#it's been a hot minute since I've rewatched the show so it's possible I'm not remembering something

[felixvanhuss]

Thinkin about Orphan Black again and about Sarah specifically. I know she's like canon bi, but have we seen her express specifically romantic attraction to anyone? She fucks people, yeah, but romantic feelings? Idk I just think maybe there's an argument to be made for her maybe being some sort of aro

[dk-wren]

It's been a hot second since I've watched Buddy Daddies (aka I'm long overdue for a rewatch), but when I went to find something to watch tonight, I guess the site saved what I was on last time. And that just happened to be episode 2 of Buddy Daddies. So I thought, why not watch this?

And I had a very, very delayed realization/thought: the reason Kazuki and Rei kept trying to leave Miri home alone is because that is how they grew up.

Now, I won't deny there's other valid arguments too. Last minute plans may have prevented them from finding a babysitter. This then leads to the next question of if they would know where to find a babysitter on such short notice and who they could trust (since again, Rei and Kazuki are both hitmen and at this point in the series, do not appear to have close connections with anyone else they could reach out to). And of course, both Kazuki and Rei are first time parents, with them only having Miri in their care for less than 24 hrs the first time they leave her alone in the apartment.

There's definitely some comedy in two men meeting their match with a little girl. However, I think both of their upbringings (Kazuki in some sort of orphanage/foster care and Rei at Suwa Manor) caused Kazuki and Rei to quickly learn how to be independent and look after themselves from a young age. While both men probably acknowledge their childhoods weren't exactly normal or standard, because Miri has been in their care for less than a day, I don't think either of them understand at that point what it really means to be a child, to be carefree, and to play (especially since Rei's line in the sub is "You chose a poor cover" = using strategic/tactical language, not reflecting how Miri was playing a game). Over the course of the series, Miri will show her papas what each of those mean, but again, those moments haven't happened yet.

For Kazuki and Rei, it was probably a normal occurrence for them to be left alone at this age. So, based on their own experiences, and the fact that Miri made it to the hotel by herself, they likely assumed Miri could handle being alone for an hour or two. I don't think Kazuki or Rei intentionally acted careless, they were just making decisions off of the information available to them. But, as the series progresses and Rei and Kazuki spend more time with Miri, they will grasp more and more what it means to have a happy childhood and how to provide just that for Miri. If that's the case, then I'd argue it serves as a nice connection to Rei and Kazuki's conversation in ep. 12 on the drive to Suwa Manor, where they ask each other if they believed in Santa when they were Miri's age. And, with each of them acknowledging how Miri has yet to waver in her belief of Santa for the entire time they've been a family, possibly just my interpretation, but this could be one (of many) ways the duo finds empowerment during the showdown at Suwa Manor since they both have something worth protecting.

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

what would the mercs' favourite shows/anime be? You might have done the 'shows' part before so im giving you the 'anime' option as a fresh twist ^w^ (No im not battling a double-hyperfixation of tf2 and jjba and seeking validation through mutuals why would you even think that-)

What Are The TF2 Mercs Favortie Animes?

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Oh boy it's been a hot minute since I've watched an Anime, I used to be so feral for any anime 😭

Mutual appreciation comment!!! Thank you for your asks! I love seeing them pop up, you always have really good prompts 🫶🏻

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POSSIBLE SPOILER FOR DEATH NOTE?

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Demo- Kakegurui

Did I ever mention that this man loves to gamble? Also, you cannot convince me that this man isn't super expressive when he does so. Literally is the anime. Loves how batshit insane it is. Loves getting whiplash from one episode to the next. Wasn't a fan of season two, but adores season one. Bindges, and re-bindges the show at least once a month. Just loves feeling insane when he watches an anime.

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Engie- One Punch Man.

Saw Genos and immediately went "I could build that." And doesn't elaborate. He's not gonna lie, he may or may not have tried to follow Saitama's training routine once, but threw up when he got to the running part. Don't get me wrong this man isn't weak or anything but I genuinely don't think anyone on this team can run besides Scout. Loves watching OPM because he loves how unbothered Saitama is and wishes he could be like that, and also wishes he could be as strong.

