doiesfav

[shrekgogurt]

Hello! Long time no see. Thank you for all the tags in my absence. True blue adulthood has been kicking me in the proverbial balls. (Being overworked and underpaid and forced to engage in power struggles with other people’s children leaves very little time for creativity.) EDIT: okay I just got back from my second job and this one student made me laugh my ass off so I like kids again. Also, I forgot my headphones so I’m writing this to you from a very dismal bus ride since one of the only things keeping me sane is listening to the Anne of Green Gables audiobooks on my commutes. (You really gotta romanticize the mundane if you’re gonna survive in this world.)

And because of the Anne Shirley of it all, inspiration is striking every once in awhile. I’m writing, I suppose. Progress is incremental and I’m sorry there’s been such a lapse between IKABIKAM chapters. This one is very intense and I’m plagued by self-doubt and lack of motivation.

Allow me to indulge in a meaty WIPsday. I bring to you two excerpts relating to two songs that are heavily inspiring me for this chapter. One excerpt is Baz. One excerpt is Simon. But do not be fooled, the songs are for both of them at different times. The common theme? ANGER.

The View Between Villages (Extended) by Noah Kahan

The road turns from asphalt to cobblestone as we pass definitively back in time. The moat. The ramparts. The inner gate. It doesn’t evade me that Snow avoids looking at one thing for too long.

Memories flood my vision, haunting the Great Lawn with dozens of mirages. I breathe them in—all the feelings, all the Sunday afternoons, all the petty fights and words I wish I’d never said. They pass by, but refuse to land in the past. Not while we’re still moving through it.

Seventeen Going Under by Sam Fender

I stare at a portrait of a young Davy Cadwallader. Seventeen. Full of fire. No blood on his hands yet. The glossy picture frame glares my reflection back at me. My thin frown is shrouded in shadows of my father—a pair of sad, angry eyes split between us. I think about how punchable his face is and then how half of it’s my own.

It’s a marvel that Baz is the one with a permanently broken nose.

@artsyunderstudy @brilla-brilla-estrellita @bookish-bogwitch @captain-aralias @cutestkilla

@emeryhall @excalisbury @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @forabeatofadrum

@hjartasalt @hushed-chorus @iamamythologicalcreature @ic3-que3n @ineffable-grimm-pitch

@j-nipper-95 @larkral @letraspal @lookinforavampire @martsonmars @messofthejess

@mitranian @monbons @moodandmist @mooncello @ninemagicks

@onepintobean @palimpsessed @prettygoododds @raenestee @rbkzz

@rimeswithpurple @roomwithanopenfire @theearlgreymage @theimpossibledemon @thewholelemon

@urban-sith @valeffelees @wellbelesbian @youarenevertooold @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[heavensoutofsight]

all i see is green - [billie eilish x reader]

synopsis: billie is the lovely college student who lives in the same apartment complex as you. you don't interpret her friendliness as anything other than just that; being nice for the sake of being nice. but her true motives eventually slip through the crack, and the both of you find yourself playing a dangerous game.

tags/warnings: college student!billie x older!reader (they're exactly ten years apart - reader is 32 and billie is 22), milf reader basically, reader is a single parent, neighbors to friends to not quite lovers, mutual pining, sexual content, angst

word count: 3.2k

author's note: sorry this took so long omg. so happy to finally get this out as it has been plaguing my mind for weeks lol. please mind the warnings! hope you guys enjoy. notes and reblogs are always appreciated <3

It started off completely innocent.

Billie was such a kind, selfless young woman. That was your first impression of her when she moved into the apartment just below yours. You'll never forget that fateful day, when you were struggling with carrying groceries up the stairs, your pregnant belly making the trip up to your complex more challenging then it should've been. But then, seemingly out of nowhere, Billie had pulled up, her backup slung over her shoulders, coming back home from classes. Without even giving you the choice, she helped you carry the plastic bags up the stairs. She even offered to help you put them up, but you knew she had more important things to tend to, like assignments and studying and whatnot, so you politely declined. Before she left, she smiled warmly at you, the corners of her deep blue eyes crinkling as she did so. She told you her name, Billie, and ever since then you never forgot it.

