#it's fun thinking about shuuji

[ranshoku]

Do your boy Shuuji with 11, 16, 20 and 29 (I still owe u that last one lol)

What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character? It's mostly the same as your answer to this question wrt his story being a really nuanced depiction of parental abuse in fiction, though I also think a lot about how he's the perfect partner for Lopmon writing-wise. I don't think the potentials present in Lopmon's themes of duality have ever been quite as realized in the franchise before he got paired with Shuuji, so yeah... (what I'm trying to say is that his characterization just seems very fine-tuned to Lopmon's lore and I love it)

A childhood headcanon Rich kid Shuuji hc is very strong, so the biggest one is that his parents signed him up for a bunch of high class extracurricular activities mostly for the academic aspirations they had for him. He hated them at first, but eventually he learned to suck it up and just go through the motions, because rebelling resulted in getting berated.

A weird headcanon Uh... not weird probably, but perhaps the most random headcanon I can come up of him is that he can't stand the taste of coffee. He needs it to stay up late for studying though, so he's the type to add too much milk or sugar to his coffee to offset the bitterness.

What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone? This is hard... he used to keep a lot of secrets, but he already seems much more laidback and less insecure in Truthful alone? He even readily opened up about his darker thoughts like how much he hated himself or the guilt that haunted him... maybe, while it's freeing for him to stop thinking of what his father wants him to be, deep down he feels more clueless and directionless than when he was still obsessed with following his father's wishes, because he's gotten so used to chasing after the ideals set for him by his father that he kind of forgets how to "want" for himself or have a passion of his own. On top of that, he feels like he's never sure if he makes the right decision with his choices. So TL;DR even though it's stressful, in a way it's easier for him to follow a path someone else has laid out for him than to be "selfish" and do some soul-searching for himself. It's a bitter reality he's never ready to admit because it makes him feel like admitting a defeat right after earning his victory.

(As for Aoi: considering how rigid she can be with her views, I think she's much more judgmental as a person deep down inside than she's willing to admit. She knows how unlikeable that trait is though, so she tries to conceal it, however sometimes it surfaces via her projecting herself on other people)

How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?) YOU'VE SAID EVERYTHING I WANTED TO SAY ABOUT THIS LOL especially how he'd be especially self-conscious about not wanting to become like his father + being emotionally awkward/distant without meaning to. An extra one is perhaps when he inevitably fights with his child, he'd sometimes slip back into his old behavior and regret it afterwards. Having grown up in a family where he had no chance to air out his problems with them and fight for real, he'd always feel awkward about having to make up with his child, so he'd send Lopmon first to console his child after things calm down before talking to them himself.

[holydramon]

I am now around the beginning of Chapter 6 and just. Man. Like yeah some of the dialogue and scenes are interesting and fun to see with future context but this is a slog even with autoskip 😔

I could probably get to Chapter 8 tonight if I really wanted to but like. My wrists are starting to hurt.

[fearowkenya]

Digimon Survive Week Day 1: A New World

Winds of Change - Chapter 7: Winds of Change - Part One

“Most everything we know about ourselves and our world—it tends to be based on gut instinct,” Dracmon continues with a huff. “Anything else is whatever partial information we’ve managed to glean and put together on our own. Sometimes it’s both, and sometimes the damn pieces are upside down or backwards.

“That sounds like…” Shuuji can’t even begin to wrap his mind around it. He supposes that’s exactly the problem. “…a very confusing way to live.”

“It’s all we really know,” says Dracmon plainly, “Bits and pieces, scattered between memory and instinct. But even though I don’t know what goes where or which way’s up, I’ve still got a bit of a sense of what it’s all supposed to look like, somehow.”

Desperate to not be left in the dark, Shuuji seeks answers. But those answers only raise more questions, and it turns out that there's so much about this world that he does not understand—far more than he could have ever possibly imagined.

@surviveweek WOW DIGISURVIVE WEEK!!! it's my first time participating. it felt a little like... cheating, maybe, to post a chapter of a fic i was already working on, but it turns out the prompt for day 1 fit this chapter pretty well.

as usual, link is in the source so that tumblr doesnt kick me from the tags, and extended post-chapter notes are under the cut!!!

part of me is really glad i split this chapter in half. like i said, the original edit would have been close to 10k words, and there are so many ups and downs in the combined chapter that i was giving myself whiplash rereading it. the good news is, the second part is already mostly edited, and with it being survive week, i am going to try my best to accelerate the rest of the editing and get at least chapter 8 out this week.

i got really lucky that today's theme for survive week matched up with today's chapter. i was really struggling with how to interpret "a new world", because that's the entire game, isn't it? how was i going to choose just 1 thing about this new world to talk about? ultimately, the way i interpreted the prompt was in the realization that shuuji has, that this world is confusing not just for himself, but for the creatures that call it home. from the way dracmon describes it, it's just as harsh and dangerous to the kemonogami as it is to the humans.

on the topic of dracmon--he's my favorite to write. back when i was outlining this fic, it was already solidly in place that dracmon would be doing a lot of heavy-lifting in terms of lore. why dracmon? i'll keep that to myself for now. all in good time (:

i had such a fantastic time writing shuuji and dracmon interacting. on one hand, he's good at recognizing shuuji's sudden bursts of anxiety - kaito's anxiety manifests in a way that is much more explosive and angry than shuuji's, but it's still a powerful emotion that he's dealt with before. that said, obviously the way dracmon navigates kaito's emotions is not going to fit shuuji, and it was fun writing dracmon trying to get a feel for what kind of response does or does not work for him.

i also think lopmon would be SOOOOO INTERESTING as kaito's partner. you've got this timid little guy who is SO completely different from kaito, but would be able to tell that there's a gentle side to him that's buried super deep down. kaito would absolutely frighten him with his outbursts, though, and i wonder if seeing the direct consequences of his anger would help him understand its full impact. on a more cheerful note, i think kaito would not know what to do when lopmon says saccharine, kind things about him that are undeniably true, and i think that this would be very cute!!! it's almost as confrontational as the way dracmon interacts with kaito - lopmon wouldn't be snarky or bluntly honest with kaito the way dracmon is, but i think the sweet, innocent flavor of honesty that lopmon would use instead would hit him just as hard. much to think about.

this is going to be a much shorter extended authors notes this time, because the bulk of what i have to say is about lore stuff, and the rest of that is in part 2.

my answers for reader questions!

do you think dracmon is the most knowledgeable of the main digis about how the kemonogami world works?

as i mentioned on ao3, my answer is no, but i won't say why. however! i CAN say that i think the kind of knowledge varies super widely from digi to digi. dracmon may know a lot about what happens when digimon get destroyed, but i dont think he's got the more, social, i guess??? knowledge that agumon has, where he seems really familiar so many other digimon, knowing them by name despite never having met them before.

what do you think the superpower pineapple tastes like?

i think it never tastes the same! one could be sweet and another could be salty, but it's always really good. the texture is like chewing on drywall though.

thanks for reading!! hopefully i'll have part 2 up in the next few days. i'll have to check the prompt list for survive week to see if anything fits… if not.. well, since it's mostly edited, i'll try to get it posted early anyway.

[manofmanymons]

Okay, now I'm actually wondering...

What would the Survive kids think about Digimon Survive?

As for whether or not they would enjoy the gameplay style

I think Shuuji would have fun with the tactical rpg element. He has the energy of someone who enjoys strategy games. The only one in the group that wouldn't employ the "random bullshit go" tactic, he actually reads what the equipable items do.

I think Miu, Aoi, and Takuma would like the story part and going through the different dialogue.

Lowkey I had the same hc from the time I was talking about the kids playing kh but like,,,Miu handing the remote to Kaito whenever she hits a boring grindy part. I think he might actually also enjoy seeing all the different ways a conversation can go depending on what dialogue option you pick. Local idiot learns the importance of phrasing and tone from a video game.

Idk if the rest of them would enjoy a game that's 80% reading lakdja. Maybe if they played it together and could use funny voices.

As for like,,,the actual game Digimon Survive itself

I would like to see it as a startlingly accurate retelling of their adventures in the kemonogami world where the moral, wrathful, and harmony routes are hypothetical "what if" scenarios alkdfjak

In which case they'd probably all hate it. I mean okay I think finding out some of each other's thoughts and feelings when everything was going down and realizing what the events were like from each other's perspective would be neat but I do not think a soul alive would enjoy having all their cringe moments thrown in their face and replayable for their loved ones to see. Big Zuko watching the ember island play energy y'know like my god especially poor Shuuji would NOT need that ToT

[fandom-go-round]

The First Few Dates aka Middle Aged Lover's Club (MALC)

The first time they go out, it's not really a date. At least Yashiki doesn't think it's a date. Are four people allowed to go out on dates?

Mashita Satoru x Yashiki Kazuo x Daimon Shuuji x Hiroo Madoka (Poly Relationship, OT4)

This won't leave my head. You're welcome world for the ship no one asked for. Is this going to be a thing? No idea.

Warnings: Implied Canon Typical Violence, Low Self Esteem (Yashiki), Polyamory, Poly Negotiations, Pre-Relationship

The first time they go out, it’s not really a date. At least Yashiki doesn’t take it as a date. Hiroo had insisted the adults get together to let loose and Yashiki didn’t have the heart to say no. Mashita had loudly and insistently said he wasn’t going, a blatant lie since he was sitting right next to Yashiki. Hiroo and Daimon sat across from them, a bottle of sake in the middle of the table.