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Heavy- Your Lie In April

Loves the mix of a slice of life and melodrama. Doesn't care too much about how slow the show is. Just enjoys watching everything play out and being along for the ride. This man sobbed at the end. Couldn't believe it, well he could but he also couldn't? Even though it breaks him everytime he sees the ending, he still loves rewatching it.

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Medic- Japanese Tales of The Macabre/Parasyte

HE. LOVES. JUNJI. ITO. It'd be so wrong not to think so. He has genuinely wondered about the logistics of Layers Of Terror... be afraid of this man if he gets a curious look in his eye over any episode of this anime. He likes the books more but also loves the anime. I added Parasyte too because this man is a sucker for all types of body horror and I think Parasyte should always be mentioned. Just lord help us after this man's mind starts working when watching his favorite body horror animes. You'll here a mix of screams from the poor characters and Yippees! From Medic as he watches the horror.

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Scout- Death Note

I think this is everyone's starter anime, but it just happens to also be Scout's favorite. I can't tell if he'd think Light is a genius or insanely stupid. But that's not super important. Loves Ryuk! He'd want a death note just to have Ryuk hanging around the base. This man would be a menace if he had the death note honestly. He'd probably write his name down first just to label it, forgetting he'd die.

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Sniper- The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

Man has never related to a fictional character so hard until now. Also wishes he could be perfectly average in the public eye and also has inhuman natural talents. It's not even funny how much I can imagine Sniper in this anime. He watched every season and loved them all (likes season one best though) and regularly rewatches the show when things get to stressful around him. It's his comfort show.

(Not that anyone asked but, I fucking love this anime, it's not even funny how much I love this anime I'm going feral.)

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Spy- Black Butler

Can a fictional character have a kin? Well in my mind yes. Spy kins Sebastian so fucking hard. Picked up the trait of taking his gloves off like that. Definitely share the same annoyances, living with incompetent coworkers, an annoying child, a criminally insane friend or two, you know the normal stuff! Was severely disappointed by season two. Loved everything else though.

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Soldier- Attack On Titan

I think he likes AOT because of all the Gore, blood, and fighting. I can imagine him kicking his legs and smiling all goofy while watching this. This man bindged the entire show, no doubt. Like the other mercs were genuinely worried about him. He's a mix of devastated and happy that the show hasn't ended permanently.

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Pyro- JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

The insane person loves insane anime, who would have guessed? No, but genuinely, you'd think they'd have a short attention span, wouldn't be able to understand what's going on, and lose interest. Nope! Absolutely love this anime. Has probably rewatched it a million times already. Has made Engie watch this with him and utterly confused the poor Texan. Feverishly waiting for part nine.

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I hope you like this! I had to pull out my list of animes I've watched, and oh boy it made me realize how weird. Maybe? That my taste in anime is.

Also sorry its not super long or super indepth I was going off some very vague memories for a few of these!

I love you guys!

[undeadsomulo]

Character Analysis: Sirica

Sirica.

 I've been thinking of this character like, a lot. Back then, during purgatory of reception week at formerly-known Fort Hood, I binged-watched KRBAY during my days slowly decaying in my barracks room going through the motions of being processed into my new unit. It was just comfort waves washing over me so a lot of details were mushy and I usually only watched it after I drank a lot. So I wasn't fully paying much attention to the episodes. 

Now, I have been rewatching it again to get some ideas (okay, mostly one episode) and this girl shows up for a sinful amount of short time in the entire series and she's the most interesting character ever?

I just realized something about episode 60. She has this really cool multi-weapon that isn't really made clear where she obtained it from but it does have the Holy Nightmare Logo on the handle. It seems like a high possibility that Holy Nightmare also manufactures weapons as well. 

Here's what I think and kind of connected these dots myself. I may not have been the only one to do it, but here's my humble take:

King Dedede is ordering his monster of the day. As he's talking about the "invader" CS speaks as if he knows of her. Immediately like "oh white alien girl?" there was some familiarity when talking about her. Also, I don't think it's a flimsy coincidence that CS sent the very monster that killed her mother. 

What am I getting at?

I think CS dude gave Sirica her weapon.

