#it's cause the new tumblr post system annoyed me to much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

captainaikus · 2 years

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First of all I wanna say that I’m sorry for disappearing like that. Especially at the worst time too. I really did not expect so much to happen while I was gone. But that’s not an excuse though I promise. But yeah. Tumblr. Is very much being super annoying rn. I can understand the frustration because all the effort and time you put into something just for it to not work or backfire or fall short sucks. A lot. It hurts too. And it’s just overall exhausting, emotionally and in general. I didn’t even know tumblr could shadow ban you like what the heck. But honestly this might be a little bit of a good thing. Ao3 is super chill and has a bunch more options for writers in all aspects as compared to tumblr. Tumblr is becoming much like the new systems everywhere where the most liked content or the most popular content is uploaded first and what not. It’s really exhausting sorting all that out , I know, I’ve tried. But whatever you decide to do know that you have my full and complete support Belle!!! I honestly don’t where or when or how often you post fics I’ll be reading them as soon as I find them all the same. And even if you decided to take a break or go in a hiatus or just not write for a while I’d still be here you know? This is just me reminding you that you’re human too and yes I came for the fics but I’m staying for Belle. Let me know when you start posting/make your ao3 account so I can find it love. Take breaks!!! Drink water!!!! Eat somethings!!!! Rest love!!! I’m not the only anon that wants you to be happy and healthy and well-rested you know? How are you? Like how’re your days going? Is uni going well? How’s the gym? Reply when you can but only when you want to and feel like though okay? Take your time okay sweetheart? I’m not going anywhere anytime soon love ❤️❤️❤️.

- ✨ anon

Please don’t apologize cause you have nothing to be sorry for love, and it really isn’t that big of a deal tbh starry!♡ You had exams and those priorities come first.

It does make me sad that everything i worked for isn’t going so well, but at the same time I wanna look at it the positive way. Maybe it was a way of saying ‘Belle take a break.’ Or a way of saying that ‘You need to get off tumblr cause your content isn’t meant to be here.’ It does hurt when my work is not recognized cause all this is my own content. No one inspires me to write these. Just my ass pushing myself and my followers telling me that they like my work is what drives me to make these, and maybe cause I read them sometimes to comfort myself.

Me ranting under the cut and I'm gonna really different that what I normally do cause this is my uncut and unhinged opinion - which can probably make you dislike me as well

Honestly, this place isn’t cutting it for me anymore. Followers come easy but the number of likes I get speaks a lot about their support (most of them. Not all), you’re not gonna believe it, but when I wrote false south, I was sad to see the number of likes go up. Like sure, I wrote it for the sake of angst, but people just really like writings with a lot of sex here- not shaming anyone but it can’t be all about sex right? Not all works are smut, but like 98% of the top posts are. And my writing isn’t just about smut… it’s to do with capturing everything human. and being completely blunt about the system, i write smut to see how many likes it makes compared to my other works. It's a selling point to make more followers and likes than genuinely enjoying the experience of it. And I get bored of it very easily after some time which is why i write longer fics so that it can be the best of both. But now I have a pref for heavy plot, cause that's where most of my real writing lies. Erotica constantly gets boring and i don't want to write it all the time. (and sometimes you have to force yourself to do it just so you can keep up with other authors as well cause this is like a pressure field of writing tbh) And cause of that my content is not meant for this space. And it was getting on my nerves to see that “writings” with "Twitter links". Like literally twitter links. Something that you’ve not even created on your own, gets more likes than an author who has put in effort into their writing and it really shows. It's one of the reasons I stopped reading fanfiction here. And another thing that bothers me are some of the other authors and readers who want to white-knight characters and impose drama and discourse along with hate. I'm much better off without that and I know the worth of my writing in comparison to that. Not to mention, some of the characters are so... misinterpreted. Like first, we're writing for anime characters, second... most of them are japanese. And if you study about japanese culture or did more research, they're not very open to the idea of PDA. In europe and america, things are different with pda and people are more open. But in Japan? things are very different cause they don't show much pda. but then again. its fanfiction and anyone can write what they want cause its not published work and its a form of therapy to some while for someone else it offers a lot of comfort as well as expressing fantasies and wanting to do new things but not in reality.

Speaking for my work - My plots are heavy, thought through and that’s where the quality of writing kicks in. Works with quality on the other hand are difficult to find here. So yeah, I'm moving to ao3. I'd rather my content be seen and discovered late than being hidden. And besides, I'm not the only author to get shadow banned. There are many others who have gone through the same thing and they've taken to ao3. And I'm really happy that you're staying for me, Starry and thank you for the support you're giving me. I honestly didn't think that people would wanna come back and talk to me on my blog (which is something i'm fine with as well) but I'm very surprised that some of you do want to interact 0)^^(0 And I'm really thankful for that. So thank you starry and everyone ♡ it means a lot to me.

i'm thinking abt a username to use so that I can start posting my works on ao3... i already have my account but I was thinking about starting a new one so that I can start over. and the first thing to be uploaded is ocean hues. I'm doing great! Just tired and feeling blue a bit this week about my account being shadow banned but at the same time kinda relieved cause I'm moving out- sorta. Gym's going well too! I got shoulder cuts (i'm really happy with the progress). You're really sweet yk that? ♡ *pulls cheek adoringly*

#belle.☏#.moot🍦: ✨ anon

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lindwurmkai · 10 months

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who's up for another round of tumblr user lindwurmkai criticising what other people are complaining about? 👉😏👉

no but for real tho. there is a whole, idk, phenomenon i often encounter on here where being rightfully exasperated with certain "popular" behaviours (example: wanting a "canon" answer for every question you have about a piece of media) turns into condescending mockery of anyone who ever behaves that way and treating it like it's completely bizarre when in fact it can simply be an expression of autism.

which makes it all the more puzzling when i see a dozen fellow autistics reblog the post, too. (this was not directly inspired by whoever last put a similar post on my dash btw. i've been meaning to write this for days)

another example is "the curtains are just blue" but i've talked about that before. and struggling to understand that fiction follows different rules than real life!! plus several other aspects of "basic media literacy" that can actually be quite difficult to grasp for a lot of people.

"why does it even matter if something is canon or not? why do you need a wiki for everything? who cares what the character's 'real' favourite colour is?" maybe because to some people, learning fun facts about wizards or dragons isn't fundamentally different than learning fun facts about trains or dinosaurs. i'm not saying we don't understand that they're fictional, but that the desire to find out more is the same. and speaking from personal experience, it never even occurred to me that authors who didn't care about the details of their worlds and characters beyond what was in the story might exist until i literally learned about it on tumblr in my 20s. i understood that tolkien was a bit of an outlier but assumed it was just a matter of degree.

people always blame mega franchises and cinemasins or occasionally the american school system for some reason. or social media. and it's probably true that each of those things have contributed to an increase in certain behaviours that you may find annoying! it's definitely true that certain franchises have contributed to a shift in the average person's default assumptions regarding new media they come across. so i completely understand where the exasperation comes from, don't worry

but this is like the difference between criticising fandom trends and criticising individual fans' preferences all over again, except worse because this time it's ableist. you would not believe the things i didn't understand about fiction a decade ago, and a decade ago i was already 27. seeing people get condescended to for the same misunderstandings when some of them are even younger really sucks.

it is possible for the same behaviour to have more than one cause. maybe that one person really watched too much cinemasins while another doesn't even know what that is and yet analyses media the same way because it's how their brain approaches fiction intuitively. maybe one person didn't pay attention in english class while another tried so, so hard to understand the material and still couldn't. maybe one person thinks there's a canon answer to everything because that's what their two previous favourite franchises were like while another is simply applying the "gathering dinosaur facts" approach to fiction and has yet to realise not every author operates like tolkien.

for a long time i couldn't distinguish between plot-relevant details and extra fluff because to me the point of a story was to introduce me to a new world with fun new characters in it. of course 3 pages of infodumping wasn't a problem! of course the character's hair colour was important! the idea of authors answering questions with "it doesn't matter, feel free to imagine whatever you want" would have confused me so much if i had encountered it back then. i already knew how to invent my own stories, but i wanted to know more about this story???

just because i've (mostly) figured it all out now doesn't mean i don't remember being that person everyone loves to mock these days.

#also my ability to identify metaphors varies wildly based on various factors #which is funny because i can hardly form a coherent sentence without accidentally using two metaphors #throws this rambling post at you and runs away #weirdo chronicles

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reticent-fate · 2 years

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✅ What does the fandom usually get right?

[Ask game]

Heit answering this one, since I’m in front lmao. So, the fun part about being an introject from [redacted] is that... basically no one makes any content for that source, let alone for the character I’m an introject of lmao. So technically there’s not much there for me to say the fandom did or didn’t get wrong.

Doesn’t mean we haven’t had a weird event happen related to headcanons existing in the fandom space, though.

(This got long so I’ll put it under a cut. Brief mention of source death and loose discussion of shipping, but nothing outright negative or explicit.)

Specifically, we had a really funny thing happen a few months ago when we decided to look through what the tumblr side of things has to say about my source. Surprisingly, there are like two people that ship my source with another character. This is not normally a difficult thing for our system in this fandom considering how dead this fandom is most days of the year. So we took like two seconds to glance over what was in the tags and saw shipping of all the damn things njksdnfjksd---

It was content though and we are absolutely the “person shaped thing feeding strange quadruped” meme when it comes to content, so we at least rolled that rock over to see what interesting bugs were hiding under it.

My cohost jokingly said “and watch, we’re going to introject him,” while everyone else in front at the time just kept repeating nonstop “[name], where is that bastard?” (/ref to a game quote).

Fucking.

Two days-ish later.

You know how it is. The beleaguered (/s) pk;m new. The new guy almost exclusively seems to take amusement and joy in holding that shipping headcanon like a dodgeball and throwing it full force into my face. (I kid, actually, he’s not that interested in annoying the hell out of me, but he did essentially show up like a container for that idea and nothing more.)

I live in hell because of the fandom /j

So it’s a little more complicated than something the fandom gets right, but it certainly influenced the shape of our system. It fits right with how I experience my source too, so even if I meme on it I can’t really complain lmao.

Since that incident though, we’ve taken to glancing over what people say about both my source and that other character, and apparently it is way more popular than I thought it would be in certain parts of the fandom to go “and these two totally have some weird chemistry going on.” That makes sense based on what the writing in the game says, though--- my source was up to some stupid villain shit, and [character b] is loyal to the point where the fandom can’t figure out if he’s dead or not after the chaos of everything that happened. That’s not hard to read into, especially when in the English translation, the way [character b] speaks about my source is in such a reverential way. He literally attacks anyone who shows a pint of betrayal towards the cause. That’s shipping bait right there, from what I know about fandom.

Because the fandom is so small though, we also look at the search results for other language groups of it, so actually seeing what people hypothesize about the sparse (and often poorly written) details that the game gives us is just fascinating in and of itself.

The ship, for example, is a lot more popular in English-speaking spheres of the fandom (which is a really large net that I can cast considering one of the Discord servers I’m in for this game has like thousands of folks in it, so I would be a poor observant not to mention that).

I haven’t come across as many people saying that there’s merit to this ship in Korean and Japanese spheres of the fandom (at least on Twitter; my searching is limited by what sites people post on and what sites are public). To my recollection I can think of one person in the Korean-speaking fandom sphere (on Twitter, again) that has at least hinted at the consideration that there is something weird going on in the source’s writing. The Japanese-speaking fandom sphere, meanwhile... Idk I don’t ever find much from that end of things lmao. They’re chilling, ig.

All that said, does this count as the fandom “getting something right?” I’m inclined to say this is one of those “yes and no” kinds of things, because while I’m not going to go into what our brain registers as my exomemories, I will say that there’s the interesting experience of knowing that external headcanons have affected the layout of my system because of my relationship to my source. Nothing distressing, I do want to stress, but really fucking hilarious in one hand imo.

However, it’s kind of led me to explore my exomemories a lot more. I think it’s a common enough fictive experience to write those down, to externalize these things in hopes they stop pestering you quite so badly. A lot of our system’s writing is about this series, and I exist both as my source and as a representative of what my source means to my system: a container, of sorts, of parts of our special interests, while also having a difficult-to-define relationship to that source.

I love this stupid fucking game so much /g

-Heit

#ask game #heit #musings #kinstuff #technically because this is that fun gray area lmao #-heit

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raposarealm · 2 years

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Hmm, a random question to ask... What are some game series you like besides Mega Man games? Those are awesome, of course, but I don't remember if I ever asked you about other games.

(Oh, small edit: I’m serious on the “feel free to send in asks and bug me” bit, I’m not in school this semester and I’m. Very lonely.)

Well, Magia Record, but you knew that already.

