#it's already been scary but it's about to get crazier

[ottermatopoeia]

Tr*mp being found guilty is awesome but at this point I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Shit's about to get VERY real, VERY quickly.

[bluewxrld07]

She's All I Wanna Be (Trevor Zegras)

Trevor Zegras x Reader - Instagram AU

Warning(s): Angst

Summary: Based off Tate McRae's song She's All I Wanna Be :)

dixiedamelio just posted a photo!!

liked by charlidamelio, mileycyrus, trevorzegras, and 1,250,542 others

dixiedamelio Inner Miley Cyrus Bangerz era.... oh and pc to Z

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user1 ok but her suit slays

user2 anybody else notice she didn't tag Trevor? Little sis if you ask me

user3 We all know they're together at this point. They just don't want to rip the bandaid off

user2 Right? We all know he dumped yourusername to be with Dixie. He's just trying to avoid confirmation

charlidamelio 🦆

addisonrae Bod goals af

trevorzegras 😳

trevorzegras sorry still in awe of u

user4 He doesn't even try to hide it

yourusername just posted a photo!

liked by jackhughes, yourbff, jamiedrysdale, colecaufield and 1,475,998 others

yourusername you want the girl with the small waist, and the perfect smile

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user1 She's always been so gorgeous I am obsessed w/her

user2 Glad to see a model who has the same body type as me owning it 🥰

user3 Yeeesshhhh Trevor's loss

user4 Why would she post something like this when her body looks like that? It's actually horrendous 🤢

user1 This is what healthy looks like first off? Second off she's a gym influencer who heavy lifts? What's your talent? Tell me her confidence levels are annoying you without actually telling me fr user4

yourbff Currrrves for daysss

yourbff Hottie w/ a body??!

jackhughes Bestie looking fine as always

yourbff um jackhughes bye she's my bff get your own bff since your last one has a trashy looking type jackhughes Shhhh don't expose me like that we don't claim it

trevorzegras just posted a photo!

liked by charlidamelio, dixiedamelio, alexturcotte, and 1,045,609 others

trevorzegras Obsessed w/ u

tagged: dixiedamelio

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user1 well this wasn't on my bingo card

user2 omg isn't that Charli's sister? I forgot her name. What does she do???

user1 I'm dead, you really clowning her lmfao user2

user3 So much prettier than what's her face

user4 I miss yourusername

user5 It's the fact that she's back to her darker hair? Anyone finding that a little weird?

dixiedamelio All heart eyes for you 😘

yourusername just posted a photo!

liked by yourbff, jackhughes, tatemcrae, gigihadid, and 2,649,913 others

yourusername if you say she's nothing to worry about, then why'd close your eyes when I said it out loud?

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jackhughes Bring me my matcha latte

yourusername I'd already be there if someone didn't drop it, so we're getting you a new one jackhughes yourbff It wasn't my fault the door didn't announce its presence..... jackhughes only you'd blame the door yourbff

user1 Literally love this girl

user2 Kinda crazy Trevor posts Dixie right after yourusername posted. He also never posted her, so what makes Dixie so different lmao

user3 what’s crazier is that Dixie literally just dyed her hair blonde and cut it so short, to now having dark hair and extensions 🤔

yourbff You look sooo good

yourbff IM obsessed w/ YOU

user4 The shade lmfao crazy

dixiedamelio posted a photo!

liked by noahbeck, charlidamelio, tanamongeau, trevorzegras and 3,146,098 others

dixiedamelio thanks vanity fair for the fun day 💅🏼

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user1 ohhhh boy…

user2 Yeah it’s scary how much she’s tryna look like yourusername

tanamongeau Wow Dix ballsy as fuck lmao

yourbff interesting.

user3 SO glad yourbff sees it too

user4 Dixie can try to look like her, but she won’t ever be able to lift like her. Bet she can’t lift anything over ten pounds

jackhughes just posted a photo!

liked by yourbff, colecaufield, l_hughes03, yourusername and 5,973,899 others

jackhughes We can lay on her and she still doesn’t feel a thing. Probably could lift us both with her eyes closed

tagged: yourusername, colecaufield

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user1 I’m living for Jack being on her side during this lmfao

user2 The SHADE LMFAO JACK

user3 Let’s see Dixie try to remake this photo bahahah

yourbff Pretty sure you all fell asleep like that too

yourusername we did lmfao

colecaufield comfiest I’ve ever slept

jackhughes 10/10 recommend

yourbff Writing out the yelp review rn

l_hughes03 I call top next time

yourbff just posted a photo!

liked by tatemcrae, yourusername, colecaufield and 1,347,856 others

yourbff I was just as amazed as Tate was when y/n lifted me onto her back. Carrying me on her back as well as she did with her last relationship. Stupid boy making her so sad

tagged: tatemcrae, yourusername

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tatemcrae That last line in your caption sounding a little familiar 🤔🤔

tatemcrae But also me next, me next!!

jackhughes I walked in on this

l_hughes03 I walked out on this

colecaufield I wanna be in on this

yourusername you’re all a pain in my ass on this

yourbff We just love you ok

*liked by yourusername, jackhughes, l_hughes03, colecaufield and tatemcrae*

user1 This friendgroup is what I strive to have in life

user2 Dixie kicking and punching air rn

*liked by yourbff*

dixiedamelio posted a photo!

liked by charlidamelio, trevorzegras, jamiedrysdale, alexturcotte and 4,137,980 others

dixiedamelio all mine plus bff

tagged : trevorzegras, alexturcotte

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user1 Girl keep him lmfao nobody gonna steal him like you did to yourusername

*liked by yourbff*

user2 Nah man not Alex bro rip 🥲🥲

trevorzegras all yours ❤️

charlidamelio He wanted someone he could show off whenever you go out

dixiedamelio I’ll wear a tight mini black dress with all my friends around 💅🏼

user3 ohhhh she PETTY petty

user4 Her and her sister wanna be besties with Tate and yourusername so bad omfg it’s a headache

*liked by yourbff and tatemcrae*

tanamongeau I think I’ve seen similar posts like these somewhere….🤔

yourusername posted a photo!

liked by jackhughes, tatemcrae, yourbff, trevorzegras and 7,247,113 others

yourusername I’m all she wanna be so bad

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user1 OH NOW THIS WAS A TWIST

user2 Not her turning the lyrics around to call out Dixie oop

tatemcrae lyric change approved 😚❤️

yourusername 🥰💅🏼

yourbff kind of like this version better

tatemcrae Glad I’m not the only one

jackhughes Permission to call you mommy after seeing this post?

yourusername denied

yourbff denied

tatemcrae denied

l_hughes03 Wow you got rejected more than me my Freshman year at Umich jackhughes

colecaufield The better looking ex

user3 It’s the fact Trevor liked the post too I’m dead

*liked by yourbff and yourusername*

[mochatsin]

WHEN THE BROTHERS MEET MC’S EX

It’s a fact that you’ve had a previous relationship before you went to Devildom, but due to the nature of the circumstances it didn’t end so well. You never told any of the brothers what really happened until now, so how will they react with this newfound information? Especially when they end up bumping into your ex?

The ex became crazier than I ORIGINALLY intended when I wrote for some of the brothers to make the scenarios unique from each other… that also means some of the break ups and behaviors of the ex are different for each brother… forgive me “T-T !!!

Has some implied abuse but not outright said. Also some mentions of cheating (but not for the brothers dear god). Pls skip if it's not your cup of tea!! As always, thank you for reading.

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Lucifer

He knows about the fact you had a previous lover before, but it was not in his nature to pry. Hearing Asmo wonder out loud “aren’t you a little curious what happened in their previous relationship though?” Lucifer doesn’t want to admit that he does want to know. But it’s your story to tell after all.

Lucifer is confident in his looks and how he presents himself. He’s well-mannered, he’s intelligent, and he’s the Avatar of Pride so what could you have seen in anyone other than– okay, maybe Lucifer may be too curious for his own good. But his Pride would not allow him to be vocal about it. 

There was a time that you came home from RAD seemingly upset and shaken up. He helps you relax enough until you are calm enough to at least tell him what was wrong. You tell him that your ex has been bothering you lately, trying to get your attention for god knows what reason. 

This opens up the conversation Lucifer was waiting for, but it’s not exactly what he was expecting. You told him how you had to break the relationship because your ex became too manipulative and nitpicked every single thing that you did. It became too toxic.

Hearing this made Lucifer think back to all his actions towards his brothers and to you, where he demands everything to the last detail. He never wanted you to feel suffocated around him, he didn’t want to seem too controlling.

The last thing Lucifer wants for himself to remind you of your ex. He wants to practice healthy communications with you, where you can give him a sign if he’s getting too much or something is starting to trigger you. Your comfort is more important right now, and he’d hate to be the cause of your tears. 

He’s tempted to go through your profile case to find the name of your ex and hunt him down personally. Maybe chain him up in the dungeons for days to be Lucifer’s new stress relief outlet until they beg for mercy. But he won’t because it’s your personal life and he doesn’t want to interfere.

When you two bump into your ex while you were out together, his eyes narrowed at the sight of this pathetic human that made his precious MC’s life awful. ‘I want to show them what living hell really feels like… I want to break them in all aspects possible…’ Is a thought running rampant in his mind. 

He brings you close to him, an arm holding your waist as he turns to your ex “No matter the reason, it will not excuse interrupting our leisure time. Your previous transgressions already warrant a punishment. Now run home, while you still can.” He says, a voice so commanding yet foreboding. The dark aura looming around the skies is already a death threat in itself. Your ex is leaving without another word.

The skies cleared and Lucifer turned to you with a soft look, before pressing a kiss on your forehead. He checks if you felt shaken up from the experience and if you were, he’ll hold you close as you both go home while he whispers soothing words by your ear.

He’ll treat you like royalty, basically in second place after Asmo when it comes to pampering you. Lucifer wants to do everything to make you forget that scary experience and if you let him, he’ll personally handle all affairs regarding your ex.

“MC… please believe me when I say that you’re precious. You should never have to go through something like that again, I’ll make sure you’re always safe and happy everyday” He says, placing a kiss on your hand and cheek before pulling you in for an embrace.

After that incident, he makes sure your ex has no way of contacting you ever again for whatever reason. If only he could, he would’ve locked the bastard in the castle dungeons and performed any punishment he saw fit. He’ll eliminate anything and anyone that causes you pain or distress. 

Your ex better watch their back soon. Because it’s always as if the shadows are moving despite nothing being there. There’s always an extra pair of footsteps that can be heard even though they’re alone when walking home. Red eyes glaring at them from the distance before disappearing in a blink. The paranoia that something is watching them would drive them crazy, but the real miracle is if they’d ever make it home without a scratch. 

Mammon

Mammon didn’t take it well when he learned that there was someone else before him that won your heart. He’s supposed to be your first in everything after all! So he may have been a little bit pouty but it didn’t take much to cheer him up again. Just a little bit of affection got him back on his feet. 

He was curious to know who this someone must’ve been to win your affections before the Great Mammon himself, because it was only fair to assume there must’ve been something special about this person right? 

He was quite insistent on it but he respects it when you want to keep it to yourself. Mammon was quite tempted to go through Lucifer’s office to perhaps look at your file, but he doesn’t want to upset you if you found out his attempts to learn more about your personal life behind your back. 

One day he finds you looking pretty upset and as much as you try to hide it, Mammon knows you the best out of all the brothers so he’s not letting you off the hook until you tell him what’s wrong. He needs to know so he can think of how to cheer you up.

You eventually give in and tell him that your ex has been bothering you lately. You told Mammon about how your ex practically ran off with some of your things, ditching you in the dust. Now they’re back but you don’t want anything to do with them, because you’re sure they’re just going to take from you again if you give them a chance to hear them out.

Mammon’s thoughts went a thousand miles per second as you told your story. First, he can’t believe for a second that he envied this asshole! Second, he started to feel the worry that his poor behavior might make you remember your ex. 

He holds you close and tries his best to reassure you that he won’t let your ex even get away with a single dime from you. “If they try to even look at ya I’m gonna have to start chargin’ a fee! They can’t touch the valuables yknow?” And that was enough to cheer you up, even a little.

Mammon is practically glued to you everywhere you go just to make sure you’re doing okay. If you thought he was overprotective before, prepare to be proven wrong. On times that Mammon isn’t with you, there’s always a crow circling around the area around you instead. 

Mammon is extra vigilant of your things after he learned what happened. No one is ever stealing from you again because your treasure is his treasure now. At some point he tried to pick a fight with a classmate that just wanted to borrow your eraser… his heart is in the right place though!

When you two bump into your ex, Mammon gets the first word in the conversation. “Listen here ya piece of shit, if you ever think of bothering my MC again you better start sleeping with one eye open. There’s gonna be a bounty on your head when I'm through with you.” You practically had to hold him back from hitting your ex personally and causing a scene.

When your ex tries to butt in and talk to you, Mammon blocks you from their view “Lost your chance buddy, now go and scram unless you wanna gamble how many teeth will be left of ya once we’re done.” If anyone knows one thing, it’s to not accept a bet made by Mammon himself. There’s not a gamble he made that he didn’t win. 

As soon as they left, Mammon grabs your hand and leads you away as if you both are on the run. “Come on! Before that loser changes their mind, let’s high tail outta here!” He says with a flashy grin. 

Mammon spends the day trying to make you smile again. “Don’t worry about spending a dime, i snagged us some spare change” He says, holding up the wallet he stole from your ex during that confrontation. In his defense, if your ex stole from you then he might as well get even, right? 

He’s definitely not through with your ex now that he’s seen their face. With enough determination and patience from the fourth born, Mammon learned a specific curse for your ex. Now every time they’d need money for something, their wallet would always run short on cash. There’s never going to be enough money, but for some reason they always want more. Well, that’s the Avatar of Greed for you. 

Where does the money go? To Mammon’s pocket of course! Satan was wary of encouraging this bad habit of his brother by letting him have more money but after learning who this victim is? Say no more. That’ll show em to never steal from his human ever again. 

Levi

It didn’t sit well with Levi that you used to date someone else before. The idea that you gave your heart away to another person before Levi fills him with this twang of jealousy. Though he’s the Avatar of Envy so that’s to be expected. 

He doesn’t want to admit that in front of you though, so sometimes he starts talking to his goldfish to cope with it. Levi gets nervous and wonders what could have possibly happened in your previous relationship that made you end it. He’s scared that maybe he’s worse off than your ex or does the same thing. What if he’s already deep waters without realizing?!

It takes a while for him to build up the courage to ask you about it without his envy or anxiety getting in the way of making himself upset and backing out. He wants to know more about you after all, and that includes this. 

You talk about our old ex and how they were terrible to you. You found out that your ex cheated on you and it really did a number on your self-esteem, but you were better at masking that than Levi.

Levi felt awful for making you remember these memories, but at the same time he’s also pissed. How could anyone decide that you weren’t enough to the point they’d replace you? The idea of it is repulsive. He doesn’t even feel like he deserves you himself! Yet your ex had the chance to cherish someone as amazing as you and threw it all away. 

He’d wrap his arms and legs around you, feeling himself about to cry just thinking about how painful that must’ve been. “I-i don’t even know what to say but… I’d never hurt you like that. I’m sorry MC…” 

His empathy for you is enough to cheer you up and Levi spends the rest of the night trying to make you forget about your ex by letting you pick the games or shows to watch in his room. Though a part of him wants to go through the web and look for the bastard. 

Levi may be an anxious sweetheart, but he’s not the kind that would let someone who made you feel so low just run carefree. He’s a demon too, you know? so hacking into your ex’s online accounts and sabotaging them is not something out of his book. He could freeze their assets if he tried hard enough.

When you two end up running into them, Levi could hardly contain himself. Usually he would be the one cowering behind you whenever there are strangers he’s never met, but this time he put himself in between you two. 

“Even though I'm just an otaku, at least I could tell when something is rare and valuable. I bet a normie like you can’t understand that, seeing how you let go of someone as precious as MC.” Levi hissed, fangs threatening to bare at this scum until your ex finally decides to back off. 

Levi keeps his eyes narrowed at your ex until they disappear from sight. His glare is enough to convey that if the ex ever tries to turn around and take a step forward, Levi will have to do something about it. Once he’s sure that the ex is shaky out of sight, he finally lets out the breath he never knew he was holding in his lungs before he checks up on you. 

“I-i know that I'm not the best at a lot of things. Not looks… or sports… o-or studies. But I want to be someone who’s worthy of you!” Levi says, determination in his tone despite the constant stuttering.

To an otaku, you’re one of the rarest collectibles Levi has ever had the luxury of having, and he wants to prove that to the world! He won’t allow anyone to see you any less than that. One day he’ll make an entire powerpoint and show it off to the entire House of Lamentation titled ‘100 Reasons Why MC is the Best’

Your ex should be careful in entering any sort of body of water, especially the ocean. Who knows? Lotan might be looking for the perfect bite-sized meal soon. 

Satan

Satan learned your tells whenever you seem to flinch around people raising their voices. It happens a lot in a house full of rowdy brothers, but he sensed it more whenever there’s a serious fight and you’re around. So he tries to get you out of the mess as quickly as he could.

When you two got closer, you eventually told him about your ex that didn’t exactly… treat you right. Satan listened to every word, his full attention focused on how hurt you sounded and he doesn’t push the topic any further than you’re comfortable with. 

He lets you share what you only want to share, and he won’t pry on the details on what your ex may have done. With or without your explanation, to him it’s quite obvious what exactly your ex made you go through. “You don’t have to say anything more… I heard you loud and clear.”

Despite being Wrath, he tries putting in more self-control because he doesn’t want to accidentally scare you off. You even have special permission to use your pact against Satan should his anger go too far. The last thing he wants is to make you feel afraid instead of loved. 

But that self-control is not extended if he finds any demon hurting you, not even his brother’s are spared from his wrath (but it’s not like they’d hurt you on purpose anyways). He’ll make a protective spell that makes any demon who wants to cause you harm feel like they’ve held the hottest hellfire the moment they touch you. 

Satan was tempted to just go find the bastard himself and make them feel all the pain they made you go through tenfold. He’s not Wrath for no reason. But he doesn’t want to do anything without your discretion, since you trusted him with this broken and vulnerable part of you, then he shouldn’t abuse that trust.

