#it's all fiction and not literally my life that i'm unfortunate enough to be living

[sergle]

girl do not internalize negative anons right now. trash doesn’t suddenly matter just bc you feel like you’re in the gutter

I'm Calm. I am UnBothered

[anistarrose]

The thing about the Heart Attack segment in Wonderland is that they put so much aromantic subtext in it. They accidentally put SO much aromantic subtext in it, on behalf of multiple characters, and I'm thinking about it constantly. Let me tell you all about it.

Magnus is dropped into a dating game and literally leads with "I cannot stress enough how uninterested I am in this." Now, it's perfectly valid to read this as due to him waiting for Julia, or just him being plain old uncomfortable with having his love life put in the spotlight. However! I cannot stress enough the exchange that happens just a minute or two after that line:

Magnus (describing his ideal date): ... and we don't see each other again, ‘cause I'm really not interested in dating. Audience: [exaggerated] Oooooh! (cheers) Griffin: The silhouette is like, fanning itself. Lydia: Playing hard to get, huh? It seems like our contestant is into that.

And I just have to say: unfortunately, this is one of the most aromantic fucking experiences I've seen represented in fiction in my life. I mean — saying you're not interested in romance, then having those words twisted on you, like they're some secret coded way of saying that you are interested in romance? Not having a single way to express your disinterest that'll actually be believed? That's some aro shit right there. God. Fuck.

As an aside, it's enough to really tell that Heart Attack is not designed to be a reprieve from the pain, even though it's the "good outcome" of Trust or Forsake. It's designed to be uncomfortable. To funnel suffering to Edward and Lydia, just like all the other games do. (More on that later, in fact.) But in summary:

Magnus is a character who can be read as uncomfortable with romance for either aro-spec reasons or unrelated reasons. But in either case, his discomfort attracts reactions that reek of amatonormativity — and therefore, resonate with aromantic experiences. (Psst, I did recently write a gray-aro Magnus fic!)

Two more analyses below the cut (and only one of them is for another Horny Boy):

Obviously the next character I need to talk about is Merle. I've found aroallo readings of his character to be compelling for a long time (having sex with plants so you don't have to worry about romantic commitment, am I right?), but the way he describes his "ideal date" is another factor:

Merle: I volunteer to drive her vehicle, and tell her it's filthy, and so we go through the uh- drive through vehicle wash and she pays for that too. Um, and then I take her to have dinner with my family, and- Magnus: Wait, like your wife and stuff? Merle: She meets my ex-wife.

Merle's probably exaggerating as a joke, continuing on about both him and his partner being miserable, but I think the fact that Merle's mind goes here is genuinely drawing from a lot of poor romantic experiences in the past. He didn't get a choice about being on Heart Attack, and his marriage with Hecuba was similarly "arranged".

It's also worth noting that at this point in time, Merle is putting in the work to be part of Mavis and Mookie's lives again, but is not interested in doing the same for Hecuba — he instead just asks Mavis how Hecuba's doing. That said, given that Magnus is the one to put the focus on Merle's ex-wife, I think it's fair to read the "family" comment as Merle actually expressing that he'd rather spend time with his kids than give any special romantic attention to his date. Moving on to the rest of the "joke":

Merle: She's having a miserable time and she's really mad, she can't wait to get outta there. I take her back to her house, and so I lean up against the door jam and say, 'Sure you don't want me to come in for a few minutes?' and she slams the door in my face.

It's possible Merle just has a more roundabout, self-deprecating way of expressing a similar thing to what Magnus did: Merle just isn't interested in dating. To me, the last line implies he might not say no to sex, if offered — but overall, it reads as if Merle is putting minimal effort in because he's looking for an excuse to get out of this relationship anyway.

It's also possible that Merle's "rejection" of a suitor being so disguised as humor could point to him still coming to terms with his disinterest in dating. Particularly, in comparison to Magnus, who is so vocal and unashamed about it, while Merle might still be figuring this all out.

(Honestly, the self-deprecation Merle turns to here is actually kind of sad, when viewed in that light — he already lets himself be the butt of jokes so often, and now he feels like the way romance doesn't click for him has to be a joke, too? Oof. Someone give him a hug and tell him he's not broken this instant!) But regardless:

Merle views dates, and perhaps romance in general, as things that will inevitably turn disastrous for him and any party involved with him, and he would rather spend time with his children than repairing a relationship with an ex, or cultivating a relationship with a new partner. This is not an experience exclusive to the aro-spec umbrella, but you can't say that an aromantic reading of his character doesn't fit him like a gardening glove...

...which he wears while fucking his plants. Because plants don't demand emotional intimacy, nor take too much time away from the platonic relationships that matter more to him. And you know what? He's fucking valid for that! Fly your flag, nasty grandpa!

But moving on: I promised you aromantic analysis of characters outside of our protagonists, and henceforth, that analysis I will provide. And not just because I admittedly see Taako as the token alloromantic (though clearly an aro ally; if he hadn't chosen Forsake we wouldn't have gotten all this incredible characterization!)

I digress. So let's go on to addressing the lich twins in the room: Edward and Lydia.

Remember my argument earlier that Heart Attack serves the purpose of collecting suffering just like the rest of Wonderland does? How it's just a subtler way of making Wonderland's victims fundamentally uncomfortable?

...Using, of all things, romance?

How the vogue twins, for whatever reason, felt inspired to make people uncomfortable with matchmaking and adoration? How, some way or another, they noticed how much potential romance had to induce suffering? Being pressured into a relationship, being told that no matter how firmly you say you're uninterested, you're not really uninterested?

...Relatedly, I have always gotten the sense that Edward and Lydia projected relentlessly onto their victims.

Edward: This resolve, this desire to do whatever it takes no matter the cost to save yourselves — do you know who you three remind me of? Magnus: No? Merle: Who? Edward: Us!

I'm even going to go a step further and say that on top of projection, they want their victims to go through things they went through. Swallowing the guilt of having fucked someone else over to survive, of course — that's basically self-admitted. But possibly also... the feeling of not being able to get back what you lost (Keats). The feeling of not being able to heal (Keats).

So, where does that leave Heart Attack?

Lydia: It was the three of us, surviving against all odds. The world against us.

Their family of three was (is) indescribably important to them. I'm not necessarily saying that societal expectations of romance, especially of romance as a priority above that of family, left a bad taste in their mouths — if not downright contributing to their trauma — but, okay, I wrote the rest of this post and now that I'm back, I can no longer deny it. I'm definitely, absolutely saying that.

At the time of the podcast, we know Edward and Lydia's own relationship is heavily strained. Until the end, they are lying to themselves and to each other about the fact that they continue to be emotionally and magically reliant on each other. After all, Lydia wouldn't say "I guess we really needed each other after all" in her dying moments with such surprise otherwise.

This is the second reason that I... well, I wouldn't quite call it a "theory," but I find it most impactful to read Edward and Lydia as characters for whom the concept of Love has baggage. And always has, from their origins as youth in a tough spot in an already amatonormative world.

Maybe the constant societal devaluing of platonic, familial bonds left them with serious emotional scars. Maybe the constant conflation of Love and morality just weighed on them and weighed on them and weighed on them until they decided: well, we don't love the way people expect us to, so we might as well give up on being the good people they expect us to be. We might as well embrace this new fuel of suffering.

...And you know, I hope this gets across what I mean when I always say I headcanon villains as aromantic to make them more sympathetic.

Edward and Lydia, textually, are already tragic villains. As twins and liches, they're also textually foil characters to several of the Seven Birds. But I also like to think that they have a lot in common with Magnus and Merle, and the possibility that tugs at my heartstrings the most is the possibility of them all falling under the aromantic umbrella.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

i think you're onto something with the romance novels world and plot points needing to mirror the kind of outlandishness of the love story. bc the main characters are already inherently acting absurd just by falling madly in love in a month or whatever and then if you add in the contrivances of romance tropes, it starts to feel like whiplash trying to pretend the characters live in any sort of grounded "normal" world. Like when the author adds in a family conflict subplot where the MC is like in absolute shambles because her mom said something slightly passive aggressive at lunch. that reads as more jarring to me than like conflict being something ridiculous that her mom doesn't want her being a marine biologist bc they come from a long line of fishmongers. Give me absurd drama to match the over the top dialogue and character emotions, I knew it would be unrealistic it's a romance novel! I guess this applies more to romcoms, but the same would apply I think to an analogous serious scenario. Or at least that's my take on it

okay so having just finished genuinely the most boring romance novel I have ever read in my LIFE I'm going to expand on this a little so thank you for sending an ask that gives me such a great platform to do that

I personally generally prefer a romance that just gets fucking silly with it, like really outlandish. A Lady for the Duke (Alexis Hall) is obviously the dream, being a whole swoony historical trans-affirming fantasy, but contemporary fake relationship stories can also be fun in their sheer ridiculousness, like Love, Hate, and Clickbait (Liz Bowery), which I actually liked, and Unfortunately Yours (Tessa Bailey), which I did not like but was very funny. and let's not forget queen Helen Hoang's Bride Test, which has a premise that dances perilously close to human trafficking but all works out in the end!!!

