#it's been 20 years since i made anything if this looks bad pretend it doesn't <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[milesgmorales]

TOM HOLLAND as PETER PARKER — Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) dir. Jon Watts

[archivalofsins]

The timeline today is so fun.

Really loving Mahiru's commitment to this whole I'm not holding a grudge at all routine. Like I'm so forgiving, I'm not mad. Please, come a little closer and trust me.

After all, I'm no liar-

Love is (Un)Dead 6:47 six minutes and forty-seven seconds in. "This means that... You think of me as a liar, doesn't it...? Did I do something that made you think that?

I would never hold a grudge, get jealous, or lie.

Love Is Mine 8:56 eight minutes and fifty-six seconds in. Jealousy... Grudges... Having your partner stolen from you... Those stories aren't all that uncommon now, are they? "You're wrong. It wasn't that. I... Never even wanted to kill anyone in the first place!"

Me big sis Mahiru nooo- never!

Love is (Un)Dead 1:24 one minute and twenty-four seconds in. "I think Kotoko-chan is the one who caused this, so... You know. It's not like it's your fault. Um, so...! I'm not holding a grudge against Kotoko-chan, either. I'm sure she just thought it couldn't be helped..."

"A monstrous dilemm... "DIE"."

Like go off passive aggressive queen. For someone who doesn't do any of those things, they're certainly brought up around and by you a lot. That's none of my business, though.

I am curious as to why you went to cell ten to talk to Kotoko but mentioned needing to thank Shidou still while there?

I mean, that's a bit odd. He lives right next to you. On top of that, he's been your caretaker for over a year now. Have you not seen him today? That's peculiar because he's presented himself as always needing to be by your side or you'd die. Because that's how bad your condition is.

Even discussing still giving you treatment on Yuno's birthday.

24/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Shidou: Thank you for your assistance with Shiina-kun’s treatment. It’s been a big help having you here. Both for her and for me. It’s good to know that even if something happens to me, you’ll still be around.

Yuno: No way. I can’t do anything on my own. All I’m doing is helping with whatever you’re doing. It’s just like playing pretend as a nurse.

Shidou: No, you’ve got a good sense for things like this. You’re quick to notice things, calm and fearless. If you haven’t decided what you want to be in the future, maybe you should consider becoming a doctor yourself.

Yuno: You think so? ……haha, stop it. I don’t want to be thinking about the future right now. And for someone like me to have other people’s lives in my hands…… that’s no laughing matter.

I know the audience hasn't seen you thank him within the timeline.

Yet, why would this come to mind while you were meeting up with Kotoko of all people? You didn't come here to thank her. You just wished her happy birthday.

So, what's the correlation? Why would seeing Kotoko make you think of thanking Shidou?

"In that case, give me the chance to make amends to extract that fang, now."

Weird it's just quite odd that would come to mind upon going to see her. Like, oh, Happy Birthday- Ah, that reminds me I should probably find a way to help and thank Shidou for all he's done for me.

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko?

Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve things with violence.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Mahiru: I talk to Shidou-san a lot now, since he’s looking at my injuries. Also, Yuno-chan.

Even though you've both spoken a lot since the beginning of trial two, he lives right besides you, and he's been taking care of you daily- You haven't thanked him yet, Mahiru? Is that because you want to thank him through a certain gesture. By giving him something he may want in return for everything he's done for you. Could it be that seeing Kotoko reminded you of thanking him because she's somehow involved in how you will.

Let's cut the bullshit are you gonna try to kill Kotoko? Because, uh, this is getting questionable. The are you mad I'm not mad passive aggressiveness, the amicable distance, it's nothing new for her.

Kazui even asks her about it at the very start.

20/06/19

Kazui: By the way…… thanks, Shiina-chan. You keep going around and talking to people to make sure the mood never gets too sour, right?It’s a big help. We’re all in here together, after all. If a fight broke out, the whole group could fall apart.

Mahiru: ……eh? Huh~? Ah, no, I’m just talking to people because I personally want to talk. All the kids are so cute, so I can’t help but want to fuss over them! A fight, huh… But if that ever happened, then you’ll definitely be a big help, right~? Since you’re so big! And buff!

Kazui: Ahh, no. I mean, I’ll do what I can. Based on appearance, as long as nobody has a weapon, I think I can probably get everyone under control…… No, we should just hope that nothing like that ever happens.

Mahiru: You know, I quite like watching martial arts, actually. I don’t really get it, but it looks super cool. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

In the same way Yuno and Futa question Mikoto for always seeming to force a smile and being chatty. Yet Kazui saying this has rarely ever been taken as an accurate read of Mahiru's personality like the statements about Mikoto have.

Like it's easy to fall into stereotyping and think,

Q.05 Who do you dislike most out of the other prisoners?

Mahiru: Futa-kun is a bully, so definitely out! Also, Mikoto is pretty flippant, he kinda seems like the type who’d cheat~

Futa is a brazen hot-head who doesn't think before acting. He's a natural bully he was too uneducated and reactionary to actually know the harm he was causing. Mikoto is careless and flippant but he was trying so hard. He never wanted to hurt anybody. They never had the intent to do what they did and regret it now.

Mahiru is just a silly airhead who didn't realize the harm she was causing to her partner.

"My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!"

She was never actively malicious. She didn't want to cause harm to anyone. She wasn't holding a grudge or anything. There's not one hateful jealous bitter bone in her little silly body. She even still extends grace and kindness to Kotoko after all she put her through.

Mahiru Shiina is so kind she's bordering on saintly.

I hope everyone remembers how kindness can be used to manipulate and do harm to others outside of people who have moral ocd and think about that every day. Looking into love bombing outside of abusive religious contexts can be helpful to. Mostly because it allows one to recognize when it's being done on a interpersonal level and not just structural ones.

Knowing a good deal about both is always good.

Love Is Mine 10:32 ten minutes and thirty-two seconds in. "I... discovered how amazing it was to be in love with someone. It's incredible, you know? Each and every day seemed to sparkle and everything became vibrant. It transforms such mundane scenarios into those of soap operas and films!

Signs of Love Bombing Love bombing is often romanticized in TV and movies. The typical story involves an uninterested character who is being pursued by an eager suitor. The pursuer consistently violates the uninterested character’s boundaries until they fall in love and decide to be together. However, this unrealistic depiction of a relationship is actually a story of love bombing and how it can manifest in real life.

"This can’t go on, something’s got to give, I even love saying the words, “I love you”. My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care! Tell me, oh tell me why, won’t you just accept me?"

Love Is Mine 6:58 six minutes and fifty-eight seconds in. "You're fifteen, aren't you? Right in the heat of adolescence! Do you have anyone you like?" I honestly have no interest in those matters. "What? No, no. There's no such thing as that. Being in love is like a landmine. It'll explode someday, you know? The only thing that differs is whether it happens earlier or later in life."

According to Psychology Today, “love bombing is an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection.” This kind of behavior is a form of emotional abuse, and although it can be experienced during any stage of a relationship, it is often seen in the early stages of getting to know one another. It may seem like your new partner really likes you, but love bombing can often serve as a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship.

"What do you think? I know it's not the type of question you want to be asked."

Ultimately, you are the only one who knows what makes you feel comfortable and what does not. We know that all relationships exist on a spectrum from healthy to abusive, so it always helps to check in with yourself and decide if you need to speak to your partner about your concerns.

Healthy A healthy relationship means that both you and your partner are: Communicative. You talk openly about problems and listen to one another. You respect each other’s opinions. Respectful. You value each other’s opinions, feelings, and needs, and give each other the freedom to be yourself and be loved for who you are. Trusting. You believe what your partner has to say and don’t feel the need to “prove” each other’s trustworthiness. Honest. You’re honest with each other but can still keep some things private. Equal. You make decisions together and hold each other to the same standards. You and your partner have equal say with regard to major decisions within the relationship. All partners have access to the resources they need. Setting boundaries. You enjoy spending time apart, alone, or with others. You respect each other’s need for time and space apart. You communicate with each other about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Practicing consent. You talk openly about sexual and reproductive choices together. All partners always willingly consent to sexual activity and can safely discuss what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Parenting supportively. All partners are able to parent in a way that they feel comfortable with. You communicate together about the needs of the child(ren), as well as the needs of the parents. Unhealthy You may be in an unhealthy relationship if your partner is: Non-communicative. When problems arise, you fight or you don’t discuss them at all. Disrespectful. You or your partner behave inconsiderately toward the other. Not trusting. You or your partner refuse to believe the other or feel entitled to invade their privacy. Dishonest. You or your partner lie, omit, or obscure facts. Taking control. You or your partner takes steps to suggest that one’s desires and choices are more important than another’s. Isolating. Your partner restricts your contact with other people, either in person or online. Pressured into sexual activity. One partner uses pressure or guilt against another to coerce them into sexual acts or reproductive choices. Ignoring boundaries. It’s assumed or implied that only one partner is responsible for making informed decisions. Unequal economically. Finances aren’t discussed. Financial decisions are made unilaterally or it’s assumed that only one partner is in charge of finances. Abusive A relationship is abusive when your partner: Communicates harmfully. Your partner communicates or in a way that is hurtful, threatening, insulting, or demeaning. Mistreats the other. Your partner doesn’t respect your thoughts, feelings, decisions, opinions, or physical safety. Makes untrue accusations. Your partner accuses you of cheating or breaking the boundaries of your relationship. Your partner may escalate by creating situations where you need to “prove” your trustworthiness, like handing over your social media passwords. Controls the other. There’s no equality in your relationship. One partner makes decisions without the other’s input, or makes all of the decisions in certain parts of the relationship, like finances. Isolates the other. Your partner controls where you travel, who you talk to, or how you spend your time. This often includes physical or emotional isolation from your family and friends. Forces sexual activity or controls reproductive choices. Your partner forces or pressures you to engage in sexual activity you don’t want to. Your partner controls your reproductive choices by sabotaging birth control, or by pressuring you to have or not have children. Controls finances. Your partner controls the money and access to resources, including preventing you from earning an income or accessing their own income. Having an open, respectful dialogue about finances is not an option. Manipulates children. Your partner uses your children to gain power and control over you, including telling them lies or baseless criticisms about you.

"Ring ring, I’m calling you in the middle of the night Forcing you to wake up, and I say “Good Morning!”." - "Giving you love to the point of pulling you down. It’s just because I still get worried, please forgive me. Even when I test you, even the times we do the breakup ritual."

Love Bombing Sign #4: Communication Overload When you first establish your relationship, you may speak to your partner more frequently, because you are learning about each other and your desires for your relationship. Good communication is required to have a solid and healthy relationship, but you should not be feeling overwhelmed by the amount of communication you are receiving. This could be an excellent time to talk about how you feel and find a way to communicate with each other that works for both of you.

Sign #1: "Soulmate" Status Finding a partner that feels like a perfect fit is gratifying. But it can take time to really get to know your partner. When love bombing occurs, often labels such as “soulmate”, “their person,” or “their other half” are applied early in the relationship. While it may feel validating to be considered as an important figure in their lives, it could be a cause for concern if you have not known them very long, or if you feel uncomfortable. Even being told “I love you” within a couple of weeks of starting a relationship can be a red flag. If you feel unsettled about how fast you’re moving, it may be time to speak with your partner.

"I even love saying the words, “I love you”."

Sign #2: Exaggerated Compliments Compliments are a great way to show that you’re interested in each other. It is not unusual to exchange compliments in a relationship, especially as you are getting to know one another. However, if the comments your partner is making seem over-the-top, it could be another sign of love bombing, especially if they make you feel uneasy. Here are some examples: “My prayers have been answered now that I have you in my life.” “I feel like you were created just for me.” “I can’t imagine finding anyone more perfect than you.” “My life would be nothing without you.” These types of comments can feel overwhelming, and if you are still getting to know them, it may come across as grandiose. A gut check with yourself may be helpful to decide if you are comfortable with these types of statements. If they do not feel right to you, try to address these feelings with your partner. If possible, discuss creating boundaries that work for both of you.

"Wanting to know everything about you, but wanting to die because it can’t come true."

"I suck at pretending to smile- But see! I feel great because of you!"

"The things that I only want to say to you, and the things that I want from you is love."

Is Love Enough? But the truth is, love isn’t always enough of a reason to stay in a relationship. Don’t get us wrong: loving someone, or caring deeply for them, is a wonderful thing, but it’s a feeling that can also make a relationship complicated. We hear from many people who tell us about unhealthy behaviors or feeling unhappy in a relationship but say that they still love their partners. It’s very possible to have feelings of love for someone even if they are mistreating you. It’s important to recognize that love is just one part of a whole. There are a few other crucial ingredients to having a solid, healthy relationship.

"We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt. Let’s have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad."

"Saying I love you but doing what I did, I know I have no right, crossed and covered in sin. My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight. Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right."

Love is (Un)Dead 5:03 five minutes and three seconds in.

What I saw was... just you having fun. I'm sure you were in love. Your feelings of bliss were conveyed to me as well. Right? It was really fun..! Did it make you want to fall in love?

I was happy, I had fun, I wanted, all I did-

Love is (Un)Dead 4:31 four minutes and thirty-one seconds in.

Was love someone.

Meanwhile each time this guys feelings are alluded to.

What do you think? I know it's not the type of question you want to be asked.

Ring ring, I’m calling you in the middle of the night. Forcing you to wake up, and I say “Good Morning!”. But I fall asleep before you, I really feel bad you know? We can both feel lonely sometimes, but wonder if you’ll get angry soon.

This adorable, earnest, sincere ♥ Is bleeding, wailing, this is the end- What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”

I don’t need anyone else, as long as I have you I could do anything as long as you smiled, I actually believed that. The happiness we tightly bound up and suffocated, is no longer here.

If I could see you again, I wonder, what would I say to you and how?

Non-communicative. When problems arise, you fight or you don’t discuss them at all.

"We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt. Let’s have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad."

"Even when I test you, even the times we do the breakup ritual."

Communicates harmfully. Your partner communicates or in a way that is hurtful, threatening, insulting, or demeaning.

Do you really think you know what love is?

My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care! Tell me, oh tell me why, won’t you just accept me?"

On to the birthday girl. This is the third time this trial Kotoko has been shown her actions had no impact on the prisoners or their behaviors. From Mikoto walking up to her as though nothing happened on her last birthday,

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but for now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……!

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

To Haruka approaching her despite the big deal Shidou and Kazui were making about negotiating a ceasefire with her.

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san…… please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

To Mu going up to her on her own birthday just to tell her off,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of you way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

All the way to the person she did the most harm to coming up to her without issue. Despite in Love is (Un)Dead Mahiru jumping at Es just touching her,

Mahiru! "...!! Stop it!" ...! " ...! A... Ah- I-I I'm sorry... ... If you touch me so suddenly, it makes me remember... How it hurt... And I get scared."

If you touch me suddenly guard that reminds me of getting hurt but going up to Kotoko the one who hurt me well that's totally fine. It's been long enough for me to get over the trauma of being jumped unprompted by her. In fact I'm not even upset or angry about that at all. I think she had her reasons.

I'm not holding a grudge because,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko?

Mahiru: At the very least, I don’t blame her for it. She acted for the sake of an ideal she can’t concede on.

So of course she has no issue going up to Kotoko to wish her a happy birthday. All by herself. She's not afraid of what Kotoko could do even while she's having trouble moving about and receiving treatment for the injuries Kotoko gave her just last intermission. Because her and Kotoko are the same in that regard they both have something they can't concede on she understands her and just wants to wish her a happy birthday.

Meanwhile Kotoko expected Mahiru to complain about her behavior in the same way Mu had on her birthday this year.

She expected to be admonished. Not only because Mu did it but because she's guilty now. That's all she's been hearing. So, why would Mahiru be any different. Why wouldn't she be coming their to kick while she was already down?

Instead Mahiru came to wish her a happy birthday.

Because that's how insignificant Kotoko's behavior was to everyone else there. They have bigger concerns than her throwing fits and now that they know she will they can prepare for that. Mahiru isn't mad, she didn't change drastically, she didn't come here to go I see what I did in the past was wrong and understand why you reacted that way I'm sorry.

Just like Haruka, Mu, and Mikoto she's going on like normal.

It must be so grating for Kotoko to see just how insignificant her "justice" is to everyone else in this prison. Literally no one cares. She did all that to instill fear in the hopes of making them see how their actions were wrong to punish them for being evil and unjust. Yet here we are.

No one in the prison has changed drastically, they didn't learn anything from her abuse, and none of them seem to be afraid of or even remotely concerned with her anymore. It really seems like she's starting to realize the only thing she accomplished through her attacks is displaying how much of an idiot she is.

Just like Yuno said,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Yuno: Is she an idiot? Nothing’s going to change in the world if you just act out violently where everyone can see.

The people she beat up are now innocent. They've been acquitted given a slap on the wrist like all the bad guys she attacked in Harrow. While all the blame is back on her. Just like with the court case. It was easy to say it was self-defense at first but people kept looking into it statements got recanted and she began falling out of favor.

