#it's at least 8 mushrooms by now

[balkanradfem]

So, since the gardening season was unsuccessful, and really sad, I've been dreaming of starting new seeds. I've decided, this time, I'm going to plant so many tomatoes that nothing will be able to prevent the tomato harvest. It's gonna be all tomato garden, 40+ tomato plants, I'll build shelters for them in case of hail, weave nets, I'm ready, let's do this.

However, it's October, and there's precious little I can do in October to start plants; if I germinate anything right now, there won't be enough sun for it to grow, and it will pout and die </3. It happens every year when I stubbornly plant basil and it checks out the daylight levels and decides to nope out of that situation.

So, instead, what I'm doing, is still learning about mushrooms! I'm going to the forest regularly and collecting anything that could possibly be edible, and trying it out. I've been lucky to find so many edible boletes, I've been drying them in the summer and I have a great dried mushroom stash, which will prove very valuable during the winter.

Now there's a mushroom that grows when nothing else is really available, the latin name is 'Neoboletus luridiformis' and it looks like this:

Cool, right? A red bolete mushroom. She's called Scarletina Bolete. Looks poisonous. However, sources claim that this mushroom is edible, granted it's cooked first. I've been sheepish to try it because it's so red, and there are red boletes that are 100% poisonous, so this is just a health risk. You can check if the mushroom is this one because it stains blue and black when you cut it, and mine do. This is how it looks like cut:

I mean that does look extremely unappetizing but it says right there on wikipedia that it's edible:

hmm so anyway, I've finally decided to stop being a coward, and I cooked the mushroom and had some yesterday! It's still not been a full 24 hours, but I'm faring well for now. If this turns to be a good food source, I'll be set for the entire year because this baby grows at all times in the forest.

Another cool thing I'm trying out is acorn pancakes. I discovered some people on youtube who are making acorn flour and then baking pancakes out of it, and I've been curious about acorns before, but now I'm set with instructions and knowledge on how to process it. Acorns were used as a source of flour before wheat was in use, and it was pretty great, because they didn't need to cut down forests, or plow the fields, or turn bunch of soil to dust; people can just collect acorns because oak trees are everywhere here. The only issue is that the acorns are filled with tannins, which is a chemical that produces a very bitter taste, which makes them not very tasty. However, people have also figured out how to ''wash the tannins out', and there's a process of boiling and throwing water away, or leaving them buried next to a riverbank for a year, in order to get them to taste good.

I haven't yet decided what route I'm going to take, but I collected some acorns last time I was in the forest:

I have to admit they feel very good to hold in hand. They're so nicely brown, almost chestnut in color, they're shiny, pleasant oval shape, and very heavy. It felt like I was holding something valuable, rich. Since they're a wild food, I know they have more nutrients in them than anything we developed ourselves, wild food generally has 3 times more nutrition than anything growing in a human-made garden.

I've also stumbled on a few acorns that have sprouted roots! I've collected them as well, and put them in a soil-filled container on my balcony, let's see if I can grow an oak tree. That would feel extremely cool to grow.

I'm also collecting and curing walnuts (apparently you can make a walnut butter out of them I did not know that), conkers (for the laundry detergent, I love them), nettle (drying into powder, using as a calcium supplement) and I've also found some violets growing at this time, so I collected the leaves for tea; they're medicinal for colds, flus and fevers.

I'm going to the forest again tomorrow, and hopefully I'll write another update about fun things I've found and trying out! Stay safe and don't follow my lead to eat weird things, unless you research them yourself.

[ponyboi-69]

Life and the world are heavy. Here’s my cat who forgot her tongue.

Read tags to learn more 🙃

[image ID: a brown striped tabby cat is sitting obliviously with quarter of its tongue sticking out while looking past the camera /End ID]

[ms-demeanor]

Hey also you know that post about getting better at cooking and handling meat and stuff?

Meat is really expensive and it goes bad pretty quickly.

If you're a new cook and you're trying to figure out how to pan-fry something so that it tastes good, might I recommend tofu?

I'm not saying "treat tofu like meat and try to replace all your favorite meat dishes with tofu" (though, I mean, if that sounds good - go for it), I'm saying "it's a lot easier to practice heating a pan and flipping objects in a pan for a meal and seasoning objects in a pan when the objects in the pan cost two dollars instead of ten dollars."

Tofu lasts a lot longer in the fridge than meat does, is easy to season, and you can easily learn how to pan-fry it into a tasty snack (or main course) and only requires a little extra prep. You can also pretend that the tofu is raw meat (the texture isn't dissimilar) and start practicing for things like how to take it out of a package or cut it on a sanitizable surface, etc.

My favorite way to cook tofu is to press extra firm tofu for at least half an hour (you can get a cheap tofu press for around ten dollars, or you can put it between two plates with some books on the top plate - this is that extra prep i was talking about - tofu cooks best if you press the excess water out), then slice a 14oz cake of it into 8 slices. I lay these flat and sprinkle cayenne pepper, mushroom powder, and smoked paprika on all of the slices, then I rub it in and flip the slices and season the other side the same way. I cook it in a frying pan with a thin layer of avocado or olive oil over medium heat, flipping every two minutes until the flat sides start to crisp up a little. Just before the last flip I add about a tablespoon of tamari sauce (you can use soy sauce, I've just got allergies) to the pan, sprinkling it over the tofu so that both sides get a little bit of sauce on them.

I have that with steamed vegetables and with jasmine rice (with two teaspoons of rice wine vinegar per 3 cups of dry rice and 4.5 cups of water). I also make a honey-siracha-mayo sauce that I dip the tofu in.

It's really good. And now I end up eating leftover rice and sauce with fried eggs for lunch at least two days a week and that's also really good.

This has become one of my go-to low spoon foods because it's so easy to make, it's filling, it tastes good to me, and it has become extremely easy for me to keep a stock of tofu in the fridge compared to the effort of keeping un-expired meat in the fridge.

I find that a 14oz pack of tofu feeds two adults for one meal, though I can stretch that to three meals if I'm the only one eating.

It makes a very cheap, filling, easy dinner that I can keep the ingredients around for without too much concern for food waste or anything going bad (the tofu that I get lasts about a month in the fridge and these days I just buy three packs every time I'm at aldi and cycle in new stock - it costs $1.50 per pack)

If you're interested in becoming a better cook, rather than worrying about actual high-risk products like raw chicken that can be seriously dangerous and also cost a fair amount, tofu has a pretty low barrier to entry while also being a good way to learn on a new ingredient that has some similar properties to raw meat.

[0hcicero]

So I just started reading A Court of Thorns and Roses (audiobook), and am I the only one who is wondering if the author did any research into poor subsistence living or the lives of peasants? Because wow, I know Feyre’s family used to be rich, but if that was 8 years ago and y’all are poor as dirt now, somehow in the intervening period you might have learned:

- trap lines in the winter are far superior to active hunting. It burns less calories, you can use it with fish and land animals, and it will save you from frostbite bc instead of sitting in a blind for hours, you can go to your lines at certain times and head home, or drive animals toward your lines.

- buying flower seeds - or any garden seeds - is a suckers game when you’re poor. You only really need to buy seeds once!! Once you harvest, you let stuff ‘go to seed’ and then you collect it and store it for the winter, often trading seeds with your neighbours.

- they let things actively RUN OUT before doing anything about it. That’s absolutely buckwild if you’ve ever been poor — when you’re poor, you know how to make a meal stretch, and you DO IT.

- there is hunting, but no gathering?? This family has not stored any veg for winter, but neither do they go gather mushrooms, rosehips, roots, tubers, nuts, or even fucking bark?? What happened to their cottage garden?? Was it just flowers?! Were they that rich that they don’t understand that a garden produces food? Did they close their eyes as they walked past all their peasant neighbours and their gardens? Bc that’s maybe the wildest thing I’ve seen from both a historical and a ‘grew up so close to dirt poor you couldn’t tell the difference’ perspective!

- She left a whole ass Giant wolf carcass when her family is starving. Nah nah nah no that is the universe smiling on you when you’re subsistence! You will make a travois or somehow find a way to tie that to you and drag it along - that’s double the food, and possibly more money, because you could live off the wolf (which I assume does not taste great) and sell off some of the deer (which is delicious).

- she didn’t at least do a basic clean of her kill out in the woods?! She did not tan the hides?! Y’all, you do not want to be cleaning any kill on the kitchen table. Why? Because cleaning involves removing the intestines and stomach. That means shit and piss and food digestion in different stages, and the gases produced. You do that *outside*, typically at least close to where you made your kill, because you don’t want to have to have any…spills, and because it makes things a bit lighter to carry. Butchering? For sure do it on a table, but cleaning is an outdoor chore. Also, tanning a hide is not just skinning a creature! It’s scraping all the membranes off it, stretching and drying it, and curing the skin - sometimes with smoke, but often with a pretty gross solution (often including brain oil, and historically, I believe urine and/or feces, and other things with the right chemical components). It’s not a simple or quick task!

- soups, pottages, stews, with dried lentils, beans, or peas would have been the staple meals (depending on the climate and environment, but it feels fairly British thus far). Just having roasted venison (def not the best way to eat venison just from taste alone) would likely be a very very rare occurrence, because, as noted earlier, they’re so poor they would need to make it stretch. You would cure it or dry it or turn it into sausage. You would use it sparingly within a meal, not to serve as the whole meal.

- the market. If you were poor, you would likely be a stranger to spices, but not to salt. Salt is deeply necessary to survive in that period, as it’s one of the only ways of safely processing and storing meat with any longevity. And? If you got the money that they did while being as poor and as starving as they were? The first thing you would do — even if you were the most stupid rich person before then — is stock up your stores of dry goods! Flour, salt, honey, dried beans/peas/lentils, vegetables that store - onions, squashes, potatoes, root vegetables like carrots. It’s straight up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs here - you will not give a shit about a new cloak before you give a shit about saying your hunger. They are said to be ‘starving’. Sorting out your survival comes before sorting out your fashion.