It doesn’t take long for Hiroo and Mashita to start bickering, Hiroo getting louder the more alcohol she drinks. Daimon sends Yashiki an amused look, shaking his head and ordering appetizers for the table. The two of them catch up while the younger two exchange barbs, easily starting an impromptu drinking contest. Daimon’s leg bumps into Yashiki’s under the table and he winks, Yashiki’s cheeks going pink. The other two don’t notice, getting close as they lean across the table.

The night ends with Hiroo leaning heavily on Daimon and Mashita smirking at her half-asleep state. Daimon gives Yashiki’s arm a squeeze before taking Hiroo home, the dual lab coats blending into the night. Yashiki drives Mashita back to the mansion, the ex-detective’s good mood not faltering. Mashita spends the night and Yashiki basks in the lightness in his chest; the normal crushing weight has left for the night.

The four of them don’t have time to get together for a couple of months, seeing each other sporadically. Yashiki takes a few cases with Mashita, not as partners but just to help. The knowing glint in Mashita’s eyes betrays what they both know, it’s only a matter of time. He always feels safe with Mashita, even when they’re running for their lives. The younger man is a steady presence at his side.

He goes to lunch with Daimon a couple of times, the two of them meeting at a diner close to the hospital. Yashiki always feels comfortable with the doctor; he doesn’t know what exactly it is but he enjoys relaxing with his friend. They talk about music and the other Mark Bearers, content to exist just the two of them.

Hiroo is harder to get a hold of but Yashiki does his best to make time for her. Usually that means she drags him over town to run errands, carrying her bags and then going for drinks after. She takes longer to relax than the others but Yashiki is proud the first time she actually laughs in front of him. She’s beautiful when she grins.

The next time they’re all able to get together Daimon picks the place, a trendy karaoke bar. Mashita looks like he’s going to cuss everyone out but Hiroo drags him to their room before he can make a scene. Yashiki doesn’t know half of the songs they pick but it’s fun to see everyone let loose. Daimon has a nice voice (when he’s able to sing without coughing) but Mashita is tone deaf. Hiroo vows to never let him live it down but Mashita doesn’t complain too much. It might be because she’s leaning so heavily on him as she laughs.

Something is changing between them. Yashiki can’t pinpoint when or how but things are changing. Mashita has been thawing, not only to himself but the others as well. Hiroo’s teasing is less mocking and has a sweeter edge. Daimon jokes more, something sly on his face instead of serious. Yashiki thinks that he’s changing too; more willing to relax and connect with the people around him.

Moe has been teasing him, saying that Mashita and Hiroo visit him at the mansion a lot more often. Once Moe knows, everyone else knows. Yashiki doesn’t think it’s a big deal, everyone comes to visit him, but there’s something that he’s missing. The one time he asks Mashita, the ex-detective looks at him, sighs and then rolls his eyes.

“Figure it out yourself, idiot.” The words lack their normal heat, Mashita sounding fond. Yashiki had meant to bring it up to Daimon before their next get together but it slips his mind with another spirit case.

Eventually Mashita drags them all to a local hole in the wall, something that Yashiki had walked past without noticing. It’s a mix between a jazz club and a bar, the lights dim and booths secluded. Mashita had swung by the mansion before hand and helped Yashiki pick out an outfit, something completely out of the norm. The detective hadn’t let anything slip, just smirking as he got Yashiki ready. As questions were ignored or brushed off, the older man giving up after a while. Yashiki feels silly as they walk in but once he sees Hiroo and Daimon he feels better; they’ve dressed up as well.

They’re booth is tucked into a corner, away from the noise and other customers. Yashiki enjoys how the low lighting caresses everyone’s face and resists the urge to touch. It’s not something he thinks about often, the way his eyes and hands want to wander. Most of the time he’s able to push the thoughts back but tonight it’s harder. Partly sake, partly because Mashita’s hand has been on his knee the entire night. There’s something unsaid pulsing among them and Yashiki isn’t as scared as he should be.

The tension bubbles over once they leave, exiting into an ally in the back. Yashiki is laughing at a joke Daimon told, bumping shoulders with Mashita. Hiroo turns around at his laugh, letting go of Daimon’s hand to cup his face and kiss him. She tastes like sake and mint, Yashiki freezing before kissing her back. His eyes slide closed, only opening after Hiroo pulls back. The look on her face is self-satisfied, the scientist licking her lips as Yashiki’s cheeks go red.

Mashita let’s out a scoff behind him, Daimon offering a kind smile at Yashiki’s mounting horror. The doctor doesn’t give him time to react, leaning down to kiss him as well. This kiss is softer, tasting like citrus and sandalwood. Yashiki gasps when Daimon’s tongue brushes his lips, the older man taking advantage of his open mouth. Yashiki is sure that he’s going to stumble until Mashita’s arms wrap around his waist. Daimon pulls away; Yashiki gets a brief view of Hiroo dragging him into a kiss before Mashita is on him.

This is the kiss that makes Yashiki ground, all teeth and tongue and smoke. Yashiki thinks he’s dreaming, that has to be the reason all of this is happening. There’s no way everything would fall into place this perfectly; life doesn’t usually give him what he wants.

“Stop thinking.” Mashita’s voice is a growl, pulling away just enough to scold Yashiki. He doesn’t respond, brain still trying to reboot. Hiroo lets out a uncharacteristic giggle, smirk wide on her face.

“He should be thinking about the right stuff now at least.” Her tone is teasing and Daimon shakes his head, a fond look on his face.

“Should we take this inside?” Daimon’s words help to sober them up a bit, the four making sure no one else has seen them. The ally is empty and Mashita takes charge, taking Yashiki by the wrist and pulling him towards the van. Yashiki let’s them lead him away, slender fingers brushing over his hips.

“Does this mean we’re dating?” Yashiki can’t help but blurt out, the other three stopping just at the mouth of the ally. There are a few heartbeats of silence and he’s sure he’s ruined everything. Hiroo breaks the silence with a lout groan, running a hand down her face. Daimon starts to laugh, loud and carefree in a way Yashiki only hears occasionally.

“Of course we’re dating. We’ve been dating for months.” Hiroo’s voice is her normal brisk tone, Mashita giving a chuckle.

“Now you feel my pain.” Mashita teases, Hiroo smacking him on the arm.

“This is all your fault! You told us you’d talk to him!” Yashiki watches as the two begin to bicker; Hiroo pinches Mashita’s wrist and the ex-detective smirks.

“I did talk to him. It’s not fault he’s dense and self-sacrificing.” Yashiki snorts, feeling a wave of confusion and affection.

“We didn’t really talk…” He trails off and Daimon raises an eyebrow, interpreting something different in his silence. Yashiki goes red again and Hiroo huffs, crossing her arms.

“You liar Mashita! You were supposed to keep your hands to yourself!”

“Shut it you noisy brat; you’re one to talk about keeping your hands to yourself.” Mashita looks pointed at her fingers on his arm and Hiroo pulls back like she’s been burned. Her face goes red and Mashita gives another smirk, crowding her towards the wall. Yashiki clears his throat, all of them turning to look at him.

“I’d like to talk about it, if you’re all still willing.” Some of the sexual tension bleeds away, soft looks appearing.

“We’d like that.” Daimon gives Yashiki’s shoulder a squeeze, the doctor moving onto the street. They all share a secret smile, Hiroo moving to walk next to Daimon. Mashita falls into place by Yashiki and the older man smiles, linking their pinkies for a moment before letting go.

He doesn’t know when they started dating but he’s not going to complain. Yashiki might not think he deserves it but he’s going to cling to this happiness with everything he has. That’s what it means to live, after all.

[digisurvive]

The case of the mysterious woman

So, my friend got digisurvive for their birthday and was diligently texting me about it. When he met the mysterious woman, he remarked "lol this is arukenimon again, isn't it?" (We watched Ghost Game together, but she hasn't actually watched 02 LMAO).

At any rate, this got me thinking the scenario brings out very fun points of interest for Shuuji, Kaito and Aoi, regardless whether we, genre-savy digimon fans, can buy it.

We get our first taste of Shuuji's risk aversion in this part when he quickly shoots down the idea of going out to explore, backed by Aoi. In true Takuma fashion, we push the decision for later, much to Saki and Minoru's disappointment. From Minoru's side, who has the tendency to act impulsively and plan poorly ("Let's go out and look for the Professor asap, we can look for food on the way"), it's not surprising he'd take this stance. Despite his fear being getting the spotlight in his arc, it's not like he lacks an adventurous spirit or dislikes entertaining bizarre ideas; it's more about how inconsistent he is to act based on integrity because of falling into his avoidance coping and priotizing his own comfort or giving in to his emotions.

