#it's funny that angst is a bitch to write now when i used to known as the angst queen but i digress | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

littlegodzilla · 2 years

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Hii!! I'm here with your request!

As I said I loved the idea to write about Daryl and Negan it's so funny.

I hope you like it!!

Enjoy!!

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Stay away from her.

Daryl Dixon x Reader / Negan x Reader (Platonic)

One shot.

Requested by: @ravendixon

Post Whisperers. Non-Canon. Eras mixed.

Warnings: Angst. Fighting. Jealous. Protective Daryl. Sassy Negan (of course). Fluff. Happy ending.

Words: 5200.

Taglist: @phoenixblack89 @browneyes528 @lilythemadqueen @darylsgarden @thefemininemystiquee @green-eyedladywrites @hail-yourselves @ruinedbythehobbit @xxtinasxxblog @ravenwings73 @spenciepoo338 @b-tchymoon @minervadashwood @darylssluttt @let-love-bleeds-red @ravendixon

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Daryl walks steadily towards the huge walls of Alexandria. Every step he takes forward he feels more nervous, he has spent a long time away from home and now he feels like a stranger. He knows his community needs him, after the war against Negan and the Saviors, after managing to eliminate the Whisperers, Alexandria has suffered heavy casualties, the walls are not so safe anymore, his people need help, winter is coming and everything seems to be getting worse by the minute. That's why he decided to return.

After Rick's disappearance he felt desolate, empty, he had lost his best friend, his brother, he felt nothing inside him and that forced him to move away, because he knew that if he stayed in Alexandria things would be much worse. He was six years away from the community, going from time to time in search of supplies for his camp until he found her and did not return, but....

He shakes his head trying to forget that, it's been a long time, he doesn't want his mind to keep going back to those days, he made a decision, to go back, he knows Leah will have found another place, a real home where to feel safe and loved, he had to go back to his people too.

The gates of Alexandria open as he passes, he absentmindedly greets the guards guarding the entrance, Dog next to him rushes in, walking around the place, greeting everyone. Everything seems quiet, there is a sense of calm and peace at the same time that people are working hard to recover that place. They aren't only inhabitants of Alexandria, the few remaining inhabitants of Hilltop and The Kingdom are also among its people. Daryl lets out a sigh. It's been a hard time.

"Daryl!" Aaron's voice pulls him out of his thoughts, he smiles at the man who greets him with a small hug and adjusts his backpack on his shoulder. "It's been days since you left...how are you?"

"Fine...wanderin' here and there, y'know..." He shrugs. "Goin' somewhere?"

"Yeah, I'm going out to get supplies." When Aaron says your name Daryl's body tenses for a second.

Maybe you're another reason he left and decided to come back to the community.

He had run away from you.

You've known each other almost since all this started, you met at the quarry with the Atlanta group. You were always a very straightforward woman, you almost always spoke your mind and even though Daryl back then was not as well liked as he is now, you always trusted him. You knew that Merle was what made him stray from his own morality, his Jiminy Cricket died intoxicated by the poison his older brother poured into his ear, however, when he disappeared everything began to change.

"I like you, Daryl." You said to him one day, like one who looks up at the clouds and assures a storm.

Daryl was paralyzed by your words, stunned, you seemed a little nervous, but at the same time you hoped he wouldn't respond.

"Get away from me, bitch."

Or that he would react badly.

But you never stepped aside. Without being burdensome or heavy-handed, you were always by his side to help him with whatever he needed, him and the group; you learned to defend yourself with firearms and a knife Daryl himself gave you. You didn't want to be a hindrance, you wanted to be useful to everyone, to keep the group safe.

"Look Daryl, yer girlfriend is comin' back to get ya." Merle would joke to make you uncomfortable, however he always got the opposite effect.

"Oh, how sweet, your brother gives us his blessing." Merle would laugh nonstop at your sass and Daryl would feel the heat explode in his cheeks, making him turn and mumble away.

But things have changed and Daryl knows it, ever since he left Alexandria the first day, when he was unable to find Rick's body and started spending more time outside of the community, you've drifted away from him. You were always kind and you still had trust and affection, but it wasn't the same, your jokes, your smiles only dedicated to him, your touches or your harmless hugs began to disappear to be replaced by weak smiles, nods and awkward conversations.

He had run away from you and how he felt about you.

"Daryl!" You call out to him approaching him with a small smile.

You walk quickly towards both men and after weeks of not seeing each other, you wrap your arms around his body in a small hug pressing yourself against him. Daryl reacts to your hug with the same intensity trying not to smile too much, his nose buries itself in your hair inhaling the scent it gives off discreetly, he closes his eyes when the smell of almonds mixed with gunpowder and dirt.

"Wow, Daryl, we missed you already." You hear behind you.

Daryl's eyes snap open, the husky voice, the mocking undertone painting his words, he would recognize that voice anywhere in the world. And he would still feel his blood boil. You turn away from him and move closer to Aaron and Negan, since the Whisperers disappeared he has slowly made a niche for himself among the people of Alexandria, guarded, but people are starting to trust him. Daryl doesn't. He's still too aware of everything that's happened to forget. What he doesn't understand is what he's doing there with you.

"We should get going." You say adjusting your pack. "The sooner we get out of here the sooner we'll be back."

"Ya three goin'?" he asks with surprise.

"Yes, we're the scouting trio." Negan replies with his sickening grin, challenging the archer with his gaze.

"Ya trust him?"

"We've been going out on patrol for weeks, the three of us." You reply with a shrug. "Let's go now." You insist.

"Wait...I'm comin' with ya." He joins the group, gestures for Dog to stay there, and Aaron looks at the rest of the group.

"You just got here wouldn't you rather rest?"

"I'm fine, the more the merrier, the more stuff we can bring." He shrugs.

None of you say anything, you make sure you have everything ready and head out of Alexandria, Daryl a few steps behind following your march. Aaron stays with him, to update him on your plan, where you want to go and what you expect to find. Daryl listens to him distractedly, his eyes fixed on you, a few steps ahead, accompanied by Negan. The two of you talk animatedly, the man wears a backpack on his shoulder and an iron bar tightened in the belt of his pants, his bat long gone, but that doesn't make him any less deadly. You clearly still have a soft spot for the basket cases, like Negan, like himself, you try to look on the bright side, that everyone can change, be better. Giving those second chances is what makes you weak. Daryl isn't judging you, he doesn't want to, but he feels something twist inside his stomach every time Negan gets closer to you and playfully taps you with his shoulder getting a chuckle out of you.

It's a clear and blatant goof, and the bile sours Daryl's mouth.

"Daryl?" He hears Aaron's voice next to him and finally peels his eyes away from the two of you.

"What? Sorry, I was..."

"Worried about her?" his voice now sounds lower, his eyes looking at you and then at the hunter. "You don't have to worry, she knows how to take care of herself."

"I know, but it's Negan, why do you let...?"

"Because he's expendable... if something bad were to happen on the mission and he were left behind, it would be a meaningless loss."

"And if he betrays ya?" he insists with a growl, but Aaron shakes his head.

"He wouldn't make it out alive, believe me. You've been gone a long time, buddy, a lot has changed." He pats him on the back, leaving Daryl behind.

Clearly a lot has changed and Daryl feels slightly lost. But he can't hold back any longer when you slip on some rocks in the middle of the road, his body propels forward to help you, but doesn't make it in time because Negan holds you by the waist sticking you to his body. No, he can't see this.

He quicken his pace and push Negan away from you, Negan looks at him with raised eyebrows but then smirks, you frown, but Daryl grabs your wrist keeping you by his side.

"What's the matter, D, did you fall too? I can hold your little hand too." He scoffs and Daryl challenges him with his gaze.

"Keep walkin'." He growls pointing with his chin at Aaron who is a few steps ahead and waiting for you guys.

"Daryl..."

"Easy honey, some people are always so scared." Negan smiles again and turns around leaving you two alone. You let go then and fold your arms.

"May I know what you're doing?"

"I'm ain't doin' anythin'..." He mutters averting his gaze.

"Then what was that for?"

"Nothin'..." He shrugs. "I just don't like the way he touches ya, I think..." He starts whispering looking everywhere but at you.

"You don't like the way he touches me?" You look at him in disbelief. "Who do you think you are, my father?" you frown and Daryl lifts his head like a spring, shaking it.

"N-no, but Negan..."

"We all have the right to move on, Daryl." You cut him off and he falls silent. "You're not the only one with that right."

Daryl feels his words choke in his throat as his hair stands on end. A strange fear grips him, is it that you know something he doesn't? He is unable to give you a proper retort, so you simply snort and turn around to go with Aaron and Negan. He stands a few paces behind you, watching you in silence, thinking about what you've told him. Did you find out? How? Maybe you went near the camp one day? Did you meet Leah by accident? His heart is racing, a cold sweat running down his back, no, it can't be that, she was never at his camp, you never went looking for him, just Carol....

Stop thinking at that very moment, a curse appears in his mind, Carol, sure the woman has told you something, know that she has not done it with bad intentions, sure it was a conversation as an anecdote, but it is clear that it has affected you. Now he understands your behavior, he understands that you are distant with him.

You hate him.

The uneasiness tightens in his chest and he feels burning in his throat, he would like to talk to you about it, to clear things up, he would like to be brave and say clearly how he feels about you, but he knows that won't do, what does he expect to happen, what can he say? He ran away from how he felt and then came back, he could have been with someone else before he was with you, that certainly isn't going to solve your estrangement.

His feet trip over a stone on the road kicking it harder, he feels frustrated and that anxious feeling is still weighing on his chest. For a second he wonders at what point everything started to go wrong, because he is unable to remember.

"Here we are, ladies." He hears Negan's voice and stops.

Daryl observes where you intend to get in, it looks like an old school, the fence around the perimeter is still in good condition, but inside you can see that the building has been assaulted on some previous occasion, doors unhinged, broken windows, some children's bus smashed. Daryl doesn't think it's a good idea, but at the same time the schools have been used as shelters, there may be some canned food left, blankets, mats that you could use as temporary beds, plus medical supplies, bandages, gauze, some medicine.

"We should be careful, make sure there ain't Walkers inside." Daryl speaks, earning stares from the rest.

"I agree." You reply adjusting your backpack and pulling out a machete, best not to use the ammo just yet.

"Let's make two groups." Aaron proposes. "Check both entrances that way and meet at an intermediate point."

"Sounds like a good idea." Negan nods and circles your shoulders. "We go together."

"No way." Quickly barks Daryl.

"Calm down, D, I'm not going to steal her from you, I know you and her are, she doesn't expect you to..." His mischievous grin is branded on his face, Daryl is about to pounce on him, but Aaron stops them.

"Enough, this isn't the time, I'll go with Negan out the back door, we'll meet in the dining room of the main building." He plans, switching his hand for a ball full of spikes.

"Alright, be careful." You ask them and directing a glare at Daryl, you start down the slope.

"Be safe." He asks Aaron looking at Negan. "If by any chance ya try anythin'..."

"Save it, I'm not the one to come and go when you 'need to relax' so I'm not going to do anything stupid." assures Negan and he starts walking away as well.

"See you inside." Aaron says goodbye going after his partner.

Daryl hesitates once again, chewing on his lip, when did everything get so complicated?"

*********

"Can we talk?" Daryl mutters after a few minutes in silence.

Entering the main building hadn't been difficult, the front door was unguarded, there were a few bodies of Walkers, but they all had some sign on their heads, so they wouldn't get back up, you made some noise to attract possible stragglers, but nothing happened, so you entered the huge building in search of the rest of the group, in the dining room, as you had agreed.

"I don't think this is the best time, Daryl." You reply without letting your guard down, looking around expecting some unpleasant surprise.

"Yer fuckin' Negan?" he asks in a snarl and pauses closing his eyes for a second, shaking his head. He didn't mean it like that.

"What?" you turn around to face him and Daryl waves his hands nervously. "And what do you care?"

"I care... it's..." He chews his lip and feel the words get stuck in his mouth again.

"Were you fucking Leah?" You ask back and the blood freezes in his veins.

"It didn't mean anythin'..." He whispers lowering his gaze.

"Were you fucking her yes or no?" you repeat but he is unable to answer, still his silence is the answer you expected to hear. "Then it meant something... what I do or don't do is none of your business, Daryl."

"It's Negan." He replies as if that's the magic answer, "He killed Abraham and Glenn..." you snort between amused and fed up.

"He killed Abraham, but you killed Glenn." You spit angrily and Daryl takes a step back as if your words have physically struck him.

You look at each other for a few seconds, you breathe hard through your nose, you are angry, but at the same time you regret what you said to him, he can see it in the tears in your eyes, however, Daryl is not upset, he knows why you are acting defensive, and he knows that he is acting jealous without having the right to feel that way. He missed his chance with you, the moment he decided to leave the community and disappear, your bond was broken.

He turned his back on you and knows he's not going to be able to get you back.

You set off again without opening your mouths, you enter the mess hall where Aaron and Negan are already dividing up what little is left in the backpacks. You walk up to them under Daryl's watchful eye, he watches as Negan approaches and his hand caresses your head, he speaks to you in whispers and you shake your head, but you let the man hug you even though you don't respond to the gesture. Daryl's jaw tenses violently, he feels his teeth chatter, his blood boils because Negan is smiling towards him, he's enjoying the moment and he can't even go there and smack the smile off his face.

"Okay, we're done here." Aaron breaks the tension by being the center of attention now. "We should check the gym, it's possible that's where we'll find everything else."

"Okay, on the way there we'll stop at the infirmary and grab whatever's there." You propose and again get lost in the corridors of the huge building.

********

"Run, run!" Daryl shouts, launching another of his arrows at the huge group of dead chasing you down the corridor.

At a hurried pace you enter the gym, but things don't get any better; in there, lying on the floor, there are numbers of bodies that begin to react to your entrance. They are weak from the time spent without eating, without moving, but you are a new prey and that pushes them to get up.

"Shit, shit!" you shout, striking hard and fast at those who move, dodging those who follow you.

The stop at the infirmary was a mistake. You found supplies, but also a herd that came out of the classrooms adjacent to the infirmary that forced you to run away, unfortunately they have been closing the way and forced you to run to the gym. The doors of the gymnasium are locked from the outside, to prevent all the dead from getting out, and you with them. You look for a second option, the windows are too high and difficult to access.

"Let's go up the steps!" You shout pointing to the bleachers that are gathered.

You run up there jumping to the highest rungs, the mechanism hasn't locked properly, but at the same time the steps are left high enough that the Walkers can't climb up. Mentally you are thankful that they are not able to come up with any big plans other than huddling and grunting. Anyway you can't stand there forever either, the longer it goes on the more they will be attracted by the noise and movement, plus the structure won't hold up to all the pushing and shoving they are doing, it's old and decaying. You need a plan.

Your eyes twitch nervously when you see the gap of a slightly open window. You bite your lip and smack Negan's arm, pointing to the window.

"Help me up." You tell him.

"What? No, we don't know what might be out there."

"We know what's in here, Negan, we can't just stand around and wait for them to leave on their own two feet." You try to talk some sense into him.

"Negan's right." Aaron jumps into the conversation. "We can kill them from here, one by one, and then get out."

"That's too long, and this isn't going to hold that long, there's four of us adults and all those zombies pushing each other, soon it'll break and we'll fall." You say nervously and upset.

"What's yer plan?" Daryl walks over to you.

"Climb up to that window, find a way to get their attention and open the gym door to get out." You quickly explain. Daryl knows it's crazy, but he also knows it's your only option, if you stay there you will die.

"Okay, get in." He nods and slings the crossbow back on his back.

"Is that okay with you!" Negan says in disbelief.

"'S better than doin' nothin'." He grunts and leans against the wall.

He bends his knees a little and intertwines his fingers, looks at you and nods. You hesitate for a second, maybe your idea isn't such a good one, but you can't back out now. You put away your machete and hold onto Daryl's shoulders as you rest your foot on his hand. Daryl exerts full force from below, propelling you fast towards the window sending you flying for a second. Your hands grip the edge of the window and you feel his hands on your legs, pushing your feet from below to help you better reach your target until you have half your body outside and they can't push you anymore. With extreme care you slip outside walking along the roof of the building, plotting a new plan as you move.

From inside Daryl feels his breath hitch and his hands shake, now that he's seen you disappear he fears he was wrong.

"Congratulations, you just killed your girlfriend." Negan spits angrily.

"Then we already gotta somethin' common." Daryl replies seeing the man's eyes fill with anger.

"Stop it both of you!" Aaron steps in the middle as he sees Negan grip the iron bar tightly. "Our partner is putting her ass out there, stop acting like babies and let's help her!" He looks at them both with a scowl. "Let's make noise to attract as many Walkers as we can, let her have a clear path."

The two men study each other closely with heavy breaths, frowning, sizing each other up. Aaron is tempted to strike them with his orthopedic arm, but he controls himself in time by directing his blows towards the metal structure where they are perched to attract the herd's attention. Negan and Daryl imitate him soon after, Daryl misses some arrows with several Walkers who are near the exit door. A few minutes pass in which the structure begins to give way when, not far away, the muffled horn of a vehicle is heard. The three men stop, the dead men grunt and slowly walk away out the inner door, looking for the source of the noise. They are surprised that any of those old buses still have enough battery power to run, but they breathe a sigh of relief that you are safe too.

There's a small group of ten stragglers left behind, but it's not important, between the three of them they quickly eliminate them after climbing down from the bleachers that were beginning to squeak dangerously. The door to the outside of the gym moves calling your attention, they run towards it and help you to open it, as it had remained petrified for so long closed. Next to you is a bus puffing vaguely spitting black smoke from the exhaust pipe.

"Let's go before they detect us." You say running inside the vehicle again.

In the distance the horn of another bus is still blaring, but you leave through the back door of the building, where Negan and Aaron had entered, leaving the herd behind, scattered and with any luck, none of them would follow you back home. It's a shame because you weren't able to collect as much as you would have liked, but you're alive.

When you think you are far enough away that they can't follow you, you stop the bus, you too need a moment to calm down all your adrenaline. You look at your companions who are panting and smiling excited, scared and over excited about the whole situation. Negan then gets up and runs up to you hugging you, making you laugh loudly.

"You're my fucking hero." He says without letting go of squeezing you in his arms. "You had us scared to death, how many action movies have you seen in your life?" He jokes.

"Actually I've always been more of a video game girl." You reply and you both laugh letting him hug you again.

Daryl feels his body lean forward to separate him from you, but he stops himself, he knows he has no right to do that, after your conversation he can't keep acting like this. Your gazes match then, you smile a little at the same time he nods his head and sits down in one of the rows of the bus.

You drive the bus back to Alexandria, slowly, there's not much gas left, but it manages to cover the miles that separated you from the school. Maybe you can't use it to move from one place to another, in that time the vegetation has been winning the battle against everything that man once built, but maybe it can help you to cover the wall that has fallen down, until you manage to raise the metal plates again.

********

After a long time, the night is calm and peaceful in Alexandria, you can't say why but you're sure it's because of that hole you've plugged with the bus. It won't last forever, but at least it keeps the fear from taking over you every day. You cross your arms, the night starts to cool down, the cold will soon hit the country again and your bones start to feel it. With any luck the walls will be up again by then and you will only have to worry about finding firewood to keep warm.

You stop your pacing as you see Daryl sitting on top of the bus, his hands wrapped around his knees, his crossbow resting between his legs. For a second the flash of the prison memory comes to your mind, a younger Daryl decked out in his poncho, his hair much shorter, moving around like a guard dog. You sigh, you miss those years, sometimes you wonder what would have happened if the Governor hadn't tried to eliminate you, if you had all lived together without bothering each other. You know you wouldn't have lasted long because the flu that hit the prison soon after would have taken you all away.

Maybe it would have been easier.

You rock your body hesitantly, but finally manage to climb up and onto the roof of the vehicle, Daryl gives you a sidelong glance, but doesn't move, you press your lips together in a forced smile and suddenly the calm and peaceful atmosphere turns into a dense tension.

"What are you doing here?" you whisper not knowing how to begin.

"I keep watch... Tonight there's a new moon and the darkness is greater... we gotta be careful." He replies with a shrug.

"Thank you... always looking out for us..."

"Not enough, I guess." He turns his head to look at you and you press your lips tighter together.

"I'm sorry..." You say sincerely. "What I said... I didn't..." You clench your fists tightly.

"Ya really mean it?"

"Of course not." You respond quickly with a gasp. "What happened that night was no one's fault, just... Negan's..." You swallow hard. "But I was angry, I was... I couldn't believe you were jealous of him..."

"Why yer defendin' him so much?" he stands up to be on the same level as you and your body trembles, the night making him seem taller, bigger. "Ya really think he deserves it?"

"Everyone deserves a second chance..." You nod. "You had it when Merle disappeared, Rick gave it to you, you took it and changed." You look at him trying to make him understand. "Tara had her second chance, she fought by the Governor's side, she stayed behind, Glenn rescued her, she changed..." You lick your lips. "Negan saved Judith in the snowstorm... No one of us realized she was missing, but he went looking for her... I know I can never forgive him for what he did, but he's changing, he's not a brave man, anger made him the way he was, but now he has nothing left to fight for..."

"How y'know all that?"

"Because he told me..."

"And how y'know it's true?"

"Because when Maggie tried to kill him and saw him consumed by his own fear and despair she realized that it would only set him free, that for him his torture was to be alive." You shrug. "You can think what you want of him, of me, but don't doubt my loyalty, Daryl; this is my family, I would never let them be harmed." You assure him and are ready to leave.

"Love ya." You hear from behind you and your step is blocked.

You turn around to look at him with wide eyes. Confused. No, you heard wrong, it's not possible what Daryl said, it was a figment of your imagination. He seems impassive, as if he really hasn't opened his mouth, but the repeated chewing of his lip gives him away, he's nervous. A gasp escapes your mouth.

"It's not fair..." You whisper feeling your chest hurt. "You can't..."

"I know, but I needed to tell ya." He advances a few steps towards you, the roof of the vehicle creaks under your feet, perhaps not the best place for this.

"I waited for you... years... I was always waiting..." A tear runs down your cheek, but he catches it instantly with his thumb, his knuckles touching your skin. "I thought at some point, maybe you'd come down those walls, that you'd finally... but you were gone..." A sob betrays you and you bite your tongue as your shoulders shake, Daryl stares at you. "And I kept waiting, I kept hoping that you would come back, that you would stay with me, but you...you found someone else.. " There's pain in the smile that plays across your mouth and Daryl feels it like a kick in the balls.

"I'm sorry..." It's the only thing he's able to say.

"I accepted it, you know, I really thought it was good, I was happy for you, I thought this way you'd come home, that your pain would go away, but even so..."

"I came back, I came back to all of ya, to ya." Her thumbs brush your cheeks. "She made me choose, my family or her and then I realized that... I couldn't stay away, that it was all being a mistake." He swallows nervously and rests his forehead against yours. "When I went back to Alexandria I wasn't just gonna back for supplies or to know how things were, I... I was always lookin' for ya, I wasn't conscious but I always had my eyes on ya, how ya were doin', what ya were doin'... I realized we were driftin' apart and I was afraid of losin' ya." He speaks in whispers and your sobs become more intense, your hands holding his wrists.

"Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"Because I felt I had no right... that I was bein' selfish, I had played with yer feelings and..."

"And why now?" you raise your head, you know the night is protecting you, but you're sure you see the blush on her cheeks.

"'Cause I hate Negan... and he won't stay away from ya, and I can't... the very thought of him touchin' ya, corrupts me..." He hones in and closes his eyes. "'M still a selfish piece of shit 'cause I only wanna ya for myself..." He confesses and his hands press tighter against your cheeks.

Your eyes glance sideways at him, his forehead against yours, his fingers brushing against you, his eyes closed and his teeth biting his lip. Your heart is still broken but you feel the pieces slowly coming together again. Still holding his wrists you lean forward giving him a soft kiss on the lips. Daryl freezes for a second and then kisses you too. His mouth catches yours holding you by the nape of your neck. The two of you share a long, intense kiss, full of meaning, full of all the feelings that invade you both, that you have always felt for each other.

You break the kiss for air, a smile graces your mouth and Daryl's heart skips a beat, those smiles are the ones you always gave away and that he had missed so much.

"I love you, Daryl..." you whisper.

"Lova ya too, girl." He smiles kissing you once more, the ceiling creaks again and you pull away, laughing softly.

"We better get down from here before we have an accident."

"Yeah, let's go home." He says taking your hand and you nod.

"Let's go home..."

*********

The End.

******

I hope you liked it!!

See you in the next stories!

#my stuff #norman reedus #normanreedus #daryl dixon #daryldixon #ask me #twd fanfiction #one shot #daryl x reader #fluff #angst #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon x femreader

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jackrrabbit · 4 years

Text

Runaways /// Dabi x f!Reader (18+)

Summary: You were like an older sister to Dabi back when the two of you were teen runaways together; now that he’s found you as an adult, it’s not going to be so easy to get rid of him.

A/N: I could write a term paper on all of Dabi’s pathologies in this fic...I forgot how much I love writing smutty angst. Good shit 👌

I was planning on making this a ficlet so it’s kinda structured like that even though it ended up a full-length piece. Also, Dabi says some bullshit about sex work that I absolutely do not agree with or condone so please keep that in mind.

➠ see also: [homeowners association]

Tags/warnings: Dabi victimizes you, noncon/dubcon, light yandere, threats, cheating, NTR kinda?, mentions of past sex work, degradation, rough sex (breath play, impact play, crying), mild violence, very brief mentions of past child abuse in the Todoroki household, sad stuff/angst idk lol, *Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood plays in the background*

Dabi would know you anywhere.

You’re different now, which makes sense. It’s been years. Your old uniform of raggedy denim and hand-me-down leather has been replaced with a prim linen dress, designer label at the collar. You used to dye your hair religiously (it was neon pink when he saw you last) but now it’s styled back to your natural shade, a color he only saw back then when your roots grew out. You smell good, expensive. It does take him a second to recognize you without smudged pencil eyeliner drawn under your eyes like in the old days, but once he catches your gaze the realization is immediate.

It’s you. You. You.

You recognize him too, but your reaction is different—shock, then panic; you tug the arm of the man at your side, urging him to walk faster so you can pass Dabi on the sidewalk. The rejection stings for a second, but he isn’t too surprised. You did abandon him, after all.

Dabi doesn’t let it bother him. You’re not going to get away that easy. He pulls you into conversation, grinning when you reluctantly introduce him to your companion (who is, apparently, your husband) as an old friend from school. You didn’t go to school—Dabi knows that, and you know that, but your husband doesn’t. Which means your husband isn’t aware of your sordid past as a runaway.

This is going to be fun.

Once he knows you’re in town, he doesn’t have much trouble finding you. Your husband is a very wealthy man, well-known in this city now that he’s moved here. So this is what you’ve been up to all these years? Shacking up with some ugly motherfucker who’s at least 20 years your senior because he can afford to dress you up in pretty things and take you on overseas vacations? Dabi has to admit, he wouldn’t have thought it of you. Back when he knew you, you were so sincere, such an idealist, even in your darkest nights.

Then again…you always were willing to get your hands dirty in exchange for a warm meal and a place to sleep. Maybe you haven’t changed as much as you think.

Dabi comes to your house in the middle of the day when your husband’s at work and you’re stuck at home because that’s what you are now, a housewife. From a cocksucking whore to a pretty housewife with a dirty little secret. He’s getting hard just thinking about it as he watches your internal debate on whether to let him in or not. Eventually guilt wins out and you usher him inside, hoping the neighbors didn’t see a known villain lurking on your doorstep.

You make Dabi coffee (and aww, you remember exactly how he likes it). He gets you to talking, and you don’t seen surprised to learn about his current line of work; when he presses you, you admit that you’ve been following him in the news. Your life, in comparison, has been wholly uninteresting: you met a man, he proposed, and you married him. Very little has happened to you since. After a long silence you timidly apologize to Dabi for leaving him behind when you two were teenagers, and he tells you he understands.

He doesn’t forgive you.

Overall, things are good, he tells you. But you know, sometimes he misses the old days. Being on the run with you, stealing food from gas stations, breaking into fancy summer homes and pretending the two of you lived there. Stitching up each other’s cuts, because one of you had always gotten in a fight in the past few days. Sometimes he still has dreams about the smell of the balm you used on his fresh burns…and your cool hands, smoothing gently across the tender skin on his face, but he doesn’t say that.

You look down into your monogrammed coffee mug and tell him you know what he means.

When you turn your head like that, Dabi can see the tiny dots running up the side of your ear where your old piercings have scarred over from lack of use. Do you remember when he gave them to you? You did his first, running a needle through the lonely flame of your lighter (he offered to use his quirk, but it was still hard for him to control then so you declined) and then threading the metal through his ear. You promised it would only hurt for a second, and you were right, so he let you do the others.

Then you offered to let him do yours. Just one on each ear—you already had an impressive collection of piercings, but you wanted to let him return the favor, so he did. You were older and more experienced and had lived on the streets for longer, so when he held the needle in his hand and heard your voice saying you trusted him, it was the first time he ever thought of you as fragile, something delicate, something that he was capable of harming.

He chose twin helix piercings for you, cresting the shell of each ear, silver band rings to match his. When they were done you pulled him to a mirror and asked him what he thought. It hadn’t been long since he got the worst burns on his face (the ones under his eyes, wrapping around his chin and down his neck) and he was still getting used to the knowledge that the ugly, wrinkled scars were never going to heal. “I look like…” he started.

A monster. A freak. A victim.

“A badass,” you said. “You look fucking cool. Any asshole who wants to pick a fight with you will take one look and know you’ve been through worse shit than whatever they can dish out, and that’s something to be proud of.”

Now that Dabi thinks about it, he probably wanted you even then.

…But the longer he reminisces, the more nostalgia’s going to distract him. He came here for a reason, and it wasn’t to have coffee with you and talk about the good old days. What he’s about to take from you—what he’s about to make you give—is long overdue.

You’ve still got a little fight in you. Dabi likes that. But you’ve gone soft, filling out and losing muscle in places where you used to be lean and hard from the constant running and fighting of your old lifestyle. Besides, even if you were as strong as you’d been back then, he’d still be stronger than you—he’s a man now, and it’s incredible how small and weak you seem now that he can look at you as a man.

