#it's all about the wireless ear bugs for me now

[strongermonster]

love this little kids daily positivity paragraph where he talks about how excited he is for christmas because his mom is gonna buy him "ear bugs" for to listen to all his favourite musics on <3

[mendeshoney]

hiiii i just want to say thank you for giving us all these stories, like it really makes my day seeing it on my feed. can you please write something about barzy being the readers boyfriend but also bsf so he gets all the tea every time lol

"You are never going to believe what I just found out."

The door closes and locks behind you at the same time that Mat's head whips around, his wireless headset falling from the force of the turn, and his character dies on the screen.

Faintly, you can hear the protests of his teammates through his headphones, and Mat's immediately scrambling, pulling the headset on and rushing out a quick goodbye. He turns off the game and tosses his headset onto the couch beside him, his whole body turning toward you.

"At 'The Debrief?'" Mat asks. If he were a dog, you would swear his ears would be perked all the way up and his tail would be wagging.

You nod, an excited smile on your face as you head to the fridge and grab the already open bottle of champagne, and when Mat sees it, he flies over the back of the couch and scrambles to grab the glasses from the cabinet.

"No fucking way," he says as he moves, just as excited, placing the glasses down on the kitchen counter in front of you.

"Do you want to guess who it involves? Or should I just tell you?" You ask, pouring the champagne in the glass first, and Mat tops it off with the orange juice he grabbed from the fridge.

"Just tell me," Mat insists. "I've been waiting for this since you left."

This had become a tradition between the two of you over the last six months.

Every two weeks, on a Sunday, you and your best friends gather at a bistro or café and catch up on everything going on in the others lives. You'd been friends with them since you were kids, lasting throughout high school and college combined, and now that you're all adults with your own lives, it's the main way to ensure you keep in touch.

Mat had gone to one of them when you first started dating. You forgot that you'd made plans with him on the same Sunday as what you and your friends liked to call "The Debrief," and your friends had been so excited to meet him that they encouraged you to bring him along.

Needless to say, Mat had never had so much fun being involved in gossip in his life.

"You hear things being on the team," he had told you after you'd left that day. "But none of them are that exciting. It's like watching a reality show unfold in real life."

Since then, he'd begged to go with you each time, but you always had to let him down to remind him that "The Debrief" is a closed event, and that he can't always tag along just because. But he'd been so sad about being told he couldn't be involved, you came up with this compromise.

After every day you went to "The Debrief," you'd come home to him and start what he dubbed as "The Mimosa Memo," where you'd summarize what you learned that morning and Mat could still feel like he was involved.

You take a swig of the mimosa, then lean your elbows on the counter and blurt out "Drea's older sister is pregnant."

Mat's mouth drops open, genuine disbelief on his face. "No! Alyssa? Is the dad the married fin tech dude?"

"Yep," you confirm, and Mat groans out loud.

"She's keeping the baby?!" He exclaims, and when you nod, he takes a swig of his own mimosa, shaking his head. "Andrea needs to talk some sense into her."

"Oh, she tried," you admit, recounting your friend's frustrated face. "I don't think I've ever seen Drea so mad before. Lyss even told Drea she was convinced that this would mean he would leave his wife for good."

Mat scoffs. "Yeah, alright."

"That's not even the best part," you insist after taking another sip.

You laugh as Mat's eyeballs bug out again, and he makes a 'hurry up' gesture with his hands. "Spit it out, I'm dying over here!"

"Fin tech bro?" You begin dramatically, feeling excitement when the anticipation is all over Mat's face. "His wife just found out she's pregnant too."

The gasp that leaves Mat's mouth is both vindicating and hilarious, and you can't help but laugh at his reaction. "Does Alyssa know?"

You shake your head. "We just found out at brunch. We Instagram stalked him, found his wife's account, and she posted a picture celebrating the end of her first trimester literally two days after Lyss found out she was pregnant."

Mat shakes his head, completely flabbergasted. He takes another large swig of his mimosa, and sighs, like he's exhausted by the drama that isn't even his. "What did Lyss say when Drea told her?"

You shrug, and Mat stares at you. "Drea said she was going to tell her when she got home."

"Are you kidding me?!" He pouts. "You're telling me I have to wait another two weeks to find out?"

You smirk, hiding behind the rim of your glass. "Guess so."

His nostrils flare, and his shoulders sag. "If Drea texts you before then you have to tell me about it."

You raise a brow at him. Usually he's eager, but not this eager. "Why?"

A slight flush creeps up his cheeks. "No reason."

"Mathew." You deadpan. "What did you do?"

He stares at his glass like it's the most interesting thing the entire world. "I.....may or may not have told a few people a couple of things I learned from 'The Debrief' and 'The Mimosa Memo' and they may or may not also want updates."

You stare at him blankly. "So you told Tito, Tyson, and Ethan."

"And Lianna," he clarifies. "But that's it."

A groan leaves your lips, and you tip back the rest of your mimosa. "See, this is why you're not allowed at 'The Debrief,' you've got loose lips."

"You're the one telling me stuff!"

"I'm allowed to! The rules extend to significant others, but not beyond that!"

Mat frowns. "So if I can't tell the guys about Drea's sister?"

You roll your eyes, pouring more champagne and head straight to your bathroom to run a bubble bath, ignoring Mat's cries of protests as you retreat.

[thearchivistsjournal]

Day 200,

Morning thought: I wonder how they reckon the turn of the new year in this place?  As I recall, in my past world we counted it in early winter.  Sometime around now actually, given that the solstice was a couple of weeks ago.  Come to think of it, I’m not sure they even do distinctly mark the passage of years here.  They’re strangely averse to calendars here.  Part of the reason reorganizing the archive took so long.

Wait, but they still celebrate birthdays and refer to their ages by year.  Is this another “outsider auto translation” paradox?  This is going to bug me now until I ask someone about it, isn't it?

*******

No mists today, so no funeral.  In retrospect I probably should have gone outside to check on that before making my morning entry.

Anyway, back to yesterday’s exploration.

Once we’d confirmed that we could all hear the chanting I passed out the notebooks I’d taken from the archive.  The plan was for us all to try transcribing what we heard.  While the chanting did seem to be composed of multiple voices, as far as any of us could tell they all seemed to be speaking the same words in unison.  Thankfully the language of the Village uses a phonetic script, otherwise I’m not sure how we would have gone about writing down a bunch of unknown words.

First though, we took our time walking about the cathedral to see if we could identify a source for the chanting.  A task made confoundingly difficult by the apparent lack of direction to the sound, if indeed it truly even was a sound.  At any rate, covering our ears did nothing to make it quieter, yet talking loudly enough seemed to drown it out.  Almost like the ringing from a mild case of tinnitus; maddeningly loud when all else is quiet yet add in a little ambient noise and you practically forget it was ever there.

That all said the chanting did seem to get marginally louder the closer one got to the Reader statue.  Not that the statue was making the noise per say, for we could feel no vibration when pressing our hands to it and walking around it did nothing to the apparent directionality - or lack thereof - of the sound.  The best analogy I can think to give is one that I’m not sure if the Village’s language even has words for and I’m liable to give myself a headache if I try to think about or examine any of the individual words.  Said analogy being to compare the Reader statue to a wireless transmission antenna and our ears/brains/minds to receivers for the chanting.  The closer you get, the better the signal strength.

*******

Got curious and tried to really go back and examine those last two sentences I wrote a letter at a time then a word at a time.  It was… unpleasant.  Even more than I expected.  Headache, dizziness, nausea, the works.  Probably the worst reaction I’ve had to trying to bypass the auto translation.  Even worse than the first time I tried doing it before spending the weeks leading up to the rainy season practicing.  I wound up needing to take a break and lie down for a bit.

On the bright side, it makes for a decent topic transition as the only other time that came close to that was when I tried doing the phonetic transcriptions yesterday.  That made for an unexpected complication in our plans.  Not to mention that Maiko wasn’t yet quite proficient enough in writing to be able to keep up with the transcription as the words of the chant were being said.

Amending the plan, we decided that Cass, Lin, and Vernon would sit around the Reader while Maiko and I would keep walking around to see if there were any other loud spots or places where the chant seemed to change.

Maiko initially suggested that we split up to make the searching go faster, but I wasn’t about to go anywhere by myself on (probably) haunted ground.  

As we’d already noted in our initial sweep that the volume of the chanting swiftly dropped off as soon as we started to go down the stairs to the catacombs, we started by heading back out the door to case the surrounding area with its ruined foundations of side buildings.  That proved to be a less than fruitful endeavor.  The chanting - already quiet at that distance from the reader - cut off abruptly along with the chill as soon as we crossed the threshold, and nowhere amongst the wider ruins did it return.  We were just discussing the prospect of Maiko climbing to the lower terrace of the roof and checking to see if the voices could be heard from any of the broken windows when the rain that had been going all morning finally ceased.

Rejoining the others back inside the now quiet cathedral we compared notes over a lunch of what food we’d brought with us while we waited to see if the rain would return.  We confirmed that we were all hearing the same words, whatever they were, although there were - as expected - discrepancies in interpretations of pronunciations and how to best transliterate them.  And while there were gaps where someone’s focus would waver or their hand would cramp up resulting in missed words, having three sets of notes mostly patched those up.  Some words or phrases did seem to come up more than others, but during their time of transcription nothing ever seemed to loop.  Additionally, everyone that was in the cathedral at the time agreed that when the rain stopped, the voices cut off mid-sentence.

After an hour or so, the rain came back, harder this time.  The chanting seemed louder as well.

This time around Cass, Lin, and Vernon split up to different spots in the cathedral just in case there might be any variance in position beyond volume.  Meanwhile, Maiko and I returned to the catacomb.

We weren’t quite halfway down that spiraling staircase when I had another episode, flashing for a second - if even that long - to the other, capital-C Catacombs.  Thank goodness Maiko was there to catch me, or else I might have broken my neck tumbling down the stairs when my vision and awareness shifted.  What I saw in that moment  (or rather, heard) was the second most exciting thing of the day.

As ever in those nightmares, I was alone but I could still hear the chanting.  What’s more, I could understand it.  Unfortunately, it was too brief to make out more than a few words, taken mid-sentence, useless without context.

“-and then we will a-”

And then we will what?  Ascend?  Ask?  Answer? Aspirate?  As much as I’d like to think it’s that first one, there’s really no way of knowing for now.  I’ve never known it to rain on a mist night, and even if it did, it would hardly be safe to sleep down there with shades about.

Then again, for reasons I’ll get to shortly, perhaps not so unsafe as one might expect at first glance.

Once we finished our descent tumble-free it was obvious that the chanting was utterly absent here.  Maybe the rain had stopped already, but if that were the case, one of the others likely would have come down to let us know.  And so we began walking that pillared space once more, stopping and listening at intervals to see if the chanting returned as our location shifted.

Nothing.  Not even when standing directly under the Reader.

And then Maiko put a hand on one of the sarcophagi.  Gasped.  Told me to come over and do the same.

When I did so I could hear the chanting once more.  After a fashion.  Where the chanting heard above was comprised of many voices in unison, this was a singular speaker.  As I took my hand on and off the carved stone lid the voice started and stopped.  Or at least my ability to hear it did.  A quick test of Maiko keeping her hand on the sarcophagus and repeating the words as she heard them confirmed that the chant kept going without me listening and when I returned my hand I’d be hearing the same as Maiko.  Testing a few others, we confirmed that with each we heard a voice unique to that particular sarcophagus.

Maiko suggested that we check other sarcophagi to see if any of them were saying anything different from one another before we went back up to retrieve the others and have them record what they could hear down here.  It seemed a reasonable enough plan and I went along with it, thinking no more of it.  Nor did I object beyond a request to stay in eye and ear contact when Maiko said we ought to split up to check more at once.

I made the connection some time later when I heard a shout from the other end of the catacombs and realized I’d let Maiko out of my sight.  It wasn’t a loud shout.  The sort of noise you make when you want to scream in anger or frustration but are trying to stay quiet at the same time so it comes out more like a grunt.  Not loud enough to be heard by anyone upstairs.

I ran toward the noise, catching up just in time to see Maiko straining to dislodge the lid from a sarcophagus.  She ignored my cry as she lifted and pushed.  It was a strain even for her, but with a grinding of stone on stone she managed enough to peak in through a corner.  At times like that, I wonder if there’s something supernatural to her strength on top of her size and musculature.

Not that there was much time for such musings.  The deed was done, and by then I was close enough to peer around Maiko and take a look myself, curious despite all my protestations mere moments before.

Inside was a shade.

It was hard to get a good look at it through that aperture and their forms are indistinct by nature, so there was no way to tell if it had horns like Maiko or other features like Iole’s Ascended illustrations, but there was no mistaking what it was.  And just like a shade at morning’s first light, it melted and disappeared before our eyes.

A shade.

Lying in a box.

During the daytime.

And it dissipated when we opened the box.

Lining the interior of the sarcophagus on every surface I could see were carvings.  Inset into these carvings, filling them, were pieces of metal that brought to mind Priscilla’s map box and the machines in Melaina’s workshop, each perfectly shaped to fill their slot and flush with the surface.  Whether they were more examples of that ancient script or abstract geometric shapes I was too busy fighting down the warring reactions of panic and adrenaline to say with any certainty.

Maiko returned the lid to its original place without another word.

We stared at each other for a time.

Back to the stairs, still not a word.

No chanting from the box when I put my hand on it just before leaving.

Upstairs the others greeted us and asked if we found anything interesting down there given how long we’d been gone.

I told them that it was quiet down there, but if you put your hand on a sarcophagus you could hear chanting.  Just one voice, and a different voice per sarcophagus.

Neither of us mentioned opening one.

Cass of course literally jumped at the chance to head right down and try it out for herself.  Lin volunteered to stay up top and keep transcribing while Cass and Vernon went down and recorded what they heard there.  Maiko volunteered to escort them down and show them while I stayed to keep Lin company.

No one ever mentioned any kind of change or disruption that might have been connected to the release(?) of that shade.

We stayed in those grouping assignments until the rain stopped.  A second round of note comparisons indicated that, as best we could tell, the downstairs chanting was in sync with the upstairs.

Afterwards, we called it a day and headed back out, Maiko to the house and the rest of us to the Village in case the mists came the next morning and we were required for the funeral.  I’ve got hold of all three notebooks now.  Or rather, I did, but I’ve hidden them until I’m ready to go through them with Cass.  I worry this is the sort of answer-seeking that Theo wouldn’t take well to if he caught wind of it.

Speaking of Cass, I suppose I should mention that I’ve had her doing various bits of busywork around the archive today while I come up with excuses not to start going through the notes in detail yet.  Mostly I’m still trying to decide whether to tell her about Maiko opening that sarcophagus (“umbraphagus”?).  I’d hoped that writing down what happened would help get my thoughts in order for making a decision, but I’m not much further on that than when I started.

I’m still not sure why I didn’t tell the others about that, and it makes me sick keeping them in the dark like that.  And yet every time I start to I find myself either stopping or changing the subject.  The best words I can think to put to it is it feels like that Maiko and I crossed a line with our transgression, breaking too strong a taboo to even speak of the deed afterward.

First chance I get I should talk it over with Maiko.

Putting off thinking about a little while longer though, two hundred days.  That feels like another milestone.  I ought to say something retrospective here but I’m not sure what.  Some poetic comparison about the happenstance bookending of anticipating tomorrow’s funerary mist night compared to one hundred’s looking forward to a sunny day at the beach (and weird, revelatory conversation with Pat)?  Maybe a comparison of my experience of the island’s seasons?  How about this: a disclaimer to readers, whether future archivists, the future outsiders, or even my future self taking a stroll down memory lane.

If you haven’t figured out by now, I’m not a reliable narrator.  No one truly is, but I worry I may be worse than most in these journals of mine.  I simplify.  I streamline.  I’m far from objective in my descriptions.  I guess at people’s emotions because I’m bad at reading them and I probably make their personalities come across as flatter than they are because I record only my limited perspective and their relations to me.  I fill in blanks in my memory for the sake of narrative.  

The purpose of these journals from the beginning has been to help me make sense of myself and my circumstances, and this is how I do that.  Does that make me a bad archivist?  Perhaps, but I like to think it makes me human, and this was never for the official record anyway.

All of this, what has come before and what is yet to come, is not a record of events as they happened but as I experienced them.  We would all do well to remember the difference.

<==Previous          Next==>

[parkmuse]

Not So Honest (M)

Word Count: 9322 (Reposted) (Wonhopes Masterlist)

Jungkook has got a pretty BIG problem, and he desperately asks you for your help.

cr.

Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Dingdongdingdongdingdon-

You let out a heavy sigh, pausing your show as you get up from the couch to answer the door. That annoying repetitive doorbell rings could only come from one person.

“YAH! Where’s your fucking keys you brat-“ You stop mid-sentence from yelling at him because your eyes catch onto the large package he’s struggling to hold along with a mountain of grocery bags in his hands.

“Yeah, I forgot them this morning and remembered once I was at the store. By the way, this was at the doorstep-“ You immediately snatch it out of his grasp, twirling around as you let go of the door and let it slam back in his face. You run to the table, squealing as you set it down to try and go look for something to open it with. “My package arrived!”

You hear the front door rattle a few times before its shoved open again, him struggling to get all the bags in as he forces the door closed with a bang. “What the fuck Y/N? And I don’t even get a thank you for picking that up for you?”

“I didn’t ask for your help, Jungkook,” You replied, waving him off before you walked back over to your package.

You’ve been waiting a whole two weeks for another one of these Amazon packages. You did a little contract with some sellers there that you would test out their products for free and give your honest review in return that you get free samples of the items. So far you’ve gotten blenders, make up, wireless head phones, even a decent cellphone all for free. And all you had to do was type up a quick, honest review with the pros and cons of the product that took less than 5 minutes, then you could enjoy all your free shit. Did I say free already?

“What’s in the package? Another crappy phone?” Jungkook yells from the kitchen, placing all the food in their designated locations. You let out another heavy sigh before responding to him. “Why do you care? Go hangout with Jimin and suck each other’s dicks or something.”

“You’re just jealous cause I could probably get more dick or actually scratch that, any dick at all compared to you if I really wanted to.” You shot him a glare and he smirks, then sticks his tongue out before placing the milk in the fridge.

God, you hated that brat. You’ve hated him for so many years, basically all of your life since you’ve known each other since elementary. Your parents were great friends so you always had to hang out with him when you would go to each other’s houses, dealing with him pulling your hair and stealing all your food and toys from you almost three times a week. Once you hit high school you were even forced to baby sit him even though you were only two years older, but his parents baby him so much and think he’s not fit to stay alone in his own damn home that they’d throw him over at yours.

Even now, as two damn grown adults you are still stuck with him, forced to share an apartment since you two go to the same college because his parents don’t trust him alone or with strangers. It was a living nightmare since you basically had no privacy with this brat, always meddling in your stuff and your life and him walking out of his room practically naked every damn day. Sure, he’s grown up really well, and he’s always been cute I guess, but holy hell he gets on your nerves so much he’s lost the on chance that you would ever find him attractive. The only upside to this is that you get help paying rent, but honestly you think you’d rather live on the streets than be with this annoying kid.

At least your annoyance will be at its minimal today, too excited to let him cloud your day when you got more cool free shit-

“What the fuck?” You spit, eyes bugged and jaw dropped once you comprehend exactly what Amazon just sent to you.

“What? Another flip phone or some shit- woah,” Jungkook’s eyes widened as well once he peeks over your shoulder to see what the big deal was.

Sex toys.

Not one, not two.

A whole box full.

There were different kinds of toys like vibrators and silicone dicks in all the colors you could possibly imagine. You didn’t even know what half the shit in that box was either; there were weird looking eggs to obscure shaped things you assumed were supposed to replicate a dick but had an extended side that you couldn’t figure out what it was actually intended to do. You pulled out a box and on the cover read Sassy Anal Beads in fancy cursive lettering, finally making you lose your patience.

“Why the fuck would they send me this shit!?” You huffed, tossing the stuff back in the box. You had no use for any of this. Sure, they could keep you company since you were single as hell but you really wished they would have sent you something way more useful.

“Maybe they knew you needed it— OW!” Jungkook yelps as you punch him in the chest. He pouts as he clutches onto his pecs but you just roll your eyes.

“Shut up, you deserved it.” You walk back to the couch and plop on it with a sigh, resuming your TV show.

“Aren’t you supposed to review all this shit?” He says, digging through some more of the box as he pulls an unrealistic sized purple dildo.

“I’m not going to bother. I’ll just say they were all shitty or something,” You say as you bring your feet up to the coffee table.

“Well that’s not really fair. You have to give your honest opinion. What if King Cock Deluxe deserves five stars?” He snickers, waving it over in front of your face.

You scrunch your face in disgust, “Stop being gross.”

He laughs and tosses it back in the box, then pulls out another item. “What the hell is this thing?”

You see him examining it in his hands, his face scrunching up in confusion. It was small and black, a ring attached to the end and the top having two protruding bumps.

You’ve actually heard of that one before from one of your girl friends who was gushing all about it. It was a rabbit designed cock ring, the two ends from the top was actually a vibrator so when you had sex the “rabbit ears” would stimulate your clit. Your friend said although it looked really ugly it really did the trick, but her boyfriend never liked using it because it was way too tight on him.

“It’s a cock ring,” You said unamused, standing up to walk over to the kitchen.

“Cock ring?” Jungkook responded, still sounding confused as ever.

“Did I stutter?” You said, digging through the pantry.

“Does it make you feel really good or something?”

You turn back to face him so you can yell at him for asking so many questions, but stopped once you saw his face. He was still looking at the toy, examining it in his hand intensely.

A small smile crept on your lips, and you’re glad he was still too focused on the toy in his hands to see. “Yeah Jungkook, it makes you feel real good.”

He looks up at you with wide eyes, but quickly replaces his surprise with a lazy smirk. “Yeah right, this free shit would never work.” He tosses the toy back into the box.

You snicker at his response. How has he never heard of a cock ring? Was he that inexperienced? Jungkook’s a grown man, but you’ve always seen him as the little brat next door. “I mean, I heard that got a lot of positive feedback for being one of the best sex toys out there. Men go crazy about it,” You chimed in, continuing to tease him.

“That piece of rubber? Bullshit.” He walks back into the kitchen, throwing some more groceries into the fridge. After a couple of minutes of silence and fixing up the kitchen, Jungkook speaks up again.

“I mean, what does it even do? How is it that good?”

“I don’t know, but must be pretty amazing.” You were getting kind of tired of your little white lie, and his constant repetitiveness of the topic was staring to annoy you. Before he was about to speak up again you interrupted him.

“Jungkook! I told you to buy some more damn cereal!” You whack him on the back of the head and he groans.

“I got most of the stuff on the list!” He pouts.

“You had one job kid, and now we got milk and no cereal.” You huff, walking over to grab your purse. “I always have to do things on my own around here. I’ll be back in a bit.” You grab your keys and walk out the door.

-

You finally made your way back home after being stuck in traffic for a good thirty minutes just for some cereal. Damn that Jeon kid for forgetting one measly thing.

You were starving since you hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and you were too lazy to cook anything so why not just have some cereal? You walk to the kitchen to pull out a bowl, opening the box of Frosted Flakes and filling it up to the brim. You walk over to the fridge to grab the milk, opening the door. You were met with nothing but water bottles on the top shelf and some groceries at the bottom. Confused, you looked all over the sides and in the drawers. There was a whole carton before you left and now it disappeared!

Then it clicked in your head. Your eyebrows crinkled and you let out a heavy sigh, closing the fridge. “JUNGKOOK!”

That damn kid always brings the carton of milk into his room, sometimes drinking it straight out of the container. You hated sharing food with him for this very reason, and you should really get him to stop drinking that shit because he’s getting way too big for his own good.

You waited for a good minute just to give him mercy, but by now he should have answered you, walking out of his room with a yeah, yeah as he brings the carton back out.

But there was complete silence.

You groan, walking down the hall to where your bedrooms were. He better have a good ass explanation for why he hasn’t answered you by now. You twist the knob and roughly push the door open. “Where’s the fucking milk Jungkook?!”

You pause at the door, making eye contact with a seemingly alarmed Jungkook. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed faced away from you, shirtless again, head turned with his eyes wide and his mouth slightly ajar. He looks like a deer in the headlights, his hand clutching onto the sheets crumpled beside him.

“You’re just sitting there doing nothing but didn’t bother answering me?” You thought it was a little weird, but quickly brushed it off.

“Um—well, I—“ Before he can give you an explanation, your eyes catch the item you were looking for at the night stand beside where he was sitting.

“There it is, I fucking knew it!” You strode over to the carton.

“NO! DON’T COME HERE!” He hollers, causing you to stop in your tracks.

“Whoa no need to yell, what’s on your dick?”

“N-NOTHING! Just…go to the store and get more! This is my milk!”

You could have sworn you felt a vein pop out of your temple at his remark. “I just came from the damn store! That’s a brand new carton! And my milk your ass I paid for that!”

You were seriously getting tired of him. When will you finally be able to get away from him? 5 years? 10 years? Are you really going to have to spend the rest of your life with this brat?

You don’t even know why you’re listening to him at the moment. You can do whatever you want, he can’t stop you. You continue to make a beeline to your milk, running past him to grab it and run out. Your feet catches onto his blanket, causing you to trip over and onto the floor in front of him with a loud thump.

You groan on the floor, pushing the sheet off of you and sitting up as you rub your head. You turn your head to look at a mortified Jungkook, completely colorless as he stares back at you in complete fear and embarrassment. Confused, you were about to ask what his problem was but your eyes flicked south.

A mere inches from your face was his dick in his hand, semi hard and just…all out there. What definitely made your jaw drop was that right at the base was a familiar looking object, black with bunny ears sticking out at the top.

You covered your mouth, embarrassed to have caught him in the act but also trying so hard not to laugh in front of his face because you cannot believe he’s actually doing this.

“Y/N, I-I can explain-“

You get up on your feet and grab the milk from the night stand, walking straight to the door avoiding eye contact with him. “No need to Kook, pretty self-explanatory. You have fun with that!”

You just wanted to get out of there as quick as possible before it could get even more awkward, but he calls out to you, making you stop.

“No wait! Don’t go! I-Um…”

“If you think I’m going to sit here and watch you jack off you have another thing coming-“

“NO! It’s not that! Why the fuck would I ask you that? I’m not some sicko.”

“Says the one with a bunny cock ring on his dick-”

“OKAY! You got me there,” He sighs. “But I was just curious! What was so good about this piece of plastic? And then I put it on a-and…”

“And what?” It probably didn’t feel good as he expected it to. Hell, it’s supposed to be the complete opposite.

“Well, it’s kind of…kind of stuck.”

