#it's an EXPERIENCE stop taking away from it

[summertimesadnessirl]

I don't want that.

I want to be loved by someone who would never hurt me. Even if it means they don't get to act on their love as much as they want.

I don't want to be loved unless it's by someone who wants me to be happy more than they want to satisfy their own desires for me or to be around me or however you want to put it.

Everyone always loves me with reckless abandon but the reckless abandon always includes total disregard for my happiness or well being. Everyone who has loved me my entire life has seen me as the perfect thing to squash into the shape of the hole inside them. Whenever someone had loved me it's been like a drug addict or a cult leader.

I don't want to be loved at all.

I want all the relationships in my life to be explicitly transactional with written expectations of both side of the arrangement and consent and a way for both parties to leave with no negative financial or social repercussions on either side and no promises made that no one intends to keep or negging or gaslighting or manipulation.

Just honest fucking. Honest employment with no company culture or brainwashing. Honest friendship that consists of company.

I'm tired of getting smashed up by people and them claiming it's love.

I'm tired of people nurturing me and then taking away the things they helped me with if it means I'm less dependent on them.

I never liked being told how to dress and what to wear and what I was allowed to dislike and not allowed to say no to.

I sort of wish I was a tree so the only things I needed were sunlight and rain and being left alone. Being a pack animal is like constantly being told you're wrong and you owe it to other people to stop being yourself and you don't matter.

I want my life to be about me. Not in a way where I want to take other people's lives away from them. But I don't want to be loved because my experience of love is that it's when someone comes along and punishes you and tells you how evil and selfish you are for wanting to do anything that makes you happy except for them.

you deserve to be loved with reckless abandon even if you dont think you do

[olderthannetfic]

I mean, I do feel like if someone was traumatized by their religious upbringing, helping them to recognize that as a bad thing and helping them to be free of it is arguably the right move? Yeah just telling them “god isn’t real, get over it” is most likely insensitive but arguably freeing them of their self hating beliefs is the ideal outcome?

--

Man... I was raised to despise religion, but a steady diet of nerdy youtube and really weirdly anti-intellectual takes on tumblr has forced me into repeatedly defending religion. I did not ask for this, but here we are.

Personally, I find most religion kind of dumb, but it is a key part of a great portion of humanity's search for meaning. It's the backbone of so many cultures in so many places and times. Knowing about it is useful for everything from being more politically informed to making up better fantasy world building in fiction.

When a person has religious trauma because they were told that their religion, in this context probably Christianity, hates them, telling them to ditch religion is like telling them they're not allowed to ever have a birthday party again because their abusive parents did something awful at their past ones. Ah yes, cut yourself off from major celebrations and cultural experiences, not to mention community. That's sure to fix things!

It would be far more effective at 1. making them feel better and 2. making them stop adhering to a shitty religion if we introduced them to better religion.

The history of Christianity is one of the most studied subjects on the fucking planet. There are a multitude of progressive scholars who have explored things like how the early church very possibly had major female figures that later asswipes tried to downplay and cover up. I think Religion for Breakfast has some interesting videos that at least touch on this.

There's a whole complex conversation to be had both about how the early church actually handled same-sex relationships and about why a given prescription is even in there from an anthropological perspective. Take the pork thing: it's probably about taxes. Some of the others are about differentiation from nearby groups at the time. Understanding the historical cultural context helps dismantle the idea that this or that specific prescription is a vital core part of the religion that must remain unchanging thousands of years later.

"A true Christian wouldn't have abused their gay kid" is a far better message than "Give up everything you know", and it has plenty of support from scholars who are deeply religious but not dumbass textual literalists who can't grasp that even if a holy text were the word of god, English language edition such-and-such is subject to human interference in the form of All Your Base-level translators.

If Christianity or whatever religion is the issue is a no go due to the traumatized person's past experiences, plenty of people would still be happier finding a different religion than going without.

I really, really cannot emphasize this enough: Religion is a key part of many people's lives the same way, say, sex is.

A lot of people around here seem to fundamentally not get this in the same way that you see people who haven't realized how ace they are going "But whyyyyy?" over the central role that horny plays in somebody else's life. You don't gotta get it, my dudes. Doesn't mean it's going away.

Even just understanding the parameters of what counts as religion and all the different flavors that exist out there will help put the trauma into context for many people. Your asshole parents are in a cult not because all religion is lies but because this Christianity has been perverted into a vehicle for abuse. Other religious people like the scientific method, research, logic, and evidence. It's just your church that's atrocious.

Shitty religion leads to self hate.

You can pick another religion.

[ghost-proofbaby]

thinking about Eddie being so eager to kiss you all the time and he just gets a little too excited sometimes a little too rough and you bump into something and he cradles you while you giggle cause he can't stop smiling into his kisses

And sure maybe it's a little awkward and teeth knock against each other and he catches your lip in his teeth a little too hard but it's okay cause you're deliriously happy

And it's not about getting to the sex (not all the time anyways) but he's just so happy to have found a safe place to land and he's enthusiastic that he found someone who wants to kiss him just as much as he wants to kiss you

And this time he's not too much and his feelings aren't too big and he doesn't need to tone it down cause you're his person and he's yours

Okay bye ily

mouse. mouse get the fuck back here. MOUSE DONT LEAVE ME LIKE THIS

he's just so happy to have a safe place to land and this time he's not too much and his feelings aren't too big were daggers straight to my heart you come back here right now before i actually bleed out from needing this man so badly.

no but thats exactly it. eddie has spent so long jumping and toeing that line of either trying to cram himself into this bite-sized shape for the ones around him, and just exploding and pretending he doesn't give a fuck that he will never fit into anyone's cup of tea so he'll just make himself even larger, that when you enter his life he just doesnt know what to do about it.

because he starts with his regular tricks of being so over the top, so unbearable, and all you're doing is laughing and entertaining his antics. even playing along at times. and so he retracts a little, turning back into a quiet boy who will shrivel up until he's invisible or easy to love (whichever comes first). but then that doesn't work - and to be truthful, he doesn't even know what his mind's end goal is here because why is he trying to push you away so desperately? - and he's just at a loss. you want him on the thundering days, where he makes his grey clouds everyone's problem and all his lightning is blinding and sporadic. you want him on the quiet days, where the downpour is no longer a roar but a soft drizzle, a bit more silent and a bit more bearable but still there. and he can't tell if it's a joke - he can't decipher if your kisses amidst his rambles are sincere, if you're actually smiling at his jokes because you like him or you're too polite to break his heart. he can't see through those gentle hands you use to caress back his wild hair to be sure that the softest of touches are really just you, or some strange gloves of care that you're only simply wearing for now.

and then one morning, he wakes up, and you're still there, awake before he is and just watching him with so much love. feather-light fingers taking their time tracing over his tattoo on his chest and arms, not noticing he's awake yet as you smile so serenely at him. you're looking at him in a way that he's never really gotten to experience so vulnerably before - like he isn't a nuisance, isn't a mistake. like the universe has so intentionally dropped him into your palms, and you're so aware of how delicate he can be below the surface. and he just breaks.

"i love you"

he'd blurt it out, the first time he's ever said those words to you. it almost feels like the first time he's said those words, period.

he's said them to wayne, in their own way, both a bit stiff in expressing affection and skirting around those words whenever they can for a simply ruffle of hair or unexpected side hugs. he'd said them to his mom, a young boy with shining eyes despite it all, looking at her like she was the world because she was his world.

and... well. that's it. he can count the number of times he's said those words on one hand, and now he's said them to you, and all he can hope is you handle them with as much care as you've handled him.

he hopes you can feel the weight of his heart pressing down on them.

and he thinks you do, when you startle a little, looking up to his lips where those rough words had just fallen from in a cracking tone, and you take your time in awarding him with a smile that could save lives. cure cancer, cure sadness, cure the end of the world even. every cliche possible.

