#it's been over a year since i've touched the piano

[paynomindtothedeadbodies]

on music, art, and dreams

dead poets society // laufey, letter to my 13 year old self // joseph-marius avy, bal blanc // mitski, because dreaming costs money, my dear // william hunt, gladys // megan agnew, interview with hannah neeleman (ballerinafarm) // mary macomber, an instrument of many strings // jefferson chalfant, the old violin // mitski, because dreaming costs money, my dear

[keyotosprompts]

we were somewhere else *ੈ𑁍༘⋆

established relationship dialogue prompts

⇴ "were you thinking about eating that?" "yes... why? wait. you were planning on eating it, weren't you." (and they still end up giving their partner a share of their food)

⇴ "really? we've been together for [x] years and you're still worried about that?"

⇴ "wait–why didn't we hear anything about this?" "you and person b were in your own little happy, coupley, rainbow-sunshine world!"

⇴ "okay, let's put the laptop away. we're going to bed."

⇴ "i feel awful. like literal death." "that's why i told you to always wear a jacket. now you've caught a cold. now let me take care of you, babe."

⇴ "no, i'm not doing that," and they do it anyway.

⇴ "your feet are freezing!" and they jolt when their partner's feet touches them.

⇴ "sometimes i don't know what i would've done if i haven't met you. it's like i need you, because if you're not here, it's like i can't even breathe."

⇴ "honestly, i think if you fell over right now, i'd laugh." "would you help me up?" "i suppose so."

⇴ "you've had me since day one. i know i like to say that you're entranced by me, but i've always been marveled by you."

⇴ "i miss you, will you come back to bed?"

⇴ "why are you trailing your fingers across my face?" "just wanted to admire you. you're really cute, did you know that?"

⇴ "out of everyone in my life, you're my person–the most important one. nothing tops you."

⇴ "did you use the last bit of my shampoo?" "technically, we both used it all–y'know, when we showered together–" (a pillow is thrown)

⇴ "this combined playlist is really mid, and i think i know who ruined it..." "do not slander chopin right now." "it's piano music mixed with rap!"

⇴ "i haven't told you this, but did you know that you inspire me?" "me? are you serious? what have i done to inspire you?" "everything you do for me. all the work you put into your work and your relationships. all those little things: every day, i want to be just like you."

⇴ "you remembered!!" "babe, that's the bare minimum."

⇴ "those could be our kids one day." "what...?" (person b malfunctions bc they've been thinking about kids w/ a for a while)

⇴ "i want a house by the beach. with big windows." "and a good kitchen." "oh of course. way better than ours."

⇴ "so it's going to be like this forever? you and me?" "who else?"

[ghostiiess]

my love mine all mine - a sim jake imagine.

synopsis: in which jake decided to dance with you in his apartment kitchen at 3am while playing mitski’s songs

warnings: petnames (baby, princess)

words count: 954

type: fluff

pairing: !non-idol jake from enhypen x female reader!

author’s note: i wrote this while listening to this song… enjoy the imagine!!

english’s not my mother tongue… sorry if i made any mistakes!

You were just finishing cleaning the kitchen table where you and your boyfriend had eaten earlier in the evening when a small gesture slowly touched your back.

A soft melody you knew so well, Mitski's "My Love Mine All Mine," played in the background, adding a quiet and romantic ambiance to your boyfriend's messy apartment.

- My love...? he said so softly you thought he was whispering.

He turned you around with his hands on your hips, then gave you one of his charming smiles... Then you saw him. His white shirt was two buttons unbuttoned and looked wrinkled. He had probably forgotten to iron it... His brown hair was combed and sprayed so that nothing was out of place. His arms adorned with bracelets and his fingers with silver rings that made you fall in love all over again every time he wore them. His neat black pants, accompanied by his most beautiful black shoes, with his white shirt tucked around the belt, matched him perfectly. If you didn’t know any better, you could easily have thought he was straight out of a Cinderella movie: Jake looked like a real prince..

- Jake?

He made a face at you. He hated it when you called him that… His hand moved, letting his fingers take your left hand before spinning you around like a princess in a romantic movie, then letting go as if he hadn't evacuated the butterflies in your stomach.

- Would you dance with me, princess?" he asked, offering you his left hand, the same one he'd used to spin you around.

At that nickname, you grinned even wider, placed your right hand in his left, and watched as he led you toward the kitchen.

Still holding your hand, he stepped back a little, then moved his right knee on his left side as if he was bowing like a prince. Waiting your turn, you did the same and then saw him smile even wider. His smile was bright, brilliant, warm.

As he twirled you a second time, you saw him take your hand and place it on his hip as he intertwined your hands. As the music continued to play, Jake did a little dance step, then stopped.

- I'll try not to step on your feet...

You laughed softly, then began to dance with him. Your steps, your gestures, your dances were as majestic as swans. You moved with such grace and delicacy that you'd think the piano notes of the song were dancing with you as well.

- Do you remember that song?" he asked, and you nodded without hesitation.

Of course you do. It was the song you and Jake met to. You were studying your physics in the study hall of your school when you saw Jake come into the classroom with a wide-eyed look on his face.

‘Uh, excuse me? Do you know where Miss Catherine is? I've been looking for her since earlier, but she's nowhere to be found...' was the first sentence he said to you, before you realized that you were also waiting for her to explain the exercises. Maybe it was luck, maybe the universe had organized things so that you'd meet, but Miss Catherine had never come to explain the theory to you: Jake had. Things went on, and history was made: a friendship that turned into a love affair that seemed new, but had just passed the two-year mark last month.

- You stayed so long to help me with the theory," you replied, continuing the dance. We stayed so long that we almost got kicked out…

Your boyfriend nodded, then laughed. He twirled you once more, then kissed the palm of your hand.

- You're so beautiful, Y/N. You dance like a princess..

You smiled.

- You're dressed so elegantly, Jakey. I’m in my joggings while you’re literally wearing a prince’s outfit!

He shook his head.

- What are you talking about? You’re dressed just fine! You’re so beautiful.. I love this look on you, it might be my favourite..

While finishing his sentence, his nose moved closer to yours, and then your lips touched, causing the world to stop.

- Your lips are so soft. And...

Before Jake could continue, you rested back your lips on his. His arms moved down your back before returning to his original spot: your hips.

Your noses touched, then you saw the sweet smile Sim Jake had on his gentle face.

- I'm glad we met. I never thought I'd say this, but you're the one who brightens my day when I'm sad and makes me feel the best.

Before you could speak, Jake placed his index finger over your mouth, then shook his head.

- Shh! Let me do the talking, baby.

When he cleared his throat, his hands took yours:

- I want to keep living and dancing with you until our heads turn white and our grandchildren look at us and says ‘even at their age, their love is still strong’.

You couldn't help smiling.

- If you only knew how much I love you Y/N.

- I love you too, baby.

He placed his lips on yours, then turned you around one last time.

- As the song goes.... My love, mine, all mine...

Then, as if magnetized, your lips finished the dance together as the last notes of the song echoed through the kitchen, leaving incredible memories in your heads. It wasn't your last dance, far from it: the next one would probably be at your wedding, with the same song playing in the background, leaving your two smiles as the only source of light.

[cosmiccrushes]

The Potential of a Painting

Solavellan || 2.1k words

on ao3 here!

summary: Lavellan visits the Lighthouse for the first time and finds, upon its walls, something she did not expect.

notes: I'm just obsessed with the idea of the frescoes in the Lighthouse being Solas' venerations to Lavellan. And her having to process that. I cannot stop thinking about it

***

The Inquisitor's boot connects with smooth, flat stone as she steps through the eluvian. 

“Home, sweet, home,” Rook says as they step through the mirror behind her. 

“Is it sweet?” Inquisitor Lenore Lavellan asks, tilting her head thoughtfully at Rook. The idea of Solas having a place, comfortable and safe, to return to after leaving his bloody trail through Thedas stirs her emotions into a muddled brew. Not quite rage, not quite relief. Bitter on her tongue. Telling in the warmth it spreads down her throat, through her stomach. 

Rook shrugs their shoulders. “Eh, it grows on you. Strange to be in a place that keeps expanding and changing as more of us arrive.” 

Strange indeed, Lavellan thinks. That Solas would choose to live in a place capable of transformation when he himself has refused to evolve. She’s heard all about this Fade-touched place from her various reports and letters from Varric. The Lighthouse- where rooms appear to accommodate Rook’s growing team. A place that seems to be made for community, to provide for its occupants. Yes, strange that Solas, who’s chosen to walk his lonely path, would take his rest here. Then again, did the Dread Wolf ever rest? The last decade spent always a step too far behind him would suggest otherwise. Her own restless nights would demand it. 

“So, a tour first? Or,” Rook pauses, “Would you like to see Varric? He's resting in the infirmary.”

Lavellan smiles at Rook’s kindness. It's been many moons since she's seen her dear friend, yet, “Thank you, Rook. But a tour first, I think.” 

Rook nods, sweeping their arm forward. “Right this way.” 

She climbs the steps from the eluvian’s chamber into a wide, circular space. Her gaze is immediately drawn upwards. Her lips part in awe at the beautiful, mysterious contraption spinning in the center of the room. 

Rook is watching her, something of pride in the curve of their mouth. “Yeah, it's breathtaking.” 

“Mmm,” Lavellan hums, rotating in a slow circle, as her gaze hunts hungrily across the low tables and chairs, prowling for signs that Solas was ever here. 

Rook’s voice breaks through her focus. “This is the main entrance hall. We take a lot of our meetings gathered here. The fireplace has a nice ambience for discussing the downfall of ancient elven gods.” Rook shrugs their shoulders playfully. “Since we're already downstairs, let's see the music room first.” 

“Music room?” Lavellan asks sharply, a memory glinting like the edge of a knife before it plunges through her. 

***

“Yes, vhenan, I've been known to dabble in piano.” 

Lavellan stares at him doubtfully. “You? Play piano?” 

Solas gives the tiniest shake of his head and his lips pull at the edges, like he's fighting back a smile. “I've dabbled over the years, yes. Is that hard for you to believe?” 

She leans an elbow atop her balcony, resting her chin in her hand. “It's hard to imagine you dabbling in anything. You seem more of an, ah…” She taps a finger against her bottom lip as she searches for the right word. “A deliberate pursuer of things.” She looks back at Solas. His eyes are fixed on her lips. 

“Ah, yes. I suppose I can be rather decisive in my drives.” His gaze finally lifts to her eyes. “Most of the time.” 

A warmth spreads through her at his words, and she thinks, not for the first time, that perhaps Solas had rather meant to dabble with her. Had stumbled into something far more definitive than he intended.

“Maybe it’s just surprising that you would have a more idle hobby.” 

“I paint, do I not? It is not so far reaching that I might enjoy leisure time with other arts.” 

Lavellan laughs, wide and open-mouthed. “Solas!” She gasps between mirthful breaths. “You don’t dabble in painting. You create-” She shakes her head, picturing the beautiful murals adorning the walls of his room. “Masterpieces,” she says softly. 

Solas stares at her like she’s the sun. Warm and bright, but difficult to look at for too long. He’s always watching her like this. With a reverence and longing that makes her ache. He’s just as likely to reach for her in those moments as he is to turn away, as though afraid she might scorch his skin. 

“Perhaps I can hear you play, when this is all over,” she gestures vaguely at where the sky is torn open, bleeding Fade and demons. 

Solas’ answering smile is brittle and breaking. Like bark peeling off a tree, revealing the growth of something new and harder underneath. Many of Solas’ smiles were like this. It maddened her not to know what they meant. 

“Maybe, vhenan,” he replies, his fingertips reaching to brush gently against her temple, trailing the shape of her vallaslin. It did not feel like the potential of a promise though. More the doleful caress of a decision already made. 

***

“Yep, a music room, complete with a piano!” Rook is saying, striding across the room to reveal a round door in the wall. Lavellan follows them down a long hall, drawing a deep steadying breath through her nose- that she immediately exhales sharply in a quiet gasp as she steps fully into the music room. 

Paint is splashed across every wall. Perilously parallel to the frescoes Solas created in Skyhold. As if sensing the lurking danger, her heartbeat increases its pace. She half expects Solas to look up from one of the armchairs, a book open on his lap, old elven endearments on his lips.  

Rook is saying something, but Lavellan cannot hear over the rushing in her ears. For across the walls, is the story of the Inquisition. Just as Solas once painted it in a tower room that smelled of earth and spice. If she could force her lungs to draw breath, would she be able to smell his scent lingering here? 

“Inquisitor? Inquisitor?” Rook's concern is etched across their brows when Lavellan looks at them. “Are you okay?” 

Lavellan nods slowly. “Yes, sorry. I'm just… taking it all in.” 

“Right,” Rook says with the undercurrent of knowing there's something more to it but being tactful enough not to ask. Lavellan's fondness of Rook grows by the moment. 

Rook leads them from the music room, re-entering the central chamber. “I'll show you the upstairs rooms next. It's amazing- everyone has their own chambers, curated specifically to meet their needs. Somehow, the Lighthouse knows what we'll require.” 

Lavellan's footsteps are heavy on the stairs, her mind tumbling through time. She watches her feet lift from step to step in a detached sort of way. She feels weighed down by the past. A past she didn't expect to encounter here. A past someone did not warn her was gaping open here, hemorrhaging from the walls. 

Color at the corner of her vision catches her attention. She turns her head, footsteps faltering as she crests the landing to the second floor. 

Now she's not just weighed down, she is falling. Plummeting to the bottom of a well where she floats, weightless, at the edge of drowning. One mouthful of broken heart away from going under. 

She spins to look out at the other walls on the second floor landing. Every single one of them is a brutal punch to the gut, a glorious blade to the bone. Like a gift wrapped in rose thorns, beautiful and promising but horribly confounding. 

Solas has painted frescoes here too. But these she has never seen. Suspects they were not made to be seen. Solas filled his empty lighthouse with the ghosts of a person still amongst the living. She swallows hard, forces tears not to fall. Would they be from grief or gratitude? She does not know. 

Every painting depicts wolves, an homage to Fen'Harel, one might think. But amongst the wolves, too prominent to be mistaken as anything but a focal point, is her. Bathed in golds and reds, fiery like the rising sun. Hair flowing long around her, like she used to wear it in moments of refuge at Skyhold. A Dalish charm dangling from her neck in the painting closest to her. Her own vallaslin depicted on the charm’s surface. As if Solas plucked it from her brow all those years ago and enshrined it here.   

