#it's been over a year since i finished orv for the first time

[ryxkenkxgami]

fun fact orv literally ruined trains for me

[sylveaugust]

SPOILER ALERT FOR Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint Ep 7. Landlord and a teeny part of This Savage Song

I have like seventeen memos of brainstorming a crossover between Monsters of Verity and Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint that I wrote last year and now that I look at them they're just... uhm.

I was thinking that since August is technically a monster, I could probably insert him somewhere during the third scenario where those monsters get summoned through some portal... to be more exact the precise moment at the start of Landlord (6)(webtoon-wise; in the webnovel it's a little after the start of Landlord (5)) which is a little after KDJ turns into a ghost. And then it would be because some entity from above(which is me, as the writer; this was serious fourth wall stuff ngl) meddled with the fabric of reality for fun asdfwoeuriowejfilsj

I ended up postponing that idea for after I finished the actual ORV novel(and those side stories that are keeping on updating these days), but now that I read it it's like brainrot. I'm gonna put one single excerpt here in case you're curious. I have this first scene in like five different memos probably now... I'll rewrite it someday probably idk

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at the place where Kim Dokja had just been in disbelief. He couldn't have been that foolhardy. He wouldn't have dared. But Kim Dokja was now a ghost indeed. In his arms, Gilyoung screamed two words over and over.

"Hyung! Dokja Hyung!"

Of course, the kid didn't know exactly what happened, but Yoo Joonghyuk decided it was useless to try and explain. Yet.

But there was something else that caught his eye. Among the flurry of monsters coming from the portal, there seemed to be a figure of... a boy. He was certainly outside the green zone, simply standing there, but the monsters weren't attacking him, which was odd. And after most of the monsters passed the tunnel into Chungmu Station, Yoo Joonghyuk could see the boy clearly. The boy looked like a teenager, but he didn't look Korean. Although his face was extraordinarily smooth, Joonghyuk could clearly read confusion in the boy's dark grey eyes. Which soon met his. And narrowed.

A flurry of questions rose in Joonghyuk's mind. Who was he? Why hadn't the monsters attacked him? Would he come in handy? Was he a threat? Was he... a monster?

The last question was because Joonghyuk had seen monsters that looked human, more than once. It was also the best answer he could think of, since the boy most likely came from the same portal as the other monsters. But he didn't remember such a boy appearing in the tunnel in his previous times here, so anything was likely... Joonghyuk would have to read the boy's answers carefully.

Gilyoung noticed the newcomer as well. "Hyung?" he called. It was probably the first logical answer that came to him. He wouldn't have known what happened to Dokja, and this boy appeared right after Dokja vanished. But Gilyoung soon noticed the lack of recognition in the stranger's eyes. "You're not Dokja-hyung..."

The boy raised an eyebrow. "Who's Dokja-hyung?" he asked.

Before Yoo Joonghyuk could ask who the boy was, Gilyoung answered the boy's question. "He saved my life in the subway. He was protecting me until he gave me to this ahjussi," he pointed to Yoo Joonghyuk, who made a mental note to tell Gilyoung not to call him ahjussi, "and he got surrounded by monsters. Then he disappeared. Have you seen him?"

"No," said the boy. His brow had subtly twitched at the word "monsters"...

[This statement is true.]

Before the boy could say anything else, Yoo Joonghyuk asked his question.

"Who are you?"

The boy hesitated for a second, then answered. "Frederick Gallagher. You can call me Freddie."

[This statement is partly true.] Hmm...

"You don't look very much like a Freddie. An alias?"

The boy looked at him strangely. "...How did you know?" he asked.

"I have a skill," said Yoo Joonghyuk before he could stop himself. Dammit. He should have said something else.

"What skill?"

"Lie detection," he blurted once again, and silently hoped that Not-Freddie would think he was joking. The boy didn't seem to know anything about the skills of this world, which, depending on how he thought about it, made either total sense or no sense at all. "I don't suppose you'll be telling me your real name anytime soon?"

"Not yet." Of course not. Yoo Joonghyuk would have to use his Sage's Eye again.

[Sage's Eye is activated.]

[This information is currently inaccessible by the Sage's Eye.]

'Who are you?' he thought. Was this boy like Kim Dokja?

[crystalcatgamer]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tag by @havenotwillnotreadthebooks, lo, Kefi!

How many works do you have on AO3?

122 🎵 I’ve orphaned and deleted a few along the years, though.

What fandoms do you write for?

Uhhhh. Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint (ORV), Boboiboy, Jujutsu Kaisen and more. Currently really, really fixated on One Piece though I haven’t written fic yet, but am cooking so much toxic doomed brothers food (Donquixote Bros)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Vis la goddamn DSMP phase always going to be my biggest mark in the world. Excluding discontinued fics and stuff I’m not happy with anymore for now…

Run, run (Here comes the boy) 1415 kudos

May the odds (Be ever in your favour) 1203 kudos

There are days where I don’t know the person in the mirror (And there are days I don’t care) 1161 kudos

Hold you in my hands like hot tea 1155 kudos

Knowing I’m safe cause you want me 1052 kudos (A sequel to fourth place!)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to every single comment I can, though sometimes I might miss some! I’ll catch them months later lmao. It’s always fun to chat with ppl about what’s in my fic

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back. This is an ORV fic, doomed Doksoo (beloved) and since it’s canon compliant… yeah. ‘Twas full of angst that came from love.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The deep blue of summer nights. This was a cute ORV fic born of me wanting to write Secretive Plotter’s birthday being celebrated by ABFD, SWK and Uriel! They’re my fav rare dynamic

Do you get hate on fics?

I think the closest I got was some discourse on my DSMP fic? To be expected, and it was cleared up soon enough!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I did like years ago lmao, tucked into the depths of the internet. Definitely not on main, for this is a family friendly account sir. It was fun in a way but also I hated writing it most of the time??? More of a reader than a writer I would say. As for what kind… while, I wrote what I liked ☆

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I HAVE THREE (3) CROSSOVERS AND THEY’RE BOTH WITH JUJUTSU KAISEN. Maybe I’m more insane over JJK then I thought I was. In my defence they’re easy to cross. Okay so basically my craziest one is this ORV X JJK one (Something blue, something new) in which I wrote the ship Kim Dokja x Gojo Satoru because I was commissioned to

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope and I hope I never do!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not, but as long as people ask first I’m always open to it.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A FNAF fic I wrote with Kefi (the one who pinged me for this game): Many vegetables, one soup, and a work full of original poems with @thenamelesshaven: You are made of the sea and the stars (and one day you are going to find yourself again)

What’s your all time favourite ship?

