#it's exciting to experience a when they cry work as it's being released since i was way too late to higurashi and umineko to do that

[gguk-n]

Can you please write enemies to lovers with Lando where they have their first kiss accidentally using the following prompt :

"Is this some kind of game to you?" She asked, anger in his words. "Are my feelings nothing but a silly little game to you?" He shook his head, the sensation of her lips on his still lingering on his skin. "Never," he told her. "I've been wanting to do that since we first met."

Pit Lane Rivals to Race Partners (Lando Norris x Engineer!Reader)

{Reader's POV}

I knew what I was getting into when I signed the contract with Mclaren as their engineer. Since I had freshly graduated with very little experience I was mostly going to be assisting the other engineers and learning from them. I had been in love with cars since I was little. I remember taking apart the toy cars and trying to put them back together only to be scolded by my mother since my siblings were crying because I broke their toys. Seeing how destructive I had gotten even for a 4 year old, my dad decided I needed to release my energy else where and took me karting. It was the most exciting and the best thing I had ever done. Learning how the machine worked and how to control it as I grew older was my biggest passion in life.

That was what led me to karting races. I was an aggressive driver and anyone who got in my way would feel my wrath. I made sure not to cause a lot of physical or collateral damage. But I did cause one boy a lot of emotional damage. Both of us were fiercely competitive and neither of us liked to lose. Our races always ended with Lando behind me and he could never really take it. I had a good laugh but all of this turned sour when we had a huge fight after a race crash and he pined the entire blame on me when he too was trying to run me off the track. Both our dad's had to intervene and that's how I ended up hating Lando. But I was 11 years old. Right now, I'm older and more mature and I don't really hate anyone, it a strong word. I might dislike people but I don't hate anyone. And the incident with Lando is a funny memory at best.

Lando went up to become a Formula one driver while I had to cut my dreams short since there weren't a lot of opportunities for female racers. I instead took the more academic route and got my degree in automobile engineering and strived to become a race engineer or racing principle one day. So, when I was able to apply for Mclaren which was well on it's way to become the best car on the grid, I couldn't say no. I also thought about Lando, and how I expected to have a bit of a laugh with him about out 'karting rivalry' now that we were older. What I didn't expect was that the boy who's eyes I almost gauged out was still as petty as ever.

It was the first race of the season, in Bahrain and we had flown in a few days before the drivers to get everything set up. So on the day Lando came up to the garage, all the new recruits were introduced to the drivers. Oscar was a sweetheart and even offered us words of encouragement since we were on the same boat. Lando greeted everyone but me properly. He ignored my hand when I raised it up to shake his. I was shocked and my mouth was left hung open. If he wanted to be petty, I can be petty. I made sure to avoid him like the plague and the times we interacted were filled with sarcastic remarks.

Oscar and I had grown pretty close and shared a sibling dynamic. Whenever Lando saw us interacting he would have a scowl on his face. And then a couple months later, Oscar stopped talking to me other then exchanging a few pleasantries. It hurt a little when Oscar ignored me and walked away. I thought we were friends. I felt like I had lost another friend since I joined Mclaren. The first one being Lando, since I imagined that we would've been friends since we karted together but it turns out I was completely wrong. Honestly, he was my first crush too, so it hurt a little more.

Eventually, Lando had gotten a little bearable and he had stopped passing snarky remarks whenever I would suggest a strategy or an upgrade. Each snarky remark and not having a proper friend after losing Oscar too, was starting to get to me. After the DNF in Austria and how pissed Lando was, not many people were willing to confront him; me included. If he hated my guts on a regular day, he would tear me apart today, I thought.

At the end of the day, as were packing up, I ran into Lando. I decided to extend my condolences. "Hi Lando" I said as I almost bumped into his shoulder while stacking up the papers. He looked at me and just nodded, as if to acknowledge my presence. I decide to let it go, since it was bad day for him. "You did pretty well today" I said cautiously. He let out a forced laugh, "ha, you must be so happy. Watching me fall apart" he retorted. "What no?" I replied shocked. "You've always hated me, since we were kids. You left no stone unturned to make me feel like shit. You weren't even a good sport" He spat out. "Ok, Lando, I get it. You had a bad day, it was a bad day for us too. But that doesn't give you the right to say whatever you like." I replied trying to keep my breathing constant. "You were a spoilt sport and always got what you wanted. It must your life's joy watching me struggle" he seethed. "Listen here mister, don't you dare direct your anger towards the one person you see right now. Whatever happened was a race incident and you need to put your big boy pants on and deal with it. Stop being a spoilt brat and taking your anger out on others." I replied calmly. If that asshole said anything else, I was about to slap him. Lando stepped closer, trapping me in between the desk and him. "You think you are so mature and above everyone else don't you" he sneered. Okay, I've had it with him. He has made my life difficult since I set foot in Mclaren. Before I knew it, my hand touched his cheek with a harsh sound.

His eyes were wide open. Before I could say anything, I felt a pair of warm lips on mine. I quickly pushed him away. "Is this some kind of game to you?" I asked, anger in my words. "Are my feelings nothing but a silly little game to you?" He shook his head, the sensation of my lips on his still lingering on his skin. "Never," he told me. "I've been wanting to do that since we first met after so many years." It was my turn to laugh. "You don't say" I chided. "Believe me Y/N I really like you. And I'm sorry for the way I've behaved. I really needed that slap to set me straight" he said while massaging his cheek. "Don't fuck with me" I replied with tears in my eyes. "Then why did you Oscar stop talking to me?" I croaked. "I got jealous" he replied, head held in shame. "I'm sorry. It's just I couldn't stand you laughing at his jokes. I wish I was the one making you laugh." he mumbled. "I wanted us to be friends when I first came here, you were the one who pushed me away." I replied sternly. "I was a stupid kid and I didn't know how to react when I saw my childhood crush." he muttered. I was shocked.

"Give me one chance, I'll repent for my sins and wrong all my rights." he begged. Honestly I wanted to kiss Lando before he started being an ass to me when I first saw him after so many years; maybe I should let my intrusive thoughts win. I pressed my lips against him while my hands found his neck. For a moment, he was still, there was no movement and within seconds I felt his lips move and his hands find a place on my waist. After we pulled away, "I had a crush on you when we were kids too. But I wasn't an ass when we met after so many years." I remarked, "but I'll give you a chance, prove me that you've matured and maybe I'll start thinking about that crush I used to have on you." Lando smiled, "Okay, yes, I'll prove how much I like you" he said while almost hitting the chair on the way out. "Dinner date at 8, I'll pick you up, tomorrow" he called out as he ran off making me laugh.

[avatar-anna]

Love on Tour: The Documentary, Part 2

we all know harry is working on a documentary, so this is my take on how young dad!harry would approach it!

and now a little key:

bold and italics: camera directions, or what you would be seeing as a viewer of the documentary in person

just italics: interviewer questions, or people who are speaking off camera

Young dad!Harry x Young mom!Reader universe

Part 1 Part 3

In the interview room with Harry.

“There are some pretty heavy songs on Fine Line.”

Harry scratches his chin and looks away from the camera. “Yeah.”

“You’ve said in the past that you write from personal experience. Where did songs like ‘Cherry’ and ‘Falling’ come from?

“Uh...Not the uh…not the best time of my life.”

Cut to Y/n’s interview.

“Harry is…the most hard working person I’ve ever met. He wants to do everything he does with a hundred and ten percent. Almost to a fault, and there—there were moments where I felt like he was choosing his career over his family. You know, once One Direction went on hiatus, I thought things were gonna be different. I thought we would have more time together as a family, but we started falling into the same cycles. Write, promote, tour.”

Cut to Harry.

“Were you choosing your career over family?”

“I know how Y/n felt back then, and we’ve talked about it at length since then,” Harry says. “I think…I think at the time I only knew one way of having a music career and providing for my family, and it worked, so I almost felt like I had to keep that momentum. After the first tour ended, I came home and we spent time together, but…All I’ll say was it was tense.”

Cut to Y/n.

“I often think the pandemic was a blessing in disguise.”

“Really? Why?”

Y/n looks down at her lap before answering. “Because I was done.”

Cut to clips of Harry in Japan and in recording studios with his team.

Harry’s voiceover: “I’d never felt truly alone until we separated. To some it may seem odd because I was touring so much anyway, but I spoke to my family every day. I don’t think a day had ever gone by that I didn’t speak to Y/n. I wanted to give Y/n space, and I felt so lost, so I just kind of…stayed away. It was so hard. All I kept thinking was, ‘I did this. This is my fault.’ I eventually started writing down how I felt, but…yeah. Not something I look back on with pride.”

Back to Harry’s interview.

“Why talk about any of this at all?”

Harry’s eyes are red and watery, as if he had just been crying. “It was part of this whole journey. It wouldn’t be authentic of me to only share the good parts. Fine Line is introspective. It’s an album about high highs and low lows, so it only makes sense to kind of…express what I was going through to make me feel a certain way while writing.”

Cut to Y/n’s interview.

“What was it like to hear Fine Line for the first time?”

“Jeff told me H jetted off to Japan to write songs for the next album, and I didn’t see him until after it was nearly ready to be released. I wanted him to fight for us, but he just left. It solidified for me how much we needed to take a little time apart and figure out what we wanted. I was…resentful going into it. It felt like his music was tearing us apart, and he went to write more. But…”

Y/n wipes a tear from her eye.

“He…He was hurting as much as I was, and I was partially to blame.”

When asked to elaborate about the children during that time, both Harry and Y/n refused to comment.

Cut to an interview with Jeffrey Azoff, Harry’s long time friend and manager.

“I have a lot of respect for the both of them,” Jeff says. “What the two of them went through together, what Y/n endured all those years. Being a parent is hard enough, add everything else they put up with on top of that?”

Jeff shakes his head.

“But Harry went on a huge tour under your management.”

“An error on my part. And his,” he says. “I think we were so excited to start his career, and as a manager who has a client who loves live performances, it felt like a no brainer. I could tell that H was going to be someone explosive in the music industry, and I let that kind of cloud my vision.”

Jeff also reveals that he has since apologized to Y/n and that they are on good terms.

“So how did you go about promotion for Fine Line?”

“It was tricky, you know, because to the outside world, why wouldn’t H be doing all the talk shows and interviews and things like that? To everyone who didn’t know what was going on, he had all the time in the world and no obligations, but that obviously wasn’t the case.”

“Were there ever conversations to reveal his family to the public?”

Cut to Y/n and Harry in an interview room together.

“We talked about our options moving forward,” Harry says. “But we decided the best way to protect the kids’ privacy was if no one knew I had a wife and kids.”

“Definitely not easy,” Y/n says, but not impossible.”

Clips of Harry on various talk shows (Late Late Show, Ellen DeGeneres, Graham Norton) and at the Jingle Bell Ball, and One Night Only at the Forum appear. Some are of him performing, others are of him rehearsing, and one in a green room with Y/n, Simone, and Collette sitting on a couch.

Harry’s voiceover: “We decided on a couple talk show appearances in places where I could drive home afterwards, and longer breaks between tour destinations,” he says. “I was prepared to hold off on the album release so that I could spend more time at home, but Y/n wouldn’t let me.”

Back to Y/n.