“Goodbye, Miss ____!” She had said, waving cutely at you. You waved back, endeared by her thoughtfulness.

It was a normal, neighborly thing for her to do. You didn't expect that interaction to blossom into anything more. Occasionally, you ran into each other at the convenience store, or maybe at a coffee shop, where you two would briefly talk – you'd talk about how work was going, and she'd rant about some school project or some annoying thing her professor did. Whenever you were speaking, Billie would maintain eye contact, nodding and listening attentively, and it only made you like her more. She was respectful, genuinely funny, and wise beyond her years. You enjoyed those moments of small talk between you and her; and for a while, that was it.

Your conversations with Billie became more frequent, however, some time after you gave birth to your daughter. You'll never forget Billie stopping by your apartment to meet her, completely enamored by her. You could tell Billie loved kids; she was a natural with them. It warmed your heart to see your daughter wrap her small hand around Billie's finger, staring up at her with big doe eyes, ever so curious.

Billie came by often just to check on her, and you didn't mind it one bit. Every time she stopped by, the two of you would talk about everything and anything under the sun. Despite the fact that Billie was only twenty-two, and you had just reached your thirties, you had so much in common with her, and talking to her was so easy. She was becoming a true friend, one who always listened to you, helped you, and supported you.

At some point, Billie had offered to help with babysitting on the nights when you wanted to hang out with co-workers or had some important business trip or work meeting. You trusted Billie completely, and when she first asked you, you didn't even hesitate in telling her yes. You knew your child was in good, loving hands. You paid her handsomely for her work, even giving her a key to your place for emergencies or other special occasions. You were so touched about the fact that although Billie was busy enough as a college student, she was willing to make herself even busier if it meant helping you.

You hadn't felt true support like that in a while. You had friends, and you knew they cared for you, but they were busy with their jobs, not to mention they didn't exactly live close to you. On top of that, they had families and spouses. You were single and always too tired to do anything with them. There were some days where all of your schedules would align and you'd be lucky enough to do something, but the older you got, the more you found yourself just wanting to relax at home and be lazy. It started to get to you after a while. You felt like you were missing out. On what exactly, you weren't sure.

Loneliness was a bitch, and it started eating away at you. You remember coming home after a long work meeting, feeling particularly miserable about your social life; but when you opened the door, you were greeted with Billie, who was cooking dinner in your kitchen, your baby presumably sleeping peacefully in her crib. Billie had smiled at you when you opened the door, and this time, her smile did something to you. It made you feel warm all over. And the fact that she had made you dinner, probably knowing that you'd be too exhausted to cook upon coming home, just made you more touched.

You ate dinner with her and talked about random things like you always did. You talked for even longer than normal, until the sun had long since dipped past the horizon. You were sipping on a glass of wine (because Billie had claimed that it looked like you needed some, which you laughed at), while Billie sipped on some lemonade. You both were sitting comfortably on the couch together, leaving some space between the two of you.

It was fine, perfectly fine and totally casual, until you started getting a bit tipsy. More emotional. You were ranting to Billie about how lonely you were. How no one seemed interested in you anymore. How insecure you had become after having your baby.

Billie just silently listened, holding out her hand. You took it, without thinking. She held your hand firmly, rubbing her thumb across the back of it. The gesture made you melt. You didn't even realize she had scooted closer to you as you were rambling. Her leg brushed against yours.

Suddenly, Bille had gently taken the wine glass you were holding out of your hand, placing it on the table, effectively silencing you. With watery eyes, you looked at her, slightly puzzled. Her icy blue ones were full of sympathy and pity for you. She then moved one of her hands to cup the side of your face, where she gently caressed your cheek.