Possibly even getting kicked out of her university. Because people always want to see a bad person falling but they never want to feel like they caused it.

This may possibly be her worst case scenario. I mean all she wanted was to be drowning in the fact that she was right while everyone else here was wrong. Now as far as she knows they may all be innocent and the only person being told they're wrong here is her.

Play stupid games win stupid prizes I suppose but the least they could do is still be afraid of her, fear her authority as Es' helper, the idea that she did it once and could very well do it again. Nope. They simply don't care they're over it. They've moved on. Even the person she injured to the extent that she almost died isn't even afraid of her.

In fact it seems more like she feels bad for her. The only person to treat her as though she had any authority over trial two was Haruka and that was just so she wouldn't intervene with his plans. Everyone else has pretty much gone oh that's cute you think you have some power here.

They've treated her no different from them because to them she is no different in fact to some of them she's less than. Someone they'd never be friends with. Someone who just hasn't realized they're being taken advantage of yet. Someone pathetic who's only recourse will be beating themselves up once they're in the position they beat others for being in.

Then here's Mahiru offering yet another olive branch.

Just like Mikoto at the beginning of trial two who said I figured no one else would wish you happy birthday so I came to say it. That must be tough. No wonder the only way she could respond was by saying she was crazy. She must be crazy it's definitely not a clear example of her methods not working. Mahiru is just insane anyone else would fall in line or avoid her after being beat like that.

So, Mahiru must be uniquely terrible, stupid, or the punishment wasn't harsh enough. In the long run Kotoko may end up believing the punishments weren't harsh enough, that she shouldn't have held back due to trusting Es or not wanting to do too much too soon. Because that's how it is. People can't force each other to change no matter if they try to kindly or harshly.

The only time people change is when they are willing to. But it really does kind of seem like Mahiru is going to try to kill Kotoko as a way of paying Shidou back. Especially if he's been complaining about her to Mahiru as much as he has been to the audience.

Like it would not surprise me.

[radplaidtacofan]

Idk if anyone will see this or care but this is my coming out post

I'm 33 and I think I'm finally done pretending I'm something I'm not. I've known since I can first remember that I was a guy. My first memories are of running around shirtless, being told I would have to cover up soon and not understanding why. I wondered why I didn't have a dick. I always wanted to prove how strong I was, how fast I was, how high I could climb, etc. I remember when I first learned about puberty and I was 100% certain that, when the time came, I could pick which one I'd be and I knew I'd pick male. I couldn't wait to start growing a beard and look like Riker.

The dysphoria has always been really fucking bad. The autism, ADHD and OCD made me miserable already but dysphoria made me so badly depressed by the time I was 10 I was constantly thinking about ... well, let's just say that I never thought I would see 33.

I found out being trans was A Thing and started binding, begging my parents and doctors to let me start hormones, etc. I had a really shitty person at CAMH tell me that I didn't meet the criteria? Lmao. He's probably retired now and I hope he's miserable tbh.

I did eventually take T in my early 20s for about a year, then I had a breakdown thinking I was making a huge mistake... because I didn't think I'd ever be happy. I feel wrong down to my fucking DNA. Even now I'm fighting with myself because I feel terrible that I can never be a cis man and it just... it kills me.

So yeah, I decided to chug copium for years thinking that if I tried really really hard I could accept being female and be Okay.

Hahahaha. Ha.

The funny thing is, even when I was chugging copium I was still thinking things like, "If someone had a magic wand and could make me a cis male I'd say yes without hesitation," or, "I wish Star Trek was real cause they could fix me easily," or even, "Wearing a dress is drag."

I still felt like I was being weird by looking at bras, panties and swimsuits. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if you're into drag! And I'd fight anyone who tries to make trans women feel bad. It's just, personally, it doesn't feel Right for me.) I assumed people saw me as a man. I really played up being girly. I'd be giggling and acting flirty and barf. But I thought I was being very Gender and convincing people! And that's what I was trying to do: convince people. People who didn't need convincing because they saw me as a woman. It was just me who didn't.

Fun fact: I quote this all the time and people keep looking at me weird.

Anyway, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown over the past few days because my brain finally said, "You know what? Fuck this and fuck you. You know what you are, goddamn idiot bastard man." So now I'm trying to be less of a goddamn idiot bastard man and continue the process I started when I was like... 3. I'm gonna make little me so fucking proud when I grow that beard (god I hope I can grow a beard) and get this weight off my chest.

I haven't figured out what name to go by yet because I've been through several since I told my parents I hated my name when I was like 10 and none of them fit. But I am a man and I am starting the process of making that obvious to everyone around me.

I already know some people are gonna be challenging but fuck it, we ball!

[lyerra]

ROOM OF SWORDS SPOILERS

just me ranting about webtoon's comment section because I want to exteriorize some stuff

The whole Roseberry situation is so so weird to me. Tbh when I started room of swords I didn't care much about the ships, I was there for the plot, but when strawbarrow was revealed to have been canon all along I was so happy for them

However a lot of people were displeased because they thought Gyrus would end up with Tori.

I think one of the comment sections that struck me the most was right as the episode ended with Tori kissing "Gyrus" (who was actually Kodya in Gyrus' body pretending to be him) and someone commented "imagine possessing your boyfriend's body only for some girl to kiss him" which was a pretty funny comment

some people responded however that if anything Kodya was Gyrus' ex because he had been in a relationship with BB!Gyrus but New Gyrus didn't know him the same way. Which WOULD have been a good argument to make if Gyrus hadn't been making puppy eyes at Kodya since S1...

tbh it's fine not to see it, I didn't see it either at first, but to say that Gyrus was CLEARLY attracted to Tori???????? when he never showed any sign of liking her as more than a friend?

I've read RoS many, many times both before and after it ended (been reading it from 2019 oh god it's been so long???) and all through S1 there are these small, small hints that Gyrus has a small crush on Kodya EVEN THOUGH he doesn't remember him. They were always meant to be together.

Tori does develop some feelings towards him, granted (we do learn that it's because he looks like her beloved but that's later, people couldn't have known back then), but that doesn't make Gyrus entitled to return them.

People shipping Roseberry shouldn't make the authors entitled to change THE ENTIRE PLOT simply because some people aren't happy with their story choices.

At that point there's been many hints that New Gyrus and Kodya are still attracted to one another and I'm just sad and confused that those people were in so much denial.

On the brighter side, the next episode really starts with Tori telling "Gyrus" that she knows he loves Kodya because she's seen him LITERALLY PINING SINCE DAY ONE. AND THAT SHES A LESBIAN.

case closed, right? Kodya and Gyrus are canon and still very much in love, and Tori herself is in love with another, yet unnamed woman.

well lo and behold: s2 finale's comment section!

we finally see Kodya and Gyrus sharing their first kiss onscreen, so someone in the comment section said something like "THEY FINALLY KISSED AAAAA OUR SHIP IS SAILING" which was also my reaction and a legit reaction to it??

and since there was A LOT of dislikes (over 1,6k I believe) the op edited to say something about homophobes and the backlash was even greater

and in the answers there was actually quite a lot of people being salty because their own ship didn't sail and

I mean idk

maybe I can't understand because my ship sailed and not theirs but what the hell

first of all homophobes exist. the authors commented that they had lost about 20% of their audience when they revealed that Gyrus and Kodya were canon, and they received a lot of hate online for it.

second of all as I said it's not about ships it's about the plot. strawbarrow was always endgame and the whole story, including the romance between Kodya and Gyrus and the important role it played on the story, been planned since over a year before RoS was published. this is not your story, if you're not happy about it go read or write some fix it fanfics (it's not so bad once you get used to it). but in terms of writing strawbarrow was so well executed, I feel like being mad just because of a ship is really disrespecting the authors' intentions.

third of all, it had been made painfully clear since A LONG TIME AGO that they wouldn't end up together. clinging onto that hope was really unnecessary. they shouldn't be mad anymore, it had been over for a while now and they should have made their peace. people complaining by the time of s2 finale were really just delusional.

fourth of all, the dislikes may not all be from homophobes but if they aren't then they're from jerks. it's not because you're unhappy that things didn't go your way that you have to hate on other people because they got what they wanted and not you. that's just being mean smh,, let people enjoy the things they like in peace

[beesinspades]

I'm 3 months and 2 weeks on T now and I'm sooooo happy with it :D the first two months and then some were SLOW, so much so if it wasn't for one thing and the (temporary) side effects of the hormonal mess, I would've thought it wasn't working lol

but over the past month I've started really seeing changes!!

my voice started dropping, I can hear a difference with my voice pre-t!

I'm already growing facial hair on my neck and chin. at this rate I'll hopefully be one of the lucky ones with something decent before the end of my first year on T hehe

my belly is getting hairier

I think my face shape has started to change but that's harder to tell

so yeah I'm really happy because so far I'm getting nice changes and I haven't been plagued with being hungry, hot and horny. no mood changes either or anything. I don't feel any different from before T besides feeling more confident in my appearance. and I still have some palpitations when I lie down to go to bed in the evening and still in bed in the morning but I saw a cardiologist with echography and EKG and I'm good so it's likely the hormones. it was much worse before my third shot when we increased the dose.

also I don't know if it's related but before T I would get really nauseous (at the base of the neck rather than the stomach, idk how to explain it) at least once every three weeks or so, most of the time when I woke up in the morning and then it went away once I got up and went about my day. a week or so after I started T it got worse as in it started happening more frequently, at night too, and sometimes lasted throughout the day. then towards the end of the sixth week, before my third shot, it got so bad for like five days I thought I was gonna die hahaha but same as the palpitations improving, we did the third shot at full dose instead of half and the nausea disappeared. I haven't had a single instance of it since. so?¿?¿??? (both these things were already there before but probably made worse by a medication I started taking a little after going on T though. I stopped taking it as well)

anyways, I did two shots by myself so far, the first one went perfectly well and the second one I felt like passing out but it was likely because I did it in the morning right out of my hot shower sjdkln I lied down for 20 minutes and then felt fine again.

also I got the results of my check-up blood test yesterday and my T levels have very nicely increased (I'm at like 55) and everything else is normal :3

I'm a liiittle anxious because "oh my god what if I'm doing a mistake" but I'm really looking forward to the next few months!!!

but also WELP because besides my sister my family doesn't know. my mother hasn't called me in a month so odds that she'll notice something next time she calls me are not nonexistent and it's Not going to go well and I'm wholly unprepared for that conversation

next week I'm having lunch with my godmother whom I last saw on the day I started T, so that should be interesting too....she's always been supportive and nonjudgmental (to my face at least hahaha) but also given that she believes in the woke agenda I have no idea if HRT is going too far for her. wait and see :')

as for my dad, I'm frankly starting to wonder if he's just pretending not to have noticed anything. the voice I can get because he talks to me everyday so without a direct comparison it's not impossible that he hasn't noticed. but the facial hair??? I have way more than before and it's surprising he hasn't commented on it. anyway. either way the moment my mother knows he's probably gonna be made aware too.

anyway. excitement but also Fear

[chetchad]

Inappropriate decisions of '98

(WTRC!Brad Vickers x AFAB!reader)

WC; 5070

CW; p n v, age gap [20 and 35], drunk sex on one side, loss of virginity, reader has no pronouns but has breasts and wears bras, reader is catholic, I know nothing about catholics, Brad is a drunk sweetheart, inexperienced oral m!receiving, clothed on one side, naked on the other.

Date: November 13th, 1998

Time: 2:57 P.M

  It was rainy, as always, did it ever stop raining in Raccoon City? Brad huffed, still playing on his cell, as he's been doing since he bought the dang thing. Chris and Wesker threw pens at each other, Richard was playing solitaire on the boxy computer that sat on his desk, and Jill was sitting next to you while you read a Tiger Beat magazine.

   Sure, the magazine made you seem childish, but you were only twenty years old. Younger than the new rookie, Leon. But that's only because his birthday is only two months before yours. Everyone called you the baby of the team, and Jill was only three years older than you! Why don't they baby her too?

  Okay, maybe you were still kind of like a teenager. Sure, your Nokia 5110 and Sony Walkman are bedazzled with Lisa Frank stickers. Sure, you listen to Spice Girls and Brittany Spears, and you fawn over Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's besides the point! You're still a mature adult.

  Everyone adores you, honestly. Richard would stop anyone from saying anything remotely inappropriate, insisting that you need your innocence protected. Chris took the role as big brother, Wesker joked about taking the dad role, oh, but he embraced it after a while. Need money for the vending machine? Wesker's already there with a baggie of quarters. Bored? He's already suggesting things to keep you entertained. 

  Hell, even Leon's taken the role of best friend. Everyone thinks he's a bad influence on you. Leon? The pretty boy? A bad influence? Ha! That's cute; you're the bad influence and they know that. They just pretend not to.

  Brad on the other hand, doesn't like you much. Or he just pretends not to, and if that's the case, he'd make a good damn actor. But the thing is, you've begun to develop a small crush on him. Seriously? Out of everyone? Brad Vickers? Trust me, you've asked the same thing multiple times.

  Do you think about him every night? Yes. Do you fantasize about things that would make Richard clutch his pearls? Yes. Does it make you embarrassed? Absolutely!

  Honestly, you wish it was someone else and not the man who acts like you're the bane of his existence. Like, what'd you do to him? Come into his life? Because you blessed him with your presence, you're just a perfect little saint in everyone else's eyes, why not his? 

  You're done everything to try and get him, purposely dropping things and bending over in front of him, wearing crop-tops, all sorts of things!

  Finally, having enough, you set the magazine down and walked over to Brad with determination. Standing in front of him with your arms crossed and a sneer on your lips.

  “Brad, what'd I do to you?” You asked, slamming a hand down on his desk and jutting your bottom lip out.

  Everyone looked over with confusion. Why were you up in Brad's face like that? Brad didn't even look up from that damned game, too invested on the green screen.

  “What do you mean?” The blond asked and looked up at you through his lashes.

  “You know what I mean. You act like you're too high and mighty to be my friend. It's rude, jerk.” you huffed with a pout, straightening back up with a defeated look already.

  “Oh, you're just a little princess.” Brad answered with a smirk, looking up at you when he finally lost the game.

  “Don't call me princess!” you exclaimed, your cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

  “Princess.”

  “Oh, I'll show you princess.” You threatened and pointed a finger at him.

  “Don't threaten me with a good time, princess.” Brad teased, looking up at you with shit-eating grin.

  Richard glared at his friend, not liking the way he was talking to you, “Maybe you should stop talking–”

  Richard was cut off by Jill, who held a finger to her lips and shushed him, wanting to know how this interaction would end.

  “Like I'd ever do you, please, I have some standards.” You replied and crossed your arms, pouting like the little brat that you are.

  “And I'm the rude one?” Brad scoffed, setting his phone down and leaning towards you, “Me, you, tomorrow, 8:30, at J’s bar. Be there.”

  “Is this a fight…?” You asked slowly, confused by his wording.

  “It's a date.” Brad clarified, his heart fluttering quickly at your cute expression.

  “Oh, well it's a date then.”

  “Good,” Brad leaned back in his chair and smiled up at you, “And don't worry; they have highchairs.”

  You hardened your glare, “I'm not a baby!”

  “Keep telling yourself that.” Was all he hummed, grabbing his phone and starting over.

  With a triumphant smirk, you walked back to Jill and sat back down with your magazine. Everyone looked back and forth between you and Brad, before Richard mumbled something that everyone picked up; “Cradle-robber…”

  Brad quickly looked at his friend, his cheeks flushed a soft pink, “I-I'm not a cradle-robber!”

  Date: November 14th, 1998

Time: 8:26 P.M

  You were early, something you never were, but you're nervous so that's your excuse. You sat on the hood of your 90’ Honda Accord, waiting for Brad to arrive on this odd date. You began to bounce on the hood, listening to the clanks of the car with each bounce.

  “What are you doing?”

  You let out a startled squeak when you heard Brad's voice just appear from nowhere, “What the heck, man?! Scared the crap out of me!”

  Brad snickered, a lit cigarette hanging loosely from his chapped lips, the orange amber illuminating in the dark lighting. “What are you doing out here in the cold? You could have gone inside.”

  “I was scared, I've never been in a bar before.” you answered and looked up at him with a deadpan look.

  “Ah, makes sense.” He hummed and sat down next to you. “Mind if we stay out here while I finish this?” He asked, referring to the cigarette in his mouth.

  “Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.” You replied sarcastically and laid back, staring up at the stars that looked like gold flicked on a black canvas.

  Brad snorted at your words and poked you exposed tummy, “Where's the rest of your shirt?”

  “It's called fashion, not like an oldie like you would understand.” You joked, looking over at him with a smirk.

  Brad held a hand to his chest like he was offended, taking a drag from the cancer stick before exhaling it away from you. “Please, I'm not that old.”

  You shook your head fondly, taking a moment to admire him, the heat rising in your cheeks when you noticed how handsome he was. When you came to your senses and got out of your mind, you noticed he was staring down at you with a small smirk.

  “Enjoying the view?” He snickered, holding the cigarette between his pointer and middle finger.

