#it's an “owner of the boner” shirt

[upward-centrifuge]

Addicted to drawing my stupid little guys rn

When the creepy alien version of your ancestor starts talking to your friend with concerning beliefs no one has ever addressed and you have to try and nip that shit in the bud

[aajjks]

Have A Baby By Me (m)

warnings: èxplïcït sèx, rïdïng hïs dïck, báby tràppïng, brèèdïng kínk, cöèrcátïôn, 18+ THÈMÈS, wràp ït bèfórè yôu táp ít, créàmpíe, yándèrè, èxplïcït thèmès, MDNÏ.

note: @looneybleus, I know it’s been so long but I finally got to finish this, forgive me if it’s shitty but I wrote this for you like you wanted 🥹🥹 ALSO SHARE FEEDBACK AND ENJOY! Ignore my mistakes. I’ll edit it later. I got sick. 💀♥️

note: Art by @/nada_ge on twt, this is not mine, cr to owner.

Geto just loves fucking you.

He loves being inside you, fucking you until his dick is aching and you’re full of his load. And now, he hates it when you’re on birth control,

He obviously hates wearing a condom.

And right now? He’s really fucking horny, he cannot stop thinking about fucking you raw, make you bounce on his dick the whole night and breed you like his little doll.

He’s sitting inside your shared bedroom, his shirt off, as he waits for you to finish changing, Geto is throbbing tonight, he will get a baby, he will make sure you get knocked up by him.

Because you’re such a good girl as well, Geto is so in love with you, he wants nothing more than to be with you forever and what is the best way to be with you forever than to have a baby with you?

He is waiting, eagerly. He’s freshly showered, his hair in a lazy bun as he stares at the LED. Even the TV is not interesting enough for him because he’s got some motives. He wants to fulfill tonight.

“Sweetie, where are you?” He suddenly asks, his voice a tad bit loud so you can hear him in the bathroom, he taps his feet on the marble flooring.

“Coming babe.”

He smirks, oh you definitely will be.

He smiles to himself, the thoughts only getting more intense in his mind, his patience is really wearing thin now you need to come here right now.

And it’s like God heard him because there you come all glory in pajamas, your face without any make up, but eyes freeze on you.

You are so beautiful, so pretty and so perfect, the sounds of your steps are enough to take his all of his attention.

“Hi princess.” Geto smiles lazily.

You give him your gorgeous smile, which makes you look 1000 times more pretty, and he pats his lap. “Why don’t you come here hmm?” He speaks in a low tone, his eyes filled with a haze.

A haze you recognize well.

You approach him, Geto wants nothing more than to feel your weight on him, he spreads his legs, “come on pretty girl.” He coos, you are definitely blushing now, as you slyly sit on his lap.

The weight of your ass on him is absolutely delicious, he groans. His arms immediately settling around your waist as he adjusts you.

“Better?” He questions, whispering in your ear like the good caring boyfriend that he is, you nod, and that’s when geto grabs your face and pulls you in for a slow kiss.

His lips move against yours, gently at first, as you register his advance, kidding him back, he enjoys and savors the warmth of your mouth on his.

The kiss only kicks away his sanity, oh he’s so horny. “Mhmm yeah, pretty girl, I really missed you today yknow?” He begins a decent conversation with you, after disconnecting your lips,

You begin talking with him, but all he’s focusing on is being inside you. “Hmm yeah, today wasn’t so eventful, anyways, yn.. let’s focus on the night shall we?” He caresses your face, his fingers tapping your cheek.

“You see? I’m really fuckin needy right now, I’m pretty sure you can feel it.” He winks, hinting at his boner pressing against your ass.

“You look so hot to me right now, please let me fuck you.” He pouts, his tone getting softer yet pleading, but his moves growing bolder, his lips find your neck, as he awaits your response, pressing open mouthed hot kisses against your neck.

He groans again as he takes in your scent, “mhmm fuck.” He moans, his hand sliding inside your shirt, his eyes darken when he realises you’re not wearing a bra.

He starts to tease your naked breast, “oh baby you’re such a naughty girl aren’t you?” His hips start to move, and that’s when you finally mutter a ‘yes’

Geto smiles wide, making you stand up as he immediately kicks his pants off. His muscular thighs soon unveil and throws the pants away.

“Straddle me.” Geto pushes his boxers off soon too, his hard erection painfully obvious, his cock hard and ready. “See that, ‘s all because of you.” He purrs.

“Come on baby ride me.” He takes your wrist and manages to lift you up by your hips, his fingers take off your pajamas and he practically rips your panties off, slamming you down on his cock.

And he cries out in pain, soon replaced by a sound of pleasure as he finds himself inside you, you moan in pain and surprise, “mhm fuck ‘m so sorry baby.”

He’s acting stupid right now.

“Fuck you geto ugh.”

“Yes please fuck me.”

He begs, his grip on your hips tightening as he waits for you to start,

A moan of ecstasy leaves his mouth as you begin to move, “mhmm oh fuck.” He’s always so vocal in the bedroom, he encourages you to go harder, faster.

“Please please please make me cum yn.” He whines, making your hips move faster using his hands to slam you down on his cock.

You moan, matching him as you both give into the pleasure, you settle your hands on his naked shoulders, Geto buries his head in your neck “oh baby mhm yeah please please keep g-going ugh.” He mewls, the feeling your hips slam down on him.

Your thrusts get more aggressive and it makes his eyes roll back. He’s going to cum soon, and inside you.

“Yn oh ngh- mhm.” He wants to kiss you so badly but his mind is frozen, too horny to actually think.

“My ugh- my love you always make me feel so good.” He kisses your neck, his tongue licking all over the skin, his hips bucking up, you keep on riding him.

You’re clenching around him so tightly it’s impossible to last.

“‘M gonna cum.” It’s all he says before he’s exploding inside you, his cum painting your insides white, his orgasm is strong and mind blowing.

The pleasure only intensifies more when he feels you cream all over him as well, you get so quiet during sex, it’s endearing.

His whole body is shaking as he rides the aftershocks, you both a panting mess.

He’s still inside you.

But what’s really got him panting is the knowledge that you’re not on birth control and you didn’t even realize that he just came inside you raw.

Geto smiles, kissing your neck again.

Soon, you’ll be pregnant because he will make sure.

“Oh you’re so good, mhm got me fucked up.” He moans against your neck. “We should continue this hm? This time I’ll be on top okay? I love you.”

Feeling satisfied and accomplished.

[beeing1alive]

Turning on Tokyo Revengers boys without knowing it pt.1

f.t.: Mikey (Manjirō Sanō); Draken (Ken Ryūgūji); Mitsuya (Takashi Mitsuya); Baji (Keisuke Baji); Chifuyu (Chifuyu Matsuno); Kazutora (Kazutora Hanemija)

Warning: Nsfw content, minors do not interact

Mikey:

can't help but get a hard-on when he sees you sitting on his motorbike

especially when it's summer and you're wearing short clothes

his gaze veils slightly, he draws the air through his teeth slightly and watches every movement you make

i'm not going to lie, he's never got hard so fast

Without hesitation, he ran over to you and sat on his motorbike with you, just to kiss you a little more intimately than he wanted to

you can always tell if he's Horney when he kisses you extremely kinky in public

Draken:

Gets hard the fastest when you wear his clothes

I think we can all agree when I say that he has a size kink

I mean, he just can't help it when he sees you in his clothes, which are obviously way too big for you

especially when you're wearing one of his shirts and otherwise just a pair of panties

his eyes would darken slightly and he would slowly move towards you to tell you that he has a big little problem in his trousers and that you could help him with it

Mitsuya:

jealousy turns him on immensely

I mean, I know he doesn't look it so much, but he gets rock hard in seconds when he sees you talking to another boy for a little too long

a chiselled smile appears on his handsome face and he tries as hard as he can to hide the ever-growing and pulsating bulge in his trousers, which he manages to do quite well

as soon as you and the boy are ready, he pulls you behind him, gently but firmly

the moment you arrive in a quiet corner, you are his

Baji:

nothing turns him on more than seeing you in a leadership position

I mean, when you assert yourself and do all those leader things

he'll sit still, his eyes veil slightly and he watches every little move you make

I'm not even lying when I say that he just sits there and a slight, barely noticeable blush spreads across his face as he notices his trousers getting tighter in a matter of seconds

Chifuyu:

gets hard within a few seconds if he sees you in short clothes

for example, shorts and a revealing shirt

he is just too innocent and would blush extremely and in rare cases get a nosebleed too

if he feels confident enough, he'll snuggle up to you from behind so you can feel his hard boner pressed against your bum, which doesn't make it any better for him

he'll gently give you a sweet kiss on the neck and tell you that you know how much it turns him on when you wear revealing clothes

Kazutora:

turns him on most of the time when you're sitting or lying on his lap

the first few times this happened, he was very uncomfortable because you felt it directly when he got hard and he can't hide it

when he's feeling very horny, he tries to move his hips against your bum to create friction

if you're also wearing short clothes, he'll almost come in his trousers at the slightest touch

I mean, that divine view of you, in short clothes, on his lap, pressed against his hard cock

he just can't help it, so don't be angry with him

Here is pt.2

Attention: The characters and the GIF do not belong to me. The credits go to the original owners. If you want anything to be changed or removed, please contact me.

[hotvinimon]

Valentines Day With Sub!Boyfriend Izuku ?

Sub Boyfriend Izuku Midoriya Headcanons and small fics in between.

Plot : It's Valentines. And what's the best gift for your oh so innocent and cute sub boyfie Izuku Midoriya ?

Author’s note : I hope you really like this. I'm sorry for posting this so late after Valentines. Also this fic is 18+. Minors do not interact.

Warnings : MDNI. NSFW. 18+. Gag, Handjob, overstimulation. The images are not mine. Credits to the owner.

Join my taglist - Here or let me know in the comments.

If you had a slightest thought that Izuku would be the one who would shower his s/o with gifts on valentines like he doesn’t do that already on normal days, then you are hundred and one percent right.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who comes at your place at 6 in the morning to surprise you with tons of heart shape thingies ?? Heart shaped balloons, Heart shaped red velvet cake, Heart shaped Chocolates, Heart Shaped Cupcakes. You name a thing and he has it there, and that too in a heart shape.

