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stranger-nightmare · 3 years ago

Text

𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐬

Pairing: Bucky x (female) Reader

Summary: Bucky discovers a scar on your body that he’s never seen before. Trying to explain to him how it happened isn’t going to be easy... (this is not about self-harming just in case that triggers anyone🥰🖤)

Warnings: hurt / comfort, angst, fluff, mention of previous sexy time with (very) brief description, implications of current sexy times, some swearing, I’m gonna say minors DNI just to be safe

A/N: this idea came to me whilst I was falling asleep so I literally got up and typed most of this on my phone at like 2am before I forgot the idea, I hope you like it!!🖤🥰✨🥺

This is for people 18+ only. Minors do not read on. If you click ‘keep reading’ you are hereby agreeing that you are 18 or older.

Before reading: this oneshot works within a world where y/n and Bucky were together in the 40s before he ‘died’ and resurfaced as the Winter Soldier many years later. Y/n has also managed to live a long life, being roughly the same age in the modern era as she was in the 40s. But how exactly is up to you, whether y/n is an immortal witch or also received the super-solider serum or whatever is up to you!!

—

Lucky didn’t even begin to describe your situation. It couldn’t be anything short of a miracle that had brought you and Bucky back together after almost a century apart.

You and Bucky had been together back in the 40s. You’d been completely broken upon hearing about his death. It had taken decades for you to slowly repair yourself.

And then all those repairs were ripped apart again when Bucky had resurfaced. Resurfaced as something other than himself. It almost hurt more to see him like this than it did when you believed he was dead.

You could only thank the Gods and the people of Wakanda for healing him, bringing back the Bucky you knew and loved. For the most part anyway.

Of course there was no way he was ever going to completely heal. The Winter Soldier would haunt him for the rest of his life. There was nothing anyone could do about that. It had taken a long time for him to finally come round to you again. He wanted nothing more than to be with you, for things to be as they once were. But he still struggled with trusting himself. Especially around you. It’d been nearly four months after you’d reunited that he’d finally kissed you. It was soft, gentle, cautious. He daren’t let himself get too impassioned.

It’d been another two months after that you’d finally convinced him to have sex with you. Again, it had been too soft, too cautious, neither of you finding release. He’d only thrusted into you a few times before he told you he needed to stop, feeling overwhelmed. But you almost didn’t care. All you cared about was that he tried. He was trying. You’d spent the rest of that night just holding him in your arms, reassuring him softly.

Right now though you could barely contain your excitement as Bucky’s lips pressed against yours once again. It was still cautious, but not quite as gentle as before. There was an undercurrent of urgency in his lips. His flesh hand was cupping the back of your neck, holding you against him, tipping your head back so he could gain better access to your mouth. His metal arm was resting so gently on your waist, his grip barely there at all. You fisted your hands in his shirt, desperately seeking permission to take it off him. He obliges, breaking his lips from yours to remove his shirt and your own.

You’re now both on the bed. You're leaning up slightly against the headboard as Bucky hovers over you. You only have your bra and underwear left on, Bucky is stripped down to his boxers. You can feel Bucky slowly gaining confidence, his hands more firm and sure where they touched you. He runs his hands up your body, sending shivers through you. He reaches your shoulders and hooks his fingers under your bra straps. He stops kissing you to rake his eyes down your body, following his hands as he slowly pushes the straps off your shoulders.

He slowly drags your bra strap down your arm, a trail of fire blazing on your skin as his fingers lightly trace your flesh. Without really realising you flip your hair over your shoulder, suddenly exposing the skin from your collarbone down to the edge of your breast where your bra cup was still loosely in place.

You see Bucky’s eyes narrow, staring at your skin. His fingers are then tracing back up your skin, stopping a spot just below your left collarbone. He circles one finger around the same spot gently. You suddenly realise what he’s looking at.

“This must be new” he muses. “Well new as in it wasn’t there when we were together in the 40s. I thought I’d seen all your scars already” he whispers. “What happened?” His voice takes a slightly more serious turn.

You sighed lightly, knowing this conversation wasn’t going to go down well. You avert your eyes, unsure of how to broach the topic.

“Y/n, what happend?” He pushes, concern coating his voice.

“It’s nothing…” you trail off whilst shrugging, flipping your hair back over your shoulder to cover the mark you were suddenly self-conscious of.

“Y/n” Bucky says more firmly as he pushes your hair back again, exposing the scar. He leans forward, his lips ghosting the mark on your chest, placing the most delicate of kisses to the old wound. “Please, please just tell me” he murmurs against your skin.

You feel tears sting your eyes but you knew you needed to be strong in this moment.

“It was you” you finally whisper.

Bucky’s lips freeze against your skin, his entire body going tense.

“What?” He breathes, almost inaudible.

“It was you” you whisper again. He sits up suddenly, his eyes locking with yours. You can see pure anguish and pain in his eyes, his own tears threatening to spill.

“Well it wasn’t you, exactly. It was the Winter Soldier” you try to reassure him quickly as torment spreads across his face.

“I did this to you?” He whispers, his voice cracking.

“No, no it wasn’t you, Bucky. I shouldn’t have said it like that. It was the Winter Soldier, you didn’t know what you were doing!” You stammer frantically as you see him close off from you. You reach for him but he sits further back, dodging your grasp, his gaze dropping, staring at nothing.

It had taken months for Bucky to finally allow himself to touch you again. He was still working on trusting himself, fearful that he would somehow hurt you, that the Winter Soldier would somehow break through again. Now you could see months of progress vanish in front of your eyes. He retreated into himself, his hands sliding off you, closing in around himself. You want to reach out to him, to hold him, but you knew it was probably best to just give him a second.

“When?” He finally whispers after a period of palpable silence. You stare at him in silence, you really didn’t want to tell him anymore. You didn’t want to see him withdraw any further into himself, away from you. You could feel the ache in your heart at the growing distance between you.

“When?!” He repeats more harshly after your don’t respond. You swallow nervously before answering.

“The day on the bridge. With Steve, Nat and Sam” you whisper. A shuddering sigh of realisation racks through him. Pain spreads across his face again, his fists balling impossibly tight. You can see another tear on the precipice of falling from his eye.

“You managed to hit both Nat and I in the same shoulder, it’s uncanny really” you try to joke lightly. The joke didn’t work, pain flashes across his face again, clearly even more upset that you reminded him about the fact he shot Nat as well.

“Shit” you mouth to yourself. “Sorry, it was a stupid joke" you mutter. “You know neither of us blame you” you reach forward to stroke his face gently. He freezes at your touch, but at least he doesn’t pull away.

Until he does.

He gets up, only shuffling a few paces before sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed. He tucks his knees up, hiding his face between his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. You feel your heart break seeing him like this.

You crawl off the bed, shuffling over to him. You sit on the floor next to him, as close as you can get without actually touching him.

“Bucky?” You venture quietly after a few minutes of silence. “Baby please. It’s okay. It wasn’t you. You didn’t know what you were you doing. You’re not that person anymore. I trust you completely. I trust you with my life, Buck” you tell him softly. He just shakes his head slightly.

You reach your hand out again, resting it ever so slightly on his arm. You keep mostly still, just lightly stroking him with your thumb. He doesn’t move away from your touch which you take to be a somewhat good sign. After another short while you shuffle yourself closer to him, wrapping your other arm around his shoulders.

To your mild surprise he actually lets you keep your arm on him. You don’t push your luck just yet, you simply stroke his arms with your hand, appreciating that he was allowing even this small amount of physical contact.

You wanted to reassure him again, tell him that you didn’t blame him in any way, that he had nothing to feel guilty about. But you could see that your words weren’t getting through to him. He was going to sit with this no matter what you said. So instead of trying to reassure him you did the next best thing and simply wrapped yourself a little bit tighter around him as he cried quietly. You stroked his head softly, placing the gentlest kisses all around his head and face, anywhere you could reach as he rocked in your arms.

“I’m sorry” he eventually whispers, lifting his head to look at you. His voice cracks as he whispers “please forgive me."

You cup his face in your hands, wiping his tears with your thumbs. You place the softest kiss to his lips, tasing the salt of both your tears.

“Bucky, you don’t have to apologise to me” you tell him gently. “It’s not about my forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself.” He takes another shuddering breath, taking in your words. He leans forward ever so slightly, placing his forehead on yours. He nods lightly.

You smiled to yourself. You knew he wasn’t going to forgive himself right away, perhaps not even for a long while. But at least it seemed like he was willing to try. You press your lips to his and feel warmth spread in your chest when he finally starts to reciprocate, moving his mouth against yours.

“Tell me there aren’t any other scars I’m responsible for” he breathes.

“Just this one” you guide his hand down your leg, directing him to the small scar below your knee. “Tripped over your army boots."

You see the smallest smile spread on his face.

“Yes, that one I remember."

Masterlist

A/N: mmmmm I think I really like this one and I hope you do too!🥰🖤✨

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tadashiwa · 4 years ago

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karasuno boys reacting to you sending nudes for the first time

features: hinata, kageyama, tanaka, nishinoya, tsukishima, yamaguchi, daichi, sugawara, & asahi

hinata shoyo

he absolutely loses his fucking mind

you innocently texted him "guess what i bought :D" and he obviously asked to see

and there u were. kneeling in front of a mirror. in white lingerie. and its so sheer you might as well be wearing nothing.

it's not hinata's first time seeing you in a position like this, but oh my god you sent him a picture just for him to keep all for himself of you looking like this—

he's painfully hard almost instantly, sitting back against his headboard and pulling his cock out of his shorts

instantly becomes a babbling mess and cant form thoughts

kageyama tobio

you didn't realize that oikawa was eyeing you like a man starved when you and kageyama ran into him

but kageyama sure did

and he wasn't gonna let it go

he didn't blame you, but he was just generally agitated until he dropped you off at home

but when his phone lit up with a text from you as he was brushing his teeth he didn't think twice about it, expecting a simple good night text

but he was met with a picture of you with one of his old jerseys on, the hem of the jersey in his mouth, your bare chest on display for him

kageyama forgot how to breathe

bestie if you dont answer his damn calls

tanaka

you and tanaka had been friends for a while, but you had just recently entered what one would call the "talking" stage

even when you were just friends tanaka never shied away from telling you how attractive he thought you were

and then one night you were feeling yourself, so you thought: fuck it

you texted him asking if he wanted to see this really hot picture you had taken of yourself

obviously he said yes

but what he was Not Expecting was a picture of you holding your tits in the shower, covered in soap bubbles, with your arm covering your nipples

tanaka LOST IT

he lives to serve u

nishinoya

you're sitting on nishinoya's bed as he throws a volleyball up and down at the ceiling

you're complaining about this boy you had been talking to, and nishinoya is trying his hardest not to just tell you how in love he is with you

and

and then

u have the nerve

to say

"and i sent him this really good nude and he literally just sent the thumbs up emoji—"

and then nishinoya is seeing RED

not only did this prick have the pleasure—no—PRIVILEGE—to see you naked, but he didn't even APPRECIATE IT

noya's just joking around when he says "i would NEVER—" and then he starts ranting about how to hype up a girl

but when you say "next time i'll send my nudes to you" and he can't tell if you're joking

but you're CLEARLY not joking when that night you send him a picture of your naked body on display—

he tries to play it cool but hes FREAKING OUT

tsukishima kei

you and tsukishima had been dating for a few weeks

he's clowning you because he thinks you're innocent as hell💔💔

so obviously you've gotta prove otherwise

so you send him a picture of the tattoo in between your tits

he's not even sure if you meant for the picture to be so fucking hot but there you both are and he's looking at your tattoo and he just wants to RUIN YOU—

and he's gotta make sure you know that

tadashi yamaguchi

god bless him

youre gonna actually cause him to drop dead one day

you two had done things with each other before and yamaguchi wasn't a stranger to your body

he obviously still short ciruits every time he as much as thinks about you like that though

one day, when your phone dies, you borrow his phone really quickly

but then a text from tsukishima comes through

"youre paranoid. y/n isnt gonna think u have a thing for thigh highs if u buy them a few pairs for their birthday"

and then u get an Idea.

u ordered a pair of thigh highs that night and poor yams has no idea whats coming

when they come in the mail you put on one of his shirts, the socks, and nothing else

you sit on your calves and bunch up the shirt in your hands and spread your legs juuuust enough for yamaguchi to see how turned on you are

you send him a picture and tadashi literally dies LMAO

he cant even express how bad he needs u

and u dont really grasp it until u see him again

good luck bestie

daichi sawamura

you and daichi had been together for a little over a year

he was away and you hadn't seen him for a while and you needed him

thankfully, the feeling was reciprocated

daichi made this clear when he texted you from his hotel room at 2am LMAO

my boy needs u expeditiously 💔🙏

he asks if you're awake because he wants to hear your voice

when he calls you and you can hear that his voice is a bit strained you know exactly whats going on

"daichi? you're touching yourself aren't you?"

"yeah. yeah, i am, i'm sorry i just need you so bad—" he whines

"don't stop." you state bluntly

and then daichi hears clothes rustling

and then you start moaning and whining and oh my fucking god

when you hang up to go to sleep he texts you thanking you

so you bless him again

rip daichi fr fr

Sugawara Koshi

you and suga were friends

yet you both knew that with how attracted you were to each other it was only a matter of time

and then one night you're both at a party and someone has the genius idea to play truth or dare

you and suga are both a bit tipsy and so obviously you agree

and then someone dares you to let suga give you a hickey

and then you're straddling suga's lap and he's sucking on the sweet spot on your neck and holy shit

he pretends he doesn't hear you whimper over the music and you pretend you don't feel him growing in his pants

eventually you both go home and by this point you're both sobered up

and holy shit is the hickey on your neck is big

you send a picture to suga to show him his work

but you intentionally make sure he can see your bare chest

asahi azumane

this fucking man

has NO IDEA what he does to you

he sends you a mirror selfie at the gym holding up a peace sign because its just a little thing that the both of you do

and his thighs look so. fucking. good.

and so you decide your boyfriend deserves a shot of your glorious thighs right back

so youre wearing one of his shirts and nothing else and lay on your stomach with your ass in the air

and you look so cute

and asahi almost drops dead where he stands from arousal

its what this gorgeous man deserves for living rent free in your head like this

authors note: this was fun :) send me requests!!!!

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kyotarou · 4 years ago

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one bed scenarios

characters: katsuki bakugou, tenya iida

plot: the students at UA are invited to a weekend training camp where they’re expected to get to the destination on their own. you and one other classmate don’t make it in time and have to stay at a motel. the issue? there’s only one bed.

warnings: mild swearing

part 2

Katsuki Bakugou

You and Bakugou decide to take the train together

He didn’t download the schedule or map cause he swore it was all in his head

You knew better and were about to board the right train when Bakugou told you it was the other one

Ends up with the two of you arguing at the station

He’s being stubborn so you follow his directions so he would shut up

You check the map on your phone once there’s service and oh- turns out it’s the wrong train after all

You let Iida know you and Bakugou will coming late and he starts lecturing you ofc

It’s getting late, so you and Bakugou get off at the first stop

You find a motel in the city for the night that’s fairly cheap and ask for a room

When you walk in, you realize ‘Fuck, I forgot to ask for two beds’

Bakugou’s like, “Ok since your dumbass didn’t get the right room, you can sleep on the floor and I’ll take the bed,” and you respond with, “Hell no, I don’t know what nasty shit is on that carpet.”

So you argue, again, then bring up the idea of sharing the bed since it’s a queen size so y’all should be able to sleep without touching each other

Bakugou’s about to blast your head off but he’s like FINE IG WE CAN MAKE IT WORK 🙄🙄

You both lie as far as possible from each other, super close to the edge of the bed, and manage to fall asleep

When you wake up you feel this heavy ass weight on your legs and chest

You open your eyes and almost scream cause Bakugou has his legs over yours, his arms flung across your body and his face is dangerously close to your ear

He’s drooling too

You lay there in shock until he wakes up, and when he does he jumps out of bed and starts yelling

“WHY DIDN’T YOU PUSH ME OFF?? DON’T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS DUMBASS.”

You get ready and leave the motel in awkward silence, walking back to the train station with your head down

Then, on the train he whispers, “Your breathing is really nice. It’s soothing.”

“Is that why you crawled all over me?”

“Shut up.”

You notice the red flush on his face and smile cause 1. He’s being super cute and 2. You’re gonna use it as blackmail against him

Tenya Iida

Tenya is very punctual, so he forces you to meet at the station super early, but due to a miscommunication you board the wrong train

He’s freaking tf out cause Present Mic was in charge of updating the schedule but he forgot to until the day of

“This is inexcusable behavior! Teachers should be on top of their duties, and because he wasn’t, we’re going to be late-”

“Tenya, it’s alright. I’m sure we’re not the only ones.”

Once you get off, Tenya gets a motel room but because he’s still upset about the train issue, it completely slips his mind to ask for two beds or a cot at least

When you get to your room, he dissolves and starts doing his arm chops and rambling

It takes him a while to regain his composure

Offers to sleep on the floor but you feel guilty cause motel floors are NASTY and shyly bring up the idea of sleeping together

Tenya has a freaking heart attack cause he’s not sure if you’re trying to do the deed with him or if you genuinely mean sharing the bed

You notice how flustered he is and explain that you just want to share the bed so no one has to roll around in carpet germs

It’s awkward laying next to him cause he’s a beefy boi and he doesn’t have his glasses on, so the distance between you two is blurry

He notices how tense you become when his arm brushes against yours

“Are you sure about this? I can handle being on the floor.”

“It’s fine, Tenya, let’s just get through the night.”

You manage to fall asleep, but being stuck on his back leads to nightmares for Tenya, so he starts squirming at 2AM, waking you up in the process

You swear your heart stopped when he grabs onto your arm like a baby and falls right back asleep, snoring softly

It’s impossible to push him off when he’s so freaking cute like this—plus, his warmth is comforting

When you both wake up, your legs are draped over his and your noses touching

Tenya’s eyes go wide and he can barely speak

Starts apologizing profusely

You check your phone and see that there’s time left before you need to leave

“Can we… stay like this for a little longer?”

“(Y/N), are you sure? We are classmates, we should always maintain a professional relationship-”

Shuts up when you hug him and rest your head on his chest

This boy is so touch starved omg- he melts into your touch immediately and rubs little circles into your shoulder

If it weren’t for the training camp, you would’ve stayed like that for hours, but Tenya being Tenya forces you to get up

Will ask to hold your hand on the train ride to camp

You say yes and also hold onto his bicep with your other hand

Please cuddle him some more tyvm 🥺

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maddieinwonder · 4 years ago

Text

A Lesson In Romance #7: False Start

Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Just a lot of awkward vibes hahaha

Word Count: 1.7k

Plot: Reader keeps getting caught in rom-com situations with Spencer Reid. This time, they try to confess their feelings.

A/N: I didn’t actually manage to include the definition of a False Start in the chapter itself, so I’ll add it at the end. No spoilers for now!

Masterlist | All chapters here!

-----------

It took you 24 hours to decide that you were going to do something about your feelings for the good doctor. Pretty quick, considering you were a living, breathing rom-com cynic. But as ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, once said: "The only constant in life is change".

Specifically, change happened after you woke up in your cute co-worker and dear friend's arms and you wanted nothing more than to get back into them as fast as possible.

But by the universal laws of working in the BAU, catching a break seemed to be the hardest when you actually wanted one.

Firstly, it was like every serial killer in the country decided to cancel their vacations simultaneously, swamping the team with urgent case after case. At this point, you were more familiar with the couch on the jet than your bed at home, and everyone was feeling the strain.

Secondly, if you weren't sleeping, you were usually out in the field chasing unsubs with Derek or Rossi. You had stopped holding out hope for being paired with Spencer — on account of your areas of specialty overlapping too much, and Hotch not being the type of leader to waste his resources — and as a result:

Thirdly, getting even ten minutes alone with the genius became an impossible task, and not for lack of trying either. At the start of the month, the two of you had tried to adapt your breakfast ritual to the road, but it always got interrupted mid-coffee order or even at the ding of the lift. Not that you and Spencer stopped trying, no, but your patience was wearing thin.

So you did something you hadn't done since you submitted your application to join the BAU — you prayed for a chance.

Because every day that you didn't admit your feelings to the doctor was another day fighting the compulsion to tell somebody else about them, and god only knows what a room full of profilers (and one nosy tech analyst) would do with that kind of information.

Then, out of the blue, the door of opportunity opened.

After two weeks of straight travel, the team had earned a well-deserved one night’s rest in your own beds before dealing with a local case, bright and early tomorrow morning. And since your flight landed at 2am and all the trains had stopped by then, this gave you the perfect shot to execute your plan.

Unfortunately, you forgot to take into account the most important factor — your nerves.

It didn't help that Derek had wolf-whistled in the carpark as the two of you walked off in the same direction, nor that Spencer immediately put your favourite album into the CD player out of instinct; an overly domestic action that made your heart beat even faster.

But it was when you arrived in front of his apartment building that you felt the worst of it. As you tried to summon the right words to your lips, your heart hammered in your chest and your thoughts jumbled themselves into nonsense.

"Are you ok?" Spencer asked, snapping you out of your anxious spiral instantly. "You don't look so well."

"I-I'm fine." Your fingers twitched nervously.

"Doesn't seem like it." He looked down at your hands, and you cursed your subconscious brain for giving you away. Then, he placed a hand over yours and your heart stopped.

"You're not alright, that's for sure, but it seems like it's just sleep deprivation." He assessed, bending slightly to look at your face. "You can't drive in this state. Do you want to come in?”

Your head snapped up to meet his gaze, ready to protest, but Spencer beat you to it. "Let’s go. You wanted to talk about something, right?" He called out, already one foot out of the car.

Before you could realise what was happening, you found yourself sitting on Spencer's couch holding a warm cup of tea.

This was the first time you were in his apartment. Yet, it was exactly what you thought it'd be like. Every wall was lined with bookshelves, filled to max capacity with books of every topic imaginable from neuroscience to philosophy. Those that didn't make it to the shelves were found in random stacks around his apartment, standing out against his forest green walls.

"Did you know that chamomile tea is a natural remedy for insomnia? In fact, it is commonly regarded as a mild tranquilizer. It's calming effects may be attributed to the antioxidant apigenin, which binds to specific receptors in your brain that initiate sleep and reduce anxiety." He explained, walking over with his own mug.

"I actually did know that." You smiled. The tea seemed to work its magic because you did feel relaxed, and you must have looked it too, because the worried frown disappeared off Spencer's face.

"Didn't know you were a tea person." You commented lightly, blowing the steam from your mug.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me." He replied mysteriously, and you raised your eyebrows.

Spencer's apartment was too quiet, no rumbling fridge or quiet radio playing in the background to make your awkward silence any less pronounced. It was then that you noticed he didn't have a TV. Somehow this fact didn't surprise you very much.

"You... you wanted to talk to me about something?" He broke the silence, looking down at the hot tea swirling in his mug.

Right. You were here to talk about your feelings. Your face flushed as you tried to summon your willpower, again.