Rook’s tour is forgotten. Lavellan makes her own way from painting to painting nestled between doorways, gaping at her likeness. Why? Why has Solas painted her here? All these years he has refused to stand before her- or so she thought. How many times has he stood before her portraits? Are they here for his pleasure or his penance? 

She traces a finger down her face in one of the murals. Her hair is flowing around her in this one too. Her hands clasped around the hilt of a sword at her chest, its blade pointed to the ground. A large wolf, his head tilted back in a howl, sits at her feet. She lays her palm against the wolf and a single, strangled sob chokes out of her. 

“Uh, Inquisitor?” She remembers Rook is with her. They are looking back and forth between her and the mural. “Is that you?” Rook asks, bewilderment permeating their question. 

“Yes,” Lavellan states plainly. 

“Oh,” Rook’s head bobs up and down. The upward slant of their eyebrows indicative of how baffling they find this development. “Varric never said-” 

“I’d like to see Varric now.” Lavellan cuts them off, offering a gentle smile to soften her bluntness. 

“Of course, sure, yes.” Rook’s head is still nodding. “Over here.” 

Lavellan exchanges pleasant greetings with Varric, waiting until Rook shuts the door behind them as they exit. Then she turns to Varric and demands, “Why didn't you tell me?”

“Ah, I take it you saw our very own little museum to the Inquisition.” Merriment dances in Varric’s eyes. 

“Varric,” Lavellan says, exasperated with his response. “There are paintings of me everywhere. Maker’s breath, why didn’t you tell me they were here?” 

Varric sighs. “I thought it was best for you to see it for yourself, Lenny.” 

She softens at the nickname. “I suppose I might not have believed you if you’d written to me about it.” 

“I do love a good joke,” Varric smiles dimly. “Although, I’m not sure that would have been a very amusing lie.” 

Lavellan sits on the edge of his bed, taking care not to disturb his injuries. “Then why are you so amused?” 

“Because, Lenny, don’t you see? He can be saved.” Varric says it with a conviction that presses on her heart painfully. 

“Varric, I don’t think-” 

He interrupts her with a raised palm, before she can begin the same argument they've had for the last decade. It's not that she doesn't want to save Solas from himself- that had been her own steadfast conviction ten years ago. But with every body he dropped behind him, every instance he avoided a confrontation with her, Lavellan felt him slip further away. He didn't want to be saved. The Dread Wolf had chosen, and his choice had not been her. She had to choose too. If she could not save him, she would stop him. 

“I trust my gut on this one. I’m right. Chuckles can be pulled back from the ledge, whether he knows it or not.”

“He stabbed you!” Levallen exclaims. 

Varric sighs again. “And I’ll be pissed at him about that when I see him next. But first, you need to knock some sense into him.” 

“Me?” She huffs an incredulous laugh. “Varric, he didn’t listen to me eight years ago. What makes you think he’ll listen now?” 

“Those are veritable venerations to you out there,” Varric implores, pointing at the door, the faintest tinge of vexation in his tone. “That’s not the work of a man who’s given up on what he really wants.” 

“Or perhaps it’s the graveyard where he’s laid to rest the wants he refuses to have,” she says darkly. “Besides, he is trapped in the Fade now. It hardly matters.” 

Varric studies her intently. “Doesn’t it? Do you really think he'll stay quietly locked up there forever?” Varric pauses. “Is that where you really want to leave him?”

“Damn you.” 

“All the way to the Deep Roads if you like, but I’ll still be right.” 

She smiles at her oldest friend. “You really think I can reach him this time?” 

“I think,” Varric says slowly. “He’s spent his last lonely decade painting your portrait to fill the emptiness around him.” Varric softens, voice dropping to a low murmur. “Those paintings aren't a cemetery, Lenny. They're his salvation.” 

Lavellan sinks. Slips beneath the cold, calm surface of her hope. Chokes on a lungful of potential. Varric takes her hand gently in his and squeezes as she weeps for a painting and what it might promise.

[d-criss-news]

Darren Criss Says Maybe Happy Ending Is a ‘Phantom-Level’ Spectacle

If you'd asked Darren Criss years ago what his dream stage role was, “Hedwig was it,” says the Golden Globe winner. Well, Criss did perform the title role in Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Broadway in 2015. So in the decade since, what is his new dream? Answers Criss: “If I'm being really honest, it's being able to originate something that hasn't been done on Broadway yet.” So, you can say his newest Broadway project, the new musical Maybe Happy Ending, is another check off the bucket list.

When speaking to Criss about this show in July, he hadn’t yet started rehearsals. But he spoke about the musical with a palpable excitement—after all, it is the first original musical he’s done since his days with the musical theatre company he co-founded, Team Starkid. In recent years, the Emmy winner (who rose to mainstream fame after starring in Glee and The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story) has done mostly revivals on the stage, such as Little Shop of Horrors and American Buffalo.

----------

But to Criss, the particular pleasure of doing something like Maybe Happy Ending is the opportunity to utterly surprise the audience. “​​Being part of something this original is always a bit of an exponential curve,” admits Criss. “It's always a tough climb at the beginning, because people might not have an instant familiarity with it. But I think that it pays its dividends real soon, once they see what they're in for.”

For Shen, though Maybe Happy Ending follows robots, it touches on deeply human questions—both Helperbots are nearing the end of their lifespan and so they must decide if they want to take that emotional leap to make a connection, even if it means they might lose each other. “It feels like there's a ticking clock at the end of it,” she says. “And so, they're a little bit forced to live life to the fullest while they have this opportunity to do so.”

It’s not just the show that’s new. This is Shen’s Broadway debut. While Criss has over 15 years worth of experience under his belt, Shen is a relative newcomer. She was born and raised in New Jersey; her parents immigrated from Shanghai to America. They both play the violin, passing down their musical aptitude to their daughter, who grew up playing piano. She graduated from the University of Michigan (Criss’ alma mater) in 2022. Though she is still green, Shen’s credits are impressive: This year alone, she starred in the Off-Broadway musicals The Lonely Few and Teeth—both of which were favorably received. “I suppose, in a way, it feels like arriving,” Shen says with hesitancy, as if she doesn’t want to spoil this lucky year. “I think it's a cautious arrival. It's so wonderful and such a blessing and gift to be working with this particular team.”

Criss met Shen during her final callback for the show, which was a chemistry read with Criss where they sang a song together (though years earlier, Shen had attended a master class Criss held at the University of Michigan). More recently, the two have quickly bonded over being trained musicians who eventually became actors (Criss plays guitar, violin, and a bevy of other instruments). 

When it’s pointed out that he’s now effectively a Broadway veteran, Criss exclaims (to the giggling Shen), “I cannot fucking believe it. That sounds so twisted, like so Twilight Zone. To me, I've always been the youngest, like, I was always the kid.” But then, he brings it back to his co-star, which he does multiple times during the interview saying, “She'll kick so much fucking ass. That's one of my favorite parts about being in this, I get to forever now be part of the inevitable rise of a young star.”

It’s not just talk. Criss recently had Shen perform multiple songs at his music festival Elsie Fest. When asked what they’re excited for in Maybe Happy Ending, Shen’s answer was getting to sing the score. “The uniqueness of the sonic world—the music is so ethereal, and it's so gorgeous,” she enthuses. “The music feels so beautifully understated, but also, it's orchestral and sweeping. And not to mention, the people who are already attached to the project are people that I look up to in my own career so much.”

There is the assumption that because the show has a chamber musical sound, and it has four cast members, that it’s a small show. Think again, teases Criss: “It's four people, and the story is a ‘smaller’ story, but it has really, really big ideas.” So much so that in July, Maybe Happy Ending announced it would be delaying the start of previews by a month, citing supply chain issues that prevented crucial components of the set from getting to the theatre in time.

Though, Criss admits, “it sounds like we're covering up some nefarious reason.”

Laughs Shen: “We had to clear our beef.”

“Yeah, our beef,” smiles Criss. “Supply chain delay sounds like, kind of made up, but it's literally that.” Though he can’t say much more about what this intricate set design entails, other than it will utilize “cutting edge technology” to match its robot protagonists. As he excitedly puts it: “We're talking [Phantom of the Opera] level of production. This is a spectacle…I can categorically say that this will be something that you have never seen the likes of before on a Broadway stage.”

[irishais]

word search tag game: rough, yellow, glass

tagged by: @summonerluna

tagging: @angelosearch; @tr1ck5; @msstarlight and gently handing you the words charisma, piano, salt.

rough, from flowers grow over my grave, an edea pre- and post-possession thing that i've been picking at on and off since 2022 apparently, and that i totally maybe just added a couple hundred words whoops.

She is on the floor, cheek pressed into sturdy carpet that can only belong in an institution-- Balamb has the same hideous neutral gray high-traffic stuff, rough against bare feet and rougher against the delicate skin of her face. Edea groans, shifting slightly.  Her feet move, her hands. Her body responds like it’s swimming against television static, cold and aching and unforgiving to both nerves and bones alike. “--Matron? Are you okay?” Someone’s voice, cautiously offered into the space above her hair, someone’s hand, cool against her shoulder. She flinches against the touch slightly, and leans back into it a second later, when the world sinks back into something like reality, when she can place the voice, the touch, the office. Squall Leonhart gets her upright, and then into an office chair with unyielding padding along the armrests. She digs her nails into it, breathing slowly. 

yellow, from an untitled seifer/squall thing about ghosts

The orphanage still sits approximately where it had been since before they were born, but in the year following the second sorceress war, Squall and his friends had pooled their resources, and with Edea’s permission, had razed the original, long-failing structure to the ground, building a modern, two-story Dolletian-style beach house in its place, with enough bedrooms for guests, for children, for whatever Matron and Cid chose to do in their golden years. The paint is still a bright, sunny yellow; the windows gleam like they were freshly washed not all that long ago. The garden is still an explosion of color and scent as they ascend the last bit of the rise, and Squall stops for a second just to look at it.  He doesn’t know what he expected, but somehow, he hadn’t expected her plants to still be blooming, especially in the baking heat of a Centran late spring, wildflowers of every color and roses clambering up trellises and archways where there used to be broken stone columns.  “It’s still--” “Yeah, I don’t know how long it’s gonna last.”  Seifer probably does, though, keener than Squall would ever be able to divine. There’s magic here, so much of it pouring out of the ground and the air that he feels like he could reach out and scoop it up.  But the Cape has always been like that, a place of power. A place lovingly tended to, manifested through the will of a sorceress who had been nursing her powers since she was five, and long after she had given them away. He wonders if he would have needed the GPS in the boat at all, if he’d known it would still feel like this to him, someone with no innate magic, just a failed knighting in his bones.  To Seifer, it probably feels like a goddamned homing beacon.

glass, from "the fall and where we'll land." apparently i was on a seifer/squall succession bender at some point whoops.

The wind whips around them, violent as Pandemona’s limit break, rain beating down razor-sharp as broken glass, and all Squall can think is that they’ve been here before.  They seem to always come back to this, don’t they? Standing across from each other, waiting for someone to make the first move? He feels naked here, without Lionheart in his hands, defenseless, exposed.  But he’s not unarmed, because a SeeD, by nature, is a weapon.  He’s been here before. Faced this threat before.  They’ve all been here before, staring down something maleficent and monstrous.  Seifer Almasy standing on the edge of the Galbadia Hotel’s roof, in a battered gray motorcycle jacket and ripped denim jeans, blond hair whipping around like a tornado, hardly looks monstrous, not at first glance. But Squall doesn’t have to be right up on him to see the gold taking over green in his eyes, gaze sharp as a hawk. Doesn’t even have to pick out the silver-black whorls on his temples, cascading down high cheekbones, to know he’s too late. (As if the unnatural storm weren’t enough of an indicator that something has gone deeply fucking wrong, as if the source magic being pulled out of the atmosphere isn’t electric enough to draw every dark hair on Squall’s arms to full attention.  A sorceress, by nature, is a weapon, too, though, and he has to force the thought away, because this is still Seifer, regardless of what he’s become.) He just wishes this time that it weren’t on top of a Deling City skyscraper, because the wind keeps threatening to push him off his balance, to send him careening to what would undoubtedly be a really unpleasant ending.

[bellesdreamyprofile]

chapter 9 - 1950

CECE MARTIN

"I've also finally learned how to play the guitar, because my daddy let me take some classes. He first wanted me on the piano, since it's apparently more 'ladylike' than the guitar. Anyways. You know the song I told you about? That's all right? I was thinking the song could be guitar only? It's not completely ready yet, because I was thinking you could add your personal touch to it. I can't wait to show it to you. My step siblings, my stepmother, my daddy and I are gonna visit you in Tupelo! Isn't it exciting? Like I said in the other letter, I'm not planning on leaving you again. We can finish the song together and we can finally be a duo! We have to think of a name—"

"Cecilia, please tell you ain't writing to that boy again?", I dropped my pen at my daddy's voice. I looked over my left shoulder and found him looking at me from the door, nothing but a disappointing look on his face. I gulped and made up a lie.

"I-I was writing to my mama—"

"You're stuttering, Cecilia.", he stated the obvious. "That means you're lying. Quit behaving like a child, when you obviously ain't one no more.", I hated the way he said those words. Lecturing me for something so innocent, for doing something that brought me peace and comfort. 

Writing to Elvis has been like writing into a journal. An activity that relieved me from the stress that's brought into my day to day life. The stress is very subjective. What's stressful to me is definitely not stressful to my daddy. I know that as a twelve year old there is no way that my life has reached a stressful point yet, but I feel like the pressure and expectations that people have of me, are what cause that heavy feeling at the end of a day. 

That feeling of being too much and being not enough at the same time.

However, knowing that I'll be seeing Elvis, his family and my mama in less than 24 hours gives me comfort. I've packed extra heavy, because I won't be leaving Tupelo again. I was planning on staying with my family.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your destination is only ten minutes away. Please remain seated, until—"

I silently squealed in my seat at the announcement. That was it. I was going to be finally home. I would be reunited with my mama and Elvis and I are going to be spending some quality time together. Again. Though the thought of being apart for so long made me slightly angry; but the excitement was unmatched.

"You excited to see your mama, Cece?", Matilda asked me. I remembered the way she used to talk to me and seeing that we're now civil to one another, I'm glad for how far we've come. I understand that me joining the family all of a sudden must have not been easy on them either. Though there is someone who still hasn't accepted it fully.

