#it's how ive cut down the water bill the last month..........

[whoslaurapalmer]

can't sleep. it's the 'I've now watched three whole entire episodes of twin peaks and a fourth one is starting' can't sleep

[avaritia-apotheosis]

Debts to Pay - Phic Phight 2022

Prompt: Hospitals are expensive, doubly so for a mostly unknown illness that’s only consistent symptom is puss-filled abscesses on the skin and ectoplasmic contamination. After two years, Vlad is suddenly faced with the realization that there’s no way he’s going to be able to pay back all of his hospital bills, or his student loans, in his lifetime. What’s a broke college dropout who’s bed-bound for most of the time with no friends or family to do? Well there’s always bank robbery…

For: @reading-wanderer

Skin graph.

IV Fluids.

MRI.

Blood tests.

Radiation Treatment.

Bandages.

The slate gray skies began to rain. Vlad spared a quick glance upwards before shaking it off and pulling the hood of his cheap polyester sweater lower over his face.

Hospital room and board.

Pharmaceuticals— need to visit the pharmacy soon for a refill.

Electricity bill.

Heating and Water bill.

Rent on his shitty apartment.

His stomach growled. With a frown, he clutched his abdomen, brows furrowed as he tried to remember what he had in his fridge. Did he even have anything in his fridge? He might have to go grocery shopping soon. Another bill. 

What’s one more? It’s not like Vlad is going to be able to pay any of this off on his own, even if he lived two lifetimes. He could take out a loan to give himself more time, but considering the size of his student loans and the cost of insurance and…well, it’ll probably end up with him getting more debt than less.

This would be much easier if he wasn’t disowned and cut-off from the family fortune. Hmm…maybe if he just— no. No. He’d damn himself if he went crawling back to his family now. Not after everything. Not after they didn’t even visit him when he was lying on death’s door and being poisoned by some unknown radiation. Vlad would rather sell his kidneys.

Actually that might not be such a bad idea…

“Watch it!” said the man Vlad bumped into. The man gave Vlad an annoyed look, pulling at the collar of his jacket before bustling away.

Normally Vlad would simply roll his eyes or send a scathing remark for the man’s rudeness, but instead, he frowned. He looked down at his hand. 

There was a wallet.

It wasn’t his wallet. 

Suddenly his hand just disappeared and the wallet dropped onto the floor.

What in the world?

***

Vlad spent three weeks experimenting with his powers, timing how long the intangibility and the invisibility last (as long as he wants if he’s concentrating), the range (his entire body and anything he’s directly touching), and how quickly he could activate it (his record is five seconds for his whole body, though he’s still working on doing it more naturally). He’s not entirely sure how he got it— though he’d bet the rest of his dismal savings that it had something to do with Jack’s damned proto-portal back in college. The ectoplasmic radiation must have done something to him. Changed him somehow.

Made Vlad into something...more.

Once he felt comfortable in working his powers, he got to work putting it to practical use. 

Namely, pickpocketing. 

He’s careful when picking his marks, making sure they don't look too perceptive. He never hits the same area twice in a row, goes for a variety of targets, and makes sure to never touch credit cards. Cash was the way to go—it leaves less of a record. He drops off the wallets in different places. Park benches, flower beds, trash cans, etc. If he’s feeling particularly mischievous, he’ll use his intangibility to sneak it into someone’s bag.

Eventually, he escalates it. A couple of stores. An ATM machine. One time he stole a gold Rolex watch from one pawn shop and sold it to a different pawn shop across town. 

He had enough money to tide him over for a couple of months.

The bills never seemed to go down.

And then he heard news of a new bank opening downtown, headed by a man he used to know, back when he was still the proud heir of the Masters fortune. Some pompous prick whose inane chatter he had to suffer through all because dear old dad was negotiating some sort of business deal with them. 

Richards was his name.

Nathaniel Richards.

And he boasted that his bank’s security system was impenetrable. 

Well, not if Vlad had anything to say about it.

***

Before the year was out, Vlad payed off all his debts. A string of good luck with some investments, he would say.

A year after that, Vlad visits his father for the first time in years. Immediately after that visit, Mr. Masters would go visit his lawyer and have his will changed, giving Vlad back his inheritance despite vehemently protesting the notion just months before. Six months later, Mr. Masters dies of a heart attack and Vlad Masters takes his place amongst America’s old money families.

In the years after that, Vlad will set up a string of successful businesses, building his empire from the ground up. His business rivals fear sitting across from him on the negotiating table. Vlad Masters’ persuasion is ruthlessly efficient; one minute you’re shaking his hand, and the next you’re signing away your company and your soul.

At 45 years old, Vlad Masters had become one of the richest people in the world. He sets up shop in a sprawling castle in Wisconsin, fails again to buy the Green Bay Packers, and schemes.

In his underground lab he holds a faded photograph in his grasp. A picture of happier times. Of foolish times. In two weeks, he will host his college class reunion here in his home. In two weeks, the man he once called his best friend and the love of his life will come. In two weeks, he and Jack will meet again, and god willing by the end of this whole affair only one of them will leave this place alive.

It was Jack’s buffoonery that lost Vlad everything. And it was Jack’s mistake that made Vlad into something even more. It was only good manners that he ‘thank’ his good ol’ friend Jack.

With one angry motion, he ripped the photo in two.

Vlad Masters always repays his debts.

[machine-gun-casie]

tavern music

synopsis: corpse hears tavern music coming from your room (gn!reader)

warnings: rpf, reader gets cheated on, kind of unrequited feelings, mostly hurt/comfort and physical affection tho (what im trying to say is that this is mostly self indulgent)

wc: 1.7k

a/n: havent written in a while but i found this in my arsenal, fixed it up a bit and viola. original plans for this was definitely something longer that would end with them being together but im not up for writing rn. been feeling really shitty lately and ive been needing something like this in my life. hope u guys like it ♡

He couldn’t hear it at first. His headset was on and everyone was being so loud on the discord call. When he started the stream, he really thought it was gonna be a long one. But he’s only two hours in and he’s ready to get the hell off because something was definitely wrong.

“Corpse?” His name being spoken finally broke him out of his trance, he only hummed in response. “You’ve been really quiet. Are you sure you’re up for another game?”

“Actually,” he starts as he closes a few tabs, “I think I’ve gotta go. Today was fun, though. Thanks for having me guys.”

After a chorus of ‘goodbye’s and ‘see you later’s, Corpse disconnected from the discord call. “Thank you guys for being here,” he addressed the chat, “sorry I’m ending so early today. I promise I’ll make it up to you next time. Take care of yourselves. Later.”

After hanging up his headset and getting out of the chair he’s been sitting in for far too long, Corpse made the short trek to your room. 

You had only been roommates for less than four months, but Corpse could confidently say that you have become one of his closest friends. Getting a roommate was the last resort that he never wanted to actually resort to. But alas, medical bills were piling up and youtube and music don’t make half as much money as people think they do. So cutting rent in half was the best plan he could come up with. He did have an extra guest room that no one ever stayed in. Of course having someone move into his personal space was terrifying to him. He didn’t just want to post an ad on craigslist or something. So he asked a couple trusted friends to ask a couple trusted friends… And that’s when you came in.

You were the trusted friend of a trusted friend of a trusted friend. When you met, you didn’t make a comment about his voice. Your face sure as hell showed your surprise but you didn’t say anything. To Corpse, this meant one of two things. You either knew who he was but didn’t want to freak him out, or you didn’t know about his online persona and were just genuinely shocked by his voice. It only took a few minutes of knowing you to know that it was the latter. Thank god. You were like anyone your age with social media. You had a few accounts, followed a few people, but mostly used it to stay in contact with friends. 

It only took you guys a week to realize you had way too much in common. After many a late night when he wasn’t streaming, and many an early morning when he was just done streaming, you two became inseparable. Nothing could keep you apart.

Except for one thing.

You had a boyfriend.

There was nothing wrong with your boyfriend, per se. Just the fact that he was your boyfriend and Corpse was not. 

Yeah, Corpse definitely had feelings for you. 

But right now, feelings didn’t matter when he could hear tavern music coming from your room.

He knocked lightly and pushed the door open slowly. “y/n? Can I come in?”

No response came, just sniffles and sobs. The lack of refusal on your part gave him the courage he needed to open the door wider and step into your room. He had only been in your room a couple of times since you had moved in. But he had never been in a room that gave off the feeling of a person so well.

You were curled up on your bed, facing your open laptop screen and the tavern music coming from its speakers. With every sob shaking your chest, Corpse felt his heart break. “y/n,” he murmured softly, “what’s wrong?”

“It’s not working.” Came your reply, heavy with tears. “You said it would make you feel like you're going on an adventure but I still feel like crap.”

“What happened?” Corpse asked as he sat down on your bed, facing you. You slowly sat up and crossed your legs at your ankles in front of you.

“He-” You sighed heavily. “He cheated on me.”

“What?”

“He cheated on me -has been cheating on me- with my best friend. My little brother found out.” You groaned and dramatically dropped your head onto Corpse’s thigh. His hand immediately came in contact with your cheek as he brushed a few stray tears away.

There was rarely any physical contact between you and Corpse. Sometimes you’d give him a high five, sometimes he’d give you fist bump. And there was that one time you came up behind him at the grocery store and hugged his arm to your chest. You immediately whispered something along the lines of ‘creep won’t leave me alone’ followed by a loud ‘hey babe!’

Corpse could barely admit to himself how much he liked that.

But this? This felt good. Corpse’s large warm hand on your face somehow made you want to cry more but in a good way. The tenderness with which he held your face made your heart squeeze as it remembered moments like this with your boyf- ex boyfriend. But then it remembered your brother’s words.

“Hey, what’s up?” You spoke as you answered his call. Your brother wasn’t much of a caller, so it made you worry. 

“Hey, where are you right now?”

“I’m home, why?”

“y/n… There’s something I gotta tell you.” He sighed and you could clearly hear the guilt.

“Did you break my DS!” It was your first thought as you had given it to him the last time you had seen him. “Dude! I’ve had that since I was seven!”

“No no, I called about something else.” He cut you off mid-whine. “But also I did lose the pen.” You huffed out a sigh of frustration but stayed silent so he could tell you what he wanted to tell you. “I saw your boyfriend at the park today.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “And?” How did this warrant a phone call? 

“He was with Bob.” 

When you had met your best friend, your brother was only a toddler. He had decided that her name was Bob, so it stuck. You always called her Bob, she was saved as Bob in your phone, your whole family called her Bob. But you still didn't understand. Why was he calling you to tell you that your boyfriend and your best friend were at the park? 

“Why are you calling me about this? You know that they’re friends, right?” You let out a chuckle, albeit still pretty confused. “They’re allowed to hang out without me.” 

“They weren’t hanging out.” You could hear your brother push out a strained sigh. What wasn’t he telling you? “They were making out on the swing set. As in, both of them on one swing. And I double checked, it was definitely them. I-I told mom and she said not to tell you, but I couldn’t not tell you when I’m the one who saw it!”

You couldn’t bring yourself to say a word.

“I’m sorry, y/n.”

There was no lying to yourself, you had doubts about your best friend and your boyfriend. But you constantly brushed it off. He wouldn’t hurt you like that. Hell, she couldn’t hurt like that. Not after everything you had been through together. 

But you had seen his call log by accident one time, he called her more than he did you. She face-timed him one time to ask his opinion about a dress she was going to buy while you were in the changing room. She had done a handful of things since your relationship with your boyfriend started that made you uneasy. If this was their first kiss, which was something you doubted, then they’ve both been emotionally attached to the other for far too long.

All those tender intimate moments, all those dates, throughout everything, he wasn’t faithful. Not emotionally, at least. None of those moments that you cherished meant anything to you anymore. He had played you. With none other than your best friend since middle school. You didn’t know who to be more mad at.

The thoughts of betrayal from someone who you considered a sister and the hurt of being cheated on made you nauseated.

So when the large warm hand on your face stroked your cheek again, you didn’t mind it. This was Corpse. Not your cheating boyfriend. Not your lying best friend. Corpse. And you knew that he would never hurt you.

“He’s been cheating on me for a while I think.” You mumbled against his sweatpants. “Maybe a couple months. I don’t know.” 

Corpse furrowed his brows in thought. You had told him you were going to visit your boyfriend for your one year anniversary next week. “Weren’t you go-”

“Yeah.”

“And Bob’s been your friend since-”

“Yeah.” Your chin wobbled as you answered. You brought your arms up around Corpse’s thigh and hugged it. It was a strange position, but you didn’t care. He was so warm and nice and hugging him properly required more movement on your end than you were willing to do.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Corpse sighed and reached out to untangle your arms from his leg. He gently pulled you across the few inches of bed between you and sat you in his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, immediately sobbing into his shoulder. “Do you want me to turn off the music?” You shook your head no against him and he chuckled before he solemnly sighed. “When did you find out?” 

“When I came home.”

“But you came home hours ago. Have you been in here this whole time?” You nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were streaming, didn’t wanna interrupt.” You shrugged.

“y/n,” he sighed disappointedly, “you’re my best friend. I can end a stream if you need me.”

“Okay.” Your voice, broken and weak and tired, made him feel so guilty. You had been crying your heart out for over two hours just down the hall from where he was.

He gently grabbed you by your hips and tried to push you away, but you only held on tighter and whimpered. “I just wanna get you some water.”

“I don’t want water.”

“Then what do you want?”

“You.” You whispered. “Please stay.” 

Fuck. How could he say no to that?

So he stayed.

[finnyboywolfhard]

Oh My God

Richie Tozier x Reader

Summary: Soulmate AU where everybody hears a specific thing their soulmate says.

Word Count: 1.2k

The thought of soulmates is a scary concept for most people. Only made scarier when each person hears different things their soulmate does. Some people can hear their soulmate say the word Love, some people can hear whenever their soulmate cries, some people can hear when their soulmate is singing. Each person has their own special thing that they hear. Unfortunately for Y/N, she hears whenever her soulmate curses, and whoever it was cursed like a sailor.

From from the age 14 until now, Y/N hated how much her soulmate cursed. It’s not like she didn’t have the same words in her vernacular, or she never used them. She did....a lot more than she would want others to know. That didn’t mean however she appreciate how many times a day she heard cursing ringing through her ears. It seemed like every five minutes she had to hear, “fuck”, “damn” “bitch” or “shit” or else her world would implode on itself.

The whole soulmate thing wasn’t any better for Richie Tozier. All of his friends got cute sayings and words that they would hear their soulmates hear. But nope, he was the one in the group that got stuck with hearing ‘’oh my god” multiple times a day. It didn’t take long for him to realize that it was said frequently, almost as frequently as he had cursed. Richie was smarter than people thought he was, which is how he knew and memorized the girls voice very quickly, and also discovered that she was closer than first suspected.