How would she have known that Meta Knight was on mission with her mother and the whole story of what went down? And not even really the whole story but somehow a painted version that Meta Knight left Garlude for dead? I think CS fed into it and I know that Kirby is target number one for elimination but the Star Warriors and Nightmare aren't exactly best friends. 

I fully believe it was in hopes that Sirica would take down Meta Knight AND Kirby but CS (who's canonically a dickhead) wanted to give Sirica a big hate boner for Meta Knight and then simply have Kirisakin just kill them all off. 

But I found it interesting that CS spoke of Sirica like he knew of her by extension through Garlude.

Also, Sirica sucks at aiming. Someone please give her aim bot. I'm not trying to paint her like some incompetent idiot, she's been around the block obviously, but I get the vibes she's still getting used to her weapon. I know it's a children's show and they can't exactly show characters getting riddled with holes but I like to think Sirica was only somewhat trained enough to use the weapon.

Like I couldn't totally see a young hot-blood, out for vengeance being easily manipulated and maybe CS guy casually training her. Like putting Sirica in some battle arena where she practiced against low-tier demon beasts. Honestly could totally see that. Then Sirica sent out on the hunt for Meta Knight after being spoon-fed some lies. 

Sirica knows how to use her weapon well enough to get what it needs to do and switch it to whatever she needs it to do but these are just some nuances I picked up on the English dub that I thought it'd be interesting if this were the case rather than "lol she must've stolen it". 

I may have glazed over some details, again I watched the English dub because I have to comb through YouTube and other sites to really find the episodes and the English dub is all I can really handle if I'm being honest. I could go into a little bit about how Meta Knight didn't immediately recognize Sirica either. Most likely because he never:

1. Has seen her grown up.

2. Never actually met her in the first place only heard of her through Garlude. 

I'm just saying Sirica had to remind him of her mother, and that can be chalked up to a lot of things because I'm sure Meta Knight has known a plethora of warriors in his time and has seen so many of them fucking die that eventually faces just start blurring together. 

Because life and precious time being against me, it has been a hot minute since I sat down and actually watched the anime. But I do casually still try to do so because now, as an adult, I can fully appreciate it more and even stem my own headcanons from it. 

[gillianthecat]

Love In the Air episode 6

My thoughts as I watch: mostly snark, a little bit of critical analysis, a sprinkling of praise.

This episode we're back to what I think of as Dramatic Soundtrack Music. No more soothing classical.

All this tension in this scene with P' Chai, but I don't know what it means.

Here comes trouble- Same dudes from the bathroom? Ah yes.

Lots and lots of little boys posturing, its had to take any of them seriously.

They don't have to bring their own motorcycles? Why are you letting some rando asshole you don't trust borrow a motorcycle?

This seems like it must have been as expensive production - shutting down a highway in Bangkok?

I don't understand the point of this bad guy - he came out of nowhere and has no connection to any of the characters we know. Unless he's Sky's evil ex? and we're being set up for the 2nd half of the series?

When I say Love in the Air has no plot - it's not that nothing happens, it's that the stuff that happens doesn't seem to connect or build in a way that progresses or tells a coherent narrative. Which is fine! That can still make an enjoyable show, especially if you just like spending time with the characters. But its not a plot.

I'm not sure why LITA feels so disconnected and random to me. Figuring it out would require rewatching and more in depth analysis, and I frankly don't care that much about the show. But that's how it feels to me.

I don't know, its quite possible that it all builds and connects in a way that I'm just not seeing. I feel like my brain turns into a sieve when I watch this show.

Aww. Sweet Rain, trying to cheer up his boyfriend. Encourage Payu like Payu encouraged Rain. I like seeing this more assertive caretaking side of Rain. It makes them feel more like a real partnership, while still maintaining the submissive- dominant dynamic.

PayuRain is growing on me now that Payu doesn't have to act so aggressively dominant and they can just be cute together.

I'm with Rain here, I also don't understand why Payu has to race this two-bit bad guy. Especially not in a thunderstorm. Ego? "Honor?" Pshaw.

Aww. More assertively caretaking Rain. I love it! So does Payu, apparently, lol.

ooh, but maybe this race is Payu's turn for growth and a character are of his own. A girl can dream, lol.