Anyways, this has been me for channel 4, reporting on anachronisms and misrepresentations in fantasy fiction. More news at 10.

[rinniessance]

jujutsu kaisen men and what their cocks are like <3 〳〳ft. satoru gojo, suguru geto, toji fushiguro, kento nanami

꒰ warnings: nsfw - mdni .ᐟ.ᐟ brief mentions of dacraphyllia in satoru's part, tea-bagging, mentions of breeding in toji's part ꒱ ꒰ notes: 2am horny brainrot, enjoy .ᐟ.ᐟ ꒱

SATORU GOJO ༊*·˚

i don't think it needs to be mentioned but that man's cock is BEAUTIFUL. it's not very thick but god it's just the perfect size, maybe even on a bigger side, i would say 7.5 to 8 inches. it's long and slender, and uncut ! ! absolutely enjoys gagging you with his cock, adores the sounds you make when he shoves himself to the hilt until you cry. frustratingly, has really pretty balls too. has a habit of slapping you across your face with his dick while tea-bagging you.

"god, dumb little thing, you look so fucking gorgeous gagged with my balls. wanna keep you like this forever."

has a prominent vein that runs from the base to the tip - you learned to lick it with long, languid swipes of your tongue, noises you are able to pull from satoru by doing it are straight up pornographic.

SUGURU GETO ༊*·˚

suguru is not as long as satoru but he makes it up by having the girth. i'd say he is around 6.5-7 inches, and has a delicious upward curve to him too - not fair because he could honestly mold dildos with how curvy he is when hard. first time you fuck, he asks you to ride him because he is obsessed with watching his thick cock stretch your hole - you try to insist it's too much but he sees how hungrily your pussy sucks him in, sheathing his dick all the way in.

"that's right, princess, ride me. god, i wish you had my view 'cause i tell your pussy is just swallowing me up."

he has a thick head too, thicket than the rest of his cock, so initial intrusion is almost always painfully pleasurable. geto also learns to reach your special spot in embarrassingly short amount of time, hits it with force every time you fuck now.

TOJI FUSHIGURO ༊*·˚

i know it's a well-known fact that toji is hung like a horse. he is both thick and long - at least 10 inches. extremely veiny: when he's inside you, you can feel the walls being caressed by his ridges. it's actually unfair just how good his dick is 'cause he is also blessed with the slight curve when erect - he's always able to hit the spongy spot inside you with the scary precision. he is hell-bent on fucking you raw most of the time, knows it drives you insane when his mushroom tip fucks his cum right into your cervix.

"yes, you love that baby? my little doll loves when i'm fucking her rough and raw, heh? gonna make you a mommy."

always has to prepare the heating pads for you and carry you around the apartment morning after because his cock really rearranges all of the furniture. all around the best dick you'll ever have.

KENTO NANAMI ༊*·˚

i would say kento is somewhere between satoru and suguru - he is around 7 inches, not very thick but has the best curve out of all. when he slides his dick inside you for the first time, you're ready to cum right there and then because he is hitting your spot without even trying. but he's curved downward so he enjoys fucking you probone, pushing hard and fast into you, manhandling just how he wants you from behind.

"you're always so tight for me like this, love. will never get enough of how well you take me."

the head is slightly less thicker than the rest of him but it allows him to always fill you up to the hilt from the very first stroke with minimum resistance.

© rinniessance do not steal, plagiarize or translate my works. do not recommend me on tiktok, thank you

[slvtforoldermen]

Pedro’s Characters: The Dick-tionary: Part Two

(PS. I’m currently on my ovulation week so this is gonna be mental)

Part One ;)

Frankie (Catfish) Morales:

Okay so I just finished watching Triple Frontier and oml I love this man. One thing I wanna say is, he definitely fucks you in whatever flying vehicle he owns, not during flights of course <3 safety first and I have such a bad fear of flying. Anyways, Frankie’s about 7 inches, and he has a pretty pink mushroom tip, he’s pretty thick too tbh, and he’s a vein up the side that you can feel when he’s inside you. PRAISE!!! He’s a praiser and not a degrader. Breeding kink is a must!!! Maybe it’s because he’s a family man but I feel like he has a domestic kink, like, he lovesssss talking about you being his ‘pretty little wife/husband’. Fuck, he lovessss filling you up and talking bout how he wants to get you pregnant, even if you can’t get pregnant :0, he was quite delicate with this factor at first in case it made you uncomfortable but he 100% wouldn’t say anything about that if it made you uncomfy. He just needs you to be happy. “My sweet girl/boy, spread your legs for me will ya?” “Yeah you like that, yeah you do… good girl/boy.” “Pretty little baby, taking me so so well, aw, so cute” “Take my cock in your mouth, oh yeah, just like that, my sweet, sweet baby.” He shaves well enough I think, likes to leave a happy trail to tease you with.

Agent Whiskey

Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Literally. Ride him and he’ll love you forever. Pedro’s cowboy characters hold a warm place in my heart because I find Southern accents sooooo sexy, ugh yes, talk about your farm daddy.

Um…. Anyways! Jack is so cunty I love him. Okay, he’s a big boy, about 8 inches, up there with Javier and Joel. He’s thick, like oof… Nice big tip too. Depending on the day, he switches between soft and hard dom. His fav position is cowgirl obviously, despite popular speculation, he’s not really a big fan of reverse cowgirl, but he LOVES doggystyle, he’s an ass man so spanking is a yes. He’s not a daddy man. OH MY GOD WHEN YOU RIDE HIM PLEASE WEAR HIS HAT PLEASE HE’LL CUM SO SO HARD!! SIT 👏 ON 👏 HIS 👏 FACE 👏 If he’s feeling soft and wants to be all chivalrous and his Southern self, he’ll fuck you in missionary, peppering kisses all over your face and neck. “My sweet girl/boy… takin’ my cock so well.” “Oh darlin’, ya look so pretty f’me.” “Fuck, so good, baby, such a good lil hole.” Big snail trail enthusiast!!!

Marcus Pike

I have not watched the mentalist so I apologise for any inaccuracies :( but good lord how gorgeous is this man…

Sorry guys I just can’t get over how pretty he is, but I’m actually crying because he’s so beautiful. Anyway, he’s about 7.5 inches and loooovvvvessss to be sucked off. You just look so so pretty with his cock in your mouth, and suck on his tip, his hips buckle a little and he whimpers, his hands going straight into your hair. He’s such a sweet lover, when he’s inside you, he’s so soft and gentle, you’d have to physically beg him to be rough. A BIG KISSER!!! Loves kissing you, just make sure you’ve kissed him at least 20 times and he’ll be content. He’s such a sweetie, please just be nice to him. “I love you so so much.” “Please oh baby, I love you, love this hole, so fucking good for me, good girl/boy.” “I’m gonna cum, oh please, where do you want me to cum, please tell me where to cum baby…” He likes to keep its shaved but he’s not completely bald.

Lucien Flores

Now, I have been looking for the clip of him making out and I can’t find it anywhere 😭😭 if someone could find it for me pleaseeeee send it I will love and cherish you for eternity. I also couldn’t find a gif of him so bear with me 😭.

Oh guys… MIRRORS!!! From looks and expectations and fanfics I’ve read, mirrors are a big thing for him. He’s about 8 inches. Loves doggy, he’s also an ass man. Choking you is a MUST, oh god he loves making you take him in a mirror, in doggy, with his big hand wrapped around your pretty neck, seeing you in the mirror taking him sooo well. It’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Same thing with the bathroom. He has you with one leg on the counter, the other dangling as he pounds into you, just absolutely destroying you. Shower sex too! He has you, either against the wall or legs wrapped around his waist. In fact just let him fuck you on every single surface of the house. Bed, bathroom, floor, sofa, dining table, kitchen counter, anything!! Loves eating you out from behind. He shaves and isn’t bald, yknow standard procedure 🤷🏻‍♀️

Special Guest!! My fav TV cameo 🫶

Reggie Luckman:

My MAN!! 🥺 he whimpers, have you seen him to that pretty when you cry edit, UGH STRIKES MY HEART EVERY TIME! I watch that edit about 3 times a day. I am very well aware that he’s just found out he’s killed his friend in this gif but he’s just so beautiful…

He’s 7 inches, and has such a cute face when he’s inside you, eyes squeezed shut and biting his lip as he conceals his whimpers. You keep telling him that he’s fine to moan but he just gets so embarrassed. Such a praiser, calls you a good girl/boy soooo much. His hips stutter when he’s close, and he bites down on your shoulder, accidentally leaves hickeys on your neck and collarbones. He loves going fast. When you ride him, he looks up at with those sweet eyes, and it makes your heart melt, hands on your hips, guiding you sweetly. Tug on his hair in orallllll!!! “Please, please, you feel so good, I love you.” “Mmm, please, I’m gonna cum, can I cum in you?” “I can? Thank you, thank you, fuck!” Praise him back, tell him how he’s doing, tell him that he’s good. Pleaseeeee I need him soooo baddddd!!!!!!

[mhsdatgo]

Hotd writers choosing to adapt Mushroom's records out of everything they had in hand is the worst decision they could've ever come up with btw.

It's been stated time and time again that while F&B is purely built on records and gossip and morphed retelling of events out of bias and propaganda, Mushroom is the LEAST reliable of all the sources. He's a fool at Rhaenyra's court, his job is make people gasp and laugh, not retell historical events.

We're talking about the same guy who said that he had a penis large enough to match the size of his head, mind you. Also, he's obsessed with little girls giving BJs to Targaryen men somewhere in Flea Bottom. It's happened twice according to him.

The writers' reasoning for this choice is basically that F&B was written by Maesters and Septons, who were all greedy men, apart from being Green supporters. So anything they say is false, anything they say is written with sexist intent. Writer's intention was to do the exact opposite.