“Who is- O my god Izu ??? What are you doing here this early ??” Rubbing off the drool from your chin you looked at Izuku with wide eyes who was almost carrying a mini bakery in his hands. “I was just excited to see you. Be my valentines ??” he extends all the stuff he was carrying in his arms and gives you the sweetest smile ever that you could never refuse to. Like you could ever say no to him.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who would show you each and everything he for you.

“Gosh Izu~ this is too much. How would I eat everything ??” you chuckled at his sweet gesture. “But I really appreciate you for doing all this. How about I show you something that I got for you ?”.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who would become really excited about your reaction that you could almost see his imaginary tail wagging and perked up ears.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who gets a mini shock attack when you give him a kiss t-shirt ?? He wants all them on his lips. He Would definitely beg you to kiss him with non-stain proof lipstick all over him.

"Did you made this ?" He was really whipped. "Yes Baby. Do you like it ?" "OFCOURSE I DO. CAN I HAVE THEM ON MY LIPS ??" "ofcourse baby." You chuckled at his energy.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku would point out every empty space on his body.

"And here" "Here too" "There is some space as well !!"

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who would be confused when you would tell him that the gift is still waiting for him. But his confusion is replaced with hard breath and blood rush when you come out of the wardrobe in a very sexy piece. Small ribbon bows tied on your stiff nipples and covered with a very shear see through net top, garter belt attached with lacy thongs decorated with an embroided "IZUKU" in front and a pom pom ball in the back, mist sprayed all over your body giving an illusion of sweat, your half lidded eyes eye fucking him and your glossy lips parted just for him.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who can feel his boner strapped tight in his jeans that's rubbing with every movement of his body. He tries to adjust himself under your gaze and he props himself up, attempting to hide the massive bulge.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who shudders when you chuckle and prop yourself on his lap, right above his ehm ehm. You give his lips a peck, then take his breath away by sliding your tongue over his. He's so stunned he almost forgets to kiss you back, until he regains an inch of composure and starts licking and sucking at you.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who gets absolute pufferfish when you ask him to word what he wants. He blushes and tries to tell you but gets absolutely crazy when you distract him by planting butterflies on his neck, poking and picking his nipples and grinding his tent through his jeans.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who becomes a stuttering mess and can’t even form proper words. But whenever he tries, gets poked or teased by you. He feels his jeans staining and mouth drooling. He knows better to tell you than keeping his words to himself.

"Baby, tell me," your delicate fingers trace the ink up his neck to where it stops at his jaw, "tell me what you need." "W-want-" he stutters and breathes hard. You smile sweetly, giving a kitten lick to his neck. “Hmm ?? what were you saying ?? you need to tell me what you want” “I-It it… Hu… hur” he again shuts up when you slowly grind his nipples with yours. “What is it Zuku ?? kitten I can’t help you if you don’t tell me. You’ll tell mommy what you want right ??” you mewl at him.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who short circuited when he heard you. The new nick name travelled straight to his dick

“Mm… Momm… Mommyy… It-It-Hr-hurts.” Izuku complains with fat tears in his eyes.

“Where does it hurt baby ?” you coo at him. “H-Here.” C-could you please k-kiss it better ??” Izuku points out at the massive tent that you are grinding on past few minutes. “is this,” you look up at him through narrowed eyes, “is this where it hurts, love?” Another small twitch is felt, a nonverbal answer. “you want me to kiss this better, do you?” You tilt your head to the side, silently urging him to say it out loud himself.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who nods frantically, his breath shallow and rapid, unable to form coherent words to express his urgent need and the intensity of his longing that he's been holding onto for what feels like an eternity.- what he’s willing to do for if, it’s all the confirmation you need to pull his pants down without wasting a second.

he’s hard, painfully so. Unable to resist, you reach for the tip, softly hovering at his clothed lenght, almost teasing him . “aww,” You flicked his cock beneath his boxers that sprang back once again “my darling baby.” A squeal escapes from his lips and he lets out long drawn whimpers. “don’t worry about the pain anymore,” you reassure him, he lets out low whimpers and moans that were once again captured by your lips. “i’ll take care of you. But as much as I love your voice, I want you to keep quiet. You know, all of my neighbours are at home. We don't want little kids to hear your filthy whimpers do we ??" you poked his lenght with your manicured nail.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who has no idea what you have for him. He gets all wide eyed when you tie his hands with the headboard and his legs with corners of the bed. You slowly hover over him and removes all unnecessary clothing except for his boxers. Which seem so torturous for the poor baby.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who gapes at the sight of gag that you tie to his mouth, but more painful was the part where you just sat on his tent and start grinding, while continuously sucking and nibing his nipples.

His legs are shaking, you realise, and you haven't even done anything yet. Drool and tears roll down his face, as he involuntarily rubs himself against you. Gently, you thumb the slit and stroke his pulsing cock, eyes flickering to his face to see how he likes it. It was so painful to watch him, that you finally inched down his boxers, resulting in a broken sigh from Izuku. "you like this, do you?" you laugh softly when his eyes practically roll back in his head, your tongue kitten licking that angry, fat tip of his - flushed a dark shade of cerise that looks absolutely delicious. “patience, love.” falling apart beneath your touch — poor baby’s just burning up — you lean back for a moment, letting saliva pool in your mouth before you spit on his shaft. You use a finger to prod at his entrance, eyes slightly widening at the feeling. “Wow love, you are so wet. You're dripping all over your legs and the pillows,” You murmur in astonishment, dragging your finger around the hole.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who whines in embarrassment, cheeks flushed from his heat, and now from humilation.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku who wants you. he wants all of you, and in return he’ll give you everything that he is. he’ll do anything for you, absolutely anything, all you have to do is order!

You fingers continue to drag along the area inches from his now hard dick, eyeing it contently. It sticks up proud, and seems to be begging to be touched. You smile and turn back to him, watching the way his chest raises from his breath in steady motions. you wrap your hands around his length, tighter than before, his pre leaves your hands a sticky mess. you look up at him, “eyes on me,” you say simply, adoring the way his lashes flatter as he look down at you with hearts in his hooded eyes, tears slipping down his freckled cheeks, a thin sheen of sweat coating his skin as he struggles to catch his breath. He whips his head back and forth and whines into the gag. It comes out as a broken plea. You start stroking his lenght at a very fast pace that gets him see starts in the dim light of your room.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku whose body goes limp from the pleasure, mind having overheated as he practically melts like butter, when ropes of white liquid shoot out, resulting a complete mess.

Sub!BoyfriendIzuku whose eyes go all wide when he sees you fisting his cock once more and swirling around the tip once again.

It’s gonna be a long valentine

Tag List - @a4g3lstarfire, @marum0fubiy0ri

[izaanagi]

lowk who do u think in haikyuu would get freaky in one of those red telephone boxes in the uk cuz i was in london a few weeks ago and randomly thought of it 🤔

If there you wouldn’t expect is for Miya Osamu, very diligent, very demure owner of one of the most successful business in Japan, to become such a different person as he steps into another continent.

And yet, Osamu is simply transforming in front of your eyes; he kisses you on your lips whenever he looks at you, his hands are always somehow touching you and the look in his eyes is that of a famished predator that has finally ogled his perfect prey.

However, it all comes to its peak as you’re walking down the streets in London, dusk long settled - and one of those old red telephone booths comes into view.

“Have you ever been inside one of those?” Osamu asks, his nose touching your jaw as he turns towards you.

“No, never. I did not have the chance,” you answer, just shrugging, thinking nothing of it. But when a small grin appears on Osamu’s face, you know there is something wrong.

“C’mon,” he tugs at your wrist, making you following him right to the booth, and inside. There are only a couple people walking by, and Osamu loses no time by kissing you on your mouth, your bodies touching from top to bottom in the tight space.

It’s not the first time you guys make out in public, but Osamu’s hands are travelling over your shirt, carefully avoiding your breasts. But then he veers off course and his mouth simply plummets towards your collarbone, sucking and licking hard enough for a hickey to form instantly.

“Hey, big boy, why don’t we get home and continue whatever you want to do to me?” You ask, unsure of what’s going on Osamu’s mind as his hand finally ventures underneath the fabric of the shirt, cold against your skin.

He is nose deep in your cleavage as the words, “Don’t wanna,” leave his mouth, and he’s already unclasping your bra. Shuffling around, Osamu’s head is beneath your shirt, your right nipple getting twisted in his mouth and your left at the mercy of his hand’s ministrations. He tugs and turns, twirls and squeezes as his teeth clamp on your sensitive spot, licking your rock bud, tugging and then lapping at it.

“Osamu,” you call. All he does is to suck harder, your breath hitching. He switches to your left nipple to be played with, while his hand is already venturing further down, first on your hips and then your ass. He grabs a handful to press you against himself even better, his erection evident in his pants. “Osamu,” you call again.

Yet all he does is push his knee between your legs, opening them enough so that his hand can go and knead your pussy above your pants. You clamp your hand on his, trying to stop him from getting you an orgasm out in public. “Hey, Osamu, I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to do it here.”

Osamu takes his head out of the shirt, your nipples getting the full brunt of the cold wind, making them painfully harder.

“Why not?” He smiles.

“It’s…,” you blush.

“It’s what?” He teases, stealing a kiss.

“Improper,” you finish.

Yet his hand is still on your pussy, his fingers working to put the zipper down, and move away your pink panties and find your clit to rub at it.

“I want to see you try and walk home with your panties wet with cum,” he whispers, shame nowhere to be seen.

“How are you gonna walk with that boner between youe legs?”

All he does is pressing your hand against himself, heat already attaching itself as vapor at the windows of the booth. “You can fix it,” he smirks.

Then it’s only a battle of glances as he continues stimulating your pussy and kissing you to make your capitulate.

“You’re a sly, shameless bastard,” you chide you, as his stiff cock makes contact with your hand and he hisses. The pre cum helps your hand slide up and down, and it’s so stupid, yet liberating as you see his orgasm build up in his eyes and the twitches of his cock as you works up, already two fingers in deep.

“And you love for it,” he responds, seeking the drop of pleasure before both of you come crashing to the reality of what you’ve just done.