"I wanted to tell you something—" You began shakily. "But before that, I just want to preface, we can ignore this entire thing if you don't agree. I mean, I really enjoy our friendship as it is, and I wouldn't want to do anything to affect tha—"

"Wait." Spencer interrupted urgently, before catching himself. "Sorry, um, before that, can I say something?"

"Um, ok, shoot." You replied meekly, trying to hide your relief behind a long sip of tea. There was a pause as he gathered his thoughts, and you might have been seeing things, but he looked almost... nervous?

"The day we met, I calculated the probability of meeting somebody that shared my exact coffee order and the result was almost one in a million.” He finally spoke, lifting his head to meet your gaze. “That probability decreased when I factored in working together, sharing the same interests, and... and how I enjoyed spending time with you more than with anybody else."

Spencer cleared his throat, a blush coming onto his cheeks.

"Ever since then... my life just started making sense. I know I’m a scientist, not a poet, and I could tell you all the statistics about relationships in the world, but when it comes to you...”

His cheeks were crimson now, as he ran his fingers through his hair. You had a feeling yours looked the same.

"I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I think you're beautiful and smart, and I have no idea what you see in me, but I'd really—"

Suddenly, both your phones buzzed violently against his coffee table, jolting you out of the moment. You leaned over in a trained motion, only to see exactly what you expected:

Garcia: No rest for the wicked, crime fighters. Conference room in 30.

Penny: No rest for the wicked, crime fighters. Conference room in 30.

You let out a sigh you didn't realise you were holding, and Spencer looked over at you, doe-eyed and nervous.

“The case?" He asked quietly.

There was a silence filled with words unsaid. "We should go." He said finally. "If we leave now, we can still make it on time."

You only nodded in response, more out of duty than desire, and gulped down the rest of your tea. The thought of what he was about to say burned down your throat.

Driving away from Spencer’s apartment was torturous. The doctor hadn’t said anything to you since he entered the car, only fiddling with his bag as he looked out the window. It was too dark to read his expression, but you wondered if he could still hear the way he called you “beautiful”, or whether the moment had already dissolved into the space between you.

Luckily, you didn’t need to wait long for an answer, as Spencer tugged on your sleeve before you exited the carpark, his face scrunched in worry.

"I really didn't mean for that to be so... weird. Can we talk about this again after the case?" He asked softly, and despite every semblance of logic left in your brain, you couldn’t stop the hope from blooming in your chest and you smiled.

That was when Spencer did something completely uncharacteristic. (You didn't know this at the time, but it was something that you would tease him about for a long time after.)

In one fluid movement, the doctor pulled you into a tight hug that elicited a squeak from you, but it only took a second for the initial shock to wear off before you relaxed completely into his warm touch. He took that as a sign to continue, burying his head into your shoulder and letting out a content sigh.

Unlike waking up to your bodies intertwined, nothing about this was a mistake. Not the way his fingers stroked your back peacefully, nor the way his curly hair tickled your cheek. You felt the stress of the past two weeks melt away in his embrace, and so did any coherent thought, except one: normal friends didn't hug each other like this.

Later when the two of you finally entered the conference room, miraculously still on time, nobody commented on the smiles plastered on your faces but everybody could tell. They were profilers after all.

But for the first time in awhile, you were just too happy to care.

-----------

Tag List:

@blue-space-porgs @nobutalsoyes @lady-loves-a-lot @queen-flower @oops-all-ajs @spottedzebrasinpartyhats @agentcarterisgay @totalmess191 @sapphic-prentiss @mellowalieneggsknight || @averyhotchner @amesandpineapples @willowrose99

Definition of a False Start here

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drabbles-mc · 4 years ago

Text

Five Times Angel Reyes Kissed You, and One Time You Kissed Him

Angel Reyes x Reader

Warnings: language, mention of death/funerals

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Okay I got this idea at like midnight last night and I’m SO GLAD that I didn’t lose it before being able to sit down and write it. I’m pretty hype about how this came up. We LOVE to see relationships evolve.

Angel Taglist: @queenbeered (If you want to be added just let me know!)

1.)

You were fifteen, sitting on the front steps of your porch. You were sobbing into your hands, wondering how you could feel so much pain when you hadn’t even taken a beating. First heartbreaks were the worst, or at least that’s what people had told you. Some said it was bound to happen eventually, after all you were young, but that didn’t make the pain go away. You were a teary, sniffling mess. You heard footsteps approaching you and you didn’t even bother to look up to see who it was. You didn’t care.

You felt an arm wrap around you and you heard Angel’s voice, “What happened? I’ll kick his ass.”

You looked up and managed what you could of a smile. You knew him only because he was your best friend’s brother. He was a few years older than you, but he had never treated you like a child. He treated you the same way he treated EZ—like an adult only smaller.

“It’s so fucking stupid,” you wiped the tears off of your face, “He’s not even that cute, right?”

He chuckled, nodding in agreement, “That’s right. You can do way better, Y/N. Fuck that guy.”

You sighed and leaned against him, “Do boys get less stupid as they get older?”

He laughed, “I’ll keep you posted, but so far, no I don’t think so. Sorry,” he squeezed you tight to him, “You gonna be alright?”

You took a deep breath and nodded, “Yea. It just, you know, it kinda blows right now.”

He nodded, “I get it,” he quickly kissed the top of your head, you could feel the pressure through your hair, “You’ll get through it, Y/N. If you change your mind about me kicking his ass, let me know. I’ll fuck up a fifteen-year-old. I don’t care.”

---

2.)

You were eighteen, coming down the front steps of your house in your prom dress. You and EZ had decided to go together as friends (as much as both your parents and his tried to insist that maybe it was a little more than that). You both wanted to have a good time and the only way you could be certain of that was if you skipped the drama of trying to find “real dates”. There were worse people to spend the night dancing with, anyway.

Somehow Angel had gotten suckered into being your guys’ chauffer. You were fairly certain it was their parents’ doing—they liked knowing what Angel was up to. He moaned and groaned about it but had gone and got his pickup truck washed in preparation for the big night. He put on a clean dress shirt for the occasion as well, so you knew that despite his sarcastic remarks, he was pretty into the whole thing.

You twirled, loving the way your dress fanned out around you as you did. EZ was leaning against the side of his brother’s truck, chuckling at your theatrics. The two of you posed for pictures, and after each set of parents had burned through at least a few rolls of film each, it was time to get going. Angel held his hand out to help you up into his truck.

When you placed your hand in his, he lifted and kissed the back of it with a laugh, “I will be your driver this evening, Hermosa.”

You laughed and gave an exaggerated courtesy in your gown, “Ah, I can’t wait, Señor.”

He chuckled as he helped you step up into the vehicle, expertly managing not to step on your own dress. He even double-checked to make sure that he didn’t shut any of the fabric in the door.

He nodded to both sets of parents, “I’ll be sure to have them home before midnight.”

---

3.)

You were nineteen, and calling him from a college party. EZ was away at Stanford and you didn’t know who else you trusted enough to come and pick you up and also not rat you out to your parents. You weren’t supposed to be at a party—you had lied and said you were staying at a friend’s dorm for a movie night.

“Angelito,” you laughed into the phone, “I need a huge favor.”

His voice was still laden with exhaustion and sleep as he answered, “What the fuck kind of favor do you need at 2AM, Y/N?”

“I need you to come pick me up from a party.”

“You kidding me? Call an Uber.”

You laughed, “I also need a place to crash. I know you have a couch that you’re not using in your living room.”

He sighed but you could hear him shuffling around, getting ready to come get you, “You good enough to ride on the bike? Or do I need to go get Pop’s truck?”

“I can ride!” your response came a little quicker than maybe it should have, but you were dying to have an excuse to ride on the back of Angel’s bike.

“Alright. Text me the address. I’m on my way now.”

He got there quicker than you thought he would. You were outside the house, waiting patiently for him on the front steps. You smiled as you jumped up to go and hug him, stumbling on your first few steps. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he hesitated for a moment before finally caving and hugging you back.

“You owe me for this,” he grumbled.

He handed you his helmet and helped you get on the back of the bike. You wrapped your arms tightly around his waist, keeping yourself flush up against his back as he took off. You had never experienced anything quite like the feeling of racing down the empty streets like that in the middle of the night.

You walked into his apartment and looked around as he locked the door behind you, “I put a pillow and blankets on the couch for you. I can go grab you a shirt and stuff to sleep in if you wait a second.”

You plopped down on the couch as he walked to his room to get you a few choices of sleep clothes. But as soon as your head hit the pillow and you felt the warmth of the blankets beneath you, you almost immediately fell asleep.

You were hanging onto your consciousness by a thread when you heard him chuckle. He pulled the blanket up over you and kissed your forehead softly, “Sweet dreams, you pain in the ass.”

---

4.)

You were twenty-one, and standing in front of Angel and the rest of his family, or rather, what was left of it, at his mother’s wake. You had made your way down the line, offering your condolences like they were going to make things any better for the three men in front of you. Angel was the last in the short line, and you could see it on his face that he desperately wanted to be anywhere else. He couldn’t escape though, not really.

You stepped in and hugged him tightly, “I’m so sorry, Angel.”

You could feel the tension in his body as he tried his hardest to hold back his tears, “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Can I do anything? Get you anything?”

“Could you, uh,” he cleared his throat, “grab my water bottle? It’s in the back room I fuckin’ forgot it.”

You nodded, “Yea I got you.”

You tried to make your way through the crowd of people with as little disturbance as possible. You knew that everyone loved the Reyes family, and Marisol especially, but even you were shocked at the number of people who had showed up for the wake. You had the feeling it was going to go well past the allotted time.

You appeared back by Angel’s side, trying to slip him his water bottle without disturbing the conversation he was having. You lightly touched his hand and gestured to the bottle by his feet, “Anything else?”

He shook his head, “No, thank you, Y/N.”

You pulled him into another hug, unable to stop yourself. You had spent a lot of time with EZ during the week leading up to the wake, but Angel had locked himself away. This was the first time you had really seen him since you heard the news and you felt like you were trying to make up for lost time.

“Anything you need,” you whispered, “You come find me, alright? I got you.”

He kissed your cheek and nodded as he pulled away, “Thank you. I, just, thank you.”

You thumbed the tears off of his face, giving him a small smile to let him know that he was going to make it through this. It was going to be a long, painful process, but he was going to get through it.

---

5.)

You were twenty-one, and crying on the front steps to Angel’s apartment building. You couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that your best friend had just been sentenced to spend twenty years in prison. Everything was happening so quickly around you and you felt like you couldn’t keep up.

You heard the sound of Angel’s bike and looked up. He saw you sitting on the front steps and his expression immediately fell. He had a feeling that you were going to end up at his place—he knew that you didn’t want to go home and face your family and all of the questions that they would have.

“I’m sorry,” you sniffed, “I didn’t know where else to go.”

He nodded, “Yea, I know the feeling,” he held out his arms, “C’mere, Y/N.”

You stood up and walked over to him and let him envelop you. Over the years he had made fun of you a lot for being so short, but in that moment you had never been happier to be so small. You were essentially wrapped up in an Angel blanket and for a few moments the world didn’t feel like it was crumbling around you.

“Come on up, I got beer in the fridge,” he offered what he could of a smile as he gestured for you to follow him upstairs.

You sat on his couch, twisting your hands in your lap as he went and got each of you a beer from the kitchen. He collapsed down next to you and handed you a bottle. You managed a small smile and thanked him before taking a long drink from it. The two of you sat there in silence, leaning against each other as you tried to process everything that had happened.

“I don’t have anything to say to make any of this shit any better, you know,” he finally said with a heavy sigh.

You nodded, “I know. I just needed to not be alone. And I couldn’t go home. Not yet.”

“I get it. You wanna crash here tonight?”

“If that’s alright?”

He smiled, “Like I could ever kick you out.”

The two of you spent most of the night not speaking to each other, just sitting next to each other on the couch letting episode after episode of your favorite shows play. You were leaning your head against his shoulder and every now and then he would look over at you to see if you had started to fall asleep yet.

“Want a change of clothes to sleep in?” he offered.

You nodded, “That’d be great.”

He went and grabbed one of his sweatshirts and tossed it to you, “This shit’ll be a dress on you.”

You stood up and started walking towards the bathroom to get changed, thanking him as you went. You knew that he didn’t have to be doing all of this, but he was anyway. It felt nice and that wasn’t something you had felt for a while.

When you came back out of the bathroom he had blankets and pillows on the couch for you. He pulled you into another hug and placed a kiss on your temple as he held you, letting you cry it out a little more before going to sleep. You wished that you could sleep like that, just to feel safe and protected in the chaos that was surrounding you now. He ran his fingers through your hair and all you could think was that you didn’t know he was capable of being so soft.

“If you need anything just yell, alright?”

You nodded, “Thank you, Angel.”

He winked, “I gotchu.”

---

1.)

You were twenty-seven and standing on the deck of the Mayans clubhouse, smoking a cigarette. You blew out the smoke, letting it disappear in wisps around you into the night sky. There was music and laughter and conversation drifting out to your ears from the open clubhouse windows and you smiled to yourself as you kept your eyes on the stars.

You heard heavy footsteps followed by the infamous sound of Angel sucking his teeth, “Ay, you shouldn’t be smoking that. Smoking kills, Querida,” he chuckled as he snatched the cigarette from between your fingers, “Let me finish it for you. To protect you.”

You laughed, shaking your head, “Yea, always looking out for me, huh?”

“Since the day EZ dragged your sorry ass over to our house when you were in like, fifth grade,” he laughed as he looped his arm around your shoulder.

“Thanks for the invite, by the way,” you nodded back to the clubhouse, “The guys seem pretty cool.”

He took a long drag from your cigarette and smiled at you, “I’m gonna have to bring you to every club party now, aren’t I?”

You laughed and playfully slapped his chest, “Only if you don’t want me to be sad.”

“Well,” he chuckled, “Can’t have that, can we?”

The two of you stood together in silence for a couple minutes. His arm was still wrapped around your shoulders and you leaned into his side, soaking up his scent and body heat. While he was glancing up at the sky you reached and snatched your cigarette back from him, laughing as you ran off to the opposite side of the deck to take a drag before he finished it off.

He laughed, walking over to you. He easily took it from your fingers and held his arm up so it was way out of your reach, “Whatcha gonna do now, Y/N? Grow an extra foot to get your smoke back?”

“If I take you out at the knee I won’t have to do anything like that,” you chuckled as you stood up on your tippy-toes to try and pull his arm back down.

He flicked the last of the cigarette over the railing of the deck, assuring that neither of you were going to be able to finish it. He turned back towards you with a smug grin on his face, “Hah! No taking out my kneecaps.”

You pushed him with both hands on his chest, but he still didn’t budge. He laughed, shaking his head at your attempt to be tough, “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

You stepped in close to him, getting as close to eye-to-eye as you were ever going to get with someone who was practically a foot taller than you. “I could easily make you stumble, Angel. Believe me.”

“No chance,” he shook his head with a smirk.

“Wanna bet?”

“Oh, definitely,” he laughed.

Before he could come up with another sassy remark you stood back up on your toes and pulled him down into a kiss. His eyes flew open wide and he stumbled a few steps back, but kept his arms wrapped around you so you stayed close to him, kept kissing him.

You pulled away, laughing as your entire face turned dark red, “Told you.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. If you didn’t know better you’d say that his cheeks were turning a little red too. “Alright,” he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close to him again, “that’s a loss I’ll gladly take.”

You smiled as you cupped his face, pulling him into another, much softer kiss. You could feel both of your hearts racing as he tried to keep you held as close to him as possible. You wrapped your arms behind his neck as you felt his hands slide down from your hips to your ass, and it made you smile into your kiss. You felt him chuckle his hands slid back up to your hips, and crept farther up your back.

Finally, you had to pull away to catch your breath. Angel had a smile plastered across his face and you knew that you did too. He reached up, gently pushing the hair back out of your face to get a better look at you.

“I could get used to this, Y/N,” he traced his thumb along your cheekbone.

You smiled, giving him a quick peck on the lips, “Yea, I think I could too.”

#mayans mc #mayansmc #mayans fx #mayans mc imagine #angel reyes #angel reyes x you #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes fanfic #5 times #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc

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pink-flame · 4 years ago

Text

Like You Could Love Me

So...the Angry Flower Squad was making me SO soft over gifs and @mamirugbee wanted porch fluff with kissing and I remembered that @thedeathdeelers and @missjoolee liked my idea of using this post as a Juke prompt and here we are. I wrote this from 12-2am so it’s quite possibly incoherent and I’m not checking for mistakes until tomorrow so take it for what it is, a late night labor of love. Enjoy! 💜

Julie hadn’t slept for almost 48 hours.

Her school was hosting a Los Feliz High After Dark event for the lower grades who didn’t get to attend prom. It was pitched as being just as exciting as the dance but in practice was known to be little more than a glorified sleepover in the school gym with PTA members for chaperones. Flynn had been determined that that year would be different, and had talked Julie into joining her on the planning committee.

The good news was that Flynn had a real flair for party planning and decorating when she was actually invested (see the difference between the dance they tried to forget and the way she had helped Julie’s dad throw together an epic garage party in less than 24 hours). So by the time Julie and Flynn and the other volunteers were done the gym was fully immersed in a carnival theme full of cute booths filled with potential activities and cute backgrounds to take pictures in front of. It was definitely an improvement over the year before which had been an under the sea theme which had consisted mostly of a few blue streamers and Mr. Weaver walking around in an inflatable Nemo costume.

The bad news was that it had taken a lot longer than they had anticipated and they hadn’t fallen into bed the night before the event until close to 2am. Julie hadn’t been able to sleep even after she slipped into bed next to Flynn and heard her best friend start making the small whistling noises that indicated she was out cold. Julie had been kept up with thoughts of what her bandmates were up to without her and if they had lingered a little longer on what Luke in particular was doing right then, well that wasn’t that surprising.

She loved Alex and Reggie but neither of them had attempted to hold her hand and remarked on their “interesting little relationship” or suddenly developed the ability to touch her and instinctively joined her in reaching out to gently cradle the other’s face.

No, Luke was different, not that she wanted to say that in front of him unless she was sure he felt the same overwhelming feelings she did Oddly enough she was much more concerned about the possibility that he didn’t than she was about the fact that he was still..well, a ghost. It wasn’t that she was unaware that his ghostly status could lead to heartache for her later on, of course she was. It just didn’t seem so important suddenly. After what had happened with her mom, what had almost happened with the guys only a couple of months ago...anything could happen at any time. Tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed anyway so why deny herself happiness now if she could have it? If she could have it. Because that was still the question.

Because Luke obviously liked her but did he like her? That sounded so juvenile but to call it anything else...well, that was really scary. Evil ghosts and the looming possibility of their return had nothing on the insecurity that came with not knowing exactly how the boy you lo...liked felt about you.

So Julie didn’t get much sleep that night, Flynn’s alarm seeming to go off only moments after she finally drifted off. She had dragged through school that day, trying to match Flynn’s excitement for the night’s upcoming festivities though her own enthusiasm had quickly drained out of her altogether along with her energy. In the end it had been as fun a night as it could be with Julie spending most of it in a semi-exhausted haze. She and Flynn had played some of the games they had set up, and danced to the music they both agreed would have been better if it had been either DJ’d by Flynn or performed by Julie’s band, and when Carrie had sneered something about how tacky the theme was even that had been half hearted and without any real bite.

So it was a pretty good night all things considered and Julie was in a good mood despite her complete exhaustion by the time Flynn’s mom dropped her off early the next morning. Ok, so maybe part of her good mood was actually because of her exhausted state by that point as she found herself feeling giddy and her mind had gone sort of pleasantly fuzzy. That was her excuse for how she found herself half-skipping up the path towards her front door, singing to herself.

We create...perfect harmony

“Somebody had a good time.”

Julie’s head snapped up to take in the figure of the boy who leaned against the pillar of the porch in front of her, a small smile bordering on a smirk tugging at his lips.

Luke.

What was he doing there?

Was he waiting for her?

She had to play it cool.

She had to be normal.

She had to not give away all the feelings that had been swirling around inside of her for the last couple of months since they first gained the ability to touch each other whenever they wanted and promptly both became too awkward to touch each other at all.

She had to…

“I missed you,” She blurted.

One of Julie’s hands flew up to cover her mouth as she took the last few steps up onto the porch, trying and failing to ignore the way Luke’s eyes widened even as that vaguely infuriating smirk grew larger.

“I didn’t mean that,” She insisted once her hand had dropped back to her side. “I mean...I didn’t not mean it but...I just meant it would have been fun if you could have come. Any of you. All of you. Um...yeah.”

Luke let her dig herself deeper, waiting until her stream of words had come to a complete stop. When they finally dried up he pushed off of the pillar with one of his signature little bounces, letting his momentum carry him to within a step of where she stood awkwardly on the porch.

“Did someone spike the punch at this dance?” He asked her, amusement clear in his tone.

Julie shook her head a little too fiercely, indignant despite the fact that she couldn’t exactly blame him for suspecting that she was drunk.

She felt a little drunk.

Not that she knew what it was like to be drunk but she was pretty sure it was similar to this.

Not the point.

“It wasn’t a dance it was a school sanctioned slumber party,” She corrected, focusing all of her energy on not slurring her words or otherwise embarrassing herself. “And nobody spiked anything. And actually nobody drinks punch anymore. Just so you know.”

Luke held up both hands as though he were surrendering but that smirk of his was impossible to deny at this point, a fact that both made Julie incredibly irritated and simultaneously fighting the urge to lean up and kiss it right off his stupid face.

Ok, that was not helpful.

“Not a dance, no punch. Got it,” Luke said, his voice just soft enough to keep her annoyance more or less at bay.

“Why are you out here anyway?”

Julie hadn’t meant to ask that but it felt like any filter her brain generally had was long gone at this point.

Luke tilted his head slightly and reached up to scratch at the back of his neck.

“Oh, you know, just taking in the view.”

Julie frowned skeptically.

“Taking in the view?”

“Yeah,” Luke said, gesturing out at the plant filled yard. “Just communing with nature you know? Honestly, I forgot you were even out last night.”

“Oh.”

Julie dipped her head a little so she didn’t have to look directly at Luke as disappointment rushed through her. She was pretty sure she was too tired to keep the evidence of that emotion from being completely visible. She was so frustrated with herself for caring at all. He wasn’t her boyfriend after all. Why would be be waiting for her?

“Julie.”

She reluctantly raised her head to meet Luke’s gaze which was fixed insistently on her. His smirk had fallen away leaving behind a look at once more open and somehow harder to read at the same time.

“I’m kidding,” He told her as he took a half-step closer to her, so close that she had to tilt her head up further to maintain eye contact. “I was waiting for you.”

“Oh,” She said again, very aware that she seemed to have lost the ability to say anything else.

She reached deep down inside and mustered up the strength to pull out one further word.

“Why?”

His eyes somehow managed to soften even more and his voice was oddly breathy when he answered.

“Because I missed you too.”

And Julie knew that the most prudent thing to do was tuck that phrase away as something warm, and happy and precious to examine more closely when she had slept and had the mental prowess to actually determine what it meant for their interesting little relationship.

She knew that.