Then tell me, for the love of God, tell me, why is every woman apart from Rhaenyra, who is clearly whitewashed and I can go into heavy detail about that, basically shunned?

The Maesters claim Alicent left Viserys' body to rot and swell for days preparing and LEADING Rhaenyra's usurpation. She's the leader of the Greens, she and she alone. Not Otto. The Green Council answers only to her orders, they are loyal to HER.

I've seen people argue that since Alicent is what Maesters view as an "ideal" woman, then they would try anything to paint her in the best light possible. While I agree that this may be true, I don't think this is the case. In history books, even in real life, women are rarely painted as leaders or important figures.

For Queen Alicent to be written as THE face of the Greens, you know this mama wasn't playing around.

Now, how is this:

In ANY WAY, even comparable to THIS?:

At the end of ep.8 and quite literally the entirety of ep.9, Alicent is shown as a lost woman who doesn't even seem to know what she's doing, pushed by Viserys' last words about prophecy rather than SHEER DESIRE to get her hands dirty for her children's safety (which by the way will always be superior imo). The Green Council conspires behind her back, and on top of it all, she's yelled at by one of her own men and is made to take it like a beaten dog.

Moreover, we had Helaena's ROAST (yes it was a roast, my Queen inherited cunty lines from her cunty mother) against Aegon and her coronation, the latter being addressed as something quite wholesome, if you ask me. Alicent places her own crown upon her daughter's head and calls her "my Queen" after kissing her cheeks and kneeling. Afterwards, her and Alicent are literally written to be the only ones who could get through Aegon II's thick skull when he wanted to start the war right then and there as a result of Rhaenyra crowning herself on Dragonstone.

You hear me??? Aegon sat down and fucking listened to the two women in his life. Not the Council, them. These two were dogwalking him, the KING, on the daily, how is that sexist writing on the Maesters' part????

Yet these things are nowhere to be seen in Ryan Condal and Sara Hess' "progressive" show. We got beaten dog Alicent and Helaena being nothing but a walking spoiler machine other than yet another instrument to paint Aegon as the big bad wolf and usurper. Not a single scene of them counseling Aegon.

Baela and Rhaena have nearly no lines or scenes that don't show them in the presence of the Strongs. They are seemingly okay with anything Rhae throws their way because it's Rhae. The one and only scene about Baela openly speaking to her grandma about her wish to fight for Rhaenyra was deleted.

Meanwhile, Rhaenyra is stripped of her rage and thirst for vengeance, and instead made to negotiate for peace while in the books she was the one pushing to go to war first.

Can you tell me, again, how the fanfiction that is Hotd supposed to prove that they want to be "progressive" in contrast to the Maesters' "sexist" work, when literally all they do is whitewash Rhaenyra and sideline any woman who isn't her?

[saikira999]

~ Headcannons for TWST characters playing Minecraft

This is a continuation to the answer to the last request!

I also remind you that English is not my native language, and if you find any errors, please let me know.

Another parts about:

Azul and Lilia!

Idia and Malleus!

Riddle and Leona!

[Jade]

One day, Jade was offered to play Minecraft....:

1) "A game about blocks...? Haha, it's a really cute idea, but I don't think I can find the time for it."

“There are huge mushrooms the size of trees, and You can live on a mushroom island and collect mushroom soup from mushroom cows...”

"...😊"

2) He downloaded the game that evening.

3) Before the game, briefly studied it and the topic of minecraft mushrooms, and when He went to the server, the first thing He did was go look for mushroom biomes.

Azul tried to persuade Him to settle in His village (Not in any case for to exploit the eel in a cubic version of the Mostro Lounge, or at least make a workbench to begin with), But Jade simply left.

leech wandered around the server, and soon found the nearest mushroom biome, adjacent to the village of Riddle (Poor Riddle), and quickly occupied it, starting to build a base right under the huge red mushroom.

4) When he learned that mushroom blocks cannot be obtained by hand or with ordinary tools, His reaction was literally: "....😊.....💀"

5) Fortunately, the kind-hearted Riddle gave Him a pickaxe enchanted with silk touch, in exchange for the fact that Jade would not allow her beloved brother to wander around Their and Riddle’s territories.

6) Now, He can get more huge mushrooms to build a GIANT mushroom and live in Him!

7) As mentioned above, His home is a giant red mushroom, proudly towering above the other mushrooms and the neighboring birch grove. The inside of his hat may not be so spacious, but over the course of the game, Jade will significantly expand it so that only the most necessary things can fit: a turquoise bed, chests, a workbench, stoves, decorative pots with mushrooms, etc. You can climb the stairs, and below, around the mushroom king, the Leech will build a mushroom garden (there are never too many mushrooms) with a small lake into which he will place a couple of fish from a bucket.

8) It’s even a pity that no one wants to come to visit Him.... One day, when Yuu came to visit the eel, He fed Them a couple of bowls of mushroom stew and gave Them a couple of dozen more bowls with Him, because His chests were already bursting with stews.

9) It seems that in this game, Jade is not interested in anything other than His mushroom kingdom, but sometimes, He gets out to other players to exchange, trade mushroom stew (No one buys it) or just out of curiosity. Once, an eel even walked along the seabed and found an underwater temple, but soon, He got bored with the ocean and He climbed out to the shore again, looking for mushrooms. He also often walks in the mountains, but believes that real mountains are much more interesting.

10) In general, Jade is a neutral player, but this does not mean that it is worth angering him or destroying his mushroom house... No, He certainly will not grief in response, or start a sword fight with an idiot in the game...

...He would just find and visit Him in reality....

11) The main goal for Jade is not even to kill the dragon, but to find a mushroom island on which He will build a second base and breed mooshroom...And when He, after driving a boat across the ocean for hours, finally finds muddy water and an island of the same color with mushrooms and creepy-looking cows, His smile for a split minute becomes truly sincere.

Expect that you will not get Him out of there for the next few days.

12) He built a new base, similar to the first one, and squandered all the tags on mooshrooms, naming Them all after mushrooms known to Him.

13) His favorite is Boletus. One day, She was struck by lightning, which turned the red cow brown and this made Her stand out from the crowd. Boletus lives right above, in the cap of a giant mushroom, along with Jade (Don't ask how He got Her there).

14) In a sudden change of mood, Floyd once shorn more than half of Jade's cows, making them ordinary, and almost killed a Boletus. In response to this, Jade simply left the game.... And then Floyd left the game...

And then, Floyd, for some reason unknown to anyone, did not enter the game for two weeks....

15) When the eel has completely conquered the mushrooms of the upper world, it’s time to conquer the fungi of the lower world!

Jade quickly found the crimson and warped forests and killed a decent number of the local inhabitants, so that no one would interfere with Him collecting precious fungi and their huge versions... Although, of course, He did not really understand why the Large distorted and crimson fungi were more like trees, but on the other hand, He will be able to update the interior (Jade will decorate His bases mainly with turquoise boards and decorations of warped mushrooms).

16) Oh, those long-legged ugly guys flopping around in the lava also like mushrooms? Great, so Jade will have new pets....

Jade will make a separate, third base in Nether, after He tried to drag several striders to his mushroom island, but They all died due to the rain... But in His new one, more spacious and richly decorated with various hellish vines, mushrooms and the items house will make lava pool for His new friends, whom Jade periodically feeds and breeds.

17) Jade made his own flags with mushrooms on them and hung them wherever possible.

18) Didn’t go to fight the dragon because there were no mushrooms in the End, which means there was nothing interesting.

19) Most likely, He will get bored with the game in a month or two, and each time He will go there less and less, until he finally leave, leaving His beloved mushroom cows and striders to wait for His master for eternity...

20) ...Unless Yuu accidentally mentions next to Him the existence of various mods and add-ons, and the eel goes to delicately request (This looks more like a polite threat than a request) Idia for to install a couple of mods on a dozen new mushrooms and related with them biomes, mobs and even decorative items and food...

[Floyd]

Despite the threat of being strangled, the Yuu still approached Floyd to call Him to Minecraft:

1) "Ahhh...? Shrimpy wants to play with blocks? Hehehe, this game looks stupid... You're lucky that I'm bored, otherwise I would have squeezed you long ago...~ Although... Come here, little shrimp! Play with ME, not with these stupid blocks!

(Insert aggressively tender Floyd sounds here)

2) After a session of tight hugs, after which all of Yuu’s bones began to crack, Floyd finally downloaded the game and, logging into the server, brought with him fear and horror to all the players in the area (Especially Riddle).

3) Definitely homeless. Floyd is not interested in construction and mostly hangs around, sometimes intimidating other players.

Of course, Azul invited Him to settle in His village, still naively wanting to exploit another eel in the second Mostro, but after Floyd started a fight there and blew up the wall of the restaurant (I beg you, don’t ask where this damned eel dug up dynamite at the very beginning of the game ), Azul kicked out politely sent Floyd outside to play.

4) Floyd is an unstable player. At first He is quite peaceful and calm, wanders aimlessly from side to side, watching the others and sometimes scaring other players, and after a couple of minutes, he brutally beats mobs or players, causes brawls and joins griefer raids. Floyd is the second villain of the server after Leona and the players are really afraid of him and even a couple of times, Idia had to kick him out of the server, but Floyd always came back using His brother or Azul as a ticket to enter.

5) If Jade is a tactical and careful player who uses tactics, evasion and shields during the battle, then Floyd is a tank who crushes everything in His path, not leaving alive a single monster or innocent animal he sees... And sometimes players.

6) Once, He beat Idia, armed to the teeth and dressed in netherite armor, with raw salmon to death.

7) Constantly forgets that he cannot breathe and swim quickly underwater, and is sincerely indignant when he dies at the bottom due to lack of oxygen.

8) Periodically, Floyd spends the night either with other players (Sometimes without their permission), or in the open air.

9) His favorite pastime is parkour and climbing everything possible. Sometimes Floyd jumps on the buildings of other players, original buildings in Minecraft, or a couple of times he even builds a “challenge path” for himself so as not to get bored. Sometimes Jade and Yuu help Him with construction.