Were your punches always this light? No way…and your wrists couldn’t have always been this delicate. It’s really no trouble at all for him to wrestle you down to the couch and pin you there so he can tear off your stupid little housewife dress and tug your panties down past your ankles.

Once he’s got you fully naked, though, you pretty much give up trying to fight him off. It’s sad, really—like you’re remembering the past, remembering all the times you let other men hold you and fuck you just so you could have enough money to take yourself and Dabi to McDonalds for a few days. And now look, you’re plenty well-fed, but Dabi’s the one holding you down against your will. Funny how things change like that.

He does appreciate your submission, since it gives him the chance to get a decent look at you. The years have been kind—you look so much healthier than you used to. No more visible ribcage stretching out your skin; no more unhealthy pallor from going outside only at night. Your hands are as soft and manicured as if you’ve never done a day’s work in your life, a far cry from the bitten nails and bloody knuckles of your youth. It’s good to see you like this, and he lingers for a second, drinking in the sight of you and committing you to memory.

Dabi’s pictured this moment for years. He used to think he’d savor it, be sweet with you, slow and gentle to show you what you were missing with the trashy guys you used to hang out with. But now, hey—he’s the trashy one, he’s the one who wants to hurt you and own you and ruin you. May as well act like it.

Your husband doesn’t fuck you like this, does he?

You’re unbelievably tight for a former whore. Dabi can barely hold out when he first pushes into you, licking the tears off your cheeks when apparently it hurts too much for you to keep up a brave face. It takes real effort to fuck himself all the way into you, pushing past the tense squeeze of your muscles while you…well, you’re not exactly wet, but he’ll get you there. As soon as his hips are grinding up against yours, he’s hitching your legs up on his shoulders and pounding you into your stuffy antique couch so deeply that he thinks it might splinter into pieces underneath the two of you.

God, you’re so, so, tight. Dabi feels like a virgin with his cock buried inside you, biting his lip so he doesn’t cum in thirty seconds and thrusting into you with a rhythm that comes from nothing less than pure animal instinct. And you’re getting into it too. Can you tell that your pleading and begging him to get off you is turning into moaning? Can you feel your hips bucking weakly back against his, reverting to the position of the submissive bitch your body remembers even if your mind has tried to forget?

It’s perfect, right and good and perfect, everything Dabi’s been waiting for since he first knew what it was to want someone—no, not just someone. You. It’s always been you. A person never forgets their first love, right? It’s perfect, except—except you won’t look at him, you keep looking off to the side and sniffling, and that’s not going to cut it. So he slows down and wrenches your head back to center and makes you kiss him, sliding his tongue over yours and trying to see if he can feel the place where you used to have a piercing there, too. It’s kind of thrilling, actually—wondering whenever his face dips into yours if you’re going to bite him, if he’ll come back from you with blood in his mouth.

He’s only got to thumb over your clit a couple times before you’re clamping down on him, your body begging to be used and abused. Your husband hasn’t been treating you right, though Dabi doubts the old bastard can even get it up without a blue pill. Sure, you look like a sweet little doll, so darling and delicate and breakable, but Dabi knows you better than that. You’re strong, you can take it. He knows you want it rough, so that’s how he’ll give it to you—and hey, hey, he can feel your cunt quivering around him—you’re cumming, aren’t you? So you like it. You like it.

He knew he wasn’t going to last long before, but when you cum and tighten and squeal so high he thinks you could lose your voice, the tension in his abdomen rises up and he digs his fingers into your hips and—shit, you’re saying something, what are you saying? You’re pleading, begging him not to cum inside—but, ohhhhhh fuck he can’t help it, he can’t, he can’t, he’s cumming all the way deep into your tight little snatch, cockhead jutting up at your cervix, fucking his semen all the way through you until your slit is smeared white from top to bottom.

Stop crying. Dabi’s sick of hearing you cry.

You’re still pretty nimble, even though your current exercise regimen probably doesn’t extend beyond periodic jogs around your neighborhood and weekly pilates with all the other bored trophy wives. He’s kind of surprised when as soon as he lifts himself off of you, you have the strength to roll off the couch and scramble around on the floor for your clothing.

You don’t say anything, which he wasn’t expecting. You don’t scream at him, demand that he leave, or ask him how he could do this to you after everything the two of you went through together. You probably still think of yourself as an older sister when it comes to him.

When you’d first met the scarred kid trying and failing to live off the streets, you knew he wasn’t cut out for this. He’d known pain before, plenty of pain (icy-blue fire roasting the skin off his face—spiral fracture from callused hands twisting his arm behind his back—cold, aching muscles after what he thinks is the fifth hour spent locked in a closet), but he’d never known hunger. Hunger was a different kind of beast, one that would chew the kid up and spit him out and leave him broken if you didn’t take him under your wing, so you did.

It wasn’t like you had much of anything to spare, but you made it work. For a few years. He didn’t talk at first, but he took what you gave him, so you gave him what you could: food, if you had it; a place to sleep at night; the knowledge you’d gathered in your own years as a runaway on how he was supposed to survive in a world that didn’t care whether he lived or rotted away in a gutter. You cared.

Until you didn’t.

‘Going to be traveling alone for a while. Don’t wait for me. I’m sorry,’ your note had read. You left it in his backpack along with $43 in cash—not much, but he knew it was more than you could afford. It was all you had.

And now you have all of this! Don’t you feel lucky? You have the rich husband who barely looks at you, the big house with so many empty unused rooms it makes him sick, more food than you could possibly eat in one lifetime. All of that, and you also have Dabi’s semen leaking out of your cunt. It’s a real rags-to-riches story, he thinks.

Dabi picks a cigarette out of his jacket and you stop fixing up the buttons on your dress to ask him not to light it inside. How will you explain the smell to your husband? Every move you make, every syllable that comes out of your mouth, is weighed down by despair. You look like you’ve been beaten.

He lights the cigarette anyway.

///

Before he had you the first time, Dabi thought once would be enough. Pretty naive, huh?

He makes it his mission to fuck you in every room of your husband’s gluttonously enormous mansion (what with your history Dabi has a hard time thinking of the house as yours, and considering the way you tiptoe around and seem like you’re afraid to move so much as a vase, he suspects you feel the same). There’s a lot of rooms.

When he shows up at your door again you don’t even bother to hear him out, instead just trying to shut it on him, but he forces his way in. You wouldn’t want to make him mad, would you? Not when he’s got such a filthy secret hanging over your head? Will your husband keep paying for your designer shopping trips when he knows you’re a street rat who used to steal everything she wore? Will he still kiss you goodnight when Dabi tells him you used to wrap those pretty lips around strangers’ cocks for money?

If you want Dabi to keep quiet, you’re going to have to convince him the best way you know how. A cockwhore is a cockwhore. That’s not the kind of stain you get to wipe away with time and distance and expensive clothing.

In the kitchen: standing up, your back to his front and your hands barely holding you up on the counter, so hard and rough and deep that the dishes are rattling in the pantry. One of your teacups falls out of the glass china cabinet and shatters into a million fragments in a four foot radius over the tiled floor. Neither of you notice until after. Blunt red lines press themselves into the tops of your thighs where he’s shoving your body into the edge of the counter and there are bruises on your tits from how hard he’s groping you.

In the dining room: sitting on the edge of the table, one of your legs hiked up beside you and the other on a chair while Dabi kneels on the ground in front of you, his head between your thighs and his tongue flicking over your pussy. You start off thinking that you’re going to have to sanitize the entire mahogany surface before you can eat off it again and then he licks his lips and sucks on your throbbing clit and you don’t really think about anything else after that.

In your husband’s study: doggy-style on the floor in front of the fireplace, facedown, his body folded over yours, pressing you so deep into the tacky lion-skin rug that you can taste it. He sighs in your ear—actually, you’re not sure if it’s a sigh or a growl—and his hand comes up to cover yours. You feel the metal stitches and the rough burned skin scraping on your own and it reminds you that it’s him. It’s Dabi.

(A few days after his 13th birthday, the Dabi you used to know told you that he was going to dye his hair—he wanted to be unrecognizable, and you understood, so you found some old scissors and stole hair dye from the pharmacy and you spent three long hours chopping his hair into rough spikes and painting it black. When you washed the dye out of his hair in the sink, your hands were stained inky black too. When he saw, he looked worried and weaved his fingers in with yours and asked if the dye would hurt your skin if it stayed on too long.

And you looked back at this kid—small for his age then, burned by his own quirk, trying so hard to look older and tougher than any 13-year-old should have to be, and you thought to yourself, I would die for you.)

Now you hear Dabi growling out your name and squeezing your hand as he reaches his climax and you think, I would kill you if I could.

///

Dabi saves the master bedroom for last.

Your husband is hosting a party at your house. Dabi knows because you begged him not to come today, looking up at him with those doe-like eyes, offering things you never would have offered if it weren’t important to you that he stay away on this particular evening. But he still comes to crash it. He arrives just minutes before your husband does, and you have barely enough time to tuck him away on the dark bedroom balcony and pull the curtains closed before your husband is opening the door and greeting you.

Dabi settles himself into one of the tasteful Adirondack chairs on the balcony and listens to your voice, or at least what he can hear of it through the sliding glass door. You’re sweeter with your husband than you are with Dabi, and he should’ve known you’d be, but it still makes him hate your husband more than he already did.

On the other hand, there’s something strained and high and nervous in the way you’re speaking. Probably because your husband is standing about twenty feet away from the man you’re cheating on him with.

It takes a while for the two of you to dress for the party, but finally Dabi hears you tell your husband that you’d like to take a little longer to get ready and bid him goodbye. “Love you,” you say to the old man as he leaves the room, so casually Dabi might not have heard it if he wasn’t listening.

Then you’re opening the door and ushering him inside and telling him anxiously that he has to get out before anyone sees him. But, oh, you look nice like this, dolled up in your evening gown and makeup and diamonds, trying to pull him to the door even though you must know by now that he’s not going to leave it there. Instead of following, he backs you up onto the bed and peels down the straps of your dress and slides his hands up under the skirt, and all the while he can’t stop thinking about what you said to your husband.

You used to say that to Dabi.

The first time it was an accident—you’d mentioned it off-hand during a night when it was snowing and his unnaturally high body temperature was the only thing keeping the two of you alive. “God, I love you,” you’d said, draping your arm around his shoulders and pulling him in close to share his heat.

It had stunned him and you could probably tell. Maybe the next few times were just you taking pity on a kid who had never been told so casually and so simply that he was loved. But eventually you meant it, the little love you’s before you went to sleep or when one of you went off to do something alone for a few days—a familial love borne of mutual reliance. For the years Dabi was a runaway with you, you were the only person he could trust, and he knows the feeling was mutual.

Now he wants you to tell him you love him again.

It would be hot, wouldn’t it? You telling Dabi you love him while he forces you into a mating press on the bed you share with your husband. Isn’t that hot? You’re never going to be able to sleep on these sheets again without remembering his hands on your body, his tongue in your mouth, his cock filling you in ways you haven’t been filled since you were 19.

How are you gonna lay next to your husband in this sad cold bed? ‘Cause that old fuck isn’t touching you, Dabi knows that much—if he was, he’d’ve noticed by now that you’re always covered in bite marks and hickeys that he didn’t give you. How are you gonna sleep at night knowing what a nasty slut you are, telling another man you love him?

So say it. Say you love him.

Oh, you’re going to be like that, aren’t you? What did he tell you about being a fucking brat when he’s talking to you? See if you’re still so defiant when he’s got his hand stroking the length of that pretty throat and then sealing down on it, squeezing gently on the veins running up the sides of your neck, not too hard, but enough that you’re probably getting a little dizzy while he continues to fuck into you. Does it hurt? Your face is turning pink. Uh-uh-uh, don’t try to pull his hand off, or he’ll show you just how good he is with his quirk these days.

You’re trying to choke out the words but you can’t quite make them make sense. There’s something endearing about the way your whimpers vibrate through the skin of Dabi’s palm, how he can hear you as well as feeling you. Oh—could you say his name too? He knows you’re feeling all fucked-out and wet and sloppy, every moan rising and falling in time with his cock stretching your pussy open, but can’t you give it a little more effort? He’s sure you can get his name out if you really try.

And if you’re not going to cooperate, Dabi may as well just dig the heel of his knuckle into your windpipe, because you really do tighten up so deliciously when you cough and sputter like that. Fuck, if you keep doing that, he’s going to cum, gonna cum right here in your syrupy pussy and spill it all over your marriage bed—but no, he wants to hear you say it first, so when you’re gagging and turning red and your eyes are watering he finally stops choking you, loosening his grip just enough that his hand is resting on your neck in a lover’s touch. It takes you a second and your voice is so hoarse he can barely hear it, but then you’re speaking and something jumps in his chest—

“I…I love—love y-you, Touya!” you sob. “I love you! I—love you, Touya—Touya—Touya—!”

And ah fuck it’s almost exactly right, your voice saying you love him, saying his real name, a name he hasn’t heard for years because you’re the only one who really knows it anymore—but you’re crying, real heavy sobs while you gulp in frantic lungfuls of oxygen. Your ribcage is heaving underneath him and—god, fuck—your guts are clenching, sucking down on every inch of his cock, every vein—

—oh shit fuck fuck he’s cumming, and he presses his face into your neck, into your hair, kissing you and thinking I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you—

—please stay, forever.

///

When he’s done, he goes for another round just to make sure you’re going to have cum dripping down your thighs when you go back to the party. No panties, unless you want him to walk through the grand foyer with all the other guests on his way out.

You don’t look at him as you fix your dress and your hair and wipe at your smeared makeup. With your eyeliner rubbed down to the bottom of your eyes, Dabi’s reminded a little of how you used to look—and the reminder is doubled when you slide your legs across the side of the bed and limp over to your vanity, walking hesitantly, your hips rocking from side to side. Damn, did he fuck you that hard?

Reminds him of the old days, you shuffling back to the hideout with that same awkward pain in your gait, purple marks around your neck, and a dim smile decorating your face—for his sake. Oh, and cash in your pockets. You’d tell him that the two of you were going out to eat that night and refuse to let him look at the injuries. God, it made him angry, it still makes him angry just thinking about it—angry at the men who bought you for treating you like that, angry at you for letting them. Angry at himself for not being old enough or strong enough or rich enough to stop them.

Anger, yes…and other things too. There had been a sick, insidious part of him that wanted to be in their position. He’d hated himself for it back then, until you left and the desire to punish you for abandoning him got twisted up with the desire to own you and keep you his. Maybe if he let himself think about it, he’d still hate himself for what he’s doing to you.

By now, you’re too good at covering up the bruises. A sweep of foundation and powder passes over each hickey he left on your throat and it’s like he never touched you. You have to push him off the bed so you can strip the sheets and replace them. When you’re done, you tell him to wait a few minutes after you leave to sneak out the back and he makes another half-joke about joining the party and introducing himself to your old man—

—and you shove him up against the wall with all the strength left in you, wrap your hand around his neck, and dig your fingernails under the line of piercings in his cheek. If he even looks at your husband, if he even thinks about it, you’ll rip his goddamn face open, you tell him in a low snarl.

It’s an empty threat (you and he both know who would win in a physical altercation) but there’s real hatred behind it. Dabi hasn’t seen that kind of fire in your eyes since he found out you became a trophy wife. It makes him want to have you again so he does, pulling your arms away from his face, standing and holding you up against the door to your bedroom, forcing you to wrap your arms around his neck and cling to him to keep from falling.

He’s lubed up by his own cum, and the wet squelching of your pussy just reminds him what a mess you’re going to be when you return to high society tonight. Maybe your husband will be able to smell it on you—the cum, the sex, the other man who’s been keeping his darling wife warm while he’s at work.

Well, probably not. If that stupid fucking cuckold hasn’t figured it out by now, there’s not much of a chance he’ll get it on his own. As Dabi sinks into your tight, gummy cunt again, he decides that he might just have to help the process along. A man deserves to know if his wife is being unfaithful, right?

///

Your husband’s office phone number is written on a post-it note that’s tacked to the desk of his study. It takes Dabi 40 minutes and $30 to buy a burner cell phone, leave a message on the man’s voicemail, and toss the burner in the kitchen trash at your house while you’re in the shower.

The message is short and straightforward. Dabi introduces himself as ‘the man who’s sleeping with your wife’, describes the floor plan of your husband’s house and what position he fucked you in for each room, and finally finishes it off with the evidence—the precise size and location of every hickey he’s left on your body that will still be visible by the time your husband returns from work.

Dabi almost wishes your husband had picked up the call—he’d’ve had a good time explaining in pornographic detail the way your tits look under those too-formal dresses, the way you moan when you cum in his mouth, the way you told him you loved him while he choked you out—with your husband in the house, no less. But this is fine too.

Besides, it’ll be so fucking funny if someone else at your husband’s company hears the message before he does.

///

Whore. Your husband called you a whore.

You’ve been called a whore a lot, actually. More than most people. You should be used to it by now. But it’s different when your husband says it. Your husband, the man who rescued you from a life of poverty and starvation, the man who has given you everything you own, the man who slid a ring onto your finger under a wedding arch and promised to love you in good times and in bad. The man you’ve almost convinced yourself you love back.

He called you a whore and slapped you when you tried to explain yourself and shoved you out the door and locked it. You can still hear his voice telling you the only place he wants to see your face again is in a casket.

So that’s why when Dabi comes to collect you, you’re hugging your knees to your chest on your front porch in your shiny lace-edged slip nightdress, hair in a mess around your head and your lip bleeding onto your chin. Your feet are so cold—your husband didn’t even give you time to put shoes on before he threw you out.

The night is cool and dark but the porch light buzzes on for half a minute when Dabi climbs up the steps to come crouch next to you on the doorstep. You try not to look at him, but he tilts your face toward his, electric-blue eyes skimming over the red mark and blue-black discoloration blossoming across your cheekbone; the blood drying on your split lip.

Dabi asks calmly if your husband hit you, and you nod.

Good, he tells you, and his body lights up blue in a roiling cloud of flames. He’s been waiting for an excuse to kill that old fuck.

The fire is like lightning, bright and ghostly in the darkness. The crackling of the flame eats away at the heavy silence of the night and you crawl back from the dry heat of it, sure you can feel your eyebrows singeing from being near. Dabi looks different backed by the inferno—bigger, crueler. Frightening. He reaches at the door but you shout at him to stop.

Why? Don’t you think he should suffer, after what he did to you?

But your fists clench by your sides and you set your teeth and you tell Dabi that if he’s going to kill your husband, he may as well set himself on fire too, because it’s his fault in the first place. And he’s done a lot worse to you than one slap.

Dabi waits a moment, searching your alarmed expression for something, but whatever he’s hoping for you don’t give him and the flames go out. The air smells like smoke and his hands are hot—not burning, but uncomfortably hot—when he kneels in front of you and rubs a thumb over your bruised cheek.

“(Y/N)—” Dabi starts, and then he can’t find a way to finish. So he just gathers you up in his arms and carries you bridal-style down into the lawn and to the driveway, where he’s got a car waiting to take you guys back to his place. You don’t resist, which surprises him again. He thought you’d push away at him, scream, get angry—he thought he’d have to convince you. Or force you, like he usually does. But you just let him deposit you in the seat next to the driver’s.

Before he gets in, he asks you if you need anything from your house. He can go get it for you. See if any balding motherfucker in his forties can stop him. But you just shake your head.

“There’s nothing,” you say blankly. “I have nothing. I…have nothing.”

Just like back then.

“Not nothing,” Dabi tells you, turning forward to the road so you can’t see the look on his face. “You have me.”

///

In the end, he does understand. He understood it the second he held that goodbye note in his hands and knew you were lost to him.

You were 17 when you met him and 19 when you left—hardly older than a child yourself. You barely had enough to provide for your own needs, much less a teenage boy’s. By the time you left, Dabi was more than capable of surviving on his own and already falling into ugly crowds, gangs and syndicates who saw money in his quirk, people you’d sacrificed a lot to keep him away from. He no longer needed you, and it was time for you two to go your separate ways. Dabi understands that.

But now you need him. Just like you needed him when you were fucking strangers for food money; like you needed him when you ran away; like you needed him when you got trapped in this mundane, sparkling-clean life, a life that was never going to fit you. Only this time—this time, Dabi’s old enough for you. He’s not a kid anymore, he’s a man. He’s got an apartment and a good job (well, kind of) and he’s got money. He can provide for you the way you’ve always needed him to.

Dabi’s going to take care of you, and you’re never, ever going to leave.

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citowon · 3 years

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Beware of Dog 🍒 Taichi Nanao

c4tb0y0: Ahhhhh that last masumi fic + hc was so cute and funny! I loved it so much, could I please request hcs for taichi with a gn!s/o who looks very intimidating on the outside but really they are a big softie anyways please have a nice day, eat + drink lots and please stay safe! <3

WAAAAAH ya girl just got slammed with 4 essays due this week. it’s why i’m actually writing this at 5:24 am right now, actually, i really wanted to get my ideas out for this one and get it queued so i can concentrate on my work! thank you for your patience. this reader’s personality is one of my favorites that i’ve written, and i hope you enjoy this total sweetheart and everything they fight for. 🌟

not to be one of Those Bitches™ but i love water- i don’t drink soda, only coffee when i need the rush, and juice and lemonade as a treat. please make sure to drink at least one glass of water per meal everyone! ...though i will admit i’ve only eaten one meal today, i think, i lost count. and because these essays are rocking my shit and i wanted to get beware of dog up today i’m not sleeping tonight and i’ll just take a phat nap after class and i have to type quietly so i don’t wake up my light sleeper roommate... i’m getting off topic. sleepy wave is a little silly sometimes. a lot of times, really. please enjoy yourself.

word count: 9154

tags: fic, gender neutral reader, fluff, hurt/comfort, i wouldn’t call it angst but yeah, there’s a bit of angst in there, cursing, physical violence (no weapons fistfight)

summary: As your relationship with Taichi deepens, you would go through hell and high water to protect the ones you care about, and the feeling is mutual.

Sakyo should’ve known something was wrong the second he saw Nanao on his phone.

Nanao was a lot of things; young, brash, excitable, but never inattentive. Ever since the first tech rehearsal of The Stranger, he never picked up his phone, even with all its vibrating. He said something about “getting into the zone,” and Sakyo respected his choice to avoid the distraction. Sakyo has never seen Nanao even considering going back on his word after over a year of productions in Autumn Troupe, which was something to be admired, especially with how flighty he could be off the stage.

He was so used to every other actor checking their phone, though, that when Nanao picked it up today thirty minutes before the curtain rose on Fiery Mantou Fist, he didn’t even bat an eye. Nanao’s eyebrows were furrowed together as he took a giant, puffy-cheeked breath and typed something in determination.

Then Sakyo carried on without a second thought. What, was he supposed to do something? He was a grown-ass man; it wasn’t his responsibility to psychoanalyze everyone he passed by. All he wanted to do was set the Mantou Fist scroll prop before the show. Sue him, he was focused on the wellbeing of the play.

And Nanao was in the right headspace as well during the show, but right after he thanked everyone who congratulated him, he sped through his post-show routine and went back to his phone, which is how Sakyo made the connection and put two and two together.

He loomed over Taichi’s shoulder, the younger actor still typing away with full attention on the screen. Sakyo spoke up. “Oi.”

“AAAAHHHH!”

Sakyo lurched back, ears ringing from the scream. Damn. Maybe Bon was onto something whenever he called Sakyo an old geezer; one more screech like that and his hearing would go out. Then he really was done for, and as much as the Director made him want to play for keeps, this would be one bet he’d have to tap out on.

“It’s not what you think! I promise! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m-” Nanao swiveled in his chair, his face aghast and eyes riddled with fear, until he wasn’t. He blinked and his face reset, glancing at Sakyo with boyish, though minimal, guilt. “Oh, sorry, Sakyo! I didn’t see you there. Did you need something?”

Sakyo pinched his nose. His ears were still ringing. This was even worse than the last time someone fired a gun point blank next to him (don’t ask). “What… was that? Is something wrong?”

“I get scared easily. Sorry! I was just about to go outside, actually.”

“...Right.” Sakyo’s brain was so scrambled, even his common sense eluded him. “Don’t be out too late.”

“I won’t! I’ll be back before you know it!”

Sakyo just watched him leave as he pieced his thoughts back together.

Settsu piped up during the stunned silence. “Hey, Sakyo, real quick question. What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know,” he said lamely. “Do you think he’s in trouble?”

“He seemed out of it,” Hyodo chimed in. “He looked… worried?”

“If you’re not sure, then keep your mouth shut.”

“Like you would know.”

“I sure would! I’m great at reading people.”

As Settsu and Hyodo continued to bicker- really, it was only a matter of time before they started- Azami spoke up. “Well, I’m concerned. He looked like he was about to shit himself.”

“Maybe he is in trouble,” Fushimi wondered aloud.

That was all it took for Sakyo to get his head back in working order. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuuuuuuck.

He got complacent. Even after Azami’s abduction, he got complacent. Nanao was a good kid, and athletic enough to keep up with Autumn Troupe with ease, but he was small, and honestly, a little stupid. Of course he would be the glowing neon target on Autumn.

Was someone trying to fuck with Mankai again? Worst case scenarios drove through his mind. Nanao being blackmailed. Nanao in a street deal. Nanao as leverage- fuuuuck. What if an enemy family figured out the connections between Ginsenkai and Mankai? Taichi was a member close to Sakyo and the least capable in a fight. What if this was a ploy to start a gang war?

This needed to stop. This needed to stop before it even started.

Sakyo turned on his heel, voice unemotive but blood boiling. “I’m going to follow him.”

“Call me if anything’s wrong. I’ll check on him,” Fushimi called out.

Oh, if only something was just simply wrong.

Sakyo wished something was just simply wrong.

He cased the joint branching out- and found him in an alley relatively close to the perimeter. This was good news. Staying close to home turf meant he only needed to grab Taichi, sprint back to the theater, and then the abductors wouldn’t dare try entering and exposing their identity unless they were real stupid.

He clung to the wall, watching the interaction out of the corner of his eye. Taichi’s hair made him stick out like a sore thumb, but in front of him, someone virtually unnoticeable. Average.

So why did they carry themselves like a wolf with its claws wrapped around a deer?

Young. Young like Taichi, but their presence was so much bigger. Their face tightened into sharp features sculpted by the shadows of the alley. Taichi stared up at them in reverence.

Not flighty enough to be a thief, not charismatic enough to be a scammer. Yakuza, probably. Fresh meat. Too hopped up on the movies to realize it’s not all blood, guns and girls. No self-respecting seasoned family member would pull a stunt like this right next to the theater. Dumbass didn’t even know how to carry out an abduction.

Whispering. Sharp enough to register, quiet enough to be indecipherable. The mini-gangster stepped closer to Taichi. When they approached Taichi shivered and Sakyo saw red.

Time to intervene. Sakyo crossed his arms as he strode to the opening of the alley. “You got a problem with our man?”

“Sakyo-”

But they stepped forward before Taichi could call out his name, and held a dark-sleeved arm out to block him. “The fuck do you want?”

“I could ask you the same thing. Let him go.”

The corner of their mouth rose, flashing bared fangs. “Better idea, you turn around and forget you ever saw us.”

Sakyo rolled up his sleeves. “You wanna see yourself bleed?!”

“Bring it! I’m not letting him get hurt-”

“Stop!” Taichi yelled with his whole body. He sprinted forward, past the abductor and between the two. “Please don’t fight! Stop!”

“Outta the way before you get hurt!”

“Let me handle this myself!”

Despite their protests Taichi grabbed a hand from either person and smacked them together, forcing them into a handshake. “Sakyo! This is Reader! They’re the one I’ve been talking about!”

The gangster- Reader’s- hand went from tight fist to loose. Sakyo watched their stone-cold exterior fall to just plain dumbfoundedness.

Which was perfectly understandable, mind you. Sakyo opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to figure out something to say.

So Taichi just threw his hands in the air in a half-hearted razzle-dazzle move. “Suuurprise?”

Sakyo settled on, “It’s a… pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise?” Reader limply shook his hand. ”I’ve seen your shows. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you. You look a lot paler in person.”

“People look different under stage lighting.”

“Sorry. My bad. Sorry.”

Reader hadn’t broken the handshake yet.

“I heard a lot about you from Nanao,” Sakyo said. “I hope you’re taking care of him. For your sake.”

“Sakyo, please don’t threaten my partner,” Nanao whined.

Reader nervously laughed. What a contrast to their demeanor. “It’s understandable. I’ve also heard about Autumn Troupe. Thank you for taking care of him.”

“You’re welcome.”

Reader still held Sakyo’s hand in theirs, but didn’t even bother to continue shaking. This had to be one of the worst alleyway confrontations Sakyo’s ever had in his career.

Nanao scratched the back of his head and turned to the other actor. “Are they looking for me?”

“Not once I get back.”

“Okay, cool. You see, I was actually in the middle of something…”

Actually, make that the worst alleyway confrontation Sakyo’s ever had in his career. Forget mortified, Sakyo felt just plain gross. Reader covered their face with their hands.

“I’ll just tell them you’re fine,” he said, then reconsidered. “You are fine, right?”

“Yes! Oh my god. Totally fine, I swear.”

“I’ll take my leave then.” Sakyo toyed with his glasses. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Reader.”

“Likewise,” Reader mumbled.

“I’ll be back soon, Sakyo.”

“...Bye.”

Sakyo couldn’t walk away fast enough.

“Haha.”

Taichi stared off into the brick wall behind him and couldn’t help but awkwardly laugh. “Hahaha. Sorry. I didn’t expect you to meet Sakyo like that…”

“It’s-it’s fine. He was going to meet me sooner or later…”

But that really had to be one of the worst ways to go about it, wasn’t it?

“He’s a good guy. Really! I know he seems scary. It’s because he is. He’s actually really scary. But only when he wants to be! Which is often, but that isn’t the point. He’s just... looking out for me.”

His gaze darted to you, teal eyes full of worry. You reached for his face and kissed him on the lips.

“I know,” you said, voice stuttering. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I… I just d-didn’t expect it. That’s all. Really.”

“I didn’t expect that either!”

“Yeah, I didn’t either.”

“No, not the Sakyo thing, I mean the… the thing that...” Taichi waved his hands around, trying to figure out the word. But it never came to him, so he just decided to wrap an arm around your neck, lead you closer, and kiss you back.