[glances at my art gallery] Recently, LawLu from One Piece and… Sharron/Maric from Lord Of The Mysteries

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

We Shouldn’t Be This Kind Of Tired At Our Age! An ORV fic featuring Yoo Mia witnessing Yoo Joonghyuk’s changes with every turn!

What are your writing strengths?

Uhhhh. Being able to churn out stuff at the speed of light. And writing angst (lol)

What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually having a proper outline, ehe. It’s why I usually write one-shots.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Uhhhh I? Might do it some day? I’m just a bilingual guy who barely passed Chinese. It’s cool when other people who know what they’re writing about do it in their fics tho.

First fandom you wrote for?

Ehe. VIS LA BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA (MY HERO ACADEMIA) but the fic’s been orphaned to the void ✌🏻

Favourite fic you’ve written?

Woah. Tough question, scrambling for it… this one! when I look in his eyes, well, I just see the sky. It’s a Black Butler fic I wrote recently for Whumptober (2023), Elizabeth Midford centric! I love her a lot <3

[toftie]

orv spoilers under sorry

been reading some theories and like i love the idea so much about kim dokja being a co-author to orv, because that means i think everybody in the main trio was a co-author at some point now, possible even everyone in KimCo as well as others who have helped them

1863!revised HSY started writing TWSA in order to save KDJ → but the epilogue was never finished before her ego got integrated into her subconscious → then events of ORV starts (which everything we have been reading was actually recorded this whole time by 1864 HSY) but this was not fully completed by herself this time unlike the first time she wrote TWSA. in the epilogue she notes she actually had to get help from everyone they've met, extracting their fables and asking them to recount their experiences of everything up till now. then at some point she wasn't able to continue writing and YJH had to continue writing his own parts in when he was in space, maybe he even edited some parts where his point of view was needed, and then finally after KDJ wakes up, as the last piece of the final puzzle, he finishes writing the story together with them probably after he recovered, filling in his own point of view on parts that only he would know (which is a lot as he is the main character)

i just love how this was a story started by one person that was only able to be completed with the help of many people, something that would not be possible if KDJ wasn't able to help all of them as he did. it was written with love to bring back/save one person (KDJ) and when he did eventually come back as implied by the ending, he wrote the epilogue in a way that made it so that it was to save the reader (us). rephrasing the beginning texts of TWSA in order to tell the reader that they will be able to survive, just as he was able to survive

also. like i still cant stop thinking about the 0 turn, like i keep thinking is that right? did i read this right? did YJH really choose to regress of own his volition just so he could meet KDJ? like that was the beginning of his regressions right? i kept thinking why? why would he choose to leave his perfect happy ending and go through the hellish scenarios again over and over, granted that the scenarios will be hellish because he loses all memories and KDJ isnt there to help him, just to meet him?

i dont think i'll ever fully understand and i think maybe YJH doesn't understand either, and maybe thats fine and thats just how it is. maybe deep down he feels like KDJ should be a part of his happy ending, like physically a part of it, rather than just an observer or a constellation watching them live it (paralleling the 1864th ending with him watching his avatar live happy with KimCo) since if it wasn't for KDJ, they would not have lived happily ever after. maybe its just how YJH loves, i dont know. i mean even after they finish the 1865th turn and go back to normal lives, YJH literally becomes so restless and unable to do anything with himself that he becomes a terrorist to take the Ark and implying to go to another worldline to find KDJ again. AGAIN. like he was literally haggard and disheveled looking and couldnt even keep up his gamer job because maybe he felt like his happy ending wasnt complete without that idiot(?) he was willing to, and actually did, lose more years of his life going to space, for like an indefinite amount of time, and he knew this, he fucking knew this, and just like the first time he accepted the regression stigma, he went in the great beyond anyway just to find KDJ again. that is insanely absurd to me like explosions are going off rn

oh and actuallt wait no he wasnt alone, the group regression thing by itself was literally insane and also YJH reading ORV written by HSY with others really helped him cope with the burden he placed on himself, as hes the only one capable of doing the impossible (like KDJ with ressurecting)

it also kinda parallels with HSY again as she was initially alone when writing TWSA for KDJ (um i guess the dokkaebi king was with her too but like... that doesnt count cuz there isnt really a solid bond, more like employer and employee thing) which took up many years, and then she writes ORV with everyone's help later on which i think absolutely helped her and everyone cope with KDJ's absence. HSY lost many years of her life writing for one man, including the Kaixenix arc, just like how YJH lost years of his life fighting for one man while KDJ lost many years of his life sacrificing himself for everyone, by doing what he knows best, reading, to keep their stories alive while they lived out their happy ending. i think i am literally just talking in a loop now but when it comes to these 3 the parallels and symbolism are so insane with how interconnected and almost symbiotic everything is

also i was literally just doublechecking the definition of symbiosis and

[michaelmyersofficial]

Reading Updates As always, tags are for personal archiving purposes only.

ORV reread: Chapters 171 - 300. Not only did I get to chapter 200, I got to chapter 300! This feels like a good spot to pause and pick up reading something else on my tbr. I'll work towards 400 once I'm a little bit farther in on my planned summer reading. (Summers almost over and I have 2 books left in my schedule). Lythande: 100%. This was a pretty horrible book. There were aspects that weren't the worst, and the last story, written by a different author, was not half as bad as anything that came before. However, it's still my least enjoyable read of the year. Percy Jackson & the Sea of Monsters: 100%. Got this on audiobook from the library. I finished it rather quickly, but honestly I felt like the story was less strong than in the first book, but the overarching plot of the series and characterization is still quite good. Secret of the Stars: 100%. This was a zine for the video game Genshin Impact. It features the characters Aether and Albedo in a romantic relationship. This isn't my top ship for either of these characters but I do think it's a very cute one. I enjoyed the stories and art within. Crown of Midnight: 100%. This was another library read. Sequel to Throne of Glass. There were a few things that irritated me in this book compared to the first one, but I still enjoyed it and will pick up the third. This Is How You Lose the Time War: 55% Just started this as my second to last summer reading schedule. I'm really enjoying it so far, and the unique way it's written really allows you to get into the heads of the characters and understand them better. There are a few things that were a bit confusing at first, since none of the terminology is explained and each letter is a jump to some other part of the time stream. However this has been a great read so far and I'm excited to be able to finish it soon. TBR: The Great Hunt. Sequel to Eye of the World. I'm hoping to be able to start and finish this one for the month of August to finish my summer reading schedule, but as it's quite a lot to read, I might not finish it until the start of September. Next 100 ORV. Once I've finished my Summer tbr I'm diving back into ORV and hoping to get to chapter 400 as part of my autumn reading goals. Boyfriend Material. I was recommended this as I enjoyed Red, White, and Royal Blue. I'm not much of a contemporary romance guy, but I've been trying to expand my horizons in that direction, so hopefully I'll enjoy this one. I'll be getting it from the library and reading it as part of my autumn schedule. The Wind By My Side. This is a single issue fancomic for Genshin Impact. The main pairing is Zhongli and Venti. This is another where I do really enjoy this pairing but it's not my favourite ship for them. Still, as it's a single issue it should be pretty easy to pick up for autumn reading. Good Omens. I read this years ago and wanted to write a review for it and found that I'd forgotten enough of it that it warranted a reread before doing so, so I added it to my autumn goals. A Court of Mist and Fury. I read ACOTAR at the start of the summer and enjoyed it, though I don't think it was as good as Throne of Glass. I'm a little nervous about picking this one up due to spoilers I've seen about the series and some of the characters, but I don't think it's going to be bad, and I liked the first book so I'm going to be giving this one a try as my final book for the autumn reading list.