A few seconds of silence pass as you comprehend what he just said, then you burst out laughing. He jumped in his seat, surprised by your reaction but then gives you a glare and a pout. “Why are you laughing?!”

You grab onto your sides, tears coming out of your eyes. You just can’t control yourself. This dumb kid has a sex toy stuck on him and he can’t get it off.

“Y/N!”

“I’m sorry! It’s just so…so hilarious. Wow.” You wipe the tears from your cheeks as the last bits of chuckles come spewing out.

“It’s not funny! It won’t come off…a-and it really hurts.”

You can hear the pain in his voice and for a second you actually felt bad for him. Maybe you shouldn’t have teased him that much.

But then again, he deserves it.

“Well, seems like you got a real problem on your hands. I’ll leave ya to it.” You say as you start walking out the door.

“Y/N WAIT! You have to help me!”

You turn back to face him, your brows knitting in confusion. “And why do I have to do that?”

“Please Y/N, you know I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t mean it.”

You stare at him for a moment, taking in his facial features. You were a couple of feet away from him but from there you could see the tears threatening to fall from his big doe eyes. His bottom lip was caught between his teeth, probably to stop it from quivering in front of you. His broad shoulders visibly shook, and you sigh. He must really be in pain.

“Please, Noona.”

Your eyes widened in surprise, taken aback by his response. He hasn’t called you Noona for years. The last time he called you that was years ago, during a small phase where he was actually really sweet and nice to you. You actually loved that Jungkook back then, but then he went a full 180 on you and went back to being a brat.

You bite your lip, contemplating on what to do. He winces in pain and lets out a long drawn out whimper, which immediately shot to your core. What the fuck?

You don’t know what overcame you but you had the sudden urge to touch him.

What the hell were you thinking?

You just want to help him, that’s all.

You let out a heavy sigh, then placed the milk on the TV stand, proceeding to walk over to him. “Fine, let’s just get this over with. I don’t want your parents to blame me for not watching you and you coming home dickless.”

His eyes light up in admiration for you, excited to finally be free of this dumb torture-like pleasure free device. You stop in front of him, sitting on your knees as you push his legs apart to get a better look.

Surprisingly, Jungkook didn’t have a micro penis like you thought he had all these years. It was actually really, really generous, probably one of the biggest you’ve seen. No wonder this kid had a big ego.

“Alright, let’s see what we got.” As awkward as this was supposed to feel, it didn’t feel as weird as you thought it would. Why did it feel normal to be on your knees in front of Jungkook’s dick? You honestly didn’t want to think about why other than the fact that you’ve known him all your life and being naked in front of each other probably isn’t a big as a deal as you would imagine. You guys used to bathe naked all the time; that counts for something right?

“Wow Kook, you got it lodged pretty good. How the fuck did you get that all the way up there?” You stared at the small device, tightly clenching the base of his shaft.

“I-I thought it was supposed to hurt in the beginning, and then it would feel good later. That’s how sex is for girls, right?”

You snorted. “Does it look like you have a vagina, Jungkook? I mean maybe you will after your dick falls off-“

“Stop!” He whines, pouting at you. “Don’t say that! I would die without my dick.”

“That actually sounds like a good plan, maybe we should leave it then-“ He grabs your hands in his, squeezing them tightly as you were about to sit up again.

“Y/-Noona, please, please help me. I’ll be good to you from now on. I won’t be a brat anymore if you help me. Just…please.”

He softly caresses the back of your hand, looking at you again like a lost puppy.

Was Jungkook really being obedient right now? He seems like he would do anything for you, listened to anything you said. He seemed so…submissive.

You unintentionally licked your lips, but immediately came back to your senses. It was really getting hot in here and your hands were starting to sweat.

You ripped your hands away from him. “Okay, okay. Jeez.” You played it off like you weren’t phased by what he said and his sudden new name for you. You just needed to get this shit off of him and then you could finally eat. Starving yourself is definitely not good for your head.

You take in a deep breath, then reach for him. You didn’t want to bother addressing the elephant in the room, the surprisingly pretty big elephant in the room, because you didn’t want to make this even more awkward as it is. Asking if you could touch his dick would probably make this situation even worse, so you’re just gonna do what you need to do.

You grasp onto the base of his shaft where the toy is, tugging it forward in attempts to take it off.

“OW!” Jungkook yelps, grabbing your wrist. “You’re hurting me!”

“I barely even touched you brat, suck it up.” You whip your hand away from him, bringing it back to the toy.

He really got himself into a real mess here. There’s barely any space between the toy and his dick. Did he really think this wasn’t going to happen?

You attempt to pull at it again while your hand rested on his abdomen. You didn’t expect Jungkook’s abs to be so defined and rock solid under your fingertips, but you quickly brushed the thought away while you focused on the situation at hand.

When you pulled, the toy stayed put and your hand ended up grasping through the rest of his length to the tip, leaving you empty handed. You cupped the toy again, firmly pressing against his stomach while you pulled again, only to bring your hand against him again without the toy. You hear him whimper under your touch but again you don’t let it get to you, thinking he’s just being a little wuss about the pain again. After another attempt of tugging it off and your hand unintentionally grasping his length, you accidentally squeeze the end of his tip, feeling the warmth on your fingertips.

All of a sudden Jungkook lurches forward, putting a hand on your shoulder and squeezing tightly. His face is a few inches away from yours, his heavy pants tickling your face.

“Noona,” He chokes out.

You look up at him to see his adam’s apple bob, licking his partly chapped lips as he lets out open mouthed pants while his other hand clutches the bed sheet. You could see him breaking a sweat down his temple, looking so fucking hot for some strange reason but then something breaks your thoughts.

You feel a pulse under your touch, and you realize you’re still grasping his tip. You look down to see his dick erect, the tip partly red as you slowly feel the palm of your hand get wet. You slowly open your hand to see pre-cum leaking from his tip, some smeared along your hand.

You instantly get red, looking back up at Jungkook with the best glare you could muster up at the moment when in reality you’re freaking out and heating up inside. “What the fuck Jungkook!?”

You were about to stand up to leave when he grabs you again. “I-I’m sorry! I can’t help it!”

“You’re gross!” You try to rip your hand away, but he keeps a firm grip.

“Y/N I’m sorry! Your hand just feels really, really soft…please, just help me get it off!” He pleads. “I’ll do anything Y/N. I promise!”

You look back at your hand covered in Jungkook’s residue, groaning at the sticky substance. You hate to admit that you loved the fact he got like that because of your hands, because of you touching him. You grab the blanket off the floor and wipe your hand, not wanting to think about it. You gulp once you face him again, his cock looking bigger than before and a bit more constricted against the toy.

You press your fingertips against the toy, attempting to twist it off of him. He whimpers, eyes shut tight as you can’t help but notice his stomach clench against your touch again.

“Noona, please...” He says again in what was like a husky whisper, sounding like he’s begging for you. The high pitched whine that came after striked right at your core, causing you to bite your lip. Your stomach was doing somersaults as you tried so heavily to focus on getting this damn toy off of him, but he was making this so, so hard. No pun intended.

You tried whatever you could, pushing it upwards and to the side and downwards, but none of it seemed to be working.

“I think we need to get some oil or something and maybe it’ll slip off,” You thought. “I’ll go get some in the kitchen.”

“You won’t find any,” He said hesitantly.

“What do you mean? I thought you just bought some?”

“I…was that on the list too?” He looks at your warily, biting his bottom lips as he slowly cowers away.

Your eyes turned to slits as your brows crinkled in distress again, letting out a long, slow sigh. “Well, I can’t think of anything else.”

“Why don’t you spit on it?” Your eyes bugged out while you looked at him like crazy woman. What did he just say?

“What?” You say, looking at him incredulously.

“Well, water isn’t going to work. We don’t have anything else and that’s all I could think of.”

“Do it yourself!” You yell, red as a tomato at what he just actually asked for you to do.

“I can’t! My hands are too big! Your hands are perfect and it’s easier if someone else does it. I’ll just hurt myself. Please, just do it it’ll work!” He pouts at you again, biting his bottom lip as he shifts uncomfortably on the bed. “You’re so gentle Noona. Help me,” He begs.

You know his words weren’t supposed to sound dirty in any way, but god why do you keep thinking like that?

Your empty stomach was messing with your head. Not only was your head throbbing, but you can’t ignore the ache between your legs either. You thought of just telling him to fuck off and leave him there to figure it out himself, but he speaks up again.

“It really hurts…I’m begging you Y/N,” He whimpers, whispering your name with a groan at the end. You notice his uneven breaths as his stomach vibrates, his veins protruding along his arms as he still clenches the sheets, the other hand holding onto his hard cock. He grasps himself, letting out a high pitched whine as he grits his teeth, seeing his eyes water yet again from his action.

You gulp at the sight of him before you, so helpless and vulnerable that causes your core throb even more.

You press your thighs together to ease the tension. You don’t know why such a helpless Jungkook was turning you on uncontrollably, and you’d love to see how much more he could beg and sob under your touch if he’d allow you to.

You shake your head, pulling yourself out of your crazy thoughts. This is getting really bad and you knew you had to get away from him quick. You needed this to be over as soon as possible.

“Fuck, okay! But we’re never fucking talking about this again. This never happened,” You say as you kneel in front of him again. You bring a hand to your face, spitting into it and smearing it along your palm. You cup the base of his shaft and glide your palm around the skin near the toy, trying to lubricate it as much as you can.

“It’s not enough Y/N, just spit directly on it,” He groans. You were going to yell at him for telling you what to do, but spared him once you saw his flushed and pained expression. You silently obeyed, sitting up so your face hovered over his dick. You collected enough saliva in your mouth and spit on the skin below the toy, letting the liquid slip down and over his cock. You bring your fingertips to massage the area, spreading your fluid as much as you can over him. Once you think it’s enough, you try pulling the toy again but it still didn’t budge.

“I-I think you still need to add more,” He pants.

“You think I got gallons worth Jungkook? That I’m a human sprinkler?” You spew.

“Well how about you just use your mouth?” He said nonchalantly.

You gaped at him, about to tell him off but then he cuts you off. “It would be easier! You wouldn’t have to keep spitting and have it dry up. You can get it all over and then it would pop right off!”

Your patience was really wearing thin with this kid. But then he grabs you by shoulders, pressing his sweaty forehead against yours.

“You’re my only hope Noona. You can only help me with this. I’ll do whatever you want after I promise.”

  “I swear I’ll be a good boy.”

  Good boy?

  Hearing that made the last strings of your sanity cut loose.

 Fuck it.

 You push him away by his chest abruptly, making him almost fall back on the bed. He caught himself before he could fall, hands flat against the bed. Before he could ask you what your problem was, you flatten your tongue along the base of his shaft.

“Y/N!” He moans aloud, bucking his hips up and into your face. You glide your tongue along his vein, swirling your tongue against his tip. You press an open mouthed kiss, then wrap the tip around the lips as you suck lightly.

“Oh fuck! Noona,” He rasps, trying so hard not to lose control and grab your hair to push you further into him. His moans egg you on and you tease his slit, earning another strangled moan of your name from him. Then you bring your mouth down onto his cock, taking him inch by inch.

You try your best to use your tongue, trying to wet every inch of his throbbing cock until you finally reach the base where the toy was. You hear him panting like he just ran a marathon above you, groaning as he watches your pretty lips around his thick member.

“Your mouth is so warm, it feels so good,” He groans, licking his lips before he gulps as he watches you intently. You stop your movements and look up to him, making direct eye contact. He looks at you in confusion, seeing the subtle glint in your eyes. Before he could say anything you swallow hard, causing him to thrash his head back and fist your hair.

“Fucking shit!” He moans, bucking his hips upward into you, causing the tip to hit the back of his throat. It hurt of course, but seeing the way he reacts to your ministrations was definitely worth it.

You pull your mouth off of him just until the tip, then bring him all into your mouth once again, sucking harshly.

“Holy fuck Y/N,” he moans, grasping the back of your head as you bob up and down his length.

“Keep fucking doing that.” You scratch his thighs, telling him that you’re the one in control instead of him before grazing your teeth slightly against his length. He whines in response, slightly nudging your hair back to stop you.

“Y-Y/N please…I’m sorry, just please keep going.” You release him with a pop, wiping the saliva from your chin as you look at him with a glare.

“Why are you telling me what to do? I thought you said you’d be a good boy?” You say as you slightly dig your nails into his massive thighs once again. “Or should I stop?”

“No! No please! Don’t stop I’ll be good I promise!” He whimpers at you, bringing his hand to your cheek to slowly caress your face.

“I’ll be good Noona.” You pretend to contemplate on your answer when you definitely weren’t going to leave him like this now, but you seem to think he’s had enough when you see his arm shake and his lips quiver.

“You better be.” You bring your mouth back to him, sinking your mouth down his hardened length as you take all of him again. You didn’t really think of Jungkook as the vocal type, but hearing him shamelessly moan and whimper your name aloud to the point the next door neighbors could hear heightened your ego tenfold.

You release him, bringing your hand up and down his shaft. You lift his dick so it’s against his stomach, about to run your tongue against him once again when you noticed something odd. A very thin line was visible on the cock ring, located on the bottom side of his dick. You bring your face closer to the line, looking at it curiously. Very small and slightly faint read the letters OPEN right above the line, in bold lettering.

Aha! You thought. Finally. Before you could bring your hand to the little slit, Jungkook calls out to you.

“Why did you stop? I’m being good Noona. Please, keep going.” He cries, and you swear it’s a tear that slips from his eyes and down his cheek than his sweat.

You lick your lips, looking back down at the toy then back at his cock.

He deserves this for being a brat all these years.

You look back up at him, giving him a sweet smile which felt seemingly odd to him. You never smiled like that at him. “Okay, since you’re being so good for me Kook,” You say sweetly.

“Why are you- fuck!” Jungkook groans when you take him all in one go, his tip hitting the back of your throat. You slightly gag, your mouth so full from his thick length but you push through it. You wanted to see this boy suffer.

You continue to go all out, hollowing your cheeks and deep throating him in the best ways possible, drowning in all his whines and cries of your name and how you were so fucking good.

“N-Noona, fuck, I think I’m gonna-“ You smile at his words.

Any second now.

At one particularly harsh suck he grabs your head, sinking you further down his cock as your mouth hits the toy. He moans at first but quickly cries in agony, fisting your hair harshly as you try to focus relaxing your throat.

“What…What the fuck…?” He whimpers, eyes squinting closed as he groans.

You release him with a pop, looking up at him with innocent eyes. “What’s wrong Kook?”

“I-There’s something wrong,” He says, grabbing his dick and wincing.

“Does it still hurt Jungkook? You want Noona to make you feel good?” You pull his hand away from him, grasping his length once again and pumping up and down slowly. He cries again, grabbing your wrist to stop your movements. “It fucking hurts Noona. What’s happening?” He sounded so lost, so helpless.

You never thought yourself to be a sadist but fuck, you loved it.

“Shh, Kookie,” You slowly rise to your feet, standing between his legs as you grab onto his shoulder. You bring a finger to his chin, lifting his head so he can look up to you. “Let Noona help you. I’ll make you feel real good.” With that, you pushed him harshly on the chest, causing him to fall back into the sheets. You quickly shimmy out of your shorts leaving you in your black lacy underwear, then turn back to him.

You lick your lips, staring at him sprawled on his bed looking so fucked out, completely naked. You climb up over him, bringing one leg over to straddle his waist.

“Y/N, what are you-“ You muffled him with a kiss, soft and sweet at first but slowly getting rougher to the touch as seconds go by. He moans when you bite his bottom lip, allowing you to delve your tongue into his hot cavern. His hands quickly find purchase on the soft flesh of your hips, holding you tightly. You suck on the tip of his tongue, earning you a groan.

You bring your mouth to his ear, nibbling his lobe before you whisper, “Just relax, Kook. And let Noona do all the work.”

You rise above him, your hands running along his arms as you meet his hands on your hips. You bring your hands to the hem of your shirt, quickly lifting it off of you and exposing your matching black lace bra.

“God damn,” he choked, eyes as wide as saucers as his mouth gaped at your beautiful figure. You chuckle at his response, then bring your hand down to your underwear. You rubbed yourself through the fabric, lightly moaning as you feel your juices seep through. You were definitely ready for him already. You use two fingers to hook your underwear, pushing it to the side while using your other hand to grab his dick.

He groans, watching your movements as you align yourself with his dick.

“Y/N, are you sure you- ahh!” His nails dig into your hips as you slowly sink onto him, your mouth slightly ajar as he fills you up perfectly.

His length and girth is the perfect size for you, filling you up to the brim as you settle perfectly onto his cock. You moan once your ass meets his thighs, sitting still as you adjust to the new found fullness.

Then, you move. You bring yourself off of him until just the tip is left, then sit back down with a slap. You moan at the sensation, but Jungkook is crying from your action.

“Holy f-fuck! Fuckkk,” He whimpers, chest heaving as you bring yourself up only to come down with another harsh slap. You continue these movements until you set a steady pace, bouncing on his length.

“Y/N! Oh my god, fuck, fuck Noona,” He writhes below you, looking like he’s about to lose his mind as he twists his head back and forth with his eyes tightly shut.

“You feel so fucking good, god, keep going please,” He whines, continuously licking his lips as his mouth constantly lets out a string of profanities and whimpers.

“Am I making you f-feel good, Kook? Ah, fuck,” You groan, speeding up your pace as the room fills with constant slap, slap, slaps.

“Yes yes yes, fuck yes, you’re so fucking good, I’m losing my mind,” He chokes, bringing one hand to squeeze your ass while the other tightly grasps onto your upper thigh. You continue going hard against him, him hitting you so deep and in just the right spots. Every time you drop down you feel something hitting against your flesh, then you look down.

You forgot the cock ring was still stuck on him, then realize it was the bunny ears. Memories of your friend saying how good the vibrator was rushed into your head, then you bring one of your hands to the toy. You press the switch on the toy, the low buzz sounds filling the room along with Jungkook’s whines. Once you sink down onto him again the product lands right on your clit, vibrating at an inhumane speed which causes your eyes to roll back.

“Oh my fucking god!” You scream, pausing your movements as you let the vibrator run against your bundle of nerves. You’ve never felt anything like it before.

You attempt to squeeze your thighs together, slowly rotating your hips instead as you let the vibrations of the toy work its magic against you. You moan aloud again, throwing your head back as the feeling of Jungkook’s cock so deep inside you along with the toys ministrations make your mind go hazy. All of a sudden you feel Jungkook’s hips lurch forward, pounding into you from below as he holds you by the hips to keep you still.

“Jungkook!” You scream, scratching his chest with his hands as he takes over.

“Y-You’re getting tighter on me, fuck, you feel so fucking good,” He moans, filling you to the brim each time as the toy continues to rub against your clit.

You can’t contain your voice now, moaning nonstop as Jungkook keeps ramming into you, the toy helping you reach your high quicker than you ever thought possible. After a few more strokes you come undone, moaning loudly as you tightly clench Jungkook’s dick. He lets out a deep groan, continuously thrusting into you as you ride out your high.

“Y/N, Y/N, fuck fuck fuck, I’m gonna-“ Jungkook grabs onto your ass tightly, letting out a strangled moan. You watch as his head falls back into the bed, his stomach clenching tightly as he releases a choked sob. You felt his cock throb from within you, but no release. The side of your mouth twitches upward, but when you see his eyes fill with tears once again, him crying aloud, you finally actually start feeling bad.

You lift your hips, letting his hard cock slip out of you as you roll over beside him. You take a few seconds to catch your breath. You’re about to sit up to take the cock ring off of him but all of a sudden he rolls over to hover above you, spreading your legs open and pushing your panties to the side.

“Hey, what-“ He grabs his cock and roughly shoves himself into you again, causing you to throw your head back with a moan. He has his hands on either side of your head, then brings his mouth to your ears.

“You’re so fucking tight Noona, you feel so warm.” He grabs your hips as he starts pummeling into you, making your eyes roll back.

“You’re fucking hot as hell, you moaning my name and coming all over my cock,” He grunts, “You don’t know how many times I’ve came imagining what just happened. But why can’t I fucking come now?”

“J-Jungkook, stop,” You moan, trying to get him to stop so you can take the ring off of him. But he doesn’t let up, too focused on trying to reach his release as he fucks you harder, grunting and growling as he picks up his pace. The toy continues to buzz, occasionally rolling over your nub if Jungkook angles it the right way, causing you to yell out. He spreads your legs further, tossing one of your legs over his shoulder to reach into you deeper.

“That picture of you bouncing on my dick, fucking me, using me to make you feel good, I never imagined how fucking sexy you’d actually look. And the way you moan my name, fuck I’ll come just from thinking about that next time I touch myself,” He groans, reaching behind you to rip off your bra. His mouth latches onto your nipple, sucking your breast as you grab his head to bring him closer. He laps your nub, licking up the valley of your breasts and brings his lips to yours.

You moan into his mouth, allowing him to ravage you some more. He brings both of your legs around his waist and you cross them, shoving himself into you faster. At this angle the toy is hitting directly on your clit each time he pounds into you, making you scream out his name as you clutch the bedsheets beside you.

“Jungkook!” You moan his name like a mantra, your release getting closer and closer. He continues kissing you, and after a few more deep strokes you come all over him again, squeezing him so hard he yells your name aloud, his cock throbbing uncontrollably as you clench tightly around him. His hands are holding your hips so tightly you know there’s going to be bruises in the morning, but you don’t care. You move your hips against him as you embrace the waves of pleasure, panting as you finally go limp. You’re about to slowly doze off from being so tired, wiping the sweat along your temple when you hear another choked sob. Jungkook pulls out of you, his dick still hard and swelled. The tip looks painfully red, the rest of his shaft looking constricted as he whimpers again.

“I-I fucking can’t,” He cries, his cheeks red and wet with tears of frustration as he looks at you with pleading eyes.

“Oh Kook,” You bite your lip. Maybe you really went too far.

You crawl over to him on his knees, carefully touching his length. He winces at your touch, whimpering as you lift it up. You press the button to turn off the vibrations, then use your fingernail to dig into the slit of the toy, pulling it forward as it pops open. He groans in relief as you slowly drag the toy off of him, tossing it to the side.

“And that’s what you get for being a brat all these years.” You say as you plop onto his bed, grabbing the sheets to cover yourself.

“What?” He looks at you confused, then his eyes widen.

“Wait…you fucking knew?”

You chuckle, “Of course, who doesn’t fucking know what a cock ring does? It stops you from coming, Kook.” You shuffle onto your side, getting ready to fall asleep.

“So you fucked with me this whole time?” He said in a low tone, venom laced in his voice.

“Fucked and fucked,” You said. “You’ve always fucked with me all these years. I was just making it even. Also we’re not telling anyone about this, okay?” You pointed back and forth from yourself to him, then plopped back onto the pillow.

Silence filled the room and you accepted it with open arms. You were just completely exhausted at this point, not having really expected such a good fuck from Jungkook. But hey, he made you feel good and you got your revenge, so it all works out. You were slowly slipping off into dreamland but all of a sudden the sheets are ripped off of you. Your legs were pulled downward, dragging your head off the pillow.

“What the fuck-“ Jungkook grabs your waist and flips you over onto your stomach, pushing your head down into the mattress while your ass is raised in the air. You attempt to turn around to ask him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing, but you cry as a hard slap echos in the room.

He smooths his rough palm against your right cheek where he spanked you, then brings his hand once again over the spot making you choke.

“You think this is a fucking joke? Making me lose my fucking mind, not letting me come three times?”

“Let go brat-“

Slap.

“The girl of my fucking dreams comes in here and sucks me off, fucks me twice, yet I couldn’t even fucking enjoy it cause I was in so much pain? You know how fucking horrible that is?” He grabs your underwear, tearing it in half as he lets it fall on the bedspread.

“Jungkook-ahh!” You moan once he brings his hand to your core, running his fingers along your slit.

“You call me a brat all the time, yell at me, yet I do everything for you,” He says as he lets a finger slip in, pumping into you as your wet juices fall down your thighs. “But you didn’t even let me come once.”

“Jungkook I can’t, not anymore,” You whimper, fisting the sheets as he plunges a second finger into you.

“Oh you can’t? But you came so many times Noona. Fuck, I even called you Noona cause I knew you secretly loved that,” He grunts. “I hate saying that. But I did it for you, to make you feel good Y/N.”

“Please,” You beg, trying to move away from his touch. But he doesn’t let up, continuing to touch you.

“I think you can go again. You never do anything for me, so you can do this. I haven’t even come yet,” He drags his fingers out of you, then leans forward so his dick sat against your cheeks and his chest leaned against your back. He brings his fingers to your lips, prodding them at your entrance. “Suck.”

You complied, opening your mouth as you lapped up your juices on him. You hear him groan behind you, slowly rubbing his length against your ass.

“God, you’re so fucking hot.” He leans back, pumping himself a few times before he aligns his tip at your entrance. You were going to attempt to stop him again but he pounds right into you, causing your face to fall flat onto the sheets.

He immediately starts off rough and fast, holding you by the hips as he drags you to him, fucking you onto him. You mewl, so sensitive from the last two rounds that you didn’t have the strength to do anything.

“Fuck, you’re still so fucking tight,” He groans, “God, I imagined fucking you so many times before, but I never thought it’d feel this good.”

“Jungkook…” You moan, slowly feeling the coiling in your stomach return.

“All these years Y/N, having to deal with seeing you in those short shorts, those low tops, fuck, you were such a fucking tease,” His thighs slap harder against your ass.

“Did I ever tell you I walked in on you changing once? I fucking ran to my room and jacked off that entire night to that image.” You moaned in response, thinking about the thought of Jungkook touching himself, pumping his shaft hard and fast as he thought of you, moaning your name as he came. And he was only a couple of feet away from you in the other room.

“But I never did anything about it, because you always treated me as the little brat next door,” He growled, flipping you over so you were on your back, then pushing himself right back in.

“Tell me Y/N, do you still think of me as a kid?” He grabbed one of your breasts, kneading it as he sucked on the other. “Would some brat make you feel this fucking good?”

You moaned in response, grabbing his hair as you tried to pull him closer to you. He sucked harder, pinching your nub between his fingers as he continued thrusting you at a harsh pace. He let you go, rising up to adjust you again, hooking his arms around your thighs as he fucked you into his mattress.

“Fuck, Jungkook! Oh my fucking god,” You moan aloud, slightly arching your back as he drilled into you, making your body slowly inch upward and closer to the bedframe. The hinges squeaked uncontrollably, the bed frame hitting against the wall each time he thrusted into you.

The angle was causing you to see stars, his length hitting you in your deepest and most pleasurable spot.

“Fuck, I think I’m gonna-“

He immediately stops his movements, causing you to groan at the loss of your blissful release.