“Keeping him from doing what he loves was never the goal,” Y/n says. “I just wanted there to be a balance. The kids were getting older and had more things going on, and I didn’t want their earliest memories of their dad to be that he was gone all the time. H wouldn’t be the same person if he didn’t have his music, but he also wouldn’t be the same without us. I never wanted him to give up his life for us, but things needed to be different.”

“Global lockdown was certainly different.”

She nods. “I think H saw it as an opportunity to…make up for lost time. It was difficult for obvious reasons. Online learning, keeping the kids entertained all day, staying inside, the toilet paper thing, but we’d never been the kind of family that spent so much time under the same roof before. It was strange, but also really nice.”

Back to Harry.

“You know, obviously I was bummed that I put out this album that I was really proud of and couldn’t perform it the way I wanted to, and there were already so many fans who bought tickets. I felt like I was letting them down too. But at the same time, it forced me and Y/n to share common space after so much time apart. I wasn’t about to take that for granted.”

This was all Harry and Y/n were willing to talk about concerning their separation. They did not say how long they were apart or when they officially mended things.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

In another interview room are four children.

“Can you state your name for the interview, please?”

“Simone Styles.”

“Nicoletta Anne Styles.”

“Maeve!”

When the fourth child doesn’t answer, Maeve does it for him.

“And that’s JuJu.”

“No it’s not!”

“Then say your name!”

“My name is Julian.”

“Do you know what your dad does for a living?”

“He travels a lot,” Maeve says. “Sometimes we get to go with him!”

“Daddy sings onstage,” Julian says.

“And on the radio!”

“He’s a musician,” Simone says.

“Do you have a favorite song that your dad sings?”

They all begin to talk over each other.

“I like Adore You!”

“As It Was!”

“Only because you were in it.”

“Baby Shark!”

“I like his One Direction songs,” Collette says.

“So you know who One Direction is?”

“Yeah,” Simone says while the rest nod.

“Simone, do you remember anything about your dad being in One Direction?”

“Not really. But Mom likes to tell stories about all the cool places we got to go together.”

“What is the coolest thing about your dad?”

“Did he tell you to ask us that?” Maeve asks.

The whole crew laughs.

“No, he didn’t.”

“I like when he plays with my toy cars. Sometimes we make a really big racetrack with, like, loops and stuff,” Julian says.

“I like when he plays tea party with me!”

“I like it when Dad picks me up from school early so we can go shopping together,” Simone says.

Back to Harry and Y/n’s shared interview.

“You do what?”

“It was only a couple of times!” Harry says in his defense.

Y/n gives Harry a stern look before she says, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Mmhm.”

Harry looks at the camera. “She does this to scare me. Pretends like everything’s fine and then grills me later.”

Back to the interview with Simone, Collette, Maeve, and Julian.

“What was it like being in lockdown together?”

“It was really fun!” Maeve says.

“We played lots of games and did campouts in the backyard and stuff,” Simone added.

“I learned how to ride a bike!”

Collette tilts her head to the side. “Well, it was mostly fun. When Mom and Maeve got sick it was not so fun.”

“I think Daddy was in over his head,” Julian says.

Cut to Harry and Y/n’s interview.

“I was not ‘in over my head.’ We were fine. Better than fine, even.”

Y/n looks at the camera, clearly amused. “He called me crying several times.”

“How did you and Maeve quarantine while you were sick?”

“We took our bedroom,” Y/n says, gesturing between her and Harry. “And they would bring us meals and everything. I was a little worried because GiGi was only a couple months old, but we made it work.”

“Why were you crying so much, Harry?”

“It wasn’t so much. But…I think we’re all used to having Y/n around, and sometimes Simone and Collette would argue, and Julian missed having Maeve around, and you know, was looking after a newborn during all of it. Y/n is truly the glue that holds this family together.”

“He got really good at braiding my hair!”

Everyone laughs at the little voice off camera, which turns away from Harry and Y/n to where Collette is sitting in a director’s chair. Then the camera swivels back to Harry and Y/n.

“She’s right. I am a master at the French braid.

Cut to a home video of Simone and Collette with Harry filming.

“Welcome to our home!” Simone says. She spreads her arms wide as she presents the front room of the house to the camera.

Both Simone and Collette proceed to give a tour of the whole house. They show a kitchen, a home theater, what they call “Daddy’s office,” which appears to be a converted recording studio, and the twins’ bedroom.

“This is my room. I share it with Simone,” Collette says.

Simone shows off the bedroom, which has white walls with pastel accents. Lots of stuffed animals on two beds with princess canopies and a small sofa. There are two rugs on the floor, a white one with a textured pink and purple smiley face and another white one with an orange pattern. A teddy bear bean bag chair sits by one of the beds. There’s a bay window with a small mattress and curtains with hand-stitched cherries on them. “A project completed by yours truly,” Harry says about the bay window bed. “I’ve become quite the handyman during lockdown. And an interior decorator.”

“Dad!” they both cry.

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll keep quiet from now on.”

The “tour” ends in Harry and Y/n’s room, where Y/n lays on the bed. Her belly is big, clearly several months pregnant. She smiles as Simone and Collette approach.

“What’s going on here?” she asks.

“We’re giving a house tour!” Collette says as she jumps on the bed. “This is our last stop.”

“We’re gonna send it to Nana and Auntie Gemma and…”

Simone rattles off all the names they plan to send their video to.

“Wow! And I see you have your own cameraman,” Y/n says.

“He’s good, but we have some notes,” Collette says, and Simone agrees.

“That’s it. No more cameraman. I’m the tickle monster,” Harry says.

Simone and Collette scream and run away, and the video ends shortly after that.

[ponett]

curious your opinion on this, since I always have a hard time deciding;

when the new transformers movie comes out, or really any animated movie in general, would you like to see them in theaters? or wait for it to stream?

I think it would be cool and exciting to see it loud and on the big screen, but I recognize that like. the is a series primarily targeted at children and this one is particular had trailers with all the usual "get kids in seats" kind of lines and tones. Not that the movie will follow that vibe to a T! but it's gunning for that crowd. And I think as an adult, I'd personally be a little overwhelmed in a theater with lots of kids. so I'll probably wait a while for it. or... you know 🦜🏴‍☠️⛵️

Honestly these days I only end up seeing one or two movies in theaters a year tops. (I have nothing against piracy for big studio stuff, but I'd rather not watch a shitty camrip.) This is due to a variety of factors, mainly the fact that I don't have a car and the fact that I'm dating someone who doesn't really care about seeing stuff in theaters that often. I feel weird Ubering to the theater to watch a movie alone. This is a me problem, I know. But it needs to be something I just HAVE to see ASAP for me to bother. In practice this has primarily meant the Sonic films because, you know, I have to post my takes to TKP in a timely fashion. The odds of me seeing Transformers One in theaters are therefore pretty low by default. I saw Bumblebee in theaters, but not Rise of the Beasts

Anyway, yeah, theater crowds can be a pain. Obviously I'm not bothered that children are going to be going to see a movie that was marketed towards them, be it an animated kids' movie or a Star War or whatever, but nobody likes being in a theater with crying toddlers and parents who doesn't know how to calm them down. Though honestly my bigger worry with some animated movies are the adult fans being obnoxious. This is why I never went and saw any of the MLP movies with theatrical runs when they were in theaters. Thankfully I didn't experience anything like that with Sonic 1 or 2 lol. I had that sweet spot where the kids were chill and the adult fans reacted to stuff but weren't shouting meme references or whatever

Really though, if you wanna avoid a theater jam packed full of rowdy kids, the answer is just to wait a week or two after release and go to a screening that's either 1) late at night or 2) early in the day on a school day. That usually works pretty well. And if you wanna see it, you should see it

[midnightstar-90]

Little Star

Evan 'Buck' Buckley x AFAB! Reader

Taglist | Request | Wattpad

Main Masterlist | 9-1-1 Masterlist

Requested by @icemansgirl1999: I would like to see a story of brand new dad buck or Eddie and reader (mom) had some complications after the birth and you can run with it how ever you Deem

Summary: Reader has trouble bonding with her and Buck's child.

Warnings: Mention of Breastfeeding, Language, Slight Slut Shaming, Small Season 5 Spoiler, Angst, Baby Fluff, Dad! Buck

A/N: Guys I do not have a child (I do have 4 siblings, and I am the oldest), and I have never had any children. I tried to steer clear of things that might be wrong, and I did do some research, but I mostly just tried to stay in the emotional range of things. So, if I said something wrong you could tell me, if you want (because I would love to know for next time) but please don’t get mad. I really tried my best.

P.S. If you see the name Harley, it was the original name for the couple’s child, but I thought Lana would work best. So…

Buck and Y/N were so happy when they learned Y/N was pregnant. The thoughts of their little "mini-me" ambushed their minds and became the focus of the last 9 months. They did everything a new parent would do before bringing their child into the world. They experimented with names, constantly argued over what the gender was, get excited over every photo of the ultrasound, and they even hosted a baby shower, inviting everyone they loved.

But it seemed that they were so caught up in all the fun stuff about being a parent that they didn't focus on the hardships of being a parent. Lana Buckley was born naturally at about a foot and a half tall and 8 lbs big. She was born perfectly healthy, and everything had seemed fine until Buck had to go back to work.

When Buck went back to work, it seemed like the child Y/N had birthed was a completely different person. Lana refused to eat, sleep, and she cried all day and night. But as soon as Buck got her in her arms, she was the sweet and calm baby the two knew.

This brought major discomfort to Y/N. She couldn't get near her child without her screaming. It made her ask herself, "Is it me?" When Buck would come home, Lana would fall asleep peacefully in his arms, and Y/N watched in despair.

One day, Buck had gone back to work. When Y/N woke up without her boyfriend in the bed next to her, she started her day. She cleaned the house and made breakfast before Lana's cries echoed through the apartment. Y/N walked back upstairs and grabbed her child before bringing her downstairs to make her a bottle. Y/N gently placed the bottle in Lana's mouth, hoping for the infant to gulp it down like she did for Buck, but it only made the baby cry louder.

"What? You don't want the bottle?" Y/N asked her daughter. When the child didn't respond, Y/N looked down at her chest and took a deep breath.

After getting Lana to eat, Lana didn't cry as much, but she still cried. Sure, if she was hungry or needed her diaper changed, she cried, but if Y/N placed her down to go pee, she would cry. If Y/N didn't give her enough attention because she was watching tv or random videos on her phone, she would cry. And worst of all was when she cried for no reason. It seemed like everything she did, made Lana cry.

Y/N had finally gotten Lana asleep after 3 hours of nonstop crying. She carefully bent down and placed the tiny infant into her crib, trying her best not to wake her. When she stood back up, she stretched her upper body with a soft groan and made her way to her bed where she softly plopped down and released an exhausted groan. She quietly prayed for Buck to come home soon since it seemed that he was the "Lana expert". But it seemed that her prayer wasn't answered as Lana began to cry again, and no one was home to put the infant back to sleep, except for her.

Y/N felt herself tear up as she lay face up in her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, listening to the wails of her daughter. Her failure to keep her daughter quiet made her begin to doubt herself as a mother. It was sad to think that after 9 months of excitement, she was now questioning her readiness to be a mother. That and her pounding headache from the noise and slight sleep deprivation brought the girl into a slight depression.

Y/N's thoughts were soon cut off by a loud knock from the front door. Lana had yet to stop crying, which made getting up to answer the door much harder. With a groan, Y/N sat up in her shared bed and rubbed the tiredness from her eyes. She shuffled her feet, across the wooden floors, over to Lana’s crib and picked up the infant.