This boy really was going to be the death of you, huh?

When he pulled back, his smile was genuine. Small and sweet, cheeks flush and light with a sigh that soon escaped him. Oh, the things you would do to never let that smile falter. You’ve been dating for some time now, but the feeling’s always been there, flighty in the beginning, but easing into a comfortable, mutual love.

So you held him tight in your arms and said what was on your mind: “I love you.”

His head tilted to perch on your shoulder, and the arm that was already around your body rested along your neck. “I love you too.”

Oh, what you wouldn’t do to protect that love.

Ding-dong!

Your hand retreated the second the doorbell rang, and your mind ran through every hot romance tip you skimmed over back when you and Taichi first started dating. Your relationship started with two inexperienced people relying on teen magazines and dating advice sites, but it was awkward, and soon abandoned for the comfort of your prior friendship, but like, with kissing and flirting and stuff. Affection was casual and easily earned, and Taichi’s antics taught you long ago that you didn’t have to be composed in front of him; he loved you all the same.

But, well, this visit wasn’t exactly for Taichi’s eyes only.

Noise echoed through Mankai Company. You could hear shouts and conversations resonating through the halls and leading outside- not exactly enough to earn a noise violation, but at that volume where you know the neighbors have considered it.

Chest out, back straight, don’t fidget and don’t slouch. Taichi always insisted on escorting you home after a date, but you’ve never returned the favor. ‘It’s like meeting the parents,’ he said once on a coffee date, flustered and staring into his latte. ‘I’m sure you’ll meet them some day! But let’s not do that now!’

That was a few months ago. He requested you meet him at the dorms so he could escort you to a bowling alley arcade, but it was about the same distance from the dorms as it was to your house. Does that mean he wanted to show you off to his troupe? Does that mean he loves you? You knew that, you’ve exchanged the words with him countless times before, but is there another degree above just love? Did something shift in your relationship, and was it for the better or a step back? Did you mess up something? You hoped not. You really didn’t want to mess up with Taichi. You didn’t want to mess up in general, really, but not with Taichi, anyone but Taichi.

No one opened the door yet. You should ring the bell again.

Ding-dong!

“COMING!”

That was… decidedly not Taichi. You could hear heavy clunking against the wood floor as someone approached the door. Was the floor always that loud? Maybe these dorms were older than you thought.

“Mankai Company!” The door swung open. “Do you need…”

You stared down at a head of green hair. His chin rose as he met the eyes of an absolute beast of a person towering over him, stiff as a board and frightening as frozen hell, even with the little bouquet of flowers in their arms.

He squeezed his lips together before he finished the thought. “Do you need something?”

“I’m looking for Taichi.”

“The dumb dog?”

Ouch. You winced for Taichi. You noticed the teen in the threshold tremble, and held back a huff. Great work, Reader, you already scared one of the actors Taichi lived with before you even got his name.

He forced a stiff upper lip. “I’ll get him.”

Then he turned on his high heel- high heels indoors? Now that was extra- and shut the door. You watched him briskly walk through the window until he was out of view.

Well, you already blew it! Might as well relax.

You told yourself that, but while your body rested, your head was anything but relaxed. What if that guy was Taichi’s best friend in the whole entire company and you lost his approval just then? You didn’t want him to choose between his best friend and his partner. You’d feel awful if he had to.

You sighed, and looked down at the pansy bouquet in your arms for comfort. It was less of a bouquet and more of a bundle, with small blooms and no filler flowers, but the petals varied from bold white to crisp blue. You didn't know if Taichi had a favorite variety, but these were the brightest of the bunch, and Taichi deserved flowers as beautiful as him.

The door opened once more, and you straightened up, but dropped your gaze to meet the eyes of the boy that you scared off, or maybe even your boyfriend. After all, they were both small enough you had to lower your neck to make eye contact with them.

Instead you were greeted by a tight white shirt outlining absolutely shredded abs. You cast your eyes up and nearly balked at the glaring face that looked up at you. The man was six feet of pure muscle, still not tall enough to look down on you, but massive enough to overpower you. His stare was downright ghastly, only accentuated by the smear of black grease on his cheek, and under his fingernails, and… pretty much everywhere, actually. He smelled like smoke, sweat, and oil.

He scrunched up his nose. You felt a shiver run down your spine. “You got beef with Taichi?”

“No! No beef!” You nearly dropped your flowers, but forced yourself to be strong. “I’m here to pick him up.”

You scowled, hoping it would be enough to get this guy to step down. He scowled back. Great, now you were starting to understand what it was like to be on the receiving end of an intimidating face. You wanted to cry.

“For what?” Big Guy said. His voice was low like rolling thunder.

“A date.” You crossed your arms, growing defensive. “He told me to meet him here-”

“You’re Reader?”

“You know me?”

Big Guy averted his eyes. Was he embarrassed? “I’ve heard your name.”

“Oh. I’m his partner. How’d you know my name? Does he talk about me?”

“Uh…”

Sakyo walked back into the dressing room. They had already struck the Mantou Fist set, and in the corner all their costumes were neatly hung up on a rolling rack.

Fushimi practically pounced on him the second he entered the room. “You didn’t call me back. Is Taichi okay?”

“Settle down, Fushimi. He’s fine,” Sakyo said.

“What happened?”

Maybe in another world, he would’ve been more sympathetic. Had it been earlier, certainly, he’d try to cover for Nanao. But it was late and Sakyo was tired and Bon was going to throw a fit about wrinkles if he didn’t get his beauty rest anytime soon.

“He’s busy. He needed privacy with Reader.”

No one really broke the pregnant pause that came after. On one hand, good thing he was safe, but on the other...

“Good for him,” Settsu finally said, surprisingly quiet, like he just wanted to gloss over that fact. The others matched his volume.

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, good for him.”

“Gross, you’re a voyeur. Barf.”

“...Yeah,” Big Guy finally said.

“Huh.”

“Come in.”

“Okay.”

That’s how you found yourself sitting in the Mankai Company lounge across Big Guy, who fetched High Heels along the way, the latter incoming with a pot of tea and cups.

“I’m Reader,” you said. Someone had to start the conversation, after all. You weren’t good at it, but it was a start.

“I know,” Big Guy said.

“I didn’t. Why didn’t you lead with that?” High Heels placed one of the cups in front of you, steam rising out from the ceramic. “I wouldn’t have gotten Juza to shoo you away if I knew you were the dumb dog’s partner.”

“Sorry.” You gently placed your pansies on the table, careful not to crush any of the petals, and wrapped your hands around the cup. “Wait, I was being shooed?”

Juza raised his hand to apologize. “Yuki thought that if someone tough like me greeted you, you wouldn’t hurt Taichi.”

“But I don’t want to hurt Taichi,” you said, crestfallen. You grew up tall, big and menacing, and you knew what a mysterious (read; shy) demeanor did to already established rumors, but still, you were taken aback. “I wouldn’t even think about it.”

Yuki poured Juza some tea. “We had a scare a few months ago. Sakyo said he thought the dog got caught up in a yakuza affair. Alleyway abduction or something.”

“Was it during Mantou Fist’s run?”

Juza and Yuki traded a knowing look. The former nodded.

“That was me.” You stared at your tea. “I just wanted to say hello and congratulate him. Sorry. Everyone thinks I’m a gangster, but I’m not. I promise. I’m not a bully or a punk either. I don’t do hard drugs, and I definitely don’t deal them either. Oh, on that subject, I don’t drink. I’m not a criminal, and I don’t pickpocket-”

“Do people really think that of you?”

“Yeah,” you said, and you stared at Juza when he said it in sync with you. “You too?”

“I still get punks tryin’ to pick a fight with me.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

He waved a hand. “It happens.”

...To people with unfairly scary faces, sure, but that still didn’t mean he deserved to get caught up in fights!

Yuki sipped his drink. “For the record, If Juza has that reputation but acts like a sloth all day, then you’re probably okay with me. I don’t care about your image.”

“That’s good. I thought I scared you earlier.”

“I was not. Scared. Got it?” Yuki gave you a murderous glare that made you sink in your seat, but his ears were red. “The point is, Taichi really likes you. So unless you screw up real bad, you’re fine in my book.”

“But if you try to hurt him, you’re gonna have to go through us,” Juza said.

You and Juza were kindred spirits, you could already tell, and both suffered from being too naturally intimidating for your own good, but jeez. The way he leered at you when he said that made you feel like you were doomed to a Mankai firing squad execution if you ever made a misstep.

“Trust me. Whatever you think he’ll do, I’ll make it worse,” Yuki threatened. The dryness in his voice made Juza look like a Pomeranian.

“Okay,” you whimpered. “I will not do that. I will literally do anything but that.”

“Good.” The corners of Yuki’s mouth turned into a smile, but the way he said it made it so much more chilling.

“...Stop hazing Taichi’s partner.”

“Guhwuh,” you squawked.

Look. It wasn’t exactly a fine moment. You know this, and you aren’t ashamed to say you were scared, because really, who wouldn’t be when a strange new voice calls out from behind you and you turn around and literally not even a foot away is some rando with snowy white hair over one eye like a 2005 emo kid that somehow managed to sneak up on you despite being on edge this entire time and also up against a wall?

You digress.

“We’re just having a chat. The dumb dog said he’ll be downstairs in two minutes.”

“That’s fair. I was kind of early anyways, so it’s only natural he’s not ready yet…”

You trailed off, but the man continued. “He’s happy, Reader. He always is but he’s truly happy he met you. Don’t disappoint him.”

Juza may be a Pomeranian, and Yuki made your blood run cold, and it might’ve just been because of how caught off-guard you were, but this guy just won an Academy Award for Scariest Shovel Talk.

Then he had the audacity to yawn (rather cutely, you might add) and drink the rest of Juza’s untouched tea. “...Juza, how’s your bike?”

“Omi said there was a problem with the tank, but it’s a simple fix once he gets a replacement part. Tasuku’s driving to find a store that sells them right now.”

“How long has he been out?”

“Since noon?”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah. But he’s determined. Says he really wants to get this done today.”

“And Omi?”

“Trying to plug the leak.”

“That’s good.”

“Why?”

“There’s no one to stop me if I do this.”

You were about to ask what ‘this’ was when the man stuck out a half-hearted peace sign, shut his visible eye, and fell backwards. You jumped out of your seat to help him, but his back arched over the sofa and sent him somersaulting over the sofa, and he landed face-down perpendicular to the cushions.

You were speechless. “What the- oh my god. What just happened? Is he okay?!”

“It happens.” Yuki waved a hand dismissively.

“But- but he just-”

“It happens,” Juza repeated. “Hisoka does that a lot.”

“I- wh- um.” The man, Hisoka, let out a giant snore. You slowly sunk back into your seat. “...Okay.”

“Are these for the dog?” Yuki asked.

You shifted your gaze to where Yuki’s clear-coated fingernail was pointing. It was your flowers. “Um! Yeah! They are! I garden, you see, a lot really, it’s my hobby. But I’m not very good at it. They aren’t that pretty. I didn’t do a good job of fertilizing them last time I planted. You can see blemishes on this petal. And this one, too.”

“They’re his favorite flowers, you know,” Yuki said.

“Um, yeah.” You calmed yourself after your nervous rambling. “Yeah, I know.”

“Do you have any other varieties in your garden?”

“Yes! Yes, actually. I- um, he loves them, you know, so when we started… you know, being serious, I really got into pansies? Since he likes them. So I just have a lot of them now. Just a lot. My garden’s a good size so I still have a lot of diversity between plants but I have a lot of pansies. I kind of collect different species of pansies now. I’m trying to get some black devils. They’re purely black, but they have a little yellow spot in the middle. Kind of weird but in a pretty way. They don’t sell them in local nurseries since they’re so weird, even though I think they’re cool. Oh, but I have almost every other color though. But only with the black blotch in the center. Makes them look really stark and pop-arty compared to all my other flowers. The ones without the blotch are nice, too, but they just look so plain. I like raising flowers that most people think are too, oough, it’s ‘out there,’ you know? It’s like Bob Ross. Get a little crazy with it, haha. My hot pink pansies always bloom a little late compared to the others, so they’re still budding. But the others are coming along nicely. You kind of have to have yellow pansies, right? They’re a classic. I’m a really nontraditional gardener but yellow pansies are just a must. But I also have burgundy. They’re really unique and kind of tiding me over while I search for black ones. I’ve got two different purples, too. One of them is really dark, like, royal purple, but the other is lavender? Like, not lavender lavender, that’s a whole other plant, but like, the same color, lavender. Oh, and I really love these multicolored ones I have, they’re kind of a burnt red but the further away you get from the center they turn yellow. It’s so cool. They look like fire.”

“You should show him the fire flowers,” Juza said. To be honest, you really spaced out there, and totally didn’t expect either of the actors to listen to you, but sure enough, they seemed interested enough. Even if Juza made your prized plants sound like Super Mario power-ups. “He likes them.”

“You think so? That’s really convenient actually. They aren’t in full bloom yet but they will be soon.”

Juza nodded. “Taichi’ll like ‘em.”

“I’ll like what?”

“Seriously, what is up with people sneaking up on me today,” you half-hissed, half-squeaked.

“Sorry, Reader!” Taichi wrapped his arms around you in a back hug. You couldn’t resist the warm smile that spread across your face. “Yuki, Juza, have you met Reader yet? We’re dating.”

Yuki scoffed. “We’ve already introduced ourselves, made plans to go out for brunch every day of the week, and shared all our embarrassing stories about you.”

“Yuuukiiiii. Don’t make me look uncool in front of my partner. We’re dating.”

“You just love saying that, don’t you.”

“Of course I do! We’re dating!” Taichi spun on his heel to approach Yuki and clapped either of his hands on his shoulders. Yuki smacked them off and dusted off his blouse. “This is Yuki! He’s super cute and younger than me but he’s my mentor! I help him sew all of our costumes!”

“You saying cute people can’t master their craft, intern?” Yuki said, the humorous lilt in his voice betraying the sharpness of his words.

He slid beside Juza next. “And this is Juza! He’s a total man’s man! He’s everything I want to be when I grow up!”

“Hey,” Juza said, like he hadn’t just spent the last ten minutes talking to you. Then he pushed Taichi away. “Don’t get close to me. I smell like a garage gym.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, buddy!” Taichi snapped and finger-gunned in one smooth motion, then held out a hand for you. “See you guys! I’ve got places to be with Reader! We’re dating!”

You took his hand, and he led you out of the lounge. “It was nice meeting you two.”

“Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and get out, I don’t like rom-coms,” Yuki teased.

“Have a good time,” Juza said.

“Gsnrk,” Hisoka snored.

Metal met soft earth, and cracked the layer above it.

Your shovel was firmly planted in the dirt, but you kicked your boot along the edge to really sink it in, and heft some soil out of the ground.

Wheeew. Your backyard looked like a flower prairie in a neighborhood pocket, with cobblestone pathways to traverse between flowers, fruits and veggies, and- you know you might be biased here- it really was one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen. But man, keeping the yard in tip-top shape was hard work.

You rolled your shoulders and stretched, taking in the not-too-searing sun. It was late morning, and you really wanted to get things done before the day grew much longer and you had an afternoon sun beating down on you as you worked. It would be best for Taichi, too.

You’re not totally sure why he was so interested in helping you garden. Not even thirty minutes after he arrived, he already threw his shirt off to cool down, and was currently inside the house so he could make you some lemonade. He said it was so digging wasn’t as much of a chore to you, and joked about something like ‘being a malewife,’ but you were pretty sure he just needed a moment to recollect himself in the air-conditioned home.

Well, no matter, these cherry tomatoes weren’t going to plant themselves. You brushed your hand over your forehead, wiping off the sweat that pooled along it, and shook your head to flick back your damp hair. As you pushed it back, you noticed Taichi standing smack dab in front of the door, a tray with glasses and a pitcher of lemonade in his hands.

“Hey!” You waved at him. The shovel was still set under the earth by your boot. “I’m gonna take a break. Let’s chill out for a second.”

He nodded, and you led him to one of your favorite places in the garden: the trellis bench. It seemed sparse when you first bought it, forged with thin cast iron bars that kept two seated and not much else, and a sweeping arch above the bench fortified with extra iron bars. Not that long ago, your parents once dragged you along to a winery. You couldn’t drink any of the wines, but you explored the vineyards instead, and were greeted by pergolas everywhere, with curls of grapevines along the wooden shaft. They inspired you to start your own little grapevine, and now, your grapes had already gone through two or three harvests as they tangled and twisted through the bars of the trellis. Right now, there were a few tendrils of flowering buds, but you could see the beginnings of grape bunches along the vine and metal, bright green and small.

And, as mentioned earlier, the bench kept two seated and not much else. You slid a nearby iron table by the bench, and gestured to Taichi to place the tray down. He did so.

When you sat you brushed against Taichi’s thigh, and huffed out a sigh. “I work out here all the time but I keep forgetting how easy it is to get winded.”

“Yeah,” Taichi said. He took a big gulp of lemonade.

“Tough work, right? It’s really not as fun as it looks. You know you don’t have to garden with me. I’m sure it’s not much of a fun date idea, and I’m kind of gross right now but if you just want to hang out inside-”

“Nope! It’s fine! I’m totally fine!” He finished the lemonade and immediately started pouring himself another serving. “I can handle it! Yep! No issues here!”

Your eyes lowered as you looked down at a cobblestone path and the greenery rising from between the cracks. “Okay. But you’d tell me if you don’t like it, okay? You’re really quiet today.”

“D-don’t worry about it! It’s not that important...”

“But you know me. I’m horrible at not worrying.” You held the hand resting in his lap. “Whatever it is, I’ll help you through it. I promise I won’t judge you, and if you just need to talk about it, I’m available too-”

Taichi blurted out, “It’s because you’re hot.”

Whatever you were thinking, it dissolved into nothing as your mind went blank. Taichi slapped a hand over his mouth and averted his eyes. You stared at the ground harder.

“I’m what?” You finally asked, still in disbelief.

Taichi’s voice was muffled through his hand. “‘S b’cus mure hot.”

HUH??? You thought.

“Huh?” You said.

“You're hot! I’m sorry!”

Your face blossomed bright red. “Th-th-thank you? I- um? Thanks? Er, why are you apologizing? Did I do something wrong-“

“No! No! You’re fine. It’s me. That was weird, I’m sorry-“

“It’s alright, I’m…” you smacked your mouth, hoping the dryness would fade and you’d make a coherent sentence. “…Just taken aback?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That was really out of line-“

“It’s okay? I’m not against it. I’ve just never… thought of myself as…” You cleared your throat. “No one’s ever told me that.”

“But you are.”

“I mean, not really. Not compared to other people.”

“Really? Never? Reader-“ Taichi grabbed your hand with both of his. “Reader, you definitely are.”

“But I scare everyone I meet.”

“But you’re the sweetest person I know.” He squeezed your hand. Your heart jumped. “You’re so pretty. I love you.”

You turned to face him, your head still spinning. “You’re serious? You really mean that?”

“I mean it.” He closed the distance and pressed a kiss to your hair. “I love you.”

Another on your forehead. “I love you!”

Nose. “I-“

Cheek. “Love-“

And Taichi held your warm face in his hand with an even warmer smile, and the last word, your name, on his tongue until you took it from him with lemon on your lips.

You were no good with words, but touch made it easier. Your hand trailed along his shoulder, barely hovering over bare skin brushing, shiny and sticky under the sun. Quiet support; I trust you. His lips moved in tandem with yours, soft and fond and appreciative. Tart, but traces of sugar clung to his breath. Poetic, hm? He was sweet on you, so open to everything that made you his Reader from your flaws to your strengths, and the type of person to welcome those attributes without question.

You took his bottom lip between yours and gently nibbled as he ran his hand through your hair and brought you closer. You continued wrapping around his lip and his hand tightened, clutching onto you like you were all he needed, and you fell in love all over again. I couldn’t have done it without you.

When you ran out of breath, you rested your forehead against his, eyes still closed.

“Thank you,” you whispered, so light and quiet, like simply speaking would break the calm. “Thank you for letting me love you.”

It’s late when you leave the karaoke club, red-faced with exertion and your hoarse voice begging you to stop, but your smile stretches to either side of your face, constantly trying to widen more than it can as you laugh.

Because it’s late, and karaoke gets you in a devil-may-care state of mind, and, well, Taichi is holding your hand, with your palm untouched but his fingers laced between yours, loose between the knuckles but refusing to break away.

It’s so amazing that he still makes you feel like this. Time has passed. The novelty of a relationship must’ve died down long ago, you’re sure of it now, and it’s no secret your feelings are reciprocated, but it’s something in the bounce in his step and the sunshine underneath his voice and the glitter in his eyes that makes your breath threaten to hitch every time he calls your name.

You’ve said it so often, but it never ceases to amaze you. This is love. This is love!

“It’s love!” You tug Taichi close to you, and bump against his arm with your own. “I love you.”

“Wh-! You can’t just say things like that out of nowhere, you’re going to make me blush!”

As if he wasn’t already. The lighting is dim on this street, but his voice is slightly shaky. You can tell. You drown in it every day you see his face.

Unfortunate, really. If you weren’t so immersed in it all, you would’ve noticed them approach before the leader did.

A young man stood before you, maybe a year or two older than you. His pullover hoodie covered his hair and left his face in a dramatic shadow. Classic look, but frankly, you thought, if you’ve seen one delinquent in a hoodie, you’ve seen them all, and yes, these were delinquents. You can tell by how he looked you up and down with a smug leer.

“Oi, it’s the giant from O High,” he called out. You instinctively moved one foot forward, and held an arm out to block him from Taichi. “You got some nerve stepping on our turf.”

“I’m going home,” you said.

“Should’ve gone a different route.”

“I go where I want. Leave us alone.”

“Look, we’ve got a tough guy!” The leader threw his head back like it was a joke. The hood slipped off his head. “I’ll leave you alone if you pay for trespassing on our territory. Sound good?”

You scanned the street with the corner of your eye. It was a small gang of delinquents, an even five including the leader, all eyes on you like a rat in a cage.

Taichi murmured into your ear. “Are you okay with this, Reader? What do you need me to do?”

“Nothing yet. I’ve got this. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Shut the hell up already. Give me your money, or it’ll go to your hospital bills once I’m done with you.” The delinquent sneered, black hair falling into his face, and then looked down at Taichi. “I’m talking to your little boy toy too.”

You didn’t even think as your gaze went dagger-sharp and steely, and stepped forward once again. “Don’t you talk to him like that.”

He shoved you back. You stumbled. “Awww. Did I hurt your feelings? What’re you gonna do about it-”

Taichi dropped low and swept the fucking leg.

While you regained your balance, the leader sure as hell didn’t. His ankle buckled and sent him to careening to the pavement while Taichi rose. “Reader, behind you!”

Your body moved before your mouth did, and you smashed a fist into one of the goons now approaching. “Taichi, what the fuck.”

He sent another kick up to the sky this time with a loud smack of rubber against flesh. You dodged the delinquent that staggered from the blow and toppled right next to you. “I learned kung fu for Chan in Mantou Fist!”

Goon #3, an ugly dog with chapped lips, tried to take advantage and hit you while you sidestepped, and you went on the defensive. “Taichi, what the fuck!”

“It was for acting!” Goon #3 landed a blow to your shoulder. A heavy thrumming pain spread across your arm as you hissed through clenched teeth. “I have an excuse!”

He dove to avoid a tackle from the biggest punk, then stuck a foot out to trip him. Hilariously, it worked. You swiped Goon #3 into Goon #5 and they both floundered as they smacked into each other. “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it!”

You spun on your heel to watch Taichi knee his opponent, and the leader slam you down. You sprawled onto the pavement, fresh blood searing against your back. Strands of black hair broke your vision as he pulled back and punched, over and over again, as you grappled and tried to throw him off.

You flung yourself to the side, disorienting him enough to kick him in the shin just before he shoved you aside. While you regained your bearings and stood, he did as well, and spat on the ground.

Wordless punch to his face. You didn’t like to fight, and maybe everyone kept challenging you because you aimed for the face, but nothing quite gets the point of ‘leave me alone’ across quite like a crushed moneymaker.

Someone behind you grabbed at your hair and sent you teetering back like a chair on its hind legs. You thrashed, but long nails kept you restrained while he charged a punch. “Get away from me!”

A flash of red and royal blue crossed your sight and twisted the bully’s arm. With his free hand, Taichi swiveled. Quick backhand to the face, hard chop to the hip, then he threw another kick, this one a blow against the leader’s stomach that knocked the air out of him. He bought you enough time to finally break free, and you threw a hook to your assailant. She held the nose you struck, and gave you the opportunity to fling her into the pile of Goons #3 and #5 just as they were reorienting themselves.

You ran to help Taichi, currently in a heated dodging stalemate with the leader, before the big guy threw himself at you. You cried out as he pinned you, and kneed his groin just as you fell to the floor. You swallowed down the stinging of the cuts on your knuckles, and slammed two punches to his chest, hoping it was enough to keep him down as you returned your focus to the lone bully remaining.

The leader huffed as he shot one, two punches out, retract, one, two punches. Taichi found himself in a pattern- left, right, sidestep, left right, sidestep, left, right, sidestep. He was getting tired, but so was the punk. It was stamina. He wasn’t muscular or beefy or really all that tough, but he was athletic, he’s worked hard, he can do stamina.

Left, right, sidestep. Left, right, sidestep. Left, right-

“Guhh,” Taichi gasped, pain blossoming from his side.

The wild look in the leader’s eyes went bloodthirsty, but he was slow returning his fist, and in a rush of now-or-never Taichi drew forward and shoved him away-

Just as Reader body-checked him into the bush on the other side of the sidewalk.

Taichi slapped a hand over his mouth on instinct. The shock was starting to set in as he watched you stumble to your feet, shaking out your head and bouncing on your feet as you stood tall.

A groan sounded from the hedge, but you snatched his hand before he could ask any of the questions spinning through his head. “We need to go.”

“Wo-rd?” His voice cracked. Damn. The most cinematic moment of his life and his voice cracked as he started to run.

“We’re going!” You broke into a sprint, and led him away from the faded light of the street.

You only stopped running when you ran into a gas station door. Literally. Like, you ran into the door expecting it to be a push, and nearly fell over as you realized moments too late it was a pull when you crashed into the glass with a hefty thump.

Taichi squeaked and pulled the door open as you shook off the incoming bruise. His breath was short and heavy, and you couldn’t blame him even if you wanted; your adrenaline was dying down, and the blunt soreness was already starting to set in. The clerk at the counter cast a strange look at you and Taichi as you held onto each other like crutches, and likely with a few bruises formed.

“What?” Taichi asked, his voice spacious and confused. He followed you as you strode down the first aid isle like a lost puppy. “What just happened?”

“I-” You grabbed a pack of band-aids and some painkillers. “It was self-defense. Either we defended ourselves or they beat and steal from us.”

“I know that! I know that. But what-” you ordered two all-day breakfast tacos, one Icee and one Coke. He continued as you paid. “Does that happen to you often?”

“Yeah,” You said. Forlornness settled in your face as you ordered an Uber on your phone. “It does. People think I’m some wannabe delinquent because I’m so big and tough and because I’m such an introvert.”

“Was that what happened?”

“They jumped us.”

“Honesty, Reader. Please. I recognized them from O High.” You and Taichi leaned on a wall as you gave him one of the tacos and the Coke. Dead fluorescent light highlighted the shadows on his face and the scrapes on your knuckles. “I see them skipping class all the time. Were they trying to mess with you?”

“...I didn’t recognize any features. But you’re sure? They must’ve followed me.” Your face fell. “I’m sorry about this.” You reached a hand out to hold him, but the overhead lights highlighted the not-quite-dry blood on your hand.

So you retracted it. Touch was easier than words, but- but- but you didn’t protect Taichi. How do you apologize for something so horrible?

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice wet. Tears prickled in your eyes and caught onto your lashes, but didn’t give you the solace of falling. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I-I’m sorry.”

You returned home quietly, Taichi in tow, and led him to your bed while you gathered more first aid supplies and ice packs.

“It’s not that bad- ah!” You placed an ice pack over the bruise on Taichi’s side. “Cold!”

“It is that bad,” you said. “Ignoring even minor injuries deteriorates your health.”

“I can take care of it myself. You haven’t even looked at yourself, but you’re way more bruised than me.”

“But this is…” You licked your lips, hoping it’d rehydrate your dry mouth. “It’s normal for me. But was this your first fight?”

“Yes,” Taichi said.

“Don’t make it a habit.” You held his face, searching for cuts. “It’s not good for you. You see someone roll up their sleeves to fight you, you turn around and run. You understand me?”

“But they were going to hurt you.”

“But I don’t want them to hurt you.” Your lip trembled. “I don’t want anyone to hurt you. You haven’t done anything to warrant that, and you don’t deserve to get hurt, and no one is allowed to hurt you.”

“But what about you?” Taichi countered.

“People’ve wanted to punch me out for so long now. I’m used to it.”

“But you don’t deserve that either!” Taichi cried, then hushed after he remembered the late hour. “It doesn’t even matter that I don’t want to see you get hurt, because you as a person don’t deserve to get hurt.” He took your right hand off his cheek, looked at it, and reached for the box of band-aids. “You do this thing where you constantly put yourself down for the sake of following what everyone else says, even though the ‘everyone else’ that you listen to are all just bullies and deadbeats.”

He dug into your box of medicine, and fished out a bottle and some cotton. “You fell on concrete. Let me clean your scratches.”

A single nod from you, and he went to work wordlessly, the quiet only interrupted by your occasional hisses as the alcohol sunk into your tissue.

Then he dug into your box of medicine and pulled out an ointment buried deep within. “This prevents infections.”

“You know a lot about first aid,” you observed, not quite courageous to say anything else.

It was the first time since the fight that you saw him smile, small but focused, as he held your hand and lightly applied the ointment along the web of scratches. “I don’t act like it often, but I’m still a big brother. I take care of people.”

“That’s kind.”

“I guess it is. I spend so much time caring for other people that it becomes second nature.” He wrapped gauze around the hand next. You didn’t even know you had gauze. “Wait, first nature. I get it mixed up all the time. But the point is that if I see someone I love in trouble, I want to help, simple as that.