"yeah?" you'd whisper back, and his heart skips a beat, terrified that the next words you say won't be what he needs to hear so desperately. but they are. because of course they are. you wouldn't have been watching him sleep in that way if they hadn't been on the tip of your tongue, "i love you."

not a crash landing, but a soft-padded decent. a slow fall with a cushion to prevent broken bones and more invisible scars.

he kisses you then the way he was going to kiss you every day going forward: pushing forward recklessly, teeth and noses bumping a little, smiles making it nearly impossible. he kisses you like he's coming home after a long day, because he is.

he's home. no boxes in sight to fit into, no cups that'll overflow from all the fizzling feelings pouring out of his chest. you've got him, and he's got you.

[wstviewvidal]

fever- w. maximoff

pairing: wanda maximoff x r

summary: soft fluff with sick wanda

a/n: i think this was written in december. (don’t like this but also maybe by posting it ill be able to do more things?) trying to get out of my funk lolz

minors do not interact

you give wanda a sideways glance as she coughs into her elbow, burrowed under her blanket, “i told you to wear your jacket on that trip.”

rolling her eyes, she adjusts how she’s laying on the couch, her legs draped over your lap, “it’s germs that get people sick, not the cold,” she mumbles into the blanket that’s covering her face.

“uh huh, and how’s that working out for you?” you tease as you cover her legs with another blanket.

wanda was recently invited to a panel to speak about her experience working in the avengers. of course, being the workaholic that she is, she did not think twice about booking a plane ticket out to the upper east side.

unfortunately, being in a cold climate with countless people stuffed into a closed off space only meant it was a matter of time before someone came down with a cold. even worse, it happened to be wanda— your wanda. the workaholic in her is now paying the price.

and, boy, are you realizing how hardheaded she is when she gets sick.

“you didn’t have to come over, you know,” she says as you can hear the congestion in her voice, “i’m just going to take some medicine and go to sleep.”

wanda can be independent to a fault.

when you’d called her this morning to ask if she’d like to get breakfast, you could immediately hear the stuffiness in her nose. she didn’t even get half way through her response before you bombarded her with questions like, “are you sick?” “did you seriously not wear the clothes i told you to? i helped you pack, wanda,” and, “you don’t even have actual medicine at home, don’t you?”

she tried her best to ease your worries over the phone, but you were at her doorstep no less than an hour later with grocery bags in hand.

you rub her leg as it lays over your own, “i know i didn’t have to, but i wanted to make sure you were taken care of,” you say softly as you watch her burrow into the knitted blanket.

even though wanda preferred to deal with her things on her own, she’d always imagined what it’d be like to have someone to share these experiences with— to be cared for. that was something she’d kept buried deep inside, afraid it was a childish hope.

at the sound of you saying you want to take care of her, she felt her stomach flutter. her lips curled into a bashful smile as she tried her best to hide it. her cheeks turned a dark hue of pink— not from her fever, but from your words.

you didn’t see her reaction, you were too busy watching the show while absentmindedly rubbing her leg in a soothing matter. wanda watched you with a glint in her eye, taking in your gestures.

you turn to look at her, “i’m gonna make you some soup, okay?”

wanda knew it was a losing game to try to stop you, so she nodded and moved her legs to allow you the room to get up.

she laid in the couch, cocooned in blankets while you prepared a dinner for the two of you to eat together.

you walk back after a while with two bowls in hand. you place both on the coffee table in front of the couch.

you move to stand in front of the laying woman, hands on your hips as you assess how her nose is red and her eyes are glossy, “how are you feeling?”

wanda looks up at you with big eyes, shrugging, “the same.”

you nod and help her sit up, “i know, baby, i’m sorry,” you pout softly as you brush away hair from her face. your voice is gentle and warm as crouch in front of her as you fix the blanket she has wrapped around her body.

you touch her so delicately that it makes wanda’s heart swell— then she realizes what you said. she stares up at you with wide eyes, a subtle smile on her face. you don’t notice the giddy look on her face, you’re too busy fussing over her comfort on the couch.

wanda wants to say something smug but the way you’re holding out a spoon for her to eat tells her that you don’t have it in you to make a humorous conversation.

she takes the spoon from you, “you’re spoiling me,” she murmurs.

you settle beside her on the couch, soup in hand, “you deserve it.

you two are sat in a a peaceful silence, cautious glances thrown in wanda’s direction to assess how she’s feeling— she’s loving it, but can’t help but feel a lingering feeling that she could be burdening you.

slowly, she turns to look at you, “why are you being so sweet to me?”

her voice is filled with nerves, and you immediately notice this is hardly the confident woman you first met— instead, this is someone who’s allowing herself to be vulnerable with you.

you look at her, your head tilted in confusion, “what do you mean?”

there is a small crease in between your eyebrows as you look at her, unsure as to why she’s asking such a question.

watching the way your fingers massage her forearm that is laid on your lap, her voice is small as she speaks, “you took the time to come take care of me. you should be at home right now.”

her eyes don’t meet yours and you can see how her ears have turned red from embarrassment. a frown pulls at your lips as you brush back hair from her face.

there’s a brief moment of silence between the two of you and it makes wanda wish she hadn’t said anything.

you breathe in slowly, as if preparing yourself for your next words, “because i care for you, and knowing that you’re okay will always be my biggest priority.”

wanda’s lips purse slightly and you notice the way she licks her lips to prepare to respond to you.

but you don’t allow her to speak— you know she will only down play your words.

you squeeze her hand lightly to get her attention, “i’m not an avenger, you know? i can’t be out there with you on missions to protect you from bad guys. however, i am here where i can at least take care of you when you’re sick. i love you, wanda, and ill spend the rest of my life showing you that if you’ll allow me to.”

your voice is laced with emotion as too speak to her— and the words weave their way into wanda’s heart.

slowly, she looks up and into your eyes, a nervous smile tugging on her lips, “you mean that?”

you chuckle softly, your thumb rubbing the back of her hand as you hold it, “of course.”

wanda’s smile never faltered as she laid in your arms. her mind replayed the moment you saying you want to take care of her for the rest of your life and she knew it would be engraved into her memory.

[dominateeye]

I'm not a parent, but I was a kid growing up just as smartphones were starting to hit the market. I got my first computer at age 8 or so (beige box, Windows XP, no Internet until I was 10), I had an iPod Touch as my only personal mobile device from 11 until I got my own laptop around age 12, then I got my first real smartphone in my freshman year of high school at age 15. My parents were rather permissive with technology; I really only had bedtime to keep up with, and we never had any Internet content filtering at our house. They cared about what I was doing, though, and would ask me questions, and I knew if I saw or did anything I felt uncomfortable with online, I could talk to them about it without fearing having my devices taken away. This wasn't a 100% safe upbringing, but then, no upbringing is.

I think the best thing my parents did was slowly introduce new kinds of technology to me, allowing me to comprehend what computers can do without Internet first, then introducing Internet on a computer, then the mobile experience without total connectivity, then a fully connected mobile environment. They and my school also heavily encouraged reading, so I learned to develop an interest in technology as a niche rather than having it become the background to life. I don't know exactly how much of that was planned ahead of time versus just how history progressed, and we grew up solidly middle class with my mom being stay-at-home, which undoubtedly gave my parents more options that many parents didn't and don't have.

My plan for if I become a parent has always been to give my kids an understanding of consent (so that if they come across an age gate, they're more likely to respect that they're being asked to stay out and do so) and the same access to the Internet and media that I had; let them decide where their interests are, and anything that looks too much for their age, try out with them so I can understand how it's impacting them and help them acclimate to it or stop them from consuming it (ideally by asking them to do so and explaining why I don't like it for them). I think this post has added a layer to that, though, in terms of intentionally taking my kids through steps of what technology they learn to use. It's training, like learning to drive a car; taking time to master basic concepts makes more advanced concepts easier to grasp and engage with safely, and having an involved instructor makes the learning process easier and more thorough.