When he first realized that she was the girl who sat in the back of the math classroom is when he called Bill a dick for taking his last piece of gum and he had heard the girl lean to her friend and say, “oh my god, i heard him again.” The oh my god echoed through his head before her friend casually said, “Isn’t this like his fifth curse word this hour?”

“Try fifth time in the last 20 minutes. Ive heard fuck twice, bitch once, shit once and now dick. Isn’t this just lovely?”

“I don’t know how you do it. I’m lucky that i only hear my soulmate introduce himself, I can’t wait to meet him one day.”

“Aren’t you one of the lucky ones?’ Just as she said that she noticed Richie looking at her.

“Hey Tozier, is there a reason you’re staring?”

Richie was baffled that she had noticed him staring at her. He fumbled over his words trying to figure out what to say, before he noticed something different. She was wearing her hair down as opposed to the ponytail she usually wears.

“I like your hair down Y/N, i think you look beautiful like that.”

“Oh my god.” And the echo flowed through his head. “Richie, i think that might be the nicest thing i have ever heard you say.”

“Don’t think about that.” He smiled towards her before the teacher commanded their attention from the front of the room.

From that point on, RIchie was determined to not curse around her until he was 100% sure that she was his soulmate and that she liked him even the littlest bit. As time passed, Y/N grew more and more interested in the boy in her math class. She swore something was different about him, yet she couldn’t tell what. But she knew that she felt guilty every time she let her gaze fall on him for on her than usual. And she felt guilty when she flirted back with him. She felt guilty when her thoughts became to be flooded with images and scenarios involving him. She felt guilty that he probably wasn’t her soulmate, but here she was falling irreversibly head over heels for him.

Richie began to keep count of every time he heard the echo of you saying oh my god. Before he had known his soulmate was you, he hated hearing the phrase. But now it was the feeling of flipping to the cool side of your pillow in the middle of the night. It’s the smell of fresh cut grass on a cool summer morning. It was a glass of cold water after standing in the beaming sun. It was falling asleep to the thought of someone you love. The phrase “oh my god” became a phrase that symbolized all of the small treasures of the world to him. It became his favorite set of words in the entire English language.

On a warmer spring day in Derry, the math teacher had the windows wide open during class. The girls were wearing more loose, flowing clothes. The boys were wearing their best shorts and short sleeved shirts. For once, Derry was calm and free than constricting and tense. Y/N sat along the windowsill after the teacher told them they could pack up. Richie came beside her and sat down, stranding Bill to stand alone with the teacher.

“You look really beautiful today Y/N. I mean it.”

The girl struggled thinking of what her best course of action here was.

“Listen Rich...oh my god this is so much harder than i thought it would be.” The echo flooded his head. “Okay, so i really really really like you Richie. But I shouldn’t. That would be wrong of me to be in love with you if my soulmate is out there somewhere and I’m sitting her infatuated by some boy in my math class.”

“Hey, I’m not just some boy in your math class. I’m your fucking soulmate, who is in fucking love with you and is really fucking happy that you love me back.”

“Richie Tozier, language. If i hear one more, you’re headed to detention.” The teacher shouted from the front. However the two of them were completely ignoring her threats.

Echos of his words were beating against her head, begging her to do something because she just found her soulmate.

“How long have you known?”

“Please don’t be mad at me, but like 6 months.”

“Oh my god.” Y/N said, unknowing that those three words have caused the boy overwhelming amounts of emotions. Richie reached his hands out, cupping the girls cheeks in his hands and pulled her in for a chaste kiss. Spirals of all the times he had cursed and she muttered those three little words coursed through their heads all at once. The feeling was intoxicating and invigorating, and was only made better by how good the kiss actually was. When they finally pulled away, everyone in the classroom was looking at the pair sitting before them.

“Oh my god Richie, make them stop staring.”

“Hey, me and Y/N are soulmates, so all of you guys can stop looking at her. Thanks.” And he pulled you close into his side. He whispered into her ear one last thing.

“Please never stop saying oh my god.”

[jaredtwjb931]

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Bruising and also swelling are typical side effect of liposuction. Just how much of it you experience in the days after your treatment depends on your body. Our tailored procedure generally triggers only small bruising and swelling, since using water rather than physical pressure keeps any kind of interruption of tissue to a minimum. The objective is to eliminate fat cells, not to slim down, and also prospects ought to be within 30 pounds of their target weight. Lipo results are best measured in a midsection or pant dimension decrease. If you want fat burning, discover the Orbera Gastric Balloon. What your therapy will resemble is figured out by you and the cosmetic surgeon who you will meet in an individual assessment.

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[divine-noire]

Mononucleosis Awareness Post

So I caught Mono participating in Hot Girl Summer™ (jk jk lmao) but I did get Mono, and this shit is not a fucking joke. If you feel like you might have it, please go to the doctor. Over the past 4 weeks, I have been going through literal medical hell from complications. I’m gonna list the symptoms I’ve had and if you feel like you might have it, go get looked at. I thought Mono was something only horny ass teens got in high school playing spin the bottle, I’m 26 (27 next month) and was NOT expecting this shit at all.

Fatigue

My first symptom that something was wrong was fatigue. This is not normal, everyday fatigue. This is actually waking up and feeling like the world is ending when you take your first step, fatigue. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. While driving, I put my emergency break on at red lights because I was afraid I would fall asleep while at the standstill. At work, if there were no calls, my head was down (luckily, my boss is only here twice a week so I could get away with this). At home, I was in bed by 6PM and when you do sleep, it’s immediate. There is no gradual lulling off to sleep. It’s face-meet-pillow-meet-morning-alarm type of sleep. But I was still tired no matter how much I slept so I started using No Doze to counteract the effects. At first, it was fine, but even then, I still had the underlying fatigue. It got so bad, I drove over a friend’s house in Greenbelt, MD which is about an hour and a half away with rush hour traffic, using every bit of energy I had in my body to get to her, because she said she would take care of me, which she did. But by the time I pulled up to her house, I basically almost fell out of the driver side door when she opened it for me. That is not an exaggeration, that is the level of exhaustion I felt from just driving that far without sleeping. We thought I had the flu or something flu-like, so she gave me fluids and alot of Day & NightQuil. It made the symptoms lessen, but it never made them go away.

Sore Throat

At the beginning, my throat merely felt scratchy. This lasted for about 3 days, before I knew it, my voice was gone and my throat was in so much pain I gave up talking. The pain is not akin to Strep Throat, if you’ve had that before. It is actually worse. My throat was swollen as a symptom of the virus, but it graduated into its own infection of severe Tonsillitis. It was so severe that I actually began having trouble swallowing from the amount of swelling that it caused. I had to receive a steroid injection in my butt to counteract the swelling and start methylprednisone (which wasn’t strong enough and I had to go back for regular prednisone 20mg). I couldn’t eat anything without pain, so I stuck to drinking a lot of fluids and ice water. Ice water became my guardian angel because my throat was in a constant state of burning pain. I also grew exodus on the back of my throat, past my tonsils, as a result of the infection in my throat, and had to gargle salt water like crazy everyday to get them out. The exodus hurts, it is hard and feels like cement on the back of your throat and it makes the Tonsillitis 10x worse than it already is. I didn’t have a voice at all for 12 days, I had to use a dry erase board for all interactions (it’s quicker than typing on my phone.) 

Nausea

Now my case may be different because the doctors keep telling me my nausea shouldn’t have gone on as long as it did and that I need to go see a Gastroenterologist ASAP but that’s a different story for a different post. Nausea was my worst and most persistent symptom to date. The kind of nausea you may feel will be persistent. I woke up nauseous to the point of my mouth salivating as though I were about to vomit everyday for about 2-2.5 weeks. This never settled. There was never a time my mouth was not salivating, I had to begin keeping paper cups at my desk to spit the residual saliva into throughout the day because it never subsided. One day, I had a salad for lunch from Panera even though I wasn’t hungry, I knew I should try to eat something. (By this time, my throat had made some progress and I could swallow some whole things.) I immediately regretted that decision when I lay in bed at midnight holding my stomach like the world was ending. I was so nauseous that I couldn’t get myself together enough to even get out of bed. The thing that makes the nausea symptom so bad (for me) is that it never made be actually vomit, it just created the sensation of needing to. Eventually, I broke down and stuck a straw down my throat just to alleviate the symptom a bit and threw up the salad, and it didn’t even look like it’d been digested properly. That made the nausea go away for the night, and after that I gave up eating anything solid hoping that would prevent any future nausea, spoiler alert: I was wrong. My salivating mouth picked up right where it left off, it was as though all I went through the night before didn’t even matter. My stomach was empty and still nauseated. That night, the nausea was so bad that I just knew something was off and I drove myself to the ER (Note: I drive myself to the ER that is less than 10-minutes away all the time to save money on an ambulance, if you feel you are not safe to drive, dial 911, it is better to just pay the ambulance than cause an accident and make your situation worse than it already is.). When I got there, I was beyond exhausted, nauseous, dizzy, I just felt like I was dying. The doctor brought me back, took my vitals, asked the usual questions. I told him about the nausea, the Mono diagnosis, he said he wanted me to get a temporary room while he ran some tests. I got a room and a nurse came in and gave me a shot of Zofran for the nausea that did absolutely nothing. It was so bad that when he came back in, I asked for Ipecac or a straw to induce vomiting again. Alarmed, he said they wanted to avoid me vomiting and gave me an additional shot of Zofran. That helped that time, but I still just felt overall terrible. The doctor came in later and told me my potassium levels were extremely low, explaining the extreme fatigue and dizziness, that my liver was swollen from the Mono, and that the nausea was alarming and he would be admitting me for treatment. I was shocked that this virus had done such a number on me. My throat had even worsened and was now even more swollen and painful than it was before (I hadn’t gotten the 20mg prednisone script yet.). I spent 2 days with an IV in my arm, eating mushy foods and sleeping in the hospital. I had to take off work because I was in no shape to even drive there, let alone get anything done. After the 2 days went by, I actually felt back to my normal self! I was so fucking happy to exist and not feel like dying after weeks of wanting to that I went home and started cleaning my room. I had let it get atrocious from not feeling well or feeling like doing anything besides sleeping. Shortly after I began, the fatigue kicked in, the only symptom to never leave, and I sat my ass down and watched Rick & Morty with Sebastia and went to sleep instead, which was probably the safer bet. Fast forward 8 nausea-free days, and guess what’s back??? It’s tolerable now, but still an extreme nuisance. I get my Zofran prescription and it does didly fucking squat to alleviate the nausea. I call the Urgent Care that diagnosed me and ask if there’s anything stronger for nausea and they tell me all the stronger shit will have me bedbound and loopy. Bills gotta get paid so we can’t have that. So that night, in a moment of nauseous desperation, I took double the dosage of the Zofran to alleviate the discomfort. Now, I understand I shouldn’t have done this, but I was DESPERATE and afterward, I felt great. It was the first time the medicine had done wtf the doctors said it would do and the way it was supposed to: quick, fast and in a motherfucking sprint. So I stupidly called the Urgent Care to ask them about the nausea medicine again (I have such a good relationship with this UC for some reason, probably because I hate my primary.) and told them what I’d done the night before and that I was now out of nausea meds and needed a refill before it came back, which was all true. Jessica, the nurse I always saw, was alarmed and spoke to the doctor on duty there, and told them about what I did. Then they cut me off and said to go ask my Primary for the refill because I’ve been utilizing them way too much (long story short). But she also said that I shouldn’t need that much Zofran and something else is going on and I need to be seen by a Gastro. That $40 co-pay appointment is still pending. Andddd I’ve been nausea-free for about a week now, but as I type this, my mouth just began salivating so it looks like I’m gonna be dealing with that again soon. Fuck.

Dizziness

My dizziness didn’t come full force until about 4 days ago (Week 4). I was out at a shopping center getting groceries and while I was parking at a nearby Dunkin Donuts, the world legit started slanting. I felt like I’d been drugged all of a sudden. My skin felt cold and clammy, everything felt out of focus and I immediately needed to lie down. Luckily, it came right after I’d put my car in park and had the opportunity to put my seat back and do so. I waited about 10 minutes maybe, and then I felt ok enough to get out and go get some food because I thought I was just hungry because I hadn’t eaten yet. Even standing in line and waiting for the food afterward was difficult. I had to sit down or else I’d fall down. I got back in my car and ate and laid down again, went back to the store to get eggs I forgot to grab before, and on the walk back to my car almost walked into another parked car. Of course, people saw and probably thought I was drunk or something. I was embarrassed but didn’t have the motor skills energy to explain the situation of feeling like I was in 2 bodies at once. This symptom has come and gone as it pleases, but luckily after a good 2-hour nap that day when I got home, I felt alot better. 

Poor Appetite

While battling this virus, I have lost 10 pounds and still counting in the past 4 weeks. While it’s great to fit into clothes I was once too thick to get past my thighs, it is not the way I wanted to lose the weight. In the beginning, I always felt full no matter what, which made me not want to eat, combined with the nausea, it made eating something I just wasn’t in the mood to ever do. This went on for weeks, which caused the weight loss. I learned later that my swollen liver pressing against my stomach is what caused the sensation of fullness, hence, not ever feeling like I should eat. Now, my appetite has returned, and I’ve been eating nothing but starchy, fatty nonsense my diet never would’ve allowed before I got sick. And even with all the newfound calories I’ve been non-stop digesting (seriously guys, pizza 5 days straight, bread bowls, bacon egg and cheese croissants, cheesecake, donuts...) I’m still shedding pounds. My Gold’s Gym Membership is gathering dust because I can’t go workout with my body still always in fatigue-mode and it’s probably just not kosher to do with this kind of virus. My mom said I should celebrate for now until it becomes a cause for concern later, but I think I should probably be concerned now since the earlier you find something out the better health-wise. I lowkey did some research and think I might have Hepatitis-C from the virus, which is curable, but sucks all the same if I’m right. I inherited my mother’s extremely poor immune system, so I really wouldn’t be surprised. I’ll post before and after photos of my weight loss separately, don’t want Tumblr turning me into the Face of Mono™ because of this post. 

Swollen Lymph Nodes

This was one of the lesser symptoms that went away by week 2-2.5. They are definitely sensitive and noticeable. I found that icing them alleviated a lot of the discomfort and made it tolerable, but overall, these were the least of my worries.

If you experience any of these symptoms or think you may have Mono, definitely get yourself checked out. They can do a rapid test at any Urgent Care or ER and let you know during your visit if you have it. This shit is not a joke. I’m still dealing with the symptoms right now and have no inclination of when they will be gone. The literature says anywhere from a few weeks to a year, I’m praying for the initial option but I have no way of knowing for sure. I say all this to say, pay attention to and know your body, guys. You only get one. 

