#it's always so nice to suddenly realize how you impact other ppl's lives

[soul-teller]

Agree with other anon, to be honest I forgot why I followed you but I don't think I'll ever want to unfollow, I would miss the strawberry on my dashboard blogging about things like Spantom (??) and Gravity Falls

AWWWW 🥺🥺🥺

THANK U SO MUCH.... I also relate to the "forgetting why i followed you in the first place but we're connected now" stuff ehahaha :D suppose that's just the Tumblr ways......

[nyaagolor]

Merry DL6mas!

I wrote an inordinate amnt of words about Edgeworth and MVK and dynamics and meta and w/e, stuck it below the cut so I don't obliterate ur dashes

So originally I wanted to make a relationship flowchart for all the characters and then realized that the amnt of caveats would make the image entirely text so I’m just forgoing the image altogether and doing this group by group starting with the VKs bc DL6mas and whatnot. It’s an essay and also unorganized so um. Have fun or apologies in advance? 

Anyway. I think AA1 intending to be standalone and then getting these additional games does some fun things to the characters but especially for Manfred. I’m of the opinion that he was not created or written to be deep or nuanced or anything. He’s the final boss, we weren’t supposed to get more on him, he’s honestly just a symbolic representation of the forces Phoenix works against rather than a character in his own right (in AA1 at least). He’s cartoonishly evil and that was supposed to be it— and then we get JFA and Franziska and suddenly Manfred gets all this retroactive characterization as the story is built beyond its initial parameters. That’s part of the reason why I’m so interested in him— all this new information comes exclusively through other characters and insinuations rather than him actually being on screen up until Investigations and even then it’s like 4 lines. We get more on Manfred, yes, but it’s a shadow on the wall. I’m sorry to bring up allegory of the cave about the gay lawyer simulator but w/e I’m a melodramatist, it’s an allegory of the cave situation. The reason I bring that up is because I don’t really think about Manfred in the same way as other characters; I piece together how I think of him though his relationships and impact on others rather than as an independent dude. His past is inconsequential to me and the ppl who flesh him out are the real troopers but he matters to me more as a vessel for narrative themes than anything. This is all to say that everything I’m doing is conjecture and just kind of filling in the gaps based on my current understanding of the text. Headcanons for the broad and far-reaching audience of me, myself, and I. 

That being said. The whole spiel I just went on about “Manfred as defined by his relation to others” works quite nicely as tie-in to how he feels about Edgeworth, because I think Edgeworth occupies this symbolic space in MVK’s mind. Yes, Edgeworth is a kid he mentors and who lives in his house and who he is legally responsible for, but Edgeworth is also this physical manifestation of his failures. Edgeworth is a child, yes, but to MVK he’s a ghost, a consequence, a punishment. He may not be a VK, but he IS karma (sound the turnabout melody I am kissing you on the lips for this line btw). 

This also means that the way MVK views Edgeworth as an extension of his own thoughts about the DL6 incident rather than solely as his own person, which is something that changes pretty drastically over time. The way he talks about and to Edgeworth goes beyond who and what Edgeworth is as a person because for MVK, there was always an aspect of the self in there, and MVK interacting with Edgeworth is as much a reflection of his own identity as it is how he feels about Miles. 

If there is one thing the entire VK family does extraordinarily well it's projection, and I think MVK has been doing this since he brought Edgeworth into the picture (and before that, but it’s only relevant to me now). This is personally how I rationalize how absolutely batshit half of MVK’s actions are. I know the actual reason is “we expanded the characters around him which necessitates certain actions to drive the plot and inconsistency results from this expansion” blah blah blah paratext more or less confirms this, but we are going full Watsonian in this bitch. 

I have talked at length about the actual medical stuff around gunshots and how bullets are typically removed from joints specifically because of how badly they damage the surrounding tissues over time, I’ll link the post if anyone is curious, but tldr bullet wound symbolism. I bring this up now because I think the bullet acts as a physical representation for DL6, it literally and metaphorically tears him up inside. No one else knows about this murder, most people have forgotten the penalty, but he never did, because he can’t. For someone who has structured his entire self on the idea of perfection, this is an event of unprecedented magnitude, and the living proof of it is eating dinner at his table every night. MVK sits with the weight of what he’s done, and whether or not he feels justified or guilty or w/e doesn’t even matter because it’s making him lose his goddamn mind. His behavior gets more intense, more irrational, because before he was just a massive, scheming, paragon of perfection (and corruption but shh) but now he is in this inescapable cycle as the result of his choices and his choices exclusively. I don’t propose to know nor care about how he felt about it or what the specific emotions he felt were because they’re not particularly important in my mind, only that the lingering ghost of DL6 is driving MVK kinda bonkers and that drastically alters how he interacts with Edgeworth and Franziska. 

I’ve seen a lot of debate about why MVK took in Edgeworth, but my hot take is that he actually doesn’t know. I don’t think MVK ever processed DL6, I think he is filled with contradictory feelings (how ironic) and that this is what eats at him through all those years. Why did he take in Edgeworth? Because he felt guilty? Because he wanted to train him into everything his father hated as a twisted kind of revenge? Because he wanted a prodigy and saw himself in Edgeworth? It’s all of them, it’s none of them, it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t know. Why did he prosecute Edgeworth right before the statute of limitations ended? Was it revenge? Hatred? A way to test his prodigy? To project his own gnawing nest of emotions onto the person he felt embodied the incident? Same deal. (the real answer is that it doesn’t really matter bc we were not supposed to think about it this hard but. Shh. dw about it.)

I don’t take much interest into Manfred’s inner world because I ultimately think that a lot of his actions, while completely under his control, are him acting on impulse, on him doing irrational things because DL6, in a sense, killed him too. He comes out of that elevator a different person (not worse (can’t go down from rock bottom), not better, just a different kind of asshole), but destroyed from the inside out by a murder he committed. He’s so arrogant, so entitled, that he could never let this go, and I think that drives so much of the insane shit he tries to pull. He has centered his life around the axis of DL6 and he will always be pulled back into its orbit. The further we get from DL6 the more time he has to think, the more it tears him apart, the more the contradictory feelings about it rear their heads in turn and create this guy who is just desperate and angry. And when it’s days before the statute of limitations he just becomes completely subsumed by it all. He was always cruel, but now he’s cruel and desperate and completely willing to drag everyone down with him. The desperation is the important part. 

I will say though that he is, irrefutably, his own downfall. He molded Edgeworth in his own image, he created Phoenix Wright the defense attorney as a consequence, and it is the two of them who send him to his death. He is the one who planned the murder of Turnabout Goodbyes. From beginning to end, it’s his own hand. Manfred is one of the only characters in this series whose actions are not precedented by extenuating circumstances. It’s allllll him. He’s the bitch. He has been and will always be a selfish prick and for as much as he is lashing out because of DL6 he does so by dragging others in. 

Extremely long prelude to say that I think how he treats edgeworth varies so wildly over time and is so irrational in its presentation because of everything I mentioned before. He is Edgeworth’s greatest kindness and his worst nightmare— at the same time!! Multitasking king. He takes in Edgeworth as a snap decision for reasons he doesn’t entirely understand, and I think because of that he never quite views Edgeworth as a son (at least in the traditional sense). Edgeworth is not his child in the same way that Franziska is his child (and we will get to her in a different post I promise), but he’s not just some random kid either. Manfred is emotionally tied to him through DL6, and I think the fact colors the way that Manfred treats him. It’s a dynamic that I can’t really put a label on, because it’s mentor/student with so much extra baggage that it feels different than that. There is an emotional connection between them, a sense of atonement and revenge, and I don’t think either of them will ever be able to articulate what that means. Manfred does not address Edgeworth as his child, and I think there is an attempt in his language to distance himself from Edgeworth, but he finds himself drawn to Edgeworth all the same (bc Edgeworth is DL6 etc etc). He did not ask for a child, he does not WANT a child, but he has one! Get fucked!