“Why the fuck did you stop!?” You yell, tears of frustration clouding your vision.

He smirks at you in return, leaning forward until his face is a mere inches from yours.

“I don’t think you deserve it. Why should I let you come again?” You try to move in response, but he still has his arms around your legs, keeping you in place.

“Please,” You beg, wanting nothing more than to just drown in euphoric feeling of letting go against him.

“How are you gonna make me?”

“I’ll do anything! I won’t call you brat anymore! Just please, let me come,” You whimper, bringing your hands to cup his face.

“Hmm…” He contemplates for a little while, then you whine another please before he chuckles.

“You’ll do anything?”

“Anything.”

“Will you be my girlfriend after this?”

Your eyes widen and your jaw drops, not expecting that request at all. You thought he’d want you to suck his dick again, which you wouldn’t mind. But girlfriend?

He grabs your hand into his, then slowly caresses his face into your touch. He turns his face to kiss the inside of your palm, then each of your fingertips.

“I���ve loved you since I was 7. You’re the only girl for me, and we’re practically going to be together for the rest of our lives cause of our parents. My parents don’t want me to be with anyone else either, so we already have their blessing.” He smiles at your speechless face, then brings himself forward to give you a kiss on the nose.

Butterflies fill your stomach, and you feel like you can’t breathe for a moment. This brat has been with you for so long you never realized you actually loved him too, and you wouldn’t know what you would do without him.

“So do I take that as a yes?” He says, peppering sweet kissing along your jawline.

You bite your lips, but slowly your mouth curves into a smile. “You’re such a greaseball.”

He chuckles, bringing his lips to yours. You wrap your arms around his neck, melting into his kiss.

“Okay not to ruin the moment but I’m kind of fucking dying here and I feel like my dick is going to fall off,” He groans, feeling him still hard within you.

You giggle, giving him one last kiss on the lips before moving away from him. “Where do you want to come?”

“Fuck,” He grunts, licking his lips as he contemplates.

“I want to come inside you.” You nod at his response, “That’s fine, I’m on the pill. And how do you want me?”

“On top.” You nod again, smiling at him as you lift yourself up, changing positions with him. He falls back on the sheets and groans while he watches you straddle him, lining his cock with your soaking entrance. Once again you sink onto him, allowing him to fill you up to the brim. Both of you sigh in content, him kneading your breasts and you holding onto his chest.

You quickly start bouncing on him, wanting him to have his relief as quickly as possible. He groans as your ass slaps against his thighs harshly every time you come down, eyes closed shut as his mouth hangs open. You clench against him, trying to milk him out for his release, and he moans your name louder. You feeling the throbbing occur and you know he’s close. You were so focused on trying to get him off that you didn’t realize Jungkook reached for the toy again, turning the power on as the slight buzzing filled the room. Your eyes pop open and you cry aloud once he presses the vibrator part of the cock ring against your clit, making you writhe above him.

“Oh fuck! Fuck, Jungkook, fuck,” You mewl, moving faster against him as he keeps the toy against your bundle of nerves.

“Come on Y/N, come for me babe. Come all over my cock,” He grunts, and after a few more seconds of the toy against you you let go, lurching forward as you throw your head against Jungkook’s chest, crying his name aloud. He grabs onto your hips and plants his feet flat on the bed, fucking you through your high, and after another half dozen strokes he chokes your name out, coming inside of you in long, hot spurts. Jungkook’s warmth felt nice inside you, and you continued moving as best you could until he finished, groaning as he slowly went limp inside of you.

Both of you were panting and you could feel his rapid heartbeat slow against your cheek. He brings a hand to brush through your hair, bringing a blanket to cover the both of you before wrapping an arm around your waist.

“I love you Y/N,” He said, kissing your temple.

“And I love sex toys now even though it hurt like a bitch, but at least it brought us together.” You slap his chest, causing him to let out a chuckle. “We should give it a 5 star review. The toy sucked ass for me but it also brought me this beautiful ass,” He said as he squeezed one of your cheeks. “Pretty great if you ask me.”

“You’re still dumb and a brat,” You said as you rested your chin on his firm chest, staring up at him. You leaned forward to kiss his bottom lip, right where his mole was that you always secretly adored.  

“But honestly, I love you too.”

[katsidhe]

If you wouldn't mind me asking, what are 7+ random headcanons you have about Sam? (Like he always lets his batteries drain to 0%, can't stand the scent of something, etc.)

Hmm good one! Not sure how imaginative these headcanons are, because I like canon analysis so much, but I’ve done my best. Some are happy, some are sad, some just are.

Sam is a Linux user. His browser is Tor. He religiously uses VPNs. After the near misses in season 7, he became fairly savvy about protecting their electronic secrecy. He’s not exactly a big time coder, but he’s fluent enough to have several programs that scrape major search engines and various news databases for particular key terms, etc. Charlie helped him out with several of these.

Sam hates wireless headphones. He can never find ones that stick in his ears properly without falling out, and he hates the inconvenience of keeping them charged. He is also bitter that the iPod shuffle was discontinued—he loved the convenience of the tiny clip thing when he was out running and was very sad when it got smashed. (Winchester phone/electronic device lifetime is... short).

Sam follows multiple obscure hobbyist forums online. He’s made accounts in several, but has only very rarely posted. (He’s also got a Wikipedia account he’s never posted with.) Some of these forum topics are explicitly work-related, like folklore and spellcraft; others, like lock picking and true crime, are borderline. Some aren’t at all, like woodworking and historical restoration.

Sam drinks so much coffee that he’s barely sure what way he prefers it anymore. It’s so much of a staple that he doesn’t mind if it’s black, latte, flavored, whatever. He doesn’t like too much sugar, though, as it gives him a headache. And he truly cannot stand the taste of artificial sweeteners.

Sam has to work pretty diligently not to mix up his memories, given how messed up his personal timeline is. He’s grateful that he’s kept decent case records that he can reference when he’s really unsure, but those are purely factual and contain none of his subjective impressions, so it’s hard for him to remember exactly how he felt. For childhood stuff, he’ll look through John’s journal to try to see if an event he remembers actually happened, or, more rarely, ask Dean. Sometimes, on impulse, he even has the insane wish that he could ask Lucifer if he’s remembering something real or imaginary. Usually he tries to focus on the here and now; that’s what’s important.

Sam would like gardening, if he ever found the time and space. He grows a couple herbs commonly used fresh for spellwork, in pots outside the bunker.

Sam committed suicide at least once early in season five. He told himself it was out of pragmatism. Sam believed Lucifer when he said he’d bring him back, but he figured it would have been foolish not to try at all.

Sam actually enjoys relatively infrequent casual sex tbh. The physicality of it grounds him. The main reason he doesn’t do it more often is his paranoia about potential emotional intimacy, and because he doesn’t particularly want Dean to tease or nag him.

Sam is not vegetarian, but he hates the smell of cooking meat enough that he commonly avoids it (especially the more rank varieties). It’s a health thing too, but honestly the smell is a more urgent factor.

Sam has a regimented exercise plan that he keeps to religiously—prefers cardio to weights, especially running in the morning. He sometimes bugs Dean to join him, but Dean really does not enjoy running for its own sake. Sam’s exercise habits have flirted with self-harm and over-asceticism, but they are usually a relatively healthy grounding tool.

[spartanxhunterx]

Bug And Shell(d): The Bubbler.

Normally Nino was excited for birthdays, between him, Kim and Marinette they were often a blast or at least memorable.

Today, however, was Adrien's birthday and Nino was a little afraid on how to proceed, just slightly really.

He'd only known Adrien for all of a few weeks and he felt like he didn't know much about his new bro-friend.

So he had decided to pick out a gift based on a little something that he did know about him. That was wrapped up in the box.

For now though, Nino's attention was drawn to the other item that had arrived with it. All very last minute but he didn't care. Opening the packaging he pulled out his brand new wireless headphones, gone was the plain orange and black colour scheme.

His new ones were custom designed with the outside of each ear piece looking like Carapace's shield, the inside was a dark green much like the darker shade on his costume and the head band came with a soft plush cushion of the same colour.

Overall, not bad and he could always claim it was his way in supporting the heroes, even if he looked a little biased towards his own alter-ego.

As long as their wasn't any harm, then there would be no foul.

 "I'm not as caught up with technology as I probably should be." Wayzz stated as he flew around the headphones, inspecting them. "But I'd imagine these won't last forever, power wise at least."

 " No they won't, " Nino picked up the headphones before pointing to a small cover, opening it to reveal the ports for wires. "That's why these are here, so I can re-charge it and not worry about power."

 he placed them on his neck, feeling a little tension fall out of him at feeling the weight on his neck. He'd gotten slightly stir crazy without his last pair, which he had broken helping that old gentleman, he had almost been tempted to break out the old-old headphones that he kept locked away.

 "That's better, come on dude." He opened up his jacket and waited for Wayzz to fly into the inner pocket. Picking up the wrapped present he tucked it under his arm before he left his room, messing up Chris' hair as he walked past him he called his goodbye as he shut the door.

-

 "Here you go dude." Nino placed the slightly haphazardly wrapped present in front of Adrien before he swung around the table to sit in his seat. "Happy birthday dude."

 " Oh, " seeing that look of genuine surprise on Adrien's face made this worth it, seeing the real excitement as his hands rested on top of the box before he turned to him. "Thanks Nino, you didn't have to do this you know."

 " I know. " Nino leaned back slightly. "I wanted to, you're my buddy after all."

 He leaned forwards, arm leaning against table. "Besides what friend would I be if I didn't celebrate my buddies birthday?" Holding up a hand to cut off Adrien's protesting he pointed to the gift. " Now are you going to sit there all day? Or open your present? We gotta get it done before miss Bustier gets in here. "

Nino watched as Adrien gave in, fingers carefully peeling back the paper as he tried so, so hard to not tear the paper.

Nino was patient though and let Adrien open it in his own time. By the time he was done the standard red paper was half torn off, half preserved and left all over their desk. Not that he minded though.

He saw Adrien peer into the clear plastic, seeing the Ladybug themed wireless headphones that were the same model as his.

It felt a little cheap or unoriginal but when the headphones came with a '50% for a second pair' deal he couldn't not capitalise on that. Besides, now he could also make the argument that they symbolized their friendship as they both had a single set of the pair.

 "100% accurate, Ladybug themed headphones dude. How's that for a B-Day present?"

 "Its... Wow, thanks Nino, I don't know what to say."

Slinging his arm over his shoulder he pulled Adrien into a side hug. "Its cool dude, Don't need to say anything," He smiled at him, getting one in return. "Say, why don't I throw you a party?"

That made Adrien's face drop slightly and Nino's own smile dropped as well.

"I don't know Nino... My father... I don't think he'd allow it."

Nino was about to respond, however, Both Marinette and Miss Bustier had entered the room. Marinette handed a wrapped gift to Adrien as she past him. "Happy birthday Adrien."

" Thanks Marinette. "

Before Bustier could get on their cases about the mess Nino scooped up the torn paper before depositing that into the trash bin as Adrien slipped the gifts into his bag.

 "Alright class, hope you've settled down now. Cause its time we get started."

-

 " Come on man, it's your B-day, Insists. " putting away his tube of bubble mix Nino wrapped his arm around Adrien's shoulder, leaning himself closer to him. "You know what? I'm gonna have a conversation with your pops."

 "Don't waste your time, he's not going to change his mind." Nino shook his head. His best bud wasn't going to go without a birthday party, not if he could help it.

 "Adrien, dude, I promise you, I will get your father to let you have a birthday party. I promise."

 Adrien turned to him, about to respond but was interrupted by Chloé, who had come running from behind them and latched onto him in a sort of awkward hug.

"Adrikins! Happy birthday!" She pulled back and Nino caught onto the genuine smile she seemed to give him. Perhaps Nino was imagining things but he was sure Chloé had been smiling more ever since Adrien had started going to school. It was subtle, but he could see it.

Perhaps her friendship with Adrien meant more to her then people realised.

 "Anyway. I ordered something special for you for your birthday, it should be there by this afternoon... Provided the moving guys aren't lazy or anything."

 " Thanks Chloé, I'm sure I'll enjoy it. " A cars horn went off several times and the trio turned towards Adrien's limo as it pulled up. "Anyway, I gotta go, Photo shoot."

Nino's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "On your birthday? Not cool dude."

The two of them watched as he walked to the car and Nino adjusted his hat so it wasn't loose. "Looks like I've got some business to take care of with Adrien's old man."

"You. Speak with Gabriel? Don't make me laugh Lahiffe, Gabriel would never waste his time with you."

He shrugged at the blonde girl, a small smile etching onto his face. "So? I thought you of all people would have been thrilled that someone was trying to give Adrien a B-Day party. "

 "I'm just saying it how it is." Chloé spoke as she examined her nails. "Uncle Gabe is very stubborn and set in his ways. So don't come crying to me when you can't do anything."

 "I'll keep that in mind... Cosplay."

 " Hey! "

-

Standing in front of Adrien's house made Nino feel slightly inadequate and nervous. Here he was, outside his buddy's house that looked big enough to house his family, cousins and other distant relatives and still have empty space inside.

Given that it was only Adrien, his dad and several staff, he could understand why Adrien was so keen on getting out of the house. It must have been terribly quiet.

Stil, he resolved his nerves and pressed the button on the intercom as Wayzz nestled into the crook between the headphones and the back of his neck for his comfort, yet out of the way of prying eyes.

He was not, however, expecting to have a large camera come out of the wall and nearly smack him in the face.

"Yes? How may I help you? "

Must've been some fancy camera.

 "Uhh... I'm Nino..." He spoke slowly, confusion clear in his voice. "I'm a friend of Adrien's and I was hoping to speak with his father regarding his birthday."

With each passing moment that was silent Nino grew more uncomfortable.

"Please wait, I'll be out there to guide you in a moment. "

within a minute the gates pulled back open and he could see someone walking towards him, he stepped several steps forwards until the two of them met.

"Come with me. Mr. Agreste will see you but only for a moment, he is a busy man."

Ah, this must have been his assistant. Nathalie, if he remembered correctly from when Adrien would take about his home.

The two of them stepped into the front door and Nino's hands shot into his jackets pockets and his hand fiddled with the bottle of bubble mix that was in there. He could feel Wayzz wiggling his way down his top and had to tense to not squirm in front of Nathalie.

Hqer head turned to him with one eyebrow raised but she didn't say anything.

"Nervous. Just a little."

She nodded before peering at her tablet before looking back up at him.

" Mr. Agreste will be here in a moment. "

Great... Just Great. He brought out his tube of bubble mix before unscrewing the cap, his hands fiddled with it as he waited, not spilling a drop.

Even though he knew they could most certainly afford to have to pay someone to clean it up.

Was it him or did the house feel cold?

"Adrien's not home yet." The sharp voice of the man of the house brought his attention to the top of the stairs, his hands freezing in place as he was dragged out of his thoughts.

He suppressed a shiver as he looked Mr. Agreste in the eye, he could feel no warmth coming from those eyes, not like what he saw when he looked in his mother's eyes.

Closing the cap of the tube he swallowed down his fear. "No I know du-Sir. I came to speak with you, actually."

" Me? " There was a shift in his posture that Nino couldn't place and the raise of an eyebrow that made him worry.

"Yes, I came to ask about giving Adrien a party du-Sir, it's his first birthday with some real friends and I think he really deserves to hav-"

" No. " Nino blinked at his cold voice, causing him to stop mid-sentence. "Adrien is my son, and I say what is best for him."

Somehow his eyes grew colder and Nino had to fight to not cringe away. None of the those present in the room noticed as Adrien slipped in behind them.

"Du-Sir. Adrien has been working really hard lately." Slowly Nino extending his fingers as he started his list. "Piano, Photo shoots, fencing, Chinese. I think it's only fair that he gets one day to enjoy himself. "

"Nino?" He turned to his side seeing Adrien next him. " You're here? "

Wrapping his arm around Adrien's shoulders he pulled him closer before before bumping his fist to his shoulder. "Of course, you're my buddy."

" You know what young man? " Looking back up the stairs Nino grew hopeful, maybe he had gotten through to him. "I've just decided that you're a bad influence on my son." Both boys eyes widened at that, Nino's hands tightening around his bubble tube. "In fact, you are no longer welcome in my house ever again, leave."

" Father. " Adrien called out, pulling away from Nino but Gabriel didn't listen as he turned and walked to his study, adjusting his tie as he went.

Nathalie stepped in front of Nino before he could try to follow. "Goodbye."

Eyes darting between between her and Adrien, he took a deep breath in before turning and walking out.

Adrien caught up to him after he was a few steps out and stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder. "Nino, I'm sorry, my father is stubborn... Thanks for trying though. "

"Its not fair Adrien..." Nino struggled to form his words as he gestured to Adrien, as if he could convey his thoughts that way. "Its totally not cool dude. "

Pulling his strap up his shoulder he turned and stalked away, he could feel Wayzz moving up his jacket again and he simply tapped where he was gently.

-

Plopping himself down on the park bench he pulled out his tube of bubble before taking the wand out and blowing a few bubbles out into the air.

"That dude it straight up not cool."

He switched forwards before resting his elbows on his knees. Trying to regulate his breathing and calm himself down, it wouldn't do to stay in a bad mood.

"But dad!" His eyes shot up, landing on the child who was trying, and failing, to break out of his father's grip.

"No Son, it's not playtime, you've got chores to do." He watched as the boy was taken out of the park before blowing a sharp breath out of his nose.

"Why have parents got to ruin everything man?"

Feeling Wayzz moving around again he opened his jacket enough to let him pop his head out. He didn't want to make him feel like he was trapped, not in the way Adrien was.

"You agree with me right little dude?" He turned his head away as he shook it. " I mean, we're kids, we should be allowed to have fun and be ourselves. "

"While I agree, I must say kids need adults, to guide them through life." Nino didn't stop him from floating out of his jacket, just a little in front of him as he started to look around. "But please calm down, being angry won't solve anything."

"Maybe not but I'm just so... Ugh, " he kicked his leg out at the grass, watching as it bounced back into place with ease.

"Please. Master, copy me. Deep breaths, in and out, copy me."

Nino turned to him, missing the pleading expression Wayzz was giving him before he groaned and rubbed his hand down his face. "You don't need to call me that dude, it's not necessary."

Today had been going so great until now and he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault.

He jerked slightly as Wayzz thumped against his temple. " Nino. Akuma. " The words spoken in his ear caused his head to jerk up, eyes widening as they landed on the black butterfly that was making a direct path to him.

"Woah!" He threw himself off the bench, before backing away from the butterfly without letting it out of his sights.

Why was an Akuma after him? He had a miraculous. Didn't they grant him immunity to being akumatised?

He grunted as his foot hit a upsticking root of a tree and he fell flat on his butt. His eyes darted back and forth as he tried to find some way out of this situation, his arms pushed against the ground as he tried to back away.

"Think happy thoughts!" Wayzz fluttered around him, trying to be both encouraging and hidden. "It can't get you if you're happy."

Happy thoughts? What was his most recent happy thought? Seeing Adrien happy this morning? Maybe Marinette's smile? that made him happy.

He could tell it wasn't working as the Akuma grew closer, his eyes darted to the tube in his hand and he threw it at the butterfly without thinking. As it made contact it sunk into it, leaving it to go a horrid grey colour.

"Ohh... That was close dude. Sorry about that." He kept his eye on it as he fell back to lay down on his back, just in case it came out on his own.

Wayzz landed on his shoulder before patting his check. " it's my fault, I should have warned you sooner, you're not immune to the Akuma's, I should have told you. "

Rubbing his head, Nino gave a slight huff. "Not your fault, I shouldn't have assumed." He sat up pulled Wayzz into the crook of his neck and gave him a one handed hug. "What are we gonna do about that?"

"We need to get Ladybug, then we release the Akuma and she can purify it. Don't touch it. "

 He nodded as he began to stand. Eyes looking around to find the closest place to transform. He didn't want to leave the Akuma unattended for long.

 "No!" His attention was drawn to the centre of the park, the boy from earlier was back and it looked like he was out for round two.

He watched as the boy ducked and weaved around people, doing his best to avoid his father. It looked like he really intended to stay at the park for as long as he wanted.

Which, now that he was looking at it more calmly, didn't look as good as it did before. He Could just imagine himself and Chris in that situation... It wasn't good.

Feeling Wayzz tugging at his clothes he was about to turn away before he saw the kid catch sight of the tube of Bubble mix. His eyes widened as he saw the kid make a break for it, no doubt thinking it was nothing more then bubbles.

"No, Kid! Don't! " Despite trying to run to it first, he had thrown it a good distance and had neglected to move closer in case the Akuma sprung out of it.

He, unfortunately, wasn't fast enough as the kid had picked it up before he could stop him. Hawkmoths symbol appeared over his eyes and Nino could see the discoloration that occurred around his eyes.

 "Kid!" he Stopped before him, hands hesitating to reach for the akumatised object, in case it somehow affect him too. " Don't listen to him kid, he won't help you. "

The boys father stopped not that far from him, seemingly hesitating to come closer. Nino grew hopeful when the boys eyes looked towards him and not spaced out, maybe he did get through to him.

"Yes... Hawkmoth." Oh Speakers, Hats and tables that was not good.

 The dark bubbles clouded around him and Nino scrambled to get a few feet back. As the bubbles peeled away he caught sight of the Akuma's form. And... ugh, it was going to make him sick just looking at it.

The boy now looked like a cartoon character, his top half was a bright red colour while his arms where a solid black, small 'bubbles' were sat around his joints and his legs were the same. He looked entirely like he was made out of plastic.

"Jason?" His father seemed to snap out of his stupor, stepping closer to his son. Nino was torn between running off to transform and staying to try to convince him to hand him the Akuma.

The akuma, Jason, turned his head towards the man with a frown on his face. "My name's not Jason." Quick as anything the boy raised his wrist and Nino saw what looked like a water gun strapped to his wrist , a small tube lead back to a tube looked backpack on his back. "Its bubble boy!"

In an instant a large bubble shot out and captured the man within it, turning it from its original purple to a sharp green, as the man floated up Nino decided that was his moment to finally get away.

-

The sound of an explosion caused Marinette to stumble off her chair with a scream, her dinner going flying, her mother jumped from the noise too.

scrambling to the window she could see both Carapace and an Akuma fighting it out.

"I... ugh, I'm going to my room! To hide!" Marinette scrambled up to her room, not giving her mother a second glance. Said woman stared after her daughter in confusion before closing the shutters on the window, just to be safe.

-

Carapace dodged to the side as another burst of bubbles shot past him, the park had long since vacated she to the Akuma and now it was just him and said Akuma.

"Listen to me kid! This isn't the way. This isn't solving anything, just causing more problems."

The akuma screamed at him, much in the same was all kids did when they were angry before pointing his bubble gum at him. "It's bubble boy! And I say it's playtime, Forever! "

Bubble boy fired off three massive bubbles towards him, two red and one purple. He knew he could deflect the red ones but he also couldn't touch the purple one without getting caught in it. He also would have time to deflect the red ones of he avoided the purple one.

He was about to cast Shell-ter when he felt something wrap around his torso. He was quickly yanked up and over the Akuma, at the peak of his impromptu swing he caught ladybugs eyes from where she was flying before he landed to a skidding halt well behind the Akuma.

"Just as a serious question. Is this going to become a regular thing with you? "

Fluttering down next to him, Ladybug let her yo-yo hang limply. "You're my partner, of course I'm going to protect you."

 "Yeah, but that's my job." He muttered quietly before taking his shield off his back and holding it in front of him. " Be careful of his bubbles, red explodes, purple captures you and they're unbreakable. He's already sent someone high up with one. Akuma's either in the bubble gun or in the backpack. "

 "Right," She nodded, eyes squinting at the Akuma . "Then let's get this done before I'm missed."

 Spinning her Yo-Yo into the air she called out- "Lucky Charm!" - The ladybugs swarmed around each other into the air and came together to form A- "Skipping rope? How's this going to help?"

 "He did say that he wanted playtime to last forever."

Ladybug nodded as she looked around, her nose scrunched up in thought. " Right I got it, " She tossed one end of the rope to him, which he caught. "You ever tie yourself up?"

Catching her meaning he nodded before he brought up his shield, the rope handle in his other hand. "Right, ready?" Receiving a nod he ran forwards, Ladybug floating just behind him.

 "You won't stop me!" Bubble Boy raised his hand at them, a large red bubble forming at the end of the bubble gun. "It will be Playtime!" He launched the Bubble and it shot towards them with speed.

 "Shell-ter! " A small semi-circular shield formed around his shield, protecting their front halves and allowed them to keep moving without removing it.

The bubble hit dead on, causing it to explode against it, the force caused his arm to real back. Instead of fighting against it he let himself be spun, throwing the shield once he was fully turned around again.

it flew through the air until it sailed right past the kids head, causing him to flinch in surprise.

Taking advantage of the momentary distraction Carapace slid to the boys left while Ladybug flew past his right, as soon as both of them passed by his shoulders they turned to loop behind him.

Carapace ended up on his right, while Ladybug was on this left, the skipping rope was looped around his chest and arms, loose.

 "Now!" Both of them pulled, tightening the rope just enough to pin his arms down. Slowly Carapace wrapped his side of the rope around his arm as he moved closer.

Grabbing the Akumatised object he carefully removed it from the boy before violently tossing it towards his returning shield, where it shattered on impact and released the butterfly within. Ladybug released her end of the rope to capture it and purify it.

Carapace relaxed slightly as the boy when more limp in his arms as his Akuma form was stripped away from him. He carefully pulled the skipping rope away before throwing it to Ladybug And pointing upwards. The boys father was still up there after all.

"Miraculous Ladybug!"

 There wasn't nearly as many magical Ladybugs as before, given the lack of damage, but Nino knew he would never tire of seeing them swarm the area.

 "Jason!" And there was the boys father, Nino released the boy and both of them collided into each other in a hug. He couldn't help but smile at the sight. What had he been thinking when he was groaning about the adults earlier?

The ringing of their miraculous brought him out of his trance and he turned to Ladybug as she began to hover slightly. "Not to charm and dash but I've gotta go."

" Bug wait! " He reached out and grabbed her wrost, stopping her from flying away for just a moment. "We need to talk."

Oblivious to Ladybugs face growing darker he looked to the father son duo as she began to talk. "Now's not a good time Cara, our timers."

 " I know," as if to punctuate her point their miraculous beeped again. "Eiffle tower, Tonight, ten thirty, yeah?"

Carapace was so caught up in organizing what he was going to say that he missed Ladybugs dreamy sigh. " Yeah... ok... " Snapping out of it Ladybug shook her head. "I mean, yeah sure, Ten thirty, not a second late."