  “Just noticed how ugly you are.” you snorted and winked at him, and quietly coughing when you got a whiff of the smoke, “Ugh, you shouldn't smoke. It causes cancer, you know?”

  “I know, I know. I just like it.” He answered plainly, looking towards the bar. “You know, I'm curious; how do you have all this nice stuff? I mean, not your car obviously–”

  “Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!” you gasped, sitting up quickly and narrowing your eyes at him.

  “I'm just saying, it's just not a sports car or anything.” he defended himself, trying to de-escalate the situation.

  “Like you have some super cool car.” You huffed and leaned towards him, almost challenging him to retort.

  Brad's cheeks flushed in embarrassment, “Shut up…” Brad flicked the cigarette away and stood up, stomping on it and turning to look at you. “Ya ready?”

  You climbed off of the hood and stood next to him, nodding and linking your arm with his. The two of you made your way to the bar, Brad opened the door for you, “Ladies first.”

  “Wow, what a gentleman.” You snorted and walked in, recoiling at the hotness of the bar while flinching at the loudness of the bargoers. “Geez, couldn't we have gone to, like, McDonald's or something?”

  “Really? Why, so you can play in the play place?” The blond asked sarcastically as he walked in behind you, trying not to smile when you latched onto his arm from nervousness.

  “Maybe so.” You answered with a small grin, having a thought that this might not be so bad.

  Brad let out a soft chuckle that sounded like music to your ears, it was so soft and airy, making your knees weak almost immediately. The two of you eventually found a booth in the back, the bench covered in a red vinyl that creaked and moaned when you sat on it. After obtaining your menus, you guys sat in silence between the two of you, reading the foods.

  “You know, you never answered my question.” Brad informed you, not looking up from the list of items.

  “Oh, rich grandparents.” Was all you answered, deciding in your head that chicken strips and a cherry Coke sounds good.

  “Ah, again; makes sense.” Brad hummed, flagging down the waitress with his hand.

  The waitress walked over with a small notepad and a bubbly smile, she couldn't be much older than you. “Hi, what can I do for ya fine folks today?” She asked, a strong southern accent shining through her words.

  “Hm, I'll have a cheeseburger, medium rare, and a beer. Thank you.” Brad answered with a smile and set the menu down.

  The waitress nodded and hastily wrote down his order, before looking over at you, “And you?”

  “Erm, I'll have the chicken strips and a cherry Coke, with a mini umbrella if you could” You answered with a small smile, toying with the corner of the menu. “Thank you.”

  She nodded again and wrote down your order, before grabbing the menus and walking away from the table. Brad drummed his fingers on the oak table, staring at you intently.

  “Why didn't you order a beer or something?” Brad asked, and cringed at his own stupidity after he asked his question.

  “I'm not 21…?” You answered with a confused look, playing with a hangnail on your index finger.

  “I know, I'm just stupid.” He chuckled and gave you a lopsided grin, enjoying your confused face that reminded him of a little puppy.

  Almost everything you did reminded him of a cute, little puppy. Your sad eyes and pouty face that you made when you were upset, the way you followed every S.T.A.R.S. member around like a lost puppy dog. God, Brad just thinks that you're just the cutest puppy ever. Ever.

  No-one can compete with your cute cheeks, that adorable little nose, your pert ass, and pretty hips.

  Brad shook his head at the thoughts, and gave you a smile to reassure you that he was listening. You had such pretty lips that he couldn't stop thinking about, so pouty and pretty when you wear that cherry lip gloss of yours.

  “Anyway, Chris punched a boulder at the park when he lost our hide-and-seek game, he hurt the crap out of his hand.” You rambled on, stirring the straw in your glass of soda.

  When did you guys get your drinks? Brad didn't notice when the waitress came back with a glass and a bottle, the glass sporting a straw and a small pink umbrella per your request, while the other was just a plain brown glass bottle.

   Brad grabbed the neck of the bottle and brought it to his lips, taking a sip and setting it back down on the table. Noticing your curious gaze, he raised a brow and nodded his head towards the beer.

  “You want to try it?” Brad asked with a small smirk, tapping his fingernail against the glass, making a soft ting.

  “I dunno, won't I get in trouble?” You mumbled, unsure about taking a swig of his drink.

  “You'll be fine, I promise.” Brad cooed with a small smile, holding the bottle out to you. “But you don't have to if you don't want to.”

  With some contemplation, you nodded and grabbed the bottle from him, flinching at the shock when your fingertips brushed against one another.

  “You shocked me.” You grumbled with a pout, and slowly brought the bottle to your lips. While you took a sip, Brad smirked and gasped, “Is that Enrico?!”

  You spat the beer back into the bottle, shoving it to Brad and looking around the bar. That’s when you heard Brad burst out laugh, making you turn and glare at him, wiping the sticky liquid off your chin.

  “You prick!” You barked, narrowing your eyes at him and rambling about how mean he is, while he just laughed.

  “Aw, c’mon, you know it was funny.” Brad snorted, running a hand through his shaggy blond locks. “Ugh, why'd you spit it back into my drink?”

  “You big jerk…” you grumbled and crossed your arms, but dropped your pout when the waitress came with the food on trays.

  “Here ya guys go! Enjoy!” The waitress smiled and set the trays on the table, before walking back towards the kitchen.

  Brad's stomach grumbled when he got a whiff of the food, making him immediately grab his burger. The two of you ate, Brad slowly getting more and more drunk as time went on. Slowly getting more and more messy, making you grimace and cringe.

  “Princess, l-let’s go back to my place.” Brad slurred, trying to play footsies with you under the table but instead he just kicked you in the shins.

  “Yeah, I don't think you can drive like this. Lemme see your wallet; you said that you would pay.” You mumbled and held your hand out, watching Brad fumble and try to fish his wallet out of his jeans.

  Brad handed his wallet to you, mumbling incoherent jumbles of words. You opened his wallet and froze when you saw all the cards in his wallet, why does he have so many? Shaking your head, you flicked open the part where the money was held and groaned when all that was there was a condom and a five dollar bill. You grabbed your purse and grabbed forty dollars in cash, signing the bill and setting the twenties atop of it. 

  You grabbed Brad's wrist and tugged him out of the bar, shuddering at the cool breeze that nipped at your uncovered belly. Brad drunkenly stumbled with you, quietly giggling and hiccuping along the way. When you made it back to your Accord, you opened the passenger side door and groaned when you saw your bag of laundry that you took to the laundromat earlier. You tossed the bag in the backseat, and gestured for Brad to sit down. 

  Brad hobbled over, giving you a drunken smile and climbing into the seat. You walked to the other side of the car, checking the back passenger side tire before continuing to the driver's side. You clambered into the car, slotting the purple key in the ignition, twisting it until the engine came to life. You buckled up and looked over to see if the blond ever did, but he didn't.

  You huffed, leaning over and grabbing the seat belt. You pulled it across him, the belt hissing against his jacket and jeans, and clipped it in with a click that echoed through the small car. Brad drunkenly giggled, watching you pull out onto the road.

  “Brad, what's your address?” You asked, sitting at a stop sign, waiting for him to answer.

  Brad's answer came out between hiccups and giggles. The drive was mostly fine, besides Brad constantly loudly humming along with ‘Baby one more time’. You parked in Brad's driveway, Brad's house was a small one in the suburbs part of Raccoon. You turned the car off and clambered out, walking over to the passenger side door and opening it. You helped Brad walk to his front door, digging his keys from his pocket and thrusting it in the door knob. You froze when you heard a dog bark and ran to the door. You've never been too fond of dogs, you're more of a feline and reptile type person.

  “Brad, is your dog friendly?” You asked the man who was leaning against your side for support.

  “Mickey is friendly.” Brad slurred, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck and nibbling on your skin.

  Your cheeks heated up at the feeling, blunt pleasure settling in between your hips. With a soft sigh, you turned the doorknob and pushed the door open, only to immediately be greeted by a blur of white. Brad's small Jack Russell, Mickey, jumped on your guys’ legs letting out excited yips.

  “Hi baby…” Brad murmured and pulled away from you, kneeling down and loving on his dog.

  “Brad, I'm going to go home–”

  Brad quickly stood up and wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing the small bulge in his pants against your lower stomach. You shuddered at the feeling, your nipples hardening at the arousal that grew inside of you.

  “Please don't. I want you… I need you…” Brad pleaded, leaving wet kisses up and down your jaw and neck.

  You let out a soft moan, squeezing your eyes shut, trying to level out the pros and cons of staying and giving the drunken Brad what he wants. Is this taking advantage of him? That's what you're most worried about, would he be mad afterwards? Yeah, all the negative thoughts left as soon as he palms your breast through the thin ribbed fabric of your shirt.

  Your lips met in a sloppy, messy, wet kiss; the taste of his beer still lingering on his tongue. Mickey let out a confused whine, and walked back to the living room where his bed was. You and Brad could care less about the dog, not with this intense make out session. Brad grabbed handfuls of your ass, lifting you up to be level with him, grinding his semi-erection on your clothed cunt. You keened when his cock rubbed against your clit in such a delicious way, sending shockwave after shockwave of pleasure throughout your entire body.

  Brad pulled away, quietly panting and staring at you with half-lidded, lust-blown eyes. Brad set you down and started pulling you down the hall, wanting to get to his room as soon as possible. Fumbling with the doorknob, you and Brad made it to his room without fail. The inside was mostly bare, just housing the bare essentials: a bed, dresser, TV, floor, and walls. You know, the essentials.

  Brad giggled and sat on the edge of his bed, pulling you to stand between his legs. Brad stared up at you, rubbing circles on your hips with his thumbs and quietly mumbling to himself about how pretty you are. You leaned down and kissed his kiss-swollen lips sweetly, making Brad lay down on his back so you'd lay on him. You rested your forearms on either side of his head, leaning on them with your knees planted by his hips, straddling him.

  Letting out the softest noise of pleasure, Brad hooked his leg around your waist, and parted his lips for you. You shook your head and pulled away, looking down at him with a small, shy smile.

  “Brad, can I blow you..?” You asked oh-so-sweetly, sitting up on his stomach and resting your hands on his chest.

  Brad almost moaned at your words and nodded eagerly, chewing on his bottom lip. You climbed off of him and kneeled between his legs, making him sit up, wanting to watch the entire time. With nervousness, you hastily undid his belt pulling the metal prong through the hole in the leather, successfully undoing his belt. You unzipped his fly and popped the button of his pants open with nimble fingers, getting a glimpse of navy blue boxers that were tented up by his hard cock. Brad laid back down and lifted his hips up off the bed so it would be easier to remove his jeans. You tugged his jeans and boxers off, exposing his semi hard cock and his hefty balls that hung low.

  He's drunk. Of course he won't get fully hard.

  “Erm, I've never done this before…” You informed Brad, making him quickly sit up and stare at you with wide eyes.

  “N-never? You've never sucked a guy off before?” Brad asked nervously, running a hand through his hair and fiddling with the zipper on his jacket.

  “Uh, no. I haven't…” you mumbled, shyly gripping his cock and running your thumb across the slit.

  Brad let out a choked gasp slash moan, squeezing his eyes shut. “Are… are you a virgin?”

  Silence that made him feel a sense of dread and guilt. You were just a kid, weren't you? A little pure kid that hasn't been tainted yet, and now he feels like a creep. But God, the sight of you just playing with his cock with those eyes full of curiosity and fascination made his lust overcome guilt. 

  “I'll make it special, I-i promise.” Brad slurred, stroking your cheek and smiling softly.

  You smiled back and leaned forward, meekly licking the pudgy head and scrunching your nose up at the odd taste. Without thinking, you tried to take all of his half-hard cock into your mouth while not having any prior experience. You gagged and pulled away immediately, catching Brad's worried and disapproving eyes.

  “You shouldn't have done that…” Brad slurred with worry, “You okay?”

  “Yeah…” you nodded with an embarrassed sigh, “Can I just suck the tip?”

  Brad nodded with excitement, watching you with a dopey grin when you started sucking and licking his tip while he let out groans of pleasure. Brad's mind was fuzzy and everything was kind of spinning. 

  After, like, ten minutes of you playing and mouthing his tip, he never even came. Pulling back with a frustrated expression, you looked up at him with confusion.

  “Am I ugly or something?” You asked sarcastically, grabbing his hand and pressing kisses to his fingertips.

  “No, just have a h-hard time f-finishing when I'm drunk or high… or bored…” Brad drunkenly giggled, squirming at the ticklish feeling of you suckling at his fingers.

  You rolled your eyes and moaned around his fingers, licking between them, on the underside, sucking, just having a grand ole’ time with his hand.

  Brad pulled his spit covered hand out of your mouth and pulled you up to stand, tugging at the waistband of your pants. With an eyeroll, you toed your shoes off and pulled your pants down, revealing you plain white panties that had a cute little bow in the middle of the waistband. Brad blushed at the sight, and glanced up at your shirt, signaling to take it off too. You shyly pulled your shirt off over your head, showing him your light pink bra that didn't match your underwear.

  That's not the first thing Brad noticed. He noticed the cross that sat between your breasts. You're Catholic? Of course. Now he feels even more guilty. The silver was a deep contrast against your smooth cleavage, showing off the pride of Jesus. 

  Shaking his head, trying to shake his overcoming guilt, he grabbed you by your hips and pulled you to straddle his thighs. Brad glanced back, staring at the white gusset of your panties that slowly turned almost see through. 

  He could see the outline of your chubby pussy lips, making his mouth practically water at the sight of seeing your panty-covered pussy so close to his exposed cock. It made him want to pound into you and hear you cry out his name in ecstasy.

  Noticing his spaced off expression while he stared between your legs, you settled your cunt against his bare cock and ground on it. Brad whimpered at the sudden pleasure, resting his head on your shoulder and bucking his hips up into yours. Brad laid back and you unclasp your bra, exposing your breasts and pert nipples.

  With a soft sigh, you tugged your panties off awkwardly, whining when his cock came into contact with your drooling pussy. Brad eagerly reached down, sliding his finger between your cunt lips, and shoving his face against your breasts. Brad slid two fingers in your drippy hole, clumsily pushing his middle and index finger in and out while trying to find your clit with his thumb.

  Mewling in pleasure, you rolled your hips against his hand while he mouthed wetly at your cleavage. You felt yourself teetering towards the edge of orgasming, and then he took his hand away. 

  “Brad! Why?!” You cried, staring at him with eyes of betrayal.

  “Want you t-to cum around my cock…” he slurred, and pointed to the bedside table. “Are you… um… on birth control? Do we need t-to use a condom?”

  “I'm on birth control… but I'd like to use lube, I'd like to hurt as little as possible.” You murmured, pushing his jacket off of him and pushing his shirt up.

  “T-there’s some in the drawer…” he mumbled, watching you lean over and grab the clear bottle.

  You shivered when you squeezed the cold liquid in your palm, warming it up before you fisted it on Brad's cock, schlicks echoing throughout the small bedroom. Brad moaned, panting with his cheeks flushed a pretty pink, drool dribbling down his chin.

  You rubbed the leftover lube that was on your hand on to Brad's sheets, noting to yourself that you'll wash them in the morning for him. Grabbing the base of his dick, you slowly sank on it, letting out shaky sighs. Brad let out a choked moan, grabbing onto your hips and watching in awe. You rested your hands on his chest, thumbing his nipples and gasping in pleasure.

  Brad's pubes were soaked with lube and your slick, leaving a sticky mess for him to deal with later. Leaning down, you wrapped your lips around one of his nipples, licking firmly with the flat of your tongue.

  Brad cried out, grabbing fistfuls of your hair and pulling at it. You began pinching and rolling his other nipple between your pointer finger and thumb, practically basking in his noises of pleasure.

  Reaching down between your bodies, you toyed with your clit, getting closer and closer to climaxing. Brad on the other hand… the alcohol in his system definitely delayed his orgasm.

  Pulling away from his nipple and sitting back up, you bounced with fever, your breasts jiggling with each movement. Brad watched, memorized by your tits and the necklace that bounced with every thrust.

  With a wail of Brad's name, you came on his cock, leaving a milky white ring around the base. You fell forward on Brad's chest, exhausted and worn out. Brad scrambled and began thrusting up into your pussy, trying to chase his orgasm.

  “G-god, ‘m so close…” Brad whimpered, picking up his pace.

  You nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck, lapping at the sweaty skin and whimpering in overstimulation. Brad slurred out apologies when he came inside of you, leaving you feeling warm and full.

  Brad stilled, wrapping his arms around you and closing his eyes. You let out a quiet giggle, tears welling in your eyes when you felt an odd guilt in your gut. Brad kissed the side of your head, and pulled the blanket over the two of you. You closed your eyes, the guilt slowly dissipating while you drifted off into a sticky sleep.

    Date: November 15th, 1998

Time: 7:28 A.M

  Brad groaned, feeling his head pounding and his stomach churning. Quickly standing up and running to his bathroom, he kneeled in front of the toilet and gagged.