[xkseii]

Hi! Do you take ORV requests? If so can I request KDJ or YJH x Dom Male reader and they’re fwbs or just a very fluffy scenario with them?? If you don’t, sorry for wasting your time and have a nice day :D

⎮We meet again⎮

⏤ Characters: Dokja⎮reader

⏤ Including: nsfw (-17) & sfw

⏤ Warnings: sub! Dokja, top! Male reader, size kink, belly bulge, overstimulation, dacryphilia, mind-breaking, mention of blood, creampie

⏤ 2.500 words

You have known Dokja for a long while, since the seventh grade, actually. You had always been the popular guy while Dokja was just considered as less than a support character. He had always been bullied and ignored by everyone, nobody would talk to him and if they do, it would be to make fun of him. You felt pity for him many times but never tried to do anything, like anyone else, you would let it happen since you did not want to lose your status.

One night, after school, you discovered an interesting web novel, surprisingly, before the first 100th chapter, all readers stopped reading and only one continued to. You spend days and nights reading it, in class, at home, before going to sleep till you would nearly pass out and early in the morning. As you were reading one of what seems like the most recent chapter, you unknowingly sat next to Dokja and were forced to put your phone down when the teacher arrived.

As you push your phone to the side to get your notebook out of your bag, you hear a gasp next to you. You turn around with a frown, noticing how Dokja was looking at you with stars in his eyes. It was the first time you saw him make a face like this.

“You read it too?!”

Your eyes widen as you see him point out the novel still open on your phone. And for the first time, your eyes really met, and you see an unmistakable passion in his eyes for this story. And that's how you end up talking for the entire hour, not caring about anything but this passion in common. Slowly by surely you became friends, spending more and more time together, he would still avoid you at school, so you don't get in trouble because of him, but you would see each other outside.

This friendship blossomed over a year, and at some point, the line between this friendship, sexual relation and love blurred, making you unable to see its real limit. What should be innocent meetings to go shopping and have fun, was always ending up in Dokja being bent over some furniture. Whenever someone would get too close to you, it would end up with Dokja being jealous and annoying you so badly till you would fuck him out of frustration. If he ever felt bad, he would knock at your door, ignoring the hour, and spend the night here, watching series and eating snacks before living the next morning after kissing you on the lips.

In your last year of school, your friendship has changed a bit, in a way you never thought was possible, everything turned into something more intimate. Sadly, you got separated after the entrance exam that he failed, as he got into a third-rate college, and you got into the college you dreamed of for years.

You tried to stay close, but it was difficult. After some time, you stopped talking, but you kept sending him messages in the hope he would reply, he never did. You kept trying, texting mostly about the only thing you had in common, that story, you did not care if he was not going to reply, you just wanted to show him you were still there.

You could still see him comment after each chapter was published, always at that same hour, which you understood was when he finished his work. After some time, you started to do the same, but always one hour before him, so he could see them at the end of each chapter.

-----

This day was supposed to be the end of TWSA. And it was with this inexplicable anxiety that you opened the chapter, reading it with so much joy and also pain as if a chapter of your life just ended with this novel. And finally, you were on the last panel. As you close the app, you received a message from whom you think was the author, which was thanking you, and at the same time sends you an attached file, the novel.

And that's how the nightmare started, in this car, the 3707th. The man in front of you, who seemed familiar, was Junghyeok Yu. You were shivering, was it already your end? The nightmare has just started, but it was already your turn, or you thought so. Before the main scenario starts, you run away, the door of the car in front of you half-opened. As you escape, you turn your head before leaving, your eyes meeting with dark black eyes, looking at you suspiciously. But before he could attack you, the main scenario started, and you were already out of his reach.

Surprisingly, you still felt his eyes on you as you hide in the crowd, you look back and see him standing behind the half-opened door, observing you. You can't help but offer him a big smile before giving him the finger, snickering as you run away.

Thankfully as you were panicking, you noticed a fly on a seat, and quickly, you crush it with your hand. It was disgusting, but you were alive, and you had completed the task.

-----

The first time you saw Dokja again, was on that bridge, you were hiding from Junghyeok. But you never thought you would see Dokja being grabbed by the neck, as his legs were swaying over a blank space. There was no need for you to scream as it seems they both sensed your presence, turning their head in sync, one looking at you in hatred and the other in shock, a single tear sliding down his cheek. Suddenly, he tries to escape from Junghyeok's grip, choking out your name with a desperate smile as he cries.

Too focused on Dokja, you missed the other man's expression and all of a sudden, Junghyeok lets go of him, and Dokja falls into the river, without thinking, you run to him, passing Junghyeok and jumped. Before Junghyeok could grab you, you were already falling down with Dokja, and he felt a terrible feeling take over his heart, but it was too late.

This decision would be dumb in any other situation, but you were a reader, and you knew what would happen and how to prevent it. So, before Dokja could drown, you grab his hands, pulling him up to the surface. Together, you got out of this giant sea commander, unscathed or at least, not dead.

-----

As you were resting at the Geumho station with the others, you're suddenly aware of how the feeling that you suppressed for years came back, and at full force. Your thoughts started to get mixed up, fortunately, you walked away before it could happen, so the others would not worry about you. As you lose your calm, you feel a hand run through your hair, you raise your head, eyes meeting Dokja's.

It was impossible for you to ignore the tenderness in them, it was too obvious, too powerful, and with this discreet and sincere smile of his that was making your heart warm up. And after so many years without seeing each other, he just kisses you calmly, without saying a word as if it was natural.

A gasp was heard from behind you, Huiwon was there, with her hand over her mouth, but you could still see the dark blush on her cheeks and ears. She giggles before doing a thumbs up, running away from the two of you. You stand there, as you process the information before you start to panic, you could feel your cheeks warming up as you cover them with your hands.