On the day that you both bump into your ex, his gentle facade that he keeps up in front of anyone is gone. Molded into a sour expression full of hate. You could practically feel his wrath burning through your pact. 

“Let’s go MC, this pest is not worth our time.” His words are full of venom as he holds your hand firmly to guide you away from your ex, aggressively bumping his shoulder against them with a force that would have knocked them over. All he wants is to get you out of this situation, fast. 

When the ex tries to grab you to force you to stay, Satan is already putting you behind him protectively with his hand gripping them by the wrist. He really wants to tear them to ribbons for that but the only reason he doesn’t is because you’re here. He doesn’t want you to see that part of him.

His fangs are practically bared, ready to bite as he growls “Unless you want to go to bed with the same number of fingers that you woke up with today… Don’t. Touch. Them.” The hate and anger in his eyes are burning as he stares down at your ex.  

His threats are as clear as his grip on your ex’s wrist starts to get uncomfortably tight, it may leave a bruise as he lets go and that mark hopefully reminds them of his warnings. You watch as your ex scrambles for their life while they still have it. 

Satan had to take in shaky breaths, wanting to calm down from the heights of his anger. He wished he had an outlet, he wanted to draw blood so badly but he can’t let his anger take him too far or you’d have to deal with the aftermath. You need to be taken care of right now, so he does that as soon as he’s collected himself.

“When I'm with you, my wrath… It feels like it finally has a purpose. I want to use all of it to protect you. I won’t spare a single soul that hurts you, my angel” Satan promised, placing a kiss on your head as he held you close to his chest. 

Satan spends the night letting you lie down on his lap as he reads you some romantic poetry, ones that could properly convey how much he loves and cherishes you through words. He would occasionally run his fingers through your hair as he reads through the pages, and he’ll keep doing this until you fall asleep by his side.  

Now that he’s seen what the ex looks like, expect him to ruin their life. He won’t torture them (unless you were open to that suggestion-), but he makes it part of his nightly routine to place a curse on your ex to make their life insufferable. After all, Satan has been looking for a lab rat to test the hexes he wanted to use on Lucifer, and it seems he finally has one at his disposal. 

Asmo  

Asmo is very touchy and one thing he loves is a lot of intimacy in all forms. That includes physical. He’s used to showing these by hugging his brothers, but it made him confused when he didn’t get the reaction he wanted when he hugged you from behind. 

He’s a master at reading social cues so he immediately knows that you’re not okay. Did he hug you too tightly? Are you hurt somewhere? Asmo would whine and press you for answers normally, but he doesn’t this time. 

Asmo tried to get some gossip, wondering if something’s been bothering you lately. He loves how mysterious you can be, but this is the first he’s ever felt this frustrated not knowing enough about you! Not even the brothers knew what was wrong!

Asmo basically caves in one night during his skincare routines with you when he finally asks the question. “Love… no matter how much you try to hide it, I can tell something’s wrong.” He says with a hush tone as he applies a soft toner on your skin, looking at you with puppy eyes.

Even when he’s incredibly narcissistic, Asmo can be incredibly perceptive out of the brothers. He knows something’s bothering you, but he was not prepared to hear the story at all. 

You told Asmo that your ex has been bothering you lately, trying to get in contact with you constantly no matter how many times you tell them no. You explained that your ex called you several names before in the past and has treated you… awfully. You had to endure so much until you escaped that relationship. 

Asmo is probably crying more than you are at this point, ruining the skincare he carefully applied on himself with his tears. “How could anyone just… treat you that way? Do people not realize how lucky they are to have you?” He says between sobs, asking you for permission first before he hugs you.

He’s toned down his tackle hugs so he’d scare you less and take things at your pace. Asmo is happy enough to take it slow if it means you’d feel more comfortable with him. 

Though he’s less forgiving if any demon would look at you the wrong way. Asmo wants everyone to see how you’re the most precious gem in his realm and nothing lower than that. If he hears one bad remark from someone at the club or in school, Asmo will definitely make them squirm under his heel for forgiveness. 

When you both run into your ex, Asmo eyes them up and down. You know that Asmo doesn’t like looking at things he finds disgusting, and he gives off that exact expression when his eyes linger for even a single second in your ex’s direction. The judgment is evident in Asmo’s eyes, he didn’t even need to speak a single word to make it known. 

“I must say darling, your tastes really had a glow up now that I’m looking at that thing. I mean after seeing me, you’d agree, wouldn't you?” He says with his usual playful tone despite being so passive aggressive, subtly trying to lead you away from the ex.  

When they try to get closer, Asmo quickly shoots them a glare. His golden eyes have this particular glow in them as he speaks in an enchanting voice “Would you be a lad and go back to where you came from? Trash like you should walk back to the nearest dumpster, don’t you think so?” 

The mischievous grin in his face rivals the Anti-Lucifer league on the chances their pranks are successful as Asmo watches your ex obey under the influence of his hypnotic charms and run off to who knows where. 

“Ugh, I hate hate HATE looking at unsightly things! Did you see how they look?!” Asmo would whine on the way back home, his words judging every single aspect of your ex from the way their hair is fixed to even the slightest speck of dirt on their nails. He’d complain all the way back home how your ex is the epitome of revolting imperfection compared to himself. 

“You have to make it up for me, love. My eyes need to be cleansed! we’re doing a little fashion show in my room so i can stare at your cute little face all day!” There didn’t seem to be any room to say no, but you agreed anyways after all that Asmo has done for you today. 

He’ll spend the entire night trying to show off your good sides, which is all of it. If he can spend an entire trip home downgrading and judging your ex to the bone, Asmo will happily spend the last few hours of the day telling you what makes you so perfect in his eyes. 

Beel

Beel would be lying if he says he doesn’t feel bothered about your ex. It’s not a matter of you dating someone before, but it’s more of why you’re not telling him anything  about your past. 

Beel wanted to know more about you so he decided to ask Asmo if he had any gossip about you and your life, but to his surprise Asmo didn’t know anything. At some point he asked Lucifer if he read anything about it in your profile, but the oldest born just shakes his head and tells him to ask you personally instead. 

It’s perfect timing because as soon as he leaves Lucifer’s office, he finds you in the hallway and runs up to finally ask you himself. “I just… wanted to know more about you MC, even if it’s about that. It’s still part of you.” He sounds like a child asking for more allowance money to buy some candy.

You both go into your room and you explain why you never bring this up. Your ex always made you feel insignificant during the last few months of your relationship. You’re always neglected, never the priority, and it took a lot of courage for you to leave. Even when you did, your ex made it seem like you’re the one at fault. 

Beel can never understand how anyone could make you feel so small like this… have you always felt this way? Beel is not going to allow that. He wants you to make you his priority. You’re the person that helped fix his family, there’s no way he’s going to let you look down on yourself. 

You suddenly can’t feel the floor beneath your feet and in the blink of an eye, Beel lifts you up in his hands without a sweat. He stares at you with a small hum before lifting you even higher. You look at him, confused about what he’s trying to do until he speaks. “You know that I look up to you, for everything you’ve done for us here. I’ll make sure that no one ever looks down on you again, MC.”

When he says he looks up at you and how he quite literally means it with how high up he’s carrying you, it makes you laugh a little at how silly Beel can be sometimes. Seeing you smile again is enough for him to set you down on your feet and cuddle you for the next hour. 

Congratulations because you just won your own personal guard dog. No matter where you go, there’s always going to be the orange haired cuddly giant behind you. You had to reassure him that you’re going to be fine on your own and hope things would go back to normal. But you learn that not even bribing him with food can get him off your back.

When you both bump into your ex, Beel is immediately towering over them. His freakish height and his muscles as he looks down at your ex is enough to make anyone feel small under his threatening gaze. “Leave.”

Beel is the only thing that’s in between you and your ex. Your ex tried to make Beel budge but he barely moved an inch. It was the equivalent of trying to push against a brick wall at this point, the effort was futile and it just made Beel angrier. 

“I was being nice when I said leave. But I won’t ask a second time.” You can hear the faint sounds of buzzing, knowing how much self-control it’s taking Beel right now to avoid summoning a swarm of flies and locusts. It would be troublesome if Beel lets loose and shows the world why he’s given the title as the Lord of the Flies.

You tell Beel that you want to go home, and he immediately listens to you. With a small nod, he escorts you back while still keeping his eye on your ex in case they do anything funny. It’s all thanks to Beel’s kind heart and his love for you that prevented any sort of bloodshed tonight. 

Beel would take a small detour back and buy you some of your favorite sweets to bring home so you both can share it together in your room. Though the treats never made it back and is nothing but an empty container before you can even see the house in view. Regardless you still had a nice night eating the treats with him on the way.

You noticed the few glances Beel has been sending your way and before you can ask what he’s looking at, he places a quick peck on your cheek “You always look the best when you smile” 

Your ex better pray that they don’t bump into Beel in the middle of the streets because the moment this lovable demon spots them, there’s going to be some impromptu target practice with your ex and the closest table Beel can grab his hands on. 

Belphie

Belphie may be spoiled, but he knows his boundaries when it comes to teasing you about your previous relationships. You told him you’re not ready to talk about it, and he backed off immediately. He may poke fun about a lot of things when it comes to you, but his aim is always to make you laugh and never to upset you. 

He eventually finds out the truth when you were sleeping in the living room one day and he finds you. Just as he was going to join you, your phone wouldn’t stop buzzing like crazy. Belphie was irritated, wondering if it was Mammon annoying you again. 

He never really meant to snoop on your phone, he simply just wanted to turn it on silent mode so you sleep peacefully. But then he saw the various texts from an unknown number trying to demand your attention and calling you names. 

Belphie was so tempted to give this person a piece of his mind, but you woke up and caught him reading the messages. He looks surprised, and that expression immediately turns to guilt as he puts away the phone “MC? I-i didn’t mean to, I swear! But… Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

You can clearly see how worried Belphie looks, so you talk about your previous relationship and how your ex is trying to contact you despite how many times you’ve blocked their number already. You don’t know what they want, but it’s clearly not good. You try to ignore it, but Belphie can see how much it’s bothering you. 

“MC… I never knew…” Belphie says looking down. He still looks guilty, but it’s about something else entirely. He regrets those times he lied to you back when he was still locked up in the attic. He hates himself for doing something so horrible, especially now after knowing what you’ve been through. 

“I… I don’t deserve you honestly but… I want you to be happy, and I want to be the person who puts a smile on your face. Thank you for giving me that chance…” He says, giving you a small hug while secretly grabbing your phone. 

Belphie secretly switches the number so that your ex would be bothering someone else. Maybe with Mammon’s instead so that poor soul would have an earful each time they try to text until they get the message that it’s not you they’re texting anymore. He would’ve done it himself but… he is quite lazy. His older brothers can handle it.

When you both bump into your ex, Belphie looks at them with bored eyes. “Ugh… it’s you” He says, pulling you further away from that person’s reach. “Listen, stop bothering MC… or I’ll make you regret it the next time your dimwit skull tries to send them another text.” His last words were hissed through grit teeth. He may not look so intimidating at first, but he’s not as kind as he may seem. 

The moment your ex tries to send you another message, Belphie already had a curse activated. Any time they try to go to bed, they’re never going to meet the sweet slumber they need. Nighttime is always spent restlessly moving around the bed, trying to get some shut eye. They’re already exhausted by daybreak, and the cycle goes on. 

For the times they do end up falling asleep after passing out of exhaustion, they’re met with awful nightmares orchestrated by Belphie himself. Terrors and apparitions, making your ex feel endless fear for scaring you the past few days with his messages. Belphie is enjoying himself in this shared dreamscape as he watches your ex writhe helplessly. Beel noticed his twin always smiling in his sleep, unaware of how much the youngest is having fun torturing your ex from hell and back.  

Belphie swore to never let your enemies rest as long as he’s around. He’ll see to it that his promise is fulfilled. For now, he’ll pamper you and give you the best dreams so you can feel refreshed and relaxed each day before he goes back to his daily visit in your ex’s dreamscapes to haunt him until this poor soul learned his lesson. 

[fitgothgirl]

Long post incoming, so coloring key points just to help even my own eyes.

I'm pretty high-functioning right now, but I feel so not okay under it all. I'm applying for jobs. I go to the gym. I grocery shop. I clean. But I feel awful.

Being unemployed is making me feel worse the longer it goes - especially with how little I'm even hearing back on all my applications. I just feel so inadequate as a person overall (sucks that capitalism instills such feelings). And I feel guilty for doing anything but applying for jobs, even if I've already applied to a bunch that day; I feel guilty for going to the gym or watching TV or doing anything fun.

I've been wanting to make this pivot to bartending, knowing I would need start as a barback or server and applying as such, but I'm getting so discouraged. The last few days I've gone back to searching/applying for healthcare admin jobs, including front desk which I used to do and swore I wouldn't do again. But if I was already resolved to not WFH for a while by bartending, and I'm not getting anywhere with that, then I may as well not WFH at a day job in something I have experience in. I'm keeping in mind that regardless of my next job, it's all temporary until I get my CPC certification, so there's a light at the end of the (relatively short) tunnel if I end up in something I'm not thrilled with. But I'm now starting to feel silly for thinking about bartending; did I really do the hyperfocus thing again and get too excited over a prospect that I'm not quite capable of yet only for it to leave me wondering what I was thinking afterwards? I was trying to be aware at the time and asking myself if that was what was happening, but I didn't think it was. I honestly have always been interested in bartending, but now this Cointreau and vermouth and bitters and stuff is on our bar counter and I look at it and I just kinda feel like an idiot.

I had been drinking too often as it was before I lost my job but when I got fired it got a lot worse - no days without alcohol for over a month, probably getting drunk close to half the time - and now my stomach has had a sort of sudden change and I'm having problems I've never had before and it's making me nervous; it scared me into suddenly not drinking for 2 days, followed by a day with 1 drink, followed by two more no-alcohol days. Last night I did have a few though, but they kinda just made me feel shitty and I'm motivated to not drink again today. But it's also scary because I don't have fucking health insurance right now until Medi-Cal (Medicaid) approves me, which could still be a couple more weeks (i.e. a total of 6 weeks since I applied). Just gotta do what I can on my own for now. I often overreact about my health though, so fingers crossed this is just that.

It's not lost on me that I'm seeking out bartending yet obviously have periods where I can't seem to control my alcohol. I can't imagine drinking while working a job like that though (plus it's illegal for bartenders to drink on the clock anyway). If it's anything like barista-ing, which I know it is but even crazier/harder, I'd want to be as clear-headed and locked in as possible lol. But I'm not going to sit here and act like it would be an ideal job for someone trying to control their drinking with just being in that environment so often and having the thought it in one's head so much. So idk maybe it's best I just give up on it. I even still wanted to do it parttime on nights/weekends when I got my CPC cert/got a day job (as I was wanting to do before I lost my job), but maybe I shouldn't. But a big reason for bartending was also the good money they can make and I want that to get out of debt. Ugh idkkkkkkk. I guess I could just do serving... If someone would hire me, that is. But ugh all these thoughts are making me feel so mixed up and lost!!

And separate from all this work stuff is the fact that I've been wanting to talk to my bf about some stuff but can't bring myself to do it. The conflict avoidance in me is so strong... And it isn't even necessarily a "conflict," but my brain interprets it as such. It's so hard for me because any time there's been a Talk™️ in my life, it ends up a conflict, and I end up wrong. I end up crying and/or apologizing and/or fawning. Like, I'm not just getting this anxiety out of nowhere, I feel like I've really been taught through life experience that I'm just wrong all the time. Developed by my dad growing up, then my ex did his absolute best to compound & reinforce it. I know I need to "do it scared, do it with your voice shaking, do it with your hands trembling, but do it," or whatever that saying is, because until then I'm being a bad partner by not communicating. It doesn't help that we gel so well that we never fight or get heated because we both feel like so few things are worth getting upset over, so I don't actually have a lot of practice in this area, which is both a good thing and a bad thing obviously. But this is all dumb because I'm not even upset!! This isn't a talk like that!! I want to talk to him because I love him and I want to be open with him about my needs and I want to strengthen our relationship and I want him to be happy & healthy in his own right. I would want him to express his needs or hold me accountable, how can I not do the same for him? Why am I so focused on worst case scenario? Why am I so convinced this will be a negative conversation?? (Oh yeah all that aforementioned past experience stuff lolz. But I need to get over it...)

I just. My heart hurts a lot of the time. I keep ripping up my cuticles. I can't seem to stem the negative self-talk. I miss my therapist but can't get myself to reach out, but I'm also wondering what more she can do for me at this point (which is maybe why she hasn't reached out either?). Little things make me feel inordinately bad about myself, like the hummingbird feeder has been empty for a while, or my plants need watering, or even the fact that I haven't started decorating for Halloween yet, etc. I also feel like I should be doing all of the house chores that come up rather than half, which I don't think is wrong with being unemployed and my bf covering bills, but whenever I do clean it just weighs the reminder on me that I'm jobless and "inadequate." I want to cook for him too but idk why I get so nervous about that; he's a great cook, and when I cook for myself it's good, but imagining cooking for him makes me feel like it's going to be inedible shit for some reason lol...

I don't really know how to end this but I guess I'm done writing for now so... End 🙃

[scarletwritesshit]

🚂 Stelle x Moze 🚂 Another "Stellar" Visitor

"I heard that you have a new guest to introduce to the Astral Express today~" March said.

Stelle nodded her head, unable to hold back her smile.

"I don’t know about this," Dan Heng said, "the visitors you have invited haven’t exactly been...stellar."

"Whatever do you mean? I’ve gotten some great guests to come aboard the Astral Express!" Stelle said, smugly.

"Luocha," Dan Heng said quickly. "In a matter of system days after we invited him, he got thrown straight into jail."

Welt Yang winced at the word "Luocha" being uttered from Dan Heng’s mouth. It would seem as if he didn’t exactly have a stellar opinion about the long-haired blond himself.

"So what, that was just one weirdo out of many," Stelle said, shrugging, "plenty others that you all have invited are weirdos themselves.”

"Like that flamboyant homosexual Argenti," Dan Heng said, rolling his eyes. "I could’ve sworn March was about to drop to her knees for him"

"Excuse me, mister!" March said, stomping her foot.