“Researching kung fu was for role study, really. But really learning the techniques and moves, and then putting them on stage, it was…” He struggled to find the word. “It felt like what I was doing was right. You know? I’ve spent so much time surrounded by my friends who are the toughest guys I know, and my siblings who are learning to stop crying when they get hurt, and you, someone who is so strong and patient, that I realized how out of my league everyone was compared to me.

“I didn’t realize until after learning how to fight that it made me feel like I can help people before they need it. It’s prevention.” He tied off the gauze, and inspected your hand. When he couldn’t identify any more cuts, he pressed his lips to your fingers, careful not to touch the injury, and started the process all over again on your left.

“Fighting isn’t something to look forward to.”

“It’s not like I want to. I was scared when that guy was getting up in your business. And when I realized you were about to throw hands? Terrified. I realized then and there they were going to hit you if I didn’t hit first.”

“So you hit first,” you said.

“Well, I say first, but it was really second.” He laughed a broken little laugh. “I know you don’t want to see me in danger, but the feeling’s mutual. I know I can’t always be there whenever someone tries to fight you- and it was my first fight- but it still hurts me to see you hurt.” He held your fingers to his lips again, and kissed properly this time, a small chu as he parted. “So if I can ever be there when you need me, I’ll help you. Because that’s love, and- and that’s because I love you.”

“Okay.” Your voice broke. Taichi was about to let go of your hand, but repositioned to squeeze. “Okay.” Impossible tears ran down your face, and you squeezed your eyes shut. “Taichi?”

“I’m here,” he said. His voice was quivering, too. “I’m here. I’m here.”

For the first time ever, you let your guard down in its entirety. You let out an ugly sob. Two arms wrapped around you tight, and when you hiccupped you could feel his body gasp and weep, and so you only sobbed louder. “I love you.”

❖ bonus ❖

“Thank you for watching!”

You’ve heard of thunderous applause, but this had to be a hurricane. Was it the audience size? Was it truly such a brilliant play? Both, probably. You settled on both, but if anyone asked, it was the latter.

The point was, even after the audience filed out of Mankai Theater, the clapping trailed behind you and through your head as you fought the current of people.

You were big, of course, and usually all these people would make you anxious, but you were more nervous about the bouquet in your hands staying safe than anything else as you held it over your head and weaved through the playgoers.

Taichi gave you instructions on where to find the dressing room, and you internally recited it like a pledge. Back wall, left corridor, turn left and it’s on your right. Back wall, left corridor, turn left and it’s on your right. Back wall, left corridor, turn left and it’s on your- found it!

You knocked on the door a healthy two times. Normal people knock twice, right?

You twitched. Fixed your jacket. Then stood up chest out and back straight, refusing to fidget and refusing to slouch.

Then you knocked one extra time. No one can blame you, okay? Three is a round and nice number.

But doesn’t it just seem like two knocks and one weird knock? There were zero signs of the door opening. You cleared your throat, fixed your jacket again, and knocked three times.

Just as you lifted your hand from the final knock the door swung open, and you yelped a little bit.

“Mankai Company! Who am I…”

The woman on the other side tilted her head up slowly. Her big pink eyes went even bigger. “Can I. Um. Do you need anything?”

You bowed way deeper than you should have, and shouted, “Hello, I’m Reader, I’m here to see Taichi and congratulate everyone on a show well done!”

You rose with a bit of an embarrassed blush, but simply refused to be apologetic about your fast speech. Not right now, at least.

“Alright? Um. Be right back!” The lady slammed the door.

You wondered if this was another Yuki situation. What if that lady was Taichi’s best friend in the whole company-

You lightly smacked your cheek with your free hand. Dammit, Reader, you’ve already gone through this once! If you can handle a judgmental middle schooler you can handle a grown woman!

…That still didn’t prevent you from being a nervous ball of tension all the way until the door opened.

“You got beef with Mankai Company- oh. It’s you.” Juza, still in his stage costume, stood in the threshold. “Good to see you again, Reader.”

“The- the pleasure is all mine!”

“I like your flowers.”

“Thank you! I grew them myself!”

“Come inside.”

At least it was Juza on the other side of the door. You might be treading into unknown waters, but his familiar face made you feel a little calmer.

He led you through a turn in the corridor to a combination green room and dressing room area. A swathe of people- actors, you presumed- congregated here. You recognized Autumn Troupe in their costumes, and Yuki in the corner, but you could already place faces you’ve never seen to stories Taichi loved to tell about his family, the bleached blond guy next to Yuki being one of them, and another, the foreigner in the middle of a strangely captivating dance.

Then you made eye contact, and you could see Taichi’s gaze melt in real time.

“Guys.” Juza cleared his throat. “We have a guest.”

You placed your bouquet on the table beside Taichi, the glass vase lightly clunking against the surface. Your autumn harvest has been kind, and rows of various blossoms poured through the vase, all in shades of red, yellow, and orange. Sweeping stems of fern divided the tiger lilies from snapdragons, but most notable of all were the pansies that lined the majority of the arrangement, all in blended shades of wildfire red and yellow.

You met Taichi’s eyes again. His pinky wrapped around your hand, an unspoken I’m here.

So you breathed in, exhaled, and spoke. “Congratulations, everyone, the show was great. I’ve been told you’ve heard a lot about me? My name is Reader.”

You scanned the room, and wrapped your pinky around Taichi’s.

And then, you didn’t even think about it, but your smile shined. “It’s a pleasure to meet everyone!” 🍒

68 notes · View notes

awritingtree · 4 years

Text

The Complications of Friendship and Love

James Potter x reader, very little Sirius Black x reader, James Potter x Lily Evans

@wand3ringr0s3‘s 1.9k follower writing challenge: Angst prompt 5. “I never thought something could hurt this bad.” The prompt has been bolded :)

Summary: Being best friend’s with your ex is complex. But adding your best friend dating your ex? Things got a whole lot more complicated.

Words: 2.4k

Warnings: angst, low self-confidence talks, friendship betrayals, unrequited love, 1 swear word

A/N: jsdf I’m sorry this took so long love <3 I wrote half of it and then lost motivation and then got back to it after so long 😂 anyways I hope you all enjoy it xx

Next part: The Benefits of Friendship and Love

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

Y/N Y/L/N had believed that James Potter was her one true love; the person she was going to spend the rest of her life with. But there she sat in her Potions class watching her two best friends giggling and flirting with each other wondering where did she go wrong?

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked, not glancing at her.

“Of course I do, James,” Y/N replied, bewildered he would even think about asking her such a question.

“It’s just- I’ll be really busy you know. With quidditch, NEWTs coming up and being head boy, I won’t have a lot of time to give you,” James explained.

“I don’t care about that. As long as I’m with you, nothing else matters.”

James didn’t get a chance to say anything as Sirius just plopped down next to Y/N, throwing a hand over her shoulder. “What are you two talking about?”

“Nothing,” said James before launching into a conversation with Remus about prefect duties.

“Right, nothing,” sighed Y/N, picking at her food.

“Hey, can we talk?” Lily’s voice snapped Y/N out of her daydream. Her eyes connected with the grey eyes of Sirius Black before she turned around to face Lily with a smile, “Of course, Lils.”

“Can we go somewhere...” Lily looked around the courtyard, “a bit more private?” she finished.

Y/N nodded, stringing her bag around her shoulder as she followed Lily towards the Black Lake. It was a rare warm day at the beginning of October of their seventh year. The grounds were filled with students soaking up the remnants of the warm sun before a cold, harsh winter took over.

Lily led Y/N to a secluded area near the edge of the Black Lake. She stood there, rocking back and forth on her heels, wiping her hands on her uniform every few seconds. She took a deep breath, turning to face her best friend. Her forehead creased, her bottom lip pulled in between her teeth, nibbling down on it.

“Is everything alright?” asked Y/N softly, concerned at her best friend’s behaviour.

“Yes- well um no. I guess- I just need to tell you something. Promise me you’ll listen to the whole thing before speaking?”

Y/N nodded; her eyebrows furrowed in worry. What could Lily possibly have to say that’s gotten her so anxious?

“I want to start by saying I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did, especially without talking to you first. James and I, we’ve been dating. Since a few weeks ago before the term started. We didn’t tell you because I knew it’d hurt you and none of us wanted that. We’ve broken up now. We talked a few days ago. I- we couldn’t carry on like that, not when we knew what we were doing would hurt our best friend. I knew you liked him, and I still said yes, and I shouldn’t have done that, especially after he hurt you so badly. I know you’re upset; we shouldn’t have hidden it from you in the first place, but we’re over now.”

Lily looked up suddenly, shocked to hear Y/N laugh. Not a hurt, mocking laugh but a genuine laugh as if she had heard something really funny.

“I know, Lily,” Y/N said giggling, “You all did an extremely bad job at hiding it.”

“Really? And you’re not upset?” Lily asked nervously.

“Of course not, silly. But I do think you’ve both gone mad. Absolute bonkers. How could you ever think I would stand in the way of my two best friends’ happiness?” Y/N asked with a small smile.

“I can’t. We can’t do that to you.”

“Rubbish! You’re not doing anything to me. Go, be with him. Be happy, both of you.”

A grin made its way onto the redhead’s face she jumped onto the Y/H/C, squeezing the life out of her.

“Thank you! Thank you so much. You’re the best,” Lily shouted as she ran back towards the castle. She turned her head to see her best friend with a small smile on her face, what she didn’t see were the tears gathering in her eyes and how her face fell once she was alone. What she failed to see was the sight of her best friend falling onto her knees, breaking down once again.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

Sirius, Remus and Peter found Y/N sitting against a tree, face resting on top of her knees drawn to her chest. They all grimaced at the sight of her blotchy face and red-rimmed eyes. She looked so broken.

“You knew, didn’t you?” she whispered, continuing to stare at the still lake before her.

Sirius, Remus and Peter stayed silent not knowing what to say. They did know from the beginning. James came back home shouting about it as soon as it happened. They were asked not to tell her and so they didn’t, a big mistake on their part they realized a little too late.

“Leave me alone” requested Y/N, her voice hoarse from crying.

“Y/N/N, we are-” started Remus.

“Please, just go,” she pleaded weakly. She had no energy left to do anything anymore. Her heart hurt too much. She’d wasted all her energy trying to be enough for a boy who wanted nothing to do with her; all for nothing.

“Alright. But we are sorry Y/N,” said Remus softly.

“We’re here if you need anything,” Peter went on.

Y/N didn’t reply. She made no acknowledgement that the words reached her ears. She continued to stare at the still water, a defeated look on her face. Remus and Peter turned to walk back to the castle. Sirius sighed and took a step towards Y/N, ignoring the pointed look Remus sent him. He leaned down to press a soft kiss against her head.

“We really are sorry, love,” he mumbled before following his best friends back to the castle.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

A few months passed by. The weather got colder; the wind got harsher. The leaves changed colours and fell. The green grass began to get covered with white snow. All through this, Lily and James got stronger. Every girl was envious of their relationship. The golden couple, they were known as throughout the school.

Meanwhile, Y/N continued to suffer on the sidelines, never showing anyone how badly she was hurting. She wore a bright smile, fake to anyone who really looked. Sirius, Remus and Peter noticed it, she had begun to pull away from all of them, spending all her time in the library when she could, sitting with other people during meals. Anytime they approached her she would cut the conversation short saying she had somewhere to be. The times where she did stick around them, she wasn't the talkative Y/N they knew and loved but a shell of her former self.

Y/N felt disgusted with herself for the hate and anger she had begun to feel towards her best friend. It was justified in her eyes, but she knew no one else would see it that way; she would be considered too dramatic, petty and honestly, a bitch. Due to this fear, Y/N kept quiet about how she felt about the situation. She couldn’t rant to Remus, Sirius, Peter, Marlene, Alice or Dorcas. The only person she could rant to, who would understand her completely or otherwise not judge her, was the sole cause of all her problems in the first place.

James Potter not only ripped her heart right out of her chest and stomped all over it but also left her alone with no one she could talk to, making her spiral into a whirl of self-hate and loneliness with nothing to keep her from drowning.

“What happened to not having enough time to be in a relationship?”, “Be more like Lily then maybe we’d like to hang out with you more”, “Look at Lily, she’s beautiful and she takes care of herself” were the only thoughts that swirled through Y/N’s head on repeat. Her self-worth was reduced to the size of a speck of dust, ready to be blown away into the open by the lightest of breaths. Sirius had noticed her change in mannerisms, clothes, tone of voice; almost everything and it made his heartache. He watched from afar as she continued to distance herself; not that anyone could blame her. But it appeared that her absence went unnoticed by everyone, except by him, Remus and Peter. Not even her best friend noted the lack of her presence; too involved in her new boyfriend and busy making new friends.

Y/N soon found comfort in her friends from Ravenclaw, particularly Dave. He understood how she felt; not completely but a bit was better than nothing. He was someone she could rant about James and Lily to without the fear of judgement. Dave and Lily had broken up a few months before she’d started dating James; turns out she had liked James throughout their relationship, using it as a backup since James was showing interest in her best friend at that time. But in the end, not even the friendship of Dave was enough to fill up the empty void inside her, the gaping hole that she believed only one person could close.

Y/N was broken, like a mirror shattered into a thousand pieces and the glue that could put her back together was only in one person’s possession.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

Y/N wanted to cry; she wanted to break things, thrash a whole room as she collapsed under the weight of her sobs. She wanted to scream into the void until her throat ached, her voice hoarse and raw. She wanted to shout at Lily for deceiving her; for pretending to care all these years. She wanted to yell at the universe, asking what she had done to deserve this. She wanted to punch James, break his nose for destroying her. Y/N Y/L/N had lost herself and she was nowhere to be found.

Y/N knew everyone would pick Lily if it came to it. Everyone always picked Lily; she was the much more favourable and lovable choice. It hadn't bothered Y/N much at first, she would gladly pick Lily first over herself too, but it started to get too much when people she was close to first - she’d introduced Lily to (such as the Marauders) - chose her. The last straw was drawn when James, the only person in the world Y/N had thought would never abandon her; tossed her aside like a second choice, opted for her. The person she revealed her deepest, darkest secrets to; whom she told things she’d never imagined telling another living, breathing soul had thrown her without a second thought, without any regret, onto the side of the road like rubbish without glancing back once to see the damage he’d caused. He’d promised he wouldn’t turn out like the rest. He’d promised to her.

Maybe it was all her fault. She gave her everything to him; her heart and soul, all her time, her first kiss, amongst other things whether she wanted to or not. There were days where she wondered whose fault it really was. Was it her? Was she not pretty enough? Lily Evans was beautiful; no one could deny it, you looked like a tiny twinkling star next to the glowing moon. Surprisingly the only person that comprehended what a first kiss and relationship meant to Y/N was Sirius Black, the notorious player of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was the only one who’d not told her to get over it and instead held her hand through the period of time when she had needed someone to rely on.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“Y/N! Wait! Y/N/N!” Y/N reluctantly slowed down, waiting for the person calling her name to catch up to her. She found herself in the company of Sirius, Remus, and Peter once a hand quickly grabbed her and pulled her to the side of the corridor.

“What do you want?” she asked impatiently. She just wanted to go back to her common room and sleep - an evening of peace - but the universe was against her, as usual.

Peter looked around nervously at the tone of her voice whilst Remus looked as if he’d been expecting this reaction.

Sirius raised an eyebrow in question, “Have somewhere to be, do you?”

“Yes actually.”

Sirius sighed before his mouth pulled into a wide cheerful smile choosing to be the bigger person, “Well we’re all sneaking out to Hogsmeade later if you wanted to join us.”

“No thank you. I’m busy,” Y/N said pushing her way from between them and walking away.

“How long are you going to keep this up!?” he yelled after her, irritated.

Y/N froze, anger bubbling through her blood and she turned on her heel slowly to face him.

“What?” she asked slowly, her teeth gritted, and her free hand clenched in a fist.

“Padfoot, don’t,” Remus muttered in warning, placing a hand on Sirius’ arm.

“No Moony,” Sirius said shrugging his hand off, “Someone needs to tell her that enough is enough.”

“Enough? Enough!?” Y/N laughed taking a step closer to Sirius with every sentence. “Enough was when my best friend decided to date my ex despite him breaking my heart not once, not twice but three times! Enough was when my best friend decided to date the boy who left me shattered behind my back! Enough was when my best friends knew about all this and chose to keep it from me!

“Enough was when all my friends left me stranded alone.”

The pain she’d locked up inside washed over her, her knees buckling beneath her. Sirius moved swiftly, gathering her in his arms before she hit rock bottom. Y/N clutched his shirt in her fists, soaking it as she sobbed against his chest.

“I never thought something could hurt this bad,” her voice broke, tugging Sirius’ heartstrings. Y/N’s heart ached; her chest physically hurting as it constricted her heart. The pain was too much to handle; the wound tearing open and blood smearing the ears of whom the sounds of her anguish fell upon.

Sirius had always known a time like this would come. A time when he’d sit there holding the love of his life in his arms as she sobbed into his chest over his best friend, for his brother. And there was nothing he could possibly do about it.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

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bakugouisabitch · 3 years

Note

nono, i care about your very specific highschool au. rant about it please.

dgslsjs omg youu 🥺

well if you insist.... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

okay, i once had a discord group which i miss sm rip where i shared some ideas from that AU so i’m basically gonna repeat them here now shsjs under the read more 👇

this AU includes both Maliks as siblings (+ Isis and Rishid ofc) and both Bakuras as siblings too. The two Yamis are the elder brothers of the non-Yamis so they also have their own name ofc.

For Yami Malik I’d go with Amir cause the name is beautiful and fits him somehow (it means ‘prince’ or ‘chief’). This AU is literally so self-indulgent where I can finally write Amir just how I picture him in my head as the funny himbo he is, who makes some creepy jokes at times but is generally a nice guy and is just constantly stoned sdfgskh

For Yami Bakura i haven’t thought of a name yet 🙃 He’s low key the protag and I still don’t have a name for him 👏 good work, Ziggy 👏 I was thinking about something that makes his initials still be YB so a name with Y actually (Yamato maybe ?) Everyone calls him Bakura/Bakura-kun anway and they mostly call Ryou “the little Bakura”/Bakura-chan (affectionately) since he is the little brother ahsksfsj

In this AU Amir and YB are like really close friends. They are classmates in their last year together and they are known for being trouble makers. But not just like Honda and Jounouchi in the anime - they are worse than that. They have risked being expelled many times and smoke on the school’s rooftops and even hang out with older guys who sell illegal shit and such (it’d be tw for drugs ofc). OH and lots of spray painting on public places 👊 They are really best buds and bonded over same interests and music taste and same hate for the society and family and such. This fanart was a major inspiration to write these two as high school best buddies.

Also, I did a quick redraw of the typical anime boys sleeping in the classroom pose with these two. That’s them:

(might finish it one day and post it seperately idk my motivation is swinging lately 🤷)

All their “criminal” behaviour ofc stems from a sad background/past because i’m just a sucker for angst and i keep making my boys suffer 😔 i’m sorry. Every guy in this AU has daddy issues or just family issues in general

YB is VERY overprotective over his little brother Ryou (who’s just two years younger than him, and just like Malik, starts his first high school year in Domino High School). He is literally responsible for raising him up because ever since they lost their mother and Amane (Ryou’s twin sister) at a very young age their father fell into a very deep depression and he’s constantly away “for work” and just generally neglects his two remaining sons. YB hates their father because of that so he has taken it as his own responsibility to make sure Ryou is always safe and protected and acts like the parent in their home (where there is usually just the two of them). Also, another self indulgent thing here: YB being an ass with everyone except for being an overprotective good big brother for Ryou 🥺 please! so cute!! (They ride a bike together on their way to school like this fanart)

The Ishtar’s parents are both dead. Their mother died when giving birth to the youngest one (Malik) and their father died under very tragic circumstances (still gotta think how 🤔 it definitely wasn’t Amir tho’) and they used to have a very abusive household thus why Amir HATES their dad. Contrary to Malik, who keeps saying he deserved a second chance and was a good father and wishes he could have made him proud ~ this always makes Amir and Malik fight amongst other things and this is what also bonds Amir and YB so much: the hate for their old man.

It would be a very psychological AU that deals with a lot of issues and shit and traumas the boys have to live with + adding all the typical teenage angst at that age so it’s CHAOS. and I’d also have the perfect soundtrack/playlist for it 💆‍♀️ (it would be set in the 90s)

Ofc it’d be bakumali because I can’t help myself (and maybe also Ryou x Amir as a side pairing 👀)

Since it’s Malik’s first year in domino high school he wants to be recognised as one of the “cool kids” and befriend the older boys from the class. he just hates it that his big brother (Amir) is always there as well. Compared to the Bakuras these two have much more of a turbulent kind of relationship going on as siblings, where they constantly fight and Amir says Malik “ruined” the family whenever their fights get harsher and Malik says father never loved him anyway. Isis and Rishid try to keep the family and the boys under control as young adults but it’s hard 😔

YB visits the Ishtars sometimes to hang out with Amir in his room where they listen to music, smoke weed, and play PS and such and this is when Malik “spies” on YB. he thinks his big brother’s friend looks so cool with his ripped jeans and eyeliner and black nail polish. One night YB and Amir are smoking weed in Amir’s room and playing PS when Malik would use the chance. He’d piss Amir off and tell him it’s his turn to take the trash out on purpose to make him leave his room. Ofc Amir says no but then Malik “threatens” him with “I will tell sister you smoke weed if you don’t take the trash out”. And so Amir leaves (slamming the door behind him like an unruly teenager and saying he’s gonna kill Malik) and leaves a stoned YB alone in his room. And this is when Malik uses the chance to be alone with a very confused and very stoned YB who wonders why Amir’s little brother seems to be so interested in him sdfghjkl and yea this is basically their first encounter.

Malik has basically a kind of obvious “fangirl crush” for YB but the latter is so confused why and what he even sees in him. Because for him there’s nothing “cool” in skipping school and breaking the rules, it’s just the only thing he knows. But for Malik this is the coolest shit he’s ever seen.

this little sketch i made kinda shows my idea for their relationship in this AU better sdfghjk:

Malik befriends Ryou (who is in his same class and school year) out of convenience ofc cause he wants to get closer to YB. Yes Malik is a lil bitch in this AU. And Ryou is like extremely nice and polite, he’s the weird silent kid who doesn’t have a lot of friends and lives in his own world. He falls victim to bullies a lot and YB also keeps that rough facade to make sure no one messes with him. Ryou befriends Malik and tries to answer all of the weird, intimate questions he has of his big brother...

One night I, like, imagined a scenario where Amir and YB are out spray-painting a wall behind the station with some other thugs and Malik and Ryou followed them secretly (it was all Malik’s plan) even if Ryou was totally contrary to the idea. Once they see the guys have drugs and alcohol Ryou wants to leave, but Malik says this is exactly what makes it exciting and joins them without warning. When Amir and YB see Malik they panic, wondering what he is doing here. Amir gets particularly pissed off and wants to just leave. ofc YB tells him he can’t just leave his young brother alone in a place like this with people like that. But Amir ignores him (and this will lead to one of the first big fights between the two best buddies 😔 they will punch each other. I told you it will have a lot of angst)

Anyway at the end Amir leaves and YB is decent enough to bring both Ryou and Malik home but then Malik insits on wanting to crash at their place. So YB is like “i guess??” And they spend the night together at the Bakura’s place :) YB takes the couch and leaves his bed for Malik to sleep in but Malik will have none of that ofc sgksksj

Okay sorry for boring you, I could go on forever with so many scenarios of this AU or like actually sit down and write it... and yea.. that’s it.... just angsty and misunderstood boys in a shitty society with shitty parents trying to find a sense with their lives 🥺

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jeonsblackgf-writes · 3 years

Text

LIES WITHIN YOUR WORDS || 2 ||

summary: Sierra left, but she didn’t quite leave😂 (you’ll see)

pairing: basically miguel galindo x black!OC

genre: errrr pettiness? fluff, maybe angst

word count:

AN: DO NOT WORRY! I AM CURRENTLY WRITING A FIC WITH FLUFF WITH ANGEL THEN EZ😂

____________________________________________🖊

"I just don't understand why I have to go back there." Sierra huffed, not wanting to move since she was very much pregnant as hell. She didn't want to leave the comfort of her couch but Miguel was more at ease knowing she was with him at all times with her being so close to her due date. He didn't want anything to happen to her, but he understood where his wife was coming from when she said that she didn't want to go back to the clubhouse after what happened to her 4 years ago. The only two people she's kept up with was Letty and Chucky. They've visited her a few times, they came to the wedding, the baby shower, almost everything. They were the only two people she trusted when it came to the Mayans.

"Mi reina, I completely understand why you don't want to go back, but I can assure you that nothing will happen to you because while I conduct business with Bishop, Nestor will be by your side just as he has been all these years. You have nothing to worry about, just trust me." He reassured her. She sighed and nodded her head as he gave her a triumphant smile. "Besides, it'd be nice to see you be petty every once in a while."

"I'm not liable for anything that happens while you're in the Templo. You know how my mouth gets when I get riled up" She grumbled, slowly sitting up from the couch to slip on her slides. Miguel gave her a kiss on the cheek, and let her have her alone time until it was time to work again. He absolutely knew how much of a hard ass she can get when she gets mad, he's been on the other side of that on several occasions.

Sierra was 100% sure that Miguel was bringing her out of spite because he liked to brag and that's just the type of man he was. He took pride in the fact that he finally found love after Emily since he found out Cristobal wasn't his. He was heartbroken, yeah, but Sierra was there for him when nobody else was, and she was there for him when she told him about the deal that EZ had made with the feds. Of course, she felt like a bad friend, but there was so much betrayal being thrown around inside the Mayans, she didn't care anymore. Now here she is, 4 years later, married and pregnant by the one man that Angel and EZ had hated more than anything.

She had came to peace with herself and what happened to her a long ass time ago. She didn't want to harbour any hate for a man that didn't even deserve her time of the day. She stopped posting on social media because for some reason it had always encouraged him to call her, even while she was engaged to Miguel. She had also known, that Miguel was a completely different breed when it came to loyalty, it was like taking care of her needs was always his first priority and she used to feel so overwhelmed with how much love she had been receiving, but she had gotten used to it.

"It's time to go mi corazon," Miguel announced, walking back into the living room with Nestor behind him. She gave the two men a confused look as she watched Miguel carry a bag. He gave her a smile and handed it to her. She smiled as she looked inside the bag to see that it was filled with all her favourite snacks and drinks since he knew she liked to eat throughout the day. Not wanting to waste any time, she pulled out a bag of hot cheetos and ripped the bag open before popping a handful in her mouth.

Miguel grabbed her free hand and lead her to the car where the driver was waiting. He opened the door for her, placing a hand on her back as she got in. After she got comfortable, he closed the door and walked to the other side before settling himself beside her. Out of instinct, Sierra crossed her legs over her husbands, and scooted closer to him. He smiled and began to rub her thighs as the car started to move, Nestor sitting in the front. Miguel rolled up the partition from his side of the car, and began rubbing her thighs higher and higher, making her look at him suspiciously.

"The same shit your doing now is the reason why I'm pregnant." She grumbled, trying to push his hand away from he only grabbed it and laced it with his other hand as he slowly pulled her panties off with one hand and began to rub her clit slowly in small circles. She sighed and leaned her head back as she tried not to make too much noise because the car definitely wasn't sound proof.

"You know I can never get enough of you querida, no matter how pregnant you are." He mumbled, leaning over to place small kisses on her neck and chest. Sierra sighed in content and leaned back on the seat with her sundress hiked up to her belly, making Miguel smile. Maybe a small quickie wouldn't hurt.

"Miguel just hurry up because you got me horny knowing how sensitive my hormones are." She complained, trying to unbuckle his slack but he slapped her hand away, and held her legs up by the back of her knees.

"Relax honey, it'll be a while before we get there anyway." He stated before eating his wife out like it was her last meal, not giving her a chance to respond properly since she was too busy trying not to moan as she ran her hands through his hair.

Miguel moaned as he felt her drip onto his tongue before pushing her dress up past her. breast so he could have something soft to hold onto. Lately, he had been having sex with her and eating her out more than usual. She tasted sweeter and her pushy was always extremely wet during sex. He let go of her trembling legs, and snuggly placed them on his shoulder so that she would be more comfortable.

He circled his lips around her clit before sucking harshly, receiving a loud moan from her. "Holy fuck! Shit..."

Sierra looked down to her husband over her belly to see him already staring at her with wide eyes as he used both hands to spread her pushy lips as he stiffened his tongue and proceeded tongue fuck her deeper, making her thud down onto the seat and let out another sob as she felt herself coming closer and closer to cumming.

Her mouth fell into a silent scream as she felt her orgasm crash down upon her. Miguel did his best to keep her still as he watched her essence spurt out of her, watching as her legs continued to shake from the huge orgasm. Miguel glanced outside of the moving car for a split second before rushing to pull his slacks down.

"We'll be there in 5, so lets make this quick mi reina," He mumbled, kissing his wife on the lips before leaning back up to thrust into her. Sierra gasped and grabbed her husbands hand as he quickly plowed into her as he tried to get her to finish as she chased his own climax. Miguel tried his best not to moan loud because he knew Nestor would give him shit so he stuck with deep breaths and small grunts. Sierra bit onto her lip as she watched her husband thrust harshly into her.

"You gonna let them know who you belong to amor?" Miguel asked, moving his hand to rub his wife's clit as she came around him. She sporadically and rapidly nodded her head as she tried to push him away but he grabbed both her hands and placed them above her her as he continued his consistent thrusting, now getting to his orgasm as he gave her one more thrust, spilling himself inside her. (I promise I write better smut than this lol.)

"Miguel, we're here." Nestor called from the front. Miguel could hear the sound of the front seat opening before he and Sierra put their clothes on. She straightened herself out, fixing her hair while Miguel pulled up his slacks and buckled his pants back.

It had just dawned on her about what she was about to walk into. Sierra sighed, not wanting to see anyone's face again, not after what happened but she knew she really had no choice seeing as she willingly got into the car with her husband.

Miguel noticed her distress, and comforted his wife, "Hey, if you don't want to come in it's your decision."

Sierra smiled at him and shook her head, "No, I want to. Let's go."

The couple made it out of the car, checking their surrounds before a loud voice caught her attention. Miguel whispered to Nestor about keeping a watch on her, the man nodding his head.