BUT HAVING SAID THAT. I don't think that something needs to be totally implausible to be a good romance. two of my very favorites romance novels anywhere ever are Helen Hoang's Heart Principle (no one should be surprised Hoang is on her twice I adore her) and Akwaeke Emezi's You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty. both of these books are very grounded in reality but with very uncommon situations to heighten emotions and add urgency; in Hoang's case it's a character's adult autism diagnosis + death of a parent and in Emezi's case it's a very sudden and #problematic attraction coming out of absolutely nowhere. the stakes are very real, mostly centering around being true to yourself v disappointing your family, but the circumstances are still wild enough to make you say "god DAMN" and keep turning pages. hell, I'll even be extremely generous and include Mistakes Were Made (Meryl Wilsner) which is kind of a flop but does have the intriguing premise of "what if you were fucking a milf but her kid was YOUR BEST FRIEND and it was a secret?"

those are like the two sweet spots TO ME, and this book I just read (which was Thank You for Sharing by Rachel Runya Katz, I feel so bad putting it on blast but I know people are going to ask) really solidified it for me because TYFS didn't fall into either of those categories. I'm going to say something absolutely insane, which is that multiple times while I was reading it I found myself wishing that the book was fanfic, because on its own it just... didn't bring a lot to the table? it falls into the grounded category but doesn't really bring any of those heightened stakes to the story, it's just 330 pages of people in their late twenties complaining about dating and their office jobs. if I wanted that I could just ask my group chat! there's nothing particularly particularly gripping about watching made up strangers do it!

but then I was like oh hang on... if this was two fictional characters who are usually fighting with swords or throwing cars at each other or something this would be so gripping. it's literally the coffee shop AU principle, right? like seeing people in a very mundane setting having an office job and going to a bar is very shrimpteresting when they're normally defusing space bombs. I was explaining this to my housemates and I couldn't think of a straight couple to apply it to (the book is m/f) so I said Naruto and Sasuke, which is crazy because I've never seen a single episode of Naruto, but like. idk Naruto being a museum curator who has to work with Sasuke, a marketing specialist who he had beef with a summer camp 14 years ago, sounds kind of compelling, right? definitely more than just two people I don't know.

there's a post on here that I think about a lot that talks about why advertising a story with tropes doesn't work for original fiction as well as it does for fan fic because knowing the tropes is more helpful when you already have a sense of investment in the characters and their personalities, and I think this is related to that! I think sometimes you NEED to have a wider sense of scope for the characters for them to be interesting in a very mundane setting!

ANYWAY. much to consider, etc.

[softguarnere]

ok dove, my love, the writer I aspire to be bc your fics are actually 🤌 I was wondering if you could mayhaps appease my craving for a Joe Toye x sick reader fic? I'm quite literally dying of bronchitis and a double ear infection and I have done nothing but reread your work bc it's literally like drugs for me oml

anyway I hope you're doing okay and autumn treats you wonderfully!! <333

In Sickness and In Health

Joe Toye x reader

A/N: Hey Sky! You are too sweet, oh my goodness 🙈 Thank you so so much! I'm so sorry that you're sick, and I hope you're feeling better now 💕 Get well soon beloved, and I hope you enjoy this! (This is written for the fictional depictions from the show - no disrespect to the real life veterans!) Also, just a reminder that my requests are closed; I wrote this as part of catching up on requests that were already in my asks Warnings: unspecified sickness

This isn’t how it was supposed to happen, you can’t help but think for the millionth time today. But no, every time you think about your original plans for the weekend, the temperature of the room feels even hotter, the pinpricks of sweat on your brow and neck even more prominent, and the pain in your stomach even worse.

“Joe,” you sigh when the man in question takes a seat on the bed, making the mattress at your feet dip under his weight.

He holds up a hand, stopping your sentence in its tracks. “Don’t you dare apologize again.”

His voice is gentle, but you can’t help leaning back onto your pillow and sighing. Because you are sorry. Really, really sorry, for just about everything you can think of. The fact that you travelled all this way for your husband’s reunion with his old army buddies, only to get sick the night before; that he’s taking care of you when he should be catching up with old friends and reminiscing over memories; that he won’t listen to you when you insist that he can leave you here.

“You should go see your friends.” They’re probably all down at the hotel bar by now. Even though the reunion won’t officially start until tomorrow, some of them are probably pregaming.

“I can’t. Not when I’m taking care of you. I made a vow, remember? In sickness and in health.”

I really do have the perfect husband, you can’t help but think to yourself. How many other men would shrug it off, or sneak away once you were asleep? Strange, how the roles have been reversed here, with you insisting that he go, that you can fend for yourself.

You sigh again. “I just – I feel bad. We came all this way to see your friends, and all you’ve gotten to see so far is the inside of this hotel room.”

But Joe only shrugs. “Well, the reunion doesn’t even start until tomorrow. Maybe you’ll feel better by then. We’ll just see what happens. Besides,” he rushes on before you can continue. “A lot of the guys live in Pennsylvania anyways. If we want to see each other, we can just make the drive some other time.”

“But Joe,” you stress. “This is the Easy reunion. This was important to you.”

“You’re important to me,” he deadpans, but his eyes are soft. “I won’t be able to enjoy any of it if I’m worrying about you the whole time.”

Oh. You had been so caught up in worrying about him enjoying himself that you hadn’t even considered that. Maybe the combination of the sickness and the medicine has clouded your judgement. Or maybe just your love for him has.

“You should rest,” Joe suggests. “Do you want me to get you anything?”

You want for him to hold you, to make you feel better. But unfortunately, there are some things in the world that not even a man as strong as Joe Toye can fight off, and sickness is one of them.

The two of you have been together for quite some time now, though, and he knows you well enough to read your mind. Without even asking, he kicks off his shoes, adjusts his prosthetic leg, and curls up beside you on the bed, wrapping you in his arms.

“Let me know if you get too hot,” he whispers. When you nod, he repeats his sentiment from earlier. “Don’t worry, okay, (Y/N)? We’ll see what happens in the morning.”

The morning feels like such a distant time. Right now, the only time that means anything is that which you spend in his arms.  

[strawwritesfic]

Vongola Guardians Taking Care of You Headcanons

Hey, guys! I'm sick again! So you know what that means...dopey headcanons about fictional guys taking care of you, their S/O, when you're sick!

I did it for the Avengers last time, so let's apply it to my current hyperfixation this time around.

Note that this is all regarding the adult versions of the cast, and we are not working with A) COVID (because it's too real) or B) The in-universe original TYL!Time Line (because I don't feel like dealing with the whole Millifiore situation).

Tsuna Sawada

Tsuna's got a lot of work to do, running the Vongola, but that doesn't mean he's going to ignore you when you're sick. In fact, you being sick is probably enough of a distraction that he's not going to get that work done anyway--and he's definitely not above using you getting sick as an excuse to get away from his responsibilities for a little while. If it's really something important, of course he'll do it. Otherwise, he's with you all the way. Unfortunately, Tsuna's kind of useless as a caregiver. His heart is in the right place, but he's not entirely sure what to do, and if he tries to do something, it typically winds up spilled all over you. What he can do is that neat trick with his sky flame on his finger on your forehead. When you can't sleep, that's your ticket to dreamland. Except that once he did that, and you slept for two straight days. Everyone was very worried. Reborn congratulated him on sending his S/O into a coma. When you did wake up, you felt much better, but he's reluctant to try it again. Good thing that his company is enough to make you feel a little better most of the time.

Hayato Gokudera

This is the guy that researches every single symptom you have. He's got medical textbooks. He's got WebMD's symptom checker. He's got...books on exorcisms? So not everything he's going to try is necessarily scientifically accurate. And he's not going to let you rest either, because he's got an enormous whiteboard covered in diagrams of all his research. He even wants to dictate the way you sleep, because he's figured out the only way to do it that will actually get you better! And if you don't let him try to get rid of the evil spirits inhabiting you at least once, you're probably going to wake up in the middle of the night surrounded by candles while he stands by the bed chanting. At least the minute Tsuna needs him, he's gone, so you'll get some peace and quiet.