I don't know how time-consuming and expensive that process would be, so I could understand parents having to skip steps or not being able to be as present as they'd like, but I think it's a good ideal approach to strive for.

no offense but there is almost nothing in the world more shameful to me than letting your child be an ipad baby. I'm not saying parents don't have it hard, but I personally could not live with myself if I purposefully let my child get addicted to the technological equivalent of black tar heroin just because I'm too fucking tired to parent. literacy rates are at a record low right now -- partially because schools removed phonics from their curricula, yes, but also because fewer and fewer parents read to their children or encourage them to pick up a fucking book. you are allowing your child to emotionally and intellectually stunt themselves, and for what? I'm not saying kids shouldn't have any access to television or computers (they should, although particularly for computers I'd encourage one stationary PC in a computer room like we had in the 90's and 2000's), but no, your child should not have unsupervised, unlimited, unadulterated access to everything the web has to offer at the tender age of 6. or give them some age appropriate video games for god's sake. mario or spyro or SOMETHING. something other than tiktok and youtube. call me crazy for thinking that that's shit parenting. not to mention that by only giving them access to ipads and iphones that they don't know how to work actual computers anymore (go on, ask your 12 year old to open and save a file folder on your desktop, I dare you). a generation of shitty parents who have raised emotionally stunted low-attention-span illiterate incurious apathetic children who will very soon become an entire generation of illiterate incurious apathetic voters and consumers. that's another thing, too -- your children are constantly being advertised to and are being groomed to be relentless and uncritical consumers. your children are being preyed upon on multiple levels and you don't fucking care!! easier to call people giving you warnings "prudes" and "boomers" than actually think critically about your child and their future.

look I know parenting is hard. Unfortunately for you, your child didn't ask to be born, and it is nonetheless YOUR responsibility to raise them well and give them every fucking opportunity you can. and I am watching millions and millions of parents who could not give less of a fuck that they are actually materially disadvantaging their own children. im sick to my stomach for real.

[bitchy-craft]

PICK A CARD: What you need to work on (it can hurt a little)

Hello and welcome to this new reading! I will tell you what you need to work on. I hope you all enjoy it!

Masterpost > Paid Readings > Patreon Masterlist

The extended version of this reading can be found on my patreon, the link of which is here

                     pick a card

Pile 1:

You need to find balance in your emotions, you need to know and figure out what is good for you, and what you want. And the moment you do know, make sure you do it, even if it hurts, even if you are scared of the outcome. You need to get a hold of your true wishes, your true beliefs and thoughts, and take the control you wish to have. Leave those insecurities, and those fears behind, get through them, and think about your true wish, even if it hurts.

It’s hard to look back at what you’ve been through, the happy moments, the sad and conflicting moments. It’s hard to realise that these good things must come to an end, and hurt is okay to have, you are allowed to feel and acknowledge that hurt, you need to accept it be able to work on it and grow through it.

Extended reading

Pile 2:

Be happy with the little things. You can’t be happy with little progress, because the greater goal hasn’t been accomplished. I wouldn’t be surprised if you sometimes have progress but it still makes you frustrated because it wasn’t the full thing that you wished for.

Learn to realise that little progress can and must be celebrated too, you’re allowed to be proud of yourself for the little things, even if you get disappointed by it. You need to learn to leave those disappointed thoughts behind, accept them and move on. You can be happy and relieved while being disappointed that you didn’t fully succeed. But those little things, those little things are worth celebrating, they can help you gain more confidence and believe as long as you let them, they can make you stronger.

Extended reading

Pile 3:

Don’t just sit around and do nothing while waiting for the luck of the draw. If you want to accomplish something, then go do it. The universe won’t bend for you, you must bend the universe yourself. Don’t think your success will come from nowhere, don’t think the journey to this success will be easy without any obstacles. Every journey has obstacles, and every journey has moments where you want to quit and not continue.

If you want something, go do it. Just because something small happened that you didn’t want to happen, which made you disappointed, it doesn’t mean you should give up. Do not give up and believe the whole universe is against you. Of course, not a single journey is the same, but that doesn’t mean your journey should come easy to you, nor does it mean it should come hard to you. Every journey also teaches you something, and maybe for you, this journey wants to teach you that you must work hard and continue even though certain moments suck.

Extended reading

Pile 4:

You are not better than anyone else, so please stop trying to act like you are. Even if you are not aware of the fact that you act like that, you do. Please watch your words because a lot of things happening around you are just a roll of the dice. If something good happens you’re lucky, and if something bad happens it was just something that would happen one way or another.

Being confident in your knowledge is good, but don’t make yourself believe you know so much, because you don’t. Don’t put your insecurities so far away that your way of coping becomes a burden for others. You can be insecure yet have knowledge, you don’t need to be over-confident with it. And even if you are not confident, don’t try to mask it off. You need to learn how to balance these things. You do not know how much you don’t know, and as you grow older and experience more and more you will realise that you will never know a lot; because there is too much out there to know for your knowledge to be ever considered a lot.

Extended reading

Pile 5:

Go for it, don’t wait around and be scared, do it. It is good that you think about possible dangers and the wish to do it correctly, but over-thinking is also something that exists, and it’s not good. Don’t sit and imagine everything, being able to control everything, if you want it to happen you must do it. Get a grasp of that wish, stand in confidence and become the person you’ve always wanted to become, do the thing you’ve always wanted.

You are insecure, and being insecure is okay, but just because you are insecure it doesn’t mean everything and everyone should handle you with care. Everyone should be treated the same, which includes you. Do you want to do this? Well, it’s a tough world, get ready for it. Don’t be scared and wait around doing nothing, do it or don’t, in the end, you’ll know what you want.

Extended reading

[casdeans-pie]

The ending credits of Jurassic Park roll up the screen, accompanied with the iconic theme music, and Dean presses pause. It bothers him that the whole running away from murderous creatures with sharp teeth thing got to him so much - this used to be a movie he loved. Now he just feels kind of... weird.

"Sometimes I still think I'm gonna see the slashes from the hellhounds," Dean confesses quietly, touching a hand to his stomach. "Is that weird?"

Cas shakes his head slowly. "Not at all. I imagine it must have been a highly traumatic experience. It's not surprising it left scars." His expression softens. "Though I am glad I could remove the physical scars when I rebuilt your body."

"You and me both, buddy." Dean reaches over the gap between their chairs and claps a hand on Cas's shoulder. He rests it there for longer than he intends to, before he pulls it back slowly. He should say something to change the subject, but instead he hesitates and finally says, even quieter than before, "I wish I could take your scars away too."

"I don't... have any scars," Cas says, eyebrows furrowed. "I've healed all of my injuries."

"On your body, yeah. But I mean" - Dean gestures broadly at the space behind Cas's shoulders - "on the rest of you."

Cas's whole body goes still. It looks like he even stops breathing. "You can..."

"Yeah."

Cas closes his eyes as if in pain. "How long..."

"Let's just say it's been a long time."

"I see. I'm sorry you have to see that."

"Dude- what the- what are you sorry for? You're the one walking around with all those- the cracks and the bits missing in those wheels, that smashed up halo- that shit looks like it hurt!"

"It did," Cas agrees, a hitch in his voice. "But it was all worth it to be here with you now." He finally opens his eyes and tilts his head. "You're not scared?"

Dean can feel warmth spreading like syrup through his body, strongest in his chest. "Of you? Cas. C'mon. I haven't been scared of you since you spoke to me after Samhain," he says, a grin pulling up at his lips.

"Not of me," Cas says sheepishly, "of... that."

"That," Dean says in a low imitating rumble, "is you." He gets up from his chair, kneels at Cas's feet, and reaches up to where he can see one of the many ghostly broken wheels spinning. He can see his hand touching where the golden wheel is, but he can't feel anything.

Cas makes a small noise at the back of his throat.

"If I could, I'd heal your scars like you did to mine," Dean says.

[00valentina-writes00]

NSFW ALPHABET WITH ABBY I BEG OF YOU

♡♥︎ NSFW Alphabet - Abby Anderson ♥︎♡

A = Aftercare

Abby takes aftercare seriously. She’s wrapping you in her arms, kissing your forehead, rubbing slow circles on your back. If she was rough, she’s even softer after, whispering how good you were. She always makes sure you drink water and feels so fucking proud if you’re too blissed out to move.

B = Body Part

On you? Your thighs. She loves them wrapped around her head, squeezing her hips, trembling when she makes you come. On herself? Her arms. She knows you love gripping her biceps, clawing at them when she fucks you deep.

C = Cum

Abby loves making a mess. Watching you soaked and dripping, thighs shaking—that’s her reward. If she’s using a strap? She loves seeing your release coat it, watching it glisten under the light. If it’s her fingers? She’ll lick them clean, eyes locked on you.