There was a small voice in the back of your mind that was yelling at you to stop her. But something was keeping you from doing that. Something stronger that took over your entire being.

“You have me, so you're never alone. I will always give you the appreciation you deserve.” Billie spoke softly, her eyes never once leaving you. What she said next almost had you breathless.

“Can I show you how much you mean to me?” She asked, biting her bottom lip. You looked down at her mouth as she did so, the feeling of desire completely overwhelming you. You had to rub your thighs together when you saw a smirk slowly grow on her face, her bottom lip still caught between her pearly white teeth.

You wanted to resist. You wanted to be the bigger person and not cave in. But the alcohol in your system clouded your judgment. You weren't thinking about the possible consequences that would come with hooking up with her. You were only thinking about how much she wanted you, and how much you wanted her.

When you didn't speak for a while, Billie knew that it was because you were contemplating what to do. She knew you were fighting yourself and that you just needed a little push. And push, she did.

“Please, baby,” she begged. “Let me show you. Let me help you forget everything that makes you sad. Please.”

The way her eyebrows furrowed, the way her voice sounded as she pleaded to you – it was the final straw.

Without any warning, you closed the distance between you and her. Her plush lips were as soft as they looked. You could taste the sweetness of the lemonade she drank on her tongue. This was wrong, so wrong, but it felt so right.

That night, Billie followed through on her words. You weren't thinking about your pathetic life or your stupid boss. You were only thinking about how good her fingers felt in your pussy. She curled them just right, hitting that spot inside of you that made you see stars. At some point she had gotten on her knees, devouring you like you were her last meal. You had to keep a hand over your mouth the entire time as to not wake your sleeping baby.

She had already made you cum on her fingers and was determined to make you do it again on her face. You were so close – your hands were buried in her long hair as you felt the tension building within you, threatening to snap. You felt tears run down your cheeks at how good it all felt. You hadn't felt pleasure like this in months. Not even your own hand could make you feel like this – like you were on another fucking planet.

But – your daughter must've gently stirred in her sleep, because she had eventually woken up anyway, right as Billie was about to make you come undone.

When the sound of your daughter's cries fill the room, you had completely snapped out of the carnal lust that had overtaken you. A realization washed over you like crashing waves against the shore.

You quickly pushed Billie away, standing up and picking up your pants that had been haphazardly discarded.

Billie wiped her mouth, getting off the floor and standing alongside you. “Want me to take care of it?” She offered, referring to your crying baby. You immediately shook your head.

“No. Billie, you need to leave.” You said sternly as you pulled up your jeans.

Billie seemed confused upon hearing your words, her eyebrows drawn together. “But… I wasn't done-”

“It doesn't matter. Please, go.” You told her, not even sparing her a glance as you stormed off toward your bedroom, where your daughter’s cries could be heard. You could hear Billie’s hurried footsteps behind you.

“Wait–” You heard her say, but the plea fell on deaf ears. All you were concerned with now was comforting your child.

When you approached your baby’s crib, you scooped her into your arm, bouncing her gently. After a couple minutes, she eventually calmed down, resting her head on your shoulder as you cradled her.

Billie stood in the doorway, watching you soothe your child.

“Can we talk about this for a moment?” Billie asked, her arms folded across her chest. You still had your eyes locked onto your daughter's watery ones. She was mostly quiet now, resting her head on your shoulder. It took every ounce of courage to turn around and face Billie, but eventually you did, finding yourself unable to look directly into her eyes that were filled with hurt and desperation. Her hair was slightly ruffled from when your fingers were buried in it just moments before. You made the mistake of glancing down at her lips, fighting against the strong urge to kiss her senseless again.

“Sure,” you replied, voice unsteady. “We can talk.”

“Great.” Billie said, fully entering your room and closing the door. She sat on your bed, still staring at you intensely. You continued standing by the crib, holding your daughter close. She was still awake, sucking on her thumb.