MVK is obsessed with his own image, with this idea of perfection, and insofar as Edgeworth is DL6, Edgeworth is an extension of MVK. He pushes his ideals and tactics onto Edgeworth the second Edgeworth decides he wants to be a prosecutor, because even more than Franziska, Edgeworth is MVK’s living legacy. He is quite literally Manfred’s midlife crisis and I think Edgeworth wanting to be like him and becoming this Demon Prosecutor is this insanely fucked up kind of catharsis in MVK’s mind. And as Edgeworth becomes more like him, as he takes up MVK’s mantle, he becomes a mirror— that is where shit gets fun. I don’t think I need to spell out the ways in which MVK was simultaneously caring and cruel to his kids— you’ve seen Sound the Turnabout Melody, you’re seen Turnabout Goodbyes, we know this song and dance. 

The more time Edgeworth spends around him, as Edgeworth reflects more of Manfred back at himself, MVK simultaneously becomes proud and revolted. Edgeworth is growing beyond the consequences of DL6 and into a mirror of his adopted father figure mentor person. He is, from the ashes of DL6, becoming Manfred von Karma, and I think that drives MVK insane. He is becoming firmly entrenched in MVK’s life at this point. For as much as Edgeworth is DL6, he is now MVK himself. He becomes a walking contradiction, and Manfred’s projection then manifests as this rapidly oscillating clusterfuck of reactions. Edgeworth is out of his control but he’s super important to MVK— recipe for disaster. 

He builds Edgeworth up, teaches him everything he knows, starts to treat him like a son while at the same time irrevocably traumatizing for the rest of his life. He loves who Edgeworth is becoming while hating everything he stands for, and I think this absolute garbage pile of a child-rearing philosophy is as much a projection of himself as anything. It was never about Edgeworth the person. At first, MVK does not care in the slightest about Miles Edgeworth and it is only when he does, even a little bit, that shit hits the fan in my mind. Edgeworth the physical manifestation of DL6 is being overtaken by Edgeworth the Demon Prosecutor, and MVK starts to be proud of him— but this is an eventuality he did not plan for and cannot do anything about. For both of them, it’s personal now, and no amount of pushing each other away is really going to fix that. 

Anyway I don’t think literally any of this was intended. Manfred is not this deep, I am making literally all of this up, but it’s fine. If you got this far I salute you. Miles time. To pivot to Edgeworth’s POV for a while, I think that from the very beginning, Edgeworth looked up to MVK. It’s not the same idolization that Franziska does, but it’s up there. Obviously he idolized his father, but DL6 not only served as a complete evisceration of his family but also his ideals. Gregory the man was dead, but if criminals can kill his father and get away with it, that collapses the foundation on which Miles built his understanding of justice. Gregory the defense attorney– his ideals, his legacy, his philosophy– he died in that elevator too. Edgeworth pivots, completely independently, from a man who wants to protect to a man who wants to punish (and I firmly believe that this was his own decision and not Manfred pushing him into it, if MVK had not adopted him he still would have become a prosecutor just not so much of a dick). 

But so Manfred takes him in, and was spectacularly ill-equipped to handle this. I always saw Manfred as emotionally distant on the best of days (he’s born in the 50s what did u expect) but for Miles, who he barely considers a son at all, he isn’t capable of being the emotional support he needs. He never would be and never wanted to be. That’s layer one of baggage. What MVK does provide for Miles, though, is a purpose. Miles does not wallow in his father’s death, because he is taken in by someone who acts as a paragon of Miles’ new worldview. Manfred never lets a criminal get away. He is perfect in that way, and it gives Miles a tangible (albeit impossible) goal to strive for. MVK mentors him in this worldview and gives him the tools to outlet his grief and rage into something productive— fucked up and wrong, maybe, but productive. That’s layer two of baggage. 

For as complicated and twisted and contradictory as MVK’s feelings towards Edgeworth are, Edgeworth for most of his childhood sees MVK as this pillar of everything that is good and treats him with intense amounts of respect. He accepts any cruelty as tough love, he adopts his ideals and his tactics and his suit. Edgeworth needed *something* after the grief of DL6 and MVK is what he got, so Miles latches on and never lets go, for better or for worse. Miles Edgeworth is not Manfred von Karma but he actively tries to take his shape because whether or not it’s reciprocated, Edgeworth loves him and everything that he stands for. Manfred cares about him in that respect at the very least. And ultimately, this is my big take on Edgeworth: I think Edgeworth actively chased MVK. He became MVK on purpose. It’s a result of trauma and built entirely on false pretenses, but Miles is the one who takes the initiative and Manfred indulges him— And then Turnabout Goodbyes happens. 

Everything Edgeworth is, everything he made himself become, is wrong. Edgeworth has molded himself into a person he does not recognize and that person turned out to be a monster. The person Edgeworth idolized, respected, and maybe even loved is the very person who destroyed his life. He is wearing the skin of the monster he wanted to destroy, and he did it on purpose (in his mind). This is not to say he had much if any agency in this situation— this is not a path he would naturally take, this is structured entirely under false pretenses, and he was clouded by grief, traumatized, and most importantly nine, but what matters here is that Edgeworth FEELS like it’s his fault, and the complete collapse of his worldview AGAIN is what drives all the bullshit of RFTA. Edgeworth is not MVK (and you can tell because he is capable of self-reflection which MVK is ostensibly not (or at least unwilling to)), but it still drives him to this complete and utter devastation. He sees Manfred in himself and it isn’t until AAI1/2 that he’s able to see Gregory as well. MVK filled a need for Edgeworth at the lowest point in his life (and absolutely made him worse but that’s not the point). Edgeworth respected and loved Manfred’s ideals, STILL chases the idea of the man, and because of that still cares about him. He becomes aware of who the monster he loved is, and how has to reconcile with what it means to be that person’s reflection and legacy despite knowing— and feeling, and BEING— all the harm he caused.

Those contradictory feelings that I talked about earlier? Love and hatred all mixed together— questions that cannot be answered and actions taken without knowing why? That’s Edgeworth’s final gift from Manfred: he inherits the bullet and the legacy he carries forward. Unlike Manfred, though, Edgeworth takes that pain and shares it, lets other people in, scoffs at the veneer of perfection and allows himself to be hurt and vulnerable and it is only in that way that Edgeworth can break out of VK’s shadow and break the cycle. He holds onto the ideals that he learned from Manfred, separates them from the nastiness and acknowledges the place they came from. It’s obvious in the way that Edgeworth carries aspects of that legacy forward that he’s capable of disseminating everything that Manfred is, acknowledging the way he’s been influenced by him and what he still respects about the man despite it all, and make peace with the rest of it. The cycle of violence and corruption started with Manfred and Edgeworth makes sure that it ends with him too. 