Oh never mind, the race is the next day, and not in the rain. That's less of a terrible choice. But mostly I just find characters who do things for ego or honor boring, unless there's some interesting angst underlying their motivations.

Sorry, but I have never found motorcycle racing outfits sexy. Motorcycle riding. yes, but the outfits have always looked ridiculous to me. But I would much prefer they be protected than be aesthetically appealing.

Yeah, I really cannot find it in me to care about this race either.

Paya won! But I knew that since I'd already seen the gifs of them celebrating.

These boys do know how to kiss! And I love that Payu just abandons his opponent to go fuck his boyfriend. (In a glass walled room with everyone right outside. The sets on this show are so weird, lol.) That race was clearly a lot more invigorating for him than it was for me.

Oh wait, they just magically teleported somewhere with curtains. I appreciate a montage style sex sane, but this editing has tipped over the line into confusing. But also its really hot, so who cares.

Where even is Payu's mic to pick up that rustling as he takes off his shirt? There’s nowhere to hide it! (I know, this is Not what I should by focusing on now.)

Ok, well. That sex scene was hot. And more explicit than any in a BL I've watched yet. I appreciate the actors' bravery and commitment to making it work so well.

This morning domesticity and mutual teasing is very cute. And I enjoy seeing the contrast from their first breakfast together. (see: characters changing = a plot)

Ok, adding in a kidnapping with one 45 minute episode left. Where are we going with this? I remain skeptical.

wait what? Is this a flashback or a flash forward? Why is Rain fine and in his room? Oh, flashback. Very cute. Although I'm still unclear about when or if he already knows Payu at this point.

Final Thoughts

yep, I still have the same feelings about plot at the end of the episode that I did in the middle. I think the main culprit is that Puyu's character is so static - he has no arc of his own. And even Rain's arc is kind of at a dead end. He's still changing and growing, but its not enough to sustain momentum on its own. Stuff happens to them, and they even do stuff, but it doesn't really change either of them. And I think for me that's the fundamentals of a "plot"- watching characters change.

This all feels like someone's fantasy more than an actual story. But I'm not sure whose fantasy it is: Payu who gets to be perfect and have someone change to fit him? Or Rain, the awkward college kid who manages to land the perfect guy?

[vickyvicarious]

Leverage by Character Emphasis

So, for fun over the course of my rewatch I kept track of who I considered to be the main character of each episode, or rather who got the most narrative/emotional focus. I kept track of all those in a list here. I got curious about how it all stacks up in the end, so I went to a pie graph website and stuck all those numbers in.

I only used the main character in each episode, even if on my original list I had put it as having secondary emphasis on another person or relationship. However, if an episode was split pretty evenly in focus between just two people (as opposed to the whole team), I counted it towards each person's overall percentage. And of course all these stats are based off of my own personal interpretation of the episodes. So this is by no means truly comprehensive. But I think it's still interesting to look at all put together.

I'm putting the overall breakdown here, but below the cut I've got individual charts per season as well - plus a bonus list of how many people we meet that the team already knows/whose past they hail from.

All Seasons

Percentage breakdown:

Team - 36.9% or 31/77 total episodes

Nate - 17.9% or 15/77 total episodes

Parker - 16.7% or 14/77 total episodes

Eliot - 11.9% or 10/77 total episodes

Hardison - 7.1% or 6/77 total episodes

Sophie - 4.8% or 4/77 total episodes

Parker/Hardison - 2.4% or 2/77 total episodes

Sophie/Nate, Tara - 1.2% or 1/77 total episodes each

The show is primarily team-based, and that's reflected in the largest percentage by with a 19-point gap before second place. Nate holds that spot, though Parker is right on his heels in third. There's a bit more of a gap between them both and Eliot, then similar gaps between him and Hardison, and then Sophie as the team member with the least number of dedicated episodes. (However, this doesn't reflect a lot of time spent in S2 on her). Then the pairings and Tara each get just an episode or two spent primarily focused on them.

Looking at it in pure numbers, you can definitely see that Nate as mastermind got a lot of attention, and that Parker becoming the next mastermind was built steadily with a lot of focus as well!