  You hummed with confusion, opening your eyes and looking towards the slightly opened door. Rolling out of the bed, you stumbled your way over to the bathroom and froze when you felt something dripping down the inside of your thigh. Looking down, you felt the heat rise in your cheeks when you saw a white substance oozing from your pussy and down your leg. You waddled over to the bathroom, and pushed the door open, scaring Brad out of his skin.

  Brad quickly glanced over at you with wide eyes, before resuming his puking. You walked over and grabbed his hair, holding his blond locks out of his face, and rubbing his back with your palm.

  After a minute, Brad curled up on the cold tile and groaned, before looking up at you and noticing your appearance. Brad's cheeks turned crimson when he remembered what happened just the night before.

  “Did I act stupid?” Brad mumbled with an embarrassed frown, noting that he needs to clean around the toilet more.

  “Not too bad, no.” You reassured and crouched down next to him, playing with his hair.

  Brad scoffed in disbelief, smiling fondly at your affection, “Yeah, not too bad.”

  “So, can I use your shower? I also might need to clean your sheets, I wiped lube on them, sorry...” You murmured, not looking at him from embarrassment.

  “It's fine; they've seen worse. And yeah, you can use the shower.” He replied and sat up, giving you a small smile, but soon laid back down he felt his head pound.

  “What about your shee–”

  “Don't argue with me. Just get in the shower.” Brad demanded and rolled his eyes, pointing to the shower.

  With a quiet scoff, you stood up and walked to the shower, turning it on and stepping in the warm water. Brad sighed and stood up, stumbling out of the bathroom and grabbing a pair of boxers he found on the floor. Putting the article on, he walked out of his room and to the kitchen, immediately being greeted by his dog

  “Hey, boy…” Brad grumbled and grabbed the Advil from the medicine cabinet and popped two of the peach color pills.

  Brad sat down at the table and held Mickey in his lap, listening to the shower run and you singing some popular pop song that he recognized but didn't know the name of.

“What am I going to do with princess?” Brad let out a soft laugh and shook his head.

[m00nj3w3l]

VERY long rant sorry

Ever since I came out to myself as a lesbian life has made sure I'm as miserable as ever. I costantly hear stories of people actually coming to terms with their identity being such a freeing and wonderful thing while for me it has been the exact opposite.

I've gone through it all, I identified as bi first, then lesbian for some time but it didn't stick cus I had insane comphet in 2020, then bisexual nonbinary/agender for some time in 2021, then sapphic, up until I realised I'm legit just a fucking lesbian again and decided to stick to it, and yet I've never felt SO fucking tired even when going through all the different phases.

My mom doesn't even wanna say the word cus to her it sounds "bad/dirty". My dad, who I'm not out to, is the most classic cishet white dude on Earth who doesn't even know the difference between being gay and being trans and I know that if I ever made clear that I'm not interested in men he'd go on a rant about how I'm probably just scared of them, that I'm doing this for the trend.

Last close friend I had, bisexual dude who SEEMED to respect it, rambled about how unfortunate it is that I won't have sex with him because of this and then got offended that I didn't forgive him. Ok.

I hate to say this cus it makes me sound self-centered too, but men in general have started to hit on me more and it scares me when any of them stop me to ask me anything cus Idk when they're ACTUALLY asking for something or just looking for an excuse to try and get me. When I told my friend (bi girl) that this is a legit concern of mine, she said "well, you can just say you're gay and leave it at that" and I didn't reply cus I knew she meant well, but I don't think she understands that that doesn't work. Men either see it as an excuse from you cus you find them "ugly" and so you need convincing, OR you are to be fixed.

Around three weeks ago I hung out with said friend, she presented me two of her gay friends and when I said I'm lesbian one of them went "oh I couldn't tell, you really don't look the part" (UGHHH) while the other, older dude, went on a rant about how he used to make fun of lesbians and call them disgusting 20 years ago and how I'm "too cool" to be one. When I addressed it to my friend, she said he probably felt comfortable saying that cus he has found a community with that friend group, but how tf is it a community if I'm treated as a punchline and invalidated cus I don't fit the stereotype enough?

I keep on being told to find community but I, quite frankly, don't know where to go. I already live in a country that hates our guts, but if even the small amount of other queer people I know don't care or see me as valid atp I'd say I'm better off pretending I never came to accept my sexuality and just go play the role of cishet girl for the rest of my life.

[dzpenumbra]

3/13/23

I made up for 4+ hours of conflict yesterday with 6+ hours of streaming today.

I can't even explain how... delusional it feels... to stream a story game that is intentionally being streamed as essentially a set of dynamic prompts for me to tell a story... to no listeners... The traits, characters, setting, plot tools, all that... they're all delivered by the game. Select choices and making all the pieces fit together? That's up to me. And it's very difficult to... bring your 100% when you're telling a story to a handful of bots. When no one shows up. For hours.

I switched over to art after about 3 hours. I opened Krita and just started drawing this organic abstract stuff I've been doing lately. The work I did on the prayer beads, and the Be Here Now sign. Kinda like an organic membrane with voids or like... cell pockets. It's a type of design I've been doing for like 20 years. I did that and listened to the entirety of Periphery's new album. It's fucking good, really weird, really out there, really pushing their limits. Super different from anything I've heard from them. Very impressed.

So I did a live album review - to no one. At some point someone came by and said "long time no see"... and then nothing else. I engaged with them immediately... crickets. I looked at their profile, they followed me when I drew the owl (my profile picture) back in 2021, but I guess never came back since. And just went silent or left. People are so odd. Then someone new came in, and... same story. Just said hello, and I tried to strike up a conversation... crickets. It's so frustrating.

Honestly, it feels really sad. It feels like I'm just pretending to have friends, which really doesn't make the idea of actually making friends more real. It makes it feel farther away. I just... I fucking suck at this.

Daylight savings really fucked me up. I didn't get up and moving until like 4. That shit is so fucked up. Because I didn't get to sleep until like... 7! I'm genuinely surprised I'm getting this journaling done at such an early hour.

So... I missed the mixer at the board game shop. Never showed up, it got late too quick. I got yoga done. I skated up to the gas station up by the highway and got some food and snacks. The woman who worked there was laughing about some guy who came in twice saying that he got his turban stuck in the tire air pump thing, like it got sucked in or something... and she was just scoffing at him and laughing him off. And... I just kinda laughed at the absurdity of it, because I had this Looney Tunes cartoon of it happening in my head and it was pretty slapstick funny. But... inside... I was like... that's a religious garment, that's like... he's gotta feel really panicked that he doesn't have it. That's a big deal to some people, like real big. Like "lost a wedding ring" big. And they didn't even try to take him seriously and help him, they just laughed him off and told him to leave, they just said "it doesn't work like that, it blows air, I don't know what happened to your turban but our machine didn't suck it in" or something. And... yeah, in hindsight... poor guy, you know? I wish I had been a bit more present, I could've probably offered to help him.

I seriously... I hate how scared of people I am here. Just... in general, I guess. Like... crossing paths with a homeless person who was just yelling out loud in the street the other day. It's hard to really... empathize with that. It confuses me. It's alien. I'm super self conscious, it's like... the complete opposite, just like... ultimate not giving a fuck. Hard to put myself in those shoes. And that kinda freaks me out, I guess. Encountering people from different cultures at the gas station, it made me feel bad. Like... it made me feel like a bad person. Because I just... didn't know what to expect, really. Like... I didn't know what they were thinking, because I didn't know how I appear in their eyes. If that makes sense, I'm finding this hard to articulate clearly. Like... 3/4 of the people I run into I'm scared are going to try to steal my skateboard. Which is fucking stupid, because it's like 35 lbs and the controller for it is strapped firmly to my wrist and I'm going at least 8mph at the time... But my anxiety just tells me I'm gonna get a knife or a gun pulled on me and they're taking the board, my earbuds and my phone. And I just... I guess it's because I'm alone.

It's weird. It's most people. I just... assume I'm pissing them off, they're going to yell at me, they're going to call the cops on me, they think I'm stalking them, they think I'm creepy, they think I'm dangerous, they think I'm annoying or making a lot of noise (the board can be a bit loud on brick, but it's a really fun texture to ride on), they think I'm a hipster dad trying to reconnect with a lost youth (not far off, minus the dad part...). I have no idea what others see when they look at me. And I clearly assume the worst.

And over the past few years, I've heard some nasty things. Nasty things that people think of me. And... I'm afraid a lot of that might've gotten beaten into my head?

I'm having trouble wording this right, I think. I don't trust the people around me... because I don't know what they think of me, I don't know how they perceive me. Because I very rarely get social feedback, and the overwhelming majority of it is either avoidance or conflict. So it sorta stands to reason that the most likely perception of me is... negative. Or suspicious. Which means people will be guarded around me. Which means... I'm not safe.

God... what a mess. What a mess my brain has devolved into. Looking at this, no shit I don't go out in public. And all I've been begging for, for years now... is someone to just wingman. So it's safe for me to meet new people and branch out. Ugh.

How many times do I need to have this panic attack, good lord, I'm such a broken record on this! Every anxiety response I have - "I went to the store and I ran into people that must have been suspicious of me because I'm a white dude with a shaved head in his mid-30's wearing black" - and it always catastrophizes and then resolves at the same damn lament... "if only I had a friend. Someone to have my back."

I hate living like this.

Last time I'm hitting this point, I promise. Just... picture this. Instead of me going skating alone with earbuds in trying to ignore the thoughts of people staring at me and judging... or the cops pulling up and ticketing me for riding on the sidewalk or some dumb shit... Instead, me meeting up with a friend to go cruise and explore with. Exploring my new city, with another person, so it's... you know... fucking safer. So if I crash, I'm not fucking stranded alone. So if I get mugged, I at least have someone to help me out after the fact. Someone who knows where I am and can get help. Someone to just... keep me company, and tell me I'm doing a great job, and laugh at my jokes and shit.

Oh, and since we're basically sending wishes to the gods here, might as well ask for my flexibility back in my hips, and whatever weird shit is going on with my neck, if we could get that straightened out, that'd be dank. Thanks Lumbyx, God of Spines, love your work. Praise be.

Welp. That was like... my whole day. Didn't even shower. Just wake up. Grababrush putonalittlemakeup. Yoga. Skate to the shop, hit the riverside and see geese (which was cool) and head home. Watch youtube and eat and... stall. Then stream for 6+ hours.

And here I am.

I'm upset because... it didn't feel like an accomplishment. It was, there were several large accomplishments today. But they didn't feel like accomplishments. I have that feeling where I'm going "man, I want a cigarette" and I just came back inside from smoking a cigarette. Like a hunger. Dissatisfied. Discontent. Uneasy. Wanting. Longing. Craving. It really is like a hunger. I mean that. Like I could easily see others (myself even) trying to sate this hunger with... food, or water, or alcohol, or nicotine, or benzos, or pain pills, or weed, or sex, or like... anything, really. It's a very generic hunger. A very general, deep hunger. So vague and general that I really can't define what it is or where it is.

This, in the past, was why I made those Rimworld-style "Needs meters". Right now: Food - 7/10? Rest - 2/10 Recreation - 9/10 Beauty (of immediate environment) - 5/10 Comfort - 5/10 Outdoors - 7/10

(7+2+9+5+5+7)/6 = 35/6 = 5.8/10 total Mood

So... why am I in such a shitty mood then? Why am I so upset? 5.8 is really not that bad! What's the hunger about? Welp, in Rimworld, that would be one of the Mood modifiers. Not a biophysical thing... like base human needs, the stuff above. It's more of a... thought kinda thing. Psychological effects.

Which is what has brought me to this revision lately where like... I feel like Rimworld should have a need bar for Social. Because it really does feel like a basic survival need. And shit gets really fucky in your life if social just... disappears, or is all bad.

This is where I randomly and suddenly end the journal entry because I'm tired and I notice it's getting a bit late. I wish I had something useful to do with this Rimworld RPG self-help method. It really fucking upsets me that like... I presented this specifically to 3 professional licensed psychologists, one the head of a psychology department at a college, and all of them nodded and smiled and rolled their eyes and tuned out like I was a 5 year old telling them how I was going to be an astronaut someday. Because I found this game mechanic that, in staggering detail, not only maps out both the human psyche and Mazlow's hierarchy of needs, but creates a simulation of that system in a simulated environment. You can see it functioning in real-time. You can alter it. You can see the effects it has on mood and health and relationships and shit, you can see where mental breaks hit and what causes them. It's like... the foundation of the entire game. It's like... it's fucking psychology and self care in a nutshell. It's like a roadmap for self-therapy. And I made a 45 minute video breaking this down in painstaking detail for these people and they didn't even fucking watch it. YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF IN RIMWORLD, IN PREPARE CAREFULLY. I fucking did it myself to show them! Not even kidding, I made myself in Rimworld, my house, my cat, my dog, and screenshotted the needs tab with the bars and the thoughts list and everything. And I gave them the screenshot to show them, on fucking paper, precisely every goddamn moving piece of what was going wrong in my life. And they did that whole move that shitty parents do when they go "oh wow, that's a wonderful dog you've drawn, let's put it on the fridge a little later" and then the slip it into the trash.

I swear to god, this system helped me immeasurably in being able to get out of my head and actually identify my problems specifically. Like... look what I did here! Up above. Like, my problem is clearly not a base human need. I'm tired, but the rest is doing surprisingly well. It's a craving for social contact, or a craving for... emotional comfort? I'm sure if I tallied out my big mood modifiers, it'd paint a much more detailed picture. But identifying that this hunger is not a biological component is a really important factor for me, because it really feels like a biological factor... and that can be enough for someone to start binge eating or drinking or smoking or whatever, just to make that mysterious hunger go away.

I would love, more than anything, to share this tool with others. This could like... really help people. This could be the kind of tool that people in my generation that just... struggle to connect with therapy... they can do as homework. In an approachable context. Imagine this as an app. And you plug in your stats, and your modifiers. And if you hover over negative modifiers, it can give you suggestions of common remedies to help ease them and boost mood. Shit like that. I mean... come on... Just as a day-to-day self-care kind of thing.

Maybe someone will listen to me someday and see the value of stuff like this. This idea has lasted over 4 years now and I still hold the value of it, its value to me has increased. All because some phenomenally talented indie game developers wanted to make a game that simulates the function of human mood/psychology/biology in a survival scenario. What fool would not use such an advanced and well-crafted tool?

Okay. This is where I end the journal entry. But reset the vibes first.

The highlight of the day was... seeing the geese by the river. There was a guy filming them, no idea what for but it made me so happy to see it! And the river was beautiful, my first time down by the riverside at that part of the river, above the waterfall. And the light was beautiful, and the ancient brick mill buildings at the side of the river just looked really striking. I took a picture, even. That's a memory that will stick with me. I love nature. :)

[julie-thefatones]

Ghost of You || Luke X Reader || Part 1

Hello everyone!! welcome to my first Fanfic pretty much.... im really nervous about posting it, and really hope you guys like it! Im going to warn you that there are some punctuation mistakes, and probably some misspelled words, and run on sentences... but nobodies perfect eh? lol anyways Enjoy! please let me know what you think, I am already writing part 2 so if this goes well ill post that soon :)

A/N: Your best friends with Julie, since the stamp was removed from the boys they are able to be seen by lifers at choice and can touch lifers at choice, but are still ghosts. You and Luke grow closer and closer starting to go from friends to more than that and everyone starts to notice, it just takes a little longer for you two to figure it out.

Word Count: 2,352

First day of school is always hard, especially senior year.... big deal or its supposed to be. You have always had a hard time with school because it was just hard for you to focus, you were always thinking about what you would rather be doing like painting, singing, taking a walk, and most recently learning guitar which Luke had been more than happy to help you with. Luke, Luke Patterson he was a member of your best friend Julies ghost band, Julie and The Phantoms, which included members Luke, Reggie, Alex, and of course Julie. You always knew they existed but it wasn't until recently that you were really able to get to know them your self because until recently only Julie could see them. Ever since they had that curse of a stamp removed from them, they pretty much can choose whenever they want to be seen or touch anything. It has been nice, because now you can really be apart of your best friends new world, you also got to make 3 new really fun and funny friends, they were just as chaotic as you and Julie. You and Luke really clicked from the moment you and him were able to actually see each other, well he has always been able to see you, but this way was much better. Since you and Luke hung out all the time, you found your self spending hours with him a day. In fact thats where you were before school, was with Luke, you guys had this little place by a lake you loved to hang out at, which caused you to be late for your first day.

So deep in your thoughts you didn't even realize you made it to your locker until you heard the all so familiar tone of your best friend calling out your name as she approached your locker "y/n!!! I didn't even see you pull in" Julie said as she now rested against the lockers next to you "Hey Jules! sorry I over slept and was late" Julie rolled her eyes "On your first day! man you really setting the bar high this year" she said laughing at you, You laugh too at the obvious sarcastic tone in her voice "alright, alright!! ms setting the bar high, we better get to class" you say punching Julie playfully in the arm before heading down the hallway to class.