I have a ton more to talk about with respect to his teaching methods and the nitty gritty of how he interacts with his kids but that’s for the Fran post. This is more of the “whys” than the “hows” but I’ll get there :)

Anyway, I think that’s it. I’m sure there’s more that I’m missing but my head is beyond empty rn and I can’t think of anything else I wanna talk about with respect to these two. I know I literally just spewed 3k words about into this textpost but I do love chatting about them (total shock I know) so if u also have thoughts or ideas abt anything related to them lmk :3

[1kook]

ZOOM CALL

�� meeting one

jeon jungkook x (f) reader

⇢ series masterlist

summary: In a sea of black screens and faceless names, there’s one smiley boy that beams back at you through the dimly lit screen of your laptop, a tiny Jeon Jungkook (he/him) tacked to the corner of his window. genre: fluff, slice of life, smut (tags tba) warnings: jk is a ditzy lil nerdy sweetheart, college crushes, social distancing -_-, use of the zoom app, 1kook Builds a Healthy Relationship (Version 2.0) ratings: M (18+) wc: 3.2k

notes: well. here we are. as always i have to thank common sense (coincidentally named rumu @kigurumu​ ) for reading this over and pointing out little details <3 after much deliberation, i have decided to post our beloved zoom jk (see origin story here) in the form of short ‘drabbles’ depicting diff zoom calls with this being The Beginning™️ so please... bare with me </3 ty to all the nice ppl who have been excited for this, luv u very much 🥺

There are times in human history where words captivate their audience; times when single words or phrases wrap around the listener, melt into their bones and radiate warmth from within. But rarely does one word manage such an impact, rarely is it as revered and as cherished as the word cancelled is to most college students. 

Class is cancelled, group meetings are cancelled, the stupidly big semester final project was cancelled. You could cancel nearly anything, and in most cases, it would be beautiful. Cancelled meant more time to sleep in the morning, an afternoon free of pesky project partners, a pleasant reprieve from having to socialize with anyone. It was a glorious word with heavenly connotations that brought tears of joy to your eyes whenever you saw it appear in an email preview.

Except this one.

Spring Semester 2021: On-Campus Classes CANCELLED — Social Distance Measures as per State Regula…

Your last semester as a student in university… online? You couldn’t believe it. All these years of studying rigorously, cramming for exams, attaining a near perfect GPA— just to sit in your bedroom and stare at your computer screen for the last 15 weeks of classes? Had your friends not been there to mope with you, you’re certain a part of you would have gone on a rampage and cursed every bacteria known to mankind for doing this to you.

It was your last year, you whined in private (never in public; your friends had always considered you the mature one, the studious friend who kept everyone in order), yet here you were, setting up your desk for your last ever first day of classes with quite possibly the biggest pout on your face.

Zoom, your school had raved in an email a few weeks into the break, the desktop application that will keep us united in these trying times! As if, you huffed, giving the stupid application permission to connect to your computer’s camera and audio systems. What even was proper Zoom etiquette? Did you have to enter the meeting and greet every student cheerfully? You had always said hi to your classmates before, but something about saying it over a computer mic felt awkward.

The feeling doubled when you finally entered the meeting, only to be met with a sea of black screens save for your professor, who seemed to be clicking around his computer in a rather confused fashion. This was going to suck, you thought bitterly.

You had entered the room ten minutes earlier because, well, you always showed up to class a few minutes earlier than the scheduled meeting time. But was there any point to doing that here? Usually, the time before class was spent making small talk with said classmates, discussing the readings or the assignments, talking mindlessly about whatever came to mind. But something in your gut said it would be weird to do that now.

So you sit in silence for the next ten minutes, nervously tapping your pen against your desk as you wait for the professor to launch into whatever introductory monologue he had planned. You toy with your phone, scrolling through your twitter feed only to see a brigade of tweets from students all over the nation suffering the same fate as you. It was a trending topic.

Two minutes before the class starts, you hear the tell-tale ping of someone entering the meeting. You wave it off just like you have your other 41 classmates thus far, but then there’s the clearing of a throat, and a sweet, “good morning” filtering through your speakers. Lifting your head from the hunched over position you had assumed while glancing at your phone, you’re startled by the sudden handsome face that appears before you.

In a sea of black screens and faceless names, there’s one smiley boy that beams back at you through the dimly lit screen of your laptop, a tiny Jeon Jungkook (he/him) tacked to the corner of his window.

He’s nothing short of a dreamboat, soft and doughy cheeks that catch the hue of the screen light, highlighting his cheekbones in a faint blue color. Imploring doe eyes blinking widely at the screen as he clicks around, narrating his confusion in a low mumble (mic still on, how cute). Dark hair— was it brown? black? the pixelated screen made it hard to tell —messily pushed away from his face.

And his voice, oh his voice. It matches his gentle appearance perfectly. A soft snort. “Am I the only one here?” he says, thin lips pulled to the side in a bashful grin.

The professor laughs with him. “No, but you are the only one with your camera on,” he responds.

You’re not sure if it’s the professor’s teasing jab at literally everyone else or the need to support the cutie who smiles softly at screen, but suddenly, a handful of windows come to life. Your classmates fill up the screen, dressed in an array of styles with bedrooms (and, on the rare occasion, dorm rooms) to match. You nibble at your bottom lip, finger hovering over the button that will expose your appearance to the rest of your classmates

Eventually, the wordless peer pressure, the need to be a good student, and the supportive face of Jeon Jungkook (he/him) have you inhaling sharply before dutifully clicking the camera on. Your face appears on screen, nearly lost in the now overwhelming sea of faces. You’re one of the last ones to turn your camera on, both pages of your zoom meeting participant windows filled with the contrasting images of your classmates joining from their bedrooms. The professor claps in delight, and finally dives into the mandatory first day of classes spiel.

Syllabuses, group work, asynchronous lectures. You’ve heard these words all before, have practically memorized this class’s syllabus like the back of your hand. The pros of being an overachiever. The cons are, however, that you think every question your classmates ask is stupid. Read the syllabus, you want to scream. But it’s the first day of class. You don’t even know who your assigned study group partners (as mentioned in the syllabus) are and you certainly don’t want them to dislike you so soon. They can do that after the third meeting, but not today.

You’re not entirely surprised when your attention drifts away from the professor and the endless sea of stupid questions he’s left to answer. Even when you realize you’ve stopped paying attention, you don’t bother forcing yourself to tune back in. No, instead your focus drifts across the windows of faces.

Some of your classmates are as bored as you, glaring at the screen with disinterest, or glancing off to the side probably at their phones. So you start looking at their rooms, analyzing their decorations and posters as if you’re a professional critic on some house design show.

Jeon Jungkook (he/him) is in a rather plain dorm room. Plain light gray walls— or maybe it’s white —free of decoration. He’s sitting at the provided desk, just like you. The only reason you focus on that is because there’s a multitude of your classmates lazily sprawled across their beds, slumped over a couch. Hardly anyone is sitting at attention like you. Well, except for Jeon Jungkook (he/him). He’s practically exposing the entirety of his living accommodation with the way his camera is set up.

Above eye level, reaching just below his chest, with the room all laid out before you. A neat twin bed, sheets meticulously made. It almost looks like the decorative set at a furniture store with the way the comforter and variety of pillows are placed. He doesn’t seem to be in the crappy dorms you remember, which leaves you wondering where exactly he’s been assigned. You know certain sports clubs get fancier dormitories. Anyway, there’s a door off the side of the bed, a black guitar standing in the corner just behind it. You wonder what’s behind the camera, if maybe his desk is as organized as the rest of his room. Maybe his closet is his weakness, you muse, imagining poor Jeon Jungkook (he/him) with a tornado of a closet. But the thought doesn’t make that much sense, so you discard it quickly.

Anyway, his dorm room. It’s neat and orderly, makes you tilt your head curiously as he swivels from side to side before you. As for himself, he’s dressed in a plain white sweater, hoodie strings perfectly even. His hair has long since fallen over his forehead, but he’s pushed it over this time in a fluffy side part. He was adorably soft.