"SIERRA! GIRL HEY!" Letty ran up to the pregnant woman and engulfed her in a huge hug, being mindful of her belly. Miguel smiled at the interaction and stated that he was going inside for his meeting with Bishop, to which Sierra smiled and nodded her head before kissing his lips as a temporary goodbye.

"You're glowing! Miguel really got you out here living your best life." She complimented, looking at her friend. Sierra laughed and rubbed her belly out of instinct.

"Girl, he is but don't tell him I said that shit. His ego already big as hell." She joked, earning a laugh from the younger girl in front of her.

"You wanna head inside?" Letty asked after a small moment of silence. Sierra hesitantly smiled and nodded her head. Letty noticed the hesitance.

"If it makes you feel any better, Angel's been a shit show ever since you left. Adelita was pregnant and he thought it was his but turns out it wasn't. So karma's a bitch I guess." Letty explained as the two of them walked to the doors of the clubhouse. Sierra gave a small hum at the new information. She had always told Angel that Adelita was suspect but he clearly was too deep in her pussy to see that until it was too late.

"I'm married to a good ass man and we got a kid on the way, I could really care less." She stated, walking past Letty to get inside with Nestor following closely behind since she was burning up. It was like a record scratch from those dramatically funny ass movies and suddenly all eyes were on her while some where on her belly.

Of course they were doing the same banter just like the time Angel got caught only his little Adelita wasn't here. Such a shame. She turned to Nestor with a smile on her face.

"Could you get me something to drink?" She asked quietly. Nestor gave her a friendly smile and walked to the bar to ask for some water, returning it back to Sierra as she thanked him and took a big gulp from him. She tried her hardest to ignore the stares but it was getting irritating at this point.

"Are yall gone keep staring or is somebody gone speak?" She asked loudly, scanning the room, and of course the first one to walk up was Angel. Looking past him, Sierra locked eyes with a girl with shoulder length hair, making her squint her eyes at her before the girl broke contact with her and turned around.

"Who knocked you up?" He asked, pointing to her belly before glancing at Nestor who was standing behind him. She smiled at him.

"Not your hoe ass, that's for sure." She replied, pretending to pick at her nails as if she were bored with the conversation already.

"Mi reina seriously, did you let Miguel knock you up?" Angel asked, hoping to hear a no, but from the smile on her face he knew it was the opposite. Sad to say, he had thought about coming to see her all the way up until this point, but she clearly was busy with someone else.

"I'll tell you this. I married the same man who got his heart broken by the bitch your brother constantly fucked. Crazy how their baby wasn't his but EZ's isn't it? Kinda pathetic if you ask me, taking Miguel's sloppy seconds...so weird." She spoke, every ounce of venom on her voice. She had time to be petty today.

"Did you come here to insult us? If you did you can fucking lea--"

"How's Adelita? Y'know with you cheating on me with her and all one would've thought that you guys would be a big happy family with her being pregnant. Oh wait, they poor baby isn't even yours. So not only did you cheat, you allowed a hoe to run game on you. Crazy." She chuckled, shaking her head at him. Angel knew he should say something, but how could he when everything she's saying is true. As far as Nestor, the only thing he could really do was try not to laugh, since he was told not to start anything unless he felt like someone was physically trying to attack his boss's wife and unborn child.

"Seriously Sierra, we get that we fucked you over but chill out." Gilly spoke from the other side of the room. Sierra looked at him and sighed.

"Gilly, if you knew how much dirt I had on you and every person in this room you would shut the fuck up and keep stuffing your fat ass face." Sierra ranted. Where the fuck is Miguel?

"Uhm excuse me but who are you? Angel why are you letting her walk all over you?" One of Vickey's girls asked, standing up to get beside Angel.

"You do know I can put a price on your head and get you knocked off right? Matter fact lemme just..." She trailed off, pulling out her phone to text Miguel but Nestor grabbed the phone from her hand before she could. One phone call and the entire building will be burned to the damn ground with everyone in it.

"He just saved your life. Next time you wanna try somebody, try a bitch that ain't me." She hissed, standing up just in time to see her husband walking out of the templo with Bishop, who could clearly feel the tension in the room. Miguel smiled and walked over to his wife as she welcomed him with a hug.

"She wasn't too much trouble was she?" Miguel asked Nestor, who handed her back her phone.

"Other than the fact that she just tried to get one of Vickey's girls dead, no, she's been an angel as always." Nestor laughed, stepping back from the two of them.

"Why the fuck did you marry her into this shit? You're too dangerous for her." Angel fussed, scowling at Miguel who turned around with an amused look on his face.

"Angel seriously shut the fuck up. You just don't like the fact that I'm married to the one man everybody in this bitch is afraid of because if he's too dangerous for me then you were as well and yet I STAYED with you and you see where that got me. It took you five years to propose to me while it took him one and a half, and we got married 6 moths later. Like my momma always said, a man knows when he ready to settle down, and you weren't ready and that's okay, but don't try to talk about what the fuck I got going on when you clearly got homegirl in the back over there scared to even say shit with her weak ass but I'm not surprised, you always had to fuck weak bitches because you could never handle a real ass bitch like me. Have a nice life dickface." She ranted, grabbing her husband's hand who was shocked at the confrontation. Any other time Miguel would be the first to speak on something like that but hearing his wife do it for him just made his heart swell with pride.

"You handled that better than I would have baby, I'm proud of you." He told her as the two of them got into the car. Sierra smiled and leaned into her husbands side as he pulled her closer and kissed her head.

"Okay now take me home and give me bath." She demanded, causing the other man to throw his head back in laughter.

#angel reyes x black!reader #angel reyes #miguel galindo #miguel galindo x reader #miguel galindo x you #angel reyes x reader

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goldenretriever-nicknelson · 3 years

Note

if you're still taking requests for pride month, maybe one with reader questioning whether she's bi or pan, or maybe even telling him she's thinking about not using any labels at all? i'm struggling rn and wish i had a peter ✋🏼 the one you wrote with bi!peter is so cute ❤❤

A/n: Aww of course anon! I’m really liking these pride requests and I’m more than happy to write them. Just know that it’s okay if you’re struggling, it can be really confusing. I’m here for anyone if they need a chat ❤️

WC: 982

Warnings: mentions of sexuality and being confused/questioning, some light angst and tears but lots of fluff.

You paced back and forth, taking deep breaths as thoughts whirled around in your mind. Your calm playlist played through your speakers in hopes it would change your mood but the anxiety persevered. Only the sound of your phone ringing was enough to break you out of your mind prison.

Upon seeing the familiar dorky face on screen you felt a bit calmer and the anxiety seemed to pause for just a moment when you heard your boyfriends voice coming through the phone.

"Hi Petey." You did your best to sound like your normal self but you should have known better than to try anything around the person who knew you better than yourself.

"What's wrong angel?"

"Noth-"

"Nuh uh don't even try. I can tell something's wrong and I can see you're listening to the playlist you listen to when you need to be calm on Spotify."

You knew Peter was giving one of those knowing looks even though you were on the phone and the thought made you smile.

Peter was not only your boyfriend but your best friend in the entire world, he was the one you most wanted to talk to right now and yet you felt scared. The truth was that you didn't know what you sexuality was and you had been questioning it for longer than you wanted to admit.

You'd had crushes on girls and boys before but you wondered if you were just thinking something was there when it wasn't. It was the same with celebrities and fictional characters, back in middle school you had a crush on both Vanessa and Troy. And then sometimes it was just one or the other or no one at all.

Life was confusing but the one thing you knew for sure was that you loved Peter Parker and you wanted to talk to him about what was going on in your head.

"Can you come over?"

As soon as you said those words Peter was already agreeing and hanging up the phone, most likely grabbing his bag and some snacks to bring you.

You tried to rehearse how you would put your disorganised thoughts into words, even attempting to write them down but nothing seemed right. You thought about telling Peter it was nothing and to not worry about coming over but even if you didn't talk, you still needed a famous Parker cuddle.

The familiar tap tap sounded on your window and you giggled as you turned to see Peter's face pressed against it, making a funny face. You opened it and kissed his cheek, he smiled as bright as the sun that shone down on him as he climbed inside.

"I brought chocolates and gummies."

You smiled wide and stole a kiss, tasting the sweetness already on Peter's lips. He'd already dug into the bag of gummies.

"Thief."

"Hey I brought them! Technically you're the thief." Peter took another and ate it as he sat back on your bed, opening his arms which you fell into easily. You let out a happy sigh and smiled as he held you tight. Every confusing thought and worry felt none existent, replaced only with safety and warmth as you listened to his heartbeat.

Peter knew just what to do when you were feeling down. He grabbed your fluffiest blanket and wrapped it around the both of you as his fingers ran through your hair. He always waited for you to tell him what was wrong if you wanted to, he never pushed or pried, just listened.

"I don't know who I am." You sniffled against his chest as you buried yourself into his t-shirt. He paused in surprise at your words and gently lifted your head so he could wipe away your tears.

"What do you mean angel?" He asked softly, no judgement in his voice, just love and curiosity.

You sat up a little straighter and took a deep breath, Peter delicately brushing your hair behind your ear as he encouraged you to continue. Whatever it was he could tell it was worrying you.

"I-I don't know who I am. I think I like girls and boys but sometimes I only like one or the other. Other times I don't think I like anyone and it's just so confusing." You scrunched your face up, wanting to hide away as you finally put your thoughts into words.

Peter nodded along as he listened and played with your hair in a comforting way. Your heart was racing as you met his gaze, it relaxed only slightly as you still saw the same love and admiration in his soft brown eyes as always.

"I think I might be bi or maybe Pan. Is that okay?"

You looked back down at your hands as you spoke, holding your breath and closing your eyes as you waited for his response. You had read online about some people worrying that their partner would cheat on them as soon as they came out. Peter gave a soft chuckle and pecked your lips, catching you by surprise.

"Princess, you don't have to ask me if it's okay. I love you no matter what and I love you for you. You're still my angel." He smiled at you with so much love pouring from every word that you felt the tears start to fall down your cheeks again.

"Really?"

Peter nodded and held your face in his hands, pecking your lips several times with a smile. "Really really."

You giggled and let out the breath you had been holding for what felt like forever as you snuggled back into Peter's arms. No matter what was going on in your head or how confused you were, you could always rely that Peter would be there to help you through it and give you cuddles whenever you needed them.

"I love you Petey."

"I love you too Princess."

Permanent - @eeyore101247 @sinisterspidey @darlingspidey @ameelia @calltothewild @parkerpeter24 @rebekkah4766 @peaches-parker @tom-hlover @parker-hollandx @call-me-baby-gir1 @cosmicvibecheck @outshineallthestars @theliterarymess @dummiesshort @sadxaries @boujee-bitches @lowkey-holland @miraclesoflove @quaksonhehe @emistrash @namoreno @just-lost-inbetween-worlds @parkerbunny @StixnStripesworld @jackie1819 @flower-name @nuttytani @the-fan-18 @capital-koreasofia @lovehollandy12 @petersasteria @mathletemadison

Peter Parker - @teen--marvel @musicalkeys @spideyspeaches @kickingn-ames @shakespeareanqueer @dpaccione @dreamy-clousds @justwantstosleep @petersgroupie

#pride month #lgbt #blurbs #pride blurbs #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #katies blurbs #katie's blurbs #peter parker #fanfiction

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zodiyack · 4 years

Text

Opposites Attract; Act V

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x Female!Pierce/Petrova!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst/violence

Words: 1,098

(Series) Summary: The younger sister of Katherine was the true owner of Damon’s heart, Katherine only being his worry in 1864 due to the sister’s bond, the bond that fueled Katherine to force Y/n to join her when she escaped Mystic Falls and left Damon to think they were both in the tomb.

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @simonsbluee, @darling-i-read-it, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @dpaccione, @sana-li, @local-depresso-gay-idiot, @jenepleurepasbaby, @lady-salvatore, @yolobloggers, @thecraziestcrayon, @tranqs-main-mami, @lawlerek, @agustdpeach, @jenjie, @iclosetgeek, @avengersgirllorianna, @rosiesimone819, @caseysalvatore, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything

Masterlist | The Vampire Diaries Masterlist

Part I. Part II. Part III. Part IV. Part V. Part VI.

“C’mon, you don’t want to do this, Damon.” Stefan tried to explain. If anything, his frantic attitude should’ve outlined the point he’d been trying to make in a bold yellow like the highlight pen he used for school.

But perhaps that highlighter was out of ink. “Trust me, brother, I do.”

Damon was stubborn, anyone who knew the vampire knew of that fact, but Stefan was stubborn when it came to his “hero-hair” duties. The brothers were more similar than either of them thought, so getting one to back off the other was a battle that lasted for what felt like centuries. Stefan wouldn’t give up until Damon agreed to leave Katherine alone.

“Damon, I don’t want to lock you down there to desiccate again, but if I have to, I will.” He honestly would if it came to that. Stefan wanted Damon to just stay out of trouble and if the opportunity presented itself, he’d take it with only the smallest bit of hesitation.

“Why do you want me to back off of Katherine so badly, Stefan?” Damon narrowed his eyes. “The bitch tricked you into dying for her, literally! So why on earth would you be...” His sentence faded away. And then suddenly- as if a lightbulb had clicked over his head, his gaze snapped back up to Stefan’s, “Tell me you haven’t.”

“Haven’t what?”

“Fallen head over heels for narcissistic vamp bitch!” The raven haired brother pointed an accusing finger at him, “I swear to god, Stefan, tell me you didn’t!”

“What?!” Pure disgust was evident on his features, “No! God no! I just...it’s best for you, if you really want Y/n back.”

“Not fighting Katherine?”

“Yeah.”

“How would that do anything for me in my relationship? What’s so bad about killing Katherine? I’d be a hero!”

“Well...to us, maybe, but your little ‘crush’, not so much. Because killing Katherine, Y/n’s sister, would make your ‘mission’ fail instantly.”

“Oh...” Damon finally came to his senses, Stefan’s point clicking and wiping away the tenseness in his body. “Yeah, that uh...that makes sense.”

Stefan “Aaaand I figured you’d like that more than option b.”

His brows furrowed and eyes squinted for the second time, however, his confusion was genuinely just puzzled rather than blaming. “What’s option b?”

“Making amends with Katherine. Getting all brother and sisterly with her. You know, in law bonding?” His teasing smirk poked fun at Damon and grew wider as his face shriveled with discomfort and repugnance. “Thought so.”

“Still can’t get enough of me?” Katherine sneered.

“You wish. I’m here for your sister.”

Katherine’s entire form suddenly grew tense. Her once relaxed stance became protective and guarding. “I told you last time, you can’t have her. She doesn’t need you, and you don’t deserve her.”

“Funny, I thought I said the same thing about you.” Her jaw clenched as Damon’s smirk crawled higher towards his eyes.

“I’d back off if I were you.”

“Again, same thing to you.”

The childish attitude was a constant with Damon, making it nearly impossible to tell whether he was deviating against the plan Stefan and the others helped him out with, or just doing it to spite Katherine. Bonnie had preformed a locater spell on the vampire, bringing them to their current location, and Stefan got their new companion, Alaric, to help him in making sure Damon didn’t fuck everything up. He knew his older brother, been the target of his temper, so he knew things could go south in record speed.

“C’mon Damon, don’t do it,” he muttered to himself repeatedly. They were lucky enough to find a spot where he could hear what was going on, not that he needed his vamp hearing to be able to catch the excessively loud voices, and see the showdown with close-to-front row seats.

Alaric gave him a look every now and then, telling him silently that he was ready whenever Stefan was. It started to get heated, Katherine inching towards Damon, the fury in her eyes growing more intense with each quip that slipped from his mouth, Damon cockier by the second. It was only a matter of time before they needed to step in. It was only a matter of time before Damon fucked up.

“You know, I only ever meant to save Stefan, right? Had I known Y/n gave you her blood, I would’ve ripped your heart from your chest before you had the chance to turn.”

“And had I known you were going to leave the church, where I thought the love of my life was for the past century, to burn while you were really taking her away from me, I would’ve shoved you inside that damn church and left you to rot in hell, where you belong, while Y/n and I rode of into the sunset and lived happily ever after.” His smile was still too playful to be read. The glow in his eyes and tightness of his lips accentuated the darkness behind his “had I” story.

Katherine’s eyes pierced pun intended into Damon’s. The veins below her brown orbs darkened, fangs protruded from her gums. In the blink of an eye, she lunged at Damon, but then, she was on the ground, a vervain tranquillizer sticking from her body.

“Damn,” she struggled to form the final words, drowsiness already creeping over her, “you,” a glare met Damon’s mocking expression, “Salvatore.”

Damon clapped, victory dance ready to be initiated. “Nice shot, Ric! Great timing too!”

He waited for a response from their, human, vampire hunter friend, but Alaric’s tone wasn’t victorious like Damon’s, nor was his response quickly given. “That wasn’t me...”

The weapons he’d brought along were wooden bullets, his shot good enough to avoid hearts on purpose and keep the vampires alive if need be. Last he checked, the only vervain equipped item he currently had on his person was a vervain bomb, which he promised not to set off.

Damon whipped around, meeting his brother and Alaric, whom had raced over the second Katherine went down, and their concerned expressions. Stefan realized something was off at the same time as Alaric; he hadn’t fired any weapons and Stefan made sure to know what objects that could kill him were in his presence at all times.

“If it wasn’t you two... then who- What fortunate bastard do I have to spare tonight?”

“Me. Although, correct me if I’m wrong,” the three turned towards the voice, Damon’s eyes widening as Y/n entered his view, nearing closer and closer with each step she took, “I believe you’d spare me either way.”

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kashimos-hajime · 4 years

Text

dear... whoever | b.b.

summary: a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries.

WARNINGS: swearing, LOTS of fluff, mentions of drinking and sex and hospitals and guns, general fun and witty attitude, small angst, big jealousy, obviously au after civil war. everything after does not exist. pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 9.5k

a/n: written for @softbiker and 100% inspired by @sunmoonandbucky with the format. my prompt was let me love you by rita ora and i wrote it from the perspective the singer is singing it to rather than the actual singer. this was super fun to write. enjoy!

July 31/20

Dear…

Whoever is going to read this. So… me, in the future probably. So, it should be dear WHOMever, I think, but it sounds wrong.

Is it too cliché to say dear diary? I don’t know. After all, I don’t WANT to be writing this but unfortunately I am because it’s mandated. Apparently, the psychiatrist that works for Stark Industries thinks it’s necessary that I write down my feelings and show that I’ve adjusted to working part-time superhero, full-time head of Tony’s stupid R&D department.

Something about how that much stress can cause psychotic fractures in the worst case scenario.

Cute.

Anyway, I don’t know what to write. Currently, it’s 4:23AM. The only reason I’m awake is because I have trouble sleeping on the best night. I heard Barnes messing about and because I am the Hermit of the Rec Room Couch (catchy, I know), I can hear him just walking about.

What the hell is he even doing?

To be honest, I’ve never talked to Barnes besides the occasional greetings because he’s the sort to keep to himself, I guess, and, valid. I’m not saying it’s not, considering his history, but you know.

I think I’m a friendly person, and I’m bored. He’s eventually going to hear me writing noisily because of super-soldier hearing or whatever, so I might just get up and introduce myself.

Not that I’ve been working here for years, but whatever.

I’m really bored and hungry, honestly, so a trip to the kitchen would be considered normal (and warranted) in such circumstances.

Fuck it.

Time to make a new friend or die trying. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why.

Aug. 1/20

Dear Jane,

I finally got the time to write in here and you may be wondering why I have named you. Well, after the conversation at roughly 4:30 AM, here are things that’ve changed in a disorganized list. None is more important than the other. I'm just writing what comes to my head.

One: Barnes said he doesn’t really let anyone call him James. I called him James once because I forgot. Profuse apologies followed. He said it was okay and didn’t mind me calling him that. Now, in my mind, I think he’s just saying this to be polite and really just wants me to call him Bucky but he seemed sincere. We’ll see how it goes.

Two: Barnes was awake because his cat woke him up. I didn’t even know he had a cat but it’s a gorgeous white cat named Alpine that Barnes carries around in his half-zipped up hoodies sometimes. It’s adorable. He’s super soft and friendly and I love him already. He showed me all the tricks Alpine could do. Amazing.

Three: Barnes’ favourite movie is the Godfather. Totally surprising there. Please tell me you understand sarcasm.

Four: He said he liked the name Jane when I told him what I was doing up and also in the rec room (couldn’t sleep, writing in my diary) and that I didn’t want to say “Dear diary”

“Why don’t you just give it a name?” he eloquently suggested and Jane was his answer to my question of “Which name?”

Five: Barnes, or James, I guess he is now, is my friend.

Six: We said we’d meet up at 4:30AM or earlier again because I told him I wanted to show him my s’mores dip recipe.

Seven: Wish me luck. Hope I don’t get murdered.

Eight: I think I might be in love with him.

Bye.

Aug. 5/20

Dear Jane,

In an effort to summarize what has happened in the past four days, I will open with the fact that James Buchana Barnes is the cutest motherfucker on the planet. He’s super old fashioned, but that’s a given. He opens the doors for me, offers to take my bags up, and in the past four days, we’ve met up at around midnight to just eat and chat. Then he walks me back to my room with a glass of water and I’m left fanning myself because it’s so sweet and he’s so sweet and OH, MY GOD, I am a child.

This feels like a crush. Like, butterflies in my stomach, self-conscious every time he looks at me, can’t stop staring, and wanting to impress him at every turn sort of crush.

AKA, a middle-school crush and I feel completely ridiculous but that is besides the point because he’s just the loveliest person.

Someone should tell him chivalry is dead. Steve thinks he’s just being sweet on me, and Sam says I should flash some ass just to get a rise out of him which would be funny. He’d look absolutely adorable blushing his head off.

We’ll see. I am considering it.

What else happened? I’m drawing a huge blank.

As explained in a previous entry, I was to show Barnes my s’mores dip recipe. Huge success. Crowd loved it. That’s how I learned he has a huge sweet tooth like me. Got an email from Pep about a board meeting which I ignored. If it’s really important, she’ll see me in person. Went swimming with Sam. We started planning Tony’s big Christmas party even though that’s MONTHS away.

But, you know. We’re so busy all the time, it might be worth it planning ahead.

As head of R&D, it’s vital to me that this goes well because they’re fun when they do go well, and a chaotic disaster when they don’t. Also, I have to find a date but details will follow.

I think that’s it.

If there’s more to follow, then I’ll just come back but there really isn’t.

Oh, Alpine found my room. He’s in here right now and he snores. It’s cute, just like his owner.

Okay, goodnight.

Aug. 7/20

Dear Jane,

Sam, James, and I went swimming.

Pro of the day: James is ripped and that man was GLISTENING.

Con of the day: I AM STUPID in front of hot ripped men.

Pro of the day: We got ice cream together. Strawberry for me, mango for James because he wants to try new flavours, and Sam ordered some monstrosity with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and raspberry syrups, and a bunch of banana slices. A swirl of whipped cream to finish it off. It looked like diabetes in a cup and that’s coming from me.

Con of the day: James used his thumb to wipe the ice cream off my lip and my brain short-circuited. Sam teased us about it, but James very stubbornly and convincingly said we’re just friends.

Con of the day x2: We are just friends and that is NOT going to change. I cannot explain how much my heart literally fell out of my body in disappointment.

God, and James and I are meeting up at 2AM tonight so he can show me this new stupid stuffed celerey recipe he learned.

It’s not stupid.

It’s really, REALLY cute he researched it.

This sucks.

Aug. 11/20

The worst day ever. I don’t want to talk about it but might as well make a note on it. More on it later, I guess.

Aug. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry, I’m dramatic. Must get it from working with Tony for so many years.

Let’s just review what occurred on August 11, 2020, at approximately 3:23 in the afternoon.

I learned that James went out on a date. A DATE. From SAM. When James had ample opportunity to tell me at our regular meeting at witching hour over celery sticks.

EXCUSE ME? WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

I’m not even mad. I’m just angry that the man I became friends with only 2 weeks ago and caught feelings immediately for is seeing other people.

I sound like a raging bitch. I promise you, Jane, that I am not. I’m just the insanely jealous type.

No, I’m not.

God, what is happening to me and why does it have to be James.

I never get crushes and the instant I do, it’s for the most emotionally and physically unavailable person ON EARTH.

Also, work was work. I was distracted, drank soup from the canteen, and generally accomplished nothing. Alpine came for some snuggles while James was out. That’s the only good thing.

Thanks, universe.

Aug. 16/20

Dear Jane,

So, I brought up this mystery lady over homemade sundaes.

James seems pretty serious about her because he a) apologized for not telling because he wanted to keep it private and asked me not to tell anyone and b) has a second date with her later today.

Oh, GOD. There is no point to this.

Aug. 19/20

Dear Jane,

What’s the point of asking someone intimate, personal questions if not because you guys are best friends?

James called me his best friend today. He says he knows me, but if he did, he’d know I feel like throwing up whenever he’s around and that his stare burns through every layer of clothing until I feel like he just knows my secret.

I told him we’ve known each other less than a month, but he said something stupidly charming about “intuition” and feeling and that this feels right and how he knows he can tell me anything and that I was an easy person to talk to.

I should’ve been a shrink.

At least, my trip to Wakanda is going to give me distance. A solid two months of no one else but me, tech, and new faces. Going there to collaborate with Shuri is definitely exciting and taking up more space in my brain than James these days.

Maybe I’ll fall in love with some soldier over there because apparently, I’m catching feelings willy-nilly these days.

See you on the plane, Jane.

Aug. 23/20

Dear Jane,

On the quinjet, it’s fairly quiet. It’s one of the things I love about it. The silent yet soft engines that can lull me to sleep. We should be arriving in a few hours so I thought I’d write. I’m getting the hang of this, I think.

There's a press conference later, too, in the trip with the UN and it’s not that I can’t handle it, but that I could’ve done this in my sleep and wished Tony sent someone else. I hate the press, not gonna lie.

Anyway, this gives me time to be introspective.

Is it just me or James always Okay, is it just my imagination that whenever I try to get close to James, he just kinda pulls away? Not in a romantic way. I’m not stealing anyone’s man because girl code, but he won’t even let me just stand near him anymore. It’s like I have an infectious disease only transmitted through physical contact and it’s just weird.

I don’t know.

Before I left, he said he’d miss me and that we should keep in touch through calls (Obviously, I would) and that he hopes I won’t forget him.

So, you say those things but you won’t even let me even hug you?

You’re a manipulative asshole, Barnes.

Oct. 20/20

Dear Jane,

I am so sorry that it has taken so long for us to reunite.

In hindsight, I’m a fucking idiot.

I left you on the quinjet which went back to New York and a different quinjet came to pick me up. I came back like two days ago so these past few days have been spent searching for you.

James offered to help, and he seems normal again.

Weird. Guess he was just in a mood with the new girlfriend and adjusting to having me as a friend, too. Guys go through that, I guess.

In Wakanda, I did not, in fact, fall in love with a soldier or anything. I curse every day that I didn’t, trust me. I’m just as disappointed as you are because I just want to get over this stupid crush. For the two months I was gone, it was like I didn’t like James at all like that. Even during calls, I could pretend we were just two teammates keeping each other in the loop. He talked about his girlfriend, I listened, I explained science because he’s a nerd, and he asked questions like he was interested.

It was FINE.

Then, he was waiting for me when I came back to NYC and it slammed into me like Bruce in Hulk-mode.

James asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend because she’d be coming around for the Halloween party anyway, and he thinks we’ll get along swimmingly.

He really said swimmingly. He is stuck in the wrong era, but we all knew that.

I said yes, to be polite.

Here’s to hoping she’s a vindictive bitch and I am justified in hating her entire being.

Oct. 22/20

Dear Jane,

I met her. She’s small and pretty and mature and normal.

If I wasn’t stupidly in my feelings about James, I’d love her, too.

She’d treat him right, give him a good home to come back to.

Best not to notice the people fighting beside you in that way, I guess.

Oct. 25/20

Dear Jane,

God is dead and NO ONE has eyes on the road.

Jesus isn’t even taking the wheel on this one.

It’s a fucking disaster.

I do not want to describe in every little detail the intricacies of dreaming about James Buchanan Barnes fucking my brains out, so I won’t, but this is for the record that it happened and how the fuck am I supposed to come back and see him in his probably gorgeous attempt at his recreation of Brendan Fraser from the Mummy AKA my favourite movie (which HE KNOWS THAT IT IS?? GOD, the audacity.)

Girlfriend (his girlfriend. “Girlfriend” is the name which she shall be henceforth known as in these entries because petty wins are all I have right now) is dressing as Rachel Weisz. Because “couples goals” or whatever.

I wouldn’t know. Sam and I are dressed up as sexy salt and pepper shakers (his idea, not mine) and he made me take the salt stick because I think he knows. Steve’s not dressing up because he’s more focused on handing out candy as Captain America.

Tony is… Tony. Iron Man and all that.

Anyway, I’m out of town in DC for a meeting with the Secretary of State for a few days, but I’ll be back in New York on the 30th so I’ll have a few hours to adjust to being around James again before he dons on that outfit that I know will be totally hot.

He called me his best friend again in his latest email.

Made me smile like an idiot, but I digress.

Nov. 1/20

Dear Jane,

Halloween was killer. Sam and I won best duo for costumes because we’re that good. Ate a lot of candy and it seems to be looking up.

I dunno. I didn’t mind James and Girlfriend on the couch that much in the after-party. Mostly stuck by Nat and Sharon and Tony. An ood trio, but a fun one nonetheless.

It was fun, but I still have to go to work no matter how many jello shots and vodka gummy bears consumed.

Wish me luck, not that I need it.

Why do you think Tony hired me?

Nov. 4/20

Dear Jane.

Natasha said I smile at James in a way that utterly betrays every emotion I want to hide in my chest.

Note to self: Don’t smile at James, or at his jokes, or at anything he ever does again. Avoid him. Put a stopper on this friendship.

Note to note to self: I can’t. He just makes me smile whenever he’s around and he’s always around. There’s no simpler way to put it.

I’m gonna try this hiatus thing, though. Distance myself a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

Nov. 13/20

Dear Jane,

Day nine of this hiatus business and it sucks. I miss my best friend.

We’re scheduled for a mission together, and we’re leaving tomorrow so I was going to have to talk to him during the briefing and the op either way.

Well, glad to know this didn’t work.

Nov. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Guess who just got fucking shot!