"Relax guys. He shouldn’t cause any problems since he tends to keep to himself and hardly says a word.”

"Have you forgotten what happened in Penacony?" Dan Heng asked. "Misha and Gallagher are partially responsible for that nonsense and they haven’t spoken a single word to us in a long time."

"They’re dead, Dan Heng." Himeko interjected.

"He’s not dead, not a walking drag queen, and not in jail. I think we’ll be just fine,” Stelle said.

"I feel awfully uneasy about this," Dan Heng said.

"Don’t be. Right, Moze?"

A man in a purple cloak seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. He stood deathly still by Stelle, his living body distinguished from a cold statue only by the softness of the fabric. His body moved not an inch as his eyes scanned the inside of the Astral Express and its passengers.

"Stelle,” Dan Heng said.

“Yeeees?” Stelle replied, with an “innocent” grin on her face.

“With all due respect, why the hell did you bring an assassin on board?"

Welt spat out the tea that he was drinking, further staining the rugs of the train car that are silently yearning for a deep cleaning.

"An assassin? He’s already killing me with those kinda pretty but otherwise scary eyes! Don’t tell me im going to be butchered in my sleep!" March said, panicking.

"Better you get used to him sooner than later. He’s gonna become a rather frequent visitor to the Express," Stelle said, with a proud smile.

"...Frequent visitor? Is there someone lurking that you want gone that badly?" March said.

Stelle shook her head. "Nope. He’s just… a really good friend of mine. Isn’t that right?~"

Moze nodded his head in support of Stelle’s claim.

"Good friend?" March asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Absolutely," Stelle said.

"You sure about that? He’s standing awfully close to you. And he hasn’t slit your throat open yet."

"If he were to strike, I’d let him cut my throat anyways."

"Not here," Moze said, "this car is far too unclean as it is."

"So he does know how to speak!" March said in awe.

"March, are you going to completely disregard how nonchalantly he spoke about slitting Stelle’s throat?" Dan Heng said.

"Well, no, but let’s be real here, we've honestly heard far crazier things."

"See? He’s one of the more normal guys I could’ve went for. Relatively." Stelle said.

Moze appeared to take a slight bit of offense at Stelle’s words, but once again, he refused to budge.

"...Went for?” March asked, “Don’t tell me you two are- "

"Stelle," Dan Heng said, frankly, "just make it easier on us to admit you’re sleeping with Moze."

Welt Yang once again spat out his tea.

"Woah there, I’m not sleeping with him! Yet."

"We became acquainted some time ago, yet things have not progressed to such a point," Moze said. "And I would appreciate it if you did not jump to such conclusions so swiftly."

"What is Stelle doing sleeping with a Shadow Guard, let alone bringing one aboard the Express?" Welt said, standing up.

"...How do you know about the Yaoqing Shadow Guards?" Dan Heng asked, concerned.

"What little knowledge I do have of them, I came across while I was tracking the whereabouts of Void Arc-I mean Luocha. And I know enough about them to say that he should not be aboard the Express."

"Playing devil’s advocate here, but isn’t Xianzhou allied with the Express? He should be fine," Himeko said.

"I have no reason to strike against the crew," Moze said.

"You have no reason to right now, but if we tick you off…" March said, walking up into his face and feigning bravery to stare directly into his eyes.

"Then Jing Yuan will raise hell against Yaoqing and probably cause a civil war, which I am sure none of the involved parties want," Dan Heng said. "But that still doesn’t mean we should let our guard down around him, though someone here has clearly disregarded the simple concept of common sense.”

"Right?" Stelle said. "Can’t believe March just walked up to his face like that."

"H-Hey! At least I’m not screwing the guy!" she protested.

"Putting all of that aside for now," Himeko interjected, "Moze is welcome aboard the express...as long as those two keep the noise down and the knives off of our throats. But, I do believe we have had far less reputable guests aboard.”

"Tell me about it," Dan Heng said.

"I have no idea what you’re talking about, Himeko," Stelle said.

"Sure you don’t. Why not give our new guest a tour of the Express for the time being?" Himeko suggested,

"And keep him away from my books! March shouted.

Stelle nodded her head and grabbed Moze’s arm, dragging him out of the parlor car. When the door behind them shut, Moze sighed a bit louder than expected of him, and Stelle curiously looked at him.

"Your crew is most strange," he said.

"You’ll fit right in Moze," Stelle said.

"They currently appear to be very wary of my presence."

"Well, we’ve been through some...things, so it would be stranger if they weren’t. Give it some time. I bet you and Dan Heng will become good friends, exchanging a maximum of two words a system month."

"I am not here for friendship. I am here solely for your companionship."

"Gonna have to get used to it," Stelle said, playfully nudging his side.

Moze crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. Stelle wasted no more time leading him to the outside of her room, opening the door and inviting him to come sit.

"Take your hood off and relax," Stelle said, "bed’s all yours."

"And disarm myself in such questionable territory?"

"I didn’t say you have to do that. Just shed some layers if it makes you more comfortable. Nothing can get to you in the express."

"It does feel strangely secure," Moze said, sitting down on her bed and fidgeting with one of his blades.

Stelle fell backwards and laid on the bed beside him.

"...Now what?" he asked.

"We don’t have to do anything," she said. "We can just hang out away from those weirdos for a little while.

A small smile appeared on Moze’s face.

"...That sounds agreeable."

[stormandforge]

Raw reactions to X-Force #4

You wanted an action-packed X-comic? Here you go.

SPOILERS after the fold.

Now you see why the slow set-up was necessary? YOU SEE? Premise, characters and and relationships established, aaaaand we're off.

I'll be honest: up until now I thought Thorne was blowing his own trumpet when he said things would only get crazier, but now I believe him. We get: our usual fracture set-up, 2 Earth locations, Otherworld, Nuklo, Man-Thing, inter-dimensional shit, a legendary temple and weirdo Avengers. And it all flows and never feels clunky. Very nice.

Magic vs science (or magic x science) continues to be a thing, and I continue to be here for it. I'm a Forge fan, it comes with the territory.

Betsy calling Forge out on his bullshit, Sage trying to calm her down, Forge standing his ground - let the drama commence. I'm really loving the team dynamic.

What's Forge hiding in that terrifying brain of his? Do we even want to know? I'm now 90% sure he's causing/has caused the fractures, perhaps by upgrading himself or creating the Analog, but does he know? I sincerely hope not. At the same time my boy has a history of not dealing very well with the consequences of his own actions...

The looser Forge's ponytail is, the pervier my brain gets. This is a warning. If he doesn't take a second to sort out his *fucking magnificent* hair in the next issue, this blog will become NSFW.

Ok, I'm glad teleporting is finally mentioned, because I've been wondering. I get that Forge's power isn't to "think of everything" (see issue 1), but bringing a teleporter to a fast-paced planetary mission is just common sense. And that he should make one that fits onto the jet is also obvious, especially since it's a problem to solve, which is kind of his thing. And if for any reason he's forgotten common sense, he's got Sage, who's got enough common sense for all of us. So...yeah, plot hole. But it's all good - you gotta use Betsy and her cool sword.

I love the way Surge's comparative youth is presented. She's experienced enough to pull her weight, but she still has the fire of youth, and the ability to see the obvious when the adults have disappeared up their own asses. "Hey, guys! You might want to stop chatting and look at THAT OBVIOUS SCARY THING OVER THERE."

Drinking game for when the trade comes out: take a shot every time Sage says "processing".

Who's this "she" the psi-girls are talking about? I might have just missed something on that one. Either way, "she" sounds scary and fun, I hope she shows up.

ORORO??? I didn't expect her until issue 6 😍

That ain't really Ororo though, is it? These Avengers look like they just stepped out of a parallel world, and in any case she's currently in Atlanta coughing up blood and feeding hippos.

LOL, entire team fails at taking down Nuklo, Ororo takes him down with one lightning bolt. That's a bit embarrassing, guys.

Dishevelled Forge whispering "Ororo?" in utter shock is my new sexual orientation.

So, we're meant to get a character death next issue, if we believe the marketing. I expected this issue to lay the groundwork for this, but nope, it'll be a complete surprise. Let's see what happens! (My money was on Sage for the longest time, but now I'm not sure anymore. Could be anyone.)

Either way: I'm getting Forge and some version of Storm in the same comic next month, and I'm already freaking out. I hope my little shippy heart can take it. ❤️

[killiansprincss]

TIMELESS - A NEW CAPTAIN SWAN FIC 5/19

Summary: Season 3 divergence - When Zelenas time portal works, Henry wakes up alone in Storybrooke and must travel to the Enchanted Forest to get his family back. Only once he gets there he quickly realises its not like the one in his book, theres no Evil Queen and his mother Emma wasn't put through a wardrobe, theres even a poster inviting the entire kingdom to her engagement ball, to Hook. What will happen once Henry gets them to break this new curse and they get their memories back?

In which every chapter is based on a Taylor Swift song

Previous Chapters | AO3

CHAPTER 5 - THE BEST DAY

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall

But I know you're not scared of anything at all

Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away

But I know I had the best day with you today

Henry. Storybrooke. Home. Zelena. Time Portal. Enchanted Forest.

Emma felt as though she had just woken up from the craziest dream, which in a sense, she had. “Wh-What happened?” She wraps her arms around her son and kisses his head, how did he end up here all alone?

“I’m not exactly sure. I woke up at the hospital and everyone was gone. I think Zelena’s time portal worked.” Henry explains

Emma nods her head at her son, trying to make sense of this situation. “It definitely worked. I grew up here and there’s no talk of a Dark Curse or an Evil Queen.”

Too many lives now existed within her head, the one where she grew up an orphan and then gave Henry away, and then a fake life where she and Henry made it on their own and now this time altering life where she grew up happy and a princess. Emma looks over at her brother, who in her original timeline had only just been born. “You were a baby.” She mumbles to herself. “This must be pretty crazy for you right now.”

Leo just shrugs, “I’ve learnt to expect the unexpected in this family. When a 14 year old boy that looks like you and knows way too much about our family and says he’s your son, I realised crazier things have happened.”

Her baby brother. When her parents told her she was having a baby brother she hated the idea. But then when he was born she adored him, she loved watching him grow up, she remembers watching him walk for the first time and the first words he spoke. She was a teenager exploring herself and navigating the life of a royal but when her baby brother toddled into her room when she was having lessons she couldn’t help the smile on her face. He began to irritate her as he got into childhood with his grabby hands on her dress and coming into her room uninvited and unannounced. But the past few years now he had grown into his teens he’d become her friend, she was there for him when he fell off his horse and they would talk for hours after the balls about how boring they were or how a certain duke or prince would fall over themselves to talk to her. He was real. Her little brother was real to her and the fact a life existed without him was strange.

“We need a plan. I’m assuming I’m the only person, aside from maybe Rumple and Zelena, who isn’t cursed. How do we un-curse everybody?” Emma asks in hope that Henry already had a full plan in action.

Biting his lip and avoiding his mother’s eye contact Henry tells her, “Well I thought you giving me True Love's Kiss again might work, but maybe we need something else. I thought we could go on an adventure just the two of us like old times. Find out more and see if we can find Zelena maybe. Tell her that we’re here to stop her.”

Emma’s heart soars, she realises how scary it must have been for Henry waking up all alone. “There is nothing I’d love more Henry, but in this life I’m the Princess not the Sheriff or the Saviour so I can’t just run off with you at the drop of a hat without raising suspicion.”

“I’ll cover for you.” Leo offers. “I’m used to covering for you. I’ll tell them you had an urgent wedding matter or something.”

Wedding. To Killian-Hook. Fuck.

“Yeah Mom, I was wondering about that.” Henry says with a huge smirk across his face. “In our timeline she pretends to hate him even though she enjoys his constant flirting-nice to see he wore her down here.” He says to Leo who looks happy and ready to converse about his sister's love life.

When he was awake she was going to murder him. There was no way the two of them meeting was accidental, of all the women to meet in a tavern, of all the balls to crash it was hers. She found it very hard to believe he gave up everything that easily, just a promise of her hand in marriage. He had to have been working with Zelena.

_____

Henry and Emma leave in a carriage just before day break, apparently Leo caught one of the guards in an uncompromising position and owed him a favour. The guard was more than happy to drive them north In the middle of the night no questions asked.

“The last anyone heard of the Dark One was when I was very young. Nobody has heard from him in a decade, apparently he was training an apprentice in the wastelands to the north was the last place anyone had heard from him. Considering that was years ago, I think it’s best to assume it’s Zelena.” Emma explains as they ride out of the gates of the castle.

“So we get as far north as we can, see if anyone knows anything or has heard anything.” Henry offers, “Grandpa will have strong magic that will block the entrance to wherever he and Zelena are hiding, like in Harry Potter where Muggles can’t see Hogwarts.”

Emma cringes at the grandpa's comment, her mind wants to erase her family’s complicated family tree. But, if a part of Gold still remembered who he was-well she would never use him as leverage-but the dark one would be more inclined to help or believe them. “We can’t go in the northern wastelands Henry, they’re wastelands.”

“Any chance you have a map of this place?” Henry asks and Emma laughs until she realises he’s serious.

“I’ve read stories about this place and now I get to experience it. I want to know everything about this place.” From the gleam in his eye, you’d think he was a kid at Disney World.

“I can’t believe you want a history lesson right now.” She smiles, she missed him, she didn’t realise how much she had missed him until now. How many times she would see something or overhear a story and know in the back of her mind there was someone who would appreciate it, even if she didn’t know who.

“I’ve listened to stories about this place for years, I’ve read every inch of that Storybook and now I’m here. I want to know everything.”

Emma ruffles her son's hair as she gives a brief history lesson. “There are 8 kingdoms, Misthaven which is our kingdom being the largest. There were 10 kingdoms a few hundred years ago but now they’re called the Wastelands as they abused their magic and they fall to the North of Misthaven, which is where Rumples castle is likely to be located.” She gives him a brief overview of the differences between the kingdoms and who their monarchs are until Henry eventually doses off.

Listing the features of the place she considered home jut confused her more.

She was Emma Swan. The saviour.

But she was also

Emma of Misthaven. A Princess .

Who was also due to be married to Captain Hook in a few short weeks. After they had been together, secretly and then not so secretly for almost 6 years.

She has no idea what Ki-Hook, did or said to Zelena as how else does she explain almost marrying him?

Before they were unwillingly dragged into her time portal, things with Hook were strange. They’d kissed in Neverland and Emma had wanted to do that again. As much as she hated to admit it, he understood her, when they were in Neverland she felt as though nobody knew how she felt but him and that scared her. He came back to save her in New York, he risked it all to save her when she didn’t even have her memories, nobody had ever gone to the lengths for her that he did. She was afraid, thats what it boiled down to. In this life she didn’t need to be afraid, her parents didn’t abandon her and her ex boyfriend didn’t leave her.

It suddenly makes sense though, why they felt drawn to one another. Though she was sure they had never met before, something in her gut told her she knew him.

He clearly knew her. Why else would Captain Hook be interested in a random princess he met in a tavern after escaping her dungeon? No way would the most fearsome pirate in all the land give up piracy for a woman?

Not that she cared. Those were false memories. She was cursed.

But then again, if Leo was real. And the love she felt and had with her parents was real.

No. She wouldn’t allow herself to think of his blue eyes and dark hair. Her hands roaming his chest under all that leather. How the taste of his lips feel. The way he makes her moan when he does that thing with his mouth.

She falls asleep thinking about his proposal. When he mentioned running away together and Emma leaving the kingdom she thought he was crazy. She couldn’t imagine actually running away and leaving everything behind. But she loved him. And love makes you do crazy things. So after a few days of going over and over in her head, she went back and told him she did want to run away with him, leave Misthaven. Show her parents that this was what she wanted, not to be a Queen married to someone she barely knows let alone loves, always having to hold her tongue, not allowed to have any real opinions if they don’t benefit the kingdom.

He got down on one knee that night on the deck of the Jolly Roger and asked her to marry him. It was a proposal and a promise. He proposed using his brother's ring, the one who died in Neverland. Emma didn’t understand the severity of what happened to his brother until now. She would listen to stories of Neverland and what an awful place it was, but Emma now knew just how horrible it was.

_______

Henry wakes up to the sounds of swords clashing outside his window. What was happening?

No. Not his window. The carriage window.

He opens his eyes and focuses on what’s going on outside the carriage window.

The guard who was driving them north was fighting with a man who had the hood of his cloak up so nobody could see his face and he had a quiver of arrows on his back and a sword with no sheath, indicating the arrows were his usual weapon and the sword was stolen.

Emma finally opens the door and kicks the hooded man to the ground. “Please. We have no money and no jewels. I’m just a mother who is travelling with her son.”

Their carriage driver runs off into the trees as the hooded man stands up and they get a look at his face.

“My apologies. I thought this was a royal carriage.” He extends his hand to Emma and she notices a lion tattoo on his arm. “The names Robin.”

“Robin Hood?” Henry asks, despite being cursed he remembers him, and the things he caught him doing with Regina.

Robin nods. “Robin of Sherwood, or some know me by Robin Hood yes. My apologies again.”

“Why were you trying to rob a royal carriage?” Emma asks, careful not to be too trusting considering she had no clue what role Robin played in this realm.

“I target royal carriages as they carry excessive jewels and money they don’t need. There are people in these villages who need their money and jewels far more than they do. My wife and I can barely afford to feed ourselves, but there are some families with young children and no money to buy clothes or toys.”

“Steal from the rich and give to the poor.” Henry whispers. Turns out Robin Hood from this reality was pretty similar to the one they met in Storybrooke.

“May I ask, if you’re not royal what are you doing? As I’ve robbed my fair share of royal carriages and yours is very similar.”

“My son and I have been sent by our Kingdom to seek out information on the Dark One. Or even better if someone knows anything about a witch named Zelena.” The whole reason for their mission was to find out if anyone knew something and who knows what Robin may know.

The mention of The Dark One makes anyone look uneasy, but at the mention of Zelena’s name he went deathly pale. “If you come with me, I know someone who may know exactly what you’re looking for.”

Emma and Henry look at one another relieved, they were getting somewhere. “Thank you.”

