionism. Fiction-is-not-reality had some writeups with citations in the past.
The big shifts were happening around 2012-2016. The long slide into puritywankers being everywhere has only continued since then, but that's where the tipping point seems to have been. TikTok exacerbates this nonsense, and there are clearly plenty of people who are anti-queer and only weaponizing clueless queer youth.
The big shift is that liking m/m used to weed out most of the worst people, and now it attracts lots of them who will not fucking go away because they like the same ship, just the hand-holdy, no dicks can touch ever version.
They spend their time bleating about how AO3 should have been built for them and how anti-censorship activism doesn't matter... because they've grown up in a fandom world dominated by AO3, which shelters them from the reality that the "Ewww, all m/m sucks!" crowd is everywhere on other sites to this day.
That's probably why the shift is when it is. Certain aspects of mainstream queer acceptance were on the rise just as AO3 was getting big. But at the same time, the world is shit and everyone has anxiety they self-medicate through rage and security theater around sniffing out The Bad People.
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