"She's excited to see that boy from her letters, Tilly. Her mama is the last person she wanna see now.", Clara leaned against Matilda to look at me. I rolled my eyes at her words and looked out of the window.

"It's none of our business.", she said. "I'm actually quite happy we're somewhere else for a change. The California heat was killing me."

Clara raised an eyebrow. "I'd say it's the perfect weather. We've got the beach—", the two of them kept bickering about Mississippi and California as I gently closed my eyes at the feeling of the warm sun on my skin. 

I thought of our small house and my first encounter with the Presleys, smiling a little at the memory. My thoughts moved on to Elvis, the Little Prince and his treehouse. I wondered if it was still intact or if he even used it anymore, since Elvis was no little boy now. I quickly thought of his age and felt my cheeks warm up at the realization that he was now 15 years old. 

He must be really tall now. And a high school boy. He's probably in that phase where boys get all gross and stuff. What if he doesn't wanna be my friend anymore?

What if he doesn't want to sing anymore? 

"Let's go.", we rapidly stood up and grabbed our bags before getting out. People seemed in a rush today, making me wonder if everyone was excited to get home too. We dodged some carts and quickly moved to the luggage section, now waiting for ours. My father caught sight of his and moved to retrieve it. I looked at Matilda, who smiled at me and then at Clara, who was mindlessly chewing her gum.

Matilda moved closer to me. "Who's the boy you've been writing to?", I froze at the sudden question. "You don't have to tell me. 'm just a lil' curious.", she quickly added, making me breathe out.

"He, uhm, he's just my friend.", I said, smiling a little. "We met when my mama and I moved in the neighborhood.", I continued and chuckled under my breath at the memory of meeting Elvis for the first time.

"He must be that good for you to be smiling like that.", she nudged me with her elbow as I felt my cheeks redden at her assumption.

"He's just my really good friend...", that was the first time I had said that out loud and it definitely felt different than when I admitted it on paper.

Matilda smiled, noticing me deep in thought. "Tell me about him.", she said, making me look at her in surprise. "Only if you'd like.", she added once again. I smiled at her kindness and sighed, wondering where to start.

"Well, his name is Elvis.", I initiated, blushing a little for no reason. 

Matilda nudged me again with her elbow. "Uhh, never met anyone named Elvis. Alright, alright. Continue."

I laughed a little at her words and agreed with her. "Me neither. Anyways, Elvis is two years older than me. His hair is brown and his eyes are blue.", I finished and looked at my stepsister, who had a huge grin painted on her face.

"What?", I asked, since it seemed like she wanted more.

"Oh, c'mon, Cece, tell me about his personality. By what you just said he sounds delicious—"

"Tilly!"

"Okay, okay, sorry. But, what about his hobbies? What is he like?", I raised an eyebrow at her questions.

"Why the sudden interest in someone you never even heard of?", Matilda scoffed at my words.

"Ah, is it a crime if I wanna know more about the boy you've been writing non-stop to?", she asked, crossing her arms on her chest. I blushed, shaking my head.

"It's not non-stop.", I muttered under my breath, failing to fight back. Matilda grinned and looked at me expectedly.

"So...?"

"The last time I saw him was... Four years ago.", I concluded as sudden realization hit me. "He's probably changed by now... But, uh, Elvis was my best friend. Always helped me out, always made me laugh... He actually taught me how to read.", I said, feeling a knot in my throat at the memories I shared with Matilda. Though when I looked at her, her smile was soft and kind, encouraging me to keep going.

"He read me The Little Prince in his treehouse and his mama made the best cookies."

"He a mama's boy?"

"Oh, yeah.", I laughed at Matilda's question, glad that my sad blanket was lifted off of our conversation. The love that that boy felt for his mama was like no other. He had no shame in showcasing it either and that was something I always admired.

"Elvis always wanted to sing and dance. Like for real. And we, uh— We made this silly pact many years ago. That we'd sing together as a duo.", I revealed, though I shook my head at how silly and childish it sounded.

"Well, I don't know how your man sings, but girl you've got the voice.", she laughed, patting my shoulder. "When daddy ain't home I can hear ya sing in your room. And you've got a beautiful voice."

"Wow. I-I don't really know what to say.", I stuttered out and looked up at her. "Thank you.", she just winked at me and let her eyes wander around the airport. The buzzing noise, the rolling of the suitcases and the chatter from the people, weirdly brought me peace. I also took notice of the people rushing out with their heavy suitcases. Where was ours, though?

"I know you're writing him letters, but, uh, does he do the same? Like, do you ever get an answer from him?", Matilda's words made my thoughts still. I'd been writing for four years and for four years I never received an answer from him. I couldn't say it didn't hurt, because it certainly did. I considered him to be my best friend and someone I looked up to. To this day I wonder if he was hurt by an action I had no control over, but something in me kept telling me that Elvis wouldn't believe his first instinct. Something in me kept telling me that he knew the truth. Very deep down.

"Uhm, no, he never replied to my letters, no. Why do you ask?", I looked at her and noticed her carefully look around, before she turned back to me.

"Listen, I-I don't know what I saw the other day... But—", Matilda looked around again, making my brows furrow.

"What?"

"The other day... I was looking for some supplies— for school you know, and I walked into daddy's office and found a box.", her voice quietened. "I-I took it, thinking it's the things I needed and found some closed envelopes. Stacks of them, Cece. Now, I-I don't know if those are—"

"Elvis' letters.", I concluded lost in thought. She looked around again.

"I-I don't know for sure... But if those are from Elvis..."

"He's been writing back.", I finished, feeling the lump in my throat and my feet particularly heavy.

"GIRLS!  Your bags!"

The drive to Tupelo was mostly silent. My daddy was driving and sitting in the passenger seat was my stepmother Naomi. 

She was a genuinely kind woman who married a man she didn't know was already taken. It wasn't her fault since my mama was the other victim that fell for my daddy's tricks. Either way, Naomi and I never really hit it off. We were civil to one another, of course, however she knew nothing of my silly dreams or my favorite color. And that was okay. I didn't need to feel that close to her. I didn't want my heart to replace my mama with her.

I was sitting in the right seat in the back, beside me was Clara and on the other end was Matilda. My eyes wandered out of the window in a daze as Matilda's words kept ringing in my head. Stacks of letters. Stacks. How could I have doubted Elvis even for a second? He cared and wrote back. My thoughts shifted in an other direction. How have I never asked my mother if he had been sending me anything? I didn't know whether I should bury the sudden anxiety and anger and to live in the moment or face my father and his lies.

I sighed as my fingers toyed with a bracelet I received for my last birthday. Though the more I looked at it the more I hurt on the inside. Small pearls with little details of gold. I glanced at my father and then back at the piece of jewelry. As my mama was fighting everyday to give me a safe and happy childhood, my daddy was off with another woman in search of a better future for himself. And himself only. I know it was wrong to think of someone in that way — especially when it's a parental figure, but he kept proving me wrong all over again. The lies, the scolding, the commanding. It was overwhelming.

"Daddy?", Clara called, making me blink quickly and readjust in my seat as I was slouching uncomfortably.

"Yes, darling?"

"Are we there yet? I'm bored.", she pouted, making me roll my eyes at her whiny tone.

"Seems like we're pretty close.", he answered with a chuckle. "Cecilia, anything you recognize?", for the first time a question was aimed at me. I sighed and looked out of the window. The sight made my heart burst as happiness started to invade my body. The familiar houses Elvis and I would walk past to get to school, the trees that seemed to touch the infinite the sky and finally at the end of it all: my little home.

"Yeah, I know this path.", I smiled a little as I took notice of a new house.

"Ew, why are these houses like this?", more words that made me lose hope in humanity.

"I think it's lovely.", Matilda nudged me with a small smile, which I gladly returned. I moved my gaze once again and noticed we were in front of my childhood home, though something felt off — despite the endless peace radiating from it. Once the car was parked, we walked out and were immediately welcomed by curious stares.

"One bag each, c'mon girls.", my daddy said, but something didn't feel right. It was too silent and no smell of freshly made cookies lingered in the air. I immediately made my way to the Presley home, knowing that my mama was having her coffee with Gladys. I knocked, taking notice of my sweaty palms. I quickly wiped them against my cotton dress and looked back at the door, knowing more.

"Ain't that my Cecilia?", I turned around at the sound of my name and smiled at Alberta. Gladys and my mama joined her little book club a long time ago, however I never had the chance to properly get to know her. Mostly because Elvis and I ran off as soon as we were finished with our homework.

"Alberta?", the woman smiled back and walked towards me, pulling me into a welcoming hug.

"Oh, child.", she patted my head. "How long has it been? Ten years?"

I chuckled at her. "Four years I think.", she pulled away, but kept holding my hands.

"Four years and you're a woman.", Alberta smiled, making me reciprocate sweetly. "Look at you.", she complimented again.

"You're too kind.", I blushed. "You still look the same. Still beautiful.", she laughed at my words and swatted me away.

"Lil' ol' me. What can I say... Though I have been using a new product for my skin and—"

"Cece? You there?", I looked to my right and noticed Matilda approaching me. She smiled at Alberta and extended her hand.

"Hello ma'am, my name is Matilda.", Alberta looked at me and then back at my stepsister.

"Ain't no way— You're sisters?", her gasp made me laugh a little.

"She's my stepsister, yeah.", I winked at Matilda. "Anyways, Tilly this is Alberta. Only the owner of the best book club in Tupelo."

"Hi darlin'.", she shook her hand. "So y'all visiting ol' Tupelo, huh?"

"Well, actually we're here for my mama."

"And Elvis.", Tilly added, making me blush a little.

Alberta smiled and then looked at the Presley door. "Oh, lawd.", she said lowly and pressed a hand to her forehead.

"Oh, Cece, your mama is not home? You think she's here?", I nodded at Tilly's words.

"Should be here with Gladys drinking coffee.", I said and knocked again.

"Oh, child, you ain't telling me you know nothing.", I turned around and noticed Alberta's face fall. My heart broke a little at her words.

"Know what?", Tilly asked for me as my words seemed caught up in my throat.

"Well... Mr Presley got a promotion last year... In Memphis.", and those were the words that made my eyes well up with salty tears. "The Presleys moved... And your mama chose to move along."

I looked down and sighed, not letting my tears roll down. 

I was stronger than that.

"She thought you were never gonna come back to her."

I'm not so strong anymore.

"I'm sorry sweetness.", Matilda wrapped an arm around my shoulders and nudged my head with hers.

"I thought your mama was writing letters to you, darlin'", I nodded and brushed a tear away. 

"She never mentioned Memphis... Maybe the letter got lost in the mail or something... I-I don't know—", more tears fell down as my throat closed at the heaviness of my words.

"It'll be okay, Cece.", Matilda murmured. "We'll find them."

And I was alone all over again.

A/N: thank you for reading! hope you're enjoying the story so far! I hope you've had a good start into the new year xx

index chapter 10

[itsmalachitenow]

MORE CHUCK HEADCANONS!

You guys seemed to really like my last post, so I'm sharing the other headcanons I've gathered for my personal take on Chuck since then. Get ready for angst!

Chuck did, in fact, hit Gus with the Ghost Train. It was an accident, and to this day he's incredibly broken up about it. Gus, on the other hand, isn't nearly as upset about being dead. He will, however, use his death to guilt Chuck into doing things for him because he knows just how awful Chuck feels about it. Any time Gus wants a new game system or toy, if Chuck isn't too keen on getting it for him, Gus will just bring up that Chuck ran him over and now he's stuck here, and Chuck will look utterly miserable as he climbs into his wheelchair to leave the Ghost Station.

Chuck is very talented at many different types of instruments, including but not limited to: piano, trumpet, saxophone, violin, harp, french horn, clarinet, cello, and oboe.

He can also sing very well. He is a baritone.

Chuck's true full name is Carlo Toscanini. He prefers the Chuck nickname, though, because it sounds like a train noise. He likes train noises!

Because he's been alone for so long, Chuck is incredibly self conscious about needing any kind of help because he's disabled. Especially when he's in his chair. The idea of being helped and not having to do it all himself is completely foreign to him, and he absolutely abhors the idea of needing to rely on someone else to help him do what he sees as 'basic things'. He would rather struggle by himself than swallow his pride and ask a loved one to get involved.

Related: If you touch this man's wheelchair without asking him first, he is going to run you over with it.

Chuck will never finish his 'magnum opus'. He is a perfectionist, and hasn't had what he considers a 'good' piece in decades because he's constantly going back and changing them, never satisfied with the results. Even if he does finish a musical composition or opera, he will always find some fault with them afterwards and not want to dwell on them. Being alone for so long with no real audience for his works other than Gus (who doesn't really understand or care as much because he's a kid) means he's his only critic, and he will always be his worst critic.

Chuck makes his own coffee and is a total snob about drinking anyone else's. It tastes like diesel, but it'll keep you awake for three days straight.

This man does not have a consistent schedule for anything other than 'work'. Food, sleep, self care, all of it comes second to his job and to his music.

He has chronic insomnia, and horrible nightmares whenever he does drift off to sleep, so Chuck prefers to just keep going for as many days as possible until his body physically cannot stay awake anymore.

Because he's lived so long, Chuck can barely remember any of his early life, and that terrifies him. He remembers the name of his hometown, he remembers he had a father who was a conductor, but everything else is a blur. He can't remember his parents' names, their faces, whether he had siblings or not...those memories are gone forever, and Chuck will never get them back.

His biggest regret is not saying goodbye to his family the night he left to join the Train.

Chuck is also terrified of going back to his hometown, because he knows it will be entirely different from what little he remembers. If he never returns, he can always pretend it's still the way he was when he left it, and ignore the gravity of his choice to join the Ghost Train.

Because he's scared he'll forget other things, Chuck is a compulsive journaler. He writes down the day's events, no matter how trivial, and gives a massive amount of detail about every person he interacts with. He only started doing this about a hundred years ago, once he realized he couldn't remember his family anymore.

Chuck has a small apartment in the Ghost Station. It's small and cramped, but it's a place for him to stay when he's not working, and also for any lovers or loved ones to stay if they're 'living' with him. He has a room entirely dedicated to all of his journals, though the manner of sorting them is known only to Chuck.

[leftoverenvy]

Tastes Like Sugar (ch. 29)

Summary: India Mae, or Indi, is a music major, struggling to pay bills, tuition, work, and make good grades.  Emily Prentiss is a BAU profiler, as well as a DC socialite thanks to her huge family fortune.  The two enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement: Emily will pay for Indi's school if Indi accompanies Emily to her social functions for a few months, posing as her girlfriend.  As weeks go by, the lines between their arrangement and their true feelings start to blur.  But money can't buy love, right?