They follow Robin for a couple miles to his home. It’s pretty small, and in a large village of similar sized houses. It’s a shock for Henry, who was used to much grander houses in Storybrooke with running water and electricity. To Emma, it's not much of a shock considering she grew up in a house not too dissimilar to this in this reality for the first 9 years of her life.

“Are you there my love?” Robin calls out as they walk through the door.

“In the kitchen.” A woman’s voice calls back. A familiar voice.

They follow Robin into the only other room in the small hut to find a tall slim woman with dark hair with her back to them. Only Henry would recognise her anywhere.

“Regina my love.” Robin kisses her cheek softly. “I brought guests.”

Regina smiles sweetly. Which was scary. Emma had never seen the woman so humane. She squeezes Henry’s hand whose heart must be beating a million beats a minute. “Welcome, it’s always nice to have guests. What are your names?

“Thank you for inviting us Robin, you have a lovely home.” Panic mode, Emma hadn’t thought about names-they’d have to use aliases but what?

“My name is Harry, and this is my mother Leia.” Henry offers. Really kid-Harry Potter and Star Wars?

Henry gives her a look as if to say ‘what would you have said?’

“They have questions about the Dark One. And specifically his involvement with your sister.” Robin tells Regina.

Regina just nods. “Well you better sit down for dinner then.”

So she knew Zelena was her sister in this reality. Was Regina the one who was given up then?

Emma and Henry sit down and are served an Enchanted Forest delicacy that Henry hadn’t had the luck of trying yet. Lucky him. It’s not exactly roast beef or hamburgers from Grannys. ‘Lamb’ stew with vegetables and potatoes. Except Emma isn’t too sure it is lamb, but she had grown accustomed to the taste and the texture. They had been driving all day and were starving though so they had no choice.

Henry looks disgusted but tries his best to eat it. Especially as his other mother served it to him unknowing of her relationship to him. It didn’t feel right, seeing his mother look at him but not see him. But Henry couldn’t risk anything but seeing if she remembers any part of him at all. She was the only link to Zelena, and if Henry started talking nonsense about being her son she would kick them out.

“So what is it that my sister has done to you?” Regina asks as she sits at the table next to Robin, who was her husband in this reality. Not surprising in all honesty, even in her cursed state he could see something was going on with Robin.

“She cursed the people in our kingdom to forget who they are. We fear she has something larger at bay with the help of the Dark One.” Emma tells her as she tucks into the stew.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I have heard rumours of the things she has done to people, but hearing it first hand is heartbreaking.”

“We didn’t know she had a sister.” Emma mentions, hoping to hear more about this reality and why Regina isn’t a raging murderous bitch.

“Not many know that she has a sister, and I can’t imagine she ever mentions me.” Regina says, and it’s freaking Emma out how kind and nice she’s being. She’s far from the Evil Queen in this reality. “My mother, Cora, she found herschelf unmarried and pregnant was taken pity on by a Princess from a northern kingdom, and sent her to my grandfather's kingdom in the west. She was able to work and gave birth to Zelena whilst being able to look after her at the same time. She met my father, the Prince of that kingdom and he fell in love with her, he would always make excuses to need his sheets washed just to see her for a few moments a day.” The way Regina talks about her mother is very different, almost fondly. “Anyway, my grandfather eventually found out about their affair and told her she could never marry his son, that’s when she told him she was able to spin straw into gold.”

Emma had a feeling where this story was going.

“That’s when she met The Dark One. He taught her everything and my parents were able to marry. I was born just over a year later. Zelena and I were so close growing up but when we were of age, the Dark One, he began to teach us magic. My sister was gifted and the prodigy my mother hoped she’d be. It took me longer to even conjure a fireball, so his attention quickly began to focus on my sister. After a few years of being left on the sideline, I ran away. Sick of magic, I didn’t need it and it was awful-my mother used magic on me as punishment when I was growing up, and I’d seen the awful things it had done-I didn’t want to be that person. After a while of hiding out in the woods I met Robin, and the rest is well, history.”

She seemed happier. And not just because of Robin. Regina didn’t have magic in this life, and she’d never become the Evil Queen. She’d found Robin and started a life with him, away from magic and away with any evil. Was it cruel to eventually wake her up from this?

“Do you know where she currently is?” Emma asks.

Regina shakes her head. “I pride myself on not knowing her whereabouts but I imagine it’s somewhere in the northern mountains.”

“Have you tried a True Love's Kiss?” Emma raises her eyebrow at Robin before he explains, “I’m not sure what sort of memory curse your kingdom is under, but I’ve heard that True Love's Kiss can break any curse.”

That’s right. True Love’s Kiss. Her parents were never under a sleeping curse in this reality. They never had to fight for their love. “You might be onto something. But I believe it’s the King and Queen your sister is targeting with her curse, and I can only assume they’ve kissed, how can we get them to break the curse?”

“Sleeping curse.” Henry mutters. “They would have to be under a sleeping curse, correct?”

Regina nods. “You're a very bright boy Harry. It sounds like to give your kingdom their memories back, you need a sleeping curse.”

“That requires magic though. And nobody in our kingdom possesses such a kind.” As a result of not being the saviour in this reality, it also meant Emma had no magic. “Regina, is there any way you could maybe lend us some? If you had it in the past, I’m sure you could find a way to-“

“With all due respect, why would I help you?” Regina days cutting her off. That’s more like the Regina they know. “I’m sorry about your kingdom, but I haven’t touched magic in a long time and I don’t want to tap back into that darkness for two people I just met. I think you should leave.”

Knowing not to argue with her, Emma politely agrees and lets Robin show them the way out.

“Before you go.” Robin whispers. “My wife doesn’t have magic, but she does know more about where the Dark One resides. He has a castle up in the northern mountains, it borders the wastelands, it’s about three days from here. Good luck with your mission.”

Three days? They were running on a limited time schedule as it was. Three days there, and then the journey back?

“Got any bright ideas kid? Other than screaming Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times?” She asks as a joke, except Henry’s eyes light up. “No. No. We are not doing that.”

“How else do you expect us to get information? We have to summon him.” Henry had met Mr. Gold, the pawnshop owner of Storybrooke who also happened to be his grandfather. Though Emma herself hadn’t met the Dark One in this reality, she had heard stories of the things he did to people and his ways of torturing. Hell she had learnt through Hook what he did to his ex wife. She didn’t know how it was going to turn out, she had to keep Henry safe.

“How do we even get him? We don’t exactly have his dagger? Dark one I summon thee? Would that even work?”

Mother and son hear a giggle behind them and look at one another before slowly turning their heads behind them to see Rumplestilskin. In all his crocodile skin glory.

“Dark One.” Emma breathes, a mixture of fear and amazement in her voice.

“The very one dearie.” He grins playfully. “What can I do for you, witch?”

Emma debates in her head what to say, how do you say you want a sleeping curse? And no way he'd give it to them.

“We need magic to save our kingdom.” Henry pipes up, eagerness getting the better of him.

“What does a Princess need with magic?” The Dark One asks, causing Emma to raise her eyebrow at him. “Oh yes I know who you are, Princess Emma of Misthaven. But I don’t know you.” He wiggles his finger at Henry, this version was a lot more theatrical than the one they knew in storybrooke.

Henry looks at his grandfather, with his scaly skin and his cane nowhere in sight. This wasn’t his grandfather, this was The Dark One who made deals and tortured people. His breath hitches he can barely speak, “I’m nobody. Just someone who needs magic to help bring my family back.”

“People in my kingdom have been cursed and they have lost their memories. I need magic to help bring their memories back.” Emma explains, hoping somewhere deep inside that Rumplestiltskin isn't the victim of this curse too.

Rumple prowls around the two, as if sizing them up or as if he was trying to read their minds. “And what manner of magic are we talking about here? You seem very confident that magic will solve this little problem. And why come to me at all? I’m sure Misthaven has someone who could give you a potion or an elixir.”

Struggling to keep her eyes on the Dark One as he keeps moving around, Emma decides on her lie. “My kingdom is scared of magic, most of them don’t trust it which is why it was easy for a witch to take their memories. I studied magic in secret, I don’t have any physical powers but I learnt the study of sorcery and magic from books in my library. I know that any curse can be broken with True Love’s Kiss, which is why I need a sleeping curse so that the curse can be broken. I’ve heard rumours you dabble with sleeping curses.”

Rumple fixates on Emma for a second, almost expecting her to break, but she remains strong. “And you have a victim in mind for this sleeping curse?”

Emma nods. “Yes. They may not have had any magic confirmation but I believe they are the epitome of True Love and a kiss will break the curse and bring back their memories.”

“And why aren’t you still a victim to this curse?”

Shit. She hadn’t thought about that. “I honestly cannot tell you for sure why. But I believe I regained my memories for a reason, I think it’s my fate to save my kingdom.” While she wasn’t the saviour in this realm, she was still the saviour of Storybrooke and she had to bring them home.

Emma isn’t sure if it’s a smile, a grin or a smirk that crosses his face when she mentions saving her kingdom, but Rumple was willing to help. “Very well dearie.” And with a wave of his hand an Apple suddenly appears in Emma’s hand.

“An Apple?” Emma’s eyebrows raise at Rumple, he had to know, even if he wasn’t showing it. This is too much of a coincidence.

“Most common form of a sleeping curse, other than a spinning needle. Just give this to your unsuspecting victim and they will fall into a deep slumber until their true love wakes them up.” There was a gleam in his eyes that made Emma think he knew, he must know.

“Thank you.” She says before he disappears in the blink of an eye.

“He knows.” Henry states as Emma just stands there going over what just happened.

“You think?” Emma couldn’t be sure, there were too many coincidences, but then again what was his plan if he was helping Zelena?

“He willingly gave us an apple for a sleeping curse with almost no questions asked. I think grandpa is still in there.” Henry was positive, he had to be. He’d made it to the Enchanted Forest by himself to save his family, and now he has to believe his grandpa knew who he was and that was why he was willing to help.

___

“So what is the plan now that we have the apple?” Henry asks his mother once they’re back in their carriage on the way back to the kingdom. Henry was on top of it, he always needed a plan.

“Well, I’m getting Gregory to drop you off just before the gates so we don’t raise suspicions and Leo will meet you in the stables, he’ll disguise you as one of his servants and then we can figure out how to get her to eat the apple.”

“Grandpa needs to be away!” Henry blurts out as if a lightbulb just went off in his head. “In the original timeline, Gramps had to find her before he could wake her up. What if that needs to happen again this time?”

“You’re right.” Emma says as she opens up the storybook to the right page, seeing the quest her father went on before-trapped by Regina and then slaying Maleficent. “Well we don’t have an evil queen to trap him, but he does have a trip coming up. We can poison Snow send word to dad, that way he’s going on a journey to come and save her. We can call it Operation Scorpion?

Henry just laughs at his mother’s suggestion.

“No? Okay how about Operation Python?” She suggests, smiling at Henry’s unenthusiastic face.

[siriannatan]

Prep & Punk - Treebark

AU by @vyeoh, it’s really cool and stuff and all their art is really good

AO3

Not too bad for never really writing much about either Ren or Martyn...

[FlowerHusbands thingy from this AU]

______________

Martyn did not want to go where he going, he wasn't sure why had to be there. Since when was wearing a skirt - long way under his knees - breaking the dress code? Since when do they even have a dress code in this place? But apparently, they did - even if only in that one teacher's head - and Martyn was on his way to the detention.

Why couldn't the school just call his parents? They saw his skirt (pale pink, pleated) and had nothing against him going out in it. His mother even said she was proud her son inherited her good looks with his father nodding in agreement from behind his business newspaper. They'd just ask where they can see this 'dress code' and the topic would be done.

Not today. And skipping detention would actually get Martyn in trouble back at home. At least Scott didn't laugh before he himself was free to go to the mall and live his life as Martyn wasted the whole two hours (why so many? he lamented internally) doing his homework. His physics homework was about vectors with no internet to go to with his questions. Magnificent. Hopefully, he'd be the only one there.

He was not. In the time it took Martyn to drag himself from the English classroom to the detention room - just a basic classroom that was not used for anything else at the time - one other student made it there. A rough-looking upperclassman Martyn only heard of, Ren if memory served him correctly. He's heard a multitude of stories about him one crazier than the five before it together. But maybe some of them were true. He was reading some papers as Martyn walked in and the hand he was holding them in was bandaged. There was some talk in the corridors about some seniors getting into a fight. Was Ren one of them?

"No teacher?" Martyn asked before he could stop himself as he was about to put his phone on the desk.

"She's got classes. Someone's supposed to check up on us," Ren said. He did not sound as gruff as the stories would suggest.

Or he was just not in the mood to get himself into any more trouble. Not feeling like testing if the stories were true Martyn just nodded and took a seat as far from Ren as he could. To not disturb his reading, he'd say if asked and started working on his vectors homework. Or more like slugging through. Martyn was smart but this stuff was making no sense to him. Ren was silent other than shifting of pages.

About half an hour into the detention a teacher (the teacher) came in. "What are you two sitting so far for? To the front," she said and left after barely glancing at them.

Martyn sighed to himself. He got comfy in his corner of the classroom and had his books out. And... suddenly Ren was right next to him, picking up a pen that rolled off the desk. "I hope I'm not being rude here but would it be rude if I offered some assistance?" he offered and it only confused Martyn further. Scary Ren the Dog was offering to help him move his books?

And while Ren might have been pulling his leg there to just laugh at him Martyn could not just flat out say no. That would only spell more trouble. "I would hate to interrupt whatever you were reading..." he said instead, smiling at Ren.

"Oh, don't worry about that, I practically have the whole play memorised," Ren grinned and glanced at Martyn's books. "Oh, vectors, I remember Doc being utterly bamboozled by these and he's the one who dragged me to take advanced physics with him," he chuckled while already gathering Martyn's books into a neat stack.

"You understand this nonsense?" Martyn asked, regaining control of his own body just in time to carry his own bag. Play? Advanced physics? It was a fact that things like the drama club and its members didn't get recognised too easily. But Ren? In a costume, on stage, reciting lines of some king? That sounded just weird.

"Yes. Doc says it's because my brain's more used to abstracts than his or something like that. I can try to explain it but I'll probably be terrible at that."

Martyn of course accepted the help. Ren turned out to be great at explaining the vectors and soon Martyn didn't need much more help. Which was unfortunate because Ren's voice was very pleasant to listen to. And he was a darn adorable theatre nerd and in a suspicious amount of advanced classes because of Doc. And that meant he was darn smart to stay in them until his senior year.

"What's the play going to be about?" Martyn asked after five minutes of silence, and another 'teacher check'.

"King Arthur. For whatever reason I got cast as the villain, again," Ren said, visibly bummed out at his newest role.

"Villains are usually good-looking," Martyn said before he could stop himself. And instantly started to think about how to explain himself. No matter how nice Ren was they didn't know each other that well just yet.

"Why isn't the drama club chasing you to play them then?"  Ren chuckled, completely stunning Martyn. "Though a princess would probably suit you better with how cute you are," he added with a charming grin.

Martyn had no idea what to say. Under his gruff look of a bad boy (he looked much more like it than Grian, Joel and Jimmy combined) and rumours was damn handsome. And that grin? If Martyn were standing he'd be on the floor. And was now possibly flirting with him? Well. Who was Martyn to tell him to stop?

"If I were a princess I'd let you kidnap me whenever you'd like to," Martyn retorted with a flirty (at least in his hopes) smile. This was harder when you might actually like the person and not just messing with them.

"Then how about I 'kidnap' you for milkshakes after this lovely detention we're stuck in, princess?" Ren asked with what was no doubt his best villain smile. It certainly looked the part and was very attractive.

"I told you to just call me Martyn," he protested, blushing at the image of Ren carrying him out of the school that came to his mind. He was pretty sure it'd be nothing hard for Ren. "And I'd be delighted to go for milkshakes for you," he added with a clearly fake pout.

"Great, it's a date then," Ren grinned and Martyn blushed even more. Who would have thought the 'Mad Dog' was such a big softie and a nerd on top of that? And an absolute gentleman who refused to let Martyn carry his own bag or open any doors.