But she was exhausted not only from lack of sleep but from months spent questioning where they stood. She was happy to hear him say that he had missed her, of course she was. But she also found herself feeling strangely...angry.

How dare he look at her with those big soft eyes and stare at her like that if he wasn’t ever planning on actually putting her out of her misery by telling her how he felt or didn’t feel?

“I wish you wouldn’t look at me like that,” The words burst out of her without her permission.

Luke was clearly taken aback by her words, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,’ She hesitated, just enough awareness seeping back in to make her realize what a truly stupid thing she was about to say. “Like you could love me.”

She watched as a whole range of emotions rushed over his face too quickly for her to decipher exactly what all of them were.

“Julie…”

“Forget I said anything,” Julie interrupted, turning towards the front door with every intention to flee the situation. “I’m just really tired.”

“Julie!”

He said her name more forcefully that time and she froze. She didn’t turn back to face him though, the pounding in her chest and the heat spreading across her face giving her all the incentive she needed to keep her head facing away.

Luke wasn’t having any of that though.

He reached out to gently tug her back towards him, one hand settling on her cheek while the other rested on her waist.

If she hadn’t been blushing before she certainly was now.

“Do you not want me to look at you like that because...because you don’t feel the same?”

Luke’s voice shook a little as he gave voice to that question, his thumb seeming to stroke across her cheek without his permission.

Julie was reeling, everything feeling surreal and dreamlike anyway because of her lack of sleep but when combined with Luke’s gentle actions it felt more and more unreal. She couldn’t help but remember the last time he had touched her face, how they had clutched at each other thinking it was the only chance they would ever have. Now they had new chances every day and they had been wasting them.

Why had they been wasting them?

“Wait...feel the same as what? Feel the same as who?” She asked as her brain finally caught up with what he had actually said.

He visibly swallowed and she took some comfort in the fact that apparently he was nervous too.

“The same as I feel,” He paused. “About you. I...I love you, Julie. And if that makes you uncomfortable I never have to say it again, ok? But it’s how I feel and I just wanted to say it. Once or whatever.”

“But…” Julie felt a giggle rising up inside of her as exhaustion and the pure absurdity of the moment settled in. “But I love you too.”

Luke’s thumb froze on her face as his eyes lit up with something close to hope.

“You do?”

Julie nodded, the giggle finally bursting out of her only to be met with a grin from Luke so radiant she wished she could capture it in a photo to look at later.

“You love me,” Luke said again as though he needed to confirm beyond any shadow of doubt.

“I love you,” Julie repeated agreeably. “And you love me?”

Luke nodded, bouncing a little on his heels as he somehow managed to step even more into her space.

“I love you.”

“Well…” Julie sighed happily. “Well, that’s great then.”

Luke let out a bark of laughter that probably would have been loud enough to bring her dad to the porch if anyone but her had been able to hear it.

Before she had time to remark on how obnoxiously loud he could be he was crowding her back until she bumped into the pillar he had been leaning against when she got home. The moment her back made contact with its firm surface he was bringing his other hand up until he was cupping both of her cheeks. She barely had time to adjust to that very much welcome sensation before he was lowering his head and aligning his lips with hers, pressing them together in a chaste peck that was still enough to send her heart racing. He started to pull back as if to gauge her reaction but she was having none of that. She had been waiting for this for so long and as previously established she had absolutely none of her usual ability to deny herself what she wanted.

And what she wanted was her hands on Luke Patterson right then.

She reached up and latched one hand on the back of his neck and the other threaded deep into his hair giving it a little tug just because she could. She had been wanting to touch him so badly ever since that night in the garage when she’d almost lost him and she’d been wanting to touch his dumb, messy hair ever since “I’m Luke by the way”. So she did.

He let out a little pleased sound that was cut off when she stretched up to press her mouth back to his, this time with twice as much force and no intention of separating anytime soon. To his credit he took the hint pretty fast, his hands dropping from her face to wrap around her waist tugging her body to press against his as he moved his lips insistently against hers. And wow...that was something, the sensation of almost all of her pressed up against almost all of him.

He wasn’t warm, not exactly, but he wasn’t cold either like she had feared he would be. It was more like his body was mirroring back exactly her own temperature, leaving it hard to determine where one of them began and the other ended when her eyes were closed as they currently were.

Or maybe that was just them.

Maybe it was like that quote she always saw floating around online about souls being made of the same stuff.

When she was well rested and thinking rationally she had always rolled her eyes a bit at stuff like that but now...she was beginning to see the appeal.

Julie massaged absentmindedly at the back of his neck as she drew his lower lip into her mouth, the sound he made in response enough to have her pulling back with a giggle.

“Come back here,” He mumbled, his lips chasing hers even as she turned her face away leaving him to press soft, wet kisses to her cheek.

“Now you sound drunk,” She told him, turning back to face him and looping both arms around his shoulders. “My dad will be up soon and I have no idea how I’d explain...this...when he can’t even see you.”

Luke groaned as he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers.

“You’re right.”

“I’m right,” Julie echoed.

It was true but that didn’t mean she was happy about it.

They stayed like that for another minute or so, just enjoying being this close to each other with nothing to hide. They might have stayed like that longer but Julie suddenly let out a yawn she couldn’t contain directly into Luke’s face.

Luke pulled back sharply but the soft smile that seemed to always be reserved just for her remained in place.

“You need to get some sleep,” He told her firmly.

She wanted to argue but all that came out was another yawn.

Ok, so there was no arguing with that.

“Goodnight,” She told him, suddenly feeling shy as she backed towards the front door wanting to keep him in her sight just a little longer.

Luke gestured around them to the soft light spilling around her yard.

“Good morning,” He corrected with a grin.

Never one to let him have the last word, certainly not when she was too tired to be embarrassed, Julie leapt forward to press one final lingering kiss on his lips, retreating before he could do more than return the pressure.

Julie backed towards the front door, the grin now firmly on her face and a rather dumbstruck one adorning his.

“Band practice later,” She reminded him. “Don’t be late.”

Then she slipped into the house and up to her bed, incredibly tired and pretty sure of exactly what she would be dreaming of.

#I blame the #angry flower squad #for this #and also my other friends who encourage me to see juke everywhere #you know you are #and I love you for it #feels so good to write dumb fluff honestly #Juke #Jatp #my fics #fanfiction

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fbfh · 4 years ago

Text

magnus chase relationship and intimacy hcs

I genuinely found zero magnus hcs and it made me really sad

Also might not be as in character as my hoo posts cause I haven’t finished the series my library is closed don’t come for me-

As with all steamy/nsfw works, all characters are aged up to 18+

Warnings: moderate descriptions of ptsd symptoms and emotional recovery,, also like boinking and dicks obvs

1.6k words uwu

‘,:)

So he absolutely definitely has ptsd

I don’t remember norse demigods being mentioned as having adhd and dyslexia so correct me if I’m wrong lol

I mean his mom was brutally murdered, he was fucking homeless, then he was killed and taken to valhalla

So yeah

Ptsd

He’s really defensive and jumpy at physical contact for a while

But he’s also incredibly touch starved

He’s super whipped for you

So it makes him really frustrated when he wants to be affectionate and vulnerable with you but he just,,, can’t

He has a lot of emotional walls up too for obvious reasons

You have to have really clear communication with him

Which you do,, and he appreciates it a lot

You baby step into affection and intimacy

And let him take the lead a lot

It takes a while

But after a bit he gets these bursts of affection where he’ll cuddle and make out with you for like

Five minutes or less

Then it starts to feel weird again

You try to do small stuff like hand holding or blowing him a kiss or putting your head on his shoulder to help melt that ice

And it works

It goes from feeling weird, to weird but nice, to nice but kind of weird, to nice enough to ignore the weird part

As soon as he can be,,, he is an affectionate fiend

He likes to bear hug you a lot

He keeps a hand on your cheek or jaw line or the back of your neck when you kiss a lot

He still gets a little weird about his back or stomach or neck being touched which you totally understand

So you kiss his shoulders and collarbones and run your hands over his chest and arms a lot

Once he had a really bad dream and couldn’t sleep cause he didn’t feel safe bc

~‧₊˚; *‧.₊˚ flashbacks fucking suuuuuuck ~‧₊˚; *‧.₊˚

So you played some home renovation show and spooned him and whispered

“It’s okay, I’ve got your back”

He didn’t have anymore nightmares that night

He really likes back hugs after that, as long as he knows it’s you behind him

He gives really nice kisses

It’s like a big full kiss

Idk how else to describe it but it’s very unique to him

He’s super protective over you still in a healthy way

He’s super fuckin pansexual and you can pry that from my cold dead hands

So he has a lot of hoodies and denim jackets

And bracelet stacks and weird dad thrift store shirts

And you can get him more of these things no matter how many he has and he will love it an equal amount

Which is a lot

He gets kind of insecure and feels bad about all his weird symptoms bc he minimizes what he’s been through a lot

It’s kind of a why can’t I just get over it and be normal feeling

You remind him a lot that it’s okay and his feelings and experiences are valid and he’s safe now

He needs to hear that a lot

Once a lot of that ice has been broken he gets really touchy really fast

You two were just like

Chilling on the couch watching a movie or something

And he nuzzles into your side to cuddle

So you lay down a little more and he rests his head on your chest

You keep watching the movie like that for a while

He props himself up and just kind of looks at you for a minute

He can’t remember feeling this warm before he met you

And now he feels really really warm

And tingly

You’re about to look over and ask if he’s alright when he just

Presses his face into your neck and starts kissing you

You let out this breathy flustred little laugh he’s never heard before and he wants to make you make that sound again

He kisses up to your face and his hair is all in his eyes

So you brush it out of the way and tuck it behind his ear and his face nuzzles into your hand

He bites back a moan

You end up making out a lot

Which leads to,, other things

You don’t question it or ask where that came from

You just give him a lot of love and reassurance

Once he feels comfortable,,,, I hope you’re ready bitch

Cause you’ll be under him

And on top of him

A lot

Like a lot lot

He doesn’t have a lot of experience so he likes it when you take the lead

Big fan of showering together

I almost fucking forgot

He thinks you look hot in everthing obvs

But if you wear his boxers

He goes apeshit

If you wear bras he likes the unlined sheer ones best on you

He also thinks you look really nice in boyshorts and cheekies

Esp the invisible microfiber ones

He likes how soft they are and how they just kind of seamlessly glide over your hips

If you play with his hair he practically starts purring

If you tug it really gently he moans

Just thought you should know that

Things get really intense in a good way with him

He gets very caught up in the heat of the moment

Has broken the bed before

And would do it again

Blitz and hearth almost walked in on you two cause they heard a loud crack and thought someone broke in

It was a very very close call

You laughed about it a lot later

He also likes things to be really soft and fluffy

So sleepy morning sex is definitely in his vocabulary

When he gets more comfortable he loves when you rest your head on his tummy and he can play with your hair and touch your shoulders

He also likes when you have your hand resting on his lower back

He finds it really grounding

Gives a lot of back hugs

Sometimes his head is resting on your head or shoulders

Sometimes he’s sucking on your neck

Just kinda depends yk

Really really likes it when you straddle him

Esp when you play with the hem of his clothes

You really really like to straddle him too

It’s a nice seat if you get what I’m sayin

Kind of wants to have shower sex with you but is also really scared of slipping and getting hurt

Settles for romantic bubble baths instead

Kind of stubbly, esp in the morning

It’s really cute

But kind of ouchie on more,,, sensitive areas

He’s usually fine staying a little stubbly, unless he’s planning to surprise you

You get a little excited when you see him shaving extra carefully

He sees you staring and just kind of looks you up and down and winks

Alksdjafskfja

He likes having his hair longer

So do you

So you show him different ways to do little buns and stuff to keep it out of his face and stop it from getting tangled when he sleeps

Ngl you haven’t lived until you’ve seen magnus hard in his boxers kneeling over you hastily throwing up his hair so you can have some fun

That image is thankfully burned into your retinas for all eternity

You get palpitations thinking about it

You’re the only one allowed to play with his hair or call him maggie/mags

He sometimes borrows your scrunchies and it’s really really cute

You end up with this little routine of swapping them when they stop smelling like the other person

If you don’t wear scrunchies you get him some and he thinks it’s adorable

You also steal them and swap them out when they don’t smell like him anymore

He loves having picnics outside with you

Especially to go stargazing

Yeah rooftop picnics are a thing

Plus people can’t really see what you’re doing and no one really goes up there so uh

As long as you can stay quiet you’re never bored

Sometimes when you’re stargazing his hand will just kind of gradually go from resting on your hip to wrapping his arms around you and having you lean against his chest

You sometimes raid the fridge together in the middle of the night

You took him to mcdonalds at like 2am once

It was not the last time that happened

Totally the type to love getting matching pj bottoms with you

Really loves it when you hold his hand with both of yours

It makes him feel really loved and masculine in a good healthy way and generally good

On days when he just Needs a Distraction you try any hobby or activity you can get your hands on

His favorites so far are painting each others nails, random online flash games like papa’s, finding the best climbing trees (weather permitting), and binge watching and reviewing the weirdest shows and movies you can find

Including but not limited to flava of love, josie and the pussycats in outer space, lightning point, and clone high

The movies are usually really low budget, or questionable teen romance movies like twilight, sierra burgess is a loser, the kissing booth etc.

You still quote clone high to this day

He’s very excited for the reboot me too, magnus, me too

Doesn’t stop clowning on TJ bc of it

TJ has no fucking idea what he’s talking about

“For the last time Magnus, I’m just named after him. I’m not a clone. I don’t know John Kennedy or Abraham Lincoln, and how could I possibly know Cleopatra??? Where are you getting this from, you understood this like a week ago-”

He really likes just kind of hugging you from behind and smooching wherever he can and swaying back and forth

Tells you he loves you a lot

Really really grateful you’re in his life

Does everything he possibly can to be the best boyfriend

Cause you deserve it

Did i mention he loves you a lot lot lot

Cause he really does

Treat him right, give him a lot of love

He also blushes really easily shhh

#magnus chase #magnus chase x reader #magnus chase headcanons #magnus chase dating would include #magnus chase smut #mcatgoa

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hercleverboy · 4 years ago

Text

miss you, love you

spencer reid x reader

summary ↠ spencer never came home from the case.

category ↠ angst

warnings/includes ↠ major character death, depression, funerals.

word count ↠ 2.7k

“My heartbreak is grief that comes in waves, gruelling, stealing appetite and sleep alike.” — Angela Abraham

Ring

“Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Spencer Reid. I can’t come to the phone right now, so leave me a message and I’ll get back to you.”

Y/N stared down at her phone in her hands. She listened as the dial tone rang out, before ending the call and dialling again.

“Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Spencer Reid-“

She wondered if she was insane, dialling same number over and over just so she could hear his voice again.

It had been 3 days since Spencer had left for the case. It was a more local one, so he wasn’t going to be thousands of miles away this time. That didn’t lessen the worry that consumed her whenever he left the house. She knew how dangerous his job could be, and while she knew he could handle himself, and that the team would protect him with their lives, she couldn’t help but worry. Spencer knew she worried, but he was always quick to reassure her that he would always come back to her. Before, he’d admit, he could be reckless in the field at times. However, that was before he met her, before he fell in love with her, before she became his wife on a warm evening last July. He used to come home from rough cases to a cold and empty apartment, left to tend to his cuts and scratches alone with his thoughts. But now, he had someone waiting for him to come home. He had a family, someone who depended on him, who needed him.

So he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t be so reckless, that he would always come home to her.

When he’d left for the case a few days ago, for what would be the last time, she made sure to say goodbye the same way she always did. (Though now she found herself wishing she’d said more.)

“Thank you for making breakfast baby, but I gotta go!” Spencer had exclaimed, rushing to throw his satchel over his shoulder and grab his coat. He shoved the last bite of his blueberry pancake in his mouth before moving to kiss Y/N’s cheek, then scrambling to the door.

“Spence!” She called after him, making her way to the front door, where Spencer had stuck his head back inside the door to see why she’d called him. “You forgot something.”

He gave her a confused look, patting down his pockets to check he had everything. “Did I? I’ve got my phone, my car keys-“

Y/N cut him off by pressing her lips to his, and Spencer melted into it, figuring that the telling off he’d get from Hotch for being late was worth it to spend a few more minutes with her.

“I love you. Be safe.” She whispered against his lips and he smiled, pecking her on the lips again quickly.

“I promise, Mrs Reid. I love you too.”

And then he was gone.

That was the last time she would see her husband alive.

She remembered the day vividly. The day she’d always dreaded would come.

It was JJ who had called her at 2AM, sobbing down the line.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m-“

“JJ? What’s wrong? Oh god, is it Spence? Is he okay?”

JJ had just cried harder at the question, begging her to come to the hospital. Y/N didn’t take the time to question her, instead pulling on her shoes and grabbing her car keys. She drove quickly to the hospital, tears clouding her vision. When she got to the hospital, she asked the receptionist for Spencer Reid, and she’d told her he was on the second floor. She’d taken the stairs, far too anxious to stand in the elevator. When she rounded the corner she was met with her husbands team, standing in front of the room she assumed was his.

Hotch noticed her first. “Y/N-“

“Where is he?” She asked, the tears slipping from her eyes.

“Y/N please, just let me explain-“

“I said where is he, Aaron? Where’s my husband?”

“Y/N-“

“I swear to god if you don’t tell me what’s going on-“ Her voice caught in her throat as she finally glanced over into the room that the team stood in front of, almost as though they were shielding her from what was inside. On the bed lied a body, covered by a white sheet. A still, unmoving body.

“Y/N-“

“I need to see him.” She murmured. JJ came toward her, placing her hand on Y/N’s arm.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Y/N-“

“I said I need to see him.” She spat coldly, harshly shrugging JJ’s hand away.

Hotch led Y/N into the room and JJ followed, closing the door behind them. It was Hotch who gently pulled back the white sheet to reveal Y/N’s greatest fear.

Spencer.

Y/N didn’t recognise that the heartbroken scream that filled the room was coming from her lips until Hotch’s arms wrapped around her, to stop her from falling to the floor as her knees buckled beneath her. She sank to the ground in Hotch’s grasp as the sobs ripped from her throat. The pain was unimaginable. It felt as though someone had ripped her heart from her chest. Like it had been torn from her and crushed in front of her eyes.

She couldn’t b r e a t h e.

She whimpered out incomprehensible words as she wept. “Please. Please, no. Not him. He promised. He promised me.”

JJ had to clasp a hand over her mouth to stop herself from sobbing aloud as she watched the heartbreaking scene before her. She remembered how she felt when she thought Will had died in the bank, how she wondered how she would live without him, how she would ever breathe again without the love of her life by her side. She couldn’t begin to comprehend the pain Y/N felt.

Hotch attempted to soothe the wailing girl in his arms, but it did nothing. He recalled how he felt when Haley died, and his heart ached at the thought of Y/N suffering the same unbearable hurt that he did. Whilst he was heartbroken at the death of the BAU’s youngest member, he was easily the most emotionally well-put together at the moment. Garcia, Morgan and JJ were absolutely inconsolable. Emily sat in the waiting room chair in a state of shock as silent tears trembled down her cheeks. Rossi sat next to her, his head in his hands as he cried.

Y/N trembled in Hotch’s arms, her entire frame shaking as she wept. Hotch’s eyes met JJ’s, and he signalled for JJ to pull the sheet back over Spencer, so she didn’t have to look anymore.

As if that mattered.

As if the image wasn’t already burned into her brain.

Eventually Hotch pulled Y/N up to stand, still holding her close to him as she relied on him to stop them from both collapsing to the ground again.

“I’m gonna get Derek to take you home, okay Y/N?” He whispered, attempting not to alarm her. She still panicked, shaking her head profusely as she whimpered.

“No, no. Aaron I can’t leave him here. He’s all alone, please.” She begged, but she ultimately knew Hotch was right.

She allowed herself to be taken to Derek’s car. He took her back to the house (Y/N could hardly call it a home anymore), and parked up outside it.

Y/N made no move to get out of the car. Derek turned to her, the woman his best friend loved. Derek wouldn’t tell Y/N this, but in his last moments Spencer had made him promise that he would take care of her If something happened to him. And Derek would keep that promise if it was the last thing he did.

“Y/N we have to go inside.” He tried gently, and watched as the tears still fell from her red eyes.

“How did It happen?” Her voice was cold and numb.

“I’m not going to tell you that-“

“Derek please. I need to know.” She choked out, her eyes meeting his.

“He jumped in front of a bullet to save the life of a little girl.”

It only made Y/N sob harder. Her husband had died giving his life for a young girl. She didn’t know how that made her feel.

Derek got out of the car, coming over and opening the door for Y/N. She nodded to him gratefully as he helped her out of the car, her shaky hands grabbing onto him to give her something to hold onto. “Will you stay for a little while? I can’t be alone, not here.” She cried, and he nodded, holding back a cry of his own.

“Of course I will.”

The house felt cold and empty. Spencer and Y/N had purchased the home shortly after getting married, with promises of raising their family here. As they came in through the front door, Y/N stared at the battered pair of Spencer’s converse that were lying by the door.

He’d never wear them again.

As she looked around the rooms that she once found so much comfort in, but now felt so suffocated, she noticed how his things were everywhere. His books scattered around the living room, his suits still hung in the wardrobe, his toothbrush sat by the sink.

He was still everywhere she looked.

Derek had stayed for a few hours, trying to get Y/N to eat and sleep before he left. As soon as the door had closed behind him, Y/N sunk to her knees, collapsing in on herself. She’d never felt a pain so intense, so all-consuming. Her chest burned and she begged and she prayed for it all to be a sick, twisted nightmare. That she’d wake up in bed, in Spencer’s arms like she was supposed to be, and he’d soothe her with his calming voice, his large hand gently rubbing her back.

“It was just a nightmare baby. You’re okay, I’m here. Nothing will ever hurt you as long as I’m here.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, pinched herself a hundred times because she just couldn’t accept that any of this could be real, that she would have to face the world without him by her side.

She realised then that she didn’t know how to live in a world where Spencer Reid doesn’t exist.

The team called, but she never picked up.

“Hi there, sweet girl, it’s Penelope. I just wanted to check in. I stopped by your house again, and I noticed you haven’t taken in any of my baskets. It’s okay, I left you another one today. You like cashews, right?”

“Hey, it’s Derek. Please just send me a text letting me know you’re still there. Cause you know I’ll break down that door if I have to.”

“Y/N, it’s JJ. I just wanted to remind you that the funerals on Monday. We really hope you’ll come, but we understand if you can’t. I’m always here if you need to talk.”

Y/N just listened as the the dial tone rang out after JJ’s voicemail. She was sat up against the wall of the living room, her knees to her chest as she stared at the phone that sat on the floor before her. She hadn’t showered in weeks, and she hadn’t eaten in god knows how long. None of that stuff seemed important to her, really. She noted how JJ had reminded her that Spencer’s funeral was on Monday. At first she didn’t want to go. She wasn’t sure she could handle it. All these people who were probably going to be there, talking about how they missed him, as If they’d cared about him while he was here. Though she knew she owed it to her husband. She had to be strong enough to go. So, she pulled herself up and forced herself to shower for the first time in a long while.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat on the shower floor, her tears mixing with the water that fell on her face.