A sharp pain spread through her body as she held the infant in her arms. She hadn’t completely recovered from giving birth, seeing as it hadn't even been a month yet, and because of Harley, she hadn’t had time to relax, leading to headaches and random bursts of pain in her back, legs, and arms. She was tired, to say the least, and found herself ready to kill to get some shut-eye.

Another knock erupted from the door. “Okay, I’m coming!” Y/N yelled over the screams of her child. With a tired sigh, she went down the steps and over to the door. Lana still cried in her arms, so Y/N began patting her back softly as she whispered calming noises into her ear. It helped the situation a little bit, by calming down the cries, but it didn't stop them. She opened the door to find none other than her mother waiting at the door with her dark-shaded sunglasses.

Y/N hadn't talked to her mother since she announced her pregnancy. Y/N grew up wealthy due to her father's family's long history of wealth. And her mom... Let's just say that the money was the reason she stayed. So, when her mother discovered that her daughter was to inherit her father's small fortune, her mother suddenly began to care for her well-being.

Her mother chased every man in Y/N's life away due to her obnoxious judging and rude comments. Y/M/N would claim that they were only with her for the money. So, when she announced her pregnancy, you know her mother wasn't happy.

But unlike her mother, Y/N didn't care about money. She loved Evan and didn't need his money to feel that way. And when her mother began harassing Buck, she knew it was time for her to go. So, Y/N cut her mother off, and much like the cockroach that she is, she was back. Probably broke up with her wealthy boyfriend and is in need of cash.

“Mom?” Y/N asked, surprised as she bounced a screaming Lana in her arms.

Her mother snatched off her shades and said, “Yes, it is me. After you rudely blocked me from your life, I became concerned. So, here I am to check up on you.” Y/N rolled her eyes at all the bull shit from her mother’s mouth. “I would have been here sooner if I knew my precious grand-baby was here already.” Y/N scoffed as her mother pushed past her and entered their apartment.

She walked over to the kitchen island, showing off a small gift bag that hung on her arm. "I brought gifts," Y/M/N said, placing the gift bag on the marble surface.

'Gifts?' Y/N asked herself. "Hmm, maybe she doesn't need money."

“Well, mom, to be honest, I didn’t think I could take 9 months of your kind words... I’m still not ready for them. And before you come in here, flaunting your unearned money, I think you owe Evan an apology.” I said, closing the door and walking into the kitchen.

“I don’t know what you mean. If this is about the last time, I was just trying to help,” she defensively said.

Y/N rolled my eyes and glared at her mother. “I don’t think that saying that Buck would be a terrible father and then telling me to tell him the baby wasn't his was very helpful,” She retorted.

“He wasn’t prepared to be a father, and he still isn't. He's a childish buffoon, and now it seems like he’s a deadbeat.”

“Buck is not a deadbeat. You know nothing about it,” Y/N spoke, defending Buck to her mother.

“Look around, Y/N. You are holding a newborn baby who hasn't stopped crying since you open the door. I mean, come on, sweetheart. You look terrible. Have you been getting any sleep? And where is Evan?” She asked, raising her eyebrow as she gave her daughter a stern look. Y/N scoffed at her mother's words.

“Buck is a good- no- a great father who works 24-hour shifts. He’s a firefighter, ma,” Y/N said, putting emphasis on the "great" part. She began to become frustrated with her mother as her judgmental side began to express itself.

“Now, why is that man working when he has a newborn baby and a sleep-deprived girlfriend at home?”

“Because unlike you, mother, we have bills. And there is no rich second party to pay for those bills,” Y/N said.

My mother’s eyes followed me as she said, “You have your father's money. Does Buck even know about your trust fund?"

"Yes, mom," Y/N said with an aggravated sigh. "He knows, and we both agreed that we're going to use that money to better Harley's life. But we're not going to quit our jobs for it. Buck is better than that. He's not you," She finished.

"Is that any way to talk to a guest- better yet- your mother?" Y/M/N asked, offended at her daughter's words.

Y/N's brain was trying to process all of her emotions, but it all overloaded her brain. Between the constant crying from Harley and the nagging from her mother, Y/N was fed up. "Hmm, let me think..." She began to act like she was thinking before answering her mother, "You're more like an unwanted guest. A party crasher. No one asked for you to be here, and I would love it if you left."

"What is the matter with you?" Y/M/N asked, now confused by her daughter's random outburst.

“My issue? You want to know what is wrong with me, mother? You’re what’s wrong with me. You treat me like shit, yet you have the nerve to put your two cents into my life. You’ve never cared about me. You only began to care when dad died and left me his fortune. In my opinion, you’re a gold-digging, 2-timing slut who can’t stand to see anyone but herself happy.” Y/N snapped, and suddenly, everything went quiet. No nagging from her mother. No screaming from her daughter. Y/N’s breath turned heavy as she let out all the pent-up tiredness and anger she had been feeling this last week, and the tears running down her face made her feel as if she was drowning in a pool of her own misfortune.

“I just wanted what’s best for you,” her mother said, releasing a tear to roll down her face. The way her mother spoke as if she cared made Y/N feel like her mother was blind to how her actions made her daughter feel. What her words did to her. Her life was like a broken record when she was around her mother, and she couldn't have that for her daughter. She never wanted Lana to feel the way she did, growing up.

“I think you should go,” Y/N whispered, laying Lana’s head down on her shoulder. Y/N's mother just stood there, wide-eyed with her mouth hung open.

The sound of keys entering the keyhole lock sounded in the kitchen as the door opened, revealing Evan. He walked in, confused, seeing his girlfriend upset with Lana in my arms, crying, and Y/N's mother standing across from her, shocked. “What’s going on?” Buck said, dropping his ‘LAFD’ duffel bag on the ground next to the door.

Y/M/N angrily grabbed her purse before giving her daughter one last look. “Nothing. I was just leaving,” she said, storming out of the apartment and slamming the door on her way out.

Buck looked at his girlfriend, and he pointed at the closed door. Y/N rolled her eyes and waved her mother's actions off as she began to make Lana a bottle. Buck came up behind her and kissed both Y/N's and Lana's foreheads. He then held Y/N as he slowly swayed the girls in his arms.

“Hey,” Buck said, turning her head to face him. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Whatever she told you is not true,” he said, pulling me into his chest.

“I don’t think I’m fit to be a mother,” Y/N mumbled into Buck’s shirt.

Buck's face scrunched up in confusion as he simply moved the girl away from his chest. With a finger, he moved her head up to face him. Buck scoffed and shook his head as he softly whispered, “Babe, what are you talking about? You’re an amazing mother.”

Y/N shook my head ‘no.' She didn't believe Buck's words. How could she? She only felt that way because of how Lana acted when he wasn't around. He wouldn't have any idea of what she was going through.

"Of course you are. You just need to sleep. Your hormones are regulating, and I know I haven't been home, but I'm here now. Let me take some things off your hands," Buck said, taking Lana out of Y/N's arms and into his. "Go take a nap, okay? I got this," Buck said, motioning to the upstairs area with his free hand.

Y/N knew that a nap wouldn't change how she felt about the situation, but she was tired from all the crying, so she did as Buck instructed and made her way upstairs.

Buck heard every sad sigh and sniffle from the girl as she walked up the steps. It hurt him to see how much pain Y/N was going through. He had seen how she was with Danny, Chris, and Jee. And that's how Buck knew she was a fantastic caregiver. He just needed to find some way to show her that she was still a good caregiver, but he didn't know how.

While Y/N got the rest she needed, Buck was downstairs taking care of Lana. He picked up the bottle that Y/N had made earlier, and he carefully placed it into Harley's mouth. Lana began to suck on the bottle. Buck chuckled as he watched the infant chug down the milk. "Yeah, you like that, huh?" He asked. And within 30 seconds, she was already a fourth done.

"Someone was hungry," Buck said as Lana began to slow down. Buck moved away from the kitchen and made his way into the living room with Lana still in his arms, sucking on her bottle. He looked down at his daughter, who stared up at him with her beautiful Y/E/C eyes as her small arms clutched the bottle. Buck couldn't help but see Y/N whenever he looked at his child.

He smiled as he studied the child's face. He began to notice that the baby had Y/N's smile and her nose that Buck loved to boop when they played around. His smile brightened as he noticed the mixture between his and Y/N's eyes. Lana had Buck's eye shape, but she carried the color that made Buck lose himself when he looked into Y/N's.

Like always, whenever Lana finished her bottle, she struggled to keep her eyes open. Buck removed the bottle, and her mouth opened wide as she let out a yawn. "Huh, I guess mommy wasn't the only one that's sleepy," Buck said before moving himself off the couch.

He made his way upstairs, with Lana on the brink of falling asleep. He walked over to Lana's crib before turning to look at his girlfriend. He looked at her with a sad smile before turning back to place a now sleep Lana into her crib.

"There you go," Buck whispered to the sleeping child. "Was that so bad? Why can't you do this for mommy?" He asked, earning no response, only the sound of soft snores. "You know your mommy loves you. She's just having a hard time. This is new for all of us. She's just taking it harder than everyone else."

Buck looked down at his daughter with a frown. He let out a sad sigh before making his way to the shower. But before anything, he made his way to his bed, leaning over, and placing a kiss on Y/N's temple.

The 118 sat back and relaxed while waiting for Bobby's special dinner. Bobby had put together a little celebratory dinner for the newest edition in the Buckley family, to which Chimney responded with, "Where was my celebratory dinner, Cap?" Everyone laughed at Chimney, thinking he was joking, but he was still a little hurt by it.

"No one thought that Buck would ever make it this far into a relationship," Hen joked, earning an eye roll from Buck.

While Bobby cooked, Eddie, Chimney, Hen, and Buck all sat together on the upper-level couches. They sat back and relaxed as the four of them joked around with each other and shared about their time away from work like they normally did during their free time.

"I don't know," Eddie said, looking down, in thought. "Chris and I have always been able to talk to each other, but now he's secretive. He doesn't tell me anything. We don't play together as much anymore. And not to mention, he's never home. Where does he even go?"

"Um, I think him and Y/N have been hanging together. Before she had the baby, I caught the two of them just hanging out together, but if it's recent, I don't know," Buck said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Ah," Eddie responded with a nod of his head.

"So, what's been going on with you, Buck-a-roo?" Chimney asked. Everyone turned to Buck, waiting for a response.

Buck shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say. Before answering Chimney, he thought for a second, "Y/N's been doubting being a mother."

Chimney looked around the firehouse. It seemed he was searching for something. "What are you doing?" Hen asked as everyone began to look up at Chimney with confused looks.

"I'm looking for a small infant that resembles a mixture of Buck and Y/N. I love your sister, Buck, but raising a baby while looking for the mother of your child can be stressful. Take it from the man who toured the country while documenting his daughter's firsts in different states," Chimney said.

"Y/N wouldn't do that," Buck paused. "She's just so stressed with everything, and it doesn't help that both Lana and her mother have been stressing her out lately. I came home the other day, and she was crying. Her mother had just left and Lana hadn't stopped crying until I got ahold of her. Not to mention, she looked like she was about to pass out. I love Y/N and I hate seeing her struggle. I know she's a good mother, but I just don't know how to show her," Buck said to his coworkers.