Pairing: India Mae Banks x Emily Prentiss; OC x Emily Prentiss

Warnings: smut; sugar baby relationships; age gap (16 years - but all over 18)

Word Count: 2.8 k

Read on Wattpad | Ao3 | Previous Chapters

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @5raysofsunshine 🌮; @reidselle 🦭; @swiftfiles 🐝💚; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @sadgirlml 🌻💌; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness ; @madelineleong ; @scorpsik 🎨 ; @heidss

A/n: Wow, I am so so sorry that it's been so long since an update.  I've finally found my joy in writing again.  If you're still following this story, I cannot tell you how much your patience and loyalty means to me.  Enjoy <3

Chapter 29 - Wayward

My summer with Emily was like a dream. She had only been gone on two cases, spending more regular hours in the office. We didn't comment on her unusually light case load for fear it would jinx it. I loved the time we were able to spend together with a more normal schedule. I enjoyed twisting myself around her while we watched movies on the couch. I relished the way she made me feel as she watched me play the piano. I yearned for the way she touched me every night.

Even though she had been gone for a case in Alaska for the last week, I still counted it a blessing to have had so many weeks uninterrupted by calls away. "Hi angel!" I startled, jumping halfway off the couch.

Once I had caught my breath, I smiled widely and responded, "Emily!" She flopped down next to me on the couch, pulling me in for a proper kiss. "Missed you," I mumbled between kisses. Once our frenzy had slowed down, I whispered against her neck, "I have something for you."

"That's funny, me too!" She whipped out a keychain with a photo of the Northern Lights in it.

I chuckled, sitting up to grab it and examine it more closely. "This is actually very pretty, Em. I thought these were supposed to be cheesy."

"I thought the Alaskan landscape deserved better. It was gorgeous up there; I wish you could have seen it."

"Thank you, babe. I love it." She kissed my cheek, tugging me closer.

"Now," she started, "What's this about a present for me?" I smiled bashfully, suddenly nervous to play the song I had finished for her. "I thought I was supposed to bring you presents."

"I didn't say it was a present. It's not a big deal. Just a lil something."

"Mmhm," she hummed skeptically, her eyes narrowing. "Show me." Something in Emily's glittering eyes told me she was excited by the prospect of receiving a gift. When was the last time someone had gotten her something that she really wanted?

I reluctantly left her arms and stood up. Butterflies swarmed my stomach, nerves overtaking me. This was a bad idea. I should have recorded her song and let her listen to it on her own. I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet – she was going to hate this.

"I've uh," I nervously sat down at the bench, "Been composing this summer." I had worked all summer on this composition when Emily was out of the house.

"I know, baby. You've done some really great pieces."

"Yeah, well." I swallowed thickly. I tried to think of what to say next.  I thought you deserved one to show you how much I love you.  Instead, I whispered, "This one's called 'Emily's Song.'" Before she could say anything, I started playing.

As soon as I pressed down on the keys, my hands knew what to do. I didn't need to think about it, muscle memory controlled my fingers. I felt myself start to tear up playing, knowing just how much love I had woven into this song. I wished I was brave enough to tell her. Embarrassed by how emotional I was, I begged my eyes to suck the tears back in, certain Emily would be appreciative but not emotional. 

As I started the last part of the song, I knew that I would never love anyone like I loved Emily Prentiss. But the thought terrified me. I was only twenty-two – what did I know about love? And how could she feel even a fraction of what I felt for her?

When the final notes of the song rang through the air, I couldn't bring myself to look at Emily, far too embarrassed. I heard her sniff and then push herself off the couch. Another beat passed and I felt her arms wrap around my shoulder. "That was perfect, Indi. Thank you." She pressed a kiss to my temple, her lips lingering longer than usual. "I mean it, angel. No one's ever written a song for me before. It was absolutely beautiful."

Her lips trailed down the side of my face, lingering at the corner of my mouth and until I turned my head to kiss her back. She deepened the kiss and trailed her hands down my body to show me how much she liked the song.

- - -

Emily and I fell back into our morning routine as if we hadn't broken it during the summer. I made us breakfast as she packed her go bag for work. We ate in silence, as she read on her iPad. Breaking the quiet, she asked, "Are you ready for your first day back?"

"I guess," I responded morosely. "I liked our summer together. I liked being able to focus on music and you. No math or English essays to worry about." Emily chuckled at that, moving her dishes to the sink. 

"At least you have a good first recital piece ready."

Puzzled, I asked, "Which one?"

"My song," she said, beaming with pride.

I narrowed my eyes with uncertainty. "You really think it's good enough for recital?"

"Yes I do," she affirmed. And her voice was so confident, it left no room for objection. "This will be your best semester yet!" she said positively. 

"But how can I be expected to do homework when you're home if your case load keeps up like this?"

"Are you pushing for me to go away on a case?" she asked with a smirk.

"Absolutely not!" I protested. "I'm just saying, it will be hard to concentrate knowing you're home."

"We'll manage, angel." She kissed me on the forehead and moved to holster her gun to her hip. My heart skipped a beat staring at her; she made everything look sexy. "I'm off to work now. I'll text you if I'm called away." She leaned down to kiss me briefly. "I want to hear all about how your first day goes! I'll call you if I'm away, or I'll see you tonight."

"Bye, Em." When the door to the garage closed softly behind her, I sighed. I wanted to get to campus early so I could get a good seat in class. I quickly did our dishes, grabbed my backpack, and hurried out the door.

But life had a funny way of balancing itself out. I had had the best summer of my life and was already disappointed to have to go back to classes, just to receive the worst welcome back to school present: my car broke down. I called Emily in tears, worried that I was going to start the semester off on the wrong foot with my first professor.

I dialed Emily's number with shaky hands, feeling the passing cars shake mine as they zoomed past me on the highway. I wasn't sure how Emily understood me through my hiccups and tears when I told her I was stuck on the shoulder of the highway.

"Shhh. Calm down, baby. It's going to be okay, I'll make all the arrangements. As soon as we're off the phone, I'll call a tow company to come get it and take it to the shop." I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, tears abating, thankful, as always, for Emily.

She continued, "In the meantime, baby, just drive the Lexus – the keys are by the door." I felt my heart rate elevate at the thought. "Or, if you'd prefer, you can Uber over to Quantico and pick up the Jag."  Pick up the Jag.  She said it so casually, as if driving one of her very expensive cars did not cause me extreme anxiety.

"No I do not want to "pick up the Jag!" Emily, what if I crash your car?!" I felt my face go hot at the thought, palms starting to sweat in anxiety. "You love all of these cars and they're so expensive and I'm not on your insurance!" I rushed out.

"Breathe Indi! It's just a car. And you don't have one right now. Please, take whatever car you want. Or Uber everywhere – I'll put more money in your account for it. Is that what you'd prefer?"

"No!" I nearly shouted. I took another deep breath, trying to keep in perspective that this wasn't Emily's fault and she was just trying to help. "I-" I exhaled into the phone. "I'm sorry," I deflated, "It wasn't fair to blow up at you like that. I appreciate you letting me drive the Lexus." 

Sensing the storm was over, Emily said, "I'm only sorry I can't see you drive it." I could almost hear the smirk in her voice. "I'm certain you'd look damn sexy in that car."

I chuckled and swiped at the remaining tears, embarrassed I had cried so much in front of Emily. "We'll see if you still say that when I ding your Lexus," I half joked.

"Like I said," her tone more serious, "It's just a car, angel." I paused, unsure what else to say. Her voice was calming though – she calmed me. "Look, I've gotta run. I promise I'll send a tow truck, but Uber home and grab the Lexus so you aren't late for class, okay?"

"Okay," I said softly, tears welling back up in my eyes.

"I'll call you later with an update."

"Bye…" And the line went dead.

- - -

Throughout my first class, my thoughts fixated on my car and how I was going to pay for everything. Even though Emily had been paying for most everything the last few months, I wasn't sure I'd be able to afford whatever the mechanic's bill was going to be. 

As my thoughts contemplated every little thing that could go wrong with my car, I missed everything my professor said. I was immensely thankful the first day was always spent going over the syllabus. I'd just have to make sure to read that thoroughly later tonight.

Over the lunch hour, Emily called. "Car's toast and probably not worth fixing."  So much for easing into it, I thought. I sighed deeply. Of course life would throw this at me. Things with Emily were just too good for everything else to be going right. 

"Okay…" I sighed. I mentally calculated how long I could go without a car while I built my savings up again. I also braced myself for having a conversation with Emily later about asking to go back to work; that battle wouldn't be won easily. But how else was I supposed to take on a car payment?

"I'll see you tonight, okay baby? I'm going to make sure to come home early."

- - -

Later that evening, once classes had finished, I arrived home. I was excited by the prospect of Emily coming home early, and I eagerly awaited the garage door opening to see if her car was in the garage. Once the door had raised fully, I counted three cars in the garage…except, whose car is that?  In my spot, where my car should have been, was parked a shiny, new Audi. Panic swelled inside of me. I didn't want to rush to conclusions, but Emily didn't drive Audis. In fact, I had told her it was my dream car. But surely she wouldn't have irrationally bought me a car without thinking about it first.

Not seeing the Jag parked in her spot, I quickly dialed her number as I walked through the door. "Do you like it?!" she asked excitedly.

"So I'm not crazy?" I spit out, trying to control my rising temper. "You did buy me a car?"

"Yes! Do you like it?" she repeated.

"Emily…" I said in warning. 

"Don't make this a big deal, India. I swear to god, don't. This isn't a big deal."

Her flippant tone fanned the flames of my anger. "It's a car, Emily. An expensive one at that." Suddenly, Emily's cavalier attitude on spending rubbed me the wrong way. I had never cared what anyone did with their money; it was theirs to do with as they pleased. But to hear firsthand how dismissive she was about such a purchase enraged me. Especially because she was wasting her money on me.

How could she not understand this? She threw money around like it was nothing. It made me feel like shit, like I was worthless. How could I ever repay someone who gave me everything? How could I ever be enough for her? I had nothing. I was nothing.

She sighed into the phone. "Can we talk about this when I get home?"

Clipped, I responded, "Great." And I hung up. Immediately, I knew I shouldn't have done that. No matter how badly she angered me, she didn't deserve to be disrespected.

I paced the living room waiting for Emily, counting out each step until I lost track. I tried to match my breathing to each tick of the clock on the wall. For forty-three minutes, I tried to calm down, anxious about our impending argument.

But no amount of mental preparation would have helped, because as soon as Emily walked through the door, we started fighting about the car.

"I don't see what the big deal is, Indi. It's a car for fuck's sake." I winced at her cursing during an argument.

"But that's exactly it, Emily! You can't understand why this is a big deal for me."

"Do you not like the car? Is that what it is? We can exchange it for any kind that you want," she offered.

"It's too much! And it wasn't part of the deal!" I shouted at her.

Shock flooded her face and she froze. Softly, almost hurt, she asked, "Do you seriously still consider this just an arrangement?" She spit the last word out as if it left a sour taste in her mouth. "You can stand there and really tell me that you still just see me as an ATM?"

"I NEVER saw you as an ATM, Emily. Of course this is more than being your sugar baby." It still didn't sit right. Rocks settled in my stomach. How could I ever get her to understand? 

"Then what? You think just because I love you that should mean my support should just stop" - she snapped her fingers - "like that?"

Our argument entirely forgotten, "You love me?" I whispered, aching at the thought of her taking it back, but sick at the thought of her really meaning it. I wouldn't allow myself to believe she meant it.

"I-" She blew out a puff of air. "Yeah." Time stopped. My breathing, my thoughts – they all stopped. "I love you, Indi. I am so in love with you."

And for a split second, I almost accepted the car. But accepting this huge gift almost felt like I would be solidifying our original arrangement. I couldn't sort it out anymore. I was overwhelmed by it all. By how much I needed Emily. By how this had turned into something so different than the life I had pictured for myself. I didn't know who I was anymore; I had lost myself in a game of make believe.

Emily couldn't want me forever like I wanted her. Too soon she would realize that I could give her nothing in return. Only then, it would be too late for me. I would be too far gone, too far entrenched in the India Emily wanted me to be, the real Indi never to be seen again.

My eyes went huge at the thought. Who had I let Emily turn me into? Who had I become during this arrangement? And how had I lost myself so quickly? Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. This mansion felt like a collapsing, cardboard box. Emily's affection, once a warm, safe blanket around me, now felt like a noose.

Shaking my head, I turned and ran upstairs. When I came back down, bag packed, Emily hadn't moved an inch. 

I needed distance from this life – from Emily – so I could find Indi again. But who was I without Emily? It had only been six months, and already I had no idea what life would be without her. I had pretended to be what I thought Emily wanted for so long that I forgot who I was. It didn't matter, though. Because if anything was certain it was that I could never be enough for Emily. She deserved so much more than the little I could give her.

I drove quickly back into the city, to Penelope, to my real life. I knocked on the door to what used to be my home praying Penelope was there to greet me. When she opened the door, tears flooded down my face. As I walked through the door, Pen's arms around me, I couldn't help but feel unsettled. I didn't feel at home here anymore. If I didn't fit into my old life, or into Emily's, where did I belong?

Continue to next chapter

[vikenticomeshome]

Cyberchase Character Discussion (for your local Cyberchase trivia quiz) - #3: Jackie

Here we go again. I've made this style of post about Inez and Matt, and now it's Jackie's turn.

#3: Jackie

Let's start with her bio from "Meet the Cybersquad". Again, this almost 25 years old now, so who knows how much of it is still canon.

So, we get our introduction to Jackie. She's smart, funny, has a plan, and is over-the-top. Yeah, that's accurate so far.

For some reason, this page was not in her original bio when they released it in 2001. They went back and added this page later in 2002. This is the only bio that I have seen that had content added like this. This page lets us know that her favorite color is yellow, and she loves tofu burgers. I don't know if the show has confirmed that she is a vegetarian or vegan. She is shown to care about animals, so I wouldn't be surprised if she was canonically a vegetarian.

Her favorite book is one that I hadn't heard about until now: "Walk Two Moons" by Sharon Creech. In this story, the 13 year old protagonist, Salamanca (Sal) Hiddle, goes on a cross-country road-trip to visit her mother. There are themes of coming to term with loss and building new relationships. It makes me wonder if, at some point in development, the show-runners might have been interested in giving Jackie a tragic loss similar loss to Sal. I haven't seen the later seasons where they bring in the kid's families, but I don't believe they have gone that route so far.