D = Dirty Secret

She wants to see you tied up. Not anything too extreme, just your wrists bound, maybe a blindfold, completely at her mercy. The thought of you whimpering, begging, unable to touch her? It drives her crazy.

E = Experience

Abby knows what she’s doing. She’s had past partners, but you’re the one she really learned with. She listens, watches, memorizes every little reaction—so when she touches you, it’s always exactly what you need.

F = Favorite Position

Anything that lets her watch you fall apart. She loves holding you up against the wall, pressing you into the mattress, throwing your legs over her shoulders. But her favorite? You, on your stomach, ass up, while she fucks you deep. She loves seeing the way your back arches, how you push against her, how you moan into the pillow.

G = Goofy

Abby’s usually serious, focused, intense. But every now and then, if something funny happens—like your bodies not aligning right or you moaning at the wrong time? She’ll chuckle, shake her head, kiss your nose, and keep going.

H = Hair

She keeps it trimmed but not bare. She’s not super particular about it, and she knows you don’t care. It’s soft, well-kept, and she never gives it much thought.

I = Intimacy

Abby is passionate. Even when it’s rough, it’s not just about getting off. She wants you to feel it, to know how much she needs you. She’ll kiss your jaw, whisper against your lips, stare at you like you’re her entire world.

J = Jack Off

Abby doesn’t do it often. She has too much self-control, too much discipline. But if she’s been away from you too long, if she’s restless at night, she’ll let herself slip her hand between her legs, thinking about the way you moan for her.

K = Kink

She loves control. Pinning you down, holding you still, making you take everything she gives you. Also? Breeding. Even if it’s not physically possible, she loves the idea of pushing so deep inside you that it feels like she’s claiming you.

L = Location

She’s practical—prefers the bedroom where she can take her time. But if you drag her into the locker room after a workout? If you tug her into a dark corner, whispering how bad you need her? She’s not saying no.

M = Motivation

Seeing you work out. Watching you bite your lip. Hearing you whimper when she teases you. Seeing you completely wrecked, knowing she’s the reason why.

N = No

She won’t humiliate you. She’s dominant, not cruel. She also won’t do anything that hurts you in a way that isn’t pleasurable. If she sees even a flicker of discomfort? She’s stopping immediately.

O = Oral

Abby loves giving. She lives between your thighs, tongue deep inside you, hands gripping your hips to hold you down. She won’t stop until you’re a panting mess. Receiving? She loves it, but she’s shy about it. First time you went down on her, she was gripping the sheets, red-faced, biting her knuckles to keep quiet.

P = Pace

Hard. Deep. Unrelenting. She knows how to build you up slowly if she wants, but when she’s finally inside? She’s not stopping until she fucks you senseless.

Q = Quickie

She prefers taking her time, but if you get needy enough, whispering in her ear? She’ll push you against the nearest surface, hand already between your legs.

R = Risk

She’s open to trying new things as long as she trusts you. Just don’t suggest anything reckless Or dangerous.

S = Stamina

Insane stamina. She can keep going for as long as you can take it. After her first orgasm? She barely needs time to recover before she’s back between your legs.

T = Toys

Loves using a strap. She’ll pin your wrists down, fuck you slow at first, watching your every reaction. Also loves watching you ride her, gripping your hips, guiding you at her pace.

U = Unfair

Abby loves teasing you. She’ll drag her fingers between your legs, stroke your clit just enough to make you squirm—then pull away. If you get whiny? She’ll smirk, muttering, “Be patient.”

V = Volume

She’s not loud, but she’s vocal. Low, gravelly moans, heavy breathing, whispered praises in your ear. The first time she slipped up and moaned loud? She got so embarrassed.

W = Wild Card

She has a thing for marking you. She doesn’t even realize it at first, but her teeth always find your neck, her hands always leave bruises. The first time she saw you the next morning, covered in her marks? She couldn’t stop staring.

X = X-ray

Abby is thick everywhere. Her clit? Bigger than average, sensitive, throbbing when she’s turned on. Her breasts? Firm, strong, but soft in the right places. Her cunt? So warm, soaking wet whenever you touch her.

Y = Yearning

Her sex drive is high, but controlled. She can go without it, but if you start something? She’s finishing it. She’s always ready if you are.

Z = Zzzz

She usually stays awake a little longer, holding you, pressing kisses into your hair. But if it was rough, deep, exhausting? She’s asleep almost instantly, still wrapped around you.

[eepyhoney]

AMNESIA [ prompt ]

alternate title: Together Again ⋆˙⟡ Caleb x f!reader ⋆˙⟡ ambiguous drabble ⋆˙⟡ angst? ⋆˙⟡ 349 words ⋆˙⟡

A mission gone wrong, a battle against a vicious wanderer lead to another near-death experience.

Only this time, your heart did stopped beating - death upon arrival at Willow Medical Center, the cold atmosphere weight heavily in the air as the doctor relayed the news to the Farspace Fleet Colonel.

Caleb would've snapped, his last strand of sanity, his anchor to reality, his homing beacon - his pipsqueak, slipping out of his reach again and into the abyssal realm of death.

Until unexpectedly your heart miraculously revived not soon after, shocking everyone into a stupor.

And Caleb? He was too relieved to care of other's disbelief as he immediately rushed to your side. Thanking whatever deity above for not taking you away from him - not after everything he did in his power to protect you.

After weeks of undergoing recovery and Caleb finally permitted to visit you, he was neither affected or surprise when you stared at him with a guarded and confused gaze in your eyes.

"Who.. are you..?"

Ah the familiar question, one Caleb had hoped not to relive ever again since their wretched childhood.

Only a brief heartache, a twinged in his heart until a particular thought cross his mind, a thought to finally bind you to him once and for all.

The thought that sent a thrill through him as Caleb easily masked his expression with a warm loving smile before taking a seat beside your hospital bed.

"Its okay.. Its okay if you forget." He spoke softly, the flowers he brought placed neatly on your lap as he gently grasp your hand. His touch careful and soothing and it did help ease a bit of the tenseness you felt around him despite the lingering confusion in your mind.

"Even if you don't remember anything. I can always say it again." A paused, a small shaky sigh as he locked eyes with you. "I'm Caleb.."

He brought your intertwined hand up close to his lips, planting a tender kiss against your skin, his eyes never leaving yours as he uttered his final words.

"And I'm your husband."

divider by omi.resources

a/n: an open prompt that /might/ turn into a fic someday but unsure. if anyone wanna write this out feel free! please tag me though bc I would love to read it 𖹭

[checkeredflagggs]

Febuwhump Day 8: Bleeding Out

pairings: gen

summary: a story about y/n, Redbull’s new second driver, told in non-sequential order

a/n: I love febuwhump and have participated before for other fandoms but this is a first for me — attempting to compete it via smau only. Hopefully I can write a complete story eventually and I will be posting it on its own masterlist in the correct order to read but it’ll be written based on the febuwhump prompt list! @febuwhump

a/n2: based on the 2024 year; sorry checo but you got replaced earlier!

a/n3: sorry Pierre but I’m not gonna give you the perfect no damages season that you had

y/n_rb

liked by maxverstappen1, logansargeant, oscarpiastri, and 2,193,429 others

tagged: maxverstappen1, redbullracing

y/n_rb: what a year it’s been…from car crashes to new girlfriends to lessons in menacing, 2024 you have been a dream!

I want to thank Redbull for taking a chance on me — hopefully I was worth it! Max, you have been absolutely the best teammate I could have asked for! Oscar and Logan, I am so glad we got to fulfill our dream of racing together this year! And Mr. Fenando sir it’s been a pleasure! I’ll make sure to make use of all of your advice!

One last race left! Abu Dhabi here we come!

view all comments

user1: anyone else catching those threatening tones in that last sentence??

↳y/n_rb: what tones???

↳user2: the very sweet tones you always talk in!

↳y/n_rb: that’s better!

↳user1: girl you’re kinda scary…

↳y/n_rb: 😁😁😁

oscarpiastri: you’re being suspiciously nice…what did you do!

↳logansargeant: why is my mom calling me!?! What did you do!!