10) Ortho will teach Him how to create his own worlds and install mods and parkour maps, which, surprisingly, will keep the eel busy for a long time.

11) He is absolutely invincible in joint parkour competitions held on the server and even beat Idia and Lilia in a surprisingly short time, for which he received a well-enchanted set of netherite armor... Which He almost never uses.

12) He spends a lot of time at the bottom and has already killed all the drowned people and even took a couple of tridents from them, which, however, he hardly uses and hits his enemies with the first thing that comes to hand.

13) He openly hates mushroom biomes, and only went to visit his brother a couple of times, and only because other players didn’t let him spend the night, and he didn’t want to sleep outside... And also because, there’s a little goldfish cute village nearby.

14) Of all the players, he most often pesters Riddle, sometimes starting playful fuss with Him, which usually ends in a fight or destruction of His village.

15) He also likes to mischief and mix things up in Riddle’s chests, interfere with Jamil in His kitchen on the server, distract Azul or mess with Jade... Yuu, He also often annoys, preventing Them from doing what they love and begging for attention.

16) He constantly dies and gets very angry about it.

17) Single-handedly killed the wither... With the same raw salmon...

18) Enters the server with volatile interest. Sometimes, the game suddenly becomes boring for him and Floyd doesn't log in for a few days, and then suddenly returns to make a new mess.

19) Floyd was among those players who went to kill the dragon (Ortho persuaded Him to put on armor and take with Him at least something other than raw salmon)...

And He took the raw cod.

And in The End, He was mainly busy gnawing the endermen running after other players and the dragon and sometimes switching to the dragon, continuing the aggressive beating of everyone possible... After the endermen and the dragon, He would switch to the players.

20) After defeating the dragon, Floyd played Minecraft for some time until He finally got tired of it and forgot about the server.

Perhaps He will still occasionally enter the game for the sake of parkour, but parkour in the game will never compare to the flight of a free eel on the walls and roofs of a college, under the loud cursing of teachers and the director, in reality.

Thank you for your requests! I will also be happy to receive new requests and reblogs! :D

I was asked to make headcanons about freshmen. I'll deal with it a little later~

[crazyaboutto]

The pain of being a book reader that’s been made into a show

The writers and directors literally have completed series in their hands. They have the writer’s feedback as well or at least they initially said so in season 1.

Why the fuck are they deviating from canon so much? I’m trying to think HOTD as high budgeted fan fiction but damn it’s so hard. You’re getting paid a lot and working on one of the most well known series and you just fuck up

I was already pissed with Aegon’s dream nonsense as well as Rhaenys bursting out of coronation just for shock value but it’s going downhill fast. That dream leads to absolutely nothing. We don’t even have NK like the GOT version in the books. Also, still prefer book version of Alicent both age and character wise.

It was so fast paced in season 1 and now they’re dragging the story. They’re also deviating from the canon a lot

Why does Alicent actually believe “that’s what Viserys wanted”? She wants the throne for her bloodline and that’s it. It’s her wish for power, not for actually believing in whatever Viserys was saying.

It also feels like Rhaenyra would be fine with Aegon’s usurping if Luke didn’t die. She is the throne. The war started when the greens hid the death of the king.

Why is Daemon tripping for so long? He took harrenhall and that’s it. He raised the armies 3 times before the Dance. He’s a fearsome and competent general but he’s basically just a random dude who took acid trips. Ryan saying Daemon doesn’t have the skill set to raise an army lmao give me a break

Perhaps, they do not want to show cruel side of Rhaenyra by ordering the death of Nettles and not harming Daemon after Mysaria told Rhaenyra? on one hand, Daemon might have cheated with Nettles, or it was father-daughter relationship like Mushroom thinks. It feels like they’re wasting our time with Daemon’s trips like him fucking his mother nonsense to erase Nettles.

Why are they trying to erase the connection between Valyrian and dragons? No normal person can bond with a dragon. Be it Valeryon or Targaryen, you need Valyrian blood. And the whole stupid “illusion” thing in the show.

They also wasted Laena so badly in season 1. If they’re all for sapphic representation instead of just creating buzz on internet, they could have gone for Laena x Rhaenyra moments. I’m not even sure if the adult versions were on screen together. Soon after we got older Laena, she died. It’s literally book canon that Rhaenyra was “very fond” of Laena. It’s also pretty much implied that there were things between them and ot3 with Daemon

Not to mention they erased the lesbian fighter character who loves killing men and kissing women. I’m talking about Sabitha (Frey) and her lover Alysanne Blackwood. Would rather (want to) see them acting like they’re “very close friends” than a Alicole sex scene

We don’t even have Daeron lol

We haven’t seen Haelena’s mourning well instead we saw random things. Blood and Cheese wasn’t even done properly. If you’re slowing down the pace and will end the Dance in season 3, at least show more of Haelena’s mourning. Show the sibling interactions between the greens.

Another thing, who the hell is Aeriana? Her?

I’m just reminded of how after the books ended, D&D took liberties with characters and we got the clusterfuck of season 7-8. Now I feel like they’ll do the same thing in season 3

And I fear what they’ll do with Aegon the conqueror. Like maybe he tricked Visenya and Rhaenys into marrying him and conquering the 7 kingdoms? Maybe the sisters didn’t want to kill but were forced to because they’re such angels? Or Visenya can’t fight well

Why does HBO keep making shows about the house it abhors?

[blicketdabest33]

Y'all remember that MCYT PJO au I asked for help with awhile ago? WELL HERE'S THE CABINS AND MY EXPLINATIONS BEHIND THEM!!

#1 Zeus Cabin: Jimmy, Joel Jimmy: He's a Zeus kid, but everyone somehow forgets about it. Joel: He's competitive and strong. Also, because Jimmy is his half brother through godly parent, i get to make a fun bit about him dating Lizzie. And one of his origins in Afterlife SMP was a thunderborn

#2 Hera Cabin: Scott Scott: Scott's whole thing is loyalty. Hera is the goddess of marriage and is insanely loyal to Zeus. However, I feel like Hera should get at least one affair. So now Scott can use peacocks as weapons.

#3 Poseidon Cabin: Skizz Skizz: Poseidon kids tend to be really, really loyal to a fault and heroic, both qualities I think Skizz possesses.

#4 Demeter Cabin: Sausage, Shelby, Bdubs, Stress Sausage: This man built Sanctuary in a jungle and has flowers in his hair. He sells wood. There is no other place to put him. Shelby: Mushroom gnome, spooky mangrove witch, powerful storm witch, i need not continue. Bdubs: Moss man. Stress: SHE HAS FLOWERS

#5 Ares Cabin: Martyn, False Martyn: His planet is Mars, which is the roman version of Ares. He ended Limited Life in such a violent way, i can't help it. He was also red for the majority of Secret Life. False: I just feel like False should get to kill people more often.

#6 Athena Cabin: Grian, Pix, Owen, Xisuma Grian: This sums it up pretty well

Pix: Smart man. Archeologist and definitely a nerd. I wanna see him skipping out on training just so he can read history books. Owen: He likes to explore and discover new things in Pirates. In Rats, he's a tinkerer. In New Life, he's an explorer who wants to study hybrids. In Empires, he's a Llama who's curious about how humans work. Just a very curious character overall. Xisuma: Admin. I'm not elaborating.

#7 Apollo Cabin: Gem, Oli, Lyarrah Gem: She is an Apollo kid because of her Empire in S2. She's the sunlight princess. Apollo kid. Oli: MUSIC. MAN. Lyarrah: She writes the captions for the hermitcraft recap.

#8 Artemis Cabin: Pearl Pearl: Y'know, Artemis could've just like... had a kid, even though she took that oath. It wouldn't even have to be with a guy. Gods can change to whatever gender they want. Anyway, Pearl gets to be an Artemis kid because her symbolism is moon, she loves dogs, and will commit murder and hunt at night.

#9 Hephaestus Cabin: Doc, Mumbo, Tango, Impulse, Cub, Zedaph, Fwhip, Iskall Doc: Redstone Mumbo: Redstone Tango: Redstone Impulse: Redstone Cub: Redstone Zedaph: Redstone Fwhip: Redstone AND has a red scarf (don't ask me how that's relevant) Iskall: Redstone

#10 Aphrodite Cabin: Keralis Keralis: Okay, I don't know why, but Keralis gives me the vibes of a very charming person. His voice is nice to listen to, so imagine how useful it'd be if I gave him charm speak.

#11 Hermes Cabin: Scar, Etho, Joe Scar: Trader Scar, scammer extraordinar. Etho: All i must say is Shady-E's. I get "jack-of-all-trades, master of none, often better than master of one" vibes from him. He's funny, he's mischievous, it just works. Joe: Comedy man. Excellent delivery. And, yet again, i look at this man and go "That right there is a multi-talented man with a habit for mischief."

#12 Dionysus Cabin: Joey, Beef Joey: *points at his season one empires theme* i need not say more Beef: Idk, food. I don't really have a reason. I don't know too much about Beef.

#13 Hades Cabin: Zloy Zloy: Zombie man. He writes the Hermitcraft recaps in the dark at 2am with nothing but pure spite.

#14 Iris Cabin: Katherine Katherine: SHE. HAS. COLORS. and also I couldn't put her in Demeter cabin because Shelby is already there and i am NOT excluding Nature Wives from this au

#15 Hypnos Cabin: Bigb, XB, Wels Bigb: Sleepy stuff, right? WRONG. Gaslight. Go in everyones dreams, make fake prophecies, peace out, and cause chaos. XB: I look at his fanon design, I see an alien, and I go "aha he sleeps" Wels: This guy (@dingdinghq) said so and i completely agree. Something about sleeping in S6.