 Nodding Nino let her go, watching as she fluttered away, chuckling as she looped in the air. Flashing the duo a peace sign he made his own quick exit.

-

Adrien's birthday might have been a bust but he had learned several important things today and Ladybug needed to know about them.

Which is why he found himself waiting on the top of the Eiffel tower, far above where anyone else could even reach. He didn't mind the height, despite how it was a little difficult to actually get up there for him but they needed the privacy.

Especially since what he was going to talk about was not something he wanted any civilian to hear. Lest he cause a little bit of a panic.

He was a little nervous about bringing it up to Ladybug, given that the Akuma was originally after him and he couldn't quite say that without worrying Ladybug and/or revealing who he was. Both of those things were bad in their own right.

The heavy thump of feet hitting metal caused him to spin around, meeting Ladybugs eyes with a nod. "Sorry I'm a little late, didn't want to get caught sneaking out."

Nino chuckled as he shook his head. " Oh, I know that feeling. The paranoia that you're being watched, your heart racing like it's beating its last. I know it well. "

"Sneak out a lot then?" Nino couldn't quite place the look that was in her eyes but he got the impression that she was... Impressed? Or maybe evaluating something about him.

"Not a lot, but sometimes I just needed some air and a walk around, you know?"

She shrugged, her wings fluttering behind her, despite being on the ground. "I guess, sometimes I need new stimuli to be able to work on some of my projects. "

He nodded and the two fell into a sort of awkward silence, he offered with his hands, finger brushing over his miraculous as Ladybug swayed side to side slightly.

"So?..."

 "I learned something today, a few things actually." Slowly Nino moved to the centre beam that stuck up the middle, before hitting his back against it and skidding down till he was sat down.

"We're not immune to the Akuma's bug. " Unknown to him, his words had ripped Ladybug out of her hypothetical daydream of Carapace confessing to her atop the tower.

Thoughts on having a hamster on hold she moved closer before kneeling down in front of him. "What do you mean? "

"Earlier, with the akuma," when he got a nod from her he continued. "The boy, he wasn't the original target for the Akuma." Seeing Ladybug about to open her mouth he held up his hand to signal that he wished to finish .

"There was this other boy, had these sick headphones styled after me, he was upset..." He completely missed the way how Ladybugs eyes widened in surprise, he had not way of knowing that she knew his civilian self. "Or mad, I dunno. "

"Point is, it went for him and he threw... Whatever the item was and it absorbed the Akuma but didn't turn him." He took a breath in as he pulled one of his knees closer. " The boy picked it up, became the Akuma. "

"Oh..." Ladybugs eyes darted around for a moment before she moved and sat next to him, their shoulders touching. "So we can trap Akuma's?"

" As long as no-one touches the item and we somehow get you there to purify it quickly. "

"Ok?..." Ladybug twisted her hand in a Thoughtful manner. " So, how does all that connect to us not being immune? "

"I made an offhand comment to Wayzz, about being glad we were immune. He said we weren't, that Akuma can come for us and we need to be careful."

He shivered as he remembered how close that Akuma had come to him, never again. Noticing the far off look in ladybugs eyes he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and bumped their shoulders together.

His missed as her face began to go the same shade as her suit, hands shaking slightly from the surprise contact. "Don't worry about it too much Bug. Just ask your Kwami to help you find your happy place, that should do it."

 " Yeah... ok... "

Despite it all, Marinette couldn't stop herself from looking at Carapace in slight awe. She leaned into his hold, glad to be able to take advantage of this moment, even if it wouldn't last.

[soranihimawari]

what he sees...

word count: 1.8k

tagging: @m0nstergeneration20xx​

warnings/genre: gamer friends to lovers [is that even a thing?]// rated F for fluff

<< |master list|>>

hallway meeting [day 0] :

part of kenma’s daily routine was to roam the halls of his high school during lunch break in search for a stronger wifi signal. recently that proved to be a challenge considering the fact the wifi was acting all wonky during the aftermath of the thunderstorm that occurred two weeks ago. the dual-toned setter was about to abandon all hope and just suffer the penalty for using one of his many devices as a hotspot during school hours.

that plan was almost coming into fruition when he heard a rather pleasant monotone voice pleading with the audio visual club members to take on a new second year recruit. with a resounding and stern, “no,” kenma heard the door close when he rounded the corner. he paused long enough to see the girl in the class across from his lower her closed fist before releasing a short lived sigh. for the life of him, kenma could not remember the name of the student he was quietly observing, but that didn’t stop him from staring at the phone you took out from your blazer pocket.

you held your phone in one hand while using your dominant hand as a mischievous smirk carved its way across your features. you swiftly stepped away in the opposite direction of the clubroom with a few keystrokes of code being typed before you pressed enter. you pretended to not hear the screams of horror when you whistled a tune down the hallway. kenma glanced down at his phone to notice his phone switched from LTE to a new closed wifi server nicknamed “chaos fiber.” it wasn’t password protected, meaning the girl’s device picked up his phone’s presence. kenma let out a chortle before he turned on his heels to head back toward his homeroom.

that afternoon on the train ride back to their neighborhood, kenma was rather quiet,even more so than what his best friend/neighbor had been accustomed to.

“kenma, do you think there’d be aliens on mars?” kuroo baited a question to see if his friend would bite.

“mmhm,” kenma replied; his subconscious was busy trying to remember any noticeable detail from lunch. the mysterious tech angel helped him out, but he didn’t want the rooster haired third year next to him cause a raucous over it. 

“you’re acting strange, even for you,” kuroo said when they were heading off the train and taking the stairs outside to the platform leading to their side of the tokyo suburbs.

“you think so?” kenma quipped knitting his brow.

“i don’t know what happened, but i guess it’s alright for now. you probably need sleep. don’t stay up too late, man.”

“ok.”

the next day right before classes were dismissed for the day, you found yourself tinkering with your mother’s old phone trying to breathe it back to life. you decided to take a break to crack your knuckles and stretch your arms when your class vice-representative, sayo-kun, said you had a visitor. Kenma did not come up with a valid reason why he thought his feet to moved on their own at lunch leading him to an impromptu visit to your class across the hall. 

he wanted to know thank you for sharing the closed wifi name with him because he was able to finally play all this games without any interruptions whatsoever, but since he knew himself to be no expert on romance, he decided to text the team. ok, let’s be real, he texted kai and yaku. if kuroo found out, homeboy would have made a big show out of something so small like kenma’s first high school crush. kenma did receive some decent advice after making the vice captain and libero of his sports club team promise to not tell their captain right away for fear of scaring the girl. 

12:05 

ꜰʀᴍ: ʏᴀᴋᴜ-ᴢᴀ ʟɪʙᴇʀᴏ

ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʜᴇʀ? ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀɴᴅꜱ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴄʟᴀᴍᴍʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴘʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ ꜱʜᴇ ᴡᴀᴠᴇꜱ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ? ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴇ ᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴀꜱᴋ ʜᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ ɢᴀᴍᴇꜱ ɪꜰ ꜱʜᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇꜱ ᴍᴍʀᴘɢꜱ? 

12:09

ꜰʀᴍ: ᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴄᴀᴘ

ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀᴇᴅ ʏᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ʏᴀᴋᴜ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴀꜱᴋᴇᴅ ᴋᴇɴᴍᴀ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ɢᴇɴᴜɪɴᴇ ᴄʀᴜꜱʜ ᴏɴ ʜᴇʀ. ɪꜱɴ’ᴛ ꜱʜᴇ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴀɴʏᴡᴀʏꜱ? 

“talk to her, ask her out for some ice cream or pie at the cafe down the street from campus? practice is cancelled today anyways since nekomata has family visiting today,” kenma mumbled the last text kai sent him right before reaching your class’ door.

“can i help you?” your ears were completely oblivious to whomever sayo-kun was talking to while you pressed the power button of the phone on your desk, eyes lighting up with glee as it slowly powered on. You chuckle amused at your own genius turning your mother’s older (and by all means obsolete) phone into an emergency back up of the back up mp3 player.

“hey y/n! kodzume-san’s here to see you,” your classmate said breaking your thought process. 

“thanks,” kenma said quietly brushing past sayo-kun stopping roughly a foot before your desk. He played with his hands a bit as you lowered your arms back on your desk folded on top of each other.

“what can i do for you kenma?” you asked, an eyebrow raised at him. You knew why he was there. you were the one with the wifi server that you closed off to the other audio visual club jerks the other day, but what you didn’t know was what piqued your interest.

“i wanted to say thank you for the other day,” kenma stated in a shy tone. he was testing the waters by taking a step or two forward in your direction. you had this sly smile growing across your face which kenma found kind of endearing. Have you always looked this effortlessly sophisticated? or was that just how nature laid out your kind features every time artificial fluorescent light made your eyes sparkle in the day time.

“ah,” you reply. you bop your head while adding a quick, “i see.”

a fleeting moment of silence passes between you two before you suggest something to him which nearly caused the aloof member of the volleyball team to be caught off guard:

“want to spend a free period with me? a have one coming up right before classes are dismissed today. i’ll be in the computer lab if you’re interested.”

kenma didn’t say anything else, but you took into account the way his pupils dilated in excitement at the invitation right before he accepted your offer. you exchanged contact info once he arrived at the lab an hour later where you helped each other in creating a small network of computers to connect to the fiberware and now password protected “chaos” server from a few weeks ago. every computer that was turned on in the lab had different operating systems running through (of course with the best games downloaded by the seniors beforehand). 

“welcome to the chaos network. wanna play a game?” 

kenma did not have to be asked a second time as he sat down in front of one of the computers and thus began a partnership between you and the pudding haired setter. you brought over an extra wireless keyboard for the game kenma chose to play, laughing with him as he began to design his  lvl 1 character. you did the same when the game prompted kenma to choose to add another member to his party... 

later that evening, when he offered to walk with you to the train station with kuroo saying he had cleaning duty, kenma and you found yourselves headed in the same direction for the platform close by.

“seems like this is where we part,” you say, readjusting your school bag on your shoulder. “thanks for accompanying me earlier. i haven’t been able to play that game yet. i had fun.”

“yeah,me too.” kenma agreed taking out his gaming console again. what you did next, you had no idea why you did it, but you just went with it: you invaded kenma’s personal bubble rather quickly pressing your lips onto the side of his cheek without any forewarning. you retreated back to where you stood in front of him before

“sorry, i should of asked if that was ok,” you apologize in a meek voice admist a now crowded station. kenma shook his head to indicate that it was alright. afterall, his crush just kissed him and his brain had an emergency halt of normal kenma-esc thoughts. “see you tomorrow at school.”

“see you later,” was all he managed to say seeing as you turned to walk to your platform number to wait for your train.

--[ three weeks later]--

A couple of weeks later, you were formally introduced to the rest of the Nekoma Volleyball Club when you mentioned that your gaming partner left behind his switch in the computer room during mid-class break. Needless to say you were bombarded with questions ranging from, “where did you meet kenma,” “what class were you in,” and finally, “are you going to be our manager? You’re practically kenma’s ‘player 2’ already, right?”

Nekomata chuckled at his team, recalling the days of his youth, when something eerily similar happened to his captain at the time.

“Umm,” you cleared your throat before you drew a deep breath in. You closed your eyes on the exhale and tilted your head to the side, curling a hand under your chin in thought. 

“C’mon, you don’t have to answer any of--” Kenma’s voice was pretty even throughout meaning he was getting more annoyed at how everyone else got to ask you those pressing questions, but he had been interrupted. Over the past three weeks, you hung out with kenma more and more, seeing what was his level of comfort around you versus other people. Every time you hung out with him, kenma finally felt himself breathe a little better than before. His crush still clung on to him, so it wasn’t properly addressed until that afternoon when seeing you dropped by unannounced to return his console after you helped free the os for any bugs and malware. 

“I met Kenma in the other side of the hallway where audio/visual club after they shut me down from joining their ‘prestigious’ club, so I launched a virus that killed their LAN party mid-campaign; class 2-5 [college prep]; if you need one, i don’t see why not? I’ve got time to spare. And actually,” your eyes never wavered off Kenma’s beet red ears from the moment you interjected. “I don’t know. You should ask him that when I leave Lev.”

[ The team’s focus switched back to where their setter was standing utterly dumbfounded by your honesty. You’d think you never saw a clowder of kittens look this excited for their ‘brain’ to find someone as wickedly smart (if not smarter) than their captain. ]

Scowling at the tallest first year on the team, Yaku nearly roundhouse kicked his kouhai for the third time that practice. Kai, judging by the way Kuroo and Yamagoto’s jaws went slack after you agreed to be the official team manager right before the prefecture qualifiers were announced, just laughed with a knowing smile. The first years on the team were so enamoured by your bold, yet casual attitude, they could see why their gaming senpai would find someone special like you. Especially since they noticed how Kenma’s usually displeased expressions seemed to have subsided to his version of “i’m not upset, just disappointed,” neutral face during practices lately.

“Do you want to be?” Kenma’s voice was the loudest anyone ever heard him speak, well except for you. This voice you had grown accustomed to when you helped him during a rare monster raid in one of the various mmorpgs you linked your devices to. By now you two were at the half-way point when you were walking toward each other, it was like your bodies just took comfort automatically as though your subconscious knew the other was close. Kenma was facing you and despite his height, you were a little shorter than he was while wearing your ballet flats. 

You extended your hand to hold one of his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Your thumb rubbed miniscule spirals to calm the tensions in his fingers down. Much to their surprise, their setter rested his forehead against your shoulder muttering a “please?” so you did what you do best, you pat the top of his head gently. you avert your gaze for a split second; you hum while you prepare a straightforward answer.

“I thought we already were,” you say with the utmost sincerity in your voice. “Let me know when you get home. See ya Kodzu-san.” Your lips curled into a hauntingly gorgeous smile as you walked away shaking your head. You chewed your bottom lip to stop from screaming in excitement. You introduced yourself with a slight bow toward the coach, asking him to cut the team a little slack with the remainder of time left for practice; you told him you’d also fill out the manager interest form asap.

“Did we just get my second player to be our manager?” Kenma was given enough time to process what he said aloud a few more times. Before he realized what he truly said,he took a knee covering his mouth in a failed attempt at hiding the widest grin he’d ever show his teammates.

Kuroo chuckled, nodding with his answer. “Yep we sure did buddy. Is she the reason why you were acting so strange that day?”

Kenma glared at Kuroo who held up his hands in the air like he was caught stealing cookies before dinner like when they were kids.  

fast forward four days later, you found yourself in the comfort of kenma’s room. more so, in the comfort of his hoodie you saw lying around at the edge of his bed. you were stealth enough to quietly slip it over your head while kenma went downstairs to grab a plate of cut fruit from the kitchen. you were invited at the request of his grandparent who just happened to be visiting that day after he mentioned your name in passing right before he left for school that day. you were lost in your within your own stream of consciousness, so you were unaware that kenma was standing behind you. the sound of the plate landing on the corner of his desk in his room caused to you to turn around quickly. 

“you look cute,” was all he said slightly lowering his head to kiss your forehead. you hugged him, sweater paws and all, causing him to chuckle when he made his way to his bed. kenma patted the space next to him. 

“oh?” you hum in earnest. your eyes scrunching up when you felt your blush under your eyes glow a little more iridescent than before you sat down next to him on the bed. “glad you think so highly of me.” 

kenma rested his head on your shoulder similar to the way he did on the day you dropped off his switch earlier that week. you raised you right arm in order to have your hand run through his hair and you could of sworn you heard him purr right as he drifted off into a nap. you felt your eyelids grow heavy not too long after, not realizing you were about to lay yourself down on the bed to get more comfortable with kenma’s arms loosely wrapped around your waist (and your hand lost in his blonde hair).

Later that evening/morning:

[eldritchsurveys]

862.

1. have you ever gotten soap in your mouth for cursing? do you think that’s right to do to kids who curse?: >> I did get soap in my mouth, but not for cursing; for “talking back” or being “fresh”, mostly. I was (understandably...) too afraid to do anything as brash as curse. I don’t think it’s an appropriate disciplinary measure at all, unless your mission is to confuse and frighten your child into obedience... which, apparently, is a lot of parents’ ultimate goal, it seems.

2. what age do you think is appropriate for kids to start watching horror movies with lots of gore?: >> I really don’t have a solid opinion about this. I tend to skew a little unorthodox on this front, which is probably best left unexplored (fortunately, this is all hypothetical and I’ll never have to address this situation in real life).

3. do you know what the word “polyamorous” means? and did you ever hear that song by breaking benjamin?: >> I know what it means, and I do remember the Breaking Benjamin song.

4. how many bug bites do you currently have?: >> Zero.

5. what’s one word you always have trouble spelling and can’t remember the correct spelling of?: >> I don’t think there’s any word like that. Spelling and phonics is one of my few strong suits.

6. what’s one band that really sucks live?: >> I don’t know, I haven’t seen any that I thought sucked performance-wise (I have seen a few whose music I just didn’t care for, like some opening acts, but that has nothing to do with the quality of their performance).

7. do you go to warped tour? why or why not?: >> I have never been to Warped Tour. I just never got an opportunity to go, or I was never interested, or whatever.

8. do you have any wind chimes outside your house? how many?: >> No. Some neighbours have them, I think.

9. do you know someone who actually had someone give them a bouquet of real roses and one fake one, and tell them they’ll love them until the last one dies?: >> I’ve never even heard of that.

10. which do you like better, firefox or internet explorer?: >> Firefox.

11. who is the most attractive person on your street?: >> ---

12. do you have a flat stomach? would you ever wear a belly shirt to show it off?: >> I no longer have a flat stomach, and you wouldn’t catch me dead in a crop top.

13. which do you prefer on yourself, long or short hair?: >> I like how I look with long hair, but I prefer the low maintenance of short hair. So, I buzz my head, and I wear wigs when I feel like it. Best of both worlds.

14. what about on your preferred sex? long or short?: >> ---

15. with eyebrow piercings, do you prefer the ring or the curved barbell?: >> I have no opinion.

16. have you ever pierced something yourself? why and what was it?: >> Yeah, I pierced my ears a few times. I did it because I wanted to? And also because I couldn’t afford to have them professionally done. I also did it when I was 16 because my father wouldn’t let me get a cartilage piercing, so I pierced my own ear at work one day. (My father eventually noticed because I put the most ridiculously obvious jewelry in it... hold on, I’m going to find a photo of what I’m talking about because like... what did I expect to happen)

looked something like that. I straight up deserved to get caught.

17. would you date someone who was five years older than you?: >> I don’t date, but that wouldn’t be a dealbreaker if I did.

18. i heard of a girl whose boyfriend cheated on her with a 13yearold (he’s 18) and got her pregnant, so she left him. what would you have done if you were in her situation?: >> I... just can’t imagine being in this situation, sorry.

19. how old was the youngest person you ever found attractive? and how old were you?: >> Oh, I don’t know. Probably not much younger than myself; my tastes always skewed older (oftentimes much older).

20. isn’t it annoying when you’re trying to start conversation with someone and all they say is “yup” or “really now” or something like that?: >> Not necessarily, unless they’re usually much more exuberant and participatory than that. Then I’d wonder if something was wrong (and if it was my fault).

21. if you have aim, do you have any linked screen names? how many?: >> ---

22. which of your favorite bands released a new album last?: >> I’m not sure.

23. are you waiting for any bands to release new albums? which ones?: >> No.

24. what’s your favorite store for buying cds and such at?: >> Back in the day when that was my primary mode of listening to music, my favourite music stores were Virgin Megastore and Tower Records. Ah, nostalgia.

25. what’s the point in buying dvds like “girls gone wild” and other porn if you can get tons more online for free?: >> Well, people generally do watch more porn online nowadays, I think. But the benefit of having a DVD is that... you never have to worry about the video being taken down, and you always have it available (so, even if you don’t have internet connection, etc). It’s the same argument for having paper books or movies/shows on DVD, really.

26. if you had to have one drug (illegal ones, like marijuana and cocaine and all of them) right now, what would it be?: >> Well, marijuana is technically legal here (although I think new recreational dispensary openings in this city have been kinda interrupted by the whole pandemic business, so it’s still a bit hard to access for now). The only drugs I’m even interested in anymore (besides maybe a little low-THC weed, just to see) are psychedelics, and I don’t just want to take them casually, I want a tripsitter or a therapist present. So it’s more complicated than just “getting the drug”.

27. would you ever get a sleeve or a half sleeve on your arm (we’re talking about tattoos)?: >> I would love that. I have had the idea to have a tree-rings tattoo down my left arm like the astronaut character in The Fountain for years.

28. do you have a wireless mouse and/or keyboard?: >> No, my keyboard and mouse are both wired, which is logical. Wouldn’t it suck if I was in the middle of a boss fight in FFXIV and the battery in my keyboard or mouse just fuckin died? Yikes.

29. do you think your biological parents love each other?: >> They did not love each other, from my perspective. I don’t even know if my father is capable of loving anyone, the way he fucking acts.

30. do you have callouses on your feet?: >> No.

31. did you see the commercial for that “foot grater” on tv that basically shaves the callouses off of your feet? isn’t that nasty to think about?: >> That is nasty to think about, and I don’t think it’s even necessary. Anything to make a buck, I guess.

31. what’s your favorite color combination (ex. pink and purple)?: >> I don’t know, I like a lot of colour combinations.

32. ever been to watchmovies.net? what do you think of the quality of the movies there?: >> Yeah. I don’t like sites like that because I can never get good subtitles and also they’re always buffering and shit. I can’t put up with that anymore, I paid my dues back in my literally-broke days.

33. what’s one movie you’re dying to see but haven’t had the chance to see yet?: >> Everything on my watchlists across the four streaming services I patronise. I just don’t always have movie-watching energy (or time), so it’s slow going to get through all my watchlists.

34. would you rather live alone in a huge mansion or alone in a small studio apartment?: >> Alone in a small studio apartment. Unless the huge mansion had a staff, because I really can’t fucking imagine keeping a mansion clean and maintained otherwise. But... huge mansions often come with a lot of acreage... and no neighbours... that’d be nice.

35. if you came across child porn on your computer, what would you do?: >> How the fuck would that even happen? Let’s not get silly here.

36. what’s the last computer game you played?: >> Final Fantasy XIV.

37. what’s the name of the street you live on?: >> Eh, let’s not.

38. would you ever dye your entire head blonde?: >> No.

39. what’s the randomest thing you ever heard of someone collecting?: >> I don’t know, most things people collect seem random to me.

40. how often do you use “<3” or “:]”?: >> Rarely.

41. isn’t it annoying how people walk around thinking hollister logo tshirts and ripped jeans are preppy, even though those things would never be allowed in a prepatory school because of the dress code?: >> *stares blankly in “I don’t care”*

42. how do you feel about abortion?: >> I am pro-choice.

43. what’s one thing your grandmother does that you can’t stand?: >> ---

44. did you ever notice how it’s more tragic if a younger person dies than an older person, even if they both died of the same cause?: >> It does seem that way to people, but I don’t see it that way myself. Of course I’d rather die when I’m old than, like, right now, but hey. It be like that.

45. when’s the last time you snuck around, and where did you go?: >> I don’t have to sneak around.

46. how often do you wash your hair?: >> Once a week, provided I remember.

47. do you think the price for a movie ticket is too high these days?: >> Not here, it isn’t. In NYC, it was fucking astronomical.

48. have you ever been to a drive-in movie theater?: >> No. I’d like to one day, that seems fun. But only if I have a convertible, lol.

49. what’s your favorite musical?: >> Phantom of the Opera.

50. what do you think of dr. seuss?: >> I’ve never read him (that I can remember) and I don’t care.

[allaboutthebooz]

Send My Love (To Your New Lover) Part Seven

Summary: Y/N is ready to say goodbye.

Warnings, Angst, finally a smidgen of fluff.

A/N: Here it is guys! Part 7! Like I said in my last post, I’m excited for all of the new things I’m bringing to this story and I can’t wait to hear what you all think! There should be specific links for outfits, if you all would like to check them out. The song that the reader sings is a country song, because they do know how to sing about heartbreak. You can find it here, if you want to listen while you read. So enjoy!

You and the Padalecki clan have been going nonstop since Jared touched down in Austin. Shopping, playing, movies, music festivals, and so much more. Yesterday was another day of shopping for you and Gen, while Jared and the kids stayed behind, so he could spend more time with them. You told Genevieve about what you were hoping to accomplish, and she was excited to help. You went shopping for a few new outfits for the upcoming conventions and all the traveling that you will be doing for the next year and a half.

Today is a day being spent on one of their friend’s boats. You were currently standing in front of your bed in their guest room, deciding which bathing suit you were going to wear, when someone knocked on the door.

“Come in.” You call out as you pick up burnt blush two piece and examine it. The door opens and in steps Jared.

“Hey. Almost ready?”

“Almost. Just gotta change.”

“Good.” He rubs his hands together, looking nervous. Very Sam Winchester.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” You ask him, stepping towards him. Concern growing inside of you. Were the kids okay? Was Gen okay?

“Nothing. Everything’s fine.”

“Jared, has anyone ever told you that you are a horrible liar?”

He huffs a laugh. “Right. Uh..”

“Just spit it out. You’re making me anxious!”

“How mad would you be if Jensen tagged along?”

“Seriously?” You ask him as you start to laugh, hoping he’s messing with you. When he doesn’t laugh with you, your smile fades. “Wait, you’re really serious?”

“I’m sorry, Bug.” He tries to make you understand how sorry he is, by dropping his new nickname for you.

“Why, Jared? I was looking forward to this!”

“I know, but you have to understand. You’re both my best friends and I’ve chosen you over him a lot the past year. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve it, but I need to be his friend too. I’m still pissed about what he did to you, but-“ He shrugs, giving you those damn puppy dog eyes.

You sigh and let your body sag a little. “You’re lucky I love you, Padalecki. If you wanted to spend time with Jensen, then you should have told me. I could have gone home for a while.”

“No! That’s not what I want. You know that, but he’s my brother, Y/N. Just like you’re my sister.”

“Don’t you dare pull a Bobby Singer on me.” You bring you hand up to your mouth and run a finger over your bottom lip, thinking for a bit. “Maybe I’ll just stay here. Read through my scripts again. I can lay by the pool, it’s just as good as the lake.”

“No, you should come with us, like we planned. Gen is gonna want you there. The kids are with my parents today, so she needs someone to keep her entertained. We’ll have the jet skis. Tons of booze. Music. Food.”

“Alright. Alright. You had me booze.” You give him a tight smile. “You owe big.”

He smiles and pulls you into a hug. “I know it’ll be tough, but you can do it. It’s one day. And if we get there and you want to bail, we won’t be mad. We’ll completely understand.”

You just nod, and he places a kiss to the top of your head before stepping away.

“Let change and I’ll meet you guys downstairs.”