For her favorite music, we get two bands: Destiny's Child and NSYNC. These are very much a product of the time. Destiny's Child actually disbanded in 2006, as the members went off to do solo work. NSYNC disbanded in 2002, and then reunited in 2023. Well, we know that Jackie loves her R&B and Pop music, so I'm sure she found other bands to follow since then.

Her favorite movie is Shrek, which only came out in 2001. Matt and Inez have definitely sent her all the memes that have come out about that movie since then. Her pet peeves are bugs and anything messy. Yeah, that still tracks. She has a "Wheaton Terrier" named Brandy. I don't know if the spelling has changed over the years, or if they just made a spelling mistake in her bio, but I have only seen it spelled as "Wheaten".

Jackie also gets a bio from Nelvana, which is pretty cool. I've only been able to find surviving archives of bios for her and Matt. They have sections for Inez, Dr. Marbles, Motherboard, The Hacker, Buzz, and Delete. However, all of those are left empty in the surviving archives of the pages. I don't know if bios were completed for those other characters.

We get emphasis on the point of Jackie being organized. We also get more insight into how she solves problems. She uses diagrams, charts, and graphs among other things. She also touched on her tendency to use initials as shorthand for things. I remember the Blue Bunny Place (B.B.P) from "Of All The Luck". Was she hip in 2002? Is she still hip now? I'm not qualified to say.

We also get an introduction to Jackie through the official prequel web comic, "How It All Started: Episode 3". We see Jackie making her own skirt out of strips of fabric. I assume it is for cheer-leading.

Narration: Meanwhile, on Earth, three kids who don't know each other are about to have the adventure of their lives.

Jackie: I gotta organize this stuff

Narration: meet Jackie, who has her own sense of style...

Narration: And her own way of doing things!

Here's Jackie's Official Cyberchase Trading Card.

When they picked her favorite line as "Make room! I gotta pace!", they probably picked her most iconic line. She loves video games, piano, and foreign languages, which is great. We do get to see her play an unnamed videogame during Season 1 Episode 25 "A Battle of Equals". The hero "San Man" is trying to save the environment by stopping the villains that are trying to pollute it. One villain is called Johnny Grime. There are number riddles, and they are the same sort of riddles that the kids solve during the episode.

I don't think we ever see her playing piano or speaking a second language on the show. Quick question: What are those shoes that she wears? Inez has a pair or blue boots. Matt has a pair of red and white sneakers. Jackie's shoes are a little harder to place. They are purple, and they have considerable heels. Were these meant to be high-tops? I don't know that I've seen high-tops with heels in that size before.

The big thing that people remember Jackie for are her dramatic outbursts. And her most iconic one is probably from Season 3 Episode 4 "A Piece of the Action". You can tell that someone in the animation department had fun with this one.

Here's a transcript.

Jackie: Great! Now we'll never get into Hacker's control center. And if we can't get in there we can't stop Hacker. And if we can't stop Hacker, he'll erase Motherboard's memory with the magnetite! Cyberspace is doomed! Doomed I tell you! Doo-hoo-hoo-hoomed!

Matt: And the award for best dramatic outburst of today goes to Jackie!

Jackie: Matt!

What else can I say about Jackie. Well, she has an amazing tolerance for cold weather. Even in Arctic Cybersites, she still made do with the same short skirt.

Anyway, here's the prototype for Jackie. She had a completely different hairstyle and outfit. She was also called Julie. Again, I consider her current design an upgrade from the prototype.

And here's the Who's Who document on her.

We get more discussion on Jackie being a gymnast and artist. She loves Instant Messaging. I guess that would have been AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) at the time.

[sims-half-crazy]

The discussion with her mother had frustrated her, so Imogen walked across the hall to the sitting room and sat at the piano. She loved to play, and she strived to put in some practice every day. Cornelius mocked her relentlessly about her dedication. Her thoughts clouded her head and she was surprised when his dark visage caught her eye.

"Banging on those keys again, I see. Don't you have anything better to do? Isn't there some tea or function you should attend to help further the family's interests? It's not like you've been able to provide me an heir." His face was ruddy from the years of drinking, and he was rounder around the middle than he'd been. Imogen held no illusions as to why she'd been married to this man. It'd been a business deal. He'd charmed and cajoled her father into signing over a portion of their land so that the Stacey's could expand the vineyard operations. Hector Wright, was a smart man though, he'd held back some of his land and put it in a trust for any future children Imogen bore. When Cornelius had discovered Hector's trickery, he'd been furious and that was how their marriage had begun.

Imogen scoffed at him. "You have no idea what I should or should not be doing."

"Don't you dare sass me. You have one job and you haven't yet fulfilled your part of the bargain. It's been a bit since I've rutted you. How about I bend you over your beloved piano, with your skirts hiked to your waist. Maybe that'll plant a seed!" He raged at her while shaking his finger at her, as if she were a small child. His face was almost completely red, and the vein in his forehead pulsed in an unhealthy fashion.

Imogen most certainly didn't want him touching her in the state he was. Cornelius was never gentle, but it was so much worse when he'd been drinking. Thinking quickly, Imogen softened her voice but not her features. "So your desire is to treat me like the whores you fraternize with in town? Odd, I always thought you wanted a proper lady to bolster whatever business ventures you have. I've met with wives, and mistresses, entertained their newly debuted daughters - all for you. Just think of the favors that can be repaid when our child is of age." Imogen hadn't planned on telling Cornelius about the baby yet, but her anger had gotten the better of it. She turned her voice sweet and soft. "I didn't want to tell you about it this way. I had wanted to make an announcement at dinner," she lied. She watched a myriad of expressions play across Cornelius' face.

Cornelius composed himself and with a nod towards her, he stood up and left the room. Imogen was dumbfounded. That was his reaction? He just gets up and leaves! Like he's done the heavy lifting and now he's done? How many times did I lay under him, praying that he was quick and that this time a seed would take root, and this is the reaction to his, well not his, precious heir? I'm not certain what I expected, but it was not that.

Beginning / Previous / Next

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Below you will find the character profile for my One Piece OC (one of them, anyway. I have at least five, but I'll be working the most closely with this one for now).

So, here we go. Only been working on this shit for like...three days. Okay, technically over ten years since I used to write her ages ago when I was on fanfiction.net, but I've redone a lot of things.

I'm already in the process of working on a novel-length Mihawk x AFAB!OC fanfic, so here's the overly extensive character sheet for my OC because I always put way too much effort into character development.

The character history practically devolves into a mini fanfic itself around the middle by total accident, but whatever.

The fanfic(s) will toe the line between Live Action and Manga canon. We'll just call it AU and leave it at that.

Karimi Lionne

Associated fanfics: Hearing Problems (coming soon to an Unknowable Horror near you) and Any Way The Wind Blows (eventually, bear with me)

Age: 24

Occupation: Pirate; Mercenary

Abilities:

Kiku Kiku no Mi: A Paramecia type devil fruit that grants the user the ability to hear...well, everything, all the time. Within a certain range she, can hear the thoughts of people around her. The range varies with her focus; standard, it's anyone within a range of about fifty feet in any direction. She can close that circle down to either listen to one person's thoughts, or expand it to search a city or town for a particular person. Activated (which she hasn't yet), it allows the user the ability to plant thoughts in others' heads, and potentially control their thoughts.

She considers the ability more of a curse than a blessing since she has never managed to hone it quite well enough to shut it off entirely, and can often be found sitting at a dock or on a beach with her feet in the salt water, just to get some peace and quiet in her own head.

Blades: Karimi carries a pair of daggers with ornately carved ivory handles, the head of a lioness carved into the top of each hilt, in sheaths at either side of her belt. They belonged to her grandmother, who raised her from age four to age fourteen, and also taught her most of what she knows in combat. She also keeps a handful of throwing knives in a holster belted to her right calf, a couple inches below her knee.

Her fighting style relies primarily on agility, evasion, and accuracy rather than raw strength due to her relatively small stature of 5'2".

Haki: Not a master by any means at all. Learned from Red-Haired Shanks during her brief stint working with his crew, used largely to assist in suppressing her devil fruit abilities and making them more manageable. Not really proficient enough to use it for any other application.

Music: Karimi was taught to play guitar, fiddle, and piano by her grandmother, but she hasn't touched an instrument since her grandmother died, so she doesn't know how much of the ability she has retained. Karimi also learned several sea shanties from her, and often hums or quietly sings them to herself while out to sea.

Appearance:

Faceclaim: Jane Fonda c. 1960s, facial structure, skin and hair edited via Faceapp

Long, dark green hair, in wild curls that she can't do much of anything with except tie back in a bun or stuff under a hat. Sharp emerald green eyes. Fair-skinned with a handful of freckles.

The Resting Bitch Face is strong with this one.

Slender, petite, 5'2" tall.

Tends toward wearing long-sleeved shirts/dresses to cover the scars on her arms. Almost always wears her grandmother's hat, an old and tattered brown leather tricorne with a patch on the front left brim and a few more in the back.

Personality:

Confident, toeing the line of outright arrogance at times. Humor that ranges from dryly sarcastic to quite silly, depending on who she's around. Guarded. Brooding. Cynical. Empathetic. Gentle. Uses sarcasm as a coping mechanism. Not easily offended. Prominent issues with self-harm and PTSD.

Backstory (prior to beginning of fic)

Karimi has next to no knowledge of her origins. She knows her mother died shortly after giving birth to her, that she was born on her father's ship, and that she got her hands on a devil fruit the crew had found and ate it when she was three or four years old, not knowing what it was. Shortly thereafter she was taken to live with her grandmother on a remote island village called Conch Cove, somewhere on the Grand Line.

Her grandmother, Helena Lionne, had been a pirate captain shortly before Gol D. Roger came around and into his earlyyears of piracy, but Karimi didn't know much about her history. Helena was a powerful haki user, and was able to use the power to dampen Karimi's devil fruit abilities, largely for the sake of the girl's own comfort and sanity. Helena trained her to fight in order to defend herself in the event that she ever left the island, as well as survivalist training. She wasn't shy about telling Karimi that the world could be a dangerous place, particularly for a woman on her own, amd wanted to ensure that her granddaughter had everything she needed to safely make her way in the world.

Karimi found out more about her grandmother a week after her fourteenth birthday.

She discovered that her grandmother had been captain of the Siren Pirates. She discovered her grandmother possessed the abilities of the Mizu Mizu no Mi (logia type, water). She discovered that her bounty was in the billions...and still very much active.

The Marine Admiral who showed up to the island, Admiral Jackson "Volcano" Vesper, brought a large crew with him, with no intention of taking Helena alive. His moniker stemmed not only from his explosive temper, but also from his own devil fruit abilities—the predecessor to Fire Fist Ace, he possessed the power of the Mera Mera no Mi (logia type, fire). He also possessed an intense desire for revenge on the woman that had killed his father.

He didn't bother revealing how he managed to track her down—he simply went in guns blazing. The battle between him and Helena, between his crew and what remained of hers, waged for nearly two entire days, leaving several Marines and villagers dead and the town in total ruin. Karimi stayed hidden the entire time as her grandmother had asked her to, but with Helena's haki focused on defending herself and her allies, Karimi could hear everything with her devil fruit abilities.

She could hear the moment when Admiral Vesper's first mate got the drop on her grandmother, pinned her to the ground with the butt of his rifle, which he had coated in a layer of sea stone, instantly sapping her strength and her devil fruit powers.

Karimi could hear Vesper's thoughts, his intentions to humiliate her, kill her, and return to Marineford with her head.

And Karimi emerged from hiding and managed to toss a throwing a knife into the back of his leg.

She was captured almost immediately. Her physical resemblance to her grandmother in the woman's younger years was noted immediately by Vesper, and he knew in that instant that he had won.

And Karimi knew it too, with the man's bowie knife to her throat.

He agreed to let Karimi go in exchange for Helena's life, and Helena gave in without a second thought when she saw the bowie knife start to cut into her granddaughters neck.

He took the remainder of Helena's old crew as prisoners—the only four other villagers on the island left alive, but not before slitting Helena's throat and sawing her head from her neck with his bowie knife, while Karimi was held captive and forced to watch.

Then he and his men left her there on the remote island, in a ruined village with nothing but the corpses of friends and neighbors and the woman who raised her to keep her company.

She doesn't remember much of the following two weeks. She knows she was able to make a spear out of a throwing knife and a shovel handle to catch fish for food in the shallows around the island. That she had a fresh source of water in the form of a pond. She knows she was nearly through building a raft out of the rubble that was left of the town when another marine ship arrived at the island, captained this time by Vice Admiral Garp the Fist. She was understandably beyond wary of Marines, and she fought tooth and nail, kicking and screaming, when they took her back to their ship.

They took her throwing knives and her grandmother's daggers, and she was forced to stay in the brig because she made very clear that she would gladly gut any marine who came near her. She was still treated with kindness and provided full meals given her situation, and as she bided her time and got her strength back she formed a plan of escape.

She was able to use her devil fruit powers effectively in her escape—by listening around and finding the easiest target. This came in the form of a fifteen year old cadet who would check on her and talk to her during his downtime. He thought she was pretty and couldn't believe she had managed to keep herself alive for two and a half weeks after what she had been through, admired her sheer strength of will. It was incredibly easy to sweet-talk him into getting her weapons back to her, playing on his sympathies by telling him that they were all she had left of her grandmother.

She hid them once she had them, and did a little more sweet-talking...until he agreed to steal the keys and get her out of the cell. Once she was out, she wasted no time in knocking him out, stealing his uniform, stuffing her hair under the hat, and discreetly stealing enough rations to last herself a week and slipping away on a dinghy.

She had no idea where she was or how she was going to get anywhere, but she wasn't exactly of sound mind after the trauma she had endured. Her only thoughts at the time were that she wanted to put as much distance between herself and the Marines as possible.

She was picked up by a merchant vessel after a few days, and they took pity on her story and allowed her to remain on board the ship, assisting in cooking and cleaning in exchange for room and board and safe passage to their next stop. They were bound for Loguetown in the East Blue, and that suited her just fine.

Loguetown was a large city right outside the only passage onto the Grand Line, and it gave her plenty of options for work. She worked odd jobs that provided her with room and board, saving up money over the course of the following two years.