He’s paying attention to the professor like he genuinely treasures every word that comes off his tongue, nodding along understandingly. He’s even got a pencil in hand, leaning forward every few seconds to scribble something down hurriedly. Not like this is all on the syllabus or anything, you think.

But as soon as the thought crosses your mind, it’s dispelled just as fast. He’s only trying to be a good student, you scold yourself, feeling oddly mean for wanting to make fun of this sweet boy. Especially when he raises his hand a second later and asks the first good question of the day. Something about the grading scale for group projects and how much is determined by the group members themselves. You’re not too sure, the words get a little fuzzy when he starts speaking and his pink lips pull down into an endearing pout.

A couple minutes later and your professor finally wraps up the questions, telling everyone to email him if any other questions arise throughout the semester. Just as you’re sighing in relief, he utters those dreaded words: “Ice-breakers!” he exclaims, and the whole class grimaces, much to his amusement. He says something about feeling the excitement through the screen, but then changes gears. “Since it’s a little hard to talk to your neighbor, I’m going to test out the Breakout Rooms and see how that works, okay guys?”

You frown. Breakout Rooms? What on earth was that? Like most of your classmates, this is pretty much your first rodeo with the Zoom application. He was sending you all into small groups, where? The answer presents itself a few seconds later, a message box appearing on your screen.

The host is inviting you to join a Breakout Room: Group 4

Your professor is still chattering in the background when you nervously accept the invitation, his voice suddenly cut off as your computer jumps to a new loading screen. It takes a while before you’re suddenly dumped into a new room. And then you’re staring at your own face, blown up on your own screen in a rather uncomfortable way. Jeez, did you really look like this?

As soon as you get to picking at your appearance, your mirrored reflection jumps to the side, once, then twice more to fit the three new guests in your room. Silence fills your bedroom as you and your classmates all stare at each other nervously for a couple seconds, unsure of what to say. This was, after all, your first meeting.

Just as you’ve gathered all your courage to click your microphone on, the screen jumps around once more and suddenly Jeon Jungkook (he/him) is in your Breakout Room. Immediately, his surprised face melts into the most reassuring grin you’ve ever seen, and he’s practically jumping forward to turn his mic on.

“Good morning, everyone,” he says, smooth and low. It’s like the awkward tension melts away under the pressure of his pretty smile, your classmates responding back with polite hellos and good mornings to him. You barely get yours in before Jeon Jungkook (he/him) starts talking again. “So… how are you guys?”

His words, sweet and caring as they are, send the five of you into a rather mindless conversation. Talking about nothing really, just whatever comes to mind about the class, about the semester, about the remote learning. Then Jungkook— “just Jungkook is fine!” he tells the other four of you with that same too pure look on his face after someone refers to him by his whole name —starts talking about some movie he had seen on Netflix the other day, something his friend recommended to him. Truthfully, you have zero interest in the type of plot he is describing, and you can tell some of the other people in your group don’t either. But he’s absorbed in his storytelling, features lit up as he details every last plot point of the film like his life depends on it. There’s a wordless agreement to let him ramble on.

By the time Jungkook has finished his novella recapture of whatever movie he was talking about, a green message bubble appears at the top of your screen. It’s a message from your professor, who is telling you the small group meeting will end in a few more minutes.

“Aw, that sucks,” Jungkook laughs, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. And then, “oh! We haven’t answered our icebreaker question yet!”

Ah, yes. The reason for this small group was to get to know each other, not for Jungkook to recount an entire two hour movie for you all. “Oh, right,” you agree, probably the first words you’ve said in the past five minutes. You navigate to the chat box, where your professor had hastily dumped the question before sending you all off. “What’s one thing you miss most about being on campus?” you read aloud, glancing back at the screen.

Your group mates are all in various states of blissful comfort, the gaps of their nervousness smoothed over by Jungkook’s bubbly personality, and the hesitation they’d shown at the beginning is practically gone. Someone steps forward and says something about the campus dining hall. Jungkook laughs, loud and airy, claps his hands all cute too. Someone else says the library because it was a good place to study. There’s a lull and you jump in quickly. “I think I’ll miss the couches by the gym in the student center the most,” you confess, though you doubt anyone knows which ones you mean. They were a set of brightly colored couches tucked into a cranny behind the Starbucks just outside the campus gym, avidly avoided by the gym rats who were determined to ignore the sugary drinks and snacks.

Apparently, the hiding spot isn’t as secretive as you thought. “Oh, the ones by the Starbucks?” Jungkook exclaims, excitedly looking at his screen. You have this fluttery feeling that he’s looking at you for the first time. You nod, and he quite positively beams. “I love those!”

“Yeah, I spend a lot of time there,” you say, though it’s a little stilted because you’re not exactly sure how you’re supposed to react to Jungkook’s enthusiasm. Though his outgoing personality cloaks you in comfort, his pretty smile has your heartbeat acting a little funny.

Jungkook’s got these huge eyes, blinking owlishly at you. “Really? So do I!” And then you both seem to have the same realization. His head tilts to the side cutely, an amused smile on his face, “I’ve never seen you there.”

“I’ve never seen you there,” you shoot back, a little snarkier than necessary, but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. His smile turns goofy.

“Woah,” he says in a rather dreamy tone, “isn’t that so cool? We spent so much time in the same place, but never crossed paths before,” he babbles. He’s stopped looking at his computer, leaning back in a sort of dazed manner with this sparkly look to his eyes, much to everyone’s amusement. Except yours, because frankly, it sounds a little bit like he’s describing— “fate!” he says suddenly, like it’s truly an aha! moment. He pauses, taps his finger against his chin. “Or anti-fate? I’m not sure. But it’s like— we could’ve met so many times before and we didn’t.” Doe eyes return to the screen, flickering around until they presumably land on you again. “What do you think, __?”

And he’s just so cute, makes the rigid shield around your chest soften for the slightest moment as you nod meekly. “Uhh, yeah. Fate,” you agree, and then get to hear him laugh and giggle for about three seconds before you’re suddenly thrown back into the larger Zoom meeting.

Weirdly flustered, you hurriedly click your microphone back off, and nearly contemplate the camera too. But then the professor is asking you all to share what you talked about and you’re resigning yourself to a few more minutes of screen time while the class wraps up. By the looks of it, not everyone had as an enjoyable time as you did. Part of you is thankful you didn’t get stuck in an awkward small group. The other part recognizes wholeheartedly that it’s all thanks to one smiley boy at the bottom of your screen.

“And group 4?” the professor asks, and you blink yourself back into attention. Before you can unmute yourself and answer for your group, Jungkook is beating you to it.

“We talked about a lot of things,” Jungkook answers cheerfully. From your view, you get a front row seat to the sheer power of Jungkook’s magnetic personality, watching as all your listless classmates suddenly snap back from their daydreams to zero in on whatever Jungkook is saying. He fills in the professor about what you talked about, from the movies to the couches, and you feel weirdly mushy when his eyes flicker across the screen before settling with a soft smile.

He can’t possibly be looking at me, you tell yourself. Your hand jerks forward to turn the camera off, but in your haste, end up knocking down the water bottle on your desk. You scramble to straighten it, thanking the universe for the fact you actually remembered to screw on the cap. You glance back at the screen, and nearly die when you catch sight of a giggly Jungkook, smile hidden behind an adorable sweater paw as he laughs at something on screen. Oh no, was he looking at me? you panic.

“Alright, everyone,” your professor says in that “I’m about to wrap this class up” voice. Too close to the screen, voice a little too loud. “Good meeting today, I’ll see you all again on Wednesday. Stay safe.”