“Okay. See you in a bit.” He steps out of the room and closes the door.

You turn and sit on the bed. Your once bright mood covered by the rain cloud that is Jensen. You blow some air through your cheeks and square your shoulders. You’re not going to let this ruin your fun. You were going to pretend that nothing was wrong. You were going to prove to all of them, that you were ready to move on. That he didn’t have a hold over you anymore.

You were determined to move on. You were tired. You were ready to say goodbye.

After changing and meeting Jared and Genevieve downstairs, you all piled into their car and headed to the lake. Your stomach in knots at the thought of seeing Jensen. You didn’t know if she was going to be with him. You didn’t dare to ask. You didn’t want to know. You’d know as soon as you stepped onto the boat. You pray for his sake, that he’s smart enough to leave her at home or wherever she is. He would be even more of an asshole, if he brought her along.

After thirty minutes of driving, Jared swings the car into a parking spot and you climb out. Pulling your bag from the trunk while Jared grabs the cooler and Gen grabs her bag. Tan sunglasses resting on your face, hat covering in your hand, sandals on your feet, and semi sheer dress covering up your bathing suit. You follow behind the couple as they move towards the docks, finding the boat.

It was huge and had the perfect areas to lay around on when your all weren’t splashing around in the water. Jared steps down onto the deck and puts the cooler down next to him. He stretches out a hand to help you and Gen climb down. Ever the gentleman.

“Jensen? Are you here yet man?” He calls out and you clinch your jaw, the knot growing.

Under the covering you can hear movement. “Yeah I’m here. About time. I was going to leave without you.” Jensen’s gruff voice getting closer as he moves to join you all. His smiling face peeking around the corner before he steps out completely. Greeting Jared and Gen with hugs before looking over at you with a small smile. All you can manage is a tight-lipped smile and hope it doesn’t look like a grimace.

“Hey, Y/N/N. I’m glad you’re here.”

“That makes one of us.” You tell him as you move around the three of them to head under the covering. You stop short when you see the redhead, you had been dreading to see. You turn and look at him. The hurt evident on your face. “Are you kidding me?”

“I thought it was time that you all got to know each other. I know things aren’t okay with us right now, but I wanted her to meet my best friends.”

You shake your head and move through the boat. Pushing past Danneel and heading straight to the back.

“Are you kidding me, Jensen? You knew Y/N was going to be here today. You should have told us you were bringing her.” Genevieve tells him before following after you. You don’t here any response or anything else that is being said.

You unload your bag. Pulling your towel out and laying it out in the sun. Linking your wireless headphones to your phone before scrolling through your playlist. You know Gen is watching you, so you turn towards her.

“Please don’t say anything.”

“Okay. I won’t, but if you want to bail, we can. Jared wouldn’t be mad. I won’t be mad. It’s stupid that he brought her.”

“You and Jared really didn’t know?”

“Of course not! We wouldn’t have let him bring her, if we had known. We know what he put you through. For him to think that this was okay, is idiotic on his part.” You nod your head and look down at your hands, still holding your phone. “You tell me what you want to do.”

You think for a second, before deciding. “We can stay. I’m not going to let them ruin my fun. I’m going to show him that I’m moving on. I’m doing this for myself. I need to do this.”

“Okay, but if any time you want to head back to shore, we will.”

“Thanks, Gen. You’re the best.”

“I know.” She smiles at you, before looking behind her. You both here Jared before you see him. The bull in a china shop.

“Hey. Are you okay? Bug, I swear I had no idea he was going to bring her.”

“No, I know, Jared. I know you didn’t know, but it’s okay. We’ll still hang out and have a good time. I’m not going to stop you from hanging out with them. If you guys want to get to know her, I’m not going to blame you. He’s your best friend, Jared. You owe it to him to get to know his new fiance.”

“We’re not going to leave you by yourself. That’s not how we’re going to do this.”

“I’m not saying that, Jared. I’m just saying, don’t let me keep you from having fun. I’m just gonna lay out and get some well-deserved sun and listen to my music. When it’s time to ride the Jet skis, I call first dibs.”

Jared laughs. “Alright. Do you want a drink?”

“Is the sky blue?”

The both laugh and finally understand that you will be okay. “I’m fine guys. This will be okay.”

Gen reaches out and rubs your arm. “Like I said, anytime you’re ready to head home, we will.”

You nod and turn back to your towel on the back deck. “We’ll see. I’m going to lay down.”

They both leave as you put your headphones in and listen to the playlist you created for today, hoping it would brighten your day and help you to relax. You just sit down on the towel, when Jared walks back in with a drink for you. He squats down to sit it beside you on the deck and kisses the top of your head. You smile up at him and thank him, and he’s off again. You lay down and put your headphones in your ears, letting the music surround you.

An hour later, you’re halfway through your playlist and on your stomach, basking in the hot Texas sun and staring at the sights around you, when you feel someone standing behind you. Pulling a bud from your ear, you prop yourself on an elbow and turn to see who it is. It’s Jensen. You sigh before pushing yourself up onto a seated position.

“What do you want, Jens?” You ask him, defeated. You should have known that you couldn’t avoid him the entire day.

“I was just coming to see how you were doing.” He shifts side to side on his feet, he’s nervous. Something that’s been happening a lot lately.

“I’m fine.” You grab your empty bottle that Jared brought you and stand up. You turn to face him and wait.

“Good. That’s good.” He looks you up and down. As if he’s never seen you in a swim suit before, though it has been a while since he’s seen you in anything that wasn’t your hunter gear, on set. You squint your eyes as you notice him looking, before moving towards him and stepping around him. He grabs your wrist, gently. Asking for you to look at him without saying anything. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I brought her with me. I knew you were going to be here and yet, I still brought her. I just wanted you guys to meet her.”

You turn towards him, face emotionless. “After what you did to me, did you really think I would just give her a big hug and welcome her to the family? When you were supposed be my family, my husband. If you hadn’t left me, we would have been married by now. Who knows, we could have a kid on the way. But you made your choice. You chose her and now you just think that I’ll do a complete and be okay with seeing you with her? I’m trying to move on Jensen, but if you keep doing things like this, then you have to understand that you are killing me. You are ripping my heart from my chest every single day and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of crying over you. I’m tired of everyone asking me about you. I’m tired. I just want to move on. You HAVE to let me move on. Otherwise, I will NEVER be able to forgive you. I don’t know if I ever will, but we will never know, if you don’t let me go. Please.” How you managed to get through that without crying, you’ll never know. But you do. Maybe you were finally accepting the same thing that you told him. It was truly time to move on and you both had to let each other go in order to do that.

He drops your wrist. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say something?”

“What was I supposed to say, Jensen? It’s not like I could tell you that I still love you. I wasn’t going to beg you to take me back. I might be broken, but I’m not weak. Even if I had, would you have even taken me back? Would you have left her, like you left me?” You try to wait for an answer, but you can tell by the sad way he looks at you, that he wouldn’t have. “I didn’t think so.”

“Y/N, I never wanted to hurt you. I never thought this would happen-“

“But it did, Jensen. It did and you did, so now you need to let me go. You need to let me be happy.”

“How am I supposed to just let you go? We spent so long together. How can you just expect me to never talk to you again?”

“You don’t have a choice! You’re getting married to someone else! In a few weeks, I’ll be in London and then Atlanta and then eventually, I’ll be back in Vancouver. I hope that when I have to see you again, that I’ll be over you. I can’t wait to not have to see you again. I can’t wait to be done with Supernatural, so that I can tape my heart back together. I can’t wait to say goodbye to Anne, because then it means saying goodbye to you.”

He stares at you with hurt behind his eyes. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

“After everything you put me through? Yeah, I do. I love you Jensen. I will always love you, but you ruined what we had. The second you let her into your life without talking to me about how you were feeling, you ruined us.” You gulp and take a deep breath. “Now, I’m going to get another drink, maybe some food and pester Jared about how much longer until I can rip through the waters on the jet ski.” Without waiting for a respond, you turn and walk away from him. Feeling ten times lighter.

Your time with Gen and the kids came to an end all too soon and before you know it, you were giving tearful goodbyes and hugs to the three little loves in your life, with promises to visit again soon and maybe even having them fly out to see you in London.

You and Jared landed in Chicago a day before the convention was to start. Ever since that day on the lake, you’ve been in a better mood. Jared noticed and asked what was going on and of course you had to tell him. He was proud of the way everything was handled and was happy to see you finally trying to move on. He was sad that he would have to say goodbye to you after San Diego, but knew it was for the best.

Your first day of ChiCon you had two panels, solo photo ops, and autos to prepare for. You first panel was a solo panel, which you were grateful for. You were getting ready in your hotel room. Pulling on your floor length floral dress and giving yourself beach wave curls before pulling on your small heels and heading out the door to meet Jared, Misha, Cliff and Jensen down in the lobby, so that you all could head over together and stuff your faces full of food in the green room.

After your conversation with Jensen, he kept you at arm’s length. He didn’t try to confront you anymore, but you were both civil towards each other for the cameras surrounding you. Kept everything simple for the fans, they didn’t need to know what was going on behind closed doors. No, you made sure to keep everything on the down low. At least until the Saturday Night Special.

Your solo panel was great. You were grateful for the fans keeping their questions away from Jensen and Danneel. They brought you the sweetest gifts and were all filled with so much love for you and you badass alter ego, Anne. How you would ever have to tell them that this would be your last season, when the time came, you didn’t know. You would miss them. You would miss this, but you were ready to move on.

++

You had an hour and a half before your panel with Jared and Jensen, so you headed up to your room to change, before meeting Jared in the green room for a quick snack and getting a quick drink. You were quite proud of your outfit choices that Genevieve helped you pick out. Pulling on the jeans and red velvet top, you felt powerful. You were ready to take on the world and to show everyone you weren’t some girl sitting in a corner, waiting for someone to ask her to dance.

On your way back to the convention hall, you and Jensen cross paths. He stops in front of you before you can pass him. Keeping a good distance between you both, he looks at your outfit. Reminiscing. Keeping your face neutral, for the people around you.

“Yes, Jensen?”

He snaps his eyes up to yours, “Sorry. Uh, I was just coming to find you. They moved the panel up by half an hour, so if you planned on eating anything before, you should probably hurry.” He gives you a small smile.

“Oh, thanks. I’m headed there now.”

“Great. I’ll walk with you.”

“Awesome.” He turns, and you fall in-step beside him. Silence filling the area around you as you both head to the green room.

 ----

Saturday night came quickly. You were nervous about what was about to happen. You were going on stage with Louden Swain, first. Rob had confirmed earlier, that you still wanted to sing and that your song choice was the same.

Your outfit hugging you, the way someone would right now. You were pacing backstage, adjusting your earpieces. You knew what you were getting ready to do, was risky. Laying your feelings out like that, for the world to see, but you knew it had to be done. It was a part of your plan to show everyone that you were ready. You were ready to show them, that you were growing and ready to say goodbye to Jensen.

Before you know it, Rob is introducing you to the stage and you walk from behind the curtain and up the steps. Walking over and hugging Rob and greeting the other members of the band. You stand in front of the microphone and greet the crowd. Their roar of applause, filling your ears.

“So, I’ve been dreading this, in the best possible way. I’m going to do something that I’ve never done before, but it needs to be done. It’s time and I’m ready. I’m not going to say anything else, because as soon as the band starts playing and I start singing, you’ll know.” You scan the crowd and find the two faces you were looking for. Jared giving you a big smile and a thumbs up and Jensen looking confused. You step back form the mic and talk to Rob while the band starts to play. The guitar and keyboard filling your ears and silencing the crowd.

I know I’m probably better off on my own Than lovin' a man who didn’t know What he had when he had it And I see the permanent damage you did to me Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic I wish it wasn’t four am, standing in the mirror Saying to myself, you know you had to do it I know  The bravest thing I ever did was run

The crowd roars as you sing. You close your eyes as the chorus comes through, putting what you feel into every word.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man And I know why we had to say goodbye Like the back of my hand And I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man A better man

You open your eyes and chance a look at Jensen. An unreadable expression on his face. You sing through the next verse and chorus, before the music slows down and you feel the tears prick your eyes as you watch Jensen. Letting a few tears fall as you sing the next verse.

I hold onto this pride because these days it’s all I have And I gave you my best and we both know you can’t say that You can’t say that I wish you were a better man I wonder what we would’ve become If you were a better man We might still be in love If you were a better man You would’ve been the one If you were a better man Yeah, yeah

The music picks up enough to finish out the song with the last round of the chorus, before fading. The crowd roaring with applause once again, taking your attention away from Jensen. You give them a sad smile before wiping your face and turning to Rob and giving him a hug and waving goodbye to the audience. Their cries of approval following behind you.

You take the bottle of water that is being offered to you and head to the green room. You couldn’t have been more grateful that it was empty, at that moment. Sitting yourself on the coach, laying the bottle next to you, before putting your head in your hands and letting yourself cry the final tears that you help in. Your body being wracked with sobs, you allow yourself one final cry. Your own sobs filling your ears enough that you don’t hear the door open. You jump at the hands gently touching your arms and look up to see Jared’s gentle eyes watching you from his squatted position. He puts a hand on your cheek and wipes away some tears before more take their place. You hiccup before reaching for him, wrapping your arms around him. You hold him so tight, that you wonder if you’re choking him, but he grips you just as tight. He truly was the big brother, you never had.

“You did good, Bug. He needed to hear it.” He whispers in your ear and all you do is nod.

-----

Conventions come and go. Articles had been posted. The footage of you singing was all over social media.

You were almost regretting singing that song, but you knew you had to do it. You made one final post on Instagram, before silencing all of your social media. 

Before you knew it, you were being dropped off at LAX, by Jared. It was time to fly out to London and you were having a hard time saying goodbye to him. Blood or not, he is your family and you were going to miss him. You knew he and Gen would be in Europe soon for conventions and he promised they would make a stop in London before heading home. You promised to fly out to Texas for ACL Fest. With a tearful goodbye, you walk away and head to your flight. Putting everything behind you.

 ----

Your first day on the set of Spider-Man, finds you walking out of your trailer looking at your phone. Gen sent you a video of the kids saying how much they love and miss you. You’re too busy smiling and looking at your phone that you don’t notice the person moving in front of you, and you slam into a solid wall of a man. Knocking you both to the ground, you phone skidding across the lot, papers falling around you both.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!” You tell the person under you as you pull back enough to see who it was. A face full of scruff and blue eyes come into view. Hands falling on your hips to keep you in place. You’re stunned into silence by the close proximity. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” You whisper.

The man beneath you huffs a laugh, “It’s alright. Nothing makes my day better than being knocked off my feet by a beautiful woman.” His hands grip you hips a little tighter, reminding you where you were and how this looked to everyone around you. You put your hands on his chest and push yourself up. You stand and offer your hand to him. He takes it and you help pull him to his feet.

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” you feel the blush creep up into your face. “I’m Jake-“

“Gyllenhaal. I know. I loved you in bubble boy. I loved you in everything that you’ve worked on.” You begin to ramble, growing embarrassed.

He just gives you a big smile, showing off his perfectly white teeth. “Thanks. I’ve actually been a big fan of Supernatural for a long time. Became an even bigger one, when Anne came along.” Your blush intensifies.

“Thanks. I’m sorry again about running into you.” You look around for your phone, seeing it a few feet way. You both bend down to pick your items up. Your phone and his scripts.

He looks back at you and says, “Like I said, no better way to make my day than having a beautiful woman knocking me off my feet.”

You smile and look down at your feet. Tucking some hair behind your ear before looking back up at him. “Well, I gotta get over to hair and makeup.” You start to walk away from him, but turn back around and walk backwards, “But I’ll see around, Jake.”

“You too, Y/N.” He smiles again and watches as you turn back around to walk away from him.

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[blacknight1230]

Jack Frost Scenarios - He catches you doing your beauty routine

Steam piled out into the room as the bedroom door opened, as you strode into your bedroom after a nice shower. It was a weekend and seeing as you had nothing to do, you decided to clean yourself up with a well deserved shower and homemade facial. As your feet walked across the hardwood floor, you gathered the lotions and other products you needed to rejuvenate your clean body. First, you lathered your arms and legs with moisturizer, causing you to smell like coconut and your skin to feel as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Seeing as you were only in your undergarments and a wrap-around-towel, you changed your towel for a fluffy light blue bathrobe. This bathrobe was your favorite, as not only did it keep you warm on this winter day, but the color reminded you of the bright cyan eyes of your immortal boyfriend. 

Jack Frost, the teenage representation of winter, was the body that held your heart. You first met the winter spirit when you were 9 years old, and you were one child who believed in the mischievous white haired male. Jack and you became close friends, constantly hanging out and enjoying the numerous snowball fights, sled races, and skating across the icy town lake. As the seasons changed and time went on, your belief in Jack ever faulted, allowing you to see him even as you became a teenager. This is one reason why Jack and you even got together, the other that your friendship morphed into admiration and then finally love. You relationship was based on trust, creating a healthy relationship. After 2 years of being in a steady relationship, you were both felt passionately about each other as much as when you first became boyfriend and girlfriend. 

You smiled as you thought about Jack, a feeling of warmth in your torso as you pictured his snow white hair, pale handsome face and his pale lips pulled into his signature smirk. Getting back to what you were doing, you decided to turn on your music, one of your playlists playing your favorite songs from your wireless speaker. Singing along to (name of your favorite song), you pulled out an outfit to wear for the day onto your bed. Then, you danced across the room towards your makeup vanity. 

Before your shower, you already pulled out the products you needed to treat your face and hair. One of these products was a clay face mask. You grabbed the battle of the grey substance and squirted a good amount in the palm of your hand. The clay felt smooth and moist in your hand, before you started to rub the substance onto your cheeks. As you face got covered more and more with the gray clay, you steadily squirted more the clay from the bottle into your hands. In the end, your cheeks, chin, jawline, forehead, and nose were gray with clay, as were your hands. 

Just as you were about to wash the drying clay from your hands, a voice spoke out over the music. “On, I really wish I had a camera right now,” a masculine voice said. You quickly turned around in fright, thinking someone had broken into your house and was now in your room. Instead of a masked assailant like you thought, Jack stood by your open window, leading against his magical staff. “Jack!” you yelled at the teen. You could feel your cheeks redden underneath the clay mask as Jack walked towards you. “When I decided to hang out with you today, I didn’t expect to see this,” he teased as he tried to touch the clay on your face. “Jack, stop! You’ll freeze it to my face!” you protested as you craned away from Jack’s pale cold fingertips. 

“What is this anyway? Is it one of your makeup things?” Jack questioned as he studied your clay covered face. “It’s a face mask. And if you haven’t noticed by now, I’m not wearing any proper clothes,” you told Jack. He finally noticed you were in a bathrobe and head towel, in turn causing his cheeks to be lightly dusted pink. “Sorry, (y/n). I just was really excited to hang out with today,” he said bashfully. Your heart fluttered at Jack’s generosity, a smile gracing your lips. “It’s okay, Jack. I’m happy you’re here,” you said. Jack smiled but it quickly turned into a pout. “I can’t kiss you without getting that stuff on me,” he said childly. You giggled and rubbed one of his lanky arms in reassurance. “Don’t worry, I just have to wait 15 minutes then I can wash it off,” you said. 

You went back to your skincare products on your makeup table and started to use a face moisturizer on your neck. “What are you doing now, snowflake?” Jack asked, hovering over your makeup table. “I’m moisturizing my neck so I don’t get wrinkles and so my skin is soft,” you explained. Your nose twitched a bit as you felt parts of your face mask drying up. “You never did tell me why you do all of this, sweetheart,” Jack said when he noticed your nose twitch. “It exfoliates my skin. Which means it takes the dirt out of my pores. It help prevents acne,” you said. “You don’t have to do all of that, snowflake. I think you are beautiful either way,” Jack said, blowing cold air onto your neck. “That tickles!” you giggled. Jack grinned at the sound of your laughter, loving to see you in such joy. 

“How long do you have to keep that stuff on?” Jack asked. “About 15 minutes. I just have to wash it off, instead of peeling it off,” you explained, looking at the timer on your phone to see how much longer you had. When you looked up from your phone, you saw Jack was smothering his forehead with the gray clay. “Jack!” you yelled in surprise. “What? I was curious,” Jack said innocently. Your frown slowly turned into a smile; you couldn’t stay mad at him. “You’re wasting the clay, Jack. You’re putting too much on,” you said. You reached your arm out to Jack’s face, taking off the excessive clay with your fingers and putting it on his nose and chin. The winter spirit staid still as you put the clay on his nose and chin, eyes closed as you gently rubbed his pale skin. You were enjoying the feel of his soft and cold skin, pleased that Jack was so relaxed with this, showing you just how much he trusted you. 

When you were done, Jack looked at himself in the vanity mirror. “It’s very sticky and a little itchy,” Jack said as the clay started to dry quickly on his cold skin. “Yeah, it happens when it starts to dry. I’ve gotten used to it.” You put on another time, setting it at 10 minutes instead of 15 and grabbed a soft elastic headband for Jack. “Here, put this on so the clay doesn’t get in your hair,” you said, handing the headband to the male. Jack put the thing on, pushing his wild silvery locks out of his face. The sight in front of you was adorable, as the elastic headband on ears on it. You couldn’t help but giggle and take a picture. “Why did you take a picture of me?” Jack asked, before he caught sight of himself in the mirror. You broke out into a fit of giggles at Jack’s wide eyed expression when he saw his reflection. Jack opened his mouth tosaw something but was interrupted by your timer going off. 

“My face mask is done drying,” you said, before shutting off the alarm. “How much longer do I have to wear mine and lock like this?” Jack asked, a frown on his face. “Just 5 more minutes,” you said. “Come, I’ll show you how I’ll take it off.” You walked to your private bathroom, Jack following you on foot, carrying his staff in his left hand. You turned on the water for the sink, trying to get it nice and warm, then pulled out two washcloths from the small closest within the bathroom. You wet the (f/c) one then gently started to rub off the dried face mask. 

“See Jack, it comes off easily. And you can easily wash the clay off the cloth with regular soap,” you showed the magical teenager. Your (s/c) skin gradually was cleaned from the clay, it now feeling like it could breathe and looked brighter than before. You quickly placed facial moisturizer on afterwards making your cheeks feel soft to the touch. Jack wordlessly watched you continue with your beauty routine, eyes blazing with curiosity and admiration for you. 

The calm silence was broken by your timer going off, meaning Jack could now wash off the clay in his face. Jack grabbed the blue washcloth you laid on the sink counter, quickly wetting it with cold water then scrubbed the clay off his face. “Woah, slow down! You’ll make your face all red!” you warned him. Jack didn’t listen, not wanting the clay to stay on his face and cause itchiness anymore. 

When he lifted his face up, water was dripping down his face, his hair line dampened by the liquid. Jack tried to quickly dry off his face, so the water wouldn’t freeze into icy droplets due to his ice cold skin. When he was done, like you warned him, his once pale skin was now red from the furious scrubbing of the washcloth against his face. “Jack, what did you do to yourself?” you teased. Jack saw that his face was red from his hurried actions and huffed in annoyance. “I’m never doing that again. It felt like bugs were crawling over my face and I couldn’t do anything about it, then my face is red when I take it off. Not to mention how I almost get turned into an ice cube every time water touches my skin,” Jack ranted. “Honestly, I didn’t expect you to like it,” you admitted. “At least you tried something new.” Jack just groaned and walked back into your bedroom, flopping onto your full sized bed. You just playfully rolled your eyes at his overexaggurating actions. 

You walked back into the room and sat back at your vanity table. “I’m doing my hair routine now,” you told the grumpy teen, who was lying face first into your comforter. He only lifted his face from the blanket to say, “As long as you don’t make me do the same, I’m fine with it.” “Please, the products would just freeze in your hair. Nothing can tame that wild hair of yours,” you sassed. “Yeah, well, I know you like my wind swept hair. Why else do you pay with it when we cuddle?” Jack sassed back, a smirk on his face. “You got me there.” 

You pulled your hair out of the head towel, your (short/long/medium) length locks falling back onto the back of your (neck/back). You grabbed a soft bristle brush, running it through your slightly damp hair. “Once I’m done here, I promise we’ll do something together,” you said as you took out the small knots in your hair. “Can we watch Netflix and drink hot cocoa? I’m feeling lazy today,” Jack asked, his eyes brightening at the prospect of cuddling with you on the couch. “Yes, we can watch Netflix and cuddle with hot drinks.” Jack excited cheered like a child, before flopping his head back into your comfortable pillows. You giggled and went turned back to your mirror. 

As you put the products in your hair and dried your (e/c) locks, your mind started to wander as you did the mindless tasks. Your thoughts naturally were about the Jack, reflecting on what just happened. After seeing him trying the face mask, despite not liking makeup and other beauty related things, him at least trying it makes you feel all warm. You’ve heard that one of the signs that a guy really loves you is that he becomes more open-minded around their significant other, willing to step out of their comfort zone for their lover. Jack had also shown some other signs that your relationship was serious, and very healthy, was that he pokes fun at you, allowing you to laugh together, pays attention to details about you, knowing you better than yourself, and so on. You’ve never felt this strongly about someone else before and you knew that what you felt with Jack was real. You could see a future with him, despite him being an immortal teenager. 

Anyway, you finally finished your hair and pulled on your previously picked out outfit, the baggy sweatpants feeling so soft against your hairless legs. “Can we have cocoa now?” Jack asked childishly, bright blue eyes full of childlike wonder. “Es, we can have hot cocoa.” Before you turn towards your door, Jack was already out the door, cheering happily as he literally flew down the stairs and into the kitchen. You just rolled your eyes with smile and followed the Guardian of Fun you loved so much. 

THE END

[bat-losers-inc]

Collisions in the Dark (Ch 9): Berserker

Summary: In the wake of some devastating news, Tim act out against Ra’s al Ghul in a very Jason-like fashion. 

Pairings: Jason Todd/Tim Drake & Tim Drake/Ra’s al Ghul & Jason Todd & Talia al Ghul

Chapter Notes: Berserker: A rash playing style characterized by frenzied attacking with one or two pieces, perhaps with little regard for strategy or danger

“This must be what love is: a pain so radiant it cuts through all others.” — “Beekeeping”, Sara Eliza Johnson.

Tim squeezed his eyes shut tight and tried to remember how to breathe. He wrapped his arms around his middle and felt the press of his chest against his forearms with every inhale he took. He stayed sitting that way in rigid silence until he’d convinced his body that he was still alive, despite the pain that thrummed in his chest.