[charlotteiscrying]

222 days sober today. 222 days since you left, 222 days since every single aspect of my entire life changed. im kinda happy i lost everything at once. it could not physically have hurt more, but now that ive lived through, actually prospered through, the hardest 222 days of my 22 years of life, i feel like i can do anything. there is literally nothing, outside of death, that can hurt me more than ive already been hurt. not meaning that i haven’t been hurt by death, more meaning that death is the only thing that could hurt me more than fentanyl, hurt me more than you.

i try to remember the girl i was 222 days ago, the girl who was withdrawing n just so sick, with so much anxiety about giving up the only thing that ever made me happy in this world. i genuinely couldn’t keep using that stuff, i was at the point that i couldn’t physically get enough fentanyl up my nose to even feel just baseline 33% okay. even after i started smoking it, i couldn’t chase the dragon fast enough, or well enough, to ever feel okay.

that shit sucks. i think about that all the time when i see homeless people around the city. they are so sick all day every day, chasing some powder, that smells like actual ballsack, that will, only maybe, make them feel just barley okay for 15 mins. i was right there with them, n that’s the scary part. all it took was 2 years to get to the lowest rock bottom possible. going through an endless cycle of withdraw, hustle, buy, snort, repeat. every 30 mins.

im just so happy i can say ive changed in these past 222 days. i don’t even recognize myself when i look in the mirror. i look healthy, i have color in my skin again, ive actually gained almost 20 lbs. im on the tiny dose of methadone the rehab left me on, n thats actually made me accidentally quit alcohol and any and all benzodiazepines. same w mdma, acid, all hard drugs in general. all i do is smoke weed now.

im actually taking care of my body and my skin, its been borderline impossible trying to heal all this acne i have left from the fentanyl n all the toxins i was putting into my body. and the scars from all the times id scratch my skin open… im trying to heal them, but mainly im just proud of me for taking care of myself. and i’m so beyond proud that i actually enjoy doing my skincare now, i’ve made it a little routine thats such a nice break i can take for myself each day.

mentally, the hardest part of these 222 days has been you cheating on me. you know you didn’t break up with me first. you cannot gaslight me into believing that- you just didn’t break up with me. you also know i didn’t hallucinate 6 months of long distance. i didn’t hallucinate your facetimes every night, your promises that you love me, that there’s no other girls, that i have nothing to worry about. you obviously couldn’t admit to me just how much you had been using me. just how unfaithful you had been. you had been cheating long before i found out. long before. n i knew. im not dumb, i just get blinded by lust. by what could be. by what we could have been.

that’s another huge thing i’ve accomplished recently. realizing the difference between love and lust. i care about you, n i have a lot of lust for you, but i do not love someone who treats me how you have. i thought i loved you. i really did. i thought you loved me. that’s the crazier part. we made it through two years of addiction, fentanyl addiction at that, you went to prison, proposed to me, several of my cars got crashed, i od’d, you saved my life, we both got clean, made it through rehab, we were doing long distance for 6 months. we mf beat fentanyl. or- i did. you pussied out on day 2, then beat 5 doctors up until they shot you up with fentanyl to sedate you. you then proceeded to continue tweaking, so they’d give you more. you od’d. so you never detoxed, they detoxed you while you were asleep. you were awake for 48 hours of detox. i was awake, and conscious, through every second of it. i was in the emergency room for 22 days. in the telemetry unit actually, i had an arrhythmia, and tachycardia, from detoxing. i beat fentanyl. and i didn’t immediately turn to alcohol to satiate my cravings, either. i learned to look beyond them, to see what i already have right in front of me. that’s why, in 222 days, i’ve made all this progress, n you’re right back exactly where you left off. oh, and i know you’re back on fentanyl, too. i’d know that behavior anywhere.

im glad that i ruined juice wrld for you. same w my city, bmws, that gun you love so much that i was with you when you bought. all your favorite things reek of me- i love it. every day you get further and further from me, i realize just how much you used me. how much you didn’t care. how much you tricked me, how much you lied. how much I didn’t need you. 

you’ll never get to touch me again. you got to be with me at my lowest. congratulations. you never even met the real me. the sober me. you know i kinda am happy you left how you did. you ripped the bandaid off. it hurt so bad it made me realize i recognized that hurt from somewhere. i had gone through the emotions of being broke up with by you probably 22 times over.

im so excited to see what i do in the next 222 days. how much more progress i will have made. where i will go, the things i will do, the people i will meet. i hope im almost completely off the methadone, n i hope i have found many more things that make me happy. healthy things i mean. im just proud of myself. n so beyond excited for the future. i know its gonna be wayyy better than these last 2 years, and even better than these last 222 days.

- it was just 2:22AM :)

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary107

12/29/2023

friday

here's a photo i found in a magazine on internet archive today that feels too apt to not put on tumblr dot com:

anyway i emailed me resume to that kbbq place.. i can't wait to wash dishes and think about killing myself every day. i already do that but it's less, i dunno, meaningful, it's just like, yeah that's something that happens sometimes. maybe it'll just be that when i wash dishes again. it probably will be. i'm just a stupid dramatic bitch.

anyway that picture is really funny, it's too much, it's probably been posted like a million times, it's such perfect fodder for what people put up here usually.

anyway here's some other stuff i was finding from old gyaru fashion mags (looking for references for cover art):

a very young girl thing of me to do, stare at fashion mags to absorb their ways of expressing / presenting reality, graphical means and so on. but i guess everybody is like that in their own ways. guys staring at old mde videos for inspiration are more young girls than me, at least i know these are kind of psycho. this is a vapid way to think but it's funny, which is why i am doing it.

mde is on the mind because my gf started watching fishtank recently. it seems mostly insane and evil, but that's fascinating to see so i get her watching it. it's the next generation of jerry springer, i think, or other shit like that. drama youtube and fishtank, that's the next generation of trashy reality tv. it's scary to me that this stuff just won't disappear, an evil impulse in spectacular societies, to not ever look away from these kinds of systems that make people behave certain ways, and to goad people into being insane to feel like you see the evil parts of culture or whatever. or not just evil, the ugly degenerate stuff, to feel like you can always sense that. fishtank really seems to love that for its 2nd season.

anyway sam hyde is such a piece of shit, too much breath here has been wasted on that freak pedophile.

anyway today, since i got to every song re: mixing finally, i decided to listen to the album as i have it rn, at first i was a little over an hour but i cut songs, now it's 48 minutes. i'll say there's room for +/- 1 min (really like 1 min 30 w/ short songs). but idk. i should see if i can shorten some of the songs here naturally, like if they have parts that repeat too much, take too long to get to their points, whatever. there's one song that's a maybe, it depends on if i can get it to sound right and find the right place for it. i love the song, so i want to keep it in the album. i should see if there's any short song rn that i don't want to keep, but i feel really attached to them all. actually there's another maybe too, both need to be placed right i think. they both kind of stick funny in the album. they need to fit in a bit better, idk how to do that w/ the second one but i like it a lot, there's just a part that's not right yet i think, in terms of how it sounds, it could be a bit crazier, louder, noisier maybe.

when i listened i took notes on some of the songs that needed special attention at the front of the record, i got through 6 of those, the list is of 8, so 2 more tomorrow and then i go through and listen again and try to see what else needs to change.

there's like 33 songs, so there's still a lot to get through but if i can maintain this pace/something like this pace, i'll be very happy.

right now i am just thinking about how my misanthropy comes in waves, but for a long time now, it's been given no reason to recede. something about pessimism is basically addictive but i don't think i'm in some mental-opiate haze, where i am, about people, at least some of them. it feels solidly under my feet, i know something totally pyrrhic, so many people i know, i have to keep asterisks on my relationships with them, because they just say awful things or reveal things. communist friends, even, maybe them especially. it's not about my feeling that i'm better even, it's just this overwhelming being used to finding out someone you know says "i'm glad (x) is transphobic too", to someone you know, a closer friend meeting someone from online. it's like, i knew he felt that way, i knew the person he was talking about felt that way too, my friend probably knew too, he is frustrated because it's stupid that anyone would decide to confide this in you. when pushed on it, this person who i guess is still basically something like a friend said "well it's because of andrea dworkin. it's feminist," which is so stupid and gross. i hate what radical feminism means now, or in the hands of people like that, i also hate that i basically know and expect this kind of thing from people who are close friends w/ this other friend (with asterisks) because she sort of becomes their whole moral/political compass because she's the kind of person who you want to agree w/ you or tell you that you're fine and whatever.

beyond this, other insane social failures that have left my friends, my closer ones who i don't have to put asterisks on, miserable and paranoid. not a terrible sort of paranoid, like this other guy i knew, who believed the satanic panic was real and all kinds of other shit. he also was vaguely transphobic, worried about the biopolitical consequences of hrt. seeing that problem and not questioning the broader circumstance that put us here, and instead accepting the reactionary assumption that this kind of thing is wasteful and dangerous from the jump, and feeding a fantasy or whatever. messing with your body is too far. he accepted people otherwise though, the paranoid guy, he was very catholic and maybe just not sure of things entirely. transphobic is ultimately only half right for these people, he really did accept people, when i told him about diy hrt, he was shocked and it seemed to change his mind on something, i couldn't tell what. but his obsession with child abuse cults and conspiracies broadly made him impossible to really talk to. he was also a communist. i am not complaining about communism, just expressing that these are not fascists.

i don't really know what i'm talking about. a lot of these people are just so frustrating. i don't know why they are like this.

i am getting tired now, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!

[foxbox23232]

And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him. Luke 1:76

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5

Everyone is called to be a prophet but only those who are not blind can see. And those not deaf can hear. Only those with spiritual eyes can see the unseen realm.

Every believer I have ever met has experienced prophecy in some sort of way whether they realized it or not. But unfortunately they do not understand they were suppose to use that gifting. I’ve been prophesied to thousands of times to the point where it’s just undeniable. My WHOLE LIFE is a testimony of prophecy. Even me being alive by a prophet is a miracle of prophecy. Seen people prophesied to as well always incredible and magical experience. God really does know the most perfect things to say to make your heart whole again. He always knows the ways to draw me in even closer and make me love him even more than before. For awhile it will be sweet, then the truth comes in and sometimes it hurts, but he only does it when you’re ready for it. But regardless he will always know the best things to tell you. Literally one example a prophet of Jesus who lives far from me I’ve never met her she knew I was molested. She even knew how it happened too. I didn’t even have to tell her she already knew about it. That’s one story lol… I literally have thousands. Sometimes it’s scary living in a glass house but honestly you know what’s even scarier? Not accepting God as your savior… And not understanding how the enemy hates you and is destroying your life. And tbh if you really are a good person and have nothing to hide what’s so bad about living in a glass house anyways. There is nothing wrong with being see through. Everyone already is anyways whether they realize it or not. Might as well be around people that actually accept it and embrace it.

Also the more you tap into Gods presence and accept the Lord prophecy becomes very powerful because Holy spirit is becoming manifested. It is the great spirit not your own because I was never like this before Christ. Some people are healers, save people in foreign countries, they will be part of this realm and the unseen, have dreams, have visions, start hearing things, it’s just crazy what the Lord can do. And ya I’m definitely a testimony 100% I was saved by a prophet and also turned into one I believe the Lord is working on this into becoming my life, I have even helped people through it too it’s crazy. I knew my friend was suicidal I didn’t actually know but the Lord showed me he does tend to have me help those people a lot. Who are very depressed or suicidal. And what’s even crazier is I’m just scratching the surface of it all. The more I grow in Christ to become like Christ the more intense it starts to get. Not always easy, sometimes will be the hardest thing you ever do. Im also hoping and praying my children will be prophets I know they will be probably I know extremely young children who were raised that way and already are prophesying they are even as young as 7- 10 years old.

Psalm 146:8 - The LORD gives sight to the blind, the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, the LORD loves the righteous.

In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 2 Cor 4:4

For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light Ephesian 5:8

Just because you are born into darkness does not mean you have to stay there.

[coolstorysister]

Prompts from movies

Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?

On your left!

But the price of freedom is high. It always has been. And it’s a price I’m willing to pay.

I’m with you till the end of the line.

I do what they do, just slower.

I’m sorry…did I step on your moment?

Even when I had nothing, I had (name).

“How do we know the good guys from the bad guys?” “If they’re shooting at you, they’re bad.”

This isn’t freedom. This is fear.

For as long as I can remember, I just wanted to do what was right.

The world has changed, and none of us can go back. All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over.

If you’re gonna fight a war, you gotta wear a uniform.

“You’re on the wrong side.” “That depends on where you’re standing.”

When people start seeing you as a monster, that never goes away.

Those with the most power have the most to answer for.

Denying half of your being is no way to live. Trust me.

You have to be in control of your own narrative.

At first it was fun. Then scary. Then fun again. Then spooky but in a fun way.

Remember everyone we meet, no matter how much they hurt you, is a lesson learned.

How far are we allowed to go to fix something that’s broken?

You’ll kill me? Evidentially there’ll be a line.

“She wouldn’t want us to fight.” “Well, she wouldn’t exactly be shocked.”

You must be truly desperate to come to me for help.

“I’ve got this completely under control.” “Is that why everything’s on fire?”

There is nothing more reassuring than realizing that the world is crazier than you are.

I am not getting stabbed in the name of science!

“It’s okay! We’re Americans!” “Is that supposed to make them like us?”

She was already perfect.

“Am I going to be okay?” “No. You’re in a relationship with me. Nothing will ever be okay.”

I have to protect the one thing that I can’t live without. That’s you.

Do you want an empty life or a meaningful death?

Don’t leave me, Buddy…

You got a minute to live. Fill it with words.

Puny god.

There is no version of this where you come out on top.

“We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?” “I remember a shadow, living in the shade of your greatness.”

I understood that reference!

“We need a plan of attack!” “I have a plan: attack!”

Thank you…for your cooperation.

“I’m bringing the party to you.” “I don’t see how that’s a party.”

You know what it’s like to be unmade?

Following’s not really my style.

Their secrets have secrets.

We are not soldiers!

“Are you sure about this?” “Yeah! It’s gonna be fun.”

I still believe in heroes.

[theteasetwrites]

The Beginning Is the End Is the Beginning

Chapter 74: Flicker

❧ Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Female Reader ❧ Era: Season 10 ❧ Pronouns: she/her ❧ Warnings: scary situation, character death ❧ Word Count: 5.5k

❧ In This Chapter: Your relationship with Carol continues to strain when she comes back without Lydia, and the revelation of an enemy in your midst leads to tragedy. Aaron comes home with a break in the case, however—a possible location of Alpha's horde.

❧ A/N: Things are getting shaky between Carol and Reader, for good reason. I know personally that season 10 Carol annoys the shit out of me with how much she takes advantage of people/gets everyone into danger, so maybe I projected that onto Reader a little bit, but also, I don't blame her for being mad! Some interesting stuff coming up with the cave situation, too... Once again, this gif of Daryl is sending me he’s so fucking hot I can’t

“Daryl, you can’t stop me,” you huffed through gritted teeth, haphazardly throwing a few flashlights in your pack.

Twilight was settling in, and the more night’s shadow engulfed the world around you, the more you needed to go out and bring back Lydia.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing you by the shoulders and turning you to face him. “Just calm down, all right? You’re all fired up. Ain’t good to go out there like that.”

You scoffed, knowing full well he was just making an excuse. “They’ve been gone for hours now. We should’ve left the minute Robin told us.” You turned back towards the bed and tossed a few more things in your bag. “Who knows what Carol’s done already… She could’ve gotten her killed for all we know.”

“Don’t say that,” he said. “I’m sure they’ll be back.”

You turned to look at him again, your eyes crazed and your mouth agape in disbelief.

“She lied. She took Lydia out there to use as leverage. She doesn’t care what happens to her, or any of us, as long as she gets what she wants. Don’t you see that?”

Daryl sighed and pulled you towards him, sitting you down on the bed before sitting beside you.

“I see a crazy woman who needs ta take a deep breath ‘fore she goes out there and gets herself killed for an even crazier woman.”

You sighed and plummeted your head in your hands as the walls in your mind seemed to crumble all around you.

“I’m not crazy,” you said. “I’m worried… Scared. I feel like everything’s… out of control.”

“I know,” he said, wrapping his arms snug around you and letting your head fit perfectly in the crook of his neck. “Don’t go out there. She’ll be back. Just… stay here with me. Can’t have ya all out there.”

You smiled against his shirt collar, amused by how much he loved you, Carol, Lydia… and, of course, little Robin. It was funny to you, how his whole life revolved around a bunch of women, and yet he’d mostly grown up around men, taught to believe women weren’t good for anything besides cooking and cleaning, and sex, of course.

Perhaps his closest male friend since Rick was Aaron, but besides that, his life was filled with women, all of whom he cared about in such different ways, and he felt it his duty to keep safe, even if they didn’t need it. He knew that.

He also knew when he couldn’t let you go.

“They’ll be back,” he continued, “and whatever Carol did, we’ll fix it.”

“I’m going to unleash Hell on that woman,” you said. “For putting our—”

You froze, realizing what you were about to say.

Daughter. Our daughter.

“I mean, she’s not our… I just want her to be safe.”

“I know,” said Daryl, clinging tighter to you, as if afraid you’d try to leave his grasp. “Me too. S’why I need to know you’re safe right now, nice and safe where you belong… Home, in my arms.”

You sighed, feeling your willpower crumble at the sound of Daryl’s heart beating steadily near your ear. Just knowing he was alive, holding you, was enough to keep you home to have him all to yourself, cherishing him.

“You’re trying to distract me,” you said, mumbling a little against the fabric of his shirt as your hand trailed up and down his strong arm. How you wished he still wore those sleeveless shirts, but he’d grown out of them, opting instead to wear fully-intact button-up shirts that barely fit around his bulky frame while silhouetting it in such a way that almost made you more attracted to him, as you found yourself often just wanting to rip those shirts off of him and expose the beautiful torso underneath.

“‘Cause it’s easy,” he said, closing his eyes and nuzzling his face into your hair. “Just gotta hold ya real close, maybe tell ya how beautiful you are, say somethin’ cheesy, like how I can’t imagine my life without ya. That kinda thing.”

“Mmm… It’s working. Just a little, anyway.”

He smiled and moved back his head until you were eye-to-eye. His hands cupping the sides of your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks, you smiled back, in a trance from his abundant affection.

Perhaps Daryl tried to not to be overly passionate in public, but he made up for it in spades behind closed doors, making you feel like a princess receiving some kind of special treatment that was much too good for you.

“Let’s wait for them to come back,” he said. “Wait till daylight, then we’ll leave first chance we get to find ‘em. No good goin’ out there now.”

A glimmer in his eyes was the final straw as you sunk into his touch and gave up any hope of leaving.

You only hoped he was right, that Carol and Lydia would come back.

It was early in the morning, the world still shrouded in darkness, when Carol returned, alone.

A knock to your door woke Daryl, and his stirring awoke you, too. Wrapping your housecoat tight around your waist, you stepped quickly down the stairs, lantern in hand to hopefully greet Lydia.

Daryl followed soon behind, and had to pull you away before you could lunge at Carol, who came back without Lydia.

“I couldn’t stop her,” she said. “She made her choice.”

“Bullshit,” you growled, forcing Daryl’s hands off your waist and coming nose-to-nose with Carol, who stood her ground, straight-faced and stoic, as if she didn’t have a regret in the world.

Still, no one could have made it this far without regrets.

“You never wanted her here,” you said. “You used her, didn’t you? You used her, and you didn’t care if she left! You don’t care about anyone but yourself!”

Carol frowned, tilting her head and eyeing you angrily, with a hint of confusion at your sudden rage. It took a lot to make you angry, and she’d never really seen it before. “That Whisperer, the one Aaron’s been talking to at the border, she saw her, and she ran off crying.”

“That doesn’t mean anythin’,” said Daryl.

“It means seeing Lydia alive has an effect on them. They see that Alpha lied.”

You shook your head, feeling a lump form in your throat at the thought of Lydia out there on her own. She was a good fighter, but she was young, and even an adult shouldn’t be out there alone.

“She could be dead right now,” you said shakily. “Because of you. Because you can’t just listen.”

Carol moved forward to touch you, but you pulled away, sickened by her actions.

“Get out of my house,” you said quietly, glowering at her and scaring yourself with how hostile you were being. “Go.”