#16 Nemesis Cabin: Edit: wels not here no more

#17 Nike Cabin: Ren Ren: VICTORY. I don't know much about Ren's story in the Life Series, but I look at this man and see someone who has won a lot.

#18 Hebe Cabin: 

#19 Tyche Cabin: TFC TFC: Man goes mining and gets really lucky. That's it.

#20 Hecate Cabin: Lizzie, Cleo, Jevin Lizzie: Witchy vibes. Also, Arson. Cleo: Arson. She uses her magic for Arson. Jevin: He's a magic slime. Also, Arson. All Hecate kids love Arson.

[spacelessbian]

thoughts on Agatha All Along FINALE

Full spoilers ahead, 100% don't read if you haven't seen episodes 8 and 9.

I really enjoyed the finale, both episodes had a lot to offer and overall I am quite happy with how the show concluded. Things that I liked in no particular order:

The REVEALS. There is simply nothing better than a reveal that recontextualizes everything. And we didn't get just one, but two! Personally I found Agatha running a con and murdering women for centuries the more fun one, but Billy actually creating the Road was also really good and even though I've only seen the show once (unlike many people on here, no doubt), I can name many points in the story and in the dialogue where this is worked in and suddenly makes sense. Really great stuff.

Agatha and Nicky. I was dreading this part a little bit because I know Nicholas Scratch is some sort of big name in Marvel comics and I truly couldn't care less, so I'm pleased with what we got – a genuinely sweet yet tragic story of a mom and her son, destined to death even before being born. I was surprised (but in a good way) by Agatha's quiet reaction to Nicky's death because we know his death hurt her badly, but that's just how it is sometimes.

Agatha and Rio. I won't say I'd always had fate in Marvel to not mess this up, so yay! I don't think they did. This relationship is the heart of the show (and it is black and beats for the queers) and I think the writers did it justice (apart from one thing which I will get to in the next section). The kiss was intense, sexy, beautiful and also tragic and both Kathryn Hahn and Aubrey Plaza did a fantastic job with every piece of dialogue and every expression. I want them to play doomed lovers in five more projects, at least.

The coven. I already blogged about Jen but man, is it funny. Even this was Agatha all along, but she is such a menace she hasn't even realized that. I'm truly happy for Jen making it through and getting her power back. I'm glad we saw Alice's last moment and I liked how much Billy cared about her, Lilia and Sharon.

Agatha's death. I can't help myself, I need to go to that moment again. I was destroyed by that. It was so beautiful, both thematically and also visually and all. The flowers and mushrooms? The sun coming up? I kept thinking about Hozier's Work Song: When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down. I'll crawl home to her. (whadup, Rio reference)

Agatha and Billy specifically in that last battle scene. She was blue you guys, she was just completely blue and in the exact same blue that Billy wears in his silly Marvel costume. And Billy just offered her his power, without questions and without wanting anything in return! And she didn't kill him! (Writing that down, the bar is on the floor for Agatha lol.)

There are other small things (like the Subaru lol), but I am ready to go to the bad section now. Two things I did not like (hidden for lenght but also because not everyone wants to read negative stuff):

Agatha's ghost. I'm gonna say it. Agatha as a ghost looks fucking terrible and her existence itself diminishes her death scene. I do understand why they did it and even why she looks like that (Agatha in the comics, as I understand it, is Wanda's mentor and also an older white haired lady, so they wanted to keep that but it didn't make sense with Wanda anymore), but I just hate it. Especially the wig.

The Marvel stuff. Yes, I realize this sounds stupid, it is a Marvel show after all. We wouldn't get a stupid gimmick like ghost Agatha joining Billy to look for his brother if this wasn't a starting point for the Wiccan. And I like Billy, I do, I also (obviously) love Agatha, who was first introduced in WandaVision (I realize the hypocrisy), but it just doesn't work for me. I would rather think about the beautiful death scene with it's poetic tragedy than about white haired Agatha floating on a washing machine, I'm sorry.

That being said, I really really liked the whole show and I am happy to say I hooked in my best friend (if you are reading this, you are contractually obliged to like the post, you know how it is) and that I actually know other people irl who watched it and enjoyed it. I'm sad it's over and even sadder that in this day and age, noone will talk about it in about two to three weeks. Anyway, it was lovely.

[pianokantzart]

The Super Mario Bros. Redux (Pt. 3)

What would happen if, in The Super Mario Bros. Movie, after Mario and Luigi are separated, Mario was the one who ended up in the clutches of Luigi’s eventual arch nemesis, while Luigi teamed up with some of his own close allies to go rescue him? (This part of the story is in one shot format. Most other parts are written in bullet points.) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 ________ Mario never coped well with feeling trapped. As early as nine months old he was racing around like his life depended on it, clamoring over gates and out of windows, unbuttoning clothes he felt were too tight and twisting door handles the moment he developed the coordination to grasp them. Starting his own business was supposed to be a path to freedom… or at least the closest thing to freedom one could achieve in the modern world. He never in a thousand years would’ve guessed that the domino effect of his little endeavors would have landed him here. His cell felt more like a coffin than a prison; a golden picture frame hung halfway up the wall in an expansive gallery stacked floor to ceiling with other “artwork.” He could move no more than eight inches to the left or right. He couldn’t jump, lie down, sit, or turn around. The only thing he could do was bang his fists against the transparent barrier keeping him trapped, though that did little more than worsen his sense of claustrophobia.

His surrounding captives– far more accustomed to the cramped conditions– did what they could to calm him, as conversation proved to be the best distraction from their unfortunate situation. The talking turtles and mushroom men– Koopas and Toads, they were apparently called– were generous with what little information they had, and slowly Mario learned where he was, why he was where he was, who was responsible, and that– according to the game of telephone that ran up and down the conversing portraits– he was the only human that had been seen in the gallery. The mystery of Luigi’s whereabouts left Mario conflicted. On one hand, he was relieved. This was the last place his little brother needed to be. On the other hand, it opened up the possibility that he was somehow somewhere worse. He had promised his brother that they would be alright as long as he was together, but… to his shame… there was a selfish part of Mario that simply didn’t want to be alone.

He was listening sympathetically to the woes of the Toad in the neighboring painting when the large oaken doors to the gallery swung open, and a gaggle of cackling boos swarmed in. Mario had learned by now that ghosts of this world, free from the fear of death and any physical need, desired only amusement. They acted with a form of malicious playfulness, like a housecat that continues to hunt despite having long eaten its fill. The boos certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves as they floated through the room, lunging and making faces at the helpless captives, laughing every time they whimpered or flinched. Mario, his heart still clinging to memories of his twin, braced his palms against the barrier and shouted at the ghosts to leave the others alone. His command proved far more successful than he thought it would. All fifteen of the little white ghosts turned their attention to him, then swarmed in his direction, blending together into a whirl of white until they arrived in front of his painting fully transformed into a giant, singular boo, staring daggers with glowing yellow eyes. Mario put on a brave front and stared back.

He was made all too familiar with this enormous specter the moment he first stumbled upon the portraits. He still had bruises to prove the memory, though it was only thanks to the other trapped paintings that he was finally able to put a name to the face.

“Boolossus, is it?”

The behemoth didn’t answer. With a smug, sharp-toothed grin it merely plucked Mario from the wall and flitted away with the plumber tucked under its arm like a piece of common furniture. With his only view of the outside world obstructed by the translucent body of Boolossus, Mario was rendered lost and disoriented, and when at last he was once again hung upon a wall he found himself in a different room, carved out of murky, sulfur colored stone. This new location felt musty and ancient, very different from the colorful, well-tended opulence of the gallery. Long defunct lion-faced fountains stared at each other across the room from between towering pillars, where black grit filled the crevices of intricately carved designs. The only signs this decaying place had that it was ever visited was the lit chandeliers hanging overhead, and the blue flames dancing in the stone lamps that lined the center of the room.

Boolossus maintained his victorious expression as he backed away from the newly hung portrait, then buried himself in a corner to make room for the newcomer, phasing through roof overhead. Mario felt his apprehension grow, not because of the darkness around the ghost's eyes that sharpened the spectral glow of his gaze, or the enormous crown atop his head that indicated his place of royalty, or even his enormous size which dwarfed even that of Boolossus. Instead, Mario was troubled by an instinctive sense of true hatred emanating from him, far different from the impish malevolence of the other specters.

His heart leapt a little when the ghost’s crown lit up, and a field of purple magic reached toward him, plucking his painting off the wall and pulling him suspended mid-air to the center of the room.

“What is your name?” the ghost asked with a thoughtful hum. Mario felt the world spin around him as the giant boo used one of his stubby arms to twirl his painting in the air, then stopped it with such suddenness that Mario’s body slammed into the side of his prison. Slightly dazed, he collected himself enough to answer the question. “Mario.” “Mario… I have to admit, despite the novelty of a human visitor, you don’t seem to know your place in this world. Perhaps you don't know who I am? What I’m capable of?”

“You’re King Boo.” Mario answered after a pause– a brief reflection on his conversations in the gallery. “You shattered something called The Dark Moon, and now you want to lead an army of ghosts.”

“Very good! I guess you’re not as dumb as you look.”

Mario let out a yelp as he felt his portrait turned upside down, his feet remaining fixed in place as his arms dangled over his head and the blood rushed to his face. 

“Speaking of looks,” King Boo continued, his faux smile looking more like a scowl from its new angle, “it appears you didn’t arrive alone. There just so happens to be another human just like you! Mustache and everything!”

Knowing at once who he was talking about, Mario felt every muscle in his body tense up. His stomach tied itself into knots, and he felt his heartbeat double its pace. King Boo’s eyes flashed. His grin widened, and his great purple tongue lolled hungrily at the air like a dog. “Ha ha ha! There’s that fear! Utter terror in fact! So you do know him!”

“Listen, Luigi isn’t–”

“Luigi! Is that his name?”

Mario winced in self-directed frustration, then sputtered to his sibling’s defense. “He’s no threat to you! He’s just– he’s just a plumber! we both are!”