But Gokudera does make some amazing okayu. It's the worst okayu you've ever tasted. At first, you might wonder if Bianchi's the one that made it. But even though it tastes incredibly awful, it does actually make you feel better. it almost makes him playing nurse worth it from time to time.

Ryohei Sasagawa

Ryohei has probably never had a sick day in his entire life. If he had a cold, he just EXTREMED it out of his system, and that's exactly what he expects you to do, too. You can't let the cold win! You have to get up! You have to get up before sunrise! You have to go for a ten-mile run before sunrise! You have to go for a ten-mile run while carrying cinderblocks in both hands before sunrise! Show your illness how EXTREME you are, and you will never be sick again a day in your life! He's not making you do all of this alone. Ryohei is right there with you, doing the exact same thing but with a lot more enthusiasm. It's exausting.

Thankfully, he's got Kyoko around. Once she realizes what's going on, she can rescue you. She knows how to take care of sick people, and she'll get you set up in a nice, dark room with whatever you need, and she and Haru will make sure that you eat healthy and get plenty of rest--because, let's face it, you're probably worse off now than you were before Ryohei got his hands on you. You will live, but it might be a good idea in the future to call in sick to your S/O next time you've got a tickle in your throat.

Lambo

This 15-year-old guy has literally no clue what to do with a sick S/O. Heck, he has literally no clue what to do with himself when he's sick. He's so covered in girls your age anyway, so what are the chances that he notices that you're slogging your way through your day? Well, he does. That doesn't mean he's going to do anything about it...until I-Pin notices as well and chastises him for being so heartless.

And the truth is, he cares about you, and he hates to see you sick. He's not great at doing much more than playing gopher...but, again, he's 15. What else is he supposed to do? So at least for the day he'll get you whatever you want. Chocolate ice cream? Done. Ramen from I-Pin place of work? Absolutely. He consumes half of it, too, and he moans a lot about how gross it is, but ultimately you'd probably be a lot more lonely recuperating by yourself than with him around.

Takeshi Yamamoto

Does Yamamoto even realize you're sick? That is the question. He's known you long enough to know when something's up, but he also trusts you. When you tell him no, you're fine, please just go get beaten up by an Italian man with a sword like he planned, he's not going to argue. Yamamoto knows that you're tough, and if you don't want his help, he's not going to force it on you. He respects you too much to baby you.

On the other hand, on his way home from sparring with Squalo, he's going to pick up a few things. First, he's going to go to the store, and he's going to grab a couple boxes of medicine that sound like they'll help what he thought you sounded like you had that morning. Then he's going to go by his dad's restaurant and pick up a ton of sushi. If you're still not feeling well when he gets home, then he's got you covered. But if you still want to pretend that you're fine, then he just keeps the medicine in his coat pocket for later. He's fine pretending that you're fine if that's what you want. At least there's good food for a quiet night in so you can rest.

Mukuro Rokudo

I mean, as long as he needs you for something, he'll probably care that your sick. Your organs are still in the right place. There's probably not a good way to illusion away your cold and flu symptoms. So if you're fine, he's probably got better things to be doing, like plotting how to finally possess Tsuna and start a war within the mafia!

Oh, what? Really? You want him to say? Well, then, maybe he can put off the whole bloody war within the mafia thing off for another day or two. After all, it's been ten years and he still hasn't got around to it! But hopefully you know that you're in for a lot of getting your own juice bottles, or at least having him torment you about getting your juice bottles until your fever breaks.

Kyoya Hibari

Hibari doesn't get sick, because being sick is weak. But now that he's older, he can appreciate that no one is as strong as he is, so even his S/O is going to get sick from time to time. He is not going to baby you for choosing to be so weak as to catch a cold, however. You probably won't be seeing much of Hibari while you're ill. He's got important business to attend to.

But without saying it, he does make it clear he cares. He'll adjust your pillow in the morning before he leaves. He'll make sure there's plenty of tea in the cupboard. He'll send Kusakabe to check on you regularly. And since you did decide to throw your lot in with Hibari, this radio silence isn't exactly unheard of or unwelcome. Just make sure none of your other friends are around for a visit if and when he decides to come look in on you himself.

[skinnypaleangryperson]

This house is full of nothing but consumer cobwebs, and a failed attempts of being able to be seen as a creative and as an individual both on a personal level as well as professionally throughout my life. I can literally feel the spiritual and physical dust and grime going through the books and the celebrities I've crushed on, the creative people that I've admired and have read about ever since high school and now, as a washed-up meaningless nameless 27-year-old that is nothing but internet trash, I've never been more aware about where my journey was going and it feels like my head is imploding constantly wanting to rant and to see that failure in everything, everyone, and in everything set around me. It blows my mind that people just accept the fact that their dreams never come true and that they just live that way. That they don't even some just try to be able to spew out every minute of every day how unhappy they are and how detrimentally spiritually devastating it is. When I was a kid, being a nobody and not being creatively successful was not yet a mark of anything of a lack of character or of anything I had to offer, it was just simply something that I hadn't figured out yet. Now I can't enjoy anything anymore, I see my failure and everything at best, and at worst, I see a lifeline of profound spiritual and physical suffering that is surrounding me from an already terrible unremarkable and a loveless childhood enough as it was where I was told that I could push through it because once I got older, it would "get better", only to realize that those were all just cope adults that couldn't stand the idea that some people are born miserable and unnamed and unseen, and only become increasingly worse until the point of death as they get older.

I'm now just another no name, miserable on Reddit and miserable at work in real life with people who are in the same circumstance who are probably told the same lies for all the same fake and reasons growing up. Some people can handle it more than others but I can't even enjoy anything anymore. I realized today while everybody else was casually enjoying the Oscars in the celebrities in the rich people that are celebrating and knowing each other, that I seem to be one at the very few that is in a genuine state of peer despair over the way that my life is gone and the way that it will continue to go, at best, exactly the same within it's a loveless impossibly robotic mundanity and even abuse on the internet, and worse, to end up dying or alone on the side of the street while everybody else celebrates how special they are, the people that get to run this country, the people that really wanted, the rich people in the celebrities, the ones who own people souls.

This is only a small section of the torment that's in my head everyday, and I'm just waiting for the day when it renders me to a sense of complete dysfunctionality. There's cobwebs in my throat to those cobwebs on the things I used to be able to enjoy before I realized my own true unremarkable dry, profoundly pathetic nothingness in reality, and the way that it's always been on them and the fact that I just didn't have the unfortunate temperature reality to be able to see about what that actually meant, and the delusions that I held and kept close to me that I still do but now just do on a fictional level because I can't stand the burning pain of being a part of reality even on a pair of social relationship way knowing what that means for me if I were to allow myself to.

Nothing helps and nothing will ever change it. And the worst part, is that 98% of the time in this world I feel like I'm experiencing it entirely on my own.

[morgana-ren]

Hello! Came here from ao3, I really love your fics and writing style.

I just wanted to ask (and feel free to ignore if you dont want to answer) since you write a lot of dark content, have you ever gotten rude messages from people or pearl clutchers commenting on your fics?

I'd like to write darker fics but I'm lowkey worried about the reception to some ideas. Thats why I really admire authors like yourself who write with a great sense of attitude. Do you have any advice? Were you nervous when you first started posting dark fics?

Ooh! Interesting question! So sorry this turned into something SUPER long, but I actually have been exactly where you are right now!

So, funny story! When I first started writing fics fuckin' years ago, I desperately wanted to get into writing darkfic. Traditional, cutesy fics— while awesome for other folks— just did not do it for me at all. It was actually something I'd known and understood since childhood and always wanted to foray into. I never read vanilla stories, and I had genuine trouble writing them for a lack of passion or interest. It was something I was deeply interested in and had ambitions for.

It was actually Tomura Shigaraki that made me dust off the old keyboard and begin writing again, and that... Was a huge problem.

See, the MHA fandom was NOT as accepting as it is now back when I started writing— and I hesitate to call it accepting even now. Darkfic was heavily demonized and even fairly rare to come across. It was a fucking wasteland of nosy, pathetic busybodies who thought very highly of themselves and their opinions and dubbed themselves the saviors of the Internet and took it upon themselves to be horrific, vicious little cunts without a single modicum of self-awareness or shame. They got their jollies bending over backwards to antagonize authors who did anything they didn't like by ironically showcasing their own staggering ignorance of how the mind works and making it everyone else's problem in real life. They were very loud and pretentious about it, and unfortunately, some of them garnered quite a following of vulnerable, ignorant children who hung on their every word and command and were tricked into thinking these people had a single idea what the hell they were talking about.