[captainlondonman]

Car Repair Bear

There was something about the local car repair garage that made Danny look in every time he passed. Above the door was a dirty sign saying Bear Repairs. In fact it was not something but someone. There was only ever one guy there but almost every time Danny slowed up enough to look in, if the guy was in full view Danny could immediately start to feel his cock swell. Christ it was not as if the guy was some hunk, in fact he was quite the opposite. He was at least 185cms high thick set ,in fact more that that he had a good sized beer belly and he was hairy as hell. He was always in a dirty and oily blue overall which was invariably open almost down to his navel , probably because it was too tight on him but it made his hairy belly bulge out through the wide gap. He had a thick silver chain around his neck and tattoos around his neck. His hands were real mechanic hands thick fingered with dirty ingrained nails and such hairy hands. He wore thick toe capped boots up to his knees with the top part folded over. His neck was as  thick as his head and he had a real bruiser face as if he had been in several street fights. Hair closely shaved with a heavy 3 day growth. There was always a ciggie hanging out one side of his mouth.. An oily rag stuck out from his rear pocket.

Danny got so turned on by this large bear bellied man, a real man that he often had to cover up his boner and then wank furiously when he got home. It reminded him of Mr Barton the school teacher. He was large with his shirt buttons always ready to split and his trousers belted tight so his belly poured out over his trousers. He obviously wore no underwear as when he walked down the classroom Danny could easily see the outline of his thick cock swinging in the baggy trousers. Every time Mr Barton passed by Danny’s hand went down to his cock under the table and stroked himself until he had a stonking hard on.

As Danny passed by the repair shop one day he saw a car driving in and a large guy in a suit, shirt and tie  get out. Christ it was Mr Barton. Jesus how could he and the repair guy be together it was almost too much. He decided he had to get closer and managed to get in whilst they were talking and hid behind a machine.

He heard Mr. Barton say ‘I’ve come for a service’.

‘Sure mate, I’ve been expecting you but it ain’t the car that’s needing serviced is it? I’d better close the door while we deal with your servicing.

The owner walked so close to Danny that he almost could have touched him. He closed the doors and as he turned to look at Mr. Barton he said

‘I knew you’d be hot. I can see that thick dick of your hard as anything from here. Don’t worry I’ll give you the full service.’

As the two men came together Mr. Barton put his hand out and grabbed the owners coverall pulling him in and then putting his hand down inside to grab hold of his cock.

‘Tell you what Les that cock of yours I dream off when I’m fucking the wife. Let me get it out and admire before I get my mouth down the shaft. I love sucking your dick and feeling all that hair on your belly rubbing against my mouth.’

Danny could now see Les’s fully erect dick. It had a thick vein on the underside and was clearly circumsized with a huge head. It must have been a full 9 inches and more like 10.

With his legs wide apart Les said

‘Well Barton as you like it that much get down on your fucking knees and get a whiff. Nice and oily and I know you like me to not have washed any piss off. You like it dirty eh?’

Mr Barton got down in front of Les to look at the boner in front  of him.

‘Shit that’s some cock. No wonder I keep coming back for a service.’

‘Look you faggot this is just the start’ and with that Les got hold of Mr Barton’s tine and yanked him up so his mouth was level with his cockhead.

‘No softly’ softly today mate, I need to feel that mouth of yours go the whole way down.’

With hand still pulling on the tie Les took his other arm and placed his beefy hand behind Barton’s head.

‘That’s it now open wide and start to get it down you. I want to feel you take my whole dick and have your lips in amongst my thick pubes so you can feel my belly pressed against you. That’s it mate let me help you and I’ll push it down yer throat.’

Barton started to gag slightly as he tried to fully open his mouth.

‘Quit the gagging you pussy and take it like a real man.’

With his hand still behind Barton’s head he pressured more and more guiding with force so his cock sunk more and more into his mouth

‘That’s it let me feel all your spit around my shaft.’

Letting one hand go from the tie Les then put both hands around Barton’s head and started to move it further in and then out.

‘That’s fucking better. You’ve got the hang of it. Jesus you so love cock. So you want the full service. So we’d better sort out that arse of yours. Get off the ground and lean over your car.’

Barton stood up the saliva from all his sucking was running down his chin.

‘Get your jacket off and I’ll do the rest’ Les snapped.

As Barton leant over the car Les took his hand and slapped hard three times causing Barton to jerk.

‘Christ careful man I can’t have the wife see me with weal marks on my arse.’

‘Well she might well be seeing all my cum running out of your arse anyway.’

Les put his muscle d arms around Barton and undid his belt. ‘You’ve been putting on a few pounds recently. Just how I like my men. Nice and beefy with a good hairy belly and bulging arse. No matter how much it bulges I love getting my cock up through the depths and into the hole.’

Les pulled down the trousers so they were set at the ankles.

‘I can feel that precum of yours on your trousers. You’ll have to something about that before you get home.’

‘You’ve a great big arse on you man. Just perfect and all that spit of yours has my cock ready to thrust right into you.’

From his position Danny could see Les’s  thick cock which he had his hand around ready to enter. Danny cock was oozing precum. He had never see two big bellied bear men have sex together but had dreamt it. Now here he was a voyeur watching one man about to fuck the living day lights out of another , his ex teacher and his own cock was straining to get out of his joggers, in fact it was tenting to such an extent that he looked as he had a pole down inside and there was a large precum stain just as his cock head rubbed against his nylon  joggers.

He watched Les take hold of each arse cheek and pull them wide apart so he could slip his cock int between to force his arse head open.

You’ve taken this dick a few times Barton so that hole of yours is ready for my prick. It’ll slide up a dream once I get past the opening and you can feel me force it right up to the hilt. Shit you have one great hairy arse. Your arse hairs and my pubes rubbing together eh?’

And with that Les sank his cock right in letting go of the cheeks as he did so the hairy arse sprang back over ’Les’s cock.

‘Bet you love being taken on your own car. Now let me grab that cock of yours while I fuck and well get that juice of yours over the bonnet nice and thick.’

With his hands firmly around Bartons belly and grasping his cock Les started to ram his own dick in and out faster and faster but each time making sure he forced it in the whole way. Barton’s arse started to react and he moved his fat arse back and forth so he could feel the full thrust

‘Fuck me man, go the whole way with your service and let me feel that spunk of yours shooting so far up I a can almost feel it in my mouth. I already have that salty taste of your precum in me.’

‘Shit Barton you’re a great fuck. Always has me coming big time so lets finish this off as my balls are ready to break and shoot my cum up you. I can feel that cock of yours pulsating and ready.’

Danny had his own cock out his hand firmly working the full length of his shaft. He knew he was going to cum, he was almost breathless with excitement watching these two guys humping. Les’s thrusting was even causing the car to move.

‘I’m fucking ready to spear you Barton so get ready to take my spunk. It’s coming. Fuuuuck.’ and with that he shot his cum forcing his body tight into Barton’s cheeks and with his final lunge Barton let out a long moan as his spunk shot through Les’s hands and over the bonnet of the car in thick creamy wads.

It was too much for Danny who had to put one hand over his mouth to stifle his orgasm and as he arched his body his spunk shot out across the machine leaving a thick white stream running down the shaft.

Les let his cock slide out and as he tucked his dick back intohis blue coverall he wiped his hand over his cock head to remove the final bit of cum and then smeared it over the coverall.

‘Now get those trousers belted. That was a hell of service. I needed that and by the way your body was wobbling around you needed to shoot your bolt.

Just as well the car doesn’t need much servicing.’

‘Better get back to school so open up and let me out .’

Still wiping his coverall and giving his hairy chest a rub, Les opened the doors just a meter away from him. Barton got into his car and drove out giving a wave.

‘It won’t be long until I’m back for more,’ he shouted out the window

As Les turned round to walk back to his workbench so Danny was quietly able to slip out

Like anything that gives you such a turn on once you have watched just one time you need to see more and your cock tells you that you need to cum again. He could not believe that he had seen his ex teacher being fucked and his cock erupting with spunk. In bed that night he started dreaming and he was back at school and Barton was walking up and down in the classroom almost brushing his pot belly against Danny’s shoulder. Every now and again the teacher would stop and slightly bend over Danny’s book so his belly rubbed against his head. At these times his eyes were staring right at Barton’s crotch. He could see the outline stretching down one inside leg and now that he had actually seen it he knew what was going on in his inside leg. As Barton bent over to ask a question so Danny’s hand came up and started to stroke his cock and balls through his thick trousers. As he did so Barton pushed himself closer into Danny and he could feel the softness of his chest. The more he cupped Barton’s cock the more Barton let his belly push in to the point that Danny could almost feel his body vanishing into the thick mass. Barton’s cock grew bigger and bigger and by now it was positively erect pushing against the fabric needing to be taken out. Danny unzipped and let his hand in to fondle the stiff prick and heavy balls. He had to force Barton’s cock out such was its length. It seemed even bigger and thicker than he had seen at the garage. Barton’s cock was now staring at Danny’s mouth the massive head gleaming with precum.. All Danny wanted was to take the full length and feel his head totally buried in Barton’s chest. Barton took hold of Danny’s head and directed his mouth to the tip forcing his mouth open pushing his heavily veined prick into his mouth so Danny could take the flow of spunk, Danny could feel every thrust but he could take it all and wanted every inch his saliva juicing around the shaft. He could feel the heat from Barton’s body and the smell as a couple of buttons popped open and his hairy chest deep into Danny’s face. Danny could feel the throbbing, he knew Barton was ready to shoot.

Suddenly the dream finished and as Danny woke up breathing hard his body arched upwards and without even having his hand over his cock, it spewed cum all the way up his chest. What a dream but sadly not real.

The next day Danny was immediately drawn back to the garage and he decided that he could still hide and at last watch the horny guy in his oiled stained overalls. As he worked on a car so the ciggie still hung out one side of the mouth and every now and again he would take his hand and shove it down the open front to give his balls a rub.. That alone made Danny’s trackies tent with his stiff prick.

Suddenly Danny heard a noise behind him and outside the door the local council workie was parking his cart. He was a big guy, his hair shaved at the sides but the top part gelled back into a ponytail. He had a thick droopy moustache and his whole body looked as if he had done very little exercise. Wide shoulders but with a thick protruding beer belly. His dirty white T shirt was too tight and had risen up to show an expansive hairy belly which hung over his yellow thick belted Hi Viz trousers. He has a yellow matching nylon sleeveless jacket and then a thick yellow dirty HIViz jacket and was kept open to show off his massive body.