Tim opened his eyes and stared at the floor. He could feel Ra’s presence behind him and the uncertain eyes of every worker in the room as they stared at the two of them in fearful silence. Tim knew that if he looked up at any one of them in that moment, he would see an earlier version of himself. It must have been what he’d looked like to Jason on that first night during dinner with Ra’s, where he was so afraid to attract the Demon Head’s eye that he scarcely looked in his direction, his eyes fixed on only Jason and his plate. Tim knew that he wasn’t that person anymore, he couldn’t be after being in Ra’s corrupting presence for so long.

“Clear the room.”

The silence was momentarily filled with the squeaking of chair wheels and the shuffle of footsteps. Tim watched their shadows slide across the floor tiles in front of him. He tilted his head, ear straining until he heard the door click shut behind the last man.

“Why did you do it?” Tim had to take a breath before saying it. He didn’t want to taste those words on his tongue… to hear the words ring in his own ears.

“Kill him,” Tim finished, hating the finality of it.

He gave a small abortive shake of his head, trying to slot Ra’s decision into some logical place in his mind. “You could have just sent him away. You won… he knew that you’d won. If you had told him to leave and never set his eyes on me again, he would have done it. So, why kill him?”

Ra’s moved forward until Tim thought he could almost see him out of the corner of his eye. “Jason was a distraction that needed to be eliminated. Permanently.”

Tim laughed. It hurt. “A distraction?”

“You and I both know that he would have lingered in the back of your mind if he still lived and breathed. Your focus would be elsewhere. I couldn’t afford to take that risk.”

Ra’s was right. As long as Tim had hope and the memory of their one night together, Tim wouldn’t be thinking of anyone else.

“And sending him to his death.” Tim turned to stare at him over his shoulder. “You didn’t think that would distract me? That it wouldn’t make me hate you?”

“You’ve always hated me,” countered Ra’s. There wasn’t any anger to his words, this was just an understanding that Ra’s had come to on his own.

Tim shook his head and pushed slowly to his feet. He turned around to address Ra’s properly. “No, I was afraid of you. There’s a difference. But now you’ve truly earned my hatred. You took him away from me.”

“No!” Barked Ra’s, some anger finally pushing through that cool demeanor. “He was taking you away from me. I was eliminating a threat. Protecting what’s mine!”

Tim’s anger flared and he didn’t bother to restrain himself. What did it matter anymore? Jason was alone and dying. The mission was done. He had no pretense to maintain anymore.

“I was never yours!” he roared. “Did you really think that any of it was real? That I could actually love you?  You don’t even know how to love.”

Tim panted, breath ragged. “I’ve seen your type before… the old bachelors at Bruce’s galas who come from old money and care only about flaunting it in everyone’s faces. You’re greedy and cold. You only want me to say that you have me. To show me off like I’m a trophy! Well, I am not your possession and I don’t love you. How many times do I have to flat-out reject you, before you understand that?”

Ra’s latched at his wrist, despite Tim’s delayed effort to pull his arm out of reach. Tim tugged futilely against his hold anyway, hating the feeling of being shackled, feeling like he did that first night when he woke up here, his wrist chained to the headboard.

“You could never make me not love you.” Ra’s declared. “Despite what you might be feeling right now, despite where you go in a month… a year from now. I will always search for you and try to prove my love to you.”

Tim’s mouth opened, but it took a moment before any words were ready on his tongue. “Is that romantic to you? Because it shouldn’t be. It feels more like a threat than a declaration of love.”

Ra’s smiled. “I guess it all depends on your mindset.”

Tim slipped his wrist slowly out of Ra’s, not yanking… no he didn’t want to make himself look like a threat. He was calm as he put more space in between them, pressing his back against the desk and planted his hands on the desktop for support.

“You want a declaration of love? How’s this… Even when he’s dead and buried in the ground, even when the bugs and rot have gotten to him and his face is unrecognisable from its former beauty, and he no longer holds the space in the back of everyone’s heads… even then I will still love Jason Todd more than I could ever love you.”

Once Tim said it out loud he knew it was true. There was nothing Ra’s could do to change that. No matter how hard he tried.

Ra’s smiled, there was anger there but also a fierce determination to change those facts to his favor. “Not even death will part us, Timothy. Not even—”

Tim couldn’t stand to listen to it anymore, knowing it was true. Despite his stubbornness and his devotion to Jason, Ra’s had an army and a lazarus pit on his side. Tim was never going to escape here.

In an unexplainable act of ,very Jason-like, suicide his hands found the wireless keyboard on the desk and he brought it around in a savage, two-handed swing. It collided with the side of Ra’s face, cracking in half on impact. Tim felt a rush of adrenaline at the knowledge that he’d caught Ra’s off guard. Ra’s stumbled, dazed, and fell to one knee.

Tim knew he couldn’t stop now. He dropped the broken remains of the keyboard and found another within reach, striking at Ra’s again, but the older man was ready this time, throwing up his arms to deflect the blow. Ra’s’ hands ripped the keyboard from Tim’s grip and chucked it across the room.

When Tim looked at Ra’s face, dripping blood into his left eye from a cut above his eyebrow, Ra’s’ face was caught in a mix of shock and anger. Tim believe he might have forgotten that his beloved “detective” held such rage in him. Tim was intent on reminding him.

He stepped in towards Ra’s and struck up with his knee. Ra’s snaked his arm around his leg and pulled, sending Tim crashing to the floor.

Then, Ra’s was over him, hands grasping for his arms to press them into the ground. Tim grit his teeth and pummeled the man with his knees and feet until he managed to kick Ra’s’ feet out from under him. Tim coughed as the air exploded out of his lungs at the extra weight on his chest, but planted his feet all the same and rolled both of them until he was on top.

Tim wasted no time in striked Ra’s in the face. Tim felt raw and unrepentant in his violent behavior. He thought at this moment that he might finally understand what Jason felt like when he was brawling in the dark alleyways against Gotham’s most notorious villains. Taking all of those emotions that had built up from nightmares and old, unhealed, wounds and releasing them through your fists. Feeling in that moment like you were overpowering it with the breaking of skin and the spray of blood.

Tim burrowed his knees and heels into Ra’s’ sides to prevent him from bucking him off. Ra’s was dazed and down but Tim knew him well enough to know that he was not out. Tim would not underestimate him again.

The commotion their brawl was making must have alerted Ra’s servants. It was hard to tear his gaze aware when that tunnel vision was starting up, but Tim looked up towards the far doors. He really shouldn’t have, the distraction was all Ra’s needed to strike. His hand shot up and grasped Tim’s neck like a vice.

Tim choked on a breath and dug his fingernails into the flesh of Ra’s’ hand, trying to pull one of his fingers back enough to dislocate it. Ra’s didn’t give him a chance, though, using his leverage to throw Tim off him.

Tim’s head cracked against the tiled floor, black spots dancing before his eyes. Tim blinked hard through his distorted gaze, shoving himself backwards even as his body urged him to stay still. He couldn’t see much, but he could make out basic shapes, like for example, the oblong shape which was Ra’s and was currently standing and moving towards him.

“I thought we’d gotten past this behavior, Detective.” Ra’s wiped at the blood that trailed from his nose.

Tim staggered to his feet and, with a cry, ran at him. They came together and traded short, sharp blows to each other’s head and torso. Tim’s world narrowed into jabs, blocks, and breaking grips. Ra’s arms clutched at Tim’s shoulders, yanking him in to deliver bruising thrusts of his knees to Tim’s sides. Tim took the beating and thrust his elbows down, breaking Ra’s grip on him. His kicked Ra’s in the stomach and then higher, across the face, sending him stumbling backwards. There was blood splattered across the floor.

Tim wanted to relish the breathing room he’d gained, but knew if he did then Ra’s would have the upper hand again. He actually wanted to figure out who had entered the room while he was getting his ass handed to him and if they were going to be a problem, but he could only deal with one problem at a time. He came at Ra’s kicking, striking at his shins and sides. He bounced back on the balls of his feet and came in again with a roundhouse kick with his opposite leg.

Ra’s trapped Tim’s leg against his hip and twisted. Tim collapsed as his balance was thrown off. The blows that rained down on him after that were quick and brutal, punching the air out of his lungs. Tim was on the floor again with Ra’s staring down at him, expecting Ra’s boot to come down on his face at any second and end this fight. Ra’s was prepared to fill that expectation, it seemed, and his leg rose.

Tim didn’t think that either of them were prepared for one of the men that had been hanging off to the side to come charging out of left field and knock Ra’s off his feet like a linebacker. Tim stared in shock at Ra’s as he slid across the tiles.

Hands were under Tim’s arms, dragging him up and backwards. Tim jerked back into awareness of his situation and tried to twist out of his attacker’s hold, but the man had ahold of his shirt and, short of undressing himself, he couldn’t get free.

“Stop fighting me. We’re on your side.” grunted the man pulling Tim towards the doors.

“What is the meaning of this!” Ra’s bellowed from across the room as three more men approached him, blocking his path towards Tim.

“Talia al Ghul sends her regards.”

Tim stopped struggling and allowed himself to be put on his feet. The same man that had been dragging Tim clutched his arm and pulled him through the hallways of the compound. Tim was aware of more men surrounding him, protecting him from all sides, but his mind was occupied with thoughts of Talia and the aid she had sent him.

He couldn’t understand why she would help him, until he thought about Ra’s and Jason’s deal. Talia hadn’t known about it. Only a day ago she had been urging Jason to flee and save himself, she wouldn’t have just gone along with a plan to martyr Jason. Well, she had definitely found out now and it seemed she wasn’t happy. Tim felt oddly proud that she had chosen his side over her own father’s.

“There’s a car fueled and waiting for you.” The man shoved a piece of paper into Tim’s hands. “You must find Jason Todd and take him to this location. You may find an ally there who could save Jason.”

Tim was out of breath and his thoughts were out of order with the whiplash speed that everything was changing at. Save Jason? There was a possibility he could still be saved? “But how do I get to him? He’s all the way in New York and I’m… here.”

Tim wasn’t entirely sure where here was, but he knew it was going to take a long flight to reach Jason. And Jason didn’t have that much time. Plus Tim had to worry about not spreading the anthrax poisoning to anyone else.

“I’m sorry but that’s for you to figure out.”

Tim was yanked to a stop as someone came charging around the corner, katana drawn. Tim was pressed against the wall, shielded bodily, as the adversary was cut down. As he was pulled along again he asked, “Why are you helping me?”

The man leading him spared him but a glance, his expression unknowable through the black fabric that covered everything but his eyes from view.

“We owe a debt to Talia from long ago. Now we are repaying her, even at the cost of our lives.”

They made it to the car park and stopped in from of a black sedan, the back seats packed full with food and camping gear.

“Exactly how far away is this place?” Asked Tim with mild concern.

“A days drive or more, but the demon’s head will be looking for you. Your travel time might be delayed if you are evading search parties and it won't be safe to stay the night in a town.”

The man handed the keys over and stepped aside to let Tim into the driver’s side. Tim slammed the door shut and spoke through the opened window. “Evading packs of ninjas. Sounds fun. Any advice?”

The man placed his hand against the side of the car and leaned in. “Drive fast. Very, very, fast.”

Tim blinked at him. “Right… That's reassuring.”

He turned the key in the ignition. The radio came to life, a foreign pop song thumping through the speakers. Tim was reminded of the last music he’d heard, a song sung by a boy in almost hushed tones to a scared little girl, separated from her mother.

“You need to leave. Now” The man urged with a glance back the way they’d come from, like he was expecting company at any moment.

“I can’t,” said Tim.

“You have to!”

“I need you to promise that you’ll do something for me. Free the scientist and his family. I don’t want them to suffer at Ra’s hands.”

The man considered it for a moment, before settling on the honest answer. “I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise anything.”

“You’re best is more than they had before, so… thank you.”

There was noise in the corridor. “You need to leave, right now.”

Tim put the car and reverse and made a quick two point turn out of the parking spot, he glanced back in the rearview mirror as he was driving away, the men that had rescued him were already turning, distracted by an influx of ninjas that burst into the car park. Tim hadn't expected to get a send off anyway.

As he was driving down the winding road that ran down the mountainside and away from the compound, Tim fumbled in his pocket for the comm that Jason had left him and placed it in his ear. He’d have to wait until he was a safe distance away before he could stop and find the correct line to call.

“Shouldn't you be calling the big man with the pointy ears for this?” The voice asked, full of concern. “I mean Ra’s al Ghul is usually a Justice League issue. Not a Young Justice issue.”

Tim was sitting with a laptop perched on his lap. The car he was driving was currently pulled off of the road and parked behind a patch of bushes, obscuring it from view.

“The Justice League is already handling the aftermath in New York. Besides… I need someone fast not someone qualified. Bart, please! I need to get Jason here as quick as possible.”

There was a long pause that had Tim biting his lip in concern.

“Alright,” Bart said, finally. “You said I’d find him in New York?”

“Check all the hospitals,” suggested Tim. “I don't know how much he was exposed to. He might have been checked into one of them with the other evacuees.”

“Be back in a flash.” Tim smiled, envisioning the wink that went with that phrase.

Tim pushed the driver’s side door open and got out of the car, eager to feel the cold air on his skin. He had driven far enough that there was no longer snow on the ground, but the temperatures towards the bottom on the mountain range were still chilly enough to require a durable jacket.

There was a gust of wind that was strong that the ones that had been blowing against the back of Tim’s neck just a minute ago. He almost dismissed it until he heard the snap of branches underfoot.

Tim turned and stared at the two figures that stood before him, one of whom was sagging sideways into the speedster. Tim’s breath caught. “Jason.”

[a-black-pegasus]

Monitered

Tony and Borrower! reader

Sentence 7: "I'm not a doll, you know. Stop treating me like one."

______________________________________________

"I'm not a doll, you know. Stop treating me like one." You grumbled.

Tony held you in his hands as he carried you to the living room for a movie. "I know, but it's faster, and safer for me to do this.

You sighed. Ever since three months ago when you had first met tony, he had been there, letting you eat his food, giving you access to his devices, and just being a friend. But lately he has been there to much.

He set you gently on the couch, as if you would break. You knew why he was acting like this, and you couldn't help but feel slightly to blame. A few weeks ago, you had nearly drowned; after messing around you fell into a laundry hamper, that had been quickly sent down the laundry shoot— and then almost dumped into the washing machine. You were gone for a good couple of solid hours, not even Friday knew were you were.

"Tony! Come on man..."

"What?" He asked. "I'm just making sure you're safe. Is that so bad?" He asked as he put a movie in.

"But I can walk on my own!"

He scooped you up, and held you over his lap. "I'm just trying to keep you safe (Y/N), that's all..."

You sighed. "This is way to far though! Look— you're not even letting me sit on the couch!" You pointed out.

Tony bit his lip. "Alright alright, I'll back off."

"Thank you." He opened his hand, and you crawled out. You bit your lip somewhat regretfully. You kinda didn't mind it when he held you, but still! Tony needed to let you do stuff. You walked to the other side of the couch, and crossed your legs.

***

That was only two nights ago. You had moved from your sleeping spot on the chair, to go get a drink of water. Before you even reached the counter, tony came out the elevator, half asleep.

"(Y/N)! Hey! Do you need something?" He yawned, rubbing his eyes. You stared at him in incredulity.

"I can't believe you! What? Do you have Friday watching my every move or something?!"

Tony's eyes widen. "Of course not! I'm not watching you! I just happen to be up."

You roll your eyes. "Friday! Is tony watching me?"

The A.I answers. "Only at night is the sparrows eye protocall activated (Y/N)."

You tilt your head and squint at tony from the floor. "What. The. Hell tony." You huff.

He sighs and bends down to pick you up, you jump back. "Don't! Don't touch me! I can't believe you watch me sleep!"

"I don't watch you sleep!" He insisted as you began climbing up the counter. "I only get an alert if you move two feet in any direction out if your normal sleeping zone."

"What?"

Tony ducked his head. "....its only 11:00 to 6:00..." He mumbled.

"That only makes it worse." You said pulling yourself over the counter side. "Tony, how do you think I survived, or just even got around before you?"

He doesn't say anything.

You sigh, and walk over to the faucet. "You know, I am really dissapionted. I'm not angry, just dissapionted." You stated.

Stark rolled his eyes. "You heard me use that on the kid didn't you?"

"If by kid, you mean Peter, your ward, slash prodigy, slash hopes and dreams— then yes." You pulled the faucet, turning on the water.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'll shut the protocol down. I'll completely throw it out— erase it! Demolish it!" He rambled. "Obliterate—"

"Tony!" You cut in. "Listen.." you came around, and walked out on the sink divider. "When you treat me like I can't do anything, I fell like you don't trust me." Reaching your arms out you took a handful of water, and sipped it.

Tony fidgeted. "I'm sorry (Y/N), Accidents happen... And I feel like one is about to happen right now."

You laughed. "Tony, I do this all the time, usually when you're gone." You took another drink. "How do you think I drank water?"

"I don't know." He mumbled, then scratched his beard. "How did you do all this without me noticing? I have cameras everywhere."

You grin slyly, and dart back to turn off the faucet. "I made a deal with Jarvis, but then he turned into a person." You shrugged.

Tony blinked. That was a weird couple few days. "Well what kind of deal?"

"Ah... I kinda threatened to pull out his cords if he told you about me."

"But, Jarvis is wireless."

You shrug. "I didn't know that! He also helped me avoid you, and helped me borrow." You shoot a look up at the ceiling. "Unlike Friday, who spy's on me!" You grumbled.

"My sincerest apologies." Friday apologized sounding almost sarcastic as she spoke like Jarvis.

"Yeah, yeah." You walk over to Tony's hand. "Hey."

"Hey."

You sit, crossing your legs, and grab his finger. "I trust you. I know you're just being protective. You do the same thing to Peter."

"No I don't." Tony denied.

"Pssh! Yeah you do! You called his suit camera the baby monitor!" You laugh, until a thought grows in your mind, and you slowly come to a stop. "Huh, I guess I should have considered that you might be spying on me earlier."

He huffed. "I... With Peter it's justified."

"You've got a problem Stark." You teased.

He snorted. "This coming from the person who threatened a wireless A.I."

You crossed your arms. "How the hell was I supposed to know?" You laughed.

"Yeah well, I guess Jarvis thought you weren't much of a threat." Tony snickered.

"Hey! I'm plenty threatening!"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Oh really? How?"

Your face burned, but you lifted your eyes to meet him. "Umm, I could bug you, all night long... I could sneak into your room and wake you up, mess with your tv, and just kinda talk your ear off."

He raised his eyebrow. "Oh? Is that it?"

"Y-yeah..." You had to look away as he chuckled.

"Well you're welcome to bug me anytime." He twitched his hand. "You... Want to come bug me now?"

Your face still burning, you ran up his arm to this shoulder. "Sure..." You mumbled. Tony pushed away from the counter and head for the elevator.

______________________________________________

Heyo! Hope y'all like this! Wasn't quite sure what I was doing lol.

@sammigruber @sammie-skele-turtle @gatlily @tiefling-trickery @nightmarejasmine @misfitsgalaxygt @obwjam @bee-wrecker @nerdqueenkat @tinyliltina @queenofconspiracies @dc41016

[a-butterfly-on-his-tummy]

When All Else Fails

“Bug! Bug!” Ethan hands open and shut as he makes the clear sign he wants his sister. Grace’s sparkly pink headphones sit on her head of curls as she watches the latest Pixar movie, Edwin, a story about a baby penguin. She must have heard her name because she looks over at her brother, pulling her headphones off her ears and letting them rest around her neck.

“Hi Eth, wanna come to bug?” She holds her arms out to her brother, signaling to you she is ready for you to pass the chunky 18 month old boy across the section between the two first class seats.

Ethan struggles hard against your arms, letting out a small fuss when you don’t allow him to go to his sister.

“Not now, Gracie! He will be all over the place. But thank you for being a helper.” You say to your daughter. The flight from London to NYC is long, but an hour into the flight from NYC to LA, and you and Harry are both exhausted.

Little monkey pants decided he didn’t want to sleep, and was either crying, climbing, fussing, or wiggling throughout the entire flight.

“Five more hours to go.” You say under your breath, trying your best to stay calm and keep your frustration low.

“Mum, Eth can come sit and watch a movie with me!” Grace tries again, attempting to be helpful by offering her services as a certified big sis.

“It’s alright Gracie bug! Watch your show okay?” Grace shrugs her shoulders and places her headphones back on her head. You reach into the leather bag by your feet and pull out a red car, handing it to Ethan. He takes it in his hand, looks over it once and lets it fly. The car rolls down the aisle, making you groan in slight frustration.

“Time fo’ man time?” Harry looks up from his notebook, forehead crinkled with a question. You don’t speak, just nod. “Alright Stud, come to daddy!” Harry stands from his seat across the aisle, taking the little one from your arms. You mouth a silent thank you as Harry kisses your forehead and takes Ethan to his seat, sitting him on his lap.

“Alright buddy, can you see the clouds? Look out the window!” Harry’s voice comes off as overly excited as he attempts to sell this majestic view of the sky to his son.

“Vrmmm.” Ethan says, as he flies his hand through the air, mimicking an airplane flying through the sky.

“Is that like an airplane? Are we riding on an airplane?” Harry asks Ethan, who has now decided he is done looking out the window. Arching his back, he tries to slide out of Harry’s grasp. Pushing the air out of his mouth, a small frustrated whine escapes. This move is unexpected and Harry catches Ethan late in the game, but decides it’s okay if he wants to walk in the tiny pod space for a minute.

“He doesn’t want to stay still, does he?” You say to your husband, chuckling slightly, mostly because you are tired and also because you are amazed little Eth hasn’t fallen asleep yet.

“No, he doesn’t!” Harry laughs as he places his leg in such a way so Ethan cannot escape into the first class cabin. Ethan pushes his father’s leg, trying to get it to move, but Harry stands firm.

“Go da-da!” Ethan pushes hard again, wanting Harry to move. Ethan drops to the floor, thinking if he can crawl through the hole he can escape the trap Harry has created. As Ethan presses forward, Harry moves his leg back, trapping him in once again. “No da-da!” Ethan starts to cry. Frustrated that he cannot get out of this small contained space. “Bug! Da-da! Bug!” Ethan points towards Grace, indicating that he wants his 6 year old sister. Grace looks up from her coloring book and makes eye contact with Harry.

“Ethan can come color with me!” Grace is excited to show her parents that she can help with him too. “Come on Eth! You can sit by me!” Grace pats her seat, hopeful her parents will give in and let her try.

“Grace, he is a lot to handle right now. I’m sorry!” Harry says, blocking his son again with his leg as Ethan lets out a loud wail.

“Come ‘ere!” Harry lifts him up onto his lap, and motions for a toy. You hand him a book full of touch and feel animals. “Look Stud, daddy sees a soft kitty!”

“Titty!” Ethan is distracted by the book, petting his stubby fingers against the fur on the kitty on the page. “Da-da, titty!” Ethan’s smile creates mini crinkles by his eye as he points towards the cat.

“Yes. Kitty!” Harry grabs Ethan’s wrist, moving his whole hand across the picture, petting the cat. Turning the page, Harry continues to distract. “Let’s see, can yeh find the porcupine? It’s spiky!” Harry takes Ethan’s hand in his and touches the spikes on the back of the animal.

“Ow!” Ethan pulls his hand back, not liking the pokes. He inches his hand close to the picture again, thinking it will feel different this time. Once again the pokes slightly prick his finger. “Ow ow ow!” Ethan says. “Diss?” Holding his finger up to his daddy’s lips, Harry gives him a kiss and they turn the page.

Harry is able to distract Ethan for about thirty minutes, exploring the different animals and textures they have to offer. The air hostess brings around snacks and Ethan is happy to eat some goldfish crackers. After his crackers are all gone, the exhaustion hits him hard.

“Maybe try singing to him; that might help.” You say, looking over at your husband helplessly. Ethan is bawling and nothing is working; he doesn’t want to be held, but when Harry puts him on the ground he cries to be picked up. The sadness and pure exhaustion of being on an airplane for 10 hours has hit the poor little man and it hurts your heart.

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see All your life You were only waiting for this moment to be free Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night”

Harry’s voice is soft as he holds Ethan tight to his chest. Rocking softly to the beat, Harry attempts to calm the cries from his son. After multiple attempts, Ethan takes his burp cloth, chewing on the corner in an effort to calm himself down like he has done since he was three months old. His cries become softer as he listens to the deep, raspy melody coming from his daddy.

“Want me to hold him? We can watch a movie! You’ve had him for a while.” You say to your husband who looks absolutely exhausted. You still have about two more hours on this flight, and Harry needs rest before his big day at the Emmys tomorrow.

“Sure! Wan’ to go to mumma?” Harry looks down at Ethan whose cries are now soft whimpers, but is holding strong on his commitment to not sleep. Kissing his son’s forehead, Harry stands up and places him in your arms. You find the movie Cars and place a pair of blue wireless headphones on his ears.

Cuddling in close with your baby, you close your eyes, hoping he will watch the movie and maybe give into his fatigue. His body cuddles close as he chews quietly on his burpee, eyes glued to the screen.

Your body doesn’t hold out for very long, and soon you are asleep holding your baby boy. Grace looks over at her daddy, noticing his snores from across the airplane. She moves her head to her mumma who has her eyes closed and looks like she is sleeping. Ethan makes eye contact with his sister. Looking across the way to the place he wanted to go all along.

“Eth, come to bug?” Grace’s voice is soft, but loud enough that Ethan hears what she is saying. Climbing across his mum, and over the consol that separates the two pods, Ethan reaches his sister’s arms, cuddling close.

“You want Bob?” Grace asks, holding up her stuffed sheep. Ethan grabs the sheep from her hands and pulls it close to his body, taking the once in a life opportunity to hold his sister’s best friend. Grace pulls Ethan close to her, and places her blanket over both of them, cuddling her brother close. “Time to go sleep, okay?” Ethan looks up at Grace, his eyelids struggling to stay open.

“Now run along home, and jump into bed. Say your prayers. Don’t cover your head. There’s just one more thing I ask of you. You dream of me, and I’ll dream of you!”  Grace finishes the goodnight song with a small tap on Ethan’s nose. His eyes finally give in as he falls asleep, cuddling next to his sister.

“Goodnight, Eth. Sissy loves you butterfly much!” She kisses his forehead and cuddles close. Closing her eyes, she falls asleep. The rest of the airplane ride is quiet as the whole Styles family has sweet dreams.

A/N: A huge and massive thank you to the best beta around. @whoopsharrystyles you deserve the world and I love you. Check out my Masterlist and Wattpad page. Thank you for reading, liking, reblogging, recommending and commenting. I love you all!

[necromantic13]

[2] Moira O’Deorain - Digging

Part 2 of my blisteringly vindictive Sombra vs. Moira Widowmaker revenge fiction. I guess that’s the official tagline now.