Harassing real people over fictional characters. Using pop-psychology terms they didn't understand. Biased claims that had no basis in reality. Siccing followers on authors. Stalking and doxxing— you name it, they did it with malevolent, self-righteous glee. People getting death threats and doxxed was a very real problem that had some talented, lovely authors disappear from the Internet entirely and put people's actual lives in danger. Over words. On the Internet.

Darkfic authors were one of the groups that were harassed relentlessly. It was pretty rare to find someone brave enough to post it on AO3, leave alone Tumblr, and those that did were pretty much guaranteed harassment on one level or another, whether it was death threats or call-out posts day in and day out, or just cruel, mean-spirited anons. The pioneers of darkfic in that shithole of a fandom were braver than any US marine lmao.

Needless to say, I was petrified. The first fic I sat down and wrote for the fandom (Vermilion) was pretty harmless for the most part, although it dipped its toes in dark subject matter if you were particularly squeamish. If I had my way, it was going to be much, much darker. I wanted it to be darker desperately, but I was so terrified of the petulant, pathetic fandom mommies that literally made it their job to harass authors over fictional characters that I ended up policing myself over it.

The tipping point for me was making friends who with the few people who did have the balls to post it. Authors who were unbelievably talented and didn't give a fuck what some fandom-obsessed weirdo with a superiority complex had to say about it. They actually gave me the courage to be true to myself, and even then, holy fuck it was harrowing at first. I was shaking when I posted the first dark thing I ever wrote on here.

There was an outpour of support. People who loved the story and wanted more. Slowly, I totally overcame the fear with the mix of people in the community being kind and supportive, and simultaneously realizing how utterly pathetic and almost sad the puritanical pop-science fandom police were. Even now, I feel bad for them. No one healthy has that level of fascination and hatred with someone they don't know or something they don't understand that is ENTIRELY OPTIONAL to consume. It's genuinely sad and strange and is far more dangerous than reading about dubious topics in a fanfic.

Slowly, more people started to write darkfic and post it in defiance of these weirdos, and now it's fairly common! I can also say that thankfully, a lot of the weirdo, obsessive puritans have disappeared. I'm hoping they grew up and realized how absurd the whole thing was and are deeply ashamed of their past actions. You don't have to like or respect stories with dark topics, but talking out of your ass and making up reasons why the authors are bad people who deserve to be harassed and die is... Hilariously ironic.

Now, all that being said, I actually have never received hatemail. I was shocked. Hell, I still am, because some of my stories are genuinely heinous. I think I got someone's attempt at it once, but they were either drunk or a 3 year old, because it was literally incoherent. (And it was over the fact I hate Bakugo and not the content of my stories lmao Bakugo stans be wildin' sometimes.)

I think the closest thing I've gotten to a mean comment is someone commenting (incorrectly) that my German translation was off, and one that basically equated to "I love this story but anything more would be too extreme for me," which was very polite and not intended to be rude (although I wasn't quite sure what the point of the comment was lmao)

My best advice? Be yourself. Unabashedly and without fear. Write that dark content and post it with a smile. Your audience will find you, and you'll find so much love and support in the community eventually. Your fics are for you, and if others don't like it? They can act like an adult and not read something that upsets or offends them. Mean words suck, but there is nothing more liberating than spitting in the face of someone who tries to smother you and doing it anyway happily.

Most people who pearl-clutch and sling insults have a tenuous grasp on their own logic and are extremely entitled. I've found that more often than not, they're hateful, reactionary youngsters looking for an excuse to feel superior by pretending they have the moral high ground. They talk out of their ass about things they don't understand and all it does is make them look foolish. Like, they are literally factually, scientifically incorrect most of the time. They are the fanfic/literary equivalent of evangelical white moms having a panic over metal music being from the devil and DND turning their kids gay.

Fanfiction is just that: fiction.

Understanding yourself, your kinks and your own mind can also help immensely. You don't care much if some snotty anon calls you a degenerate if you understand why you write what you do and have no shame regarding it. Understanding the impact of fiction vs. reality, kink science, trauma coping, psychology, and other related topics (depending on what you write) can also help if you want to waste time trying to educate them.

Truthfully though? The funniest response to hate is either not responding at all (oh my God they hate that one) or responding with complete and total nonsense a la "your mom suck me good and hard thru my jorts."

These days? I don't worry about it at all. I write what I write and it brings me great catharsis and joy. I've made incredible friends and met talented people. I've improved my own skills and I have a "productive" hobby. Some folks don't like it? Cope and seethe and piss your pants and suck the liquid back out of the fabric and tell your mom my jorts are feeling a bit dry.

[wri0thesley]

I am so sorry if this is invasive and weird, but may I ask what you work as? I'm at the stage where I have to build my future and I know you don't have an age specified but you seem to be doing really well (at least from the posts we've seen, again I really hope not to be invasive) for yourself and your partner and 25+ is still young! Again, I hope this isn't mean or weird, I'm just curious. (and severely nervous. First year of college is ruining me harder than any fictional man.)

ahh anon i'm afraid that the answer is probably not what you're looking for!

for the record, i am 27, i just find getting fandom older a little scary, especially having it listed right there!!!

i actually intended to be a performer and a singing teacher (my degree was going to be in music & musical theatre); unfortunately, due to a plethora of reasons (mostly my undiagnosed autism, unmedicated ocd/depression/anxiety combo, a nervous breakdown and my partner's physical health declining) i dropped out of my degree before the end of my first semester.

for about three years or so after that i was severely agoraphobic. talking 'can't answer the door' agoraphobic; 'never left the house alone, and even when with someone only went to the doctors and therapy' agoraphobic, 'rotted in my bedroom in an absolutely non romanticised way' agoraphobic. i was on the equivalent of disability because i literally could not function. meanwhile, my partner, who lived with me and my parents was getting physically worse whilst i was mentally struggling (since then haz has been diagnosed with ehlers danlos syndrome, fibromyalgia, lipoedema, thyroid issues and a lot of other things; they have a lot going on). i DID access several therapies, had . . . a couple of very bad relapses, went under crisis teams and all of that stuff (i had occupational therapy too which was HONESTLY i think one of the most useful things and helpful things for me in the long run; i cannot imagine what i would be like if i hadn't had the occupational therapist the crisis team found for me).

(coincidentally, if you are an og jojo follower you probably remember how bad it was; i've said it a hundred times, but running this silly little reader-insert blog probably helped save my life at a time when i had almost no contact with the outside world. i couldn't leave my bedroom, but i had my blog and i had my little internet friends and discord server).

i have gotten a lot better.

haz, unfortunately, has not gotten better physically and probably never will. they need help with a lot of things most people don't even realise disabled people might need help with. brushing their hair, fastening clothes . . . when haz first moved in, they were doing the same dance-intensive college course that i was. we danced maybe three or four hours a day. nowadays, haz needs me to hold their hand and keep them steady when they go from our bed to the bathroom (the room next door).

so i don't really 'work' as anything. well, my therapist would tell me off for saying that; the uk government classes me as an 'unpaid carer', which basically means i am on call for haz literally 24/7 and they pay me the pittance that is carer's allowance (carer's allowance assumes you care at least 35 hours a week, and pays you the privilege of about 45 pence per each of those hours. if, like me, you live with the person you care for and do more than those hours, it gets . . . yeah. oof. the government unfortuately know that most unpaid carers are loved ones and family members of the person who needs care and won't just stop doing it, and they'd be in the shit if we did because trained carers are expensive, so they can get away with that - FUCK the tories, honestly.

i am EXCEEDINGLY lucky that i live in a cheap area of the uk, that haz and i are internet savvy enough to be able to access carers/disability discounts, that we are in rent-controlled social housing (which my crisis team helped find for us because living with my parents was taking such a toll on us both, woo!!!!), and that we've been able to access services to help on the nhs. i got my autism assessment and diagnosis; haz is under several pain management teams.

all in all, i'm happy. i'm so much happier than i was seven years ago when i'd dropped out of university and felt like a huge failure, because all of my life i was a gifted overachiever and i thought my self-worth was tied to my academic achievements (and as an extension, what roles i got in what shows and when and who saw me and so on). i don't have a lot of money (i am a bargain shopped fgbnkjgjnfb) but i know what i like and because i'm Older Now (tm) i've amassed collections of it.

i am absolutely sure that you'll boss college, anon! that you will find that thing that works for you (one day i would LOVE to go back and get my degree! pre-covid i had an acceptance for a creative writing degree and i was getting ready to go back to uni as a mature student, but haz's health got bad again and then covid happens - and now ofc i have my autism diagnosis i can access so much more help!). but even if you don't, you can absolutely find happiness without 'traditional' success.

i don't have a lot in the grand scheme of things. but you're right in that i am doing pretty well, in terms of where i am, and where i've been. i have my own little home. i have my partner of ten years who is my soulmate in every conceivable way. i've had experiences that make me feel so happy i sometimes cry when i remember them. i have my own little cat now!!! things still stress me out. but i have come so so far and when i feel down i remember that.

good luck anon! i believe in you <3

[yanderefan-kimi]

Kurobe Makoto and the path of cruelty

Heeey yall this isn't something I normally do but I thought I'd finally live up to my username and start talking about some yandere characters! I was recently rereading this series in anticipation for it resuming soon when this panel (the second image) caught my eyes again, so I decided to rant a bit about this, so here goes *cracks knuckles*

Just a small disclaimer: I'm not an art history major or anything like that, I literally just googled this painting and read the wikipedia article because it fascinated me

Okay so let's start with a VERY brief description of this series, since I don't believe it has been officially translated yet so I don't know how many people have heard of it:

This is デスゲーム漫画の黒幕殺人鬼の妹に転生して失敗した (which basically translates to "I Reincarnated As The Mastermind's Little Sister from a Death Game Manga and Failed") which was originally a web novel by Inaida Sou and was adapted to manga form by Pepu.