Season One

Percentage breakdown:

Team - 38.5% overall or 5/13 episodes

Nate - 23.1% overall or 3/13 episodes

Parker - 15.4% overall or 2/13 episodes

Sophie, Eliot, Hardison - 7.7% overall or 1/13 episodes each

It seems fitting that in the first season, most of the time was dedicated to episodes that don't focus on any one person in particular. Instead there's a lot of time spent establishing the team as a whole. We do see Nate in second place and Parker in third.

(I thought about counting the Juror #6 job towards Sophie and Hardison, but in the end I didn't since the main emphasis was still mostly for Parker. However, that would have bumped them up to the same number of episodes as her.)

Season Two

Percentage breakdown:

Team - 40% overall or 6/15 episodes

Nate - 26.7% overall or 4/15 episodes

Sophie, Parker, Hardison, Eliot, Tara - 6.7% overall or 1/15 episodes each

So there's a lot more secondary focus/running themes this season that don't show up as much in this chart. Sophie's storyline in particular gets a lot of focus throughout the season, but is rarely the main focus of any single episode, so it isn't as well represented here. (For example, the Lost Heir Job is team-focused, but specifically on the team coping without Sophie, so it could possible have been counted as a Sophie episode as well.)

Given the parameters I'm working with though, we see again team episodes first, Nate second, and then this time everyone else shares third place equally (including Tara!).

Season Three

Percentage breakdown:

Team, Eliot, Parker - 25% overall or 4/16 episodes

Sophie, Nate, Hardison - 6.7% overall or 2/16 episodes

It doesn't add up to 16 just by numbers because this season had several episodes I couldn't assign to just one character, but also seemed not really focused on the team. I gave Eliot+Hardison each a point for Gone Fishin', and Eliot+Parker each a point for the Underground Job.

This season bucks the trend of Nate getting the second-most episodes dedicated to him. Eliot and Parker actually get as many episodes as the team in general. They're all a lot closer together though in terms of numbers.

Season Four

Percentage breakdown:

Team - 27.3% overall or 6/18 episodes

Nate - 22.7% overall or 5/18 episodes

Parker - 18.2% overall or 4/18 episodes

Eliot, Hardison, Parker/Hardison - 9.1% overall or 2/18 episodes each

Sophie/Nate - 4.5% overall or 1/18 episodes

This season has a lot of episodes focusing mostly on just a couple of people so it was really a pain to break down. I ended up sharing credit for Grave Danger between Parker and Hardison as Parker/Hardison, and Queen's Gambit between the team and Parker/Hardison. The Night Out Jobs I just counted as team episodes since they divvied up the focus fairly equally between the characters who were in them. On my original list I put the Hot Potato Job as Nate and Hardison but on further reflection I think it's more of a team episode, so that's how I counted it here. Still, this chart is the one I was least certain how to break down, and I'm not really happy with it but I eventually just kinda gave up.

Nate is back up in second place, right after the team as a whole. Parker's right behind him, while the others trail a bit behind. The ships get a couple episodes dedicated to them, but Sophie doesn't actually get an episode of her own at all this season.

Season Five

Percentage breakdown:

Team - 62.5% or 10/15 episodes total

Parker - 18.8% or 3/15 episodes total

Eliot - 12.5% or 2/15 episodes total

Nate - 6.3% or 1/15 episodes total

I attributed the French Connection Job to both Eliot and Parker, and put the Rundown and Frame Up Jobs as being team focused since they split attention pretty evenly between the halves of the team each episode had. The White Rabbit Job had a secondary focus on Sophie which I didn't count; same deal with the Blue Line Job since for the most part it was still more team than Eliot focused.

This season bucks a lot of the usual trends. The vast majority of the episodes are team focused with no major emphasis on any one person; this is usually the biggest percentage but this season far more so than any other. The other major departure is that Sophie and Hardison both get no individual episodes at all, and Nate isn't in second or even third place. Instead we have Parker, then Eliot, then Nate. And if I had counted the Blue Line Job for Eliot, which I considered doing, he would've been tied with Parker.

Bonus - Known Associates

This chart counts how many people we meet from someone on the team's pre-show past. It does not count people they meet during their time on Leverage who later become important to them, such as Peggy.