↳y/n_rb: 😁😁

↳oscarpiastri: did you seriously call our mothers to plan a group vacation?

↳logansargeant: I want to use winter break as a time to get away from you! Stop invading my family time!

↳nicolepiastri: boys please be nicer to y/n! She was so kind to invite us on a European trip this winter!

↳oscarpiastri: stop trying to steal my mom!!

↳y/n_rb: who’s trying? I already won liked by nicolepiastri, hattiepiastri

↳oscarpiastri: I’m throwing things at you 🍎🛞🪨

user3: girl don’t remind us you haven’t been resigned yet 😭😭

user4: sooo did you like take actual notes from Alonso’s lessons or…

↳y/n_rb: if I told you, I’d have to kill you

↳redbullracing: y/n you can’t say that. please refer to the handbook, page 229

↳fernandoalo_oficial: Puede que ella no pueda pero yo lo haré. She might be able to but I will.

↳user5: i can’t believe we all forgot about her grid father 🙈 liked by y/n_rb

maxverstappen1: It certainly was…an experience…having you as a teammate

↳y/n_rb: don’t lie! I know I’m your favorite

↳danielricciardo: those are fighting words!

↳y/n_rb: bring it old man Aussie!! I bite

↳danielricciardo: stop calling me old! And threatening to bite me

↳oscarpiastri: it’s not a threat — she does

↳user6: if Daniel is old man Aussie — what are Oscar and Mark?

↳y/n_rb: baby Aussie and ancient Aussie

↳user6: 😂😂😂

↳aussiegrit: kid…

↳oscarpiastri: do you see what I have to put up with? redbullracing please don’t resign her

↳y/n_rb: well that’s fucking rude!

↳redbullracing: 🫢🫢🫢

↳y/n_rb: wait what does that mean?!?

francisca.cgomes: Mon amour! My love!

↳y/n_rb: run away with me

↳pierregasly: I’m gonna run you over

↳y/n_rb: try it!

alexandrasaintmleux: Ce fut un plaisir de faire votre connaissance cette année! It was a pleasure to get to know you this year!

↳y/n_rb: my offer still stands! I can treat you so much better

↳charles_leclerc: S'en aller! Go away!

↳alexandrasaintmleux:😘😘

↳charles_leclerc: Alex…

↳y/n_rb: haha

user7: I’ll certainly miss you terrorizing everyone…

↳y/n_rb: even if I’m not a driver, I’ll still be doing that!

↳charles_leclerc: fuck

↳pierregasly: non

↳oscarpiastri: please no

↳y/n_rb: 😁😁

f1

liked by user, user, user and 3,723,183 others

tagged: pierregasly, y/n_rb

f1: and that’s major contact between redbullracing’s y/n_rb and alpinef1team’s pierregasly. This is not the first time this season these 2 have crashed together. The race is currently under red flag as the marshals work to clear the track of debris.

view all comments

user8: of course it was those 2…

user9: they couldn’t resist one last crash to finish off the season could they…

user10: it’s taking a while for the marshals to remove them from the car isn’t it?

↳user11: yeah…it doesn’t usually take this long unless something has happened…

↳user12: god I hope they’re both alright…

user13: did they have to bring in extra medical cars???

↳user14: they did — it’s not looking good…

↳user13: fuck

f1gossippage

liked by user, user, user, and 1,923,284 others

f1gossippage: during the beginning laps of Abu Dhabi - y/n l/n and Pierre Gasly made contact that resulted in a red flag. After a lengthy delay, extra medical cars were called to the site of the crash where both l/n and Gasly were cut from their cars. They were both rushed from the scene — it looked like they were bleeding out pretty badly…

view all comments

user15: I was right above them — it did NOT look good but they were both seemingly conscious

↳user16: Jesus…at least they were conscious?

↳user17: that is a good sign (I think)

user18: has anyone official said anything?

↳user20: not that I could tell but the race has been started again…

user21: I can’t even imagine going out again to race after seeing that crash

↳user22: those drivers are stronger than me for real

user23: listening to their radios right now — everyone keeps asking for updates on them!

↳user24: are they getting updates?

↳user23: everyone is being told that there are no updates yet

↳user24: ugh…

Taglist

@anamiad00msday @suns3treading @daniskywalkersolo @awritingtree @justheretoreadthxxs @coral7161 @lost4lyrics @mastermindbaby @freyathehuntress @angelluv16 @nichmeddar @mxm47max @Voidvannie @justaf1girl @a-beaverhausen @tallrock35 @elizamoe133 @yawn-zi

[hyckvr]

spidermark bf thoughts

spidermark x reader // warnings. mentions of being tied up, blood, mentions of being saved. idk any others😭 // a/n. ngl i don’t read much kpop stuff anymore so i apologise if any of these r overused😭 i wish my tv would let me play the spider-man games bc im having withdrawals. thanks to my wife for helping me with the smut since im shit at it🙏 @chenlezip

bf spider!mark who is a dedicated boyfriend who is always ready to take you swinging whenever you request it. no matter the hour, he never hesitates to drop everything to make your wishes come true. his willingness to help is unwavering; if you ask him to take you to the top of a tall building, he will do so without a moment's delay, ensuring that you have an unforgettable experience. whether it’s the thrill of the swing or the breath taking view from above, mark is always there to make those moments possible.

bf spider!mark who has a playful passion for recreating the iconic spider-man kiss. despite the fact that he often ends up tumbling onto his head in the process, he finds joy in the effort. each time he leans in upside down, his heart races with excitement, knowing that the moment is sure to bring a smile to your face. for him, the little mishaps along the way only add to the charm of the experience, making it all the more memorable. seeing your smile in response to his antics makes every fall worth it.

bf spider!mark who is the kind of person who never fails to surprise you with thoughtful treasures from his little adventures. as he swings through the bustling streets, his eyes are always scanning his surroundings. suddenly, something catches his gaze—the glimmer of a unique trinket or the vibrant bloom of a beautiful flower—that instantly makes him think of you. with a spark of excitement, he quickly turns around and retraces his steps, eager to gather that perfect find that he knows will bring a smile to your face.

bf spider!mark who often calls you when he’s lounging at the top of a tall building, enjoying the breath taking view of the city skyline. as he overlooks the bustling streets below, he eagerly shares captivating stories about his thrilling adventures. he recounts tales of daring escapades, the intense fights he has faced, and the amusing incidents that make him laugh. each conversation flows effortlessly, filled with his energetic enthusiasm for life. as you listen, the soft glow of your phone illuminates your features, casting a warm light that captivates him even more. he finds comfort in the way your face lights up, reflecting your engagement in his storytelling. meanwhile, the vibrant city below- full of life, lights, and movement- creates a stunning backdrop behind his phone with your soft smile glowing.

bf spider!mark who consistently offers his assistance with homework. whenever you find yourself struggling or feeling overwhelmed with assignments, he's the first person you turn to for help. his understanding nature and patience make it easy to approach him with questions. sometimes, he goes above and beyond, taking the time to complete entire assignments for you, which can be both a blessing and a curse when it comes to learning the material yourself.

bf spider!mark who is the kind of person who would go to great lengths to ensure your safety. he is unwavering in his commitment and will stop at nothing to protect you. whether it requires tackling difficult challenges or facing daunting obstacles, he won't rest until he knows you are out of harm's way, dropping anything he's doing to instantly come aid you. his devotion and determination shine through in every action he takes, proving that your well-being is his top priority.

bf spider!mark who always knocks on your window late at night, his presence a familiar yet unsettling ritual after a long day spent out fighting crime. no matter how late it is or how tired you feel, you can never bring yourself to turn him away. as you open the window, a sense of apprehension washes over you, mixed with an undeniable urge to bring him in. once inside, he perches on the edge of your bathroom counter, his posture slumped and weary. the harsh light reveals the extent of his exhaustion—the dark circles under his eyes and the way he runs a hand through his dishevelled hair. blood smears across his beautiful face, a stark contrast to his usually charming smile. It’s a haunting sight, one that tugs at your heart, leaving you wondering what harrowing experiences he faced to return to you in such a state. the only good thing that came from this is your medical skills are top-notch now, you're always able to patch him up.