She was working in a tavern and staying at the attached inn when the Red-Hair pirates made port in Loguetown, and she knew she had her ticket back onto the seas, with only one goal in mind—to find her father, and tell him what had become of her grandmother.

Her memories of him were too vague for her to give any decent description, but she wasn't telling anyone her reasons anyway. She waited for her shift to end before approaching Shanks himself and asking, confidently, to join his crew.

That got a tremendous laugh out of the crew at large, but only a little bit of a chuckle from Shanks himself.

"And why would a little slip of a thing like yourself want sail around with a bunch of old men?"

"That's not really important." She sat down at the neighboring table at this. "But what I can provide your crew is."

"And what might that be, love?"

"I've trained with daggers and throwing knives since I was four years old. I also possess the abilities of the Kiku Kiku no Mi."

Yasopp, sitting between Shanks and his first mate Benn Beckman with bis feet propped up on the table, snorted at that, grinning. "So what, it improved your hearing?"

Karimi leveled her eyes with his. "Immensely," she daid. She gave a small smile...and began narrating his thoughts out loud. "'The hell is this girl's deal? Does she have any idea who she's even talking to right now? She can't even be much older than my—Wait. What the hell? What the hell is she—'" His feet slipped off the table, his mouth falling open as he registered what was happening. "'Holy shit, is she in my head? Is—'"

"Okay, you made your point, cut it out!" he half-shouted, staring at her in alarm.

No one was laughing anymore—and she knew she had their full attention now.

"That," Shanks said lightly, the amusement gone from his eyes and replaced with caution—but also intrigue, "is a very dangerous ability for someone as young as yourself to possess."

"I've had it since I was four. I've learned to manage it."

That was, of course, only half true—she could deal with it, yes, but she couldn't fully control it.

After a long, silent moment, in which members of his crew exchanged glances and Shanks quietly studied her, he leaned back in his chair, nodding to himself.

"Let's give you a real test," he said, leaning his arm over the back of his chair. "See how well you can put your abilities to use." Karimi lifted her eyebrows, waiting. "I want you to sneak into the Marine base here in Loguetown. Find where they keep the treasure and money they've confiscated from pirates and thieves they've arrested...and walk out with as much as you can carry." He lifted his bottle of rum from the table. "Undetected."

"Have you lost your goddamned mind?" Shanks glanced across the table at Benn when he spoke up.

"That's been gone for years, but go on."

Benn gave a growl of annoyance at his captain. "She's a kid. You're talking about sending a kid into a damned Marine base to steal from them. That's a suicide mission."

"The girl wants a chance to prove herself," he said simply, shrugging a shoulder. He looked back at her. "That's my offer, love. We're setting out no later than noon tomorrow. You bring your haul to the ship, you can come with us."

Karimi nodded, and stood from her chair. "Then I will see you all no later than noon tomorrow."

A few hours later, when the tavern closed for the night and the crew returned to the ship, they were met with the sight of Karimi, wearing a Marine uniform and sitting on a sizable burlap sack right in the middle of the deck. She stood from it and kicked it over, spilling gold bricks, jewels, and piles of Berry notes and coins across the deck.

Sneaking into the base had honestly been a piece of cake—she found a half-drunk Marine a couple years older than her at another tavern, did a little sweet-talking and got him back to her inn room. Suggested some rather kinky activities that would involve him stripping down and being tied to the bed and he jumped on it. Once he was securely tied, she gathered her few belongings, put on his uniform, put a do-not-disturb sign on the door, and slipped out the window.

It had taken longer to find and get into the rooms where they kept any seized contraband, but it had been as simple as keeping her head down and listening. Hiding and ducking down empty halls when she heard anyone drawing too close. The entire ordeal had taken just under three hours.

After a long stretch of silence, it was Benn Beckman that voiced what everyone was thinking.

"Holy shit."

Shanks grinned over at him. "Suicide mission, aye?"

She was officially welcomed aboard the ship at this, as promised, but there was some deal of commotion when she told them her name.

Particularly her surname.

She learned very quickly that both Shanks and his first mate were familiar with her father—and that Benn utterly despised him. To the point that he, however briefly, threatened to throw Karimi off the ship himself against his captain's will if necessary. The brief altercation ended in Benn storming off to the gun deck on his own, leaving Karimi wondering if she had made the right choice of crew.

Shanks was far more personable.

He told her about her father—Lyon D. Rollo.

He described her father as having been like "the annoying little brother he never wanted." Told her about their time spent as deckhands aboard the Oro Jackson. About his devil fruit abilities that had caused absolutely nothing but trouble for years because they were incredibly difficult to master without massive repercussions: the Kaze Kaze no Mi (logia type: wind).

Told her how they met Benn not long after Roger's execution after setting out on their own—Benn and his younger sister, Sedna, who he had looked after on his own since he was around sixteen and she was six, when their parents had been killed by raiding pirates.

Who Karimi's father had apparently fallen inmediately head over heels for. Said he refused to leave town without her, and did exactly as he set out to. Benn had refused to leave her side, and came with them despite his hatred of pirates at the time.

It was a year later that Shanks and her father had gone their separate ways. It had always been the plan, as they were both too stubborn to accept being anything but captains. Once they gathered enough of their own crew members and got their own ships, they parted as friends. Benn stayed with Shanks, and Sedna remained with Lyon.

It wasn't long after that they recieved word that Sedna had been killed during a firefight with the Marines.

"He never mentioned a child," said Shanks, shaking his head and looking at Karimi like he was looking at a ghost as he leaned forward against the railing around the bow. "I imagine he couldn't have been much older than seventeen." He shook his head a little, still in disbelief. "I don't think I need devil fruit abilities to know what you're doing here."

Karimi nodded shortly. "Do you know where—?"

"No, unfortunately."

No one knew where Lyon was—it had been five years since Shanks actually last saw him, and he and his entire crew seemed to have just vanished into thin air around a year ago, despite still holding active bounties.

Karimi didn't tell him anything else, not why she was looking for him—only that she was, and that she had no intention of remaining with the Red Hair crew for the long term. Just long enough to get a bit of money together and purchase her own ship, something small like a sloop that she could handle by herself.

She ended up sailing with the Red Hair Pirates for around two years, give or take few months. Shanks became something of a mentor to her over that period of time, taking time to train her in Busoshoku Haki, the same type of Haki that her grandmother had used to repress Karimi's Devil Fruit abilities, so Karimi could use it herself when she wished to. It wasn't fool-proof, but it at least helped lessen the mental load.

Once on her own, Karimi ultimately began working as a mercenary; taking on jobs with various pirate crews that required stealth or a subtle touch, avoiding Marines as much as possible, and attempting to gather any information she could about her father, but to no avail on the latter front—it really seemed like he and his crew had just vanished into thin air. His bounty was still active, along with those of his first mate and officers, but no one had heard hide nor hair of them in literaly years.

Nothing much changed for her until Karimi took a job from the Buggy Pirates a few years later, at twenty-four years old. Buggy was searching for a map of the Grand Line, and he needed someone to steal it for him, since he and his crew more or less stood out like sore thumbs and couldn't very discreetly sneak into the naval base in Shells Town where it was being kept. She was reluctant to accept—she usually avoided jobs that had anything at all to do with the Marines, but Buggy made an offer she couldn't refuse.

He claimed to have information about her father that he would gladly trade for the map.

She kept her ship anchored next to Buggy's overnight to set to preparing, planning to make way for Shells Town first thing the following morning...but news came down the grapevine that night that the map had been stolen during a break-in by another pirate crew into the Marine base.

In his rage that his plans were foiled after spending months gathering information, Buggy laid the blame on the hired hand—that she had left immediately, she could have beaten the other crew to the base and gotten the map first. He ultimately sunk her sloop, nearly with her on it before she managed to gather her most valuable items and get herself onto Buggy's ship, where he informed her she would be working for him until her debt at failing to get him the map was paid off—now she was going to have to steal it from the pirates that had taken it.

Karimi had little choice but to agree—being a devil fruit user, it would be far too risky for her to steal a dinghy and take her chances with thr open oceans.

They found the crew on a schooner and took them prisoner easily enough, given that there were only three of them. Karimi recognized one of them from a description Shanks had mentioned during her time with the Red Hair Pirates of the boy he had lost his arm to a sea monster saving (a story that she had honestly thought had to be an exaggeration), who claimed to be their captain and insisted he was going to be king of the pirates...while the other two claimed they weren't even a crew.

Whatever the case, Karimi knew they were her ticket out of servitude to the Buggy Pirates, and mutinied against them the second that the odds shifted in favor of Luffy, Zoro, and Nami.

Luffy was more than happy to welcome her aboard their tiny ship, especially on learning that she knew Shanks. She didn't tell them of her devil fruit abilities, still keeping them suppressed with Haki, a mistake she would regret in the next island they made port at due largely to their schooner springing a leak. They lucked out on landing in a town with a shipyard, but none of them really had a Berry to spare between them to actually purchase a new ship—the vast majority of the money that Karimi had saved herself had sunk to the bottom of the ocean with her own ship amd most of her worldly possessions.

On meeting and quickly befriending Usopp at the shipyard and learning the owner of the place was his "best friend," they had something of a plan, if a bit of a ridiculous one—Luffy was convinced that if he just talked to Kaya and explained their situation, she would just give him a ship and they could be off and on their way.

Both Karimi and Zoro recognized the butler Klahador, but couldn't quite put their finger on why. This was Karimi's mistake—she didn't think enough of it to release her haki and just listen in on his thoughts. It wasn't until everything later fell apart in Kaya's mansion that she did release her haki and quickly learn he was Captain Kuro, a cutthroat captain who had been believed dead for years, that he had been poisoning Kaya for years, and that he planned to murder Kaya and take over the estate himself that night.

She also learned while her abilities were active that Nami had every intention of stealing the Grand Line map and taking it to the pirate crew she was serving against her will. By this point Karimi had developed a soft spot for all three members of the Strawhat Crew (even if two of them still claimed not to be a crew), but she decided not to confront Nami about it—yet.

Kaya was more than happy to gift them a ship after they helped defeat Kuro and freed her from his suppression. She offered Karimi one as well, but she declined, stating that she would prefer to purchase one herself once she had the means to do so—but that she would happily return to Syrup Village and purchase one from Kaya's family's shipyard. In truth, she was honestly enjoying her time with the ragtag little crew, and wanted to stick around with them just a bit longer to see how far Luffy's ambitions could take them.

Usopp joined them at this point as the crew's sharpshooter. They were intercepted not far from Syrup Village by a Marine ship, and Karimi recognized Vice Admiral Garp almost immediately—as did Luffy, to her and the others' astonishment on finding our that Garp was his grandfather. Luffy was able to use his devil fruit abilities to deflect a cannonball thrown at their ship by Garp, and damage Garp's ship enough for them to slip away into a dense fog and lose their pursuers.

They happened by pure luck upon the restaurant ship Baratie, where our story begins in earnest, following Luffy's idiocy at trying to pass off a very expensive bill with an I.O.U. and getting stuck washing dishes in the kitchen to pay it off.

Relationships

Helena Lionne (OC): Grandmother, deceased. A powerful pirate captain in her heyday, Helena disappeared from the seas without a word one day and no one really knew where she had gone. Helena raised Karimi from age four to fourteen, when she was tragically murdered by a revenge-crazed marine admiral whose father Helena had killed years earlier when she was still pirating. Karimi looked up to her immensely and loved her to death, and thinking about her still hurts.

Lyon D. Rollo (OC): A active pirate captain on the grand line, though no one has heard hide nor hair of him or his crew (the Hurricane Pirates) in years. She's been trying to find him for the past ten years, to tell him what happened to her grandmother/his mother, since Karimi was the only witness left alive and no one else would be able to tell him exactly what happened. It doesn't help that she last saw him at four years old, and remembers next to nothing about him. He's actually the one who gave her the hat—he took it when he left home at thirteen to become a pirate himself, and left it with her when he took her to her grandmother. (A/N, if and when I ever get to working on Any Way The Wind Blows, it will be about his history.)

Red-Haired Shanks: Working with the Red-Hair pirates for two years led to her becoming fairly close with Shanks. He had known her father over two decades and became quite protective of her as a direct result, with her looking at him almost as a father figure as well as a mentor.

Benn Beckman: The first mate of Red-Haired Shanks, Karimi learned from Shanks that her mother had been Benn's younger sister, Sedna, and that Benn absolutely despised her father and blamed him for his younger sibling's untimely death. As a result, Benn spent a while both wary and untrusting of Karimi and treating her with indifference that bordered on hostility; but he eventually let it go, accepting that she was capable (and, in his own words, "a hell of a lot smarter than Lyon D. Dipshit"),

The Marines: Karimi positively despises Marines, with the sole exception of Garp since has come to recognize that she wouldn't be alive if not for him, though good luck getting her to admit it.

Luffy: For her short spell traveling with Luffy and his "crew," she bonded with Luffy pretty quickly, coming to see him like a goofy little brother. He absolutely reveled in hearing stories about her time on the ocean, especially any that involved her time on Shanks's crew. She's quick to scold him for his naivety and questionable decisions, but it's mostly out of care; his ambition is definitely infectious, and she wants to see him achieve everything he's set out to do.

Nami: As the only other girl on the Going Merry, Karimi did her best to get close to Nami, especially on learning about her tragic situation with the Arlong Pirates via her devil fruit abilities, but Nami makes herself intentionally distant.

Zoro: She butted heads a fair bit with Zoro, largely due to both of them being exceedingly sarcastic, but she doesn't hate him by any means. Quite the contrary, she admires his abilities as a fighter and passes time sparring with him on the deck. They're about evenly matched in fighting ability, as his style relies largely on strength and her own on evasion and agility.

Usopp: Usopp is always quick to pipe in with his own epic stories of his supposed adventures when Karimi mentions any of her own past ventures. Not unlike Luffy, she looks at him almost like a younger sibling, though honestly he annoys her a little more than Luffy.

[batmanfruitloops]

Music Meister and Polka-dot Man seem like such a cute couple, so I must ask: what type of dynamic do they have? As in, is it the classic "extrovert and their introvert" trope? Or maybe they're both extroverted weirdos? I'm so curious to learn more about what Darius and Abner are like as boyfriends!

I'm so glad you asked, I've been meaning to explain those lovely goobers of mine!

"Extrovert and their introvert" is a pretty good description of how those two are, Darius being the extrovert and Abner being the introvert, although if Abner hadn't been stuck in a lab for years, he'd probably be more outgoing.