As you sat in class, you started to feel really bad about lying to Julie about the real reason you were late to school today, you just didn't know how to explain how much you and Luke have been hanging out with out her asking a million questions, but its not like it was a big deal. Trying to get out of your head you try to focus on Mr. Berty who was describing the different factors of algebra which you never understood anyway, so you just write notes in hopes that when you study it later you'll understand it.... which never happens either. As you're writing notes you notice something in the window, in the corner of your eye, not really thinking anything of it until you notice that the thing is jumping up and down and no one else is noticing which could only mean one thing. You look to the side and you see Luke in his orange beanie and Rush tank top jumping up and down waving his arms in order to get your attention with the biggest smile on his face, you laugh to your self, and then realizing he must want something, looking at the clock you realized you still had 40 mins left in this class *Oh my gosh! for real its only been 20 minutes!* you thought to yourself; quickly looking from the clock to the window where Luke was still jumping, you raise your hand "Yes ms. Y/L/N" you bring your hand down faster than you want to, slightly hurting it on the desk "May I use the restroom please?" you ask hesitantly, eager to know what Luke wants, Mr. Berty sighed with annoyance "If you really need to, I suppose, but make it fast ms. Y/L/N" you stand up a little to excited "Thank you mr. Berty" you said as you scurried out the door.

When you made it outside Luke stopped jumping, but his smile remained. You loved his smile, it was contagious, you noticed you were smiling too "Luke! what are you doing here" you said punching his arm playfully, he laughed and grabbed his arm pretending that the punch hurt him "Wow the abuse Y/N" with a smirk he continued "Someone help!!! im being abused someone help!!!" you roll your eyes and smack your hand over his mouth "Not that anyone can hear you, but shut up! that did not hurt" you say with a small laugh, as he is laughing underneath your hand "What are you doing here Luke?" you say with your hand still on his mouth, you feel his smile grow bigger underneath your hand "Well, Y/N, Im here because I got something for you!! but you have to come with me to get it" he said with pure excitement, still with your hand on his mouth, then he licked your hand to get it off, you pull away in knee jerk reaction, he smiled "Sorry! as much as I love your hand on my mouth we need to go!" he said eagerly, you laughed and rolled your eyes "Luke, you do realize im at school right?" he grabbed your hand pulling you across the school field "Yeah! but if you really cared about that, you wouldn't have come outside would you" he said, still with the biggest smile on his face, you rolled your eyes even more and gave in knowing he was right "Alright! but where are you taking me" you exclaimed, speeding up to be side by side with him instead of him dragging you, he looked at you, and bit his lip still excited "aha! you'll just have to wait and see" he said and you both smiled. As you kept walking you realized never Luke never let go of your hand from when he was dragging you..... not that it meant anything, it felt nice though.

It took about 15 mins to walk to you and Lukes usual spot by the lake, still holding hands you approached the tree you guys likes to sit by, or sit in depending on if you wanted to climb, which about 90% of the time Luke did.. also doesn't help he can just teleport up there if he wants to, where as you had to do it the hard way while he just laugh at you trying to climb up. This time Luke wasn't going up the tree, he let go of your hand, which kind of made you sad, but then you saw the look on Lukes face, which was pure excitement "Stay right here Y/N!" he said firmly grasping your shoulders to make sure you stayed in place, as he hopped over to the tree "CLOSE YOUR EYES!" he yelled from behind the tree grabbing something, but you obeyed closing your eyes and before you knew it he was in front of you, you could feel it "Alright, you can open" he said softly, you opened your eyes, and there Luke was with the same smile, holding an acoustic guitar, you could tell it was a nice one, just from the shine on it and how pretty the strings looked, you didn't even realize your mouth was wide open until Luke laughed "Ya like it?" he exclaimed, and you just looked at it "Is that for me?" you asked shocked and excited, Luke laughed "Is that for me?" Luke mocked you "Yeah its for you! ya dork" he continued as he hopped over around you, to get behind you so he could place the guitar in front of you for you to hold, you could feel his arms brush against you... which you like as much as the hand holding but, a little more ... again it didn't mean anything, he was just a friend... and Julies band mate. Luke continued talking taking you out of your trance "Ya never answered me though, do you like it" He said still behind you, but now you were holding the guitar, you just looked at it in awe "Where did you get this Luke? How did you get this?" you asked still in shock, Luke just laughed "Don't worry about that!" he said with a mischievous tone, and then you got worried "Luke you didn't ?!... you didn't steal this right!" you asked with actual concern, you wouldn't put it past him, he just laughed and in a teasing tone said "Ouch! you think I would do that Y/N.... Im not that bad!" and then he continued but more serious this time "No! I didn't steal it, Since I have this new found power of choosing when to be seen and stuff, I picked up a small job at the music store downtown, thought why not earn some money.... and then when you asked me to teach you how to play guitar, I wanted to get you your own.... sooooo I have been saving up ever since" he said in a soft tone and then you felt him come closer to you from behind, but now he was putting his hands on the guitar softly playing a melody, while pretty much holding you, as he played the melody you could feel his breath on your neck.... you guys have never been this physically close before, right before you got to lost into your thought Luke continued talking "You! still haven't answered the question though!!! do you like it??" he exclaimed with a teasing tone once again, which caused you to laugh, and you turned around in his arms making the current position pretty much a hug but Lukes holding a guitar "Of course I like it you dork!!" you said excited and continued "This is the nicest thing anyone has done for me...." you looked into his eyes and with a soft tone said "Thank you" he smiled, a soft smile, and his whole face became soft as he relaxed the guitar down by both your sides and looked deeper into your eyes "Of course...." he said softly, both of you just looking deeper into each others eyes, you felt some kind of connection, and you felt like you both were getting closer and closer to each other and then a voice came from behind both of you, causing both of you to shake out of the trance you both shared "Hey! Y/N! Luke! what are you guys doing out here?

You and Luke both jump, moving away from each other as you see Reggie come out of the trees eating a meatball sub. You and Luke look at each other confused as crap as to why Reggie was there and how he knew about it "Hey Reg!" Luke said a little nervous putting his hand behind his head messing with this beanie, you looked flustered flashing your eyes from Luke to Reggie and back to Luke who continued talking "the real question is what are you doing out here buddy?" and Reggie just chuckled a little, while taking another bite off his sandwich "Well, I went to the school to see Kayla like I always do, we like to eat lunch together, then I saw you two run off and thought I would follow" Reggie said with a full mouth, you and Luke shared a look "So you have been here the whole time?" you asked, wondering how you guys didn't notice Reggie was behind you guys the whole time, Reggie smiled a meatball smile since his mouth was still full and he answered "Yeah!! but I wanted to eat my sandwich so I decided to sit down in those trees and eat it" Luke looked at Reggie with a confused look "But Reg, isn't that your sandwich?" Luke asked still confused, and Reggie looked at him, again with a meatball smile "No! this was supposed to be Kaylas sandwich but since I didn't see her, because I followed you guys... I decided to eat it!" You and Luke laughed and Luke stepped forward patting Reggie on the shoulder "Kayla is one lucky girl Reg!" Luke said teasing Reggie, you laughed in response, and then Reggie went back to his initial question "So what are you guys doing out here?" he asked taking yet another bite of the sandwich, in which Luke got nervous again and answered Reggie with a slightly nervous tone "Hey! shouldn't you be getting back to the school, Kayla is gonna be wondering where your at bud" Reggie stopped chewing and his eyes grew big and he looked at Luke "Youre right! awww man, im gonna have to go get another sandwich" Reggie answered in a high pitched nervous tone "Ill see ya guys later!" Reggie said while running away nearly tripping over his own feet. You and Luke sighed and looked at each other, Luke smiled "Well should we get you back to school as well?" Luke asked you with a soft tone added with a light chuckle at the end, you nodded "Yeah, Lunch is gonna be starting soon and Julie is gonna be wondering where I went" you responded, and then looked at your guitar and looked back at Luke "I love my guitar Luke, I really love it!" you said as you wrapped your arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug, he responded by wrapping his arms around your wait pulling you in tighter, when you guys released from the hug you shared another look, quickly shaking it off with Luke responding "I cant wait to teach you some more chords on it!" he said back to his excited state from when you first got there, skipping forward grabbing your hand again as you guys walked back to school together.

[fckwritersblock]

Act 1: While We’re Young

Chapter 5

Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens x Black OC

(Unedited.)

Tuesday

January 10th 2005

Last night was the only night I'm allowing myself to cry over him and his 'return'. What good would it do me? No, I was gonna take Erik and whatever he had to throw at me by storm.

Waking up the next day, I feel refreshed. Like a brand new person with a more positive mindset. Today I had 3 classes and I'm determined to have a good Erik free day.

That whole Erik free thing went out the window as soon as I got to my first class.

Double O Computer Programming 1 was a junior class, however I'd taken it during the summer during my first year at UC Berkeley. DOCP 2 wouldn't be available until next semester but I needed to have a class since this was my first year on the actual campus. Thankfully Miss Hill really needed a T.A and the fact that I could help with an algorithm that tied into thermal nuclear astrophysics had her sold.

Right after I finished taking attendance, she barely got a word out before the door swung open revealing Erik as our late comer. I quickly glanced at the sheet in front of me, scanning for his name. I was so use to calling him N’dajaka when we were kids, I completely skipped over ‘Erik Stevens’. I huffed rolling my eyes, arms crossed over my chest. His timbs were the only thing heard shuffling across the room making hid way toward the front of the class. Wordlessly he handed Miss Hill before his eyes were on me. They scanned me from top to bottom, before locking with me a smug grin on his lips.

"Hey Lona," my jaw dropped.

Before I could get out a word, Miss Hill opened her mouth, looking up from the paper he handed her.

"Welcome Erik, sorry for the confusion."

"It's all good," he shrugged.

"Im Miss Hill, and I see you already know my aid. As I explained to the class prior to taking attendance, If I'm unavailable feel free to email or call her during the hours listed on the sheet." She is then took a sheet from me and handed him to me. "Other than that, find a seat."

He nodded pretending look over the sheet before averting his gaze back on me.

"I'm definitely gon do that."

Fuck my life right?

Well, Erik just so happened to be in the Calculus class I skipped two days ago. I thank God my record was squeaky clean and Mr. Kennedy accepted my poor excuse before I was quickly reminded the man upstairs has a sense of humor as the only available seat was next to Erik.

"The person next to you will be your partner for the remainder of the semester so let's take the next 15 minutes getting know one another hmm?." Mr. Kennedy instructed.

I couldn't suppress the groan that slipped as Erik casually leaned back in his chair, examining me.

"You heard the man, get to know me."

"I know all I need this know about you Erik."

"Oh so I'm Erik now? Like that?" He spoke cool, calm, and collected like our exchanged was normal.

I gripped my pencils tight, my knee bouncing up and down my body tense.

"Let me set things straight now. We don't need to talk to one another. If it doesn't have anything to do with any of the classes we take together, don't want to hear it. When you see me act like you don't know me. We clear?"

The expression on his face was unreadable before his lip twitched slight him responding.

"Crystal."

Wednesday

January 24th, 2005

It had been two weeks since Erik showed up here.

Ok that's a lie.

Apparently this man has been here. And to top it off, this mans name was in every bitch mouth like the second coming of Jesus Christ. From what I've observed though, he doesn't say much, or gives any of these broads much attention. He don't say much in general actually, he's really good at blending in. He got that laid back, mysterious, bad boy vibe going for him and these females out here hella into that.

But when he opens his mouth, that cocky bastard sure knows how to disrupt my entire soul at least while we're in class.

Outside of class though, he acts like I'm invisible.

It was like he never knew me. And honestly, I don't know how to feel about it. I know that's what I said I wanted but it bothers me just the same.

Today in particular though, he argued me down during our Calculus class. We had one problem to figure out before we could leave class today. You and your partner were supposed agree on the answer, and heaven forbid he just agree with me so we can get out of here. Math was always my subject when we were kids, nothing has changed. I was damn near about to say fuck it when he started laughing.

What in the entire fuck it so funny?" I was fuming.

"You," he shook his head. "You really hella mad."

"Um, YES!" I damn near shouted fed up. "You literally been tryna convince me it's 5 when it's-"

"Chill. I know the answer is 3 girl. C'mon, let's go." So smoothly he closed the book, grabbed his bag and headed to the front.

I was so upset, I had to let him do all the talking when it came to explain to the teacher I'll answer and how we got there. I know I open my mouth I wasn't going to say anything nice.

"Girl what crawled up your ass and died?" Donise questioned with a stank look as we sat at one of the benches outside of the library.

"Yeah What did Erik do now," I could hear teasing in Tatiana's tone so I flipped her off.

Only giving a brief explanation, I went on a mini rant about what happened in class 20 minutes ago. Donise's thought it was funny, while Tati just shook her head.

"I still can't believe it him," Tatianna glanced as a group of guys from across the quad headed our way, Erik included.

"Yes, and I wish it wasn't."

Tatianna was the first real friend I made in a while. I was actually tutoring her online for a while before she found out I was 4 years younger than her. Our friendship started off as a trade. I was her tutor and she both convinced and enrolled in a mentor program to help me with my social skills. I didn't speak to anyone much when Erik left, but I got into a lot of fights. According to the school counselor I was taking out my anger and abandonment issues on.I have meds to tame the anger, and while I haven't had to take them in a while Eric definitely bring that anger out of me.

"Girl that's just sexual tension. You got to fuck all that out." Ashley put in her unwanted two cents.

"Trust me when I tell you on God it isn't."

"Well if you out to holla, then trust and believe I will." She tossed her hair over her shoulder

I didn't really mess with Ashley like that, but she was Tati's frat sister which made them 'friends'. That little thot pocket will screw anything with legs, D, and a pulse and I'm not bout that life. Plus she messy as fuck and I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.

"I don't doubt it," I smirked as Donise said exactly what I was thinking.

Donise was coo' though, I meet her when I first got here 2 months ago. Believe It or not she was apart of the welcome comity for MIT and turned out her and Tatiana were already friends. Once she figured out  who I was, I was shot to the front line during registration and everything.

"Anyways, y'all going Ant and them party tomorrow?" Ashley questioned probably tryna bum a ride.

"What party?"

"The Que's," Donise answered. "The dudes with Erik are frat."

Now this was news to me. I met most of them before but I had no idea there were in a sorority. Examining them, I guess it all made sense. Most in the clique sported some sort of purple and yellow lanyard either around their neck or on their keychain that hung from their jean pocket as if  they wanted everybody to know who they were. Which I wouldn't doubt.

"Ladies! What we chattin about?" Moses questions every bit of his thick English accent tapering off every word.

"Our plans for mañana," Tati answered l

"Word. Y'all coming to the party tomorrow?" Jay spoke playing with a few strands of Donise's curls.

"Tomorrow? It's Thursday." I said confused. "Ain't there class the next day?"

"What's the matter, you can't hang?" I glared at Jay, knowing he was only chastising me because him and Erik were close, according to Tati.

I swear to God men gossip more than women do. Rolling my eyes I spared Erik a glance and he looked like he was waiting on me to respond.

"Oh, I can definitely hang."

I couldn't hang.

Around midnight I was  in the bathroom throwing up everything, damn near hug in the toilet as my surrounding looks so blurry and I can barely function. Im not sure when I'd finally finished, but I could feel someone picks me up and out the bathroom and soon everything goes blurry and then black.

Tag list: @kitesatforestp @xsweetdellzx @justgetitoverwith0 @letsshamelessqueen-m @cmkcolove @readingaddict1290

[msgrumpygills]

Honestly, I don't know how Jared's stans can "support" him or don't analyze his actions critically after that interview. I never understood weird emotional attachments to SPN cast where people acted as if those men are their actual family. I liked them, sure, but after r*pe jokes and the way they spoke about their children (for some that would be ok, for me it was icky) I distanced myself from SPN and generally lost my interest watching series. I came back, of course, right before the final, stayed after Hell that was Dean's ending (still don't know how Jensen agreed, probably couldn't breach the contract) and rediscovered the beautiful world of SPN stans. Back in the days it was Misha's stans with 'Misha has been bullied by j2' narrative but this whole "great betrayal" mess is outstanding.

But what is more outstanding is arguments that have been made after the interview. Jared shifted blame on fans. Like they created the "back stabbing" thing. He throwed the usual 'I love you brother' speach to wet someone's panties. It's an obvious damage control for his awful image. He wants people to believe it was funny misunderstanding, not misunderstanding with tantrum of a teenager.

But even if it is a cover up for Jensen, let's pretend. How does Jared benefit from this? Because this scenario insinuate that Jared's feelings were rightfully hurt (read those tweets again 😂), he forgave Jensen, but now suddenly nobody is to blame. It doesn't make any sense. Why would Jared defend Jensen if he truly messed up? And by defending him he put all blame on fans. It is a strange decision in that scenario.

I guess my opinion of Jared is bias and I generally don't understand why people are spending their time to defend that man. And by writting this I am not better than they are. But this situation is so much fun and I just couldn't pass by.