As he walked in he said ‘Hey Les it’s Thursday you know I always drop by for a blow job. By the time I get here I am always stiff as a poker thinking of that mouth of yours around my cock.’

‘Christ man you should not be walking around the street looking like that. Your fucking cock is sticking out a mile in those Hi Viz. And don’t worry I know the day of the week and have just been giving myself a nice rub waiting for you. So close the door and lets get on with it.’

The binman walked up to Les and putting his arm around his neck pulled him in to tongue him.

‘Shit where have you been today mate you’re stinking.’

‘Thought you liked that.’

‘I fucking do and whatever that it is it’s sure making me even hornier. Hope you’ve not washed yourself in a couple of days as I always like that cock of your stinking of dried piss.’

‘Don’t worry I make sure its rank for you.’

Les rubbed his hands up and down the HiViz nylon crotch.

‘Christ you are really hard today.’

‘So what you waiting for,’ the binman replied undoing his wide leather belt and letting his HiViz trousers slide over his erect cock and balls.

‘Jesus I didn’t think you have washed your prick for a week. What a fucking great smell.’ As Les let himself sink to his knees so he opened the remaining couple of buttons of his overall and brought out his own cock letting his heavy set balls flip out.

‘Big man, big cock’, Les said as he took hold of the binman’s balls and squeezed them firmly yanking them down so he could feel them both. As he did. so did the binman’s cock sprang up so it was almost vertical. Bill let his tongue lick over the binman’s head allowing him to savour the dried up piss.

‘Christ you are fucking high. Love it man.’

Holding the binman’s cock Les let his tongue travel down the full shaft making sure he savoured every inch until his tongue had licked the thick bushy pubes. As his tongue worked around the shaft so the binman’s cock reacted waving around. It had a nice banana shape making it look even more erect. Les brought his tongue back to the glistening head having now covered the shaft with his spit. He was ready to suck. Still holding the full length of the prick Les opened wide and let his mouth take in the head pausing to fill his mouth with more spit and little by little he let it slide down the shaft and all the time breathing in the pungent smell of stale piss. Once his mouth was taking in the full length, Les let his hands reach up to rub over the nylon of the HiViz. He loved HiViz gear and would often lounge about it at home when he felt horny. He let his hands move over the binman’s belly and ruck up his T shirt more so he could feel the full expanse. And tangle his hands in the mass of chest hair.

He started moving his head in and out, the spit drooling down his chin and the quicker he did it so he took one hand away and brought it down on to his own shaft. The binman was clearly ready to explode and so Les wanked himself faster and faster while feeling the guys cock throbbing for his orgasm.

‘I’m ready Les so swallow that cum of mine all the way down. The binman gave a final lunge into Les’s mouth and reached his orgasm, the spunk coming out too fast for Les to swallow so it gurgled out of his mouth and rolled down his chin on and onto his coverall. Feeling so much cum in his mouth mixed with the smell of piss was too much and Les let rip with his own cum across the floor some shooting onto the binman’s dirty worn boots.

‘I love fucking Thursdays man working on that cock of yours’

‘If you fucking love them so do I, getting rid of my cum. I always like to save some up for you mate.’

The two guys sorted them selves out and the Binman opened the door to go out . Danny had been so excited and transfixed that he had not managed to get his dribbling cock out for a wank. He could feel his cock tight against the machine and as he moved so a small part fell to the floor. Before Danny had time to figure anything out Les was across and dragged him out.

‘I fucking knew someone had been in when I saw spunk marks on the floor around here. And now you’ve been getting off watching me do a blow job, you little cretin. Get off on all this do you? Of course you fucking do look at that prick of your’s tenting in your trackies. Didn’t manage to cum then, though you’ve got a bloody large patch of precum on you. So what am I going to do with you. I’m not into skinny lad like you so not much point in wasting a fuck.’

‘I’m not into skinny lads either. I love real men with lots of hair and bellies. The bigger the better. I so often wish I was a bear  as you always go for each other which leaves me out of it. I so wish I was a a hairy bear and had the life you guys have. Feeling a bears pot belly would be perfect for me.’

‘Christ you are a horny little runt and its clear you would prefer to be a nice stinking hairy bear instead of your miserable little self.’

Les took hold of Danny shoulder

‘Right come with me. Time to sort you out.’

Danny was dragged across the floor and Les opened a door into what looked like a car spray booth.

‘Get yourself in there,’ as he threw Danny inside and then locked the door.

Danny was terrified. He was locked in a windowless room with the garage owner furious and clearly wanting some form of revenge. How long was he going to be kept inside and he had no phone to get a message out. He was stuck and there seemed little point in shouting due to the thick walls. As he huddled himself in a corner he was suddenly aware of some steam coming into the room. Just at first a little stream of steam but it quickly started to build up until he could feel himself enfolded by it. It seemed only steam as he was not choking or felt as it he was being poisoned. In fact it felt warm and comfortable. However as the steam became thicker so he was aware that his clothes seemed to be almost melting and sliding off his body. The steam had removed them and as he put his hand over his body he realized that he was totally naked. The steam continued to build up around him and he then started to feel a change to his body which he could not understand. It was as though he was being pulled apart, being stretched. He felt bigger, wider and yes even much taller. Even his face was being pulled apart. He could feel the blood rushing around his body surging warmth. It felt good in fact it felt bloody great to the point he was almost getting aroused.  He wanted to understand what was going on to his body so in the thick fog started to let his hands move over himself.

‘Christ was this me. Is this really my body?’

The first thing was his whole body seemed covered in a thick mass of hair, from his belly all the way up to his neck and as he put his hands behind him the hair seemed all over his back. Not just a little covering but curly thick hair. But as he brought his hands back to his belly he realized that he no longer had a cute waist but he seemed to have a large extended belly also hairy. There was no waist.

In shock he put his hands up to his face. Where was that smooth face that rarely needed shaving. Instead his hands fondled a thick beard all the way round his mouth and even thick into his neck. It was as if his body hair had come up and spread all across his head but wait, his head was bald. Smooth, all his head hair had gone. He started to feel his hands where were the long slender fingers. It was as if he now had slabs as fingers, thick with hair. He didn’t know what to think but the feeling kept changing because slowly he was no longer feeling naked. He put his hand to his chest and was aware he was now wearing a rubber vest which was making him sweat, it was tight against his body showing every outline. But there was more, he was now in something that seemed like an coverall all open at the front with rolled up sleeves and his feet were clearly in heavy boots.

His head started to go blank and he felt dizzy. He knew there was a change but could not figure it out. But something was erasing all his thoughts, he could hardly remember his name and what his history was. He struggled to regain himself but it was too late. For a moment there was a blank and then he could feel himself rough, tough and wanting to get out, his throat felt different, harder, and he knew his voice had changed.

‘Get me out of here you fucking moron.’ He suddenly shouted his voice much deeper and with a strong local accent.

The steam stated to evaporate and leave the room. The door clicked open and Danny stormed out.

‘What has fucking gone on’

‘Jesus’ Les replied ‘I didn’t ever expect you to look this this. The way you look is only because it’s the person you have wanted to be and bloody hell man what a fucking great bear you make. Have a look at yourself.’

Danny stood legs apart staring at the dirty mirror.

‘Fuuuucking great man. Shit what a hairy bear I now am and look the part of your mate in my coverall. I’m no longer Danny, what a fucking boyish name. I’m Dan from now on and I ain’ going back.’

Dan could not take his eyes of his new look. His black rubber vest had inched up  his hairy chest which was pushing out from his half open coverall, the sleeves were rolled out to show off thick hairy and tattooed arms, both arms totally covered in tats. His neck was as thick as his head and looked more so with the black curly bushy beard. Dan rubbed his hands over his shaved head.

Again he shouted ‘Fuuuucking great.’

His hand then moved down to his crotch as seeing this image of himself had started to make feel so horny.

‘Just as well my dick is the right proportion . It feels thick and meaty and by Christ its inching down my leg needing release and you Les are gonna give me that. Get over here As Les approached so Dan picked up a knife and then quickly turned Bill round using the knife to make a hole in the rear of his coverall just at arse level.

‘I wanna fuck you in your coverall. I know you have a great cock and I can get that up me later but now its my turn to shag you good and proper.

Dan undid to last two buttons and thrust his hand down his coverall leg giving himself and good rub before yanking it out. Les could feel the massive head rubbing against his cheeks.

‘Think you need some lube man to take this big prick of mine.’

Dan got hold of the oil can from the bench and smeared a great dollop over his cock rubbing it in.

‘We’re both dirty bear mechanics so you might as well have some of your gear up you. Get your legs apart. I wanna fuck you upright. Jesus that’s some fucking great thick prick I have. Nice thick vein and love it way it gets thicker and thicker up to my pubes. Means I can get inside you not too badly and then you can feel it more and more as I drive up to the hilt.’

Spreading Les’s heavy hairy cheeks apart Dan started to ease his well oiled cock deep into Les’s arse. He could almost hear it pop as it got past the entry and as he pushed more and more so Les groaned more heavily.

‘Shit if you wanted a big dick then you certainly got one. If feels fucking great. What a fuck.’ Dan sank his cock in until his coverall was rubbing against Les’s arse. He stopped when fully in and brought his hands around to Les’s chest opening up his coverall more so he could start massaging Bill’s nipples. They were big brown and stuck out just like a real bear of a man. Les groaned even more.

‘Don’t just rub them mate give me a good going over and nip and pull, sends me crazy.’

Dan started tightening his grip on the nipples and feeling them stretched made Dan feel even hornier.

‘I fucking love working a mates tits.’ Dan started to slide his cock in and out at first slowly almost to the point of taking his dick fully out and then rather than gently sliding back in he rammed. Les was loving his tits being worked so he started letting his arse move in rythnm to Dan’s cock lunges. Dan could feel himself sweating with his rubber vest and his chest hair was glistening underneath and he could smell his manly odour form his armpits. Good strong and what a bear should smell like.

The smell , Les’s tits and the feel of his cock tight in Les’s arse was working Dan up to a frenzy. Les could feel the throbbing cock and put his hand over his own thick dick taking some oil from the same can so his hand slid up and down as the oil dripped onto the floor but his cock glowed with oil and precum.. He was forcing himself back onto Dan;s cock as though he wanted to be speared.