“Bye!” Jungkook sings sweetly, and everyone else follows as they all bid adieu to the professor. Still a little frazzled from the possibility that Jungkook may have watched you flail around like a total loser, you take a second longer to turn your mic on. Your classmates quickly leave the meeting, leaving only a few stragglers until the very end.

Surprisingly, Jungkook is here too, brown eyes focused on the screen. You unmute yourself. “Um,” you stammer, eyes unwillingly flickering over to Jungkook who smiles at the sound of your voice. “Goodbye. Thank you,” you rush out, and then quickly leave the meeting as well.

With the meeting over, you’re left staring at the home page of the Zoom app, heart beating a little too fast to be normal. Your face feels warm, and your fingers tremble from some unfamiliar, giddy feeling in your chest. You exhale slowly, hand coming up to rub at your chin as if that will somehow explain the weird excitement from your Zoom meeting. Maybe it was just adrenaline, or nervousness, you try to convince yourself. After all, the first day of classes is always nerve-wracking.

Except when you navigate to your class page and begin to mindlessly scroll through the class roster, there’s a weird stutter to your heartbeat when you catch sight of that Jeon Jungkook (he/him) that appears halfway down the list.

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[srnokedmirrors]

* . time stands still , the way it did before.     it’s like i’m  s  l  e  e  p  w  a  l  k  i  n  g .

                          { courtney eaton, twenty-four, agender, they/them } Have you seen JACK C. KENNEDY walking around?  Little do they know, they’re the child of LEON S. KENNEDY from RESIDENT EVIL, and they ARE AN ONLY CHILD.  I guess that explains why they’re so CRAFTY & RESOURCEFUL and ALOOF & SELF-SERVING.  They are a COLLEGE STUDENT.  — penned by eve.

FIRST THINGS FIRST.

Hey guys !! I’m EVE , twenty from the EST timezone ( pronouns are she/her ) and I have TWO kids to introduce to you guys - the first being Jackie here !! I’m a huge fan of video games hence why my first two children are from them - RE in particular is one of my favorites. It’s a popular franchise , but if you’re not too familiar with it do not fret because all you need to know about Jack , their dad , and the world they originate from will be in here. And I apologize profusely if this is too long because I . . . have a tendency to ramble so !! Let’s get on with it.

TWS : Mental illness / depression ( implied ) , mentions of bullying & death & violence

I. THE PAST - DO YOU REMEMBER ??

You are born Jacqueline Cheri Kennedy , the first & only child of your father - Leon Scott , a lone survivor of the fallen Raccoon City - with no mother in the picture. Your father always wanted children , but his line of work is cruel to those who hold their loved ones dear , and originally the prospect was brushed off. But you are an accident - left on his doorstep - and the man who originally thought he’d never have children due to a fear of losing what he’s attached to . . . . he SOBS , holding your tiny body close and vowing that now , he has a new reason to live and not just survive.

So you grow. You grow fast , and as a child , you know a few truths - you like princesses & superheroes , and you are your papa’s little princess & your papa is your superhero. And you are treated the best you can - in the early years of your youth , you have to spend multiple week trips sleeping over at your Aunt Ashley’s before your father suddenly tells you ‘Daddy isn’t going to work anymore’ and he’s with you all day , every day , save except for school. You grow up with your father as your best friend and you know he loves you more than anything.

You are ten years old when you start to understand things - not ENOUGH , and not too much , but you can understand the fact that in a way , your beloved papa is sick. But it’s not the germy kind of sick - not the kind of sick that results in tummyaches or sniffles. No , it’s the kind of sick that you can tell his heart isn’t working - it’s broken , and you can tell his smile sometimes doesn’t reach his eyes and the weird stuff he drinks is to help with it - but he doesn’t want you to know he’s sick. He SMILES at you and plays with you and hugs you tightly and kisses your forehead and reads you bedtime stories and everything seems okay - but you know your superhero can’t fly as high as he used to , and you know he’s more sad than he lets on. But he does everything so he thinks you don’t catch on , and so you are happy even if he isn’t.

You are twelve years old when the big men in black jackets & bulletproof vests come knocking on your father’s door to beg him to come back to them , and he says hell no and there’s an argument you don’t listen to since FRANKLY , you’re busy pasting up posters of rock bands in your bedroom. You know your father doesn’t talk a lot about where he used to work or what he used to do - the only inkling you get is the next day , when you’re innocently helping your father find his unopened pack of plastic razors in his bedroom , and you open a drawer with a shiny badge that says ‘Raccoon City Police Department.’

You are fourteen when you first start finding your own voice - you are hardened from bullying that comes your way and you grow BLUNT & SARCASTIC and a lot of your father’s friends tell you that you’re just like him. This becomes a bit of a joke between the two of you - but it escalates further in school. They call you Jackboot since that’s a symbol of the opposite of what you stand for - you TALK BACK , you rebel , you aren’t afraid to show your poisoned tongue and it gets you in trouble. But you remain authentic - even if people don’t like you. But you’re still vulnerable - your first boyfriend breaks your heart and as you’re crying through screams & wails on your couch , your father gently hugs you close , rubbing your back and telling you you’re going to be okay. You are hardened , but you are not unbreakable.

You are fifteen when you finally realize why your father feels the way he does and why he quit his job , and why he’s so protective of you. You are innocently putting on makeup to get ready for homecoming when you hear gunshots coming from the living room. You pull out the shotgun your father keeps under his bed and when you head downstairs , your house is being broken into by MINDLESS DRONES OF THE UNDEAD and thank god you inherited your father’s accuracy , because you save one from biting your father’s cheek and then , he grabs you , and the two of you book it out of the area.

. . . Your father . . . was the only survivor of an outbreak - a bioterrorist attack - back in Raccon City. Your father was a cop for one day , and then worked as a government agent to quell parasitical outbreaks in Spain , and then the fall of Tall Oaks , and countless other machines. You learn the words Umbrella and C-Virus and T-Virus and thank GOD you are a fast learner since this is the reality of the life you’ll have to live in time. And your father holds you close and sobs and begs you to live your life the best you can , away from the shit he went through , but one evening is far too much - and you have already seen too much.

You still know the truth , though. You are still your papa’s little princess and he is your superhero - but your superhero earned his hero status at the price of his own happiness. And maybe you’re almost doomed to do the same.  

You are sixteen when you’re ripped from everything. Sixteen when you lose sight and it’s all erased. And sixteen when your superhero fades from your existence and you remember nothing but normalcy - and maybe it’s for the better. Maybe it’s also for the worse.

II. THE PRESENT - WHO ARE YOU , YOURSELF ??

S’OKAY SO. I’m gonna try and highlight what Jack is like with and without memories - their personality honestly doesn’t change much aside from obvious Resident Evil stuff & their bond with their dad.

WITH MEMORIES : So to start , Jack is an extremely blunt individual - they have a tendency to be a little bitch-faced and kinda-sorta don’t show their emotions very well , but they’re also extremely honest and don’t lie at all. They DO have a sense of morals & take everything they learned from their dad to heart - especially given the fact that now they’re aware of everything he’s done and been through and that they’re gonna be going through the same thing. But they also carry around a Devil-may-care attitude , snarky & rebellious and honestly maybe a bit short-tempered. But they are smart. They are smart and they know it and thank god they know how to act quickly on their feet in bad situations - they’re just. Kind of a dick. 