You weren’t sure if you wanted her gone because you were mad at her, or because you didn’t want her to see you cry. Carol was an enigma to you, and had been since around the time she murdered Karen and David at the prison all those years ago.

You never understood it, and from that point on, a part of you couldn’t trust her. Though you’d tried to keep that mistrust under wraps, since she was among your best friends, it’d been showing itself more recently, with Carol’s increasing instability.

She left quietly, though the quiet didn’t last. You broke down crying at the sound of the shutting door, and felt Daryl immediately wrap his arms around you, pulling him against his chest and stroking your hair.

“What are we gonna do?” you asked through your tears. “We can’t just… leave her out there.”

Daryl shook his head and sighed. He didn’t like thinking about her out there either, not one bit. As much as he tried not to admit it, he loved Lydia as much as you did. He wanted her safe, and he thought of her as his daughter, too.

Still, there was also a strategic advantage to having Lydia in Alexandria. It potentially kept the Whisperers from attacking, since Alpha had expressed to Daryl before that keeping Lydia safe was important to her. Without Lydia, there was no reason not to send the herd to your gates.

“We’ll get ‘er back,” he said. “We will.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and grimaced at your muffled sobs, hating every moment of your crying. He always did, and that would never change. If he could keep you from crying his whole life, he would.

“Daryl,” you said softly, breathing strained breaths against his shirt as you tried to hold back your tears for his sake, “I feel like we just lost our child.”

He sighed and clutched you tighter, squeezing a few more sobs out of you. He thought for a while, searching for the right thing to say to comfort you. He always thought the hardest part about being married was trying to figure out what to say to you when you felt like this, so utterly hopeless. He knew he needed to say something, to be there for you with his words rather than just his actions, but words were always hard for him.

“We didn’t,” he said simply. “Like I said, we’ll get ‘er back. Start lookin’ tomorrow. Promise.”

Tomorrow was introduced with shocking news, which tore from you any semblance of hope for the day to be fruitful.

Siddiq was murdered last night. Killed by Dante, who was tied up and being questioned in the infirmary. He was a Whisperer, undercover in Alexandria the last four months, gathering intel, spreading paranoia about the Whisperers, and, worst of all, messing with the drinking water. That, you found out, was the source of the illness, the one that befell Robin, and killed many others, including Cheryl the day before.

You felt for everyone who’d lost someone because of him, but mostly, you felt for Rosita. She was with Gabriel now, but Siddiq was the biological father of her infant daughter, Coco, and now that little girl would grow up never knowing her father.

It was a tragedy piling on numerous other tragedies, but there was one reprieve. Aaron had returned from his outing that morning. He seemed peppy as he came through the gates, until you informed him of the news.

“He’s been here four months,” he said, sitting at the dining room table in your house as you served him a cup of tea. He looked down, staring blankly at some speck of dust on the floor. “How didn’t I know?”

“None of us did,” replied Daryl as he moved across the kitchen.

You side-eyed Carol, standing by the counter. You didn’t want her to set foot in your home again, but you also were too distraught to even make a scene now. The cold shoulder would have to do for the time being.

“We all ate together,” Aaron continued. “Talked about training the militia… He treated Gracie.”

“Robin, too,” you said sadly.

“You can’t do that to yourself,” said Carol, and though you knew her words were more genuine than everything else she’d been saying for the past week, you were in no mood for her consoling.

But the feeling of Daryl’s hand on your shoulder calmed you, keeping you from either verbally attacking Carol, or thinking too long about how Dante integrated himself into the community. It was a disturbing thought, which Daryl didn’t want you to ruminate on.

“Especially now,” he said. He turned to look at Aaron across the room. “We gotta keep our heads straight, try to figure out what’s goin’ on.”

Aaron sighed and looked up to him. “Mary, the Whisperer I’ve been talking to, um… told me where Alpha’s keeping the herd.”

Your interest piqued, and apparently so did that of Daryl and Carol, who were all ears. That must’ve been what had put a spring in Aaron’s step earlier, and certainly, it was the best news you’d had in several hours.

“Just over the border,” he continued. “On their side. It’s this sunken field on the edge of the national forest.”

“We can leave right after the funeral,” said Carol.

Yeah, you’re not going, you thought, and looked over at Daryl with a knowing expression. Daryl, you said to him in your mind, if you let her go with us, you’ll be sleeping on the couch indefinitely.

“We’re gonna trust a Whisperer now?” Daryl asked, looking between you and the others.

“You wanna do nothing?” asked Carol.

“Lydia’s still gone,” said Daryl, getting noticeably annoyed by her questioning, as well as the tone in her voice. “We don’t even know what that means yet.”

“Alpha doesn’t know that,” replied Aaron. “With Dante locked up in a cell, she doesn’t have to.”

“They could find her,” you said. “Then they’ll know she’s not here.”

Apart from that, her life would be in danger, but you only swallowed hard as you thought about that, trying not to let your emotions get the better of you.

“We ain’t even gonna talk about how this is probably an ambush?” asked Daryl.

“You think she’s leading us into a trap?” you asked him, and Aaron answered.

“Well, the baby that Connie rescued,” he said, referencing an event that took place about a year ago at the gates, when Alpha first revealed herself, “apparently that’s Mary’s nephew. She wants to see him. I don’t think she’s lying.”

Daryl was still suspicious, but he knew Aaron had a strong judge of character, same as you.

“All right,” said Daryl, and you could tell by his tone of voice that he was going into what you called “leader mode.”

“Get a group from Hilltop and meet us there.” He looked over to you, nodding his head gently as he spoke. “Second we’re done, we’re goin’ lookin’ for the girl.”

You smiled at him, happy to know he still cared about Lydia, too. He’d probably say he just wanted the strategic advantage of having her here, but you knew the truth—he loved her, as you did, too.

“Yeah, I’ll radio them,” replied Aaron. “Maybe they can get the news to Michonne, too.”

Daryl had spoken to Carol just after that, while you left to pick up Robin from school. Unbeknownst to you, he had tried to convince her not to go, out of fear that she would cause more trouble, and a little out of knowing that you didn’t want to spend more time with her than was necessary. She refused to stay, and used Daryl’s difficulty in standing up to her to her advantage.

Siddiq’s funeral was the focus of the afternoon, bringing every citizen of Alexandria to the cemetery to pay their respects. It was hard, watching his burial. Perhaps one of the hardest funerals you’d attended in years. The man taught you what you knew about medicine, which wasn’t much, but enough to save a life, you were sure. He was the last person Carl rescued, and symbolized a carrying of the torch of what Carl wanted for the future. Most of all, however, he assisted in the birth of your child, and that was a special connection that would always be there. If it weren’t for him, you often wondered if Robin would have been as healthy as she was, or if she would have survived at all… Or if you would’ve even survived.

Needless to say, the funeral was a difficult one, and looking over at Rosita, you could see the fury in her eyes, spurred on by the abject devastation of losing him. There wasn’t any rhyme or reason for why he died, just that he had found out about Dante’s treachery. That was the worst of it all, the fact that his death didn’t have meaning.

Well, or maybe the fact that Rosita herself had to put down his reanimated body, to keep him from killing her baby.

“Rosita,” you said softly, approaching from behind as the others retreated after the funeral. Daryl left to prepare for the journey, squeezing your shoulder as he did. She sat on the grass, hands in her lap as she looked down at the fresh dirt. “I just wanted to pay my respects.”

Despite the rocky start to your friendship, you loved Rosita, and you knew now that she loved you, too.

She sniffled and nodded her head towards you, unable to bring herself to say anything.

A long, but comfortable silence settled in, intermingled with Rosita’s soft cries. “(Y/N),” she said, still unable to look you in the eye. “Can I ask you something?”

You came closer to sit beside her, and rested a softened hand on her shoulder. “You can ask me anything.”

She looked at you now, perhaps finding it easier to connect her eyes with yours when you were face-to-face. Her cool-toned skin was paler than usual, and her deep brown irises were surrounded by the bloodshot whites of her eyes, reddened from crying. Empathy swelled up in you from the depths of your soul. Rosita had gone through so much, too much. She’d loved and lost three times, each time to such brutal, senseless murders. While she hadn’t been with Siddiq for a while, he was still special to her, loved by her.

“Is there a point to all this… suffering?” she asked. “I mean, is there a reason?”

You sighed and shook your head, studying the fine grains of dirt upon Siddiq’s freshly dug grave. “I wish I could say there was,” you said. “But I guess that’s just something we each have to decide for ourselves, how to… come back from it, and make it have a point.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her black shirt, then nodded in understanding. “I’m trying to find the point,” she said. “In all this.”

You mustered a sad smile and leaned closer to hold her hand in yours. “The point is that he was here,” you said. “He changed lives, left his mark. We suffer his death because his life had meaning. Just think of it that way.”

She wiped her face again as she lifted her head, looking at you through tear-clouded eyes. “I just wish Coco could’ve known him.”

You tentatively let go of her hand and outstretched your arm to hug her. It was the closest you’d been to her, and the first time you ever ventured to hug her.

“Maybe he’s… watching over her,” you said over her shoulder as you held her. Of course, you didn’t believe in Heaven, or whatever equivalents there were, but you knew that if Daryl had died, you’d believe in Heaven in an instant, just to know he was alive somewhere, so that he could see Robin grow up. “And you, and all of us.”

She shook her head as she cried softly, expressing more emotion than you’d ever seen of the usual quite stoic woman. “He should be here.”

“He should,” you agreed. “But we’re here, and we’ll make it right. For him.” You pulled away and held her hands in yours once more, sharing silent condolences for several minutes before speaking again. “I should go,” you said.

“Alpha’s horde,” she said with a nod, and you rose to your feet to dust the dirt off your jeans.

“Just hope everything goes well,” you said.

“Hey,” she spoke, rising to her feet and dusting herself off, too. “Not that you need it, but… be careful out there, okay?”

You smiled softly at her concern, and reached out for another hug, this time surprising Rosita, and sending a small jump through her. “I will.”

“I’ll watch over Robin while you and Daryl are gone,” she said. “Try to keep her… entertained.”

You laughed softly and smiled. “That’d be great. Thank you. But if she gets to be too much trouble, just send her over to Emily.” She nodded, and you turned to leave towards your house, but a thought occurred to you. “Oh,” you said as you turned back around towards her. “Could you feed the dog, too? And, um… keep him company?”

She folded her arms with a small smile, as she was hoping you’d ask that. “Sure.”

It was late afternoon when you headed off with Carol, Aaron, and Daryl, the former two on horseback, and you on the back of Daryl’s bike. Though you would always be slightly afraid of that thing, you were actually more confident on the bike with Daryl than by yourself on a horse. The large creatures always intimidated you, and at least you had an excuse to hold onto Daryl.

He slowed on the road as the four of you approached the meeting spot, where a group from Hilltop would join in the journey to the supposed location of Alpha’s horde.

They appeared from the woods as Daryl propped up the kickstand, and you hopped off to greet them, the first of which you recognized as Jerry.

“Hey,” said Daryl with a nod, the four of you approaching them on foot.

“Hey, D,” said Jerry, who nodded to you and proceeded to greet Carol with a hug.

You shuffled nervously, feeling slightly awkward in front of the others, who you didn’t know quite as well. Though they had come to Alexandria a year ago now, and had been living at the Hilltop since, you didn’t know Magna’s group all too well, as you hadn’t been able to visit the Hilltop much lately.

You knew of Connie through Daryl, as he’d developed a friendship with her and her sister, Kelly, both of whom were there. Then there was Magna, too, and she seemed serious but friendly enough.

Hi, signed to Connie, as you’d picked up a thing or two from Daryl. Several Hilltop and Alexandrian citizens had been studying sign language to better communicate with Connie, who was deaf, and it was, in all honesty, a good way to communicate without attracting attention from walkers. You hadn’t had many interactions with her, only communicating with her a handful of times in the last year, but you liked her a great deal. How… are… you? You signed slowly, with jagged movements that Daryl smirked at as he watched you.

Good, signed Connie with a smile. You’re getting better.

You smiled widely, flattered by her compliment. Thank you.

She signed something else, but you only got a word or two out of it. “Sorry, I don’t think I know that.” You turned to Daryl, who seemed to know what she was saying, as he smirked at you. “What did she say?”

Daryl shouldered his crossbow and moved his hands with his words, more slowly so you could see them. You always found it sweet when he tried to teach you things, and he was already so much better at sign language than you.

“She said you’re cute.”

Your eyes widened at Connie, and you shyly raised your hands to say, Thank you.

Connie smiled and pulled out her pocket-sized notebook before writing in it at impressive speed, then showing you the page.

Daryl always gushes about you when he’s in Hilltop.

Daryl scoffed, and you giggled at the thought. “Really?” you asked, now signing at the same time. “How… sweet… of him.”

She nodded in acknowledgment as Magna walked by, taking the group with her.

“Let’s get to it,” she said. “Screw these freaks… I say that in Siddiq’s honor.”

Night fell just an hour or two into the journey, and with a deep breath, you crossed the border for the first time. It was quiet, with only the sounds of night and the footfalls of cautious but determined steps upon the ground as the eight of you walked.

Silence among you steeped like a blood red tea, and nerves were pulled tight when Carol’s every movement seemed to be at a different beat to the rest of you. Daryl had slunk back behind, watching her like a hawk for any unpredictable moves, and generally keeping order as he often did these days.

“Hey,” whispered Aaron, trudging beside you and nudging your shoulder with his. “You good?”

He must’ve noticed your unease from Carol’s presence, though you nodded anyway. “Fine.”

There was a brief moment of silence, before Aaron let out a small chuckle, trying to keep as quiet as possible. “You know what this reminds me of? That time in Georgia, Dad took us out for an ‘evening hike,’ and we ended up getting lost in the woods after dark. It was a mess. You were crying, scared that… Bigfoot was gonna eat us, or something. I just wanted to look at the fireflies. And Dad, he was messing with that shitty old flashlight he refused to get rid of, banging on it to get it to stay on so he could look at the map of the national forest. It just kept flickering, on and off, till it ran out of juice, right as we got back to the campground, by some miracle. He had no idea where he was going.”

You laughed softly. “At least we know where we’re going,” you said with a shrug. “Kind of.”

“We do,” he said. “We’ve got more than a flicker.”

Dawn more effectively illuminated the path towards the field where Alpha was supposedly keeping her horde, and Daryl led the way the closer you got, along with Aaron, who’d been given the directions firsthand.

Daryl trudged forward to overlook the field, finding it empty.

He turned with a huff, looking at Aaron and quickly becoming ignited with frustration.

“Goddamnit!” He turned and began walking back, but everyone stood still, confused by Daryl’s anger.

He was a good leader, he really was, but he had much less patience than Rick did.

“Wait,” Aaron called to him.

“For what?” he barked back.

“This doesn’t mean Mary lied to us,” he argued, though with much more calmness to his voice than Daryl. “They were protecting this place. They put a trap in the road as a deterrent.”

“Yeah, from some hunter a decade ago.”

“No, that thing was rigged more recently than that, and you know it.”

Daryl narrowed his eyes and stepped forward with a glare. “You wanna stand around and figure it out?”

You crossed your arms and huffed, slightly concerned that Aaron was taunting the bear that was an angry, frustrated Daryl, which could only lead to pointless arguing between the two men, and slight embarrassment for you.

And then, if things got worse, you’d have to choose a side, as was usually implied when the brothers-in-law argued, though it was a relatively rare occurrence.

“H-hey,” you said with a nervous lump in your throat. You were no better at deescalating arguments than you were a decade ago, but you were slightly better at getting Daryl to calm himself. “Everyone just relax for a second, so we can think this through.”

“Nah,” said Daryl. “No time for that.”

Great, you thought. Why did I think that would work?

“Look,” answered Aaron, “the herd could have been here last week or yesterday. We had an obligation to come check this out.”

“Nah,” he said again, and looked over to you, noticing you seemed to be gravitating towards Aaron’s argument as you stood closer to him. “It’s time to find Lydia. Let’s go.”

You huffed and caught up with Daryl, trying to match his fast, impatient strides as he led the group back into the woods.

“Don’t be mad at him,” you panted. “He didn’t know.”

He scoffed and tightened his grip on his crossbow. “Don’ matter now.”

“But are you mad at him?” you asked.

He slowed his pace, and looked back towards the group as they struggled to keep up from several yards away.

He huffed, looking down at his feet and then back at you, with a softness to his face. “Ain’t mad, jus’… annoyed.”

You handed him your canteen, urging him to drink with a nod of your head.

“Well,” you sighed, “we tried… Maybe they moved it?”

“The herd?”

“Yeah,” you said. “Why not? If Alpha caught onto Mary talking to Aaron, it’d make sense. He doesn’t think she lied.”

He shrugged as he took a sip of water, then handed back your canteen. “Let’s go towards the river,” he said, pointing in that direction. “See if we can get Lydia’s tracks.”

You mustered a smile, eager to find Lydia. If anyone could find her, it’d be Daryl.

The sound of rushing water signaled the approaching river as Daryl led your group deeper into the woods,

“Lydia woulda taken this river downstream,” he said. “Back to our side.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Carol standing back, away from the group. She’d been straggling for a while now, causing a great deal of anxiety to surge through Daryl, and a great deal of anger within you.

Daryl noticed, too, turning to call out to her. “Hey, Carol,” he said. “Let’s go.”

“You go on, I’ll meet you,” she answered.

“Nope,” he replied. “We all stay together.”

She ignored him, as you expected, trudging away from the group to look through the brush into the nearby clearing. Daryl went towards her, trying to see whatever she must’ve been seeing.

From your vantage point, there wasn’t anything worth stopping to look at, but whatever Carol had seen was cause to run out into the clearing, bolting towards the other side of the forest.

“Hey!” yelled Daryl. “Carol!”

Daryl ran after her first, with you all following close behind.

Finally catching up to her, Daryl and the rest of you caught a glimpse of Carol’s figure running into some kind of old mine.

Delaying you was a handful of walkers, coming out from the trees and ambushing your group.

Daryl took the first one before dropping his bulky crossbow and opting to fight with his more efficient knives, then you came behind him quickly, plunging the blade of your ice axe into a few rotten skulls.

“Go!” he yelled to you and the others. “Get her ass outta there!”