ME!

Guess even scumbags can’t take a holiday because some stupid arms dealer got a cheap shot on me while I was downloading their whole computer system and other tech mumbo-jumbo I am too high to write about.

James left a few hours ago with the rest of the team, but not before he got me a bunch of ice chips and said he was worried and that he hopes I get better soon. He even promised to get me some flowers to spruce up the room and to say my HEART went CRAZY is an understatement.

He came to my rescue, essentially, as soon as he heard I got pinned. He carried me to the quinjet the instant he cleared the area and stayed by my side the whole time even though the bleeding stopped and I was in good hands. He was just so protective, barking at doctors and nurses. It was embarrassing but also really, really sweet.

Is it weird of me to say that I want him to stay by my side forever?

I’ve never fallen in love before.

Is it always this fast and this hard? I feel like I’m crashing instead of gently and wonderfully falling. Everything is dumb and awful.

Is this what love is like? Because it hurts worse than getting shot because I think I’m going to vomit flowers or butterflies or something.

God, he’d never love me. We’re just friends and even though we have a lot in common, he’d never. It’s just too much of the past in the present or whatever.

Also, he has a girlfriend but it seems very surface-level. God, that makes me sound like a “one of the boys” type of girl who’s a bitch to one of the boy’s new girlfriends, but I don’t know. James told me they don’t really talk about the deep stuff like we do. But she makes him happy, I think.

In hindsight, one may ask what the deep stuff is.

More on that later. I’m tired.

God, why him?

I HATE THIS.

goodnight.

Nov. 16/20

Dear Jane,

James visited again today. He sat beside me and we talked until the nurses had to kick him out. He also brought the flowers.

I asked about Girlfriend casually. I said I liked her.

He said he did, too.

I don’t know why I think he’s lying. No, I do.

It’s because jealousy is the green-eyed bitch from highschool who still shows up in my life because she thinks she’s relevant to society.

That was mean. Unrequited love makes you mean. Side effect noted.

P.S. The deep stuff includes his past, his arm, his memory, his favourite colour. I dunno why that matters. It just does.

Nov. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Got out of the hospital today because of advanced technology and all that. Nothing’s left but a scar and residual soreness. James helped me to my room and said to call him if I had a problem.

I joked that he has a girlfriend and for some reason, he got really weird about it. It’s hard to describe. I dunno. Nat dropped by for popcorn and movies.

It’s 2:32AM. I’m wondering if he’s in the kitchen but I’m confined to bed rest so I don’t know. Also, Nat is asleep beside me and I don’t want to bother her.

Hopefully I can get up and move in a few days. Life is boring.

Nov. 24/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry we haven’t caught up in a moment. Work’s been hectic and I’ve been working overtime trying to make ends meet. Most days I’m in the office or lab, just trying to get enough things done so I can take time off come Christmas.

James stopped by tonight with Chinese takeout and some sweet buns.

He broke up with his girlfriend, too.

Guess that’s why he was being weird about it.

I tried being as casual as I could asking why, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so I asked why he came by. Couldn’t be for the company because when I’m in work mode, I just don’t talk and he knows that.

He said something about his arm feeling funny so I gave it a quick diagnostics check.

I think both of us knew his arm was feeling fine.

Everything is stupid, life is meaningless, and James’ lips are the prettiest shade of pink in the ugly lights of the lab.

I would very much like to have kissed him, but I didn’t.

Girl code.

It’ll probably be a while before I get another chance to actually have time and energy to write another diary entry. Christmas season’s coming close and Pepper is gonna need help with the party.

Yay, me.

Dec. 4/20

Dear Jane,

Morgan asked me in less eloquent words if I had a boyfriend (it was more like “You boyfriend?” But whatever. Who even taught her that word?) and I swear to GOD Nat could not make it anymore obvious looking at James.

Remind me to absolutely throttle her. I don’t care if she’s the infamous Black Widow. She has clearly never seen me hopped up on nothing but a negative amount of sleep and rage/embarrassment/spite/all of the above.

On another note, Pep asked if I was bringing a plus one for the party. I said I’d think about it. Normally I’d just take Sam but he has his eyes on someone at the VA and I like my friends getting laid so no go there.

Might just go alone. I don’t know.

Pep said I should take James, but I don’t really think she knows the truth about that situation. Luckily, Tony instantly rejected the idea and said he’d find me a date if I couldn’t.

Thank the universe for at least placing me in the close circle of the most well-known and richest man in the world because he also gave me his card and said go wild.

He knows me so well. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping when I have another free day, and I’ll pay for that with my own money, of course, but clothes shopping is a free market.

I cannot wait.

Dec. 12/20

Dear Jane,

I wish I could show you my haul, but I got so much stuff Happy had to drive to help me. Besides obvious gifts, I also managed to snag a gorgeous dress for the party.

Thoughts on black and gold?

I think it’s beautiful. Hopefully Nat and Sharon think so. We’re having a girls night tonight and showing off outfits, so that’s exciting.

James asked if we could meet up tonight.

I told him I had plans and he looked so downcast.

I dunno. Everything feels weird between us. Like we’re fine, we’re best friends still, but something’s changed when no one was looking. He’s single now. I guess that energy is different because I had gotten used to his energy with ex-Girlfriend.

I don’t exactly mind but it’s not ideal either. I miss summer. It’s much less complicated than winter. Winter, one has to worry about wind and chills and snows blocking roads, black ice, dry skin, freezing fingers.

Summer: there’s just a lot of sun, wind, bugs, and the vaguest notion of being bored.

Look, I love winter. It’s my favourite season. It’s quiet and gorgeous and dreamy, even though it gets dreary in New York. The snow falls slowly sometimes, Christmas is gorgeous here, and I’d rather be cold than sweating buckets, and there are no bugs to bother me. Also, it gives me a good reason to stay in the labs or in my room where it’s warm and toasty.

I just miss the relative simplicity when James and I were just strangers on the edge of being friends, which is, in retrospect, a selfish reason to like one season and hate another.

Well, some philosopher somewhere probably said something about humanity being selfish.

Dec. 16/20

Dear Jane,

T-minus nine days until the party.

No date in sight.

Maybe I’ll ask Anderson from HR. We had coffee together a few times and he’s nice. Good catch: smart, not too bad looking, and really nice. I’ll head down tomorrow and ask.

Alpine had purred when I told him my plan and headbutted my hand, so I guess I got the Alpine-Seal-of-Approval.

Dec. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Operation: Ask Anderson from HR to Tony’s Christmas Party failed. Granted, it could’ve been because that was a god awful title and that that name, in itself, prophesied catastrophic failure, but also because I was accosted by my best friend.

I wish I meant Sam.

Nope. James caught me in the elevator and we made small talk. Sounds fine, right? Then we turned the topic to the party. Talked about clothes and prospective celebrity appearances and drinks and food. Just about everything, so might as well turn to talks about dates, which meant I had to explain why I was in the elevator in the first place.

Going down to ask Anderson ended in James revealing that he didn’t have a date either.

He doesn’t know who Anderson is, which I thought would be the case, and he popped the question before the doors opened.

Notice how I said “didn't” have a date.

Guess who’s going to the party with James, clearly stated as friends, platonic soulmates, etc.?

Me.

Yippee.

Dec. 18/20

Dear Jane,

It’s 3:42AM and I’m in the rec room as usual. I was gonna not write here today but it normally helps me sleep to just write a bit, get what little thoughts are in my head out. Yeah.

I hear James in the kitchen talking to Alpine and it’s making me smile like an idiot.

Oh, shit, he knows I’m in here. He’s making milkshakes.

I am morally obligated by best friend duties to join him.

Goodnight, Jane.

Dec. 24/20

Dear Jane,

I’m not sleeping with James Buchanan Barnes tomorrow night.

This is a resolute promise. An early New Year’s resolution.

Dec. 25/20

Dear Jane,

Merry Christmas!

In between jovial festivities, I’ve finally found a little nook that’s quiet enough to write in. We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, went skating and just lounged around, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Need to recharge the old social battery.

Among the assortment of gifts is one that stands out to me. James got me a gift that said “Open When Alone” and I did before I started this entry and it was a fucking necklace. Like, a gorgeous one. It’s gold and thin and it feels wonderful. There’s a little cat paw charm on it and it’s so pretty because he has a matching bracelet for himself and I have still not yet recovered.

It’s just so sweet and it reminds me why I love him.

Yes, love has made me unbelievably sappy. I just heaved the biggest sigh in history.

Unfortunately, I have to go earlier tonight. To the party, as written in previous entries. I remember my oath of one-night celibacy and I intend on keeping it, despite how fucking endearing this gift was, because he said it best: we’re just friends. I’m not about to coerce my best friend into sleeping with me out of a piteous, unrequited love. That’s just gross.

You will either see me hungover tomorrow, or very drunk later tonight. It’s all very depending on how this night turns out.

Dec. 26/20

Dear Jane,

Fuck.

P.S. He REALLY does not mind me calling him James. Take that as dirtily or as clandestinely as you wish.

Dec. 27/20

Dear Jane,

I spent the entire day in bed with very pleasurable company.

I am SO GLAD we haven’t gotten called in because James doesn’t leave unless to go to sleep in his own bed or to eat, and I do NOT want to explain to the team that James fucked my brains out for two days straight because my heart is bursting.

He’s a good kisser. His lips are soft.

Intimate knowledge of that is now burned into my memory for future reference.

God, this is a dream come true. He doesn’t even question it, he just

It’s like I’m a goddess to him. He treats me like one, at least, and it’s like he’ll do anything I ask. And we act like it’s normal, too. Midnight trips to the kitchen included.

Best Christmas ever.

Dec. 28/20

Dear Jane,

I feel like I’m ignoring you but I’m also having the best sex of my life. He’s just… so fucking good and it’s a holiday and holy shit my mind is blown.

Love at first meeting isn’t real.

Well, maybe this one time, it was destiny.

Dec. 29/20

Dear Jane,

It isn’t just the sex, you know? It’s the pillowtalk, too. He just makes me laugh so much and everything is so easy between us and it feels real. Popcorn and chips in bed, some mojitos, just each other’s presence. It’s enough like that, you know?

Some quote about how the one you love should be both your lover and your best friend is in my head but I’m too lazy to look it up. James’ head is in my lap and he’s just reading while I’m writing and everything seems perfect.

He doesn’t ask what I’m writing because he knows it’s private and I trust him.

This is perfect.

I think I really am IN love with him.

Jan. 1/21

You know that cliché/tradition of New Year’s kisses?

WELL THEN.

Best (and worst) New Year’s ever. I’ll explain more later. I’m too tired and too angry and also sore and bruised.

See you when I’m not hungover.

Jan. 5/21

Dear Jane,

I’m finally stable enough to write.

In a crazy turn of events, Barnes and I got into a fight because of what happened after New Year’s Day’s events: I caught him leaving before I woke up and at first, curious questions ensued, and it wasn’t a fight but then it became one and I don’t even know how it happened. I wasn’t even mad. He just started being weird and I got annoyed and we tried and failed to keep our voices down. Luckily, my room is pretty soundproof.

Things just got out of hand and I feel like tearing my hair out. I wanna storm up to him and just yell some more.

Tony came into my room and didn’t say shit about my hickies and the fact that James is avoiding me like the plague. He gave me a really good hug, though and then gave me a few weeks off extra. I don’t know how he knows, but then again, it’s Tony.

He just said love’s tough sometimes.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I’m thinking about just taking a long vacation and disappearing. It seems like a good route to take at this point.

Jan. 6/21

Dear Jane,

James is looking at me right now as I write this. I wonder if I should look back or if he’s going to come up to me. We’ll see.

I’m only writing this so it seems like I’m busy. I’m running out of things to say, honestly. Can he just go? What’s the point in staring like that? What’s the point?

I could ask myself the same question. What’s the point in loving someone who’ll never love you? Yeah, he’s sleeping with me but he pulls away every time I try to do something more. Outside the bubble of my room and the small time frame of post-11PM to around 4:45AM, he acts like he’s allergic to intimacy.

It was never like that with ex-Girlfriend.

Maybe it’s something to do with me.

I don’t know, but he keeps looking and I want to get up and leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna let him win.

Jan. 6/21

He didn’t. He just went out. Sam and Steve asked if I was okay because as soon as he left, I got up for the bathroom and screamed into a towel.

I don’t think either of them knows what’s going on, but they have a notion.

Jan. 9/21

Dear Jane,

He apologized. Still no explanation as to why, but it feels weird.

I told him I’m going on a vacation to Switzerland. Go skiing or something and asked if he wanted to come.

It was stupid to ask, but he said yes.

Shit.

Jan. 14/21

Dear Jane,

Switzerland is lovely.

No work is relaxing. Awkwardness between me and the other traveller on this vacation. Weather’s supposed to be nice when we get there. Sunny snow days, pretty mountains, other Swiss things.

No other comment.

Jan. 21/21

Dear Jane,

I lasted all of a week.

Yep, I slept with him again, and yes, he was back in his hotel bed come sunrise.

I dunno. I’m over it. We don’t apologize and hope everything gets back to normal because neither of us want to say anything to ruin it any further and we both have a major fear of the complicated. To be fair, he said he didn’t want to sleep with me if I was completely against it.

Also, I tried calling him Bucky at dinner like ex-Girlfriend (and everyone else) does and he made the most disgusted face.

He said, and I quote, “Bucky? When did I stop being James?”

I told him I was trying something out and he said it failed. Snarky bastard.

I guess if he’s still James, that must mean I’m still special.

That’s the Tony-inherited ego talking.

But it does make me exceptionally happy to play with the idea that I’m special to him. Best friend with convoluted benefits. Sounds like the title of a very long-winded self-help book that doesn’t really help much but that does sound like the story of my life so I can’t complain too much.

We’re going home in a few days.

I’ll probably sleep with him again. Bet Steve’s shield that I do.

Jan. 24/21

Dear Jane,

I get three Steve’s shields because I was right every single fucking day.

He’s like a habit I can’t quite kick and don’t really want to.

We snuggled afterwards last night. His arm was around my shoulders, we were naked, I was resting my head on his chest. For a moment, it felt like something couples do and then I fell asleep and woke up alone.

Quantum physics is easier to understand than this but I think we’re being mutually exclusive right now, so it’s almost dating.

I dunno. I don’t mind it anymore. It’s better than nothing.

Feb. 2/21

Dear Jane,

I’m absolutely miserable.

I’m still getting laid, but that’s not related. Correlation and causation or something.

Why is New York so dreary and when can everything just stop?

I don’t know. Winter is ending and now it’s in that awful transition phase between seasons and it’s mucky and rainy and disgusting. Tony got these limited edition ice cream flavours though so I’m gonna ask James if we can make milkshakes out of them or something.

He doesn’t like the muck either. That’s not really relevant, I guess.

Feb. 14/21

Dear Jane,

I got flowers and chocolate from the department because I think they can sense I’ve been in a bad mood since forever. Then, there was an anonymous delivery and inside was this gorgeous chain bracelet that matches the necklace sort of. I lied and told the department it was from Pepper.

What a wretched holiday.

Yours truly.

Feb. 18/21

Dear Jane,

Normally, when boys get their haircut, they look ugly for a day or two after.

Not James.

He got his hair cut shorter and he looks really good. Like unbelievably good. Short hair fits him just as much as long hair does.

No other observations.

Feb. 25/21

Dear Jane,

It was Morgan’s birthday party today. James came in one of those brown jackets with the sheepskin wool inside and he looked so good. We mainly stayed apart to prevent any dalliance because one does not disappear from the Madame Secretary’s birthday party and the team doesn’t really know what’s happening behind the scenes except for Nat and Tony, really.

I really wanted to kiss him in front of our friends. I caught him staring a few times, and every time, the smile seemed to vanish off his face.

I’m lying in bed and it feels pretty empty.

It occurs to me that I’ve been in love for a pretty long time and I’m not even in a relationship with the guy.

Energy could’ve been devoted to so many other things and I’d hate being in love if it weren’t for the fact that it’s James.

Again, love making me sappy and all that.

Feb. 28/21

Dear Jane,

Jane is such a common name. Some would call it plain yet it means gift from God.

I wonder if James knew that.

Mar. 10/21

Dear Jane,

It’s James’ birthday. Birthday sex is a requirement and a desire. I also got him a gift which is a pair of new black Timbs. I hope he likes them. I’m excited for cake, I guess. Morgan did my makeup but I’m gonna have to wipe it off for the small little party tonight.

I think, ordinarily, I’d be in knots because it’s James’ birthday and I love him and he’s my best friend, but I just don’t know. March is fairly boring and contemplative and rainy. Work is work. Helen Cho did a presentation on her Cradle technology. Very cool.

Mar. 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s raining and doesn’t feel like spring. Alpine vomited on my bed a few days ago because he’s not feeling well. James and I took him to the vet and he’s on antibiotics. Poor boy. He’s sleeping in the corner of my room right now while James is away on a mission. I think I’ll just work from my room for a bit until he’s feeling better.

Nothing much to report, which is why I didn’t write anything. The month passed by too quickly. James should be back by the end of the month. I miss him and not because of the sex. No one else who doesn’t work for me or pays me listens to me ramble on their own free will. Talking to screens just isn’t the same.

April 1/21

James got back really early this morning and I, by tradition, was awake. I sort of wish I wasn’t though. In true April Fool’s tradition, I made fun of him for being a day late to which he genuinely apologized. I told him to shower and get to sleep but he was in that mood where you’re so exhausted you’re wide awake.

James suggested we make really strong cocktails for each other as a celebration for an extraction mission completed successfully.

Who am I to say no to celebrating?

He really likes grapefruit juice so I made a REALLY strong Grapefruit Paloma. He made this really interesting drink that was purple and tasted like oranges and cranberries. A lot of blue curacao was in it so it was pretty bitter but it hit like a fucking truck which is probably why I didn’t understand anything he said at first.

He told me he loved me.

I think, somehow, he managed to get drunk after the Grapefruit Paloma and two more bottles of vodka. Don’t ask me how because Steve NEVER gets drunk. Maybe HYDRA-brand serum is faulty? I don’t know.

I asked if he knew what date it was. He laughed really loudly, said no, realized, stuttered apologies and then said it again.

It was the most perfect sound in the world and it was the best moment in recent history.

Or, the sickest practical joke.

Consensus not yet reached.

April 2/21

Dear Jane,

I asked if he remembered what happened yesterday morning.

He did not.

Sickest practical joke confirmed.

April 9/21

Dear Jane,

I’ve been avoiding writing because I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing. Everything is abysmal and James’ confession is all I can think about. Tony’s on my ass about slipping and he has half the mind to put me on paid leave until I get my shit together, both as the head of the department and as an agent.

Drunk words are sober thoughts, all that garbage.

I wish I could live my whole life drunk and honest. Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation where I’m stuck in eternal limbo with my best friend whom I’m in love with. Minus the drunk part.

Duty demands I return to this weathered journal until it’s finished so we’ll see. I might be back this month. Maybe not.

May 1/21

Dear Jane,

It rained a lot in April so now the flowers are blooming early. April showers bring May flowers. Guess it has some merit to it.

Limbo sucks. Its inescapable nature, its terrible facade of everything seeming fine when it really isn’t.

Of course, James still makes me smile, but nothing seems really okay when I let myself stop for a second.

I’m going out with Steve to a charity thing tomorrow. Should be a few hours worth of not thinking and free booze. Oh, and James and I made out in one of the quinjets after dinner today.

Felt weird considering we aren’t a couple, but it happened spontaneously as that is the nature of our relationship, it appears.

The cause also happens to be the cure of melancholy. Weird.

May 6/21

Dear Jane,

For context, it’s 5:23AM.

Went for a walk in Madison Square and then Central Park with James yesterday, although in my head it’s still today. We met up with Nat for some training at the gym. Got a bit mobbed by fans and the paps who asked if we were dating like we’re the tabloid’s biggest scoop.

We weren’t even holding hands, but I guess it’s just another reason why we shouldn’t be TOGETHER together in public.

We had another deep stuff talk again in bed after the usual business. I wanted to ask what this is between us and if he’s pursuing other options, because I’m not and I wanted to know if I should, but I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.

He was in a good mood today, and seeing as sometimes he has nightmares, I thought it was best I don’t ruin it. He thinks I don’t notice but how do I not notice? He’s my best friend.

I kissed his cheek when he got up to leave and he kissed me goodbye on the lips.

I guess that means something.

May 17/21

Dear Jane,

In a moment of complete boredom, I listened to Imagine Dragons’ new album. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but Sharon thought it could’ve been better. Whatever.

May 22/21

Dear Jane,

Ran into ex-Girlfriend today. She still has that whole sunshine thing going on still. We had coffee and she asked if I got together with James yet.

I choked on my coffee and nearly died on the spot.

That’s how I learned that James apparently broke it off softly and ex-Girlfriend had, very wisely and knowingly, said that he should chase the apple of his eye before I (the apple) rotted alone and forgotten at the trunk of the tree. Or, as any sane person would say (and ex-Girlfriend DID say), get picked from the tree by another hand.

She said it was quite obvious that I was in love with James even months ago. She also thanked me for being so nice, anyway, and that it must’ve been difficult. What a fucking SAINT.

I set her up with a date with Steve because they have the same energy, honestly, and that’s going down on the 26th barring any emergencies.

Call me Cupid, but I think I just constructed the perfect match made in heaven.

Mentioned this meeting to James minus the apple detail. He asked if she was doing okay, which she was, and seemed glad for that. Between kisses and his sneaking hand beneath the covers, he also asked if there was anything else. Not really much to say on that front.

June 3/21

Dear Jane,

It’s starting to dry up consistently, now. It’s getting warmer, too. Sam brought me flowers and told me to at least turn the air-con on if I was gonna be stuck in the lab all day. Oh, the simplicities of summer are hopefully returning. Got out early and hung out with Morgan at the park in the evening.

It’s nice to hang out with someone so blissfully unaware with the stupidity of love. All Morgan cares about is grass and buttercups she grabs from the ground. She doesn’t have to worry about how to tell the guy she’s in love with that she loves him.

Oh, didn’t you hear? Nat said I should just buck the fuck up and tell him.

And Nat is scary when not listened to.

Much to brainstorm about.

June 14/21

Dear Jane,

Just here to brainstorm some ideas for future Stark Industries projects and thought I’d preface it with a small diary entry. Nothing really happened. Work’s catching up for some reason and bad guys are acting up. I’ve pulled a few all nighters, not gonna lie.

Really tired, but in a good, productive way. Haven’t thought much on the James front. Gonna have to focus on that after everything calms down.

June 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s officially summer and yet today was awful with only subtle hints of being okay.

So much for simplicity.

In the evening, I read on the hammock on the balcony. No one really bothered me except James, but he’s never a bother.

Steve and ex-Girlfriend (who will now be reidentified as Girlfriend) are pretty cute, and she meshes well with the group. There’s nothing really awkward between her, James, or me, so I guess two people’s summers are going well. Bully for them.

Didn’t really eat. Was too busy working. James got me dinner. Didn’t feel right and just kept working. This whole agreement between us has been very flexible but we really need to fit in a session soon.

I’ll make it work somehow.

June 22/21

Dear Jane,

I got my wish and didn’t at the same time. We spent the whole day in the sheets (very blissfully relaxing) and I, stupidly and with very little sleep, let it slip.

In less elegant terms, I told him I loved him. It felt very real and genuine and very-out-of-a-movie, but his reaction was less so.

What did I say? Allergic to intimacy.

He tried to play it off as best friends and even that was uncomfortable, but I, very seriously and very foolishly, corrected him that “no, James Buchanan Barnes, I am IN LOVE with you.”

He left a few minutes ago, saying something about heading down to the gym, but I know he’s just trying to avoid me.

God, how am I so stupid?

June 25/21

Dear Jane,

I haven’t seen James in a few days. I thought he was avoiding me but turns out he’s out of the country. Something about protection for whatever dignitary is travelling at the end of the month. I don’t know.

I wasn’t assigned to that op so the details weren’t shared liberally. Sam just said it’d be a while during the ambassador’s entire stay. High threat level which is why the Avengers were contracted.

I just hope he stays safe. I know he probably took off to take his mind off things, but I don’t know how he’s focusing when all I can think of is those three little words.

I love you.

Seems so fake the more I hear it in my head, but his reaction was so real that I think I might’ve just irreversibly messed things up.

July 12/21

Dear Jane,

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. If future me finds this with blotted words, it’s because I am indeed crying while writing this.

James was medically evac’ed last night and transferred back to New York. Helen Cho was flown in from her medical conference in Minnesota where she was showcasing the newest version of the Cradle.

There was an assasination attempt and James is fucked up bad.

Holy shit, I’m so scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s like an invisible demon has my heart in his claw-like hands and he’s squeezing with all his might. I think my heart might explode.

I just want to hold his hand but he’s so high risk no one’s allowed to see him right now.

The waiting room is too quiet. Steve’s holding on to Girlfriend’s hand so hard I think her bones are broken but she’s taking it like a champ. Nat’s pacing, slowly patting a sleeping Morgan who she’s carrying. Sam and Tony are talking about stuff.

It’s too quiet.

I’m so scared.

July 13/21

They got him into the Cradle. Thank God. I think I might cry some more out of relief, but he was conscious for a few minutes earlier and he’s stable now.

It’s really late at night but they extended privileges to me to stay with him so I’m just sitting here, writing. Listening to the Cradle do its thing and the monitors do theirs.

When he was conscious, I was with him. He said some stuff under his breath but the one thing I could make out was “I’m an idiot.”

Granted, he’s right. It was supposed to be Steve or Tony on that mission. You know, people with more defense op experience, but he had to go out and volunteer himself.

I feel sort of guilty.

It’s partially my fault, isn’t it?

I think I’ll try to tuck in for tonight. I wanna be awake when he wakes up, too.

July 14/21

Dear Jane,

James woke up today. He’s still in the Cradle (lots of internal damage spread throughout the body) but he’s conscious. He saw me and immediately tried to sit up which was sweet, but when he couldn’t, he just told me to come closer and then told me that he loved me.

I called him an idiot for running away. I told him he really scared me. I told him that I loved him so fucking much. I told him that I feel so guilty and he just held my face and said that it will never be my fault.

He’s so fucking romantic, even when he’s lying down with a wound being stitched closed live in front of my eyes.

Oh, and he kissed me. I don’t think I noticed how much I actually missed him until that moment.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s a mixture between super happy and super scared and super, super warm inside. Summer might be looking up.

July 18/21

Dear Jane,

We got home today. James is staying in my room. The team doesn’t say anything about it. We’re best friends, after all, but I think they’ve known for a long time that there’s something more. Some of them are just too polite to say so.

I won’t have much time to write over the next couple of days. James has to be kept on a strict, extremely healthy diet and medicine regime.

I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s home.

He’s kissing me a lot more, now. Alpine likes the fact that his two humans are now in the same room. He purrs so loudly, I can hear him from where he’s dozing, curled up underneath James’ chin. He (James) is resting after his second round of antibiotics for the day while I work from my room, and sometimes I catch myself looking back just to make sure he’s okay.

I’m going to go kiss him now.

Be right back.

July 21/21

Dear Jane,

It’s almost Nat’s birthday (the 26th). Super exciting. James is back on solids and I’m helping him around with walking. Even with the Cradle and the healing factor, he’s still super banged up, so it’s better safe than sorry.

We had a really long talk about love and stuff. It’s good to finally have it out in the open. It was mostly me talking about my side of things and he just nodded a lot. I know he was listening though.

We also kissed a lot, like seventeen year old couples who are heavy on the PDA, but within the privacy of my room. I dunno. I like the heat of his arms and the way he kisses the shell of my ear when he’s bored or it’s a commercial break.

It feels very natural.

I am very much in love with him.

I tell him that and he always looks skeptical, but whatever. He doesn’t have to say it back (I tell him that there’s no pressure) and he’ll get it through his thick skull eventually that he’s now stuck with me.

July 25/21

Dear Jane,

We made cookies in the early AM as tradition for the party tomorrow and I told him that I love him (again, but this time he didn’t run, nor has he the past few times. Fantastic).

While the cookies were baking, he explained everything on his side of the story: how he was scared to be vulnerable, how opening up to me is just different and new and scary and I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to think you don’t deserve good things and sabotage feels like the only way to save everyone from hurt.

He smiled a lot more after that. I guess he’s just glad I get it.

One day, I’ll successfully convince James that he deserves everything good this world has to offer.

Until then, I’ll just keep trying.

P.S. He said, with less hesitation than the first time, that he loves me, too. Best. Day. Ever.

P.P.S. The cookies are so good and I want to devour them all. I could barely stop James from eating all of them. Again: Best. Day. Ever.

July 26/21

Dear Jane,

In summary of today:

Happy birthday, Natasha.

James has been given the clear bill of health which is exciting. Also, I asked him about the Jane and gift of God thing.

He knew. “Intuition” and all that. He also said I looked “like a royal dame” in my swimsuit. Smug idiot just trying to be charming.

I love him and that’s the only reason it works.

Back to the festivities.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

Good morning to you and to James who’s still in my bed at a ripe 6:23AM, fast asleep.

Progress. Now, back to sleep.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

It’s now 9:49AM and James greeted me with orange juice and waffles. He said I was cute when I slept. Creep.

He also said he tried so many times to stay in my bed after, before we were like we are now, but he never could, and now he’s upset that he missed out on my cute sleeping/waking up for the day face every time he did so.

He is exceptionally cute when he’s pouting.

I think we’re officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’ll work out the semantics on that later. For now, it’s another summer day together. He suggested Chinese takeout for dinner because I have to go dip back into the lab later today to check on some samples.

I agreed and he kissed me in promise like it was our “thing.” I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

Massive progress.

July 28/21

Dear Jane,

He told me I was the only one for him.

Also, he kissed me in front of our friends for the first time. Natasha yelled “FINALLY” and pushed us into the pool. Sam laughed and then I grabbed him and threw him into the pool. Ensuing: a water fight for the ages.

For a day: 10/10

July 31/21

Hey Jane,

I think I’m happy.

I’m sorry I ever doubted the effects of writing down my feelings.

James has a romantic trip to uptown planned for our first date and he said it’ll take the whole day so I thought I’d get this entry in the morning. I dunno. It’s really early and the happy thought was the first thing that came to my head.

Weird, but it’s a good weird.