I'm fond of the Project Diva games! I like rhythm games, even if I'm not practiced yet, and I'm a long-standing Vocaloid fan. I recently managed to get ahold of the Mega39's/MegaMix (no relation, sadly,) and it's been neat as well! Though I'm not forgiving them for replacing Sennen no Dousokuka with Snowman, god damnit.

Before I went AWOL from tumblr there for a while (late 2017 to early 2020, yeesh,) I posted a lot about The Stanley Parable as well, even though I couldn't play it since I didn't have a way to purchase it. Well, with the Ultra Deluxe release, I've been able to actually play it now! Except my mental state's been so unstable as of late that I've had to kinda shy away from it for a little bit. Actually, I've kinda had to shy away from a lot of games in general, partly due to just lack of energy from depression kicking my petunia, and partly because I can't get to some of the systems to set them up, because said lack of energy has caused me to not be able to clear up my room enough to do anything, much less play games. It's really annoying and I wish it'd stop.

Speaking of games I can't get to the system to play, I've had a copy of Mirror's Edge for a long time now, and I'm very fond of it, but... I've never actually gotten past the Edge and Flight part, the first real mission in the game... Well, I might have once, but it's. I'm not good at it. Also somehow I ended up with a Japanese copy, despite the game having been developed in the West? I don't know how that happened, but ah well. We have an Xbox One somewhere that got packed up in the move, and we've never been able to set it up. If I could actually find it at some point, I'd like to play the sequel Catalyst at some point. Also the series has a really, really damn good soundtrack, I beg of y'all please go listen to it.

And I think I've mentioned it somewhere before on this blog, maybe? But for a very long time, my favorite games were the Drawn to Life series, actually. In fact, my penname that I've used since the very beginning was named for the fox-like "Raposa" species in the game's world. Surprise, I don't speak Portuguese, just a little bit of Spanish. And what demoted the series from my favorite, you ask? Summer 2017 when my friend gave me a copy... of Starforce 1. Aye.

Oh, and until I lost them in the move, I was very fond of some of the Professor Layton games, but I never knew which games were in which order, so I kept getting confused, and I was too afraid of spoilers to look up the release order, because a) it's mostly a mystery series, and b) I've made the mistake before of looking up something like release dates or whatever on wikis and/or just Wikipedia and finding out a really major spoiler. Exhibit A: the Wikipedia article on Exe and me back in 2017 having only read the manga. God damnit.

There's probably lots more series I'd like if I could get into them, but I tend to shy away from new series and/or franchises unless someone drags me into them. Most of the games I've played have been one-off self-contained games that I saw mentioned somewhere and went "oh, that looks neat," or I ended up with a copy of one of the entries when I was really young and didn't fully grasp the idea of game series and playing in order (for instance, I got into Drawn to Life because my mother gave me a copy of The Next Chapter, the second game of the two, for Christmas back in 2009, since she saw the "drawn" in the title and went, "Oh, Rapo likes to draw!"; and back around the same time, I somehow ended up with a copy of the third Professor Layton game, "Unwound Future", and again, didn't know it was a later entry until Flora showed up and I had a "who dis" moment. Fun times.) The only exceptions really being Magireco, which I wanted to play from its launch, but didn't know it was technically free-to-play until the anime aired, and I finally checked it out; and of course, Rockman, which was the fault of my friend convincing me to watch the Starforce anime (and also lent me his copies of the Exe manga,) and it was all downhill from there. I regularly give him hell over this, by the way.

#OK THIS WAS LONG SORRY #i know i'm associated with magireco by a number of folks but i don't know how much i'm associated with rockman #i mean. i think given how little activity there is in the starforce tag my posts actually take up a fair bit of the more recent entries #which means i gotta up my numbers ya know?#crystalmemoria #rapo answers #i don't really know that i should tag this with any of the series uh #correct me if i'm wrong #now back to the hellish museum fight 45 and that damned leila #STOP DRAINING MY MP WOMAN-#OH I NEVER MENTIONED KINGDOM OF LOATHING #but i mean i haven't logged in since 2020's Crimbo and. uh.#i should do that.#anyways if any of y'all play that. i go by koigunka in game come say hi i might see it

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lalal-99 · 2 years

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Could you do 55, 72 and 172 with Hyunjin from Stray Kids and a she-her reader? Thanks a lot for doing this for us 🥺❤️✨

55. "Are those my panties?" 72. "Is there a reason you're in my bed?" 172. "You can sit on my lap until I'm done working?"

Hyunjin x afab!reader | Co-workers to Lovers trope | smut | 3.4k words

Synopsis: Due to a mistake with the booking for your busienss trip, you have to share a bed with your self-loving, annoying co-worker.

Note: This was so much fun writing. I had a different idea in the beginning about this, and I already wrote 2k words for it, so maybe I'll finish that one after the prompt event is over.

Tumblr works on a reblog system. Please consider reblogging this post so that it can reach more people. Thank you :)

______________

One-Bed Situations

"You have 0 new messages."

As you scrolled through your Instagram news feed, searching for something to occupy yourself with while waiting for that promised drink at the bar, you put your head against the headboard of your bed. The pillow felt cold against your hair which was still a little damp from your shower, so you quickly turned onto your side. This simple movement took you longer than expected, which you could probably blame the tight dress cladding your body for. As much as you loved how the black fabric looked against your skin, it wasn't the most comfortable piece of clothing you owned.

"Y/N?" The voice coming from the bathroom just a few metres down made you roll your eyes as you turned yet again to look at the man in the doorway. To your surprise, he was clad in only a towel, perfectly hugging his narrow hips and caramel skin. You realised your staring soon enough, so you forced yourself to look up and into his face.

"What?" you questioned in annoyment as if you hadn't checked him out a second earlier.

"Is there a reason you are in my bed?"

"You mean my bed?" you corrected him, letting your phone fall onto the bedside table. "I'm waiting for you to finally finish your shower so that we can head downstairs."

"I'm sorry that it took me so long, but I don't usually get off four-hour flights looking this handsome," Hyunjin pointed out with a fake smile as he crossed his arms in front of his toned chest. "Also, it's my bed."

"You didn't honestly think I'd be sleeping on the couch, did you?"

From the second the bell boy had showed you to your room, revealing the mistake that had been made by whoever had booked your trip, you had made up your mind about how you would handle the situation. There was merely one way you could handle being given a room with one bed rather than two, seeing as you had already had your fair share of back problems. The couch, for the sake of not worsening your posture, was off-limits for you.

"So you just assumed I'd be sleeping on the couch then?" Hyunjin questioned as he leaned up against the wall. Way too quick for your liking you noticed his towel shifting, revealing a little more of his prominent V-line.

"Could you please put on pants before we have this conversation?"

As your hand came up to shield your eyes from the distraction that was your co-worker's pretty exterior, you heard a chuckle escape his plumb lips.

"Why? Don't think you can keep yours on?"

You didn't respond to that, simply cause you didn't know how to. It didn't happen too often that you found yourself speechless at Hyunjin's self-centred attitude. Usually, you knew just what to answer to his lack of humility, eventually bringing him down from his high horse but right now, you couldn't think of a reply. You would have never said it out loud, but the reason for that was the amount of skin he was showing. Though he didn't have to know that.

As Hyunjin rummaged through the content of his suitcase you tried focussing on anything but the white towel hanging around his waist. It was only when he pulled out a small item of clothing that you looked back up at him.

"Wow!" was all Hyunjin said as he held a pair of your undergarments up between his slim fingers. "I wouldn't have pegged you for someone wearing something so revealing on a business trip."

"Are those my panties?"

"Well, they aren't mine," Hyunjin answered with a laugh as he threw the piece of clothing at you. "Maybe next time, check twice which suitcase you put your dirty underwear in, okay?"

You tried to hide the redness on your cheeks to the best of your abilities, though the embarrassment you felt at that moment had to have some outlet. Without a single word spoken, you got up from the bed to throw them into the suitcase at the side of your bed - the right one, this time.

"Whatever. Just finish up so we can finally grab a drink. I don't want to work on the project until midnight."

With a smug smile still painted on his face, Hyunjin put on the remaining clothes he had prepared for tonight. And just like that, you didn't hate the idea of spending an hour at the bar before finishing up the work you still had to do.

_______________

"One Whiskey on the rocks, please. Thank you!"

"Make that two."

You tried to glide onto the barstool beside Hyunjin as swiftly as he had done seconds earlier, though yet again, your dress made your mission more difficult. It must have looked ridiculous to an outsider, the way you struggled to sit down - you could tell that it did from Hyunjin's facial expression. The smile that spread from his left to his right ear would have made you feel embarrassed, had you not had your share of embarrassment for today already. After that little faux-pas with your panties about ten minutes earlier, you were done for the day with awkwardness.

"Interesting choice of beverage." The missing taunt in his tone was surprising as you had expected your co-worker to make fun of you for the way you had sat down. Usually, he didn't think twice about teasing you about everything you did, but maybe he was a little tired from the flight. "I imagined you'd order the usual Appletini or Cosmo."

"Really? Do I seem that basic to you?" you questioned as you propped your elbows onto the shining countertop.

"Not after I found out about your choice of underwear for a business trip, you don't."

"Oh, shut up," you quickly brushed his comment off as you felt your cheek start to heat up again. You fanned cold air towards your face for a few seconds as it thankfully worked in stopping any remaining embarrassment from coming up. "I do enjoy the occasional Cosmo but I do not - in no way, shape, or form - want to be hungover tomorrow. So, Whiskey it is."

"Makes sense," Hyunjin agreed as he took a handful of peanuts out of the bowl next to him. "You know who doesn't care about hangovers on a business trip? Jenn."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember that trip I took with her a couple of months ago? The one you were too sick to take?" You nodded at his words as the memory of your sudden sickness came back to you. Jenn had merely been a substitute as you couldn't make it out of bed for more than to make it to your couch. "She got super drunk the day before the meeting and almost didn't make it through it without puking."

"No way!" you exclaimed as a smile spread on your face. Somehow, learning how one of your sworn enemies had made a complete fool out of herself was amusing to you. Apparently, it also was to Hyunjin.

"Yeah. It was super fun to watch." Learning that the man had his very own difficulties with Jenn somehow made him more interesting to you. As though you had finally found something you had in common. "Well, it was until she started to come on to me. That was just super uncomfortable."

"She did not!" As the barkeeper came back over, handing you your drinks, you threw him a small smile before looking back at Hyunjin.

"She so did, though," he assured you as he took a sip from his drink, letting the liquid roll over his tongue for a few seconds before swallowing. His adam's apple bobbed up and down once as you felt your eyes leave his face for a moment. "I swear, I'm not making this up. Her hand was on my thigh for so long."

"I think you're reading into it," you told Hyunjin as you drank a sip from your beverage the same way he had done seconds earlier. The brown liquid swirled over your tongue softly as you closed your eyes at the burning sensation. "She probably touched you for a second. Your ego just thinks she came on to you."

"Okay, first of all, you weren't there," Hyunjin tried to convince you as he set his glass back down. "And second, I know when women flirt with me. It wasn't imagination, and it definitely wasn't my ego."

You shook your head at Hyunjin's story as you couldn't believe it.

"Even if she did come on to you-"

"She did."

"Even if she did, there's no way you didn't like it. If she did flirt with you and put her hand on your thigh and stuff, you for sure loved the attention."

Hyunjin's eyes didn't leave your face as you took another sip of your drink. It was the smug smile playing on his lips that made you set your glass back down.

"You're just jealous."

You almost choked on your tongue as those words left his mouth.

"What?" you coughed as the hot liquid went down your throat faster than usual. "Am not."

"You so are," Hyunjin determined as his hand ran through his locks. That you loved the way his blonde hair framed his face, you didn't even think about saying. "And I can assure you that you don't have to worry about Jenn. I don't like her like that."

"You mean you don't like that she's totally into you and worships the ground you walk on? Sure!"

"Believe it or don't, but I don't like it when women throw themselves at me. I know I'm pretty. No need to show me all the time."

And just like that, the narcissism took over his being again. Honestly, you were mesmerised at how he could be normal one second, and in love with himself the next one.

"I like to have a little challenge. And sometimes, that involves months-long bantering and teasing as I set everything in motion."

The way Hyunjin looked at you while saying something like this made you giddy. For a second, you were sure he was talking about you. But then again, there was no way that your whole relationship - which was all over the place, to begin with - was based on him trying to get into your pants. Even if, right now, the thought of that didn't sound too repelling.

"And it works, too. Every single time." With those words, you felt Hyunjin's hand brushing up against your barely clad leg, causing goosebumps to rise all over your body.

_______________

How do things happen? How does anything happen? How do situations turn so rapidly, that you can't fully comprehend what's happening? And does it even matter how things happen if everyone involved loves the outcome?