She dried herself off and dressed herself for bed, knowing she had to try and get some sleep before Monday. When she opened up the wardrobe in search of her pyjamas, her eyes lingered on his clothes that were nearly hung and stacked on his side of the wardrobe. Her lip quivered. Up until then, she hadn’t dared to touch any of his things. The half drunk coffee was in his favourite mug was still sat on his bedside table. She knew it would start to smell soon but she couldn’t bring herself to move it. His shoes that laid scattered in their hallway from where he’d thrown them off one night were still in the same place he’d left them. She brought her hand out to gently touch the fabric of one of his hoodies. She tenderly took the fabric from the hanger, bringing it up to her nose as she inhaled deeply.

She let out a cry.

It still smelled like him.

She pulled the hoodie over her head, watching as it fell to her knees. He always was so much taller than her.

She curled up in bed that night, the scent of him calming her, lulling her to sleep.

It was the best sleep she’d gotten in weeks.

When Monday inevitably came, Y/N had called JJ to ask for a lift to the cemetery. JJ sounded surprised but glad at Y/N’s request.

As they watched her husband be lowered into the ground, Y/N couldn’t stop the tears that fell from her eyes. JJ held her hand tightly throughout it, comforting her as she cried. Y/N couldn’t say it then but she was so thankful for the teams support. If it weren’t for them, she’d be doing this alone and that would be even more unbearable.

Y/N had agreed to say some words at the funeral, despite Derek reassuring her that it was okay if she didn’t want to, she insisted.

Taking a deep breath, she started.

“My husband was many things. He was stubborn, at times. A bit of a know it all, which I loved about him.” She gave a teary chuckle, and the team gave one too, as they fondly remembered their friend. “But he was also kind, and loving. He was the best husband I could’ve asked for, and it was a privilege to love him, and to have his love in return. Spencer Reid was easily the best thing that ever happened to me, and I will honour him for the rest of my life.” She turned to face the newly placed headstone.

‘ Spencer Reid

Beloved Friend, son and Husband.’

That night, she sat up against the wall in their living room again, wrapped in Spencer’s jumper. She pressed the familiar number on her phone again, finding comfort in the sound of his voice.

“Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Spencer Reid. I can’t come to the phone right now, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”

Beep.

“Hey, Spence. I don’t know if you know, if you’re somehow watching me from up there but, I call this number a lot. I just want to hear your voice, sometimes. Even if it’s just your stupid voicemail.” She chuckled quietly. “I don’t actually have anything else to say. But I’m going to stop calling this number. It’s not good for me, to keep clinging onto you like this. So this will be the last time I call you. I can let you go now.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I’ll always love you, Spencer Reid. I promise.” She grabbed at the chain that hung from her neck, which now had his wedding ring dangling from it. “You’re the love of my life. And what an extraordinary life it was.” She smiled. “Maybe in another life, we get to be one another’s forever. But not in this one, it would seem.”

She knew she had to stop calling the number. It was damaging her, clinging onto his voice. She knew that if she wanted to be able to let him go, she had to start there.

“Okay. I’m gonna go now. miss you, love you.”

She ended the call, staring down at the phone, as the numbness she’d grown accustom to filled her.

She tried to convince herself she didn’t need to call again. She didn’t need to hear is voice again. Maybe things would be different, now she’d laid him to rest. Maybe now they’d both finally know peace.

Beep.

“Hi, this is Dr. Spencer Reid-“

But then again, when had the universe ever been so kind?

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #mgg x reader #criminal minds #spencer reid one shot #mgg #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler

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leahseclipse · 4 years ago

Text

Thnks fr th Mmrs - (Event Fic)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Warnings: Not that I am aware of. (Please let me know if something should be added later on.)

Summary: Just two idiots in love, but none of them have the guts to say it. Eventually one of them will do it, a bit late tho- but, better now than never.

A/N: HELLO!! Here I am, roughly one month after my last fic, this work got all of us busy, which lead to a bit of panic on the last days, but (I think) we made it all in one piece.

This work is part of the Fic Swap organized by @imagining-in-the-margins, with the help of @sunlight-moonrise! I’ve had the opportunity to write for @spencer-reid-in-a-pool- which is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I love her so so so so much. This was awesome to do. (And yeah, for those who got the ref, the title is from one of fob's songs. I had NO other idea and found this one cool.)

Word Count: 8.7k

As much as I wished for it not to haunt me another day— I still had this one problem, written into my brain with bright red ink, unwashable, as it seemed.

I hated to recall that it still remained there, as if it was an unsolved case that someone would have put into archives and brought back up when they were clearing out the shelves.

Unfortunately, it didn’t get lost, I just forgot it was there, and my brain had the wonderful idea of presenting it back to me.

I appreciate it. That was— quite nice.

It wasn’t that I hated it, I just didn’t like the thought of having to deal with it at barely eight in the morning, just before actually dealing with the problem itself— in person.

That problem—couldn’t be someone else but the only one Spencer Reid, the resident genius of the team, or the baby sibling for some of my co-workers.

Once again, I do not dislike him, on the contrary, he’s one the closest person I have in my life to this day, I wouldn’t imagine my life without him.

The problem is mainly directed towards the love, sentimental kind of problem.

Especially when the concerned person isn’t aware of it.

It gets complicated when you can’t even hide your feelings when they’re near.

I get all nervous and weird when he’s in sight, the proofs are right there.

I remember them all, from the time I broke a mug when I tried to reach it as he was talking or when I almost fell down the stairs when he came in to work one day, looking like a literal god— and wasn’t even aware of it, the list keeps going on for miles.

And I’m still there, sitting with my feelings, waiting for something to happen.

I’m not even sure that he feels the same way.

I’m here, admiring him, thinking about what could happen if I could resolve myself to talk about it, if he felt the same way, but strangely and for an unknown reason; I can’t.

This issue has been happening all week, the last one, and probably the whole month.

It took me time to figure it out myself.

I only saw us as two good friends at first; we’d hang out together, had the same hobbies, have long conversations without caring about the time, to the point that people would think that we were together.

But I guess that I never realized that he could be more than just a good friend.

And as it couldn’t be more complicated, in these cases, if none out of the two dares to make a move, or talk, it won’t go much further.

Which is exactly what’s been happening at this moment..

I’ve been liking him for a while now, and my brain doesn’t know to do anything else but attack me with as many questions they can come up with at the same time whenever I dare to think about it.

What if he does like me, but only as a friend?

Is it going to be awkward between us?

Am I going to lose my friendship with him because of that?

What if he says no?

What am I left with? My stupid feelings that will keep wandering around, reminding me of my love failure?

If all of these are the things waiting for me till I decide to stop bottling it up, I better have to solve that, soon.

But at the same time, if I take a glance at the negative side, I’m just thinking that it’d be better to keep our friendship as it is, and just pretend as if he’s only a good friend I’m quite close with, not a possible lover.

Since when did I allow myself to see him as that? I wasn’t doing that before.

What caused my feelings to suddenly appear?

He’s always been nice to me, as with everyone else he’s close with, and as far as I’m aware of it, no one’s been in my situation.

If it ever happened, I’m sure that it was purely platonic and didn’t go as far as I’m at.

It’s as bad as a math problem.

Kind of ironic, considering I both suck at figuring out how to say I love someone, deal with feelings, all that love stuff; and at maths.

But, as I think about it further, he didn’t do anything to keep me from crushing on him either, even if he probably didn’t do it because he liked me.

There’s a 50% possibility.

He’d take me in his arms to reassure me, help me with paperwork when I was tired, offer to drive me home, re-filled my mug for me, act close, and by close- not as close as he is with the others.

A different kind of close.

So...who wouldn’t think that way, that he could like me?

He could possibly like me, but about that, I don’t have a single clue to know if he really does.

I do want to try to ask him, in one way or another, but the thing is that , if he doesn’t like me, what is going to happen next?

Awkward silence?

Is he going to try to reject me as nicely as possible to not hurt my feelings?

It could be really nice if anything would help me to make all of this mess any clearer.

I don’t want to end up drawing away from him because I can’t help but be in love with him whenever I look at him, but at the same time, I can’t say that I am, in case he’s not in love with me.

Spencer’s one of the most important people in my life; I wouldn’t imagine a day where I wouldn’t talk to him, and even if we’re busy, I try to say hi to him, at least.

I can’t quite imagine not having him ramble about his favorite subject, happy as hell because I’m interested, listening to him, and even participating in it.

I don’t want all of this to stop because of a mistake I could cause.

So, this week will be the one.

I’ll somehow resolve myself to bring up the subject.

I’m sure he’ll understand, he knows me better than anyone else in the whole team, has always been there when I needed someone, he’s always listened when I needed to talk, he helped me out with a lot of issues.

He’s always been understanding, whether the issue would concern him or not, so this shouldn’t be a big problem.

It’ll be fine.

I just have to relax sometimes.

I’m stressing out too much, and I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t stress that much about that, or any subject he might think about.

I even wonder if Spencer already noticed the changes in my behavior and is just waiting for me to talk about it because he doesn’t dare to talk about it as well.

He could feel the same way.

He could.

There’s a chance, a good one, I guess.

It can end well, and I have to keep thinking about the good outcome.

There’s no way he’d react badly, I know him,— Spencer is not the kind of guy to do that, in general.

I trust him on that.

So, today...or later, will be the right one.

It’ll go well.

It’ll be win or lose, basically.

I sighed as I looked at myself for the hundredth time for the past ten minutes, finally resolving myself to leave the apartment before I’d end up being late.

Which isn’t something I’d like to happen.

My ‘love problem’ counts as at least ten problems more than getting yelled at by a superior (if I’m not overreacting, at least) so I don’t really need that to happen, on top of that.

I have never been delighted to walk into the office, only to find paperwork from last week waiting for me.

We usually had the whole ‘Garcia runs into the office and throws papers at us before we gather in the conference room and immediately go on a jet at whatever unpleasant hour’ or just purely lazy days where none of us have the strength for any kind of celebration.

But today happened to be a calm one, we just had to do whatever task we had left to do before we can allow ourselves to go back home to either sleep all day to fix our long broken sleep schedule, or do whatever event we might come with, such as dates or trying to find a guy in a party, for some of us.

It’s nice that we don’t have to worry about when we’ll be able to come back to work, we just go in, do our task and go home at whatever hour, a decent one.

I’d say that this happened to be more than convenient -in a way- for Spencer and I.

More time for talking, hanging out together, mostly what we do when not on an active case.

If I’m not mistaken, I think that I may have heard one of them saying that we were dating because of how frequently we’d be found together.

I did want to say we were dating as a joke, but I was afraid that it’d end up being awkward after that if- as said earlier when I woke up-, he didn’t feel the same.

But at the same time, whether he feels the same way or not, I don’t really have a reason to think about that as Spencer wouldn’t react badly.

Knowing him, he’d probably play along.

At my arrival at the bureau; everyone was scattered a bit around; which wasn’t to be seen on a case day, usually.

We just had to hope we wouldn't have a surprise case to ruin it all.

As I greeted everyone before settling at my desk, I noticed one person missing.

Spencer wasn't usually late, so...I didn't really know what might make him late.

Knowing him, he may have woken up late because he had watched tv till 2AM, and ran to the coffee shop to not look dead at his arrival.

Yep, that’s him.

Let’s hope he won’t break a bone when he’s going to attempt to run to not be late, it’s...yeah.

So, don’t rush Spencer, it’s calm as hell here, you don’t need a trip to the ER so soon in the morning.

“Oh, hey!”

I turned around to be faced with Spencer, papers in hand. “When did you get there? I didn’t see you when I arrived like...five minutes ago. I thought you weren’t here yet.”

“Oh, I was doing copies. I’m sorry if I worried you, I should have sent a text.”

“No- It’s okay, don’t worry. You’re here...now.”

“Yeah, I’m here. Do you have a lot of paperwork? Figured out we could talk in between.” He asked.

“No, I don’t have a lot, and...sure, I could use a talk- I mean uh...talk, yeah.”

That was a shitty save.

“I’m glad, I didn't want to bother you if you were busy.”

“Even if my whole desk was covered in papers, you know I’d always find a minute to talk. I get easily distracted.”

Please don’t take it the ‘love’ way, or just...don’t think I get distracted by you in a ‘not-a-friend’ way— gosh, I’m not gonna be able to save it with whatever sentence.

“You know that’s the same for me. I always have a hundred subjects popping up just when I try to focus.”

“Yeah, same. It’s a bit...annoying.”

“Depends. It’s not really when you’re in them.” Spencer admitted.

Is this an attempt at killing me right on the spot? You’re really going to kill me by being so damn nice.

“Oh...really? I didn’t know.”

That was shit.

“Well uh...now you do that it’s not always annoying up there and that’s your part of the non-bothering stuff.” He pointed out.

“That’s the- same for you, yeah.” I answered, slightly nervous.

“Didn’t know we had that too in common, that’s funny.”

Not so sure about the other detail you don’t know about-

“We learn new stuff everyday at least. I guess it’s...useful to know? I don’t know.” I chuckled.

“Yeah, there’s not much to do with that information, it’s more of a...fact thing-y. You know I like that stuff.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Who doesn’t?”

“Yeah, everyone does at this point, but that’s a quarter of what they know, I think that you’re the only one that knows the most about me, not everyone.”

You have to stop before I drop dead on the floor right now.

“I have to remind you that it’s kind of the same for you.”

“People are definitely thinking we’re together at this point, we’re pretty close so they have every right to believe that.”

“Does it...bother you?”

“Oh, no, not really. You’re a pretty girl so that’s kind of...nice that they think that a nerd like me could be in a relationship with you.”

Okay, I just stopped functioning right now.

What am I supposed to even say? You’re a literal god, you’re handsome as HELL-

“Oh- you’re uh- good looking so, that’s...normal I guess.”

“You think so?” He asked, unsure.

Oh, please. Tell me you’re kidding, it’s impossible that no one hasn’t told you of your AMAZING handsomeness, the fact that you’re amazingly-

Yeah, we got it y/n.

“Yeah, really.” I confirmed.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“No problem, Spence.” I said, as we both went to our respective tasks.

At least I avoided a heart attack, that’s what matters, he just has to stop being so cute and pretty, all the time because I’m gonna have trouble acting like I’m not in fucking love with him if he keeps going.

Just- breathe, and focus on your work.

We’re gonna talk together, and it’s gonna be okay.

There’s no reason that a problem would occur, I just had a talk with him, and it went...almost perfectly smooth.

The ‘almost’ part is when I almost had a heart attack, which isn’t the first I’ve had with him, and won’t be the last.

If he would just stop being so handsome all of the time.

I sighed, reading the paper all over again as I lost focus...again.

As I was reading, my pen in hand and the tip of it slightly touching the sheet— I didn’t even realize that I had been scribbling on the paper, as if I was in middle school and bored in class all over again.

It was kind of….fun.

I didn’t get to do that everyday, so I’d say that it was diversifying compared to any other stressful day where these...doodles wouldn't even happen or to be thought about because of the amount and importance of the work.

I still think about him, even when I’m busy as hell though.

He’s always in my thoughts, I don't know how he does it because I’m pretty sure I don’t do that with anyone else in the bureau.

Is that kind of over thinking considered as an obsession or not at this point? I’m not quite sure of it anymore, but...it's not "psychopath, stalker-like", he's just an important person that matters to me.

I just really like him, that’s all.

He also told me that I tend to be in his mind often, so...I guess we're even.

I guess so.

“Hey, is everything...okay? You’ve been staring blankly for a...while. Is that my-” He started to point out.

I panicked, quickly hiding the papers with other ones. “What? Oh, uh...I was-” I blurted out. “...thinking.”

“You’ll probably have to...print out new ones. I don't think Hotch will accept papers with scribbles, you know. I can print out some copies for you, if you want?”

“No- It’s fine, I can go, thanks for asking! It’s nice of you but uh- I’m going.” I answered, as I abruptly clicked back on the software to print out copies, and walked to the breakroom after...awkwardly waving.

Why the hell was I scribbling down his name like I was...a middle schooler having a crush on her classmate?

I have no idea why, but this was...kind of embarrassing at the moment.

I seriously have to stop worrying about each thing that happens.

He probably didn’t care as much as I did.

I shook my head as I arrived in the breakroom, now empty as Luke and Matt had previously left from what I saw a bit ago when I looked in that direction.

I didn’t mind, at least I’d avoid embarrassment because of how weird my expression probably looks.

So, everyone, please don’t come now, wait until I pick up my papers, that’d be more than appreciated.

Should I call Spencer?

I don’t want to be a bother, I know he enjoys spending time alone off work.

Would he be happy to hear me?

I don’t know.

I’ll call him later, if I’m settled on it.

I’ve been pacing in that small apartment of mine for at least the last couple of minutes, or maybe an hour, I don’t have the habit of noting the duration of my nonsense usually.

I don’t even know why I’m pacing again and again just to decide about a call.

I’m sure he doesn’t even do that.

Does that mean it makes me...crazy?

Not necessarily.

It could.

Maybe.

I’ll just- whatever.

Do something useful like cleaning your apartment and answering emails, and you’ll see if you have a minute to spare to call Spencer.

That works that way.

See, you can stop stressing.

Just do another task to distract yourself and have less things to worry about, so it’ll be easier to decide about the ‘call matter’ thingy.

I did not call him, if that’s what anyone wondered.

The only call I made was with Penelope, after she called me numerous times to ask me about the books we’ve been yelling about for a few weeks.

I had supposed she had also wanted to talk about Spencer, as the whole office had been conspiring about our possible relationship.

But, she held it off, and cut the call after saying ‘I better hang up or I’ll be talking about the book for another decade’.

Kind of looks like me and my thoughts with Spencer.

I hope I’ll get to let all of those out, if we ever have the chance to have a talk about the feelings matter.

I never had that many ‘things matters’, I’m even inventing some new words along the way.

Crazy what love can do, if that’s what started it.

I can’t recall that either, I’ve been more focusing on the matter itself than the name of it.

Love will do, I guess.

“What are you up to?” I asked, peering over Spencer’s desk.”

“Well, technically...nothing new. I’ve been reading that for the past week, I tend to do that with books I really like.” He closed it, looking at me. “Is that weird?”

“Not at all. I’m doing the same with shows and movies, and even- who cares if it’s weird? If we like doing that, we don’t have to worry about what others might think about it.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t worry that much.”

“I worry about small things too, you’re not alone on the ride.” I pointed out, sitting back at my desk.

“Glad to know I have someone I’m sure won’t judge on that.”

“I would never judge you on anything, well- aside from the ‘sugar’ matter we’ve been having for a while, nothing else.”

“You’ll be debating about it for a while then. I’m not about to stop having my ‘sugar with my coffee’, as Morgan says.”

“The amount you put in it is disgusting.”

“Not to me.”

“Well it is to me, and probably everyone else. How do you not get sick?”

“No idea. I’ve been doing that for years and never had problems of any kind. Maybe you’re all the ones that are weird.”

“Hey! You’re weird too. If you wouldn’t be, I wouldn’t be talking with you.”

“I’m less weird than you, at least.”

“Pff. Just get back to work, weirdo.”

I love you, weird genius.

No, I didn’t get to talk to him about the…’love matter thingy’.

We did spend a lot of time together but I didn’t get the nerve to find a way to ask, instead of going straight to the thing.

I have no idea if I was imagining things or if it was real but...he did look a lot like me, and...his look wasn’t the kind of look you’d give a friend.

He also seemed...nervous, I guess?

Would it be wrong for me to think that he could possibly like me, as well?

That’s better than always thinking he doesn’t, a little hope doesn’t hurt, it’s always nice to think on the bright side for once.

Maybe I could be right.

I kind of hope I am.

I didn’t think till now that it would be such a relief to see my whole desk cleared from most of the papers.

I’ve turned in most of my reports- and that kind of sounds like I’m talking as if I’m in school and turning in assignments at the end of the day to be honest.

All of the papers that laid around were gone, and it kind of seemed like the work day had reached its end.

It kind of was a nice day, it’s nice to have days like that from time to time to take a break from all of the stress and shit from cases.

As I had gathered back all of my stuff, and all that was in mind was to walk out of here and rush to my apartment.

Just as I turned around, Spencer was standing in front of me; I didn’t even see him come by.

“You- gosh, you really scared me. Speak up next time.” I said, nervously laughing.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to- Did you uh...get hurt?”

“No, I didn’t have- get anything. I’m okay, thanks- Are you going home too?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am and...I also-”

“You also…?”

“I wanted to talk to you...again, about something.”

I feel like that ‘something’ might be the ‘something’ I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for weeks.

“Uh, go ahead, I guess. I can’t really start the conversation as I have no idea what it’s about…”

“Okay, uh...I’ve been uh, wanting to ask, for a while, if you wanted to hang out, sometimes. I know we do, pretty often, but I’d be like...hanging out together, maybe dinner...” He looked elsewhere, searching for his words.

“...you mean a date? Is that...what you want to say?”

“Yeah, that! I just- I thought I’d be weird to ask you, just like that. I mean...it’s kind of random and I thought that- you understood the thing.”

Please, that’s what I’ve been thinking about for a decade, how could I not understand that-

“It’s not weird, I’m just...surprised?”

“Oh, I’m- glad? I just...didn’t think you’d accept and...I was kind of afraid that I’d make a fool of myself by asking you that.”

“Wait a minute though- You’re really asking me out, right now? I’m not making fun of you, it’s just still...wow.”

I just thought you would never do it, or that I’d be the one asking and receiving a negative answer.

“I swear that I’m not. I’d never joke about that, especially to you, and since I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I guess I was afraid of the answer.”

“Please don’t laugh, or anything but...kind of the same thing was happening to me, about you.”

“So...we’ve been thinking about it, and none of us knew? Wow, that’s...I didn’t think that was happening all this time.”

“Seems so.”

“Have you been uh...thinking about it for a while, like me?”

“Kind of...yeah. I’ve...liked you for a while but, didn’t think you’d be interested. I’ve had a lot of male friends that were acting like you, but weren’t interested in me, so I thought...that was the case.” I admitted.

“You have no idea how much I appreciate you, and not only in a friendly way. I’ve liked you for a bit, and as I said, I was afraid of what you’d say, so...I told myself that waiting for the right moment would be better.”

“....yeah, same. I don’t think we’d ever get to have a conversation about it but- did you uh...resolved yourself to do it because of…”

“..the paper thing? Yeah, and no. It’s been on my mind for a bit. I just thought this would...kind of- be the right moment. I know that it's not the ideal place, but I just thought, it’s now or never.”

“At least...it’s cleared out?” I asked.

“Yeah, it is. I’m glad we know about...the feelings stuff and all.”

“You have no idea how I am. This is- wow, sorry, this was kind of sudden, and I...didn’t think that’d happen. Just this morning I thought about talking about it somewhere this week and now- did you read my expression or something and guessed or…? Because just as I thought about it, you talked to me.” I explained.

“I guess so. I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, and...I didn’t want to wait more as I wouldn’t have ever talked, as for you.”

“Would you have waited another week for me to tell it or would you have stepped in before?”