bf spider!mark who loves to tie you up with his webs. seeing you struggling to get out of the tough webs turns him on even more, the look of pure bliss on your face sends him into an overload. "you like being tied up don't you?" he let out with a smirk plastered onto his lips, you could only whimper and nod aggressively in response. the webs are strong and sticky on your wrists, the pain that spread through your wrists from the tight webs had your head going fuzzy.

bf spider!mark who shows off his strength. whether that be picking you up, holding your thighs and pinning you against the wall.. slamming you down onto his bed, hovering over you and pinning your wrists down. another example, he loves to fuck you in an alleyway, you pinned up against a wall as his hips go at a relentless pace, hand over your mouth to keep your moans at bay.

bf spider!mark who has a cocky smile on his face when you finally request him to keep his mask on during sex. he's been fantasising about this for ages, so when you finally came to him about it he was overjoyed. he wastes no time, instantly picking you up and throwing you onto your double bed. soon, the air in the room changed all together and mark had you right where he wanted you. you bite your lip, “fuck- ngh, mark,” you whimper as you feel him slipping inside of you. the eyes on his mask soon close, you can’t see the blissed out expression on his face but you can tell he feels just as good as you do.

bf spider!mark mark loves when you switch the tables over, topping him. it was probably one of his favourite things, he loved seeing you on top of him taking charge, putting him in his place. he was too exhausted after a night of fighting crime and saving citizens. he threw himself down on the bed and you could see he needed the relief after a hard day. you smile and make your way over to the bed, falling to your knees and stroking his thigh, “let me ease you up, pretty boy. deserve it.”

bf spider!mark who is always loud in bed, he never fails to let it be known how much you pleasure him. especially if he’s receiving oral from you. you’re swallowing down on him and he hisses, bucking his hips up, “shiiittt, baby.. just like that, yeah, keep goin’ for me sweetheart..” “fuck, you’re so good” “right there, right there, fuckkk”

bf spider!mark who can go as many rounds as u want and never run out of stamina. he'll be fucking into you, hips going at a rapid pace as you struggle to keep up with him, pleasure taking over you, making it hard to speak. all you could do was whimper and whine as mark kept up his relentless pace. “m-mark, mark..” you pant. it was your third orgasm already, and it didn’t seem like he was going to stop.

[tactical-jellyfish]

The Mistakes That Have Been Made

Part Three <3 The fluff before the storm

Warnings!: Angst, angst, and more angst. Reader will be MAD sad for most of this. Poorly-practiced, unhealthy polyamory. Reader will experience a LOT of gender and body dysphoria over the course of this (though I will do my best to keep it gender-neutral throughout, bear with me), but there WILL be comfort over that.

Training with Gary was a good idea, no matter how much you hate to admit it.

He forced you to take it easy, as much as you griped at him for it. You could do more. You knew you could do more. But the both of you knew damn well that you shouldn't be doing any more, either.

It was a simple hour. He did the exercises with you, mostly simple stretches and the like.

As infuriating as it was, you felt much calmer after. Maybe that was because you'd managed to avoid your team up until now. You hadn't had to look at any of them today.

That was oddly relieving, but the way he was looking at you wasn't. Gary was scanning you like he was trying to figure something out, between friendly jokes and quiet banter. It wigged you out a little, but when you tried to go to the showers, as usual, he stopped you with a hand on your hoodie-clad shoulder.

"You know you're not supposed to wet the dressings, right?"

His soft voice is right next to your ear, the muffled heat of his breath thankfully not making you shiver as it usually would, thanks to the mask.

"But I've still gotta shower, y-"

Gary chuckles gently, and pulls you (gently, he gives you more than enough leeway to wriggle free if you really want to) into the smallest bathroom attached to the gym.

You've never been in here before, but you don't stop him when he turns you around, and starts to sign again.

You didn't read the articles I sent, did you?

You sigh, and give him a slightly sheepish glance as you sign back (much more clumsily, to be sure, and slower.

Doing other things, bug.

Do you know the sign for "Roach"? No. It doesn't stop you from hearing Gary's little gasp, and watching the way his cheeks round with a bright smile as he slips his mask down, revealing maybe the brightest grin you've ever seen.

Before you're fully aware of it, you've been engulfed in a firm hug, and you're being squeezed tightly by the gentle man before you, an ungloved hand splayed over the small of your back.

"I was right about you."

His voice is still raspy, almost whispered, and you frown just a little at the way he's straining to talk, even if you want to smile at the words.

"You've done a lot for me, luv, I practically owed it to you. Don't strain yourself."

The silent bounces of laughter rock your chest as Gary gently rests his face on your shoulder for just a moment, seemingly fond of the way this feels.

What makes you pull back is the way you feel a warm, scared hand under your hoodie (and over your undershirt, thank goodness) right after leather hits the floor.

Gary seems to sense your unease, and gives you a reassuring smile.

You can't wet your dressings, so I brought wet wipes for you. Figured you could use the help.

He uses more complete sign than before, only bothering to finger-spell the harder words to gleam in the sentence. You pick it up well, but still squirm a little when you see yourself in the mirror.

Gary knows it, because you pointedly look away from the wall behind him. The confirmation makes his smile fade a little, but his hope skyrocket.

You're more like him than you think. Even if you don't know it yet.

He clicks his tongue, and turns so you're facing the wall, pulling the small pack of sanitary wipes from his bag and handing them to you.

"Do you want me to help?"

You can't reach every part of your body just yet, but Gary still offers to let you do it yourself. He lets you choose. It makes you a little weak.

When you nod, he gets to work.

It's maybe the best thing you've ever felt. His hands are cloaked by the wipes, smoothing over your skin, wicking away the thin layer of sweat that clings to it. Soothing you in a way no one has every bothered to before.

Your phone pings somewhere in your gym bag. You ignore it, opting to lean into a gentle swipe over the broadest part of your back.

"You're good to me, Gary."

He nods. It makes you sigh.

"I really want to be with you more."

He nods again. This time, he gently hooks his chin over your shoulder, pulling your hoodie up just enough to clean around the small bandages you changed just this morning. When you tense, he scoots his head a little closer to your neck, to comfort you. It works well.

It's a hard balance to strike, but he's pulling it off. You feel seen, but somehow just as much you feel like he's not really looking. It takes that ugly, twisting feeling away, and puts it to bed.

Your body may be wrong, but right now, it doesn't matter. Gary doesn't care. That makes you feel... good. Maybe not good. It makes you feel understood, for the first time.

"Why are you so good at this?"

You feel him smile, and gently take hold of your hand, before leading you to feel a scar that stretches beneath his chest.

Huh.

Oh. Oh, shit.

"Gary-"

He interrupts you when he releases your hand, and signs once more.

I'm like you.

"I... Fuck, luv, I'm not- I mean, I- I-"

Let me help you. I want to.

You're in deeeeeeep shit.

"Alright. Yeah, as long as you stay."

[hoonieyun]

now playing...

girl i've always been - olivia rodrigo

pairing: lee heeseung x reader x sim jaeyun

warnings: i dont think so but pls lmk 18+ and not proofread lmao

pls ignore timestamps and possible typos lol a part of this chapter is partially written so please be sure to read the written portions to understand the whole story

this chapter contains several time jumps but i promise it'll all make sense!

wc: 1239

𐐪♡𐑂 four months later 𐐪♡𐑂 

preparations for the grammy’s weren't on your plan for this year but here you were getting the final touches of your makeup done before you have to head off to the grammy’s red carpet. you were trying your best to not let your nerves get the better of you and feel the impending feeling of imposter syndrome but with the encouragement from your best friends manon and jen, you’re able to level your head and soothe your worries. 

you’ve worked very hard to get to this point of your life and you deserved to be there and no amount of imposter syndrome would take away the fact that you are a two time grammy nominated singer.  

something you never thought you would be able to call yourself. 