I won't go too deeply into the details because I think it's the sort of story that's more fun to read yourself, but the basic premise is that Kurobe Mai, the protagonist, has reincarnated into one of her favorite manga series... which was unfortunate, since it happens to be a Death Game series and she happens to be the first victim. Her older step-brother, Makoto, is a psychopath and the mastermind behind said Death Game in the manga. With a year until the start of the manga, Mai's determined to stop her brother, but her actions cause him to develop an abnormal obsession with her...

In chapter 13, the two stop by an art museum that was showing a medical science exhibit (split into three sections: Exploring the Body, Disease and Death, & Love and Life.) They're both looking around until Makoto comes to a stop at this painting in the 2nd section of the exhibit and stares at it silently for a while. That is, William Hogarth's: The Reward of Cruelty - which is his final work in his Four Stages of Cruelty series (warning if you want to look this up, the paintings are a bit gruesome and unpleasant, on purpose.)

The Four Stages depicts the story of the fictional character Nero as he walks down the path of cruelty. In the First Stage, he's torturing a dog as a child. In the Second Stage, he goes on to beat his horse as an adult. In Cruelty in Perfection, he moves on to theft and murder. Finally, in The Reward of Cruelty, Nero has been hung for his crimes and his corpse publicly mutilated by surgeons.

These paintings were much different from Hogarth's other works because he wanted to shock and deter his audience. He was dismayed over the casual acts of cruelty he witnessed and wanted to warn others that the inevitable end of the path of cruelty was death as retribution.

I thought it was interesting how Makoto chose this specific painting to stare at. Sure, he was fascinated by the macabre, but I think it was likely because he realized that he was walking that path of cruelty himself.

Ever since he was young, he found everyone and everything to be dull and uninteresting. He never struggled at anything, could easily read others, and couldn't empathize with anyone. The only thing that excited him was death. So he started torturing and killing insects, but like all addictions, it was never enough. Soon enough he started desiring for bigger, harder targets. Like a cat, or a dog... or a human.

Makoto realizes that his desire for death and pain was far from normal, but he also felt no desire to change himself. I wonder if he was staring at that painting like he was looking at his inevitable end. Throughout the series, he's been devising various schemes to get Mai's attention (as well as juggling between wanting to kiss her and kill her), but she always strives to surprise him, so what if he fails? What if he succeeds? Was there nothing awaiting the end of his journey other than his early death?

After he's been staring at the painting for a while, Mai comes up behind Makoto and asks if he's finding the exhibit interesting and if he's feeling better. He hugs her, saying that he's fine, and the two go home without ever stepping into the third section (Love and Life.) Now, he's been getting more and more touchy-feely towards Mai with each chapter, but I felt like this hug was a bit... softer. Like he wanted some reassurance that he wasn't at that final stage of cruelty, that he hasn't gotten his "reward" yet.

Anyways, I'm just really fascinated by this scene since it was pretty much glossed over in the web novel, so it was something that Pepu-sensei decided to add in for a reason. Now we're at the gushing part of the post cuz I really think Pepu-sensei is incredibly skilled at panel/scene composition in manga and it's fun to analyze specific scenes and guess the reasoning behind them. (I am vaguely referencing the center spread from the first chapter, which I might talk about later but it's really great, trust me)

Basically, I really love this series (PLUS Inaida-sensei is one of my fav authors and I love Pepu-sensei's art sm) and I really can't wait to see where it goes. It has a good following so we're actually gonna get a whole extra volume and I'm so excited to see what new arc they're gonna throw at us!! And and I'm super excited to see how some scenes in the finale are gonna play out and I should probably stop gushing or I will never finish this post lol.

(if you like yandere, I highly suggest this series!! Plus this is the only series with Kurobe Mai so... 👀)

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

Metaru, i'm not sure if you're into Fnaf even remotely, but! i would like to tell you about one of my favorite guys from the thing:

Michael Afton.

so, let me just set the scene for you.

this guy, our good buddy Mike here, has (in no particular order):

- accidentally killed his younger brother in a prank gone horribly wrong (stuck said younger brother's head into an animatronic's mouth to scare him) when he was teenager (age during this incident has never been confirmed, but the best guess we have is that he was a teen), and has likely been living with the guilt ever since.

- lost his little sister to one of his father's creations, and perhaps never learned the truth of what actually happened to her until he was an adult.

- learned at some point that his father is a serial child murderer, and at some point chose to make it his mission to help free their souls and put them to rest.

- was at some point instructed, by his father, to go find his sister in this underground location and to free her somehow.

- got his insides scooped out (literally, the machine that was used for this is called "The Scooper") by the robot that his sister's soul possesses so that she and three other robots (well. their endoskeletons) can crawl into his body and puppet it around to escape.

- was forced to sit back as these animatronics puppeted him around while his body rotted.

- had the robots eject themselves from his corpse, only to be told that he wouldn't die, and then miraculously come back to life.

- was likely outcasted by his neighbors after his body started visibly decaying, enough to where he started "living in shadows" (his words).

- had nightmares that (i personally believe) were caused by guilt after what happened to his brother.

- (if you believe that Mike Schmidt and Michael Afton are the same guy) got targeted by his father's victims because, unfortunately, he looks like his father (Michael implies in a speech he did to his father that the Sister Location animatronics confused Michael for his father because they look similar - "They didn't recognize me at first, but then...they thought I was you.") and also because the ghosts target the nightguards.

- (if you believe the Fnaf 3 nightguard was Michael) had his own father attempt to kill him twice. (Fnaf 3 and Pizzeria Simulator)

- promised to hunt down his father after finding out everything ("There is only one thing left for me to do now. I'm going to come find you. I'm going to come find you.").

and, last but not least,

- died in a fire that was started to set all of the souls free, including his father's (although he was burnt to keep him from harming anyone else, and also did not really get peace like anyone else - "Although for one of you, the darkest pit of hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the devil waiting, old friend."), and it's stated that he didn't get trapped in there accidentally, but that he stayed there on purpose, likely to die with the rest of his family ("And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you. Although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be.").

so...yeah, he's an interesting little guy.

also, he's British. and in Utah. (because, fun fact, the books confirm that Fnaf takes place in Utah, specifically a small town in Utah).

how. how the fuck did this happen twice. what is it with fictional British men and Fucking Utah. Metaru i have two nickels. How.

(anyway, enjoy my ramblings!)

utah is cursed

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hey, there! I hope you don’t mind, but here’s a few questions from the ask game🤭💜☺️ Can you please do Blizzard, December, Chanukah, Hailstone, Hot chocolate, Polar, Snow, and Mulled wine for the ask game 🥺 No pressure, of course! I hope you have a great day❤️☺️🫂

Heyyy ~ ❤️ I never mind!! Okay, I answered two of them already:

Blizzard & Hailstone

December - do you have any irrational fears?