“I think it would have depended on where we would be. Because, if we were outside, I think that I would have preferred something nicer than a bureau, you know. Even if I like it, to be honest. But, I wouldn’t say it’s the best setup to ask someone on a date?”

I shrugged. “Not the best, but, it’s better than- I don’t know...a grocery store or something?”

“Yeah- it’s better.”

“At least you’ll get a better shot at asking me out on another date after that one.”

“I’ll definitely do better.”

“I trust you on that one. But- I want to home right now though, I kind of miss my couch...and my fridge, maybe.”

“I’m with you on both ones- after you.” Spencer offered, as the elevator opened, stepping in after me.

“Be careful with the whole gentlemen thing, you’re gonna have to bring me coffee everyday soon.”

“I’m already doing that with mine, bringing yours won’t hurt. You’ll probably have a bill at the end of each month.”

“In your dreams, Reid.”

The care that had been put by Spencer on our first date was truly amazing.

It looked like he planned it months ago, it could almost be seen as a kind of proposal if someone else would see it.

He insisted on picking me up himself, did not tell me a single thing about where we were going till we were there, which was weird...but made it exciting and fun.

I have to say that I was...quite nervous too.

I never even thought that I’d be here, on a literal date with Spencer Reid himself; I’ve had dreams about it, thought about it, but never thought it’d actually happen.

None of this was a joke, he was more than serious about it.

I don’t think that even one thought I had looked like this moment, he insisted for it to be an awesome first date we’d both remember for a while, and I wish it could have lasted longer.

Time went by, way too fast that when we both saw the time, it was already 10PM.

As we could have work, and that sleeping early would be convenient if we happen to be called in early, we decided to end the night there, even if none of us really wanted to.

“We should stay in next time. That way we won’t be tired, you know. It’s kind of late.” Spencer pointed out, as we walked to my place.

“You sure? It’s gonna be Grey’s Anatomy or whatever cheesy tv show I watch for the night.”

“I don’t mind. I’ll probably try to point out the mistakes, it’ll be like...a game night you know.”

“Oh, yeah. It could. But, I think I’m gonna be the one to lose as the only ‘medical knowledge’ I have from that show is from that show. And, as Google isn’t to be trusted, I’m gonna lose.”

“It could also include a...spot cheesy moments thing.”

“Season one is full of it. We’re gonna have a lot to talk about. I would have proposed Star Trek but apparently, there’s not much scientific errors, it’s pretty accurate from what I heard. We could settle on Doctor Who if we can’t decide.”

“Would you like it though? You told me you don’t watch it usually.”

“You could tell me about it, it could be good. We could also try Supernatural, it’s kind of mystery stuff with paranormal stuff?”

“Ghosts, spirit and the whole heaven/hell thing?”

“Yeah, there’s a lot going on. And...it's kind of in the title. I’d have to warn you though, I’m kind of obsessed with the main leads, so don't get jealous or something.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t judge you. It’s a judgement free-zone.”

You raised your eyebrows, staying silent for a split second.“...you judged me when I didn’t add any sugar in my coffee.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Spencer, please- you looked at me weirdly, as if I committed a crime.”

“Not in a mean way- I just put a ton, so, seeing someone putting none was weird.” He admitted.

“I’m judging you on that then. You’re putting way too much in that. It’s sugar with liquid at this point, it's melted candy.”

“I hate the strong taste.”

“Then drink tea.” I proposed.

“It’s too light.”

“Just end up drinking water.” I said, running out of ideas.

“No, I prefer to stay with my sugar with liquid.”

As you wish.” I agreed, as we came to a stop.

“So...we’re there.”

“Yep, we are. I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Spencer repeated, coming forward to plant a kiss on my cheek. “Have a good night.”

“Spencer, you missed. You kissed my cheek.”

“Oh I- are you fine with it…?”

“Just kiss me, Reid.” I replied back, while one of his came on my left cheek, the other laying on my waist as he stepped forward once again, kissing me on the lips.

All of it was perfect.

It was only the two of us, the world around us had froze.

My arms ended up winding up around his neck as he brought me close, his warmth, smell invading my emotions, my whole thoughts.

I had totally forgotten about everything else, he was the center of my attention, I couldn’t allow myself to go on another track when he happened to be near me, this close.

Never have I thought that months ago, as I was crushing on a man I thought wouldn’t like me, would actually like me, and kiss me.

We were literally starting to date.

This better be real, I better not be in a coma after whatever accident I might have had.

Because this— this is way better than a dream, than I imagined.

I would be so mad if that wouldn’t end up to be real— but it is.

All of the things I’d feel, whether it was him, his hand on my cheek radiating his warmth on me, his breath, his lips slotting against mine, his arm enlacing my waist, the grip on my waist gentle, the feeling of the fabric of his jacket against my fingers, or even my own feelings, all of the memories, thoughts floating around, there was just way too many things to describe, but I could still list them all of a sudden if I were to be asked about the aftermath of it.

I couldn’t wish for a better moment like this.

I think that the fact that this moment was probably totally unexpected made it even more special for the two of us.

Neither of us will forget, ever.

This moment totally replaced the message written in bright red ink that reminded me that I still had these feelings laying around that I kept pushing away by fear of rejection.

The rejection seemed long gone, for me, he happened to be having similar feelings, probably fearing a negative event as well.

Turns out nothing bad happened for the both of us.

Only our truest desires, what we wished for but didn’t dare to as the bad ones were stronger.

The bad pushed the joy we could have really lived if the feelings were mutual.

And now, it is.

We both know that the other likes us, that the bad is long gone behind us.

I could tell that, from my side, because of this moment.

I didn’t want it to stop, ever.

I wished to live this kind of event that could give the chance for all of these amazing feelings to fill my whole mind.

No more fear, pain, sadness, just calm, reassuring, soothing feelings.

The ones that make you feel that nothing can hurt you anymore, that make you feel safe, happy, this is all I’ve ever wanted.

I didn’t even count how many minutes that lasted, I was too focused on...the wonderful person in front of me and all the feelings that came with it.

It was quite the overwhelming one, and for once, it wasn’t an unpleasant overwhelming, it made me feel happy.

Mostly because I’d never thought feelings could be so deep, numerous, amazing to think about, and then, even more happy feelings would pop up again, and again.

I’d almost forgotten we were still in front of my building, and that it was...really late.

I almost think that I didn’t remember the world had kept moving, that people walked by to see two people making out in the street.

I guess I sort of apologize, but don’t really care.

I was in my moment and did not care if anyone saw us.

When we both slowed down in our movements, ceasing after a few seconds; I slightly stepped back, letting his hand rest on my cheek for a little bit more when I put mine on his.

I simply didn’t want the feeling of his warmth to ever stop.

I did not want any of what this moment made me feel to ever stop after I had to experience it with no one but a person that deeply matters to me.

The only person I’ve ever wanted to feel this kind of amazing feelings with.

I didn’t want it to stop.

Not yet.

Not ever.

It was amazing.

He was amazing.

As we both started to take our breaths back, when his hand dropped from my cheek to my waist, joining the other, the feeling of looking in his eyes once again was astounding.

It was just a glance.

But, when you happen to be in total love, it isn’t just a simple glance, it’s always a special one.

What you feel about it won’t ever change.

I’m sure of it, in my case.

I wish I could be looking at him forever.

But...not that I want to ruin the moment but, it was really late, and windy.

Not the best time to look at each other for hours.

After a certain amount of time, Spencer had been the one to briefly break contact, before maintaining it once again, but with a different emotion plastered on his face this time.

“I’m sorry for...before, I panicked and I-”

Okay, here goes nothing.

“I don’t want you to go yet.” I admitted. “That's kind of the reason...I said and did that too. I wanted to kiss you but, it was also to feel you close a bit more, a four hour date wasn’t enough and I don’t think it’ll ever be.”

He seemed surprised at my confession.

Just say something, I hate it when there’s a blank.

Especially when I just said this to you.

“...if you want me to stay, just tell me.” He said. “I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me, as long as you want. Even for a whole week, a month, hell- forever, let’s be crazy.”

“You’d do that?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I?”

“I just feel like I would be bothering you.”

“You’re not. I’m actually happy to get to stay more. It’s not bothersome at all, on the contrary. I’m happy to stay.”

I’m happy too.

“Thanks for that. I really...appreciate it.” I admitted.

“The pleasure’s mine.”

“Wow, you’re playing it ‘gentleman-like’ now?”

“I guess so. I would also say it can be because I’ve seen a bit too much of Miraculous Ladybug when I was babysitting kids. Cat Noir’s nice.”

“You know lines of Cat Noir?”

“Yeah, I picked up a few one.”

“Really? You’re gonna say them all the time now?”

“Of course, my lady.”

“I’m never gonna get used to that. It’s weird hearing you say that.”

“But it’s romantic, there’s a lot in the TV shows you watch. The characters do that too.”

“But you’re not one of the characters, you’re Spencer Reid. You’re yourself. You don’t need to throw Cat Noir lines to charm me or something. Just you...is enough.”

“You sound like ladybug...and also Marinette.”

“We’re kind of them- well- kind of, as what we deal with isn’t...close to a kid’s show, but, we save people.”

“Oh, we should-”

“No, I’m not dressing up as ladybug for halloween.”

“...can’t say I didn’t try.”

“There’s no way I’m dressing up in a suit-” I argued.

“We would have been equal, I’d be in one too.”

“I’m not doing it-”

“...guess I’ll have to come up with something else then.”

“Yeah. We have at least six months to think about it so...that’s enough for me, I guess.”

“It’s short. We’re gonna end up one week before.” He complained.

“Stop worrying about that- just get inside with me, it’s getting cold.”

“I could give you my sweater and jacket, I don’t mind.”

“Just- get inside Reid.”

“I was joking!”

“Sure you do. Do you think I’d stay outside for another hour?”

“I just thought it was because you were cold-”

“I’m gonna check if you don’t have a fever when we get up- you’re out of your mind.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“Nah, you’re a bit tired, from what you said.”

“I didn’t actually mean it.”

“Sure, let’s get you to bed, grandpa.”

"I'm 32-"

"So?"

"I don't see why you call me grandpa."

"You don't have the reference? The meme, you know?"

"No, I don't."

"You're disappointing, Reid."

“Is it going to get worse in later seasons? It’s too calm.” Spencer pointed out.

“Uh...possibly. Season one is pretty calm, not- entirely, but...okay compared to later ones. There’s a lot going on in Supernatural, and it gets pretty hard when you get attached to the characters. The writers like to hurt us.”

“They’re taking all of the pain of the fans on twitter as inspiration.”

I snorted. “I’m really starting to wonder if it’s not the case at this point.”

“I noticed they tend to do that at the end of seasons too. They throw in a cliffhanger where you think that the character is going to die, and then, they make you wait months...just to show they had a scratch on the arm.” He explained.

“It’s true...they did that a lot of times. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen after season one though. I bet it’s only going to get worse.”

“Probably. I bet they won’t be extra nice with letting them live peacefully.”

“You…” I stopped in my sentence, yawning. “...said it. Sorry- I’m a bit tired.” I said, rubbing my eyes.

"Oh you should probably- go to bed, yeah. I'll leave the bed to you, you know."

"Why would you sleep on the couch?"

"Uh...well, uh...I don't know."

"We're sleeping in the same bed, it's not the end of the world."

"...are you uh- sure?"

"I guess. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

“I just figured that...it’d be sort of embarrassing, or even awkward for you.”

“I don’t get why it would be, it’s okay. Plus, you deserve to sleep comfortably if you’re tired as well.”

“Okay, then.”

I paused for a bit, thinking about a detail. “...It’s probably stupid to ask, but...which side do you usually prefer? Just so that, there aren't any problems if you sleep on a specific one, you know.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be taking you side or anything, as you said, if you prefer a specific...one.”

“Why did you think I asked? And, in case we prefer the same, we’ll just settle on one, that's all I can think of.”

“...it wasn’t stupid to ask though.” Spencer reassured.

“Really? I...it’s not everyday that I ask that kind of stuff, especially as this situation doesn’t happen everyday. But, at least, I can say that I’ve already done it. It’s...something.”

“Yeah, same. It’s just...I don’t know, what would you call it?”

“Half stupid, half nice? I have no idea as well.” I admitted.

“...we can just leave it there, we’ll never find it.”

“True- Are you coming, or doing a whole routine like drinking water, going to the bathroom, tidying up everything, checking mails and all of the possible stuff that you could do?”

“Do you really think I could be doing that?”

“Kind of. Wouldn’t be surprising if you were doing that. But I’d say it’s a waste of time, if it’s 10PM, you end up going at 11:30 something. The least I’d do would be...water and bathroom. But again- I won’t criticize, it’s fine with me. Just don’t make hella noise.” I detailed.

“I just...check mails...a lot, yeah. Also uh...I make sure everything is ready in case we get called in so I don’t rush; so, I do a lot of stuff. But as if it’s a calm week, I guess I can skip getting the bag ready, and probably mails as I answer them later.”

“That’s...good to know at least. Less stress before going to bed.”

“Kind of. I tend to do all of the stuff I forget all day at night, which causes me to do a lot of stuff, being afraid that they won’t be done on time, so...it’s nice to have less stress.”

“Really nice after what you said.” I pointed out. “Are you sure you’re okay though? We’re only sharing a bed, it isn’t the end of the world, if that’s the thing that bothers you.”

“No, you’re not….it isn’t- It’s not the problem. I just, never really...did it, and...I have no idea why I’m stressing over that. It’s kind of stupid as we’re just gonna sleep.”

“You’ll be out like a light in two minutes Spence, it won’t be a problem if that’s what stresses you out. Also, it kind of is...the feeling you can’t describe, and me neither. It’s like...stress, awkwardness, a mix, you know.”

“Exactly, it’s kind of that.” He agreed.

“Didn't know we were thinking the same about that. Well, I guess we’ll see. We should go before it’s too late.”

“Yeah, we...probably should.”

“Relax up a bit. Just chill.”

“I’m perfectly relaxed.” He argued.

“No you’re not. Stop lying, I don’t even need to profile you to know. You’re like a balloon ready to explode.”

“I really don’t see what you’re talking about, y/n.” He muttered.

“Did anyone tell you that you’re very convincing? Turns out they were lying, genius.”

“I think I’m the one freaking out now.” I admitted, out of the blue.

“I’m not really freaking out anymore. I guess I gave all of my stress away to you.”

“It’s quite thoughtful, thanks.”

“Maybe you’re just hot, who knows. I’m fine on my side.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not hot, it was freezing cold outside, so it is inside. I know when it’s hot and when it’s not.”

“Uh then...try to take deep breaths? I don’t know what you could do.”

Why don’t you try to be less handsome, huh?

“I think it’s the awkwardness and stress mix kicking in, as I said earlier.”

“Do you want to talk for a bit? Maybe it’ll calm you down.”

“Sure, why not.” I agreed, turning to the other side to face him.

That guy has to realize that his face is what’s distracting me.

“What did you think about today?” He asked.

“It was...really fun. Quite more than I expected I think. I guess I’d be down for other ones.”

“I can’t guarantee I’m not going to slide one or two essays in it though.”

“I’m fine with it. You know listening to you...never bothered me. I don’t think it’ll ever bore me. Who doesn’t like a few facts?”

“Even when it’s all about science or pagan rituals? The cop looked at me weirdly and even asked what kind of doctor I was. Someone else had to talk to revive the conversation.”

You bet, not everyone’s used to it.

“I do remember that one. You looked pretty...proud about it when you finished the sentence. I swear that I would have revived it first or would have kept going. I know a bit about it. What did you say to creep him out?”

“I think that...there was candle wax on the tree, and I said the usual stuff, as a matter of fact, it was used to protect the birth day celebrants from demons, and that the celebration got rejected by Christianity as a pagan ritual’. That’s when he asked.”

That totally explains.

“It wasn’t embarrassing, don’t worry. He just...wasn’t used to that. That almost happens with every new person you meet. I’m out of the ‘almost’ I guess. I was surprised, but got kind of interested.”

“Again, that was surprising. Not everyone would have reacted like you did. I know the others try not to hurt me and listen to it until it’s enough.”

“It’s distracting sometimes, you can always keep going. But not too late, 2AM essays aren’t my thing. Sleeping at 2AM is.”

Getting to sleep at 2AM doesn’t even matter anymore, I’m just glad to be able to sleep.

“I’ll try then.”

“You better.” I warned, pulling my jacket closer to my body as I felt a few chills.

His gaze hadn’t left my figure, hence, he noticed. “...you’re still cold?”

“A bit, I guess.”

“Do you uh...want to...get closer?”

“If you don’t mind, I don’t know. I don’t want it to be embarrassing.”

“It’s not, I swear. I just don’t want you to freeze, I guess.” He admitted, raising one of his arms.

“Okay, thanks.” I slowly got closer, not wanting to invade too much.

“I said you could get closer, that is barely closer than before. Come here.” He pointed out, which I responded to with a sigh as my head ended up resting against his chest. “I told you it wasn’t weird.”

“I thought it’d be for you.” I answered.

“It’s not...anymore. It’s actually fine...now that you’re here.”

“...really? You were kind of stressed about it just a bit ago.”

“Don’t remind me, it’s embarrassing again now. Do as your brain is a computer and delete the file.”

You’re the computer, I’m not.

“It’s fun when you react like that, why would I stop?”

“That’s offending.”

“You, offended? I don’t think so. You don’t sound like it, you’re acting.”

“That hurted my feelings even more, I think my heart might die because of such cruelty. You should be careful with your words, my lady.”

“You’re starting to look like Cat Noir. It’s cheesy. I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“Maybe I am Cat Noir, who knows.”

“Guess you’re gonna have to give back your power, you’re not supposed to say it.”

That shows how many nights I’ve spent babysitting kids, especially Matt’s, they watch it way too much.

“Never said I was.”

I kind of wish you were, it’d be fun to see you in that costume.

“Spencer, you sound like him now. You’re definitely him, can’t change my mind about that.”

“I just sound like him, doesn’t mean I am.”

“I have the last word, stop.”

“Okay, I’m stopping. But you have to sleep first, I’m not sleeping until you’re asleep.”

“...bossy.” I spat.

“I’m taking care of you, I’m not bossy.”

“...what’ver.”

“Whatever, right.” Spencer repeated, hesitating for a bit before putting his lips on my forehead, softly kissing it a few times. “I totally agree with you.”

“Mhm.” I lazily said, growing a bit more tired.

“Good night, y/n.”

Nothing much had been planned for today; so when I had woken up, I really didn’t need to feel stressed about rushing into work as most of it would only be paperwork.

Spencer was still asleep. He had stirred up a bit when I stood up, but it didn’t wake him much. He was sleeping as a baby, even when I accidentally banged my foot against a shelf, nothing woke him up.

I exited the room with a chuckle, heading to the kitchen aisle to fill up a glass of water; sitting on the counter when I had the glass in hand.

It wasn’t really late, just about 8AM, I could still head to work around 9 or 10 as our work hours were to be chosen by us when nothing urgent was to be done; but, the limit was still about 10AM, the hour to be chosen more freely was around the end of the day.

Too bad we can’t head in somewhere in the afternoon.

I hate that work just for that.

I slightly jumped from the counter, peering over the bedroom to see Spencer still sound asleep, only his position had changed.

As I looked in the room, his sweater had been messily put on one of the chairs in the corner, almost at the edge of it.

Time to make jokes and steal a sweater.

I slightly laughed, walking to the chair as I grabbed the sweater, heading back outside when I had the item in hand.

In a few seconds, I had put my head in the top hole, then my arms in the sleeves, arranging the sweater afterwards.

Good luck to get it back, Reid.

“Hey, did you-” Spencer asks, before putting his eyes on me. “Is that my sweater, or am I having hallucinations?”

“That is your sweater, indeed. You’re not hallucinating.”

“Is it being rude to ask why you’re wearing it?”

“I don’t know, I like it.”

“And...is it possible to get it back later?”

“Not sure….no.”

“At least you were clear.” Spencer chuckled, sitting on the couch as I joined him after a minute.

“Last night was really nice. I appreciated the forehead kisses.”

“I just...felt like it would be reassuring, glad to know that. I could do it often if you’d like to. I don’t mind.”

“Every night, no matter the situation. If we leave and don’t see each other for a few hours, forehead kisses, even if we don’t sleep at the other’s place, forehead kisses- basically every time we have to separate for a bit. But- you can also do it when we’re together, so...correction, all the time.”

“Gotcha, all the time.”

“I may give you back your sweater at some point if you keep your promise.”

“I don’t actually mind, you can keep it. Just tell me when you take my clothes so I don’t think that some alien stole my clothes in the night.”

“I’ll send you a text every time I’ll be taking one. You might receive a lot though…”

“Just try to leave two or three shirts and some pants so I don’t have to go out in the street naked.”

“I will- don’t worry.” I said, laughing.

“Too bad I can’t take yours in exchange. I’m not a fan of...tops.”

“You know what? That’s not a bad idea. I’m gonna take everything in your closet and only leave pants and that top. Thanks for the idea!” I thanked, getting up from the couch as he tried to catch me when I started to run.

At least now, I can’t say that I had a bad week.

It was better than expected;

For...probably the both of us.

If you liked this fic, let me know here!

#cm #cm fic #cm cbs #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #Criminal Minds Spencer Reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you

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azucanela · 4 years ago

Note

Can i please have a headcanons for Keigo and Shinsou with a female s/o that really likes manga and anime but keeps it a secret from others because they talk shit and make fun of her? and like one day they accidently find out and she's kinda embarressed about it but they convince her that everything is fine and they think ist cute how happy they are when they talk about something she loves? Uwu :9 (sorry for my bad english)

secret anime and manga fan s/o headcannons [ft. keigo takami, shinsou hitoshi]

SUMMARY: Y/N has been hiding the fact that she likes anime and manga from her lovely boyfriend for a while now, fearing he’d find it weird. now, she has no choice but to address the fact that he knows.

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

WARNINGS: threats

A/N: your english is great bb! uwu owo this was relatable askdakjhds if anyone tells you there is something wrong with watching anime or reading manga, let me tell you that they are WRONG. i will fight them for you<3

KEIGO TAKAMI | PRO HERO HAWKS

you used to talk about animes you liked because at the end of the day they are tv shows thats it, same with mangas, they are like books but cooler lol

but people found that “weird” for some reason, because anime is a “cartoon” and thats so gross omg haha these “cartoons” make me sob um watch a silent voice and cry with me kids

anyways

you’re watching anime in the comfort of your home, just vibing. no one is coming over today, you have time to yourself to enjoy your lil show that nobody should be judging you for

well, you thought no one was coming over

keigo has a tendency to just like, show up at your house sometimes when hes bored or in the midst of an uneventful patrol. though he rarely is seen in public, especially on the streets, he does fly-bys constantly

anyways, he was bored, or just relieved of duty for whatever reason, like lunch. he is having chicken nuggets, he is a cannibal, be ashamed H A W K S, smh

anyways, he just shows up at your house, like he lowkey breaks in through the balcony of your apartment, but its fine because you leave it open for him, but normally he texts you to let you know he’s coming but today was the exception because he’s adorable and wanted to surprise!!! you!!! with!!! food!!!

so he comes in, and he sees you are on your couch, just watching your lil anime, and you are SO INTO IT MAN like you are lowkey yelling at the TV whenever a character does something, and when that one character you hate comes on you’re like throwing hands with nothing

keigo is internally screaming because why are you so CUTE

he kinda forgets for a second that you don’t know he’s there, he has no idea what’s going on in this show, and he’s still holding chicken nuggets and fries

this is why he just kinda screams at a character who does something stupid, that totally could’ve been avoided, effectively startling you

now you are both screaming for separate reasons as you turn around to look at him, and now you are panicking because oh no, he KNOWS

his wings are fluttering and he feels bad for scaring you as he comes up to wrap his arms around your shoulders, “sorry baby! but that guy is so dumb.”

you are MORTIFIED and now you’re like, “oh my god, you must think im so weird-”

keigo is confused, why would he think that? he genuinely doesn’t realize that people make fun of you for watching anime and he’s so confused by it when you inform him that a lot of people tend to find it weird

“what?”