From Saki is more interesting, I think, given she was chased around by Fangmon alongside Shuuji and finds the possibility of violent confrontation distateful, not to mention she's fairly conflict adverse too. Still, she emphasizes the idea of at least trying something in part 5, and, with her cultivated optimism, expects for the best. This very strongly plays into why her and Minoru trust Arukenimon so easily. Lots of wishful thinking and wanting to believe the best can happen. I think one could have a lot of fun playing into how eager she is to jump into the apparent easy solution. The disillusionment certainly starts to set for her past part five lol

Shuuji's stance is, as said earlier, risk adverse. He doesn't wanna take any chances and he immediately jumps into the possibility of getting them all killed. At this point, he still hopes a search party will find them and hasn't yet been shown that won't be the case, so he's not being entirely irrational here. However, the fact remains that it's a defined pattern for him to reject taking any risks and freezing and failing to respond to the situations before him. The other thing that is also a pattern is how easily he caves in to external pressure. He doesn't have much trust in his own judgment, and his own personality and upbringing make him suceptible to that sort of external pressure— so once the majority outnumber him, he takes on the responsibility of spearhearding the exploration lol This carries over to the way he fails with Arukenimon. He's suspicious of her but eventually caves in to what his juniors want to do, even though it's so ill-advised. Given the Cherubimon evo scene underlines the need for him to embrace his "selfishness" and trust his own judgment, it's pretty great how even early conflicts show us how badly he struggles to actually put his foot down and stand by his discernment. On the flipsode, this trait of his isn't always negative, not imposing on the group can lead to some necessary outcomes, but the fact is that these early "agreements" stem from being outnumbered and not having any real alternative than to follow the group, so they usually bring out his shortcomings more often than not.

In the case of Aoi, I think it's interesting that she initially backs Shuuji up, only to change her mind when she hears about the radio tower. In part two, she wasn't opposed to looking for the Professor and co, but she disagreed about going out unprepared, wanting the group to find food first. As she puts it in part four when scolding Shuuji after his argument with Kaito, they can't get by without ever venturing outside. So, she's not as risk adverse as him but tends to prefer caution and less plans when they don't have a clear goal. She rejects the idea at first, but once she hears about the radio tower and reasons the benefits it'll have (being able to communicate with the world), she sees the risk as warranted. Arguably, she agrees with Shuuji and Kaito about the Mysterious Woman because of pragmatic reasons but completely fails to rouse the group under this directive. While being a pushover often seems more of a her problem, this scenario brings out really well how her inaction or inability to assert herself can have negative outcomes for them as a whole.

With regards Kaito, this scenario is a great reintroduction to his character. The initial reason he gives for not trusting Arukenimon can boil down to just instict (Everything we have met this far is a monster, what makes you think she isn't), even in the face of the partnermon not being able to confirm his suspicions. Beyond that, he's so riled up by Arukenimon, he comes off as too irrational and violent (Shuuji and Minoru straight have to hold him back from fist fighting her, which is just hilarious). I think this makes him easy to dismiss by Minoru and Saki, even though his case is actually pretty credible once he actually explains it LOL The fact Dracmon straight up says "We'll go through this, and if we're wrong, we'll say sorry afterwards" makes it doubly funny. Despite being right and having pretty solid reasoning, he sure makes himself look pretty badly lol

[nix-illustrating]

hiya!! it's me again!!

so i've been toying around with the idea of ADA dazai being teru and PM dazai being hanako, and i actually really love it, i only wish that teru and hanako had more interactions in the manga so that i could do more manga redraws to get the hang of drawing ADA dazai as teru. OH! and also, this is something i've been thinking a lot about and i can't decide on, do you think that dazai should have the bandage over his eye as hanazai or should he only have the bandage over his eye as shuuji (when he was alive).

another dilemma, since in this story, fyodor is dazai's twin brother, he can't exactly be russian, unless they're mum or something is russian?? and they're both half russian?? but idk if that would work or not, if not, what should I call fyodor, since he'd need to be japanese?

thanks so much for all your help so far by the way!! i've really really enjoyed talking about this au with you!!!!

here is a tezai wave drawing i did last night as a gift <3

(it took everything in me to not make the eyes bigger, because im trying to follow the jshk artstyle as closely as possible lol)

First off, this drawing is SO CUTE! You draw so well!!

Second off, while there wouldn't be many manga redraws, since this is an AU, you can make up your own scenes (maybe trying to take the characters in poses in different manga pannels and slap them together in an edit can work as a reference?)

Also, about he bandages, personally I think you should keep it, but maybe have it look worse back when he was alive, y'know? Like, Hanako!Dazai has very tidy and well kept bandages that even seem fake/like a costume to anyone less informed, but in scenes from when he was alive those bandages might look dirtier/messier (like he applied them himself without a mirror) and even have little bits of blood in them to seem recent and less well kept. Maybe also do what Beast did and have the normal bandage eye be the one from when he's dead and mirror it for when he was alive.

Well, for Fyodor's situation, I see two ways this could go: the serious and the funny.

The serious way: maybe one of their parents was russian and both of them had accents when they were alive, but because of interacting with the humans and other mysteries much more, Dazai lost the accent and Fyodor didn't (it would also be another great way to create a dissonance between Hanako!Dazai when alive and after death).

The funny way: Fyodor is making shit up. He got named after a russian man and never shut up about it. He fakes his accent like a little loser and no kne but the Dazais realize. The Dazais always call him out on it. It absolutely kills the tension. It is gloriously funny.

(It's honestly completely up to you, I personally love both of these lol)

I'm also really thankful you reached out to continue the conversation, it has been really fun to talk about this with you :D

[supermacaquecool]

Odd pair commentary now

Okay, I'm not sure when I started writing this, I have the vague inkling of wanting to finish it for the first Survive week? Or is it just because I wrote a lot of Ryo fic for it? Beats me.

...

So yeah, I went to check my twt and I posted the first excerpt (the one above) I wrote for it on Jan 26th of last year lol It was around those times.

I remember a mutual had brought the topic of ships and how Ryo is likely the second most shippable Survive chara lol At any rate, it got me thinking I wanted to explore their dynamic. This funny interaction was the seed from which the whole thing sprouted lol Before I started the game myself (I knew plenty of spoilers already, though) , I knew from a certain drawing on twt that they cook together in Truthful, so I had been looking forward to seeing that a lot. I think the fact they're the same age and Ryo helps her out brings a sense of equality to their relationship that Aoi doesn't really have with her juniors, much less Shuuji. So I thought it could be fun. Incidentally, the way the affinity dialogue plays out where Ryo shows up to help her crackled me up really hard lol The way she ends up bossing him around much to his chagrin and the way he swallows his pride are pretty priceless lol

Another scene I really like with them (the other one I know of???) is that one that takes place when they're about to head to the northern shrine, and Takuma and Aoi show up late bc they got sidetracked with repairs LOL I loved the way Ryo chewed her out for not prioritizing lol So this is kinda inspired by that, tho he gets frustrated at her here for not asking for help (or expressing herself, period LOL). Now that I've written more, I have noticed that I like writing other characters finding my fav annoying, which is just unbelievably funny.

So, it was fun writing those points of friction between them, Aoi disliking Ryo's rude attitude and Ryo finding grating that she clams up lol It was not the cause for huge conflict, but it gave way to some fun smaller instances of awkwardness. I'm very fond of Ryo getting admonished for speaking rudely to her only to nearly call her a dumbass five seconds later lol

Aoi's reticence to rely on others takes the bulk of the scenario:

Ryo cranes his neck over her shoulder to take a peek at whatever she was doing on the counter.

This was a fun, physical way to get accross the way he's basically having to force brute his way through understanding her, since she isn't really communicating. She's clamming up so much to the point it makes Ryo nearly lose his patience near the end. Aoi doesn't really budge much in this fic, it's all Ryo and Labramon having to do the heavy lifting to bridge the interaction which is also funny. All the things she goes out of her way to cover their bases and not trouble others causing her to be cumbersome to be dealt with lol I'd like to write them scolding each other more, plus the mutual annoyance they learn to tolerate as they grow to trust each other more lol The way they're nearly opposites in the way they choose to deal with social interaction makes them very funny in my head lol Rude boy and proper girl, get on each others' nerves, now! Despite that, I think they're likely to feel real kinship with each other as the only competent caretakers and cooks of the group lol It's just a matter of growing comfortable with each other, so that's what I'm aiming for portraying.

As per usual, Ryo's pov is very fun to write. His brusqueness marred to his keeness are a blast, so I mostly think of this one as a fun little snapshot at how their dynamic could play out.

Ryo sighs, catching her drift. Despite all their talk about how charging to the factory will mean facing the Last Boss, some part of her doesn’t believe it’ll be over yet. Not like he can blame her. He doesn’t buy it either, that they will be done with all of this that easily. Really, given how things turned out in the waterways, preparing for the worst isn’t wrong but…

Highlighting this paragraph bc I didn't explore this aspect much, but that's another common ground for them: their catastrophizing LOL They could either make each other's anxiety worse or really bond over it. If I were to write them together again, I'd probably want to explore that territory.

[soccerpunching]

I love your posts! Can you share more of your Gouenji headcannons? Have a lovely day/night!!

OMG?!?!? THAT'S SO NICE OF YOU!! but you should know... that if you mention gouenji to me that I'll say something long... just like this one, sorry

His reason for initially playing soccer is not anything special.

(finally finished editing i think)

It wasnt anything like something that found him while he was lonely, something passed down or given to him, or something that he shared with someone.

I think when he was young he tried a lot of sports that would keep him interested and stimulated. He likes moving around. He likes the feeling of wind on his face and putting his body in a sort of momentum and drowning in the ecstatic feeling of adrenaline.

Track and field was fun but he realized that there was more stimulation that he was missing. In baseball he found out that he likes the sensation of direct competition; of being able to face his opponent.

Volleyball was pretty cool and has more bodily contact that his body required but it doesn't require him to run that far... keeping his legs moving was important for his body and mind in ways he never really figure out why.