You, for one, didn't care how this had happened. Even if it didn't make any sense, right now, you didn't even think about finding a reason. Because all you could think of were Hyunjin's pink lips on every part of your body.

How you had gotten from the bar to your room, you didn't care to figure out. Because, as you hurriedly opened the door to your shared room with Hyunjin all over you, it became clear that somehow, you had found your way to the only room you knew for sure had a bed in it. And that could be of great use right now.

"Your hair - it looks - good. I just - I just thought you should - know."

The broken words escaping your lips were cut off whenever Hyunjin's hands changed the way he held you, the way he moved you. With every step you took, him guiding you through the darkness of the moment, you got closer to the bed until you felt your knees hit the mattress. The second they started buckling, Hyunjin's hands were at your back, stopping you from hitting the surface too hard.

That Hyunjin didn't react to your unexpected compliment remained unnoticed as his lips travelled down to your chest. As he laid on top of you, your legs hugged around him, your heels pressing into his back.

Soon enough, Hyunjin's hands found the bottom of your dress as he slowly started dragging it up your legs. The moment his fingers touched the hem of your panties, you felt him smile against your burning skin.

"Just like I thought. I bet you don't even own a pair of underwear that has enough fabric to cover everything."

"I don't, actually," you agreed as you looked him into the eyes while he was slowly dragging them down your legs. "But who needs those when you barely wear underwear at all?"

The daring look that appeared on his face after your revelation made your heart flutter. Somehow, he brought out a more raunchy side of you and you loved that other part of yourself.

As Hyunjin's lips met yours in a hungry battle of teeth and tongue, your hands found their way down to his pants, and more importantly his belt. It took you a few seconds to get it loose and when you did, the material fell from his slim thighs faster than you could have hoped for.

"Warm-up or no?"

The question of whether or not Hyunjin should prepare you for himself with his fingers and mouth had never been asked this directly in all your experience. Still, you deemed the term to be perfect for the moment as it cleared up everything quickly.

"I think the elevator thing did the trick," you told him honestly, referring to him grinding into you throughout the whole ride up to your floor. There was simply no need for him to prep you anymore, seeing as you were already so wet for him.

"Next time then."

With that promise of a next time, Hyunjin rid himself of his briefs before lining himself up with your entrance. That the two of you were still fully clothed from the waist upwards seemed to not make a difference in where this was headed. And, frankly, you couldn't be bothered with undressing further as it could have taken way too much time.

Before you could tell him to speed up and get to it, Hyunjin had already pushed himself into you, gliding in as smoothly as ever as your walls wrapped around his length. A soft moan left your lips at the feeling of him instantly filling you up.

The delicious sounds filling the room as Hyunjin kept on moving inside you were a feast for the ears. You couldn't remember ever hearing a sound so satisfying as the one coursing through these four walls at that exact moment. Your breathing got more and more unsteady with each movement, adding to the beautiful moaning from the man on top of you.

Hearing and seeing Hyunjin lose himself inside you, in your moaning and moving below him, made you feel proud. It made you want to capture this moment so that you could come back to it in the future. And it made you want to do to him what he was doing to you.

So, as soon as you had gotten used to him inside you, you started meeting his thrusts in the middle, circling your hip as often and naturally as you could. When you noticed Hyunjin throwing his head back at that motion, a smile spread on your lips as you increased the speed at which you were going.

As you were watching Hyunjin, the darkness from the lack of lighting making it so much harder to make out any colours and shapes, you believed it to be the prettiest sight there was to see. A few strands of his beautiful hair had gotten stuck on his sweaty forehead, his eyes glimmering so much more intense at this very moment.

Knowing just how divine Hyunjin looked on top of you, trying his hardest to keep control over his body, you regretted not having done this earlier. Surely, there must have been a moment during the past few months that could have led to this exact situation. That you hadn't realised this before was unfortunate.

"You feel so good." The silent praise almost got lost in the other sounds coming from in between his plumb lips, though it made you smile once it had gotten to your brain.

"Ditto," you answered as the words almost got stuck in your throat.

"Do that again, please." Hyunjin's demand sounded more like a plead as he had apparently loved one of your previous motions.

"You mean this?" you questioned as you rolled your hips the same way again. He couldn't verbally reply, seeing as he was overwhelmed by the movement, so he simply nodded as you noticed him swallow hard.

Without another word from the man, you repeated the same action over and over again, loving the reaction you got from him. So hopeless, almost fully giving himself to you, letting you take over.

"God-" As Hyunjin choked on his own words, you could tell that something you were doing, most likely the movement of your hips, wasn't doing him any favours. "I'm- I'm so close."

"Me too," you agreed as he captured your eyes in his.

One of Hyunjin's hands, you couldn't tell which one, he moved from holding himself up at your side to in between your legs, finding your nub after a second or two. When he started circling it over and over again, going at a pace too rapid to fully focus on, you threw your head back against the soft sheets of the mattress, simply letting yourself relax at his skilled fingers.

_______________

"Thank you. God, this was-"

"Incredible?" Hyunjin continued your unfinished definition as you just couldn't think straight for a second to do it yourself. A satisfied smile was playing on his face as he turned to look at you, laying breathlessly beside him.

"Yeah."

"It was, wasn't it?"

For a few seconds, you simply tried catching your breath as you were still coming down from one of the most vivid highs of your life. It took you a while to fully comprehend what had just happened, and you still couldn't tell how it had gotten to this point. Thought, you were glad that it did, because, honestly, there was no way you could ever regret this.

"What are you doing?"

As you watched Hyunjin get up from the bed, making his way over to his suitcase, confusion was written on your face. And it surely didn't help your confusion when he took his laptop out from his case after having put on a pair of low-hanging sweatpants. Soon enough, his shirt had landed in the pile as he made his way back to the bed, making himself comfortable on the empty side of it.

"We still have to go over a few things before the meeting tomorrow. We might as well get to it before the exhaustion takes over," Hyunjin simply explained himself as you laid next to him, still a little preoccupied with the previous, world-shattering orgasm.

"Is this your version of aftercare?" you questioned, half-jokingly. "Because, if so, you should work on that."

As you got up from the bed to rid yourself of your uncomfortable clothing, Hyunjin's eyes never left you. And for some reason, you didn't care anymore whether he saw you naked.

"You can sit on my lap until we're done working," Hyunjin teased, patting the space on his thighs. After what had just happened, this was probably not the most unfitting idea. Maybe, you'd get to that after preparing for tomorrow's day.

"I hardly think you'd get anything done. You're obviously in love with me," you said with a taunting wink as you let yourself fall onto the mattress beside him, now clothed in a t-shirt and a fresh pair of panties. "Let's just get this over with and then we can see what else there is to do."

As Hyunjin took the laptop back into his lap, a simple nod gave you the answer you had been looking for.

"Work before cuddling? That's my kind of woman."

340 notes · View notes

flowerwrites06 · 4 years

Text

utopic desire I — jjk

Plot: Under an elist system of Vampires, Jungkook is torn between his old values and the lowest ranked Vampire he begins to fall for.

Pairing(s): Vampire!Jungkook x Vampire!OC

Rating: G | PG | M | R 18+

Type: Drabble | Oneshot | Series

Genre: Supernatural/Vampires | Angst/Fluff/Smut

Tags & Warnings: discrimination, explicit smut, angst, coarse language.

Authors Note: this is a repost after my break since I’m not really going to convert this one to original fiction. So enjoy to those who missed it! I’m doing it in parts cause posting big posts on Tumblr sucks.

“Glasses, five o’clock.” Yoongi muttered mostly under his breath but enough for the group to hear before taking a small sip of his reddened whiskey.

Belle felt a light rumble in her belly at his words, turning her head a little to see the male sitting quietly at the bar counter. Blue sweater with some light wash jeans, thin rimmed glasses and slightly long messy locks hovering over his temples. The tiny pout on his bottom lip only added to what an adorable specimen he was. “Jeon?” She smirked.

Yoongi shrugged mimicking the little curl on her lips as his eyes flickered to the side to get another look of him. “Hangs around with the pure bloods a lot. Must be a favourite source.”

Jungkook was the quietest whenever Belle noticed him in the pure blood crowds and with the way he held himself, it didn’t seem like he was much of a power in the group. One of the vampires who she knew was called Vira always clung to him which she could only assume meant he must have been her human.

“Could be fun annoying the shit out of Vira.” Belle mused.

“Or dangerous.” Jimin spoke up, finger tracing the brim of his glass with the drink barely sipped on. “Pure bloods don’t like us meddling.”

“They don’t like it when I meddle.” She corrected.

Pure bloods had no issue with other pure blood vampires. Even Taehyung, they tolerated despite their dated views on humans. With her though, a spawn of an original vampire and a human was downright blasphemy in their eyes. Belle still wondered to this day why Jimin, Yoongi or even Kiku thought about including her into their group, tainting their name in the academy.

Yoongi nudged Jimin’s arm harshly. “For a Park, you’re a real buzzkill, you know that?”

Jimin rolled his eyes in response, raking through his blue hair before murmuring a small apology towards Belle.

“Do we have a deal or not?”

“What’re you willing to give me when I get him?” Belle leaned in, elbows rested on the surface.

A smirk plastered across the man’s lips. “If you get him to sleep with you, I’ll give you my Lamborghini.”

Belle scoffed. “Which one?”

“The Centenario.”

“Nah—I want the Veneno.”

“If you were less hot maybe but everyone wants you so…the Centenario.”

“Oh come on—”

“If it helps I’m pretty sure Yoongi came on one of the Veneno seats one time.” Kiku spoke gesturing a toothpick towards Yoongi who stammered a little.

Belle grimaced lightly. “Fine, the Centenario.”

“That’s only cause someone decided for the first time they weren’t going to swallow.”

“You literally begged me to let you come all over my face.” Kiku parted her lips in slight offense while Yoongi shifted in his seat.

“Okay now I’m really going to go.” Belle chuckled climbing off the stool and fixing her deep red, ruche dress fitted to her curves before walking to the bar counter.

Jungkook still had his eyes fixated on his drink taking one sip almost every hour while he was somehow deep in thought. Though as he noticed a figure walking his way, his head shot meeting two beetle orbs with shining ruby flecks scattered across. It glimmered in the night light resembling a dark faery of some sort though he knew she was no faery.

“Do you always sit around alone in the college bars?” Belle asked sitting down on the stool next to him, ignoring how her dress rode up her thighs when she did.

Gaze flickered down to the heavily exposed skin, body exuding a thick, warm scent flooding his nostrils and filling his lungs. Jungkook felt his head spin from the sweetness but found himself taking more in anyway. “I don’t like a whole lot of company.” He mumbled.

“Do I count as a whole lot of company?”

“Not really.”

Belle smiled, that tiny spark of accomplishment lingering in the pit of her belly but she knew not to get too excited. “I don’t like much company either.”

“You seem to have a few friends.”

“And I love them.” She nodded. “But I also love...more intimate company.”

Jungkook’s lips twitched briefly as he gripped onto the glass a little tightly. He watched her move forward with her arms folded under her chest, making them pop beautifully in the dim lighting. “What kind of intimate company?”

“Just two people. Me and them. Taking a walk, going to eat, having sex…” Belle let a small moment of silence linger between the two people before shrugging. “Intimate moments where it’s only between the two of you.”

Jungkook couldn’t help but feel a little tingle. How it was easy to just fall into her careful words and drown in her whole aura. “Do you get to do it a lot?”

The corner of her lips curled up a little. “I haven’t for a while.”

“That’s not good.” The scent grew thicker around him again and Jungkook sought it as a good sign enough to shift closer. A layer of ice melting between them with a new brewing heat.

She hummed sadly.

“How much did he bet?”

Belle peered up at him curiously, tilting her head. It didn’t really matter whether Jungkook knew it was a bet or not at this point. She already had him close enough. “A Lamborghini Centenario.” She smiled.

Jungkook raised a brow tempted to glance over at her group but he stopped himself. Not that it was too difficult when he started unintentionally counting the little ruby flecks in her eyes. “High price for little old me.” His voice descended into a darker register as he leaned closer, feeling a strange heat radiate from her skin. “You sure you want to take it?”

“Depends…how little are you?” Belle’s eyes flickered down his body momentarily.

He chuckled, licking the inside of his cheek as he glanced down at his drink. Now more than ever in this entire night, Jungkook lost full interest of filling himself up with alcohol that won’t even intoxicate him. He needed something sweeter. “Well I can’t confirm anything to you here.”

Hunger never tugged any stronger than a bad cramp with Belle. She found decent satisfaction in food but it was almost like strong, uncontrollable cravings when her body wanted to feed properly. A type of craving that needed to be satisfied for her own health and wellbeing. While Belle could take it more than any other vampire, refusing to take blood could still kill her just as easily.