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Baby Love -Part 6

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

A/N: Apologies my read more isnt working! WTF??

Chris had held my hand the entire the time we walked the red carpet, where as usually my arm would casually be linked with his when i attended events with him. When he stopped for photo's he pulled me close, his hand either resting on my hip or the small of my back. The press covering the Charity Event had been all over us as soon as it was apparent that i was now more than just a friend. This news had blown up on social media and gossip columns of course!

"Will you put that down and eat" Chris mumbled as he walked into the kitchen to find me on the ipad again.

"Its been days and their still going on about it! Your fans hate me now by the way!"

"Babe we knew they'd be some hate, just stop looking at it. Remember its not good for the baby if you stress yourself out" he said sitting next to me and pulling the ipad from my hands "no more of that"

"Fine" i rolled my eyes stabbing a piece of fruit and popping it in my mouth"

"It will calm down i promise"

"Yeah eventually, then we're gonna drop the baby bombshell and all hell will break loose again"

"It will be fine, im sure theres plenty of nice things being said. Its just your only looking at the bad"

"Your lucky i love you Evans" i shook my head as i stabbed another piece of fruit, when I looked up Chris was looking at me with a huge cheesy smile "why are you smiling at me like that?"

"You just said you love me" he said smugly, i instantly felt myself start to panic..... shit, was it too soon to admit that??

"Well of course i love you...." i shrugged casually even though my heart was racing "your my best friend...."

"I love you too" he said quickly stopping my nervous ramblings as he leant forward pressing a kiss to my lips. We were soon interrupted by my cell phone ringing "ignore it" he mumbled against my lips making me laugh.

"I cant its probably your mom"

"Way to kill the mood sweetheart"

"Im sorry baby" i reached for my phone and quickly answered before it cut off.

"Hi Lisa"

"Hey sweetie, the girls and me are going to take you out for lunch today"

"You don't have to do that, I'm fine i promise"

"Shanna said she had been texting you and you seemed down so we're taking you out to take your mind off it"

"I don't even have anything to wear, I'm still at Chris's...."

"Well, we'll pick you up at your place at say 13:00? That gives you plenty of time to get home and dressed for lunch"

"Yeah okay, i guess that works"

"Okay, well i'll let you go and i'll see you at 13:00"

"See you then" i ended the call and turned to Chris "i gotta go"

"What, why?"

"Your mom and sisters are taking me to lunch to cheer me up apparently"

"So why do you have to leave now?"

"Because i haven't got anything to wear here, everything i had is dirty and i cant go to lunch in your shirt" i rolled my eyes at him "id better get my stuff together and get home. Their picking me up at 13:00" i gave him a quick kiss and walked out heading to his bedroom to get my things.

After shoving my dirty clothes back into my bag and pulling on my shorts i headed back out to find Chris sitting at the dining table staring out the window.

"You okay?" I asked running my fingers through his hair and placing a kiss to the side of his head. Chris looked up at me nodding with a smile before pulling me into his lap.

"I don't want you to go" he pouted making me chuckle.

"I gotta go baby, you know how difficult it is to tell your mom and sisters no"

"Move in with me" he suddenly said, i thought he was joking but when i leant back to look at him he was obviously being dead serious.

"What??"

"It makes sense that you move in, i mean your here with me more than your at your place anyway. Plus i want you and the baby here with me"

"Your serious aren't you...."

"Of course i am, it feels right when your here"

"Okay...." i nodded with a smile "if your sure thats what you want?"

"Yes!!"

"I still gotta go now though" i laughed before kissing him quickly and jumping up "i love you!" I called as i neared the front door.

"I love you too!".

Lunch was at a little place called 'Lou's' it was a small family run Italian place Chris and I found years ago and absolutely loved. We were seated in back as soon as we arrived and the four of us were soon eating lunch and chatting away.

"I still cant believe you and Chris are finally together" Carly said taking a mouthful of her wine "and... pregnant" she whispered the last part.

"Yeah i know, it came as a bit of a shock to us too but I'm glad it happened. His honestly the best man i know" i said feeling myself blush.

"I think you make a cute couple" Shanna added smiling at me, we'd always gotten along well she was one of my closest friends.

"Thanks Shan, that means alot" i picked up my glass of water and took a sip.

The waitress approached our table offering to top up the wine glasses, as she got to mine i stopped her quickly and just asked for some more water. She looked at me with raised eyebrows, her name was Debra and she was so used to serving Chris and me and me usually drinking too much wine!

"Your not drinking?"

"Jesus Debra, you say that like Ive got a drinking problem" i joke with her "no, I'm just not feeling too great today so avoiding the alcohol"

"Your not pregnant are you!?" She laughed.

"Oh god no! Im fine really"

"Okay just checking" she winked and walked off.

"When are you guys gonna announce the news?" Shanna asked quietly from beside me.

"If i had my way? Never!"

"Sweetheart you'll be fine" Lisa added trying to be supportive, the truth was there was nothing anyone could say that would make me believe it would be okay.

"Im terrified, the things ive read online since that Charity Gala.... i can only imagine what will be said about this"

"We're all here for you both, you can always come to Boston and stay with us if you need a break"

"Thank you Lisa, when do you all head back to Boston?"

"End of the month, we'll come back nearer the time of.... you know" she nodded at my stomach.

"You don't have to do that...."

"I want to, your gonna need family around you"

"Im coming too!" Shanna added taking hold of my hand.

"You guys are the best, I've always thought of you as family.... you know i don't have anything to do with my own family...so I'm grateful for you all"

While we were eating desert i got a message from Chris.

Hey sweetheart, your coming back here tonight right? Xx

"Is that brother of mine texting you already?" Shanna nudged me playfully.

"Yeah" i smiled as i replied to the message.

Hey babe, yeah i'll be back tonight after I've picked up some clean clothes and things xx

You need me to pick you up? Xx

Sure, i'll text you when I'm home. We're just finishing up desert shouldn't be much longer xx

I'll be waiting for your message, i miss you! Xx

Your so needy! :p xx

Miss you too though xx

"I'll be right back, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom" i told the girls before getting up and making my way out back.

Once i was done and was making my way back to our table i was suddenly approached by a guy holding a camera who was constantly snapping photo's of me.

"Excuse me sir you cant be in here doing that!" I heard Lou say loudly and start to lead the guy out, even then he didn't stop snapping photo's. Lisa, Shanna and Carly came rushing over hearing the commotion and got me back to our table hidden in the back.

"You okay hun?" Carly asked sitting me down in my chair.

"Yeah, just wasn't expecting that as soon as i stepped out of the bathroom"

"What an asshole" Shanna muttered making me laugh.

"Y/N I'm so sorry, i didn't see him come in" Lou said as he approached our table.

"Its fine Lou, you can't keep them away all the time" i smiled at him, once he could see we were okay he got back to work.

"Well so much for cheering you up" Lisa scoffed picking her wine glass up and drinking the rest in one gulp.

"You did cheer me up, I've had a lovely afternoon" i said truthfully even though i couldn't wait to get home to Chris.

We settled the bill and got back to the cars, 30 minutes later i was home and packing my bag ready to head to Chris's.

Hey, what the hell happened at lunch? You got papped?? Xx

Yeah, guy just started taking photo's as i came out of the bathroom. It was fine Lou got him out xx

Your sure your okay? Xx

Im fine, come get me? Im Just finishing up packing my things xx

Im leaving now, wont be long xx

While i sat waiting for Chris the notifications on my social media accounts started going crazy! I opened one and saw a photo of me sitting having lunch with Chris's family, the caption stating how things must be getting serious if I'm having lunch with his family. The comments were mostly people saying how i didn't deserve to be with Chris and how much better he could do than me, that i was only with him for the fame and money.... i couldn't stop the tears that ran freely down my face.

Baby love tags: @jennmurawski13 @mybabyboytony

@ms-betsy-fangirl @vampgirl1997 @ajosieface

@afuckingshituniverse @chmedic @esoltis280

@southerngracela @bethabear12 @letsdisneythings

@sellulii @patzammit @katiew1973

[my-emotional-self]

Dodger’s Vet

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, sick Dodger, Fluff

Summary: Chris meets the new Veterinary in town when Dodger becomes sick.  

A/N: I imagine this happening right after he gets back home from filming The Deep Sea Diving Resort so he has his longer hair and beard!  Oh, and I this idea just popped into my head. Should I continue and do a couple more parts?

You walked into the clinic early Tuesday morning, turning on all the lights.  Smiling, you looked around at your facility, delighted at what you saw.  It had been a long time coming, but you finally graduated from school and you were officially a Veterinarian.  Not only that, but with all the hard work you put yourself through, you managed to open your own clinic in a small town just outside of Boston.  

Boston is where you were from, but you wanted to move just outside of the large city and into a smaller community.  Your grandparents, bless their souls, gave you your inheritance early because they saw how determined you were and they didn’t want you to drown in bills.  

Luckily they were very wealthy, putting into the right stocks; that’s what you get when your grandpa worked on Wall Street his whole life.  Because of your early inheritance, you were able to pay off your loans from school, buy yourself a quaint little house, and also open up your own Veterinarian Clinic.  To say life was great would be an understatement.  

It had been a little over six months since you had moved to Sudbury, and just about three months since you had opened up your clinic.  You were nervous to say the least, unsure if your clinic would be a hit or miss in this small town.  But you did your research and saw that the closest Vet Clinic around was nearly 15 miles away.  

One of the things you prided yourself on is that three days a week, you were on call after hours for emergencies just in case.  

Because your clinic had been a big success so far, you were able to hire on two other Veterinarians, one a specialty in exotic animals also, and six Veterinarian Assistance.  To make things even better, your clinic was only a mile down the road, making it easier to head home during lunch breaks and feed your own brood of animals.  

Currently you had three dogs and two cats; all of them rescued or saved.  Two of your dogs you saved because people came in for emergencies and couldn’t afford the services.  They ended up leaving the clinic, and the dogs and you gladly worked on them and took them home.  They were both Corgis, both brothers and they had gotten into some poison at the house. Luckily you were able to save them, but it was very touch and go.  Your other dog was a Great Dane named Petunia; you found it funny how you named her such a delicate name for a big dog but she was your baby.  Your cats were also brothers and you named them Tom and Jerry as they were both rambunctious little buggers.  

Heading into your office, you looked over your list of patients for the day and smiled when you saw Dodger was coming in for a check-up and his shots.  He was such a good boy and his fur was so soft; he was by far one of your favorite patients to date.  

~~~

The day went by fairly quickly and before you knew it, there was a knock on your door.  One of the assistance poked her head through, letting you know that Dodger was in exam room three and ready for you.  

With a smile, you got up from your chair in your office and made your way down the hall.  When you got to the exam room, you gave a quick knock to let them know you were there.  

Upon opening the room, Dodger got up from his spot on the floor, tail wagging excitedly as he raced over to meet you.  

“Hi there Dodger! Yes, it’s so good to see you too,” you cooed as you knelt down, letting the happy dog give you kisses.  “Hello Lisa.  It’s good to see you too.”

Lisa chuckled at the dog attacking you with kisses.  “It’s good to see you too Dr. Y/L/N.”

“Oh please, call me Y/N. Dodger and  I are on a first name basis now so I’m hoping we can do that too,” you said with a smile, looking at the woman sitting in the chair.  She gave you a nod and a smile back.  “Alright, so just a check-up and a few shots today for Dodger is that right?”

“Yeah.  He’s got his last round of shots I believe and then he will be all caught up.”

Walking over to the wall, you pushed a button and the large metal table descended to the ground. With the help of Lisa, you got Dodger onto the table and you held him down as it moved back up into place.  

You checked his ears and his breathing, along with a few other normal procedures before grabbing the shots off the counter.  

His tail started wagging when he saw you grabbing the treats from the jar.  You handed them to Lisa as she kept him busy while you administered the shots.  He was always such a good boy, holding still for you.  

“And we are all done. You did good Dodger,” you beamed giving him a scratch behind the ear as his tongue rolled out from his mouth.  

“Thank you so much Y/N. I’m so happy you decided to move here and open a clinic.  Dodger is so relaxed around you and you are nice and close to home,” Lisa gushed with a smile, taking your hand in hers.  

“It’s my pleasure, really.”

“My son should be home in the next few weeks so if Dodger needs to come back for any reason, I’m sure it will be him bringing him here and not me.”

“Well I’ll be sad to miss you but please feel free to stop by and say hi anytime you want.”

~~~

“Just take him into the vet,” Lisa said, speaking to her son over the phone.  

“I honestly don’t know if it’s that serious Ma,” Chris said as he watched Dodger have diarrhea yet again in the backyard of his home.  “On second thought, he’s doing it again.

“Honey, I’m telling you, this new vet in town is amazing.  Dodger loves her.”

Chris sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.  “It’s after hours.  I’d have to wait until tomorrow to even see if I can get an appointment in.”

“Well, what day is it?” Lisa asked.

“Umm,” Chris began to say, not even aware of what day it was as always lost track of time when he came home from filming.  “Thursday. Why?”

“Oh good.  If you are worried about Dodger at any point tonight, know that Dr. Y/L/N is on call for emergencies.  She lives very close by to her clinic so it won’t be a problem.”

“Ma, I don’t want to wake him up,”

“Her,” Lisa cut him off. The vet that sees Dodger is female.”

“Ok then.  I don’t want to wake HER up in the middle of the night if it’s not serious.”

“Well, that’s fine sweetie. But keep an eye on Dodger.  If he suddenly begins to vomit as well, then you really need to take him in.”

Later that night as Chris was getting ready for bed, close to midnight, he heard a weird sound coming from the living room.  Rushing out of his room, he saw Dodger throwing up on the ground.  

“Fuck buddy, what is wrong with you huh?  Did you get into something?”  Chris began to panic, knowing he couldn’t lose Dodger.  