Basketball was stimulating enough; he could run and he crashed with his opponents enough for him to realize that he knew rough housing was something he was looking for... he enjoyed being in the air too. But it was when he fought in a specially rough game that he realized what he was actually looking for.

Being raised in a partially conservative environment that willed in him a great importance to doing good and charity, he wasn't particularly encouraged on being rough and tough (only after his mother passed did he start being a little rough on those he think are wrong and started blurring how rough could he go over someone who he thought is wrong and unfair).

What he said to Kozoumaru (ares) about being a forward, particularly intrigued me. "You can tackle people, you should be a forward." I mean of course that's an important part of the sport, tackling, and as a forward he would know that best. But ig i just didnt expect for him to just be direct about that. Not like he's someone who minces his words, but the sound of pride he had about it was so intriguing to me. It sounded almost like that's what he liked about being a forward the most, but i may just be overthinking that. Not like there would be anything wrong if that was what he loved about it either, I just wanted to emphasize that he had a particular pride in tackling.

The headcanon I'm trying to share here is that he didn't have an important history in the discovery of soccer, but it did become the perfect stimulation for him because it had everything he wanted. When he lost an important person in his life (his mother), he became dependent on the sport itself in redirecting how he's feeling for what he could have probably gotten from communication and connection with others.

Whenever he's angry, sad, happy, lonely, or feeling any other emotion... it was soccer that had his back. It was a friend to him. And that's how it turned into his lifeline. That, I think, was the reason he felt more obligation to protect soccer more than everybody did or more than how Endou won't be able to. This was why he needed to be Ishido Shuuji and then the chairman of youth soccer, because if soccer was able to help and prevented him from being lost, then it could do that to others too. As long as the friend he knew (soccer) stayed the same way.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!! im sorry for posting it accidentally before i was done adasdfasd

[abelunwilling]

Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics/art/podfics/etc. that you've made, then pass on to others. Let’s spread the self-love 🌼

From @anstarwar :}

Aw! Hey, thanks! I'll do my best to answer! \o/ <3

Long Ride Home (Star Wars, Echo/Crosshair) Though I struggled for a while and stopped writing around the time my dad passed away, I really think this will be some of my best work once it's finished. I've had the basic plot planned out in a loose sense for more than a year, and it really feels like I'm finally getting there! All my favourite ingredients are here: slow burn, healing from trauma, enemies to friends to lovers... just trust me, OK? When discussing this story with a friend recently, I said: "CrossEcho is less my ship and more my oceangate submarine that I keep insisting is fine guys, really, just try it, moments before it reduces me to paste". Maybe that will convince fence-sitters to read it out of morbid curiosity!

this small, but stubborn fire (Digimon Survive, Shuuji/Ryo) This story has been on the back burner for a while (sorry!) but once Long Ride Home is done, it's my first priority. After writing so much sci-fi it feels kind of nice to get back to a more grounded, human story... I say that, but it is Digimon, so take it with a grain of salt, haha. It's also nice to write something with younger characters for a change, and play with using social media within the story.

baby (Mass Effect: Andromeda, Avitus/Macen) I've always been super fascinated by the topics of AI and robotics, and the moment I got the idea for this story it just kinda possessed me. Obviously this story is about a romantic relationship, but it also carries a lot of my own feelings about caring for a loved one with a disability. Written for a gift exchange, so hopefully my giftee liked it as much as I liked making it for them!

not our first rodeo (Star Wars, gen - Bad Batch) So this one time, I paired up with this super amazing artist for a mini bang event... ;D But really! I love writing comedy shenanigans and unreliable narrator stuff, and this story let me visit so many fun genres that have influenced my overall tastes and style in some way. It was a blast and I had so much fun bouncing ideas off of you. <3

what's in a name? (Star Wars, gen - 99 & Bad Batch) I wrote this a while back for the Vode An zine and, honestly, I stand by it. I really enjoyed writing 99's POV and I'll definitely have to do it again someday! I tend to ramble, so one of the challenges of writing a zine piece was sticking to the word count... but I worked with an absolutely amazing beta reader who did an awesome job helping me condense things and be super judicious about what needed to be kept or cut. I would say the whole process really helped me grow as a writer!

[loopyarts]

Shuuji Kayama character essay The importance of showing nuances and ugly parts of trauma

Shuuji kayama is an interesting character to me because he one of the rare few characters that shows/betrays the nuance and ugly parts of trauma and mental ill and health and it a shame he so misunderstood as a character.

So I going try my best to do him justice while I discuss my interpretation of his character and why it important to show people the messy parts of trauma.

Quick warning they will be spoilers for part 1-5 and whole of the true ending path so you have been warn. Also this topic will contain discussion on child abuse, trauma, depression and implied suicide.

Part 1 The beginning and the pressure’s of being the oldest

Let’s start from the beginning when we are first introduced to Shuuji as character he shown to be bossy and very awkward, he appears to not have the best track record when it comes to being well liked. Even the random students from the beginning of the game has nothing positive to say about Shuuji even in a way make fun of him. If by attention he appears to not the happiest person around in fact he rarely smile in his character portraits and seems to be a very troubled person deep down but we get to that later on.

Another thing that is of importance is his body language though-out the game earlier parts, he’s shown to be very nervous, sensitive and shows high levels of anxiety yet show a lot of concern for others and himself he always putting others before himself even giving takuma weak smiles trying to reassure him that he okay.

Around the the beginning part of part 3 Shuuji is shown not wanting help because he doesn’t want to be a burden and it some doesn’t want because he was told that was for the weak. He often get mildly aggressive at the idea of getting help. Which honestly shows how much detail and care want into betraying his character though-out the game.

Even though he never choose or even wanted to the leader, he was pushed by the others kids into leadership hood because he was the oldest. He takes on the task for the sakes of the others, a common thing with Shuuji is he is very self sacrificing in nature putting other before himself and his own needs. Even if it was not good for Shuuji in the long run mentally yet he still try to be a good leader even he knew he was bad at it and got way to controlling by his overprotective and his own fear of failure plaguing him. It doesn’t help when the others kids are disappointed by Shuuji lack of leadership skills which sadly makes Shuuji even more mentally unsure of himself and even questioning if even useful at all.

Also think people underplay a lot of Shuuji positives traits though out the game. he shown to go out of his way to best of ability even though if it can be sees as minor to some to find food, scout the areas and he was the one to comfort and reassure everyone when they lost professor to the bridge and later on Ryo to the fog. Which Shuuji took pretty hard to because he was one of few people that comforted Ryo and not being able to save him due his own cowardice affect Shuuji mind pretty badly adding more to unfortunate downfall that is to come.

Part 2 Shuuji and his family

Before dive into the deep end, let’s address what going on with Shuuji and why he acts the way he does.

Shuuji home life is very complicated and downright toxic, we are given clues about his home life by Takuma perspective bio on Shuuji who seems to know Shuuji and his father have a very complicated relationship and that’s Shuuji will do anything to try and gets his father approval.

In part 4 Shuuji has a scene with Kaito and has a conversation about his relationship with his sister and siblings in general. This leads into Shuuji talking about how he kinda of jealous of Kaito and Miu  siblings relationship and how close they are as siblings which sadly suggest that Shuuji and his older brother are not very close, although Shuuji holds him to a very high standard saying how amazing his older brother is compared to him but I do think Shuuji low self esteem plays a part in the overprising of his older  brother. However it does seems his older brother is somewhat dismissive of Shuuji problems especially with their father and with him and his older brother not having a somewhat healthy sibling bond but in Shuuji heart maybe he wishes in a what if way that his older brother would protect him from his father and for them to have a healthy sibling relationship.

What worrying is Shuuji tries to defend the mistreatment his Father gives to him and even try to make it seem normal and go out of his way to defend his older brother as well, sadly this very common with abuse victims they often will defend they abuser especially family ones because cutting ties with them means losing the only family they have.

Shuuji father is very calculating person knowing how press Shuuji buttons to make Shuuji appear as the aggressor and downright intimidating putting down his son and lecturing him at every moment he gets as we sees in Shuuji nightmare of him in part 5 beginning. He often neglect and deny Shuuji any praise or affection leading Shuuji to have very low self esteem, anxious having low opinion of himself and unable to really make a decision for himself, he alway need the approval of others or is doing it for others to justify his decision. All because Shuuji father never wanted Shuuji for Shuuji, he wanted a clone of in his eyes his already perfect older son.

We only know so much about his brother but Shuuji father sees his older brother as the golden child and puts Shuuji in the standard of his brother which he brother seems to be unsure of but he might also probably think Shuuji doe not have the ability to be like him, wither is out of care for Shuuji well being or even his own ego we never know.

Even in the prequel stories which came out in early September gives more context on Shuuji life in the real world and how he thinks.

Also credit to @kazarinn for the translation of the text a link to the original post here https://href.li/?https://digi-lab.blog/digimon-survive-recollections/  I hope you don’t mind me using this as apart of my essay also short to @digital-survivor who goes in better depth then I can about the schooling in Japan and why what father asking for Shuuji to do is kinda asking for basically complete perfection at this point check her out she great.

Huh…? Leading a group at an extracurricular camp, you say…?

(There weren’t enough teachers to serve as group leaders, and since I was known for my outstanding performance among the graduating students, they were asking me to help them.)