WITHOUT MEMORIES : So Jack wasn’t as nearly as close with their fake-life parents as they were their actual father , Leon , and that impacts them in the sense that they’re slightly more of a lone wolf than they were before losing their memories. They only remember rebelling against their parents & fighting with them whereas in real time . . . Jack & Leon never really argued. Jack never really disobeyed. But NOW they just remember always doing what the opposite of what their parents said and that sorta fuels their fire. And also , Jack isn’t haunted by what they’ve seen in terms of bioterrorism and viruses and all that , so that leaves them unaffected. They overall don’t change much , they’re just . . . them.

GENERAL FACTS ABOUT THEM AHEAD THAT REALLY DON’T CHANGE , BUT

Jack . . . is kind of. A philanderer aishufhasush like I will not lie to you they are an extreme flirt and honestly get around but will never commit due to the fact they fear strong attachments and what they mean so just. Apologies for that.

And when I say Jack is self-serving , I mean so in the sense that they only do things if the consequence benefits them or something they care for or someone they care about - like Jack will help their loved ones because they love their loved ones , but otherwise , they really just . . . want to only get involved if it physically , mentally , financially , socially , what have you benefits them.

They’re a DICK but they’re not like... an awful , awful person. They’re just sorta someone who mainly thinks of themselves and looks out for number one and those who PERTAIN to number one. It’s sorta better to show their character rather than like . . . tell , because they’re not the most nicey-nice OC but they’re like they’re dad - kind of grouchy & snarky sometimes but still with good intentions and not at all a bad person. Leon’s such a good character and Jack is both EXTREMELY like him and also. Not. 

Also rly quick Jack’s pronouns are again they/them and they take both masculine and feminine titles if there isn’t a gender-neutral option available. Jack said fuck gender.

ANNEA-WAAAYYYY onto the next part -

III. THE FUTURE - WHO MAKES YOUR CIRCLE ??

Just ?? General WCs I guess ?? Idk I got no braincells when it comes to this shit but

I’m gonna get the begging for hookup & ex connections out of the way FIRST because Jack is honestly. Again. A philanderer. Definitely kinda like a fuckboy tbh ausydgygdyagysgds

ALSSOOOOOO I’d love 2 see ppl that Jack just frequently butts heads with ?? Again they are kinda fighty so I’d love to see some enemies around

They don’t have a lot of friends so a few friends would be nice - but only a FEW close friends bc again Jack doesn’t rly open up , they keep their cards to their chest while simultaneously being an open book and it’s Confusing 

may b a longshot but . . . o-other . . . Resident Evil kids ?? Please ?? Baby Redfields ?? Please ??

IDK LIKE I’LL RLY TAKE ANYTHING BUT. that’s it for now if i do ciel’s intro tonight i will be genuinely shocked bc i’m EXHAUSTED bt yeah !! here’s jack !!

[baskervilleshund]

4,5 years of Gotham in my life♥

Wow my emotions these last days. I’m not much of a text poster on this site but when Gotham ended I really felt I wanted to write this!

Gotham has been a huge part of my life for so long now. 4 years and 7 months since the first episode aired, that’s some time gosh. And so much has happened during this journey! I just wanna mention some memorable things during these years. Like remember the pre-s02x09 excitement?? And other stuffs, ah here we go!

The first trailer made me SO EXCITE, I had wanted more batman villains content for years since I have always found the batman villains squad so interesting and good and unique characters, there is so much to explore here! And so the Gotham trailer came and I just OH MY GOD this is exactly what I want!! And so it started and it was amazing. My first love was Ed, it took him his first scene in ep1 to make me go totally THIS IS MY FAV! More eps went on and I required more Ed content. But then Oswald slowly grew on me kinda out of nowhere like I wasn’t expecting it. And when amazing ep7 aired it just hit down on me from the sky, like it does when I know I got a new obsession/fandom. Oswald’s amazing scenes in ep7 and I went ”Okay this is it, I’M DEEP INTO THIS NOW AND I LOVE IT!”. In exactly THIS↓ scene/moment I basically said those words out loud and realized this is my life now, ugh also one of my fav looks I miss the bangs:

Shortly after ep7 I started shipping Nygmobblepot, since we knew who these characters were and who they will end up being it made SO much sense in this show, they were like the two familiar main villains in kinda the same age and I also loved them both so I mean it was obvious for me. Man in the beginning we were so very few in the shipping Nygmob pond, in the OCEAN of Gobblepot. It was a bit of a struggle sometimes, ppl wrote hate on my Nygmob posts n stuff shrug. And I just didn’t get how not more ppl could see it? It would make more sense if this were new characters like they hadn’t even met but since we knew this is Riddler and Penguin it just was fate for them to cross paths soon enough! We needed Nygmob content! I started making tons of my own AU:s since if the show wouldn’t give us content I would do it.

BUT we had Robin & Cory with us! Reminder that Cory invented the shipname after 5 minutes and Robin & Cory’s amazing twitter activity during s1 especially I will always remember as a fav. Remember when they we’re so into roleplaying Nygmob and spoke how Ed & Os loved each other and all sorts of things. All about going to The Foxglove together and stuff. Ugh it was amazing, I miss their interactions.  

In this very smol pond is when one day my shining star @conscience-killer (aka okimi79)  approached me, with this ♥ ”Sometimes I feel we’re the only Nygmobblepot shippers in the world…well apart from Robin and Cory. We should have a secret handshake or something.”

And man did we get a secret handshake! Gosh MY DEAR OKIMI! That I up til this day since then has spoken with like everyday for 4,5 years, you are amazing ♥ And in that time of so few shippers it felt even more special, to have  someone else out there as obsessed as me. I’m so grateful we found each other at exactly that time and we’ve been through so much on this journey ♥.

When Nygmob in spring finally had their first scene it was so amazing and I have no idea how many times I have watched that scene to this day, and also with that the ship grew a bit yas!!

Let’s jump forward a bit. NYC Comic Con 2015 in fall, one of my fav Robin & Cory cons/interview times! Because the legendary ep 2x9 was soon upon us and OMG remember how excite they were in those interviews!?! And THEN, that fkn night THE episode aired. I couldn’t believe it was real, it was EVERYTHING we had dreamed of!!! SO MUCH NYGMOB CONTENT and so in character and gosh. Man their season 2 relationship is just so beautiful and I love it til this day and 2x9 is forever my favorite episode because it meant EVERYTHING for us shippers and more people also started seeing the connection between Nygmob and so more ppl started to make content and join in!

A time after another shining star came into my life, @constant-sinner (aka (riddlelvr) ♥ This amazing person and artist! And together with her and okimi I am part of the best trash family of three and I can’t believe I’ve been a mom (yet i’m the youngest but i’m fashion fur coat mom okay) to these trash sinners for like 4 years. ♥

Okay but remember all INSANE SMAYLOR CONTENT BEFORE SEASON 3!!? Man that was also one of the best times I had during these years. God they were so excite for their relationship in s3 and WEREN’T WE ALL! And omg Comic Con. I had my fkn header for 3 years soon lol, man that moment I remember seeing the signing booth stream all casual and Robin & Cory goes “Smaaylor!! Nygmobblepot!!! ;))” And I’m just wait WHUT omg. Their press tours with Sean is something I’ll miss even more than the episodes, always such a joy seeing those three together!

And when season 3 started it was just insane. To be honest how their relationship grew in s3 that’s how I expected it to grow after their meeting in s1, it made sense already back then. Ed admiring Oswald and sneaking to his club and Oswald would be a huge part of Ed’s journey to become the Riddler but ah well, I did my best with my AU:s back then!