"Do you think Y/N and Lana have trouble bonding?" Eddie asked, leaning forward in his seat. Buck shrugged once more.

"Well, take it from me. When your child doesn't want to bond with you, it really does take a toll on you. And I understand that Chris is getting older, and that's what kids do when they get older, but Lana is dependent on you and Y/N, and for her to not want Y/N's help make be what's upsetting her," Eddie said.

"But how do I help them bond?"

"You seem to get along great with Lana. Give them some time together. Lana will one day realize that she needs her mother, and she'll allow her mother into her life," Hen said with a calming tone.

"Yeah, and if it gets too hard for her, guide her through it. You know what Lana likes. Instead of taking Lana from Y/N, suggest something that might help. But I have faith in Y/N," Chimney suggested.

Y/n walked into her apartment with Lana's car seat in one arm and groceries in the other. She struggled as she waddled to the kitchen, placing the car seat on the counter before setting the groceries on the floor. Y/N let out a sigh of relief as the release of the pressure took over her.

Lana began crying; luckily, it wasn't as loud as the other day. Y/N unbuckled Lana and pulled her up to her chest. She began to pat the baby's back as she tried to calm her down with some calming noises. But Lana didn't stop.

"Oh, no. Not again," Y/N muttered to herself, as she was now bouncing the child in her arms.

Just as Y/N was about to give up. Buck came back in from his run. "Hey, babe," Buck said, taking out his earbuds. Buck lightly jogged over to the two, kissing both of them on the head. "Why is it that whenever I come home, you're always crying?" Buck asked his daughter.

Instead of a response from Lana, Buck receives one from Y/N. "I don't know why she's crying. I fed her in the car. I changed her at the store. She's had a nap. I don't think she likes me, Buck," Y/N began to pout.

"She likes you. Crying is just a thing that babies do,” Buck said, trying to reassure his girlfriend. Y/N sighed, looking down. She didn't feel that the reason for Lana's constant crying was because it was natural. Sure, crying is natural for babies, but it felt like Lana never stops crying whenever the two are together, by themselves.

"I'm going to take a quick shower, and when I get out, we can make lunch and go for a walk or something," Buck said. He kissed Y/N's temple before he began to walk away. But he stopped when he heard Y/N begin to speak again. He turned around, looking at the girl as she spoke.

"But what am I supposed to do about her?" Y/N pouted as Lana cried against her chest.

Buck shrugged. "Try soothing her. You're a great singer. Try singing her a lullaby," Buck said as he made his way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Y/N took a deep breath, looking down at her daughter, who seemed to be in distress, with worried eyes. She decided to take Buck's advice. She had also seen other mothers do it with their children when she was out in public. It seemed to work then, so why not now? "Shh... It's all going to be okay." Y/N rocked the baby as she whispered some calming words into her daughter's ear. Her words seemed to work since the girl had stopped crying.

Lana stared up at her mother, emotionless. Y/N smiled at her daughter as a soft tear rolled down her face. She was happy. She had finally made progress with her daughter. Lana began to coo in her ear, making Y/N laugh in excitement. Y/N slowly swayed the girl around in her arms as she hummed the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are.

Y/N repeated it a couple more times before hearing a small laugh from the child in her arms. "You like that?" Y/N asked Lana as she laughed some more. Y/N sang it once more, but this time she danced around the room with Lana in her arms.

Unknowingly, Buck had been watching the whole thing from the bathroom. He had yet to get into the shower, but when he heard the harmonious sound of his girlfriend's voice, he couldn't help but see what was happening. So, he slowly cracked the door open, careful not to interrupt, and he watched.

Every time she sang the song with a smile, Buck's smile got even wider. His advice from his friends worked. He helped Y/N out, but he didn't take over. He just hoped that it could always be like this.

When Y/N was done singing, she began tickling the child earning bursts of loud laughter. Buck took this as a good sign and returned to his shower.

When he got out, Buck left the bathroom, dressed, and ready to go on a walk. He had on a grey tank top and black workout shorts. As he left the steamy room he was met with Y/N kneeling infront of a stroller, snapping Lana into it. Both wore jean shorts but Y/N wore a teal crop top, and Lana had on a pink shirt that read 'Princess' in gold letters and matching shades.

"Are you ready to go?" Y/N asked Lana in her baby voice. Lana laughed, making Y/N clap her hands as she copied her daughter's actions.

Buck cleared his throat, getting Y/N's attention. Y/N looked over at Buck with a slight jump, scared from not noticing Buck. She shyly looked away, embarrassed.

"So, you too made up?" Buck asked with a knowing smirk.

Rolling her eyes, Y/N responded, "Yes. In fact, you were right. Babies are known for crying; all she needed was to be soothed." Buck enjoyed the beaming smile on her face as she said that.

"Huh."

"Yep, I sang a little toon, and from then on, I hadn't heard a peep. We got dressed, and now, here we are," Y/N said happily.

"Well, that's good... Shall we get going?" Buck asked, pointing over to the door. Y/N nodded in response, getting up off the ground. Buck moved to grab the stroller, and the happy couple happily made their way out of the house with their newborn for a nice afternoon walk.

A/N: I am so sorry it took me so long to write this. I do plan on writing more often. I had a goal to publish this before school started back up again, but that didn't work out. So, my 2023 New Years' resolution is to get to the point where I publish at least 2 fics a week. Once again, I am so sorry. Please 🙏🏼 don't be mad.

If your user is in red, I could not find you. Please feel free to contact me if you'd like to be re-added or removed from my taglist. Taglist: @mrspeacem1nusone @girlnred @okiegirl24 @babypink224221 @iamasimpingh0e @Virginia @alexxavicry @kaitieskidmore1 @vanessaw05 @bellarkeselection @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @icemansgirl1999 @esposadomd @buckysmainhxe @sunwardsss

[dalamjisung]

Matching Set Masterlist

college!AU

popular!jeongin x introvert!reader

summary: Y/N and Jeongin had been together since birth. Seriously since birth– their mothers were best friends and while hanging out to complain about their never ending pregnancy, bam. Rumor has it that Y/N took a little while to cry, blinking around for a couple of minutes until the gentlest of screams came out of her tiny body. Only later, when the parents got together to congratulate each other, did the mothers found out that Jeongin had been born five minutes before Y/N, and it seemed that her quietness had been her own early way to wait for who would later be her best friend. And as if sharing a birthday wasn’t enough, these two had to share everything else; from their lunch at school to the bed they slept on. Thankfully, as next door neighbors, the trip was minimal.

It continued like this for decades to come, through middle school, high school, and finally, college. Their applications were sent together and their letters came in the same day. Miraculously, they chose different degrees, and for an entire night, Y/N cried to her mom about losing her best friend. Maybe this will be a good experience for you two, she laughed, petting her daughter’s head. But Y/N just couldn’t see a positive side to being without her Innie. Later, they would make a pact– one that vowed to always be there for each other. And he looked so earnest and honest that Y/N just couldn’t understand where that nagging doubt tugging on her heart was coming from…

What happens when these two experience freedom like nothing they’ve ever seen? And what will be of the matching set when they are put apart? Can the lifelong friendship survive the ultimate test of time– college?

update schedule: Every Sunday :D

——————————————————————————————

🌚 chapter one: hyung I’m suing you

🌝 chapter two: fellow clowns

🌚 chapter three: what bothers you, my little freeloader?

🌝 chapter four: forgiven but not forgotten

🌚 chapter five: she doesn’t need me anymore

🌝 chapter six: Mandatory Movie Marathon™️

🌚 chapter seven: delayed reactions

🌝 chapter eight: no turning back

🌚 chapter nine: things are about to change

🌝 chapter ten: another case of innie being innie

🌚 chapter eleven: see you then

🌝 chapter twelve: it’s a date

🌚 chapter thirteen: we need to talk about yesterday

🌝 chapter fourteen

🌚 chapter fifteen 

🌝 chapter sixteen

——————————————————————————————

hi lovelies! I know I have been a bit gone from the fake text scene, but I’ve been working on this for a bit now, and I am really, really excited to share this new story with you all! Han’s story will be going into HIATUS as I’m trying to sort the overall plot and details and will be reworking it after I get my muse back fro Rhythm & Rhyme. Also: there are timeline plot-holes and for that I apologize! Because it’s been a while since I wrote these, there was a mixup with the timeline of all the following stories, so truly, I am sorry-- I’ll do my best to keep everything together neat and tight! Thank you for your love and constant support!

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO GET TAGGED FOR THE RELEASE OF MATCHING SET PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND I’LL START A TAGLIST!

[thespectralvision]

I met Paul Bettany (again) yesterday at Dallas Fan Festival and I'm not sure I'll ever recover.

To preface this, I've been doing cons and seeing live productions for a long time, so I have met a fair number of celebrities and I've never had a bad experience. Getting to meet Lizzie Olsen a few months back was thrilling enough, and I feel so blessed that both she and Paul ended up attending conventions in Texas within a span of months. That said, Paul Bettany blew every other celebrity meeting I've had so far out of the water I don't even know how to compare them. Part of that is my own personal connection to his work - he's been my favorite actor for a very *very* long time - and getting to share how he's been a part of my journey from afar was very emotional and so *so* worth it. Long story below the cut:

When I met him breifly in NYC it was very exciting, but he was running almost 30 minutes late to his own play and didn't have time to chat, so we just snapped the selfie and that was that. The play was an amazing experience, and I discussed it in this post back in December when it happened.

Yesterday I had several one-on-one minutes with him over the course of the day. After a little stress getting in the line (where a kind lady on staff went out of her way to help me and a large group of friends in line with me. One of them had purchased an autograph because she's collecting MCU signatures in a book, but she told me she also wanted to set me up so he knew I was a super-fan.

He started by looking at the print and then deciding he was going to sign it in pink. He was *very* adamant about that, and I laughed and said it was his call. The grin as he started to write and confirmed that yes, pink was the right colour was a wonderful laugh at the beginning.

I told him that I specifially painted this for him to sign, and he was so kind as he looked at it and told him it was my art. I shared a little of my journey and thanked him, because I found Vision as a character due to being a fan of his acting for nearly 2 decades, starting with when I saw A Knights Tale shortly after it came out back in 2001. Before I could drive my dad would take me to go see every movie he did in theaters, and as an adult I've kept up. Paul's work has been a constant in my life, and a source of comfort long before his involvement in the MCU let alone my love of Vision as a character (completely seperate from the man who plays him)

I explained how I had been fighting severe depression for most of the 10 years prior to WandaVision's release, and I had given up on art. Watching WandaVision, and then reading comics about Vision made me want to paint him. The first several times I've never shared (maybe I'll do a big dump of unfinished/unreleased art one of these days) but I just kept trying. In the time since I've created close to 200 piece of art, and I take so much joy in it again. When I have a bad week I paint to relax, I paint when I'm struggling to express things, for a distraction or to share my joy. I didn't go into so much detail with Paul but he listened to every word. I then mentioned that I had met him very breifly in NYC last winter because I had travelled to see him for The Collaboration, and a front-row seat had been my Christmas Gift. He was *so happy* guys. He looked like he had just been given the best compliment ever when I told him how much of a treat it was to get to see him acting live. He made this little happy sound and it was so lovely. I think as artists, knowing our work has inspired others in the way we are inspired is a very high compliment and it felt that way.