𐐪♡𐑂

the red carpet is bustling with people; celebrities, photographers, and fans alike all gathering for this monumentous night in the music industry. your car was pulling up to the drop off and you’d soon be walking out to face everyone and with one last look in the mirror, you were ready to walk the carpet and show the world the face of yn, a face that would reflect your hardwork, dedication, and love for music. 

you were surpised to hear the uproar of people calling your name as you stepped out onto the red carpet. people calling you left and right to pose a certain way or to look in their direction to get the perfect shot of you in your custom gown. you felt so beautiful and you knew that in this moment, you were where you needed to be. a place where you felt celebrated and supported for your craft and no matter the results of the night, no one could take away the joy that you felt inside of you. 

the experience on the carpet went smooth and quickly and soon enough you’re entering the building and finding yourself in a sea of celebrities all here for the same reasons. you’d be lying if you said you weren’t intimidated at the slightest after seeing juggernauts in the music industry but you were able to feel okay again knowing that at some point they felt the same way that you did. 

𐐪♡𐑂

after several performances and grammy’s awarded to various celebrities, the host would soon be announcing the recipients for two of the biggest awards of the night. 

best new artist and song of the year, in which you’re nominated for both. 

you’ve tried to get your mind off of the nerves by mingling with the celebrities at your table, talking about their projects and what they’re most excited about but you just couldn’t shake the feeling of nerves. someone once told you, however, that if you aren’t nervous, then you don’t care enough. 

and you cared… a lot. 

the host began his usual speech of talking about the category briefly before the montage of other nominees would play on the gigantic screen. the applause when your face appeared for best new artist was the loudest applause you’ve ever heard for yourself and you couldn’t help but get emotional at the idea that you were merely seconds away from finding out if you had one. 

“and the grammy goes to… YN!” the host announces and it seems like time has stopped. like your world had just frozen in this very moment as the only thing you could hear was your name echoing throughout the gigantic celebration hall they had the grammy’s in. your eyes widen at the sound of your name and those around you begin to stand and clap for you, urging you to stand and go and accept your award. shock clearly painted onto your face as you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. 

you try your best to walk onto the stage with your big gown and accept the award from the announcer, “wow! this is.. just wow. um i never expected this, i feel like a lot of people say that but i never expected this; i don’t even have a speech planned but i think i’ll just let my emotions talk for me. 

this is such a monumentous moment for me, the girl i was a year ago to the girl i was just a few months ago to the girl i am now is so grateful for this award no matter how much i’ve changed. i’ll always be the girl i’ve always been and thats someone who loves music and wants to share something that makes others happy. 

thank you so much to my friends, my family, my team, and most importantly i want to thank myself for never giving up. thank you recording academy, this means everything to me.” 

tears threaten to fall from your eyes but you smile through it as everyone claps for you as you make your way to the back so they could prepare for the next award. 

song of the year. 

𐐪♡𐑂 

you were smiling at yourself, looking down at your fingers as you thought about the fact that you’ve just won your first grammy. the amount of happiness brewing inside of you felt like you could explode as you think about how you would celebrate with your best friends when you get home. 

you’re so deep in thought about winning your first grammy that you don’t even realize the host about to announce the winner for song of the year until people are jumping out of their seats and once again clapping and cheering in your direction. you look up with wide eyes and it isn’t until you look up at the screen where your music video for “i’ll still be here” is being played that you realize that you’ve just won another grammy. 

song of the year for “i’ll still be here”

your hand flies to your chest in shock as you once again stand up and make your way to accept your award, this time choosing not to fight back tears as they trickle down your cheek. 

“this is crazy… i can’t believe this is real, thank you so much. i still don’t have anything prepared but i want to take a moment to talk about this song and it’s importance to me. 

i wrote this song in the midst of being at a mental health retreat where i was isiolated so i could focus on my emotions and really dissect what is causing me these issues. this song is a result of my healing and how i’ve chosen to accept what has happened in the past and choosing forgiveness because that is truly the only way to move on. 

and specifically, to forgive myself and allow myself to heal and move on. 

again thank you so much, this means everything to me and more. thank you.”

this moment felt sureal and something you would never forget.

𐐪♡𐑂 

it’s been about a few days since the grammy’s and you were still riding on the high of your achievements, still not believing that you were able to win two grammy’s and how this truly represented the turning point in your life where you would be going on to choose yourself. 

you’ve decided that focusing on yourself was the biggest thing you haven’t done for the last few years and even when you thought you were, you realize that you’ve centered your life on everything surrounding you instead of solely, you.

masterlist - back

hoonieyun notes: the final chapter wahhh i wanna cry, i think i timed this last chapter somewhat well since the grammys finished this last sunday and i kind of wanted to reflect that in some way. i hope this smau was really enjoyable for all of you, i know it was my first one to get a lot of attention and support and my second one overall so im still learning and developing as we go :3 thank you to everyone who supported and were always interacting with the chapters!! if you want another smau to read you can read my first one "score: love!" or my current on-going third smau "do you trust me?" i also have several series going on right now that you can check out on my enha masterlist! again thank you guys so much for supporting me <3

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[merakiui]

jade is absolutely getting off to the thought of drugging you up with mushrooms and then using them to fuck you

Oh, most definitely. 😌

“You’re an ash-hole,” is the first thing to tumble out of your mouth. The insult isn’t nearly as biting as you’d hoped it would be, for the slurred way in which you pronounce the expletive dulls its sharpness tenfold. It does earn you a quirk of the mouth from Jade. The exact opposite of what you wanted.

You’re sweating out of your skin, body temperature rocket-high. It almost rivals the stifling humidity of the off-campus woods, which you think might be your resting place if whatever shit Jade spiked your salad with stops your heart. Pre-hike salad, your foot!

He’s found a comfortable clearing, the lush grass more inviting than the cool breeze tickling your cheek. It feels like the wind has a dozen tiny tongues and they’re all lapping at your face. With a shiver, you smack Jade’s arm away when he offers to ease you down. The world is breathing beneath you. The tree trunk you prop yourself against has a heartbeat, and you watch the lines in the bark undulate like saltwater waves.

“As a member of the Mountain Lovers’ Club,” Jade says, lowering to his knees in front of you, his backpack now shrugged off. When you blink, he’s right in front of you next, checking to make sure you’re still lucid. Mostly. “You must be able to discern dangerous flora from the safe ones. The mushrooms mixed in with your salad have hallucinogenic properties. In small amounts, they’re fine. Quite the exciting trip, one might say. But there are some species that have hazardous effects…”

You squeeze your eyes shut again and inhale a shuddering breath. There are spiders beneath your eyelids and in your skin. It prickles. You move to slap nothing off your arm and find that, in the seconds or maybe minutes your world has been turned over, your shorts have been shucked down to your ankles. Jade’s spidery digits creep in close, parting your legs, sliding along your hole through the fabric. You’d kick him if your body wasn’t so keen on melting like candle wax. All you can do is wilt and take in big gulps of air as he presses in, fingers curling beneath your underwear, prodding inside such a private, sensitive place. You’re not sure how much time passes. You swim in and out of consciousness, occasionally snapping back to yourself like a boomerang.

When you come to, it’s with a keening cry and he hums, sounding quite pleased. You’re not sure how or when it happened, but you came around his fingers. The embarrassment doesn’t settle for long, not when your skeleton is jittering in its fleshy confines. You think you might be sick. Something is crawling up your throat. Hands? Vomit? It feels weird. Just what was in that salad? What terrible mushroom did he experiment with this time?

And that’s just it. Everything he does is experimental. Never on himself. You’d quite like that—to give him a literal taste of his own medicine and watch him crumple. What a glorious day that would be.

Like a surgeon, Jade slips a pair of latex gloves on. For a horrified moment, you wonder if he really is going to bury you out here. But instead he procures a particularly sizable mushroom from a plastic bag. It looks familiar, but right now there are a dozen names rushing through your mind and none of them can be correct. You watch with even more horror as he tears a little square package open and slides the condom over the mushroom’s stipe, all business. Perfectly clinical.

“Today, we’re going to learn to identify mushrooms and their uses.” He beams. “Starting with this one.”

“I…” Your tongue feels all wrong. Numb. Too long. And then too short. You try to pronounce your next words, but they come out in a messy splutter.

“I’ll give you a hint. It’s edible.” Jade smiles angelically.

Gee, thanks for the help. That narrows it down by a lot, you think, sarcastic.