And then s3 came and Gotham EXPLODED and I had no idea where all million ppl suddenly came from lol. It became huge. But since it still feels kinda close to this day (2,5 yrs though man), my most nostalgic feels will always be over s1-2 so I’m not gonna write so much about the season 3-5 times in this text. My closest to heart milestones is during the first years and now that I’ve seen all episodes I still think season 1 is the best overall, except the lack of Nygmob content ofc ;)

I’ve not just felt love for the show ofc, the show isn’t perfect. There has been serious flaws and bad writing and plot drops. Tbh s4 I just felt so NOPE about? 22 eps of waste…Like Ed’s plot for example like he barley had his own plot what happened? And we also have the q*eerbait Nygmob issue obviously. I have also felt the show has been a bit childish being -helloo- GOTHAM city we’re talking about? I think it would have been much better off with a MA-rating tbh to properly tell certain stories. After s4 though I’m glad in s5 Nygmob finally got some proper screen time being together and in character!! Like that’s how their relationship should have been from beginning of season 4, or season 1 if u ask me lol but ya know!

BUT I LOVE THIS SHOW, the amazing actors and characters and scenery and costumes!! Ed, Oswald, Robin & Cory will ofc always have the most special place in my heart ♥ The Nygmob journey in the show has meant so much to me to follow it from day one and I never knew how much this show would mean to me when I started back in the day.

This show. And not just the show itself but my journey and life around it!!? So much has happened. For one example I had made a bit of gifs before but Gotham really got me into gif making, and it’s been a joy sharing content and my Nygmob AU will always be among my most fun things I’ve done, it was like if they ain’t gonna give us enough content I WILL. It’s a fun way of gif making to manip scenes to create something new! And today I still enjoy making gifs, as you probably know heh. Thanks so much for all nice comments and reblogs through all these years ya’ll!! It warms my heart and I love to read reblog tags! 

I have been at con and got to meet Robin, enjoyed so many interviews and promos, chatted with wonderful people. Every Friday night I have been up in my Europe timezone at 2am to live watch the show, the workdays after has been a bit of a struggle of being tired with going to bed like 5am lol but man it’s been so nice to follow it when it airs!

Watching together with my dearest @conscience-killer and @constant-sinner . Two of the best that happened to me during these years. These two people that I’ve spoken with like everyday for 4 years! Through Gotham finding two of my dearest friends in my life. Watching the show together and screaming, crying, laughing during this journey, about not just the show but EVERYTHING in life. They also are amazing writers and artists ♥ And also helped me endless times with gif caption when my non-native brain trying to write gif captions at 3am after the episode lol. All my love to you both ♥

THANKS TO ALL AMAZING PEOPLE that impacted me over these years. The cast and nice fandom people! My dearest @conscience-killer and @constant-sinner. And I also wanna mention dear @millicentcordelia and @selene-volturo that are amazing ppl that have been here with me since the very beginning of season 1. And they have always been so down to earth even during the stormiest periods of this show’s existence ♥ I’m so glad we’ve shared this LONG journey!

And also hugs to my dear mutual fandom friends that I’ve shared hours of conversations with over the years. Some of us maybe don’t speak as much nowadays and some of us have gone separate ways with new interests but I hope you know who you all are, regardless if we spoke yesterday or 2015. You have made my fandom time a joy!

I’m actually okay with the show ending now you know. Ofc it’s a bit sad but as I said I felt s4 was kinda stomping around in the same spot and even s5 had some fillers like they didn’t have more to do to push the story forward? The last ep was a nice easter egg wrap up for this LONG journey. And I mean shows live on with fan content, and who knows maybe it will return somehow? But it feels good they told us it would end so I was prepared for this and to say ”goodbye”. But it’s not goodbye because content will continue on this site and I’ll continue re-enjoy this show!

This is 4,5 years. In 2 pages, I could prob write 20 but ah, but i felt I got to to summary the most important things for me over these years ♥. This show and stuff that came with it will always be such a big part of my life, ALL LOVE AND HUGS!

[guardiandae]

.

I got so hyped for parts of TFA and towards the end really enjoyed it immensely but I still feel really cheated that the beginning was so rushed. It would’ve been so easy for them to just take five extra seconds to really sink the hook into me for each of the characters from the start, but it feels like if anything was originally there it got chopped out in favor of faster, faster editing or maybe they completely forgot to put it in there to start with.

Like, what makes me a little mad is that the stuff I wanted, actually was in the film, but way later, like I expected. Like, the fact that Finn was abducted, trained all his life as a trooper, and that was the first battle he’d ever seen. If they’d taken literally a second to drop that info right at the start. And I really think that Poe should’ve actually questioned Finn and his intentions for 2 freaking seconds when they first met, bc the convo they did have... doesn’t cut it for me. Poe is the best pilot for the Resistance, he’s just been tortured for info, and he doesn’t even think that a storm trooper conveniently trying to help him out isn’t a little suspicious? It could’ve easily been a trick?? Hell, even if they had Finn, while in the tie fighter, go, ‘why do you trust me?’ and have Poe spout some sympathetic understanding for storm troopers, that would’ve helped a lot. As much as I super love Poe and Finn becoming such fast friends, their limited interaction lacked the appropriate depth, and not necessarily for lack of time together but lack of just, realistic or proper communication. Literally five, ten seconds and some extra questions and answers, like what I suspected and Phasma later said, Finn was going to be reconditioned, which is probably an awful experience, so fuck yeah he wanted to get out of there right then. I was so on board and SHOOK by Finn’s first scenes, seeing a trooper die in front of him, the blood smeared across his helm, the way he hesitated, the way he tried to follow the motions but couldn’t shoot the innocent villagers, I was. so. there. but then they just rushed everything so fast and didn’t give proper dialogue to bring it home. Like yes we can infer what’s going on, yes we can find out about it in retrospect but in this circumstance it’s not the same? Especially since it makes no sense for Poe to trust him, knowing how awful the New Order is, and not getting any like.. convincing... thing out of Finn. No, ‘I need to leave, they’ll recondition me’ just hey buddy let’s run off together! Sure I suddenly trust you there’s no way this could stab me in the back or put the entire Resistance in jeopardy!

Like. I wanna have fun so badly but just take the extra five seconds to let me??? Especially since later on when they reuinite like... I so want that to be a 150% awesome moment and believe in their deep friendship BUT THEY HAD NOTHING TO BOND OVER? LIKE? POE 100% TRUSTED HIM FROM THE START (BUT FOR NO REASON) AND LUCKILY FIN WAS ACTUALLY A NICE GUY? THE FUCK? Don’t cheat me, JJ Abrams.

The other thing that bugged me was, when Rey and BB8 first crossed paths, I was so confused by the entire interaction. She saved him from tha alienn guy, but that whole interaction made it seem like she knew BB8, hence going straight to his rescue, and knew what the alien was doing, bc it’s something that has happened more than once already. Like, as if BB8 had been with Rey for a while, and she had to keep trying to get that little guy from scraping him. Which I was 100% cool with and then realized, uh, no, she has no idea who BB8 is. Only later it’s made clear that droids are basically treated like people .. or at least Rey and others treats droids like they are free and sentient people, I suppose sleezy scrappers might not. But it’s just... very bizarre, I don’t know. If they’d somehow made that sentiment clear, hat Rey considered BB8 their own person, then maybe that would’ve cleared some things up. Because honestly once I was like, “ok so they DON’T know each other” I was like “so why is that little alien taking shit from her? That droid could be sold for a lot of money.” It’d make more sense for her to be like, this is my turf, my droid! That or, ‘droids are not property, leave it alone.’