“Ah. I thought I left without them noticing… Whatever.

I missed you.”

His words moved you, but you came back to the others like nothing happened. You see Huiwon smirks at you but does not say anything. You send her a playful glare before sitting next to Hyeonseong, yawning as you rest your head on his shoulder, you should leave the station soon so why not take a little nap before.

-----

You had already passed the sub scenario with the illusory prison, and you were now much closer to the next station. Thankfully you knew how to get out of this zone, but it still took you some minutes, and it affected you greatly. Without you noticing, instead of Dokja walking in front of all of you, he was staying beside you, walking at your pace.

Huiwon who was behind Dokja nudged him, pointing at you with her finger and after, linked her hands together with an amused smile. As you were oblivious to what was happening, conversing with Hyeonseong, you suddenly feel something warm engulfing your hand. You did not need to look to see what it was as you just tighten your hold back, a discreet smile taking over your face as you continue to converse with Hyeonseong.

You were finally able to have a rest at Chungmuro station, the atmosphere was strange. There was this tension in the air that you could not ignore but could not identify either. The others were searching for a nice place to sit down and relax, and you also left with Dokja to do the same. But nothing looked fine, either there were too many people or it was just a disgusting place filled with rubbish.

You continue to take random turns, Dokja following closing behind you in silence, as you hope to find somewhere at least proper to rest when you stop in front of a dead-end, you sign and ruffle your hair in frustration. It felt like hours passed, and you were getting annoyed, but before you could turn around and leave, an arm wrapped itself around your waist. You feel a head nuzzling against your back, the other free hand sliding down your torso to your crotch.

Your eyes widened, body tensing up under Dokja's touch. You look around in panic, what if someone could see you?

“There is nobody here. We are all alone.

I was getting frustrated. We haven't seen each other for years…

Haven't touched each other for years… And you don't even look at me.”

You wanted to reply something, at least to calm his urges but nothing came out of your mouth. It was as if he stole your breath away at the same instant he stole your heart.

“Don't push me away. We weren't lovers before, but you loved me, right?

Ever since we started playing around…

So, why can't we be lovers now? Nothing can separate us.”

And that's you ended up with a naked Dokja, as you pushed him against the wall. Hoisting him up, and let him wrap his legs around your waist before you slid your cock into him. Your larger body hides him from possible prying eyes, beside you, he looked ridiculously small but deliciously tempting. When your cock entered him, you could only admire how his body tightened around you, slutty moans being ripped from his throat, and how you could see a lump in his stomach, becoming more pronounced as you push yourself deeper into him. What could have been a lovely reunion between old friends turned out to be a more sexual one driven by lust.

With each thrust, you would hit his prostate dead-on, not caring about how loud he was being. His tears and screams turn you on ever more as you destroyed his inside. His nails that were dragging up your back were starting to dig into your skin, and drops of blood were falling on the floor. But it was as if nothing could reach your mind right now, the pain subdued by the pleasure coursing through your veins, the only thing you wanted to do was to make Dokja forget his name. You roughly grab his face, observing how his eyes looked dazed and cloudy, seems like he would not come back to his normal state for a while.

You wanted to take revenge for all the years he left you behind, not trying to contact you again. And now he was coming back like nothing happened? You could not accept it, he had to pay. But you loved him too much to hurt him, so you did what you could do best, make his mind go blank and force him to submit to you. That thought alone made your body react on its own, you grabbed one of his legs, holding it up before plunging as deep as you could. The loud moan you received confirmed he did not mind that one bit.

You were filling him so nicely, Dokja could feel himself go dumb on your cock, he only wanted to be filled to the brim, marked by you as if he was just your plaything. Why hasn't he contacted you before? How could he let someone like you get away from him, you that he loved so dearly? He was glad you never forgot him because now, he could become yours again, and this time, he won't leave.

The next thrust made him moan out loud, he was not able to stop crying, the tears drying on his cheeks immediately being replaced by new ones. His head was blank, he could only see you, hear you and smell you. Your scent, either it was a perfume or your natural smell filled his nostril, it was suffocating him. Each thrust forced the air out of his lungs, mouth wide open to let out noises he would be embarrassed about after.

As you continued to fuck him, his eyes lulled to the back of his head, his body was on fire, and he could not think or breathe. Everything was blurry around him as came for the first time, his cum landing on his stomach, but you did not stop moving. Even after he begged you to slow down.

Some time has passed, and you had already came once in him, but it did not stop you. You could feel your legs giving out, but you refused to give up now, you were too far lost in your pleasure to notice how you had already broken him completely.

He was a mess, his body marked from his legs to his jaw, blood dripping out from the bites, the view made heat pool to your crotch. You feel your body tense up before you pump your cum deep into him, reaching places both of you never thought possible. Another load followed quickly, the previous bulge that was showing through his stomach now inflated with your cum.

His stomach was covered in a watery fluid, he cummed so many times that he was not able to orgasm correctly anymore. Only some drops would get out of his cock. The only way you knew he was cumming was the scream ripping out of his throat and how he would tighten around you as if he was trying to coax your orgasms out of you.

And suddenly, Dokja passed out, he never had enough stamina to endure you till the end. Thankfully, you were also exhausted, and so, you managed to pull out before you fall on your knees, Dokja sleeping in your arms. You clean him with the tissues that he had in his pocket before dressing him back up. You replace your clothes correctly, covering the best you could the stains of cum Dokja left on your shirt and pants before picking him up.

You lay down on the first bench you see, placing Dokja on top of you. You sigh and decide to kiss him gently before you fall asleep. Unbeknown to you, he woke up some moments before, and as you were sleeping while holding him close to you, he watches your face with a lovesick expression. He moves the collar of your shirt out of the way before biting down hard on your neck, making sure it would be a mark that will not disappear for a long while. And now, with a small smile, he kisses you once or twice, or maybe more before snuggling into your hold. Your body's warmth envelops him and coaxes him into falling asleep.

When the others came back, they were greeted with the sight of you and Dokja cuddling up on the bench. As Sangah and Gilyoung were looking at the two of you with stars in their eyes, murmuring to each other about how cute you were; Hyeonseong would just stare in jealousy on the side, him who thought you had something for him from the way you were acting. He turns around and leaves in heavy silence.

Huiwon was looking fondly at you at first before noticing something… How your hair was dishevelled, the collar of your shirt had been pulled down to expose bite marks and also the wet patch on Dokja's pants that she could see from here. With a sigh, she forced the others to let you have your privacy. When you will wake up, she plans to scold the two of you so badly you will cry.

⏤ Thank you for reading! I wish you a great day.