Jungkook’s hunger was a basic need. His hunger panged and pulled at his gut, spread exhaustion through his limbs, head spinning uncomfortably. The last time he fed was on one of the history students in his group project. It was consensual but he couldn’t take much before the boy fainted. There was something different pumping through Belle’s veins, radiating with so much warmth and smelling so sweet that he made him a little dizzy.

Public bathrooms were not an ideal place for a feed but the dark purple walls and black marble floors allowed for less traces and easy clean ups. Door clicked as it locked. All Belle did was turn around before her whole body was engulfed with another, lips locked with his as he pinned her against the door. It was icy at first until it started meshing in with her own warmth allowing her to melt into it.

Somewhere deep in the thick lake of his thirst, Jungkook knew he should stop and go back to the bar to prevent any issues. If anyone found out who he was with in the bathroom stalls, they would give him hell beyond belief. But the thought drowned as quickly as he grabbed onto her hips and moved them to the sink counter.

Jungkook whipped her around until she bent over the marble counter a little, a smile curling at her reddening smudged lips. Looking into the mirror Belle admired the way his forehead knitted when she felt her dress push up to her hips. He brushed away her long hair to expose her shoulder and the crook of her neck.

Leaning in, he pressed wet kisses along her shoulder while his hips harboring a mind of its own ground against her plump bottom. His gut gripped at whatever satisfaction he could get from her smell. That thickly sweet smell just calling out to him. How was it possible? She wasn’t supposed to smell this warm. He wasn’t supposed to feel this hungry tasting her skin.

Belle tilted her head to give him more room waiting for him to get as riled up as possible before she took her own feeding. His large palms exploring every inch of her body, reaching up to her breasts and kneading them to light squeeze before trailing down her hips again.

Tongue traced across one particular spot, soft and sensitive. Fingers gripped at the roots of her hair to expose more skin before his fangs bared, white shining in the light before it sunk in. His whole body trembled in glee. The burst of warmth trailing down his throat, tasting so fucking delicious on his tongue that he kept taking in more. Jungkook moaned against her skin, one palm moving between her legs as he rubbed himself on her curve.

Her first instinct was to protest when Belle felt an intrusion on her skin. She held onto the edge of the counter so tightly that one of her nails could have cracked off. Except the words died on her tongue and the only sounds forming out of her were whimpers…pleased whimpers. The warmth that exploded through her was so thrilling, so intoxicating that her knees began to wobble.

Jungkook could feel himself getting full right to the very limit but he still took more. A slight tinge of concern sparked inside him. He was taking too much. Forcefully he pulled away and pressed his tongue against the injury to heal it quickly before taking deep breaths like they had already done the deed. He usually was really good at holding back. What was wrong with him?

“You’re a fucking trickster.” Belle breathed out with a light giggle. She really should be mad but her body felt far too satisfied to be angry. Though she still felt something stiff rubbing against her. With a cheeky smile, she swayed her hips against his causing the vampire to hiss and grab onto her.

“You wanted to do the same to me.” Jungkook spoke in a low growl, his eyes flashing back to his original red except it darkened in seconds with his ever growing lust.

“Except I can’t, can I?” Belle mumbled a little lazily, allowing him to dig his nails as much as he wanted into her skin but she still wasn’t going to stay put.

Jungkook buried his fingers through her hair and gently pulled her back so he pressed right against his torso. “You can’t tell anyone about this…” He whispered in her ear, lips brushing against her soft earlobe. “And you’ll still get your Lamborghini.”

Belle had it coming. The secret promise. Every pure blood or turned vampire asked her the same thing right when their moment of clarity passed through them after a night of heated movements and sinful noises.

‘ Don’t tell anyone I touched you. ’

‘ No one can know we were together. ’

She was never allowed to speak a word but that didn’t mean she couldn’t hear them jabbering how the failed breedling begged for it with their other friends. “I promise.” She muttered like a familiar song.

Jungkook searched her eyes for a moment, the ruby flecks losing their usual twinkle when she spoke those two small words. His expression softened, grip on her hair loosening before moving his hand down to fix her dress gently as if it could somehow cushion on a blow he didn’t know he caused. But it was there. He could feel the way her skin chilled slightly disallowing him to melt into her again.

Before he could truly understand what that feeling was, Belle shifted away from his hold a little, setting up her hair again in the mirror. Not a single confused twitch on her features.

Then why was he confused?

He was the one who asked to keep it a secret so that was it. It would be selfish to expect some kind of argument when there was no way around the matter.

“I’ll have to go first.” Belle broke through the momentary silence. “Yoongi won’t believe something happened if you went out before me.”

“Why not?”

Another grin tugged at her lips even though the flecks were still dull and unexcited. “I usually tire out the ones I’m with. They have to take a break or at least look really out of it afterwards.” Belle walked over to him and patted his cheek.

Jungkook scoffed lightly though a little relieved he caught the tiniest cheeky glint before she walked out of the bathroom.

Two mornings passed and it left the pure blood emptier than he wanted to admit. Jungkook opted to take this particular dawn to cage himself in the gym for a few hours before classes started rolling. It was the best time when the whole building was empty save for the security guards. Eventually when he tired himself out enough not to think about those ruby flecks again and have the smell of sweat instead of that sweet, warm aroma, he started preparing for the library.

Apparently Vira and a couple of others wanted to get some readings done and it was getting too sunny outside for their liking.

The academy library was vast filled with books ancient to modern adorning shelves so much taller than him he could barely see the top. Jungkook had a simple black long sleeves draped on him as he walked over to the corner table and found Vira with an empty seat to her.

Deep red lips curled up into wide grin as she patted the seat and the male didn’t really respond much before doing as she silently asked.

Jungkook never found a whole lot of interest in the conversations his group mumbled towards each other and simply opened his books to skim through readings like he thought they were supposed to do. Though even with their words tuned out a little, his eyes still flickered up to scan the shelves, a few of the tables with quiet students curling on themselves. Except one figure glowed so bright near a few tables forward.

Her hair was not as black as he imagined it was in the bar lighting. It was almost a chocolate brown, a little messy and wavy with a small clip loosely placing back on side of it. Lips in a lighter pink tinge while wearing lilac thin sleeve dress with small peach flowers scattered across from what he could catch. Jungkooks’ lips twitched a little seeing her smile so easily with such a genuine aura when a blond haired girl next to her muttered something between them.

“Kook.”

He felt a harsh nudge on his arm causing him to shake back into reality and look over at Vira again. “What?”

“We saw you sneaking in with a certain someone back at the party.” One of the other pure blood vampires, Hoseok spoke with a wide smirk tugging at his lips. “The failed breedling.”

“I thought we called her a failed experiment.” Vira commented with a ghost of a smile over to Hoseok who chuckled in response. “Some kind of deformed rat in the lab.”

Jungkook curled his fingers against the table trying to kill the words that were desperately attempting to escape through him. “She’s definitely not deformed. I mean…we’ve seen Doyoung’s nose.”

A turned vampire, Doyoung shot a glare at the male while the rest of the group laughed in full agreement though quiet enough not to echo through the room.

Hoseok then turned back to Jungkook with his eyes flashing red. “How non-deformed is she exactly?”

Nails dug deep into his palm until the skin almost ripped. Jungkook was glad he had a good ability to hide his abilities otherwise his eyes would have been permanently red from anger. “She’s…kinda perfect physically. I fed from her.” You fucking dumbass.

“You did?” Vira didn’t care to hide her grimace, hand pressing to her chest. “God, aren’t you sick?”

“It tasted good.”

“Really?” Hoseok’s eyes faded into red for longer than Jungkook was comfortable with. That same faint smirk appearing back on his lips. “How good?”

Jungkook wanted to look back at Belle. As if there was this intense pull at his belly wanting to watch her smile so genuinely again and tune this conversation out again. “Better than a human.”

“Fuck, seriously?” Doyoung’s eyes widened so much his eyes could have popped out if he wasn’t careful.

“Maybe we should tell our original masters to take in more humans to breed.” Hoseok nodded down at his open and ignored book rested there for show.

Jungkook actively ignored the comment and gathered a bit more confidence to look over at Belle’s table again. His stomach jumped to his throat when he noticed those dark orbs meet his own. He held onto it, expression softening to admire how beautifully they sparkled, how her chest rose and fell. The way her lips curled up before she leaned into whisper something in her friend’s ear.

Vira scoffed without any care for volume. “They’d rather feed on animals than do that. One abomination is enough.” Every word was harsh and cut, not a single ounce of regret in what was spewing out of her mouth.

He heard the words but paid no mind to them when Belle stood up from the chair, giving him another smile before walking over to the other end of the library where the last, abandoned aisle was.

“If you ask me then they should’ve killed her along with her dirty parents.” Vira shrugged looking down at her long deep violet nails.

“I need to find a book.” Jungkook got up from his chair and walked through the library on the other side of the shelves away from the tables. He didn’t share a single glance to Vira when she called his name.

It was almost like a pull. Dragging him across the floor like a sorry but happy puppet, running to the one who controlled his strings. She shouldn’t be controlling his strings. But Jungkook still let her.

Finally he reached the last aisle, pausing in his tracks for a moment when he saw Belle leaning back against the wall shelf with her arms crossed over her chest.

“What happened to not telling anyone?” Belle asked with a faint smirk plastered on her lips.

Jungkook walked to stand right in front of the girl, the morning sun brightly shining through the window but thankfully high enough not to beam on the floor. “Who says anyone’s going to know?”

The cute smirk stretched into a mischievous smile. “You owe me a little.”

“How’s that?”

“You fed from me.” Granted, Belle strangely enjoyed the feeling far more than she would like to admit. “Yet I haven’t gotten anything from you.”

“You don’t think it’s a little selfish?”

Without a reply, she hooked her fingers on the frilly hem of her dress, pulling it up enough for him to see those thick thighs again. “Depends on how badly you don’t want to give me anything.” Belle couldn’t help but dive deep into her gaze when looking at the male. Thin black sweater with the sleeves rolled up to show off the veins popping from his arms after his morning workout, long tresses naturally curled and touching his brows. She could just imagine those fingers gripping at her skin.

Gaze darkened as he watched her plump, pink painted lips curl up into a smile while the rubies in her eyes disappeared almost completely turning into a blackened red. “Do you enjoy making a scene?” His voice grumbled, stepping closer until once again he was met with that beautiful heat radiating from her.

“It’s not a scene if no ones’ looking.” Belle murmured, breath hitting his lips almost magnetizing him to dip his head down further. “Besides—I already know your little quiet shy boy is just a façade now. Don’t expect me not to have a little fun with it.”

Hand grabbed onto her hips like his life depended on it, pads of his finger squeezing her until he heard a light gasp. “I’m not like your other sweet humans that you tire out, darling.”

“Well I wouldn’t know much from experience, would I?” Belle tilted her head, her nerves awakening with the way his fingers deliciously dug through her clothes into her skin almost forming permanent dimples.

Jungkook walked forward letting her stumble back so she rested further against the last shelf of books. Her scent filling her nostrils again and he sniffed in letting it flood his lungs and thicken right up to his throat. His hands latched off her hip and trailed down her short dress, rough fingers tracing her soft thigh. Sliding up thin clothing between her legs, his hands paused where he felt heat. Wet heat soaking through a thin soft fabric, almost soggy when he pressed his fingers against it.

Belle let out a shaky breath, gently caressing his rising chest. As the male pressed harder she could feel her erect nub throbbing out for him. The light spark of pleasure caused her to close her eyes. What a mistake that was. Almost instantly the pressure on her panties stopped and another hand grabbed onto her chin.

“Look at me.” Jungkook growled under his breath. Eyes flashed red when their gazes met again causing Belle to smile albeit a little shakily.

A soft hum emitting in her throat, Belle felt his rough fingers sneak into her panties. Rubbing straight against her nub jolting sparks of pleasure through her veins. It was too tempting to close her eyes and fully relish into the sensations but she kept her gaze on him. His eyes faded into an extremely deep crimson.

Fingers caressed circles on her delicate clit before sliding down her dripping slit. Spreading her nether lips, he slowly pushed in his middle digit, curling up deeper as he hungrily watched Belle part her mouth and throw her head back against the shelf. Jungkook dipped in latching his lips onto her jugular to get more of her taste. So warm. So fucking sweet. He tried to muffle out the groan against her skin. Jungkook pulled his finger out and slid back up to her clit, increasing his pace into a mild assault of pleasure.

Belle brushed through his slightly cold hair, giggling lightly as he gently grazed his teeth on the side of her neck before kissing her jawline. She tried soften her moans with her trembling breaths but tiny noises of desperation still escaped. The rush tightened in her lower belly. Warmer. Hotter. Her hips jerked against his movements, almost standing on her tiptoes.