“Why are you pushing me away all of a sudden?” Billie asked, getting straight to the point. She didn't sound angry; instead, you heard confusion and sadness in her tone.

“Because I just… had some sense knocked into me and I couldn't let it go any further.”

“Why? What… what does that even mean?” Billie asked.

“Billie, you're so young. You deserve someone closer to your age. I'm a single mother with a lot of fucking baggage and I don't want you to feel tied down by me.” You admitted.

Billie scoffed. “I don't want someone my own age. I only have eyes for you. And the fact that you have a kid doesn't bother me. I'm literally babysitting for you, for fuck's sake.”

“Billie–” you started, letting out a sigh. You cut yourself off as you felt your arms getting tired. Glancing down at your daughter, you noticed that her eyes had fallen shut once again, and you were glad you could finally put her down. You gently placed her back in her crib, laying her down on her belly. You watched her for a few extra seconds to make sure she stayed asleep before moving to join Billie on your bed. You made sure to keep a small amount of space between the two of you.

“Billie,” you continued. “Trust me when I say this. You have a bright future ahead of you. I just want you to make the right choice. I think lust might be clouding your judgment–”

“I don't only have lust for you. I like you. So fucking much. I want to be in your life, and in your daughter's life. I'm old enough to know what I'm getting myself into.”

“But you're only a college student, Billie. You've got your own responsibilities, and I've got mine.” You responded.

“Baby, listen. Please.” Billie said urgently, grabbing both of your hands. “Be honest with yourself. When's the last time someone made you feel this special? Wanted? Loved?”

As much as you hated to admit it, you knew what the answer was. It had been ages since the last time you were in any kind of fulfilling relationship. The last person you were romantically involved with was the father of your kid, and only now that you were out of the relationship you realized how much it lacked. There was no warmth; the two of you just stayed together for the sake of your baby, because you both foolishly thought that having a child would repair your broken relationship. It obviously didn't.

“Billie… I…” you quickly realized that you couldn't give a proper response.

“I meant what I said earlier. I want to give you all the appreciation in the world. I want to be the one that makes you laugh. The one that makes you feel fulfilled.”

You felt a stinging sensation in your eyes, your vision beginning to blur a bit, tears threatening to spill. Everything that Billie was saying – you wanted it more than anything. But you had to make the right choice, as much as it killed you.

“I can get fulfillment elsewhere. From someone else.” You told her, but the words came out with a hint of uncertainty in your voice, like you didn't even believe what you were saying. Truthfully, you didn't.

“I'm sure you could. But you don't want someone else, do you?” She asked.

You fell silent, refusing to give Billie an answer; but Billie knew what that silence meant.

“You want me just as much as I want you, and you can't admit that.” She spoke for you. It was like she was reading your mind; hearing your inner-most thoughts that you were far too ashamed to say out loud yourself.

“What are you afraid of?” Billie continued. “Judgment from other people?”

“I'm not afraid of anything, Billie.” You lied. “I'm just doing what's best for both of us.”

Billie looked at you with an expression that clearly revealed that she didn't believe anything you were telling her. But at this point, you didn't care if she believed you or not. You just wanted her to leave; even just her scent was driving you crazy and you couldn't stand her body being this close to yours anymore.

“What's best for both of us? Really?” She said, and you could hear in her voice that she seemed exasperated, growing tired of trying to convince you.

“Okay, then. I'm going to give you a choice. If you want me to leave, then I'll leave, and we'll go back to being friends. But if you want me to stay… then I'll stay, and we can pick up where we left off.” Billie said, her voice lowering ever so slightly. Earlier, you pushed Bille off of you before you could cum a second time and you were still feeling that ache between your legs, even more so now seeing Billie's hungry stare as she brought up your little moment on the couch; but fortunately you had enough self-control to not give in to Billie's offer.

“You should go.” You replied. The words came out strained, like it physically hurt you to say them.

Billie seemed taken aback, stunned into silence, but her face quickly morphed into an expression of acceptance.