Dan shouted,

‘I’m about to let my load right up you. Just hope it shoots out your bloody mouth mate.’

‘Go for it Dan my own cock is ready to burst.’

With a final shove dan shot his load up Les’s arse and Les shot his spunk out over the floor, with creamy white stains all over the floor.

The two men took their greasy hands over their faces to wipe off the sweat.

‘Now I know what it’s like to be a bear and I never want to go back. Fucking great man.’

‘Well Dan you might as well stay on as a mechanic I could do with some help so I’m not shagging all the time but at least getting some car repairs done.

‘Suits me mate. Mind you after that fuck it will be difficult not to keep wanting some more sessions and having seen you own cock I fancy that up my bum.’

‘Don’t worry I’ll give you one soon enough. It might also make it a bit more fun for some of our customers if there are two of us.’

‘Make sure when Barton is back I get to fuck him. That’s a dream to come true.’

‘Forget the dreams Dan its now reality, you are bruiser of a bear.’

[normanshandsxx]

Negan Smith Smutty HC’s

18+ content, you’re responsible for what media you consume.

Negan is obviously VERY kinky. it’s even cannon

Consensual non consent, whenever and wherever.

Everyone in the sanctuary can hear you, but they know Negan will kill them if they said even one thing about it. (Simon makes jokes every once in a while, but Negan lets it slide. Only sometimes.)

When Negan is kept in the cell at Alexandria, you totally sneak inside at night to fuck.

He loves calling you pet names, his favorite one is either “baby doll” or “sweetheart” (just my opinion!)

When you and him first started fucking, he was super gentle, but now he can’t contain himself. He always makes you so sore right after, and despite him being an asshole to everyone else—and even you sometimes—he gives the best aftercare. Like, THE BEST.

He is so in love with your body. Constantly grabbing onto you and having you hang off of his arm, his hand is ALWAYS touching your waist, even when he’s holding lucille.

He LOVES to show off. He loves people getting jealous, because that just means he gets to piss them off more when he grabs your ass or neck.

When you two are alone, he is always saying some horny shit. Negan, as we know, is a VERY horny guy (we love it). Everytime you look down he has a pulsing boner. You can’t recall the last time you two had been together alone and not fucked.

(Hear me out on this one) His dick has GOT to be long. at least six and a half inches, a little over 7 if i’m pushing it. It’s not very thick but it’s definitely thick enough, and it’s VERYYY veiny. During the time at the Santuary, he always kept it trimmed and nice.

“Shut the hell up and take it.”

“You think you can’t? I’ll make you.”

“Your pussy is the prettiest I’ve ever seen, doll,”

“Mhm, knew you could take it. Juuust like that baby.”

“I’m not even close to being done with you.”

“You fuck so much better than all my wives,”

“You’re my favorite.”

“My girl, my good/bad sweet girl..”

“No one else gets this pussy, not like I do.”

After fucking the attitude out of you, he tells you “See? I knew all you needed was a good fuck. Just from me though..” or something along the lines of that.

He found an old camera one time, deleted all the pictures and videos from the previous owner and replaced it with your nudes and y’all’s sex tapes. He rewatches them all the time.

Tying you up. With anything. Cuffs he found, his shirt, your shirt, a blanket, whatever there is.

When you’re not around, he always touches himself. He even rubs one out on a run if he needs to, but he can’t shake the thought of how much better it’d be because of you.

Creampie’s. All the time. He always makes people go out for runs to get some kind of contraceptive, as long as he can cum inside of you. If he absolutely can’t, he always makes you suck him off and cum into your mouth. He hates having to clean up his own mess, when he knows it could and SHOULD be inside of you. No acceptions. But you love it, it’s Negan!

Breeding kink. ^^

His favorite position is cowgirl. Second favorite is fucking you from behind while you’re on your side.

He’s very good with his fingers, they’re slender and long, and he basically scoops you out like you’re a bowl full of food, and he’s determined to finish his food.

He’s VERY good at the finger + mouth combo. Like… too good.

He loves how sensitive you are, and he knows what he’s doing when he “innocently” grabs your waist or kisses your neck out of nowhere.

He brags about you to Rick and everyone in Alexandria (Saviors era) ALL the time. He brings you on every run to visit them, his hand never leaving your waist while he talks everyone’s ear off. He talked you into fucking on Rick’s bed one time…

I think that’s it… for now. I needed something to post to get my mind going for ideas about any fanfics. Thank you for reading xx

[cashiedoodles]

The owner of the boner shirt.

[sadhours]

neon lights pt. 2 | b.h x reader

18+ minors dni - prev chapter . next chapter contents: adult themes, brief mentions of smut, gambling addiction Your eyes open one at a time, uncovering the blonde sleeping soundly in front of you. You gasp, sitting up abruptly and looking down at your bodies to confirm your suspicion. You’re both naked, covered by your deep purple sheets. Shit, you did it, you slept with your roommate. You two must’ve tripped into it in a drunken stupor. That much is evident as your head pounds and you see the bottle of Jameson more than half empty on your nightstand. You groan, feeling the soreness between your legs and looking over at Billy sleeping without a care in the world next to you. If only you’d remembered it.

“Billy,” you shove him awake, pulling the sheets up to cover your chest. “Billy, wake up!”

He moans out, “Five more minutes, please.”

“No! Billy, we had sex last night. Wake up!” you demand, the dull pain piercing through your head as you yell.

He abruptly sits up, eyes wide now as he peeks under the covers at his lack of clothes. “Maybe we just got naked? Maybe we didn’t actually do it,” he reasons, turning to you with worry in his eyes.

“Oh we did. I can feel it,” you counter.

He rubs his eyebrows between his hand, squinting his eyes shut. Some flashes of the night appearing behind them. Drunken laughs as he propped your leg up, his face between them. He remembers faintly the MTV playing on television as he ate you out, your fingers roughly pulling at his curls. He feels his dick fill out beneath the sheets, pitching a tent for you to see.

You groan, “Oh, god, Billy!”

“I can’t help it!” he says defensively, trying to will the boner away.

“This is bad, we can’t do this,” you tell him, standing up and when he sees your naked figure, he knows his erection isn’t going away anytime soon.

You throw on the first thing you find but Billy’s giving you an awkward smile, “That’s my shirt.”

You take it off and throw it at him, seeing him squirm from his obvious arousal. “Ugh, can you get rid of that thing?!”

Billy gets off the bed, the sheet leaving to reveal his member bouncing as he stands up. Oh, no, he’s huge, you groan. “Billy!” You exclaim and he quickly covers it with his shirt, excusing himself to the bathroom. And then you’re imagining him stroking himself behind the closed door. God this was bad, that’s why this is bad. Billy was not your usual type, he was too pretty. You liked your men a little rough looking, biker dudes usually your go to. Billy was just too attractive for it to not be dangerous. He was the kind of dude you’d throw your whole life away for if he’d asked. Which was not good. You’d had it once before and that man had left because you wouldn’t quit dancing.

When Billy emerges, his hairs wet and you picture him jacking off in the shower. No! You shake your head, pouring yourself a cup of coffee and crack an egg in the pan you’d been heating up.

“Ah, and she cooks breakfast afterwards,” Billy says with a smirk, walking into the kitchen dressed in lounge clothes. You’d wished one of you were scheduled today so you wouldn’t have to talk about what happened.

“Shut up,” you seethe and Billy pours himself a cup of coffee, bringing to his lips and sipping it eagerly.

You grab the creamer from the fridge to sweeten your coffee, slapping Billy’s hand when he reaches for the bacon you’d just pulled out of the pan. It could be so easy to just fall into things since you two already lived together. But you knew what would happen. He smiles when he hears meowing, walking over to the pantry and grabbing a can of cat food and you mentally slap yourself for forgetting to feed her. Billy kneels down in front of her bowl, dumping of the tuna as she rubs against his legs. With a grateful meow aimed at Billy, your cat eats. You hadn’t been the best owner and Billy really picked up your slack.

“Hungry girl, eh Truffle?” he says, scratching behind her ear.

“Slipped my mind,” you curse, flipping your egg and reaching for the pack of smokes on the counter. You light one up as Billy shrugs.

“That’s what I’m here for,” he smiles and takes a cigarette for himself.

The nicotine feels nice but everything else makes you feel a bit nauseous, the first cigarette after a night of drinking was always the worst. You’d noticed the opposite seemed the case for Billy, having the smoke the first thing he did in the morning no matter what the night before was like. You crack another egg into the pan, dishing a plate up for Billy and handing it to him.

“Mm, thank you,” he hums, taking a seat at the table.

You don’t bring it up again until you’re doing the dishes, Billy coming up behind you and pressing sweet kisses up the back of your neck while his hands grab your hips. It feels amazing and in spite of what you know is right, you melt into his touch for a bit. But the moment is short lived, ripping your gloves off and turning to him.

“No, Billy,” you huff, “We can’t do that.”

He sighs and leans on the counter opposite from you, “Why not?”

“Because, it’ll complicate everything. The roommate thing works for me,” you explain. “Plus, we work together and in this line of work, I have to pretend like I want to fuck every man who walks in that building. You can’t possibly want to watch that if we’re romantically involved.”

Billy raises an eyebrow, “I’m a big boy, I’m fully aware of what your job entails.”

You shake your head, “I’m serious, okay? We can’t.”

He thinks for a beat, “Fine. We won’t. Back to business as usual.”

“Thank you,” you say, watching as he walks back to his room where you don’t see him for the rest of the day and that isn’t business as usual. You worry it’s already been ruined.

Luckily, things return to normal. Almost. Billy brings home women more often than before but you’re happy for him. The girls are always a little too loud, you think, screaming behind the paper thin walls. You roll your eyes whenever you hear it, they have got to be faking. You wished you remembered your guys’ night because maybe, just maybe Billy was actually that good. You’d never truly know.

Your sitting on the couch when Billy walks the latest one to the taxi he’d called for her. She’s very pretty, wearing a cocktail dress and very high heels. You wonder if he met her at the casino. He still had a gambling issue, but he wasn’t late on rent ever. Billy never paid for food but you didn’t mind feeding him. He made up for it in more ways than one. He’d been the perfect roommate.