“people think its weird so i just-” hahahhasdha keigo lowkey wants to take time out of his day in his professional agency to find out who told you it was weird and made you think you had to hide this from him because he wants to know everything about you! you are the love of his life! you shouldn’t feel the need to hide things!

now he feels like maybe he did something to make you think you had to hide your love for anime even though it is literally adorable to watch you

“baby, it’s not weird. i actually think its cute how angry you get at the characters. and i AGREE like how could he just do that-”

“wait you don’t care...?” you are BLUSHING because he thinks you are CUTE not that you didn’t know this already since he was dating you but like

omg

“of course not, also would you mind restarting this anime, im kind of invested- oh and i brought chicken nuggets”

you lowkey wanna cry he’s so cute

he can tell you don’t believe him so he sets the food down on a coffee table and takes your face in his hands and is all like, “baby. i promise you its fine. and adorable. now let’s restart this show so i can watch with you.”

he winks at you and now you’re like, “whatever no i am NOT restarting.”

then he gets all pouty but its fine he doesn’t need to understand the plot to watch with you and enjoy every moment, he also likes when you explain it really excitedly with all these hand movements, and he especially enjoys when you get mad at characters

he finds it hot

hates when you have a crush on a character he gets so jealous and is not afraid to show it kjahsdahsdsh mans will start hating the character just because you keep talking about how hot they are

“they’re just so BEAUTIFUL.”

keigo, self consciously touching his winds, “im beautiful too...”

he’s so cute

throws popcorn at the screen whenever that character comes on

SHINSOU HITOSHI

hahjsdgjasgdj

THIS BOY is so pretty

anyways you probably fell asleep reading manga, or watching anime or something like that, so it’s like 1AM and you were BINGING because that stuff is great and nobody is there to bother you while you read and watch and stuff its you time

and for some reason people have been opposed to this in the past? so now whenever people come to your room your manga are all like lowkey hidden and you make sure there is no evidence of anima

you did NOT want shinsou finding out and thinking you were weird or anything like that, even though liking anime and manga is NOT weird!!!

if anyone tells you other lmk and i will have strong words with them

so you fell asleep and shinsou comes over because he realizes he forgot something in your room, and like the GENTLEMAN he is, he knocks, but you are asleep and do not hear him!

he’s like eh worst case scenario she’s cheating on me and i end up heartbroken, and this is something he genuinely considers sometimes and he would definitely blame himself if he got cheated on

so he sees you sleeping and you are like a mess because you did not intend to fall asleep, so you’re like in your desk chair, the manga is wide open on your desk or your computer is on and there’s the still going anime aksjdhkjdhas

your neck is in a weird funky way that’ll probably hurt in the morning and shinsou is like oh no i gotta move her i dont want her in pain, he is also wondering why you look so cute because what the hell this is unfair stop it

tbh he probably barely notices the manga, like he’ll just nonchalantly close it and place it on your bedside table because reading manga isn’t weird before coming back to you, in the chair, and like picking you up to put you in bed

now you AWAKEN AND YOU ARE A L E R T because it hits you pretty fast that shinsou is here, this is NOT a dream, he probably saw your manga/anime, and now hates you and is carrying you to your death

this is all false

in the midst of your panic, you knock the both of you down onto the ground, and he’s feels so bad for allowing the two of you to fall nkjasdjakn poor bb

“Y/N im so sorry-”

“hitoshi why are you apologizing?”

he just ignores that and he comes over to you on the floor but your gaze is on the closed computer on your desk or the manga that was placed on your bedside table that you DEFINITELY DID NOT PUT THERE

he saw, he definitely saw, and now you are babbling about how weird he must think you are because of those JERKS who made you think anime and manga are weird

“what are you talking about?”

“well, people always told me how weird it was and sometimes they would... say things”

shinsou quickly realizes you were bullied because you liked manga and anime and stuff like that and now he is contemplating murder <3 what a lovely boyfriend

as someone who has experience with bullying himself, he finds this especially stupid, its literally just a show and book, and kinda wants to ask you the names of the people who told you these things so he can hunt them d o w n

instead shinsou prioritizes you and your insecurities first, “babe... no. its just anime? there’s no problem with watching it. whoever told you that was just a jerk.” jk he uses more colorful vocabulary

shinsou is completely ready to spend the next hour convincing you that there is nothing to worry about because there really isn’t

“so you don’t think its weird?” his heart almost breaks when he hears your voice and he just nods and gives you a lil smile

“not at all... actually i was wondering what was so interesting that you stayed up until” he’s looking at the time, “2AM.”

now you’re blushing but you still launch into an explanation of the entire anime and honestly anime/manga plots are so extensive and cool and well done and that just makes them so fun and complicated to explain

shinsou is trying his hardest to understand but you are very cute as you explain using lots of vivid hand gestures and adorable faces and wow he’s been distracted

will try his hardest to understand so that you can talk with him about it more often, genuinely finds it great watching you tell him about something you enjoy so much and hates that you felt the need to keep it a secret

he wonders how many times you hid away the manga or anime when he came over and feels like an inconvenience

anyways he really really really likes you so now he just listens as you rant about how cute certain characters are and lowkey gets jealous

“WHY IS HE SO HOT.”

“he’s not... that hot.” grumbling and stuff as he plays with the edge of his sleeve and borderline glares at the screen.

A/N: i hope this wasn’t bad akshfjakshdkjh

#shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinso hitoshi x reader #shinsou x reader #shinso x reader #hitoshi x reader #hitoshi shinso x reader #hitoshi shinsou x reader #keigo takami x reader #keigo x reader #takami keigo x reader #keigo headcannons #shinsou headcannons #shinso headcannons #hawks x reader #hawks x you #shinsou x you #keigo x you #shinso x you

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tangledstarlight · 4 years ago

Text

hello. if you’ve followed me for more then a week you may have seen me talking abuot the alex 5+1 and how its been torturing me for months. well. it is finally done. i think i deserve a reward to myself.

but yes okay. it’s 5 times alex had just the right thing in his fanny pack +1 time that he didn’t.

anyway!! it’s another 5+1 that’s alex centric.

also on ao3 (link in replies!)

trigger warnings! death mentions (because they’re ghosts), mild swearing, mentions of blood and injuries but nothing graphic.

one.

On his tenth birthday his parents took him to the mall and told him he could pick out anything that he wanted from one store, courtesy of his grandparents. Which, for a ten year old, was a big decision to make. Because there were a lot of things that he wanted.

Alex had dragged them from shop to shop, looking through every piece of clothing, every accessory, every record and tape. There were a lot of things to choose from. He really hated having to make a decision.

It was pure luck when he finally found the thing he wanted. Tucked away behind backpacks and satchel bags and flimsy looking tote bags, Alex found the fanny pack. It was dark grey and made a funny sound when he scratched at the material with his nails. It was also the perfect size to fit his inhaler and a snack and a pen and, if he did it right, probably even a single drum stick.

(The brand new and shiny drum kit currently sitting in his garage at home was his main birthday present, and Alex was more than excited for Luke and Reggie and Bobby to come over later and see it, and now he could show them his new fannypack and they could fill it with all the essentials that ten year olds needed.)

Everyday he woke up and got dressed, the fanny pack would find its way buckled across his chest and he’d check it had everything he needed inside. Inhaler and tissues and crumpled up dollar bills and a pen and a snack, just in case. Because Reggie always got hungry and there were only so many times they could bother their parents before they got annoyed.

They’re sitting in tree house that Reggie’s dad had built – back when Reggie’s dad and mom didn’t spend so much time fighting and his older brother was still around and Reggie didn’t flinch at doors banging – scraps of paper and forgotten homework scattered on the wood.

They’re supposed to be doing homework. Like they do every Saturday morning before they all give in to Luke’s pouting and bike over to Bobby’s place to ‘rehearse’, (it’s more like, they’re all playing at the same time in different keys, but they’re eleven. A killer band isn’t created overnight.) but Luke hasn’t shown up yet and Reggie is on his third candy bar and Bobby gave up on maths homework in favour of his game boy. Alex would be more stressed about the turn of events if it didn’t happen every Saturday.

“Jump, jump, jump, dude! You gotta jump!”

“I know, you saying it over and over isn’t helping man,” Bobby grits out and Alex watches as Reggie hovers over his shoulder, eyes wide and practically hanging off his arm.

“Look out for – Oof. So close man. Shoulda jumped,” Reggie pats Bobby on the shoulder, just dodging as the other boy's elbow moves back to try and catch him in the ribs.

“I swear to god Reg –” Bobby starts and Alex is readying himself either to intervene or move out of the way when Luke’s head pops up through the hole on the floor, wide smile and messy hair and eyes gleaming with some kind of mischief.

“Guys!” They watch as he pulls himself up and into the tree house, they’re all knees bumping and elbows narrowly missing sides and Alex spends several long seconds worrying that this will be the day they no longer all fit. That they’ve finally outgrown the tree house. But then Luke shuffles back, dropping his backpack into the centre and Reggie bends one knee to rest his head on and Bobby drops his hands into his lap, game boy still beeping away.

“I had the best idea,” Luke starts, unzipping his bag and rummaging through it for something, “I was watching this film last night, right? I don’t know what it was, one of those weird ones that’s on at 2am. Not the point. Anyway so there was this group of friends right and they were all moving away and didn’t want to stop being friends so they did this blood pack? And Reggie,” he grunts as he pulls a textbook out of his bag and tosses it aside, Alex feels his brows pull together as he starts to follow Lukes train of thought, “The other day you said you were worried about us going up to middle school. So I thought why not do a blood pact?”

Luke still has his attention firmly on his bag, trying to find something, so he misses the alarmed look that Alex shoots at Bobby and the responding grin that graces Reggie’s face. He can see exactly how this will play out. Luke will make the first cut and Reggie will suddenly remember he doesn’t like the sight of blood and Bobby will go too deep and Alex will have to find a way to get the three of them down a tree without crying.

“Dude, we can’t do a blood pact!”

“Why not?” Reggie asks, lips sliding down in a frown.

“Yeah, why not?” Luke echoes and he’s got half of something pulled out of his bag that Alex can’t identify. But it doesn’t look like a knife, so that’s a little reassuring.

“Because,” he starts slowly pointing first at Reggie, “You don't like the sight of blood for starters.”

Alex watches as Reggie’s mouth forms a small ‘o’, his head bobbing up and down as if he’d forgotten that fact, but Luke rolls his eyes and finally pulls his hand out of his bag and with it comes a carton of something.

“I know that, I didn’t mean a real blood pact,” he shakes his head and Alex blinks, thoroughly confused, “The blood bits’ not the important part, it’s just the whole y’know, promising we’ll always be friends. But we still need to do something kinda gross to make it meaningful, so I went and bought tomato juice. It’s why I was late.”

The grin is back on Reggie’s face and even Bobby is nodding along now. Alex looks from the cartoon in Luke's hands to his friends faces before blowing out a sigh because well. It wasn't the worst idea Luke had had and it would be nice. For them to make a pact, to always be friends. For nothing to change between them.

“How do we do this then?” He asks and it's worth it, giving in, to see the bright smile take over Lukes face as he launches into his plan.

Alex should have expected something to go wrong, it was sort of his job in the group. To worry. But he’d gotten so caught up in the moment, in the sentiments and little speeches Luke said they each had to make, that he forgot to worry about the next stage.

It almost happens in slow motion, Bobby reaches for the carton to take his drink at the same moment that Reggie tries to pass it to him and their hands sort of collide mid pass and suddenly the carton is tipping to the side and red liquid is cascading to the floor. All over their still scattered homework.

“Crap!” In his haste to try and stop the still spilled drink Reggie drops the thing entirely, sending even more of it pouring over the wood and creeping towards them. Luke makes a grab for the juice, trying to scoop it up in his hands and if Alex’s mind wasn’t halfway to panic, he’d have probably burst out laughing. On autopilot Alex’s hands reach up for the fanny pack across his chest, pulling the zipper and digging through for the new pack of tissues that he’d stuffed in there that morning. Almost like he knew something was going to happen.

All their homework is ruined – Alex can’t wait to explain this one to their teacher on Monday – and when they all climb down the tree an hour later they all watch as a trail of red slides down the bark. Despite the mess it had caused, Alex has to give it to Luke, the tomato juice really did look like blood. And he feels closer to his three best friends, which he guesses is worth using his whole supply of tissues.

two.

“Fuck!”

It’s not really the first thing Alex wants to hear as he steps into their rehearsal space. Aka Luke’s parent’s basement that they’d reluctantly agreed to let them use until Bobby’s parents agreed to let them clear out their garage. It was so annoying, waiting for their parents to agree to simple things.

His eyes glance around the mostly empty space, jumping from the fold up chairs and second hand amps and his drums and Reggie’s abandoned bass before landing on Bobby who’s kneeling on the ground near the back wall, guitar leaning against the chipped concrete.

“You okay?” Alex says and flinches when Bobby flinches, turning around quickly to look at him. Either Bobby was too wrapped up in whatever was wrong and hadn’t heard him or Alex had finally perfected walking silently and could start sneaking downstairs at night for a snack.

“I just–” he breathes out a sigh, gesturing helplessly at his guitar and for the first time Alex notices the missing string, “It snapped and I can’t get the new one on.”

“Oh,” that doesn’t really seem worth the tense set of Bobby’s shoulders or the slight shaking of his fingers as he tries to get the new string out of the packet. With a small frown Alex kneels down next to his friend and carefully takes the packet out of his hands. “Want some help?”

As soon as the strings are out of his hands Bobby seems to collapse a little, shoulder against the wall and head dropping with a soft thud, eyes following as he opens the pack. Of them all, Bobby is the most closed off about his feelings, which Alex supposes, isn’t actually that weird for a thirteen year old. But when Luke –- who’s never been able to keep emotions off his face or out of his songs -- and Reggie -- who is never shy about laying his head on your shoulder and telling you he’s sad -- are your friends, it gets a little weird. Even Alex knows he’s crap at hiding how he feels about stuff.

They're three open books with a locked vault.

Because Bobby has a special skill of hiding his feelings behind a mask of indifference and jokes that he’s never offered to teach them. Which is normally fine, but sometimes things leak through and one of them notices that somethings wrong, like right now. Alex has watched him restring his guitar without issue so many times before, never once have his fingers shook.

Chewing on his bottom lip, Alex tries to decide if he should push or just wait it out or ask when the others are around so he can’t avoid the question. His last option makes him frown, because he’d hate it if they did that to him. Put him on the spot about something. And what if there wasn’t even anything wrong and Alex was just overthinking it? Maybe Bobby was just tired, or this string was just particularly tricky?

“Dude, I can practically hear you thinking.” Bobby says, huffing out a shallow laugh and Alex’s eyes widen a little as he looks up in time to see him shuffle around so his back is against the wall, legs stretching out in front of him.

“Sorry,” Alex starts, hands freezing in the air.

“Nah it’s--” he shakes his head, one shoulder shrugging as he frowns at nothing, “It’s fine.”

Alex thinks that’s the end of it, that Bobby isn’t going to say anything else and he’ll just have to wait it out and pretend that something isn’t clearly wrong. Putting the string down he pulls his fanny pack around so he can reach the little pocket hidden on the back (he’s pretty sure you’re meant to keep money in it, but well, he rarely has more than a few dollars on him) and pulls out the little multi-tool that his dad had gotten him for Christmas. Something about ‘being a man now’ and how ‘you can help a cute girl out’. So far all he’d used it for was clipping strings and once to unscrew a vent when Luke accidentally pushed his notebook through.

“I think my parents are getting a divorce.”

That almost makes him choke on his own spit, head whipping around to look at Bobby and all thoughts of his dad leaving his head.

“What?” he doesn’t mean to say it so loud, but judging by the way Bobby winces he must have practically shouted it. “Sorry, I just--” he doesn’t know what to say, mouth opening wordlessly. None of them have the best home lives, all their relationships with their parents have their issues.

But Bobby’s have always been -- well not the most reliable, but most consistent. Together, but distant. Together, but not home each weekend. Together, but happy? Alex feels a little like his world view has been tilted. Because if anyone's parents should be getting a divorce, shouldn’t it be Reggie’s? He bites at his lip at the thought, instantly regretting it.

“Pretty sure my mom caught my dad sleeping with his secretary,” he says with a small frown, wiping his cheek across his shoulder and Alex drops the multi-tool on top of the string and shuffles his way across the floor until he’s sitting next to Bobby, backs against the wall. “Which is pretty fucking cliche of him. But yeah. I caught them fighting about it last night.”

Alex doesn’t know what to say or do. This isn’t exactly a conversation he’d come prepared for or thought he’d ever have to have. Alex was still trying to remember his new school schedule, he didn’t have the time to prepare for possible emotional family conversations. He wishes Luke was here, or Reggie, so he didn’t feel so much pressure to say the right thing.

“That sucks man,” he blows out a breath, drawing his knees up so he can rest his hands on his things, fingers tapping across his jeans. “You wanna stay at mine tonight? We can rent Back to the Future and eat my sisters stash of popcorn?”

“Can we get the second one too?” There’s a slight smile tugging at Bobby’s lips and Alex returns it, fingers stilling as he feels some of the tension in his shoulders release.

“Course man, can’t just watch the first.”

three.

There was an unspoken knowledge in their friend group.

Luke had a tendency to get into fights he couldn’t win.

Sure, they were almost always in deference of Reggie or Bobby or him, but Alex really wished he’d stop getting into them. Or would at least start to win. Honestly, you’d think by now that Luke would know how to throw a better punch, or least know how to dodge one.

It was a little embarrassing, the amount of fights that Luke had lost -- not that Luke saw it that way. Any fight that resulted in him sporting a black eye or split lip, not his friends, was a win to him. Which was a nice sentiment, but Alex was fairly sure that his idiotic heroics were going to give him a heart attack one day.

Luke’s constant scrapes were why Alex had started to carry around band-aids and disinfectant and bandages in the first place. All stored carefully in his fanny pack along with his inhaler and extra guitar picks and a granola bar for Reggie.

It was also why Alex wasn’t all that surprised when Luke found him after school, holding his wrist carefully against his chest with one hand and trying to wipe a dribble of blood off his lip on his shoulder. A split lip, a scrap across his cheek, and once he got a better look, Alex was pretty sure he’d find split knuckles too.

“Have you got a band-aid or something?” Luke’s words come out a little mumbled as he tries not to reopen the cut on his lip and Alex just raises an eyebrow at him. A band-aid? Really?

Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment Alex mentally counts to ten, reminds himself that his friend probably has a valid reason for looking like this.

Even though it’s only been twenty minutes since he last saw him. All he had to do was wait by their bikes while Alex went to talk to their history teacher about something. Twenty minutes alone and he’d found himself a fight.

“That’s –” he starts, then shakes his head, letting his shoulders drop as he breathes out a sigh and reopens his eyes, “Okay. Come on.”

Most of the school has cleared out as he leads them towards an empty bench, pushing Luke down onto it and pulling at the zip of his fanny pack to dig out the little homemade first aid kit he’d put together in a ziplock bag.

“Do I want to ask what happened?” He holds out a hand palm up for Luke to put his injured one in, biting his lip as he inspect the split skin and dried blood. It’s not as bad as he’d thought it would be, and it means Luke at least got one punch in this time.

“Some guys were laughing cause Bobby tripped getting on the bus and-” Luke hisses out a breath as Alex pours some water over his hand and starts gently dabbing at the cuts with a tissue, “Reggie dropped his bag when he tried to help him up. And I told ‘em it wasn’t funny and they said it was and I said it wasn’t and–- you get it.”

Luke shrugs up at him, starts trying to chew on his bottom lip before remembering it’s hurt and gives Alex a sheepish smile. Which is just annoying. Because Alex is the one trying to be annoyed here, trying to keep a stern look at his face even as locks of blonde hair fall in front of his eyes and he has to blow them away.

“You know you don’t have to start a fight every time someone’s mean to us, right?” He balls up the damp bloody tissue to put in the bin later and reaches for the cheap roll of bandages that he’d swiped from his mom's first aid kit at home. (All his medical knowledge comes from his mom, from watching her volunteer at church feats and garden parties as to who to go to when you got a little hurt. For someone with such a fully stocked box of medical tools, she sure did just pass out band-aids and suggest a glass of water a lot.)

“First, I didn’t actually start this fight. The one with the lip piercing threw the first punch,” Luke points his uninjured hand at him, like he’s just made a good argument before his lips pull down into a frown. “And I know I don’t have to. But I–- People are mean to you guys about stuff that doesn’t make sense. I don’t like that. Plus everyone knows that you guys would never do anything back, except maybe Bobby if it was really bad, and I just want them to know I think their assholes.”

It feels like there's more to it then that, Luke doesn't supply anymore insights into his thought process and Alex is too worried about their upcoming history text to push it today.

"You’re so-” Alex starts but stops himself, rolling his eyes as he ties off the bandage and shakes his head at Luke. “That’s a really stupid reason to get in all these fights, you do know that right?”

“Yup!” He inspects his hand, the off-white bandage wrapping around his knuckles and flexes his fingers to test how tight it’s tied, then his eyes drift to the ziplock bag and the band-aids, “You got any of those cool glow in the dark ones?”

Alex opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, but no words come out. It still surprises him, even after being friends for so long, how willing Luke is to get hurt for them. How he doesn’t seem to see any issue with it. He really hopes that one day he won’t feel the need to take a punch for any of them, that he won’t need to. But until then Alex supposes he doesn’t mind being a fourteen year old first responder. It’s kinda fun, sometimes. Like when he gets to dictate who gets which band-aid.

“You used the last glow in the dark one on Sunday. So you’re stuck with trucks.”

He’s still wearing the band-aid with little trucks on a dirt track across his cheek when he comes into school the next day and Alex really tries to stay annoyed at him. But it’s kinda hard when the only reason he’s got the cut is because he loves his friends. So Alex just rolls his eyes fondly and makes a mental note to ask his mom for glow in the dark band-aids when she next goes to the store.

four.

“You think Ron’s got the new Garth Brooks record?”