“Okay. I'll go. I respect your choice.” She said softly. She was about to get up and head to the door, but not before leaning in and placing a kiss on your cheek. Feeling her lips on your skin set you aflame, and you wanted nothing more than for those lips to kiss you everywhere else, but once again, you fought against your desires.

She walked to the door, but before opening it and leaving, she told you: “If you ever change your mind, just call me.”

You didn't even look at her. “Goodnight, Billie.” You said coldly.

Billie gave you one last intense stare, waiting for you to cave in at the last minute – but when you just continued staring at the floor, not even acknowledging her presence anymore, she finally opened the door and left, shutting it behind her.

That's when everything broke for you, the tears beginning to freely fall, your sniffles and quiet sobs filling the room. You laid down, burying your face into a pillow to muffle the noise, your sleeping child completely oblivious to everything that just transpired. You felt ridiculous, crying over a relationship that hadn't even fully blossomed. You didn't even know why you were crying– you had told her to leave, and she did, respecting your wishes. You tried to tell yourself that her leaving was a good thing, and yet you weren't feeling any better. Billie had said that you could just go back to being friends with her, but you didn't even think that was possible. You had already fallen for her, and there was no way you could go back to hanging out with her casually without thinking back to the way she kissed you, the way she always made you feel that stupid fluttery feeling in your stomach, the image of her face between your legs, staring up at you like you were a goddess.

That's when you remembered; you were still aroused, even though you were crying into a pillow. That annoying ache was still making itself known, only made worse by your brain making you relive what happened in your living room.

You rolled over onto your back, wiping your eyes dry and letting out a tired sigh. You unbuttoned your pants, getting out of them completely. Your hand then found its way past the waistband of your underwear, where you rubbed your clit with clumsy fingers. You weren't nearly as precise as Billie. You also weren't that wet anymore and it didn't even feel that great but you just needed a fucking release. You closed your eyes, thinking about the sensation of Billie's tongue on your folds and the way she gripped your thighs. You thought back to the way her fingers filled you perfectly. With those images in mind, it didn't take you long to finally reach your peak, keeping your other hand over your mouth as you rode out your orgasm.

You laid there afterward, breathing heavily, your eyelids feeling as if they weighed a ton. The last thing on your mind before you succumbed to sleep was your lovely neighbor, Billie. And to think it all started with her helping you with fucking groceries.

(author's note: sequel?? maybe??? 🤔)

[hydn-jpg]

hydn-jpg's choices art dump #1

hi hello ik i havent posted like at all but honestly i was kinda going through it lmao. also, artblock. i didn't like most of what i was drawing so i spent a lot of time not drawing and did other stuff instead (mostly reading other ifs but i've also been putting some hours into fields of mistria haha). still, i wanted to post something so i picked out some stuff that i've either abandoned or left unfinished (+ some blurbs abt them)

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[cop - noel rose, trystan thorne] - i drew this in february and was gonna post it for valentines but idk. i liked the concept but i don't feel like i executed it very well, it just feels kinda meh. will probably redraw it one day.

[loa - zach westbrook, joaquin morales] - gave up on this one bc i couldn't get joaquin to look like joaquin and it made me sad

[dls - hyun lee, charles king] - idk

[... - cas harlow] - i saw a post a while ago that said artists could literally draw whatever they want and like. yeah. we really COULD draw anything we wanted. so i drew cas doing the rickroll. why? BECAUSE I CAN DRAW ANYTHING

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i might do more art dumps in the future! i have a lot of stuff i don't finish/abandon so it might be nice to showcase them like this (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

[heartorbit]

the star you've longed for

[killerslowpoke]

02-09-23

[solarockk]

catching up with Gem secret life serie

[passionartx]

Crawling out of my social media hiatus to post a distorted, pixelated lil doodle of Tails 💛✨🥺