Percentage breakdown:

Nate - 38.1% or 8/21 total

Eliot - 33.3% or 7/21 total

Sophie - 19% or 4/21 total

Parker, Hardison - 4.8% or 1/21 total each

If you want to know who these people are, that's listed right underneath here. Nate's people tend to show up more often, while Eliot has a lot but they're mostly one-off characters. Sophie and Parker not having a lot makes sense given that Sophie's true identity is a mystery, and Parker was a loner almost all her life. Hardison being at the bottom of the list is really at odds to how we know he has a large family and is such a sociable person.

Nate - An old friend in the Miracle Job, Blackpoole, Maggie, Sterling, the people from McRory's, Jimmy Ford, childhood friend Ed Kelly from the 15 Minutes Job, his old IYS colleague from the Van Gogh Job.

Eliot - Aimee from the Two Horse Job, Damien Moreau, General Flores, Vance, his grifter buddy from the Juror #6 Job, his buddy Shelley from the Boys' Night Out Job, and Vance from flashbacks/the Rundown Job.

Sophie - A friend in the Wedding Job (not sure they actually count since they just tipped her to the job but I don't think we met them onscreen), the mastermind from the Two Live Crew Job, the Duchess from the King George Job, and Tara.

Parker - Archie Goodwin.

Hardison - Chaos.

[julies-butterflies]

Honestly, your writing reminds me a lot of the buffyverse. Just the perfect balance of humor and sadness and romance and heart that just feels like a vivid window into the world you've created.

God the Body...the best forty minutes of television I may never watch again. I've rewatched Willow and Tara's kiss (because I'll adore them forever), but just...the weight of it. It took me a full month to work up the nerve to watch the episode, to be ready to cry that much.

What you said about not wanting people to suffer, because of your work...It's never once felt like that for me. And I've cried a LOT while reading your work. I'll try to explain it the best I can

Grief can be so isolating, and disorienting. Your world goes topsey-turvey, supports you took for granted go flying into the abyss and suddenly it's a minefield of those glass shards. And no one's grief is identical. No two circumstances are the same. It's not possible for anyone else to know exactly how you feel, because no two hearts break alike.

Sometimes, it's because people just don't understand. Sometime's it's because they no longer want to. But some days, that feeling of aloneness can be crushing.

Then one night, I stumbled upon Let These Shadows Fall Away Like Dust. That one hit me way harder than I was ever expecting. The question of how to grieve the living, the dilemma on when forgiveness is deserved...Alex's anger, his devestation, the rawness of it all....That's my broken glass. Those are concepts I've been struggling for over a year. I'm still picking up pieces every day.

I sobbed, because it was such a relief. To see the feelings that had been scrambled up in my mind just reflected there, on my screen. The reminder I had desperately needed, that I was not alone. That even though my circumstances were different, I was not the only one trying to unravel those messy emotions.

Then again, I also read your deathfic for fun, so maybe I'm not the best judge of this. I tend to like angst. I tend to get a lot of "WHY WOULD YOU MAKE IT THAT SAD" in group chats :D

Please don't feel any pressure to respond to me quickly or anything. I never mind the wait. I'm so sorry for the rough times. Wishing that you and your family gets whatever you need to help ease your storm. Sending love and support as well.

(sorry for all the metaphors. I'm super sleepy and apparently, I resort to purple prose when tired lol)

I know exactly what you mean about Emily. I understand why people don't like her, but I just love to see her written as such a grey character. It's just so much more powerful when the love is so clearly there.

I mean, that's what a tragedy is, really. Love cut short. Grieving a future that could have been everything, if fate had not been cruel. I don't know if you know musical theater, but I like to think about the Barber and His Wife, from Sweeney Todd: the whole tragedy of that show, is that they were happy all together, and then permanently broken. How their paths keep crossing, but they never connect to heal. Never lost, but never found.

And that's the tragedy of Luke and Emily: too stubborn and too late. You find that grey area, the messiness so well, and just bring it all out so wonderfully. You do the same with Bobby/Trevor, ESPECIALLY in the horror and the wild. God, that absolutely devestated me. I'm not a big fan of horror in general, and I haven't explored the genre that much but...if all horror is like yours then DAMN, I might just have to become a fan.