Then her ears pricked for a moment. Footsteps echoing a little closer than normal.

“Someones’ coming.” Belle whispered in a shaky tone, trying to push Jungkooks’ hand out of her panties but he didn’t budge.

“I thought you liked making a scene, baby.” He swirled his finger around her clit in a tantalizing pace again forcing her orgasm to move to a distance again.

“Jungkook—”

As the footsteps grew closer, Jungkook whipped her around so she faced the shelf. The librarian appeared at the aisle giving them a quick glance as Belle pretended to pick up a book.

It only took a few minutes of her gazing around, looking for a book rather than watching them directly but it thickened the frustration between the couple. Belle cupped her core gently trying to gain more friction to keep her pleasure driving closer though it was hard not to move too fast.

Once the librarian disappeared, Jungkook dipped his hand back without a single moment of hesitation, rubbing up and down her slit to spread her arousal before torturing her clit again. Head buried in her shoulder he viciously rubbed her bundle of nerves as she held onto the shelves for dear life while the book she held dropped to the ground.

Belle leaned her forehead against the shelf feeling the tightness in her lower belly. Calling out to her and yearning for more of his touch. Fingers wrapped around his forearm as it moved at a lightning pace. “J-Ju—” Heat surged through her body spreading across her limbs, knees shaking causing to almost stumble onto the floor but Jungkook kept her steady. She let out a clearer whimper as he continued to drawl out her orgasm, rubbing at her sensitive nub at a tantalizing pace.

Jungkook pressed roughly against her clit causing Belle to whine and giggle breathlessly. He couldn’t help but grin at the sweet sound, relishing in the aroma of lust mixing in with her natural scent. He turned her around more gently, taking his fingers into his mouth and suckling off her delicious release. “Is that good enough?” He brushed and fixed the light tresses hovering over the girl’s face.

She grinned brushing down the creases in her dress. “Much better.” Belle reached out and absentmindedly caressed the neckline of his shirt with a softer expression across her features, padding closer until her forehead was almost touching his chin. She had a light hum under her breath as she nudged her nose against his jawline.

“What’re you doing?” Jungkook asked, immediately regretting his words when he felt her comforting touch leave him making him feel empty.

Belle stammered stepping back a little and avoiding his gaze. He won’t care for you. “Nothing.” She mumbled quickly picking up the book from the floor, placing it back on the shelf. This was all you were meant for. “Sorry.” Was the final word uttered before she rushed to disappear out of the aisle.

Jungkook took a deep breath to call her back but the words died on his tongue. He had a feeling why she did it. That needy feeling to just cuddle into a warm body after coming down from a high. The little want to be taken care of. The knowledge of it all only caused a squeeze in his chest. I’m sorry.

NEXT PART >>

#jungkook #bts fanfic #bts smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #bts angst #jungkook smut #bts fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #angst #vampire au #bts vampire au #jungkook vampire au #tw: smut

482 notes · View notes

thegingeralien · 4 years

Text

Thought I might share my “doing homework with adhd” tips in case the might help even just one person (because that would make me feel happy).

Who am I to be giving you advice? Good point! I am still terrible at studying and I’m 26 and at University for the millionth time. But I have studied A LOT in my 22 years of schooling with varying degrees of success.

I see a lot of people, especially teenagers or first year university/college students, with ADHD asking for tips on how to study. But if you do a google search most of the websites and advice that comes up can be extremely ableist. So I hope I can help someone!

TIPS TO HELP YOU STUDY WHEN YOU HAVE AN ADHD GREMLIN BRAIN!:

1. Chewing gum!

- This might come across as a weird one, but it has actually really helped me. I use it as a form of stimming to help keep me focused and concentrating. Other forms of stimming can potentially end up being more of a distraction when you actually need to be reading or writing - but they can help if you just need to be listening. Try not to get a bubble gum or fun flavoured one though - as they can end up making your mouth feel dry, lose flavour quickly, and just give your brain way too many sensory things to become distracted with.

2. Buying colour coded stationary!

- New stationary can make me really excited to start studying, but that excitement never lasts long and the act of buying stationary can sometimes become it’s own hobby. That’s not what we are going for here. I really recommend, especially if you are a visual learner like me, to buy colour coded stationary. This means removable page markers, different coloured post it notes, highlighters, sometimes even pens. This way if your mind jumps from one topic to the other, it doesn’t matter. Go with the flow. Forcing your ADHD gremlin brain to focus can be extremely counter intuitive. So pick a colour for each topic, and stick to that system to find organisation among your own chaos!

3. Buy a really cheap, boring year diary with hardly any writing inside.

- Not sure if your school/university has their own diary but they can be perfect for what I am on about. Generally you can find them for really cheap, soft cover, no writing or designs within the dates. Just dates, days, weeks and lines where you can write your homework. This helped me a lot in High School. I wish I had kept doing it in University, but I am good with giving advice, and not so much with taking it. I used to decorate the outside of it however I wanted. Some years I would redecorate the same diary every semester. In the public holidays or holiday days I would colour those lines in with different highlighters to make it look like a rainbow. But every assignment due date, homework, draft, rewrite, form I had to bring back, library book due date, school activity days, ANYTHING to do with school I would write in there with reminds and check lists. Important due dates would be highlighted, general homework and daily to do lists t(o help me not leave my assignments to the last minute) would have a tick box beside them (because ticking tick boxes is free dopamine). Try to not put birthdays or fun things in it. This is a small way to stay on track so it helps you actually stay on track with the big things when you’re home.

4. Big whiteboards stuck on the wall where you can’t avoid it.

- This is not something I had in school, but I so wish I did. I have been using this recently to keep on top of house work (as maintaining your own house is tiring) and my small business or other things I really can’t avoid. If I physically write it down (not just in my phone) it psychologically does help you commit it to memory. Again, physically putting a line through a task you just completed is a hecking great rush of dopamine. But the biggest reason I love my white board, I can’t ignore it. It is stuck to the wall and is never out of sight, out of mind. I can’t put my phone or diary down and then refuse to look at it until I’m past the due date. Again, I’m not a perfect person, there are days where I don’t do anything I have written on the white board. But the great thing is, I don’t have to continuously feel like I failure, as I can wipe it all off the next morning or week and start fresh. I also put important things I have to remember that I’m doing during the week so I don’t forget them.

5. Icky Medication.

- I know not everyone wants to be on medication, and I understand. I am not forcing you to. No matter what your opinions are, you lovely gremlin who is still reading this post, regarding medication, you are valid and I respect you. My personal experience with medication has not been the best. I have been misdiagnosed for a severe chunk of my academic life which has seen me trying to focus and maintain school work under some even worse states then I am unmedicated! However, since receiving my diagnosis and finding the right ADHD medication for me, I have the ability to get so much work done without having to unnecessarily struggle. It’s unfortunately not magic, it will not turn me into a robot that makes me do work and turn out incredible, noble peace prize winning assignments (as much as I wish that were possible). I still have the ability to be a lump, doom scrolling through tumblr, forgetting to eat, and ignoring responsibilities. But it really helps me when I sit down and start that thing that isn’t fun. Yesterday it helped me hyperfocus on cleaning my office which was a terrifying room to be in. So it’s pretty close to magic in my opinion!

6. Accessing Disability Support at your place of learning.

- Not all of you taking the time to read this will have either a) an offical diagnosis or b) a good disability support available to you wherever you are completing your studies. And that is okay. This dot point just won’t be for you right now. But keep it in mind for a time when it might apply to you, as it’s something I never thought I would need, but will never take for granted ever again.

- If you have an offical diagnosis and Disability Support, make an appointment with the disability support adviser. DO IT NOW! Get your psychiatrist to write a diagnosis letter outlining that you have <enter superpower that makes you hilarious here> and that you are receiving <enter x,y,z treatment here> and that you would benefit from receiving <enter what you have always wished you had on the days you can’t make your ADHD gremlin brain do the thing here>. Now these benefits can be, but not limit to: automatic extensions on ALL assignments, extra time on exams, extra breaks to walk around while taking exams, special consideration when marking assignments, my university allows me to take exams in a separate room with only the other students in my subject who also have disability support (occasionally I have taken an exam alone with only a tutor present) so I don’t get distracted, permission to take fidget items into class or exam (I have the option to wear headphones, as long as I can display that they are not connected to anything). Maybe you can come up with some great ones for you with your disability advisor or your psychiatrist.

- The disability advisor will often go through your course outline with you at the start of each semester or year. This is annoying and a great time for disassociating, but can be useful in hindsight because you are made aware of everything that will come up during your class so you are not surprised. Because lets be honest, it is unlikely you are going to look at the course calendar too often.

- Side Note: I make an appointment every semester with my disability support officer for my area of study to make sure I have my special considerations for the year. Now I may go through the whole year without ever using my considerations. However, the fact that I know they are there takes an insane amount of pressure off of myself. If I’m having an insanely screwy loony tune mental health moment, I can email my coordinator my disability plan and say I need an extension due to personal reasons, and WHOOP, there it izzzzz.

7. Dedicated one thing or a few things that have nothing to do with food/alcohol/other substances to reward yourself with for doing the thing!

- This may not work for everyone. It doesn’t always work for me. I used to reward myself with food, but that only reinforced my stimming with overeating and my already bad relationship with food. And I feel as though that would be the same with any other substance that can be linked with addiction. (Addiction is a tough word, cause what aren’t I addicted to, I have ADHD, but hopefully you get what I mean!).

-Now, boring try and not choose this aside, lets think of somethings that work really well as rewards!

- My partner likes to come give me a kiss and a hug when ever they have written and reread a paragraph, you might buy a book when you get a really good mark, you might want to go make a cup of tea and watch an episode of your hyperfixation after studying for <enter a good period of time here>, you might allow yourself to partake in an activity you usually do while procrastinating (but at least this time you know you aren’t putting something off), talk to someone who you know will tell you they are proud of you as they understand the mental struggle you go through to concentrate (if you can’t think of anyone, it is 110% okay if that person are the amazing people on tumblr or the adhd tumblr chats. We will freaking pop a bottle of champagne for you cause we get it!).

- Try and make what ever you choose be something in a different room or away from your working space. Getting out can really calm you down.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.

- This is true for anything, but I don’t mean just asking your teacher to give you extra help understanding the task and marking rubric. Many people online, tutors, librarians at your school, past or present students offer assistance rereading and making small edits (they won’t make it magical unfortunately) to your assignments. If you are like me and once you have written or completed the dreaded thing, you can not imagine or force your gremlin brain reread or edit the thing. So it can help to just delegate this to someone else, who hasn’t read it before, so they won’t disassociate or skim read it. They will often notice things you never would have even if you were neurotypical as that is just what happens when you have been working on something for so long.

9. Repetitive music.

- It generally helps if this has no lyrics. Lo-fi is amazing. Classical is alright too if it works for you, but both my partner and I agree that it can really assist you to keep up pace and focus when the beat is a high and repetitive (almost meditative) tempo.

10. Limit your screen space.

- This is a tip completely from my partner @dr-adhd who also has ADHD, is an avid PC gamer and is consistently in a battle with their gremlin brain to focus on completing their PhD. They have discovered that it really helps them to limit their screen space - simply put, work on one screen only. They have done more work more easily when they have their one screen on their laptop to focus on. Whereas their office has multiple screens so they could be playing runescape, watching YouTube, listening to lo-fi and doing work - which never worked (shocking right hahaha).

11. At the risk of sounding like a Mum... Put your phone and other electronics other than the assignment necessary one, away.

- I am a Mum, but to a fluffy puppy dog, so I hate to sound like my Mum when I was in high school, but she was right. Mobiles are the single easiest and biggest distraction in ADHD history. I often, even at coffee shops, have to turn my phone over so that I am not consistently looking at it every time the screen lights up to say the pizza place has sent me a coupon, or a carpet place that has been having a sale since I was born is... still having a sale, or a friend from school wants you to watch this TikTok. Even though you might not want to ignore your friends, because people pleasing, difficulting making/keeping friends and RSD are hecking real things, but they can all wait. Trust me, none of them are urgent. That TikTok will still be funny in an hour or two. And I’m probably completely right when I say that whomever just messaged you, never replies as quickly as you want them too. So I doubt they are going to think twice if you are MIA to finish your thing.

My partner or I might add to this later, but at the moment I already know that I probably wouldn’t read this wall of words if I was the one reading it, so if you are still with me, THANK YOU and I really hope I might have helped you. Sorry for the mound of words, but maybe you can reblog, screen shot, or save this and read a dot point at a time or refer to it when you need. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I promise what ever it is, I’ve asked the same thing once in my life or something MUCH stupider.