Mario felt his portrait righted, but his relief was short lived when, just as quickly, the frame grew suddenly smaller around him. He took another look at King Boo. His insincere grin had twisted into very sincere sneer. The magic emanating from his crown was clearly the source of the change, and was only making the frame smaller with every passing second.

“Is he now? And what is ‘just a plumber’ afraid of?” “What do you mean?” Mario returned, bracing his arms against the portrait frame, helplessly trying to push it back. “I mean Luigi has decided to make friends with the sworn enemy of my kingdom!” King Boo shouted, shrinking the portrait further in sharp jolts with every word he emphasized. “So if you don’t want to die alongside him, you’ll tell me just what it’ll take to frighten him off.”

“Those are two different questions!”

“What!?”

“‘What’s he afraid of?’ and ‘what will frighten him off?’...” Mario huffed, struggling to squeeze out the words with his head pressed painfully between his shoulders and his arms pinned against his aching chest. “He’s afraid of ghosts, but it looks like you’re not quite scary enough to get rid of him, huh?”

The retort felt good in the moment, but was followed by a sense of dread. Mario squeezed his eyes shut, expecting the painting to crush him then and there, but to his surprise the walls receded.

He would’ve fallen over in relief if his prison allowed, but instead he simply slumped backwards, taking in large breaths and wiping sweat from his brow. King Boo turned angrily to Boolossus, watching from the corner.

“Boolossus!” “Yes, your Highness?” came the answer, fifteen voices speaking as a single entity as they emerged from the shadows. 

“Go to the The Birabuto Capitol! Find E. Gadd and this… Luigi… and bring them here either as paintings or in pieces! Either way is fine with me!”

“Yes your highness!” returned the conjoined voices, falling out of unison as the giant boo flew apart, its fifteen pieces phasing through overhead roof in a gale of otherworldly giggles.

When they were left alone, King Boo turned to Mario to gauge his reaction. It didn’t disappoint, the ramifications of what he’d said clearly dawning on him. King Boo cackled. “Now that’s a face worth mounting on my wall! Let’s keep it that way, shall we?”

Mario opened his mouth to protest, when a blast of violet energy from King Boo’s crown suddenly halted him. Mario's portrait lost all color, motion, and consciousness, paralyzed and wide eyed. The perfect preservation of a moment of true fear.

[mirai-e-jump]

Masato Yano Photobook: TONE (translations and select pages below)

Publication: March 15, 2024

Masato Yano's 132 Q&A About 13 years ago, "Masato Yano's Style Photobook" was published with a Q&A. Now, a 32 year old Masato Yano answers nearly the same questions again.

1) What's your nickname? Yanocchi, Masanii, Masati

2) When were you born? December 16, 1991

3) What's your blood type? Type B

4) Your zodiac sign? Sagittarius

5) What size family are you from? I come from a family of 4

6) How tall are you? 173cm

7) Your shoe size? 26.5cm

8) What are some of your strengths? My jokes

9) How do you spend your days off? I'll drink the night before, go to the gym

10) What subjects were you worst at? Math and history

11) What are your favorite foods? Sushi and tsukemen

12) What's your assessment of your own personality? I'm easily obsessive and bored. I'm actually shy, but I'm trying my best so you don't think that way (laughs)

13) What are some of your weaknesses? I'm not good at remembering things like people's birthdays or names

14) What are you proud of? That I made my debut in "Shintokumaru"

15) What's your favorite color? Red and white

16) What type of woman do you like? Someone with a good core, someone who eats beautifully

17) What instruments can you play? None

18) What's your special skill? That I can guess who someone is just by their voice

19) What's your best feature? My double eyelids

20) What do you wish would disappear from the world? War

21) The first impressions that are often said about you? That I look scary

22) The person that you respect? Tsumabuki Satoshi-san and Fujiwara Tatsuya-san

23) What do you have a habit of saying? "~nanoyo" and "oh no"

24) Your least favorite type? Someone who only talks about themself

25) What's your treasure? The wallet I received from Tsumabuki-san

26) The ideal self that you desire to be? I want to be liked by many people

27) What's your "theme song"? Recently it's been that I'm the "most powerful king"

28) Your favorite artists? WATWING, the Carpenters, Eric Clapton, GENERATIONS

29) What do you do when you first wake up in the morning? Put on my glasses

30) What do you do right before bed? Put on the radio

31) What habits do you do unconsciously? Touch my nose, do things like suck on the end of a straw

32) What do you usually perform at karaoke? I tend to sing alot by SMAP

33) What foods do you not like? Shiitake mushrooms

34) What's your favorite thing to drink? Mets Grapefruit

35) What was the first CD you ever bought? Jet Coaster Romance by KinKi Kids

36) What do you like to watch and what's your favorite anime? Great Pretender, soccer games

37) How long does it take for you to bathe? 1 hour

38) What's your favorite season? I don't do well with heat

39) When do your emotions become intense? They don't

40) What are your hobbies? Muscle training

41) Do you cry easily? When I feel like it

42) Do you have a pet? What's it's name? I had one. It was a cat named Chaco

43) How many children do you want? I want two. A boy and a girl

44) What's the first thing you look at when entering a convenience store? The bento corner

45) What do you usually buy from a convenience store? Water and spicy ramen

46) What really makes you angry? Nothing much

47) What's the number one thing you want right now? Muscles! (laughs)

48) What have you been secretly interested in recently? The Korean language

49) What's the one thing you'd take to a deserted island? A lighter

50) How do you relax at home? Burn incense and listen to some records

51) What's necessary for world peace? Love

52) What do you wonder about? Why is there a Ladies Day, but not a Men's Day?

53) What would you do if the world ended today? I'd overdo things as usual

54) S? M? I wouldn't say I'm an M💦

55) What's your phone background? Currently it's King-Ohger (for the past 2 months)

56) What animal would you compare yourself to? Some kind of reptilian I guess

57) What are you into these days? Cilantro

58) What do you like to collect? Miniature food sets

59) What's your favorite scent? White musk types, Savon by SHIRO

60) What's something expensive that you bought recently? A vintage varsity jacket

61) How often do you go out shopping? At the very least I go out once a month

62) Can you cook? I do it often

63) What kind of present would you be happy to get from a friend? I'd be happy with anything

64) What would make a girl happy if you gave her a present? Aesop

65) What's your fetish? Legs

66) What would the ideal confession be? Saying it on the way back home after going out for meals a few times

67) At what age do you want to marry by? Hopefully by 40 (laughs)

68) What's something good you do for your body? I go to the gym

69) What's something you always have on you? Chapstick

70) What's the ideal spot for a date? A buffet

71) Which do you prefer? The sea or the mountains? Both the sea and mountains have alot of bugs

72) What scares you? Roller coasters, horror, cockroaches

73) When does your excitement rise? When my work goes well

74) What's your favorite place? Home

75) What's your favorite store? It's a secret ❤️

76) Are you a meat eater? Vegetarian? Are you a fan of cabbage rolls? I eat bugs

77) What's your favorite onigiri topping? Salmon roe

78) What do you usually get at a cafe? I don't go to cafes

79) What's something tasty you've eaten recently? The umeboshi Fukuyama-kun gave me

80) What have you been paranoid about recently? That a big earthquake will hit Tokyo

81) Where do you start washing your body from? My head

82) What's your favorite type of fashion? Things that give off an "American casual" feel

83) At what moment do you fall in love with someone? Sometimes it's not really apparent

84) What words make you happy to hear? "Your performance was good"

85) What's your favorite movie? Grave of the Fireflies

86) What person do you really want to meet right now? Ninagawa-san

87) What's something that's alittle luxurious? Sushi that doesn't come from a conveyor belt

88) How would you describe yourself with a single (kanji) character? "Think," because no matter what I do or say, I have alot to think about.

89) How long does it take you to get up in the morning and leave your house? On a work day it takes 20 minutes. I usually don't go out on my days off (laughs)

90) What changes your mood? When I'm left out

91) What would you consider (if they did) to be cheating on you? If they did a deep kiss (laughs)

92) Are you sensitive to the heat? To the cold? I don't like either

93) Emails or phone calls, which is better? Writing is best

94) What do you frequently use on your phone? Instagram, Twitter, Uber

95) How old were you when you first fell in love? What kind of person were they? It was a kid who lived in my neighborhood when I was in my second year of elementary school.

96) What gestures do women do that make you feel excited? When they put their hair behind one ear

97) Are you enjoying work right now? I want to have fun (laughs)

98) What's your favorite TV program? Programs that only feature comedians

99) What's your favorite sport? Soccer

100) What's your least favorite sport? Baseball

101) Are you the type of person who likes park rides that cause you to scream? I don't do well with them, but if I'm asked to ride one, I will (laughs)

102) Are you good at athletics? I think I'm a good at it

103) What do you take photos of? Tsukemen and sushi

104) What's your favorite flower? Gerbera

105) What's your favorite event of the year? It's New Year's Eve, I'll have a party with my friends and we'll eat alot

106) What's your top 3 favorite stalls at a festival? Beef skewers is #3, grilled squid is #2, okonomiyaki is #1

107) What was your most stressful experience? Performing on opening day for Shintokumaru

108) Your favorite donburi? Beef bowl

109) Are you good with your hands? I wonder~?