ALSO,

Because I haven't posted about Darius or Abner's backstories as of yet, I will be explaining as much as is necessary to fully understand their relationship dynamic, as well as a lot of things I like about them. So this is going to be very long and have lots of pictures (apologies that it took so long because of that)

Darius History

To start, Darius is gay (Although I suppose that's a given) and Abner is demi. Darius was aware of this from a pretty young age, and so went through the ups and downs of that over the years. Abner wouldn't know how he felt on the romantic to aspec end of the spectrum until much later. Given Abner has spent half of his life in a lab since the age of 12, and the raucous living environment he had before, developing feelings for anyone was the last thing on his mind. Living with Darius for a while and then being presented with romantic feelings, Abner would be able to think about what he'd really want out of a relationship, and if he'd like that with Darius, and he does.

Darius is an only child of Ronald and Dalia Chapel, one of the elite families of Gotham. His relationship with his parents was fine when he was very young, but when they found out that he had powers, that changed. It was a day like any other, really. Darius was playing with his cousin, Mikey. They were just playing around and Darius was singing at the top of his lungs. This was also a common behavior for him, as it was one of his favorite things. Without really thinking about it, Darius told Mikey to do whatever he said. Mikey did it all with a blank expression. Darius just thought he was playing along, so he brought his parents to show them. They were able to tell that he wasn't just choosing to listen. Terrified, they yelled for Darius to stop. He did, startled by their sudden frustration. Mikey snapped out of it, greeting his aunt and uncle. Because of this, Darius' uncle, Kevin, is also aware of his powers, although Dalia (who's Kevin's older sister) made him swear to never bring it up. Despite this, he's one of the few people to always be supportive of Darius in every part of himself.

Darius' parents tried to discourage him from doing anything musically. They didn't want anything to happen and affect their family. But Darius loved music and singing. There was just no way he was going to give that up in its entirety. So he still joined choir in school, much to his parents' dismay. He did well. He was his teacher's favorite: he could sight-read pretty much anything, he could play the piano as accompaniment during their lessons and performances, help others with their parts, as well as fit into any octave section, depending on who needed it most. Darius was bullied for this, but he brushed it off. It hurt, but he enjoyed what he did, and he knew he was good at it.

Among Darius' bullies, there were a main few who harassed him more than others, and physically instead of just words at times. These boys had another friend who defended Darius, telling them to leave him alone and helping him up off the ground. Darius fell for that boy, and he fell hard. He felt his heart flutter any time he saw him, and grinned whenever they touched.

Darius wanted to confess. He knew it might not go well, but he felt that even if the boy didn't feel the same way, he'd turn Darius down politely, and that would be it. Unfortunately, when Darius actually did confess to him in a secluded area of the school, his face contorted in disgust, and he turned Darius down not so politely. Still, Darius accepted that response and moved on. The boy, however, decided to start bullying Darius along with the others. Darius' sexuality became another thing to bully him for.

Besides that, the rest of Darius' school life was uneventful. Just homework, concerts, and a desire to belong. Right after he graduated, he got his ear pierced, and that little thing opened the floodgates for his parents to berate him again, telling him to get over himself so he'd be suitable to carry on the Chapel name. He stood his ground and soon moved out, tired of the toxic environment.

Darius is able to make friends after this, one of which he opens a club with called "Euphony Lounge". I'll have to get into that in a post of its own, but Darius co-owns and is the DJ there.

Darius still didn't have much luck dating. Not every experience was bad, but nobody was ever as serious as he was. His last "partner" before becoming the Music Meister was a guy named Corbin. Again, he'll get his own post eventually, but there's a reason I put partner in parentheses. He left Darius very drained, and with Darius also wanting a use for his powers, he threw his passions into becoming the Music Meister.

------------------

Abner History

Abner comes from a family of 9. This includes his parents and 6 siblings. His mother was an Iranian immigrant named Aviva Fazel, his father a born Gothamite David Krill. (Family order reference) His father was very controlling of his mother. She couldn't go out, couldn't talk to people or even neighbors, just had to take care of the house, kids, and whatever else he wanted. So Aviva did her best to appease his demands. Abner, being the second oldest, did his best to help around the house along with his other siblings. School was a welcome place to blend in because coming home meant going back to his father. Abner had heard his father yell and hit his mother on many occasions, threatening to throw them all out, but his mother never stopped him. That was until his father started yelling about Jamie and was going to hit him. Aviva wouldn't stand to have her children treated like that. Finally, David completely lost his temper, literally kicking Aviva and his kids out. And then they had nothing but each other.

Desperate to give her kids a better life, Aviva went from place to place, trying to find a job. During this time, Davin, Abner, and Chaya took the most care of the younger 4. They were too young to really understand what was happening, but they knew that something was wrong. A week turned into a month, then a month and a half. Aviva was able to pick up odd jobs here and there, but nothing she could keep. She could see her children starting to wither away, and it broke her heart.

Out of nowhere, Aviva spotted some fliers Stating that anyone willing to have a virus tested on them would have their living means provided for them into the foreseeable future. It sounded too good to be true, but she had to check. The flier was legitimate, and Aviva and her children were hurriedly ushered into an office to sign some documents.

The doctors and other staff all seemed fine at first. They treated the kids very nicely, getting them all cleaned up and fed. But once they were injected with the virus, their niceness took on an eerie presence. Each of them reacted differently, the spots starting small, and they felt fine. But not long after, the negative side effects started to appear. Again, saving that part for later, but I can tell you that Abner was the only one to end up surviving with the virus.

Abner hated it there. The silence filled only with the buzz of lights and passing footsteps, the dirty off-white walls, the doctors who only said that they cared. And they made him wear hand cuffs and a suppressor to keep his spots from getting out of hand until they needed him.

It was extremely uncomfortable, as well as a constant reminder of the condition he was in. Star labs' main concern is turning and/or taking meta-humans to become soldiers to fight wars instead of other humans as well as whatever intense or underhanded tasks, thanks to Waller.

Among these tasks, Waller wanted Abner to become one of her best soldiers, ready to kill and use any force necessary. But Abner is against killing, the idea terrifies him. He has no desire to be a violent person and refused despite the multitude of methods they tried using to change that. So they still deployed him for dirty government missions. So although he isn't wearing a suppressor and cuffs on missions, he's still equipped with a suicide collar and watched.

One such method they tried using on Abner was isolation: just enough to break him, but not enough to permanently take him out of commission. For many years, that was effective. Abner, stuck all by himself, left only to his thoughts. The many many thoughts of his family, outliving them, the neverending nightmare of his current situation.....the idea of dying didn't sound so bad anymore. But by the time he's 24, his current age, those isolated moments just turned to a burning rage and a plot to leave.

He puts this plot into effect during a mission and is able to get away. Again, I'll leave that moment for a different post, it's pretty important.

----------------

First Meeting

Oh boy, let's talk about how these two met. It was not actually as rogues, though they did know of each other. They met in a meet-cute situation not too long after Abner finally escaped from the lab and was traveling around. The Gotham subway system, to be exact. Darius was just getting to and from shopping before noticing just how uncomfortable Abner looked, standing stiff with his hands in his pockets, hood pulled tightly, and a medical mask on. Then that lead to noticing that Abner had handsome eyes, and continuing to glance out of the corner of his eye. Due to the subway bumping around, Abner's hood slips momentarily, and Darius is able to see a few spots. "Oh, I know who you are," an unspoken thought. They meet eyes in that moment, Darius from curiosity and Abner fear. The shuttle grinds to a halt, and Abner books it out of there, Darius close behind. He's never actually met another meta-human before, this was his perfect chance! Unfortunately, it comes across as creepy and once Abner is cornered, he pulls a buzz saw spot out in a panic, ready to use it if Darius doesn't run off. This finally makes Darius realize just how this scenario reads, and he tries to explain and ask if Abner is okay. They chat in that alley briefly before Darius offers Abner to stay in his house until he finds a better means for himself to live. Abner would still be skeptical at this point, but Darius hasn't made any moves to hurt him (he does disclose that he's the Music Meister, btw) and Abner has the ability to stop him if he needs to. So he follows him home. Darius would explain where things were and let him know that he isn't obligated to offer anything to stay, or even interact with him. This would be pretty surprising to Abner, people don't just do things without a motive.

Abner is honestly very grateful to have a place to hide and some company. The idea of being alone any longer would be unbearable. So Abner stays pretty close to Darius, and they get to know each other as they open up. It helps that Darius is so chatty, since it makes Abner much more comfortable.

--------------------

Had they met as rogues instead, it wouldn't be too different? It mostly crossed my mind purely out of curiosity, but it's cute to me that Darius would still fall for Abner and try very hard to "rizz him up" before Abner went from flustered and distraught (from having to return to the lab, he wouldn't want to acknowledge anything at first, that could end up hurting both of them, and also, Abner still wouldn't understand how he was feeling at first) to wanting to run away with him. (I know, I can be extremely mushy)

It was a bit awkward for the first while, but Darius did a lot to make it comfortable for Abner and not feel like a stranger just passing through.

Darius originally offered Abner his room and he'd be sleeping on the couch, but Abner wasn't keen on the idea of being alone again, so he asked if they could both just be in his room. Darius understood that sentiment, so he obliged. A bit awkward for Darius (in a nervous context, not that he'd dislike the idea. He's only ever slept in the same bed as past partners), but Abner was used to sleeping with his mom and siblings before, so it's much more comfortable for him to share the proximity. Along with that, Darius also plays music on a low volume and keeps lava lamps on while he sleeps, which adds to an atmosphere that's calming. It's the opposite of the lab in every way,

Darius really did try not to fall for Abner, despite his initial physical attraction. He had just had a bad experience months prior with Corbin, and he wanted to prove to himself that he could be emotionally independent. Abner had also been in a situation that made Darius feel like he'd be unsure if he felt the same, or worse, that he'd feel obligated to reciprocate because Darius was providing him amenities. But the more Abner became comfortable with him, the harder it got.

Abner was very kind and caring, and very good at listening. He'd opened up about his past and let Darius do the same, so that only made them closer. Abner enjoyed how Darius liked to show him new things, and now enthusiastic he was about it. Abner treated Darius a lot like his siblings, it's what he'd best understand; he'd have a hard time placing how it felt different, but he'd just assume it was because they weren't actually blood related.

That said, Darius would reach a point where he'd confess, while being careful about it. He wouldn't want to make Abner uncomfortable, but it was affecting Darius on a daily basis.

Abner had to think about it for a few days, but he ultimately decided that he'd like to try and see how things worked out with Darius.

Abner likes to cook, but it would have been over a decade since he last got to. So he wouldn't have much confidence doing so, especially since he'd be recreating his mother's recipes based on his memories, but he'd enjoy himself a lot. Darius doesn't know how to cook, so it's helpful to let both of them eat better as well.

Darius is a hopeless romantic. He's just so happy to be dating Abner in the first place, and he has a lot of silly habits. Sometimes he'll just blush and giggle to himself if he catches Abner staring. He did this before they were dating too, but it's not something that ever stops happening. When he finds himself especially flustered, he'll tuck his hair behind his ear. Not the long side, mind you, but the shorter one. So there's not really any hair to tuck, it's just the motion, and Abner finds that very cute.

Abner is also pretty happy to just be dating Darius, although he shows it more through contentment. He's also a bit more aloof about giving affection. Not because he doesn't want to be affectionate, he's just so used to being by himself and left to his own thoughts that his actions can seem out of nowhere. To give an example for the sake of explanation, let's say the two were on an outing and Darius was being chatty the whole time (because of course he would be). Abner would feel the progressing want to kiss him, so the actual event of said kiss wouldn't be in reaction to any particular thing Darius said or where they were.

Euphony Lounge is a club that Darius made with his closest friend at the time, Micah. They wanted a club that anyone could feel welcome at, as well as have it decorated with lots of inspiration to their favorite music artists throughout the years, I'll get to it in it's own post eventually.

Darius will be working as the DJ most nights. Otherwise, he'll be out causing forgivable mischief as the Music Meister. He's so happy seeing other people enjoying music as well as themselves, and it's the perfect place for that.

-----------------

Spot issues

There's so much I could go into depth about how Abner's spots and the virus work, but I'll save the bulk of that for another post. What's most important is that Abner's spots can make him feel very sick if his body reaches the limit of how many spots it can handle at once before they need to be purged.

He'll start to get a bad migraine, with spotty vision and his mouth with taste like stomach acid, throat dry, and sticking to itself. Nausea sets in as well, making moving at all uncomfortable. He'd be more aware of every spot on his body than usual, and so he'd want them gone. Unfortunately, he still can't purge them just anywhere. If he were to throw them all up in the toilet, it would be destroyed by the buzz saws and black holes, so he has to be able to find a secluded area to safely get rid of them all. Darius does his best to comfort Abner until these bouts are over, continuing to help as purging leaves him very drained.

---------------------

Dating

Darius likes to sing in the shower and continues to do so while getting ready for the day. Abner finds this very amusing and will just listen to and watch him. Although it still caught both of them by surprise the first time it happened living together.

Abner had on cuffs and a suppressor for a majority of his life before escaping. Because of this, he gets extremely anxious when his wrists or neck are touched. Add any pressure to that, and he'll pull away. Darius is understanding of this and does his best to avoid touching them. Pretty much anywhere else is fine for him. Places that are more commonly sensitive, he'd be fine with, like your back, hips, thighs, that kind of thing. So he becomes a bit frustrated at himself about it. It makes total sense, it's going to take time, and it will probably only ever be Darius who'll touch him like that, but that's part of why he's frustrated. He trusts Darius, there's no way that man will ever hurt him, yet the anxiety is still there. But they work through it over time. Abner having patience in himself is very important. And Darius is just as patient and sweet. Perhaps I'm beating this point into the ground, but it's very important to me, given I've had a similar situation before.

Darius is very much on the opposite end. He likes all kinds of touch, anywhere, anytime. He's a very physically affectionate person, so his friends receive that too (given they aren't touch averse, of course). This is a helpful fact for when they first start dating, as it gives Abner the ability to lead. Darius is content just knowing Abner feels the same way, but he's very happy that Abner wants to be touchy as well.

Along with that, Darius is 6' 1" and Abner is 6', so they're practically the same height. If not for Darius styling his hair so big, and wearing platforms to go out, you probably couldn't be sure who was actually taller. Also a little fun fact that goes along with that, in 4" platforms Darius would be the same height as Jo, 6' 5", although his Music Meister costume has one of the few pairs of shoes he owns that have a normal sole.