Grabbing his phone, he dialed the number his mom had given him.  On the fourth ring, a groggy sounding voice answered the phone.  

~~~

Groaning at the ringing of your phone, you rolled over in bed and answered it.  “Dr. Y/L/N.”

“Umm, yeah.  Hi.  My name is Chris and I’m the owner of Dodger,” the man on the phone said frantically. Immediately you perked up at Dodger’s name.

“Hello Chris.  Is Dodger alright?” you asked, trying not to sound panicked.  That was the one thing about being a Vet; you got attached to your patients so easily and with Dodger involved, you were beginning to worry.  

“Not really.  Two days ago he began to have diarrhea, so I withheld all food and treats for 24 hours and when I fed him again this morning, well, the diarrhea came back and now he’s throwing up.”  

“Ok Chris.  If you are willing to, I can be at my clinic in five minutes.”

“Yeah,” Chris breathed out, “Yeah I’ll meet you there.  Thank you so much Dr. Y/L/N.”

“It’s not a problem at all Chris.  It’s what I’m here for.”

Five minutes later you pulled up at the front of your clinic and raced to the front door to unlock it. The parking lot was deserted so Chris and Dodger had not shown up yet.  

Walking into your office, you put down your coat and purse before heading out into the main lobby to wait for them.  

It only took a minute before you saw a car pull into the parking lot.  Opening the front door, you saw a man with dark hair that hung just above his ears, and a thick yet trimmed beard, opening the back of his car door.

He picked up Dodger and carried him into the clinic as you held the door open for him.  Your heart dropped at seeing Dodger so lethargic, making you worry even more.  You quickly locked the door behind him.  

“Let’s take him to exam room one,” you said as you began to walk down the hallway.  

Chris placed Dodger on the metal table as you got to work quickly examining him.  You checked his breathing, along with to see if he had a fever. Lifting his top tip, you pressed against his pale gums.  

“Ok, so far I can tell he has a fever and he is severely dehydrated, which is common in dogs who have diarrhea and are vomiting.  I’d like to give him some water via an IV if you are alright with that?” you asked looking at Chris and waiting for his answer.  

He nodded hastily. “Yes.  Yeah I’ll agree to anything as long as he gets better.”  Your heart sunk at his words and you knew right away he was a great doggie dad; wanting to do anything for his boy.  

You got an IV into Dodger as he lay on the table; no energy whatsoever.  Once the water began to flow into his system, you grabbed a syringe and took a vial of blood.  

“I’m going to go back into the lab and check his blood to see if I can find the underlying issue to what’s wrong with him.”

Chris nodded his head as he sat on the chair next to Dodger and petting him.  

It didn’t take more than a few minutes before you came back into the room, removing your gloves from your hands.  “When was the last time Dodger had a bowel movement?”

“Ummm,” Chris began to say, checking his watch, “about twenty minutes ago.  As I was getting my shoes on he went in the house again and I didn’t have time to clean it up.  I just wanted to get him here.”

You gave him a soft smile. “Well I think you did the right thing in bringing him here.  I can tell his breathing is already becoming more steady from the water IV.  But I have a favor to ask you and I completely understand if you don’t want to leave him here.”

Chris’ brows furrowed. “What is it?”

“I think I might know what’s wrong with him, but the absolute 100% way to tell for sure is to get a stool sample.  Preferably one that is not much older than 30 minutes.”

“Oh….Oh,” Chris said in final realization.  

“Like I said Chris. If you don’t want to leave him here with me, I completely understand.  We can always wait until he has another bowel movement.”

Chris jumped up from his chair, checking to make sure he had his keys, wallet and cellphone. “No.  It’s really no problem at all.  I only live a few minutes away and I really just want to get to the bottom of why he’s sick.  I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

You sat down in the chair next to Dodger; not much else you could do at this point until Chris came back with the stool sample.  As you sat with Dodger, your fingers ran through his thick tan fur, smiling lightly at the dog as he looked at you with hopeful eyes.

Almost fifteen minutes later, Dodger perked his head up slightly, his eyes landed on you. “You’ll be ok buddy.  I know you will pull through.  You’re such a strong boy aren’t you?  Yes you are.”  Leaning forward, you let Dodger lick you, giving you kisses, completely unaware that Chris had heard and seen the whole thing.  

“I’ve got it,” Chris said quietly, not wanting to disturb Dodger.  

Getting up from your spot, you thanked him and headed into the lab with the stool sample.  Placing it under the microscope, you let out a sigh as your gut was right.  

Heading back into the room, you felt warmth envelope your body at the sight of Chris and Dodger. You were a good judge of character when it came to owners of pets and you knew Chris took the best care of Dodger that he possibly could.  

He didn’t realize you were standing there so you took a few more moments to admire the sight in front of you.  Chris looked familiar to you, but you just couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Giving up, you made yourself known.

“Just as I thought,” you said, walking into the room, arms folded over your chest.  Chris stood up, concern washing over his face.  “Do you want the good news first, or the good news?”

Chris’ eyes grew wide before finally letting out a sigh, realizing there was only good news to be said.

“I’ll ah, I’ll take the good news first,” he said with a smile; the first smile you had seen of the night; and boy did he look beautiful with a smile.  

“The good news is that I found out what is wrong with him.  He has Giardia.  The other good news is that once his IV is finished, you can take him home.  I’ll give you some antibiotics to start giving him, and you need to start him on a bland diet.  Start with rice and after a couple of days you can add in some cooked chicken.  Feed him that for about a week and then slowly start incorporating his food back into his diet.  He should be as good as new in no time.”

The relief was easily noticeably as Chris relaxed his shoulders; his hand resting on Dodger’s side as he pet his dog.  You walked forward and scratched behind Dodger’s ear.

“Has he been around any other dogs recently?” you asked, looking up at Chris; just noticing now how tall he was compared to your frame.  

“Umm, actually yeah. I took him to the dog park two days ago.”

You nodded, figuring that must have been where he contracted it.  “Giardia is very contagious, especially from other dogs.  In fact, humans can contract it as well.  It’s contracted through feces, or infected water or surfaces from feces.  When you get home tonight, if you aren’t too tired, make sure you clean up all the areas that Dodger has had an accident in the house very well.  We don’t want this moving to you.  I’m also going to give you a special shampoo for Dodger.  It will remove any feces that perhaps maybe stuck into his fur or anywhere on him.”  Chris nodded at your words, ready to do whatever it takes.  

Once Dodger’s IV was finished, you held the door open for Chris as he carried a now sleepy and relaxed Dodger into his car.  After placing him in the backseat, Chris headed back inside to grab the antibiotics and shampoo.  

“How much do I owe you?” Chris asked as he took out his wallet, grabbing his credit card.  

You waved your hands in front of him.  “Please, don’t worry about it Chris.  It’s on the house.”

His hands stilled, looking up at you with shock.  “What? This was considered an emergency. It’s the middle of the night. Please, Dr. Y/L/N, it’s no problem. No matter what the cost is.  Trust me,” he said handing over his credit card.

You smiled at him, gently pushing his hand with the card away from you.  “I can’t possibly charge you when it comes to Dodger.  In any case of emergency, I would have happily helped, especially when it comes to him.  He’s become my best patient,” you said with a smile.  “And please, just like I told your mother, call me Y/N.”

Chris gave you a sad smile and you could tell he was battling with himself over fighting you more, wanting to pay.  

“Are you sure I can’t pay anything?”

You chuckled, shaking your head.  “No. But I will let you pay for his check-up on Monday.  Does that sound fair?”

Chris nodded, giving you another graceful smile.  “It’s less than I was hoping for, but I guess it will have to do.”

After grabbing your purse and coat from your office, you walked Chris to the door.  Shutting off the lights, you locked up and you both headed to your respected cars.

You paused when you got to your door; Chris doing the same at his car as he looked at you.  “You have my number.  Please feel free to call if he worsens at all.”

Chris gave you a nod and a quick smile.  “So I’ll see you on Monday?”

Giving him your own nod and smile, you got into your car and headed back to your quant little house.  

~~~

After Chris got home, he laid Dodger on his dog bed and began to clean the house like a mad man in any and all spots that Dodger had an accident.  

Once he was finished he hopped into bed; his arm leaning over the side to comfort Dodger by petting him.

One thing was for sure, he couldn’t get you out of his mind.  From the minute he saw you, he thought you were so unbelievably beautiful. The way you took care of Dodger also made his heart race in such a desirably way.  He always knew that the woman he was with had to be an animal lover.

And then when you refused to have him pay for your services?  That got his mind reeling.  He couldn’t think of anyone who would refuse payment on an emergency service like this.  In his mind, you seemed like the perfect woman and he couldn’t wait to see you again on Monday.

Tag List: @the-wayward-robot @badassbaker @guera31 @tanelle83 @xjjlex @chrisevansfanfic @mrs-captain-evans @pumbibaby @princess-evans-addict @joannie95 @patzammit @brastrangled @notyourtypicalrose @sfreeborn @esoltis280 @xxloki81xx @poerebel @bornfortherainydays @livslookingforloki @raveviolet @southerngracela

[therainroguefanfiction]

⁂ What You Deserve (Doyoung Kim)

Genre: Dark, Angst, Fluff, Romance ☁

Word Count: 3,421 ☁

Pairing: Reader x Kim Doyoung ☁

World: NCT ☁

WARNING: This fic contains self-harm, attempted suicide and talks about depression. Read at your own risk.

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You’re not sure when it started, or how or why. It felt like it had been with you for most of your life. Maybe it started in high school where you spent every day being bullied and abused by your fellow students. At that time, your only bit of sanity was with your best friend, Johnny, but he had started to pull away from you.

Not on purpose, you knew. He had a dream that he was working hard towards achieving, but… in doing so, you began to fade away. Since you were children, Johnny had always been the anchor that kept you from floating away while also being the one that kept your head above water.

When he moved to Korea, you started to drown and didn’t know how to save yourself.

You had convinced yourself that everyone hated you and that you were only a burden to those around you. Johnny did his best to keep in touch as much as possible, which kept you going for a while. As bad as you never wanted it to end, you knew that it would.

Johnny had achieved his dream, debuting with a group called NCT 127 and they were quickly climbing the latter of popularity. He started to have less and less time for you until, finally, he stopped contacting you altogether. Four months passed without so much as a text saying, ‘hi’.

It had finally happened. Johnny realized that you were just a broken burden and decided to move on with his life. He forgot all about the needy, depressed little Y/N. That’s what you convinced yourself of.

You couldn’t take it anymore – the pain, the self-hate, the torment. It was all too much for you to face alone. With the weight of the world on your shoulders, you made up your mind.

You were going to kill yourself.

When Friday rolled around, your father left for his business trip, unaware of the plans his child had.

A bad storm had rolled in out of nowhere that night. Thunder shook the building as rain violently pounded the Earth. It was like the gods themselves were angry.

It comforted you in a weird way.

You lit a candle, setting it on the bathroom sink so you could see what you were doing. The power had been knocked out after a rather violent gust of wind knocked a palm tree into the power lines. This set everything into motion as the power line sparked, setting the palm tree on fire.

Unaware of the chaos outside, you slipped into the bathtub, your clothes getting heavy as they absorbed the water. Your eyes scanned your forearms, scanning the scars that littered your skin.

Even in the dull lighting, you could see each one perfectly. The old and the new, mingling together. Your finger traced them, hot tears rolling down your cheeks as you remembered each one. Every single scar held a painful memory and you were cursed with remembering each one as clearly as if it had happened yesterday.

Your hand shook as you picked up the razor blade.

This was it. All of your pain and suffering, all of the blood and suffering… it had all lead you to this moment. It was finally going to end. You were finally going to find peace.

So why were you hesitating? Why did you feel fear?

The metal rested against your wrist, making small cuts in your skin since you couldn’t steady your hand. ‘This is for the best’, you tried to convince yourself. ‘When I die, dad won’t have to work so hard to pay for my medical bills. He won’t stress himself over me. He can move on with his life and find the happiness he deserves. I… I have to do this!’

Lightning lit up the darkness as you screamed out, ripping the blade across your skin harder than you ever had before. Blood started to pour from the wound, dropping into the water and turning it an ugly faded red.

You slid down in the tub as the wound started to sting, your body shaking. Whether it was from your sobbing or from the pain, you didn’t know.

BANG BANG BANG.

Your ears faintly picked up the sound of pounding on the front door. Hurried footsteps echoed in the hallway followed by the cries of children. It sounded hazy to you like you were dreaming.

“Open up, there’s a fire in the building!” The banging continued. “We’re coming in!”

You heard the door slam open and several pairs of feet rushed into the apartment.

Everything went black.

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Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

A hoarse groan passed your lips as the insistent beeping disturbed your sleep. Eyes sliding open, you blinked a few times before it focused on the white ceiling above you. ‘Am I… dead?’, you wondered, forcing yourself to sit up.

The room was dark, lit up only by the lights of the heart monitor you were connected to. It was still raining, reduced to a soft pitter-patter against the window. The whiteboard on the wall bore the date, Tuesday.

It was clear that your attempt had failed. You eyed the thick bandage around your wrist. The only thing you could think about was the medical bills your father would have to pay.

‘I can’t even kill myself properly…’

The door creaked open and a woman you didn’t recognize entered the room. Your first instinct was that she was a nurse, but you soon realized that she was wearing a Victorian style dress.

Squinting through the darkness, you noticed something dripping from her hands. It was blood, splattering against the linoleum. All other sounds disappeared except for the dripping.

“Wh-Who are you?” You stuttered out, feeling your body tense. You knew something wasn’t right.

The woman started to laugh, low and vacant of humor. It gradually increased in volume until it filled the room.

You could feel terror taking over you as you scrambled back, your finger repeatedly smashing the nurse call button. The speaker behind the bed beeped as it normally would, but instead of getting a nurse you only heard the laughter coming through the static.

The woman moved closer, her bare feet slapping against the floor. “Selfish child,” she muttered.

You stumbled back off the bed, tripping over the various wires and tubes connected to your body. Hitting the floor hard, you winced as the IV was ripped from your arm. Within seconds, the woman was on top of you, her bloody hands wrapped tight around your throat.

Her eyes were wild and bloodshot. “Selfish child! Selfish child!” She kept repeating the same two words, voice growing louder with each repetition until she was screaming at the top of her lungs. “SELFISH CHILD!”

You couldn’t breathe, struggling to push her off but your hand went through her body like she wasn’t there.

Dots of black started to cloud your vision until you were completely cloaked in darkness.

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You shot up in bed, feeling your body enveloped in a cold sweat. Your hand grabbed your throat as you gasped for breath. Warmth surrounded your body and soft words were spoken into your ear. You couldn’t understand what was being said, but they did their job and slowly you started to calm.

A hand gripped your own and you looked up, meeting eyes with your dad. Almost instantly, you looked away from him, unable to face the tears that clung to his cheeks. You looked to your left, where the warmth was coming from, and you felt your body tense up again.

“J-Johnny?”

Tears welled up in his eyes, but he held them back with a smile, breathing out deeply as he spoke. “Hey… how are you feeling?” His voice was rough, a clear indication that he had been crying.

“Why are you here?” You hadn’t meant for it to sound so rude, but last time you checked, he was in a different country living the life he wanted.

“What a stupid question,” he laughed, ruffling your hair like he always used to do when you were upset. “I came to make sure you were alright.”