W-Well, I know I have the highest grades in my year, but leading a camp group is a different story…

(The teacher told me I had a good and reliable sense of leadership for this.)

Leadership… Right, being a group leader would mean…

(It’d be a chance to show off my real skills.)

(Was I thinking about my father at that time? Or my brother?)

Right, I understand. I’ll take on a position as group leader!

(On the other side of the phone line, my teacher was showering me with gratitude, and I could feel something swelling in my chest.)

(That was…yes, it was my own conceited pride swelling up within me.)

(If my father had seen me, he’d probably have scowled at me. If my brother had seen me, he’d probably have mocked me.)

(But that’s not the point. At the time, I didn’t seem to have any sense of caution at all.)

Okay! As a son of the Kayama family, I’ll show you how perfect of a leader I am!

(Not even remotely understanding how much danger my life could be in at camp…)

It not at all pretty and honestly very sad. Knowing Shuuji got the top student in his grades and doing everything he can he get his older brother and especially his father love and attention but he never wanted Shuuji for Shuuji meaning because Shuuji isn’t perfect or what he wants in a son in his mind. He probably will never love Shuuji for who he is which is honestly is heartbreaking I mean he done everything that was asked of him and been a good son and yet sadly people like Shuuji father will never be happy with his efforts because he not perfect, he not like his perfect older brother.

It hurt to know even more that his brother most likely will never take Shuuji out of possible fear for their father so he takes their father side and even does that as way to his life as non conflict driven as possible. So he mocks Shuuji efforts to be perfect/like him although it is not know if out of love or just his ego because he believes Shuuji can’t be him or do what he can do, honestly he’s not wrong. Even if Shuuji did everything right it would never be enough because he unless he gets the best university best everything he be seen as worthless to his father or even seen burden to his more successful older brother.

Part 3  Shuuji and Lopmon

Before we address the elephant or should I say bunny in the room. I think they a misconception on what the partner role in this game are and I think it be wise if I explain how the Digimon and humans work.

In Digimon survive Digimon partner are the other half of the human soul of that said human and have characteristics of they human counter part wither it been showing opposite personalities to similar ones it all depends on the human and what their struggle are with their mind. Even the Shuuji and Lopmon are shown to be very similar if one pay attention to there dialogue and mannerisms within the game. Such as shuttering a lot when nervous or they need for praise and approval of others.

In my mind I always saw Shuuji and Lopmon relationship as a big brother little brother dynamic mostly because it Shuuji basically looking at himself in mirror of when he was younger, weaker more naive and hopeful that his father would finally give him the affection he craves so much which leads to him hating Lopmon because he painfully reminded of how much hates himself and how he was never not good enough for the love and affection of his family.

Since he sees Lopmon as younger version of himself, he tries to fix him/fix himself by becoming more like brother or even worse more like his father. In order to make Lopmon stronger by making him do the impossible or things be done perfectly no mistakes or he’s deem useless, lazy a failure. In a twisted way its like we seeing what Shuuji childhood was probably like being relived by Lopmon.

Another about Lopmon is he probably one of few people to give Shuuji unconditional love which Shuuji is probably not used to being given. The fact he doesn’t know how to react might even think Lopmon is just pitying him, so he goes out of his way tell Lopmon to go away but like a guardian angel Lopmon feels it his duty to protect and help Shuuji no matter how mean spirited he gets.

What interesting is Shuuji is not as harsh to other Digimon mainly if you let him talk to the Digimon children in part 4, he surprisingly very gentle to them and tries his best to get a peaceful solution and even though he hesitated of Jijimon at first he does warm to him a bit. So the problem probably isn’t a hate for Digimon, it most likely because Lopmon is so much like Shuuji that’s it painful for Shuuji to be around him because it like seeing that part of yourself that you don’t like over and over.

Now this doesn’t condone Shuuji actions or the abuse he does to Lopmon but I think that’s the point your not meant to think what Shuuji is doing is right, what he doing is unhealthy he hates himself and Not all trauma responses are healthy and can vary from person to person,  Shuuji kayama is a very traumatised child abuse victim projecting his feelings onto Lopmon in an unhealthy manner since Lopmon is other half of his soul. It can also be taken as a form of self harm to one self in a way he literally hurting himself emotional and mentally though Lopmon who is also him.

But also will say it okay to let your characters do bad things, have unhealthy ways of handling things and make mistakes, What Shuuji does is bad because he handles his trauma in an unhealthy way that does harm to himself as well as Lopmon but doesn’t make him a monster or unworthy of redemption because at end of day he and Lopmon are both victims.

But I noticed something that never brought in question, does Shuuji know what he doing is wrong and harmful to treat Lopmon like that/himself because honestly I don’t think so because he often shown defending his father harsh methods and treatment of him and I think he really does believe that what his father doe work so he copy’s his methods and what he doing for Lopmon is out of love and a deserve to help him be stronger.

However he also rejects Lopmon because he represent Shuuji undesirable traits, even if it does more harm to Shuuji in the long run and if he continues to rejects Lopmon/himself things take a turn for the worse which leads us to the next section.

Part 4 The downfall

Part 5 is where things takes a turn for the worse as we see Shuuji reaches his lowest and most vulnerable even before we entered the sewer it very clear, how much the others kids have lost faith in Shuuji and his ability to lead. Any decisions you make with Takuma will result in the same outcome of leaving Shuuji behind mostly out of worry for him wellbeing but in Shuuji mind it shows how much a burden he is to the others and without thinking rushes ahead of everyone into the sewers.

I do think a lot people underestimate the sheer willpower and tolerance Shuuji has in this part. I mean the he spent a very long time by himself with Lopmon being forced to relive his trauma from his dad over and over feeling alone, scared as Arukenimon poisons his mind with so many illusions while poor Lopmon is powerless to help him.

Shuuji bit of self sacrificing himself for the others to megaseadramon could also be seen as a suicide attempt by Shuuji because most suicidal people don’t actually want to die, they want to be saved. What backs this idea up a little is how Arukenimon called Shuuji out for doing it more for himself, to escape his problems which honestly heartbreaking to think of.

By the time the others find him, he very emotional unstable and sadly finally he snaps clouded by rage starts to beats Lopmon up, crying tears of frustration and anger to Lopmon/himself why can’t I/you do anything right, do something actually do something. Shuuji then blinded by his years of suppressed rage and pain yelled at top of his lungs destroy Megaseadramon destroy everything that crosses my path, so I never have to feel pain/hurt or be weak/useless never again.

This triggered Lopmon dark evolution Wendimon born from Shuuji rage and pain a manifestation of his trauma. he destroys Megaseadramon in one blow no control only vengeance and rage he then goes over to Shuuji and without warning consumes him. Drowning him in a sea of his sorrow, regrets as he ‘dies’ in a way that implies metaphorical form of one taking their own life or letting yourself be consumed by your depression and trauma.

I think in some cruel dark twisted way Wendimon was projecting Shuuji from being hurt or feeling pain ever again by having Shuuji inside of him/fused to him as like some type of safety net.

This mess up fusion let us and the other kids hear the pained cries, regrets and fears both Shuuji and Lopmon had been going though and it honestly very sad to have to put the both of them out of there misery’s leaving them died to the fog. Tragedy ending Shuuji and Lopmon story with broken bond never to be resolved.

However, this doesn’t have to be the only end to there story. In the true ending we given a chance to help Shuuji overcome parts of his trauma and help him and Lopmon have a bond, leading to in my honesty option one of most beautiful characters arc I’ve seen in a while.

Part 5 Shuuji journey of self healing and learning to love himself.

In the true ending your given the chance to save both Ryo and Shuuji. With Ryo being very important because he the one to caught on that Shuuji has trauma and is the one to snap Shuuji back into reality by punching him in the face. Which stops Shuuji from hurting Lopmon and gives Ryo time tell Shuuji the truth, no sugarcoating and what he doing to Lopmon is wrong and tells how Lopmon has much has done for him and works so hard. But also let’s him know that he not alone because he has Ryo and the others who care about him and want to help him.

Shuuji looks at the others realising he not alone he has friends who care about him and support him. When he looks back at the bruised Lopmon only to see his younger self within Lopmon. As he realises what he had just done, he became what he most afraid of his father in that moment of his immune rage. He panicked upset at what he had done to Lopmon/himself. Immediately jumping into action as he tries to patch up and heal Lopmon apologising to him telling him how he did nothing way and that it was all his fault.

But then Lopmon asked one question to him, Shuuji was I of used to you. This causes Shuuji breakdowns crying as he praises Lopmon telling him how stronger he is compared to him and how he wanted to praises him for so long. Shuuji giving Lopmon the praise and affection his father never gave given Lopmon/himself the empathy and love he deserves. This lets Lopmon become stronger evolving into Turuiemon and being a symbol of Shuuji of starting to break away from the cycle of abuse and its chains.

For part 6 Shuuji and Lopmon spend time healing and getting to known each other to find they have a lot common to even falling in mud which make me Shuuji might be a little clumsy just like Lopmon. As they both in a way go back to simpler times letting Shuuji in a way feel like a kid and having the freedom to express himself along with Lopmon by his side.

Shuuji journey of redemption is not really about him redemption himself for others no it about him healing from years of abuse and trauma and finally learning to love himself for who he is and trust his own judgment and his decisions without chains of the needs of others approval or needing to justify it being for the sake of others.