I don't believe that any fear is irrational. If you think about it hard enough, any reason to be scared of something is reasonable because we all experience the world differently. Fear protects us, it keeps us alive - to an extent. Sometimes it's detrimental, but it comes largely from the part of us that loves us and is invested in our health and safety. On the other hand, I have a phobia of water splashing back on me at work and getting into my hair. So I always stand back at least an arms' length away when I'm sorting out the chemicals I'm using all day. I work with strong chemicals - corrosives, irritants, bleaches, powders, etc., which would melt my hair right off if it ever got into my hair. If I think water splashes back, I spend the next five to ten minutes worrying so intensely about my hair that I get a psychosomatic burning across my scalp. I'll go look in the nearest mirror to make sure there's no wet patch, I'll be dabbing at the spot with my wrist to alleviate the itch, I'll ask coworkers if there's anything there. There's never anything there, I'm very careful, but I fear it all the same. And this illustrates my point - to you, that precaution of me literally jumping away from running water/leaning back when using chemicals/getting very anxious about splash back may sound silly (and that's okay), but to me, it's a very reasonable thing to be scared of. Fear, like everything in life, is subjective. And I don't think it's ever irrational - there's always a reason someone is scared. Fear in itself is a survival mechanism we've used to keep us alive for millennia. What was it the 12th Doctor once said? "Fear is your friend - it is a superpower".🥺❤️

Chanukah - who would you want to play you in a movie of your life?

Hmm... I don't know. Maybe Maya Hawke? She'd capture the awkward social skills quite well and the tendency to ramble. I can't really think of anyone.

Hot chocolate - how would you like to be remembered?

As someone who loved hard, tried her best, and lived her life inside her head.❤️

Polar – would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy?

Hmmm... this feels like one of those 'trick' questions where there's a massive downside which isn't considered when initially answering. So I'll cop out - I'll stay just as I am, but not living with my parents. That'd fix me, and I'm not joking. Because I'm at my happiest when I'm away from them.

Snow – what fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

I don't wanna say who I'm thinking of because that'll feel like poking a wasp's nest.😂

Mulled wine - do you speak any other languages?

Unfortunately, no. I tried teaching myself Japanese and Korean a few years back, and the most I can remember is the odd word here or there.

Thank you for the questions!!!❤️

[the-sage-libriomancer]

When I was a kid I read a lot, and I mean a lot. I often read a novel a week, and sometimes I even managed to read multiple novels a week because I was literally devouring half a book per day. And yes, I did read well-known series like Harry Potter and A Series of Unfortunate Events, big names like Diana Wynne Jones and Neal Gaiman, and classics like Anne of Green Gables and The Little Prince. They left fingerprints on me like everything else, and I'll admit I often go back to reread them because they hold up extremely well now that I'm an adult.

But if you asked me to name my favorite books as a kid, the novels that I actually consider my childhood and remember today with fondness and fuzzy nostalgia, it wouldn't be any of the big names. They were the random books I found on my library's shelves: middle-grade fiction of all genres, the modest novels that weren't bestsellers, weren't the sort of books I could mention offhand and everyone would know them, but were solid and well-written and a perfect gateway to the world of words and storytelling.

I don't even remember half of the book's names, to be honest, much less the authors. But I remember the impact. I remember how much they meant to me.

I remember a book called The Death-Defying Pepper Roux, about a boy who slipped on identities like old coats and whose words still warm me like a roaring fire. I remember The Fog Divers, about a world where society lived on huge platforms built on mountains to escape a debilitating fog. I remember the works of Eva Ibottson, Dial-A-Ghost and Which Witch and A Dog and his Boy and The Secret of Platform 13.

I remember What We Found In The Sofa And How It Saved The World, a weird book about three kids who befriend a humanoid alien(?) and help him defeat his father, another alien who wants to conquer humanity. For some reason it captivated me—I still get emotional when I remember a scene where the main character dies, briefly reunites with his deceased parents, and later proves it really happened when he finds a box of old comic books right where his dad said they would be. I also remember that he was brought back to life in the body of a clone and had to live the rest of his life without a belly button. I found that really funny for some reason.

I remember The Map To Everywhere, a series about a girl who finds a mysterious map and sets sail on a sea of magic. The ship's crew were my favorite characters: Ardent the adventurous wizard, Coll the sailor with a cursed rope tattoo, and Fin, a boy who slipped out of people's minds the second they took their eyes off of him. The places they visited didn't stick in my memory, but the feeling of exploring them, eyes running hungrily over the page as a scene formed vividly in my head, certainly has.

I remember a book about a spoiled Rapunzel who had no social skills, who hid her long hair by pretending to be a hunchback, and who rashly gave up her only wish to save a frog that turned out to only be hibernating. I remember a book about a Scabble player who had the strange ability to telepathically read whatever tiles he touched and whose father "died" from an illness that doesn't exist. I remember a book about a girl who discovered she'd been switched at birth, went to live with her father in a home filled with fictional characters pulled straight from books, and fought the Miser (who, it turned out, loved her mother dearly and could not cope with losing both of his closest friends when she died).

I remember a book about a homeless boy living in a van in Ontario, Canada. I recall a lot of details about that book, but the scene that's always fresh in my mind is when he wins a game show, expecting he and his mother's troubles to finally be over, but learns that he can't touch the money until he's 18 and promptly bursts into tears. Just as vividly, I remember the following scene: millions of strangers see the show and donate money, enough for him and his mother to leave the streets.

I remember books I don't know the titles of, but the events of which touched me deeply: one about a girl who copes with her problems by letting the neighbor boy think she's a ghost, one about an unwilling time traveler who jumps into other people's bodies to save his best friend, one where a boy gives in to peer pressure and breaks an autistic kid's teeth with a rock. (Heroes didn't always turn away from their dark impulses, I learned. I haven't had a realization rock me that deeply since.)

And from my even younger days: the Fudge series, the Ramona series, the Horrible Harry series. I used to read the Weenie series, a series of short story collections that brought genuinely "warped and creepy tales." I remember loving Roald Dahl's books - not classics like Willy Wonka or the BFG, but books like The Witches and George's Marvelous Medicine. I adored Wayside School, and to this day I will randomly think about Maura-flavored ice cream and a woman with an extra ear on her head and dead rats that walk out when the conversation gets too sappy.

Some books carve themselves into your bones, rewire your brain, and tear chunks out of your heart. But other books are more like a cat pile—pressing themselves against you like a weighed blanket, purring gently against your chest, and the more you gather, the more happy and content you feel. You can sink into the memories of them without fear, knowing you'll be supported and you won't find anything unwelcome there.

I don't remember any of the authors. I had to leave some of the books off this list because I couldn't remember enough to make a good entry, just vibes and vague impressions. But those are the books I'll look back on when I think about by bookworm days, more than Harry Potter, more than Anne of Green Gables or The Little Prince. I wouldn't be able to tell you more than a couple sentence's worth about each of them, but I KNOW they shaped me, I KNOW they turned me into the storyteller I am today, and even if I can't pinpoint specific novels, sometimes I'll write a sentence or think up a story idea and I can tell exactly which of my old favorite stories led me to it.

So thank you, authors. I won't have the opportunity to tell you in person, and I'll likely never discover your names, but those perfectly modest middle-grade fiction novels sitting quietly on the library shelves meant so much more to me than I can ever express. Maybe they weren't bestsellers, and maybe they didn't have the cultural impact of all those big-name book series, but to a bookish kid who couldn't quite get her feet under her until she read your words, those books made the universe.

[ell-vellan]

Get to know the blogger

Tagged by @anneapocalypse ! I utterly missed this earlier, but thank you! I'll happily play despite the fact that I am terribly, terribly boring. Apologies.

Share your wallpaper: I just got a new laptop because my old one died, and I haven't customized the wallpaper yet, so it's just a cool default picture of space. Previously though it's been the cover of a thing I worked on which I'm obsessed with

Last song you listened to: Work Song by Hozier (because I can NOT get enough of the line "no grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her")

Currently reading: Burn by Jolie Vines (I preordered it but haven't gotten very far yet, though I tore through all the other books in the series), like a dozen fanfics (oh god I'm sorry I promise I'll get to them), and I left off the second book of ACOTAR whose name escapes me. I should probably finish something eventually, but I've been in an awful attention-span rut. I tend not to get into a book while I'm writing because my brain can't switch tracks like that very well

Last movie: I literally have no idea. I can't even remember lol. Wait! Maybe the new Lady Chatterley's Lover on netflix! It was okay? Didn't live up to the hype for me

Last show: I've watched nothing but Bluey on repeat for the past 72 hours. It's become background noise. The last grown up show I watched was Shadow & Bone but somehow I just can't finish it no matter how much I really really want to!

Craving: a full 12 hours alone in my house. please, God

What are you wearing right now: Red t-shirt from my hometown and pink shorts

How tall are you: 5'4"

Piercings: Ears, which are probably closed because I haven't worn earrings in ages.

Tattoos: Zero. I have a thing about something on my skin that I can't wash off, and it would drive me crazy.

Glasses? Contacts? Glasses 99 percent of the time unless it's a special occasion. My eyes rejected contacts years ago and it makes me sad.