Thank you for creating this blog! ❤️

I definitely had my times of defending the guys like they knew who I was and cared about my defense of them, and when you're that deep into a fandom, it's hard to see the flaws. I remember Jared's PSH comments coming out and I defended that. Him constantly bullying Justin Bieber? Defended it completely. Looking back at that now, I am embarrassed that I did that. I understand that I was younger then and I was a total fangirl so I try to go easy on myself while recognizing that defending those actions weren't something I would do again. I'm a fan of things and geek out over people and things now, but I'm not nearly as bad as I was back then. I am able to see mistakes and flaws and while it sucks to say "Yeah, my fave messed up." it's part of human nature. I'm not saying that you can't be a fan of something or go hard for someone or something, but just be aware that no one is perfect and don't let your love of these things cloud your judgement.

I hate to say it, but a big part of why I stopped watching the show or fell out of love with it was the fans. I didn't agree with some of the writing choices and things on the show, but the fans and the whackjobs within the fandom just made me want to get away from all of it. Then I found the anti blogs and realized that there was a lot more that I had missed or ignored because I was so deep in the fandom.

Jared is incapable of taking responsibility for anything. I'm no psychiatrist, but I'm pretty sure he ticks a few boxes for a narcissist, no? At the very least, he's toxic which I know gets thrown around a lot, but if anyone, stans included, had a friend who acted the same way Jared acted, they'd cut them out of their life. But since it's Jared, it's fine. I think the reason Jared's behavior struck such a big cord with me is because I've seen the same behavior in people in my life. At the beginning of the year, I ended a 20+ year friendship because of toxic behaviors and some of the things I criticize Jared for, were things that my friend did. Maybe it's extreme, but if I knew Jared personally, I would try and limit my time around him as much as possible.

Back to my original point though, he can't accept blame and say "I messed up" and learn from things. Him doxxing customer service workers? Not his fault, he wasn't getting treated right! Him assaulting his employees and friend while drunk off of his ass? Not his fault! He must have been drugged! (Don't get me started on his mugshot shirt and him making it all a big joke). Him having a tantrum on Twitter of the prequel? That's Jensen's fault for "gutting" him. Wait, no! It's the fans' fault for reading it wrong! Yeah, that's the new story.

Common thread? Jared not taking blame. He also has a habit of making things out to be silly or a joke when they shouldn't be at all. The assault, prequelgate, he just brushes them off like they were tiny mistakes, not big things that caused a lot of harm. He's a prick and I am comfortable saying that until he proves otherwise.

This got long and I apologize, but thank you for coming to the blog!

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC (Female and Male POV)

Word Count: approx 3.3k

Warnings: swearing, smut,

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 19

Part 20 Final Chapter

Liam and I took it easy for the next couple of days. We spent some time with Perrin and Cole, taking them for walks and making sure they were getting along.

We watched Inglourious Basterds in Liam's theatre room, which was amazing. It was like being in an actual movie theatre. The dimmed lights and sound system made the experience great. Liam cooked me dinner. We even played Scrabble a few times. We were pretty evenly matched, so the games were competitive. We worked out. We fucked. We made love.

On Saturday morning, I woke with a sore neck. I prayed it was just a strained muscle from working out but the stress I was under during the week tended to catch up with me on a Saturday. By about 4 pm, the left side of my head started pounding, and my eyes became sensitive to light. Every sound in the house felt like screaming in my ears, and I wanted to throw up. I would have cried if I didn't already know how much worse it would make it my migraine.

I told Liam I had to go to bed. Even though my migraines were terrible, I was lucky I could usually treat them with some codeine and a few hours of sleep. They rarely last more than six hours. Liam was lovely about it. He insisted on helping me get changed for bed, and he even went and got me a cold washcloth for my head. He laid in bed with me until I fell asleep.

I woke up around 11 pm feeling groggy, but the migraine had gone. I got out of bed and went looking for Liam.

I found him asleep on the lounge under a blanket downstairs. It looked like he had planned to sleep there all night. Perrin was curled up on the blanket between Liam's legs, and Cole laid on the floor in front of the couch. Cole looked up when I came in, rubbing himself against my legs like a cat and nudging my hand for a pat. Perrin's ears came up, and his tail wagged but didn't move. Lazy old Dog.

I knelt in the spot Cole had been. Liam looked so much younger asleep, almost like a boy, since he had started shaving. Apparently, his character is clean-shaven a lot of the time, so he will be switching between being shaved and unshaved depending on filming. I didn't want to startle him, so I ran my fingers through his hair until he started to wake. Liam stretched a bit before opening his eyes, and he looked so cute doing so I almost pinched his cheeks. Perrin finally got up, realising his warm spot was compromised.

"Hey, Sweetheart," he said and looking at his watch. "Are you ok? do you need anything?"

I smiled at him and shook my head. "Just you," I said.

Liam smiled one of his full Hollywood smiles. He takes my breath away when he does that. "How's your head?"

"I haven't had any complaints," I said, winking. I think I've watched Drag Race too many times.

Liam chuckled and shook his head at me. "And you certainly won't get any from me." He said, getting up. Kissing my forehead, he said, "I'm glad you're feeling better."

I took his hand and pulled him towards the elevator. Like the gentleman he is, he pretended I was able to pull him.

We get in bed, Liam on his back and me with my head on his chest. He stroked my hair, trying to lull me to sleep. I always find it difficult to sleep at night if I have a nap in the afternoon. I was content to breathe my calming breaths and not worry about forcing the sleep I knew would eventually come.

Since sleep was alluding me, I asked Liam, "are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"Meeting your family?" I nodded. He shrugged, "a little. It's been a while since I've been introduced to the family. A couple of years, actually. But I'm mostly looking forward to it." He gave me a quick kiss. "What about you?"

"After Thursday, I don't know if I'll be nervous about anything again." Liam chuckled. "I'm a little concerned about my mum. But I'm excited about you meeting the kids. I wonder if they will recognise you."

"Sometimes, kids do. Other times they say that's not him. He doesn't have a cape." I chuckled. Liam didn't speak for a while, so I tried letting Liam's breaths rock me to sleep. Then he spoke again, "Do you want kids?"

"You know, I do," I replied. We had spoken about it when we first started talking. Not wanting kids had been a deal-breaker for both of us. It was one of the first questions he had asked once we had gotten past the superficial talk. I looked at him, puzzled. "Why?"

"When you first told me about your contraception, I thought with my dick, so naturally, I was excited about not having to wear a condom." Liam's lip twitched, "Having said that, I wouldn't mind seeing you put a condom on me again." I rolled my eyes and indicated he should keep talking. "But then I thought you got that thing put in when you were still with Andy. If it's none of my business, that's fine. I had just been thinking about it, is all."

"You're wondering why I would use such a long-lasting contraception when I was married and wanted kids."

He nodded. "That sums it up."

"Well, several reasons. I had to replace the one I had. It had expired. Second, I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and one symptom is very irregular periods. I was always scared I was pregnant. I could go months without a period, and when I did, they were hell. I would get migraines for weeks, mood swings from being happy to almost suicidal throughout my cycle. When the period came, there was bad cramping and back pain, joint pain, fatigue. So, I had my first implant when I was 20."

"That sound's awful, Sweetheart."

"Yup. I got the last one put in instead of trying for kids because I was 26. Yes, Andy and I wanted kids, but we wanted to wait a few more years, pay more off the house, grow up a bit." Liam nodded.

I was surprised that talking to him about Andy in such intimate detail didn't make me start crying. I still felt sad and missed him, but it was different now. There was a fondness to the thoughts rather than the fear and guilt that would usually arise. Anthea had been right. I had to talk with Andy and be honest with him about how I felt. As if verbalising how I felt to Andy, wherever he was in the universe, eased the guilt I was feeling. It made me realise that it wasn't wrong or selfish to seek love again. It was what made life special, sharing your life with someone else.

Liam was looking with furrowed brows. "Are you ok?" He asked.

I wondered if I should tell him what I was thinking. Would he be interested? Would it be weird for him to hear about Andy? In some ways, Andy had always been the elephant in the room. He was mentioned in passing, but other than last Friday, I hadn't told him anything meaningful about him or how I felt. He had been right when we argued, Andy was a shadow that loomed over the relationship, and that was my fault. I decided to be honest.

"Yeah, I am." I gave him a half-smile and said, "I spoke to Anthea, my mother-in-law, on Tuesday." Liam's face was unreadable. Too late to stop now. I kept going. "I wanted her to hear from me that we were dating before it was official. It turns out she already knew. She was cool about it, happy for me. I was surprised by her response, and I thought she would think it was a betrayal. But she said I should talk to Andy, and I would feel better."

Liam still wasn't showing me what he was thinking. His face was stoic. I thought again, I should stop. "Keep going," he said, his voice not much louder than a whisper.

"So I visited Andy and told him about how I was feeling. I told him about you and how I felt about you. It seemed to work like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I felt free."

Liam was quiet for a while. I could almost see him arranging his thoughts. After a while, he said, "it seems the only one who makes you feel guilty is you."

"I think that was true, but not anymore," I said. "Are you upset I told you that? Is it... I don't know... tmi?"

Liam gave me a half-smile, "no, Lana. I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you did that. Not just for me, but for you."

"Then why were you looking at me like that?"

Liam's smile was full now. "Because I thought you were going to break my heart. Instead, you told me something private and because you wanted to. Not because I forced you or put you in a position where you had no choice. It makes me believe you may care about me as much as I care about you."

I cupped his face in my hands and looked deeply into his eyes, so he knows what I'm saying is true. "Liam, I do care about you. I don't think anyone else could have opened my heart. I was ready to go the rest of my life alone. If it weren't for you, I would never have taken those final steps to move on. For being the catalyst I needed, I will always be thankful for you and care about you."

Liam POV

Lana held my face in her hands. Her green eyes shined in the dim light of my bedroom as she spoke to me. "Liam, I do care about you. I don't think anyone else could have opened my heart. I was ready to go the rest of my life alone. If it weren't for you, I would never have taken those final steps to move on. For being the catalyst I needed, I will always be thankful for you and care about you."

My heart stopped a moment before it started to thunder in my chest. Lana so rarely bared her soul to me. She dropped hints sometimes, said little things to make me believe she could love me. But too often she was closed off when things get too intimate or too real.

She had changed so much since I first spoke to her, yet somehow she was still the same. She was kind and generous. I picked up on that early. That she was so funny and witty was something that she was slow to reveal but was a joy to watch. Watching her start to open her soul to me was beautiful. To see her courage and strength as she pushed through her grief was inspiring. That she saw enough in me to want to go through all she went through was humbling.

I loved her. I was desperate to tell her. I almost told her so many times. But my fear kept me from saying it. I didn't want to scare her off. I knew now she has to set the pace. She will be ready when she's ready and I will be there when she is.

Lana kissed me, and my body lit up. Her lips were like a match igniting a fire that travelled through my whole body. I instantly grew hard and needed her. I kissed her back, my tongue licking at her lips, urging her to open for me. When she did, I was lost, and all control left me. I needed to be in her.

My tongue entered her mouth, and her taste reminded me of apples and honey. She tasted so sweet to me. I wanted to taste her everywhere. I rolled her onto her back, reminding myself not to throw her around too roughly. She could take a lot of punishment, but I was still careful.

I sought Lana with my hands, pulling off the underwear that separated me from her. I put my hand between her legs, and my fingers parted her. I groaned when I felt how wet she was already, and I had to taste her. I moved between her legs as she opened them wide for me.

I put two fingers inside her, and my cock ached. "You're so warm, Lana," I told her, and she moaned, arching her back, her hips moving as I fucked her with my fingers. She was so responsive to my touch, and I loved watching her every movement. Her body moved in the most spectacular ways, writhing and seeking her pleasure.

I couldn't wait any longer for a taste, so leaving my fingers inside her, I let my tongue find her clit. When her taste hit my tongue, I hummed with delight. Lana's fingers slid into my hair as she pushed me into her and her hips rocked as she grinds herself on my tongue. God, she was so sexy. I wanted to stay here forever, watching her and listening to her moan. I ran my hand up her hips to her tiny waist. Feeling her hips under her soft skin was so erotic. I needed to fuck her, but she needed this first.

Lana started panting, her moans became short cries as she exhaled and I knew she didn't have long. I felt her walls close in on my fingers as she started to cry out my name, begging me not to stop. As if I would deny her this. As if I would deny her anything.

When Lana came, she was beautiful. Her eyes closed hard, her body convulsed, and her thighs trembled. Then she did this thing where she throws her head forward, and her body almost curls into a ball, and I know she's finished. Even when she's standing up she does it, I almost dropped her the first time. It's the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen.

I lapped at her one more time, taking one last taste. She shuddered and tried to close her legs, giggling. She smiled at me, and my heart melted, but my cock was in pain. I needed to have her.

I kissed her, and she licked at me, tasting herself. She drives me wild when she does that. I felt like an animal, my careful control was gone, and I pushed my cock into her. She was so wet and tight, her body moulded around my cock, taking me all in, holding me so tight I almost came.

"Fuck," I swore into her mouth. Lana bit at my lip, playful, but I knew what that meant. She wanted me, and she didn't want me to be gentle.

I wasn't gentle. There was no way I could be. She had me too worked up, and all I wanted was to own her and claim her as mine forever. I started to thrust into her, her tits bouncing as she takes all I give her. Her lips were parted, and her cheeks were red. Her hair looked like a halo of fire on the sheets. Its vibrance thrilled me. I pushed my self off her and watched as my cock pumped into her. Seeing her stretched around me, I felt my orgasm rise again. Not yet. I wasn't done with her yet. I slowed down.

"Liam," She whispered my name, and there was no stopping it. My body took on a mind of its own, driving itself to release. She cried my name again as I felt my seed rise into me, and ecstasy flowed through me as it pumped into her.

I fell on my side next to Lana and took deep breaths. She gave a hum of contentment and I pulled her into me, hugging her tightly and I felt the surge of love again. She was so beautiful and sweet but so fucking sexy. She made me feel drunk. Even moments after orgasming, I wanted her again. I put my face into her hair, smelling her sweet pomegranate shampoo. Lana hugged me back as she played with my chest hair, and I smiled, she loved to touch me there, and it felt so good when she did.

My mind wandered as she caressed me with her pretty little hands and pink fingernails. The first time she had touched my chest, she had seemed so hesitant and unsure, even looking at me for permission. It had been such a turn-on.

It had been so hard not to fuck her that first night. I did try and seduce her. I knew what effect I had on women. It's hard not to know when you're famous and have women hitting on you all the time. I think I could have, there were a few times there where if I had played my cards right she would have let me. But knowing what I know now, I'm happy I didn't. I'm sure she would have run, and I would never have seen her again.

When she did let me, she had knocked me for six when she bit me. It was almost out of nowhere, and the way she opened up to me after about her desires was amazing. We still had so much to explore, only just getting to know each other sexually. I could tell she was getting more comfortable with it. She was probably going to teach me a thing or two. That thing she did with the condom, I think I almost told her I loved her then. I chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?" Lana asked. Her accent made it sound like she said, "whadcha laughn at?" I don't know why, but her accent excited me, especially when she swore at me. Her mouth was filthy. Maybe it was the combination of her outward elegance and her potty mouth that I liked. It was such an exciting combination.

"Nothing, Sweetheart." I kissed her long neck gently and held her. She seemed to accept it and squeezed me into her.

"I love you, Lana," I said, and my heart stopped. She froze. I don't even think she was breathing. My blood was like ice as my heart started to beat again. Oh, God, I fucked up. I'm going to lose her this time. I wanted to take it back. I was such a fool. Fuck.

Then Lana found my mouth and kissed me. The warmth that spread through my body was such a relief. Her kiss held such sweetness and passion. It was the promise that I needed. She wasn't mad. She wasn't going to run away. I held her close and kissed her back. She didn't have to say it for me to know that she loved me too.

End.

[khaleesiofalicante]

All of this is crap, feel free to delete , please !!

_

I have been feeling low, for almost 7 months now, past few month have been very overwhelming for me. I don't know what phase is this but it is getting bit much to handle.

I didn't had much things that gave me happiness but now those things have stopped making me feel good, like I love(d) chocolates , every fibre of my body crave(d) for it and whenever I ate one I used to feel content, it was my comfort food (?) but recently it doesnot make me feel like that anymore. And this same happened with few other things , I found myself thinking about it and this made me sad. I don't know what it means and I don't think I even want to but this sometimes scares me , i don't know why but it does.

There are certain things that i never knew i paid attention to and even remembered that were said to me . I didn't knew recalling them would hurt me even tho they didn't affected me the time they were said or maybe the case is they did but i just repressed the thoughts and feelings. Maybe hearing same things time to time took a permanent place in my brain that can never be abandoned, then the recurring process of flash of memories from beginning to end make it worse.