⏤ here is my masterlist & ko-fi ⏤

[ravs6709]

Kiss The Cook- YJH & Kimcom

This fic was inspired by this post here by @kaptainkoalaoshiz . I saw it and had inspiration, and it's just short and sweet fluff, which happens to be my specialty

Technically takes place post epilogue, but other than some vague spoiler in the beginning, there's not really much spoilers, I think. It's my first orv fic, so I'm still kinda getting a hang of writing the dynamic, but enjoy!

Warnings- none, I think?

•~•~•~•~•~•

Han Sooyoung was the first in their group to wake up. Upon realizing that she was the only one awake, she grabbed her laptop and added on to her latest novel that she'd been writing. After a while, she couldn't figure out what to write next, so she got up and took a walk.

As each day passed by, the streets of Seoul began to look more like they did before the apocalypse. While it'd been over for a long time now, she still had to get used to being able to casually walk down the streets without the threat of a scenario looming.

It would have been an ordinary day- she'd finish her walk before going home, eat breakfast (mostly likely made by Yoo Joonghyuk), write some more until she'd make Kim Dokja read it over, argue with him over the edits being made, the usual.

Except… as she passed by a shop, a particular item caught her eye. She bought the item and walked home, a grin on her face.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Yoo Joonghyuk walked into the kitchen to make breakfast. In the past, he only cooked for himself, but once he started living with the others, everyone agreed that since he was the best cook, he'd make the most of the meals for everyone.

(He protested at first, then reluctantly agreed because he didn't like eating food cooked by other people. But it became something he enjoyed, the delighted smiles on their faces as they ate their meals made him feel a little warmer.)

He picked up his apron, then frowned. It looked similar to his apron- dark and plain- but there was writing on the front that definitely did not belong to his apron. The text was white, and read, "Kiss The Cook. "

It took him less than a second to know that this was a trap. The problem was, he didn't know who had switched the aprons, or when it had happened. Kim Dokja and Han Sooyoung would definitely pull a prank like this, but he wouldn't be surprised if they'd gotten Jung Heewon or even Yoo Mia involved. That meant that there were plenty of spots where his apron could be, and if Yoo Mia was involved, it meant that he wouldn't be getting his apron back, since she'd have it stored in her inventory.

With a resigned sigh, Yoo Joonghyuk put on the apron and started making breakfast.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Kim Dokja woke to the scent of food. He brushed his teeth, then went into the kitchen to see what was being prepared.

"Breakfast isn't ready," Yoo Joonghyuk said, not even bothering to turn around and look at him. "Get out of the kitchen."

Naturally, Kim Dokja did not not leave, and instead took a few steps forward.

"Oh, this looks good," he remarked.

"Of course it does," Yoo Joonghyuk replied, angling his body to turn away from him. "Now leave."

"What are you hiding?" He asked, moving so he could stand in front of him.

"Nothing, now get out." Except that he was still turning away.

It took nearly thirty seconds of moving around (and listening to Yoo Joonghyuk's threats) until Kim Dokja could finally see what he was trying to hide.

"Oh," he said, eyes falling on the writing. He grinned. "Well, don't mind if I do."

Kim Dokja gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then ran out of the kitchen. "This wasn't my idea!" He yelled.

"What are you yelling about?" Han Sooyoung asked. She turned to look at where he'd been running from. "Oh, that makes sense."

"Was it your idea?" He asked.

She nodded, a grin on her face. "He's lucky that I only found the apron in black. Either way, he'll probably kill me. Well, he'll kill you first. I wish I got to see his reaction when you went in."

"What did you do to oppa?" A high pitched voice asked. Kim Dokja and Han Sooyoung turned to see Yoo Mia.

Somehow, the grin on Han Sooyoung's face grew larger. "Let's go see him right now."

Kim Dokja stood at the entrance to the kitchen while Han Sooyoung and Yoo Mia walked inside. As Han Sooyoung approached Yoo Joonghyuk, he picked up a knife and pointed it at her, all without turning around.

"Leave the kitchen, Han Sooyoung," he ordered.

"Put that away," she warned. She picked up Yoo Mia in her arms. "You can't go around pointing a knife at your own sister."

Slowly, he turned around. He took one look at Yoo Mia looking at the knife disappointedly, then put the knife down.

"How'd you even know it was me in the first place?" she asked.

"Kim Dokja was just here, I figured you'd come next."

She shrugged. "Mia, do you see what it says on his apron?" She stepped closer towards him. "You know what to do."

Yoo Mia wrapped her arms around her brother's neck, then gave him a kiss on his cheek. She was loud about it, something Yoo Joonghyuk would scowl at, but because it was his sister, his expression actually softened instead. Han Sooyoung took that chance and stood on her toes to kiss him on the cheek too.

"Why are you so tall ?" she muttered with a curse.

"You're just short."

She cursed then left the kitchen. She put Yoo Mia down, who ran off.

"What a coward, bringing Mia with you," Kim Dokja told Han Sooyoung.

"Not all of us lack self-preservation skills," she replied. "It's called being strategic."

He opened his mouth to reply, but then Yoo Sangah passed by them.

"Good morning Dokja-ssi, Sooyoung-ssi," she greeted.

The two of them greeted her back, then watched as Yoo Sangah walked into the kitchen.

"Oh, I see," she said, looking at the apron Yoo Joonghyuk was wearing. She kissed him on the cheek, and unlike with the two of them, he didn't scowl. "Thank you for breakfast, and for everything else, Joonghyuk-ssi."

He nodded slowly.

The rest of Kim Dokja's Company began to get up, and quickly caught on to what was happening, each of them going to give Yoo Joonghyuk a kiss. 

"What do you look so confused about?" Jung Heewon asked. "You look like Dokja-ssi every time we tell him that we love him. Well guess what, you're a part of the family too." She kissed him on the cheek.

Before Yoo Joonghyuk could say anything, Jung Heewon left the kitchen.

("Do I really make that kind of face?" Kim Dokja whispered.

"Yeah, you do," Han Sooyoung replied.)

It was heart-warming when Lee Hyunsung carried Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung on his shoulders so the kids could give him kisses, before leaning down himself to give him a kiss on the forehead.

"Hey Master," Lee Jihye greeted. She kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks." Then she left.

Lee Seolhwa walked in soon afterwards. If it'd been in the past, it might have been awkward as she kissed him on the cheek. But after all the years that had passed by, it wasn't, and as she walked out of the kitchen, his lips curved up in a slight smile.

After breakfast was finished, Yoo Joonghyuk called everyone over so they could take their shares. Kim Dokja noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk had an odd expression on his face, but before he could figure out what it was, the apron was being forced onto him by strong arms.