He plops down beside you, cracking open a beer and lighting a cigarette. His face is all flushed with his blonde curls wildly roused but he still looks like those heartthrobs in the teenybopper magazines. It’s his pink, pouty lips and his blue eyes framed by thick eyelashes, you think. He sees you looking at him and asks, “Have I grown a second head or something?”

You scoff, turning your eyes back to the television, “No, you just look like you’ve done some strenuous activity.”

Billy chuckles, taking a swig of his beer after he humbly agrees, “That I did.”

He kicks his feet up on the coffee table and you roll your eyes, at least he took his boots off this time. “Gross,” you chide and snatch the cigarette from him, taking ownership of it. “Thanks for lighting me a cigarette.”

“Yeah, my pleasure,” he mumbles sarcastically, reaching for the Marlboro Reds again.

“Where’d you meet her?” you ask, bored of the rerun playing on the TV.

“Casino,” he whispers, like he’s ashamed of it.

“Oh so she was a hooker,” you joke, eyes still glued to the Gilligan’s Island episode.

“If she was, I got a helluva discount,” he furrows his brow.

You sigh when he says, “Free- ninety nine,” laughing as he does.

You wonder if you never fell victim to gambling because you grew up around it. Occasionally you would toss a couple dollars in a bartop game but you always got bored quick. Billy obviously loved gambling, he did it every single time he left the house. Sometimes you two would carpool when your shifts fell on the same times and after work, Billy would stop at the casino and you’d just sit and watch while you took advantage of the free drinks. You’d always tell him how boring it was to be at casinos. Especially since after work, you’d be all done up still but wearing something comfortable. You often got asked by scraggly men if you were a working girl and you’d run to Billy, begging him to leave. He usually left then, when you told him you were being creeped on. He’d actually been banned from one of the casinos for getting in a fight with a man who grabbed your arm when you tried to leave.

“So did ya win or lose?” you ask, playing with a loose string hanging from your tank top.

“Both,” he shrugs, “Lost money but it was a good night.”

“Speaking of that… power bill is due tomorrow,” you let him know.

“Yeah, I’ll give you my tips tomorrow,” he sighs and gets up, guzzling his beer down and crushing the can in his hand. “I’m going to bed.”

You don’t say anything else as he trails into the kitchen to toss his empty beer away before disappearing into his room.

-

Billy’s busy behind the bar, it’s packed tonight with a bachelor party and he’s grateful he was blessed with the shift. He’s not exactly who the guys want to order drinks from but he’s making good money anyways. He’s pouring a round of shots, six glasses lined up as he expertly pours the tequila into them.

He hears the song Fascination Street by The Cure and his head jerks up, watching as you emerge to the pole. You’re wearing a leather bikini, hair clipped up as you wrap your fingers around the pole, lifting yourself up and spinning around it elegantly.

“Uh, dude,” he hears and he looks back down to see he’s over poured, tequila spilling down over the glass.

“Shit,” Billy mutters, turning the bottle right side up and setting it down.

“I’d probably do the same if I worked here,” the groom to be levels with him.

“Only do it when this girls on stage,” Billy admits, sliding the line of shots to the group.

“She is hot,” the guy says, the two of them watching as you dance, arching your back as your pressed against the pole.

Billy shakes his head, “It’s 20, for the round.”

The man slips him a 50, “How much for lap dances?”

“Ten,” Billy informs him, sliding his change across the bartop. He desperately doesn’t want to see you on top of this man but he wouldn’t dare stand in the way between you and your money.

You’d told him time and time again that you saw anyone who walked into this place as walking dollar bills. And Billy really had no reason to see it any other way. In the short few months of living together, he’d only seen you bring home one guy and Billy hadn’t ever seen him at the club. He was a biker, who’d Billy had learned to be Trevor. He had hair longer than yours and a beard to compete. Billy had taken note, assuming he wasn’t anywhere close to your type.

“She’s a great dancer,” Billy reluctantly tells the patron. “But buy her a drink first.”

“What does she drink?” the guy asks.

Billy doesn’t answer him, instead pulls out a coupe and grabs a bottle of gin. He’d never met someone who drank gin before you. He makes you a gimlet, having learned it’s your favorite.

“This,” he ushers the drink to the guy as you finish your dance.

“Hey, thanks,” the guy slides Billy the $30, “keep the change.”

It’s a gracious tip, Billy thinks as he tosses the twenty dollar bill in his bucket. He got paid more than your dance, he thinks. That’s why he’s so good at his job, offering these men something they could use whenever they needed. He leans back as you emerge, on the hunt. He lights a Marlboro and watches, the future husband stalking over to you with the drink.

The other bartender walks up to Billy, a smirk on her face. “You two have some game worked out, eh? Making her money and getting her a drink.”

Billy mocks offensiveness, “I’m thinking about our finances.”

“Sure,” she deadpans, grabbing the bottle of Jameson and pouring them shots. Billy had learned of her infatuation with one of the dancers so he related. He cheers his coworker, downing the shot as he watches you straddle the groom.

“Would you just fuck her already?” she chides.

He already has but he wouldn’t tell a soul. He kept it in his back pocket. He serves a few more people during your lap dance. He’s polishing a glass when you sit at the bar.

“That fucking guy is unbelievable,” you vent, “Telling me all about his fiancé with my tits in his face.”

“Aw, cut him some slack,” Billy pouts, pouring you a shot. “He was very impressed by your stage dance.”

“Not enough to throw me a dollar,” you challenge, grabbing the glass but giving Billy a pointed look.

“I literally just took a shot,” he counters.

“It’s no fun drinking alone,” you scold him, calling out to the other bartender, “Becky! Shot!”

She runs over, grabbing two glasses and pouring Jameson into them.

Billy is set in his ways, “We just took one!”

“And someone lost $200 at The Flamingo, take a god damn shot,” Becky admonishes Billy.

“Two hundred dollars?!” you exclaim, giving Billy a look of disappointment.

“Shut up, I’m making it up tonight,” he says, raising the glass to you.

The three of you cheers and down the shots. Becky smiles at you, “Billy had some notes about your dance,” and she bounces away just as quick.

Billy groans, “This fuckin’ bitch. No notes, you did as good as you always do.”

“So you’re watching,” you tease, reaching over to snag the cigarette pack from his jacket pocket.

“Hard not to,” he admits, leaning against the counter.

“I’m good at my job,” you frown, the alcohol pumping through you fueling the flirting.

“Maybe a little too good,” Billy gestures towards the groom walking over with a fifty dollar bill in his hand.

“One more shot, please,” you beg and Billy doesn’t argue, he drove tonight anyways. He pours you a shot of Jameson, thinking about how frisky whiskey made you.

“Ew! Pickle back, now,” you demand and he obliges. He reaches into his pocket for the pack of Big Red and hands you a stick. “Nobody wants pickle breath in their face.”

“Asshole,” you spit but take shot, sliding the piece of gum into your mouth. You jump off the barstool and guide the groom into the private room.

Billy sighs, Becky settling beside him. “You’re obvious, ya know.”

“I am not,” Billy scoffs, wiping the bar with a rag.

Becky looks at him, “Why don’t you just tell her how you feel? I mean, have you ever hit on her?”

“We had sex two weeks ago,” Billy admits without looking at her.

“What?!” Becky shrieks,

“She said we couldn’t do that, that everything was perfect the way it was,” Billy shrugged, attempting to not look bothered.

“How was it?” Becky asks.

“What I remember, it was awesome,” Billy admits.

She groans, “You gotta do it sober or it doesn’t count.”

“That’s stupid,” Billy sighs but his attention is distracted as a group of women walk into the club. “Hi, ladies,” he cheers, gesturing to the empty bar.

When you exit the private rooms, you’re fifty dollars richer and stoked about it. You try not to pay attention to Billy flirting with the bar full of women as you walk up.

Becky catches you, “Another drink?”

“Yeah,” you sigh.

She walks to Billy, poking his side before pointing to you. Billy reaches for the bottle of gin and you push down the thoughts of adoration. He causally hands you the gimlet, winking at you as he does so.

“Tip me when I’m on stage,” you plead, grabbing your drink.

You make your way to the dressing room, changing into your second outfit, a bright red lacy number. You grab your heels out of your bag, the cherry red color a perfect compliment to the rest of the get up. You smear red lipstick on your lips and tease your hair up.

“Dirty, Rotten, Filthy, Stinky!” you hear the crowd sing along and that’s you’re cue. You head the the stage, ready to put on the show of your life.

You strut out, eyes catching the cute bartender as you wrap your hands around the pole. He gives you a wink, your ankle hooking around the pole, swinging you around.

“Cherry pie!” You hear Billy wail, fueling your moves.

Billy’s eyes follow your every movement as he tries to multitask, taking money from the group of women.

“I’d love to see you up on that stage,” he hears. He stops to lean in front of her.

“Too bad they don’t do a ladies night, I’d be up there in a heartbeat,” Billy winks to her.

The group of women were almost like jackpot to him. It wasn’t often women came in the place but when they did, Billy easily made rent in one night. You were thankful, watching from the stage. He wouldn’t have to fork over the entirety of his earnings for bills. The jealousy you feel as you see him kiss the hand of the one ladies is another thing you’ll push down, deal with at another time.

As you exit the stage, you’re anticipating a slow down of lap dances. It was late, maybe three AM. You recall the other night, falling asleep on the couch, cuddling with Billy. You want a repeat of that night, even if you shoved him off of you when you pretended to notice. But in fact, you’d felt so at home in his arms.

When the two of you finally get home, you press a palm against Billy’s cheek. “I’m proud of you for not taking a detour to a casino.”

“You look tired,” he tells you.

“I am,” but you lace your fingers in his, dragging him to your bedroom. He comfortably pulls his converse off, kicking them aside as he shimmies out of his jeans and lays back on your mattress. You change into your pajamas, which is just a baggy shirt and comfortable underwear. Then, you crawl into bed beside Billy, sighing happily as he wraps an arm over you. You curl up into him, your legs intertwining. This isn’t suggestive, you tell yourself. Billy places what you pretend is a friendly kiss on your forehead. And you fall asleep easily in his arms. You hated to admit you struggled without it. The cuddling was becoming an almost nightly occurrence. Whenever he didn’t bring home a girl. You rarely brought Trevor home with you. Billy had only met him twice in the few months.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” Billy mumbles against your ear.