Shuuji story is about him learning to love himself even thoughout Lopmon evolutions for example with Antaylamon Shuuji is so happy for Lopmon but believe he that just Lopmon own strength and Shuuji had nothing to do with it. To which Antaylamon correct him by saying that it Shuuji own strength that is able Lopmon to become stronger, telling Shuuji to stop putting himself down believe himself. Saying how proud he is of Shuuji given him praise and affection.

This leads to Lopmon final evolution Cherubimon, Showing how far Shuuji has come as he and Lopmon decide to take the emery by themselves while Takuma finds because he believes in Shuuji judgement. Which leads to Lopmon to evolve into Cherubimon after the fight he tells Shuuji how proud he is of him and how far they come.

Shuuji does admit it was for his own ego, Cherubimon reassure him that it okay to do for himself and his own decision not for dad or his brother or the professor or even for takuma and the others for him and him alone believing in his own judgement. Most importantly himself while it may come off as selfish, sometimes being a little selfish is important make sure your choices are your own and that take care of yourself while caring for others.

In part 11 You have chance to talk character and what they do after the journey is over, Takuma suggests the idea that Shuuji is like a teacher to which Shuuji enjoy the idea of which helps calls back to earlier parts where he and Lopmon are like teacher and student showing Shuuji growth as mentoring figure. Also showing how much he learned from the professor teachings.

Part 12 There’s notable thing because it a parallel to part 5 where Shuuji hurt Lopmon in part 12. This was when all the Digimon were blinded by  Zhuqiaomon hurt and rage by being betrayed by his human, After Takuma get agumon out of trance, Shuuji also try’s to help Lopmon ended getting hurt by Lopmon but he still persist with empathy and trust getting though to Lopmon in the end.

Later on at night in the cafeteria Lopmon asks Takuma if he hurt Shuuji, to which Takuma hesitated to answer but Lopmon already knew the answer because he had a feeling he did. Shuuji the enter the conversation reassuring Lopmon that it okays if fact he argues it’s a good thing because of what happened In part 5 he too hurt Lopmon because of in his own words his immaturity. Even though Lopmon forgave Shuuji in back of his mind he still felt guilt and even wish that Lopmon would just hit him back.

So when he got struck by Lopmon in a way it made them even at least in Shuuji mind. Although Lopmon thinks it a little weird but he just glad that Shuuji is alright and happy, having a even better understand of each other then ever before.

Another thing to note about Shuuji is the theme of found family with him, with the professor playing a mentor/father type figure in his life. The others kids being his friends are also apart of his found family given him the support, love, joy and fun Shuuji wanted from his family and Lopmon his little brother and guardian always making Shuuji is happy and will always by his side and protect him from harm.

Part 6 Ken and Shuuji

I wanted make a quick comparison for these two given how they both abuse there Digimon in way.

They both have big brothers but the main difference is Ken lost his big brother though death and is grieving his lost brother as a child and find himself in the dark ocean and later on the digital world using it as a type of playground to deal with his grief while also treating it like it just a game and the Digimon aren’t real and don’t have feelings. He later realised what he done and reforms into a better person as Digimon adventure 2 goes forward. Also check the show it great and Ken redemption arc is wonderfully done.

With Shuuji it the opposite his older brother is alive and well and he not very close to him and he struggles more with self esteem as well the abuse done by his father, which lead to him projecting his feelings onto Lopmon bullying him as way of coping with his trauma.

Wormmon and Lopmon are interesting comparison as well they both timid gentle creatures who are very loyal to there tamers and stays by there side no matter what dispute they abuse they both put though. Also I will say Ken is more physical abusive to Wormmon while Shuuji is only verbally abusive to Lopmon only getting physical in part 5 when he at his lowest point. Also wormmon doesn’t try to kill Ken and having a child character die literally on screen might be a bit too dark for a children anime to show.

Also Ken has a few advantage compared to Shuuji. First of when it comes to media there is a difference since Shuuji is a game character who unlike Ken is an anime character from a show you can ignore Shuuji though out it since it a game with choices and the player is in control of what they do. While in a show your forced to watch Ken grow as person no ifs or buts about it. Also Ken coming out when the internet was less active might also play a part in why he less hated as a character despite literally committing Digimon slavery and well the Digimon emperor it in the name. By no to Ken love the character but man he does some mess up things in this show.

What also might be holding Shuuji back a bit is well it’s a big ask to put another 30-40 hours into the game just to see Ryo and Shuuji grow as people which understandable not everyone has the time for it but in way it hurts Shuuji as a character to locked him to the true ending, leaving most people having a sour option on him.

Part 7 conclusion and overall thoughts

Overall I think Shuuji is a well written character and I hope I got you at least appreciate his character at a little bit. Now your entitled to dislike or hate Shuuji since he actions can be difficult to watch for some people and if he make you uncomfortable that’s okay but I will say it a shame when he write him off as just an asshole who unredeemable, especially when those people ignore his trauma and the abuse he went though by his father, I think it honestly misses the point.

Yes Shuuji did make mistakes but he takes responsibility and lets himself become a better person. Despite his trauma Shuuji is not a lost cause.

Digimon survive has a theme of forgiving in a yes you did terrible things, and yes you have to take responsibility and accountability for your actions, but you can still become a better person.

These are all my thoughts on Shuuji and I hope enjoy my somewhat clumsy essay ^^’ and I hope have a nice day.

[not-too-many-eyes]

For the character ask game: Ryo Tominaga

First impression

I didn't really think much of Ryo ngl, I think it's cause I knew he was going to die due to him only having one line and since he died pretty early I didn't really connect with him much.

Impression now

RYO BELOVED! HE'S SUCH A GOOD GUY! I love how active and reliable he can be, it's not super present due to how truthful works but he is! He's really good at keeping things on track. Plus his bond with Kunemon is just great.

Favorite moment

Okay so you know that part in Truthful where Miu and Kaito are arguing and instead of Aoi getting overwhelmed like she does in all the other routes Shuuji and Ryo step up to help? That, I love that, it's just this lovely showcase of how the both of them have grown and how they fit into the team. Love it dearly.

Idea for a story

That whole period where Takuma was away. I don't have anything super interesting I just want to see what was going on there. I want to see Ryo take charge when Shuuji and Aoi are tired! I want to see Ryo cooking with Aoi! I want to see Ryo bonding with everyone else and trying to keep them safe! That whole period where Takuma was away lives in my brain, so much happened during that period and I really wish I could see it.

Unpopular opinion

I...I don't know what's considered unpopular in this fandom. Uh, I don't really get the pathetic charm for pre-chapter 3 Ryo, sorry I just kinda don't.

Favorite relationship

My problem with this is that they don't really interact much with the others even in Truthful but like- Shuuji! Shuuji! I love these two a lot. They don't get much screen time but there good for each other! I think they contrast really interestingly! I have Truthful Chapter 5 living in my brain.

Favorite headcanon

...god what do I headcanon for characters? Uh...I like sorting the characters into what karma alignment I think they embody the most, I think it's fun to think about. And I find Ryo to be someone very connected to Moral in my opinion. I think when he gets his shit together he's very forward about trying to be better and again is very reliable and proactive. Like if Ryo was put in Takuma's place he would go back to save his friends even if he's scared. His friends didn't abandon him and he isn't going to abandon them yknow?

[fearowkenya]

Winds of Change

Chapter 6: Breaking the Ice

Takuma unearths one of the instant ice-packs from the pile, turning it over in his hands before speaking. “Shuuji, you’re the type of person who hoards items in RPGs and then never uses them, aren’t you?” Shuuji blinks down at him. “… Huh?” “Y’know, like in video games,” he says, “In a boss battle, or something. Even when things are down to the wire, you still won’t use the items that you saved up, even though that’s what they’re there for. You keep making up all these—these self-imposed restrictions—these unfair rules that only apply to you, and all they do is make things harder for yourself in a way that isn’t even fun. In fact, it sucks, the whole game just sucks, and you don’t wanna play anymore. But you can’t stop, because for some reason you have it in your head that you have to do it this way.”

Shuuji finally starts to see that there's something a little alarming about the way he expects cruelty, mockery, and scorn at the first sign of vulnerability. What's even more alarming is that it took over a decade for him to notice.

ao3 link in the source, extended commentary below!

this chapter was so much fun to write. most of my extended notes are going to be how much i fell in love with shuuji&takuma as a friendship and how the way they feel about each other differs from canon because of the events of this fic.

but first, the non shuuji&takuma things

google dot shit is a garbage website, STOP trying to SELL me polygraph machines i JUST want to know what each part is CALLED!!! anyway water is wet

speaking of water. the entire water bottle segment is new as of this edit and wasn’t in the first draft at ALL!! i really enjoyed writing it, it felt similar to how shuuji was freaking out in chapter 1 about the door to the apartment building. i think after this sort of thing happening twice, it’s kind of solidified my interpretation of shuuji as someone who is not very good at or confident about thinking on his feet, at least not yet. he’s spent most of his life always being told what to do and getting in trouble if he tries to deviate from that, so theres really no reward for him to try to come up with a plan for himself, even though being a leader is something (he thought*) he wanted. even when he was trying to be a chaperone at the beginning of the game, his instructions essentially boiled down to attempting to reinforce what the adults in charge were saying. 