“Maybe this will jog your memory,” he adds, and when you blink the stipe is pushing against your puckered hole. His fingers are wrapped gently around the cap of the mushroom, holding it steady.

“Wha…” You attempt to crawl back from him, but the tree holds you firm. “Jade—”

“It’s a very popular ingredient in soups and risotto,” he continues, undeterred in his approach.

You dig your fingers into the ground and rip up clumps of grass. It feels wrong. Intrusive. This strange, foreign thing. You squirm weakly, but it doesn’t shake him off.

Dunno, you think, your mouth moving mutely.

“It’s part of the genus Boletus.”

Oh, you hate him something fierce. This smart-ass eel. As if you’d know the scientific name or the genus and whatever-heenus-gleenus. You’ll kill him.

Not really. Because who could kill Jade Leech? Not you.

But the feeling comes something close to death as you imagine yourself weaponizing the blazing sun in your scowl and burning a hole through him like he’s an ant under a magnifying glass. Instead, your expression falls and you give a short, sweet whine. The mushroom presses in shallowly. Jade watches with a delight that can only be described as exhilaration. His smile is preternatural.

It turns out it’s a penny bun. Boletus edulis. He tells you that halfway into working the thick mushroom in and out of you.

“I’m sure you’ll have better luck with the next one,” he assures, and then you see it. The many mushrooms packed neatly away in his backpack, each one packaged in that chilling, serial-killer-like precision only Jade Leech could have.

[dramaticallytotal]

Victory Tastes So Sweet

Is this another?

Yes.

It's another TDWT au.

Don't look at me.

________

A TDWT where Noah joined Team Victory instead.

Eva is on Team Chris.

Izzy is on Team Amazon.

Chris made his husband "randomly" roll a D6 Dice. To be fair, he did roll for everyone except for select people.

Chris does not allow Sierra and Izzy to switch because he will absolutely not put any of Team E-Scope together. One member with Owen is fine, except Noah, because those two work together a little too well, but other than that, Team E-Scope is not allowed together. They would dominate the game, and as funny as that would be, he can't do it. He wants the competition to actually last, plus it may or may not be a punishment for Noah since the little shit messed with hair care products! Admittedly, it was Chris's fault since he was maybe the one to start their little prank war when the kid was his assistant, but come on! You don't mess with a man's hair routine! The jerk replaced the product in his very expensive bottles of shampoo and conditioner with a 3-in-1 set!!! A 3-IN-1!!!

But, anyway, he does allow Sierra to switch with a different person on Team Amazon...

Cody!

Yeah. Chris would not subject the boy to a crazy stalker because he knows how that is, but Chris also can't just get rid of Sierra because of the producers. Well, not till he can make it seem natural and something out of his control.

Teams:

Team Victory - Noah, Lindsay, Ezekiel, Bridgette, DJ, Harold, and Duncan until he quit.

Team Amazon - Izzy, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Heather, Beth, and Leshawna

Team Chris - Eva, Cody, Alejandro, Owen, Tyler, Justin, and Trent

------

I really like the idea of Noah being in Team Victory that some fics do. It would be really fun to figure out how that affects the team dynamics.

Because Duncan quit, Team Victory is at a number disadvantage, and it is one of the main reasons Alejandro targets them. Another reason is that he had already been working on his relationships with Lindsay and Bridgette, and since they weren't on his team and couldn't be of much use to him, they had to go. He knew he was good at pretending and keeping up appearances, but he also knew he couldn't do it forever because, at a point, it became exhausting. Which is another reason why the girls had to go.

Noah was pissed! He knew Chris put him on a team with Harold and without Izzy, Eva, or Owen in retaliation for the 3-in-1 prank. It was hilarious! It was also ridiculous how Chris knew as soon as he started putting the product in his hair because of the smell and the way it felt. Now he was going to suffer. Was it bad of him to hope they lost so he could throw Harold out the plane. They had only been a team officially for like ten minutes, and he was already done with the guy. He kept trying to take charge because he "knew more about Egypt than anyone here,gosh!" Then he kept interrupting Noah and Lindsay when they tried to make a plan. And THEN he kept throwing out random facts at the worst times. AND THEN he decided that wasn't enough and had to correct Noah when Noah was right. It took Ezekiel (EZEKIEL) snapping at him for the ginger to shut up and let Noah and Lindsay plan.

He was finally able to let his team know that their stick was, in fact, a dowsing rod. When they reached the river, Lindsay helped direct them on weaving their boat, Noah had some experience with weaving as his grandma did it frequently and taught all her kids and grandkids.

Once again, he lucked out as he stopped Ezekiel from trying to shoo away the crocodiles with their dowsing rod given he knew Chris, and he just knew if they came empty-handed they would be penalized or they would lose. The Amazon's still won, but thankfully, the challenge was declared a reward given Duncan had quit.

He didn't know that Alejandro had been observing his team during the challenge and specifically himself. Alejandro had seen how he let Lindsay lead, but how even she looked to him for information. It was like he naturally took up the position of leader and merely delegated tasks. Then he saw them on their boat and how he stopped his teammate from making a mistake.

Noah, as he remembered Chris introducing him as (he was great with memorizing faces and names), was harsh from what he'd seen and overly sarcastic. How these people listened to him, he didn't know. What he did know was that he was now on his list because he could already see how the boy would stray Lindsay and Bridgette from his influence by being a bigger influence given they are on the same team.

He also noted that there was already tension in the group.

He could work with that.

________________

Noah on Team Victory!

Beth, Eva, Justin and Trent joining the game!

Noah and Lindsay iconic leader duo!

Alliance Team E-Scope + Owen, Lindsay, Beth, and Ezekiel!

Friendship trio Lindsay, Beth, and Ezekiel!

Ezekiel staying in the game and getting character growth!

Alenoah shenanigans way sooner! Because Alejandro sees Noah as a threat! Owen accidentally told the new guy too much about his Little Buddy because he was trying to be a wingman!

Lindsay getting to keep her character arc from season two!

No forgetting Tyler!

Leshawna, Heather, Gwen, and Courtney butting heads!

Added in challenges by me! Some inspired from Ridonculous Race!

Parental Chris and Chef! Of course!

Noah becoming reluctantly protective of his team (besides Harold)!

Team E-Scope being protective of each other! Of course!

Noah becoming a reluctant villain to protect his friends and team!

Alenoah threatening each other! I mean heavy flirting!

Owen trying to be a wingman for Noah!

[moon-ayyye]

Not that I have any experience or idea, but crime lord work seems to take up a fuck tonne of time. So Jason, fresh off the boat and setting up his gang, wouldn't have time to do shit. Doesn't reveal himself to the bats purely because any time he even steps away, his operations fall apart in some looney tunes ass way. It's a curse (and a blessing. You know what the fuck I'm about with the bats and Jason)

Setting up supply lines and cutting off drugs from competitors? Shit takes so long that Chemo drops before Jason makes a move against the bats. He doesn't really feel sad that Dick is dead, and so he decides to focus up on his operation instead and he'll handle the joker once he gets there. That's future Jason's bullshit to sort out

Titans Tower? Please. Kate was on maternity leave and nobody in this bitch knows how to handle computers like she did. His hair grew even whiter trying to wrangle that whole clown fest. The little bastard will be fucked up by someone else eventually, why deal with that child when there are plenty of other children (middle aged men and women) he needs to deal with?

Brothers in Blood? Mark's reports say he has a mole he needs to get rid of, and some of the kids down the block are trying to spy on Black Mask, so he needs to shut that shit down real quick. He's not expanding to New York. Who cares what they think of Dick? He's got better things to do than reach out

Date night? Rose doesn't have time for that. Some asshole kept comparing her to Deathstroke, and Jason kneecapped him. She's skipping straight to dessert.

Rose joining would increase efficiency because nobody wants to deal with a pent up and frustrated Ravager or Red Hood. They were too busy to have sex for a week and ended up destroying 3 city blocks trying to take down Black mask. They stole his desk, obviously.

He stops wearing his helmet because if he has to deal with this shit, he needs his henchmen to see the disappointment on his face. It actually reduces issues by 20%. Being in your 40's and having a 19 year old look at you like you're a particularly stupid child was a surprisingly good deterrant to fucking up. Who could've guessed?