You moved your gaze to the white cotton covering your body. There were so many thoughts and emotions rushing through your body that you felt completely overwhelmed. Anger, pain, guilt, confusion… they swirled together in the pit of your stomach.

Johnny knew you were about to start crying, his eyes flicking to the heart monitor as the rate increased. “Are you hungry? The hospital food sucks, and we’re not technically allowed to bring outside food in for patients, but your nurse is a big fan of NCT so I can probably get her to ignore it. There’s a Taco Bell not too far from here, I know it’s your favorite!”

You could only nod, not trusting your voice.

“Stay here, Johnny. I’ll go and get it.” Your dad announced, giving you a soft peck on the cheek before leaving the room. He knew that he couldn’t comfort you, despite how bad he wanted to. That’s why he made the decision that he did. You knew he felt like a failure as a father and you felt overwhelmed by guilt.

Johnny shifted his weight and cleared his throat. “I brought one of the members with me. He’s really smart, reliable and loves white chocolate.” He paused, mentally slapping himself. Surely after attempting suicide, you didn’t care about conversing with someone about chocolate. “He’s right down the hall, I’ll go grab him.”

When he left the room, you lifted your eyes to the whiteboard. It sat in the exact same place as it had in your dream and the date scrawled on was the same – Tuesday.

‘What was that dream?’, you couldn’t help but wonder. Even the rain was the same, gently sliding down the glass. ‘I was trying to make life easier for everyone, but I’m a selfish child?’

Johnny re-entered the room with another boy. The thing that stuck out the most was his rich blue hair. “This is Doyoung, he’s one of our vocalists. Doyoung, this is Y/N, my best friend.”

You winced at the words. Could you even consider yourself still his friend after all this? Must less his best friend. Surely he had found someone more suitable to the title within his new group.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you,” Doyoung spoke politely in accented English, bowing slightly in respect. He was uncomfortable, feeling like he was intruding on something extremely personal, but Johnny had requested that he come along for support, and that was a request that he couldn’t deny.

The rest of the day was spent with the three men trying to make you smile, at the very least, but you just weren’t in the mood. It was strange – you wanted to be left alone but… at the same time, you didn’t want to be alone.

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You were stuck in the hospital for observation for the next week. Both Johnny and Doyoung stayed with you, allowing your dad to get some rest and go to work. On the day of your release, you and Doyoung waited near the front of the hospital while Johnny ran over to the parking garage to get his rental.

You still felt a bit uncomfortable being alone with him since you didn’t know him well, so your eyes were scanning the area to give you something to do. You happened to glance at a painting on the wall and you felt a cold chill run down your back.

Feeling you tense next to him, Doyoung looked at you with worry. “Are you okay?”

You slowly stood up, approaching the painting. It was her, the woman from your dream. Her eyes were bloodshot and hollow like she had died a long time ago. There a small tag on the bottom of the frame with a name etched into it.

“Matilda Palmer…”

“She looks terrifying,” Doyoung commented as he came up beside you.

“She was quite a nice woman, once upon a time.”

You both turned around, seeing an elderly man looking at the photo sadly. His eyes met yours and he frowned.

“She spoke to you, didn’t she?”

A shiver ran through your body and you moved closer to Doyoung, trying to ignore the feeling of eyes on the back of your head. It felt like the painting was burning a hole in your skull and you were too afraid to turn and check on it. Doyoung put his arm around your shoulder, looking at the man skeptically.

“Who… Who is she?” You questioned.

The man folded his hands behind his back, eyes sliding closed. “She haunts this hospital.”

“Haunts?” Doyoung’s grip tightened.

You glanced at him, patting his arm to try and calm him down despite the fact that you felt just as worried. “What happened to her?”

“She went insane after her child killed himself.”

Selfish child, selfish child, SELFISH CHILD!

You threw your hands over your ears as her voice echoed in your head. Having had enough, Doyoung excused himself and all but dragged you to the door of the hospital. Johnny pulled up just as you stepped outside and the pair of you hopped into the backseat.

He looked at you with worry. “What’s wrong?”

“Just a weird man talking about the hospital being haunted…” Doyoung shivered. “Let’s just leave, okay?”

Johnny nodded and took off, tapping the steering wheel lightly. “Y/N? There’s something your dad and I didn’t tell you…”

“What would that be?” You questioned, rubbing your temples. You couldn’t stop thinking about that damned dream.

“We talked it over, and we both agreed that this is the best for you.” He paused, wondering what your reaction would be. “You’re coming back to Korea with us.”

“…Wait, what?!”

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Although you were against the idea at first, you were glad that Johnny had forced you to come to Korea with him. It had been about four months since you moved into a small apartment with him and Doyoung. You expected to be left alone when he was working, but Johnny refused to let you be alone for more than a few minutes and forced you to come along with him. His managers were not happy about this, but it was something he refused to back down on. Doyoung and their leader, Taeyong, also backed him up since they both knew about your situation.

During this time, you had gotten increasingly close to Doyoung, who had made it his personal mission to look after you.

“Hey, are you ready to go?” Doyoung questioned, smiling at you as he entered the apartment.

“Are you sure you won’t get into trouble?”

“Positive!” He gently grabbed your hand, tugging you towards the door. “I only had a photo shoot to do today, and I promised we’d go to the park.”

You sighed in defeat, allowing the male to pull you along. Worrying about ruining their careers constantly plagued your mind, but it didn’t seem to bother them. They always made sure to make time for you.

It was midday in Spring, the sun shining in a sea of fluffy white clouds. It was warm, but not uncomfortably so. He led you to a small patch of grass on the outer edge of the park where you both sat comfortably.

He was feeling nervous, despite having been alone with you many times in the past. “Y/N?”

“Hmm?” You were lying back on the grass, staring up at the clouds.

“Are you happy?” He lightly picked at the grass nervously. “Being here with us, with… me.”

“I’m not sure how to answer that. I feel… fortunate having you guys in my life, but I also feel like I don’t deserve it.”

“Why do you feel that way?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve always felt that way.”

He turned to lie down next to you, propping his head up in his hand. “Do you mind if I ask…”

“Why did I try to kill myself?” You finished, locking eyes with him. He nodded. “Truthfully, several reasons. I was tired, mostly, but I thought I was doing everyone a favor. I felt like such a burden to my father…”

Hearing those words broke his heart. His hand slid onto of your own, eyes never leaving yours. He wanted to convey his feelings, but he wasn’t sure how you felt and he didn’t want to make you feel burdened. “Do you still feel that way?”

“Sometimes. More than anything, I feel guilty.” You paused for a moment. “Do you remember that painting at the Hospital?”

“How could I forget? It was so creepy,” he shivered, “And what was with that guy?”

“He was right. I did see her.”

His brow furrowed.

“It was in a dream, but I saw her. She kept repeating ‘selfish child’. I didn’t know what it meant until that man explained what happened to her.” You sighed, lacing your fingers with his. “I looked her up online. She only appears to those that have attempted suicide. Her son was depressed and had been hospitalized many times throughout his life for trying to kill himself. Finally, he succeeded… his mother was a wreck and, eventually, she went insane and stabbed the nurse that was looking after her. She was locked away in a padded cell and passed away three days later.”

“I see… that’s a shame.”

“At first, I thought she was just a vengeful spirit, angry about what her son had done, but… she’s trying to stop others from making the same mistakes that her son had.”

“I think… when you kill yourself, you also kill those around you.” He whispered, moving closer so that he could rest his head on your shoulder. His hand held yours against his chest. “Depression makes you think that others are better off without you, but that’s not the case. I was there when Johnny got the call. It was like his world had shattered. He dropped the phone and fell to his knees in shock. We were about to go on a variety show but he broke down and had to stay backstage.”

You felt tears pricking your eyes as you whispered, “I thought he forgot about me…”

Doyoung shook his head, lifting it so he could smile at you. “Never. He was always telling us stories about things you both did when you were growing up. He felt so guilty when he stopped having time to talk to you, but we were all swamped with our schedules… Even having you here, he’s constantly worrying about you. I do, too…”

“Doyoung…”

“You said you don’t deserve to be happy… I believe everything happens for a reason. Your attempt lead you to me, and I’m determined to show you that you do deserve to be happy. You’re not a burden, you’re a beautiful human being who deserves the world.” He pulled his hand away to rest it on your cheek as he hovered above you. “There’s only one of you in this world, Y/N. And I… I love you.”

Your eyes searched his, looking for any sign of deceit but there was none. You only found sincerity, warmth and, most importantly, love. Your heart was racing in your rib cage.

“You don’t have to feel the same… I wasn’t planning on confessing.” He laughed awkwardly. “Even if you don’t feel the same, I want to remain friends. I know things are probably awkward now but I just felt like I should – ”

“Doyoung,”

“Yes?”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

With a smile, he didn’t hesitate to press his lips against yours. For the first time in your life, you wanted to keep living. You finally found the will to fight against the darkness.

He pulled away and you smiled brightly, feeling tears welling up in your eyes again. He wiped away your tears.

“I… I want to live.”

The smile that overtook Doyoung’s face was as bright as the sun. His eyes watered as he threw his arms around you, holding your body tight to his own. Four simple words, but it was enough for both of you.

You were tired of being a victim, enslaved by the darkness of depression. You were tired of feeling like a burden and wanting to die. You wanted to fight, to overcome it and, for the first time in your life, you felt confident that you could.

With Doyoung by your side, you were free to start again.

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📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

[pbandjesse]

A few months back James told me that he noticed that Saturdays are consistently hard on me. That I will be generally all right all week, but on saturdays I fall apart. I laughed it off at the time. But then quarantine happened and my body didnt know what to do with that and I would have lots of very bad days. But this week I fell hard back into my sad saturday schedule. 

I slept okay last night. I forgot to turn off my alarm so I was briefly awake at 645. But I fell asleep quickly and woke up at 9 feeling pretty alright.  But I started to feel very defeated really quickly. 

I got washed and dressed but I was just not feeling great. It is to hot. And while having the AC on helps, I hate knowing its making our bill go up and it just feels wasteful. I dont know. But I tried to put on eye liner and feel good. But I felt weird in that makeup, Ive gotten really used to just mascara again so I may phase out eye liner for the summer for the most part. Dont hold me to that. But its how I felt today. 

I sat with James in the dungeon and played animal crossing. Read on my phone. Enjoyed James's company. He wanted me to eat breakfast but I didnt want to. I did end up having cheese puffs and a soda. Which was nice. 

We had a nice morning just chilling. We ordered chipotle. And went to pick that up. We were also going to get me and Jess's pottery but they were closed for the stupid pretend holiday. Whatever. Ill try again tomorrow. 

We got home and this was the best chipotle I have had in a while. Nothing was messed up. Excellent. And we did turn on the ac in the living room. It was nice. 

I spent a lot of time playing animal crossing and watching historical fashion videos. James did his trivia stuff. We talked and it was nice. But I was starting to get really tired. 

I told James I would drive him to work. He was feeling a little down and tired. So I was like. This will be helpful and good. But I was very tired. And then at 230 as were getting ready to go I see him taking the living room charger. I have a charger for our phones in every room. So we dont have to go looking for them all the time. But he keeps taking them! And moving them! And not putting them back! And it upsets me. But for some reason this caused me to have a complete stupid meltdown. 

I was crying for a while. James just held me. He found his actual charger and apologized but I wasnt even really crying because of that. I was just so tired. Emotionally, physically. Everything. I just want things to be normal but I am also terrified all the time that people are pretending things are normal. Its exhausting to feel like this all the time. 

But because I was so upset James drove himself. And then I felt guilty about that. But he told me to rest. 

So I laid in the living room. But I felt uneasy. The firework sounds have gotten worse. And now its like the regular people celebrating fireworks and yelling outside. And its all very unsetting and has me on edge. I wandered around the apartment organizing for a little.  I changed the fish tank water. I fed the animals. But then I laid back down. I did a bunch of fishing in animal crossing. I had the rest of my chipotle. I felt a little sick honestly. 

I took a bath, I washed my hair. I cut three inches off my hair. Got all the dead ends off of there. And now I am just chilling. I hope James comes home soon. I am very tired. 

Tomorrow I am supposed to go hiking with Tati and Maya. I hope it goes well. I hope you all have a good day. Take care of eachother. 

[breanime]

In Sickness

Requests: can you write Billy being sick and the reader (trying) to take  care of him because obviously he is a real ass when he’s sick and he doesn’t want her to see her like (because he feels like shit) but in the end he’s all sleepy and he strangely becomes cuddly and sweet from @delicatelilyflower and Billy Russo showing vulnerability in the form of embarrassment from @suchatinyinfinity

Thanks guys, I hope you enjoy!

*gif not mine*

It had been over 48 hours since you’d heard from Billy, and you were starting to get worried. The last time he’d disappeared for so long had been after a stint overseas with Anvil, and when you finally tracked him down you found that he head been shot…twice. So, you had a reason to be worried.

“Ah, Y/N,” Frank sighed on the other end of the phone, “you know how Bill is. When he’s down, he likes to be alone. He doesn’t want to trouble you.”

“So he is hurt?” You grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder. “What happened? And don’t lie to me, Frankie, I don’t have the patience.”

You heard Frank chuckle on the other end of the phone. “I would never. Maybe just drop by his place and see for yourself.”

Typical Frank—but his advice was decent, so you headed over to Billy’s penthouse. You had been friends with Frank and Billy since their Marine days. There was something lingering between you and Billy, some kind of unspoken thing that you both were well aware of. You wouldn’t go so far as to say the two of you were an item, but you did sleep together, and Billy did take you out on dates, but… You weren’t dating. Still, he was your emergency contact on all of your official paperwork, and you had a key to his place—which you used now.

“Billy?” You called out, closing the door behind you. His coat was laying on the couch haphazardly, as if he had thrown it off in a hurry—something he rarely ever did. There was a blanket on the floor, and a half-empty water bottle on the table. “Billy? It’s me,” you peeked into the kitchen and sighed. It was in a state of disarray that only meant Billy wasn’t his usual self. A cabinet was open, revealing a lack of groceries, and there was an uneaten bowl of chicken noodle soup on the kitchen table. You checked for any signs of blood or bandages as you made your way to Billy’s room and found none. Your mind brought of images of broken bones, cuts and bruises as you turned the corner. What you saw was….

…Billy curled up in bed like a koala surrounded by boxes of tissue, water bottles, and take-out boxes. He sat up when he saw you, and you couldn’t help the little “oh” that came out of your mouth at the sight of him. His dark hair was mushed and standing up at all angles, and his eyes were low and watery. He was wearing a zip-up hoodie with no shirt underneath, and as you got closer, you could see that his cheeks were flushed, and he was shivering.

“Y/N?” His voice was rough, and he cleared his throat. “What’re you doing here?”