(*more on that later) 

so one thing that was completely accidental was the “present” segments growing progressively shorter and the “past” segments growing progressively longer. the parts of the story that the “present” segments deal with take place more or less within an hour, while the events of the “past” segments happen over the course of about a day and a half. i was a bit worried about how “past-heavy” the past couple of chapters have been, and i considered extending the present segments beyond the scope of part6, but i think that’s actually going to have to be its own thing because it just doesn’t fit tonally?? i can’t really elaborate further without spoiling the events of chapters 7 and 8, so i’ll explain it better another time.

anyway, ohhh my god shuuji&takuma. ohhh ymgod.

as you can probably tell at this point, takuma is stressed beyond belief and is doing a miserable job of trying to downplay it. i think this is such a bizarre thing for shuuji to see immediately following the events of the waterway - it’s another “is THAT what i look like???” sort of scenario similar to ryo watching shuuji shut down in chapter 4. i think shuuji being able to see similarities between himself and takuma with regard to the way they react to stress is very eye-opening for him - theres alarms going off in shuujis head that something is wrong. in hindsight, takuma following him around right before heading to the waterway makes complete sense, and now he’s inclined to do the same; it’s incredibly alarming for him to see takuma, someone i think he initially sort of resented for his innate leadership abilities, in this closed-off, worn-down state.

speaking of takuma as a leader… takuma is just a really impressive protagonist to me, especially because he's a video game protagonist. so often if you’re making dialogue choices like the ones in survive, the main character becomes something of a blank canvas that the player is supposed to project themselves onto, but im delighted by how this is not the case for takuma at all: he stands on his own just as much as the other characters. i also think theres something really compelling about takuma and shuuji’s feelings about leadership roles, and how they deal with the stress of taking on that role. 

so earlier i starred * something about how shuuji THINKS he wants to be a leader. heres my hot take. i think if he was able to completely separate himself from the expectations that are placed on him, shuuji would have no interest in being the only one in charge. he panics and escalates very easily, and while being able to control panic and de-escalate yourself is a skill that can be learned, i still dont think that calling the shots on his own is something shuuji actually wants to do. i think shuuji would do much better in a collaborative setting, where he can share the leadership role with several people, but he’s been conditioned to resist that kind of setup - based on the way his father speaks to him, it seems like being unable to do things without help is considered shameful. so it probably felt pretty degrading, seeing someone like takuma make it look SO EASY to step into a leadership role and instantly command the respect and attention of the rest of the group, while shuuji had trouble getting anybody to even take him seriously.

but thats the thing - takuma does NOT find it easy, and honestly i dont even think he really wanted to be in this position at all. i actually kind of think that one of the main reasons takuma accepts this leadership role is because of how many people assume that he already has it and is comfortable with it. we learn early in the game that takuma is pretty introverted, and would have kept to himself entirely if minoru hadn’t forced him to socialize. he doesn’t seem to like responsibility, and is surprised to learn that the group considers him their leader. he’s consistently caught off-guard by being asked to be a tiebreaker or voice of reason, and feels uncomfortable when he has to make a decision where pleasing everybody is impossible. that’s not to say he’s not a good leader. he is! he’s definitely a uniting force - he keeps the group from splintering, and has really good intuition when it comes to raising morale. it’s just that he does this at the cost of his own needs, and he’s SO good at internalizing his discomfort that unless you knew what was going on inside his head, you’d never notice how much he’s repressing. so from the outside, he looks like the perfect leader, and i dont think it ever occurs to the others how much he struggles with letting them know how he’s actually feeling.

that’s whats been so fun to me about writing this version of part5 and part6 - it’s not a complete role reversal, but it’s got a similar flavor. something about the waterway incident triggered a strange reaction in takuma that nobody seems to be able to understand…except shuuji, when it dawns on him that this is what it looks like from outside, when somebody goes through the internal sensation of splitting at the seams from stress and refusing to let anybody get close enough to help. so now, shuuji’s moving away from the “i have to take charge” mindset and toward a “i have to be supportive” one, while takuma inexplicably appears to be shifting from “i have to be supportive” to “i have to take charge”. 

i think thats why shuuji has such a strong emotional response near the end of this chapter - shuuji is afraid of his father’s “trust” because it’s a demand to meet expectations that keeps him at arm’s length, and he can easily lose that trust by “showing weakness”. that’s so completely different from takuma’s trust, which was actually strengthened by the two of them being vulnerable in front of each other and being kind about it, resulting in them growing closer. can you blame shuuji for being like ‘wait, this is what trust is SUPPOSED to feel like???’ and immediately wanting more?

READER INTERACTION QUESTIONS!!! 

who do you think is responsible for labeling all of the water bottles?

So i don’t have an Official Answer for this one. i deliberately decided not to choose any specific person, though since aoi and ryo are the ones who packed the supply bag it's probably one of them

do you also feel Called Tf Out by takuma and his ‘you hoard items in rpgs dont you’ speech

yes. yes i do. im VERY much the type whos like (actively getting murdered in the final boss battle) "but what if i need this later ): " or (boss has 100x more hp than me and can attack several times per turn) "i should be able to manage without items!!! like, bosses dont get items so it's unfair that i get them!!!" so its very rude of takuma to say this to me. THAT BEING SAID, it’s something of a self-callout for takuma as well, but i dont think he knows that yet. 

anyway, that concludes the shuuji&takuma chapter. thank you so much for reading if you’ve made it this far, and as always i encourage you to share your thoughts and/or Gamer Theories (:

i’m not sure when chapter 7 will go up; it’s going to need some reworking as well, even though it used to be my favorite chapter hahahah. IN THE MEANTIME THOUGH, like i said on ao3, chapter 7 is the point where ocean wave becomes relevant, so if you feel up for it, i encourage you to take a look! regrettably i cannot hyperlink ocean wave directly or tumblr will put my post in the hell dimension and it will not show up in any tags ):

[manofmanymons]

I have concluded, based on an incredibly small sample size, that Ryo x Minoru is not too weird to talk about on tumblr dot com, and that at least one other human being on the face of home, planet earth, not only tolerates but ships it as well.

So I'm gonna be annoying about them for a minute!

I think they're cute as hell! I constantly think about the fact that in non truthful routes, Ryo takes Minoru's teasing to mean that he hates him, but in the truthful route he knows Minoru's antics are his way of cheering him up! + Minoru getting embarrassed about getting called out for it is silly and adorable!

I totally hc that over time they do just have a very specific dynamic with each other that only they understand. Minoru bullies Ryo and Ryo calls him a dick but really that's just their version of "hey how ya doin" "alright"

If Minoru's not messing with him, Ryo will check in and make sure he's okay. If Ryo is ever quiet and doesn't snap back, Minoru will check to see if he's okay.

Except the catch is that literally none of their friends have picked up on this. They all just think "why does Minoru always single out Ryo to pick on" and "Wow Ryo really can't stand Minoru, can he?"

They're genuinely considering talking to those two about their behavior and getting to the bottom of why they hate each other in hopes of getting them to get along better, only for them to rock up to the next friend hangout like "so we're dating now."

Everyone has the most overexaggerated sitcom-esque "WHAT" moment. Except Miu and Kaito who gave up on understanding other human beings so long ago that nothing can surprise them anymore and they're just like "oh cool congrats." Saki is surprised at first but very quickly is like "ohhhh that's why Ryo never shuts up about Minoru." She thought he was just complaining about him a lot but no that idiot had a crush the WHOLE time.

Oh oh oh hc that like on the first day or so of camp, when they first becoming friends, Minoru and Takuma were just talkin about boy stuff, and at some point they got on the topic of like "What's your type?" And Minoru with 0 hesitation was like "definitely a hot girl who's calm and gentle and would want a guy like me to take care of her" while picturing some classic comic book damsel in distress (delusional teen boy moment).

And now finally, FINALLY Takuma can make fun of Minoru for something. Minoru goes too far sharing an embarrassing thing Takuma did at school and Takuma just interrupts him like HEY WANT ME TO TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT YOU SAID YOUR IDEAL SIGNIFICANT OTHER WOULD BE

And it shuts him right up ksksnf

Minoru is the only person other than Saki that knows that Ryo only actually means "leave me alone" about 20% of the time, and the rest of the time that just means "I'm not feeling great but don't want to/don't know how to talk about it" and will do the OPPOSITE of leaving him alone (coming over to keep him company).

MINORU BEFRIENDING RYO'S DAD BY MAKING DAD JOKES. RYO IS SUFFERING KSJSKDN

Boyfriend who doesn't talk much x boyfriend who won't shut the fuck up beloved dynamic

Once in a rare while Minoru gets a little overwhelming for Ryo to deal with, but he never takes it personally. He knows his bf loves him, he can just only take so much LOUD at a time. He has other friends he can hand out with while Ryo is in recharge mode.

...Minoru taking advantage of no longer being a single pringle to torment his friends with the "no bitches" meme. The first time Ryo is the one to send it in chat, everyone is like "NOOOO THE MINORUFICATION OF OUR BELOVED RYO HAS FINALLY HAPPENED, IT'S RYOVER."

Bc that's how youths today talk, I believe. /hj

Ryo...surprisingly sappy. Minoru thinking he'd have to remind him of their anniversary only to show up at his place and immediately have flowers shoved in his face. RIP Saki and Shuuji for being the main victims of Ryo talking about Minoru for an hour. The bastard can pretend to be totally normal about his bf in front of the others, but those two know the truth. He is very strategic about NOT telling Takuma jackshit. Both because he's a respectful little lad and knows that there are some things no one wants to know about their best friend, and because he doesn't trust Takuma not to share any cheesy thing he might say with Minoru.