You can read Part 1 here. Realistically, this is probably Part 0, although likely unnecessary aside from keeping my own headcanon straight.

Science babes dance.

“What did you need?”

“Azúcar.”

“It’s here,” Widowmaker said, nonchalantly sipping her coffee with one hand while holding the cup of sugar out of Sombra’s reach with the other. Seeming to just notice Sombra struggling to grab it, she feigned concern. “I’m sorry, cherie - is it too high for you?”

“Araña, why are you being so mean? Gimme some sugar,” Sombra whined, her halfhearted attempt at reaching for the sugar ending in a gentle kiss on the spider’s lips. “Got it,” she smirked.

“Your puns are terrible,” Widow replied through a small smile. Relenting at last, she handed Sombra the ceramic dish. It was filled to the brim with miniature brown crystals - some “natural” sweetener Akande, for whatever reason, insisted they use. Sombra wasn’t picky so long as she could turn her coffee into a candy bar.

Sombra took it and set it on the table next to them, pressing her forehead against the spider’s chest for a moment. It was so rare that she joked, she didn’t even mind being the one abused in the process.

“Couch date? You can read dumb books while I infect Gabriel’s computer with malware?” Sombra asked, looking up. Widowmaker raised an eyebrow, reaching a hand out to brush her hair behind her ear when they were distracted by the sound of another body entering their space.

“Good morning,” Moira said, stepping into the kitchen. Sombra pushed herself out of Widowmaker’s embrace, swiping the sugar from the counter and dumping a solid two spoonfuls into her mug in an effort to avoid the woman’s penetrating stare.

“Hey,” Sombra said, stirring her drink and leaning against the counter. “There’s coffee.”

“Mmm, none for me, thank you,” Moira replied, instead reaching for a bag of loose leaf tea. “A jittery hand with a scalpel often ends poorly.”

A joke, clearly, but a passing glance at Widowmaker showed her face blank and drawn in a way Sombra recognized as uncomfortable. She took another long sip of her drink. “I hack faster when I’m shaking.”

Moira made a soft sound of disapproval, filling up the old silver teapot they kept on the stove and setting it over one of the burners. “We all have our methods, I suppose.”

Sombra rolled her eyes. She was going to choke on all that pretentiousness eventually.

“How are you feeling, Amélie?” Moira asked, turning her attention to the sniper as her water boiled. She was the only one Widowmaker didn’t correct in regards to her name. It annoyed Sombra deeply, and made her even more curious as to the nature of their preexisting relationship.

“I don’t feel, Moira,” the spider replied, stirring her coffee and sending a fleeting look toward Sombra. “That’s the point, isn’t it?” Mug in hand, she exited the room a bit more quickly than usual, brushing past Moira on her way and leaving Sombra alone with the red-headed woman.

“I wonder what bug’s in her bonnet?” Moira chuckled, the look on her face suggesting she knew exactly what manner of discomfort Widowmaker was suffering.

“She doesn’t like being called Amélie,” Sombra replied cooly, wondering if picking a fight was wise. It was rare she listened to her voice of reason, but it persisted in offering advice regardless.

“My dear,” Moira said, chuckling as she eyed Sombra like one might a precocious child, “Amélie doesn’t like anything. She doesn’t dislike anything. Any emotional response she may have can be chalked up to random happenstance and electrical impulses.” The teapot began to whistle, and she switched off the heat to quiet it. Raising an eyebrow at Sombra’s cybernetics, Moira made a small sound of interest. “You understand the nature of technobiology, yes?” she asked, lifting the pot off the burner.

“Un poquito,” Sombra answered, her hold on the anger welling within her loosening by the second.

“Then you must know she’s a blank slate. An empty data chip, if you will.” Laughing, she waved a hand flippantly in the air. “It’s up to people us to write the code. Scientists; those with a clear vision of the future and the sacrifices that must be made in order to achieve it.” Her words were callous in a way that indicated malicious intent; a desire to needle past Sombra’s skin and elicit some sort of reaction to her words.

Sombra said nothing.

“Come,” she said, and to Sombra's dismay, gestured for her to sit down as she poured her tea and walked toward the dining room table.

I've danced with worse, she thought to herself, sitting across from her at the kitchen table. Besides - far be it for her to decline an invitation at picking the brain of someone whose life history she fully intended on tearing from Talon’s database. The more she knew of a person’s motives, the easier it was to ascribe context and intent to their past actions.

“You have impressive cybernetics,” Moira said, keen eyes expressing a level of interest that made Sombra feel like she was being dissected on a cold slab.

“You too,” she replied, tossing the compliment back at the geneticist while explicitly avoiding offering any details as to their nature. Eyeing the silver strands embedded in the scientist’s right hand, she extrapolated on the use for someone in Moira’s field. “Dexterity support?”

Moira chuckled, sipping her jasmine green. “Cinnte, they are, at least in part. My work is more involved than slicing up frogs and dead cats.” Leaning forward, she looked at Sombra closely. “Have you had any genetic alterations done?” Her eyes traveled down the implants in her wrists and along her skull. “I can help you increase your kinetic output; maximize the impact of your investment.”

“I do fine on my own,” Sombra replied, ignoring the faint twinge of curiosity at the woman's words. Moira was a Venus fly trap, and she wasn’t about to walk into her poison maw to satisfy her love of innovative tech. Not this time, at least.

She wondered if Gabriel had been given a choice.

Moira nodded, canting her head in curiosity. “I don't know you well, Sombra, but I can tell you're no fool. I don't know what the others have told you,” she said, standing with her mug in hand. “But I'm not the enemy.”

Holding out an olive branch in the form of an extended hand, she waited for the hacker’s response. It was slow in coming, but eventually she stood up and accepted. Her grip was firm and authoritative, and Sombra met it with her own unspoken challenge.

“I look forward to learning from you,” Sombra said, smiling through false deference.

“And I look forward to learning what makes you tick.”

She met Widowmaker upstairs by one of the many sunlit alcoves, curled against a nest of pillows on a patterned couch, eyes scanning the words of the page she was reading.

“Good?” Sombra asked, peering at the back of the book for context. There was none to be found in the plain, olive drab cover, faint lines of text scrawled too small for her to see without effort she wasn’t willing to spend.

The spider seemed distant, but she nodded in affirmation. “As good as any of Camus’s works,” she replied, making space for Sombra to sit next to her. “Do you have work to do?” she asked as the hacker summoned her hard light interface before her.

“Work?” she replied quizzically, contemplating her response. A row of neon binary raced across the lines of her palm, her cybernetics quickly translating it to readable text as she activated the wireless upload she’d hacked into Moira’s hand when they’d parted ways in the kitchen. “Sure,” she said, a slow grin crossing her face. “I think we can call it that.”

Want more? Head over to Part Three. If you like this, maybe check out Glitch in the System for more spiderbyte!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

BOING BOING GIFT GUIDE 2017

Here's this year's complete Boing Boing Gift Guide: dozens of great ideas for stocking stuffers, brain-hammers, mind-expanders, terrible toys, badass books and more. Where available, we use Amazon Affiliate links to help keep the world's greatest neurozine online.

Gadgets + Gear

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Books + Music

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Home + Kitchen

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Toys + Games

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Naughty + Nice

Gadgets

CORY

Edu-Toys Night 'n Day Mechanical GlobeElenco's Night 'n Day Mechanical Globe uses a system of translucent, exposed gears to rotate an internally illuminated globe that displays the seasonally adjusted, real-time night/day terminator as it spins.[Read More]

BUY

XENI

iPhone 8 PlusNow on its eighth numbered generation, the iPhone remains my entire creative studio and almost everything I need to do my work: it replaces my fancy camera, my audio gear and everything else I had to lug around. This thing really is everything. I go big on screen size and storage capacity, with that in mind: the Plus, and 128 GB.

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DAVID

Audio Technica AT-LP60Forget those vinyl-destroying, vintage-inspired all-in-one units. They're all crap. The Audio Technica AT-LP60 is a fantastic beginner (or revivalist) turntable for the price. Its built-in pre-amp means all you need to do is plug it any powered speakers with an audio input.You won't find a better turntable than this for under $100 unless you hit the second-hand market.

BUY

MARK

Flitt Flying Pocket Selfie Camera Drone ($100)I honestly didn't expect that this tiny fold-up drone would perform as well as it does. It does a great job of hovering in place, and is easy to control with a smart phone. It's the first drone I can fly without crashing it into a wall or getting it stuck in a tree.

BUY

ROB

Kano Computer KitBuild your own computer and learn to code art, music, apps, games and more with the Kano Computer Kit, an introduction to the bare metal you just won't get with crap-laden commercial machines. Hundreds of schools use them, and Includes everything you need, including the Pi that acts as its brain, case, speaker, wireless keyboard, RAM, and cables. And unlike most edumuacational computer gear, it looks absolutely cool as heck.

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JASON

An airbag for your motorcyclistDo you love your motorcyclist? This simple, tether activated airbag inflates less than .10 of a second after a rider becomes separated from their bike. Helping to secure the neck, and protect the torso and internal organs, the Helite Turtle, is a top choice for next-generation motorcycle safety.

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DAVID

Kindle E-reader loaded with free classicsFor $50, the entry-level Kindle E-reader is priced right, and comes in black or white! This model has a 6” display and the battery lasts for ages between charges. (If you want to get fancy, go for the Kindle Paperwhite with a built-in reading light so you don't bug bedmates.) Load it with free classic books from Project Gutenbergbefore gifting!

BUY

MARK

Igloohome Deadbolt2 ($238)The Igloohome Deadbolt2 has a programmable keypad instead of a keyhole. It took me about 20 minutes to install on my door. You can send your friends or other people single-use PINs. The smartphone app can also be set so the door unlocks when you touch the keypad - no PIN needed.

BUY

MARK

Mixcder Wireless & Wired Over Ear Headphones ($80)I bought these relatively inexpensive headphones for my daughter, who wanted wireless headphones for when she paints and sculpts. These are comfortable, have good sound quality, and pair easily with an iPhone.

BUY

MARK

PacSafe Transit Travel Hoodie ($130)The thing I like about this pocket-covered hoodie is that the interior pockets have little line drawings indicating what you should put in them - pen, eyeglasses, tablet computer, phone, passport, earbuds, wallet, etc. I like having a garment that tells me what to do, it keeps life simple while traveling.

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ROB

Elf ear earbudsOnce hard to find, these low-end but unique earbuds are now at Amazon. For elves who can't quit their record collection even for a moment, they're still, sadly, only available in lily white. But cheap, at just $13.

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ROB

Raspberry Pi 3 Model BThe best $35 you can spend on a wee yet straightforward and accessible barebones computer, Raspberry's Pi is now in its third generation and lives atop a vast and growing ecosystem of accessories, cases and general craziness to have fun with. The latest flagchip model has a 1.2GHz 64-bit quad-core CPU with twice the Pi 2's performance, integrated WiFi and Bluetooth, and backward compatibility with earlier models.

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XENI

Black & Decker CHV1410L 16-volt Lithium Cordless Dust Buster Hand VacStill the best selling hand vac for keeping your office, home, workshop or hackerspace tidy. CHV1410L has strong suction, and a bagless dirt bowl that's easy to see and empty. Holds a charge for up to 18 months when it's off the charger. High efficiency Lithium ion chargers protect it by automatically shutting off when the battery is charged, so you can store it on the charger.

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ROB

ArduboyBeautiful 1-bit graphics in your wallet! Arduboy is an open-source platform to create and share games and the hardware is made to the dimensions of a business card. Best of all, this tiny toy is only $50. Want more? The PocketChip, at $70, plays Pico-8 games with a dazzling 16 colors; the dev community is more mature and there are countless games already.

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ROB

Second-gen Apple iPad Pro 12.9-inchWith the lastest 12.9" model I've changed my mind about Apple's biggest iPad. Its unmatched pencil latency and powerful processor leave Microsoft (and even Wacom) trailing, while markedly improved third-party applications make Photoshop less critical, at least for me. Finally.

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Books and Media

MARK

The EC Artists Library Slipcase (Vol 3 $54)This high quality box set of four hardbound books has 904 pages of the very best comics of the 1950s. Volume one of this series is out of print and sells for over $250. Volume three is just $54. With art by greats like Wally Wood, Joe Orlando, John Severin, and George Evans, this set is a must-have for comic book aficionados.

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CORY

Canadaland Guide to Canada (Published in America), by Jesse Brown and friendsBrown finds plenty of hilarious awfulness in Canada's past and present, especially in the way that Canadians talk about themselves when they expect Americans might be listening to them. From Justin Trudeau (who talks about refugees abandoned by Trump but takes no action to improve their lot, because he's too busy taking away the citizenship rights of naturalised Canadians with objectionable politics, greenlighting climate-destroying pipelines for the Tar Sands, and making the most of the sweeping surveillance powers he promised he'd abolish after taking office) to Rob Ford to Quebec separatism and the long, deplorable traditions of drunken, racist Canadian leaders who are remembered as wise, even-handed leaders, Brown punctures ever bubble that Canadians have ever blown over the border toward our American cousins.

I laughed aloud at many of these jokes, and they got under my skin, in just the same way that a perfect Samantha Bee rant will. This is a book of weaponised jokes about a country that has spent more than a century burnishing its credentials by blithely asserting its moral and temperamental superiority to its erratic and flamboyant southern neighbour -- and every shot hits its mark. [Read more]

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CORY

Briggs Land Volume 1: State of Grace, by Brian WoodStories matter: the recurring narrative of radical Islamic terror in America (a statistical outlier) makes it nearly impossible to avoid equating "terrorist" with "jihadi suicide bomber" -- but the real domestic terror threat is white people, the Dominionists, ethno-nationalists, white separatists, white supremacists and sovereign citizens who target (or infiltrate) cops and blow up buildings. That's what makes Brian Wood's first Briggs Land collection so timely: a gripping story of far-right terror that is empathic but never sympathetic.

Briggs Land builds on the empathic -- but not sympathetic -- portrayals of far-right separatists in Wood's seminal graphic novel DMZ. It's timely: the Trump era has been a moment of uneasy glory for white nationalists and their fellow travelers, who, having long craved the spotlight, aren't entirely sure what to do with it.

Briggs Land is also in development as an AMC TV series, further evidence of its zeitgeisty nature. Being a Brian Wood comic, it's also gripping as hell, a nonstop crime novel that involves rogue FBI agents, ruthless skinheads, closet racists and overt ones, doting parents who also happen to be unspeakable monsters. [Read More]

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CORY

Kindred (Graphic Novel), adapted from the novel by Octavia ButlerKindred is the story of Dana, an African-American writer married to a white man in 1976, who finds herself being violently yanked through time and space to the side of her distant ancestor, Rufus, the son of an enslaver who lives on a plantation in antebellum Delaware. Rufus -- a self-destructive, traumatized and spoiled child -- periodically puts himself in mortal danger, and when he does, Dana is torn from 1976 to save him, and is stranded in the violent, totalitarian south until she experiences mortal terror, whereupon she returns to her present, only moments after she left. Luckily for Dana, mortal terror is a commonplace occurance for black people in Delaware in the 19th century.

Dana's relationship to Rufus, and to Rufus's freeborn, African-American friend Alice -- whom Dana knows to be her ancestress -- is wrenching and claustrophobic, as she is enlisted to help Rufus sexually assault and eventually enslave Alice, revealing the deep violence lurking in Dana's own distant past.

For many years, Dana and her white husband, Kevin, are stranded in history, together and separately, and this affords Butler a chance to add yet more nuance to her tale, weaving in the point of view, privileges and horror of a white ally who, nevertheless, enjoys a measure of safety his black wife cannot claim.

The graphic novel adaptation is extremely faithful to the Butler novel, and does brilliant things with color-palettes, using different tones to demark the present and past, and also the belowstairs and abovestairs places in the lives of the enslaved people. The lines are vigorous and rough, conveying emotion and urgency.[Read More]

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MARK

The Magic Machine: A Handbook of Computer Sorcery ($4)This 1990 BASIC programming book is long out-of-print, but is still valid and a great way to explore fractals and artificial life. I loved this book when it came out and just bought a replacement for my lost copy. Use copies are cheap on Amazon. Get it for a smart kid in your life.

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DAVID

Voyager Golden RecordIn 1977, NASA launched two spacecraft, Voyager 1 and 2, on a grand tour of the solar system and into the mysteries of interstellar space. Attached to each ofthese probes is a beautiful golden phonograph record containing the story of our planet expressed in music, sounds, images, and science. It’s a message for any extraterrestrial intelligence that might encounter it. And now you can experience on Earth as a lavish 3xLP Box Set or 2xCD-Book edition.

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DAVID

The Photographs Of Charles Duvelle - Disques OCORA And Collection PROPHETDecades before the term "world music" became common parlance, Charles Duvelle was traveling the globe recording the sounds and sights of indigenous people around the world. To enable us see the world through Duvelle's eyes, Sublime Frequencies' Hisham Mayet in collaboration with Duvelle released this magnificent tome contains field photographs from 1959-1978, a deep interview, a report he prepared for Unesco in 1978, and two CDs of music that will move you.

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DAVID

Art Sex Music by Cosey Fanni TuttiThe stunning memoir of musician, artist, and cultural provocateur Cosey Fanni Tutti is a must-read for anyone interested in the history of avant-garde music, performance art, underground culture, radical living, and female empowerment. Best known as co-founder of pioneering industrial groups Coum Transmissions and Throbbing Gristle (famously called “wreckers of civilisation” by a British MP), Cosey has also explored the fringes of sex, music, and creativity as a pornographic model, video artist, electronic composer, and, yes, writer. This is her story so far and it’s a doozy.

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DAVID

Little Book of Wonders: Celebrating the Gifts of the Natural World by Nadia DrakeNational Geographic contributor Nadia Drake’s science writing sings with knowledge, rigor, and her own infectious curiosity. This slim and delightful book is no exception. A lovely miniature wunderkammer of Earth’s magical places, startling phenomena, and amazing wildlife, it pairs beautiful photos with Nadia’s poetic and informative captions that spark the imagination and instill a sense of wonder about our world.

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DAVID

Dalí: The Wines of GalaFirst published in 1978, Salvador Dalí’s The Wines of Gala is a stunning and strange guide that groups wines “according to the sensations they create in our very depths” such as “Wines of Frivolity,” “Wines of the Impossible,” and “Wines of Light.” Featuring more than 140 of Dalí’s surrealist illustrations, this is the most bizarre, sensual, and sensational book about viticulture and libations that you’ll ever experience.

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CORY

THEFT: A History of Music, by James Boyle and Jennifer JenkinsTheft traces millennia of musical history, from Plato's injunction against mixing musical styles to the outrage provoked by the troubadours who appropriated sacred music and turned it into bawdy songs about wanting to have sex with hot teenagers (a trick Ray Charles repeated hundreds of years later!); from the racist outrage over rock and roll's challenge to white supremacy to the fights over sampling and the exploitation of African-American musicians who were ripped off 40 years ago versus the interests of their musical progeny whose sample-based music has been distorted and even outlawed by the same musical corporations that screwed the R&B artists, in the name of defending those artists (!).

Jenkins and Boyle are two of the staunchest defenders of fair use and remixing -- their first comic, Bound by Law, was a kind of Understanding Comics for the legalities of fair use -- and it shows: Theft is as laden with visual, textual and musical references as a Dizzy Gillespie solo, an early Public Enemy wall-of-sound, an illegal Girl Talk mashup.[Read More]

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CORY

The Free, by Lauren McLaughlinIsaac West is a mixed-race kid who never knew his dad; he and his sister have raised their alcoholic, abusive mother as much as she's raised them. But Isaac has a plan: his little sister Janelle is smart, better than he'll ever be, and he's going to get her out of their mutual hellhole and into a private school -- and to make that happen, he's graduated from petty theft into grand theft auto, under the supervision of his high-school auto-shop teacher, a cut-rate Fagin who trains and oversees a gang of junior car thieves.

It's this teacher who insists that Isaac should plead guilty to beating a man comatose in a car-heist that went wrong, though the kid who actually did the beat-down was the teacher's cousin, a hulking giant of a kid who has already got a conviction under his belt and faces being tried as an adult if he goes down.

For Isaac, it's an easy choice: spend 30 days in juvie, complete his rehab program, and in return, he'll get enough to send Janelle off to private school. All he has to do is survive, and he's been doing that all his life.

From here, McLaughlin has all the elements for a tight, claustrophobic novel that veers between the terror and camaraderie of incarceration; the brutally honest drama therapy group that Isaac must attend if he's to be released; the mounting danger to his sister and all of the repressed feelings and guilt that weigh Isaac down.

While there's some revenge and redemption here, mostly what there is is unblinking reality, a willingness to confront the impossible without denying it. The kids in Isaac's world are in trouble, and that trouble isn't going to get better for most of them, and maybe not for Isaac. Some of those kids are pretty terrible, but even at their worst, they're still kids, and still rounded people with their own virtues and stories.

I don't know when I've read a more empathic novel, and it's been a long time since I read one that was more sorrowful and joyful at the same time. [Read More]

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ROB

The Complete Elfquest Vol. 4Fresh out in November, this volume contains some of the most exquisite and touching episodes of Wendy and Richard Pini's Elfquest saga, a great alternative to genre fantasy and its grim 'n' gritty modern counterparts. One of America's best indie comics, it's illustrated by Wendy's wonderful artwork – even at its most lighthearted, unanswerable questions of identity, family and freedom lurk between the lines. (Newcomers should not feel they have to start at the beginning, but it sure helps.)

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CORY

The Hardware Hacker: Adventures in Making and Breaking Hardware, by Andrew "bunnie" HuangThe book draws heavily on Huang's own hardware projects, which have included substantial manufacturing in south China, with many hard-won lessons about how things can go wrong and how to make them go right. This is more than a checklist or memoir: it's nothing less than a masterclass in modern manufacturing, and even if you never plan on manufacturing anything, reading these chapters will explain the material world around you like few other texts.

This dovetails neatly into a meditation on the differences between Western and Chinese approaches to "intellectual property" and the way this has informed the manufacturing processes whose outflows are all around us. In these chapters, Huang proves himself to be a thoughtful and incisive critic of law as well as technology, and the thorny questions he raises show up the normal discussion on these subjects up for a shallow scrape over the surface of something deep and difficult.

Huang uses these broad legal and technical passages as a foundation for the second half of the book, which lay out the detective work that Huang did to realize his various hardware challenges, from stick-on soft circuits to an insanely clever device that circumnavigates the law through tight and unsuspected secret creeks that allow him to enter territory that no engineer has ever seen by legal means.

The book concludes with its most speculative and future-looking chapter: a disquisition on the similarities (and differences) between computational bioscience and hardware hacking, based on his work with his "perlfriend" -- his perl-hacking, bioscientist girlfriend -- on hacking genomes. [Read More]

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CORY

New York 2140, by Kim Stanley RobinsonIt's 2140 and trillions of dollars' worth of the world's most valuable real estate is now submerged under fifty feet of water, resulting from two great "surges" where runaway polar melting created sudden, punctuated disasters that displaced billions of people, wiped trillions off the world's balance sheets, and turned the great cities of the world into drowned squatter camps.

But it's 2140, and the cities are coming back. The combination of financial speculation, desperate refugees willing to do anything to find shelter, and new technological innovations are spawning "SuperVenice"s where boats replace cars and high-rises connect to each other with fairytale skybridges, and pumped-out subway stations become underwater leisure clubs. No SuperVenice is more super than New York City, where the boats ply midtown Manhattan's skyscrapers and everything from Chelsea down is an intertidal artificial reef where, every now and again, hundreds of squatters die as the buildings topple.

The forces of finance are deeply interested in the intertidal zones. These great cities were once the world's ultimate luxury products and now they're marine salvage, waiting to be dredged up from the tidal basins, dusted off and monetized. Yeah, there's millions of inconvenient poors hanging out in them, but they're a market failure, producing suboptimal rents on some seriously distressed assets that need a little TLC, capital infusion, and ruthless securitization to bring them back.

Robinson is a master of turning stories about zoning disputes and local politics into gripping, un-put-down-able adventure tales (his novel Pacific Edge remains the most uplifting book in my library). New York 2140 is a spectacular exemplar of the tactic: the financial shenanigans form a backdrop for submarine drone-wars, black-ops kidnappings, private security assassinations, non-state actor cyberwar and economic terrorism, buried treasure hunting, and big, muscular technologies from giant dredging barges to aerosolized diamond sprays. [Read More]

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WAKE UP!, by Rick Lieder and Helen FrostLife is a continuing cycle of newness, then growth, and then gone: then birth and growth again. Photographer Rick Lieder started thinking about that theme of new life and new beginnings several years ago, and WAKE UP!, published by Candlewick Press, is the result. Working with his collaborator, poet Helen Frost, our book is about opening eyes—our own, first—and pointing to the world that’s right here, containing us all. Helen and rick are both based in the US Midwest, so we started there, with a world that we didn’t need to travel far to explore, only wake up enough to actually see. [Read More]

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Penguin Galaxy Boxed Set, introduced by Neil GaimanLast October, Penguin released its Galaxy boxed set, a $133 set of six hardcover reprints of some of science fiction's most canonical titles: The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K LeGuin; Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A Heinlein; 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C Clarke; Dune by Frank Herbert; The Once and Future King by TH White; and Neuromancer, by William Gibson.

The series is curated and introduced by Neil Gaiman, whose essay on the charm and value of science fiction appears at the start of each of the handsome volumes. It's a fine essay, placing each book in its historical context, and turning a writerly eye to their construction and techniques, as well as some of the memoir that makes Gaiman essays such fine reads (see, for example, his 2016 essay collection The View From the Cheap Seats).

As nice as that essay is, it's eclipsed by the gorgeous design, courtesy of Spanish designer Alex Trochut, whose impressive CV includes a Grammy nomination for Best Recording Package. Trochut does away with fussy book-jackets and prints his titles straight onto the books' boards in stylized, embossed gold leaf type -- with clever type-art for every cover. [Read More]

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Brutal London: Construct Your Own Concrete CapitalBrutal London: Construct Your Own Concrete Capital tells the stories of nine of London's greatest brutalist structures (with an intro by Norman Foster!), including the Barbican Estate, Robin Hood Gardens, Balfron Tower and the National Theatre -- and includes pull-out papercraft models of these buildings for you to assemble and display. [Read More]

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SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL v.1: Earth Girl Made Easy, by Cecil CastellucciLoma Shade, as her own unique character, was a way of being steeped in the world of Shade the Changing Man, while being its own thing. Some people say that Shade the Changing Girl seems to be a direct sequel of the Milligan run. I say not so. I’ve always approached it as a kind of side-quel. Creator Cecil Castellucci wanted to take care to have nods and echoes to them both, but to be able to stand narratively on its own. It was a way of striking out in a new direction while plucking elements from the Ditko original and the Milligan run.