“I’ve been calling,” you noticed his phone on the dresser, “You’re sick.”

Billy scoffed as he struggled to sit up. “”M fine,” his New York accent was thicker than usual, and you could tell his nose was stuffed up, “Didn’t hear my phone go off.”

“That’s cause it’s all the way over here,” you picked his phone up and waved it at him before putting it back, “How long have you been sick?”

“”M not,” he huffed, pulling his hoodie over his chest, “’M just…” He coughed into his forearm, “”M just a little off. It’s fine.” His eyes narrowed as he watched you strip your jacket off. “What’re you doing?”

“That depends, where do you want me to start?” You asked, laying your jacket on the back of a chair. “Cleaning up or getting you some medicine? Have you been to the doctor yet?”

“I don’t need a doctor, I can take care of myself.” You could tell he was breathing out of his mouth, not his nose. “I don’t need you here.”

“Clearly,” you deadpanned, “What with the stuffy nose, shakes, and assumed fever, you’re a picture of independence.” You thought back on what his living room looked like. “You catch something at work?”

“Couple of the guys came down with a fever after a mission,” he answered, “I gave ‘em time off, but they wouldn’t take it.” He sniffled again. “It’s possible I might have caught something from them.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes and instead went over to Billy to feel his forehead. He flinched when you put your hand out. “Don’t be a baby,” you clicked your tongue when you felt the heat of his skin, “Where do you keep your thermometer?”

“Don’t have one.” Billy pushed your hand away and fell back against the pillow. “Been feelin’ like this for two days,” he coughed again, “it’s almost done. Gimme another day an’ I’ll be fine.”

“Not gonna happen, soldier,” you were already moving around his room, straightening up, “If you won’t go to a doctor, I’ll take care of you myself. When was the last time you had something to eat?”

“Fuck off, Y/N.”

Now you did roll your eyes. Billy would have to try harder if he wanted to scare you away. “Fuck you, Russo. Now answer the question.”

He huffed, but answered you nonetheless. “Tried to eat last night,” he sniffled, “I have soup in the kitchen.”

“Yeah,” you piled another blanket on Billy’s bed, “You have that terrible canned stuff. I’ll make you some soup.” You dug in your purse and pulled out a couple of Tylenol PMs. “Here,” you watched him dry swallow the medicine and went back to tidying up.

“’M fine,” Billy was slinking back into his bed now, “the canned stuff is good,” he pulled the extra blanket up to his chin, “You can just go home, Y/N.”

“Mm hmm,” you went to the windows and started pulling the blinds down.

“I don’t need anyone takin’ care of me,” Billy was turning to lay on his side, and his words were muffled by the pillow, “’specially not you.”

“Right,” you turned the ceiling fan on low and let its soft hum lull Billy to sleep. It didn’t take long, he mumbled something that sounded like “leave me alone” before he dissolved into soft snores and the occasional cough.

You made your way into the kitchen and took a look around. It was sparse, but there were just enough ingredients for you to whip up a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup. You contemplated running to the store for more supplies, but you weren’t comfortable leaving Billy to his own devices—unconscious or not. So, you put in an order for a grocery delivery and went back to cleaning. Frank texted asking for an update and you replied: He’s being a little bitch, so I’m making him soup. Frank sent you back a laughing emoji, and you chuckled as you put your phone in your back pocket. You checked the soup and sat down at the table. You weren’t sure what kind of mood Billy would be in when he woke up, but you wouldn’t let him scare you off.

Billy didn’t wake up for another three hours. You ended up dozing on the couch and woke up to a warm hand gently brushing your cheek. You opened your eyes to see Billy, wrapped in the blanket you’d put on him, staring down at you.

His eyes still looked a little blurry and his nose was red, but he wasn’t shaking anymore. “You’re still here.” He said, his voice soft in the open room.

“Well yeah,” you sat up and rubbed your eyes, “I made you soup and got some groceries—what are you doing in here?” You didn’t wait for him to respond before you hustled him off the couch and back into bed. His forehead was still warm when you touched it. “I’m gonna heat the soup up and grab you some tea, I want you to eat as much as you can, and oh,” you grabbed a bottle from where you’d placed it on his dresser earlier and poured some thick, red liquid into a cup, “drink this.”

“What is this?” He asked, picking up the container and squinting at the label.

“Medicine,” you pulled out a food tray (a gift you got him a few months ago that was mostly for you) and placed it on his lap, “I want to see that cup empty by the time I get back.”

Billy—for once—didn’t say anything back, so you went and prepared his soup. You added honey to the tea and brought him an extra bottle of water as well. The cup was empty when you got back, and Billy was fussing with the bedsheets.

“Now before you start,” you placed the soup and tea on his tray, “this was my grandmother’s recipe so it’s really good, and the tea is that good shit, not that brown water crap Frank is always trying to feed us.”

Billy made a choking sound that you took for laughter. He cleared his throat and moved some pillow out of the way. “Wanna sit?”

Your eyebrows shot up, but you didn’t question the invitation. You slipped under the covers next to Billy, feeling just a tad bit giddy.

He lifted the spoon to his lips and paused. He turned to you. “Want a taste?”

You giggled and leaned forward, sipping the warm broth. You grinned as you sat back. “Trying to test for poison?” You joked.

Billy sighed, putting his spoon down. “I deserve that. Look, Y/N, ‘m sorry I was bein’ a dick, I…” He looked away from you. “”M not used to people takin’ care of me.”

“Aw,” you ran your fingers through Billy’s messy hair, “you don’t have to apologize, I get it. And I’m happy to help, Billy.” You watched him try the soup. His eyes closed and your grin widened. “Good?”

“Mm,” he nodded, “Shit. This is really good, Y/N.” You felt a spark of glee go through you at the compliment and leaned in closer to Billy. The two of you sat in bed together, as Billy slowly ate his food and drank his tea, watching horrible reality TV and arguing over which one of you Curtis liked best. Billy ate most of the soup and drank all of his tea, and he tried to help you clean up afterward—but you wouldn’t let him. You put the dishes in the dishwasher and came back to see Billy lying down with the covers wrapped around him. He looked adorable.

You climbed into bed with him and caressed his forehead. “Do you need anything?” You asked, voice low.

He looked up at you, eyelashes fluttering against his sleepy, dark eyes. “Can…” He sniffled, and you almost melted. “…Can you hold me?”

You thought your cheeks would burst with how big you smiled. “C’mere, baby.”

You wrapped your arms around Billy, pulling his warm head to your chest and running your fingers through his hair just the way he liked. He put his arms around your waist and sighed happily. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

“I want you to stay,” he went on, sniffling, “an’ I want to take care of you next…I want to take care of you forever.”

You chuckled. “You’re delirious, babe.”

“I’m serious,” he looked up at you with an honest to God pout on his face, “You… I want you…You’re my…” He groaned, snuggling in closer to you. “”M too tired, you know what I mean.”

You did know what he meant, and it made you feel another wave of sweet warmth go through you. “Mm hmm,” you agreed, running a hand down his back, “me too, baby.”

“Mm,” he closed his eyes, “I like when you call me baby… Let���s take a nap, baby.”

“Okay,” you kissed the top of his head and he sighed happily, “sweet dreams, baby.”

Billy dozed off in your arms, and while you weren’t necessarily happy that he wasn’t feeling well, you had to admit; holding him like that, taking care of him, and hearing his soft, unsure utterances just felt right…

…even if you woke up with a cold the next morning. 

*******************************************************************************

I still have a few requests in my ask box and some ideas I wanna do, so feel free to request still but it might take a while. Also, if you want to be added to my taglist, just let me know.

Thanks for reading!

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[lovehugsandcandy]

 The Times I Tried to Love You (RoD)

A/N: RoDAW is amazing. This week is amazing. I can’t believe all of the fantastic content that was made and I love you all so much—you inspire me!

Pairing: Gen, Kaneko-focused

Length: 1840 words

Rating: PG-13 (Canon-compliant character death, swearing)

Summary: Kaneko knows that love is a verb, not a noun.

i.

“Again.”

“Daaaad.” Colt was shivering, his tiny body shaking in the breeze. He had long lost his baby fat but had yet to grow into himself, still gangly-limbed, with knees that knocked together as he shifted his weight from side-to-side. His lips were starting to turn blue, but he would be fine; his body could handle one more jump.

“Again.”

“Come on Dad, it’s too dark.” He wasn’t yet old enough to be rid of childhood fears; though he never spoke about it, Teppei saw the way that his eyes peered out, into the trees, the water, still wary. These fears would only hold him back.

“Don’t make me repeat it.”

Colt’s eyes darkened and he opened his mouth, impertinent remark on the tip of his tongue before he thought better of it, begrudgingly turning to the cliff. He shot one last look back and for a moment, Teppei thought he could see his own darkness shining through the eyes of his son. Then, Colt was off, sprinting and then flying through the air.

One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Four-and a splash.

He didn’t even scream that time. Good. 

Teppei waited, lighting another cigar as he watched the moon crawl up the night sky.

Colt would need this. He would need to learn to conquer his fears, be silent in the face of danger, crush any and all weakness before it became a life-threatening flaw that could end him.

He would understand someday.

Finally, Colt emerged from the cliff, the sea dripping from his hair, palms rubbing harsh warmth into his arms. Teppei watched his son, his heir, as he stubbed out the last of his cigar, watched his small body trudge across the grass, exhausted and worn. Colt looked up at him when he got closer, the flame in his eyes growing brighter. Good.

“Again.”

ii.

Teppei shut the door to the office; it wasn’t enough to completely muffle the noise from the repair work going on outside, but it was something.

The crew knew that he liked to take lunch alone in his office. It had been something of a ritual the last few months, slowly becoming an established habit that no one dared break. He sat at his desk, sipping his green tea, and waited.

He didn’t need to wait long. 11:55 am. Five minutes early. The phone lit up milliseconds before it rang, sharp light and shrill noise loud in the office. Teppei waited. Another sip. Another ring. A third. A fourth.

He thought, while he waited. Wondered idly why the call came early today; was the traffic lighter than normal, making the 3.4 mile drive from the high school to his home faster? Was he still at school, calling before heading to yet another detention after yet another fist fight? Had he played hooky and was calling from the road, motorcycle heading west before his mother caught on?

He could still hear that day unfolding, 82 days ago, could hear echoes of the slam of the door, the screaming. He heard it when he slept, when he was awake. “I fucking hate you.”

Teppei blinked as the voicemail alert sounded and grabbed his phone with a tired sigh. Rubbing his eyes, he pressed the button. 

“You have one new message. You have 80 saved messages.”

Teppei shut his eyes.

“You fucking prick, pick up the phone.” It was quiet in the background. Colt must be at home. His mother would still be at work so he would have the run of the house. “I wanna come back to LA. I fucking hate it here and-”

Teppei had to take a deep breath as Colt’s voice caught. The messages when he was alone were always the worst, anger and hatred and hurt spilling violently over the phone line.

“I fucking hate it here and I’m coming back and I don’t give a shit about anything you have to say about it.”

A door slammed. He was probably in his room now; Teppei could picture him flopping on his bed, phone clutched in a death-grip as he cursed through the snarl on his face.

“Will you just pick up the phone?”

Teppei waited. The pause was longer this time, Colt fuming, thousands of miles away.

“I fucking hate you.”

iii.

Teppei raised an eyebrow. It had been a long time since someone tried to intimidate him. “Absolutely not.”

“I think we can come to an agreement.”

“We are not your puppets. I said no.”

He turned to go, to get out of this alley, away from this demon, but a bitter laugh stopped him. “I think you’ll be singing a different tune when you see this, old man.”

Teppei looked over his shoulder; the man had a piece of paper dangling from two fingers, waving it teasingly in an outstretched hand. It was a photograph, a small picture, and Teppei’s breath caught. Was that…?

He stepped closer, eyes narrowing, squinting to see. It was taken from across a busy street, lens pointing into a coffee shop, the photo’s subject oblivious to the intrusion on his privacy. He understood the implication immediately.

He almost reached for it, hungry to see how he had grown in two years. Even in the dark, he could tell Colt’s shoulders were broader, hunched over a textbook. Were those dark circles under his eyes or just shadows, tricks of the light?

Teppei swallowed, jaw tensing, as the man stuffed the photo back into his pocket. “You think we can’t get to him?” He leered, breath sour in Teppei’s face, bill of the Badgers hat casting his eyes in darkness. “You think moving him across the country was enough to keep us away, to keep him safe? Newsflash, friend: he’s not safe anywhere.”

Teppei stared, unflinching. He was a man of calculations, of odds. The calculations here were not in his favor. The Brotherhood knew how to manipulate the situation by targeting the one thing he would defy any odds to protect, to save.

“One job. Just one.”

The man smiled, clapping Teppei’s shoulder with a meaty hand. “That’s all we ask.”

iv.

The door opened suddenly but Teppei didn’t move, didn’t look up. He knew Colt was here, had heard the “where’s the old man?” amid the normal jawing and scuffle of the teenagers in the shop.

He didn’t look up when Colt shut the door behind him, eyes focused on the paper in front of him. He could hear the chair legs squeak as Colt sat and then had to stifle a snarl as Colt dropped his feet on the table, right on top the ledger he was looking at. 

Finally, Teppei raised his eyes, taking in his boy, now a man, broad-shouldered and long-limbed. “What are you doing in LA?” More importantly, when was he leaving?

“Hello to you too, Pop.” Colt reclined in the chair, balancing it on two legs, hands folded behind his head. “Great to see you, really. Glad to see your crew is still bumbling along.”

“What are you doing in LA?”

Colt dropped the chair, sliding his legs to the floor, elbows on his knees. “I’m back.”

“You are in college.”

“It’s Spring Break, I wanted a vacation.”

“Then go to Hawaii.”

“Fuck you.” Colt’s eyes were blazing, the set of his mouth stern. “I’m not leaving. So you can let me back in the crew or I can just camp out here, in the shop.”

“Absolutely not. This is not for you. You’re going back to your mother.”

“Fuck you, I’m not.” He raised his chin. “You can’t boss me around anymore, old man.”

Teppei sighed. Colt was right. He was no longer a minor; he couldn’t just shove him in a car and send him away.

Not to mention, there had already been one threat to his life. If he were in LA, he was in even more danger. 

Maybe it would be better to keep him close.

“Here’s the deal.” Teppei paused as Colt cocked his head, listening. “You can help out in the shop for your break. Answer the phone. Minor repairs. That is it.”

“But…”

“That’s it. You will do nothing else.” Teppei stared at him, hard. He had faced tougher men than Colt Kaneko before; unlike those men, Colt stared right back, unflinching.

Apparently, Colt had a good amount of his father in him after all.