He was so kind and at the end of our time together before I walked away he looked at me and told me I had a gift, and thanked me for sharing it with him. I think hearing my story and his small but oh-so-important role in it made him a little emotional too, he looked like he might cry for a breif moment. I said I would be seeing him later for a photo and he smiled so brighly and waved me off, and he didn't turn to the next group until I turned away from his table. All my friends were waiting for me and had been watching and they started freaking out about the conversation. Another friend who was in a different line but had excellent eyesight of Paul was like 'I think he loved your art wow his reaction'. They watched him with other guests for quite awhile and commented that he was all smiles and like that with everyone. Every other person I spoke with at the convention who met him had nothing but glowing things to say. A few friends told me after they now understand why I'm so fond of him hah.

I had a period of time between the autograph and the scheduled photo ops, so I walked the rest of the event and picked up some goodies I'll share in another post - it was like Paul Bettany/Vision Christmas I've never seen so much Vision art and merch selling and on display let alone being bought. When it was finally my time for the photo he finished with the group ahead of me and his face lit up with a bright smile as I moved into the space. I wasn't sure how close was ok - I have a rule of thumb when doing con photos to let the guest decide how much contact/space is ok because everyone is different. Paul put his arm around me and kept nudging me until I finally moved in closer, then he gave me a proper hug with a little squeeze. If you've ever imagined huging Vision (or Paul) it's exactly what you expect. Before he let me go he thanked me again (?!) and waved me off, and said he'd see me at his panel in a little bit.

His panel was also fantastic and fun, and he charmed the entire room. Some friends went with me who aren't as familiar with him or his work outside of Marvel, and they all agreed they would pay to meet him again/see a panel if he had one. I'm sure someone else will beat me to uploading the video (I did record most of it but my phone was almost dead) so I won't go into too much detail but it was such a fun hour.

I couldn't have asked for a better day. If anyone on this Earth made me feel the way Vision makes me feel when I'm reading comics or watching MCU projects, it was Paul. He described Vision in an interview once as 'warmth personified' and I think that's just a lot of *him*. His energy was infectuous and he was so gracious and kind and humbled by the display of fans. It was also just nice to see so many people celebrating his art and the characters he plays. It's rare to see *so much* love for Vision, let alone others that are less known.

If you are a fan and have an opportunity to see Paul Bettany live please do. He really is a gem and in this case I'm so glad I got to meet my hero in more ways than one.

[shiningshenanigans]

When Sacrifice No Longer Feels Loving: Raw, Messy, Emotional Thoughts on Loki Season 2

It’s been a little over two weeks since the season 2 finale of Loki came out, and although it’s been pretty much all I’ve been able to think about lately, I haven’t really been able to put my thoughts into words. And I have a lot of thoughts. I need to get them out of my system, and I’ve tried to write them down on multiple occasions, but every time I do, they keep getting stuck on the way out.   

So, I’ve decided to do something different. Rather than trying to analyze the series critically, I’m going to just start writing about how it made me feel, and see where it takes me. I’m not really sure what’s going on in my heart and mind as I reflect on this story, but I have a vague idea of the truth that it’s tapping into. Fair warning: these thoughts are going to get very Christian-y and preachy, so if the gospel is not your thing, I don’t know how much sense this post will make. But, if you’ve been having a similar experience with the season and care to read, I hope that you find some encouragement and truth in these messy, emotionally honest thoughts!

When I try to sum up how I feel about season 2 as a whole, the only word that really comes to mind is “upset.” I’m just upset about it. The morning after the finale aired, I woke up with a deep, hollow pit of sadness in my stomach. I broke down crying a couple of times over the next few days just thinking about certain scenes in episodes 5 and 6, and I couldn’t rewatch the finale for almost a week. 

Is it weird to feel this kind of grief over something as simple as a TV show? Yeah, probably. But I think that’s kind of the point. I’d been looking forward to the release of this season for two years. Without getting too personal, I’ve recently been through one of the hardest years of my life. Just this year, I’ve gone to two funerals for people that I grew up with, been in a car crash, faced rejection in a relationship that I had grown emotionally attached to, and mourned with my community as we experienced one of the most tragic shootings in our country's history. The release of Loki season 2 had become a little bright spot in my 2023; something to look forward to in all the madness. 

When the first season came out, I remember being overcome by how good it was. It was wacky, and sweet, and funny, and sad, and redemptive all at once. Even in its darkest moments, there seemed to be a thread of hope that ran through the series from beginning to end. Over the years it had become a comfort show, a beautiful piece of art that offered me encouragement when I needed a pick-me-up. Because if a comic book super villain with a long history of screwing his life up can change his ways, make new friends, fall in love, find meaningful work, stand up to his oppressors, and ultimately write his own destiny, then gosh darnit, so can I. 

My roommate and I invited our friends over, every Thursday night for six weeks, to watch the new episodes as they premiered. Our watch parties started off full of excitement and anticipation. I even made key lime pie for us the first couple of times, which was a big hit. But as the weeks wore on, and the episodes started to spiral deeper into tragedy, our post-watch conversations became more full of questions and complaints than anything. When the credits rolled on the finale, we sat in an almost mournful silence, watching the screen, waiting with baited breath to see if there would be a post-credits scene. There wasn’t one. You could almost feel a sense of dread fall over the room. That’s it. That’s all they’re going to give us. That’s how they’ve decided to end the story. 

I think the first words that were uttered when the Disney Plus screen finally popped up were, “I hate Marvel,” before we all began to voice how we felt.  

I can honestly say this has been one of the weirdest, strongest emotional reactions to a piece of media that I’ve ever had. It’s genuinely felt like I’ve been going through the five stages of grief over this show, but the grief isn’t just stemming from the inherent sadness of the story. I’m also grieving the show itself; what it’s become, how it was handled by the people it was entrusted to, and the knowledge that there will likely not be another season to redeem it. I feel angry, unseen and unloved by the writers who set up everything over the course of six episodes to ensure that the finale was as heartbreaking as possible. 

At the same time, however, I can’t say that I hated it. A part of me knows that the reason it’s affecting me so deeply is because it’s so well-made. Art doesn’t grip you this much unless it’s objectively good. There are legitimate critiques of the story/filmmaking that I could make and a lot of people already have. The temptation to scoff and say “Michael Waldron wouldn’t have done it this way” and turn all my excitement towards Secret Wars is very strong, but that just seems like misplacing my hope. Underneath all the sadness and the frustration, there’s also a layer of confusion. Am I supposed to be feeling this way? Is this what the writers of this show wanted me to feel all along? And if so, why? What are they trying to say through this story?  

I don’t normally mind stories with tragic endings, so long as I can understand the purpose behind them. I remember feeling similarly unsettled when I finished the first season of Arcane, wondering what the point of it all was. But after a little bit of analysis and reflection, I could see how the tragedy was fitting; how the characters choices had led to the ending and the cautionary tale it was trying to tell me. Even in the tragedy, it was still good. I’ve also learned to love the grief that comes with watching a character make a heroic sacrifice for those he loves. I think of Tony Stark in Avengers: Endgame, Janner in The Wingfeather Saga, or Stoick in How To Train Your Dragon 2. All these deaths are heartbreaking and painful to watch, but there’s a certain beauty to them too, and you can feel the goodness and love in their sacrifices.

This one is different, though. Something about this one feels wrong. Something about this one feels deeply, inherently, not good. And analysis is only making it worse. 

I’m having a really hard time seeing the beauty in the sacrifice that Loki makes at the end of season 2. This story wasn’t supposed to end in tragedy. It was supposed to be a reversal of tragedy. A second chance for a beloved character (one who has already sacrificed himself for love on multiple occasions) to finally receive some kind of reward instead of punishment.

To end the series the way the writers did feels almost like a stab in the back, a betrayal if you will, of all the hope and joy and restoration that the first season promised. I guess adopted children who are abandoned at birth really are destined to be alone forever, no matter how much love they have to give. I guess villains can’t find redemption, and even if they do, they will not escape eternal punishment for their sins. I guess quarrels between brothers (or lovers) can’t be resolved, and every relationship we cherish is doomed to fall apart eventually. I guess young women like me, who are strong and independent because we’ve had to be, are not worth pursuing, and we should be content with our middle-management jobs and casual friendships as if that is the peak of human existence. I guess we should embrace isolation and selfishness after all. I guess true love doesn’t really exist, and we should walk away from any semblance of it before it makes us bleed.

Bummer. 

The night after we watched the finale, I drove a couple of my friends home. On the drive back, I could feel the sadness of the story aching in my gut. I thought specifically about Sylvie, and how unsatisfied I felt with where the story left her. I’ve always connected with her as a character, and I hated the way she had been sidelined throughout the season. Every week, I had tuned in hoping I would see some kind of reconciliation between her and Loki. I just wanted some kind assurance that she loved him back, that they would somehow end up together in the end. One kiss, one hug, just… one conversation, for heaven’s sake. One apology from either side. One confession of love. But six episodes and it never came. Their relationship wasn’t even addressed. It was reduced to subtext, as if it wasn’t the back bone that Michael Waldron built his original pitch off of back before 2021.  

I thought about the way she shrugged and smiled when Mobius asked her what she was going to do next, and it just irked me. Why didn’t they tell us what her plans were? Why didn’t they give us some kind of clue? It seemed so obvious to me what she should do. She should make good use of her Tempad and go be with Loki. How could she just walk away, knowing everything he just sacrificed for her? Do people really think she could just… go back to her life after that, with so many things left unsaid between them? If she really does love him, how could she? How could she go through life, knowing that the truest love she’s ever experienced is lightyears away, always watching, always with her, but unable to be physically present with her in a mortal, tangible way? It sounded like such a sad, lonely fate and my heart broke for both Sylvie and Loki as I thought about it.  

But then it dawned on me: wait a second… isn’t that what it’s like to be a Christian? Isn’t that the reality I’m living every day, as Christ’s bride? The weight of that realization was so heavy I almost had to pull over on the side of the road because I couldn’t breath. My savior loves me more than anything. He gave up everything for me, just like Loki did for Sylvie. I don’t even know how many rounds he went with the enemy on that cross, just to bargain for my soul. And what do I do about it? I shrug it off with a smile. I forget about it until it’s convenient. I go back to my job, my house, my car, my record store, as if every second of my life hasn’t been paid for by the blood, sweat, and tears of a God who just wants me to be ok. As if I could ever fool myself into believing a life without Him is enough for me. 

As if I shouldn’t be fighting like hell to get back to Him. As if love so amazing, so divine, doesn’t demand my life, my soul, my all. Just so you know, I teared up again writing that last paragraph.

A lot of people have pointed out the parallels that can be made between Loki and Sylvie and Adam and Eve. The comparison really does work in a lot of ways. A perfect likeness, a counterpart created for a lonely man because “it is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). One flesh, two halves of a whole. Equals, balancing and complementing each other perfectly. A couple chosen by a higher power to rule the universe with authority. There’s something edenic about that scene where they snuggle in the grass under that blanket together: a man and a woman, wrapped up in a garden of green, completely unguarded and vulnerable with each other. The man promises the woman his protection, and the woman shyly offers him her trust and thanks in return. 

When they make it to the Citadel at the End of Time, their parting echoes deeply of the fall. The serpent (He Who Remains) sows seeds of distrust between them, knowing full-well that they are stronger together and could easily overpower him if they remain united. The two halves are torn apart and turn on one another. The woman, in her thirst for freedom, takes control of the situation, and the man fails in his duty to stop her. Free will is unleashed into the world, and with it comes consequence and chaos and danger.         