Last drink: Water because I am a BORING BORING ADULT

Last thing you ate: Chicken margherita pasta

Favorite color: I've always said blue, but lately I think I'm shifting to a specific shade of mint somewhere between green and blue

Current obsession: I'm really deep in my work right now so I guess I can say that? I really am super into it though! It does unfortunately mean I'm between hyperfixations :/ The Dragon Age brainrot has definitely roared back to life in this past year though.

Any pets: A fat white & orange himbo and a crabby dilute calico/tabby mix

Favorite fictional character: Limiting this to just Bioware characters because I've had a lot in my lifetime: The Iron Bull, Zevran, Fenris, Alistair, James Vega, Javik, Shale, David Anderson, Lace Harding, Inquisitor Ameridan, Legion, Joker, Thane

Tag time! @thegoblinwitchqueen @meanestmeanie @beastofmoss @thebookworm0001 and anyone else who'd like to play.

[pop-punklouis]

my thoughts about alice in borderland, the "games" is like a limbo, a place in between life and death. they have this 'visa' whenever they play and i think that those who d.ied or commited s.uicide inside the game are the people who literally died in the real world when the meteor hit the city. those who survived happened to live irl, surviving the meteor.

also, we were given three different explanation when arisu asked the queen of hearts and tbh, i like the first explanation first where she said that they're playing virtually in the future. i think it's more believable, as well as the second where she said that she's his psychiatrist bc his friends really died irl bc of car accident and arisu can't bear the guilt so he made up a scenario, and he happened to include usagi, too.

it was a roller coaster ride, and i was kinda (🤡) when i found out that the others were alive, too? like they were literally shot and stabbed inside the game? but i'm not compalining, haha.

so excited about the joker, too! what's your thoughts about it? sorry for rambling, english is not my main language and i hope you understand and share your thoughts, too!

have a nice day, hopeee! 💘

hi babe! thank you for talking to me about this!! (and to everyone who is rambling with me in my dms)

but i tend to agree. i like how the “country” could branch off into mental health range or being part of a collective limbo for those who survived. but i do wish it was more science fiction/futuristic dystopian explanation wise. the meteor felt like a cop out when laid out next to the other explanations the queen of hearts gave (which that entire episode could’ve been thirty minutes shorter it went on for TOO long rip). like what was the point of the advantageous, progressive plant species that ann ended up discovering was true?? i also have so many questions about the child who showed up in S2? we never see any other children in the entire game, and i know more than that child survived. so i would’ve liked to have seen more explanation and even discussion from the characters about that. there are many aspects of the narrative that seem to have holes in it or weren’t fleshed out enough for me to be satisfied with the ending explanation for the world 🧍🏼‍♀️ but with it being a manga/anime i cant criticize it too much. it’s one of the best adaptations i’ve seen of a manga/anime to live action.

i would’ve loved the explanation to lean more science fiction like the virtual reality ending that you said! or even the rich betting on these AI cyborgs that believe they’re actually human. the mental health one was fascinating and fit the story, but it also felt like a cop out that it was all happening in his mind yk? the other two felt so much cooler and like it existed within the same confines of the world that was built for the games.

although episode 7 is what GOT ending wishes it was, i was also screaming at like. aguni being shot in the head by the king of spades (who would never miss djdkdkdk) yet it only grazing his head, or akane being shot with a machine gun up her middle and still being able to crawl all the way out of the alley to be with aguni to cuddle or even the pipe bomb exploding and both aguni and arisu getting up after djdkdkd it was very manga in that regard which is fun but when translated to real life it was absurd 💀💀 i wish we got more depth to the characters in the end instead of blips of like chisiyah or kuina. and we didn’t get much of chisiyah’s background besides him being a doctor with the most anime look i’ve ever seen which was unfortunately so hot 😪 wish we got to see more of that.

BUT! i think my main complaint is that i wish the games this season were more psychological and strategic like last season. a lot of them were more physical this time. wish we got more games like the two chisiyah went through. those were the most engaging ones for me to watch yk 👁

and yeah the joker was an interesting ending. i like how it left it open to interpretation of that being a mass hallucination and not the true ending. like we, as well as the characters, were all tricked to believe it was over. OR it could mean that we were tricked into believing it was more than it was. which would be a tongue-in-cheek way to end it lmao but also i don’t think there’s going to be another season so it’s just what each person takes away from it which is cool in its own way!

hope you have a nice day too bb ✨👐🏼

[septembersghost]

I absolutely hate when people talk about Taylor's rumoured hookups. This is why I hate the theories like WD=AS or Tenfefife sea is about Taylor or even her supposed hookup with matt Healy . Being invested in her s*x life is weird. Talking/guessing about whether joe banged her when she wore a black dress is weird. Swifties really think stanning someone means you have authority to discuss most intimate details of their life. (Same with harry. I saw someone diagnosing him of ADHD on fucking tiktok because apparently he forgets things is invasive.) Also if you don't think she was being truthful about a song make up your own story for that instead of playing guessing games. Saying she *definitely* did x y z is fucking weird. We don't know them. They are strangers to us. She is a celebrity not our best friend. Let that woman live her life

yeah i am very uncomfortable with that myself. i don't have a problem discussing her muses/experiences to an extent, and the way she embeds that into her work, because i think it's worthwhile in understanding her and what her writing means from her (even when we then internalize it and make her music about experiences/feelings for ourselves! which we should!), separating her and what she's telling us from her art does her a disservice, i think, and there are so MANY meaningful connections between her various songs/albums that the whole picture of it is more clear when we do extend her that understanding. but, for me, that's different than "theorizing" about stuff that isn't a part of the work or we don't have a concrete basis for. (this is not even to MENTION some of the things that go on, i just don't know how people get so lost that they can't see when what they're doing is invasive and wrong to the point of being unwell). the talk about [insert famous man she interacted with here] upsets me when we know how much that damaged her and made her feel like she couldn't even have a relationship! and maybe i'm a hypocrite because i've discussed situations and romances she expresses in depth on the albums, but by the unfortunate default of our celebrity culture and the reporting that goes with it, we do know those things and recognize the people and connections in them, there are just...lines to what i'm comfortable with. like, for example, i don't mind talking about what joe means to her because it's literally all over five albums' worth of material and has fundamentally changed her life, but publicly assuming things about their intimate moments or dissecting them to exploit their presumed flaws is just...??? those are real people!!! their status as public figures doesn't make them less deserving of respect and consideration! it's super weird to talk about real peoples' lives and most private moments like that. or with wcs, i don't feel it's okay to guess what she experienced (and it's even worse to say she's lying for attention...my god), all we need to recognize is that whatever happened traumatized her and is something she's spent many years processing, and that's enough to give her compassion!

i also really do not like the armchair diagnoses that go on in fandom either (since you mention that with harry), treating human beings like fictional characters simply doesn't sit well with me. if someone hasn't openly discussed a struggle or a diagnosis, it's not up to us to assign it to them.

why do you think they then express feeling trapped or feeling like they're not allowed to breathe or ever slip or up that they've been turned into dolls? it's remarkably unfair. :/

idk i just feel like it becomes far too easy for some to separate from the idea of famous people as also being real, flesh and blood, people in this world. everyone has different lines in discussing that, but there are some very firm ones for me.

[consouling]

The contemplating of how Universal Mediocrity affects the heroes and villains is fun and all, but I'm thinking about how it affects the common folk.

I'm imagining that it's like the Narrative Potential (NP) concept from writing-prompts. Where some people have more NP than others, and those people live their life like the protagonist of a fictional world and have wacky and traumatic adventures. While everyone else lives less than interesting lives.

Now everyone is below average and mediocre.

You know that phrase, 'If everyone is special, then no one is special?' Well, the DC universe has become the antithesis to that.

"If everyone is mediocre, then no one is."

And I imagine it goes something like this.

No one knows what happened.

The heroes. The villains. Some of the most rich and famous people in the world. They're dropping like flys.

The police have finally been doing their jobs.

Bruce Wayne and Oliver Queen have been arrested for child endangerment. No one can tell if it was before or after people found out they were Batman and Green Arrow. It was so obvious.

Lex Luther and a whole bunch of other rich assholes have been arrested as well. Money can't save someone that blatantly evil.

Superman, Flash, Captain Marvel, and all other super powered heroes have dropped off the face of the earth, and no one knows where they went or how to find them.

Not that it matters because all their villains have become less... scary? Competent? I don't know, but they are such a less threat that they keep getting arrested by normal cops. Some of them even disappeared all together.

It also seems that no one's gadgets are working anymore. The normal guns are fine, unfortunately, but the super fancy freeze rays and such are all jamming? That's what it looks like, at least. It's confusing the villains as well.