110) How long do you sleep in a day? About 3-7 hours. I sleep alot longer on days when I don't work

111) Is your sleeping position good? I think it's okay

112) What's your favorite ramen? I love tsukemen. I have a "cat's tongue" though

113) What color would you compare yourself to? Purple

114) Do you like scary stories? I don't like them in any way (laughs)

115) What subjects were you best at? Gym and art

116) What club activities were you involved in? The soccer club in middle school and the dance club in high school

117) If you were reborn, would you rather be male or female? I'd still want to be male

118) What part time jobs have you had? A bread factory, an Izakaya, a festival stall

119) What do you want to do when you're 40? Meet fans at events

120) What were your favorite school lunches? Nanbanzuke, meat sauce

121) Have you ever seen a ghost? I might've (laughs)

122) What's something you'd like to try that you've never experienced before? Travel overseas

123) Where would you like to take a trip to? Hot springs, Korea, Italy

124) What's your favorite ride at an amusement park? The exploration based ones

125) How many times in one day do you send emails? Currently, I exchange about 30-50 LINE's a day

126) Were you the type of person who finished their Summer homework early? I always felt like I was rushing to finish it at the last second💦

127) Are you more likely to arrive early for a meet up? Or do you arrive late? For work I'm early, in my private life I'm late

128) If you want to go out with someone, how many years older are you okay with? I've never thought about it in terms of age

129) What's an essential item you need when traveling? Earphones

130) What do you do when you can't sleep at night? There are so many things that I'll just give up. I actually thought about this questionnaire when I couldn't sleep (laughs)

131) What do you think about while brushing your teeth? I imagine that there's red paint on my teeth, and then I'll imagine how I have to get it off

132) If you only had one week left to live, what would you do? I'd eat a bunch of the foods I like. I'd meet up with the people I like as much as possible. I'd leave a secret audio farewell message for everyone

[karume-everything-else]

Whumptober 2023

Day 8: "Because I don't wanna hurt you." [Reader x Bowser] {Mario}

You lost count of the days you'd spent wandering the castle after marrying Bowser. As Peach's sibling, you had to go through with this for the sake of the peace treaty. All so the two kingdoms would finally know peace. Or so you thought... things were rather quiet.

It wasn't that big a deal to you. This wasn't something you thought you'd have to go through with, but it wasn't unpleasant. Just a little lonely.

Bowser seemed to be avoiding you. Separate beds, long dinner tables, and the idea that the two of you would ever be in the same room for anything but sleeping was all but a wild dream. It was driving you insane, if you were honest about it.

However, that meant sitting and looking out the window, sitting in the gardens, doing anything that had even the slimmest chance to distract you from the fact that your marriage was just something to say it happened. And it was effecting your sleep...

Bowser looked over at the sound of bedsprings. Watching silently as you walked out of the room. Something churned deep in his stomach, telling him to go after you. He tried to ignore it, turning his head back to the other side... trying his best to convince himself that you'd be back soon enough.

But that never happened...

"[Name]?" Bowser stood a good distance from the massive picture window, "Is everything okay?"

"So you know my name?"

He flinched at the cold monotone, "Of course I do. What's wrong? Can't sleep?"

"What's the difference between night and day?" You didn't move while you spoke, "Why does it matter when I sleep? It's not like there's anything for me to do anyways."

"Is that what this is about?" Bowser shifted uncomfortably, "I... there's a lot of things that you could..."

"That's not the point."

You turned so suddenly causing Bowser to step back. He wasn't entirely sure how to... what to do.

"I've just been existing here, it's no different from before." You stood, walking slowly toward Bowser, "Except now I'm not looking after my airhead of a sister while she forgets that she's the one who's supposed to be running the Mushroom Kingdom. Leaving me to clean up her messes, to take on the responsibilities she doesn't want. And now I'm here, married to someone who doesn't even stay in the same room with me for more than a few waking moments."

You stopped just shy of arm's length from Bowser, "So why does it matter that I don't sleep at night?"

"I... I didn't..." Bowser stepped back, scratching the back of his neck, "That hasn't... I'm not trying to avoid you. I just..."

Turning away in an attempt to hide your tears, you were blindsided by Bowser hugging you. It wasn't tight, but you wouldn't be able to wiggle free either.

"I'm sorry." Bowser's voice was low, somewhat husky, "I haven't been trying to hurt you. That's why I've been keeping my distance... because I don't want to hurt you. I never realized how it was affecting you... I was focused on your physical well-being. I'm sorry."

You stood there, head bowed as your hand rubbed the length of his arm. The conflicting emotions swilling, trapped in deep thought. There was no denying what Bowser was saying, you knew he was physically imposing. Especially with the spikes across his shell, his claws... his fangs. But you weren't so sure that you could forgive and forget... not quickly anyways.

It wasn't like he didn't have a point...

"Please, come back to bed?" He eased up just enough to allow you to move, "I... I'll get a larger bed once the sun comes up. At least start... trying to not be so distant..."

You could only nod, letting him lead you back to your room. This would be a number of adjustments...

[kepnerandavery]

My favourite quotes from On the Way to the Wedding..

1. “It was only a matter of time before he, too, found the woman of his dreams and settled down to be fruitful, multiply, and take on such baffling hobbies as papier-mâché and the collection of nutmeg graters.���

Nutmeg Graters?? I can’t 😂

2. “Where is the scintillating Lord Bridgerton?” he asked. “Oh, somewhere. I don’t know. We’ll find each other at the end of the day, that is all that matters.”

This book is every Kanthony stan’s dream follow-up to TVWLM 😭 I love that we got little glimpses into their marriage to see how they've evolved as a couple and people.

3. “She was without artifice, the sort of girl a man could trust. Rather like his sisters, he supposed, with a keen wit and a sharp sense of humor. Lucy Abernathy would never inspire poetry, but she would make a very fine friend.”

Bahahaha. Did he just friendzone her in his head? 😂

4. “It was nothing. She was nothing. No, that was not fair. She was something. Quite a bit, actually. But not for him.”

Ohhh Gregory! My poor, sweet, innocent, naive Gregory 🤣

5. “Lord Fennsworth took one look at the duo (more at one than the other, and suffice it to say that blood was not thicker than unrequited love), and he murmured, “Friday it is.”

Props to Gregory for being perceptive about someone’s feelings, if not his own 😂

6. “At least she seemed rather more like herself. The world seemed a bit steadier with Lucy Abernathy yipping along like a terrier. He’d felt almost off-balance when she’d been staring morosely at the trees.”

Signals!! He’s missing all of the darn signals. How?? 🙆‍♀️

7. “Auctioning your friend off to the highest bidder. You’ll be well-practiced by the time you have a daughter.” She jumped to her feet, her eyes flashing with anger and indignation. “That is a terrible thing to say. My most important consideration has always been Hermione’s happiness. And if she can be made happy by an earl . . . who happens to be my brother . . .” Oh, brilliant. Now she was going to try to match Hermione with Fennsworth. Well done, Gregory. Well done, indeed.”

Hahaha, Lucy is too nice for her own good. And Gregory just keeps making things worse for himself at every given opportunity 😂

8. “Didn’t you wish for time for yourself?” she asked, softly . . . so softly it was almost a whisper. Slowly, he shook his head. “I did,” he said, sounding as if the words were coming to him at that very moment, as if the thought itself was new and not quite what he had expected. “I did,” he said again, “but now I don’t.”

My heart 🥺 💕

9. “She later told Gregory that he had still not forgiven her for costuming him as Cupid at the Billington fancy dress ball the previous year.”

I will so pissed if I don't get to see Anthony dressed up as Cupid on the show. I simply must see it 🤣

10. “Surely she would not come over an hour late. If nothing else, Lady Lucinda would not have tolerated it. She was clearly a punctual sort. In a good way.As opposed to an insufferable, nagging way. He smiled to himself. She wasn’t like that.”

Omg, someone needs to hit him in the head!!! How is he missing this? 😫

11. “What happened to you? Are you all right? Did someone—” His grip loosened slightly as he looked frantically around. “Who did this?” he demanded. “Who made you—”

You’re a little too concerned about her safety, aren’t you, Gregory?? 😂

12. “And I didn’t have my mask, which made me stick out a bit.” “Like a mushroom?” “Like a—?” He looked at her dress and nodded at the color. “A blue mushroom.”

Trust him to be even cuter when he's drunk 🥺

13. “I will walk you to the stairs, then.” Lucy knew better than to argue. He would not relent. His voice was quiet, but it had an edge she wasn’t quite certain she’d heard there before. “And I will remain there until you reach your room.” “That’s not necessary.” He ignored her. “Knock three times when you do so.” “I’m not going to—” “If I don’t hear your knock, I will come upstairs and personally assure myself of your welfare.”

Omg. He's sooo cute 🥰

14. “I’m not, he thought, and he realized that it was true. He had a sudden flash of his life married to Hermione Watson, and he was.. Bored. Good God, how was it he was only just now realizing it? He and Miss Watson were not suited at all, and in truth, he had made a narrow escape.”

"A narrow escape" haha 🤣 🤣 At least he realized it rather quickly. Granted, his brothers have set the bar quite low when it comes to life-altering realizations lol

15. “And Anthony was worse. He didn’t even have to say anything. His mere presence was usually enough to make Gregory feel that he was somehow not living up to the family name. It was difficult to make one’s way in the world with the mighty Lord Bridgerton constantly looking over one’s shoulder. As far as Gregory could determine, his eldest brother had never made a mistake in his life.”

Oh, if only he knew.. Looks like Anthony hid his devilry from the younger siblings quite well. Props to Benedict and Colin for covering for him 😂

16. “The way she was looking at him, her hand on his arm. She’d been clutching him, and for a moment it had almost felt like she needed him. He could be her rock, her center. He had never been anyone’s center.”

Awwww 🥺

17. “She turned. She turned, and she saw him. Her eyes widened, and her lips parted, and it hit him squarely in the chest—It was good to see her.”

I would have found this so romantic if I wasn't so mad at him at this point 🥲

18. “He simply liked Lucy. Considered her a friend. And he wished for her to have a bit of fun. It was admirable, really.

Haha, sure Jan 🙄 It totally doesn't seem like you're in love with her. No one goes so out of their way to help friends. He would've never gone to Violet if she wasn't so special to him 🥺

19. “Anthony is exceedingly generous,” Gregory said quietly. “Yes, he is, isn’t he?” Violet said, smiling. “With his money and his time. He is quite like your father in this way.” She looked at him with wistful eyes. “I am so sorry you never knew him.” “Anthony was a good father to me.” Gregory said it because he knew it would bring her joy, but he also said it because it was true.”