If season 1 can be read as the journey from the garden to the fall, season 2 reads more like the journey from the fall to the cross. Chaos and confusion, spiraling slowly towards death and destruction. Constant distrust between the man and the woman, between God and his bride. An inability to reconcile, to fix what’s been broken. The citadel goes from being Eden to being Gethsemane. When every other option has been tried and all hope is lost, Loki returns to the moment of the fall and pleads with his love, over and over again, to make a different choice. But she will not stop rebelling, even though it leads to her death every time. 

Unable to reason with her, Loki confronts He Who Remains to bargain for her life. But there’s no option that doesn’t end in bloodshed. Loki must either kill Sylvie, the woman he loves, and go on committing genocide in HWR’s place. Or, he must break the temporal loom and let the chaos that ensues destroy all of reality. These, according to He Who Remains, are the only two choices. So Loki makes a third choice. Instead of sacrificing others for the multiverse, he makes a total sacrifice of himself. I think you can see where I’m going with this. 

It’s not lost on me how weird it is to compare Loki, a marvel super villain based off of a pagan norse god, to Jesus. But the crucifixion/ascension parallels here aren’t exactly subtle. Loki puts on a heavy crown, carries a great burden up a hill, and “dies” on a tree of all things, to save both the woman he loves and the group of friends he’s grown close with during his time at the TVA. His last words to his loved ones before he ascends are, “I know what kind of God I need to be, for you, for all of us.” When I think about the story in these parabolic terms, I’m almost overwhelmed by how much truth is woven into this mythology.  And yet, something about it still feels deeply unsettling to me. There’s still a piece missing that makes it feel more like a Greek tragedy than a Jewish parable. 

As they are, Loki Seasons 1 and 2 show me a reflection of the fall, the cross, and in some ways, the ascension of Jesus Christ. What they don’t show me is a picture of the resurrection. And any christian will tell you that the resurrection is the most vital part of the story (1 Corinthians 15:16-20). The series shows me sin and what it costs. They show me what is lost in sacrifice, but they don’t show me what is gained. The hero meets a fate worse then death, and is forced to remain there, alone, for all eternity. There are no tearful reunions at the tomb, no assurance that death has been defeated, no eucatastrophe. No curse reversed. God and man are forever separated, and for some reason that’s supposed to be beautiful, according to Marvel. It’s not. It’s a question mark, a gaping wound at the end of the story that offers no comfort. To live in that tension, that separation, in those three days between Christ’s death and his resurrection, is literally the most painful, most hopeless place for the human heart to dwell. But, maybe it’s a tension that we should sit in more often, so that we can appreciate the weight of what Christ did for us. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I don’t really hate season 2 of Loki. It’s a beautifully crafted piece of art, well-written (sort of) and well-acted, with gorgeous production design and a deep, meaningful story at its core. What I hate, with every fiber of my being, is the thought that that is where the story ends. That it’s supposed to end there. That this ending is good. As a Christian, I almost can’t accept it. Everything in me screams that there has to be more resolution beyond the credits of the finale. 

That, I think, is where all the pain swirling in my heart around this story is really coming from. And whether they know it or not, I think that’s where a lot of the Loki fandom’s pain is coming from right now. The gospel is so written into our DNA that it pours itself out into every mythology we try to create. We are so desperate for the reassurance that the resurrection is true, that when we get even the slightest hint that it might not be, it triggers our deepest, darkest anxieties. Nothing scares me more than the thought of being alone, separated from God, for all eternity. Not even death is scarier, or more tragic, than that. It is, by definition, hell. 

So yeah. Curse you, Marvel. Curse you for telling me a story that hurts like hell, and expecting me to just be ok with it. For giving me an ending that could never, in any reality, be satisfying or conclusive, and then trying to gaslight me into believing that it is. For ensuring that I will probably end up buying a ticket for both Secret Wars and Kang Dynasty (even though I’m really tired of superhero movies) just so that I can see if I’m right, that love really does win in the end. I don’t really have any kind of expectation that the next two Avengers movies are going to give me the closure I’m looking for. But I think I know where I can find it.  

As grieved as I am by the way Marvel handled this story, I’m also kind of amazed by the way its incompleteness is revealing to me the total, satisfying completeness of the gospel. Marvel can’t promise me that, at the end of time, the God of Stories will be reunited with his warring bride and live happily ever after in the presence of his inner circle. But the gospel does. And the hope that I find there is immeasurable.

[astroyongie]

Sukuna nsfw a to z plsssss

A To Z Analysis: NSFW

Sukuna

(based on 6urse chart)

A = Aftercare 

he is surprisingly good at aftercare but without speaking it out. he is organized and gets things ready before the session so after it he just has to do whatever it takes without having to listen to you demanding it

B = Body part 

both on himself and his partner he likes the same thing. for exemple a nice well taken hair is something he appreciates, pail skin, well done nails and just that softness on the skin. Sukuna is a simple man

C = Cum (

he is usually very simple and he doesnt like the mess of cum. however when he is really excited he loves to release on the smaller back on his partner

D = Dirty secret 

you dont understand how many pictures and videos of you he has stored on his phone. from semi nudes to nudes to full videos of you in the most vulnerable ways, the pride he has that he was there in all of those

E = Experience

he has quite some experience but they come from previous relationships as he isnt the type to have one night stands

F = Favorite position

doggy style and mattress press. anything with his partner being turned around and upon his mercy

G = Goofy 

this man is far from goofy. he is full business and seriousness during the need, there's no place for humor

H = Hair 

he is well groomed actually, he takes care of his body and of his applearence even down there. he doesnt care much for his partner but he would prefer them to have groomed hair. not bare neither too fussy

I = Intimacy 

he will never admit it but intimacy Is important as he wont sleep with anyone unless he has some feelings at least for the person

J = Jack off

he does it often mostly when he is under a lot of stress and pressure and he needs something to clear off his mind

K = Kink 

his kinks arent as sadistic as one can think but they still express dominance since he wont allow his partner to have any. overstimulation one day, orgasm denial the other. scent play and spanking are his favorite things ever

L = Location 

bedroom of course but also.. his working place

M = Motivation 

its not easy to turn him on, since he is well self controlled and he doesnt like to lose his composure. the best way to get him into it is by making him mad. so go against his word or defy him

N = No (

he will say no to anything that would permantely scar you or hurt you. anything that damages the body itself is a big no

O = Oral 

he is such a receiver. this man has talents when it comes to his mouth he is super skilled, but he wont give oral all times, its reserved in special occasions. however he wants his dick worshipped

P = Pace

he is a rough yet slow pacer.. he likes to feel it all

Q = Quickie

he aint into it. he likes the full session where he can have his full atention on his partner

R = Risk 

he will take risks and he will experiment but only after doing his own research. it might be hard to get him out of his comfort zone

S = Stamina 

this guy is a machine but a controlled one. he lasts for about 30 minutes averagely but he prolongs the session longer when he is into denying

T = Toys 

he is jealous of it to be honest and he probably has beef with some of his partner's toys

U = Unfair 

he is UNFAIR and awful when he truly gets on the edge. its either too much either not enough and the way you cry is melody to his ears

V = Volume 

he aint that loud, but he does curse and grunt a lot during the deed

W = Wild card

there's two here. the first is that surprisingly he is someone self conscious and prefers to do it on the dark unless he is half dressed or if he really wants to see you wrecked. also.. voyeurism

X = X-ray 

big boy, but more thick than long. quite veiny

Y = Yearning 

moderate sex drive

Z = Zzz

after the deed he likes to go back to his own business as he is unportable with the lovey dovey post sex bliss

[whatyourusherthinks]

Super/Man: The Christopher Reeve Story

HELL YEAH MORE SUPERMAN. And this is a documentary about the guy who played Superman in the original movies? Awesome. I've never seen those movies, but I don't have to know they are infinitely better than those fucking Zack Snyder ones. Anyway, as soon as I heard about it I was incredibly excited. I wasn't sure if I was gonna review this movie, since I don't think people engage with documentaries the same way they engage with structured narratives, so I didn't know if my review style would work. But I want to tell people about this movie so I'll muddle through.

By the way Tumblr, and I'm speaking to the users and not the website this time, thank you SO MUCH for having EVERY SINGLE top post under the Superman tag be about FUCKING BATMAN. GOD FORBID I TRY TO ENJOY SOMETHING DC RELATED AND NOT GET REMINDED OF THE GOTH FURRY.

What's The Movie About.

Christopher Reeve and his role as Superman, his accident and subsequent adjustment to life, and the founding of the Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation.

What I Like.

The whole movie, pretty much. I like the way they present the information, I like the glimpse into Christopher Reeve's life. They were incredibly respectful of the man while still acknowledging his flaws. They showed a lot of footage of home videos his wife took and I liked seeing hi trying to spend time with his kids after his accident. I didn't know Christopher Reeve directed movies either, that's pretty cool. I actually didn't know a lot about him, so this movie was fascinating. Probably the coolest thing was learning that he was best friends with Robin Williams, although it seems obvious in hindsight. Like of course the man who's still who I want to be when I grow up is best friends with Superman! The biggest thing I like about this movie was the message of never giving up. Christopher (and his wife, who I learned died of cancer only two years after he died) was faced with an impossible situation, and he never gave up. There were moments of weakness, sure. But he persevered. He kept fighting. I'm absolutely not ashamed to admit this movie made me cry like four or five times, and all of them were in relation to Chris overcoming or succumbing to the more tragic parts of his life. (Or when Glenn Close said Robin would probably still be alive if Chris was like WOMAN YOU CAN'T DO ME LIKE THAT.) There's a really cool visual of a stature of Superman/Christopher floating through spaces that get's green crystals when they talk about Chris's injuries and the movie opens with an awesome shot of the statue right in front of nebula that looks like a cape. It's so cool that I completely disregard that the movie should have ended on that shot instead of opened on it. Either way, this movie is really quite excellent.

What I Didn't Like.

It's just a shame YOU CAN'T WATCH THIS ANYWHERE. WHY THE FUCK IS THIS A LIMITED RELEASE?! I get it's a documentary and maybe that doesn't have as much appeal as a regular comic book movie, but our theater is showing this movie for only TWO DAYS. I HAD TO PAY TO WATCH IT. Yes, I was happy to, it was a worthwhile experience. But why limit the opportunity for people to watch it? Seriously. This is baffling.

Final Summation.

This is a movie about Superman and hope of course I like this movie. I guess watch it on Max in like a month. I guess I was kind right about not being able to review documentaries as easily, but honestly the half-assed nature of this piece might be just because this movie is pretty damn good. I don't have much to say beyond that.

[ettawritesnstudies]

Thank You

If you’ll permit me a minute to be cliche: this photo would not have been possible without you. When I started university in August 2019, the sum of all my author-y potential measured up to:

No finished manuscripts

A pipe dream of ever publishing my work

A scatterbrained outline of The Laoche Chronicles

Forty-four phone notes full of half-witted ideas

A grand total of 3 followers on my brand-new tumblr account

At the time, I had no grand plans of marketing my work, though I knew it would be necessary if I ever wanted an audience. I chose a degree in chemical engineering because I knew my baby platform and half finished stories weren’t going to cut it as a career in their current state as an 18-year-old, and I needed to have a day job if I wanted to pursue my end dream of self publishing. I was just hoping to survive my first year of engineering school, pass my weed-out classes, and hopefully make some new friends. That fall semester passed with sporadic progress on my book, and halfhearted attempts at breaking into the writeblr community, until I decided to try my hand at Inktober and made my first few acquaintances: @siarven and @abalonetea, who have both featured on this blog since then. It was also at this point, sometime during a Calculus III lecture, that I invented my pen name:

All was going well, and I was pleased with my incremental progress until the world ended.