#ADHD #Study tips #actually adhd #autistic #adhd #neurodivergent #adhd study tips #advice #adhdstudytips #studying with adhd #adhd advice #ask adhd #adhd mood #adhd life #adhd vibe #disability support #uni support #school advice

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stubbornjerk · 3 years

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Why people keep telling you to block them if you support Pholo (Penumbra Edition)

Or: why jitterbug-juno really deactivated

I love when people categorize this as fandom wank. Really makes you feel like you’re putting the onus on either side of the conversation.

I’m making this post not because I want to stir up spoiled milk, but because I want it out there that this wasn’t a purity culture war.

The TL;DR version of this is that fans of color tried to tell Rab (prev. jitterbug-juno) not to post her Omegaverse (or A/B/O) fic. And instead of taking the L, she posted it on Ao3 and deactivated.

But, if you want context, well, buckle in. CW for mentions of racism and transphobia.

What did jitterbug-juno do?

Before I get into this I do want it out there that I will not be linking Rab’s fic, but I will show you this screenshot of the summary of it.

[ID: It is a screenshot of a fic, “As You Are” by Pholo.

Summary: Peter can hide his scent glands behind cologne; makeup; concealer pads. He can quash his heats with suppressants. He can divert the urge to nest and fawn.

But he can’t feign another gender’s subvocals. He lacks the anatomical capacity. Mag taught him to distract from his silence with fast, flashy words. For longer heists he relies on social convention. Traumatic mutism is uncommon, but remarked upon by enough war vets and soap operas to be widely recognized. Peter’s marks assume he’s been harmed long before they assume he’s a closeted omega. It would take quite the backwater brute to ask why he doesn’t murmur or chuff or growl.

On the 'Blanche there are the usual furtive glances. Juno makes clear to Peter that should he ever want “to talk about what happened,” he’ll be there to listen. The gesture annoys Peter more than comforts him.

‘Nothing happened,’ he wants to scream. ‘There’s nothing to talk about!’

There are 14 comments, 85 kudos, and 11 bookmarks /end]

You decide what you’re doing with that information, but honestly, I’d rather you don’t give it anymore engagement than it deserves.

There was a period earlier this June (yes, even though it’s only the 10th, at time of writing) when Rab was posting snippets of the aforementioned fic on her blog and tagging it appropriately, putting it in the attention of pretty much the entire Penumbra fandom.

What’s Omegaverse or a/b/o and why is everyone so against Rab for it

If you know what Omegaverse is, I don’t have to tell you why it’s controversial. If you don’t know what Omegaverse is, well, Fanlore said it best:

a kink trope wherein some or all people have defined biological roles based on a hierarchical system, with the terms originating from animal behaviour research. There may be werewolf, knotting, or other animalistic elements involved, or the characters may be otherwise purely human.

The term is generally written with slashes (a/b/o). Many fans, particularly ones from Australia and New Zealand, are uncomfortable seeing the term without slashes because it is also an Australian slur for aboriginal people.

I won’t get into the history or the heaps and tons of other discourses (mostly about fictional male pregnancy, homophobia, transphobia, sexual assault, etc.) that go on within that. We’re here specifically on Rab v. Penumbra fans of color and we’re staying there.

Anyone who’s been in Penumbra enough to realize that everyone draws the Junoverse characters in a certain way knows that a) Juno is black, b) Nureyev is Asian, and c) as a fan you have to be aware of what you’re subjecting or saying about either of them because of the political repercussions that come with it.

And despite that, Rab proceeded to write Peter Nureyev, a gender nonconforming gay Asian male character that is widely headcanon’d as trans, into a fic using a kink trope that relies heavily on animal behavior.

Unlike most people new to fandom, Rab is aware of what Omegaverse is and is very much white. She is (and if she isn’t, should be) aware of the racist undertones that writing him in would get.

I couldn’t get a screenshot of what snippets Rab was sending out into the ether, seeing as a majority of my friends would rather not have seen any at all (I have all of the usual tags blocked so I wouldn’t have seen it either way), but needless to say, Rab got attention for it. Both positive and negative.

Anne (@hopeless-eccentric) even posted a satirical fic, in the odds that Rab was just writing this thing to be “the first” to write Omegaverse fic in the Penumbra tags.

But, I’m assuming more than one fan of color came into Rab’s inbox and messaged her about it, but someone I know (who would like to remain anonymous) was gracious enough to take a screenshot before he sent his in and let me use it for this post:

[ID: A message to jitterbug-juno about to be sent by a sender whose name is censored with a black bar. His messages says:

“as someone who is a person of color i think the nature of the fic you are writing right now is extremely racist and attributing animal characteristics to lgbt people of color is not at all appropriate, especially when you are someone who is white. i have to ask you to not publish this fic and to reflect as to why you would want to write this in the first place, these tropes are extremely harmful and”

There are 33 characters left to write into the message. /end]

I can’t speak for whoever else sent asks about the fic she was writing. If anyone was actually not-so-gentle with her, well, minorities don’t really owe it to you to be gentle about what they can tell is bigotry-tinged behavior.

But, the message was clear: this is different from your garden variety, lily white straight male character m/m kink fantasy. This is an actual queer Asian character that a lot of queer Asian people feel attached do. Do not post the fic.

What happened next: the beginning of the end

The next morning, I woke up to most of my friends being frustrated by this post on Rab’s account:

[ID: Dated 5 June, a post by jitterbug-juno:

“Gonna leave the fandom for a while. Wishing you all well.”

The tags say the following: not sure if i’ll be back, thank you so much to everybody who’s read my fics, and who’s sent asks or engaged with my art or any of that, you’re amazing and I’m sending love /end]

That... was not what fans of color wanted, but it was definitely an action they took. Some celebrated, as they were very much wary of Rab for having caused much of the same category of drama in fandoms like Voltron: Legendary Defenders and Warrior Cats. This also meant that she was probably not going to post the fic either.

Some, myself included, were relatively pissed, as they’d wanted even just the measly bit of accountability. An apology or an acknowledgement of having been called out in private and that they’ll take time to consider why. But instead we got Rab leaving in the face of fans of color telling her not to post her Omegaverse fic.

Well. The next day...

[ID: Dated 6 June. A post by jitterbug-juno titled, “Well... that was short-lived”

“I gave the situation a lot of thought yesterday. The reaction to my omegaverse previews made me figure I should leave the fandom. It seemed like the safest option.

But you know what?

Hell.

I don’t want to leave. The fic discusses the tropes of omegaverse and I spoke to several POC on Twitter, and I’m going to post it with plenty of tags so people can avoid it if they wish. I’m not going to be chased out of this space.

Thank you to everyone who sent messages yesterday. I shouldn’t have made that post about leaving. It was really reactionary. I’m okay and I appreciate your support so much.

(bolded on the post) To those who are angry and uncomfortable with me: Please block me. If you’re going to talk about this fic on Tumblr and Twitter– and this may sound odd– PLEASE NAME ME as Jitterbug-juno or Pholo. Don’t vague me. That way people who don’t want to see this discourse can add my name to their block lists.“ /end]

That certainly was short-lived, she wasn’t kidding.

This got a lot of outrage. Again, the fic is up on Ao3 and she has not taken it down. A lot of POC were pissed and I didn’t see a single fan of color actively support what she was doing, at least, not in my friend group. Everyone started making those posts to block them if you liked the fic or Rab’s content in general, in accordance to what Rab wanted.

Perseus (@mraudiodrama) noticed/pointed out that Rab deleted the part where she said she spoke to several POC about releasing her fic, as well as the part where she said she refused to be chased out of the fandom. This was an incredibly pointed detail to edit out, according to some.

[ID: A screenshot of jitterbug-juno's last post taken 11:00PM. Much of it is the same except the following bolded words are removed: "The fic discusses the tropes of omegaverse and I spoke to several POC on Twitter, and I’m going to post it with plenty of tags so people can avoid it if they wish. I’m not going to be chased out of this space." /end]

That same day, Rab deleted her blog. I actually caught this one on tape, believe it or not.

[ID: A screen recording taken at 12:01 PM of someone scrolling down jitterbug-juno's account. The posts and asks about Omegaverse and her post about leaving and coming back are conspicuously absent. /end]

Initially, I thought she deleted all mentions of it. I wanted to see firsthand if the rumors about her deleting portions of it were true. If she added things where she was saying that she wanted to write it because she was autistic and wanted Nureyev to be autistic too, regardless of the numerous QPOC telling her not to do it.

Instead, it turned out, she deleted her blog.

And now, we're here. The fic is still up. Her blog is down. Rab's public Twitter account @nataclinn is quiet about this. Her @cushfuddled Twitter account is on private after her run-in with the Warrior Cats fandom, according to a friend. And her Tumblr @cushfuddled account has nothing but memes.

Again, I didn't make this post to stir up drama. I wasn't even obsessively making this post as a call-out because she isn't in the fandom anymore. I just want it out there that this isn't a purity culture thing that got out of hand in a fandom as niche as Penumbra. This was a case of someone being called out and failing to acknowledge it before running away. And I want all that out of the way before I say:

If you are on Rab's side of this debacle, I, a queer person of color, want nothing to do with you either.

#the penumbra fandom #jitterbug-juno #pholo #racism #white drama #im not tagging this as fandom drama or fandom wank because that erases the fact #that this was legitimate criticism of a white person #the penumbra podcast #junoverse #i put it in a readmore so its not gonna clog up much #but if anyone doesnt want me to tag this w the fandom tags i'll remove it #once again though this is the furthest thing from anti/proship discourse

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dandeebakes · 3 years

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I Read a Fic Today That Made Me Cry, not for the reason you might think.

Personal thoughts from a new fanfic writer. Read at your own risk. This is a mess.

These thoughts are deeply personal and I can’t believe I’m posting them publicly. It’s borderline unintelligible rambling nonsense. Honestly, I’m really just using tumblr as my personal diary, because I need to take these thoughts out of my head and put them somewhere else. But if they help someone else, than it was worth it to spit all this all out like crazy person.

I read a fic today that made me cry. Something most of us can relate to. We’ve all read those fics so moving and heart-string tuggy that we’ve spent countless minutes of our lives, huddled under a blanket at 2 am, wiping away the tears caused by our most beloved fic writers. It is all part of the fandom experience. It is all part of loving our favorite characters so much that we want to read all their hopes, dreams, desires, trauma, joys, sorrows (yadda yadda) played out in a million different scenarios. This time though that experience was much different. I wasn’t moved to tears because the fic was super angsty, but because it was so beautifully written that it made me feel small and inferior.

See, I am new to creative writing. To be honest, I am new to writing in general. I also have a documented learning disability, ADHD and complex PTSD, which triggers a lot of judgment based anxiety. Because of this, I approach my writing with a great deal of self-doubt. When I was 12, I was told by a special Ed teacher that I should avoid expressing myself through writing. She said that because of my learning disability, it was always going to be a struggle for me to put words down on paper and have them make sense. It was written into my IEP that, whenever possible, my teachers had to allow me to give all my written assignments orally. I spent a good chunk of middle school missing recess so that I could present assignments to my teachers privately. As you might have guessed, this did not help me learn how to express myself in any meaningful way. It was nerve wracking and embarrassing. It made me terrified of public speaking and it made me even more terrified of sharing my dumb (my words) and uninspired thoughts with anyone. It also, rather obviously, didn't teach me a very important life skill—how to write effectively. Rather than take the time to work with me on my writing skills, the public school system (rated number 1 in my state at the time, btw) left me to flounder and taught me to hate myself. Because, the thing is… I’ve always wanted to write. I’ve always had thoughts and ideas swimming in my head that I was just aching to get out. But in the 6th grade I was told that I was not creative enough, and too confusing for anyone to ever care about what I had to say. No one was ever going to want to read a single word that came from my hand, because it was never going to sound nice, or make sense. At least, that’s what I heard.

Anyway, here I am at 38, so inspired by my love for a fictional character that it makes me want to search my brain for that deeply repressed pocket of creativity. (I blame Ted Lasso [affectionately] entirely.) I find myself desperately wanting to engage and create. I yearn to bring life, love, and joy to these characters who have taken up residency in my brain. I have annoyed my friends and wife about this at length. Talking about wanting to create, but feeling too inferior to do so. Knowing I will never be able to do my favorite characters the justice they deserve.