I 've been from a long time being told to look after my weight and skin. Everytime I meet some close relative even before having a proper greet the first thing I am made aware about is either my weight or how the acne on my face is looking. Like now it has become so normal that everytime someone comments I just say ,"its been happening for a long time" and they too know about it. I do get affected by them saying things but what affects me most is when this thing is pointed out by my family . Yesterday i was laying on bed and my mother came into room and looked at me and said in the best nicest possible way that "why one day your face seems clear and why next day there are so many pimples and spots and whatever". My dad always points this out by saying that please take care of your skin/face i want my daughter to look the most beautiful. I know they want best for me but they 've been saying this for almost half the years of my life i've lived so far ( i am almost 20)  . Still i wait for that day when they'll say you are perfect the way you are , you don't need to change. But I know it won't happen ever. Only if they knew how much it hurts everytime someone points it out, how much I curse my existence at that very moment, how much insecure and worthless and inferior I feel within seconds of time, how much urge I feel to just run away from all this. I know they want good for me but why they feel that being flawless is good. It hurts , sometimes too much.

I have never been one of those who could express things easily , I find it too damn hard to say what I want what i feel .Though I try sometimes but not too hard just a bit because whenever and to whomsoever I tried to even show bare minimum of something either its been talked over or the other person is not able to understand or the other person can't do anything except nod in agreement or I start to feel so anxious that I myself drift away from topic or ...... And I don't blame anyone for this , how can I when I am the one who doesn't try, I just can't.  I don't know what keeps me from saying things outloud but something does.

*deep sigh* :/

-

THANK YOU for reading and SORRY for wasting your time.

Hello, my love.

Thank you for sharing this with me.

I just want to start with something simple - I'm ready to beat the shit out of people who have been ignorant and unkind towards you. So, just keep that in mind.

Alright now.

You remind me a little of Alec, you know? You say you can't express things easily and here you are coherently and patiently explaining something that is troubling you. I see you, little Alec!

If you are having trouble talking to those around you, that's okay. Sometimes it's not that we don't know how to say things, but we get more worried about what would happen if those words leave our mouth. So, we don't talk. We pretend like we don't know how to. Or we tell ourselves that we don't have to. You talk when you feel like it. You express your feelings when you feel ready. There is no rush.

Acne doesn't make a person not beautiful. Gaining weight doesn't make someone not pretty. The funny thing it is very common for women to experience both - especially when they are stressed. So, if someone is making you feel bad about experiencing something like acne and putting on weight, then they are just stupid. They don't understand biology.

A side note that acne and weight gain (along with some other symptoms) are often connected to hormonal imbalances. This is why we notice girls feeling bloated or having pimples when they get their period. It's natural. It's science. There are many women who experience conditions such as POCS which leads to such symptoms too. If there is a medical issue, taking medication does help. If this is something you want to learn more about and understand better, I'm happy to take you through it since it's something I focus on at work.

Every time you remember something someone said about you that wasn't kind just tell yourself their opinion doesn't matter. Because that's all it is. It's just an opinion - one that you didn't even ask for.

As for the chocolate....Sometimes chocolate can increase acne and as we know sweets can contribute to weight gain. Perhaps one of the reasons you don't want to eat it anymore is because somewhere in your mind you believe that you shouldn't eat it anymore.

But fuck that. If it is something that makes you happy, then you are allowed to enjoy it. It's alright if you can't get back to enjoying chocolate right now. You can get there slowly. Until that, find yourself another comfort good. There is so much yummy stuff out there.

Just remember that you are so much more than what other people tell you - cause they don't see everything. They only see what they want to see. They see what they think is important. That is not who you are. Never let them tell you who you are.

Unless it's a doctor, no one is allowed to tell you what you should eat. Unless it's Magnus Bane, no one is allowed to tell you what you should look like or what you should do with your life.

If your parents don't appreciate you for who you are, that says more about them than it does about you. it's something they need to work on. You will find things to be happy about again. You will find things that will make you feel good. We can start trying by diverting your attention a little towards those and less towards those judgemental relatives (who once again I am happy to beat up <3 )

Start small. You could consider doing one thing - just one tiny thing - that makes you feel good every day. Just one thing. And we'll take it from there.

Also, you say you are not trying. You don't want to try. But here you are talking to me about how you feel. You are trying. And I think that's fucking amazing.

You know what I realised after the pandemic? Life is really too fucking short and unpredictable. So, letting judgmental adults and some acne determine who we are and how we should feel is a little scary. Fuck the relatives. Fuck the acne.

You do you.

All my love,

Dani x.

[kuronanox]

Insecure Love - Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez (AU-NSFW)

She was his prisoner and the toxicity surrounding their relationship put a strain on her mental health. No matter how much she wanted to leave him Grimmjow wouldn't allow it.

He got angry and would scream and break objects in the house scaring her to death and she knew he could have easily hurt her if he wanted to.

Sobbing as she hugged herself on her knees she threw her phone across the wall and screamed out of frustration. "I hate you!"

She knew she should have listen to her friends and family years ago when they told her Grimmjow was bad news, but her young and immature mind felt different.

It's been difficult as she had to pay off student loans and provide for the both of them and half the time she didn't know where he was anymore.

They both were intoxicated about each other no matter how bad things got in their relationship no one ever left, but they left scars towards each other.

Grimmjow happened to come home when he heard her yell in the bedroom, he wanted to fix their strained relationship by bringing good news to her for once. He was hired as a personal body guard to one of Japan most wealthiest celebrities.

"I hate him so much." She says picking up her phone and slamming the bathroom door to freshen up for the night.

He was conflicted if he was going to throw a tantrum and get angry or leave it be for the night, but he wanted to fix things so he chose to ignore her statement and pretend he didn't hear nothing.

(Your Name) was paying all the bills for the last few months after Grimmjow got fired from his last job for beating the shit out of someone, the dude had to be hospitalized.

"Hey." He says roughly as she opened the bathroom door surprised to see him home early.

"You're home early?"

"Tch. I live here too."

"Yeah well whose paying the bills right now? At least let me know where you go half the time." She bit back at him and plopped onto the bed leaning on her elbow.

"Don't start this shit right now." He says pulling his shirt off to get ready for a shower.

"Whatever."

That night after hearing the good news of Grimmjow getting a job again they didn't sleep much. There was a lot of cries and moans rather then words of encouragement.

(Your Name) wanted to be a normal couple for once but she was already broken she didn't know how to express her emotions anymore.

As he fell asleep she laid awake besides him under protection of his arms. The negative thoughts crept in her mind.

He was going to be a body guard to rich celebrities and it lower her self esteem.

It wouldn't surprise her if she found him in bed with one of them; after all she's caught him with other women a few times.

She scoffed why were they like this? They acted like children but they were already in their late 20s acting like high school kids in a relationship.

"Can't sleep?" He asks her with his eyes still closed.

"I'm okay."

"Stop I know something is wrong. You didn't even tell me congrats about my new job... you just kissed me and we had sex."

(Your Name) shivered at his touch because he was rubbing her arms lightly as if he was trying to comfort her discomfort. She was a little weird out by his actions the whole night. He was rarely ever gentle.

"I wanna talk about us." She tells him as he sighs and sits up from the bed and picks her up so she was sitting between his legs.

"Go on."

"Well I've been thinking. I'm almost 30 and we've been together since college isn't it childish to keep hurting each other like this?"

"Are you indicating we should break up?!" Grimmjow slightly raises his voice loosing his cool temper for a second.

"That's not what I'm saying... I just have a professional job at the hospital and well you have that job...it's just that what is our future together?"

Grimmjow doesn't say anything but stares at her, he hasn't thought much about the future but he knew she was going to be in his.

"Don't know." He answers bluntly as he could see in her eyes that she was a bit hurt by his answer. "You are my future."

She just shakes her head and moves away from him disappointed that was his answer to her after so many years together.

She was always called in random times at the hospital and Grimmjow was always traveling or not home because of work, but after the night she talked to him about their future together he reconsider everything he had done in the past.

He couldn't lose her as much as he already has. Grimmjow was slowly making things right for them. He started by coming home every night he didn't have to be away and letting her know where he was when he went out.

Grimmjow even made the effort to clean and cook the house when she came home late from the hospital.

"I just feel like the way he is acting now is temporary and we will go back to our old ways." (Your Name) tells Rangiku as they sat for afternoon brunch one day.

"Well, has he ever done any of these things before? Like cook and clean and even letting you know where he is?"

"No not really this is the first time."

Rangiku mixes her drink and takes a sip before speaking.

"Give it time, I think if he's willing to try new things to keep the relationship alive you should trust him a bit more."

"I guess so, it wouldn't be fair not to." (Your Name) agrees and sadly smile down to the table. "I guess I'm always the one doubting us."

"Good morning." Grimmjow says looking down at (Your Name) with a lopsided smile.

"Oh god he's morning voice is so hot."

(Your Name) sits up from bed and rubs her eyes, they were both naked in the covers. She didn't want to leave the warmth that they both radiantly pulled off so she fell back onto him and cuddled some more.

If she remember clearly Grimmjow took her out on a date as they went clubbing to dance for a bit and she got a little bit to lit. Which ended them both in bed for a good time.

"Did you have fun last night?" He asks her as she nodded slowly only remembering a few clips in the back of her head.

She remembered how Grimmjow unforgivingly pounded into her as his thrust were fast and steady. The way his rough hands held her down and explored every part of her body.

Grimmjow pulling her ass in the air and giving both of them a loud smack before abusing her aching pussy drenched from over stimulation. As she cried out telling him not to stop. The way his tongue fucked her as he sucked and gave long stroke on her clit.

She remembered how they hungrily kissed each other as their tongue explored every inch and how he seductively sucked her bottom lip leaving them plumped and bruised.

"I remember a lot actually." She tells him as his face lit up. Which tells her Grimmjow was definitely into last night heated session.

"Good, things have been great between us." He says as she traced his abs and slowly going to his lower abdomen making him shiver a bit.

"Just thinking about last night turned me on again." She admits feeling the dampened underwear she wore.

"Oh? I'm always down for another round."

Sitting between his legs she pulled his under garments away and threw it across the room impatiently. Grabbing his erected member softly she pumped it a few times and kissed the tip of it. He shuttered and groaned because she was going so slow but all he wanted to do was to fuck her pretty little mouth.

"Jeez baby if you keep teasing me I won't forgive you."

"Shh." She tells him and slowly puts her mouth around his member. Bobbing her head she looked up to him with lustful eyes. His mouth parted a bit as she moaned, the vibration added to the pleasure he was getting.

Grabbing her head he thrusted into her mouth gently as he hit the back of her throat.

Holding his thigh for support she pulled away and gave him long teasing licks around his erected member as she stroke and swallowed it whole again hollowing her cheeks as Grimmjow groaned in response.

Feeling herself getting impatient she slipped one hand to massage her aching core.

"Someone is rather impatient today." He says and pulled her up to face him as they joined lips again giving her a passionate lusty kiss.

Moving to her collarbones and to her breast he swirled her nipples like they were lollipops with his mouth sucking on them as he grabbed her ass and gave it a loud smack.

Releasing his mouth he laid her down and crawled on top, before entering himself he kissed her gently and brought one of her legs up trailing it with kisses.

Grimmjow stroked himself a bit before entering slowly into her drench and aching core. She bit her lip and arched her back, they felt whole again.

(Your Name) couldn't describe the feeling but it was pure bliss and heaven as he thrusted into her faster as he brought his hand and rubbed her clit. She moaned in pleasure and brought Grimmjow closer to her as she wrapped her legs around him. His balls hitting her ass as he kissed her drove her on edge as she moaned into his mouth.

Flipping her on all fours he pounded into her holding her hands behind her back she relied on Grimmjow so she wouldn't fall face down.

Grimmjow was started to get sloppy knowing he was going to cum soon, looking at the mirror he could see her face crying in pleasure and the way her breast swinging back and fourth drove him on edge as he groaned lightly.

Letting her hands go as she fell onto the comfy mattress he grabbed her hip and pounded into her unmercifully he breathlessly said "I'm about to cum."

"It's okay you can cum in me." She says as he leaned down and bit her shoulder and shot his hot seeds into her.

A few months pasted by and their relationship couldn't be any better. They hadn't fought in a long time. They were both happy together even though they had opposite schedules from each other they both tried their hardest to make time for each other.

"I'm leaving to America for a week." Grimmjow says to her one night as they ate dinner together on the couch.

"Okay, whatever your work tells you to do. I'm fine with that."

"Good, just letting you know. I've been getting quite the attention recently." He smirks running his hand through his hair.

(Your Name) knew her boyfriend was extremely good looking and that many women wanted him but after getting a job as a personal body guard with the hottest celebrities in Japan it lowered her self esteem. Although she didn't let it get to her because of how happy they were together it still bothered her.

"I know. I didn't think you were going to get that much attention."

Grimmjow shrugs and pulls her onto his lap. "Why you jealous?"

"Fuck no. You're ugly anyways."

He laughs as his phone rang showing a unknown number to her. Raising her eyebrow she gives him a look. "Aren't you going to answer it?"

"Nah just some annoying fan I'm guessing."

Although she wanted to believe Grimmjow she knew it was to good to be true that they were this happy. She knew Grimmjow was still suspicious.

"Okay then."

After taking his leave to America she saw the celebrity he was going with. She was Japan hottest actress at the moment. (Your Name) didn't want to feel down, but she was getting extremely insecure.

The actress was tall and beautiful, with slick black hair and the most expensive outfits that made her look even more high and mighty.

Before Grimmjow left the actress gave (Your Name) a look up and down and smirked entering her private jet.

"Fuck that bitch." (Your Name) said as she watched Grimmjow leave. "He's still mine."

She didn't hear much from Grimmjow that week because of the time difference and he claimed that he was super busy.

Grimmjow was starting to get his own small fan base in japan and it annoyed her because she felt like he was going to forget her slowly for fame.

When he got back from America everything was the same except she fought condoms in his luggage.

Grabbing them from his suit case she threw the whole case at him. "What the fuck Grimmjow? If you wanted to fuck another bitch at least be more secretive about it!" She yelled as he caught it.

"Woah it's not what you think!" He explains to her as she grabbed her own bags and started to pack.

"I can't do this no more, we can't with this relationship anymore. I'm almost 30 and I'm living a life of a newly college student. I want to advance my future! I want to get married and have kids! If I stay with you any longer I won't be able to love myself."

Grimmjow ran his hands through his hair and followed her in the bedroom. "I didn't do anything with her! I bought those in America for us." He tells her as she looked down and sighed.

(Your Name) wanted to believe him but from past experiences she was scared.

"I want to believe you but I'm scared." She tells him. Grimmjow pulls her close to him and makes her look at his face.

"(Your Name) I promise you I didn't do anything. I'm sorry I make you feel so low and insecure. I want to change that. Just because I work for those famous people doesn't mean I don't think you look just as good. You are the most fucking beautiful person I've ever met and been with. I don't want you to leave, I need you."

Wiping the tears from her face she held his face and traced his face with her thumbs.

"It's just hurts, it hurts to much. It hurts to know that you haven't thought about our future together. I can't let go of the past, your actions from before has caused me to be so cautious about everything you do. That isn't healthy!"

She screams at him as he felt his heart hurt from the way she told him her feelings she had been hiding the whole time.

"Please don't leave, I've been making things right for us. Why can't you believe me for once!" He argued back holding her shoulders tightly afraid to let her go.

That night she spend it in his arms crying.

Grimmjow stayed up till she was okay and comforted her.

Every word he told her weren't lies, he really couldn't see anyone else putting up with his shit besides her. He needed her to keep him sane.

"I'm sorry (Your Name)." He kissed her softly on the head as she snored below him fast asleep now.

Stirring in her sleep she held him tighter, his heart soften from this.

Grimmjow was a tough cookie and he was rarely nice, gentle and compassionate. Over the years he developed those traits being with (Your Name). Because of her he had many opportunities that came into his life and she helped him when he was at his lowest even though it hurt her along the way.

Grimmjow was blinded but slowly saw that (Your Name) will always be there for him no matter how much she says she wants to leave him.

He was ready for the future now, he let go of his past self and was working on his personal growth and goals.

Right now the bills are fine, they both have a stable job and their relationship was fixing slowly, he wouldn't have it any other way. Beside no relationship is perfect and he understood that they will always have their ups and down no matter how much they tried.

"Sleep peacefully (Your Name) I'll be here in the morning." Grimmjow says tiredly giving her one last kiss on the temple before drifting off to sleep.

[retphienix]

Alright, this is gonna be tough because I desperately want to say so much for the game's sake and my own, but it's just so much.

At least the playthrough as a whole exists to show a lot of those things, and there's no shame in some of the impacts the game had for myself going unsaid :)

LONG POST INCOMING, NO 'READ MORE' BECAUSE IT'S RELEVANT TO THE POST AND NOT AN AFTER-THOUGHT

CLICK 'J' ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO SKIP. (Sorry mobile users)

8:48 - Do you have any idea how good a step forward it felt to smash the repressing bulb?

9:50 - So I'll get ahead of myself because this fight shows a lot of the visuals that play into this: Something being the manifestation of guilt for Mari is so incredibly visualized.

Between the base 'Something' being extremely close to the shadow she cast and including the one visible eye that bore down on Sunny and Basil after the hanging, to the stairs incorporating into the design.