In the past, Kim Dokja might have been able to overpower him, but at this point, the protagonist was clearly stronger. The apron was put on him with little resistance.

"It's your turn," Yoo Joonghyuk said, then held Kim Dokja tightly, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his forehead.

The rest of Kim Dokja's Company took the chance to shower Kim Dokja in affection too. By the end of it all, they were all smiling.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Orv taglist- @subrosasteath

I may or may not write more stuff for orv, but if you wanna be added to the taglist, just lmk

[katcadecascade]

The One Thing You Can’t Replace (ORV fic)

Summary: Shin Yoosung wakes up in tears. She will not grieve over a man who can still be saved. All she has to do is make everyone remember Kim Dokja.

Chapter One: As the World Caves In 

“Okay, everyone calm down.”

“No, no, no, Ahjussi!”

“You have a plan. Of course you do, good… But about this?”

“Well I have never seen this scenario before actually.”

“Oh god, there’s a countdown!”

“We can overcome this scenario. We just have to work together like always… Why are you all staring at me like that?”

“Bastard, you can’t be this stupid.”

“Hmm?”

“The one thing we can’t…”

“Yes I can read too and just because we’re caught off guard doesn’t mean we can’t figure it out. We just have to be smart and find out what exactly is missing when this starts.”

“…”

“Ahjussi…”

[00:05 Before Scenario Begins]

“Hey, there’s no need to cry, Shin Yoosung.”

“Ahjussi, please… please don’t…”

[00:03]

“Don’t what? I’m not going any-“

[00:00]

[Sub-Scenario: The One Thing You Can’t Replace has begun!]

   Shin Yoosung wakes up in tears.

She rubs the wetness off her cheeks in almost a painful pace but it doesn’t matter. Nothing compares to the giant ache in her heart. Dread spreads throughout her core as she looks around the room.

It’s her room obviously, a bit messy with clothes and books tossed around. There’s that animal fur smell that she is immune to but Lee Jihye always complains about when the older girl comes around. At one side of the room is her most cherished possessions.

Small animal tanks for the little frog and other small creatures she picked up. Then there are the bigger tanks that Lee Hyunsung had set up for her bigger creatures, like the tentacle monster. From the trail of water droplets, it seems like it crawled up the ceiling to perch on top of her closet.

Shin Yoosung rushed over to the tanks. For three years she did this routine, wake up only to immediately pay attention to the beasts she has gathered for two reasons.

The first is that she is a responsible beast tamer. Of course, she’ll take good care of them.

The second reason is to see if any of them could actually be…

Fresh tears erupt from the girl.

Each tank has a nameplate, craved with the unorthodox names she given them.

[Frog Who Could’ve Been _ Ahjussi]

[Elephant Monster Who Was Almost _ Ahjussi]

[Tentacle Monster Who Unfortunately Wasn’t _ Ahjussi]

They were all missing his name.

Her hands are tightly curled together, digging nails into the skin as another wave of tears pour in. It drips onto her shirt and it’s the same shirt she wore when the scenario started. Shin Yoosung knows that because she wanted to wear an outfit to match him. When she announced so his face was red but his smile was so big and Shin Yoosung wants him to smile more.

Him.

His name is missing.

He was gone for three years and they just got him back until that scenario sprang up on them.

“Shin Yoosung?”

She never noticed the door opened and before Lee Gilyoung could ask more worries, Shin Yoosung launched herself at her best friend.

“Did you forget him?” She asks with a crazed desperation, clutching onto his shoulders. She hasn’t held him so tight since they confronted the chimera underneath Paradise. “Ahjussi, Lee Gilyoung, please tell me you remember him!”

For the most part, Lee Gilyoung is utterally confused and scared of his weeping friend. That is until she said one word.

“Ahjussi?” He repeated with a daze. An odd look passes over his eyes, as if he’s having a mental crisis from sharing a mental link with a dying insect.

When he gets like this, Shin Yoosung knows to lead him over to sit on the bed in case he collapses.

“Ahjussi,” Lee Gilyoung mutters again, this time recognition sparks in his eyes. He is entirely alert and aware and now tears are falling from his eyes. “Shin Yoosung, the scenario!”

The message popped up above their heads, beaconed to their distress and awareness of the current event.

 [Sub-Scenario: The One Thing You Can’t Replace

Clear Condition: Something irreplaceable has been forgotten by the world. Participants of scenario must identify it without the help of nonparticipants. (2/9) participants have recovered the identity.

Time Limit: 12 Hours

Compensation: Retrieval of the irreplaceable thing.

Failure: The irreplaceable thing will fade from existence]

 The two kids paled at the failure consequences.

Immediately they ran out the door, nearly tripping over a tentacle.

Shin Yoosung normally would apologize whenever that happens but not now. Not when the one thing she can never replace might lose his existence.

“Hey, why are you to running?” Someone up ahead calls out to them, unknowingly becoming their target. “If Noona sees you she’s going to blame it on me and hey!”

The two kids do not drop their speed and tackle Lee Jihye to the floor.

“Lee Jihye,” Shin Yoosung rushes, “we’re in a scenario.”

The older girl shoves them off her to stand in a battle stance, pulling out her sword, “What, is something attacking the Master’s Industrial Complex?”

Shin Yoosung shakes her head, “No, we lost memories of someone.”

Sheathing her sword, Lee Jihye mutters, “Lame.”

Lee Gilyoung worriedly asks, “What did you say before? The name of this Industrial Complex?”

“Yoo Jonghyuk’s Industrial Complex,” she answers with a bored expression, “Hey are you two trying to prank me? What kind of scenario gives us amnesia?”

“Do you remember Ahjussi?” Shin Yoosung tries this method again since it worked so well with Lee Gilyoung.

It doesn’t work a second time.

“Ahjussi? You mean Lee Hyunsung?”

Seeing the pure confusion on Lee Jihye is really tormenting Shin Yoosung. She knows that out of everyone in the party, he is not Lee Jihye’s favorite person. Yet she does care in her own way, something about being the admiral of a huge ship of him and her Master.

Is this the point of the scenario, have everyone forget except Shin Yoosung and see how painful it is to ever dare live in a life without him?

Shin Yoosung knows that in the main party, she met him last. In that three-year period of heartache, she learned how the others meet this irreplaceable person.

He saved them one way or another.

He always had a risky plan that succeeded.

He was thoughtful and compassionate and…

Lee Gilyoung steps up to Lee Jihye.

“Play rock paper scissors with me,” he demanded with one fist readily above an open palm.

While Shin Yoosung was lost in her internal misery, Lee Gilyoung was also thinking deeply.

She recognizes that calculating glint in his eyes. Shin Yoosung knows who exactly he picked up that express from.