Still, after a great deal of encouragement from some of my closest and kindest friends, I have been putting words down on paper. It’s fun. I feel empowered. I feel like I’m finally doing something that I’ve wanted to do for so long. But…there are still so many important things I don’t feel: creative, witty, intelligent, good, worthy. With every single word I write, I think of the thousands of other words written by people so much more talented than me. People who can get inside the heads of my favorite characters to give them passion, and intrigue in a way that I’ll never be able to. People who write with beautiful, poetic language. People who can craft elegant metaphors that make you feel like you are right there with the characters. People who can capture personality traits, and complicated emotions. People who can simply visualize a character's whole being and then make it shine on paper. People who can pull tiny pieces of characterization from canon and weave them into a fully fleshed character with wants, needs, baggage, trauma, backstories etc. I want to write like this, but I can’t. Not yet anyhow…

Social comparison is a hell of a drug, y’all. And it’s been eating me alive. But I recognize it (thank you therapy). I spent the whole day today asking myself why on earth I even care? It’s fanfiction. I write it for my own enjoyment, and so that these beautiful goobers don’t overstay their welcome in my brain. I’m not being graded on it. Someone's livelihood is never going to depend on me getting the characterization of Trent Crimm (Independent) right. In the end, why can’t I allow myself to be inspired by the folks more talented than me, rather than discouraged by them. If there is anything I learned from not being “allowed” to write, it’s to fuck that whole idea entirely. Just fucking write, dude. Will it be good? Who cares. Will it move someone to tears? Probably not. Will it be the most creative and awe inspiring story ever written? Nah. But, really, who? cares?

Anyway, here's a completely insane non sequitur…I watched the Netflix mini series Maid while working this week. After sobbing my eyes out, I came back to a quote Alex said right before she finally left for college. It struck a chord deep in the judgment filled anxiety zone of my brain. “It’s a lot easier to write the truth than it is to say it out loud. Nobody can take writing away from you. Nobody can tell you that you’re wrong, or your words are wrong. Because they’re not. You’re right, and your words are fucking right. Because they’re yours.” So, after this little nonsensical ramble, I am going back to working on my three wips. Eventually, I might put one up one AO3. Will the crippling fear of judgment and rejection eat me alive? Yes, it absolutely will. But it won't matter, because those words will always be mine and mine alone. If someone else finds enjoyment in them, great! If someone chooses to give me that sweet, SWEET validation, I’ll cherish it. I’ll wrap it up in a fragile piece of tissue paper and tuck it gently into the happiness cupboard of my brain forever. But at the end of the day, I write, and will continue to write, for me. The rest is barbecue sauce.

#social comparison #a new writer struggling to find her place in fandom and being weird about it online #its two cakes yall #unpracticed use of commas #im so sorry

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stillness-in-green · 3 years

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I'm not really active in the MHA fandom or blog- but I agree a lot with your points on OH. To be fair though- I don't think weekly schedule in itself facilitate great writing imo b/c Mangaka's don't have the time to revise their drafts (they get usually max 6 hours of time to work on each page- everything from name to final touch ups- monthly authors get up to 2 days for each page), there's literally not enough time to think, reread or to adjust things. But I think Hori's reaching a point where it's not sustainable for him to keep at the pace he started MHA with. So he's cutting corners to move the plot faster- but compressed plotlines will come with executional pitfalls. That's just the limits of the medium when you don't have a dedicated writer/ don't have everything pre-planned. It's getting more apparant now, because we're in the final arc- and people are expecting pay offs to start happening. And in considering that the 'conversation' deku and OH had was supposed to be payoff on OH's character thread? It's a lotta waffling imo. I'm over it at this point- because If Hori is actually doing this because it's for his own health- then I'd rather he do that. regardless of whether I like his story or not- it's still his story- so the priority imo is so long as he's happy with his work- that's what should matter more. It doesn't mean it's above critque, or that we should all like it, not at all, ones reactions are one's own, and genuine in their emotions. There's nothing wrong with expressing such on ones own blog, and tagging it in the fanom. Critiques ultimately for those of us doing so, is moreso for ourselves, either those who want to work on creating our own IP, or just want some benchmarks to keep in mind in reading future stories and anticipating what actually appeals to one's own tastes. I just want to make a shoutout of all of that, cause I can tell some of the people reblogging your OH post don't get it at all and are too busy in the "I'm right, you're wrong mindset"- which is-realistically speaking nothing new when it comes to internet fandoms- but still missing the point of what you were saying. Unfortunatly- Tumblr's reply function is pretty much ass when it comes to anything of length on an actual post though. So hope you don't mind the rando tldr from a passer by.

Heya anon, I definitely don't mind the passer-by message. You're right about Hori's ridiculous work schedule. I complained during the war arc about all the breaks, but now I definitely wish he would take a few more than he has been. Not just for the story's sake, but also for his own--it's been AGES since he had one, it seems like. And in fairness, I can hardly expect him to make the time to do a bunch of research on e.g. the detrimental psychological impact of solitary confinement on his schedule.

In truth, the rant was mostly to get it off my chest. Normally, I save my most annoyed complaining for Discord, but sometimes when it feels like no one else is saying the things I want to see said (about Deku's motivations there, about the PLF arrests, about the MLA's views on quirk supremacy, etc), my motivation overflows.

Ultimately, I've been making my peace with the idea of jettisoning canon pretty much since Chapter 240 dropped and featured a Re-Destro whose characterization I liked considerably less than Chapter 239's Re-Destro,* so the idea of writing off the canon after a certain point and just writing the fic I want to write is something I'm very prepared to do.

Still, it'd be nice to be happy with the canon itself, and I really am hoping to be! There's so much good and interesting stuff going on in the series, really challenging material, and like many others, I hope that this arc is about really pushing Hero Society and its defenders to the breaking point so that they can see that the system they have does have to change--just to pick the obvious example, I don't want to see Hawks proven right that a system that could produce him and Lady Nagant is worth salvaging just because Deku is a good person.

Thanks for the message, anon! I grew out of the phase of being bothered by people who willfully miss my point or read me in bad faith many, many fandoms ago, so I'm not too concerned with the people in the comments doing that--I've gotten some very thoughtful responses and much more traction than I'd been expecting, so I'm glad the rant reached some like-feeling people! Here's to hoping Horikoshi gets some rest, and we all can find satisfaction in the story he's working so hard to bring us.

(*Regarding 239 vs. 240's Re-Destro, while I have my problems with how the MLA is being treated in general, the canon has given me more good RD material. I will probably never be over him calling Shigaraki "savior and liberator" and getting indignant about Shigaraki's safety GOOD SHIT GOOD SHIT. Also Clone!RD talking about the relief of only having to present one face to the world and wistfully reflecting on his group's sought-after Liberation as he falls into nothing I am still shook.)

#stillness answers #bnha

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buckleysjareau · 4 years

Text

masterpost of all of my fics

!hey hey, here’s mostly everything i’ve ever written for 9-1-1 and Criminal Minds. Reblog if you like any of them, and always come back to check and see if it’s updated. It’ll always be pinned. :) Everything under the read more line!

AO3: 9-1-1

Buck Goes To Pride (buddie, getting together)

Thinking back to that cold winter afternoon when Buck broke down in her arms after the shit show that was his coming out, she never thought she'd be helping her brother get ready for Pride. He shut that part of himself away for a long time. But eleven years later, she's handing her brother a box with a pride flag in it, and he's grinning from ear to ear.

Buck goes to his first pride featuring his journey of coming out, lots of hugging, and Hen being the best.

...or you could have mine? (buddie, pre-relatioship)

There's too much going on between his agitation, people talking over each other, the way his uniform feels more scratchy than it ever has, and the bright lights. He can't sit still and he knows he's starting to annoy everyone but he can't help it no matter how much he wishes he could with his medication.

ADHD Buck

agree to disagree (buddie, getting together, friendship)

Whoever thought a night of heavy drinking between Buck, Eddie and Chimney was a good idea, were out of their minds. When sober, they were idiots but shot after shot of tequila plus the couple of beers they each had before meeting up multiplied the absolute stupidity of the three men.

Buck, Eddie, and Chimney get wasted and Athena wins a bet.

i put a spell on you (buddie, getting together)

Eddie Diaz absolutely loved Halloween. Ever since he was an excitable eight year old boy he’d been known to go all out for the holiday. Twenty-four years and a son had not changed that.

4k+ words of Eddie being happy, scaring his friends, and loving Halloween.

baby you know i just wanna leave tonight (buddie, pre-relationship)

If there was one thing that people knew about Evan Buckley, it was that he didn’t want people to know him.

People find out more about Buck then he ever wanted them to know when the Buckley’s come to town.

i woke up from a never ending dream (buddie, getting together)

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

Sensing the urgency, Eddie jogs the rest of the way. He doesn’t know what he’s really expecting, his mind not entirely focused, but for the second time that night, Buck surprises him.

“Buck?!”

Where Buck is going through it and Eddie has anxiety but they help each other through it. Featuring pet names and lovesick Eddie.

you feel like the sun on my face (buddie, established relationship)

Buck has a way of doing things and saying things that even in Eddie’s worst moods, he still can’t fight his smile.

Eddie's view on Buck's Wikipedia spirals and the beginning of the brilliant idea it inspires.

Part 1 of 3 in the ‘cause of i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place series

you feel like the perfect escape now (buddie, established relationship)

"In the symbolic language of jewels, a sapphire in a wedding ring means marital happiness."

Eddie planning his proposal with the help of Hen and Karen. Featuring good ol' Buck and Chimney banter, soft and in love boyfriends, and tooth rotting fluff.

Part 2 of 3 in the ‘cause i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place series

everything is blue (may + buck friendship, buddie, getting together)

When Evan Buckley is ten, he discovers nail polish.

In which Buck paints his nails, Eddie is flustered, and May is a matchmaker.

it weighs on me (buddie, established relationship)

The bad weather is gone, except it’s not.

In which Buck has a bad day and Eddie holds him through it.

101.9 (buddie, getting together)

Evan Buckley did not get sick.

Based on a tumblr prompt where Buck’s fever won’t fuck off so Eddie makes him take a cold bath.

when i’m walking in my sleep (buddie, getting together)

He finds that maybe he’s a little in over his head when Buck greets him with a loopy smile. He’s just a tiny bit in love with Evan Buckley, and having dealt with post-surgery Buck before, Eddie is sure his heart might burst with every zany grin and stage-whispered expression of appreciation.

Eddie takes care of a loopy Buck after he gets his screws removed, and truths come out.

you’re in my heart (buddie, established relationship)

"I will not be broken... I will not be... fine, fine, you win! Stop with the face."

Eddie sings Buck to sleep after he finds out Eddie can sing.

we’ll be fine, you and i (buddie, established relationship)

He couldn’t believe his luck. He never imagined he’d be able to have this and now, he’s here. He has everything he could ask for and more in his boyfriend’s arms. Stability, happiness, love.

dizzy hurricane (buddie, pre-relationship)

“I’m a medic,” Buck mocks. “You’re a medic, but you can’t take care of yourself, apparently!”

Eddie refuses to admit he’s sick and finds his medic expertise is unreliable when it comes to himself.

tongue forgot the words and feet forgot the earth, it’s true (buddie, established relationship)

Eddie feels like he’s drowning in insurance payments, tuition raises, overbearing parents and anxiety. Things had definitely been worse on him when he didn’t have a whole new support system on his side but things just kept piling on, one after another, it was impossible for him not to feel suffocated. Every muscle in his body was sore from being completely tensed all of the time, the lack of sleep was getting to him, he’s in a foul mood to everyone that loves him. He just wants a break, needs a break.

Eddie finally gets a second to breathe.

you are my glitter and my gloom, i am so numb without you (buddie, getting together)

But right now, with Eddie by his side, he doesn’t worry. For the first time in almost a year, he doesn’t have to worry.

Buck has a flashback, or six, after the landslide. Eddie is there to bring him back, like always.

double vision wrapped in last night’s party clothes (buck centric, pre-relationship buddie)

"I have always been honest with you." When Eddie's voice cracks, Buck's composure almost cracks with it. "Why can't you just be honest with me?"

When Buck is let in on a long kept family secret, he doesn't know what to do. He almost ruins things with the one person that keeps him from feeling like he's floating away with no way to land, but it ultimately turns out okay with help of a little communication.

safe, better keep that thought to yourself (madney)

But days after, he still can’t stop hearing it in his head, over and over.

I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie.

with friends like ours anywhere is home (buck & tk, background buddie)

[@evanbuckley: you have two new follow requests.] @marjanmarwani would like to follow you. @tkstrand would like to follow you.

@tkstrand liked your photo. @tkstrand liked your photo. @tkstrand liked your video.

@tkstrand So, I see you have a boyfriend, too. I’m sorry for assuming haha

Wait, what?

Buck and TK’s long distance friendship featuring love advice, horrible nicknames and background Buddie.

wish i could keep you in amber, safe from the outside (buddie)

Neither of them say anything as Eddie takes shelter in Buck’s arms, face tucked in the crook of his neck, sheltered from all the bad that’s happened. A safe place.

He can only hope that he’s Buck’s safe place, too.

In which Eddie and Buck are struggling after the shooting and they finally have a much needed talk.