Teppei stood and Colt narrowed his eyes at him. “I’m not weak. I deserve a place here, in the crew.”

“I decide that.” With one last glare, Teppei opened the door to the office. “Ahem.” He stepped around Toby, ignoring the futile excuse for eavesdropping, to enter the shop floor, Colt’s petulantly stomping behind him.

“Have a safe ride back to college, buddy.”

Colt glared at Logan, shoulders raised, the two children squaring off. “Guess again. Not getting rid of me that easily.” 

Logan’s eyes were incredulous. “He’s sticking around?”

“Colt will help me out at the auto shop over his spring break.” Teppei narrowed his eyes at his son, ice in his voice, then surveyed the crew. “He won’t be involved in anything else. Are we understood?”

Teppei’s eyes cut to his son, his hands balled into fists, arms clenched at his sides. This was a mistake.

“Understood…boss.”

v.

He knew, as soon as he saw the lights flickering at the end of the bridge, he knew how this would end. There was only one way it could end, really; since that fateful day 19 years ago, this ending was predetermined.

The LA River wasn’t wide, but it was wide enough, enough to gather the speed he needed. Kaneko pushed his foot down, pedal to the floor.

“Pop, what are you doing? They have the whole thing closed off!”

It wasn’t wide enough to say the things he needed to say, but it would have to do.

“I told you I couldn’t break free of The Brotherhood alone…but this? This I can do alone.” The Aylesbury picked up speed; he had always loved how this car could fly. Time for one last flight. “I was so obsessed with fighting for my own freedom that I jeopardized yours.”

He could hear the crew, vaguely, but was focused on one voice. “Pop, no! Come back!”

“Promise me one thing, son. You’ll get out of here. You’ll leave this life behind for good.” He tried to picture him, his son, when he was young, as he grew, the moments he remembered and the moments he missed. “You can be anything… Be more than this.”

He unscrewed the NOS, the last thing he could do for his crew. “Stay back. All of you.”

“Pop…please…you can’t leave me.” He could hear the tremor in his son’s voice. His heart ached at the pain but he would rather have his son hurt and free than bound in chains.

“Go, Colt. Go and don’t look back.”

There was always only one way this was ever going to end.

He closed his eyes.

Tags (I am the worst at tags. This is my RoD tag list. LMK if you want me to move you to another):  @deimosensblog @alegria1580  @choicesarehard @thefarrari @client-327 @moonlit-girl-wonder @going-down-downtown@soniadotalves@jolietmaraud @hazah@flowerpowell@poeticscolt@brightpinkpeppercorn @zaira-oh-zaira@desiree-0816 @leelee10898 @maxwellsquidsuit @liamzigmichael4ever @octobereighth​ @omgjasminesimone​

[moveslikejaggeria]

life kinda sucks lately and i cant tell why.

i mean im lonely. im always lonely. always have been lonely. just something ive kinda accepted. but this is a new brand of lonely. a new flavor. well, not new. rare, i guess. just utter loneliness. like it really is just me. and everyone else is over there. and no matter how much i walk towards everyone else, they seem to move further and further away. its a game i can never win. i can shout and sometimes they shout back,,, but sometimes they cant hear me. its not their fault, theyre just far away. maybe theres a lake or a river or even an ocean in between us and theyre like “sorry, we dont wanna get our feet wet. hope youre not offended” and i try not to, but i think about how much i wish they would just cross. for me maybe.

sometimes i think about would i do it for someone else. i try to. i listen and i love (as much as i can). i wish i could do more.

i think about death a lot. or more about what comes after. i think about all the stuff i’d miss. like the tickets to the stupid haunted house that i bought (i bought 2 just in case i found someone to go with me. i bought 2 tickets to a concert last year thinking the same thing. i still have the other ticket on my phone bc it never got scanned. at least its like a momento or something). all the games i havent played yet, all the stuff i havent learned about yet.

if i died right now, they probably wouldnt find me for a while, i dont think. theyd fire me from work eventually because i stopped showing up, bills would still get pulled and paid for, the credit card debt piling up on itself. i could lay in this bathtub for god knows how long before someone would notice.

who am i supposed to call when i feel like this. my mom? my friends? my family? the loneliness cuts so deep it hurts. sometimes i cant breathe and it stings when i think about it. when i think about the uncertainty about who to put down as an emergency contact. “hey they stopped going to therapy” “hey they stopped showing up to work” “hey this bill still needs to get paid!!!!”

i dont mind work. i dont mind the busyness and almost uselessness about it. it gives me a purpose, no matter how small or busy or useless. even thought the loneliness is there too. like you wonder how many people would care if you just disappeared forever. how many would still think about you. is that a selfish thought? im not sure. and then there’s just the in-circles. the in-jokes and the talking that you’re just out of reach of.

i think the hardest part about imagining death (and whatever comes after) is eliza. she has no food in her bowl. she’d cry and cry and maybe eventually eat my corpse and when that was gone or no good she’d keep crying and maybe break into other food in the kitchen. and after that was gone she’d keep crying and the noise complaints would keep piling and piling on top of each other and maybe—just maybe—management would open the door to get the cat and see me there. in the bathtub. and theyd think “shit. that’s not good”.

i would feel selfish. id want her to have enough food. and water. maybe just leave the facet running. mom would get the water bill in the month and wonder “why is this so high” and maybe she’d call and maybe she wouldnt. maybe she’d keep trying to call and would get worried. maybe she wouldn’t think anything of it at all. its weird of moving from a point of “i dont want to die, i want to pet eliza again just one more time forever” to “i shouldnt die bc then who would be there for eliza”.

sometimes a death isnt physical, i dont think. sometimes a death is…pulling away. accepting the ocean between you and everyone and not screaming anymore. sometimes a death is no longer trying. giving up. sometimes a death is acknowledging that maybe it doesnt get better. sometimes a death is just thinking about it. sometimes a death is sobbing and hugging yourself in the bathtub, begging yourself not to do it and that “i love you so much. please live for me. please”

[halfway-happyyy]

Unbroken

Anonymous request:  Can you write a medium length thing where y/n has a bad accident and breaks her leg and seriously injurs her back. Then Bill is looking after her and has to help her do embarrasing things like shower and toilet (Bill hasn’t seen y/n naked before kind of awkward cuteness).

Warnings: Car accident? Drunk driving? Tried to be as accurate as possible so here goes! Hope you enjoy 💙

A blinding light.

A few milliseconds of searing pain, ripping metal, shattering glass.

Then, darkness.

When you awaken again, it is to immense pain; the agony is so intense that it almost carries with it a sound. The pain is deafening. There is an IV protruding grotesquely from your inner arm. You are stark naked and horribly battered beneath a blue, paper-like hospital gown. Your fingers find purchase in someone’s much larger hand and that someone happens to be Bill. Who, by the way, is currently wearing an expression of extreme concern; his glassy green eyes are open wide and searching yours.

“What happened?” Your throat is incredibly dry; the words come out garbled and choked.

Bill shifts uneasily in his chair, mulls what he’s about to say over in his mind and opens his mouth to speak. “You were struck head on by an SUV who was travelling, they say, over 120 kilometers an hour in the wrong lane.” Bill’s face literally drops before he launches into the last part. “When the cops had him blow, he blew three times over the legal alcohol limit.”

The silence settles around you and the urge to chug something icy and cool is overwhelming. Bill catches onto this and squeezes your hand gently. “You need some water. I’ll be right back.”

It’s only when you’re alone that you have a small chance to survey the damage done to your body. Beneath your gown, your left leg is casted up to the hip. A bandage rests around the circumference of your head. Apart from a blindingly visceral pain in your lower back, you’re alive.

“I think she needs something for the pain,” Bill’s standing just outside of your room, his silhouette outlined by the lackluster light of the hospital. “She had this expression of intense agony just before she came to.” His voice is hushed but you hear it nonetheless. When he enters the room again, it’s with a large cup of ice water and the nurse. She moves to your side of the bed, lifts the sleeve of your gown up your bicep and administers a shot of morphine. Instantly, the pain dulls. He resumes his position beside your bed, his hand closed tight around yours.

“What’s the damage?”

It’s quiet and Bill has to bend his head forward to hear you. He sighs heavily and scrubs a palm over the length of his face. “Your uh… your leg was pretty much pulverized on impact. The doctors wanted to operate as soon as they could to try and fix it up for you.” His beautiful green eyes are downcast but his hand squeezes reassuringly around yours. He clears his throat to ready himself for the next round of news. “They’re talking a little bit about a possible spinal fracture and the bandage around your head is there because you received a few cuts.” You close your eyes and despite your best efforts not to cry, you can’t stop. Bill instinctively reaches forward and brushes away the tears from your cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “Please don’t cry, love.” His voice is just above a whisper. “I’m not leaving your side until we’ve got the okay to go home.”

Life has a funny way of keeping you on your toes. Four months ago, almost to the day, you attended a wrap party for a film in which Bill was involved. He had made a comment during your conversation about the devastating lack of good Swedish food in America. Naturally, you took this as a challenge and invited him back to your flat for meatballs and lingonberry jam. The rest was history; you spent the last two weeks after that wrap party, nose to nose in your bed. You learned about him there; studied the subtle golden flecks in his eyes among the sea of green, traced gentle fingertips over scars and red, full lips. He spoke to you at length about Sweden and his family there. You especially liked the way a smile would bloom across his face when he spoke of childhood memories. Life has a funny way of bringing two people together when they least expect it.

It’s an incredibly slow and painful process but after a week and a half in intensive care, you’re being discharged from the hospital. Bill had offered to dress you three times prior to the actual discharge but you were having none of that, and asked him to leave the room while the nurse tended to you. Things were about to become arduous; you and Bill needed to look at hiring a live-in caretaker. At least for the next four weeks while your leg and back healed. You figured that the best time to have this particular conversation was in the car on the way home. “Why can’t we just see how I do?” The question hangs in the air between you both and you cast into the ether for a proper answer. “I mean I work on movie sets for a living yes, I’ll give you that, but there is something to be said for how much I care about you. For about how much I want you to get better and about how much I want to be the one to help you do that.”

His gaze travels from the road back to you, gauging your reaction. The only thing you can do, because your pain medication is wearing off incredibly fast, is sigh and nod your head. “Okay, Bill.”

Everything is exactly the same as it was when you left the house the evening of your accident; possibly even a little bit tidier. Bill throws the car keys into the ditch on the kitchen table, and turns to you. “I took the liberty of picking up a little bit. I wanted everything to be spotless for when you arrived.”

You’re extremely grateful for that fact but it still causes a blush to rise to your cheeks. “Thank you, but you didn’t have to do that.”

Bill shrugs nonchalantly and throws his jacket over the back of a wooden chair. “It was my pleasure. Can I uh…” he glances around your mostly empty kitchen, searching for something. “Grab you anything?”

You shake your head. “A second dosage of pain medication would be ideal… and then maybe a cheeky cuddle and some sleep.”

Bill’s face curves up into a delicate smile and he nods his head. “I’m sure we can arrange that.”

When you come to for the second time that day, it is blue hour in your bedroom. Everything is bathed in a dark blue light and suddenly the urge to pee is overpowering. Bill’s weighted arm is draped over your belly, his lips rest with ease against the nape of your neck. A notion hits you like a freight train and you’re almost worried you’ll be sick for a second; the moment passes and you gently tap the top of Bill’s forearm. He stirs against you, sleepily mumbling, “What is it?”

“I… I have to use the washroom.”

You feel Bill hesitate against you and then suddenly he’s up, and around to your side of the bed. He bends down and scoops you up out of bed which only adds to the horrific awkwardness of the situation as it is. Bill strides with ease down the hallway, kicking the bathroom door open with his foot. He sets you down in front of the toilet and just kind of stands there, unsure of what to do next. “I’m just going to wait outside the door… Holler when you need me.” He’s about to exit the room, but turns on his heel and presses a soft kiss to the center of your forehead. When you’re finished, Bill wordlessly scoops you back into his arms and gently lowers you into the warmth of your bed. He crawls back into the space next to you, resting his forehead against yours.

“None of this is your responsibility Bill.” You whisper into the minimal space between you.

Bill’s face breaks into a small smile, his eyes crinkle subtly at the corners. He traces a fingertip down the bridge of your nose, the round of your cheek, the outline of your lips. “I want it to be.”

Morning arrives slowly, you’re still wrapped up in Bill’s embrace and this time, he’s up before you are. “You’re staring at me,” you murmur sleepily.

Bill shrugs his shoulders. “You’re entirely too breathtaking not to.”

“Even like this?” You whisper.

Bill’s smile fades and he inches closer to you between the sheets. “Always.”

You must have dozed off again because you’re awoken a little while later to the sound of a bath being run. Bill pads over to your side of the bed and again crouched down so that he can scoop you into his arms. “Figured you would have liked a nice, hot bubble bath.”

“What about my leg?” You ask.

“I’ve got a solution for that.” He murmurs, pushing the door open with his foot. Standing next to the white porcelain tub is a stool from the kitchen, perfect height to be able to actually rest your leg out of the tub. “This is… not the way I wanted you to see me naked for the first time.” Your voice teeters on the edge of breaking.

Bill places his hands on the tops of your shoulders, leaning in to whisper something into your ear. “Believe it or not, I plan on staying with you until we’re actually asking each other to not to be naked.” You can’t help but let out a small laugh at this, and you feel Bill smile against the outer shell of your ear. “Lets get you into that bath, baby girl.” He lifts the shirt from your body, dropping it to the floor beneath you. He then hooks his fingers into the waistband of your pajama pants and pulls those down your legs. Bill hesitates at the fabric of your bikini panties and after an inhale of air, pulls those down as well, discarding them with the rest of the pile of clothing. Bill’s long fingers travel down the expanse of your still bruised flesh, pausing every now and then to press his fingertips to his lips, and back to the smattering of bruises covering your body. Once in the bath, Bill produces a pink sponge from the cupboard and sets to work bathing you. He pays close to attention to your clavicle, knows it’s one of the most sensitive areas on your body. You watch him intently; he’s completely and totally focused on you and the notion is intoxicating.

“You will never know how much it meant to me that you dropped literally everything to be with me.”

Bill drops the sponge back into the water, rinsing your chest of the vanilla-scented suds that had accumulated there. “When I uh,” Bill clears his throat. “When I got the call that you had been involved in a serious accident my heart just kind of dropped into my stomach. I’m pretty sure I was having palpitations on the way to the hospital.” Bill’s gaze travels from the sponge in his hand to yours, his eyes watery and wide. “I almost lost you, y/n. And that’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone, ever.” Bill’s voice breaks and he glances away. When he returns his gaze to yours, he’s smiling. “But you made it. And I’m indescribably happy about that.”