Like.. idk, stop leaving me confused for so long before making it clear later on in the film. It’s not effective storytelling, it’s not an ~intriguing mystery~, especially when there’s SO MUCH MORE PLOT to get to in the movie, it’s just making it harder for me to get on board with the fun because nothing makes sense and these ‘mysteries’ are THINGS THAT WOULD HELP ME CONNECT TO THE CHARACTERS I’M SUPPOSED TO BE CARING ABOUT. I WANT TO. I FUCKING WANT TO CARE ABOUT THEM AND CRY EVERY DAY AND YOU ARE STANDING IN MY WAY, JJ ABRAMS.

Also, I’ve got a lot of ppl on my dash heavily invested into this fandom, especially Hux/Kylo shippers, which is part of why I was so disappointed bc I thought it’d be so much more enjoyable from the start? Like yes it was enjoyable but the beginning had such poor storytelling... anyway, my Kylux shipping friends and fandom at large led me to believe that Kylo Ren was this emo baby who has temper tantrums and cries all the time and is always emotionally unstable and Hux is like his chill 2 cool for school 2nd hand man who has to like, hold Kylo together and take his shit and get the job done while Kylo is like borderline incompetent bc he is so sad and emo and tortured.

Except, the movie is none of that. In fact I had kind of the opposite impression. It’s probably 90% bc Kylo’s face is hidden most of the time, but Hux even from his first lines is acted with this extremely tense, constipated, agitatio like he’s ready to either explore or burst into angry tears at any time. Like, am I the only one who got that from this face? 

it’s like Kylo has his balls in a Force vice grip at all times, I’m serious, I had to just mentally accept that in order to tolerate all of his lines, like, this poor guy, he has to worry about his balls being crushed, I get it now.

Plus there’s this 

Like, you could take that Nazi fervor back a notch, you’re frothing at the mouth ,bud. It doesn’t feel like he’s seriously into it, it seems more like there’s some very painful threat against him if he fails .. like his balls being crushed... off screen (bc I did not catch any threats to him on screen? but even so, like, he should’ve been slightly more chill, then that threat should’ve been made, then he’s like, fuck bro my balls, and the constipated nazi thing would’ve been understandable? idk)

also this all made me remember that I’ve never understood the politics involved in the entire Star Wars series and ... yeah I’m really fucking lost at this point, for sure. and don’t really gaf about the franchise to go watch them all and see if it’ll click for me. More likely I’ll be madder about more dumb shit I never noticed when I first saw these films when I was like, 10. lmao. Altho... my wife Padme... >.>

But yeah like... Kylo gets mad and trashes shit with his lightsaber but that’s cool and also like, I get where his anger and connflict is coming from (tahbnks to FAN META AND NOT THE FUCKING MOVIE) but I don’t get where Hux’s also very visible emotional agitation comes from.

Also, Snokes. I only know Kylo’s backstory so much bc of meta, and they do state the stuff in the film, but it would’ve been nice to bring it together, maybe when Han was trying to talk to him? like, according to fan meta, and Leia, Snokes basically groomed Kylo into the dark side when he was young... Han, come on, there could’ve been a little more said. There’s supposed to be so much weight behind that story but it feels empty when nobody really touches on it as much as they should. Like, I don’t need lengthy exposition, I just need a smidge  more than the bare fucking crumbs you’re giving me. Tho the ‘I’m being torn apart’ thing was nice tbh but without understanding why within the story it still risks just sounding dramatic for no reason. But, we know Kylo was tempted away to the dark side by Snokes, killed a bunch of kiddos, and ..? Basically I guess. He says he feels tempted by the light, his family, but aside from a few shreds that’s kind of all we get. 

Like, idk. There’s so. much. in this film that should be touched on more and given more weight but, instead it’s like nothing ends up feeling impactful. Poe gets tortured, Finn has faced his first battle and was clearly traumatized by it (the acting was greattt even before he took off that helmet wow that’s why I got so disappointed) but there’s no moment to transition, just, HEY PAL, LET’S RUN AWAY TOGETHER, YEE HAW. We can have weighty drama and lighthearted fun for the kids. We can. We really can.

Also, Rey’s abandonment on the planet, only the bit where Kylo is getting into her head cements the fact that she is so lonely and was left behind (also Maz, I love Maz). Also, Han’s death, also the destruction of an entire solar system. It all just felt so rushed, not much was allowed to hold any weight, even stuff I knew was supposed to be important?

Maybe it’s just me though, maybe I’m just really fucking dumb and like things to be clearly spelled out and stated and cemented together but, .. like I said,  I don’t expect exposition, I just expect like, a little moment where maybe Poe is suspicious of Finn, maybe Poe is clearly not okay (post torture and all) but then pulls himself together and is lie, yeah let’s do this, like... let me cry.

The only time I did cry was seeing Carrie fisher appear on screen the first time. AAEAAAUUGGGHHH!!!!!!!! ;;;;;;;;;;;;

Also, what’s up with R2D2 being a convenient asshole who slept for ages apparently and then conveniently wakes back up with the rest of the map they needed after all the fighting is done like... u dickhole. 

Also Luke is an enormous dickhole I’m pretty sure.

Also like, how long do these people live? Bc like, only 20 years or so shouldn’t be long enough for Rey to be like, ‘wow I thought Jedi weren’t real wow I thought that was a myth wow, wow’ like bitch that’s RECENT HISTORY, RECENT VERY IMPORTANT HISTORY, THERE WAS A ENTIRE HUGE JEDI WAR VS STORM TROOPERS THAT WASN’T THAT DAMN LONG AGO, AND STORM TROOPERS ARE REAL AS SHIT, KYLO REN’S FORCE POWERS ARE REAL AS SHIT, WHY DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS, Y’ALL GOT WARPSPEED ‘GARBAGE’ SPACESHIPS LYING AROUND BUT Y’ALL AIN’T GOT THE INTERNET, TWITTER? THE FUCK. STORM TROOPERS WOULD BE POSTING VINES OF KYLO’S EPIC MELTDOWNS. (RIP VINE, BUT THIS WOULD BE VINE 3.0 IN THE FUTURE~)

Idk. Maybe I’m old and bad storytelling bothers the fuck out of me. 

But I recently watched Mad Max Fury Road and every single part of that ws fucking flawless? Like? I donnn’t even need flawless I JUST NEED YOU TO TAKE 5 SECONDS TO LET ME CONNECT TO THESE CHARACTERS THAT I WANT TO LOVE AND ALLOW ME TO UNDERSTAND SOME BASIC CONCEPTS SO I CAN ENJOY YOUR FUCKING MOVIE JJ ABRAMS YOU LENSFLARE SHIT. YOUR STORYTELLING AND PACING IS BAD AND U SHOULD FEEL BAD.

didn’t like Hux as much as I thought I was going to.. or even remotely :/

didn’t like Rey, Finn, or Poe as much as I really wanted to. I liked them, but I could’ve liked them so much more and I feel robbed.

Maz, special guest appearance by Bloodraven!!, and Crotchy Old Man Han Solo were really the saving graces of this movie for me.

also, Kylo was actually really well acted imo, and fairly relatable despite also suffering from that limited screen time, limited chance to connect to the audience .. he did get more than anyone else, tho. 

but I enjoyed the movie. 

5/10 would have to watch it again to try to sink more understanding and feels into it that I should’ve been allowed to know from the start.

but I don’t think I will watch it again, glad I rented it and didn’t buy it :/

BUT, I KEPT JOGGING IN PLACE DURING THE MOVIE AND I GOT MY 20K STEP GOAL TODAY SO LMAO