See you in a bit.

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pillow-anime-talk · 4 years

Text

busy boys.

request: hello! im pretty new to this like ask thingy.. but i really really like your writing so much! especially the tatsuya one! can i request like an angst with aomine or seijuro being too busy with their practices and games that the reader is very neglected so she feels sad about it and it ends with a nsfw? like a make up scene? thank u so much!

# tags: scenarios; current relationships; aged up; angst; smut; maybe some fluff; nsfw

warnings: mention of sex or sexual activities; semi-public sex, tits play, dirty talk, hair pulling, blow/handjob, praise kink, pet names

includes: female reader ft. daiki aomine & seijuurou akashi {knb}

author’s note: thank youuuuuu so much :(((

— DAIKI

“Y/N-chan?” You turned to look at Momoi who approached you. “Do you... have a moment?”

“Sure, Momoi-chan.” You smiled gently and then grabbed her hand to move closer to the window, ‘cause you don’t want to disturb the other students who were walking at the hall. “What happened?”

“I know we’re all busy by final exams right now, but... It’s about Dai-kun...” She started shyly, and you sighed tiredly. “I feel like we’re in first grade once again! Daiki doesn’t come to trainings again. He’s rude to other students and managers. Could you please... Could you please talk to him? We have an important game against Shuutoku soon and we need to train to get it right. If Daiki-kun doesn’t start coming to training, the trainer will get upset on all of us...” She said sadly, and you nodded, understanding the problem.

“Recently we have... quiet days with Daiki.” You sighed and the pink-haired girl looked up at you in shock. “But I’ll talk to him, of course. I’ll do what I can, Momoi.”

“Thank you, really.” She breathed a sigh of relief, then took your hand. “Today we’re training again, so Daiki should be on the roof after classes. Let’s hope he agrees to come. He may even be late, but it’s important that he shows up on gym. It will mean a lot to our team.”

You nodded, smiling warmly at her. You said again that after lessons you would go talk to the ace of the squad, then you said ‘Goodbye’ to her and went to your class for Japanese literature lesson. Of course, you were planning in your head how to ask Aomine to play with the team again.

{ ･ﾟ✧ }

You packed your books to your bag and then left the classroom. One of your close friends asked if you wanted to come back with her, but you refused, saying that you need to talk to your boyfriend.

So, without waiting for anything, you made your way to the roof of Touou High School. Fortunately, the weather was nice and there was no wind, so you smiled a little as you felt the pleasant rays of the sun on your face. But then you quickly reached the ladder to climb onto the next, much smaller roof. This is where Daiki usually slept; no matter if he should be in class or training.

And, of course, he slept there, safe and sound, immensely content and as if not worried about the consequence. You coughed softly, grabbing the attention of the basketball player.

“Oi. Y/N.” He said, then closed his eyes again. “Satsuki sent you to me?”

“So mean.” You grunted as you put your hand on your hip. “Why don’t you go to training again? What happened?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just don’t want. I’m bored there.” He replied lowly, yawning.

“And yet, when you have free time, you play alone on the basketball court in the park and you won’t even write to me, asking if I would like to go out with you. You can’t fool me, do you know that? You still love basketball, you just don’t have a good opponent once again. And that’s funny because you’re going to be playing another match soon. Interestingly, supposedly this will be the Midorima-kun’s team. Without training, I don’t think you can handle his and Takao-kun’s three-point shoots.”

“I can handle it. I always win.” He muttered, and you chuckled under your breath, shaking your head in disbelief.

“I don’t think so, but fine. What do I have to do to get you to training. You worry your friend and the rest of the team.” You took a deep breath as you looked at the orange-yellow sun. “I just want you to spend more time with people who like and love you.”

“I don’t know Y/N. Maybe if you gave me a blowjob I would go, but now let me sleep. I’m so fucking tired.” He still had his eyes closed, so he didn’t see your disgusted expression, but after a while you clicked your tongue.

‘I promised Momoi. I promised Momoi. I promised Momoi. I’m doing it for Momoi-chan. Only for Momoi-chan.’ You kept repeating in your head, taking off the panties that were hidden under your navy blue skirt. You quickly put them in the school bag, which you placed gently on the ground. And then you walked towards Aomine, almost on stiff legs, begging no one to climb onto the roof.

Then you sat on your boyfriend’s thighs and immediately took off his pants. Your movements woke Aomine who opened one eye.

“I can’t believe you want to do this.”

“I’m not giving you a blowjob, you disgusting bastard.” You grunted as you finally removed his pants and boxers. You quickly grabbed his huge dick in your hand. “After that you go to training, do you understand?” You snarled as you moved forward. You guided the head of his thicc cock at your entrance, then slowly fell down, moaning. You closed your mouth quickly with one hand. Daiki, on the other hand, smiled as he caught your hips.

“If you do it right, I can go to training.”

“You little bitch.” You grunted as you tugged on his tie. “You have to go to training and to the match with team.”

“Only if you’ll ride my cock well, doll. Show me how much you care about it, then I’ll think about it.” He smiled disgustingly as he allowed himself to unbutton your uniform shirt. “Oi, oi. Is it for me?” He asked, running a finger over the white, delicate lace. “Cute.”

You jumped on the boy’s thighs, riding him calmly. “Why haven’t you been writing to me in the last few days?” You asked softly while purring at the pleasant touch of your boyfriend’s hand on your chest.

“I don’t know, I’ve been busy.”

“Busy with playing on court with your own stupid ass, basketball lover?” You were teasing.

“Shut up.” He growled as he tucked his fingers under your bra. After a while you felt his fingers squeeze both of your tits. You rested your own forehead on his shoulder, still rolling your hips. After a while, however, your moves became faster, almost desperate, and your boobs jumped in his hands, bringing a smile to his tanned face.

A second later, a warm tongue wrapped around one of the hard nipple, and your walls tightened on the basketball player’s cock, making him grow throaty.

“Basketball lover likes it when his girlfriend rides his cock, huh?” You laughed, tugging at his hair and causing his face to look straight at yours. “If you will be a polite, big boy and you don’t let me down, I’ll do that more often.”

“Stop teasing me.”

“Why?” You pulled on him even tighter, still jumping on his narrow hips. “Don’t you like when I glorify your basketball skills? When I admire you in your Touou basketball outfit? You don’t even know how I like the shorts you wear at matches. My dream is to be fucked by the number 5 basketball player in his jersey.”

A few simple sentences and you immediately felt the warmth spreading inside you. I don’t think you ever got Aomine to come so fast. You smiled triumphantly.

“Och. Are you out of shape because we haven’t seen each other for such a long time?” You laughed.

“Shut the fuck up. Second round.” He grabbed your hand, but you just kissed him on the thin lips and stood up.

“After training. Of course, if you show up there, basketball lover.”

“I’ll go! Shit, okay, I’ll go!” He growled loudly, wiping the sweat off his forehead and neck. “You’d better be prepared for this jersey fuck.”

— SEIJUUROU

Akashi has always had a lot stuff to do; family matters, student council, school and his passions, including basketball, shogi, piano and violin. That’s why there are times when both of you didn’t talk for two or three days. You fully understood him and often between lessons, before the breakfast break, you would leave a bento on his desk with a small piece of paper on which you would write that he ‘should take care of himself and not skip meals’. Seijuurou always appreciated it, but he couldn’t say it out loud. However, you didn’t blame him.

This time, however, your boyfriend didn’t talk to you for more than three days. He hadn’t said a single word in your direction all week, nor did he write a message, which was strange to him, because he always thanked you for the breakfast you brought him. But not this time.

You felt a bit bad about that fact. In addition, you knew that the next Winter Cup games were coming; you wanted to support your man in this, but maybe... he didn’t want to? You sighed softly as you bit your pen.

You have decided that when you finish your homework, you will visit him at his residence.

{ ･ﾟ✧ }

Half an hour ago you said ‘Goodbye’ to your mom and said you’ll be back tonight or tomorrow after dinner (because is Friday right now so you have a weekend for yourself). Your parents liked Akashi very much, so they didn’t worry about how much time will you spend with him, by the way. They trusted him; the more that he always drove you to your home after all your dates.

So now you were standing in front of the big house. You rang the bell and greeted the housekeeper on the other side, saying your name and the reason for coming. Everyone in the residence knew you well and the old lady gladly let you in and then offered you some white tea. Of course you thanked but also saying that you came to see Seijuurou ‘cause you were worried about him. The woman nodded, saying that she wouldn't come upstairs to not disturb you two. You bowed and started walking towards the huge chestnut stairs that led up.

And then you knocked on a well-known door and walked in as soon as you heard ‘Come in’.

“Sei.” You smiled gently as you locked the door. “I’m don’t bother you?”

“Y/N. What are you doing here? It’s late.” He got up from his chair and put down the book he was reading, then walked towards you.

“It’s fine. I just wanted to see if everything was okay. We haven’t spoken recently... You understand.”

The pink-haired boy nodded and sighed delicately as he grabbed your hand. After a while he kissed your knuckles.

“I’m sorry, love. Due to the Winter Cup and trainings, I have no time or desire for anything else. I’ll try to be better. Maybe you want some tea? We’ll talk and then I’ll drive you to home back.” He replied honestly, and you just stroked his cheek and shook your head, surprising him. “So what do you want to do?”

“Can we hug? I missed you so much.” You asked softly, at which he smiled fondly and nodded once again. After a while you pulled him onto his bed and nestled against his chest, breathing calmly.

You spent a few longer seconds this way until you tilted your head back and kissed the basketball player on the lips. He kissed you back, of course, and you quickly lifted your body to sit on his thighs. You embraced the eighteen-year-old’s neck gently, and he placed his hands on your hips. You pressed your crotch a little harder on him, making a soft hiss.

After a while you directed your mouth to Akashi’s sharp jaw and warm, pale neck. You stroked his hair and neck without rushing, and kissed him at the same time. From time to time you were coming back to his tasty mouth, purring with pleasure. At one point, you felt a pleasant shiver as Akashi ran his hands over your thighs, squeezing the soft skin.

You moved away a little and then lay on your stomach, right in front of your boyfriend’s pants. The basketball player looked at you in surprise.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?” You smiled as you slide down his tracksuits and then his underwear as well. “Let me take care of you. You deserve it after all this hard work.” You said softly, looking down. “Anyway, I can’t leave you now.” You added teasingly, grabbing his half-hard dick with your hand.

At first you turned him on with your hand; your slow, steady moves made Akashi close his eyes while stroking your fluffy hair. You took your time, knowing that you both didn’t like it. Only after a long moment did you lean in, kissing his head; then you opened your mouth, sucking hard the tip of his cock.

You ate him like a pro, sometimes helping yourself with your both hands, because let’s face it, your boyfriend is big. He may be the lowest in his basket team, but he definitely has a lot to offer. That’s why you used to have serious problems with satisfying him because you were choking before. Luckily it was fine now, so from time to time you looked up at your very satisfied boyfriend’s face. His eyes were closed, and his hand moved to your ruddy cheek. You smiled as you kissed his head once more, then stepped back, still working your hand.

“Such a good boy. You’re wonderful and beautiful, baby.” You praised him by squeezing his thigh lightly. “You can definitely handle training and matches, I believe it, Sei. There is nobody better than you.”

“Y/N...” His cheeks flushed slightly which was a rare sight. Whenever you praised him, Akashi felt like he had a third personality who likes to be submissive.

“My lovely boy is so brave. I’ll show you how much you mean to me and how much I missed you. Never leave me alone for so long again, okay?” You grunted as you folded another kiss and then put his wet cock in your mouth again.

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missskzbiased · 4 years

Text

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (7)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader X Han X OC

WC: ~ 4,2K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)

Updates: I’ll update it once a week [Tuesdays] because I still have to write the chapters to come and review the ones I already wrote

/////

You pressed your finger firmly against the doorbell button.

You couldn’t help but bounce your leg anxiously, chewing the tender skin from your inside cheeks, lowering your head as you expected Hyunjin to open the door. You couldn’t say last night ended well for both of you. Actually, you could say quite the opposite of it. The night ended with him wanting to drop you out of the car and not speaking a word to you. Not even a goodbye when he dropped Paris on her bed.

Not even a glance.

Now, you were standing right in front of his door, waiting for him to open the door and begin the most awkward meeting you would have in your whole life. You were supposed to get along and make a great essay, understanding each other and Paris… You couldn’t be farther from this. Deep in your heart, you knew that there was just one way to end this meeting today: One of you would be seeing a doctor.

And you didn’t mean a real psychologist.

You never thought you would feel relief wash over you by seeing an angry shirtless Chan opening the door abruptly, brows furrowed as he leaned on the doorframe, hand grabbing your wrist and pulling it from the doorbell.

But there you were.

Thank God.

You still had a few minutes before facing Hyunjin right now.

“Okay, you need to stop pressing this damn button every time you come here or I’ll get rid of your fingers” He threatened, letting go of your hand and stepping aside so you could come in “And both of us know that you need your fingers” He mocked, making you roll your eyes and your head, utterly done with him.

“Incredibly funny as always” You grimaced “Are you this needy to have a finger up in your as—?“ Before you could finish your sentence, Hyunjin made his presence known, clearing his throat as he watched both of you with disgust plastered on his face, arms crossed as he leaned on the wall.

“Could you guys spare me from watching your mating antics?” He sneered “We should be discussing Paris’s problems not flirting semi-naked on the hall” You scoffed, looking at Chan to check if it was just you or Hyunjin really lost half of his brain at some point in his life. Where the hell were you flirting with Chan? You would never flirt with Chan in your life.

“That’s disgusting” Chan voiced first, twisting his face in disgust as he looked at you, probably picturing a scenario where both of you would try to get on each other’s pants “Also, I’m kinda offended you think I would try to mate like this, I can do way better” He looked back at Hyunjin, who laughed at this, nodding like he didn’t believe in him.

“Whatever! let’s just get started with this” He shrugged, looking at you warily. You could feel the tension between you two, eyes meeting and averting a couple of times before you cleared your throat, not moving an inch. He looked away, seeming interested in analyzing something in the kitchen as if he never saw it before, even though there was nothing new.

Chan closed the door, narrowing and darting his eyes from you to him, suspicious.

“Should I ask why it looks like you guys fucked last night and regretted it this morning?” You frowned, looking at him questioningly, palms up and a shaking head that silently asked what the hell as you met his eyes “Are you going to say that this is normal?” He asked incredulously, gesturing at both of you with his palms up, an accusing stare in your way.

“It’s the same as always, Chan, She was being an ass to me” Hyunjin grimaced looking in your way. You could almost touch the contempt in his face… Actually, you should just do it… Wipe it off his face with your own hands… Smack it off of him.

No, you were better than that.

“I’m being an ass?” You scoffed “You were the one who kept being rude! You know far too well that I’m trying to be friendly to you!” You accused, and Chan looked surprised, brows shooting up as he looked at you in wonder.

“You’re trying to be friendly to him? Why?” His tone was so amazed that you almost felt offended for a moment, and it must have shown in your face because he promptly tried to explain himself “No! I mean—… Actually, that’s exactly what I meant, sorry” He smiled sheepishly, making you snort.

“You know what? I don’t know” You admitted, looking at Hyunjin in utter disappointment, “I thought I should bond with him since we’re working together… Paris seemed so sure he was a good person too… But I guess some things never change“ You scoffed, averting your eyes and shaking your head frustrated.

Actually, some things do change.

Now you could tell it wasn’t about projecting anymore.

It was him.

You just didn’t like him.

“Oh? Like what?” He smiled obnoxiously, clasping his hands as he looked at you “Enlighten me” He challenged, approaching you, tilting his head and grimacing “Oh, our greatest source of information, the only one human being that can hold all the knowledge in the world! Never once wrong! Please, voice your thoughts for us mere mortals!” His voice dripped with sarcasm, eyes mocking you as he crossed his arms and stood right in front of you, straightening his back so he could look taller.

“I don’t think that’s how you should discuss your essay” Chan pointed out, looking at the both of you, concerned “Maybe we should sit down and drink some water? Take a break? Try to –“ He couldn’t finish his sentence, though, because you interrupted him, ignoring him completely as you faced Hyunjin, your own back straightening so you could look more like a threat.

“No, no! He’s right, Chan!” You laughed humorlessly, clasping your own hands, mimicking him, eyes fixed and burying into his on a silent war for Power going under your gazes “Maybe we can even write it on the essay! How we perceive each other, hm? What do you think, Hyunjin?” You gave him a tight smile, face twisting in discontent.

“I think it’s a great idea” He agreed, returning your smile “Maybe I should write about how you’re an insufferable bitch? Someone that has to have the last word and think she’s so much better than everyone around her! What do you think? Does it ring a bell?” You scoffed, offended, looking away from him for a split of a second, and poking your cheek with your tongue.

“Sounds good to me” You agreed, looking back at him “Maybe I should write how you’re a fuckboy that can’t bond with a damn human being? An attention whore that is too afraid to admit that he doesn’t have a damn friend because he doesn’t –“ You choked, the sudden impact on your back strangled your sentence, your eyes widened as you looked at his.

You didn’t even register what happened.

At one moment you were standing there, arguing with Hyunjin, prepared to slap him with each word that came out of your mouth, and at the next one, you felt his body ramming into yours, interrupting you. You blinked, startled, missing how you got so fast to the wall ─ the cold surface against your back and the sudden impact made you jolt your body, mind totally fogged ─, suddenly feeling his body pressing yours, cornering you there.

“So I have a problem with bonding?” He sneered, face so close to yours that you couldn’t really focus at first, and you didn’t even have the chance as he approached his face to your ear, his black hair in front of your eyes “Do you know the best way to bond with someone? Sex” He whispered against your ear, his tone breathy and smug “I’m just a fuckboy, right? That’s all I can offer you… I guess you need it… You seem so tense up” His lips brushed against your earlobe, and the shock replaced itself with anger.

“I’ll give you five seconds” You warned, clenching your fists beside your body and scrunching your nose, trying to control yourself, closing your eyes as you breathed deeply, fuming.

One.

“Hyunjin, let her go” You heard Chan say so you opened your eyes, noticing his hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder “You’re crossing the line here” He continued.

Two.

“I think I’ll need more than five seconds to fuck you unless you’re that needy” He scorned, adjusting his forearms on the wall, on each side of your head, stopping you from looking away from him, obliging you to look deep into his eyes.

Three.

“That’s enough, Hyunjin” Chan hissed, and although you couldn’t look at him right now, you could sense how strict he must be looking, hands tightening his grip on Hyunjin, voice stern and warning.

Four.

“Oh, cat got your tongue?” He grinned smugly; his dark eyes seemed to try to null you, feeling powerful enough to lock with yours. Neither of you blinked, eyes fixed on each other. While his held smugness and some kind of victorious feeling, yours oozed with rage and contempt “I think I like you better like this… Silent” He sneered again, and that was it.

Five.

“I said that’s enough!” Chan fumed, tugging Hyunjin away from you before he pressed his forearm against his chest and pressed his hand against yours so you would stay still “Both of you!” He glared at you two, and you gulped down, startled by his outburst “What the actual fuck is happening here?! Do you guys think it’s fine to be fucking assholes like this?!” You knew Chan for about 5 years now and you never once saw him this angry.

It made you shiver under the intensity of his gaze.

He pointed to the couch, glaring at both of you, a silent order that neither of you took.

“Sit on the damn couch” He demanded, his eyes didn’t let much to question so both of you complied, silently making your way to the couch, shoulders shrunk like you were being scolded by your parents “Neither of you is going anywhere until you sort things out” He decided, sitting across you, crossing his legs and resting his hands on his knees.

“Look, we have to finish the essay and –“ He scoffed, interrupting you.

“I don’t give a shit about your essay” Hyunjin chuckled, looking at you satisfied at how Chan answered you, a smirk adorning his lips “What is it, Hyunjin? Voice your thoughts” Chan said playfully, although it was visible he wasn’t playing around “Both of you will talk everything through and I’ll be here to guarantee it” He stated, going silent and staring at you both.

“And you’ll do it shirtless” Hyunjin joked, clearly trying to change the subject but Chan didn’t seem to find it amusing nor he was willing to give in, so he tilted his head as he looked expressionless to his friend.

“Is it bothering you? Do you want to fuck me too?” He asked, voice steady like he was bored and fed up with both of you, which he was, to be fair, “You know it doesn’t work on me, Hyunjin” Chan rolled his eyes “Look, you’re guys are my best friends… I don’t want to watch you guys fighting each other, okay? When you just teased around was one thing but this…?” He gestured to the both of you, eyes softening “I can’t let you guys keep going like this… You have to talk it through” He sighed, hand going to rest on his face, tired to even think how this would go.

“Well, Miss Last-Words can begin since she likes to talk back so much” Hyunjin sneered, crossing his arms and looking away, like a child. You scoffed, mirroring him by crossing your arms and looking the other way, just as childish as him. Chan sighed but didn’t say anything, waiting for one of you to take the first step. When the silence was long enough to make it clear that neither of you was going to say anything, he spoke up again.

“You guys are going to talk this through” He declared “If you don’t take the first step, I will” He threatened and both of you looked at him immediately, mouth agape by the betrayal “Don’t look at me like this! Do you want to be treated like a child? I’ll treat both of you as a child! You’re grounded until you guys sort this out” His voice and eyes didn’t give any space for questions, so you stood silent, wondering if you should say something.

You glanced over Hyunjin, unsure, and he did the same, biting his lips.

“Nothing? Okay” Chan scoffed, disappointed “The woman from that day was her mother, Hyunjin” He stated, looking at you in a silent challenge. You couldn’t believe he just did this! All those years of friendship for Chan betray you like this? You frowned, averting your eyes, expression too stiff and angry for Hyunjin even think to mock you about it. He looked at you in a contemplative way, chewing his own cheek.

He didn’t know what to say.

Well, of course, he didn’t know what to say. What would you say if your friend exposed his friend out of nowhere? Especially since he knew it must have been an awkward situation as you cried about it later. You stayed silent, eyes still locked with the window, too uncomfortable to look at any of them.

“Still nothing?” Chan insisted, looking at Hyunjin this time, as you could see by his reflection on the glass “Hyunjin has some mom issues to deal with” He stated, and this time Hyunjin lowered his head, embarrassed by this. You felt bad for him for a moment. He didn’t know you already knew about this one.

“So what?” You scoffed “It’s not that weird” You muttered.

You weren’t really standing up for him but it did sound like this… Maybe that was why he shot a look at you, surprised with your behavior, eyes somehow grateful to your words. You glanced at him, and once your eyes met you averted them again, fixing your gaze on Chan, feeling just as embarrassed as him.

“Hm… I’m sorry” his voice was so soft you almost didn’t catch it. You perked your ears, realizing he must have said something because Chan seemed as surprised as you “I mean… I know I was being a jerk yesterday, I didn’t really intend to set you off like that…” He admitted, looking in your eyes. You never saw him so sincere in your life. You bit your lips, averting your eyes for a split of a second before reconnecting them with him, suddenly determined to give something back, to apologize about your behavior.

“No, I’m the one who should be saying it” You muttered back to him “I’m sorry” You meant it, eyes sincere as you stared at him “I knew I hit a nerve when I talked about your friendship with Chan and I didn’t stop until you snapped… It’s my fault” You sighed.

“Wait, what?” Chan seemed surprised, looking to Hyunjin in understanding “I see… I thought it was strange you pressed her like this” He hummed as if everything was clearer, tapping his chin as he thought about what to say “But why did you snap, Y/N? It’s not like you to be like this” You felt your cheeks burn in embarrassment.

What was the point of hiding things now?

“It’s… Well, I thought that if I was friendly to him he would treat me normally… I guess I was frustrated because he didn’t and I felt like I was trying all by myself” You admitted, shrugging “But he was right… I was the one who started it all” You sighed, looking at Hyunjin, eyes wavering around, too ashamed to make contact “I can’t expect him to be friendly with me after all these years of… Well, this” You pointed between you two, chuckling “I had a weak reason to dislike him before, maybe he just has a better one”

“Hm…” Hyunjin looked at you, weighting something on his mind “It’s not that I have a reason to dislike you… Yesterday my mother called me and it frustrated me a lot” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling awkward “I guess I just needed to vent about it and I kinda took it out on you” He looked sheepishly at you, expecting you to say something but before you could even think about it, Chan scoffed.

“You don’t have a reason? Really?” He looked at him suggestively.

“I mean... I may have some issues with you…” He admitted, rolling his eyes at Chan “I… Do I really have to talk about it? It’s embarrassing” He eyed Chan, clearly uncomfortable about what he had to say, so you decided to give him a hand.

“I have some issues with my dad” You began, trying your best to stay composed, playing with your fingers as you continued “And I did some things that kind of remind me of him… I’m not proud of those, and I didn’t want to admit that I was capable of being like him” You added, averting your eyes and clearing your throat “So… Well, I started to project those things on you... If I hated you, I didn’t need to hate myself” You swallowed down, dryly, afraid of their reactions.

To your surprise, neither of them seemed to judge you.

“Oh, now I’ll sound even pettier” He whined, making you snort “I’m jealous of your relationship with Chan” He stated simply, his eyes avoiding yours as if they would burn if he looked at you “It’s just… He loves you” He shrugged, finally looking at you “And I’m afraid he would leave me behind because of you” He looked ashamed like he had just said he killed someone, body curved and head dropped, waiting for you to mock him or something.

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of” You reassured him quietly “It’s not easy to be left behind… You’re not petty because you want someone by your side, you’re just human” You said softly, hand rising to squeeze his knee but you stopped mid-way, retreating and resting it on your lap. He lifted his head, looking deep into your eyes. He seemed to see you under a whole new light, pleasantly surprised by your answer, eyes softening as he suppressed a smile.

“Thank you” He muttered, averting his eyes.

You felt ridiculous.

After all those years of stingy remarks, endless teasing, and stupid competition… You would never even dare to think that you and Hyunjin would stand side by side, absolutely no hard feelings hanging in the air. It was almost comical how the atmosphere in the room felt lighter as if both of you weren’t ready to fight each other a few moments ago, a soft feeling resting inside of you.

You felt relieved, heart fluttering inside your chest, almost too light to beat, an unusual peace seemed to sink in your bones, and before you knew it, you sighed. The gentle huff of air took out all the worries of the day. Suddenly, it was clear that none of you would end up in the hospital today, and you may even accomplish your tasks. Hyunjin seemed as relieved as you, his shoulders dropped in a relaxed manner, both of you feeling the tension going away for the first time in years.

“I’m glad we talked” You confessed, and it was obvious you felt at ease “I didn’t know you felt this way… I’m sorry for pushing it down on you” You tightened your lips in a half-smile “I didn’t picture you as a sentimental guy… I’ll watch my words from now on” You promised, subtly calling a truce, eyes connected to his.

“I’m not emotional” He rolled his eyes but his lips quirked a bit, a small smile adorning his face “Well, I’m glad we decided it was all your fault” He joked, this time you laughed along with him, and Chan scoffed in amusement.

“Well, I guess I can leave you guys to it now?” Chan watched you, and you could see that he was just as satisfied as you both with the outcome “I swear to god…“ His tone went threatening again, although it was far more jokingly this time “I’m going to my room… If I hear even a small fight from there, I’m going to come back and make you share all your life” You scoffed at that, rolling your eyes as you looked at him mockingly.

“Okay, Daddy” You pouted, and he had to look away to suppress his smile, hand going to cover his eyes, fingers pressing his temples as he shook his head slowly, amused by it. Chan made his way to his room, finally letting you alone with Hyunjin, and both of you took in the comfortable silence in the air before speaking up.

“So... Paris” He started, unsure about what to say “What should we discuss?” You thought for a moment, lost about what you could talk about her.

The key points about Paris were her father and her mother and that was pretty much all you had about her. The isolation her mother put her through when she was younger didn’t let much left for her to discuss in her essay, so you had little information to work with. You stared at Hyunjin, a sudden trail of thought taking your mind.

“What about her father?” You suggested cautiously “You seem to have an abandonment problem, right? I mean… Since you’re afraid to lose Chan and stuff…” You trailed off but he didn’t seem offended, so you continued “I’ve experienced this so… Well, I think maybe we should discuss it? I mean, her mother left her father behind but it was for the best, right?” You tilted your head, unsure it was a good theme to approach.

“Well, I guess...?” He agreed, as unsure as you “I think it doesn’t apply to her that much since she wasn’t born when her mother left her dad… She didn’t really experience being abandoned” He admitted and you frowned.

“I disagree” You blurted out “It could be way worse but Paris had her problems… Although the absence of her father himself wasn’t really an issue for her, I think her mother wasn’t really supportive… Emotionally speaking” You claimed. Hyunjin nodded, thinking about what you said, hands trailing to his chin and rubbing the skin there.

“Her mother didn’t really consider her wishes but to go to the extent of not being emotionally supportive? I don’t think so” He disagreed, crossing his arms “When she talked to me, she didn’t seem to care about letting things go” He seemed to remind something, so you shrugged, giving in.

“Maybe I’m reading too much into it? I mean, she did pretty well in general… She’s really friendly and loveable but I think the lack of physical touch throughout her life made her really… Well, she doesn’t touch other people” Hyunjin furrowed his brows, pensive; he looked at you skeptically, tilting his head.

“Are you sure about what you’re saying? I mean, she touches you and Han all the time” He pointed out “Also, she even touched me when we were talking about the essay”

“She did what?” You asked astonished, completely throw off “I mean… I thought it was strange that she held you like this when she was drunk… Paris never touches anyone besides me and Han. Ever. You... Well, it must have been really intense if she had to touch you” You cleared your throat, averting your eyes.

You felt like an intruder.

There was no way in hell Paris just touched him mindlessly, she would never do this. One thing you learned about her throughout the years is that Paris didn’t know how to show her love with physical affection. She hated it. You remembered how she told you once that her mother never hugged her before her stepfather came into the scene… She felt really guilty for not hugging you or doing things she rated as normal between friends.

The first time she held your hand almost turned out to be a holiday.

You chuckled at the memory, confusing Hyunjin.

“What’s so funny about it?” He asked embarrassed and you promptly shook your head.

“No, nothing! I just remembered something” You dismissed it, waving your hand, gesturing for him to let it go “Anyway, I think we can write that the abandonment in her case was good, even though it had some consequences, and for us, it didn’t turn out so well… She learned to deal with it and we… Well, I think we didn’t” You sighed, getting a nod from him.