Abner isn't particularly fond of going out. He wants to experience new things for himself, but the idea of his identity being found out and having to return to the lab is his worst fear. However, it's more comfortable when he goes out with Darius. Darius is very good at keeping his attention or re-directing it to something else. A firm hand hold can never go wrong either. Plus it's not fair to think that Abner would never be able to go out because of something someone else is responsible for.

Still, they mostly go out to the Euphony Lounge and that's a safe place to be. It's stimulating for Abner without being too much in the DJ booth, and Darius is able to enjoy a job he really likes. Sometimes they'll even dance together up there, just getting lost in the music and each other's presence.

I think that's everything I have at the moment, ha ha, I love these two,

- Sarsee

[purplesurveys]

1958

What song do you want played at your wedding? Pianist YouTuber James Wong did a gorgeous rendition of The Astronaut and for the last year it's been my go-to answer for this kind of question, even if only for a hypothetical wedding.

What is one thing you’ve been waiting patiently for for quite some time?    Obviously...BTS returning as a full group. I can't believe it was all the way back in 2022 when they dropped the enlistment announcement like a million pound bag of bricks – and that we're now less than six months away from seeing them back. It feels surreal. That day is going to be the happiest.

When was the last time you sat in front of a bonfire? 🔥🪵    We didn't sit in front of it but Angela, Hans, and I went to the bonfire at UP the night after we won in men's basketball. There were also SOOOO many people around + the fire was huge and uncomfortable anyway, so we spent just like 2 minutes in front to take a few photos then went back to the concert area to watch the performances.

If you could meet any American Idol contestant (from any season), which one would you choose to meet? I'm not interested enough in any of them to want to meet them, ahaha sorry.

If you could meet any American Idol judge (from any season), which one would you choose to meet?  Probably Paula Abdul as she's always seemed so sweet!

If you had to choose between competing on American Idol or on Fear Factor, which one would you choose, and why?    Fear Factor.

Which name do you like best for a girl: Harmony or Harvest?    Either sounds like a recipe for bullying so no thanks. I got bullied for being named Robyn, what more for these which are both pretty much unheard of as names on this side of the planet?

What is your favorite type of oil?   There are so many kinds of oil dude. But anyway the first thing that came to mind was sesame oil so I'll go with that.

Have you ever been anointed with oil?   I uh...think so? Oil is part of Catholic baptism rites no? lol in any case I'm pretty sure I have been.

Which do you like better: the smell of old books, or the smell of new books?  New books. I can't stand the smell and touch of old ones.

Which smell do you like better: the smell of old books, or the smell of gasoline?  Gasoline.

When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone?    Hm. Probably Dev. We've talked a lot about our careers over the last few weeks.

When was the last time you played with sparklers?  Never. They seem terrifying.

What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on?    The only thing I can think of is the bare ground on our rooftop at noon. Otherwise I'm pretty damn conscious of things I step on precisely because I'm sensitive to pain, so there hasn't been much that's been extra painful.

What is something you have recently realized?    I'm kinder than I give myself credit for.

If you could study abroad for a year in a foreign country, which country do you think you would choose, and why?    Thailand. I've been there and the culture and everyday ambiance is right up my alley, so seems like the ideal choice. There are lots of slights improvements vs being in Manila (good public transport, big sidewalks, infinitely more LGBT-friendly) but at the same time it's still within SEA which I prefer – I hate 180º culture shocks, which being in the US or Europe would give me.

What are three little things in life that you enjoy?    Driving during holidays, sharing a laugh or conversation with complete strangers, when a lack of light pollution allows me to see 5x more stars in the sky.

If applicable, what song are you listening to right now?    A piano cover of Jin's Epiphany.

When was the last time you wore your hair up in a bun?    It's been months. I do a half-pony these days.

If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? I dunno...is there a place where I'm less likely or won't be yelled at for being brown? Haha. Illinois is one, I guess, since it's always been a goal of mine to travel to Chicago. New York, too, so I can visit Times Square. I'm generally scared of the prospect of going there, though.

Do you think you express yourself better in writing or out loud?    Writing.

What’s the most amazing miracle you’ve ever witnessed? ✨    I don't believe in miracles.

Do you enjoy being home alone?   Sure.

What is the most magical thing you’ve ever experienced? ✨    Discovering BTS and grabbing their hand that held out to me when I desperately needed it most. The first few months of being Army were the best :)

What was the last hot beverage you drank? ☕️    Hot chocolate.

What is your favorite season?    We don't have seasons.

Do you think your hair looks better curly or straight?    Neither - I prefer it wavy.

Have you ever donated blood? 🩸    No.

Would you rather eat at the Hard Rock Cafe or the Rainforest Cafe? Hard Rock – I have no idea what the other is.

Are you a good swimmer? 🩱 Good enough to enjoy my time in the water, not expert enough to enter competitions or survive being stranded at sea for >1 day.

Would you rather attend a yoga class or a Zumba class?    Zumba.

Have you written anything down today? ✍️    Nope.

What color is your camera case (if you have one)?    I don't own one, but the closest I have is my phone - the case is dark purple.

What do you consider ideal weather for spring?    ?

Have you experienced anything supernatural today? ✨    No.

What are three things you like that start with the same letter as your middle name?    Iced coffee, ice skating, IU.

What year did you join Facebook?    2012, I think? Or 2013.

Which do you use more: Facebook or Instagram?    Instagram.

Would you say you’ve had a good week so far?    It's been AMAZING but holy full schedule Batman the holiday season has been a different beast when it comes to my daily itinerary + errands I've needed to do. Monday (23) I had to go out to get gifts for my dad's side; Tuesday (24) I went out again to do the same thing because I forgot one person from the list + I felt like getting my sister another present since we had to open the PS5 in advance to check if it works HAHA (I got it for her ~2 weeks before Christmas); Wednesday (25) we went to visit my dad's family; Thursday (26) we had to go to the dentist for an appointment + have my sister checked for her wisdom tooth extraction; Friday (27) I got gifts for my co-workers + the pets. Then today (28) I need to head out to take the dogs to the vet + tomorrow (29) we'll be at Bulacan again for a family reunion + day after tomorrow (30-31) we're doing another staycation somewhere + day after that I head straight to work on the 31st for a public NYE party. FUCK. Jan 1st seems to be free but I'll need to spend that whole day packing because from the 2nd to the 5th I'll be in Japan for a trip. MAKE IT STOP HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

What are three of your favorite ways to enjoy spring? 🌸    ?

Do you own a pair of pink pants? Nope.

[agent-felix]

WELCOME!!!!!!

Welcome to my little corner of the universe!! Happy to have ya!!

My name is Felix! Short for Felixian, long for Ian. You can call me any of the three, but I'm most used to Felix. I'm a trans guy who uses he/they/it pronouns!!

My persona (and IEYTD fan character) is Agent Felix! He's an agent-in-training with no handler, and is mostly working at solving stuff without using technology. He used to work for Dr Zoraxis in that field, not really caring if he got paid or not since he was doing what he loved. Eventually, he turned to be a reformed villain after hearing about Agent Pheonix's work. He's pretty gullible, and could switch back to the evil side if persuaded enough, but since he constantly wears an agency t-shirt he'll stick with the agency for a long time. (The agency knew they could manipulate him into staying for that reason.) He doesn't have a handler- in fact, he's been mostly self-training since everyone's kinda scared of him. (He has REALLY sharp teeth and can't bite anyone because of that. He has bit people in the past out of reflexes. He's working on it :D ) He's startled really easily and can barely remember simple things- he jumps at any loud noise, forgets where he puts his shoes, etc., yet somehow he remembers where people leave their stuff and forget. He's really helpful like that. He's always loved helping people, good or bad. He doesn't have telekinesis... yet. He's trying to replicate the kinesium device implant so it can be used for new agency members like him. He's also trying to figure out a safer, less terrifying way for it to be implanted.

By the way, if Felix hugs you then you are special to him in some way!! He loves hugs but is generally touch-repulsed UNLESS he really wants to hug the person. So it's really rare for him to hug anyone. Congrats to anyone he's hugged already!

Agent Felix is basically just me as a goober agent!! So please be nice!! If you're mean, we'll probably take it as a joke or something-

Oh, and feel free to be weird around me! ...Not like. Sexual weird or anything- I'd like to keep this PG/PG-13 :'D (Horror stuff is accepted!! I love that stuff)

Fanart is also highly appreciated and encouraged!! You have no idea how much my day gets brightened up when I see that stuff. (It's like anti-depressants for me haha)

Asks are accepted!! You can ask about anything as long as it follows the rules!!

Rules:

-Nothing sexual (Flirting is ok but there's a good chance it'll fly right over my head)

-Nothing that is like. Super weird (simping is- well- I'm not sure?? I've never had it happen before so...)

-Be nice!! No bullying!!

-Don't be LGBT-phobic because I'm trans and bi + ace and so is Agent Felix!!

-Don't like.. ask for art because I'm very tentative about it and only doodle what I really want to doodle unless I get something in return (Art trades are okay sometimes!! Just ask!!)

Felix reference!!!

Please don't steal like actually I will start sobbing

If you need to contact me more efficiently my username on Discord is telekinesium !!

random Agent Felix facts under the cut hehe

-He's a teenager, but the agency has no idea. He was known by Zoraxis and his operatives as the Teen Prodigy. Sometimes used as a compliment, the rest of the time used as a spite name.

-Self-taught in everything he believes he needs to know- science, math, art, English and Spanish. Science includes all forms of science but mostly geology, technology and psychology. He loves researching mental disorders, for some reason. (Some of the things listed were taught by Zor himself.)

-He also loves playing piano! He overheard someone playing it when he was about six years old and managed to convince them into giving him lessons.

-He's very sensitive to sound so it's likely that if an alarm goes off he'll just be stuck there covering his ears.

-He loves singing, too! His voice is high-pitched and gives him disphoria pretty massively, so he sings to relieve it. (He loves his singing voice!)

-The Death Engine actually traumatized him. He refuses to talk about it :')

-He's very weather-sensitive. As soon as it gets colder than usual he'll be wearing clothes for winter while it's only fall. He'll keep that outfit for a few months then switch to something less heavy. Same for summer- as soon as it gets hot he'll be in short sleeves and shorts, maybe flip flops if it's 5⁰ above normal. Then he'll ease back into regular clothes.

-He's the reason why Dr Zor is evil

[chloearit]

// discussion of csa and other potentially distressing things

One day I'd found myself alone with nothing to do. I noticed my father's old piano, off in the corner of the living room. It hadn't been used in well over a year, not since I played for him when I turned 14 shortly before his death.

I pulled it out of the corner and sat down in front of it. Started pressing some keys. Memories flashed through my mind. I started playing. After a couple failed starts I managed to play one of the pieces I'd learned almost without error. Then another. Then I just started playing freely.

I almost didn't notice when Nikita walked in the room.

I trailed off and turned to them.

They looked surprised. "You play? ... It sounds good."

"Just messing around... my father made me learn it."

They smiled and walked up to me. "You just keep revealing new skills I never knew you had."

"I didn't get to do much as a kid other than study."

Nika pressed a key. Then a couple more.

I joined in. "Father would make me play for him." I scoffed. "Not to make things weird..."

"Don't ever worry about making things weird," they muttered, tapping away at the keys.

"He made me undress, and then play. I think he got off to it."

"People get off to all kinds of weird things."

That made me pause. I stayed their hands. "How do you know that?"

"Long story." They returned to pressing keys.

"You should get a chair." I looked around the room.

They nodded, and quickly left to get one from another room.

For a moment, there was silence again. I felt Father's hands on my body.

The sound of a chair being pulled up next to me got me out of it. I made room and looked Nikita up and down as they sat.

"Do you know how to play?"

"No," they answered with a smile.

"I'll teach you."

I showed them some chords to play. They learned quickly. After a couple of repetitions, they started speaking while continuing to practice: "I had to find ways to make money after I got away from my parents. You meet a lot of weird people like that, and you hear stories. Obviously I got a lot of the creepier weirdos, but there's a lot of people who are just freaks."

"Like who?"

"One guy I heard of apparently makes his 'partners' play out elaborate death scenes with him. He comes every time without ever once touching himself. And then he just leaves. He's not a pedo though, just a freak, so I've never met him."

"He... acts out killing his partners?"

"No, no, he has them act out killing him."

"Huh."

"I kinda get it though, to be honest."

"What?"

"Have you never thought about what it would be like to get killed?"

I didn't respond. Of course I had, but... "Not like that."

They laughed. "You're so straightlaced."

"I don't think that's a word anyone's ever used to describe me."

"You're not a freak."

"You don't know that."

"What's your secret, then?"

"Huh?" I looked around the room, and paused. "Is anyone else here?"

"For real?" They smiled. "Just you and me."

I took a deep breath. "I get these intrusive... experiences sometimes. I don't know what to call them."

"Flashbacks?"

"No. They're not things that ever actually happened to me. Not like that." I shook my head.

"Fantasies?"

"Weird ones. Scenes of being... raped. Being a little kid and having horrible things done to me. And. I don't know... sometimes they don't feel all that bad? They feel almost nice. I don't... like it but I do... I do get off on it... is that... wrong?"

"Well, if it is, we're both marked for damnation."

"Huh?"

"Lu. You literally kill people for a living. I think that's more morally questionable than whatever you're worried about."

"But, I- I do it because-"

"Because of what they do, right? What they did to you, to me, to other children."

"Yes."

"Not because of whatever odd fantasies they might have. Because of what they chose to do."

"But what if I become like them-"

"You're stronger than that. That's what makes you different from them. You don't just give into your base urges. You care too much to ever hurt someone who's innocent."

"You don't know that."

"Using someone like that is an extremely callous, selfish thing to do. Every normal human recoils at the thought. That's why you're so ashamed of it. That's good. But you're not a bad person if you allow yourself to stop worrying so much about it. There's a big difference between an impure thought and an evil action. I think most people are very aware of where that line is, and they will never cross it, no matter how much they like to indulge in the fantasy. I've known you for a while now, believe me when I tell you, I don't think you would ever cross that line. But if you need my help to feel more secure, I'll help you with that."

"I think I'd appreciate that."

"It's your actions that define if you're a good person or not, and the impact you have on the world. You've helped a lot of people lead better lives. You're a good person, Lúcia."

// by Lúcia and Chloe