People stopped getting assassinated.

Anyway, villains are disappearing quickly. Yay. But so are heroes. Some were arrested, and some just vanished as I've said. The Teen Titans were officially disbanded after....

Why were they even a team anyway? Their name is literally the TEEN Titians. Gosh.

No one talks about what happened to Wonder Women.

...

Enough about heroes and stuff.

My name is Julius, but my friends call me Juls.

I was, unfortunately, taking a long look in the mirror this morning and didn't like what I saw more than usual.

But it wasn't my face this time. Or my weight or my big feet.

It was my clothes.

Why were they so... bland?

Just plain coloured shirts and long pants. I can't even tell what materials they're made of.

I was going shopping today so I guess I'll get more variety? I guess? What would I even get? What do I want to look like.

What do I... want.

I'm out the door before I can finish my own question. It feels as if I should've been staring at myself a little longer. Linger on what to wear a little longer.

I walk through the streets of good old Gotham. Nothing happens on the way.

It's at a store called 'Dangerfield' where I find the answer to my questions.

A hat.

A mom hat.

One that looks like it belongs on the beach, in the sand. I pick it up, securing the thing of the top of my head. I look into the nearby mirror, tilting the hat up to reveal my full face and the mediocrity my friends call bangs.

It's a creamy pale colour with a black band and bow at its trim.

I like it. I need more.

Searching the store, I find gartars, punk boots, bright pink skin tight tops... maybe this is the wrong store.

Paying for my hat, I walk store to store looking for things to match it. In Gotham, walking around aimlessly always gets you in trouble, but...

Nothing happens.

I noticed a store called 'Tree of Life' and took a peak.

While standing there I bump into the worst person you ever could when in Gotham.

Tim Drake.

He looks good as always. Black hair, cool demeaner, that weird outfit combo of a dark hoodie over a white button-up only he could pull off. There's a pimple on his bottom lip. Weird. How old was he again?

The thing was, when Tim Drake was in the vicinity, something always happened. Always.

I mutter an apology before quickly turning into the store.

We both walk in.

Fuck!

I worried all of five seconds when something caught my eye.

A white, flowy shirt with long sleeves that gets wider at the ends gets plucked from its hanger as I run over to the changing rooms.

Oh. My. God.

I don't even need new pants or shoes with this shirt. In fact, anything fancier on the bottom would look a bit much.

I excitedly check the price tag, and my jaw hits the floor.

"BITCH!"

Storming out of the changing room and back to the shirts' original place; someone appears in front of him.

"Hey, I could buy that for you."

Tim Mother Fucking Drake

"Really?!" The hope spills out of my mouth completely on accident.

"Sure, why not."

He started to talk about how it would look on me on our way to the counter. It was so utterly normal that I forgot I was talking to the know walking disaster that is Tim Drake.

He pays for the shirt as I gingerly wait behind him.

"Right, introductions, my name's Julius, but you can call me Juls."

I ask why he was here, and he goes on to explain that it's his boyfriend, Bernard's, birthday soon, and he's picking out a present.

He asks me the same question and...

"I just... thought... better? Of myself. Like everyday, day by day, I get more... vain. And today I just realised I absolutely hated the clothes I had. So I'm getting more."

"You got more vain day by day?"

"Yep, I think it started when the Justice League... you know..."

Tim's brows scrunched in thought.

Was he always this expressive? I see him everywhere on TV and such, but he was never this animated. Always with a fake plastered smile while in fancy events or a neutral resting face even when with friends and especially out in public.

I tell him that I want to put my new shirt on immediately, and he asks if it's alright with me if he comes shopping with me.

I say it's alright, of course. After buying this shirt for me, he could do whatever. After finishing changing into the shirt while also putting on my new hat, I find Tim out waiting to go. I expected something to happen while we were here.

Nothing did happen.

While on our way to an accessory store, we ran into someone familiar yet not. To me at least.

They were Goth... I think. I've never been too good at labels. But I've never seen a Goth out and about before. Which is weird because this is Gotham.

Weirder still is that I know this new Goth and this Goth knows me.

"Juls?"

"..." I squint at the black eye shadow and deep eye liner. "...Mia?"

"Took you long enough."

"What are you wearing?!"

"What are /you/ wearing?"

... damn... she got me there.

"I just... like it?"

"Same"

We stared at each other for a few seconds before snickering and laughing subdued, but still out loud.

Mia then goes on an entire rant about all our other friends going out and doing the same as us. Trying things on, building a character, a style, a personality.

Mia tells of Alex the wine aunt, Kiara in kids clothes, Eden the model and Wes in skater cloths instead of his usual basketball uniform. Jay's still in his old clothes, though.

No one knows why they're doing this, just that they didn't like themselves and decided to do something about it.

"You look like a mom."

"You look like you died 40 years ago."

"I take that as a compliment. Thank y-holy shit is that Tim Drake?"

"He's been there the whole time."

"Sup."

After Mia's internal screaming, she had to run off for her ordered coffee before it got cold, immediately regretting buying it instead of getting to chat with Tim

"You were great company Tim, but I think I should get home."

"Yeah, thanks for hanging around."

We exchnged numbers, but before any other movement, a scream rang out.

"Oi! My bag!"

A man ran out from an ally way before being immediately knocked down and on the ground struggling to get up.

My knuckle started to throb as I realised what I did. I guess today, my fight or flight chose violence.

While stunned, I see Tim restrain the man before going to return the bag.

I go to thank him, then head home as soon as possible. It's getting dark, and you don't want to know what happens in Gotham at night. But on the walk home, expect that robbery, nothing happened

I looked in the mirror and saw someone I liked a little more than I did before.

___________________

Tim didn't know what to do.

Everything is changing for the better, and yet it's worse.

Bruce and Jason are in jail. Damian is in juvenile detention. The Kent's confined themselves to the farm after their powers disappeared. Most of the super powered heroes have just stopped heroing altogether. Some are... cyborg, beast boy, blue beetal, so many of them are...

All because of... his mistake to his new brother. Old brother now. Danny's gone forever. We almost ended him. And his daughter.

...

He went out in civilian clothes today just to see what it was like to try to live normally. He got his boyfriend to drive him there. Plus, it's almost Bernard's birthday soon.

...it went better than expected.

He met a new friend. Julius.

He said he was changing, and so were his friends. Tim didn't notice it. That the people, the regular people, were so... bland, common. They had no individuality. But now they do.

He expected something to happen when in the store but nothing happened.

When walking with Julius to another shop, talking with his friend, nothing happened.

A robber appeared. There has been a stark less of those. Tim didn't even have to do anything. All he did was restain and return a bag.

When waving goodbye, Tim also decided to walk home instead of calling for Alfred.

Nothing happened.

In a couple hours, Tim is back at the manor, unlocking it himself instead of any friendly face opening it for him. Right. Almost everyone is out. No one could pick him up even if he asked. Because Alfred is also dead.

Tim slumps down on the dusty carpet floor and cries.

Nothing happened.

 Tim was really starting to get worried about his new brother.

Danny moved into Wayne Manor after his parents were arrested.  Jack and Maddie Fenton opened  a portal to the infinite realms with no way of stopping any of the world-ending threats. They let the ghosts wreak havoc and never once closed the portal. 

Danny had gotten some sort of connection to an ancient being. The Justice League Later found out that the ancient being was using the connection to gain a way to stay on Earth. They were able to sever the connection but Danny is not getting any better.

Since the attacks in Amity Park started Danny has been getting sicker and sicker. He got paler and started to bruise more easily. But after they severed the connection he seemed to no longer have energy.

Even now that they have gotten him away from amity park, nothing seems to be helping. It's been 3 months with no sign of getting better. they're on their last straw and they finally decided to get a magic user to try and help. unfortunately The person who knows the most is Constantine.

Constantine walked into the room with Bruce. Danny had no idea that they were connected to the Justice League and they were hoping to keep it that way. They don't want to stress him, especially with how sick he is.  Constantine and Bruce stopped in front of Danny.

 Bruce tried to use a gentle tone and said “ danny I know you're having a lot of trouble so I called in someone to help “

Danny had  an apprehensive look.

 “Kid, I just need your hand,” Constantine said as he reached out a hand. ”I'm not going to do any creepy shit, I'm just trying to make you better”

Danny reluctantly placed his hand onto constantines. it was a few minutes before Constantine Swar under his breath.

"What is it” Bruce demanded.

”the little ghosty left a parting gift”

“that's not an explanation” 

“the kids got a  neverborn”

 “What's neverborn?” Tim asked, interrupting their conversation.

 “The closest equivalent I can make is that technically Phantom got the kid knocked Up”