“Yeah, I guess she forgave some things that we didn’t?” He mused, and you nodded back.

“I guess so… Maybe we should learn from her? Sometimes letting something go is what you really need to heal yourself” Hyunjin hummed, impressed by your words, eyes wandering around, a thoughtful expression over his face. You knew what you said was right, and both of you seemed to have a lot to learn from Paris, but it didn’t mean you wanted to do it.

It was way easier said than done.

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sunflowersteves · 4 years

Text

i don’t hate you || b.b.

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 || Bucky has always hated you, since the day you met but you’ve never been able to hate him back.

𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒕 || “From the bottom of my heart… what the fuck?”

author’s note || I was supposed to finish this WAY sooner so I could start writing on series/requests but then 5 minutes of tik tok turned into 3 hours… so yeah.. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this angst! Written for @kitkatd7’s 250 Writing Challenge! Congrats on 250, love!!

warnings || angst, fluff, swearing, smut [18+], minors do not interact, asshole!bucky, physical abuse is mentioned (it’s not explicit but please read with caution)

James Buchanan Barnes hates you. Absolutely loathes you. But you can’t find it in yourself to hate him. But you should. You should hate the ground he walks on from the number of times he’s treated you like utter shit. You should throw him out of the tower for the number of names he’s called you.

But for some reason, you don’t hate the son of the bitch. You don’t hate how he tells everyone he’s ‘going to the gym’ when in fact he goes to a field to pick flowers. You don’t hate how he’ll protect the people he loves even if it gets him captured, tortured, or even killed. You don’t hate how in the morning he makes the whole team a batch of coffee without saying anything. You don’t hate how despite the pure hatred he has towards you, he still calms you down during your nightmares.

As a matter of fact, the only feeling that seems to flutter out of you when he’s around is fervor, warmth, and giddiness. And that drives you fucking insane. How can a man that has only brought you disgusted looks, snappy remarks, and exasperated arguments make you adore him?

And you don’t think you’ll ever be able to answer that question. You have absolutely zero clue why you love somebody who hates you.

However, the one thing you hate, the one thing that makes your heart fill with animosity and malice are his actions towards you. And you have no idea why! The first day that Fury introduced you to the team, everyone had been the utmost kindest towards you. They had greeted you with beaming smiles and laughter except for him. He looked at you with narrowed eyes and a flattened smile but you never chose to be mean back. Well, unless he made snappy comments or argued with you. Then you gave him hell, which only led more fuel into his weird hatred towards you.

And today was no different, the whole team was eating breakfast and you all had been just talking pleasantly until Bucky came in with a grunt and made a sly comment as the only seat left empty was next to yours.

Tony rolled his eyes and picked up his orange juice to take a sip. “So what are you gonna do today, kid?” You set your fork down, moving your attention solely onto him.

“I think I’m going to make her a bouquet of her favorite flowers.” The team all smiled and some gave you sympathetic looks. Tony offered to help, knowing much about how you’re feeling on days like these.

Bucky snarked, “For who?” You blinked, shoving around some of the scrambled eggs on your plate with a fork. “My mom.” Bucky laughed while the whole team just fell silent, shocked at Bucky’s belligerent actions. You looked at him with small tears in your eyes.

“Oh, don’t get teary-eyed on me. That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard. A homemade flower bouquet?” You quickly got out of your seat and ran to your room, slamming the door behind you. Bucky was still snickering, not grasping the light of the room until the whole team started to yell at him.

“What the fuck, Bucky?” Nat screamed at him. He looked at everyone confused by their disappointment. “What? It’s lame to-” This time Steve snapped. Normally, Steve would just sling his head down in disappointment at his best friend’s assery but today was different. Today was the one day that you didn’t deserve any shit thrown at you.

“It’s the anniversary of her mom’s death! It was real mature of you to just shove it into her face that making a bouquet for her mom’s tombstone is ‘lame’ and what did you say? Oh yeah. ‘The stupidest shit I’ve heard.’” A fuming Steve shoved his chair back and aggressively stomped out of the room, mumbling curse words at his best friend.

Bucky just cringed the whole time. He did not know it your mom’s anniversary of her death. Hell, he didn’t even know your mom was dead but he never paid any attention. God, he was so selfish. Bucky’s stomach dropped as he watched Steve softly knock on your door for comfort. He knows that should be him instead. He wants that to be him instead. But Bucky’s an asshole. He shoves away the people he loves. He convinces himself that it’s better that way but now, he’s hurt someone he loves by driving them away.

Bucky apologizes to the team and rushes towards your bedroom. Steve had clearly already left by the silence that suffocated the air. He softly knocks on your door. “Who is it?” “It’s me.” You don’t answer nor do you move. Bucky sighs. He doesn’t blame you. He’s an ass. “I’m not here to yell I just… I want to apologize.”

You slowly crack open the door, letting him in. You were sitting down on the ground, tears staining your cheeks. His gut twisted with guilt and sadness. He sat down on the ground next to you, watching your every move. “I just.. I want to say I’m sorry. I had no idea it was the anniversary of your mom’s death.” You nodded and sighed. “I know I can’t say sorry to make anything better but… what if I help you with the arrangement?” Your eyes lit up and Bucky smiled. You blinked, never seeing this side of him. Maybe you should have death anniversaries more often.

Bucky took you out of the tower to as many floral shops as you wanted to go to, picking out her favorites like calla lilies, alstroemerias, begonias, dahlias, and morning glories. You then both went to her grave and sat there while reminiscing of the good stories with your mom. You laughed and cried and Bucky did as well. You talking about your mom made him miss his.

Honestly, you could get used to this. Bucky had been the kindest you had ever seen. His eyes lit up at your laughter and his cheeks blushed as you held his hand and squeezed it.

After getting back to the tower, the two of you went ahead and relaxed for the evening. Sitting on the couch in your room, Bucky turned the TV on and you two started to watch a movie. “Hey, Buck?” He hummed, waiting a moment for his eyes flicked towards you. “Why do you hate me?” He rapidly shook his head. “I-I… I don’t hate you, y/n. I never have.” You blinked at his words. Never?

“Then why have you been acting that way?” He sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. Even though the day had ended up being one of his favorites, he was starting to not like where this conversation was going. “With all of the things that I’ve done with Hydra and being the Winter Soldier, I thought that pushing you away was the best option.”

“What? How the fuck is that pushing me away? Not talking to me is pushing away. Insulting me and arguing with me at every chance is just hatred.” Bucky’s eyes snapped towards yours, his nostrils flared

“You know what? This is why I acted that way.” You looked at him with fire in your eyes, igniting that well-known feeling you get with Bucky. “Acted what way?”

Bucky gritted his teeth. “You have everything just handed to you. You have no idea what it’s like to suffer!” Your head snaps up and you look at Bucky like he’s got three heads. “From the bottom of my heart… what the fuck?” You put your head in your hands. How the fuck can this prick say that to you? Sure, you haven’t been through anything that he has with Hydra but he hasn’t been in your shoes either.

“You think I haven’t dealt with pain? That’s absolutely ridiculous, Bucky. Just because you have suffered from something greater doesn’t mean I haven’t suffered at all.” Bucky grossed his arms and huffed, knowing you were right. “My mom couldn’t do anything about my dad beating me because her kidneys were failing. After having type one diabetes for 45 years and having a kid, her organs started to fail.” Bucky’s facade faltered as you continued. He had no idea you went through that. His fiery eyes died down to sullen ones as he listened. “I would visit her when she’d go through hours worth of dialysis and the doctors would ask if I was okay from the bruises.”

Tears started to fall freely from your eyes. “When her kidneys started to fail again during dialysis they knew this was her last run and she couldn’t qualify for a kidney transplant. Her last vision of her six-year-old daughter was me sobbing as I had a huge black eye covering my face.” You suddenly got furious, an accusing finger pointed straight at Bucky. “My so-called dad then sold me to a crime boss at the city of K’un-L’un. Even though the crime boss treated me as his own and was quite gentle, don’t tell me that I don’t feel any pain. I mean shit Bucky, did you just think I had nightmares, just ‘cause?”

Bucky sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m so sorry, y/n. I’m such an ass. I..I- As I said, I kept telling myself this was the right way so I could push you away. I will never be able to truly show you just how sorry I am. I think that I’m so fucking sick of myself that I take all of that anger and put it on you. I’m so sorry.” He paused, watching your anger die down a little. “the truth is… I’m unbelievably in love with you.” Your head snapped up and your eyes darted around to find a single lie forming on his face or to tell you that this is a joke. “Ever since I laid eyes on you I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. You’re funny, you’re kind, you protect those you love. How could I not fall in love with you?” Wait, he didn’t hate you?

Your heart was beating a thousand miles and he nervously continued. “I thought that by pushing you away that I could save you. I know it sounds stupid but I didn’t want my past life of the winter soldier to ever affect you. I could have hurt you but I can see now that I’ve already done that.” He looks at you with a saddened expression, regret filled his stomach. He should’ve just talked to you. But he didn’t. He just wished things were different.

What he didn’t expect though was to have your lips on his, nipping and moving against one another. Bucky was too shocked at first, appreciating that feeling of your lips on his. Once he regained his thoughts, he immediately wrapped his arms around you, bodies pressed against one another. The room felt hotter each second as you gripped his head firmly, pulling at his hair as Bucky just moaned. His tongue touched yours, swift and electric, then harder and more determined, more passioned as your lips savored each other.

Bucky quickly took off your shirt, leaving peppered kisses all over your neck and messaging your breasts. He then took off his shirt as you pulled down your pants, reconnecting in the middle. His lips caressed your neck and hissed as he bit down on your sensitive skin. “Fuck.” He whispers, reaching his hand up to pinch one of your nipples between his fingers making your already sensitive skin, ache and cry. You moan his sweet name, wanting more and more from this man.

“Bucky, please.” He chuckles at your eagerness and he quickly takes off your panties. “Shit, doll, you’re already that wet for me?” You nod, biting your lip He instantly takes off his pants and boxers and wastes no time in lining himself up and pushing into you until his hips are flushed into yours. He rocked back and forth savoring the rich pleasures of your voice, whining and gasping from your bodies colliding to one.

“Fuck, you’re so good. So good to me, doll.” All you could do was moan back, too enchanted to talk. You start to buck your hips as he pushes into you faster and faster. “Fuck, y/n. I love you. Shit.” Bucky gets sloppier and sloppier as your gasps and moans turn louder and harder. You yell his name, screaming into the air as he rides you out, pushing in and out until he soon receives his own high. You both take a minute to breathe and calm down from the best possible sex you’ve ever had.

After the two of you clean yourselves up, Bucky lays in bed with you—snuggled up against your side and wrapping an arm around you. You look at him with glistening eyes and start tracing down his jaw. “I don’t want this night to end.” He looks at you, sorrow filling those blue eyes. “I don’t either. How about we just think about reality tomorrow, okay? Enjoy our moment now.” You nod and rest your head on his chest, listening to his slowed heartbeat.

You close your eyes and intertwine your hand with his on his torso, letting sleep take you over.

Your eyes started to flutter open at the sensation of Bucky’s fingers tracing the outlines of your body. You both stare at each other for a little while, savoring the moment you two had. However, you knew that it would soon be broken. Life and reality aren’t that easy.

You sit up, covered draped around your naked body. Bucky looks at you like he knows what’s coming. Which, by the way he’s treated you, should’ve guessed by the start.

“Look, I don’t regret what we did last night and we both know it was a huge spur of the moment.” You paused, watching as Bucky’s stature fell a little. “I know now that you have feelings for me as I do for you but Bucky you’ve treated me like shit since I got here. I thought you spat the ground I walked on, despised my whole entire existence.” Bucky cringed at your words but he knew you were right. The two of you can’t jump headfirst into a relationship after the shit he’s pulled.

“I thought that maybe we could, you know be in a relationship, but right now, that pain is stronger than my love for you.” Bucky’s heart broke in two at your words. Of course you would be affected by him pushing you away and making him think you hate him with nasty comments and looks. But he knows that there’s still a tiny sliver of hope.

Bucky nods in agreement and smiles lightly. “I’ll wait for you. However long it takes, however long you need to heal from the damage I have caused, I will wait.” He looks over at you and grasps one of your hands. “Do not rush thinking that I will be long gone by the time you’re healed. I’m not going anywhere. And even if you choose not to be with me, don’t think for a second I won’t respect your decision.” You smiled and squeezed his fingers.

This was good. Not a fresh start but the possibility of a second chance. And if Bucky was given that opportunity when you healed, he wasn’t going to fuck this one up. Not anymore.

#bucky barnes x reader #kits250challenge #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fanfiction #Bucky Barnes #trigger warning physical abuse mentioned #bucky x reader #winter solider x reader #marvel #marvel fanfiction

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laulink · 4 years

Text

A.N : This volume is gonna be full of angst, I just know it, especially for Nuts and Dolts. They had too many good moments in these first 3 eps, it’s hiding something. So, I’m going to give into the angst... then give it a happy ending because I want to make this story into a fucking fairy tale and no one can stop me.

The wind was blowind way too strong to be natural. Ruby knew that. A few hours ago, seeing this power, feeling its raw strength would have amazed her, but the situation had changed. Oh, so much.

In front of her was Penny. Her beautiful, cheerful, kind, patient, funny, enthusiastic, intelligent, wonderful Penny. Turned into a lifeless doll by that mustached bitch, on fucking Ironwood’s orders. Ruby would have punched them both if they were in front of her. Her right hook had gotten pretty mean after Ozpin’s training and feeling these two bastards’ noses break under her fist would have been oh so satisfying.

But they weren’t here and Penny was the one facing her. Her eyes had turned red from the corruption in her systems, reminding her of Yang when she was angry and her mother, Raven, when she saw her for the first and last time at the battle of Haven.

A familiar noise at her left alerted her just in time to dodge Penny’s blades and avoid being sliced in two. Her aura was low, it would have broken under the attack. Behind her, she heard Weiss talking to Pietro over her scroll.

“What do you mean you can’t access her systems ?! You did it just a few hours ago !

- Yes, when Penny was still functioning normally ! Whatever Ironwood and Watts have done to take control of her, it has blocked all remote accesses, I can’t do anything to break her out of it !

- There must be something we can do !” Blake screamed from her side, avoiding another of Penny’s attacks. Ruby semblanced her a bit farther away, out of Penny’s reach so they could take a breath while still listening to Pietro.

“I have tried everything ! I can’t get through to her ! This kind of control can only be broken from inside, either by connecting to Penny with a computer and running a counter program or getting Penny to break out of it herself. But I can’t do any of those things !

- What was that about getting Penny to break out of it ?” Ruby asked before ducking under yet another attack from Penny’s blades, semblancing behind her to try and cut the damn strings, and being pushed back by a blast of wind. Her ears were ringing, but she still managed to catch Pietro’s answer.

“Penny can break any form of control on her body. That’s something I made sure of when designing her. Earlier, in the operations room, she could have pushed me out if she had so desired. The same could be done here, but the program run to control her is complex. Watts really outdid himself ; without a strong stimulus, a mind breaking shock if you will, his connection to Penny will hold and she won’t be able to push him out.

- So what you’re saying is that we need to shock Penny into rebooting her brain ?” Weiss asked, disbelieving.

“Basically, yes. A strong enough emotion could do the trick ; there’s a reason people say that, under certain circumstances, their brains short-circuit. That’s what we need right now.”

Penny’s movements were getting more precise by the minute now. Watts was getting the hang of this, and Ruby wished he weren’t. If things kept going like this, they wouldn’t be able to avoid injuries, to them or Penny, for much longer.

“What can we do then ?!” she screamed in Weiss’ general direction. “What could possibly shock her enough to do that ?! We’re running out of time !”

Pietro was silent, probably thinking. Ruby felt someone’s hand on her shoulder and turned to see Nora looking at her, serious, but eyes sparkling in a way Ruby really didn’t like right now.

“I think you know exactly what we need to do, Ruby.

- No I don’t !”

But Nora’s cryptic words seemed to make it click for Blake, who’s ears perked up. She dodged a few more attacks from Penny, progressively getting closer to Ruby and Nora, who were retreating, protected by Weiss’ cover fire. When they were all close enough to talk without having to scream, Blake told Ruby :

“Maybe you don’t know, but you are what we need, Ruby. Or rather, what Penny needs.

- What does that even mean ?!”

Weiss seemed to catch on as well because she sighed loudly and gave Ruby a glare so withering that her leader could feel it even without seeing it.

“Come on, Ruby ! We need to inspire a strong emotion in Penny ! And we’ve all seen how you look at her ! Stop being a gay mess for two minutes and go get your girl !”

Ruby’s face turned as red as her cape. She turned around to face Weiss and deny, but Nora’s hammer deflecting an attack that would have otherwise turned Ruby into a hedgehog reminded her that she didn’t have the luxury to fight with her teammates. Instead, she used Crescent Rose to deflect Penny’s swords while screaming at them :

“Are you insane ?! Do you really think it’s the moment to play matchmaker ?!

- Actually Ruby,” Pietro spoke up, still on the scroll, “your friends’ suggestion is a good one. I believe that making your feelings known to Penny would provide a stimulus strong enough to break her out of Watts’ control. It’s worth a try.

- Have you lost your mind ?!

- No time to argue, Ruby !” Blake screamed while her clone was sliced in two where she was standing a mere second ago. “You have to try, now !”

She was right, they were at their limit : they wouldn’t hold much longer. Taking a deep breath to try and calm her racing heart, Ruby focused on Penny’s movements and semblanced her way between her blades, closer and closer until she was right in front of her and-

Materialising in front of Penny, Ruby screamed as she punched the girl, breaking her focus long enough to push her against a rock sticking out of the ground, trapping her with her body.

Taking Penny’s face in her hands with all the care and tenderness in the world, Ruby told her :

“I’m sorry Penny. I love you.”

Red eyes flicked back to green, then red, then green, then red again, almost too fast for Ruby to see. She was almost there, Penny was almost back, she just needed one last push... !

Letting her heart and instincts guide her, Ruby leaned up on her tiptoes and took Penny’s lips between her own in a deep, loving kiss, trying to convey all of her overwhelming feelings to the girl of her dreams. Her adoration for Penny, her happiness at seeing her again after so long, the warmth she felt whenever Penny smiled at her, whenever she talked to her, saw her face, the joy so enormous it felt as crushing as it was liberating when Penny hugged her or kissed her cheek... The love that invaded her entire being, unbridled and devastating, begging to be known, to be shown, unrelenting, whenever she so much as thought of Penny... She poured everything, her very heart, into this kiss...

... and almost broke it out of shock when she felt artificial lips start moving against her own and strong, gentle hands press against the small of her back, bringing her closer to Penny.

She should have taken a step back, checked that Penny was really there, free, ask how she was feeling... but the moment felt so perfect, Ruby couldn’t resist it : she sunk deeper in Penny’s embrace, her hands moving forward and around the Maiden’s head to rest on the back of her neck, cradling her, keeping her close, as close as she could while she prayed this moment would never end.

Alas, the world wasn’t so kind as to let them in their little paradise forever. The two girls eased back, just enough for their lips to part, but still close enough for their noses to brush and their breaths to mingle. They locked eyes, silver and green, no trace of red to be found, and their lips shaped into twin grins, so wide their cheeks started hurting. Ruby couldn’t help it, she pressed her lips to Penny’s again, and again, and again, even though the contact barely counted as a kiss since they smiled too much to properly give one.

Penny’s arms tightened around Ruby’s waist, bringing her impossibly closer, pressed flush against her love. Having regained some of her composure, though tears shined at the corners of her eyes, Penny whispered against Ruby’s lips :

“Thank you Ruby. I love you too.”

Melting both from the embrace and the confession, Ruby responded with a loving smile and the sweetest kiss she could muster. As Ruby buried a hand in Penny’s hair to keep her close while she deepened the kiss, they both heard someone coughing loudly, reminding them they were not alone. Blushing, both girls jumped away from each other and turned to face their friends who were giving them very pointed -and smug- looks.

Weiss was the first to break the silence :

“When this war is over, I’m commissioning Blake to write a fairy tale about you two.

- No problem,” smirked Blake, “this story will write itself.

- “The Rose and the Maiden : tale of a fated love”. This will be a best-seller,” Nora promised.

As their friends kept chatting about the hypothetic book, Ruby and Penny shared a resigned, but happy glance. Without so much as a word, their hands sought each other out, their fingers intertwined and a feeling bloomed in their hearts : the certitude that, whatever would be thrown their way, they would overcome it together.

A.N : End ! I know that kisses in RWBY always lead to absolute tragedies, so I wanted to turn it around and have the tragedy be dealt with by a kiss. We are in a show inspired by fucking FAIRY TALES, God damnit ! Give me some true love kiss saving the day !

This was a bit rushed, but I hope you enjoyed !

#my post #rwby #rwby8 #rwby spoilers #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #nora valkyrie #penny polendina #nuts and dolts #mechanical rose #no beta we die like Pyrrha #=P #I always see this kind of tag on AO3 #wanted to try it #my writing

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imonthinice · 3 years

Text

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 9/?

Word Count: 1.7k

Author’s Note: Y/N- Your Name, A/N - Any Name (Your Best Friend’s Name)

I am sorry. lmao.

Half of my links are glitched tf out fuck this shit, touched grass yesterday but that grind don’t fuckin stop babey

Warnings: Angst - Injury, Description of said injury, Mentions of Jason’s past, Swearing, Dark Themes, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Jason clutched his right side as he gasped for a long breath of the cold, rainy air surrounding him. Everything hurt and he could barely move enough to text Dick that he was down. He would hold and add pressure to the stab wound sitting directly on his waist, but he could feel the blood seeping through the gaps in his fingers as he held it. His hands were covered by the blood and he was losing it fast.

He wasn’t going to walk this off by any means, he was going to need Dick to go get him and bring him back to the hospital wing of the Batcave because he couldn’t move and he felt his eyes drooping as he waiting and tried to keep his breathing in check, while Dick was scrambling to go get him.

There would be a few questions he would have to answer to Y/N. Not even just Y/N, to Lian, his Goddaughter, who he was planning on seeing in the morning since Y/N was going to a dance competition, or at least he thought she was.

But in that moment, so many memories flew back into his head, the hopelessness as he sat there for a few seconds, bleeding out after the explosion that Joker had set off on him. And then the minutes in the Lazarus Pit as he drowned himself back to life, the water filling his lungs as he cried and screamed. But no one came.

This time, however, Dick came.

Dick swooped his baby brother up and onto his back and he tried to run to the Batmobile as fast as he could, knowing time was of the essence for saving Jason’s life. Jason had broke off from Dick for a few seconds before this moment, and it was the only thing Dick was worried about. That Dick had said to come back to him, alive.

In the car, Dick put his hands on Jason's gaping wound, trying to press his hands into it as well to slow the bleeding, the Batmobile had the ability to drive itself, and Dick thanked whatever God was watching that it did. Jason was struggling for breath at this moment, and Dick was terrified.

“You’re going to be oaky, Jase. I swear. Please. Don’t die on me, it feels like yesterday that I got you back,” he leaned into Jason’s face, “Not again, please,” Dick begged and begged as he rushed Jason to Alfred, who was waiting to operate on Jason.

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Y/N woke up as always, this time, without a text from Jason. She thought nothing of it, thinking he was safe in his house with his loving family. She went to go get coffee to kick start her day, and A/N wasn’t in the kitchen. She, still, thought nothing of it, since A/N’s lover was over the night before and she had to turn up her music to ignore the sounds coming from the other side of the house. She sent Jason a quick text,

Good morning, Jay. I hope you slept well.

And she returned to her room, coffee in hand, to write some quick little stories about what she had placed in her journal. Not many of the ideas in there were able to be built off of, but she still tried her best with every idea she had, to see if it could be something more.

It normally never was, but it was always something she craved. The ideas of writing a book always enticed her, but she never thought she was talented enough to do so.

She heard her roommate’s door open and then the front door as A/N waved off her lover. It was a quiet Saturday morning, and Y/N loved that as she dove further and further into her work, immersing herself in the story of two lovers who were destined to meet after one moved to the hometown of the other to pursue criminal psychology.

She couldn’t get her mind off of Jason. They hadn’t even known each other for a week but she knew he was worth her time. A few hours passed by from when she sent the first text.

---------------------------------------------

Dick held Jason’s hand as he was hooked up to many different machines, he could breathe on his own, but the IV and the blood bags were hard to keep Dick’s eyes off of. If only I had been watching a little closer, he thought.

Jason fumbled in his pain-induced sleep, moaning and groaning as he did so when he opened his eyes to find a worried, sleep-deprived and very rough-looking Dick at his bedside, to which, Dick collapsed on Jason in a hug.

“Thank God,” Dick breathed.

“What... what the fuck.... what the fuck happened?” Jason stuttered, like a blanket of sleep and drugs had limited his mobility and brain function.

“I don’t know, Jase. That’s what I was hoping you’d tell me, but then again, your blood alcohol level was suspicious.”

“I... I didn’t drink... drink that much.”

“No, you didn’t. But you did drink, who was with you?”

“I don’t... know.”

“I think you were roofied so they could get the upper hand on you. You almost died, Jase.”

“Come...c’mere,” Jason managed to say, and when Dick came to him, he moved on of his hands onto Dick’s cheek, “Big... big annoying... big little annoying brother.”

“Shhhhhh, little wing,” Dick comforted his little brother, “You weren’t supposed to grow that much taller than me,” he laughed, “Dickhead,” he laughed again, then sighed, and stepped back from Jason to pace back and forth, he was stressed, “I told Roy-”

“Will.”

“Will, sorry. I told Will that you won’t be able to see Lian today, he asked what happened, he might drop by.”

“He should... shouldn’t have to... see me this... this way,” Jason said, eyes pooling with tears, “No one... should.”

“Don’t know how we’re going to explain this to your little girlfriend.”

“Oh... Man... I like... I like her.”

“I know you do, and that’s an issue when you’re high as a kite in a hospital bed, bleeding out, Jase,” Dick tried to explain, “Especially when she doesn’t know you’re Red Hood, dumbass.”

“Oh,” he said.

“I know, Jase. If it was me and Barbara didn’t know, I wouldn’t know what to do,” he sighed, “Haven’t even met this girl,” he laughed.

“It’s... it’s only been... 5 days,” he stuttered.

“and 3 back-to-back, multiple hour, spanning days, worth of dates. You don’t do that with someone you don’t think should meet your family.”

“You’re... stubborn.”

“And you’re my brother. It doesn’t take blood to exhibit the same traits.”

“The meds... are... are wearing off.”

“Do you need more?”

“Not... yet,” he struggled with his words, “Phone?”

“I mean, yeah I can give you your phone,” Dick said as he went to go unplug and hand Jason his phone, realizing that Y/N had texted Jason he said, “Guess you have someone who wants to know where you are more than Will does.”

“Will cares,” Jason said as he took the phone and read Y/N’s text,

I guess it isn’t morning anymore, huh.

Well that’s on me for texting you at 6 in the morning after I know you’ve been working late.

And I’m going to see my Goddaughter today, so I’ve been sleeping in to preserve energy for her.

Can’t forget that she’s what, 1 year old? Girl must have a lot of energy.

Her name’s Lian, and yeah. She’s a ball of energy.

He said as Lian and her dad, Will, formerly known as Roy, walked into the hospital wing of the Batcave. The secret wasn’t hidden to the little girl yet because she couldn’t remember a lot. But, she sure did recognize her Uncle Jay when she screamed her name.

Will brought his daughter up and put her beside her Uncle, and she cuddled into him, he would hold her back.

“Hey... Will.”

“You look like shit, Jaybird.”

“I feel... feel like shit.”

“You’re also talking slow, bud.”

“Drugs... do that... Will.”

“At least you’re not dead, I have no idea how I’d cope or even explain that to Lian.”

“She... she has your... eyes.”

“She’s growing into my nose too.”

“Your nose... looks like shit... on your face.”

“Okay, dickhead. You’re bedridden but yeah, attack me like you used to, I’ll just pull the plug.”

“Lian... would hate you... you for that,” he groaned as he said it.

“Do you need more drugs? I can tell Dick,” Will asked.

“Yeah... I think-”

“Don’t worry about finishing that, Jaybird. I got you.”

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The wet ground surrounding the house Y/N lived in was a representation of what she considered, the bad things, washing away from her life as she got to know Jason more. She wished they could talk more that day, but she did not want to take away time from him and his Goddaughter. Family matters a lot to Y/N, so a thought like that just seemed selfish for her to think when she knew that little girl needed him.

She didn’t think he got injured or anything from the Office, it was a safer place than the fuckin Wayne Manor hallways. She texted Artemis,

So, you’re Wally’s girlfriend, and Wally is Dick’s best friend? Am I hearing you right?

That’s basically the intertwine we have here, yes.

So once you’re in this family, you’re IN, huh?

Nervous?

Not a chance.

The thrill of flipping off pap hasn’t left you yet?

Does everyone know about that? And yes, it’s still massively fun to do.

Wally says Dick is the only one who doesn’t think its that funny.

Lame.

C’mon now, that’s my best friend, but yeah, that’s pretty fucking lame.

You’re the fun best friend, then. You see the fun in making a fool of the pap.

You know it.

Artemis knew of what happened on patrol between Jason and his unknown attacker. Dick had told Artemis to distract Y/N from wondering why Jason seemed drunk, if he seemed drunk. The extents they went to to hide the fact that they were the vigilantes protecting the city, they didn’t know if she was going to be able to keep the secret.

Jason would talk to her after that message,

That storm last night was terrible.

I wish that we were together when it happened. I hate lightning.

Well, you were in Cali.

Did I not tell you? My competition was cancelled because the entire country is fucked with weather.

Oh. That sucks.

Do you want to spend the night here?

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Do you want to spend the night here?

Jason stared at that text for a while. He did, he wanted to spend the night with her, but he was in pain, hooked to machines, with obvious wounds and bandages. He couldn’t spend the night with her.

I can’t. I’m in Metropolis with Will and Lian. Can we reschedule?

Of course we can. As long as you make sure we actually get to spend the night together.

He asked Dick in that moment, “How... how long... long til I heal?”

“Depends. You’ll be okay-ish in 5 days, but in 7-10 we have to take out your stitches if you’ve been taking care of them,” he said.

“That... that long? Damn.”

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