You will inevitably recover from this; your bones will heal, your bruises will fade. Your love for Bill will weather every single storm life creates for you. It was written in the stars from the very beginning.

[tsunderrated]

I got tagged by @astolforiderofblack

what was your last…

1. drink; water boys!

2. phone call; i answered a spam call on accident

3. message sent; I think i can do it!

4. song you listened to; i absolutely can not remember this.

5. time you cried; i cry every day cos that’s just how mental illness is

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice; no

7. kissed someone and regretted it; no

8. been cheated on; yah

9. lost someone special; yah

10. been depressed; every day cos that’s just how mental illness is

11. gotten drunk and thrown up; nah

— favourite colours…

12. Blue

13. Pink

14. Yellow

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends; uhhhh. I upgraded an acquaintance to a friend but i dont really think ive made a completely new friend.

16. fallen out of love; absolutely not

17. laughed until you cried; mmmm no? who remembers this for a whole year

18. found out someone was talking about you; no. are they? almost definitely. but i don’t know.

19. met someone who changed you; nah

20. found out who your friends are; been hanging out with like 4 people exclusively if that’s what you mean, as far as irl friends go.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook friends list; yah

— general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know irl; most. there’s a couple i don’t know who i accepted because we had at least 100 mutual friends, but not many. never accepted just a complete and total stranger.

23. do you have any pets; my dog is the most important one in the world

24. do you want to change your name; no, my name is cool

25. what did you do for your last birthday; my family and i went to top golf. this birthday i haven’t decided what i want to do and we’re celebrating in 3 days lol

26. what time did you wake up today; fucking 2:30 ass in the morning. went back to sleep after lunch and i’ll go back to sleep after dinner then i’ll do it fucking again. cool.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night; got damn asleep

28. what’s something you can’t wait for; may/june when i’ve gotten a couple paychecks, have all my bills squared away, and have some fucking disposable income for once.

29. what’s your favourite animal; foxes, red pandas, and dogs

30. what are you listening to rn; it is extremely silent in my room.

31. have you ever talked to a person named Tom; the guy ive been shadowing at work is named tom, also one of my parents’ friends

32. something that’s getting on your nerves; this fucking jobsite i’m on that runs from 2-9 in the morning.

33. most visited website; tumblr almost definitely

34. hair colour; brown

35. long or short; hair? short-medium for a guy. i get it cut pretty short but i also go like 2-3 months without a haircut.

36. do you have a crush on someone; my gf. also i guess i have crushes on some other people but that’s like whatever

37. what do you like about yourself; im hot and talented and a disaster

38. want any piercings; nah

39. blood type; u really think i’m just gonna but my blood type on tumblr.

40. nicknames; meta, that’s about it. my name’s shorter than any nickname that doesn’t sound like baby talk

41. relationship status; in fucking LOVE with my gf

42. Sign; Star Aries Moon Leo Rising Virgo. Star aries is absolutely true and moon leo is generally accurate too but i have never identified less with any horoscope than the rising virgo stuff.

43. pronouns; he/him. idk sometimes i think i’d prefer they/them but idrc that much

44. fave tv show; uhhhh. mbmbam  seeso.

45. tattoos; i have a cicada and an angel right now; i can think of 3 more i know i want a get and a few more ideas i have w/o placement or places i wanna get one but no idea.

46. right or left handed; right

47. ever had surgery; yeah a couple times

48. piercings; none

49. sport; like, to play? i played baseball and soccer as a kid, and i played tennis with my dad occasionally but i wasnt very good.

50. vacation; i’d like to go to japan some day. also i know it became basic but i wanted to go to iceland back before OMAM got popular when no one though about it.

51. trainers; what the fuck does this mean. best gym leader was elesa.

52. eating; nothing?? i had leftover spaghetti for lunch.

53. drinking; water boys!

54. about to watch; i’ll catch up on this season’s anime soon.

55. waiting for; the sweet release of death

56. want; the sweet release of death

57. get married; for sure

58. career; in the end, something musical. I’m not sure what i’d most enjoy yet.

— which is better…

59. hugs or kisses; mmmm close but hugs probs

60. lips or eyes; what? i like my eyes and lips both very much.

61. taller or shorter; i’d like to be taller. i like shorter girls.

62. older or younger; this is so fucking weird. is this supposed to be about a partner or like if i’d rather get younger or older. what is this question.

63. nice arms or stomach; stomach

64. hookups or relationships; i love my gf very much so relationships. if i didn’t have her though? uhhh probably hookups for a while

65. troublemaker or hesitant; what.

66.  kissed a stranger; yah

67. drank hard liquor; yeah i mostly drink rum. usually either rum and coke or add something fruity though, i don’t drink liquor straight usually

68. turned someone down; yeah

69. sex on first date; uhhh. i’m usually more of a “sex before the first date” kinda guy.

70. broken someone’s heart; almost definitely

71. had your heart broken; absolutely definitely

72. been arrested; nope

73. cried when someone died; not usually when, it doesn’t usually hit me til after.

74. fallen for a friend; hmmm. i guess never really a close friend. they’re usually acquaintances or friends of friends or i ask them out before we have a chance to be friends

— do you believe in…

75. yourself; sometimes

76. miracles; usually

77. love at first sight; yeah

78. Santa Claus; no. who the fuck believes in santa clause.

79. angels; hm

— misc…

80. eye colour; blue/grey

81. best friends name; uhhhhHHHH

82. Favourite movie: i really like Her and Moonrise Kingdom. One of those.

83. favourite actor; my boy Jakey G (jake gyllenhaal)

84. favourite cartoon; Avatar the Last Airbender is hands down the best animated show ever. i dont generally consider it a “cartoon” but sure

this is so fucking long i’m not gonna tag anyone but if were mutuals and you want to do it just say i tagged you

[luccie-eclair]

Support (Renora Week: Life or Death)

Warning: Death, life support (is that too much of a spoiler… It is in the title and the prompt. I just don’t want anyone getting too upset. Whatever, just read if you want).

He’d been sick for weeks with a disease that was undergoing research and, as of currently, incurable. It started with light coughing, then came the shortness of breath that used be rare becoming a constant. Ren never had the most stable lungs, but they were better than other hunters. No one ever considered him to have an illness, though.

It had been late in afternoon when he collapsed, struggling to breathe, and Nora dragged him to the nearest hospital. Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, the doctor said. Incurable, he said. Something about a breathing machine, IVs, a heart moniter.

Life support.

After almost a month, they were running low on funds. Since when did medical bills get so high? Nora tried everything she could to get extra lien to keep him alive. She took an extra mission, she assisted her friends whenever she could, and took odd jobs around Patch in between watching her three children and visiting Ren everyday. It wasn’t enough. 

“Nora,” he called to her one afternoon under his ventilator.

She looked up from the paperwork she all but wrangled to make sense of. He looked miserable with pale skin and sagging eyes, but she’d never see him as anything but amazing even when he lay sick and drooping. “Yes, Ren,” she chirped with a bright smile that she forced a little more these days.

“Cut it.”

There was a pause. She knew exactly what he was talking about. “Cut what? The air conditioner? I can turn it down or-"She was already up and across the room to turn down the air.

"You know what I’m talking about, Nora. Cut the support.”

“No,” came the simple reply.

“Yes. There isn’t anything they can do. We’re dragging it out-”

“Ren, they could find something to help you any day now,” she whispered. She had yet to face him. If she did, the meltdown that she feared would rear it’s ugly head and with Ren in this state, she couldn’t be helped.

“We both know that isn’t true. We’re delaying this. I already know this is draining our bank accounts.”

She had enough. Nora turned around and instantly felt her eyes sting. “No, it isn’t. We’re-”

He held up an envelope that said “NOTICE” in large, red letters. “Please,  Nora. Bring the kids tomorrow, so I can see them. And let everyone know for me.”

“But…” her train of thought trailed as she looked at him. His eyes were pained, brows scrunched, and clear streaks ran down to his chin. It was hard for him, too. She nodded and went back to his bedside. A chaste kiss met his cheek and a warm hand enclosed his and squeezed. “I have to go run a few errands, but I’ll be back tomorrow. Should I bring Jaune and Pyrrha?”

Ren nodded and stared at the wall ahead of him, his thoughts drowning out the overhead television. He wanted some time alone, she could tell.

Nora got in what would soon be her car, pulled out her scroll, and went to her messenger app. She spotted the exact chat she was looking for: Rainbow Buddies, aptly named by Ruby Rose. “Hey… Ren wants to cut the support tomorrow… I can tell he doesn’t really want to, but-” She erased the last sentence. “Can you guys please call him and talk to him, even if it’s for a few minutes? I think he needs it right now.” She clicked send and shut her scroll off. She’d no doubt be flooded with calls and messages, but she just wanted time to think.

She decided to take a drive around the island before picking up the kids.

~*~

The door opened to a tear stained Jaune who immediately engulfed her while she clutched onto the back of his shirt. She felt a hand rubbing her back and she turned to see Pyrrha with red, puffy eyes and flushed cheeks.

The small woman pulled away. “He wants to see you tomorrow. Are you free in the afternoon?”

The couple nodded and each took one of her hands leading her inside. Five children, one just entering his teens, sitting in front of a television watching a happy, Disney movie. How fitting. They each turned around and their eyes brightened. “Mom,” three of them called. “Aunt Nora,” exclaimed the other two.

Her three, Kensley, Ming, and Iman ran to her to greet her, but stopped short noticing her saddened eyes. She got on her knees to look at them, though Kensley, at thirteen was already reaching her own height. “We need to talk when we get home. Go get your things and say bye to Louise and Eros and say thank you to your godparents for letting you stay the today.”

The trio exchanged a worried glance and got their bags. After exchanging hugs with whom they called cousins, they bowed to their godparents, gave them hugs (Jaune and Pyrrha practically held them), and quietly headed to the car. 

The radio normally filled the silence followed by bickering over the station, followed by singing. The ride home this evening was still.

~*~

Nora sat them in the living room next to one another and took a moment to look them over. She saw Ren in every single one of them. Their thirteen year old son’s, calm, magenta orbs. Their eleven year old daughter’s olive skin and stark, black hair. Even their adopted ten year old began to take on some of his features, like his small, but passionate facial expressions. 

When she broke the news to them, she’d gotten the response she expected. Kensley looked broken and disappointed as quiet sobs racked his thin frame. The youngest, Iman, voiced nothing. She remained stoic and unmoving, but the streaks down her cheek gave her away. Ming reacted the worse. She screamed, she kicked, she cried, she called Nora a killer for turning off his life support, she said that she hated her and would never forgive her. Nora knew that she didn’t mean it, but it still felt like a knife had torn through her. She still felt like a failure despite her husband’s wish.

~*~

The next afternoon, the Ren Family made their way to the hospital. Ming gave her the silent treatment. The Arc’s were already there having seen the sick man before they arrived. Nora sent the kids in first, then blankly stared at the cream walls. She caught glimpses of the conversation: some yelling, crying, but many laughs.

“Promise me that you’ll be good for your mom and look after each other, okay,” she heard. Everything was muffled after that. The kids would be out at any moment and then she’d have to face him one last time. “Tell mom I want to see her.”

The three trudged past her and sat around Pyrrha and Jaune who happily lended them a shoulder. Nora slowly walked in and closed the door behind her. She turned and he greeted her with a small smile. She approached his bed cautiously.

“Do you remember when we first met?” Of course. “Looks like you’re saving me once again.” She huffed a small laugh. “Everyone came to visit yesterday. Not Weiss, but she did call me while she was away on her mission. Thank you.” Nora nodded. It was silent between them. She wouldn’t look at him, but all he did was stare at her. His dulled eyes boring into her, memorizing her once more. “Do you remember the orphanage and Miss Alice? Remember when you found your semblance? That scared the shit out of me. I thought I lost you." 

An inkling of a smile took the corners of her lips. "That was a crazy Thursday.”

“Remember our combat teacher, Tana? Or, when we first got into Beacon? You were so excited and nervous. I still think about the day Beacon fell. I was worried about you the whole time.” Her smile left as she recalled the same night. “Remember our first kiss? Once we got to Mistral? Your lips tasted like syrup, by the way.” She laughed again. “Oh, and at Kuroyuri, I discovered that polka dots look really great on you.” She laughed even louder. “I like to think back to our first time, and our wedding, and our honeymoon. You were so excited when you found out you were pregnant, but you were so miserable during it. I almost couldn’t keep up with your cravings. Then you got pregnant again, and Ming drove you insane. Iman was such a blessing especially since you didn’t want to go through another nine months of hell." 

Her laughter soon dissolved into tears. Their lives started out so horribly, but it melted away into something resembling amazing. It was as if all of that was being torn away yet again. She felt his hand, clammy yet firm, grasp her hand.

He’d taken the IV out of his arm. There would be no need for it soon. "I filled out all of the paperwork and everything yesterday. They said they didn’t want to move me into hospice then because so many people kept coming in and out, it’d cause confusion.” The salty liquid continued to pour as she looked at the bland walls above his head. “Nora, please look at me.” She shut her eyes tight and opened them.

His eyes seemed to brighten up, but they quickly got watered down. She wanted to say it, those three words. She couldn’t say them. A shaking hand went to tap his nose, but the mask…

“I love you, too. I miss you already.” Her forehead met his. Her teardrops fell and fused with his own. “I want to kiss you.”

“But the-”

“I know, Nora.” His vacant hand slid into her locks. His eyes all but begged.

She quietly accepted it and locked in their fate. She removed the mask from his face and pressed her lips to his. His hands clutched and clung to her hand and her hair. His last breath left him quickly.

Nora didn’t need to hear the elongated beep of the heart monitor to know that he’d left them.

~*~

Over a year later, a widowed mother of three sat in what used to be a shared master bedroom early in the afternoon dressed in an forest green dress. She reached for the drawer in the nightstand and pulled out a worn, pink box with a faded, yellow crown. It’d been given to her over 15 years before. She pulled out an enveloped near tattered from the amount of times they were separated on this day.

“Open when it’s our anniversary.”

A/N: It’s done. This actually broke me to write it and hit a tad too close to home. I’m too tired to do free choice, but I’ll try. Ugh, it’s a little too melodramatic, but I’ve never done a death prompt before, so let’s call this a work in progress. I considered killing off Nora and making this Ren-centric, but I’d already done quite a few from 3rd person Ren-limited POV, so I decided against it. I did as much research on COPD and life support as I could before I called it quits and just wrote, so a lot of stuff may be off. Geez, this fic legit left me emotionally exhausted. I had to stop every few paragraphs to cry 😒😒😒 I’m supposed to be a badass and this ship is ruining my whole shortie, bad girl persona.