The less said about the pandemic, the better. Writeblr truly kept me sane through working full-time jobs and taking 18 credit hours during the semester. When I was truly close to dropping out of school, I kept going, knowing I had these online friends to cheer me up after brutal exams and long nights of studying. The tag games and community filled the dearth of interaction left by quarantine and an insane schedule. During my summer internship in 2020, I finally had the time to finish the first draft of Storge and the confidence in myself to start a website. Rereading my first post is a surreal experience, in part because I still see myself as a little kid as hiding under the blankets with a flashlight, notebook, and pen, thinking “I wanna write a book!”

I woke up the next day crying to the sheer volume of kind messages congratulating me on meeting this milestone. Instead of feeling burnt out after reaching such a lofty goal, this gave me all the more energy to keep working. Since then, I’ve been so blessed to grow this community and this website. It’s incredible to see how far I’ve come, now being able to claim:

A finished manuscript of Storge

A 3rd draft of Runaways after going through 2 rounds of Beta Readers

8 short stories and an audio drama

An active mailing list

Over 1000 followers on tumblr, but more importantly, a thriving community of writers who support each other’s releases through ARCs, leaving reviews, enthusiastic questions, and a welcoming space for new writers to share their craft.

140 posts on my website and regular readers who care about my ramblings ❤

Now I’m on my way to my new job – I’ll be doing research and development in my chosen field with a team I really like, and the freedom to listen to books while I’m in the lab. This next month will still be a hiatus for blog posts and new writing as I pack up my life for a cross-states move, but I’m beyond excited to enter change. My hope is that I can start saving for editing costs and devote more time to my craft thanks to a 9-5 schedule and NO!!! HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!! Really, I cannot say enough how thrilled I am to never have to take another exam ever again, thank GOD. With a bit of luck and no small amount of grace, I hope I can publish and share my stories with you sooner rather than later.

Thank you for all the support and camaraderie these past years. In a way, I owe this diploma to you as much as to my classmates and professors. The night before graduation, I said to my friends, “I’ve been waiting for tomorrow for eight years.” Now I’m living in the future, and I can’t wait to write the next chapter.

[coff-in]

I feel like whenever I’m having a bad day (or in this case, few months), I see other people have bad days too. It’s crazy how the world works and we all unite together to have either crappy or happy moments; it’s kind of wholesome that we all are brought together through our experiences and can share those vulnerabilities. It makes me feel a little better knowing I’m not isolated or alone, and that I’m not the only person with problems or struggling to get by.

I saw your last post, you said to ask about pressure, so I’m asking: How do you deal with pressure?

This is what I do when I feel stressed (maybe you’ll find some relief in this too): It’s a rule for me to always cry when something goes wrong, because crying released happy chemicals!

If I’m still bothered, I sleep for a few hours, take a Power Nap or just sleep and see if it still bothers me. If it still bothers me, I eat strawberry mochi. I also like coloring in those coloring books with flowers and a inspiring quote, it makes me feel better. When I’m sad, I always put on some Lo-fi or old love songs.

I always try reading Andrew Graves x reader content—or, at least what I haven’t seen. It’s a small fan base for separate Andrew Graves content. It’s how I discovered you a few months ago too! I enjoy looking for your work on my dashboard and I’m excited to see what you do next.

I hope thing’s get better for you, Coff-in! Never be ashamed or feel guilty about your own feelings or mental health. Don’t worry about time or rushing things, rushed work is never good work. Always remember to take breaks and worry about yourself; it’s your life after all. From one human being to another, take care of yourself. 💜⭐️

hi stellar :D when i asked ppl to send me questions about pressure, i meant the roblox game pressure ^^; this is ok tho!! no harm no fowl! (or is it foul? fowl is a bird, huh)

when i get stressed i usually get take a nap, maybe eat something, or watch youtube to distract myself. crying sounds really nice but i can't cry easily, sadly :( i also just try to draw! i like drawing and i find it easy to just pick up a pencil and doodle something :3 i also do it when i'm bored

its a tad bit hard for me to realize that "oh this blog is my blog, i can do with it what i want". or maybe i do realize that but still feel like i can't do certain things. hm. hm hm hm. so neat, such whimsy :3 i also relate to you seeking out andrew graves x reader content, but recently for me i've been searching out sebastian solace x reader fics. idk if people know this but im mostly a selfshipper, so seeing the whole zerum drama happen in that fandom is like... idk kinda silly to me. tldr: people were mad that the co-creator of the game (zerum) shipped her oc (zerum) with the shopkeeper sebastian. there's obviously more to it than that, but it reminded me when i was younger and i made a boyfriend oc for my persona (who i also sometimes wrote/referred to him as her brother... huh)

i'm going to be busy with work again, so hopefully i'll be able to write more since i usually start writing when i'm trying to avoid work or just to get away from it ^^; i hope that you're still doing well despite these hard months! i think it's a bit too easy for some to cur inward and isolate themselves from others. it was kinda nice being away from my coff-in blog. i do not say this as in 'i want to leave', but it was nice to just... idk feel like i didn't have to write? or take my time. i felt kinda bad tho, like there was a lingering thought in my head that i was deceiving you all. i was still able to write, so why wasn't i writing? stuff like that i guess

thank you for sending your ask, please take care of yourself!! <3

[slytherinshua]

ugh i love bts 😞 even if they’re in my subconscious most the time because we don’t see them much anymore… what are your thoughts on the solo releases? i feel like jungkook’s was such a hit because he hadn’t been enlisted yet, but i can’t even bring myself to listen to the other members’ new releases because it feels like hybe is putting them out just for the sake of having bts content. i think it’d be so much more impactful if they stopped and waited for a full group (or even subunit) comeback.

but at the end of the day bts got me into kpop (it’s crazy we’re in an era where 5th gen groups are introducing people to kpop) and i still feel a strong connection to them… i don’t know if i just haven’t found the right groups yet but imo it’s hard to come across groups that have such great dynamics/chemistry among members, esp in 5th gen (but ig it makes sense since they just debuted). bts were always just so effortlessly entertaining together. i still remember staying up for their comebacks or watching award shows (both korean and western) just for them it was such a fun experience… and also i discovered tumblr fanfics because of them lol so i am eternally grateful

bts :(( honestly i haven't kept up with them much... even with solos... i really separated from the fandom and group a lot after jack in the box came out (not because of jitb cause i loved that album but just around that time lol) but i listened to some of jk's solos and some of the older solos.... i like a lot of them i'd say. i didn't like seven, but 3d and standing next to you are so good. snooze had a chokehold over me and i really really enjoyed face, but as for the newer releases i just haven't listened. yeah honestly i mean whenever a group is gonna go for military it's gonna feel so empty when content is still being put out that is prerecorded. and with jin back ik armys would rather have a jin solo with him there to promote it rather than other members solos releasing while they're serving yk???

yeah same :(( bts first ever kpop group i found and they will always be one of the best. i will never not love their older discography and whenever i go back to listen to it or revisit something that i was obsessed with when i was an army it brings back so many memories and nostalgia that i just end up crying. they're so special to me always even tho i care a lot more about other groups currently. yeah esp in 5th gen it's impossible to get that connection that bts have after being together for like 15 years. a lot of them have only been working together for a year or trained for 3 years together. they're still new as groups so it can be hard.

but i would say some of my favourite 5th gen groups where you can feel a definite connection would be &team and boynextdoor <3 (esp &team since they have a slightly longer history together) and for groups in earlier gens that are really connected to each other, ik i promote them a lot but they deserve it okay, onf have been around since 2017 (and around half the members trained for 5+ years together so they have well over 10 years together), and they've already finished military together. they have no controversies even in their 7 years together and they're now in an era where they're just enjoying post enlistment and coming back regularly, having schedules and constantly putting out fun content and good music. their chemistry and connection is insane. (they also have that member connection of 'we've all been through tough times together and it shows' since they didn't taste any success for around 4-5 years. it just really shows in their interactions how much they've been through together and how hard working they are as a team <3)

and ik in a couple more years when 6th gen is introduced or even when 5th gen is nearing its end, these earlier 5th gen groups will feel a lot closer. it's exciting to think about how kpop is going to change, but also bittersweet because a lot of these groups will not last. seeing the end to so many 3rd gen groups already is very sad for me, and especially since a lot of them were my ults or at least groups i stanned and loved a lot. kpop really holds all the memories of my youth, and bts especially holds the very earliest of those 🥹

[astrangetorpedo]

INTERVIEW: Sarah Goldstone On Touring With Boygenius, Books, and Boston Octobers

by Maya Santow

[…] Since her graduation from Boston University in 2009, Goldstone really has gone everywhere. Her talents on the keyboard, violin, and vocals have taken her across the globe in the past two years, touring internationally with indie artist Lucy Dacus, and now Boygenius—the indie rock supergroup composed of Dacus, Julien Baker, and Phoebe Bridgers.

Sitting in an East Boston café on June 18, just hours before performing with Boygenius at the Stage at Suffolk Downs, Goldstone describes how it felt finding out that she would be joining Boygenius on their tour while she was in Dacus’ band.

“Oh, I was really pumped,” she says. “Lucy had said that she wanted to have me there. Her manager called me and we chatted about it. It was exciting. I just love them as a group and separately.

“Boygenius: The Tour” began its United States run in early June and will be extending overseas to Europe in mid-August. Several of the tour dates, including the Boston show, are a part of the Re:SET Concert Series, featuring supporting acts like Bartees Strange, Dijon, and Clairo, with Boygenius as a headliner.

Although the tour didn’t begin until the summer of 2023, Boygenius’ first full-length studio album, titled “The Record,” was in the works much earlier. Goldstone recalls being told about the album at least a year before its March 2023 release—a powerful secret to have been keeping, given the album’s critical acclaim. “There was definitely a, you know, ‘Don’t put this on the internet’ kind of thing,” she says.

Goldstone’s first time hearing “The Record” took place at a listening party with Dacus’ touring crew in a Northern California AirBnB. With the knowledge that she would be touring with Boygenius, Goldstone approached her first listen to “The Record” from a largely practical angle.

“When you take a record that was recorded with all these different instruments, and you’re trying to squash it down to, ‘Okay, what’s a setup where I can do all of that?,’ there’s a lot of different ways you can do it,” she says. “So when I was listening through, that’s where my brain was going.”

Goldstone’s primary focus while listening was the keyboard. There is more to the instrument than meets the typical listener’s ear, she explains. “I feel like a lot of times people don’t know what keyboard’s role does because people know what piano sounds like, but maybe not the other stuff,” she says. “But there’s a lot of synth parts, there’s organ, there’s something called a Mellotron…all those weird sounds where people that come to hear it are like, ‘I don’t know what that is.’”

“My first reaction was really technical, but then I started listening for real and, you know, some of the songs make me cry as soon as I hear them,” says Goldstone of the 12 tracks that make up “The Record.” “Some of them are so funny, and, like, mean, and you know, that’s fun, too. But it took a minute for me to experience it that way,” she says.