When you wake, it’s because there’s morning wood pressed against your ass. And instead of faking disgust, as you had before, you rub against it. You hear a pleasant but sleepy moan in your ear, encouraging you. Billy’s asleep but rouses slightly as he feels the movement against him.

You two have the day off again, you remember. You could spend the entirety of it pulling sweet orgasms from each other if you wanted. Which in spite of your strict personal interest, you do. The way he was watching you dance all night had you sincerely wanting him. You thought, Hell, he deserved it. He could’ve hand any of those women last night, but you’d actually seen him turn them down.

You turn over to look at his face, really studying it. God damn he’s so handsome. You let his attractiveness push your actions further, your palm pressing against his erection. You see him smile, activity behind his eyelids telling you he’s awake. You don’t look away from his face once he slowly opens his eyes, groping him through his briefs.

“Good morning,” his low voice greets you, the sound of it sending another ripple of arousal through you.

Everything about this fucking guy drove you wild and you hated it. God was cruel, dropping this fate into your lap when you thought you were perfectly content. “Morning,” you croak out, your eyes still scanning over his gorgeous face while you palm at him.

He smiles, perfect teeth peeking through and it’s like a punch to the gut.

“And to what do I owe this pleasure to?” his sleepy voice chirps.

“How stupidly hot you are,” you seethe, sliding your hand into his underwear to get a better handle on him.

“Ugh,” he moans, his eyes rolling back.

“Look at me,” you demand and Billy obeys, correcting his eyes to meet yours. The brightness of them is spine-tingling. The prettiest blue you’ve ever seen. “You know how good looking you are?”

He chuckles, “I’ve been told.”

“It’s not fair,” you tell him, “I don’t want to be involved with anyone. I don’t want to deal with that shit, but you’re so fucking hot it drives me insane.”

You bring your palm to your mouth and lick it, wrapping around Billy’s girth again and stroking him slowly.

“Fuck,” he breathes out, eyes fluttering shut.

The power you have is something you’re used to, you deeply want him to take over. To pin you down and make you fall apart beneath him. But this is familiar enough that you continue, a little too shy to tell him what you want.

“You’re used to it, huh?” you challenge him, fingers wrapped around the base of his cock as you squeeze him. He chokes out another moan. “So used to women throwing themselves at you.”

Billy’s a tad uncomfortable due to your words, it almost sounded spiteful and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. He knew he liked how you were touching him but you sounded angry and that wasn’t something he liked. The praise was nice, though. He liked when people told him how attractive he was.

“Why do you sound so angry?” he asks, his eyes looking into yours.

“Because I am,” you retort, “I was perfectly fine with everything before you came here.”

Billy grabs your wrist, his face contorting in confusion.

“No one’s forcing you to touch my dick, ya know,” he says, peeling you away.

“Wait- Billy,” you sighs, “I’m sorry. I’m just… I don’t know. I feel like it’s such a bad idea to do this but fuck, I want you so desperately.”

He sits up, rubbing his face in his hands.

“Well I apologize that I don’t find it super arousing to be talked down to like that.”

“Billy…” you sit up, looking to him. You can’t say anything else, not sure what to do or what to say.

“Hey, you either want me or you don’t,” Billy adjusts himself under the sheets and your ego is a little bruised when you notice he’s no longer hard. “You’re probably right. This is a bad idea and the both of us need to get a fucking handle on it if we’re gonna live together.”

He’s out of your room before you can comprehend what just happened. He’s right, though. You really needed to keep your feelings in check. You and Billy couldn’t be together.

[downundergarfield]

Sniper × ...HIMSELF! [jerking off drable]

I dunno how you feel about it, but personally I adore maleonly or something like that... I like the idea of a Sniper who just makes himself feel good :<

NSFW WARNING!

This man works so hard that it seems he has no time for himself at all. Most often, he comes home either terribly tired or in a rather bad mood because of a hard or unsuccessful day. However. Today the day ended a little earlier, after taking a warm shower at the base, Sniper, as always, went to his van. Despite the early end of the day, it was quite dark outside. Sand and pebbles of a simple path rustled under his feet, the man went into his house, locked the door and began to throw off his work uniform. First the vest. Sniper stared at his bed, intrigued. He made sure to make a new bed for himself before going on a mission. Sniper was just thinking that maybe at least a new feather bed would help him really relax. Then he unbuttoned and took off his trousers. It was warm in the car. He also took care of this, did not turn off the stove either in the driver's cabin or in the "home". Finally, he took off his shirt, along with his hat and glasses. Bushman climbed onto the bed, leaving only one small desk lamp on. The new bed received the owner pleasantly, the man felt as if he was on a cloud. He couldn't help but smile at this tender feeling. It was so cozy.. finally, it's even safe somehow. Finally, his body could remind him of his little peculiarity. About his sex, about the purpose of his sex in nature. It reminded him of this, with a warm feeling rushing to his groin. A little ticklish.

"ah... bugger..."

Normally, you know, sperm is produced every day, and it would be good to get rid of it every day. But Sniper was too busy working, or he was too tired, sometimes he just wasn't in the mood for such things. But now.. he was especially comfortable now, new bedding, still a little wet hair after a shower, soft lighting in his van. He hadn't expected such comfort for a long time.. you can and... Make yourself feel good. Yeah?

"okay, Mick, maybe it's time for YOU... and only for you.."

he carefully began to descend with his hand to the slightly towering tent in his boxers, unaccustomed to this, he was a little ashamed of what he wanted to do. Poor man. Spies and other evil spirits set him on a rampage. Now he was sure of his safety. Now it's just him, his hand, and this pleasure-seeking boner in clothes.

Mick began to stroke the noticeably increasing hump in his blue boxers. The warm feeling of his own hands on the sensitive flesh under his clothes tickled the most remote corners of his body, causing a warm smile and a little blush on his cheeks. It was really so nice..

He finally pulled off the interfering fabric and gently took the erect penis in three fingers, pulling off the foreskin and watching it flow. A couple of drops of lubricant fell on his white T-shirt and he was quite surprised that he was so wet at all. He began to move his fingers, again and again exposing and again covering his head with foreskin. The foreskin gently strokes his sensitive tip, which brings quite a lot of pleasure. Mick throws his head back and whimpers softly into the air, enjoying this feeling. The way his own warm fingers squeeze him, the soft and tender foreskin on the head and the warmth in the car. He feels so nice and cozy, he smiles and moans a little louder, sometimes biting his lips. Soft pleasure finally brings the man and he hastily cums on his own stomach. Previously, he manages to lift up his T-shirt so as not to stain it, Shudders, clenches his teeth, squints his eyes. He's finally so pleased... A thick white liquid falls on his scars, it cools down quickly. Mick finally relaxes, lowers his penis back onto his tummy and relaxes , diligently collecting air.

He needs to rest like this more often...

[octuscle]

Hi Chronivac support! I got a problem.

I’m 18 now but my father in law doesn’t like tattoos at all, and he said that if I get one I will be fired out of his home. Is there anything you can do to fix the problem?

First of all, I hope we are talking about your boyfriend's father when we talk about your father-in-law. If you are already married at 18, you probably live in a remote valley in Nebraska where there is no tattoo parlor anyway.

Sunday noon. Dinner with the family at your friend's house. You can hardly imagine anything worse. You're wearing a freshly ironed white shirt and you've also bought a bouquet of flowers for your friend's mother. You ring the doorbell. And through the screen of the front door you hear your friend's father yelling. "Woman, the doorbell rang." Of course, the owner of the house can't open the door himself. Your friend's mother opens the door with an apron. Obviously she is still cooking. You say hello and hand over the flowers. She brushes a gray strand from her almost wrinkle-free face, smiles and asks you to come in.

Until the food arrives, your friend, his father and you sit silently at the dining table. The atmosphere is always tense to the breaking point. The bully only needs one wrong move to explode. So you sip the ice water occasionally. And try to breathe as silently as possible. The only sounds come from the kitchen. Until suddenly an infernally loud burp shatters the silence. Your friend's father laughs. "Good one, guys!" At that moment, the doorbell rings. Your "father-in-law" gets up, goes to the door, jokes a bit with the pizza delivery guy and comes back with two big boxes. He shouts in the direction of the kitchen "Honey, pizza's here! And the burp needs more food. Will you bring the boys and me a beer?"

While your mouth is hanging open and your friend is gorging himself on the pizza, the dad asks if it's okay if he takes his shirt off.

And then the mother comes with four bottles of beer. If you were a little less gay, the miserably long legs in the Daisy Dukes would definitely give you a boner. You'd rather admire the two full sleaves and her belly button piercing, perfectly accentuated by the sleeveless crop top. Damn, your boyfriend's parents are both just in their mid-30's. A DILF and a MILF as they could not be better.

When you ask if you can have a slice of the pepperoni pizza, the dad replies that you should fucking call him Mike and since when you have to ask. After all, it's your home too. Where you fuck, you don't have to ask, is one of his mottos. Laughs. And burps.

After dinner, Mike asks you to take off your pants. He wants to take another look at his latest work of art. The dinosaur is a freaking masterpiece. And excellently healed. Mike asks if you've ever thought about getting a tattoo on your neck or face. You laugh and say you'll think about it once the right leg is done.

[harteofthehart-ayyy]

Going out to dinner and I was told I can’t wear my shirt that says OWNER OF THE BONER. This is 1984. This can’t be happening to me.

[spw-art]

I fucking forgot to post owner of the boner shirt harte. He’s such an embarrassment to Team Magma.

[making-it-right-dsaf]

Hey Jackery, how’s the new void companion? Also everyone has been giving Dave very random gifts so… a ballpoint pen stolen from an office, a statue of a monkey holding a martini, a t shirt that says “owner of the boner” on it, the entire amulet series, a prism, and a single ominous eggplant.

[cavemanbrainz]

I'm going to a nude pool in a couple of weeks

I found a campground not too far from where I live that allows you to be nude in the pool area. I ran it by my wife and she said she was cool with it. The weekend is a "men's only" weekend. I am excited but nervous.