Minoru, surprisingly, also doesn't tell Takuma too much in the way of his love life. School life, home life, fandom life, sure. Love life? Absolutely not. Too much of a "that's not the kinda thing guys talk about" guy.

Famous last sentiments before Takuma becomes an annoying guy who won't shut up about his own bf 24/7 but that's beside the point

I think neither of them would be big on pda. They both get embarrassed too easy. Even then they're dating Ryo still calls Minoru a jerk. Minoru increases the frequency of which he obnoxiously calls Ryo "senpai." They are both, however, allergic to petnames.

Minoru tried saying "sweetie" once at Takuma's behest, and Ryo made him swear to NEVER do that again.

..despite being too embarrassed to hold his hand or kiss him in public, Minoru WILL make random excuses to touch his bf. Stupid things like "your headband was crooked" or "there was an eyelash on your face."

I don't have a good conclusion to this post, just know that I think about them a lot.

[spicykaraage]

Shuuji Tanegashima SSR - Story Translation

[How Cool☆ - Part 1]

Tanegashima: Hah!

Omagari: There!

Tanegashima: Keep ‘em coming.

—

Tanegashima: Thanks for practicing with me, Ryuji.

Omagari: You really went all out, didn’t you? Gimme a break, man.

Tanegashima: Oh, did I? Well, it is about time for a break.

—

Tanegashima: …Hey, what’re those three doing over there.

Omagari: Mm…?

—

Hirakoba & Tokugawa: …

Saitou: …

—

Omagari: They’re all crouching by a tree, what’re they looking at?

Tanegashima: It’s funny how mysterious they look. Let’s call out to them.

Omagari: Seriously.

Tanegashima: Hey, you three. It’s weird seeing you guys together.

Tokugawa: I just happened to be here…

Tanegashima: So, whatcha looking at so seriously?

Saitou: They’re observing.

Omagari: …Observing what?

Hirakoba: We’re looking at all these ants over here.

Tanegashima: Oh, so you are. They’re all lined up in a row.

Saitou: Some of them are carrying stuff. It’s pretty cute.

Tokugawa: This singular, uniform procession is but a glimpse of the devotion they have.

Hirakoba: I think the ants here look different from the ones back home.

Tanegashima: Okay, I’ll observe with you guys.

Tokugawa: You’re interested in ants?

Tanegashima: I think they’re cool, actually.

Omagari: You find anything entertaining, don’t you…

Tanegashima: Maybe so☆

Hirakoba: …

Tanegashima: Why you looking at me instead of the ants?

Hirakoba: I finally get a chance to see a reader model up close.

Tanegashima: Oh yeah, that. That’s my twin brother you’re talking about.

Hirakoba: Huh!?

Tokugawa: Twin brother…

Tanegashima: I’m just joking, of course☆

Tokugawa: …

Omagari: Hey, now… Why do you look disappointed.

Tokugawa: No, I just…

Tanegashima: It’s good that you’re honest☆

Tokugawa: Oh…? The ants are carrying a big piece of something.

Saitou: A crumb from a snack, perhaps?

Hirakoba: Oh.

Tokugawa: Did you realize something?

Hirakoba: When we were doing voluntary training, we ate chinsuko to restore our calories.

Hirakoba: I can’t believe they brought it all the way over here, they’re really patient.

Kai: Rin!

Hirakoba: Yuujirou? What’s up?

Kai: Well… Chinen’s apparently doing some weird experiments.

Tanegashima: Oh… Sounds like another interesting thing is happening. Don’t you think so too, Ryuji?

Omagari: Man… Forget it, I’m not going with you.

Tanegashima: How about letting your senpai tag along with you☆

[How Cool☆ - Part 2]

Tanegashima: Chai☆ I came to join the fun.

Kite: …? What is he doing here?

Kai: When I went to get Rin he said he wanted to tag along.

Tanishi: Oh boy…

Hirakoba: So, what’s going on?

Tanegashima: I heard there was an experiment happening.

—

Chinen: Fufu… Fufufu…

—

Tanishi: Hiroshi… He’s really into it now.

Tanegashima: He’s got the beakers, test tubes and flasks. Looks legit.

Kite: Good grief… What kind of trouble is he getting himself into—

Tanegashima: That’s pretty cool.

Kite: …What?

Tanegashima: Hey there, can I do an experiment too?

Chinen: Sure, go ahead…

Tanegashima: Okay, don’t mind if I do—

Tanegashima: Hm? What’s that sauce you got there?

Chinen: This is koregusu.

Tanegashima: Oh, that stuff’s pretty spicy isn’t it?

Kite: Chinen-kun… What do you intend to do with that.

Chinen: Put it in a test tube and mix it…

Kai & Hirakoba: Wha…

Tanishi: What’re you even trying to make…

Chinen: Something delicious you can put on your food.

Tanegashima: It might be good on some tebichi, actually.

Chinen: How about giving it a taste?

Tanegashima: Nah I’m good, I’ll try some later. Can I use some of that stuff too?

Chinen: Sure… Here you go.

Tanegashima: Thank you☆

—

Kite: They seem to be getting along well…

Kai: That looks like fun.

Hirakoba: Why don’t you join them, Yuujirou.

Kai: Wha… Mmm…

Tanishi: It could be interesting to try and experiment… Maybe we can make something delicious…

Tanegashima: Since you’re here, why don’t you guys try it too. It’s pretty fun.

Kite: But—

Tanegashima: You should try and have as much fun when you can, it’ll be good for you later on, y’know?

Kite: …

Kai: …I’ll try experimenting too!

Tanishi: Me too.

Hirakoba: Okay, count me in.

Kite: You all…

Chinen: Captain… You wanna try?

Tanegashima: You’ll join in, won’t you?

Kite: …Very well, then. I suppose having a bit of fun now and then won’t hurt.

Kite: But once this is over, we’re going straight to practice.

Tanishi & Chinen: Okay!

Tanegashima: That’s the spirit☆

Chinen: Uhm… Here.

Tanegashima: Whoa, you even got a lab coat?

Chinen: You’ll look great in this.

Tanegashima: Okay then—

Tanegashima: I’ll take it☆

Tanegashima: Let’s do some more cool experiments.

[STORY END]

Why was Tokugawa disappointed he didn’t have a twin brother…

[digisurvive]

Saki ramblings

I think it's funny that Aoi and Saki might outwardly look like opposites— the serious, reserved, anxious girl and the carefeee, outgoing optimist— bc what they both choose to say is very measured and there's a high degree of reservation for both. With Saki, it makes her appear downright flighty and oblique, whereas Aoi comes off as more lenient & docile & overall a lot more repressed lol I think it could be fun to write them both running into each others' emotional walls

The other thing that is fun is that Aoi generally likes talking about what bothers her. If you prod her, she tends to overshare. She is super consistent lol She likes being asked her opinions on things, having the chance to voice her misgivings w/o disturbing the morale of the group and to be reassured about things; plus she deeply dislikes having her concerns dismissed through "don't worry so much" lol

On the other hand, Saki gets annoyed/upset if you press her. Saki really isn't upfront about what she wants. She takes the edge off situations through jokes like Minoru (this makes the way she's rude to him extra funny lol Hating the mirror that reflects you, huh), but hers are more charged because even if she says it lightly, she's still taking notice to the ways the other respond. Sometimes she just wants to play around and be comforted without going into the gritty details and others she wants to actually talk about things sincerely but she won't openly say which time is which.

Her bluntness is interesting for me because she (& Floramon) tend to get annoyed when Takuma is tepid/too conciliatory, but Saki herself is fairly adverse to conflict. Not just disliking the fact they have to fight the mons, she gets outright weary of the group fights. That passage in pt4 where Aoi gets mad at Kaito and yells at him to let her handle the child digimon trio? Saki was 'oh boy, now even Aoi is getting mad.' So, it's funny that she gets annoyed at Takuma for being tepid when she herself doesn't wanna get involved in the arguments— even when she has a clear stance (Like when she told Minoru that voting on a human life was unethical. But still preferred to just watch Kaito and Shuuji fight, though she arguably agrees w/ Kaito). Both because she fears rejection so she would rather not disrupt the group and bc that conflict aversion.

At the beginning of the story, her bluntness reads more like impulsiveness for this reason. I'd have liked to see it evolve to a more conscious frankness tbh! (the response the affinity dialogues provide about her stance on conflict is really good though).

I love also love how utterly incompatible she's w/ Shuuji LOL I love So Much that affinity dialogue in pt3 where Shuuji is crying about the Professor & Saki can't stand him 😂 Despite sharing the risk/conflict aversion, they express it in such clashing ways. I love how utterly unfair she's to him in that scene. Part of Shuuji's conflict is that he isn't allowed to express that sensitive, crybaby side of his & it spills without control. He feels even less allowed as the oldest there, and it's such a moment that reinforces that. Not that you can blame Saki for not wanting/being able to engage, it's just that delicious incompatibility.

I also wish we had gotten more out of her and Ryo as foils because they're really similar in core ways: their desire to be accepted, extreme sensitivity to how they're perceived, their keenness; yet they'd seem to express in nearly opposite ways. I feel that they could've worked as a meta pair in a similar way Aoi n Shuuji do.