AO3: Criminal Minds

you light my fire (jemily, AU)

Emily's face stays complacent as JJ reaches out her hand to shake, only dropping the smug act and smiling genuinely when she reaches for JJ's hand. "Welcome to the team, Pennsylvania Petite."

Jemily Firefighter AU

Tumblr: 9-1-1

“i saw this and i thought of you immediately.” (buddie)

keep you warm (henren)

wheels up, buck (9-1-1, criminal minds crossover)

stand, you’re gonna run again (buck centric, buck & bobby)

bows and ribbons and glitter (buck & chimney, madney)

“i believe that would be murder” (buddie, pre-relationship)

mac-and-cheesy (buddie, established relationship)

his saving grace (buddie, pre-relationship, buck centric)

what i love about the south (pre-relationship buddie)

unconditional, unadulterated (buddie, getting together)

home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling (buck & athena)

he’s special, they’re special (madney, meet-cute)

Tumblr: Criminal Minds

rough nights end in hot chocolate (garvez)

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cherrytoru · 4 years

Text

A Letter For You

also titled: Five Times Yaku Said I love You & When They Said It Back

Word Count: 2.4 K

Pronouns: they/them

warnings: swearing, a little bit of angst, currently unedited

Authors Note: this is my second time posting this cause tumblr decided to delete it last time. also apologise of the lack of a read more for some reason tumblr won’t let me add it right now.

tags: @thembo-for-anime @ohayoposts (uhh tagging you so you can get your yaku fix-)

Number One: Hasty Confessions

Yaku Morisuke was lot of things, late was not one of them. But alas here he is, running faster than he ever has in his life. Okay maybe that one is a stretch.

As he ran towards the club room he racked his brain for a logical reason of how he ended up in this situation. His alarm was set. And so was his back up. Hell even his back up’s back up was on. So why was he sprinting to Nekoma 20 minutes later than he should have arrived?

Yaku didn’t really have an excuse. All he really knew was that he was late and starving. He also knew that the chances of him getting to eat before lunch were slim to none.

“Yakkun!” He turned his head to where the sound was coming from. Standing by the club door was Y/N, waving at him a small smile on their lips. “There you are! I was starting to get worried.”

He let out a breathy laugh. “I slept through my alarm by accident.” He sheepishly replied rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well don’t keep the team waiting, they need their libero, silly.” And with that they pushed him into the club room, closing the door behind him to allow him privacy.

Yaku let out a sign of relief when he walked into the gym. No one seemed to ridicule him for showing up late. He quickly stretched and got to work receiving with Lev.

Practice went on as normal despite his late entrance. He yelled at Lev for failing to receive the ball. Kuroo laughed and poked fun at the pair. And seemingly as soon as it started it was over.

A knock resonated from the door of the club room. “Are ya decent?” Y/n yelled with a slight laugh.

“Yeah yeah you’re good creep.” Kuroo laughed out as Y/N creaked open the door.

“Yaku are you good?” He perked up at the mention of his name, a slight blush dusting his cheeks realizing you where staring at him questioningly.

“Huh? Uh what?”

“You’re tie?” He looked down the the crooked knot which donned his neck. They stalked towards him, hands reaching out to pull the knot undone.

Fingers making quick work of the loose fabric. “Thanks.” He flushed again.

They nodded quickly grabbing his blazer and handing it to him. “Let’s go.” They walked back towards the door but paused, hand stopped on the handle. “Don’t need you being late again.”

Yaku sat at his desk feeling nauseous. The lack of food in his system finally catching up to him. Dropping his head down on to the desk hoping it would all just go away.

Soft footsteps made there way in his direction before stopping in front of his desk. “Yakkun.” The soft voice didn’t register as his beloved manager at first.

An annoyed groan paired with an overly annoyed face came out of the libero’s mouth. As soon as he looked up his face softened at the sight of Y/N. “Are you feeling alright?”

The paled skin and clear look of discomfort on his face where answer enough for the manager. Silently They placed a tin and bottle of water onto his desk.

Opening the tin Yaku was greeted by an arrangement of fruit. He quickly picked up the utensil from the side of the tin and started to shovel the fruits into his mouth. Y/N smiled to themself seeing him more relaxed than he had previously been.

Yaku looked up at them, words fall from his mouth quicker than he could think them over “Thank you, Y/N. I love you.” To Y/N it seemed like he hadn’t even realized what he had said as he went straight back to eating.

“Of course, Yakkun.” They muttered leaning down to place a kiss on his cheek. Although they walked out too quickly to see the red flame filling his cheeks.

Number Two: Sleepy Confessions

The second time Yaku muttered the words “I love you” Y/N was after he suffered yet another sleepless night.

He could count on one hand the hours of sleep he managed to catch last night. No matter what he tried he just couldn’t manage to peacefully fall into slumber.

He’s movements were lagged, and his receives were off. Despite all this no one commented on how he was in fear of irking him.

An all to familiar knock rang at the door. Y/N walked in to make sure the lingerers of the team where finishing up. A look of soft concern was thrown to Yaku, but they decided not to press the matter right now. He was still getting changed after all.

Although that didn't stop them from sliding a coffee across his desk where he laid with his head down once again.

“Yakkun? Can you drink this for me?” He peered up at his manager in front of him looking at him with a sympathetic smile.

He nodded with a small smile, cracking the can open and taking a sip. “Did you not get enough sleep last night?” they frowned.

“I just couldn’t seem to fall asleep is all...” He looked down into the can almost as if it would magically wake him up more.

“Alright, I’ll see you at lunch Yakkun.” they stood up from the seat they had previously resigned in and ruffled his fair. His leaning into their hand didn’t go unnoticed and resulted in them smiling to themself.

Lunch came quickly much to Yaku’s enjoyment as he found himself surrounded by his friends. He also found himself significantly more drowsy than he was just a few hours earlier. The coffee Y/N had given him doing seemingly nothing at this point.

“Yaku-senpai you look tired are you okay?” Lev questioned.

Yaku sighed shaking his head slightly, taking another bite of the onigiri in his hand. Soft eyes fell upon him and small hands gestured towards him.

Quietly he shuffled and his head found its way onto their lap. A sigh of content managed to slip past his lips as he started to drift off. Lev stifled a giggle as Y/N sent a glare his way, a silent warning to let Yaku sleep.

Nimble fingers found their way into his hair. sifting and lightly tugging in hopes of allowing him to rest peacefully even if it was just for a few minutes.

Yaku muttered a few words of affirmation to continue their ministrations. In his lulled state he mumbled daring words causing all but Y/N to freeze.

“Mmm... I love you...” A small contented smile plastered on his face.

Number Three: Rushed Confessions

The third time Yaku confessed to Y/N it was pouring down rain and he had forgotten his umbrella.

From inside the gym the rain sounded more like an army coming to attack than the thunderstorm that was correctly predicted for today.

A loud laugh resonated from the opposite side of the gym where Kuroo sat next to Y/N and Kenma. He stared at the group with admiration in his eyes, although he cleverly masked it with faux annoyance on his face. “Stop being so loud Kuroo.” He shunned.

“Awe don’t be mean Yakkun.” Y/N teased playfully, “C’mere doofus.”

Yaku trekked towards the group and placed himself next to Y/N. Without saying anything they wrapped their arm around him and pulled him towards their shoulder where he placed his head.

After a few more minutes Kuroo and Kenma left, the former holding up his umbrella for the two in hopes that the latter’s game wouldn’t get ruined.

So there the two sat. cuddled together as the rain pounded down atop the roof of the gym. Neither made any effort to move. If you where to ask either of them they would have quickly dismissed their staying. A readied excuse of “oh we forgot our umbrellas so we’re just waiting out the storm” at the tip of their tongues.

For Yaku it wouldn’t be a lie. He hadn’t heeded the warnings of the storm from the news broadcast early on in the morning. He had a long walk and it would be even longer with walking Y/N home to insure their safety. And what gentleman would he be if he didn’t offer his umbrella to protect them from the rain. So instead he opted for sitting with them in the quiet gym.

For Y/N it was as from from the truth as possible. They always kept an extra umbrella in the club room for situations just like these. And even if they didn’t they could have just asked Lev if they could have their umbrella back so they could make the journey home without threat of water in their hair or coat. But instead they let the white lie slip past their lips in hopes of spending time with Yaku.

Thirty more minutes past and the storm wasn’t letting up. Both were getting antsy from sitting so still. “Serve me a few?”

Y/N turned towards the boy sitting next to them. They hesitated, their serves have never be great and they worried that Yaku would be less than enthused when he saw how poor they truly were. “Okay.”

So they grabbed the ball bin from the closet and started. The serves weren’t the greatest but Yaku received every one. In stark contrast to the last time he haphazardly confessed his feelings for them. It was after a rather bad serve that Yaku let it slip once again.

“Man I love you..” He mumbled to himself as he watched Y/N sheepishly rub the back of their neck. a light blush dusted their cheeks, not from fudging the serve but because they had heard him. But he didn’t need to know that.

Number Four: Angry Confessions

The fourth time Yaku confessed he hated it. He hated it cause he hurt them and that’s the last thing he would have ever wanted to do.

It wasn’t uncommon for a teenager to go on dates. Yaku understood this but he couldn’t help but get angry when they happily gushed to some of their friends that Washio had asked them out.

He didn’t hate Washio. In fact at one point he would have said they could have been friends. But hearing the person who he had been so infatuated with called him Washio-kun lead every feeling of friendliness to leave his body. Instead being replaced with something he couldn’t describe. Kuroo could however, and he would describe it as pure, unadulterated jealousy.

Yaku wouldn’t come to terms with his jealousy until he was trying to have a conversation with Y/N but they kept checking their phone every few minutes. He had no way of knowing if they were texting Washio. In fact they were actually texting Bokuto about how while they appreciated the sentiment of Washio’s offer ultimately they turned him down because they care deeper for someone much closer to them.

Of course Yaku didn’t know this though and the buzzing of their phone was only making him more angry. And when they giggled down at heir phone, a look of admiration in their eye’s he snapped.

“Why do you keep texting him so fucking much?” shit.

“What?” The abrupt outburst startled them and as their phone clattered against the table Yaku realized he shouldn’t have said anything. But at this point he couldn’t stop.

“I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you keep fucking texting him!” Tears brimmed their eyes and threatened to spill at the harshness of Yaku’s words.

“Yakkun wait-”

“No.” He huffed “I can’t stand seeing you so fucking excited about Washio when I’m right fucking here.” They both were crying now.

Y/N didn’t know where Yaku’s words where coming from. He seemed happy when they had first told everyone that Washio had asked them out.

Yaku didn’t know how they weren’t able to notice the tight lipped smiles that he wore whenever they brought him up. How could they completely miss how much he cared about them. How in love with them he was.

But by the time Yaku had gotten out of his head Y/N was starting to walk out of his bedroom. “W-Wait! Y/N!” He scrambled up in an attempt to stop them from leaving.

They wanted too. They really did but they didn’t want him to see that tears that streamed down their face knowing how they would effect him. So they kept walking. “Wait please!” He panicked. He never wanted to make you upset. “Please... I love you...”

Number Five: Letter Confessions

It had been a week. A week since he had yelled at them. A week since he had hurt them. He knew they wouldn’t speak to him. He didn’t blame them for it. He couldn’t text them . It wouldn’t feel as sincere as he wants.

So he did the next best thing. He wrote a letter. A letter detailing every feeling he felt for them. He poured out his heart and soul and hoped that it would be enough for them to at least forgive him for lashing out.

After several hours and several crumpled papers later, he entrusted the safety of the letter in the hands of their favorite first year. Much to his own displeasure.

When Lev appeared in the door frame of their classroom the other students whispered about the silver giant awkwardly looking for Y/N. When he spotted them, his face lit up and he shuffled his way towards the back of the room.

He quietly placed the red letter onto their desk. Anyone watching the scene unfold would have assumed the letter was from the first year. But they knew better, they recognized the lettering of their name atop the envelope. It wasn’t the first time Yaku had decided to apologize with a letter.

They sighed opening the envelope carefully, they would add it to their collection of letters previously sent. The apology was standard at first. Exactly what you’d expect when your best friend screamed at you for reasons unbeknownst to you.

The second half of the letter caught their attention though. No longer was it an apology but instead a confession. Yaku had written out exactly how he felt about his best friend simply ending the letter with “I love you, Yaku.”

Double Sided Confessions

Quickly Y/N forced themself out of their chair grabbing their bag and the letter running towards Yaku’s class.

“Morisuke.” They breathed out standing in front of him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Shut up already” They rolled their eyes and did the one thing they could think of doing. The one thing they’ve thought about doing for three years now. They kissed him. And he kissed them back.

“I love you too, Yakkun.”

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