The seaweed and spider are more general anxieties though they do circle back to Mari since she saved Sunny, but those two forms don't feel as directly related as the stairs (heights) and base 'Something' forms and what they represent for his repressed guilt.

Could be wrong ;) Tell me what you saw in the forms of 'Something' if you'd like to expand on them :)

12:39 - Just to prove the point before you get to fully see the truth- Something morphs into the figure of Mari hanging. It doesn't fully demonstrate the "eye" aspect yet, but still I just wanted to say kudos on the way 'Something' is shown visually. Formless for a reason, and that form becomes more defined as you understand what it is, exceptional damn thing.

15:43 - Basil's part in all of this makes me so damn sad. Plenty to say later (obviously), but he harbors so much guilt, wants forgiveness so much, and is so (not shown yet) desperate to believe in Sunny's innocence while knowing but not comprehending the truth. The fact he harbors his own 'Something' due to the guilt of all this is heartbreaking, these kids endured a hell no one should. Losing someone so important to you and harboring the guilt and fault of it when nothing of the sort was intended. A childish fight with raised emotions got out of hand and all this came of it.

Hell.

16:30 - I absolutely adore how the photo album is used for this reveal.

Absolutely incredible execution that's specific to this story and its characters and makes piecing (literally) this together tense and grim.

22:27 - I NEVER SPOKE TO OR INTERACTED WITH THE THING IN THE CENTER OF THIS ROOM AND I'M A NORMAL AMOUNT OF UPSET ABOUT THAT >:( lol

29:41 - Okay.

So this reveal as a whole is so unbelievably well paced and incredibly hard hitting.

All game long there's a weight of having lost Mari. Repeatedly it's told that she killed herself and no one can understand why and everyone (MYSELF THE PLAYER INCLUDED) is looking for meaning in little moments, seeking out hints that maybe she was suffering or depressed or this or that.

And while that has gone on FOR THE ENTIRE GAME there has also been this uneasy weight surrounding Sunny/Omori. Visions of Mari twisted and deformed into phantoms of horror.

For the most part I assumed it was just him coping with having lost his sister and maybe a dialogue on how when she was alive he was in her shadow (in his mind) and now that she's gone he remains there?

That was the best I could figure, more or less. But it continued to seem more and more malicious in design and MUCH more 'heavy' in how it's presented as a shadow behind Omori/Sunny throughout his adventure and life.

The weight and 'overshadowed' looks of the scenes felt more and more foreboding and less like a simpler "I'm living in her shadow" story, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then these pictures come out and piece things together.

The final result:

Sunny and Mari fighting. (Context appears to be his growing disdain towards playing. It's stated he loved playing, but it's also shown that he begins to dislike how much Mari is dragged away for classes and the like up to and including playing. So my read was that Sunny was upset that their fleeting time together was dedicated to the recital and broke his violin in an emotional blur and the fight occurred.

Alternatively it was accidentally broken and both of their emotions were running high as it happened)

Mari falling to her death.

Sunny and Basil carrying her upstairs and tending to her.

Sunny breaking down as it sinks in.

The visions having Basil say "It's going to be okay" by the bedside. (I perceive that as a memory of what Basil was saying as he tried to manage his emotions during the event)

Sunny and Basil carrying her back downstairs and to the backyard.

The makeshift noose.

And finally the sight that burned itself into Sunny's eyes of her hanging after it was all said and done.

Just holy shit to it all in how it's revealed and handled.

Stories have twists all the time, and I ain't gonna make some bold claim like "Most unpredictable!" "Best twist!" "What a twist!" or whatever, though that'd be funny.

I just want to say this twist worked BEFORE the reveal as a foreboding sense of unease and curiosity- it lent itself to intentionally vague and easily misconstrued explanations, basically- instead of it outright misleading you beyond the characters that believe the lie repeating the lie, it allowed you to mislead yourself.

It did the twist the right way! And well! YOU trick YOURSELF! The people repeating the lie are being lied to or have motivation to repeat the lie! The GAME isn't lying (as so many twists handle it) the game is giving the world reason to mislead and allowing you to be mislead!

Now am I yelling affirmations for the way things SHOULD ALWAYS BE! YES! BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT AS NORMAL AS IT SHOULD BE! lol

31:40 - All the "You will really miss them"s hurt :(

33:25 - Right out the gate, a spoiler for what isn't here:

I looked up the alternate endings of the neutral route and my heart hurts to know Sunny doesn't stick around and Basil dies :(

34:00 - BASIL BEING OVERWHELMED WITH DENIAL AND GUILT AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MENTALLY PROTECT HIS VIEW OF WHO HIS FRIEND IS BY INVENTING A SECOND PARTY THAT DID THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL AND AMAZINGLY DONE.

And it explains the name behind the 'Something'.

'Something' behind you did it. There's 'Something' behind you, isn't there.

'Something' all around us, that potentially being the truth comin' in.

When 'Something' ruined my photos, Basil repressing protecting Sunny by destroying the proof.

Just expertly done.

'Something' being repression of the memory and impending guilt. Dannnng.

36:26 - It's 24 hours after I beat the game as I type all this so here's a gag.

Here's the part where Basil beats some sense into his friend, because after this Sunny gets knocked out and wakes up 200% improved and ready to save Basil from his own guilt by releasing them both from the secret.

So basically Kel dragged us out of bed, then a couple days later Basil beats us up, and that's how Sunny gets better :^) Game Over.

38:46 - This fight made me feel utterly terrible, a highlight being the energy bar saying "Everything is going to be okay".

or at 40:17 - when Basil pokes out Sunny's eye and the screen does this? That's an underutilized but always awesome visual.

41:12 - I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AT THIS POINT :)

Because just before entering Basil's home on this night you see his Grandma's ghost here. So seeing Sunny here told me "WELL. YOU FUCKED UP!"

42:25 - Like I said, beat some sense into Sunny.

Here's the mental side of things where Basil's beatin' told Sunny to go remember the good times and confront his inner self and I'm being partially facetious because there's plenty to say about what's coming up.

43:15 - Goosebumps every time due to the sincerity and hope of this.

43:40 - Hug for anyone needing that.

51:11 - I could cry again and I just might before this post is done being put together.

This accident was never meant to be.

55:09 - Timestamp is arbitrary, I won't go over every flashback but I do want to say what a beautiful way to use these photos. To relive the memories? To find the strength to overcome and all that? After all these years of suppressing memories? DANNNG I love this game.

1:04:09 - I stepped in poop.

1:04:15 - Barefooted.

1:04:22 - I embraced my failure.

1:12:00 - The violin.

1:13:00 - "The anxious feeling-" "They believed in you" "No matter what you didn't want to disappoint them" I'm filled with love and gonna cry about it.

1:14:00 - So an important theme in the game, as if it has just one, is Sunny suppressing emotions and demonizing himself.

Obviously the ending shows him breaking free from both but I think it's important as hell to look at how he builds up to being able to.

After all the dark moments show him as a bloodied monster, demonstrate a perceived lack of remorse for what he's done (as in he sees himself so poorly that he says "I must not have felt bad about it, I'm a monster", not that he actually doesn't feel bad about it, that he thinks he shouldn't because he's bad), have him stab dream Basil to protect his repression of the memory, the build up to breaking free from that is him remembering the good in him through the lens of his friends.

Both in the real world and in revisiting the memories within the photos.

He hears about the good in himself that he has pretended isn't there and finds the power to overcome this deadened shell he's made.

He learns how to forgive himself by finally remembering he's worthy of forgiveness and is more than his mistake, that even the person he grievously harmed would want him to forgive himself and would understand the mistake didn't define him.

1:15:15 - Just because you did something bad doesn't make you bad, to put it more eloquently than my rambles. He had to learn that.

1:19:20 - I've done this fight 4 times.

You may be wondering why 4 times, it ain't like I replayed the game a ton or anything.

The short of it is:

1) For the good ending :)

2) To see what happens if you go "up" in the hospital- it's a dead end- I assumed it'd be a bad ending. So I got the good ending again :)

3) For the bad ending.

4) FOR THE GOOD ENDING TO WIPE THE HORRIBLE FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AWAY FROM THE BAD ENDING :)

In doing so I did get one layer deeper on the BG of Omori in the fight, here it is:

And I learned on the fourth run that the fight is simpler than I gave it credit lol, Cherish refills your juice, so there is no reason to use Encore. You can get to the end (and deeper more easily) by just using the triple attack and Cherish and Calm down when necessary.

1:29:00 - A summary of the fight is that it's extremely impactful emotionally, but very obviously isn't a "Fun fight". It's great mechanically and story wise for what it's trying to do :)

I'll just say it here: I'm surprised there wasn't an end-game "Omori" fight, you know, in dream world? Because combat is SO good in this. I am lead to believe that the Omori route where you never go outside in the real world has more bosses and zones and would fill what I just implied I wanted- but you're also railroaded into the Neutral endings which are both sad :(

And honestly? That makes sense and I applaud the decision :) Embracing the fantasy world for more 'fights' isn't exactly the path to recovery. Also and I know someone will be bothered I say this because *I'm* bothered I'm saying this- it makes sense since a big predecessor did the same thing lol.

Undertale Genocide has new bosses and a harder end game challenge (Sans) while being the worse ending, while the good ending has a flashy and story/emotionally impactful final fight that isn't as challenging because challenge isn't the point of the morals being explored.

I just bring it up because it's interesting, has a parallel, and after fighting Omori 4 times I really REALLY wanted to do an end-game fight in Dream World.

1:30:00 - forgive me as I cry again. goosebumps and more.

OH NO~!

DRAT!

So I use a cheap video editor and I use the free format of it which limits to 720p and I didn't think twice of it.

I recorded at max, but downgraded after editing.

At 720p you can't see the detail that made me break down crying!

At 1:31:55 Sunny's eyes go wider as he sees Mari as they finally get to experience the duet in this dream state (White Egret Orchid, this is real and happening, I'm taking this to my grave :'( ) he sees her smile and that smile made me break down, but in the 720 it's blurry :(

That's on me, I could have posted the scene raw in HQ but I didn't know it'd compress just enough to be invisible :(

still. that duet scene can make me cry on command. just because of that alone, but also the entire thing.

1:33:42 - Sunny breaks from his shell and feels his emotions again.

1:37:07 - I wish every game would end with a mirror to see yourself.

The 'Despite everything, it's still you' vibe just cements all the growth and experiences that have happened as so much more real when that happens. Bonus points because mirrors in Omori are a time bomb where you can be reminded of the guilt following you- and this one is safe. This one is pure and clean. You did it.

1:37:50 - As I said earlier, going up does nothing. Dead end.

1:39:00 - I have to tell you something.

Simple ending. And yet slams me like two trucks. I'm so proud.

1:41:00 - Post credits scene.

This is so heartwarming and their smiles are the purest thing in the entire world.

1:42:50 - BAD ENDING RECORDING.

All I'll say on that is the bad ending made me feel terrible inside. Give up, live in your bubble, and subconsciously end it all so you never have to confront reality again.

My gut felt heavy to be honest.

And the fact that THAT is when Bo En Time is played is INCREDIBLE.

Having the sky shift like that gave goosebumps and cemented my dread.

Just seeing it now has me feeling very poorly.

Okay. Video done.

Now for general thoughts.

First off this White Space cycle has been going on for YEARS with Sunny only getting worse as he suppresses things more and more and the reason he found the strength to overcome is because of his friends and I'm gonna yell about it.

THE REASON SUNNY IS BREAKING FREE CAN BE DIRECTLY POINTED AT KEL THINKING "FUCK IT, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE A FRIEND, AND I DON'T WANT TO"

And I just think that is sweet as hell. The strength was inside himself, but the problem itself caused Sunny to demonize and not trust himself- he needed someone to break him free and help convince him that he's not irredeemable. And boom.

The way this game handles Denial and even gives it physical form with the 'Something's that both Sunny and Basil harbor is just awesome.

I touched on it but combat in Omori is very, very good.

I've said it here and there as I played and I feel like going at length in the finale post is pointless because this isn't a review but to put it concisely.

Types changing mid-combat, the character archetypes being so well defined, the follow up system, combat in Omori is some top notch turn based RPG stuff.

Like up there with the greats, the timeless masterpieces. This is GOOD fighting. So it was surprising the good ending didn't emphasize it- I explained why that makes sense, but even still! It'd probably be lesser for it (as explained previously) but it's interesting they practiced that restraint for the message they wanted to send.

Repeatin' that Mari's smile in the recital made me cry. Burned in my brain.

I'm still surprised I got the post credits scene because I DID water the plants a lot but when the game showed me them all dead I assumed that was the fail condition.

I genuinely do want to try the Omori route some time down the road. I hope I get around to it.

I am slightly dissuaded just because the Omori route only gets the neutral endings which are not Good To Be Blunt :(

But I want to see what dream content there is and I hear there are other bosses!

Other small bits from my notes:

Replacing denial (the black bulb) with hope (the white bulb) was good as heck.

The imagery of the 'Something' is so top notch- using the shadow of her body combined with the piercing gaze of her single eye- MY GOD.

The fragility of life being so present- between memories of near death experiences, to the way in which Mari dies, to the ease at which either Basil or Sunny can end the game. It's tense and heart-wrenching.

The way the 'Something' behind Sunny almost always shadows over him like an ever present weight.

Tearful, hopeful, pure, kids enduring a guilt metric tons heavier than their bodies could ever handle and finally, finally moving beyond it.

I said more in a personal post, and I'll reblog that.

Honestly, just timestamping through the video took it out of me and got the point across.

Omori is a wonderful game.

It's definitely a favorite for me, high up there on my list.

Between the themes, the gameplay, the humor, the ending.

This is a good one.

And now I get to end having experienced all the care and love in this title, that's such a sweet thing.

Now I know this finale post is a mess, illegible even. I have gotten sloppier as I've begun embracing just 'experiencing and rambling' and perhaps my formatting with change yet again until I find something more easily shared.

Despite that. I want to thank any who popped in on this playthrough.

This was a good one, a highlight of the blog for sure- and I'm always happy when I see some people enjoying the absolute mess I toss online when I do one of these :P

So thank you for your time, and thank you to any ridiculous enough to read my nonsense here.

Have a good one :)

And just as expected I feel I've said nothing and barely touched the surface as the post-game-head of mine does a poor job lol. Even still :P

[tyongpoetry]

I haven't been able to write lately, so I made this! Leave your requests anytime!

angst/ fluff/ crack. please specify!

1. “Do I look like a bad guy to you?”

2. "I'm just saying someone could make a very lucrative business by offering to call and make appointments for me."

3. "I know I can live without being in a relationship. I've been doing it for years. But that doesn't stop me from wanting one."

4. "Happy Birthday!" "Oh, wow! You're only several months off!"

5. "Your heart's too big for your body."

6. "That sounds like a you problem, so no."

7. "I haven't felt this betrayed since I found out that the cupcakes you kept making me were made with zucchini."

8. “You’re not welcome here!''

9. “Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

10. "You look like you haven't slept."

11. "Stay with me."

12. "I would literally pay for you to shut up."

13. “Oh, oops.” “Pretty sure, accidentally shooting someone, calls for more than an oops.”

14. You're not as annoying as you used to be.

15. “....Aren’t you a little young, to be here?”

16. “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just wish you had kept yours to yourself.”

17. "I don’t know how to tell you this, but yelling at someone to stop panicking, isn’t going to stop them from panicking.”

18. “It’s not your fault. Sometimes you can do everything right, and things will still go wrong... This just happened to be one of those times."

19. “.....I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that.”

20. “None of this seems healthy.”

21. “....Should I be concerned?”

22. “I said pass it to me, not throw it in my general direction!"

23. "Your savior is here!" "Can you not say that every time you enter the room?"

24. “I. Don’t. Lose.”

25. “You can’t save all of them.”

26. “I’m not doing anything wrong.”

27. “Your city is in ruins and it’s all your fault.”

28. “Someone isn’t walking out of here today.”

29. “You must’ve forgotten that I always win.”

30. “Do you know who you are really working for?”

31. “I’m simply doing what needs to be done.”

32. “You’ll find that it’s difficult to keep power once you have it.”

33. “I don’t play God, I am God.

34. “I’d ask if you were ok, but the answer seems a little obvious.”

35. “I wish I could say that this is the first time, someone has stabbed me with a plastic spoon.”

36. “Freeze! Or the rubber ducky gets it!”

37. “You are indeed, a terrible person, but luckily for you, I have low standards.”

38. “Ok, which one of you fuckers, put bones in the dishwasher again?”

39. “Huh... There are a lot less corpses than I was expecting. Are you sure we’re in the right place?”

40. “I’ve never seen someone pick a fight with a stuffed animal, and lose, before.”

41. “How many times do I have to tell you? Non-toxic does Not mean edible!”

42. “It’s all fun and games until someone knocks out the designated driver.”

43. “Please stop nibbling on the guests.”

44. “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to ram this entire fucking thing down your throat, and you’ll be speaking like a squeaky toy for the rest of the night.”

45. "Marry me."

xoxo, aria ♡