At least, that’s what Alex thinks Reggie asks, because it’s more like a mumbled group of sounds as the other boy stuffs a large forkful of pasta into his mouth. He glances at Luke, eyebrow raised to see if he’d understood the question right. And judging by the face Luke pulls, he thinks he did.

“I mean, probably. But we’ve been over this. No country in the van.”

Alex knows he’s trying to look stern and serious, Reggie knows it too. But Luke’s nose is scrunched up and his eyebrows are drawn together and his lower lip almost looks like it’s about to start quivering. Stern and serious isn’t the first thought that comes to mind. Cute, adorable, puppy like, sure. Stern or angry? Never.

“You’re just jealous,” Reggie starts, gulping as he swallows his mouthful and makes them both wait as he dramatically takes a sip of his soda too, “You wish you could do a country twang. It’s okay Luke-y, not everyone is musically gifted.”

He bites the end of his straw to keep from laughing at the look of annoyance that crosses Luke’s face, the desired reaction if Reggie’s widening grin is anything to go by.

“Dude you’ve done it now,” he mutters softly, but he can’t really find it in him to be too mad about the rant that Reggie has just triggered. Because it’s the first time in weeks that Reggie has smiled fully, and the bruise on his left cheekbone is now a faded purple and the arm he had been extra careful about touching is resting full length on the table as he taps the end of his fork on the wood.

Luke seems to know it too, if the gentle smile that briefly crosses his face when Reggie looks away for a moment is anything to go by. It had been to Luke's house that he’d run too, and Alex is honestly pretty proud of his friend for not leaping out his bedroom window to go fight Reggie’s dad the second he’d shown up. Alex was fairly confident that if Reggie asked to play nothing but country music for the next ten years Luke would agree if it meant they’d get to see his full blown smile without hints of sadness.

Sometimes, Alex wished he had half the confidence and determination that Luke had. Wished that when his fight or flight instincts were put to the test his reaction wasn’t flight. That he wasn’t always a little bit terrified of what would happen if he was honest with everyone, of what would happen if he threw a punch instead of trying to talk something out.

Probably just result in spending more money on band-aids and bandages.

Blinking the thoughts from his head, the blonde tunes back into the conversation. Pros and cons of having one country song on their demo.

“Come on! We’d all so rock a cowboy hat,” Reggie punctuated his point by stabbing his fork into the table, plastic progs snapping and flying into the air. “Fuck sake,” he mutters, a little mournfully as he pulls his arm back in to look at the one remaining bent prong and then down at his still half full container of pasta.

“I think the fork disagrees with the cowboy hats,” Luke grins, flicking one of the little plastic pieces at Reggie who just pouts for a moment longer.

And Alex can see where his brain goes, can practically track the thought process and the solution he comes up with as Reggie tosses his fork at Luke and starts to try and pick up the food with his fingers. But before he gets that far, Alex is pulling another fork out of his fanny pack, metal and wrapped in a napkin.

(Someone had once said to be prepared for all possible situations. Sixteen year old Alex had decided that meant he should start carrying extra cutlery around. Just in case. In case of what, he hadn’t known, but apparently it wasn’t a totally crazy idea, so screw you Bobby for laughing at it.)

“Here.”

Reggie accepts the fork, pout turning to a smile and sticking his tongue out at Luke who just rolls his eyes.

“Alex’ll do a country song with me, won’t you?” Both pairs of eyes are looking at him now and he doesn’t know if Reggie is being a 100% serious about a country song for their demo or wearing cowboy hats on stage, but he does know that either way it’ll make Luke do his cute angry face again and well. Alex can’t resist making him make that face.

“Oh yeah. We’d rock cowboy hats.”

five.

Being dead was -- not what Alex had expected. And it’s a little weird, because growing up he’d spent a lot of time thinking about what happened after you died. Where you went and what you could do and who would be there.

His parents were very insistent on ‘be a good person in life, don’t commit any sins and get into heaven’ so, when they’d died and ended up in a dark room, Alex had thought that was proof that being gay really was a sin and his parents had been right and now he’d dragged his best friends into hell with him. Luke might blame himself for them dying, and Reggie might blame himself for them being eternity linked, but Alex would always blame himself for that 25 year black room limbo.

Even if it wasn’t his fault. But he couldn’t convince the others that it wasn’t their fault, and they couldn’t convince him it wasn’t his fault and it was a loop they’d been stuck in for months now.

Julie called them all idiots for it. Fondly. With an eye roll. And a gentle smile when she’d pull them into a group hug.

Because they could do that now.

Hug her. So they did it a lot.

Group hugs and side hugs and high fives and piling onto her bed on a Sunday afternoon to watch one of the many Disney films they’d missed out on. They all latched onto her more than they already had.

Julie had pulled them out of the dark room -- hell -- and back into the light and then she’d saved them from zapping out of existence. Reggie might insist she was a witch and Luke would say a star, but Alex, who had a pretty rocky relationship with religion and God, was fairly confident in calling Julie an angel. (He was also willing to bet good money on in a fight, between a god, death and Julie, that Julie would win.)

And she didn’t seem to mind that they’d gotten a little...clingy over the last few months since the zapping had stopped. Which was nice, that they hadn’t annoyed her enough to send them packing yet. That she seemed just as attached to them as they were to her.

It’s with that thought in his mind that Alex knocks on her bedroom door. Julie loves them, Julie only invokes the boundaries rule when they snoop through her stuff, Julie isn’t about to tell them to leave because Alex is a little bored. At least he hopes she won’t.

“Come in.”

He almost misses her response, both because of his mildly spiralling thoughts and because her voice is soft, quite. Now his thoughts turn to worry as he pokes his head through the doors, eyes immediately landing on Julie tucked into her bed, surrounded by pillows and curtains closed. His brows pull together as he hesitantly steps through the door.

“Are you okay?” He asks, trying to keep his voice as low as hers had been. Slowly she lifts her head from the pillow, brushing curls out of her eyes as she looks at him with a small smile.

“Oh Alex, hey. I-- yeah, I’m fine. Just--” she trails off, blinks a little blearily at him and for the first time he realises that he’s woken her up. Shit. “Not feeling too great. Was trying to nap.”

“Shit, sorry, I’ll go. I didn’t know you weren’t well, I’ll um yeah. I’ll go.” He’s got half his leg through the door when she calls his name, a slight laugh in her voice and looks at her over his shoulder.

“It’s okay, you can stay. I wasn’t really getting much rest anyway.”

He opens his mouth to ask if she’s sure, but Julie’s already shuffling around in her bed, moving pillows and lifting the duvet for him to climb in next to her. Alex hesitates for a moment, bites his cheek before turning around fully and walking over, kicking his shoes off before sliding under the cover and making himself comfy.

“Why do you have so many pillows?” He asks, fluffing one up behind his head and moving another one to fill the space between the edge of the bed and the little side table.

“Don’t know,” she shrugs, and he knows she’s watching him with amusement when he repositions the pillow next to her head so it’s straight. He frowns a little at her answer because, well, that’s not really an answer. How does one person have like, ten pillows on their bed and not know why or how?

“That's not-- okay,” he sighs, letting it go, because now that he’s next her, Alex can see she’s shivering a little and her cheeks look flushed and on instinct he reaches out his hand to lay it against her forehead. She lets out a small hiss and Alex moves to move away when her hand comes up, warm fingers wrapping around his wrist to keep his hand in place.

“Stay there, your hands are cold, they feel nice.” And well, they might make fun of Luke for not being able to say no to Julie, but so far he hasn’t been able to do it yet either. So he keeps his hand on her forehead and moves his other to gently cup her chin and part of her cheek until he’s basically holding her head up in his hands, he watches as her eyes flutter shut.

“Have you taken anything?” He tries to keep his voice quiet, not wanting to disturb her too much but her eyes open and she shakes her head, blowing out a sigh as she moves herself out of his hold, head hitting one of her many pillows.

“All we have is cough syrup and dad’s out and I didn’t want to bother Victoria.”

So she’d taken herself to bed and tried to tackle whatever illness she had alone? Alex frowns at her, lets out a small tut as he pulls his fanny pack across his chest, unzips it and roots around for the ziplock bag of first aid things before pulling out a half used pack of paracetamol, leaving the bag on the bed. He’s dead, and so are his most clumsy friends, they don’t really need band-aids anymore.

There’s a bottle of water on the table next to him which Alex grabs, pops out two of the little white tablets and passes them both to Julie, who raises her eyebrows at him, but accepts.

“You know you’ve got three ghosts who would have happily gone to a store to get you something if you’d asked, right?” He’s sort of teasing, but sort of not as he watches her sink back against the pillows, water bottle still in her grasp. Turning her head a little, just enough so she can see him she shoots him a small smile.

“Didn’t want to bother you guys. You're my friends, not my personal shoppers and yesterday Luke had to go to the store because we forgot milk. Don’t won’t you thinking I’m just using you for your ghostly teleportation,” she says it like a joke, but there’s a sad sort of look in her eyes. The kind of look he used to see in Reggie’s back when they were kids and he thought they’d get annoyed with him. It had never even occurred to Alex that Julie might think they’d get fed up with her.

“Jules, you let us live in your garage. For free. The least we can do is the occasional magical shop,” he shuffles down in the bed until his head is resting on a pillow and they’re eye to eye, “And anyway, you could never bother us. We kinda owe our whole existence to you and you’re family and if you need help it’s a no questions asked type situation.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

She looks at him for a moment, eyes searching his face for something before she lets out a breath, shoulders relaxing and then she’s shuffling across the bed to lay her head on his shoulder, hair tickling his cheek but he doesn’t mind. Alex brings one arm up around her back and pulls her closer, tugging the duvet up to cover them a little more. They lie in silence for a while, Alex idly drumming his fingers on her upper arm and Julie tracing the letters on his hoodie. He doesn’t mean to pop the little peaceful bubble they’ve created but a thought shoves its way to the forefront of his mind and his fingers still.

“Hey uh, so do you think paracetamol goes out of date? Because that one I gave you is at least twenty-six years old.”

+one

Maybe, if Alex hadn’t been so wrapped up in his own head and trying to work through all of the sudden changes in his life, he would have noticed sooner.

At least, that’s what he’s going to tell himself and anyone else who might ask. He had a lot going on. He couldn’t possibly notice everything. Even something as big as this.

So yeah, he was going to blame all the crazy shit in his life for his sudden obliviousness.

The skate park was mostly empty when he got there – he forgot how long it could take to get somewhere when you couldn’t just poof into existence wherever you wanted. Being dead might have been bad, but he really missed the teleporting powers – which made sense, because the sun was starting to set and the air was growing colder. But he could hear the sound of wheels on concrete in the distance and followed it.

For a while, Alex just watched. He had never really cared all that much about skateboarding before (and honestly, he didn’t care all that much about it now, but he did like a certain skater an awful lot), but he had to admit it was fascinating to watch. The coordination and the skill and the lack of fear about falling.

Alex had always been scared about falling, physically and mentally and in love.

About hitting the ground and getting hurt and not being able to get back up. And he had fallen a lot. Out of a treehouse and down stairs. Had been pushed down. On concrete and on grass. Had been hurt. Luke and Reggie had always been there to help him back up though.

It didn’t mean it didn’t still scare him shitless. Falling.

Because what if one day he fell and there was no one to help him back up? What if one day he fell and everyone around him decided he was too much effort to help back up? What if one day he fell and staying down just seemed like the better option?

It was supposed to be one of the perks of coming back as a ghost. Of knowing that if he fell he couldn’t physically get hurt, and that Luke and Reggie would be there because they were always there and he was dead, falling in love shouldn’t have been a worry.

Of course, then he’d gone and got knocked off his feet, stinging palms and phantom bruises and hair flipping as the rest of the street blurred and all he could see was Willie.

And suddenly he was falling. Physically and mentally and in love.

Which was pretty fucking crazy. Who fell in love at first sight anyway? That wasn’t supposed to be a real thing. It was supposed to be something you read about or saw in silly cheesy rom-coms or from songs that people in love wrote.

So he’d met Willie, had fallen face first onto the ground, literally, and into like and then into love and then into life again.

It was a lot.

It was too much.

Too much change and more change and changing back and unanswered questions.

Was it really so hard to send a couple of ghost handbooks down?

So Alex had gone for a walk, to clear his head, to sort through his thoughts, to get a grip on the feeling of falling. He’d ended up at the skate park without really meaning too, not that he’d had any real destination in mind.

Sitting on a bench, he pressed two fingers to the pulse point on his wrist, counting the beats –- it’s been a few weeks and he’s still not used to having a beating heart, is always a little worried it’s all some big trick and he’ll wake up one day back as a ghost -– as he watches Willie go down a ramp and flip his board mid air.

Still being able to see with Willie was one of the many unanswered questions that he had.

(Maybe he should start making a list. Not that he thought he’d ever get any answers for them, but it might be nice. To have a list of all the questions about his death and his after life and his re-life. He could call it Tales of BHD (before hot-dog death). Julie might have some comments.)

Deep down Alex knew he shouldn’t question it. They’d been given a second chance, it was a miracle and magic and amazing. But he’d never done very well with questions without answers. He wished he could accept it as easily as Luke and Reggie and Julie had. That it was love or a gift or will power. It didn’t seem very likely, but he wasn’t about to argue it.

They’d been dead. Now they weren’t. It was a miracle.

He might have thought so if he could still hug Willie. But it was like when they’d first met Julie, he reached out to touch his shoulder, his hand, and passed right through him. Alex now knows how Luke felt and kind of feels bad for ever teasing him about. A re-lifer being in love with a ghost is kinda painful. And yet, he can’t seem to stop himself from seeking Willie out. No one’s ever called Alex the smart one.

There’s a sudden crashing sound, wood hitting concrete and Willie letting out a string of curse words and Alex immediately zeros in on him. On the ground. Without really stopping to think about it Alex is up off the bench and running the short distance until he’s next to him by the time Willie has pushed himself up onto his knees.

“Shit are you okay?” He reaches out a hand, to touch his shoulder, to help him up, he doesn’t know. But stops himself short. Because he can’t touch him, and every time that his hand phases through they both look away sadly.

“I’m– yeah I’m good. Had worse spills,” there’s a toothy smile on his face as he says it, but Willie’s eyes have caught on Alex’s still outstretched hand, a sadness flashes across his eyes quickly before vanishing.

Alex just stands there a little awkwardly, stuffing his hands into his pockets, as he watches Willie stand up, wincing a little at some unknown injury – which okay, when he thinks back on it, that should have been his first sign.

“What ha–” Alex starts, but his eyes catch on Willie’s knees and the blood slowly spilling down his leg from a cut. “Shit you’re bleeding! You said you were fine!” He doesn’t mean to sound so accusational, but well, how can he help if no one tells him when they're hurt?

Willie looks at him in confusion before down at his legs, eyes widening at the blood and Alex starts to worry that the other boy might faint. Does he not like the sight of blood? Oh god, he should probably sit down before he gets more hurt.

“Sit down I should have something for it, hang on.” Without thinking, Alex puts his hand on Willie’s shoulder and guides him back down to the ground, to the lip off the end of one of the ramps and makes sure he’s sat before turning his attention to his fanny pack. His fingers catch on a drum stick, a lip balm, one of Julie’s scrunchies, his inhaler, but no ziplock bag of first aid. Shit. He’d left it in Julie’s room, months ago. Because he’d been dead. And hadn’t needed any of it. Fuck.

He looks back at Willie, mouth opening to tell him the bad news, but Willie is already looking at him with wide, scared eyes. He has one hand gripping the side of the ramp and his other is resting over his chest. Over his heart.

“Alex,” he starts and that’s when Alex realises that he doesn’t look scared. It's shock. There’s tears pooling in his eyes and, like a bus hitting him, Alex realises that his hand hadn’t phased through when he’d guided him to sit down.

“You– I– What?” Is all he gets out, which doesn’t make any sense but Willie seems to get it because he nods his head. And then Willie is standing up, hissing a little as he unbends his knee and dimly, Alex is aware that it’s started bleeding a little again, but all that is second to the feeling of Willie carefully, slowly, gently, reaching for his hand. And holding it. Fingers linking. Solid and real and warm. With his other hand Alex reaches for his neck, lays his fingers against soft skin and feels for a pulse. For the fluttering of a heartbeat and lets out a wet laugh when he finds it. He doesn’t know when he started crying, but it doesn’t matter.

Alex uses the hand that Willie is still holding to pull the other boy towards him, lets the fingers on his neck slip around until his arm is around his back, and is pulling him into a hug he’s been craving for a month.

“How?” It’s the first thing Willie says as he pulls away, not far, because Alex had let out a small whine as he’d tried to step away and wasn’t even ashamed of it.

“I have no idea,” he shrugs, because he doesn’t. He has no answers for any of this. But he’s willing to not question it, he decides, if he and the people he loves most in the world get a second chance at life. Together. “I’m starting to not question these things and just say thank you.”

Willie laughs then, a little watery, but still bright and kind and so full of life that no one would have ever known he’d been a ghost a short while ago.

“Fair enough,” they’re still stood close together, hands awkwardly intertwined between them and Alex’s fingers are tangled in his hair. But neither of them make any move to pull away. Willie pulls a face, lips twisting to the side and Alex raises an eyebrow at him, “Where the hell am I going to live now? Caleb already hated that I've been sleeping at the club, he's never gonna let me back in now."

Now it’s Alex’s turn to laugh, shaking his head a little at the question, because at least this one he has an answer too. He detangles his fingers from Willie’s hair carefully and takes a half step away, just enough for him to properly hold his hand, pulling him over to his abandoned skateboard.

“Well, lucky for you, I happen to know the coolest girl with the coolest dad who likes to take in stray used to be ghosts.”

Willie picks up his skateboard and when Alex starts to walk, pulls them to a stop, a worried little crease between his brows as he looks at him.

“Are you sure Julie will be cool with me crashing with you all? I don’t want to like, intrude or get in the way.”

“I’m pretty sure she’d re-kill me if I didn’t bring you home with me,” Alex shakes his head, a little fondly and with a little exasperation. But this time, when he starts to walk, pulling Willie along with him, his boyfriend doesn’t stop them. And if this is what unanswered questions gets him, well Alex will learn to live with them.

#julie and the phantoms #alex mercer #julie molina #luke patterson #reggie peters #willie #willie jatp #alex x willie #jatp #jatp fic #bobby wilson #trevor wilson #wait. what tag do you use for him fuck fgdhjs #rosie vs writing #*#still haven't sorted out a fic master list or a tag should really do that huh #*fics

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k-pop-imagines · 4 years ago

Text

ATEEZ Reaction || You call him in the middle of the night

>>> HONGJOONG <<<

You had a pretty bad day and when you come home from your shift, you badly need to talk and maybe vent to someone.

You try calling Hongjoong but he doesn’t pick up. You give up after about three tries, remembering that he’s probably in the studio and his phone is either on silent, airplane more, or completely shut off.

He calls you back as soon as he takes a break and checks his phone for the first time in hours.

You playfully scold him, telling him that he shouldn’t be up this late since he’s got a schedule early in the morning, in a few hours. But you also understand that once he’s got an idea stuck in his head, he simply can’t rest until it’s written down.

You confess that you haven’t had a very good day and despite his work, he’ll take the time to listen to you.

Hongjoong rambles about his own day afterwards to take your mind off of your issues. He’ll talk about what he’s working on and ask your opinion on a few things before urging you to go to sleep, promising he’ll be home with you soon.

>>> SEONGHWA <<<

When his phone starts ringing on the nightstand, he stirs almost immediately.

He’s a little disorientated at first but as soon as he sees your name on the display, he’s wide awake.

Seonghwa is super confused and very, very worried. You never called him this late - or this early - before. Did something happen? Were you hurt? Did you get into an accident? The wildest scenarios run through his head in the few seconds it takes for him to reach the phone and accept the call.

“What’s up? Are you okay?” When you hear the worry in his voice, you instantly feel bad for contacting him. You beat around the bush for a while, feeling embarrassed about the reason you were calling.

“I just wanted to hear your voice...”

After hearing your words, he sighs in relief and lets out a small chuckle.

Even though Seonghwa is really tired, he talks about his day for a while and will even sing you a lullaby, if you ask nicely.

>>> YUNHO <<<

It takes quite a while for him to wake up and realize what exactly is going on. He spends a few minutes searching for his phone, almost missing your call.

His voice sounds hoarse and drowsy when he picks up and asks what’s up, making you feel bad for waking him up.

“So, uhm. I’ve got a small problem. No. A big one, actually.”

He forces himself to sit up straight and focus on your words despite still being half-asleep. “Which is?”

“There’s a bug in my bedroom. A huge one. Like, a moth the size of my head.”

Yunho lets out a small laugh, not because he’s making fun of you, but because he finds it absolutely adorable. He also feels kind of honored that your first instinct was to call him.

Even though it takes some convincing, he agrees to come over to save you from the vicious beast, secretly hoping you were just exaggerating when you described its size.

>>> YEOSANG <<<

You feel lonely. ATEEZ left to go on tour around two weeks ago and while you try to keep in contact, Yeosang is often very tired after performing or busy with oversea schedules.

Today, after an extremely stressful argument with your boss, you just need to hear your boyfriend’s voice, even if it’s only for a few seconds.

When he picks up the phone and drowsily asks if you know what time it is, it hits you. Somehow, you completely forgot about the time difference and that it was the middle of the night for him.

Yeosang playfully scolds you but he’s secretly very happy that you decided to call him, even if the timing wasn’t the best.

He talks a little about the concert, keeping his voice as quiet as possible so he doesn’t wake up his roommate.

You end up talking for almost an hour when he realizes that he has to get up soon and has to end the call, but you’re more than thankful for the time you got to have with him.

>>> SAN <<<

San is utterly confused when he wakes up to the personalized ringtone he set for you. It’s 2am and you had met just a few hours earlier, was everything alright?

“What’s up, love?”, he asks, trying to sound as awake as possible even though he could barely keep his eyes open.

“I’m sorry for calling you in the middle of the night... but I had a nightmare and I can’t fall back asleep.”

He tries to comfort you, even offering to come over but you decline, knowing that he’d have to get up early and you didn’t want to inconvenience him even more.

His comforting words turn into mindless talks about literally anything that could distract you but he’s so tired that he ends up falling asleep in the middle of the conversation. Lucky for him, the same thing happens on the other end of the line.

>>> MINGI <<<

The sound of thunder and the flickering night sky wake you up abruptly. Instinctively, you reach for your phone and dial your boyfriend’s number.

Mingi blindly tries to find his phone, head still pressed into the pillow. The only sound greeting you is a barely audible “Mhm?”, indicating that he was fast asleep until know.

“Ah, did I wake you up? I’m sorry,” you quickly apologize but Mingi tells you not to worry and that he was awake anyway, even though that was a blatant lie. He just didn’t want you to feel bad.

“I know you don’t like thunderstorms, so I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” He smiles softly at your words.

The two of you talk about each other’s day, trying to distract and comfort the other through the loud noises outside. All the fear either of you had was washed away.

You talk for a long time, a few hours until the storm is over and both of you can go back to sleep peacefully.

>>> WOOYOUNG <<<

It’s the middle of the night and you want, no, you need cuddles. And you are willing to risk an annoyed or even angry Wooyoung to get them.