[[ Mini Update: Am working on planning a month in advance for the @sonic-tangled-au so I’ll have things ready if my health takes a nose dive again! Will try and put an update out soon once I’ve got things planned out abit more! Hopefully this method will work more then trying to dive back into things and life and health getting in the way again! In the meantime will be trying to post here alittle more to ease back into social media slowly :) 💛) ]]

[icantdothistodaybruh]

yea sooooo I may have or may have not watched and instantly rewatched all kuro musicals in existence in a spawn of one week and now have roughly 40 screenshots to redraw from

I think I might be insane or something

[biblically-accurate-dca]

super disorganized sketch page because i do what i want

[witchkittymeow]

Shes finally here!

I'm really proud of those heels idk how I managed to balance her so she stands

Shelf:

I'm running out of space SO fast

[protectorcraft]

what is the schrsto au (if u can speak on it).... stares at u with my wide curious eyes

hmmmm............................ wuelll i suppose i can speak on it now that its not. 6am.

ramblin under the cut lol

schrsto au (shorthand name) takes place ehhhhh about a year or so after the defeat of the king. everyone's in post game, more or less! the four saviors (mira, odile, siffrin, and bonnie), alongside nille and amber (a cat) have been traveling vaugarde for awhile now, and return to dormont at the anniversary of The End Of The End Of The World to regroup and discuss their next plans- whether theyll continue traveling together, split up for the time being, where they should go, etc etc you get itttttt

of course, once they arrive in dormont, things are going great! foooor about. two days. then things start getting weird. the group gets oddly tense and anxious, weird things are happening around town (have been happening since they left a year ago, apparently), and now nille's friends are behaving strangely.

siffrin's been zoning out more often and for longer stretches, mira's getting paranoid, bonnie refuses to set foot in the house, and odile of all people is having fairly frequent nightmares. nille- the only one unaffected by this (besides the cat)- decides to see if she can do something to help.

in her scouring for solutions, however, she manages to accidentally dig up something that should probably have been left buried. things proceed to spiral out of control from there.

extra little notes: - bonnie is almost always wearing the cape. they like it because its cozy and it makes them look like frin and belle! - siffrin's a bit more distant after they beat the king. it's not a severe change in behavior, but it's notable. he seems to be more nightmare and hallucination prone, and will sometimes zone out for short periods. It's Probably Fine. - amber was a stray they found upon revisiting jouvente. her collar led to a locked, empty apartment and the group came to the conclusion that her owner abandoned her while trying to flee the curse. bonnie proceeded to beg their sister and odile to let them keep her. - when it didnt work initially, mirabelle and siffrin chipped in their thoughts. and by chipping in their thoughts i mean siffrin bombarded them with nonstop cat puns until they gave. - nille and siffrin get along like a house on fucking fire. it's deeply concerning for everyone else. theyre banned from going on adventures alone together. they do it anyways. - mirabelle's just started to properly unpack her situation with attraction, with the help of siffrin of course. it's been going far slower, but growth is a process ya know? - odile had read the familytale she borrowed front to back 3 times by the time they left dormont initially. it's been returned, but now shes on the hunt for a new one. - nille had a crush on mirabelle for awhile, which petered out after mira came out to the group. now she has one on odile. shes being so normal about it. - the group has been tutoring bonnie collectively so they dont miss out on their education. which is to say its mostly odile tutoring them and the others being wildly unhelpful. - nille and bonnie are amber's favorites. siffrin is her least favorite. (lmao)

[mikartisa]

best girl love of my life

[liauditore]

new suicide squad anime got me thinking about the genderbend batman au i made when i was 16 again.

extra (nsfw??? body horror + shirtless doodle lol) art under the cut + drabble.

A mysterious actress appears in Gotham!

Production for the long-anticipated remake of the 1930s classic horror film, "The Clay", is saved in part thanks to the audition of one woman with no credits to her name, just a face and demeanor identical of the late leading actress of the original film.