Update: I did go on Friday. It was a shock to park my car, look to my left and see 20 naked dudes walking around. Totally surreal. When I checked in to the office to buy my day pass, the owner asks if I have ever been here before, when I responded nope, first time, he instantly started saying how cute I was. I found a chair to sit in next to a santa clause looking guy wearing a cock ring. I took my shirt off and my shorts off, applied sunblock and promptly removed my speedo, nude. I sat down in the chair and kicked it back to enjoy soaking up the sun in the nude.

Within 5 minutes two guys approach me, one nude, one fully clothed. They started making idle chit chat. Then offered me a beer which I accepted. Nice tall bud light. kicked back to soak up more sun. They asked me to get in the pool with them. Which I declined I was extremely nervous and just basically wanted to sunbathe nude and check out the area. Get a feel for the place.

I flipped over onto my stomach so that my back and my butt could get some sun. After a few minutes the same nude guy came back over and sat down near my head. He whispered to me, I had to come over because your butt is giving me a boner. I just smiled and said oops. Feeling a little saucy I asked him if he would rub sunblock on my back. He excitedly agreed and started rubbing it all over my back and my butt. Then he's like, okay I have to stop, I can't walk around the pool with this. And he showed me is boner before covering it up with a towel. He was making flirty comments like, this is because of you.

I just kinda smiled and stayed laying there. He had asked me multiple times if I had plans the next day and that I should spend the night with him in his tent. I declined, I just got here for the first time and I already had plans for the weekend and that evening. This was just an afternoon for me. He evan flirtatiously told me that if he got me drunk I would have to stay because it would be unsafe to drive.

He left and I soaked up more sun. Then I got up and walked to other end of the pool completely naked and swam for a few minutes. Got back up and went to dry off and tan some more. The sun was going down and I was getting ready to pack up. He came over one more time and asked, what do I have to do to get you to stay the night. I just told him that I'm not staying the night. I have plans I am sorry.

He asked if I'd come back any other day this weekend and I said no, but I will be back for the next month mens only weekend. He said I'll see you there and I miss you already. After that I picked up my stuff and left. The ride home I felt a little annoyed that I had to tell someone no three times.

But... After having sat on it for a couple nights. I can't stop thinking about it. Being naked at a pool with a bunch dudes, drinking some beer, getting flirted with left and right. I think I'm definitely going next month and staying the night (maybe 2) in a tent. I wanna let loose and get wild there.

[nysocboy]

Workaholics Episode 1.9: Adam kisses a cougar, gets frisky with Ders, and raps as a bodybuilding fairy wizard

Workaholics Episode 1.9 was heavily criticized on the Gender/Sex/Media blog as homophobic: the guys think of "homosexuality" as weird and wrong  -- and something you can catch.  Plus Adam uses a homophobic slur!  We'll see. 

Scene 1: The guys dressed as wizards in long beards and conical caps, rehearsing a rap number for the Renaissance Faire. Ders asks why Adam has ripped his shirt off: "We're trying to get people excited, right?  The world needs to see the madness that is my upper torso."  Can't disagree with that.�� 

Next Ders objects to "whoring out" the art of rap, but the guys remind him that ladies with big boobs will be watching their performance, so ok.

Scene 2: At work, the guys are watching through the window as Adam lifts weights on the patio. Geez, don't you gawk at his bod enough at home?  Sorry, of course there's no such thing as "enough."  

Suddenly a middle-aged lady comes onto the patio to smoke: Sharon, the owner of the whole building!  The guys, watching, don't understand..  "Why is that lady talking to Adam? Wait -- why are they kissing?"  Well, Billy, some boys like to kiss boys, and some like to kiss girls.  

Scene 3: Blake wonders where Adam has been for three days; he's missing the Wizard Rap rehearsals. He comes in to announce that he's moving in with Sharon!  They're in love, they're having sex, and besides, she's helping him with his bodybuilding career.  She got him a gig at the Tri-County Amateur Bodybuilding Competition.  Um..buddy, anyone can sign up for those things.  Blake and Ders disapprove: she's a cougar (middle aged lady who's into young guys.)  Nonsense, she's the same age as Adam's mom, who has sex a lot.  He zooms away on the back of Sharon's motorcycle.  The guys feel betrayed, and decide that they will break up the lovebirds. Their plan: Ders will seduce her. Won't work -- I'm sure Sharon is fine with three-ways.

Scene 4: The guys arrive at Sharon's mansion. While Adam shows Blake around, Ders asks to check out the pool The grand tour, consisting of the various places where Adam has made "the magic happen": their bedroom, the staircase, her son's bedroom, the kitchen. Have they ever actually had sex?  I think a big reveal is coming. 

Meanwhile Ders goes out to the pool in a very tight Speedo and flirts with Sharon.  She can't swim, so he offers to teach her.  

Scene 5:  Adam shows Blake the gym, where he's preparing for the bodybuilding competition.  Blake wants to stall him, to give Ders enough time to complete the seduction, so he asks for a demonstration of the bicep curl.  Adam likes to keep the window open during his workouts, so when he screams, people outside think he's having sex.  But aren't you having sex a lot anyway?  

Meanwhile, in the pool, Sharon asks Ders "Are you trying to seduce me?"   She is totally open to the idea. Scene 6: Adam looks out the window, sees Sharon and Ders flirting, and runs down in a jealous snit. "We're going to fight!"  

Upset at being interrupted in the midst of a seduction, Ders cries "You are frickin' dead, boy!" But when he climbs out of the pool, he is aroused!  

They can't fight that way, so he has to lie down until he gets soft.  But the minute the two start grabbing at each other, they both get aroused! "Your boner is contagious!" Adam exclaims.  He orders Ders to put on a shirt to hide his hunkinest.  What about you, Mr. Sexiest Man on the Planet?  It can't be a fair fight with your gorgeousness  distracting your opponent.  "Wait, am I supposed to hit you or kiss you? I'll compromise with a blow job."  

Ders agrees -- they're too attracted to each other for a physical fight.  Maybe if they just hurl insults?  Nope -- it turns into an "are you as turned on as I am?" tirade that stops just short of the kiss.  And they're aroused again! 

Ok, so they can't fight or argue.  The guys kick Adam out of the Wizard Rap Group. He doesn't care, because he's busy prepping for the bodybuilding competition that Sharon got for him.  It's on the same day, and it's more important to him than "dressing like a fairy wizard."  

Wizards typically aren't fairies in fantasy fiction.  Is this a homophobic slur?  Is the whole exchange characterizing same-sex desire as "weird"? 

Of course not.  The guys aren't horrified or disgusted by their boners; it's just inconvenient.  They are quite aware that they are attracted to each other, and that Adam is attracted to men in general.  It comes up over and over (so to speak). 

Bromance usually includes some physical attraction, but the guys ignore it because they are too attracted to women to become invested in a gay relationship.  

And the "fairy wizard"?  It would be the only homophobic slur that any of Adam Devine's characters use in the twelve movies and dozens of tv episodes, and various stand-up performances that I've seen.  Besides, the rap is hardly feminine: it's about the various ways that the wizards destroy their opponents.  I think Adam (DeMamp) just doesn't understand the conventions of fantasy fiction.  

Scene 7:  Blake and Ders leave, assuring each other that they don't need Adam.  They still have each other.  But it doesn't work: at home, they try to toss Adam a beer. play beer pong with him, cuddle in the jacuzzi with him. They are a trio; they need a third.  They interview Karl as a new roommate and member of their Wizard Rap group. 

Scene 8: At work, Adam is doing bicep presses at his desk (with 20 pound dumbells, very light for a bodybuilder, or even a gym rat).  Sharon orders him to her office ("powder you balls").  But he doesn't get naked -- he screws her with a dildo attached to his face. 

"So, next time, could we use the strap-on that God gave me?"  Nope. So no screwing, no cunnilingus, no physical contact of any sort?  Does she even like Adam?

Scene 9:   Wizard Rap rehearsal.  Karl wears his new costume, which shows off his chest.  Not another one!  Adam drops by to snipe at them a little.  "Things are going great for me!" and so on.  After he leaves, the guys suggest using their sadness in the act.  Ders whimpers "Adam..." Aww, just tell him that you love him and want him back.

Scene 10: Adam bursts into the locker room at the Tri-Valley Amateur Bodybuilding Competition.  The other contestants, twice as big, make fun of him.  One (American Gladiators star Michael O'Hearn, center) ask if he's the mascot.  That's not fair -- these competitions go by weight class. 

The announcer (another American Gladiators star, Lee Reherman) calls everyone onto the stage.  Ders and Blake watching, complain that Adam looks ridiculous, "like a baby man."  

Wait -- why isn't Adam's girlfriend in the audience, cheering him on?  Adam goes backstage to call Sharon, and gets voicemail.

It's Adam's turn to perform.  The announcer says that he's 5.8, 240 pounds.  Huh?  That's not possible.  He does Ninja kicks and splits, and makes funny faces; assuming that he is performing a parody, everyone in the audience laughs. But he is being serious. Blake and Ders rise to his defense: "He's got ten times more bravery than you!"  Also a huge bulge. 

Scene 11:  Adam offstage, crying. The guys convince him to go back, but not as a bodybuilder -- they perform their Wizard Rap number.  The judges like the clever parody, and give Adam a trophy (or he steals one).  Anyway, they are friends again.

Sharon drives up on her motorcycle: "Hop on, monkey."  But she missed the most important moment of Adam's life, so he dumps her. No problem, she'll just go on to the next.  She zooms off.

Friendship forever.  They hug -- and Ders gets another boner!  The end.

Beefcake: Adam throughout, Ders in a swimsuit.

The Hetero-Romance:  I don't understand Sharon's end game.  Of course she doesn't actually care about Adam -- she is just using him for sex -- but why doesn't she want to have any physical contact?  If it is her personal kink, it needs to be explored more thoroughly.  Structurally, she seems to be setting him up, convincing him that he's ready for a bodybuilding competition when he doesn't even know the proper poses, so she can laugh at his humiliation.  But that can't be right -- she doesn't show up to laugh. The two plotlines are not connected very well.

Heterosexism: Not much.  We see Adam and Sharon kiss once.  The face-dildo screwing is just strange.

Gay Subtext: A big one, and completely deliberate.  

The uncensored photos and a nude frontal of Mike O'Hearn are on RG Beefcale amd Boyfriends