This got super long (lol) so I'll wrap it up now but! THE SIC FIC QUEENS TOGETHER???? When I tell you I lost it.... all too well Bobby and what you've lost reggie in the same story are killing me. I am hooked and incredibly hyped. Loved both updates so far, and cannot wait to see where the story goes!

Oh yeah and I forget: I have to ask, do you have a fan cast of the one, the only, the incredible Keith Richards? (and that goblin is so cute!!! I really want to pet the blood thirsty monster. So badly)

Love, your totally-not-undead-pen-pal, :D

-Vampire Anon

Know musicals? Vampire Anon my beloved, I am a musical theatre bitch. Take a look at my high school graduation cap! (Anastasia is my favorite musical... something about the themes of home, love, and family, the idea of always finding a place in the world even after enduring incredible hardship, that anything is survivable with faith and love in your heart... I'm also a Romanov history bitch, and Christy Altomare is such an incredible talent and human being.) Literally, talk to me about musicals anytime!

And yeah, I definitely see your metaphor... the tragedy of The Barber and his Wife was how close they came to each other throughout the whole show, existing within reach the entire time, after being separated for so long. But it wasn't the same; it never could be. Time and trauma had changed them both into something unrecognizeable, and when they came face-to-face, they could only hurt each other. At a certain point, the ghosts of your past are meant to stay ghosts. Sure, you might want them back more than anything --- but what would it mean? What would you truly be getting back?

Luke's "back", of course, and he comes home to visit his parents multiple times... but they're not the same people he left. They're older, greyer, changed by grief... while he's just the same. A snapshot forever frozen in time, a memory crystalized in amber. You can't hold memories in your hands. You can't pull them close and refuse to let them go. Eventually, they'll slip away... and to Mitch and Emily, a memory is all their son is, now. That's what's so heartrending about the situation we see in the show, especially --- so much love still exists between all of them, but it has no place to go.

Okay, sorry, it's 3am here and I'm rambling too, haha --- mentioning musical theatre was a mistake.

I'm so glad my stories have been able to connect with you, especially 'shadows' --- that one resonated with a lot of people, more than I ever realized it would. It's not the most personal story to me... but definitely one that needed to be told, and the emotion in it... hits home for a lot of people. It means so much to me knowing that story, and Alex's internal struggle, has made people feel less alone.

I think I'm going to have a hard time looking back on that one, though. We were staying at my aunt's house for the weekend where I wrote most of it; I read a few excerpts to her, and she said she liked it. She was always interested in my writing... I kind of wish I'd gotten the chance to share more of it with her.

Like you said. Grief's a funny thing. Disorienting, relentless, and crushing.

Please just remember, though --- whatever you're dealing with, you're not alone. You don't have to cut yourself on those broken pieces... one day, you'll wake up, and realize you feel whole again. It will never feel the same, and the pain will always be there... but healing around it is what makes us stronger. You don't owe anyone your forgiveness; it's okay to grieve when you've lost something, regardless of whether death has taken them from you. Grief doesn't have to be earned, it simply has to be felt.

You'll be stronger for it, in the end. I'm sorry you've been hurting so much.

Anyways! Oh gosh! On to lighter, happier topics! Please tell me...

What are your favorite fics? (Like, my fics, obviously, which fics of mine do you just go gaga over? Please praise me or else my ego will shrivel like a worm on hot pavement.) No, okay, I'm kidding --- what are your top fics for this fandom? Like, what are the ones that really resonate with you, that you could read over and over? The JATP fandom has so many greats, but I'm always drawn back to Some Killer Queen You Are by pearlcaddy (buffyverse meets jatp!! iconic!!), Lantern's Light by thefairhero (literally the SOFTEST reggie), the sky's not empty tonight by firefall (just... devastating and beautiful in a dozen ways), and literally anything by foundfamilyvevo.

How long have you been in the JATP fandom? Who are your favorite characters? What's your favorite JATP song?

And finally, most importantly... what are your favorite musicals?

(also... since u asked... behold keith richards and tremble)