It takes a few minutes and two failed call attempts for him to wake up and pick up his phone.

He’s cranky and does not appreciate the fact that you woke him up. When you state your reasoning, he does soften up a little, though.

“I’ll give you a kiss if you come over and cuddle me.” “Meh.” “Two kisses?” “You got anything better?” “Fine, I’ll order pizza as well.” “I’m on my way, babe.”

There is no way in hell he would admit that he would have come over anyway. He craves affection just as much as you do and was genuinely glad you woke him up for a cuddle session.

>>> JONGHO <<<

Jongho doesn’t wake up by himself, Seonghwa comes over from the other room because he heard the phone ringing and shakes the maknae awake to have him pick up his call.

“I think there’s a ghost in my apartment.”

Once he’s awake, as awake as one can be at 3am, he listens intently.

A part of him desperately wants to tease you but when he hears in your voice that you’re genuinely scared, he stops himself and tries to take you seriously.

You explain what kind of paranormal events have been happening recently, and especially this night. He tries to give reasonable explanations but you refute all of them. “It’s probably your neighbor walking around upstairs.” “She’s on vacation.” “There could be mice in the walls.” “We had an exterminator here yesterday, he said everything was clean.”

He sighs, and even though he is definitely sleep-deprived, he decides to rush over to protect you.

#ateez imagine #ateez x reader #ateez reaction #ateez reactions #ateez scenario #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #jongho #wooyoung

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generallybarzy · 5 years ago

Text

opportunities

4 times he could have kissed you + the time he finally did

summary: You and Mat have been friends for a long time, and for months now he’s been looking for the perfect opportunity to kiss you. Unfortunately, things never seem to go as planned for him, it seems something is always in the way and it takes a while to get that kiss. an: I never thought I’d actually write a 4+1 but I had an idea and ran with it, so here we go I guess! Also yes it is 2am for me, but I got this all written in 24 hours, yay! Hey, @mbarzals you suggested a drabble of the last part, but I got a little bit out of control haha ❤ word count: 4.7k

He wasn’t quite sure when he first started feeling this way, but maybe he should have seen it coming all along.

You’d been friends for a long time, so long that he frequently caught himself forgetting there had even been a time before you were in his life. It started out with him realizing just how at home he felt with you, no matter where he was. You were there whenever he needed you, listening to him, hyping him up, and comforting him. But there was always a stiff line between the two of you, a divide in your relationship, keeping you strictly platonic no matter how much he wanted to change that. He wanted to hold you, kiss you, call you his, and let everyone know you were his. He wanted to be selfish and keep you for himself.

God, Mat wanted to kiss you so bad.

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, the first time he felt anything more than friendship towards you, it was purely physical attraction, caused mostly- he believed- by the alcohol in his bloodstream and the endorphins in his head.

You had come to an Islanders game- always loving to see him doing what he does best, what he’s passionate about- and were proudly sporting his name and number across your back, which made Mat’s heart flutter in his chest in pride when he saw you during warmups. Everyone knew it was going to be a tough game and that the two teams would be neck and neck the whole time, so when the Islanders ended up winning in the most exciting, most cinematic way possible- with special thanks to your own Mat Barzal during overtime- it called for a celebration, and Mat soon found himself at a nearby bar, surrounded by his celebrating teammates and, most importantly, you.

The hazy feeling caused by his drink and the excitement of winning didn’t go so well when faced with seeing you in his jersey, hanging on his arm, and smiling up at him with flushed cheeks. “You’re so good at what you do, Mat. You’re such a fucking star!” His teammates cheered and joined in. “Barzal with the game-winning goal!”

He almost felt bashful being so flooded by this praise, but the way you were dancing to the music with your friends and his was tugging at his heart in a way he wasn’t used to. You weren’t even dressed in any sexy way, no skinny jeans or tight dresses like the other girls he found hot, just a pair of leggings and his jersey swallowing your form. But shit, you were so hot in the way you moved, the way you swayed to the music and grabbed his hand with a smile, pulling him to join.

“Come on, Barzy.” He snapped out of his trance at the sound of your voice. “Did that goal get to your head already? Are you too much of a star now to dance with me?”

“Never.”

Maybe the way you moved with each other that night was much more than platonic, but it felt so right, and he was sure you’d both forget it in the morning anyway- the way you were letting yourself go with him, the way you were smiling and laughing while dancing with him, touching him in a way that friends really shouldn’t. He wanted to hold on to this tipsy, carefree feeling with you feeling for the rest of time, and never have to worry about being just friends. It was like electricity, the way your hands felt on the back of his neck, and he needed more.

You were drunk, giggly, and still praising him with everything in you as he pulled you out of the heat of the club and into the cool air outside. You clung onto him, arms around his waist and smiling against his chest as he called an Uber so he could make sure you got home safe. “I’m so proud of you, Maty!”

“You know,” He put away his phone and lifted his arm to hug you back, smiling against your hair and savoring the feeling of you pressed against him. Sure, you’d hugged before, but those were “friend hugs”, this was different. This was intimate- pressed chest to chest, your hands slipping under his shirt to touch his skin as if you thought he wouldn’t notice your sneaky fingers. “I wouldn’t have scored that goal if I didn’t have my good luck charm there.” You looked up at him and brought your hands up to thread together behind his neck. You meant it innocently, he knew, because you were drunk, but he couldn’t help the warmth that flooded through him at the way your fingers played with his hair, the way your eyes caught his and your head tilted to the side.

“Me?”

“Yeah, you.” He watched as if in a trance as your lips moved, watched the smile that curled onto them when you hummed in response, and, though he couldn’t figure out this feeling inside him, that was the first moment he knew he wanted to kiss you. But you were drunk, and probably wouldn’t remember it anyway, so he held back, his hand spreading over your shoulder blades, fingers tracing the BARZAL on your back.

He wasn’t quite sure what he was feeling yet, but there was one thing he knew for certain: he could get used to seeing you in his jersey.

II.

That was the first night he wanted to kiss you, but he still had no idea, at that time, what he felt towards you. How much you truly mattered to him. How much he wanted you for himself.

It was late in the evening, and Mat was already getting ready to go to bed when he heard the knock at his door. In sweatpants and a t-shirt that he threw on quickly for modesty, he made his way over to the door and rubbed a hand over his face to try and appear more awake, wondering who it could be. And there you were, standing outside his apartment in a pretty dress, holding your heels in your hands and wiping away the tears streaking your face. “Can I come in?”

“Shit, of course.” Though he had almost been asleep, Mat was immediately alert when he saw the state you were in. “What happened?” He closed the door behind you as you immediately shuffled over to his couch and crumbled down into a sobbing ball.

“Patrick never showed.”

“What?” Mat had been there when you first started dating this guy. He had seemed cool from what Mat could tell about him, and you had been ecstatic to finally have a date that went well. That was a few months ago, and now, seeing you so heartbroken because of him made Mat angry. Who could break up with someone as perfect as you? He didn’t understand the slight twinge of joy inside of him that you were single again. He pushed it away. “What do you mean he never showed?”

“We had a date tonight. Or we should’ve. We were gonna meet a few hours ago, but he never showed.”

“Maybe...” Mat sat next to you and pulled you up from where you were curled on your side against the back of the couch, searching for words to console you. “Maybe he forgot?” It didn’t sound very comforting, but it was the best he could come up with. “Maybe he went to the wrong place?”

“No, we texted before, kinda. I reminded him and he only sent back a thumbs up. And now he’s not answering me, even though it says he’s active!”

“Okay...” he lifted his hands, placing them flat on your shoulders and looking you in the eyes, trying to reel you in from your rant before you started sobbing again. “Listen, fuck Patrick.” His heart glowed when you finally smiled for the first time tonight. He’d do anything to keep that smile there. “He’s really missing out on a great date. His loss.”

“Mat, can I sleep over? I don’t really wanna be alone tonight.”

“Anytime. You wanna change into something comfier?” He motioned to your dress. As beautiful as you looked in it, he couldn’t imagine you wanted to stay in that for the rest of the night.

A few minutes passed and had you shuffling out of Mat’s room and to the couch in clothes that were many sizes too big for you, glancing up to see Mat coming into the room with a bowl of popcorn and some drinks. “Wow, you managed to make food? Impressive.” Even while sad, you couldn’t resist playfully chirping his kitchen skills.

“Haha. I can put something in the microwave.” He returned your smile and settled down next to you, opening Netflix and partially forgetting the reason you were having a spontaneous movie night. “What are we feeling tonight? The Bachelor?”

“Mat.” You sighed dramatically and leaned your face against his shoulder. “Do you think a girl who just had her heart broken wants to watch The Bachelor?”

“Oh, shit. Right. Sorry.” After finally deciding on The Office, Mat readjusted on the couch, leaning back and stretching his legs out onto the coffee table, and pulled you against his side. He kept the bowl of popcorn in his lap, feeding some to you every now and then and making you smile whenever he reached his hand to your lips. You looked so cute right now, in a pair of sweatpants and one of his coziest hoodies, practically drowning in them. Just like the time you first wore his jersey, he felt his heart flutter in his chest at the sight.

As the night dragged on and your positions on the couch adjusted from sitting to lying, you ended up snuggling further and further against him- not that he was gonna complain. Soon, you were laying with your head in his lap, your face pressed into his stomach. Mat laughed a little bit at the position, but couldn’t deny how much he loved it. Friends. Just friends. “Hey, uh, (Y/N)? You good?”

“Am I unlovable?”

The question caught him by surprise, shook him to the core. “What?” He sat up, lifting you with him and held you in his arms, searching your eyes. “No. Absolutely not. What makes you ask that?”

You shrugged, suddenly extremely interested in toying with the strings of his hoodie. “Just… Every guy I’m with ends up leaving, or cheating, or ghosting me. Maybe I’m just… impossible to love or something.” Your words came out choked up, getting caught when your throat tightened. The tears were flowing now, and you couldn’t stop them.

“Hey, hey, don’t.” Mat pulled you against him, wrapping an arm around your waist, one large hand finding its way into your hair, fingers threading comfortingly. He pressed your face against the crook of his neck, letting you cry into him and breathe in his familiar scent. “Don’t. You are not unlovable. Don’t let that dick get to you. He made a fucking bad choice tonight, and he doesn’t deserve you.” He felt your arms come up to wrap around his waist, squeezing around him, reciprocating the hug. “You deserve someone who really cares about you. Patrick obviously didn’t.” Me, me, someone like me. Once again, he couldn’t shake away the thoughts in his head that had him wanting to kiss you. I care about you. I’d never leave you.

“Thanks, Mat.” You stayed in your hug for a moment, letting your sniffles quiet down into nothing, before looking back up at him with wet eyes and a trembling bottom lip. He wanted to kiss you, but again, the timing was so, so bad. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Anytime.”

“I guess I don’t need a boyfriend when I have a best friend like you.”

He couldn’t help how much those words hurt him.

III.

That was the night Mat finally realized, after seeing you so heartbroken, just how much he wanted to preserve your happiness, how much he cared about you. He decided then that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt you ever again. He was gonna be there for you, more than he ever was before. And he was gonna kiss you.

Eventually.

He dreamed of fantasies, of decorating his apartment all romantic, with rose petals and candles, and inviting you over to surprise you with how romantic he could be, but it was much too early. You were still heartbroken because of Patrick, and he couldn’t do this to you while you were still crying over another man. Before he could do anything; before he could tell you how much you meant to him or kiss you like he wanted to, hockey had him flying halfway across the country, further away from you than he ever wanted to be. He’d been away from you on roadies before, but this time he felt different. So different.

He was laying in his hotel bed one night after a game, texting you with a dumb, dopey smile on his face when Tito laughed from the bed next to him.

“You’re so whipped.”

Mat didn’t even look up from his phone, too busy laughing with you at a dumb meme you just sent. Honestly, he didn’t even hear what his friend said. “Huh?”

“You’re whipped.” He still got no response, as Mat started typing out a reply to you, the same dumb smile on his face. “You’re in love with (Y/N).”

Mat had known he liked you as more than a friend for a while now but he hadn’t told anybody about these emerging feelings, and hearing the word “love” was kinda shocking to him. Did he really love you? Was it that obvious? “You think?”

His friend gestured vaguely towards him, “I mean, it’s pretty obvious.”

“I’m just… texting her? As a friend.”

“When we text, you take hours to respond.”

“Maybe I like her better than I like you.”

“Yeah. You love her.”

“We’re just talking.”

“You couldn’t stop talking to her if you tried.” Their banter was interrupted by his phone chiming with a text from you. He hesitated, not wanting to prove Tito right. After a few moments of silence, it chimed again, and Tito laughed and motioned to it. “Aren’t you gonna answer your girlfriend?”

“Shut up.”

By the end of the trip, Mat was certain that he did love you. It made his heart flutter, it made him feel so soft and warm whenever he thought about you. He knew you were going to be there waiting when he got back, you had called before his flight and claimed you were gonna drive him home, and he knew he wanted to kiss you today.

Even after he stepped off the plane, he didn’t feel home, not until you found your way into his arms. Your arms found their way around his waist, comfortable, familiar, and your hands slid inside his jacket sneakily. “Welcome back, Mat! You did great”

“We didn’t even win every game.”

“Maybe not, but you were great regardless.” And then you were pulling away from him, looking up at him with those pretty eyes and smiling with those pretty lips. “I missed you.” God, he loved you. Was this the perfect time? Was this his chance? You missed him, he missed you, and a reunion kiss is romantic, isn’t it? He was gonna do it, he was gonna kiss you-

“Hey, (Y/N)!”

“Beau!”

Just like that, his best opportunity was ruined as you gave his friend a hug as well. He made a mental note to yell at Tito later for cockblocking him- was that the term he should use? Fuck, he just wanted to kiss you so bad .

IV.

The closest time he ever came to kissing you was after the 2020 All Star Game, You almost seemed more excited than him when he got the news he was going. Even though it wasn’t even his first game, you cheered and celebrated with him, hyping him up and, as soon as you heard it was in St. Louis, promised him that you’d come cheer him on in person this year. His heart swelled with pride, so happy that you were going to be there for him.

Mat knew having you there with his family was going to take a toll on him, having all the people he cared about most there for him was going to be too much emotion to handle, but he also knew it would be worth it. He first saw you with his family right before the Skills Competition and couldn’t get you out of his mind the rest of the night.

And then he won. Holy shit, he won fastest skater.

He found you waiting for him after the competition, standing in the hall before the locker rooms and once again proudly sporting your Barzal jersey.

“Mat, oh my God!” You jumped when you saw him and ran over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Mat!” He caught you in his arms and smiled, loving the familiar feeling of your hugs and still not quite able to process that he actually won. “You won!!!”

“I know!” He laughed and the noise rumbled through you pleasantly. He dropped you back down onto your feet.

“I’m so proud of you!! I knew you could do it!!”

He caught your gaze- you were smiling ear to ear and it was gleaming all the way up to your eyes. Your cheeks were flushed from laughing and cheering him on, and your hair was pulled back except for a few flyaways that resulted when you rushed down here to meet him that were haloing your head. Your hands curled up around his shoulders and slid into his hair, higher and higher to play with the longer locks at the top of his head.

“Fastest skater, huh Mat?”

God, he wanted to kiss you through that smile. He wanted to smile against your lips, swallow your giggles, run his hands through your hair without having to worry about people talking, without having to worry about being just friends.

“I wouldn’t have won without my good luck charm here.” His hands slid up your back, across the 13 and up to his name that you wore so proudly. You were here for him, only for him, and he made you proud. You were here with his family, and you got along so well with them. This is it. The perfect opportunity for a kiss. His hand caressed your jaw, tilting your head up and smiling softly at you, and he had just taken a quick glance at your lips when someone else’s voice caught his ears.

“Mat!”

And then, all of a sudden, you were out of his arms and he was surrounded by family, congratulating him on the win. He was overjoyed to see them, sure, but he missed his best chance to kiss you.

He was getting frustrated.

+ the kiss

The rest of the season dragged on without any kisses, unfortunately, and it may have been getting to Mat. He had complained to Tito many, many times now about how much he wished he could find a chance to kiss you, but how everytime he wanted to, there seemed to be something stopping him.

And Tito was getting pretty tired of his friend being so hopeless.

Now, he found himself at a houseparty with a bunch of friends, friends of friends, and some people who he wasn’t quite sure anybody knew, but all he could do was watch you from across the room. You looked amazing, like always, and were talking with some friends, tucking your hair behind your ear with delicate touches.

“God, you really have to get laid, dude.”

“What?” Mat looked over to his teammate, trying to avoid the fact that he’d been ogling you all night.

“You’re just staring at her. Do something. Just kiss her already.”

“I can’t just kiss her here. I have to make it… I don’t know, romantic?” His friend laughed, and he tried to shut him up, not wanting to alert your attention. “Well, we can’t just kiss surrounded by all these people! We have to at least be alone.”

“Alright, alright. I can help.” Mat didn’t even have time to ask what he meant before he was gone.

Ten minutes passed, and he almost forgot about Tito’s words, but as he was refilling his red solo cup in the kitchen, he was approached by one of your friends, who leaned up and whispered in his ear. “(Y/N) needs to talk to you.” She pointed over to a bedroom where you must have been waiting for him. Mat couldn’t help the little bit of fear that ran through his veins.

“Okay.” He nodded to your friend and picked up his cup, “Yeah, sure.” On his way over to the room, he grabbed Tito away from a group and hissed in his ear. “Dude, what did you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Why does (Y/N) want to talk to me?”

“Relax,” Tito laughed, seeing how nervous his friend was getting over this girl. “I said I’d help. Better hurry up. I heard it’s urgent.”

Mat sighed and made his way over to the room, sucking in a breath and trying to steady himself. What did they tell you that had you needing to talk to him? They better not have said anything about how he felt, this isn’t how he wanted it to go. He wanted to tell you himself. “Uh, hey?” He knocked on the doorframe before coming in, and you looked up from where you were sitting criss cross on the bed, scrolling through your phone.

“Hey.” You patted the bed next to you, and Mat came in and sat down, keeping a safe distance between the two of you. Friends. Just friends. You smiled with a sneaky look and tilted your head. “Soooo, Maty. I heard you have something to tell me.” Your voice lilted up at the end in a curious manner, which would have been cute if Mat could figure out what was happening.

“Me?” Mat’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I- I thought… Your friend told me you have something to tell me.”

“Wait, what? No, Tito told me-”

As if on cue, the door slammed shut, and Tito’s voice could be heard from the other side. “You know what to do, Barzy!” And suddenly it all made sense. It was a set-up. He was quick to stand up and rush to the door to try and open it but somehow they had managed to properly lock it from the outside. “Nope! You’re not getting out until you man up!”

“No, no, I swear to God, man!” He took a few steps backwards and fell back onto the bed dramatically, covering his face with his hands. “Not like this!”

“Umm, wanna explain to me what’s up?”

Mat sat up after a few moments, and you took the moment to appreciate how fucking beautiful he looked tonight, sitting on the edge of this bed. The contrast between his creamy skin and the black of his hoodie and jeans was so artistic, and the red snapback sitting backwards on his head was the perfect pop of color in comparison. His hair was growing longer, he hadn’t cut it in a few months, and was curling out the bottom of his hat, just begging you to twirl your finger around it. “Well, it seems like our friends set us up.”

“But what do you mean not like this?”

He was quiet for a breath before closing his eyes and leaning back to look at the ceiling. “Fuck.” He lifted the hat off his head to run a hand through his hair quickly. “Okay, I promise, if it were up to me, this isn’t how it would've gone but…”

You felt him pulling away again. “Mat, c’mon. You can talk to me. We’re friends.”

“No, no, that’s the problem, though!” He immediately softened his voice when he saw you recoil at the way he snapped. “Sorry, just…” he ran his hands over his face and you realized how nervous he was. Shit, that was pretty out of character for him. “You’ve been driving me crazy for months, (Y/N), and I don’t think you understand how much you mean to me. Fuck, you mean a lot to me. You’re more to me than just a friend.” He let his words settle into your body before continuing. “I think I… No, I do. I really like you, and I wanna be a lot more than friends and Tito knows and now apparently your friends do too and now they have us locked in here until we kiss.” The last sentence came out in a breath, and Mat sat still, biting his lip and waiting for a reaction.

“You like me? You wanna kiss me? You wanna date me?”

“Yeah. I have for months.”

Mat could hear his heartbeat pounding as he watched you, waiting for a reaction of some sort. He felt like time was moving in slow motion as you scooted closer to him on the bed and reached your hand up to cup his jaw, locking eyes with him and glancing to his lips, so pink and plump and waiting for you. “Mat, you should’ve said something.”

And then your lips were on his.

Soft and slow and gentle.

Your lips felt like heaven, delicate against his own, and tasted like that fruity chapstick he always sneakily watched you put on out of the corner of his eye. Your body molded against his perfectly, your small hand fitting just right beneath his jawline and the other right on the curve of his shoulder, squeezing for balance. Your nose bumped against his when your face wasn’t angled right, but before you could lean back to apologize, he had captured your lips and was kissing back with equal passion. He lifted his hand to stroke your cheek, pushing aside your hair and tucking it behind your ear, and cupped his hand against the back of your neck. The other dipped to the small of your back, pulling you in closer against him.

He set the rhythm: smooth, and sweet and needy.

His mouth tasted like that sugary, alcoholic punch that they had sitting out in the kitchen, but felt like magic moving against yours, rocking with you and pushing and pulling at your lips like ocean waves. You didn’t deny him when his tongue peeked out against your lips in question, nothing too risque, but enough to keep the kiss passionate. Your hands traveled from his jaw down to the column of his neck, and you could feel him take a deep breath in before circling around to tug at the curls of hair that were sticking out of his dumb red snapback.

It felt so right, and you kissed and kissed and kissed until you started smiling too much and your teeth began getting in the way.

Your foreheads found a place to rest on each other as you broke apart with wide grins on your faces. You nudged your nose against his, giggling and tracing a thumb down the rosy flush on his cheekbones, knowing that yours mirrored his in pinkness. He bit his bottom lip and let out a breathy laugh of his own, overwhelmed by lingering feelings of your kiss.

There it was. He finally got his kiss.

“Wow.”

“Wow is right.” Mat whispered, beautiful hazel eyes holding yours. “So I’m guessing... We’re together now?”

“Yeah. Finally.” You dropped your head down against his shoulder, turning to the side to give his neck a small peck. “You know, I’ve wanted this for months too, Mat.”

Mat couldn’t help but laugh at himself. He had been trying for months upon months to find the perfect way to woo you, to confess his feelings and kiss you in the most romantic way possible, stressing over whether it was the right time or not, when all both of you wanted the whole time was each other. “Shit, we could’ve been kissing months ago. I’ve had so many opportunities.”

“Was it worth it, though? Was it worth the wait?” Mat leaned his head down, capturing your mouth again in a slow, sweet kiss, before breaking apart with a loud smack and humming against your flushed cheek with a grin.

“So worth it, baby.”

#also that picture make me feel things #mat barzal #mathew barzal #4+1 #nhl fic #op #fanfiction #imagine #fic

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