You ignored him, as you often did in such situations. He always had to be the lone hero, but if there were too many walkers around for just him to handle, you weren’t going to leave him.

That, and you were not looking forward to going in that creepy looking mine.

“Goddamnit, woman!” he yelled when he felt your presence behind him, slaying a walker that might’ve taken a bite out of his shoulder. “Ya never listen ta me!”

You finished off the last walker with an exasperated puff of air. “Shut up,” you huffed, and turned to see Aaron looking back at you as he entered the cave last. “Let’s go.”

Daryl shook his head, running after you towards the mossy cave, well hidden by the overgrown vines surrounding its entrance.

“Stay behind me,” he said, raising his knives as he walked into the mouth of the dark cave. “Dunno what’s in here.”

Wish I had that Dad’s old flashlight right now.

The place reeked of rotting flesh, not boding well for the chances of walkers being inside. More curiously, it seemed like the rest of your group had disappeared, as there were no signs that they were ever there, though you definitely saw them run inside.

“Where are they?” you asked yourself.

“Dunno,” said Daryl. “Carol!” he whisper-yelled into the void, hoping someone would respond.

The further you walked into the darkness, the less you could see of Daryl’s figure, and soon there was nothing in front of you at all but black.

One missed step triggered a fearsome rumbling beneath your feet, and Daryl’s too, as you both fell an incomprehensible depth, made more incomprehensible by the abject darkness all around you.

“(Y/N)!” he cried out, and you called his name back as the two of you rolled down a steady decline, which probably saved the both of you, breaking the fall and easing the descent to the deepest part of the cave.

You were sure you’d passed out for a second, since you only remember being lifted up by Daryl, and suddenly surrounded by the others, barely lit by whatever light was struggling to bear down upon you.

The ringing in your ears was soon replaced by the abominable symphony of thousands of walkers all around you, only separated by the difference in elevation. You and your group had been lucky enough to land upon a heightened platform of rock, while the walkers were reaching for your living flesh from the lower level, clawing and biting at the air.

It was a hellish scene, with what seemed to be at least a mile of walkers crammed into the cave, reaching far beyond your ability to see in the darkness. You breathed heavily, exchanging a frightened look with Daryl, who had pulled you back with him and the others to be as far from the precipice as possible.

Looking around, there was no way to get out of this. At least, not without a few close calls. When your eyes landed upon Carol, you swallowed hard and tried to keep yourself from berating her, though there was one thought echoing prominently in your mind:

Well, Carol, you got what you wanted. We found the horde.

~

Thanks for reading! Likes, comments, and reblogs of any kind are always appreciated!

Series Masterlist Next Chapter ➳

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[yeonbinfics]

Getaway

Getaway by honggjoongie (ao3)

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 10,242

Summary: 

Boyfriends Soobin and Yeonjun take a week vacation to a beautiful remote cabin in the woods. They're looking forward to spending time together, but Soobin starts to notice some weird things happening.

Review:

So this one would have been perfect for Halloween but I also just discovered this fic when browsing through the yeonbin tags on ao3 so I'm going to gush about it now. Even if it is November.

My jaw dropped when I found this omg this is the spoopy fic I've been wanting all along. You have creepy cabin in the woods and the maybe unreliable narrator and horror movie themes. Just everything the community has been needing! And come to my surprise, this was posted in 2 years ago and has only 2k hits like? That’s an abomination, I need everyone to get on this fic right now!

Rambling aside, I loved this fic so much. 

It starts off like we are watching a movie. The way the author writes makes it play out in my head perfectly. Soobin and Yeonjun driving to their vacation spot in a cabin in the woods. The sun is shining, yeonbin are in love, they’re out celebrating their 2 year anniversary. Just happy vibes all around even though we as the reader already know some shit is about to go down. It’s just so perfectly horror movieesque. 

They arrive at the cabin and right off the bat everything is perfect. Very dreamy and wonderful, like they’re the spokespersons of a vacation catalogue or something. But soon enough, things begin to get eerie. First it’s the knocking on the front door that soobin answers but finds no one there. Then, the water in the cabin begins to get really hot which wouldn’t be that weird tbh but in context of the whole fic, its pretty weird. It’s as if something is beginning to play around with them. 

And then the really spooky shit starts happening. Soobin gets woken up in the middle of the night. There’s loud banging coming from outside of the cabin and creaking inside the house. Yeonjun does not hear it at all, he just keeps on sleeping. And this is when I knew it was like a horror movie because you know what Soobin does? He rolls over and goes back to sleep. 

Soobin! My god, I would have been out of there in 0.001 seconds, dragging Yeonjun behind me even if he was asleep I don’t care. 

But this keeps happening every single night. The banging, the creaking, at one point soobin wakes up and Yeonjun is gone. He’s not in bed and he can’t hear him moving around the cabin and instead of going out to look for him because you know, there’s been weird shit going on, nah he just goes back sleep. 

Someone come bring Soobin his clown nose because what the hell! It’s literally like a scary movie and I love it so much!

And what’s worse, when ever crazier things begin happening, Soobin tells Yeonjun, and you know what Yeonjun does? Nothing. He does nothing. He just tells him its probably nothing or maybe he was dreaming. Red flag! 

At one point Soobin hears Yeonjun calling for him from upstairs but when Soobin goes to check, the entire upstairs is empty, and Yeonjun is discovered to be downstairs the entire time doing his work. And the longer they stay, the more elaborate the house begins to mess with them. 

I don’t want to spoil all of it but this is such a good fic to immerse yourself in you like spooky stuff. The writer does a really good job and at describing everything as if you are in it and living it out as well. Like I said in the beginning, this entire fic reads out like a movie in your head. Every scene Soobin is in gives me chills with the way the author sets it up and gives details. 

Please leave the original fic kudos and comments and lots of love please!

( i know i said no spoilers but this is a spoiler so don't read if you haven’t read it i just want to get my theory out there)

The author doesn’t really answer if yeonjun is real or not. 

And my theory is that yeonjun is probably not real. I think it was the house making him up for soobin to fully stay in the house. Because it already made itself look picturesque perfect and to top it off, the prefect boyfriend as well. 

Because why on earth is Yeonjun just brushing everything off? Every time Soobin shows concern about something in the house, Yeonjun is there with a smile to tell him it’s nothing. And then when Soobin hears Yeonjun up stairs, the house is suddenly able to talk too that it was able to mimic Yeonjun’s voice? Nah, it has to be the house creating Yeonjun as a whole. 

And then when they try to leave, why would Yeonjun go back in the cabin? You see you’re boyfriend panicking, you had all night to pack. why would you go back and get your stuff. you should already be out with your bags in hand (although i think this could be a classic scary movie trope where the main characters just aren’t very bright lol). 

I’ve watched enough scary movies to fully believe Beomgyu when he’s like, yeah man you’ve been in the cabin without eating. the house was probably feeding off of soobin, feeding him lies to get him stay. 

Anyway, I've rambled enough. If you read this let me know what you’re theory is!

[myaimistrue]

Hi Del! I love your writing so much, it always has such comforting vibes.

If you so feel compelled, I would love to see #6 from the hugs list for Dean/Cas. <3

oh thank you so much!! i hope you like this one <3

prompt: hugging and gently holding the other's head

---

“I mean, this is insane, right? It’s crazy! We’re crazy!”

Cas watches as Dean paces frantically back and forth, leaning back against the counter in the bunker’s kitchen. He’s trying not to interject too much, not sure that Dean would take that well right now, and nodding along to Dean’s panicked monologue. Cas isn’t particularly worried; he learned a long time ago that sometimes Dean has to freak out over something before he’s entirely comfortable with the idea.

“We have a bunker, Cas! Like, a full-on fucking fortress. Nothing can get to us here. And now I’m letting us just fucking move out? Go live in a house like we’re normal people or something?” He whirls around and points directly at Cas. “Now, that’s fucking crazy!”

“We’ve thought this through,” Cas says evenly. “Remember? We’ve talked about this a lot. We’ve already got sigils and other protections placed on the house. We planned all of this out as much as we could, and we still decided the potential risk was worth having a real home. Right?”

“The bunker’s not that bad!” Dean says. His voice is edging toward hysterical. “There’s no windows, sure, but there’s the roof, and yeah, it’s huge and drafty, but at least we have plenty of space!”

“And some very bad things have happened here. Things we both want to leave behind,” Cas cuts in. He goes to Dean and places a hand on his shoulder, right over where his handprint was once scarred. “We need a fresh start, Dean. I think you know that.”

Dean’s wide, frightened eyes search Cas’s face, and then all at once, the tightly-wound panic dissipates in him. Like his strings have been cut, he falls forward into Cas, dropping his head into the curve of his neck and breathing in deeply. Cas holds him and brings one hand up to gently hold Dean’s head, cradling him close.

“Sorry,” Dean mutters. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Cas says. “This is a big step. It’s scary.”

“It’s fucking terrifying.” His voice is so tiny, so quiet in the small space between their bodies. “Which is stupid, ’cause we’ve done way crazier shit. I mean, we took down God. We stopped the apocalypse like twelve times, and I’m freaked out about moving into a house with you? It’s dumb.”

“It’s not dumb. I understand.” Cas scratches his fingers through the hair at the base of Dean’s skull, and Dean sighs at the feeling. “It’s scary to me too. But we’re not making this choice with our eyes closed. We’ve got a plan, and the rest…” Cas smiles, thinking of a day a million years ago, a day that Cas once was certain would be his last. “The rest, we’ll just make up as we go.”

Dean pulls back just a little, a lovely smile breaking across his face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Cas kisses him, then; how is he supposed to resist the obvious love in Dean’s expression, the radiant warmth of his eyes?

They linger there for a long time, kissing and holding each other and generally being painfully in love, until Dean seems steadier. And then, hand in hand, they leave the kitchen, ready to continue packing their things, ready to start a whole new life together. Cas is sure there will be more fear and panic for the both of them, but they’ve got each other to lean on. He knows it’ll be okay.

---

send me a number from this list and a spn character or relationship and i’ll write a little drabble!

[p4lparker]

I’ll Save You

It was scary. After everything we'd been through; Crazy Peter Hale, Hunters and a Kanima. This was by far the worst threat we'd faced.

Virgin sacrifices.

For who knows what purpose, but still at four sacrifices, we were beginning to worry. I'd try to go through the school day- learning as normal, but all of my focus laid with a blurred face of a mutilated teenager. The next victim. Scott was worried, we had no idea who was behind this, and anyone could be next. Well not just anyone, only people who hadn't done the do just yet. I'd been keeping my eyes and ears peeled for any sign of a clue or something to help us protect people, but I had nothing. Stiles was working over drive, writing on his crime board and furiously trying to figure out a pattern or a way to put an end to it all. But no dice, and I could tell he was becoming increasingly upset by that. We were in his room. I watched as he wrote something on his board then wiped it off moments later, I watched as he tapped his pen against his teeth. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration, he tugged at the ends and groaned from the lack of inspiration and partially the pain I'm guessing. I stayed studying him from my position on the bed.

"Hey, we'll work it out- don't worry.." I said to him, trying to soothe his obviously frayed nerves. As he turned d to face me; I took my chance to really look at him. His face was pale, his skin looking as if he were ill, the bags under his eyes looked as if they had bags. I could see the stubble decorating the bottom half of his face, him being so focused on trying to keep people alive- shaving had slipped his mind. I saw the rumpled clothes covering his body, as if he'd just grabbed them from the floor, I saw the twinkle that was usually in his chocolatey gaze- was missing. All in all, Stiles Stilinski was a mess.

 "Yeah, we'll figure it out Y/N. But how many others have to die. Be sacrifices before we do. It might be someone we know next time... One of our friends! And we can’t do shit, cause we're a bunch of scared kids who are in over our heads. We can't protect anyone, especially not ourselves!" Was the snapped answer I received. I just stayed frozen in my place. My eyes wide and head angled back slightly in shock. I bit my lip, before I looked away from him. Not wanting him to see how hurt his words and tone of voice had made me feel. It was kind of lame, to be so upset by frustrated words; but Stiles had never, ever spoken to me like that. And it was a shock to the system to say the least. I looked down at the book in my lap, my fingers brushing against the page absent minded manner- trying to distract myself.

"You're right. I guess we should stop bothering then yeah? Let whatever it is take kids and murder them for no reason.. Other than them being virgins. Cause we're useless and can't win right?" I hissed, as an anger bubbled up inside me. Stiles had never spoken to me like that, and I wasn't going to let him start now. I let my eyes lift to watch as his shoulders tensed. “Maybe we should just throw all of this away and turn our backs on everything huh?” I stated, my voice getting stronger with each word- the anger fuelling me. As I shoved all of the books covering Stiles’ bed and my legs onto the floor. I stood up and stared at him-trying to prove a point before yanking up my bag and jacket. I flung open the door and stormed out. With each step I felt anger surging me further out of the house- it burned fiercely and forced me into my car, I drove myself home and settled in for the night. Slamming open the door, giving it the same treatment to close it. I stomped to my room- flinging clothes off as I went. Yanking on sleep clothes and throwing myself into bed for the night. I drifted off eventually, but it was into a fitful nights sleep.

The next morning I woke up in a similar mood to the one I went to bed in. I could still feel the rage simmering underneath my skin. Going through the motions of getting ready for the day; I soon arrived at school and was able to ignore Stiles in person, instead of just avoiding his messages and calls. Every chance I got, I avoided him. Not wanting to be near him until I calmed down. At the end of the day, he approached me cautiously; head bowed sheepishly, hands fidgeting with each other and his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. And it made my heart stutter at how he presented himself. His body language screamed that he was asking for forgiveness, and I thought I’d let him stew a little longer for my own selfish enjoyment before granting the reconciliation I’d already planned to give him. I looked at him from the corner of my eye and with my books and bag; waltzed from the building and to the parking lot. I smiled to myself as I rest against Stiles’ jeep and waited for him to make an appearance. I watched as he walked to the car, head still bowed and fingers still fidgeting- but now with the keys, he hadn’t noticed me yet.

“Stilinski!” I called, watching as his body jerked in surprise. His arms flying out to ward off an oncoming attacker; not that it would do much good. His head swinging up at a pace that obviously gave him a crick in his neck from the way he gripped it. His gaze was wide and worried until he spotted me leaning against the hood of the car. I smiled slightly and moved forwards until I could wrap my arms around him- the sadness on his face made me wish I could squeeze it from his body, once his own arms squeezed me back. I finally sighed and pulled back from him. Nodding my head to the car stood beside us, Stiles smiled slightly and let us both in. He drove us slowly to his house, and parked in the driveway before he led us both into the house. We dumped our bags by the end of his bed, when we finally made it to his room.

 "Hey nerd, I forgive you. I get it. This whole sitch is messed up. And maybe you're right, maybe we can't help people or save them or protect them. But we can try!" I murmured as I noticed his hunched body. I ruffled his already messy hair as I walked past him on my way to throw myself at his computer. I let my fingers dance over the keys- I tried to delve into why virgins would be sacrificed. But at every turn I was stonewalled. Most of the websites or 'research' was made by hacks who were probably still in their Goth phase. It had been the same thing for the last hour. Either Stiles or I groaning in frustration, as we each hit another dead end in the research. We were getting nowhere and it was beginning to make me lose hope and my mind. I looked over to see Stiles slumped, his head hanging off the side of the bed and the book he was reading was lying on top of his head. He was defeated as his tired eyes looked up at me.

 "Any luck?" He all but sighed out, gesturing to the computer behind me. I shook my head and he growled tugging at his hair. I stood from his desk chair and flopped onto the bed landing on him. He let out an 'Ooof' as I landed on his back. I giggled lightly before rolling off him and landing beside him with a bounce. He turned his face to look at my own. His eyes still looked sad, his whole demeanour was that of a stranger- and it was beginning to drive me crazier than the failed researching.

 "Alright Stilinski. You're moping is making me want to punch you.. Spill." I stated poking his cheek with my finger, it following all of the freckles and moles that were scattered about his skin. He frowned before glaring at my prodding appendage.

"Gee, I don't think punching me will help. It would probably make me feel worse, I mean then I'd be in physical pain and I may even get a black eye or something, and that would just make my mood worse. Cause then I'd have to explain how I got beat up by you to everyone.. And that is just embarrassing..." Stiles began to ramble, his words flowing out of his mouth quickly, so quickly they made me dizzy. I cut him off before my head could explode by pressing my hand over his mouth and stopping his words escaping. His eyes were wide as I felt my own narrow. One of his eye lids dropped into a wink, which made me narrow my eyes further wondering what he had planned. Until I felt something wet settle into the palm of my hand and make a trail up it. I realised with a grimace, that it was his tongue. He'd licked my hand. He'd licked my hand like a 5th grader.

 "Ewww! You licked me!" I called out, whipping my hand from his face in disgust. Stiles just smirked sticking his tongue out at me in victory. I glared at him before talking him from the bed all together. We rolled until we landed in a heap on the floor. As we tumbled, he’d miraculously managed to twist and turn until he was situated underneath me- it was impressive, and he let out another huff of air as it was forced from his body by my weight landing on him. I stared at him from above and smiled brightly at his slightly pained grimace- before shoving myself off of him and pulling him up after me.

“How about we watch a movie.. Forget about the research that is taking us nowhere for now and just relax. It looks like you need it..” I suggested pointing to the Tv in the room. I’d already decided what we’d watch, all I needed was for him to agree and to actually relax for a while; maybe then he’s tell me what was bugging him so much. He just stared at me and nodded, a faint smile painting his lips. I pushed all of the books onto the floor and from his comfy bed; much like I had done the night before, but this time I was slightly more gentle about it. I grinned and gestured for him to leave the room- meaning he was to make the popcorn whilst I set up in the bedroom. I watched as he walked from the room,  he was muttering under his breath as he went. I smiled and set to making the bed comfy, I scanned the wrack of DVD’s on his walls grinning as the exact one I was looking for was in a prized position in the centre. Pulling it from the shelf and placing it delicately in the side of his TV- I let it play through until it got to the menu and selected the play movie section. I waited until he trundled back up the stairs and plonked himself down on the bed next to me. I heard a gasp and turned my head to face him, his face was covered in a broad grin- his eyes were lit up and sparkling, his teeth were showing and his dimples looked deeper than ever. Just looking at the happiness on his face was contagious, I couldn’t help but grin back at him.  We both settled in for the movie, not long into it I noticed Stiles wasn’t as into it as he usually would be. And my mind drifted back to worrying for him. I gently gripped his hand between both of my own, squeezing softly.