My heart.. Anthony was so worried about living up to their father, and yet he has managed to fulfill all of his duties to perfection. Edmund would be so proud of him 😭

20. “I know what it means to work for something,” he said in a quiet voice.”

He's got so hurt by her implication.. And when Gregory is hurt, I'm hurt. It's a simple law now 😫

21. “I have found that most men do not notice anything that is not clearly spelled out, anyway.” “Even your sons.” “Especially my sons.”

Haha It's a universal truth 😂

22. “And then she saw him. Lucy saw him. He saw it first in her eyes, which widened and sparkled, and then in the curve of her lips. She smiled. For him. It filled him. To near bursting, it filled him. It was just one smile, but it was all he needed.”

Sighhhhhh 🥰

23. “His fingers gripped hers when they should have just brushed by. She looked up and saw that he was gazing at her. ”

Ohhh... How scandalous lol 😏

24. “Hyacinth regarded her with a delighted smile. “I like you,” she said slowly, as if she were deciding upon it right then and there. “You are wrong, of course, but I like you, anyway.” She turned to her brother. “I like her.”

Hyacinth literally showed up out of nowhere towards the end of the book and stole the show 😂

25. “He and Lucinda Abernathy were meant to be husband and wife. Hers was the face he was supposed to gaze upon over eggs and bacon and kippers and cod and toast every morning. A snort of laughter pressed through his nose, but it was that nervous, desperate kind of laughter, the sound one made when the only alternative was to cry. Lucy had to marry him, if only so that they could eat masses and masses of food together every morning.”

And the most endearing Bridgerton sibling award goes to... 🥰

26. “Her eyes glistened as they met his. In the dim light of the night, they looked a dark, dark gray, and achingly sad. He could imagine the entire world there, in the depths of her gaze. Everything he needed to know, everything he might ever need to know—it was there, within her.”

My man is soo wrecked in the best way possible 🥺

27. “Let me kiss you,” he whispered. “One more time. Let me kiss you one more time, and if you tell me to go, I swear that I will.”

The respect!!! No wonder Lucy fell in love with him so quickly 😭

28. “The night seemed to dance, sparkling and tingling, as if the air itself understood that nothing would ever be the same. Dawn was waiting on the other side of the horizon, and already the stars were beginning to look less bright in the sky. If he could have frozen time, he would have done so. Never had he experienced a single moment that was so magical, so.. full. Everything was there, everything that was good and honest and true. And he finally understood the difference between happiness and contentment, and how lucky and blessed he was to feel both, in such breathtaking quantities.”

Awwww! Happiness is seeing your favourite fictional men so utterly and hopeless in love 😭

29. “It was simply impossible to enjoy one of nature’s small miracles and not kiss her.”

Why is he soo cute??? 🥺

30. “I have sworn in my heart to protect you,” he said, his voice passionate and fierce and maybe even a little bit revelatory. Because today, he realized, was the day he truly became a man. After twenty-six years of an amiable and, yes, aimless existence, he had finally found his purpose. He finally knew why he had been born. “I have sworn it in my heart,” he said, “and I will swear it before God just as soon as we are able. And it is like acid in my chest to leave you alone.”

She's so darn lucky. She wasn't even looking for love and somehow found the best of the best 🥰

31. “Gregory had told Colin everything, even down to the events of the night before. He did not like telling tales of Lucy, but one really could not ask one’s brother to sit in a tree for hours without explaining why.”

What are brothers for, if not to sit in trees for hours in front of their sibling's girlfriend's houses? 😂

32. “Listen to me. I love you.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I love you,” he said again. “There is nothing in this world or the next that could ever make me stop loving you.”

Oh my god, whenever he told her he loved her an year was added to my life.. It's so damn adorable 🥲

33. “He would try with everything he had to make sure that they both came through this alive and unhurt, but if there was a choice—if only one of them was to walk out the door.. It would be Lucy.”

Chivalry at its finest 😭

34. “Nine children. Nine. It was only one less than ten. Which possessed two digits. If he did this again, he would be in the double-digits of fatherhood.”

Haha, Lucy wanted a large family, and Greg certainly didn't disappoint lol 😂

[saturnine-saturneight]

Here Comes the Sun

Being that I'm now on hiatus from posting Reburial to work on Act 2, it feels weird not to post anything on Sundays at all, so I'm going to try and keep up the posts with behind the scenes and other material that I already have lying around. Hope you all have fun it.

To kick that off, I thought I'd post the very first version of Chapter 5 :) I wrote this 8 years ago now, in 2016. This and the other short drabbles I wrote back then have been the basis for countless drafts and rewrites, but this chapter specifically is close to my heart because it was the very first one. A lot of it is very different, and some things stayed very much the same. I think it's a very fun comparison.

If you'd like to read this, I would suggest you read at least up to Chapter 5 first. Consider this heavy spoilers, it covers the same ground. All content warnings that apply to the most recent version of Reburial apply to this as well.

1.

You spot the first mushroom while washing yourself in the bathroom of a fast food chain—brightly colored plastic chairs, the queen's face plastered everywhere, glory to the Empire—and Ron dashes into the room so fast he almost slips on a puddle of cheap hand soap. 

He asks you why you screamed, your face in both of his hands; so you show him the memento you got from Cherie, a small, bright blue patch on your tan skin right where your first rib starts. The two of you more cling to each other than you hug, and then you both take antifungals at opposite sides of the grody bathroom and try to work out a plan of action.

“I didn’t think this would happen”, you say around the small white pill under your tongue. You want him close again, but you sit on your hands instead. “I never would’ve done this if I knew. You know that, right? That I didn’t know?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah”, he tells you and rubs his hand over his head, “calm the fuck down, I know you didn’t go spore fishing on purpose.” Then he stares at a suspicious puddle on the tiles between you. “Fuck, though." 

"Yeah”, you admit, “Fuck.”

2.

The next one pops up as you’re unloading boxes from a van you stole, trinkets and tidbits and two pounds of liquor, and when you heave the last box up the steps that lead to your customer's house and go to wipe the sweat from your forehead, there’s a bright blue patch on the back of your hand. You scream again until you cry, and don’t stop until Ron soothes you down from it (he never holds your face like that) and you can barely see him through all the tears. He tells you it’s going to be okay, but wears a mask around you from then on. 

He’s scared, you think, but you’re not sure if it’s for you or for himself.

At least it’s quiet for a while after that. The mushrooms don’t go away, but neither do your flowers, and you regularly make sure that they’re still there, push them upright, pick the dirt off them. You have to count your blessings after all.

3, 4, 5.

The third mushroom brings a friend, two cerulean blue fans that bloom up from your torso, right where your binder starts. They itch, but not as much as the fifth one that follows two nights later. It turns out that scratching them off doesn’t do anything.

Your best friend hasn’t touched you since you last shared a bed, almost two weeks that you’re really not trying to count—eleven nights, exactly eleven—when usually, you’re almost always in some kind of contact, feet in his lap or head on your shoulder or wrestling him in the dust. It’s good that he’s staying away. He split the antifungals up for you right before he split up the rest of your belongings, his side and yours, and that’s good too. You can’t actually see his face now, but the crease between his brows reads terror. That’s not so good.

6, 7, 8, 9—

After that, it all comes in waves. First more mushrooms, sprouting up in a big, technicolor patch right under your sternum, one all the way up your arm, a few single ones on your forehead and your cheek (Cherie’s still burns cold against yours), all as blue as the sky on the worst days. They leave your beautiful blossoms wilted and brown and you cry some more. Ron starts chewing his nails again.

Then comes the fever, bright and hot (like the sun? No, like a fire, or—like something that’s hot), and you’re almost grateful because it makes you forget yourself so much that you barely even notice that you can’t bind anymore.  

Next comes the thirst. You don’t have a metaphor for that one, all you know is that you could drink the sea if Ron let you. His face reads something milder now. Worry again, maybe. (He’s not giving up on you, is he?)

End.

What really knocks you out is the hunger, though; two, maybe three nights after the thirst sets in. Your legs go weak under you, your stomach is hollow, even the crusted up red you left in your wake before Ron made you trim your nails is starting to look appetizing, even if you’re vaguely aware of how disgusting that is. He feeds you jerky, beans, and canned fruit, but it’s just not enough.

There’s nothing on his face now, nothing in his body language. You know this boy like the back of your hand—bright blue patches not included—and you can read him like a book. He’s going to leave you. Of course he is, no normal person would ever love a zombie.

So the next time the moons go down, you don’t sleep. It’s not like you would want to miss a single ray of sun anyways, but this time, you won’t lie down in the grass.

He sleeps in the dark in your backup tent, curled around his dog, hood pulled over his eyes. There’s fine, brown fur all over his clothes when you come closer, and when you crouch over him you see that his hair has gotten way too long. 

You’ve barely reached out to brush your fingers through it when something stops you mid-motion—he’s awake. “Nat?” Then, again, “Natalie?!” It’s way too loud for such a beautiful day, such a bright day, such a—you find that your mouth works in vain when you want to express that, so instead, you growl. He calls for you again, turns his head towards your tent—he thinks he’s hallucinating, so, like the good friend that you are, you show him that he’s not.

You aimed for his throat, but caught an arm instead, you discover when your teeth hit his ulna with a satisfyingly wet crunch—or his radial bone? In any case, you get a mouthful of blood. You just want to bite down again to make short shrift of this one when you discover that he has a second arm, the faithless friend, the fucking traitor—the dart in your neck won’t budge. Fuck him for looking so clueless while carrying elephant-grade tranquilizer with him. Fuck him and fuck his crocodile tears. 

Your jaw goes slack almost instantly, but at least you get a second bite in. On a shoulder, you note, hazy but not unhappy, before the world tilts and you go down hard.

Hi Reburial taglist 👋

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