Our Shade the Changing Girl is a way of changing the changing.

The body of a teenage girl was a great place to start that change. The body of bully was the way to take it to the next level. The idea of a real alien, who moves like a bird in human form was the best way to express it. Add in Marley Zarcone’s wongld. They are blooming and bursting with feelings and big body changes. They are confident and awkward. They are experimenting with identity. They are constantly changing.

When we are teenagers, we are figuring out how to become who we are. To throw down and figure out what it really means to be human and to break free from our parents and to think for our selves. This is why Castellucci loved writing Shade, because as an alien, she mirrors our own growth in this world. She can see the quotidian with eyes that we can’t see the world with. She has to figure out how to transform herself from who she was to who she isn’t. And through her we dive deep into her attempts to discover the meaning of humanity. Loma Shade is changed profoundly by being this mean girl and having to navigate the fall out of living in Megan’s body and in her world. [Read More]

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Paper Girls 1, 2 and 3, by Brian K Vaughanhttps://boingboing.net/2016/12/14/brian-k-vaughan-and-cliff-chan.html https://Paper Girls stars an all-girl cast of newspaper delivery kids for a fictional Cleveland newspaper, circa 1988 -- they are instantly and wholeheartedly likable, like the Goonies or the cast of Stranger Things. They convene on November 1, when the mean teenagers of Cleveland are still out an about and making mischief, picking on the likes of them, and they band together in mutual self-defense.

Then things get weird.

The girls are assaulted by a group of costumed teens, who rip off a Radio Shack walkie-talkie that one of them saved for months to buy. The girls chase down these goons, ending up in a partially built house, whose basement holds a spaceship of some kind, or maybe it's a time-machine -- and after a flash and a bang, they emerge to a transformed neighborhood, overcast with a tornado out of which flap huge, monstrous dinosaurs ridden by lance-wielding, argot-speaking warriors who kill and kidnap all they meet.

Before long, the girls are hurled into a mystery tale of Vaughnian complexity, chased through time and space, meeting ambiguous heroes and villains, including several who may be clones of them -- or older versions, or neither. (Don't foreget books Two and Three) [Read More]

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Bitch Doctrine: Essays for Dissenting Adults, by Laurie PennyIf you've followed Penny's work, you'll know that the thing that sets her apart from other enraged columnists is her empathy: her ability to understand the self-serving rationalizations, radioactive bullshit, and emotional damage that drives men to threaten her with rape and murder for pointing out that things aren't exactly fair.

But while Penny is perfectly capable of understanding her ideological opponents -- better than they understand themselves, without a doubt -- she doesn't offer them any sympathy. This sympathy -- no less well-informed, no less analytical -- is reserved for people who are getting the shittiest end of the stick: trans people, people of color, poor people, disabled people, other women. Even when she feuds with them, even when she is laid low by anger from her allies, she does the hard work to look past her own hurt feelings, to the missteps that let her to a place of conflict.

Penny is a bridge between two modes of political writing, a hybrid that gets the best of both and offsets their deficits: on the one hand, she's clearly in the Hunter S Thompson gonzo tradition (her adventures running down violent neo-Nazis in Greece are a match for anything HST wrote about Hell's Angels or police detective conventions); on the other hand, she's got the scholarly habit of finding and presenting an issue from every side, even the ones she disagrees with. But while the gonzos reduce their opponents to caricatures, and while scholarly work can dissolve the point of view into a view from nowhere, wishy-washy and free from any kind of thesis or real muscle, Penny is able to forcefully convey her point of view, and back it up by showing that she understands exactly what her opponents are thinking, and why, precisely, they are full of shit. [Read More]

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Lizard Music, by Daniel PinkwaterLizard Music is a novel about Victor, a kid who falls asleep while doing a model airplane and wakes up when the local TV station is going off the air, who discovers that the true late-night programming comes from humanoid lizards who live in a secret nearby volcano and worship Walter Cronkite.

Victor travels to the land of the lizards with the Chicken Man, a recurring Pinkwater character: a kind of hobo figure whose pet chicken is wise beyond her years and dander. What happens next will... Well, it will make you weirder.

No author has ever captured the great fun of being weird, growing up as a happy mutant, unfettered by convention, as well as Pinkwater has. When I was a kid, Pinkwater novels like Lizard Music made me intensely proud to be a little off-center and weird -- they taught me to woo the muse of the odd and made me the happy adult I am today. It's one of those books that, in the right hands at the right time, can change your life for the better and forever. [Read More]

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Landscape With Invisible Hand, by MT AndersonIn 2002, MT Anderson blew up the YA dystopia world with Feed, his zeitgeisty, prescient novel about "identity crises, consumerism, and star-crossed teenage love in a futuristic society where people connect to the Internet via feeds implanted in their brains" -- in his latest, Landscape with Invisible Hand, Anderson takes us to a world where neoliberal aliens have sold Earth's plutocrats the technologies to make work obsolete and with it, nearly human being on earth.

Now we all have to live with that reality: former superstar luxury car salesmen, bank tellers, teachers, programmers -- everyone except for a tiny elite of financial engineers, really -- have been replaced by technology sold by the vuuv (that's the alien race) to the world's 1 percenters when they inducted the human race into the galactic prosperity sphere.

Landscape is told as a series of acerbic, short vignettes -- latter-day Douglas Coupland riffs -- in the voice of Adam, a teenager living in a rotting suburban home amidst the remains of his rotting suburban life, scrounging for rice and beans and painting, painting, painting, the only escape he has. Each chapterlette opens with Adam describing a painting that sets the scene, part of the blasted, wasted dystopia that 99% of the human race lives in while sneering aliens and financial executives tell them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, get jobs, and stop looking for handouts. [Read More]

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Stories of Your Life and OthersTed Chiang's writing is rare and precise, weaving threads of science fiction into something so haunting and humane I've woken up dreaming about it more than once. Here you can read most of his published work, including the novella that was recently filmed as Arrival and is currently in U.S. theaters. But my favorites are the Borgesian "Tower of Babel," about an engineer breaking through the vault of heaven, and "Division by Zero."

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The Power, by Naomi AldermanIn The Power, a day dawns, not so long from now, in which every 15-year-old girl finds herself with the power to deal out electric shocks, emanating from an unsuspected organ called "the skein," which rests along the collarbone. What's more, any woman can do the trick, once a 15 year old shows them how.

Chaos. Glorious chaos.

The world's sex-slaves kill their pimps. The women of Saudi Arabia foment revolution. Women whose husbands beat them strike back. Girls whose fathers rape them find themselves able to defend themselves -- with lethal force, if it comes to that.

Concerned parents ask to have their boys separated from the vicious girls who stalk them through school. Mean girl cliques take on a new, deadly overtone. Law and order teeters.

Against this background, a cast of characters: Roxy, the daughter of a ruthless British gangster; Joc, the daughter of an ambitious midwestern politician; Allie, a much-abused foster kid whose foster father has a surprise in store for him, and Tunde, a Nigerian lad whose workshops of storytelling through digital photography just took on a new significance.

Through these characters, a plot as intricate and fast moving as any thriller, with lots of grace notes and seeming detours that converge with the main storyline, giving it energy and velocity.

And throughout, when you're finished, the realization that there was so much more going on, stuff I can't discuss without spoilers -- a story within the story that is chilling, thrilling, disturbing. [Read More]

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Archangel, by William GibsonFrom the start of its run in 2016, Archangel went from strength to strength, packing in so many goddamned O.G. cyberpunk eyeball kicks per page that it felt like some kind of cask-strength distillation of all the visual and action elements that gave the original mirrorshades stuff its dark glitter.

Now that the comic's run is done, the five-issue tale is revealed as a masterful, beautifully plotted war story set in three different wars: WWII as we know it, WWII as it might have been, and a distant all-out nuclear conflagration that may or may not have been an inside job.

This is a time-travel story, but it's one that sets out to break the genre's conventions: it opens with the ruthless son of America's power-grabbed president-for-life traveling back to Berlin at the end of WWII to murder his grandfather and take his place. Take that, grandfather parodox.

Hunting the president's son and his goons is "The Pilot," a USAF ninja in a camouflage suit who must prevent Junior from destroying another world without giving Junior the chance to detonate the belly-bomb all US armed-forces members must have implanted when they enlist. Thankfully, it has a 30 foot range.

Archangel is visually stunning, with all the dark romance of war-torn Berlin as a setting: deviant cabarets, black marketeers' dens, chop-shops, makeshift Soviet command-posts and secret airfields. Then there's the futuristic world of Junior and the president, seen in a cramped bunker in which a rogue scientist is scrambling to support The Pilot from the distant future and a different timeline. [Read More]

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Vacationland: True Stories from Painful Beaches, by John HodgmanMy first impression of Vacationland was that I'd found a modern version of Steve Martin's classic Cruel Shoes. Hodgman is so very witty, and as he sets up his memoir -- the story of how he was a weird kid raised by loving but largely unconcerned parents -- he has so many tinder-dry asides and beautifully turned sentences and jokes with long fuses that unexpectedly detonate paragraphs later that I was really getting ready to relive my own childhood.

Right as I was getting comfortably settled into Vacationland, I discovered that Hodgman had smoothly transitioned me into some really profound emotional truth -- it's where he starts talking about his mother's untimely death and how he reacted to her terminal illness -- and then back into that dry, comedic mode, slipping the knife in and pulling it out so smoothly that I hadn't even noticed until the blood started to drip. That kind of maneuver requires both a steady hand a very sharp knife, and Hodgman has both.

This sneaky book pulls that move over and over, using comedy and narrative confidence to make important points about privilege, self-delusion, parenting, death, birth, cities, alienation, love -- the whole gamut.

All without ever losing the comedy, which is funny stuff, and it's not a spoonful of sugar that helps all that serious medicine go down, it's perfectly blended into those serious themes.

This isn't a book like Cruel Shoes: it's the book Cruel Shoes gets to be when it grows up. [Read More]

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XENI

Sport-Brella XLPortable wind, sun, and rain shelter that's easy to set up. Can you open an umbrella? Can you drive a couple stakes into the ground? You got this, then. Haul it to the beach, outdoor gatherings or events, camping, sports, and you feel like you have a little private room outdoors. Comes in 6 different colors. Provides UPF 50+ shade. Opens to 9 feet wide, has a metallic undercoating for additional sun protection, internal pockets for stakes, valuables, and gear, plus top wind vents and side zippered windows for efficient airflow. Water resistant, weighs only 11.5 pounds. I first saw someone else on our local beach use it, and asked them where they bought it. Amazonned one for myself. Now I use it nearly every weekend, and love it.

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3" Glass PyramidMade of "optically clear crystal" and three inches tall, Amlong's Crystal Pyramid is the best Crystal Pyramid. My bacon is fresh, my airspace dangerous, and my undertakings favored.

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MARK

OXO Good Grips Solid Stainless Steel Ice Cream Scoop ($15)The old ice cream scoop we had wasn't really an ice cream scoop. It was a disher, and was more suited for scooping mashed potatoes than ice cream. When the trigger mechanism on it finally broke, I happily got rid of it and replaced it with the OXO Good Grips Solid Stainless Steel Ice Cream Scoop($15). This surprisingly heavy scoop is made from a solid chunk of stainless steel with a comfortable rubber grip, and comes with a pointed end that digs right into hard ice cream, especially if you run hot water over it. It's supposedly dishwasher safe but why put it in the dishwasher? Just rinse it and dry it with a towel.

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Brondell SourceI bought the Brondell Source in 2015 and it alleviated allergy symptoms; here's the latest model, adding a touchscreen, remote control and an adjustable air quality sensor. Rids the air of dust and dander and tiny particles you don’t need to be breathing—but also filters volatile organic compounds (VOCs). Three-stage advanced purifier system includes certified True HEPA and Granulated Carbon technology. Glowing light indicator tells you when it’s working. One time my dog farted a particularly noxious plume and this thing kicked into high gear with an emergency red glow. That’s when I knew I’d be giving it a five star recommendation.

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Lynx Sonoma Stainless Steel Countertop Natural Gas Smoker ($2500)This capacious, ultra high-end smoker has a digital control panel, smoker chip box, an instant-reading meat probe. It's got built-in Wi-Fi, of course, so you can monitor the process wherever you are.

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JASON

Wise Owl Camping HammockThe comfort to weight ratio of a good camping hammock is off the charts. Durable and easy to set up, you'll be happy anyplace you can find two appropriately spaced trees.

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Cuisinart 14-Cup Food ProcessorThe latest model of the best food processor for people who are serious about broadening their happy foodie horizons. Shove entire fruits and veggies into the giant feed tube. Listen to the 720-watt motor fill a 14-cup work bowl with steel slicing and shredding discs. It still comes with a free recipe book.

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Toys and Games

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Rainbow SlimeA glittery additive mixed with kid-safe Elmer's glue, Rainbow Slime is what you make of it. Fun when forming and flexible when dry, the results are beautiful, weird and extremely cheap at $6 or so.

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The Intellivision Flashback ConsoleRemember the unlucky kid with the parents who got them an "Intellivision" instead of an Atari? Make someone that miserable again! With games no one can remember except maybe that OK one with a snake that couldn't touch its tail but isn't SNAFU, the Intellivision really sucked.

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DAVID

Ejector Seat Button For Your CarA perfect stocking stuffer, this very clever eject button fits into most automobile cigarette lighter sockets. Unfortunately, the product listing clearly states that it's "designed for show only." It is a functional cigarette lighter though so I guess they mean it won't actually trigger your ejector seat.

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Swish card gameA beautiful and deeply compelling card game, Swish is challenges your spatial perception to find matches of balls and hoops on transparent cards. It’s a wordless game of pattern recognition that has entranced my entire family including our youngest child, age 8.

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Bulk Generic LegoYou can get 1000 random pieces of off-brand building bricks for less than $30, guaranteed to "fit tight" and come with "less filler" than the even-cheaper bulk buys.

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Palomino Blackwing 602 Pencils ($23/doz.)This is a faithful reproduction of the Eberhard Faber original, which is no longer being made. Blackwing 602 have dark, soft lead (the motto printed on the pencil reads"Half the pressure, twice the speed") and features a unique eraser holder. I've been using them for years.

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JASON

Make your own Crazy Aaron's Thinking PuttyThe one thing my 10-year-old enjoys more than making her own floam or slime is playing with Thinking Putty. Textured quite like the legendary Silly Putty of yore, Crazy Aaron's putties come in a rainbow of colors and styles. This set lets you design your own! I am pretty sure Mark could be easily distracted by a can of magnetic Thinking Putty.

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Copic Ciao Marker SetAt about $200, a full set of 72 Copic markers is a pricey proposition. But that's because they're the absolute best, with perfect colors, easy blending, and a big brush tip good for detail and wash alike. Dip an elbow in the water with a relatively inexpensive 12-marker set; great deals on partially-used sets can also be found haunting eBay.

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Because cats are totally down with the Dark SideYoda and Chewie as mice for your cat to attack, because all cats align with the Dark Side. Except for Loth-Cats for some reason, but I wouldn't exactly trust them either.

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Star Wars Viewmaster gift setI am not sure how the whole putting gifts in a sock thing works, but this Darth Vader themed Viewmaster Viewer looks like it'd fit in a traditional Christ inspired gifting sock. Star Wars Viewmaster reels are always pretty sweet. This also makes a good Hanukkah day 4-7 gift for kids who can pull off the entire 8-day challenge. My kid starts getting a hug after day 3.

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You sank my holiday experience!While it doesn't look much like the genre-defining 'This game isn't as much fun as a commercial made it look' toy of our youth, Electronic Battleship is now more exciting looking while boastin' the same old lows in game-play disappointment! Eeeeelectronic Battleship is no more fun than regular old Battleship, which is also a pretty god damn boring game. This is an excellent gift for someone you do not like, but want to appear you gave a cool gift at opening time.

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Prison Life RobloxKnow a kid that just can't behave? Maybe a co-worker? Make sure they understand a life of crime will come to no good.

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Mysterious and Indistinct ShirtFabulous yet classy, the Mysterious and Indistinct Shirt is a premium youth tee and "wears rough and tough for kids who play the same way."

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MastermindInvented in 1970 by an Israeli telecom expert, Mastermind is still the terrific game of strategy, logic, and deduction that you might remember from childhood. True, the packaging lacks the Bond-inspired photo of the dignified man and woman that appeared on the original box, but the game is just as elegant and addictive.

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Largemouth bass sandalsYou will look amazing in sandals that look like gasping largemouth bass, seriously (max size is a Men's 10, so only the dainty of feed need apply, e.g., not me). [Read More]

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Blank Playing CardsMake your own games! Or just stare at them. Whatever.

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Naughty + Nice

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Wink Plus ($79)In William Burroughs' novel Naked Lunch, Steely Dan III from Yokohama was the name of a stainless steel sex toy. The USB-chargeable Wink Plus vibrator from Crave is probably not what Old Bill Lee had in mind, because it is quite small, but it is made from stainless steel, and packs quite a vibrational wallop, with five intensity levels and two patterns.

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Wolf Crotch UnderwearWith a "convex design, large space and breathable," the 3D Wolf Head Crotch Underwear "make man looks sexy and wild" and can be yours for as little as five American dollars.

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Spend your holiday season TwistedThe Twisty Glass Blunt is a brain-hammer. Fill the glass chamber with your favorite herb, screw in the brass mouthpiece, and you are prepared to smoke a lot of weed. Perfect for a day at the beach, or an outdoor music festival, the Twisty Glass Blunt is an absolute favorite. I've got the mini as well.

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Poop emoji Santa HatWar on Christmas? Christmas seems to be integrating into todays meme-filled emoticon world. Now your Santa can proudly display his favorite emoji, or perhaps this is mean to signify something else.

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https://boingboing.net/2017/11/25/giftguide2017.html

[uglymanchronicles]

UMC:R Chapter 2: Defragmenting

(Chapter 2 is starting to run long, but it contained a good dramatic stopping point, so now it’s two chapters)

Evan was awakened by a rapping on the door and muffled but obviously irritated questions.  He must’ve looked a truly sorry sight, as the flushed-faced security guard lost some of his bluster when Evan opened the door and hesitantly told Evan that he couldn’t stay parked in the lot all night and that could he please move on down to the campground a few miles up the road, if y’d be so kind.

Evan stared at the heavyset man for a long moment, then shook himself.  “Oh, crap, yeah.  Sorry, man. Lost track of the time.  Give me just a couple minutes and I’ll be out of your hair.”  Shit.  It wasn’t that he hadn’t noticed the man was bald, but the words had started to leave his mouth before the ramifications the idiom hit him.  To his relief, the guard didn’t seem to make the connection and bid Evan a good night.

Once the guard had puttered off back to the golf cart that served as his ‘patrol car’, Evan stepped outside and re-examined his own vehicle.  Due to the lack of lighting, he couldn’t make out anything particularly expensive-looking on the RV, though he did notice that there were several large objects strapped to the roof.  That didn’t worry him much; at worst, he’d probably gone to a garage sale or something while drunk and had bought something embarrassingly bulky and expensive that he couldn’t bring himself to throw away.

At the back of the RV was another piece of comforting familiarity: his car.  Evan hardly ever drove it, but the powder-blue ’97 Beetle came in handy every now and then when he wanted to go somewhere without taking his entire house with him.  It appeared to be in good shape, though its interior was partially full of something covered by a sheet.  Evan took a few minutes to poke around in the back seat and found that the car was mostly full of books.  Encyclopedias, cookbooks, do-it-yourself books on nearly every topic he could imagine… he had a small library in there.  A well-used one, too, from the look of it: hardly a book wasn’t sprouting with bookmarks and tiny sticky notes bearing near-microscopic writing.  

Fighting against his own curiosity, Evan closed the door and moved back to the trunk.  He expected—perhaps even hoped for—more of the same, but when he unlocked the trunk and went to open it, he felt slight resistance.  He hesitated, then tugged again.  The door wasn’t stuck; instead, it felt like it was weighed down.  Slowly, and with the possibility of car bombs suddenly a very big concern in his mind, Evan carefully lifted the trunk open.  

As he did so, something unfolded from the bottom of the lid.  Evan flung himself to the side in anticipation of some kind of swinging blade or spring-loaded arrow, then immediately became very grateful for the parking lot’s poor lighting.  Hopefully that would keep people from noticing him lurching around like a shitfaced ninja.  

What swung out of the trunk was a series of shelves, attached to trunk lid.  More confused than anything at this point, Evan began to fiddle with the new addition until he unfolded it completely and discovered that someone, presumably him, had built a small but surprisingly high-utility workbench out of the trunk of his friggin’ Volkswagen.  The absurdity of it all momentarily stunned him.  The biggest surface was made out of smooth, dense metal that seemed slightly scorched, and he realized that there was a small portable welder tucked into the side of the trunk alongside numerous other tools.

“Nope.  I will deal with this later.”

After a few false starts, he managed to fold the table back into the trunk.  He found himself hoping that he had built the setup himself, because it was damn impressive and he would be very proud of that.  Hopefully he’d kept plans; he was already brainstorming improvements as he locked up the Bug and went back inside.

God, it was after ten! It’d been somewhere in the early afternoon when he’d “woke up”, and he’d only been up for about an hour before he’d passed out on the couch.  Sometime during that period he’d shrugged out of the frankenhoodie and unstrapped the gun, which meant he’d been walking around outside in a very obviously used Kevlar vest like some kind of lunatic. Again, thank God it was dark out.

Evan shrugged his way out of the vest and dropped it on the couch.  He’d been wearing a cheap plain t-shirt—again, gray—underneath, but under that was something strange.  Reaching under his shirt, his hand met what felt like scales.  He was wearing a second piece of armor underneath everything.  

Jesus Christ.  What did he need so much protection from?  Where’d he get this?  

More questions that would have to wait.  He had it on for a reason, so until he had answers, it would stay on.  Anyway, the armor was actually pretty comfortable; snug but smooth and cool to the touch.  He wondered if it could be homemade, and if so, had he made it?  It was nice that he was encountering some interesting and harmless mysteries to go along with the all the horrifying and confusing ones.

Time to shelve the mysteries, time to move. Settling into the driver’s seat was like sliding on an old shoe. The slight resistance of the cushions as his weight compressed them, the contours worn into them by countless consecutive hours of trying, and even the faint smell of himself infused into the seat made Evan feel at home. The strong, sharp click of the seatbelt and the low grumble of the slightly-moody engine were like music to his ears, and when he pulled out of the parking lot, it felt like he was sinking into a warm bath.

Evan had come to love driving.  It was almost meditative.  When he was behind the wheel, all his responsibilities were temporarily shelved. All that mattered, all that anyone could expect of him, was to get to his destination in a timely manner.  It meant that he had time to think about whatever he wanted to, but the great thing was that he didn’t have to, which was what he was looking forward to now. After all, if he’d forgotten nearly three months’ worth of time, any music that would have come out during that time would be completely new to him!  “Satellite radio, do your stuff.”

His phone was broken, but Evan could have fished out his spare GPS unit or looked up directions on one of the many computers he knew were around the vehicle. He didn’t. Part of him was afraid of what he’d find if he started digging around, and another part just wanted an excuse to drive aimlessly in peace. He’d been driving for about an hour and a half before he decided it was time to come back to reality.  

Another cookie-cutter campground, another temporary spot of stability. There had been dozens like it beforehand, and probably more in the missing months. The details of it were basically inconsequential. He paid and hooked up the RV, used the bathroom, and checked the fridge. At least with whatever he’d been doing in the past three months he’d found time to make sure he had plenty of beer.

The password is the date. Evan rolled his eyes at his own attempt at being cryptic. Sure, he knew what he—previous him—meant, but it was somehow weirdly embarrassing. He got the message, though. When a blank-faced profile appeared on the login screen, he typed in a few combinations before he found the one that worked: 081808. That date had a special significance to him, but very few people would attribute the same significance to it. Not a fun date, but one he wouldn’t forget. 

Don’t dwell on it. Go forward. 

The laptop seemed to be the computer equivalent of a burner phone. It didn’t even have a wireless card. Once the OS booted up, Evan found the backgroundless desktop was stuffed with icons. Nearly all of them were basic text files with names like “DON’T CLICK ON ANYTHING UNTIL YOU WATCH THE VIDEO” and “EVAN—WATCH THE VIDEO” and “WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT”. It was like a visual representation of the thought process of a very enthusiastic golden retriever. In the middle of the screen was a video file simply labeled “An Explanation”. It was so subdued compared to the massive clutter of hysterical type-screaming text files that he glanced over it at first. The mouse cursor hovered over the video for a second, but then, unable to resist being a smartass, even to himself, Evan clicked on the “DON’T CLICK ON ANYTHING” text file. Seconds later he burst out laughing after reading the contents: “WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY, SHITHEAD? STOP BEING A DICK.”

“Okay, okay, don’t have a stroke,” Evan chuckled to himself, clicking the video. He checked the volume as the video player loaded, then sat back and watched.

 The video started with a few second of blackness, then there was a clicking and shifting sound as the lens cap was removed. Evan found himself staring at his own torso as the recorded version of himself adjusted the camera. As he stepped back, more of the scene became visible. It was a barn or shed of some kind; the walls were wooden and had some obvious age to them, but that might have been the light. The scene was lit from behind the camera and either the doors were all closed or it was night, because outside of the light the surroundings were draped in shadow. The only significant feature of the room seemed to be a large chair covered in a sheet. Evan watched himself sit down in the chair and marveled at his own appearance. He was dressed much the same way as he’d been when he’d ‘reset’ earlier in the day, including the bandaged face and patchwork hoodie, but he seemed so much bigger than his preconceived notion of himself. He started to feel a bit self-conscious when his earlier self raised his head to face the camera and began to speak.

“My name is Evander Gregory Abrams, and if you’re watching this, you should know that, because you’re me.”  His own voice sounded somehow tinny and crisp at the same time.  It was his normal voice, too; Evan was unusual in that he liked his own voice. Slightly higher pitched than average and quite melodic, it didn’t quite fit his body, but it gave him one hell of a vocal range.  He rubbed at his neck, his throat still sore, and hoped that whatever had happened to make him sound like a lo-fi Tom Waits wasn’t permanent.  The video continued.

“You’re probably pretty confused and maybe a bit scared right now, so let me explain what happened to you and what’s about to happen to me.”  Evan felt a slight chill run through his body at those words. What was he about to see?

“For the past few months, I’ve learned so much about so many things I didn’t even know there were to know about.  It’s amazing.  Life is fascinating.  There’s so much more I want to learn, but… okay, I’m getting ahead of myself.  Look, here’s the bottom line.”  His image took a deep breath, then stared directly into the camera.  

“Monsters exist.”