As Goldstone began touring with Boygenius, a few tracks emerged as her favorites to perform live. “I love ‘Not Strong Enough.’ I mean, that’s like, ‘the one,’ right?” she says. “I love ‘Letter To An Old Poet’— not just because it’s the piano song! Actually, ‘Cool About It’ is one of my favorite songs, too. Plus the rockers, like ‘Satanist,’ and stuff like that, it’s just, like, so fun. But every song is good, yeah—no duds,” she laughs.

Goldstone also cites a fan project for Boygenius’ “True Blue”—a track heavily influenced by Dacus’ solo music style—as a favorite memory from the tour so far. “I think they all put blue post-it notes over their phone lights…as soon as they started playing it, blue lights came up,” she says. As it turned out, a similar fan project took place at the Boston show later that night: during the chorus of ‘True Blue,’ the audience raised heart-shaped cutouts of blue paper over their phone flashlights to create a sea of blue for the band to see. “It sounds funny to say, but it made all of us kind of emotional, actually,” she says of the earlier project.

Goldstone notes the synergetic power of Boygenius fans—the fan bases of the three indie rock forces coming together creates something greater than the sum of their parts, she says.

“People are there for the unit,” says Goldstone. “Probably everybody has one of them that they gravitate toward more just in their own personal listening, or someone’s music they’re familiar with more than the others, but you can’t tell that from the show, which I think is really cool. It doesn’t feel like you’re seeing individual fans of the three of them.”

Goldstone cites Boygenius’ closeness to one another as a major draw for their fans, aside from their music. “I feel like people are fans of their friendship,” she says. “Like, we all want that. We all want best friends that we like to make art with.”

Having been on tour together for a few weeks, says Goldstone, the band’s dynamic has begun to shine through even more onstage. “Now that everyone’s comfortable, they’re starting to horse around a little bit, and they’re jumping around,” she says of Dacus, Baker, and Bridgers. “You know, it’s just three friends that love each other so much, and they’re all very funny people. So it’s fun when they’re in the mood to do, like, comedy time during shows, you know?”

Closeness as a band—“tour camaraderie”—is a familiar feeling to Goldstone, who says that Dacus’ band grew very close during their 251 days of touring in 2021 and 2022. “Everyone’s on one bus, and everyone hangs out together on off days, and it does feel like a family road trip sometimes,” she says.

The Boygenius tour took a bit longer to achieve the same effect, says Goldstone. “It is a much bigger group. And everyone just works so hard, so there’s a little bit more distance with just getting to know everybody. I feel like now, a couple of weeks in, I’m starting to be friends with people on our own crew that maybe I didn’t get to hang with before, and that’s great,” she says.

One way in which the group has grown closer, says Goldstone, is through books. Perhaps unsurprisingly, given her philosophy major during her BU days, Goldstone says she always finds time to read while on tour, and exchanges titles with the other band members as well. “We’re all trading books,” says Goldstone.

On Dacus’ tour last year, says Goldstone, the band passed around Joan Didion’s “Play It as It Lays.” In a similar way to which fans of Boygenius bond over the often melancholy tones of their music, the band bonded over the “real bummer of a book,” says Goldstone. “We passed it around, and everyone was like, ‘Ugh, your turn.’ Like, this is brutal,” she laughs.

“So, yeah, there’s some exchange,” says Goldstone. “Lucy and I will exchange books a lot. Like, I’m really into a writer named Shirley Jackson, and Lucy read some last year.” Goldstone’s most recent tour read, Min Jin Lee’s “Pachinko,” she describes as an “instant classic,” and she plans to lend it to Julien Baker to read next.

(x)

[trash-bats]

I had a really bad experience at the hospital last week that re-opened some deep emotional wounds.

I spent the following days binging Steven Universe from the beginning. I had legitimately not watched the show since Future ended in 2020, despite it being my favorite show for years. Maybe it was because I was so caught up in trying to watch new-to-me shows so that I could attempt to keep up with the cultural zeitgeist. Maybe all the years of online discourse over the show finally convinced me it wasn't as good as I had remembered it being. Maybe I was just upset that it was over (isn't it, isn't it). But in that moment where I needed something to ground me and distract me from the pain I was in, I knew that it would bring the comfort I sought.

At the time of writing, I just watched the movie a couple hours ago and will be watching Future in the coming days. I barely remember what happened in Future & I'm looking forward to revisiting it with the all that came before it fresh in my mind. I'm planning to also finally tackle my copy of Save the Light that I bought for my Switch 5 years ago and just never bothered playing. And I'm working on completely revamping my original gemsona from 9 years ago (Charoite - can you believe a gem containing my name ended up being a lovely mix of purples and blacks?!) and cooking up a whole backstory for how they would fit into the show's lore & how to reflect all the changes to who I am all these years later in the design.

Steven Universe was probably the most important television show to ever enter my life. I'd followed it since the day Cartoon Network released the pilot episode online in 2013. I agonized through every lengthy hiatus & excitedly ran to Tumblr when a new episode had dropped. I used to spend so much time looking for all the beautiful fan art made for it, and it had a huge influence on my own art style -- some parts of which can still be seen in how I draw now. The first conversation I ever had with my wife was her asking me about my favorite SU characters, and now 8 years later we're revisiting the show together. Stevonnie was one of my first real encounters with a non-binary character & certainly played a part in coming to term with my own non-binary identity less than a year after "Alone Together" premiered (re-watching that episode last week made me cry). I'm...quite bad with finding words sometimes, but I'm just glad that I was able to reconnect with this part of myself that I had unknowingly stifled for the past few years. Rekindling the fire of something I have such a passion for, getting excited over all the new things I'm inspired to create because of it, and getting to share it with many of the friends I've made in recent years...it's nice.

[gayeddie-saved-me]

Any 911 s7 ideas -things you think might or you would like to have happen- ?

honestly… i’m awful at guessing these sort of things. it’s been like forever since i’ve been watching a show as it’s being released (i lived in a house with someone that was very controlling about what we watched so i missed a solid 5 years or so of tv shows being released) so this is an interesting experience

honestly i get nervous about making predictions because i worry about getting my hopes up. i’m really really hoping that no matter what happens, abc does a good job handling the characters and storylines because sometimes when shows move from one broadcast channel to another it can get dicey.

i’m curious to see where they go with hen and karen and the new baby, and what hen is doing when it comes to medical school. also in general i just want more karen. always. she means so much to me you don’t understand.

i’m curious to see how abc handles the cruise ship situation, and whether it’s going to be a trauma that is thoroughly discussed or if it’s gonna be another tsunami scenario. and i want a good dramatic reunion scene between bobby and athena. i want to cry so much abc please make me cry but don’t kill them

some flashbacks to the tsunami episodes specifically for buck and eddie and christ would be great also but i don’t expect much

I WANT MORE CHRIS!!! i want to see pre-teen/early teen chris. i love him so much and i think it will be really interesting to see where they take his character now that he’s reaching an age where kids start to fully explore who they are. you reach a different level of consciousness and the early roots of your childhood form into deeper roots and personality traits and also just. teenage angst. anyway. chris diaz superiority forever and always

speaking of superior characters please please please please more ravi character development more ravi scenes im begging im on my knees he has become so important to me and i wanna see him and get to know his history more because the little bits we’ve gotten are not enough MORE. RAVI. PLEASE.

i know a lot of people are hoping for canon buddie and obviously i would LOVE to see that!! but i am also nervous that if we do start to get canon buddie, they won’t do them justice. i do however want more buddie content regardless of whether they acknowledge the romantic implications of their relationship. but also….

pls just kiss each other for gods sake. PLEASE.

also what are they gonna do with natalia and marisol because [redacted]

even if they don’t make buddie canon, i would really like to see gay!eddie become official. because that man is so queer coded, buddie or otherwise. good lord.

(also bi!buck but we know how television is with bisexual representation 😬)

and can i just say:

what the fuck is going on with the basketball shit

i have zero idea what is happening there

also i want to see madney wedding stuff obviously, specifically would love to see buck helping with decorations and planning and being a little asshole.

and more jee cuz i love her so much. i work with toddlers so i get really really excited when we get scenes of her. i really hope we get more uncle buck content but we’ve only got 10 episodes to work with so i don’t have high hopes.

this is such a long answer sorry 😅

[kafus]

all this music talk has me wanting to talk about my feelings on the song 春を発つ/moving past spring for some reason (you can find a translation by my good friend Vayn here!)

this song was written and produced by kanzaki iori, kaf's songwriter and essentially musical partner/mentor... it's a song written FOR kaf about her graduating, since at the time of its release kaf was just graduating high school in her real life. it uses kafu as the vocalist and kanzaki tuned her to be as close to kaf's voice as possible, and it really shows. it is both a loving message to his coworker about coming of age and a celebration of kaf as a concept and all of the art associated with her up to that point. it's really beautiful and made me cry buckets the first time i listened to it!!

i'm going to go on some tangents about this below the cut

i think this song hits especially hard because a running theme of all of kaf's music is struggling with becoming an adult, and the sort of emotions a teenager experiences while having to mature and adjust to society in general. that's a subject that's really important to me for a variety of trauma reasons, and what makes kaf's music about it special is how sentimental and human it is. most songs i find about the same subject are very angry and bitter feeling (or just too focused on high school romance for my liking) but kaf's music accurately represents that topic, for me. point is kaf's music has always been outspoken about, and dripping with emotion about, the struggle of becoming an adult... so now that she was literally becoming one, it made sense to make a song about that transition and also have it be extremely sentimental. it's saying farewell to the real anonymous va's childhood and looking towards the future, and also marks a shift in kaf as a piece of art, or a concept. the MV is even a compilation of all of kaf's old mvs like a photobook...

i'm not sure how to word this but kanzaki and kaf's coworker relationship with each other is really interesting to me and you can feel it in all of the music they work on together. kaf has talked in interviews about how she really struggles to express her emotions, and how kanzaki's lyrics put words to her emotions, and then she can fully express them when she's singing. kanzaki, despite being very much an adult, writes about the pain of being a teenager in such a vulnerable and raw way that you'd think he was still a teenager himself. the two of them have this musical relationship where kaf is able to express kanzaki's words in a special way that he cannot and kanzaki is able to give words for kaf that she cannot make herself. i guess at the risk of sounding parasocial or something i find it really artistically powerful that kanzaki himself, who has been writing all this teenage suffering for kaf, and who has also seen her grow up through that angst, would write such an optimistic, hopeful, and encouraging song for her, despite the content of their other music. like i'm not her but imagining being on the receiving end makes me really emotional. it's also a vessel for fans, i think, who would want to express that sort of sentiment to her as well - kaf graduating was kind of a massive emotional deal for everyone in ways that are hard to describe to non-fans and that definitely influenced me crying the first time around

and i'm not sure how to word this part at ALL but there's something special about kanzaki changing how he usually tunes kafu to purposefully make her sound like kaf as much as he could. it's artistically powerful to me but it's hard to put a finger on why. i'll have to think on that.

anyways all this overly detailed rambling on kanzaki and kaf aside, it's just an emotional song on account of how it sounds and the music video. it's covered in 10 layers of nostalgia and optimism and care and i'm very very very excited for kaf's official cover of it that's coming out on her next album... which comes out in a few weeks... AHHH