“Huh, that’s a weird change of topic,” Lee Jihye scratches her head. She shrugs and mirrors his hands. “You know that I’m very good at this game.”

“No you aren’t,” Lee Gilyoung said proudly.

“Tsk.”

They play one round. Lee Jihye throws down scissors and Lee Gilyoung throws down rock.

“Ahjussi also choose rock the first time,” he said calmly as his eyes tear up. “You played against him so many times and lost nearly all of them.”

A jab like that usually enrages Lee Jihye but right now, she is frozen. Her hands loosen up, falling to her sides as she stares at Lee Gilyoung.

“The Theater Dungeon,” she utters weakly. Then Lee Jihye laughs too sharply, smiling too pained, “He must have cheated.” Bizarre ranges of emotions quickly flash through her face, making her look a little crazy until she rubs her cheeks and snaps back into a fierce frown, “What did we do yesterday?”

In their rushed morning, Shin Yoosung didn’t recall everything, just the important bits like the fact that they were going to forget the one thing they can’t replace.

“We finished a monster hunting scenario and on the way back here this scenario came up.” Lee Gilyoung summed up and pointed at the scenario message log that appeared.

It updated.

 [(3/9) participants have recovered the identity.]

 Lee Jihye narrows her eyes at it, hesitantly muttering, “Nine?”

“We have to get to the others.”

Shin Yoosung did not wait for her friends as she dashes through the Industrial Complex to find the other party members. Lee Gilyoung is at her side but not Lee Jihye.

Instead, they hear her shout away, “I’ll find Master!”

It’s likely their best course of action. There is no time to waste.

 [Time Remaining: 11 Hours]

[southernwolf16]

The Lost Cub (AU) Series Updates (kind of)

Around three weeks ago I got a comment on my AO3 account for Downtime Ch2. It was written in Spanish so I ran it through Google Translate.

And was slightly offended at what I read. Because it sounded like the person was complaining about an aspect of the story, which never happened before. It kinda bothered me but I thought at the same time that the translation might be wrong. So I used another translator and the comment made better sense after that.

Lesson learned: never put all your faith in Google Translate.

Speaking of accounts, I don’t know if anyone’s noticed that my fics are no longer on Fanfiction.net. It’s because I decided to remove everything and just focus on posting updates on Tumblr and AO3.

What made me decide this was the lack of feedback on Downtime Ch2. Sure it was getting hits, but it didn’t get a single comment a year after I uploaded it. My thoughts were going from ‘Did I scare/offend my readers?’ to ‘Did people actually read it or just clicked on it by mistake?’. I didn’t have a clue.

Compared to AO3, where Ch2 has the most number of comments for Downtime to date.

To stop myself from further stressing over this, I just closed shop. Deleted all my fics so I don’t have a reason to check my account hoping there’s feedback. I did this months ago and honestly, I’d forgotten exactly when because I want to move on from it.

But why am I bringing this up now? For closure, I suppose.

As for Downtime Chapter 4—well, I’m working on it, but at a very slow pace. I’m not going to make any promises that it’ll be ready by March 21 (the date I posted Chapter 3 in 2021), only that I plan to have it done by 2022.

I can’t wait to finish Downtime. But then my motivation doesn’t want the same thing.

These past months I’ve mostly been reading web novels, webtoons, manhwas and fanfics. For web novels, I tried reading a badly translated Remarried Empress and finished reading Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint.

(ORV is just—gah, I have no words for it. Interesting, is one. There is an actor AU fic in AO3 for this fandom that’s just *chef’s kiss*. It’s called “Imaginary Truths”. The manhwa has very beautiful art and has so far stayed true to the web novel.)

I also tried reading Solo Leveling (manhwa), Trash of the Count’s Family (manhwa) and Heaven’s Official Blessing (web novel) but these didn’t hold my attention as much as ORV and MDZS (web novel) did.

(I’ve noticed that the MDZS fandom is rather toxic. Stanning this character and hating on other people who aren’t stans, authors harassing other authors. Reminds me of the VLD fandom. Not that I’ve been a victim—I  don’t engage the other fans—but the posts you see here on Tumblr will give you enough idea.)

And since it’s the Presidential election in my country on May 2022, lately I’ve been watching videos of the political blogger I’ve been following. It’ll likely continue until the first half of 2022.

Yay, more things to keep me from writing.  

Oh, and there’s this fic I started years back that was supposed to be an entry to madameazzure’s event. I set it aside to write A Show of Power. In the end, neither fics made it to the deadline.

Now, it’s come back to haunt me. I’ve been wondering if I should finish it one of these days just so I’d stop thinking about “nude painting session”, “mozzarella” and “two left feet”. Maybe put it under a different series.

Okay, enough with the rambling. Here’s to a better 2022, writing wise.

[ryxkenkxgami]

okay finished my first orv reread. i am still a broken person. actually i think it was worse the second time, knowing what was coming, so under the cut are just some thoughts...very disjointed. just very personal thoughts

for someone like me orv is indescribable. there’s a million other people with a similar story to mine - abusive household, bullied heavily in school, tried to kill themselves, found hope in a story they loved and held on to it until they could survive on their own. or maybe they couldn’t, maybe they kept holding on to that story to get them through everything.

i got lucky, in a lot of ways. my husband and i met when i was 14. his family took me in when i ran away from my abusive mother. i didn’t die when i tried to kill myself - all seven times, despite having permanent heart damage because of one of those attempts. when i was in that household, i was barely alive. and i got lucky because i found stories that resonated with me. games i loved, manga i couldn’t stop reading, anime that made me feel something. because of those stories, i was able to live. i was able to survive the horrific abuse my mother threw at me - all her insults, all the physical assaults, all of the control. i was able to keep on going because when i was alone, i could escape it. when i was reading, or playing video games, or watching something... i wasn’t me, on earth, hiding out with my dresser in front of my door in hopes my mother wouldn’t try to push past it. i was whoever i wanted to be, in whatever story i wanted. whatever story i found something in. when i say i really understand kim dokja, i really understand kim dokja. had i been left alone in my situation much longer... well, sometimes i think about if i would’ve done what he did, too. 

but because of those stories, i was able to live to the point where i met kyle, where i could physically escape, where i finally could grow into my own person. i’m not joking when i say i wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for those stories. kyle helped me once we met, but for those first lonely years of my life?

kim dokja really resonates with me, more then any other protagonist, i think. and it’s not mean, the way the narrative treats him. it’s not cruel, the fact that he latched onto a story to survive. it’s a wonderful thing, and at the end, where they write a story of his life in order to save him once more...