“What’s wrong Robin?” I whispered softly, still squeezing his hand. He turned to look at me, but this time a grin wasn’t covering his face. A frown was; a deep frown that furrowed his eyebrows, one that  made his chocolatey gaze appear muddy, one that made my heart ache slightly.

“I’m scared Y/N.” Was all he whispered back, I nodded and wrapped my arms around his shoulders- pulling him towards me and into a slightly awkward hug. I could hear him sigh softly, as his head rested on my shoulder. I wondered how I could make thing better for him, and my mind was coming up empty; his cool breath was causing goose-bumps to raise on the exposed skin. Biting my lip to ensure he couldn’t tell of the change in my body, I could feel the shivers wanting to wrack my body. Ignoring the feeling, and deciding to pull him closer to me- slipping one leg over his hips, one leg on each side of his hips. I let my arm circle around his shoulders, running my fingers through his growing hair- as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kept his head resting against my collarbone. “I’m terrified I’m next..” he whispered so lowly, I struggled to hear his words. I pulled back slightly, causing him to lift his head and look me directly in the eyes; his caramel gaze was solemn, and I thought I could see unshed tears shining within the depths.

“Scott wouldn’t let that happen. And neither would I…” I stated firmly, looking him in the eyes- I could feel the determined expression on my face. I watched as he shook his head, obviously not believing my words. I frowned, I would save him. I wouldn’t let anything happen to this beautiful boy I was wrapped around. An idea burst through my mind, and before I could comprehend my actions. His face was turned to the side, avoiding me- I moved my face in line with his own. Gently letting my lips press against his own softly; I could feel the uncertainty in his pouted lips, his head turning to face me once more. I pulled back slowly, looking to his frowned face to see his reaction. It was apparent after a couple minutes of silence and Stiles sitting completely still- which was a feat in itself, that he wasn’t going to make a move to either stop this or push it onwards. Taking in a deep breath, and settling my shaken resolve- I pressed forwards again. My lips pushed against his own, the fusion of our lips just as gentle as before. We kissed gently for what felt like eternity; neither of us pushing it, wanting to stay in that moment for as long as possible- lips moving with each other delicately. Our lips parted for seconds- allowing for breath, but they soon met again. It was like were both addicted to one another’s lips; his were plump and smooth, as they danced with my own. Stiles left a lingering kiss on my mouth, pulling back just slightly.

“What’re you doing Y/N?” He whispered, his plush lips brushing against my own with every word he spoke- sending my mind fuzzy with the sensation, I tried to concentrate on what he’d said; but my mind was spinning quickly and slowly all at once.

“I’m kissing you.” I stated simply, before pushing my lips that last millimetre to meet his own. I wasn’t sure what he made of my response, but he didn’t stop kissing me. His hold on my waist was tight, his large hands squeezing gently, holding me to him as if he was worried I’d disappear. Shifting myself in his lap to get more comfortable, my centre coming into contact with his own. A whiny moan escaped our lips, I wasn’t sure who it came from- but it seemed like the sound had flicked some kind of switch in my brain. Gasping as his lips left my own, grazing over my chin and down to the skin of my neck. He pressed a kiss on the column- as if testing out some scientific theory, pulling back to see my reaction. I could feel my eyes were closed, and my mouth was open in a silent moan. He surged forwards and let his lips trace kisses down the delicate skin- leading towards my collarbone. When he made contact with the skin there, I let out the moan that was desperately clawing at my vocal chords to be released. He chuckled against my skin, before pressing one last kiss to it- his lips searching for my own. Finding their home against them, and pulling me into a passionate kiss. His tongue poking out to tickle against my bottom lip, I giggled at the feeling and let him in. Letting him map out my mouth, his tongue touching and tasting- dancing with my own. My fingers tangled themselves in his soft hair, pressing him more firmly against me.

His dexterous fingers traced over my sides, before settling on my hips- he pushed me down further onto him. Unconsciously pushing my hips back and forth on him, giving us both a delicious friction that had me wanting more; but I remembered this was for him. But as things progressed, I realised I needed this too. I needed to feel him and see him come undone- passion and lust shining on his face as euphoria washed over him. Pulling my fingers from his hair, settling them on his shoulders- feeling the soft material of his checked shirt beneath my excited fingers; I pushed the material to fall from his broad shoulders, revealing the white cotton t-shirt beneath. I pulled back from the kiss and stared into his eyes, tugging gently on his over shirt until it reached his wrists; he promptly let go of my hips, allowing me to pull it from his hands, letting my fingers wander to the hem of his t-shirt- I gently tugged it up. Stiles got the message, and aided me in pulling it up his lean torso; with each centimetre of skin that was revealed, I could see the smooth skin, taut and lean over the visible muscles- which jumped when my fingers made contact. Stiles tried to reach up and connect our lips again, but I denied him in favour of just staring at him. His pale skin, unmarked and tempting. His lean frame, tucking in towards his waist but broadening at his shoulders, his biceps bunched slightly as they gripped at my own t-shirt. His veiny forearms; which had stared in many of my day dreams, leading down to his nimble fingers. I could see a faint blush lighting his speckled cheeks, when I turned my glance to his face. Hi bottom lip was being wet by his tongue as it poked out of his mouth. I could feel his fingers delving under the fabric of my top, discovering the skin of my stomach. He tugged slightly at the material, and I lifted my arms above my head; allowing him to remove the top and drop it next to our bodies. His fingers traced over the skin softly, so softly it tickled and caused a giggle to bubble from my lips. He smiled at the reaction, before pressing his fingertips more firmly into the skin- he tickled me quicker, causing our joined laughter to ring out and drown the sounds from the tv playing in the background.

I pushed my lips to his, distracting his fingers from their task. They still rest against my waist and hips, but had ceased their movements; as his lips took over the movements. One of his hands runs up my body and lands on my neck- his thumb bracing my jaw as our lips move in synchronicity. I let my fingers trail over his torso; feeling the soft, smooth skin, tracing them further down until they rest against the buckle of his belt. I slipped the leather through the metal and let it fall open, before gently wiggling the button of his jeans through the hole- dragging the zip down it’s track. Stroking over the band of his boxers delicately- it was then that he gasped and pulled back from my lips; his caramel eyes dark with lust, holding a look of uncertainty as he stared from his open trousers and my eager hand- to my face.  

“What’re you doing?” He repeated, his voice cracking. I looked at his face; his eyebrows were furrowed as they tried to comprehend what was happening.

“I’m going to make you feel good..” I muttered against his lips, before pushing gently on his chest. Forcing him to lie on the bed he was sat on- I lifted myself from his slightly and heard a disappointed groan erupt from him. I looked up at his face, before dropping my lips to the skin I was desperate to touch. Kissing over his neck, biting at it and sucking a mark into his skin- proving he was mine. Before trailing lower, grazing over his chest- licking at the lines of his body. Gradually dipping over the definition on his stomach, licking lower until it traced over the waistband of his boxers. I placed my fingers in the front pockets of his jeans and tugged them down; them getting stuck on his hips, and thighs, and finally his knees. I struggled to pull them from his body for laughing so hard- his chuckles joined my own as he raised his hips and manoeuvred his legs around to help me. Once I had the material in my hands, I huffed out a breath before throwing the fabric away as if it offended me. Stiles was leaning up on his elbows and watching as I tossed the jeans away from me- sticking my tongue out as they went sailing across the room. I turned to face him again; and gasped at the sight of him, sat there and waiting for me to join him once more. I moved back over to him, straddling him once more and connecting our lips. He was more confident now, and let his own tongue play with mine quickly, I rest my weight on one hand before allowing my other to feel over his heated skin. Finally coming to a stop at the bulge in his boxers, pressing against it lightly- only to feel his jolt up to meet it more fully. I squeezed him through the thin fabric, trying to get used to the size of him with my hand. A needy whine bubbled from his throat, that made my hand take hold of him through the material and pump him gently. A strangled sound came from him, as wetness leaked onto the fabric and my hand slightly- a wetness pooled in my own underwear at the desperate sounds he was making.

Palming him with one hand, and letting the other pull at the waistband of his boxers- tugging them down and letting him spring free. His cock resting on his stomach heavily- drops of pre-come leaking from the pink tip, the colour almost matching the dusting on his cheeks. I cast my eyes back up his body- seeing his almost black eyes focused solely on me; watching me marvel at him and his nakedness. Not being able to hold back any longer- my tongue licked up the underside of him- tracing along the prominent vein, feeling every ridge before licking over the head. All I could hear was growling and groaning from above me; my eyes rolled up to watch him. His eyes were screwed shut tightly, his bottom lip was being bitten by his teeth and his arm was thrown over his forehead- fist clenched in mid-air, his other was fisting the sheets. I opened my lips, holding him at the base and slipped him inside.

“Oooh..” Stiles whined out. I let him get used to the feeling of being wrapped in my mouth, I gently sucked the head- and was rewarded with more pre-come leaking out onto my waiting tongue. I slowly slipped my lips further over him, taking more of him into my waiting mouth. Bobbing up and down his heavy cock slowly, the parts of him I couldn’t fit into my greedy mouth, I massaged with my hand. My pace quickened just slightly, moving over him at a steady rate. Tasting him more and more as he leaked, I flickered my eyes back up his body as my mouth moved up and down him. His hands were flapping in the air- almost awkwardly, and his eyes were wide staring down at me in wonder, his mouth was dropped open as noises continued to fall from his pouted lips. Growls, groans, moans and whines. All eliciting my own moans as I continued my work, I pulled from him slowly with a pop. Grabbing onto his hand- with the one of mine that wasn’t rubbing over him- and tangling his delicious fingers with my hair, securing it there before moving my lips back over him; his answering whine was needy and made me push myself further down on him before coming back up at a quicker pace. I could feel him thrusting into my mouth, trying to match pace- but he was struggling his lips stuttering when the pleasure got to much- our rhythm didn’t match, but from the desperate calls coming from him I wasn’t sure he minded entirely. His hips jolted more quickly, forcing himself further into my mouth; my throat gagging on him slightly, swallowing the tip of him- I let him thrust into my mouth until finally he filled my mouth with a loud shout. Swallowing his taste down, I moved up his cock gently- knowing he’d be sensitive until he left my lips softly.

I stared down at him; his chest heaving, stomach muscles twitching rapidly as he panted in and out. I watched his face, still scrunched in pleasure and slick with sweat, then I let my eyes drop lower to look at his still erect cock. I felt my eyes widen, a smile tugging at my lips to see him so eager and ready; resting hard and heavy against his lower stomach. I stood from my knees, Stiles opened his eyes and watched; as I reached behind me, flicking the clasp of my bra open, I slid one strap down one shoulder- then the other and let the fabric cage fall from my chest. I watched as Stiles sat up fully; his hungry eyes wandering all over the newly expose flesh, devouring the sight before him. Moving my hands to the fastening on my jeans and popping the button, forcing the zip down its track. And pushing the jeans over my hips and bottom; bending at the hips and tracing them down my legs- all the while not taking my eyes from Stiles’ awe-struck face. I was stood before him in some owl printed underwear; but I wasn’t embarrassed, I had never felt more sexy- than that moment with his desperate eyes tracing over my near bare body. Slipping my thumbs in the elasticated waistband and tugging them from my body- I stood before the Stillinski boy completely naked. His eyes were still wide and dark, and he raised his hands for me. I intertwined our fingers as he pulled me over him- legs either side of his waiting body. Pressing his eager lips against my own and beginning another bout of endless kissing; soft and gentle, yet hard and passionate all at the same time, it was confusing and addictive. I let my fingers find his weighty member again, stroking him up and down- moving him between our bodies. He was poised in front of my folds, I raised myself up; preparing to plunge him deep within me, completely lost in the moment. Stiles ripped his lips from me, panting and staring at me surprised.

“What’re you doing Y/N?” He repeated for the third time, hands squeezing at my hips and halting my movements.

“I’m protecting you..” I mumbled, pressing a kiss to his pouted lips. Pulling away from him slightly, I stood from the bed and stumbled over to his bedside table; my trembling hands searched for the protection we needed- the protection I had almost forgotten in the rush of Stiles Stilinski. I stared down into the open drawer; desperate eyes searching in an almost panic. Before calming with my racing heart and laboured breathing as they spotted; and untouched and unopened package, extra large and waiting. Furiously ripping into the box and digging one out; I tore the foil packaging open before stumbling back to Stiles who was waiting on the bed. I pushed back on his chest again, sliding one of my legs over his hips and kneeling above him. I watched as he breathed out a shaky breath, my fingers finding his already leaking cock once more. Pulling the latex from the foil, I rolled it down him almost impatiently. Once he was covered and we were safe, I positioned him between us once more. Rubbing the head of him between my folds and gathering the wetness that was dripping down my thighs and onto his lap. His eyes were wide, and one of his fingers rubbed through the moisture that had leaked from my centre curiously. I held my position, his cock almost pressing into me- as he raised that hand to his face. He rubbed his thumb and fingertip together, as if testing the consistency of the liquid. I giggled slightly and his eyes widened to the point I was worried they’d pop from his face.

“Is this from you? Are you..w-wet?!” He asked amazed, as he watched me grin and nod my head. Before my brain could keep up with his movements; his fingers were pushing his cock out of the way and delving into my folds themselves. They played with the moisture gathered, smoothing it all around my core. Making me moan loudly and embarrassingly. His face was full of wonder as he continued to feel around within me, his fingers coming into contact with the sensitive bud within. The tip of his finger tickled at it inquisitively, rubbing experimentally in circles. I groaned and ground my hips onto his hand eagerly. The sounds of lightsabers colliding in the back ground was drowned out by the sound of his laughter.

“You’re really wet.. Wow.” He mumbled almost to himself, I laughed to, moaning towards the end of it as his fingers picked up their pace. It took all I had to grip onto his wrist and stop his movements; when all I wanted was to sub myself against him until I could feel myself quiver from the pleasure. I breathed out shakily, before pushing his hand away from my centre- I let my other hand pick up his heavy cock once more- positioning him at my entrance. Before surging down on him slowly. A strangled whine came from the beautiful, blissful boy beneath me. My mouth dropped open in a silent moan; a wide ‘O’ shape as he bottomed out within me. I held still, moments pacing as I could feel him pulse inside me; trying to get used to the feeling. I let him settle, before lifting up from him slightly- pushing myself down onto him slowly. Moving at a pace to allow us both the most pleasure, and to allow him to become accommodated with being within someone. Grinding my hips slowly in circles, his hands grasped at my neck- one cupping my jaw and the other pulling on the back of it. Forcing my lips to his in a desperate kiss, and manipulating my body so I was flush against him. Stomach to stomach. Chest to chest. Lips against lips. Kissing furiously as my hips rode him at a leisurely pace. One of his hands slipped from my neck, sliding down my body and squeezing at my naked ass- palming at the fleshy cheek; before sliding back up my body and giving my breast the same treatment. It was then I was forced to move quicker on him, forcing my hips to canter forwards and backwards; pushing us both closer towards the edge.

As our pace increased, our kiss broke. His mouth was wide open and he was groaning uncontrollably, I knew it wouldn’t take too much longer until he would be spent. I pushed my body up, hands resting against his heaving chest; before I pushed my hips as quickly as I could, whines slipping from my mouth to match his. Stiles, lifted his hips and thrust into me.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Four times.

Before his hips stuttered and he called out loudly, his cock pulsing within me- and he was filling the condom. I continued to ride him through it, trying to prolong that feeling of ecstasy for him. Once he’d finished, his hands gripped at my hips and ceased their slow grinding. He was breathing quickly, his breath fanning against my sweaty skin- cooling it instantly, before heating it up again as his fingers caressed over it. We laid in silence for a few moments, neither of us moving- apart from Stiles connecting out hands and intertwining our fingers mid-air.

“Oh my God!” He murmured out. I smiled down at him, his face was red and covered in sweat; but I didn’t mind, it made him more beautiful to me, I’d just seen him experience euphoria, and it was all because of me. “Oh Jesus.. Th-that was amazing..” He laughed, a grin beaming from his tired face, I just nodded and squeezed his hands. “Wait.. You didn’t y’know.. finish?” Stiles stated, his face morphing from a gorgeous grin to a frown- that almost hurt my heart. I smiled gently and shook my head at him. Stiles’ face was set in a scowl, and he pushed his lips against my own- kissing me heatedly, making my pulse rise quickly. I was too wrapped up in the feeling of his lips almost bruising my own; to notice that he’d let one of my hands drop. And his fingers were working themselves between us. I didn’t know what was happening until I felt his fingers press and circle at the neglected bud with my still slicked folds, I was still wet- and getting wetter by the second as his fingers played with my core. He was experimenting mostly; seeing what would happen if he moved in a certain, figuring out which movement of his fingers would make me moan the loudest. Soon enough under his attentions, I was grinding myself into his hand- he was rubbing me to my end quickly and efficiently. Soon enough my hips were jerking quickly against his hand; quivering as I came. I whined as I felt the shocks running through my body. I breathed heavily into Stile’s neck, coming down from my high- he ran a hand through my sweaty and knotty hair,. “That’s better..” Stiles whispered, before dropping a kiss to my head.  He held my hands again, supporting my weight on his elbows and helped me to roll from his body in shaky knees. When I was situated, he sat up on the bed, with his legs falling over the side. He pulled the filled condom from himself and disposed of it in the bin by his desk.

He picked up his marvel printed boxers and tugged them on, before grabbing onto his red plaid shirt I’d discarded earlier. When he came back to the bed, he helped me to pull the shirt onto my tired but satisfied body, before tugging me back to him. Wrapping his arms around me and snuggling me close to his body- pulling the covers over both of us as we cuddled in silence.

“Thank you.” He whispered against my lips, we settled again. Smiling against his chest- listening to his heart beat which was beginning to slow to a normal pace now.

“I told you I’d save you.” I whispered as I watched him doze into a peaceful sleep, following not too long after him. Cuddled close to his body, with his mouth pressed against my hair. Stiles was safe, and that was all I could ask for.