However, the cast and crew have bigger worries than their limited budget and endless demands from their producers -- everyone involved seems to be disappearing one by one!

While the average gothammite worries that the cult classic's "cursed" reputation might be a little more than an urban legend, The Batman refuses to entertain such unfounded silliness and aims to get to the bottom of this crime against cinema!

presenting BATMAN '63 - THE RISE OF CLAYFACE coming not actually ever lmao

(her hair is brown now because I like the idea of her appearance never being fully consistent lol. shapeshifters gotta do their thing)

[somerandomcockroach]

@keferon OKAY BUT LISTEN YEAH I would loved if it was just fun ehehehe and sassy flirting with the demon no one sees pfffht, literally summoned a demon just to flirt with, and I guess it could have been going for a long time, just little strips with their funny adventures and then plot can go to the fact that he wants to give him a body and Shockwave would agree or that they just stay the way they are and just hang out like this together (Alo I remember that you wanted to put Ratchet (I keep writing Ratched instead of Ratchet buuuh) and Drift in it as another demon and their summoner thing whghweghgwe but I like how you made two separate stories for them that happen at the same time, okay I am actually PRETTY MUCH invested in this story, I like a lot how it goes and gets tangled and how mixes up with idw ideas and other stuff a lot)

BUT NOW that you changed it that way, you made a few more things that reader might be interested a lot in, like that promise he made and you mentioning that he will regret it, how their relationship progressively develops, plus the fact that Blurr was a frivolous slob gifted with dark magic AND how the tables turn upside dow and he get consequences for what he did in the most unpredictable way for him and how he surely changes in his behaviour, getting more and more concerned about his promise and maybe truly loving someone for the first time in his life and wanting to change something. And then figuring out that that same demon actually was a person before, someone he knew, someone respectable, kind, shiny, absolut sun of a person, who died (I am still on my knees waiting to know how exactly he died...) miserably to the point that he absolutely can't stand his life as a demon and NOT EVEN being able to kill himself!!! And Blurr was a pupil in his school, he saw him, he gifted him an ability to make his magic work for him, gave the freedom to live among everyone to all who was poisoned with this dark magic. OH WAITA HGSDHAG the thing that beastformers can't walk among transformers and the fact that dark spellers also could not, and how these events happen at a close times, OKAY so dark spellers got their kind of freedom thanks to Senator Shockwave (OH MY GOD what if Orion can see Shockwave and will recognise him right away COUGH) BUT I am wondering if beastformers will get some kind of an official declaration or some kind of school to be educated in and I wonder if Deadlock/Drift (I think after leaving he will change his name from the last episode...) will volunteer to be a teacher t be something more, or he will just end up with Ratchet wandering around the world, or maybe there will be a whole damn revolution where all monoformers and beastformers leaded by Drift go against the system, and maybe these events happen at the same time as a Senator Shockwave fighting for the rights of gifted... Okay I'm getting carried a little bit ahsghag excuse me... OH I GOT carried away A LOT I wanted to get back to the point that Blurr, now figuring out the past of Shocwave, dealing with all the events, dealing with what he has done and find a way to free them, at the same time STILL having adventures and fun since I'm sure he can be a good mood lifter to moody Shockwave and even see him in a really good mood since he is... well, not just a demon made of hatred but the wonderful kind of person in his previous life... (okay being carried away but what if Orion might declare the freedom to beastformers (AJHGAJHSDJAH OH MY GOD I IMAGINED JAZZ AS A PANDA HAVING A ROMAN WITH PROWL AND PROWL NOT KNOWING ABOUT IT OKAY SORRY) after seeing what it lead to after Senator Shockwave. And maybe Ratchet will be able to get his sign back freely after revolution will be successful or he will be forever blind just to be free and safe with his husband OKAY LISTEN I think it is obvious that I really like the thing you do....

[marragurl]

Suddenly getting the intense urge to rewatch all of the SerVamp anime was not on my 2024 bingo card- but here we are folks

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3