i’ve had the understanding for a long, long time that people are never able to fully understand each other. that because we are different, we are living separate lives in our own realities, we can never meet each other fully. it was isolating, for a long time. this is a reason i’ve always loved twewy, since the first time i played it, btw.

but orv gives another perspective: that we are all made up of everyone who knows you. all of their thoughts of who you are, what you do, it’s all there to someone. and each of those parts combine to create a whole you. and even if they can never understand you fully, that doesn’t mean you matter any less. and i... find a lot of solace, in that. that if even if someone can’t always understand me, i am still someone worthy of their attempts. because i’m a person they love. a person worth knowing, even if it’s just that 2% difference.

and just... idk. orv is such a wonderful love letter to people like me. people who had nothing but the stories they could escape to in order to get through life. people who loved reading. who loved to listen, to hear, to consume. and the connections you can make through sharing a story with someone... it’s a way of understanding someone. you can understand someone a little bit better because of what a story means to them, how they interpret it, what they take from it. and you can use that to make friendships, lasting bonds, and it’s... a wonderful, beautiful thing. 

so many of my most important relationships were forged over our shared love for a story, for a world that wasn’t our own. i know that’s the same for almost everyone in fandom. i love that orv is a celebration of that, the very thing that’s kept me going for so many years. i started writing fanfiction when i was 6, because i wanted to tell a story of characters i loved, even back then. and because of that... i am here. because of those characters, those stories, and those friends i made because of those stories, i survived. and i was able to live a so far, pretty fulfilling life.

idk. i’m just really glad. i love orv a lot. i’m glad i got to stay alive to experience it. 

[tamaharu]

okay ive rested eaten and have my laptop and i still have THOUGHTS

like, its obvious to anyone whos read far enough into orv that kdj doesnt like talking about or acknowledging his own distress. however, this isnt a hard and fast rule. hes more willing to speak about hurt when it isnt actively happening to him and when it is something he finds a "normal" trauma.

early on, when we're first introduced to him in the prologue, hes willing to touch on the Kim Dokja Background Cringe Compilation: "I have been steadily reading this novel since the third year of middle school. Even when I was bullied by the delinquents at my school, even when I had to enter a third-rate, local university since I cred up my entrance exams, even when I was assigned to a military unit at the frontlines since the damn military draft lottery went wrong, and even now, working as a contractor for a large subsidiary, still without a full-time job..." like, cool story bro, thanks for walking us through your traumas. however, as he reaches the present, he finishes off by going: "...damn it, let's stop thinking about this. Anyway."

additionally, when he's talking to yoo sangah in ch1, hes fully willing to commiserate with her about how, "It seems like just yesterday, but the contract period is already over." when they remember that this is not something ysa is going through as well, he switches on a dime. he feels incredibly dismal about his life (describing a feeling of dissociation from the world) but distracts ysa from this with congratulations and platitudes.

just from these early examples, we can show that kdj is not necessarily opposed to talking about his own distress, but the second it seems to hit too close to home, or appears irregular to a common experience, he shies away from it.

by ch76, hes done a small amount of set-up to the introduction to his mother, which is something that is incredibly distressing to him even in the present, AND its not exactly a common experience to have the kind of dynamic with his mother that he does. this is something he STRONGLY avoids thinking about, only acknowledging her in small bursts, usually when forced. (the fog that shows everyone some sort of trauma, when he has to eat the crystals to escape monsters in the third main scenario and it sends him to a mental prison).

the most he's willing to acknowledge the truth of his mother (prior to the incident with the fourth wall, which changes the truth and their dynamic of that day to a large degree) is after his conversation with her a little bit before peaceland. he talks to ysa about it, however he opens with: "I took a deep breath before saying with exaggerated tone. “My mother killed my father.” Strangely, my words sounded ridiculous. I spoke like it was someone else’s story." when he starts talking about the book, ysa assumes that hes changing topics very suddenly. and when he finishes, he mentions that he feels a "sense of victory" over the fact that ysa cant relate to this situation, and sweeps it under the rug by telling her: "I'm sorry. It was a joke." this is an incident that is both actively fucking him up, and something he knows isnt normal. when forced to confront it, he allows himself to tell the truth as he understands it, but continues to shy away from it by detaching himself from the story and pretending like it was something he made up afterwards.

kdj doesnt like to acknowledge his own internal hurt. hes willing to recite a list of troubles, but doesnt want to delve into how they actually made him feel without some sort of wall protecting him (hello fourth wall!) its easier to externalize a narrative than it is to feel a narrative. thats why kdj detaches himself from his story about his mother, and thats why kdj allows himself to achieve revenge against song minwoo. by overcoming the shaking of the fourth wall.

now, ive been talking a lot about how hes willing to acknowledge trauma if it feels like a common experience, and i think the example with ysa about company contracts proves this well enough, but he explicitly says this when talking to han sooyoung before he destroys song minwoo: ""...Do you know that bastard? [...] I'm sorry. I didn't want to hear it, but the words he said to you..."

[...] "Yes, I know him. [...] That bastard. He is [a normal] trauma."

"...[What is a normal] trauma? A trauma is serious."" while rainbow turtle's translation refers to this as "obviously a trauma," and an "obvious trauma," its more fitting for him to call it a "normal trauma," as in a trauma that is just soooo normal. whats more normal of a trauma than being bullied as a high schooler? and since its normal, even if it still hurts him, its totally fine and easy to overcome. its normal, so hes willing to admit it exists in the first place.

he mentions that, "Whenever I looked at this guy's face, I felt the '17 year old Kim Dokja' inside me shrink back. Poor thing. From now on, I would get revenge for 'him.' [...] The 17 year old Kim Dokja was watching me in my memories." he dissociates himself from the person who was hurt. he expresses his hurt onto an outside force. its even a normal trauma, what more do you want!

its only when he has to link his hurt unto himself without pretense that he refuses to do so. (i cant find the passage but) when he sees a notebook detailing 15yo kdjs memories in his mind palace, he throws it into the dark. when he meets od, he tries to kill od. then tries to kill himself via memory linkage. he refuses to acknowledge the context in which he stumbled upon ways of survival. these things are actively hurting him. they are in his face. they are impossible to be distanced from. they are not "normal." and thus, they are undeserving of acknowledgement or, if forced to acknowledge them, they are undeserving of sympathy.

i just think its interesting.

its interesting, one of the only times kim dokja is willing to stick up for and be kind to his younger self is in his fight against song minwoo at ch76. by song minwoo being a force of violence both in the past and in the present, it allows kdj the opportunity to indulge in sympathizing with his younger self without commiting to vulnerabilities the way his other exchanges require. its easier to get revenge for an obvious wrong committed by an outside force than it is to care for your younger self without distraction.